#also i may delete this later it’s just that my notes app is playing up

[potato-jem]

it’s just

me, my body and the ceiling fan.

me, my body and the november heat.

me, my body and the silent flashes of lightning.

me, my body and day old bedsheets.

me, my body and the dull ache at the bottom of my spine

me, my body and the blankets they’re both trapped in.

me, my body and the dark.

it’s just me and my body

alone in a room together,

wondering if they’ll ever get along.

[accio-victuuri]

BoXiao : Endorsement CPNs

Just listing a few of my favorites, where we clowned so hard with what appears to be bxg biased signs from brands. Mostly 2020-2021. This was supposed to be a simple post but it got a little bit out of hand. So. Here you go. Enjoy!

Note: If you don’t like CPN posts, just scroll along. If you don’t like BJYX — this is not for you. don’t hurt yourself and skip this post.

1. RoseOnly - I will not add the RoseOnly x Peace Elite collaboration here anymore cause most of the people reading this should be familiar. A little bit of my thoughts on that are here.

Now let’s move on to other clownery, cause when I said we did see some 👀 before, I meant it.

• GG’s campaign with them where he showcased a bunny with rainbow colored flowers. They could be showcasing all the kind of flowers they have or LGBT friendly advertising. After all, All love is love. 🌈

• For Roseonly’s 8th anniversary, GG had a campaign and VCR w/ them and that big 8 flower. 8 means bo. It’s truly used for the anniversary but of course we CPN cause we are clowns.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwGnDR4zspI

• During Web’s promo for rules of my world and when his teaser photos came out— RoseOnly released a photo of a black rose ( same color as Web’s clothes in the teaser ) with the caption:

You’re the coolest guy in my heart.

• When they were doing a teaser for their new endorser, some people were pointing out that the silhouette looks like Bobo. lol. Twins!

• All the references to the Lonely Planet and Little Prince for this promotion. We all know that they both love LP and whether this is CPN or a personal preference— we’re claiming it!

• The green rose they once advertised with the caption I ONLY LOVE YOU. and with the green rose symbolizing innocence, simplicity and forever young. Green and those keywords, who do you remember?

• In 2019, they did a selling bundle with Shu Uemura which was a brand Web was endorsing at that time.

• In a live, the color green and red rose were together — GG and Web colors.

• An Ad in their online store where the display is the Leo rose which is Bobo’s zodiac sign. and GG is holding Libra. Leo x Libra. And with the caption below for their advertisement. We know Web is the Leo of all Leos but it’s still 👀

The proud Leo has a child-like arrogant temper. Some people think they are not easy to get along with, but they don’t know that they just have not entered their hearts. Actually, Leo’s tenderness is only for the right person.

Some other thing that I will add here for reference but I don’t necessarily believe. Link from weibo.

• When GG was announced as their brand spokesperson and Web gave a clue in his post. Also GG making 3 different posts and kadian combinations.

I’m adding in this collab they had with Eleme, the same time Web was endorsing the brand.

I’m sure I missed a couple more from RoseOnly but that just depends on how clear your BXG glasses are. To me the most important is their Lonely Planet / Star campaign with GG last year.

2. Shu Uemura - This is one of the OG brands that Web endorses and who loves him very much. They signed him when he was not yet a big star and flew him to different countries. They treat him very well. 🤍

• The most recent one is from their Ad with Bobo and a red ribbon which made us all think of WWX. I can understand from an Ad perspective that it’s perfect to pair up with a red lipstick — but our brains are wired to CPN. Soooo. And this is not their first offense with stuff like this.

• This Ad featuring Bobo : - "博"君一笑 BJYX.

• For the promotion photos of this eyeshadow palette, the colors and look is similar to GG’s painting for the Guangdian album cover. Yes. This was done some time after the song was released.

• This one is more of a coincidence. Years apart, both on the same day, they posted about a collaboration with One piece. It’s their favorite Anime. GG as Luffy & Web as Roronoa Zoro.

3. Qeelin -  will be very lazy with this one and copy/paste from my jewelry post. Take note that this Bobo design is not new and had always been a classic from Qeelin.

4. Kai Xiao Zao - Ah! KXZ! The brand that loves GG the most. So what signs did they give?

• Their recent new product is wontons. Who do we know that likes wontons? It reminded BXGs of the unofficial BTS when Web was nagging GG to eat Wontons.

• They used a well known BXG idiom:

"你是夏日限定, 也是来日方长"

5. Chunzhen - Endorsed by Bobo, and this is under Mengniu. It caused some drama— cause GG & Web are technically promoting the same company. but like, there are so many other c-ent artists endorsing this brand.

• They posted for this year’s Qixi, stating in the Caption that Bobo is able to balance love and work. Really? How did they know? And they had made a character called XIAO ZHEN for qixi ( a cartoon girl with blue hair ).

• Zhenguoli ( endorsed by GG ) and Chunzhen drinks which are under the same company posted graphics of the two drinks together. 👀

• Also since it’s both under the same umbrella company, and both yogurt drinks— you can see their boxes together in shops.

6. Stride - In Bobo’s box set initial release, 3 flavors were included and one of them is passionfruit or bai xiang guo ( bxg ). Of course, bxgs bought it because we were represented. ✌🏼

Also in a message, the brand acknowledged BXGs but later had to delete it because of well— you know who.

Dear Moto/Passion Fruit fans,

Thank you for your support to Hyunmai's spokesperson~. The gift box endorsed by Yibo is temporarily sold out, it is recommended You first collect and purchase, if it is sold later.

Please buy it as soon as possible~

7. Swarovski -  endorsed by Web 🤍

• They had turtle charms and bracelets, which endeared them to BXGs.

• They had a bracelet where you can put charms and in their Ad, it spells YIBO. of course. However a BXG noticed that on their recommended letters to add next, the letters are XZ + heart with a dot.

• Last year’s promotion of a lock necklace— Web changed his Weibo header. ‘Lock love, lock you.’

• His May 2020 Mother’s day promotion video that includes a confession (?). I know this is far off but the line used:

“ I love you, want you to see. I am Wang Yibo, this is my unique confession" is so similar to GG’s Bazaar confession.

8. Budweiser -- What we basically CPN about them is that they are an LGBT friendly brand and it’s always a plus when our boys endorse those kind of companies.

• Here you can find the CPN on the can that GG supposedly created with them.

• Their ad about ALL LOVE IS LOVE.•

 An earlier Ad that had two male leads. and another one recently released with same sex couple. 🌈

Also they did a collab with G-shock which is a brand that Web endorses.

9. Man Han Feast Noodles

• The most recent one is GG playing the Guqin ala LWJ and looking out the window to see the moon ( again ala LWJ ). Best part is GG looking like he would burst out laughing and they kept in the Ad.

• In their Mother’s Day post one line says “if you love someone you’ll always encourage them to eat more”. Sounds like a familiar gesture right? Who do we know nags each other to eat?

10. Zenith Do I even have to explain this? 

• GG chose a rainbow watch from Zenith collection for Qixi Festival. 🌈

11. Mengniu - Oh well, just last week they had to clarify as an Ad from them was seen with the words: "并肩于雪山之巅" = BJYXSZD. (Side by Side at the snowy mountain top)

12. Anta/ Li-ning - I’m adding it here cause the store owners in this video brought out GG/Web standees together 😂 Context is, there was a BJYX gathering going on so they took that out cause they knew the attendees loved them.

Plus this shopping app that put them together.

I’m capping this post here and will update this sometime in the future. However the ones I added here stood out to me or I experienced when it came out. I wanted to add Luckin Tea / Lays / Olay but that will be for another time.

As with all the CPN, feel free to not believe any of these and just take it as a coincidence. Or people clowning and reading into things more than they should. lol. Whether these are intentional or not, BXGs are always there to support the boys whenever they can. 🙏🏼

[professionalsimpfor2dboys]

uhh .. any tips on how to play obey me 😀 LMFAO its so confusing ,, do I just play the main story and ignore the chats bc main story stuff hasn't happened to me and I think I read way too far ahead??, sorry if this is sudden LMFAO

hii!!

okie, so some tips!

so, the chats that pop up usually don’t really pertain to the main story anyway & are just for fun most of the time. I believe most chats are time-based, so you likely won’t be getting chats that are past your current place in the main story unless a certain amount of time has past! so, you can read them no problem most of the time since they’re mostly just for fun fillers and such!

in terms of winning dance battles in order to get to the next main story part, your cards are EXTREMELY important!

you can acquire cards from gacha pulls in Nightmare (as you likely already know) and also by combining card pieces that you obtain from “pop quizzes” which are essentially special events that are available for a certain timeframe.

(If you haven’t noticed, parts of the story & dance battles are called “lessons” & events are called “pop quizzes” since it’s supposed to be that we are attending RAD and doing schoolwork there.)

From highest level to lowest in terms of card rarity (ie. power potential) is UR+/UR, SSR, SR, R, & then N (anything below SSR doesn’t matter in terms of using for dance battles BUT some of them have wallpapers, outfits, & chats that you can unlock in “Devil Tree” which I will get to later!

Basically, you should prioritize leveling up your highest power potential cards first! I recommend having a strong enough card in each sin category since each dance battle varies in what sin they focus on (which you can see in the top right corner of each dance battle panel), which is Red: Gluttony, Blue: Pride, Yellow: Greed, Green: Wrath, Pink: Lust, Orange: Envy, & Purple: Sloth. It also helps to have two strong cards for each sin but with different characters on them since then they both can be used in the dance battle that wants that sin, but that’s more for when you already have strong cards & have the time to level up more. It also may help leveling up your cards with the best special skills! Any special skill that bans the opponent’s skills are extremely helpful, but honestly just having high level cards is the most important.

In order to continuously keep leveling your cards, you will need to unlock places in Devil Tree that you do so by using Grimm (easy obtainable through clearing lessons you’ve already obtained 2 or 3 stars on by clicking the Clear x5 button, though note that this uses AP, or through “:D Jobs”) and also items used to strengthen cards (they vary, but are usually obtainable through specific lessons that give those specific items or during Levi’s Otaku Boot Camp that comes around every once & a while to help with getting these items. it will tell you if you have the correct amount to unlock spaces in Devil Tree & if you don’t then it will show you specific lessons that give you those items).

Memory cards are also really important (but your main cards should be your priority nonetheless). You can obtain memory cards through “Chapter M” in “Nightmare” and they essentially work the same as cards.

There are also items called “glow sticks” that help you win dance battles that you buy from “Akuzon” with Devil Points. They’re extremely helpful, especially once you hit about lesson 30. I, personally, always only buy rainbow ones since they strengthen your cards much more than the other colors and pertain to everyone, even though they cost more it’s worth it in terms of strengthening.

During dance battles, you’ll see bars under your characters (on the ride side) that pertain to when their special attacks are ready. I recommend clicking them as soon as they are ready, so there is more time for the bar to regenerate & for them to be able to use their special attacks again.

so, yeah! that should be the basics & what is the overall priority of obey me! I hope it helped & promise you’ll get the hang of it lickety-split!

here are some actual “tip-tips” that are really helpful to know: (these are actually really helpful)

you are essentially given a free 18 devil points EVERY DAY by completing 7 of your daily to-dos, which are very easy to complete! I recommend doing it everyday bc it really adds up! (the daily to-dos refresh at 11 pm)

If you’re struggling with not having enough AP, then there is a deal that saves Devil Points that available once daily. Once depleting your AP to below 10 I believe, they will offer you 600 AP & some Grimm for only about 10 Devil Points. TAKE IT! It’s a wayyy better deal than manually buying AP with Devil Points.

Similar to the last tip, you can save money on rainbow glow sticks once every day. Simply lose a dance battle (making sure you have at least 20 Devil points) and they will offer a deal for 5 rainbow glow sticks, some Grimm, & some AP all for just 20 Devil points! mind you, one rainbow glow stick from Akuzon is 6 Devil points so do the math.

You’re smiley face character doesn’t ALWAYS dictate if you’re going to win the dance battle or not. The smiley face can be blue & crying & you can still win as long as you look at your opponents’ special skills & your total strength is only a few thousand points below that of the opponents. I recommend your smiley face character to be smiley when the opponents have any stun, paralyze, or confusion special skill that keeps your characters from being able to use their special attack. You can gauge how many glow sticks or leveling up you need by just going into the dance battle with either nothing or a few non-rainbow glow sticks equipped & seeing how far away you are from the line/the opponents special attack pattern.

Since the opponents’ special attacks pattern usually changes with every attempt at a dance battle, some of their patterns may be more advantageous to you than the others. If you have rainbow glow sticks equipped & believe you can win by trying again, simply close out of the game completely and reopen it. It will ask if you want to resume where you left off which you will click “resume” to & then it will restart the battle with your glow sticks still intact. This had saved me so many times. ESPECIALLY LESSON 4O’s BOSS BATTLE LEGIT JUST KEEP DOING IT OVER & OVER & YOULL EVENTUALLY GET IT!!

In terms of the fun customization part of Obey Me like the profile pics, Majolish outfits & wallpapers, special chats, etc. I found it extremely helpful to just go through Majolish & click on the item you want. It will tell you the card you can get it from & whether you have it or not!

Oh, & choosing the characters with sparkles around them for :D Jobs gives more of a chance of special drops!

Make sure to make a obey me save password for if you ever delete the app/get a new phone! They also reward you with 30 Devil Points if you do so, so there’s rly no point not to.

For surprise guest combos, you either memorize them or find them on google. But I can give you the main ones here off the top of my head:

Any of the brothers if they ask for a high-five EXCEPT FOR LUCIFER, SATAN, & BEEL: high-five, Head-rub, Head-rub

If Lucifer or Satan ask for a high-five: high-five, YOUR right/THEIR left shoulder TAP, hand tap (they usually have it on top of their chest)

If Beel asks for a high-five: high-five, chest-rub, chest-rub

Mammon if he says “muahahaha”: Head-rub, YOUR right/HIS LEFT arm rub, face-rub

Lucifer if you get 3 stars but he doesn’t ask for a high-five: lip-rub, Head-tap, Hand-tap

I think that’s all I can think of for now! maybe I’ll add more if it pops up! I hope this helped & sorry it got so long haha. I hope anyone who reads this enjoys Obey Me as much as I do! I honestly can’t wait for their sheep plushies I KNOW they’re inevitably going to come out with :D

[pontevoix]

headcanons from @pridewon : okay i’m like a week late but i wanted to send you things for the headcanons meme: 1. when they’re bored and there’s nothing to watch on tv in the evenings, shirabu and goshiki play those board games that are basically truth or dare (with drinks if shirabu drinks alcohol too) and they always find out really wild or stupid details about each other, 2. yamaguchi’s parents have been on the brink of divorce for years, and one time when tsukishima was over at their house, the boys heard them arguing. yamaguchi rarely invited tsukishima again after that, and invited himself over at the tsukishima’s instead. after highschool, he tries making up for it by constantly reminding tsukishima he can come over to his place instead whenever he wants (and may try baiting him with his favourite fods or movies) 3. kuroo has the (very) annoying habit of sending tsukishima jokes, puns, and various anecdotes at the most random times (usually when he’s bored between flights or at the office or a work function). tsukishima will be minding his own business, or sleeping, when suddenly *ding* “hey tsukishima, did you know that slugs have four noses?”. he has yet to determine which ones prompt a reaction and which ones get him blocked. (i wanted to send more for other dynamics but my brain fried forgive me)

tihdfgsdfgdf i’m basically a year late responding to this but let me absolutely say that these are here to make my day i feel very passionately about all of these things

absolutely yes sdfg shirabu has differing levels of appreciation for those games. in groups, he hates them & still plays & sometimes lies. one on one, he grumbles. he says, ‘ to hell with it, we can do checkers or cards. ‘ shirabu turns it into a drinking game or a personal challenge. from there he gets caught into game mode & is down with the truth or dare-esque games & somehow ??? he never expects to be startled by goshiki but you never know. on a similar note, as much as shirabu is not a huge fan of phone games, he goes through a phase about . . . once every three months where he just really wants to play word games on the phone. in which case, congratulations goshiki: you’ve been roped into words with friends. & no, goshiki, you will not win. however, shirabu did play against his kid brother once & his brother won mysteriously with a word that . . . neither of them knew . . . & shirabu almost deleted the app.

yamaguchi we love you ssdfg. tsukishima’s father doesn’t live at home; his parents are still married, they have waning affection for one another (??) but — his father works in the city. when tsukishima was at yamaguchi’s house & heard yamaguchi’s parents fighting, he wasn’t judgmental but he was a little startled because it’s just… different sounds than his own home. even with that, he could tell it made yamaguchi uncomfortable. because tsukishima was… himself & because he was younger there, he didn’t really know what to do about it, so they didn’t talk about it. he pretended not to notice how they always wound up at tsukishima’s house & he genuinely didn’t notice yamaguchi trying to make up for it. every time yamaguchi started to try baiting him to come over, tsukishima just ??? wow guess he’s in a good mood today ???  & part of this confusion really comes from the fact that tsukishima never felt unwelcome at yamaguchi’s house; it just hadn’t been the better pick for the two of them at that point.

kuroo is the reason tsukishima has his phone on do not disturb after 10pm lmao that’s all i got. but . . . to be fair, kuroo is also the reason ( one of the reasons ) that tsukishima leaves his read receipts on.  just so kuroo really sees that tsukishima isn’t amused. the fun facts he usually tucks away in the corner of his brain to fact check later,  & he does read the anecdotes, & he regrets seeing the jokes. & though he has learned not to trust anything when kuroo’s name pops up in his notifications list, he only blocks him sometimes & if he responds . . . it’ll be three hours late with a link to a whole ass article about slugs or a political analysis. here’s something you can do with your time, tsukishima says in this way & clucks his tongue in dramatic reprimand.

[arcadialedger]

Please note that I am most likely leaving this platform. I am done being abused. But first? We need to have a discussion. A discussion about hate and bullying in fandom.

All online-- I encourage you to read my story below. Reblog and spread awareness. The Dragon Prince fandom especially -- I implore you read my words, every single one of them. The short of it is that I am done. 

This all began with losing and being blocked by a friend because I shared something they disagreed with. I don’t care what you feel about my initial reaction to this (which I’ll explain below) -- I’ve apologized for not handling the situation correctly. But I will not be shamed for speaking my mind and standing up for myself.

Because no human being deserves to go through what I have endured since last summer.

Following the “callout” post made about me by one of, if not the largest blogs in this fandom, I received hundreds of threats, harassment messages, and death threats. Messages and posts telling me to kill myself were also prominent, on a multiple times a week basis for awhile.

Messages from people who were well aware I have struggled with being suicidal. Due to one of their favorite Dragon Prince blogs speaking out against me, they thought it was okay to suicide bait me.

And it worked. I already struggle with hating myself, am already insecure, and being flooded with these comments which, while I made mistakes, did nothing to deserve, drove me to try and take my own life after years of progress in my mental health.  

Mind you, this is like a 200 follower to 4k follower power dynamic. Which yes, plays a role-- because when you have a large following and influence, you have power. Yet the person behind this had the gall to claim Tumblr clout isn’t real.

People blocking and condemning others instantly at your word? Is power. If people read your words and are influenced, or have their minds changed, or buy or don’t buy something, etc.-- you are an influencer. You have power. And when you’re one of the largest blogs in a fandom, you have a LOT of power.

