#also i was too lazy to blur the thing after trying to get a good colorin

[pitinthelanepages]

blurred lines

summary: after celebrating your first f1 victory, you woke up in a stranger's hotel room, naked... only to realize that the person you ended up on a bed with... is one of your fellow f1 driver.

pairing: guess who! f1 driver x driver! reader

genre: suggestive, fluff

here's the long-awaited part two of blurred lines

You tried to remain humble after your first F1 victory, but as the only female F1 driver, it was easier said than done. Half of the grid stood outside your hotel room and called you lazy and boring because you insisted on going to bed instead of celebrating a 'historic' win as they claimed. You no longer intended to be a killjoy and allowed F1 drivers around your age, Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri, to drag you out of your room after you hastily dressed in a black sheath dress that hugged your curves tightly enough to serve as a reminder that you were a woman.

However, things clearly didn't turn out well when you woke up to a pounding headache. You blinked a few times, and your eyes slowly focused on the sunlight filtering through the blinds. You surveyed your surroundings and realised that you weren't in your own hotel room.

"Oh my fucking God," you muttered under your breath, your chest heaving up and down faster than before. You gulped the lump in your throat and looked down to find your hands clutching onto the duvet of the hotel bed like your life depended on it. You widen your eyes at the thought of not wearing anything underneath.

It kept getting worse.

You didn't dare turn around, afraid of seeing the unfamiliar face that might be as naked as you at the moment. As you sat up cautiously, not wanting to wake the person behind you, you realised that you not only didn't remember who you ended up with, but also how you ended up here. You vaguely remembered buying rounds of drinks, dancing, and flirting with someone, but beyond that, everything was a blur. 

Suddenly, you heard movement from the bed behind you. You take a moment to muster up the courage to turn around and face the stranger. 

It would have been much better if you were actually facing a stranger and not a fellow F1 driver, that driver being Charles Leclerc on top of that. The one every girl has a crush on and you being no different than the rest, have one on him as well. It didn’t help when he sat up with his eyes closed, the duvet slowly falling down to his stomach to reveal the set of abs, his biceps flexing as it held his body to its position. A small smile took over his face as he hummed and faced the window where the sunlight was streaming from. 

You quickly averted your gaze, feeling your cheeks flush with embarrassment. "Uh, hi," you said, your voice barely above a whisper, your nervousness resurfacing and getting the best of you.

Charles turned to face you, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips. "Good morning to you too," he said, his voice husky from sleep.

You swallowed nervously, trying to think of something to say to break the awkward silence. "So, uh, how about that race last night?" you blurted out, cringing internally at how lame you sounded. Slamming your head against a wall sounded like a decent thing to you at that moment.

Charles chuckled, his smirk widening than ever, clearly finding your awkwardness amusing. "Yeah, it was quite a night," he replied as he squinted his eyes at you, taking a once over before stretching his arms above his head.

Did he just… check you out?

Despite being in the moment of utmost panic and awkwardness yourself, you still couldn't help but steal a glance at his toned physique, again, feeling a wave of desire wash over you. You quickly shook your head, trying to clear your thoughts. "I, uh, I don't really remember much after we left the club," you admitted sheepishly, your eyes settled on your palms in your lap. You were planning to look anywhere but at him.

Charles grinned. "Well, I can't say I remember everything either," he said with a wink.

You groaned inwardly, feeling even more embarrassed. "I'm so sorry," you said, covering your face with your hands. “I can’t believe a grown adult like me didn’t think of the consequences of partying so hard. I guess I went a little overboard with the drinks.” You sighed.

“You guess?” he teased and chuckled again, reaching over to gently tug your hands away from your face. "Hey, it's okay," he said reassuringly. "We're both adults here. Let's just chalk it up to a wild night and move on."

You nodded, feeling a weight lifted off your shoulders. "Yeah, you're right," you said with a smile. "Thanks for being cool about this."

Charles flashed you a charming grin. "Anytime," he said, before leaning in to give you a quick kiss on the cheek. "Now, let's get dressed and grab some breakfast. I don't know about you, but I'm starving."

You couldn't help but feel a little giddy as Charles leaned in for the kiss. Your mind was racing with questions and possibilities, but you decided to push them to the back of your mind for the time being.

"Okay, breakfast sounds good," you said, a hint of a smile on your lips. "But first, we need to figure out how to get out of this room without being seen."

Charles raised an eyebrow. "Oh, so you're worried about being seen now?" he teased, a playful smirk on his face.

You rolled your eyes, but couldn't help but grin back at him. "You know what I mean," you said, playfully nudging him with your elbow. "We don't want any rumours starting."

Charles chuckled. "I think it's a little too late for that," he said, gesturing towards the messy bed and your dishevelled appearance.

You groaned. "Great, just what I need - to be the subject of gossip in the paddock."

"Don't worry about it. We'll just sneak out the back way and grab some breakfast at a nearby café." he said.

"We can't go out looking like this though," you said, gesturing at your current state of undress.

Charles raised an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in his eye. "And why not? I think we look rather fetching," he teased, smirking.

You rolled your eyes but couldn't help but chuckle. "As much as I appreciate the compliment, we definitely need to get dressed before we head down to breakfast," you said, sitting up properly and surveying the room.

But your smile quickly faded as you looked around and couldn't find your clothes anywhere. You frowned in confusion, trying to remember where you had left them.

Charles noticed your confusion and raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong?"

You turned to him, feeling a blush creep up your neck. "I can't find my clothes," you admitted sheepishly.

Charles let out a laugh, finding the whole situation amusing. "Well, that's a bit of a problem, isn't it?" he said, smirking. "Looks like we'll have to make do with what we have."

"But first," Charles said, grinning mischievously. "We'll need to take a shower before we go down for breakfast."

You felt a heat rising in your cheeks as you realised the implications of what he was suggesting. "Oh," you said, feeling flustered. "Right. Um, how do we, uh, get up without...exposing ourselves?"

Charles chuckled, clearly enjoying your discomfort. "Well, I suppose we'll have to be very careful," he said, pulling the duvet up to cover both of you.

You felt your heart pounding in your chest as you tried to process what Charles had just said. Take a shower together? The idea of being naked in front of him made your mind go blank. You were lost in your thoughts when you noticed that Charles was looking at you, an amused smile on his lips.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, his tone light and playful.

You shook your head quickly, trying to regain your composure. "No, no, nothing's wrong," you said, forcing a smile. "It's just... I don't know if it's a good idea for us to shower together, you know?"

Charles raised an eyebrow, still clearly enjoying your discomfort. "Why not?" he asked, grinning. "It'll save time, and it's not like we haven't seen each other naked already."

You felt your face flush with embarrassment as you recalled the events of the previous night. "I know, but still..." you trailed off, feeling your anxiety building up.

Charles chuckled, then suddenly stood up, still holding the duvet around him. "Alright, I'll take care of this," he said, then walked over to you.

Before you could protest, he wrapped the entire duvet around your body, covering you from head to toe. "There you go," he said, his voice low and soothing. "Now just close your eyes and let me take you to the bathroom."

You felt yourself being lifted up, cradled in Charles' strong arms like a bride. You couldn't help but feel a little ridiculous, but at the same time, his touch made you feel safe and protected.

As he carried you to the bathroom, you couldn't help but sneak a glance at him. He looked so handsome and confident, his chiselled features and toned body making your heart skip a beat. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, you couldn't help but feel a little bit grateful for it, just for the chance to be close to him.

Finally, Charles set you down gently in front of the shower, then stepped back. "Alright, I'll wait for you outside," he said, then turned and walked out of the bathroom.

You let out a sigh of relief, then quickly stepped into the shower. As the warm water cascaded over your body, you couldn't help but smile at the absurdity of the situation. Maybe it wasn't the most conventional way to start the day, but you weren’t going to beat yourself up any longer over it.

[amongemeraldclouds]

sober solutions to drunk discoveries

After a drunken kiss blurs the line of friendship, you and Mattheo get in the way of your happiness, prompting Enzo to play matchmaker.

Mattheo Riddle x f!Reader

Part two to nine shots of firewhiskey, can also be read as a standalone.

Content: fluff, slight angst, spicy but no smut, characters aged up

✿ Masterlist | ✿ Mattheo Riddle Masterlist | 2.5k words

The faint smell of alcohol invaded your senses, growing more pungent as seconds ticked past. The moment you dared to open your eyes, regret flashed through you along with the bright sun that assaulted your vision, hammering drum beats into your skull.

You shifted, burying your face in the pillow, its softness welcoming you back. Except you shouldn't have spun so fast for the entire world itself spun around you. You could have sworn you've never been caught in a tornado before, yet that's exactly what it felt like.

You grabbed the first thing within reach: a muscular arm. It was enough to steady you, anchoring you in place. In the sudden calm, you could finally hear your thoughts: why was there a well chiseled arm wrapped around you? Why did it feel good? What were you doing feeling up someone's arm?

Oh, this arm belonged to Mattheo Riddle. Words drenched in alcohol dripped into your mind like lazy morning dew, "you don't want to fuck me?" You asked Mattheo last night, your eyes wide and body burning with lust and inebriation.

Now it burned with shame. Forget coffee and tonics. Never underestimate the unbridled force of humiliation to knock your senses back into you.

Not for the first time, you wondered which gods you had angered to have incurred another set of misfortune. It was bad enough to be that heartbroken girl who got stuck in detention, sunk her grades, and nearly got disowned by her parents. You also had to be the girl who practically begged your best friend to fuck you.

You shrunk, cringing inwardly as you inched away from beneath the blanket, careful not to wake Mattheo. You breathed a sigh of relief when you landed clumsily with a thud on the floor. The cool air kissed your skin, reminding you to retrieve your blouse from where it lay crumpled on the bed.

A figure stirred from the other end of the room, a bleary eyed Lorenzo stared at you with his sleep-toussled hair. You instinctively wrapped your arms across your chest.

"You didn't see anything!" You whispered, trying to get ahead of him.

He blinked then repeated your words, "I didn't see anything."

"Stop screaming!" you hissed, moving away from Mattheo, blouse in hand.

"I'm not, I'm whispering!" Enzo shot back, arms raised.

"Well whisper softer!"

You turned around, fastening the blouse back on. You had been friends with Enzo long enough to feel his eyes roll from behind you.

"Just use my coat," he whispered and you nodded.

You turned back, "thank you, go back to sleep. I was never here. I'll return this later."

You snuck off, leaving behind the sleepy boy and the boy you love. It was too early to deal with the weight of your feelings. Feelings were reserved for midnight musings. When the sun was up, you had to lists to cross off, grades to earn back, a reputation to salvage, and feelings to avoid. For starters, you desperately needed a shower.

Enzo looked at the spot you just vacated then watched Mattheo, wondering what happened last night. It wasn't like you to sneak off that way, but he knew better than to get involved. You and Mattheo were bound to drag him into it anyway, the least he could do was be well rested for the chaos.

As he went back to sleep, Enzo smiled. You seemed back to your usual self, if a bit jumpier. It was still a win.

The second the bell chimed, you snapped your book shut and were halfway through the classroom, robe fluttering behind you in style. You were eager to be the first one out so you didn't have to run into Mattheo.

It did not add up. Mattheo was your safe space, your confidant, and partner in crime. And yet, something had changed last night. Insecurities swarmed through your head faster than you could outrun them.

What if Mattheo only said he'd be yours because he felt sorry for you? What if it was just a drunken illusion that vanished with sobriety? What if you were better off as friends? You couldn't risk another heartbreak so soon.

A sudden collision brought you back to the present moment as your books crashed onto the floor. "Sorr-" you started when you saw those familiar curls again. Except you now knew how soft they felt between your fingers and you ached to reach out. To be close to him again.

"Hey," Mattheo breathed out. Your eyes travelled straight to his lips, his usual smirk now skewed and awkward. You already missed how they felt against your lips, tender and wild. Your breath caught in your lungs. As luck would have it, you bumped into the very wizard you were trying to avoid. With all your effort to evade him in class, you had completely missed the fact that Mattheo had been skiving off.

You lowered yourself as a distraction and started collecting your books as you gathered your thoughts.

"Mattheo, I-" you started and reached out when he handed you your book. Without meaning to, your fingers brushed against his and your heart was picking up speed again, drumming to the beat of his name. It was too much to handle. "-have to go." You ended your sentence and walked away, resisting the urge to run.

"You have got to stop torturing Riddle," Enzo plopped down the chair beside you.

"I did no such thing," you shot back, your friendship long past the usual pleasantries of 'hi's and 'hello's. "What's he up to this time?"

"He's been prattling on about you at the Astronomy Tower, an entire bottle of firewhiskey in hand. We've got to get him back down," Enzo explained.

Concern spread through you like wildfire, but you hesitated, your insecurities weighing you down. "I don't know if I'm the one who can help him."

Enzo sighed, "What really happened last night?"

"We maybe sort of kind of," you began, "kissed."

"Fina-fucking-ly!" Enzo slammed his hand on the table, the bang echoing across the library. Annoyed faces were directed at him and the librarian's stern gaze burned through his skull. He smiled at them apologetically, turning on his charm.

"What do you mean?" You asked, bringing him back to your conversation.

"Oh come on, y/n," he rolled his eyes. "Everyone knows you and Mattheo are end game, even Cedric could see it too. Fuck that twat for how he dealt with it, you didn't deserve that. But you and Mattheo, it's bound to happen like snow in winter or snakes shedding skin."

"You did not just compare me to snake skin," you scoffed, the weight of his words sinking in.

"Stop deflecting, I said what I said. He likes you, you like him. I don't see the problem," he opened his hands wide to emphasize his point.

"Great, now I feel stupid," you exclaimed.

"And Mattheo's being a tosser up at the Astronomy Tower, you two were truly made for each other."

"Lorenzo Bekrshire, you're a wonderful friend, aren't you?" You replied sweetly, your words laced with sarcasm. "Come on, let's rescue that wanker."

You slowed as you reached the final steps of the Astronomy Tower, the evening breeze cooling you down while your heart pounded in your chest. There was no backing out now, certainly not after going up those long flights of steps. Your legs were jelly from the effort and the anticipation of facing your fears.

You looked tentatively at Enzo, who nodded his support. Just before you took another step, he gently placed his hand around your arm.

"This is where I'll leave you two to figure things out. Lay it all out and don't hold back. It's good advice for sharing your feelings and throwing up. You'll feel better afterwards."

Your eyebrows crinkled, "but I can't haul his drunk arse down the stairs myself."

"Just follow my advice, that'll sober him up. Except for the throwing up part, that one's for Riddle," he smirked.

You opened your mouth to respond, but Enzo quickly raised his finger.

"No more stalling. Look, I've got this date tonight and I won't be back until tomorrow morning. So have fun, yeah? Tell Mattheo, he better not screw it up. I'm running out of coats." With that, he turned and started walking downstairs.

You took a deep breath and steeled yourself. It didn't make sense that your entire world just blew up months ago. Being with Cedric felt like a lifetime ago, and there in front of you, was your potential future.

Your heart ached at the memory of your kiss. A kiss more potent than nine shots of firewhiskey in the way it breathed life into your world again. A lonely garden now teeming with the butterflies in your stomach and the blossoming of hope and desire. Feelings you had nearly forgotten about.

You approached carefully, crouching down across him as he took another swig from the bottle.

"Oh there you are again," Mattheo slurred, swiping the back of his hand across his mouth. Your eyes followed the movement as you resisted the urge to reach out to him and kiss him again.

Before you had a chance to respond, he continued. "Of course you're there too, I was just talking to you here," he gestured to the empty space beside him. "I tried not to think about you, you know? You're my fucking best friend. To which I mean that as a cuss word, not that we're best friends who fuck, because we're not. Even though I want us to, which you do too!" He dramatically gestured to you and that space beside him again before going on.

"But you were drunk and I didn't know if you'd still want me when you're sober. And can I be honest? I didn't want to just fuck you. It sounds crass and I know that's ironic coming from me, but..." he trailed off as he stared at you.

"I'm sorry, look at your eyes! You're so beautiful and for the first time, I don't want to fuck. I want all the soppy bullshit poets write about divine dances and souls entangled. Load of bollocks if you ask me, but it makes sense with you. Why is that?"

You blinked, trying to catch up with his drunken ramblings. "So last night, you didn't think I was pathetic?"

"What? You are many things y/n, but never pathetic," he replied. "Anyone would have broken down if they went through everything you did and I wanted to hold you together, but you just got up. Day after day, you got up and you went on. You cried and you screamed and we drank, but then you went on. Do you have any idea how brave you have to be just to do that?"

Tears filled your eyes at his words. He was always more honest when he was drunk but it still caught you off guard how the boy with dark eyes and a dangerous smile hid an entire universe within him.

"No, no, no, hey hey," Mattheo reached forward as a tear slipped down your cheek. "I always fuck things up, don't I?" He said, cupping your face to wipe off the tear. "This is why we're better off as best friends even though I've liked you for a while now. I'll just drink my whiskey and talk to this imagined version of you."

You suddenly quirked an eyebrow and tried not to laugh. He was so adorable, you hated the roller coaster of emotions you were on but no longer wanted to walk away from. "Can figments of imagination cry?"

"Well they never did except for you, so that's new. Unless..." he trailed off, the gears in his head spinning albeit rusty from the alcohol. You watched patiently as his eyes widened and crimson flooded his cheeks. "You're real, aren't you?"

"Only one way to find out," you said as you closed the distance between you and kissed him. Of course it was a lie. There were so many ways to find out, but fuck it you just needed to kiss him. And there it was again, more potent than nine shots of firewhiskey. It was an eternity you could live in forever.

