#also if there's anyone here who can help me hack my own twitter account and find the email address i used to sign up for it pls let me know

[thefangirlslair]

since i got locked out of my twitter account, i think i can share here that on friday, september 10th, i will be turning 24. so just like i did last year, i have something for everyone. hope you will like it :) it’s already at 2k words, the longest i have written so far after a month, so i guess i’m on the right track lmao i am just winging it though. pls forgive me asjhdajdfh

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino���s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

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You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[papytonpropaganda]

Warning Post: Stalker in the UT Fandom

Hey all. My friend asked me if I would be comfortable doing this and I said yes because I think no one deserves to go through what they have.

Tw stalking //

My friend Pixie has been stalked for the past 6 months or so by someone who, for whatever reason, just absolutely hates Asgore from Undertale. Pixie kins Asgore and also sees him as a father figure because their own father was a terrible person. This stalker has harassed Pixie and even contacted their mother, who is abusive, because they dislike that Pixie has such a great love for a fictional character.

I agreed to write this post in order to warn other Asgore fans and kins about this person so they are aware someone like this is out there and can be prepared in case they decide to go after other people.

Below are screenshots of an email that was sent to Pixie’s mother’s work account, which was found through hacking Pixie’s Discord. This email purported to be from a “Christian mother” who was concerned about their child interacting with Pixie. The person misgenders Pixie, who is nonbinary and uses they/them pronouns, and includes a great number of screenshots from Pixie’s Twitter. It is clear from the screenshots that the stalker was searching up anything they could find to out Pixie as being part of the LGBTQ+ community and also reveal Pixie’s personal vents about their mother.

Screenshots and further information will be under the cut. Warning for misgendering, stalking, and mentions of Christianity, self-harm, and accusations of exposing minors to porn.

Transcription: 

“Hi [redacted]

My name is [redacted] and I’m a proud Christian mum of two. Recently, one of my children has been on a Discord server with your daughter and also has access to your daughter’s social media. As a mother, it’s my job to monitor the online activity of my children and make sure they aren’t exposed to the many dangers lurking on the internet. This includes seeing who they interact with, and I am appalled by the content on your daughter’s social media, namely her Twitter. As you know, it is not always easy to monitor our children’s online activity as this new generation is rather tech savvy. I am a firm believer that we mothers need to stick together, which is why I have emailed you to inform you of these behaviours. Your daughter frequently reveals personal information about herself and her family online (namely on Discord), and thus it was easy for me to find your email. I apologise for sending this to your business email, but I believe this to be urgent and wanted to get in touch with you as soon as possible… The only thing she has not revealed is her exact home address, though she has revealed both your workplace and the town you live in. Given the nature of the content on her Twitter alone, I am certain that you were not aware of her behaviors either, as she frequently posts atrocious and disrespectful things about you. I have attached screen captures of a few of the tweets I have seen recently which were later deleted, and I am sure you will agree that these are truly a mother’s worst nightmare. She has also exposed underaged children to pornographic content depicting a Satanic goat character known as “Asgore,” which is unacceptable especially for a twenty year old. She has also implied that she harms/cuts herself in the name of this Asgore… I would also like to make mention that the vast, vast majority of your daughter’s followers are impressionable and underaged children (between the ages of 10 and 16) yet they are being exposed to this content… It is heartbreaking to think of what our children do online even after caring for them and teaching them our Christian values. I will speaking to my children more about internet safety and the repercussions of posting online… I hope you have found this email helpful.” [email text cuts off here]

This email was full of lies from the get-go. I have shared several Discord servers with Pixie, and they have never revealed personal information. Pixie’s NSFW account was separate from their main and locked so only adults could follow. The majority of the vents concerning self-harm were about the abuse they were dealing with. They have diagnosed PTSD and are a CSA survivor and use Asgore to cope, and they do it in a healthy way. And, as Pixie’s notes on the second screenshot say, how they cope is no one else’s business anyway.

Below are screenshots that Pixie’s stalker attached to the email to their mother.

Aside from the email sent to their mother, Pixie was also sent extremely pedophilic and triggering asks on Tumblr from throwaway accounts. Even after Pixie blocked the asker, they would simply make a new account and continue to harass them.

Screenshots are below. Serious warnings for pedophilia, incest, rape, f slur, t slur, and NSFW text

As you can see, whoever this stalker is, they are a completely vile person to send these things to a CSA survivor.

Pixie wrote a thread on their Twitter, which they have asked me not to share, about the stalking and harassment they’ve been through, and just today they received this DM.

Clearly this person isn’t done yet.

Pixie and I aren’t completely sure who this person is, but we are keeping an eye on things. Hopefully we can figure out who this person is and make it so they can’t hurt anyone like this again. In the meantime, we both wanted to warn people about this person, as Pixie is sure their stalker won’t stop with them and could move on to harassing other Asgore fans at any time. Nobody deserves to be treated like Pixie has been.

Thank you for reading, and please spread this to Asgore fans if you can, so they can take precautions to protect themselves.

[tired-college-student-writing]

#WayneAngel: Chapter 2

The Maribat AU by @ozmav and @maribat-archive is all I can think about atm, so enjoy more of this

Summary- After Grayson posts a video on the wrong twitter, Damian feels like he should lose his social media privileges, and possibly his hand. 

Part 1

Part 2 (HERE)

Part 3

______________________________________________________________________

Wayne’s Angel @FashionableInGotham

Thanks for outing my relationship, Dick, now I owe Tim money. 

Marinette paused realizing that no one was going to believe the lone tweet, even as she hit send on the first post of her new twitter account. There were probably a hundred fake accounts popping up already in light of the news. Thousands of theories on her were already flying around the net. 

She probably had a zillion texts from her classmates about the video, but she had taken one look at the group chat and missed calls she had gotten from Alya and turned her phone onto do not disturb. She’d check for texts from her actual friends later. 

She sighed and stuck her head outside, and was only mildly surprised seeing the two middle Wayne boys stilling sitting on the patio. 

“You guys are still out here?” She asked, only for Jason to flip her off and Tim just bleary lifted his head up, having been taking a nap in the sun like a cat.

“Easy boy,” She soothed Jason, “I’ve just come to tell you the kitchen is no longer off-limits, and that Damian is attempting to murder Dick.”

“What did Dickie do?” 

Instead of answering Jason’s question she held up a blue bill between two fingers, “Oh I also owe Tim this,” 

She watched Tim pause mid-yawn and eyes flash to her before his eyes grow large and he cracked up laughing.  

Jason slipped into a cheeky smirk, “No…” 

“Oh yes,” Marinette sighed, “Dick accidentally uploaded the video he took earlier to his public twitter, instead of his private one. #WayneAngel and #MariDami are both trending right now.”  

“The demon spawn might actually succeed in killing him this time,” Tim gasped out, snatching the bill from her.

“Not on Alfred’s birthday, he won’t,” She giggled back before holding up her phone, “Either way, mind helping me enter the celebrity Twitter scene? I feel there’s going to be lots of clean up involved, but I figured the sooner I’m officially introduced the better, but I need someone to confirm I’m me on there.” 

Tim pulled out his phone, “One introduction tweet coming right up.” 

Tim Drake Offical @TJDrake

Thanks, @AFlyingGrayson for fucking up and winning me the bet with on who would out The Demon spawn’s relationship! 

Anyways, Just wanted to introduce @FashionableInGotham as my actual favorite sibling and the Demon spawn’s real, flesh and blood, girlfriend, Marinette.

With the tweet was a picture that Tim had snapped of the three of them chilling on the porch, Marinette perched on the armrest of Tim’s chair as the boy waved the banknote in front of the lens, Jason smirking as he gave the young girl bunny ears. 

It’s a very endearing picture, in her opinion and was ranking in retweets in a heartbeat. Her follower count was climbing from the seven Waynes. Marinette wasn’t going to ask how Tim managed to hack twitter to make the missing Waynes follow her, she really didn’t want to know. 

Plausible Deniability and all that.

The tweet was followed quickly by one from Jason. 

Jason Todd Lives @BestTodd

Yes the brat has a girlfriend

Yes I lost the bet on if he’d follow in Bruce’s footsteps 

Yes that’s my real reaction to her picking me up

Yes she’s is that adorable irl, Proof vvv

Yes @FashionableInGotham is my unofficial baby sister and I will fuck up anyone that upsets her

The picture he attached as proof of her being adorable was of her working on a piece, her tongue sticking out between her teeth as she concentrated. The reds and purple laying in pieces around her as she snipped and sewed them together. Behind her, you could barely make out Tim and Damian arguing on her chaise. 

There was a sudden bang as the patio door was hung open and Dick tumbled through, phone in hand, with Damian still following him, but the knife had been replaced with his sword. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were introducing Marinette on twitter!” The eldest whined as he continued to dodge Damian’s strikes. Damian stilled, turning to his other brothers. 

“You what!” 

Marinette rolled her eyes, “Easy Damian. It was my idea. Get a good image out there before people have too much time to theorize about how I wormed my way into the elusive Waynes.” 

Tim just snorted, “Ah yes, Marinette the masterful gold digger who had no idea she was dating the Damian Wayne for the first two months of their relationship.” 

The other boys laughed as Marinette’s face turned bright red. 

“You promised not to bring that up again,” SHe whined as her boyfriend came up behind her and wrapped an arm around her. 

“You know you love us, Angel,” He mumbled as he pressed a kiss into her hair, pointily ignoring the fake gagging from Jason and Tim. 

“Sooooo” Dick drawled, bringing everyone attention to him, “We have about an hour we need to start dinner, and two before he and B get back. Who’s up for a little twitter QnA?” 

_______________________________________________________________________

 The group chat was too hectic to keep up with anymore, no one was sure what was happening, until Chloe texted each of them individually and offered up a conference room at her family’s hotel for them to gather and go over what was happening. 

She was a little surprised that they all agreed, especially Lila. The gig was up, there wasn’t a way for her to convincingly spin this turn of events, not when the Wayne’s were already rushing to social media to defend the girl after the video accidentally went up, introducing her under a brand new twitter. 

If anyone saw that the blonde was already following said twitter, she’d claim it was to keep up with any drama that unfolded from little miss no one dating a Wayne. 

After all, she had an image to keep up, she couldn’t just... 

“Chloe?” 

Her head snapped up to see Adrian standing in the doorway. 

“How on earth did you get here so fast?” She asked with a raised brow. 

He glanced away, rubbing the back of his neck, “I... might of snuck out...” 

She laughed, “Knew school would be good for you.” 

He grinned sliding into the seat next to her, making her relax. 

Their relationship had been rocky for a while, but after Queen Bee made her official debut, they were working through it. She couldn’t deny the fact that his eyes glowed as she tried her best to be a better person made everything easier

“So have you abandoned your ridiculous high road principle?” She questioned, watching him flinch slightly. 

“You know I didn’t...” 

“Yeah, Yeah,” She sighed waving her hand, knowing it was still a sore spot to him that Marinette had taken the advice so poorly before Chloe stepped up and explained what he had meant. 

Keep your head down, don’t draw attention to yourself. Messages that had been instilled into Adrian for years, both to keep out of the media spotlight and, after his mother disappeared, to stay at of his father's way. Lies had never been an issue to him since rumors were always flying around the model and the people he worked with, so while it took him a while to see that the lies that Lila told were different than those written in the gossip columns and were actually doing harm. 

Let’s just say the boy was still beating himself up for that, even if Marinette forgave him. Sadly it was too late to have Adrian come forward on his own to out Lila without it looking like Marinette had just gotten him under her thumb so they had been waiting for their chance.

Chloe was glad to say that that day had finally come. 

“Did you know Damian was the boy Mari talked about?”  He asked quietly. 

“No,” She sighed, “Luka and Kagami had no idea either, you’d know this if you bothered looking at your phone.” 

He shrugged, leaning over her shoulder, “I left it at home, Dad tracked me last time I snuck out with it.”  

She huffed a laugh handing over the phone so he could see the... colorful texts from the pair. 

“I didn’t know Kagami knew any swears in French,” He confessed after scrolling through the group chat. 

“My money’s on her learning them from Ms. Couffaine,” Chloe offered lazily, “That woman swears like a sailor.” 

“She lives on a boat,” Adrian counters, “I think that qualifies her as a sailor.” 

“Whatever,” 

They lapsed into silence as Adrian clicked over to the entire group chat to see if he could make any sense out of it now that the flow of incoming texts has trickled off. 

“Are you okay?” She suddenly asks making him arch a brow, gazing up from the phone. 

“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Your lady is in love with someone else.” 

Adrian smiled softly.

 “I accepted that awhile ago Chlo,” He reminded her, back to the day they were all too close when time ran out, when the five of them could no longer hide, “I’m very happy to be her best friend, plus I’ve been thinking that I might look what the cat can drag-in” 

She groaned, whacking him, “You’re ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.” 

“Like you weren’t wondering if you’d be a good snake charmer.”

She squeaked, swatting him again harder as he fell off his chair with laughter.

“I told you that in confidence, not so you can make stupid puns!” 

“Oh come on Chloe, don’t throw a hissssy hit,” 

“I’m a bee, so buzz off!” 

They stared at each other before breaking down into giggles. 

“I hate you,” She whines through the pearls of laughter. 

“No you don’t,” He waggled his eyebrow making her laugh harder. 

Knowing he won he glanced back at her phone only for his smile to twist into a wicked grin. 

“Tone down the Chat in that grin or people will put it together,” She warned, poking his cheek. 

“Marinette and the Wayne boys just said they’re doing a QnA under #Daminette.”  

Chloe blinked a few times before her smile twisted to match his, “There’s a projector in here and we have about five minutes until anyone else gets here.” 

“I’ll grab your laptop and make sure Plagg and Pollen come down from your room,” Adrian said, climbing to his feet. 

“I’ll call Luka and Kagami and ask them to be prepared, and then get Jean to get refreshments and inform Jagged Stone of what’s happening,” She assigned to herself before he nodded and took off. 

Operation Dethrone Lila was officially underway. 

About fucking time

_______________________________________________________________________

Taglist: @kceedraws @northernbluetongue @starry-bi-sky @mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog @lexysama @vincentvangoose

[alexzalben]

Do you honestly think that the Riverdale writers are behaving respectfully towards their fans? I don't care about the ships, I am an adult, I watch shows for fun, but I've just been on socials and there is a grown man mocking and laughing at young girls. As a woman, I am really worried. Shouldn't they just avoid socials, if it's so bad?Teens might not be right, but do they deserve to be mistreated? Where do we draw the line? I am a long time Decider reader, really interested in your opinion here

First of all, thank you so much for reading, I appreciate it (as does the rest of the staff, I’m sure)!

Second of all, I don’t necessarily want to direct any specific comments about comments since I did not write them nor do I know the specific context behind them; but I do want to talk from my own experience for a moment here to hopefully give a little perspective.

So, I’ve been on the internet a long time. I was directing/writing/acting in viral videos that got millions of views on YouTube before we had the term “viral video.” I’ve been on Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr and whatever else for a long while. I’ve posted hundreds of podcasts, and performed thousands of live shows, and written thousands of articles. Mostly, people have been nice, whether in person or online. But I’ve also had, conservatively, hundreds of people threaten to kill me, tell me to kill myself, threaten my family, call me disgusting names, etc, etc. I’m not alone in this experience, and as a white man I have it infinitely easier than anyone else who doesn’t fit into those categories. I’m lucky, I guess, in that, thanks to a fluke of my birth people have only tried to hack my account and dox me a bunch of times, instead of every day incessantly.

This is all to say you would think I’d be used to this, and mostly I have taught myself over time to take a breath, block the account, and move on. Mostly. But sometimes... You don’t. Because you’re tired. Or you’re having an awful day. Or your boss yelled at you and you think you need to lash out at someone else in turn. Or the comment just rubs you the wrong way. Or you’re drunk. Or it’s a little too hot in your house. Or you think you’re being funny and it comes out wrong. Or, I dunknow, you’re just not thinking.

Does it make anything better? No. The biggest lesson I’ve learned in my life is that unless someone really, really deserves it, responding to anger with calm listening will always yield better results, because they’re not expecting it. They’re looking for a fight. That’s in person, though, and the internet is a different beast. It’s also just, as mentioned above, not always your reaction. Sometimes you can’t help yourself because you’re human.

I’d also venture based on my own experience that right now that is happening a lot more. Pretty much every human on Earth except for the total sociopaths are scared for their lives every single second of every day. That wears on you, and makes every emotion and reaction heightened.

This is a long way of saying that as much as possible, even when people lash out, I’ve tried to take the extra second on top of my usual second before reacting, because what we’re going through right now is catastrophically insane. Again, am I always successful? No. Did I wake up in a bad mood this very morning because I had horrible nightmares, yell at my kids for literally no reason, realize what I was doing, and then let them watch movies and eat popcorn all day because I felt awful in response? Yeah, man, that’s just where we’re at.

And that’s a long way of saying: is yelling at someone right? Is a grown man sniping at a kid good or correct? No. Can we always help ourselves? No, particularly not right now. Is this an excuse? No way! Even now, we need to own our actions. But is it an explanation? I think so. We’re all raw nerves, so if you see something that seems out of character, or more extreme than normal... Walk away, I think. Come back later. See if it’s the same. It probably won’t be. If it isn’t, understand that we never know what people are going through, even though we’re all going through the same thing. It’s just the same thing, in entirely different ways, on different schedules. And if we all take that extra second on top of the extra second before we engage, maybe it’ll get a little better. Probably not, because there are external forces at work we can’t control here. But maybe?

Anyway. Hope that all makes sense. If not, thanks for reading through my blather for a while, I appreciate it.

[fdhfjdafdajfa]

Help me out with my extreme third world poverty some.

hi, i’m vivian, some people know me as pearl or sibyl if you are extremely old school, and might remember me from when my url was whimslcott or something else. I posted this and this. I’ve been on this website since 2009 when I was a problematic edgy anarcho-primitivist whose friends were all getting called out on here for like stabbing people or human trafficking or whatever. I never stabbed anyone. I was one of the humans being trafficked. long story. immeasurable trauma.

There was a period of about a year or so where I was managing to pull in a couple hundred dollars per month via tumblr fundraisers, and that was during a period in which the government had arbitrarily cut me off my disability funding. Before acquiring that disability funding, I had been homeless for around 6 years, including my aforementioned stint as a human trafficking victim, compounding my already extant C-PTSD from child abuse, being bullied in school to the extent that I dropped out after 8th grade, and growing up autistic.

Eventually, between the stress of keeping up with social security and the paranoia of running into the people from my extensive nationwide sex trafficking ring I decided to just fuck off entirely and leave the country. Then I got cut off from Social Security again because apparently it’s for people who “actually live there”. I took what was left of my savings and absconded with some student loans and lived on my own for about two years, and my money is starting to run dry. Not only am I still disabled, but there’s a big allcaps notice on my visa saying NO WORK/BUSINESS. If I don’t get some source of income by the end of my current visa, my immigration status will change from “kind of hoopty” to “straight-up undocumented” and I think we’d all prefer to avoid that.

Since my legal immigration status is kind of hoopty, I haven’t been able to get things like a bank account and am dependant on my roommate for stuff like that. As such I don’t have anything like a venmo or an impactguru.

I have these things:

https://ko-fi.com/vivyansarlas https://www.paypal.me/pcoolpearl https://www.patreon.com/vivyansarlas

and if you want my roommate’s bank information for a direct money transfer, go ahead and ask me about it.

While I’m technically capable of *surviving* for another few months off of what’s left of my savings, attempting to isn’t a very good idea. My computer is starting to age a bit, my cell phone fell off a 13th story window almost a year ago and so is not really functional, I really need new clothes, and I’ve got a few neglected medical needs, like therapy and jaw surgery. Also, my meds are about $30 a month. This is to say I need to have some income so I can start working out a plan for these issues in the medium-to-long term.

Aside from my web presence, which is pretty good these days (ask me about my twitter), I’m also working on my first book, which is about 3/7ths of the way complete by current trajectory and I’m also in the starting phases of creating an NGO to work with LGBT religious minorities, something that is deeply needed. So listen. About my current life circumstances. I live in a slum in Delhi. Part of living in a slum is that my house is incredibly cheaply and poorly made and that means it’s not designed to account for the extreme weather or any other factors really. Being that it’s a slum flat it’s not legal, let alone “up to code”. I get heat sickness from staying in it too long, and can’t sleep in there. Instead I have to drag my mattress out onto the roof and just sleep on the roof. Since there’s so little air circulation, I have to keep the door and window open, but when I do that, it gets dusty. But I’m allergic to dust. I sweep about 3-4 times a day. But still I haven’t managed to sleep through the night in there without waking up in the middle of the night either having a hacking fit or so congested I can’t breathe.

