#also i mean this in the least dehumanizing way possible he is a man w a fully fledged personality pls i know lmao

[kimjiwoong]

idk how to explain the way wooseok just truly embodies the personality of a cat. he likes to lie down and do nothing, likes to be paid attention so fucking much but also leave him alone but also pls pls listen to him speak and laugh at his jokes

[flying-elliska]

I was so immersed in skam fandom, one of the first that I actually got into completely, that I forget that like other fandoms exist? Basically, I witnessed a lot of buffoonery in the skam fandom. It was nice with all the fanfics and meta but like it got wild and it’s one of the reasons I bowed out cause the anxiety was real man. But I’ve kind of entered into 911? But really it’s mostly just the fanfic because I go into the tag sometimes when an episode comes out but honestly ppl are WILD. Like Oliver stark had to deactivate because ppl won’t stop. And I’m over here like whaaat? I know ppl can freak out online and it’s one thing to make posts about it but like actors are real ppl and I really don’t understand the disconnect ppl have when they say shit to the actors. Like they don’t care or take into account that ppl are real and they are not their characters. It’s such a bummer and probably why I’ll stay in the land buddie fan fic lol

Wow this is so real like skamiverse fandom can def be a fucking circus sometimes and it's tempting to blame skam specific stuff like the live format etc

But yeah in fact each fandom unfortunately has its share of people who are either seriously deranged, too young to be online unsupervised, lacking any sort of decency, or at the very least have seriously lost touch with reality that they think it's okay to treat real people like this over made up shit.

It's so wack to me that people have invested so much of their identity and feelings in these stories that they fly off the handle like this. And this has a tendency unfortunately to get worse w queer pairings often bc media representation has come to be seen as a substitute for actual political activism so they see it as: not giving me the queer pairing I want = you must hate gay people = you deserve death threats (or something).

It's honestly such a shame bc it ruins the fandom for the rest of us. Like I read this and half of my enthusiasm for next ep was already gone, like this is so cringe I dont want to be associated with this. It would have been fun to see Oliver Stark liveblog the finale but I guess we can't have nice things.

And I mean I definitely think this is partly bc social media is specifically made to turn every possible human interaction into hot garbage for the algorithm but some people also really need to take a good look in the mirror.

I don't get the whole "haha bullying celebrities online is fun" thing ; sure they're rich and famous (and I mean in this case he's just a moderately well known TV actor so like...) but when it comes to it they're still one person facing a mass of people throwing insults their way which is not fun for anybody. And I know a lot of people doing that shit like to pretend that the power dynamics are in their favor because they're younger or not famous or whatever and the people they attack should "get over it" but it's like...just a bad faith excuse for being a piece of garbage. The way some people act like their faves somehow belong to them now bc of their support and they can do or say whatever and attack them for not giving them everything they want is so dehumanizing and gross.

[rethesun]

Is there a name for middle lane larries?

Topic: An opinion on larry

I think there is substantial compelling evidence, but I'm not 100% convinced that there is still something but it’s possible there is we just don’t see.

If someone calls me a larrie, it's not insulting at all, but if someone were to call me an anti i’d be sad, honestly. Below I say many things that make it seem like I negatively judge hardcore larries, but I don't. I find it extraordinary that people can be so brave and sure of themselves, and I wish I could be too. I tend to get along with larries, while I mostly avoid antis unless they manage to be respectful, which is unfortunately quite rare. 

I think it's practically effortless to get toxic when trying to prove or disprove things. I think it's dehumanizing and feels stressful to me as a fan. Therefore I can only imagine the difficulty and what it takes for people in a position of fame to get to a place of inner strength and resilience where the millions of opinions of the world don't affect them as much. It's sometimes hard to judge/differentiate what is and isn't disrespectful, and it hurts terribly to know I'm crossing boundaries. So I'm putting my opinion together in hopes it isn't as counterproductive or pointless as it feels.

I'm not at all trying to convince anyone of a narrative to sway people to believe or not believe. What and how much you know and where you "stand" is down to you. 

Do I believe in larry? 

First and foremost, being a fan of someone means supporting that person without expecting anything from them. It means any fan theory isn't crucial. What’s important is just supporting them as is, as an individual. It means caring about how the person may feel about things more than caring about how I feel about things that aren't my business in the first place. 

That said, here is my not long-awaited opinion.

I think there is substantial compelling evidence, but I'm not 100% convinced that there is still something but it’s possible there is we just don’t see. I will not disregard what Harry and Louis said back in the day and pretend they had nothing when at the very least, Harry said it on video directly twice. Yes, he was a kid, but people will decide Harry is with a skinny blonde woman older than him for much less, so I don't take what he said as a platonic joke. However, I try to be as realistic as possible. As an outsider, it's not easy for my brain to conclude on most things. However, this doesn't mean I disregard how bad the industry can be. One big reason is that I don't know any of these people personally, and I want to believe in the best in others. Even though I understand controlling narratives in the industry happens and happened to 1D. I don't know to what extent. It's hard for me to judge that any or all of Harry's "relationships" are fake, and thus, he's had a few "stunt" songs for those relationships, etc. It’s plausible that he wrote female pronouns on a song or a few and the song refers to a man/men but that's far from saying this is a stunt song which would imply an entire fake relationship which is too far for me to say wasn't real as I am just an outsider. 

Whether people say it's the fans who say it or the boys behavior, the statement, 'larries ruined their friendship,' is sometimes interpreted as centered around homophobia. I do not see it this way.

