#also if you watched 10yt

[baifengxis]

i don't like being negative about things but this is really just constructive criticism (that no people who make the show will see so it might be useless but anyway ksdkfsdg) i love 23.5 very very much but they tried to fit too many storylines into only 12 (so far 10) episodes and some resolutions just feel so...underwhelming...and it'd be much better to just not do them, for example, this whole thing with aylin and ton was just...not it, it wasn't really addressed and it just left a bitter taste for everyone, plus aylin had trouble talking anyway, we could've had her opening up anyway and use the extra time for aylinluna scenes that for whatever reason went missing today (bcs there was basically nothing and they went to eat in luna's house but we never see that? okay plus no make up scene or anything), also don't get me wrong but there's kinda too much time focusing on supporting boys, it's fine for them to exist and have cute little stories (even tho at this point i really don't know why ton exists but anyway) but i felt like they had so much time and lines in this episode, time and lines that were taken from the MAIN girls but anyway that's gmmtv i guess, so anyway all of this plus how fast the ongsasun conflict escalated and i get it, they're teenagers they do dumb things, i guess the conflict is eventually ongsa being insecure anyway but...we could've spent more time on those things rather than extra storylines that went nowhere and i just felt this issue a lot in this episode

so anyway my love for the show remains and i still believe it's the best thai gl we have so far, but i wanted to share my thoughts that i guess other people share too

[airenyah]

i'm only 4 minutes into ep 11 of 10 years ticket and i'm already cring over ohm pawat's acting

HE'S DOING THE SAME THING AS HE DID IN EP 5 ROOFTOP SCENE (MY BELOVED <3) AND YET IT'S SO DIFFERENT

[airenyah]

@gillianthecat thanks for your tag! i haven't watched this show that you're talking about here, so i can't really say anything specific on these actors themselves

re: your question on disentangling face and acting [spoilers ahead for "bad buddy" and "theory of love" if anyone reading this cares]

disclaimer: this is not proof-read

this is possible, actually! there's a bunch of actors whose faces i like but i still have some negative criticism on their acting. however, in order to do so you need a trained eye and some first-hand acting experience also helps. although i would say your eye is more important here, bc i don't think an actor who never learned how to look and analyze would have that much helpful feedback to give either. personally i was just lucky that i had two teachers at drama school who would make a point of us students analyzing each other's performances. (and i'm also lucky to have a mother who's got an insane eye for performance and who'll watch thai bl with me so i can train these skills even at home)

point is, once you know what to look out for then you will have an easier time distinguishing between what's good or bad even when you like someone's face

(disclaimer: i struggle with acting terms in english bc i usually talk about this in my native language german)

sending: a big topic at drama school was for example "senden" (i guess you can translate it directly to "sending" in english). i won't get into this concept right now, but when you know what that is and what it looks like when an actors "sends" then you'll see it even when the actor has an interesting face

dringlichkeit: also something my monologue teacher talked about all the time. i guess it's best translated with "urgency". this is all about how much urgency comes with a character's emotions and actions, how important everything they're doing or saying is to them. big topic, but hard to explain in a tumblr post

changes? another thing i look out for is whether anything changes. some actors tend to do the same thing over and over again (in a single scene up to throughout the entire series). this can also really difficult to catch if you don't know how to look, but once you do it gets really obvious. basically what i pay attention to is what emotions i can get from a character and whether they're always running on the same basic emotion throughout a scene/epsiode(s)/entire series. hereby it's important to remember that even if the emotion has the same term it can still be different bc emotions are a LOT and we usually feel a whole MIX of emotions. what i mean by that is that when a character starts a scene (or monologue or whatever) angry and ends that scene angry, something about that anger should change by the end of it. maybe the character starts out the scene in a hot rage where they're just angry and annoyed and pissed of and just DONE and ends the scene in a kind of anger where that annoyance and and rage has been replaced with an underlying desperation and the feeling of betrayal and pain. changes apply not only to the portrayed emotions, but also on things such as tempo, volume, etc.

processing: this is another very subtle thing. basically what happens in real life is you see/hear something, your brain has to process that new information and only then you can (re)act. actors who have memorized a script and know exactly what their co-stars are saying should still go through that process. i can see it when an actor doesn't let the words of their co-stars sink in first before they continue with their next action and i can see it when they character is supposed to have new thought and the actor doesn't play the moment a split second beforehand when the character is supposed to have that next thought (you can't act when the thought of the action hasn't even crossed your mind first. your brain is controling your actions so it all has to go through there first). i can see it when a character is supposed to be taking a decision but the actor doesn't take that decision in their head first. and you can also see it when actors do act all of these things out (an absolutely fantastic example: look at the journey of facial expressions ohm goes through in the ep5 rooftop scene right before pat answers "no"!! you can see how he takes in pran's question of "do you want to be my friend", you can see how he considers this question, how he really thinks about it, about what he should say and probably also how pran might react to it, you can see the moment he comes to a conclusion in his head after all that thinking and you can see how he switches to determination right afterwards as he decides to tell pran the truth that no, he does not want to be friends. and my favorite thing about this is that it actually takes him two tries! there is a moment where his lips fall open as if he wants to say something but the words don't come out and it's only on the 2nd attempt that he manages to let out a breathless "no")

thoughts/images: ok so my monologue teacher would talk a lot about "having your thoughts straight" (to put it this way in english. in reality he kept saying various versions of "die Gedanken haben müssen"). my mom instead keeps going on about "creating images". personally i feel like these two concepts come together because in order to create images (you know, like panels in a comic book or pages in a flip book) you need to have actual thoughts. once you know what it looks like when an actor is in no-thoughts-head-empty mode it becomes really obvious when there is absolutely nothing going on in their head. (again for an absolutely fantastic example of an actor having A LOT of thoughts in their head i refer you to my boy ohm pawat, specifically his facial journey on the rooftop between "do you want to be my friend?" and "no". or also the ep4 scene with pat, ink and pran at the bar after ink and pat had the photoshoot, just watch pat the entire scene and you can also see that there's a lot going on in pat's/ohm's head)

spielrichtungen: this is one of those words where i have literally no clue how to say it in english and it's frustrating bc my mom and i talk about this A LOT when we're analyzing acting. a somewhat literal translation would be "direction of acting" or "direction of playing". i guess the best way i can explain it is that what we mean by that is the direction in which the focus or an action of the character is going. it can be outwards it can be inwards (for example a character talking to someone else vs a character talking to themselves). it can be forwards, it can be backwards, it can be up, it can be down. it's always amazing to see when actors are able to jump around with their directions a lot (on that note, i went to watch one of my acting teachers in a play last month and he did that so well, it was a joy to watch). a character's direction can be backwards even when they're talking directly to someone (for example if the character is talking to someone they really don't want to be talking to). a character might be in a conversation and then suddenly switch their focus inwards as they think about something that has just been stated or they might even say entire sentences to themselves (on that note one of the major differences between ohm's acting as pat in bbs and phukao in 10 years ticket is that as pat his direction tends to be very outward and forward whereas as phukao it tends to be very inward. what i mean by that is these are the main directions the characters go through the world in, however ohm does switch up directions at any given moment depending on what the character is reacting to, thinking about, saying or is trying to achieve. meaning that even when phukao has a tendency to be very inwards he'll switch to an outward direction when needed and even when pat has a tendency to be very outwards and forward he too will switch to an different direction when needed. for example that scene in ep4 where ink fixes pat's hair, his direction is away from her and rather inwards, which is completely different only two scenes later in the nivea product placement where his direction is very outward and towards pran. and i LOVE ohm for these choices, it makes it so much richer bc you just KNOW my boy pat has zero interest in ink, no matter how hard he tries)

anyway, this is just the tip of the iceberg of things you can look at to judge whether an actor is better or worse. and these are concepts and techniques that you can absolutely notice even when you like an actor's face. and i know this from experience: for example, theory of love is a very important drama for me bc it helped me deal with a very similar situation in my real life. also, i absolutely ADORE gun atthaphan (his face is so cute?? help??) and i really look up to him as an actor. and yet there are still individual moments where i'm like "ok this doesn't quite work bc [insert reasons] and it would have had a stronger effect if he did [insert my own solution(s) i could come up with]" (for example that moment in the 2nd half of the series where third is sleeping in the theater and then khai comes up to him and kisses him? gun reacted too quickly there: we don't get to see third wake up and process the fact that he's being kissed and realizing exactly who is kissing him and reacting to that realization before he jumps into action. so then that entire scene falls a little flat, it would have been much smoother and would have had a better effect if we'd seen this whole process in third first) (speaking of gun.... on the topic of "does anything change?": gun cries a lot in various dramas and there are no words to describe how amazed i feel at the fact that he cries differently every single time. you can watch all his crying scenes back to back and it's always so DIFFERENT, it's never the same, like???? anyway, when it comes to actors i have a favorite crier and it's him, it's gun, bc damn that boy can cry. and it's so different every time)

also at this point i want to say: how one feels about an actor's performance is also a very subjective thing. just because i'm saying one thing doesn't mean that someone else with the very same experience and knowledge agrees with me. sure there are techniques and concepts that can help you judge whether a performance is good or not so good, but at the end of the day all art is about how it makes you feel and how it touches you personally. an inexperienced performer might touch you much more than an experienced performer for various reasons while for someone else it might be the other way around.