So take responsibility. 

I was hurt because I lost a friend who I had chatted with for months, did a podcast with, and was generally not only one of my favorite blogs but the center of my experience in the Dragon Prince. I may not have been perfect in my words, but when I was asked why I was quiet/ inactive, I explained how I was hurting, anonymously. I was understandably in pain and upset. I had been cut off for just having a different opinion on a matter, for thinking differently. Even though it was within their rights to block and do so, it felt wrong and it weighed on me.

Is that such a crime?

The callout post and previously described abuse followed, lasting for months until later in the year (this began in June, or around then). It also included screenshots of tweets, when this user does not have Tumblr, and they have stated to have screenshots stored up on their computer of my various posts and interactions. This is creepy behavior, and freaked me out. I felt like I was being stalked, “evidence” being filed away for the very purpose of being used against me. 

I eventually talked things out with the blog per recommendation of my therapist, and thought all would be fine. For a little while, it was. I largely stayed off of Tumblr to heal. Once in awhile I would have a rough, tearful night because something reminded me of what I lost, but I would make it through. Overall, I was making progress.

Then? My Twitter got hacked by one of the people sending me hate. For what had turned out to be much. And after they tweeted some purposefully incriminating and bigoted things to make me look bad, I came home from a weekend in the mountains to a shitstorm.

Twitter has a love hate relationship for me and I barely opened the app unless actively chatting with a friend. So when I saw 700+ notifications, I was surprised. It had never happened before.

I began to scroll through, and when I saw what had happened, I ran to the bathroom and threw up.

I had lost over half of my followers and a solid 60% of previous Twitter mutuals had blocked me. But worst of all, I had hundreds of hate tweets directed at me replying to the hackers tweets. Messages had been sent in DMs and accounts blocked, followed, and unfollowed as well.

If you have never felt that loss of agency-- that sickening feeling of words you never said next to your profile-- be glad. Because it is traumatic. I value my words. I value what I have to say. And having that taken from me was worse than anything I had been through here on Tumblr, outside of the suicide baiting (the most direct attack to me and my emotions/ insecurities throughout this entire ordeal). Further, this hacker had clearly stalked my tweets based on some of their comments. 

Hundreds of tweets bashing me, calling me aphobic slurs (knowing I am asexual mind you, as it was in my bio), making fun of my appearance and targeting all of the insecurities which lead to my first suicide attempt in high school, and taking/ editing images of my face and mocking them. This all culminated in a doxing threat-- a doxing threat which made me feel unsafe on a campus I had already been sexually assaulted on. I was once again, after starting the healing process, thrusted back into the darkest time of my life and spiraled into anxiety and depression. I cried a lot overwhelmed by it all, had difficulty sleeping, and felt sick. I started fall semester and couldn’t concentrate on school. I was a mess.

I had once again been condemned, this time for something I had no part in. I tried to example what happened but nobody listened. I had been hung without trial. People were understandably confused, and my entire reputation on the platform, and my page, became a mess of lies, misunderstandings, and more.

If you don’t know the feeling of already hating yourself and being insecure, and having these beliefs reinforced and spread by hundreds publicly across the internet? Of already feeling lonely and unwanted and having the one space you thought you had taken from you? Consider yourself lucky. 

I had a lot of voice actors and creators following me-- accounts I interacted and greatly cherished my mutual with. A handful of them unfollowed, understandably. This online hate mob was sending messages to people demanding they unfollow me, including some of these creators. They had no idea what to make of this mess or what was real and true and just didn’t want to deal with it. Most of the others just stopped interacting with me. @aaronwaltke (tagging so those who don’t follow already click and do so, because he is absolutely fantastic-- he’s a writer for ToA)  who had followed me on the platform, graciously wished me peace with the entire situation after I checked to make sure he had not been subjected to messages or hate, either from my hacker or other accounts. His was the greatest compassion I got on Twitter, before I ultimately ended up just having to delete.

I lost podcast deals because of this with Adrian Petriw, Aaron Ehasz, and Justin Richmond. I do not blame them one bit and would have done the same in the confusion not wanting to get dragged into anything. 

Only to have one of the friends I lost who helped start this interview these very people on their own podcasts. A slap in the face. A zine I had bought to support them came to my door, with the front page proclaiming to “spread a narrative of love.”

I was never granted that chance. That compassion. I had the vultures sent after me with no mercy. And anyone who has been through online abuse and systemic harassment knows just how much it feels like they’re slowly but surely picking at your flesh ( a metaphor I used in one of my old, since deleted posts discussing the situation, and still find accurate), wearing you down until you have no strength left.

Make no mistake, my story is not a one off situation. Many share the same tale of abuse and being driven off of platforms that once gave them great joy. These attacks are coordinated, systemic, and common hobby for these people-- who largely claim to be loving and accepting of all. They are a cyberbullying phenomenon which has risen with the presence of fandom on the internet. And I want to make clear, with current discussions of “cancel culture”, I mean nothing political in that statement. Some might call my experience cancel culture, but I don’t.

It’s just bullying. It’s just hate. These people get off on ruining people’s lives.

And my life was greatly set back and ruined. I had a stain on my past in fandom I could never be rid of. I had to shut down my podcast, took time off of all social media, and most of what I had built, most of my growth, was taken from me while those who incited and/ or spread hate thrived and continued to grow and find success. That was the greatest sting of all. 

I asked the one previous friend who hadn’t blocked me, but had just stopped interacting with me (which I understood and respected, and also greatly respected her perspective, help, and support though this situation in which she largely unfortunately ended up in the middle) for help after explaining everything, and got nothing. They didn’t seem to care, and just blocked me on all platforms. Once in awhile, I would find I was cut off from yet another old friend, or a blog that I had never interacted with before but clicked into, interested. It hurt being cut off, unable to fully interact with the fandom, but I could move on.

That pain would never go away, but I made clear I did not blame them for the actions of those who abused, harassed, and threatened me. I also made it clear they did not owe me anything, including unblocking. 

I just wanted to move on peacefully, but those with the power to enable that did not wish to help. I slowly, when I felt ready, began to be more active on Tumblr again, and once again the hate started up. 

Sometimes when I was hurting, I expressed my pain and loss to my followers just to reach out, because I was sad. I had no idea how to rebuild from all that had happened. This got me more hate an accusations of emotional manipulation and gaslighting. I had no idea what to do, and got trapped in a cycle of needing to talk about it, and getting hate and backlash, but not knowing where else I could turn. 

My doxer came back into my asks, ultimately making me switch schools, and refueled the drama. Speaking up about this got me more backlash-- mostly accounts reblogging (one with tags saying “fuck you”, despite not knowing the full story, and commenting and then blocking me so I could do nothing to respond or get it off of my page. I deleted all posts of the matter, as requested by these people (who validly pointed out they were in the main fandom tags, which I hadn’t thought of and understood), and hoped to move on.

But it hasn’t stopped. I have been beaten down and emotionally bruised for months. I have had my life and safety threatened, my education and by extension life path altered, and lost work (podcast) opportunities due to this-- alongside the irreversible emotional damage from trauma and abuse. My mental health issues and insecurities-- which I have been very open about to destigmatize the subjects and encourage conversation-- were actively targeted to inflict the most pain possible. 

And I can’t even talk about it, without enduring more hate and accusations of “playing the victim”.

Death threats, suicide baiting, doxing, months of bullying and harassment to the most vile degree, which a lot of these people don’t know about because they don’t even bother to read my words. Yet I’m playing the victim. 

And the accusations of bigotry and being hateful hurt, because it couldn’t be further from what is in my heart. I believing in love and acceptance of all. I don’t know how many are religious here, but I found God after my first suicide attempt and that is what his word has taught me. 

I’ve been through too much in life to tolerate this, for lack of a more eloquent term, bullshit. I know what abuse and victim blaming looks like when I see it. And in my 20 years of life, I have gone through too much: constant ridicule and bullying, suicide attempts, sexual assault, major spinal surgery, to just be stomped over and not stand up for my right to basis human decency. 

I refuse to put up with this, so unless I get an apology and some semblance of justice for everything I have been through, I am leaving. I will not participate in a space run by hate and toxicity. I will never claim to be perfect, and I have apologized for my mistakes and wrongdoings. Now, hold those who did this accountable. If you’re reading this you know very well who it was, and I am not naming them for those who don’t. Because at the end of the day I still send nothing but love and wish no ill will towards them.

But I’ll be damned if I don’t expect accountability of one of the greatest influencers in the fandom for their complacency in abuse, threats, suicide baiting, and and absolute ruining of my life and online experience. They enabled this and were well aware they had the power to stop it-- to ask their followers to stop-- and did nothing. They didn’t care-- about a human’s life and well being. 

@dragonprinceofficial, are you aware that this is what many of the fans of your show, which preaches love and an end to the cycle of vengeance, do to others? That this is happening in your space? If you stand at all by the values you preach, condemn it. @staffTumblr/ @supportTumblr-- shame on you for allowing this abuse to happen and ignoring my reports. Shame on you for permitting these people to operate in your platform and for being okay with hosting hate. People have been driven to suicide on your website-- I am one of the lucky ones. 

If you care at all about humanity and stand against this behavior, reblog and spread awareness. Share my story so I may not happen to anyone else. Tag @dragonprinceofficial until they notice and speak out. 

This is my story, and so many others. Make sure it doesn’t happen ever again. No human being deserves to be treated how I was. Everyone deserves compassion, decency, and respect. And everyone deserves a place in fandom. Do better. If you want to reach out to me DMs are open, as well as my email, which is attached to my account. Until this change happens and I am given the support/ help needed to safely function on this platform, this blog will not be active outside of that. 

Thank you all of the many accounts who have supported me, and I am working on getting back to all who have reached out! Your love means the world. You know who you are, and I don’t want to tag in case people come after you for showing me kindness. I am sorry if this is goodbye, to all that have enjoyed my blog. I enjoyed it for a long time  too. I loved sharing my passion for stories, culture, having a space where I could analyze and discuss my favorite things.  I loved getting to share what I had to offer with the world, having fun and posting jokes with my unique sense of humor. I loved interacting with intelligent people/ fellow fans and discussing my favorite stories, offering each other new insights and growing together. I loved the many, many kind and wonderful people who reached out to me in a variety of ways and provided support and friendship.

In the end, it just isn’t worth all of this pain and trauma, and I know when to put my foot down. I don’t want pity, I don’t want apologizes, and I’m not a martyr. I just want my story to make a difference-- to spur positive change in fandom culture/ spaces.  I will be tagging all fandoms in which I have seen this kind of abuse present as well, to reach as many as possible. 

Be safe, and be kind.

- The Arcadia Ledger/ Ryn/ Katie, signing off.

[twolonesomestars]

BJYX III

Japan Trip

This is a compilation post explaining the Japan trip and related theories (along with my own thoughts). Most of the theories in here are well-known. If you know the general gist of the Japan trip, you probably won’t see anything new.

Warning: This is all fake. Don’t take what I say to heart. These are just my random thoughts.

Extremely long post. Please beware.

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All my explanations and thoughts will be bracketed and italicized: [like this]. If you would like to just read about the theories, ignore the bracketed and italicized bits.

I suggest reading all of the theories first and creating your own opinion on the trip before reading my commentary, especially if you’re a new fan. (AKA ignore the bracketed & italicized parts for now).

[One last thing before I start (and a test for those who want to read the theories first… ignore this for now): I believe this Japan trip changed their relationship… In that, I believe they began their romantic relationship after this trip. A quick timeline mention: truthfully, their relationship before and during CQL filming isn’t too important for this theory. However, I do believe that there was some sort of confession from WYB at the end of filming, which may have played a role in XZ’s decision to take the trip to Japan. I’ll provide my reasoning later in the post. All my explanations and thoughts are going to be based on these particular assumptions; although, I will try to include rebuttals & explanations based on countering arguments.]

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OUTLINE

DATES

PRE-JAPAN TRIP

Character Bleed Changed Phone Number

MID-JAPAN TRIP

XZ’s 180911 Post + Story

POST-JAPAN TRIP

XZ’s 180913 Post & Story XZ’s 181119 Post WYB’s 181119 Post Time Gap WYB’s 190322 Post

FINAL THOUGHTS

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Let’s get into it!

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DATES:

180416 - 180823 Filming for CQL

180908 - 180912 XZ’s Japan trip

180913 - XZ posted his 521st Weibo post & 18th Weibo story

181005 - XZ’s Birthday

181119 @ 17:42 - XZ’s Japan trip post

181119 @ 18:47 - WYB’s response post

190322 - WYB’s Rome trip post

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PRE-JAPAN TRIP:

Character Bleed

XZ’s reasoning behind his Japan trip in this interview @ 9:31

XZ explicitly says, “I told myself I had to walk out of it.” His reasoning being, “[I had to] leave him there. [I had to] return him to the one he loves.”

You can unpack a lot from that. I got two main things from it:

(“I had to walk out of it”): you can assume that XZ took everything from WWX and made it his own, including, and specifically, WWX’s love for LWJ. Essentially, by the end of filming, XZ himself was in love with LWJ.

(“return him to the one he loves”): XZ separates himself very clearly from WWX. He points out his reasoning to walk it off is him wanting to return WWX to the one he loves… the implication is that he figured out he doesn’t love the one WWX loves.

[The reason I think there was some sort of confession at the end of filming that pushed XZ to take this trip and figure himself out is because he already knew he loved LWJ. I think he may have attributed any romantic feelings he felt towards WYB to the fact that he plays the character he loves. So, if WYB confessed to wanting to pursue a romantic relationship with him, it makes sense that XZ would hesitate. I doubt he’d want to lead WYB on just to later realize all of his feelings were for LWJ and not him. I’m sure XZ would’ve walked off WWX eventually, but I think he did it as quickly as he could to give a certain person (and himself) answers.

Obviously, I don’t know how XZ goes about with his acting, so these are all just random assumptions.]

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Changed Phone Number

I’ve gotten a few asks wanting me to clarify and give my opinion on the rumor about XZ changing his number and WYB asking around for it. I’ve heard two versions of this:

The first version has two variations:

XZ changed his number sometime after his DDU appearance in 2017 and before CQL began shooting, and WYB was asking the CQL crew for it.

XZ changed his number during CQL filming sometime, and WYB was asking the CQL crew for it.

The second version is that XZ changed his number before he left to Japan and WYB was asking around for it for months (who he was asking was undefined).

A related rumor I want to note: a fan who was at the airport when XZ was waiting for his flight to Japan supposedly saw him not answering his phone.

Let me clarify the relationship between WeChat & phone numbers:

In WeChat, every registered user gets a WeChat ID. There are three main ways people can add someone: (1) have the person’s WeChat ID (2) have the person’s phone number (3) have access to the person’s QR code. For (1) and (2), the other person must enable the option to be found via WeChat ID or phone number in order for you to find them. You can also choose to not show your phone number at all, so even if someone adds you via (1) or (3), they may still not have access to your number depending on your settings. To sum it up, you do NOT need to know another person’s phone number to message them on WeChat. Practically everyone in China uses WeChat as their main social messaging application… you can send messages (text & voice) and you can call (voice-only & video). People don’t use their actual given numbers to message or call too much (ex. iPhone messaging/ Facetime); phone numbers are typically used when making accounts on various social media apps, online payment, etc.

There’s a pretty well-backed up theory that WYB asked one of his DDU co-hosts (specifically DZW) if he could get XZ’s WeChat ID for him during/ after filming the episode with XNINE. If this theory is true, we can only be sure that he got XZ’s WeChat ID, not that he got his phone number.

If you do want to change your number or WeChat ID (prior to 2020, you could only change your WeChat ID once per account), you can simply go into the WeChat settings and update; this process won’t change your WeChat account and it won’t affect any of your contacts or chat history. If you want to stop receiving messages & calls from someone, you can either block or delete them from your contacts on the app.

I’m pointing all of this out because I’m pretty sure most of XZ’s & WYB’s communication takes place in WeChat. WYB has said in several interviews that he now prefers his phone and wifi access; he’s also said that he can’t go without WeChat now.

[I honestly don’t think this rumor is real. But, out of the two versions, I’d say the first version (either variation) makes more sense than the second version.

I have three reasons for thinking the second version is the most unlikely:

It’d be easier to block the other person for however long you need (and then unblock them or delete them depending on your choice later) rather than going through the hassle of changing your number. Remember when WYB’s phone number got leaked and he had to change it (August 2019)? He asked people to not use his number to log into accounts; he even mentioned that he would need to change all of them, which would be a large hassle. Sure, there could be circumstances where you’d want to change your phone number… but I don’t think this situation is that extreme, especially since it was supposedly at the airport before his trip and before he decided.

I don’t think XZ’s the type of person to leave someone hanging, no matter how much internal turmoil he may be dealing with, and especially not when that someone is close to him. I believe he’d at least inform others that he’ll be out of range and to not message or call him. Not to mention, if he told WYB to not contact him for the next couple of days, I’d like to believe WYB would respect that wish, whether he knew the reason or not. Since I do think that WYB confessed prior to the Japan trip, I believe he knew. But, even if he didn’t, he has integrity and self-respect. He’s going to respect others’ wishes, and even more so if he respects the other person… and he does respect XZ.

The theory specifically points out “months” … WYB literally celebrated XZ’s birthday with him about three weeks after this trip.

As for the first version:

Variation #1 implies that this happened at the start of filming/ bootcamp; it also implies that WYB got XZ’s number after he contacted him on WeChat. One assumption I have is: I don’t think celebrities/ people in the industry exchange phone numbers much, just their WeChat IDs. This is why I don’t think XZ & WYB exchanged numbers when they first met, only their WeChat IDs. As for WYB asking the crew for XZ’s number… if he already had XZ’s previous number, I kinda doubt he’d go around asking others when he could just ask XZ himself.

Variation #2 probably makes the most sense out of all three, and even then it’s a bit of a stretch. This variation implies that it’s a few months into filming, at which point XZ & WYB were extremely close. I doubt he’d be too nervous to ask XZ directly for his new number. The only rebuttal I could think of for this is that perhaps WYB asking around instead of asking XZ himself was him being coquettish.

In the end, this rumor doesn’t make too much sense to me. But take it as you will.]

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MID-JAPAN TRIP:

XZ’s 180911 Post + Story

We know that he kept deleting his Weibo posts before the number could reach *520. (*520 & 521 are both kadian for “I love you” even though 520 is more widely used.)

XZ posted his 520th post on 180911 (right in the middle of his trip). It was an ad for AHC. AHC is the first brand both WYB & XZ shared and spoke for; I believe WYB stopped his spokesperson duties on 180829 & XZ began his on 180907.

XZ posted his 17th story, also on 180911, of him on a ferry during the trip.

[I burst out laughing when I realized he posted an ad for his 520th post. He kept deleting posts to make sure he stayed away from #520; he could’ve easily deleted another post to make the ad his 519th. A lot of solo fans were looking forward to his 520th post being dedicated to them (exhibit 1), and then he did that. Sly as per usual. And the 17th story... leading up to the 18th. I think XZ pretty much knew/ made his choice/ accepted his feelings by this point, which is why he posted like this.]