However, whether there was or is a relationship, it's entirely reasonable to consider, the circumstances as a whole hurt them and likely the rest of the band in multiple ways that made things really hard. I do not think fans ruined the band or their connections with each other. I think being overworked with little freedom or breaks to discover/express independence were just a few reasons why.

Why I think larry appeared to become distanced to the public eye: 1. Understandably, putting blame on the heteronormative gender restrictive times we were in and still are in. 2. How some fans react to Larry's interactions due to reason number one. Otherwise, all the 1D members, their families, and friends have been honest. That would mean there isn't an elaborate conspiracy; they are just tired of people messing with who they care about and want to live without the harassment. Regardless of whether some fan theories are accurate or not, people in the spotlight and their families deserve peace of mind. They don't deserve to be dehumanized. I wish some fans would understand how wrong it is to swarm people or ask strangers to confirm any personal things. Not only because it's rude and invasive but because of mental health. If that's confusing, imagine if it were you in their position.

I used Zayn's interview because he shared it eloquently while the other mentions that ‘Larry isn't real’ were mostly screen captures of constituents replying impatiently to larry comments on social media saying the Larry thing is delusion and not what real fans do.  Zayn in this 2015 fader interview. "There's no secret relationships going on with any of the band members," he explains. "It's not funny, and it still continues to be quite hard for them. They won't naturally go put their arm around each other because they're conscious of this thing that's going on, which is not even true. They won't do the natural behavior." He goes on to add to the statement, "But it's just the way the fans are. They're so passionate, and once they get their head around an idea, that's the way it is regardless of anything. If it wasn't for the passionate, like almost obsession, then we wouldn't have the success that we have." Before the subject changes, Zayn said that fans would find a way to water down what he said and make any excuses, e.g., that he couldn't speak the truth.

I can't speak for anyone but myself. (I’m a queer cis female) I don't think I would want to 'get dragged through a round of 'coming out' press. Why should sexuality be treated as an oddity by the median, and why should queer people have to subject themselves to that treatment?' The amount of coming out stories and things that could follow a person, or the people around, in the aftermath, would be atrocious. People, personally and professionally, may treat you differently after. The queer stereotypes would be exhausting. Also, it's not always as safe sometimes to be out. Whether there was/is a relationship at all between 1D members. “Being open to everyone isn't easy. Now imagine yourself no less human than right now, but add millions of eyes on you. It's insensitive to assume about someone when they could be doing their best/what is comfortable—please let's stop invalidating what we don't understand.”

Zayn's career connects to Hollywood, and he’s in the spotlight so it's not easy to suddenly believe everything I hear and see is the truth just because someone like him said it. However, at the same time, it's rather discomforting for me to disregard and look into everything people like Zayn or his constituents say. I want to believe the best in people and sympathize and “back him up” in a sense. It's also way to hard to believe all things other fans say because we are passionate and obsessed, so there is confirmation bias. 

Do I concretely believe anything? 

Yes, but those things don't directly confirm or deny anything especially Larry.

I believe the boys were responsible for RBB & SBB.

I have some reason to believe the song Carolina could be about experimentation with drugs since Johnny Cash's Cocaine-Carolina song is plausibly similar. Also, it's not uncommon if you're wealthy or famous to experiment with drugs, including harmful drugs; the environment can make it more accessible and normalized. I don't condone drug abuse; I hope Harry is wise enough not to make it a reoccurring thing. I want him naturally happy and healthy, but it's not my life, and I don't know him to have any right in making that call. I trust from Harry's character and what he said in his Zane Lowe interview that he knows better. However, the song Carolina might be about Townes or maybe it's both, I have no clue. 

I believe SOTT is about "fundamentals" like Harry said it is, not just from the perspective of 'a mother telling the child to go forth and conquer.' I notice some people readily look over the childbirth story, saying 'it makes no sense,' but it can easily coincide with fundamentals, "Equal rights for everyone, all races sexes, everything." Check out this in depth lyric analysis?

I think most of us know and support that Harry is a proud member of the community. If he wasn’t he’d just say that. 

I think maybe COAC and SOTT may have been collaborative. There are multiple writers on both songs and if it’s possible to have a ghost writer then I say it's plausible they chose to write them similarly. 

I think Louis possibly queer codes. Straight people don’t queer code so you might think it’s queer baiting but I don’t think someone sick of gay rumors would go that route. Either that, or he's a passionate and sympathetic ally.

However, Louis is still "with" E. From a perspective of committed fans, it doesn't look like a sincere relationship. As an outsider, again, it feels far too presumptuous for me to have a B&W opinion.

It seems that adults with somewhat official platforms let rumors run rampant, and not many grown adults of the time seemed to correct or silence it. I should have said this early and cannot stress this enough, ANYONE who is not the Louis Tomlinson or in his family tree is in no way an official source. If they're acting like they know things (not just reporting on what's happening), they were/are either trolling or want people to freak out for clout. Being led astray by people looking to capitalize on fans is always a danger. It's insensitive, inappropriate, and unprofessional, but it happened. I am surprised by that and that 1D's management didn't try to protect Louis and his image more. I’m not an insider able to judge him negatively or to overanalyze the situation. So I won't assume he's not a dad, and I hope he's doing well.

