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lolibles · 3 years ago

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A-Z with kazuha

character: kazuha x reader

pure fluff, complete brainrot, some angst not much tho

synopsis: the fluff alphabet with kazuha

implied gn!reader but please let me know if there are any mistakes or things i should look out for when writing gn!reader, im still learning!! <3 NOT PROOFREAD its so long and im lazy :)

A- how affectionate are they with their s/o?

kazuha is a very affectionate person, and he doesn’t try to hide it. kazuha is known for his flowery words, while kazuha loves to turn all kinds of things into poetry, its painfully obvious when one is about you. kazuha never fails to show his affection and love to you with his words and endless haikus of you. he can not stop talking about you, and even though sometimes he does it to tease you and get a laugh at your flustered expression, every time he declares his undying love for you, he means it.

B- what their s/o does that takes their breath away?

there are many things you do that take his breath away, but one thing that makes his heart do backflips is when you remember his haikus, and keep his gifted poems. kazuha has dedicated too many of his poems to you to count, kazuha himself can barely remember all of them. so you can say he was very shocked when one night you randomly whispered a poem he created for you months ago into his ear. kazuha was beyond shocked, his head never turned so fast to look at you, eyes widening. when he asked how you still remembered it, you pulled out a little notebook with scribbles of the poems and pieces of paper stuck inside with notes of dates, and the occasional doodles. you said it was so you never forget any of them, even when you were old. as kazuha flipped through the book he noticed poems from as far back as when he barely knew you. kazuha turned back to you and buried his head in your neck, attempting to hide the blush on his face as he kept mumbling i love you. his heart was swooning with love and joy for you, he knew you loved him, but he never knew something as simple as that could make his whole world stop.

C- do they like cuddling? if so, how and when?

kazuha loves cuddling so much. kazuha is honestly pretty touch starved so he constantly craves your touch. kazuha also gets pretty tired after working a full day out on the alcor or helping out with the resistance. he believes after a full days worth of hard work nothing beats lazing around tangled in your arms. kazuha doesn’t mind being the big spoon or little spoon. there are times of vulnerability where kazuha just needs you to hold him close, run your fingers through his hair and tell him everything will be okay. and there are times where he wants to hold you tight in his embrace as if he was protecting you for the most malicious forces in the world. there are also times where he simply just wants to be close to you, bodies smushed together, his hands wrapped around you with his neck buried in your collar. he tries to make you laugh or giggle so he can feel the vibrations of your sweet voice. kazuha loves to cuddle you at night before bed, he loves to fall asleep with you, the sound of your heartbeat lulling him to sleep, the warmth of your body is so pleasant and inviting. however cuddling at night often means waking up much later than usual. it means that either beidou or gorou angrily barging into your quarters to wake you guys up because you both were late, threatening to split the both of you up since you can never wake up on time.

D- what do they dream of doing with their s/o?

kazuha is a simple man, he finds joy and love in the littlest things. but that doesn’t ever stop him for dreaming- or rather hoping. he wishes one day he can walk down the streets of his hometown and show you the different sights. he hopes that there will be a day when he can see you wear a kimono, under the moonlight as he takes you up to a secluded spot to view the beautiful fireworks, although he will argue that you are far more lovely. kazuha hopes to bring you to see the sakura trees bloom, as you talk about how you wished you could’ve have seen them earlier, he wishes he can brush off the flower petals on your head before pulling you in for a gentle kiss. most importantly kazuha hopes that one day, he can bring you to visit his friend. even if he no longer is blessed upon this world, kazuha is sure he would have loved you. it is only necessary for kazuha to introduce his beloved to his only family.

E- how much effort do they put into the relationship?

kazuha pours his entire soul into your relationship, you are the only one he has left after all. kazuha believes his sole purpose is to treat you like his queen, if even for a second you feel like you aren’t loved, then he has failed. kazuha wants to serve you, though you often tell him he should try to put himself first, he’d merely chuckle and say “if i’m the reason you smile as brightly as the sun, the reason you sleep well at night or the reason you wish to wake up the next day. then there is not a thing i would change.”

F - do they want to start a family with their s/o? what is parenting like with them?

after getting over kazuha's fear of marriage (check M), kazuha wouldn't mind starting a family. although he is perfectly fine if it is just the two of you. if you want children then he is ready to learn, for you. i think kazuha would settle with one or two children, and he says he doesn't mind if you have a girl or a boy- but he is hoping on a boy. kazuha would be a great dad, apart from the fact he travels a lot and is rarely home. he tries his best to be there for you, he usually takes on jobs in the area you are staying or go on shorter trips with the crux while you are in the first few years having a child. he doesn't want to leave all the work to you of raising a young child, nor does he want to miss out those precious years of being a new parent. he loves adventuring but he loves his family too. another thing kazuha can not get enough of is seeing the look on your child's face when he arrives back after a trip, waiting for him at the harbour, flailing their arms about to capture his attention. and he can not ignore the look on your face either, so happy that your loving husband is home. kazuha can be strict but he prefers not to be, he can't say no to those curious eyes that look just like yours. i like to think that kazuha teaches your child to be a smooth talker just like him, this means they both get out of trouble a lot with you. despite kazuha's aloof demeanour, he actually has a rather playful side to him often pulling small pranks with your child on you. he tells your child stories of all kinds of adventures he has been on, your heart swoons at the sight of your child resting atop his chest trying his best not to fall asleep due to the warmth kazuha radiates. kazuha teaches your child all about inazuma and his heritage, telling them about the history and how one day he will bring both them and you to visit his homeland. the safety of his family is his number one priority, he will do anything to protect you and your child. he also teaches your child how to fight, and most importantly self-defence. if you both are travellers though, you decide to wait until your child is older to bring them on your adventures. and when they are, beidou certainly doesn't mind having a little kid running around the alcor causing a ruckus amongst other crew members.

G- what kind of gifts to they give their s/o? do they want one in return?

kazuha has always loved the sentiment of crafting a handmade gift. the amount of time and effort that goes into making something, is enough to show how much love someone has for them. kazuha also always loves to imagine what kind of expression you’d have after receiving his gift, he never asks for anything in return, well actually occasionally he’ll ask for a kiss thats it. kazuha remembers making you a beautiful hairpin, one that matched with his maple leaf haori. he gave it to you one night randomly, his hands pushing aside a bit of your hair to pin up. the way your eyes closed as he inches closer, his fingers occasionally brushing against your skin. when he finally backed away from you to take a look at his masterpiece, he was stunned. the way your face glistened from under the moonlight, you were so ethereal. his breath hitched, and the calm man sitting in front of you became flustered. kazuha made a note to always mentally prepare himself before giving you a gift that you could physically wear- if not he’d definitely blow a fuse.

H- do they hug their s/o? how often?

kazuha definitely hugs you, but i feel like hugs only happen at specific times. of course he will indulge you if you ask for it. kazuha hugs you when he misses you, when he needs you close to him. if you didn’t travel with him, he hugs you a goodbye and a hello. kazuha hugs you tightly because he knows he will be leaving soon, or he misses you so much and never wants to let you go. if someone ever makes kazuha jealous (which doesn’t happen very often), he will hug you from your waist whilst no one was looking, as he buries his head into your neck, taking in your scent. “your mine.” he’d whisper, hugging you tighter. “i am yours.”

I- how romantic are they? do they have problems with being intimate?

kazuha has very little problems with intimacy, he is a naturally romantic person. the way he speaks should be more than enough as evidence. he doesn’t get flustered easily, and he loves to see your expressions when he does something overly romantic- cheesy even, at the most random times. his poetry and haikus are often of you, he doesn’t shy away from flirting with you, teasing you, and constantly he is thinking of different ways to show his love to you. like i said he never knows what may happen tomorrow, so he is going to spend every day in the present being romantic and loving to you.

J- do they get jealous easily? how do they act?

i can’t typically see kazuha as getting jealous easily. there is often the rare occasion of him getting impatient because someone else has held your attention for too long, but other than that its very rare for kazuha to get jealous- he trusts you too much and feels like there’s simply no need for such feelings. i feel like one of the only few times kazuha would get jealous is when he’s drunk. drunk kazuha is needy and clingy, he wants to be around no one but you. if there is the slightest bit of space between you two, kazuha is determined to get rid of it by any means necessary. if you’re having a conversation with someone, be prepared to continue it another day because kazuha is whisking you away and peppering you with kisses while glaring at the person who kept you away from him the whole time. it gets a little uncontrollable when it happens, but kazuha remembers everything that happens the night before and his reaction is absolutely priceless.

K- are they a good kisser? do they like it? how often?

kazuha is miraculously a great kisser, well that is debatable from the beginning since he didn’t have much experience but he learnt very fast, and he is an amazing learner. kazuha’s everyday kisses can range from many varieties. kazuha’s forehead kisses usually linger for just the right amount of time, they are comforting and homely. it feels like you can tell how much kazuha trusts and adores you when he gives you forehead kisses. kazuha’s cheek kisses are different. they are quick and fleeting, usually he peppers your face with them, instead of a single kiss. it is playful and often filled with laughter, kazuha does it with a teasing note as his hands cup your face and pulls you closer for another kiss attack. lastly kazuha’s kisses on your lips, saved for the most romantic and intimate moments you share. often hidden from the public where kazuha can show you how much he loves you without any interruptions. they are passionate and always leaves the both of you wanting for more. he kisses you not too rough not too gentle, just until your lips are slightly plump and red. he takes your cheek in his hand, his other on your waist, pulling you close he whispers “may i?” and if you allow him, he will make sure this is a kiss you never forget.

bonus: kisses on the back of your neck, saved for the most private moments. if you have longer hair he likes to brush your hair back and place a teasing kiss on your neck, just to see you get flustered. and if you have shorter hair he finds himself often staring at the back of your neck, and just decides to indulge himself a few times with a kiss- teasing you along the way.

L- when do they say i love you? how often? do they say or show it more?

kazuha has always been more of a mix of both, he tends to show his love a lot yet he never fails to let you know he loves you. kazuha says it when it is just the two of you, when he has your attention and he has yours. he says it while tangled in your arms, under the blankets as you try to fight the feeling of sleep so you can spend more time with your beloved. kazuha shows it in his actions, even if done unconsciously, he somehow manages to convey ‘i love you’. its evident in the way he smiles for you, his eyes glistening as he lets out a hearty laugh. its evident in the way he holds your hand, guiding you down the stairs- even though you are perfectly capable of walking on your own. it is evident in the way he stares at you while you patch him up after he got hurt again, listening to your mother-like nagging to be careful. he doesn’t always say it outright, but you know, you know he loves you.

M- thoughts on marriage? how do they want to hold the ceremony?

well kazuha definitely has thought about it, thats for sure. in all honesty he is a little intimidated by the idea of marriage. don’t get me wrong, he wants to get married to you, its just kazuha has an interesting past. he’s afraid that somehow even if he’s miles away from her, she’d end up coming back to haunt him, and this time take you too. kazuha also knows unlike others, he can’t offer you the most stable life. he fled from his own country, a god literally wants him dead. he wanders around without an end destination, no real home anymore. he wonders if you really want to get married to someone like him- this thoughts are the things that keep him awake at night. if you ever help kazuha get over his fears and make him understand you love him for who he is now, perhaps he wouldn’t hesitate before popping the question. he would love a quiet and small ceremony, he doesn’t mind a grand wedding but he would prefer something more lowkey and intimate. no distractions so he can take it all in, you finally are his.