another anecdote from drama school on the topic of subjectivity: my colleague was preparing a bunch of monologues for an important acting austrian acting exam. she practiced them with our monologue teacher (an AMAZING teacher btw - one of the main people who trained my acting analysis skills) and there was this one specific monologue where he really loved her portrayal of it and said he didn't really need to do anything to help her improve it bc to him it was perfect as it was. personally i liked her protrayal just fine, but to me it wasn't all that special and so it wasn't one of my faves from her program. then at some point my colleague presented all of her exam monologues to our voice/articulation teacher for some more feedback (this teacher is the one i mentioned above aka who i went to watch in a play last month! also a very skilled actor). on this particular monologue the voice teacher gave the complete opposite feedback from our monologue teacher. (and actually, that was a really eye-opening experience for me bc i was like "oh WOW i get it, i totally knows what he means!! so that's what my problem with this monolgue was, that's why the monologue wasn't all that interesting to me, he's so right omgggg") needless to say, this caused a bit of a crisis for my colleague... (though there's a happy ending: she got through the exam!!)

alright, i'll stop here as i've already said way too much. also, all of this would be so much easier in person where i could pull up various clips from various shows and compare good performances with not so good performances and where i can point all the things out that i've just talked about and so you can see for yourself what effects that can have on you as a viewer and how much there is to discover 😅

I appreciate everyone's good advice to just drop the damn thing, but for some reason I feel compelled to keep watching Candy Color Paradox, and then complain about it. It's feeling like my experience watching War of Y, although they are very different shows, in that I'm fascinated by it's successes and failures. And I now want to find out what the show ends up saying (either intentionally or not) about the morality of paparazzi journalism. I did notice that two minutes after I paused to write my last post Kaburagi was questioning the ethics of what they did and how it impacted their subject, so I have some hope that the show is at least trying to say something.

However to avoid polluting the tags with my negativity for people who are enjoying the show, I'll keep my criticism below readmores.

Before I get into that, are the editors at the magazine trying to match-make Kaburagi and Onoe? 🤔Because they keep singing the praises of each of them to the other one. 👀

I think the biggest problem for me is that I just don't think the actors are very good. According to MDL they're both idols and don't have much previous acting experience, and I can tell. They're both trying their best, but there is this awkward amateurism to their acting that is distracting me and makes the characters feel less real. I'm just now watching the scene with Congressman's secretary, and it's clear just how much more comfortable this older actor is on screen (at least before he sexually assaults Onoe). He moves and talks and inhabits his body in this unselfconscious way that is engaging to watch. And in the scene when Onoe is talking to his bartender friend, Masayan, my eyes kept being drawn to the bartender, even though all he was doing was listening and nodding. But he just seemed so much present and real.

I bring these two other (much more experienced) actors up because it affirmed for me that it wasn't just my imagination. Both young actors have this tentativeness to their physicality, which really doesn't work for the supposedly cool and dominating Kaburagi, but neither does it feel like it matches the awkwardness that Onoe has. It feels like the actor's own awkwardness, rather than the character's, somehow. It doesn't help matters that they both seem made-up and styled like idols rather than journalists. They just both look so young.

They're not terrible, they both have some nice moments, and Onoe's face especially is growing on me. I think he's the stronger actor, actually, he has this wonderful wide-eyed way of looking at Kaburagi that temporarly creates the illusion that these two have chemistry. The roles I suspect are actually deceptively hard to do well, balancing complex emotions with slapstick comedy. I'm not an actor, but I imagine that's something that requires a lot of experience to pull off well. But it does mean that the chemistry isn't really there, that Kaburagi's philosophical musings feel shallow instead of like insights into a moral crisis, and that Onoe's panic about falling in love doesn't ring true for me.

And oh my god that final sex scene in the car, there was no connection there, it felt like they were each in their own world, not like they were reacting to each other. Which I get, it probably feels much safer for the actors to approach it that way. But it's so obvious on screen. At least a JBL is willing to portray sexuality on screen, I guess? Next step is helping inexperienced actors get comfortable with it. (Eternal Yesterday and Utsukushii Kare were on a different level all together, production and direction wise, and the actors in Old Fashion Cupcake are such pros that they probably could have managed it on their own, though I imagine they had support. And thus concludes the list of JBL I've seen that have attempted more than dead fish kisses.)

The other problem is a mismatch of my expectations and what the show actually is. I keep wanting it to be more serious; it touches upon these complex issues—the sexual assault, ethics in journalism, Kaburagi's feelings about trading sexual favors for information—and then glancing right off of them. Whereas I keep hoping for them to dig in. But it seems very devoted to it's yaoi roots, particularly with a sexually aggressive seme and a blushing maiden uke, and not interested in going much deeper.

And since this is my space to vent, I just watched another show where a completely untrained person was miles better at tailing people and taking covert photos than than these two are. The shows are completely different in tone and budget, so perhaps it's not fair to compare, but it did make me laugh. (I don't want to spoil that show, though it's barely a spoiler, but it's this one for anyone curious.)

[lurkingshan]

Intergenerational Trauma Challenge - 10 Years Ticket

Hello friends, it is time again for me to go deep on another entry on the intergenerational family trauma challenge list. When I first suggested the idea of this challenge and asked a few folks what shows we might consider for it, @wen-kexing-apologist and @waitmyturtles both immediately shouted “10 Years Ticket!” I hadn’t seen it yet, but I trusted their judgment that it belonged on the list, and moved it near the top of my watch priorities. And phew lord, does it belong on this list. The drama explores intergenerational trauma extensively via a story of multiple families living in a small town community. 

So what is the deal with this drama? 10 Years Ticket is a Thai lakorn about four children and their families, all of whom are dear friends and neighbors, who are torn apart by the murder of one of their family members, by another of their family members. The two families whose blood ties were involved in the crime become bitter enemies, dragging the whole community into the fight, and crucially for this project, the adults push that trauma down onto their young children. As wka says, this show is about the harm that is done when a community breaks down rather than coming together in the wake of tragedy. 

Before I start digging into the trauma themes in this one, a note on my overall experience with the drama: I was extremely engaged even as my emotions about different aspects of the drama were mixed. The cast is fantastic and the drama is gorgeous, but the writing has some significant weak spots (some of which I suspect may be based in lakorn genre conventions, which I am admittedly not yet well-versed enough to parse). I wouldn't unreservedly recommend this to everyone, but depending on which aspects of the story you are most interested in, there’s a lot to get out of it. If you love a great mystery with excellent judgment about what information to withhold and when and where to place its reveals? Fairly strong with some minor missteps. If you are here for romance? Nah–there are romance subplots but they’re not particularly well-executed and they are pretty extraneous to the main narrative. If you want a gritty crime story with realistic villains and a satisfying conclusion? You will be laughing your ass off and not because the show wants you to. But if you’re here for the family stories and deep examination of a community in crisis? 10/10, absolutely recommend. (cc @chickenstrangers and @neuroticbookworm for my overall review—stop reading after this friends, spoilers ahead!) @dribs-and-drabbles also tagging you as a fellow 10YT enjoyer and one of the like five people on this website who may have an interest in reading a ridiculously long essay about it. :)

So, let’s get into it! 10YT is an ensemble show with many characters with endless complex connections, so I am going to do this breakdown family by family for your sanity and mine. Right off the top, some themes you’ll see running throughout that are particularly relevant to an Asian context: taboo, saving face, filial piety, devotion to the nuclear family unit, conditional parental love, community ostracization, and denial of queer identity. And some content warnings for discussion of: child abuse, physical violence, gun violence, Alzheimer’s disease, substance abuse, and drug trafficking. From this point forward, I am assuming anyone still reading has seen the show, because lord would all of this be impossible to explain to someone who hasn’t. Shoutout to turtles and wka for reviewing to make sure I didn’t miss anything major and helping me with the screenshots for this post, and a general heads up that this is long long.

