#also i still havent finished breaking bad but i know i'm right

[chronotopes]

ok hi. one tiny assignment down another to go but before i continue doing tiny assignments and then a big assignment i'd like to say that the classic early to mid-tens tumblr woobie is a loki or a kylo ren or an eridan ampora – a guy who has moments of pathos that make him a somewhat dimensional character sure, sure, but is either (as is the case with kylo and especially loki) not part of a franchise where character interiority is a central focus at all compared to Whos Shooting At The Protagonist, or (as is the case with eridan) part of a story where Everyone Has Problems and foregrounding eridan problems as more special and complicated and pitiable than kanaya problems or feferi problems or vriska problems just kind of makes you seem like youre playing favorites (and/or hate women).

breaking bad is a piece of television in which Whos Shooting At Who And When is in a lot of ways secondary to character interiority. the Plot may involve killing but the Story is about what killing or not killing does to the characters and the people around them. the arc of the show rests in great part on the continued presence of jesse, who suffers over and over again, sometimes at his own hands and sometimes the hands of others. because breaking bad is not a cartoon for children or a hollywood blockbuster, 'how many people has jesse killed' is a significantly less important question than 'how is jesse framed, what do we see jesse do besides that.' there is no comparing 'kylo ren maybe feels bad about it a little before stabbing his dad' with the Jesse Torment Wiggler that comprises the end of season 3 even though both of those moments in the story correlate with the character in question killing a guy.

tldr it is completely true that "jesse kills five people but he's not being Woobified by tumblr, the show is just like that" but this is in many ways a product of how tumblr concepts of The Fandom Woobie are much more applicable to stories where the interiority and inner conflict of People Doing Things What Are Bad is either not substantially foregrounded at all (most any hollywood franchise movie) or foregrounded very selectively in a way that an uncareful reader might easily miss (homestuck <3)

[mortuarywriting]

God one of these days I'm gonna finish writing anything for the sandbox I've been setting up! But I haven't so let's talk monsters

Price I'd love to see as a manticore or some kinda chimera. Something big, intimidating, incredibly poisonous. Keeps everything about it close to his chest, prefers to keep it a bit of a last resort because it generally means either stealth is out the window or they're not taking prisoners. Absolutely would snuggle with a partner in the monstrous form but that is a murder machine of a man. Hell of a purr he's got, though, feel that in your bones no matter which form he's in. Would ramble more but I need to pin down what he is before I can.

Simon is in that fun Limbo of you can play around and try to put labels on him any day of the week. None fit right. He's got so many facets and none of the labels are a 1:1. Makes it a lot easier on his end to make risky moves as nobody can figure out what the hell will actually kill him for realsies. He is smoke he is shadow he can and will just take a 15 minute break when he knows he can get away with it to go shadow walk his broody ass to wherever you are. Just to gently harass and check in on you if he knows your free time windows are lining up. Tries to keep the visits light, just some touchstones to make sure to everything in his being that you're still safe, you're still alright. He'll also fuck off to get you Somewhere Safe Right Now Immediately if he has a Bad Feeling at the drop of a hat. Price knows he can't stop Simon from doing this if he tried, but if it's for a Bad Feeling Price is usually getting the lads together asap when Ghost pops back in not three minutes later. He always explains when he's back in one piece why he yoinked you from the Grocery Store to an Undisclosed Location for an Indeterminate Period of Time but you're safe and that's the goal.

Gaz on paper is a seer. In actuality he's a few things playing well together that it's easier and nicer to put seer on paperwork 'cause he sees and can do a hell of a lot more than whatever paperwork implies. Like yes, he can do limited spellwork but what he sees? Fae, ghosts, connections between people, brief glimpses into the history of whatever he's focusing on in a pinch, probably the lotto if he tried really hard (again that is. He hasn't tried since he was a lot younger- it didn't go well to say the least). He likes looking at the connections he's formed with you when he has some down time, cords that always point him in the direction of you. He will use these to make sure the relationship is in healthier spots, he knows if things start unraveling. It can and will get irksome because he very much wants to help fix what's wrong even if you're not ready to talk about it yet, but he will respect boundaries once set. Doesn't mean he won't keep prodding the line now and again to try to get you to talk about it but he's usually pretty good about not being overt about it unless it's Dire.

Soap I have. Mixed feeling on. Mostly because he can be so interesting and can easily fit into many different slices of beastie! Vamp, werewolf, selkie... but for the sake of keeping it interesting and one i havent seen played with as much, for arguments sake let's say he's a very interesting kelpie. Like obviously man has so thoroughly detached himself from a specific body of water, but I feel like their main base statistically would have some kinda pond he usually is happy to just call dibs on. He sometimes shares but largely people just use a pool instead. Man definitely leans into the carnivore and likes his food a bit more on the raw side if possible. No he does not spook but he does have one hell of a kick. He will bite if he needs to and you really don't want him to need to. Views his horse form as just another tool but largely avoids it for work reasons- namely lack of thumbs or body armor. He will get twitchy around bridles, but otherwise so long as you're his squad or his partner he's fine with giving people a lift in a pinch! Promises he won't drag you into the water to drown you! He will drag you into the water though. That is very much a thing that will happen. He likes it when you spend time with him like this. He likes getting you nice and wet and especially when you ride him :))

[gu6chan]

Aaaa I'm so happy you wanna hear the ramble! Fellow Caionard minds united,,,, here goes:

Leonard -> Caim "To love you is to sacrifice myself, to become the cage locking you in, to be the leash you pull on. If I can direct all of you into myself, no one else has to get hurt." Plus the belief of being unworthy of receiving any positive emotions, and Caim's love, no matter how twisted it is, is more than he feels he deserves, yet it also serves as a punishment for him for all his crimes (some sorta "you are a cruel but just punishment" thing's going on here)

Caim -> Leonard "You are weak, and pathetic, and naive and loving like a child. Like a naive child, a child I used to be before everything turned for the worst. I hate the reminder of who I could've been, of what I was before I was forced to change. A mirror into a happier alternate me. Weak, foolish, and stupid. And kinder than I have ever been. Kind enough not to push me away, even if it is your way to punish yourself. You would take my hand made of swords? You would embrace my bloody and tainted heart? Though it hurts you, the blood you bleed warms us both. Only for a moment, maybe, but it is warm nonetheless."

OKAY first of all anon i am so sorry its taken me a couple days to reply, for the longest time i had no idea HOW to really even begin because???? when you said ramblings I was EXPECTING peak but like i clearly was NOT fucking prepared for it BECAUSE?????? HOW DID YOU COOK SO HARD??????? literally im going to be thinking about this for the rest of my LIFE i havent stopped thinking about it since you sent it i told my bud about it in private when i first got it i was SO flabbergasted like??? and like even now i still dont really know how to respond in a way that like,,,, really encapsulates just how fucking FERAL this made me to the point i feel a bit bad about responding at a time im exhausted and can't think right kashfgksdhbjfj but hopefully these screenshots of me rambling about it to my friend help encapsulate just how INSANE this made us like

so to break down:

anon, the caionard community (3-4 people including me and you) are obsessed with this and hope you have exactly what you need tomorrow

my buddy says they owe you their life and that they think you're the GOAT (this is true!!!!!!!!!!)

i really don't know what else to say that hasn't already been said other than that this HAS gotten me through work since the day you sent it in and it's getting me through work tomorrow and also definitely the day after that

you DID mention that you never got around to making art for this and im CERTIANLY not the strongest conceptual/metaphorical(??? i dont know how its called) artist, but like.... if you'd be okay with it and i admit i might never get to finishing it myself i would LOVE to do a doodle or so of or based around this concept like im insane im INSANE over this i love it so much........

anon by any chance if you write fanfic or so this alone would go hard as FUCK on AO3 i will be your biggest fan and make t-shirts and little caionard baseball caps with this whole rant on the brim written in your honour, i really wish i could say how much i love this and your writing.................... "the blood you bleed warms us both. only for a moment, maybe, but it is warm nonetheless" i hope you know im like a whole different person reading that i am NEVER going to get over that and have been cycling it around in my brain since the moment you sent that in............. im going to DIE

is there anything else i can say that i can reasonably put into words...... i think to cap off, the idea of leonard feeling undeserving of ANY love, even if it is as "punishment" coming from the hands of someone he is so inherently REPULSED by (I refrain from saying hates, i feel like that's part of it but oversimplifies it too much lmao) is such an interesting concept i haven't considered the psychology of and it INTRIGUES me ive also been spinning that concept around in my head since you mentioned it...... i havent drawn any strong "conclusions' or, again, any coherent lines of thought from that idea, but i am OBSESSED with it and will be sure to yap about it either via a reblog or its own separate post the SECOND i get anywhere further than "woagh.......... cool................................ :0" either way, thank you SO much for sharing this anon, your writing is fucking amazing and i havent been left this shell-shocked in a LONG while, this was so refreshing in a way i cant really describe but you are lifting the whole caionard community on your shoulders, and are ALWAYS welcome in my home <3 thank you so much again for choosing to share this with me, anon, it's an honour QwQ/"

[excadrill]

tagged by @yj-98 ilyyy 🫶🫶🤍

RULES: Reveal the titles of the documents in your WIP folder and tag as many people as there are documents. Let others ask questions about the ones that interest them and post snippets or explain the contents as you see fit!

tag as many people as their are wips.. eep.. sorry i'd put this under a cut but it's not working on mobile 😭

ankhgiveaway.sai [i held an art giveaway in february and havent finished the prizes even tho i keep looking at them and going 'i need to and Want to finish this..']

yuukigiveaway.sai [same as above but the person who requested this one deactivated so i. don't know if i'm still gonna finish it]

sonomomo.sai [my current priority 'For Me' wip.. ive shared this wip w some people but ive never done a proper piece for the 'cycle of life and death' thing for them so that's what this one is..💙❤️]

exozinewip5.sai [pokemon zine oc piece, not supposed to share zine wips so idk if i should say more but it's of my beloved gymsona.. this zine will be free + digital and i'll ofc be promoting it more when it's done but it's soooo cute keep your eyes out for this one :3c '5' not bc im contributing multiple pieces but bc this piece is big and slightly intimidating for me so i keep saving different versions when i do major merges]

pocketzine-nymble.sai [another pokemon zine piece, so i can't really say more But it's not the only thing im contributing to this zine, ive just finished all my other stuff already]

oczine-thumbs.sai [thumbs for an oc zine i signed up for that i'll probably drop out of bc im not feeling like a vibe w everyone else there >w>;;; ]

philip.sai [philip piece ive had sitting around basically since i finished W.. about a year ago now i think ? but i transferred it to my '23 wips folder bc i still wanna finish it..it was supposed to be a 'this one will be quick and easy so i'll have smthn i Finished this month outside of zine stuff' but. zine stuff took up all my time and energy oops]

mrtourism.sai [this one's a silly post-canon kirihiko art i've Also had sitting around for like a year. i chip away at this one sometimes but then keep restarting bc im unsatisfied with the lines i wish i could just sit down and finish it bc i Love Him]

platform.sai [ummm silly ryotaro thing i drew after watching the den-o final stage ^__^ not a high priority one but it's cute so like. maybe one day]

punkjackhelmet.sai [file name was bc i was originally doing helmet studies before it turned into a full sketch. punkjack with the beat buckle bc i was doing this right after his special came out 🎃🫶]

colourwheel.sai [ummm well. yeah im not good at finishing art memes when theyre still on trend. i did all the sketches for these but i probably won't finish at this point..]