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POST-JAPAN TRIP:

XZ’s 180913 Post & Story

XZ posted this video on Weibo on 180913. It was his *521th post & *18th story. (*52118 = “wo ai ni yi bo” A BXG posted about counting XZ’s posts to find these numbers.)

His caption was:

以为在拍照的找🤣... (夏天的风结束了，假期也结束了🌿🌿🎋)

which roughly translates to:

“I thought I was posing for a photo🤣... (The summer wind is over, the holiday is also over 🌿🌿🎋)”

There are several theories about the caption.

the emojis:

The bamboo emoji refers to WYB. In this behind the scenes footage, XZ compares WYB’s face to a bamboo stick.

the words:

XZ is referring to the season ending and the weather in the video where the wind is blowing across his face.

When XZ states that both the summer wind and his holiday are over, he is implying that he has left the character he became that summer (WWX) behind and moving forward.

XZ is referring to the song Summer Wind (夏天的风) by Liu Rui Qi (刘瑞琦). I’m not going to go too deep into this; the lyrics in question are:

夏天的风 我永远记得 清清楚楚地说你爱我 我看见你酷酷的笑容 也有腼腆的时候

roughly translates to

The summer wind, I will always remember [you] saying clearly that you love me. I saw your cool smile [yet] there are times when you are shy.

Interpretations are: (line 1) “summer wind” & “always remember” - XZ is reminiscing on the things that have happened that summer when CQL was filmed. (line 2) “saying clearly… you love me” - a confession from a certain someone… we know of one on camera: “zhan-ge didi ai ni.” (lines 3-4) “cool smile” & “shy” - these adjectives fit a person we know.

[I didn't find out about half of these caption theories until way later, and once I had already formed my opinion on this trip. A lot of it seems like a stretch, but all the theories make some sort of sense. Meh, there’s a lot you can do with a caption, so just take it all in.

Personally, I didn’t pay attention to the caption too much. I knew about the lyrics, but I purposely avoided them precisely because they were lyrics; you can do a lot with them. I finally explored it for this post, and I actually like it a lot; it’s very sweet. I’m still leaning towards the reference being unlikely; however, XZ is very sneaky, so I wouldn’t put it past him. I also knew about the bamboo reference, but I never gave it much thought. I didn’t think that one scene of them joking around was enough to say that he used the emoji to refer to WYB. Though, if it was actually a reference, there’s definitely more to it that we don’t know about. Ultimately, for this one, my decision was based on the basics: the kadian (and later reinforced by the whole AHC ad post).]

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XZ’s 181119 Post @ 17:42

A major theory for this post comes from his caption:

“一些存货... 现代人即将拥有姓名 [’silent giggling’ emoji]... ”

roughly translates to

“some stock [photos]... modern man will soon be named...”

The main focus here is the “modern man.”

Once the behind the scenes footage and interviews began releasing, BXG started noticing how WYB got whenever XZ mentioned LWJ. His facial expressions always changed… immediate frowns. BXG speculated that WYB was trying to show himself as separate from his character, but XZ didn’t take notice. The character LWJ is figuratively and literally from the past; the actor on the other hand is from modern society. Thus, XZ mentioning modern man was taken to be a reference to XZ’s love for the actor alone, not the character.

[To those who have sent asks about the “modern man” quote, I hope this clears it up. My interpretation of it is the same. At the end of the day, XZ most definitely separated the two.]

Another theory for this one is that the horizontal middle row pictures spell out “王一博” going from left to right.

王 (“wáng”)

The lines on the building look like the character

He could’ve meant “look towards,” which is what he’s doing in the picture. It is a different character (“望”), and has a slightly different pronunciation (“wàng”)

He could’ve meant “going in one direction,” referring to the arrow on the sign, which is a different character (“往”), and has a slightly different pronunciation (“wǎng”)

一 (yī)

The image looks like the character

博 (bó)

Another meaning for “博” is “extensive” or “rich” which you can take the design on the outside of the to be

The building is a museum, whose word (“博物馆”) begins with “博”

[For the spelling, my interpretations were all of the #1s. (I’ll explain a little bit more when we get to WYB’s 190322 post.)]

One last theory about this post: BXG then witnessed XZ editing his post in real time to change the position of the first two pictures. There’s a theory that he saw this post (below) from the previous day and changed the positions to match.

OP talking about the switch here and below.

[I was so enamored by this theory until I actually went looking for it. The post of WYB’s pictures is from a fan, and while I don’t doubt that they saw more of fans’ posts back then, this one wasn’t tagged or anything. It could easily have been XZ’s artist side popping up. But, maybe XZ was lurking on his private account. Even though it’s one of the more iffy ones, it’s such a cute theory that I actually don’t mind believing it.]

This is a side note and not part of the actual theory: On my search for all things related to this trip, I noticed one of WYB’s posts where he did a similar thing.

This was in June 2018, so before XZ’s post. Mayhaps inspiration.

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WYB’s 181119 Post @ 18:47

WYB posted exactly *1:05 hours after XZ posted. (*105 = 10/5, XZ’s birthday)

His caption was “冒个泡”

He was using internet slang; it can be vaguely translated to “I am here.” In context, he’s using the slang to refer to him not posting for a long time; he’s ‘showing his presence.’

Notable Things:

He posted the day prior on 181118; it wasn’t an ad, but it wasn’t exactly personal either.

He posted a picture of himself with his DDU brothers during a trip on 181104.

He had not posted a selfie since 181004. (Back then, he updated personal posts once or twice a week, whether it was a selfie or something about his life, such as what show he was watching. The month & a half time gap between personal posts would’ve been unusual.)

The caption & selfie work as a response to XZ’s “modern man will soon be named.”

Another thing fans were intrigued about was the time stamp on the photo, 180525.

WYB never really posts throwbacks, especially with selfies, yet he did one here to a date in the middle of CQL filming. He also usually never adds the date to his photos.

Isn’t it interesting that he captions the post with slang that tells people he’s back from a break, but uses an old photo instead of a new one? If someone’s announcing that they’re coming back from a break (especially a celebrity), wouldn’t it make more sense to post a recent photo rather than an old one (in this case, one from 6 months ago)? And, why even bother including the date in the first place?

[I can’t believe I barely noticed that WYB posted 1:05 hours after XZ. What in the world WYB? I’m losing my mind. It’s down to the damn minute, and their minutes weren’t a “0” or “5” multiple either. I usually try to pass off a lot of things regarding YiZhan (especially kadian) as coincidences, but what even is this? If it wasn’t intentional… What kind of connection do these two share?

Yes, I do think this was WYB’s response. The throwback picture was probably the most telling for me; him including the date he took the photo was like a flashing sign saying: ‘hey look at this date. it’s important.’ And when you add the caption into the mix, it’s taken to another level. I feel the combination of hints in and related to the post is too much and too telling to be coincidental.]

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Time Gap

There’s an interesting time gap between the two XZ’s posts (180913 & 181119). There are a few theories about what could’ve happened in those two months. Some of the ones I’ve seen and heard are:

XZ & WYB could’ve been taking that time to tell their parents and settle things with their agencies

XZ & WYB could’ve begun dating exclusively after XZ’s return

Both of these theories imply that everything got settled or made official around 181119.

[I never really thought about the time gap between the posts… mostly because I kept forgetting there even was one. They’re both ridiculously romantic so I don’t doubt that 181119 is something of importance to them. I think it’s especially proving that both of them did a throwback to the same seemingly important time period.]

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WYB’s 190322 Post

This post is pretty similar to XZ’s 181119 throwback post to the Japan trip. The theory for this one is that WYB spelled out “肖战” using the vertical middle row, going from top to bottom.

肖 - The tree looks like the top part of the “肖” character; the branches look like the bottom part of it.

战 - Since WYB placed an image of the entire Roman colosseum (where gladiator battles took place) in the last spot, he may have been alluding to how “战” means “battle” or “fight” (similar to how XZ may have been alluding to the meaning of “博” instead of getting a picture of the character).

WYB filmed the DDU episode on 3/22; I don’t believe there’s another significance to the date.

[WYB spelling out the “肖” using the first two pictures backs up my thinking that XZ spelled out the “王” and “一” characters in his first two pictures. This also leads me to think that both of them alluded to each other’s last character rather than spelling it out in their third pictures.]

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FINAL THOUGHTS:

[The reason I like this overall theory a lot is because I think the happenings really fit with the things they’ve told us in interviews and suit their personalities. It makes sense to me that XZ would want to take some time to think about it; it makes sense to me that WYB was probably the one who took the first step.

As for the theories about the details… some of them are really out there, but all of them are fun to consider. As usual, take everything with a grain of salt.]

Some of these posts & events have several theories (i.e. XZ’s summer wind caption); they aren’t mutually exclusive… more than one can be true at the same time.

I tried to be as neutral as I could when explaining these theories. I tried to include counters and other possibilities, but I’m sure some bias came out. Just take it all in and take it for what it is.

My intention with this post was to put everything into perspective and give a good timeline. (As well as get everything in one place.) If you’re interested in my thoughts, feel free to go back and read the italicized & bracketed parts (if you hadn’t already).

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The following is something I want to say about these theories and the BXG community in general:

Every theory has inconsistencies and exaggerations… that’s what makes it a theory. As long as we discuss things knowing this fact, that’s all that matters. We’re here to have fun, not to prove what’s right or wrong.

I love seeing the various theories everyone in this community puts out, no matter how different or similar they are to the ones I like/ believe in. It’s fun to look into these things with different perspectives. Don’t feel burdened if you believe in a less popular theory. Besides, we will never know anything for sure.

Be kind. And, have a good time.

-

Once again, this is all fake. I do not personally know XZ & WYB, and I will never know anything about them; this includes the intricacies of whatever relationship they share. So, CPN.

[sunnypogue]

coho!rafe + the video (blurb)

big thanks to scout for helping me map this out!!

warning: NSFW. 18+, some dubious consent issues with the video. (it’s necessary to note that rafe sending this video to himself without consent is NOT okay. like a very big violation of privacy. however, this is fiction, so...just know I don’t condone that shit in real life!) also, please use protection. xx.

--

“Bro, watch your fucking elbows!”

“You watch your elbows, fucker!”

Your head darted back and forth as the teammates shot insults at each other from their respective sides of the beer pong table. You were supposed to play the winner, but at the rate this game was going, you wouldn’t be playing anytime soon.

“Hey,” A hand rested on your shoulder, voice grabbing your attention, “we up soon?”

You shook your head, “Dumb and dumber over here have been arguing about the rules for the past 10 minutes. I don’t think they’ve sunk a cup yet.”

Your pong partner laughed, “Well, just yell when someone loses. I’ll be over -”

“Cameron! Get your ass in here, Matty just said we couldn’t shotgun these claws in one go!”

Rafe’s head turned towards the kitchen, where his defense partner (and resident dumbass), Luke, was holding two jumbo mango White Claws next to his head.

“Oh, fuck you Matty - shit, Y/N, come film this.” Rafe grabbed your arm, dragging you behind him. “I need proof so I don’t have to keep chugging shit at parties to prove my idiot teammates wrong.” 

You watched with a wry smile, your phone camera capturing as Rafe stabbed the cans with his house key, before shotgunning the seltzer, Luke finishing immediately after him, letting out a huge burp.

“Oh, fucking gross, Luke.” You yelled, ending the recording.

“Alright - fuck this! Someone come play Jonesy in pong with his fucking weird ass rules.” A voice boomed from the other room, where the now defunct BP game was happening. “I’ve never had someone talk about elbows so much, you fucking boner.”

You made eye contact with Rafe, grinning as he wiped the remnants of white claw off his lips. 

“Pong?” You mouthed, pocketing your phone, before making your way into the living room, Rafe close behind.

-- 

A few hours later, you were posted up on the couch, one of the stragglers at the hockey kickback, listening to Matty and Jonesy debating the merits of wearing a cage versus a bubble. Bored, and a little drunk, you pulled your phone out, intending to thumb through your instagram stories to drown out the sound of Matty yelling about how a bubble made you look like a “fucking bitch boy,” when your phone was snatched clean out of your hand.

“Hey!” You yelped, swinging an arm out to grab your phone, which now sat comfortably in the palm of Rafe’s hand.

“Hey!” He mimicked. “Gimme your password, I need to airdrop that video to myself.”

You rolled your eyes, “Okay, turn it around.”

Rafe pointed your front camera at you, letting FaceID flick your phone open. “Thanks.”

You waved a hand dismissively, standing up from the sunken-in couch. “I’m gonna pee, just don’t go anywhere with it. Stay here.” You gave him a pointed look before wobbling your way to the upstairs bathroom (the only one that was bound to have toilet paper at this rate.)

Rafe took your spot on the couch, fumbling through your phone with drunken accuracy (or at least, that’s what he’d say when you found out he posted a selfie to your insta story), trying to locate the video you had taken earlier. He maneuvered his way to your “Videos” tab, eyeing the most recent one. However, the finger holding the phone accidentally touched the top of the app, sending the screen to the very top of your extensive video collection. Rafe groaned, going to thumb his way back down, when he noticed the screencap of a particular video, nestled at the top corner of your phone. 

If anyone asked, he clicked on it to confirm that his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him, that he wasn’t seeing things - because there was no fucking way this was on your phone.

When the video loaded to full screen, Rafe almost dropped the phone. Apparently, his eyes weren’t deceiving him. You had a video, a full, one minute, twenty three second video, of (whom he was assuming was) yourself, bent over someone’s bed, getting fucked by someone with a massive fucking cock. 

Rafe’s thumb hit play before his brain could stop him. He watched, wide eyed, as this random dude fucking railed you, cock practically splitting you in half. Watched as he held your hands to the base of your back, watched as you took it so fucking good.

And then a voice broke his reverie.

“Cameron, dude - you good?” Jonsey leaned over, apparently finished with his bubble v. cage argument. “You’ve been staring at that phone for like, a while.”

Rafe jumped, turning the phone over on his knee. “Yeah, just airdropping something. Service sucks in here man.”

He waited until Jonesy’s redirected his attention elsewhere, before he turned the phone back over, airdropping himself the video of you getting railed.

You returned to the couch minutes later, a sleepy smile on your face. “You get it?” You asked, extending your hand for the phone. 

Rafe slid it back to you, “Yup - thanks.”

--

A couple nights later, Rafe was on his bed, head propped up by a couple of pillows, the video of you pulled up on his phone. He had watched it so many times, it was practically burned into his memory - the sounds of you taking it, the way you tilted your cunt to get it deeper, the way you would respond when he’d smack your ass, or pull your hair - it was addicting, seeing you like this. Rafe had never thought he’d see you, his sweet, little friend, getting fucked within an inch of your life.

It made him think about all the ways he’d fuck you - better than whoever the fuck took the video than you. Rafe thought about it constantly - fucking you in the shower, hiking your leg up to spread that sweet little cunt, fucking you in the car, pulled over on the side of an abandoned road, bent over the side of the passenger seat, hands holding on to the center console as Rafe fucked into you, door open. Rafe thought about fucking you the same way you were fucked in the video, relentlessly pounding his cock into your cunt, pulling you back onto his cock when you were close to finishing, spanking you when you begged to come - just filthy.

Rafe was so lost in thought, he didn’t hear the knock on his door, or the small creak as his door opened, or the little voice going, “Rafe?”

Rafe didn’t notice anything until you were standing at the foot of his bed, looking at him quizzically. “What are you doing?”

Rafe jumped, phone flying out of his hands. “Nothing - nothing. What the fuck are you doing here?”

You rolled your eyes. “I texted you that I was coming to grab my accounting book. I still haven’t read for class tomorrow.” You looked around the room, trying to eye the massive red textbook. “Why are you so sweaty? It’s like, 50 degrees out.”

Rafe shrugged. “It’s hot in here.”

You gave him a look. “No, it’s not, but okay weirdo.” You moved to grab his phone, now laying face up at the foot of his bed, screen dim. “Sorry for scaring you. Here’s your - ” You stopped, registering what was paused on his screen.

Rafe grabbed the phone from your grasp, realizing you may have seen a bit too much. “The book is over there.” He pointed at his desk, attempting to deflect.

You just gaped at him. “Is that - fuck, was that - ”

“It’s not what it looks like.”

“Was that me?” You finally finished your sentence, arms crossing in front of you. “Was that - where did you get that?”

Rafe slowly stood, holding his hands in front of him as if to not startle you. “Look, I’m not proud of this but - ”

“How did you get that?” You whispered, still in shock. “I thought I deleted all of those.”

Rafe looked down at his feet, sheepish. “I accidentally saw it on your phone when I was airdropping shit at Matty’s last weekend. I - I don’t know why I airdropped it to myself, but fuck. I’m fucking glad I did.”

You looked at him. “Rafe, what the fuck! That’s so fucking embarassing for me - delete that!”

Rafe grabbed your wrist that was reaching for the phone. “Why the hell is that embarrassing for you? Y/N, that is literally the hottest fucking shit I’ve ever seen. You - you’re fucking gorgeous, you know?”

You matched Rafe’s heated gaze, staring at him as he kept his grip on your wrist. “I’m literally getting fucked by my ex in that video, Rafe.” You bit your lip, cheeks flushing from remembering the contents of that particular video. “How the hell is that hot for you?”

Rafe pulled you closer. “Because I’ve never seen you like that - you’re always so reserved around me. To see you unedited, raw - just fucking taking it like that. How would that not be hot for anyone?”

You blushed, looking away. “I - I don’t - ”

“I’d like to see you like that, in person, if that’s alright with you.”

You gaped up at him. “What?”

Rafe grinned, teeth nearly glittering in the dim light of the bedroom. “I’d like to fuck you. Better than your ex. Is that alright with you?”

You found yourself nodding - you weren’t sure what world you were currently existing in, but if it was a world where Rafe Cameron (aka the boy you had been harboring a crush on since you met him freshman year) wanted to fuck your brains out after watching a video of your ex-boyfriend fucking your brains out - well, you weren’t complaining.

You let Rafe pull you in for a kiss, let Rafe slide your sweatpants off, let Rafe slip his cold hands under your sweatshirt (causing you to squeal, not expecting the temperature change). Rafe let you tug his shirt off, let you run your hands over his defined shoulders and arms, let you palm his cock through his boxers. It was soft, sweet and exploratory.

Until it wasn’t.

When Rafe tweaked your nipple, you responded by sinking your teeth into his bottom lip - just enough to bruise. He pulled away, a glint in his eye, hands going to slide your sweatshirt off, leaving you completely naked. 

“You wanna play that game?”

You slipped your thumb between your teeth, biting down softly as you walked to the edge of his bed. You went to bend yourself over the mattress, forearms propping your chest up, hair swept over your shoulder. “Why don’t you come over here and find out?”

Rafe growled, taking two steps over to where you were positioned, before sliding his cock out of his boxers. He grabbed his length, jacking it a couple times as he rubbed the head against your clit, leaving a trail of precome in its wake.

“You want it, baby?”

You nodded, leaning back into his cock. Rafe tutted, pulling away completely, smiling when you let out a soft whine. “Words, honey. You gotta tell me.”

You turned your head, looking Rafe dead in the eye. “For fuck’s sake Cameron, get in me.”