The weight of the kiss sank deep in Mattheo's bones, grounding him from the drunken haze in his head. Your kiss was sobering and intoxicating at the same time, a delicious cocktail of emotions that far outweighed the experience of drinks and drugs. You may have ruined it for him forever and he didn't mind it one bit.

Mattheo held you close as he kissed you, one hand at the back of your head, the other wrapped around your waist as you straddled him. It was always inevitable, wasn't it? Falling for you. You with your beautiful face, the way you made him laugh, and how he felt at home with you. His heart never stood a chance.

For once, he wanted to move past his flaws and fears, so he could finally allow himself to want you. He felt it with the intensity at which he sucked your bottom lip, asking to be let in. You gasped at his boldness and his tongue darted in to explore your mouth. He may be good at fucking shit up, but for you he wanted to try.

A grunt escaped his throat when you rocked your hips against him and you were rewarded with the growing length you felt in his pants. Your fingers were wrapped in his curls while the other moved around his arm, feeling up his muscles again.

You needed to finish your conversation before you allowed yourself to go further. Reeling in your desires, you broke up for air. You were surprised when this didn't deter Mattheo as he kissed your jaw instead, planting delicate kisses down your neck. You sighed in pleasure, ready to let go of the words, but you needed to reassure him.

"Mattheo Riddle, my sweet Matty, you should know you don't just screw things up. You bring so much life and energy wherever you go and I'm so happy I get to be around you a lot. You're a firecracker, Riddle."

"For you darling, I'll be a fucking nebula," he said, his lips swollen and hair disheveled. You took a moment to drink him all in and admire your handiwork.

Tiny fireworks exploded in your chest at his words and you giggled at how sweet he was when he was drunk, both on alcohol and in love. "Now what was it you told me last night? I'm sober and I still want you so"

"I'm all yours," he completed the sentence, kissing you again.

In between kisses, you asked, "and what exactly did the poets mean about divine dances and soul entanglements?"

Mattheo gave a low chuckle, "oh princess, I'm no fucking poet, let me show you instead."

✿ Masterlist | ✿ Mattheo Riddle Masterlist

A/N: This is the first time I've written a part two for a fic. Matchmaking Enzo is my fave!

[vivi-snow]

He is the best thing that's ever been mine

Pairings: Gojo x F!Reader

Tags: childhood friends to lovers (attempt), fake marriage (attempt), fake family (attempt), slow burn (attempt)

Summary: as the years have passed and your friendship is in a blur, an opportunity represents itself in the form of a rekindled closure painted as a family. However, the longer the performance, the more you feel affectionate towards him. Is there a possibility that the two of you could be tied together?

author's note: hey guys! It's been a while since i last wrote (i got lazy), and i decided to attempt a multi chapter fic. Idk if this is a good one, but in my head i kinda like the idea of it. Pls note that this is an attempt, so it may not be the best work. Also this isn't proofread (i need someone to do it), so expect mistakes.

Chapter 1: Everything has Changed

There wasn't a time when your childhood wasn't filled with Satoru. As far as you could remember, in your early days, you moved into a distant countryside right across what you later realized was the Gojo Manor.

The matriarch was the one who invited you over for a warm welcome. Your mom and she got along quite quickly after a talk over tea, chatting about how handful children can be. yet you never saw a child while they were talking.

Curious, you asked her where the child in her stories was.

She only gave you a pat on the head and took you to a room inside the large house. There, you saw a boy with features you'd never seen before snow-white hair, azure eyes, and an attitude too loud for a child.

yet despite this, you went up to him and introduced yourself.

“I don't make friends with weaklings.”

Well, that was unexpected.

His mother quickly corrected his speaking, apologizing on his behalf for his rudeness.

“Satoru never had any friends, I hope you understand.”

The next day after the encounter, they went to your house so that Satoru could personally apologize to you.

He gave you a hydrangea bouquet, which was quite considerate of him, but you simply thought his mother was the one who arranged the flowers.

Since that day, your mothers have been catching up with each other, chatting about mom things, adult things, and things.

Your mom would always bring you whenever they would meet, and when that happens,

you would often go to Satoru's room, since he's the only child your age, and try to get close to him.

The more you talk to him, the less hostile he becomes towards you. He would eventually be the one to invite you over, even when your moms are busy, he would be the one to talk about how it's very lonely inside the house, and when he first met you, he thought you were an assassin out to get him.

You were an empathetic person. You know how scared he must have been to always be on his guard 24/7. You tried comforting him with a hug, and that was the time you began to get close.

Over the years, when you would come over to his house, he gradually showed his energetic side. You would climb trees together, take lake baths together, and sometimes, he would often make you stay over the night for dinner, even having sleepovers.

Then, one day, he was doing pigtail braids on your hair. For a hairdo he attempted for the first time, it was impressive.

“You look pretty in pigtails.”

Pigtails have become your nickname ever since.

But the more you visit his house, the more you begin to see these weird creatures roaming around. A particular one that was stuck in your memories was a tall, dark, skinny creature with eyes all over its body, dripping saliva from its mouth, with crooked teeth.

It was already nighttime, and you should be home by now, but the creature was standing right outside his bedroom, and he didn't even seem to care.

“Satoru, there's a monster outside your room!”

Satoru looked at you with intrigue. He knew there was a curse, and he could get rid of it easily, but he didn't expect to see you to be able to see the curse.

“You can see it too?!”

He could sense your fear. He didn't know how to comfort you, so he made you wear a blindfold and guided you outside until you reached your home. You never went back there.

After that incident, you never went back into his house even when your mom would visit there.

And he notices, so he explains to you about curses and how his family was one of the major families whose job was to get rid of the curses called sorcerers. He takes you to the more private parts of the house where he practices his techniques.

It was there when you realized how insanely powerful your best friend is. You admit he was scary when he used his techniques, but he assured you he'll use it to protect you when you get scared.

When you were fifteen, Satoru left for Tokyo to pursue his sorcerer education. It was fascinating to learn that such a school existed. He would visit during breaks and holidays, but it was never quite the same.

His voice becomes deeper, and you notice he looks more handsome than cute. When you mention that to him, he would get cocky and boast about it, too.

“You look nice, Satoru,”

“Thanks, Pigtails! I know! And you're lucky you get to look at me whenever you like.”

His cocky side was mildly irritating, but you tolerated it. It's not every day you get to see each other anymore. Eventually, it becomes funny to you.

He would often talk about his new friends Ieri and Suguru and promised to introduce you to them.

“They're nice! I'll introduce you to them someday!”

Enthusiastic as ever.

Although you would often talk on the phone when he's in Tokyo, you two have grown distant over time to the point where whenever he comes back for the holidays, you would only exchange glances and smiles at each other.

You both eventually graduated. You decide to work in Tokyo with your classmates to experience city life.

On your last day at your hometown, you went to the manor for the last time to say goodbyes before preparing to leave.

Although Mrs Gojo was saddened by your departure, she understood that you only wanted to repay your mother's hardships.

“I'm sure your mother is very proud to have a daughter like you,”

“I still remember the times when you and Satoru would do reckless things in this house. I used to scold him very often, you know, but he never listens… My son used to be very rude to the other kids, but you became his first friend, and now look at him. He's having a good life in Tokyo now.”

she accompanied you as you're leaving, but you heard a car being parked at the gate. It was Satoru, coming home for the holidays as usual.

Mrs. Gojo hugged her son tightly, and then Satoru went up to hug you too.

“I missed you, Pigtails. So, what were you doing?”

“Oh, [MC] was just saying her goodbyes before leaving the town.”

“Well, since you're here now, I'm sure you have a lot to catch up on. Come inside now, you two.”

You were reluctant, but you did miss him.

Satoru talked about his job as a teacher and a sorcerer in the school he graduated from. You imagine he must've had a good life there.

“Oh! and Ieri became the school doctor, and Suguru retired from exorcising. He's now just working on the paperworks.”

“So anyways, how's life?”

“Well, i'm working in Tokyo.”

“Oh! Good for you! Where will you be staying?”

“I'll be living alone in an apartment near my workplace. It's much more efficient that way.”

He looked up the place you were staying. He remembered how there's a lot of places there that got shut down or abandoned due many cases of curses swarming there.

He knew you had a fear of curses, and he knew that if you see one, you'l just stand there and look at them in fear.

Curses in Tokyo were much more aggressive than in your hometown. You only survived because you were with the strongest, but what are your chances when you encounter one on your own?

“Are you sure about that place?”

“What's wrong with it?”

“There's nothing wrong with the apartment. It's just that, you live in a street where many curses would roam around.”

The word curses was already enough to get you nervous. You never knew curses were everywhere, even in crowded places like Tokyo.

“Why don't you stay where I live? I'll just take you to your work so you don't have to stress about public transport.”

You wanted to agree, but you don't want to make his work more difficult, but he confidently said that it was fine for him, and you shouldn't worry too much about it, as long as he could keep you away from curses.

You spent a good five days reminiscing about your past and catching up with each other. Now it's time to go to your first day at work.

He helped carry your bags to the trunk, and you both said goodbye to each other's parents.

“Take care of her for me Satoru.”

“Yes mom, I will.” He replied.

“Don't make his work more difficult than it already is, [MC].”

“I promise mom, I won't.”

You finally went up for Tokyo. Your life won't be the same again.

Tysm guys! I hope it's decent... let me know what you think abt the story! (I need someone to remind me to continue this story)

[dippindaz]

Snowed In (Steve Harrington x reader)

Hi! I know I haven't been posting, but my love was reignited thanks to my creative writing class :,) I also know most of my following was built thanks to slashers/dbd, but honestly I haven't been into either things enough to write fanfic. This is also unedited and was rewritten and copy/pasted like a hundred time for formatting, so please forgive me if something doesn't flow well, I just wanted to finally post it. Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy!

(Lazy) NSFW warning after the cut!

The windshield wipers struggled against the snow, streaking wet arcs across the glass. The chatter from the backseat had faded about an hour ago, everyone too cold and too tired to keep up the cheerful banter that had filled the start of the trip. You glanced sideways at Steve Harrington, who was gripping the wheel a little too tightly, his jaw set.

“You’re gonna break the steering wheel if you keep holding it like that,” you muttered.

Steve shot you a sideways glance, his hazel eyes narrowing slightly. “Thanks for the tip, co-pilot.”

You rolled your eyes and turned back to the window, watching as the pines zipped by in dark, snow-dusted blurs. This trip had been doomed from the start. The idea of a cozy ski weekend had sounded nice in theory—Nancy’s bright smile as she pitched the idea at lunch, Jonathan chiming in about splitting gas money. But the moment you found out Steve was coming; you knew it wouldn’t be as easy as she made it sound.

It wasn’t that you hated him. Not exactly. You just… didn’t get along. Too much history, too many biting remarks exchanged over the years. And now, with Nancy and Steve both insisting their breakup was ancient history, you were supposed to act like none of it mattered.

You had told Nancy you didn’t want to go if Steve was. Her solution? Essentially force you and Steve to drive to the cabin together, without any mediator so that you’ll “resolve” your problems. So far, not so good. It had been tense silence with the radio in the background and random sassy remarks from both of you.

“Car’s low on gas,” Steve said suddenly, breaking the silence.

“Didn’t you fill it before we left?”

His jaw tightened further. “I did. Didn’t plan on driving through a snowstorm.”

You wanted to say something sarcastic—something biting—but the knot of tension in his voice gave you pause. Instead, you nodded toward the dark road ahead. “There’s gotta be a station somewhere close. Just keep an eye out.”

“Gee, thanks. Didn’t think of that.”

You sighed and leaned back in your seat. It wasn’t worth arguing.

The gas station turned out to be a small, poorly lit shack on the side of the road. By the time Steve had filled the tank, the snow was coming down in thick, heavy flakes. The kind that made the edges of the world blur, like a dream.

“We should’ve stayed with the group,” you said, pulling your coat tighter around you as Steve climbed back into the driver’s seat.

“We’re fine,” he snapped, brushing snow off his jacket. “It’s just a little snow.”

A loud crunch interrupted him as the tires spun uselessly in the deepening snow.

“Nice going, Harrington.”

“Don’t start,” he growled, leaning forward to grip the wheel again. He tried once more, but the car didn’t budge. Snow was piling up fast now, turning the road into an unbroken stretch of white.

After a few more attempts, Steve let out a frustrated sigh and sat back, running a hand through his hair. “We’re not getting out of here tonight.”

“No kidding.”

The cabin wasn’t far—a ten-minute hike back down the road—but the snow made every step feel like wading through quicksand. By the time you and Steve stumbled through the door, your fingers were numb, and your jeans were soaked up to the knees.

“Cozy,” you muttered, taking in the single-room layout: a couch, a kitchenette, and a fireplace that hadn’t seen use in years.

“Better than freezing to death in the car,” Steve replied, already shrugging out of his jacket.

You didn’t respond, too busy trying to get the feeling back in your hands. A sudden, sharp clattering made you jump, and you turned to see Steve swearing under his breath as he wrestled with a box of firewood.

“Do you even know how to start a fire?” you asked.

“Do you?”

You crossed your arms and leaned against the counter. “Go ahead. Impress me.”

For once, Steve didn’t take the bait. He simply knelt in front of the fireplace, stacking logs with surprising care. The flickering light from the match cast soft shadows across his face, and you found yourself watching him longer than you meant to.

The fire roared to life after a few minutes, the warmth seeping into your frozen limbs. You settled onto the couch, pulling a blanket around your shoulders.

Steve stayed by the fire, staring into the flames like they held the answers to all of life’s problems.

“You’re quiet,” He said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, well, maybe I’m tired of arguing.”

You snorted. “You’re the one who always starts it.”

“Me?” He turned, his expression incredulous. “You’ve been throwing jabs at me since we left Hawkins.”

“Maybe if you weren’t so easy to irritate, I wouldn’t bother.”

Steve shook his head, muttering something you couldn’t hear.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

You glared at him but didn’t press further. The fire crackled softly between you, filling the silence.

Hours passed. The snowstorm didn’t let up, and the cabin seemed smaller with each passing minute. You and Steve had fallen into a truce of sorts, each keeping to your corner of the room.

It wasn’t until the fire started to die down that Steve spoke again.

“You cold?”

You looked up, surprised. “What?”

He gestured to the dwindling fire. “You want me to add more wood?”

“I’m fine,” you said, even though the chill was starting to creep back in.

Steve rolled his eyes and grabbed another log anyway. “You’re stubborn, you know that?”

“And you’re bossy.”

He glanced at you, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Guess we’re even, then.”

For the first time all night, you smiled back.

The fire flared back to life, and with it, the room seemed to breathe a little easier. You shifted under the blanket, the warmth slowly easing the tension in your shoulders. Steve stayed by the fire, absently poking at the logs with a poker he’d found, his hair mussed from running his hands through it.

“Do you think they’re okay?” you asked after a while, your voice softer than before.

Steve glanced over his shoulder. “Nancy? Jonathan? I’m sure they’re nice and cozy with heaters right now.” He said, his tone an over-exaggerated version of jealousy.

At first you nodded, then your eyebrows furrowed. “With heaters?” You questioned. “Shouldn’t they have been on their way here like we were?”

Steve turned his head to look at you properly, his face just as confused as yours. “No? Nancy said they weren’t leaving until tomorrow morning.”

“Of course they’re not.” You muttered with a scoff and rolled your eyes. “She told me they’d be here today.”

Steve just shrugged, he didn’t want to think too much of it, and you just seemed grumpy about it. Instead, silence fell upon you two, just the crackling of the fire filling the space.

“You ever go skiing before?” he asked, catching you off guard.

“What?”

He leaned back against the hearth, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans. “I mean, you don’t exactly strike me as the skiing type.”

You rolled your eyes. “And what type is that, Harrington?”

“I don’t know. You’re… less coordinated?”

A laugh escaped before you could stop it. “You’ve got some nerve for someone who tripped getting out of the car earlier.”

“That was one time!”

“Sure, it was.”

Steve chuckled, shaking his head. “Fine. You got me. But seriously—skiing? Yes, or no?”

You shrugged. “Not really. My parents weren’t the ‘weekend getaway’ type.”

“What were they like?”

You stiffened slightly, surprised at the question. Steve wasn’t usually one to ask personal things—not with you, anyway.

“They were... busy,” you said finally, choosing your words carefully. “Work was their priority. Family trips weren’t exactly on the agenda.”

Steve nodded slowly, his gaze thoughtful. “Yeah. I get that.”

It hit you then that he probably did. You’d heard the whispers about the Harringtons—the absent parents, the big empty house. It was one of the few things you and Steve might have had in common, though neither of you had ever brought it up before.

“Why’d you agree to come on this trip?” you asked, shifting the focus back to him.

Steve gave a half-shrug. “Nancy asked. And I thought... I don’t know. Maybe it’d be fun.”

“Is it?”

“Not so far.”

You snorted, tossing a pillow in his direction. “Gee, thanks.”

He caught it easily, a grin spreading across his face. “Hey, I didn’t say it was all bad. The company’s... tolerable.”

“Wow. High praise coming from you.”

“Don’t let it go to your head,” he said, tossing the pillow back onto the couch.

The hours stretched on, the storm outside relentless. You’d expected boredom to set in, but instead, you found yourself surprisingly at ease. Steve, for all his usual bravado, had a quiet charm about him when he wasn’t trying to impress anyone.

“You hungry?” he asked at one point, rummaging through the kitchenette.

“Depends. What’s on the menu?”

“Uh... stale crackers and a can of peaches.”

“Gourmet,” you teased.

Steve rolled his eyes but grabbed the peaches and a couple of forks. He handed you one as he sat down on the other end of the couch, the firelight casting warm shadows across his face.

