#also i put too much raspberry preserve on this :/

[littlechibs]

anxiety has been bothering me on and off all day but i am eating a sb&j sandwhich, watching vinny play metroid prime, and drinking a small bowl of milk

[kanene-yaaay]

The Collection (First Chapter)

1. Escape

Kanene's notes: I USED TO PRAY!!!!! I USED TO PRAY FOR TIMES LIKE THIS. Finally after so much time and struggling and writing and screaming this is done!! Watch me fall dead on the floor okijuytrfgthjkjh. This is the longest chapter from the all to start with a golden star! I really hope you all like this, it's a personal project of mine that I am very happy to complete

Kanene's warnings: Light Angst, nostalgia, tooth-rooting fluff, mouth tickles (raspberries and nibbles) and tickles between family, all sfw ofc! Around 10.000 words. Ler!Lan Xichen and Lee!Wangji + Jingyi + Shizui

[~*~]

Lan Xichen is a collector of treasures.

He doesn’t remember when it started or for which reason. Perhaps the idea had been a fruit of seeing his shufu dutifully making copies of his most treasured scrolls and aligning them with care in his room. Maybe who set his heart on it had been his own mother, who learned to preserve her favorite flowers from their monthly bouquet and keep them guarded in between the pages of her favorite poetry books, always smiling and never complained when he and A-Zhan asked her to see them again and again. Perhaps it was one of the elders who teached him that precious things must be guarded safe and close, maybe it was a lesson he got from a book… In the end, none of this truly mattered.

His collection had little to do with pages or books. It was not something he could proudly show someone or be afraid of getting too large and running out of space. However, it was full of riches much rarer than the most expensive fabric or the purest gold, each one of them was unique and special in a way that could never be shown or gathered again. They were small enough to be carried with him all the time, always close to his heart and he would (or could) never think about selling or giving not even one away. They had no physical attribute to be priced and no human in the world capable of seeing its complete value.

It’s nature, in his feelings, could be also a result of his values and sect, a part of being a Lan, of having something that you love so deeply ingrained thoroughly into every fiber of yourself until there's no point in trying to understand where it ends and you begin.

However, Lan Xichen does remember the very first item of his collection.

(...)

“And the fluffy bunny thanked the kind cultitrator-”

“Cultivator.”

“Cultivator.” He pronounced each syllable slowly, until it sounded more like the adult’s correction. Lan Quiren hummed lightly in agreement without opening his eyes, so he must have said it right. Lan Huan controlled his big, proud smile, the best he could (one must not be arrogant, for it spoils the soul and destroy the humanity) but it still escaped when Lan Zhan’s small hand tugged his robes impatiently, eyes dropping with sleep, and yet refusing to give up, being held awake only by his own stubbornness to listen to the end of the story. “The fluffy bunny thanked the kind cultivator with lots of bunny kisses, happy to have a new friend and finally get back to home again. With a juyuful jump-”

“Joyful.”

“With a joyful jump,” he sneaked a look at his Shufu, who hummed again, “she landed on the green grass, tasty and fresh, and hopped back to her family. The end.”

Lan Zhan watched him close the book, soft and content, finally giving up to his exhaustion, eyes closing slowly. Shufu, in contrast, opened his and turned to look at Lan Huan with a short nod, a hand coming to press on his back until it was set into a straighter posture. 

His gaze travelled and then stopped at the younger boy. “A-Zhan, wish a goodnight to your Xionzhang and Shufu. It’s time for you to sleep and for me to retire.”

Lan Huan had time to put the book back to the shelf where it belonged, back with his other books and scrolls for studies, and then come back to tuck his didi in as shufu prepared Lan Huan’s bed, until Lan Zhan eventually did what was asked. He waited until their eyes were on him, stared deeply at the adult and then just as long at his Xiongzhang and then hummed clearly, head falling back on his pillow, quickly falling into a deep leep.

“Good night, A-Zhan.” Both him and Lan Qiren answered in sync, the first with a smile and the second with a huff, watching the smallest with their own kind of fondness. 

His shufu cleaned his throat softly and Lan Huan climbed in his own bed, plans of sneaking in the middle of the night to his didi’s own momentarily forgotten with how much his mind was too occupied, brow furrowed in contemplation. Like this, he took off his forehead ribbon and carefully folded and placed it with his outer robes, next to his bed.

A gruffy, low voice pulled him back from his thoughts the same time it tucked him under a pair of thick blankets. The fall was getting closer.

“One must speak if there is a reason to do so and avoid letting fruitful thoughts fester.”

“Shufu…” His voice slow, hinted with a serious thoughtfulness that has been appearing more and more with the passage of the years.

Lan Qiren felt himself get even more straight, sharp eyes looking in his nephew’s face, hoping to find something that would help him get a glimpse of what was going into the boy’s mind. Lan Huan was growing faster each day and he knew that very soon he would start to make questions that Lan Qiren would either dread or not know the answer. He didn’t think it would be so soon.

“Can a human give bunny kisses?”

The adult almost sighed out loud in relief, then chided himself for his presumptions. It was yet too soon. Only then he registered his words.

“Where does your doubt come from?”

“The bunny said thank you to the cultivator, but didn’t receive anything back.” Lan Huan sounded worried. “They were happy together, but the human can’t live together with the bunny’s family…Couldn’t then the cultivator give her a bunny kiss too? Before she went away forever?”

“She received her entire family back, so she showed gratitude, the bunny kiss was already the result of a gift, not the beginning of one. Besides, one must not assume too much, perhaps they can continued visiting each other.” He answered, a hand holding his beard, which soon was forming into a nice goatee, maybe Qiren could let it grow, see how it would turn out. “As for your question, I think a human can give someone a kiss akin to the bunny in the story, holding the same purpose, even if different in their nature.”

“How?” 

“You rub the tip of your nose softly on the person.” He carried himself stiffly, his words quick and cutting. For a moment the quiet prevailed and the adult let the boy think about his words.

It was a calm night, soon enough the wind would get strong enough and sweeping the old leaves of their streets would become a new punishment and chore. Another winter would come and then would go again. Lan Huan would start his music lessons soon and begin to learn etiquettes and greetings necessary for conferences, presentations and the rest of his future. He already didn’t need his strict uncle to read his favorite story before bed anymore or hold his hand tightly before departing to his morning classes. He learned how to tie his own forehead ribbon and how to control his thoughts to be shared after meals, and talked more and more excitedly for the day he would receive his courtesy name. 

Lan Zhan too, as every good younger brother did (as Lan Qiren once did in a forgotten past, as well), started following Huan’s every step, eager with hawk eyes watching in awe his older brother’s every move, every word, his every right and wrong, mirroring it with all the skill could. He waved away Qiren’s help in dressing himself and ran to Huan to ask for his nightly stories. They no longer went searching for him during his nightmares nor cried for him when they were hungry or fuzzy, too tired to comprehend their own feelings.

And yet, Lan Zhan still held his robes and trailed after him for hours, pouty and determinately protective, everytime after Qiren came back from a long conference. Lan Huan continued to look at him for guidance with such bright, curious eyes after watching him spar and flooding him with questions, never afraid of being admonished for how long or simple they were.

They were growing into fine, young boys who would soon be fine, young mans. That was a good thing, Qiren thought. It was. 

In the end, he sighed and made his decision.

“Like this.” Lan Qiren lowered his head and lightly rubbed the tip of his nose on his nephew’s small (yet so, so small) forehead. Then he promptly straightened back and turned around, ignoring the delighted, soft gasp from the kid behind him as he walked away.

“Good night, A-Huan.”

And like this, it was born a tradition.

Right on the next day, Lan Huan got up and, seeing that Lan Zhan was awake too, immediately turned to him with an excited smile.

“Good morning, A-Zhan.” The younger one watched him with wonder in his eyes, clearly curious about what made his brother so bright so early. Lan Huan chuckled and wormed himself across the mattress until he could sit on its border, getting closer to the other. “I have a surprise for you. Do you want it?”

Lan Zhan turned to look at his empty hands with narrowing eyes, but his curiosity ended up winning, his head nodding as he stepped closer, confused and eager to know what he would get.

“It is a…” Huan gave it a pause to increase the antecipation, “a bunny kiss!”

His attempt to replicate the light nuzzle in his brother’s forehead was much more clumsy than his shufu, but as he quickly retreated to analyze his didi’s reaction (he was still learning when touch was and wasn’t welcome for him), Lan Zhan’s eyes were wider than normal, mouth open and eyes staring at him in surprise before looking up, hands slowly coming to rest on his forehead, just around the place the ‘bunny kiss’ was laid, being careful to not touch it. 

That was a good sign. The older brother beamed.

“I learned from your story!” Lan Huan got up and started to dress for the day, carefully tying his forehead ribbon before putting on the layers of his robes. Breakfast would begin soon and shufu would come to collect them not much long before. “Did you like it?”

“...Not a bunny.”

Lan Huan couldn’t really refute this, as it was true and lying was prohibited in Cloud Recess, so he simply hummed in agreement and continued his morning routine, just like he has been taught. 

Soon, there was a small hand tugging at his wrist and pulling his attention. As Huan whirled around, his didi smacked his face on his palm, turning from one side to another in an even more clumsy bunny kiss. Lan Huan felt like bouncing, body almost trembling with the effort of keeping his control. 

Lan Zhan looked at him and then, with a very satisfied air, went back to prepare himself.

Ever since then, Bunny Kisses became something to expect on their daily routine, except for their shufu, who who only fell to the tradition once or twice, always in quick bolts that would disappear as soon as they came to be never mentioned again. However, between the two kids it was their new way to say Goodmorning and Goodnight, a Thank-You for when Lan Zhan kept him company during his long afternoons of studies and a See-You-Soon for when they had to head different classes during the morning.

It was only natural, then, that soon Lan Huan’s mind, bright and curious in the peak of childhood, discovered how such a soft form of affection could be used for much more playful mischievousness than it was firstly intended. 

(...)

Lan Huan carefully set his brush down, mindful to not let any drop of ink fall on his table or calligraphy exercise, for the danger of having to write all of it again. With a quiet sigh of relief he looked at his didi, too concentrated in his little pile game to notice that Huan had already finished over and therefore they were free to go out to shufu. The tip of his fingers had a few light smudges of black from when he continued to grind the ink for Lan Huan even before the older could stop him and Huan couldn’t stop the happiness that filled his chest at that, watching as the little boy continued with determination at his task.

An idea rose in his mind.

Perhaps it was a result of how much time they spend sitting down, slowly falling into boredom or that Lan Zhan seemed extra clingy after his classes, but suddenly… suddenly Lan Huan wanted something.

There was a playfulness growing in him, something that looked at his didi and celebrated that he was so oblivious to his intentions. It was the perfect opportunity, just what he needed to attack.

Huh.

He blinked. 

In the next second, he was lunging, his arms full of his younger brother who barely had time to look at him in surprise before Huan was shoving his face on his neck, nuzzling it with energy until a squeak rang across the room, quickly being followed by quick, low snickers that made his shoulders bounce and him to try to hide the sensitive spot from the sudden onslaught of affection.

“Bunny Kisses!” He resurfaced again, gold bright eyes that looked exactly like his staring right back at him. Lan Zhan shook his head, still snickering and scrunching up his neck, phantom tickles dancing on his tingling skin and pulling a tiny smile from his closed lips.

“No?” Lan Huan shook his head together with him, his entire expression still twirling in mischievousness. The corner of his eyes crinkled with his smile “No Bunny Kisses? But you love them so much, right?”

His didi, his lovely, poor little didi, immediately nodded to answer his question and the flashing grin he received was the only hint he had before Lan Huan’s nuzzles descended to his belly, tiny raspberries being placed a couple and more of times until his quiet snickers grew to low, hysterical giggles, chubby hands pushing his head away as the younger squeaked and tittered at each new nuzzle, laughter growing a tad louder when the tickly affection got too close of his sides and bellybutton and then went back to unstoppable chuckling as his brother deviated and tickled from those highly ticklish spots to focus on the rest of his stomach a little more.

“No bunny kisses.” Even with each one of his syllables being caught in tons and tons of giggles, Lan Zhan concentrated on his interjection. “Tickles!”

Lan Huan gasped softly in an exaggerated surprise.

“Oh no, A-Zhan, am I tickling you?” He turned just enough to be able to see the younger one nod fervently. “I must correct this immediately, then!”

Purposefully, he shoved his face fully on his side. Lan Zhan gasped and started to wiggle from one side to another non stop, unable to escape the clutches of the tickle monster. The more the nuzzles attacked and teased the spot, the more squeals and small yelps escaped from his mouth, huffs and puffs of laughter filling the previous too quiet room. He shook his head fervently. 

“It tickles here too?” Lan Zhan nodded, again, and Huan began to rest tiny raspberries here and there, his laughter grew stronger. “What if I do this? Does it tickles less, didi?”

At Lan Zhan’s shaking head and squeaky chuckles, Lan Huan pulled one arm upwards without any resistance, starting to poke and rub his nose on his armpits, voice light and playful as he asked once more. “What about here? Does it tickle too, A-Zhan? Maybe I can try here, then?” Jumping now to his ribs, Lan Huan snickered when a louder squeal flew the air at this and hiccups began painting the younger’s quiet squeaking laughter. “Ah! Not here as well? Didi, you’re really ticklish all over.”

“Then… here.” Finally, Lan Huan gave up his tickle attack and placed the bunny kiss on his forehead, light and soft until the squirming and giggling slowed down a bit.

Lan Zhan felt his own happy giggles slowly dying as well until he felt a small smile and bright eyes staring, lingering in his face in a pout from the playful offense. When he looked, Lan Zhan’s face had gone back to his usual expression, but now much more relaxed and happy. The young brother Lan Zhan sighed deeply, as if burdened by a great duty, he then stared seriously into his older brother’s eyes.

“Xiongzhang is very bad at bunny kisses.”

This time, it was Lan Huan who couldn’t stop his laughter.

So, it started like this, and Lan Xichen began collecting smiles, laughter, light, and happiness. His collection only grew bigger as the time passed, in those moments when his little brother's eyes softened on the corners and he looked at him expectantly, with an attentive, excited attention, when his mother gathered his face in her warm hands and he made a silly face that never failed to pull a smile from her, when he his family continued to expand, full of opportunities and moments that only made Lan Xichen richer and richer.

(...)

They made it to the end, to everyone’s relief, and Lan Xichen thanked how the rules of his sect taught him how to move quick and quiet without resorting to an actual running, ill-mannered pace to escape. The Lans made their way to their rooms swiftly before any other Sect Leader could pull them away to joy idle conversation.  

It was clear in the tilt of his head and the vague sense of his eyes that Lan Zhan was beyond bored, wanting nothing more than for this to be over and them to go home. After listening to Sect Leader Yao complain about the tariffs for almost one entire shichen, Lan Huan could relate. He was sure their Shufu felt like that too, since that small tick in his left eye appeared in the middle of the ranting and hasn't gone away ever since, a clear signal of the adult reaching stress levels that could possibly equal to a qi deviation, besides when Sect Leader Yao’s long winded vent was over, with fingers being pointed to half of the other sects and no solution being proposed, Lan Qiren’s words came hot, scolding and educated in a way that only years of practice would result. The Ouyangs quickly ended the conference after it.

“I will retire to my room to meditate.” Lan Qiren huffed and nodded as Lan Huan and Lan Zhan gave him twin bows, equal in sentiment and execution, making something light appear in his eyes as a response. “Wangji. Xichen. I will see you at breakfast.”

“Mn.” His brother agreed at the same time he said. “Yes, shufu.”

He looked at his little brother and realized he was not going to be the one to ask, so when nothing more was pointed out, Xichen added. “May we attend to your morning meditations together?”

Lan Qiren caressed his goatee, a pleased air momentarily appearing in his face. “They said the blossoms came in earlier this year, creating a calm scenery to clear the mind and balance the spirit. Very well. I will collect you not long before sunrise.”

“We will be ready.” It would be good to change their usual place and enjoy the beauty of the sect they were in. If it was far enough away they could even press their uncle to join them for a few songs in the spirit of “practice” before heading to another exhausting conference. Xichen was plenty aware of how hard it was to deny them when he and Wangji combined his forces.

As the older changed directions and went to his personal quarters, the brothers kept calmly following their way. When the scenery no longer caught his attention, Lan Xichen turned his gaze to the younger, watching his expression vague and unseeing at his surroundings. Wangji was still bored and distracted.

Lan Xichen, after years and years of practice and patience, immediately recognized the quite mischievous feeling that appeared in his soul as his mind processed what a perfect opportunity this was.

There was barely a movement of white and suddenly Lan Wangji froze in his careful, unbothered march, lips pressed in a tight line as his arms unfolded from their position from behind his back to clue on his sides protectively. The feeling of a silly urge to smile bubbled, just as his attention immediately turned to his older brother.

Lan Xichen, of course, controlled his urge to snicker. 

“Is something the matter, Wangjii?”

Ah. He wasn’t as subtle as he expected. Golden, equally accusing and accessing eyes burned on his form as if they could read the plan in his mind. Xichen let a serenate air take over his expression, even though it was a futile attempt of distraction. There was nothing he could do. As much as he knew each expression and quirks of Wangji, the same could be said about his own expressions and his brother, who could read the playfulness in the light of his eyes with ease from lis away, and so took a petulant step away, muscles tensing.

Their gazes found each other. Thankfully, they were already close enough to their quarters that no other wandering disciple would think about appearing to bother them and their dinner had been long delivered at their rooms. Even if there was an emergency they would go first to Shufu. Therefore, there was no hurry at all, to catch some unexpected smiles and giggles today while chasing the exhaustion away.

Lan Xichen chuckled and calmly turned to continue their way, one arm crossed on his back and the other gesturing to the empty corridor. “Let’s go to our room. I am quite tired from the evening.”

Lan Wangji waited for him to go forward and then marched to his pace, right by his side, straying away when the older brother tried to get closer and matching his stride step by step, gaze unrelenting, watching him with the tail of his eyes. 

No words, protesting or accusing, were spared and anticipation was quick to twirl in the air around them.

They stopped in front of the door. Stared at it.

Wangji kept his expression carefully blank. Lan Xichen continued to smile, tranquil.

“Wangji, please?” He motioned for the door.

“Xiongzhang.” Lan Zhan nodded.

None of them moved, not wanting to give up their equal ground to a more vulnerable position. 

Maybe the conference really took a toll on his brother, because he partially caved, an annoyed huff leaving him as he turned the slightly bit away from him, angling his body just enough to open the door and keep him in his field vision in the case of a sudden attack. Unfortunately for him, Lan Xichen was still more practiced and quicker.

In no time at all, a wiggly finger rested on his ribs, sneaking a few tickles there before he dodged.

