#also if the left hand looks weird thats because it was a last minute addition ...

[catamaurrr-star]

let's take ibuprofen together

[strawberryjeonginnie]

Neighbors//Bang Chan

Requested: yes

Genre: fluff, neighbor AU

Additional: bulletpoint, gender-neutral reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: none

Summary: Chris has no clue how to flirt, but maybe Minho can help.

—

you had just moved into this new neighborhood, in a new city 

and you knew absolutely NO ONE

so you had to do all the moving by yourself

while u were struggling with one of the heavier boxes, u suddenly felt someone pick it up from u??????

they moved the box from the front of their face and hOLY SHIT IT WAS A REALLY CUTE GUY

he,,,, had the squishiest face,,,,,

“hey! I’m guessing you’re my new neighbor!” He smiled

HIS DIMPLES?????

“y-yeah, I guess I am! thank you, by the way,” You blushed, picking up an easier box to carry

“I’m Chris, by the way,” he said setting down the box in your empty living room

“(Y/n). Thank you so much for helping me out with that box”

“it’s no problem! I couldn’t let my cute new neighbor struggle by themself!”

AJDHIDJDJDD HE CALLED U CUTE

“by the way! I should probably give you my number just in case you ever need anything or maybe just want to hang out,” he said. he took a pen out of his back pocket and wrote it down on your hand, smiling at you when he finished

why the FUCK was this cute, curly-haired Australian so fucking adorable

like hello you’ve only known him for ten minutes and you’re already willing to marry him if he asked you to

“I’ve got to go meet up with my friends now, but please text me later! it was nice to meet you!”

and just like that—he was gone

—

“MiNhO i NeEd YoUr HeLp”

what was supposed to be a regular coffee meet up to discuss plans for their band had quickly turned into the most urgent moment of Chris’s life

“What is it you big baby”

“I think I just met the love of my life,” Chris sighed dreamily. he knew it was ridiculous to call you the “love of his life”, but he thought you were super attractive oKAY

“oooooh, tell me more,” Minho said, propping his head on his hand, smirking at Chris from across the table

“okay so maybe they’re not the love of my life but I have a fat crush on my new neighbor. they’re really cute and they were all flustered when I helped them and :(“

“Chris, my boy, you have come to the right person. let me give you a little advice on flirting—“

—

it had been week since the Chris incident, and u stILL HAVENT TEXTED HIM

u were shy and scared bc he was hot and cute at the same time and that intimidated u :((

but!! u were pleasantly surprised when you walked outside your apartment and saw Chris, who lived a few doors down, standing outside his door

he looked over at you and smiled, waving happily

heart rate: increased

feelings: strong

uwus: dropped

Chris walked over to you, an awkward grin adorning his features

“hey, (Y/n)! how’s moving coming along?” he asked, leaning up against the wall next to your door

“Chris! It’s good to see you again! I’m almost done with unpacking, actually! I was about to go get some coffee and finish the rest. would you like to come with?”

the question slipped out of your mouth before you could think about it, and you wanted to punch yourself in the face

whatever god thats out there was playing a cruel, cruel joke on you

Chris’s face lit up, and his cheeks dusted pink

“yeah, sure! I’ve been wanting to get to know you better anyways”

the trip to the coffee shop was honestly a blessing in disguise

like????? you got to know Chris so much better???? and maybe your feelings for him were more solid??????

homeboy was a SWEETHEART

he even payed for your coffee :(

Chris was so funny too!!!

like,,, he was so much more than an attractive guy with a cute accent

afterwords he offered to help you with the rest of your unpacking!!!

(u said yes because there was a lot of stuff n u didn’t wanna do all of it by yourself ajdhdjdb)

he even made the unpacking fun!!

honestly, by the end of the night, you considered Chris a friend, and not just your neighbor

and when you called him your friend?????

he had the BIGGEST smile on his face

you were genuinely confused as to why he was smiling like that, but u just went with it

after he left, you decided he wasn’t scary anymore and sent him a text

(u were still nervous as fuck though)

[You, 7:36 PM]: thank u so much for helping out tonight!! Next time, coffee is on me ;)

ya u used the winky face

ur basically the bravest person alive

[Chris, 7:37 PM]: you’re welcome! and how about we go out for coffee next Thursday at 9?

—

Chris was freaking the fuck out

you!!! texted him!!!! and implied that you wanted to hang out again!!!!

[Chris, 7:43 PM]: Minho can I call you this is urgent (y/n) wanTS TO HANG OUT WITH ME AGAIN AND I WANT TO IMPRESS THEM WHAT DO I DO

almost immediately after he sent the text, his phone rung. Minho was calling him

“Okay I’m gonna tell u what u gotta do, my dude,” Minho said, making Chris sigh in relief

“thank you so much, Minho. You’re really a life saver”

after Minho explained everything to Chris, he really wished the advice wasn’t true

“please say sike”

“I’m sorry. It’s scripture”

“I must do what I must do”

it wasn’t like it was anything weird or embarrassing

he was just shy about it ajdhjdjd

but!!!! he was going to commit to it!!!!!

because who knows if you meet someone and they start flirting with you before he can?

sucks to be awkward and in love, I guess :/

“just remember, Chris, wear something nice, but also casual! you want to look good, but you don’t want to look like you put too much thought into it!”

“thank you again, Minho. I really appreciate it”

“anytime”

—

the week flew by, and before you knew it, it was Thursday

also known as; doomsday

you and Chris texted a lot throughout the week, and you were confident to say that you knew him well by this point

he was so easy to talk to over text!

but you didn’t have to worry about face-to-face conversations

and you didn’t bump into him at all since you last saw him due to the two of you having busy schedules

so you were pretty nervous about today, and attempted to put effort into how you looked

(you looked fine as fuck)

you arrived before Chris did, so you took the liberty of ordering your drinks (you remembered him saying he didn’t like coffee, so you opted to order him tea instead)

and when you sat down, you heard the chime of sometime entering the store

looking up, you felt like you just got throat punched by Mr. Bang

he looked,,,,, so fucking good,,,,,

he was in a white button down tucked into some black jeans, and his hair was in its naturally curly state

it was simple, but you nearly choked from how good he looked

“h-hey, Chris!” you waved, attracting his attention

he smiled, approaching your table. he sat across from you and thanked you for the tea you had ordered him

“y-you look nice today” he stuttered, immediately losing the confidence to flirt with you

he was trying but he felt so awkward :(

you two started to talk, the conversation easy and natural between you guys

but he was still trying his best to apply the Lee Know magic!!!!

at one point, your hand was resting on the table, and he decided to just go for it

he was gonna be lowkey and just casually set his hand on top of yours

but!!! you saw his hand moving towards yours and he chickened out!!!!!

he quickly grabbed his drink as a cover-up

es tan triste esto, Alexa play despacito

the whole time he just kept being awkward and nervous and it was starting to worry you

did you do something wrong???

“hey, Chris, is something wrong?”

“wHaT yEaH iM fInE”

“are you sure?? you look flushed and you’ve been acting weird :(“

“I guess I should tell you the truth” he sighed

????? what?

“I-I think you’re really funny and cute, and I can’t get you off of my mind. I really like you, (Y/n)”

WEE WOO WEE WOO

CHRIS FUCKING LIKES YOU AJDHDJJFDJ

for some reason!! u just!!! laugh!!!! in your panic!!!!!

“Chris, you dumb thot, I like you too”

Chris smiled, a sigh of relief escaping his lips

“in that case—would you maybe like to spend the rest of the day cuddled up on the couch, watching shitty movies?”

“I’d love that”

—

masterlist

[callboxkat]

Infinitesimal (part 14)

Author’s note: This chapter is a day late because of the whole log-out thing, but I hope you guys enjoy it!

Warnings: Food mention, nervousness, talk of illness and injuries

Word count: 1756

Check the notes for the masterpost!

...

Roman had made something called ‘tacos’ for dinner. He set a saucer before Patton with a flourish, which held a smaller version of one of these weird foods: a very flat piece of bread topped with some kind of meat, cheese just as soft as what Logan had brought him earlier, and lettuce. There was also a bit of some kind of red sauce off to the side. Roman handed Logan his plate and then showed Patton how to eat the taco, by rolling up the bread—the ‘tortilla’—and eating it that way.

“That’s called ‘salsa’,” Roman said, seeing Patton eyeing the sauce. “It’s spicy, and I wasn’t sure if you’d like it, so I left it off to the side.”

Patton hesitantly reached towards it, dipping the tip of his finger in the sauce.

“Just try a little,” Roman warned.

Patton licked the tip of his finger, and he immediately jerked away, making a face. What the heck was that?

Roman looked like he was trying not to laugh. “No salsa, then,” he commented, sounding amused.

Logan shook his head with a sigh. “I told you he wouldn’t like it. He likely doesn’t have much experience with spicy food. A taste for foods containing capsaicin is built up over time—no one is born desensitized to it.”

“I just thought he could try it!” Roman defended himself. “You never know.”

“No, but I had a strong hypothesis and supportive evidence. You had neither.”

Roman gasped, putting a hand on his chest and looking affronted. “You’re the one who said we shouldn’t make assumptions about him! Or did you forget that?”

Patton was starting to feel on edge, until he noticed that both humans were grinning as they argued. It wasn’t a serious fight. He released his breath slowly, picking up a piece of cheese to get the taste of the salsa out of his mouth.

…

Once Virgil had finished mending his and his brother’s clothes, he made his way back to their bedroom. Emile, still curled up in bed, mumbled something in his sleep. He looked pretty cozy, nestled there in the blankets.

Since Virgil was planning to go out tonight, he should probably get some rest beforehand. Right?

That was all the self-motivation he needed. He set his crutches to the side, removed his shoes, and crawled into the nest, curling up at his brother’s side. Emile tended to move around in his sleep, so as usual, Virgil made sure his left foot was away from his brother so that the odds of him accidentally bumping into it were small.

Curled up in that warm bundle of blankets with his brother sleeping peacefully at his side, Virgil closed his eyes.

…

Patton decided that he liked tacos. He wasn’t exactly a fan of the salsa, but the tacos themselves were pretty tasty. They had cheese, anyway, which he had decided he very much liked.

“Have you finished eating?” Logan asked after a while.

Patton looked down at his plate. There was quite a bit of food left on it, in addition to the all-but-untouched salsa; but Patton didn’t think he could eat any more. He nodded, and Logan reached to take the saucer.

When he walked out of the room with all of the plates, Roman turned to Patton. “Hey, Pat?”

Patton looked up, already apprehensive, but Roman just smiled reassuringly at him. “I just wanted to ask how you were feeling.”

Patton shrugged. He was okay. He still had a headache, and he was a little dizzy, but that was nothing new. Neither was as bad as usual, so he supposed that was positive. He was still tired, unsurprisingly, but he was warm with his blankets over his lap, his stomach was comfortably full, and he had a container of water that he could drink from whenever he got thirsty.

“Can’t complain,” he said quietly.

…

Emile had left about fifteen minutes ago to find more food for the pair of littles. Virgil was still waiting: he hadn’t wanted to immediately follow his brother out just in case Emile had forgotten something. It would be awkward if he returned and found Virgil missing.

After about twenty minutes, when Virgil had grown too impatient to wait any longer, he set out.

He made his way through the walls down to the apartment where Patton was being kept, and then to one of the entrances into the room he was in. He snuck carefully out, glad to see that the room was as dark and silent as he had hoped to find it.

Virgil emerged from the hidden doorway in the wall, pushing the piece of the baseboard back into place once he was in the room. It was precisely cut so that when the pieces lined up right, the humans would never be able to tell that a doorway was hidden there. One he was sure the pieces were properly aligned, Virgil pushed aside the curtain that trailed down to cover this portion of the wall and looked towards the table where he expected to find Patton. He could see part of the cage from here, but he couldn’t see the little yet.

Virgil made quick work of getting to the base of the table, wanting to be in the open for as short a time as possible, even at this time of night. When he got to the table leg, he looked around once more, just to be extra sure he really was alone, and then started to fasten his crutches to his back. He leaned on the table leg as he got them secured, not looking to stumble and accidentally put too much weight on his bad foot.

Then, he began to climb.

…

Virgil hoisted himself up onto the table, panting. He quickly loosened the string around his waist and looked around for Patton, only to pause.

Patton wasn’t in the cage, but was instead lying on the table just outside of it. At least, Virgil thought it was him. He was underneath some blankets, which were pulled up to nearly cover his head. Virgil cautiously moved closer. For all he knew, it was just a doll wrapped up in fabric, an attempt to trick him into thinking it was the little.

“Patton?” he whispered.

The form under the blankets shifted, pale hands pushing the blankets aside as Patton’s eyes flickered open. He squinted sleepily. “…Virgil?”

Virgil sighed in relief. “Hey, there. It’s me.”

“You came back,” Patton said, his words somewhat slurred. He sounded happy about it, even if he was still half-asleep.

“I did,” Virgil confirmed.

Patton’s eyes had started to drift shut again. Virgil closed the remaining distance between them and gently shook his shoulder. “Hey, wait. Don’t go back to sleep yet, okay?”

“Mmm.”

Once Virgil was sure that Patton was paying attention, he asked, “How are you doing? Have the humans hurt you?”

“I’m fine.” Patton sounded more alert than before. “They haven’t hurt me.”

“Do you know what they’re planning to do with you?”

“No… I don’t know what they’re planning. It’s weird… like they’re not planning anything. They said they’re gonna let me go.”

“Patton, you have to know that they’re not really going to let you go.”

“I know,” he mumbled, breaking off to yawn. “But they let me stay out here tonight.”

Virgil knew that this choice was probably only because Patton would have a hard time escaping at the moment. Sure, he had made it to the floor before, and the humans didn’t know that he had had help, but they probably also assumed that Patton didn’t have an escape route from the apartment itself.  Virgil supposed that might even be true, since Patton wasn’t familiar with the pathways and hidden doors in the building. The humans probably saw it as a nearly risk-free way of tricking the little into trusting them. But judging by Patton’s subdued tone, he already knew this, too.

“I’m not going to leave you here,” Virgil promised.

Patton started to sit up. “Are we going now?”

“No,” he said regretfully. “Whatever the humans want, I think they want you healthy first. So, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to wait until you’re feeling better to get you out of here. You barely made it down to the floor last time. I just want to make sure that we get you out of here in one piece.”

Patton pouted, but he nodded his consent. Virgil blinked, having expected him to at least try to change his mind, to insist on getting out of there sooner.

“In the meantime, I need you to act sick,” Virgil eventually continued.

“But I am sick,” the other little mumbled, confused.

“I know. But the longer the humans think you’re sick, the longer I think we have until they do anything.  So just… act a bit sicker than you actually are. Just so we can be sure to get you out in time. I won’t wait long, I promise.”

Patton hesitated a moment, but then he nodded.

“Do you need anything?” Virgil asked. He’d prefer not to stay here longer than necessary, but he wanted to make sure that Patton would be okay while he was gone.

There was a long pause. Virgil quirked an eyebrow at Patton.

“Could you stay?” he finally asked.

Virgil glanced back the way he had come, then turned his gaze to Patton again, giving him a doubtful expression. Patton retaliated with puppy-dog eyes, and Virgil sighed. He nodded in reluctant agreement. He could stay for a while, he supposed.

