#also i love Devi's mom she's so funny

[hamliet]

Never Have I Ever... Been So Grateful For a Show

Well, NHIE finished strong after the fourth season got off to a rocky start. The first three episodes were... messy, honestly, but then the story picked up steam. By the time we got to the final two episodes I was bawling pretty much the full way through.

NHIE also continued to flex its mature understanding of nuance, its appreciation for cultural differences, and its determination to keep its characters flawed and realistic. And including a game of Never Have I Ever in the finale? Fab.

All in all, it's a great ending to a great show. I loved it.

Ben and Devi

I've seen people complaining that the end relationship was predictable, or that Devi should be single, and kindly: no. <3

It fit Devi's character to end up in romantic love with someone, because the entire show has been about love for her. Love for her family, love for those who have died, love for her friends, love for her mentors, and yes, romantic love in all the aspects that entails (physical, intellectual, emotional).

The other thing that I think is beautiful about their relationship is that they both push each other in all these ways--physical (obviously), emotionally (Ben's final realization in New York was chef's kiss), and intellectual. They both get to go to their dream schools in part because of each other. Not only have they been pushing each other to excel since before the show started, but Devi helps Ben finish his schoolwork, and Ben encourages Devi to write that final letter to get into Princeton.

Ben's early acceptance to Columbia, which seemed a given given, well, his father and nepotism (I appreciated the show behind upfront about this), ultimately still almost gets sabotaged by his own repressing of other aspects of his life (which parallels Paxton, Blair Quan, and more, and isn't exactly new--see Ben's physical issues last season). This contrasts him with Devi, whose self-sabotage is always doing too much too suddenly. She's been trying so hard all along, but sometimes you need a final cheer to push you over the finish line.

Ben and Devi, Ethan and Margot

Ethan is dark!Ben. Margot is dark!Devi. On paper it's great.

Except... Margot was really, really annoying. I'm sorry, I found nothing remotely redeeming about her. Ethan at least served a purpose. The reason I think the first three episodes are so rough is that they focus on Margot but seem to not know what to do with her. But more about that later on.

Ben's speech about why he chooses to be with Margot in the first episode is well done and shows how much growth he still has to do. Because an essential part of love--of a mature kind of love and relationship--is that you are challenged to become a better version of yourself. Ben and Trent, in episode 2, shy away from this. Trent breaks up with Eleanor because he's afraid she'll break up with him, and he wants to do it first. Ben stays with Margot because she offers him superficial challenges, but nothing substantial in terms of his flaws.

That said, Devi making peace with Margot (numerous times) was narratively necessary because, of course, Margot's kind of a literary shadow (just not really well done). It also showed how much Devi's grown.

Trent + Eleanor

Trent's character is also really well done. That's how you deepen a comedic character. (Ethan was also dark!Trent in some ways; hence, Eleanor's crush on him.) Yeah, Trent's a stoner and not so bright. But, he loves Eleanor. He adores her, and he wholeheartedly believes in her. It's heartwarming to see.

I wasn't surprised they broke up early on, but was relieved they got back together. I think it was a funny inversion of what you'd expect, because El moving on to bigger and better things seemed like a natural progression. Yet, as the scene with El's mom showed... that's not what bigger and better is for Eleanor.

Yes, Eleanor still wants to grow. Yes, she still wants to be an actress and a director, and she's good at it.

But she doesn't want to leave her family and loved ones behind.

Eleanor knows what it's like to be left behind. And obviously it's not the same to leave a teenage boyfriend as to leave your own child like her mom. But, Eleanor ending up back with Trent was, frankly, narratively perfect for both their characters. Because Trent was helping her in her growth, and always had been from Season 3.

I also think they handled Eleanor's dreams and her complicated mother relationship well. The dream itself, even if it is far-fetched, even if it is unlikely to happen, is not bad. Pursuing it also is, in fact, positive (they paralleled this with Devi's dreams of Princeton). But, one of the best parts of dreams? Is the people you meet along the way, the people who cheer you on. It's a metaphor for life.

Paxton (and Lindsay)

Paxton's arc I think is one of the best in the series. I loved his journey from boy who was considered "hot guy" who sucked at school to the point where it was comic becoming a teacher. The episode where he helped Eric join the swim team was actually really powerful.