I own no furniture and very few clothes. I currently am not able to get a bank account due to immigration issues, and since my debit card was mugged a year ago I haven’t been able to get a new one mailed despite repeated efforts. This means that I’ve been storing all my money in my roommate’s bank account. The issue is, since she spends no time at the apartment because it’s an uninhabitable sweltering hellhole, I basically have to live in increments of $8-$30 whenever she gets around to giving me them -- maybe every 2 weeks or so. It’s far from a perfect system. This kind of makes it sound like she’s the problem here but she’s got just as many problems as I do and she’s doing her best we’re just a couple of impoverished slum dwellers doing our best.

Due to language and anxiety issues I have trouble accomplishing things like getting cooking gas delivered to the apartment meaning I can’t cook at home.  My medications are about $30 a month. But even if my roommate were to be more consistently available with my money I wouldn’t be able to do anything with it because I’m not pulling in any income and I’m basically counting down until I run out completely and, like, idk, die or something. If we ever manage to get AC installed it will only speed up this process. 

Basically what I am saying, is I desperately need money, for such a vast number of things that the immediate priority just needs to be seeing if I can’t maybe start pulling some in on the regs. Little quality-of-life adjustments are very much within reach. For instance, maybe I could start paying a couple dollars (or a few hundred rupees) a week to get a guy to drive me to a mall where there’s AC so I can stop having heat stroke for a few hours. Or maybe I can buy a library membership for something like $20 month and have a workspace and wifi whenever I feel like it. There are many, many things I can be doing to improve my circumstances, but they are all out of reach because of the increasing direness of my financial situation.

What I am hoping, is that I manage to start pulling in at least a few donations per month even if they are small and I can build up some momentum that way. 

[thesustainableswap]

Finding your happiness.

After spending a whole evening dwelling in my failures for my last post, it felt like a good idea to follow up with a blog on happiness. Where do I find mine?  The world we live in today seems to enjoy wallowing in misery and if you don’t believe me, turn on the news. It’s unlikely you’ll hear, ‘Nope, no bad news today. Instead, babies were born! The Earth has restored herself! All extinct animals have come back to life!’ (though, maybe not all extinct animals. I’m not sure human life would survive if dinosaurs roamed the Earth once more.)

So I’ve learnt to spend less time connected, less time watching the news and less time on social media. I have already deleted my Facebook account (that was the first thing to go after I watched The Great Hack. Scary stuff) and I try to make sure my Instagram is filled with people who I like and inspire me. On the flip side, my Twitter has become my angry, venting-about-politics place which works great for me because I feel like it helps me rage less in my brain or at others if I can just shout into the void of Twitter.

I love to write letters. To my best friends back in the UK and to my family. I’ve never been very good at keeping a diary but writing letters home gives me that feeling of unpacking my thoughts and sorting through them. When you write something out, you can see it for what it is. For example, if I were to write ‘I’m feeling uninspired and unproductive today’ I can then ask myself, well why am I feeling that? What happened today? And once you’ve unpacked all the reasons why, you can see the truth of your thought. Maybe you were feeling unproductive, but to combat that you focused on self care and had a bath, or watched your favourite film, or read a great book. Writing gives you power over your thoughts and your ability to confront and change them. 

I also love walking and cycling. Getting outside really helps me feel revitalised. I’ve started walking to work, which is around 40 minutes, and cycling back. As we’re turning from Autumn to Winter my walk has gotten so much more colourful and I love watching the sky start in greys and blues, slowly fading into jewel tones and then ending in a deep inky indigo. It’s a really magical feeling to see the clouds moving and feel the cold breezes on your cheeks. It reminds me to be present and to be alive in the moment.

As I mentioned in my previous post I also record music. I had been uploading covers onto youtube but I have put that on hold for the moment as it wasn’t bringing me joy. I still love to sing but I’ve mainly stopped recording covers because I’m inspired by and focused on recording my own music. So sitting down and listening to what I’m working on really fills me with joy. It makes me feel accomplished and upbeat. So, it’s important to clock what you don’t enjoy doing (for me, recording covers) and stop doing it. Really.

And Bobby. Bobby (my cat) is the easiest way for me to find happiness. Bobby sleeps a lot, he has a loud snore, he has to check under the bed before he jumps on the bed, he’ll meow the house down if he knows a tin of chicken or tuna is coming his way, he’ll also meow the house down if he’s looking for attention, he’s the chattiest cat I’ve ever met, he loves to climb on my chest and rub his face on mine... all of these things and more make me laugh and bring my mood up instantly. I’m not saying you should get a pet in order to fight sadness, far from it. A pet is a huge commitment. But if you do have a pet, you know that they bring so much love into life because they love unconditionally.

I don’t need to do a big soppy paragraph on my partner, my friends or my family. Of course they all bring happiness into my life. If you’re reading this, and you all know who you are, I love you all so much. Surround yourself every day with people who make it hard to sink into those dark days. And, make sure you always reach out. I know that if I’ve had a rough few days I can speak to anyone close to me and they will understand and bring clarity to my thoughts.

And here’s a few more ‘little’ things that make me happy: herbal teas, scrap-booking, taking pictures, going out for pizza, listening to new music, improving my french, playing bass, watching the Eiffel Tower sparkle.

If you’re struggling to find your happy, make a list. Also - read Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat. (I mentioned it briefly at the end of my last post but I’m mentioning it again because it really is amazing.) This post is inspired by the book as Mo says to write down all the things that make you happy, so here is my happy list.

Anyway, I think that’s enough for today. I’m feeling pretty content after writing all of that down, and I think you would feel the same if you made your own happy lists too. My next post will be on travel (which is convenient as I’m currently on holiday as you’re reading this, and will be for the next few posts. Oh the magic of scheduled uploads!)

Until next time,

The Sustainable Swap.

[go-diane-winchester]

The Travis Aaron Wade debacle and why you should care.

I only write about my boys, Jensen and Jared, and any harm that I feel is coming their way.  That harm comes from Misha's mobilizing and his poisonous fanbase.  So why am I talking about this?  It's got nothing to do with Jensen and Jared?  Well, actually, it does.  And I am starting to feel, maybe Wade is innocent.  I am not saying he is, because the case is still pending.  But, thus far, he has only been accused.  He hasn't been proven guilty.  I am an abuse survivor, having dealt with this horror three different times in my life, twice as a child and once as an adult.  If Travis did do any of this, I would back up his accusers, I don't care how much of a friend he was, to Jensen and Jared.  Abuse of any kind is intolerable and in Travis's case, some minors were involved.  That is unforgivable. 

Travis Aaron Wade, in case you didn't know, was accused of sexually harassing and stalking fans at cons and then via social media around 2015.  When I first heard this, I believed it because the allegations came at a time when I was fast asleep with regard to this fandom.  Even then, I frowned when a recognizable name popped up in this debacle:  Emily Rose.  So I guess I wasn't as fast asleep as I thought.  Emily is the fan who got into a fight with William Shatner over destiel.  He even accused her Anti-Bullying Twitter page of being biased.  I don't just believe anything this person's name is attached to, because she is a very devious creature.  So recently, I decided to dig deeper and came across a report on this case.  Upon reading it, I realized something.  Almost every single person who has accused Travis is either a minion or heller or both.  People mentioned in the case are also minions or hellers or both.  That is too much of a coincidence.  This is the list of the accusers and the affiliated parties in this case:

Ashley McClintic  [first accuser]

Theresa Cotter/Lua James  [fled California after Travis's home was vandalized]

Monica Gleberman [lied that she has sex with Jensen and Jared]

Lexi (Alexis) Cooper (@lexicooperxo / @hugsforthemish)

Stacy LePore

Emily Cleghorn [Emily Rose - refused to help Travis when his account was hacked]

Michele Villery  [Monica's friend - defamed Travis online]

Jackie Bojarski [Monica's friend - defamed Travis online]

Kristin Justice [claimed Travis kissed her in crowded room]

Reba Snodgrass (@RebaWinchester / @Mishanews)

Jessica Halliday 

Jenna DeViller

Kim Swartz

Falon Yates

Janelle Clay Davis [stalked Travis online mobilizing fans against him]

Rike Marie, or Melanie Adeline (@mishasdiary [sent nudes to Travis]

Dominique Teagle

Sgt Stephanie Fiebke [mocked Travis's military career]

Sara Burnhope

Katie Maie Aucter

Elizabeth Wera [told the truth and then retracted statement]

Michelene [only name provided in this report]

Jenna [no other name provided]

What are the odds?  The only people Wade went after were Misha's fans, and the only people who tried to help them were Misha's fans.  Nope!  Something is very off about this whole scenario.  This case is a legal one now, so there are certain receipts that are unavailable.  However, most of the information, corroborated with many receipts, is on this site:  http://www.spntrollsvstravisaaronwade.com/.  Be warned the some information is withheld due to the ongoing investigation and the reporter does become subjective.  There is also some hearsay in the report, something I am not crazy about.  Hearsay has no place in an investigative reports.  But the report is thorough, and has various receipts.  I am not telling you to believe everything.  I am just telling you to keep an open mind. 

After reading these reports, about the accusers and their accounts of the events, I have to say the whole situation seems fishy.  The accusers made really far-fetched claims and there is proof that some of them not only lied, but some of the sympathizers were stalking Travis for years now, hacking into his account and stabbing a knife into his front door with a note threatening to kill him, his family including the family dogs.  Two of the victims confessed to lying about the accusations.  The first is Lexi Cooper. 

The second is Reba Snodgrass [Mishanews] who was doing a con called Wayward Con, which is why she apologized to Travis.  She wanted him to do the con.  She did a video confession, but after being reprimanded by hellers on social media, she recanted the apology.  Many of the accusers set up gofundme and similar accounts asking for money for legal fees, but never approached lawyers.  The more I looked into this, the more sorry I feel for Travis.  I am not saying I know what happened, but so far, they look more guilty than he does.  Why was there such a full blown ambush against him?  If he is innocent, then there were some possible reasons. 

Travis was threatening the spinoff

Travis, and I didn't know this, is quite a popular actor, even amongst SPN fans.  Fans were choosing him over Kim and Briana.  If CW got wind of this, they might have cancelled the Wayward idea and pushed for something with Cole, Travis's character.  The hellers didn't want this because their logic was that if they could make Wayward happen, they could make destiel happen.  So they couldn't afford for Wayward to fail.  That is why Travis had to go.

Travis threatened Cockles

Apparently Travis has said something sweet about Jensen and Jared's friendship.  Clif [who is an idiot] made a big deal out of the whole issue because of the possible tinhat angle of what Travis was saying.  As a PR person, I would like to tell Clif: stop acting like a suspicious idiot.  No one is drawing more attention to the tinhat thing than you are.  Try being subtle, stupid fool.  You are causing more ripples, instead of letting it just slide.  Well, Clif was not the only one that was affected by Travis's lighthearted comments.  The hellers were adversely affected too.  There are tinhats amongst them, who believe that destiel is cockle's fault.  This man's admiration for a friendship rubbed them the wrong way.  He needed to be punished.

Threat to Misha's ''popularity''

Misha has been on the show for ten years.  No one is demanding for a spinoff for him.  Not even his own hellers perhaps because they know Jensen wont join Misha, and Castiel is not entertaining by himself.  This new guy pops up and suddenly he is very popular.  An account called Tara Larson appeared on Twitter, on the 22th of December 2017, accusing Misha of sexual harassment during his photo ops.  Any idiot can see that although none of the pictures are tasteful, they are requested and paid for by fans.  So that is not sexual harassment.  Fans gave their consent and none of them look like minors.  Neutral fans are many things, but they are not stupid.  The over-reacher's in our fandom are hellers.  The hellers allege that Travis's assistant Vicki did it to tarnish Misha's name.  Why would she do that?  What does Misha have to do with this debacle.  The evidence they use, is this one.  Vicki is grey.

However, if you read the whole exchange, you see this:

So Vicki knows what a bibro is?  She used to be a fan long before the word bibro was born, so she knows the fandom lingo that is not even part of all the fan's lexicon?  I know of hellers who don't know what a heller is.  Read the whole exchange here:

http://www.spntrollsvstravisaaronwade.com/events-by-year/2017-2/

Nope, the whole thing sounds suspicious.  Especially since, at the time when the account was started and active [it has probably been reported and removed now] Vicki and her daughter were, allegedly, both in surgery.  Possible scenario is that one of the hellers set up the Tara Larson account to make Travis look like a bully and to make Misha look like a victim.  Because why would Vicki do something like that and then confess to it like an idiot.  And on social media no less, even though monitoring social media is part of her job.  Either that, or they doctored the screenshot.  I think the hellers feel Travis was competition for Misha.  According to one heller, who knows Misha personally, this is what she said to Travis about Misha.

Now, a few of them are starting to feel the same way about Alex Calvert perhaps because he is a younger, handsomer, shinier new replacement for Misha.

Why I care and why you should

So far, I have received messages from hellers about Jared's ''bad working conduct''.  I have posted on people saying that he abuses his power and Misha on set.  One heller told me, Jared intentionally cracked her rib by hugging her too hard during a photo op.  I made a post about that.  Travis's reality today might be Jared's reality tomorrow.  They have accused him of racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia etc.  Whose to say they don't take this route tomorrow?  I mean, it hypothetically worked on Travis.  It might work on Jared.  Especially since, they hate Jared more that Travis.  And Jared is a friendly ''run across the road to meet the fans'' type of person.  One big accusation and boom! it's over.  Ironically, everyone distanced themselves from Travis when the scandal hit except Jared.  Eventually even he had to distance himself, perhaps by the behest of his manager.  It was far too sticky a situation.  Travis has dealt with the stalking, harassment and vandalism for three years and counting.  I think that is too much for anyone to deal with. 

Who knows what the legal outcome will be.  I don't know Travis well enough to make any claims about him.  Although from what I read, he does seem like a very stupid man with a big mouth.  A gullible sucker, if you catch my drift.  However, if someone out there does know the truth, please speak up.  Remember, if you know something about Travis that is incriminatory, and you remain quiet, you are part of the problem.  If you know of his innocence, help him, the way you hope someone will help Jared one day.    Either speak to Travis's lawyers or send a confidential email message to this reporter at:  info@spntrollsvstravisaaronwade.com.  Informant names will be kept confidential.

[bountyofbeads]

Mueller Rejects Trump’s ‘Witch Hunt’ Label and Warns of Russian Meddling

https://nyti.ms/2YiERaF

"There is one incontrovertible truth about the Mueller Report. It establishes, together with the FBI and CIA investigations, that your President was elected, in part, by Russia. That, together with the fact that three million more Americans preferred his opponent, will forever taint this President. His legitimacy is, and should always be, a massive question mark."

JOHN DAVID JAMES, CANADA 🍁

"Has anyone reported on why Senator MCConnell refuses to allow any legislation that would safeguard the 2020 election to even come up for a vote?" JOANNA SMITH, SANTA FE, NM

"Robert Mueller is an old-style, patrician Republican who devoted much of his life to serving the interests of the United States. People such as him have been driven out of today's Republican Party. But what he did was impart damaging information about this President and his actions. There was obstruction and there was no exoneration. Perhaps more significant, he elicited responses from Republican Members of Congress that highlighted how the Republican Party has devolved into a Trump Cult that cares little about truth, integrity or foreign attacks on our Democracy." PAT CHOATE, TUSCON AZ

"Mueller did not say Russia would attack our election again, he said they were attacking us "as we speak." Meanwhile, Democrats have already passed the Election Security Act and have sent it to the Senate, which would help states defend their election systems from attack and require a paper ballot back-up. But McConnell refuses take it up in the Senate. The outcome of the 2020 election hinges on battleground states like Michigan, Ohio and Florida, which Russia targeted last time (with help from the Trump campaign). It appears that McConnell does not care to prevent Russian hacking in these states, perhaps because he knows they will help Trump win." SHERRY, WASHINGTON

"My takeaway from today’s hearings is that impeachment can wait. Trump is not going to be convicted by the Senate. Democrats should focus on defeating him at the ballot box. Mueller and everyone else in this country knows that the Russians will be back to to help Trump win again. That is why Mitch McConnell, the traitor of the Senate, one of many Republicans who put party over patriotism, is refusing to allow a bipartisan bill to shore up and protect our election machinery. No paper trails will tell us if the count in closely contested states or any other state is accurate. Should the results be close , particularly if the Democrat loses, who but Republicans will believe it. Democrats should start demanding this bill be passed. Mitch has gotten away with enough obstruction. Put the pressure on him every day. That includes during his month vacation in August." MARY BETH, MA

"Several GOP panelists derided the Mueller investigation as prolonged and costly. Cost of Mueller investigation? ... through seizures of ill-begotten assets (eg Manafort forfeitures), it has more than paid for itself! Contrast the GOP Benghazi investigation on Clinton that went on for 4 years! ... with no indictments and no counts ... none (and no asset seizures)! Mueller’s investigation wasn't even 2 years, and already with 37 indictments and 199 counts and several in trump’s inner circle charged and in prison with more imminent." JOHN TOWNSEND, MEXICO

"In much the same way Trump demeaned, denigrated a former First Lady and Secretary of State; today the Republican Party did the same to another public servant. No 74 year old, War Veteran, public servant deserved to be spoken to the way Mueller was by the Republicans who questioned him. But then again, we saw with McCain how much this administration respects veterans. Never wandering far from the low moral bar their POTUS has set, Republicans today once more demonstrated how much they respect what were once established values."

DENISE, NM

"Today, it was reiterated that the sitting US President, Donald Trump, is guilty of the "high crimes and misdemeanors" of colluding with the Russians to attain the US Presidency in 2016, and of committing and continuing to commit the obstruction of justice in covering up his collusion. What we also learned today is that the rump GOP that remains, after all this Trump carnage, of what used to be the proud party of Lincoln, is willing to lie, to shill and to defend this narcissistic Russian owned clown to their bitter end. Sad. Humiliating. Depressing." JOE MIKSIS, SAN FRANCISCO

"That Special Counsel Robert Mueller III made a very grave statement about Russian tampering in the 2016 election for President and Vice President of the United States should be a very loud, resounding alarm to every citizen of this country demanding the assurance from every Board of Election in each state that their vote casting system is tamper-proof. And if there is not a very vocal public outcry to demand free and safe elections in this country, we are sunk as a democracy. There is no democracy of one person - one (tamper-proof) vote in the United States if we have Russian or any other outside interference. And yes, I continue to believe Donald Trump's tax returns will see a direct link between Russian interference - in many forms - vote tampering, money schemes, loans, and potentially blackmail that will bring this house of cards down. I think Trump knows this and continues his daily and relentless twittering directed toward whomever is disturbing his house of cards at the moment . All of his twittering behavior is simply to distract from the truth - which will be found in his taxes. And finally, Special Counsel Mueller, in his 11 minute televised address two weeks ago stated:, "if we had confidence that the president clearly did not commit a crime, we would have said so." Another shocking statement that should be sounding very loud alarms. That statement is yet another reason to issue court orders to subpoena Trump’s taxes." KKM, NYC

"Some of the media coverage of Mueller’s testimony today bothers me as a person who appreciates the American Constitution. The idea that the testimony was ineffective is ludicrous. The house majority did an excellent job of refuting Trump’s claim that there was “no collusion”. They also did an excellent job of meticulously outlining the actions that constituted that collusion. When Republican representatives pushed Mueller on making a political statement with his report, he pushed back vehemently. The American people who watched this testimony now have the truth as opposed to the spin that came from the White House. Hopefully citizens who love this country will uphold our democracy in the next election and today’s testimony gives us all some truths to take to the ballot box as we make our individual decisions." RMWARD, CONNECTICUT

"This is the best account I've read about what I witnessed on the live stream today. The one thing that no news articles have mentioned — I am not seeing hard core critique of the questions that were asked and statements made. The Republicans have so intimidated news media by attacking everything as "partisan" and "political" that the media posit a false equivalency between what one party does versus another, so as to refer to the parties equally. Thus there is not one word spoken about the odiously misleading and false statements and questions by the Republicans, oftentimes loaded with conspiracy theories. It is a disgrace that legislators feed these accusations to the public, and the press says nothing. Nunes telling Mueller to his face that the investigation was a hoax??? These guys are out front with Trump feeding delusions to the public. Many media are making the big news that Mueller seemed indecisive or shaky in his answers, all the while this public disgrace of Republican accusations that are completely disconnected from reality parades before the cameras and goes unmentioned — or else portrayed as equal to the serious and studential questions and comments of the Democrats. There are dangers headed towards U.S. democracy like a freight train. Please do more to wake everyone up to the dangers of claims that flagrantly violate known facts."

ANNE SHERROD

"The fact is, there is no law to say you can't indict a sitting president, neither is there anything in the constitution to that effect. It is simply a DOJ opinion that has been passed down over the years. It is not a high bar to expect that your president has not committed a crime. The simple answer: render the president accountable to criminal justice just as every American is."