“Xiongzhang!” There was a gasp and a tune in his voice, a hint of titters. His eyes were attentive and bright, now, which only encouraged Xichen to sneak a few more tickle attacks, another wiggly finger poking  his armpit, a quick pinch on his sides, a bit of prodding on his spine when he kept turning away. They continued to twirl, jumping close and pushing away in a playful game of cat and mouse.

“I am sorry, A-Zhan, am I tickling you?”

Lan Wangji bit back a squeak and a wobbly smile, as too many memories flooded his mind. He was no longer a tiny, innocent and giggly kid to fall so easily to his older brother’s antics. Still, there was a hint of flustered red taking over the tip of his ears.“Lying is prohibited. One must not deceive with his words. One must not fight with the family, for there is no winner. One must not stray from the righteous path!”

There was no helping the joyful laughter escaping from Lan Xichen as they continued their chase, the thought of him walking away from the righteousness because he decided to tickle his younger brother by surprise was too hilarious for him. 

“One must show his true appreciation to his family and friends, to care and intervene when they’re needed. One must honor their elder’s gifts, their experience and wiseness. One must be just and kind, and only then will they be following the right path.” He countered.

“Not tickling.” Wangji highlighted and huffed, annoyed. In a sudden more he opened the door, fast to get into the room and close it, however, too slow to do it before Lan Xichen took the opportunity to burrow his fingers for a few kes on his neck, using the distraction to worm his way inside his room, too. 

“There are no rules saying they don't apply to tickling.”

“Xiongzhang is being purposefully obtuse.”

“Has Wangji grown too old for his brother’s affection? Does he no longer accept my bunny kisses, no long care for his Huan-ge?” Lan Xichen teased, letting his hands fall and looking away with a sad, disheartened face. “Poor is my heart.”

(He calmed too the piece of his soul that ached a bit too truthfully at his words.)

“Xiongzhang.” His ears were completely red now, which was completely endearing. Lan Zhan must have understood him a bit too well, as always, and gave a single step closer, in a suspicious support. “No tickles.” He emphasised.

Lan Xichen sniffed, looking at him with bright, big eyes, Lan Zhan looked back unmoved. “What about Bunny Kisses?”

Oh, they could get even redder. 

“No tickles.” Wangji repeated firmly while taking another step closer. 

Xichen sighed in defeat, and in the next second pounced. Wangji jumped out of the way with a wordless surprised sound. He would become a wonderful cultivator, with reflexes so quick as to catch up with him even with years of differentiation between them.

Still, they would yet have a few years before that. Xichen ranked his fingers up and down Wangji’s ribs, making him stumble out his grasp with a quick huff of laughter, arms hugging himself over the lasting buzzing tingles. He didn’t have a lot of time to recollect himself before the other was attacking again. This time, when Xichen managed to poke and scribble at Wangji’s bellybutton, he pried a quick, muffled snort before the other jumped away. 

Simple like that, they resumed their previous chase across the room, robes floating and dancing in the air as they jumped from one wall to another, going over the furniture and dodging all of their sparse decorations with ease, which definitely wasn’t an activity his shufu would ever approve, but it was very effective to exercise their precision and grace during fast movements.

Just as Wangji was jumping over their bed, preparing to propel himself on the nearest wall and get away, Xichen had the opportunity to catch him, one hand barely had time to secure a firm grip around his ankle before Xichen was pulling him down on the mattress, quickly latching his other hand on his calf and squeezing.

A high squeak floated across the space and Wangji immediately melted on the spot, his kicks completely uncoordinated as he tried to turn his every ounce of control into controlling his laughter. Lan Xichen, as he always did when he saw his younger brother stopping being so serious and having a little of fun, was endeared.

“We’re not in Cloud Recesses, Wangji-di.” Since he already decided to choose violence as a form of caring, Xichen began squeezing the calf non stop, walking up and up until he got to his knees, sparing plenty of light, maddening scribbles on the ticklish skin until it created a quick wave of airy titters before going downwards to his calves again, laughter morphing in deeper guffaws that only grew quicker and lower the more he tormented the muscle, kneading and tasering non stop. “You can laugh as much and as loud as you want.”

Wangji just shook his head, if it was a protest against the tickling or an affirmation that he was not discarding the rules outside his home it was unclear. Obviously, that was not helped by the way Xichen decided to tease his ankles, leaving tiny scratches around the bone and spidering his fingers all around them, collecting more and more squeaks and huffs of laughter by doing so, following those the sensitive spot no matter how much Lan Zhan tried to twist his legs this way or that, more softer giggles dancing on the air with his efforts.

Once more, Xichen decided moving upwards, scribbling and wiggling around his ankles, drumming on his calves, passing with plenty of scribbles and pokes on the underside of his knee until his dancing fingers fingers managed to scratch at that spot between his knee and thigh, which pried an louder flow of snickers, hand slowly creeping to the back of his thighs. He barely clawed the stop and suddenly Wangji was turning around, hands holding his wrists while a big, closed-lipped smile, eyes bright and ears red, stared back at him.

“Xiongzhang.” He admonished, still giggling a bit around his words, probably because that spot of his was a fisher of loud, shrieking laughter. 

Xichen showed him a tiny apologetic smile of his own, expression bright and happy. Wangji softened, still carrying a hint of a pout, and it was a proof of Xichen’s self control to not snicker out loud. It only resulted in another suspicious stare. Once more Wangji had been perfect in reading him. “Stop playing around.”

“I apologize, Wangji.” His tune was still light and playful and, truly, he couldn’t help sneaking a last tease. Poking a little of fun at his younger brother has been one of his delights for a long time now. “But aren’t you glad to no longer be burdened by boredom? There’s a new, more vivid air in you, now, don’t you think?”

Lan Wangji simply huffed and let his hands go, heading to their table without even a glance at his direction, petulantly ignoring him. 

When they finally began sharing their dinner, Lan Xichen noticed the more relaxed pose Wangji carried, a a slight twitch of his lips from time to time (especially when Xichen kept reaching to grab bowls and food next to him, which wasn’t actually any kind of teasing) and a happier, brighter kind of light in his eyes. 

They really knew each other too well, when Wangji’s eyes found his Xichen grinned, the other immediately turned around with another flustered huff.

He had fun, Xichen was glad.

His plan had really worked.

(....)

Lan Xichen smiled warmly, steps silent as he approached the two kids who were too distracted whispering among themselves to notice their new observant. He beamed when he found Jin Guangyao’s, watching the kids from a bench under a colorful gazebo, bouncing a shrieking little A-Ling on his leg. Xichen put a finger in his lips and A-Yao turned back to pay attention to his nephew, pretending to not see the other stop right behind Jingyi and Yuan, bending down quietly, being careful in not letting his shadow fall on them to not be noticed.

“We just need to revise our plan.” Jingyi whispered (which, to him, was a slightly more quiet shout. A-Yuan was watching him with an attentive gaze and he preened under the attention) and, with a stick, moved a few pebbles on the grass. “You stay here with Xichen-ge and while Liangfang-zun is distracted with Sandu Shengshou  I will grab Jin Ling and put him in our room! He can wear my extra robes and hide so no one can find him. I’ll be extra clear so I will not need to change my clothes, too. No one will notice him with so many Lans here.”

“But… won’t Jiang-Zongzhu get sad because we stole his nephew?” A-Yuan didn’t seem as confident in this plan as Jingyi. He looked at Jin Ling in the distance before turning back at his friend. “Won’t he be missing his jiujiu?”

“A-Yuan, he is going away today. If we let him, we won’t be able to play anymore! The adults will order us to wait for when the next Conference happens and it will take forever. And! He will have us, Xichen-ge and his shushu here with him so he won’t be feeling alone.”

Yet, his friend didn’t seem much convinced, Lan Yuan’s belly recoiled from the idea of taking the baby away from his family. If he was Jin Ling, he would be very sad with this plan. But he being Lan Yuan, he was also very sad to see the baby going away. 

His fingers fiddled with the hem of his robe before pressing it until it was free of wrinkles. When he looked up, his eyes were determined. “I think we should ask Xichen-ge to play more with him  He will help.”

“Xichen-ge and Liangfang-zun are really close friends, but Liangfang-zun and Sandu Shengshou are not.” Jingyi pointed and Lan Xichen felt surprised with how attentive the younger was. To keep the relationships between sects as peaceful as possible, very few, almost none, people knew that A-Yao and Jiang-shixiong, no, Sect Leader Jiang didn’t like each other, besides, both of them tried to keep appearances for Jin Ling. “I don’t think it will work if we ask.”

The two kids sagged, stuck in an impasse. A-Yuan poked one of the whitest pebbles, lost in thought. “How can I even distract Xichen-ge?”

Lan Jingyi opened his mouth, but the voice that answered his friend wasn’t his. “I might have an idea.”

The kids squealed and jumped in surprise, Xiao Jingyi turned to look at him with wide eyes and A-Yuan pressed his hands on his mouth, as if to take back the loud noise. Before he could get that guilty expression in his face, Lan Xichen scooped him in one of his arms and started his most successful distracting technique. An even louder squeal was pried from his nephew. 

(They were in Lanling, after all. There is no need to enforce Gusu Lan rules so strictly when there is more pressing matter at hand, like a very likely war between the Jin and the Jiangs if Jin Ling disappears under the care of the first. Besides, if they did start reinforcing the rules, Xichen would also have to pay his fair punishment and write some extensive lines about eavesdropping.)

“Gege! Xichen-ge!” A-Yuan squirmed in his hold, kicking and trying to push his hand away as it began to squeeze his side non stop, playful, restless fingers spidering and pinching every inch of ticklish skin. His high squeaky laughter began traveling across the air and the younger one wiggled and wiggled until he could turn around and shove his face in his shoulder, melting completely on him as his entire body shook with his giggles and crackles.

“Yes?” Xichen smiled and wormed his hand up until it was attacking that silly spot right between his shoulder blades with fluttering fingers and a barely there touch that never failed to fill his uncontrollable laughter with snorts and high pitched snickering. A-Yuan trashed a bit more, finally realizing that there was really no escape from his tickly end. The kid then hugged him closer, shyly muffling his laughter. 

Lan Xichen nuzzled the top of his head, happily. He would have to move him soon, both to be sure that Xiao Yuan was breathing properly and also as a chance to see that delightful smile of his.

“No need to get shy, little bunny, your strategy to distract me is very efficient, I say. I already forgot what I even came here to do.” 

He sneaked two fingers to lightly scratch at his neck, successfully making him pull his face out of his shoulder to scrunch and protect the spot. Lan Xichen flashed an eager grin to those gleaming, squinting eyes. “Maybe I only  need to keep tickle-tickle-tickling you until I remember, then! Doesn’t it sound like a perfect plan?”

A-Yuan was too occupied wiggling his form from the new, previous free hand that found the back of his ribs and was attacking him with vigorous scratching to answer. It didn’t help that the other hand had only crawled up to tease the shell of his ears with an onslaught of soft, light tickles too.

Even so, it didn’t take long before a grip pulled the hand that wasn’t holding his nephew up away and another little boy answered him.

“Let him go!”

“But, A-Yi, then he will fall.” His reply was goodnaturedly and, like a very caring adult, his grin only expanded further at Jingyi’s groan. The boy didn’t despair for long, however, quickly tugging his sleeve once more with a more determined look on his face.

“Don’t worry, A-Yuan. I have an idea!”

Lan Yuan adjusted his face to look at his best friend, uncovering it enough that only one teary eye and half of a bright smile were visible, his hands still held the white fabric under his grip tightly. He looked quite like a worm, squirming from one side to another like this.

“A-Yi!” His giggles got bubbly and full of snorts as Lan Xichen started making his fingers walk up and down and up and down and up and down (again!) his spine. “R-run!”

“Never!” Jingyi protested, putting all his strength in pulling Xichen’s hand away while tiptoeing and putting his other hand between A-Yuan’s back and Lan Xichen's tickly fingers. “I won’t leave you behind! He can’t fight both of us at once, A-Yuan, don’t worry.”

“Is that so? Perhaps, you should come closer to defeat me, I believe.” Xichen stopped tickling A-Yuan and let him become boneless on his hug, tiny snickers still escaping from his lips. With his other arm, he scooped Jingyi up, gracefully suppressing a grimace when the young one shrieked right next to his ear. “There we go. I am excited to see your new, brilliant plan that will lead to my fall.”

Jingyi clumsily straightened himself, poofing out his chest with pride. 

“You already fell for it, Xichen-ge!” With a gleaming smile, A-Yi beamed smugly. He straightened himself even more, both arms resting on his back in a pose that he and Lan Wangji usually assumed when teaching their classes. Lan Xichen easily stomped over his desire to chuckle at the morrorining. “Now both of your hands are full! Which means you can’t use them to tickle us now, aha!”

The adult gasped in faux despair and Jingyi bounced in pride. 

“How didn’t I see this? Jingyi, I am afraid your mind has long surpassed mine. Such a good plan…” A-Yuan patted his arm, still giggling softly, in consolation. Lan Xichen tried very hard to keep his faux despairing tune one and not become endeared. “I fear there is no other choice for me, then. I will have to use my secret technique.”

For a little bit of suspense, he let the silence guide their nerves high, refusing to meet their searching eyes as the xiao lans exchanged looks between themselves and then turned back to watch him tensely, expecting the�� moment of his attack. Glancing at his friend, Lan Xichen noted both him and Jin ling staring at the silly moment, the first with a knowing smile and the latter with wide, attentive eyes.

“The Snacking Attack.”

“That is a stu- silly namEEEEEK!!” Jingyi's commentary grew louder with another shriek as Lan Xichen tilted him a little to the side and pressed his face on his belly, placing freely and playfully nimbly nibbles and buzzing raspberries on every inch of the tickle spot. “NO! XICHEN-GE!!”

Different from Lan Yuan, who was always fond of muffling his reactions and closing his eyes from the uncontrollable, loud laughter tickling usually pried from him, Lan Jingyi did the completely opposite, he crackled and shrieked freely, limbs trashing, kicking and squirming with no hope of coordination or escape, missing his every attempt to pushing the buzzing, electric feeling that jumped and tingled his nerves away with every tickle. Lan Xichen made sure to bury his face as much as he could on the spot before replying, shaking it from one side to another with another raspberry.

“Hm?” The words vibrated from his belly to his entire torso. Lan Jingyi wheezed and crackled in reply, one hand coming to his hair to push him away. Lan Xichen hummed again, just to be sure. “I apologize, could you repeat that? I couldn’t quite grasp your words. Someone is laughing really loudly nearby and it muffled your sentence. It’s a good thing that we’re not in Cloud Recess, I suppose, otherwise I would have to catch that giggly person and explain the benefits of keeping a calm, collected mind.”

It would be quite amusing to try to hold a conversation with him. While A-Yuan would at least try to stay focused on what he was saying and in his surrounding, Jingyi seemed to forget every and any single thing in the very moment a small poke attacked his side, his mind focusing in nothing else but the sensation and in almost no time the boy would be jolting and squealing in surprise every time a new spot was tickled, even if he saw the attack come from a li away.

“NO!” He squawked, laughing non stop “No tickling! You’re cheating!!”

“Is that so? I wasn’t under the impression we were playing a game.” Satisfied with the wheezing turn that his laughter took, Lan Xichen lifted his face, smiling calmly at the kid when his beaming eyes found his, airy chuckles and subdued crackles still spilling from him, arms crashing down to protect his torso “I apologize. Please, if you would be so kind, explain to me, then, the rules of this game.”

“Yehehah!” Jingyi cheered excitedly, no longer hugging himself and starting to grin in mischievousness. He pointed a wobbly finger at him! “No ticklihihing.”  

“No tickling.” Lan Xichen agreed. “What else?”

Jingyi pursed his lips, thinking. Suddenly, his eyes twinkled. “You must put A-Yuan on the ground!”

With narrowed eyes, he watched as Lan Xichen complied, his friend sagging and clutching the larger, white sleeves with a few snickers before letting them go and stumbling on the ground. Jingyi bounced in his arms in happiness, seeing that his wishes were truly being followed. 

“Jin Ling must be here as well, for this and all of our games, tomorrow and then the tomorrow after that and then tomorrow after tomorrow! We have to tickle him too when he comes, so it’s fair. You must come to more of our games! And play fairly! No sneaking to talk with Jin-Zongzhu far away.”

Feeling his cheeks burn and how the kid didn’t look anywhere close to stopping, Lan Xichen finally pulled his final card.

With a light tune, he interrupted Jingyi.

“Excuse me, this is a very long list, I might if I am not in the best conditions, and to carefully contemplate each of your points and try my best to find a common place between us with them I will need to gather my energy and strength, alright?” Jingyi pouted, but there was no throwing a fit or planning another kidnap, which was a good signal though. “For that, you won’t mind if I have a snack, do you? To replenish the body and calm the soul. It will be really quick.” 

They boy must have started to recognize his quirks, for the way he immediately became suspicious. However, when he realized the possible meaning of his words, it was already too late.

“Would you like some more raspberries?”

He gasped. “NO-”

Suddenly his entire ribs were being devoured in long, loud and buzzing raspberries that made him almost fall from the other’s grip. Unrestrained, high pitched, squeaking and shrieking laughter filled the yard as his mind was completely taken over by the mischievous attack.

Lan Xichen lifted his mouth, but for the way that the squeaks and squeals continued to fill the air, he might as well had continued his tickly endeavor.

“A delicious meal, indeed.” Jingyi crackled and laughed, legs kicking and tiny hands coming to rest in his face. “A-Yi, please,” his tune was amused and exasperated. “You’re aware of our rules: one must not talk during their meals. Yet, I can hear your cute laughter loud and clear, you must cease this loud behavior at once.”

“You’re tickling me!!” 

“Am I?” Deciding to finally stop his playing and teasing, Lan Xichen stopped his tickles and pulled himself back to his usual straightened posture, a fond smile gracing his lips as he watched the young one in his arms giggle and squirm. “I was under the impression that I was simply offering some raspberries for a snack. I apologize.”

As the other recuperated his breath, the adult turned to look downwards, seeing big grey eyes staring right back at him. A-Yuan jolted and looked down, holding the hem of his clothes and stepping closer to him.

It was not difficult at all to see what he wanted.

Adjusting A-Yi, Lan Xichen scooped the kid again, laying tiny raspberries all across his neck and cheeks, until a twin pair of giggles were ringing loudly in the air.

“Er-ge must be really hungry today.” A-Yao glided closer, uncaring for how Jin Ling chewed at the string of his hat, a playful light in his eyes. “Perhaps I should assure a larger assortment of snacks during our time in the conference. Jintali is proud of their hospitality, especially for allies.”

“A-Yao.” Lan Xichen huffs a laugh, lightly scolding.