And, I didn't even roll my eyes when Devi told him he was an even better friend than boyfriend. On paper it's a cliche line, but it totally works within the characters' arcs (and of course the actors' portrayals!). Lindsay also seemed like much more than just a consolation prize to the guy who ends up outside the triangle--their relationship paralleled his with Devi, and quickly got me invested.

His final advice to Devi: "don't reinvent anything" also fits really well, because when Paxton at first refused to be Devi's boyfriend it was because Devi's image wasn't acceptable after the two-timing thing. Then, Devi's anxiety during their public relationship, the anxiety that actually ruined their romance, was because she didn't think she fit with Paxton or "made any sense" with him. But, she does fit with him. As a friend, and as herself.

Blair Quan + College

Blair Quan was also dark!Paxton--someone who lost themselves because they were always the Best in high school. The best student, the most popular. And then at college, everyone was the Best. And suddenly you're nothing.

The situation with Blair Quan was really realistic for how college can be for people, and in how the show (admittedly briefly) addressed the fundamental unfairness of college admissions. I work in higher ed, and... it's not fair. Nothing about it is fair. Professor Warner telling Devi outright that she "should have" gotten into all the Ivies actually meant a lot to me, because it's true.

For any readers of this who are applying to schools, there's a degree to which your merit matters, and there's a degree to which it's up to sheer luck. If they reject you, it's almost certainly not because you're not on par with other applicants. Hard work does not get you into prestigious schools. That's a lie. It gets you to a point, but it also gets a lot of other people to that same point, and then there is nothing at all you can do. It's up to luck.

Fab (and Addison. Kind of).

Fab's arc was interesting, but I feel like it peaked in season 2. I did like her conflict this season though, particularly with messing up about lying to Devi. The scene where she and Devi reconcile was beautiful, and the show handled it really well--giving empathy for Fab as for why she kept it a secret, while also pointing out that the lying was the fact greater problem than the initial applying.

The negative is that... I like Addison, but I wanted more. It kind of sucks that the queer character is the one whose romance doesn't come with two complex characters getting development. And sure, Fab isn't as important as Devi, Ben, or Paxton, but the fact that they wrote a compelling romance between Trent and Eleanor and gave Trent some damn deep character development despite him being a comedic character shows they were more than capable of writing a complex character romance for Fab. Addison is really just... kinda there, and we get no development for them at all.  Which sucks because I would like to have learned more about them! They had potential, especially as a parallel to Trent!

Nalini and Andres

Nalini and Andres were a little more out of left field... that said, Nalini clearly has a type! She likes guys whom she argues with first. I still preferred the hot doctor from Season 2, but that had less to do with Andres and more to do with the fact that I found Margot so irredeemably annoying. Still, I appreciated Andres' growth in realizing that he'd been spoiling Margot by catering to her every whim. This was itself a nice contrast to Nalini, who hurts Devi by being too hard on her.

That was especially a flaw in the early seasons, but Season 4 really showed how much Nalini has grown. She does mess up with her response to the college debacle, so her flaws are still there, but she's so much better than in Season 1. For example, Devi lashing out at her mom after she got deferred was irrational; Nalini really didn't deserve any of that, and yet Nalini still met Devi where she was at: with a chip salad, addressing her fears. It was heartwarming.

Even when Nalini then does mess up with the "stupid" comment, we know she didn't mean it in the same way Devi fears she did (that that's all she can be, rather than that yes, Devi did a dumb thing). When she comes to help Devi pack, it's genuinely heartwarming. I honestly think Nalini and Devi's relationship is one of the best in the show, if not the beating heart at the center of it.

Pati and Len

Now, Pati. Pati and Lens' relationship parallels Kamala's romantic drama--not just with Manish in Season 3, but also with Steve in Season 1. Pati is also very clearly where Devi gets her drama from, and I stan.

I also liked the parallels between Len and Pati and Ben and Devi. They are both Indian-Jewish couples, and Pati and Len's wedding of course marks a grand romance for them... and a grand romantic gesture for Ben, who arrives to tell Devi he loves her.

Kamala (and Manish)

Kamala's arc this season was good as well; I just wish we had seen more Manish than just in the finale. Still, at least Manish did have an arc in the previous season. Though, it was a nice twist to have Kamala's arc be not about romance, but about her career.

Where Art Thou?

I also missed some other side characters, like Rebecca Hall-Yoshida and Jonah.

Margot & Aneesa

The overall show was filled with callbacks to past seasons that were really well utilized, in that they showed the character's growth. Unfortunately, in one instance, this came back for the worse when they repeated one of their biggest writing mistakes from Season 2.