“This is probably the weirdest meal I’ve ever had,” you said, spearing a peach slice.

“You’d be surprised how often I’ve had weirder.”

“Oh, really?”

Steve smirked. “Ever had burnt mac and cheese made with Kool-Aid instead of milk?”

You stared at him, horrified. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Dustin’s idea,” he admitted. “Kid swore it was the future of cuisine.”

“I’m guessing it wasn’t.”

“Not even close.”

You both laughed, the sound filling the small cabin like a warm blanket.

The fire was burning low again, the warmth turning drowsy. You tucked your feet under the blanket, glancing at Steve as he stared into the flames. His profile was softer in the firelight, less sharp edges and more boy-next-door.

“Why do you do that?” you asked suddenly.

He looked at you, eyebrows raised. “Do what?”

“Play dumb. Act like you don’t care about stuff.”

Steve blinked, caught off guard. He leaned back against the armrest, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. Habit, I guess.”

“Does it work?”

“Sometimes.” He hesitated, then added, “Not with you, though.”

You frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You don’t let me get away with it,” he said simply. “You never have.”

It wasn’t an accusation—more of an observation. But it still made your chest tighten a little.

“Maybe I just like annoying you,” you said lightly, trying to deflect.

Steve smiled faintly. “Maybe.”

The silence that followed wasn’t awkward, but it was heavy with something unspoken.

Later, when the fire was just embers and the storm outside was a muffled roar, Steve stretched out on the floor with a blanket he’d pulled off the couch.

“You sure you don’t want the cot?” he asked, nodding toward the small bed in the corner.

“It’s barely big enough for one person,” you said, pulling the blanket tighter around yourself. “Besides, the couch is fine.”

Steve shrugged, lying on his back with one arm behind his head. “Suit yourself.”

The room settled into a quiet stillness, broken only by the faint whistle of the wind outside. You found your gaze drifting toward Steve, his breathing steady and his face softened in the dim light of the fading fire.

“Hey, Harrington,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

He turned his head slightly, catching your eyes through the dim, dying light of the fire. “For what?”

“For not being a total jerk tonight.”

Steve huffed a quiet laugh. “Anytime.”

You smiled faintly and closed your eyes.

The fire crackled softly, its embers glowing faintly in the darkened room. You lay on the cot, staring at the ceiling and trying to will yourself to sleep. The storm outside had softened to a whisper, but the chill still lingered in the air. You tugged the blanket closer, but it didn’t help much.

From the corner of your eye, you could see Steve shifting on the floor, his blanket tangled around him. He sighed heavily, rolling onto his back.

“Can’t sleep either?” you asked quietly.

Steve huffed. “Not with you tossing and turning like that.”

You sat up, throwing the blanket off. “Fine. I’ll stop.”

He chuckled softly, sitting up as well. “That’s not what I meant.”

You crossed your arms, smirking. “I’m always the problem, huh?”

“Always,” he teased, leaning back on his hands. His grin was lazy, almost playful, and for once, it didn’t irritate you.

A comfortable silence stretched between you, the tension from earlier almost completely dissolved. It was strange—how the walls you’d built so carefully over the years had started to crack in just a few hours.

Steve glanced at you, his expression softer now. “You ever think about getting out of Hawkins?”

You blinked at the sudden question. “What?”

“Like… leaving. Starting over somewhere else. Ever think about it?”

You tilted your head, considering. “Sometimes. Not seriously, though. What about you?”

“All the time.”

His answer surprised you, and you couldn’t hide it. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he admitted, his gaze dropping to the floor. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love parts of it. But… sometimes it feels like I’m stuck. Like no matter what I do, I’m just spinning my wheels.”

You nodded slowly, understanding more than you wanted to admit. You leant down to grab your blanket off the floor and re-wrap yourself in it. “Where would you go?”

Steve shrugged, a wistful smile tugging at his lips. “Somewhere warm. Somewhere big—city-ish.”

“You’d fit right in,” you said, smirking.

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah. You’ve already got the hair for it.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “You’re not wrong.”

The sound of his laughter warmed the room more than the fire ever could.

As the conversation went on, you found yourself talking about things you rarely shared memories from childhood, your dreams for the future, even the embarrassing stories that only came out at sleepovers. He had even moved from the floor to sit on the couch, by your feet.

Steve told you about the time he got locked out of his house at midnight and had to climb a tree to break into his own bedroom. You told him about the disastrous birthday party where a piñata incident had left you with a black eye for a week.

“I can’t believe you kept going after that,” Steve said, laughing.

“Hey, I wasn’t about to let a busted eye ruin my shot at candy,” you replied, grinning.

He shook his head, still chuckling. “You’re something else, you know that?”

“You callin’ me stubborn?”

“Maybe.” He leaned forward slightly, his gaze holding yours. “But it’s not a bad thing.”

The air between you shifted, heavier now but not uncomfortable. You looked away first, clearing your throat. “We should probably try to sleep again.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, but neither of you moved. And honestly? You didn’t really want him to.

You shifted, sitting up on the couch, your back leaning against the arm of the couch. The fire was little more than a warm glow, and the silence between you carried a weight that neither of you seemed eager to break.

When you finally glanced at him, you caught Steve watching you, his head tilted just slightly, a curious sort of smile playing on his lips.

“What?” you asked, your voice quieter than you’d intended.

He shrugged, mimicking your position. “Nothing. Just trying to figure you out."

“Oh, please,” you scoffed, pulling the blanket tighter around yourself. “I’m not that complicated.”

“Sure you are,” Steve countered, his grin turning teasing. “You’re, like, a whole puzzle. One of those frustrating ones with the tiny pieces that all look the same.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Wow. Real flattering, Harrington.”

“Hey, I didn’t say I didn’t like puzzles,” he shot back, his tone warm, almost playful.

The way he was looking at you now—steady, intent—made your chest tighten again, but for an entirely different reason. You tried to shake it off, shifting your focus to the fire.

“So, uh…” You hesitated, unsure why you felt so off balance all of a sudden. “Why haven’t you left yet?”

Steve frowned. “Left where?”

“Hawkins. If you’re so set on starting over somewhere else, why haven’t you done it?”

He was quiet for a moment, his eyes flicking between you and the firelight. “Guess I just haven’t found a good enough reason.”

The way he said it—low, almost thoughtful—sent a shiver down your spine, though you weren’t sure if it was the cold or something else entirely.

“You need a reason?” you asked, your voice softer now, too.

Steve’s gaze held yours, his expression unreadable. “Don’t you?”

The air between you felt impossibly heavy again, but this time it wasn’t just tension—it was something electric, something alive.

You let out a nervous laugh, breaking eye contact. “What are you doing, Harrington?”

He leaned forward slightly, resting his elbows on his knees. “I don’t know. What am I doing?”

The challenge in his voice was subtle, but it was there, and it made your pulse quicken. You didn’t answer right away, and when you finally looked at him again, the fire light flickering those brown eyes.

“Careful,” you murmured, your tone wavering between warning and invitation.

Steve smirked, his voice dropping lower. “You think I’m scared of you?”

You raised an eyebrow, leaning forward, now your faces closer then you ever thought they had been. “You should be.”

For a moment, neither of you moved, the space between you shrinking with every passing second. His gaze flickered to your lips, just briefly, and your breath hitched before you could stop it.

“Yeah,” he said softly, the hint of a smile still on his lips. “You’re definitely trouble.”

You didn’t have a comeback for that. You didn’t have time to decide if you wanted one or not. In the next second, Steve was gently placing a hand on the back of your neck and pressing his lips against yours. For a moment, you froze—then you felt the warmth of his lips, the slight pressure of his hand on your neck, and something in you gave way.

Your hands left your lap and found Steve’s biceps to hold onto, your pulse hammered in your ears. When Steve pulled back just slightly, his hand still resting against your neck, his eyes searched yours.

“I—” he started, his voice soft, almost unsure.

You didn’t let him finish. With a gentle pull on his arms, you leaned in and kissed him again, this time with more intention. The surprise on his face melted quickly as he kissed you back, his hand sliding from your neck to your jaw, tilting your face toward him.

His touch was firm but unhurried, his lips warm against yours, and for a moment, it was easy to forget about the storm outside, the cold air, or the years of unresolved tension between you.

When you finally broke apart, breathless and just a little dazed, Steve rested his forehead against yours.

“Well,” he said after a beat, his tone tinged with something teasing, “I guess I’m not scared of you after all.”

You huffed a laugh, but it came out shakier than you intended. “You should be.”

His thumb brushed lightly against your jaw, a faint smile tugging at his lips. “Not a chance.”

The air between you still buzzed with electricity, but it wasn’t heavy anymore—it was something lighter, something charged with the possibility of more.

You leaned back slightly, eyeing him with mock suspicion. “Was this your plan all along? Get snowed in, flirt a little, and then—”

“Flirt a little?” he interrupted, grinning. “You’ve been flirting with me all night.”

Your jaw dropped, and you swatted his shoulder. “I was not—”

“Oh, come on,” he said, leaning closer again, his grin softening into something quieter. “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, but there wasn’t any heat behind it. “You’re insufferable, you know that?”

“Maybe.” He paused, his voice dropping lower as he added, “But you’re still here.”

You wanted to argue, to toss a quick retort his way, but the way he was looking at you—like you were the only person in the world right now—made it impossible.

Instead, you kissed him once more, though this time longer.. Steve’s tongue coaxed your lips apart and your tongues met in a dance. The kiss continues to deepen, and Steve’s hand slipped from your jaw to your waist, tugging you just a little closer. His touch was firm but not hurried, his fingers pressing lightly through the fabric of your shirt as if testing your boundaries.

You broke the kiss to catch your breath, your faces still inches apart. “You’re getting bold, Harrington,” you murmured, your voice low and teasing.

Steve’s lips quirked into a lazy grin. “You’re not exactly stopping me,” he shot back, his thumb brushing a slow circle against your hip.

“Maybe I just want to see how far you’ll go,” you replied, leaning closer again. Your words hung between you, a challenge and an invitation rolled into one.

His grin faltered, replaced by something darker, more intent. “Careful,” he said softly, his hand sliding just slightly under the hem of your shirt, his palm warm against your skin. “I’m not great at backing down.”

Your breath hitched, but you didn’t move away. “Neither am I,” you whispered, your fingers curling into the fabric of his sweater to pull him closer.

The next kiss wasn’t soft—it was hungry, desperate, the kind of kiss that burned away everything else. Steve shifted, pulling you into his lap in one fluid motion, your legs straddling his hips as the blanket pooled forgotten on the floor. His hands splayed across your back, holding you against him as your fingers tangled in his hair, tugging slightly just to see his reaction.

He groaned against your lips, the sound low and rough, and you felt the vibration of it down your spine. “You really are trouble,” he muttered, his lips brushing against your neck now, his breath warm against your skin.

You tilted your head slightly, giving him more access, your pulse racing. “And you love it,” you said, your voice breathless but still laced with that teasing edge.

Steve pulled back just enough to look at you, his eyes dark and focused. “Maybe,” he said, his hands tightening slightly on your waist. “But I think you already knew that.”

Your heart was pounding now, a mixture of excitement and nerves as his lips found yours again, his hands roaming with more confidence. The storm outside raged on, the fire embers casting faint shadows on the walls, but in that moment, nothing else existed but him, his touch, and the heat building between you.

You tugged at the hem of his sweater, breaking the kiss only long enough to help him pull it over his head. He grinned up at you, his hair messier than usual and his chest rising and falling as he caught his breath.

“You’re staring,” he said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Shut up,” you said, leaning down to kiss him again, your hands pressed against his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips.

Steve chuckled against your lips, his hands settling on your thighs now, his thumbs tracing small circles. “I think I like you like this,” he murmured.

“Like what?”

“On top of me. Flushed,” he said, his voice low and full of heat.

He had left you almost speechless more times tonight than he had since you’d known him. But you didn’t need to respond, instead his lips began to attack your neck and you tilted your head back to give him room. Steve’s lips explored around the exposed skin, leaving playful nips as he went.

His hands slipped under your shirt, the feeling of his warm palms tracing around your skin gave you shivers. He leaned back from your neck just long enough to pull off your shirt and bra, then he began to trail kisses down your chest.

As Steve's lips trailed down your chest, his hands gently guided you to lie back on the couch. The soft cushions cradled your body, and Steve's eyes locked onto yours, filled with a mix of desire and affection. He leaned over you, his chest pressing against yours, the warmth of his skin and the beat of his heart against yours sending shivers down your spine.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, his breath tickling your skin as he spoke. His hands roamed over your body, gentle yet firm, exploring every curve and contour.

You felt a surge of emotion as his fingers traced the lines of your face, his touch tender and intimate. Steve's lips returned to yours, the kiss deepening as he settled more comfortably on top of you.

His hands slipped lower, tracing the edges of your jeans, and you could feel the tension building between you. Steve's movements were slow and deliberate, as if savoring every moment of this newfound connection.

As he unbuttoned your jeans, his eyes never left yours, a silent understanding passing between you. The air was thick with anticipation, and the cabin around you melted away, leaving only the two of you, lost in this moment.

Steve's fingers brushed against your skin as he slid your jeans and panties down, his touch sending waves of pleasure through you. He paused for a moment, looking at you with a deep affection and desire, before leaning down to kiss you again.

The world narrowed to the sensation of his lips, his hands, and the warmth of his body against yours. Every kiss, every touch, felt like a promise of something more, something deeper than just a physical connection. You wondered if there was a chance for something like this before. Had you two gotten stuck somewhere together, alone, would this same thing have happened?

It didn’t matter. It was happening right now, wasn’t it? So, enjoy it.

As he kissed you, Steve gently dragged his fingers along your entrance, his touch sending shivers down your spine. His hands moved with a slow, deliberate pace, as if he was savoring every moment. He continued to kiss your lips, neck, an chest as his fingers worked magic, making you feel better than you had ever felt. But it didn’t last long before Steve pulled away to remove his jeans and boxers.

Steve moved close to you again, pressing a swift kiss to your lips before he pushed into you, filling you to the brim with his cock, his thrusts starting slow and gentle, allowing you to adjust and feel every inch of him. His eyes locked onto yours, filled with a deep affection and desire.

"You feel so good," he whispered, his voice barely audible over the sound of your hearts beating together.

You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him closer as his pace quickened. “Y-you feel good.” You strangled out. Both your moans and groans filled the once silent cabin, even deafening you from the roaring wind outside. Something you only imagined as being wrong, just felt so right.

Steve's thrusts became more urgent, but he never lost the tenderness in his touch. You felt yourself climbing towards a climax, and Steve was right there with you, his body tensing as he reached his own peak.

In the aftermath, you lay there, wrapped in each other's arms, the warmth of the fireplace and the silence of the cabin enveloping you. Steve's chest rose and fell against yours, and you could feel his heart still racing from the intensity of the moment.

For a long time, you two just lay there, enjoying the quiet, the warmth, and the connection between you. It was a moment of pure bliss, one that neither of you wanted to end. And when your eyes locked with Steve's, you knew that this was just the beginning.

[itsnotmourn]

CONCEPTS AND RAMBLINGS | "animal" cult pmv extras

thank you everyone for liking my pmv (and on yt and twitter) !! i got more attention than i thought it would and that means the world to me! <33

here’s some of my concept art + rambles for it!

the first thing i made up, the character designs!

i didn’t think to refine them because they were good enough to use LMAO... so i scribbled colours down, threw a filter and called it a night

i wanted a sharp change from the verses and chorus (since the song goes from calm to... louder) so i made it greyscale (with a red filter) that changed to brighter colours!

also changed the text font/colour for ignacio hmm. the font was hard to read, in my opinion.

ignacio's design

ignacio loses his bandage colours because that was too many colours for my liking… i completely forgot his hair highlights tho

ah and he doesn’t get a mouth until the fire scene too…

it was only meant to be done for a few frames but i thought it be cooler if it was consistent.

the missing mouth represents his repressed feelings/silence, or something like that.

skidad's design

i got a few questions on whether skidad was a goat. despite looks, skidad’s design is actually based on the herbiadean/jacob sheep! four horns!

i have drawn skidad as a jacob sheep before as well!

look at them ominous friends.

the resemblance to goats is something i considered as well (links with cult/sacrifice) so i think of it as a fun bonus

i gave him wolf teeth because the whole “wolf in sheep’s clothing” but also because i like it when prey animals are given predator features

i left the body as "human" because i only wanted the face to be censored… i considered clawed/darkened hands too but nah

skidad was originally going to be lined like ignacio, but i liked the lineless look for him so voila! makes it feel like he’s “not bound by anything”... actually, this is the same reasoning for the match to be “out” of the border, even though it’s ignacio’s hand

storyboards

i rarely storyboard (most are locked in my mind) but i figured it'd be fun to try!

halfway, i got bored of drawing digitally so i moved onto my notebook. i think it was a good decision; since i drew with my ink pen, it forced me to move on with my mistakes instead of clicking "clear canvas" lol

i had a pretty solid idea of what i wanted after weeks of listening to the song over and over again. the only thing that really changed was the mirror, which was replaced with a shadowy ignacio

the coloured thumbnails i actually did first, just to figure out out what i’m doing for the chorus part… limited palette my beloved

i didn't know where to put the text so i was scribbling everywhere lol

ratio changes

in the chorus, the ratio of ignacio and skidad’s frames changes! it’s more obvious if i combined them together, like this

less for ignacio, more for skidad

did you notice that the fire in this shot look like the cult ?!!! why did i do that, you ask? well:

the fire is the same “red”as the robe

too lazy to draw fire without abusing motion blur

mmm symbolism idk. it's somewhere there

it wasn’t in my plans but i’m happy i made the choice in the last minute. this was the last thing i needed to finish before syncing it up with the music

also this… i just wanted to point it out… make sure everyone knows... did you notice this? did you? did you did you? well now you do!!!

that's it !!! that's your trip into my mind!! okay byeeeee !!