poppyangel.sai [poppy ex-aid i sketched as a break between big stuff the other day that i like a lot so. maybe will finish but might just post unfinished if i cant find the energy to get to this one sooner. feel bad that i like ex-aid so much but don't have any clean art done for it..]

millirider.sai [toku oc planning :3 i was saying last night i finally figured the helmet out which ive been struggling with for ages so hopefullyyyy i get around to doing a proper ref sheet]

im not at my laptop rn so im doing this off the top of my head but i THINK that's everything.. tagging umm @ankhisms @heartvisor @madaraki @circeancity @horrorcomedies @yu3s @pleuvoire @kosukeiichi @danothan @seashrine @asticassia @eclipse-song @kirider only if you guys wanna 🤍🤍

[garak]

here are my thoughts on the x-men movies since ive finished most of them

x-men (2000): in my top 3. love mags and xavier in this one mostly because its ian mckellan & patrick stewart. my main gripes are with the merging of magnetos and mystiques brotherhoods & the exclusion of destiny from the brotherhood. magneto being willing to sacrifice his life & another mutants for his dream to be realized seems pretty accurate but i feel like they didnt make it clear enough that if the plan worked he would have died too...? HATE wolverine trying to put the moves on jean grey but thats true regardless of whether its a movie or a comic or a stageplay for all i care.

x2: the plot of this one kind of lost me mostly because i havent read god loves man kills yet so i didnt have any basis to understand wtf was going on except stryker was there and hes evil. love maggy in the prison being emo and shit although them deciding when he can or cant fly or use certain powers seems pretty arbitrary... ? i feel like deathstryke is treated pretty poorly by the plot here seeing as shes you know kind of an important character who they never introduce properly. nightcrawler looks better in this movie than he does in the later ones but still not good.

last stand: ive already talked about the choice of angel & worthington industries as the villains in this one so i won't go over it again. i think its DEEPLY funny that scott disappears and wolverine finds his glasses (which he cannot live without) just lying around and doesn't think "hey i wonder what happened to cyclops" until jean is quite literally unbuckling his belt halfway through trying seduce him. why does no one in these films seem to give a fuck about what happens to cyclops he dies in the first 10 minutes of the movie and its never addressed. also prof x dies in this one and i dont remember how he comes back to life so what was that. also they fuck up bobbys characterization SOOOO bad like i know they didnt know he was gay and he is kind of a player but in the comics kitty uses him as a rebound then breaks up with him and then his younger self (teleported to the future from the 60s) is like "why arent you gay. i'm gay" and bobby is like "no i'm also gay. i just act straight because of irish catholic guilt". so having him cheat on rogue with kitty and pressure rogue into getting the mutation blocker thing so they can have sex is retroactively an insane plotline. sorry im bobby drakes number one fan and this is so fake. also beast is so hot in this movie. what? who said that. also the phoenix plotline sucks and also magneto was right to try and explode the factory or whatever

origins wolverine: INCREDIBLY funny movie serious excellent. completely unintentional in how funny it is but so enjoyable to watch. why was cyclops there? why was emma frost there? what is going on in this movie? why is wolverine naked all the damn time? why does he know the blob? why can he BEAT the blob? why is the blob in this movie? seriously what the fuck is going on in this movie? x-men origins wolverine does not have answers to these questions. its really great to see the awful cgi claws though. i liked that gambit was in this movie.

first class: i have a lot of questions on this one. why is hank here. why is mystique acting like a child when she should be over 70 years old at the least. why would they get my hopes up by putting banshee and moira in the same movie but then not give them a relationship. why the fuck is scott summers' younger brother here. however it does well by making you root for magneto and then being like "and everybody then teamed up with magneto because hes awesome and abandoned xavier except for hank because theyre both centrist democrats" like you know what. so true. i like how mags just starts drama constantly for no reason like why was he fucking w mystique like that... good for him i guess but hes so gay in this movie its not even funny. okay it is funny but only a little.

the wolverine: i fell asleep during this one so i don't know but it seemed weird and racist in many ways and wolverine was a complete bitch during it for NO reason as always. also its so funny to see him fail on screen with basic japanese when in the comics he gets mind wiped and regains the ability to speak japanese before he regains english like that guy is an r/whiteguyswithasianwives prodigy. i liked deathstryke in this movie the actress was very cool. why didnt wolverine take the deal to save his friend and not be immortal anymore when he fucking hates being immortal half the time like bro come on... i hate him sorry

days of future past: okay at this point they should have known bobby drake was gay. so why all that with kitty. also why blame MYSTIQUE for the creation of the sentinels dawg she had nothing to do with that in the comics. the sentinels were not purple enough OR big enough btw. also, where is rachel summers. you cant do days of future past without rachel summers. either way this was a pretty good movie. quicksilver was excellent.

apocalypse: guys. why is scott summers wearing raybans. here are some other questions i hate about this movie: why is cyke's backstory never properly discussed. why do they give cyke angel or bobby's personality. why does nightcrawler look so bad. why would apocalpse choose angel over literally anyone else. why is it never addressed that nightcrawler is mystique's son. why is psylocke here if theyre not going to do anything with her. why is xavier such an annoying liberal. why would they introduce a new magneto daughter when he already has like 3 to pick from. why dont hank and mystique just sort their shit out. why does mystique go to bat so hard for maggy. why does jean already have telepathic abilities when she and scott meet thus making the way they originally get together (one of the main reasons i give a fuck about their relationship) impossible. who is the girl with the yellow hoop earrings they hang out with. dazzler??? why does jean have the phoenix spirit in her if she hasnt died yet. why isnt storm in her home on the mountain at this point. why is moira not scottish. why introduce her son if theyre not going to do the moira son plotline. last but not least, why would they include any character in this movie who wasnt quicksilver when hes obviously the best character by a wide margin and all scenes that dont include him are basically worthless. otherwise i quite enjoyed it. i liked angels haircut and im so glad they FINALLY made xavier bald.

i will add my reviews of new mutants, dark phoenix, deadpool, etc. once i watch them

[midasgutz]

devil survivor is sick as hell tbh. i'm playing overclocked, it's pretty good. i love the voice acting in this one, wasn't crazy about it in soul hackers but they did a really good job in this one. this is probably the best voice acting in an smt game honestly.

i'm not an srpg player though... sometimes this game is really grating. it is fucking exhausting when you get really close to killing an enemy party, then you watch a nearby enemy party walk over and all 3 enemies use healing spells on the shit you just hurt...

the building mechanics are so awesome though, it's sick when you get to copy any skill onto a demon now and again. i'm not sure if you can see the magnetite bar or whatever but it's cool when it happens. i want to get farther and see it happen more often so i can understand if it's actually ANY skill i want because that seems kind of insane tbh. i guess they limit it to just active skills, still. it'd be interesting to grind skill break is amazing too, i really feel like i'm making broken teams. right now i have an ubelluris with rampage, dia, hero aid, counter and +mute. the party leader has an auto skill that guarantees melee skills always hit. my other demon has dia too and a skill that guarantees a critical if it hits, but has low accuracy. this is on yuzu, so she also has dia. and an assload of mp. so my demons farm criticals for extra turns and big damage, yuzu spams electric dance to try and cancel turns. havent been able to get ice dance on her yet which will also guarantee criticals if freeze procs. then after combat all 3 can use dia if needed to heal everyone back up, since the melee skills cost hp and not mp it's extremely efficient.

i'm building main character for magic, like i always do in later smt titles where the mc can cast spells. it hasn't really come online yet to be honest, but the damage is there because i get to allocate my own attibute points.

atsuro is... not my favorite. and he's doing bad. i need to take a look at his stats so i can fix his whole deal.

i just got keisuke... i dont remember if this is before any route divergence but if i'm stuck on his route or dollys i will literally kill myself because i do not like either of them at all. dolly is cute but like kind of bland. i really want to go haru route or maybe amane. i think i played amane back in the day, but i know i never finished because i got xp screwed and shelved it for so long i lost my place in the story.

the story really is the big reason to play the game, but i think they did an awesome job making the gameplay compelling too even if it's not the sort of thing i normally go for. the way the mechanics weave together is really awesome.

[aliettali]

blinks at you with my similarly big and wet eyes. prior warning i am stupid and english is hard. under the keep reading so i dont obliterate anything

to me moralism disco elysium tries to impress upon the player that passivity when employed by those in power doesn't really maintain the status quo because things just keep piling up. you cannot slap a bandage over an infected wound sans treatment and expect it to heal on its own! the rot already set in a while ago. infinitesimally slow progress is essentially the same as stasis. or not i thik i might be stupif

im like a loser and havent finished disco yet so i dont want to talk too hard about kim. Because if i'm wrong you will see me on the news. but also my chronic fence sitter king 

but yeah in english right now we're doing an american short story unit! bartebly the scrivener, a rose for emily, barn burning etc & they all have themes of like. passivity also? bartebly the scrivener basically talks about an overly pliant business owner who keeps accomodating his employee (bartebly, the scrivener), a rose for emily talks about the death of emily (reclusive woman who, among other things, simply refused to pay her taxes for years), and barn burning talks about sartoris (boy) and mr. snopes (his father who keeps burning barns)

they all deal with passivity in different ways? bartebly is passive, kind of, but his actions are still radical because he doesn't have the power in his situation. the ceo is passive because he’s an over empathetic pushover except his actions arent really doing anything. he accommodates bartebly but theres really not much coming from it other than demonstrating his spine of soft cotton. i took this as "passivity bad when you're in a position of power"

emily gets away with questionable things because the entire town just skirts around her. sprinkling lime around her house instead of telling her it smells like shit, giving her arsenic & inventing the official reason for her buying it, letting her not pay taxes because of mr. grierson... her servant probably knowing about said things but not saying anything about it... here, the whole passivity-position-of-power-thing comes up but in a different light: the community holds the power (socially and everything). if they rocked up to her house and forced her to pay she can't do much about that but they treat her like an artifact of the city that stays the same forever. until she dies

and barn burning is weirder because it deals more predominantly with the concept of loyalty to family vs the law. but also passivity is there because the main pov is a 10 year old kid. sartoris kinda just lets the narrative carry him around (albeit struggling with it a bit in the beginning) until the last couple of pages when he chooses the law over his arsonist father. idk if spoilers are important because the story was written in 1938 but the fathers....removal from the narrative... in the last couple of pages comes off to me like a radical change in institution (family institution?) and sartoris was the one to cause it. if he had stood to the side his mr.snopes would have kept burning things (BAD status quo), but his actions resulted in his father Not Doing That Anymore (MASSIVE change) & him breaking off from the institution of family (MASSIVE change). given he does feel conflicted about it but you know. fundamental shift in the course of your life does that to you. sartoris did technically have some power on account of being witness to his fathers various crimes, but also he's 10 and his father is menacing as fuck. thus passivity broken by radical action kind of. like a citizen knowing more about the gov they live under due to knowing first hand what injustice it causes. Thumbs up