YesIKnowTheMuffinMan, NEW HOPE PA

"If Russia can do it to Clinton, China will do it to Trump (and I expect they will). The GOP are unbelievably naive. China is much more experienced and skilled."

CHARACTER COUNTS, USA

"Putin is grinning ear to ear." CINDY, SAN DIEGO CA

"The best we can do is gather a great Democratic Party strategy, pick a candidate that can stand up to trump and beat him solidly in the 2020 election. Muellers report should provide plenty of reasons why trump and his cronies must go. The Democratic Party must insure that the Russians or any foreign country does not hack our election again." DR B, BERKLEY, CA

"Most questions were long winded, hard to follow and self served, aimed to impress the electorate base and embarrass Mueller. Republicans in particular excelled in irrelevancy, ranging form brash accusations to white noise generators. To his credit, Mueller chose not to play along and stayed within the scope of even the least cohesive question. Posterity will remember, hopefully, Mueller for his uncompromising and professional stance, focus on the job and carelessness for his public image. Picture him side by side with the president, and try to take in the difference." MIROCAL, SEATTLE WA

"They’re doing it as we sit here,” Facebook knows more about you than your parents. And they package that knowledge as a target for the highest bidder. As a Target. You and I are Targets. Cambridge Analytica leveraged those Targets to help Trump win. The Russian Government leveraged those Targets to help Trump win. Dear regulators, as a part of the Facebook settlement, how about banning Targeted political ads? Sure, the Supreme Court has ruled, in Burson v Freeman, that blackout periods for political ads are unconstitutional. But, it says nothing about Targeted ads. When I'm shown an ad for or against a candidate, I want to see what everybody else sees. I want to see everybody's response to that ad. Is it fake? Is it fair? One of the worse policies for political speech was the removal of the fairness doctrine -- where broadcasters were required to give free time to opposing views. Well, at the very least, it should be a requirement that ads for public office are truly public. Not some kind of guided missive keyed to my private data. Regulators, are you listening?"

IKO, HERE

"I believed Mueller. I wouldn't believe Trump if my life depended on it. Indeed, I would depend on this fact: Trump will always lie. He THINKS his lies are a "force of nature." I suppose we will found out just how strong they are. Because they are now exposed. Anyone who believes them now has no more excuses. Whoever believes Trump belongs to Trump. They are bought and paid for." PAUL GLASSON, GA

"I am frankly beyond being disgusted with these shameful Republican congresspeople. While they may believe the best defense is a good offense, and are aggressively trying to steamroll and invalidate a legitimate investigative process, I am not buying what they are selling. No amount of money or power could make me behave in such a despicable fashion, and the fact that they seem to be immune from self loathing for their behavior indicates what type of people they are to their cores. They dishonor this country."

GMR, ATLANTA

Mueller Rejects Trump’s ‘Witch Hunt’ Label and Warns of Russian Meddling

By Mark Mazzetti | Published July 24, 2019 | New York Times | Posted July 24, 2019 |

WASHINGTON — Robert S. Mueller III on Wednesday publicly rejected President Trump’s criticism that the special counsel’s investigation was a “witch hunt” and defended his conclusions about the sweeping Russian interference campaign in 2016, warning that Moscow will again try to sabotage American democracy.

The partisan war over his inquiry reached a heated climax during hours of long-awaited testimony by Mr. Mueller before two congressional committees. Lawmakers hunted for viral sound bites and tried to score political points, but Mr. Mueller refused to engage on those fronts, returning over and over in sometimes halting delivery to his damning and voluminous report.

Mr. Mueller remained a spectral presence in Washington over the past two years as the president and his allies subjected the special counsel and his team of lawyers to withering attacks. Speaking in detail for the first time about his conclusions produced occasionally dramatic moments where he ventured beyond his report to offer insights about Mr. Trump’s behavior.

When asked whether Mr. Trump “wasn’t always being truthful” in his written answers to the special counsel’s questions, Mr. Mueller responded, “I would say generally.” He called Mr. Trump’s praise of WikiLeaks during the 2016 campaign “problematic” and said it “gave a boost to what is and should be illegal activity.” He said that he and his team chose not to subpoena Mr. Trump out of concern that a battle over a presidential interview might needlessly prolong the investigation.

Democratic lawmakers had hoped that Mr. Mueller’s nationally televised testimony would provide a dramatic culmination to a yearslong saga: the special counsel translating the dense jargon of his report into a bleak portrait of the Russian interference operation and the president’s behavior since winning the election. The testimony would, in their minds, make the report both more authoritative and more vivid for Americans who had skipped reading it.

Some television pundits built up the drama by comparing Mr. Mueller’s appearance to some of the most galvanizing moments of the Watergate era.

For the most part, Mr. Mueller did not play along. He gave clipped answers to lengthy questions, and forced lawmakers to give their own dramatic readings of parts of his report rather than reciting the conclusions himself. He sometimes gave a forceful defense of his investigation and his team in the face of the Republican fusillade, but his answers were at times faltering. Throughout, he was careful to avoid straying from his report’s conclusions.

Mr. Trump has spent months characterizing the special counsel’s report as a “total exoneration,” though Mr. Mueller was careful on Wednesday to state that he and his team had drawn no such conclusion. The special counsel’s 448-page report, released in April, laid bare that Mr. Trump was elected with the help of a foreign power, and on Wednesday, Mr. Mueller was most impassioned when describing the contours of the Russian interference playbook.

“They’re doing it as we sit here,” he said of Russia’s tampering in American elections.

Looming over the hearing was the question of whether Mr. Mueller’s testimony might shift the ground in Congress and propel more lawmakers to push for Mr. Trump’s impeachment. Only one new call emerged for impeachment hearings by late afternoon Wednesday, from Representative Lori Trahan, Democrat of Massachusetts, and lawmakers will soon depart Washington for a summer recess. It was too soon to say whether the spectacle would change Americans’ opinions about Mr. Mueller and his work that have only hardened over time, and whether Democrats would return to their districts and encounter more vigorous calls for Mr. Trump’s removal.

The questioning on Wednesday reflected a bitter philosophical divide, both on the committees and in the country as a whole: whether it was Mr. Trump, or those investigating him, who committed crimes. Throughout the day, the Democrats hit the high points from Mr. Mueller’s report: the June 2016 Trump Tower meeting, the efforts by Mr. Trump to fire Mr. Mueller, the discussions between Michael T. Flynn and a Russian ambassador about Obama-era sanctions, the strategy by President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia to sow chaos before the election.

The Mueller report cataloged numerous meetings between Mr. Trump’s advisers and Russians seeking to influence the campaign and the presidential transition team — encounters set up in pursuit of business deals, policy initiatives and political dirt about Hillary Clinton, Mr. Trump’s 2016 Democratic opponent.

Mr. Mueller concluded that there was “insufficient evidence” to determine that the president or his aides had engaged in a criminal conspiracy with the Russians, even though the Trump campaign welcomed the Kremlin sabotage effort and “expected it would benefit electorally” from the hackings and leaks of Democratic emails.

On Wednesday, Mr. Mueller was asked about the Trump Tower meeting, WikiLeaks and the decision by Paul Manafort, the former Trump campaign chairman, to share campaign information with a Russian oligarch, and whether these episodes were a new normal for political campaigns.

“I hope this is not the new normal,” Mr. Mueller said, “but I fear it is.”

Republicans tried to flip the lens, peppering Mr. Mueller with questions about what they have long argued, with little evidence: that the F.B.I. opened a politically motivated investigation in 2016 with the aim of preventing Mr. Trump from becoming president. They focused on the research firm that commissioned the dossier by Christopher Steele, a former British intelligence officer. They focused on Joseph Mifsud, a Maltese academic identified by the special counsel as linked to Russian intelligence, and advanced unsubstantiated claims that Mr. Mifsud was actually under the sway of Western spy services.

Mr. Mueller mostly deflected those questions, saying the origins of the F.B.I. investigation predated his time as special counsel and was outside his purview.

Mr. Mueller was a reluctant witness and had tried to avoid the spectacle of a congressional hearing. In a brief public statement in May, he urged the public — and, by extension, members of Congress — to read his report, which he said “speaks for itself.” “The report is my testimony,” he said.

House Democrats were unmoved and chose to take the aggressive step of compelling Mr. Mueller’s testimony under subpoena.

[cinnaminsvga]

How do you think the characters in each of your AUs would like each other? So like tlhc!Jin and igwt!Jin and looh!Jin's reactions to each other, but also with the other people too. How would they react to themselves and each other? Who would team up, who would slap themselves, that kinda thing, if it makes sense.

this took me forever to answer because i wanted to give a substantial response to what i think is an interesting question!! this is so fun omg!!

there are quite a number of characters to go through, so the comparison will be under the cut for anyone interested in knowing about my stupid little aus!!

seokjin

ooph. well, we already know that in all my aus, i’d say all my seokjins are AT LEAST slightly deranged. like, even if you’d make the argument that igwt!jin was a bit more on the “practical” side, he’s still got his major cuckoo moments. but, i can SAFELY say that igwt!jin would be terrified of both looh!jin and tlhc!jin. hell, he’d probably arrest looh!jin for corruption or something. plus, he’d get triggered because looh!jin is uncannily like igwt!jimin, so that’s a definite no-no from him. also i feel like tlhc!jin would not like looh!jin either, and vice versa. tlhc!jin is much more… moral? i guess? and he genuinely cares for his friends, so that’s a plus. he’d probably beat up looh!jin, if i’m being honest.

in short: they’d all hate each other, mostly because they’d be mad that they’d have to share the spotlight or something LMAO

yoongi

oh boy. my sad, sad boys. all my yoongis have three defining traits: sad, gay, and addicted to churros. it be like that, i guess. i feel like tlhc!yoongi and igwt!yoongi would get along the best, seeing as how they’ve gone through some trials in the love department and have come out stronger and happier (?) as a result. as for looh!yoongi… well. for reasons i can’t reveal as of now, the two other yoongis would probably be… less keen with him. tlhc!yoongi would probably hate looh!yoongi, even. 

in short: i love my sad boys who have had their hearts broken once or twice. all of them probably hate me. but it’s fine, i love them very very much.

hoseok

HOOOOO SHIT. where do i even begin? well, for starters, igwt!hoseok would kick the SHIT out of tlhc!hoseok, no questions asked. damn, tlhc!hoseok would literally be dead in a ditch right now if the two of them met. looh!hoseok would probably just stand in a corner, watching and trying not to get in trouble. for that reason, i think igwt!hoseok and looh!hoseok wouldn’t get along either. igwt!hoseok is fun, charismatic, a risk taker, kinda weird but his heart is in the right place. looh!hoseok… pretty much the opposite. he’s calculating, that one. tlhc!hoseok wouldn’t like him though, even though they’re both on the “bad” side.

in short: igwt!hoseok is a gift to humanity and looh/tlhc!hoseoks can fucking rot. 

namjoon

we all know how tlhc/igwt!namjoons are like. the sweetest boys. i feel like they would get along very well, since they can relate to each other as they are both surrounded by their insane group of friends. i doubt they’d have the courage to confront looh!namjoon though, but they would both definitely try to give him a Firm Dad Talk™ which probably won’t work, if i’m being honest. looh!namjoon is probably busy drooling at the amount of vmins from the other aus, so he won’t be paying attention to his other au counterparts, that’s for sure.

in short: it’s a disaster. don’t let looh!namjoon escape the looh universe at any cost. 

jimin

do i even have to say it? like seokjin, all my jimins are kinda… chaotic. scratch that, they are VERY chaotic, all in their own ways. igwt!jimin would think both tlhc!jimin and looh!jimin are pussies though, ESPECIALLY looh!jimin. he’d probably chloroform him, tie him up, and beat the SHIT out of him until he stops being a whiny baby. tlhc!jimin is probably there, filming the whole thing for clout. 

in short: don’t let the jimins from any of my aus meet under ANY circumstance. that’s just a bad idea waiting to happen.

taehyung

tlhc!tae and looh!tae hate each other. end of story. although, my sweet baby tlhc!tae would probably be too sweet to show his hatred towards looh!tae, so he’d try to be civil, but fucking mcsnake over here would probably hack his twitter account and post incriminating tweets to ruin his rep. igwt!tae… he’s just… you know… he’s just trying to live my dude. probs would be bros with both of them, because he has no sense of danger and just wants to eat his eggs. they all eat egg sandwiches for breakfast, too.

in short: catch tlhc!tae and looh!tae stream their first boxing match on youtube on december 13th… stay tuned…

jungkook

MY FUCKING BABIES… NONE OF MY JKS ARE EVER BAD PEOPLE THEY JUST WANT TO HELP EVERYONE :’( tlhc/igwt!jk would DEFINITELy baby looh!jk the most because he’s going through a tough time right now… but they all went through such shitty storylines that they’d probably all hug each other,,, then when they’re happier, they’ll all go to the nearby maid cafe and compare their weeb swords with each other,,, SUCH SWEET BOYS WHO HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON THEIR SIDE

in short: best bunch of boys. puppers. all of them are TOO in love with their respective s/o’s. hearts of golds and brains of meme.

oc

tlhc/looh!y/n are terrified of igwt!y/n, but are any of us surprised? she’d probably scare the fuck out of them, but once they get to know her, then maybe… nah, this bitch is fucking crazy. but she means well. i can see tlhc!y/n and looh!y/n becoming really close, maybe even best friends. i’d love to make a crossover fic with the both of them? like, idk how that’d work but… yeah. i like their dynamic. igwt!y/n will make a cameo somewhere in there, probably inhaling ten churros in one go.

in short: my children. i love them. 

[pokefan531]

[MMD Story] Iris Berserks in April Fools (Collab)

So before I share the story here, I did an April Fools joke in Pikapika-2000's Discord Server that my Dicsord account, even Youtube, Deviantart, Twitter, and Tumblr, got hacked by Iris. I uploaded the video last week of Iris taking over my channel (and my friends too), and has the courage to tell off others in Discord.

The Discord Story was with a couple of people:

-MovieMaker X

-Pikapika-2000

-Lillie is Cute UWU (Both Professor Alex and I'm Back - Lillie The Scientist)

-Certified Avery (Vincent Edgeworth)

-CayCee

-Sasuke lol

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: I now owned this account!!! For more explanation, watch my new video I just put up, dorks!) [8:11 AM] (Iris: I hacked over Pokefan's account!! Now I gotta talk with you guys!! I even took over Pikapika-2000, MovieMaker X, and CN100eg's YouTube accounts!!)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 Ummmmm, what are you talking about?

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 Who are all of these people?

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: I now have access to this discord! Pokefan is no more! Now I own this account!! Pokefan's so lame! He has bad taste in girls!! Konata Izumi, the red hair girl who painted me, and worst of all, he allowed Ash Ketchum to stay in his place!!)

Sasuke lol — 04/01/2021 Oh no evil Iris is back for revenge

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 Evil Iris?

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: I came because I am looking for many of you! You need to watch my show, Best Wishes, not the one N edited!! Trust me, I'm gonna hack my way to Pokemon Journeys before the champ does!!)

Sasuke lol — 04/01/2021 :0

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 Ummmmm, i'm not too sure about that. [8:16 AM] Then again, i don't know what you are talking about so.

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 Me neither

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Well, I just took over four channels! Now you guys will watch my content!! I need more views and likes so I can beat the Pokemon Studio's ratings and beat Ash Ketchum and that better me!! Dare I say "The better me" again! I mean, the champ!!)

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 Watch out, it looks like we have a hacker here

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 Umm, i don't know wh--at---t----o-----sa--------y---------------

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 I am going to call my friend to take care of the matter [8:19 AM] OH NO

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 --------------"Ugh, come on laptop, function, AHHH--"-----------

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Oh yes!! Now I got you guys here into my trap!! It's April first and I must quickly get to Pokemon Journeys!! I bet you guys will see me there instead of the champ!!)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 What the heck was that!?

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Evil Iris: And now I'm looking for Steven and Wallace to give A STERN TALK!! They never let me talk to MovieMaker X, but too bad for them! I hacked their channel!! No more Steven and Wallace, or Maxie, or Avery!)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 Avery? you mean that psychic boy?

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Evil Iris: I would rant the entire thing on Vent Channel, but I don't care enough about your own problems, so I'll do it here!! And yes, that blond boy!! He's kicked out of Pika's channel to which I now own!! He's still in this server though!!)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 Ummm, i don't see him. [8:24 AM] you must be seeing things Iris.

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Evil Iris: Well he must be afraid of me then. I know Steven and Wallace come here regularly, so... Also you guys should hate Ash Ketchup and fries and all of Kanto, including the champ!!)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 Ummmm, why all of Kanto tho?

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Because of Ash Ketchum!! He ruined my life, and Misty and Brock act the same as him, so all Kanto people are like him!! I wanna destroy that region that day!!)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 I don't understand, so you want to destroy kanto, but doing that also meaning destroying Johto because they are next to eachother.

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Just Kanto! I don't give a farts about Johto! Also, I don't believe in Kanto Pandering!! They just want to put many Kanto stuff just to insult me and made me believe Ash Ketchum wants to rule over me, and that's his fault for doing it!!)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 ...that's weird, because i don't remember that.

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Well he certainly did!! He even decided to make that Let's Go Pikachu and Eevee game, and shoving ALL UP ON ME!!!! ENOUGH WITH KANTO ASH KETCHUM!!! STOP REMINDING ME HOW SUCCESSFUL YOUR SHOW WAS!!! Anyway, I plan to capture him one day without anyone else knowing)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 You are making no sense Iris!

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris! Yes I am!! He also helped the Pokemon Studio to ban me and I HATE IT!!! The people I beat up, they all deserve it!! I don't see what's wrong with that!! ASH KETCHUP IS THE ONE WHO HELPED LOOKER FIND THAT CHAMP!!! WORST THING OUR OF EVERYTHING!!! I GOTTA BREAK SOMETHING!!!!!)

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 Oh dear... someone has to break this argument up!

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 I'm not surprised they hate you, you are so very mad Iris!

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Breaks the window) [8:38 AM] (Iris: Finally! I'm back!) [8:40 AM] (Evil Iris: Anyway, I hope you guys start watching my new videos and even my show that is not edited by N! And no, all the hate I got is because of Ash Ketchum and Konata Izumi!) [8:40 AM] (Evil Iris: And don't watch the videos where Konata filmed me to make me look bad! She's so good at it!)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 I can't.

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: You better be! I'm just waiting to meet Steven and Wallace and even Avery here!! Oh, and I heard Maxie is here, but he's not on that often here, but he has a twitter account, and I have Pokefan's account there, so I'll trash talk him there)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 I'm from another world.

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: I've been to different worlds, I went to Skinny Zach Films, David Militello, CN100eg, and MovieMaker X! I couldn't hack Skinny Zach's youtube channel or David Militello, but I successfully did to the latter two!! No more Maxie video, and no more Steven and Wallace videos, and best of all, more videos from me on four channels!)

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 And it seems like my tech expert friend cannot do anything about it...

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: That's right! By the way, I remember someone's photo where the girls had fun and I wasn't allowed there!! Darn it, Champ!!)

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 yaaaaaaawn And I'm up, must have missed a lot lol

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 Be careful MovieMaker X

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Yes you did!! Watch my video because I hacked Pokefan's channel and discord server!)

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 This Iris person has ill will against you

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 ------STOP-------HER-----------STOP-----HER------------------------------------------------------- [8:51 AM] .......

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: So where's Steven and Wallace? I gotta give them a talk, after that whole thing with Cilan!!) [8:53 AM] (Iris: Oh, look who's here, Sordward and Shielbert!! You both know where Avery went? Also I took over Pikapika's Youtube channel! I have proof!)

Pikapika-2000 — 04/01/2021 No way you didn't >:( Evil Iris, stop taling over other people's channels >:(

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: I have proof! I just made a video about it!)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 Proof!? [8:55 AM] What Proof!?

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 How is mine still intact, then XDDDDD

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: My new video I just put on your-works channel) [8:56 AM] (Iris: You got it back?!?!?!? Who restored it?! Better me?! Gosh, why do I even bother saying the better me?!)

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 Perhaps my Hoenn buddies themselves already found out someone hacked the channel and reverted it as fast as they could XDDDDD

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 Why is Steven wearing glasses?

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Those dorks!!! I gotta give them a talk right now!!)

Professor Alex Why is Steven wearing glasses?

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that's part of my headcanon design of him, lol

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 Why Iris!?

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Both of them got Cilan to join them, a guy who now betrayed me, and now I have Bianca left all thanks to those two!)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 ------Bianca never------wanted to---------work with-----------you! [9:00 AM] -----She------Only-----Pretended!------

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Yes she does! She helped me find where those channel's live! Yes, Bianca can be a fool, who did nothing but celebrated with Team Skull and even hanged with Galar idiot like Piers!)

Pikapika-2000 — 04/01/2021 Maybe Avery and Leon reverted mine as well LOL

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 XDDD

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: What?!?! Darn it!!)

