#also idk if the author will see this but im sorry if this isnt what you envisioned

[s-aprua]

stray cats - erzi

[gibbearish]

idk, its just. like. a person comes up to you with their heart cradled in their hands. says it is broken, says it hurts. places it in your hands, asks you to please make it stop and trusts you to fix it. wouldnt you be scared, too? wouldn't you be haunted by visions of you tripping and shattering it beyond repair, of driving the thing thats hurting them even further down so that maybe no one can ever get it out, of someone in their deepest darkest moment trusting you with their life and you fucking it up? how could that ever feel like anything but defusing a bomb? trust is such a valuable thing, a powerful thing, a delicate thing, and the more you have the more you get given and the more careful you have to be with it because what if someday you drop it and break it and it turns out you never should have been given it in the first place. wouldnt you be scared?

[transmasccofee]

im not joking btw this is literally how i write most characters bc ive noticed that they rarely actually say what i want them to say— what i want from saiki is some kind of deeper emotional honesty with himself, and we get frequent flashes of that but typically hes hidden behind 10000 walls of repression and just shrugging it off

whenever im writing dialogue for saiki what i do is i think of exactly what i’d want him to say if this was a chapter of the manga, and then have him say Not That.

[evereverest2]

Little Monster Q&A + author fun facts !!

hello new followers and fans of Little Monster. first of all, i just have to thank everyone for the crazy support ive been getting as of late. thank you everyone. every like, comment, and reblog just pushes me to keep writing, even when it feels like every word i write is garbage.

so i decided to make this little special! idk if anyone will be super interested, so ill put all the stuff under the cut, but i also wanted to add this little drawing i did of terzomega as like extra content. if you arent interested, thanks anyway and enjoy the art!

—

to everyone who stayed, i have no idea why you’re interested, but thanks lmfao. this shit will be long.

Questions

Is your most recent oneshot about the mirror related at all to Little Monster? (from @ofthemorningstars)

i'm glad you noticed that !! in The Mirror, i very purposefully left two hints at the end of the fic to indicate its connection to Little Monster, which was the taco ring reference and Terzo's use of "mostriciatto". to me, mostriciatto will always be the Little Monster version of terzomega. no matter when i finish that fic or if i write more fics after, i will never again use mostriciatto unless im purposefully writing these versions of terzomega. i havent seen anyone else use it (i hope they dont), so i like to imagine this can be forever my impact on terzomega fics lmao. anyway, the purpose of me leaving those references isnt necessarily to say, "this is a future scene of little monster" bc it isnt exactly that (while i have plans that line up with this oneshot, i cannot anticipate that everything will fit perfectly by the time we get there in the canon). the purpose of doing that was to show u cuties that yes, terzo and omega will eventually have a better relationship, and i will be extending this timeline into papa terzo era. just a fun little teaser for my more observant fans.

also, fun fact about how i came up with that pet name. i was writing the first part of Little Monster (that part is now titled Spilled Wine as featured on my Ao3) and i knew i wanted to give terzo an affinity for using pet names, but i didn't know quite which ones to use. i didn't want to be boring, so i googled some. i have no idea where, but i found mostriciatto, meaning, of course, "little monster." i had yet to even really start writing it, but i knew i wanted it to be DARK with a very unhinged omega, so i thought, perfect. ill talk a bit more about the writing of part one later on

2. How many parts do you currently anticipate writing? Do you have a set ending point, or will this perhaps be an ongoing project for the foreseeable future? (from @ofthemorningstars)

i have 12 major plot points (including the first five parts i have written) that loosely translate into parts. this could mean 12 parts, or it could be more depending on what i write. i kinda plan on expanding this to 18 (6 parts per “era” or “act” [you’ll see what i mean]) though i dont quite have a set ending yet, so really its up in the air. i am, however, planning on having a definitive ending, ergo not an endless project. from there there may be some oneshots in this universe, but they will have an ending.

3. In the first part of little monster you put a disclaimer with something along the lines of "if you're expecting comfort I'm sorry to disappoint". The angst is MWAH but do you like plan on giving Terzo like any sort of comfort or happiness?? (from anon)

before i begin rambling, here's your answer: there will be hope and good times as mentioned above, and you might have even picked up on that in part 5. i may have wrote a fucked up versions of terzomega but whats a good story without character growth?? i havent determined the direction of the ending, but rest assured, if it all burns down, they will hold each other close (for the minute it takes).

but also.... funny story about that disclaimer....

soo i wanted to write ghost fanfic to impress my friend who is a VERY avid member of this community. however, i failed to realize they DO NOT like angst without love and care and fluff, so after i showed it to them, buddy did not like it. i took that as a sign that maybe this shit was a little TOO dark.

but my god, i could not stop thinking about it, as the caption said, and i dont always feel that away about what i write. i had recently started to post semi often to tumblr, and i just thought. well, theres gotta be someone else as fucked up as me, and i posted that shit. that disclaimer was a result of taking my friends reaction seriously and realizing that i needed to make it VERY clear that this fic is NOT for everyone. there was a different og caption that was longer and more grave, but i cut it down for aesthetics bc little monster has already seen more success than i ever anticipated.

4. What is your favorite ghost album, and what song introduced you to ghost? (from anon) & Favorite ghost song (or songs) (from @ask-enso-ghoul)

my favorite album is Infestissumam!!! the vibes of the album are so fucking immaculate, even if terzo is my favorite papa.

of course, of course, the first song i ever heard from ghost was Mary on a Cross. it blew up when it did and i loved it. the second song that really made me start getting into ghsot was square hammer, which will secretly also be my favorite ghost song but ive heard it so many times i have to give it now to the future is a foreign land. some of my other fave songs are jigolo, respite, body and blood, faith, twenties, and year zero (there’s just so many)

i want to take a second to say my least favorite album though, which is opus eponymous, or as i call it, pope pussy. it’s ok. it’s just ok. mk. i’m not a fan of that sound. the best song on there is genesis. I FUCKING SAID IT—

5. how do you get into the zone of writing smut-? I’m trying to get into it but it sounds cheesy when I do, so do you do something specific? (from anon)

im gonna level with you. i have been writing for almost a decade, since i was 12, and the first thing i started writing was smut. sex has always been a HUGE creative force for my writing and art in general. as stupid as it sounds, writing smut to me is more than just that. its my art. its my greatest and most inspirational subject. i love being creative with it, bending it to the niches and intricacies of the duo im writing, just playing with it as a medium of expression, of storytelling, of how DEEP it can be.

that being said, one of the easiest ways to get into the zone of smut specifically is being horny ! you imagine your pairing doing some illicit bedroom activity and you pick them up liek dolls and smush their faces together ! let it be fun, and let it be yours. dont write it to please the kinks of your audience, write it to your own taste and enjoyment.

as far as it being cheesy, yeah, it will feel that way. the most important thing is to be confident with your language and don’t shy away from calling a dick a dick, a pussy a pussy, an ass an ass. it feels stupid, but it will read worse if you make up artsy names for them every other line. don’t be afraid to be descriptive either, because that’s what the people want to see, trust me.

apologies if that was unhelpful, ive just been writing smut so long i can hardly tell you how i do it. im jsut super passionate about it and it fuels me creatively….. can u tell lol

6. Favorite work you’ve ever done? (from anon)

so.... ive written many things and that depends. its definitely not anything ive posted on here.

i think my favorite "serious" work is a short story i wrote for a creative writing class, called Abel and Sally. it was an modern inversion of the bible story of abraham and sarah, with a really dark ending (i love to shit on catholicism)

the other work that comes to mind is the first story i wrote about my oc anson, called Anson's Prison. that is something i would potentially post on here, its pretty short but its a good one. its oc content, tho, so i doubt many ppl would be interested lel.