(About the above paragraph about Louis this is an update after the original post I made to say I don't have a further developed opinion because I never looked into it and don't know if I will so don't hold that against me please I just personally don't feel like it’s a thing I need to do and I know larries don’t appreciate when non-larries make comments on things without thoroughly looking into things so you won’t see a further opinion from me or judgment unless I do actual research)

In conclusion, and to reiterate, I feel like there is some truth to some things. Again, it feels disrespectful or too presumptuous for me to have many opinions, especially of the negative kind, as an outsider. I don't know any of these people personally, and I want to believe in the best in others. I am not harshly judging things because I don't have a complete story or the right to. However, this doesn't mean I disregard how bad the industry can be to people in multiple ways.

As fans, we can do much better. It's not unreasonable to wish people didn't constantly objectify/sexualize people with fame and didn't harass them/their families about fan theories. Also, always wanting something from these people and expecting them to fulfill god-like expectations as if they don't go through the same human experience and aren't completely flawed like the rest of us, or stalking them—something sick and a behavior that's saddening and disgusting. Real fans just leave them be to live their lives. Please call out stalking and discourage it if you notice it. Overall, I think we can all be a bit more respectful and understanding or try to make an effort. I'm not a superfan, but I'd like to be genuine and not a reason why these people dislike being in the spotlight. I feel like that means being as grounded, realistic, and sensitive about how these people may feel about things more than caring about how I feel about things that aren't my business in the first place. It ultimately means any fan theory isn't crucial. What’s important is just supporting them as is, as individual.

[#’s are for exposure and may not correlate]

[tonotbelionized]

Oscar’s Arc in Volume 6

Volume 6 is definitely a volume that I hold higher than the previous two volumes. The writing seems to have been given more thought, was tighter with less flaws, and the overall characters were slimmed down to allow more time to develop their arcs throughout the thirteen episodes. Is there still flaws to this volume? Of course, there is no piece of media that is completely flawless, but I will be talking about one particular fault that I, and many other people, have noticed.

Oscar Pine’s arc.

Oscar has a very interesting premise to his character with his relationship towards Ozpin, the soul of a thousands of years old man who had reincarnated into Oscar in Volume 4, pushing him to leave his quiet life behind for the greater good as Ozpin could not stay out of this war between him and Salem. The idea of an innocent person having to deal with not only having been shoved into a far that he had no idea of before and with no skills like everyone around him, as well as being the focal point of everyone’s attention not for himself, but because of the man inside his head, could’ve given Oscar a very detailed and dynamic growth in this volume with Ozpin’s revelations.

But it didn’t. Why?

Changing Fears & Motivations

The first problem is that his character arc is very haphazard through the entire volume. It was so confusing at first that after Jinn’s revelation about Ozpin’s secrets, I thought Oscar’s quote: “I’m just going to end up another one of his lives, aren’t I?” was in relation to everyone remembering him more as Ozpin than Oscar when he passes on and Ozpin reincarnates into someone else, leaving what was left of Oscar to join the culmination of their memories with the countless other lives before him. But the episode where he returns after disappearing seems to paint his fears in a different light.

Instead, Oscar seems to have the idea that soon enough, Ozpin’s personality will override his own and that Ozpin will live on using his body. Not only is this blatantly untrue, it shows him and everyone in the cast, and by extension the writers themselves, as people who’ve ignored what the God of Light and Jinn told them and Ozma. His reincarnation doesn’t work that way, it is specifically stated that Ozma had learned to live alongside with his host so that he is never alone in his quest. 

The only time he forcibly overrode someone completely was his first reincarnation into Ozma 2.0, but even then we see that deep underneath, the man he reincarnated into could talk to him and had enough grasp on the world around him that he knew what was going on. While that does raise an awkward implication of how the man who owned the body before Ozma came about thought about his relationship to Salem, a woman he never even met before, it’s something that we’re not discussing today.

Even with Ozpin’s ability to take over Oscar’s body when they’re in immense danger, like the battle with Hazel, Oscar is shown to have the same ability to not only take his body back from Ozpin’s control, but to forcibly look into Ozpin’s memories and thoughts to find out Jinn’s name to tell to Ruby. Having his arc turn into him deciding that he’s going to use what little time he has left to help is meant to be uplifting and showing Oscar coming into his own when before he was just a lost boy thrown into the mess, but it’s just distracting because the writers have forgotten that the reincarnation aspect of their story does not work that way.

His Treatment by Others & The Resolution of This Plot Point

This has to be a point that’s said but I don’t hate that the plot point of the group turning on Oscar at that moment simply because in the context it makes sense. Ozpin is not there, and for all the time the group has known Oscar, they’ve known him as the boy who’s directly connected to Ozpin rather than just Oscar. They can’t get at the man who they’re angry at, so they’ll rage against the carrier out of fear, frustration and grief for the people that they’ve lost in this fight against Salem.

It’s a great show of dehumanization done by the protagonists. They didn’t see Oscar as his own person, rather just a physical body that Ozpin occupies, and it’s completely summed up by Jaune when the group reunite in Argus.

Jaune: How do we even know it's really him?! What if we have been talking to that liar this whole time?!

I thought this plot would go on to them learning that Oscar is his own person, and for a while the show was putting my point up to be right, with Ruby quickly comforting Oscar and validating his worth as his own person even when no one else did. But that quickly fell apart when they reached Argus.

Oscar is then left to suffer the brunt of Jaune’s grief and distrust of Ozpin, and while the group timidly try to defend him before Ruby jumps in, no one steps in after Jaune leaves to make sure Oscar was okay. If they did, it happened off screen, and because of that it can’t count because the audience didn’t see this. All we have seen is Oscar be shouted at, assaulted, and had not only his sincerity questioned, but also his very humanity, something that he had been struggling with since his introduction into the show. And all of this culminates in Oscar running away.