[watercolorsam-arts]

Why the Minecraft Movie looks so bad

Okay, let’s see if I can make this work

Hi, I’m Watercolor, currently a student learning animation and visual effects. I’ve got some more technical explanations for why exactly the trailer looks god awful

I’m gonna do my best to explain this in simple terms, but if I don’t explain something very good, let me know and I’ll explain more. Alright, this is gonna be a long post

Starting off with the obsession with backlighting. See how it doesn’t really match the environmental lighting? That’s one of the major things that makes it look so weird to a lot of people. It could have been done to better distinguish the actors from the background, but it does that a little too well and makes them look way too out of place. The environment has a very nice constant (most likely singular) light source, which is most likely an HDRI.

An HDRI (or high dynamic range image) informs the animation software on how the scene should be lit, and is often a weird panoramic image of whatever physical area you want to replicate.

In a reverse case, adding a CG character into a real set, you could take an HDRI of the physical set, and use it to apply similar lighting. Adjustment will most likely have to be hand adjusted by the lighting team (and tbh they add a lot of extra lights in anyway. It just needs to look right) but it’s a fantastic starting point for the compositing and lighting teams.

However, the McM’s live set has way different lights set up then what is seen in the environment.

Here, for example, the live set is most likely being lit by standard 3 point lighting, which are not only the wrong color (the lighting on the environment is much more yellow) but also washes out any shadows that would help define the actors. If this movie wasn’t obsessed with backlighting, you could fix that by lighting the actors and environment from the front, but because the sun is in the back, they have to make the front of the actors unnaturally brighter to see them more properly. I have a slight idea on why the kid in red looks especially “photoshopped” in, and it’s mostly because his hoodie doesn’t have a similar reflectiveness to everyone else’s outfit, and his hair is a more neutral color, causing the highlight to be even more washed out. Also, while we’re here, the cube is a physical prop, but it was not lit up during filming, and all the light output was tossed on after. And it’s really inconsistent and honestly, lazy. For the most part they just hit it with a blue blur effect in post, it doesn’t actually cast any light.

Another major issue is the color difference between the actors and the environment. The color balancing on the actors is particularly garbage, they’re somehow desaturated while also being too saturated, I don’t know how they managed that. But the technical issue on why it looks odd, is because the physical camera cannot physically pick up the same vibrancy as the “camera” in the CG world. You might have seen an example of this when trying to take a photo with your phone, especially of a very colorful event like the sunset. It’s also why “ugly sonic” looked particularly out of place, he was 10x more saturated than anything else around him.

Having the actors on a very low effort green screen stage also completely ruins any chance of getting the proper ambient light or ambient occlusion.

Ambient occlusion is basically the bounce light from other objects in your scene, gamers might know this as a form of ray tracing (ray tracing is live changes in ambient occlusion, games without ray tracing bake in ambient occlusion to get a similar result)

When everything is CG, (again art style aside) looks pretty darn good actually!

I attempted some edits to see if anything could make it look better (left is original, right is mine), and I don’t think proper lighting or anything could actually fix what this movie has wrong with it. They should have made the whole thing animated, I don’t think any amount of bullying would fix this, the studio basically has to scrap the actors, and make new CG characters from scratch in the same style as the rest of the world.

All of this is not the fault f the animators, or any of the vfx team, they did their absolute best with what they had, this is 100% the fault of the higher ups on this project. I have no idea how this good this far into production without ANYONE saying that it was a bad idea (Either that, or a lot of people got fired, which is unfortunately a likely possibility)

[screampied]

Well if it isn't your 💀🎀 anon back again

Today's pick: EnemiesWB!Gojo being a sub lol

cw: Breath play (initially f! receiving but sis I am a dom so m!receiving a LOT), hair pulling, condescending ahh reader, Satoru is a sub pretending he isn't, cum eating (he cleans his mess), face riding, hate sex but not really, spit play, slapping (only twice me thinks), not proofread because ew Im lazy and uhhg a little tiny tad of CBT (he gets a slap to his cock. That's it.) oh uh there's also like a bit of premature ejaculation and ZERO AFTERCARE. (please do aftercare, people. it's very important. i just wanted to leave him a pathetic lil ho.)

It was no surprise you two didn't get along. And that was a god damn stretch, even. How you were always at eachother's throats, - fuck, you like it when I choke you? yeah? - how you always ended up with yells echoing across the room - hah! fuck! oh my fucking god, keep going! - and how you never had anything good to say about eachother - pussy's so fucking tight, you feel like heaven, baby - everyone, even a blind person could see how you two hated eachother.

So when he came with the offer of you two fucking to relieve the tension? It was an instant no. But a couple of drinks down the night? Well...

His eyes rolling back, one hand wrapped around your throat as your mind spins in the blur of lack of air, his hips screw down onto yours in sloppy, filthy thrusts. The ones that had both you and him moaning out and calling each other's names.

"F-fuck.... so good, so good-" He mumbles, eyebrows screwing together as your cunt spasms around his cock, his other hand busying itself by pining both of yours together in front of you. Your ass wriggles and squirms against his thighs, and he grins. "Awh... you look so pathetic. Almost like it's your- oh fuck, fuck, fuck, Jesus- almost like your everyday face."

While your jaw opens in an attempt of catching air, a moan comes out. And Satoru, cocky as always, fucking laughs. Absolutely pussy drunk, a sluggish cackle that shows you just how much he's enjoying this. A laugh that turns into a giggle, which quickly enough becomes a string of moans and whines because everyone can see how much this guy is a submissive little shit. His facade doesn't fool you, but you play along. The fun comes after, when he's overstimulated and you feel like riding dick.

His head drops itself on the pillow beside your head, embarrassed by his noises as he gasps and moans into the cotton, praying it absorbs the noise. It doesn't. "What? Tired already, Satoru?" You tease, running your fingers through his hair and tugging on it until he's facing you. His eyes are almost distant, and it makes you smile because he hadn't even noticed how his hands had let go of your neck and drifted to his own, trying to choke himself out. It makes you laugh in his face, likely just as cockdrunk as he is pussydrunk.

Before he knows it, he's on his back, legs kicking and thighs flexing as your hands wrap themselves around his neck, pushing him into the bed as you ride him silly. His usually loud moans falter into shaky, wheezing whimpers as he gasps out for air. While you absolutely bounce on that dick, his cocky personality fucking vanishes into thin air, and you take that opportunity to let a gobble of spit fall into his mouth. Which makes him moan louder. And louder when you give him a sharp slap.

He's stupid without much work, just mumbling something about how it was too much. "Please, mistress, please make me cum again, it's- nnngh, 'm cumming again, fuck, yeah!" He might aswelll have gone to heaven when you lean down and whisper such filthy things into his ear: "Yeah? My stupid fucking toy wants to cum again? You're fucking greedy, that's what you are. Mhm... . Use your big boy words, Satoru, you always have so much to say, don't you?"

His gasps and the fact that his baby blues are rolling to the back of his head, along with the sensation of hot spurts of cum shooting in you tip you over the edge. Maybe it's you, how much you love fucked-out submissive guys, or maybe it's just how pretty he looks when he's overstimulated, but it's fucking explosive. A zap through your whole body, that leaves your clit aching and needy as your thighs tremble.

He's still on cloud nine when you decide to take care of said clit. And what better way than having his sloppy, drunk mouth sucking on it? "Satoru, lay back." And he does. Poor guy probably doesn't even know what you plan on doing until you straddle his face. His dazy eyes stare up at how your cunt is oozing out his cum, and his mouth waters. He giggles when you lower yourself, and he's shaking his head side to side, making sure to lick you clean.

It's tangy, sure, but he fucking loves the sensation of your weight on his cheekbones, and how you're huffing about him doing it wrong. "My fucking clit, Satoru. If I wanted my cunt treated, I'd still be on your cock." The way you refer to him almost as a toy makes him moan, and he's taking the pretty puffy pearl into his mouth, wrapping his lips around it and running his warm tongue over it. Your moans are almost impossible to hide when he's being such a good fuck thing for you, and you tug on his strands when it becomes too much.

Slowing his pace, you cum fast. And while you're quivering, leaving him to his blissful state as you roll to your side and try to walk away (to fail miserably), he's laughing. Like he had just had three bottles of whiskey. The man was absolutely ruined, lower half of his face drenched in both your cum, his cum, and spit. Lots of it.

When you're already dressed, ready to leave, he's still there. Cock bobbing but sore, dumb smile still plastered onto his face. Oh, you'd fucked him good. You leave him behind with a stinging slap to his face and one to his cock, making him actually cum one last time (it even impressed you how easy that guy could cum) before you're raging out the door. "Next week, same time." You'd said, and you only heard a slurred "Can't wait, sweets" before the door slams shut.

-💀🎀

THIS IS EVERYTJINH enemies w benefits is so >>

lol why am i kinda soaked

HELLOO ??? idk if it’s the gay in me but i can’t tell who i want more. like ????? MISTRESS ???? THE RIDING TILL HE BREAKS ???? MAKING HIS EYES ROLL TO THE BACKS OF HIS HEAD ??? i love the detail soooo bad i think satoru would look so hot with his bright blue eyes rolling back in pleasure FUCKKKME.

i loveee this au bc why can i kinda see him falling for reader ? maybe it’ll be one sided, like one is in love and isn’t, do you get me skull bow bae 🌞 otherwise this was rly good as always i can’t wait to see what you’ll cook up for the squirt nation again 🧎🧎🧎

[fanficshiddles]

The Redbridge Hunts, Chapter 8

Loki smirked to himself as he put on his coat to head to work, he ran his hand along the soft, dark pink scarf and he couldn’t resist burying his face into it, inhaling deeply before hanging it back up by the door.

He knew stealing Claire’s scarf had been wrong, but he just couldn’t resist. She clearly didn’t remember about it, since she never asked after it when she got her jacket on Friday night, so he thought there’d be no harm just holding onto it for now, plus he hoped it would help him adjust to her scent so he could control himself better around her.

When he got to the school, he skipped going to the teacher’s lounge that morning and went straight to his classroom to get ready for the week ahead, since he had a flask of hot tea in his bag. He found Claire in class already prepping, surprising yet delighting him.

‘Good morning, Claire. Great minds think alike.’ He smiled widely at her.

‘Morning, Loki. They sure do. How was your weekend?’ She asked with a bright smile.

‘Fine, thanks for asking, and yours?’

‘Very lazy. I need to get a hobby.’ Claire laughed.

Loki chuckled. ‘When you work hard during the week you're absolutely allowed to have lazy weekends.’

‘I like that excuse.’ She laughed. ‘How’s Bat doing?’

‘She’s great. She misses you already though, said your lap is very comfortable.’ Loki grinned at her.

‘You should bring her in with you, I bet the students would love her.’

‘Oh god no, she would never want to leave getting all the attention here. Plus, I’d never get the students to focus on their work.’

‘Never mind the students, you’d never get your assistant to focus.’ Claire teased, she then went to her bag and pulled out a smaller clear bag. ‘Here’s the trousers you lent me, plus your gloves. I forgot they were in my jacket pocket.’ She said sheepishly.

‘Ah, I did wonder where I’d put them.’ Loki smiled as he took the bag from her and opened it up.

‘I washed both, since the gloves were damp.’ Claire said quickly.

As Loki reached in and pulled out his gloves, not only could he smell lavender freshness on the gloves… he could also smell her.

Loki stiffened up straight away, eyes wide as saucers. He swiftly turned away from her and cleared his throat.

‘I’ll just go put these in my car, so I don’t forget them. After all, I’d lose my head if it wasn’t screwed on.’ Loki said quickly and darted out the door.

Loki didn’t even register David or Michael greeting him as he raced down the corridor, passing them by in a blur. When he reached the English classroom, he ducked inside and slammed the door shut.

‘Well, good morning to you too.’ Jessica frowned in confusion as Loki pulled his leather gloves out of the bag and shoved them into her face.

‘Do you smell that?!’

Jessica’s eyes widened and her nostrils flared instantly before Loki had even finished his sentence.

‘Of course I do!’ Her voice deepened a little, so Loki quickly pulled the gloves away from her and stashed them back in the bag as he narrowed his eyes at her.

‘Why would she do that?!’ He screeched.

Jessica put her hand over her mouth to try and stifle a laugh, especially noting Loki’s predicament in the trouser department… ‘Well… like you are right now, she was obviously aroused and had your gloves at hand to help her issue.’

Loki pulled his suit jacket further down to try and cover himself. ‘Yes, I get that part, thanks. Why would she do that though? It’s like she knows and is doing it to torture me intentionally.’ He growled.

‘I said she liked you the other night, maybe she really really likes you. And maybe has a leather glove kink.’ Jessica shrugged.

‘That’s a thing?’ Loki raised an eyebrow.

‘Oh yeah. Everything’s a thing nowadays. Plus, maybe she could smell you on them and it maybe turned her on too much. She certainly tried to erase the smell, that’s a lot of lavender wash.’ Jessica laughed.

‘Yes, but smells linger a long time for us, no matter how many washes. No human would be able to smell her scent on this.’

‘No shit Sherlock.’ Jessica stated. ‘I’ve been a vampire longer than you, remember. I don’t need to be told how our senses work.’

Loki rolled his eyes. ‘Anyway, so you’re saying you think she likes me too?’

‘I’d say so.’ Jessica nodded. ‘Even if she does just have a leather glove fetish, I doubt she would’ve used them to masturbate if she didn’t think of you in that kind of way.’

Loki’s entire face went red as he suddenly felt very overheated at the realisation sinking in that Claire had actually masturbated using his gloves.

‘What do I do now?’ Loki whined.

‘Well, definitely don’t pounce on her when you go back to the class room, if you can help yourself. Just play it cool, carry on as normal. See how things go, court her, woo her. Just don’t go straight for the jugular.’ Jessica said calmly.

Loki ran a hand through his hair. ‘You’re right. I don’t want to spook her. I still need to adjust to being around her and her smell, if anything happened too soon, I might not be able to control myself properly.’

‘Exactly. That’s the last thing you want to be doing.’ Jessica smiled sympathetically at him.

Loki took a few deep breaths then headed for the door. ‘Thanks, Jessica.’

‘No problem. Though you might need to sort that out before returning to her.’ Jessica’s eyes dropped to his crotch again.

Loki grumbled and shuffled awkwardly out of the room, leaving Jessica laughing. He went out to his car and put the bag in the boot. He pinched the bridge of his nose and took big deep breaths, he really had to try and calm down before returning to the classroom, especially now that students were beginning to make their way in.

‘Think disgusting thoughts, think disgusting thoughts.’ He mumbled to himself as he headed back inside, finally calming down enough to be presentable.

When he got back to his class, most of the students were already in. He panicked for a split second as he hadn’t prepared, but Claire had sorted everything for him so the class could start.

‘Thanks, darling.’ He whispered to her.

‘Is everything ok?’ Claire whispered back.

‘Everything is perfect.’ Loki grinned.

-

The following morning when Loki walked into the teacher’s lounge, the vampire teachers were the only ones there, but they all stopped talking as soon as Loki entered. All of them stared at him with smirks on their faces.

He raised an eyebrow and squinted at everyone. ‘What? Do I have something on my face?’ He wiped at the side of his mouth, thinking he maybe had some jam splattered on his face after breakfast.

‘Jessica was just telling us about your… issue, yesterday.’ Hannibal smirked.

Loki’s face dropped, he scowled at Jessica as he folded his arms over his chest. ‘Oh, she was, was she?’

‘Sorry, Loki. I had to tell them. It’s exciting, isn’t it? That your soulmate seems to like you too.’ Jessica said innocently.

Loki huffed and stomped across the room to get his tea.

‘The only problem with her having a leather glove kink, is that a lot of vampires tend to wear them.’ Matt hummed.

David smirked and opened his mouth to say something but Loki cut him off. ‘Don’t even think about it.’ He growled in warning, knowing it would be something lewd about his soulmate.

‘Have you heard? It seems there’s been a few young vampires trying their luck over the weekend, feeding off humans in broad daylight, not killing them but not giving them the endorphins either. The police think they’re crazy, think the two puncture marks on their necks are self-inflicted.’ Severus informed everyone.

‘I haven’t heard that on the news?’ Loki frowned.

‘Me neither, nor on social media.’ David said.

‘I have… sources. They’re really putting all of us at risk, if news gets out further than the city, we will be swamped with hunters after all of us again.’ Severus said worriedly.

‘I’m surprised the hunters have taken such a back seat, we used to have them constantly swarming around us. Though there’s not been any in the last year or so, just a small rise around this time of year after the traditional hunt, which is expected.’ Hannibal commented.

‘Perhaps, someone is looking out for us good vampires.’ Severus shrugged.

‘What do you mean good vampires?’ Matt asked.

‘All I’m saying is, since we’ve not been hassled by hunters as much, perhaps the hunters are now the hunted.’

David turned to look at Severus with an accusing eyebrow up. ‘Do you always have to be so bloody mysterious?’

‘Always.’ Severus confirmed seriously with a very slight smirk.

Loki shook his head, he knew there was no point trying to get more information out of Severus, if he wanted to share, he would. If not, then there would be absolutely no hope.

That afternoon when classes were over, Loki stayed behind to mark some work. Claire had offered to help, but he declined, saying she’d helped more than enough that day and deserved to go home and enjoy her evening. Which was true, she had taken over the lesson for a bit here and there, while Loki observed. She seemed to be a natural at teaching.