Im sorry kings i dont know anything. 600 word rambling beam

gang the de hyperfixation is getting BADDDD i just rambled for 15 minutes about how the short stories we’re reading for english relate to moralism and kim’s values

[felikatze]

Hello again, I'd love to here more about Harumi and Sensei Garmadon, they sound really cute and fluffy!

hello again to you too~ late response cuz you caught me just as i was heading to sleep last night, whoops

havent intensely thought abt green swap in a hot second but!!! garmadon and harumi!!

for one, you are right, they are cute and fluffy. that found family dynamic, ykno?

on the other hand...

so, at like, s3, s4, that point, sensei g pretty much adopted harumi, and harumi is thrilled abt it cuz he's cool, but, at the beginning, they really only click cuz the other is what they "want" in a sense

see, harumi's motivation for finding the serpentine was distracting herself from her grief over her parents. and this plays a lot into my perception of canon harumi, too. i think she never quite got over that loss in canon too, and one of her big reasons for summoning garmadon isnt just revenge. she's also projected onto him as a pseudo parental figure for herself, hence the whole "what about a daughter?" scene from s8. she's still craving the parental affection she was robbed of.

with less time for this to fester, and much different circumstances behind her parents' deaths, she again latches onto garmadon as a replacement for her own parents

and garmadon is happy to oblige, cuz he misses lloyd, basically. in this AU, the ninja never find lloyd, so he's just Out There for a bit. Lloyd cant find garmadon and garmadon cant find lloyd and they both miss each other a ton.

when wu breaks garmadon out of the realm of madness to rescue harumi, he has way less emotional stake in it. but he still does it, cuz he sees a scared kid and just... can't help himself. initially, it is very much the affection for lloyd he never could live out, redirected. projection on both sides lmao.

for what i imagine s2 here, that's where harumi really starts seeing good in him. cuz, even if he's possessed by the overlord, even if he is the lord of evil, someone willing to storm a volcano for some random kid can't be all bad. harumi refuses to believe that.

and for sensei g, this girl believing in his inherent goodness is what finally saved him.

we have a selfless act in s1 stacking up with a selfless act in s2, so when s3 comes and the two have to stick together for weeks, they're inseperable after.

once they can get to know each other as people, the element of projection also lessens, and the two start on processing their grief, one step at a time.

(of course, lloyd is still alive, but hey, garmadon doesn't know that.)

and after all that, you get a scene from a fic i really should finish!! (thank you lloydweek for providing incentive for me to do so. i see the prompt trust/betrayal and i yell GREEN SWAP TIME BABEY)

it's still Rough tho i need to rewrite it lmao. hence all lowercase cuz i'm lazy. anyway.

---

"I can only imagine the kind of person he grew up to be." garmadon's eyes shine with pride. "if he's anything like you, then that's enough."

"like me? how am i good?"

"you're helping me now, aren't you?" he ruffles her hair the way her dad used to. "you're a kind girl deep down, harumi. kind, and smart, and inquisitive, and brave."

he stares ahead. harumi stares at him. "i'm sure lloyd will love a sister like you."

harumi is silent. dazed. her mind is spinning.

garmadon turns back to her and the moment ends. "i apologize. that was presumptious of me."

harumi holds an image in her mind. of herself, garmadon behind her. next to her, a rambunctious blond boy. all three of them smiling.

a happy family.

"i'm..." why do words fail her again now? "i'd love a brother like lloyd, too."

garmadon beams. harumi allows a small smile to creep through.

[shadowofahope]

NOT Gonna Happen

Warnings: Swearing? One bad word near the end.

Premise: Fight or Flight. Meet BTS or run away from BTS?

“Uh guys…. She’s rolling away.” Yoongi points to you and your attempt to escape the room. Hands grab your ankles to halt your getaway. “I hate all of you.” You groan up at Yeonjun, who still had hold of you. You give up, letting out a deep sight, wishing the ground would open from under you.

Ft. TXT

Authors notes: My honest to all the kpop gods, reaction to meeting these boys. YEET!

This is also a response to people constantly asking me, what would you do if you met BTS?

ALSO this is heavily un-edited. I'm really tired and I'm trying to write 3.5 stories at once! Wooooh, wish me luck!

masterlist

Today marks your 8th week working at BigHit, currently working with TxT on their new album and the chaos that always followed them. Walking down a hallway with one of the backup dancers you had become quick friends with, you felt at home in this monumental building. You are comfortable here, everyone making you feel at home.

“Pleasssssse” Sung-ho begs again. Hands on your shoulders, shaking you gently as he walks behind you. “You have to come.”

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea.” You whine back, swinging your staff badge back and forth on your neck. “You know I don’t want to meet them.

He tugs on your shoulders lightly forcing you to halt. Jumping in front of you, palms pressed together, eyes closed he starts begging.

“You promised you would come to one practice. Just this one. Please Please Please-”

Huffing in frustration, you screw up your nose. He silently waits for you to give in, as he knows you will eventually.

“Just this one.” You finally give in.

“Yaaay!” He cheers, jumping to your side.

In all the comotion you don’t notice the footsteps approaching you two from down a connecting hallway. Shrugging your friend off, you’re about to round the corner when you hear it. Instantly freezing.

“I think it’ll be safer to go over the choreo with the dancer one more time.”

“I agree, the timing still seems a little off. We should take a look at the schedules.”

“Sung-ho!”

Your friend smiles and turns to the voice that called him, turning his back to you.

“Hello, Taehyung. Jimin. Hoseok.” Sung-ho greets cheerfully.

“Do you have time to come with us to discuss the schedules for practice?” Jimin asks politely.

“Of course, I was just on my way to grab a snack with -” He starts to explain, turning to where you once stood. Hand hanging in the air, he’s dumbfounded.

“With-?” Hoseok questions.

“Apparently myself.” He turns back to the boys. How had you disappeared so quickly and to where?

He chuckled awkwardly at the idols, cursing you for putting him in this embarrassing situation.

They mirror back his awkward laugh, excusing themselves as they continue on down the hallway.

Your friend stands there for almost two full minutes, trying to figure out what in the hell just happened. He hears a rattle coming from the small storage room near him.

The door swings open.

“You did not just-“ He’s wheezing, trying to catch his breath.

“Don’t talk to me” You walk out of the storage room, in reality it’s more of a tiny linen closet. Upon hearing the idols voices, In sheer blind panic, you threw yourself into the closet and shut the door behind you.

Walking past your still wheezing friend, you push him playfully before continuing on towards the lounge. His loud cackles bouncing around you all the way there.

💜♾💜♾💜

You are sitting in a waiting room with TXT. You’ve made yourself comfortable on one of the couches facing away from the door across the large room, angled towards the wall full over mirrors for makeup and hair. Scrolling through your phone, while Kai and Taehyun talk about something animatedly behind you. You can see them every once in a while, flailing their arms, mimicking wild gestures.

You three had chosen to stay back while the other three needed to ‘stretch’ their legs and find something to drink. So when the door opens you don’t look up, expecting it to be the missing members. Your body lurches forward at the reflection in the mirror, panic spreading.

“Hyung!” Kai exclaims excitedly, bounding over to the 2 members of BTS that have entered the room. “What are you doing here?”

“Hello, we were looking for Jungkook. Have you seen him?” Namjoon asks, looking around the room.

“No, he hasn’t been through here.” Taehyun chirps next to his bandmate.

“Ok, I’ll try calling him again. '' Jin responds, pulling out his phone from his back pocket.

“What are you guys doing here?” Namjoon questions the younger idols.

“Oh, we are working on a concept for one of the singles off our album. Our producer -” Kai motions to the couch that you were on. Now being completely empty. Your slouching form gone, the room appeared empty as well. “Who apparently is gone now, was here helping us.”

Jin and Namjoon shared a skeptical glance at each other. Kai rubs the back of his head as he looks at his beandmember, giving him a confused tilt to his head, to which he gets a shrug in response.

“That’s the newer producer right?” Jin questions.

“Uh yea, that’s her.” Taehyun confirms, still utterly confused by your houdini act.

“We’ve heard a lot of great things about her, from all over, but we still havent seen her.” Namjoon concluded by nodding his head, in thought.

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll meet her soon. It’s bound to happen.” Kai reassures.

The duos bid each other goodbye, BTS leaving the room and TXT walking back towards the empty couch.

“How did she-where did she-?” Unable to fully ask his question, Taehyun looks around the room again.

Kai rounds the side of the couch, noticing a hood under the coffee table.

“Noona?” He tries to hide his laugh but fails miserably.

You lift your head from the floor, removing your hood, peering up from underneath the coffee table at the younger. You glare at him, crawling out as he falls back onto his butt laughing, Taehyun joining him on the floor. Both now convulsing with uncontrollable laughter.

Flopping angrily back onto the couch in your previous position, you ignore their incessant chattering and laughing. Recounting you hiding again and again. Even when the other members returned and they explained everything that happened while they were gone, you chose to angrily scroll on your phone until their pestering and teasing died down.

💜♾💜♾💜

Pacing back and forth in a secluded lounge area, you waited with all of the members of txt. You were waiting to hear back from the execs about your concept ideas. The boys had worked extremely hard to come up with a fully thought out concept, you had backed their ideas the whole way as they presented them to the higher staff. Now you waited, anxiously.

Drumming your hands together while pacing you chewed on your bottom lip nervously. Each member stationed on the couch, lounger ottoman, facing you. Legs bouncing in anticipation, knuckles cracking you stopped in front of the large window, facing them, the outside world behind you.

“Look guys, regardless of what happens you did amazing.” You smile at them. “And I’m unbelievably proud of you. All of you.”

Breaking them out of their stoppers, they look up at your faces glowing, pride swelling in their chests.

“Soobin-ah?” A deep voice calls from somewhere unknown, and you freeze.

The members of TXT jump up from their seats, whirling around in time to see all the members of bts walking around the balcony area over to them.

“Taehyung-hyung,” Soobin greets politely. “How are you all doing today.?”

“Good, we just finished rehearsals.” Taehyung explains, once they were standing just on the other side of the couch to him. “Have you guys heard anything yet? We saw the concept art, we really liked it!”

“Nothing yet. We were actually just waiting. Noona was just trying to-” Soobin attempts to explain, motioning behind him to you. Seeing the skeptical looks on their faces, he turned his head to see nothing. You had completely vanished. With furniture and a structural wall surrounding you, there was no place you possibly could be hiding.

Confusion evident on his face as he looks over at Yeonjun. Eyes silently asking him where you had gone, the older only shook his head, eyes just as wide, he shrugged in response.

“Right, the elusive producer we keep hearing about but never seeing.” Yoongi responds comically. “Maybe she isn’t real? But a ghost!”

Spooking Jin and Hoseok alike, they give him an alarmed glare.

“No, we promise she’s real.” Soobin persuades, his voice coming out in almost a plea.

Trying to affirm your existence to their Hyungs, Gyu becomes overwhelmingly curious. He walks over to the spot you had been standing, a deep frown settled on his features.