I don’t hate the plot point of him running away either, because it was a realistic consequence for the group to realise that they had been taking it out on the wrong person, and while they’ve all been trapped in their own problems, no one had bothered to make sure Oscar at least felt wanted. However, his arc continues to deteriorate when the main problem of the story line happens.

Oscar has no moment of reflection. He has no time to be rightfully angry or scared or to have a chance to talk to someone about how he’s feeling. Instead that time is spent with Jaune’s resolution over his grief with Pyrrha’s death and Ruby being angry that they found Qrow lying on the stairs drunk. I do not want the Pyrrha statue scene to be removed, because it was needed to conclude not only Jaune finally being able to move from her death, but to reaffirm that his teammates love him and that they all have to band together despite this loss. 

When Oscar does return, the group welcome him back with open arms but the only person to apologise for Oscar’s treatment was Jaune. It’s good for him to accept responsibility for his actions, but Jaune was not the only one to hurt Oscar, Qrow was just as much of a perpetrator and even after he starts to recover from his downfall in this volume, we never see him apologise to Oscar for his physical assault and then dismissal of Oscar’s humanity and identity.

The ending feels like it was unearned and paints Oscar as someone who’s willing to brush off how the protagonists have unfairly treated him because of an off screen epiphany. Ignoring his weird speech about his merge with Ozma, this just has very unfortunate implications in the writing around this scene and entire plot line. It loses all consequences that was set up last episode with the group realizing just how bad their actions has affected their situation, because now they had to deal with the guilt of pushing Oscar away and for losing both him and Ozpin. 

How Can This Be Fixed?

While I despise posts that claim to fix points due to the fact that what may work for some people might not for others, I’ll just say what I think would make the flaws far less egregious.

Simply give Oscar the screen time to show us how he handled his treatment between him running away and him returning with a new resolve. It could be something as simple as Ozpin returning earlier due to sensing something wrong with Oscar, and have him finally unload all the baggage that he had been left to deal with alone. Give Oscar the chance to actually talk about how everything was affecting him similar to Volume 5, where he confessed to Ruby that he was scared and didn’t understand the point of all the fighting.

Have him reconnect with Ozpin so that him defending the man from the group in the trip to Atlas had more weight. Afterwards, we can then have Oscar regain the resolve he had to do the right thing and change into his new outfit to represent that change rather than gloss over it. At the end, keep Jaune’s apology and have the group remorseful that they were so caught up in the problem with Salem that they were taking out their frustrations on him, including Qrow.

Another idea I’d like to throw out isn’t necessarily a fix-it idea, more just a fascination on what the story line could’ve taken on instead of canon. A few people had thrown the idea around after the episode where Oscar ran away that Cinder and Neo would kidnap him, and I’d have really enjoyed that plot point in my honest opinion. 

Not only would it be a more drastic consequence to the protagonists’ actions, as it was their behaviour that pushed Oscar to run away in the first place, but it adds more moral complexity to their situation now. Their mission of getting the relic to Atlas still stands, and with the effect of the lamp attracting Grimm meaning that the city of Argus is in danger the longer they remain there, the team are torn between protecting the people and getting the lamp out of Argus as fast as possible, or putting that mission on hold so that they can rescue Oscar and not let Ozpin be taken back to his abuser.

It’d put more importance on Cinder and Neo also, given that outside of them teaming up and getting to Atlas, they had very little importance in this volume. Cinder kidnapping Oscar to either take him back to Salem to get back in her good books by giving her Ozpin, or holding him as ransom to get the lamp which is what Salem wants also, would be a better goal for them than their canon one of just killing Ruby. I’m not convinced that Cinder thinks that just because she wasn’t the one to “actually” kill Ruby, that Salem would let it slide on a technicality after making it a big deal that Ruby was brought to her alive.

Cinder was arrogant, but she wan’t stupid. 

That’s the end of my thoughts regarding Oscar’s arc, and I’m sorry that this one seems overly negative and critical compared to my more neutral posts in the past, but it’s incredibly difficult not to see the flaws in this work when they’re so blatant and annoying. It’s made even worse with my deep love of Oscar and what can be done with his character to make it interesting and full of depth.

Either way, thanks for reading guys!

[joannalannister]

I recently saw an answer to an ask where you said the Lannister are small people, probably ever since The Hedge Knight. Do you think Joanna was small as well?

First, I really like this question, it’s a good one! Thank you for asking it!

Second, I assume you are referring to this post? (My friends, it really helps me if you supply the post number please!) 

“you said the Lannister[s] are small people” Let’s elaborate on that before we proceed. 

While the Lannisters are, on average, physically tall, I was using “small” metaphorically to indicate small moral stature and refer to character flaws, to indicate a person who is, on average, mean, or petty, or malicious, or lacking integrity, or contemptible, or bigoted, or pathetic, etc. 

(Note that I am saying “on average” to indicate a general tendency which allows for exceptions.) 

Tywin is a prime example of a man who is of small moral stature. See also. Basically the polar opposite of Brienne, who is a person of great moral stature. 

Also, I think something is lost in the paraphrasing, because I think this tendency toward “smallness” predates THK. I said previously, “Even in the days of Duncan the Tall […], House Lannister would not stand for a cause that was right and just, and they have only grown smaller since.) It’s THK which gives us a very concrete historical example that we actually “see” happening in real (story) time, with the Lannisters refusing Dunk’s call, but if the histories can be believed, examples abound. 

