#also if you can guess why I put the exact numbers 9 and 12 together consider yourself very ao3

[randomartblogowo]

Day 912 of voting magnussen ☺️

[tonydaddingham]

said i'd be back with an rb!!! should note that i have rb'd an edited version of my original post, as @katalina27ua has pointed out a couple of timestamps ive missed:

nina's phone, ep1

crowley's watch, ep6*

(*edit 03/01: i have since spotted, what i think, is a different time on a different promo shot of this same moment - crowley at the bentley, watching aziraphale leave - and the timeline has been updated in the original post. in this secondary photo, instead of 09:15am, it appears to be between 09:20 - 09:25am, which is only supporting to me that a timestop did occur in the final fifteen, and crowley's watch stopped along with him and aziraphale whereas the bookshop clock - disconnected from them - carried on ticking):

but back to the original rb:

so a really helpful thing was pointed out to me by both @zenkitty714 (sorry im only getting round to understanding what you're saying now!) and again @katalina27ua (and took me a good while to realise what they were explaining, my bad - thanks for being so patient!!!), in that there are a couple of clock-reads in ep6 that, if we accept that the clock is a normal, fully-functioning clock, should be impossible.

in case anyone is like me and didnt put two-and-two together before now: normally, as the minute hand moves around the clockface, the hour hand moves incrementally with it so it can travel to the next number (and so on and so forth). as such, the only instance where the hour hand, in theory i guess (at least as far as i understand it), would be bang-on the number is when it is top of the hour - eg. 8 o'clock. so, it's intriguing to note when it's not an o'clock, so to speak, but the hour hand appears to be dead on a number whichever way around you read it.

the first one is what i think @zenkitty714 is referring to in the replies. i kind of ummed and erred over in the original post (not realising that the above is the exact reason why i was having so much trouble reading it) (suffice to say im not an expert):

because, as above, it shouldn't be possible that the hour hand is pointed in between 8 and 9, and the minute hand be pointing at 12 to signify the top of the hour, at the same time; the hour hand should be on one or the other. ergo, it shouldn't be possible, as it currently stands, that this reads as 8am or 9am. this is also the same for if you read the time as 12:43pm - the hour hand should not be pointing dead-on 12, it should be in-between the 12 and the 1.

the second is the one @katalina27ua highlighted; on face value, the clock is reading as 9:25am, or 5:45am/pm:

but once again, neither are possible on a normal analog clock; if it were 9.25am, the hour hand would be in-between the 9 and 10, and if it were 5:45am/pm, the hour hand would be between the 5 and 6.

there are at least a couple of instances, now that i look back on them throughout the season and has now been pointed out to me, where this happens; where the hour hand (depending on which read you take) appears to be slightly off for what a functioning analog clock would display. as to why it's happening, anyone's guess... but:

it stands to near certainty that the clock is, in real life, broken and the crew purposefully move the hands in sequence with the scenes/shots being filmed - i think that's likely a given, irrespective of any fuckery going on.

but as to why they seem to be landing on times that don't make sense - it may well be that that level of scrutiny or detail wasn't paid during filming itself, and the times are just meant on face value without 100% accuracy as to how a real clock would work. alternatively, it may well be that the impossibility of it is absolutely meant, and is a clue in and of itself.

thank you again to @zenkitty714 and @katalina27ua , you're brilliant!!!✨

timeline rundown

tbh this is mainly just for my reference and i will probably come back to it at a later date; a lot of other much cleverer people are spotting some scenes that appear to be out of order, and before deep-diving into scrutinising each scene and frame, i decided to (for the first run, anyway - im sure others have gotten much further ahead, but i personally like to do my own research) just go with a surface-level, basic approach of looking for time indicators.

edit 02/01: additions!!!✨

couple of notes:

this is initially going with the assumption that no fuckery is going on, and only highlights where things appear to be consistent or inconsistent

on the clockhands, and which way round to read them, this caused me no end of headache. for example, reading the ornate hand as the hour makes ep6 sensical, but then makes ep1 gibberish (and vice versa). so, im doing both! and colour coding them!

blue: ornate hand is the hour, other hand is the minute

orange: ornate hand is the minute, other hand is the hour

green: a timestamp that isn't shown by the clock, or has been surmised/hypothesised.

you can make your own conclusion as to which reads make the most sense, but i'll be adding commentary anyway!!!✨

episode 1:

aziraphale gets maggie's letter: the only thing we know is that the bookshop is closed which, given aziraphale's stunning opening hours policy, doesn't mean a whole lot but for the most part, he seems on average to open the shop between 9.30-10am, and close at 3.30pm

shostakovich: aziraphale gets the records and heads off to listen to them, saying that he will be doing so for the next 21 minutes. i know there have been theories out there stemming from mismatched serial number on the record - but for my money, the explanation is a bit more watsonian than that; that aziraphale has a certain amount of free time to chill out to some music before something else happens (ie., to me, before crowley arrives to the shop). therefore, i would say that it logically follows that the previous scene, and this one, is late afternoon after the shop closes.

crowley in st james' park: as the camera sweeps past buckingham palace, you can hear bell chimes in the background, likely posed as coming from big ben. it starts with the cambridge chimes melody, falls silent, and then rings the number of tolls for the hour. when the agent joins crowley on the bench, i can hear a count of five tolls, for 5pm. example of the 5pm toll here.

gabriel/jim arrives: when aziraphale pauses the record, it appears to be 4.20pm.

when jim is handed the hot chocolate, the main bookshop clock reads as 5.20pm, or 4.25pm. seems odd that there would be such a gap for the former, (albeit plausible given that aziraphale gets jim settled and fitted with a blanket etc.), but the latter is more likely.

- capture of the two preceding timestamps

shax and crowley again: crowley's phone reads as 10.35am which, needless to say, does not fit in the above and below timeline at all.

jim and aziraphale conversation continues: the main bookshop clock reads as 6.20pm, or 4.30pm. again, given that aziraphale immediately looks in the box after retrieving it from outside, makes the latter more likely. it also makes sense taking into account the following hypothesised timestamps.

aziraphale calls crowley: not time-stamped, but crowley notes that he is 'two minutes' away when aziraphale calls. jim doesn't appear to have moved, so presumably the call is made soon after the last scene, and when they are both in the café, it still seems to be fully open and running. if we accept that the start of ep1 is most likely around 4pm, and the aziraphale/jim conversation wraps up around 4.30pm-ish, this would make sense - that crowley arrives to the café around 4.40pm. they then obviously leave, and it cuts to:

maggie gives nina the record: same as the above; maggie remarks that she wants a little something "for the end of the day", and nina says she has to finish closing up. nina has cleared away the dishes from the boys' table, the café is has just emptied, and nina's colleague is getting ready to leave. if we treat this scene as concurrent with the "ah! gabriel!" scene, probably around 4.45pm.

crowley lightning strike: maggie is chucking away her tea bag, and nina is upending chairs. if we say that the "ah! gabriel!" and "so did i!" scenes together take maybe 5-10 minutes in-universe, could hazard that the lightning strike is around 4.50pm - 4.55pm.

interlude, where we then return to crowley getting back to his bentley, and it's nighttime. then gets abducted by beelzebub, before squealing off at 110mph+ back to the bookshop. there isn't a timestamp until:

from @katalina27ua (thank you!), crowley restores power: nina's phone reads as 9:02. this would suggest the morning, but i would suggest that given phones can be set to either the 12- or 24-hour clock, and coupled with darkness and emptiness outside, it's 9:02pm.

the dance: the main bookshop clock reads 1.45am, or 9.05pm.

episode 2:

"what comes after 'K'?": when aziraphale gets startled by jim, the main bookshop clock reads as around 6.53am, or 10.35am.

archangels arrive: the main bookshop clock reads as 09.55am, or 11.45am.

aziraphale starts playing the record: as has been pointed out by @canarybell, this scene is so clearly cut in half from the muriel-arrival scene* in ep3. possibly for timing issues, but still out of sequence of the above; im very tentatively putting the time of the main bookshop clock as somewhere around 11.40am or 8am... only the former could work in the ep2 timeline, but again, it is reasonably certain that this is cut from the beginning of ep3 where, in the context of that scene, it is most likely 8am*, and this scene's place in ep2 is just a continuity issue/post-filming to make up timings.

dirty donkey: no time-stamp, but going on face value of how packed the pub is, seems to be at least mid-late afternoon, or post-lunch weekend. im erring towards the former - that people have come in post-work, and it's somewhere around 3.30pm onwards.

jim remembers: the above makes sense with this scene in context, as the main bookshop clock reads 5.20pm or 4.28pm.

post-job flashback: when we return to aziraphale in modern day, and he calls for crowley, the main bookshop clock reads as 6.30pm.

crowley/nina conversation: the record store is still be open in this scene, which would be odd for 6.30pm onwards, albeit not impossible. the café is definitely closed (it's empty and you can see chairs on tables), and nina is only just leaving/finishing up the close. in which case, it makes sense that aziraphale dozed off for a couple of hours, crowley to have wandered off, and nina to have closed up (if her café closing time is, say, 6pm). so, im going with this being around 6.30pm also.

episode 3:

note: i miss out a fair few scenes in this episode and ep4, because a lot is so flimsy in the speculation. with scenes in the bookshop, we can help gauge time with the shops/crowds around it etc, but in ep3 - eg. when aziraphale is in the bentley - i don't think i have enough surrounding data to make a reliable estimate on when it is... so essentially, im just going on what timestamps we do have.

returning to *the muriel arrival scene from ep2: if we accept that this is meant to be joined with the ep2 scene, the main bookshop clock reads as, most likely, 8am (but reminder: could also be 11.40am) when he sits down to start going through the articles and drawn gabriel, which seems to take some time (given the next timestamp):

however, when muriel turns up at the door, and aziraphale pauses the record, the clock reads as what i think is 7.50am or 9.35am (quality is such that i can't quite tell which hand is which, but i think it's this way round). i think, however, given the continuation of the scene, the latter is the most likely:

cupperty: when aziraphale enters the main room with the teacups, the main bookshop clocks reads as 9.50am.

crowley enters: clock still reading as 9.50am.

- capture of all three preceding timestamps

a hefty jump forward to the gravity conversation: the main bookshop clock reads as 6.17pm, or 3.30pm.

another jump forward, when aziraphale gets to the graveyard, and borrows the phone: clock on the phone reads as 5.30pm.

crowley picks up the call: the main bookshop clock shows as around 5.25pm - 5.28pm - so a couple of minutes' difference, but still fairly reliable.

episode 4:

frankly this episode is anyone's guess, given that there's only two main scenes in modern day. but to start, aziraphale is obviously driving back during the night, so possibly late evening/very early morning. he says that he is late, and so presumably he was meant to get back to london before nightfall/at least, before its very late in the evening.

aziraphale parks up: nina's phone in the café reads as 6.47am. this is supported by the background crashing sounds; with lots of restaurants around, likely bin lorries emptying the bottlebanks/bins.

episode 5:

the opening, when aziraphale leaves to go invite the other shopkeepers, shows that the bookshop is closed but the café and marguerite's is open; the former doesn't really mean jack shit, but i reckon marguerite's is likely to be a lunch/dinner joint. so, with that in mind, likely to be sometime in the afternoon.

crowley has his 'oh' moment, and whistles aziraphale over: we obviously don't know how long crowley has been sat there, but long enough that the patrons have swapped over - so let's say maybe an hour, and again still likely afternoon.

crowley then leaves to go confront gabriel, and aziraphale presumably follows up behind him shortly after. when crowley returns downstairs, and aziraphale is sprucing up the shop: quality is once again dogshite so i can't be sure which way round the hands are, but fairly certain the main bookshop clock reads as 12.30pm or 6pm. the latter seems the most likely, given the following scenes/dialogue:

aziraphale sends out crowley to find nina and maggie, and make sure "they are on their way" - it indicates that the party, set to start at 6.30pm, is soon. rightly enough, crowley pops round to the record store and it's closed, but maggie is inside - and nina has closed up the café and set to leave also.

mrs sandwich and then mr brown arrive: the main bookshop clock reads as around 6.20pm - 6.30pm, but we then don't get a clear shot of the clock for the rest of the episode. we know it suddenly gets really dark as soon as nina flies into the bookshop, but given the demon raid going on outside it's not really a reliable indicator of time.

so up until now, ive been pretty certain that the orange timestamps are the more correct, as they seem to flow the most with the general in-universe happenings of the story, and correlate most with the external green timestamps of the eps. however, ep6 goes very screwy in this respect, and it seems that the blue timestamps suddenly become the more accurate.

episode 6:

demons enter, attack, and the bookcase falls/maggie and nina hold them off with fire extinguishers: the main bookshop clock reads as 2.30am or 6.12am.

crowley comes back from heaven, and the demons arrive: the main bookshop clock reads as 6.02am or 12.30am/pm.

just before the gabriel/beelzebub flashbacks: the clock still reads as just gone past 6am or 12.30am/pm.

gabriel returns: the main bookshop clock, over maggie's shoulder, is out of focus so i can't quite see which way round the hands are, but i think reads as either 7am or 8am, or 11.37am, just before they're ushered out by crowley. either one of the two blue timestamps seems the most likely.

crowley drops off nina and maggie: nina remarks that she should have been open "half an hour ago", which if she normally turns up to open up the shop anywhere between 6.30am - 7am (as per her phone from the end of ep4 - 6.47am), makes 8am more likely - that she turns up at around 6.45am, ready to open at 7.30am.

angels and demons arguing: the main bookshop clock reads, just behind dagon's head, as approximately 08.25am or 4.40am/pm.

michael threatens aziraphale, and metatron arrives: the main bookshop clocks reads as 8am (9am?) or 12.43pm.

"extremely alcoholic breakfast at the ritz": reliably informs, for the avoidance of any doubt, that this scene is in the morning. indeed, when crowley gets out of the armchair, the clock shows again that its around 09.02am, or 12.45pm.

crowley tidies up the bookshop: the main bookshop clocks reads as 09.23am, or 4.47am/pm.

"id better start talking": the main bookshop clock reads as 09.25am or 5.45am/pm. it remains this time for the whole first half of the feral domestic, right up until the kiss.

crowley leaves, and metatron returns: the main bookshop clock now reads as approximately 09.40am or 8.47am. we are shown the scene in pretty close, tight-knit order, with no conceivable gaps in the scene where 20 minutes could have gone missing.

aziraphale leaves the bookshop: the clock remains at 09.40am or 08.47am

again from @katalina27ua! crowley at the bentley: the time on his watch reads as, at least (from what i can tell at the quality i have), within the ninth hour. however, the linked promo shot shows clearer - if we accept this to be taken directly from live filming etc - that the clockface reads ~09:15am.

so. couple of things to talk about here.

for the most part between eps 1-5, the clock has been pretty consistent with not only keeping track of time as scenes have developed etc., but also matching up with other instances of where a timestamp is given to us outside of the bookshop. with that in mind, it is highly likely that the clock is a reliable source of marking the in-narrative time of the story. this, for me, is evident with the orange timestamps - where the ornate hand is the minute hand, and other marks minutes.

however, when we hit ep6, it goes to shit. the orange timestamps (providing that ive tracked this all correctly - but error on my part is a very high possibility, i couldn't be bothered to go get pen and paper) suddenly go screwy, and it's the blue ones that make more sense.

we'll revisit that second point in a minute, but returning to the first point - this tells me a crucial thing (imo). first, that the clock can be accepted as the constant in the equation upon which to compare the variables. therefore, for example, crowley's bell tolls in st james' park, and his phone clock, are immediately apparent as 'out of sequence'. the same goes for the part in ep2 where aziraphale starts drawing gabriel - this of course could just be down to a non/extra-diegetic we-need-to-cut-ep3-but-plump-out-ep2 reason (and i think that's probably the case), but crowley's phone is so purposefully and blatantly (and arguably needlessly - could have just answered straightaway and achieved the same result) displayed with the 'wrong' time, that it doesn't feel accidental.

so if the timeline more likely follows the orange, why does it go completely bonkers in ep6, and instead start to follow the blue? god knows, i really don't have much of an answer beyond the "freaky-deaky time shit is going on", and maybe "the demon incursion/crowley going to heaven/the angel and demon stand-off/unreliable narratorship all round might be something to do with it." but to my mind, it is the blue timeline that suddenly makes narrative sense - it's likely morning, crowley supports this with "breakfast at the ritz", etc.

similarly, what is interesting to note is that despite neil's answer that the 20-minute skip during the kiss was a continuity error (and i will say, full disclaimer - perfectly prepared to still accept this as the truth), the crew/team seem to have been fairly hot on keeping the clock otherwise within continuity for the whole show. for a scene of this magnitude, where they know it's going to be emotionally upheaving for fans, leaving them gasping for an Explanation for how it all went down, and therefore scrutinise it for every little detail? sorry, im personally not buying that it wasn't deliberate... will probably end up eating my words, but there we are.

my brain has melted out of my ears trying to wrap my head around this, but i'll probably come back to it at some point with, no doubt, some corrections - and some further thoughts✨

[allwaswell16]

Fic Writer Questions!

Thank you for tagging me @haztobegood!

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 86

2) What’s your total AO3 word count? 865,801

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 2 (1D and Harry Potter) or if you count adjacent ones to 1d...more than that lol.

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I Didn't Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me) (wtaf. Like I knew this had the most kudos but I did not know the exact number, and I am just both shaking my head and a little weirded out.)

That's How I Know

Consequences

If I Loved You Less

Paper Houses (wth? Had no idea this even had that many kudos)

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I want to say maybe When the Sun Won't Let You Sleep just because there's no epilogue. I always meant to write one, but I commissioned some art that never happened that was supposed to go with the epilogue. So it just never got written lol.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I'm going to say Until because I think it's the only fic I've written that has a romantic wedding as part of it lol.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I guess the only true crossover I have is my very first fic, Just Hear This and Then I'll Go. And that one is a modern day take on Pride and Prejudice. Oh wait, I also wrote a short fic that was a modern version of a short story by L.M. Montgomery, You & Me.

8) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I do. And uhhh, different kinds? lol. To be honest, I write whatever feels right in the moment. I never plan the smut out ahead of time.