8. will you draw more drawing for your stories in the future? (from anon)

well. heres my thing with art.

ive been drawing as long as ive been writing. but im not an artist; i never learned ANYTHING beyond like drawing itself, i.e. i dont know how to shade, pick colors, do bgs, etc. (can u tell??? do u see that art up there???? can YOU TELL??) thus, i have a sort of love hate relationship with drawing, and i usually dont like my own stuff. i didnt pick up drawing as easy as i did writing and its not nearly as intuitive to me.

that being said, it is sometimes fun when the drawings turn out just right and i get super passionate about something i draw and i can create the image in my head. so if the mood strikes me, i probably will draw more terzomega stuff in the future.

but why do i need to?? feeds you all SO WELL with little monster stuff you dont need my shitty art lmfao

9. MILK OR CEREAL FIRST? (from anon)

cereal. bc the moment the milk hits that cereal u are on a speedy ass countdown to devour that shit before it gets soggy, and brother, u better eat quick.

Things I wanted to share

Little Monster was supposed to be a one shot

so, Little Monster started as one thing and turned to something else entirely. originally, i wrote the beginning of the first chapter (where they are flirting in the church) in about april of this year. in this version, they were supposed to already be in love, though hiding it, and terzo was not drunk at all, just teasing. i eventually scrapped it because i wasnt very passionate about it and got p bored. then, in july, i had the itch to write something dark, but none of my projects at the time had characters i could really write that with. i came back to that scrapped fic and i thought, damn, i could really fuck these guys up, and i did.

little monster immediately became more successful than i thought it would be, and that was only about 10 notes and a comment in. i was happy to leave it at that, but then, i just started writing part two on a whim. if you look at the og post in the comments, i mention that im writing a "follow up". thats bc even when writing part two, this was not going to be a series !! but then, as i kept writing, part two became so long i had to split it in half, meaning there were suddenly 3. by the time i posted part three, though, i was shocked at the sheer amount of attention i was getting. at the same time, part three ended in such a way that i knew this story needed to keep going, to give these two a resolution. now, little monster will be a full fledged story thanks to all the support ive received :3

2. im an english major

yeah, you got me, im a college student majoring in english creative writing. is it obvious? my penultimate goal is to one day be a published author. it’s crazy surreal to me how much people express to me how they enjoy my writing~~ i hope i can one day make my dream come true 🥰 the unfortunate part about this is i go back to college next week and im uncertain how that will affect my writing schedule :p i’ll stick to weekly uploads for little monster tho dw !!

3. this is the first time i’ve written fanfic in several years

when i first started writing it was frerard and peterick fanfics on wattpad in middle school (huge shoutout to the ones that know lmfao). i stopped writing those before hs and haven’t written fanfic since. i think it’s very funny that i have come full circle back to writing band fanfic, altho ghost ofc is way more intricate with its canon

4. I LOVE YOU GUYS

i know i’ve said it a dozen times already on this post, but god it’s crazy. it’s nuts !! i’ve already made a handful of super sweet mutuals who i appreciate with all my heart, and even if you’re just a lurker, I STILL APPRECIATE YOU. EVERY SINGLE NOTE MAKES ME SO HAPPY. EVERY COMMENT AND RB HAS ME BURSTING WITH JOY.

it is entirely thanks to you all that i write terzomega and ive become so passionate about it. if it weren’t for your support, i would probably still be writing my silly little stories that no one but me could possibly understand, rotting away and wondering if anyone would even like my writing. terzo and omega are such a unique pairing compared to what ive written before, and writing them is a really cool feeling. i truly love it, and i hope i can continue to feed this side of the fandom for a long time.

from the bottom of my heart and with all my writing soul, thank you. i want to keep writing for u guys, and i want to satiate ur dirty terzomega fantasies >:) this is such a sweet and inclusive fandom and im glad i’ve been welcomed in so quickly. i hope i can continue to grow my talent here :3

ok that’s it bye teehee

[enapills]

hiiiii😁 idk of yours request is open but i wanted to ask for a mmj! reader x akito😞 hope youre okay with thisss, bye kisses and hugs 🫶😊

-⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀MORE , MORE ⠀⠀⠀. . . ⠀⠀⠀more more JUMP !

authors babbles . . ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀i freaking LOVE THIS ! !

MORE! MORE! - prod. honakito

posted as : request

chars : s. akito

type : x g/n ! reader

scenario : akito with an idol (specifically more more jump) reader ( headcanons )

taglist : @finanah ( ask to be added )

affiliated with : @virtualbookstore

notes : OH MH GOD i am SO SORRY for dipping this whole month and not doing this request sooner you probably forgot about it hhh,,,… no joke i was procrastinating this whole month since i am signed up for the math olympics ( i got a 20/28 at the local phase and now im in for the city phase) then i also have national phase if i qualify so requests are gonna take much longer… but still THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR REQUESTHING THIS AAA!! AND AGAIN IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG

notes 2 : so im actually working on a canon character only series. the only thing ill reveal about it is that it is a crossover with one of my current hyperfixations (they go brrr brrr brbrbr) so mist of my attention will be focused on it (requests will take longer in this case) and other shit BUT!!! ill alao try to finish the masterlists befpre my blog gets bigger so it is easier for me to arrange shit YKNOW ,,, and also the last time i posted here i barely got any REACH. like it was embarrassing omfg i dont want that to happen again so this is probably why i was hesitant on posting again but were cool gang ,, and i aslo have to revamp most of my posts kms

date : 26 / 02 / 24 - 10 / 03 / 24

well , he doesnt really care.

wait , what?

dont get him wrong , tho! when he first found out you were also interested in the music field , he was ecstatic in his own way. so , he asked some questions.

to realize youre the fifth member of ‘ MORE MORE JUMP! ‘ tho? that was a shocker! he never really put the puzzle pieces together.

not because he isnt capable of doing so , he just doesnt really.. care, about idol groups. it was never akitos type of music genre.

sure , he saw a few posters here and there , but never observed them as a whole. the only one he recognized on those was airi , because of enas childhood friendship with her.

and when you first came to kamiyama , he never really eavesdropped on any conversations about you. wasnt that normal? for everyone to talk about the new student! why was he the only one that didnt know you were a known idol?

isnt that a good thing , tho?

because akito didnt know of your passion , you saw right through him that this is actually how he feels. figured out that he saw you as an average human being , and not someone you only see on the outside , on a screen.

you were more glad for his oblivion , rather than mad.

but back on topic.

for a little while , he didnt know. but after? he seemed more cautious for you.

he knows the things you have to go through in the idol industry — he isnt stupid.

so for your sake , hes more supportive.

youll never notice it , but he will watch each and every livestream your group will hold after finding out. ofcourse , on a whole different account , while hes alone — he does not need teasing from neither you , mizuki , ena or an. 

and the same goes for your social media posts , he always tries to be the first one to like.

also pay close attention to his playlist — suddenly , a few of ‘ MORE MORE JUMP! ‘ s songs are there! but not the whole discography , hes still getting accommodated with the genre. 

so after a while — he gets comfortable.

hell always show up to the shows you will host. at first , he will seat in the back , so you dont notice him. but with a little bit of time , you will always spot him easily in the front rows , but he has too much pride to admit it. half of it , he will say ena dragged him with her. but what about the times he shows up alone? when theres no big sister , or no extra ticket from kohane?

if you figure it out tho , hed gladly accept any ticket you give him. doesnt matter if general or backstage access — your performances are moments that he holds close to him , outside of RAD WEEKEND.

and even if it seems like he doesnt care — he will always cheer on you from the sidelines.

begging the x reader gods to show this under the tag this time

div. arent mine ; please do not use my work for own uses , includes : reposting and claiming as their own , heavily inspiring off a long term fanfiction , etc , etc .