Patton moved his blankets aside, clearly wanting the other little to join him. Virgil lay down beside him, and Patton scooted back to make more room. The two ended up lying under the blankets together, sharing a pillow. Virgil gingerly put an arm around Patton, unsure if he had any other injuries that he wasn’t aware of. Patton made a little pleased sound and snuggled closer.

“Hey, Patton?” Virgil asked quietly.

“Hmm?” Patton seemed to be already well on his way to falling back asleep.

“If the humans didn’t do this to you… what did happen? You don’t have to tell me, obviously, I mean; I don’t want to press. But…” Virgil trailed off.

Patton shifted, keeping his eyes shut.

“Sorry, that was stupid. I shouldn’t ask things like that. Just go back to sleep.”

“No,” Patton mumbled. “It’s okay.” He opened one eye. “I’ll tell you what happened to me… if you tell me what happened to you.”

...

Tag list: @arc852 @thats-so-crash @romanasanders @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @anyay666  @nightmarejasmine @side-for-sides @joyfullyyouniquefangirl @infinitesimal-grey @justanotherpurplebutterfly @punsterterry @dylan-winchesters-blog @i-like-cookiez @smol-jar-of-pickles @musicwithalex @brookeisanerd @scorching-scotch @of-swords-and-princes @thepoolofthedead @a-black-pegasus @brooky71 @downrightdanny @rainbow-sides @wolfie-kinz @bluebloodstains @starryfirefliesbloggo @patton-loves-coloring @purplesoul-at-hogwarts @lotusthatexists-festivestyle @quoth-the-sparrow @awesomelissawho @amuthefunperson @faithfreedom @heck-im-lost @gayfandomsaremything

[saraa-lancee]

The first thing she said after Gary 100% confirmed it was that it wasn’t the plan, and that she can’t be the one that’s pregnant because she’s not supposed to be the pregnant one. No mentioned of her didn’t want to be pregnant. We know they planned for Ava to be the pregnant one first but nothing pointed to Sara not wanting to get pregnant ever. She was more concerned about how Ava would feel because that was the original plan, but Ava being thrilled for her calmed her down real quick.

Im going to start out and say that that's relatively fair. It could be a viewer interpretation thing. All I'm saying is-- my interpretation is she was terrified. For a myriad reasons but I have a whole other post going on that.

I mean. I would also say it's fair that I ask the follow up question-- when was the last time they were allowed to experience an emotion for longer than five minutes on that show? The last time a single line didn't magically resolve complicated emotions beyond reason?

(I want to make the point really quick that this was only a handful of scenes in a heat of the moment situation that could be altered or put in a different light if we get another season)

Also, honestly the last few seasons Saras only ever been worried about whatever the hell Ava feels. It's bullshit- I like Ava, but Sara is still a person. To say a human person with a complex background and complicated internal life is Only Concerned About Avas Feelings ever (which is all this show has been doing lately) is gross. Is it truly realistic to say a person's only emotion about being pregnant hinges on their partners? Not really.

(Also, additional point to add complications because it's who I am-- lmao based on how they were acting, I can't help but wonder if ava acted thrilled because Sara needed her to not be angry at the circumstance or upset. I feel like someone that invested in being pregnant and someone who invests in plans and has avas entire personality would be so happy with such a major change. I feel like Ava was really excited and happy and would be upset.)

Honestly, this show wants shock value and quick resolutions and dollar store emotions now. Ava said something to her and she immediately felt better because they have minutes left in this what, 12 episode season?? She calmed down real quick because everything happens real quick now. Nate said goodbye and left the show real quick. Mick left in like, less than a minute. The entire episode "told, not showed" us for the first half-ish in which absolutely nothing happened but the characters themselves made huge leaps. That's just sloppy writing.

Also-- I say this in the most genuine, least smart ass way but-- maybe "that's not supposed to happen" is like. Shock. "Wait no it was supposed to be Ava" is like. A fairly 'normal' shock/denial response, you know?

A character doesnt-- shouldn't have to- literally spell every single thing out. What's she supposed to do, look at the camera and tell us, the viewer, all the subtext? Trauma dump on Gary-- who (it can be assumed, reasonably I believe) wouldn't know anything about her past and whom Sara isn't emotionally close to? Rehash a conversation with ava? [Interjection that the subtext is 100% what the viewer makes it, how the viewer sees and reads I to the character, etc. That's what I'm saying this could be one of those interpretations things]

It wouldn't even make sense in the context-- because obviously it's assumed if they've already decided that Ava would get pregnant, they've had a conversation between the two of them about who should get pregnant- which would also be a conversation about why one wouldn't want to. The viewer (unfortunately) would not be privy to this conversation, but on TV and in movies they rarely are. It would be weird for Sara to bring it up at the moment the viewer experiences it? "Remember what I told you babe? Remember when I told you [blah blah]." Thats... not great dialouge. Like I said, it's unfortunate subtext but I don't necessary think it's fair to call upon 'she never directly said it'

Also- Does Ava ever directly say "I've always wanted to be pregnant"? (Not being a smart ass, I genuinely don't remember exactly- but the point is if she doesn't, why would Sara say the opposite?)

There is a lot here and I think some of it *does* depend on how the viewer reads people and understands Sara and her subtext, past, and characterizations. Characters can be blank coloring pages, and everyone can fill the lines in with different colors! But the lines themselves, their absence or their presence, don't always define emotions (the colors we use to pain the picture)

[an-inbetween-place]

12. Return

12:48 AM

Guess that didn’t last long, huh?

I was so close to deleting both blogs associated with this email address and starting with a clean slate. But despite the immense amounts of cringe I experienced from scrolling through this blog, I feel like it would be too much of a loss. To miss out on all those past posts/the memories they conjure up simply because of embarrassment.

So we’ll try this again, right? (I wholeheartedly understand that this reads like a bad fanfiction but I cannot stop myself 🤷🏻‍♀️good thing this isn’t my day job...)

At the risk of sounding like the first five minutes of a terrible romcom, so many things have changed.

As I type, I’m now 26 years old - a real adult, with a whole ass job and a 401K. We’re* even on the brink of purchasing real estate (and along with that a M O R T A G E - spelling it like that makes it less scary, right?).

SO, not like it’s anything that we don’t know but I graduated from NYU in 2016 (NOT with honors, thank you very much ... me) but with a major in computer science and a minor in web programming/applications (..so more computer science). We spent exactly 1 month job hunting (got our offer from bluewolf on the 1 month mark after graduation) and have spent the last four and a half years making money for the man. Halfway through that, the IBM acquisition went through and we went up in salary but went down in culture/coworkers/anything fun. 

There weren’t only bad times though. We managed to squeeze in a free trip to Morocco (along with comp’ed flights to Barcelona + the Canary Islands) and have made some great friendships along the way (cue the sparks and melodic background music). 

It makes me immensely sad at this moment to think about how one day, I may be scrolling through this blog and no longer in close communication with Mickey/Swati/other Bluewolf friends. I know that it’s probably going to happen (given the natural course things take - i.e. what���s happened with Leo, Mary, Shelby, Caitlin, Emily -- pps, this makes it sound like something terrible happened, which it did NOT, life just goes on) but I just wanted to note this brief moment of sadness.

In addition to that brief moment of sadness, I also regret not keeping up with this habit/not picking this up during.. let’s phrase them as ‘highlight’ moments of my life. If only I had a post - no matter how brief - during graduation, first day at work, first vacation, really good days, really bad days...

Since we don’t have that - here’s a quick rundown.

Graduation - 2016, super sunny, Yankee stadium did NOT have enough shade (I got sunburnt on my nose), super hectic afterwards, felt like something was happening in my mind/body but I couldn’t really tell what it was (like a feeling of something building up), hopped on a flight to Puerto Rico, first family vacation overseas!, June had to do something for work so everyone was tense, but it was a great week or so

Job Hunting - 2016, super nervous/scared, got really good at getting on the phone immediately after waking up from a nap, thought I crushed a interview - didn’t get it, got crushed by an interview - left the building in the elevator crying, and finally things fell into place

Working! Romas Regime - 2016, super scared of code review and being accepted by the rest of the devs, super scared about being able to complete the ask(s), learned so much, had a weird crush on K/L?

Working! Niki/Kate Regime - 201?-2018, had it under control, considered job hunting?, maybe this was the golden age...

Working! TD Regime - 2018-2019, big shift to full time/classic services client/traveling, DEF had a .. i’m not going to demean myself and say it was weird - crush on S (weirdly had a dream involving him the other night...my feelings did not get returned even in dream form.. that’s rough, buddy), got REAL close to mickey (yay :’) ), def had a lil blossoming crush on A (is it a crush if I just want to wrap him up in a blanket and keep him safe? mans is a sweetheart), learned my lesson about eating out all the time.. lol

Working! 2020 - pandemic vibes, we’ll definitely be getting into this more (in future posts? optimistic but I think I can carry that out), working from queens home is pretty sweet but that division between home + work has disappeared (a easy thing to give up in a hard year), no boss regime!, not good for career growth (aka me flip flopping between feeling guilty about this and not caring)

Just right now, figured out a hack in inserting bullet points since I was too lazy to look up the HTML for it... still got it

I knew this was going to blossom into a.. unsurmountable task once I started. I’ll have to go into more detail in future posts. HOWEVER, the reason I wanted to get back into writing posts today was because I was ~~~reminiscing~~~ about 2020.

Obviously it’s been a hard year. I can’t even begin to describe how it felt back in March -- how I woke up in a panic that grey and rainy Friday morning, fretting over buying groceries because that was the only thing I could control. The sheer defeat I felt when I got to TJs and the line was down the block. The ease and relaxation I felt when I finally got home that Saturday morning.. it felt like my entire chest was opening up.

But the sheer fact that what I’m describing is just around the fear of covid and not about loss or sickness or job security says a lot. And the fact that I felt like I had to say that on a personal blog that literally no one reads (and I’d like to keep it that way, thank you) says a lot about the guilt I feel with my privilege during this year (not that I’m trying NOT to feel guilty.. I am cool living with it).

But my conversations with Sharon lately/the posts I’ve been seeing online pushed me to write/reflect on this. A lot of good has happened for/to me this year! And I want to put it into words and celebrate it.

Here we go again with the bullets hack:

Weight Loss - I really never thought I’d be able to accomplish all the work I’ve done so far. We started in July 2019 at 174 pounds and today I weighed in at 135 pounds. Let’s cut ourselves a break and give us that last pound.. that’s 40 pounds! 

Fitness - This basically goes hand in hand with the last point but I’m also .. shocked with where I’m at today. I can run a few miles, no problem. I feel good! during my run. I know even if I feel poorly, I’ll get back on the starting line and have the potential for a great run - and even if the next one isn’t, it’s still a run in the books! I know what a figure four stretch, a lateral squat, a romanian deadlift, a bear crawl, what all those things are now! 

Family - I’ve spent a TON of time with my parents/family this year (it’s been my only social interaction really). It’s hard at times sure - I miss certain things from last year/pre-covid thats FOR SURE - but it’s nice to spend time with my parents as a ... ‘adult’. It’s nice for us to have this time together.. and for us to be able to make these memories. 

It’s late now (lol that depends on your POV) so I’ll leave those bullets as summaries and go into further detail later on. I do want to say, I’m glad I’m doing this. As cringy as it will be to reread, I’m glad to have this down and appreciative of the reflection.

1:35 AM

*P.S. (the ROYAL) we are aware that we’re popping between the use of ‘I’ and ‘we’ here... it’s a thing we do now. It’ll make us cringe in the future, WE KNOW

[wayward-marvel-sommer1196]

No Memories

Pairing: Dean x Winchester Sister!Reader, Sam x Winchester Sister!Reader, John x daughter!reader

Warnings: Abandonment, drugging, kidnapping, abuse, car crash, hospitalization

Word Count: 4721

A/N: This was written for Kas’ 2.5k Dialogue Prompt Challenge @kas-not-cas My prompt was “You have no idea who I am, do you?”. This takes place about mid season 5, not that it really matters. That is the time frame that fits the ages I’m working with and it was before the bunker. This isn’t the whole story I promise. I meant for this to be a one-shot but it got really long, like this is the longest one-shot I’ve written, and I’m tired from cleaning all day so I thought this was a good place to stop. The second part will probably be really short but it will wrap things up and will be out tomorrow. That being said, I am really proud of this one so tell me what you think feedback is always welcomed and appreciated.Also un-beta-ed and unedited because I’m tired af so all mistakes are mine and I apologize in advance. 

Summary: You are John’s youngest and Sam and Dean’s little sister. You were basically left in their laps by your mother as an infant. One day, when your five years old, you are kidnapped on Dean’s watch. Ten years later you run into Dean in a coincidental accident. What happens when he recognizes you?

Masterlist - No Memories 

^ pretend thats young Dean 

^ I know that’s JJ but lets pretend this is the relationship that Dean and his little sister have.

^When the part comes and you will know it. Imagine this but obviously not as romantic because that would be weird, especially considering the events taking place at that moment.

Dean’s Age: 16

Sam’s Age: 12

Reader’s Age: Like a month old

There was a knock at the door and Sam and Dean just looked at each other. They never had people come to the door. John was in the bathroom and before they could ask what to do another knock rang at the door.

“Dean! Get the door!” John shouted through the bathroom.

Dean stood up and cautiously unlocked and opened the door. In front of him stood a woman. She was about 5’6, had long blonde wavy hair, blue eyes, and a slender build. Exactly John’s type was the thought that rang through Dean’s head.

“Uhhh… is John Winchester here?” she asked.

“Dad!!” Dean yelled out for his father. That’s when Dean heard shrill cry and noticed the pink and black baby carrier she was holding and his eye widened. “Dad, you really need to come out here.”

“I’m coming De- Madeline?” John said.

“Here you go John. She’s your kid. I never wanted this. She’s your problem now. I can’t handle it,” Madeline said as she handed John the carrier, with the still screaming baby, and the baby bag on her shoulder.

“What? No. I can’t take her. She’s just a baby. You know the life I live and I already have my boys. It’s bad enough my boys live this life she doesn’t need to be thrusted into it too. AND she’s your daughter, and doesn’t deserve to be called a ‘problem’,” John said.

“Well, either you take her or she sits outside your door because I’m done.”

“How can you be so cruel? She’s an infant. She didn’t ask to be brought into the world. YOU brought her into the world. That was your decision.”

“I didn’t make her myself John. Last I checked it still takes two to tango. And I thought I can do it but I can’t and by the time I figured that out it was too late to turn back so either you take her or she sits outside,” Madeline said with finality as she turned and walked away.

“Wait, at least tell me her name.”

“Y/N.”

John finally looked down at the screaming child and started to panic. He had no clue what he was going to do. When Sammy was an infant he wasn’t a hunter yet. He was able to care for him, until he couldn’t. But now he and Dean are grown and he was a full-blown hunter. He couldn’t drag an infant into this. He needed air. He needed time to think alone.

“Dean,” John said.

“Sir?” Dean replied.

“This is Y/N. Take her. I need to run an errand and I’ll be back when I get back,” John told his son as he handed him the carrier and walked out the door.

Dean looked down at you crying in the carrier and gave you sad eyes. He couldn’t believe your mother could just hand you over like that. He put the carrier down, pushed the handle back, and started unbuckling you. You reached your arms out to him wanting him to pick you up and he gave you a sad smile and did as you wanted.