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 All of these people are much more competent than this friend of mine [9:02 AM] He never talks, only communicating in coughs despite being healthy as far as I know

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 ---------------------Iris------------Stop Lying!---

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: You mean Red, that Kanto idiot!! He's just like Ash Ketchum! Well at least I have Pokefan's and CN100eg's channels left!)

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 Red? [9:03 AM] Are you speaking to me, Iris?

REPLY:[@Iris (Pokefan531) (Iris: You mean Red, that Kanto idiot!! He's just like Ash Ketchum! Well at least I have Pokefan's and CN100eg's channels left!)]

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 Nope XDDDDDDDD

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 --------------I'll------Return----Soon----Iris!!!-------

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: I can't believe it?!?!?!? I had proof, and showed it in my video!! Darn it Maxie, the brown hair guy, and that robot freak!!)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 ----Hey Iris----Can you hear me!?---

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 Iris.

REPLY:[@Iris (Pokefan531) (Iris: I can't believe it?!?!?!? I had proof, and showed it in my video!! Darn it Maxie, the brown hair guy, and that robot freak!!)]

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 (I dunno, maybe Steven and Wallace knew this was going to happen and the moment it happened, they told everybody to revert their channels lol? How would I know, now they're busy sleeping XDDDD)

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 You did not answer my question. And that is not very polite of you... [9:07 AM] As if you were even polite to begin with.

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: I hear you, guys! Also, yes, I assumed you mean Red. He does not speak at all, and he's the third worst person I ever met, behind Ash Ketchup and the champ!

REPLY:[@MovieMaker X (I dunno, maybe Steven and Wallace knew this was going to happen and the moment it happened, they told everybody to revert their channels lol? How would I know, now they're busy sleeping XDDDD)]

Pikapika-2000 — 04/01/2021 Pretty sure they're tired after so much work they had to revert it no? xD Could be that :P

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 That could explain it lol

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 --------*Connection Stabilized, connection returned to...Earth*

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 I do not know who this Red you speak of is [9:09 AM] Let alone consider the possiblity that he is my friend

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris:.......WHY?!?! Steven and Wallace ruins everything!!! First they took Cilan away from me, and now they took my progress away?!?!)

Professor Alex — 04/01/2021 Ugh, I finally got it back, tho now I need to fix the profile.

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Because everyone knows that dork doesn't speak. He's just ............ That's it. It's so lame!)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Well well well, look who's back Iris!

REPLY:[Iris (Pokefan531) (Iris:.......WHY?!?! Steven and Wallace ruins everything!!! First they took Cilan away from me, and now they took my progress away?!?!)]

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 Listen, if you're gonna try to storm into their bedroom to try and wake them up so you can beat them up, maybe... maybe don't? .w.

Vincent Edgeworth — 04/01/2021 At least Winston coughs. I guess that counts as saying something...

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Good idea, X! I'll do that after venting here about my stuff!) [9:11 AM] (Iris: Oh...)

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 I SAID MAYBE DON'T, you're really gonna regret it if you wake them up from their nap .w.

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Even after all this time, you still don't realize who i am do ya Iris!

CayCee — 04/01/2021 IRIS MOVIEMAKER WILL DESTROY YOU IF YOU LAY A FINGER ON STEVEN AND WALLACE SO FOR YOUR OWN SAKE DON'T TOUCH THEM XD

REPLY:[@MovieMaker X Listen, if you're gonna try to storm into their bedroom to try and wake them up so you can beat them up, maybe... maybe don't? .w.]

Pikapika-2000 — 04/01/2021 And even then, it's not like they wouldn't notice. Iris stinks xD

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: And let's speak about this whole Iris stinks thing!! Guess what! I like the way I smell, and don't tell me to take a shower!! I'm tired of having everyone to tell me to take a shower!! Don't change my hygiene habits because I don't want to have one!! I'm tired of getting hygiene products every Christmas!!)

REPLY:[@Iris (Pokefan531) (Iris: And let's speak about this whole Iris stinks thing!! Guess what! I like the way I smell, and don't tell me to take a shower!! I'm tired of having everyone to tell me to take a shower!! Don't change my hygiene habits because I don't want to have one!! I'm tired of getting hygiene products every Christmas!!)]

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 You still ignore me huh, Typical Iris!

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: I saw it! Lillie the Scientist! Who are you?! Lillie?)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 I'm the one who plays as her yes.

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Lillie likes Ash Ketchup so she's no good!)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Lillie:Oh yeah, Well we all hate you Iris! [9:17 AM] Lillie:And don't you dare try to get near me!

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 Iris, who's that behind you? (OH NO... Perhaps Steven and Wallace were sleeping OUTSIDE instead... XDDDDD)

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: You guys are supposed to be my fans!! I will get....... HUH?!?!?! Steven! Wallace! Now it's time to give a stern talk to you both!!) [9:18 AM] (Steven and Wallace overheard Iris's yelling)

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 And they are NOT happy lol

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Marlie:Not to fast Iris!

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Marlie?!?! Who are you?! Anyway, I got something to say about you dorks!!) [9:19 AM] (Steven and Wallace cracked their knuckles at her)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Marlie:And i'll join them in this battle, you won't escape this time Iris!

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: No way!! You guys aren't strong enough!!) [9:20 AM] (Iris uses her spin attack!)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Marlie:*Takes out her katana and Attacks Iris*

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 (Steven begs to differ and slaps her hard with a straight face lmao)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Marlie:Nice double Attack we did Steven!

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Wallace: I got this discord account! I believe it belongs to Pokefan!) [9:22 AM] (Iris: Uhhh........Oww.........Wait!! That's mine!!!!!)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Marlie:*Points Katana at Iris* You won't be getting it that easily!

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: I successfully hacked his accounts!!! You must give it back to me!!!!) [9:23 AM] (Wallace kicks Iris while she's in the ground)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Marlie:*continues to point at Iris* Give it back or i'll stab you in the chest!

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 (Iris somehow managed to tackle Steven but he strikes back with a Thunder Shock XDDDD)

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: AHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! He's so...........strong................ Oooooooooooofffffffff)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 (Sammy, Marlie is trying to help you know)

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 (Yeah I know lol)

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Steven: You ruined our peaceful sleep Iris! You're so loud!!)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Marlie:Give the account back, Now!!!

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Group from Pokefan's Wacky House came back!) [9:26 AM] (Iris: Oww....... WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?!?!)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Marlie:Ah, there you guys are, hold her back long enough! [9:26 AM] Marlie:With help from Steven and Wallace of course.

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Wallace: Iris has your account, Pokefan, and your youtube channel!) [9:27 AM] (Konata: Looks like someone's naughty!  )

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Marlie:And if she doesn't give it back, I'll stab her, and I'm not joking around this time!

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Wallace hands Pokefan Iris's phone and remove the accounts from her phones) [9:28 AM] (Iris: NOOO!!!!!! I just got his accoun......) scratch from Marlie

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Marlie:Do you like that iris!? [9:29 AM] Marlie:Because i can do it again!

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Growl NO MATTER, YOU'RE UP NEXT, WALLACE!!!) (And Iris tackles him too, but then he uses Hydro Pump to wash her lmao) (Iris: EWWWWWWWWW)

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: Let me go!!) (Konata: I believe you no longer have any control of Pokefan's account, Iris) (Iris: Don't scratch me Marlie!!)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Marlie:Oh yeah? *Scratches Iris again* You can't tell me what to do Iris!

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Iris: ..........Ow....) [9:32 AM] (Bea: And here's a one kick for hacking our friend here, and waking Hoenn Mineral duos up!) [9:32 AM] (Kicks Iris to the sky and she lost contact here)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Marlie:She just doesn't know when to give up huh.

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Bea: Definitely!)

MovieMaker X — 04/01/2021 (Lmao Steven and Wallace still aren't happy, so they walk back to where they were resting in a hammock and go back to sleep lol)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Marlie:have a good rest you two, hopefully iris doesn't wake you two up again/

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Konata: Same, and thanks got being here, Lillie and Marlie!)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Lillie:No problem. Marlie:If it weren't for Lillie getting the stabilizer working, we wouldn't be here to help you guys.

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Bea: Totally ladies!)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Lillie:Say, do you know where that strange signal was coming from anyways?

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Konata: No. Not sure how Iris hacked to our channels)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Lillie:Strange, as we were getting strange signals too, tho they seem to be coming from another universe.

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 (Bea: Yeah)

I'm Back - Lillie the Scientist — 04/01/2021 Lillie:But atleast i was able to get the Stabilizer to work.

Iris (Pokefan531) — 04/01/2021 Konata: Nice!!

[Twitter's Conversation with MovieMaker X, Pikapika-2000, and CN100eg] [On Twitter's chat:] [Link to the video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkleJp… ] (Iris: Watch it!! Youtube is an idiot for not choosing the right thumbnail!!)Iris (Pokefan531) Apr 1, 2021, 8:08 AM

Gemini Man: Oh no.... Iris took our channels!! Maxie: We're being hacked again?!? CN100eg Thu 9:34 AM (Iris: That's right you two!!) Iris (Pokefan531) Thu 9:35 AM Greece: First it's Ash... Then Sordward and Shielbert... And now Clone Iris?! CN100eg Thu 9:36 AM (Iris: Yep! I got kicked out from Discord because Steven and Wallace and Lillie and Blonde Marnie (Marlie) got me! Now Pokefan got his discord back, as they again ruin my life) Iris (Pokefan531) Thu 9:37 AM They had every right to kick you out because 1. Marlie knows how bad you are already, and 2. You woke up Steven and Wallace, and interrupting their nap is never a good idea lmao MovieMaker X Thu 9:39 AM

(Iris: The beginning of this convo) Iris (Pokefan531) Thu 9:44 AM

(Sammie proving CN100eg's channel is normal XDDD)

Maxie: That's right, I reported to Steven Stone about this! CN100eg Thu 9:48 AM Iris: Seriously, those freaks are always stopping me from doing something good for me! Iris (Pokefan531) Thu 9:50 AM

(Iris: The start of Steven and Wallace appearing in front of me!)

(Iris: Steven and Wallace just showed up behind me!) Iris (Pokefan531) Thu 9:52 AM Greece: Also, this is what you get for what you did to us back at August! CN100eg Thu 9:52 AM

(Iris: Me trying to fight all those fools, but they just beat me before I could)

(Iris: The last time I was seen before Pokefan got his account back!) Iris: All I did was to get them to see my videos and tell them to not support Ash Ketchum Iris (Pokefan531) Thu 9:57 AM Maxie: Too bad. CN100eg Thu 10:00 AM (Iris: At least I still have this twitter account. No one else knows about it yet) Iris (Pokefan531) Thu 10:02 AM

Credits/Ported By:

Iris - Darkliger01 (Modified by me)

Marlie - Arisumatio (Modified by MegaNep)

Lillie - MikuMikuKnight & New3DsSuchti

Steven and Wallace - MovieMaker X

Pokemon SM Stage - Jakkaeront

[segadores-y-soldados]

Fic Updates

Hola, hola!

This here is JUST the fic update information for my fics “Old Habits” and “New Wars” (aka the “And Overwatch For All” series).  The short version goes like this:

Moira has been integrated into the overarching plot of “And Overwatch For All”

All the OCs have survived.  Or well.  They survived only to die.  You get what I mean.

Major changes have occurred to Gabriel/Reaper’s backstory.  This is the big one that is causing me to take the time to rework things.

Because of this, I am currently rewriting major portions of Old Habits.  Yesterday, I finished a major rewrite of chapter 10 (the “evil council is introduce” chapter).  I have the majority of chapter 11′s rewrite done and hope to finish that today as well.  With luck, I will start working on a rewrite of Chapter 13.

Shockingly, I’m keeping a lot of the “present day” plot elements the same (aka, all the stuff leading up to Recall), with minor changes to the Eichenwalde battle to fit in “Honor and Glory.”

More under the cut!

For those of your who have been waiting patiently for information on “And Overwatch for All” I do have some good news that I’m finally ready to share:

Moira has been integrated into the plot.

I got a number of comments here and on twitter that were really supportive of my current version of “AOFA” and I just want to say, thank you all so much.  It means a lot to me that you guys have liked the version of Overwatch I’ve built up and that you found all the characters, including my silly OCs, to be engaging and well-written.  It was soul-crushing to think I would have to lose some of them, but after some time and doing more research on Moira, I feel ready to talk more about her and how she’s going to factor into the updated plot.

To start off with:

None of the OCs will be cut, but some of their roles will change.

Lmao, this surprised me as well, but I’ve figured out a few different ways to make all of the OCs, especially the very obviously contrived “Death Agents,” stick around in the updated plot.

Only one OC (and you can probably guess who, if you’ve started “New Wars”) will change names: the character called “Reaper” in “New Wars Chapter 1″ (the “young Hanzo chapter”) will be called “Reaver.”  This is due to his updated role in the plot.  His background has changed only slightly.

If it wasn’t apparent, this “Reaper” was meant to act as a plot device to cause confusion over Gabriel/Reaper’s actions after the fall of Overwatch, but that has changed because:

I’m switching to Crisis-era and “undercover mercenary” Reaper.

THIS ISN’T A SPOILER FOR MY OWN STUFF, I PROMISE.

This is revealed as early as Old Habits “revised chapter 2.”

If you’ve read some of my more recent posts on Moira, you’ll know that I’ve switched over to supporting the idea that “something went wrong with Gabriel Reyes during SEP/the Crisis.”  This is due to the fact that you can find a folder labeled “Soldier ID: 24″ in Moira’s Oasis lab, that Michael Chu said that Reyes was interested in getting her help on “matters of genetics,” and that this appears to mesh the “Reaper has existed for decades” concept in Reaper’s hero profile.

Truth be told, I’ve actually been a supporter of this idea of “Gabriel has been Reaper behind the scenes for decades” plot point for a long, long time, almost as long as I’ve been posting Old Habits.  “Reaper”/“Reaver” was semi-messy OC that attempted to bridge Reaper’s original hero profile with the “Old Soldiers” explanation that Gabriel/Reaper gave that “Jack and Overwatch ‘left [him] to suffer.’”  However, I also knew when writing Old Habits that the “Mercy is evil” theory was ALSO not true, so I was kinda stuck:

“If Gabriel = Reaper for decades, why did he appear to blame Jack and Overwatch for his current condition?”

My original solution was to make “Reaper” a different character and have him operating the situation in the background (like a mystery story), but over time this solution got trickier and trickier to work with.  With Moira, I have a chance to rework much of Old Habits/AOFA to better suit some of the details that have come out since drafting it.

This does mean, unfortunately, that all the “76+127″ content is going to become its own, standalone series.

To switch over to integrating “Soldier: 24,” the “76+127″ stories will have to become their own standalone series.  Don’t worry - I’m not deleting anything.  Old content from “Old Habits” will be moved to their own fics, so you can read the whole thing in chronological order.

A new version of my updated ideas on SEP has already started being drafted.  Writing it out is just a matter of time at this point, haha.

The conspiracy/Talon council “mysteries” will become more transparent almost immediately.

With Moira, I finally get the chance to explore some of my ideas in “full format” instead of the kinda awkward “Sombra hacking a chat log” parts yall originally got.  This DOES mean that written portions will suddenly be much, MUCH longer.  For example:

Old Habits original chapter 10 (Sombra hacks an SSO chat log): 17 pages

Old Habits revised chapter 10 (Moira discusses the Route 66 battle with council members + Sombra hacks a chat log): closer to 34 pages

The explosion fight has been changed.

Because of the changes to Gabriel’s plot, the nature of the explosion fight between him and Jack has changed significantly.  It does incorporate new information that Moira revealed.

If it wasn’t obvious, I’ve had a draft version of my ideas for the fight sitting in GDocs for about a year now, and I use that for all my flashback/memories, and also for when Reaper and Soldier: 76 are arguing in the present.  There was a major plot point in the explosion fight that I was extremely uncomfortable with, but found it to be “solid angst material.”  In retrospect, I dislike this plot point and have removed it for another plot point that sits better with me, and fits the overall story more comfortably (I think).

So yes, I DO have a new draft of the explosion fight - written completely from scratch, 100% different in tone and emotionality.  Parts of this should begin to show in updates to Chapter 13, when Soldier: 76/Jack reflects on some of the fight.

The Goal:

The goal for AOFA right now is to update Old Habits in “two big batches” - update the first half (Chapters 1 - 15) within 1 - 2 weeks, and then update the second half (Chapters 16 - 31) shortly after.  Optimistically, before January, but realistically, closer to late-January/early-February.

I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to notify people of changes to an AO3 chapter that’s already posted...through AO3, so for now, please keep and eye on my tumblr and twitter accounts, where I will start linking to updated/changed chapters there.  I will likely also put up a “placeholder chapter” on “New Wars” with all this information, where you can find links to updated chapters in both “Old Habits” and “New Wars,” but if anyone has better suggestions, I’m all ears.

Thank you all so much for your patience!  I hope I can start putting up some of these changed chapters soon!

[rayadraws]

Hero FB adventures

This is the result of me, @jenny-opm, @shorthairsonic, @dibujos-de-la-orilla and @criscura talking about the concept of our boys (and their friends) using Facebook and what that might lead to... It led to a really fun discussion, so I’ve collected it as points here for anyone curious. It’s about 2.6k long so I’ll put it behind a Read More. Enjoy XD

Dr. Kuseno, being a technical genius, takes to Facebook like a duck to water, having no trouble navigating the site. However, he still acts like a stereotypical grandpa on there - when Genos posts a status along the lines of “Rainy day, perfect for a movie” Kuseno comments with “Indeed my boy, try not to catch a cold and send Saitama my regards. Kuseno.” He occasionally also teases Genos, such as sending him a photo of an electric whisk with the caption “your next upgrade is ready.” (In a misplaced attempt at being kind he tags Saitama in all ads for hair growth treatment he comes across… but at least he also tags him when he finds an unusually good sale)

It is actually thanks for a birthday post from Kuseno that Saitama learns when Genos’ birthday is the first time! He catches the borg sitting and smiling while looking a his phone, which is unusual - usually if he’s on the phone it's something from the HA, which normally has him frowning.

Neither Saitama nor Genos have a lot of friends on FB (to start with, at least). It’s mostly their closest friends such as King and Mumen. Genos also has Metal Bat added, who gives him (good natured) crap on near everything he posts.

Bang is the hopelessly confused Facebook grandpa, struggling to understand how it works. Poor Charanko does his best to help him… “How do I search here?” “You have to go to the search bar… No, that’s where you write your status” “My what?”

Once he does get the hang of it, Bang comments every time someone posts about themselves doing any sort of sporty activity with “Looking good! Ever think about coming by the dojo?” (It gets to the point that FB warns him for posting the same thing over and over and everyone is starting to suspect that his account has been hacked by a virus that just keeps promoting his dojo - poor Charanko is accused of setting it up)

Metal Bat SPAMS FB with videos of Zenko’s piano shows. Everyone knows about her recitals a week in advance because he keeps hyping it up. He also has a soft spot for posting glamour selfies.

Saitama posts a lot of blurry cat photos with no caption and sometimes food pictures. He posts at all kinds of random hours of the day, almost never answers anyone, his photos are low quality and he posts a lot of odd YouTube links.

Genos likes every photo of Saitama and uploads his own - somehow, Saitama always looks far less derpy in Genos’ photos (he’s studied all his best angles).

Genos has no shame and starts liking all photos of Saitama, going through every tag ever - meaning once in a while someone who went to high school with Saitama suddenly gets a like from Demon Cyborg on a photo taken 12 years ago. Unsurprisingly, people are SHOCKED at this and it takes them a while to figure out why - until they notice how he keeps tagging Saitama on his page. This is the only kind of interaction they get online with Demon Cyborg and people start tagging Saitama in photos in the hope of getting response from him. They slyly get photos of him in public and post and tag him in the hope of a response. As long as he’s awake (he’s a heavy sleeper) Genos likes them instantly, unknowingly rewarding his fans for their behaviour.

Genos never accepts friend requests from any non-heroes but Saitama sometimes does because “maybe that name’s familiar idk whatever” and some of Genos’ fangirls manage to befriend him on Facebook, consequently seeing his photos… causing them to just about spontaneously combust - “Did you SEE that photo of Demon Cyborg in an apron?!”

Genos notices this and tells Saitama that he is NOT to post his 124 bedhead pics of Genos to Facebook. Saitama forgets(?) and posts 53 of them anyway before he remembers he wasn’t supposed to. He tries to cheer Genos up - “But look at how many likes and shares they’re getting! This doesn’t even happen with the cat pictures!” Genos is not impressed to see his groggy-ass self on a million message boards (and tells Saitama that “...to be fair, Sensei, sometimes it’s hard to tell if they’re cat pictures.”)

Saitama is enjoying this game (not quite realizing the scope of this all) - sneaks a pair of cat ears on Genos, takes a photo and uploads, enjoying the storm afterwards.