He does a full 360, in an attempt to understand where you could have gone. Upon turning around he notices something. Stifling a laugh and breaking into a full blown smile, he subtly waves Kai over, when they make eye contact. Kai nonchalantly makes his way over to him, Gyu mumbles something to him and he looks in the direction that Gyu was nodding. Trying to hide his own laugh, the two youngest members stand snickering, waiting for the members of BTS to walk away before exposing you to the group.

Once the groups bid each other goodbye, they both break out into hysterical laughter.

“What guys?” Yeonjun jumps at the unexpected hollering. But neither boy can speak, too consumed by laughter they both point to the semi open window.

“She didn’t” Taehyun launches himself over the ottoman in front of him rushing to the window. Soobin and Yeonjun right behind him. The three of them look out to see your figure hopping down from the last branch of the tree outside.

With lightning speed and zero hesitation, you had climbed out of the already opened window on the second floor. Stepped from the ledge onto a tree that's long, thick branches were supporting itself against the building. Then walked to the center of the large tree and climbed your way down.

Mass hysteria broke out between the 5 members.

“That’s it. We have to make her meet them.” Soobin exclaims, wiping a tear that fell down his cheek.

“Guys, I think I have a plan.” Yeonjun smirks. So they all huddled around to listen.

💜♾💜♾💜

Today was supposed to be your day off. But upon receiving a text from Soobin, saying they needed you there urgently for their concept proposal, you raced straight there. So there you were standing in the hall talking to an exec in a black oversized pullover hoodie and workout leggings. Today was about comfort over professionalism, well it was supposed to be.

But when you had finished your pleasant chat with the exec, he started apologizing profusely about something he couldn’t say. Trying to hide his chuckle, his eyes dart over your shoulder. Before you could press him about his comments, you were spun around and hoisted off of your feet. Draped over a shoulder like a sack of potatoes. In alarm you manage to struggle enough to see your kidnapper, Yeonjun.

“What are you dooooooiiiinnnng?” You whine, struggling more.

He says nothing, but turns down the hallway to the dance practice rooms.

“Put me down shrek.” You quote. Wiggling even harder to escape the ironclad grip on you.

“There’s no point Noona, just accept it.” A sweet cheerful voice, butts in, shoes coming into view as you tilt your head up to look.

“Really Kai, they have you in on this too?” You slump in defeat. “Fine, but don’t you dare fart.”

Your capture lets out a chuckle before entering the dance room. The other three members you can kind of see. Or at least their shoes. Your hood keeps flopping down and making it hard to tell.

“Guys seriously, why are you-” You begin as blood starts rushing to your head. Making you slightly dizzy.

“Hello Hyungs.” Yeonjun greets politely. Panic rising, you tilt your head to the side to look into the wall mirror, there you see all 7 members of BTS sitting on the floor, along with the other members of TXT standing around you. “This is Y/N-Noona, the real, not a ghost, producer.”

Realization hits you like a ton of bricks, as snickers and muffled laughs resonate behind you.

“Yeonjun…..” Your voice is a little shaky. “You did not just introduce me to BTS ass FIRST?!”

Everyone in the room breaks into rounds of full belly laughter as you are hoisted back over the shoulder, feet planted on the floor.

Turning shyly to the side, you make eye contact with each member of BTS. Your legs crumble beneath you, muttering ‘I could have lived my whole life without this’ angrily. You lay on the ground face down, hood over your head as more laughter ensues.

“You had to meet them at some point, even backwards!” Gyu exclaims between heaves of laughter, clutching his stomach .

Waving your hand blindly towards the members of TXT you bark “That’s it! We are no longer friends. Done, Forever, never again!”

Apologies begin to flow toward you but you ignore them. Eventually you ignore any comment that comes your way, still plastered to the floor, the 12 men begin to talk about other things. Completely unaware of you.

...Or so you thought….

“Uh guys…. She’s rolling away.” Yoongi points to you and your attempt to escape the room. Hands grab your ankles to halt your getaway.

“I hate all of you.” You groan up at Yeonjun, who still had hold of you. You give up, letting out a deep sight, wishing the ground would open from under you.

[offbeat-manga-ships]

i'm not a shotacon, but i like oneeshota so can i still answer? (((im one of those guys who likes it because of my childhood infatuations with older women and one or two particular down bad moments that i still havent been able to forget lol) (PLUS the unconventional aspect of younger lil dude x older gorgeous af woman (tho how i wish they varied a lil bit more in the oneesan chr designs... sigh..) & the fact of how a shta is a smaller guy (i like size difference when the woman is bigger) & because they are like a "boy character who hasnt reached manhood yet" so to speak. it's a bit like they're closer to genderlessness (conceptually ofc) and as a nonbinary person who loathed my own puberty this appeals to me. going back a bit to the boyhood/manhood dychotomy there is also the fact that there is something a bit more freeing in boyhood and restrictive in manhood not only gender-wise but in general behaviors. a lot of times this is also the primed place to see naked displays of emotion that are threading the line of innocence and an interest in romance etc which i think it's interesting))

SORRY all this to say that my in to being into it was misaki and aoi from kaichou wa maid-sama. for those who don't know, misaki is the protagonist and aoi is the crossdressing shota character.

they start on the rocks i think and then get pretty close.

this was right in a crucial moment for me because not only was i a tween going through puberty but also, while i had been watching anime my whole life, this was the time i was starting to get serious about it lol so i started watching shoujo too and realized i was falling hard for the female characters. that happened even more for the girls in shoujo than the ones in shounen and that basically informed my media consuming patterns to this day (tho i like material both aimed at girls and boys). it was kinda funny how much i was into the girls and not always into the romances of the shoujo shows. misaki was a special one to me because like

look at her bruh. this is who she is. someone who enjoys crossdressing once in a while. a girl who is strong and likes to be cool and she is so so dreamy. this was ALSO the time i was beginning to read manga so naturally i took up maid-sama. i read a lot of volumes and misaki and aoi got closer and closer, and to my elation it even seemed like he was starting to take a particular liking to her in that tsundere girly shota way and i fell HARD for them. i then started looking up content about them online and i found out that HE ACTUALLY CONFESSES at some point. even though that did make me happy for a moment (i wasn't delusional and i would get more aoi/misaki stuff).. i realized that i would only get this until i had to see misaki turn him down. because for as much as i loved them, the male lead, usui, was still a thing that existed. combining this breaking my 12 year old heart with the fact that i was noticing that i really didn't like how usui "made" misaki appear as

(like, you know how a guy in shoujo makes a cool&strong girl be like, right? the ending of maid-sama the anime was truly a warning of things to come:

— i realized i was a bit too hurt to continue reading maid-sama and i haven't finished to this day haha

after a while, (i don't really remember how much time) i found kimi no neiro [MAL / AL / MU], an ACTUAL crossdressing (genderfluid? transfem? :D) shota x princely older taller girl shoujo manga and that made me remember SO Much of misaki and aoi that i keep kimi no neiro close to my heart to this day (and also because i like the manga itself, even though it's definitely not perfect and i so dearly wish it was longer)

Dear shotacons, i have a good question for you guys: What was your "Shotacon awakening"?

(Aka: Wich was the first shota/Shota-leaning character that made you realize that you were a shotacon?)

For me it was Marulk from Made in Abyss, at first i thought he was a girl and i was like "Oh, she has such a cute design! I wonder if she will be a part of the main cast" and after i found out he was a boy and the rest of the story i automatically fell in love with him (Platonically, he was a cutie patootie in my eyes), i remember i even made an oc just so he could feel "less lonely"

[twstgameplay]

Unified examssss which means I'm here to ask the generous mods for help again kjdk

I actually managed to get an S on the first try when the exams were available! I never thought I'd get this far cries

I want to see if maybe this time I can push to SS rank if possible? I'd love to hit SSS rank at some point but I know I'm definitely not at that level yet dsffd I managed to raise my score to 86188 currently, Idk if it'll raise any bit more when I go to battle afterwards

Team composition and synergy I'm always really bad at but I'd like to think maybe I got a bit better since last time? Or at least maybe know which card to use I seem to always only able to do hp buddies much more n more easily than atk buddies fkjdsk

I've kinda played n switched around team members n diff combos but right now my current teams setup are mostly this:

FIRE (i havent been doing this one as much so my memory on wat teams i put together esp in the beginning is kinda hazy)

Dorm Jade LV 80, magic 5/7, max buddies

PE Floyd LV 60, magic 10/4, max buddy (originally I think I had Dorm Deuce here who was LV 80, magic 6/6, max buddies)

Silk Cater LV 60, max magic, LV 5 buddy Jamil

Tsum Riddle LV 12, magic 5/5, max buddies (hoping to level him up now since Riddle's bday campaign is ongoing, tho currently I replaced him with Lab Ace but I haven't played using him yet)

Dorm Trey/Dorm Azul support

WATER

PE Epel LV 60, 6/4, max buddy

SM Jade LV 85, 9/8, max buddies (I might limit break him to 90 since I have the perfumes now)

Lab Azul LV 71, 5/2, max buddies

NY Kalim LV 80, 7/5, max buddies

FG Leona/Dorm Trey support

FLORA

Beans Floyd LV 107, max magic/buddies

Tsum Leona LV 80, 5/5, max buddies except Jack LV 5

Robe Azul LV 76, 5/5, max buddies

Robe Vil LV 45, 5/5, max buddies

Dorm Riddle support

NULL (I also haven't been really focusing on this one much either since I know I lack the firepower)

Dorm Jack LV 42, 5/5, max buddies except Leona

Beans Floyd LV 107, max magic/buddies

Robe Vil LV 45, 5/5, max buddies

Camp Ruggie LV 80, max magic/buddies

Dorm Leona support

(I think my original starting team for this was Beans Floyd, SM Jade, Robe Vil, Robe Azul, and Dorm Leona support)

OMNI

Beans Floyd LV 107, max magic/buddies

SM Jade LV 85, 9/8, max buddies

Camp Ruggie LV 80, max magic/buddies

Robe Azul LV 76, 5/5, max buddies

Birthday Vil support

(the original starting team for this was the same as the starting one for null I think, with the support maybe being diff when I was trying out diff combos)

For SSRs, I have these:

(🦈: Thanks for sending the image again and no worries!)

SRs:

-I have all permanent SRs, except for Lab Jamil

-I have all event SRs, except for Beans Jack, GM Epel, DW Ortho, Silk Malleus, MC Trey, and MC Kalim I believe

(I didn't want to list them out since there's so much and this is already chaotic enough as it is jfjskdf but if you need me to I can list them instead)

Definitely still working on leveling a lot of them but it'sss,,,,slow kjfsdkf

Thank you for any help you can provide and sorry bout the mess of this whole thing! Yall are always a wonderful help and I really appreciate all that yall do to help us players!

———

Hi~

Idk what your current score for each element is, but here are some teams you can try out:

FIRE DEFENSE (7 or 6 buddies)

Dorm Jade (Water/Fire), HP buddy with Azul and ATK buddy with Trey

Silk Cater (Fire/Water), healer

Lab Idia (Water/Water), HP buddy with Cater and ATK buddy with Ortho

Dorm Trey (Water/Flora), healer + HP buddy with Cater OR Robe Ortho (Flora/Water), healer + HP buddy with Idia

Support Dorm Azul (Water/Water), healer + HP buddy with Idia and ATK buddy with Jade

When choosing between Trey and Ortho, use whichever you have at higher level or can get you to finish the battle on turn 5. Trey should have more HP with both Cater and Idia in team, but Ortho hits harder and heals more too. Also keep in mind that Trey buffs Jade and Ortho buffs Idia.