“Hey, sweetheart, shhhhh…. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay. I’ve got you,” Dean cooed while bouncing you in his arms.

After about a minute you stopped crying and settled into Dean’s arms. He couldn’t help but smile. Once you calmed down Dean couldn’t help but notice that you had the same green eyes he did. There was no question in his mind you were a Winchester.

Sam sat and watched the whole ordeal and couldn’t help but be happy to have a little sister. He always wanted a little sibling and now he smiled to himself looking at how adorable you were. “Dean?” Sam said.

“Yeah, Sammy?” Dean said.

“Can I hold her?”

“Yeah, just be really careful,” Dean said as he carefully handed you to Sam. Sam held you gently and smiled when you giggled at him. He just thought you were the most adorable thing in the world. After a while you ended up back in Dean’s arms and he found a bottle in your bag and heated it up and fed you. You just sat in Dean’s arms smiling at him and he knew he was done for. You would be able to get him to do anything. You couldn’t even talk yet and you already had him wrapped around your little finger.

About two hours later John came walking back in the motel room with his arms full of bags. He called for Sam to get the rest out of the Impala as he saw you in Dean’s arms. When John walked in and saw the bond you had already created with Dean he knew keeping you was the right decision. He couldn’t believe how good Dean was with you. He saw his oldest son pacing the room with you wrapped in a pink fluffy blanket asleep in his arms.

Sam came back into the room with the rest of the bags and John started to unpack everything. He had a couple boxes of diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, blankets and spit up rags, clothes, toys, and whatever else John could think of getting for you.

“Well boys, how do you feel about having a little sister? Because it looks like we have a new addition, a new little Winchester,” John said.

“We love Y/N already, Dad,” Sam said as he looked over at his brother with you.

Five Years Later

Dean’s Age:21

Sam’s Age: 17

Reader’s Age: 5

“De?” you said.

“Yeah, Y/N,” Dean said.

“Where’s Sammy?”

“He’s at school remember sweetheart? I told you that this morning.”

“Oh yeah. Is he going to be home soon?”

“In a couple hours, why?”

“I’m bored and wanted Sammy to play with me.”

“I’ll play with you sweetie.”

“But you don’t like to play with Barbie’s.”

Dean chuckled and nodded his head, “Yeah, you got me there sweetheart,” he said as he knelt in front of you lightly grabbing your chin. He would never admit it but to Dean you were more than his little sister, over the years you had become more of a daughter to him. He raised you more than John did so in his head you were his daughter. “Why don’t we go to the park to kill some of that energy you have building up?”

“YEAH! The park is so much fun, De,” you said as you jumped into his arms.

“Okay, but first you need to change into shorts. A dress isn’t appropriate for the park. And you need to put on your sneakers.”

You ran and changed as quick as you could and grabbed your sneakers. You ran to Dean because you still didn’t know how to tie your shoes.

“We really need to get you velcro sneakers,” Dean said with a smile on his lips.

You guys were at the park and every new item you tried you called for your big brother to watch you. He looked over and smiled every time and couldn’t help but think how adorable you were and how happy it made him that you wanted him to see you try everything.

When you were on the third jungle gym from the right Dean caught sight of a pretty little brunette. She was just his type and after looking at her for a minute and almost getting up to approach her, he shook his head. Now wasn’t the time. He was there with you and he needed to give you all his attention.

When he looked back to the jungle gym you weren’t there. He quickly got up screaming your name and searching each jungle gym not finding you.

“Y/N! Y/N! Sweetheart, this isn’t funny. You can’t hide from De. Come on Y/N. Y/N!!!!!!” Dean screamed having no luck and starting to panic. His heart started racing and started approaching people asking if they had seen you.

“Excuse me ma’am but have you seen my daughter she was at the last jungle gym. She has brown hair in braids, wearing a princess shirt, and blue jean shorts, with pink princess sneakers? Please she’s only five,” Dean pleaded with the woman.

“Sorry, sweetie I haven’t seen her but I’ll keep an eye out. I hope you find her,” the woman said.

“Thank you,” Dean said with a shaky voice. He was in full panic mode, putting both hands to his head and looking around. He knew he had to call his father.  He also knew his father was going to blame him, which he already blamed himself so that didn’t matter, but his father would hate him for this. He pulled his phone out and dialed the number with shaky hands still looking around the park.

“Dean, I can’t talk right now. I’m busy,” John said as he answered the phone.

“I know that Dad, but this is an emergency,” Dean paused not sure how to tell his father. “It’s Y/N, she’s …she’s”

“What Dean? Is she hurt? Sick? What’s going on? Is my baby girl ok?”

“She’s missing,” Dean just blurted it out like ripping off a band aid.

“WHAT??!!!?! Son you better be lying. So, help me…”

“Dad, I’m sorry we were at the park and I looked away for a second and when I looked back she was gone. I looked everywhere. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. What can I do?”

“Stop saying sorry and you’ve done enough. I’m on my way back now. You need to go pick up Sam and we will meet back at the motel, go it?”

“Yes, Da- “

“It’s Sir,” John interrupted with fury in his voice. Fury for Dean and fury for whoever took his baby girl. John didn’t know that Dean had also felt like he lost a child and Johns dismissal of him only added to the guilt already building up as the minutes ticked by.

Meanwhile…….

You were playing on the jungle gym when a lady called your name. You cautiously walked towards her but not to close.

“Sweetie, your father has been hurt and told me to come get you?” the lady said.

You were skeptical of her so you said, “Okay, but first I need to get De. He’ll want to see Daddy too.” When you went to turn around the lady grabbed your arm and injected you in the neck with a needle filled with a clear liquid. You were confused when all the sudden your eyes starting closing and you fell unconscious in her arms hearing Dean scream your name calling for his ‘sweetheart’. All you wanted to do was call out to him but with the drugs now in your system all you could do was let the darkness take over.

When you woke up you were in a strange bed room. You didn’t recognize anything and you were scared. Usually when you woke up in a strange place you had De with you or sometimes Sam or on very rare occasions you had Daddy. But right now, you were alone so you started crying like any scared five-year-old would do.

That’s when a strange man came into the room.

“Hey kid stop whining,” he said.

“No, I want De. Where’s De?” you sobbed as the tears cascaded down your little pale cheeks.

The stranger raised his right hand and struck you against your left cheek. You stopped crying, raising your tiny hand to your cheek, feeling the sting from the stranger’s hand. You were shocked. You had never been hit before. Daddy, De, or Sam never hit you, especially when you were crying. They would comfort you, hug you, and tell you everything was going to be okay. This man didn’t care. Since he scared you he complied.

You made sure you only cried when you were alone and they were quiet cries. Every night you would cry yourself to sleep and you would cry for the same thing or rather person, De.

There were nights you would get caught and those nights were always filled with nightmares. When they would catch you, the woman would inject you with something that made you instantly sleepy. She would always whisper that this was better than the man hitting you as you blacked out.

As time went on you got older and stopped crying at night. The memories of your family faded with every injection. You no longer remembered why or who you were crying for so you just stopped. The man and woman who took you became all you knew. They became ‘mom’ and ‘dad’. They became everything you feared.

10 years after abduction

Dean’s Age: 31

Sam’s Age: 27

Reader’s Age: 15

Today was your 15th birthday and you made the decision that today was the day. Today was the day you were going to finally escape the hell you had been living in your whole life. You had had your bag packed with your essentials for the last week and you worked out an entire plan of your escape. You didn’t sleep at all the night before because of the nervousness but you knew this was what you had to do.

You made the decision 2 weeks ago, when your Dad came home drunk and angry, you knew it was going to be a bad night, you just didn’t realize how bad. He screamed at you to do the dishes so you complied, learning earlier on never to argue with him. As you did them a plate slipped out of your hand and broke. He was pissed and took that out on you. He grabbed you by your hair and dragged you to the living room and threw you to the floor. He slapped your face and kicked you in the stomach. When you were balled up on the floor he kicked you in the back and spit at you. You hobbled to your room that night and made the decision. This wasn’t the first time this happened and you knew it wouldn’t be the last.

Once you heard your parents leave and made sure they pulled out of the drive way and was off your street. You grabbed your bag and crawled out your window, knowing if you went out the door the neighbors would tell your parents. You walked to the abandoned car lot knowing a couple of them still ran and hotwired one and drove off. You kept driving until you needed to stop for gas the next. Once you were filled up you were back on the road.

It was the middle of the night and you were on day three with no sleep. You weren’t exactly sure where you were going, but you didn’t want to stop. However, your body was running on fumes and was physically exhausted so your eye lids started to droop. You keep them open as long as you could but finally they drooped far enough to close completely and cause you to swerve off the empty highway into a tree. You lost consciousness due to the lack of an airbag and the force of the crush.

You begin to slowly regain consciousness hearing the roaring engine of an old muscle car and what sounds like a man shouting at you trying to get your attention. For some reason the engine sounds familiar to you, you don’t know why.

Dean was driving down the highway to meet up with Sam at some sleazy motel for a case when all the sudden he heard a crash. A half a mile in front of him he saw a car slammed into a tree. He sped up a bit and through the Impala into park. He pulled out his phone to call 911 what happened, but he knew that where they were it would be a bit before anyone would show up.

So, once he hung up jumped out of the Impala and ran over to driver’s window of your car. He saw you were barely conscious, your head was bleeding, and you were just a kid. He reached his hand into your window to turn your head to face him. You could barely register what was going on. Dean grabbed the handle of your door and yanked it open and realized that your leg was stuck under the dash and that he was going to have to pry it out.

“Hey sweetheart,” he said causing a spark in your head. Why did that sound so familiar? “I’m here to help you get out of this car, but your leg is stuck. So, I need to go grab some tools from my car to get you out, okay?”

You just nodded your head not really being able to do anything else.

Dean ran back to the Impala and went into the trunk. He grabbed a crowbar and a hammer, hoping this would work. He slammed the trunk closed and ran back to you.

“Hey Sweetheart, I’m back,” Dean said. There was that nickname again. Why is it so familiar? Neither of your parents ever called you that. “Okay, this is probably going to hurt a lot and I’m sorry about that. There’s nothing I can do about the pain, but I just need you to brace yourself.” You nodded. “Ok, sweetie here I go,” Dean said as he stuck the crowbar under the dash and used the hammer to shove it in further. When he began to pry it up you let out a blood curdling scream that made Dean wince. He hated that in order to help you, he had to cause you pain. At this point your car started smoking and Dean knew what that meant but he didn’t want to frighten you so he kept it to himself.

“Ok, sweetheart your leg is free. I’m going to lift you out of the car now okay?” You answered with a nod. With that Dean slid one arm under your legs, causing you to moan in pain, and one arm around your back. You put one of your arms around his neck as he carried you bridal style from your car to his and laid you down on the seat. As he carried you, you looked into his eyes. The green orbs seemed so familiar to you. They looked just like yours. Now your front hood was slightly on fire signaling it was closer to blowing but you still hadn’t noticed.  

“My bag. I need my bag. It has everything I own in it. It’s in the back seat,” you said slightly panicked.

Dean looked back at the car nervous but knew by the look on your face you needed that bag. “Ok sweetheart, you stay here. I’ll get it.” You nodded your head and Dean ran to your car and quickly grabbed the bag and what looked like your sweatshirt and ran back to the Impala.

Once he got back to the Impala your car exploded frightening you enough to grab onto him and squeeze. He squeezed you back and looked down at your face now that he had some light to actually see your features. What he saw he couldn’t believe. It was you. His baby sister that he could never forgive himself for losing. Just as he was about to say something you feel unconscious in his arms again.

A second later the first responders showed up. The firefighters went straight to work killing the flames from the car and the paramedics came running over to you and Dean. Dean explained the accident and having to pry you out because you were stuck and that you just passed out a minute ago, to the paramedics. They nodded and went to reach for you but Dean grabbed you to place you on the stretcher. They began working on you and pushing you towards the ambulance.

Dean jumped into the driver’s seat of the impala and followed the ambulance to the hospital.

Once at the hospital the doctors took you back to get a CT scan of your head and an x-ray of your leg to check for further damage than what they were seeing. The police stopped Dean to ask him some questions about the accident. He told them everything he knew and everything he told the paramedics.

Finally, when the police were done questioning Dean, you were done with all your tests and he could go sit with you.

“Hey doc, I was the one that found her. Is she going to be ok?” Dean asked.

“Well, she has a concussion and a broken leg, but other than that there are no other fresh injuries,” the doctor said.

“What do you mean by ‘fresh injuries’.”

“Do you know her family or anything about her home life?”

“No.”

“Well, I’m not permitted to release any other information, but I have some concerns.”

Dean nodded his head at the doctor and went to sit next to your side. He couldn’t believe it was you. He thought that he would never see you again. He thought he lost you forever. But here you were in the flesh and despite the injuries you were beautiful. However, he couldn’t help but wonder back to the doctor’s words. What were his concerns? Why did he want to know about her home life? Deep down he knew why, but he didn’t want to believe it.

Dean pulled out his phone, he knew he had to call Sammy and let him know. The conversation was weird, but Sam said he was on his way and told Dean to watch you like a hawk, which Dean had already planned on doing.

The police approached the room and said they were going to contact her parents. Dean stood up to object, but before he could the doctor spoke up. He was concerned about possible abuse and didn’t want the parents in the room just yet. He wanted to evaluate all her previous injuries first. The police nodded and started to walk off, but Dean saw this as his chance to get Y/N back so he stopped them.

“Excuse me sir, can I talk to you for a second?” Dean asked.

“Sure, you have information?” the officer asked.

“Sort of. Her parents … aren’t really her parents.”

“Come again?”

“That girl in there … she’s my little sister. When she was five years old she was kidnapped from the park we were at and hasn’t been seen since.”

“Sir, that was ten years ago, how can you be sure that this is your sister?”

Dean’s anger started to spike a bit, but he kept it in check for the time being. “Because I practically raised her. Our dad wasn’t around much and her mom just dropped her off in our laps and left. I was with that little girl every day for five years. I would know those green eyes anywhere. They are the same eyes as mine. She was practically my daughter. So, when I say that is my little sister, that is my little sister. Go check, my father filed a police report ten years ago, when it happened. Try the last name Winchester.”

“Okay, we will look into it,” and with that the officer walked off.

About a half hour later you began to stir awake. Dean hastily sat up and squeezed your hand. You opened your eyes and were met with your green-eyed savior.

“Y/N, hey it’s okay. You’re in the hospital. You are safe now. Do you remember what happened?” Dean said softly.

“I remember you carrying me to your car and that’s it,” you said trying to remember if you told him your name or not.

“Well, I laid you down in my car and then you started to freak out about your bag. I ran to get it and once I got back your car blew up. I guess the blast scared you because you blacked out in my arms. Then the paramedics came and brought you here.”

“Wow, ok. Wait, how do you know my name? I didn’t tell you it.”

“Really?”

You nodded your head.

“You have no idea who I am, do you?”

You shook your head no and said, “Should I?”

Dean sighed and said, “I guess you wouldn’t remember. I’m Dean Winchester.”

That name sounds just as familiar as his eyes look. “This introduction is useless now, but I’m Y/N Smith.”

He chuckles a bit but it doesn’t seem to reach his eyes. His green orbs seem to show sadness and guilt, but you couldn’t understand why. He saved you. You were alive.