Facebook suggests that Saitama upload a photo album that is just the same photo of Genos doing the dishes at slightly different angles and he’s like “why not” and posts that as well. This is followed up by a little video of him singing quietly and dancing a little while washing the dishes.

One day they come across a group of Demon Cyborg fans on the street who come up to them and ask if Genos could sign their photo books - they’ve printed a bunch of pictures from their FBs, full of like bedhead and apron pics (“Mr. Demon Cyborg sir I LOVED that video of you dancing with the mop!”). Genos can’t even process what’s happening and signs them with a stunned expression, while Sai takes one of the books, looking through it and pointing out his favourites. “Hey, I remember this one! Aw, dude, where’s this shirt? You look nice in it, I haven’t seen it in a while.” (“Mr Demon Cyborg I didn’t know you had feet slippers!” - a small part of Genos dies)

Saitama starts getting bombarded with requests on Facebook. “Get him sleeping!” “Get him laughing!” “Can you get him to pose in that white shirt, maybe with the ripped jeans?”

Saitama starts uploading little videos, such as himself telling Genos a bunch of puns as they go through a store. Eventually he figures out how to cut videos into clips and bombards Genos for two days to get “material”. It does get a bit overwhelming in the end however, so he tells the fans that he can’t take more pictures because his phone ran out of memory. To his despair, this leads to fans sending them shipments of memory cards, cameras and gift cards for even more stuff and it’s all very unnecessary. He even receives a brand new phone from “a fan”.

(The good side is, with all this training he is getting progressively better at taking pictures)

One day, the daily picture he uploads is very sad - just an empty chair with the caption “He’s at repairs” :(

Another day however, Saitama goes to upload a photo of Genos in his apron, but it’s… the wrong apron picture. He accidentally uploads a naughty pic, oops. It’s not the most obviously naughty one, not enough to get them banned from FB (and Genos has no nipples, anyway…) but it’s pretty obviously not meant for the public.

Genos is at first (rightfully) mad at Saitama… until they get like a million really nice apron lingerie sets in the mail. To get back at the other, he uploads a photo of a bare-chested Saitama - not at all prepared for the onslaught of “HOLY SHIT” responses, growing possessive instead of mad when the fans start screaming for more.

Saitama tries to take a good shot of himself but eventually Genos, even through being annoyed, takes the camera from him and gets a good picture. Fans ask for even more and a bewildered Saitama replies with “Um, sure?” uploading a half-naked bathroom selfie, where he’s still wet with a towel wrapped around himself. People go wild. (Genos can’t decide if he wants to delete the picture or share it so it’s on his wall as well. He is… conflicted.) (A less successful picture shows Saitama absolutely ripped, but unfortunately with a prominent double chin, like that time he played video games at the HA - selfies are hard…) (“Mr Saitama, can I request the ripped jeans again, but this time with you wearing them..?”

Unfortunately their shenanigans do not go unnoticed at they get called in to HA’s Public Relations for the umpteenth time. Their attempts at getting the heroes to take it down a few notches is made more difficult by them referring to Amai’s latest “I’m about to have sex” album cover as proof they aren’t out of line.

Amai Mask, in his defence, maintains that his pictures are “classy” and “done professionally”. Saitama responds with gesturing to a photo of Naked Apron Genos frying eggs - “This is classy!”. They continue with pointing out that more than likely, if they stopped, people would complain to the HA and they’d have to explain it was the HA who stopped them in the first place... (And really, the HA shouldn’t complain, Saitama and Genos are earning them so many donations….) "THEY CURED MY CANCER AND WATERED MY CROPS AND BLESSED MY CAT HERE'S MONEY" - “They did what now?!” - the HA representatives don’t even understand what this means but eventually lets it all slide. (The only one who understands the references is their intern managing the official HA twitter, but no one cares about their opinion…)

With all this material, Genos’ fan club is getting a lot more activity than Amai Mask’s, which doesn’t go unnoticed. Amai tries to upload “accidental photos” too in an attempt to become the centre of attention, but they are all obviously fake, such as “I woke up like this” pictures of him with perfect hair and makeup, nothing like Demon Cyborg’s messy hair and squinting eyes.

Amai tries again - “Oh no guys you won't believe this but, i was doing my make up right and omg my cat walked on top of my phone and took this photo of me lol” - someone digs up an old interview where Amai states that he’s allergic to cats (that someone is Genos). He also uploads a photo of a cup from Starbucks which has “To the prettiest guy I’ll see today” written on it and claims he got it (until someone points out that’s a photo from Google).

Meanwhile on Saitama’s FB page, a new video of an unaware Genos twitching in his sleep has just been uploaded, caption “look he’s dreaming shhh”

Saitama just happens to be awake late that evening and passes the time surfing FB, commenting “y’all never go to bed huh” when he sees the immediate responses - given how big Genos’ fanclub is, there’s always someone who’s awake. In fact, this video is more than likely to wake a number of fans up to scream over it. Saitama makes a little livestream showing off their cups as he brews himself some tea (“this is my cup. That one’s Genos’. We found it in a thrift store after he accidentally dropped the last one.” He finishes with showing Genos sleeping again and saying “see he’s sleeping now you all go to bed too”.

One day he posts a still picture of the sleeping borg, with the caption being just “I love him”.

It takes a while, but once the fans understand that their love is real and not changing, some of them start to (not always so) subtly suggest he should propose, such as tagging Saitama whenever a jewellery store has a good offer (they’ve picked up on his love for sales).

One day everything is quiet, then Saitama posts simply “He said yes” (or perhaps it’s just a picture of their hands wearing the rings) and FB EXPLODES. People ask for photos and Saitama replies with “All I got is him ugly crying oil everywhere” and the fans go “POST IT.”

After they’ve gotten engaged things get a bit more quiet, with Saitama just posting the occasional update like “he’s going to marry me” and “he’s going to be my husband”. “I want the date to be on his birthday but that’s too long of a wait” ,“he loves me”.

Fast-forward a bit. It’s been quiet for a while. Genos has barely posted anything but one day Saitama’s FB friends see that he’s been tagged in a picture that turns out to be a photo where Saitama appears to be passed out on the futon, drooling in his sleep and surrounded by empty pizza cartons. Caption “my husband to be”. (The picture completely blows up on FB)

Fans start speculating on their outfits, causing Saitama to sweat - he hadn’t planned that far ahead. He asks for suggestions and they end up covering the entire colour spectrum. He even enquires a little bit to hear if there’s anyone who’s a real actual wedding planner among their fans, it might work out…

In the end, they decide on a small private wedding, but Saitama does suggest he might be able to livestream it. He gives no date or anything to go by, however. In an attempt to keep it hidden, they end up hosting it at the dojo, hoping the stairs might also deter some potential invaders. (Bang is more than happy to host - maybe he can convince some people to join the dojo. The stairs aren’t a problem for the heroes, mostly - King does text Saitama with “I’m here can you pick me up” once he arrives at the bottom whereas Mumen handles them himself - but makes sure to arrive very early so he’ll have time for a shower before the ceremony. Saitama suddenly starts the livestream out of the blue on FB, writing “k its happenin!” and a bunch of fans tune in. (Hopefully Bang won’t hear about the livestream or he’ll start advertising on it, too…)

They get married!!

(Back to where we started - how does Kuseno react to all this FB shenanigans? Well, more than likely he doesn’t spend too much time on FB, but he does check periodically, probably catching at least a couple of the pictures of Genos sleeping and in his apron and whatnot. As always, he replies good naturedly - “glad you’re getting your rest son”.

Kuseno also has a habit of going full-on Geek and writing very long explanations regarding Genos’ body sometimes - such as explaining why he twitches in his sleep, or an explanation on how his cooling systems work in response to someone writing “WAAAHHH WHY IS HE SO COOOL” on one picture. Unfortunately, Kuseno doesn’t realize that his FB is set to friends only, so only Saitama and Genos see these comments…)

Bonus: Saitama occasionally tags Genos in pictures he takes of cheap bootleg Demon Cyborg merch he comes across, disappointing fans hoping to see a new photo of him, only to be met by his asymmetrical poorly painted face on an action figure. “It’s not even official merch…”

Saitama has a habit of buying the especially poorly made ones because “they’re funny”.

One fan asks one day if Demon Cyborg owns any merch and Sai uploads a photo of all the stuff he keeps in the apartment with the caption “And even more stuff at his docs”.

The fans are stunned - but some are also like “ok but where do I get these things?!”

"says he special ordered them or w/e" "oh this other one was from HA" "oh... he says it's out of stock" "he has the stock" ”Maybe if you ask him real nice. Doubt he’ll let go tho he only has like 278 of them” ”...he informs me he has 289”

The fans try to barter with Genos, such as offering to draw a NEW Caped Baldy posted in return for one of those charms. At this point Saitama is starting to wonder why he has to be the bridge between fans wanting Caped Baldy merch and Genos. Genos doesn’t seem to want to talk directly to his fans, but eventually agrees to use Saitama’s account, basically pretending to be him - the fans do eventually get their merch, but are confused as to why Saitama suddenly seems to turn a lot more serious and formal whenever it comes to merch talk (and is that 10 page terms of service really necessary?!) but at least in the end they get a super rare piece of merch not available anywhere else (because Genos bought them all).

[misssophiachase]

Happy AU Week! So, this is my take on a Klaroline fusion with the Bold Type (which is an amazing TV Show if you haven’t seen it yet, and btw I’m so excited they got another two seasons). Image not mine FYI. 

Three twenty-something girls working for a women’s magazine in New York City navigating their way through life and love. Although not expecting the heads of a rival publication to ruffle their feathers so much. 

Living Out Loud

Butter, Midtown – 70 West 45th Street

The magazine’s 30th anniversary party was in full swing. Caroline Forbes looked around proudly knowing that every element carried her signature style, even down to the colour coordinated macaroons.  

Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. She ran her palm along her lace, violet dress, thankful that even with her dismal salary the magazine had a perfectly stocked, designer wardrobe to borrow from in times like these.  Their Editor-in-Chief was in the middle of the room, champagne flute in manicured hand and from the satisfied smile on her face, Caroline knew she was pleased with the event she’d so meticulously planned for the past six months

If anyone could organise an event it was Caroline Forbes and, sure, she loved it but wanted more and after four years at Arabella Magazine, she was ready for a new challenge. Unfortunately, what she wanted was highly competitive to obtain. Positions in the magazine’s fashion department were extremely rare and even then they required some kind of relevant experience. Something Caroline, as a finance major, didn’t possess.  

“Kat is pissed,” Bonnie interrupted.  She turned to her friend; dressed in a stunning, pink, halter neck, floor length gown, her dark tresses falling in waves past her shoulders. As much as she loved her deeply thoughtful, writer friend Caroline knew she had a tendency to worry over nothing.

“So, what’s new?” Caroline asked, taking a long sip of her champagne. “Kat is pissed when the guy at Starbucks gets her coffee order wrong. Between you and me I don’t blame him given her long list of unrealistic demands.”

“She’s currently in a twitter war of words with GQ Magazine.”

“About what exactly?”

“She retweeted their article about dating a feminist and told them if the magazine was going to write something they might like to look up the definition in the dictionary first.”

“Ouch. Watch out GQ,” she chuckled. No one ever entered into a debate with Katherine Pierce about feminism and emerged unscathed.  She was Arabella’s Social Media Director and, although incredibly impulsive at times, their editor loved her passion and commitment. “I hardly think she needs our assistance, Bon.”

“You know who their new Editor-in-Chief is, right? That guy can hold his own.” Caroline gave her a look which plainly said she didn’t before she continued. “Enzo St John.”

“The same Enzo St John from Esquire Magazine?”

“Formerly of Esquire you mean,” she shot back. “He’s finally joined the Mikaelson family empire since marrying Rebekah last month.”

Mikaelson Publishing was well known, especially throughout New York City where their headquarters were based and had an impressive number of quality publications, including the highly popular Men’s Magazine GQ, in their stable. Although Caroline didn’t know the family personally she’d read an article in Time about their metaphorical rise from meagre beginnings in rural England to becoming media royalty in the Big Apple.

It didn’t hurt that they weren’t entirely bad to look at either. Elijah, the eldest, was the revered CEO and rumoured to own at least five hundred suits, Kol the Chief Financial Officer was often described as a cheeky womaniser and youngest sister Rebekah, the Communications and Marketing Director, was stunningly beautiful but incredibly icy. 

However, it was Chief Operating Officer and middle brother Klaus that made Caroline slightly weak at the knees. He was a Harvard Law and MBA graduate. She wasn’t quite sure whether it was the steely blue-eyed gaze, sexy stubble, sinful crimson lips or those deep set dimples. She’d come to the conclusion it was probably a mixture of everything, including the power and intelligence he exuded in the accompanying photographs.

Still, if Caroline knew anything looks and brains didn’t guarantee a winning personality and from all reports they were incredibly difficult. She figured you didn’t get that far career wise if you weren’t.  

“Lucky Enzo,” she joked.  

“Kat’s going crazy,” Bonnie said, holding up her cell and showing her the increasingly terse twitter exchange. “I’m not sure she can be responsible for her actions.”

“Fine,” she conceded, noting the tweets had moved on from decidedly terse to slightly offensive. “Where is she now?” 

“According to Friend Finder, she’s at the fountain in Central Park no doubt shouting insults and punching the cell keypad beyond repair.” Caroline rolled her eyes, gesturing to the exit as they made their way towards it.

“How many times have I told you not to walk around the park by yourself at night?” Bonnie offered as they approached their best friend, dressed in a stunning, gold gown that brought out her naturally olive complexion.

“I wouldn’t have activated ‘Find My Friend’ if I knew you were going to go all protective like on me, mom,” she scowled, not even bothering to lift her eyes which were focused on her phone screen intently.

“Someone’s in a mood,” Caroline teased, taking a seat next to her friend on the side of the fountain while Bonnie took the other.

“Whoever this guy is, he’s an ass,” she growled. “Apparently I’m the one who needs a dictionary, can you believe that? At least I stand by my convictions and my identity, this coward is hiding behind GQ’s twitter account. 

“You don’t know who it is?” 

“It’s probably best I don’t given I might be tempted to go over there and kick his chauvinistic ass.”

“Why do you care what some idiot from GQ thinks anyway? You’re Katherine Elena Pierce, the fiercest Social Media Director in New York City.”

“I am, aren’t I?” She murmured, finally lifting her gaze from the screen, a satisfied twinkle in her brown eyes.

“You’re also incredibly modest,” Bonnie chuckled, taking her hand and squeezing it affectionately. Caroline laid her head on Kat’s shoulder, enjoying the relative solace that came from being with her friends and listening to the rhythmic cascading of the water from the fountain.

“That fountain is really making me want to pee,” Kat broke the silence. So much for solace.

“Way to ruin the moment.”

“I came here straight from the party and have been a little a little preoccupied with…”

“How about we go back to our apartment, watch a really bad movie and stuff our faces with Chunky Monkey?” Bonnie suggested and Caroline nodded, there was no way they wanted to get her all riled up again tonight. 

“Gigli?”

“Anything but that, Care,” Kat groaned as they made their way through the park. “Please? I can only take so much Ben Affleck before bed.” 

“Well, Bonnie did say bad.” Before either could respond, Katherine’s phone beeped signaling a new email. She lifted up her phone expectantly. “Kat, you need to get off that thing for your own good.”

“It could be important,” she said, the light from the screen illuminating her face as she read. “That’s strange.”

“Strange?”

“That it’s 11 PM and from the Magazine’s Legal Department.”

“What’s wrong?” They both asked in unison as Kat stopped in her tracks. 

“Mikaelson Publishing is suing Arabella Magazine for defamation,” she uttered in disbelief. Caroline stood there, mouth agape. And here she thought Gigli was the worst possible fate they’d face tonight. 

The Penthouse, One Madison Avenue, NYC

“You did what?” Rebekah demanded, her Jimmy Choos stomping on Klaus’ floor. Rebekah’s temper tantrums hadn’t changed much since she was a toddler and they were threatening to ruin his beautifully polished hardwood. “How dare you hack into the Magazine’s twitter account without my bloody consent?”

“It barely constituted hacking, little sister.”

“What because you’re CEO and think you can do whatever you like, Elijah?”

“Well, that too but I was actually referring to the fact you still have the same password as when you were eleven.”

“Princess?” Klaus asked, finally entering the discussion. To be honest he’d been annoyed to find out Elijah had decided to get into an unnecessary twitter altercation but even more frustrated to find out he’d slapped Arabella with a law suit without his consent given his position as the highest ranked legal officer at their publishing company. “You are still using that?”

“It was her desperate attempt to acquire Prince William and a royal title all those years ago,” Kol teased, taking a sip of orange juice. “And yet here you are title-less and married to…”

“Watch it, little Mikaelson,” Enzo growled unappreciatively. “Funnily enough this issue isn’t about passwords, it’s Elijah’s unwise and completely rash decision to enter into a twitter war with Arabella and about feminism of all things.”

“I couldn’t let that woman get away with making such false accusations.”

“You mean Katherine Pierce?” 

“What?”

“If you’re going to slap a defamation suit on someone you should really know her name,” Klaus offered, throwing the legal brief on the table for his benefit. “I’ve organised a meeting with their legal team later this week. I’m sure we can reach a private settlement agreement.”

“A settlement? This woman has tarnished the reputation of one of our most popular publications,” Elijah argued. “She can’t be allowed to get off so lightly. Surely I’m not the only one who thinks this?”

“Maybe if you’d come to me or Enzo, you know the editor of said magazine, with your concerns,” Rebekah growled. “I would have told you that fighting with a women’s publication, especially about the definition of feminism, is futile.” 

“But there was nothing wrong with the article. If anything it was giving all those Neanderthal males out there advice on how to treat women with dignity and...”

“Even so, waging a twitter war isn’t going to help. If anything you’re inciting a media storm this company doesn’t need given the recent drop in share prices.”

“Everyone’s feeling the share market pinch. I stand by my actions,” he huffed stubbornly to Enzo, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the expansive windows like a caged animal, albeit one in an immaculate, grey suit. “That woman is always shooting her mouth off impulsively without correct information and cause.” 

“Oh, the same woman you didn’t know the name of about two minutes ago?” Kol enquired, sending his brother a mischievous grin. “And here I thought you were asexual.”

“As much as I love these little family gatherings,” Klaus intervened before Elijah could. “I wanted to meet here first to discuss this before going into the office so we can present a united family front.”

“Well...” 

“You’ve said enough, Elijah,” he interrupted. From the looks on his other siblings’ faces they agreed. It was unusual for Klaus to be the calm one over his usually sensible elder brother but he was quite pleased to be right this time. “Settlement talks will be held on Friday.”

Klaus was never the responsible one, that was obvious. In fact; Kol and Klaus were considered the more playful members of the Mikaelson family. He was surprised to see Elijah’s unexpected social media outburst and equally annoyed about the lack of consultation. At least his brother would owe him one now.  

Looking at the case he figured this settlement would be reached within five minutes and forgotten immediately. Klaus was someone who dealt with things swiftly and clinically. He detested unwanted drama and emotional entanglements. The way he saw it they were just distractions he didn’t need.

“And here I thought we were actually going to be enjoying some more positive and upbeat vibes given it’s your birthday, big brother,” Rebekah offered.

“Didn’t I tell you all to take that particular day off the calendar when we were teenagers?” Klaus was not a fan of birthdays or surprise suffocation by sibling. 

“I would, except I need to mark the day you came into our lives and ruined them forthwith,” Kol chuckled.

“Just tell me a poorly baked cake and off key singing isn’t involved this year.” 

“That was one time,” Rebekah growled. “And I was ten.”

“Yet, your singing or cooking hasn’t improved much since,” Kol teased while Enzo attempted to stifle a laugh. 

“Someone’s not getting any for a while.”

“Rebekah,” Elijah complained, covering his ears for added effect. “Must you torment us so?” 

“Serves you all right,” she shot back her tongue poked out. “Don’t worry Niklaus, there’s no cake or party. Heaven forbid anyone we know should have to put up with you during their social hours given they do it every work day.” 

“Well, I did happen to reserve a table at the Whiskey Ward tonight. And, before you whine like a petulant child, it’s dark and located on the lower east side so pretty sure no one will even notice your sullen ass.”

“Well, when you put it like that Kol, how could I refuse?”

Mikaelson Publishing, 1705 Fifth Avenue, New York City    

“You said we were coming here for Mexican food,” Caroline growled half annoyed and equal parts famished as she looked at the foreboding structure ahead on Fifth.  

“What can I say, you’re always so easy to fool when it comes to food, Forbes,” Katherine offered gruffly. “And Bonnie hates being left out so really it was a win-win.”

