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thaidakar-is-hot · 1 year ago

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Kelsier and Anti-Social Personality Disorder: An Essay

Thank you sooo much for editing this @ladyartichokie! You were a massive help!

Kelsier Essay

I hope the dear reader will forgive my use of a proper noun as I write this essay; it removes somewhat of a formal aspect from its words but I must admit, it does come from a personal place of my heart. While this essay is meant to be persuasive, it’s also meant to be constructive and to drive a point home that I have been musing on for quite a while. This essay has major spoilers for the entirety of the Cosmere. If you haven’t read up to SP3, please refrain from reading this.

In the endless expanses of the Cosmere, there are hundreds of characters whom many hold dear and just as many whom people hate. You could say this is due to the brilliance of the author, who, despite his busy schedules and near constant time spent behind a keyboard, finds time to sign sheets and answer questions. Why is signing sheets and answering questions relevant to beloved and reviled characters? Read on.

Brandon Sanderson answers hundreds of questions, many of whom are inane, innocuous, or silly. Some are deeper, others delve into the basis behind some of his choices while writing. Still others pertain to characters. We get to the meat of it. This particular character is known, through the writing, as a brutal man, who let nothing stand in the way of his goal, who, while cleaving the noble class of his society in twain, uplifted the peasants and upended the thousand-year reign of his deity and ruler. Yes, we’re talking of Kelsier, the Survivor of Hathsin, hero of the Final Empire, and a character that leaves many people puzzled.

Reddit forums are frequented by questions about him. r/Mistborn and r/Cosmere alike have had their fair share of debates, and there was one thing I noticed in many of these: they take the words of Sanderson very, very seriously. Why shouldn’t they? He’s the author, is he not? Back in 2013, Sanderson had a Q&A session where someone asked him who his most disturbing character was. The WoB is as follows:

I_are_pant

1.Which of your protagonist characters do you dislike the most as a person? Taking in account that you know all of their inner secrets and motivations. 2. On the flip side, which of your antagonists do you connect with the most? The Lord Ruler seems an obvious choice as he was misunderstood by everyone for so long. But still, I’m curious.

Brandon Sanderson This is a tough one, as while I’m writing, I HAVE to like everyone. However, the most disturbing of them is probably Kelsier. He’s a psychopath—meaning the actual, technical term. Lack of empathy, egotism, lack of fear. If his life had gone differently, he could have been a very, very evil dude.

This Word of Brandon has had a decided effect on the fandom, namely in the fact that critical thought surrounding Kelsier, his motives, his struggles, and his successes, has all but been erased. He has been branded a psychopath, and there is nothing anyone can say against it.

The word “psychopath” is a very negatively charged word. To preface things, I want to be clear that this essay is going to refer to “psychopathy” as Antisocial-Personality Disorder. The term psychopath is very old, and largely refers to individuals with this particular disorder. The traditional definition of psychopath is someone who both lacks a conscience and lacks empathy.

Through this essay, I plan to painstakingly showcase that Kelsier fits neither the outdated term nor the criteria for the actual disorder, through canon book citations. I will break down each diagnostic criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder (Henceforth shortened to ASPD) and Kelsier’s character traits at large. I wish to not only prove Brandon wrong (It is a very old WoB and I doubt very much he still believes this.) but to prove to the fandom at large that Kelsier is a good man. A flawed man, but a good man. I will also note specific character traits that I feel are of note in discussing him, his motives, and his current ideologies.

(Please note that there are plenty of individuals with ASPD that are not bad people. Your actions make you bad, not your mental health. I will be using terms such as “bad” and “wrong”, but this is in regards to a fictional character, NOT a real life human being.)

Antisocial Personality Disorder is a disorder characterized by the DSM-V as a Cluster-B personality disorder. It shares its family with Narcissistic, Borderline, and Histrionic disorders, and is characterized by a “continuing disregard and violation of the rights of others, occurring since the age of fifteen. To be diagnosed with ASPD, you must show a pattern of three or more of the following characteristics:

· Failure to Conform with Laws and Social Norms

· Deceitfulness (Repeated lying or conning of others for personal profit or pleasure.

· Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead.

· Irritability or Aggressiveness (Repeated physical fights or assaults.)

· Reckless disregard for the safety of others.

· Consistent irresponsibility. (Failure to keep a job or honor financial obligations.

· Lack of remorse.

Psychopathy is a term that was coined before this disorder was identified and refers specifically to a person lacking in both empathy and a conscience. The term is still widely used today, along with the term Sociopath, often interchangeably. For this essay, I’ll be largely relying on the psychiatric standards set in the DSM-V.

With this in mind, let’s jump into the criteria necessary for one (In this case, Kelsier) to be diagnosed with ASPD. While Kelsier waits in the waiting room, rather annoyed, let’s overview his case file. I will be pulling The Final Empire (TFE), Secret History (SH), and Eleventh Metal (EM). To make things clearer, I am using the Arcanum Unbounded version of SH and EM.

Failing to Conform with Laws and Social Norms

“Yes, he pocketed the gemstones in the vault, but that was more out of pragmatism than anything else.” (SH)

“Individual must show a pattern of Failing to conform with laws and social norms.” This one is tricky, as we are speaking of a fictional character in a brutal society hell bent on slaughtering those like Kelsier. Him becoming a thief was his way of surviving. While a thief, he was known as trusting, fair, just, and great to work with. When speaking to Vin after saving her from Camon’s beating, he explains just what sort of thief and crew leader he is, which puzzles her for quite a few pages as she notices the level of trust he places in other people.

“…Well Dox and I, we’re scavengers too, we’re just a higher quality scavenger. We’re more well bred, you might say-or perhaps just more ambitious.” (Chapter 3, page 56, TFE). After Clubs leaves in a huff, Yeden exclaims that he has to be dealt with, and Kelsier shuts him down.

“You’re just going to let him go?” “…I don’t work that way, Yeden. I invited Clubs where I outlined a dangerous plan-one some people might even call stupid. I’m not going to have him assassinated because he decided it was too dangerous. If you do things like that, pretty soon nobody will come listen to your plans in the first place.” (chapter 4, page 80, TFE).

Clubs, upon his return, remarks he’s heard that Kelsier would never use emotional allomancy to sway someone to his side. “You’re a smoker Clubs. He couldn’t do much to you, not if you didn’t want him too.” “I don’t like Soothers…Men like that…well you can’t trust you aren’t being manipulated when they are around. Copper or no copper.” “I wouldn’t rely on something like that to get your loyalty.” “So I’ve heard.” (Chapter 5, page 87, TFE).

If we mark his thieving and conning as a pattern in this trope, we also have to mark it against Doxson, Hammond, Breeze, Vin, and Clubs, not to mention hundreds of other Skaa and half-skaa that are just trying to live. Thus, this particular criterion is being ignored due to the outstanding circumstances of the Final Empire and how it was run.

Deceitfulness for Profit or Pleasure

“And the third…well, that was Kelsier’s favorite. It involved a tongue coated with zinc. Instead of a knife it used confusion, and instead of prowling it worked in the open.” (SH)

As a con-artist and thief, Kelsier throughly enjoys his trade. He made it a mission in life to con his way to the top of the thieving world, becoming the most “Infamous crewleader in Luthadel” (Chapter 5, page 89, TFE). He loved terrifying the Ire out of their possessions and the orb of Investiture. The man enjoys his profession in life; he didn’t fall into it out of necessity or trick. He even states, in narration of his own in the Eleventh Metal, that when he Snapped as a Mistborn, he immediately gravitated towards Zinc and Brass, as they could “manipulate other people’s emotions.” (Eleventh Metal, page 159). “We’re thieves, gentlemen- and we’re extraordinarily good ones. We can rob the unrobbable and fool the unfoolable…” (Chapter 4, page 75, TFE). That being said, he doesn’t lie to his crewmembers. (Ghostblood’s are a bit different, and I’ll get to that later.) He is upfront and honest with his crew members, never expecting them to go into something without all the information. He has never used emotional allomancy to manipulate his friends. “Despite what Breeze says, it’s bad manners to use emotional Allomancy on your friends.” (Chapter 11, page 212, TFE).

His dealings with the Ghostbloods get a little trickier. I do not think lying to them about having powers has anything to do with profit or pleasure, more, it has to do with his position and what he is. A little mystery aids his position, and I’m sure those closest to him know quite well he lacks powers.

To sum it up, Kelsier does meet this criterion. He enjoys the con, lives for it.

Impulsivity with a Failure to Plan Ahead

“Oh hell,” Kelsier said. “There’s actually a God?”“Yes.”Kelsier decked him. (SH) Impulsiveness, in regards to ASPD, is described as someone who is not only impulsive, but also fails to plan ahead. To quote the exact text. “Impulsivity with a failure to plan ahead.” They lack any way of preparing for large tasks or what they are going to do in the future. In regards to Kelsier, he can certainly be impulsive. Heat of the moment decisions is one of his major strengths, along with one of his major flaws. He’s fond of brash decisions against those he deems slighted him or others (Punching Leras/Ruin in Secret History.) He will jump headlong into danger in order to save those in helpless situations. (Running to save the army, only to be stopped by Vin.) His foray into Kredik Shaw could be called impulsive, though I read it as him believing that since he didn’t plan at all, there was no way he could be betrayed, as had happened last time. Him taking Vin was certainly a foolish choice, though I wouldn’t call it impulsive.

Speaking of his impulsiveness, other characters are aware of it as well. Vin, inspecting the crates that will be shipped to the caves, says that “Even the new, more responsible Kelsier was an impulsive man.” upon learning he planned to go to the caves with Yeden to inspect the army. (Chapter 20, page 331, TFE).

His slaughter of the noblemen and women in the town of Longsfellow after they murdered a young girl could be seen as impulsive. He did it without regard for their plan, which angered Mare.

That being said, Kelsier does not fit this criteria, despite being an impulsive man, as he does not fail to plan ahead. All of Kelsier’s life as a thief was nothing but planning; job after job, all planned out and discussed with his friends/crewmates.

“It was an unfamiliar experience for him. [faltering/indecision] He’d always had a plan, before. Plans upon plans…” (Eleventh Metal, page 152).

“…all those plans, all of those heists, all of his grand visions.” (Eleventh Metal, page 164).

Beginning in Eleventh Metal, Kelsier forms his plan that we see enacted in The Final Empire. Specifically, this line. “Nobody fights, he thought, Nobody thinks they can fight. But they’re wrong. We can fight…I can fight.” (Eleventh Metal, page 165). “A plan began to bud, a plan he barely dared consider for its audacity. Vengeance. And more.” (Eleventh Metal, Page 169).

This plan carries us into the main narrative of The Final Empire. Every major event, barring a few hiccups, is fully orchestrated by Kelsier. He planned for the House War, long before he sat down with his friends and discussed it in Club’s Shop. The beginnings of it were at Trestings Plantation, where he “stirred up a little trouble.” (Prologue, page 12, TFE).

His death, at the end of the novel, was part of a plan; hidden deep under other sets of plans, a hidden leaf of paper among many: A plan to get the Skaa to rise up.

I doubt I need to fully list all of Kelsier’s planning and plotting throughout the books; it’s extensive and would fill several sheets of paper. While we can all agree that Kelsier is an impulsive man, I believe a suitable picture has been drawn up that proves that he doesn’t fit this particular criteria.

Irritability or Aggressiveness

“He’d been in street brawls before, but not many. He’d tried to avoid them-brawling had been an old habit of Dockson’s. For once, he wished he’d been less refined in that particular area.”

Kelsier’s anger throughout the first novel, and indeed Eleventh Metal, is mostly internal. In Eleventh Metal, he doesn’t lash out at Gemmel, despite the man deserving it. He instead focuses that anger on other, more deserving targets. Through most of the novel, he’s rather numb, incapable of any emotion, until he finds the Skaa, hanging up and nearly flayed from the experiments at Shezler’s hands. He murders Shezler brutally with a shard of glass punched to the throat. (Eleventh Metal, page 167). His actions with Hoid in the Well of Ascension could certainly be touted as aggressive, however I disagree with this line of thinking, for reasons I’ll outline in greater detail later in the essay. (Part 2, Chapter 1, page 231, SH)

“Kelsier kept smiling. He’d do so until it felt natural. Until that numbness, tied in a knot within him, started to unravel and he began to feel again. If that was possible.” (Eleventh Metal, page 149).

“…the only thing he could feel these days was rage, and that rage couldn’t guide him.”

Irritability generally means lashing out at those around you. Kelsier doesn’t do that. He gets his angriest towards “friends” in the caves, when manipulating Bilg to speak of his doubts. Diction is very important here. Kelsier wanted Bilg to die for speaking against him. (Something that was, unfortunately, very common in military groups in prior eras (of Earth). It was labeled as treason, and execution was the usual punishment.) “Kelsier paused. This man should die, he thought angrily. On the ground, Bilg groaned quiestly. Kelsier could just barely see his twisted arm, its bone shattered by the powerful strike. It was bleeding. No, Kelsier thought. This is enough.” (Chapter 21, Page 351, TFE).

Note that, despite his anger and irritation, he changes his mind quickly. The heat of the moment, the trauma of being back in caverns similar to the ones he was tortured in, the looming threat of their deaths drawing ever closer, got the better of him, and he stoppered it.

Despite Vin disobeying him many, many times, following him, and contradicting him, Kelsier never snaps at her. When he catches her following him to Kredik Shaw, he sits down and speaks to her. Yet more evidence is seen in his speaking with his brother. Marsh gets angry; Marsh snaps; We can’t deny him this. Yet Kelsier, despite his inner monologue saying that Marsh is the only one that can get under his skin, keeps his relative cool.

““Oh?” Marsh asked, tapping the word atium on the board. “Why the games, Kelsier? Why lead Yeden along, pretending to accept him as your ‘employer’? Why act like you care about the skaa? We both know what you’re really after.” Kelsier clenched his jaw, a bit of his humor melting away. He always could do that to me.””(Chapter 7, Page 130, TFE).

During Secret History, though technically before the events of Eleventh Metal and The Final Empire, Kelsier kills seven people in retribution for murdering a girl for spilling tea. He remembers this as he wanders into the town of Longsfollow. You could definitely argue aggression in this case. (Part 4, Chapter 2, page 282, SH).

Kelsier does not fit this criteria. Random acts of aggression spaced throughout a lifetime of traumatic events and death at every corner are to be expected, and throughout it all, he’s a wonderful man to those around him; supportive, charitable, and loyal.

Reckless Disregard for the Safety of Others

“The best practice is doing.” Vin said. “My brother trained me to steal by taking me on burglaries.” Kelsier shook his head. “It’s too dangerous.”

Kelsier is shown to care, deeply, for the safety of those surrounding him. We don’t see much of it in Eleventh Metal, but we can assume, based on him helping the Skaa get out of the city at the end of the novella, that he cared for their safety.

In TFE, he is constantly aware of not only his crew’s safety, but his army’s as well. They walk a very fine line; one that, if broken, would result in their immediate deaths. Multiple lines of safeguards and protections, of smoke and mirrors, goes into making sure there is no chance of betrayal or accidental mis-step.