N- what are dates like with them? how often do you guys have night outs?

dates aren’t as easy to come by with kazuha, working on the sea or with the resistance means work needs to be done and there isn’t much time for going out. but kazuha makes it work, most of the time its rather spontaneous. kazuha would appear before you and ask you to close your eyes, taking your hands in his to guide you to a little spot he made up on the alcor. hidden away from the drunkards causing a ruckus on deck. he sits you down next to him on a nice blanket and asks you to open your eyes. its a cute little get up, a few snacks and sake under the stars. kazuha would apologise for not being able to give you a proper date, yet you couldn’t ask for more. he’d pull you close saying he didn’t want you to get cold, and he’d teach you about stars and constellations.

another time while you both were working hard for the resistance, kazuha showed up by your tent at night and asked you to accompany for a walk. kazuha would take your hand in his, as he carried an umbrella over your heads. he wouldn’t bring you too far from camp but he tried to make your time worthwhile. he’d tell you about the poems he made of you the afternoon since he missed you the whole day. he’d promise to take you somewhere nicer once everything was under control again- he gives your hand a squeeze and kisses you on the cheek. it wasn’t much but it was all you both had. )

O- what would they do if their s/o got hurt or injured badly? (ouch)

it doesn’t matter how hurt you got, small or big, kazuha feels his world stop spinning. his mind flashes back to the moment he watched his friend die, and he desperately tries to keep his emotions at bay. tears threaten to spill, his voice cracks as he asks where you are. he gets to you as fast as he can, he begs that his legs don't give way yet. he blames himself for not being able to protect you, he couldn't save his friend, but please not you. the moment he catches the glimpse of your body bandaged up, bruises scattered all over skin, he can not contain the amount of guilt that rushes over himself. kazuha is by your side in an instant, taking your hand gently as he lets his eyes scan over your injury. he doesn't stop apologising, he lowers his head as he lets the waterworks run. ironically watching kazuha blame himself for not being able to protect you hurts more than the injuries you have sustained. if you can, please take him into your arms, tell him it's not his fault and you are okay. kazuha wouldn't know what to do if you were gone too.

P- are they playful in the relationship? how do they mess around with their s/o?

it may not look like it, but kazuha is rather playful. especially when it is just the two of you, kazuha suppresses the urge to not tease you. he can't help that you are just so easy to tease. he likes to challenge you to little games at the expense of a kiss. he loves seeing your expressions when he teases you, or purposely loses to you at a game. he also loves to flirt with you, tell you how much he loves you and how much he wants to make you his- even if you already are. he definitely is the type to ask you if your single and want to date him while you are dating, he says "your boyfriend doesn't need to know, so just come with me" and if you play along he falls more in love. it's also dangerous if your a ticklish person, he will often poke you just to hear your laugh or squeal. he craves to hear your melodic laugh, he never wants you to shut up. kazuha is never mean when he plays around with you though, he never crosses the line and he can read the mood well. he knows when is the right time to mess around with you, and he knows when to stop. as much as he loves it he never wants to make you mad. i

Q- what will they do if their s/o is queer or part of the LGBT community? how will they react?

kazuha doesn't mind, he believes that love is love and coincidentally he loves you for you. kazuha listens and is keen on learning your past and why you decides to be who you are now. he picks up on your prefered pronouns without hesitation and treats you with nothing but respect. if you are insecure about it, he will make it his only goal to write you a poem a day about how much he loves you and how much he wishes for you to find self love. kazuha is aware of the occasional disapproval from outsiders, and he doesn't think twice before using his vision to mess with them, knocking them off their balance or messing up their hair. he tells you that others may say what they want but you need not worry for there are many others who love you and will love you for the rest of their lives- him included.

R- how random and spontaneous is the relationship?

a relationship with kazuha is beyond random. there are moments when kazuha just grabs your hand and takes you away to some place because he wants to be with you. kazuha enjoys surprising you with things as well, if he sees something he thinks you will like, he will buy it or attempt to make it for you. when he travels he definitely brings you back pressed flowers or pretty gemstones that remind him of you. kazuha often does things for you on a "just because" basis, even if it holds no significant reason, he will give you a gift, give you a kiss or whatever you want. kazuha also randomly declares his love for you just because.

S- what do they do is their s/o is scared?

kazuha knows what its like to be scared, to feel petrified to the point its hard to breathe, hard to speak, hard to move. his world crumbles at the thought of how you may go through emotions like that. he never wants you to go through any pain, it simply doesn’t matter what causes you to feel so frightened. if it scares you, it scares you. there is no need for him to laugh at you or belittle your feelings. kazuha will never forgive himself if he makes you feel invalidated. when you are scared, kazuha will be by your side in an instant, his arms engulfing you like a warm blanket, as he whispers sweet nothings into you ear. he asks you to focus on his fingers tracing shapes onto your back. he doesn’t let go of you until he feel your heart rate return to normal. and when it does, he releases you from his tight grip to kiss away the tears rolling down your cheeks. giving you a simple smile. “my love, i wont let anything harm you. i love you.”

T- how much do they trust their s/o?

to be in a relationship means kazuha trusts you a lot. kazuha has gone through much, and is constantly on the run. there are few people he can open up to and trust that they would not leave him behind. it takes a while for kazuha to tell you about everything, don't get me wrong he knows he loves you but it isn't easy to bring something so dark about his past to light. he hopes you don't get mad or disturbed by him for keeping it hidden for so long. when he finally does tell you about his past, and you stick by him no matter what he feels his heart slowly gets put back into place.

U- do they like to take things slow or fast? (urgency)

kazuha takes things at a pretty average pace. honestly it's kind of like a write off, he knows it will take him a while to fully trust someone yet he is undoubtedly touch-starved. and when it comes to you he can't seem to hold himself back. when kazuha courts you its slow and relaxed, he never wants to force you into a relationship and make you uncomfortable. he takes his time to learn what you like and dislike, he takes his time to get to know you. and when you finally start dating he tends to take things faster, not too fast though, he makes sure everything he does is okay with you before rushing in head first. unconsciously he tends to touch you a lot, he finds comfort in your warmth. sometimes it's as simple as brushing your hair back, and sometimes it's having his hands on your thigh while you sit next to him. he just loves it so much.

V- how vocal are they about the relationship? do they want it to be a secret?

kazuha prefers to keep it lowkey. only a few people know of your relationship with him. he doesn't want you to get hurt because of him, after all he is rather infamous for escaping from the shogunate and their leader. he also is more on the private side. however its very easy to tell that kazuha is infatuated with you solely by the way he looks at you, talk of you. you can tell that he is completely smitten over you, it takes someone awfully dense to not realise his feelings for you.

W- random scenario with them! (wild card)

the first time kazuha saw you dressed up so beautifully was when beidou insisted that the both of you attended a party in liyue with her. he didn't enjoy parties as much but he thought it would be nice for you to take a break from running away, and if you were there he was sure it would be a lot more bearable. and he was right, it was. beidou had whisked you away earlier to be presentable for the occasion, kazuha himself had to wear something he wasn't used to- he thought it was uncomfortable. but the moment he saw you walk out of the room dressed to the nines, all the discomfort that came with his outfit was thrown out the window and replaced with fluster. kazuha was quick to regain his normal charm however, throwing compliments in your directions as he held out his arm for you to hold- yet not even his sly behaviour could escape your eyes, there indeed was a blush on his cheeks. beidou left the two of you to be, enjoying the food and lovely music playing in the background, yet all kazuha could hear was the melody of your voice. as the room fell silent and a slow tune began, kazuha earned a few nudges from beidou "ask them to dance" she whispered. and he did, it felt like it was straight out of a fairy tale. his eyes were burning into yours as he reached his hand out. you gladly accepted, but you never knew kazuha had learnt to dance, especially so well. you suppose everything about him is eloquent. the moment was something you'd cherish for the entirety of your life, the feeling of him guiding your footsteps along to his. his hands resting perfecting on your waist as yours did by his neck. he often made small jokes about the other stuck up guests, which made you laugh. his heart fluttered. as the song came to an end, you gave him a small kiss on his cheek. a smile appeared on his face, your action warming his chest.

"won't you dance with me again, my love?"

X- do they like petnames? do they use petnames? (XOXO)

kazuha loves using petnames on you. he likes to call you darling or my love. he finds using nicknames rather endearing, and he loves how you react with a simple "hm?" because you know he loves you like that. if you ever give kazuha a petname his heart swoons in adoration for you. he loves them! but kazuha also loves the way his name rolls off your tongue, the sound of your voice is like maple syrup in his ears.

Y- what do they do when they yearn for you?

missing you is something kazuha is unfortunately used to. given that kazuha is a traveller it is understandable why you two are often apart. when kazuha misses you, everyone can tell. especially since your absence in his life is all his poetry becomes. he muses how you are and how it hurts being so far from you. he often finds himself immersed in creating more haikus to show you when he finally reunites with you. more here.

Z- what is sleeping like with them? (zzz)

sleeping with kazuha is warm, you never have to fear the cold especially with kazuha's arms wrapped protectively around you. kazuha doesn't care whether he is the big spoon or small spoon, he just wants to be with you. if he spoons you, just make sure that he wakes up earlier than you if not he is never letting go. his grip is not too tight but still very strong around you. he enjoys being close to you and he loves how you let him be near you. if you are spooning him, please let kazuha rest his head in the crook of your neck. he loves to feel your heartbeat as he tries to fall asleep, the last thing he hears is your heart thumping every so peacefully. the smell of your soap puts him to sleep in a way he never knew it could. he loves how this time you wrap your arms around him to protect him instead, for once he feels like in your arms, he is perfectly safe.

oh my god this took so damn long???? but i didn't have much inspiration and this just came to mind. some letters were EXTREMELY hard to write so please excuse if its a little ooc i tried ;-; im glad im done tho, this honestly is the longest thing i have written in a very very long time and im really happy i did. im also pretty excited to try it for other characters i already have childe's and xiao's one in mind :) anyway!!!!!! please let me know if you liked this thank u bebs muah...

#lolible writes #genshin #kazuha #kazuha x reader #genshin x reader #kazuha imagines #genshin imagines #kazuha fluff #kazuha angst #genshin fluff #genshin angst #lolible likes writing

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kyber-kisses · 5 years ago

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Lullaby

Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: cursing, blood, spn level gore, angst, tiny bit of fluff.

Summary: infant cries and loud screams are something that no one wants to wake up to. . . Unfortunately that’s exactly what happens to Dean.

A/n: again, I apologize for the angst. . . But please tell me what you thought! (SPN taglist is still open!)

Dean had always been a light sleeper. Growing up on the road and raised in the hunting life, his body had quickly adjusted to the fact that at any given moment he might have to get up and be moving within seconds.

It was hardwired into his system.

When he randomly stirred in the late hours of the night, he found himself subconsciously reaching out for you, calloused fingers fanning out over your side of the bed. But it was vacant, the sheets cool against the palm of his hand.

“Y/n?” He mumbled half halfheartedly into his pillow with a light groan. His hand slid across the surface again, searching for any sign that you were there.

But the elder Winchester was only met with cold sheets and silence.

It wasn’t uncommon though. He was used to you getting up a night. Sometimes it was from nightmares, sometimes hunger. . . Sometimes neither of the two. If you were up you usually left, not wanting to pry Dean out of his own unconscious bliss, be he always knew.