Devi is, simply put, absolutely not morally responsible for reporting Margot to have lied about her alibi for vandalism. Yeah, Margot ultimately didn't do it--but Devi didn't do anything wrong by reporting that. In fact, the principal should have actually done her job and checked the alibi with the teacher; it's like 101 common sense.

Clearly this is a callback to Aneesa (the episode even has Devi reclaiming the nickname "crazy Devi," which started there). However, the shame is that the writers didn't learn from how they bungled the Aneesa plotline, and they did. Here again they hold Devi responsible for something she frankly is not morally in the wrong for. The show also mentions the Aneesa incident and calls Devi "a liar and a bully" for it, but she objectively didn't lie? And frankly Aneesa bullied Devi more than Devi bullied her and was never called out for it.

While I think it's a flaw, it COULD theoretically work from a psychoanalytic theory in that really all that Devi can control is herself. She can't force others to do what she wants, even if it's unfair. And that's part of maturing is realizing that (and it's not the same thing as selfish focus). You can't control the world, even when it's unfair and even when other people are frankly wrong.

I did like more or less how Margot was resolved in the end; namely, that she was not there among Devi's friends at the end. I also liked that Aneesa did defend Devi in the final episode from someone mocking her about the Clean Sweep. It just would've matter more if Aneesa's actions had ever been addressed.

The Principal + Professor Warner

Also, while in general the show is great in its portrayal of teachers and satire of other teachers, the principal sucks and she's not actually funny. She acts like another teenager, but unlike some of the other teachers/adults who are framed well, she's framed as being more or less fine instead of with the critical lens of the others. And she isn't.

Professor Warner stands in stark contrast, because she is wise even though flawed. The principal is just... awful. I'd never liked her, but this season made me hate her.

The Therapist + Grief

Now that I've gotten my salt out of the way, let's end with a positive and a theme.

The therapist's final session with Devi in the penultimate episode--I bawled.

“When I first met you, you were a closed-off, angry little thing... But look at you. Look how far you’ve come. You faced your trauma, and you came out on the other side.” 

They used this to emphasize the show's main theme: grief. Despite how this quote makes it sound, the show doesn't actually frame grief as something to move on from. Instead, it's something that accompanies you.

Grief is like chasing a dream. Grief is part of life. It is love itself, but a painful part of it, and grief never, ever stops. You never "get over" someone's loss. You never stop loving them.

But, you learn to see them around you, and in you. In the dreams you planted together, like Devi's dad telling her about Princeton. In the loved ones you shared, like how Devi yells at her imagination of her father that he's not here, but then Nalini arrives to help her pack.

Just because someone's gone doesn't mean they stop influencing you, or stop being a part of your life.

There will always be moments of pain, like Devi in the final episode with the imagination of her dad. But, there will also be moments of feeling them again.

[burningfudge]

think you can give us a sneak-peak of what ms marvel fanfic is looking like? no problem if you don't

These are little snippets of what I've written so far. It's very rough, and I don't know if it'll make the final draft.

Kamala found it incredibly draining resenting her mom for being a difficult person to deal with but also empathizing with the fact that she is the way she is because of all the unfair trauma she's experienced, so she couldn't even blame her, and then she would go through cycles for being angry and invalidating herself, and constantly trying to be understanding but never being understood.

She loved her mother more than anything, but it was just difficult sometimes.

Kamala and Muneeba's relationship was probably my favorite one in the show just because it was so realistic. I used to argue with my mother a lot when I was Kamala's age, but now I'm 23, and I understand her much better and I've realized that my mom was right about many things. Not that I would ever tell her that, lol. It was very funny seeing people's reactions towards Muneeba when the show was releasing because it was very clear to see who was South Asian, or even from African/Asian backgrounds, and who was not.

The show even says something along the lines of "mothers and daughters, the eternal struggle" and I think that's very true from a South Asian perspective. Never Have I Ever also focused on Devi and her mother's, Nalini, struggles, and I related to that a lot.

--

Kamala didn't think she would ever truly understand the pain that her great-grandfather went through from leaving everything he'd ever known—his entire livelihood—for a better life and knowing that he would never be able to return. And then, to a lesser extent, her parents did the same thing. Her great-grandfather and grandmother left India for Pakistan, and her parents left Pakistan for America. Twice Migrated, Once Displaced. It was the bravest thing she knew.