“...Renoux nodded. Ostensibly we’re sending this all via canal barges to my plantation in the west. However, the barges will stop to drop off supplies–and many of the canalmen–at the rebellion caverns. The barges and a few men will continue on to keep upon appearances.” “Our soldiers don’t even know that Renoux is in on the plan,” Kelsier said, smiling. “They think he’s a nobleman that I’m scamming.” (Chapter 20, page 329, TFE)

The security of his troops, and indeed, all of their heads as well, was paramount. The three guards at the entrances at all times, were stationed to keep everyone in that cavern safe from potential betrayal. After they find Marsh “dead”, Kelsier sends the entire crew to the bolt lair before leaving for the Pits of Hathsin. He also tells them to send for Renoux, to tell him to pull out. This happened after a night of thought; it wasn’t an impulsive act.

Upon the attack on Vin’s former crew…

“Should we move our base?” Ham asked. Kelsier slowly shook his head. “When Clubs came to this lair, he would have worn a disguise to and from the meeting, hiding his limp…We should still be safe. (Abridged, Page 208, 11)

Upon finding Vin tailing him as he observed Camon’s hanging…

“What are you doing here?” “I wanted to see what you were doing!” “This could have been dangerous! What were you thinking?” (Abridged, 211, chapter 11)

Upon Kelsier catching Vin tailing him, beginning a back and forth about Kredick Shaw, and Vin deciding she’ll tail him regardless of what he says, Kelsier reads her thoughts. “I’m serious, Vin! You can’t go with me.” “Why not?” she asked, abandoning pretense. “If what you’re doing is so dangerous, wouldn’t it be safer if you had another Mistborn watching your back?” “You still don’t know all of the metals,” Kelsier said. “Only because you haven’t taught me.” “You need more practice.” “The best practice is doing.” Vin said. “My brother trained me to steal by taking me on burglaries.” Kelsier shook his head. “It’s too dangerous.” (page 241, 13)

Upon Vin awakening from her coma the second time…

“Vin,” Kelsier said hesitantly. “I owe you an apology. I nearly got you killed.” Vin snorted quietly. “It’s not your fault. I made you take me.” “You shouldn’t have been able to make me,” Kelsier said. “My original decision to send you away was the right one. Please accept the apology.” (Page 268, Chapter 16, TFE).

“I don’t want to be responsible for something happening to you, Vin. Not again.” (page 287, Chapter 17, TFE).

Are there instances where he disregards the safety of others? He doesn’t care for noblemen. He certainly doesn’t care much for the Ire, though they were trying to forcibly take his God. Many people may argue he doesn’t care for those on Roshar, but this has never been explicitly mentioned in the novels; we hear from players that are literal lightyears away from Kelsier, operating under his orders but without his oversight: they can bend rules and hurt people without being chastised.

Kelsier does not fit this criteria, as the above examples clearly illustrate he cares deeply for the safety of those under his wing.

Consistent Irresponsibility (Inability to hold a job, etc)

“A successful crewleader needs to know how to divide labor, especially on a job as big as this one.”

Throughout the novels, Kelsier has shown consistent responsibility. Before the novels take place, we know he led a successful crew of thieves to the point of massive wealth and infamy. After the Pits, he takes the downfall of the Final Empire under his wing, organizing and spearheading the entire operation on largely his own dime and merit. (It was a multi-headed approach, yes; without Dockson, many things would not have gotten done as well as they had with him, but this just showcases Kelsier’s ability to organize work well.) If we’re getting into the more psychological definition of responsibility (the feeling of being responsible for a person, place, or thing(s) wellbeing) he takes responsibility for the entire planet in Secret History, going so far as to cheating final death, taking up a shard for safe keeping, and giving it up, all to keep his planet, and those he loves, from Ruin.

Leading the Ghostbloods is similar to him leading his crew, only on a far wider and grander scale.

As for him being consistently irresponsible, it’s safe to say he doesn’t fit this. There are a few times when he makes brash decisions that could be labeled as irresponsible, but they fit being impulsive better, which is a trait we know he has.

Lack of Remorse

“Kelsier stood up, turning his back toward the sight. For all his cleverness, he’d gone and broken the poor girl’s heart. I must be the smartest idiot around, Kelsier thought.”

Probably one of the most contentious topics in the fandom is Kelsier’s feelings towards the nobles he kills. Chapter 5 into the beginning of Chapter 7, we are confronted with how he feels towards the men he kills in pursuit of his goal.

It is very safe to say, he doesn’t feel remorse for these men. It’s explained as he descends from the roof, pushing two guards off the balcony to their deaths. He’s angry, he’s determined, and has no pity for those who hold up the Final Empire, especially if their skaa. He does, however, feel remorse for hurting those he cares about; those he wants to protect. The best example of this is Vin: he feels terrible when she’s nearly killed because of his stunt at Kredick Shaw, he feels bad for how he spoke to her before he died, and he’s stricken by his actions in “killing” Elend in an effort for her to keep the power.

Note the actions at the beginning of this scene: “Kelsier was there when she awoke. He sat on the stool by her bed, hands clasped with his elbows on his knees, watching her by the faint light of a lantern.” (Chapter 16, page 267, TFE) Based on Sanderson’s word choice, it is safe to say he’s been watching her for hours, agonized. This is further cemented by a later observation by Vin. “What did one make of a world where a crewleader agonized over his people?” (Chapter 16, page 269, TFE).

He’s also broken up by how he spoke to the army, leading Yeden to “test” the army by striking against a nearby garrison. The entirety of page 419 showcases Kelsier’s thoughts and emotions about this, but I’ll break it up.

“He sat with hands clasped before him…” Remember when he was watching Vin? Similar behavior. “Kelsier shook his head. So many dead. They’d gathered nearly seven thousand troops before this fiasco, but now most of them lay dead. Yeden had apparently decided to “test” the army by striking at night against the Holstep Garrison. What had led him to such a foolish decision?” “Me, Kelsier thought. This is my fault. He’d promised them supernatural aid. He’d set himself up, had made Yeden a part of the crew, and had talked too casually about doing the impossible. Was it any wonder that Yeden had thought he could attack the Final Empire head on, considering the confidence Kelsier had given him? Was it any wonder the soldiers would go with the man, considering the promises Kelsier had made?” “Now the men were dead, and Kelsier was responsible…But, he couldn’t get over the twisting in his gut…the fact that they’d likely died expecting some sort of divine protection from Kelsier…that was disturbing.”

Kelsier fully feels the weight of hubris here, of the secret plan he’s been working on by himself the past few months, that we get a window into during his time in the caves. He feels terrible for what he caused, he fully understands that this was because of him. Safe to say, he feels remorse. You could say this is the comeuppance for his actions with Bilg.

When witnessing the executions, Kelsier opens up about his remorse, as well.

“I wish to the forgotten gods that those boys hadn’t died. Unfortunately, we can’t change that now—we can only use the opening they gave us.” (Chapter 26, page 439, TFE).

Kelsier does not want remorse; he’s full of it. He knows when to put it aside, however, and not let it flood him. Kelsier does not fit this criteria.

Deep Dives Specific scenes in Mistborn are contentious, especially with Kelsier. I have gotten into many arguments with people whom I feel miss the point of the books, and because they have a grudge on a character, fail to see things from their perspective. Therefore, I’m going to go into these specific scenes, break them down, and lay them flat. Imagine it’s a UV Map of a 3D model; all little edges exposed so we can get a good look!

Kelsier and Bilg: Chapter 20 of TFE

Kelsier’s manipulation of Bilg is a key point in the evidence FOR him to be a psychopath, and I want to point out that while Kelsier had very good reasons for doing what he did, I am by no means saying he was moral in doing it. With that out of the way, let’s discuss WHY Kelsier manipulated Bilg into doing what he did, and the emotions that brought him to this point.

It’s not explained outwardly in the text, but Kelsier has some pretty major PTSD surrounding his time in the pits. He pauses before entering the crack, and uses this moment to impress the men; but inwardly he’s not enjoying having to enter this thin crack in the earth and delve into darkness. We get to hear his inner thoughts, but to all others, he’s putting on an act of confidence and bravado. (Pages 346, 347, 352, 353 of Chapter 21, TFE).

During the first tour of the caves, Kelsier is thinking of Mare, her betrayal, and it gets to be so much he asks Hammond to tell him “what he’s thinking about.” Hammond proceeds to ask him a question that seriously disturbs him.

The question, which was if Skaa are meant to be ruled over by the nobility, stayed with him the rest of the week, along with his darkened mood. He realizes, as he’s eating the feast at the end of his visit, that the skaa don’t really believe they can succeed. They need a symbol, a sign, and Kelsier decides to use himself as that symbol.

The reason he chose Bilg and his friends at the table was to scapegoat them into taking the proverbial L for the army. It was all to use his allomancy to empower Demoux and show them they can and will overpower the Final Empire. The reason BIlg had to die was the keep up appearances; those who question their commanding officers were executed. You can argue we don’t know enough about how a militia is ran in the Final Empire, or that it’s nothing like Earth’s military, but as it’s written by an Earth bound man with Earth bound references, I believe it’s a safe thing to assume. Kelsier, whom we’ve already discussed is an impulsive man, got caught up in the moment: his anger from the week spent cooped up in a cave that reminded of hell overcame him. He truly wanted Bilg to die in that moment. He superseded this thought process, reigned himself in, and let him live.

The morality of his actions here can be discussed, and no, it wasn’t ok to manipulate Bilg and Co’s emotions like that. It wasn’t ok to use them as a scapegoat. But I can sure see how it was necessary for a single man to be sacrificed in order to bolster several thousand.

Hoid in the Well: Secret History

When it comes to this scene, I won’t argue that Kelsier was being extra here. The man has been cooped up in a 5x5 spot for a long time, with no answers and seriously questioning his logic at becoming what he’s become. His only companion is an insane, unraveling god who barely speaks most times he “visits.” So when an actual man comes by, floating on what looks to be a corpse, Kelsier is immediately on edge.

All quotes are taken from pages 228 – 233, of Part 2, Chapter 1, of Secret History.

“ “Who are you?” Kelsier asked, stepping to the edge of his prison, eyes narrowed. “A spirit?” “Alas,” the man said, “death has never really suited me. Bad for the complexion, you see.” He studied Kelsier, lips raised in a knowing smile. Kelsier hated him immediately.” “

Seen from Kelsier’s perspective, this is a man that knows things and is holding back. This is a schemeing, conniving man, that is similar to the nobles he’s dealt with all his life. It doesn’t help that Hoid and Kelsier have similar personalities. Note Hoid’s words, “bad for the complexion.” A similar line is used by Kelsier at the very beginning of TFE.

“Fieldwork hasn’t ever really suited me.” Kelsier said. “It’s far too hard on my delicate skin.” (Prologue, page 6, TFE).

“Got stuck there, did you?” the man said. “In Ati’s prison…” He clicked his tongue. “Fitting recompense, for what you did. Poetic, even.” “What I did?” “Destroying the Pits, O Scarred one. That was the only perpendicularity on this planet with any reasonable ease of access.” Kelsier has no idea what a perpendicularity is. Yes, he destroyed it. Did he know what he was doing on a grand scale? No. He was, to his knowledge, destroying the Empire’s main economic driver. Hoid treats him like a criminal when Kelsier was fighting against an unjust Empire, one that Hoid is very familiar with, having been to Scadrial before. Calling him names doesn’t help.

“Who are you?” Kelsier said. “I?” The man said. “I am a driver. A miscreant. The flame’s last breath, made of smoke at it’s passing.” “That’s…needlessly obtuse.” Well said, Kelsier. Hoid plays games, this we know from dealing with him in Stormlight. However, with Kaladin and Shallan he gives half answers, or none at all, in a playful, non-demeaning way. Here he’s laden with vitriol and spite, for no good reason. It gets worse.

“And you claim to not be dead?” “If I were, would I need this?” the Driver said, knocking his oar against the front of his small loglike vessel. [Kelsier notices Spanky for the first time, not knowing what a cognitive shadow just is yet.] “A corpse,” he whispered. “Oh Spanky here is just a spirit. It’s damnably difficult to get about in this subastral—anyone physical risks slipping through these mists and falling, perhaps forever. So many thoughts pool together here, becoming what you see around, and you need something finer to travel over it all.” “That’s horrible.” “Says the man who built a revolution on the backs of the dead. At least I only need one corpse.” Hoid is being ridiculous here. Yes, Spanky is a cognitive shadow, but as I’ve stated, Kelsier has no idea what that is. To his knowledge, this man is riding a corpse around. Hoid is also forgetting that the people Kelsier murdered were far less than innocent; Kelsier can make distinctions here. A rapist and murderer who regularly abuses his peasants is different from a corpse used to wade down a lake of thoughts.

Kelsier folded his arms. This man was wary—thought he spoke lightheartedly, he watched Kelsier with care, and held back as if contemplating a method of attack.

Note the diction here; Kelsier is reading Hoid’s body language as he should; Hoid is planning to use the well to gain purchase in the spiritual realm and take that bead of Lerasium. He isn’t planning anything wrong per se, but Kelsier has no way of knowing that. All Kelsier sees is a man preparing to attack.

“He wants something, Kelsier guessed. Something that I have, maybe? No, he seemed legitimately surprised that Kelsier was there. He had come here, intending to visit the Well. Perhaps he wanted to enter it, access the power? Or did he, perhaps, just want to have a look at the thing Beyond?”

Wrong guesses, but good ones all the same for an ignorant man. Hoid does want something. So far, Kelsier’s waryness is completely justified. He tries to be polite, asking a simple question. “Well, you’re obviously resourceful,” Kelsier said. “Perhaps you can help me with my predicament.” “Alas,” The Driver said. “Your case is hopeless.” Kelsier felt his heart sink. “Yes, nothing to be done,” the Driver continued. “You are, indeed, stuck with that face. By manifesting those same features on this side, you show that even your soul is resigned to you always looking like one ugly sonofa—" “Bastard!” Kelsier cut in. “You had me for a second.”

Instead of even offering Kelsier a crumb of help, he instead insults him, for…very little reason. Hoid rarely kicks people when they’re down; he instead punches up. We notice this with the Rosharan nobility. He doesn’t insult the peasant waitstaff. Why is he insulting Kelsier? There is no reason to do so; he’s just being an ass to be an ass. Kelsier hasn’t even mouthed off yet.

So far Hoid has treated him like an inferior, insulted him and been “needlessly” obtuse, all while showing suspicious body language. Is it any wonder Kelsier is on edge and ready to defend the Well? He knows it’s for Vin; he means to protect it until she can have it.

The two go back and forth for some time, speaking of Kelsier’s bastard nature, skaa versus nobility, and Hoid applying some (I believe it to be dor, but I’m not sure) glowing stuff to his oar. (in an effort to prevent it from de-manifesting). As they speak, Hoid edges closer to the well. Kelsier has been watching him this entire time.

He begins to ask a question again, despite Hoid’s rudeness. “Is there a way to escape this prison?” Kelsier asked. “How about this?” the Drifter said. “We’ll have an insult battle. Winner gets to ask one question, and the other has to answer truthfull. I’ll start. What’s wet, ugly, and has scars on it’s arms?” Another insult to an innocent question, and now Kelsier is very on edge. He’s obviously deflecting. So Kelsier decides to be as extra as possible in an effort to scare him away. Now, a cognitive shadow would, realistically, be as scary as an earthworm to Hoid if it’s not on Threnody, but Kelsier doesn’t know this. Which is why he brings out his “I’m-going-to-murder-you” routine that goes into lurid detail and leaves Hoid speechless. Kelsier even throws in a shrug.