9) Do you respond to comments, why or why not? 

I do! I love comments and I always leave comments when I read. I really love that communication between writer and reader that can happen in the comments.

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I've been pretty lucky with this. I did have one once say something about how the actual members of 1D wouldn't like my fic. a;lsdjfsa I then pointed out that FAN fiction is for FANS. Right there in the name lol.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Unfortunately, many times.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! I generally allow translations as long as I'm credited and given a link to the translation.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't. I don't know that I could really do that. I'm always amazed by people who do this! I think if I ever did it would be with my long time beta/best friend @taggiecb.

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

Oof. I have lots of ships that I love, but obviously based on my writing and reading, Louis/Harry is my favorite.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I actually have a published wip that I abandoned. sigh. It's sort of a Secret Garden-ish inspired fic, but I just never really figured out where it was going. I'd like to someday write a bucket list au that I've literally been thinking about for years. I don't know why it just never gets written.

16) What are your writing strengths?

Probably dialogue? Or maybe writing humor? People tend to enjoy my brand of humor if my most popular fics are anything to go by. lol.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

Better descriptive writing is currently what I'm working on. I find that I often write in a visual way, but I tend not to include other descriptors.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I personally wouldn't because I don't speak any other language well enough. I once had a little Italian in a fic, and I had an Italian friend write me those sentences.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

My first fic that I published was for One Direction.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Probably If I Loved You Less because it's my two favorite things put together...Regency romance and fan fiction. And I filled that fic with a whole lot of Regency romance tropes haha. I also really like how a/b/o fits into that world.

I'll tag: @justalarryblog @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed @becomeawendybird @falsegoodnight @jaerie @whatevertearsyou @sadaveniren @vintageumbroshirt @jacaranda-bloom and anyone else who wants to do this!

[pro-exotics]

This isn’t “new” as the post above is from 2011, but I was curious if there were any actual lifespan studies on pet or zoo parrots, and found this first.

Here is the link to the actual study: https://zslpublications.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1469-1795.2011.00477.x#t2

From what I have learned from lifespan studies on toothed whales, I know talking about lifespan can be very, very difficult.

(Apologies in advance that this post got so long-winded.)

----------

For example, when looking up beluga whale “average lifespan”, you can find figures anywhere from 13 to 80 years, both claiming to be “average”. But what does that mean?

Rather, 13 years is what they found the lifespan of belugas to be counted from birth, including all calves that die (which is a very high number). 80 years being the estimated maximum, and then some perhaps less educated person put that as “average lifespan” on a website about whales.

I think the reason for this comes largely because we judge from those two species closest to us; humans and dogs. Human lifespan? Eh, 80 years. In many countries today, a girl has a life expectancy at birth of perhaps 83 years. That is also very close to a “maximum” lifespan (say 90 years), with the exception of some outliers that live far longer. When you’re 83-90 years old, you’re quite ripe, as a human. So “maximum” and “average” is very close, in humans.

As for dogs, 11 years is about average. It’s also old, with some living a bit longer, say the maximum is about 15 (again, with the exception of some remarkable individuals). So, average and maximum, pretty close.

As for beluga whales, the maximum may be about 60-65 (I frankly don’t know where they got “80″ from, as the oldest small whales and dolphins tend to die off in their early 60s, I don’t know of any confirmed older than 65), but the average adult dies in its 30s, and life expectancy at birth is ~13-15.

So the maximum is about twice the typical lifespan for an adult which is about twice the life expectancy at birth. You see how this is complicated? I talk about whales here because it’s what I know best.

To compare with humans, in a more “wild” setting (our ancestors), the maximum we have today of ~115 is twice what our ancestors would start dying at (55 would be quite old and a lot of them would be dead, but they could still sometimes live to 90), and our life expectancy at birth was closer to 25-30, due to high infant mortality. Three completely different figures, in the same way as the belugas.

So allow me to wonder when I read this study on parrot lifespan in zoos. First... and this is the same as with whales in zoos... the older animals will have been caught or born in a time when we didn’t know how to care for them very well (and this study goes back to animals born in the early 1800s). They may have spent their first several decades, or even their entire lives, with a poor diet, habitat or care.

Any animal born in the 1990s or 2000s, that is dead today... obviously didn’t get to live a long time, for whatever reason. Animals born in 2000 or 2010 that will live to the age of 50 or beyond, will not yet die and be included in a study like this for a long time, so they are not included. Again, complicated. (And which is why, when I calculate lifespans, I use strict rules for time of birth and death, and don’t mix those groups, like animals born in 1950 with those born in 1990.)

I know these people are professionals and I am not, but each study is different, and different methods may be used. I am just writing all this to explain how lifespan studies are complicated and may not always give a true picture.

----------

To the point then, I am confused regarding the cockatoos:

It says the oldest Moluccan cockatoo lived to an age of 92 years, but that the average lifespan for birds who survived to adulthood was a mere 9.5 years.

The oldest greater sulphur-crested lived to nearly 73 years, and the oldest lesser sulphur/yellow-crested lived to just under 40 years. Okay. And for both species, the average for those who survived to adulthood, was 8-10 years.

This doesn’t make any sense. Putting these three species together, all with the same average in the end, the maximum was ~68.49 years. That puts the average (not at birth, but for those who survived their first four years) at a mere 14.2% of the maximum lifespan.

I assume zoo parrots would be spared from many of the dangers pet birds are exposed to (open windows, pet cats and dogs, open water, flying into windows, being caught in doors, etc.), so this really makes me wonder at the causes of death.

I could try to make an unprofessional little study by looking around forums where people report their parrots deaths at various ages. Again, it would be very unprofessional and could not be directly compared (no two studies can ever truly be compared side by side, unless the exact same methods were used), but it would be interesting to see, because I just find this so unlikely.

Looking at the macaws, it’s interesting as their maximum ages were not as high as those of the cockatoos, but their average was better, in their 20s or near the 20s. The highest average (of the birds who survived to adulthood) with a reasonable sample size was of the red-tailed amazon, at 21.93 years, from a sample of 15 birds. (And makes me wonder even more why so many cockatoos died young?)

It does say the oldest Meyer’s parrot lived to be 31 (and the average was 9), but I know for a fact that Meyer’s parrots have lived to be over 40 (outliers, however). I guess I can be happy that my Meyer’s is now 18. While data on her species is very poor, I expect her to maybe live to her 30s.

My white-bellied caique got sick and died a few months before his fourth birthday. Looking at his species here, it says this:

34 birds total. The oldest lived to 23.14 years. Total average lifespan was 4.97 years, with 8 birds dying before the age of 4. The remaining 26, who survived to the age of 4 and beyond, died at an average of 5.79 years. However, the additional 3 birds alive when they published the study in 2008, averaged 20.28 years. Huh. (Three is a tiny sample size and you can’t compare living ages with the lifespan of the dead, but it’s funny that they averaged so close to the maximum.)

Anyway. I will be looking at more studies and surveys that might exist of captive parrot lifespans, because this is interesting, and while I doubt 9-10 years is actually a normal lifespan for large cockatoos, I’m certain “50-100 years or more” only belongs to outliers.

[tired-college-student-writing]

Tim’s Secret Weapon Pt.7

I’ve been slightly obsessed with @ozmav​ ‘s Damian Wayne/Marinette Dupain-Cheng pairing as of late, and just saw a post that has inspired me more than anything else has in months, so I felt the need to write it

Summary- Tim has always seen the numbers floating above people’s heads, been able to perceive their threat levels with a single glance. After being a hero for so long he thought he was desensitized to seeing high numbers above people’s heads until Damian brings a new friend home.

Part 1 Part 6 Part 7 (HERE) Part 8

This is out earlier than expected because my procrastination sucks ass

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The battle was fascinating to watch, to say the least. The team worked together like a well-oiled machine, making their acrobatic plan flawlessly after Marinette called for her ‘Lucky Charm’ and used the white paint she received along with Ryoko’s water powers to break the connection The Queen of Hearts had with her guards. This gave Abeille the chance to sneak in dive in and freeze her with her venom sting as Chat grabbed her bracelet and turned it to dust.  Viperion seemed to not have an outright offensive move associated with him, but his time travel ability seemed infallible as he effortlessly redirected his teammates around attacks yet to come. 

The Bats were left watching with respect as Ladybug caught the dark purple butterfly in her yoyo. From the second she had left them on the roof to when she tossed the paint can in the air, allowing her magic to fix all the damage done by the fight, only fifteen minutes had passed. 

The five heroes grinned at each other, fist-bumping with a chorus of “Pound it!” before Chat and Abeille went up to the woman in her early 30s that had been the victim of the fight, and the other three turned to take off, Ladybug making a clear path back to the hotel, with the Bats on her heels. 

They passed through the window they had left not long before just in time for Ladybug to flash bright pink once more. Tim flinched slightly as her number reappeared and slowly fell back to her normal 15. Alfred looked up from the chair where he was reading. 

“Welcome back, Shall I call for refreshments?” He asked, placing the book down. 

“Yes please,” Dick answered, “I feel like we’re going to be here for a while. 

“Of course,” He hummed standing up to go to the phone, “Aw and Miss. Marinette, what food does your Kwami favor?” 

The young girl jumped, eyes wide, “What!” 

“Your Kwami, I saw the battle on the news, and assumed your Kwami will be famished after that much magic being used.”

“I don’t-” 

A small red fairy-like creature flew out from Marinette’s jacket. 

“It’s okay, Marinette,” The creature reassured before turning to the men in the room, “Hello I’m Tikki! I’m glad to finally meet all of you.” 

Alfred’s face became unbelievably soft as he held out his index finger to the small creature, “Hello Madam Tikki, it’s lovely to meet you as well. What can I get for you?”  

She giggled as she shook the offered finger, “No need to be so formal with me, Alfred, but I’m partial to cookies if you don’t mind.” 

“Not at all, Tikki,” He said before striding over to the room’s phone, raising an eye at the still costumed Bats, “I would suggest getting dressed in something more appropriate before room service arrives gentlemen.” 

“You dropped her title,” Jason countered instead of moving to change, “You never drop titles when asked!” 

Alfred let out an amused huff, “Arguing with Kwamis over respect is a futile endeavor. Now do not make me tell you again. This is a conversation best suited for the Waynes, not the Bats.”  

The Bats ducked into one of the adjoining bedrooms, as Marinette just blinked in surprise at the exchange. 

“You’ve had experience with the miraculous before?” She asked as he hung up the phone, Tikki settling in her hair. 

“I do,” He confirmed, “For several years I was a hero known as Emrys with the help of a very good friend named Duusu.” 

Tikki gasped, “You’re a peachick.” 

Alfred’s eyes misted slightly, “Yes, and I must admit I never thought I would be able to converse with another Kwami after losing the peacock brooch. I was devastated to hear that the butterfly had fallen into the wrong hands,” 

Marinette was biting her lip as the Bats reentered the room, now in their civilian clothing. 

Damian raised an eyebrow, “Is everything okay, Angel?” 

“I just…” She looked at all of them, “This is a lot, how did we get here?” 

The room glanced at Tim as he sighed and stepped forward and began his explanation once more. 

Marinette took the information on how his powers worked really well, humming at certain parts as she looked deep in thought. Tikki was looking at him strangely, by the time that he had finished. 

“You’ve been able to do this since you were born?” She questioned lightly, nibbling on one of the cookies that had arrived during his explanation. 

He gave a nod, “As far as I’m aware. Why?” 

The Kwami shook her head, “Just making sure.” 

“Well that’s cryptic,” Jason drawled from where he was laying on the floor. 

Marinette giggled, “Welcome to Kwamis, they give the most helpful cryptic insight you could ask for.” 

Tikki stuck her tongue out at her user before both broke down into giggles. 

Tim looked between them before finally asking, “Do you know the other Paris’ heroes secret identities?” 

Marinette cocked her head, sitting up slightly from where she was snuggled under Damian’s arm, “All but Chat Noir’s, as when I took over the Guardian position I was the one that had to pick those that would receive the Miraculous. I’m guessing your powers gave them away?” 

He gave a sheepish shrug, “It’s kinda hard to see a 12, 13, 14, or 15 over someone’s head and not put together their identities. Viperion is the only one I don’t know because I didn’t see him out of his mask.” 

Dick raised a brow from his upside-down seat on the couch, “Was that why you were so weird at the school?” 

“There were six people with 12s or higher,” He snapped, “And that creepy chick that called Damian ‘Dami-Bear’ was a 9.” 

Jason gave a low whistle, “Damn, that’s a lot.” 

Marinette looked surprised, “Six? But there’s only five miraculous out permanently on our side…” 

“Yeah about that,” Tim said, “I’ve seen other users online, have Max or Kim from your class ever held a miraculous?” 

“How did…”

“It’s rare to see people with the exact same shade of a color, even less so when they have the same number,” He explained, knowing his family was hanging onto his every word, “And yet Kim and Max both had a pure white 12, the exact same pure white 12 as Alfred. I think the miraculous might permanently affect the user’s danger level.” 

“You only asked about Kim and Max,” Marinette put in, “But Alya and Nino also held miraculous before, what were their numbers.” 

“Alya was the girl that started recording right? And who was Nino.” 

“Yeah, and Nino was the boy with the bright blue headphones around his neck, red cap, and glasses.” 

“She had an obnoxious orange 5, and He had a mossy green 4.”

“Why wouldn’t they have 12s then…” 

Tikki was the one to answer, “Alya and Nino weren’t true holders, but Max and Kim are both true holders so I imagine that would affect Tim’s powers.” 

All eyes fell on the small goddess. 

“True holder?” Marinette asked. 

She gave a small nod, “The Kwamis are much older than the human race and the miraculous, but when we began using humans to regulate our powers each Kwami blessed a handful of souls. As they go through the reincarnation cycle we can find our true users, who will always be more intuned with our powers than anyone else that could use our miraculous and our true users usually showcase abilities that go along with the concept the Kwami represents. After a true holder transforms for the first time Kwami’s can feel them, and recognize them as one of the blessed souls, though we don’t know what Kwami blessed their souls on that feeling alone.”

“So the 12s  saw were true users that don’t have their miraculous,” Tim summed up. 

“Most likely,” Tikki confirmed, “The others would be the ones that still hold their miraculous.” 

The conversation goes on for a while as Marinette asks questions of Tim and he asks them right back. The rest of the family remaining silent as they soak in the information, all making mental notes on where to go next. 

Bruce finally claps his hands startling the pair out of the intense debate they had gotten over whether his ability could be used to detect a potential Akuma victim before an Akuma got to them or not as the sunset. 

“As insightful this discussion is,” He comments, “I believe it is time that we contact the rest of the League and make a plan on how to out Hawkmoth.” 

“We should change and head for WE,” Damian suggested, “No one would be on the executive floor at this time so we can do a conference call without risk of being disturbed.” 

When Bruce gave a nod all the Bats rose and headed to the bedroom. 

“Before we call the league,” Marinette said quietly making them pause, “I need to do two things.” 

Bruce nodded, waiting for her to continue, her city, her rules.

“Firstly I want to call my team, they should be there when we contact the league,” She said, turning towards Tim, “I would also like to inform them that you know who most of them are, and how you figured it out since it’s their secrets.”

“I’m willing to share with them,” He told her, “It’s only fair that they know the facts before we form.” 

“Thank you,” She breathed. 

“Now what else did you want to do?” Jason asked.  

“Alfred,” She turned to the butler, “There’s something you should know about who we’re fighting.”  

“Nooroo and his user?” He questioned with a raised brow. 

She shook her head, “No, Hawkmoth may have been there from the start but a little less than a year into the fight another miraculous user joined him. Mayura and…  her Sentimonsters.” 

His strangled gasp sent a stab of pain through all the hearts in the room, “Not Duusu…” 

She gave a grim nod, “Mayura is the current holder of the peacock miraculous. Though at first, her appearances were few and far between due to the brooch being damaged, they learned how to repair the damage shortly after I became Guardian allowing for her to make more regular appearances.”  

None of the Wayne’s had ever seen Alfred look so pale, so worn out, so… old.

Bruce wrapped an arm around the butler’s waist pulling him towards the couch, making him sit gently. 

“It’s okay, Alfie,” Bruce breathed as the others remained silent. Alfred was shaking slightly, unable to find his voice as he slowly held out a hand. Bruce clasped it tightly, sitting with the man that raised him in reassuring silence.  

“Master Bruce,” Alfred’s voice was quiet as he continued to stare at their clasped hands, “I don’t normally ask anything of you except for you and the young masters to stay safe, but if I might make a request?” 

“Anything, Alfred,” The man answered without a second of hesitation. 

“Find Hawkmoth and Mayura and free Nooroo and Duusu as quickly as possible. Rescue them, please, no matter what it takes.”  

“I promise,” 

Alfred finally raised his eyes, a hard steely gaze flashing over his ward’s face, “Go.” 

Bruce was on his feet and in the bedroom ready to change within a second, his sons not far behind him. 

“I’m sorry Alfred,” Mari breathed only to be rewarded a shaky smile. 

“It’s not your fault, Marinette,” He reassured, professional mask struggling to raise, “I believe it is time to call your team.” 

“Tikki, spots on.” 

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Thirty minutes later Ladybug found herself staring at her whole team in the art room of her school with the blackout curtains pulled tight over the windows, able to feel their buzzing energy overflowing the room.  

Abeille was looking at her imploringly, knowing slightly what the meeting was about, but the fact that Ladybug had contacted not just the regular team, but the reserve members, Pegasus, King Monkey, and Bunnyx, as well had them all on edge. 

“Is everything okay, bugaboo?” Chat finally broke through the nerves to ask. 

She nodded slightly, taking a deep breath, “Earlier today before the Akuma, Abeille came across two foreign heroes.” 

The rooftop stilled, eyes wide. 

“Who was here,” Vipieion asked first. 

Ladybug gave them all reassuring smiles, “Nightwing and Red Robin, and after making contact with Abeille, I met with the Batman, Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and Robin. They wanted to offer their help.” 

“They finally answered!” Chat cheered causing the gathered heroes to break out in celebration, even Ladybug couldn’t stop a grin from spreading her lips.

Finally indeed. Three days after Stoneheart the original duo had tried to contact the Justice League, and then again a month later, and again, and again...

