#also i really gotta watch pads 2 i havent for ages

[bonernas]

local bean discovers lack of braincells

new icon courtesy of the most exc-elle-nt @bonernas (yes i just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to finally use this godawful pun), who really managed to combine the two lights of my life in the most fun and wholesome way possible <3000

[tumblunni]

AAAAARGH I DIE

god, TMI time of the month post again fuck whoever built this nonfunctioning uterus that i never asked for like seriously doctors i’m fuckin trans and i’m not interested in having kids and IT DOESNT WORK AND IT KILLS ME why cant i get it surgery’d out...

okay so this period is EVEN WORSE than usual aaa cos its been like a year since i last failed to predict it its still painful but i can deal with the pain if i start taking my medicine immediately once i start spotting blood, before the pain starts but for the first time in ages i overslept and woke up already in Stage 2 Horror Time with blood all over my damn pants and the Pain Knives in my spinal cord and like GOD seriously i’m so mad cos i’ve been able to manage it for so long even WITH all my fail uterus’s inconsistancies! like sometimes it starts hurting before i even start bleeding, and its never the same amount of days in between cycles. I’ve been going on the 13th for a few months, then the 7th last month, now the 10th?? And this is after like TWO YEARS of having it on the 11th or 12th consistantly, so it always landed on my birthday. I had my first non crampy birthday in ages this october!

gahhhh and just seriously FUCK its so bad i get pain not just in my uterus area but also my digestive system and legs somehow?? like the bottom of my spine gets cramps and then i lose all feeling in my legs and literally cant even walk to the bathroom anymore its like that ‘periods are a mild labour’ factoid but remove the ‘mild’ and i get this symptom more than ANYTHING ELSE! the hip and back pain and the downward pain direction thing is the biggest pain of all the many pains, gahhh its its so embarassing and gross and hard to talk about cos it means Really Bad Connected Symptoms my digestion goes NUTS for a day! i don’t just gush blood but also get super nauseous and like... ‘hey lets evacuate everything you’ve ever eaten for the last two years somehow, and also 50% of your stomach acid’. Only consolation is that its usually more diarhohea than puking, but thats not much of a consolation cos its so much harder to talk about Shit Problems with your doctor, lol. Also makes the back pain even worrrrrrse! And i cant even tell when I’m about to have a diahrhea attack or when its just regular womb pain cos it covers my ENTIRE LOWER BODY SOMEHOW, like a DOUCHE

and just fuck AAAGH the worst part of waking up with the period already started is that it takes like two hours for medicine to get digested and start working, when this thing literally gives me digestion problems. I swear the pills digest way faster if i take them beforehand! so no matter what i’ve gotta sit and endure the screaming pain for that long. like its really so severe it seems like i’ve been stabbed in my spine! but i can’t even take the knife out, there’s no damn way to relieve this pain! like i’m only even able to vent this text post after almost the two hours is up, and its still really hurting so i guess its gonna take even longer today. or i should take extra pills to get over the bigger pain than usual? i even got the caffeine plus pills thatre supposed to digest faster! (plus the general lack of energy from screaming back death, i think i’ll be able to not have the no legs working bit this time)

and just GOD i havent had this so bad since high school when i was still living with my abusive dad and he ‘didnt believe in doctors’ and was like ‘every woman deals with this and they don’t complain’ but like THEY HAVE FUCKING MEDICINE, DAD imagine a very VERY young child dealing with 24 hour full-on false labour symptoms once a damn month, and how suicidal it’d make them feel! my dad would literally walk in on me screaming in a pile of my own puke in a cinema bathroom and just yell at me for ‘causing a scene’, like i somehow was able to fake this?? and why would i even want to?? ‘yeah sure wow i definately showed him, i made myself unable to watch the movie I wanted to see’ Somehow EVERYTHING I did was a conspiracy to make him lose money, in his eyes! Every symptom of me being developmentally challenged was just me faking, and even when i had a non-mental illness with clear proof right in front of him it was still fake. But oh, HE was able to be sick sometimes, yeah! and he got to go to the chiropractor for his back issues but NOOOOO they can’t be genetic and potentially act up on someone who has a lower body related thing that happens every month... fuck I was so happy when i finally managed to get to the doctor and they gave me birth control pills! even if i had to take them every day throughout the entire month and i had to fight against my dad telling me to not take my legally prescribed drugs and instead replace them with his horrible herbal remedies that made me puke and didnt work. I had to lie and pretend i was taking them, flushing one down the toilet everyday! and OH FUCK man i wish i could still take birth control tho. that was way better cos it actually stopped the period entirely, not just making it hurt less. like seriously ive just started my period and i put a pad on for like TWENTY MINUTES and it was soaked through! aspirin and ibuprofen and etc dont stop the excessively heavy bloodbath. But like apparantly the birth control i was on was bad for people over a certain weight threshhold, so when i left my dad and was able to see better doctors more often they changed me to a different one. And also diagnosed my depression and autism and thankfully finally got me some help for that! But then recently when i moved to this new house the pharmacy wasnt able to get a supply of that medicine cos its too far out in the middle of nowhere in a terrible neighbourhood. And i say ‘recently’ but i mean ‘three years ago’. So i’ve just been taking really big amounts of over the counter pain meds and probably wasting over a hundred bucks per year, yikes..

and AAAARGH it still fuckin hurts and its been like three hours now and i think its starting to hurt worse so the meds are wearing off i need to go take the next two and try and keep down a glass of water and a slice of bread without puking GahhHHHHHHHHHHhhh fuck