Hoid then dives for the well, and Kelsier grabs him, determined to disable him, kill him, or just prevent him from doing whatever he wants to do in the well. Which leads to their fight, where Kelsier does zero damage to Hoid and Hoid proceeds to torture him incessantly as a “lesson.” He did not need to go as far as he did. If Hoid had been truthful with who he was, what he was after, and perhaps offered explanations, Kelsier would have been less inclined to act rashly. Instead, Hoid is needlessly obtuse, rude, mocking, condescending and tortures him.

It makes his words at the end of RoW amusing to me, as Hoid cheats in this fight and was the aggressor in every definition of the word. Hoid strikes first by the very fact he jumped for the Well. Kelsier was merely defending it.

“Deal with your own stupid planet, you idiot. Don’t make me come there and slap you around again.” (Chapter 115, page 1238, RoW).

To tie this long, rambling, and somewhat insane essay up, Kelsier is not a psychopath. He fits only one of the criteria, and only somewhat fits another. Since one needs to fit three of the traits in order to be diagnosed, the man is free from ASPD. Through the essay, I have showcased his empathy, his understanding, his patience, his trust, and his love of those around him. Hell, he says as much in Secret History when wandering, his soul cracking from loneliness. He’s a flawed man; he can be arrogant, egotistical, and impulsive, but he wants what is best for his people. No one can deny that.

#kelsier #mistborn #cosmere #mywriting #Essay #The Final Empire #Secret History #Eleventh Metal #Brandon Sanderson #Marsh #Vin #ASPD #DSM-V #academic essay #long post

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 4 months ago

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hi! i don't know if you're familiar with monsterverse titans (godzilla, kong, mothra etc.), do you think it's possible for them to exist in the same universe as twilight vampires? they would have been around for millions of years, probably longer than vampires have ever existed. pretty much all of them were hibernating so it's technically impossible to encounter one... at least until 1954 when the humans accidentally woke godzilla up

sure a lot of titans are dangerous but since godzilla is basically a one man volturi army but for titans, so aro wouldn't have to worry about human extinction from them

but do you think the volturi might have a branch dedicated to tracking titans' locations, kind of like monarch?

would godzilla deem vampires as threats to the balance of nature or, since the volturi basically keeps them in control, will he just ignore them and think of them as very very durable humans?

human titans. that's pretty much what vampires are. lmao.

and the cullens! can you imagine if they were unfortunate enough to be in a town where two titans picked to be their battleground? or forks. we have carlisle and some doctors and charlie and the quileute tribe hanging around post battle helping injured survivors, meanwhile edward is insisting to everyone in his family that this is absolutely an evil convoluted plan aro cooked up to... to... well he doesn't know what but it's something evil. and then it cuts to aro sobbing in the corin tower because godzilla is using the colosseum as a cat bed (and unintentionally destroying parts of it in the process)

wait wait wait, the cullens might even be able to find better prey if they move to hollow earth! Maybe the prey there would taste better over their usual 'vegeterian' choices

i will probably write the fic like you've suggested to askers many times, i'm just curious about your thoughts if you've watched the films. they've got probably one of my favourite worldbuilding lore.

also i hope you and vinelle are doing okay! i wait in anticipation for any of your stories to be updated. take your time on them though. we've been fed so much the first half of this year which has been amazing

@therealvinelle are doing fine, summering away.

And yeah, my friend, this is a "write the fic" ask, but mainly because it's very clear what you have in mind and you don't need me to say yea or nea. Have fun! Be the captain of your own adventure!

(gif credit @franzias-cave)

That said, I think it's plausible for a number of reasons. Anon's referring to the fact that most of the time someone asks "can X crossover happen" I say no because usually either a) either world would look extremely different and the crossover would not be what we would know b) one would give way to the other. Either we have our vampire overlords wiping out that other threat to humanity/the secret as they did the werewolves in the world of Twilight or the vampires never become the apex predator.

In this case, as you noted, if these creatures hibernate most of the time how the fuck would anyone know they're around? The Volturi are 3500 years old but that's nothing in the scheme of human existence let alone how old the giant lizards are supposed to be.

And that they live in the bottom of the ocean--could be just none of them have surfaced.

They can absolutely exist while the Twilight world exists.

Now upon becoming aware of each other there's a "what are we going to do about this?" but I imagine that the Volturi would let humans handle the tracking. Unless the humans are very bad at it the Volturi are busy enough if Demetri can't find where these things are.

In terms of Godzilla killing vampires... we don't know what vampires are or where they came from in the twilight world, but it seems to have been for a fairly long time. Point is, I don't think they disrupt the balance of nature by existing any more than humans do.

But yes, write the fic! You have my encouragement!

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #meta #headcanon #opinion

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mochinon-yah · 7 months ago

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I just realized we all technically have the power to ask any questions on this site, and I never got to doing it. So....

[Points S.E.E.S evoker at you]

Who are the fictional characters you ship your mutuals to? Doesn't have to be necessarily their self-ship. I am deadass curious. Spill the tea, Imbibitor's lover—

We can lower that down, brynn- no need to get all aggressive now-

*cough* ANYWAY!

I'll list them down below, and if they're not accurate or you're actually gonna fight them rather than making out with the characters that i chose then yeah, that is probably my plan 😀 /silly

Oh and! I'll mostly be using genshin and hsr characters because yeah-

@beloved-brynn -> heizou and ratio. NGL, YOU + HEIZOU, OR YOU + RATIO, OR EVEN THE THREE OF YOU WOULD TOTALLY BE SO FUNNY AND CHAOTIC 😭☝️ they can counter your wild statements while also being the (somewhat) saner one but could also say smth wild as well. I could see you and one of em (possibly ratio) be like "oh yeah, the other day, i was eating my lunch while watching that gorey movie-" "what." "yeah, i was hungry at that time, so like why not yk-" (this is based on my real experience guys, guess which dialogue is me lmao)

@meimeimeirin -> hmmmm, koh zhongli maybe? Okay, let me tell you the reason why... it's simply because she NEEDS someone who can pamper her! I don't know where that conclusion came from, but yeah. Anyway, if we're talking about other characters, then i think welt, or even zayne from lnd could fit. Basically: "I need someone older, just a little bit colder." lmao (oh, mochi, did this conclusion came up because you know rin's the youngest in her family and now you ship her with men older (and more experienced) than her? whaatt... ofc not, haha-)

@leftdestiny-posts -> absolutely cannot see them with anyone other than dottore. Cute and kind but is secretly crazy "i want to watch the world burn" x The human version of the word 'crazy' "as you wish, my love" would be their dynamic, i suppose...? WAIT OH! I can actually see shiro with ayato or maybe sunday! I bet they would like such a cute, innocent-looking darling to control, but then they would get so surprised and maybe super interested into trying to control the darling despite how crazy the darling actually is- (shiro ily, if ur crazy then we can be crazy together 💐)

@navxry -> arlechinno, and maybe black swan. Yeah, that's it. No explanation needed.

@jessamine-rose -> hmmm, would it be weird if i say capitano? I don't know why or how did i get to that conclusion, but yeah. And maybe blade? IDK WHY I'M PARTNERING HER WITH CRAY CRAY MEN- SORRY JESS, I (subconsciously) THINK YOU CAN LIKE CALM THEM OR SMTH AJFIAWOF-

@stardust-for-your-soul -> funnily enough, i can see her with aventurine. They'll say sweet words that probably have a double meaning and also probably have a teeny tiny bit (maybe a lot lmao) of 'enemies to lovers' moment. (wow, cherry, your new bf is a gambler- /smack). But anyway, i could also see her be with march 7th who is so bubbly and sweet, and i'd think cherry would love to tease march hehe

@teabutmakeitazure -> ACTUALLY NGL DAN HENG????? He would listen to her ramblings and also help her write her fics. It just sounds so cute in my opinion lol. Other than dan heng (who is obviously the best choice), zuri would probably look into red flag charas, like... yeah, aventurine- but still tho, dan heng! But i get what zuri is thinking tho, red is such a sexy color- /smack

@harmonysanreads -> ngl alhaitham or kaeya would be cute if paired up with her! Idk where did kaeya come from, but when i thought about it, instantly "cute!". I think, harmony has this really 'weird' calming aura that could make those two charas just fell in love with how comfortamble she can make them feel. BUT LIKE IDK THO-

@fishanonishere -> Albedo...... i think? Fish, i know what you are- i mean like as in how chaotic and just how 'what in the world is this person thinking???' you are. With how calming and 'would jump into any interesting topic' he is, i think fish and him could be such a cute duo. Fish's ramblings and their drawings are some of the things that make him really interested in fish

#reli-answers : brynn <3 #LMAO I TRIED MY BEST GUYS #maybe some of this could be seen as platonic ships but think what you want!!!#i just partnered up mutuals with characters i think would fit their vibe or i think would be funny together lol #i hope you guys don't mind me shipping you like this ehehee #AND ALSO #BRYNN I SWEAR #you fit with alhaitham too #but i'm like “nah. this would be too long if i put haitham”#i would ramble more about every ships but i'm afraid it would get too chaotic and too long so i hope this counts as good answer!#and once again #i tried my best uheahkufbajk

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oathkeeper-of-tarth · 1 month ago

Text

I want to talk a bit about a thing I played around with... this last February, apparently (in the midst of quitting my job and upending my life? wow). Consider this a sort of vague and casual interest check, as well, simply because I'm curious.

Note that this specific little self-indulgent project isn't publicly available and most likely won't ever be - I just had a couple people I know run through it for fun, as it's super rough and ultimately kind of pointless as-is. But I am actually interested to hear what people around these parts think of this kind of interactive fiction as a fanfic format. If I suddenly decided to go all in on writing, I don't know, a post-game Selûnite mini murder mystery in something like this, would this even be a kind of fanwork anyone would want? Or want to participate in, even?

In any case, what "this" even is is me messing around, first in Twine and then in Ink (which was brought to my attention thanks to Heaven's Vault being one of my favourite things ever). Then trying out what hosting things on itch.io looks like, after which I tried out both Unity and Godot variants of plugging the Ink into an existing engine - this was pretty much a test vehicle for me to play around with for a couple of evenings in a private little game jam. Outside of poking around Ren'Py five million years ago, this is the first time I've actually tried making anything interactive in this sense. And honestly, I loved it!

It's really not much, writing-wise, at about 5k words total. Just a bunch of scenes harnessing that sweet, sweet BG3 hyperfixation, shaped purely around me trying out different things in a technical sense and using the characters as a sort of shorthand while doing so. So you have fairly classic branching dialogue trees (Wyll), scenes that change when you leave and then come back (Jaheira), scenes that briefly diverge but end up at the same place and set some flags in the process (Aylin, Lae'zel), some stuff hidden behind checks you need to make (Halsin, Shadowheart, Isobel), and completely random events that may or may not happen during certain scene transitions (Orin). What I identified as the essentials, really.

I did a bit of exploring ways to incorporate small changes to encounters depending on which order you do them in. As a very simple example:

The above basically means your dialogue changes very slightly depending on if you found Shadowheart before talking to Aylin. Additionally, if you ask Aylin to tell you where Shadowheart supposedly went (which is completely optional even if you do talk to Aylin first), you'll have a bit of extra dialogue in the scene with Shadowheart when that flag up there gets checked. So some very, very basic reactivity - just for flavour, here.

My skill checks were plain d20 rolls without modifiers and with fixed DCs - a simple "create your character" intro bit would be perfectly doable, though, to get some stats and bonuses going. But roll badly enough and you can always make a complete ass of yourself in front of the Blade himself!

Visuals are super rudimentary, obviously. Taking a zoomed-out screenshot of the BG3 camp and blurring it to get this nice, chill background where that damn fire actively interferes with readin-- I mean, look at this, dynamically changing the look of the text to convey a shift in mood!

And, of course, a little structure of options and checks to get some of the good old "choices and failures having meaningful consequences":

(...for Shadowheart, at least. Sorry.)

In conclusion, this was all very fun to try out, and I can see a bigger project spiraling completely out of control because it's so tempting to try to cover everything in the universe and make everything branch out infinitely! But I also definitely want to do more of it, beyond this little proof of concept/experiment. I'd also love to encourage people to try their hands at this themselves - both of the tools/languages I mentioned and linked up there are very beginner-friendly and very well-documented. Give them a try! There's also a sea of works already out there to jump into, to see how these things can be used and the interactivity part leveraged to great effect - I've still barely scratched the surface, myself.

#i mean i SAID it was self-indulgent didn't i #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #fanfiction #interactive fiction #oathkeeper writes things #i can never get back on my bullshit because i cannot be anything but completely on my bullshit at all times

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batrogers · 8 months ago

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I'm glad you picked up this game because oh gosh so many appealing choices! Can. Can I ask about two of them. XD Cuz LU Ravioli Interrupted definitely sounds fun but I'm also curious about some of your personal/general stuff. Like Rabbit Bio Piece?

Oooo two fun ones. Of course you can ask for two!

LU RavioLi Interrupted is one I need to restart, because it's barely a fragment but it absolutely is meant to be a Spicy making-out fic, and maybe PWP if it works out (although the "interrupted" obviously implied it wasn't going to actually get anywhere, bo both boys dismay.) Mostly, it was my intention to write really cute Ravio/Legend ship fic and it's definitely still on my roster, I just probably won't continue that one.

The Rabbit Bio Piece is a That Broken Promise fic. I have a few "Bio pieces" done, like Chief's Coming Home and Skyloft's Where Demons Have Gone Before. I actually have a set of them linked in the main series if you check on AO3, and (try to) link them all in their bios in my pinned post here, although I'm behind on keeping up with that. I do intend to have one for everyone and I actually am done all but Rabbits so far!

I've had some trouble with his. I know roughly what I want to write, but it's uh, extremely dark in directions I don't normally write. I'll include a snippet from the fic (It's technically complete) under a cut, but the gist is that Rabbit had an abusive marriage after LttP that ended with him suffering severe post-partum depression. The trip to Labrynna and the start of Oracle of Ages was part of him trying to move on and recover. So...

As much as I write dark fics, the really dark reality of how abusive long-term relationships go isn't one I explore often and I'm having some struggles making it work as a one-shot that feels satisfying!

Nevertheless, snippet under the cut. CW for abusive partner, and flashbacks/PTSD from combat.

They had a large courtyard; across it was his in-law's rooms, opposite their own. Link thought nothing of it. He exhaled slowly and passed his short sword between each hand, adjusting to the now unfamiliar weight on his arms. It had been too much to pick up a sword again for so long. Too close to the pain.

He waited, as if expecting the memories to sneak up on him, then brushed it off. This was a conversation he’d had with his uncle, while he tried to talk him out of the marriage: that the memories would fade, but still be unpredictable. That the pain was normal.

(Link hadn’t asked him if he remembered dying. He hadn’t asked him if he’d heard, or asked, or spoken to the other guards, in case any of them remembered it, either. He didn’t dare. He knew, and Zelda knew, and that was bad enough.)

The drills came back without much conscious thought. He’d done them since he was seven, and he could practically do them in his sleep. He was so focused, he didn’t notice anyone coming into the courtyard – didn’t think to stop, because he’d grown up a knight.

What idiot would step into his space?

His husband grabbed his wrist mid-swing and wrenched the sword from his hand.