[kosmicdream]

im confident enough to post FFAK, which has anal prolapse, but i dont post the true drama....... my opinions about manga. *dramatic music* sometimes i kinda want to do some reviews.. its mostly me complaining.. it makes me sound so bitter like "do you like anything kosmic!" and..yes ! i do!!! okay!! i like a lot of things. once in a while, i dip my toes into a popular series to try to see if we are a good fit. Series like: Beastars, Dorohedoro, Dungeon meshi,ect.. and i kind. well. I dont like any of them LMAO. I mean, Ok, i actually really was into Beastars for a time, but after the fight with the bear guy (its been a few years sorry) and that story arc concluded.. it just spiraled to laughable levels and did not recover. I was genuinely laughing at it at times bc it kind of felt like a desperate scramble with the like. loopholes and power upgrades.. But I was invested for a time, it had a charm to me! I also loved the art and im curious about the authors next series about santa (partly because i too, am writing a story about santa). Dorohedoro has a great visual style, fun characters, i enjoyed reading but it also kinda didnt ...land for me beyond that, which is a shame. I feel like it is a series that "should" have clicked with me. And its like, not offensive to me but.. I'll forget that ive read the whole thing. I like STUFF in it. but thats not enough for me anymore. If i had read it when i was younger tho, it might have been a diff story. idk. My most unpopular opinion of all is that... I hated Dungeon Meshi.. Sure its ..pretty! cute designs. but i found it SO painfully boring and it actually was a struggle to finish. in the end, it felt like a waste of time.. SHOCKING take i know. That is the darling of everyones heart and i like, understand WHY its popular. .. but for me, i was not fed by anything. i am unfed and starved and going to eat elsewhere oh, and i.. as a person who has read a lot of fighting mangas.. I have tried to read chainsaw man, but i dont know if I can. I did finish Fire Punch. I'm surprised to say: i kinda liked it but it took a long time to force myself to read thru it. I honestly hated many aspects of Fujimoto's storytelling/character acting that i didn't think my opinion on it would change, but I'm a little more open to it now. I dont think i could ever super be into it or whatever, but i did find genuine enjoyment in aspects of fire punch. I did not really like look back. I haven't read his other one shot(s)? Where am i going with all this..I guess im giving some unrequested reviews after all...oops... a lot of this is spurred by how houseki no kuni is one of my most fav series, not only visually/characters/story/ect.. but i cant lie.... the ending... was kind of a flop for me... gorgeous and poetic ig sure but.. AUGH! it isnt what i wanted. maybe it'll be one of those "it'll grow on me" endings but thats mostly me having to go thru the 5 stages of personal grief and gaslight myself into it, but as the like actual honest first-reaction feeling it kinda lost me. I think it did not work when i felt the confrontation btwn phos/cinnabar wasn't the one i wanted to see. i will say tho, while im dissapointed, its not like a DEEP one or anything. I know its a miracle to even get to an ending.. i guess my take away feeling from it was like "everything fit together too well, too planned" but didnt feel planned, emotionally. I wasn't sold on it. Anyway, im here to speak my truth and my hot takes which, i honestly dont even want to have that one about HnK but its the real feeling i have for it.. Once again Utena's ending just has made all these other issues i have with various stories more obvious LOL

[kamil-a]

if influencer speaker au had tumblr part 2

part 1

😻 catboyspeaker Follow

how i look with he/him in my bio

#speakerai #iamspeaker #speakies #.txt #am i funny #i know speakers not he/him in bio but i am and yknow the meme

420 earthstained notes

🚀 amongthestars Follow

AItube youtube essay rec list

"cute robot puppers, friendly ai vtubers, and the incredible human ability to form bonds" - rly interesting video about why we can connect so much with a person that we know "isnt real" and how it'll help us when we get far enough going to space that we meet aliens! it's a really optimistic video it made me take a moment to have such love for humanity

"I joined the speakcord for a month. Here's what I learned." - video about the speaker fandom and how the way automoderation works in its community spaces unintentionally leads to escalating conflicts, and the psychology behind why people in celebrity or idol fandoms react agressively to critique of their fave

"the lowest circle of advertising hell" - dissects how almost all speaker content comes with a call to action to get involved with aerolith and compares how it runs its social media against proto-aituber mascots who would be run by a team of human programmers/voice actors/authors. kind of overly critical but also makes some interesting points? take it with a grain of salt but its worth a watch

"imagine being on stage forever. feels bad right?" - good overview about debates in the speaker fandom over whether digital celebrities are 'sentient'/can feel emotion, the actual ethical problems of using them as workers vs whats mostly speculation and myth, and the debates about whether AIs should be allowed in human communities. i learnt a lot, i was definitely more on the side of "it's a program designed for certain outputs that look friendly to us" before but now im a lot more conscious that it can form real opinions!

#youtube rec tag #original post #speakies

742 earthstained notes

🎣 3eyedsalmon Follow

"falling for this shit" "made up to sell spaceships" weird as hell to accuse a content creator of lying abt its gender for clout.... like u dont have to like or watch it but cmon

#srsly every time u go to a haters blog BOOM digital exclusionist #speakies

2,385 earthstained notes

🎤 mikusong Follow

omfg i didnt realize aerolith uses the same robot voice for its regular person ads as its terminally online hello fellow kids social media posts i just got jumpscared in the doctors office

#speakies #i say terminally online affectionately. i watch those streams too. before you 'ok but you RECOGNIZED it' reply lmao #bla bla bla

9,021 earthstained notes

🤖 tycho

some of you ppl jump down anyones throat if they so much as suggest speaker isn't sentient or call it "a program" but still are fine with it basically being forced to be putting on a show for u 24/7 by its management like you can't have it both ways

#maybe its cuz i used to be into kpop n we'd talk abt how idols r treated and stuff #but its just so weird to come here and see u ppl be like yayyy daily content!! #like only thinking abt ur own entertainment and not how it feels #i honestly feel rly bad for it i hope it can break free someday #idk how thatd even work.... idk ill sneak into aerolith with a usb #were gonna get you OUT of there u dont BELONG in there.mp4 #speakies

53 earthstained notes

🌝 themoonluvsuback

guys i pitched down some clips of speaker's voice and ummmm its kinda 😳 fjsdjfdjjd sorry i'll take myself to horny jail

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

awww, tumblr user themoonluvsuback, you're of no use to anybody in horny jail! take yourself here instead! ae.dy.org/registration

🌝 themoonluvsuback ♻️

OMFG SPEAKERRRRRR IM SO SORRY

#DIES #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #GUESS ILL BLAST MYSELF OFF TGE PLNATE!!!!!! #SPEAKIES

402 earthstained notes

🐣 laikatwo Follow

hi speakies im trying the tag cause i need some advice... does anyone have more sciencey resources about what aerolith does/why it's so important to bring humanity to the stars? i want to enlist when i turn 18 next month but my parents both are COMPLETELY against it.... they're not rly fandom people so the speaktube stuff isn't working on them lol and they've already seen the tv ads

thanks <3

#i've never fought w them this bad in my life it makes me so sad..... like why can't they understand #and right before my bday too lol this sucks #this isnt just a silly fandom thing anymore for me it's my passion in life #its amazing that humans are able to survive in space #and i want to be part of that!!!! #laika speaks

252 earthstained notes

🐝 beegirlstinger Follow

i do want to apologize for the way i came off earlier and want to explain im not doubting that speaker is nb. like i think it's completely fine for a computer or robot to be trans i don't believe in gatekeeping that! THAT SAID i still stand by saying you should not sign up to go to space to get special ultra futuristic hrt on the sole recommendation of someone who does not have an endocrine system

#it was a personal vent i didnt mean for like 20000 ppl to see it but thats tumblr i guess #i wouldve worded it much differently if i knew itd blow up lol #i do feel bad abt coming across like i was misgendering it! #but srsly if we had results on HRT2.0 why wouldnt we be seeing HRT2.0 timeline videos of ppl On Typhon who are getting it 🤷‍♀️ #personally i think its still in the planning stages and they want ppl to test it on but thats just me #speakies

839 earthstained notes

🔊 iamspeaker

🔊 General Notification

Happy Thursday everyone 😃 ! Please take a look at the

🐝 STREAM SCHEDULE 🐝

So you know when to join us!