Dean let out another deep sigh, pressing his face further into his pillow as he rolled over, trying to chase the sleep he had just been pulled from. You would be back soon.

You were never gone for more than ten minutes.

And that’s when the blood curdling shriek ricocheted down the empty hallways, and through the slightly open door.

The sound propelling Dean into an upright position as he reached for the gun tucked under his pillow. And like a bucket of ice being dumped over him, he was fully awake in seconds, eyes wide as he practically vaulted out of the bed, rushing into the dimly lit hallway.

“Y/N!”

The sound could have only come from you. Due to the hunting life, he had unfortunately heard the sound before. Besides that, You and Dean basically has the bunker to yourselves. Sam and Eileen were out on a case and Jack and Cas were in parts unknown.

As Dean sped down the hallway, gun firmly settled between his palms, he listened for another scream, another sign that might point him in your direction, but nothing came.

The shriek had left as quickly as it had come, drowning him in a heavy silence momentarily before being replaced with loud cries.

Cassie.

And then it clicked, and the hunter almost stopped to hit his palm against his forehead, punishing himself for being so slow.

The nursery. If you weren’t in the kitchen, you could only be in the nursery with Cassie.

With a new found fear and panic nestling into the pit at the bottom of his stomach, he took off at a break neck speed, listening to the blood pumping in his ears.

You were fine. You and Cassie were just fine. You probably just tripped in the dark, or accidentally broke a glass. You both were fine. Dean told himself, ignoring the white knuckle grip his hands had on the gun. You were fine. You were fine. You were fine.

The door to the nursery was open, but as Dean skidded to a stop in the doorway, gun still raised, he paused. In the darkened room, he could still see your silhouette, back turned towards the door as you looked down into the crib, he small night light plugged into the wall casting sharp shadows across the room. From what he could see, you looked fine. You looked calm.

“Jeez Y/n,” Lowering his gun, he tucked it back into the waistband of his sweatpants, breathing a sigh of relief, “What the hell was that all about? I heard you scream.”

You were quiet for a moment, bending over to softly scoop Cassie up in your arms, humming a quiet tune as you did, and lulling the infant back to sleep.

“Y/n?” Eyebrows furrowed, Dean stepped further into the room, suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of uneasiness. Something was off.

“She’s so little.” Your voice coming out much more plain than normal. Dean watched your held tilt, eyeing the infant in your arms. Even with your back still turned to him, He noticed how different your stance was. You stood straighter, back as flat as a board.

The words left his mouth slowly, as he eyed you cautiously, taking another hesitant step forward, “yeah, I know. I kinda played a part in making her.”

“You know that in folk lore, lullabies originated from the term Lilith-abi?” Your voice calm as you rocked the small infant in your arms, “They were sung over children's cribs to make sure I didn’t come and snatch them up in their sleep.” Your voice echoed.

And that's when Dean froze, and he swore he felt the blood in his veins turn to ice. His body tensed, eyes widening with terror as he watched your figure slowly turn and look up, infant tucked securely against your chest.

And then you blinked, eyes revealing a white blankness as you smirked.

Dean only knew of one demon with eyes that color, and she was supposed to be dead. Very, very dead.

“Lilith.”

His palms itched as he slowly moved his hand, attempting to reach behind him and grab the pistol. Not that it would do much good, and he definitely didn’t want to hurt you.

“Hiya Dean. You miss me?” She smirked again, fully rotating to get a good look at the hunter. “I sure have missed you.”

Just as his finger grazed the pearl set handle, Lilith sighed, flicking her fingers quickly and sending him into the wall, an invisible force keeping him bound there, constricting his muscles.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. You’d only be hurting Y/N you know. . . or this sweet little thing-“ she cooed, eyes casting downward towards the child in her arms.

Straining against the force, Dean panted, eyes wide with fear as he looked upon the demon possessing you, along with his child gripped in her arms.

“Lilith, let them go. Let them both go, please.”

“Oh, and why would I do that?”

If anything happened to you or Cassie he would never forgive himself. Dean Winchester has thought he had known real fear and panic before this, but he was wrong. He was terrified. The hairs rippled erect on the back of his neck and forearms as he continued to struggle, the sudden sting of tears making him hiss.

“Please, Lilith. I’m begging you, let them go.”

“Oh come on, Dean. Let’s chat a little. It’s been too long.” Lilith slowly stalked closer, eyes shifting between the small girl in her arms and the hunter pinned helplessly to the wall.

“Fine.” Dean spat, staring daggers into the demon, “how are you alive?”

“Big boss man brought me back, alive and kicking.”

“You mean Lucifer?”

A small fit of laughter bubbles up from her throat as she shook her head, clearly amused, “I wish, but no. God brought me back, isn’t that nice.”

Damn it. Of course it was Chuck. He was always pulling the rug out from beneath his family. He should have known.

“How are you possessing her? Y/N had an anti possession tattoo on her lower-“

“Ribs, I know.” The demon smirked, using a free hand to swiftly pull up your worn sleep shirt, “nothing that a little fire can’t fix.”

And sure enough, the skin that once bore your tattoo was now a blistering patch of skin that slightly cling to the fabric as she peeled it back.

“Why do you think she screamed so loudly?”

Dean struggled against his restraints once more, the anger and fear continuing to rise as he did, “I’m gonna kill you. I swear, I’m gonna kill you. No one hurts my family and lives.” He warned, mind trying to figure out a plan of action.

But he was so filled with the dread of history replaying itself that he couldn’t think straight. There was a demon standing in the nursery and both the mother and child were in severe danger.

“Don’t go making threats now, Dean. You’re the one pinned helplessly to the wall while I have your family.” Lilith mused, bringing her eyes back down to Cassie, “just one wrong move, and their blood will be painting the walls of this nursery.”

Think, Dean. Just keep Lilith distracted so you can come up with a proper plan. Think, damn it!

“How did you even get into the bunker? This warding is extremely strong and advanced.”

Lilith cocked her head, looking back up at the man, “I’m the first demon, Dean. I’m stronger than the rest. Did you really think your fancy doodles were going to keep me out?”

Despite how hard he was trying to fight it, Dean couldn’t help but picture all the worse case scenarios, his eye squeezing shut in hopes of blocking them all out.

“Let them go. Let them both go, please.” And just like that he was back to begging. He was desperate to keep the both of you safe.

Lilith let out another exaggerated sigh, head rolling as she looked back at Cassie, “you get more and more annoying you know that? Now, tell me, what’s this little ones name?”

The muscles in Deans jaw pulsed. The last thing he wanted to do was listen to the demon, but he also knew how fast things could turn if he didn’t.

“Cassie. Her name is Cassie.” He sighed, head falling back with a harsh thud against the wall.

“Named after that angel friend of your no doubt,” Lilith mocked, sending him another devilish grin, “She has your eyes, you know. Bright forest green. I could easily tell she was yours from the moment I saw her.”

“Why do you even care?”

“Oh, well I was thinking of taking her. Quietly snatching her up, along with your wife, and slipping off into the night.”

“Don’t you dare-“

Another flick of her finger and Dean fell silent, unable to get another word out of his mouth. It was almost like a piece of cloth had been shoved into his mouth.

“Do shut up.” Lilith spoke plainly, walking slowly past Dean and towards the door of the nursery, ignoring the struggle the hunter was having with her invisible binds, “Now, it’s going to be so much fun watching you panic as you try and find us. I quite like using your wife as a meat suit.” She looked over her shoulder, shot him one more smirk, and was gone as quick as she had come.

And just like that, the binds were gone, sending the older Winchester crashing to the floor as he sucked in oxygen, hands planted firmly on the cement.

No, no, no. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. Tears were already wetting his lashes and cheeks as he panted, trying to figure out the first course of action.

But before he could even do anything he found himself quickly breaking down, fingers curling into fists as he squeezed his eyes shut, praying to Cas. To Jack. To anyone that might help him.

And then all of a sudden, he shot straight up, breath heaving as his eyes took in his surroundings.

He was back in bed, and coated in a thin layer of sweat, chest rising and falling rapidly to match his racing heart.

It was just a nightmare. It want real. None of it had been real.

With a shaky hand, he wiped his forehead, “Y/n.” His name breathlessly leaving his mouth as he panted, his other hand sliding across the bed to find you, to make sure you were really there.

Nothing. Your side of the bed was empty once again.

“No,no,no-“ Dean breathed out, whipping around and flicking the lamp on next to the bed. Sure enough, your side was empty. The sheets thrown back and crumpled besides him.

And just like before, he was rocketing out of bed and across the room, digging through the clutter on the desk before finding what he needed. Bottle of holy water. Demon cuffs.

Running in socks was a much harder task that predicted and eventually Dean had to skid to a stop halfway to down the hall, rapidly ripping off the small articles of clothing and discarding them on the floor before confusing forward with a massive burst of energy. He had to get you. He had to get to Cassie.

The door to the nursery was once again open, and before Dean could register his own movements he was running into the room.

“Y/N!”

Your name quickly had you spinning on your heels, looking up from the small bundle in the crib before you. Your hand flew to your chest as you jumped, eyes landing on the jade eyed hunter.

“God, Dean. I just got her to go back to sleep, no need to-“

You never got to finish you sentence before a good portion of water hit your face, freezing you instantly. Sputtering, you slowly blinked the water out of your lashes, clearly caught off guard by your husbands attack.

Spitting a small portion of it out of your mouth, you half hazardly wiped your face againt your sleeve, knowing full well it could have only been holy water, “what the hell, De-“

It was almost as if he didn’t want you to talk, becaus he let out a relived sigh before quickly pulling you into his chest, “Thank god, I thought you were a demon.”

“You thought your wife was a demon?” You mused, pulling back, eyebrow raised in defense, “Okay, I’ll pretend like I wasn’t offended by that.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I just had a nightmare.” Dean quickly mumbled, pressing a firm kiss to the top of your head, his lips lingering much longer than needed. Before he could fully pull away, you squeezed him tighter, making sure he knew that you were really there. This wasn’t the first time he had woken up from bad nightmares. Being a hunter, they practically came with the package.

“Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

“Nah, not right now at least.” Dean shook his head, leaning over the crib so he could gently pick up Cassie, cradling her in his arms. He needed to hold her, make sure that she was alive. That she was safe.

“Okay, well I was just about to head back to bed, you coming?”

“I’ll be in in a little. I’m gonna stay here for a bit with Cassie. You go on ahead.” A soft smile took up his features as he placed another kiss to the infants head.

Everything was alright. And Dean was going to make sure it stayed that way.

The End.

SPN Taglist:

@familybusinesswritingbro@a–1–1–3 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @music-is-all-i-need @agusdoti @callmekda @jordangdelacruz @orphiceseum @andthatsmyworld @marvelfangirllll @fandomnerdespressourself @gladiosamicitias @castielsangelsx @lxstgxrl-ck @tis-i-the-wayward-idgit @amendoise @phoenixuprisingsstuff @ericalynne007 @kaitlaitlaitl @neerness @totallyluciferr @supernaturalenchanted @dolanfivsosxox @horrorstreet @imabtich4jensen

#dean x reader #dean imagine #supernatural x reader #spn x reader #dean x y/n #dean winchester one shot #spn x y/n #dean winchester angst #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester #supernatural one shot #supernatural imagine #supernatural #bi danvers writing #bi danvers0

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infinite-hearts-333 · 4 years ago

Text

Masked Love Chapter 1

Sander sides, Rociet, Human/Magical AU

WARNING: mentions of past dehumanising, reference to PTSD flashback??, um bullying reference.