A year and a half into the fight against Hawkmoth they finally got a response, telling them the contact was for real emergencies, not for pranks. The response wasn’t even signed past the official Justice League seal. 

For League associated heroes to be here in Paris, and willing to talk, it filled them all with the hope that the fight wasn’t going to last forever. 

Ladybug let them enjoy the feeling for a few minutes before she called them back to order. The bright smiles pointed at her made the nervous twist in her stomach lessen slightly even as she readied herself for the next announcement. 

“Before we met up with the League and determining a game plan, I think it is only fair to have us all on the same page,” She told them, “After speaking with the Gotham heroes they informed me that they figured out not only my civilian identity but, Chat Noir, Ryuko and Abielle’s as well.” 

“What!” Bunnyx roared, “How dare they! The sneak sons of-” 

“Stop!” Ladybug cut her off with a glare, “They did not go digging into our backgrounds to figure it out, and while they will explain in more depth when we go meet them, I can tell you that they discovered our identities because Red Robin is a Metahuman with an ability he can’t physically turn off, it was the same way he figured out who Batman and other heroes were long before he was Robin, and he’s never given away an identity without express permission.” 

The room quieted down but still looked uneasy, She just sighed. 

“That brings me to the next point. With the League finally answering us, I think we need to not waste the opportunity. If we’re going to finish this, we need to use every advantage we have against Hawkmoth and Mayura, which means we need to be able to work at all hours of the day.” 

The room was silent as all the heroes tried to decide where she was going with this, but she just stared at her partner. 

Chat maintained her eye contact, and she could see the exact second he put together what she was saying. 

“Ladybug,” He spoke slowly, “Are you serious?” 

She gave a nod, “I’ve spoken with my Kwami and I’ve decided that if all of you are comfortable with it, I think we should tell each other our identities.” 

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[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 29

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.8k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: id love your feedbacks now that theyre happy together and id love to know what you think will happen of what you want to happen so if you read these notes please tell me!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : 4 requests! :) thank you so much!

Chapter 29 : His chapter

NIALL

I kept glancing at her as I drove and I couldn't take that stupid smile off of my lips. Her hair was dancing around her head, sometimes tickling my arm, cheek and neck, and it didn't bother me at all. In fact, I enjoyed it. She put her hand out of the window as it moved in waves because of the wind and the speed of the car on the high way and I loved watching her. She was wearing her stupid heart shaped sunglasses but they were new because these had purple tinted glasses, unlike the pink ones she used to have, and the smell of honey and vanilla reached my nose from time to time. I loved it. I loved her. She looked stunning in the golden hour and despite everything we had been through, at that exact moment, I was so fucking happy I could start flying.

She reached for the volume when one of my songs came on and I laughed as she started singing loud. The smile she was wearing told me I was not the only happy person in this car and I started singing with her, tapping on the wheel as she moved her upper body with the music. When the song was over I felt her reach for my thigh and she squeezed it a bit before turning the volume down again and leaning back against the seat. I could feel her gaze on my side and I was wondering what was burning my skin more : her eyes, or the setting sun hitting on my other cheek?

"Was this song written for a specific one night stand or was it just general?"

"Slow Hands?" I asked, raising my eyebrows before chuckling. "Who says I didn't write it about you?"

"Pretty sure you wrote it when we were not together anymore." she said with a frown.

"No!" I quickly replied after trying to imitate the sound of a 'wrong answer' buzzer from a tv quiz. "I started it when we were together. I just didn't really plan to add it to the album but I ended up thinking that album needed a bit more grit, i wanted something a bit more.. daring?"

She raised her eyebrows as I exited the high way and replaced her hair quickly without much success. It was adorable and I loved it a lot but I didn't mention it.

"That's daring alright. Are you talking about your fingertips or mine?" she asked with a chuckle, making me laugh.

"You decide!"

She chuckled again and I could swear she also rolled her eyes but it was hard to see because of her sunglasses. I parked a bit farther on the road and her eyes left me to look by her window. She shook her head before looking back at me and smiling.

"What?"

"I don't know, I'm always amazed at the number of beaches we can drive by here." she shrugged. "I'm just not used to it."

"You like it?"

She licked her lips and shrugged a bit, glancing down and then looking up at me. "I guess, yea. But I miss London. All the time."

I moved my own glasses up on my head and she took hers off, tilting her head and sending me a soft smile. It was a stupid thought, but at that moment, I felt the need to say it.

"You can always find your home in me." I let out, reaching for her hands and squeezing them. "You're mine, too. You're my home."

Her traits softened and she slowly moved closer, holding herself with both hands on one of my thighs before her lips reached mine. She kissed me softly and I didn't try to deepen the kiss, I just enjoyed the way he lips pressed gently but firmly against mine.

"You're my home too." she whispered, letting her eyes fall down to my laps after moving slightly away. "Unzip your pants."

"Excuse me what?" I asked with a nervous chuckle.

"Unzip your pants." she repeated without skipping a beat.

"I parked here for a walk on the beach, not for.. whatever you had planned." I explained, raising my eyebrows.

"You're not gonna say no to a blowjob twice in a row will you?" she asked, losing her smile but I could still see how amused she was in her eyes. "I'm gonna start doubting my skills."

The left corner of my lips raised and I unzipped my pants, my eyes never leaving hers. Of course I was not going to say no but damn I just hoped we wouldn't get caught. Her lips curled into a big smile before she quickly bend down. It took her half a second to have her lips around my cock and my hand gripped the wheel tight as the leather made an annoying noise. I could feel myself grow hard fast and I whimpered low. She took my dick completely in her mouth and I let out a low 'Jesus Christ' when I felt her fingers play with my balls. I looked around to see if anyone was getting closer and finally blinked a few times, looking down at her head moving up and down on me. I pushed her hair out of the way to see her better and pressed my lips together, feeling one of my legs shake. She normally goes slow and makes sure I can feel her lips on my tip, under my foreskin and down to my balls but this time, she just went fast and hard, letting the tip of my cock hit the back of her throat every time she could. I gripped her hair and licked my lips before they parted.

"Don't move, I'm gonna cum."

Quickly, I moved my hips up and down, thrusting my cock in and out of her mouth fast and hard until my eyes closed and my grip tightened.

"Holy f-, swallow it." I whispered without thinking, only half a second before I felt myself cum hard in her mouth.

I pushed her more on my cock as I felt an intense orgasm hit me like a wave and when I let go of her head, she took my dick out of her mouth but let her tongue run on the length before moving down to my balls and sucking on one. I felt my cock twitch and let out a groan as I heard her chuckle.

I quickly put my cock back in my pants when she moved her head up and the smirk she was sending me made my heart skip a beat.

"You came so fast!" she laughed, making me grimace.

"Shut up! You went so hard on my cock how was I supposed not to cum?"

I could have delayed my orgasm but I didn't see the point, especially since we were in a public place, but I didn't mention it. Of course, it made me nervous to get caught, but at the same time, the thrill was amazing.

"Do you still want to go on the beach?" I suggested, trying to talk about something else, before she nodded.

We both got out of the car and I grabbed my cap, putting it on my head and reaching my hand out for hers. She looked at it for a few seconds and stopped walking before looking up in my eyes. Something stirred in my stomach when she shook her head slightly and my arm fell back on my side. Ouch.

"You just sucked my cock in the car but you don't want to hold my hand?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "No one will recognize us, no one cares!"

I didn't want to be rude but I couldn't pretend her behavior didn't hurt me a bit. I was normally the one who didn't want affection display in public whenever I was in a relationship but I never understood how the girls I dated could feel when I said that. Now, I had a good idea.

"I thought we... agreed that we would just.." she stopped herself and shook her head with a sigh. "I'm sorry Niall, i'm not ready for that, and you don't want that either. You hate PDA remember?"

My traits softened and I sighed, nodding slowly.

"I'm sorry, you're right, and I shouldn't have been so rude."

She licked her lips and after a few seconds, she followed me and we walked side by side on the beach with a small breeze against us. I kept glancing at her and after a while, I felt her fingers brush against mine.

"I love you, you know?" she said in a low tone, making me turn my head her way completely.

"I know, I love you too, I'm sorry, Olivia."

"I'm just.. I'm scared, Niall. Last time ended so badly, and now we're so happy. I don't want things to get bad after we make it official. I don't want what we have to vanish or even falter. I want this to last, and right now, it works, so, why risk it?"

I understood what she meant even if technically, it didn't really make sense, but I was pretty sure she knew that. I sat quickly in the sand, my knees up and holding myself with my elbows slightly behind myself, half laying down. She smiled and sat next to me in the same position, except she spread her legs out and crossed her ankles together. She was wearing soft black pants and her ridiculously dirty rainbow converse and I liked it without even knowing why.

"Okay, would you rather be always 10 minutes late or 20 minutes early?"

I raised my eyebrows and smiled slightly when I recognized the game. We used to always play that game when we were younger but as the years went by, the questions changed, and the answers too.

"20 minutes early, of course!" I frowned with a chuckle. "That was easy. Okay my turn. Would you rather have whatever you are thinking to appear above your head for everyone to see orrrrrr have absolutely everything you do live streamed for anyone to see?"

"That's an absolute shitty question." she complained. "Anything I think about appear above my head. That would imply a lot of people seeing your cock, though."

I let out a loud laughter and turned to her. "Are you thinking about my cock right now?"

"Of course!" she replied quickly. "Can't you see it above my head?"

We laughed together and she licked her lips.

"Mm, would you rather have edible spaghetti hair that regrows every night orrrr, sweat maple syrup."

I grimaced and shook my head. "This is horrible. Sweat maple syrup I guess."

"I guess I'd lick your armpits all the time, then." she shrugged, bringing a smirk to my lips.

"Oh I know you'd do it even now." I pointed out. I could swear I saw her cheeks turn a soft shade or red and chuckled. "You love my armpits. One time you literally put your face there and kissed it."

"That was an accident." she blatantly lied. " I was trying to kiss your... your shoulder."

"Liar. I was smelly too, I was just back from the gym." I added, knowing I was embarrassing her even more.

"Okay, Niall, your turn now!"

I laughed as I stared at her and finally pressed my lips together, trying to find a good question.

"Would you rather... have 10 orgasms every time you have sex but they're not that good, or just one every week but a fucking strong one."

"That's a horrible question and I'm sorry but I'm gonna go for the fucking strong one." she shrugged with a grimace. "I would be so annoying all week though, you wouldn't be able to live with me. I'd hump you all the time."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "How often do you masturbate?"

Her eyes roamed on my face and she pressed her lips together, trying not to smile too much.

"Normally maybe, twice a day?" she just replied with a shrug. "These days, though, I don't. You're the only one who makes me cum."

I turned to her and sent her a big happy smile that she sent back.

"I would kiss you right now." I pointed out, making her smile too.

"I would kiss you back."

We stared at each other for a while and she finally looked away, turning her head to the water for a few minutes as the sun was disappearing into the horizon. I knew we should get up and leave to find a place to sleep but I didn't want to.

"Would you rather marry a 10 with a boring personality, or a 6 with an amazing personality." she let out, turning her head to send me a smile again. "Choose wisely."

"You're not asking this about yourself, right? Because you're not a 6."

"You're right, i'm a 4, at best. No wait, Heidi said a 3, right?"

"You're still thinking about that?" I asked in a lower and soft tone before she shrugged and turned again to the water. "You really shouldn't. She was just jealous."

"Heidi isn't jealous of anyone. What she says, she means." Liv pointed out. "You know, just because I know you're out of my league doesn't mean I'm not confident, or that I hate myself. I know society's beauty standards and I don't fit in. I never will. You do though." she pointed out, turning to me. "You've always been the pretty boy, the one everyone liked and wanted to be around. I was never jealous I was fucking mesmerized. Because you were my best friend and no one else's. You had picked me."

"I'm still picking you. I'm choosing you every single day, Olivia." I pointed out, sitting up and crossing my legs, looking down at my hands. "And you have no idea how many girls I flirted with that turned me down." I chuckled. "Before I was famous and even now. You could be surprised."

"That's because you seem to always fall for stupid fucking bitches. You always choose them for what they physically look like. You never try to see deeper because for you, everyone is good. But it's not true. Not everyone is good, Niall. Some people will just use you and throw you away when they're done. Some people will pick you because you're rich and famous, and some other won't pick you because you're not glamorous enough. Why do you think Heidi wanted to date you so bad but was totally okay to let you sleep with one of her best friends?"

I looked up and frowned. "Wait, what do you mean?"

"Gia Christenson? That's literally the only friend Heidi has left, yet she sent her to flirt with you at that bar when we were dating? She gave her your number so she could send you nudes when we were camping? And you literally ended up sleeping with her a few weeks before you started dating Heidi?"

My lips parted slightly but I shook my head. No, Heidi hadn't done all that just so I would break up with Olivia, that was impossible. I didn't want to believe that someone could ever do that. To anyone. I was not such a bad judge of character.

"No I mean, it's a coincidence."

"It's not. And I'm not blaming her for our break up. She didn't force you do to anything, she didn't point a gun to your head either. But when you started dating her I couldn't help but think that she had gotten exactly what she wanted and I had lost."

"And now?"

"Now?" she asked, raising her eyebrows as she turned to look in my eyes with a sad smile. "Now I'm just not playing anymore."

We kept quiet again, just listening to the waves and feeling the slightly cooler breeze hit our cheeks. It felt amazing to be here, alone, with her, but her words kept resonating in my head. Was I that oblivious?

"I don't want to marry a 6 or a 10, no matter what their personalities are." I finally just replied with a shrug. "I want to marry you. No number. Just you."

The way she smiled at me and tilted her head, I knew she liked my answer, but I kept quiet and after a while, she got up and I followed her back to the car. The sun was gone and the sky was dark but I drove to the first motel I saw and grabbed our bags before putting my sunglasses back on.

"I'll give my name." she just said as we reached the counter.

I smiled a bit and nodded before she asked for a room, gave her name and paid for it. I stayed behind her slightly and finally followed her to our room as she opened it and let me in. I dropped everything near the bed and when I turned around she was locking the door behind us.

"How much do I owe you?" I asked, putting my hands on my waist.

"Nothing, I got my check." she giggled, making me raise my eyebrows. "The number on it was astronomical, I almost came just looking at my bank account."

"Okay but this is literally a suite." I pointed out, making her roll her eyes.

"A suite in a motel I mean who cares?" she rolled her eyes, sitting on the bed.

I walked to her and bent down to kiss her lips as her hands found my cheeks. I had wanted to kiss her for hours and feeling her lips on mine after that long felt incredible.

"You want to add more fluids to these dirty bed sheets?" she asked with a smirk, making me grimace before she started laughing hard. "I'm just kidding! I'm sure these are extremely clean."

"Yea not so sure anymore."

She got up and tilted her chin up to look at me. Instinctively, my arms wrapped around her waist and I pulled her closer to kiss her gently.

"Maybe we could sleep on the floor?" I proposed in a low tone, half-joking.

"The floor is probably even worse." she mentioned just as low before chuckling. "Come on, I'll fill the bath for us. I saw it on the brochure and it looks incredible."

"For a motel room suite, maybe." I complained as she moved away.

I heard her laugh again and opened one of my bags to get some comfortable clothes for both of us, leaving the sweatpants and shirts on top of my luggage. I finally grabbed my phone and looked at all the notifications popping up with a grimace. I deleted all of them and went to check my contacts. I clicked on Heidi's name and picked the 'delete' option before doing the same with Gia and a few other girls. I was not really sure who they were, probably because they were insignificant to me, and threw my phone on the bed just as she was calling me. When I stepped foot in the bathroom, the bath was filled and the lights were dimmed, which surprised me a bit, considering what kind of motel we were in.

I looked at her sitting in the bath, definitely naked but all I could see was her breasts out of the water and slightly covered with foam. I could still see her nipples and I groaned.

"Can't believe you didn't wait for me to get undressed."

She shrugged and smiled. "Your turn. Take your clothes off."

Quickly, I took my shirt off and laughed when I noticed the way she was looking at me. She didn't say a word and I took my pants, boxers and socks off before joining her. The bath was large enough and I sat in front of her, grabbing one of her feet and massaging it gently, my thumbs pressing against her sole.

"Mm, don't stop." she whispered making me laugh as she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the side of the bath. "I didn't expect that but this is amazing. Oh, and there's a beer behind you. Thought you'd enjoy."

I grabbed the bottle with one hand and she immediately started shaking her foot to get my attention back.

"You’re so needy."

"Shut up and keep going." she just replied, making me roll my eyes, a small smile still on my lips.

We remained in silence for a while, just enjoying the warm water and the presence of each other, but after a while, my mind went from blank to filled with questions and I breathed in.

"What are we, Olivia?"

She moved her head up and her eyes opened, meeting mine. She seemed a bit taken aback by my question but she shook her head a bit before tilting it.

"We're... two best friends who... love each other, and fuck more than occasionally." she proposed slowly, raising her shoulders up. "I guess."

"What if I want you to be my girlfriend, Olivia? What do I have to do for that?"

She breathed in and out slowly, still looking at me, and took her foot back. I thought she was mad but she moved in the water and got closer, placing her knees on each sides of me and sitting on my thighs. She looked down at my chest,  bringing warm water on my shoulders and sighing before looking back up in my eyes.

"I love you, Niall. I'm in love with you. I want to date or fuck no one but you." she confessed in a very low tone. "But I'm not ready. And I don't know when I'll be. Or if I'll ever be."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and frowned a bit. "So we may never get back together?"

Her face changed and she licked her lips. "Shit happens, so we never know? I want to, and I'm trying. But I can't promise anything. It's too stressful for me. Can we just.. live today? You're going on tour, I'm about to film again and... we'll both be extra busy. We can have that discussion again after your tour?"

"My tour literally ends in september, Liv." I pointed out. "That's in over 7 months. What will happen if we don't see each other for weeks?"

Her eyes roamed on my face and she licked her lips again, as if she was trying to find the courage to talk again. "I'll do everything I can to come see you every time I have a few days off. You can come back here whenever you have a break, too. We can talk every day, text each other, facetime each other. It's not our first time apart, and... I know it'll probably be the hardest but if we want to make this work, we will, right?"