Now, do I think Joanna exhibited this tendency toward “smallness”? Sure, at least initially. 

That’s just how I personally imagine her, given that GRRM isn’t particularly interested in exploring pre-series female characters, especially ones who are not Targaryens. 

We don’t know a lot about Joanna, but we know something about the people around her, like Tywin and Genna and Kevan, and these people are … not … shining beacons of light in the series. 

Personally, I think Tywin’s love is conditional, and if you oppose him or if you disappoint him or if you’re not largely on board with his program of dehumanization and Lannister Superiority, he finds that very, very frustrating. If Tywin is frustrated, he tells you to fuck off, to get away from him, he disowns you, he won’t speak to you (ask Jaime (who frustrated Tywin’s ambitions), ask Tyrion (there is not enough parenthetical space here to tell you all the ways Tyrion is at odds with Tywin), ask Genna (who, in her own words, disappointed Tywin)). 

If you’re not on board, you’re not compatible with Tywin, in Tywin’s mind. That is who Tywin is in the books. 

“Ser Kevan was his brother’s vanguard in council, Tyrion knew from long experience; he never had a thought that Lord Tywin had not had first. It has all been settled beforehand, he concluded, and this discussion’s no more than show.”

(From my understanding, the people in the vanguard are the people at the front of your army, leading the way. In more modern terms, Kevan is like Tywin’s tank, advancing Tywin’s ideas in the political arena and drawing enemy fire without taking significant damage, which allows Tywin to follow up with a kill shot from relative cover. In short, this is a concerted effort.)

Like … Tywin isn’t just a person, he’s also an ideology. And Kevan is on fucking board, ride or die, a true believer, loyal to the end, and this is what makes Tywin trust him and rely on him.

(This is why I’m not a fan of those “oh, poor Kevan” interpretations… but that’s just me.) 

Genna was on fucking board too, she still resents Ellyn Tarbeck “that scheming bitch”

One of the few things we know about Joanna is that Tywin allowed himself to be vulnerable around her. The walls came down for her, the drawbridge lowered. For her, and only her. “Only Lady Joanna truly knows the man beneath the armor.” It’s only for Joanna that Tywin allowed his soft underbelly to be exposed. That implies a level of trust that we never see again in Tywin. 

Also consider marriage vows in Westeros: “One flesh, one heart, one soul.” 

I live in a largely secular place, so it’s easy to brush something like this off, yeah yeah yeah w/e. But to a Westerosi, these mean something - you’re combining two people into one. (These wedding vows are taken directly from Milton’s Paradise Lost, about Adam and Eve.) 

So when Tywin, a literalist, marries Joanna, he is allowing her to become a part of himself. 

That’s why I have a really, really, really hard time believing that Tywin fell in love with someone who was not “on board”. At least, initially. 

I think that – initially – Joanna was a very bigoted person - someone who was classist, racist, misogynistic, etc. 

But the reason that Joanna – or at least the Joanna that I imagine, cuz idk wtf george thinks, if anything – the reason that Joanna captivates me in a way that Tywin never can is because I’m interested in exploring the question, can Joanna change? 

Can Joanna grow? 

In the series, GRRM is interested in exploring how Jaime and Tyrion change throughout the books, and he has these men court Heroism and Villainy both, and they straddle the line between them. 

But GRRM really isn’t that interested in exploring that kind of thing with Cersei in the text, imo, and that always seems kind of sad to me. 

So I suppose, in my own writing, I make up for that with Joanna. 

Like, in my fanfiction, the first scene where Tywin and Joanna interact is basically Tywin scandalized that Joanna is seemingly not dehumanizing this person, and Joanna reassuring him that it’s not what it looks like and basically “don’t be an idiot, Tywin, of course i’m not treating This Person like a human being, this is just the most convenient thing for me” 

And I want to know how she grows from that - how does she eventually come to see This Person as a friend? 

And we know that Joanna and the Princess of Dorne became friends, but how did they start? 

Aerys was obviously racist, and I think Tywin was racist, but eventually we get to a point where, imo, Joanna wanted to marry her son to the Princess’s daughter, Elia, so how do we get there? 

And what about Tytos’s mistress, what about Lynora Hill, what about Ellyn Tarbeck? What do these people mean to Joanna, how does she see them, what does she do? 

What of Toad? 

GRRM has seeded this era with so many interesting people, so many people for Joanna to run up against and push back against.

So I suppose, IN MY OWN WRITING, I imagine Joanna as small, and I find that the interesting thing is to watch her grow, and also to explore the limits of her growth. 

Because her relationship with Tywin is a big factor in her life. If Joanna can see the Princess of Dorne as a human being, and Tywin can’t …. 

And how does that make Joanna see herself, how does that change her…

…Joanna’s growth, Joanna’s disillusionment, her own realizations …

…I’m trying to find the right words, because I haven’t written this part yet…

Tywin ruled, and Joanna willingly assisted him in bricking up her own cage. Because Tywin is the living embodiment of Westerosi patriarchy, and Joanna helped him. She was complicit. And even a love as “deep and long-abiding” as Tywin’s can’t save her. 

I suppose that’s why I find Tywin/Joanna so sad. 

Sadder than GRRM imagined.  I don’t think this is a story GRRM could write, tbh. 

So yes. Small. But growth is possible. 