Our Star-Crossed Lovers

Before digging into the family relationships, a word about our star-crossed lovers at the center of this tragedy, because it’s important to understand it as we get into the families. The drama really did take its sweet time with this reveal, but in the end we understood why this relationship was such a big damn dramatic secret—Luk is about five years older than Mai and already a teacher, and Mai is still a student. Their relationship is rooted in taboo, which is why they are sneaking around and likely why Luk carries so much guilt and shame that she makes the incredibly stupid and selfish decision to punish herself and tear apart their families by lying that she murdered Mai. There are other reasons given—namely, that she wanted to save face for Mai and his loved ones and prevent people from finding out he was a drug runner—but they don’t really hold up to any scrutiny. Luk told this lie to punish herself and didn’t really ever give a thought to how in doing so, she was punishing and harming everyone else, too, not to mention utterly failing to save face for her own family, whose lives are destroyed by her lie (apologies for not mincing words here, I have zero respect for Luk’s decision and one of my biggest criticisms of the drama is that it tries to paint this as a noble sacrifice and act of love and position her as some kind of voice of wisdom, which, *blows raspberry*).

The Siraphuchaya Family

So let’s begin with the family at the center of our plot and the heart of our story. Their relationships with each other are quite varied and the lines of generational trauma between them complex, so I’m breaking them down into subsections. The key people in this family unit are Santi, the patriarch; Sai, Phukao’s mother and Santi’s current wife; Mai, Santi’s first son; Phukao, Santi and Sai’s son; and the woman haunting them all, Mai’s mother Ranya. 

Mai and Phukao

The most wholesome relationship in this show by a mile, Mai and Phukao are half brothers who share a deep bond. They have different mothers and about a ten year age gap between them, which results in Mai taking on a role akin to a third parent and protector for Phukao in their abusive household. In turn, Phukao idolizes his brother and loves him unreservedly, and expresses sorrow and confusion about why their parents don’t seem to love Mai the same way they love him. Mai grows up in a household where his presence is clearly unwanted and resented, and Phukao grows up keenly aware that despite all the good he sees in Mai, others, including his parents, don’t feel the same way. And despite Phukao’s own experience of unconditional parental love, he bears witness to the conditional love his parents express for Mai and the violence that occurs whenever those conditions are not met.

Mai and Santi

Which brings me to Santi. From the beginning, we see that Santi treats his sons very differently. He is protective and loving toward Phukao, but antagonistic and quick to anger with Mai. We eventually come to understand that Santi is holding a burning resentment and hatred for Mai’s mother, Ranya, which manifests in his verbal, emotional, and physical abuse of their son. Santi is also a serious alcoholic and his substance abuse exacerbates the issue. 

Even from the first episode before Mai’s parentage was made clear, the signs were there that Mai’s family resents his presence. Mai sleeps on a mattress on the floor in a tiny room off the main floor hallway while his baby brother has a big bedroom with a giant bed on the second floor of the house. His parents never seemed happy to see him; he is nearly always greeted with suspicion, distrust, or at best, indifference. They hold him up to Phukao as an example of how he can be treated if he doesn’t behave—in one early scene, Santi explicitly tells Phukao that if he misbehaves he will have to start treating him like Mai. In gatherings with the neighbors, they talk proudly about Phukao but ignore Mai’s presence. And Santi nearly always finds a reason to discipline Mai with physical violence upon his return home, which makes it easy to understand why Mai was spending as much time away as possible and looking for ways out. 

We see Santi abusing Mai throughout the drama, often while Phukao and his mother Sai look on—Phukao in anguish, Sai in indifference (more about her soon). But the scene that best captures their dynamic and gets to the heart of the trauma that lays between them is in episode 7. Mai comes home from surreptitiously spending time with his mother, Santi sniffs out his secret, and the worst episode of abuse depicted in the show unfolds as Santi strings Mai up by a rope on a rafter in the garage and proceeds to beat him with a leather belt in full view of Sai, Phukao, and any onlooker that just happens to be passing by. Throughout the beating, Santi berates Mai for seeing his mother, insisting that she is evil and Mai needs to stay away from her. Watching it unfold, one gets the feeling that Santi is trying to literally beat any trace of Mai’s mother out of him.

What’s most interesting about this scene is the implication that Santi is deeply concerned for Mai’s welfare and genuinely trying to protect him from something, even as he himself is Mai’s greatest source of pain. Somewhere along the way, Santi’s emotions have become hopelessly tangled and warped to the point where this abuse “for Mai’s own good” is the only expression of love he can manage toward his eldest son. It’s horrific, it’s tragic, and it really makes you wonder what the hell happened between Santi and Mai’s mother to poison this father-son relationship so deeply.

The Ranya of it All

Ranya. What a character. What a piece of work. And yet somehow, what a deeply sympathetic portrayal of a woman forced into a life she didn’t want and rebelling against it to the point of cruelty. I did not like this woman, and yet I was unexpectedly moved by her story.

So what the hell happened between Ranya and Santi? They fell in love. They got married. And then Santi pressured her to have a child she didn’t want, because he was fixated on the idea of having a traditional nuclear family (for reasons the show never fully elucidated, but I extrapolate are related to some generational trauma he himself is carrying and a desire to be head of a new family to make up for whatever his childhood lacked). She went along with it despite knowing she did not want to be a mother because she was in love. And sure enough, once she had made it through the pregnancy and began her life as a mother, she was miserable. So she rejected motherhood and abandoned her family when Mai was only an infant, one of the greatest sins a woman can commit in any culture, and certainly in the Asian context where family values and collectivist mindset demands sacrifice for the good of the family unit over personal satisfaction. 

And Santi hated her for it. Hated her because he loved her and she left him. Hated her because she didn’t give him the dream vision he had of a beautiful family. Hated her because he still wanted her. And ultimately, transmitted his impotent rage and twisted love from her onto their son. She, in turn, hated Santi for not being happy with just the two of them, and for destroying their relationship by forcing her into motherhood. And while she doesn’t hate Mai, she certainly doesn’t love him or care for his well-being. 

When Ranya sails back into town many years after abandoning him, she is bitter and hardened and she sees Mai as a means to an end and an easy target. She appears to have similar substance abuse issues to Santi, and she is in deep debt. She needs money, Mai is desperate for parental love and affection, and she sees an opportunity to take advantage. And so she pushes Mai into working with one of the local drug running operations, tells him pretty lies about using the money he is making to buy them a house to live in together, manipulates him into further provoking Santi in her honor, and then skips town with all his money just as the shit hits the fan. It’s one of the last things Mai experiences before his death, a confirmation that neither his father nor his mother really loves him or wants to care for him, exponentially compounding his emotional devastation and leaving him utterly certain that no one will help him. After he is murdered in cold blood by the very people she pushed him to work for, she uses the opportunity to extort money from Luk’s family for years, only coming around when she needs cash. 

Phukao, Santi, and Sai

In the aftermath of Mai’s death, Phukao’s family as he knows it falls apart. He has lost his beloved brother under shocking circumstances, he has been torn apart from one of his best friends as his family bitterly feuds with hers, his father has descended even further into addiction and depression, his parents fight violently until they eventually split up and his father leaves the family home, and through it all he does not feel the unconditional support he expects from his friends and neighbors. Oh sure, they support him, but they also support Kongkwan and her family, a fact which eventually comes to enrage and embitter him. 

Because that’s not how this is supposed to work. If you’ve watched other Asian dramas, you are probably very familiar with the “bad seed” and community ostracization tropes, aka the belief that any blood relative of a person who has committed a heinous crime should be shunned and shamed by the collective community. According to that cultural norm, Luk’s family should be abandoned and ostracized by the community following her murder confession, and while that does happen to some extent, their circle of close friends and neighbors remain sympathetic to them, in particular caring for and protecting Kongkwan, everyone’s favorite fragile sweetheart. 

As Phukao grows and becomes more and more mired in despair and desperation and (justifiable) anger at the injustice of it all, the community begins to view him as difficult, backing away from him, dismissing his feelings, and demanding that he stop making them think about it. Some of his closest friends and loved ones essentially withdraw their explicit emotional support and care for him, and in some cases condemn him and respond to his emotional outbursts with violence. And remember, for the entirety of this story, Phukao is a child. Yet the adults around him seem afraid of his emotion and utterly incapable of extending to him the same level of empathy they easily give Kongkwan and even Luk, our supposed murderess. Feels kinda gendered, doesn’t it? I can’t help but think that Phukao is being punished largely for failing to maintain the stoic model of masculinity that is so often modeled in Asian cultures. 

And what are Santi and Sai doing while their son is emotionally falling apart? They are wrapped up in their own nonsense and sparing very little attention to his actual needs even as they try to control him and loudly proclaim their love for him. Santi is wallowing in his depression and isolation and drinking himself half to death, with noose imagery hovering around him so that we can’t miss how low he is driving himself. Though interestingly, he never turns to violence against Phukao to vent his feelings in the manner he did with Mai. Phukao is clearly a manifestation of the son and family Santi always dreamed of; he loves him in a much more pure way than he ever managed with Mai. And so while he can’t get his shit together to be a good dad to him, he is also not an abusive and terrifying figure to Phukao, to the point where Phukao becomes fixated on getting him to come home. Because for Phukao, despite every monstrous aspect of Santi he’s borne witness to, the only thing that will give him any comfort and feeling of security is having what remains of his family together and intact, as they are supposed to be.