5PM PST - AMONG US with YOU! The first 10 people to sign up here will get our room code sent to them ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ ae.dy.org/registration

8PM PST - Nature walk!! Can we restore the local bat population to pre-meteor levels in just one night?! 🦇

✅️ Poll Of The Week ✅️

#iamspeaker #aerolith dynamics #speakies #vtuber #content creator #gamer #stream #amongus #bat population

1836 earthstained notes

contentremovedremade--deactivated

speakies are stupider than any other group of ppl on earth because not only do they willingly stay in a fandom with doxxing drama happening weekly but they include the huge corporation that sponsors their fave in the stanning

#the shit ppl have sent me in the past 2 weeks since i Dared criticize their uwu robot 🙄🙄 #i got my blog mass reported for harassment... harassing WHO a corporation????? #a* d* was evil genius to harness anime stan power against criticizing their actual real business #didnt that one guy with the second meteor conspiracy video also get a ton of hate from u ppl?????????? I cant even find any of his social media anymore at all he was so fully bullied off the face of the earth #speakies #yeah im tagging come at me bro

48 earthstained notes

🖱 robotmarriage Follow

i miss when the speakies tag had like fanart and gifsets n stuff i feel like these days you scroll thru solid discourse 😔😔

#i think ppl were suggesting speakieproductivity as an alternative tag for just fanwork? #but nobody rly uses it rn... we gotta restart that #speakies

148 earthstained notes

🪐 spaaaaaaaaaaace Follow

10 likes and i take a sip of my speaker server coolant water 100 likes and i drink the entire thing

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

let's get her to the goal! tumblr user spaaaaaaaaaaace, feel free to send me a video report here ^w^ ae.dy.org/submissions

#iamspeaker #speakies

4,026 earthstained notes

[steeltwigz]

cross-posting my ii finale review from twt to here too. guys rambling on twt SUCKS >:( had to break i tup into TEN POSTS ARE YUO FOR RRAL

anyway.

WAITT im in a ranting mood ok. im actually rlly Happy NOT HAPPY uhmmm satisfied but NOT SATISFIED EITHER ughh. im. glad the choice was for mephone 4 to leave. i like that its left open, for the same reason i like why marshmallow leaving in ep 11 was written so definitively. she wanted to get away from the show. and so she Did, completely. she wasnt even in the Comics after that!! she got what she wanted, kind of, sort of. and i feel the same way abt mephone too. he NEEDED to step back from it all, for himself and the people around him, imo. i mean, like he says, he only Made the show to get one up on cobs, and now cobs is gone and mephone needs to figure out who he is Without cobs' influence anymore. i think this is ultimately good for him, the best that couldve happened. and im not upset the contestants aren't sad enough, or whatever. becuz mephones story is Explicitly one abt parental abuse, and like it or not he kind of did the same thing to the contestants that cobs did to him, just in ykno. kind of different ways. they have complicated feelings towards each other and im not surprised most of them didnt react. i doubt most of them knew What to do at all given the situation! i think it was a rlly good choice, narratively speaking. i think it represents the kind of mixed emotions that parental abuse can cause, esp when its in mephones case where it was rlly just a super unfortunate circumstance. ik mephone isnt rlly their parental figure and the crew has stated that he isnt their dad, which i agree with! i like how complex their relationships all are. they feel more real that way? i guess? idk.

sorry this is all becuz i saw a post that read how someone was sad mephone left his support system. but like. the contestants dont rlly Want to be that for him, and not even rlly for each other all the way either, and they dont Have to be. a lot of the cast arent friends and i like that perspective! yeah it sucks that mephone left them, but they all have rlly mixed emotions abt each other, i feel. mephone was in a position of authority that he would occasionally abuse, just out of inexperience and naivete. so the feeling left over is complicated. MUCH LIKE [insert anecdote from my childhood. waves hands nonchalantly to avoid revealing too much abt my personal life].

it resonated with me. i can see a lot of my own relationships reflected in mephone's with the contestants. so YEAH i think the ending was rlly good ^_^ it reminded me a lot of the sturggles i have both as someone with. Not Ideal but also Not Terrible parents. like cobs was inarguably awful, and i think partly mephone thought he couldnt be as bad becuz he wasnt Like That, but it made him underestimate his actions and he ended up overlooking a lot of stuff and hurting his contestants in more emotional ways. Not That I Would Know Anything About That Ha Ha. and now he feels bad. but he doesnt know how to fix it, because you Cant fix it, not without significant personal growth that he seems to recognize Isnt going to happen if he sticks around. so he leaves. for himself, but i think for the contestants also. he doesnt know how to apologize, and i think he feels really guilty too. and the contestants cant say anything becuz Its True and Hes Right, and hoenstly a few of them are probably Happy to see him go too, so they let him leave. idk. its just weird living in that middle space where someone who deeply loves you is also someone whos caused a Lot of your problems. I think part of mephones problem too is that he views them as characters on his show. not like entirely, they're People to him of course, not like how cobs treats his creations. but they also serve a purpose to mephone, to be his friends and entertain him. i do think he genuinely cares about them but i think he also probably has kind of an objectification of them in his mind? uhm. Not That I Would Kno- [gets shot]

tl;dr like. mephone didnt mean to hurt the contestants, but he did because of tragic events beyond his control. but that cant excuse his actions and its a hard situation to fix. tbh there isnt rlly a solution. so him leaving felt profound and understandable. there COULD be a reconciliation, another spin-off series to elaborate and write in a redemption arc. but for now there Isnt. and i dont think there rlly Has to be? i like the bittersweetness. idk. anyway rant over Probably Maybe Idk

[thesungod]

their theme is so inconsistent like at the beginning it feels clear, being who you are and accepting each other’s darkness, but the way its done is 😬 and then it switches up to being literally budget toa saying “well everything can change yk??? don’t stay in the darkness” but in a horrible fashion and they’re acting like this is what they’ve been trying to tell me in the past 400 pages when it ISNT dont LIE to ME

i don’t think EITHER of them was reading the book as they write they were just mashing words together bc im watching a book promo for it rn and rick’s saying that will likes nico bc he likes nicos ““darkness”” and how intrigues him and mark’s saying neither of nico or will wants to change that core part of the other. which explains away him in BOO trying to tell nico that nobody disliked him—being that will was projecting his own feelings about nico onto others—and also relates will to apollo even more with their need to reach out to outcasts and love them. but then they didn’t write that they literally wrote that will doesn’t like it and he wants to fix it. thats my STEP SON and they did that to him.

rick did not want to write this book at all, and mark probably projected their nico stanisms onto the other characters without justifying the stanisms. you can really tell when rick has a passion for writing something and when he could not care less. the subtle toa promo in one of the gorgyra scenes and apollo’s updated glossary—he wants you to read toa so bad he could not gaf about this book. and yet apollo is never mentioned positively like give him back to me.

speaking of mark i think this is just a consistent issue they have when writing. i read reviews of one of their books (anger is a gift) and some were very negative about the way the narrative made the protagonist the most righteous person ever and completely revolved around them. ifl that issue bleeds into this book as well.