When he finished marking, he began making his way down the corridor, he stopped dead when he spotted Chris outside with two students. Loki recognised the students, they were twins, male and female, had been in Loki’s class last year and they turned sixteen just a couple of months ago. Though most importantly, they were vampires.

Loki stayed still and watched the interaction, the window was closed so he couldn’t make out what they were saying, but it didn’t look good.

Chris looked to be talking very animatedly to them, then he put his hands on their shoulders and looked to be reassuring them over something. The students looked at one another nervously, then nodded at Chris, who grinned widely and patted them both on the shoulder.

The students turned into bats and took off into the darkening sky. Chris watched them fly away, then he turned slowly and looked directly at Loki, a wicked grin spread across his face before he levitated up and onto the top of the school, out of Loki’s sight.

Loki snarled as he punched the wall, his fist went right through it with ease as if it had just been made of paper. He hissed a little, then stormed off down the corridor.

He knew that Chris had just been showing off at the end there, with his levitating. Only the original vampires could levitate, quite a distance and height too. Loki normally didn’t care, since turning into a bat to fly around was good enough for him, though it did irritate him when Chris flaunted his powers in public, there could still be human pupils around that could easily spot him.

When Loki got outside, he looked up to the roof but couldn’t see any sign of Chris. He wasn’t sure where the students were heading off to, either.

Chris often preyed upon vampire students once they were of age, to coax them into feeding from humans directly, to try and teach them the wrong ways to do so, that it was the more traditional way to do it his way, it was more fun. Chris would get them involved in the yearly hunts to get their adrenaline and natural instincts pumping hard, making out it was a right of passage into adulthood to hunt their first human and suck them dry.

Loki had a really bad feeling in his stomach as he made his way to his car.

Neither he nor Chris had noticed that a cloaked figure watched them from the tall building next to the school, crouched down and armed with a crossbow.

[sakumasmut]

I wish I had horny thoughts to share, but the head is just full of soft Himeru. Both him being soft and being soft with him. Also the fact that his hair must be super soft. I wanna run my fingers through it so bad. Watch him get so sleepy from a bit of physical affection. Dozing off soundly right then and there. From tense to completely boneless in seconds. Good luck getting him to move. But why move at all? Stay on the couch... or bed... snooze a little too. Might as well when used as a pillow by the pile of vaguely human-shaped goo. There's no going anywhere anyway... because no way you'd ever have the heart to wake him, right?

Also (because this is a smut blog after all lol): sleepy sex best sex, I will die on this hill. It'd be really hard to convince him not to get up early (or would it really? If he doesn't have any urgent work... the protest is little more than keeping up appearances...) but once you do? No one is moving - at least not to get up - anytime soon. The sort of day where being awake and asleep blur into one, much like the lines between your bodies blur when he lazily grinds into you... or just cockwarming... spooning... the good stuff.

Semi-related other way of making him relax and melt? Peg him. I wrote half a novel on that for a reason. It needs to happen. He deserves it.

An oddly specific scenario (maybe one day to be written properly) lives rent free in my head about him just coming home exhausted, but the kind of exhaustion and stress that lingers and won't allow him to relax at all. If he feels like it, he gets to vent, whether it's actual verbal complaints or just him sounding generally disgruntled lol But while that helps (as does the aforementioned playing with his hair or giving him a much deserved backrub) instead of passing out with his head resting on your thighs like he usually would from that alone, it's clear the situation calls for more drastic measures. Cue the strap. Maybe he doesn't ask outright, maybe he doesn't even know how badly he needs it himself, but when a completely unintentional touch on his butt (Can't skimp on that! It's part of the back, so it gets rubbed. It's only right. Doesn't matter that he's flat as a board...) provokes such a sweet (not at all a reason to be embarrassed, Meru!) reaction, how could you not? I don't think him the type to be overly inclined to sub regularly, but after a day like that? No thinking for Himeru please and thank you. And just handing over the reins to be fucked silly is certainly the nicest way to ensure that. It's fine to manhandle and order him around a little, he's happy to do as he's told. But make sure to reward him plenty. He works so hard. Better appreciate him.

Lmao okay, never mind. This did end up horny after all. Mission accomplished.

I did contemplate whether to sign off with the emoji I still have claimed since you asked for a sign of life from your anons, but I feel like after this ramble you as well as anyone who's spent more than 5 minutes on the smut side of the enstars x reader fandom knows who wrote this anyway lmao

- @deepersea

I’d be surprised if his hair wasn’t soft to the touch, he’s got a whole makeup and skincare routine, so fancy shampoo and conditioner seem like they’re hand in hand. Definitely something you wanna run your fingers through rather than ruffle up.

Sleepy sex!! always good!! I do think meru isn’t the type to stay in bed too long in the morning, even when he has no work he has a sleep schedule to maintain. but a bit of lazy grinding won’t do any harm, maybe it’ll even wake him up. if you reaaaaally insist on clinging to him, he’s not against sleeping with his cock inside you, pulling you close so that he wakes up to your body warmth embracing him in the best way. though trying to pull out without you noticing is a whole separate thing, maybe it’d be better to wake you up with some thrusting instead…

I fully agree with you when you say pegging could fix some of himeru’s problems. getting him to be vulnerable is hard, but I’d assume if you’re already in a relationship with him he’s got lots of trust in his partner. so, if they want to help him relax, after a stressful day, he’s not going to decline. I imagine during foreplay you can run a finger down his spine and get lovely shudders if not moans from him, so while you’re pegging him, stroking his cock and rubbing circles along his lower back, you’ll probably have him cumming in seconds.

and let me know if you still wanna keep the sign off! I usually delete them if the owner reveals themselves like with crow

[waterfallofspace]

The Stray Saga

The one in which R/ei tries to adopt some cats, and K/azuki deals with the fallout of these choices. Set pre-M/iri, inspired heavily by the fact that we canonically know R/ei liked to take home strays, and well, snzbrain said ‘what if there was another reason he can’t keep them’. Absolutely not canon, or canon based, but hopefully that’s forgivable for the sake of –the plot– hahaha~ (does contain references to drinking/being drunk, as well as swearing and mentions of violence, so please be cautious if you dislike those things~) I do not claim to be good at this, first attempt trying b/uddy d/addies, so please excuse the lack of experience hahaha~ I am not confident in my ability to get their voices down, but I gave it an attempt! Also the ending is not my favourite, but I kinda didn’t know where to take it, soooo hopefully it’s acceptable~ Posting before I lose the nerve! Characters: R/ei (sneezy boi in this one), K/azuki, & a few cute kitties

Word Count: 4.5k 

“The First”

The first thought Kazuki had as he let himself stumble through the doorway was ‘I probably shouldn’t have had that last drink’. As the pounding headache he knew would emerge tomorrow morning started to push against his temples, the second thought he had was ‘I wish Rei would stop smoking in the apartment’. The third was ‘meow’. “Wait… what?” Even drunk, Kazuki couldn’t say he’d ever made animal noises in his head before… Maybe he was going insane. It would figure, living with a maniac that should have been committed years ago, and he was the one that goes ins-

“Mrreow” Another suspiciously cat-sounding noise cuts through his internal dialogue, this time definitely not coming from inside his head. Stumbling down the hallway, and leaning himself against the counter, Kazuki nearly jumped out of his skin at the sight in front of him. Rei hadn’t moved an inch from when he’d left for the club, and yet, somehow, instead of a controller, there was a kitten sitting in his lap. The smoke lazily rising from an ashtray sitting on the table was almost enough to hide the unmistakable smell of tuna radiating from an open can tha- yep, that sat right next to his hand on the counter. 

“Is that a cat?” He got nothing but a lazy snff in return, as Rei’s eyes never left the tv screen, where some video game related video was playing, volume muted, but captions on. Weird, he normally only watched like that when his head was bothering him. “I hate that I know that” Oh whoops, he said that out loud. Being drunk was certainly blurring the lines between internal and external dialogue. One of the unfortunate side effects that Rei seems immune from, typical for Mr. No-Weakness himself. ‘No Weakness’ except the utter lack of ability to care for himself.

His spiraling thoughts were cut off by an unusual noise coming from the direction of the pair lounging on the couch. At first Kazuki wasn’t sure if it came from Rei or the cat, till he watched a hint of desperation flash over Rei’s normally lazily annoyed featured, before he crashed into his hand with another light “hH’gxDT!uhh”. He was impressively still for it, careful not to disturb the ball of fur curled up in his lap, despite the itchy sigh he let out after signaling that this subdued explosion did nothing to relieve the tickle behind it. “Bless yo-” “heh’kTSHH! Ihh… hIH’kZZSHUE!” “Christ Rei, bless you, are you… alr… are you alright?” The desperation of them suggested the earlier stifle had definitely not been the first, and upon closer inspection, Kazuki could see the red tint around his nose, and the water threatening to release itself from his eyes. To his credit, despite releasing some of the most itchy sounding sneezes Kazuki had ever heard, Rei managed to not move his lap or disturb his guest sleeping in it. “You’re home late.” He grumbled, voice hoarse enough to make Kazuki wince, even after just a handful of words. 

“Lost track of time, had- had a good night atttt the casino, maybe had a few… few too… few too many drinks. You didn’t ans- answer my…. my question.” This earned him a low groan, quickly followed by a desperate gasp as Rei leaned into his shoulder to try and contain a harsh “hh’KSCHHue! Hehh! hh’ZZSHH’UE!uhhh… haHH’GNXXT’huhhh” only succeeding in gaining enough control to half stifle the last one, seemingly much to his annoyance, as he coughed roughly with a deep snfff. 

“That’s still not an ans… answer.” “You sound drunk.” “I am drunk, what’s yo- your… what’s your… excuse.” 

Man he was way more out of it than he thought, and he could feel himself fading into the sweet release of sleep, each blink seeming to take forever, eyes hesitating to open again.