A shout and trashing attracted his attention back to the Lans on his arms, who, at some point, engaged in a tickle fight between themselves. Jingyi had captured Yuan’s feet and was attacking his friend with energetic scribbles while the other tried to pry his fingers away, laughing and squirming freely, one hand getting dangerously close too A-Yi’s own leg, but the kid was much preoccupied shouting about his victory to notice.

Lan Xichen's heart was truly weak, seeing both of them having fun and being loud like that made it melt from cuteness. Of course, his sect’s rules weren’t as harsh for the kids as it was for the adults who should know better, but the sight of the boys playfully fighting and being unapologetic loud about their joy was a rare enough occurrence that should be enjoyed.

After a few moments of a light brawl and more giggles, Lan Xichen couldn’t help but turn around to rest a fond kiss on the top of their heads. He sighed contentedly, uncaring for a few kicks or slaps that found their way to his chest. Nothing better to light up after an exhausting conference than to hear such some bright laughter, it was almost as if all his energy was being replenished after this moment. The fact that both kids would be tired enough for their bedtime today was also a good consequence of all this fooling around.

Shrieking laughter and snorts ran like a lovely melody across the yard.

“What is happening here? Who is being murdered?!” 

Lan Xichen turned in time to see Jiang Wanyin's frowning face emerge from the inner’s doors as he stormed across it. His gaze clued on him, eyes passing through his face and the laughing kids in his arms as confusion blinked for a moment in his eyes before being replaced by his usual closed expression. 

“Zewu Jun.” He bowed formally and, as Lan Xichen lowered to put the kids on the ground and return the gesture, lifted his hand in a halting motion. “No need. I am not staying long, I only came here to get my nephew.”

“Sect Leader Jiang.” A-Yao stepped close, receiving the bow from the other and answering in kind with a smile full of politeness but with little truth. In his arms, Jin Ling squirmed until he put him on the ground, the little one wobbling to his jiujiu until he could latch on his legs with a squeal and a long winded babbling.

For a moment, the fondness on both of Sect Leader’s eyes was so strong that Lan Xichen really wished they could get along easier, being so equally caring about Jin Ling. 

The spell was over soon, however. 

“Of course, I will ask the maidens to prepare his belongings for the trip.” Jin Guangyao made a flourish with his hand and sent a message butterfly to the inner part of the palace. One of Wanyin’s eyes twitched. “Has this year’s conference been fruitful for you?”

“As much as it can be.” Jiang Wanyin replied with a slightly less polite tune, but with an equal void of truth. “The Jiang Yummeng Sect thanks the Jin Sect for their hospitality.”

“Of course, our sects have been strong allies for years, and I am glad our hospitality shows my appreciation. Tell me, how has the rebuilding of Lotus Pier been?”

Before he could listen more of their exchange, Lan Xichen felt Jingyi squirming on his arm and remembered to put them on the ground, patting and adjusting their clothes until they were less wrinkled. All the while, Jingyi kept stealing glances at Jiang Wanyin and Jin Ling and then turning to him with big, pleading eyes. Yuan did the same, although his eyes barely found his before he was looking down, playing with the hem of his robes sadly.

The adult sighed and got up.

“Sect Leader Jiang.” Said one stopped what he was saying and turned at him sharply, his displeased face turning into a confused scowl, once again. “About Jin Ling’s departure, I believe there is something A-Yi and A-Yuan wanted to ask. They’ve already recomposed themselves.” He joked, reminding about how the other had found them playing in the yard.

Jiang Wanyin huffed, the corner of his lip twisting for a brief as if it wanted to break his sharp expression, but as quick as it came it was over. The Jiang turned completely at the kids, staring as Jingyi stared fiercely back. Lan Xichen laid an encouraging hand on their backs, pushing lightly forward.

“We would like to play a little more with A-Ling, please, Jiang-Zhongzhu.” A-Yuan bowed the proper height and then turned to Lan Xichen, who nodded in agreement.

Wanyin frowned (it felt a bit different than his previous one, even if Xichen couldn’t quite put his finger on why. His face was more expressive than his brother, moving and changing from expression to expression much more visibly, however, it was still hard to distinguish each one). “I will stay for a few hours while me and Liangfang-zun share a cup of tea and all of Jin Ling’s stuff gets prepared. You can play with him then, until we leave.”

“And then he’s gone forever?” Lan Shizui held Jingyi’s hand tightly, voice so small and low that it broke their hearts a little. A-Yao pressed his lips firmly, a bit guilty. 

“He is not going to die,” Sect Leader Jiang rolled his eyes, tune half exasperated and half clipped, then seemed to realize whose presence he was and set himself even more straight. “You will see him again if Zewu Jun brings you for the next conference.”

“He is our friend! You can’t-”

“Lan Jingyi.” Lan Xichen cut before the boy could get even more worked up or Sandu Shengshou could get offended by his demeanor. Jingyi huffed and quieted down. “Do not let your emotions overcome you.” When all he received was a small nod from Jingyi and a big, sad eye from his nephew, with an internal sigh, he continued. “Perhaps Sect Leader Jiang would be amenable in setting a visiting date at Lotus Pier in the near future?” He doubted Jin Ling would enjoy the Cloud Recesses being so little.

Jiang Cheng tensed and looked at him, searching for something before his eyes fixated on the kids. The corner of his eyes were tight and expression seemed more sharp than normal. Eventually, he bowed, nor higher or lower than necessary. “The Gusu Lan Sect is always welcome in Lotus Pier. I will personally send a letter to set the date and details a couple of days after I settle in my office and take care of the most urgent matters.”

“Of course.” Lan Xichen bowed back. “Gusu Lan thank Sandu Shengshou for his offer. Me, Lan Shizui and Jingyi do thank you as well.”

“Yes!” Shizui caught his clue first and pulled him and Jingyi into a clumsy, too low for the situation, bow. Sect Leader Jiang’s face lost some of its tension then. 

“It’s good for A-Ling to form strong bonds with the Lan Sect, maybe it will rub off some patience on his bad temper.” As to prove his words, he lightly poked the toddler’s nose and received an angry, long winded rant for it, tears gathering on the corner of his eyes as he moved his arms to clutch on the offending hand. The Jiang tsked and pulled him closer, bouncing in an attempt to ease him with an eye roll. Lan Xichen hummed in agreement, quietly amused.

“I will head to my quarters now and prepare the necessary documents for our discussion.” Both him and A-Yao nodded to each other and Lan Xichen followed the lead as well. The younger leader then turned his attention to the little Lans with an inexpressive face. “You two got something to say?”

Jingyi nodded and stepped forward, getting his arms full of a toddler when Jiang Cheng lowered Jin Ling back to the ground, Lan Shizui approached them and got trapped on the hug as well.

“I’m going to miss you.” He whispered.

Jin Ling simply accepted the affection before deciding it was enough and pushing them away. He turned around then and clung right back to his jiujiu’s leg, waving them as he gathered on his arms once more and they headed away, a Spider appearing from somewhere far, facing away from them following him close as Sect Leader Jiang marched back inside.

“Bye bye!”

After their shared dinner, Jiang Cheng announced that he would be staying for two more days (after, of course, the polite e politically expected back-and-forth where he stated not wanting it to be viewed as an imposition to the Jin Sect, to which A-Yao claimed that he was welcomed to stay as long as he felt like until it was decided) in Koi Tower before departing to Lotus Pier.

Only when Lan Xichen managed to put both children to sleep did he realize that this meant that Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling would be leaving the very same day he, Shizui and Jingyi were. An interested smile pulled at his lips at that. 

Ever since that day, much more play dates had been arranged and a stronger bond formed between them, both with the adults and children. Sect Leader Jiang (then Jiang Wanyin and now simply Wanyin) and A-Yao became more amenable to each other, even if they continued to have a pleased joy in poking each other to their limits. Lan Jingyi and Shiziu were no longer small enough to be carried by Xichen nor needed him to arrange playdates, both already starting to lose the baby fat of their cheeks and go out on night hunts accompanied. Which meant that xiao Jin Ling already claimed himself too old for such “childish things” as well and pestered his uncle to be taken together on his own night hunts, resulting in plenty of bickering and annoyed letters being exchanged back and forth between the sects. The more the days passed by, the more Xichen got surprised with how fast they were growing up.  

However, there was something they would never be too old to escape from.

Lan Jingyi’s surrounding awareness was growing better, Lan Xichen noticed, probably because of the uncountable shenanigans he and his friends (Shizui not excluded) continued getting into. The very memento Xichen approached him, stepping quietly closer as he saw the boy wander around while he was enjoying the calm evening, Jingyi immediately turned his head in his direction, freezing for a moment, eyes wide and body tensing, before dashing away.

Oh well, Xichen sighed, catching up with the young teen and gathering in no time a bundle of shrieking Jingyi in his arms. His smile was soft and his voice calm as he lectured him, no heat in his tune, but in a giant contrast with his hands, which were skillfully and fast at tickling his armpits, digging and drumming and making him thro his head back in laughter, legs kicking madly.

“Young Master Jingyi, I am sure you’re plenty aware of our sects’ rules, being an acquaintance to them just as much as I, despise our diffent ages.” Jingyi replied with loud crackling and Xichen sighed in faux admonishment, sparing a few fingers to wiggle over his highest ribs as his thumbs still tormented his armpits. “Therefore, we both know which rules you broke and are breaking at this very moment, don’t we? Can you please inform each one of them to me?”

Jingyi squealed and squirmed, trying in vain to escape him. When moments passed by with no response, Lan Xichen lightened his attack, deciding to instead scribble his fingers on his neck and pry higher pitched and uncontrollable giggles, in lieu of helping the boy.

“Take the time you need, A-Yi. I will be waiting for your answer right here.”

He highlighted the end of his sentence with even more tickles, Jingyi shook his head and fell completely on his arms, snickering and giggling non stop.

Patience was a virtue, and Lan Xichen wouldn’t want to hurry such a bright, young mind. Jingyi would come to share his answer when he was ready, he was sure. While that didn’t happen, Xichen was more than happy to stay exactly where he was, giving the boy all the motivation he needed.

Lan Shizui, (un)fortunately, was not so attentive nor as bold to break one of their main rules right in front of the heir of the sect, which allowed Lan Xichen to approach him and walk side by side before the boy was looking at him, his polite greeting vanishing on his lips when he saw the specific smile Lan Xichen had in his face, immediately changing, however, to the fastest pace possible one could get without running. 

It was a little funny to see. Xichen, of course, matched him step by step, continuing at his side.

Shizui jolted when a poke landed on his side, too quick to be dodged, while a loud and embarrassing high pitched squeal almost escaped from his mouth. As he tried to dodge or change his path, more and more pokes attacked, falling on his back, wiggling on his sides, teasing his ribs and prodding his shoulder blades determinedly and relentlessly until he was left squeaking and stumbling on his steps, no longer able to at least pretend to maintain a straight face as those playful and bright golden eyes (so much alike HuangJun that Shizui couldn’t help but feel himself smiling joyfully in reply) and being easily followed by his uncle.

“Young Master Shizui, where are you trying to go? Wouldn’t you accompany me for a walk?”

Shizui simply shook his head, snickers and chuckles muffled by his hands that immediately when to cover his face, red spreading across his ears and neck at the playful words and tickles that continued to tease him through all the way.

Jingyi and Shizui never got to really understand what impulsed the First Jade to get so mischievous asn silly around them, how he could find both when they were on a bad mood or after a rough day and put a content smile on their face, but each time they would be greeted with that same grin and a warm embrace. Memories would spill from when they were both tiny enough to hide behind him amidst his robes and they perhaps would never be able to admit out loud, but Jingyi and Shizui were more than happy to be reminded of such fond, cherished moments of their childhood. 

Xichen, as well, never told anyone, but all of them knew he was more than happy to continue to share this piece of playfulness with the ones he watched and helped to grow up. 

In the end, there are simply things that they wouldn’t truly wish to escape.

[~*~]

EXTRAS

The story Lan Xichen was reading for small Lan Zhan wasn’t something Lan Qiren choose (he favored the poetry books, but those would have to wait until the kids were older) but that the kids received as a present from one of the elder and, much for his chagrin, one that Lan Zhan loved with all his heart and asked to Xichen to read for him every night for years refusing to go to sleep otherwise and getting incredibly fussy on the next day if he didn’t.

Lan Xichen tickling Lan Yuan: <3 <3 <3 awwww look at my nephew he is so cute <3 <3 very smol very polite

Lan Xichen tickling Lan Jingyi: >:]] So you’ve chosen death >:]]]

To the little girl that I met on the park when I was 7 and who rattled out her little brother's worst tickle spot as his ankles: thank you so much I have never forget this moment and I hope I am doing right by your name to honor the knowledge you gave me and using it to torment my dear fictional characters <3

[breelandwalker]

hi, i'm currently potted plant witching as well (just planted my first crop of veggie/herb/flower seeds & got some more containers & soil today for more planting this weekend) and i would love to know more about your garden this year; would you be willing to outline your plans? any special herbs or projects? Thanks!! <3 love your blog!

🌿🌿🌿 HYPERFIXATION ACTIVATED. 🌿🌿🌿

OH I HAVE SO MANY PLANS, LET ME TELL YOU.

This is the first year that Ragnar and I are doing actual work and sweat equity with the yard at our new place. Last year things were just too chaotic and we didn't have the time or the energy to do much of anything. We trimmed occasionally and I harvest some wild plants, but that was about it.

This year, it's Go Time.

Last weekend, I finally busted out the gorgeous barrel pots we got for Christmas and spent my April market earnings on potting soil, garden tools, and seedlings. When we lived in the apartment, I had a pretty hefty window garden with herbs and flowers and a few vegetables, so I'm eager to recreate that in an outdoor space where the plants can really thrive. (I mean, I grew cherry tomatoes and three kinds of peppers in 10" pots indoors and they got pretty big, so I can only imagine being outdoors will go even better with fresh air and rain and pollinators.)

The potted garden has Napoli tomatoes, poblano and cayenne peppers, green sage, and rosemary, along with something I've never tried growing before - blueberries! I'm planning to add additional pots and more herbs later on, but I felt like this was a really good start. If I can manage it, I want to grow a huge planter of nothing but spinach and sweet basil so I can make pesto this summer.

We've also started clearing and tilling a space out in the yard proper for a raised-bed garden. Nothing too big or ambitious, just something we can try some larger veggies in. We're hoping to try the Three Sisters model with hybrid corn, snap peas, green beans, and kabocha pumpkins. I was also hoping to put in napa cabbage, but there are quite a lot of slugs in the yard when it rains, so perhaps not. I'm toying with the idea of planting some late crops for fall and winter harvests as well. I have sugarplum visions of strings of peppers and braids of garlic hanging in our kitchen with many jars of preserves and sauce in the pantry.

We might also try some other fruits if things go well, maybe raspberries or grapes, but that's more of a Next Summer project. The fence and the ground around it needs some work first and we don't want to overdo things the first year. (I'd really love to put in a little serviceberry tree, but that might be pushing things a bit with regard to space.)

There's also a side garden that's in need of some TLC where I'm vaguely tossing around the idea of climbing flower vines (clematis or morning glory or trumpet flower maybe? something local) and maybe some ground cover in the form of periwinkle. There's also a downspout that really needs a rain barrel, so that's next on the list.

There are sections of the yard that we've deliberately left wild as well, hoping to encourage native plants and pollinators. The clover patches are massive and produce lots of four-leafers and blossoms, so the bees are having a field day. There's also wild dogbane sprouting up now that the vetchweed is cleared and wild plantain (aka white man's foot) starting to come in along the walkway. If I have my druthers, I'll be planting more wildflowers this summer.

Have some pictures and tell me about your garden!

[firecoloredwater]

Siiiigh okay so. For @silverutahraptor's reference:

You are seriously underestimating the range of the chocolate quality in the US. Yes, there's Hersheys and M&Ms and so on, but there are also LOTS of smaller regional retailers that have much higher quality. My city alone has three competing local chocolate makers, and also Rocky Mountain Chocolates moved in several years back, so now we're up to four. The local ones are all Italian, for some reason. If you're not limited to solid chocolate only, try the chocolate-covered sponge candy or raspberries.

Bologna is just meat? It's just meat. You put it on sandwiches. I don't love it but I don't... it's not even an American invention? Or a default for deli meat options? I don't understand why it's on this list. Did OP('s friend) mean SPAM?

I have never had Watergate salad but I feel like it's an acquired taste. None of the ingredients themselves are bad, salt+sweet is common, the theory is sound, this particular execution is Unusual. Probably would do better on any website but this one, since I think the textural cacophony would put me off and I seem to be on the tolerant end of that for tumblr. Anyway yeah skip this one unless you're just really curious for some reason.

I have had a twinkie once in my life and like. They're exactly what they are, which is a sugar bomb that can sit at room temperature for an extended time without going bad, and not put anyone off by containing anything anyone could object to, which also means they contain nothing interesting. You eat them for nostalgic cravings or when you just need calories to get through this drive/shift and enjoying food is out of the question anymore, whether due to time constraints or exhaustion. That said they do not last as long as rumors say and probably contain exactly as many preservatives as every other snack cake/pastry type thing available in a gas station/that aisle of the grocery store, so like... if you're in that situation your alternatives are not better. Consume something and move on.

Grits are literally just hot cereal, but made of corn instead of wheat or oats. Just??? It's the same as oatmeal or porridge, but corn. The only reason this is on this list is it's Southern so most of the US also pretends it's weird. It's just corn, guys, add whatever you like on popcorn and you'll be fine. Or if you don't like corn skip it, but that's not because corn is bad.

I have never had boiled peanuts but like. It's peanuts? I am willing to take southern peoples' word on this one being good. Add salt. I will also not eat it because peanuts make me nauseous but that's not the peanuts fault.

Okay biscuits and gravy are like. pasta and sauce, but it's bread and gravy. I don't want to touch it but again the theory is sound. Carbs + flavor. Sometimes the sauce has little bits of sausage in it, apparently, at least at the restaurant I was working at. Probably better compared to cream of whatever soup in a bread bowl than anything? Or open face hot sandwiches. So again acquired taste, avoid if it's not appealing, but it's not that bizarre. People but stuff on bread, it's not that weird.

Unnseasoned anything is going to be too bland for most people, I don't really have much to add here. I've never known anyone to actually eat meatloaf without anything on it, you add like barbecue sauce or something. I feel like The Horrors Of American Food were supposed to contain something more horrifying than "bland."

Anyway @silverutahraptor you, specifically, should eat wonderbread and suffer

Because I think it would be funny

Inspired by that poll coming for British food, have an alternative.