[traitor-boyfriend]

I got into a civil debate with a kyman shipper about Cartman secretly crushing on Kyle, but what worries me is that said person confuses sadistic lust and a hate filled obsession with love. Idk I just find that kind of worrying? Of course not all kyman shippers, but this specific one didn't really know the difference. Like they were using what happened in Imaginationland as proof of romantic feelings...how. I don't hate said person, it's just very...worrying

ugh. so this particular ask has been sitting in my inbox for.. honestly i can’t even remember. two weeks? probably more. and it’s cos there was something very specific i wanted to articulate and i’m not sure i’ve necessarily found the right words but i really want to have this answered so lets hope i find them along the way

anyway, i think that’s what’s particularly bothersome to me about the idea that cartman is capable of having a healthy, loving relationship w anyone, least of kyle; cartman approaches everything through a lens of competition and domination. we literally just had an entire season of this with heidi – . she remarks at one point that a relationship isn’t 50/50 but 100/100, which is a nice sentiment if your partner had ever once brought 50% to begin with. cartman’s relationship was one of self-preservation and convenience; she had been exiled from the inner circle of kids through social media around the same time as cartman. they were both experiencing this kind of isolation, so to cope, they do it together. even then in season 20 there are obvious misgivings on cartman’s part about his feelings for heidi in the last few episodes, suggesting that a lot of his transformation was merely performative as a method of blending in and trying to soothe his ego by working his way back into the spotlight by behaving in a way that’s socially advantageous. but once cartman *is* back to his normal spot within the group, that’s when his relationship with heidi sours, and when an entire season of manipulation and gaslighting begins. christ, he tried multiple times to literally have heidi killed. worse yet, seemed appalled at the suggestion that stan, kyle, and kenny wouldn’t help him do it, or by kyle’s indignant plea that he just break up with her and leave heidi alone. there was no need for cartman to get heidi off her vegan diet. i think he just wanted to see if he could, and he did, b/c cartman can’t help but act maliciously when presented w someone who is so completely and totally under his thumb b/c his desire is not rooted in being someone’s equal. it’s in being superior, being dominant, being the one to come out on top in even the most mundane or self-created form of competition.

take for example cartman’s fixation w rape: it’s obvious cartman doesn’t necessarily see his mother as an autonomous human being but rather an object that serves him, and i think that’s the root of his anxiety in “insecurity” at the idea of a stranger breaking into his home and assaulting his mother – b/c he views it as an act of degradation against his property, not out of genuine concern for liane. in the first coon episode, cartman see two grown adults who, by every possible indication, are on a date that is going very well. the man asks her consent to kiss her, and when he does, that’s when cartman comes out of the woodwork to stop this supposed crime. it’s an obvious joke about cartman’s delusions of grandeur in being a so-called vigilante in that he isn’t actually thwarting any real crime or even the threat of it, but it’s interesting to note that cartman views even the most innocuous of romantic situations as an assault. in tfbw, when doctor timmy uses his psychic powers on cartman, he remarks that timmy is “raping [his] mind.” he has an extremely warped view of sex and romantic relationships. there’s more but i don’t have the time to comb through and list them.

there’s a lot of arguments surrounding whether or not cartman is capable of change, and i think the answer is a very plain no. do i think there’s potential in tempering some of the more extreme aspects of his personality? sure, it’s possible i guess. but as far as the brunt of who cartman is, no. it’s the entire purpose of his character. matt and trey have said this time and time again – cartman is meant to represent the very worst not only in themselves but in anyone. in people. cartman is the human embodiment of id. you are not supposed to think positively or cartman.. the ten yr old obese nazi murder child is not to be revered; it’s the antithesis of his character. and yeah, kyle often has a naive optimism that cartman can change, but this has less to do with any positive feelings he has toward cartman and more an example of kyle’s compassion being illustrated as a situational flaw. he’s been betrayed enough times that he should know better by now than to trust in cartman’s ability to act in an altruistic or considerate way, yet that belief in compassion is vital to kyle’s moral outlook, so he keeps believing despite all evidence to the contrary. and he’s not alone! ii know a lot of people reject this not out of a love of cartman but more of a basic sympathetic belief that everyone is capable of change – which is a noble mindset! and at it’s core i believe that. human plasticity is incredible, and there are a lot of really great and sincere activism done around helping people reform and repent vile and oppressive mindsets, but south park is not reality – you treat reality within the context of societal norms of the show. neither will cartman ever have access to any such kind of therapy or behavioral rehabilitation. he is too far gone. it began and ended w scott tenorman; there’s no reformation after that. i can’t believe i’ve seen people argue that “well, he didn’t actually -kill- scott’s parents!” as if that, like, makes the act of him desecrating their dead bodies and grinding them up into raw meat and then feeding the remains to their child (also, his half-brother) more palatable. i believe this was a very deliberate hole matt and trey dug themselves into; up until that point cartman had mostly just been an ignorant, mean-spirited bully, so transforming his character by having him orchestrate something so genuinely evil,  he has carte blanche to be as vile and disgusting as their hearts desire