While Phukao desperately tries to get his dad to come home, Sai is caught up in navel gazing over her regrets, as we come to learn that she had a great love before Santi. But Pin was a woman and Sai did not feel free to pursue their relationship, and so when she got pregnant she agreed to marry Santi and raise Mai, as well. But as we saw, she didn’t keep that commitment. Sai came into the marriage regretful and wistful over her lost love and her inability to pursue a life more aligned with her authentic queer self, and that manifested in both indifference to Mai and her husband’s violence toward him, and an unhealthy attachment to and pressure on Phukao to be “worth it.” Worth giving up the life she wanted, worth living with this man she clearly didn’t love, and worth never being with Pin. 

Mai eventually turned her own anger and self-loathing about her choices on Luk and Mai, trying to tear them apart when she learned of their relationship because if she didn’t get to keep her “taboo” love, why should they? When Phukao begins to figure some shit out, lets go of his anger, and starts developing feelings for Kongkwan, Sai freaks the fuck out and tries to repeat the pattern, which feels rooted in her need to keep Phukao under her control and devoted to her to give her life meaning. She finds his interest in Kongkwan threatening and attempts to stamp it out. Unlike Luk, though, Phukao is not having it. 

Kongkwan, Luk, Veena, and Somkiat

Over to the family on the other side of the tear in the fabric of this community. Luk, our star-crossed lover and faux murderer, is the eldest daughter of a seemingly pleasant family with no big stressors or clear markers of their own generational trauma. Veena and Kiat appear to have a decent marriage, stable financial status, and good relationships with their daughters, Kongkwan is thriving while Luk has finished college and become a teacher, and before Luk confesses to killing Mai, all seems well. There is a large age gap between Luk and Kongkwan that the show never explains—I expected to learn something deeper about their family, but we never really got there. As far as we know, they were a solid and functional family unit.

The intergenerational trauma for this family is instead depicted in the aftermath of Mai’s murder and Luk’s false confession. As I mentioned above, Luk’s choice to cover for Mai destroyed her family’s lives. They lost jobs, financial security, several homes, and many relationships, not least of which is the deep bond they once had with the Sirapuchaya family. And when a devastated Santi refuses to forgive Luk and hurls vitriol at her parents (justifiably IMO, what on earth were Kiat and Veena thinking showing up to Mai’s funeral to demand forgiveness for their daughter who had explained nothing), Kiat and Veena become angry and bitter and decide to hate him, and his child, right back.

This is of course a toxic dynamic, and Kongkwan and Phukao are the ones who suffer most for it. On the heels of losing her older sister, Kongkwan is also forced to give up her friendship with Phukao and told to hate him. Her parents start with small things like not inviting him to her birthday party (leaving poor baby Phukao out in the cold and all alone while his family falls apart) and eventually escalate to getting violent with him (both striking him in anger) and explicitly telling Kongkwan that Phukao is a bad person that she must avoid (ironically, giving him the “bad seed” treatment that Kongkwan should be receiving under cultural norms). Over time, Veena and Somkiat develop a seething hatred for Phukao that is actually quite visceral and difficult to comprehend; they seem to find him a symbol for all the unfairness they have endured and the easiest target for their rage and cannot get ahold of themselves enough to temper their reactions to him. 

Kongkwan, a gentle soul, is torn between being a filial and obedient child and going along with an attitude and treatment toward Phukao that she knows is wrong, and it is plainly tearing her apart. Throughout the story, she is emotionally overwhelmed, swinging between deep sadness and bursts of defiant anger, and she often looks like she is one more provocation away from shattering. And as the community tears itself apart around her, Kongkwan is also mired in anguish and confusion about her sister’s choices. As Kongkwan mentions at one point late in our story, no one, including her parents, has ever bothered to question whether Luk actually committed this murder, but she has never believed the lie. She knows her sister well enough, or perhaps is just too gentle a person, to imagine that Luk could have actually done that to Mai. 

And it’s important not to lose in all of this that Kongkwan loved Mai, too. His death was a loss for her as well as for Phukao, and no one really tended to her grief in the aftermath, which clearly runs deep based on the way she clings to objects that remind her of him (the film strip necklace, the Brother Uncle doll). She is just as broken by all of this as Phukao, they just express it very differently.

And before our story ends, Kongkwan will endure yet another devastating loss, when Veena is killed by the drug runners for witnessing their crimes and collaboration with dirty cops. This is compounded by the fact that Veena and Kongkwan’s relationship is in tatters when Veena is killed. Veena has just struck her in anger after Kongkwan demanded an explanation for why her parents were ripping her away from her friends and fought back when they once again tried to force her to carry their hatred for Phukao (her first real stand against her parents after being a dutiful and filial daughter through all their years of bullshit). Kongkwan takes off for the night with her friends to say goodbye before she is forced to leave, and in that short delay her mother is killed—another trauma that Kongkwan will have to bear forever. 

This family is an utter tragedy, to go from stable and loving to this, and all because of their own bad choices. Veena and Somkiat both utterly collapsed under the weight of Luk’s choices and their fallout, compounding them exponentially with their own inability to regulate themselves, and pushed all their trauma down onto Kongkwan, who must now do the hard work of living on amidst the destruction her family has wrought. 

Plu, Pum, and Yo

Phew, let’s take a break and look at this smiling family, shall we? I can’t believe I have already written this many words with nary a mention of my beloved best boy Plu, but that should tell you how much is going on in this show! While Plu gets caught up in the traumatic events that are deeply affecting his best friends and has some of his own family problems to deal with, he is not suffering from intergenerational trauma to the same degree as Phukao and Kongkwan. Plu lost his parents at a very young age (we do not find out the specifics of how), but is raised with attention and care by his wonderful grandparents who clearly love him dearly. He spends his childhood with close neighbors and friends and shares a deep bond with and protective instincts for his slightly younger friends Phukao, Kongkwan, and Lookzo.

So how is all this community trauma affecting Plu? He is a classic people pleaser and caretaker who just wants everyone to be okay. He also wants to support all parties in this situation without taking sides or hurting anyone’s feelings, which is of course impossible, but I do love him for trying. He took it upon himself to care for Phukao and be the big brother he needed in the aftermath of Mai’s death, but he always maintained his friendship with Kongkwan, as well, a fact that Phukao finds hard to accept. Plu is torn between his love for Phukao and Kongkwan, which becomes extra complicated when they get older and he develops (ill-advised and doomed) romantic feelings for Kongkwan that cloud his judgment and create a rift with Phukao. He is yet another person who hits Phukao without real justification, but unlike the adults he at least has the grace to feel ashamed (can you tell I am in my feelings about this??).

As all of this is unfolding, he is also dealing with his own family struggles, as Pom develops Alzheimer’s disease and her medical needs take a financial toll on the family, leading Plu to become involved with the same drug running crew that killed Mai, because apparently a legal job wouldn’t cut it to pay for Grandma’s prescriptions. (I should also mention here that via Plu’s involvement with the drug running crews we get a glimpse into some intergenerational trauma being passed down in those families, as the heads of each organization force a very hard life onto their children, but we’re not going to get into that because I have to stop somewhere or I’ll be writing this post from my grave). 

In any event, Yo can clearly see that his grandson is lying and doing something dangerous to bring home money, but he doesn’t stop him, presumably because they desperately need it. And Pom’s deteriorating memory and mental health take a real toll on both Plu and Yo, who just have sorrow wafting off them in waves in every scene where she doesn’t recognize them. This is a family in struggle together, not causing struggle for each other, unlike Phukao and Kongkwan’s situations.  

Lookzo and Oh

This section is going to be short because Zo and Oh have never done anything wrong in their lives and I know this. They are a perfect little father/daughter duo with an easy relationship, despite some sadness they must have endured around whatever happened to Zo’s mother (the show never gives us this information). Oh is a single father doing his best and he supports Zo through all her milestones and moods, creating a safe home where she can be herself and express her feelings to him without fear. He is also a sweetheart to her friends and welcoming to both Kongkwan and Phukao while maintaining his own friendships and acting as a mediator between their parents. 

Zo’s main worries throughout the drama are twofold: she has a crush on an utterly clueless Plu (despite his silly little hats), and she is similarly torn between her love for Kongkwan and Phukao and resentful of all the adults around them trying to destroy their bonds with each other. She is honest and forthright and though she sometimes runs off at the mouth in ill-advised ways, she always owns it and if she was wrong she will immediately admit it and apologize. In one of my favorite scenes of the entire drama, she lights into Kiat and Santi for tearing the community apart and destroying her friends, and then collapses on Oh to sob about how exhausted she is by all this bullshit and how she just wants to live her life with her friends in peace. She is all of us, easily the most relatable character in this show, and I love her. 