Masterpost

~~18/5/2022 6:37am (Present time)~~

“Janus?”

Janus grumbled, pulling the weighted blanket over his head more as what sounded like his mama's voice filled his too-tired, half asleep brain. “Noooooooooo….”

“Janus! JANUS! I know you're awake up there!!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” Janus groaned back, pulling the blanket tighter over his head.

“JANNIE IF YOU DON'T LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER I’LL COME UP THERE WITH THE COLD BORE WATER AGAIN~!” Came the singsong voice of his mom, and Janus full on scrambled out of bed, covers sent flying and he had to double check his claws to ensure they didn’t ensnare on anything through his half sleepy, half panicked daze.

“COMING! COMING!! Yesh….” he called, before grumbling, yawning, completely use to the soft popping of his unhinged jaw, forked tongue tasting the air. Waffles…. Mmmmm….

He quickly got ready, body automatically from routine, getting changed into his clothes- a lime turtle neck, black jacket with pins and patches attached, sunflower yellow beanie, skinny black jeans and his boots. He hummed a loose tune as he moved, alike to clock work, moving to turn to his bed, tugging the poor flinged sheets back into the right position, snatching up his stuffed dragon that had fallen onto the floor and placing it on top of his pillow gently.

Janus’s room was, in fact, the attic. His mum and mama weren't… expecting him when he showed up, but they took him in and loved him all the same. The rickety old house they had didn't have enough rooms for Janus to move into when he got older, so his parents spent ages rebuilding the attic for him. You could tell in some places- the seams where the wall met the roof weren't all the same size, the floorboards ran crookedly rather than straight, there were chips in both the walls and the floor where the wood wasn’t smooth.

But janus loved his room. It was cosy- there different metals and CD disks strung up which glinted like precious gems under the sky window, he had a large rainbow flag hanging over his bed in the corner, fairy lights stuck on the wall all around the room. Boxes upon boxes peeked out of his bed, filled to the brim with the most random things, leaves, feathers, stones, shells, bones, name it, Janus probably had it.

Walking to where his room ended, a wall with a human sized hole in the floor, he paused by the mirror, only to wrinkle up his nose in disgust at what he saw staring back. Janus was actually pretty handsome, nice clear tanned skin, brilliant eyes that shined lime and forest green and firefly yellow all at the same time. Chestnut hazel hair that hung in ruffled curls framed his face. He was strong, a little buff and according to his mother and mamma, quite the personality. But there were two things.

Janus’s jaw. It faded into the most horrid shade of olive green, splotches of lime, deep forest green and the colour of dying cactuses for scales, littered across the bottom half of Janus’s face. Two gross dusty pink scars ran from the corners of his mouth, stretching out and curling, nearly to touch his ears, one on each side. Darting in and out of his abnormally large fanged mouth was a forked blue tongue, fading into pink at the back of his mouth, the slightest sign that janus was once human.

He softly sighed, turning away to wander to the wall, and so the holes well, jumping through it to land on the couch flawlessly. “Morning.” He mumbled to the two females cooking and giggling at each other. “Morning' darling~!” called Mamma, smiling brightly. “Did you sleep well, little snek-a-doodle?” Teased his mum, smiling warmly as she parted from her partner to ruffle her adopted son's hair.

Janus smiled back up at her, and couldn't ignore the pang of happiness when all he found in mum's eyes was love. “We made waffles for your big day!” Chimed Mamma, beaming as she worked at the stove.

Ah. Right. High school. Janus groaned, leaning back to painfully donk his head against the wall. “Do I have to go?” He whined. “Yup!” his mum said, popping the ‘p’. Janus rolled his head off the wall, allowing his eyes to drop to problem number two in his life. His hands. Or well…. Talons.

Janus’s hands, a lot like his jaw dyed into that horrid olive colour, splattered with scales. He had four ‘fingers’ instead of five, each ending with a large sharp claw that was almost an ivory green if held in the right light. Scars lined his hand where the scales started, signs that janus wasn’t born with these abnormal features.

His mum then slapped him over the head with a rolled up newspaper. “OW! Hey!!!!!” snapped Janus. His mum raised an eyebrow. “You were pulling the face you make when you're judging yourself. And I'm having none of that. You're beautiful, fullstop.” she narrowed her eyes at him, daring him to prove her wrong. Janus chuckled. “Guilty as charged.” he hummed, standing to walk over to their small island counter.

His mom huffed, nodding, walking alongside her son, combat boots making a soft thumping noise on the tiles. Janus hid a wince as the sound of clicking heels entered his mind.

Click, click, click.

He swallowed, sitting. “Here you go!!” chirped Mamma, smiling as she placed the plates down. “Thank you dear.” Mom said softly kissing Mamma’s cheek on her way past. “Thanks mamma.” Janus chipped in, trying not to show his teeth while he smiled. Mamma beamed, swirling around to plop down in her seat.

Janus reached out to grab the berries, randomly dropping them over the waffles. He was cautious, ensuring he didn’t open his mouth too wide, taking in small little bites. Mum started talking about what she would be doing while Janus was at school, working on the new barley crops. “Those darn aphids! They've been going off everywhere!!!” Janus slowly chewed on a piece of blue berry.

“I think you're gonna need to get some pest spray mum.” Janus pointed out. Mamma nodded. “Do you want me to pick some up honey? I’m going into town anyway for some more mango seeds.”

Janus smirked against his milk glass, washing down the waffles. “Again with the Mangos Mamma?”

Mamma shrugged, smiling. “I want to make some jams! And maybe I might try making mango sorbet again.” Janus grinned. “Yes please!” His gaze flickered to the clock on the wall, and he sighed. “Well, as much as I hate it, I should go.” he said with a huff, shovelling the last of the waffles into his mouth and drowning the milk.

“Okay darling, have a nice day!” Mamma said with a smile. “See you this afternoon ‘kay snek-a-doodle? You’ll help me with the cows again?” Janus smirked, collecting his plate and glass. “Absolutely.” he stated, placing his dishes in the sink. “See you this afternoon!” he called, snatching up his gloves and mask off their hanger and then scooping up his bag.

He swung his bag half on, fumbling to put on his yellow gloves. They were bulky and too big to allow room for his claws, a black band around the start of the four fingers and wrist to prevent slipping and looked ridiculous, but it was better than exposing his features to the world. He had to be careful, pausing to ensure none of his scales got caught on the fabric. He then put on his mask, a simple also yellow fabric that covered his mouth and nose. He then twisted to reach into his front pocket of his bag, pulling out his earphones and lime mp3 player, shoving the buds into his ears and turning it on, blasting the music at the highest volume.

[ 🎶 Looking for an exit in this world of fear

I can see the path that leads away

Mama never left, and daddy needs me here

I wish the wind would carry a change

Looking through the window to a world of dreams

I can see my future slip away

Honey you won't get there if you don't believe

I wish the wind would carry a change 🎶 ]

He wandered through the fields of crops and fields of animals, waving a hello to the farmer next door. Michel, his name was, he grows the best peaches. He guessed that there was a satisfying crunch as Janus jumped from a small ledge down onto the orange autumn leaf-covered road. Wandering along the side of the road, Janus quietly hummed along to his music all the way to the bus stop. He quickly checked the suns position, having done it many many times, relieved to find he was on time and the bus should be here any minute.

[ 🎶 I've had enough

I'm standing up

I need, I need a change

I've had enough

Of chasing luck

I need, I need a change 🎶 ]

Sure enough the death machine, painted yellow and screeching nearly as loud as its passengers came swerving around the corner, somehow audible through Janus’s music, metal rusted gears screaming as the beast came to a halt. That thing was definitely gonna kill people one day. Janus huffed, climbing the rickety steps and flashed his card at the bus driver, who looked like he had been going for six months without sleep and would snap someone's neck.

They traded nods, having known each other since Janus first ‘moved’ to the country. They never really spoke to each other, but traded nods, ‘hey’s’, and ‘mood’s’ so he was cool. Janus sat right behind the bus driver, dumping his bag next to him so no one would take the seat next to him. Not that it was necessary, everyone actively avoided him. He then maintained his death glare, slipping it on as easily as putting on his mask.

Some kids, janus found, take enjoyment in throwing things at the bus driver, so janus took it upon himself to protect the bus driver from the nuisances, and in return, once the bus driver found out, he would keep the passengers from taking the spot so Janus wasn't forced to sit next to anyone.

[ 🎶 I'm setting fire to the life that I know (I know)

Let's start a fire everywhere that we go (we go)

We starting fires,

We starting fires till our lives are burning gold 🎶 ]

Janus sat, guarding the busdriver and spacing out till he felt the bus sharply halt. Hip hip hooray for hell. He sighed, standing up and wandered off the bus, bidding farewell to the busdriver with a small nod of the head. He turned his attention to his new problem.

The school's shadow engulfed him standing tall over him, and a part of janus feared it may crumble and crush him. People were chatting, boys flirting and betting, bullies shoving random people and dropping curses. Janus’s personal hell. Well, here goes nothing!

[ 🎶 I've had enough

Of chasing luck

I need, I need a change 🎶 ]

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secretlystephaniebrown · 7 years ago

Text

Letters to No One: 6/6

Summary: Lucretia writes letters that she can never send over the years.

Final chapter! Wow this ended up being longer than I expected.

For Taako, we're mixing things up a bit, but I hope you guys still enjoy! Thanks for reading, and double thanks to everyone who's taken the time to leave a comment while I've been writing this! <3

Beginning

Also on Ao3

Taako sees Lup going through some letters one day, when she and Barold are visiting. He wanders over and grabs one randomly off the pile. He recognizes the gentle curves of the handwriting easily, and sees red.

Taako, like all of them, had taken turns filling in for Lucretia on the cycles when she’d died. He’d filled in his parts of the journals, picking up where her handwriting had left off. After a hundred years of that handwriting, he could recognize it anywhere. (He’d seen letters from the Director and hadn’t thought a thing, because she wasn’t anyone important.)

“Why is she writing to you?” He demands. Lup snatches it back before he can rip the letter into tiny pieces, like he wants to.

“She did it while I was gone.” Lup picks up another one, keeping a careful eye on him, as if making sure that he doesn’t take a fireball to the table. It’s tempting, he has to admit, but he wouldn’t do it, because she’s the one who can spell shape, not him, and he’d never hurt Lup. “It’s… enlightening.”

Taako fumes. He fumes even more when he sees Barry has his own stack of letters, annotated in red ink, stacked neatly on the desk in the house that Taako has been sharing with the Reapers Three whenever they’re not out in the Astral Plane.

“I think they helped her,” Magnus says when Taako goes to visit him to rant about it. His letters are scattered across his kitchen table, weird carvings weighing them down like paperweights. He’s holding one of them in his hand, looking at it strangely. “Talking to us.”

“Whose fault is it that she couldn’t?” Taako snaps. He doesn’t get it, how they’ve all forgiven her. As if it wasn’t her fault. Sure, they don’t hate her, he understands that, because yeah, okay, maybe he doesn’t hate her anymore. But there’s a difference between not hating and forgiveness and he doesn’t understand how it is that they’ve managed to find it.

Magnus shrugs. “Hers. She knows it. But she still missed us.”

“She doesn’t deserve too!” Taako throws his hands into the air. “We didn’t get to miss her. We didn’t even bet to miss each other!”

Magnus shrugs again.