“Well, the police are going to call your parents soon imagine, now that you are awake,” he said.

The minute those words hit you your eyes widened in panic and fear and you began to shake your head. “No no no no no. You can’t. Please don’t call them. I just got away from them. I can’t go back. I can’t handle it anymore,” you said as you gripped on to Dean’s shirt and the tears plummeting down your cheeks.

“Okay, Okay. Shhhh…. It’s okay. I won’t let them call. I’ve got you. It’s all gonna be okay. Hey,” he said as he craned your neck to look in his eyes. “Do you trust me?”

For some reason you did, so you nodded your head and squeezed him harder, which he reciprocated. “They…. They aren’t nice people. They never have been. They hit me. Hard. They have been beating me for as long as I can remember. Two weeks ago, after a particularly bad night, I made the decision to run away on my fifteenth birthday which was three days ago. If they find me, I’m scared to think of what they would do,” you said as you wiped the tears and looked at Dean. He looked angry. Why would he be angry? But then he looked sad and guilty again as he looked into your eyes. What was this man blaming himself for that he looked so …... broken all the time?

His phone rang and he picked it up and said the name ‘Sam’ which again sounded familiar to you. “I need to run out for a bit,” he said. He noticed the panicked look in your eyes as he spoke. He assumed you didn’t want to be alone. “I’ll be right back. I promise. I just have to go talk to someone real quick, okay?” he said and you nodded.

Dean ran down to the lobby of the hospital to meet up with Sam.

“Hey man can I go see her?” Sam asked.

“That’s what I came down to tell you. She doesn’t remember us. She doesn’t remember the life she had before she was taken. I don’t know if it was because she was so young or if it was something those people did, but for right now I’m just playing the stranger who saved her from a car wreck,” Dean said.

“Okay. Is she at least ok?”

“Physically, she has a concussion and a broken leg. Psychologically, she’s a freaking mine field waiting to blow. The people who took her abused her. They beat her. That’s why she was on the rode that late. She was running away.”

Sam’s jaw tightened and his fists clenched, having almost the same reaction Dean did at the news. He let out a breath and said, “Okay, I’ll just sit out here then. Just keep me updated and if she does remember give her my love.”

“Okay man I will. But I have to get back. I promised her I’d be quick. She’s scared shitless that her parents are going to show up.”

The brothers hugged and Dean ran back to your room.

The minute you saw Dean re-enter your room, you let out a breath of relief. You didn’t know why, but you felt incredibly safe with this man. The minute he sat back down you wrapped your arms around him again and squeezed him tight.

“Thank you, De, you muttered into his chest.

Dean’s eyes got wide in disbelief. Did you just call him by the nickname you did when you were 5?

“What…. Why did you call me De?” he asked.

“I don’t know. It just came out that way,” you replied.

Before Dean could question you further, the officer from earlier stepped into the room.

“Mr. Winchester, can I speak to you outside.”

Part 2: A Memory 

Tag List: Let me know if you want to be added 

@jensen-jarpad @sisterwinchesterwriter @27bmm @deanjensengirlmaggie @lenaabs @a-fan-fighting-for-equality @winchesters-favorite-girl

[agilenano]

Agilenano - News: Workshop Organization Ideas

We are finally making some progress in our garage and Im here today to show you our new dust collection system and a peek at one side of our (semi) organized garage workshop!

Would you believe it if I told you that Corey and I have been homeowners for 9 years now and we have never had an organized workshop?

Never, ever.

Weve tried. Ohhhhh have we ever tried. Once we even got far enough to organize our garage and make some progress on the workshop space that we hadbut if were being honest it was really never all that functional.

Nine years, yall. Its a little pathetic.

But. But! We are finally making some progress in this house with the garage and I think that by the time we hit 10 years of owning a home (in August!), well be there.

Fingers crossed.

Were taking a one wall at a time approach to organizing our garage here, and Im feeling really good about how far things have come.

I think that one thing that has always held us back from really getting our workspace organized is that I havent ever felt like I truly have the expertise to do it myself, so Ive waited for a time when Corey and I can work together. The problem is, Corey works full time out of the house and doesnt handle chaos well so on the rare times that we have had the ability to work on it together, he immediately gets overwhelmed and doesnt know what to do!

So basically what Im telling you is that for the last 9 years every time we try to organize our workshop it ends with us both standing in the middle of the garage staring at each other and shrugging our shoulders before giving up and heading back inside to watch television.

Were a good team.

But I finally decided theres absolutely no reason I cant tackle this on my own. I know enough about these tools to know how they should be stored, and honestly Im the one who uses the workshop the most so why shouldnt I decide where it all goes?!

Ive put hours and hours into working out there over the last few weeks and things are finally starting to look so, so good.

I mean I cant complain about this before and after.

Today I wanted to share a few of the tips, tricks, and tools that were using in our garage to keep things organized. Our biggest problem in the past has been that we never really found a space for every single thing out there, so any progress we made was immediately undone as soon as we did a project.

This time around, Im determined that eeeeeeeeverything will have a home, and so far its working!

Againkeep your fingers crossed for me. Toes too, maybe .

So, lets dive into the tricks Im using in this garage that gives me hope Ill keep it more organized than ever before.

Garage Organization ideas, tips, & tricks

This post is sponsored by Rockler, but all opinions and enthusiasm are all me. Thanks for supporting the brands that support Love & Renovations!

1. A dust collection system

This is the one that always makes everyones ears perk up when I mention it on Instagram. A dust collection system will CHANGE YOUR LIFE, I promise. Its definitely more expensive than just using a plain ol shop vac, but its approximately 7 million times more efficient and there are tons of options to customize it!

How does a dust collection system work? Its basically a ginormous shop vac that can attach to the walls in your workshop, and you run a hose off of it that can be attached to the various tools in your shop.

For example, we have one hose running right off of the dust collector that we use to clean the floors, and for quick vacuuming of work surfaces. Then a little further down theres a port we can attach to for the miter saw or other mobile tools in the shop. Further down is another port that is at the perfect spot for use with our lathe, and at the end of the wall is one last port thats meant to be attached to the table saw.

So, every time we use pretty much any tool in our shop, we can quickly hook it up to the vacuum, turn it on, and not have any dust flying around as we work.

I probably dont need to spell this out for you but less sawdust flying around means less sawdust all over my garage floorwhich means less sawdust that gets tracked inside my house.

And that means less cleaning for me!

You see why Im so excited about this situation?

A large dust collection system like this isnt necessarily going to be the most logical investment for the casual woodworker or DIYer, but if youre doing regular projects in your workshop and struggle to keep up with the mess, its really truly worth it. I dont have an exact pricing of what our system looks like, but you should easily be able to set up a similar setup with the tools linked below for less than $1,000.

You can also read more about our dust collection system here from when we first got it!

Heres a rundown of the tools and accessories we have with our dust collector:

Dust Collection Tools + Accessories

This is the newer version of the wall-mounted dust collector we have (ours is several years old and isnt available anymore)

Heres a multi-port tool set that allows you to switch between several different tools.

Heres what the extender hose looks like they have various sizes so you can get exactly what works for your space.

This is the remote switch we have its a little luxury but makes it so nice to be able to turn it on from anywhere in the shop without walking back to the dust collector!

This is the quick change shop and tool set it has the main vacuum connector we use (for cleaning off worktops, etc.) and the floor vacuum, which is probably my most used connector!

And finally, these are the hooks we used to attach the hose to the wall!

If you want to learn more about all of the dust collection system tools and accessories that Rockler offers, just click here to go to the main page. The customization options are essentially endless, so you can mix and match to get exactly what you need!

2. Drawer Organizers

This was a bit of an unexpected hit for me we recently got a new fancy workbench for the garage that has drawer liners in it already (so things dont slide around) and I honestly figured we wouldnt need any additional organization beyond that.

Oh, how naive and foolish I was.

We got to try Rocklers Lock-Align drawer organizer system and hooooooly cow its a game changer. I can find exactly what I need in the drawers within seconds, and since things have a very specific place within the drawer (remember the goal, here?!), its a breeze to clean up when were done.

Also, theres something oh-so-satisfying about opening up a drawer to get a tool and having everything hyper-organized and looking all pretty.

Its the little things, you know?

Drawer Organization Accessories

We grabbed this Lock-Align master kit and its a great way to get started with getting your drawers organized.

This bit organizer is hands down my favorite thing we added for those pesky loose bits that always seem to get lost. Its magnetic, too, so they stay put!

A few of these larger bins and these small ones are great for all the loose things that get lost in your drawers. I use them for pencils, long drill bits, keys, and more.

I also love, love, love this screwdriver rack and this pliers rack for not only screwdrivers and pliers but also scissors and other long skinny things that take up space in the drawers!

There are tons more drawer organizer options just click here to see everything Rockler has in their Lock-Align system. I honestly want to use it for my kitchen too, now! Is that weird?

3. storage for very specific purposes.

Heres where we really dive into the have a place for everything mentality. Over the years Ive learned that a few things that aaaaaalways tend to float around our workshop with no home are the following three things:

Shop towels

Hand sanitizer

Cleaning wipes

Were constantly using them, and so weve always just kind of left them all out on the workbenchbut then they get used and dont make it back to the workbench (since thats not really an official home), and basically I spend half my time in the workshop looking for those three dang things.

In addition to that, we always are in need of a small dumping ground. When Im doing projects its often while Grant naps, and when he wakes up I need to quickly clean up my mess before he starts getting into things I dont always have time to actually put everything away. So, I tend to just dump stuff on the workbench.which means its constantly messy and we have to spend 20 minutes cleaning it up before we can work on it.

So, I needed to solve both of these problems and I found a way to do it with just some simple metal shelves!

I added on shelf above the small workbench that holds our hand sanitizer, cleaning wipes, and a spare roll of shop towels. The other shelf hangs on the side of the small workbench and it holds a roll of shop towels as well, and has a little ledge that has become our dumping ground. Its perfect because its small (which means Im forced to deal with it regularly), it has a ledge all around so small things dont fall off, and its right next to the door so I can toss things in it without even stepping foot in the garage.

So far these two little shelves alone have made a world of difference in things feeling more organized in here. Dont you love it when a big problem is solved by something so tiny and easy?!

I also got our wood glue organized with a wood glue caddy (linked below) and it genuinely makes a world of difference. Wood glue is another thing that is always getting moved around and lost, and I love that we have this little storage system for all of our glue, our brushes, and everything else so that we can move it around as we need to without losing anything.

The lesson here? Get specific! If you have a problem with something always getting moved around or lost, look for solutions for that specific thing and make a new home for it.

Shelving Options

Heres the shelf I have above the workbench.

Heres the shelf I have hanging on the side that also holds shop towels.

This is the wood glue caddy that Im obsessed with and as a bonus, heres the silicone glue holder Im really loving right now too.

This utility caddy is a great option for things like your tape measure, scissors, and pencils.

And this magnetic parts tray is a life-saver when youre working on a project with a lot of screws or switching bits a lot. I keep it on the big workbench and we use it all the time!

See more specific organization trays and caddies here!

4. Plugs and chargers. EVERYWHERE.

Allow me to let you in on a little secret. It is impossible (I mean IMPOSSIBLE) to have too many plugs or chargers in your workshop.

It cant be done.

If you have corded tools, youll want plenty of room to plug them in. If you have battery-powered tools like we do, youll want aaaaaall of the battery charging stations. Which means outlets, outlets, and more outlets!

In our last house we only had two (TWO!) pairs of outlets in our garage and it was just a giant pain all the time. This garage is starting off with notably more than that I havent counted but I know its more than two and were also adding more via some really awesome power strips to make things as functional as possible.

This small workbench near the door is a great landing area for assembly, staining things, or just about anything else (I havent had a chance to use it yet so I dont know what Ill do for sure yet!) and we added this really fancy power strip above it to make it even better. In addition to adding some extra space to plug things in, it has a few USB ports so I can charge my phone (and even rest it on the little built-in phone ledge) so it doesnt die while I listen to my 12th consecutive crime-related podcast. Its also got two powerful lights that will be so helpful on the (near constant) occasion that were working out here long past the sun has gone down.

Long story short? You need extra outlets may as well also get a phone stand and some lights while youre at it, no?

Power strips

Heres the awesome power station we have we are loving it so far and cant recommend it enough!

Weve also used these shop lights in the past to add some extra light to dark corners they make a world of difference.

This cord reel is such a nice way to have a built-in extension cord that stays out of the way.

5. Make it cute.

And finally, perhaps the most important tip of all.

You think Im kidding, but Im so, so serious.

Im not sure if this is true for you, but I find Im about 95% more likely to keep a space looking organized and clean if I love how it looks. A junky garage will always be a junky garage and theres no point in really keeping it organized because its ugly already you cant make it worse!

Theres something magical that happens when I make a space look great that makes me so motivated to keep it looking great.

I have every intention of doing more projects like this on the other walls of my garage, but I kicked things off by adding this simple board and batten treatment to this back wall and painting it a color that makes me smile. It just took me a few hours over two days to install it and paint the whole thing, and now this entire space feels so much better. In fact, the whole garage feels better because of just this one side!

I also took the time to re-paint the metal cabinets we use under the smaller workbench, and I stained the workbench top and cut it down to fit better. Little touches like this look so great and make me feel so much better when Im in the space.

It sounds silly, but give it a shot I promise youll be surprised at how effective it is at motivating you to keep it clean!

If you want to see how this project unfolded, click here to watch my Instagram story highlights for the project!

I hope this post was helpful for you and Im so grateful for all of your excitement about this space. Your enthusiasm and encouragement made it way more tolerable to knock it out, and gets me pumped to get started on the next section!

Id love to hear your tips for organizing your workspace too anything amazing that I missed?!

The post Workshop Organization Ideas appeared first on Love & Renovations.

Agilenano - News from Agilenano from shopsnetwork (4 sites) https://agilenano.com/blogs/news/workshop-organization-ideas

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU

Nani the heck is this? Read here!

Chapter 22: Back to School Boogaloo 

School starts in 4 days and the agent dorms are near completion with the promised upgrades. At this point, my birthday is 2 weeks away! I saw my schedule for the 1st term and it’s just like how I wanted it.

“Palma-san! Are we going to be desk neighbors again?” asked Kirishima as I was braiding Asui’s hair in the commons room.

“Not sure, with the addition of Shinso, I might get moved somewhere else” I finish the braid and grabbed a hair tie “besides, I won’t be in the class all of term one.”

“Why Palma-san?” Asui turned her head to see my face “and which class, kero”

“I’m going to be in your Strategy and Communications class” I fluffed out her braid “since I passed a third year level Statistics and Strategy class, I get to skip the strategy half of that class and go straight in communications in 2nd term.”

“You have to tutor me!” Kirishima begged “I’m going to suffer big time if I don’t get all the help I can get.”

“It’s not a problem, I can tutor and clarify anything in that subject” I hand Asui her brush and mirror “it does get tricky and meticulous.”

“I can’t wait to see where you’ll be sitting!” exclaimed Asui “it’s always fun when you’re in the class kero.”