The Core Four

So after that exhaustive summation of all the trauma they are enduring throughout our story, I turn to the final question on all of our minds: are these babies going to be okay? I think the answer is a bit of a mixed bag with a tilt toward hope. 

Throughout the drama, I kept wanting these kids to just get in the car, drive far away from their parents, and never come back. But this is an Asian drama and filial piety reigns supreme, so of course they were never going to abandon their parents. And if they can’t be free, at least Phukao and Kongkwan found some measure of peace in the end. Kongkwan still has her father and a newly released Luk to cling to in the aftermath of Veena’s murder and they seem committed to being better to each other and finally letting go of all the bitterness now that Luk has come clean about what really happened (I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that Kiat explicitly says he is grateful for Veena’s death because it gives him the opportunity to be a better dad, a fridging for the ages!). Phukao has made his peace with his parents’ split and given Sai his blessing to pursue her best lesbian life, and Santi has done a (wildly unrealistic IMO) heel turn upon learning Luk did not kill Mai, let go of all of his anger, and pledged to do better as Phukao’s father. These families will never be free of the decade of trauma they all endured and the scars it left on them, but they can at least finally move forward from it. 

And of course, our core four kiddos stuck together and refused to let the adults succeed in destroying their relationships, though it was certainly a near thing. Even if things get better from here on out, they must live with the pain of all that they endured, and Phukao and Kongkwan in particular have suffered losses they will likely never fully recover from. It isn’t lost on me either that these traumatic events all occurred in the most formative years of their lives, when your experiences shape who you will become. They will carry these traumas through their lives and likely pass them down to the next generation, even if they manage to mitigate the damage better than their own parents did. If nothing else, we can say that at least if their bonds with each other are tattered, torn, and bruised, they are still intact. In the end, despite incredible pressure, ample doubt, and deep turmoil, they chose each other, and they will continue to care for each other through whatever life throws at them next. 

[dimpledpran]

2022 brought a lot of incredible moments. But it did give almost an equal amount of highs and lows. So glad that it is over, and here’s to hoping that 2023 brings nothing but the best. Thank you to everyone who has made this past year more bearable for me. Whether you are someone I’ve talked to on here, made content that I enjoyed seeing on my dash, or reblogged stuff from me with wonderful commentary, thank you for making my time on this godforsaken beloved website more fun!

Since life has been getting busy, it has been harder to keep track of content and I am sure I have missed so many creations lately. And so, I am also jumping on the bandwagon to have a tracking tag. I will be tracking #lightmiup (light me up). It is kinda a play on my name, and with the meaning since my name means light. So feel free to use that to tag me in your creations.

Will reblog: ~ Asian media (series and movies). Mostly BLs, but not entirely limited to that. ~Preferably stuff that I have watched, but I am also open to more recs ~ Asian artists (mostly CQL cast, Ohm, Nanon, Jeff Satur, Indian personalities) ~ Countries: Thailand, India, China, South Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Singapore

Will not reblog: ~ reposts, whitewashed content, brownfaced content, discourse

With that, I am also going to take a month off from Tumblr. Shall spend January introspecting and planning out my goals for the year. My blog will be going down memory lane, and will run on queue with my fave posts from 2022, and if I get tagged in stuff. Though I might pop in a few times with some 10YT sets if the feels get a bit too much.

Here are my top 10 series/movies I watched in 2022 (starts from tomorrow) and Fave Creations (MDZS/CQL Faves , Bad Buddy Faves, Other Faves) in the mean time.

Wishing everyone a wonderful 2023 filled with lots of love, joy, peace, positivity, success and good health! 💙

Take care and see yall around! Mimi :)

Tagging a few people to spread the word : @aheartfullofjolllly​ @carloslouwho​ @eohachu @fangrui @gege​ @highwarlockkareena @i-got-the-feels @isvisomewhere @kaajukatli @lan-xichens @liyazaki @machikeita @manhasetardis @nanons @nongnaos @nyx4 @oswlld @phukaoapologist​ @rinielle @talays-portkey @seawherethesunsets @yibo-wang​ @yilinglaozu

[namtanlovesfilm]

Which Off role do you think I should watch I have only ever seen his BL work plus his work in Midnight Motel which I loved but I do want to expand my viewing experience of him is there a must watch role of his that you think I should check out? I don't really mind on the genre

so I have made many posts on this, here's me ranking every off role, and here's me recommending my fave offgun straight roles, but I'll make a summary for you :)

GIRL NEXT ROOM: RICHY RICH

light & fun but with great commentary on growing out of generational poverty. krathing & duchess are absolutely one of off's best ships ever with their chemistry & banter, and krathing in general utilizes perfectly off's ability of making the greatest facial expressions ever & being a cutie <3

FABULOUS 30

sadly that show was deleted off of youtube bc gmmtv sucks but it's on dramacool :( the first show to contain both off & mond, but with all due respect off absolutely carried the show. not only is zen an absolute BICON, but his ship with yui was so beautiful & touched on insecurity and intimacy in a very beautiful way imo. definitely one of off's best roles!

I'M TEE ME TOO

I mean, a show with offguntay?? how could it not be adorable! no shade but off definitely carried the show too, maetee is a cross-dressing icon with mommy issues who really shined & stole my heart. that role also puts off's screaming skills to the test LMAO

WOLF

off jumpol going abroad & flirting with all the women?? yup, it happened! this is basically khai from tol if he stayed an asshole lol. this is the first straight role from off I ever watched & I love por so much bc his facial expressions, especially with glasses, are literally the cutest ever! moreover, even though the show wasn't executed the best, the concept is very daring & interesting for the time and it didn't deserve to flop like it did at all. I honestly would recommend it :)

10 YEARS TICKET

so I'm gonna be honest, the more time passes since 10yt the more I realize it wasn't that incredible of a show, even though it's definitely a good show still. and off in it was amazing even though he was pretty withdrawn, but both of his storylines, one involving the mafia & the other involving his grandma with dementia which is a topic that touched me particularly, were amazing, and off did such a good job.

46 DAYS

I legit think 46 days is the funnest romcom ever produced in thailand. it's such a fun, over the top show, with still very great moments. I loved the female friendship in it, I loved that the "perfect" male lead is shown to be more than that, and I absolutely loved the side ship with off & mild (again). pat is probably the most tame & mentally stable off character lol, but he's still very fun & a cutie to watch, especially with mild who's character noina is not too dissimilar from duchess in girl next room. the offmild pairing is just always a pleasure to watch & this whole show is just very fun & lovely :)

xxx

[waitmyturtles]

Coupla little updates!

1) I got kinda spun this weekend with Bed Friend and The End of the World, With You both depicting physical and psychological family violence, so what did I do? I added another drama that had family violence to start, unfortunately, but I hope it’s not a repeating trope -- I can’t help myself but to watch 10 Years Ticket, since I finished Bad Buddy and am now squarely in a Nanon/Ohm rabbithole (although I don’t see this rabbithole lasting TOO long, since they’re both so young and I don’t need to watch their dramas when they were in their teens). Anyway, this’ll be my first real Thai lakorn, so we’ll see how I do with it.

2) And speaking of being in the rabbithole of the Buddies -- tomorrow is the day I drop my little thesis on Bad Buddy. I haven’t worked so long on anything written like this in a WHILE, but I’m so thankful that that amazing show gave me so much to work with.

3) I’m seeing some AWESOME gifs of The Warp Effect, and I’m kind of regretting not watching it earlier! I might try to pick it up once I’ve watched 10YT and Keishicho Outsider (which I am DETERMINED to finish, even though it’s like comedy/yakuza/NCIS fodder, but Nishijima Hidetoshi is SO HILARIOUS in it, and I got totally waylaid by finishing all the short QLs earlier this season). Also, I vote for Mark Pakin in everything.

Too many shows! Too. many. shows. But I am looking forward to adding Dark Blue Kiss to my essential BL list once I’m done with 10YT and KO. I gotta keep my head straight!