Merle just pours him a cup of tea. Outside, the sea crashes against the beach. The kids, the kids who are only just learning to call him “Uncle Taako,” even though they should have been doing it their whole lives, are playing on the shore. “I dunno, I thought they were interesting.”

Taako calls Davenport on his Stone of Farspeech that night, because if anyone could understand, it would be him.

“It’s just what she does, Taako. You cook, Magnus carves, she writes. It’s… comforting.” Davenport is in some far away place, exploring the world. Taako has a postcard from him in his pocket, describing the kind of spiced tea that a port town specializes in. He’s seen postcards pinned to Magnus’ walls and Merle’s, and read Lup and Barry’s out loud to Kravitz.

He wonders if Lucretia gets postcards. He wonders if she keeps them in a scrapbook or something—it’s been over a decade, maybe she picked up scrapbooking.

“Well, why didn’t she write to me then?”

The words surprise him, so he hangs up before Davenport can respond.

He turns that thought over and over in his head, trying to understand it. He doesn’t care what she thinks of him. He doesn’t care that she didn’t try to offer him an explanation, not like the way that she’s offered everybody else.

Some small, rational part of himself that sounds weirdly like Merle, points out that he’s been avoiding Lucretia.

To spite that particular part of himself, he makes sure to kick a fucking tree and tell Mavis and Mookie an embarrassing story about their dad which he definitely embellishes a little. It’s kind of hard to horrify a couple of kids who know that their dad has died a shit ton of times and are aware of his proclivities towards plants because Lucretia’s journals got broadcasted right into their brains, but Taako has never let a little thing like that stop him.

He decides to take matters into his own hands, because talking to Lucretia about his feelings is absolutely overrated, no matter what Kravitz says.

He breaks into the new Bureau of Balance headquarters, which is much easier now that it’s not on the moon, and raids her office, pointedly ignoring the portrait of all of them hanging on the wall. It’s fully restored and he hates how happy they look. Because they were young and stupid and didn’t realize how everything was going to go to shit and it’s not fair.

“Taako? What are you doing?”

Lucretia looks better, he has to admit, now that the Hunger is passed. She’s not younger by any stretch of the word, but she looks less tired, less wary. The dark circles under her eyes which he had for over a year dismissed as nothing have faded away. She’s letting her hair grow too. Not as long as it ever got on the Starblaster, but it’s no longer cropped short like it was when he’d met her once again for the first time.

He scowls and turns to face her, faking a grin that he knows she’ll see right through. “Hear you’ve been writing letters. Wanted to see what you’ve got to say for yourself.” There’s an unspoken challenge there, and they both know it.

Her faces goes blank. “Bottom left drawer,” she says. She waves a hand, and some sort of magical protection dispels.

It’s a lot of paper, all covered in thousands of lines of that same, careful handwriting. They’re tied together with a neon pink ribbon.

Lucretia stands there, leaning against an ordinary staff, and she looks older once again. The world seems to be resting on her shoulders, and Taako should care, but he doesn’t, he doesn’t, because she doesn’t deserve his pity.

Taako storms out, with the letters under his arm and goes to the school.

Taako,

“Sizzle It Up with Taako” is a bomb-ass banger of a show. I went in disguise and sat in the back, just in case. Your act was inspired. It was great to see you back in the kitchen, and the bits I got to taste were magnificent.

You seemed perfectly at home in the kitchen, which was great to see.

I wonder though…

Do you ever notice that the van is large enough for three? My plan was for you and Lup to be a double-act, with Barry as your driver. That might be a bit cruel to Barry, yes, to be relegated to that role, but he and Lup would be near each other. I have no doubt that the two of them would have fallen in love again. How could they not? A century of love can’t just be erased. It’s part of why I separated the rest of you. But at least the three of you would be together. He’d have sent in an application for the University in Neverwinter, so he’d at least have that option, but… I doubt he’d have left Lup.

But even without them, you seem at home there, using alchemy in the kitchen, all flashy and bright. You shine like a sun, in that place. I’m so glad, Taako.

-L

It’s not the first letter, but it’s the first one that matters. Taako throws it down and tries to think back to his caravan, thinks about Sazed, who he’d hired, not Lucretia, and he tries to think.

Lup and him both in the caravan, elbows brushing against each other in a space not quite large enough but not caring, because it’s each other. Cooking and laughing, using magic and flare and showmanship in their creations, travelling and never stopping in one place for too long.

Barry, with them, awkward and hesitant like he’d been before he’d known them, slowly getting talked into magical conversations, being a bit of a nerd, flirting with Lup, slowly, painfully slowly, falling in love in the most ridiculous way possible.

Taako shoves the thoughts aside, because it had never happened. Instead, Barry plunged off the Starblaster, killed by Taako, and Lup had been stuck in an umbrella for a decade, while Taako had been alone in that caravan.

He’d been alone and he shouldn’t have been, and Lucretia knew that.

Taako,

I hear you’re a hit in the Underdark. Of course you are. I hope you’re enjoying your newfound celebrity.

There’s still no word on Lup. I’m looking, Taako, I promise, and the moment I find her I will bring her back to you.

-L

Seeing Lup’s name written in Lucretia’s careful handwriting is more painful than Taako had thought it would be.

He should be mad, he thinks, about Lucretia spying on him. Keeping an eye on him, like she cares.

He’s not though. He just grabs the next letter and keeps reading. He’s not sure why he’s even reading them, because it’s not like they’re going to change anything. He knows what she’s done. Her feeling sad about it doesn’t matter.

Her loneliness does not undo his own.

Taako,

I’ve heard about

I can’t believe

You’d never

Glamor Springs was a

When I first heard about Glamor Springs, I sent someone to investigate what had happened. I… I can’t quite believe that it’s actually happened. I know it was not intentional—you’re many things Taako, but I know you’d never kill with your cooking. But an accident… it just seems so unlike you that I can’t wrap my head around it.

You’re a wanted elf now. I can almost hear the jokes we would have made about it once, but it was always different, when we’d known that they’d never see us again after the end of the year. You might be running for the rest of your life.

I considered writing up a version of events and feeding it to the Voidfish. I could give you a fresh start, let you begin from scratch.

But…

The only reason I could do it so effectively the first time was that I knew the material so well. My journals were the story of our adventures—your anecdotes about the mongoose language were there, Lup’s doodles were in the margins, there are entire sections written in Magnus’s handwriting because he didn’t believe I was doing the story justice. Even your history before our adventure, I knew well enough to be able to edit around, because we’d had a hundred years to get to know each other. I knew every detail. I knew what I was doing, and I could handle it all with immaculate care.

I don’t know what happened to you, those years wandering Faerun as a wandering chef. I have broad strokes, but with work like this, I’m terrified of what would happen if I slipped up. If I’m too ruthless, someone else could end up like Davenport. If I’m too sparring, you could end up being wanted but not know why.

As much as it pains me to admit it Taako… you’re a stranger to me now.

And I can’t afford to spare the resources that it would take to learn your story well enough to do that.

I’m sorry Taako. I really am. I just wanted you to be happy.

-L

Taako stops reading, after the letter about Glamour Springs. He gets up and shoves them in a desk he never uses, because he doesn’t need a desk, he mostly just have one because Magnus carved it for him and it looks pretty fucking sweet, and then he goes into the kitchen and makes all of Lucretia’s favorite dishes out of spite and then he feeds them to the Bone Squad, ignoring Lup and Barry’s looks.

Lup finds the letters that night. “So you went to see her?”

“Yeah,” Taako says.

“Did you two… talk?”

Taako throws himself onto the couch—not the comfy sofa thing that Barry bought and won’t let him get rid of, but the proper couch, the one that’s for fainting and dramatic flinging.

“No,” he says, once he’s in proper position.

Lup drops the letters on his face, because she’s a terrible sister like that.

“Read them,” she says unsympathetically. “I know it’s hard. But I think it will help.”

“Help what?” Taako wants to say.

But Lup asked him too, so he keeps reading.

Taako,

When I heard you had found Merle and Magnus I laughed until I cried. Avi thought I had lost my mind.

I’m so glad you’ve found them again.

-L

“Yeah, well, whose fault is it that I didn’t have them?” Taako mutters, flipping the page.

On the back, she’s sketched a view of the Moon Base from her office. It’s just a quick doodle—Lucretia’s a really fucking good artist though, so it’s good.

He stares at it, and he’s shocked to realize that he misses that place.

How fucked up is that?

Taako,

I’ve done a lot of damage, haven’t I?

It’s taken me a while to realize just how much removing Lup from the equation has changed you. But it has, irrevocably, completely, and astonishingly. I’ve never known you to be like this; it’s like you’re harder, angrier, somehow. I don’t know if I even have the write words to describe it. You trust less. You were always lonely, but now, it feels infinitely greater. You walk around like there’s a gaping hole, a void that can’t be filled, or even grieved properly.

It’s only now that I realize that maybe removing Lup wasn’t a mercy. In my year alone, the pain was so much that it was crippling. I wished so much that I could just forget, so I could do what I needed to do, because the pain, the grief, was just too much.

I have never believed the adage “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” If I had realized how long it would be, maybe I would have made a different decision. But I had no idea that it would take me a decade to even get one artifact besides my Staff.

I should have let you keep her, I see that now. It’s too late to change it, but I can see that now. Even though she can’t be here, I should have left her in your story. I guess, somehow, I was always so focused on not seeing you as two parts of a whole that I failed to realize that being separate people didn’t mean that you didn’t need each other.

I’m so sorry Taako.

-L

Taako throws the letters across the room. The ribbon is undone, and as a result the paper goes everywhere, individual sheets floating across the room and Taako just stands in the middle of it all, breathing heavily and trying not to cry.

The Death Trio are gone, checking out a rock band that’s possibly a necromantic cult or just is really into a skull aesthetic, and so Taako’s alone, in the house, and he wants to call up Lucretia and give her a goddamn piece of his mind.

It’s not right, he thinks, falling to the floor. Paper crinkles underneath him, but he doesn’t care.

For a century, it never mattered.

They’d all been sold out before, been betrayed, been stabbed in the back—sometimes literally. They’d died, they’d lost, they’d been screwed over, but it hadn’t mattered.

Because the rest of the world didn’t.

All of those other worlds, none of it had counted. They were dust. Why should Taako care if dust betrayed them? They were at best, impermanent and at worst, dead.

Taako didn’t need them. Sure, he’d liked some of the people over the years, but they hadn’t mattered. And so what if they didn’t like him? So what if they betrayed him? So what?

There had been six people who did, who were there for him. There wasn’t just Lup, anymore. There were six other, ridiculous, dumb, stubborn assholes who were there for him and cared about him.

Lucretia mattered.

She mattered, and she’d done this anyways.

She’d left him alone.

And that…

That counted.

Taako,

Do you really have to be so mean to Angus? All of you are, honestly, but that boy looks up to you so much.

-L

Taako goes to clean up and he doesn’t intend to read any of it, because clearly, what more could there be to say after that?

He looks down at that one, and swallows.

They’re all out of order now, randomly scattered across the room. He can’t help but look at them as he gathers them up and read Lucretia’s notes. There are doodles and recipes and a watercolor portrait of him and Lup. There’s mission debriefs and descriptions of whatever stupid shit she caught Magnus or Merle doing.

He gives in and puts them back in order to keep reading.

Taako,

The Grim Reaper?

-L

“Shut up,” Taako mutters, but his mouth twitches.