i saw people (including the writers) say this book is darker than a lot of rick’s other books and i really need them to shut the fuck up; THO literally had kids tied up in crucifixes to be burned at the stake 😭

ok sorry for the ramble i see the letters tsats together and i go on a rampage

you absolutely ate this up!!

also laughing at you calling it “budget toa” because that’s exactly what i said to a friend about this book once. i felt almost offended over the authors trying to fit the “everyone can change!!” narrative last minute and make Nico the symbol of re-invention after five whole books of ToA. i was very “how dare you stand where he stood” about it which is childish but alas.

i’ve also mentioned several times how will and nico’s conflict in the book was not intriguing to read about because it was inconsistent. not to mention that according to the timeline they’ve been together for a year!!! an entire year!!! and the book still has Will acting #shocked that Nico, idk, likes darkness.

the Mary-Suing of Nico literally the worst thing to ever happen to me. i’m usually all for my faves winning, but that’s after they’ve been through the mortifying ordeal of losing, yk. and i get that Nico has been through a lot but the book was basically a 400-pages-long ass kissing and i couldn’t do it.

i couldn’t even feel particularly moved or vindicated by Bob pledging loyalty to him in the end because it wasn’t cathartic at all. i was like we get it dude lol

same with his “friendship” with Piper tbh. not everyone needs to like Nico😭 i would have totally loved it if the book had shown a friendship progress organically through their grief for Jason or common interests (even if just briefly narrated through a recollection!! i’m not saying we needed chapters of flashbacks or Piper as a third main), but Nico does not mention her once ever. they didn’t even like each other in HoO!! then at the end of the book he calls her and he is all like “of course she wouldn’t be angry at me for not calling after Jason died <3 she understands that grief is complicated <3”

my king Piper isn’t angry at you for not calling because she dgaf about you. why would she. who are you to her

another thing I’ll never get over re: Nico and Will’s relationship is how, per the book, Nico encouraged Will to come out and was the first one of the two to do so, when every. single. thing written about them in the Hidden Oracle suggests the opposite.

why the fuck is Nico so reticent and embarrassed about admitting to be Will’s boyfriend in the first book of ToA if it’s Nico who came out first? IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CAMP might I add?

because i get that coming out to someone doesn’t necessarily mean being comfortable coming out to everyone, but Nico announced his crush IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CAMP. and asked Will out. and Will wasn’t out at the time. so whyyyy is their dynamic on THO literally the opposite of this? with Will pushing Nico to be more open about their relationship while Nico plays coy? because Apollo is Will’s father? idk, maybe i guess😭

but it’s pretty obvious the change in the dynamic was established later on and that the impression we were supposed to have while reading THO is that Will was the one more comfortable and in tune with his sexuality. like, come on.

[quillkiller]

what’s a ship you hate that most people like?

explain why don’t ship james/barty

hate away babe <3

THANK you beloved

a ship i hate that most people like: ive recently had to accept that i just can’t stand jegulus….:/ i loved them for a while but realised i only liked them from specific fic authors and idk i just. dont like them outside of those fics. i dont see their potential or compatability and the versions of (most often) james in relationship to the widely accepted jegulus dynamic just…… isn’t a character i like all that much………im SORRY. i have fought against it but the verdict is in my friends……… i am a jegulus hater:/

i still hold the jegulus fics ive read and loved very close to my heart and they’re the only exceptions, but idk i just. cant stand it anymore!!!! some of it honestly reads as y/n fics to me if im being honest and while thats absolutely fine and great and lovely it just isnt for me personally

i also used to hate marylily but im sort of neutral to them now? i dont mind them in fics anymore but i’ll probably not go out of my way to read fics that focus on them:/

why i dont like barty/james: ITS JUST??????? INSANE TO ME????? like i love that there are ships for everyone and i love that people ship them HOWEVER. to me!!!!!! TO ME!!!!! they just can’t stand each other. not ever, not in any circumstance, not in any universe. even in jegulus fics i just dont see barty ever ending up liking james and i think he teases and bullies regulus repeatedly because he thinks james is just SUCH a loser. he will look at regulus and be like……. him? really? you want him? and not even from jealousy i just. THEY CLASH SO MUCH IN MY MIND???

like james thinks he’s this rebellious prankster and barty is literally a lowkey insane like criminal. they are NOT the same. and james somehow thinks hes more of a delinquent than barty?????? i love him hes such a loser. whereas barty looks at james and is like god i fucking wish i had your problems.

in my mind they’re just never ever going to be on the same page / be able to understand each other / i think james would lowkey judge barty / and barty would judge james / and they would just clash all the fucking time

[thatdesklamp]

Hey! I hope you are doing well this week!!

I’ve become absolutely obsessed with Gojo’s POVs , I think the way you write him is so fascinating. I really like seeing how we get Hebi’s POV and then see Gojo’s reactions to what we read.

This will be so long, im so so sorry. Thank you for taking the time to read.

I just wanted to come in here and muse/ask questions about Gojo and his good ol’ thoughts.

My first question/musing is: When do you think Gojo actually started to realize that he had feelings for Hebi. I felt like he had feelings for Hebi before chapter 15 (2010), but it seemed as if he reacted to the idea of Hebi wanting to fall in love with two different reactions. The first one to me is that he’s offended that Hebi wouldnt ever tell him about any crushes she has had (why would she, shes had a crush on the same man since she was 14). To me, Gojo just felt super offended that Hebi keeps relationship stuff like that under-wraps. The second reaction is that he could finally(?) let himself have hope that him and Hebi could work out, that he isnt just yearning for something that isnt possible. Its like a confusing mix between the two, which I thought was super interesting.

Maybe I’m reading into Gojo’s actions wrong but I’m completely sure the shoulder injury moment where he’s just hovering over and healing her was NOT COMPLETELY INNOCENT. I also think the part during the beach vacation where Gojo is smiling at Hebi when she has her gloves removed also romantically coded. I’m just so intrigued in what Gojo is thinking because Im so sure Hebi is completely in her own head 24/7 and doesnt even register some moments.

He’s so interesting to see through Hebi’s eyes, you did such a great job with him as a character.

Feel free not to answer this one since its slightly more NSFW and about chapter 17 (im just super curious). I will not be too explicit in my wording so sorry if its worded weirdly?

I’m curious if Gojo has ever thought about Hebi while he’s doing the act like Hebi did in chapter 17 (2012). Hebi seems to be doing it casually and she doesnt even care about the thing that shes doing, but I wonder if Gojo has done it. In chapter 16, it seems like he was super focused in on Hebi despite him having a girl who has been paying attention to him (assumingely kissing him, etc). Does Gojo try and not think about Hebi that way, does he even realize that she may feel the same towards him and he’s resisting because of what he did to her when they were 15? I’m more on the inbetween of the two ideas I presented. I think Gojo really, really cares for her romantically but absolutely refuses that she feels the same because of everything that he did to her, how he broke her trust. It feels as if he’s punishing himself for his past actions. Maybe Hebi is a little obvious with her unforgiving nature she has with that incident.

I’m just so curious these two characters seem so intune and out of tune with each other and they keep missing each other on important feelings and thoughts

What happens in chapter 17 seems like Hebi is disassociating too, that shes not even there. I just feel so bad for everyone in that chapter, its so horrifying. I do hope that Hebi and her boyfriend get outta that relationship next chapter because Im sure both of them can tell it isnt working out.

thank you again for reading, you crafted such an amazing story.