“I don’t break rules, Kat,” Bonnie hissed. No surprises there. After being friends for the better part of four years, they both knew Bonnie loved order and breaking rules of any kind was severely frowned upon “And I’m a terrible liar, my skin breaks out into this red, weeping rash and…”

“Now, not so hungry,” Caroline muttered. “What the hell are we doing at Mikaelson Publishing? Last time I checked they’re suing your ass so walking into the lion’s den not such a great idea, Kat.”

“You didn’t see the way Jenna looked at me,” Katherine admitted. “She was so disappointed. All I need to do is go in there and explain myself and this legal suit will vanish as soon as it appeared in my inbox.”

“And against the explicit wishes of our legal department,” Caroline hissed.

“I did nothing wrong,” Katherine baulked. “All I want to do is talk to them personally and they’ll understand it was a slight misunderstanding. It’s the least I can do for Arabella.”

“They won’t care, all Mikaelson Publishing understand is profits, popularity and success.” 

“Fine,” she conceded, nervously perusing her conservative black, skirt suit one last time. “I’m hoping to appeal to their sensitive side.”  

“What does Katherine Pierce know about sensitive?”

“I think she’s still drunk from the weekend,” Caroline suggested to Bonnie.

“If you want to stay here and mock, that’s fine,” she scoffed, striding away towards the revolving doors. 

Caroline looked at Bonnie helplessly. She knew this was completely stupid and reckless but for some reason she felt this overwhelming responsibility to her best friend. Damn her. The look in Bonnie’s warm, brown eyes told her she was thinking the same thing.

“All for one?”

“And one for all,” Bonnie finished, quoting the famed Three Musketeers motto. “Although I’m fairly certain Alexandre Dumas never imagined this particular scenario.”

“Hold the lift!” Caroline yelled, running into the fast closing doors.

“You came?” Katherine asked, her usually determined expression softening slightly.

“To be honest, I just wanted to see Bonnie break some rules,” Caroline joked, swatting her serious friend on the ass playfully. “So, what’s the plan exactly?”

“What plan?”

“Don’t tell me I jumped into this suspended steel trap on a crazy whim,” Bonnie mumbled nervously. She’d never been a huge fan of lifts.  

“I’m going to appeal to his sen…”

“Oh, we are so screwed,” Caroline growled, noticing for the first time a young delivery guy in the corner laden with boxes. Even with the earphones, she could hear the steady musical and familiar beat. Who knew the emo looking guy had a thing for Taylor Swift?

“Excuse me?” She yelled for added benefit, gesturing for him to take out his earphones. He complied, albeit reluctantly. “I couldn’t help but overhear your music.”

He looked immediately nervous at being sprung and Caroline knew she could exploit the situation to her benefit given her contacts at the magazine. “It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone. In fact, I happen to have a spare ticket to Taylor’s concert next month and…” 

“I’ll take it,” he blurted out, obviously not caring about any embarrassment with the promise of a ticket to see his secret idol.

“Well, I’d be happy to give it to you but there’s something I need you to do for me first.” 

“We hardly look like delivery people,” Bonnie said, gesturing to their heels and fitted skirts five minutes later.

“Speak for yourself,” Caroline laughed, pulling down the Boston Red Sox cap she acquired for her trouble over her golden waves. The delivery guy may have been extremely weird but he had good taste in baseball teams.

“We have a delivery for…” Caroline paused, reading the name on the box aloud to the receptionist. “Klaus Mikaelson.” Wait, what? Caroline didn’t sign up for this assignment. If anything she was kind of afraid that he might look even more irresistible in person.  

“Another delivery for the birthday boy. His assistant is down the hall, first door on the right, she can sign for it.”

“Birthday boy? Of all the days we decide to break and enter,” Bonnie murmured nervously.

“It’s hardly a felony, Bon,” Kat drawled. “No. This is perfect; their guards will be down so we can strike…”

“If this is you supposedly showing your sensitive side then I’m a little worried about your upbringing. You weren’t dropped on your head as a baby were you, Kat? You know just asking.”

“No brain damage as far as I’m aware,” she muttered, obviously unimpressed. “Where is this office, didn’t she say first on the right.”

“It must be that one,” Caroline gestured. What they found was completely unexpected. It wasn’t a personal assistant but the entire Mikaelson family seated at an expansive boardroom table.

“Someone needs to learn their left from their right,” Bonnie growled under her breath.

“Now, this is more like it,” Kol grinned taking in the three girls. “This is how every board meeting should take place.” They were all silent, rooted to the spot. 

“Excuse me?” Bonnie enquired. She may have been straight laced and prone to hives but she also detested cocky males with no respect.

“You’re excused,” the attractive blonde scoffed, flicking her hair in obvious frustration. Rebekah Mikaelson was as beautiful as she was scary.

“Is there any reason you’ve interrupted our meeting?” Elijah’s pristine suit looked even more immaculate close up.

“We have a delivery,” Katherine announced. By the slight blush that crossed her face, Caroline was pretty certain the suit was doing its job on her too. “For the birthday boy.”

“Please tell me you’re going to sing or…”

“Smack you out?” Bonnie replied defensively.

“Well, if you like it rough, darling…” he teased. From what Caroline could make out Kol Mikaelson didn’t have a subtle bone in his body. Given Bonnie’s unimpressed glare she knew her friend was ready to rumble.     

“Last time I checked this was a boardroom not a circus.” A demanding English voice enquired. He seemed annoyed by the interruption but as soon as she placed her box on the boardroom table his steely expression seemed to soften, only slightly though.

“I think we all know who the clown is in this scenario and it’s not us,” Caroline challenged thinking just how precious his siblings had been since they entered the room unwittingly. “We obviously took a wrong turn, so if you’ll excuse us.” 

“Now that you’re here it would be a waste not to open some presents, hey big brother?” Kol teased, leaning across greedily for the package Bonnie had in her grasp.

He opened it slowly, his eyes widening at its contents. “As long as Rebekah didn’t make this I think it’s actually going to be edible.” Caroline would know that Magnolia marble cheesecake from anywhere. Suddenly the fact she’d had no lunch was beginning to effect her resolve.

“And what do you have there?” Klaus asked unexpectedly, a stray dimple flashing in her direction. She knew he was just being an arrogant ass but for Kat’s sake needed to keep up the ruse.

“How would I know? I’m only the delivery girl,” she shot back thinking just what a smug bastard he was. She decided to take back all that initial misplaced infatuation and blame it on temporary insanity, even if his aftershave was messing with her composure. 

He smirked knowingly, his blue eyes flickering over her body hungrily before pulling the package towards him. What he uncovered beneath the tissue paper she wasn’t quite expecting, a black, lacey thong to be exact. He held it up slowly, his eyes dancing over every detail of its intricate design. Caroline was mortified but had no intention of betraying her feelings. 

“You really shouldn’t have, love but I’m not sure…” 

“What? Not your size?” If she could have captured his shocked expression in that moment, Caroline would have framed it. It was obvious no one spoke to Klaus Mikaelson like that and got away with it but right know Caroline had no intention of placating his over inflated ego.

It was at that point his assistant Lexi decided to make herself known, breaking the tension and stray snickering from his siblings. His gaze never wavered as she was ushered from the boardroom. 

Given the unexpected and unfolding events, the supposedly brave Katherine had actually wilted under pressure, no doubt due to a well fitting suit, and Bonnie was decidedly incensed about the chauvinistic younger brother for good reason. 

Caroline had chosen to stay behind five minutes to sign the paperwork and made her way to the elevator, the relief rushing over her as the doors began to close. It wasn’t until she heard the metal doors halt abruptly that she noticed a familiar face making his way inside.

“Thanks for holding the door.”

“I didn’t,” she barked. How she thought this smug idiot was attractive Caroline would never understand.

“You know, for a delivery person you seem to have quite a bit of attitude,” he said, leaning against the wall as the numbers began to descend the floors. 

“Sounds like something we have in common then,” she muttered. “Although given your earnings I figured you might have a lot more to smile about.” 

“Don’t tell me that little snippet of Mikaelson family drama back there didn’t pique your interest?”

“I have no interest in your family dramas.” Before she could expect a witty retort, the lift came to a grinding halt as the lights flickered and then they were plunged into darkness. The force from the motion causing Caroline to fall into his broad chest as a result.

“Well, you could have fooled me.”

“Seriously?” She growled pushing him away, albeit shakily. “We are stuck in a lift and all you can do is use one of your cheesy and recycled lines?”

“You really don’t like me, do you?”

“At least your skills of perception are slightly better than the rest of your repertoire,” she uttered. “Given you practically own this building; I’m really hoping help is close by so I don’t need CPR with that over inflated ego.” 

“I’m certain of one of those things…”

“The over inflated ego? Yeah me too,” Caroline answered, sitting on the ground and placing her head against the wall in frustration. And not just because he was an idiot either but causing a few untoward feelings to venture south.  

“I was actually talking about your thoughts on my perceptiveness,” he quipped, taking a seat beside her and crossing his right leg over the left. “Like the fact you’re not a delivery person.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’ve never met a delivery person who has questioned my underwear size,” he chuckled. To be honest Caroline was surprised by his change in demeanour.

“It seemed fitting given you are such a man whore.”

 “A man whore?” Klaus baulked. “I didn’t send that underwear last time I checked.”

“But it seems like someone else did and you obviously entertain that fact.”

“Oh, I get it,” Klaus deduced, standing up and beginning to pace back and forth impatiently. “You are some college psychology major that is trying to mess with my feelings for an experiment.”  

“Excuse me?”

“Even down to the Red Sox cap.” Caroline rolled her eyes, this guy obviously had more than family issues and it was threatening to mess with her beloved baseball team.

“Do I need to add sore loser to your file, Yankee?” She drawled. “Call me crazy but I thought birthdays were supposed to be a happy occasion.” 

The lift suddenly jolted back to life, Caroline losing her footing briefly but making sure not to make any further body contact. The brief and hurt look in his blue eyes was telling Caroline that there was more to this guy than she first thought.

The elevator dinged announcing their arrival on the ground floor. He continued to stare, Caroline felt her breath hitch in her throat. Before she could work out what it meant, Klaus Mikaelson was gone in a flash. If she was being honest, the guilty ache she felt in her stomach wasn’t entirely coincidental.

“Finally!” Bonnie exclaimed as she made her way through the revolving doors outside.

“The lift got stuck,” she admitted, not willing to go into further detail. Caroline figured it was the last she’d see of Klaus Mikaelson, so it didn’t really rate much of a mention.

“After today I think we all need a good drink,” Katherine smiled. “And given my extreme stupidity, I figure it’s my shout.”

“Well, I do have a story to research,” Bonnie smiled mischievously. “I’m writing about the best places to meet men in New York City.”

“I’m almost too afraid to ask,” Caroline mumbled.

“Well, guys love whiskey but when it comes to a fine woman over a fine scotch the decision is decidedly blurred and not just due to the alcohol content. I’ve heard the Whiskey Ward on the Lower East side is the place to be if you’re interested?”  

“Well, we can’t do worse than we have today,” Katherine joked. “Can we, ladies?”

Caroline had to agree. All she needed to do was get him out of her head and maybe a night of whiskey with her friends was all she needed to rid herself of the memory.

On FF Here

TBC? It became much longer than expected. Thoughts on another part would be appreciated. Thanks so much for reading : )

[shirlleycoyle]

What Alternate Reality Games Teach Us About the Dangerous Appeal of QAnon

This story was originally published on mssv.net by Adrian Hon (@adrianhon)

The far-right QAnon conspiracy theory is so sprawling, it’s hard to know where people join. Last week, it was 5G cell towers, this week it’s Wayfair; who knows what next week will bring? But QAnon’s followers always seem to begin their journey with the same refrain: “I’ve done my research.”

I’d heard that line before. In early 2001, the marketing for Steven Spielberg’s latest movie, A.I., had just begun. YouTube wouldn’t launch for another four years, so you had to be eagle-eyed to spot the unusual credit next to Haley Joel Osment, Jude Law, and Frances O’Connor: Jeanine Salla, the movie’s “Sentient Machine Therapist.”

Close-up of the A.I. movie poster

Soon after, Ain’t It Cool News (AICN) posted a tip from a reader:

“Type her name in the Google.com search engine, and see what sites pop up…pretty cool stuff! Keep up the good work, Harry!! –ClaviusBase”

(Yes, in 2001 Google was so new you had to spell out its web address.)

The Google results began with Jeanine Salla’s homepage but led to a whole network of fictional sites. Some were futuristic versions of police websites or lifestyle magazines; others were inscrutable online stores and hacked blogs. A couple were in German and Japanese. In all, over twenty sites and phone numbers were listed.

By the end of the day, the websites racked up 25 million hits, all from a single AICN article suggesting readers ‘do their research’. It later emerged they were part of one of the first-ever alternate reality games (ARG), The Beast, developed by Microsoft to promote Spielberg’s movie.

The way I’ve described it here, The Beast sounds like enormous fun. Who wouldn’t be intrigued by a doorway into 2142 filled with websites and phone numbers and puzzles, with runaway robots who need your help and even live events around the world? But consider how much work it required to understand the story and it begins to sound less like “watching TV” fun and more like “painstaking research” fun. Along with tracking dozens of websites that updated in real time, you had to solve lute tablature puzzles, decode base 64 messages, reconstruct 3D models of island chains that spelt out messages, and gather clues from newspaper and TV adverts across the US.

This purposeful yet bewildering complexity is the complete opposite of what many associate with conventional popular entertainment, where every bump in your road to enjoyment has been smoothed away in the pursuit of instant engagement and maximal profit. But there’s always been another kind of entertainment that appeals to different people at different times, one that rewards active discovery, the drawing of connections between clues, the delicious sensation of a hunch that pays off after hours or days of work. Puzzle books, murder mysteries, adventure games, escape rooms, even scientific research—they all aim for the same spot.

What was new in The Beast and the ARGs that followed it was less the specific puzzles and stories they incorporated, but the sheer scale of the worlds they realised—so vast and fast-moving that no individual could hope to comprehend them. Instead, players were forced to cooperate, sharing discoveries and solutions, exchanging ideas, and creating resources for others to follow. I’d know: I wrote a novel-length walkthrough of The Beast when I was meant to be studying for my degree at Cambridge.

QAnon is not an ARG. It’s a dangerous conspiracy theory, and there are lots of ways of understanding conspiracy theories without ARGs. But QAnon pushes the same buttons that ARGs do, whether by intention or by coincidence. In both cases, “do your research” leads curious onlookers to a cornucopia of brain-tingling information.

In other words, maybe QAnon is… fun?

ARGs never made it big. They came too early and It’s hard to charge for a game that you stumble into through a Google search. But maybe their purposely-fragmented, internet-native, community-based form of storytelling and puzzle-solving was just biding its time…

This blog post expands on the ideas in my Twitter thread about QAnon and ARGs, and incorporates many of the valuable replies. Please note, however, that I’m not a QAnon expert and I’m not a scholar of conspiracy theories. I’m not even the first to compare QAnon to LARPs and ARGs.

But my experience as lead designer of Perplex City, one of the world’s most popular and longest-running ARGs, gives me a special perspective on QAnon’s game-like nature. My background as a neuroscientist and experimental psychologist also gives me insight into what motivates people.

Today, I run Six to Start, best known for Zombies, Run!, an audio-based augmented reality game with half a million active players, and I’m writing a book about the perils and promise of gamification.

It’s Like We Did It On Purpose

Perplex City “Ascendancy Point” Story Arc

When I was designing Perplex City, I loved sketching out new story arcs. I’d create intricate chains of information and clues for players to uncover, colour-coding for different websites and characters. There was a knack to having enough parallel strands of investigation going on so that players didn’t feel railroaded, but not so many that they were overwhelmed. It was a particular pleasure to have seemingly unconnected arcs intersect after weeks or months.

Merely half of the “Q-web“

No-one would mistake the clean lines of my flowcharts for the snarl of links that makes up a QAnon theory, but the principles are similar: one discovery leading to the next. Of course, these two flowcharts are very different beasts. The QAnon one is an imaginary, retrospective description of supposedly-connected data, while mine is a prescriptive network of events I would design.

Except that’s not quite true. In reality, Perplex City players didn’t always solve our puzzles as quickly as we intended them to, or they became convinced their incorrect solution was correct, or embarrassingly, our puzzles were broken and had no solution at all. In those cases we had to rewrite the story on the fly.

When this happens in most media, you just hold up your hands and say you made a mistake. In video games, you can issue an online update and hope no-one’s the wiser. But in ARGs, a public correction would shatter the uniquely-prolonged collective suspension of disbelief in the story. This was thought to be so integral to the appeal of ARGs, it was termed TINAG, or “This is Not a Game.”

So when we messed up in Perplex City, we tried mightily to avoid editing websites, a sure sign this was, in fact, a game. Instead, we’d fix it by adding new storylines and writing through the problem (it helped to have a crack team of writers and designers, including Naomi Alderman, Andrea Phillips, David Varela, Dan Hon, Jey Biddulph, Fi Silk, Eric Harshbarger, and many many others).

We had a saying when these diversions worked out especially well: “It’s like we did it on purpose.”

Every ARG designer can tell a similar war story. Here’s Josh Fialkov, writer for the Lonelygirl15 ARG/show:

“Our fans/viewers would build elaborate (and pretty neat) theories and stories around the stories we’d already put together and then we’d merge them into our narrative, which would then engage them more. The one I think about the most is we were shooting something on location and we’re run and gunning. We fucked up and our local set PA ended up in the background of a long selfie shot. We had no idea. It was 100% a screw up. The fans became convinced the character was in danger. And then later when that character revealed herself as part of the evil conspiracy — that footage was part of the audiences proof that she was working with the bad guys all along — “THATS why he was in the background!” They literally found a mistake – made it a story point. And used it as evidence of their own foresight into the ending — despite it being, again, us totally being exhausted and sloppy. And at the time hundreds of thousands of people were participating and contributing to a fictional universe and creating strands upon strands.”

Conspiracy theories and cults evince the same insouciance when confronted with inconsistencies or falsified predictions; they can always explain away errors with new stories and theories. What’s special about QAnon and ARGs is that these errors can be fixed almost instantly, before doubt or ridicule can set in. And what’s really special about QAnon is how it’s absorbed all other conspiracy theories to become a kind of ur-conspiracy theory such that seems pointless to call out inconsistencies. In any case, who would you even be calling out when so many QAnon theories come from followers rather than “Q”?

Yet the line between creator and player in ARGs has also long been blurry. That tip from “ClaviusBase” to AICN that catapulted The Beast to massive mainstream coverage? The designers more or less admitted it came from them. Indeed, there’s a grand tradition of ARG “puppetmasters” (an actual term used by devotees) sneaking out from “behind the curtain” (ditto) to create “sockpuppet accounts” in community forums to seed clues, provide solutions, and generally chivvy players along the paths they so carefully designed.

As an ARG designer, I used to take a hard line against this kind of cheating but in the years since, I’ve mellowed somewhat, mostly because it can make the game more fun, and ultimately, because everyone expects it these days. That’s not the case with QAnon.

Yes, anyone who uses 4chan and 8chan understands that anonymity is baked into the system such that posters frequently create entire threads where they argue against themselves in the guise of anonymous users who are impossible to distinguish or trace back to a single individual – but do the more casual QAnon followers know that?

Local Fame

A Beautiful Mind

Pop culture’s conspiracy theorist sits in a dark basement stringing together photos and newspaper clippings on their "crazy wall." On the few occasions this leads to useful results, it’s an unenviable pursuit. Anyone choosing such an existence tends to be shunned by society.

But this ignores one gaping fact: piecing together theories is really satisfying. Writing my walkthrough for The Beast was rewarding and meaningful, appreciated by an enthusiastic community in a way that my molecular biology essays most certainly were not. Online communities have long been dismissed as inferior in every way to “real” friendships, an attenuated version that’s better than nothing, but not something that anyone should choose. Yet ARGs and QAnon (and games and fandom and so many other things) demonstrate there’s an immediacy and scale and relevance to online communities that can be more potent and rewarding than a neighbourhood bake sale. This won’t be news to most of you, but I think it’s still news to decision-makers in traditional media and politics.

Good ARGs are deliberately designed with puzzles and challenges that require unusual talents—I designed one puzzle that required a good understanding of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs—with problems so large that they require crowdsourcing to solve, such that all players feel like welcome and valued contributors.

Needless to say, that feeling is missing from many people’s lives:

“ARGs are generally a showcase for special talent that often goes unrecognized elsewhere. I have met so many wildly talented people with weird knowledge through them.”

If you’re first to solve a puzzle or make a connection, you can attain local fame in ARG communities, as Dan Hon, COO at Mind Candy (makers of the Perplex City ARG), notes. The vast online communities for TV shows like Lost and Westworld, with their purposefully convoluted mystery box plots, also reward those who guess twists early, or produce helpful explainer videos. Yes, the reward is “just” internet points in the form of Reddit upvotes, but the feeling of being appreciated is very real. It’s no coincidence that Lost and Westworld both used ARGs to promote their shows.