“What are you thinking?” he snarled. “You said you were done with this!”

Link jerked back and punched him in the ribs, hard enough his husband let go, then spun and slapped him, open-handed across the face. Link staggered and saw his sword and only barely didn’t lunge for it. His heart was pounding in his chest and for a moment, all he could think of was the next sequence:

Seize the sword. Stay low, spin. Cut across the left side waist. Hemorrhage from the liver, or severe gut damage. He'd need a fairy or potion, or he’d be dead.

He swallowed, frozen, long enough the man grabbed his arm and pulled him around to face him again. “Talk to me. Tell me you won’t do that again. Look at you, you look ill!”

He felt ill. Link struggled to find his voice, and all he could manage was, “I’m sorry. You’re right. I wasn’t thinking. Please, don’t startle me like that. I could’ve hurt you.”

“I’m just looking out for you.”

He pulled Link into his arms, and Link melted there as he wished for the shakes to stop. He was right. If he hadn’t been playing with swords again, he never would’ve thought of killing him.

#asked and answered #my writing #Ravio #TBP Rabbit #short fiction

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druckkugelschreiber · 3 months ago

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If you're accepting prompts, I would like to submit

well, getting there is one thing. getting back's the problem.

For dealer's choice of fandom/ship

Hello yes! Thank you so much for sending this! I am accepting prompts. Tbh I am always accepting prompts.

Here is the link if anyone is curious.

This also has been what feels like ages sitting in my inbox, but looking at the date it wasn't that long. I just had the writing finished for a while and it got wildly out of hands. It's so long. It nearly spiraled into a whole fic all on it's own.

Anyhow, you only get the first part in this post :) Which is 4k words long.

It's OFC x Natasha Romanoff. So MCU but MCU if it had the Fae Folk. Also I expected the prompt to have an entirely different result. When I first saw it, I wanted to write about stealing a dragon egg, but the evening I sat down to write I wanted to write about Nat, so here it is.

Tags: fictional racism

Also I don't think there are any other tags as it's mostly just conversation

Life was always interesting as a half blood. You never knew if half the world wanted to kill you because you were obviously not of their blood or because they needed something from you because you were not of their blood and blessed with the ability to do some weird shit. I was never quite sure what days I liked more to be honest. However, I wanted more days where I just didn’t get bothered by anyone. Considering my phone buzzed wildly in my back pocket, this was not going to be one of those days.

I pulled out my phone and mentally halted at the name on the screen. I didn’t let it show in my body simply out of practice, though she probably would have noticed anyway if she was watching.

I cast a glance around the dark street. The street lamps cast more shadows than light and even my sharp eyes had trouble making out the details in the gathering darkness. I couldn’t see anyone. I couldn’t smell any smells that weren’t supposed to be here and I couldn’t hear anything, but she was an expert at being in places she wasn’t supposed to be in. Namely my life.

I answered the call. “What happened now?”

“Why do you think something happened?” Natasha tried to sound innocent and failed even with her amazing acting skills.

“You never call because you want to invite me for tea!” I’d instantly sit down to have tea with her though. “You only ever call when you need something.”

“Would you want me to call you for tea?” I could practically hear the frown on her face.

My house came into view. It was technically too big for a single person living in it, but I had inherited it from my grandma who had way too many children. That I didn’t want to have a single one wasn’t my fault. It was also technically too old fashioned looking for little old me, but I liked it. It had a certain charm.

“Yes, that would absolutely be a nice change in scenery”, let’s try not to admit my woman sized crush on her. “Also would make you a bit less predictable.”

“Predictability can be a problem”, Natasha admitted.

I had to smile. Like screw it if she was watching. The spy had a paranoid streak to her. I knew calling her out on her predictability would get a reaction. I walked up to my porch and dug around in my little backpack for my keys. The door opened before I had found them. The inhuman growl slipped over my lips before I could think better of it.

Natasha smirked that little smirk. Tiny, only on one side and the most infuratingly sexy thing I had seen in a long time. “Good evening, Kas.”

“One day my wards are going to set you on fire”, I stopped rummaging around my bag.

Her smirk widened a hint and my heart beat faster. “They haven’t yet.”

Yes, because I didn’t want to harm her. Natasha might be able to sense a hint of magic in the air, but she wouldn’t be able to survive a full blown ward. Not that I was very good at setting anything but alerting wards. It would take ages.

I scowled at her.

She stepped to the side. “Don’t you want to come in?”

I couldn’t decide if I wanted to kind of strangle her for invading my space constantly and leaving her scent everywhere and driving me insane or if I wanted to kiss her. Not really. I stepped inside my own home and Natasha closed the door behind me. I scanned her. She still wore her boots. “Are we leaving tonight? Should I keep my shoes on?”

“Depends entirely on the information you’re about to give me.”

Oh great. I kicked off my sneakers, dropped my backpack next to the stairs and walked into the kitchen.

Natasha followed me on silent feet. She should not be able to be that quiet in combat boots, but I swear she could sneak better than some cat fae.

I got myself a glass of apple juice without offering her any. She had made herself at home here so I would not play hostess. I was griping a lot, but honestly I wanted nothing more than to find Nat here more often.

I leaned against the kitchen counter and drew in Natasha’s appearance. She wore her shoulder length dark red hair open, inviting me to run my fingers through it. Her clothing was on first glance civilian, but the cargo pants were sturdy and mixed with the combat boots it did make her look like she was prepared for anything. She wore a simple red shirt with a leather jacket on top, which would be good against blade attack and claws alike. “Well?” I prompted her.

“I need to get into the faery realm.”

Of course she did. Because I was not only her magic booty call but a chauffeur as well. If I hadn’t had my glamour on my cat ears would have pinned sharply against my head. “That’s awfully unspecific”, there were a lot of different realms and all were slightly different to enter.

Natasha crossed her arms and leaned sideways against the kitchen isle. My eyes did not flicker down to her hips, nope! Nope! I was focused. My mind was a steel trap.

“More specifically we have gotten intel that the Tinkeres have gotten their fingers on some alien materials we really don’t want them to. I’m supposed to get it back and you’re going to get me there.”

“You want me to take you to the Tinkerers?” just to be clear. Before I got more irritated.

“Yes.”

“Do you know where they are?”

“Aren’t they sort of the inspiration for the legends of dwarves? I assume somewhere underground?” Nat’s eyes flew over my face, reading every single micro expression. “Why? What’s the problem?”

“Everything is the problem”, I threw one hand in the air. “You’re right, the Tinkerers are the inspiration for the legends about dwarves. They live in what we call the Underworld, which is the most fucking awful place to get to.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s hard and dangerous. It can fuck you up more than the Shadow Realm. The magic there is thick and inflexible like stone”, also I hated the feeling of being underground though the Underworld wasn’t necessarily underground. It was weird, but Fairy Hills were always weird.

“But you can do it right? Cat Fae can travel anywhere.”

I made a face. “Well, getting there is one thing. Getting back is the problem.”

“Why?” her moss green gaze was so intense as if she wanted to read the thoughts straight from my brain.

“Because they don’t care who breaks in, but they want to make sure no one breaks out with their inventions”, which would make it even harder to get her weird alien shit.

Natasha frowned. “What sort of resistance do we have to expect?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t gone there since I was six years old and got the tour from my dad”, and I did not want to go back any time soon. “I just remember that it felt like passing through quick sand as we travelled back to the Cat Paths.”

“Well, I have all the shield assets at my disposal. Iron Bombs, Smoke grenades, anti magic fields, stingers. Surely between the two of us we can make it work?” was she being optimistic or determined?

I levelled her with a look.

“Kas, this isn’t something we can just turn away from. Do you have any idea what could happen if the Tinkerers plug in their magic into an alien power source?”

“No, do you?”

She glared at me. “No, do you want to find out?”

“I don’t care. The Tinkerers don’t leave the underworld.” Tinkerers didn’t get in trouble.

“They did for this.”

I paused. “What?”

Nat pushed herself off and walked over to me. Her proximity distracted me more from the topic at hand than it really should. Her scent invaded my nostrils and I had to keep the very cat like urge at bay to rub against her and start to purr. My god, this woman really had me acting like a teenager all the time. She pulled out her phone and showed me a video.

My focus returned to the video as I saw the figures on the screen break into a shield facility. “That’s halfbloods.”

Nat hummed in agreement. “It’s how they got around the wards we have against full blooded fae. An oversight on our part.”

“Nothing is completely break in or breakout proof”, my voice was a bit unfocused as I watched the six people work their way to the SHIELD vault, get a purple glowy stone and then back out. “This are exclusively Tinkerer halfbloods”, I looked at Nat. “Do you know how rare that is?”

“No, why are Tinkerer Half bloods rarer?”

“Well for one Tinkerers don’t leave the Underworld, which means a human found their way there. Secondly, Tinkerers are obsessed with keeping their bloodlines clean of outsider interference because they have such specific skills and high intelligence. Breeding with a human would be to them having Einstein have a kid with someone with like less than half his IQ or something. And thirdly if there is a Tinkerer halfblood, they usually get killed for the second reason. If they don’t get killed, they get treated far worse than other halfbloods if they are acknowledged at all. So five of them? That’s like winning the lottery just a bad lottery for us.”

“The Tinkerers sound like assholes.”

I chuckled mostly against my will. “Only if you’re a Tinkerer halfblood, they don’t care about you as long as you don’t distract them and if you give them complicated stuff to work on they might even be polite”, a thought struck me. “But it makes sense why they evaded your defences so easily.”

“Because they got some of the specific skills?”

“Yes, I’ve never met a Tinkerer Halfblood, but just based on genetics, they should be very smart and still have a lot of their bloodline skills in them.”

Nat didn’t look happy to hear that. “If we steal the stone back, how do we keep them out then?”

“Depends on their skills I guess and before you ask, no I don’t know what they are, but you could ask the Bright Court.”

“Speaking of assholes”, Nat muttered.

I chuckled. “Yeah, but they can keep almost everyone out. Or you hide it so they don’t find it.”

“Do you think they sensed it somehow or do we have a mole?” her glare made me think I never wanted to betray her.

“Depends on the energy signature of the stone.”

“Can you tell once you have it?”

“Sure”, I shrugged.

Natasha nodded. “We are getting the stone back.”

I sighed. “Can I say no?”

“Only if you want me to do something stupid.”

I eyed her. “You never do stupid things”, otherwise she’d already have fucked me.

“No, but we do have a travel scroll.”

I sneered. “You, Missy will not use a travel scroll! That’s as likely to turn you into goo as it is to travel you anywhere.”

Natasha’s smirk was back.

“Don’t smile at me like that”, I snapped.

Her smirk widened.

I wanted to kiss her so bad. “So when do you want to do this fucking stupid thing?”

“As soon as possible, but you can rest the night if you want.”

“Nah, who needs sleep”, something that might be a bitter smile pulled at my lips. “I’m nocturnal anyway.” I pushed myself off the kitchen counter. “So we’re doing this now?”

“Yes.”

“Cool, let’s go and end up in Tinkerer prison.”

Natasha frowned. “What would happen if we end up in Tinkerer prison?”

“Depends on how bad SHIELD wants you back. If they get the government to talk to the Courts, the Tinkerers would probably give you back.”

“What if they don’t want me back?”

I locked eyes with Natasha. “They would find out your true name and make you their slave.”

Natasha’s face froze. “And what about you?”

I shrugged. “Depends on if they want to deal with my father or not. Or if he wants to deal with them. He will be informed. If he does not care for me, I would probably be executed or they’d put me in the mines or something. Maybe pull the magic from my bones, which would also kill me.”

“Capture is not an option”, Natasha’s eyes were still cold. “You will not die and I am no one's slave.”

Huh, it almost sounded like she cared about me. “Well, I need to dig through my toolbox, then we can go”, I left the kitchen to head to my office.

Natasha followed me. She tried not to be a nosy busybody but she absolutely was.

I unlocked the office with my handprint. Not technology but magic.

“You know I’ve never managed to get in here”, Natasha stepped into the room. “Wow.”

The walls were littered with weapons. Swords, bows, axes, but also magic weapons chains, wips, amulets, stones, gloves, tiaras. It was a collection that was the envy of some, but as a Halfblood mercenary you got really interesting payments.

“Don’t touch anything”, I plucked an amulet of the wall and put it around my neck. It hummed with subtle magic and joined my heartbeat.

“I’m not stupid.”

That was true. I turned around hands on my hips and considered my options. The amulet was the last way out, but bringing Natasha I needed something for her. I grabbed a little silver tiara from the wall and handed it to her.

She raised an eyebrow. “Am I supposed to put that on?”

“Yes, it’ll protect you. Trust me.”

She took the tiara and put it on her head with a doubtful expression.

“And you look cute in it.”

She scowled.

I grinned and turned back around. A couple of magic daggers. My trusted sword. A bracelet that could do some nasty shit. Some of the crystals. My toolbelt with the herbs mixtures, iron powder and good old salt. I turned around again. Oh and my favourite hair needles! I wound them into my silver blue tabby hair. “I’m done!”

Natasha scanned me from head to toe. “You do look battle ready. More so than ever before”, at least now she sounded slightly concerned.

“I haven’t even put on my armour yet”, I shooed her out of the room and locked it again, heading into the one opposite that held all the human stuff. Tac gear, pistols, assault rifles, grenades, that sort of stuff. It also locked with a ward.

I quickly changed into an outfit similar to hers. Cargo pants, combat boots. A sturdy shirt with a armsheaths and some other armour additions. The sword went in a modified backsheath. I briefly scanned myself in the mirror. I did look battle ready. I bared my teeth. The canines were always sharper no matter how much I tried to hide them with glamour and my cat green eyes stood in contrast to my silverblue hair. No earth cat had that coloration. For me it just signalled that I was a royal bastard.

“Where do you want to do this?” Natasha asked.

“The basement, as per usual”, it was easier to travel through portals if they were always in the same spot. Funnily enough it also hid them better. “Wait”, I stopped in front of the basement door and turned around to Natasha. “Do you actually know where the stone is? Because traipsing through the Underworld without a plan is actually a suicide mission.”

Nat pressed her lips together.

“Natasha!”

“Okay, listen, we have this new prototype shielding which should allow technology to work in a magic environment”, Natasha nearly hurried through the words. Nat never hurried through anything.

“But you’ve never tested it?”

She had the good graces to look slightly ashamed. “We have never tested it inside a fairy hill.”

“And you thought this mission was a good idea?!” I whispered instead of yelled. Anything louder than a whisper and I would have yelled. I didn’t like yelling at people.

“Well I didn’t think you’d like me to hop by and ask for prototype testing in a random fairy hill. You don’t like it when I call.”

Do not strangle your crush, Kas. Do not. Let’s talk about the more pressing matters at hand. “You think I don’t like it when you call?”

Nat frowned. “You said as much!”

“No, I said I don’t like you only call because you need me! For stupid dangerous magic work”, I motioned around wildly. Was she seriously this dense right now? Did I need to spell it out for her? Take me on a date, Natasha?! Like wave around a sign or something? Maybe I should just ask her. Or she really didn’t like me and that’s why it didn’t occur to her that I wanted to spend time with her. No, wait she didn’t smell like she didn’t like me. This was getting way to stupid.

Nat’s frown didn’t let up. “So what now?”