Taako,

It’s all my fault, isn’t it?

The Hunger is coming back, and I’m not sure that we can stop it. I don’t know if we can get all the artifacts in time.

And Barry and Lup’s warnings about the side effects of the shield…

I have doubts, Taako.

I can’t stand that. I’ve done too many horrible things to have doubts now. If I have doubts, it means I did all these things for nothing. Everything I’ve sacrificed, everything I’ve done, I did for a reason. It must be for a reason.

But look at what I’ve done to you—my family, my friends.

Would that disaster in Glamor Springs had happened if you’d been aware that you didn’t have a second person that you were used to, checking your work as you went? If you were the full, powerful wizard that I’d known during our century together, rather than someone who is still unravelling the true extent of his arcane powers?

Would Merle’s marriage have collapsed if he’d had a century of wisdom and peacemaking to draw upon? Would Magnus have lost his wife if he had all his skills as a warrior and protector?

These questions haunt me. I tried to give you all happy endings, but did I end up robbing you of the tools you needed to maintain them? You were all heroes. You deserved happy endings, you deserved the world to be kind to you.

You are going to hate me when you remember, I know that. I deserve that. I deserve all of it. I’ve done horrible things in the name of pursuing my goals, but what I’ve done to all of you… that’s the unforgivable.

But does that matter? I can’t bring myself to saying that I wouldn’t do most of it again. I would have changes, yes, but… the wars over the relics needed to be stopped. That I know, in my bones. There were far too many dead, Taako.

But of course, I can’t say if it will be worth it or not until the shield spell works or doesn’t.

If it works…

It will have been worth it.

Right?

-L

Taako stares at the letter for a long, long time.

He reads it over and over again, trying to think of what to… well, think.

Because…

Yeah, Lucretia has a good point.

She’d made them worse. Irrevocably, worse. They’d lost purpose, they’d lost their kindness, their bonds to other people, they’d lost a century of lessons learned and skills painfully gained. She’d stripped all of that away and gone off on her own, determined to fix the mistakes that all of them had made.

Taako crumples up the letter again, then slowly straightens it out, because he needs to reread it.

He stares.

Lup was in the umbrella before Lucretia had fed Fisher the journals.

He thinks about her, scrying over and over again, until she collapsed from exhaustion. Taako had never even thanked her, because he was too busy trying to find her as well. She’d been looking.

Over and over again, in her letters, she’d promised him that she’d been looking.

How would they have found her? How long would it have been for them to track down Wave Echo Cave? And would they have looked in the umbrella, or made assumptions that she was… elsewhere, like Lucretia had? It had taken Lup months to gain enough strength to try to message him.

Would Magnus have met Julia? Taako’s visited the grave, walked through the town of Raven’s Roost, rebuilt and in its glory, and now he wonders what could have brought Magnus to that town, made him stay. He’d led a revolution, and he’d fallen in love and gotten married and yeah, maybe he could have saved Julia if he’d been like he is now, but…

She had died while Magnus was gone. Taako knows that story. It had taken until after the Hunger, but Taako knows the story.

And he and Merle went out a few months back and found this Kalen and finished things, because Lucretia was right about that, at least.

Magnus had earned that happy ending.

They all had.

Merle had earned a life on the beach, but… Taako doesn’t know that he agrees with Lucretia. Merle was still learning to be a dad, and he had no idea what he was doing.

Taako tries to think about the world, where Lucretia never did what she did. He thinks about wars, and the Relics blowing shit up, about the way that all of them had been… withering, in those months. Lup had been gone and there was no trace of her and…

Taako doesn’t know if that would have been a better world.

Taako,

I was right I guess.

I can’t believe you’d handed Lup right over to me and I hadn’t realized it. If I had just thought, I might have been able to free her from that.

I don’t know what it would have changed, but I could have answered that question so much faster.

The world is saved. I was right, but I was wrong, and I don’t…

I keep trying to think of how we could have gotten here without this, I really do. I know what I’ve done is unforgivable. I’m not trying to justify it. I deserve every ounce of your hatred. I don’t expect you to ever read this post-script, this final letter, this epilogue.

The Hunger is defeated. We finally can move on with our lives.

I just wish the cost hadn’t been quite so high.

I’m not even sure what to do with these letters. You don’t want to come near me, and I am trying to respect your wishes. But it feels wrong, to never send these letters. To never give you at least the chance to have the answers to some of the questions you may have.

I’m not asking for your forgiveness. I don’t deserve it.

But I just want you to know that you are my family, and I love you still, even though I know you want nothing to do with me.

-Lucretia

Taako goes to see her.

“This doesn’t make it right,” he tells her. She’s sitting in her office, because there’s no throne room in the new Bureau of Benevolence. Lucretia’s still dramatic, sure, because this office is fucking bombastic as fuck, but now she doesn’t need a giant fucking staircase or a base on the moon. Taako’s not sure where she’s channeling all of her extra, but it’s probably around somewhere. Maybe there’s a secret passage or something. He’ll ask Angus, Angus would have found a secret passage in the first week.

Lucretia looks at him in surprise. “You read them.”

“Of course I did,” Taako says with a lightness he doesn’t feel.

“Taako,” she says. “I know it doesn’t matter. I know what I did was unforgivable. It’s not fair, I know, that your happiness was collateral damage to save the world.” Grief, Taako realizes, is deeply set into her face. She’s old, she’s fucking old, she’s way older than him, and that feels weird. “I know that nothing can ever make amends for that. You deserved so much better, Taako.”

“Yeah,” Taako says quietly. “I did.”

She bows her head and lowers her eyes, and Taako drops the letters onto her desk.

They’re not her letters. They’re written on Kravtiz’s fucking emo stationary. She looks up at him, startled.

“Doesn’t mean you don’t deserve better as well,” he says. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not fucking cool with it—but you know. You kept looking.” He swallows, his throat tight. “That… that matters.”

Lucretia carefully undoes the ribbon—he’d found the ugliest, frilliest, laciest ribbon he could, and then transmuted it to make it worse.

Pages upon pages of letters explode outwards, because Taako had rigged a tiny bit of a spell on there, and Lucretia picks one up.

“Lucretia,” she reads. “So I made some weird pumpkin cake thing that nobody likes and I know now it’s because you’re the only person who likes it and I never could figure out why I’d keep making it even though I kept telling myself I’d change the recipe. Dash, Taako, you know, from TV.”

She looks up at him, her eyes large and watering, pressing the letter against her chest like it’s something precious.

“Thank you,” she whispers.

Taako shrugs. “Don’t make a big deal out of it,” he says. “I’m still mad at you.”

But he meets her eyes, and finds himself smiling.

#Taako #Lucretia #Letters To No One #TAZ Fic #The Adventure Zone #TAZ: Balance #Steph Writes

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cb-143 · 7 years ago

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Xeno-T Reaction: Their s/o is obsessed with Harry Potter

@huis-totally-innocent-smirk: Guten Abend meine Liebe❤ Can I please have a ToppDogg reaction (ft. Jenshe) to their gf being a huge Harry Potter fan? Like she sometimes just randomly says some spells or wears a HP houses cape (yano what i mean i hope) etc etc

P-Goon

The TV was heard in the background, some commercial for dish-soap was on, but Sehyuk didn't really mind, as he was typing away on his phone. You were currently in the kitchen, cutting tomatoes for the salad you'd have for dinner. So as Sehyuk was doodling around on his phone, he focused on the rhythmic sound of your cutting. He didn't know why, but those sounds sounded so domestically.. reassuring to him. So when the sound suddenly stopped, he looked up, meeting your dreamy eyes with his confused ones. Still holding the knife that was now dripping tomato-juice, you walked into the living room and pointed at the TV that now showed the Warner Brother's Opening sequence, and was loudly playing Hedwigs Theme. "Harry potter" you whispered, happy and mesmirised.

"What did I marry?" whispered Sehyuk back in a shocked voice.

Jenissi

He was annoyed at you. He wanted to go on a date with you, but all you wanted to do was watch those darn movies. It ended up with him leaving out of anger, and you crying your eyes out in the shower. When you came out of the shower and went back into your bedroom with only the towel on, you were surprised to find Jenissi sitting on your bed.

"I-I'm so-" you went to apologise, but Taeyang stopped you. He pulled you towards him, the towell sliding off in the process, and you fell on your bed. Pinning your hands down with his large, strong hands, he immediately started to attack your body with his mouth, kissing and licking in all the areas he could reach. He aggressively nibbled on your neck, determined to leave a mark there. You were so overwhelmed, felt so good. Your head felt so cloudy, you didn't even notice when Jenissi reached below your bed to pull out something from below. You only noticed when even more pleasure ran through you as Jenissi turned on the vibrator he held against your clit//the head of your cock.

"Who needs Hogwarts when you can just get a hitatchi wand?"

Hojoon

"Tell me again why I have to do this?" It was a while back, before Xeno-T even debuted as Topp Dogg, when you had dragged him with you to be one of the first ones to buy the new book. Since Hojoon loved his pottery glasses, you had made him fully dress up as Hojoon Potter, had even drew him the scar and bought him the full on outfit, with wand, broom, and co. Now you stood in front of your local book store, all dressed up, and waiting. While it was cold, and it was late, and there are several other things he could be doing right now, Hojoon thought that this had something cute. He got to spend time with you, do something with you that's connected to something the both of you love. He might be freezing to death, but at least he was going to die with his favourite person... if only they let them into the bookstore!!

"Can we really not get in? They have to know how cold it is, right? Have you tried alohomora?"

Sangdo

He knew what a big fan of Harry Potter you were, so when you went to London to spend your holiday there, he took you to the 'Making Of Harry Potter' Warner Brothers Studio Tour. You had a blast going through it, and Sangdo enjoyed it too: He took so many pictures of the things they had on display, or of you in front of certain things, or of the both of you. What seemed the most beautiful and amazing to not only him but you as well though was the big model of the Hogwarts Castle in the last room of the tour. It was gigantic, there were stairs leading all around it as you walked from top to bottom. Sangdo thought it looked best from below, and went to capture the castle from this angle – dropping his camera in the process. You were shocked, hoping he didn't break his camera. When Sangdo stayed on his knee for a moment, just staring at the camera, you were even more worried. You asked him about the camera, but all he did was to look at you, a blush on his cheeks, and smiling shyly. He took your hand in his, fishing something out of his pocket with his other hand, when he asked you the question. "Y/N Y/L/N.. Will you marry me?"

Nakta

For your birthday this year, Yooncheol went all out. He knew how much you love Harry Potter and that you've always loved it. So he got many, m a n y decorations. He used empty toilet roll things and covered them up in tissue, making candles out of them, which he then hung onto the ceiling in your kitchen. On the inside of the toilet lid, he put a picture of the moaning Myrtle. He printed out lots and lots of pictures, some random ones like a picture of the Hogwarts Express, some ghosts of Hogwarts, and some pictures you'd find in the lovely castle of the school. There were so many things, it took him hours to plan, to make/build, and to put everything in it's place, he almost forgot to make you a cake (which was in the shape of a snitch). When you finally got home to all of this, you were so shocked, so overwhelmed. You were speechless, and Yooncheol didn't know if it was good or bad. He stood there kind of awkwardly, until you jumped onto him, hugging him tightly to thank him for what he had done. "Do you like it, baby? Happy birthday..."