Rafe laughed, tapping his cock on your cunt a couple of times, before slowly sliding in, letting you get used to the stretch. You groaned, walls clenching around his length, hands gripping the bedspread as you let your body adjust. Rafe kept his long, slow slide going, until he was balls deep, pelvis snug up against your ass. He was still, just for a moment, before rolling his hips, letting his cock nudge up against your g-spot. You moaned, head dropping to the comforter. You hadn’t felt this full - well, since your ex.

“You good, babe?” Rafe asked, chuckling a bit at your reaction.

“God, Rafe - fuck me.”

Rafe leaned forward, prying your hands from the comforter, tugging them gently behind your back. He swatted at your ass twice, loving the way you tilted into the sensation, before grabbing your hair, pulling you up just enough to get your chest off the bed. 

“This okay?”

You nodded as best you could with his hand in your hair. “I swear to God, Rafe, if you don’t move right now I’ll - ”

“What? What are you gonna do?” He taunted.

You whined, rolling your hips against his cock, which was still stuffed deep in your cunt. “Rafe, please.”

Rafe chuckled under his breath. “Fuck, I could get used to hearing that - hold on, pretty girl. I’ve got ya.”

[myheartsims]

Check In Tag ✔️

I was tagged by @berryconfetti for this, thanks for the tag!

Why did you choose your url?

I've been using variations of MyHeart(Blank) since I was 12 and made my YouTube account so when I wanted to make a Sims blog I just took that thought process and ran with it.

Any side blogs? If you have them name them and why you have them.

@myheartsstories - intended for me to post stories on, but it ended up being more 'Kim plays a challenge, takes screenshots and posts them over there' while MyHeartSims became more my cc finds blog

@myheartshistory - one I haven't posted on in a bit, but it was me making a story out of the History Challenge with Berry Sims

@berrygameplay - I'm one of the members of said blog

How long have you been on tumblr?

Uuuuh good question, I have no idea. I was on tumblr before I joined with a simblr blog but I didn't really keep track. I know I was still in high school when I joined though so probably about 10 years ago? And then I joined Simblr about a year, year and a half ago.

Do you have a queue tag?

On this blog I rarely queue and on MyHeartsStories and MyHeartsHistory everything is queued so no queue tag around

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I started getting more and more involved in the Sims community and it felt weird doing that when I was fandom posting on my old account (I don't even use that account anymore) so I created a new blog just for Sims

Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It's my Simself with the colors behind it that I've used in my Tumblr theme

Why did you choose your header?

I choose this banner because it's the first build I ever felt proud of. It's a recreation of the castle/lake in Princess and the Swan Lake (the animated movie) with Odette and Prince Derek in the front. I absolutely loved recreating it and I think it fits me too, as I love fairy tales haha. I also didn't want the same banner as I used on my other side blog (MyHeartsHistory doesn't even have a banner)

What’s your post with the most notes?

I think it's the post for when I fixed either the Luumia default skin or the Waterlillies default skin when those broke (before the creators fixed them themselves, which happened several months later I believe), but part of those notes were already on the post as I reblogged the original posts... (Funnily enough people still download my fixes when the original creators have also posted fixes at this point). For an original post, I'm not sure, probably my Swan Lake Castle build download.

How many mutuals do you have?

I don't really know quite frankly. I know of a few, as they're people I'd consider friends from discord, but that's probably not all of them

How many followers do you have?

Ehh not that many and I don't really mind either. I think it's nearing 200 followers? But there may be some bots in there as well. I try to delete those when I notice them but I don't really pay attention. I'm not super active on here anyway and mostly use it to reblog cc I want to find back later

How many people do you follow?

Just over 200, mostly Sims blogs that post cc and people's who's stories I like!

Have you ever made a shitpost?

I don't even know what qualifies as a shitpost haha

How often do you use tumblr each day?

I check pretty regulary each day, as long as I'm home. Barely use the app so I do have to be on my laptop to check

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

I don't think I've had a fight on here before?

How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

I thankfully, somehow, don't see too many of those, and I don't think I've really ever reblogged any of them. I just ignore them

Do you like tag games?

Depends on the specific tag game. I rarely get tagged in them anyway haha

Do you like ask games?

I like getting asks with questions so I sometimes reblog them and I do try to send people asks when I see they've reblogged it, but I rarely actually then get asks so

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

What counts as Tumblr famous? I don't really know haha

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Nope

Tagging @nynsimmer, @simhurricane, @sweetlysimss and @frolickinggnomes, but y'all should only do this if you actually want to do it!

[hayjeon]

Tips on creating fun fanfic headers!

i had so much fun writing the fanfic writing tips yesterday and i got a few more questions about header-making, and so i decided to make one more of these! i hope these tips help somebody out there! hope you enjoy :) 

p.s. these tips won’t require any hard editing skills or photoshop skills, nor any expensive tablets/apps! 

typically i spend around ~5-10 min creating one header, and that’s either after i think of/finish a fic. i have so much fun doing it and sharing it with you that i figured i’d share how i do it! 

why headers? 

as I talked about in my fic tips, one of the most eye-catching things about fics are headers. when i’m scrolling through a rec page, my home page, a tag, or even someone’s masterlist, i’m immediately drawn to well-made headers. that’s what captures my attention, and then i’m more drawn in by the content. so, you can say that headers is your own version of an ad for your own fic, or an extension of it (like the cover of a novel!) 

if you were writing your own book, imagine how much time you’d spend figuring out what you wanted your cover to look like. i try to have as much fun and invest as much time making my own headers because it’s just the cherry on top to my finished product :) 

disclaimer: BUT HEADERS ARE NOT NECESSARY/DO OR DIE! if you don’t feel like you want to do this, then keep writing! its ok! this is just a suggestion. i’ve seen plenty of well-written fics without headers at all, so don’t beat yourself up over not having one/not wanting to do one. this is truly just a fun, extra kind of thing, and only keep reading if you want to learn how i do it! :) 

tips for people who don’t want to make headers: if you still want something to make your fic stand out, use gifs! i use them in my drabbles a lot! this will at least give ur fic a lil boost! 

how to find pictures

I typically use unsplash, which is a free website in which photographers upload their HQ pics for free use. the pics are really high quality, typically stock photos, and don’t have any logos on them like other ones on google. unfortunately, you won’t find any pics of the members or anything, but you’ll find beautiful stock photos of typical scenes like “ocean scene” or “desert scene.” I found the stock photo for cut me open (shown below) on that site by just looking up “medical” or “doctor”. 

i used to use google a lot and just use keywords like “desert scene HQ” and edit the search settings to deliver HQ pics, and a minimum # of pixels, but unplash is definitely better in terms of quality, more aesthetic photos, and no logos/watermarks. 

on some occasions, i will screenshot some scenes of youtube videos, turning up the quality to 1080p or 4k and zooming in so that the pixelation is as crisp as possible, and then editing it later to look good (which i’ll explain in a second!) 

the above photo was a scene from the specific characters from the drama, “100 Days My Prince” that I screenshotted from a youtube video that TvN uploaded, recapping the drama. I cropped it just right so that their faces were left out, which i’ll also mention soon! 

things to look for when picking pictures: 

you want the picture to reflect a specific motif/theme from your fic! if its a moody fic, then try to find a moody scene that you can edit with filters/lighting to look even moodier; or if the characters’ jobs are a big portion of the fic (like cut me open/doctor theme) try to look for stock photos with that shown very clearly!

make sure its high quality: tumblr really dumbs down the quality of the photo when uploading it, so try your best to find something with a lot of pixels in it so that when you start editing, you don’t sacrifice too much of the quality already

try to look for something simple/clean: a picture with too much subject (ie. people in the background, or too much detail) may end up taking away from the main point of your header, which is your title. so find pics without too much clutter! 

try to make sure its landscape: which will help during editing to save some of the quality better. 

editing your pictures

now that you have a specific photo you want to use, now its time to edit! I use VSCO CAM (free app) and my own apple photos cropping tool for faster crops. 

crop/adjust: if your picture is too large/wide, crop it to at least a 16:9 ratio. i’d say aim for skinnier if you can, so that you don’t take up too much space (especially if you’re planning to add headers to your masterlist). also crop out any faces, any clutter, any unnecessary details, so you have a nice, clean slate to work on when adding text. 

contrast/sharpen/clarity/white balance/etc.: i’m not gonna give you a lesson on photography, but i’ll tell you I learned like 80% of everything that i know just by fiddling with it on VSCO! So just try it out and play with the app, see what you can make of it. i’d say a rule of thumb to follow is that you want happier fics with a brighter tone, and moodier/angsty fics with a darker tone so that it can reflect the nature of the fic further, without saying anything! 

if you wanna be extra af like me, then go a step further and photoshop your pics. this one is a good example; when i screenshotted this scene from another youtube video for my fic One Year My Love part 2, i was specifically looking for a scene that would showcase the ornate/regal details of their clothing/environment in contrast to part 1′s modest clothing/scene (the first header in this post). 

i found this scene, but actually, this scene portrays the Crown Prince and the Princess, not y/n. So, the actors weren’t smiling at all! They were actually frowning at eachother in this scene, to portray the tension between the two characters and their marriage. 

So, I took the extra step, adjusting the pic with VSCO so that their shoulders/chins were at the same level, cropped off their faces up until their lips, and then used the adobe photoshop free app to photoshop their lips to be SMILING at eachother!!!! subtle, but important! 

call me crazy for taking that much time but i’m so proud of how it turned out and i loved every second of making this one. that way, this scene makes it portray the happy ending for Jungkook and y/n! 

adding text to your header

you can use any app out there, but i really like Font Candy! I actually ended up buying the 2$ version of this and never regretted it, but you can actually find a lot of their basic fonts on the free version; I tend to use the fonts: OSTRICH SANS, BEBAS, TREND, and INTRO the most! these are pretty clean-looking, block letters that look good whenever i put them as my titles. 

I love this app too cause you can easily control the spacing between letters to make them take up more space, add shadows, or even make them contrast their background using the overlay feature; like this one i made for wildest dreams (see how the text changes depending on what part of the photo its on? amazing! it’s literally with a click of a button!!)

And i’ll always add “written by HAYJEON” or “by HAYEJON”, space it out, and add it somewhere underneath as my own branding.

orrrrrr 

if you want to be more creative, you can even go a step further and use whatever you have on hand to enhance whatever you’re trying to portray. 

for this one, i ended up finding this amazing photo on unsplash and i thought it would do a create job of portraying the “movie-set” quality of what wildest dreams is going to be about. this stock photo had someone else’s names on it, so i used my ipad, and used instagram to just erase the existing writing with the color of the background, and then wrote in my own title and url with my own handwriting/apple pen!!! 

i thought this was pretty cool because it’s like wildest dreams is its own movie/has its own movie set, which, once it’s out, you guys will see that it’s supposed to be! 

saving/uploading

this is pretty easy/obvious, but i figured i’d mention it. all the apps i mentioned are available on the appstore, and they will save directly to your photos. after doing that, i’ll just upload them into a special folder i have on my google drive so that when i’m finished writing a fic on tumblr using my laptop, i can easily download the photos without sacrificing quality. easy! 

and that way, i can save them forever; even if i have to delete them from my computer, i can always redownload them! 

side note: making text separators

i just recently started doing this, but ever since tumblr took down their text separators, i’ve just been cropping the bottom like 5-10 pixels of the header to use as my text separators! (with my laptop)

i saw some other writer doing it and thought that it looked better than what i had used previously (a cropped photo of a random line i found on google); i found that doing this tied my fics together a little better and just looked better aesthetically; 

so there it is! hope you enjoyed! :) i would love to see what other tips you guys have been using, feel free to send me an ask or reply to this post; and if you end up using any of my tips, please let me know! I love to hear from you guys all the time <3 

lots of love, especially during these times, 

hay <3 

[msilwrites]

(A 3AM Update) A True Gentleman, Chapter 19 - Taking back her life

A/N: Hi guys, Chapter 19 is up! Some lighthearted comedy here and there too. Not really much of a plot device, but we're approaching how to handle the reality of Diana's situation as she tries to take her life back. Tell me what you think in the comments below, and Enjoy reading!

NINETEEN

Taking back her life

Diana looked at the dating app on her phone and read the exchange of messages with her date. After the first time, in a long time, she was finally going out on a 'date'.

The guy who she had been chatting with seemed kind enough. In fact, she had chatted with him for a few weeks before even deciding to go out with him. She definitely does not want some asshole. Once bitten, twice shy. She has learned her lesson after all the years of being in an abusive relationship.

Again, sadly, she left the house through her bedroom window, not wanting to see Isaac. It had been weeks since they have seen each other. The only thing she heard was his voice and the sound of his footsteps around the house. In fact, he tried knocking on her bedroom door, only to be met with silence. She had been pretending to not be around for some time now, and the only time she talked to him was through phone messages, telling him that she had already paid the rent.

His attempts of communicating further were also met with silence on the other side of the line. If he was lucky, she would give him a late response as she was determined to cut herself from him emotionally.

**********

When Diana arrived at the place that she and her date agreed upon, she saw the open park theatre filled with orchestra musicians, packing their instruments. It appears that they had just finished their rehearsals.

She looked to her side, and there on one of the benches, seated, was a handsome man, reading through countless music sheets. She walks in his direction and clears her throat to get his attention.

"Maestro... I'm Diana Rutherford..."

**********

It was a funny reason why Diana had agreed on this date in the first place. First of all, it wasn't for something romantic. Her date is actually a music executive, composer and orchestra director who went to the dating app, only to find a replacement singer who can sing opera in alto-soprano for a small formal charity benefit to be held at the park. Second, she needed someone to talk to, and he and she happen to get along well. Nothing more.

Diana, with opera training, and whose voice happens to fall under alto-soprano, agreed, with a bit of hesitation, of course, thinking if this was legit or not. Furthermore, there was a promise of payment, which made her finally give in. Taking on a part-time job was not so bad after all, especially that she needed some extra funds.

"Uhhmmm, how do I address you?" was her first question. Of course, she knows his name. An epitome of tall, dark and handsome, he carried this air of quiet respect. So she wanted to be polite.

"By my name would be great" was his reply, accompanied with a disarming smile.

" Alright, Aedan... " she cleared her throat and sat up straight.

"Well, I'm just curious, what were you doing in the app with a fake profile? You don't look like you needed to do that" he states, seeing that she was nothing like the way she describes in her profile.

"I was looking for someone to date... no erase that, I was hoping for someone to talk to... the app was a convenient tool, especially, with the anonymity that the internet provided, but then I found you and that weird ad/ profile of yours." was her straight and honest answer.

He laughs at how honest she was. "Can't you afford a therapist? " he asked playfully.

" I can, but I can't afford to book a session with him every day... that will drain my funds" she reasons, and he chuckles at how direct yet funny she sounded.

"Don't you have friends?"

"Of course! I have friends! But..."

"But?"

"But I can't possibly worry them enough and stress them out. I can't be dependent on them for everything. There are also some things I can't discuss with them, you know? there are limits..."

"Like how you had been in love with their father for a long time?" he adds, remembering that she mentioned this to him before when they chatted in the app.

" Yep... see how that sounds like? 'Daddy Issues'. I mean I do admit, I have that. I will definitely get disowned by my friends if those issues come to light..." she sighs. "Oh, by the way, where are your other singers? and why did you have to find a singer using the dating app?" she adds.

He sighs, " One is currently busy with her children, a few of them preparing for their final papers, the others are currently overseas, travelling, no one is available on the date of the performance..."

"Oh... yes, that is a problem..." she nodded in agreement. " But why the app? It's unconventional..." she reasons.

He laughs " It's unconventional, but it was fast and it worked! I found you! You do realize that the app isn't only about dating!" he says, referring to the 'social' part where you find people or groups of like-minded people.

"Err... so do you plan to continue dating ?"

"No... I've deleted the app,"

"Ha? But why?"

"I didn't like some messages I've received from some..." he said, shaking his head and feeling the hair on the back of his head, stand. It creeped him out just remembering those inappropriate messages.

"Well... I can only imagine..." she said, understanding that he must've received some 'thirsty' messages that anyone will be uncomfortable reading, due to how attractive he is.

"Why did you click my profile?"

" Well... obviously, I swiped right because you're an attractive man... you look like a clean-cut version of 'Ross Poldark', other than that, I would have not talked to you, if not for what you've written in your bio."

" I like your honesty!" he declares and threw his head back laughing.

"Thank you..."

"Did you really have opera training?" he asked, still in doubt.

"Yes, I started during the sixth form, my grandmother sent me to lessons to build my confidence and voice...It even became my elective back in university... Then I joined choirs, sang oratorios... so on and so forth... I sang with the choir in church and there were times I sang part-time as a soloist in some events. I enjoyed those times, "

" What made you stop? Singing I mean?"

"I... I..." she paused for a moment, finding a clear way to explain what happened. " I got into a relationship... "

"Let me guess... he was either possessive or abusive?" he guessed, already knowing which was it.

"Both actually... he didn't like me being looked at when I sang... I guess he wanted the audience to close their eyes during a song..." she recalls, remembering the incident with her ex, Jesse.

Aedan laughed and nodded in agreement. Hearing such situations wasn't new to him. He had a few incidents before where a soloist came to a rehearsal with a black eye. Abusive people demand the victim's attention solely focused on them, and try to cut off the victim from the activities they love.

"I do hope you are no longer with that man... I don't want another soloist coming to a rehearsal unable to sing properly because she is injured... don't get me wrong, I may want the performance to be perfect, but I do care for people, and I do feel the pain when I see such situations..."

"Yes... don't worry, I've broken up with him a long time ago," she assured.

"Good!" he exclaims and after a while, remembers something and looks at his watch. "Rehearsals resume in an hours time. Let's have lunch, and we will test your voice later"

**********

"What made you want to sing again? If I may ask?" Aedan said, waiting for the orchestra to return to their seats.

"It's just... I want my life back, Aedan... I just want to go back to what I used to be" was her answer, and he understood.

"Alright..." Aedan taps his baton on the podium, signalling everyone that they were about to start rehearsal. He calls in another person, and another man enters the stage.

"Diana, this is Max, your duet, Max, this is Diana, your new partner!" Aedan introduces.

Diana looked at Max and her mouth hung agape in admiration. if Aedan is handsome, so is Max! Tall, dark, and ruggedly handsome, bearing a fleeting resemblance to Hugh Jackman. She smiled, and giggled to herself, thanking her lucky stars for being surrounded by handsome men today. This would definitely be a good step to move on.

"Diana," Max stretches his hand out for a handshake and she gives them a tight squeeze, whilst smiling like a schoolgirl at him.

"You can ogle at him later, all you want, if you pass the 'audition', Diana!" Aedan teased, earning him a grimace from her. He chuckled at her reaction but quickly asked her to stand straight and get ready for vocal warm-ups.

Aedan sits adjacent to the grand piano and plays the keys for the duet to warm up. After the vocal warm-ups, he goes back to his podium and the orchestra sat in position.

"We have a tradition in this group, every time there is a new singer... as a welcome, she is to sing-" Aedan waves his baton and the began to play the introductory part of the song 'Libiamo ne' lieti calici' which was followed by Max baritone voice, singing the first verse and turning to Diana with a smile.