“I’m going to sleep now, we’ll t- ta- talk about thhhhe cat in-the mornin’.” He barely managed to get out, before slinking up the stairs, with more difficulty than he’d care to admit, before finally collapsing in his bed for a well earned nights sleep. 

~~~~~~~

Kazuki was definitely more of a morning person than Rei, but that did not mean he was eager to get up before the sun did. And yet, for some reason, his room was still dark, yet he was wide awake. The pounding in his head he had anticipated was actually quite manageable compared to some past ones, and he chalked it up to the frankly atrocious amount of coffee and water he had consumed before coming home from the bar. “hehh’nggXT!uhhh. nngxxt! Hh’ihhzzshhue!” The reason for his early awakening quickly revealed itself, and Kazuki pulled himself out of bed, opening his door, to find the alarming sight of Rei sitting on the stairs, sniffling pathetically against his wrist. “Morning?” A low grumble was all he got in response, though it wasn’t out of rudeness, more desperation, as Rei gasped again, letting another rough “iihh’zsshhue!” go against his shoulder. They sounded less harsh then last night, but by no means less itchy.  “Bless you. Alright, are you getting sick or something? Because I really do not want whatever this is that’s got you sitting outside my door at whatever-the-shit-o’clock.”  “Snfff- I’m not sick. And it’s nearly 10am. I woke up and there was no breakfast.” Kazuki frantically turned towards the window to see that- yep, there was definitely sunlight coming in. Apparently his drunken self had decided he didn’t want to be woken up, and blocked any form of sunlight from entering his room. ‘Mental note, remind me to thank myself for the lovely experience of seeing Rei sitting outside waiting for food like a stray ca-  “There was a cat.” “There is a cat.” Kazuki pinches the bridge of his nose as he tries to take stalk of everything he knows through the haze of a hungover morning. There was a cat. There was cat food, and Rei was holding the cat. There was also no breakfast because he had just woken up. So, in conclusion, Rei had found another creature for him to have to care for. “Come down and I’ll make french toast. We’re not keeping the cat.” Rei said nothing, but let out a low grumble and stared daggers towards the wall after the last part, still standing up to follow Kazuki down to the kitchen. The mess waiting for him wasn’t unexpected, however the dozen cans of tuna sitting open and untouched on the counter wasn’t exactly Rei’s normal kind of mess.  As he started cleaning them up, Kazuki felt a soft brush against his leg, followed by a deep stinging pain. “Wha-?” He squeaked, eyes turning down to the cat currently attempting to use him as a personal scratching pole. “Hey! Quit it.” He was gentle, but firm, as he pried the claws out of his leg, letting out a low whine as the cat seemed to decide this refusal meant he was offering cuddles instead, electing to hop onto the counter and plant itself right on top of his food. Rei, for his part, was letting out a deeply stifled laugh, the only noises escaping his shaking frame seeming oddly strangled, almost as if the air was attempting to enter his lungs, but refused. “Oh, this is funny to you? First you wake me by sneezing outside my door, then demand breakfast- a meal I know you won’t even thank me for, then proceed to laugh at the stray you brought into this house ruining my food?” Rei seemed like he was considering responding, but the choice was very quickly taken from him, as he instead ducked into his hands with a rapid- “hh’zschhue-ihhzschh’ue-hahh’gnxxt!”  “Bless you. Wash your hands, like I said, I don’t want whatever this is. And we’re not keeping the cat, Rei. I’ll bring her somewhere after breakfast. I know a few girls at the casino who would love to have her as a pet.” Rei looked up over his cupped hands with a look that, on anyone else, Kazuki would probably call dismayed. Oh hell, or even ‘sad’. But this wasn’t anyone else, this was Rei. And in their line of work, tomorrow wasn’t guaranteed. They both knew that.  Besides, it was enough that he looked after Rei. He didn’t need to add a cat to that equation. Especially hungover with a sick Rei. Like promised, once breakfast was finished, he took the cat to the girls, who for their part, were overjoyed. Weirdly, by the time he got home, all the cat food had disappeared, and Rei was planted back on the couch with his game, not a single sign of cold left. Kazuki decided not to question it, whether he had taken meds, suddenly shaken it, or just never had one to begin with, it wasn’t his problem. He had a job to prepare for and christ knows Rei wasn’t planning on helping. ~~~~~~~ “The Second” The job hadn’t gone as planned, ‘like it ever does’ Kazuki thought, as they drove back in utter silence. He had a plan, he always had a plan, but of course he hadn’t known about the big bosses' deep fear of lizards ‘lizards, of all things, really?’.   And you see, because some higher deity somewhere had decided screwing with him was a great way to pass the time, a lizard just happened to crawl its way into the boss's office. Right as Kazuki was trying to get into position outside the door. Thus, sending the boss running and screaming right into him, alerting every guard in the place.  Thankfully for him, Rei was already in position, so after shooting the boss, and ducking behind a doorway to avoid fire from the henchmen outside, he beelined for Rei’s line of sight. This quickly rid him of his chasers, and he grabbed Rei’s arm and bolted for the car, mission practically accomplished. However, the most shocking part of the whole mission, and also why they were sat merely inches apart without a single word, was sitting in Rei’s lap, purring. How this man managed to find a stray kitten while attempting an assassination was beyond Kazuki, but despite protests, the kitten had been brought with them. Not an emotion showed on his face, and yet somehow Kazuki knew that should he attempt to rid them of the kitten, Rei was prepared to do whatever it took to get it back. So, they rode in silence. Actually, silence was the wrong word. It wasn’t a lack of sound, it was a lack of words. But sounds, there were plenty of those. The kitten purring, the car’s engine humming, and Rei’s nearly constant sniffles. After the first few, Kazuki had asked if he was alright, earning him an eye roll and a sigh.  “Hihh’nngt!huhh. ihH! Ih’ngxxt!uhhh”  And then there was that. He didn’t understand the point of suppressing them like that. Sitting right next to him, it’s not as if he couldn’t still hear them, and the laboured exhales suggested they were taking more effort then he let on. Kazuki supposed it had to do with not jarring the kitten, though considering how Rei gets when he’s sick, he wouldn’t be surprised if it had something to do with control. He didn’t know a lot about Rei’s upbringing, but what he did know didn’t seem all that nurturing.  “Bless you. Are you alright?” It was met with another eyeroll, this time accompanied by an itchy sounding sigh. That seemed to be a mistake, the flow of air triggering another set of sneezes. “hehh’nKXTT!uhhh… hhh… hehh’gNNT!shhh”  “Bless you. You don’t sound good, are you coming down with something?” “No.” One word is still better than nothing, however shallow the answer may feel. It doesn’t help that it’s followed by a desperate sniffle and rough clearing of his throat. “You sure? It’s okay if you are, but I’d prefer to know so I can stock up on meds and supplies, plus I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for fair warning if I’m about to be down for the count.” “I’m not sick.” Would’ve been more convincing if it didn’t end up sounding like ‘I’b dot sick’.  “hAH’ZZSCHHUE! Hehh! hH’RSSHHUE! EHH’ZZSCHH’UEE!”  The outburst nearly causes Kazuki to swerve into oncoming traffic. His wide eyed glance at Rei seems to paint a slight pink tint on the other’s face, as he slowly comes up from where he’d barely managed to catch the sneezes in his hand. The kitten mews in protest at the movement, but quickly settles back down with a soft scratch behind the ears. “Jesus christ Rei, you gotta warn me, I nearly killed us! Bless you by the way.” “Sorry. I didn’t feel them coming.” “Alright, but you do realize this is going on the column of points towards ‘sickness’ not ‘health’, yeah?” “I’m not sick.” This time it was Kazuki who rolled his eyes, pulling the car over to the side of the road so he could turn and give Rei his full attention. “Okay, then explain the mess that is you right now, because I’m not buying it.” Rei seemed to find the road beside them suddenly fascinating, the slightly pink tint darkening just a tad. Unnoticeable to the untrained eye, however Kazuki’s was anything but. He reached out a hand to Rei’s forehead, surprised to feel no unusual warmth. At the sensation, Rei’s eyes met his, eyebrows slightly raised. Kazuki sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, removing his hand. “Just testing, you really don’t sound good, but no fever. A cold maybe?” “I’m n- hH’KTCH’shiew!” The high pitched nature of the ending seemed to catch them both by surprise, with Rei offering a slight eye roll, seemingly aimed at himself, before ducking into his shoulder, away from Kazuki. “ehhtzzzshhuee! hAH’kngxxt!uhhh”  “Bless you again. You shouldn’t do that, ya know.” “It’s not like I’m exactly making the choice to sneeze.” Kazuki barely contains the urge to hit him, settling instead for an eye roll. “Not sneeze, I mean, suppress them like that. It’s gotta hurt, I mean shit, it hurts me to listen to you do it.” “It’s a habit. Hard to break.” Kazuki is taken aback a bit by the honesty, borderline vulnerability in the admittance. He goes to start a sentence, but isn’t quite sure how to respond to that. It feels a bit like taming a wild animal. Answer wrong and he might retreat even further behind his walls. Thankfully for him, he doesn’t need to ponder a response for long, as the silence is soon filled with a deep inhale, followed by-   “hehHH! Hahh…. Ihh…. hDT-” Aaaand nothing. Rei sniffles harshly, bringing up a hand to rub his nose, a tear escaping his watery eyes as they crush shut with a harsh “hH’ETSCHH’ieww!”  “Bless you, again. Come on, level with me, you say you’re not sick, alright, I believe you. Then do you know what’s causing this? Something’s up, and I’m prepared to drive you straight to the doctor if you don’t fess up.” Rei’s once again avoiding his glances, but this time his focus drifts down to the ball of fur still, somehow, peacefully purring in his lap. Kazuki takes a beat to think, staring back up at Rei’s watery eyes, twitching nose, pink tinted cheeks, and then back down at the sleeping kitten. A light but itchy cough breaks the silence as Rei once more seems to gear up for another fit, just as the pieces fall into place in Kazuki’s mind. “Oh you’ve gotta be shitting me!” “ehh’ZSSCHHue! hh’eTSHHH’ieww! Hehh…. hahH’SCHH’iew!” “You’re allergic to the cat? And you kept it in the car? And in your lap?”  “It’s a stray, it needs a home.” “And you need to be able to breathe! And I need to be able to drive us home without crashing! Look, okay, we’re on a nice street, it’s a good neighbourhood, someone will find it and give it a good home. That someone just can’t be you.” Rei still won’t meet his eyes, but the slight wheeze in his breath is enough to decide the matter for Kazuki. He gently scoops the kitten out of Rei’s lap, not met with much resistance, though the protest is shown through an attempt to sigh at him. Instead of a sigh, his lungs just let out a low wheeze and his breath catches once more. “hihh’ETTCHH’uhhh!” Kazuki opens his car door and walks to the first house on the block, gently placing the kitten on the doorstep, and ringing the bell, before quickly making his escape back to the car. ‘It’ll be well cared for’ he tells himself. He follows it up with a mental note to pick up allergy medication on their way home as he watches Rei duck violently into his hands four times as he walks back to the car. “Bless you. I’m sorry you couldn’t keep the cat, Rei.” No answer comes, aside from a light whistling noise when he breathes out a light sigh. The tension eases a bit after Kazuki brings him some allergy meds, a bottle of water, and a candy bar as an apology. Once they’re back at home, and not trapped in the dander infested car, the whistling in Rei’s lungs dies away as he sits back into his spot on the couch, picking up his controller, and diving back into his game. Kazuki decides to have the car cleaned before their next mission, claiming in his head that it’s to keep Rei from being compromised, though if he’s honest with himself, the wheezing near the end was still haunting his mind. It’s not like they tell each other everything, but something like a cat allergy this severe should have at least been mentioned, right..? ~~~~~~~~~~ “The Last”  So far the day had seemed like any other. Kazuki woke up, cooked breakfast, got no thank you (as usual), and went to work on the documents for their next job. The only difference was something most people would consider small, but to Kazuki, it felt like the end of the world as he knew it. Rei was not sitting on the couch. He had come down for food, eaten, and returned to his bedroom, locking the door behind him. Kazuki had heard some muffled sounds, but nothing specific enough to pinpoint, and honestly? It was starting to really set him on edge. There were some days where Rei would leave the house to go somewhere, usually just to the store to pick up a new game, or get some food he wanted. There were days when he would go to his room or the office for a while and clean his guns. But there had never, in the history of Kazuki living here, been a day where he stayed in his room the whole time without coming down to play games even once.  Finally, after Rei skipping the lunch he made, despite calling him down to eat, Kazuki decided enough was enough. Not being on the couch was off putting. Not playing games was enough to make him twitch. But skipping a meal? That was enough to shake him to his core.  Making his way to Rei’s room, he paused outside the door, suddenly very aware that he had absolutely no idea what he was about to walk in on. He reached up to knock, and let his hand hang in the air as he heard a noise from inside. “mMPFFSHH!uhh… hehh’MMFFSHHuee! haH’NGGXXT!uhhh”  “Hey, Rei? You in there?” Kazuki called, letting his knuckles hit the solid wood a few times to punctuate the question. A rough snfff is his reply, as well as a few itchy sounding coughs, before a hoarse voice calls back, “It’s open.” Gently pushing the door open, Kazuki half expects to see Rei laying on the floor bleeding out. What instead greets him is Rei, sitting on the floor, cross-legged, one wrist under his nose, the other hand not-so-subtly pulling the blanket from his bed down a bit further. “You didn’t come eat, I was a bit worried someone had finally got the drop on you. What… uh…. what are you doing..?” “I’m juuhhhst hehH-” He trails off, hand loosely held in front of his face, hazily staring at the ceiling, until after what feels like forever, “hH’KSSCHH’iew!” “Bless you.” With a harsh sniff and a clearing of his throat, Rei continues, ignoring the blessing. “Just working on some plans for a job.” Kazuki’s eyes follow Rei’s over to a stack of papers next to him. Sure enough, it looks like plans to a building Kyu had told them about the other day. However, this didn’t satisfy Kazuki’s curiosity, if anything, this was more worrying than bleeding out on the floor. “So you’re just… sitting up here alone… working on plans… that I didn’t ask you to…?”  “Yes.” “And you decided to do this, out of your own free will, just to be helpful?” “Yes.” “And because you were so wrapped up in working, you forgot to come eat lunch?” “Yehehh… hH’MMPFFSHH’ieww!”  Rei cuts himself off with a sneeze rapidly muffled in his arm. “Bless you. Yeah, I’m not buying it. You never do this kind of work without being practically begged, unless you have an ulterior motive. So what’s going on? Did you do something unforgivable, and this is how you’re hoping to get out of it?” Rei almost looks guilty, eyes darting to the space below his bed that his blanket was pulled down to cover. “What’s under your bed, Rei.” It’s a question, but it’s not phrased as one. More of a demand. “Nothing.” “Then lift up the blanket.” The silence in the room is palpable. The tension in the air making it feel as if it was vibrating, which apparently was all the motivation Rei’s twitching nose needed to rebel once more. “hH’TCHHuue! hEH’SHHH’ieww! ETSCHH-heh’TSHH-hH’RSHHoo!” “Bless you.” Slipped out before Kazuki could even think about it, a deeply ingrained habit. Technically Rei broke the silence first, but still, speaking the first words felt like admitting defeat. But he wouldn’t be broken that easily, he was an assassin after all. “Okay Rei, either you can lift up the blanket and show me, or I can do it myself, though that’ll be a bit awkward for both of us, so maybe do me a favour and do it yourself?” Rei’s watery eyes met his, guilt still visible beneath the surface. Wait a minute, watery eyes, weird behaviour, and of course the- “hihh’ZSCHHoo!”  “Rei. Are you hiding a cat in here?” There’s no answer, but at the moment, Rei isn’t exactly in a position to provide one, his eyes still closed, nose twitching wildly, wrist hovering in front of his face, breath hitching with no restraint. “A- are you alright..?” “Cahhh- can’t sneeze… wohhhn’t hihH- won’t come ouhhht… hDT-” Another itchy exhale follows, his nose practically vibrating at this point. Without stopping to think about it, Kazuki reaches out his hand, and gently runs his finger down the bridge of Rei’s nose, prompting a harsh gasp. “hEH! HH’ZZSHHHOO! hh’ETSCHHHOO! KTSSHHOO! Hihh… hehh! heHH’GTSHHOO!” “Bless you. Sorry about that, just looked like you needed it.” Kazuki said with a slight blush, refusing to meet Rei’s eyes as they risked a glance towards him. “It’s okay. Thanks, I guess.” “Yeah, let's not talk about it.” “Okay.” Kazuki didn’t miss the glance Rei threw back to his bed, sighing as it basically confirmed the earlier question Rei had avoided. “There’s a cat in here isn’t there.” “....Yes.” “You know you can’t keep it, right?” Rei just sighed, reaching under his bed and guiding a fluffy calico out. It purred sweetly, rubbing against Kazuki’s leg. Where Rei kept finding these friendly strays was lost on him, though he guessed there was a lot about this man that he still didn’t know.  “You’re allergic. Badly allergic. Why do you keep taking them in, knowing you can’t keep them?” There’s no answer to this one either, but something about the vulnerability in the look Rei takes on tugs on Kazuki’s heartstrings. “I’m too tired to go out tonight. It can stay for one more night, but I’m bringing it back to where you found it tomorrow. And you have to take meds, I’m honestly surprised you haven’t taken them already.” “I forgot.” His words are stuffy, and his sentence is short, but there’s a light in his eyes that Kazuki can’t deny is worth it. “Figures. Well, as I said, you can’t keep it. Just one more night, then it’s going back. In our line of work, we aren’t promised a tomorrow. We have to think about more than just ourselves. If we didn’t make it home, who would look after the cat? People who get hurt, it won’t just be us. You gotta think about that before you bring someone into your world.” There’s more meaning to the words than just a cat, and they both know it. But they also both know enough to not mention it. And there’s more to Rei wanting a cat then just wanting to take in strays. They both know that too. But again, the unspoken pact of silence remains. ~~~~~~~~~~ True to his word, Kazuki makes Rei take some meds, but lets him keep the cat for the night. When he wakes up in the morning and finds Rei asleep with the cat on the couch snuggled up to his chest, he almost breaks. But he can’t shake that voice in his head, the one that always likes to remind him that everyone they choose to love is in danger of losing them, or worse. Instead of waking Rei and making him go through a goodbye, Katsuki slips the cat into his arms, careful to close the door quietly. By the time he makes it back home, Rei is awake and gaming, no sign in his demeanour that there was ever something amiss. Kazuki thinks about telling him that he brought the cat back, but there’s no point. Rei knows that, and it’s not like telling him would change anything. “No more cats, okay?” There’s silence, but the slight sigh Rei releases gives him his answer. No more cats. Turns out, in a mere matter of weeks, it won’t matter to Rei anymore that they don’t have a cat. They get something much better, something that can give them both everything they’re missing. Fill a hole they didn’t even know they had~

[shapemydestiny]

2022 - 2023

Holy crap has It been a long time since i've journaled.... Looking back it's weird to think how much things have yet haven't changed since my last post.

Last time I posted, the pandemic was still pretty much a thing If I recall correctly. Honestly the last few years have kind of blurred together. I didn't end up seeing a new therapist. I might've had one session with her, but went back to my other one.

My First Job

In Spring of 2022, I landed my first software engineering job. It was at a healthcare SaaS startup and I was the second engineer to be hired. The other engineer was working part time, and went working full time the same day I started. I learned a good amount from this job, but overtime didn't like the structure and leadership of my boss. Yelling at you for being slow to help him on your day off when you're not even on call, getting mad for not violating a government's TOS for their API, and having no problem with questionably obtained software, not taking cybersecurity concerns seriously, etc. I was fired in February of 2024. That's a story for later.

Social Life

I believe in fall of 2021, I joined a discord server that I found on reddit. We all are part of a group of degenerates who's special interest is too taboo to disclose publicly... even in an anonymous journal. I've really made some good friends that I talk to every single day.

Honestly 2022 was pretty uneventful if I can recall back that far other than me getting my first job. I spent a lot of time with an online friend "X" helping with his emotional issues and he was very emotionally abusive, which got worse over time.

Things seemed to have gotten better towards the end of the year. I wanted to go to Disney World and I wanted to go before Splash Mountain closed in January 😭. He said he was going to pay for his ticket, but never paid me back. He threatened to leave me at Disney because he was always drunk when he said he wouldn't drink. Honestly the entire trip was a hot mess. I had fun on the rides, but really wish I went with someone else... I finally cut ties with X towards the end of 2023 or at the beginning of 2024.

Long Term COVID

After coming back, I got long term COVID, causing me to have horrible brain fog, fatigue, etc. It made it really hard to work and I nearly went on disability after talking with my therapist. However, my work was being aggressive with me going on disability, despite them paying into it. They would only pay for one month of COBRA and that would be it, and it sounded like they'd only let me take a month of disability. Well considering that they had "unlimited" PTO I just took more PTO time - I was trying to save them having to pay my salary during this time, their loss. To be honest it really never got better. I continued to have brain fog through the rest of the year and still do to a certain extent.

Mental and Physical Health