Oh great she just ignored what I had said. I stared her down and held back a growl. See, I could smell that she sometimes reacted to my proximity, but maybe it was just a body reaction and her mind didn’t agree to it? Maybe she disliked Halfbloods? “Do you have something against half bloods?”

Her brows nearly touched in utter irritated confusion. “What? No!”

That was the truth. I could taste it in the air. Which didn’t help me discern if she liked me like I liked her, but we really had more important things to do. Maybe instead of strangling her I should just strangle myself.

“Kas, we need to focus! Will you still go to the Underworld with me?”

“Yes, yes, but if your prototype doesn’t work, we’re screwed.”

Nat’s brows furrowed again. Really couldn’t make that woman happy tonight. “And you're willing to risk your life for that? I mean it’s my job but”-

“Considering you pay me, technically it’s also my job”, I kind of had to point out. Well, not she herself paid me but SHIELD. I was a mercenary after all for everyone who could pay the fees.

“Yes, but I’m giving you shit intel.”

I put my hands on my hips. “Do you not want me to come? Do you have a better idea?”

“No, I don't want you to come!”

Ouch.

Something must have shown on my face because Nat stepped closer, instantly sending my heart rabbiting. “I don’t want you to come because you’re at much higher risk of dying on this mission than I am. I am a government agent, we both know even high born as you are, your risk as a half blood is much higher.”

Yes, thanks for reminding me, but I couldn’t be cross with her because she didn’t want me to die. She cared! “We don’t really have a choice though”, and if it was between my life and her life, I’d always make sure she got out. “You can’t go down there alone.”

She didn’t look happy at all. “If this mission wasn’t so time sensitive I’d say we go and test the prototype.”

“If it doesn’t work, we’re not any smarter in the first place.”

She sighed. “Yeah, I suppose.”

I held out my hand. “Give me the prototype.”

She reached into the pocket of her cargo pants and pulled out a tablet. It wasn’t as sleek as most modern devices. It was a lot thicker, with as sturdy frame that had warding runes scratched into it. “Huh”, I examined the piece of technology and magic closer. The magic hovered over it, causing a very light shield but the thick frame kept it from messing with the technology inside. Or so I presumed. It was kind of smart. The big question was just if the shield was strong enough to work against the pure magic of the fairy hills.

“What?” Nat asked.

“This is kinda smart.”

She levelled me with a look. “Kinda? You’re calling the smartest minds at SHIELD kinda smart?”

“If it works, I’ll call them brilliant”, I bared my teeth in a fake smile, “but until then, kinda.”

Nat snorted. “Give me that back.”

“Who did the warding?”

“That’s classified.”

“I think I should know considering my life depends on the warding working”, and the runes were exquisite.

Nat scowled. “That’s not how this works and you wouldn’t know them.”

I held her gaze without moving.

“Kasriel.”

I didn’t change.

“Kas, just staring at me won’t change anything.”

I kept staring.

Nat muttered in angry russian. “It’s a halfblood witch.”

She was working together with another halfblood?! Wait, was I jealous?! Okay, problem for another day. “What’s their name?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I know a lot of the halfbloods and those runes are exquisite”, also half blood witches were rare.

Nat considered me, but then sighed. In a battle of wills apparently I won or maybe she really wanted to get this mission done. “Damira Storms.”

I scrunched up my nose. “Didn’t know she worked with SHIELD. She had some very choice words to say to me last time she heard I took your blood money.”

Natasha shrugged. “I think she’s the crazy scientist type who wants to know if it is possible.”

“Yes, if it is possible, she’s going to cause a lot of trouble”, I tilted my head. “Or she’ll be executed for making it possible.”

“See, that’s why I shouldn’t have told you!”

“Do you think I’d rat her out?” I all but snarled.

“Wouldn’t you for the right price?”

An ugly snarl pulled at my lips. “No, I wouldn’t. I would only call for her death if her actions started a new blood war or she directly harmed innocents.”

Natasha opened her mouth, something softer shimmering in her moss green eyes.

I opened the door to the basement. “Let us go”, I marched down the stairs.

Natasha sighed behind me.

I was quietly fuming. If I had dropped my glamour my cat ears would have been pinned and my tail furiously lashing. I was glad I only had to keep my face icy and didn’t worry about my other body parts betraying my emotional state. I always had Nat’s back, I had never betrayed her. Hell, I had gone far beyond what my contracts required for her and she still thought I’d sell her out? Or something she told me in confidence? She thought like that off me? Cool, cool, put everything else so far in perspective.

I walked into the pitch black basement and turned on the crystals with a wave of my hand.

Natasha followed quietly and stopped outside the portal circle. She knew how this worked by now and took the candle I gave her without comment.

I lit all the candles the old fashioned way with a lighter, hers last. I stepped inside the circle and dropped my glamour. I needed the extra energy to open the circle. I let out a long breath and closed my eyes, honing into the magic around me. The fire flickered. I dribbled a bit of water on the bare earth of the basement. The entire room quivered.

I let my magic slip in the cracks between the worlds. Human, fae and everything else that existed out there. The doors between the worlds opened. Countless possibilities. Realms even I had never visited. I held out my hand for Nat. She took it and stepped into the circle with me. We had done this so often by now the magic didn’t even quiver. She was practically a part of it.

I pulled us backwards. Magically rather than physically. It felt like I was falling somewhere deep down. Like Gandalf in Moria. Everything turned pitch black.

#schreiber schreibt #schreibers fanfiction #natasha romanoff #ask box #natasha romanoff x oc #fanfiction

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moonsmaxxing · 6 months ago

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☆★ pinned ★☆

☆★ about me ★☆

hi! i'm moon/maya/maddox and this is my kin blog (my main is @new--moons). my kin identity is a little bit complex as i'm technically a fictive, but for all intents and purposes i'm kin with moon from wings of fire, and kind of clearsight in a weird confusing way i try not to think too hard about because it has absolutely fried my brain in the past. i also have a few warriors kins, and i may end up posting about that here occasionally, but for the foreseeable future it's a wings of fire kin blog. (you can read my full kin list here.)

i have two different timelines as moon, both of which are very canon-divergent. the important thing about both is that i was raised for the most part on the volcano. while on the volcano, because of my powers, i participated in a lot of things i'm not proud of, interrogations and torture and the like. it wasn't really my choice, and i didn't do everything that was asked of me, but i did do a lot of it. i feel that it's important to mention that here, both as context for my posts going forward and so anyone who might feel uncomfortable with nightwings because of what they did knows i'm not an exception just because my source character was. (there's a longer post sort of roughly outlining both timelines here, if you're curious.)

currently, i plan on mostly posting general thoughts and recollections and maybe a few jokes and memes here and there. i may post more personal memories in the future, but i'm a kind of private person by nature. that said, the point of this blog is partially to force myself to open up some, so i don't mind questions or anything, i just might not want to answer.

i'm not sure where else to put this, but: i write image descriptions any time i post pictures online to make them more accessible, and i'll try to make sure there's a description for any image i reblog. that said, any post with undescribed images will be tagged as "no id". please let me know if there's a better tag, by the way, i've been on and off tumblr for so long that i lose track.

☆★ boundaries ★☆

i do more or less consider myself a nightwing, and am comfortable being referred to as such on this blog. i am not comfortable being referred to with moon's full name under any circumstances. i am definitely not comfortable being referred to as clearsight without explicit permission. you can call me a fictive if it's relevant, but otherwise, i'd prefer to be referred to as kin. (more boundary info here, with a tl;dr if you need it.)

i'm not actively seeking sourcemates, but haven't ruled it out, and would be open to chatting with anyone who comes from a similar timeline, both out of curiosity and because frankly i owe a few dragons apologies for being, just, the hugest bitch. truly unparalleled.

i'm totally okay with doubles, but would prefer that you not joke too much about us being doubles unless i know you well. i don't feel the need to block anyone from interacting based on their kins, but i'd appreciate if any morrowseer keeps their distance- you can interact, just don't get too familiar.

i don't have a specific dni, but i will block people who i catch being bigots or assholes. this includes being racist, islamophobic, antisemitic, zionist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, and so on. i'll also block anyone i see promoting things like pedophilia or zoophilia, participating in harrassment or doxxing campaigns, or outright evangelizing.

i'll also block people who try to dictate who can and can't call themselves queer, plural, or kin without a very compelling reason (see above), but i'm not planning on scouring the blog of everyone who even likes one of my posts because i know i wouldn't be able to catch everything even if i did have the time or energy. (to be as clear as possible, this is an endogenic-safe blog.)

if you aren't kin, a fictive, or similar (it's up to you how you define that), it's okay to interact with my posts, but please be mindful of the fact that they're not really for you. for my part, i'll try to tag properly to avoid breaching containment, but this isn't a fan blog and i'd prefer you not treat it as such.

i don't plan on posting anything nsfw, and would say this is generally a 13+ blog in keeping with tumblr's terms of service, but i would also urge minors to use discretion when it comes to any blog they interact with, especially kin blogs. i was very young on the internet once and i did a lot of very stupid things, and i get it, but seriously why are you people trying to find canonmates at like 14-15 years old, i don't think you grasp the potential consequences of putting incredibly personal details about your canons on the internet. please take a moment to consider how this information can be used against you, especially if it's a part of your spiritual beliefs. be safe !

☆★ content warning ★☆

i don't plan on posting about anything super sensitive in detail at all, but i'll likely mention torture, death, child abuse, and injury in my posts. i'll update this section if anything changes and add content warnings to the beginnings of any posts that will be under a readmore and add a tag to any that won't.

(note: i think it's important to talk about death, and as such i typically don't use euphemisms, aside from sometimes using "passed away" when it feels appropriate. this is non-negotiable.)

i also might post about drugs or while high because i use marijuana both recreationally and medically (it's complicated) and occasionally have weird kin breakthroughs while i'm high off my ass. i'll tag "drug mention" if you want to block out these posts.

anything that stands out to me will be tagged as "cw topic mention" or "cw topic," and please let me know if you think i've missed something!

☆★ credits ★☆

header image - nasa's james webb space telescope

profile picture - pinterest user tallstick

☆★ other links ★☆

tags

#navigation #wings of fire kin #wof kin #wings of fire fictive #wof fictive #i honestly might remove those tags i'm anxious as fuck and have no idea what i'm doing

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enlighten3d · 9 months ago

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fuck this, i have more thoughts abt buttercups eva au!

(if this is your first time seeing buttercups eva au: its an au where grian, mumbo, and scar are pilots of evangelions. like, from neon genesis evangelion. i dont think much knowledge of eva is required, but im prolly wrong shfjfj. other things abt this au can be found in the #buttercups eva au tag.)

character backstories! made this up while trying to sleep last night . this is scars, ill write grian and mumbos later

reminder that im kinda partially saying 'fuck the lore of eva' bcs i literally watched this thing two days ago and it does not make sense to me but i like the Vibes. also am maayyybeee??? calling the angels watchers in this au.

so, scar goodtimes: (this is more of a character profile... a rly rambly one.)

his parents were... killed, and he is under suspicion for being the one to do it. i am unsure whether or not he actually killed them, but the alternative is that they killed themselves and then he got blamed for it. whatever. he doesnt particularly care that they died; they were assholes. so hes on the run, hopping countries whenever he can. he tries to stay in places the longest he can, but he can never stay too long as it gets unsafe + he gets paranoid. also he pissed off a SHITTON of people during his travels so hes also hiding from them. at some point tho he gets weary of always running, despite being scared of stopping, he says fuck it and tries to settle down someplace, even just for a bit. probably fuckin... germany or something? he IS technically supposed to be the asuka of this au.

so he settles down in say, gemany. tricks the government into giving him a new identity via the loophole of him being born right after the second impact, when the world was in SHAMBLES. he says that he never like, officially registered in the government databases due to the disarray and is only coming forth about it now. the government is like 'okay sus but sure'. mooostly cause hes a viable eva pilot i think. anygays he gets an identity, goes to school, is very Normal, but then he gets approached like 'hey do you want to pilot a giant mech? okay great you have no choice'. he wouldnt have said no either way; nerv being a government facility means that its safe. besides, hes curious.

so he becomes the second child, the pilot of eva unit02. he doesnt find it particularly great but its fine enough. he likes feeling like he actually has power for once in his life. he knows he doesnt, not really, but what matters is the feeling of it when it comes to these things, isnt it?

and if youre going like 'lime, his parents being mysteriously killed and him being on the run is a rly flimsy backstory', my answer to that is that i KNOW. but this is silly au and i can do what i want. all of this is subject to change hjksdfsnamd

also hes trans (because i said so). when he got a legal identity, they were like 'we are not going to call you scar'and he was like 'boo'. and then still went by scar.

hes been in a LOT of countries over the course of the course of his life, which means that hes picked up quite a few other languages. how can he trick convince people into letting him hitch a ride if they dont understand him! so hes a polyglot but like, a really bad one if that makes sense fsjdkfnds. id say hes fluent in english, german, japanese, which are the obligatory languages for this, but im sure he knows several more, even if hes not necessarily fluent.

his whole life, especially while his parents were alive but even after that, hes been told that hes worthless and that he wont ever really accomplish anything. how could anyone like him ever do anything with their life? so yeah, spite. hes decided that no, theyre wrong. even though hes never been in one consistent place for most of his life, hes always been determined to somehow prove them wrong. so that definitely plays into being one of the first eva pilots beside the whole safety thing.

hes... determined. but hes never had many close relationships, having always left before anything true could bloom (boom, the whole being on the run thing is a metaphor now as well cause hes running from himself too haha). he puts up a confident façade to hide the fact that he very much does not know what hes doing. hes trying to prove people wrong, that hes better than what they say, but he usually always leaves before he can do that, afraid of actually doing it. here, hes forced to actually stay. so even if he doesnt particularly want to (he does, he just doesnt want to acknowldge it because surely hes better than personal connections? surely theyre a weakness?), he becomes close friends with grian and mumbo and learns that yeah maybe he doesnt have to run. maybe he can stay put.

and thats it mostly!

hope this makes sense, thank you so much for reading! if you have any questions or thoughts abt this au, shoot them in my askbox. this is a very very unplanned au, so anth is appreciated. Ɛ>

#tw suicide mention #buttercups eva au #goodtimeswithscar #hermitblr #evangelion #hermitcraft #hermitcraft au #gtws

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radexchangeprogram · 4 years ago

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This is a random one but can I request head cannons of the Brothers and Dateables reacting to an MC that’s actually a half demon but was really great at hiding her demon side since she grew up in the human world? They see a demon man just bounding towards MC before the boys could do anything MC’s like “DAD! 😃” before jumping in his arms like a child. Around her Dad she gains fangs and horns like him but she reverts back to normal when she wants to. The boys are like “Why didn’t you say anything?” And she’s like “I’m just used to my human side” or “You never asked 🤷🏾‍♀️”

Of course! I love this idea. I didn’t get a chance to proof read this so I apologize for any grammatical mistakes.

Author’s notes at the end (marked by *s)

Spoiler warning for up to chapter 17 to be safe. Especially with Belphie.

Half Demon GN!MC Headcanons

General

Everyone noticed that you never seemed too bothered by the fact that you were surrounded by demons, but figured you were just rather good at adapting.

This theory was proven wrong at a party Lord Diavolo hosted.

As you chatted with the brothers, a large demon with griffon wings, a lion’s mane, and horns similar to a gazelle began to head in the direction of your group.