WATER DEFENSE (7 buddies)

Camp Ruggie (Water/Flora), HP buddy with Epel

SM Jade (Water/Flora), HP buddy with Azul + has debuff on M1

PE Epel (Flora/Flora), healer and HP buddy with Ruggie

Lab Azul (Flora/Fire), healer and HP buddy with Epel

Support GM Idia (Water/Flora), HP buddy with Azul

I don’t think you’ll have any trouble with killing using this team, but you can also try Robe Ortho in Azul’s place. You lose 1 buddy, but get more DMG.

FLORA BASIC (6 buddies & 2 DUOs)

Beans Floyd (Flora/Fire), ATK buddy and DUO with Vil

Robe Azul (Null/Flora), ATK buddy with Floyd and Ruddle’s DUO partner

Robe Cater (Fire/Flora), good ATK SR, but mostly here to buff Riddle

Robe Vil (Fire/Water), Floyd’s DUO partner

Support Dorm Riddle (Fire/Fire), ATK buddy with Cater and DUO with Azul

You can also keep using TsumTsum Leona in Cater’s place to add an extra DUO with Floyd, so check which will give you a better result: buffed Riddle or a 3rd DUO.

NULL BASIC (7 buddies & 5 DUOs)

Beans Floyd (Flora/Fire), ATK buddy and DUO with Vil

Dorm Leona (Flora/Flora), ATK buddy and DUO with Vil

Camp Ruggie (Water/Flora), DUO with Floyd

Dorm Jack (Fire/Flora), ATK buddy with Leona and DUO with Ruggie

Support Dorm Vil (Flora/Null), DUO with Leona

Dorm Vil is good here cuz he adds a 5th DUO to the team, but another good option would be SM Vil to buff Floyd’s DUO by activating it with his Fire magic.

OMNI BASIC (7 buddies & 3 DUOs)

Beans Floyd (Flora/Fire), ATK buddy and DUO with Vil

Camp Ruggie (Water/Flora), ATK buddy with Ace and DUO with Floyd

Robe Vil (Fire/Water), Floyd’s and Leona’s DUO partner

Lab Ace (Null/Water), ATK buddy with Ruggie

Support Dorm Leona (Flora/Flora), ATK buddy and DUO with Vil

You can also use someone like Dorm Jade in Ace’s place if you need more Fire or another option to DUO with Floyd if Ruggie doesn’t show up. Another alternative would be to use your own Dorm Leona in Robe Vil’s place and borrow a support Dorm or SM Vil depending on what you need.

Hoping it helps, good luck!

~ 🦈

[lazypetals]

we're back at school bitches and i've been up to my walking all day and staying under my cal limit. let's fucking go. xmas break at home was just full of food and people and i wasn't weighing myself or bodychecking and yeah it was nice and i'm fortunate to have that, but in the back of my mind i felt like shit because i knew that i'd regret every bite of cannoli from that new bakery and eating sandwiches until my stomach felt like it was gonna explode and huge scoops of vanilla ice cream with extra chocolate chips (that i willingly added cause i'm fucking fat) once i got back to school and had more awareness of my body.

it sounds bad but it feels so good. i missed ed youtube. i missed weighing myself every hour and checking my waistline after every sip of water. bodychecking whenever i pee or just getting the urge to bodycheck and going to my mirror to life my shirt up. it's so comforting because i finally know i can do it. i plateaued so hard from 2020 to the first few months of 2021. i was like 160-165 for most of that time. then i got my shit together and it started working, and i finished off my semester and went home in the low 150s and i was so amped. but i went home for 4 months. and i went back to 163 JUST IN TIME TO GO ON MY FIRST SLEEPOVER COTTAGE TRIP AND TOOK PICTURES IN BIKINIS WITH MY FRIENDS THAT THEY ALL POSTED. and they're all so skinny and have those vertical belly buttons and honestly the pics weren't terrible but i look like an absolute blob but i wasn't gonna say that and stop them from posting because that would just make me stand out more. anyway september rolled around, i was back at school, then my grandma died, school was busy and i was just straight up not vibing.

but october -> december.......... im in love. december 2nd 2021. i saw the 140s for the first time since i was 15 years old. my lowest weight ever was around that time, beginning of 2017 when i was delivering newspapers every week and walking like crazy to high school and back. it was 138 pounds. if i could get back to something even close to that i would cry. december 2nd 2021 though was 149.8 pounds. and honestly? i was ecstatic. i bought a scale off facebook marketplace because i couldn't handle being away from the one i had at home and not knowing my weight. december 2nd i met that girl in front of a subway and i practically ran home i was so fucking excited. and to see my lowest weight in literally years, breaking below the 150s.... im still giddy.

I KNOW I CAN DO IT AGAIN. again, unfortunately winter break happened and i left home on jan 17th somewhere around 154 again. but that's okay. because i was 151.4 yesterday/last night and that's exactly where i was on november 27th 2021.

and actually i'm gonna weigh myself right now.

151.2!!!! AND I HAVENT EVEN POOPED IN 2 DAYS OR SLEPT YET IT'S LITERALLY 7:15 AM

im manifesting this for me. i have basically nothing to eat in my fridge or cupboard. the only food i really have rn is:

- assorted bag of oh henry/reese cups/cookies and creme

-cottage cheese

-carton of eggs

-3 cheesestrings

-a small sleeve of 8 crackers

-some cream cheese

-cans of 100cal chicken noodle soup

-some frozen broccoli

-frozen fries

-frozen fish

-hot chocolate powder (i deserve it fuck off)

-teaaaaa

-also some more frozen english muffins (160cal) and other dry pasta to be cooked, tuna cans, just other assorted low cal stuff that takes too much effort to make

it couldn't be easier. when i go in for my lab tomorrow i'm gonna get some cucumbers, cold cut slices (usually like 20-30cal per slice), and cherry tomatoes on the way home. those are my all time safe foods i'm telling you like 2 cold cut slices 2 baby cucumbers and im full for hours it's fucking magical.

wish me luck i cannot WAIT

(i just dont wanna lose all my ass though thats the only thing i have going for me) (it seems fine so far) (but id much prefer finally having skinny arms instead of my stupid thick meaty forearms and basically bingo wings over an ass any day)

peace

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom 14-20 thoughts!! I finished up s1 :D these last few eps were actually really really good!!!

-did. did tucker really just say esperanto was a dead language only spoken as a secret code between geeks. google says around 100,000 people actively speak it. oh my god...it being an auxiliary language doesn't mean its 'just for geeks to speak in code' ...it helps bridge gaps between people who don't have a language in common...

-danny really isn't pulling punches when it comes to fighting the ghost-cop possessed people huh. like he SLAMMED KWAN INTO THE CONCRETE SO HARD. HE THREW PAULINA INTO A BILLBOARD. will that...I mean it WOULD carry over to their bodies non-possessed, right? like if the ghost piloting their bodies gets hurt?? itd be so upsetting to be possessed, lose time, then wake up covered in bruises (and possibly, broken bones??) real horror movie stuff im sure wont be addressed in any way

-tuckers parents seem nice! I like them :)

-WULF IS CUTE AND I FEEL BAD. im so glad the gang realized he was only causing trouble bc of the shock collar walker put on him and helped. also, him wearing that big hoodie with the hood on, and thinking its subtle. we can tell youre still a giant wolfie :) THEN GETTING SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL AAAAH :( anxiously waiting to see Him Again....

-DANNY BLASTING HIS PARENTS THINKING THEY WERE OVERSHADOWED LMFAO GET THEIR ASSES. maddie marking how many ghosts she gets with lipstick tallies on the side of her portal gun? kindaaa iconic tho. (ALSO, SHE WAS LIKE, 2 FT AWAY FROM HIM RIGHT AFTER SHE TRIED TO SHOOT HIM. HOW DO YOU NOT RECONINZE YOUR OWN SON??? like sure, he might have diff hair/eye colors. but like, if one of my family members dyed their hair, and was wearing contacts, its not like id be like 'wHO IS THIS STRANGER!!!' ...he still has all his facial features!! same everything!!! I hate it here)

-paulina being #1 girl realizing danny's a friendly ghost immediately. smart queen. lancer and kwan ran away right after he made this sweet baby face at them:

which is hilarious.

-ok. im not saying his bullying is JUSTIFIED, but. dash looked so pleased with the (cute!) poster he just painted, and danny comes thru the wall and spills paint on his nice letterman jacket. his anger is justified maybe 65% of the time so far...(not the way he handles it, but STILL.) at least lancer is stepping in!! and them making a silly little bet was...cute?? until dash pulled out his GROSS UNDERWEAR AND SAID DANNY WOULD HAVE TO EAT THEM???? WHAT THE FUCK MAN. TUCKER WAS SO RIGHT ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO CARRY THOSE AROUND EWWW. THIS KID IS UNWELL. lancer was right, his animatronic setup was SUPER IMPRESSIVE?? hes actually pretty creative. danny meanwhile is stealing the fright knight's design...I hope dash is taking art classes or smth with his sports

-fright knight is the most bestest ghost so far i LOVE THAT DESIGN. I am biased towards knights, and characters with swords, but he fucks so severely. and should sue danny for copyright infringement for stealing his design for his haunted house. if some 14 yr old broke into MY house and stole MY sword, id also be pissed. his evil winged unicorn rules too with its FANGS. and he just CAN SHOVE THE PORTAL OPEN WITH HIS HANDS??? is he the strongest ghost weve seen so far? idk but hes my fav. SOUL SHREDDER IS SUCH A COOL SWORD NAME TOO. ANY NAMED SWORD ALSO FUCKS. 'flaming bedsheets of DEATH' funny king. ALSO he was polite to dash and tucker when just asking for directions and telling tucker 'oh maybe, just a suggestion, maybe be nicer to me and be more respectful :)' I LOOOVE HIM.

-I noticed this in the Ember ep, but jazz has an electric guitar in her room!! talent musical queen!! its cool to see hobbies just in the bg.

-fright knight's murder castle reminds me of the booby trapped murder castle in zexal!! another supposedly 'for kids' show with murder/trap castles! we love that. if you are a dp fan reading this, give yugioh zexal a try. its also got 13-14 year old protags and involves (alien) ghosts. the cardgame is just a vessel for the plot, which is really good. (I just want more people to watch my fav yugioh, man)

-danny. with a SWORD.

-danny doesnt NEED TO WIN this contest, dash didnt STEAL HIS DESIGNS AND STEAL A SWORD. he also got excited to hear lancer got sent to a dimension with his worst fears too just so he could win the contest? DANNY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!!! BRO MAYBE YOURE 14 AND HAVENT FULLY DEVOLPED YOUR WHOLE BRAIN YET, BUT...THATS FUCKED. this kid casually says the most deranged things, I do worry for my spooky son. once again, therapy needed. that judo toss was great tho. I wonder if he actually did pick up some martial arts stuff from his mom?