Honestly, my mental health and processing never truly got better after long term covid, it only got better than the beginning. I felt guilty spending so much of my time gaming with my online friend Eli, but I honestly didn't have the mental capacity to work at a higher amount than I was doing. Honestly, keeping a stable 40 hour job is something that gives me a LOT of anxiety. It's not that i'm choosing to be lazy or not want to work, it's that I don't have the focus or cognitive energy to give that time commitment. It makes me feel really shitty saying that. After all I am physically not disabled, and people have it way worse than I do. I don't want to be a burden but I feel like such a piece of shit for having the privileged life I do but still struggle. First world problems am I right?

As far as I've been told my diagnosis are BED, ADHD, bipolar type II, OCD, social anxiety, general anxiety. Turns out I also have high cholesterol, am pre-diabetic and have sleep apena. That's been fun 😡.

[allyear-lff]

Glass onion

I should have posted this ages ago. I had an outline in place since 2022, but all 2023 was a blur that ended with a very busy December watching #LFF's films in planes and at 6am during December before helping with a relative's care the rest of the day.

Never mind, I give you my very delayed take, after this I will post reviews as I see new films while trying to catch up with all the rest.

Summary: a bunch of quite distasteful characters are invited to a party with an unusual twist, Benoit Blanc, from Knives Out fame, joins the party to untangle a network of lies and deception, but there are far more sinister things at play involving greed, backstabbing and possibly worse.

Musings without spoilers: after the success of the first film introducing the Benoit Blanc character a second film was all but a given, the killer mix of James Bond's looks with Hercule Poirot's sleuthing skills was too much to resist for the enterprising people in Netflix.

The plot meanders like a lazy snake and then delivers its bite, the preparation of the triumph of Benoit Blanc will catch no one by surprise in spite of the intricate entertaining plot, salted with enough eye candy to satisfy both male and female (I imagine) movie goers and with cameos of the likes of Angela Lansbury, Yo Yo Ma (really) and some others I really didn't catch.

The boisterous disorganised silly resolution, full of unnecessary bells and whistles, makes the whole thing preposterous, but everybody on screen seems to be having a good time so why shouldn't we?

Good undemanding fun with all the actors playing their roles just in the right side of over the top.

Musings full of spoilers:

The film opens with mystery boxes containing a puzzle sent during the height of the pandemic by Miles Bron, a Muskesque techbro, to a disparate group of friends (Lionel's a scientist dealing with what seems one of Miles' bad ideas, Claire's a state Governor running for reelection, Birdie Jay's a party crazy fashion insider, Duke's a larger than life over tattooed man whom by his own surprise became an early influencer, Whiskey's Duke's sexy girlfriend and Peg who is Birdie's suffering assistant), the friends coordinate to solve the puzzle which once solved contains an invitation to meet Miles in his private island, but this is no idle invitation since he is requesting they solve his own murder.

We also see an attractive woman hacking one of these boxes to pieces to get her invitation and finally we see Benoit Blanc, our true detective, who is desperate to get a case (we are in lockdown after all), being told there's a box for him while he is in the bath (we don't see his box just yet).

Something that transpires early as the characters meet to take a boat to Miles'private island is that Andi, the woman that hacked her box, is not really part of the gang and they are all puzzled to see her there, Benoit is unknown to everybody else and watch from the sidelines..

On arrival Miles introduces them to the Glass Onion, his house on the island, he becomes pensive when he greets Andi but is truly puzzled by Benoit's presence, he takes Benoit aside to clarify why he's there since he didn't invite him, Benoit insists that he got a box and they concur that probably one of the guests reassembled his box and send it to Benoit, with this rather unconvincing explanation Benoit is invited to stay.

As the gathering progresses we learn more about the characters while they enjoy themselves: Andi was stabbed in the back by the whole group during a court case, little by little it transpires how all characters depend on Mlles to progress their careers.

Miles explains their roles as disruptors to the annoyance of Andi and then uncovers bot the Monalisa, loaned from the Louvre for the weekend, an Klear, a new miracle fuel powering the island which Lionel considers too dangerous and unstable.

The Miles murder game starts and finishes pretty fast spoiled by Benoit who is taken aside by an angry Miles, but Benoit is concerned somebody could actually want to kill Miles taking the game as cover.

Back in the party Andi demands the truth of what happened to her during that trial (which has not been disclosed exactly so far), Duke, after all the others show their annoyance with her, just states that she's a loser, Andi angrily leaves the room.

Miles comes back and tries to inject soul to the party, he proposes a toast to their "disruptor" prowess but shortly after Duke drops dead, apparently after drinking something intended for Miles .

Benoit asks for the police and doctors to be called but they can't make it due to weather conditions and a Banksy work of art that would be destroyed, it transpires Duke's hand gun, always at hand, has disappeared.

On Miles discovering he may have been the target of a possible poisoning attempt (Duke drank from Miles glass) he gets hysterical until he remembers the lights are due to go off as part of his murder game and then they do.

Whiskey rushes back claiming Andi searched their room and blames Andi for Duke's death. All is confusion and everybody runs away in the dark back to a place of safety (or so it seems).

Benoit goes as well and clashes with Andi, he is telling her how certain he's of things just as we see a gun pointed towards them until the trigger is pulled, the bullet hits Andi which now appears to be dead, everybody congregates outside and watches Andi"s body in disbelief.

Now comes the interesting part, a massive flash back to the beginning of the film, we see how a woman called Helen, identical to Andi but with different accent and a much humbler presence, brings the destroyed box to Benoit and explains the situation: she is Andi's sister (real name Cassandra Brand), Andi was part of the disruptors gang, Helen received the box intended for her sister by mistake a couple of days after Andi's apparent suicide, she also found evidence that Andi could prove she was the brains behind Miles' company which automatically would show all her further friends perjured themselves during the trial to assert control of the firm.

Benoit and Helen make a plan to get themselves in the island with her supplanting Andi.

Andi goes snooping around, her whereabouts during the previous part of the film are shown, she has a knack for uncovering information by being at the right place at the right time and by taking calculated risks, with the information they gather together Helen and Benoit begin to build a picture of what may have happened to Andi, they realise everybody has a motive to protect Miles and an opportunity to have killed Andi, proof of all this is the napkin with the idea to create Alpha which Andi had threatened to use against her former friends, Benoit believes it is in the island and asks Andi to create a fight she loses during dinner so she can go and find the envelope in one of the rooms of the guests.

Back to the present, while Helen is looking for the envelope with the napkin, Duke dies, the news about Andi's death are now spreading like wildfire in the media so Helen's cover has been blown, she's in the middle of all this when Whiskey shows up in shock into her just freshly searched room, Helen commits the mistake of saying Duke deserved what he got without knowing that Whiskey is talking about his dead by suspected poisoning, in hearing Helen she turns very angry and is intent in killing her with a fishing harpoon just moment the lights go off (due to Miles' now almost forgotten game) this allows Helen to escape the danger.

Helen finds Benoit still empty handed, they are planning to check Miles' room when she is hit by a bullet, she's saved providentially by Andi's diary blocking it, Benoit sees a chance to give her a few more minutes to search for the napkin after playing dead while he gathers people in the party room to unravel the machinations of his now certain suspect.

While Benoit deconstructs all what happened leading to Andi's murder Helen finds the envelop with the napkin, at this point all blame is duly assigned, but there are a couple of twists until the person responsible for Andi's murder is humiliated to the fullest possible extent.

Wow. That's quite a lot of explanation for a film that probably won't make it into the realms of history, but I think I owed to do this properly after such a long time of not reviewing a film.

Rating: 3.5/5

75 of 168

Date: 25 December 2022 & 5 March 2024

Venue: Amazon Prime Video España & Netflix.

The list of films in the LFF 2022

[estarion]

a singsong breath:   ‘‘your guess is as good as mine～’’   had she not just been through an ordeal, he'd mock her for this.  mock her so good.  but she still seems a bit too woozy from blood loss to be actively plotting against him.  not that she couldn't find some way to twist things later.  he would, if it were him.  on his back in the grass, a bit away from her, his knees form a relaxed bend.  at some point he'd lowered his spine, just to watch the sky finalise into dusk.  being lazy is nice.  knowing that he nevertheless retains the pluck and alertness to take down anything that could possibly sneak up on them out here is also a good feeling.

remembering the past is not.  anyone else trying this would irritate him.   ‘‘don't laugh.’’    unless she wants to waste all his previous efforts to keep her alive in one fell swoop.  ‘‘... i've no memories whatsoever of my face. it is all a blur.’’   he shrugs more loftily than called for, closes his eyes, impression of moon on the backs of lids.   ‘‘i was a magistrate. man of the law, if you can possibly believe it.’’    but oh, how he contorted and snapped almost every one of those laws.  he swallows a lumpy feeling in his throat, once-ringed fingers curling over the centre of his chest.  he is not sure how much more he wants her to know about that.  perhaps a little.  depends how and what she asks.  a sweet enough tone might tug more than usual from him.  but nothing gets away for free.

the smell of blood has grown slightly stale, so that's something to celebrate.  he pulls up his hand, begins rubbing rust from his face.  eyes keep closed.   ‘‘i used to have an estate in the upper city. fairly modest, compared to some you'd find. but i was working towards having it turned into something grand...’’   he pauses, tongue prodding inner left cheek.  he's not thought of that place in so long.  he wonders who lives there now；if its interior remains plush, white and elven silver；if the foyer still brings warm shivers when stepping in after a long day in crisp autumn；if it still smells of bergamot and vetiver.  probably not.  in fact ... cazador.  he was helping astarion with the renovations.  probably negotiated to have it all knocked down before his corpse even hit the coffin.   ‘‘it was a nice place, though. i used to host a lot of parties. people loved my parties. you would have too.’’    he snorts at himself, not sure why he brought her in.  he supposes he'd have liked to. a dollface like that would have easily made him swoon.   ‘‘... had you even been born yet, that is. tsk. how many years have you got on you, anyway?’’

 there's relief washing over her at his small gesture — it's not disbelief nor surprise . somewhat , she knew he wasn't going to leave her and his odd , worried gaze was more grounding than the ground she was standing on . his hand around her smaller one , there's no time to compare the size of their hands get butterflies in her stomach because those stupid butterflies were currently in her brain ; flying and making noise , blurring her vision . she doesn't hear half of the things he says but doesn't feel like she needs to anyway – astarion knows what he's doing . he knew what he was doing most of the time when akina gossips about his unstable mentality with karlach . oh he definitely knows , he's been around for centuries and stopping his hunger was an ability he's managed long years ago . at least that's what akina tells herself without an ounce of fear .

 his mouth isn't pleasant against her wound but is anything pleasant against an open piece of flesh that bleeds ? perhaps it's the thought of his fangs rather than anything , she thinks he'll bite because she doesn't think he'll fix anything without using his teeth . but he doesn't — he's awfully careful . akina's knees feel numb after he's finished . her hand mindlessly grips onto the arm that grips her , groaning softly her back presses against the tree . he watches his handiwork and she watches him , blinking tiredly while he lets go and she almost reaches out for him again . almost . following his instructions , akina herself sits atop the soft grass , lays back down on the bent plants with a soft noise of exhaustion and pain . the gash was closed but he'd be delighted to know that her bones still ached . he'd be delighted to know that sunset is now replaced with a dark blue hue that compliments his pale locks and red eyes — an uncanny contrast , an odd mix of colors flying all around akina's headspace .

 to his pleasure , akina lays there in silence , for a very long time . one might think she's asleep , but her eyes are focused on astarion , soft breeze dries the blood and sweat on her neck . there's a cricket chirping somewhere in the distant , and an owl , akina finally mumbles with no further thoughts ; ❛ . . . did you have blue eyes before you were turned ? ❜  that's how she'd imagined him , as an elf , or was he born a vampire ? is that even possible ? she's sitting up , making a not so elegant entrance to the conversation by pulling herself toward the tree and leaning against it with a small wince . oh gale is going to nag about them being late and possibly the goblins for quite some time , akina was almost tempted to stay the night here and not go back . it didn't matter if they asked about her – they needed her because she was the smallest . but right now she needed astarion to keep talking . ❛ what was your job ? ❜

[sukirichi]

black magic [01]

REQUEST. arranged marriage + enemies to lovers (sukuna is a simp and lowkey a housewife)

CONTENT/WARNINGS. some suggestive scenes, but overall fluff and romance! slight crack fic, I guess? I was laughing when I wrote this lol

NOTES. I NEED A HUSBAND! SUKUNA I’M GOING TO CRY GOODBYE THIS HAS ME SOFT. also anon i’m not sure if you wanted something with more ~sexual tension~ since this is kind of just comedic, but I hope you like it anyway!

part one | part two (nsfw)

“This is new,” you comment with a glare, your ankle propped on Sukuna’s knee.

“Shut up,” he rolls his eyes, pushing your skirt aside to clean the wounds you attained through exorcising curses. You’ve taken a particularly strong curse today and you’re caught off guard, barely finishing the mission unscathed. Limping all the way back home isn’t easy especially since you live on top of the darned mountain, but if Sukuna’s going to kneel in front of you like this...maybe it wasn’t too tough a journey. “You should stop going to missions you’re not ready for. Look at you, all wounded and bloody.”

“You sound like you care.”

“You’re my wife,” he huffs while dropping the bloody towel on the floor. Sukuna wraps the bandage around your ankle and carries you bridal style even though you’re perfectly capable of walking, but he shoots you a silencing glare. You’d have knocked him in the face any other day, but he’s particularly warm and smells nice today – plus you’re beat – that you bury your face in his chest, ignoring that stupid fluttering in your stomach. “Of course I do.”

You snicker, mind tracing back to your earlier years of this dreaded marriage.

It definitely wasn’t the best – the memories blurring between strangling each other to making out as if breathing was never a thing – and it felt like forever ago when you first met him.

You’d never say it out loud, but... you don’t regret this arranged marriage. Not when Sukuna is tucking himself beside you on the bed, your head above his muscular chest a place similar to home. He covers both your bodies over with a blanket, pulling your body closer to him with a strong arm, his lips pressing onto the crown of your head.

Ugh, you think to yourself, giving in to the need to cuddle your husband after a long day of work. You still refuse to say it out loud, though, and you irk him further by muttering, “That’s not what you said two years ago.”

“I wasn’t in love with you then.”

 “I refuse to be married to you!”

Sukuna fights back the urge to cover his ears. Ever since your clan decided to visit his land and started exorcising curses one by one, his life has been nothing but hell. Not only are your relatives the most arrogant people ever with a consistent god complex, they just had to let their little mortal child be in charge of taking on the stronger curses. Seriously, what were they thinking, sending you – who’s barely even out of their training bra years – to deal with curses like him?

Everyone knows Sukuna is a no bullshit man. He won’t hesitate to cut your head off the moment you came raging at him, but then he sees how young you are and decides to send you back to your family.

Expecting that everyone would just call it a day and he’d get offerings for his unexpected mercy, Sukuna is beyond stupefied when they send you back to his temple, all dressed pretty with a basket of fruits and flowers braided in your hair. He remembers growling because you look adorable, but that’s easily wiped away when you open your mouth, your voice scratchy against his ears as you stomp your feet like the young mortal you are.

Sukuna pushes a thumb to his forehead to ease the impending headache, and that’s just from your presence. Something inside him tells that you’re going to be a bigger pain than you look.

“You don’t have much of a choice. You should’ve thought of that before deciding to run rampage over my land,” he reminds, turning boredly to his lone servant from above his throne. Sukuna isn’t impressed, to say the least, especially with your clan’s audacious proposition to gain his favour just this once. “Is this really the woman you bring me – the one they insist to be my wife?”

“She is their best fighter, my Lord.”

Well, he can’t disagree to that. You did, after all, single-handedly give him a cut on the cheek. “She’s feisty indeed.”

“Don’t talk as if I’m not here!”

“Mouthy too,” he mumbles to himself, but your sorcerer senses are sharp and easily picks up on it. He sees you flush angry again, looking immensely adorable with your tiny fists clenched like that and he snorts, waving a hand in the air. “Whatever. Get the wedding over with,” he nods to his servant, his sigh loud and tired as he makes his way to you.

You don’t stiffen at each haunting step, his eyes only glimmering harder with entertainment. It’s rare to find a mortal that doesn’t quiver at the sight of him, the urge to break you only growing stronger.

Even as he cups your face, making sure to not let his claws dig into your precious skin, Sukuna smirks. You’ll be entertaining indeed.

So Sukuna makes a promise, four eyes surveying the way your body is starting to fill in curves at the right places, the swell of your flesh just perfect in his hands... He chuckles to himself, daunting you further as he leans down to your ear, taking pleasure in the slight way your breath hitches. “Maybe then I’ll get to teach you a lesson or two.”

You’re definitely something else, taking advantage of each presented opportunity and not wasting any time before you make your move. Right after the wedding and everyone’s left, leaving you alone with your new husband behind closed doors; you push him until he’s on the ground, legs straddling each side of his hips while you growl above him – the sound similar to a battle cry.

Sukuna merely smirks, barely moving a muscle as his large hands come up to rest on your hips to steady you. “I’ve imagined countless ways you’d be on top of me like this,” his eyes light up with humour upon feeling the cold blade on his skin, “None of them included a knife on my neck though.”

“Shut your mouth. I will kill you myself,” you warn, pressing your knife harder until it draws a slight tinge of blood.

You hardly look threatening above him like this, dolled up to look the best in your wedding with this cursed being. If anything, you look more divine than deadly, and Sukuna thinks that perhaps your beauty could be your best weapon. You are bewitching, after all.

“I refuse to be your Queen and sit next to your throne.”

“Then why didn’t you stop the wedding?”

“I—”

Sukuna’s teasing grin grows wider when you pull back, trying so hard to not trip over your words. It takes all of his self-restraint to not take you right then and there, but he does a good job of holding back, enjoying this view above him instead. “Could it be you’re attracted to me after all, hm, little one?”

“Do not test me, Curse. I’m more than capable of exorcising you myself.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that. You’re the strongest in the Gojo clan, are you not?” he prompts to appease you, “I don’t even want to see what you’re capable of, but maybe, just maybe...” just as his eyes darken, the edges of his lips turning up into a smirk, Sukuna digs his claws into your thigh in a possessive show of ownership, a painful reminder that you’re his now. “...You could put on a little show for me?”

“I hate you!”

Experienced and strong as you are, you’re nothing compared to a thousand year old curse who’s killed a lot more people faster than you could blink. Sukuna immediately notices the animalistic way you draw your blade, arm swung back with rage written all over your face. Before you could so much as bat an eye, he easily switches the positions until you’re under him, using only one hand to pin your arms above your head, your blade effortlessly thrown to the other side of the room.

“As I thought, you’re a lot prettier under me like this,” he observes, roaming his eyes shamelessly over the fabric clinging prettily to your body. You’ve fallen silent at his unconcealed attention, your compliance enticing him to lean closer just to inhale your intoxicating scent.

“Not so feisty now, little one? Where’d all your hatred for me go?” Sukuna pulls back with widened eyes, “Oh? Am I hearing it wrong or is your pathetic human heart beating so loud right now?” You refuse to look at him, wriggling your hips in an attempt to leave, completely unaware that the mere movement is hypnotizing the curse above you. Sukuna grips your hips in warning, not wanting to destroy you – not now, anyway. “You know all you need to do is say it. I’d gladly take you right here and then.” His words spoken with that deep, throaty voice immediately sends a wave of heat down your core, but you turn away from him, breathing hard and nervously; something Sukuna picks up on in an instant. “Little one...have you never had a man hold you like this before?”

“N-no...”

“I see. Pure and innocent behind that ferocity, huh?” He surprises you by pulling away, smoothening his white robes down as he leaves you panting still on the floor. “Fine. I won’t touch you unless you ask me to.”

“I’d rather die before that ever comes out from my mouth.”