Shout-out to @sigh-the-kraken for suggesting American delicacies I wouldn't want to touch 👍

[culinary-vagabond]

Cookbook Thoughts: Foolproof Preserving by America's Test Kitchen

Okay, first thing to note is that the copy I have is a portion of the full book. I think it's the magazine version that was put on newsstands or something, but apparently there's a longer version. Given that I'm already planning to try 16 recipes from it, I'm good with the shorter version.

So why this book? Well, more food than I'm comfortable with went to waste, even though we didn't get that much from our garden. It's not a big garden, but still. The number of surprise tomato plants we had was a lot (bird poop is really good fertilizer apparent - it's how we got tomato plants on the other side of the yard). The strawberry plants were establishing themselves this last year, so this coming year we might have a big enough harvest that we have to do something with them. Partner has a plan for attempting to protect our blueberry and blackberry bushes from the birds eating all the fruit before we get to it, so we might need to deal with that too. Also, we had more vegetables from our CSA go to waste than is good for us or the planet. So many radishes in the box this year... Plus, the family we split said CSA with is having a baby, so if I can preserve some of those vegetables so they have more time to use them, that might be helpful.

What we are planning to try:

No-Commitment Strawberry Jam

Clasic Raspberry Jam

Classic Peach Jam

Classic Apricot Preserves

Fig-Pomegranate Jam

Caramelized Onion Jam

Bacon Jam

Jalapeño-Peach Preserves

Mango Chutney

Pickled Curried Cauliflower

Pickled Watermelon Rind

Chipotle Pickled Garlic

Summer Tomato Sauce

Spicy Tomato Jam

Red Enchilada Sauce

Spiced Pears in Syrup

We'll see how many of these come out of our garden and/or the fruit tree we hope to buy & plant this year (probably none, that's going to need time to establish itself, assuming we actually plant this year). But I may have sorted out this year's winter holiday gifts...

[healthis-everything]

Honest Revival Tonic Review: Does It Help You Lose Weight?

Click Here To Visit Official Website

Unfortunately, there’s one obstacle to overcome for many people, and that’s losing weight.

Being overweight, with too much fat in the wrong places, can destroy body image, energy, confidence, etc.

That’s why I’m constantly on the hunt to find the best ways to lose weight fast and efficiently.

Some background: I’ve been lifting weights for nearly seven years, and I love to learn about working out, dieting, the body and brain, and (trying out) supplements that improve my quality of life. My passion is sharing what I learn and helping others become more knowledgeable to enhance their quality of life.

In this article, I’ll discuss Revival Tonic, a supplement to speed up weight loss and improve well-being and health.

Instead of the usual pills, it comes in convenient liquid drops that increase the absorption of the ingredients and make it work faster.

Fat burners can make dieting (a lot) more manageable, but they’ll never be a substitute for a caloric deficit, sleep, or an exercise routine.

After this review, you’ll know precisely what Revival Tonic is and if you should try it out yourself.

I’ll review Revival Tonic in the following order:

What is Revival Tonic? The practical information An explanation of all the ingredients (are they worth it?) Safety and possible side-effects A price-to-quality assessment Experiences with Revival Tonic My opinion if Revival Tonic is worth it A Q&A of popular questions Sit back, open your mind, and let’s find out if Revival Tonic is next on your supplement list.

Revival Tonic $49.00 Revival Tonic Overall Rating: Awesome Boost Metabolism & Fat Burn Prevent New Fat Cells Less Hungry & Full Faster Support Health & Well-Being Buy Now

It’s taken in liquid drop form that you mix with water or put in your mouth and swallow. Because it’s liquid, the ingredients are better absorbed and work faster.

Revival Tonic makes the body more efficient at using food as energy, breaking down fat stores, boosting metabolism, and eliminating cravings.

Practical Information about Revival Tonic Content: Every bottle contains 60 ml or 2 FL oz., each filled with many all-natural ingredients.

Recommended serving size: 7 drops three times daily before your meals. You can mix it with water or swallow it directly. They recommend trying Revival Tonic for at least 90–180 days for optimal results.

Supply duration: At the recommended dose, a bottle lasts around 30-days, but it depends on how often you prefer to use it.

Promises:

Burn unwanted body fat. Stimulate metabolism to increase calories burned. Prevent new fat from storing. Reduce hunger, increase satiety, and eliminate cravings. Feel energized physically and mentally. Improve mood and well-being Boost the immune system and overall health. 60-Day, no questions asked, money-back guarantee (on their website). 100% natural, no fillers/ preservatives/ artificial colors/ stimulants/ toxins. No tolerance, side effects, or habit forming. Manufactured: in the USA in an FDA-approved and GMP-certified facility.

Where to buy it: Revival Tonic can be purchased directly at their website since they have a 100% money-back guarantee.

Ingredient list of Revival Tonic explained Click on the pic to check it out. The ingredients in Revival Tonic Explained The ingredients in Revival Tonic fall under their “proprietary blend.” This means that the exact quantities of individual components aren’t known.

There are 9 ingredients, and I’ll explain each in detail below:

100% Aloe Vera Aloe is a cactus found in hot, dry, subtropical places. As a dietary supplement, it has many benefits.

It’s a powerful antioxidant and has antibacterial properties, which means it helps fight off free radicals and diseases. It’s also good against constipation, for healthy skin, lowers blood pressure, anti-aging, etc.

It may benefit weight loss by boosting metabolism, which means you burn extra calories.

Raspberry Ketone Raspberry ketones are a natural substance found in red raspberries and other fruits. It gives raspberries a strong aroma.

They may speed up the metabolism, increase the speed at which the body burns fat, and reduce hunger.

African Mango (Irvingia Gabonensis) The Irvingia Gabonensis, also called African Mango, comes from a tree found in West Africa.

Research has found that it may reduce fat cell growth and helps in the breakdown of fats.

Besides directly aiding in fat loss, it may also reduce hunger and have other health benefits.

Acai Berry Extract Acai Berry is a superfruit from acai palm trees and originates from America. They’re incredibly high in antioxidants, which protect the body from free radicals.

Acai berries are very healthy and may benefit health in the following ways: lowering blood sugar and pressure, a healthy immune system, reducing swelling, helping in digestion, anti-aging, boosting cognitive function (memory, thinking, etc.), etc.

It may benefit weight loss by increasing the metabolism, which means the body burns more calories and helps the body burn fat.

Green Tea Extract Green Tea Extract contains a mix of polyphenols and flavonoids and doesn’t contain caffeine like drinking green tea.

Most of the benefits come from the EGCG (epigallocatechin-3-gallate) content, which is beneficial for many things inside our bodies.

Its use in a fat burner is the ability to improve metabolic function, which means more fat loss.

Other benefits include anti-aging, diseases, heart health, increasing insulin sensitivity, etc.

Resveratol Resveratrol is a polyphenol most commonly found in red grapes but also in other grapes, berries, fruits, and nuts.

It acts like a potent anti-oxidant, which protects our bodies from free radicals that can harm us.

As a dietary supplement, studies show that Resveratrol may significantly speed up weight loss (especially in obese people) and reduce weight/ BMI/ fat mass by:

Increasing metabolism through increasing energy expenditure Regulating estrogen (suppressing), which stimulates an increase in muscle mass and lower body fat levels Increase glucose absorption from food into the muscles, which means fewer will go into fat cells. Stimulate the breakdown of fat stores, and inhibit new fat cells from forming. Stimulate AMPK, or AMP-activated protein kinase, which further boosts metabolism, increases energy, increases the breakdown of fat, promotes longevity, etc. Reduce cortisol by blocking an enzyme in the brain that controls stress levels. Resveratrol may have many other health benefits worth mentioning:

Help lower high blood pressure Increase insulin sensitivity Act as an anti-inflammatory Lower stress & anxiety Support healthy cholesterol levels Promote longevity/ anti-aging properties Protecting the brain from cognitive decline Reduce joint pain (from arthritis) Reduce cancer cells/ protect against diseases Caffeine Anhydrous Caffeine anhydrous is extracted from the seed and leaves of coffee plants.

“Anhydrous” means that it contains no water. It’s a highly concentrated caffeine powder, the same as caffeine in coffee.

Caffeine provides energy, alertness, focus, etc.

Apple Cider Vinegar (powder) Apple Cider Vinegar combines apple cider, yeast, and sugar. It contains plenty of healthy substances that benefit our bodies in various ways.

Apple Cider may be anti-bacterial, lower blood sugar (great for diabetes), support a healthy heart, promote skin health, etc.

It’s exciting for weight loss because it may increase fat burn and reduce appetite.

Kelp Kelp is a type of seaweed that’s large and brown. It has many nutrients, like antioxidants (like carotenoids and flavonoids) and vitamins, that are very beneficial for our health.

It may help fight off diseases and free radicals, support healthy bones and thyroids function, regulate blood sugar, help against diabetes, etc.

It may be beneficial for weight loss because it might block fat absorption in the gut.

Benefits of Revival Tonic Click on the pic to check it out. Expected benefits of Revival Tonic Based on the ingredients, you may get the following benefits from taking Revival Tonic:

Break down fat stores easier. Inhibit new fat cells from forming. Boost daily calories burned (metabolism). Increase insulin sensitivity and support healthy blood sugar/ pressure. Decrease hunger and eliminate (late night) cravings. More (mental) energy to be more productive and active. Better sense of general well-being. Feeling less anxiety and stress. Contributes to a healthy immune system (antioxidants, anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory) Various health benefits inside our bodies. Note: a fat burner is an excellent addition to a healthy lifestyle and, ideally, an exercise routine. No fat burner will magically make you lose fat.

Safety and side effects of Revival Tonic Safety and side effects of Revival Tonic The ingredients in Revival Tonic should be safe and well tolerated by healthy adults while sticking to the recommended dosage.

Many fat burners have caffeine, other stimulants, and ingredients that stimulate noradrenaline (a neurotransmitter in the brain that gives an adrenaline reaction). This often comes with side effects like increased heart rate, headaches, nausea, etc.

Contrary to most fat burners, Revival Tonic is unlikely to cause any side effects. It contains natural ingredients and only a minimal amount of caffeine anhydrous.

It’s easy to have mismatched expectations when starting with Revival Tonic or any other fat burner.

It might look like a magic solution to effortlessly losing a bunch of fat overnight. However, no fat burner has this kind of power.

You still need to eat in a caloric deficit and optimally be active.

People with a positive experience that look and feel the best they’ve ever done understand this all too well.

Revival Tonic helps them speed up fat loss significantly in these cases.

It boosts their metabolism, makes their body more efficient at breaking down fat, and reduces hunger.

Essentially, they burn more calories and eat fewer calories, which makes the difference (and fat loss) more significant.

I want to be entirely honest, so you understand weight loss will take time and effort either way.

Revival Tonic can help tremendously, but results will still depend on your lifestyle.

Revival Tonic recommends at least 90–180 days because that’s long enough to make a real, long-lasting difference in body composition.

Price of Revival Tonic Click on the pic to check it out. Price of Revival Tonic The price of Revival Tonic depends on how many bottles you buy at once.

Revival Tonic is priced at:

‍$69 for one bottle. $59 per bottle for a three-bottle package. $49 per bottle for a six-bottle package. This would make the daily price $2.30, $1.97, or $1.67.

Fat burners often range between $0.60-$2.50 per dose, with many in that $1-$2 range (based on many reviews).

Revival Tonic is expensive for a single bottle but falls into the range for larger packages. I believe it’s justified for the many beneficial ingredients.

Revival Tonic $49.00 Revival Tonic Overall Rating: Awesome Boost Metabolism & Fat Burn Prevent New Fat Cells Less Hungry & Full Faster Support Health & Well-Being Buy Now We earn a commission if you click this link and make a purchase at no additional cost to you. Verdict of Revival Tonic: Awesome Click on the pic to check it out. Is Revival Tonic worth it or not? After carefully analyzing the ingredients, I believe that Revival Tonic can make a real, lasting difference in becoming the fittest and most energetic version of yourself.

I like that it’s not merely a fat burner; the ingredients support health in various ways.

Revival Tonic speeds up weight loss by increasing metabolism, making the body more efficient at processing food, burning fat, preventing fat storage, increasing fullness, and eliminating cravings.

Besides weight loss, the ingredients may have numerous other benefits, from increasing energy and well-being to supporting a healthy immune system and protecting from certain diseases.

Because of the all-natural ingredients, side effects are implausible, contrary to most fat burners.

It’s produced in the USA, and I respect the confidence in their product to offer a 60-day money-back guarantee.

If you want to be in the best physical and mental shape of your life, I recommend trying Revival Tonic. Combined with a caloric deficit, it can make an incredible difference in your results and well-being.

You can find Revival Tonic discounted on their official website here.

FAQ Does Revival Tonic work? Revival Tonic can make you lose weight faster because it helps you in two ways.

Firstly, it helps you feel full and eliminate cravings, which reduces the calories you consume.

Secondly, it speeds up the metabolism and helps to break down fat, which increases the calories you burn.

This can make a substantial difference.

How to use Revival Tonic? Revival Tonic is used as liquid drops that quickly dissolve in any liquid and are entirely tasteless.

Their recommended dosage is 7 drops three times a day before each meal.

What are the ingredients in Revival Tonic? Revival Tonic contains the following ingredients:

Where is Revival Tonic manufactured? Revival Tonic is manufactured in the USA in an FDA-approved and GMP-certified facility.

Is Revival Tonic good for diabetes? The all-natural ingredients in Revival Tonic make it an excellent fat burner for people with diabetes.

Does Revival Tonic break a fast? The liquid drops of Revival Tonic will not break a fast.

How much does Revival Tonic cost? The price of Revival Tonic depends on the number of bottles you buy. It costs $49 for one, $39 each for three, and $31 each for six.

Where to buy Revival Tonic? You can buy Revival Tonic easily on the official Revival Tonic website.

[robininthelabyrinth]

i've been keeping a list of possible prompts for you and there's one i have no memory of adding that just says "courtesan nmj????" so i guess that's the prompt you're getting lmao

What Does the Fox Say - ao3

“Second Madame Nie!” a disciple shouted, rushing into her little garden. She didn’t recognize him, but he was solidly built and well-muscled like most of the others – truly, the Unclean Realm was a rapturous feast for one with eyes to see it. Yum, yum. “Second Madame Nie, I have bad news!”

Boo. She hated bad news: bad news meant she’d have to do something, usually, and right now she was seated very comfortably in a pleasant piece of sun in the garden path that’d been made up just for her and to her preferences, with her feet up on a chair and a full plate of fruit from the kitchen on the table in front of her just begging to be devoured, morsel by delicious morsel.

Her schedule was packed!

“I regret to tell you, but your husband has been killed!”

“Oh,” she said, frowning slightly. “Has he? How obnoxious of him.”

How unreliable. Men.

She sighed.

“Second Madame – Second Madame – you don’t understand!” The disciple was all red-eyed and weepy, which was a look she liked, especially in big, stout men like this. The salt added a bit of spice to the whole thing. “You must flee at once! He was killed by Sect Leader Wen in an act of outright aggression – Sect Leader Wen has declared war – the Wen sect is invading!”

She nodded and picked up another lychee to start peeling it. She’d get around to fleeing in her own time. As long as this Wen sect or whatnot was being led by a man, she wasn’t terribly concerned.

“They intend to wipe out the inheritance of Qinghe Nie! They will rip out the child in your belly!”

She hummed noncommittally. Really, how attached was she to having a child of her own? Really?

“They will slaughter civilians – execute Nie-gongzi –”

Her hands stilled.

“What,” she said, and the disciple took a step back automatically, proving that he, at least, had something more of a survival instinct than her late husband did. “Hurt my little meat bun? My darling rice roll? My savory zongzi?”

She stood up, diminutive height and over-large belly and frilly clothing doing absolutely nothing to diminish the vaguely menacing aura that darkened the sky around her. She bared her teeth.

“Who does this upstart Wen dog think he is?!”

The disciple blinked owlishly, but nodded, seeming relieved that she’d finally accepted his concern, though she could see on his face that he was thinking that her reasoning was – characteristically – a little strange. But then again, and she could see this thought process on his far too honest face, it was well known that the second Madame Nie been quite strange ever since Sect Leader Nie had found her in some lonesome place with no family or background and brought her back to be his new wife nevertheless.

Such a charming man. Pity about his loss, really.

“You have to flee at once, we can’t possibly fight so many people,” the disciple said once more, and this time she nodded in agreement. “We can escort you to a hidden exit –”

“No!” a little voice called. “We can’t go.”

She turned to look, and there was the little pork-and-shrimp dumpling himself, chubby-cheeked and earnest-eyed, looking as delicious as always.

“What do you mean, fish cake?” she asked. “Of course we have to go. Didn’t you hear what this strapping young man said? This Wen person wants to kill you!”

“If Father is dead, then I’m the sect leader,” her stepson said. He was serious and solemn in a way that made her want to pinch his cheeks and bury her face into his belly to blow raspberries, and also possibly to eat him right up, flesh and marrow and gristle and all. “That means it’s my responsibility to preserve the Nie sect.”

“Nie-gongzi, no!” the disciple cried, throwing himself to his knees in a dramatic display of loyalty. “You would only die – far better for you to run, and live!”

“Then isn’t the same true for everyone else?” the tasty little dish asked, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting. Possibly he was trying to put on a fierce expression, maybe, she couldn’t quite tell sometimes. He was so cute. “Why should I live, and them not? I refuse to buy my life with their deaths!”

“But – Nie-gongzi –”

Her charming little honey cake shook his head and held up a hand to stop the disciple, turning to look at her instead.

“Second Mother,” he said, and he had that wholesome trusting expression again that was such a perfect little one-shot-kill to the heart, ugh. “You always said you’re the best at hiding. The best in the world, no one better among all the gods or demons!”

She was, too. She couldn’t help but preen a little, proud.

“– can’t you do something?”

“Oh, darling cabbage bun,” she said, not without fondness. “I can hide myself from even the net of Heaven itself if I so choose, from gods and demons alike, and I can most certainly hide a small group from any mortal eyes that dare to look, if you don’t mind being a little tiny bit dishonorable about the business. But an entire sect? That’s a bit much, even for someone as talented and skilled as me.”

Her stepson looked up at her, all straight-steel sincerity and upright righteousness wrapped into a perfectly edible little snack-sized package. “If we split them up, the sect could be small groups,” he said eagerly. “Couldn’t you do something then?”

He was so cute, and he trusted her. He trusted her, believed in her, felt that she could perform miracles with a wave of her sleeve if only she so wished.

It was awful.

She couldn’t bear it.

“Oh all right, you nummy little slice of roast pork belly,” she said, yielding. “But I’m telling you now, it won’t be the least bit honorable! There’s only so many excuses you can come up with for having a lot of strong men with wide shoulders and women with thick thighs hanging around, and not a single one of them has the slightest bit to do with what you people consider to be appropriate.”

“That’s all right. Preserving human life comes first, always.”