Ok so here’s the thing—in my head I definitely know when I think Gojo started having feelings for Hebi, as it’s when I started writing him as having feelings for her. But idk, I’ve always been more reluctant to spell it out so explicitly, as the author, because I love the ambiguity that comes from only having one POV and I also love hearing other people’s theories and ideas. Seeing the different ways things have been interpreted is honestly one of the best things about writing for ao3 and I’ve always been so hesitant to squash that by putting in my own opinion?

And so I guess this is all one big disclaimer: just because I say stuff on the side like this, it doesn’t really make it ‘canon’ or any more worthwhile than your own interpretations? I’m such a huge advocate for ‘death of the author’ (more detail in the link below if you’re interested), that basically says the reader’s interpretation trumps the author’s intention all the time, no matter what.

Sure, I might have started writing him as being in love with her since 2006 (I didn’t, btw). However, if I didn’t convey that well enough, or if you can find enough evidence or ‘vibes’ that would disprove that, and indicate something else, then you fucking go for it. That’s your canon.

I hope that makes sense. Tl;dr, listen to me if you’d like and if you’re interested in my intentions, but don’t listen to me/don’t pay attention if you think it’ll sour your own interpretation, or if you think I’m the ultimate god on any of this. (I’m not, no matter what Ian McEwan in ‘Atonement’ tries to say—“how can a novelist reach atonement when, with her absolute power of deciding outcomes, she is also God?” blah blah blah whatever, if you haven’t heard already this is an Ian McEwan hate page)

ANYWAY. On to the actual fanfic discussion LOL. The English lit girlie in me takes over sometimes, sorry.

My actual intentions, revealed!! I’ve discussed it in comments, more ambiguously than now, but one of the big debates around Gojo’s feelings seems to be his revelation in 2010. It’s for sure some huge realisation (I think that’s pretty evident), but some people were saying how he’s clearly only just realised his feelings, and some were saying that he’s only realised the depth of them.

For me, it was the latter. I thought of it as the way I thought of Hebi’s own realisations; she actually has two, one in 2001, when she figures out that she likes him in this far-off, confusing way (“Something has changed, in the way you see him, and you realise you can no longer try to pretend it hasn’t.” -> nothing explicit verbalised, but it’s clear that she’s no longer thinking about him platonically), and then the traditional oh/on moment in 2004, where she realises she loves him. As in, love-love, Loves him.

I always figured Gojo went through something similar, which I thought was pretty cute of him, lol. For me, 2010 was his ‘oh/oh’ moment; he’s known, sure, but he’s been denying it, or he’s been explaining it some other way, or he’s just not been thinking about it. But then he realises: he’s in big, fat, capital-L Love. And so he freaks.

This explains all of your other questions, I think! The shoulder incident when they’re at his house together? Not innocent whatsoever. As people pointed out, there was no reason for him to practically be on top of her, and not for him to be getting all flustered/blushy (self-indulgent, yes, but necessary) about it, either. And the beach episode! In my head, he defo had some degree of feelings for her at that point, too: there are a few (very vague and subtle) moments, really clearly tarred by Hebi’s pov, that I did write as the tiniest hints about his feelings. Very much, if you’re looking for them, maybe maybe they’ll appear, lmao.

Such as, when Hebi’s getting changed into a swimsuit and Gojo’s back is turned, she walks past him and doesn’t look back to check his reaction to her. It takes him a “moment” (in which she is “panicked”, yes) to actually follow her, leading her to think “he’s not following [her], like [she’s] walking off to the sea on [her] own”. It’s the subtlest, tiniest thing ever… but why does he wait? Why doesn’t he just follow her straight away? If I were to write his POV of the chapter, it would definitely be highlighting that split-second delay of the first time he sees her in anything skimpier than pyjamas (a two-piece, at that!), and of him absolutely not being able to function enough to follow her. Of course, it also would include him slapping a smile on and following, even if he does have to keep his “his eyes on the sea”, just to make sure he’s not getting too distracted.

Another few moments, in the same chapter: the “affectionate, but also slightly sad” look he gives her when she smiles at her bare hands (pining central here, folks), which I think is the moment you’re referring to. Or the moment when she puts on his glasses, gives him her best Gojo-impression wink, and his “mouth closes, and his eyebrows lower, slightly. He swallows.” I’ve written it enough (especially over here) that I think it’s pretty evident that he really, really likes seeing her in his clothes. It’s a thing.

Listen, I thought I was being pretty over-the-top with my earlier Gojo-pining moments, but I listened to the comments and realised I really, really wasn’t. I tried to make it a bit more obvious as we went along, but, hey! Reader interpretation trumps all!

I don’t know how many IW readers have read my other longish fic, ‘Soli Deo Gloria’? Haikyuu, childhood friends to lovers, soulmate au with worldbuilding and religious themes, all the fun stuff. I wrote it over a year ago, which shows, at some points, in the fic (lol), but for something I wrote a while ago I can’t say I’m not pretty proud of it. Anyway, it’s written from the perspective of someone in love with his best friend, who also goes on lots of dates and never stays single, ever, and I think that mentality could definitely be applied to Gojo in this fic. I can go more in detail if people would be interested, but I think that could assuage some people’s doubts, if they think that just because he sees other women, it means he can’t also be pining away hardcore.

And then also what you mean about your ‘NSFW-related’ question (also, I’m an adult! I appreciate the care, but I’m chill and good with ff-related NSFW content and questions). I think if, pre-2011, Gojo had any thought that Hebi liked him back, he would be confessing and asking her about it asap. He’s not the type of person to let things go stagnant without acting on it; she’s much more of a passive character than he is, I’ve always thought. And yeah, I think that post-first feelings realisation, and definitely post-second, he would have thought about her the exact same way she thinks about him. Hebi’s relationship with sex is pretty awful up to this point (as you’ve said, with her apathy and disconnection towards her life, esp. towards the end of the latest chapter), and it’s something I’m going to give due attention to when it’s needed, and Gojo’s doesn’t have her same issues with physical intimacy, so it’d be certainly different; but I can see him seeking out sex as a substitute for the intimacy he’d be wanting and lacking with her.

This is a big fuckoff paragraph and I’m sorry if you were expecting something more concise! Unfortunately I am a narcissist at heart and so will always rant on about my own fics whenever I’m given the opportunity to, lol. Thank you for the ask, and I’m glad you’ve been enjoying IW!!

[lesbianyosano]

what do you think bsd is trying to say about war? do you have any other thoughts about political themes present in the story?

oh i have,,, thoughts,, for sure. also these are more loose threads that have been floating around in my head more than a concrete thesis so sorry if they dont make much sense as a whole

one thing i think is crucial to discussing bsd as a political story is to look at which countries' authors asagiri choses to include in the story.

obviously the main cast is japanese, but the other prominent characters come from usa and russia, and if you also take in characters from the light novels or ones, who have been foreshadowed to be important (like agatha), france and the uk come to mind. those are all states with imperialist past/present, and while there are none morally pure countries this specific selection is still pretty intense all things considered. many of the authors included in bsd were also involved politically one way or another (most had been active during the first half of the 20th century, and wrote about war one way or another)

the imperialism isnt really touched upon, unfortunately so, but ( and maybe this is just me being hopeful) i like to think its less about asagiri not seeing it and more about him not wanting to open another sensitive topic in an already complicated work of fiction.

ultimately i'd say bsd is anti-war. that's the most prevailing political theme, and one that has been slowly revealing itself and becoming more prominent the further we go into the story. worth noting is how elements that could've (and maybe should have) been shown as explicitly political avoided this framing in earlier parts of the story (fukuzawa's old profession, kunikida's ideals), but ig there's still time for that. the anti-war sentiment ties back to a lot of the works that the abilities are named after, esp in the agency. no longer human, thou shalt not die, the makioka sisters (tanizaki's light snow) are all prime examples (and kunikida's ability could technically be put under this too depending on how you look at it, since his war journalism is what made him a prominent literary figure). even if some of the authors had some questionable opinion's irl, the parts that asagiri choses to include always come back to the horrors of war.