-danny can fly 112 mph!!! thats so fast! I love the lil montage of him and his friends testing his abilities and stuff, very cute and a good way to showcase what he can do by now and how much more proficient he's gotten from ep 1!!! I'm sure he's going to get more abilities :)

-im glad...maddie's at least TRYING this ep. I do feel for her because her husband is a man baby. but the fact it took 16 episodes to get a kinda semblance of any kind of real concern or attempts at bonding. hmm. jack's 'BACK OFF SHES A MINOR' @ the ghost trying to attack jazz. also was very funny. and him wanting to make an action figure of her? are the parents redeeming themselves to me? slightly. they gotta Work Harder

-THE GHOST. IS FLYING. THE PLANE.

-fenton machete. but she doesnt carry a PHONE??? ???

-I mean I expected vlad when you namedrop him earlier in the ep, and also the title card picture, and dalv corp being fucking vlad backwards. but seeing him just pull up on a golf cart made me bust out laughing. WITH the gift baskets prepared. why wouldnt you at least be suspicious. also, if he wants danny to be his lil sonboy, why is he so fucking malicious?? dude you are going about this in such a bad way. stop it. get some help.

-maddie not even hesitating to drag danny out. fucking good. danny is so right, go on the internet to date. get a cat. how do you spend...how many years?? has it been since college?? at least 20, right, since the parents/vlad are in their 40s? hung up on ONE girl. my god, man. incel drama queen. her kung fu IS impressive, but dude. 'we both know hes a creep' SO right. it sucks but they do need a phone and shit being in the middle of NOWHERE. also, just stealing his helicopter was great. <3

-'you must be exhausted carrying the weight of that mistake you made years ago' 'well we all make mistakes. maybe I'll make one now!' WHY DID THIS EXHCHANGE SEND ME. AND VLAD WITH THE BREATH SPRAY EWWW BITCH. 'OLD BAIT BREATH' SOO RIGHT. both danny and his mom playing him HAHAH hes so dumb. or rather, I think he thinks with his emotions too too much and is...actually pretty gullible? lmao he believed danny was ready to give in SO fast. (which is sad hes that hopeful, like you have SO MUCH MONEY YOU COULD EASILY GET ANOTHER GIRL WHO HAS A KID. AND WOULD WANT TO BE WITH YOU AND BE SUPPORTED. GET OVER THIS (1) WOMAN ALREADY IM GETTING SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT AAAAH)

-GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR GHOST BEAR. it was also in the title card, but I still got very excited. we love bears here

-SAM'S BAT SWIMSUIT COVERUP!!! her outfits are simply iconic.

-'i'd tell you to go to the mens room, but I don't think you qualify' top paulina transphobic moments. :( and him wearing a tanktop to the swim park? hmmm! (actually I think she was overshadowed by then, so, KITTY top 10 transphobic moments??)

-kitty just piloting paulina around makes me feel SO bad tho, paulina's gonna wake up and be like 'wtf do you mean I was dating this rando' like youre leading danny on to make johnny jealous, and also just POSSESSING POOR PAULINA. dude take your relationship problems ELSEWHERE. last time we saw them, they seemed like such a cute couple!! wtf johnny!! I mean, she sucks for trying to make him jealous, he sucks for looking at other girls...maybe they need a break, but Not Like This. or, you know, just. better communication...

-and the A-listers having a full packet and a stamp system. who organizes this. kwan fucking owning being the new danny though, this is hysterical. THE TUCKER/KWAN FLOWER FIELD TWIRL. UNIRONICALLY ADORABLE. and him giving it his all for the poetry slam. bless his HEARTTTT.

-Star owns. actually, all of the extra characters are shining this ep and I love it.

-INVISO-BILL??? NOOOO THEY DID HIM SOO DIRTY. DANNY SWEETIE IM SO SORRY.

-johnny and danny bein friends and staging a fake fight (which danny takes too seriously, once again this child has aggression he NEEDS TO WORK OUT) I hope these three stay friends, I said it before but danny needs more friendly ghosts to hang with.

-at this point, Danny's ghost enemies are a lot like, I dunno, batman's rouge gallery is the first thing that comes to mind. they all have their own gimmick and unique designs, but most of them are easy to beat after learning the Moral Lesson. I still get excited when any of them show up again, though. 18 is another valerie episode!!!! :D skulker really said you two will get along if I have to handcuff you together <3 and the gym teacher really said, youre married now, have a flour baby! ngl, I'm not really watching this show for the shipping stuff (which I am very scared to look at the fandom for after I finish this watch through- I feel like there's probably discourse/arguing about ships...) but. I'm gonna put my opinion out there. valerie/danny > sam/danny. maybe I just really love the enemies to lovers trope. And the secret identity stuff adds Extra Flavor.

-SKULKER JUST HAVING THE BOX GHOST AND DANGLING HIM BY A STRING. HILARIOUS. and him watching them with binoculars and making his silly little commentary. AND MAKING THE SACK BABY CRY. LMAO. THIS DUDE IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. skulker is super fun

-danny, you just...collapsed the water tower. and then attacked the nasty burger machine...mascot thingy...out of anger..I KEEP SAYING HE'S GOT ANGER ISSUES BUT. HE REALLY NEEDS A LESSON IN MANAGING COLLATERAL DAMAGE!!! So does valerie!! They're both pretty focused on each other. I mean it's good of Danny to say he's trying to make sure PEOPLE don't get hurt, but... (I mean I guess it's not something 14 year olds WOULD worry about, but as an adult im like, who's going to fix that? how much money will that take??)

-TUCKER MAKING BANK. and sam and tucker being super emotionally attached to their flour baby and being pretty good parents. that's cute...also him just straight kissing her and being like. WAIT. O_O JDSKAFHD. his mom baking them into cookies was the funniest possible result. tbh I dont feel like this is on tucker, if anything the other kid's shouldve been more responsible! He was just taking an opportunity to get that $$ which I respect

-Danny being more understanding of Valerie's situation in the end (helping her at her job, too, and trying to keep that a secret for her!!!) And seeing them work together this ep, and also her letting phantom get her out of the ghost zone...was very sweet. LOVE that. more valerie eps pls

-me when I realize vlad's big stupid house exploded because of his own carelessness with changing the ghost portal ectofiltrator or whatever: *pointing and laughing*

-me when I realize it means he's gonna go make danny's life hell for it somehow: >:(

-SCOOBY PARODY!!! I feel like there's gotta be some scooby doo/danny phantom crossover stuff, right? also, 'guys in white' men in black wishes

-'oh, that's right! dad married the love of your life! you're bitter and alone!' DANNNNNYY GET HIS ASS ONCE AGAIN WE ARE POINTING AND LAUGHING AT VLAD

-'jack, you captured the ghost boy!!' UMM. he did nothing <3 'we have a weapon's vault??' YOU HAVE A WEAPONS VAULT??? and jack didnt put a handle on the inside. of fucking course he didnt! why would you leave that to your son!! or expect him to clean YOUR LAB when its where you work with probably dangerous chemicals and weapons and hes 14!! give him normal chores, like, I dunno, vacuuming, laundry, dishes...CMON. I hate it here. But I'm glad Jack is more chill about danny while he's a ghost, and willing to work with him for this ep. AND. I DID ENJOY JACK PUNCHING VLAD IN THE FACE. AND GENERALLY JUST OWNING HIM. the ghost punchy fists are actually amazing. like yeah, just punch a ghost in the face. that rules.

-ep 20 opens with the coolest fucking ghost lady design. her tattoos can come off and fight. MA'AM. I like ur nose ring and your cape maam hello 👉👈😳

-sam's grandma is hilarious and the most valid member of her family and I love her. thats my grandma now. and tucker covering for sam by dressing as her. thats true friendship <3 also skipping school to go to a goth circus. just bestie things! sam's parents are haters but for all the wrong reasons.

-'my family has controlled ghosts with this for generations!' WAIT. WAIT FREAKSHOW /ISNT/ A GHOST? I didn't expect that...he's just a fucked up guy controlling ghosts? anyway watching danny shoot at police cars and rob banks while mind controlled. its like, the most stereotypical 'bad' things lmao. (tbh an evil ghost circus troupe is a sick concept)

this gives off big deviantart emo edit vibes

(I'm going to assume evil circus reaper danny has a lot of fan content. people love an edgy au, except this one is canon (even tho its via mind control...having the protag go evil otherwise might be hard, I guess?) but au where he stays with the troupe...that has to exist, right?)

ANYWAY. excited to start s2!! lowkey surprised by how many notes some of these posts have gotten. I've gone back and tagged them all with 'dp thoughts' so they're easier to find on my blog! ^^ and I will probably possibly do (more) fanart on my art blog after I finish the watch of the whole show, so like. @sanchoyodraws follow my art blog :)

[rizahawkais]

I LOVED season 1 and 2 of the crown but found season 3 quite dull and difficult to get through. I'm enjoying season 4 (still havent finished bc I watch with my family and we're rarely all together) but I think that the earlier seasons were a lot better in my opinion

hi! i completely agree w you!

I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY! I replied to this the day you sent it but my laptop crashed and I lost everything I wrote so I put off till now!

All in all, the writing for the first two seasons were WAY better. My ranking is s2 > s1 > s4 >>>>> s3. In my opinion, season three was kind of terrible.

hahaha this is so so long.

In the first two seasons each episode’s mini story for the day was actually INTERESTING. Like, I loved where one episode was about the Mountbatten name and then the next was about the Great Smog! But, there was always an overarching plot and it always added up in the end. S1, S2 and S4 all had an overarching plot that worked! S1 was balancing family and the crown. S2 was balancing prime ministers and her husband. S4 was the downfall of Margaret Thatcher and Charles/Diana. S3 LITERALLY HAD NO PLOT! It was just a bunch of stories put together. The finale for season 3 was about the end of Margaret’s marriage! And although, it is an important event in the family’s history the fact that it was the finale episode????

Anyways, Season 3 genuinely just sucks. Season 4 is REALLY good. Yet, it still doesn’t leave as much of an affect on me like the earlier seasons. AND LIKE I KNOW BECAUSE I’VE REWATCHED THE FIRST THREE SEASONS SO MANY TIMES. I’ve only seen the fourth once because I’m too busy and it’s also too early for me to rewatch it. So, maybe my opinion of season 4 will change!

Now, because I am extra 😈😈 and crazy I will talk about every single episode IN ORDER. hehehehehehe. feel free to hate me

SEASON ONE

101 Wolferton Splash - 10/10 this episodes just sets everything up! we see how happy the marriage is and how loving king george is and we also see the FORSHADOWING!! we see lilibet and phillip making their life thinking they had time when we know they don’t and it’s just :( AN AMAZING PILOT EPISODE WITH AMAZING QUOTES!

102 Hyde Park Corner - 1000/10 this episode needs no explanation. the suspense and DRAMA right before lilibet finds out about her dad ALWAYS gets me!!

103 Windsor - 10/10 I hated this episode the first time I watched it! I didn’t understand the importance of her uncle and I didn’t understand the complexity behind the episode. I was 14 when I saw this episode for the first time! So, mind you I was quite ignorant. but, david basically represents the audience in the show for those who hate the monarchy and call them out on their hypocrisy. BUT DAVID IS A TERRIBLE PERSON! FUCK DAVID! i understand hating the monarchy and for him i know it was personal but the way he talks about his family in the letters UGHUGHGUHGUHGUHGUH this man is evil! there’s also the other story in the episode about the mountbatten name which is so brilliant!