The disciple looked between them, clearly completely confused. Clearly all his effort had been spent on developing the muscles in his arms (quite nice) rather than his brain (quite slow).

“What?” he said. “What’s happening?”

“We’re saving the sect,” Nie Mingjue announced happily, clapping his hands together. Too precious, too precious entirely; she’d have to make sure no one else even thought about going near her darling little snackling. “Tell everyone to prepare to evacuate.”

“That will take too long,” she said, and smiled, with teeth. “Let me call some friends to help.”

-

When the Wen sect arrived at the Unclean Realm, they found the gate open.

That was unexpected enough, but when they entered, they found that the entire place had emptied out – not just of people, but of everything else, too. There wasn’t a single intact chair or table in the entire place, not a scrap of cloth nor a bit of food, like it’d been swept clean by locusts or wild monkeys come to pilfer whatever they could.

Even the paving stones where arrays had been laid out by the Nie sect’s ancestors had been pried up and carted away.

Sect Leader Wen ordered a search, but there wasn’t any trace of it – of the people, of the stuff, anything.

No one ever found out what happened.

-

Jin Guangyao despised social events, he’d found.

It was one thing when it was something he’d planned himself, where the work was interesting enough to distract him, but when he was an honored guest for someone else…miserable. Utterly miserable.

The only thing more miserable was when the host was his erstwhile father, from whom he’d forcefully extracted recognition. With Wen Ruohan as his backer, indulging his favorite torturer as if a beloved pet, there wasn’t much Jin Guangshan could do to refuse, and neither could he force Jin Guangyao to do anything on his behalf, either. And so Jin Guangyao, sitting as always by Wen Ruohan’s side, right beneath his sons, was now an honored guest at his father’s house, getting offered his pick of prostitutes as if the man had no notion of the irony.

Maybe he didn’t. Jin Guangyao couldn’t quite tell if his father had just forgotten his origins, thinking his bastard son too unimportant to remember the details of, or whether it was meant as a deliberate insult – who could tell?

“Oh, right,” the simpering idiot in front of him, a nephew or cousin of some sort to the sect leader, said. “Our dear Jin Guangyao is known not to like the gentle flower queens, even when they come from the finest houses in Lanling. Isn’t that right, cousin?”

Jin Guangyao’s fists clenched. A deliberate insult, then.

Despite that, his face remained neutral. Instead, he chuckled and said, “The appeal is limited. After all, I have seen the best of them.”

Beside him, Wen Ruohan nodded and smirked. He appreciated Jin Guangyao’s devotion to his mother, though Jin Guangyao suspected it was because he thought it funny that Jin Guangyao would bother to honor such a lowly woman – but what he thought didn’t matter, not really. All that mattered was that he let Jin Guangyao pay his respects to her to his heart’s content.

“Well, you’re in luck!” the idiot Jin Zixun said, looking absurdly smug. “We have something of a different flavor than the usual tonight – we’ve invited entertainment from the local branch of Splendid Spring.”

Jin Guangyao barely managed to avoid rolling his eyes.

The Splendid Spring Palace was a series of brothels that had popped up fully formed just about everywhere some years back, with madams and girls and musicians and bodyguards of all sorts. It was so patently a political move that Jin Guangyao had barely bothered to pay attention to it once he’d become actually powerful, and Wen Ruohan hadn’t paid attention to it at all. After all, in the unlikely event that the business really was backed by a cultivation sect that didn’t care about its face any longer, anyone who needed to use such a façade to gather power was clearly beneath notice.

Jin Guangyao had paid only very little attention, but to different and unusual aspects of the place: by all accounts, they were surprisingly decent employers as far as places like that went. They didn’t steal girls or accept unwilling goods – they had some connection with the merchant caravans, or at least one of the companies that helped coordinate routes and provide protection to such things, and they were as meticulous about checking things over as they were about seeking refunds if they were dissatisfied – and they did accept married girls fleeing unhappy marriages, which not everyone did. They did buy up all the girls in the local markets wherever they were, but they swept them away and brought them back transformed, even the ones that wouldn’t sell because they were too ugly; Jin Guangyao assumed that meant they had people who were talented in make-up and clothing, since the usual rumors of the girls being blessed with a yao’s enchantment were obviously ridiculous and nothing more than the usual marketing gimmicks that brothels since time immemorial had tried.

Even once they had the girls in hand, the places were pretty decent: they had physicians on staff to help with the usual side effects of the business, made sure their girls were clean and healthy, and were said to even limit the number of customers a girl would be obliged to take on in a given evening…honestly, knowing as he did the brothel business, Jin Guangyao sometimes wondered how they’d managed to bespell enough people to even make money in the early days. At any rate, whatever they’d done, it’d worked, because by now they had a solid enough reputation to trade on.

In short: a decent enough place, far better than the usual run of the mill. Once he’d had the ability to do so, he’d even pulled a few strings and arranged for the better of his mother’s old compatriots to end up there, since he couldn’t convince them to leave their old professions behind entirely.

Anyway, if they also seemed to have a sideline in information brokering and assassinations, well, let them. In the cultivation world, where the only thing that mattered was strength, real strength.

A little thing like that wouldn’t make any real difference.

Or so Jin Guangyao had thought.

He found himself re-thinking that, though, when the entertainment in question came out. There were the usual set of attractive (albeit in a wider variety of shapes and sizes than usually seen) dancers, dressed up in silks that seemed actually high quality, and plenty of strapping young men carrying sabers – dancers as well, once assumed, to provide some spice to the entertainment, and implicitly on the offer for men who cut their sleeves or women with more flexibility, like widows or ones with especially permissive husbands. Wen Ruohan’s wives were in that latter category, and they were already whispering to each other excitedly, looking at them.

They’d even brought in the local madame, who was…

Well, she was actually breathtaking, even by Jin Guangyao’s extremely jaded standards. She had hair that fell almost all the way to her ankles, shimmering in the light, and dark eyes shining with liveliness, a smooth and ageless face that simultaneously suggested youth and health but also winked at knowable experience, the features characteristic of what his mother’s employers had called the ‘fox-face’. As if to emphasize that, the lady was wrapped in fox-fur and draped in embroidered brocade, with little stylized foxes running up and down the hems of her clothing and along the gazy silk draped on her shoulders.

It ought to have looked absurd, looked gaudy and overwrought and overdone, but it didn’t.

She was a thousand dreams of wealth and beauty and power and sex appeal all wrapped up in one, and even Jin Guangyao – who was in his personal preferences quite firmly a cutsleeve – couldn’t help but intrigued by her, wondering what it might be like to touch the hem of such a glorious creature.

And next to her…

The lady was accompanied by two men that seemed completely different from each other. One was a slender and winsome young man, fluttering his eyelashes from behind a fan with a charming smile, emanating the appeal of softness and weakness, ready to be indulged. While the other…

Jin Guangyao swallowed.

He was the exact opposite of the first man. Clearly strong, muscular and powerful, and tall to the point of towering, with wide shoulders and a narrow waist, a chest that you could lean your head against and an ass that begged to have someone’s hands on it – and there were his hands, big and broad, perfect for holding someone down or up if they so wished and of a size that was very promising as to what was only hinted at under his clothes. His face was hidden behind a veil as if he were a woman, marking him, like his comrade, as one of the available courtesans of the Splendid Spring, but his body was visible under clothing clearly cut to put it to the best advantage.

And oh, what advantages it had…!

“It seems we found something to the tastes of dear cousin Guangyao after all,” the idiot said mockingly, sniggering and snorting like the pig he was, and for once Jin Guangyao didn’t even care.

“Who’s the woman in front?” Wen Ruohan asked, ignoring their interplay. He seemed utterly fascinated, almost spellbound, and Jin Guangyao couldn’t blame him one bit. If this woman had been at the same brothel as his mother, there wouldn’t have even been room for jealousy or shame; his mother would have gone straight up to her to ask for some tips. “She seems…familiar, somehow.”

“That’s the madame of the Splendid Spring,” Jin Zixun said proudly, as if he’d done anything at all in relation to this – nonsense, of course. Everyone know which brothels were backed by the Jin sect, and Splendid Spring wasn’t one of them. He was acting as if he deserve a pat on the back just for the introduction! “That means she’s not for sale.”

His smile faded a little, twisting in a small bit of bitterness. “Or so she told my uncle, anyway…although I’m sure if it were Sect Leader Wen asking, the answer would undoubtedly be different.”

Probably because Jin Guangshan couldn’t slaughter prostitutes with impunity if they said no to him, whereas no one could stop Wen Ruohan from doing any damn thing he pleased.

Wen Ruohan grunted, pleased by the answer – he was a possessive man, in the rare events that he did exert himself in the realm of women, and there had been more than one instance where he’d stolen away some girl his sons had been eyeing first just for the joy of having had her first – and raised a hand, catching the lady’s eye and gesturing for her to come over, which she did.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

She laughed. “You can call me Hu Jiuwei. With the ‘Hu’ being the character for fox.”

Jin Guangyao tried not to choke. There were false names and then there were false names – the lady’s theme was already clearly related to foxes, given her fox-face and fox-fur lining and the foxes embroidered onto her robes. Was the over-the-top name really necessary?

“It’s a fake name,” she added, unnecessarily.

“I see,” Wen Ruohan said, sounding a little choked himself. Possibly it was the woman calling herself ‘Foxy Ninetails’ and then kindly reassuring them all that the name was false as if she thought them too dumb to figure it out that was tripping him up a little. Jin Guangyao couldn’t tell if she was doing it deliberately in order to make her frankly inhuman beauty a little less frightening, or maybe she was blessed with so much beauty that she hadn’t bothered to cultivate her brain at all. “Are you our entertainment for the evening?”

She smiled, and any complaints Jin Guangyao (or indeed Wen Ruohan) might have had about her intelligence faded away at once.

It was that type of smile.

You could wreck nations with that type of smile. Jin Guangyao couldn’t help but wonder: how had a woman this extraordinary ended up in a brothel, of all places? How had no one snatched her up to keep her all for himself before now?

“My sons and I –” she gestured at the two behind her, “– would be more than happy to provide you with all the entertainment you could possibly want.”

Her smile widened.

“We’ve been hoping for an opportunity like this for a long time.”

[wistsandmagic]

Autistic here too! Perdue makes dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets with vegetables hidden in them. They are literally the best chicken nuggets I have ever tasted in my life. And they are an excellent way to get your veggies, especially when you don't have the spoons to manage to cook. You can cook these in the microwave. 2 minutes and you have good, hot chicken nuggets that are NOT SOGGY in the microwave. Sure, they're not as crispy as they would be if you put 'em in the oven, but they are NOT SOGGY. THEY DO NOT HAVE BAD TEXTURE. And again, they're really good tasting. ALSO. Y'all. I cannot sing the praises of baby food pouches enough. Find yourself some Gerber, some Happy Tots/Happy Baby, some Sprout. Those are all brands I can safely vet for being good mixes of fruit and vegetables that have the texture of applesauce or yogurt and they TASTE GOOD. Yeah, you need to eat a few of them at a time, but get a VARIETY, you won't get tired of them that way. Personally, my favourite is the pear, raspberry, and butternut squash one from Happy Tot, but there are quite a few that have spinach or beets in them that I like too, across the brands, and the spinach ones are NOT GROSS.

Gerber even makes a 'southwest black bean' one that is more savoury that tastes like some really good tortilla soup in applesauce form, and it's GOOD.

Seriously, look into baby food pouches if you are struggling to find vegetables that you can tolerate the taste of. Get the ones that are mixed with fruits. Try a few, see what you like. Also, if you're like me and are allergic to half of everything under the sun, baby food pouches have exactly what they say on the tin in them. No hidden ingredients. They are EXACTLY what they say they are, usually with lemon juice added as the single 'preservative'. Otherwise there are ZERO preservatives, nothing hidden. They make my life so much easier.

i mean this in the gentlest way possible: you need to eat vegetables. you need to become comfortable with doing so. i do not care if you are a picky eater because of autism (hi, i used to be this person!), you need to find at least some vegetables you can eat. find a different way to prepare them. chances are you would like a vegetable you hate if you prepared it in a stew or roasted it with seasoning or included it as an ingredient in a recipe. just. please start eating better. potatoes and corn are not sufficient vegetables for a healthy diet.

[pastafossa]

YOUR CUPCAKES LOOK ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE I LOVE THEM! I also love to bake and wonder if you have any favorite recipes or designs of yours that you recommend?

THANK YOU SO MUCH FELLOW BAKING ANON! 🥰 Cupcakes are just my favorite thing to bake and decorate EVER, I've made so many and I'm guilty of crawling pinterest to find new ones to try constantly!

Design wise, some Shark Bite Cupcakes are always a HUGE hit and are one of my favorites! The recipe says put strawberry jam inside but I like to do them with a raspberry jam instead (I use a jar of low sugar raspbery preserves so you get a more tart contrast to the sugary buttercream). It's hilarious to watch people's expression when they hit the little cored section, pull back to see the 'blood' jam, and start laughing.

Cupcake unicorns are adorable so I used the design on this unicorn cupcake recipe for it, but used my own recipes for both the cupcake and frosting since I wasn't sure if I'd like theirs. Bonus - fill batter with sprinkles and add EDIBLE GLITTER on top! This is also where my three color piping bag comes in handy!

My other favorite design, as someone who grew up living near Disneyland and LOVED the Haunted Mansion, is graveyard cupcakes for Halloween! Standard chocolate base, choco buttercream frosting, sprinkle crushed oreo cookies for dirt - then buy a pack of candy tombstones and bones (I stumbled across mine at Michael's, and knew I had to cupcake them 😂) and write funny names (Collin Sick, Noah Scape, Barry M. Deep) or cheesy rhymes on the tombstones just like at Disney (@wonderlandmind4 you might like these too 😆). Stick the little bones up out of the dirt, and you're good to go for Halloween!

Recipe wise I have some absolute workhorses I go back to over and over!

Vanilla buttercream frosting recipe 1 (but swap milk for whipping cream if possible) and vanilla buttercream frosting recipe 2. The first is a little sweeter than #2, so I switch back and forth based on what type of cupcake and/or filling I'm using! I love these and I've used these as bases for a lot of my flavored frosting - apple cider, pumpkin spice, coffee, PB. They work SO well and are so easy and quick to make!

Chocolate buttercream recipe! The espresso powder just YES. And depending on season I add a bit of cinnamon instead of espresso.

If I'm in a hurry or don't have from scratch ingredients and am using box mix for cupcakes, I use this recipe to improve it! So far no one's noticed when I sometimes switch to box mix (used to bake a lot for church on sundays)!

These chocolate cherry cookies are SO FUCKING GOOD! I've tried it with all kinds of cherries and it's GREAT, although I'd advise frosting *after* cause melting in the oven sometimes occurs.

I LITERALLY had people emailing me after doing these apple cider cupcakes.

[meaniezuchinni]

I've been paying attention to those around me who have good suggestions, doing a lot of lurking in online autistic & adhd spaces and I'm happy to share what I've heard & what works for me. May I present....

"Some ideas on how to eat: a guide for autistics by a fellow autistic person"

Buy snack sized/small packages (in bulk if possible) of your favourite snacks. -Bonus points for things like baby carrots, nuts/things of that nature and things with less preservatives/less processed food in general. Easy, snack sized packages can be perfect for when you need food but have no spoons for any type of prep.

Buy extra of your favourite non-perishables. Canned soup if that's your thing. Cereal. Granola. Peanut butter. Crackers. Whatever your preference and whenever you can afford to (especially if there's a sale) buy extra safe foods!!

Eating literally anything is better than eating nothing. Do your best not to starve yourself.

On the note of accidentally not eating/not understanding body cues: do your best to eat around the same time every day. Brain will notice (or set alarm, put up sticky notes or some form of reminder of routine) "oh its past/around 9am, I should eat something". (Pick 3 times that work for you, throw in 2 snacks if you can).

Alternately: if you *can* tell when you're hungry just eat when your hungry. Don't worry if it's "The right time", if you're hungry eat. If you're thirsty, drink water (or something, really anything (bonus points for no/low-sugar) is better than being dehydrated) .

If one form/preparation of a food is YUCK for you, be open to trying different ways of preparation sometimes. Especially if you struggle with fruit & veg, sometimes an alternate state may be doable for you. *this one isn't always easy, but try things when safe & with ability to safely deal with the experience/emotions/reactions that may come up if the food is still a YuCK, and that's ok.

Smoothies can be so amazing. Pop on those noise cancelling headphones, fill up the blender with fruits you like or even add some veggies (carrots are sweet. So are red peppers. Beets are also sweet but taste a bit more like earth. Spinach doesn't change the flavour too much, especially if there's banana or raspberry covering the flavour). Bonus points for adding chia seeds or flax seeds or protein powder. Cater the smoothie to your sensory preferences: add extra liquid if need be and blend the crap out of it. Strain it if you can't do seeds from fruit.

if you can afford it, don't be ashamed for ordering food delivery when you can't make food. If you need to budget for extra delivery (of fully cooked meals or of your groceries or whatever) don't be ashamed, and be conscious of that budget.

if you like to do the cooking but hate the cutting and measuring etc, try a meal prep service If you can afford it. It takes out some of the work and provides you with the meal plans so you don't have to think about it as much. (This is often for the more adventurous of us/sensory seeking, because I believe you get a lot of variety of dishes, but can likely also add preferences and probably even favourite meals).

Ask for help. Whether it's making meals or going to the grocery store, ask someone you live with, a caregiver or a friend etc to help you out or body double. Sometimes it's even just a text of encouragement that may make the difference. Social things are hard, be kind and clear and ask your supporter to be kind and clear with you.

protein/meal replacement drinks are a valid choice for sustenance

having an apron or other "uniform" for cooking/kitchen tasks can really help with the transition of "doing the kitchen thing". (On that note, rubber gloves for dishes. Or just rubber/disposable gloves for yucky food prep that's sensory bad for you can be a good idea too)

Yes, you do need to drink water. Herbal teas are good. Sugarless/caffeine free drinks are good, too. If you can't so flat water, try bubbles. If you can't do tap, try a filter for your fridge or your tap or buy bottled water if really necessary. Juice is still better than nothing, but try for low sugar or cut it with water, at least.

Frozen food is your friend. Here's a site that has lists on how long food is good in the freezer for .

Pre-made freezer meals are still better than nothing.

Ready to go frozen food that you just heat up is still better than not eating.

It's ok to have safe foods. It's ok to be a "picky" eater.

If you're sensory seeking & have a hard time with telling when you're full or not, eating may be a stim. Try chewlery. Or try intense mints or gum. (Careful with gum, it can really hurt your jaw with long-term use)

If you're not getting enough nutrients because of what you eat (or don't eat), supplement that with vitamins if you can do that. Buy ensure or pedialite. Get some vitamins & minerals up in your body in any way you can. Whole foods ate "better" for most bodies to deal with & get nutrients from, but any source of vitamins & minerals is better than none!