"How appropriate," she smiled, knowing that it was quite a welcoming song and felt the excitement in her heart to sing once again. And when her turn came, she took a deep breath and without hesitation and care of the possibility of singing out of tune, she gave it her all.

When the song was about to close, the orchestra plays increases their tempo, so as the two duets and then together, they hit the high note with their voices, closing the brindisi.

Diana catches her breath, it was definitely a struggle for her to hit the note, how long has it been since she sang? Years. However, she was met by applause by the orchestra musicians, her duet partner, and the director, Aedan, which came to her as a surprise, because she knew she didn't hit every note right.

"Welcome to the group, Diana!" Max smiles, giving her a squeeze in her hand.

"Thank you, Max!" was her response.

"Welcome to the group, Diana! you've missed a note here and there, but I believe that can be improved with practice" Aedan says, as he approaches. The way he said 'practice' already scares her.

**********

"Oh, my, my, Diana! you are glowing, recently!" Mrs Chambers greets Diana as she goes back to her reception area after lunch.

"Thank you! But what do you mean glowing?" she asked, a little bemused.

" You lively! Happier?! no longer gloomy liked you used to be, no offence" was Mrs Chambers direct answer.

"None taken..." she smiles, knowing that Mrs Chambers has a point. She looked like a pale, gloomy flower.

"Is this a new skincare? beauty routine? activity, a new man?"

Diana laughed at the last part of what Mrs Chambers said. "No, unfortunately, not a man... It's probably because of having clarity of the mind now," she said, knowing that Mrs Chambers was also aware of the past depressing incidents that she had gone through.

"I am glad for that!" Mrs Chambers smiles at her.

Earning the clarity of the mind was one of the things Diana was grateful for. Especially now that she was trying to take her life back.

She looks at her schedule on her phone. On Thursday evenings, she takes JUDO classes, and on Friday evening and Saturday afternoon were rehearsals and additional training with Aedan. He wasn't kidding when she told her how strict he is. Heck, he knows when one didn't practice the song. There was a wee bit of regret in her for agreeing to take JUDO classes and joining the orchestra as one of their singers, especially now that she had to follow strict discipline. But gratefulness, enjoyment, and the contentment it gave her overweighs the regret.

**********

Diana enters the restaurant and looks around for Aedan. He told her that they would meet at this restaurant which was, near her office, before they head for practice.

She smiles and waves at him, upon seeing him seated at a table near the window. He smiles back and waves at her to come over.

"Hello, Aedan"

"Good Afternoon, Diana! I sure do hope you practised the song."

"Ahehehe... I did!..."

He narrows his eyes on her.

"I swear I did!, though it was a struggle, I made sure I did, every day! In full voice!" she says in her defence.

Aedan laughs. "Don't worry, I understand, you don't want your 'crush' to hear you singing! By the way, do you still leave the house using your bedroom window?"

She looks at him sheepishly and that look she gave was enough to answer his question.

He throws his head back laughing. "Oh, Diana! How are you going to leave the house on the day of the performance? Do you want me to rescue you from the tower and fight the dragon?" he teased.

"What the heck! Aedan! Dr. Skovgaard isn't a dragon!"

"I never said that!" he says, hand up in surrender, still laughing.

"Diana?!" a familiar voice calls her name, she looks around to find Allegra seated at the nearby table.

"Allegra!" she greets, a little nervous, as if she was a little girl caught in a misdeed.

"You're here! I haven't seen you in a long time! Look how glowing you are!" Allegra says, echoing the same thing Mrs Chambers had said and gives her friend a tight embrace. "You wouldn't join us for dinner, what have you been up to?!" was her next question.

"Ahehehe..."

However, before Diana could think of an answer, Allegra turns her attention to Aedan. She looked at him suspiciously which made Diana nervous.

"And may I know who is this? care to introduce me to your new friend?"

"This is Aedan, Aedan, this is Allegra, my best friend..." she introduces, and Allegra immediately takes the seat beside Diana, still looking at the man suspiciously.

Aedan beams at her and stretches out his hands, offering Allegra a handshake, which she took.

"Hi, I'm Aedan McInnes... Diana's date" he says, followed by his disarming smile. Knowing that Diana didn't want to tell anyone of her current activities.

"What?!" Allegra's eyes widened in shock. "Since when? You've never told us anything, Diana!" she says, turning to Diana.

"Oh! it's just recent! I didn't want to tell anyone because everything happened just recently! Plus, I didn't want to worry you, also... Aedan's a great guy!" she reasons and gives the grinning man a quick glare.

"I see... well... Of course, I'd be worried about you, and Aedan, what do you do?" was the beginning of Allegra's interrogation.

" I am a music producer," was his reply, which is part of the truth.

Diana sighs, as the interrogation continued.

**********

"Out of many things you could think of! Aedan! you told Allegra, that you're my date..." was the first thing that came out of Diana during the rehearsal break. They were almost late for rehearsal because of it. "We barely made it out of there!"

However, the only reply Aedan gave was a hearty laugh. "Tell me, Diana, what are you exactly worried about? By right, we are not doing anything wrong,"

She paused for a moment and thought about it. What was she worried about " I... I don't know... Dr Skovgaard finding out?" the reason just carelessly slipped out of her lips.

"Aha!" Aedan exclaimed, causing Diana to jolt in surprise.

"What?"

" You're worried about your crush finding out!" he declares.

" Wait...what? I said that?! I-"

"Diana, look, you should not worry, in fact, you should be glad! If your Dr Skovgaard reacts, then it means he cares for you!"

"Of course, that man cares for me! I told you he sees me as his daughter! "

"Uh, uh , uh, that will depend on how he reacts!" he adds, making her a little hopeful. However, she knew that it was impossible.

**********

It was a Sunday when Allegra met her father for brunch. She excitedly jogs upon the small staircase that led to the front door of the restaurant. She had been wanting to tell her dad what she had recently found out.

"Woah... Allegra, what is all this excitement about?" was the first thing Isaac said to his daughter, the moment she arrived at their table, looking a little too excited. He chuckles and calls for the waiter, thinking that it was some sort of good news.

"Guess what I've found out yesterday dad!" her tone and expression turning into 'worry'.

"What is it?"

" Ross Poldark! he's dating her!!" Allegra declares. Describing how Aedan, her friend's date yesterday, has a fleeting resemblance to the character.

"Wait... what? " was his reply, unable to comprehend what his daughter was saying.

" Diana is dating again!!" she declares, clearer this time.

Isaac's expression changes from 'worry' to something darker. Which his daughter didn't notice as she continued telling what she found out.

A/N: I probably made some grammatical errors here and there, so I'd do some soft editing from time to time. Why do you think Isaac's expression darkened? tell me what you think in the comments below.

Also;

Brindisi - is a drinking song.

A number of Opera Singers / Choral Singers / Soloist / Orchestra Musicians have day jobs.

My face claims were; Aidan Turner and Hugh Jackman for Aedan and Max (Because Hugh can sing). I also want to assure you, they're not rivals of Isaac, but plot vouchers for the next chapters. These characters are there to give clarity and support to Diana.

[green-blooded-computer]

A Guide to RPing on Tumblr

I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately, so here’s my complete walkthrough on how to create a Tumblr RP blog. 

If you’d rather view on a Google Doc, here’s a link.

Enjoy.

Create Blog

Howdy, so the first thing you’ll have to do is click ‘register’ and make yourself a blog. You also have the choice of making a sideblog instead. I’m a person who likes to have this separated, so if you are only thinking of playing a couple characters, this might be the way to go for you. Here’s the difference between main/side blogs (taken from Tumblr’s help center):

Choose any url for now (we’ll talk about that later), and go to the next section.

Please note: When you make a new blog, it won’t show up in the search/people’s notifications for a bit of time (a day or so). Make sure you validate your email address asap. 

Get xKit

If you haven’t installed xKit, I highly suggest it. Go to their blog here, and get it for Chrome, Firefox, Edge, or Opera.

What is it? A little toolkit to make Tumblr easier to use.

When you install it, it’ll pop up on your top bar thing next to the lightning bolt like this:

It’s that thing with the x’s on it.

When you click the x’s this pops up:

Brill.

You can click ‘Get Extensions’ at the bottom and basically choose whatever you want, but may I recommend the following:

1) Editable Reblogs allows you to edit reblogs. Right. This is good because when you are replying to RP threads they tend to get rather long. Some advice that was given to me when I started: when you add your reply, delete everything before your partner’s last reply. So you should have your partner’s post and your post and that’s all. You just click ‘reblog’ and it pops up like normal, except now there’s this little guy:

If you click that, it will make everything in your reblog box editable.

2) One-Click Postage gives you a little box if you hover over the reblog button. It lets you reblog, queue, draft, tag, and add replies right from that page. You can even choose which blog (main/side) you want it to go to.  It looks like this:

The rest I will just say play around with! They are easy to add and take away.

Decide what kind of blog you want.

Multimuse Vs. Single muse: 

Do you want to play one character or a bunch of them? If you choose one character, your blog icon and theme will presumably feature that character or something to do with them. If you choose to focus on one, you should have info about your character available on your blog somewhere. If you choose to have more than one muse, you’ll need a list of the characters you offer and some info about them. 

When choosing a url for a multimuse, choose something that encompasses the spirit of you and your characters.

When choosing a url for a single muse, I go for quotes, nicknames, something about where they are from, what they like, their name, etc. Note: if you have dashes in your url (like mine @strings-have-been-cut) these won’t work with tags. People will have to turn them into separate words or one big word.

I do not have a multimuse, but I have seen them done all sorts of ways. Some people offer characters from all different fandoms, some are just one fandom, one genre, OCs, canons, a mixture...you can do what you like. 

If your blog is not affiliated with any sort of organized game, this is referred to as ‘independent’ often shortened to ‘idie’. 

Your blog description should mention which kind it is. For example: a sci-fi multimuse blog; a Star Trek OC blog; an indie Bill S. Preston Esq. from Bill and Ted RP blog. Details help sometimes. 

Canon Character Vs. Original Character

If you decide to make a canon character, make sure you have it clear somewhere where they are from! Canon characters can be canon divergent (your own version), they can crossover into other fandoms, they can be exactly as they are in your favourite book/show/movie/podcast...each version of a canon is unique and lovely.

If you decide to make an original character, make sure you give plenty of info about them! You want to tell people what fandom they fit into or if they are fandomless. ‘About’ pages are really important for OCs because there is no fanbase for them (yet!).

What should be in your description?

When someone clicks your blog, they will first see a dash preview sort of thing. It shows a description and a small header, along with the posts you’ve made. This description also shows up somewhere on your actual blog and on the top of the page on mobile view. It’s a great spot to give all the info about your blog real quick. I always include the following:

What is it? (Independent Data from Star Trek RP blog)

Age restrictions (21+)

Who you will RP with (mutuals only is called ‘private’ and choosing who you follow back is called ‘selective’.)

Mun’s name (played by [insert your name])

Possibly a link to your about/rules for easy access on desktop and mobile. I’ll talk about this more below. I call this ‘navigation’, but it varies. Note: if you edit your icon/dash header, any html links seem to go away. I’ve needed to go back into the theme customizer and add them back in. To add a link to your description, go into your customizer, go to the description section, and add the html as follows:

<a href=”url goes here”>link text goes here</a>

So mine is: <a href=”https://data-all-in-one.carrd.co”>Indie Data from Star Trek blog.</a>

The description for my Data blog reads: ‘Indie Data from Star Trek RP blog. Click here for navigation. 21+. Private/selective. Played by Fool.

What should be on this blog?

In my experience, you need a couple of pages on your blog to get you started:

About the character - basically a biography

Rules - so people know what you are about

About the mun - so people can know about the person they are writing with

Possibly a link to your ‘ask memes’ tag - see below.

These can be organized however you like, but people tend to look for a few specific things.

About the Character

This should read like a biography. Back in the day, we used to call them ‘character apps’ and they had all your basic info about the character. Sometimes this section contains a subsection called ‘verses’ in which the mun spells out what universes they exist in. Say I had an AU where Data owns an arcade in San Francisco in the 80’s. I’d list that as one of his ‘verses’. This is extremely important for OCs, but very helpful for canons too. 

Data has four: TNG era, TNG movie era, AU where he lives after Nemesis, AU where he’s around during Star Trek: Picard. I gave a little info about both. 

Rules

Rules are usually organized into the things people are looking for before they start playing with you. Some good info to include: 

Mun age

Your policy on adult content

How you deal with tagging triggers

Your policy on following back

Your policy on writing with mutuals vs. anyone

Do you allow personal blogs (non RP blogs) to follow you?

How fast do you reply?

How does your tagging system work?

How do you deal with shipping? 

Here is a link to my usual Rules page for reference. Remember, it’s not wrong if it’s different than mine!

Note: People will look for how old you are. Many people in the RPC are adults, and they want to write with people their own age. If your age is not posted somewhere clearly, they may not follow you back. 

About the Mun 

This is really just a little blurb about you. Some people include their age here. Some people include links to their other blogs. Some people include their Discord info, as that’s really popular right now. It’s just nice to know who you are writing with.

It’s important to note that there are different ways to present all of these blogs. Some people have them as pages on their Tumblr blog itself, some people put all of this (Bio, About, Rules, etc) in a Google Doc and link it, some people use Carrd.co - there are a ton of ways. A friend of mine did this amazing post about some options out there. I personally go for Carrd.co, seeing as I am on mobile a lot and I find it very helpful, but it’s up to you. 

Now I have a blog with all the info. How do I get started?

Well there are a few things you can do to get yourself out there.

Make yourself a promo. It’s basically an advertisement for your blog. If you aren’t good at graphics, you can head to an RP Resource blog and see if they have any you can use with their permission. You can also just post a picture with some info. For me, the info on this promo matches that of my blog description - I want people to know what I’m all about as soon as they look at it. Then you can tag for your appropriate fandom RP. Your mutuals will likely reblog to help spread the word. Yay.

Find a directory for your RPC by searching in the search. This will allow you to a) reblog your info and be listen in a place where people can find you and b) allow you to find others in your RPC in an organized way. Then you can go through, find people you think you’d like to follow, and follow them. 

Make a starter or plotter call. This is, again, just a picture or graphic and some information about it. Here is one I made for Data specifically asking for Picard threads:

I asked for a specific universe and a specific character here. I also put all relative tags in case someone is just searching Tumblr (although I think it’s more for the people who follow me). Here’s a simpler one I made for B-4 that’s a lot more open. 

They don’t have to be super fancy. 

When people see a starter call, they can like your post. This is a quick an easy way to let you know they are interested in a thread. 

4. Ask Memes. Asks are invaluable. There are whole blogs dedicated to ask memes that you can post to your blog, and these can be really easy ways for people to come up with plot ideas or just to read some of your writing. I always keep a link on my blog to everything tagged ‘ask meme’ so if people want to find a meme they have choices!

It seems like there’s a certain aesthetic on these new fangled RP blogs. Do I have to do that?

No! But you can, if you want. If you aren’t good at coding and graphics, there are a lot of RP resource sites that can help you. (Can I recommend this one?) It is nice to have things like a face claim, a nice looking promo, a cool theme, etc. but at the end of the day, we all just want to write and have fun.

Advice?

Look, I’ve only been RPing on Tumblr for a couple of months and I am by NO MEANS an expert. I have gotten all of this knowledge through the help of friends and nice strangers willing to answer questions for me. Here are a few things I have picked up:

Respect people’s rules - We are all shy and all have our own thing going on. If someone says they’re uncomfortable doing one thing, just like...don’t do it.

Talk to other people - Don’t ignore the mun! Unless they really want you to. It’s better to ask questions, compliment writing, talk about your plots and stuff...it’s so much harder than trying to figure out what the other person feels/wants.

Ask questions - I’m a 6th grade teacher, and I get a million and fuckton questions every minute usually. It’s been eye-opening, because now I’m all about asking questions about everything all the time. I think knowledge is amazing. People know all different things, and the most logical way to be a productive society is to share knowledge (that’s one of the main teachings of Surak) so ask some questions! Hell, ask me some questions! Reach out to someone who seems nice!

Okay, that’s all. Good luck!

[moneypedia]

How to Defend Against False Accusations: A Personal Defense and 5 Guidelines to Protect The Truth

August 5, 2018 By Drew Shepherd

[Note: This post contains details about an undiagnosed case of borderline personality disorder (BPD). These details are included for informational purposes only, not to spread hate towards people with the illness.

If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with BPD, however, you may want to avoid this article.]

Guilty until proven innocent.

That’s the new norm these days.

Our current social climate has made it empowering to be a victim. And any abusers left standing must be exterminated—whether they’re guilty or not.

Please don’t think I’m downplaying the experience of actual victims though.

I know what it’s like to be among the lowest of society, and the struggle of real victims is part of the inspiration behind this site.

But the inconvenient truth is that all these “abusers” aren’t the monsters they’re made out to be.

Why do I say that you ask?

Because I’m one of them.

And this is my story.

The Accusation(s)

During my early twenties, I got involved with a girl who I later realized had borderline personality disorder (BPD).

I’ve already written about the experience and I’ve alluded to it multiple times since. So please read that article before this one if you haven’t already.

BPD is a serious mental illness, but most people have never heard of it, let alone know how to diagnose it.

If you’re not aware of how people with the disorder act, this post will come off as a rant against an innocent girl who liked me—which couldn’t be further from the truth.

But to summarize, the most notable symptom of BPD is the inability to regulate emotions. It’s a symptom so powerful that a sufferer’s feelings can define his or her reality. And this is what leads to many false accusations.

Manipulation, emotional abuse, cheating, promiscuity—she publicly accused me of all them.

It’s part of the process of “painting someone black.” The BPD person goes through cycles of both extreme love and hate for their loved one, but once the relationship ends, the other party is permanently devalued.

Of course this treatment is reserved for those in close relationships with the BPD sufferer. Outsiders will only see a victim pleading her case.

I’ve stayed quiet on these accusations so far since most of them don’t have any substance, but I unfortunately made one mistake that appears to give her claims some validity.

So I’m sure that she already has, or eventually will use this evidence against me. And if her false accusations were to gain traction, they would not only destroy my reputation, but also the legitimacy of the message I present on this site.

The latter is my primary reason for defense.

I’ve always said that the Bible is the basis for my moral judgment, and that couldn’t be more important than in sexual matters.

Now do I always control my lustful impulses and thoughts?

And do I always prevent myself from viewing images I shouldn’t see?

No.

I’m a Christian but I’m still a sinful human being. Controlling lust is part of the lifelong battle against sin in the Christian life.

But when it comes to things like fornication and adultery, I’ve held true to my stance on abstinence.

And as tough as it is to be a twenty-something with this stance in our sex-saturated world, it’s beyond frustrating to be accused of doing the complete opposite.

I’m an ambassador for what I believe. And I can’t allow anything on this site—faith-related or not—to be diminished because of one person’s claims.

So I’ll go into detail here about what really happened, and then I’ll show you how to defend against false accusations once and for all.

Drew “The Player”

I’ll preface my story with a little background information.

I was going into my last semester in college, and it had been about a year since I saw my accuser in person.

Things didn’t end well between me and her the last time we were “together.” But I was admittedly still interested in her—even with all the red flags.

It appeared that both of us were sad with the way the first go ‘round ended. So I foolishly tried to work something out with her before the semester started.