I head to my room and pack some of my equipment that I won’t be using anytime before my move in. Most of my packing is done in secret so I don’t raise suspicions. I get my shoebox of letters that I’ve kept and I look at my birthday ones for the nostalgia. Looking at the heart shaped ones reminded me that Valentines day is the week after my birthday. I think about what I’m going to do for Valentines day now that I’m in this weird spot of I think I have feelings for Iida and Shinso is being very forward with his advances and I’m not pushing them away. I make a plan, since I am already going to be in the other dorm, I’ll make Iida a small berry tart and see how he responds to the special gift. If he gets the hint and confesses, great! If he tells me he’s gay, also great! If he outwardly rejects me, thats ok! “Well thats all the situations I can think of” I say to myself “I guess I should look up a tart recipe.” 

-Night Before the 1st day back-

“Hey Palma-san” slid Midoriya in my open door shyly “not to add more stress but can you sew the buttons on my blazer and blouse?”

“You too?! What do you boys do to your uniforms that make the buttons pop off or loosen?” I groaned as I finish sewing the buttons back on Shoji’s shirt “I can but it’s 50 yen per button.”

“Here’s 500 yen exactly” he took his money out of the breast pocket of the blazer.

“THATS ALL THE BUTTONS ON THE SHIRT AND BLAZER!” I yelled as I did the backwards math on that total “next time, either don’t burst out of your uniforms or sew the buttons on yourselves.” I got to work on his buttons along with 3 other’s uniforms. I made 1,500 yen that night and think to myself yo, this might be the start of selling my services and baking for Valentines day will be my big cash grab.

-1st day of 2nd year-

Homeroom: Announcements and overview on the curriculum for the year. Got to see all of our new things in the workshops and our dedicated gym. 

Understudy credit with Mic: I got to help him in 2nd year english for the B-class hero course. Everyone was struck in fear when they saw that I was the assistant because they know how through I am to do things and that I issue punishments. Monoma doesn’t come up to talk to me like everyone else did but he was glancing at me from his desk. 

Math 2: Number hell, thats it. At least Mimi is in my class and it’s with other intel students. 

Vehicles and Mechanics: A new course where we train with different vehicles and gear we might use in the field. Part of the course is to tinker and fix some of the gear in certain situations. I’ve never seen Jin so in his element.

Strats and Comm: Last class of the day but since I come in next term, I just take the time to go around campus to see what I can occupy my time with. I still have yet to figure it out.

I slowly walk down the hall on the way back to the intel wing to walk to the dorms with Mimi and Jin. Every time I heard somebody walking in the same hall as me, I noticed that I reflexively get on guard. Stupid Mirio and his friends making me into a paranoid mess! I get to the intel wing with 10 minutes left until dismissal, not enough time to do anything but just sit and wait in the hall. When class let out, Jin had some questions to ask the teacher and it took up another 20 minutes.

“About time baby boi” Mimi teased “trying to avoid your duties back at the dorms eh?”

“What’s going on at the dorms?” I asked, feeling a little excluded from all the activities.

“I’m on dinner duties” groaned Jin “It sucks ass because there’s 2 more people to feed and cooking small scale isn’t cutting it out for me.”

“Oh frick that does kinda suck” I put my hand on his shoulder “no worries when I come around! I can cook for a small army of 20 with ease.”

“I’m literally counting down the days until you move in!” Mimi squealed “ALSO! What do you want to do on your birthday? It lands on a Saturday.”

“I want to do something chaotic! But I don’t know what” I responded with excitement “I just don’t want to stay in and have cake, I’ve been doing that for 16 years.”

“Wait, oh shit thats right! You turned 16 the day you attended that hero class” Jin remembered “you had the cookies and everything.”

“Funny thing, I wanted to say it when the teacher stepped out but the red-haired boy was staring me down hard” I flashed back to that day “I got scared and didn’t say it was my birthday but that I made them so I can share with my new ‘friends’. So everyone just thought I was just a very nice foreigner.”

“WAIT CHAOTIC IDEA!” Jin jumped as he yelled “what if on your birthday, we go in our drag personas and do some hood rat shit?”

“I’m game to bring back Takeshi.”

“Shid, Suka has been dying to make a come back.”

“Then it’s settled! Deez, Takeshi and Suka on some hood shit for Ita’s birthday!”

When I got to the dorms, I saw everyone and I realized I didn’t see them at all at school and it was a bit shocking.

“How was your day Palma-san?” asked Uraraka from the ceiling “we missed you in class!”

“My day went pretty standard” I took my shoes off “I don’t know what to do to occupy the time where I’m supposed to be in your class.”

“I heard from Kendo that you’re Mic-sensei’s understudy for their english class” Momo said as she walked in the room “How was the B class?”

“Oh they’re a bit scared that I’m in the class, they think I’m going to tell them to give me 20 push ups per mistake.” I take a look at the weekly duties and I see that I’m on dinner duties the day before my birthday “Oh that’s cool, I get to chef it up in the kitchen on that Friday.”

“What’s so special about the 6th of February?” asked Uraraka coming down from the ceiling.

“Oh, you’ll see” I winked “I have so many special things planned.”

I go about the rest of my day and pack a few more things. 

-Thursday, 2 more days until move out-

“Palma-san!” whined Kaminari and Kirishima “help us with our strategy homework, please!”

I was playing video games in the commons room in my fuzzy pants when they blocked the TV with their bullshit. “Depends, do you have something for me in return?” 

“I have 2,000 yen and a quad of dark chocolate truffles.” Kirishima presents the items and elbows Kaminari.

“Uhh I have 1,000 yen and this unused gift card for the arcade.” Kaminari dug through his pockets.

“Deal, what can I help you with?” I took the payment and helped them with their homework. I later promoted my baking services to everyone else and got pre-order almost immediately. I finish packing my things for Saturday and it felt so good that I was going where I belong.

-Friday, In English 2-

“...pass up your quiz and Miss Palma will pass back your graded assignments from last week.” Mic said as I zipped around to pass back a stack of work.

“Oof I didn’t do as well as I thought I did on that assignment” cringed Tetsutetsu as their own grade “oi Monoma, how did you do on your paper?”

“None of your business you oaf” Monoma scoffed.

“That’s code for he didn’t do well either” I said as I gave Kendo their work back.

“Oh Palma-san! Mind if I talk to you real quick in the hall about something?” Tetsutetsu blurted out before I turned my attention to something else.

“Um sure” we waited until class ended to head to the hall “what’s up?”

“I have 2 things to ask of you” he took a deep breath “one, what is the name of your brown haired classmate? the one in the intelligence program.”

“Brown hair?- OH you mean Yuka!” I get suspicious that he asks for her name.

“Cool, ok the second thing, can you maybe” he gets embarrassed “can you, like, introduce me to them? I’ve had a crush on her since the sports festival but I want to get to know her better and maybe go out with her.”

“Oh thats so sweet Tetsu!” I get a little teary eyed “hmm, I mean if you want to talk to her in a non-school environment, on the 13th my class is hosting a party at our dorms. I can get you in BUT you have to abide our rules to avoid getting kicked out.”

“I’ve never been to a dorm party” he thought about it for a bit “ok, I’m in!”

“Cool, remember, 13th at 7pm. Come alone to the 3rd floor of the intel dorms, just say your name and you’ll be let in.”

I teleport off to my next class but Monoma was spying on the entire thing “Humph, why do you get invited to the party and I don’t” Monoma was getting booty tickled “I am much cooler than you and should be invited to all the school parties!”

“Oh I didn’t see you there, I just want to get closer to her classmate” he puts up his guard “I didn’t even know they were having a party.”

I teleport to the store right after school to pick up a few things for dinner and get things started. I make Barbacoa with rice and beans and 2 types of salsa. I make do with the tortillas that I bought and served them warmed.

“Palma-san! This looks so authentic” screamed everyone when they saw me plate.

“Its almost like....I’m Hispanic” I sassed back “well dig in everyone, also the green salsa is the spiciest, fair warning.”

I saw everyone eating and talking while I cleaned up, it reminded me of my family during the holidays. I missed them so, not so much these crackheads when I move in the morning.

“What’s the special occasion Palma-san?” asked Sero, breaking me out of my thought “this is something you’d cook back home for the holidays right? So what are we celebrating?”

“Oh well, you caught me” I giggled as I took off my apron “Today is February 6th, and tomorrow is my birthday! But I never celebrate my birthday on the actual day.”

Everyone stopped eating, they could not believe what I just said. “Why? It’s a birthday! You should be partying up!” spoke up Kirishima.

“I know but every year, on my birthday, something bad or really weird happens” I start to recall the past “like on my 15th, somebody picked a fight with my best friend at school. Oh and my 16th, I felt unwelcomed in your class and Tenya made me cry during lunch.”

“WE MET YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY AND YOU DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING?!” squawked Tokoyami “were those cookies you gave us so we could celebrate your birthday?”

I nodded in embarrassment, Iida stood up and bowed profusely “I am extremely sorry I ruined your birthday it was all my fault!”

“Woah woah! Tenya it wasn’t all your fault” I waved my hands to make him stop “My coffee that day didn’t turn out good and I accidentally kicked Jin in the arm in weapons.”

“So you just celebrate the day before just so you have a good day before whatever happens tomorrow won’t really ruin what you already celebrated” Kaminari pieced it together “thats a genius move, but this there cake?”

“Oh god no! Cake on birthdays trigger me” I shudder “it’s tradition to get your face slammed in the cake in my culture and I don’t want to get frosting in my nose, so no cake, just a nice peaceful meal that will lead into a relaxing evening.”

We finished up dinner and I take a shower but it seems like everyone was in the bathroom too. At this point everyone was used to me being wrapped in my towels to hide my girl body so it was routine when I stepped out of the shower. But this time my towel caught on something and the towel that covered my body fell off in front of all the boys. I have never craved death in my entire life because I could feel everyone’s eyes on me.

“H-h-here Ita” Iida stuttered as he took off the towel off his head and looked away to give it to me “let me just-”

“Not a step closer” I put my hand out to stop him “y’all been waiting to see a body, here it is!” I said with violent energy “look at it! Look at all of my flab, body hair and shelf ass.” I made my way to the door “get outta my way, before I smack you with my saggy titties.”             

They all flinched when I slammed the door “I mean, they weren’t that saggy” spoke up Mineta.

“You’re disgusting Mineta, this is why she called you baby carrot dick” Shoji scolded.

I calmed down a bit when I remembered that I was moving in the morning. I get a knock at my door an hour later.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Tokoyami”

“Oh uhh is it cool if I just-” I teleported outside my door, just so he doesn’t see my boxes “hehe whats up?”

“Um I just wanted to make it up to you after all...that” he signaled to his room.

“Oh I see~” I look around to see if anybody was looking or passing the hallway “take me away Toko~”. We spend the night together like we usually do and it made me feel a whole lot better. In the morning, I had to teleport out to my room and get everything ready to yeet over via portal. The plan was to get Jin to portal everything over for a discreet and quick move from one dorm to the other. Once everything was portaled over, I took out my door plaque and did a quick sweep of the room for the next person. While I was putting things away in my new dorm, everyone in the other dorm was bustling about.

“Iida-kun! You made pancakes?” Mina exclaimed “are they for who I think it is?”

“It you were thinking of Palma-san, then yes, they are for her” he plated the pancakes “I also made coffee, all for her to enjoy on her very normal and pleasant, birthday.” He knocks on her door “Ita, come out, we have a something special for you.” No answer, Iida checks the time, it’s 9:50am “Ita? Are you ok in there? It’s a little late for you to stay in.”

“Maybe she’s still embarrassed about last night?” spoke up Koda.

“She seemed fine when we were having conversation last night” Tokoyami recalled “let me try-” he saw that my name plaque was gone “Wait, something’s off!” he opened the door and saw that the room was completely empty of anything remotely her.

“How? We just saw her last night!” Iida yelled trying to make sense of everything “there is no way she could’ve moved all her things out in one night! Even with her quirk!”

“Wow, February 7th is cursed” said Mineta peeking in “then where could’ve Palma-san gone with all her stuff?”

Meanwhile, I finish moving in and put my name plaque in it’s holder. “Ahh dorm sweet dorm!”

“Yo! I made waffles and bacon” yelled Yuka from the kitchen “coffee’s done brewing too! Come get yall’s food.”

We all gather around to eat and it felt nice that I can say all my dumb stuff and not get scolded or be taken too seriously.

“Palma-san, how did you manage with all that hero shit in the dorms?” asked Hansai “I mean, being the only agent there and everyone is thrown in for a loop anytime you want to do something, it had to be tiring.”

“Oof it was” I said stopping mid-sip of my coffee “our personalities clashed too and I just dealt with it one day at a time because they’re just a mess. I bet they’re looking for me right now because I didn’t bust out of my room for coffee at real coffee hour.”

“You didn’t tell them?” Yuka said shocked.

“I told a few of them I’m going to my proper dorms 2nd year but not the day” I calmly said “also, in case they bust in here, tell them I went a mini adventure.”

After, I did my routine things, did homework until lunch and transformed myself into Takeshi. I had to put on make up for Deez and Suka just sat there and watched. We looked like biological men and woman, ready for chaos. 

“Ok yall, voice changers on!” I said as I flipped mine to the proper setting.

“But first!” Mimi said running to the fridge and taking out some shot glasses full of something “jello shots! for babygirl’s 17th birthday!”

“Aww you guys! I’m getting soft!” I blushed as everyone sang happy birthday to me and we downed jello shots and made our way to downtown. “Yall wanna hit up the arcade? I got this gift card with 3,500 yen on it.”

“Bitch thats like 20 rounds on DDR!” Mimi exclaimed “I’m down but the arcade isn’t poppin yet, maybe in like another hour.”

“Oh! lets go to the candy store so I can act out and maybe pick a fight with some dude that touches my butt.” Jin said, really living his fantasy in his frilly dress and wig.

“I’m down to play punk boyfriend” I turn to Mimi “lets go tell them to respect women.” We go to the candy store and ,of course, some dude from school tries to get with Deez and I swoop in for the fight. “Oi! Is this boy bothering you babe~”

“Takeshi! that brute put his hands on me when all I want is the chocolate eggs” Jin does his dramatics.

Mimi and I take it outside as Jin gets and pays for our candy. “Respect women you scum!” Mimi said before tossing the guy in the trash.

“Heh good one Suka! Oh babe you ready to go?” I said to Jin skipping up to us.

“Yea! I got your favorite~ sour cherries and gummy worms. And for Suka, a surprise bag of candy.”

“Oh boy!” Mimi said getting their candy “fighting bitches makes me wanna eat something sweet!”

We walk around a bit then go to the arcade at it’s peak so we can pick more fights. We’re having a nice time, then Jin freezes in place “Okay, don’t look behind you Ita but it’s the red head and his boyf.”

Mimi looks “Confirmed, and they’re not alone. There’s one broccoli, thermostat, a robot, dumb pikachu and office depot.”

“Oh geez, but I kinda want to know what they’re doing here” I try not to look behind me.

“Chaotic and spicy, but what if we start shit with them?” Jin told us while hopping.

“Fuck it, lets start some shit.” I said as we walk near them, like we didn’t see them.

“Come on Iida-kun, cheer up” Midoriya said tugging at his arm “Palma-san always returns after a while, maybe she wanted to be away from us for the weekend?”

“I suppose, but I remember her telling me she likes coming here to play DDR and I wanted to take her here today” He sighed “I was going to give her one nice birthday for the one I ruined.” 

“What were you planning on doing with her?” asked Todoroki.