Remember: eating anything 3x a day is better than eating nothing all day eating anything 1x a day is better than eating nothing all day!

If anyone has other disability specific advice in this area, please feel free to add it. I'm sure I've forgotten something I've heard or read or tried. This got long... whoops.

We as a society need an autism health and fitness guide. I have really strong ARFID and disabilities that are more common when you are also autistic. Having better advice and tips that aren't just "meal prep the fuck outta your life" or "starve" would be nice.

[therenlover]

How The Evans (+ Quicksilver) Would React To Yoplait’s New Gushers Yogurt

a/n: I don’t honestly know how I came up with this. I guess I just really liked the yogurt I bought (I have big Gilear Faeth vibes rn) and decided I wanted to share it with all the Evans and you guys. I hope you enjoy and, like, maybe go buy some if you’re intrigued.

Warnings: Mild language, very small non-graphic mention of murder, recreational drug usage (Tate is a stoner, sue me)

--------

Tate Langdon

Because he died as a teen in the early 90′s, Tate would be a big fan of the types of crazy, super processed and flashy snacks that came out of that era.

Tate pretty much lived on 3D Doritos and Crystal Pepsi before his death. He still misses Dunkaroos.

He also has the biggest appetite of any ghost in the house because when he smokes he gets phantom munchies, so he sneaks into the kitchen and steals snacks to fulfill his cravings.

His first encounter with gushers yogurt would be on a snack run for the two of you while you were both zooted to high hell. 

He would return almost entirely snackless, fully fixated on the little yellow cup in his hand. 

“What the hell is this?” “Uh, yogurt?” “No, it’s not just yogurt, it’s weird!”

You’d finally look up from your place on the bed to find Tate in the doorway, red eyed, giving the yogurt cup a thousand yard stare.

Tate would be extremely confused because as far as he knew gushers were filled fruit snacks and definitely did NOT belong inside yogurt.

“Does it have gushers in it or something? Because that sounds awful,” “Kind of? It’s like... well, it would be easier to show you than to explain it. Did you bring a spoon?”

Of course he hadn’t.

When he did return with a spoon the two of you shared it.

Unsurprisingly, Tate didn’t hate it. It was a little weird, but overall it reminded him of the rare good times he had when he was still alive and the house hadn’t fully sunk it’s claws into him yet.

His favorite flavor is green apple. It just matches his vibe. 

Kit Walker

Kit is a man with pretty old fashioned values. He’s the kind of person who believes that he should be able to provide for his family so you don’t have to work. He also thinks it’s important for you to spend time with the kids because he’s gone at work so much.

This whole situation combined with the fact that money was a little tight led to you taking Thomas and Julia with you whenever you had to run errands and they weren’t at school.

One such time you were grocery shopping. That’s when they found the gushers yogurt.

 Kids have an eye for sweet things. Any food labelled like a dessert will make them go crazy, even if it’s just a flavored yogurt. 

In the end you bought a few. They were cheap enough that they didn’t make a huge difference to your budget and they were perfect to go in the kids lunches. 

Only the next morning did you realize that when you got the kids their yogurts you forgot to get Kit his own plain ones to put in his lunch. You mulled over your options and, in the end, decided to give Kit one of the gushers ones in his lunch pail for work. it’s just flavored yogurt, what could go wrong?

A lot, apparently.

At around lunch time you got a call from Kit at the shop.

“Mrs. Walka’, I believe I might have picked up the wrong lunch today,”

You’d immediately ask him what was wrong before remembering the yogurt.

“Nope, that’s yours Kit,” “Sweetheart, you’re killing me,” “Did I forget a spoon?”

Kit would explain, after some laughter, that the guys at the auto shop were giving him shit about the ‘kids yogurt’ in his lunch.

If you tried to apologize he’d stop you. It was all the same to him, he just wanted to make sure he hadn’t taken one of the kid’s lunches accidentally.

You’d laugh about it later as a bright spot in what ended up to be a long and tedious day for the both of you.

Besides that one occasion Kit wouldn’t eat gushers yogurt often, but sometimes if he was home during breakfast he’d have a cup of it with his cereal or toast.

He’s a fan of the classics, so his favorite flavor is tropical punch.

Kyle Spencer

Before his death, Kyle wouldn’t have any strong feelings towards gushers yogurt besides liking that it was a cheap snack that went on sale a lot.

As a broke college student with a calcium deficiency, he would appreciate it for what it was, a sweet means to an end.

After his death, though, it would be a different story.

Franken-Kyle had to re-learn all of his basic life skills from the ground up after the accident, which meant chewing food and not choking weren’t things he knew how to do automatically

In the time while he still couldn’t eat by himself, you fed him a lot of yogurt.

Most of the time it was cheaper and more pleasant that the baby food or health puree alternatives. It also was a food he had eaten pretty regularly when he was alive, so you thought it might make him happy to have some sense of normalcy in his new world.

He enjoyed the gushers yogurt particularly for a few reasons.

For one, it had fun colors! The bright reds, blues, and greens were entertaining and more mentally stimulating than the normal neutral colors of his food. It was also sweet, kind of like a dessert instead of a meal.

The big selling point, though, was the popping bubbles inside.

For a while after his death all Kyle ate were smooth semi-liquid foods he couldn’t possibly choke on while he re-learned how to feed himself. Gushers yogurt, though, had little popping bubbles that added texture while also not being large enough to choke on.

It was a win-win for both of you.

Even once Kyle had regained his ability to chew and eat normally, he still liked to have gushers yogurt with his breakfast.

“Bu...bbles,” “Huh?” “I want....bubbles” “Oh! You want the yogurt with the bubbles, Ky? I’ll get it in a second,” 

He wouldn’t have the words to express it, but the real reason Kyle likes gushers yogurt and continues to eat it is that it reminds him of you and the time you spent together while you taught him how to live again. 

His favorite is blue raspberry by a large margin. He enjoys tropical punch too, but he dislikes green apple.

Jimmy Darling

Jimmy has very few opinions when it comes to food. To him, eating is just something he has to do to keep himself alive and performing, so he doesn’t put much thought into what and when he eats, even at the diner.

When you first met him, he was barely eating one good meal a day just because he was so busy. 

So, one of the things you started to do when you and Jimmy got closer was bring him little snacks throughout the day he could eat quickly to keep him going.

They weren’t huge things, just an apple here and a sandwich there, but Jimmy really appreciated you putting in the effort to search him out and keep him healthy.

 The gushers yogurt would be introduced, once again, because it’s super inexpensive. 

You were out shopping for Jimmy’s snacks when you found it on sale, 20 for $10. It was a great deal, and Jimmy’s diet was severely lacking in calcium, so you bought a bunch of different flavors and brought one to him as a trial-run the next day after a performance.

“Hey dollface, you got something for me?” “I just might,” 

Only after he swept you up into a crushing hug would you be able to offer him the yogurt, which he’d take gratefully and eat in less than a minute. 

You took this as a good sign, and ended up buying some for Jimmy whenever it was on sale.

He asked you about why you bought them once and you genuinely couldn’t give him an answer. You just thought they were an easy snack and found they were on sale a lot more often than other things were.

Jimmy doesn’t have a favorite flavor, but if you asked him he’d just respond with whatever your favorite was.

James Patrick March

James Patrick March doesn’t usually have strong feelings about trivial things. As a serial killer and a ghost, small strange details of life in the 21st century just aren’t important enough for him to care about. Even modern foods with all of their artificial dyes and preservatives don’t tend to bother him. Well, all except one...

He fully believes that gushers yogurt is the worst, most evil thing that man has ever created in history, including himself.

It is entirely irrational how much he hates it.

The weirdest part is that he doesn’t mind how it tastes, he just has a random grudge against it by principle.

The first time he saw it was after Liz picked some up for you while she was out getting some groceries for the hotel.

James had come into the habit of asking you to make him grocery lists so the hotel had foods you enjoyed ever since the hoover stew incident. This time you had asked for something sweet you could eat as a snack between meals. Liz ended up picking out the gushers yogurts along with a few other little snacks

When you ran down to the kitchen to help Liz and Iris put the groceries away you grabbed a cup and ended up taking it upstairs so you could eat something while you were reading in bed.

It just so happens that James was finishing up with some office work and walked into your room right as you ate a spoonful of the bright blue yogurt. 

He was, to say the very least, concerned. 

Why was it that color? Food is not supposed to be that color???? And what were those little lumps?

While he fussed over your health, you held out your spoon and offered him a bite. He was skeptical at first, and his fears were only confirmed when he accepted the bite.

His delicate 1920′s tastebuds couldn’t take it.

“Darling, how do you eat that slop?” “James, it’s just yogurt!” “That is not yogurt, it’s an affront to the universe,”

Never one to back down in the face of James, you asked Liz to keep buying them every time she went out for groceries

Things were quiet until, a few months later, you found James standing over a recent kill eating a gushers yogurt.

“Darling, this isn’t what it looks like,” “I think it’s exactly what it looks like,” “There wasn’t anything else in the fridge,” “James, you’re dead. You don’t have to eat,” “...drat,”

James is adamant that he doesn’t have a favorite flavor because he hates it.... but its actually tropical punch.

Rory Monahan 

Rory normally wouldn’t feel any which way about gushers yogurt.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a goof and has nothing against eating fun little dessert yogurt, there’s just no reason for him or you to buy and eat it.

But if he got a brand deal with Yoplait to advertise it?

Count him in.

You’re eating gushers yogurt with every meal while he vlogs.

Breakfast? Yup. Lunch? Yup. Dinner? Yup.

Oh, you’re getting a snack? Well the only snack Rory bought when he ran out to the store is gushers yogurt. 

It’s all over his social media.

He ends up becoming the face of Yoplait and does quite a few primetime commercials, which surprisingly help out with his career. Think what Shaq is the The General Auto Insurance. 

“Now with new popping bubbles that gush with roarin’ fruity flavor,” “pffffft!” “What! It’s paying our bills!” 

Despite being surrounded by gushers yogurt, Rory wouldn’t actually have a favorite flavor. Once you eat that much yogurt it all tastes exactly the same.

Kai Anderson

Kai... well Kai is a tough one, as usual.

He’s not someone who likes to be perceived as weak, and what’s weaker than a man who’s seen eating flavored yogurt made for kids?

Well, a lot of things, but Kai’s toxic masculinity doesn’t let him see that.

In his eyes, gushers yogurt is simply not befitting of the divine ruler.

If you were close enough to him to offer some in a private moment, he’d probably find some way to use it in a weird, extended metaphor about the world in the hopes of manipulating you.

“In this world there’s people like me, like this yogurt, and people like you, fragile bubbles waiting to burst and spread your issues to the people who can still be saved. People like me cushion-” “Oh shut up and eat your yogurt, Kai,” 

Kai doesn’t have a favorite flavor, but kind of like James he’s only being pretentious. Who knew divine rulers are above picking favorite flavors?

Peter Maximoff

Peter would be the most on-board of anybody on the gushers yogurt trend. Like, even more on board than Kyle. 

This man uses a loooot of energy while he’s running around, so he needs super sugary foods like twinkies to be around for his inevitable snackfests at random hours of the day.

He also loves junk food. At one point you started wondering whether the X-gene prevented Peter from getting cavities, because he eats more sugar than anybody else you know. 

You like to go shopping with Peter because it keeps him from stealing (well, keeps him from stealing as much, but that’s beside the point) and even though he acts like a literal child whenever you make him come with you, he appreciates slowing down and spending time doing something you like.

Usually he gets bored easily in the “healthy food” aisles at the grocery store, meaning anything that isn’t the soda, chips, or snack aisles, but during a random trip to the store he suddenly rushed off out of your sight while you were in the dairy aisle picking up cottage cheese.

When he came back a second later, his arms were full of yogurt.

“Peter, what are you doing?” “Have you seen these? Look at the flavors! They have starburst, and key lime pie, and gushers with popping beads!!!! Popping! Beads!”

You would try to insist that he didn’t need to buy that much yogurt, especially because he hadn’t tried it before and didn’t know if he’d like it, but Peter would give you his world famous puppy dog eyes and you’d give in. 

From then on he’d have gushers yogurt (and starburst yogurt, to be honest) in his mini-fridge most of the time.

You didn’t mind. Technically it was healthier than his twinkie addiction, so as long as your speedster was getting calcium in his diet you weren’t about to complain.

He probably has stronger bones than Wolverine with all the yogurt he eats.

His favorite flavor is green apple, but he’d say it’s blue raspberry to go with his aesthetic. 

[obeymedreams]

Sweet as You

Author’s notes: I’m salty that the event will not give me Lucifer and Luke’s card so instead I’m replacing it with sweet headcanons about the essence of the datables’ kisses and what chocolates you’d give, plus a little bit about how you and Luke teamed up to make them! 

Content warning: food, chocolate, candy

Length: 2.4 K

Lucifer

You make a coffee bonbon for Lucifer. The shell is dark chocolate with two streaks of colour painted on—one in your favourite colour and another in his. The filling is an espresso ganache that highlights the bitterness of chocolate and coffee while ensuring the bonbon is never too sweet

Lucifer is both impressed with the flavour and the obvious care you’ve put into crafting this confection. He offers to prepare some drinks so you two can enjoy the chocolate together

Kissing Lucifer is being swept up in each other. It feels like passing by each other in castle walls, then hiding behind pillar to exchange impassioned kisses and whispers of love. The world might be continuing around you, but in that moment only the two of you matter

Lucifer feels clarity when kissing you. Everything else melts away and all that is left is the feeling of your lips and the warmth of your love. Your kisses contain an oasis and Lucifer finally feels like he can relax

Mammon

Mammon gets a fancy gold leaf bonbon that has a glossy shine. And to his delight you’ve gifted him liquor chocolate filled with an expensive Demonus that’s all the rage lately

Naturally, Mammon enjoys the chocolates because they’re fancy. However, the real reason he adores them is that they are proof that, to you, he is someone worth splurging on in both effort and money

Kisses with Mammon are messy and unexpected yet both of you feel like you’ve waited forever for this. The first taste of you isn’t enough, and Mammon becomes addicted pretty quickly. It’s a rush, like betting on a rolling dice or a flip of a card while on a winning streak. He feels like he’s losing all good sense yet so sure this is the right decision

His love for you is neither neat nor compartmentalized and neither are his kisses. It’s bubbling affection that he just can’t contain anymore. No matter how many lies he verbalizes, the blush on his visage and the way he greedily steals kiss after kiss says enough

Levi

You craft a chocolate treat based of a scene in TSL! There was a cute scene between Henry and the Lord of the Shadows where they eat chocolates, sharing one last sweet moment before having to part. You decide to recreate it by creating milk chocolate bonbons with a salted caramel filling, making sure to use a mold which creates the right shape!

Levi is floored. He knows EXACTLY which scene these chocolates are from, down to the page and line numbers. He simply gawks for a while and then proceeds to basically have a photoshoot. When he finally takes a bite, you can see the way his face lights up and it’s worth all the effort

Kisses with Levi are an adventure with ups and downs, bumps in the road, but a treasure chest at the end. When you first kiss him, he’s a blushing mess with brain working overtime to suppress his fight or flight instinct. But in spite of himself, Levi leans in and trusts you because no one treats him with this tenderness

His world is still small, aside from his brothers and Lotan, everything he loves could probably be contained in his room. But your kisses expand his horizons and maybe he thinks it’d be worth it to explore the world a little more, even if it leaves him vulnerable

Satan

You make Satan a combination of brigadeiros and mint discs for Valentine’s day! He enjoys that you’ve made chocolate confections but veered outside the classic bonbons. Satan likes the soft and chewy textures of the brigadeiros in contrast with the crunchy sprinkles and the unique texture of sugared mint atop dark chocolate discs

Satan happily opens the box of chocolate. He admires them for a bit and compliments you on their appearance before popping one in his mouth. He feels both loved and a little smug, Satan knows a bit about chocolate confections, enough that he’s certain you’ve put quite a bit of effort into this, which makes it all the more sweet

Lay on compliments about how he’s just as sweet as the chocolate, perhaps referencing a book he’s reading, and how all that work was worth it for his sake and you might get him blushing

Kisses with Satan are like browsing a library—the nostalgic smell of old books combined with excitement of discovering new worlds contained in pages. You’ve had more kisses with Satan than you can count, but even with that familiarity, you feel like you’re uncovering something new each time your lips meet

Asmo

Asmo knows the value of appearance so you ensure your chocolates look just as good as they taste. You make white chocolate disc in the shape of hearts and adorn them with sugared petals. Additionally, you create passionfruit bonbons with cute heart indents which look picture perfect.

Asmo takes a selfie with you while you each hold a chocolate confection. Sweets for your sweetheart!~ It’s cute. 

But then you bring up how you chose passionfruit for its refreshing taste, so its easy to continually eat the chocolates, because just like the bonbons you’ll never get sick of him! It’s such a small detail but it warms his heart and suddenly you’re trapped in a hug

Asmo’s kisses don’t neatly fit into any single category. He is sweet, masterful and practiced, playful and lets you take the lead, but he is always sincere in his affection to you. Kisses are one of many ways to reaffirm your love

His kisses are like eating an assorted box of chocolates. One kiss is light and flirty, the next is sensual and stroking desire, then another which is teasing and light while interspersed with giggles. Yet all of them leave you with a sweet feeling

Beel

You make Beel a big pile of semi-sweet chocolate bark with variety of toppings, one has freeze dried raspberries, another has almonds, some use hellfire peppers, it’s a whole buffet

Beel plants a kiss on your forehead and thanks you so much for the gift! He begins to dig in to the treats you’ve made and has an endearing content grin the entire time he wolfs the chocolate down. He does his best to remember to offer you a bite too!

Many of Beel’s kisses start off as innocent fondness and true devotion. He loves you and you can feel it in the way he holds you close to him and devours all the affection you give. 

But many of his kisses turn hungry, because he can never get enough of you, the taste of your lips, your sweet moans, the way your hands roam, the puffs of hot breaths, they all never fail to leave him wanting more. His kisses feel satisfying and fulfilling, because you get to indulge to your heart’s content

Belphie

You make Belphie coconut oil chocolates! They’re so easy to eat, he doesn’t even need to chew. You have to be careful to not melt them when making and handle the individual morsels, but it’s worth it all in the end

You surprise him by popping the chocolate into his mouth! You’re lucky he trusts you, if it was anyone else he’d probably have spit it out. It’s easy to bite through and melts to spread a pleasant chocolate taste across his mouth.