The demon, who the others instantly recognized as Duke Vapula, walked up to them with a cheeky grin.

The brothers were instantly on guard, Mammon even growling slightly, as it was extremely uncommon for anyone to approach them so casually.

Diavolo, Barbatos, Simeon, Luke, and Solomon all took notice and were prepared to intervine should something happen.

You turned around to see what the issue was and let out a loud gasp.

“DAD!”

Lucifer

Absolutely dumbfounded. How did he not know about this? He read your files to the point of practically memorizing them before you came here and he swears there was nothing about you being a half demon.

He was honestly a bit embarrassed that he didn’t know about something this major.

When confronting you, all you did was say that it wasn’t that big of a deal and that you figured they already knew.

You really give him a migraine sometimes.

He feels a bit relieved that he doesn’t have to worry as much about you dying, though.

If you wish, he may start teaching you demonic etiquette, such as having you shift form at formal events.

If you prefer your human heritage, he won’t pressure you to conform to your demonic ancestory.

Mammon

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN HIS HUMAN ISN’T ENTIRELY HUMAN?!?

The loudest about his displeasure about not knowing.

“I’m your first man! I’m supposed to know everything about you!”

When you explain to him that you’re more comfortable with your human half, he calms down a little.

Tries to call you ‘stupid half-demon’ but it doesn’t feel the same as ‘stupid human’ :(

You tell him he can just keep calling you ‘stupid human’ :D

Wonders if he can get your dad to pay him for ‘providing his child with such incredible protection’.

You immediately tell him no.

Leviathan

Holy shit this sounds like something straight out of an anime!!!

Very upset that you didn’t tell him, you’re his Henry! You’re supposed to tell him these kind of things!

When you shrug and simply say that no one asked, he gets even more pouty.

You make up with him quickly by offering to play games with him all night.

Extremely curious about your demonic form for the primary purpose of cosplay. Do you know how many more characters you can be if you have a tail or wings?!?

You might inspire some fanfiction. (half demon Henry x Lord of Shadows au slow burn 100k words, def not Leviathan projecting no not at all-)

Satan

He is extremely shocked. Not only did he have no idea, but half demons are extremely rare.

From what he’s read, most half-human half-demon offspring don’t survive past birth and all documented cases that have survived reside in the Devildom so that their powers can be better managed.

He asks you about this and you reply that you’re actually quite good at controlling your powers, but that you prefer living as a normal human.

He’s not upset that you didn’t tell him, but he has a billion questions.

How long is your lifespan? Do you take more after your demonic father or your human mother in terms of power?What are your weaknesses?

He really wants to learn more about human-demon hybrids and will ask you to help in his studies.

Also a bit excited as your father is well known for some for his knowledge and writing about the sciences. He wants to discuss some of it with you, assuming you’ve read what your father has written.*

Asmodeus

Oh he is so excited.

A bit relieved that his charm isn’t wearing off, it just doesn’t work because you’re the child of a demonic duke!

You know those boiling hot springs he talks about visiting? Well he’s happy to learn that you actually can join him without fear of your skin melting off!

He’s not upset that you didn’t tell him, getting mad over stuff like that can cause wrinkles.

He will absolutely want to help you groom your horns/wings/scales/tail.

He already has shown you a lot about demonic fashion trends, such as extra clothing that can be fitted around demonic extremities, but now he actually can actually have you try on some! Do you prefer gold tail bangles or jeweled horn cuffs?

Beelzebub

Relieved that Duke Vapula wasn’t looking for a fight.

He can’t help but smile a little when you hug your dad. It makes him happy that you love your family.

When you blush and tell him that it just slipped your mind to tell everyone about your heritage, he isn’t upset.

Happy that he doesn’t have to be so scared of accidentally hurting you with how strong he is.

If you’re able to safely eat some more demonic food, he will absolutely get you to try some of his favorite foods that normal humans would die upon eating.

Overall, you’re still the MC he has grown to love and doesn’t treat you too differently.

Belphegor

Is now more awake than he has been the entire evening.

Half demon? Nah this is just some dream.

Is understanding when you explain to him that you prefer being human and living as a human.

He’s happy he found out after making amends with you. He used to despise half-demons just as much as normal humans, seeing them as repulsive.

He still very much treats you the same, but is a bit annoyed with his brothers.

With knowledge of your demonic blood coming to light, they drag you out even more often and naps with you are becoming rarer.

If you get too overwhelmed with his brothers constantly wanting to try things they thought would previously kill you, he will be more than happy to lend you some of his hiding spots. He does charge the small fee of getting to take a nap with you though.

Diavolo

Similar to Lucifer, is shocked that he didn’t know before you came to the Devildom.

You aren’t the first half-demon he’s met, but he is surprised that a demon of Duke Vapula’s rank had a child with a human.

He’s actually very excited to learn that you’re a half-demon who is in more in touch with your human side. He feels a lot more relieved that you aren’t as defenseless as previously thought.

He does, however, make absolute sure that you have full control over your demonic powers. Every other half-demon lives in the Devildom for a reason and he can’t have someone who is technically one of his subjects accidentally cause mass destruction.

He invites you for tea more frequently, asking so many questions about how being raised in the human world as a half-demon was.

He likes to exchange stories with you about your younger years and the power fluxes you both struggled with as you grew.

Tells you that should you ever wish to live in the Devildom that he would be more than happy to make the needed arrangements.

Barbatos

He knew the whole time. When Diavolo asked him to look into the success of the program, he made note of your heritage right away.

However, he decided that keeping this information hidden when he saw that you were raised human and preferred to be seen as human.

When he explains this to everyone, you can’t help but feel thankful.

While some of the others make no effort to hide how annoyed this makes them, he doesn’t mind. He knows he made the right choice keeping this from everyone and doesn’t regret it at all.

Barbatos is actually a pretty good friend of your father’s and grew up with him. He actually met you when you were a baby because of this.*

Solomon

He has seen a lot in his years in the world of magic, but nothing like this.

Usually, half-demons were very easy to spot as they struggled to control their powers, but you practically had it down to an art!

You explain to him that you’re actually pretty good at keeping your powers under control. He’s rather impressed by this and will ask to see your spell work.

Thinks it’s a little funny that he has a pact with your dad.*

Like Satan, he wants to know all about you. Unlike Satan, he is going to actually conduct experiments instead of stick to interviews.

He has a new potion that he wants you to try almost every day now.

Can half-demons make pacts? If so, you have now been added to the list of demonic beings he wants to make a pact with.

Simeon

Very surprised considering he’s blessed you before.

Blessings aren’t supposed to work on anything of demonic nature so he’s baffled.

When you explain to him that you were raised human and prefer to live as human, he smiles.

He comes to the conclusion that you being a good person must be greater than the demonic blood in your veins.

He treats you the same overall, knowing that you’re still you no matter your heritage.

Luke

Absolute denial.

There is no way someone as nice as you is part demon! He refuses to believe it!

Gets upset and accuses you of trying to manipulate him, which you quickly deny.

When you explain to him that you prefer being human, he huffs.

Simeon gives him a bit of a talking to, about how you’re still the same MC who he sees as a big sibling.

He bakes you some apology cupcakes for being rude to you.

You sometimes shift form to mess around with him, it never fails to make him let out a shocked yelp before he snaps at you for picking on him.

Everyone (except Luke) thinks it’s funny tbh.

Author’s Notes:

*Duke Vapula is described as being able to bestow knowledge about all science contained in books.

*Barbatos is also a duke in The Goetia. I thought a fun nod to this would be to have them as friends.

*The Goetia talks about the 72 demons that King Solomon evoked. Vapula is one of the demons that he evoked. The game actually references this by talking about his 72 pacts. Asmodeus and Barbatos are both included in the 72 demons which is why he has pacts with both of them in the game :)

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shadowfae · 3 years ago

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Genuine question - I'm curious to know what you mean by most of what you hear now "isn't fictionkin." Do you mean it in the way that most people who say they are fickin are actually just kff/DA? Or do you mean it more in the respect that most of what fickin are describing as experiences don't line up with actually being fickin? If it is the latter, can you give an example of what you mean?- because I want to actually understand your viewpoint.

I've been in otherkin community for a while, but I'm coming to terms with being a baby fictionkin and want to understand more.

I'm gonna start off the bat by saying I barely know what the hell KFF are talking about with delusional attachments, because every description they have of it sounds like endelity and by extension psychological fictionkin to me. It also reeks of "the only way you can be fictionkin is if you're secretly A Crazy who needs to be locked up" and that absolutely does not sit right with me. Endels and psychological fictionkin are fine and amazing in my book, but it really sounds like this is something that cuts deep and disrespects them something major, and I can't say I approve of it.

I do mostly mean that KFF describe themselves as fictionkin when they're distinctly describing something else. I think what was the best explanation I found of them is a type of role play you usually do as a youngish teenager (note the space between role and play here), where you project your identity onto a role, stereotype, or character in order to feel out what you are, and discard it the moment it's unnecessary.

I did that as a young teenager, had a whole shtick about making a dragonwolf pack with some friends out on a camping trip, wrote myself as a self-insert into lots of stories feeling it all out. But while it was both introspectional and shallow, it was not otherkin to do that, it was not even close. It was a natural part of growing up in a human body, that everyone does, that is a part of being aware that you have an identity and not everyone is exactly the same as you.

It's fine to do that, but it isn't otherkin - it may be argued to be a form of otherlinking, but I would argue it isn't even that, because linktypes go down to the bone just as often as kintypes do, and the form of role play that KFF seems to be most certainly isn't that.

Now, there are folks who chose linktypes and later find that they can't put it down again. Technically, I did that with my Ranisson kintype, got myself tangled up in a hivemind and then decided I didn't want to leave it, even after it left me. Like a transformation potion - you choose once, and never again. You put yourself on the path, and you never get to come off it again.

That's valid, and a form of otherkin, and not what I'm talking about.

I am absolutely talking about the implication that being a bad person by having it as a kintype makes you someone who should be jailed, regardless of your current actions. I am talking about the implication that by not being sanitized and pretty and perfect and flawless that you're inherently lesser. I am talking about the fact that I don't get to talk about being a Devil, that I don't get to tell y'all about the deeply fucked-up and horrific relationship I had with the Princess that affects me to this day in ways that profoundly change the way I think; that I can't let South or Goni talk about their experiences because the current fictionkin community would run away screaming.

Goni's got an essay in the works hesitantly titled "10 Things to Learn as a Pisces Saint Apprentice" and he wants to make it halfway poetry about the trauma he faced growing up. About being a living bioweapon, torn between flower and fish, about being isolated and forced to kill anyone who comes near you without any choice in the matter on your own.

He doesn't get to talk about the kind of person it made him. Because gods fucking forbid his coping mechanisms and recovery be messy.

South hasn't decided to write any essays so far. He likes to keep people guessing. But his story's not a kind one, and the two best things he can say about his life is that he was free, for a little while, and his sister who he loves more than godhood once pulled him out of the grave to keep fighting. He's known gods better than anyone but me has.

He's one mortal shapechanger with a taste for blood and the seething desire to prove himself. He doesn't get to, because he's too honest. Because he scares people. Because everyone shies away from violence and sex when it's not dressed up in candy-cane frills.

For their sake, if not for mine, I wish I could believe the community wants to hear about that, wants to talk about that. But no. No, we don't get to. Because none of us were heroes. We were, are, villains and antagonists and monsters all.

We don't want to pretend that things were and are less brutal than they are, less serious, less deserving of respect. But in order to exist and talk about ourselves, we have to tame ourselves down and make it sound nicer.

While typing this out, you almost got South offhandedly talking about one of his many, many atrocities. I cut that out, because I doubt folks have the stomach for the vivid picture of gore he paints. That's the problem. That nothing we are is appropriate for the spaces that I grew up in, that was acceptable and encouraged before.

I see spirits who wouldn't know our brands of magic if they were hit in the face with them, and can't describe it other than feeling a little lightheaded. I see people who say they lived through war, but don't seem to understand the feeling of raw loss at being dragged out of the grave after a failed mission to know you were the only survivor. People who say they get feeling ghostly and psychopompous, but don't understand or appreciate decay that isn't pretty and sanitized and are perfectly happy to get into arguments every week over petty nonsense for the adrenaline rush.

I really, really wish I could say that I see these people and can accept that there's more going on that I'm not seeing. But when all I can see for miles is pretty and sanitized talk about being a little lightheaded and that means you're not human, it's not hard to come to the conclusion that either I am seriously out of the loop, or we're not talking about the same thing at all.

I'm still trying to figure out which one it is. I don't want to say "everyone has to talk about their deep pains and feelings", but I don't think "so nobody should and it's somehow traumadumping to be anything other than pretty and perfect material to consume without thinking about" is an acceptable alternative.

I don't know. I wish I did.

#asks #anonymous #not sure where I was going with this honestly #fuck maybe I am in the wrong and maybe I'm not #I just don't know

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felassan · 4 years ago

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Jon Renish (Foundation Technical Director @ BioWare, working on DA4) recently did a Twitch stream where he played through some DAO. Although he works on DA, this is his first time playing through DAO. He’s playing through it looking at random details from a dev perspective as he’s currently working on DA4 and therefore wants to know more about the previous games.

On the stream he mentioned some tidbits on the development of DA4. There were also some insights and anecdotes about the development of DAO and similar. It’s a 3 hour stream so I collected them here in case that’s of use to anyone (for example not everyone can watch streams which don’t have subtitles/captions). The stream is a fun/interesting watch though, so if you’re curious or able to watch I recc doing so. 😊 The rest of this post is under a cut for length.

Please note that there’s some paraphrasing on my part, this is not a transcript. There are also some additions from another dev who featured on the stream to give some commentary. The stream also contains more snippets that at times I couldn’t make out (I tried my best!).

(There is a mention of Cullen’s VA in the text below.)

DA4

Jon said he can talk about things about DA4 that aren’t “consumer-facing”, but he can’t say anything about the game that would be consumer-facing but which isn’t already publicly available. There are several reasons for this. One, that’s not his job, there are people whose job this is and they let each other do their respective roles. Two, BW are a publicly-traded company, so if he said something that could affect that that would be insider trading. Three, they’re not done making DA4 yet, so if he said that they have added [x] to the game and people got all excited about that or pre-ordered on that basis, but [x] ended up being cut, people would be like ‘BioWare lied to us’, when it’s just that things changed during the course of development, as is often the case

He’s glad that fans are excited for the game but notes that fan expectations are always double-edged. It can be really tough as some people started ‘playing’ the game in their heads as soon as they heard of it. That’s fine, he loves that, but he hopes that peoples’ expectations don’t turn into requirements. Clearly BW have alluded to certain characters, like Solas, being in the game, but some fans say things like “If [say] Morrigan isn’t in the game, then, rahhh!” Y’know, there’s a lot of talk about how certain characters have to be in the game, and yeah.