I stared at her, unsure if it was really possible but I swallowed. I wanted it so bad, whether we were official or not, and I was going to do everything I could to make this, whatever it was, work.

"I'm not gonna date, fuck or even see anyone else." she added. "Just you. I sort of expect the same from you although I can't force you but... if you decide you don't want to be exclusive I want to know who you... who else you're gonna have sex with, please? I'm honestly just scared of what an official relationship will do to us. The girlfriend and boyfriend title is just.. too big for me. For now." she paused. "Okay?"

"Okay." I whispered, nodding but feeling like shit.

She slipped her fingers in my hair and pressed her lips gently against mine.

"I love you." she murmured before kissing my cheekbone. "I love you." she repeated, kissing my jaw. "So fucking much." Her lips brushed against my neck. "More than anything." She went back to my lips. "I'm in love with you." I closed my eyes as she peppered kisses slowly and gently on my face and neck until my shoulders fell and I relaxed.

I felt her bring water over my shoulders again and she let her hands run on my chest, moving up on her knees. I kept my eyes closed until I heard a whimper escaping her lips and when I opened my eyes again, she was biting her bottom lip. I wanted to tell her that the song I had written was about marriage and that all I could think about since we went to that stupid wedding was how bad I wanted her to be my wife. It was ridiculous, knowing that I was not 100% in the relationship when we dated and that I was now in this 150% and we weren't even dating. I couldn't tell her that, though. Not after she had just told me she didn't want pressure and stress. Not after she had told me that she needed time and that she was not ready. But the words got stuck in my throat and I swallowed them hard.

"You okay?"

"Mmhm." I just replied, bringing one of my hands between her legs as I stared in her eyes.

She stiffened and finally bit her bottom lip as I slipped two fingers inside her, moving them in a fair rhythm and make her hips jerk slightly. I knew we were having a serious conversation but I was on the verge of spilling all my thoughts and feelings to her and I had no idea how to stop myself from doing that except by making her cum. I brought my thumb to her clit and stared at her seriously as her lips parted.

"Niall, I think we should wait until we get out of t-the bath." she let out in a mix of whimper and whisper. "I bought something special, just for you."

"Tomorrow. Today I'm just gonna watch you fuck yourself on my fingers." I argued as I kept brushing her clit with my thumb. Then I'm gonna finish my beer, I'll kiss you, wrap a towel around you and bring you in bed, and we'll talk in the dark the way we used to always do."

She reached for my wrist and stopped me for a few seconds. "Are you gonna sing something to me?"

I breathed in and nodded. "Any song you want. As many times as you want."

It took her a few seconds to nod and I reached for her hand, moving it away from my wrist as I started rubbing her clit again. "Come on, pet, do it now."

She started moving slowly up and down on my fingers and after a few minutes, I could feel her throb around me. The sight was amazing but I couldn't help myself and wrapped my free arm around her to bring her breasts close to my face. I ran my tongue on one of her nipples before sucking on it as she let out a louder moan. She started shaking and I felt her pussy clench around my fingers. I looked down at my fingers disappearing inside her and groaned low.

"Fuck I love your pretty little fanny. So fucking wet all the fucking time."

She started shaking and watching her body quiver from an orgasm was the most incredibly hot thing I have ever seen in my life. She came down from her high and I took my fingers out before she sat back on me and her mouth found mine again.

"You didn't tell me." she whispered, kissing me hard again. "Are you gonna see other girls while we're away? You're going to meet a few on tour..."

I grabbed her waist and pulled her away to look into her eyes and I could read in hers that she felt bad for asking me, almost scared of my answer. I wished she knew how I felt. I wished she knew I wouldn't do anything that could risk hurting her again, and I knew that just telling her wouldn't mean she'd believe me.

"You're all I think about. You're all I care about. Nothing feels good without you. I told you. That year without you was the most miserable of my entire life, Olivia. I have no desire to be with anyone else. So no, I'm not gonna see anyone. I'm not gonna kiss anyone. I'm not gonna fuck anyone. I'm not even going to flirt with anyone because I just don't give a fuck about anyone else."

"This is gonna work." she whispered, trying to convince both of us. "This distance thing I mean. We'll do it right."

"We will." I confirmed with a smile. "And every single night, I'm gonna sing about you."

[backtobackbakubabe]

Baby its Cold Outside (PART 12)

Bakugo X Reader

Make it Blue! Make it Pink! 

Words: 2418

PART 1 HERE, PART 2 HERE, PART 3 HERE PART 4 HERE PART 5 HERE , PART 6 HERE PART 7 HERE PART 8 HERE PART 9 HERE PART 10 HERE PART 11 HERE PART 12 HERE PART 13 HERE PART 14 HERE

*****************************************************************************************************

You looked in the mirror with frustrated tears in your eyes. Today was the first day of school after summer vacation and it was your first official day as a teacher. Most teachers wore their hero outfits to work but given the fact you were 4 months pregnant there was no way you were going to fit in your skin tight costume. Yet here you stood anyways trying to get it to stretch like the idiot you were. 

You hadn’t even noticed Katsuki walk up behind you until he was wrapping his arms around you. He kissed your bare shoulder, “Hey I thought we talked about this. No tears over something this silly. You are gorgeous. Fuck that stupid costume. I like the dress you picked out last night. It shows off that adorable bump you’re rocking.” 

You chuckled as you dried your tears on the back of your hand, “I know, I know. I just didn't think I’d be rocking such a big bump so soon. I wasn’t ready.” 

He turned you around to face him rather than the mean mirror that seemed to mock you. “Hey you’re literally growing a human right now. Kids likely going to be the next number one hero. Of course he’s going to need a little extra room.” He knelt down and gave your belly a quick kiss. “I think you're beautiful.” 

You ran your fingers through his hair, “You seem so sure it’s going to be a boy, but I still think it’s going to be a girl. I don’t know why but I just have this gut feeling.”

He stood up now to continue getting ready for his own work day, “Gut feeling huh? You sure its not just gas? You’ve had a lot of tha-” You threw your show at him, “OI! Relax its just a joke!” 

You had already pulled on your new dress. “It better be a joke! I may be pregnant but I’ll still kick your ass!” You sat down on the edge of the bed and gave him puppy dog eyes, “Now can you please help me with my shoes?” You were already so short that even the smallest baby bump made you look round and awkward. You wiggled your foot in his direction. 

“Tck, you mean the shoe you just threw at me?”

You nodded with those big puppy dog eyes you had learned from Kitty, “I mean I’d say it was more of a toss than a throw. Pleaaaase my back is already killing me and I don’t want to lean over.” 

He sighed before kneeling down to help pull your shoes on, “You are so lucky I love you. Last time you threw something at me it ended up a little differently.” 

You blushed as you remembered all those months ago and the snowball that started it all. “Hey but if I hadn't thrown that snowball who knows if we’d be here now.”

He simply shrugged as he stood up, “Maybe not exactly here, you know in a new house with a dog and expecting a kid, but I think we’d be together.” He smiled at you, “We’re both too stubborn to have waited much longer.” 

You smiled back at him and ran a lazy hand over your stomach, “I just hope she doesn't inherit that. Last thing we need is a hard headed female Bakugo.” 

He squinted, “Oi, it could still be a boy!” 

“Well I guess we’ll find out today won't we?”

He kissed you're forehead, “Yes we will. I’ll pick you up after school and we’ll go together alright?” 

You hummed in response already feeling the anxiety of the day start to bubble up. First day as a teacher, finding out the gender of your baby, it was going to be an eventful day. 

You hooked Zuko up to his leash and locked the door behind you. It was the only special request that Katsuki had made. You’re close enough to UA to walk but you had to take Zuko with you. The doctor said that walking was great exercise and you intended to stick to it as long as you could. 

The walk probably took you no longer than twenty minutes and before you knew it you were at your desk staring into the faces of a bunch of scared first years. Zuko was minding his business laying in a dog bed next to your desk. You could see a few students cut their eyes to him every so often almost like they were waiting for him to do something. 

“Good morning class! I am Miss. Y/L/N. Some of you may know me as Adsum. I am going to be your teacher for this semester. This here is my dog Zuko. He goes everywhere I go. He’s not mean but I also wouldn't try to sneak up on him. He’s a friendly dog but he's also been trained by Ground Zero himself. Do you have any questions for me before we get started with orientation?” 

Everyones hands shot straight up, “Let me rephrase that.. Any questions that are school related and have nothing to do with my personal life.” And just like that all the hands went down. “Great well let’s get started then shall we.” 

You couldn’t help but feel right at home as you were teaching. It was almost like this was what you were meant to do. You still loved and missed hero work dearly but you felt like a natural when it came to teaching. Plenty of the teachers here still did hero work on the side, maybe you could too after the baby was born. 

You’d like to think you made a good impression on the students. Most of them seemed to like you. There was one boy though who sat in the back and liked to challenge everything you said. His name was Yuuto and he had an attitude but it wasn’t anything you couldn't crack. He was very mild in comparison to how Katsuki was at his age. 

Your first day went by in a blur and now you were waiting outside the front of the school with Zuko making small talk with Aizawa when Bakugo pulled up in an SUV you didn’t recognize. As soon as he stepped out of the car kids started swarming to him, “Oi! Fuck out of the way would you?” 

You rolled your eyes and bid farewell to Aizawa as you went to save your boyfriend, “Everyone back up unless you want detention!” Your students immediately took a step back making room for you, all but one. The one troublesome boy from the back of the class, Yuuto. He didn't budge. He stood there with his hands in his pockets staring down Katsuki. That was not a good idea by any means because Katsuki automatically assumed this kid was sizing him up and being the over protective alpha male he was he wasn’t having any of that. 

“Oi! You! Runt with his hands in his pockets come here!” Yuuto strolled over to Katsuki maintaining eye contact the whole time, “You got a problem with me kid?” 

Yuuto was silent for a few moments before he sharply bowed, “Not at all sir, I just wanted to personally let you know that I will be keeping a close eye out for your wife while she is my teacher to make sure that no harm comes to her sir.” 

You thought Katsuki would be irritated that this kid just called you his wife but instead he just smirked, “I’m pretty sure she could kick your ass but I like the enthusiasm. You got a name?”

“Yes sir. Yuuto sir.”

“Yuuto huh? Well Yuuto you can be my official point of contact how about that?” 

His eyes lit up with pride, “Of course sir. Thank you sir.” 

Aizawa strolled over to you, “That went better than expected. Bakugo has grown so much in the past year alone. He’s turning into a more patient and level headed version of his already passionate self.” 

You smiled, “He really is something special. Yuuto proved to be a bit difficult in class today but I’m glad to see he has good intentions” 

Aizawa chuckled, “Just so you know Yuuto is UA’s first student with Autism. He’s very bright and very determined. His quirk is tactical processing. He can analyze any situation and figure out a way to win. It’s very impressive, he’s almost like a human computer. His memory is amazing as well. He can recall exact words or scenarios from things that happened years ago. I think given enough guidance he could be one of the big three someday. You're lucky to have him in your class.” 

It made sense now. Yuuto didn't have an attitude at all. He just lacked the same social cohesion that his fellow classmates had. You smiled at him as you walked over to your boyfriend who was now holding the car door open for you. “Thank you Yuuto, you know I’m not his wife yet but I too like your enthusiasm.” 

Katsuki rolled his eyes, “Just get in the car women we’re going to be late!”

You giggled and hopped into the passenger seat. Taking a look around, it looked to be brand new. Katsuki was now in the driver seat and speeding off. “Is this a rental or....?” 

He took your hand in his without taking his eyes off the road, “Huh? Oh! The Car! I almost forgot... Surprise! Y/n meet your new mommy mobile. I didn't think you’d want a mini van and I’m not ready to trade in my two seater yet so here we are, now a two car family.” 

“OH MY GOD! BABY! YOU DIDNT!” 

He gave you a weird look, “Y/n don’t look so surprised we’ve literally been talking about this for weeks. It’s not like we couldn't afford it, and with the baby coming we needed a new car.” 

“Yeah but it’s like NEW new! I was expecting like a newish car you know?” 

“Eh” He waved it off, “I totally didn't get you anything for your birthday so consider this a late present..” 

You brought his hand up and gave it a quick kiss, “Thank you. And thank you for being nice to Yuuto earlier. He means well.”

He put his hand on you thigh, “Yeah, I could tell he was just trying to be helpful. In a weird way he kind of reminded me of Deku and it felt like a good opportunity to try and make up for the years I was a dick to him.” 

*****

You were laying on the table getting freezing cold gel smeared onto your belly. Bakugo was sitting next to you hand squeezing yours as his knee bounced up and down. “I just know it’s going to be a boy.” 

“Oh yeah? Well I just know it’s going to be a girl” 

The ultra sound technician just laughed at us. “Well at this time I am able to determine the gender and I’m assuming you would both like to know?” 

In unison you both yelled yes. 

She smiled at you, “Alright well congratulations! You’re going to have a baby boy!” 

Katsuki jumped up and started running around the room! “YES! I KNEW IT!” You smiled at your silly boyfriend. Sure you may have guessed wrong but you didn't care. You were going to have a sweet little mini Katsuki and you couldn’t be happier. 

his celebration was cut short when the ultrasound machine made a weird noise started and the screen started to go black. You froze and clamped your hand down on Bakugo’s, “What was that?” 

The technician gave the machine a perplexed look. I dont know. That’s odd. The machine malfunctioned. Its a new machine it shouldn't be having any problems.” She shrugged, “I guess I’ll just have to turn it in to IT and see if they can fix it.” 

But that wasnt the last time that happened to you. Every time you went in for a check up after that the ultrasound machine would malfunction. It was really freaking you out and Katsuki was about to have a fit. “WHAT KIND OF FUCKING HOSPITAL DOSENT HAVE MACHINES THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING WORK!”

The nurse had to remind him that you were in the maternity ward and that yelling could be stressful for the other mothers. But of course that didn't stop his rampage. 

Finally a doctor pulled you into his office to try and put your worries to rest. “So I checked into the ultrasound footage for your past three check ups. And it seems the ultrasound machine is always fine but it always cuts out exactly six and a half minutes in. Your technician brings them to our IT department and they can never find anything wrong with the machines.” 

Bakugo gave him an incredulous look, “Well something isn't right, and unless you figure it out we’ll be finding another hospital. This is fucking ridiculous.”

“Rest assured I believe I know what the problem may be. The fact the machines work for everyone else except you and it always cuts out after six and a half minutes... well thats a pattern and it leads me to believe that your child, while still being in the womb, may be showing signs of some kind of quirk. It is very rare but it does happen from time to time. Kids are starting to develop quirks younger and younger every year. If this is the case it’s likely their quirk will be very strong by the time they reach maturity. You’ll likely have your hands full.” 

Your heart was racing. Your little baby was developing a quirk early? What if he blew you up.. fuck what if he teleported out of you and.... “No!” 

Both the doctor and Bakugo’s snapped to you with worry. “I don’t want him to develop early! What if he hurts himself?” 

You were shaking now and Bakugo was pulling you into his chest. His eyes narrowed at the doctor, “Is that possible? Could something happen to him?”

The doctor took a deep sigh, “Well I dont like making promises but from what I can tell whatever the child’s quirk may be it doesn't seem destructive. Its somehow messing with the machines so I would say its more psychologically based. Something he can control with his mind, even if he doesn't realize he's doing it right now.” 

Bakugo blinked a few times, “.... well that’s just badass...” 

************************************

So my sister and my nephew just moved in with us and my nephew has autism. Hes 8 and he was bullied so bad in school he tried to commit suicide. He’s doing better now and has developed a love for super heros. He and I love to watch anything super hero related together. He’s a tad too young for MHA right now but he honestly does remind me of Midoriya sometimes. He asked me the other day why there was no super heros like him and it made me kind of sad. The character Yuuto is lightly based off of him. Everyone deserves the right to be a hero.

[augustheart]

1, 9, 15, 20 for the writing ask meme!

This time around all of these are for fics by the way.

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Like I said in the last ask at any given time I have a stupidly high number of projects I’m working on but I will take this time to talk about the ridiculously long one I’m putting most of my energy toward now! (The tab is open right now and it is taunting me with that “last updated yesterday at [...]” notification and its 32,427 word wordcount.)

I won’t say exactly what it’s about even though it’s not that hard to figure out and several people already know exact details but progress is generally pretty good! Not the fastest I’ve ever written because I write in fits and starts but it’s going pretty good! (Just jinxed it though for sure.) I’m working on chapter five of a planned ten, and I really hope I don’t overshoot that by accident. It’s fun! It’s definitely more like the things I used to write when it comes to like... the actual angst/“whump” part because there’s a lot of that here, and I’m very really mean to readers with a couple of these cliffhangers. Chapter two and chapter four are especially rude, sorry.

I love all of it. I love that I get to write about people overcoming hardship and coming together and also beating the shit out of people who hurt their loved ones. I genuinely love what I’m writing now and I think it’s probably one of my best works and I’m glad that I decided to write it all out in advance before posting it because I feel like that gives me time to really perfect it. It also makes it easier to go back and seed plot elements through the prewritten chapters, which is helpful because I keep forgetting about a character and going back to make sure that they get to be there because they’re, y’know, the main protagonist of the show. (Don’t worry there is still a character arc and a story she has, it just gets lost in the shuffle a little because there are like... six storylines going on at once that need to intersect. I think six, anyway. There are a lot. Jeez, I think it may be closer to seven, counting the villains...)

Anyway please [Eric Andre “let me in” voice] show me support when I finally post it because I imagine the fandom will be relatively in brumation when I finally do all things considered. 

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

I refuse to write really short things, it has to be at least 1,000 words for some reason, but I do both! I prefer my longfics, I think they give me more time to write plot and flesh out characters, but I’ve found that a good median wordcount for me is...like...6,000 words? That’s usually what I fall on when I limit myself to something under 10,000 that has the potential for more than just 1-2,000 words. But I do like to read and write both! As evidenced by some of my current projects shaping up to be over 50,000 words at least if they haven’t already left that count in the dust by now (hi, Half Light, you stupidly long son of a bitch). 