now. this is what’s especially worrying about his relationship w kyle. we’ve seen time and time again that cartman fosters a genuine distrust and dislike and actively enjoys seeing him fail – specifically if he can be the one to make it happen. this isn’t necessarily what i think, but it’s something i’ve seen suggested and i don’t think it’s outlandish to believe cartman could have some sadistic, pyschosexual fixation on kyle given my previous assertions wrt his views on sex, love, his relationship w heidi – but that’s all it could be. it’s a violent, selfish, purely physical fixation b/c, above all else, cartman is in a constant competition with kyle and it doesn’t end until cartman is utterly bested and brought to his knees or he wins. kyle is his rival, and as that, cartman has an innate responsibility to oppose kyle at every turn and try to bring about his downfall. even if they’re capable of being neutral, or even friendly, those times are few and far, the truce is always broken, and doesn’t come close to just how often cartman delights in seeing kyle victimized by none other than cartman himself. remember humancentipad. remember ginger cow. remember imaginationland – which trey parker has said himself on the commentary that cartman’s obsession with having kyle suck his balls was not out of some secret romantic desire but was an obvious and explicit act of dehumanization and humiliation. not to mention cartman’s racism and anti-semitism, and the endless degradation kyle experiences on a daily basis for being jewish. cartman despises something so innate and so personal and wholly woven into the very essence of who kyle is, it’s beyond me how anyone thinks this is something kyle could see past this or something cartman would want to have anything to do with other than destroy it (which, again, he has tried. lol)

it really, honestly, truly baffles me that anyone thinks cartman 1.) could have positive romantic feelings for kyle or that 2.) cartman and kyle would be capable of having anything other than a strictly unhealthy, malevolent, abusive relationship. and it’s more baffling (and, yes, very worrying) that someone could so blatantly remain oblivious or misconstrue that level of obsession with a genuine romantic partnership

tl;dr: yeah that’s very worrying, cartman is incapable of genuine love, some people are unable to change and he’s one of them, cartman’s desires are always selfish and self-serving in nature, he and kyle would never have a romantic relationship and if they did it would be an absolute unbridled disaster of sadism and victimization, it’s 3:08 a.m and i’m going to bed

[txtdol]

02. losing my edge (week 4)

Time compression in league fandom is a funny thing, especially to a new fan.  In 2010, YellOwStaR, as part of Against All Authority, played in the Season 1 equivalent of worlds, the season championship. In 2010 I graduated college. That doesn't seem that long ago. Telling me that YellOwStaR has been playing since Season One makes him seem ancient, a grandfather to even Madlife and Score, who had played in the granddaddy of LCK tournaments, the OGN invitational. Telling that to a new fan -- "YellOwStaR has been playing before Korean pro league of legends existed" -- is mind-blowing.

Because that was only 6 years ago, and YellOwStaR's progaming career is, for the moment, over. He's 24 and retired. I'm older, and my career feels like it's still just beginning.

Hai is also 24, but he's retired, come back, moved to the bench, and then joined a challenger team that has since been promoted and bought out. He's been kicked out of his team and invited back; he's replaced his substitute and trained his substitute; he's switched lane assignments twice. I've worked for almost as long as he has, and feel like I've only accomplished a quarter of what he has.

He was parked in the driveway of C9's old gaming house in Northern California with his whole life packed into the little egg of a car. He was about to drive away, but the reality of what he was leaving behind finally caught up to him. For two years, he'd lived with his team. They'd become his family — the first real semblance of such a thing in over a decade. They were the people he trusted most, and together, they had pioneered a path into professional gaming. And he was their leader.

But the calls for his retirement buried those memories in the past. The perception of him being a weak player crept into the team and chipped at him from behind. Every time he made a mistake in practice or in a game, the little holes grew. He tripped over them again and again until he fell in. And at 22 years old, he retired his dream and wondered what was next.

- Kien Lam, "The Hai Road”

Where was I at 22? Certainly not standing on a precipice, peering down into the pit of obscurity, wondering if this was the end of the road for a dream I spent so much of myself pursuing. Even now, way past 22, I see my future as a series of paths that could branch out to ever broader worlds, hidden by the fog of war that is simple, human uncertainty. Maybe these paths are no longer as multitudinous as it used to be; maybe they are not multiplying the way they had when I was 18, but the paths that I am on are even better lit by the wards other people who have traveled ahead of me have placed. So if even I think there are unknowns I should pursue, if even I think that the path I am on has not yet ended, will split into more, if thinner and less well-traveled, footpaths, why should Hai’s path have ended at 22? Why should we have thought that one peak was enough, or that he needed to have peaked at all?

In America, at least, how we read any great athlete’s ending still seems influenced by Michael Jordan’s merciless stage-managing of his own second retirement. . . . Hit the last shot, seize the title, never lose, never show weakness, end on a big banging chord that the audience remembers forever; then you’re a champion for all time, in the same way Cheers never closes. That this is, actually, such an impossibly grotesque and dehumanizing approach that not even Michael Jordan could resist coming back to screw it up should possibly tell us something. But there it is, an ideal that every generational-apex-type star has to contend with on some level.

- Brian Phillips, “The Sun Never Sets: On Roger Federer, Endings, and Wimbledon”

Self-confidence is a double-edged sword: it means you're not afraid of failure, but it also means failure shakes your sense of self. I think of it like the reverse imposter syndrome: instead of play-acting the successful person, always afraid that you'll be caught out faking, you can't recognize the person who is actually losing. An in-game dysmorphia. "Is that defeat really me? Why does no one believe me when I say I can still win?"

But then he gets off a boat, comes home to a struggling team. He feels his competitiveness kick in, almost a chemical thing, and he starts working out, and he wonders: Could he play at 50? What would he do against LeBron?

What if?

"It's consumed me so much," he says. "I'm my own worst enemy. I drove myself so much that I'm still living with some of those drives. I'm living with that. I don't know how to get rid of it. I don't know if I could. And here I am, still connected to the game."