“Well, I planned to give her that pancake breakfast, then take her to a spa so she can get pampered, then shopping at the mall to buy her anything she wants, maybe eat somewhere she wanted, maybe a movie” he takes out a list from his pocket “basically spend the whole day together until nightfall, where I was going to take her to our secret spot and kiss her and just pour my heart out.”

“Sounds like you know how to treat a lady” said Jin before anyone else had a chance to say anything “sorry, couldn’t help but overhear.”

“Hey I remember you!” Kaminari perked up “you’re T’boone’s girlfriend, and I see you’re” he put his arm around Jin “all alone, but don’t worry! I’m here to treat you right.”

A hand stretches and backhands Kaminari “You can’t treat another man’s lady” Mimi and I walk closer “Now paws off or paws up!”

He takes his arm off Jin “Takeshi! Sorry I ran off like that” he jumps at the sight of me “they were talking about that one girl you were going to replace.”

“That curly haired, big assed girl?” Mimi said trying not to laugh “She’s such a babe! I wouldn’t mind letting her body slamming me in ring if you know what I mean hehe.”

I try to hold it together “Anyways, what about her?”

“She’s gone, dorm empty and everything” Kirishima elbowed Iida “and this guy isn’t talking it too well.”

“Was she your girlfriend or som?”

“No! But she’s a really good friend and it’s her birthday today” Iida looks at me, making me nervous “hm, why is it the last time she disappeared without a trace, you appear?”

“Just coincidence! But if you want to find her” I bring Jin forward “my girl here has the quirk soul search, she can find anybody by tapping in on a soul level.”

Jin played along “Yup! Now tell me, which one of yous is the closest to her?” they all point to Iida “okay, now I’m going to tap into your soul to find hers.” He puts his hands on Iida’s temples “Let’s see, curly hair, curly hai- OH I FOUND HER! And she’s alive and well with 2 other people, a thin boy and a tall muscular girl. They are in...downtown! And... uh Takeshi can you-” 

“I got you babe” I put my hand on his back “energy at your disposal.”

“Thanks babe, okay, so in downtown they just left the bubble tea shop and they’re going to the pizza place...oh I don’t know if this is an important clue but the curly haired girl said ‘after dinner, Im gonna space out at the tree.’ does that mean anything?”

“I know where that is! What a relief that she’s okay!” he breathed out “that pizza place is all the way across this block, I have to go find her!” He gets up and thanks Deez and runs off.

“Wow, does that girl know he’s into her?” asked Jin to the others, just to get a reaction.

“I don’t know anymore” Midoriya sighed “they spend time together, he’s overprotective of her and she shares her secrets with him. I feel like he’s scared that he’s going to ruin their friendship or thinks that he’s not her type.” 

“But we all feel like they belong together” Kirishima gets mushy “you can tell from the way they talk to each other and how they spend time alone together.”

There’s that talk again I thought but I still don’t believe them “Well, I hope today is the day then” I said to change the subject back to what we were going to do “anyways, my girl and homeboy here were gonna play 20 rounds of DDR, wanna join?”

“20 ROUNDS OF DDR?!” Kaminari spat out his drink “you gotta be the master of the light up tiles to have stamina like that!”

We did 15 rounds before we got hungry and headed to the dorms. Mimi, Jin and I pretended to head to the train station to get out of sight to portal to the dorms. I remembered that Iida was probably still looking for me and I quickly de-dragged back to myself and headed to the tree. Sure enough, he was there and still in his street clothes.

“Tenya?” I said like I was surprised he was there “what are you doing here, alone?”

“ITA?!” he jumped at the sound of my voice “I um, I thought maybe I’d run into you here.” I made my way up to where he was “I wanted to spend the day with you today.”

“Oh? why?” I asked even though I already know why.

“Because, I wanted to give you a good birthday” he pulled the list out of his pocket to show me “I had a whole day planned for us but then I came to your room this morning to it being empty like you were never there.” he looked at my face “where did you go?”

“I told you, I moved to the proper dorms” I said pointing to my new dorm window “I had a decent birthday, I moved very early in the morning with Jin’s portals and went out with my squad to downtown.”

“It must of slipped my mind” he scratched his head trying to remember “but I’m glad you’re safe, I thought we all finally pushed you over the edge with what happened the night before.”

“Ehh, I’m over all that, it was bound to happen” I shrugged “I don’t know how all this could’ve been prevented with a text.”

Iida’s eyes widened, then he covered his face “How could I forget that?! I went on a wild goose chase trying to find you!” he started laughing “I guess I really do think I’m fastest thing here, you should’ve seen me zip around downtown...”

He told me the events of the arcade and where he went to find me and how he figured I’d eventually come here. All the while, I felt the feelings come back and that I should express them. But not now, Valentines day will be the day I do my indisputable gesture of my feelings that’s culturally correct. But DAMN the urge to kiss him is strong right now.

“Wow thats crazy” I played along.

“Yeah....so why end your day here?”

“Well its a ritual of mine, or more like, my dad’s and mine” I say as I point up at the stars “every year on my birthday, as far as I can remember, my dad would try to comfort me from a long day of nothing going right. He’d put me on his lap and we’d look up at the stars, he’d tell me that when I was born, it was on a very clear and starry night. So when he held me on that first night as my mom slept, he sat with me at the window, stargazing and pouring all his hopes and dreams on how he hoped I’d grow up to be.” I sigh and leaned back “its one of the few things I looked forward to every year, but last year made me feel like I was missing a part of myself. It just didn’t feel the same without my dad, so I cried as I looked at the stars from my bedroom window. My wish was to have the next one a little more bearable and to feel less lonely.”

“Did it come true?” 

“Well considering I’m not crying, my day went well and you’re here” I turned my head to him “I’d say my wish was fulfilled.”

We sat there in silence as we stargazed. He caught a glance at me, I was smiling and my face read sincere and calm. She’s at ease he thought maybe this move was a good thing. We said our good nights and he went to bed thinking about how her life is going to improve now that she’s where she belongs.

“Iida-kun! Did you see her last night?” ask Todoroki at the table, it was 9am the next day.

“Yea, she was there” Iida said pouring himself juice “it totally slipped my mind, but she told me that she moved to her proper dorms early yesterday morning” he sat at the table with the others “so she’s our neighbor now.”

“How can something so important slip your mind?” Sero said, trying to make sense of it “I guess it doesn’t matter now, the mornings are going to be so quiet without her.”

Meanwhile in the intel dorms, all of us were singing to Wannabe by Spice Girls while waiting for breakfast. It was just the beginning of all the great things that was going to accompany me that year, and there was nothing that was going to stop....I kinda wish it would’ve tho.

-End Chapter 22-

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[cgpaints]

Monthly Review, June 2017

Hi everyone!

I have been (and still am) a little hesitant to post an monthly review thing this month because to be perfectly honest there just is not much to show as much as actual work is concerned. Most of my freelance work is under NDA and there was not too much time left for personal work and/or studies because as I mentioned last month me and my girlfriend finally moved into our new appartment and have been insanely busy setting everything up.

During the move something happend though, that I wanted to talk about. In a way my thoughts tend to spiral down quickly into the „aaah whats the point -realm“ when it comes to writing these long texts. I was debating myself if I should actually do this privately or if I should write it down and share it publicly but as the thought of sharing it has been spinning around in my head for three days now I figured that I might as well just write it down and try to get it out of my head that way. Maybe this resonates with someone, and maybe someone might even feel motivated to share his/her own views on and experience with this.

The thing I want to talk about is my experience of self worth and how it relates to my work, my attitude towards my work that is in turn resulting from that, maybe even my view on painting and drawing in the widest sense (as it relates to me personaly) and at last about how this might have started to change a little bit during the last few days in particular AND how aaaaaall that relates to the picture at the top of this post.

BUT first things first.

As I already mentioned we moved into a new appartment. It‘s large, it‘s cool, it‘s expensive and thus scary as fuck for a struggling freelancer like me, but that shall not really be the point here, maybe next month once the situation has settled in a little bit.

What‘s important here is that in this new appartment I do have an entire room just for myself, a REAL grown up person‘s office basically. Up until now all I had was a tiny tiny room that I could barely fit a desk in and for the past six months when my girlfriend and I moved around a little bit from Airbnb to Aribnb while she was tryting to get a fulltime office job I did not even have that. A simple desk had to to do during that time.

So now I have this biiig room with more than enough room to have all my drawing and painting supply out at the same time, ready to go whenever I want and it is great!

A few days ago after we got all our stuff into the new place I was sitting in my chair looking aorund the office trying to figure out what to hang on my walls, I just needed something up there, the room was too empty to feel comfortable.

I sat there thinking about all the awesome art from all the different artists I admire that I would like to decorate my walls with but the issue was that I don‘t own any prints not to mention originals here and just printing something out seemed kind of lame.

Being a little bummed out about that I proceeded to go through all my stuff when I found all my marker and watercolor drawings I did last year during „maysketchaday“. I looked through them and I noticed „ hey these are kind of fun!“. Moreover I noticed that they immediately sparked the desire to just grab my markers and get to painting again. I remembered the fun I had trying out a new medium last year and this just got me going. Weirdly enough I did not have this feeling for YEARS. Even during the time I painted these, sure it was kind of enjoyable but it all had this „o well, it‘s a drawing I guess“ feeling to it.

And then something hit me, and this is the thing I want to talk about here.

While feeling kind of excited about getting to drawing right away after rediscovering these tiny things actually feeling good about them I immediately remembered that I used to beat the SHIT out of me „emotionally“ after each one of these, sucking the joy out of the process I have just felt minutes before. I would be bummed out that the drawing did not come out the way I wanted, that I was not improving( which wasn‘t even true) and that I am not even close to anything „all the other artists“ are capable of. I took the drawings, put them in a drawer and would be happy to not have to look at them again.

Remembering all this I kept thinking about it and quickly noticed that I am doing this all the time, I beat myself down after each and every drawing and painting I do. I do this subconciously afer every single drawing I finish. I do this based on the work others do and even based on the response I get from it on social media, stupid shit like that. I am  not talking about a healthy mentality that made me realizy my shortcomings and motivated me to do better next time, I am talking about being resentful and downright hateful towards my own work and to be frank to myself as a person.

Thoughts like „ I‘ve been doing this for years now, I should be better“, „others have started drawing later than me and have surpassed me by miles, why am I still so bad at this?“ „is talent actually relevant afteral, or am I simply not intelligent enough to see the flaws and to be able to improve on them?“ were my daily routine. To a degree they still are, I just started conciously noticing this days ago.

I realized what I have been doing this for a period of years and it almost seems comical to me now that I was actually wondering why I was getting kind of depressive and resentful towards my work and myself even. All I do all day is trying to improve my skills with all that I have and after each time I decide to punish myself for that. What is supposed to happen if one keeps that up for years and even turns it into a subconcious routine?

Obviously you stop at least liking what you are doing, hell you might even get scared to do it, which is definitely what I experienced.

It feels a little weird to write this down in a rather short way (although for a simple blog entry this sure looks enormous) because this way of thinking has becomce such a huge part of me.

Measured on the time I spent doing if for the last 10 years I think it is obvious that drawing and painting has been the most important aspect of my life. During that time it has acutally become a part of me. I as a human am defined a lot through it. There just is not much left of me when one takes the drawing and painting aspect away from me, it is not just what I do for work. It‘s another topic to decide if this fact alone is actually good or bad, what I am trying to say is that this thing „painting“ has a lot of power over me. My personal well being as a human is highly dependant on the way I handle my relationship towards painting. If this relationship is compromised by constant self hate and punishment it‘s only obvious that all this bleeds into the rest of my personality. I feel like as a result of all this I have been kind of desolving into this unhealthy spiral of self doubt and resentment towards myself.

Its also another story to go into of when I think all of this has started, all I know for now is that this is something that HAPPENED, it has not been that way from the beginning. At some point something switched and drawing which was this huge and exciting unbeatable but beautiful and POSITIVE mountain of a thing became this dreadful chaotic monster that one can not get a handle on no matter what.

I can‘t really tell why all this dawned on me as soon as I held these drawings of dead people in my hands but it sure did. I also tend to be rather scepticals towards these moments of „revelation“ but I felt this so strongly and clearly at that moment and I still do that I decied to act on it and to ultimately write about it.

I decided to take all of them and hang them on my wall and to just have them there as a reminder that this is actually what I do and that no matter how these turned out these were the best things I could do at that time and that I don‘t have to be ashamed for or angry about them but that I am actually allowed to like them for what they are.

Now are they the best drawings ever? Hell no, they aren‘t even „professional quality“ (whatever that means) and I am not trying to trick myself into thinking that they are. But they are a part of me in some way, I painted them, I gave it my all when I painted them and this is a good thing. They have a right to be pinned on that wall. They remind me where I was a year ago, they show me where I should improve on, they motivate me to do better and they make me want to get to painting as soon as I enter the room. What‘s bad about that?

The impulse to just lock them up in a drawer and hating myself for having created it is so utterly destructive and stupid, sitting here right now writing this makes me realize that even more.

As a matter of fact I came up with a plan out of all of this.

There is still a ton of free space on my walls, I am going to use it. Whenever I paint or draw something that I think turned out okay, or god forbid even „good“ I will pin it on the wall. One day sooner or later the wall will be filled with no room left, that‘s when I will start swapping out drawings one at the time. The new „best“ drawing will replace the current „worst“ one on the wall. I think I will also divide the wall into sections I want to improve upon like „watercolors“ „oilpaintings“ „anatomy“ „design“ and so on. I want this to feel exciting again and I want to actually see my progress rather than just feeling like sinking into a swamp of „o well I hope I am going to end up somewhere sometime“

There it is, I think I poured my heart out, I don‘t really know what to say anymore.

So what‘s the point of this text in addition of just allowing me to sort out my thoughs on that topic?

I think that if you belong to the kind of artists (or people in general) who tend to go down the path of self loathing for trying to do something thats arguably hard to do, no matter if conciously or unconciously you might want to start looking at what you are doing selfhate wise and try to figure out a strategy for yourself to get out of that. As I already said I have been thinking about this for the past week or so so nothing I say is really worthy of being called „founded advice“ or anything like that but there are very personal lessons that I think I am learning right now which feel right and more importantly feel like a good means of proceeding into the future with a healthy mindset to improve and enjoy whatever this all is.

Don‘t be ashamed for what you are doing and incourage yourself like you would incourage a person you care about. Not being the best at something should feel interesting and exciting, it does not mean that you suck as a person. You are your own benchmark, do your best, try to improve on your weaknesses and be thankful for your wins and losses on that path.

Don‘t be an asshole towards yourself!

Talk to you next month!

Talk to you next month!