To my surprise, I was ignored and indirectly shot down.

How a normal girl would’ve reacted

It hurt pretty bad after putting myself out there for someone I thought still cared. But rejection is a part of life, so I moved on.

What’s crazy though, is that she changed her mind at some point afterwards. And even though I never got a direct response from her, she apparently assumed we were in a quasi-relationship.

Now fast forward to February.

It was the week of Valentine’s Day. And while I did still think of her, I wasn’t sending a Valentine’s Day anything to a girl who I didn’t trust, who now lived in a different state, and who couldn’t even respond to my direct communication.

The only reason I entertained the thought of us getting back together—if we were ever truly together in the first place—was because she hoovered me back in.

Hoovering is a term that describes actions similar to what its namesake, the Hoover vacuum does.

It’s a tactic people with personality disorders subconsciously use to suck loved ones back in after a failed relationship.

In this case, she used one of the social media apps we both had to convince me that she was open to a renewed relationship, and that she had changed for the better.

But at this point, I was just focused on schoolwork because I had no clue what this girl was thinking.

I had a senior project for an external company that took most of my time that semester.

My project group and I met just about every weekday. And at the time, we were all trying to meet a deadline coming up the next week.

The day after Valentine’s Day, one of my teammates mentioned that we should go play trivia at a local bar. But being the introverted party-pooper I am, I declined.

My schedule involved waking at around 5:30 each day. My teammates were always out too late for my liking, and I knew I’d never make it back in time to get enough sleep if I went.

So I gave the whole, “Thanks, but no thanks” spiel even though I knew they wouldn’t let me off that easy.

Our team was a pretty tight group—especially for four people who were assigned to each other at random.

We had a ton of inside jokes by the end of the semester. And they were the first to tease me at graduation because my honor stole nearly fell as I walked across the stage.

So naturally, they all had a good laugh at me for not wanting to miss my bedtime.

Of course it was all playful fun though. I did get back at them numerous times over the semester, but I’ll admit that I have an off-kilter personality that lends itself to being teased.

So anyway, we went our separate ways and I headed to bed.

The next day, I saw an email from the night before saying that I was invited to a school-specific social app. I didn’t see the email until the early morning though because I went to bed early.

I had never heard of the app before and I was skeptical. So my first thought after waking and reading the email was, “What the heck is (app name here)?”

My second thought was, “Who’s the funny guy who sent this?”

Now I knew it was someone who previously had my email address.

Of course any student could have pulled that info from the school’s directory, but I doubt anyone would have gone through the trouble of searching their class roster, finding me, and then using my email address for the sake of hitting me up on an app.

So it had to be someone with whom I worked with closely or had a personal relationship with.

With these facts in mind, I falsely concluded that it was a prank from my teammate that the rest of the group was in on.

They had just gone out together the night before. And they always found a way to mess with me—even when I wasn’t around.

So just like any other time I felt I was being pranked, manipulated, or taken advantage of, I played along with the hope that the other party wouldn’t realize until it was too late (and this has been my M.O. since I was a kid).

But doing this, in hindsight, was a terrible idea.

Any form of participation on what I later realized was a hookup app would paint me in a bad light. And the consequences of my actions weren’t as clear at 5:30 in the morning.

After I made a quick profile—complete with pictures no man would ever use if he was truly seeking casual sex—I waited about 15 minutes for a response that never came.

Then after realizing how bad my actions could appear without context, I quickly deleted the app and went on with my day.

I’m not sure if I completely wiped the profile I created. But since the app was lesser-known and low key about its hookup aspect—it’s not like I signed on to Tinder—I figured this wouldn’t be a problem.

Outside of my own actions with the invite and the app though, I don’t know anything else. But there’s a chance that a troll profile made 10 minutes after I woke could end up biting me. And that’s why I’ve chosen to address it.

Now, I’m almost certain this invite was from my accuser. And I still kick myself for not recognizing the true source of the bait.

My actions gave her the apparent confirmation that I was “playing the field.” And within the week, she either started, or just made it obvious that she was sleeping with another guy to spite me—a wild and disproportionate response to the thought that your S.O. may be seeing someone else.

So once I confirmed that this actually happened, I ghosted her and all her drama, focused on my schoolwork (which led to my first 4.0), and then went along with my life.

People with BPD are notorious for doing stuff like this. It’s the reason why a popular book covering the illness is called Stop Walking On Eggshells (affiliate link):

They’ll cry about a lack of communication but then ignore you when you reach out to them.

They’ll go on about how lonely they are while sleeping with one of their (or even your) “friends” behind your back.

They’ll say you’re too stupid to complete a task but discredit you when you do it, and then raise the bar higher so you won’t reach the new mark.

After a while you won’t know what to do because she’ll never be satisfied. And everyone else will chalk it up to you not knowing how to treat a woman.

No-win situations and constant testing are common to those in relationships with these people—especially in regards to anything sexual. So I presume the invite was a test to see if I was some dirtbag who would cheat on his partner.

Now I’d hesitate to call it cheating either way since she ignored my attempts to directly communicate, and I had no idea what our relationship status was.

But the other “fact” she gathered was that I was a player who enjoyed casual sex (an assumption that would have driven a younger me mad with laughter).

Look, I understand that I don’t have a squeaky-clean Christian boy appearance—going through trials doesn’t purify the outside after all.

But that doesn’t mean I partake in the same activities those who look like me may be into. And it for sure doesn’t mean that my moral character is anything different than what I present on this site.

Of course it doesn’t help that I’m black either…but I won’t go down that road.

I should also note that I don’t have a personal Facebook or Instagram account. So it’s tough for others to know much about my life unless they read this site or talk to me or my loved ones personally.

This blank space makes me an easy target for accusations since I can be unknowingly attacked through mediums where I can’t defend myself. And there are no videos of me playing with my dog to fill the holes left by my “shady” lifestyle.

Usually this isn’t a problem as most of the people I meet don’t care about my online presence. But of course there’s always one person who assumes the worst case scenario. And it’s sad that in my case, this person was someone I genuinely liked before.

These obsessive behaviors were nothing new though:

This same girl cried sobbed in the middle of one of our classes—when we were both in our twenties mind you—because I didn’t initially return her interest.

She would go from spaced-out to depressed and then stare at me like it was my fault.

She even accused me of cheating after seeing a pic my mom took of me when I was at dinner with my family.

So you can imagine the relief I felt when I closed the door on that for good.

At this point, the only ones who still believe her lies—or to be fair to the illness she has, her reality—are people I’ve never met.

But I’m not even mad anymore. I’m just annoyed that my life is still negatively affected because I fell for the wrong girl.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the honest truth.

How to Craft Your Defense

So now that my story’s out of the way, how do you fight your own false accusations?

It’s not too difficult.

Just follow these 5 guidelines to protect yourself in both the present, and the future:

1) Remember the Alibi

As tempting as it is to piece together a story that makes you look like a saint, you have to ensure the truth you present is actually…well, true.

Since I couldn’t remember all this off the top of my head, I dug through my old emails and group conversations to get the timeline right. And I could always use them again if legal action was involved.

It also helps that I have an archive of posts here that clearly present my personality and the mistakes I’ve made.

You can even compare this post to the one I wrote on BPD earlier and you’ll see numerous similarities. If anyone thought I was lying, they could search the other 40+ posts here too to see that the story adds up.

But if you don’t have thousands of words as supporting evidence, just take your time, breathe, and write down what happened as best as you remember.

False accusations can cloud your memory when you first hear them, and your emotions will push for a raw defense. But if you start writing what you remember, you can put that passion to good use now, and update your writing later with more facts.

A story set in writing will be a great resource to have. You don’t want to lean on your memory or your speech when the pressure’s on.

If you write down what happened, you’ll also find other bits of evidence you’ll need to prepare your defense. And if your audience is really concerned with the truth, they’ll take all the info they can get.

2) Compare the Fruit

Perhaps the easiest way to expose the shakiness of false accusations is to note the shakiness of the accuser’s lifestyle.

This is by far my least favorite technique though since it appears to be an attack on character instead of the accusation itself. But understand that those two targets aren’t mutually exclusive.

A person who usually acts one way is almost certain to do it again.

And no, that fact isn’t judgmental. It’s simple probability.

This is going to sound like I’m bragging about my accomplishments and attacking her character, but let’s compare some notable points about my life and my accuser’s:

I improved to at least a 3.5 GPA in my last four college semesters within a STEM major. But I’ll admit my accuser was booksmart, so we’re pretty much even there.

I have never gotten blacked-out drunk (or even consumed alcohol). I have never taken an illegal substance. And I have never lived a promiscuous lifestyle. My accuser has done, and probably still does, all three.

I landed a stable job in my field more than a month before I graduated, and I’m still employed there today. My accuser barely held a job as a bar server about a year after graduating with the same degree.

Again, I don’t like expressing my achievements, and I never want to attack anyone’s character. We all make mistakes, and I made one of the biggest mistakes any student ever will (which she contributed to by the way).

But when someone’s lifestyle displays a clear pattern of incompetence, recklessness, and mental instability, the validity of their claims also takes a hit.

And that’s without mentioning that I’ve written the equivalent of a book here at HFE—a site where I cover my own shortcomings just as much, if not more than my accomplishments—on my own time and dollar because I believe it will help others.

So knowing all this, let me ask you, who do you think is telling the truth?

A tree’s fruit always gives it away.

Know who you are and know who you’re dealing with so any other lies are dismissed as the jokes they are.

3) Change “I” to “We”

The most unfortunate thing about false accusations is that no one’s waiting to hear a verdict.

As soon as those words leave your accuser’s mouth, you will be facing much more than one person.

Friends, family, social circles, even whole communities may turn against you.

And what began as a defense against one liar becomes a battle against an entire army.

So what do you do when this multitude of warriors stands against you?

It’s simple.

You gather the troops.

Find people who can vouch for your story. Get help from friends who aren’t blinded by the lies. Ask people who were neutral bystanders to explain what happened since they’re not biased.

I know I can get anyone from former classmates, friends, and family members to acknowledge the truth of my claims.

And since I know the mental issues my accuser deals with, I can also refer to a psychologist or another mental health resource.

An understanding of my accuser’s mind is one of the best counters to her claims. Yes, she acts in unstable ways, but they’re predictably unstable, and numerous people have experience with the problem I have now.

You shouldn’t be afraid to get professional help either.

Lawyer up if it’s serious enough.

Slander and libel are legit crimes. And if you can prove that your life is heavily impacted, especially financially, you may have a case.

So don’t go at this alone. You can bet your accuser isn’t.

4) Go One and Done

The biggest mistake people make when presenting any argument, defense, or reasoning is that they over-explain themselves.

Sure, you want to be as thorough as possible in your explanation, and you should reference points of that original argument to answer questions. But there’s no need to add to your stance or sate a mind that will never believe you.

If you’ve taken the necessary steps to present and defend the truth, you have to live with the results.

Learn to be comfortable with the fact that everyone won’t like, listen to, or believe you. Because the more you add to your original defense, the weaker it will appear.

You’ll also introduce more room for error. And it would be a shame for a memory lapse to cause an otherwise solid defense to fail.

Remember that it’s only your job to present the truth. Not to make others believe it.

I’m confident that my defense removes any ammo my accuser has left. So now the only claims she can bring against me are accusations of neglect—which don’t matter since I’m not her parent—or causing hurt feelings—which isn’t a crime in America yet.

I presented the truth one time, and now there’s no need to address her claims again.

Every accusation doesn’t deserve a response. So stay true to what really happened, and let people think what they want afterwards.

5) Don’t Even Fake It

These accusations have made me realize the importance of the Bible’s command to, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:22 KJV)

It’s not enough to just avoid evil acts. You have to avoid situations where you could possibly do them too.

For instance, plenty articles on false accusations describe how to protect yourself against false rape claims. But if someone can accuse you of something like rape without an obvious fabrication, you are in over your head.

You can’t reach the point where a verdict is decided by a “yes” or “no.”

It’s one of the many reasons you shouldn’t sleep around in the first place. You are putting your life in the hands of someone who could easily change their mind in the morning. And you have to stay out of that gray area.

Remember to guard your character at all times. You never know when you’ll need to fall back on your integrity.

For example, I remember one conversation I had with a friend a few years back, and my accuser happened to be in the room.

My friend noticed that I received a few glances of interest from girls. So out of the blue he asked, “Drew, how many girls do you get?”

He chuckled while asking the question, so of course it wasn’t anything serious. He didn’t ask about anything explicitly sexual either.

So being the joker I am, I said something along the lines of, “I don’t know. I lost count.”

Then the both of us laughed it off.

But there’s a chance my accuser heard those words and immediately assumed the worst.

It would have been ridiculous to say something like:

“I’m sorry sir, but I am a Bible-believing man of God who has accepted the challenge to live righteously. How dare you imply that I live such a heinous lifestyle?!”

So I had a quick laugh and moved off the subject.

But even this could have added to her claims. So now I try not to even joke about stuff like that—at least not when I’m around people who barely know me.

You should do the same. But don’t limit your efforts to watching your tongue:

Always dress in a respectable manner.

Avoid the crazy nighttime venues—they’re magnets for people like my accuser.

And please don’t go to a hotel room belonging to a member of the opposite sex.

Presentation always matters.

Avoid the appearance of evil, and it’ll be impossible to even accuse you.

Grant Me That Chance

I’ve had enough headaches from my past relationship, and I’d rather not think about it anymore.

But it was important to defend myself here before any other false info leaked.

I hope none of it came across as too aggressive though. I wrote all of this to clear my name, not to get revenge.

From all I’ve seen, read, and now experienced, real victims don’t go out of their way to destroy their abuser’s life. They just want justice and a chance to finally move on.

So if anything else comes up about this, please remember this point and grant me that chance.

Contrary to what some people think, I don’t hate my accuser, and I hope she’s able to turn her life around.

If there was a normal version of her who didn’t have what she had, I’d love to meet her. But the ship has sailed on anything between me and the real her.

All I want now is peace and the freedom to live a good life. And I’m sure that’s all you want too.

So remember who you are, take a stand for the truth, and then defend it with your life.

And who knows? Someone else may come to your defense if you do.

-Drew

[hydrus]

Version 422

windows

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exe

macOS

app

linux

tar.gz

🎉🎉 It was hydrus's birthday this week! 🎉🎉

I had a great week. I mostly fixed bugs and improved quality of life.

tags

It looks like when I optimised tag autocomplete around v419, I accidentally broke the advanced 'character:*'-style lookups (which you can enable under tags->manage tag display and search. I regret this is not the first time these clever queries have been broken by accident. I have fixed them this week and added several sets of unit tests to ensure I do not repeat this mistake.

These expansive searches should also work faster, cancel faster, and there are a few new neat cache optimisations to check when an expensive search's results for 'char' or 'character:' can quickly provide results for a later 'character:samus'. Overall, these queries should be a bit better all around. Let me know if you have any more trouble.

The single-tag right-click menu now always shows sibling and parent data, and for all services. Each service stacks siblings/parents into tall submenus, but the tall menu feels better to me than nested, so we'll see how that works out IRL. You can click any sibling or parent to copy to clipboard, so I have retired the 'copy' menu's older and simpler 'siblings' submenu.

misc

Some websites have a 'redirect' optimisation where if a gallery page has only one file, it moves you straight to the post page for that file. This has been a problem for hydrus for some time, and particularly affected users who were doing md5: queries on certain sites, but I believe the downloader engine can now handle it correctly, forwarding the redirect URL to the file queue. This is working on some slightly shakey tech that I want to improve more in future, but let me know how you get on with it.

The UPnPc executables (miniupnp, here https://miniupnp.tuxfamily.org/) are no longer bundled in the 'bin' directory. These files were a common cause of anti-virus false positives every few months, and are only used by a few advanced users to set up servers and hit network->data->manage upnp, so I have decided that new users will have to install it themselves going forward. Trying to perform a UPnP operation when the exe cannot be found now gives a popup message talking about the situation and pointing to the new readme in the bin directory.

After working with a user, it seems that some clients may not have certain indices that speed up sibling and parent lookups. I am not totally sure if this was due to hard drive damage or broken update logic, but the database now looks for and heals this problem on every boot.

parsing (advanced)

String converters can now encode or decode by 'unicode escape characters' ('\u0394'-to-'Δ') and 'html entities' ('&'-to-'&'). Also, when you tell a json formula to fetch 'json' rather than 'string', it no longer escapes unicode.

The hydrus downloader system no longer needs the borked 'bytes' decode for a 'file hash' content parser! These content parsers now have a 'hex'/'base64' dropdown in their UI, and you just deliver that string. This ugly situation was a legacy artifact of python2, now finally cleared up. Existing string converters now treat 'hex' or 'base64' decode steps as a no-op, and existing 'file hash' content parsers should update correctly to 'hex' or 'base64' based on what their string converters were doing previously. The help is updated to reflect this. hex/base64 encodes are still in as they are used for file lookup script hash initialisation, but they will likely get similar treatment in future.

birthday

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

On December 14th, 2011, the first non-experimental beta of hydrus was released. This week marks nine years. It has been a lot of work and a lot of fun.

Looking back on 2020, we converted a regularly buggy and crashy new Qt build to something much faster and nicer than we ever had with wx. Along with that came mpv and smooth video and finally audio playing out of the client. The PTR grew to a billion mappings(!), and with that came many rounds of database optimisation, speeding up many complicated tag and file searches. You can now save and load those searches, and most recently, search predicates are now editable in-place. Siblings and parents were updated to completely undoable virtual systems, resulting in much faster boot time and thumbnail load and greatly improved tag relationship logic. Subscriptions were broken into smaller objects, meaning they load and edit much faster, and several CPU-heavy routines no longer interrupt or judder browsing. And the Client API expanded to allow browsing applications and easier login solutions for difficult sites.

There are still a couple thousand things I would like to do, so I hope to keep going into 2021. I deeply appreciate the feedback, help, and support over the years. Thank you!