And I am the hellish combination of both! I usually know at least how I want it to end, but the entire journey from A to B is a complete mystery to me. Sometimes I’ll have elements I want to incorporate or characters I want to include and I’ll plan for them but I will never, ever write down my outline. The only time I write down outlines it’s when I need to know the concrete timeline for something that’s set in the past or is taking major divergent choices or both (i.e., I made a timeline outline for Heartless leading up to when Eric approaches Dorothy, a timeline outline for Two of Spades when I eventually actually work on that, a timeline outline for what I nicknamed the “I’m no longer baby I want power AU,” etc). Literally every other time I am absolutely flying by the seat of my pants. I don’t know what I’d do without Hedgi who helps me plot at least half the things I write (at least for the fandoms she’s also in), usually after I try to write them and immediately get stuck like a puppy who tried to jump into a lake and found out the shoreline was actually just a bog.

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Oh, it really depends. I’m alright at nailing tags down, unless there are categories I want to use that don’t already have a set tag, but sometimes when I think of the concept for a fic it comes ready-made with a summary and I don’t have to think about that at all, or I’m directly inspired by a phrase/lyric/etc and I can just use that for the title and spend hours deliberating on a summary. Luckily for the project I’m working on now the conceit can just be the summary, and the title took a tiny bit of research but I knew what I wanted the bare bones to be and I just needed the actual names/terms. I do think in general, though, summaries are a smidge harder than titles for me. 

12. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

I really, really want to answer this one to talk about the different hidden references, relationship development, and foreshadowing that I baked into damn near every level of the big project I’ve been talking about because it’s in literally everything right down to the chapter titles (and there’s a hint to pay attention to them when you read, especially once we get to chapters 6-10, which I am extremely pumped to write), but I also really don’t want to spoil anything, so... time to be as numbingly vague as possible, I guess.

I’m foreshadowing that a character will develop powers by the final act, of course, but I’m also foreshadowing that a different character will not only develop them but use them to basically save the life of another character--and related to that, there is intense foreshadowing of a character using certain things to save someone else’s life at around the same time, which is not subtle at all if you know what you’re looking for (mainly because I slipped it into plain sight) but is part of some nice red herrings if I do say so myself. It also really makes me laugh that I decided to do some, um, “homophobia-shadowing,” where I just... imply that a character is homophobic. I dunno why I just think that’s a funny thing to do even if it has real repercussions for certain characters later. 

There’s some character development mixed that I’m really excited for because it allows a character to go in a completely different direction than they do in canon but in a way that I think still feels really right for them. This happens a couple times, actually, but this one in particular is something I knew had to happen the second I realized how to tie this plot thread back into everything else. I think it’s exactly what the character could’ve needed if this had gone down and I’m really excited to write it. The other character should’ve just been allowed to do this in canon because I think it would’ve fucking ruled.

Also, in everything I write that’s comics-based, whether it’s fic for the comic directly or for a show/movie using comics as source material, everything is a reference. That number code? That could be anything from the first time someone appeared in a comic mixed with the publishing date of the comic itself (i.e. if someone appeared for the first time in 1964 but the comic began publishing in 1959 I’ll use 6459 or 5964) to the creator’s date of birth. I think that I use famous writers of the character/potential creators of the character as street names or last names or aliases whenever I need to bring them up is a lot more obvious. Same with how I use writer/artist initials as “random letters” if I think a code would realistically have one mixed in--I just checked a document for an example of this and found “ADBP5519MWGK6419.”

I also reuse direct lines of dialogue if I think they fit the situation--for example, in Butterfly Effect I lifted the “World War I chic” line directly from Giffen’s Doom Patrol run, which I mentioned in the author’s note, and there’s dialogue in my current big project that’s a direct reference to/play on the “I wish you’d died instead of Mom” line in the JSA Infinite Crisis tie-in (Johns is a fuckin’ hack for that one though and it made no sense for what he used it for, a better line would’ve been “I bet you wish I’d died instead of Mom,” but we don’t have time for that), and I’ll probably directly reference dialogue from JSA/JSA at some point in chapter nine or chapter ten. (Think really hard about how that arc opens if it’s one you’re familiar with, lmao, and remember--there’s no time travel to undo things here!) 

[takaraphoenix]

4 and 49 for the writing asks.

Thank you, dear! ^^

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals?

Well, I always watch TV while writing. I can’t just... only do one thing, so watching TV while writing is an important habit of mine. And I guess my seating, because I do have my beloved writing chair - though I also write on the couch or during class occasionally.

I guess a habit of mine is how orderly things are when I write? Like, deciding beforehand what characters will go into this plot and what ships, putting together my fanfiction header, writing my fics in a way that they are an exact page number...?

49. What do you find the hardest to write in a story, the beginning, the middle or the end?

The eeend. I mean, the beginning is pretty easy. I literally just write the first thing that comes to my mind for the plot and that does for the opening. The middle is always the juicy part, the meat I look forward to writing the most. But the ending? It’s why my fics all have an exact page number. 3, 5, 7, 9, 10, 12, 15, 20, 25. It’s always one of those. Usually, I can tell when I have the idea for the first time that it’ll be say around 10 pages in length; got enough experience as a writer to know how long it takes to write a certain storyline. But this way, I know... I know when to end it because I just... genuinely never know how people decide “this is where the story stops”, so I determine that by length. “Ah, I am at page 9 and the thing I wanted to say was said so let’s finish this page up and be done”, you know? Because sure, something has a certain plot that gets wrapped up, but you don’t just end directly after the climax; how much longer should it go on? That’s the hardest question for me. :D”

Writer Ask Game

[lyrium-lavellan]

OC Interview

Thanks to @badpriestessofbuttsburgh for tagging me! Anyone who wants to do this is welcome to it! I’ll tag @bakedsweetroll @zeesqueere @lavelland 🌺

1. What’s your name?

Velahris Lavellan, though most people just call me Vel.

2. Do you know why you are named that?

My name had a special meaning to my parents. Something like “Endless song”, though that’s a very rough translation.

3. Are you single or taken?

[soft, knowing chuckle] Isn’t it obvious? Maybe Varric doesn’t tell everyone... Taken. If you want more details, ask the dwarf.

4. Have any abilities or powers?

I guess suppressing my magic for years counts. Also, I have a stronger connection to the Fade than most. I suppose I always have, though with the Anchor it’s far more intense.

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

Huh? What’s that?

6. What’s your eye color?

Blue. Varric always says they’re “blue as a lyrium vein”. [longing sigh] So romantic.

7. How about your hair color?

Well, it’s... Red. Auburn, I guess? I’ve never really thought much about the exact shade.

8. Have any family members?

My parents and two brothers, one older and one younger. Silvhen and Ethelan. My parents and older brother are Grey Wardens, and my little brother was a Circle mage.

9. Oh? How about any pets?

I have two cats! Paragon and Warden. Cole found a cat at Skyhold who had a litter, and we cared for the kittens together. I couldn’t bear to part with those two, so I kept them. They’re spoiled rotten, the sweet things.

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now tell me something you don’t like. 

Cassandra’s lectures. She means well, but well... It’s a bit much sometimes. I’m an adult - I can make my own decisions well enough without her interference.

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

I cook! Sometimes I’ll embroider, or any number of things really. What I like best though is a good ride through the forest on horseback. Or, halla-back. Either way, it’s so refreshing!

12. Have you hurt anyone in any way before?

I... Suppose I have. Hasn’t everyone?

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

Yes.

14. What kind of animal are you?

I suppose if I had to choose, a Halla. They’re so graceful!

15. Name your worst habits?

I... tend to cry. I’m quite emotional, unfortunately [giggles]. I also have a bit of a sweet tooth...

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

I look up to so many people. My soldiers, my advisors, my Inner Circle... I couldn’t list all of them. But... I suppose I’ll have to try, won’t I?

Solas’ mind is fascinating. His knowledge and wisdom has never failed me, and I always seek his counsel on decisions I have to make. He’s like a father to me.

Blackwall... I admire him so much. His determination, his quest for justice. He reminds me of ‘Vhen, actually. It’s... comforting.

Then there’s Josephine. She’s always polite and sweet, but never too much. She’s still genuine. I appreciate it more than words could say.

And Varric, he’s... So full of kindness. He brings light and laughter into my life, and I don’t know what I’d do without him. I... I love him very much.

[Varric, from across the room] “I heard that, Clover!”

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

Bisexual. Though, I haven’t had many relationships with men.

18. Do you go to school?

No. Whatever I know, I taught it to myself. Magic, reading and writing, ancient elvhen. Although my Keeper did teach me a few things.

19. Ever want to marry and have any kids one day?

I’d like that very much. I’ve always wanted a family, but, well... I’m not sure if it’s even possible for an elf and a dwarf to...

[Varric, chuckling] “Oh, it’s possible, sweetheart. Just unlikely.”

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

I definitely have a few admirers at the Orlesian court. They send me jewels and gowns from time to time, along with fan letters. It’s flattering, if I’m honest. For Orlesian nobles to even tolerate an elf in a position of power, let alone like me...

21. What are you most afraid of?

Failure. I’m afraid I’ll misstep and everything will come crashing down around me. I can’t let my people down. But... I won’t.

22. What do you usually wear?

I’m partial to loose fitting blouses and leather trousers, but I’ll wear pretty much anything as long as it’s not a hat. They never sit right on my ears... For more formal occasions I’ll opt for robes or a gown, usually in blue or red silk. Dorian’s assured me that red is my color, but I think Varric and Hawke put him up to it just so I’d match with them.

[Hawke, from the bar] “Now, that’s no fair! You look ravishing in red, your inquisitorialness!”

23. What one food tempts you?

Maker, those little frilly cakes they had at Halamshiral I must have had fifty seven before Josephine pulled me away from the dessert table. I don’t regret it, but since then I’ve had a few extra pounds packed on my backside that I can’t seem to shed.

[Varric, winking from across the table] “Hey, I’m not complaining.”

24. Am I annoying you?

Of course not!

25. Well, it’s still not over!

Good, I’ve only just got started!

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

Well, I’m Dalish, so I don’t really know where that fits in your human hierarchy. Though I suppose now, since I’m Inquisitor, that’s bumped me up in standing a little.

27. How many friends do you have?

I have quite a few people I’m lucky to call my friends.

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

All types of pie are delicious and wonderful!

29. Favourite drink?

Fresh, warm halla milk. It’s so creamy... [stomach growl] Fen’harel’s teeth, this is making me hungry...

30. What’s your favourite place?

Wherever my dear dwarf is.

[Varric, sarcastically] “Oh, how romantic. I’ll have to make my way into a sewer next!”

Shush! But I suppose it’s my family tree. It’s just outside of Starkhaven. I remember going there with my Keeper when I was young, when Ethelan carved his name into the bark. It holds so many stories... I hope to take my children there someday.

31. Are you interested in anyone?

[Varric] “Of course she is! I’m very interesting.”

32. That was a stupid question…

Suppose so. Now, let’s move on!

33. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

Either one! Though, lakes remind me more of my childhood. Dalish tend to frolic, and lakes are good for that.

34. What’s your type?

I don’t think I really have a type. I just... love who I love. But I seem to have a thing for kind people.

35. Any fetishes?

[spit take] What? I... erm...

[Varric, leaning over] “That’s for me to know, and you to never find out.”

36. Camping indoors or outdoors?

Outdoors! The smell of the forest, the wind in the trees, sleeping under the stars... [sigh] There’s nothing like it!

[pjstafford]

Precious Time

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”  A tale of Two Cities Charles Dickens

 I have been posting blogs every Thursday as a way to mark the passage of time of each week  since I started working remotely and going out only for essential needs.  I think many of us our redefining our relationship with time.   So I have been thinking of the quote from Charles Dickens from A Tale of Two Cities

The passing of time is a scientific, incontrovertible fact.  The sun rises and it sets and there is a day. The moon rises and it sets and there is a night.  Winter turns to Spring and then to Summer and then to Fall.  When it repeats a year has slipped away.  Time is, also, a social construct.  We say 9-5 Monday through Friday is a typical work day and there might be some logic to that, but there might be logic to 7-5 four days a week as well. We have Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, but some cultures add a tea or late supper. A midnight shift worker still gets lunch –even though his lunch is at 3 a.m. we don’t call it breakfast in the middle of the work shift.  The lunch hour is a social construct of a work life.  We mark our seasons and plan our celebrations based on Holidays that cross countries like Easter or Passover and that don’t Thanksgiving or the Fourth of July.  Those are societal or cultural norms that we put in place to structure our time.  

In this, the Spring of 2020, time has simultaneously sped up and slowed day and our social construct of time means next to nothing at all – even as we are in the midst of what is commonly called “Holy Week.”  

I mark the time on Thursdays –

             Thursday March 5th was my birthday.  A friend and I went to a restaurant for dinner.  There were ten deaths in the country from the disease.  I worried if my trio to DC in two weeks would be canceled.  

             Thursday March 12 with the first confirmed case in New Mexico and the governor taking swift action I conversed with my boss about what swift action our agency would take to follow the governor’s lead and then I proceeded out of town to a work related trip that would last the week-end.

             Thursday March 19 I woke up with my first day to work remotely and socially distance except for essentials.  I wrote my first quarantine blog.

             Every Thursday since…

             And now its Thursday April 9 and 14, 000 across the country have died.  

 It’s happened all so fast! And time is so precious.  There are steps we can take to reduce the deaths but we started so late.  We must today do whatever we can to get more beds, more ventilators, more health care professionals and more tests.  Time is scarce and  there is an urgent need to get something done!  

But that is not my role in this crisis.  I am a non-essential employee.  My role is to socially distance.  And suddenly the social constructs of time looks different. Not just for me but for millions.  I hear people talk about the days running together and is it ok to have a beer at 3 in the afternoon when they woke up at 4 a.m. and plan on sleeping soon.  For me, I have actual work.  I am amazed by how many phone conferencing, time specific duties I have during this time of social distancing.  It sets some structure to my days.  As I blog last week, I have discovered I have to work at maintaining some structure of a week-end, but I have more time during the week.    I do not get up and get dress and commute to work and then commute back.  I mean I do get up and dress, but it looks far different. There are hours “saved” there and I eat when I want at home because I am in front of a computer, or listening to a webinar or a press conference and that social construct of lunch time might become a shower, or a walk, or a X-Files break. Do you know how many X-files episodes are about the threat of global contagion?  I digress.  I digress a lot these days.  My first blog was about everything I was going to do with this time, but if King Lear was written during a quarantine, my next novel is likely not to be.

It is, well, the worst of times for sure!  It can, also, be the best of times for some of us if we let it.  Last Friday was a great day!  Well, the New Mexico order for stay at home was extended and the governor announced the numbers the models show might die which were shocking and we found out specifically how many ventilators we were likely to come up short on.  And our President!  But a nurse friend from New Jersey who had been exposed without proper equipment tested negative and it was a joyous day.  I had a social media concert watch party about 5 on a Friday and it was like an actual Thank God its Friday party and that was so special.  It was the worst of and the not so bad of a day.  

The Dickens quote from a Tale of Two Cities!  We are all on the global planet going through the exact same pandemic, but in many ways we are going through it very differently, aren’t we?

There are the tales of the medical professionals, god bless them. My guess is time never feels slowed down for them.  

There are the tales of the unexpected heroes of grocery store employees, truck drivers, trash collectors, postal men, all who are not in fact staying at home because they are essential and the work they are doing cannot be done remotely.  

There are the tales I know the best of those who are staying at home, but that looks different for different people.  I live alone. I like solitude.  I enjoy working from home.   There are parents trying to continue education for their younger children while working full time jobs.  There are twenty somethings who social lives mean more to them.  There are persons who routine was to see their elderly parent in the nursing home every Thursday.  I guess in some ways they are just different chapters of the same novel.

There are economic inequities.  If you are having symptoms simply isolate into the basement or a single floor in your three story house.  Or, if you have a single story three bedroom house, the kids may have to share a room when daddy has symptoms.  Well, that looks a little different.  If you live with your spouse and your two toddlers in a one bedroom or studio apartments, social distancing is not possible.    Or if you are homeless and living in a shelter.  Or if, or if or if.  Decontaminate by immediately washing your clothes- because we all own washer and dryers don’t we?  

And if you live in an abusive relationship and you are now alone with the person the entire time.  The stressors are worse and….There are moments of hell happening across the global planet in the pandemic.  Some has to do with the loss of lives.  Some has to do  specifically with social distancing.  

But I also think that this is actually the reality of everyday life. The pandemic only exasperates existing problems.  .  While I sympathize and empathize with every single person going through hell, I cannot live it for them anymore than I can for all the homeless I regularly see on the street during normal times.  Life and death, also, happen every day.  The probabilities are high we will be effected in this time and I am not downplaying it and I don’t want to normalize it, but I do want to say there are some daily life lessons we could remember for when this is over – to love the ones we love, to know that everything can change in a second. The fact of life and death is not created in this time, but we are experiencing it differently now.  As we experience the intensity of this time, we should use it to reestablish a relationship with time that is focused on the preciousness of that time.  

I am struggling with sleep, worry and fear even if I enjoy the solitude.  I cannot put on music and dance.  It is a joyous activity and I feel little joy.  But is my not dancing causing fewer people to die?   Call  me Pollyanna but I still am hoping that, for some of us, we can find the best of times in this time.  

Most of our life we do not have enough of time .  I want to get to a place for myself and I hope others can too where they can experience the time in a peaceful and precious way.    I’m not there.  I want to be.

I think of a woman I know who bakes everyday with her kids as part of their lessons- great for math and science.   She bakes in the afternoon and the bake goods of the day are ready to eat around the 3:30 – 4:00 framework which is the time the kids were used to coming home and having a snack.  20 years from now those kids might think of this time as the time their mother spent teaching them to bake.  That doesn’t mean all the other people experiencing hell are not still experiencing hell  but not baking with her kids isn’t going to solve the world’s problems right now either.  It’s ok to have a project to finish.  It’s, also, ok not to and to spend more time enjoying your spouse or your kids or your parents or siblings if you live with them.  Watch t.v., play a game, converse.  