[puppy-phum]

✨the tag game✨

thank you so much for tagging me @leonpob​ ♥ a perfect way to avoid my responsibilities haha

THREE SHIPS 🚢 i have a whole army of ships but the current ones i feel strongly about are puentalay, waikorn (waitalay????), and waantul. i place more importance on ships when they wake up my writer mind and insist on me writing them, so i also have a huge group of pairings i enjoy just seeing around (current fave trio would probably be palmnuengdiao, chopperben, and jimwen)

FIRST SHIP 🚢 my first bl ship - that i could consider a proper ship on my own standards - was probably kornknock from together with me. the first non-canon ship from any media ever was most likely either dom/brian from fast & furious or maybe luka/yuki from the manga series betrayal knows my name (uragiri boku no namae wa shitteiru) - who i guess can be considered canon tho, at least in the manga? the anime series didn’t get that far. (it was one of the first animes i ever watched and is still very dear to me)

LAST SONG 🎧 am currently listening to music on shuffle from the playlist that just contains everything i’ve liked from 2016 onwards so am just going to mention the song i most recently put on my current obsessions playlist which is:

Catch - Epik High ft Hwa Sa (from their new ep Strawberry)

LAST MOVIE 🍿 also the BTS Yet To Come in Cinemas ♥ it was a blast! 

CURRENTLY READING 📖 mostly fics but i also have matt haig’s the comfort book to read. was planning on taking myself on a date on valentine’s day and go to a nice café to eat something sweet and to read some of that ♥ am hoping it won’t make me cry in public tho

CURRENTLY WATCHING 👀 the list has recently grown shorter with the shows that finished airing (Between Us, 10YT, the other Midnight Series shows) but it’s still long! am currently following these dramas as the new episodes air:

Moonlight Chicken Never Let Me Go GAP The Series (am one ep behind tho) HIStory 5: Love in the Future A League of Nobleman

and otherwise am watching The Blood of Youth rn. am probably finishing that this weekend... and then am hopefully starting My School President and either Who Rules The World or When We Meet (both cdramas). 

CURRENTLY CONSUMING 👄 the blood of youth episodes and chocolate. it is always chocolate. that is my only comfort while i try surviving work and studies lol 

CURRENTLY CRAVING 🫦 instead of any food - bc i ate just now - i’d say a holiday trip to thailand. i’ve been to thailand before but not to that many places there and it would be nice to travel more around the country. i’d also love to appreciate the culture better now that i’m an adult and not only focusing on playing at the pool lol. and i would, of course, also love to go see my boys there haha 

ONWARD TAGS 🏷️ sending this to these wonderful ppl: @i-am-just-a-kiddo @wanderlust-in-my-soul @seanwhites @dimpledpran @stormyoceans @ardentlytess @nongnaos @thanawins @pannakorn @liyazaki ♥ i hope you’re all having an amazing weekend!

[yourstormthlaylirahh]

My thoughts on every new GMMTV trailer:

Enigma: cautiously hopeful. It looks very interesting and intense, and I think I will be able to handle the amount of horror in it though it is a genre I am nervous about because I scare easily. I'm just not a fan of student teacher romances, but I'll withhold judgement till after I see it (judging whether I like it. Not judging you if it's a trope you like, whatever floats your boat).

A Boss and a Babe: it looks silly and ridiculous and fun. I genuinely didn't think Forcebook would get another chance to star together and I'm so so happy they did, I love how they play off each other. Oddly I am fine watching boss employee relationships even though the student teacher ones make me uneasy.

Find Yourself: on the fence about this one, though I'll give it a try for Non and Earth. The tropes they are leaning into for comedy in the trailer aren't my favourite and I'm not a fan of them seeming to play drunken sex for laughs, but when the trailers tone shifted to be a more serious examination of age gaps I became intrigued. I'm just not sure I trust how this show will handle that subject in all its complexity.

Double Savage: very excited to have Ohm playing a darker character (I know we still have 10YT this year too). I think he will absolutely kill this role, I love his acting and think he is superb. I also think Film is fantastic and I'm excited to see her too. Looks like lots of lakorn crime type tropes, so that should be fun.

Hidden Agenda: I'm unsure about this one because while I like both Joong and Dunk well enough I wasn't enamoured with eithers' acting in Star and Sky, and they had the most disappointing kiss my god. This looks like the plot is more interesting at least than Star in my Mind, and I love a lot of the side cast. I'm hoping they just felt awkward acting together at first, and they will seem less stilted in this. I'm pretty 50/50 on whether I've liked the director's previous work so this could go either way.

23.5: I'm so so excited for this, it's happening guys!!!! MilkLove GL let's go sapphics let's go! I need this to do well and hopefully herald more long-form GLs. I adore both actresses and love them together as well. I'm expecting very 2015 BL vibes and fluff, and honestly not expecting more than a peck of a kiss (if I'm wrong feel free to point at this post and laugh at me I honestly would love to be wrong), but luckily I adore fluff and softness so I'm going to enjoy it anyways. The yearning! The sweetness! I'm over the moon

Phro Thoe Khue Rak Raek: I think I would be interested if this was just a movie but I'm not sure I have the attention span for a full drama about reminiscing and reconnecting with am old love. I'll probably skip this one unless something really catches my attention. Neo was really cute in this trailer though.

Cooking Crush: I am giddy about this one. I felt so sad Off thought him and Gun couldn't get roles together anymore because of their ages, and then here they are and the trailer looks really funny and cute! I'm also really excited they seem to have reversed their dynamic and Gun is playing the more asshole one, he definitely has the acting range and hopefully this means if OffGun continue going forward they will get to change their dynamic a bit more.

Wednesday Club: I'm not that interested. Honestly don't have much to say about the trailer, beyond Piploy and Jane look so so good! Please I'm already gay etc etc

Last Twilight: I'm definitely the most excited for this one! The plot looks interesting, JimmySea were excellent together in VV, and it's P'Aof who I trust implicitly. It is bringing me back to Want to See You (vdrama), which I overall enjoyed but I need this one to be less of a soap opera, I couldn't handle that twice. Also loved the music in the trailer. Also Jum ❤️ I also think Jimmy will be fun to watch playing the bad boy role, and he is super adorable which is a huge bonus. I'm not knowledgeable enough about adult onset blindness to really judge that aspect of the show.

Loneliness Society: While You Were Sleeping let's gooooo! My third most anticipated, I'm so excited for this! Morally grey and complex lead? With relatable issues around age and loneliness? Sign me up! This looks phenomenal. And I screamed when I saw Jan, I love her so much ❤️ though I am disappointed she got no main roles this year (side note Thailand is doing cherry magic what?????).

Only Friends: holy shit!!!! Second most anticipated and only trailer I've rewatched multiple times because there's so much going on! It's going to be messy as fuck and I'm going to eat up every minute! Can't believe we get Forcebook a second time next year, and KhaoFirst as well. The song they play at the end is fire 🔥 P'Jojo directing AND the cast is stacked!? Book Force Khao Neo Jennie First Mark and Piploy! I'm stoked

Faceless Love: eh. Dew's character really pisses me off, and while I have warmed up to rich asshole business owner types in the past (Poongduck, Business Proposal) my real life dislike of those types of people make it one of my least favourite archetypes and I'm not convinced I'm going to watch. I'm curious to see the reactions of people with face blindness to this as well.

Dangerous Romance: oh this look fantastic! I love this type of messy, high angst enemies to lovers. This is going to be so much fun, and I really liked what the director did with Love Mechanics so I have really high hopes. Plus Chimon is one of my favourite actors, and I would already die for Sailom - he's such a mouthy little sass master.

The Jungle: don't really understand what's happening because there are no subs, though it looks like a spiritual successor to PS I Hate You. Big cast, big drama. I'll watch it no matter what because it's one of my girl Mild's only roles next year and Lookjun's only role. Big downside is having to put up with watching Krusty.

Midnight Museum: not much plot was revealed in this trailer, however the creepy fantasy vibes are immaculate and I'm excited for this. I'm very curious about Gun's character's cryptic past, and hope it's suitably angsty so he can flex his acting, because he is phenomenal! Also Ploy ❤️

Our Skyy 2: oh my god! Special episodes for The Eclipse, Bad Buddy AND A Tale of Thousand Stars? Especially when we had all basically given up on an ATOTS special?!?!? Couldn't be more excited! I'm excited for everyone really (other than another Star in my Mind special lmao please let it fade into obscurity). If Never Let Me Go is as good as I anticipate (and I trust P'Jojo with my life) it will be great to see their characters again as well. My only disappointment is Forcebook is not reprising AkkTheo :( As one of the handful of people who really enjoyed Enchante I just want my Enchante special goddammit!

Beauty Newbie: I really don't think I trust how a plot about someone who's had plastic surgery and is now gorgoeus (let's be real Baifern is fucking ethereal) is going to handle issues like beauty standards. 😬 As someone who definitely falls outside the line of 'acceptable' look wise due to acne, weight, etc I'm not feeling this plot. The only reason I'm torn is my love of Baifern, so we will see if my love for her is enough to give this a try. And maybe I'm wrong and the plot will be amazing and profound, but I have serious reservations.

The Interest: eh. Whatever.

All in all I'm really looking forward to this lineup and think it will be a fantastic year. The ones I'm not liking based on the trailer I'm realllllllly not liking but I can just drop them of not watch.