Wherever you have depth in storytelling or content or mechanics, you’ll find the same kind of online communities. Games like Bloodborne, Minecraft, Stardew Valley, Dwarf Fortress, Animal Crossing, Eve Online, and Elite Dangerous, they all share the same race for discovery. These discoveries eventually become processed into explainer videos and Reddit posts that are more accessible for wider audiences.

The same has happened with modern ARGs, where explainer videos have become so compelling they rack up more views than the ARGs have players (not unlike Twitch). Michael Andersen, owner of the Alternate Reality Gaming Network news site, is a fan of this trend, but wonders about its downside—with reference to conspiracy theorists:

“[W]hen you’re reading (or watching) a summary of an ARG? All of the assumptions and logical leaps have been wrapped up and packaged for you, tied up with a nice little bow. Everything makes sense, and you can see how it all flows together. Living it, though? Sheer chaos. Wild conjectures and theories flying left and right, with circumstantial evidence and speculation ruling the day. Things exist in a fugue state of being simultaneously true-and-not-true, and it’s only the accumulation of evidence that resolves it. And acquiring a “knack” for sifting through theories to surface what’s believable is an extremely valuable skill—both for actively playing ARGs, and for life in general.And sometimes, I worry that when people consume these neatly packaged theories that show all the pieces coming together, they miss out on all those false starts and coincidences that help develop critical thinking skills. …because yes, conspiracy theories try and offer up those same neat packages that attempt to explain the seemingly unexplained. And it’s pretty damn important to learn how groups can be led astray in search of those neatly wrapped packages.”

“SPEC”

I’m a big fan of the SCP Foundation, a creative writing website set within a shared universe not unlike The X-Files. Its top-rated stories rank among the best science fiction and horror I’ve read. A few years ago, I wrote my own (very silly) story, SCP-3993, where New York’s ubiquitous LinkNYC internet kiosks are cover for a mysterious reality-altering invasion.

CITYBRIDGE/NYC

Like the rest of SCP, this was all in good fun, but I recently discovered LinkNYC is tangled up in QAnon conspiracy theories. To be fair, you can say the same thing about pretty much every modern technology, but it’s not surprising their monolith-like presence caught conspiracy theorists’ attention as it did mine.

It’s not unreasonable to be creeped out by LinkNYC. In 2016, the New York Civil Liberties Union wrote to the mayor about “the vast amount of private information retained by the LinkNYC system and the lack of robust language in the privacy policy protecting users against unwarranted government surveillance.” Two years later, kiosks along Third Avenue in Midtown mysteriously blasted out a slowed-down version of the Mister Softee theme song. So there’s at least some cause for speculation. The problem is when speculation hardens into reality.

Not long after the AICN post, The Beast’s players set up a Yahoo Group mailing list called Cloudmakers, named after a boat in the story. As the number of posts rose to dozens and then hundreds per day, it became obvious to list moderators (including me) that some form of organisation was in order. One rule we established was that posts should include a prefix in their subject so members could easily distinguish website updates from puzzle solutions.

My favourite prefix was “SPEC,” a catch-all for any kind of unfounded speculation, most of which was fun nonsense but some of which ended up being true. There were no limits on what or how much you could post, but you always had to use the prefix so people could ignore it. Other moderated communities have similar guidelines, with rationalists using their typically long-winded “epistemic status” metadata.

Absent this kind of moderation, speculation ends up overwhelming communities since it’s far easier and more fun to bullshit than do actual research. And if speculation is repeated enough times, if it’s finessed enough, it can harden into accepted fact, leading to devastating and even fatal consequences.

I’ve personally been the subject of this process thanks to my work in ARGs—not just once, but twice.

The first occasion was fairly innocent. One of our more famous Perplex City puzzles, Billion to One, was a photo of a man. That’s it. The challenge was to find him. Obviously, we were riffing on the whole “six degrees of separation” concept. Some thought it’d be easy, but I was less convinced. Sure enough, fourteen years on, the puzzle is still unsolved, but not for lack of trying. Every so often, the internet rediscovers the puzzle amid a flurry of YouTube videos and podcasts; I can tell whenever this happens because people start DMing me on Twitter and Instagram.

This literally came a few days ago

A clue in the puzzle is the man’s name, Satoshi. It is not a rare name, and it happens to be same as the presumed pseudonymous person or persons who developed bitcoin, Satoshi Nakamoto. So of course people think Perplex City’s Satoshi created bitcoin. Not a lot of people, to be fair, but enough that I get DMs about it every week. But it’s all pretty innocent, like I said.

More concerning is my presumed connection to Cicada 3301, a mysterious group that recruited codebreakers through very difficult online puzzles. Back in 2011, my company developed a pseudo-ARG for the BBC Two factual series, The Code, all about mathematics. This involved planting clues into the show itself, along with online educational games and a treasure hunt.

To illustrate the concept of prime numbers, The Code explored the gestation period of cicadas. We had no hand in the writing of the show; we got the script and developed our ARG around it. But this was enough to create a brand new conspiracy theory, featuring yours truly:

My bit starts around 20 minutes in:

Interviewer: Why [did you make a puzzle about] cicadas?

Me: Cicadas are known for having a gestation period which is linked to prime numbers. Prime numbers are at the heart of nature and the heart of mathematics.

Interviewer: That puzzle comes out in June 2011.

Me: Yeah.

Interviewer: Six months later, Cicada 3301 makes its international debut.

Me: It's a big coincidence.

Interviewer: There are some people who have brought up the fact that whoever's behind Cicada 3301 would have to be a very accomplished game maker.

Me: Sure.

Interviewer: You would be a candidate to be that person.

Me: That's true, I mean, Cicada 3301 has a lot in common with the games we've made. I think that one big difference (chuckles) is that normally when we make alternate reality games, we do it for money. And it's not so clear to understand where the funding for Cicada 3301 is coming from.

Clearly this was all just in fun – I knew it and the interviewer knew it. That’s why I agreed to take part. But does everyone watching this understand that? There’s no “SPEC” tag on the video. At least a few commenters are taking it seriously:

I am the “ARG guy” in question

I’m not worried, but I’d be lying if I wasn’t a touch concerned that Cicada 3301 now lies squarely in the QAnon vortex and in the “Q-web“:

Here’s a good interview with the creator of the “Q-web”

My defence that the cicada puzzle in The Code was “a big coincidence” (albeit delivered with an unfortunate shit-eating grin) didn’t hold water. In the conspiracy theorest mindset, no such thing exists:

“According to Michael Barkun, emeritus professor of political science at Syracuse University, three core principles characterize most conspiracy theories. Firstly, the belief that nothing happens by accident or coincidence. Secondly, that nothing is as it seems: The “appearance of innocence” is to be suspected. Finally, the belief that everything is connected through a hidden pattern.”

These are helpful beliefs when playing an ARG or watching a TV show designed with twists and turns. It’s fun to speculate and to join seemingly disparate ideas, especially when the creators encourage and reward this behaviour. It’s less helpful when conspiracy theorists “yes, and…” each other into shooting up a pizza parlour or burning down 5G cell towers.

Because there is no coherent QAnon community in the same sense as the Cloudmakers, there’s no convention of “SPEC” tags. In their absence, YouTube has added annotated QAnon videos with links to its Wikipedia article, and Twitter has banned 7,000 accounts and restricted 150,000 more, among other actions. Supposedly, Facebook is planning to do the same.

These are useful steps but will not stop QAnon from spreading in social media comments or private chat groups or unmoderated forums. It’s not something we can reasonably hope for, and I don’t think there’s any technological solution (e.g. browser extensions) either. The only way to stop people from mistaking speculation from fact is for them to want to stop.

Cryptic

It’s always nice to have a few mysteries for players to speculate on in an ARG, if only because it helps them pass the time while the poor puppetmasters scramble to sate their insatiable demand for more website updates and puzzles. A good mystery can keep a community guessing for, as Lost did with its numbers or Game of Thrones with Jon Snow’s parentage. But these mysteries always have to be balanced against specifics, lest the whole story dissolve into a puddle of mush; for as much we derided Lost for the underwhelming conclusion to its mysteries, no-one would’ve watched in the first place if the episode-to-episode storytelling wasn’t so strong.

The downside of being too mysterious in Perplex City is that cryptic messages often led players on wild goose chases such that they completely ignored entire story arcs in favour of pursuing their own theories. This was bad for us because we had a pretty strict timetable that we needed our story to play out on, pinned against the release of our physical puzzle cards that funded the entire enterprise. If players took too long to find the $200,000 treasure at the conclusion of the story, we might run out of money.

QAnon can favour cryptic messages because, as far as I know, they don’t have a specific timeline or goal in mind, let alone a production budget or paid staff. Not only is there no harm in followers misinterpreting messages, but it’s a strength: followers can occupy themselves with their own spin-off theories far better than “Q” can. Dan Hon notes:

“For every ARG I’ve been involved in and ones my friends have been involved in, communities always consume/complete/burn through content faster than you can make it, when you’re doing a narrative-based game. This content generation/consumption/playing asymmetry is, I think, just a fact. But QAnon “solved” it by being able to co-opt all content that already exists and … encourages and allows you to create new content that counts and is fair play in-the-game.”

But even QAnon needs some specificity, hence their frequent references to actual people, places, events, and so on.

A brief aside on designing very hard puzzles

It was useful to be cryptic when I needed to control the speed at which players solved especially consequential puzzles, like the one revealing where our $200,000 treasure was buried. For story and marketing purposes, we wanted players to be able to find it as soon as they had access to all 256 puzzle cards, which we released in three waves. We also wanted players to feel like they were making progress before they had all the cards and we didn’t want them to find the location the minute they had the last card.

My answer was to represent the location as the solution to multiple cryptic puzzles. One puzzle referred to the Jurassic strata in the UK, which I split across the background of 14 cards. Another began with a microdot revealing which order to arrange triple letters I’d hidden on a bunch of cards. By performing mod arithmetic on the letter/number values, you would arrive at 1, 2, 3 or 4, corresponding to the four DNA nucleotides. If you understood the triplets as codons for amino acids, they became letters. These letters led you to the phrase “Duke of Burgundy”, the name of a butterfly whose location, when combined with the Jurassic strata, would help you narrow down the location of the treasure.

The nice thing about this convoluted sequence is that we could provide additional online clues to help the players community when they got stuck. The point being, you can’t make an easy puzzle harder, but you can make a hard puzzle easier.

Beyond ARGs

It can feel crass to compare ARGs to a conspiracy theory that’s caused so much harm. But this reveals the crucial difference between them: in QAnon, the stakes so high, any action is justified. If you truly believe an online store or a pizza parlour is engaging in child trafficking and the authorities are complicit, extreme behaviour is justified.

Gabriel Roth, editorial director for audio at Slate, extends this idea:

“What QAnon has that ARGs didn’t have is the claim of factual truth; in that sense it reminds me of the Bullshit Anecdotal Memoir wave of the 90s and early 00s. If you have a story based on real life, but you want to make it more interesting, the correct thing to do is change the names of the people and make it as interesting as you like and call it fiction. The insight of the Bullshit Anecdotal Memoirists (I’m thinking of James Frey and Augusten Burroughs and David Sedaris) was that you could call it nonfiction and readers would like it much better because it would have the claim of actual factual truth, wowee!! And it worked! How much more engaging and addictive is an immersive, participatory ARG when it adds that unique frisson you can only get with the claim of factual truth? And bear in mind that ARG-scale stories aren’t about mere personal experiences—they operate on a world-historical scale.”

ARGs’ playfulness with the truth and their sometimes-imperceptible winking of This Is Not A Game (accusations Lonelygirl15 was a hoax) is only the most modern incarnation of epistolary storytelling. In that context, immersive and realistic stories have long elicited extreme reactions, like the panic incited by Orson Welles’ The War of the Worlds (often exaggerated, to be fair).

We don’t have to wonder what happens when an ARG community meets a matter of life and death. Not long after The Beast concluded, the 9/11 attacks happened. A small number of posters in the Cloudmakers mailing list suggested the community use its skills to “solve” the question of who was behind the attack.

The brief but intense discussion that ensued has become a cautionary tale of ARG communities getting carried away and being unable to distinguish fiction from reality. In reality, the community and the moderators quickly shut down the idea as being impractical, insensitive, and very dangerous. “Cloudmakers tried to solve 9/11” is a great story, but it’s completely false.

Unfortunately, the same isn’t true for the poster child for online sleuthing gone wrong, the r/findbostonbombers subreddit. There’s a parallel between the essentially unmoderated, anonymous theorists of r/findbostonbombers and those in QAnon: neither feel any responsibility for spreading unsupported speculation as fact. What they do feel is that anything should be solvable, as Laura Hall, immersive environment and narrative designer, describes:

“There’s a general sense of, ‘This should be solveable/findable/etc’ that you see in lots of reddit communities for unsolved mysteries and so on. The feeling that all information is available online, that reality and truth must be captured/in evidence somewhere”

There’s truth in that feeling. There is a vast amount of information online, and sometimes it is possible to solve “mysteries”, which makes it hard to criticise people for trying, especially when it comes to stopping perceived injustices. But it’s the sheer volume of information online that makes it so easy and so tempting and so fun to draw spurious connections.

That joy of solving and connecting and sharing and communication can do great things, and it can do awful things. As Josh Fialkov, writer for Lonelygirl15, says:

That brain power negatively focused on what [conspiracy theorists] perceive as life and death (but is actually crassly manipulated paranoia) scares the living shit out of me.

What ARGs Can Teach Us

Can we make “good ARGs”? Could ARGs inoculate people against conspiracy theories like QAnon?

The short answer is: No. When it comes to games that are educational and fun, you usually have to pick one, not both—and I say that as someone who thinks he’s done a decent job at making “serious games” over the years. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible, but it’s really hard, and I doubt any such ARG would get played by the right audience anyway.

The long answer: I’m writing a book about the perils and promise of gamification. Come back in a year or two.

For now, here’s a medium-sized answer. No ARG can heal the deep mistrust and fear and economic and spiritual malaise that underlies QAnon and other dangerous conspiracy theories, any more than a book or a movie can solve racism. There are hints at ARG-like things that could work, though—not in directly combatting QAnon’s appeal, but in channeling people’s energy and zeal of community-based problem-solving toward better causes.

Take The COVID Tracking Project, an attempt to compile the most complete data available about COVID-19 in the U.S. Every day, volunteers collect the latest numbers on tests, cases, hospitalizations, and patient outcomes from every state and territory. In the absence of reliable governmental figures, it’s become one of the best sources not just in the U.S., but in the world.

It’s also incredibly transparent. You can drill down into the raw data volunteers have collected on Google Sheets, view every line of code written on Github, and ask them questions on Slack. Errors and ambiguities in the data are quickly disclosed and explained rather than hidden or ignored. There’s something game-like in the daily quest to collect the best-quality data and to continually expand and improve the metrics being tracked. And like in the best ARGs, volunteers of all backgrounds and skills are welcomed. It’s one of the most impressive and well-organising reporting projects I’ve ever seen; “crowdsourcing” doesn’t even come close to describing its scale.

If you applied ARG skills to investigative journalism, you’d get something like Bellingcat, an an open-source intelligence group that discovered how Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 (MH17) was shot down over Ukraine in 2014. Bellingcat’s volunteers painstakingly pieced together publicly-available information to determine MH17 was downed by a Buk missile launcher originating from the 53rd Anti-Aircraft Rocket Brigade in Kursk, Russia. The Dutch-led international joint investigation team later came to the same conclusion.

Conspiracy theories thrive in the absence of trust. Today, people don’t trust authorities because authorities have repeatedly shown themselves to be unworthy of trust – misreporting or manipulating COVID-19 testing figures, delaying the publication of government investigations, burning records of past atrocities, and deploying unmarked federal forces. Perhaps authorities were just as untrustworthy twenty or fifty or a hundred years ago, but today we rightly expect more.

Mattathias Schwartz, contributing writer for The New York Times Magazine, believes it’s that lack of trust that leads people to QAnon:

“Q’s [followers] … are starving for information. Their willingness to chase bread crumbs is a symptom of ignorance and powerlessness. There may be something to their belief that the machinery of the state is inaccessible to the people. It’s hard to blame them for resorting to fantasy and esotericism, after all, when accurate information about the government’s current activities is so easily concealed and so woefully incomplete.”

So the goal cannot be to simply restore trust in existing authorities. Rather, I think it’s to restore faith in truth and knowledge itself. The COVID Tracking Project and Bellingcat help reveal truth by crowdsourcing information. They show their work via hypertext and open data, creating a structure upon which higher-level analysis and journalism can be built. And if they can’t find the truth, they’re willing to say so.

QAnon seems just as open. Everything is online. Every discussion, every idea, every theory is all joined together in a warped edifice where speculation becomes fact and fact leads to action. It’s thrilling to discover, and as you find new terms to Google and new threads to pull upon, you can feel just like a real researcher. And you can never get bored. There’s always new information to make sense of, always a new puzzle to solve, always a new enemy to take down.

QAnon fills the void of information that states have created—not with facts, but with fantasy. If we don’t want QAnon to fill that void, someone else has to. Government institutions can’t be relied upon to do this sustainably, given how underfunded and politicised they’ve become in recent years. Traditional journalism has also struggled against its own challenges of opacity and lack of resources. So maybe that someone is… us.

ARGs teach us that the search for knowledge and truth can be immensely rewarding, not in spite of their deliberately-fractured stories and near-impossible puzzles, but because of them. They teach us that communities can self-organise and self-moderate to take on immense challenges in a responsible way. And they teach us that people are ready and willing to volunteer to work if they’re welcomed, no matter their talent.

It’s hard to create these communities. They rely on software and tools that aren’t always free or easy to use. They need volunteers who have spare time to give and moderators who can be supported, financially and emotionally, through the struggles that always come. These communities already exist. They just need more help.

Despite the growing shadow of QAnon, I’m hopeful for the future. The beauty of ARGs and ARG-like communities isn’t their power to discover truth. It’s how they make the process of discovery so deeply rewarding.

What Alternate Reality Games Teach Us About the Dangerous Appeal of QAnon syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[stargleeksil-blog]

Criminal Minds s05e22 “The Internet Is Forever” review - or more aptly named, one heck of a long review because this episode was perfect. I LOVE CRIMINAL MINDS!

Episode 22 – The Internet is Forever

Hey guys! Whew, what a week, and it only started yesterday. Yes, I work Sundays, because I live in Israel, where our ‘holy day’ is Friday, but I work in Nespresso customer service so I work once every two weeks on Fridays too, so I guess I got the short straw until I own my mega super empire of translation.

Whatever.

That was a little rant.

Anyway, let’s see what happens.

Okay, this is seriously one hell of a creepy intro into the show. What the fuck is this thing?

What the …

Why do they always have to murder people in their sleep? It’s creepy.

So three missing women in Boise, Idaho in one year two months apart? Yikes. That sounds nuts.

“Well, hello.”

Bed-head poodle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god, the fascinated look on Rossi’s face!

I can’t take this show’s fascination with Reid’s hair. I love it!

“What, did you join a boy band?”

“No.”

I love it how he takes it so seriously!

Derek, you little shit.

“Okay, so what are we looking at here? Late twenties, early thirties.”

“All single, though two are in a committed relationships. All living on their own.”

Huh? That doesn’t make sense.

How are they single if they are in committed relationships?

“Looks like normal suburban houses. Gives the unsub privacy.”

“The differences are more striking than the similarities. Different hair colors, different body shapes.”

Smart poodle, I love you.

“What do you know about his MO?”

“That’s why we were invited in. The abduction sites are pristine.”

Oh dear.

“And there’s no DNA besides the victims’.”

Shit.

“and the victims aren’t reported missing until two or three days after they’re abducted.”

“Two or three days … women like this don’t just vanish without somebody noticing.”

True.

They were hot.

“Yes. Which is why I asked Garcia to dig into their lives.”

I love you, JJ, for appreciating my honey.

“And when I took a look at their online activity, I could easily see how the unsub is doing it.”

“Social networking sites.”

Fuck.

“Yeah. Facebook, Twitter. You name an online life-sharing time-suck, the victims were on it. And if you look at each of their last posts, they say the same thing … going out of town, going on a business trip, going on a vacation.”

Oh dear.

“But when you look at the time and date stamp of each of these,”

“Cue the Twilight Zone music,”

“Because they were all posted the morning after each of them went missing.”

Boom. My baby girl has them on her rope.

“The unsub posted them.”

Duh.

“Social networks are an easy way for an unsub to target his victims.”

Yeah, no kidding.

Oh, and I promise – I’m not an unsub ;)

“These women were especially open. They posted everything from what they were having for dinner to where they were going on dates.”

Yeesh.

“So this unsub friends his victims and then uses that as a cover once he takes them.”

Oh god.