He thinks about the things Phil Jackson taught him. Jackson always understood him and wasn't afraid to poke around inside Jordan. Once during his ritual of handing out books for his players to read, he gave Jordan a book about gambling. It's a Zen koan Jordan needs now, in this new challenge: To find himself, he must lose himself. Whenever he obsesses about returning to play, he tries to sleep, knowing that when he wakes up, things will be better. He knows he won't get to 218. He knows he won't ever play pro basketball again. He knows he's got to quiet these drives, to find a way to live the life he worked so hard to create, to be still.

- Wright Thompson, "Michael Jordan has Not Left The Building”

Maybe that's why the greats keep coming back. They can't recognize the person who isn't playing the game as them. In retiring and hoping they can "find themselves," the self they find is a stranger who shares their body. As Kien Lam wrote, “There was supposed to be relief in retirement. And yet he cried.” Not content to rest on what they've accomplished, always sure they could accomplish more, they put on the clothes of the game or team that felt most like them.  

While on the Wizards, Michael Jordan was just average. They never made it to playoffs. Yellowstar on TSM frustrated everyone, including himself; on 2016 Fnatic, he was joyless. Federer is still winning, but as Brian Phillips points out, it's no longer effortless, invincible, second to religious certainty. Even with all these narratives, though, it's still the nature of the fan to hope for the impossible and the impeccable -- that their hero remains unbeatable from beginning to end, never having to suffer the indignity of loss. We don't want to see someone struggling to find themselves; even here, we prefer the Faker of 2013, tearing through an unbeatable run to Worlds, and not the Faker of 2014, struggling against Samsung White. We want to see them fully formed, like Venus arriving in the arms of Nike -- well, this metaphor is getting away from me.

Fans have an idealized narrative that sports heroes are supposed to follow. The seasoned veteran works excruciatingly long hours to achieve an end, he climbs the ranks and makes a name for himself. When he’s reached his peak, when he’s won it all, he retires gracefully because he can rest well on his laurels.

That ending can also be that of a coward who is afraid to want to achieve more. YellOwStaR was no coward. He didn't quit at his peak; he kept doing what he loved until he became weary of the game. His final year in the LCS was a disappointment, likely not just for his fans but for the widely celebrated support player himself. But no pro should know his limit until he reaches it and the drive to push it vanishes. That sort of heroism is what kept us searching for YellOwStaR's face when the camera panned away from the Nexus to show us the emotions of the players and the crowd.

- Kelsey Moser, "YellOwStaR's final year”

C9 is playing FlyQuest tomorrow. It's possible by the time you read this, you'll already know the results. Did Hai win? Did he body Jensen? Did he show that OG C9 is still the best C9, that greatness, even in league, can be intrinsic, and not just a function of taking advantage of the meta or drafting into OP champs?

Or was FlyQuest just a fluke? Did C9 stomp over them? Has their ceiling been reached? Was it too much to expect that our past can be equal to the present, that the young won't always bury the old?

I want Hai to succeed, not because I respect him as a player, or because I think that storyline is the most interesting for the casual viewer like me, even though those things are both true. I want him to succeed for purely personal, petty reasons: I like Hai, I see in Hai something of me, and I want him to carry that small part of my investment to a victory over the current best team in NA LCS, to spring split playoffs -- hell, even to worlds. I want a mouthy, hyper-competitive, scrawny-as-fuck Asian-American man to be an inspiration. I want to prove that League of Legends is not just a young person’s game. I want to make Kien Lam happy.

If YellOwStaR had retired at the end of 2015, I would always wonder what he could have achieved in 2016. Romantic notions are one thing, but the reality of watching him confront difficulty this year, of accepting that he had struggled and failed to replicate results, was almost more fulfilling. I will always remember that in his final year of professional play, YellOwStaR wanted to keep playing and challenged himself until he came to a realization he felt too exhausted to continue. . . . YellOwStaR simply dared to dream. It would do us well to remember that, sometimes, to fail is also heroic. (KM)

I can’t speak for you, but me? I’ll take Federer’s version. Before we even get to the question of whether being no. 2 for a long time and winning minor tournaments enhances or damages the résumé of someone who was once no. 1 and winning majors, what I find most admirable in Federer’s late career is simply the vision of freedom it implies. The idea that you can make your own way. That you don’t have to give up what you love simply because you’re told to. That what hurts you might also fulfill you, or even make you happy, because life is not simple. (BP)

But reading about Yellowstar and Federer, I'm comforted by the feeling that failure is not always failure. More than "loss is improve," failure is a door to other opportunities. It frees us from the prison of thinking we gave up too soon. It closes the path behind us, so that we can't keep turning back. And it forces us to find what is next, be it the analyst's desk, the coach's chair backstage, or, in Hai's case, right back to where he started.

This is why I feel for people who've been fringe LCS players for a long time. I wonder what kinds of things they've given up to just chase the dream. What are they eating? What's their living situation? And in the long run, maybe it's worth it. (KL)

Here's to standing at that precipice, seeing the darkness, and vaulting face-forward into that pitch-black unknowing anyway. Here's to failing as a way of discovering yourself, not in the way defeat helps young players to grow, but in the way losing helps us make piece with our limitations, even our eventual mortality. Here's to playing for yourself, because you don't owe anyone anything, not a good game, not a graceful game, not even a mediocre one. Here's to Yellowstar who put his own demons to rest. And here's to Hai, who chased his dream to the end and back again, who stands before us on Sunday not the idealized sports hero but my ideal sports hero. Good luck, buddy.