Probably muttered something under his breath, but he makes sure to thank you for the gift too, even if he is a little blasé about it. At least these ones aren’t dusty

Belphie’s kisses are lazy little things with missed lips and little laughs, huffs of air, and that smirk that makes you want to kiss him stupid until he can’t pretend to be relaxed. Random pecks in the morning, between naps, before bed, but if you ever ask why, the answer is “just because”

Occasionally your kisses are salvation and desperation. No life, no relationship, no person is without turbulence. Your hot breaths prove you’re alive and breathing, the love your pour into him as your lips meet prove he is worthy of affection, and he doesn’t intend to let go

Diavolo

You make Diavolo white chocolate matcha bonbons! The inside is filled with a smooth matcha ganache that’s a brilliant shade of green. The shells are painted with the rough silhouette of your favourite flower. The matcha flavour helps balance out the sweetness of the white chocolate, making a delicious treat

Diavolo is delighted by the gift and compliments the taste! But he also enjoys the story that goes with it when you tell him your thought process, how matcha has become popular across the world in the human realm, and what human traditions are attached to the gifting of chocolates

He’s already plotting what he wants to give you in return, but for now he’ll enjoy your heart felt confection while making sure to give you a piece

Kisses with Diavolo are like fireworks. No matter how many times you see them, they never lose their brilliance. Even if they aren’t always in the sky, they bring you joy each time you see their bright colours and sparkling streaks

Diavolo intends to indulge you in kisses. Even the short ones, before meetings, after class, the domesticity tickles his heart. But Diavolo’s preference leans to long kisses where the two of you meld together. Everything is you, your unique scent, the way his name leaves your mouth, the way you hold onto him, your taste alone makes him want to dive deeper 

And why stop at one kiss? He should have another for good measure, maybe two, three, four—well now there’s no point counting so you might as well continue

Barbatos

You make strawberry shortcake inspired chocolates for Barbatos. The bonbon shell is made with ruby chocolate with the filling consisting of whipped white chocolate ganache and strawberry preserves. 

The several components merge together to make a sweet dessert and Barbatos appreciates how you use the novel ruby cocoa. Barbatos out of everyone knows how much work must have gone to create these bonbons and makes sure to both savour it and compliment you

Kisses with Barbatos are like sharing a secret. You get special access to a gateway into him, and in these kisses you create a special place just for the two of you

His kisses are almost dangerously good, you swear kissing didn’t always feel this good. But his intensity, the way it’s only the two of you, the mere privilege it is to have him whisper sweet words between gilded kisses, it makes it worth all the wait

Simeon

You make Simeon earl grey tea truffles! You coat the truffles with milk chocolate to create an easy to hold shell. Then you have stripes of dyed white chocolate — one in your favourite colour and another in his. 

Simeon thinks it’s adorable at how your chocolates have become a matching couple item with the coloured stripes. He thinks it’s lovely how you made him tea flavoured chocolate, given how many fond memories the two of you have which centre around a cup of tea

Simeon kisses make you feel treasured. He peppers your face is soft kisses, he cups your cheek gently, and the adoration in his eyes almost overwhelms your heart

His love is all encompassing and you’ve never felt safer than when you’re in his arms. Beautiful lashes fan his cheeks, contended sighs, and underlying warmth. Simeon feels like home and with his kisses, you’re falling in love again 

Solomon

You know Solomon likes cupcakes and poisoned apples so you decide to combine the two! You make him an apple cakepop coated in coloured white chocolate to look like a poisoned apple!

Unlike his cooking, your sweet tastes delicious and leaves the eater happy. You make sure to use granny smith apples to retain some tartness and Solomon happily eats the confection. 

Unfortunately, your sweetheart has also made sweets to express his love for you. Don’t let Solomon give you chocolates back or use a trick to dispose of them! It is not romantic to spend the day puking or sick in bed. Or hey, maybe true love is eating it knowing that it spells out nothing less than doom

Kisses with Solomon feel like an exploration. You get to know him bit by bit and each kiss feels like proof he is wiling to vulnerable with you. Some trips result in airy kisses, others feel like rocky days at sea filled with passion and you’re in danger of running out of breath, it’s always an adventure

Sometimes, you swear you can feel his lips form a smug smile. Other times, he approaches you so gently and the touch of hesitancy, like he can’t really believe he got you, makes you want to shower him with enough love to wash away all doubt. He holds you tight, to him you are warmth and intimacy, and he never wants to let go

Bonus: Making Chocolates with Luke

When making chocolates with Luke, it is best to be sweet with him, guide the angel with soft suggestions without sounding like you’re babying him. Generally, Luke is pretty amendable but he can have a stubborn streak if he feels like he has something to prove

He makes for chocolate confections for Barbatos, Simeon, Micheal, Solomon and you! It’s so cute to see him so excited when he thinks about how happy everyone will be when they receive the gift

You two go through many spoons to check if the chocolate is tempered, rapidly tapping the chocolate to see if it has that snap and sighing when it blooms

By the end of it, you two are a mess with chocolate smears on your apron, but you have nice assortment of shiny chocolate sweets

[justsomefluff]

OMG I LOVED that reaction you did, and the scenario like thing was really good!! I loved it, thank you!! Can I request another reaction (mini-scenario)? Like ATEEZ confessing to their crush while they (ATEEZ) are drunk? (San said Yeo does aegyo/is cute when drunk I'd like to see this ^^)

This is so cute, I would pay good money to see them tipsy no lie lmao. also this is fluff and crack at the same time so...I hope you like it lmao

Hongjoong:

(^ he’d do this during a drunk confession you cant change my mind ^)

Okay so when he’s drunk I feel like he sees himself as being really composed and cool

but in reality... not so much

and, even if he hadn’t been planning on confessing to you

oh boy, his body starts shaking a lil and you’re low-key like... 911?

like his body is telling him to ABORT MISSION but once his drunk brain has made the decision there's no going back

So, in his mind, this is what he’s saying out loud okay

“Y/n, I just wanted to let you know that I have some serious feelings for you. I know you may not feel the same way, but I just needed to tell you.”

Super awesome, everyone wishes to be that composed right?

Well here’s what he really said:

“Listen here, you cute mother-, no I shouldn’t swear at you, my bad. I’m totally in love with you right? Watchu think bout dat?”

and then he’s quiet, and smiling bc he’s proud of himself and you’re just like um????

like that’s not how you imagined this would go

But you also know that he’s gonna be super embarrassed about this in the morning so you just say

“Let’s talk tomorrow, Joongie?”

and he smiles at the nickname and nods and kinda puts his head down

You honestly cant wait to tell him you feel the same when he’s sober

and make fun of him for getting wasted

Seonghwa:

so Seonghwa, unlike Joong, is actually pretty composed

like at first, he’s wildin’ and everything

but then he just calms down super fast

like so fast you get whiplash

and he just smiles at you and you’re like “...freak”

then he frowns and he’s like “I like to look at pretty things that make me smile”

“You make me smile too, Hwa” :)

then he just grabs you into a hug and starts swaying you guys side to side

like some awkward and forced middle school slow-dance 

“What are you doing?”

and he shushes you to preserve the moment but you're like “I want answers”

then he finally leans his head down and his lips are brushing the shell of your ear so softly you barely notice

“I think I love you”

he strikes me as the kind of person who wants to confess but also isn’t ever 100% sure he wants to confirm that he loves you so he throws that “I think” in there to cushion the blow if you reject him

but, luckily for him, you do feel the same

you just turn your head ever so slightly to the side and peck his temple

he smiles and rests his head on your shoulder and squeezes your hips before wrapping his arms around you completely

“I kinda need to hear you say it”

“I think I love you too, Hwa”

Yunho:

okay this big ole baby right

I feel like he’s the kind of drunk who is crazy for a little bit but gets tired really fast

so after like an hour of insanity, his eyes are drooping and you’ve settled on a couch (or seat, wherever your location might be)

and he smooshes his cheek into your thigh and you’re totally aware that he’s gonna fall asleep on you

but you’re cool with that, I mean who wouldn’t be

and after a couple minutes of silence, you think he’s knocked out completely

he suddenly turns his head to look up at you

and you look down at him to ask if he’s okay, or if he needs anything

he just starts laughing and then this IDIOT

pokes your double chin (bc I mean why does he have to look at you from that angle) and goes “How is it that I like you so much, even your double chin is cute?”

part of you is like “omg he likes me” and the other part of you is like “...im gonna slap him. don't talk about my double chin”

so, given your inner turmoil, you're silent for a minute and he starts to pout

“you don’t like my double chin?” and he makes a double chin and grabs your hand to make you poke it

“say you like my double chin too, please”

“Yunho, I like you too... double chin and all” (you had decided that you are not going to slap him after all)

and thats kind of the end of the night bc after that crackhead confession he actually falls asleep

but you are lucky enough that he remembers it all the next morning and it becomes kind of a thing in your relationship to make double chins at each other then say “I love you” 

Yeosang:

drunk Yeosang and aegyo here we go

whiny baby voice and big eyes and pouting all the way

like he’s not so much into doing the cutesy actions like finger hearts and stuff

but refers to himself as “Sangie” and talks about himself in third person too

CLINGY

not necessarily cuddly, but always has to be holding your hand or else he’ll cry

calls you pet names like Jagi and my love and stuff

and at first you’re like aw he’s a cute drunk and tease him a little bit

but then he pouts even harder and murmurs “I'm serious”

you’re like O.O

“you mean it? you really like me, Sangie?”

nods his head furiously like you seriously think he’s gonna get a concussion for about .5 seconds

like okay I get it, you mean it, please stop doing that your head is not a maraca

“I like you too”

cue the biggest, goofiest, toothiest grin you’ve ever seen

makes big ole fishy lips at you, and points at them to ask for a kiss

so you just give him a quick peck, bc you don't really want either of you to be drunk for your first real kiss

but that satisfies him for the time being :)

San:

Sannie best boy, I cannot stress that enough

the sweetest lil drunk okay

tries to take care of you even though he’s the drunk one

thirsty? he’s gonna get up and get you a glass of whatever you want even if he spills half of it trying to give it to you

hungry? he’ll get you some if you agree to share

so halfway through a tub of ice cream he decides to lay some truth on you okay

“I like my ice cream like I like you”

and you, of course, having seen that meme, respond with “ugly?” and you cackle at your own joke

but he’s so offended

“apologize to yourself and this ice cream”

“wtf? why?”

“because ice cream is the second most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen after you. apologize”

literally holds the tub of ice cream up to your face, and will literally carve a sad face into the ice cream to make you apologize quicker

and when you apologize he eats the sad face and draws a smile

sentimental cheeseball is all he is in that moment okay

“you really think I’m pretty?”

he looks at you like “...duh”

“I think you’re pretty too, Sannie” and he smiles so big :’)

and both of you know that this would be the start of a really happy relationship aww

Mingi:

I bet Mingi is the cutest drunk okay like if you thought he was a giant puppy before get ready you aint seen nothin yet

and you don't even get a warning before he confesses bc he says it so out of the blue

like his whole plan was to drink some liquid courage iykyk and then he was gonna confess

but he ended up getting a lil more tipsy than originally intended

and he just blurts it out and he’s stuttering and lisping and just struggling to get all the right words out

but you just think it’s super endearing

“Minnie, are you drunk?”

he starts blowing raspberries in the air and starts shaking his head “you think I’m drunk?” 

literally hiccuping after every word lmao

like yes, Mingi, I think you're drunk

still blowing incredulous raspberries all over the place

and you blow one on his cheek and he starts giggling like the baby he is

“why you do that”

“bc I like you too, Minnie! also you were starting to spit and I needed you to stop that”

he giggles and nods at you, just happy that you feel the same way

nuzzles his head into your shoulder and plays with your fingers for the rest of the time youre together

Wooyoung:

okay he’s a crackhead already so I don't even think alcohol would be something he’s even offered most of the time lmao

but when he is all hell breaks loose

no subtlety about his confession at all

like he literally screams it at you

he had been paying extra attention to you all night, which you didn't even notice bc you liked him too and never imagined he felt the same

so you’re like he so friendly and clingy when he’s drunk

but five minutes later he’s like “DID YOU KNOW IM IN LOVE WITH YOU”

and you’re so taken aback because

1.) he just screamed in your face

2.) he just screamed that in your face

and then he’s quiet and just staring at you, waiting for a response

you’re so dumbfounded that all you say is “you too”

but thats enough for him

“GOOD THATS AWESOME”

and thats basically the end of the conversation bc he gets easily distracted

you have to remind him the next day that that conversation had even happened actually

and he’s like “oh yeahhhhh”

then you’re able to actually talk about what you both feel and be almost normal for about ten minutes lmao

Jongho:

since he’s on the quieter side compared to the rest of the group, I think this shows even more when he’s been drinking

but it’s almost concerning how quiet he is

like if you had never seen him drunk before you’d probably be really worried

and that’s exactly what happened

you went to check on him to see why he wasn't joining in the fun and he looks at you, a little teary from the alcohol

or maybe he’s just deep in his feels who knows

we’ve all been there amiright

and he’s like “just like you a lot you know that?’

you’re like “I was most certainly unaware of that, sir”

and he apologizes??? like why???

“I like you too, doofus, why are you sorry”

then he smiles and means it for the first time that whole night

he feels like he could crack all of the apples in the world he’s so happy

side-note: he probably could break all them apples fr

so basically you just made him the happiest apple murderer in the world

he’ll break all the apples for you baby

[when-they-write-stuff]

I have a prompt for you if you’re not too busy with your WIPs. Stiles and Derek arguing whether Derek is uptight or not. To prove he isn’t Stiles dares Derek to kiss the first guy he sees, so Derek kisses Stiles much to Stiles’s surprise

I’m always down to write a Sterek prompt! And okay, this one is so cute, it had me going through a dozen different scenarios before I settled on one ;)

- -

The thing is, Stiles knew all about Derek Hale.

He knew Derek was an uptight Alpha werewolf who hated things like baby chicks and rainbows and chocolate. He knew this. He’d known ever since they first met and Derek had lobbed Scott’s inhaler at him like it was personally offensive or something.

Derek Hale— Mr. “This is Private Property” — Derek Hale was an uptight Alpha werewolf who needed to learn to relax. And Stiles was determined to teach him.

It started out with a water balloon fight. As most things do.

See, Stiles had started carrying around a packet of water balloons ever since summer started, but they hadn’t been for Derek. Not originally at least. They’d been for Jackson and occasionally Isaac, when he decided to wear a scarf in one hundred degree weather and Stiles felt he needed to be set in place.

But then one day during training, Derek decided to get grumpy about the pack taking a popsicle break. And Stiles knew something had to be done.

He attempted the peaceful approach at first. Read: the peaceful approach being him sticking one slightly melted blue popsicle in Derek’s face and insisting he enjoy himself for once.

“It’s blue raspberry, Derek!” Stiles said, poking Derek in the nose with the tip. Derek growled and tried to bat the popsicle away, but Stiles was determined. “Everybody likes blue raspberry!”

“I don’t,” Derek said, flashing red eyes at him. “Stiles, get that out of my face or I’m going to stuff it down your throat.”

“Fine, no blue raspberry. I’ll get you a cherry one!”

“I don’t want a popsicle,” Derek said, glaring. “I want a pack that doesn’t mess around and gets back in position when they’re told to. This is a training session, not a pool party.”

Stiles yanked the popsicle back with a frown. “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” Derek said, and flashed his eyes at the pack. A series of groans filled the air.

But one by one, the pack pushed themselves out of the shade of the Hale house porch and plodded back onto the lawn. Stiles clenched his jaw and turned away, stalking inside.

Derek didn’t even try to stop him.

But Stiles wasn’t planning to pout. Instead, he dug the packet of water balloons out of his pocket and started toward the kitchen sink. Lydia came in at one point, empty glass in hand, and proceeded to give him the most judgemental look possible. 

But Stiles only flashed her a smile and scooted over. To his delight, Lydia moved to his side and started to help. In less than ten minutes, they had a sink full of water balloons. All set and ready to go.

“You realize this is a bad idea, right?” Lydia said, glancing sideways. “Declaring war on a bunch of werewolves is basically having a death wish.”

“I’m not declaring war on the others,” Stiles said, grabbing two and turning away. “I’m declaring war on Derek Hale, the most uptight and grumpy Alpha werewolf to every grace Beacon Hills with his eyebrows.”

Lydia’s chuckle followed him. Stiles made it to the porch and smiled at Derek’s back, weighing the water balloons in each hand.

“Oh, Derek?”

Derek turned around with an unimpressed expression. 

But, seeing Stiles and the balloons he held, his eyes widened. In a second, Stiles had nailed him with the first one, the red balloon exploding against his unfairly solid chest.

The rest of the pack stopped training. Derek stood still for a moment and stared at Stiles, his chest now outlined nicely by his damp t-shirt, and Stiles chuckled nervously, lifting the other water balloon.

“Uh, cool the fuck down?”

“Stiles,” Derek said, eyes bleeding to red. “I’m going to kill you.”

“Only if you catch me first!”

Stiles yelped as Derek leaped forward and lobbed the other water balloon forward, catching him in the shoulder this time. Derek roared and started after him and Stiles squeaked even louder, stumbling into the living room.

Lydia watched from her place on the couch, one delicately manicured brow arching upward as Stiles ducked behind her. She closed her book a fraction and glanced up at him.

“I’m not getting caught in the middle of this, Stiles.”

From the other side of the couch, Derek glared. “Stiles, get over here.”

“No way!”

“Stiles, I’m not going to kill you. I just… want to talk.”

Stiles barked out a terrified laugh. “That’s what they always say, big guy, right before ripping out the side character’s throat or something. And I’m a side character! I don’t feel like dying today!”

“Stiles—” Derek started around the couch and Stiles scrambled in the other direction. Coming to a pause, Derek glared at him again. “Come here, now.”

“No way, you uptight grump! I’m standing for pack freedom! For token human rights! For popsicle breaks on days when it’s a hundred degrees outside!”

Derek’s eyes flashed again and he opened his mouth— but before he could say a word, another water balloon was sailing through the air.

This time, it wasn’t Stiles who had thrown it.

The balloon exploded against Derek’s head and his eyes rounded, mouth still wide open. Water dripped from his hair into his eyes and Stiles spun around, catching a grinning Erica standing in the doorway with three more balloons cradled in her arms.

“Hey, Batman, you looked like you could use a hand.”

“Catwoman, you precious, beautiful, amazing—” Stiles cut off with a yelp as she nailed in him the chest. The grin on her face turned feral.

“Unfortunately for you, it’s every man for himself.”

“Traitor!”

Erica cackled and took off out the door and Stiles scrambled toward the kitchen, only to duck back around the corner when a water balloon exploded against the wall where his face had been. Squawking, he peered around again, and saw Isaac smirking at him.

“Payback’s a bitch, Stilinski.”