104 Act of God - 15/10 this episode was boring on first watch but I WAS FOURTEEN! this episode took a break from the monarchy and concentrated on a british national horrific event THAT WAS IMPORTANT and i liked how it connected throughout the episode and all that and the CINEMATOGRAPHY OMGGGGG! anyways, something that pisses me off about this episode is that the crown kind of has the same kind of audience as euphoria! they only care about a hot actor or iconic character or the aesthetics AND THAT MAKES ME ANGRY! bc those are the ppl who call this episode the boring fog episode and the latest episode of euphoria a waste of time! they don’t understand the importance of what their watching. an event that killed hundreds by something that could have been avoided bc of science and for euphoria an ongoing pandemic of an ugly world and its affect on ppl not wanting to go on! IM SORRY THIS TURNED INTO A RANT but this episode is important in reminding audiences that disasters can be avoided but also once they happen anything can happen THIS WAS A SAD EPISODE OKAY AND I LOVED VENETIA SCOTT!

105 Smoke and Mirrors - 100/10 THE CORONATION EPISODE! Phillip tries to bring it to the common public and all the fighting between them just makes the coronation even more impactful when we watch it!

106 Gelignite - 8/10 I DESPISED MARGARET IN THE FIRST SEASON i saw her as a spoiled brat who wanted to marry her dad’s assistant! AND ALSO HOW DID SHE NOT REALIZE THERE WAS DEFINITE GROOMING INVOLVED! this episode is generally very good but margaret just pisses me off a lot! however, her not being able to marry peter boresend shouldn’t have been because of his divorcee status but bc he simply was a predator in anyone’s clear eyes IM SORRY IF YOU DISAGREE BUT SHE MET HIM SO YOUNG NO WAY THERE WAS NO GROOMING good episode but pissed off at margaret’s lack of critical thinking besides but I WANT HIMMMMM LIKE I WANT EVERYTHING

107 Scientia Potentia Est - 11/10 hated this when i first watched it! but now one of my favorites! lilibet feels dumb and needs a tutor! prime minister and wannabe prime minister have health problems and keep it from her! lilibet finds out by accident and they all get yelled at! I LOVE WHEN SHE YELLS AT MEN!

108 Pride & Joy - 10/10 this episode is just adds on to the overarching plot of the season: balancing the crown and family. margaret says disrespectful things to ppl who don’t deserve it in place of lilibet while she’s on the commonwealth tour fighting with her husband! then lilibet scorns margaret and we see an ugly papa loved me more argument! absolutely brilliant!

109 Assassins - 1000/10 hated it the first time but now I LOVE THIS EPISODE! it’s the painting and porchey episode and churchill leaving episode. It’s so so so good! i honestly have no words to describe the brilliance of this episode besides the acting done by almost the entire main cast CLAIRE WOW! MATT WOW! STEPHEN (THE PAINTER) WOW! JOHN WOW! HARRIET WOW! when we see the painting getting burned coincided w the downing st dinner GETS ME EVERYTIME I LOVE IT SO SO MUCH!

110 Gloriana - 100/10 the climactic fight between the crown and family! which will lilibet choose?? and the foreshadowing to suez MWAH!

SEASON TWO

201 Misadventure - 100/10 LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS EPISODE the cutesy lilibet and phillip until it all goes down WOW! and the suez stuff i love it all

202 A Company of Men - 100/10 this is where i think mike’s wife starts snooping or it’s the next episode BUT THIS IS WHERE SOMETHING BEGINS FOR SURE first of all it foreshadows the episode later in the season about philip’s childhood AND MATT’S ACTING!! it’s too good for words!

203 Lisbon - 100/10 i like it when they fight lol that’s the only way i know how to describe why i love it LILIBET WAS EXCITED TO SEE HIM AND SO WAS HE but then mike ruined it by being a disgraceful and dishonest man RUINING EVERYTHING

204 Beryl - 10/10 i start to like margaret bc i feel bad for her! she’s suffering she’s sad that her lil predator boyfriend is no longer w her but look who it is MATTHEW GOODE! he not suspicious at all but the writers are like here take 20 minutes of perfect chemistry between the actors!

205 Marionettes - 100/10 I LOVE THIS EPISODE basically someone who loves the monarchy insults the monarchy and lilibet actually goes to listen to them! w resistance of course but she still took everything he said to fix the monarchy !

206 Vergangenheit - 1000/10 one of my favorites! i didn’t know about david’s nazi past so when i watched this episode for the first time i was completely baffled! another episode where she yells at a man!!!! i’m always annoyed in this episode tho by all the talk from the priest about forgiveness bc im like why would u want to forgive david for being a nazi?? but i think it was intentional by the writers to show the importance of understanding forgiveness and the grounds for it! THIS EPISODE IS JUST PERFECT IM ANNOYED BC I DON’T WANT TO FORGIVE HIM

207 Matrimonium - 9/10 this episode is amazing BEFORE you’ve seen season three bc you root for margaret and tony! but, also throughout the episode there’s all that tony and family and his gf and bf stuff that you think is going to lead somewhere but doesn’t??? like what was the point of introducing his mother and his relationships if it was going nowhere and not even mentioned in season 3??? LIKE WHAT WAS THE POINT WHAT WAS THE REASON? but, also there’s lilibet and phillip fluff in this episode I LOVE

208 Dear Mrs. Kennedy - 10/10 this episode is fun as an american bc i think jackie kennedy and jfk are so idolized here in america it was so interesting to see this other pov! BUT I ALSO REALLY LOVED LILIBET DANCING W NKRUMAH! I THOUGHT IT WAS SO CUTE AND THE MARTIN CHARTERIS STUFF LEADING UP TO IT WAS SO FUNNY!

209 Paterfamilias - 100000/10 no words. IT WAS SO SMART TO PARALLEL PHILIP AND CHARLES this has a lower rating than the previous episode which makes no sense but only goes to prove the idolization of jackie and jfk

210 Mystery Man - 100/10 EVERYTHING FROM THE FIRST EPISODE IS ADDRESSED IN THIS EPISODE THE SEASON COMES FULL CIRCLE JUST LIKE SEASON ONE DID AND SEASON THREE DID NOT DO THAT AND SEASON FOUR DID IT TOO BUT NO WHERE AS GREATLY

every single episode of seasons two has a 9+ rating from me!

SEASON THREE (worst season)

301 Olding - 5/10 weak starter but good for introducing olivia as lilibet and harold wilson and departing churchill BUT THAT’S IT! like the whole spy thing just went bleh LIKE IT HAD POTENTIAL but it needed early seasons writing not third season writing techniques TOBIAS DID A GREAT JOB THO IN THIS EPISODE HE WAS A GREAT RECAST FOR PHILIP

302 Margaretology - 6/10 okay. just okay. margaret kind of bratty but you actually feel bad for her then she gets bratty again and then you feel bad for her again and the scenarios in the episode just didn’t feel real like the whole lyndon b johnson was so jealous of jfk that he was rude to the queen so they sent margaret JUST DIDN’T MAKE SENSE like i know this show is fictional but the fiction tends to be believable until i research the episode afterwards BUT FOR THIS it just didn’t make sense

303 Aberfan - 1000/10 ONE OF THE GOOD EPISODES OF THE SEASON! those first fifteenish minutes??? TEARS! i never knew about aberfan until this episode and seeing this episode made me cry!

304 Bubbikins - 10000/10 THIS EPISODE IS TECHNICALLY NOT AS GOOD AS THE ABERFAN EPISODE BUT THIS IS A PERSONAL PREFERENCE we meet anne and alice in this episode AND I LOVE BOTH OF THEM (erinsdoherty is my current url!) this episode is so sad and sweet at the same time and loving bc i’m a sucker for philip’s back story!

305 Coup - 8/10 this had potential I FEEL LIKE IF THEY WROTE THIS EPISODE DIFFERENTLY LIKE HOW THEY WROTE ONE OF THE SUEZ EPISODE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER the fact that it all went to nothing and nothing basically happened WHAT WAS THE POINT

306 Tywysog Cymru - 1000/10 this episode made me like charles! what a horrendous statement! but, like i thought his relationship w his tutor was so heartwarming and he actually seemed to care and all that and it just all in all MADE ME HAPPY like this episode isn’t sad it’s a happy episode until the last scene w lilibet BUT YEA they gave us this one good episode until we hate him which i appreciate makes the story telling better

307 Moondust - -100/10 hate this episode LIKE GENUINELY HATE IT HATE HATE HATE and tbh im generally very very nice w my opinions ANYWAYS I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THIS EPISODE BUT IT WAS SO STUPID LIKE THE ASTRONAUTS BEING ASSHOLES WAS STUPID PHILIP BEING AN ASSHOLE TO THE PRIESTS WAS STUPID LIKE PHILIP IS AN ASSHOLE BUT IT’S BEHIND PEOPLE’S BACKS AND THEN THEY KILLED ALICE OFF SCREEN I HATE THIS EPISODE

308 Dangling Man - -1000/10 HATE THIS ONE TOO this episode convinced me that the writers for the first two seasons to this season has changed all of a sudden we forget that david was basically a nazi and the charles we met two episodes ago sees him as exactly like this uncle who he swore he would be nothing like to the people of wales??? LIKE WHO WROTE THIS THEY WERE DOING CRACK WHILE WRITING THIS EPISODE and i felt NOTHING during the lilibet and david goodbye WHACK EPISODE TERRIBLE JUST BAD TERRIBLE

309 Imbroglio - 5/10 episode started off good but then just went a lil too crazy by making it seem like a whole secret spy mission going behind lilibet’s back

310 Cri de Cour - 4/10 bad just bad HBC GOOD ACTRESS AMAZING ACTRESS given bad material like NONE OF THIS FEELS CONNECTED THIS STORY IS ALL RANDOM AND WE HAD A WHOLE EPISODE ABOUT MARGARET AND TONY AND WE DON’T EVEN MENTION ANY OF THE CRAZY STUFF FROM THE LAST SEASON BUT WE CONCENTRATE ON MARGARET BEING A SUGAR MAMA MAKES SENSE YALL

once again i hate season three

SEASON FOUR

401 Gold Stick- 8/10 written weirdly but had GOOD SCENES such as meeting thatcher and diana! BUT THE SCENE STEALER WAS OBVIOUSLY MOUNTBATTEN’S DEATH AND PHILIP TELLING CHARLES THAT HE BECAME DICKIE’S SON INSTEAD OF HIM SAD STUFF so like the death was sad and dramatic and I FELT BAD but like i shouldn’t bc im south asian and mountbatten did bad stuff to us BUT IT DOESN’T CHANGE THE RIPPLE WE FELT

402 The Balmoral Test - 9/10 funny episode but needed early seasons’ writing

403 Fairytale - 9/10 good episode but needed early seasons’ writing BUT ALSO THAT SCENE BETWEEN CAMILA AND DIANA MWAH CHEF’S KISS THEY BOTH DESERVE ALL THE AWARDS but needed early seasons’ writing

404 Favourites - 7/10 this episode is good but frustrating bc u finally realize how terrible of a mother lilibet is BUT THE ANDREW STUFF WAS GOOD I AM GLAD THEY PUT THAT IN! i liked seeing thatcher’s non-existent relationship w her daughter NEEDED EARLY SEASONS’ WRITING

405 Fagan - 10/10 GOOD EPISODE I LIKE HOW WE WERE EMERSED IN FAGAN’S LIFE AND I LOVE THE ACTOR FOR FAGAN TOO AND I LIKE HOW IT WAS CONNECTED TO THATCHER AND FUELED THE OVERARCHING PLOT OF THE STORY!