[uhhhhnoooo]

Today when I left for my run the ground was wet but it wasn’t raining... it wasn’t even too cold... so even though my dad was like “girl, it chilly” I was like NAH and just wore a sweater, my fave knee socks, and my running shorts/spandex. BUT THEN? then it started to sleet and my thighs turned into big tomatoes bc of how cold they were/lil ice shards were continuously hitting them.  I still finished my run though and even went a little longer bc i didn’t want to pass my neighbor who always yells something or another at me when i pass by, especially cause my thighs looked like they made out with the sun.  what up, Gaia? i see you. 

then, on the last mile, i got a nosebleed which was p cool because i haven’t gotten an actual nose bleed since i was a lil tot and i figured this was just my body telling me its time to take my true for as a strawberry or some other red entity (not the devil, tho).  so okay, thats cool.

then i got to my appointment and made some lovely orange spice tea for while i sat in the waiting room (because i thought that the orange would make up for the fact i ate crackers from the gas station without washing my hands first... i also had 2 vitamin C tablets this morning instead of 1 - logic.) I waited a bit and then my therapist came out all discombobulated and such and was like “yo, dude, I know ur p bonkers rn and need to see me as much as possible but we def don’t have an appointment today.” and i was like lmao gr8 cool.  i could have like done the dishes and had some oatmeal but its whatevs.  (but actuallyi didn’t wanna go anyway so it was kind of a blessing bc i wanted to cancel and she is so sweet and amazing and making me not crazy so we cool we cool).

then i went to return my parent’s cable box at time warner cable and it was such a fantastically weird people watching experience and v much solidified that humans don’t like to wait. not even a couple of minutes. (tangent - this was also validated when yesterday i went out of my way to check the back and down on the floor to find a missing disc for a woman because it was misfiled in our drawers and when we finally found it - like it couldn’t have been any more than a 5 min ordeal - she demanded a discount for having to wait and an additional discount because she was #hellaold (or a senior citizen as she put it) and it was v hard for me to be kind and empathetic and it made me get mad at myself but also she was not very nice!? i did my best!?) Sometimes other people don’t really care that ur doin all you can, but thats ok. 

none of this was bad.  more like, just some real human experiences i experienced and have been experiencing much more lately.  like... going out into the world and doing ~things~ before I’m ready or knowing exactly what is going to happen and actually living life for what genuinely feels like the first time. I’m trying to  embrace the fact that i don’t have control over anything and shitty things will most definitely happen but that is OK. Things aren’t black and white and i can take up as much space as i need and I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.  

SO LIKE, aside from the dumpster fire that is the political environment rn 2017 is aight so far.

thats all, bye. 

[cringeynews]

New Post has been published on

New Post has been published on http://cringeynews.com/uncategorized/21-men-and-women-who-killed-in-self-defense-share-exactly-what-life-is-like-knowing-they-killed-someone/

21 Men And Women Who Killed In Self Defense Share Exactly What Life Is Like Knowing They Killed Someone

Back in 2012 two men busted in my back door. It took them a few minutes as it was a metal door on a metal frame with sturdy hinges and a lock. One of the guys was probably 6′ 6″ and pretty large; he was finally able to break it off the hinge with a crowbar. When I heard them start hammering on the door I told my wife to call the police and lock herself and our baby behind two doors and I went out into the hallway with a shotgun. I kept yelling at them to leave and that the cops were coming and that I was armed – they kept coming. Eventually I heard a pop and the banging stopped and I knew they were through. I told them in no uncertain terms that if I saw them in my house, I was going to kill them.

A few seconds later they came around the corner both holding what appeared to be weapons and I shot the bigger one twice in the chest. The other one just stood there confused, probably trying process what in the hell had just happened. He took one step towards me and I shot him as well. Police showed up about two minutes later – both died at the scene. One had a knife and duct tape, the other had the crowbar. I later found out that the larger one was wanted for some sort of manslaughter charge because he killed his girlfriend a state over.

I have zero regrets about that night. They had multiple chances to leave and I have no doubt that they would have hurt my family if I had not stopped them.

—sd___throwaway

This was about 2004-2006. I don’t remember the exact year anymore.

I killed a guy that tried to break into my apartment because he was wanting his wife that he had just beat the shit out of.

2am. I hear them arguing. I could hear it through my bathroom wall. I shut my bathroom then bedroom to drown it out.

2:15am. She’s banging on my door, broken nose, left eye swollen, and limping from tripping and falling to get out of the apartment. Told her to go to the bathroom, clean herself up, then hide in my bedroom.

Husband comes out of the apartment, yelling her name, and he notices her blood trail to my apartment. Starts banging on my door, yelling to let him in. I warned him 3 times that he doesn’t stop, I will kill you. He kicks the lock on the door, door swings open, and I swing my baseball bat down onto his head.

He falls to the ground stunned. He lands stomach first and I see a handgun tucked into the back of his shirt. I grab it, throw it into my apartment, and warned him one more time.

He got up, came at me, I slam my bat into his stomach, then slam my bat over his head one last time which caved his skull in. I knew from the blood spatter from when I hit, he was dead. Thankfully, the neighbors had called the police when it started and the second he fell to the ground dead, police had made it to the top of the steps.

It never affected me as much as it should have. I reacted the best way I could for the situation I was in.

I don’t think about what I did anymore. I can’t fix the past.

—_hardliner_

I was jumped by 4 guys about 10 years ago. I was down on the ground and they were kicking and punching me. I grabbed my knife from my pocket, reached up and stabbed one of them in the stomach. Blood everywhere. some mine, mostly his. they all ran. One of them yelled back that he would find me later and kill me. He later died at a hospital because he took too long to get help.

Basically I never really felt bad about it and I don’t regret it. It has popped into my head randomly from time to time and it weirds me out that I took a persons life but thats about it.. doesn’t last long. My thoughts about it are that I was protecting myself and whether or not they would have killed me I feel it was not just justified but exactly what I should have done.

—OnwardtoGehenna

My senior year of college, I had an off campus apartment in a really shitty part of town. I often went to the batting cages with my roommates just for fun, so we each had our own baseball bat.

It was a Friday night and I heard a bang at the backdoor. I honestly thought it was just one of my roommates who had locked themselves out drunkenly. Well I get down there and there’s a guy in the kitchen wearing a ski mask. I just grabbed one of the baseball bats and swung at this guy as hard as humanly possible.

Well I hit the guy square in the head. He fell back, broke down the sliding closet door. Two of my roommates came running out, and I was just standing over this guy, who was profusely bleeding on our kitchen floor. One called 911 and the other one took off the guys ski mask and we tried to stop the bleeding with it. At this point the lights were still off and I didn’t actually realize how much blood was everywhere.

Two cops show up what felt like an eternity later, and then an ambulance wheeled him off. He died not too long after that. Our last roommate showed up while police were still taking statements. He just walks in and gives us this look like “what the hell happened?” And I just said “I broke your bat, I’m sorry”. He didn’t really give a shit about the baseball bat, I just didn’t know what else to say.

None of us slept that night. We just watched south park on Netflix and all called out of work the next day. I remember there was a lot of disbelief. I mean I couldn’t believe that had just happened. Never felt bad about it though. I did often wonder for awhile what led that guy to break into our place.

I do however own a .22 revolver now.

—DoesTheNameGoHere

Back in 1995 I lived in a quiet neighborhood in the SF East Bay with my wife of a few years and our 20 month old daughter. We had a small 3 bedroom two story house, and one of our second floor bedrooms doubled as my home office. One quiet Saturday morning I was in my office playing Command and Conquer on my computer with my headphones on, oblivious to the sounds of the outside world.

I’d probably been playing for an hour or so when, during one particularly quiet moment, I faintly heard my wife cry out downstairs. Knowing that she was down there with our daughter, I pulled my headphones off to see if she needed help with anything. Until the day I take my last breath, I’ll never forget what I heard when I pulled them off. I heard the voice of a man, with a thick Mexican accent, shout, “Quit yelling bitch, or I’ll fucking cut your head off and fuck your fucking daughter!” My daughter was crying hysterically.

After that, it was like some switch was thrown in me and my higher brain just shut off. I wasn’t making decisions. I just acted. I don’t even remember pulling the .45 from the lockbox in my desk, I just remember walking down the stairs slowly, scared as hell that I was going to see my wife dead when I reached the bottom. Instead, when I reached the bottom, I saw my wife half naked, bent over the couch, bleeding from somewhere in her upper body, while being raped from behind by some burly guy with a knife in his hand. He wasn’t TRYING to rape her, he was in the middle of the deed and was probably nearing climax.

I never said a word to the guy. Not while I was upstairs, not while I was coming down the stairs, and not when I walked into the room. His back was to me, so he had no idea I was even standing there.

He was holding his knife in his right hand, so that was the arm I grabbed with my left when I pulled him off. He spun away from her and me with a confused look on his face, and I shot him square in the chest at nearly point blank range before he had a chance to say a single word. His face went pale as he went onto one knee, and I fired twice more. One hit his neck, and the second missed entirely. I was told later that the first shot was the fatal one.

What happened next has always been a point of shame for me. The only thought going through my head at that point was that I couldn’t let my daughter watch this man die. Without even checking on my wife, I scooped my daughter up and walked out my front door. As I walked out to my driveway, I saw one of my neighbors standing there staring at my house (he’d heard the gunshots). The poor guy went pale when he saw me walk out, and I vaguely remember asking him to hold my daughter while I went and checked on my wife. The neighbor asked me if I’d shot her, and I told him, “No, I shot the man who was raping her.” I didn’t realize at the time that I had the guys blood spray covering half my body, and that I looked like something out of a horror movie. I then handed him my daughter and my gun (I also have no idea why I gave him my gun), and went back into my house to help my wife.

The police and DA gave me some flak about the exact circumstances of the shooting (one of the detectives told me that it was more of an “execution” than a “defense”), but in the end they declined to pursue any charges. The man who attacked her turned out to be a guy with serious mental issues who had been previously convicted of two violent rapes, one of which was against a 9 year old girl. Under California’s then-new 3 Strikes law, he’d have gone to prison for life if I hadn’t killed him.

As for recovery; I like to think that I’ve recovered from it, but it certainly induced a few behavioral changes. To this day, for example, I can’t wear headphones that block out background noise. Even after years of counseling, over-ear and noise cancelling headphones give me panic attacks because I can’t hear what’s happening around me. I found out later that he’d been raping my wife for nearly 10 minutes before I heard him, and that he’d actually told my wife THREE TIMES that he was going to rape my daughter when he was finished with her. I was sitting 30 feet away and had no idea it was going on, and that fact has fucked with me for years.

My wife had a much worse time of it though. In addition to two stab wounds to her shoulder and upper arm, and the bruising and injuries from the forceful rape, she ended up having a mental break and took years to really recover. For the first 6 months, she absolutely could not be in any room by herself. For more than a year, she couldn’t be in a house by herself (and she NEVER reentered the house where this happened). For several years, she’d break out in a sweat when she heard men with deep hispanic accents talking, because she’d hear his voice again. Even now, decades later, she starts shaking if you try to talk to her about it. She’s fine in every other sense, but even discussing it freaks her out.

—ta_aimtrue

I got assaulted in an alley in New Orleans 20 years ago. The guy hit me in the back of the head, cut me a few times with a knife, put the knife to my throat and told me that he was going to rape and kill me. I choked him to death. Felt his windpipe crumble in my hands. I’ve had PTSD ever since. Constant nightmares. I see his face turn red, blue, and purple. I hear the crunch of his windpipe. I feel him struggle against me. I have scars I see every time I get out of the shower. I did what I had to do and don’t regret it but killing a man with your bare hands is a lifelong struggle.

—Offtopic_bear

My house had been robbed twice while I was at work. One day I had to call out sick and while I was sleeping I heard someone downstairs. I called out “Who’s there?” When we’re sick, our supervisors come to see if we’re actually home, but I was worried because they always knock first, and I was sure I didn’t hear any knock or doorbell.

I heard footsteps running up the stairs and I called out that I was armed. My supervisor definitely would have stopped, but the footsteps got louder. I got behind the door and two men charged into my room with guns. I moved my arm and they turned around. I shot one of them in the neck while he shot the wall behind me, the other man ran downstairs.

It turns out I shot my coworker’s cousin, who knew my schedule of when I wasn’t going to be home. The coworker was not in on anything. The other man was the cousin’s friend.

I was not charged. I do not feel guilty because the last two months made me feel very violated. I changed jobs because I was uncomfortable working with people who knew about it.

—ThrowawayKillSD

Happened about a decade ago. I was walking back home and these 2 kids tried to rob me. I don’t necessarily know what age they were, but they were somewhat short (I live in a country in which the average person isn’t very tall) and pretty scrawny. I was pretty deep into depression that had me at a point in which I didn’t really care about much of anything.. and was contemplating suicide constantly, so as weird as it might be to say, I wasn’t particularly scared, which is probably why he kept getting even more agitated.

Both were probably on drugs, one with the gun was yelling more and more and for some reason I reached out for his gun, in the struggle the gun fired twice, both times he got shot and died. The other one started yelling for his brother, charged me with the knife he had, I shot and kept shooting until the gun ran out.

Called the police, they couldn’t pretend to care less, two junkie kids on drugs, yeah. Would probably be different in the US.

At the time the only thing that freaked me out was the fact I wasn’t freaking out. I kept thinking I was some kind of monster, yet was mostly indifferent towards it.

A year later after I got on meds for my depression and it felt like it crashed on me pretty hard. Got heavily into drinking.

—deleted

I work graveyards at a gas station in that grey area part of my town where a good neighborhood is immediately bordered by an extremely bad one, so I see all sorts of shit, both good and bad.

A couple years ago (4-5 now maybe? I usually try not to think about it.), I was in the back room stocking, and hear the front door open, so I come out face first into two younger guys running in with guns drawn. I carry, but I’m not the idiot that thinks he can draw, ready, aim and fire before someone with a ready weapon kills me, so I put my hands up and stop moving. Guy 1 keeps coming and grabs me by the back of the shirt while Guy 2 peels off and starts grabbing all of the Newports and scratch tickets. Guy 1 puts the gun to the back of my head and brings me around to the register area, where I open the register. He pulls me to the back of the register area by the cigarette display and his friends moves over to empty the till.

While they’re changing places, Guy 1 says “Hurry up blood let’s merc this fool” (or something very similar), and gestures with his gun in such a way that I got a look at it. He. Had. No. Magazine. His friend may have, but he was facing away, on one knee, with his weapon stuffed in his rear waist band with his fucking comically long shirt over it. Unfortunately for them my CZ-75 compact most certainly did. I smacked Guy 1 in the head with right hand as hard as I could, and drew while shooting upwards at him. I wasn’t really aiming, just fired twice into center of mass from just above my hip. First round caught him in the upper sternum/collar bone area, and the second caught him in the base of the neck and travelled upwards through his skull, before finally ruining the Marlboro light display with bits of his head. (Oddly, those cigarette cartons with the red on the white and gold are my clearest memory of that night.) I spun towards Guy 2 and fired three more times, catching him once in the upper abdomen and twice in the chest.

I immediately called 911, and then proceeded to sit on the floor in silence for the ten minutes it took them to get there, shaking. After all, the adrenaline was wearing off. All said and done, I was questioned for about twenty minutes, and my weapon was confiscated for the duration, but other than that and ~a month of nightmares I was fine. Nightmares stopped once the detective in charge of the case let me know that I was wasn’t the first store they’d robbed, and killed or severely beaten the other checkers. Then I was just glad that I’d removed trash like that from the world. Can’t hurt anyone now.

—F_N_DB

I was in an incident where I shot and killed a squatter during an eviction. In all honesty, he shot me first, and I dont really remember all the details which is probably a good thing. I was also present with a marshal at the time, so there wasnt much of a report to take.

I think about it sometimes, especially when my shoulder hurts. Hard not to honestly. I’m alive, and he isnt, and at the end of the day I feel pretty good about that. I never knew his name, or why he fired his weapon at me instead of just walking out peacefully. He’s probably in an unmarked grave somewhere in Michigan, and that doesnt bother me too much. I don’t intend to end up like that man.