If you would like to further support my work and are in a position to do so, my simple no-reward Patreon is here: https://www.patreon.com/hydrus_dev

full list

advanced tags:

fixed the search code for various 'total' autocomplete searches like '*' and 'namespace:*', which were broken around v419's optimised regular tag lookups. these search types also have a round of their own search optimisations and improved cancel latency. I am sorry for the trouble here

expanded the database autocomplete fetch unit tests to handle these total lookups so I do not accidentally kill them due to typo/ignorance again

updated the autocomplete result cache object to consult a search's advanced search options (as under _tags->manage tag display and search_) to test whether a search cache for 'char' or 'character:' is able to serve results for a later 'character:samus' input

optimised file and tag search code for cases where someone might somehow sneak an unoptimised raw '*:subtag' or 'namespace:*' search text in

updated and expanded the autocomplete result cache unit tests to handle the new tested options and the various 'total' tests, so they aren't disabled by accident again

cancelling a autocomplete query with a gigantic number of results should now cancel much quicker when you have a lot of siblings

the single-tag right-click menu now shows siblings and parents info for every service, and will work on taglists in the 'all known tags' domain. clicking on any item will copy it to clipboard. this might result in megatall submenus, but we'll see. tall seems easier to use than nested per-service for now

the more primitive 'siblings' submenu on the taglist 'copy' right-click menu is now removed

right-click should no longer raise an error on esoteric taglists (such as tag filters and namespace colours). you might get some funky copy strings, which is sort of fun too

the copy string for the special namespace predicate ('namespace:*anything*') is now 'namespace:*', making it easier to copy/paste this across pages

.

misc:

the thumbnail right-click 'copy/open known urls by url class' commands now exclude those urls that match a more specific url class (e.g. /post/123456 vs /post/123456/image.jpg)

miniupnpc is no longer bundled in the official builds. this executable is only used by a few advanced users and was a regular cause of anti-virus false positives, so I have decided new users will have to install it manually going forward.

the client now looks for miniupnpc in more places, including the system path. when missing, its error popups have better explanation, pointing users to a new readme in the bin directory

UPnP errors now have more explanation for 'No IGD UPnP Device' errortext

the database's boot-repair function now ensures indices are created for: non-sha256 hashes, sibling and parent lookups, storage tag cache, and display tag cache. some users may be missing indices here for unknown update logic or hard drive damage reasons, and this should speed them right back up. the boot-repair function now broadcasts 'checking database for faults' to the splash, which you will see if it needs some time to work

the duplicates page once again correctly updates the potential pairs count in the 'filter' tab when potential search finishes or filtering finishes

added the --boot_debug launch switch, which for now prints additional splash screen texts to the log

the global pixmaps object is no longer initialised in client model boot, but now on first request

fixed type of --db_synchronous_override launch parameter, which was throwing type errors

updated the client file readwrite lock logic and brushed up its unit tests

improved the error when the client database is asked for the id of an invalid tag that collapses to zero characters

the qss stylesheet directory is now mapped to the static dir in a way that will follow static directory redirects

.

downloaders and parsing (advanced):

started on better network redirection tech. if a post or gallery URL is 3XX redirected, hydrus now recognises this, and if the redirected url is the same type and parseable, the new url and parser are swapped in. if a gallery url is redirected to a non-gallery url, it will create a new file import object for that URL and say so in its gallery log note. this tentatively solves the 'booru redirects one-file gallery pages to post url' problem, but the whole thing is held together by prayer. I now have a plan to rejigger my pipelines to deal with this situation better, ultimately I will likely expose and log all redirects so we can always see better what is going on behind the scenes

added 'unicode escape characters' and 'html entities' string converter encode/decode types. the former does '\u0394'-to-'Δ', and the latter does '&'-to-'&'

improved my string converter unit tests and added the above to them

in the parsing system, decoding from 'hex' or 'base64' is no longer needed for a 'file hash' content type. these string conversions are now no-ops and can be deleted. they converted to a non-string type, an artifact of the old way python 2 used to handle unicode, and were a sore thumb for a long time in the python 3 parsing system. 'file hash' content types now have a 'hex'/'base64' dropdown, and do decoding to raw bytes at a layer above string parsing. on update, existing file hash content parsers will default to hex and attempt to figure out if they were a base64 (however if the hex fails, base64 will be attempted as well anyway, so it is not critically important here if this update detection is imperfect). the 'hex' and 'base64' _encode_ types remain as they are still used in file lookup script hash initialisation, but they will likely be replaced similarly in future. hex or base64 conversion will return in a purely string-based form as technically needed in future

updated the make-a-downloader help and some screenshots regarding the new hash decoding

when the json parsing formula is told to get the 'json' of a parsed node, this no longer encodes unicode with escape characters (\u0394 etc...)

duplicating or importing nested gallery url generators now refreshes all internal reference ids, which should reduce the liklihood of accidentally linking with related but differently named existing GUGs

importing GUGs or NGUGs through Lain easy import does the same, ensuring the new objects 'seem' fresh to a client and should not incorrectly link up with renamed versions of related NGUGs or GUGs

added unit tests for hex and base64 string converter encoding

next week

Last week of the year. I could not find time to do the network updates I wanted to this week, so that would be nice. Otherwise I will try and clean and fix little things before my week off over Christmas. The 'big thing to work on next' poll will go up next week with the 423 release posts.

[thirteen-beaxhes]

Well This is Egg-celent (Tyrus One Shot)

Summary: TJ jokingly left a comment on Cyrus Goodman’s Tweet, and got an unexpected response.

Words: 4248

AO3 LINK IN REBLOG

~~~~~~~~~

“Hope you guys enjoyed this one! I loved the concept and had a blast making it with all my friends. I will see you all again, with another ridiculous to execute idea!” And the screen went black, the boxes of Youtube’s recommended videos popping up.

TJ laughed slightly at the end, using the back of his hoodie sleeve to wipe his nose, ignoring the tears streaming down his face. No stopping them clearly. But he was happy for the short break from his spiralling mind, for the brief respite.

Thank god for Cyrus Goodman’s films and videos, he thought to himself with a sigh, pushing his laptop back onto the bed which he had currently been lying on for two days straight. Amber had been walking in every now and then, desperately trying to get TJ to do something, anything, to try and not have him sink further into his emotions.

That worked about as well as one could imagine.

Drawing a shaky breath, TJ brushed off some of the cookie crumbs on his hoodie, accidentally kicking the empty ice cream carton off the bed. Oh well. He looked around his room to find it resembling the scene of a tornado hitting it. But he just couldn’t get himself to clean it. In that state, the chaos was comforting to him.

He picked up his phone, rubbing his stinging eyes as he opened Instagram. He clicked on the first Story, not even checking the name. He just wanted to let them play, giving some background noise as he just stared blankly at his screen. But, he jerked his head forward as soon as he heard that oh, so familiar voice.

Louis.

TJ gulped, his throat suddenly dry. He held his phone up with both his hands, peering at the screen, looking at the boy who had walked into his life a year ago and had stolen his heart, and who had left nothing but a stain on the carpet when he ran away with its broken pieces 3 days ago. He was at the bowling alley, hugging another boy TJ hadn’t seen before by the shoulders, laughing, his smile radiant. Having the time of his life.

Hoor-fucking-ray.

Tears filled up his eyes, as he immediately exited the stories, slamming his phone down onto the bed. He sniffed, unable to stop  some stray ones from falling, the drops staining his hoodie.

He just hadn’t been good enough for him, that was it, TJ thought to himself, picking up his phone again, very pointedly avoiding Instagram. That’s why he was able to move on so fast. That, and the circumstances of their actual break up.

TJ took a deep breath, opening Twitter to absent-mindedly scroll through his account. He made it a point to stick to his stan account, knowing that it was the only social media where he wasn’t following a certain someone. He let out a small breath every time he came across a meme, just trying to lose himself to the endless scrolling.

A few minutes later, a notification popped up with the tweeting of a bird. TJ narrowed his eyes, scrolling up and letting a small smile come up on his face.

@CyGoodman_ : i’m in an irrationally vengeful and havoc-wreaking mood now

TJ laughed quietly, shaking his head slightly at the tweet. He could just imagine Cyrus standing with a sledgehammer ready to total someone’s car. He focused more on the Cyrus part than the car, but no one needed to know that.

Maybe it was the mood he was in, or maybe TJ was just too tired. But soon enough, he found himself typing out a reply and posting it, before he was able to register what exactly he had just said.

@filmsaregoodman : haha great maybe you can help me egg my idiot ex’s house this weekend then

Why did he say that?! Cyrus was going to think he was so weird!! TJ thought to himself in a panic, taking short breaths as he clicked on the button to delete it, but he stopped himself.

He would never see it, given the flood of replies, he rationalised. Besides, he just saw someone ask him to meet them in an abandoned building with a pickaxe so he definitely didn’t have to worry about being too weird.

TJ just groaned, shutting off his phone and plugging it into his charger as he turned onto his side. He just needed to sleep and focus on trying and actually getting up the next day, he thought as he pulled the sheet over himself.

*

The beeping of his alarm drilled into TJ’s brain, and he groaned as he rolled over onto his back, pinching the bridge of his nose. Who invented the concept of time? TJ just wanted to have a kind word with them.

As he blindly reached for his phone, TJ was also hit with the unimaginable stench of his room, courtesy of him not having showered. He winced at that, making a mental note to go crazy on the deodorant. He opened his phone, clicking on the Twitter app. Nothing extraordinary seemed to have happened, but when TJ looked through his messages, his eyes caught a name and he yelped loudly, falling off his bed in an unceremonious crash.

“TJ!” Amber yelled, running into the room, holding a spatula. She saw TJ breathing heavy on the floor, muttering wildly to himself. She walked up to him and smacked him on the head with the spatula. “What happened?!”

“Why do you have a spatula?!” TJ asked incredulously, rubbing his head.

“Cuz I thought you were being attacked!”

“So a spatula was your best weapon? You were literally in the kitchen! With knives!”

“Well, I’m sorry if I grabbed the first weapon I could find! And we are getting off track!”

“Okay so,” TJ said loudly, before holding up his phone in excitement. “Cyrus Goodman DM’ed me!”

“What?!” Amber yelled excitedly, dropping the spatula on the floor as she jumped next to TJ. “What? How?”

TJ explained the Tweets from the previous night and then held his phone up to her, showing her the message. Amber pulled the phone to her, peering at the message in confusion.

“Hey! This is so weird and may seem stalkerish ahhhh but I saw your reply to my tweet so I wanted to ask: can I have your address?? I swear I won’t send a hitman to your house!” Amber read out, narrowing her eyes in confusion. “Well, that’s strange.”

“I know but, he messaged me!” TJ squealed, but soon he looked at her in confusion. “What do I say? What does he want my address for? Maybe he wants to send something? Oh my god, how do I look?”

Amber laughed, shaking her head as she got up, patting him on the shoulder. “I don’t know bro, you need to figure that out.” With that, she walked out of the room, yelling that she would be back from work late that day.

TJ sighed as Amber left, hiding his head in his hands.

He could draft a message to his favourite creator no problem, right?

Yeah, right.

*

Despite his five hundred mental breakdowns over trying to type a single word to Cyrus Goodman, the next couple days passed relatively normally. Amber finally managed to shove TJ out of bed, forcing him to go to work at the coffee shop where Marty was extremely concerned at his disappearance. Life returned to normal, and if TJ shied away from his phone and social media, and just smiled amicably at guys who tried to hit on him, no one said a word. The messages and tweets slipped out of his mind almost completely.

It was now Friday, and TJ groaned as Amber walked up to him, modelling yet another dress as she prepared for her date that night.

“You sure you’ll be okay at home?” Amber asked, concerned, as she looked at herself in the mirror.

“Yes Amber, I’ll be perfectly fine,” TJ said, laughing slightly.

“Okay,” she said, slightly unsure. But soon, she grabbed her handbag and left, flashing a small smile of nervousness before she left.

After she had gone, TJ slumped into the couch, grabbing the popcorn and ice cream he had abandoned as Amber asked him opinions on all her outfits for her date. He opened Netflix, hugging a pillow as he clicked play on ‘Always be my Maybe’, telling himself he was only watching for Keanu Reeves, not at all because he was lonely and rom-coms were his only shot at romance in his life.

He was more than halfway through the movie, and past the point of being civil as he ate, stuffing popcorn into his mouth as tears rolled down his cheeks. It wasn’t even that the movie was sad, but he was just having one of those movie nights. Suddenly, he heard a knock at the door. Narrowing his eyes, TJ brushed off some popcorn kernels, confused at who could it be. Not Amber, unless her date went bad.

Probably their neighbour about sugar, TJ sighed, as he pushed himself off the couch and rubbed his eyes as he shuffled to the door.

“Sorry mate, no sugar,” TJ said, before looking up and gasping.

Cyrus. Goodman.

What happened next, TJ wasn’t at all proud of. He screamed and slammed the door shut.

What the? How the? Why was Cyrus Goodman at his doorstep? TJ thought wildly, running a hand through his hair. He jerked his head up in shock.

He had just slammed the door on him!

TJ took a deep breath, keeping his eyes squeezed shut as he opened the door, with what he could only assume was a sheepish expression on his face.

“Hey,” Cyrus said softly, and TJ could’ve practically melted on the spot. “I thought for a second I had the wrong house or something,” he said, giving a small laugh that could’ve made angels sing. “Are you, Theo?”

“Y-Yeah,” TJ whispered, finally looking up, but immediately looking back down at his feet because oh my god Cyrus Goodman was standing at his doorstep. “Actually, TJ.”

“What?”

“Call me TJ. I just use Theo on Twitter so people don’t know who I am,” TJ said sheepishly, finally forcing himself to look at Cyrus.

He looked amazing, obviously. He was wearing a navy blue sweatshirt and dark jeans. But TJ furrowed his eyebrows when he looked down, noticing the three toilet paper rolls and three egg cartons tucked under Cyrus’ arm.

“Um, what’s that?” TJ asked, pointing at the questionable supplies. Cyrus looked confused, but looked down at his arm and understood.

“Oh! Yeah, I didn’t wanna bother you with the supplies, so I got them myself!” he said happily, pulling TJ out of the house by the hand. “Come on, we don’t have much time.”

“T-Time? For, for what?” TJ stammered out, unable to concentrate on anything other than the fact that he was practically holding Cyrus’ hand. Cyrus tilted his head to one side.

“To teach your ex a lesson,” Cyrus said simply, with a smile that teased I thought that was obvious.

A wave of realisation hit TJ, and he dropped his jaw open. “I was, I was joking.”

“Well, I’m not. Come on, it’ll make you not cry,” Cyrus said softly, reaching up to wipe away a tear that was on TJ’s cheek with his thumb. His hand lingered by TJ’s face, and god, if that was what it felt like to have your breath taken away, TJ never wanted to breath ever again.

Before he knew it, TJ was slipping on shoes and grabbing the keys out of the cat bowl he and Amber had stolen from their parents’ house when they moved out, shutting the door behind him as he followed Cyrus out the door.

Now that they were outside, walking on the streets, TJ was confronted by the fact that this was real. There he was, walking down the street with someone whose work he had admired for so long, who he may or may not think was breathtaking to look at, and they were walking with him to John’s house, to egg and TP it. Even dreams couldn’t come up with something this wild. But it was real, the chill in the night air, his visible breath in the air, everything was real.

“Let me hold something,” TJ said, trying to grab some of the things from Cyrus, but he moved away.

“No no, let me,” he said with a smile. “Least I could do.”

“Well, you’re doing more than you had to already. It’s all I could do.”

“Still. I wanna do this.”

TJ smiled, shaking his head slightly. He looked ahead, catching glimpses of Cyrus in his peripheral vision every now and then. He could also feel Cyrus looking at him every so often, and that made TJ’s cheeks flush, but if anyone noticed, he’d blame it on the cold.

Finally, after some minutes of silence and of Cyrus looking at him, TJ caved and turned to Cyrus. “What? Did I leave ice cream on my face?” he asked nervously, reaching up to wipe whatever it was away.

“No no,” Cyrus said, raising his eyebrows in amusement. “It’s just, I can’t imagine someone being stupid enough to let someone like you go.”

That comment was enough to turn TJ into a blushing mess, his heart doing the foxtrot in his chest. “I mean, I’m not that great.”

“That’s insane! We’ve exchanged like, 5 sentences, and I know that if you were with me, I’d never let you go.”

TJ choked, disguising it as a cough. What what what, did he say if TJ were with him. Hold the phone, he was dying. Tell Amber that he died as he lived, gay.

Cyrus just laughed quietly, bumping his shoulder with TJ’s. “Sorry, too much?”

“No no! Not at all,” TJ exclaimed, turning to look at him. “I just, no one’s said that before.”

“I can’t believe that,” Cyrus said, and TJ had to keep his eyes trained to the ground, knowing that hiss face was burning up.

They walked down the street in silence for some more time, before Cyrus looked at TJ.

“If you don’t mind telling me, why do you want to egg your ex’s house?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.

TJ sighed, looking up at the sky, few stars visible in the sky. Fitting. “We’d been dating for 8 months, but I always felt like I was giving more than he ever was. And then I found out two weeks ago, that he was cheating on me,” he said quietly.

“That’s horrible TJ,” Cyrus said quietly. TJ just scoffed.

“Worst part, I knew that’s the kind of guy he was. And yet, I thought I could be the exception.”

“It’s not your fault,” Cyrus said comfortingly, placing a hand on TJ’s shoulder.

TJ just smiled appreciatively. He looked to his left and stopped, taking a deep breath.

“What is it?” Cyrus asked, stopping beside him.

‘We’re here,” he said, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

“Well then,” Cyrus said, with a mischievous smile as he set down the cartons and pulled out two eggs. He handed one to TJ and kept one with himself. “On the count of three then.”

TJ smiled nervously up at Cyrus. “One.”

“Two,” Cyrus said with a smile, coming closer to TJ.

And with twin smiles, they looked at each other. “Three.”

*

“That was insane,” TJ said with a smile, running a hand through his hair, but realising too late that there was egg yolk on his fingers. “Ugh!”

Cyrus was laughing, doubled over. TJ looked over, unamused.

“Haha. Thanks Goodman.”

“Hey,” Cyrus said, holding his hands up. “Did it help or not?”

“Actually,” TJ said, looking away thoughtfully. “It did.”

“See? Vengeance tastes sweet.”

“More like tastes like an impending salmonella infestation.”

Cyrus rolled his eyes, shoving TJ in the shoulder. But then, his expression grew softer. “You sure you’re okay?”

And when TJ thought about it, he was surprised to find himself nodding. Cyrus let out a sigh of relief, looking at his watch.

“Well, 2 am is no time to go home but I’ll try my luck,” he said with a tired smile. “I had fun, TJ.” And with that, Cyrus began walking away, but TJ called out to him.

“Hey!” he said, running up slightly to him. “If you want, you can stay over at my place.”

Cyrus raised his eyebrows slightly, and TJ tried to explain himself nervously. “Well, it’s late. And it’s the least I could do after you came all this way.”

“I literally live across town, TJ,” Cyrus said with a giggle. “But okay, I’ll take you up on that offer. Thanks.”

With that, the two of them began walking back to TJ’s house, an unexpected tension in the air. But it wasn’t unwelcome. TJ and Cyrus constantly snuck glances at each other, both looking away as soon as the other caught them, cheeks pink. And it was pure coincidence if they were walking close enough to let their fingers brush against each other with every step.

They crept into the house quietly, TJ putting a finger to his lips.

“My sister is probably back from her date,” he whispered, and Cyrus nodded, and they made their way to TJ’s room, avoiding as many floorboard creaks as they could. When they got to the room, TJ wanted to throttle himself at the mess.

“I’m, I’m sorry about everything,” TJ muttered, trying to clear space. But Cyrus was deep in thought, looking around the room in awe at the posters and pictures, running his fingers along the spines of the books on TJ’s shelf.

“You like reading?” Cyrus asked softly, turning around as he took off his shoes.

TJ nodded. “Mostly history. You?”

“Space and reptiles,” he replied, sitting down beside TJ on the bed.

“Wow. Just two nerds sitting here together, huh?”

“Seems like it.”

There was a silence after that, both unsure of what to say. The soft orange light of the lamp in TJ’s room was making Cyrus’ face look warm and even more gorgeous than normal. TJ let his gaze flick down to Cyrus’ lips, but he pulled his eyes away, reminding himself that he did not need a relationship just then. Cyrus took a deep breath, hiding what looked like disappointment behind a soft smile.

“So, uh, I’ll take the floor?” TJ said, picking up his pillow. But Cyrus shook his head.

“No, I’ll take the floor, you sleep in your bed.”

“It’s fine, Cyrus.”

“No it’s not,” Cyrus said, grabbing TJ’s hand. “Okay, let’s just share the bed.”

TJ glanced at his bed, worried about size. But the atmosphere in the room was making his sleepy, so he just nodded his head, making the bed for the two of them.

Before they got into bed, TJ grabbed Cyrus’ elbow and pulled him to himself, wrapping him in a hug. Cyrus was surprised, but soon slipped his arms around TJ’s waist.

“Thank you for this,” TJ whispered into Cyrus’ ear, before pulling away and climbing into bed, Cyrus following him as his back faced TJ’s.

And when Amber walked into the room the next morning to find her brother sleepily cuddling the famous person who had messaged her brother, she almost screamed in shock, horror and joy. But then, she just smiled, and went to make breakfast.

*

TJ should have known. Some things were just too good to last. Even things like Cyrus Goodman.

Why had he been stupid enough to let himself fall again? Why couldn’t he learn his lesson?

He’d convinced himself Cyrus was different that Cyrus had seen who he was, and he loved him. He had convinced himself that they were meant to meet for a reason, because he was the one.

Well, another thing TJ Kippen was wrong about.

“Teej, please open the door,” Amber pleaded. “I’m worried about you.”

TJ sighed, pausing his loud rock music to open to door to Amber. Amber gasped when she saw his bedraggled appearance, immediately pulling him in for a hug. Even though he had spent the last 4 hours crying, that hug alone made TJ collapse into sobs, sinking to the floor as he pulled Amber down with him.

“I really thought, Amber,” TJ gasped, but Amber shushed his, placing her hand on the back of his head.

“You’ll be okay, I got you,” she whispered back to him, as she held onto TJ. After they pulled away, when TJ’s tears were just a silent stream, she narrowed her eyes. “What did he say?”

TJ just shook his head. “He just said, ‘This isn’t gonna work out. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me. I can’t explain.’ Bullshit.”

“That’s a lame excuse,” Amber huffed, pushing a strand of TJ’s hair back.

“I don’t know what to do Amber,” TJ said in a broken voice. “I thought we could make it. But, I shouldn’t trust anyone.”

“I’m so sorry Teej,” Amber said, leaning her head against TJ’s. “Do you want me to make you anything? I can get ice cream from Costco.”

“No,” TJ said, shaking his head and pushing himself off the floor. “I, I need to do something. But I need your help.”

“Okay?” Amber asked, confused.

“Could you get a carton of eggs for me?”

*

“Why are we doing this?” Amber said, hoding the carton of eggs as she and TJ sat in the cab to Cyrus’ apartment. “What, are we gonna egg his front door? Cuz I’m gonna do more than that.”

TJ shook his head, a small smile on his face as he got out of the cab. He took a deep breath and walked into the building, walking up the stairs to Cyrus’ apartment. The lights seemed to be out from downstairs, so he was probably out or asleep.

“Give me the eggs,” TJ said, and Amber handed him the carton, which he set down at the doorstep.

“Wait, what? We aren’t throwing them?” Amber whined, but TJ just looked up at her.

“Can you, give me a minute?” he asked quietly, and Amber nodded, walking down the stairs.

After she was gone, TJ pulled out a carefully penned note from his coat and placed it on the carton, knocking loudly on the door before walking away, squeezing his eyes shut as he left the building.

I couldn’t even find the energy to throw these at you. Because you were the last person I expected I’d need to do that to.

*

TJ called into work sick the next day, a fact Marty didn’t question much. He didn’t need to ask TJ to see that he was going through utter shit at the time. So, some time alone was what he needed. Even though Amber wasn’t completely ready to leave him alone, but TJ pushed her to accept the date her girlfriend had asked her on.

“I’ll be okay, Amber,” he had said, kissing her on the forehead. “Now go get your girl.”

The mood was perfect too, the rain beginning to pour in torrents. TJ curled up in his blanket, watching Love Island on television. At least some people’s love lives were worse than his. TJ was heavily immersed in the drama between the house members, when suddenly, he heard someone knocking on the door.

In this downpour? TJ thought to himself as he walked to the door and opened it. But when he saw who it was, he froze.

“Cyrus, are you crazy?! What are you doing here?” TJ asked in shock, taking in his appearance.

“I, I had to see you,” Cyrus said between pants, taking in deep breaths.

“Did you run here?”

Nodding, Cyrus took a step forward, but stayed outside. “TJ. I’m so, so sorry. I thought I had to protect you, but I, I made a mistake.”

“Don’t,” TJ cut him off, his voice breaking. “Don’t’ do that, Cyrus. I’m trying to move on.”

“Please, TJ,” Cyrus pleaded, grabbing onto TJ’s elbow. “Please just hear me out.”

TJ just sighed, and looked up at Cyrus, nodding.

“I love you, TJ. So, so much. And being with you has been the best thing to happen to me. And when we decided to go public, I was so happy that I could share my happiness with everyone,” Cyrus said with a sad smile. “But, I started seeing messages and posts with people hating on you, and insulting you, and I know you said it didn’t bother you, but I know it did. I could see it in your eyes. I thought if we weren’t together, it would stop, and you’d be okay.”

“Cyrus,” TJ said softly, squeezing his hand. “You don’t need to worry about that. Sure, it’ll take some getting used to, but in the end, I just wanted to be with you.”

“I just wanna be with you too,” Cyrus said softly, reaching up to brush TJ’s cheek with his thumb.

TJ smiled softly, before leaning in to capture Cyrus’ lips in his, tasting the rain without any care. Cyrus wrapped his arms around TJ’s waist as TJ cupped his cheeks. After they pulled away, TJ leaned his forehead against Cyrus’.

“I love you, TJ.”

“I love you too, Cyrus. And I hope you never give me a reason to egg your house.”