“That means he can hack into their accounts.”

Yup.

“So he’s excellent with computers.”

“Definitely profiles as patient and organized.”

‘He’s obsessive enough to remove all forensic details, but also patient enough to wait two months before abductions.”

“He can afford to be. He gets three days to do whatever he wants to these women.”

Oh god.

“That means we need to assume these women are already dead.”

Fuck.

“The question is what he does while he has them.”

Oh god.

George Bernard Shaw: “The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

What the fuck? That was seriously beyond inception, and totally fucked wiht my brain. If anyone can explain to me what Shaw meant, I’ll give them a kiss, like, literally, fly all the way to your home and make out with you.

“So if this unsub is using social networks to find his victims, can’t we use that to find him?”

Aw, my optimistic puppy.

“Yeah, if these women each had a hundred friends following them, then the unsub would pop up on each of their lists, right?”

“Uh, the detective in charge, John Fordham, he looked into their groups. Everyone checked out.”

Guess not.

“Social networking sites are surprisingly insecure.”

“Facebook recently tried to update all their privacy settings, and in doing so, they made everybody’s profiles viewable.”

Whoops. Bad move there, Facebook.

Lol.

“Can somebody explain to me the appeal of these sites?”

Oh my darling Italian grandpa.

“‘Eating sushi tonight. Yum.’”

Oh my god, I love this show.

‘‘Boss is keeping me late at work. Grr.’”

Oh god, I died.

“Whose life is so important that we’d be interested in this kind of detail?”

“I don’t know. I guess that’s the running joke, right?”

Huh?

“I mean, nobody is.”

“But we’d all like to believe there’s actually an audience out there that wants to follow our every move.”

Whoa, that was extremely deep, my gorgeous puppy.

“You know, some sites actually have a GPS feature built in. You can tell exactly where someone is every time they post a new comment.”

Yup. We’re seriously living in a dangerous world.

“This is telling us how he’s finding him, but it’s not telling us how he’s getting into their houses.”

“At the very least, I believe that he has copies of their keys. Doris Archer gad a security home system installed, but the disable code was entered at 1:56 AM. So he knew that, too.”

Fudge.

“He also found a way to deal with her dog.”

“A German Shepherd she adopted from the pound last year went missing the night that she did.”

Awwwwww

“All right, so this guy’s gotta be in and out of the house well before the night of the disappearance.”

Well, yeah.

“What about the people who come into your house that you don’t consider a threat?”

Oh boy. That’s one smart Italian honey.

“Okay, Morgan and Prentiss, start with the last abduction sites. See if anything points to his MO.”

“Dave, you, Reid, and JJ go back over the women’s lives. Start with their friends on the social networking sites.”

Oh dear. I hope they find this fucker.

“Did you find anyone willing to talk to us about the victims?”

“The problem wasn’t who to bring in.”

Can I be honest? That guy reminds me of a cartoon ... can’t put my finger on it, but he does.

Whoa. That’s a lot of people.

“The man we’re looking for might have found your daughter through her social networks. Did Paula mention anyone new in her life?”

Nope.

It’s her mom. She doesn’t’ know about Facebook and stuff. No offense to any moms out there, but usually nowaday moms around that age are pretty incompetent with Facebook.

“So I’m assuming she knew who followed her, then?”

“Oh, god no. She had over 1,000 friends.”

Ha.

“Wow. Why so many?”

Oh my honey.

It’s a work strategy.

“So, wait. Even though she told all those people what she was doing, she didn’t know who was following her?”

Welcome to the 21st century – where we share everything with strangers and basically invite creepers to kill us ;)

“Actually, I don’t have email.”

LOL.

“These websites are like email on crack”.

Yup.

“Did Doris ever mention letting someone in her home?”

Nope.

“Bruno ... the dog. So he was a guard dog?”

Oh god. The poor puppy.

So he changed the photographs that told a story? Oh boy.

“Okay, JJ, I got it.”

“You see it?”

“Actually, yeah. Looks like he did try to hang something on the wall.”

Boom. My puppy is on top of things.

“There’s even a little residue left over.”

“Morgan.”

“Let me call you back.”

“Yeah, what do you got?”

“Hey, I got one up here, too.”

“What would he try to hang on that part of the wall?”

“Well, from here, I have an unobstructed view of the second floor and down the stairs.”

“It’s the same thing down here. You can see the entire entrance.”

“Cameras.”

Fuck.

“We think this is what he’s using to spy on his victims.”

Shit.

“They’re small, they’re cheap, and they’re easily hidden behind photos, books, plants.”

“The footage they record can be transmitted anywhere … website of your choice, even your cell phone.”

Fuck.

Meanwhile, my poodle investigates.

“And he can toggle between cameras to see everything that’s happening in the house.”

Oh dear lord.

“And you found five of these at different points in the house?”

“Upstairs, downstairs, bedroom, even the bath.”

Oh god, this dude is sick.

“A ruse gets him in the door, but it doesn’t buy him enough time to put up five of these.”

Nope.

“Once he learns their routine, all he has to do is pick the lock, put up the rest of the cameras, and boom, he got their whole life at his fingertips.”

Fuck.

“What does he do with the video? Maybe he keeps them?”

“If he’s voyeur, yes.”

And there they go again, making Derek say the sexiest things ever in the sickest connotation and it just infuriates me.

“Uh, voyeurs are rarely violent. Their excitement comes from spying without the object knowing they’re being watched.”

“And by abducting his victims, he’s removing the outlet of his sexual release. Reid is right.”

Duh. I mean, why is this even being put in question?

“We need to have Garcia dig the surveillance and illegal video websites.”

“I’m going to take this with us.”

“Why?”

“We originally profiled there wasn’t any facial similarity between the victims, but I’m not so sure that’s true.”

“I want to compare Doris’s picture with the other victims.”

Oh my smart poodle.

“These videos the unsub took, it looks like one of them he posted online, which may help me nab him.”

“If he puts it on the web, can’t you track that back directly to his computer?”

“Normally, yes. Normally, in like seventeen seconds I can get you the network he’s using, get a physical address,”

“And presto change-o, no more bad guy,”

“But this unsub is a creepy computer aficionado.”

Well, fuck.

“Do you guys know what a proxy server is?”

“It’s an internet relay.”

“Precisely. Kids use them to get around blocked sites.”

Fuck.

“Now, usually, one proxy is plenty, but this piece of work is using dozens of proxy servers.”

Shit.

“He’s bounced his signal off China, North Korea, Russia, South Africa …”

“Garcia, can you track him back to Boise?”

“Of course I can, and that’s what I’m doing. Time is the unfortunate ingredient I need, though.”

Fuck.

“This just in. Looks like one of the proxy servers archived what he was streaming on the night of Doris Archer’s disappearance.”

Shit.

“Can we see it?”

“Pulling it up now.”

“Well, Prentiss and Morgan were right. He knows the house.”

“Oh, please don’t hurt that doggie.”

I love you, my angel.

“The camera’s attached to him. It’s his point of view.”

Shit.

“So he can relive it over and over again.”

Double shit.

“Okay, can someone tell me when this is over?”

I love you.

“Please.”

“Not yet.”

Fuck.

“He’s tender to her.”

“She means more to him as a corpse than as a living person.”

Fuck.

“Garcia, we need to find the unsub’s network. Even if it’s a rough area, it’ll help narrow the geographic profile.”

“Yes, sir, that’s totally what I’m trying to figure out. Uh, there is something else kind of huge you need to know about.”

Oh fuck.

“Do you see this line of code there?”

“Yeah, what about them?”

“It allows the user admin, and in this case, the unsub, to set up a chat room.”

Fuck.

“People were watching this on the night of the murder.”

“We thought he was posting these after the act. He’s not.”

“He wants people to experience it with him.”

“He wants an audience.”

Shit.

I’m about to barf.

“He has fans.”

“Tip of the hat to his fans.”

Fuck.

“He knows they’re watching.”

“Classic narcissistic behavior.”

Pah. You know it.

“Hey, guys. Garcia’s got something for us.”

“Go ahead, baby girl.”

“Okay, friends, I have some good news, but first, here is the thing that sucks.”

“I located the network the unsub is using in Boise, and it is the victims’ own wireless.”

“So does he hack in before he starts with the murders.”

“Hacking is obscenely time-consuming.”

“I just make it look easy because I’m a genius.”

“But, he’s not me.”

Oh god, I love this woman.

“So my guess is that he’s got to lurk around their network for at least a couple of days to a week before he kills them.”

“Yeah, he knows when we follow his online paper trail it’ll lead us right back to the murder site.”

“What’s the good news?”

“Hackers are very loyal to their spoofing techniques, and if they think no one’s watching, they’ll use the same roads over and over.”

“Okay, so if he goes through Russia, Chine, and North Korea again …”

“I have flagged those servers, and if he uses them in the same order, I will catch him so fast.”

“That’s only going to help if he commits another murder.”

“Yes, that’s also true.”

Fuck.

“Excuse me.”

“Garcia, if he does stream this again, how much time will you need to find the network?”

“Oh, uh, that’s hard to guess with all the international pinging. I …”

“Ballpark.”

“Seven minutes?”

That’s fast.

“That’s not fast enough. He’s in and out of the house in five.”

Fuck.

“Oh, God. I’m going to have to trim my time down, then.”

I love how she just sets goals for herself, not even questioning her own abilities.

“Garcia, get it done.”

Hey! Not nice!

“JJ, we need to call a press conference.”

Oh god.

“I know what connects the victims.”

What?

“I was staring at pictures of the victims and I knew there was a pattern connecting them, but I couldn’t tell what it was until I broke it down mathematically.”

Oh my genius poodle.

“Why are we so drawn to celebrity faces?”

Says the guy who started out as a model XD

“Because there’s a symmetry to their beauty …”

Oh wow.

I never thought of it like that.

“The more balanced they are, the more appealing they are to our eye.”

“These women aren’t celebrities, though.”

Nope.

“But there are similarities between them, and it wasn’t until I scanned the pictures and got it to the guys at Quantico that I had a full breakdown.”

“All right, strip away eye color, hair color, and skin tone, and what are we left with geometrically?”

“They’re all slightly dystopian.”

Fuck.

“He might not even be aware that he sees it in them.”

“There have been studies that suggest that we pick our spouses subconsciously, based on a facial symmetry that we recognize.”

Damn.

“So consciously or unconsciously, when he recognizes it, he has to destroy it.”

Fuck.

“Maybe … they’re a reflection.”

“Remember what he did at the end of the video? He wiped the tear away.”

Fuck.

“Most of us take the internet for granted. We forget about texts that we share or updates we put on social networks. But the internet never forgets.”

Nope.

“Once it’s out there, it’s out there forever.”

“Now, we all know about the horrific deaths that get shown on the web.”

“Those murders are immortal. And this unsub craves that same immortality.”

“He recognizes his face on theirs and he kills them as a way of saying, ‘this is what I look like.’”

I wanna hurl.

“Fortunately for us, this means we have a good idea of what he looks like.”

Oh god. I hope they catch him fast.

“We overuse the term narcissistic in our culture, but we’re going back to the psychological definition. Every aspect of this man’s life has been constructed around an inflated sense of self.”

“Unsubs like this are particularly vulnerable to what’s called narcissistic injury.”

“If his self-worth is attacked or damaged, he will lash out.”

“Under no circumstances should you denigrate him.”

God, I hope they are careful.

JJ handling the press like a boss.

“Hotch.”

“Somebody leaked our profile.”

Fuck.

“Oh, you crafty little sicko.”

I love you, Garcia.

“Sir, it’s fantastic you called. I just figured out …”

“So, how are you doing on pinning down the network?”

Why are you interrupting my genius?

“Okay. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

“Remember how I said he was spoofing his signal of different servers? Well, it turns out some of those are a decoy meant to waste my time.”

“So does that mean you can find him faster?”

“Totally. Totally. I can write a program that filters out the decoys …”

“Oh, crap.”

Are they allowed to say ‘crap’?

“Is that him?”

“Yeah. Okay, it looks like I’m gonna have to filter this on the fly.”

I love you.

“Can you send us the feed?”

“I can intercept it in Ukraine.”

“He’s going live.”

“Look at the way he’s moving. He’s not slow and deliberate. This guy’s pissed.”

“All right, what do we see? Determining markers.”

“A one-story cottage.”

Not helping.

“Is there a number on the house?”

“No, and he’s already at the door.”

Oh fuck.

“Garcia.”

“He’s using twice as many proxy servers.”

“Wait. This window here on the bottom … is that the chat room?”

Yup.

What happened?”

“Someone asked the wrong question at the press conference.”

“Oh, my god, turn around. Just turn around.”

“Maybe she can fend him off.”

“New kitchen appliances. Can we track them through work orders?”

“He’ll be gone by then.”

“Garcia, give us something.”

“I’m stateside now. I’m almost to Idaho. I just need more time.”

“You’re not gonna make it.”

“Yes, I will.”

Oh my determined goddess.

“Forget the unsub. can you run a trace on everybody in the chat room?”

“I can’t do both, sir. Let me do this.”

“Garcia, tag the viewers. That’s an order.”

Fuck.

Oh my horrified puppy.

“Baby girl, it’s gonna be okay.”

“No, no it’s not.”

“It’s bad enough that there’s been so much death around me, but this guy is all up in my turf. And he’s really good at what he does for really awful reasons.”

“That’s why you’re gonna find the perverts that watched it happen in that chat room.”

“And we’ll nail them to the wall and they’re gonna give up the unsub.”

“No, no, that is not good enough.”

“I want to watch him suffer.”

“I want to watch him bleed.”

WHAT?

“Oh, god. I just scared myself.”

And me.

“Good, that’s a good thing.”

Huh?

“Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned the hard way is the last person you want to tick off is Miss Penelope Garcia.”

Aww.

“That’s a compliment, right?”

“Yes, it is.”

Aw…

“We will beat this guy. Believe that.”

“Now, I’ll call you when we’ve got something.”

I love Derek Morgan beyond all measure.

“He was moving faster because he was angry.”

“So he rushed. Which means he made a mistake.”

“Well, it wasn’t the cameras. He remembered to take those with him.”

“It wasn’t the body. He took that with him, too.”

“Hey, did Garcia find anything unusual with Allison’s wireless?”

“No, records show that it was a basic DSL installation.”

“Hey, Prentiss.”

Ooh, my baby is onto something.

“What do you got?”

“You see this line right here?’

“This is what brings the internet from the street into the house.”

Oh snap.

“This isn’t DSL.”

Nope.

“It’s a fiber-optic cable. Completely different type of connection.”

“We just found his mistake.”

Boom.

“If there’s already an internet connection in the house, why does he bring his own with him? Is it the upload speed?”

“Fiber-optic allows him to stream large amounts of video. And maintain a chat room.”

Fuck.

“That’s dozens of computers connected to him at once.”

“He’d need a lot of bandwidth for something like that.”

Damn.

Let’s get the fuckers.

“FBI. We have a warrant.”

“This is a warrant for all the computers in your possession. You’re under arrest for accessory to murder.”

“Watching a murder happen online and doing nothing about it is a felony.”

So they’re at the place where the fucker got the cables.

“We think it’s an employee using your cable as a ruse to get into the house. Can you think of any …?”

“Mac Jones.”

Boom.

“We need his information.”

Yup.

“Ladies and gentlemen, meet Mac Jones.”

That’s a different dude.

“That’s because last year, Mr. Jones had his identity stolen.”

Frack.

“Now, I can’t tell you who the unsub is pretending to be now,”

“But since a picture’s worth a thousand databases, I can tell you who he was.”

“Robert Johnson, three-time loser, arrested for possession of torture videos.”

Ugh.

“Spent some time in a halfway house before he disappeared.”

“I found a blog of his online.”

“Here’s a quote … ‘Next time you won’t be able to stop me.’”

“That’s his narcissism again.”

“Garcia, is there a pattern to the identities that he steals?”

“No. he’s really disciplined about it. Once he burns through an identity, he never uses the same one again.”

“You know how I describe some suspects as being off the grid? This guy is totally the opposite.”

“He’s all over the grid. He’s manipulating the grid.”

“And he never stays in one place for very long.”

“So how do we find out who he is now?”

“I don’t think we’re going to. The man known as Robert Johnson is in the wind.”

Fuck.

“If he’s this flexible with his name, his real name, forget it.”

“But there is another way we can find him.”

Yes?

“His online name, his hacker handle. That’s the name that matters to him.”

“Wait. Wouldn’t he have hundreds of those, too?”

“Most definitely. But remember how I said hackers are loyal? They stick to certain names.”

“That’s how you identify yourself to other hackers.”

“That’s how the FBI caught me.”

And she’s so proud of it. Oh my lovely.

“So if we find the handle …”

“I’ll get you the unsub. I promise.”

“See, Scott, we think it was you.”

“And we found some pretty interesting movies in your hard drive to back up our theory.”

Ooh, my lovely tough guy.

“‘White girls can’t hump.’ That’s nice.””

Wow. The sarcasm.

“‘Schindler’s fist.’”

Oh god.

“See, this one right here, this is the one that got my attention.”

“The erotic awakenings of Sandy.’”

“How old was the girl in that video? What was she, twelve?” Fuck.

“I can explain”

Yeah right.

“Shut up!”

“This is what’s weird to me.”

Something specific is weird to you? Oh god.

“Most of your files were locked away, but not the child porn. We found it in like five minutes.”

“It wasn’t password-protected or anything.”

“How does someone who’s supposed to be so smart with computers do something so dumb?”

“Can we cut a deal?”

Ha. Yeah, right.

“Before this guy accepts you into the club … he gives you the illegal stuff. Kids. Torture.”

Oh god, I’m about to be sick.

“He has to know that you’re risking as much as he is. Mutually assured destruction.”

“You rat him out, he takes you with him.”

“What’s his name?”

“Don’t you try and play me, kid.”

“His online name.”

“Mrs. Prentiss.”

Ha.

“Agent Prentiss.”

To you, pervert.

“He sent out a message. He said tonight would be the best one yet.”

Oh fuck.

“What’s interesting, Mr. Chapman, the other two men we talked to, they had a form of collateral on their hard drive.”

“Hard-core pornography. Illegal. Rough.”

How is an old clueless grandpa getting involved in this shit?

So he knows the unsub because he came into his store? Oh dear, the poor dude.

“Do you believe him?”

“I believe he doesn’t fit the profile of the other voyeurs. They’re good with computers. They have hacking experience.”

“Garcia checked out the website. She said it’s crude. You can’t even order anything from it.”

“I got him.”

“Does he have his own network?”

“He doesn’t need one. He’s got a whole city to leech off of. He’s doing this again tonight.”

“Can you send me a list of networks he’s hacked recently?”

“I got twenty hits.”

“Filter out men and families. He only hits single women.”

“Eight left.”

“Garcia, do you have any pictures?”

“Coming your way.”

Boom.

My genius has her.

“You sure?” Oh come on.

“This is the FBI, we’re coming in.”

“She’s not here, but her car is.”

“It just went on by itself.”

Oh fuck.

“He’s recording us.”

“Garcia, the unsub is working off Lucy Masters’ network. Can you tell where the video’s being transmitted to?”

“I can’t tell. He’s not logged in as Watcher89. He’s not using any of the regular proxy servers.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I wouldn’t know that this was him.”

“Damn it! He’s encrypted his connection to the proxies. There’s nothing I can do to help you find him.”

“What do we see?”

“Metal walls.”

“Wait a minute. Garcia, can you magnify the wall behind her?”

My goddess desperate to help.

“It’s a walk-in freezer.”

Fuck. He got it from the old geezer.

“We didn’t catch you by mistake, did we, Austin?”

“You gave him a place to hide the bodies.”

“When something goes out on the internet, it’s out there forever.”

“Now, you’re going to jail. That’s a foregone conclusion.”

“But unless you cooperate with me, I will do everything I can to make sure that the next time your grandkids google you, they will find out what kind of a monster grandpa really is.”

Oh damn.

First time I’m scared of Rossi.

 “Where is the freezer?”

They got him.

“We’re on our way.”

“Garcia, it’s been three minutes since the signal went up live. Lucy might not have that much time left.”

Stop pressuring my goddess.

“I can buy you some. Now that I have his physical address, I got my business all up in his.”

I love you.

“No, no, not today.”

XD

“Now, when your internet goes down, it ruins your whole day, doesn’t it, psycho?”

I love you, lady.

“Get off her!”

Get him!

“What do you see when you look at them?”

Why try and understand that fucker?

“Get him out of there.”

God.

Eric Schmidt: “The internet is the first thing humanity has built that humanity doesn’t understand, the largest experiment in anarchy that we have ever had.”

Whoa.

Not gonna bore you iwth any more verbiage, I think it’s pretty obvious my stance on the peisode. LOVED IT!

I’ll see you all tomorrow for the season finale of season five. HOLY SHIT! Where has the time gone to?