406 Terra Nullius - 100/10 GOOD EPISODE CLOSEST TO EARLY SEASONS WRITING THAT’S WHAT MADE IT GOOD seeing them not get along and then get along and then not get along again through a series of montages made the episode brilliant!

407 The Hereditary Principle - 6/10 this episode. how do i explain? the material for this episode was absolutely perfect for the writers of the early seasons! POOR EXECUTION

408 48:1 - 100/10 i like the political episodes more than the family episodes SO THIS EPISODE IS SO BRILLIANT BC OF THE BACK AND FORTH AND I GOT TO SEE CLAIRE!!

409 Avalanche - 7/10 early season writers would have shown the arguing before the avalanche and diana’s reaction JUST SAYING

410 War - 9/10 THIS EPISODE HAD THE YELLING AT EACH OTHER SCENE THAT WAS SO GOOD BUT ANYWAYS THE PROBLEM W THIS EPISODE WAS THAT IT DRAGGED I FEEL LIKE THIS EPISODE AND THE ONE BEFORE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ONE EPISODE TOGETHER

ALAS, what i would like to say is that i feel that season 4 shouldn’t have been so diana centric! it was diana from the beginning of the season to the end! not, that i don’t love the whole diana story but it was dragged and i think she should have been introduced around the third/fourth episode of this season the same way tony was in season two! camilla should have arrived at the beginning of season 4 so that the intensity between camilla, charles and diana was more believable! if we season three wasn’t so spread out they could have had more brilliant episode.

OK HAHA I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS VERY LONG RANT ABOUT THE CROWN PLZ FORGIVE ME! AND IF U READ ALL THIS WOW! IDK WHAT TO SAY I THINK I TALK TOO MUCH HONESTLY :( anyways thank you for talking to me :)

[nico-idc]

random vent because i'm numb rn and feel like it

This is a vent post, ill probably talk about su!cide, self h*rm, eating disorders and depression. I’ll also cuss a lot, and things will not be censored. Also, this may seem insensitive to people experiencing any of this, sorry about that.  Dont read this if youre triggered by that.

Also, this is my experience with mental health. Everyone deals with it differently. 

So, If anyone doesnt know, I have depression and anxiety. And right now, I’m feeling numb as it’s often described by people with depression. But, numb isn’t a very good description. I can still feel. I’ll still smile if you tell me a joke, or if something funny is on a video. I’ll still cry if there’s something super sad. Emotion is just watered down. I feel it, but not as much as I should. Me and my boyfriend were talking, and i couldnt tell him I loved him. It’s not becuase I dont love him, but I just cant feel much of anything, so I dont want to tell him I loved him. Becuase If i did that, I felt as though I was lying. The funniest thing is, I randomly started crying. Still felt nothing, but hey, I had tears streaming down my face. Who fucking knows why. 

I havent been doing to great for a while now, but this is the worst i’ve ever gotten. Ive never felt numb before. I mean, I’ve felt myself starting to go through the motions, but i’ve never gone completely numb before. And before this i’ve had a few mental breakdowns. Hell, I’ve sat in a corner twice in the past month or so doing nothing but sobbing and begging myself not to move so I dont grab something sharp and cut myself. (I did not relapse, don’t worry). and recently I completely broke down over simply eating a cereal bar, got through it, ate it. I’m good now. 

Figures. That does seem to be my experience. Oh no, big bad issue one time, then magically I just talk myself out of my bullshit, and im fixed. Ha ha, yet I act like I have all these issues. I mean, I didnt even attempt to starve myself, just thought “oh, friends and family wont let me” and didnt. Had a breakdown about a year later, been fine since. Cut for a few months, went to therapy for a few months, stopped cutting. had a few breakdowns about a year or two later, then was fine. was suicidal for a while, went to therapy for a bit, was happy for months. Had breakdowns every now and then, fine now.

ha ha, first time I say alot of this is online. Figures. I’ve done that a lot too. My boyfriend has found out a bit about my depression through this site. Becuase I cant talk to my boyfriend about my shit, but hey random people on the internet! hear about my problems.

So on another note, I recently found a song that describes part of depression pretty well. It’s called “i’m not dead” by boyinaband. it’s linked below, I’ll copy paste the lyrics, and explain how I relate, and what the lyrics mean to me, becuase why not? (lyrics will be in bold)

I'm not dead

I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet

Basically, this means that im still here, im still depressed, but I’m still trying to fight depression. 

I'm sick of saying that I still don't have anything done

I hate telling friends I'm trying something just to give it up

I never commit to anything, I just say I’ll do something, then decide I dont want to.

I'm still unsure of my emotional state

I'm still incapable of focusing lately

I don't feel like creating

I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation

I’ve been on break from writing for months now. tried to get back to it, lost concentration. I think this is self explanatory. 

I don't think I've ever made

Something that's as good as I'm capable of

Ha, I dont put in enough effort and commitment to make something as good as possible.

I hate not having a reason to look my best

I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet

I mean, I dont try to show the internet, but I only take care of myself when other people will see me.

If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then

I am so so glad that I hated myself

The only thing that makes me do things is extreme stress.

I didn't luck into this position

I struggle with decisions

I mean, im not in any high position, but I do struggle with decisions. 

I wouldn't be my own friend

I'm too inconsistent

I’m inconsistent as hell. I’m in like 10 group chats, don't talk in any of them for months, then just show up like “hi, havent talked to you all in ages, but hi”. 

Without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished

If these words make it to your ears it'll be a fucking miracle.

Yep. I went on  whole rant about this on wattpad. Without pressure to do something, I don’t do it.

I'm fortunate to know more good people than most do

I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to

I dont personally have a lot of friends that dont live in my city, so the last line isnt an issue, but I do know a lot of good people”

I'm pretty good at like 20 different skill sets

At the expense of never being great at any one of them

I’m good at quite a few things. Drawing, math, even writing. But im not great at it. I’m average.

I wish this beat hit harder

I wish more syllables rhymed

I know 99 percent of people really don't mind

I dont personally relate to this, seeing as I dont make music.

I think collaborating forced me to finish things

'Cause I was terrified of wasting famous people's time

Oh yeah. Group projects would not get done if i wasnt scared of wasting my partner’s time.

I wish I could focus on what I define priority

I wish I was as grateful as I want to be

Dont really relate to these things

I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable

But if I did,

I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled

Oh yeah. Id love to have a friend who isnt depressed, but I wouldnt let them see that im fucked up becuase i dont wanna drag them down.

I feel alone

I know I'm not

I have a lot of friends, but I still fell alone in this world

I used to talk to lots of people.

Lately I've stopped

They didn't deserve it,

I've been a terrible friend.

But I couldn't bear to let myself become boring to them

I ignore group chats all the time. no reason. Probably shouldnt. 

I don't let myself get my hopes up.

I love people who do.

Something good happens? what could go wrong? that is my thought precess.

I never know if what I say I feel is the truth

I have no damn Idea what I think, so its so hard to know what the truth in my head is.

I wish I didn't instinctively try to be less specific

So more people could relate, when they read along with the lyrics.

Not lyrics, but if i write/explain something, I immediately generalize things so its relateable.

I can be happy in the moment

I am not when I reflect

I smile watching youtube, but then I look back and think about how I wasted time.

I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better

I hate it

Youtube will cure depression right? /s

I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt

But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first

This is just an important phrase I try to remember when I’m down. for people who dont do well with metaphors, he’s saying that if you want to help people, you need to help yourself first. 

I can't predict what I'll do.

I can never be sure

I am terrified of making promises any more

I can't face my work,

I feel sick from the word

I genuinely believe I'm capable of changing the world

Don’t relate much here, except for the more positive, upbeat tone the song takes on, and i feel that this part, the part above and everything below is dave fighting his depression.

I still think I can get better

I’m holding onto hope.

I still think I can create and get pleasure from it

I hope so, I want my art and writing to improve.

I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree

The eternal stuggle. I always try to get the two to line up, it rarely works. I try to use logic more often though.

And become the best version of me

Always trying to improve myself.

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

There’s alot this could mean. I dont want to stop creating. I dont want to stop fighting. I dont want to stop getting better. I dont want to stop living. I relate to all these things.

I’ll expand on this more later, it’s too late now for me to continue this

[tartagliaxx]

hey lei!! how are you? :3 right now i'm procrastinating taking a break from my work i wish i could be playing the new event i only did day 1 and i still feel like i didn't finish it?? are the seashells the one with voicelines all there? i have so little it makes me feel like i missed something also did you see kaeya in jean's office :0? i can't believe hes there,,,,,n we can just talk to him,,,i feel kinda bad cause he looks like he's pouting from the amount of work he has to do

aside from that though who did you place in your teapot 👁👁? i love the whole companionship thing,,,the lines,,,,,i think it gave me childe brainrot he's always been in my top three but i've been liking him more these days i don't know how to feel about it maybe i'll change my theme to him or maybe i'll build him a jail in the teapot i should be doing work but i can't stop thinking about how he looks like the cute reddish brown dog you can have or how soft his hair would be

i've also been meaning to say that i don't really like the nickname bubba i hope that doesn't come across as rude or make you feel bad i honesty like the nicknames you give me i think their sweet n you can keep calling me them ^^ its just that specific one the reasoning is behind it kinda silly but the word sounds like the name of a fat toad living in a forest fgwjfjkjfofjek- 🍰

as far as i know, there are only 5 seashells available in day 1. not sure about day 2 though. i’ve been doing well, just finishing the event and grinding in my alt for primos. and gASP kaeya’s in there???? i’ll deffo check it out later cuz,, yknow...

uhhh i actually placed just placed the characters i havent maxed out yet. i’m enroute to unlocking my third house and i’m planning on building me harem there 😌 also i placed kaeya and diluc together in the library sort of thing and they look so nice!! it’s like they’re just bonding over books and i— also ironically, i’ve been deep in kaeya hell hole since the companion move in thing happened. he’s just so ugh,, please i’m weak for men who flirt with me and is open to listen to my rambling 😭 i want him to stop bc i am swerving. now, dont get me wrong. childe is still my og baby and albedo’s up there too. im just,, distracted.

AKSBHSJABSJAJAJA FAT TOAD LIVING IN A FOREST I CANT— please that sent me ahahahah dw it’s valid and i appreciate the honesty. tbh, i dont really think abt what i’m saying most of the time but when i use ‘bubba’ which i dont rlly use often irl either, i think of the sweet pearls in bubble tea and its kind of a guilty pleasure for me. anw i digress. do you have any preferences? i’ll keep it in mind for next time. sunshine? angel? my love? darling~?