 ~~~~~~~~

This is fluff cuz i got peer pressure by @heart-eyes-kippen and @criminalambis​

[leviathiane]

SHOW US YOUR WROR RAW UNPROCESSED WHOLE GRAIN ORGANIC NOTES

this is going to be a long-ass post i am so sorry to Everyone! i take a lot of notes.

So, as You specifically know (as well as all of my lovely Soggers) I take a LOT of notes. Obsessively. I write fucking everything bc i have very little memory and very much paranoia. This results in literal Piles of notes. Raw planning, on paper, on my phone– doodles of scenes im brainstorming, bulletpoints, entire SCRIPTS– it’s all there but scattered (I’ve got scenes planned in the margins of my goddamn anthropology notes and deciphering it was a NIGHTMARE) 

I won’t even upload all the photos of my writing notebook, because itd be like 50 pages of illegible nonesense. but heres a couple of planning phase pages. (may be hard to read, I dropped this notebook both into some tidepools, into a creek on campus, and accidentally leaked my waterbottle onto it in my backpack :/) 

if you can’t tell already, yes they all look exactly like this. Some are even more illegible, because I wrote them with the notebook half under my actual class notes. Because i wrote most of them in class. During lectures. And pretending very badly that i was not doing exactly that. (pay attention in class please i got away with this bc i was filling up elective units) 

I’m also flat out MISSING a large portion of my notes bc some of it? isnt even in the damn notebook. its on a sheet of binder paper, or on the empty back of an assignment. I’ve now lost most of those notes, but the ones i do still have are just as (even more, actually) indecipherable chicken scratch: 

Wow, how clean and tidy and easy to follow! i am in hell. 

and this doesnt mention the PAGES and PAGES of outlines that are on my laptop, and the pages of outlined scenes that are on the notes app of my phone. if i put them all, you would have entire chapter spoilers up to the very end of the story so i cant post a lot of them– and also theres just a goddamn lot of them. currently i have 16 pages of outlining. There are no spacing breaks. It is a solid 16 page block of text. Looking at it gives me a migraine. 

some assorted notes which i have dredged up from the deleted parts of the main draft google doc go all the way back to when i started Wror in June and they are Barely more readable than my handwriting on sheer account of: articulation is not my strength. These include: 

“Ch 8 plan: sabo gets trained specially, awakens his armament haki, beats ace in a bunch of spars and proves himself to be anything but vulnerable. The boys are like “we fucking recognize that technique ryu taught you before us!!” and goad ryu into finally starting them both on basic haki training, just to awaken it, since sabo already has. Also this is the chapter that ace finally confronts ryu for his devil fruit after ryu confirms that some devil fruit users can’t be hurt without haki and ace immediately catches onto that and tries to slam his pipe through ryus head. It doesn’t work, ryu catches the weapon with a haki covered hand, to avoid turning to flame with hit and ace just gets frustrated and accuses ryu of hiding his devil fruit, because he remembers what he saw in grey terminal and that now that he has seen haki he can distinguish it from what he saw and he’s sure no one could do what ryu did. He calls ryu a hypocrite for coddling them even after telling them to stop coddling sabo and ryu has to sit them down and explain that yes he does have powers and he has been hdiing it and explains his reasoning. However instead of understanding th eboys just get fired up and say they don’t wnt to be scared of fire, especially not when it means ryu isn’t taking them seriously in a spar. Ryu finally agrees to start them on desensitization training for fire trauma. Fire desensitization training happens on the beach, so that they have water nearby in case things get out of hand. At some point ace gives ryu a considering look and is just like “if you have a devil fruit that means you can’t swim either right?” and ryu is basically just like “lmao yeah” and then ace immediately attempts to drown him. Lots of murder attempts in ace’s department toget his older brother to be less of an idiot with little success lol(extra: ace tried to attack ryu earlier both to confirm that ryu has a devil fruit that would force him to use haki to hide it, and because he now knows that he CAN’T hurt ryu without haki and as thus can’t beat him and make him admit he’s awake without being good at haki.)” [chapter 8] 

“Small sabo lost his hat and goggles in the incident and while he doesn’t remember having them future sabo notices he looks uncomfortable and keeps touching his hair and head. Ace yells at him for it thinking he bandaging are bothering him and that he can’t touch them but little sabo just comments that something about it feels wrong. Luffy blurts our that he had a hat, like luffy does, But he doesn’t now ace begrudgingly mentions that they can’t get a new one in town. Future sabo doesn’t even hesitate and just plops his own hat onto his younger selves head. It clearly too big for him, and almost falls over his eyes but he grins up at future sabo and is like “wow!! Thank you! I’ll take care of it till I have one of my own” and creates a paradox like Luffys own hat. The footsteps younger sabo has yet to fill. This HAS to happen AFTER the talk where they explain that future and past sabo are both the same person, to give little sabo that pressure.” [chapter 9]

“(Right after this older sabo takes them down to the ocean so that they can play a little and desensitize themselves and immediately fucks himself over when he goes weak in the water bc he somehow fucking forgot his own devil fruit again and now even younger sabo is on his case about not letting him near the fucking ocean that little goddamn HYPOCRITE—) )” [for chapter 9]

“Ch 9 plan: they finally leave dawn island. Starts with the boys getting a haircut after training and luffy mentions how long it’s been since they’ve last needed a haircut, giving sabo and ace time to point out that it’s been 2 months now since ryu joined them, and that sabo was completely healed by now. The boys are now aware of the basics of haki, and while luffy hasnt awakened either yet ace and sabo both have a little bit of weak armament haki. (sabo won’t awaken observational haki until he gets his memories back) ryu tries to sneak off into the city to steal a boat but his brothers refuse to leave him behind and keep sneaking out after him, not wanting him to go alone and saying that since he’s been training them they’re clearly stronger and he needs to let them do this. Ryu eventually just lets it go because why the fuck not it’s a dream and they make him feel better. They get the boat out on open ocean and finally fucking sail out, cheering loudly, ryu struggling to make them all calm down but also not really trying. He’s happy as shit, and they’re all so excited and happy and sabo dips a hand into the waves and then smiles so fucking wide and tackles ryu so violently they both nearly tip into the water and it’s just very very good. “ [also for ch 9] 

** I flat out dont Have any outlining from before chapter 6, because i only started actually outling chapters after that. i tend to just sit down and Write up until i hit a plot point or writers block and then am forced to actually think it through and plan rather than letting it come naturally. thats also why the quality and editing is better in later chapters despite everything being written within the same time frame. 

besides entire chapter outlines, there are the scene specific phone notes like:

“(ADDED) Right after they leave dawn, when sabo is sure they’ve gotten enough of a head start, he calls Garp. He doesn’t say who he is, but that all of the boys are safe and happy with him and has them all talk into the phone to assure him that they’re fine. Garp is honestly just pissed off he doesn’t know who’s calling and when he asks sabo just laughs and says a disobedient brat before hanging up. “

“(ADDED) TO EXPAND ON CH 3: sabo gets offered the chance to go with dragon, and he hesitates on the offer to go through with his previous life with the family he’s made in the revolutionary again. He almost agrees, because the bought of losing them in this lifetime is near excruciating but reminds himself swiftly that it’s no place for his brothers and not what they’d really want, and he wants selfishly to be with them as long as he Can until he “inevitably” wakes up. The boys are visibly relieved by this, especially ace. (Sabo gets asked who he is by dragon, who wants to know more about the stranger with his son, but dragon has always been quicker to make connections no one guessed and he just smiled knowingly at sabo and tells him he’s sure the other will have no trouble finding them if he’s in need. Sabo in turn warns him to keep Kuma close, and to look for a slave girl named koala.)”

I have…. many of these. I have Many of Everything. 

finally, i have scene doodles. if i hit a bad writers block it usually helps me to sketch scenes or the character designs to regain my grip on what the hell is happening in the plot– Breach of Intention has character design sketches, pakcbond has MANY scene sketches, even some of my nsfw has some sketches. my wror skecthes arent Good of course, I am an art teacher for children and that means i am more often explaining the color wheel and brush techniques over drawing perfect human replicas– and i just dont really make a lot of fanart? ive never drawn sabo before but i sure have a bunch now. i wont include close ups because they genuinely suck but heres an example pic 

So… yeah thats about everything. this is a VERY long post and yet i only included like maybe ¼ or 1/5 of all the notes i have dbskhjgfkjadns lmk if anyone wants more (or notes for my Other stories, which contain NO WHERE the same absurd amount of shit that wror does.)

[yournewapartment]

Hullo! So, this isn't specifically life advice. But I was wondering how did you guys start your podcast? I've been wanting to do one since last year, but was never able to have the proper equipment, people to do it with, etc...Any advice?

How to Start A Podcast

Choose a podcast hosting service. I use Buzzsprout because it was the first one that came up when I searched for podcast hosting services. A podcast hosting service is very similar to Icloud storage. You’re given a small amount of air time for free, and then you pay a monthly fee for any additional hours you want. It’s very reasonable. Right now I’m paying for 6 hours a month, and thankfully that fee is covered by my lovely patrons!

I believe Buzzsprout gives you two hours for free. If you’re testing the waters and not sure that you want to make this sort of commitment, register and release an episode or two, see if it works for you. If you’re more serious, you will need to start on one of the paid plans. 

Create podcast artwork. You cannot even upload a podcast episode to any podcast streaming services without cover artwork, a description, and an actual episode recorded. Uploading is pretty self-explanatory, all of the podcast hosting services have step by step instructions. Make sure to follow the specific artwork dimensions specified by your hosting service!

Create theme music. I have not done this. I don’t think I’ll ever do this? But you may want to! It’s super important that the music is either something you’ve created or something that the creator has given you specific permission to use. Hosting services do care about copyright material. 

Record an episode. I wasn’t sure if I was really going to do this, so I didn’t buy anything for the first month I was recording episodes! I just recorded using Garageband. Eventually I did invest in a Blue Yeti Mic, with the knowledge that after two months, my Patrons will have paid for it in full. One month left and it will be paid off! This is the home podcast standard mic! 

Definitely listen to some of my earlier episodes in comparison with the ones I’ve released recently, you can really hear the audio quality difference! But again, I’m not sure how worthwhile it is to spend lots of money unless you’re 100% sure this is something you want to do. 

Also- consider recording in your closet or in a small other room that is not echo-y. It’s not glamorous, but it does make a noticeable difference in your audio quality.

Approval by your hosting service. Before you can release your first episode out into the world, it has to go through a long approval process. The first step of this process is submitting you finished episode for approval by your podcast hosting service. Mine approved my podcast a few hours after I sent it in. Someone actually has to listen to your entire first episode to make sure it doesn’t have super explicit content (they give examples of what this is). If your podcast has explicit content, that’s fine, you just have to specify that. But some particularly gruesome content is not allowed, hopefully nothing you would ever want to record!

Please note: Your podcast hosting service approving your episode does not mean that your episode is now available on all streaming platforms, each streaming platform has a different approval process. Being approved by your podcast streaming service just means that you’re approved by them. Which is a start!

Buzzsprout gives each podcast an individual webpage with a media player. Listeners can visit your podcast website directly and listen to any episode you upload there, and they can also subscribe through Buzzsprout. I actually get more plays through Buzzsprout itself than Itunes or Spotify, so I always send a link to my latest episode on my blog. Here is my site. 

Approval by streaming services. Once you’re approved by your podcast hosting service, you can then apply to be approved by podcast streaming services. Buzzsprout has submission forms linked on your podcast admin page as well as step by step instructions on how to submit your podcast to various different streaming services. I applied to Apple, Spotify and Google. Google approved me within a couple hours, Apple approved me a week and a half later, and Spotify approved me but never sent me an email stating I’d been approved. It does not cost any money to be approved or to have your content appear on any of these streaming platforms.

If you have a listener who uses a smaller less popular podcasting app (like pocketcast) they can add your podcast stream directly on it. The stream is displayed on your podcast website.

Get familiar with your admin panel. I upload episodes weeks ahead of time and schedule them for release at later dates. I don’t personally use Spotify or Google Podcasts, but I know Apple releases your episode within four hours of you formally publishing it through your podcast host. Once your podcast is approved by a streaming service, it’s worthwhile to look at how the podcast displays on that streaming service. I had my podcast description in the wrong place when Apple did finally publish my first episode, and had to quickly go on and edit the podcast. Edits also take time to display on streaming services. 

Zencastr? Zencastr is a free service (it does have premium options which I don’t bother with) that is super helpful when recording with people who live far away or who don’t have professional equipment. I log on, create a track, and share the link with a guest. The guest then logs on. They don’t have to download anything! Zencastr records everybody’s audio on a separate track, stores it in the cloud, and then you can download, edit, and mix it as you like. It also saves episodes you record so that if you’re stupid and delete something you’re not supposed to, you can just go back in and download the wav/mp3 file. Again, it’s free, so there is a storage space limit. But it’s been a serious lifesaver for me!

Editing software? Not something I’ve invested in at this point. Maybe in the future. I use Garageband and it works well enough for me.

I have so much fun recording Your New Apartment the podcast with all of my wonderful guests! Please listen to it. I pour my heart out on it! It’s available on all of your favorite streaming services.

Please write me a review on Itunes. Please consider supporting me on Patreon! Or buy some Your New Apartment merch from my Society6. My Patrons are incredible and have literally paid for my podcast to be hosted as well as paid for my microphone. I can’t thank them enough for all of their love and support.