I feel very much alone in my isolation.  I want to believe that those people who have this time with their families are embracing it and embracing them.  And so why don’t I write that psychological thriller I’ve been saying I want to work on now for two years?  I don’t know.  I’m not learning a new language as I started with downtime in January and February. As much as I said in that first blog I had plans, boy, and looking forward to the time….I throw up my hands in the air exasperated at myself.  Maybe I needed to process a little what the world was going through and how I felt about my non-essential role.  Maybe I needed to give myself permission to feel the pain.  Maybe now, I write this blog as a way of giving myself permission to look again at this time as precious- because I do not know when I will have this much of it again, because all time is precious, because tomorrow I might die.  

 It is the worst of times, ok!  It is still precious time.  This Saturday night I am participating in a virtual rock concert video watch with some friends.  Can’t remember the last time I went out dancing on a Saturday night!  Maybe it is ok to put on music and dance. I give myself permission to be joyous. I have the time.  

[lizziehatter]

Every revealed quote from CTD and the Thomas Novella

Since I cannot wait for the release of both of these and I am going through a Cressworth withdrawal (pls Kerri release this novella soon I beg), I put together all the quotes I know of. PLEASE CRESSWORTHIANS OBSESS OVER THEM WITH ME, I BEG YOU, BECAUSE I TRULY CAN’T WAIT UNTIL SEPTEMBER. Send me asks saying which ones are your favourites, making theories of what the quotes could mean or just freaking out over Cressworth being together in the bath honestly, I’m game for anything.

I - Thomas Novella

1) The opening quote: “The prince of darkness is a gentleman.” (King Lear, Act 3, Scene 4). Not really from Kerri’s writing (hello Shakespeare) but still counts right? 

2) "Blood spilled over my hands in warm, rhythmic torrents. For one drawn out moment, I was frozen, then my world narrowed to an equation. Sterile. Familiar. Calm. The exact opposite of my surroundings." 

3) “I longed to touch her. First her mind, then her heart, and, finally, her body. I wished to own every inch of space between us and fill it with each emotion I’d ever suppressed or pretended away. I wanted to strip my soul bare for only her to see, and then do the same with my clothing, giving her everything I had of me. Scars and all.”

4) “I thought of numerators and denominators and the incalculable way my heart raced as she slowly licked her lips as if she’d deduced the heat blazing through me, destroying my resolve to set her free.”

5)     “Thomas?” she asked, her eyes stubbornly fixed on my mouth. I was finding it hard to think, to breath. She wasn’t aware of it, but when she gave something her attention, the force of it was overwhelming. “Why are you sneaking about this early?” 

         To find salvation from my demons. To stop pacing inside the cage of my room and the fears that threatened to be my undoing. To feel the stinging prickle of snow on my face and forget there wasn’t a cure for my current condition. Her gaze was a palpable caress as she slowly shifted it downward, igniting a deep male need I was startled by. 

         “I’m not sneaking, I’m prowling, Wadsworth.” I gave her a lazy grin. It was an effort to keep my tone casual, to stop myself from trying to kindle her desire too. Though, judging from the longing in her expression, perhaps she’d fanned the flames on her own. “Why are you sneaking about?”

6) “I will not become a monster for you.” 

II - Capturing the Devil

PART 1 - QUOTES FROM THE CHAPTER SAMPLER (the sampler will be revealed at events that Kerri will attend). The sampler is probably 40 pages long, based on what Kerri said on twitter. Each quote follows the number of which page they are from. 

1) “Instead of being terrified of her imminent death and thinking only of darkness, my mother wrote us letters. She wouldn’t survive to see either of us____________" (Somewhere near page 4)

2) “Oh, Thomas. Are you all right?” A single tear slipped down his cheek as he nodded. (Page 4)

3) “A faint image bled through the fabric. I leaned in. “What is that?” He glanced down as if he hadn’t a clue, then shrugged”. (Page 7)

4) “There was a sadness in its face that made me wonder if it was truly an angel. Perhaps it was one of the fallen.” (Page 14)

5) “Do you honestly expect me to address that creature that way? Where did you even find it?” (Page 15)

6) “I thought the gift of my presence was your one true wish,” I said blandly. (page 16)

7) Once they’d left, Liza tapped the image in the magazine again. “Well?” (Page 28)

8) “Why are you smiling like that? I’m trying to have a serious moment and you appear as though you either need to use the loo or have inexplicably sat on an anthill in the middle of my room.” (page 35)

9) This excerpt is also a part of the chapter sampler, but not the ones that Kerri shared on twitter, so I don’t know in which page it’s located. Also, she shared this on her insta story, and parts of it were covered by the text that she wrote on top of the image, so this is my best guess on what was written. The () are the parts I couldn’t read.        

      I lost my futile battle with morality. () like a () who’d discovered his hearts’ deepest () claim it immediately. ()ized his respect for me and my () the only tethers holding him in place. One little nod would unleash him.

      My heart raced as I silently gave him permission, wanting him to touch me again so badly it almost ached. Thomas Cresswell never disappointed. He leaned into me, his body snug between my thighs.

      “Your nightgown is nice, but your lace is what attracts and captivates me.” His gaze travelled from mine, meandering down the road of delicate lace, igniting a new wave of desire as he gripped the sheer fabric at my hip. His touch was scorching. I couldn’t stop myself from arching into it, craving more. “Your body…” 

      His fingers lingered on the ribbons. I enjoyed () the garment and how I felt both bold and soft while wearing it. Thomas seemed to appreciate it for other reasons, and he was no longer masking how much he wanted me. I drew in a ragged breath and fought the urge to completely disrobe him. If he kept looking at me that way, I’d lose control.

      “Your spirit…”

      Thomas dragged his attention down every () leaving no part neglected, his breath hitching the lower (). If looks could consume, he’d just devoured me. 10) Now we know this part and the next are from the chapter sampler as well, thanks to the entire chapter (!) that was released with the cover, so I have moved them here.  “I pulled back and his focus shifted to where my bare shoulders met the water. His gaze darkened in a dangerously seductive manner, awakening a sudden need in me.         “At least be a gentleman and turn around.”         His expression hinted that he was far from a gentleman at the moment, and a quick inspection of my face confirmed I liked it. Excitement thrummed through my veins.” 11)       “My aunt will die from the scandal!”                                Thomas brushed a piece of hair from my face, then slowly moved his lips from my jaw to my ear and back, kissing my bare skin until I was convinced we soaked, unhurt, in a pool of fire, and each of my fears and worries of being caught burned away.                

            “Then we ought to be very quiet.”             He lifted me higher and I stared into his eyes, losing myself in the sensation of running my fingers through his damp hair. He looked at me like I was a goddess—like I was fire and magic and spell work combined in human form. I traced a finger down to his collar, teasing the first button open. I suddenly wanted to see more of him, I needed to. 12) The entire (!) Chapter 14 from CTD, which can be found here. PART II – QUOTES FROM THE REST OF THE BOOK

1) “He repeated my name across my skin like an incantation, his tone as reverent as those praising gods.”  

2) “He brushed his thumb over my lower lip, his voice smooth and alluring in the dim light. ‘If the world thinks we’re heading straight to hell, we might as well enjoy the journey there. I’d much rather dance with the devil than sing with angels. Wouldn’t you?’” 

3) “Before we left for the play you seemed to want—“

“—you, Thomas.” I pulled him to me, silencing his smart mouth with a kiss. 

4)  “I crumpled the letter and fed it through the ornate grate covering the fireplace, watching as its edges shifted from black to orange before fulling catching fire. I waited until it had disintegrated to ash before turning way.” 

5) "Except maybe I’d never been born with the devil in me as he'd suggested. Maybe my monster was more vampiric in nature. I did not crave death, I craved blood." 

6)   “If he wished for a taste of my darkness, I hoped he recalled poison could also be sweet. Sweeter than berry wine and more deadly than oleander. This rose welcomed her thorns, perhaps more-so than her petals.”

7) “__isting until my hands were covered in his sins.”

8) “Love is immortal. Death can neither touch nor steal it. Especially when it’s true."

9) “Who are you?” I asked, only half-jesting.

       He stopped walking. “I am the man who will love you unto forever.” 10) “At some point, we’re all someone’s hero and another’s villain.” 11) I leveled a cold look at him.                  “This isn’t a fairytale. I’m not a white knight or some morally incorruptible prince.”        “If you claimed to be either of those, I’d know one thing for certain.”                    “And that would be?”                  “That you’re a villain and a liar. Same as me.” 12)  “there is nothing in this world, no threat mighty enough to keep me from you.”

[linssikeittomies]

The Place Between Here And There - Chapter 9: ...And Happiness In Private Life

Masterpost     AO3 Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7  Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 9(cont’d)

This one is super super short(actually just the first few scenes of the complete chapter) because I just can’t shake the writer’s block on this fic. I’m putting this fic on HIATUS, can’t say for how long, but I would like to finish it someday. Cowriters will always be extremely welcome!

--

It had been a major fuck-up to not press Vanya more about his family life last night. That had been the first time he had volunteered information, without any prodding from Al, and would have kept talking if only Al hadn’t been such an idiot! Yeah, sure, he’d been exhausted and in no condition to analyze whatever would’ve been told, but he could’ve done that later! Now Vanya had come back to his senses, and his lips were sealed tighter than Fort Knox! Uuuggghhh!!! Al frowned into his coffee cup while staring at the wall where Vanya had scribbled his number that first time. Back then Al hadn’t been surprised to get a number, but as time had went on, he came to realize that Vanya wasn’t the type of person who went around sharing his number with just anyone. He was picky about the type of people he socialized with, and honestly, it still kind of baffled Al that he had been one of those Vanya accepted. They couldn’t be more different – as charming as Al was, and he was very charming, he couldn’t really get Vanya. Al simply could not understand why Vanya didn’t want to talk about some things, or why he was content with being a silent participant in a conversation, how he could stand not having friends. His life seemed so profoundly lonely and boring, and he didn’t seem content with it, but he wasn’t willing to change it, either.

Maybe it was all just because of that mental illness he refused to acknowledge. It’s never easy losing your parents, and it sounded like Vanya had been pretty young when it happened. He said they had moved to the States in 1996, so Ivan had been, what, around... Uhm, 2015 minus 1996... that made 19... and now Vanya was 32 so that minus 19... Uhhhhhhh around 12. Close enough, Al had never been good at math. Well, 12 wasn’t that young, didn’t sound to Al like a death in the family would be that traumatizing at that age. Al had been 10 when Artie moved back to England, and it hadn’t fucked him up bad. So it wasn’t the exact same thing, but it had been close. Five years of radio silence from someone who was practically his older brother. That’s basically a death. So maybe it wasn’t just a simple death, maybe there’d been some weird, special circumstances. Could be that Vanya had been a huge mama’s boy. Or maybe it had been an accident he was present at, like a car crash. If it had been that, Al sure was lucky Vanya had survived. Kids are so fragile, they can die from the dumbest things. If he hadn’t survived, or if his mom had, Vanya would’ve never moved to America, and then Al would’ve never met him. Al hated thinking that it was a good thing Vanya’s mom had died, but he couldn’t help it – as infuriating and incomprehensible Vanya was, he really was The One for Al. Despite all their differences, despite all their problems, despite all their fights. Al was again reminded of their first ever fight, the one with rape fetish accusation. Dubois had been killed that same night, and Vanya hadn’t replied to Al’s texts until two days later. If Dubois had been found as quickly as the other bodies, within a couple days instead of ten, Vanya would have been too busy to ever be willing to fix his relationship with a guy he had only been dating a couple weeks, max. Funny how many hurdles they had passed without ever knowing they had existed. If Kyle had gotten to Al first, if Al had followed the street signs better, if Dubois had been found earlier… They were like Romeo and Juliet, destined to be together, star-crossed lovers. If that wouldn’t convince Artie that Vanya was awesome, nothing would! He was into occult crap so he must’ve believed in fate, too. Come to think of it, what if Vanya had met Dubois instead of Al that night? He did say they were very similar, he might have fallen in love with Dubois, as well. Al liked to think that he was a special case, that Dubois wouldn’t have been as invested and smitten with Vanya as Al had been from the get-go, but who’s to say he couldn’t have held Vanya’s interest just long enough for Al to pass by unnoticed? Or what if BK had chosen to kill Al instead of Dubois? If they really were that similar to an outside eye, it wouldn’t have mattered which one died. Al was lucky he had been too pissed off to even think about going out that night, or it might have been him strangled and castrated. He wouldn’t have put it past himself to pick up some random guy and agree to an alley fuck. Maybe Dubois had had a fight with his boyfriend, too. Maybe he hadn’t been past having revenge sex. Maybe he had liked rough sex. Maybe he wouldn’t have been scared by Vanya’s violent fucking. Maybe Vanya would have run into him and pounded him into blissful goo. Maybe Vanya would have liked imagining he was beating Al. Sliding doors, like Al had said about Kyle. In one continuity, Al was dating Vanya and Dubois was killed – in another, Al was killed and Dubois was dating Vanya – and in a third, Al had a one-night stand with Kyle, Vanya had no one to pull him out of depression, and Dubois was dead.

~¨:.:¨~

Ivan entered the office with three coffees in hand – two blacks and one with milk. This was the easiest Toris-like behavior to replicate, and would likely raise the least questions since it also benefited himself. He made sure to let Amanda see him set his own coffee down on the desk before giving hers, and she wasn’t weirded out. That was a relief. “Good morning”, Ivan said, without smiling, because that would have been pushing it. Amanda nodded in acknowledgment and took a sip of her coffee, then said a simple “thanks” before opening her computer. When Toris came in, she smiled to him and greeted him cheerfully. After she turned back to her computer, and wouldn’t see Ivan’s face, he also smiled slightly as he nodded his greeting to Toris. That day, Ivan concentrated on trying to replicate the smiles Toris often employed – the ones that didn’t express happiness, but were rather meant to ease to atmosphere. He made it look easy – it came out naturally, at the right time, and did what it sought out to do. Ivan only knew how to do sarcastic smiles, and by the end of the day Amanda was almost angry enough at him to actually say something to his face instead of muttering quietly to herself. Exhausted from the mental work, Ivan didn’t even bother getting out of his coat before collapsing face first on the sofa. “Rough day, huh?” Fredya chuckled. Ivan made a grunt, and Fredya crouched down to see his face. “I know what’ll cheer you right up – some quality cuddles and a good movie!” Ivan was too tired to correct him, and so let Fredya take off his boots and peel off his coat. He nearly refused the cuddles, but surprisingly found that he didn’t mind them much, after all. He still would have preferred a nap alone in bed, without explosions and dramatic bass going off every five seconds and Fredya’s elbow digging into his stomach. Somehow he still managed to fall asleep for a few minutes, not enough to feel rested, but much calmer than before. They heated up leftovers from yesterday, moved back to the sofa where Fredya picked out a new action movie without even finishing the first one, and Ivan took out his notebook to arrange his thoughts. About an hour passed, with Fredya saying whatever came to his mind and Ivan replying with a short comment every now and then, peacefully, until Ivan’s phone rang. That was starting to happen abnormally often – before he had crossed paths with Fredya, the phone would ring once every couple months, mostly work related. Now Fredya called him every once in a while when he was feeling too lazy to type, and even Katyushka seemed to have been bitten by the call bug. Two calls from her in as many weeks? Ivan hoped she was only calling to borrow some more money. “Excuse me for a moment.” “Work?” Fredya asked, pausing the movie. He still thought Ivan was actually watching that garbage. “No, it’s Katyusha. Unpause that mindless drivel.” Ivan got up from Fredya’s lap, already stressing about what was pressing on Katyushka’s mind. Don’t get him wrong, he loved both his sisters more than anything in the world, but Katyushka barely ever called for anything other than pressing matters, so Ivan had learned to associate calls from her with crying and pressure. “Yes, Katyushka?” “Hey, Vanya. Is this a good time to talk?” Katyushka greeted cheerfully. A weight immediately lifted off Ivan’s shoulders. “Yes, I’m at home. It sounds like something good happened, yes?” “I think so!” she giggled gleefully, sounding like the careless teenager she had never gotten the chance to be. “I was talking with Tasha earlier today and she told me some interesting news!” she sang teasingly. How odd, Ivan had no clue what news from Tasha might warrant a call to Ivan. If it was related to Tasha herself, Katyushka would wait for Tasha to tell the news herself, and there were few other people in their lives to get excited about. Tasha was interested in celebrity gossip, but Katyushka did not share that interest, so it couldn’t be a movie star getting married. “Oh? Pray tell.” “Don’t play coy with me!” Katyushka laughed. So it was news that Ivan should already be aware of. But then why would Katyushka be telling them to Ivan? “If you’re going to make me guess, we’ll be here the rest of the day”, Ivan replied. “You have a boyfriend!” His heart froze over in panic. “What?! No - I mean – Tasha told you that?” He was hardly intelligible, it felt like his tongue had thrown in the towel. “Uh-huh!” she squeed, for once oblivious to his terror, and Ivan could picture her jumping in joy. “She was jealous because you haven’t been spending time with her so she complained to me! Why didn’t you ever tell me?” “I – because – Tasha… Tasha gets jealous very easily, so I did not wish for her to know”, Ivan stuttered, panic setting in, before remembering that Tasha already knew about Fredya. He didn’t need to stay a secret anymore. Ivan was just so used to hiding his relationships from Tasha he did without thinking. “Hey, you could’ve told me! I can keep a secret!” Not from Tasha she couldn’t. Unintentionally or not. “Ooh, I’m so excited, it’s been a long time since you were with anyone! Is he nice? Good-looking? Does he also want kids? Gay or bi? Single or divorced?” Katyushka had always been the one most interested in romance, despite never having dated in her life. Since high school she had kept claiming that she didn’t have the time needed for a solid relationship. While that was true, if only because she would not let herself have the time, Ivan was sure the actual reason was Katyushka being afraid of the apple not falling far from the tree. Her mother and sister sure had trouble picking good men. “You are not giving me any time to answer”, Ivan said, both relieved and nervous. He didn’t mind Katyushka knowing about Fredya, in fact they would get along nicely, but Ivan was worried about her putting ideas into Fredya’s head. Ivan had only ever dated for fun, but each time his older sister had started planning weddings right away, and Ivan didn’t want to scare Fredya away so soon. “Don’t be nervous! I’m really happy for you! You know you’re not getting any younger and it doesn’t help that you’re so shy, plus you’re picky, so all the time I’m worried no one is good enough! So tell me about him!” Katyushka urged. “Well, um, he’s – um, American, he’s a little younger than me. He’s very lively. Please don’t tell Tasha –“  Right, Tasha already knew, as they had established at the very beginning of the call. Talk about conditioned behavior. “His name is Alfred. Do you remember the drunk man who paid our dinner in the Ladle? That’s the man.” “I do!” Katuyshka squealed in exhilaration. “So it’s thanks to me that you guys got together. You were so oblivious to his flirting that I had to give him some tips”, she giggled. “He seemed like a fun guy.” “He is”, Ivan agreed wholeheartedly. “He’s the complete opposite of me. He’s very social, for one.” “I hope he doesn’t drink as much”, Katyushka said, and although her tone wasn’t accusatory at all, Ivan immediately felt guilty. She had known about his drinking problem almost from the start, but wasn’t aware of how bad it had gotten in recent years. “He usually only takes a few beers every now and then. That night was a rare exception”, Ivan assured her. The only other time Fredya had gotten shit-faced was when he had tried challenging Ivan – Fredya learned from his mistakes, even if he liked to pretend otherwise. He always gave off the air of not trying at all, but sometimes you could catch a glimpse of the truth - Fredya did nothing by half-measures, he always did his best because nothing else was good enough for him. Being his best self was so effortless to Fredya, watching him was a joy, no one else could have such spirit. There was a beauty to him – a sincerity. “He’s – Katyushka, he’s amazing. Thank you.” “Vanechka… Oh my god, I’ve never heard you say that about anyone! Aww, that’s so romantic! When are you bringing him to meet us?” “Uh – I don’t think that would be a good idea. Tasha would get jealous.” “Come on, you can’t talk him up like that and then not let me talk to him! He still needs to get the family’s approval! Ask him if he’s free this week, I’ll make time!” She was so excited it would crush her if Ivan didn’t comply. It was still a difficult decision to make - he knew Fredya liked him, but doubtfully to the extent of wanting to meet his family. It would heavily imply a wish for long-term attachment, and Fredya was not the type to settle down. He would run to the hills the second Ivan implied wanting to keep him for life. But Katyushka had asked – Ivan had to do it for her sake, Ivan owed her, and not only for being the catalyst for their relationship. “Alright”, he finally said, and the answer was an overjoyed yippee that sounded wholly inappropriate from a 36-year old. “Let me know when he can make it! Talk to you later!” “Wait, you don’t need to hang up. He’s here.” With his heart thumping painfully, Ivan opened the bedroom door with shaking hands. Fredya was thankfully still concentrated on his idiotic movie so he didn’t notice. “Um, Fredya?” Ivan asked cautiously. “Ya?” he asked distractedly, popping a chip in his mouth, the crackle probably audible even through phone. “Katyusha is on the phone. She has a request.” “Oh, should I leave?” “No, no, it actually has everything to do with you. She would like to meet you sometime this week.” The reaction Fredya had to this invasion of intimacy was very far from the one Ivan had expected. Instead of being weirded out and declining outright, his face lit up in a smile wider than Ivan had ever seen on him. “Are you serious! Of course I’ll meet her!” He was so ecstatic that Ivan was sure he was not aware of the implications. He was afraid Fredya was running headfirst into something he thought was casual friendship. Even so, Ivan was afraid of stating clearly what meeting Katyushka was really about, because even suggesting meeting her implied Ivan wanted to tie Fredya down. He would not be opposed to it, if that was what Fredya wanted, but it would be very presumptuous of him to suggest it himself. “She seems to have a different idea of our relationship than we do, so please disregard whatever she might say about that.” “Chill, dude, I can handle girls. When?” “Vozlyublennaya sestra, pozhaluysta, ne govori nichego o svad'bakh ili detyakh”, Ivan pleaded to the phone, and Katyushka promised she wouldn’t. She had good intentions, but she wasn’t very good at keeping herself in check, rest assured she would forget all about the promise when she saw Fredya in the flesh again. Ivan put the phone on speaker so they could all weigh in. They eventually settled on Wednesday. Katyushka suggested gathering at Ivan’s house, but he was worried it would feel too domestic and final, and suggested a restaurant instead. He would of course pay for Katyushka’s meal, he couldn’t very well force her into paying herself when she was already behind on so many bills.