Byungjoo

When you first suggested having a movie night or a full on movie marathon, Byungjoo didn't think of something like Harry Potter. He knew you loved the series, and how often you had re-read the books, but he didn't think you'd actually do a Harry Potter marathon. He had imagined a shorter series, something that didn't have 8 films, and wouldn't take up so, S O many hours. When it finally came to it, and you told him about your actual magical plans, he was still really hyped for it. Watching movies was fun after all, so, what should go wrong? Well, he found out how it could go wrong shortly after.

Not only did you whisper every single word the characters said when they said it, which was kind of creepy to him, but you also hummed the music, the melodies and everything, when they were heard. He was freaked out enough by that, but managed to fall asleep nonetheless. When he later woke up, you were on the 6th movie, still wide awake, eyes glued to the screen, and a piece of popcorn on the corner of your mouth. How were you even doing this? ”Wow..” Byungjoo decided to change the course of the evening. He leaned forward, capturing the piece of popcorn between his lips, pulling it into his mouth with his tongue, before kissing you.

"Let me show you the magic I can do."

Xero

He was playing one of these quiz-duel-games on his phone, but since he's definitely not the smartest, he needed your help. The fact that he didn't know the answer to the current question made you ask yourself why you did not break up with him yet: "What's the address of the Durselys in Harry Potter? A) Privet Drive 4, B) Linguster Way 7, C) 221B Baker Str, D) Privet Drive. 10." "Are you serious?" you'd practically yell at him, "It's literally in the first line of the book! 'Mr. And Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much' it's basically history! Basic knowledge!" you went on a full on rant, Jiho zoning out about half way through, only coming back to you mentally to hear "[...] and if Ron had never tried to make Malfoy spit out slugs, then obviously he wouldn't be with Hermione now, and also..." Honestly, by now Jiho just wished he had never asked you. The time for his game had run out already. 20 years had passed since you started ranting at him.

"I.. I only wanted to know the answer to the question?"

Sanggyun

You had a discussion (more like heated argument) about which movie is the surperior, Harry Potter or [insert any literally any other movie title, hp always wins]. Sanggyun was behaving almost ignorant, not understanding your point of view, and not wanting to understand that Harry Potter was, is, and will always be one of the best book and movie series. "I just don't get," he started, sighing, "what you like so much about it? It's seven books. My series only has like 3 and it's enough to tell the whole story." - "oh, oh you want to know what I like so much about it?!" Sanggyun nodded frantically. "Well aren't I glad you asked! Give me a second!"

You came back an hour later with your laptop, on it a Power-Point presentation with 64 slides, detailed graphs, examples, animations, fancy effects and everything. You proceeded to show Sanggyun everything you had written down, everything you found out, to show him just how great Harry Potter is. Sanggyun found it both hilarious and cute that you went through so much, went to such lengths, just for a few fictional characters. He couldn't even be mad at you. He had to let you win.

"I love you, babe. You're even more extra than me."

Sangwon

You dragged him to a convention near your home. You were so excited for it, as was Sangwon, it was the first convention you'd go to, and it was all based around Harry Potter! You cosplayed as [your favourite character] and made Sangwon cosplay as Newt Scamander.

At first, you both had so much fun looking at all the other people cosplaying, looking at all the booths with merch and other kinds of things.. then after a few hours, Sangwon asked to go home the first time. His feet hurt. But this was a one time thing, and you couldn't come back to this again. Sangwon understood how much you loved Harry Potter, so he agreed to stay a bit longer.

Then, you came to another big thing with merch on it, and it had the coolest, cutest, and just best merch out of any of the booths you had seen! It had t-shirts with some really rare quotes (ones out of the books, even!), had figurines and plushies, different kinds of sweets... there were so many things, and you felt pumped, like you were in heaven. You were smiling so wide, felt giddy, as you pointed out one thing after the other to Sangwon.

"And that, that quote on that one, is from the second book, and it's something Ginny said to Harry, and it's sooo legendary, and oh!! Do you see that cat over there? Oh my god that is Crookshanks!! That is soo adorable! Oh my god we have to get that! Please please please??"

Sangwon felt so exhausted, his feet hurt so much, and he just wanted a bed, a nice drink and some sleep. But in his tired state, he found you even cuter than usual. He smiled softly, nodded, already pulling out his wallet. He loved that you were so passionate about it, and your smile was so cute to him that he couldn't even be annoyed at you.

*too tired and awkward to speak, shhh*

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mika-rd · 7 years ago

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Understanding teen identity

Who am I? Who are You? Who are We? Cultural Identity in the 21st Century from Multiple Psychological Perspectives - Cultural identity is more fluid now than it has ever been in human history. Living in a globalized and technologically connected world means unprecedented levels of exposure to various cultures and ways of living. Understanding “who you are” is emphasized through mantras like “be true to yourself”, which is heard incessantly on reality shows like the Voice. How do we form cultural identities in a globally connected world that emphasizes individuality and identity fluidity, but also tribalism, community, and group identity?

Teen development...feeling felt

Basing what is written and designed off this simple quote to the argument of identity, its going to get better. But don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, not everyone has your best interests at heart - be wary, trust yourself first to shape you. There is a societal assumption we should be a certain way...

In 1923, Meyers-Briggs tests were created. Individuals could take a short self-assessment and determine if they were introverted or extroverted if they thought more or felt more, if they were often sensing or using intuition, or if they were judging or using their perception.In reality, either/or questions were not enough for us. Skip to the 21st century, where a simple search on the Internet can bring up literally thousands of questionnaires that can be used to determine who we really are. In ten questions or less, you can pin another label to yourself.

When we understand our identities, we are more self-aware, and we can use that knowledge to help shape us to become the people that we would really like to be...figuring out if a certain trait "feels" good on you is a new and interesting way to define who we are. (odyssey, 2)

Quotes of relevance

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”

― Steven Furtick

Helpful notes

“The development of identity or one's sense of self occurs throughout a lifetime. However, for teens, for the first time in their life, they begin to wonder about who they are and the reasons for that. Identity also involves thinking about how teens perceives themselves and how others perceive them.”

How Teens Figure It Out

Teens will see themselves acting differently according to whom they are with and what the situation is. That can lead to confusion because it adds to their questions of who they really are. For example, teens might ask themselves whether they are:

Reserved or outgoing?

Friendly or distant?

Responsible or carefree?

Teens work out who they are by trying on new identities and experimenting with different appearances or new interests. Fluctuations in choices can startle parents but are normal. This is one way teens "try on" different identities to see what works for them. It could be why "dress up" or theme days for school events are so popular. It gives teens a chance to try something different or unusual in an approved, safe setting.

What Parents Can Do

Don't get alarmed over changes in appearance. Unusual hair colors will grow out and clothing fads change. Pick your battles and keep these issues in perspective.

Encourage teens to pursue their interests in activities such as sports, music, or hobbies.

Help your teen identify their strengths and choose activities that let them shine. A teen who is good at arguing may thrive in debate club. A teen who doodles during school may benefit from an art class where they can be creative.

https://www.extension.umn.edu/family/families-with-teens/resources-parents/whats-normal-for-teen-development/identity/

Social struggle

As both a youth associate serving in the schools and as a parent, Dennis has seen firsthand the emotional and social struggles of young people. "Self-esteem is a huge issue," he says. "The young man I met in the hallway — . . . his buddies had berated him for not being willing to use profanity and for never having had a sexual experience."

Whether they're preteens or nearly adults, peers can compromise the otherwise healthy self-esteem of a young man.

And guys are not alone in this struggle with self-esteem. Madison is a ninth-grader who enjoys the support of an affirming family and a healthy church. But Madison says even Christian teen girls feel the pressure to appear beautiful and perfect in every way. "For girls my age, everything is about body image," she says.

Beverly Odom is assistant director of a large student ministry in Georgia. She says, "Teen girls are constantly comparing themselves to each other and to images they see in the media. I often see the body obsession thing linger on into adulthood."

Six Ways to Build Your Teen's Identity

Social pressures are more pervasive and destructive than ever...Assisting your teen in forging a strong, positive identity is one way to help her form convictions based on truth, and then stand firm in them regardless of what everyone else does.

#1: Encourage Self Discovery

#2: Acknowledge Natural Abilities

support, affirmation, challenging

#3: Create a Family Motto

don’t think this is as relevant

#4: Value Uniqueness

.....

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/teens/your-teens-identity/source-of-self-worth

*only including parts of relevance

Statistics about teen identity

stages of life pdf, for American teens, 2014

63% of teens say they "know who they are" while 37% do not fully know their identity yet.

Parents & Activities/Hobbies: Teens say that "Parents/Family" and "Activities/Hobbies" are the two most important factors in shaping their identity. These far outranked other attributes such as sexual orientation, boyfriend/girlfriends, their church, their school, or their friends.

84% of students say their identities are shaped more by "Nurture" instead of "Nature" (16%)

63% of teenagers say that their appearance is an important factor in their identity.

37% of teenagers say that the way they view their identity now is not necessarily how they will view themselves in the future. Most teens (63%), however, feel that their current identity as a teenager will follow them through life.

66% of teenagers say that they feel most people do not see them for who they really are.

Finding yourself identity in the 21st century

This suspicion was further underscored when I read a New Yorker article by Elizabeth Kolbert earlier this year, “Why Facts Don’t Change Our Minds”. She looked at why humans are so inclined to ignore facts and so disinclined to change their minds when presented with rational information that contradicts their opinions. Interestingly, there is research to show that “people experience genuine pleasure—a rush of dopamine—when processing information that supports their beliefs.”

https://thespinoff.co.nz/parenting/22-08-2017/together-alone-how-do-we-parent-in-a-sea-of-online-advice/

Consider what’s become known as “confirmation bias,” the tendency people have to embrace information that supports their beliefs and reject information that contradicts them. Of the many forms of faulty thinking that have been identified, confirmation bias is among the best catalogued; it’s the subject of entire textbooks’ worth of experiments....Mercier and Sperber prefer the term “myside bias.” Humans, they point out, aren’t randomly credulous. Presented with someone else’s argument, we’re quite adept at spotting the weaknesses. Almost invariably, the positions we’re blind about are our own.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/02/27/why-facts-dont-change-our-minds

Cognitive Development in Adolescence

Although the most rapid cognitive changes occur during childhood, the brain continues to develop throughout adolescence, and even into the 20s (Weinberger, Elvevåg, & Giedd, 2005). During adolescence, the brain continues to form new neural connections, but also casts off unused neurons and connections (Blakemore, 2008). As teenagers mature, the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for reasoning, planning, and problem solving, also continues to develop (Goldberg, 2001). And myelin, the fatty tissue that forms around axons and neurons and helps speed transmissions between different regions of the brain, also continues to grow (Rapoport et al., 1999).

Adolescents often seem to act impulsively, rather than thoughtfully, and this may be in part because the development of the prefrontal cortex is, in general, slower than the development of the emotional parts of the brain, including the limbic system (Blakemore, 2008). Furthermore, the hormonal surge that is associated with puberty, which primarily influences emotional responses, may create strong emotions and lead to impulsive behavior. It has been hypothesized that adolescents may engage in risky behavior, such as smoking, drug use, dangerous driving, and unprotected sex in part because they have not yet fully acquired the mental ability to curb impulsive behavior or to make entirely rational judgments (Steinberg, 2007).