—kegman83

Having lived in a more dangerous neighborhood growing up, I was taught as a teen gun safety and was at the shooting range regularly with my dad and brothers. One day I arrived home after college to find someone going through my things in my bedroom. He came at me with a knife as soon as he saw me. I pulled my gun out of my purse and shot him in the chest.

It happened so quickly, all I could think of was the knife and his proximity and that he had physical advantage over me and I needed to do something before he got within arms length and could use his strength to rape me. I didn’t take time to aim, I certainly didn’t intend to kill him. I wanted him to not be able to come near to me.

I don’t regret pulling the trigger. I do have nightmares about it and what would have happened if i didn’t have a gun that day.

In regards to the “he’s gonna rape me” mentality. I live in South Africa, where some believe (incorrectly) that sex with a virgin cures AIDS. There were a number of reports of rapes in my neighborhood at the time.

—deleted

Was getting out of the Army a few years ago. I took my wife and kids home early in order to focus on getting out and finish selling the house before I completely left the area. I left both of my cars at home with my wife (had a buddy who was also leaving the Army, drive me around) so there was zero cars at my house. Anyways, the front door opened to a hallway to go to the kitchen and backdoor and the stairs to go upstairs. I was sleeping on the floor in the master bedroom where the top of the stairs led because all my stuff had been packed except for a few knick knacks… and my .45 S&W M&P.

Three guys broke in that night, shattered my back door (big center window in door) which woke me up. I didn’t have much to take.. but my laptop and tv was the only thing downstairs. I heard them talking.. heard them say stuff about not having much and taking the laptop and tv. Then heard them talk about looking upstairs. As soon as I heard the first step creak, I yelled out that I have a gun. No movement… then they pretty much bum rushed the stairs and into my room. I shot the first guy in the neck, his buddy took a shot at me and missed where he then was shot in the shoulder. The third guy rushed back outside and left his buddies. The guy shot in the neck was dead instantly, guy with a gsw in shoulder was withering in pain. Kicked their guns down the stairs and called 911. Cops were there in about 10 minutes. Took my statement, took my gun and offered an ambulance. Don’t think they ever found the third guy also.

3 years later and I think about it from time to time. What bothers me most is that I didn’t kill the guy I shot in the shoulder so I do fear he could find me again and also… that the house was nearly empty.. so that dude lost his life over nothing. I’m pretty much fucked in the head from deployments and such.. so this just adds on to it. I just smoke a lot of weed to deal with it.

—unknownshadow2419

 Well, I was sitting in a gas station parking lot when a man knocked on my passengers side window. I was waiting while my friend grabbed some beer and he had just walked in. I live in an area with a lot of homeless people and being the too nice person I am I rolled the window down to give the guy some of the change sitting in a cup holder. He pulled a gun on me and unlocked the door to get in. I had a gun but it was in an awkward position. I had never had to pull it before so I didn’t really know how well it would work but it was the most reasonable place I could think of, not to mention I was a newbie gun owner at the time (left side in the cup holder on the door). You never really know what the best course of action is until it happens to you.

I do exactly as he says and pull away. I didn’t know what the hell was going to happen but I was scared shitless and I really hoped he wouldn’t see my gun. We end up pulling into an old dark parking lot.

To give a little context on why what happened next happened how it did, I drive a little kia soul stick shift and it jumps speed bumps. Like jumps them. I see one and at this point the guy isn’t really paying attention to me so I put my foot to the floor, jump this speed bump, he hits his head on the roof and his gun falls in my lap so I grabbed it and pointed it at him.

At this point I expected him to get spooked and get away but I was wrong. The guy had a pocket knife and he pulled it. He stabbed me 2 times before I could get a shot off. Everything went dark and that’s all I remember.

When I woke up I found out he died in my car and I actually shot him 2 times. It turned into a huge legal battle because the gun was stolen and he had drugs on him. Everyone thought it was a drug deal gone bad. I’ve dealt with it for years and to this day I’m still not the same. My family disowned me because of it. Ive also turned into a hermit that lives in the woods away from everyone because I don’t trust anyone. It can get lonely sometimes but its alright.

The one question I saw a lot “why did your family disown you?” They thought I was dealing drugs along with the rest of the city. I lived in a small Southern town where everyone talks at their tea parties and spread the rumors/drama. Also, my friend at the gas station is the reason I didn’t get locked up for murder. He testified and I got out of trouble. It still took forever. I mean, it was a death not just a gunshot wound. Everyone had a lot of questions and didn’t feel they were getting the answer they wanted to hear.

—TranquilW0lf

I am female, 5’2 and weigh a little south of 100 lbs. I’ve always been on the smaller side and I used to always have earphones on. I was always decked out in “nicer clothes”. Looking back, I was probably an easy target.I’ve always grown up on the “greener grass”. My parents are both successful and I’m an only child. It was a huge culture shock for me when I decided to go to college in a not-so-safe area. My school is a fairly high ranked private school in probably the worst location of SoCal. Really high crime rates & all that fun stuff.

I was walking to my apartment after a long day at the library – it was around 1 am or so. I normally drive, but that day I had lent my roommate my car so I decided to walk to school instead. I could’ve taken the shuttle, but I figured I should exercise and all that fun stuff. I was young and reckless.

I think I was about 10 minutes away from my place when I noticed I was being followed. I didnt think much of it, so I kept going. There are a lot of homeless people in the neighborhood and they’re fairly harmless, so I figured it was one of them panhandling or something. What I didn’t know was that there was someone else in front that was “following” me too. The cops said they had planned it from the start – I wasn’t a random target. They were herding me to a location they wanted me to be in. I dont really remember how it happened, but I turned the corner and everything went black. When I woke up I was sitting on the floor of the alleyway in the corner and there were about 3 guys towering over me. Two of them had a knife and they told me if I screamed they would make sure the cops wouldn’t be able to identify my body.

I remember them grabbing me by my hair and dragging me further down the alley, and being forced on the floor on my stomach. One of them held on to my hair and my hands so I couldnt move my head and I felt strong pressure on the back of my calves & thighs. I imagine they were probably stepping on my legs so I couldnt move. I remember crying and choking on my snot & tears while trying not to make a sound. I also felt something really cold on my neck – I knew it was the knife so I kept quiet. They rummaged through my bag and took everything worth while, and threw the rest in the giant trash bins. Whoever was stepping on my legs bent down and started patting me down to make sure I didnt have anything on me that was worth stealing. They took my iPod, iPhone& around 200 in cash from my pocket. I felt really strong pressure on my side after that knocked the wind out of me – I felt like I was going to die. I imagine they kicked me. I couldnt curl up into a ball and cry though, they were still holding on to me. The part after that is a blur – I remember one of the guys saying “lets bounce” and another voice saying “lets have some fun with this asian bitch”. I think there was a small debate whether or not I was asian (I’m half) but I dont really remember. I think my adrenaline kicked in when I felt pressure on my lower back and someone pulling down my jeans. I started flailing and screaming then. They kicked me a lot more and cut my shoulder from my flailing. I think that scared them – they weren’t really planning on hurting me. I got an arm free and grabbed the knife by the blade. I remember it stinging and thinking “YES”. It was more of a “I’m still alive” than a “yes, I can hurt these guys”. I managed to wrestle the knife away from the guy holding my hair and tried to stab him. I felt some pain in my back (which later turned out to be stab wounds).

What they don’t tell you in movies is how hard it is to stab someone. I think I tried to stab his legs, his arms, stomach, anything I could reach. I couldn’t fully get it in but I knew he was hurting because he kept screaming. I think when I realized I had done something was when I felt the knife slide in and the other guys yelling and running. When there was no more pressure on me I looked up and saw that I had managed to stab the guy in the eye. He stopped moving and just fell. I don’t know if he was dead then – I want to imagine it was the shock that caused him to pass out. I started screaming and crying and yelling. I think I passed out too. I remember waking up to sirens and going to the hospital. I had multiple stab wounds and had to go through intensive surgery. I also had 3 broken ribs, a fuck ton of fractured bones and all that fun stuff.

A couple days later the detectives on my case told me that the guy didn’t make it and that they were sorry his shitty ass couldn’t rot in prison. I just remember thinking “Good, I hope he rots in hell.”

—deleted

Attempted carjacking by two “refugee” fucks in the wake of a massive natural disaster. Far enough away to avoid being completely destroyed, but close enough that practically all law enforcement and EMS were sent out of the area to assist in the worst spots. Rather unscrupulous individuals took advantage of this. Waves of people fleeing the worst of it, no electricity, awful heat, break-ins, theft, rapes, lady down the street found with her head stove in; pleasant time.

Made a run into town to obtain some supplies, and was hauling gas and food back to the house in a pickup. Probably should have covered the bed, but in any case, got jumped at a stop sign by two guys, one with a machete and the other with what looked like a HiPoint handgun. Both waving their weapons about and screaming “Get the fuck out of the car” and related pleasantries.

Fortunately, the Glock was right in the door. Felt like time slowed down, remember seeing the gunman’s eyes widen at the sight of it. Shot the gunman in the stomach and chest and hit the other in the chin. Bled way more than a deer would, the teeth were a rather unpleasant sight, and they never really mention people shitting or pissing themselves on death in the movies. Machete died extremely fast, gunman curled up and was making some kind of noises (gunshots had fucked up hearing). Took ages for the deputies and EMS to show up, with the gunman dying shortly afterward. Cut and dried affair legally speaking, deemed clear case of a justified shooting.

Didn’t exactly shed any tears over them. When you attack someone, that is an outcome you can expect. Been more on my guard in the years since, and had random adrenaline rushes and unprovoked feelings of extreme danger present for a few weeks afterwards.

—DGUthrowaway1

About 11 years ago (late 1999) I was jumped by two guys at a small park in Whitney, WA. It was 8:45 – 9:00 PM, I had just gotten off of work and was going to run a few laps to burn off some excess energy. The sun was just about set as it was summer time, but there was a little bit of natural light left. The park was located on top of a plateau-type land formation and there was only two ways in or out — the road leading up and a small dirt trail at the opposite end of the park. I had been there for about 15 or 20 minutes when I realized that I not only was being watched by two men, I was being ‘herded’ into a corner away from both exits.

Initially, I told myself I was being paranoid. I picked up my pace in the direction of the dirt path and that’s when one of the guys started running at me and I knew shit was really going down. I started running full tilt toward the dirt path at the end of the park. Unfortunately, he had a good angle on me and slammed into my hip/lower body and took me to the ground. At this point, my memory gets very hazy. The first guy who got to me was unarmed — we struggled on the ground for a few moments (years). One thing I remember specifically about this moment was that when you’re in a life or death situation all bets are off — I was scratching his face and gouging at his eyes and pulling his hair and was basically just going ape shit to get away. Shortly after getting tackled, the second guy arrived and he WAS armed with a knife. I was still struggling with the first guy when I was first stabbed (total of 3 times) in the right thigh. I’m not sure if didn’t want to kill me or if he had poor aim, but I was fortunate I was not stabbed in the throat or stomach.

The third time I was stabbed I thrashed and my second assailant lost hold of the knife. I picked it up on impulse and hit him with the butt of the knife in the temple repeatedly until he stopped moving. To be honest, my memory of actually ending his life is almost non-existent. It happened very quickly. His ‘buddy’ booked it after his companion went down and I was left at the park with 3 serious stab wounds and a body (this was before I had a cell phone). It was the two hours it took for me to get help that have stuck with me over the years. I remember being so so so scared that I was going to jail, being so so so scared the other guys was coming back, and overall just being so so so fucking scared.

At the end of the day, I don’t regret what I did. I was not only threatened, I was actually attacked and wounded. I simply defended myself to the best of my abilities. The long term damage mostly has to do with paranoia in concerns to be followed and watched.

—tea_train

My parents went out for date night when I was 10. Got me a babysitter from the neighborhood who was 14 or 15. He’d been my babysitter a few times before. I always wanted an older brother. Both my parents worked and my brother is 7 years younger than me, so I never got to have much playtime. He and I would play video games, play with lego, stuff like that. It was a lot of fun.

This night he tried to molest me. He got on top of me and started touching me. He wasn’t much bigger than me so I was able to get away. We were in the TV room and I ran to my room on the other side of the house. I got my baseball bat and hid behind the door. When he came in I hit him in the knees and he fell down. I just kept hitting him on the ground. Don’t know how long. Eventually I ran away and called the police and told them to come over. I remember being really scared that he was going to get up and chase after me when I was making the call. Once the call was done and I went over to watch him I realized he was dead. His face was all mushed up and bleeding but he still looked surprised.

Not really recovered psychologically. I try not to think about it too much. I think about it a lot.

—hailfishscale

Someone tried to rob me with a knife. I was on my way home from my shitty job at college where I got paid under the table. It was Friday and I was walking the three blocks to my house with a wad of cash in my pocket that I needed. He stepped out and waved the knife and told me to empty my pockets. My immediate thought was Fuck no you junkie. My second thought was the words of my friend, a black belt in kyokushin karate, “If you get in a knife fight don’t be afraid to get cut. It’s gonna happen anyway, just don’t let it be bad.” We were half joking when he said that. When was I ever gonna get into a knife fight?

I said “No” to emptying my pockets. He stepped forward brandishing the knife. So I threw all 230lbs of myself at this spindly man that should probably weigh 170-ish but was instead closer to 140 lbs. I did get stabbed. Honestly, with my adrenaline running I hardly felt it. It felt like a hard punch at first. I eventually tackled him, and from on top slammed his head into the sidewalk once and he went limp.

He was still alive at the time, if unconscious. The problem was actually that he actually started a brain hemorrhage (or some sort of brain bleeding) and died after reaching the hospital.

Anyway, right after he went limp and I started to calm down a bit did I realize that my side hurt really fucking bad. Far more pain than I remember ever feeling. That was when I noticed I had been stabbed. Which was weird, because I remember that when I took the slash on my arm it hurt really bad the second it happened. Anyway, I also had a trip to the hospital.

—deleted

I got carjacked almost 25 years ago in Newport News, VA when it was all the rage in certain shithole eastern US cities. Instead of just shooting me with the little semi the guy had, he had me drive him to a couple of crack houses (also all the rage 25 years ago). Dragged my ass inside to two or three, used cash he made me pull out of an ATM to buy for him, back in the car for another go around.

Seems like this went on all night, but it was probably only an hour or two. Regardless, at some point the guy started to bug out and wasn’t paying attention to me when we got back in the car for round number whatever. My tire iron was under the front seat of my car, and I flat out smashed his face in with it. Heard bone break, blood all over, the whole nasty deal. Pushed him out the door and drove home.

Honestly, I puked a bunch, got shitfaced drunk, puked some more, raged quite a bit, and then passed out. Never called the cops, never got questioned, and talked about it with only a couple of friends. Since maybe the first couple of days, when the adrenaline come-down felt like it was going to kill me, I haven’t though that much about it. It’s possible I didn’t kill him, although I doubt it and always assumed he died.

Sounds weird, but I haven’t lost much sleep over it either. I’m fairly certain he would have killed me if I hadn’t hit him. Anyhow, it lurks in the back of my thoughts, and if nothing else I know that I could kill someone if necessary, because I certainly tried to kill that guy, and to the best of my knowledge I did.

—SD_Killer 

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