While I’m writing, I’ve realized the Ms Marvel fic is becoming more personal than I realized because much of my family's history mirrors Kamala's but from the Indian/Hindu side. What drew me to Kamala in the first place was because she was a second-gen South Asian immigrant, and while that's not exactly me, it's close enough.

While Ms Marvel is a goofy and fun character, I think I'm going to focus more on culture, community, identity, mother/daughter relationships, immigration, intergenerational trauma, displacement, and the Partition of India in the fic.

[theroyalmisfitmess]

NHIE Farewell Season Reactions

Reactions were all typed real time as I was watching the show.

Ep. 1

- ohhhh they’re awkward

- Ben thinking Devi’s disappointed it’s him

- THEY’RE SO BAD AT COMMUNICATING

- I ONLY LOVE MY FAMILY AND MICHELLE OBAMAHDHDKSHDKS

- Ben looks constipated while working out

- “BUT YOU’RE STILL NOT DEVI” MCENROE PLSSDFJSKDJ

- loving nalini and devi’s relationship 🥺

- YASSS PAXTONNNN

- the go-gurt mention reminded me of laura marano and ross lynch (iykyk)

- noooo paxton not fitting in :((((((((((

- can’t take michael cimino seriously rn because of himyf

- PAINFUL PINING. PAINFUL PINING. PAINFUL PINING. OH NO DEVI’S FUTURE IS RUINED 😭

- where is aneesa tho?? :((

- dr. ryan scenes are the absolute best. i love seeing devi’s growth

- damn i’m loving these character growth moments. paxton not fitting in hits so hard and eleanor not being completely blinded by love is kinda refreshing

- NOOO NOT HER CAR

Ep. 2

- HSHAJDKDHD pati and nalini going all indian mom is always entertaining

- “This is about Ben? BEN GROSS?” NALINISHFKAKDHS

- FINALLY ANEESA IS BACK. girlie i miss you. i hate how they forgot about you.

- KAMALAAAAA (also nawt the teen hamilton auditions 😭)

- “Why tell me he’s white? I can see him!” 😭

- eleanor… pls be single for now it might do you good…

- UGH BENVI IS SO PINING FOR EACH OTHER YOU IDIOTS

- if i had a dollar every time victoria moroles played a main couple obstacle, id’d have two dollars—which isn’t a lot, but it’s funny (and sad) that it happened twice

- no but honestly, i appreciate how ben is setting boundaries. that’s correct. that’s right.

- YES DEVI STAND USE TO YOURSELF. i miss paxton’s crew lmao

- LMAO PAXTONHDJSKDHSKDHD teacher era let’s good

- ugh no michael cimino in his softness feely again but also pls devi don’t fix your shit with benjamin first

Okay. We’re back from the shackles of uni…

Ep. 3

- devi no… gosh please… fix your thing with ben first

- the line between paxton and devi is so clear now. i love paxton trying out new things.

- ugh i’m not liking thissss 😭

- awww paxton :(( i hope he finds what he wants to do again. i am not liking this super into parties thing

- THE BENVI SILENT TREATMENT IS SO PAINFULLL THE BANTERING PLS BRING IT BACKKK

- oh myyyy i kinda get nalini’s concern about the stairs and renovations tbh… when a home is LIVED IN it’s kinda hard to detach. not to mention,, it must remind her of mohan :((

- NAWWW ELEANOR SAWWW 😭

- NOT DEVI REFERENCING HERSELFHDKSJDKSJ

- OOO PAXTON AND THE SUB TEACHERRR

- devi pls stop this.

- OMG NOOO NOT BEN ACTUALLY HAVING THE IDEA 😭 but then again, i see the effort of trying to protect his feelings

- awww eleanor still loves trent (don’t rlly care for them but i loved that looking at the same moon thing)

- words cannot describe how much i love paxton. justice for paxton hall-yoshida.

- UGH why does michael cimino have to be a cutie??? i prefer him as a soft boi tho

Ep. 4

- NOOOOOO UGHHHH MY BENVI HEART IS CRYING

- oooo okay college fair devi you better not mess this up

- ms warner is NOT confident with devi HSHDJDH

- NOOO NOT FABIOLA’S MOM INTERVENING WITH HER FUTUREEEE

- succ-sexy is such a term lmao also wow the turn around from devi’s friends being so bad with advice to rightfully concerning is something i didn’t expect

- paxton and this sub teacher have CHEMISTRY + i feel so bad for him

- DESI SISTERHAHDJDHDJD

- BENHDJSKDHDKD YEAH SAME MCENROE I’M NERVOUS TOO

- okay ethan that was good on you but i still don’t trust him completely

- margot is such a sweetheart i just can’t hate her !!