“You have no right to use badass one-liners, scarf boy!”

Isaac started toward him and Stiles scrambled in the other direction, ducking through the second door that led to the kitchen. As quickly as he could, he scooped up a handful of water balloons and then took off toward the porch.

The front yard was chaos.

Scott had also gotten his hands on some when Derek had been threatening Stiles’s life and Jackson was half-shifted— which wasn’t good for anyone. Boyd and Erica were nowhere in sight, but Stiles wouldn’t put an alliance beyond them.

He started toward the edge of the preserve, back toward the trees as he kept both eyes on the lawn. And then the porch door opened again and he froze as Derek stepped out, arms laden with water balloons.

Stiles’s heart stopped. Red eyes cut across the lawn toward him and the smirk on Derek’s face could only be described as feral.

“Oh my god,” Stiles said, turning around and fleeing into the trees. Lydia was right, this was a bad idea. He had a death wish. He wasn’t going to live to see another summer.

He wasn’t sure where he was going, but Stiles didn’t dare look back. He raced around the back of the house and started toward the basement door, but didn’t make it before something red was sailing through the air and hit him so hard in the shoulder, Stiles went stumbling.

He tripped over his own feet and went sprawling, all of his water balloons popping against his chest on impact. Stiles groaned and pushed himself up a few inches, before flipping around and gazing at the smirking werewolf who approached.

“Look,” Stiles said, scrambling back. “Derek, Sourwolf, my Alpha o’ Alpha, don’t you think revenge is a little overrated? I mean, come on, shouldn’t we be joining against the masses instead of turning on each other? Think about Erica! Think about Jackson!”

“I’m thinking about how you talk too much,” Derek said, towering over him. “I’ve told you that before, right?”

“I’d like to plea the first.”

Derek held one balloon over his head and let it fall, and Stiles yelped as it exploded in his hair. He glowered up at Derek before shoving himself to his feet.

“Fine, Sourpuss, hit me with your best shot. If only a little loosening up will finally make you unclench and eat a popsicle for once—”

“Seriously, Stiles?”

“Seriously what, you grump?”

One of the balloons popped in Derek’s hand, he was gripping it so hard. Stiles tried not to feel too threatened by that. “Why do you care so much? Why are you acting so juvenile?”

“Juvenile? Juvenile? Me, juvenile? You’re the one that refuses to like blue raspberry!”

“I don’t think that makes me—”

“No, Derek, no,” Stiles said, cutting him off. “You’re the big bad uptight Alpha werewolf who grumps, we get it. But it’s not that hard to unwind and enjoy yourself once in a while, you know. This is a pack house, not a training yard!”

Derek clenched his jaw, glaring at him. “I’m not uptight.”

Stiles huffed. “Sure.”

“I’m not.”

“Then go eat a popsicle.”

“No.”

“Go engage the others with water balloons.”

“No.”

“Then dammit, Derek, do something! Smile a little, make a joke. Eat a chocolate bar without looking like you’re ready physically dying. Give Jackson a hug! Kiss a stranger!”

Derek’s eyebrows flew up. Stiles close his eyes and thought about how far that’d just gotten before silently groaning. Slowly, he opened them again.

“I didn’t mean like, half of that.”

“Good, because those are all stupid and I’m not doing them.”

“Dammit, Derek, seriously? It is possible to go out on a limb once in a while and—”

Derek cut him off with a growl, moving forward. Before Stiles even had a chance to react, Derek’s water balloons were exploding at his feet, there were two hands on the side of his head, and Derek was kissing him. 

Derek Hale was kissing him. Like, without trying to rip his face off, kissing him.

Stiles froze and in a second, Derek was drawing back, eyes wide and apologetic. He looked downright shocked at his own actions. The man opened his mouth— no doubt to say something stupid— and Stiles couldn’t have that.

Before Derek could backtrack, Stiles moved forward and shoved their lips together again. It was uncoordinated, messy, and Derek growled again, which made Stiles shiver with nerves. He felt Derek card a hand through his soaked hair. There was water on the man’s upper lip.

“This,” Stiles said in a gasp, not willing to break away yet. “Was not what I expected when I said ‘go out on a limb’.”

“Stiles, shut up.”

“Do I taste like blue raspberry, Sourwolf?”

Derek kissed him harder and Stiles wondered if this was going to happen more often now that it was a clear method of shutting him up. He decided he really didn’t mind. Derek could shut him up whenever he wanted to.

But, because they were in a pack of assholes, a sharp whistle suddenly shattered the air, ruining the moment.

Stiles stumbled back and Derek’s face turned bright red as he spun around. Standing at the corner of the house was the rest of the pack, all looking surprised and disturbed. Other than Erica, that is.

She was grinning from ear to ear. And Lydia just looked unfairly smug.

They were also all holding water balloons.

“Uh, guys?” Stiles said, moving a step back. “I trust this isn’t an interference and those aren’t meant for us? Or at least not me.”

“Well,” Erica said, smirking. “They were meant for Derek but clearly an alliance has been made—”

Stiles was already running. He heard Derek bark his name and laughed hysterically as heavy footsteps caught up with him. Running faster, Stiles thought declaring war on a bunch of werewolves was both the worst and the best thing he’d ever done.

Derek left him behind without hesitation. 

Stiles was taken out first.

And he refused to acknowledge the Alpha’s presence until he kissed him again that night; and this time, Derek tasted like blue raspberry.

Things might have been forgiven then.

- -

Okay, now I can feel like I’ve been productive today. Thanks for the prompt, my friend! I had so much fun with it <3

(Support your overcaffinated (so much so) student writer? Seriously, I’d adore you guys so much). https://ko-fi.com/rh27writer

[heartsywritesthethings]

You have a small shred of self preservation

While the container seems to be calling out to you, you gently nudge it aside. You take an apple instead, taking a small step back so you could close the fridge door. It catches and you look up to see Mammon standing right next to you, one hand on the fridge door. You’re startled, but just move aside so Mammon can get a better look inside. As you watch him, you take a bite out of your apple.

You can almost hear Asmodeus making bets on whether or not Mammon will take the container even though it explicitly said not to. It doesn’t take long before the Avatar of Greed grabs the plastic container and eyes it cautiously. 

“What’s in it?” Mammon asks, nudging the door closed with his elbow. You shrug and he looks at you in surprise. “I would have thought a weak human like you would have fallen prey to this temptation easily.”

You raise an eyebrow at him and take another bite of your apple. If anyone was going to fall into temptation, it was going to be Mammon. He really could be quite stupid sometimes, as much as you hate to admit it. It was almost like he could hear you as he peels the lid off of the container and peeks inside. There’s a soft splat and Mammon’s face is covered with golden glitter that had been thrown from the container. Mammon blinks in surprise and you can’t help but to laugh at how ridiculous he looks all sparkly like that. 

“What in the world–?!” He begins, tipping the container over and shaking it out as more glitter rains down. A small and glitter covered note flutters to the ground. You reach down and pick it up.

“I have tricked you! Now everyone knows you’re guilty!” it reads. Wow, you weren’t expecting a trap from Beelzebub. Levi, Satan, Lucifer, and maybe Asmodeus, but now Beelzebub. You always figured that he would be too busy eating to set up something like this. 

“I Mew it was you!” Beelzebub’s voice calls out from the pantry. Rather dramatically, the pantry door swings open to reveal Beelzebub standing with his mouth full of…something. He sets down a box of crackers and makes his way to Mammon with deadly intent. Mammon stumbles back, knowing he fucked up. The container drops to the ground and Mammon all but runs over you to get away. He doesn’t get far as Beelz grabs his wrist and wrestles his brother to the ground. Finally, Mammon ends up on his stomach with his face pressed against the cold floor. 

“I knew you kept stealing my demon cake!” Beelzebub says, “Lucifer said he would only punish you if I had proof.”

“Really? I’m proud of him,” You say as Lucifer had quite a history of accusing Mammon and punishing him without any sort of proof. Granted, 99% of the time, Mammon was absolutely guilty. You suspect that maybe Lucifer had listened to you after all ever since your talk with him.

“How are you going to tattle on me, Beelze?! You can’t go get him without letting me go and that puny human is far too weak to hold me down!” Mammon laughs, feeling as if he had won before the battle had even started. It takes Beelz a moment to think before a wicked grin spreads across his face and Mammon shrinks underneath him, confused and scared. 

“Come here, human,” Beelzebub requests and you move closer to the both of them. This is definitely more interesting than studying for Demon History. 

“What’s up, Beel?” You ask casually, ignoring that Mammon was even being held down against his will. 

“There’s a sharpie next to the fridge. I used it to write my notes. I want you to mark up this thief.” Beelzebub says calmly. You consider this before getting up and setting your half-eaten apple down on the counter. You look for just a moment before finding the sharpie. 

“Now, brother, I’m going to need you to try and stay still,” Beelzebub says, beginning to wiggle his fingers against Mammon’s sides. Immediately, you see the Avatar of Greed freeze up underneath his younger brother. From movie night and the rumors around the House of Lamentation, you had gathered that Mammon was quite ticklish, but Beelzebub seemed to be more experienced than you had expected. You freeze, trying not to imagine yourself in Mammon’s position, your cheeks turning a slight shade of pink.

“Go ahead, human,” Beelzebub says, waving you over with a free hand. He gestures towards Mammon’s feet and suddenly, the sharpie seems like a weapon in your hands. A smile creeps onto your lips as everything clicks in your head, and you hurry towards Mammon to aid in his punishment. 

“You puny huhuman! Stay away!” Mammon tells you as you begin pulling his shoes off. He sure knows what is going on now and how much trouble he’s in now. 

As you spider your fingers against Mammon’s feet, Mammon’s walls crumble. Giggles are leaving his lips and you try and memorize all the places on his feet that elicit the sweetest squeaks. Beelzebub is making your job tough as he began to tickle Mammon’s back, making his giggles jump up and down in octave and squeals. 

When you’re fairly certain you have the bottoms of his feet thoroughly mapped out, you pop the cap off of the sharpie. 

“No no no no nohohoho! I’ll kihhihihihll you!” Mammon giggles, his feet kicking underneath you, but you both know he isn’t going anywhere. By yourself, you probably wouldn’t be able to hold him down, but you have Beelzebub to thank for the extra restraint. Plus, Mammon doesn’t seem to have a lot of strength while he’s giggling like a little school girl. 

You begin to write, the sharpie sliding over the bottom of Mammon’s left foot. The noise that escaped from the demon underneath you was absolutely adorable. 

“Wahahahahait! Ihhihihihi’m sorry! SohohAHAHRRY!” Mammon laughed, his laughter jumping up as Beelzebub targets a particularly sensitive spot between his shoulderblades. You remember that had been a particularly bad spot from the memory you had unlocked earlier. You feel jealous, wanting to be the one to make Mammon laugh the loudest. 

You keep writing, scribbling your fingers over the other foot – just to make sure that it didn’t feel neglected, of course. 

“STHAHAHAHAHAP! PLEHEHEHEHEHASE! YOU’RE KIHIHIHIHIHIHLLING ME!” Mammon cackles.

“Stop moving too much! you’re gonna make me mess up!” You laugh, having absolutely too much fun. You finish up the words up close to his toes, making Mammon jerk and laugh louder. Even though you’re done writing on one foot, you decide to play around with Mammon’s cute little ticklish toes. You wiggle your fingers between them and Mammon couldn’t have screamed louder. He bucked so hard that both you and Beelzebub lost your balance on top of the demon. Fortunately, Mammon was laughing too hard to seize the opportunity to escape from the ticklish hell he was in. 

“You know, he doesn’t need to breathe. He’s a demon.” Beelzebub reminds you, but you pause in your tickling anyways. Even if he was guilty and also not human, you didn’t want to go too far. You could be mean, but not quite that mean. When it sounded like Mammon wasn’t going as crazy, you begin on the other foot. 

Just like that, the laughter jumped up again. You couldn’t think of anything else to write, so you just decide to doodle and draw on the other foot. You swirl the point of the sharpie around particularly ticklish spots that get Mammon squealing again. You feel like an artist, but not with your drawing skills. No, definitely not that. With every stroke of your pen, you draw out beautiful laughter from the Avatar of Greed. Well, both you and Beelzebub. It appears as the other demon brother was playing Mammon’s ribs like a delicate piano. 

“What is for dinner?” Beelzebub asks suddenly, and you think for a moment, trying to remember what had been on the schedule for this week as you draw a smiley face on Mammon’s arch. 

“I think demon chicken with gravy. That could be tomorrow though.” You reply, trying to keep casual.

“YOU GUYS SUCK! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH STOP! STAHAHAHAHAHAP I’LL PAHAHAHAY YOU!” Mammon laughs. You can’t help but chuckle a little bit at the sorry state of the demon. He talked big game, but seeing him like this really destroyed that tough-guy façade. 

“How about we go out? My treat?” Beelzebub says, but he doesn’t look over at you. You glance over to see how red the tips of his ears have gotten. How cute. 

“That sounds like fun.” You say before sighing and putting the cap back on the sharpie. “I’m all done, how about you?”

“Almost,” Beelzebub says. You get up off of Mammon and lean against the counter with your arms crossed over your chest as you wait. You admire the artwork on Mammon’s right foot and the poorly written “Greedy Thief” written on the other. As quick as a flash of light, Beelzebub had pushed Mammon’s shirt up and exposing his back. He leaned down and gave Mammon the biggest raspberry in the area in between his shoulder blades.

If you had thought that his ticklish scream before had been loud, it was nothing compared to this. Mammon absolutely screeched. With that, Beelzebub was satisfied. He pulled himself up and clapped his hands together as Mammon curled up in a giggly ball.

“Don’t eat my food,” Beelzebub says to his brother before turning to you with a shit-eating grin on his face. “Dinner?" 

(x) back to the start

[theshinsun]

I'm in an Aokaga mood, can you please share some happy and sad Aokaga headcanons that you have?

I’m so sorry this took so long!! ;;-;; I haven’t had time to sit down and think with my new work schedule and I wanted to give it my full attention bc… I have so many headcanons for these boys, just… so many. here’s a few just, of their relationship in general:

happy headcanons:

these two would be the most cuddly goddamn fuckers all the time. Aomine flops on top of Kagami on the couch, Kagami wakes Aomine up by putting his head under his shirt and blowing raspberries on his stomach, they're clingy and gross and always hanging all over each other, even in public they don't give a fuck.

they tease each other constantly. Aomine usually instigates, but Kagami dishes his shit right back and they're both incredibly guilty of starting a bullshit fight just for an excuse to flirt and get up in each other's faces.

they think they're really good at being subtle and keeping the fact that they're together a secret, but they are not. they're so fuckin obvious. of course Kuroko is the first to catch on, but everyone on the planet knows within the first week.

Kagami teaches Aomine to cook. at first he sulks and complains the whole time and get frustrated when he doesn't know any of the utensils or even like, how to preheat an oven, but eventually he starts to enjoy just spending time with Kagami in the kitchen and actually learns a lot.

Kagami is the only person Aomine will allow to touch his limited edition Jordans, he's also the only one who really appreciates him having a whole collection of them.

Kagami's favorite part about Aomine is his eyes. Aomine's favorite part about Kagami is his smile.

Aomine really likes sneaking up on Kagami and hugging/kissing him out of nowhere, Kagami grumbles about it bc it gives him a heart attack every time and tells Aomine he'd give him all the attention he wants if he'd just ask, but secretly he thinks it's really cute.

they turn every aspect of their relationship that they can into a competition like "I kissed you first!" "oh yeah? well I did it better!" they're both so dumb.

they do everything together. like, everything. grocery shopping, video games, working out, napping, showering. they have a lot of the same interests and even the ones they don't share, they end up doing together bc it's more fun to be with each other. Kagami jokes that Aomine's so clingy he'd follow him into the bathroom if he could. Aomine tests him on it one time and gets his ass thrown out.

Aomine's the little spoon. fight. me.

Aomine likes doing big, extravagant things for Kagami, giving him lots of gifts and showing off to get his attention. he usually ends up fucking it up and making a fool of himself, but Kagami still appreciates the thought.

Kagami's thoughtful gestures are more subtle, everyday things like packing Aomine's lunch for him, coming to pick him up and bringing him an umbrella when it rains. there's no question that they both dote on each other equally, they just show their love in different ways.

sad headcanons:

their communication skills are awful. a lot of their worst fights are because of misunderstandings that spin out of control, or a refusal to admit they're wrong or say how they really feel. Aomine is undoubtedly the worse offender here, but Kagami's not much better and has said just as many hurtful things in the heat of the moment and then refused to take them back.

a disagreement that starts small turns into not talking to each other for days because they're both too stubborn and proud to just talk to each other. 

when they're in a fight, they actively avoid each other. Kagami goes off on his own and just feels angry and miserable and sad by himself, but Aomine inflicts it on other people, lashing out at everyone and making the situation worse... basically they both start self-destructing when they try to stay apart. 

it's not perfect when they aren't fighting with each other, either. being more or less open about their relationship, they both unfortunately have to deal with their share of harassment. Kagami's pretty used to shrugging it off, and Aomine can usually do the same if it's directed at him, but he's extremely protective and if someone starts talking shit about Kagami, he can't help responding in a way that results in him coming home with bruises and split knuckles at best.

sometimes he doesn't come home, and then Kagami has to go out and look for him, always worrying one day he's going to find him dead because he doesn't have the fucking self-preservation to cut his losses and walk away.

it's not like Kagami's the poster child for self-restraint, though. it's less common with him, but he's thrown his share of punches where they didn't belong and gotten the shit kicked out of him on occasion, too. he's just not nearly the glutton for violence that Aomine can be, which makes him wonder if part of it is a way of punishing himself.

they've both got their share of issues and vices to work through. when Kagami's stressed out, he goes without sleep, works himself to exhaustion, sometimes even forgets to eat. he's pushed himself to collapse at least once and scared the shit out of Aomine, who has to practically force him to lie down and fucking eat and rehydrate before he ends up in the hospital.

for Aomine, when his depression gets bad he oversleeps, doesn't have the energy to shower or get dressed, and he takes his emotions out on other people. unfortunately, the person he usually has handy as a punching bag is Kagami. he's said some of the nastiest things to him as a result of feeling like shit himself, and started awful, blow-out fights because he hasn't been taking care of himself. 

when Kagami cools off and realizes that's the case, he can remind him to take his meds or talk him into using better coping skills, but until then, he's not exactly the most comforting influence and usually just makes things worse. 

I’m gonna cut myself off before this gets ridiculous, but I could honestly talk about these two boys forever. they’re just so important to me... I’ve been writing about them for going on six years now, but it still feels like I’ve barely scratched the surface considering the massive archive of ideas I’ve got for them. thanks so much for asking!! ^^ I hope this satisfies even if it’s late. <3