--

Vozlyublennaya sestra, pozhaluysta, ne govori nichego o svad'bakh ili detyakh.(Возлюбленная сестра, пожалуйста, не говори ничего о свадьбах или детях.) : Beloved sister, please don’t say anything about weddings or children.

Chapter name comes from ...счастья в личной жизни by Alla Pugacheva.

[amarantine-amirite]

Three Worlds, One Problem

Have you ever come across two or more things that seem completely unrelated, but aren't; and it all comes together once you have one more thing that relates them all? The best example I can think of that shows you what I'm getting at is if you have three puzzles pieces that are three different colors: blue, white, and green. They seem like pieces from entirely different puzzles, but they're part of the same puzzle. You don't see it until you have that fourth piece that links the three colors together.

In my lifetime, I've come across three things that seem totally unrelated, but actually are. The first thing is something that happened to me when I was 15 years old. At the time, I attended a school for gifted children that, for some reason, had an unusually high number of students pursue careers in the government, and the school would select a student in sophomore year at random to apply early to Duke as a government major (they weren't kidding; they sent you a pre-filled application and everything). The girl who they picked originally (Jane, her name was? Or maybe Judy?) died, and I agreed to take her place. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, but I was just woefully bad at doing real, actual work. When I was at school, whatever I handed in would be extremely sloppy (if not incomplete) and it didn't matter one bit. They just checked it off as complete anyway.

Once I got to Duke, that wasn't the case anymore. They went over what you wrote with a fine-tooth comb. My first paper for history was about the Civil War, and what I turned in read like the plot of a stupid movie where The Beatles fought against radioactive Viet Cong sharks (no, really, I used the phrase "radioactive Viet Cong sharks" at least eighty times, if not more). I repeatedly never studied for tests, nor did I ever complete a paper before about 12 hours before it was due. I was always doing other things-be it watching YouTube, playing tennis with my roommate Ashlie (while I should've been studying for my history midterm) or writing dumb folk songs about people who wanted to ban bananas because they looked like penises (when I was supposed to be writing my history midterm) or anything else. Not only did I not get any work done, I forgot I even had work to do; to the point where I wound up on academic probation. In fact, I was teetering on getting suspended for my bad grades. I'd never been suspended before, but I'd been warned about it in the past. Never in any of my past experiences had I been warned of suspension as a consequence for half-assing it on my schoolwork, but I (at the time) didn't know that suspension was a legitimate consequence for bad grades in college. And I was very afraid.

Fortunately, I stayed. About 3/4 of the way through my first term, I pulled myself together and started doing my work for real. Gone were the badly written papers that my TA's mistook for B-movie proposals and my habit of missing midterms. Instead, I wrote eloquently, and I aced all my exams. I had legitimately changed. I had, inexplicably, changed. Why? The reasons everyone brings up ("Cassie fails to do work in class because she is defiant", "Cassie is bored in school", etc.) didn't hold water, nor did any of my explanations ("I was way out of my comfort zone", "I was woefully unprepared for university") make any sense. Whatever caused me to change my work habits for the better, it wasn't the warning of a suspension.

The second thing is the Sia song "Breathe Me". "Breathe Me" was written in 2004, and since then, it was used everywhere (I'm not joking, either. I remember being bombarded by it from movies, TV, and ads when I was in middle school). Not only was "Breathe Me" overused for a little bit, it was overused for a long time.

I'm not sure if I'm the only one who thinks this, but I seem to remember that (and this was especially true during my first year at Duke) it always reminded me of "Revolution 9" by The Beatles. The association was so strong, it couldn't have been constructed from my own memories. It could have only come from having heard one particular rendition of "Breathe Me" that was really weird. When I say weird, I freaking mean it. The piano part was played on a sitar, and there was this weird whispering thing that kept saying "right" throughout the second stanza, and there was that outro. Oh, my God, that outro. That outro was so bizarre.

Honestly, maybe I didn't actually hear it in real life. Now that I mention it, I probably dreamt it. It seems too weird to be real. Sia's lawyers would have gone absolutely nuts had somebody made a version of "Breathe Me" that was that strange. The more I think about it, the more I suspect that I might have dreamt it, because I began to associate that weird version of "Breathe Me" very strongly with wind turbines, electrical lines, and other energy related outdoor structures. To me, that just screams dream.

The thing and final unrelated thing concerns a conference I had attended about the same week I turned 16. Since I wasn't invited to the conference, I tried to lay low as much as possible. Usually, this meant that I just hung around and talked with all these financial people. I pretended to know what they were talking about, but I kept changing the subject when I got the chance. If someone said that the bank of wherever was on thin ice, I'd change the subject to how ice crystals formed. Either that, or I'd hang around eating all the cucumber slices that they have.

That said, there was one place where I screwed up. I screwed up so much, it was glaringly obvious that I was neither invited to the conference nor as calm and collected as I appeared. About halfway through some old German guy's speech about the (dim) future of the Eurozone, I just completely lost it. I actually had a panic attack that was so extreme, the speaker told me to shut up. I remember the guy's exact words: "If you panic at the thought of the collapse of the Eurozone, just kill yourself. Your life won't get any easier from here on in. In fact, you shouldn't even be here. Fuck off, will you?" That, and that, was the thing that sent me from panic to flat-out rage. I walked right up to the guy and told him to reach up his ass and pull his head out. A chase (and a flip-out) soon ensued. My God, that was some flip-out. I pushed a photocopier out a window and onto a fire hydrant.

After things cooled down, it was all over. They found out I snuck into the conference, and they kicked me out. In a fit of defeat, I went to bed. I didn't fall asleep easily that night. In fact, I was so upset that I spent most of the night thinking of dropping out of Duke and just plain going home. I was so scarred by what I did, I probably won't be able to go to a financial conference again.

Now, all three of the things that I told you (my sudden improvement in my work habits, my association of Sia's "Breathe Me" with The Beatles's "Revolution 9", and my flip-out at the conference) are completely unrelated. They're just three things that happened around the same time that have no connection to each other, right?

Wrong. There is a connection. That connection is, of all things, an episode of the girl's cartoon Winx Club.

Typically, this wouldn't make any sense. How would a cartoon connect three seemingly unrelated events in my life? Well, between the death of my high school classmate Jo (finally, I remembered her name) and the end of my freshman year at Duke, I would watch Winx like there was no tomorrow. I loved (and I do mean loved-the past tense is for a reason) Winx Club, and my obsession with the show peaked around the same time at the conference. It was right when the German guy began speaking at our conference that I stumbled across a "lost" episode of Winx Club on YouTube. Without so much as a second thought (or for that matter, a first thought), I clicked on it and watched. The title of the episode was "The Kraken", and at the time; I figured that maybe the Winx would have to rescue somebody from a giant space octopus. Well, there was a giant octopus, but nobody was rescued. If anything, everybody was more or less doomed.

This sounds like a cliche, but it's not. I remember clicking on the video and it taking almost an hour to load. I also remember my laptop crashing. After turning it off and back on again, I went back to the video. This time, it played no problem. I was so excited that I got to see the episode. Looking back, there wasn't much of a tip off that things weren't normal. The opening sequence was normal, the video didn't get stuck a second time, none of it. Absolutely nothing was amiss. Unfortunately, the normalcy ended with the title card.

The episode started sort of normal, but there was this purple tint to everything that persisted throughout the entire episode. The very first scene showed the window to Bloom and Stella's room. You couldn't really see them that well, but you could see their silhouettes. They were talking about how they couldn't figure out what was bothering Flora so much. Bloom's guess was that it had something to do with Helia (Flora's boyfriend) actually being female this whole time, while Stella's guess is that it had something to do with how she put on a few pounds. Either way, they couldn't agree on something. They couldn't even agree to disagree. Yet, their disagreement wasn't what stuck me as odd. What struck me as odd was that there weren't any scenes where you saw their faces. Either you got a silhouette or a closeup of their lower legs. I was a bit weirded out, but I continued to watch the video.

What happened next was where things started to really head downhill. While Stella and Bloom were arguing, Tecna was busy taking apart the printer at the end of the hall. Musa kept saying, "Tecna, you're not allowed to take the printer apart", "Tecna, for the love of God, stop messing around with the printer", and "Knock it off, or I'm ratting you out". Tecna completely ignored this, and continued messing with the printer until she got it to pick up the Yankee game. Meanwhile, Bloom and Stella continued arguing until Bloom asked, "Why's Tecna watching the Yankee game on the printer?" Unsurprisingly, Bloom thought this was hilarious. Again, nobody's face was shown. All you literally saw was the display panel on the printer and, eventually, the Yankee game.

The scene faded to a silhouette of Flora crying. She talked about how she was fearing for her life, that she was actually a test subject for a government experiment. She'd escaped after the power went out during a fire drill, and she mentioned that she cut off the tracker attached to her wrist before the power came back on. She'd been hiding out at Alfea ever since. As I watched this scene, all I could think of was oh, come on, enough with the conspiracy theorist rant, make your point already, but I pricked up my ears when she mentioned something called "the Kraken". As she said the word "Kraken", a strange, staticky image of an octopus splashed across the screen. The whole thing gave off a really, really strange vibe. A really, really, really strange vibe.

The third scene was where things really went down the drain. We didn't see anybody's silhouette this time, but the quality of the video went downhill. The Winx girls were in Faragonda's office, and she wasn't pleased. She was swearing at them, calling them "disgusting bitches who belong in a sewer", and threatening to beat them. Now, this is incredibly dark for a kids cartoon (and it isn't even dark in the normal way Winx is sometimes dark. To be honest, it sounded like it came from some stupid Lifetime movie about a psycho teacher). What was even more unsettling was that the girls were all wearing black masks. Some wore half masks, while others wore full masks. The masks were crudely drawn, like they were those anonymity silhouette things you sometimes see on the news. Apparently, not only did Faragonda find out about what Tecna and company did to the printer, but she got off the phone with the government scientists who worked at the research facility from where Flora escaped. Musa had ratted both Flora and Tecna out. Later, Flora and Tecna were led outside; Flora to a black van, and Tecna to a blue car. This is the part of the episode in which the weird version of Sia's "Breathe Me" begins to play. The minute I heard "Breathe Me" play, I thought oh, jeez, not this shit again. Yet, this was different. Something caught me totally off guard the minute Tecna got in the blue car. An androgynous voice uttered the following words: Take this brother, may it serve you well.

After that, I couldn't not watch it. I had to see where this 100% messed up episode was headed. "Breathe Me" resumed, and the black van pulled up to the research facility. The two drivers of the van dragged Flora out and led her into the facility. The scene eventually cut to Bloom flying towards the facility, only to get caught in electrical lines while Tecna (who's boarding a helicopter at this point) says to the man escorting her, "You hear something?" just before the scene fades out to wind turbines. As the scene fades to wind turbines, the phrase "number 9, number 9, number 9" (and, of course, the random screaming of "Right!") repeated in the background.

What happens next is probably the reason why I will never listen to "Breathe Me" (or, for that matter, anything else by Sia) the same way again. There was a close up of Stella getting struck by the blades on one of the wind turbines. Now, I never liked Stella (she was bit of a doofus), but seeing her get killed by a wind turbine just made me feel ill. Worse, there was a lot of cutting back and forth between the helicopter flying off into the night and Flora in the research facility, getting subjected to some God-awful experiment where she was injected with something that made her turn into a werewolf and lash out against the scientists. This is where the bizarre outro to "Breathe Me" starts playing. One of the scientists was about to kill Flora, but his coworkers had to hold him back. She was uncontrollable, violent, wild even. I really don't want to delve into too much detail here, but in the end, she mauled the scientists to death.

The rest of the episode was just a mishmash of Flora destroying things and the helicopter with Tecna in it catching on fire and crashing into the ocean. The sound was a mishmash, too (Seriously! At one point, a half-human-half-lupine Flora said, "Satan, look at me. Please?"). That is, of course, until the very end. The screen cut to black, and it was completely silent, with the exception of a very low frequency hum. 

At this point, a Matrix -esque sequence of letters and numbers flicker on the screen while a roboticized Tecna looks right at the camera. I will never forget the menacing red glow of her eyes as she said the following: Yes, what happened to Flora was a tragedy, and what became of Magix and Alfea was nothing short of disastrous. But, I know where everyone lives. I know how you fake sympathy, crawl away from the truth, search out cognitive consistency, and kill off our faith in humanity. I know what you do. I can watch your every move, and I can control what happens. Your insignificant little blue planet means nothing to me. I made you do these things, and I can make everything stop. I'm the Kraken, goddammit! Again, the staticky image of the octopus appeared, but it didn't just flash over the screen. It actually played a video of the octopus splitting the Earth in half, then transforming into a black hole. After that, the episode was over.

I was in shock. I thought it was a never before seen episode of Winx, but it turned out to be the most demented thing I'd ever see. What I'd just seen had ruined me. I was so shocked that I melted down. Right there. At that conference. All that work I put into laying low at a financial conference was wasted by the simple act of watching an episode of Winx Club on my laptop that scared the ever loving shit out of me. This is gonna sound stupid, but I think it fundamentally changed me.

Seriously, that one episode of Winx Club is the reason that I kicked my schoolwork into high gear 3/4 of the way into term, the reason that I associate Sia's "Breathe Me" with The Beatles's "Revolution 9" , and why I flipped out at the conference. That was the thing that tied together three otherwise unrelated events.