Side notes: I was really worried Home School had been cancelled, it was one I was really looking forward to and I'm relieved it was only pushed back.

Also does anyone know what Miss Gigie is up to? She doesn't seem to be in anything upcoming other than Warp Effect and I miss her :(

[itsays]

PHEW! anyways feel soooooo shitty after that movie i cant candle 10yt tonight... let me go watch my school president, i honestly doubt it’s good like you guys say (you also say never let me go is good) but whatever i cant handle emotionally chared stuff any longer i need a break

[dribs-and-drabbles]

Yay! Thank you so much @smolbird 💖

Tagging the very few peeps in the 10yt fandom who might also appreciate this: @baifengxis @maybeitdontmakesense @talays-portkey @baekonfire @markpakin @bluebunnyvk @lost-my-sanity1 (sorry if I missed anyone...but also, WATCH THIS SHOW if you haven't already)

Hi! I'm back with another Thai language question 👉🏽👈🏽 At the end of 10 Years Ticket, the very last voiceover hasn't been translated. It's probably not anything super important in the resolution of the story, maybe just a reflection on what happened, but if you have the time and wouldn't mind, could you tell me what is being said? Thank you! (ep 16 4/4 from about 18:35) 💖

from 18.38 to 19.33

Regardless of whether they will sit and watch the movie in the next ten years and who is left to sit and watch movies with them and screen movies for them to watch, at least today they have this moment. The moment that, when I saw, I also wanted to go down and sit with them. No matter what happens in the future, today they are my love movies—not the last love movies(<--"last/previous/past love movies" said here is the same as the series' name in Thai.) or the new love movies, but the movies that I will love forever.

That's about it.🙂

[namtanlovesfilm]

omg I saw your post about the jungle and I have to rant because I’m so conflicted! On the one hand it has some of my favs in it and so I want to adore it, but on the other hand the whole thing is just MESSY. And from what I’ve heard of the source material, they’ve stuck to it super closely including dedicating a chapter/episode to each character and I think it’s that (plus the really underwhelming production values) that’s bothering me the most. As far as I’m aware there’s no overarching storyline and so it comes across as a series of short stories set in the same place. I also do recognise though that the actor schedules were also apparently really difficult to work around, and that’s probably affected the series in regards to scenes with the full or most of the cast.

Having said all that, I’ve definitely seen A LOT worse from gmmtv even in recent years and I keep reminding myself that at least it’s messy in a fun, sexy way rather than completely bland (apart from leemook which broke my heart because I was looking forward to seeing them together again). For example if I go by series this year, UMG looked beautiful and was acted well but was horrifically boring, double savage almost tried to market itself as a pseudo bl with perth and ohm and was tedious to get through, I couldn’t get past the first episode of loneliness society and I wasn’t enamoured with 10yt except for view and off. And that’s not me even touching on some of the underwhelming bls.

Also I am trying to keep the faith and have hope because I feel there’s been a drastic improvement from episode 1 to episode 6 and that scene with the twins fighting each other in the parking lot in particular was so good and such an amazing performance from Nanon who apparently worked for 6 hours shooting it and I commend him going so hard for something as unserious as this

okay so first of all I agree with mostly everything you said in this post! I didn't even know the show was adapted from an original material, now the one episode per character makes much more sense! but yeah the lack of overarching material IS an issue, but on top of that the writing is so bad?? from the shows you've mentioned I've only seen 10yt & loneliness society, which I both liked enough & personally I think the writing for these shows is MILES better than for the jungle. I agree that ep 6 was the best episode so far, and it's down to nanon's AMAZING performance & also his great chemistry with mild, but all of that could not cover how SHIT the writing was this ep. nithan is DISAPPOINTED that naannam does a no show to her engagement ceremony EVEN THOUGH she now believes him to be a cheater and a MURDERER??? then he shows up & SHE'S HAPPY???? then the real naannam arrives & professes his love without clearing the air once & telling her the truth AND SHE STILL ACCEPTS TO BE WITH HIM?????? the twins make up OUT OF NOWHERE??? and say they love each other OUT OF NOWHERE???? in fact, I was so confused as to which twin was who until I watched this latest ep, and believe we shouldn't have known of naanfah existence at all until the reveal to punpun's character so WE'D BE SHOCKED TOO!!! yes that would've been a cliche plot twist, but at least there would have BEEN a plot twist! I just cannot, tbh. it's giving the three gentlebros level of writing but with even less screen time & I actually liked t3gb bc it was a silly surface level romcom whereas this does not want to be one but most absolutely is. the dichotomy is killing me I fucking hate it here 😭

xxx

[airenyah]

i completely understand the ohm obsession and i cannot thank you enough for all your insights on acting (his and also in general) too! i LOVE reading what you have to say and learning from you at the same time! watching series (i also just watched the latest 10yt ep) feels like an even more involved experience now because i can actively analyse the acting (i keep coming back to your post to see how ohm does such and such) too! thank you x1000000 and please know that i am consensually kissing your ginormous brain <3

anon, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you so much for your lovely message, it delights me greatly!!!!!!!!!! I read your ask earlier and I was sitting in my bed at the time and once I’d finished reading I kind of just fell forward, burying my head into my blanket and squealing like a little child for like a minute, that’s how happy your words made me 💕

I’m so glad to hear that I managed to explain things clearly enough that others (in this case you specifically) can get something out of it!! honestly, I’ve been so shy when it comes to talking about acting here on tumblr because I feel like I can’t express what I mean very well. And the problem is what I’ve mentioned so far really is just a quick overview, there are many concepts I definitely forgot about (obviously I don’t have a list in my head, I just notice things as I’m watching) and those that I did talk about, well, I really didn’t go into a lot of detail there, it was more of a quick summary (there is SO. MUCH. You really can’t sum up 3 years of drama school into one single tumblr post hahaha)

and also, unfortunately I can’t just go and analyze a clip second by second while you listen. I mean okay yeah, in some cases and for some specific concepts gifs will do the trick (like in my bbs ep 3 sniffing scene analysis) but with a lot of things it’s just easier when you have the entire clip with sound and all, where you can also jump back and forth and then maybe go find another example for comparison to make things a little clearer

because often a performing concept or performing technique will be easier to understand when you’ve seen someone do it “wrong”. I’m saying “wrong” here in quotation marks because I’m only putting it that way for the sake of simplicity. There isn’t really a right or wrong here, it’s usually much more about “if you perform it this way then you’ll likely have this effect on the audience, if you perform it that way then you’ll likely have that effect on the audience. Which one do you wanna achieve as an actor?” Though, one can definitely say that performing a certain way will touch the audience more or they will have an easier time following the story and the emotions compared to performing it a different way. Again, it’s a lot like food: put sugar in one recipe and it’ll taste amazing and people can’t stop eating, put sugar in another and people will refuse to eat it because it tastes so bad to them, put sugar in yet another recipe and it might be perfectly edible but would probably be a whole lot more enjoyable without the sugar

what I mean by that is: it might come to situations where I’ll be like “this actor has this aggressive undertone 90% of the time and we’re half-way through the drama and it’s starting to annoy me and make me dislike the character and the relationship” or “this actor has no thoughts behind their actions and so watching them just bores me” (yes these are real-life opinions that I’ve recently had. No I will not be revealing said dramas publicly, but if anyone reading this is curious then feel free to come into my dms and I might spill the tea)

comparing various scenes of an actors using a technique well with actors using that technique not so well really helps with learning how to analyze acting because you’ll see the different effects it’ll have on you as a viewer when someone uses a technique well vs someone who’s bad at it

I do have some “bad” examples that I could tell you about and fun fact: that even includes แค่เพื่อนครับเพื่อน BAD BUDDY SERIES (my most beloved <3). but as I’ve said before, I just don’t feel comfortable sharing the negativity publicly, because I don’t wanna hurt anyone’s feelings. And I don’t like getting into arguments, especially public ones, so I don’t want to get any stupid comments on my posts or in my ask box. However, if you’re curious my dearest anon, you’re very welcome to come right into my dms for some deeper discussion on that. And you don’t have to be nervous about revealing your identity, because sharing my observations with you in even more detail would definitely bring me great joy💕 (this goes for anyone reading this, btw, feel free to slide into my dms fsjksd)

in fact, I wish I could do this one acting analysis project with you that I did with my friend!! quick backstory: back in november 2021 I watched this old korean drama and I ended up getting super obsessed with it because I realized there were remakes from other countries which I then also ended up watching and comparing all these version was a suuuuper eye opening experience for me when it comes to “well used technique” vs “badly used technique” (I learned A LOT from this when in regard to acting) And then half-way through the semester something came up in the uni course my friend and I attend together and I ended up mentioning some acting concept and realized that said kdrama & remakes were a perfect example of that and I wanted to show her