“We’ll see about that,” he smirks, winking at you before he shuts the door. “Little one.”

There’s a lot of weird – and utterly inconvenient things – about being Sukuna’s wife. The man eats everything, absolutely everything, and it doesn’t help that he sucks at hunting too. For a man so huge and burly, he sure is lazy, preferring to do the laundry in the riverside instead while you go out every day to prepare your meals.

You actually don’t mind, but it’s very fun to complain around him.

You’re on your way back to the temple when Sukuna grabs at you, making you drop the freshly caught birds onto the ground. Your brows furrow, about to scold him for being too eager again when Sukuna stares at your arm, his lips pressing into a thin line.

Following his line of sight, your lips form an ‘o’ shape. There’s blood trickling down your forearm from his claws accidentally cutting you, guilt written all over his face. Another weird thing about Sukuna is that he babbles a lot when he’s emotional, and you’re too tired to hear him beat himself over it that you just drag him inside your room, sitting his ass down before taking a clipper.

Sukuna scoffs when you start cutting his nails. It irks him that you don’t even bother wiping the blood off first and he tsks, eyes narrowed at you. “You should have thicker skin.”

You roll your eyes as you file his nails; you’ve been married to him long enough to know it’s his way of saying sorry. Not wanting to let him wallow in guilt any louder, you pad kisses over his knuckles before swiping the black ink off your desk, using a pen brush to colour your nails instead. Sukuna hovers behind you, head tilted to the side as he watched you. “Are you painting your nails black?” he utters in disbelief, trying to ignore the fact he feels...proud and even a little smug. “Not so fitting for the angelic sorcerer now, isn’t it?”

“I’m only doing this so you don’t feel left out.”

“Maybe I’ll add markings to your pretty face too,” he cups your jaw to make you turn to him, landing a solid kiss flat to your lips which makes you sigh, pretending to be annoyed but leaning over for another peck anyway. Sukuna laughs and pulls you onto his lap, kissing your neck this time around, a little annoyed that you don’t stop in brandishing your nails. “Wife, what do you think?”

“I have work, Sukuna. You flirting with me doesn’t change the fact I need to go.”

“Come home safe for me, at least?” he breathes down your neck, his touch sending shivers down your spine. You’ve definitely changed since the first time he’s met you, starting from a mean (although he stands strong that you are still mean to him sometimes) temperamental little one to a mature, stronger sorcerer who’s secretly weak for his wife.

Unable to resist him as always, you turn around once you’ve finished painting your nails, rubbing your nose over his until your strong, scary husband is turning into putty at your hands. “Of course I will,” you peck his lips one last time, Sukuna’s eyes closing as he dives in for a deeper kiss. “I’ll always come back home to my handsome husband.”

If anyone were to ask how it’s possible that the King of Curses is actually very soft for his sorcerer wife, everyone would claim it’s impossible and a heresy – but if you ask Sukuna, it’s probably just black magic doing its wonders.

[sinner-as-saint]

Crawling Back To You.

Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Run-through: Bucky Barnes had a lot on his plate at the moment. Regrets, fears, nightmares and desperately trying to do the right things to make up for his past as the Winter Soldier. Amongst those things, barely anything made him truly happy, or safe or loved. None did actually - except for you. He met you at a bar once and since then, you’ve been his sanctuary. You both knew he wasn’t quite ready to be in a relationship, yet you were always there with open arms whenever he needed a friend, a shoulder to lean on, or someone to help him take his mind off things. Be it a nightmare, or memories from the past coming to haunt him, or any major or minor inconvenience, the super soldier would find himself turning to you for help. 

Themes: angst, fluff, smut

He woke up on the floor, covered in cold sweat. 

The flashbacks of the nightmares kept resurfacing until it finally faded again. Faded, not truly gone because he knew they’d be back tomorrow again - his past coming to haunt him. He sighed and squinted at the screen in front of him. 

The T.V was on, playing reruns of a show he did not care about. He simply needed the noise to help him fall asleep. The quiet and silence was his own personal hell, so he always needed some sort of background noise to help him out. 

Bucky tried getting some sleep again; tossing and turning on the wooden flooring but he couldn’t fall back asleep. His mind was racing, too many thoughts at once. He checked the time, the clock read 1 a.m. He could go on a run, but he didn’t really feel like it. He could go to the gym, but he didn’t feel like working out either. 

He needed something. An escape, a friend. You, he needed you. 

Bucky reached for his phone, and a few taps later he was calling you. He knew it was late but you somehow always picked up his calls no matter what the time was. The rings later, he heard your voice speak up from the other end. 

“Buck?” You sounded sleepy, but not like he had woken you up, you sounded like you were about to fall asleep. 

He closed his eyes and sighed at the sound of your voice. He could picture you, all tucked in your comfy bed, surrounded by pillows and your soft blankets. Perhaps you had lost track of time because of a good book, or perhaps you were up late responding to emails for work. 

“Hey doll. Did I wake you up?” he asked, leaning back against the wall of his living room, his legs sprawled out on the floor in front of him. Only sometimes did he feel like he was taking advantage of your kindness, but then again he could be selfish when it came to you. You were his, and that’s that. 

You let out a little laugh. “Of course not, Bucky. I was just finishing up some work.” He could hear your sheets shuffling, “Are you okay? Did you have another nightmare?” you asked, softly. 

Bucky told you he did. Then he went on to tell you exactly what he had dreamt of. Sometimes he felt like he was opening up more to you than his shrink. But truth is, you made him feel like he was more than just a broken soldier, or a problem who needed to be remedied or fixed. You made him feel like he was human after all. 

“I… I’m trying to fall back asleep but…” his voice trailed off. He didn’t have to say it, you understood perfectly. He knew you did. 

Then he heard his favorite words coming from you, “Come over Buck, I’m waiting.” 

He wasted no time in getting up from the floor and getting dressed. Dark jeans, shirt, jacket and not to forget his gloves. Sometimes he wondered why he felt so giddy when you asked him to come over, which was almost every night. He wondered what it would be like to come home to you every night instead, had it been a perfect world. He always felt like he was clinging to you too much, for everything. But then you always told him that you didn’t mind. You told him you loved his company. 

He grabbed his helmet before stepping out of his apartment. There was a light drizzle outside but he didn’t care, he just needed to be with you. He got down the stairs and then rushed to start his mean bike and then rushed to your apartment building. You lived in a much nicer part of the city than he did, and he often wondered why you were putting up with someone like him when you could have a man who would give you a life you’ve always dreamt of. He often asked you that, but you always just smiled at him, you never answered. 

On his way up to your floor, he couldn’t help but feel all warm in the elevator. He counted down the seconds till he could see you. He often slept over at your place, he loved it. Cuddling, making love, followed by lazy mornings, him trying to get you to not go to work and spend the day with him instead. He loved how you made him feel. 

He knocked on your door, already taking off his gloves because he needed to feel your skin against his. Your body heat made him feel so much better. He heard you unlocking the door from the other side and not even a second later, he saw your pretty face smiling at him. Dressed in silk PJ shorts and a t-shirt, you looked breathtakingly beautiful even at one thirty in the morning. 

“Hello there,” you greeted him, smirking. “That was fast.” You teased, opening the door wider to let him in. 

He smiled and stepped inside, closing the door behind him and pulling you in for a hug immediately. You felt his slightly damp and cold jacket press against you but you hugged him back tightly anyways. 

“I needed to see you.” He mumbled, pressing his face into your neck. 

“I know.” 

-

You and Bucky ended up in your bed, cuddling under the blankets. He loved the dimmed night light you always had on, knowing that he hated being in complete darkness. He loved how cozy your room was, how spacious and airy but also warm and comfortable. 

The large window by your bed showed a lovely view of the city lights, which were right now blurred by the foggy glass, thanks to the light drizzle earlier. He could tell that the air was cold outside, but in here with you everything was just right. 

He had stripped down to just his boxers and he laid his head on your chest, his face facing away from yours, while you played with his hair and occasionally ran your hand down his back, scratching his skin lightly. His cold metal arm lazily ran up and down your thighs and he noticed the goosebumps on your skin that he was causing. 

He could hear your steady heartbeats and that was his favorite sound in the entire world. It calmed him down. 

You looked down, smiling softly at the sight of the muscular soldier using you as a human pillow. You could hear him let out quiet moans as you gently scratched his scalp. You still remembered the first time you two met, at a bar. 

-

It was late on a winter night, and the nearby bar was rather empty; just a few people here and there. And a certain muscular man in a dark leather jacket caught your eye. He was sitting at the counter, and you were in one of the booths. Eventually, you got up and decided to go talk to him. 

You recognized him immediately. Ex-Winter Soldier, Captain America’s best friend, James Buchanan Barnes.

Small talks turned into a couple more rounds of beers. He was a little off and awkward at first but he loosened up eventually. He even walked you back to your car, not wanting you to be alone in the dark, foggy and empty parking lot. 

That was the first time he kissed you, right before he opened the door of your car for you. 

“Will I see you again?” He asked, high off the adrenaline which coursed through his veins ever since you kissed him back. 

“Of course you will. Good night, James.” You kissed his cheek before getting into your car and driving off. 

-

A smile formed on your face as you thought of that night. “Do you remember the first time we met?” You asked softly. 

Bucky turned his face to you, placing his head back on your chest. He was so close that all you needed to do was to lean in a little to kiss his soft, pink lips. 

He smiled. “Yeah, why?” 

“No reason, I just wanted you to remember it.” 

Bucky chuckled and pressed a gentle kiss on your skin, right above your breasts. “You’ve been awfully quiet. What is it?” 

You just smiled at him, “Nothing. You’ve been awfully quiet too.” And judging by the look in his eyes, you could already tell there was something else to his silence. “What is it?” 

He was quiet. 

Sighing, you flipped the two of you around; straddling his waist while he laid comfortably against your multiple pillows. 

“Buck, tell me.” You pressed your palms against his chest to hold yourself up. 

“Sam needs my help with something. Another bad guy, another mission, another fight. Same old.” He sounded indifferent. 

You couldn’t blame him. He had been fighting for decades, non-stop. He had lost so much while doing so, but he also didn’t know how to deal with the calm, and silence and the quiet. There was so much he needed to figure out about himself still. 

“Do you not wanna go?” 

He smiled faintly as he lazily rubbed up and down your exposed thighs. “It’s my job, I have to. Innocent people will be hurt if I don’t. I want to help them.” 

“Then what’s the issue?” 

“I’ll have to leave you behind for a little while.” He didn’t want to. He didn’t know how to be away from you anymore because he hadn’t been for months now. The thought of not being able to hold you close at night and having your heartbeats lull him to sleep was scary.

You smiled down at him. “I’ll be here when you come back, Bucky.” 

He reached out and cupped your face with his metal hand. “And what if you find someone better while I’m gone?” 

You frowned down at him. “Where does that come from?” 

He gently stroked your cheek. “I’m just saying. You deserve someone a little more… normal.” 

You rolled your eyes at him. “Normal is boring, you seem perfectly fine to me.” 

He chuckled. “Why do you put up with me, doll?” It was a rhetorical question, he didn’t expect an answer because he had asked you this countless number of times but you never gave him a reply before. 

However, you did this time. “Because I’m in love with you, James Buchanan Barnes.” You had been meaning to tell him this for a while now. “You don’t have to say it back, I just needed you to know that no one’s ever gonna replace you. I love you.” 

He was a little surprised, his heart raced as he processed everything. How could someone as gentle, kind and beautiful like you fall for someone as broken as him? “Doll… I…” 

You leaned down to kiss his forehead. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” You giggled, then pulled away to look at him. “You deserve all the good things in this world, Buck. You deserve to be loved, and cared for. And if you’d let me, I’d love to show you that.” 

You carefully pressed your lips to his, kissing him with all the love you had. His metal hand held you at the back of your neck and the other wrapped around your waist. He tilted his head and deepened the kiss; turning your mind into a foggy mess for a little while before he pulled away and stared deep into your eyes. 

You reached out and gently caressed his face, Bucky leaned into your touch. “I’m gonna miss you.” He mumbled. 

“When do you leave?” You asked. 

“Tomorrow, perhaps.” 

You leaned in for a kiss again, accidentally brushing your crotch against his erection; making him smirk through the kiss as he pulled you even closer. You purposely moved against him while you kissed him again deeply. 

Bucky soon flipped the two of you back around and settled in between your legs, kissing down your neck. “I’m gonna miss making love to you almost every night.” He whispered against your skin. His voice alone sent chills down your back, and made you feel all sorts of warm and tingly feelings inside. 

Bucky movements were gentle and slow as he took your clothes off, making sure you were both under the warm covers still; kissing you occasionally as he undressed you, and caressed your body as you squirmed under him. 

He kissed his way down your body, until his face was right in between your legs. You moaned as he parted your legs and placed a kiss on your inner thigh, pulling your underwear down your legs and kissing his way back to your wet folds. You threw your head back, and bit your lip; whining when you felt his tongue teasing you gently. The warmth of his mouth was driving you insane. 

His tongue gently teased your clit while his fingers slipped inside of you; stroking you gently while you arched your back off the surface of your bed as the pleasure became slightly overwhelming. You whimpered and squirmed under him as his tongue moved perfectly against you.

He had you coming undone all over his tongue and his fingers in no time, and he licked you clean when he was done. Kissing his way up your body again. “I’m gonna miss your taste.” He was shameless enough to whisper it in your ear; making you blush. 

His hands roamed around your body, touching you wherever he could, until he finally cupped your core and rubbed the sensitive skin around your swollen clit – making you shudder under him. You whined as he slipped his metal fingers past your entrance yet again. His head dipped into your neck and he licked and bit around your skin until he found your sweet spot. “And I’m gonna miss your warmth.” 

“Buck…” You moaned quietly as he replaced his fingers with his cock. 

He placed his mouth on top of yours again, to swallow your whimpers and moans as he pushed his cock into you. His breathing got shallow again as he pushed himself fully into you. He lifted his head and watched you grimace in pleasure and pain as his cock stretched you to your maximum. He watched you in awe as your lips parted and you moaned his name once he filled you up nicely. 

You whined as he slowly slipped out of you completely, before slamming back into you with a slightly bigger force. 

He groaned at the feel of your walls wrapped around him, squeezing and clenching around him. You heard him swear and felt him bite down on your lip as he sped up into you. He tugged on your lips and he started moving his hips; rocking into you slowly, then gradually increasing his speed. Your back arched off the surface of the bed again and your chest pressed to his.  

“I’m gonna miss watching you squirm under me…” he whispered, “as I pleasure you like no one ever will.” He moaned into your ear. “You’re mine.” 

You were a moaning mess under him in no time. There was something about the way he kissed you, deeply and passionately; as though he was scared you might just get away from him.

He worshipped your body. He mumbled how good you felt in your ear, groaning as you bucked your hips to meet each one of his thrusts as well. He kissed you roughly as he pounded into you; his metal fingers wrapped around your throat. He fucked you raw and relentlessly, watching how your face morphed into frowns of pleasure. 

He pressed his forehead on yours; looking down to where your bodies connected so intimately. Then he pulled away to look into your eyes with that animalistic, primal and fiery look in his eyes. His lips parted as he panted while he fucked you like he owned you.

“You’re gonna miss me too aren’t you, doll?” 

You nodded, whining in pleasure. He smirked. His hand left your neck and slid in between your connected bodies and furiously rubbed your clit, earning a loud moan out of you. “Say it, baby. Tell me how much you’re gonna miss my cock buried deep inside you…” 

You couldn’t talk as the pressure in between your legs became too much to handle, and you craved for release. He noticed and slipped his tongue back into your mouth one last time and took your bottom lip between his teeth again.

“Come on, cum for me… doll,” he swore as he felt you clench around him perfectly. You came hard around him, moaning and whimpering under him as he finished right after you; kissing your swollen lips deeply as he came.

He pushed his face into the crook of your neck as he caught his breath. And you cradled his head; panting as well. Your fingers gently massaged his scalp as he calmed his racing heart. A few moments later, he shifted all his weight right on top of you making you laugh as you tried to scoot out from under him. 

He groaned and pulled you closer. “Come here.” He pressed you against his body and wrapped his arms around. “I love you too, doll. So much.” 

You buried your face into his chest, inhaling his scent. “I’m gonna miss you. All of you.” You lifted your head up to look at him smiling down at you. “Come back fast.” 

He chuckled. “You know I will. No matter where I go, I’ll always come crawling back to you.”

[cadybear420]

Do... do these people not realize that DLS isn't the same kind of smut book as stuff like TNA and TBB?

DLS very clearly does not expect you to take it seriously. That's always been the problem with PB's smut books- they give us purely lust-based relationships but force us to perceive it as true romantic love. DLS gives us a purely lust-based relationships but it KNOWS it's lust based and doesn't try to force it as romantic. And that's why it's so much better, it isn't tone-deaf with its portrayal of the relationship.

I have seen some of the worst pro-Surrender tales there. People have praised it because "Reagan is a complex character1!1!1!" and "They talked out their problems1!1!1!" and even said the MC was being empowered and it's just like... good for you if you still enjoyed it. That's fine. But all of those things they praise it for are just... you're giving it too much credit.

Yes, Reagan is a complex character. Yes, they did try to talk things out. But they don't make the book well-written nor are they well-written themselves. Oh yes, MC is so empowered by getting into a relationship with her divorce lawyer who starts sexting her barely 10 minutes after their first meeting, constantly acts controlling and infantilizing towards her, and tracks her down when she leaves. Yes, that talk only happened because Reagan tracked down MC while she was ON A GETAWAY TRIP. SHE FLEW TO A DIFFERENT STATE TO GET AWAY FROM YOU AND YOU STILL HAVE TO FOLLOW HER? So empowering amirite?

Look, there's enjoying "problematic" stuff while not endorsing the problematic aspects, and there's also having different interpretations of media. But then there's straight up getting shit wrong about a piece of media, and that's something r/Choices does a LOT. I'll admit, the line between "different interpretations" and "factually correct/incorrect" can get very blurred, but there are some interpretations that I just do not get. IDK.

Of course, if you know me well, you know that my least favorite thing about that subreddit is the goddamn "gender coding" takes. Look, Choices certainly does have problems with being lazy and gender-normative about the romance dynamics they use in their stories and they do make a lot of mistakes for non-wlm routes. But when you start seeing people complaining about "female coding" over f!LI holding the umbrella for m!MC or m!MC shaking his hips wildly rather than dancing with his shoulders to impress f!LI, or even m!MC GIGGLING for Christ's sake... you kinda start questioning whether you're in r/Choices, or if you're actually just reading the transcript of an Andrew Tate podcast.

Please y'all, stop acting like MC having default feminine roles and LI having default masculine roles is only a problem for the non-wlm players.

And it goes on and on. That sub just becomes the entire circus sometimes. The mods are the ringleading clowns and many of the users are acrobats with the amount of mental gymnastics they do ssometimes. It does have its share of good takes there but... yeah. Tumblr's side of the fandom isn't innocent from shit takes either but at least there's less bootlicking and thinly-veiled gender essentialism.

what did r/choices do this time

Exist.

Jk, they’re deluded and their takes can skew to the extreme. For example, I’ve read many posts/comments on how DLS is a bad book. Critiquing how fast you get in a relationship with Charles/Charlotte.

The thing is… this is a smut book who’s sole purpose is to fuck. It’s clear to me these imbeciles have either never had sex or never been in a relationship in the modern era. They think it’s highly unrealistic how fast they got together but it’s like. Maybe but MC is 30. What have they got to lose from fucking the neighbor? Y’all are wild. They’re the biggest pearl clutchers at times so it’s weird to me.

Another is I’ve seen posts/comments in the past, praising bad books like Surrender/Wolf Bride while slandering DLS/Alpha in the same breath. Also I’ve seen them like Blades 2 and act like it’s critique-less.

I wouldn’t put much stock into it. Just silly things I’ve seen from there over the years.