On characters which are quantum (i.e. characters which can die or which can have similar end-states as death in previous games): their being quantum makes it really hard for the devs to work with those characters in subsequent games. The devs naturally aren’t going to put as much effort into characters which could have died previously. A character can have had an amazing appearance throughout/role in a previous game, but if there is a risk of something happening to them and of them being removed [effectively] from the plot, it just doesn’t make sense to have them as a major character in a subsequent game. If a character can, say, sacrifice themselves in some glorious ending, the devs have to make sure that if they use them again, in worldstates where the character didn’t do that, the character is kind of ‘muted’, as the devs don’t want to disrespect the players who made a different choice

A comment in chat expressed a wish for Shale in DA4. Jon’s response is that he has no idea on that front

Bugs don’t come out of crunch, they come out of development in general. Crunch does impact on the quality of a game though. In recent years BW are always really trying to reduce crunch, they’re currently working really hard to bring it down. The best way of doing that is by controlling scope. As creatives it’s tough to balance wanting to make great stuff and be industry-leading with the desire to constantly do extra passes over things they’ve created like the audio, art etc. Their biggest enemy is time, other ways of reducing crunch or time spent in general include iterating tools to make often-repeated processes as time-efficient as possible

I think the following was an observation on the industry in general as opposed to a BW-specific/-exclusive comment: he thinks that as a result of this sort of thing [working to reduce crunch], a lot of games are going to have to be smaller and a lot more focused in scope i.e. the devs will have to focus on hitting the key selling points of that particular game/series as hard as they can, and cut down on branching out sideways/wide on a bunch of random other stuff

Jon doesn’t personally engage in character creators in games, but he knows that for some players that expression is worth a lot of time and focus. BW want to be industry-leading in this kind of stuff as it’s something which is interesting/key/integral to their games

In a way BW have made their own nest of problems what with every DA game being so different to the previous one. Still, he notes that each game has a staunch fanbase that says that their particular favorite game is the best one in the series

He doesn’t want people who think that DA4 isn’t what they want to buy it and be upset - there are so many other great games out there! BW are going to make the game they’re going to make - if some people like it, that’s great, and if some people don’t, that’s cool. Sometimes waiting until reviews are out and/or really seeing beforehand if a game is something that you want [has things/features in it that you want] prior to getting it - as opposed to jumping right in or pre-ordering - is a good idea. Fans don’t always know what they want, but they do know what they like - these are 2 different things

He hopes that whatever they ship for DA4, people go “I enjoyed this experience”, and that then, if there’s additional content for it down the road, people can decide, “do I want this further content?”

On hair: BW are using the new hair technology in the latest version of the Frostbite engine, so they’ll see what they can do! This was said in response to a comment about the hair in the latest FIFA games (as EA make FIFA)

A comment in chat asked about a flying mechanic (griffons). Jon’s response is that flying is such a heavy gameplay mechanic that you can’t put it in a game without everything in the game being built about it (see Anthem)

Relating to the above comment, in DA4 mounted combat would be cool but then they’d have to make the game ‘around’ mounted combat and make the mounted combat feature meaningful

On the underwater concept art: it should not be interpreted as a promise of gameplay. BW have amazing artists who sit down for a couple weeks while they’re in early production and just draw loads and loads of all kinds of stuff. Concept art is like a moodboard or Pinterest board. Elsewhere in the stream he advised, take all the concept art together like a mosaic and ask, ‘what is the overall theme[s] here?’, and to zoom out from individual details. [This stuff echoes PW’s word on concept art]

BW don’t generally write things or the choices as bleak as the choices in DAO were anymore. This is a conscious choice on their part, they want their game to be fun [note: this was said when the side quest in Orzammar where the Warden has the option of convincing a dwarven mother to abandon her young baby to die was being played through. It seems to refer to intensively grimdark choices/beats of this kind]

I think this was more of a general comment on games: SSDs (solid state drives) mean that players will see shorter elevator rides (Mass Effect - was this a reference to the remaster?) and fewer switchback corridors (those are actually loading zones). Generally, these are going to change mechanically the time it takes to do stuff in games

The devs have lots of features on their backlog that they’d like to offer players but each will ofc involve implementation and subsequent maintenance, and each one that is chosen to add is being chosen over something else. And sometimes, it’s hard for them to tell if [x] feature or [y] feature would be better to add to the game

They’re about to work on a giant feature (a pure tooling feature, something that isn’t consumer-facing) that is probably going to take ~2 staff years of effort [I think “staff effort” includes multiple staff working concurrently, so 2 years of staff effort doesn’t = 2 years of time chronologically] to get done in the next few months. They’re investing all this effort across the people working on it because they don’t want their artists and designers etc to have to deal with the problem that it’s going to solve anymore. I’m not sure what this feature is but elsewhere in the stream they referred to tooling and automation and gave the example of, the better your tooling is, the fewer times you have to manually set the camera for a human vs elf vs dwarf position, for dynamically-generated [cinematic?] content and for the first pass to be automated (if this is the case, less time is spent/wasted on redoing it and manually touching it up) [see last bullet point in this section]

He doesn’t know how big DA4 is going to be but said “let’s ballpark and say like most games it’ll be somewhere between 70 and 100 GB”

If we kept our Wardens as the PC throughout all 3 games, at the end they would be so powerful that it’d be a bit like “Let’s just do [thing], I’ve killed gods before, whatever”. He thinks it’s good that they have fresh characters each time in DA in order to reset that power level. Some people want more Commander Shepard in the next Mass Effect and he feels like, ‘what else could you possibly want / what else could that character possibly do after 3 games?’

When asked how much freedom he/they have now to focus on next gen, he said that there’s actually almost no difference on that front. The problems never change. They now have better renderers, better ray-tracing, better graphics cards etc, but they have always made DA games for high- and low-spec PCs, so it’s actually about gameplay systems. The freedom isn’t power-based and them getting access to more cores and more RAM generally isn’t going to change how the games are played. The games still have to be made for hard drives on PC. Dev creativity matters more than power here. The challenge of building a BW game is more about/from managing loads of different plotstates, loads of different art pieces, etc

On the title situation (two): names are the last thing they worry about because names have to go through legal before being approved. Every name, including character names, has to be checked in case it’s a famous person, or associated with something bad, or offensive in a different language due to localization etc

They don’t do face scans of people with big beards

There was also a bit about changes/developments to/in the cinematic design process and associated tooling [?] but I found it too hard to follow sorry >< This bit of commentary begins at timestamp ~ 1:52:45 and continues til ~ 2:00:05 [keep listening through the bit where they pause for a cutscene]

General BW

There’s currently ~350 staff in Edmonton, ~200 in Austin and more elsewhere

He notes that DA games sell pretty well, but relative to EA games in general, they’re a drop in the bucket compared to FIFA

DAI

5% of players of DAI never created a character [Q: does this refer to people who just used the default appearances/presets with no editing, or people who only played multiplayer?]

The mounts don’t actually go faster than running, this is an illusion

I think they said it has 55,000 lines of dialogue. [I’m pretty sure I remember devs elsewhere saying it has 80,000 lines of dialogue]

One of the companions had to have their name changed during development because of legal/translation reasons. It sounds like the original name sounded too close to something offensive

DA2

Back when DA2 was internally code-named “Nug Storm”: this was at the beginning when it was pitched to the team on a set of slides. The image on the slide for that pitch had devil horns, a metal hand and no flesh, it was just made out of fire and flames

DAO

The engine DAO is made on is the third engine that they tried for it during development. [David Gaider has gone into the DAO engine stuff some on Summerfall’s series of DAO playthrough streams]

The cracks on the cracked eluvian asset are modelled after the crack on the Tardis in Doctor Who from around that time, as at the time some devs had been talking about Doctor Who a lot. A dev actually added this factoid to DAO’s entry on TV Tropes but someone else (evidently not a DA dev) came by and deleted it saying that it was too much of a stretch x)

Before the game had its name there was an HTML script that randomly generated possible titles for consideration, it adds verbs and nouns together e.g. “Grim Dark”. One of the craziest possibilities that it once generated that the devs always remember is "Bone Wind”

One of the portraits that’s used for decoration around the world in-game (it’s of a bearded human man) is actually of a specific BW staff member

He played through Stone Prisoner, where Wilhelm’s son Matthias gives exposition in the cellar. Matthias is voiced by GE and this had been pointed out to Jon earlier on. Jon: “I don’t think that character’s voice acting was super strong there”

On the in-game area towards the end of Stone Prisoner: Outdoor areas in games are large and one of the things needed for them is streaming, so different chunks can be ‘streamed in’. There’s a tower [?], and technically the top of the tower was made an outdoor level so that sky stuff could be there, though it didn’t really need to be. The person that made it an outdoor level chose the very smallest chunk size for the terrain mesh, which determines how fine of a streaming they do. So when playing, every time you moved like 4 meters, the game would stream out 50-100 chunks behind you and the same in front of you (this is the bubble around the player of what actually exists). Because it was so small, it was constantly thrashing the CPU and disc to do all the loading. The devs were like “this isn’t going to work”, but they barely had any time. The solution: they made a new level that was outdoor and copied all the sunlight and other settings, but with the largest chunk size. They copy-pasted the entire level from one to the other. The problem with that many chunks then is that there was a giant expanse of flat terrain sticking out of the middle of the tower. They didn’t know if the story was going to involve shots of the outside of the tower for this sequence or not, so they took the terrain deformation tool and bundled all the terrain vertices at the bottom of the tower in a giant clump. So to this day there’s a mess of vertices and twisted terrain at the bottom of the final level that probably no-one has ever seen [not sure though if this anecdote is in reference to a place in that DLC or somewhere elsewhere in the game?]

There were also some tidbits on Anthem, however I didn’t note them down (sorry).

If you think I misheard or misunderstood anything from this stream please let me know and I will edit/fix it. :)

(Thankyou to some of my friends who explained a tech detail from this to me.)

[source] <-- current rewatch link

#dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #dragon age #bioware #video games #greg ellis mention #morrigan #queen of my heart #solas #mass effect #anthem #next mass effect #i love these factoids and insights into game dev it's so interesting and fun #i actually started this post yesterday but 2 hours in I was so sleepy (it was mad late) so I called it a night

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whatanybodygets · 3 years ago

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may i... ask you some of the ask game questions..? pls pretty pls?

i love adagio more, i think, but i'm very curious about the ~process~ behind roomy. would you, 5, 9 and 11, pls? for me? <3

Ooooh, go on then! (btw thank you for kind words about Adagio - I also love it more, I have such a lot of fun with it and I'm really excited for where it's going to go!) 5. What part was the hardest to write? This is a tough one to answer because, generally speaking, it's all been hard. I suppose from a technical standpoint the biggest challenge has been trying to maintain Kaz as a sympathetic character, particularly in the early part of the story. Because this is 100% Inej's POV (due in no small part to the fact that her head is where I am most comfortable as a writer) we obviously lose any insight into the inner workings of Kaz's mind and the thoughts he has on the situation - and as we know from canon, what Kaz thinks/feels and what Kaz says/does are often extremely different.

The other element of this is that Inej is hurting, and hurting makes you selfish and self-absorbed, and because of this her view of Kaz is VERY biased and, at times, quite unfair. So the challenge was to try and portray this while also doing enough to make it clear that Kaz, while he behaved badly, is not a complete monster and is also deserving of sympathy in this situation. I suppose it's up to you to decide how successful that was!

Thinking about specific scenes, then any of Kaz and Inej's "serious conversations" would qualify. I find dialogue particularly challenging anyway, but again it was finding the balance of trying to portray them as two people who were very angry with each other while never wanting to make it seem like they didn't love each other anymore. So, their conversation after Genna is born, at the end of chapter two, and after the incident with the creek I would say were hardest scenes to write

9. Were there any alternative versions of this fic? There was never an alternative version of this fic, exactly, but I did seriously consider making it a one shot at one stage, where it would have been the first chapter and nothing else. That might have been the better choice but I wanted to continue onto how they would deal with the fallout of that chapter.

Also, although it wasn't an alternative version, this fic was built out of a scene that appears in another fic I wrote 20k words of but will likely never post in its current form. Essentially, Kaz and Inej have a conversation (which is actually referenced in roomy itself) about a possible future and what they would do instead if they decided to leave their lives behind. It's slightly different to what roomy ended up becoming, but it's the basis for all of it. I'll post the scene if anyone is interested.

11. What do you like best about this fic? What I really, really like about roomy is the theme of women helping women that runs through it. I've harped on about this in the comments ad nauseum, but give 👏 Inej 👏 Ghafa 👏 a 👏 female 👏 support 👏 system 👏. Aside from Nina, Inej's most significant relationship - her only relationship - with another woman in soc/ck is with Tante Heleen, the woman who kept her in sexual slavery (I don't count her mother because we never see Mama Ghafa and Inej interact in the present timeline of the story), and I find it hard to believe that she found nourishing friendships with the other girls in the Menagerie. I love Inej's relationship with Kaz, and her friendships with Jesper, Wylan etc but it also felt important to give her those positive female connections, especially when it comes to pregnancy and giving birth and motherhood. This is a story about Inej and Kaz catastrophically fucking up (and being fucked up by) new parenthood but it's also a story about women lifting each other up, and about hope.

#asks #feelinglikecleopatra #fic: roomy

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tyblackthornlovebot · 4 years ago

Text

End Up Here || Reggie Peters x Fem! Reader

Summary: Reggie seems to find you the coolest and most enthralling girl he has ever seen. He wishes he could find the way to your heart. The only problem? He is dead, you’re not.

Pairing: Reggie Peters x Fem! Reader.

Word count: 2k

Warning: None that I can think of. Maybe one mention of them being dead? Reggie being his clumsy cute self.

Requested?: Yes, thanks for requesting! “hey! what about a reggie x fem reader based on that 5sos song, “end up here”? with a fluffly ending if that’s possible? ty!”

A/N: This was my first fic so I hope you enjoy it! If you had something different in mind or want to request anything else, please feel free to do so. I had so much fun and loved writing this one!

Once again Luke and Alex had told him to give up on you, that he had no chance. They didn't want to see how, without even knowing it, you ended up breaking his heart.

Once again Reggie had decided to ignore them and to go see you at high school.

He knew they were only trying to protect him, save him from getting hurt.

He even tried to fight those growing feelings but it didn’t seem to work so he resigned himself.

He was just too fascinated by the way you acted. The way you didn't seem to care what other people thought about you.

Like every morning since they showed up at Julie's garage he watched as the doors of high school opened. And among the crowd of students it wasn’t long until he located you.

At first he went there because he was curious. After so many years without going to high school Reggie wanted to see how everything had changed.

Once he saw you there, so calm, so immersed in your own world, he knew that high school wouldn’t be the only thing that would change for him that day.

From that moment on he discovered that never before, not even in his previous life, had he wanted to attend high school as much as he wanted now.

At the beginning it was nothing more than pure intrigue. Reggie felt attracted to you. There was no doubt you were the type of girl who would catch his attention. So he decided to do some research on his little crush, without telling anyone just yet.

As the days went by he found himself following you to all of your classes. Marveling at the way you didn't seek attention, yet you always managed to catch it.

From the way you walked down the hallway, seemingly without a care in the world, with your headphones on. He wondered what kind of music would you be into.

To the way you always seemed to know the correct answer when asked, despite spending all your time drawing in your notebook. He found it to be so alluring, how clever you were without having to try too hard.

Soon his friends began to notice, seeing how he disappeared daily early in the morning. And how he would come back whenever Julie did.

First they thought that perhaps he was beginning to catch feelings for their mutual friend, the only person that could see them. As they found out later when following him, that wasn’t the case.

They asked him about you, how he felt towards you, what your name was, when did he start going to see you at high school. Endless questions that Reggie was more than willing to answer. A little embarrassed, but excited for being able to finally talk about you with his best friends.