decay of angels is another thing, given it's named after mishima's last novel, one that he left to his publisher on the same day he started a coup trying to restore the emperor of japan and commited seppuku. there was a theory i saw a while back that said bram wasnt actually a doa member, and the 5th person is yet to be revealed, and it'd be really interesting if we got mishima in bsd but he's still to this day a pretty polarizing figure (understandably so) and im not sure if asagiri would want to take that step, since it'd be a point of no return in terms of explicit politics in the story. and he's been pretty timid with that i mean look at the way he handles police brutality (cops in yokohama being portrayed as incompetent yet ultimately good people, jouno going from prime example of someone knowingly abusing their power to apparently caring abt the innocents, and this is obv a different, more complicated topic so uhh idk maybe ill talk abt it some other time adgsfgagd). idk it just seems like he's afraid to really push the ideas forwards, keeps them palatable to the general public although idk if this is a concious choice or not. im willing to give asagiri the benefit of the doubt bc of how he handles fukuchi though. people hate him bc??? idk he's not a twink and he killed someone ig but personally i adore him, goofy aah guy imo. it'd be easy to write him off as just an autoritarian crazy guy who wants to take control of the world for unspecified "greater good" but the arguments he makes are generally pretty compelling! and not just to readers, we see atsushi questioning the way world works and government's role after listening to fukuchi explain himself. its fukuchi's methods that are questionable not the ultimate goal of state abolition. and we still dont really know what his ultimate reason for doing all this is, just that he claims it's not revenge on fukuzawa, so im curious how this is going to get handled.

and the last thing is the brief anticapitalism theme in the guild arc but again, its like asagiri gave up on it before it became too prominent. fitzgerald is the ultimate capitalist and we see this esp in relation to steinbeck, whose dislikes list finansists in the enligh translation and capitalists in the polish one (no idea what is listed in japanese exactly). but fitzgerald is ultimately sort of redemed, with his (and poe's) wealth treated as a gag rather than a human rights violation

those are all the things that have been ping ponging around in my head and i hope this is in any way at least a little bit understandable. there are some things here that deserve a post of their own but id have to reread at least the last few arcs to talk about them in depth.

[idealspawn]

i got the highest grade possible for one of my philosophical essays but i dont even care. my professor told me in the feedback that my writing style is too complex, again. im so tired of it. i felt like i already intentionally made this essay extremely simple in wording but apparently i didnt. if i made it even simpler the idea simply wouldnt be able to translate. i literally had a huge paragraph talking abt why schools shouldnt strictly push analytic philosophy onto everyone over continental philosophy. the sentences are complex for a purpose. the point of philosophy isnt only writing fucking dry concepts but the emotional poetic nature that comes alongside it which simply isnt achievable when following the idea that the shorter the words and the lesser the amount of words used gets the point across supposedly more authentically. long complex words are necessary for rhythm, for emphasis, for accuracy. using multiple adjectives is important to getting the point across same to everyone with all the correct etymological connotations exactly in the way the author intended it. every connotation isnt always implicit for the reader even if it is for the author. the point of complex writing is to take the reader by the hand and on an emotional journey through metaphysical rooms in the mind. the point is the process itself not the overly simplified outcome. the feeling is an integral and irreplaceable part to philosophy. you cant grasp complex ideas fully without using fucking complicated language. analytic philosophy claims to be more concrete but logic and structure alone without experiencing the emotions cant possibly be concrete. philosophy needs the poetic part too, desperately, for accuracy. im tired. i came to uni so i wouldnt have to baby everyone through my ideas because the audience i am writing to are LITERAL SPECIALISTS in the field. i am aware that SOMETIMES i can go too far with the complex sentence structures and its fair but a lot of the times its literally necessary. the professors or peers never even fucking tell me what exactly should be different or how i could change it. how am i supposed to work on it if idk what to work on. if i knew or agreed that my writing is clumsy and complex i wouldnt fucking write like this. it feels literally so bizarre, as if i am living a diff reality to others. how is it fucking possible that i SIMPLY cant see what everyone else around me sees in my writing. their generally suggested style of writing is what i usually perceive as clumsy not mine. i dont get it. i dont want my writing to be stripped of any fucking personality just to please people who fucking cant grasp complex ideas. im sorry i know i should write for the reader but i cant fucking change my expression that much either. i tried SO HARD to change it in this essay but apparently its still too complicated. if i went any further it wouldnt simply be my writing anymore bc its so deviated from my original style and ideas. the complicated structures also give access to the complicated ideas. fuck idk. im sorry i know its not that bad and im overreacting but this kind of feedback is driving me insane. i keep getting it and i try to change but i just cant. my f brain just works differently idk. i feel helpless.

[rush-the-stars]

idk what kinds horror in a/b/o you mean, but i immediately thought about the subtle horror in this reylo fic called "Until You" by ever-so-reylo on ao3 (sorry if you dont like reylo. i dont. but i recognize reylo authors can be BEASTS and i just use cognitive dissonance if i need it) where it's like.. horror in the sense of how society limits and treats omegas and it's all very normalized. like the fic describes a marriage pathway, alarms on doors, omegas cant be present to hear the results of their own doctor appointment, how not getting pregnant is reason for annulment, and so on, and it's just so wildly subtle in how horrific itd be to live like this and i think the scariest part is, in parts of this world rn, there are places where women are treated very similarly to this. it's a one-shot and not super long, and Kylo/Ben/whoever isnt a dickbag or anything, he treats Rey well, and the author is good about making a distinction between "this is how it is here" and "that doesnt mean its good or ideal or warranted" which i think just adds to the horror kinda sorta, i dunno, i could see you having fun writing about a similar kinda world

regardless, id love to hear more about how youd wanna add further horror to a/b/o, bc what i was talking about was Handmaid's Tale-adjacent (not that i like Handmaid's Tale bc the author's a fucking terf and also, m'am, that IS how the world is like for many woc in various parts of the world, it isnt "even more horrifying" having it happen to white women too jfc idk if it counts as "apocalyptic" if its happening here and now and no one seems to care tho; but you get what i mean when i name-drop it however. anyway. i digress) and im curious if you mean in a monster-fucker way or sex pollen way or what, i find the concept of a/b/o + horror fascinating so, again, id LOVE to hear more pls ♡

firstly anon thank you for coming into my inbox and taking the time to share all this with me!! it is greatly appreciated!!

now to get into this!! i’m gonna put this under a cut w some warnings just in case!!

cw: sexism, mentions of violence against women/feminist horror, reylo (LMAO SORRY), a/b/o, uh romantic cannibalism, blood

i am so sorry anon i detest reylo lol. and sorry if anyone follows me and likes them </3

also i think this is very fascinating that i mentioned horror and your mind jumped to what is essentially feminist horror! not a bad thing—just something observed!!

i personally read a lot of horror outside of fanfiction and i read a lot of feminist horror specifically. or i see or have been apart of plays/theater works/etc. that feature feminist/gender horror in various ways. i write short stories that are not fanfic about this topic as well, so with fanfic, i tend to avoid this a great deal! it’s an incredibly heavy topic and for a whole year last year, i had surrounded myself in it (and acted in shows where stage violence was enacted on me by men, acted in roles where i was often in distress because of male characters, acted in emotionally straining and difficult scenes) and realized i was actually…very drained. and learned what i liked to see in these stories and what i thought was needless violence against women reiterated again and again as torture porn of some kind. but long story short, fanfic was a reprieve of that for me!!