The new cognitive abilities that are attained during adolescence may also give rise to new feelings of egocentrism, in which adolescents believe that they can do anything and that they know better than anyone else, including their parents (Elkind, 1978, p. 199). Teenagers are likely to be highly self-conscious, often creating an imaginary audience in which they feel that everyone is constantly watching them (Goossens, Beyers, Emmen, & van Aken, 2002). Because teens think so much about themselves, they mistakenly believe that others must be thinking about them, too (Rycek, Stuhr, McDermott, Benker, & Swartz, 1998). It is no wonder that everything a teen’s parents do suddenly feels embarrassing to them when they are in public.

Social Development in Adolescence

Some of the most important changes that occur during adolescence involve the further development of the self-concept and the development of new attachments. Whereas young children are most strongly attached to their parents, the important attachments of adolescents move increasingly away from parents and increasingly toward peers (Harris, 1998). As a result, parents’ influence diminishes at this stage.

According to Erikson (Table 6.1 “Challenges of Development as Proposed by Erik Erikson”), the main social task of the adolescent is the search for a unique identity—the ability to answer the question, “Who am I?” In the search for identity, the adolescent may experience role confusion in which he or she is balancing or choosing among identities, taking on negative or undesirable identities, or temporarily giving up looking for an identity altogether if things are not going well.

One approach to assessing identity development was proposed by James Marcia (1980). In his approach, adolescents are asked questions regarding their exploration of and commitment to issues related to occupation, politics, religion, and sexual behavior. The responses to the questions allow the researchers to classify the adolescent into one of four identity categories (see Table 6.4 “James Marcia’s Stages of Identity Development”).

Studies assessing how teens pass through Marcia’s stages show that, although most teens eventually succeed in developing a stable identity, the path to it is not always easy and there are many routes that can be taken. Some teens may simply adopt the beliefs of their parents or the first role that is offered to them, perhaps at the expense of searching for other, more promising possibilities (foreclosure status). Other teens may spend years trying on different possible identities (moratorium status) before finally choosing one.

To help them work through the process of developing an identity, teenagers may well try out different identities in different social situations. They may maintain one identity at home and a different type of persona when they are with their peers. Eventually, most teenagers do integrate the different possibilities into a single self-concept and a comfortable sense of identity (identity-achievement status).

For teenagers, the peer group provides valuable information about the self-concept. For instance, in response to the question “What were you like as a teenager? (e.g., cool, nerdy, awkward?),” posed on the website Answerbag, one teenager replied in this way:

I’m still a teenager now, but from 8th–9th grade I didn’t really know what I wanted at all. I was smart, so I hung out with the nerdy kids. I still do; my friends mean the world to me. But in the middle of 8th I started hanging out with whom you may call the “cool” kids…and I also hung out with some stoners, just for variety. I pierced various parts of my body and kept my grades up. Now, I’m just trying to find who I am. I’m even doing my sophomore year in China so I can get a better view of what I want. (Answerbag, 2007)

Responses like this one demonstrate the extent to which adolescents are developing their self-concepts and self-identities and how they rely on peers to help them do that. The writer here is trying out several (perhaps conflicting) identities, and the identities any teen experiments with are defined by the group the person chooses to be a part of. The friendship groups (cliques, crowds, or gangs) that are such an important part of the adolescent experience allow the young adult to try out different identities, and these groups provide a sense of belonging and acceptance (Rubin, Bukowski, & Parker, 2006). A big part of what the adolescent is learning is social identity, the part of the self-concept that is derived from one’s group memberships. Adolescents define their social identities according to how they are similar to and differ from others, finding meaning in the sports, religious, school, gender, and ethnic categories they belong to.

They are at the stage of Conventional morality - Developing Moral Reasoning: Kohlberg’s Theory - Kohlberg’s theory of morality has been expanded and challenged, particularly by Gilligan, who has focused on differences in morality between boys and girls.

http://open.lib.umn.edu/intropsyc/chapter/6-3-adolescence-developing-independence-and-identity/

Growing up digital: How the Internet affects teen identity - A teen's sense of identity can be heavily influenced by online interactions.

When British 14-year-old Hannah Smith turned to popular social networking site Ask.fm in July 2013, she wanted reassurance.

Stressed out from studying for exams and anxious about the return of eczema that made her feel ugly, Smith opened up about her feelings on the site, which allows users to pose questions others can respond to anonymously.

The responses came in rapid succession. Anonymous posters urged Smith to cut herself and drink bleach. One even said, “Do us all a favour n kill ur self."

When Smith did just that a month later, her father blamed the anonymity of Ask.fm's commenters for his daughter's death. The family demanded action against the site, and Smith's death made international headlines about the effects of cyberbullying.

What detectives found was arguably much more tragic — that Smith sent the hateful messages to herself, hoping her friends would rally in her defense.

While cases like Smith’s are rare, Smith was doing what most teenagers do: seeking identity validation from friends and strangers, often via social media. As a new generation comes of age online, the Internet could be affecting how they form their identity.

Catherine Steiner-Adair, a psychologist and author of “The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age,” says the kind of outside affirmation Smith sought online is a vital part of how teens form identity.

“The need for validation and confirmation that you’re OK is so huge,” Steiner-Adair said. “Parents often say, 'How could you go on a site where people can anonymously respond to whatever your question is: Am I cute? Am I fat?' But we’re forgetting what it means to be a teenager when we say things like that.”

Social media allow kids to broadcast everything while connecting them to experiences they might not have encountered a generation ago. But it also opens teens up to exponential ridicule or an amplified feeling of invisibility that can influence the perceptions they have of themselves.

According to market research data released this year from GFK, a German market research institute, the amount of time teens spend online has grown 37 percent since 2012, to about four hours a day. In a 2010 survey from the Girl Scout Research Institute, 74 percent of girls said they felt their peers used social media to "make themselves look cooler than they are," and 41 percent said that also describes them.

A 2010 study from York University found that people with lower self-esteem spent more time online and posted more "self-promotional" content to sites like Facebook.

Steiner-Adair says that while technology changed how teens seek and get feedback about identity, teen behaviour is much the same.

“Kids are always looking at each other, comparing themselves to each other. The same thing that’s going on in the halls is going on online,” Steiner-Adair said. “The difference for teenagers today is that there’s an endless supply of people to whom they can compare themselves.”

Online vs. real-time identities

Experts like Steiner-Adair and Dr. David Greenfield say the fact that many teens view their online and real-time identities as identical can be a recipe for disaster.

The problem is impulse control, says Greenfield, an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Connecticut School of Medicine and founder of the Center for Internet and Technology Addiction. He says that because teens' brains aren't fully developed, they don't have the impulse control to understand the damage they can do online.

"This group doesn't differentiate. They see their real-time identity and their online identity as identical when in fact they're not," Greenfield said. "Along with that, there's now no delay between the urge to do something and the ability to broadcast it instantaneously. They do and say things online that they ordinarily wouldn't do because it doesn't feel real to them. But what you do in cyberspace follows you into real space."

When the online and real-time identities don't match — or when a hoard of anonymous commenters say they don't — it can get dangerous, Steiner-Adair said.

"Kids spend a lot of time crafting this identity that you hope people will respond favorably to," Steiner-Adair said. “When they feel desperate for feedback or curious in a risky way, social networking sites like Ask.fm play very much on the vulnerability of teens' and preteens’ desire to not only know what people think of them but their hopes that they’re seen as cool and their hunger for approval."

The struggle to differentiate

Technology can also make it more difficult to form an identity. There are more versions of "self" than ever before, which gives kids who may already be struggling to figure out who they are even more to juggle. In an interview with NPR, media theorist and author Douglas Rushkoffexplained the feeling in a term he coined: “digiphrenia.”

“ ‘Digiphrenia’ is the experience of trying to exist in more than one incarnation of yourself at the same time. There's your Twitter profile, your Facebook profile, your email inbox,” Rushkoff said. “All of these sort of multiple instances of you are operating simultaneously and in parallel. And that's not a really comfortable position for most human beings."

In their effort to individualize on the Web, teens use different accounts in different ways, as researcher Katie Davis found out while co-authoring "The App Generation: How Today's Youth Navigate Identity, Intimacy and Imagination in a Digital World."

"There's this interesting dichotomy online where there's an emphasis toward identity consolidation and having this crystallized identity that is well-formed for many different audiences versus an increased opportunity to present different identities," Davis said, explaining that teens often adapt their online identities almost like creating a brand.

The focus on the external image detracts from the creation of a true identity, which Davis says takes serious meditation. "They're tailoring and promoting almost a branded 'self.' If you're all of your time projecting an identity externally, it crowds out the time you have for internal reflection."

The kind of self-promotion or expression varies depending on the network.

"If they're on Facebook, their identities are available for many different audiences to see. So that restricts how they can express themselves because they have to make sure it's OK for a wide audience," Davis said.

The natural urge to seek approval online can create a dependency on the Internet, Greenfield said. Because teens are digital natives, they have a higher likelihood for addiction. He says you can see it in the way teens handle their cellphones.

"[The phone] is so much more than a way of communicating," Greenfield said. "They would no more be out and about without a phone than they'd go without underwear. It’s become part of their identity on a social and cultural level."

Davis and Gardner call it "app-dependent behavior," and while it's rare, it's also a recent development. For example, if a young person has a homework assignment, he or she might go online to get the facts, but Davis said an app-dependent person would also look for analysis of those facts to use in a book report rather than thinking about it themselves.

The same sort of app-dependency rears itself in relationships, where some people rely on talking online rather than in person. Others might depend on Facebook input to make decisions as small as which movie to see or even to resolve personal or moral dilemmas.

"Their online lives and offline lives are both real to them, and they do move fluidly between the two," Davis said. "But I think some young people who become very highly involved in an online community may have a harder time integrating that identity into the real world."

Digital role modeling

The most important tool kids have in their favor is a good parent, the experts say.

"A lot of parents think that because they (don't) understand tech, they throw up their hands. You don’t have to know (exactly how technology works) to set the right kinds of limits," Steiener-Adair said.

Parents must be good digital role models, Davis said.

"Parents are very powerful models for their kids," Davis said. "They see how tied their parents are to technology. It’s really not about the technology; it’s really about how we use it and how dependent we are on technology."

Steiner-Adair came to a similar conclusion while researching her book when she interviewed 1,000 kids ages 4-18 about how much their parents used digital devices. She said she consistently heard from children of every single age that they often felt ignored, frustrated, sad, lonely or mad when vying for their parents' attention or help.

“I talked to one young woman who told me, 'They just asked me about my first semester in college for two seconds and then they stopped to make a dinner reservation,’ ” Steiner-Adair said. “This is not a way we want our children to feel. They do need to know that their parents cherish them.”

Edutopia urges parents to be sympathetic to teens' worries and questions and be familiar with which sites are popular among kids in different age groups.

To help control kids' impulses, Steiner-Adair says, first teach kids how to use the cameras on their phones appropriately rather than for humiliation. Treat devices at sleepovers the same as alcohol: Lock them up or put them out of sight. Make kids understand the power they wield with a smartphone.

"They’re playing in a different sandbox. Kids are being kids with a tool that has far more powerful impact than they understand," Steiner-Adair said. "Parents are feeling understandably overwhelmed by all the challenges technology brings with it. At the same time, this is the age in which we are parenting."

https://www.deseretnews.com/article/865603981/Growing-up-digital-How-the-Internet-affects-teen-identity.html

personal brand (sometimes online) feeling the need to make it apart of your identity, pester power, reaching for more positive thoughts, negative female identity, coming to terms with self, dont compare your life to others...

#research

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