Even if his crush was a little one-sided he thought they would be there to support him, just as he had done many times twenty-five years ago.

Unfortunately for him he soon realized that he wouldn’t have the same luck. Luke and Alex, after listening to him, decided to list each and every reason why continuing to go see you was a terrible idea.

And maybe they were right. They were probably right. But Reggie didn't need anyone to tell him the truth, he needed them to be there for him and for them to be supportive. After all, he was old enough to make his own decisions. If he ended up getting hurt it would be his fault, because he decided so. Not because his friends told him what to do.

That was the reason why he was there once again, sitting on the empty seat behind yours in your mathematics class.

Not that he was too interested on the subject, but he was entertained by watching you draw.

When the bell rang, announcing the end of that class, Reggie said goodbye with a small sigh. He had to leave earlier that day, so he didn’t have time to accompany you to your last class.

He hated having to leave you, even if you weren’t going to notice, but he had to go and get ready. That afternoon Julie would perform a song in front of the whole high school. As her friends they were going to be there to support her.

So this is how he found himself a few hours later, in the high school gym with his bandmates and Julie, watching a group called Dirty Candy perform.

Although he had to admit the choreography was good and the girls were talented, it couldn't be said he was too focused on them. He was busy looking for you.

The whole high school was there, so you must be there too somewhere in the stands.

He only stopped looking for you when he saw the principal begin to give her speech. The stands were completely silent and it was becoming a bit uncomfortable.

The three of them encouraged Julie to go up on stage. They knew this was her chance and they didn't want her to miss it.

Having finished the performances and the speech, Julie took the stage but the students in the audience also began to stand up. The three ghosts encouraged her so she would feel brave enough to start performing.

Luke had been helping her with the song, not wanting him nor Alex to see what both of them were working on. Now Reggie knew why, as he turned around to look at his friend, surprised.

That was a Sunset Curve song with a few piano changes. One they hadn’t released.

Even if you couldn't see him maybe their music would end up making you feel something. That would be much better than nothing, Reggie thought, unable to prevent a huge smile from forming on his lips.

And then, suddenly, there they were. Up on stage with their instruments in their hands.

Reggie couldn't say which of them was more surprised, but he couldn't miss the opportunity. Now that he knew you could see him he had to give his best, play like he had never done before.

He looked for you again in the crowd with his eyes finally falling on you.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw you cheer them on. At that moment he swears he could have started crying but he forced himself to maintain his composure. For the band’s and his image’s sake but also because he didn’t want you to think he was crazy.

On the other hand, you were thinking about how grateful you were that your best friend had convinced you to go with them.

Before that you had come to wonder if it was worth attending, seeing as every year the principal gave the same speech. However that year nothing was the same. One second you were bored to death, wishing you had skipped it as you intended to do at the beginning. The next it seemed like you were in a concert, far away from your high school gym, as you cheered to the rhythm of the music.

Julie and you weren't close friends, but you shared some classes and you got along well enough.

You were surprised and happy to see how she managed to get on that stage, overcoming that fear that until now prevented her from singing.

The fact that she was later joined by three mysterious boys made the performance even better. All three were handsome, that was undeniable. But your gaze was fixed on the boy in the plaid shirt and white t-shirt, unable to tear it away.

There was something alluring about him, in the energy he gave off while playing his bass. And when he approached the boy in the beanie to sing with him, you were amazed. His voice, even if it wasn't as loud as the beanie boy’s, had the same power. A power that seemed not only to affect you, judging by how those who were around you reacted.

Besides, he knew how to connect so well with their public that it made you feel as if his gaze was fixed on you all the time, you thought.

Then suddenly and without warning they disappeared as soon as the song ended.

Seeing how everyone gasped, puzzled, Julie decided to explain the situation. Those boys were holograms and the projector operation involved algorithms and science stuff.

Everyone seemed to agree with that explanation, bored by the technicalities of science. But Julie didn't count on the fact that someone would be very curious about the holograms and how they worked. That someone being you.

“Y/N, we should get going. As amazing as that was, everyone has started to leave.”

“I think I’m going to stay and ask Julie a few questions.” You told your best friend.

“Like, c’mon. There’s a way you can connect with hot musicians and no one is interested in how to do that? Really, just me? Alright, then!” They smiled at your antics, shaking their head.

“You sure?” They asked, to make sure you would be fine going home alone.

“Positive.” You nodded your head, smiling back at them reassuringly.

It took you a couple more minutes, but you finally managed to get them to leave without them feeling guilty. By then the gym was already empty, except for the music teacher and the principal who were talking to Julie.

When they left you realized Flynn was there as well. She approached her best friend with a not so friendly expression. You preferred not to get in the way, stepping aside to give them privacy.

It was hard not to hear their conversation. Thinking that there was no one left in the gym, they didn’t speak in a low tone, and the echo of that place increased the volume of their words. And still, you tried.

You were there when Flynn ran out, therefore when Julie ran after her. And you, without much choice, behind Julie. You would have felt really bad if after that scene you witnessed you hadn't tried to cheer her up. At least you wanted to apologise for overstepping and hearing their conversation. Even if you didn’t do that on purpose.

You also had more questions than ever, that much was clear, but the main thing was to make sure Julie felt better after all that.

Dodging Nick you saw Julie in the distance, entering one of the classrooms.

Accelerating your pace you managed to reach her. She was silent so you took that as the perfect opportunity to ask her if she was doing alright.

But before you could step into the classroom she started screaming, scaring you to death and making you jump.

“You! Stop doing that! I’m serious.” You heard her say. You wondered who she would be talking to. That also made you decide that you wouldn't come out of your hide spot just yet. What if she had found Flynn and you ruined their moment? It would be better not to move, to avoid making any noise.

“Yeah, the whole school saw you. It’s kinda freaking me out.” She kept talking to apparently no one. Most likely with someone who spoke in a low voice, because from your hiding place you couldn’t hear any other voices. At that point you were pretty sure she wasn’t talking to Flynn. But still, you were in a compromising situation. If you came out of hiding, she would think you were spying on her. It would be better to just wait and hope she would end up leaving soon.

“Are you kidding? They loved us. That was a great song, Luke”. That’s when you realized she was talking to her hologram band.

You hoped you weren't interrupting anything important. But Julie seemed to be in a better mood and the facetime conversation you thought she was having could be the perfect ice breaker for your questions. Maybe you could even talk for a bit to the bassist who had caught your eye. It wasn’t every day that you had the opportunity to talk to three Swedish talented musicians.

So you decided to pluck up your courage and entered the classroom.

“Julie…? Who are you talking to?” Reggie heard your voice fill with worry, as your eyes scanned the room. Then he thought about the big mess they were in.

Julie tried to find a reasonable excuse, but you had heard too much. Both at the time and with the conversation she had had with Flynn, to know that she was lying to you.

“I’m sorry, it really isn’t any of my business. Just wanted to make sure you were alright. Had a few questions about that band of yours, as well. But again, none of my business, sorry.” You ended up shrugging your shoulders. Without looking for more answers. After all, it really wasn’t any of your business. And if she had fought her best friend for lying, you wouldn’t be the one to whom she ended up confessing. “But really, you doing alright?” You sounded concerned and they couldn’t help but feel some sympathy for you.

“Julie.” Reggie called her. “Could we… Maybe we can tell her?” He turned around to face his friends, with something that sounded similar to a plea in his voice.

“Dude, she’s so far out of your league.” Luke jokingly told him. “But if it makes you happy I say we tell her. What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“Besides everything, you mean?” Alex asked rhetorically. “But I have the feeling that whatever I say you're not going to listen to me, so…”

Julie was listening to them talk, wondering what was the best decision to make.

As Reggie watched your puzzled face, he thought about the possible questions that might had been going through your mind. What was going on? Why the sudden silence?

“Well, Y/N. I think it’s better that I tell you the truth, seeing the insistence of some.” Finally, Julie decided to speak. You seemed more and more confused, even a little offended by that last comment, but decided to let her finish talking. “Come to my house tomorrow afternoon. I’ll show you what all of this is about.”

Reggie could read the curiosity on your face. After so many days watching you, it wasn’t difficult for him to distinguish your emotions. Although, honestly, he was also curious and really excited to know what Julie had planned.

The next day passed quickly for the phantoms, but not for you.

It was the weekend, so Reggie hadn’t been able to see you yet. He had spent the whole morning rehearsing and doing some breathing exercises. His new friend Google had told him it was a good way to keep calm.

You, on the other hand, were so eager to know the answers to your questions that as soon as the time agreed with Julie arrived you were already knocking on her door. More punctual than ever.

It took her two minutes to open the door for you. Not that Reggie was counting… Well, alright, he was counting. But he was impatient.

Since Julie had told them her idea he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it, about you. He had even dressed up for the occasion, wearing a white t-shirt with the In Utero logo on it. One of his favorites that had been left in Julie’s garage.

He had combined it with his black leather jacket and ripped black pants. Black shoes and his red flannel shirt tied at the waist. His pendant clinking every time he moved, in a rather attractive way.

Julie (and Reggie, even though you couldn't see him) went to greet you at the door, smiling as soon as she saw you. She was a bit nervous, but determined.

“Let's go to the garage, what I want to show you is there.” She told you, impatient to get there. But Reggie couldn't blame her, he was feeling the same or even worse. “But first, do you want something to drink?” The ghost snorted, which earned him a bad look from Julie. He knew it was polite to offer something to your guests, but this wait was going to be the death of him once more.

“Not really, thanks, I'm fine. Nervous, but fine.” You let out a nervous chuckle, which made Reggie look at you enrapturedly. Julie just smiled with amusement, without saying a word to either of you about it.

Then she made you follow her to the garage. You looked around with curiosity, trying to figure out what she would like to show you. There were two pianos and a sofa there. Interesting objects, but still not enough to find out what was going through Julie’s head.

“I know this might sound a little bit crazy, Y/N.” She started. With that she managed to peak your interest, you were all about crazy. “But… you remember those guys that were playing with me yesterday?”

“The cute hologram musicians? Sure.” You nodded your head, while laughing. It was hard to forget them, especially a certain bass player.

"Yes, I suppose I am talking about them." Julie tried to suppress a laugh with your answer, as she watched Reggie's face flush completely, before continuing to speak. "Let's just say they're not exactly holograms. And that… they might be listening to you right now."

Your eyes widened, as you felt a little embarrassed. But immediately curiosity took hold of you and you went back to searching the entire garage, looking for a mobile phone or any reasonable device. Finding nothing, you frowned, confused.

“What do you mean by that, Julie? I can’t find anything and I have been looking since we entered your garage.” Now you were focusing on her. You felt like she was going to tell you everything, whatever that was, and you wanted to be ready.

“They are… ghosts.” She said slowly, trying not to scare you. “They are here, but you can only see them when we play together.”

It sounded like another one of her lies, like the one she had tried to tell you the day before in that classroom. But this one sounded so crazy, you thought it might be fun to go along with it. After all, if she had invited you to go there, it must have been to tell you something important, not to lie to you again. That ghost part could wait, you just wanted some answers.

“So they are musician ghosts?” You asked, still playing along. Julie could tell from your tone that you didn't quite believe it. But it was a matter of time, she thought.

“Well, they say they prefer to be called musician spirits. But technically, yes.” Then she turned to what seemed to be the void and talked. “All right, guys. You ready?”

You stayed silent, staring at her like she had grown a second head.

“Actually, can you sit there? Reggie needs some space to rock out and he feels kinda weird walking through you.” You nodded as you went to sit on the sofa that you had previously spotted, still not saying a word. You were starting to get worried, seeing as she had even named the ghosts. “You must have already noticed that there’s no plug or equipment that will produce a hologram. But you can double check, if you want.”

You shook your head. You didn't need to check anything, there definitely wasn't. But you still weren't sure what Julie’s plan was. So you kept quiet, just focusing on what she was telling you.

“We're going to play Bright one more time. It will be just like in high school, but this time you'll know the truth as well.” Julie was explaining everything to you with a smile, but Reggie thought it wasn't going to be like in high school at all. There they were alone, singing exclusively to you. As he ran his hand through his hair, in a gesture of sheer nervousness, he prayed that everything would go well. “Hope you like it.”

While Julie started to sing and play the piano, Reggie felt as Luke squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. He turned to see Alex, who offered him a small smile. This time he took notice of how his friends supported him and that made him gain a little self-confidence. He was ready.

Y/N had to suppress a scream as the ghosts appeared in front of her with their instruments. Any doubts that she might have had thus far had disappeared with the appearance of the three boys. There was no way to fake that. There was no logical explanation, but there was also no evidence that denied what she was seeing.

It all seemed crazy, just as Julie had told her at the beginning, but she had always wondered what happened after death. Finally accepting that she was surrounded by three ghosts, it was her chance to ask them all the questions she could think of.

Besides, if ghosts were real she could always have had a worse encounter.

But young, talented and handsome musician spirits? It definitely could have been worse.

Once she was no longer frightened, almost halfway through the song, she was able to allow herself to enjoy the melodic voice of the ghost that had caught her attention and admire the delicate way in which he played his bass.

At that moment she decided that ghost or not, she would like to listen to their entire setlist if she continued to see and listen to his voice that way. Besides, she had always loved that style of music.

Reggie approached her, cautiously not to scare her and Y/N greeted him with what she hoped would look like a captivating smile. It seemed to work, as he immediately blushed.

“Hi, I’m Reggie.” He introduced himself with a goofy smile, while failing to look cool. Not that he needed to do so. She already found him adorable and that was way better than looking cool.

“Y/N. Nice to meet you, Reggie.” Reggie loved the way she pronounced his name. An angelic sound to his ears. “Love the shirt, by the way. In Utero, one of their best albums.”

Reggie had to remember not to stop playing and to grip the bass tightly, because he almost dropped it in surprise. Y/N liked Nirvana. Would she loudly snore at night? Would she eat strange food combinations? He wondered. There was no way such a perfect girl could exist.

After that exchange of words the rest of the band introduced themselves. Reggie and her talked until it got dark, while the band kept playing different songs so that she wouldn’t stop seeing him.

It was hard having to say goodbye. In a single afternoon they had both connected with each other as they had never managed to do with anyone else.

Reggie was afraid he would never see her again. Or rather, that she would never see him again. It was on her to decide whether she wanted to or not, and that was what Reggie feared the most.

He had had such an awesome afternoon with her that he hadn't even considered never seeing each other again. But when it was time to say goodbye, all the doubts and insecurities suddenly overwhelmed him. Had she had an afternoon as pleasant as he had? Would she like to see him again?

"See you tomorrow? I'll get my bass. You still have to teach me how to play Livin' On A Prayer, I love that song."

All his doubts were dispelled when she gave him that warm smile, with which only she managed to warm him up inside.

And with that Reggie knew that he would continue to accompany her to class, although this time she would know. And he would send her notes, as he had recently learned to do.

They would also keep organizing small concerts for as long as she wanted, just so they could see each other.

It might not be perfect, nor ideal, but it would be one day. Meanwhile they would figure ways to make it work.

At the moment Reggie was happier than ever. He never imagined that he would end up getting to know the girl of his dreams. Much less that she would also end up being interested in getting to know him.

As he grinned to himself, while walking her home, he couldn’t help himself but wonder: how did we end up here?

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