Oops, my bad. There were actually four unrelated things happening. The fourth thing was Jo's death. Thinking back on the episode, I couldn't help but notice the name on the byline: Siobhan Lansig. Maybe it was someone with the same name, but I kept thinking to myself, isn't that Jo? I also couldn't help but notice the description of the video Let's get a few things straight here. I'm absolutely desperate to get the hell outta here! My teachers treat me like crap, I've been bullied so much you'd think it was a joke, and I got booted out of every club for my "behavioral disorder". Here's the reason why schizophrenics are "evil": YOU ACT LIKE WE ARE. PERIOD!!! I'm taking that early admission to Duke even though my study habits are even worse than those of Cassie Oakley. After that, I'm gonna take over the world. I understand that I don't have much time left, so this is what I'm leaving behind to all them mortals here on Earth. I know I'm gonna die, and I know that I'm gonna come back. Someday, I'll be back. Siobhan "Jo" Lansig (AKA the Kraken)

Not only did Jo dying allow me to get early admission to Duke's government program, she also wrote the messed up Winx episode that shocked me into better studying. The more I think about it, the more I think that Jo did this as a personal message for me. It wasn't so much as "Do well, make me proud" as it was "Get your shit together or you're gonna get it". Jo was never my friend; she was a madwoman. If this was the power she held when she was dead, I don't even want to think about the power she would wield if she were still alive.

[runaway-train-works]

ANNUAL WRITING SELF-EVALUATION 2018

I wasn’t officially tagged by anyone but I decided to do it anyways because I’m starting the year right with #selflove2019.

ALL FICS MUST HAVE POSTED ON AO3 IN 2018

1. Number of stories (including drabbles) posted to AO3: 7 (but 4 belong to the same AU so 4 separate stories I guess?)

2. Word count posted for the year: 144,725

3. List of works published this year (in order of posting):

I Won't Give Up So Come And Get Me

I’ve Been Hoping You’d Be Somewhere Better Than This (Ad Au)

You Sent This Hurricane Now It Won’t Go Away (Ad Au)

I Put My Dreams Into You They’ll Grow (Ad Au)

Baby I Need You In A Serious Way (Ad Au)

And Touch Me Like You Never

Better Not Pout, I’m Telling You Why

4. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

5. Pairings:  Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson,

6. Story with the most:

Kudos: I Won’t Give Up So Come And Get Me (581)

Bookmarks: I’ve Been Hoping You’d Be Somewhere Better Than This (291)

Comments: Better Not Pout, I’m Telling You Why (45 threads)

9. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

Definitely I Won’t Give Up So Come And Get Me. It’s my first ever fic, and my first attempt at writing anything really (I studied maths in uni and I’ve worked as a manager in hospitality for years, writing is not my thing) so I can’t tell you how scared I was posting it, I was pushing myself way out of my comfort zone by trying something new to me. I must have refreshed the stats/hits screen a billion times but then I got my first kudos and my first comment and I was like, ‘if that's all I get, then I can sleep tonight,’ because at least one person thought it was alright. 

10. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

My Santa fic. I was rushing to meet the holiday fic fest deadline and I reckon if I had had another week with it, it could have been better, more polished and the writing slicker, I was just so focused on getting the plot down, some of it is a bit scrappy. 

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Ohhhh I really don't know. I guess I like the banter from the Ad Au fics, and the lead up to H & L having sex for the first time is probably my favourite, because I don’t think you see scenes like that a lot in smutty fics and I thought it was funny (maybe just me?). 

And don’t ask me why, but I really like the line from And Touch Me Like You Never, ‘Harry wants to tell him that there isn’t for him, that there is only one fish and that’s Louis and that he would swim a fucking ocean for him if Louis asked him to. I think to me it just represents their whole relationship in the fic. 

12. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Any comments make me happy, but the readers that give you their reasons for liking a fic are the best. My absolute favourite reader/commenter is QuelquesEtoiles (not sure on their Tumblr? I’m shit at knowing who people are if their names aren't the same on both) because their comments are hilarious and I actually go and re-read them when I’m feeling shit because they make me smile that much, especially the play-by-play on ATMLYN. 

13. A time when writing was really, really hard:

I’ve mentioned this before, but I started a fic based on a lumberjack prompt and then the really good lumberjack one came out and it had very similar themes to what I was attempting to write so I just gave up, that was shitty for me but I'm over it now. Also struggled with the Santa fic because my default setting is to make Louis a sassy little shit that’s only nice to Harry so that was difficult for me haha. 

14. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Niall in ATMLYN. It wasn't a conscious decision at first to make him Harry’s sounding board, but I think it ended up pacing the story well and would have been too messy to include the other boys. 

15. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I didn't grow. I was a brand new baby, and I’m going into 2019 as a toddler; I can say a few things and run around like I think I know what I’m doing but I’m still bound to run into stuff and cry a few times while I’m at it.

16. How do you hope to grow next year:

I have an idea for a pretty big ABO high school fic which will be kinda slow burn and I might post as a WIP on ao3. Slow burn will be a challenge for me because I want H & L to get together from like the second paragraph most of the time and a WIP will be too, as it will take a lot more planning out and developing the story as people are reading and giving feedback which I think will be an interesting process for me.

17. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

I don't really know that many people in the fandom but everyone that has contacted me has been super lovely. Ana (@finck-you-freeky) has been absolutely amazing. We have similar tastes in fics that we read/like and I get her to read all my fics before I post them now because her opinion and notes are invaluable to me. She is also is very supportive when I’m having a bad day and hate every word I have written. I love speaking to people about fics though that aren't my own so it’s good to chat to her about other ones we have read or writers we enjoy.

Also, random shout out, but @blouisparadise have been super nice to me since I started writing, they often include me in their monthly recs and their post for IWGUSCAGM was actually how I found Tumblr in the first place because I found it through google (I’m not a huge social media user), so just want to say thank you to them for the support!

18. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Uh, the inspiration for IWGUSCAGM is very, very loosely based on my flatmate in uni, but her story isn't as charming so I won’t divulge. 

19. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Writing for a fandom is a weird thing. You think to yourself about your own works ‘this is so shit, no-one will read this, why am I bothering?’ but at the exact same time you’re like ‘why is no-one reading this? this is brilliant and better than anything anyone else has ever written,’ and I guess I need to try and remember that thats normal for everyone. If you’re writing because you enjoy it, then that will come through in your work and eventually praise will come, even if its not from a lot of people. I’d rather have just one person absolutely love my fic than a hundred people thinks it’s just OK, and I need to remember that when I see fic lists and reblogs that don’t include my name. Having said that, if you had asked me this a week ago I would have said no, I have no wisdom to share, but after several lovely people have included me in their ‘best fics of 2018′ I would say that not worrying about not being ‘shouted about’ is something I’m going to start doing more of (hopefully). I seriously thought no-one knew who I was or cared about anything I wrote because I don't get a lot of acknowledgement on Tumblr, particularly from the big blogs and fic reccers. It made me sad and I just didn’t know what to do about it, but as it turns out, some people were reading my stuff and enjoying it, and you don’t necessarily have to have a hundred reblogs and notifications of your posts for that to happen. 

20. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Along with the ABO one, I’ve got a couple of short fic fest ones that are ready to post (thats not til february), I’m writing a sort of birthday one which I’ll post on H’s actual birthday. Also have an idea for a boxer harry one which is basically just pwp. Have two musical fic fest ones I’m excited about and that are a bit different.  Also might try a different pairing, maybe a Ziam or a past Zarry? So yeah, lots to work on. Will see what happens. 

21. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I feel like most people have done this now, but if you haven’t do it!

[mommydragon-of-all]

OC Interview Meme

This looks fun. Also some answers drastically differ depending on around what time this "interview” takes place. So i got thinking and since I was tagged by@sakurabunnie who’s getting to know my pre-inquisition Soren, i choose to time this before Inquisition. Then i was tagged by dear @hadiden-lavellan too, but by then i was halfway through his post, and hey why not, some looking back :) Thank you both!!!! :3333

For Soren (Lavellan):

1. What is your name?

“A lot of people have called me by a lot of names. You can call me Soren.”

2. What is your real name?

“It is actually Soren. Yep, just Soren. I lost my original belonging and i didnt take any of my families surnames. Not permanently nor in any way official.”

3. Do you know why you were called that?

“Oh well, my parents wanted a pair of short and strong names that ring together, even if they had to get a bit creative. Also, as i learned, a pair of names that can be lilted and growled equally well haha “

4. Are you single or taken?

“i am free like a bird. Does your nest have some extra space on a cold night by the way?”

5. Have any abilities or powers?

“Im a highly trained assassin, among … other things. If you ever get in trouble… *slides over a strange little object* flash this around the shady parts of any city. They will take care of the rest. But for your lives sake, do not try to lie”

6. Stop being a Mary Sue.

“ I dont think i ever used that alias… “

7. What’s your eye color?

“Oohhh you are welcome to gaze into them closer, yes ;) no low light excuses, they have their own, so just lean over… “

8. How about your hair color?

“ Oh yes that is harder to tell in different lights. Its dark red, like good wine or blood from the liver .”

9. Have you any family members?

“ I have tons. If you meant blood relation… other than my twin sister i have some distant family. Literally distant even, like few and far between, out in the world. Some of us exchange awesome birthday gifts some years though, regardless of the exact date. Who has time to time that. “

(Scattered by the wind, but firmly standing like the trees)

10. Oh? What about pets?

“ Sadly animals are deadly afraid of me. It takes just a sniff to run for dear life… Even predators… it takes a special blend of proud and crazy to befriend me it seems. I would kill for such treasures. Like that Hart i once fought for an apple in that deep forest and lately rode to far destinations… i think it starts to get even attached!!! If he sticks around im gonna call him Captain. But remember, Dont go close to him! For your dear life, please dont. He is easy to recognize. Big as a mountain and looks like “Oh, Shit”. “

(’Where to, Captain?’)

11. That’s cool I guess, now tell me about something you don’t like.

“ Those things are about to change. Or drop in numbers significantly in the world. Just wait. …as truly as i want to mean that, unfortunately some things never change. Like the darkness in people, festering hearts. There will always be things like betrayal, prejudice, hatred, discrimination, envy, greed, cruelty,... i could go on. People who mostly keep themselves above those shades of their nature are all worth to be protected.“

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like doing?

“ Oh there are so many awesome things in the world and so many exciting things to do! I cant even count them. Like there’s hunting dragons for one! Speaking of hunting, there is also treasure hunt and demon hunt and manhunt and wyvernhunt and countless others, the bigger and meaner the better! But then theres also MAGIC! Do you have any idea how awesome that is? Everything magic and everything it touched. Putting together and using magic objects for so many things! And spells??? Potions, lotions, weapons... And there are also PEOPLE! The most magical thing is the warm light in ones heart. And they are so various and unique! There are different languages and codes and symbols and oh the stories! And dance and music and pleasures and laughing and caring and helping and…. oh … haha… im sorry, are you awake? Please ask away. “

(’Ah, what a beautiful day!’)

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

“ I think you snoozed off and forgot about my profession already. :)  “

14. Ever… killed anyone before?

“ Hahaha oh these sharp and pointy things and stuff arent for chopping and cooking vegetables either.”

15. What kind of animal are you?

“Pfffft i am my own species! Hehe! A unique hybrid i guess! But definitely a big animal, yes. Sis’ won that argument long ago, so there you have the answer. “

16. Name your worst habits.

“Hmm? What?” (*Muffs out with one of the interviewers -already leafed through-notebooks between his sharp teeth, booth on table...*) Hey! That is… how did you… *sigh*... nevermind  

(exhibit 99: ‘”I’ll go straight there!”)

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“My sister, definitely. She is the best. She is indestructible in every way i swear! Gotta be the strongest person alive. She is also really cool. But hot. I mean explosive! Not that shes not hot, technically... she is my female version after all haha. And caring for me with great big sister love (*mumble*:even if i am like 5 minutes older), but dont spread that ;) Might harm her notoriety.  I also look up to several of my tutors and many other people for many different reasons. People can be so many kinds of amazing.”

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

“You can not expect me to label my interests in a world full of so many differently beautiful people with warm hearts.”

19. Do you go to school?

“Yes. Life. 24/7. Got less intense since i learned how to survive and sustain myself, and grew a strong body to back up my needs and will, but there are always new things to learn and lessons you never asked for too. I had some actual teachers along the way too, but lately mostly i just teach myself what i dont just encounter by diving into new things. Which is not only fun by the way, you are bound to learn a few things. Then there are books, theories, researching, digging, honing instincts and reflexes, combining and refining techniques or theories, trial and error... Life is a bottomless school “

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“Wow, wow, you mean like.. babies? Sweet Fade, i wouldnt dare breathe their way, they are so fragile... little young PEOPLE, persons who arrived so recently and understand so little and cant even tell whats up just cry and i cant understand them, i understand every language but i can not understand babies for my life and ... and... thats terrifying! And do you have any idea how EASY it is to kill someone? And then there is that small bundle of vulnerability, my proximity could be lethal to it! And .... *sigh*... sorry just... It all would depend on that special person i might find who would want to keep me for life, for better or worse, and if they wanted kids... even if babies, i would be on board. I would do anything for that special someone. Even learn baby care... Bigger kids, well, i already have :D . In good care. If any of them were to be taken under my constant and indirect care, would depend on a lot of things. Right now they are much safer otherwise.”

21. Do you have any fanboys/fangirls?

“Most certainly ;D.But none of them know much about me, of course. With that comes a transformation of those feelings”

22. What are you most afraid of?

‘Im not afraid of ANYTHING!” *eyes instantly betraying* “Fine, fine, gotta be loss. Ironic, isnt it, for i have but what is on my person. Replaceable come and goes. Im mostly afraid of losses that arent even really “mine”, but others. Loved ones or even barely known ones loosing their lives or their light. Loosing my sister, myself, my heart... that is all i am. The only thing i cannot live without is my heart, i AM my heart, and loosing pieces of it or have it broken or freezing through a hole... I hate how selfish that is. But yeah. There you go. I still tend to leave pieces of it everywhere, and it only grows with that, funny how that works, but it also tends to get wounded on every turn. I fear the numbing cold. I fear the day when i cant hold it together and go on anymore.”

(from “When you are away”)

23. What do you usually wear?

“What you see is my whole wardrobe, hahah. But i shift and change to blend in from the dirt of Orzammar’s dust town to the shining halls of Orlesian palaces. Its fun.  What i like to wear mostly are well covering clothes, that allow a great scale of mobility, but not baggy to catch on things. Made of high quality materials only. My clothes MUST be of great quality materials, more for comfort than durability. Heightened overall senses arent always fun. Oh and for outer wear i like leather, especially dragonskin stuff for light armor, and long boots are the only footwear i acknowledge, some with high heels, and a matching pair of long gloves from soft fine leather are necessary too. Long coats from mostly leather and all the necessary leather straps and harnesses and pouches and belt too of course. If it counts, all my current favorite necklaces with magical pendants and bracelets are a constant wear too. It also doesnt hurt if my clothes look great. But fine materials tailored to my body and my needs usually bring that effect without further touches.”

(*his gear gotta let his smooth ass move*)

24. Do you love someone?

“I love all good people. ...and some others”

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

"Bahahahhahaa now thats some blunt question! It deserves to be answered truthfully. I wish i could say when i was a baby, but truth is i think it happened a few times during the wilder rides of intense poison training with blood magic assistance, but im not really sure, i was barely conscious through those parts from pain and all kinds of nasty sensations, i came to my senses naked and tucked in after them. I never do extreme limit pushing training alone. There were also times when i was subject to some blood spells and experiments unwilling too. I have some suspicious blurry memories that i have made all sorts of messes. Egh. Lets move on to more fun questions”

26. Well, it’s not over yet!

“Perfect!”

27. What class are you? (High class, middle class, low class)

“I live outside of such systems. But i took part in every class during my life, thanks to current families or goals.”

28. How many friends do you have?

“Plenty, but one cant have too many. Helping each other goes a long way. I tend to make some friends everywhere i go, but i have few close friends. The closest one is my sis’. She knows me more than i know myself, and she is always there for me, at any cost.”

29. What are your thoughts on pie?

“Pie? One of the most fun cakes. It was invented for throwing i swear!”

30. Favourite drink?

“Hmmmm... old, red wine, hot and seasoned, spiced with a nice kick of that special antivan poison blend. I dont recommend you trying it, but you dont know what you’re missing out.”

31. What’s your favourite place?

“Wherever i am welcome.”

(*one favorite place example. It is not Where, it is Who*)

32. Are you interested in someone?

“I am interested in everyone. Are you fishing for some special interest?”

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

“Hahahha oh you never disappoint! Well, it was a long time ago when i last i wore a bra, back when i could still pull off the young girl appearance, to get in paces and so on. I always made sure to have a proportional but quite evident bosom. Oh it was such fun, my long hair helped too, and i dished out that act spot on! Like that time in Val Royeaux, when the heads i turned waltzing in as part of a rich antivan court were spinning all around in frantic search in the chaos, while i walked right out as a male servant. Oh sorry, i got distracted. You also asked about my “willy” if i recall correctly. If you would like to measure it so badly we can discuss that later ;) “

34. Would you rather swim in the lake or the ocean?

“Hmmm.... whichever promises more sunk treasures and secrets. Some lakes hide quite the surprises let me tell you.”

(’Looks like a perfect place for some diving..’)

35. What’s your type?

“My type of what, exactly, dear? ;)”

36. Any fetishes?

“I am very flexible in many ways, let me tell you, in case you are planning to bend me to your will. And if id have some suggestions, well, let it remain a little mystery for now ;p”

37. Seme or uke? Top or Bottom? Dominant or Submissive?

“Depends. What would you like me to be?”

38. Camping or indoors?

“Nothing beats a warm bed and a well secured resting place. Especially with my... condition, and experiences”

39. Are you wanting the interview to end?

“Are you kidding me? You have such awkward, uncomfortable questions... Let me get a new round of drinks for us and lets do this till morning!” “What do you mean new round... when did this cup of hot wine get here? It has my name on it??? What the... I better go i think.”

40. Now it’s over!

“What? Oh come on, we just got to some really “embarrassing” parts! Talking about “embarrassing”, would you like to hear the story of my encounter with this qounari dreadnought captain and ended up on board to Ostwick? Maybe you can tell me some stories yourself too in exchange..” *puppy eyes+shining grin combo* “Well, im not exactly in a hurry...” “Excellent!” *shifts closer and pours more wine*

I tag @quizzikemen @pelle-lavellan @hadiden-lavellan @sakurabunnie @elalavella @nipuni and everyone who wants to do it! For those who already did this consider this a tag for another OC! Gotta love them all :D (if you feel like doing it. I always feel like reading it)