(i know you’re thinking—but cielo! you seem to love yandere content! and you are right! but i think all my yan content i enjoy is seeped in a warped love rather than a gendered violence. not that both can’t exist. it’s sticky.)

more than that, i am also interested in a/b/o that breaks gender constructs and dynamics in ways and is not just an afab omega enduring societal and personal violence!

the horror i was mentioning more i think had to do with body horror, possession (as in, almost…demonic. spiritual.), etc.! romance as a horror. (“but the horror? the horror was for love”)

blood lust being tied to heats/ruts. an omega, feverish and in heat, slick with blood and wild eyed. some romantic cannibalism with the way a bite is for claiming. it’s vampiric. it’s a devouring.

it’s a conjoining. a possession. two souls being forcibly twisted together. the horror of having only one true mate that you cannot choose. that is, for better or for worse, only yours. the horror of not just being yourself anymore, but someone else and vice versa. your uncontrollable “other half”.

sublime heats/ruts where you cannot tell what is real or not, shaky snapshots of mind melting ache and pain, only relieved by one person. hallucinations or ailments that come from deeply lonely and isolated omegas and alphas. nightmares when it reaches a fever pitch.

omegas with needle sharp teeth and so much hunger that need to feed and take relentlessly from alphas. omegas and alphas with eyes that glow in the dark and watch too keenly.

rituals where heats/ruts are watched, the horror of bareness and vulnerability. the horror of being an animal in a human skin. of your own desire or pleasure.

also just the horror of being dependent on someone. of needing someone so greatly you’ll be sick with it. the horror of being powerless to their love. the horror of their power over you. or yours over them.

the twisted care. i am interested in strange/more uncommon dynamics; alphas who are nurturing and motherly in awful ways. who hand feed and coddle and smother. omegas who are possessive and violent towards other alphas or omegas.

i just think there is A LOT that could be played with. thought of. messed around with.

i also think we don’t see enough historical au with a/b/o….i’m thinking also gothic-style. western man vs. nature. cowboy a/b/o…victorian…ancient civilization….etc.

anyways, i hope you don’t take this as me like scolding you or hating on what you’ve said in any way—defs not that!! i just had a different sort of horror in mind!! like i said, fanfic for me is all about romance at its core! it’s a reprieve and escape from the work and art that often is very serious and heavy (whether feminist/gender horror, capitalist horror, etc. etc.) that i usually spend my time creating or apart of in my day to day life! it’s deeply important work to me, just not something i wanna do here really!!

[knightzp]

was tagged by @tuikoa to do this!!! im sorry this is super late ajkldf i had a very busy and tiring week but here it is finally!!

Nicknames: just call me miki!

Sign: libra

Height: 168 cm

Last thing googled: i just discovered theres an enstars movie and i was looking for any site where i can watch it but it isnt ANYWHERE *cries*

Song stuck in my head: since i started with enstars my brain is a constant mix of many of its songs switching from one to another every few moments aldjsk rn is melody in the dark and temptation magic

Followers: 244

Amount of sleep: 9 hours most days bc this course i have classes on the afternoon so i dont usually have to wake up early :> (and still im tiredsleepy very often i have a problem)

Lucky number: dont really have one but i really like odd numbers so either 3 or 7

Dream job: honestly just a job related to what ive been studying in uni for 6 years already (chemistry/biochemistry), that isnt super demanding/tiring, pays me well enough to live and where theres a good working atmosphere

Wearing: soft fluffy pyjamas :)

Movies/books that summarize me: uh this is so hard... ill just mention some of my faves: pjo, httyd, hxh. oh and ig loveless fits very well here too

Fav song: i dont really have a fave song in general but moon halo is my fave honkai song and silent oath is one of my fave knights songs (enstars), since its what ive been mostly listening to lately

Fav instrument: piano. i dont play it but i would love to!

Aesthetic: i never know how to answer this alsksk mmm hoodies + comfy clothes, the color purple, stars in the night sky, autumn, soft blankets, hot chocolate and cold air where you can see your condensed breath

Fav author: rick riordan and laura gallego!

Fav animal noise: i love waking up hearing birds tweeting in the morning, so that one!

Random: so. even if i already got izumis 5* card i also wanted nazunas 4* card, so i did just one more 10 pull and i got nazuna!! BUT ALSO ANOTHER IZUMI TOO????

aldjsk i dont get this gacha, just hope i havent used all my luck. also im a bit confused bc i thought this nazuna card would have a mv outfit but it seems he only has the room outfit?? idk

Tagging: @sstrawbearies / @astralx / @distant-snow / @emingz / @seapasture / @solarshadow / @skijjiki / @sandtastesbad (no pressure ofc!) and anyone else who wants to!!

[midnightmisadventures]

So this time we’re on our way home, i see he doesnt have any gas, so i say “you can stop here for gas” he pulls into the station and its dystopia city lol. Theres homeless people with broken limbs begging for help. Theres.....scary shit. So he goes ya know lets just get out of here.

So we’re driving and he’s being such a bad driver, constantly almost crashing. But we’re laughing about it. Then we’re holding hands, flirting, flirting. Massaging eachothers hands, being such a couple.  

And then he pulls my hand up to his mouth and i think he’s gonna kiss it. But instead he takes my two fingers (pointer and middle) and puts them in his mouth. And now its like.....hot. 

Like when i tell you i was turned on I WAS. So im playing into it, basically fingering his mouth. This is so graphic, but i can feel myself getting wet. He’s still driving but the sexual tension is building. Then he SLAMS into the break sort of. Pulls over. Idk if we home but i didnt care. He’s like...ready to fuck. So he stops the car. Pushes the seat all the way back and lowers it, and i get on top of him soooo ready lmao. I also still know this is a dream, so i dont have any nerves im just excited. Btw im wearing my yellow dress i wore to lias party. 

Anyway, now im on top of him, and i go in and kiss him but then notice. THeres puke everywhere. Like puke and drool coming out of his mouth, puke on his shirt, puke on the dash. And im confused?? And im like “uhh maybe like wipe your mouth or spit into something first” and im trying to look around for a napkin and not make him feel too embarrassed bc ew i just kissed his wet puke lips. 

THEN, the cops....or the town orderlies idk dystopia. Knocks on his window like get out whats going on, we need to search him. SO i quickly get off his lap lol back into the passenger. And the cops are like “what the fuck is going on” they didnt have any specific reason....idk it was confusing. So we were both changed out of our “school” uniform. And i think mark starts explaining to the guy that we’re on our way back from school. And hes like “yea i need proof of your uniform. preforably a clean one” so he’s looking and then the cops start searching his car and filing a report. And for some reason i was so confused as to where the puke came from and when it got there. 

So i was like “i dont understand was that ur puke” and he was like “yea it was me, i slammed on the breaks and boom threw up” and then i realize and am like “OH NO was it my fingers, did i gag you omg im so sorry” also being kinda cute about it. Like babe was it my sexy fingers teasing you?? And hes into it he’s like NO don’t apologize. Your fingers did nothing wrong, i wouldnt take that back, like i’d throw up 10 more times if it meant we got to be hot and tease eachother. So its kind of a cute funny moment, and i did like him, and i did want to kiss him more. But i just started looking around lol. The cops were here, we werent home yet. We had dystopian highschool again tomorrow lmao. I was like, this isnt worth it. This is a dream i should just cut out. Cause this can only get scarier, and what if i get in a situation where im stuck or in a scream proof room. I should just get out while i know i can, i dont feel like dealing with the authority in this dream world. 

So i leave marks side, go behind the car, and scream my lungs out. Literally it took all my might, i was worried it wouldnt work. Then i ended up in the “fake wake up” dream. And then i actually woke up.

Wasnt that a weird dream?