And this turned into this month long project throughout november 2022, in which I selected a sequence that had the exact same plot and context in both versions and I showed them to her in several rounds and let her do the analyzing first without me telling her a thing. So the first time around she got absolutely zero info from me, she knew absolutely nothing about the plot, or the characters or anything. I turned off the subtitles as well as the sound and let take a look at ONLY the visuals. For the 2nd round the only thing she got in addition was the sound but I still didn’t tell her anything about the plot or the characters. In the 3rd round I finally told her about the plot and had her watch everything with the context in mind. And only in the final round did I turn on the subtitles. After every round we spent at least an hour discussing everything that she saw or noticed or how she felt watching it but I didn’t tell her any of my own thoughts. I wanted her to make up her own mind first and discover things for herself. It was a quite interesting project, both for me and for her! And yeah, I wish I could do this with you because I’m sure it would be eye-opening for you! (you don’t happen to live in austria, do you? 😂 well, maybe we could figure out a remote solution with screensharing or something...)

also thank you for calling my brain ginormous 🥰 i'll accept the compliment, but let me tell you, it really isn't that big yet!! i wish you could hear what my fave monologue teacher and my camera acting teacher always had to say in class!!! and also, you should really hear what my mom has to say on performing, i feel like such a baby next to her. seriously, the THINGS she SEES?????

story time (sorry i know this is super long already): we were watching the eclipse together, right, and at some point after weeks, towards the end of the series when akkayan start dating, we were just watching this episode, right? and suddenly my mom goes: *pointing at khaotung* "he seems tense, his inner balance seems off"

and i'm just sitting there like "???????? what are you talking about???? they're literally just lying down in bed, HOW can you tell???????"

she tried to explain it to me but i was just left super confused. i think it was an episode later (or maybe the same episode but some scenes later?? i don't remember) there was another scene where they were standing upright and my mom hit pause and went "here, do you see how [insert explanation]" and i was like "oh. okay yeah. yeah that makes sense. i think i know what you mean". and then during the finale (i think?) there was another moment where i even noticed something before my mom said it and then she pointed it out and i was like "yeah i caught that too!!!!"

i also showed her the only friends trailer and there's this one shot where khaotung is sitting on the bed with book, right? and my mom paused the video and went "huh? that's funny. half of his body looks tense while the other half looks completely relaxed" (half meaning left/right, not upper half and lower half). again i was just sitting there like "HOW?????? HOW DO YOU EVEN SEE THIS?????"

(admittedly, my mother works in the medical field and she's close to finishing a 2(?) year training program as a massage therapist, so i guess she'd know about tense bodies from having first hand experience hahaha)

well, i'll stop it here bc i'm sure this is already over 1000 words long again oops. if you've made it all the way down here, then i really appreciated that and give you forehead kiss (if you like that, of course. if not then i'll give you a hug or a highfive or a wave or whatever else you're comfortable with). then again, you've also read my 3.7k analysis on ohm's acting so…

[gillianthecat]

Thank you! I don't have any specific questions or responses right now, but I will be thinking about all this while watching actors from now on. (And no worries, I wasn't asking about that particular show, just about the general question of acting and actors' faces.)

I'm adding in your tags, if you don't mind, because as usual you have so much good stuff in there too:

#also i know i talked about ohm a lot in this post but that's mainly bc he's currently fresh on my mind with 10 years ticket airing rn #and also there's a year's worth of bbs brainrot in my brain #i have watched the entirety of bbs like 19x now and i've had a Lot of thoughts™ #(although this is still nothing compared to the 27 times i've watched the khaithird parts in tol in the past 2 years <3) #(although my thoughts watching tol have always revolved less around the acting and more around my own irl situation and my irl khai) #anyway another thing i want to point out is that all of this that i said about acting is also very relative #you have to go on a case-by-case basis #a scene-by-scene basis sometimes even moment-by-moment basis #something that works in one scene or one moment might not work in another moment #sometimes it can even be GOOD if a character doesn't show too many reactions on their face! #again it all depends a lot on the story and the character #again take ohm pawat as an example #i have to go and rewatch all of 10 years ticket again and really pay attention to what i'm about to say before i can confirm with certainty #but it seems to me as if ohm is waaaay more expressive with his face as pat than he is as phukao #which does fit the characters #judging whether someone's acting is good is often just about #''ok so there are all these concepts. so HOW does the actor use them exactly? what do they do with them?'' #and then seeing whether what they're doing is in accordance with the plot #it's really a lot like cooking: you have all the ingredients and how the outcome will be depends on how you actually use these ingredients #what works for one recipe might not work for the other and a recipe that one person likes might be hated by someone else #sometimes the outcome is totally passable and will totally satisfy your hunger #but an experienced cook might know exactly what to do in order to make the passable meal taste so much better #(like these videos where someone turns a fast-food meal into a 5 star meal) #(fast food might be good enough and satisfy you but maybe that fast food could be so much more) #(or maybe someone prefers the fast food over the 5 star meal who am i to judge 🤷🏼‍♀️) #anyway it's half past 12 so i'm gonna go watch today's ep of 10yt now bye

I appreciate everyone's good advice to just drop the damn thing, but for some reason I feel compelled to keep watching Candy Color Paradox, and then complain about it. It's feeling like my experience watching War of Y, although they are very different shows, in that I'm fascinated by it's successes and failures. And I now want to find out what the show ends up saying (either intentionally or not) about the morality of paparazzi journalism. I did notice that two minutes after I paused to write my last post Kaburagi was questioning the ethics of what they did and how it impacted their subject, so I have some hope that the show is at least trying to say something.

However to avoid polluting the tags with my negativity for people who are enjoying the show, I'll keep my criticism below readmores.

Before I get into that, are the editors at the magazine trying to match-make Kaburagi and Onoe? 🤔Because they keep singing the praises of each of them to the other one. 👀

I think the biggest problem for me is that I just don't think the actors are very good. According to MDL they're both idols and don't have much previous acting experience, and I can tell. They're both trying their best, but there is this awkward amateurism to their acting that is distracting me and makes the characters feel less real. I'm just now watching the scene with Congressman's secretary, and it's clear just how much more comfortable this older actor is on screen (at least before he sexually assaults Onoe). He moves and talks and inhabits his body in this unselfconscious way that is engaging to watch. And in the scene when Onoe is talking to his bartender friend, Masayan, my eyes kept being drawn to the bartender, even though all he was doing was listening and nodding. But he just seemed so much present and real.

I bring these two other (much more experienced) actors up because it affirmed for me that it wasn't just my imagination. Both young actors have this tentativeness to their physicality, which really doesn't work for the supposedly cool and dominating Kaburagi, but neither does it feel like it matches the awkwardness that Onoe has. It feels like the actor's own awkwardness, rather than the character's, somehow. It doesn't help matters that they both seem made-up and styled like idols rather than journalists. They just both look so young.

They're not terrible, they both have some nice moments, and Onoe's face especially is growing on me. I think he's the stronger actor, actually, he has this wonderful wide-eyed way of looking at Kaburagi that temporarly creates the illusion that these two have chemistry. The roles I suspect are actually deceptively hard to do well, balancing complex emotions with slapstick comedy. I'm not an actor, but I imagine that's something that requires a lot of experience to pull off well. But it does mean that the chemistry isn't really there, that Kaburagi's philosophical musings feel shallow instead of like insights into a moral crisis, and that Onoe's panic about falling in love doesn't ring true for me.

And oh my god that final sex scene in the car, there was no connection there, it felt like they were each in their own world, not like they were reacting to each other. Which I get, it probably feels much safer for the actors to approach it that way. But it's so obvious on screen. At least a JBL is willing to portray sexuality on screen, I guess? Next step is helping inexperienced actors get comfortable with it. (Eternal Yesterday and Utsukushii Kare were on a different level all together, production and direction wise, and the actors in Old Fashion Cupcake are such pros that they probably could have managed it on their own, though I imagine they had support. And thus concludes the list of JBL I've seen that have attempted more than dead fish kisses.)

The other problem is a mismatch of my expectations and what the show actually is. I keep wanting it to be more serious; it touches upon these complex issues—the sexual assault, ethics in journalism, Kaburagi's feelings about trading sexual favors for information—and then glancing right off of them. Whereas I keep hoping for them to dig in. But it seems very devoted to it's yaoi roots, particularly with a sexually aggressive seme and a blushing maiden uke, and not interested in going much deeper.

And since this is my space to vent, I just watched another show where a completely untrained person was miles better at tailing people and taking covert photos than than these two are. The shows are completely different in tone and budget, so perhaps it's not fair to compare, but it did make me laugh. (I don't want to spoil that show, though it's barely a spoiler, but it's this one for anyone curious.)