- BEN’S SPEECHHFJSHDJAKDJ

- OH MY GOSHJFKSJDJD i’m getting feelings ben and devi being supportive friends has my heart UGH

- ETHAN. I HATE YOUUUU

- FINALLY. SHE DUMPED HIM AND DID THE RIGHT THING.

- “My best baby boy” TRENT YOU ARE PRECIOUSHAHDKDHD

- NOOOO IS LEN CHEATING ON PATI 🥺

- so i saw the script and devi doesn’t get in right? + FABIOLA’S GONNA GET IN INSTEAD OF DEVI IS SHE?? 😭

Ep. 5

- THE NEW YORK TRIPPPP

- yes mr shapiro. taylor swift is a great american writer.

- honestly true. fabiola should stop not prioritizing herself

- eleanor having an ego break is kinda hard and disheartening to watch

- oh so this is an ep where they find out that college isn’t what they thought it would be isn’t it :000

- awwww nalini is lonely :(((

- honestly why won’t ben just buy tickets for everyone he’s hella rich LMAOO

- THE PARTY SCENEGDJSHDKD OKAY I’M NOT READY

- nooo burnout :(( blair is so real so right

- AWWW PAXTON FOR WISDOM SCENE WE LOVE TO SEE (love daxton as friends)

- AWWWW BENNNN 🥺🥺🥺

- “Devi you know who you are” ONCE AGAIN. I AM TEAM BEN BECAUSE BEN IS TEAM DEVI.

- AWWWW AND DEVI BEING TEAM BEN MY HEART

- HE CALLED HER DAVID 🥺😭

- AWWW THEY MADE UPPP

- ok but the realization that canonically aaron tveit is still in moulin rouge at this point of the story is nice

- awwww nalini kinda finding love again

- devi and ben doing good again has my heart

Ep. 6

- EARLY DECISIONS DAY

- knew it. it was fabiola.

- FINALLY ANEESA IS BACK. also slay she got recruited !!

- CONGRATS BENNNN

- so len is cheating on pati???

- paxton is such an older brother now i can’t believe he and devi they dated HDKSJFKDJ

- THE PRINCETON SNAKEHDKSHDJD 😭😭😭

- OH MY GOSHFJDHDKD

- awww ben and margot are actually good together

- oh i think i spoke too soon

- OH. OH NO. UMMMM…

- but the way mcenroe is now narrating ben’s story as in-depth as devi’s means something… yeah i’m gonna be correct. benvi endgame

- PATI OWNING SHARES OF APPLE IS SENDING MEHAHDKDHDKD

- noooo fab and devi :(((

- i kinda understand why ben is like this. devi mssed him up fr fr 😭

- paxton talking about his dreams of becoming a scholarship swimmer, devi ruining it, but him still forgiving her :”))

- i am really loving paxton’s wise era !! he may be underutilized but i enjoy every scene he’s in

- okay but aneesa rlly just showing up once in this episode???

- AWWWW THE FRIENDSHIPS OF THIS EP

- ELEANOR IS GRADUATING EARLY?? woah okay slay

- “But do YOU think you’re good enough?” Y E S

- AWWWW SO SHE WANTS TO GO TO PRINCETON BC OF MOHAN 🥺😭 brb crying in the corner

- i could be wrong but the doctor looks like mrs. montez (gabriella’s mom from hsm)

- nalini and devi 🥺

- HER HEART IS STILL WITH BEN AAAAAA

Ep. 7

- OMG GIGI HADID IS BACK

- no bc paxton as a swim coach is a vibe

- DEVI BE NICER WITH YOUR PHRASES 😭😭😭 but i am loving the daxton friendship so much

- the identity crisis is so bad </3 i’m hoping paxton finds his way

- is paxton gonna end up dating lindsay/ms. thompson? i’m confused bc i read something about this

- “It’s okay if I fail as long as I tried” AWWWWW

- watching paxton be a coach is so endearing !!

- oof the lockeroom scene

- PAXTON IS SUCH AN OLDER BROTHER AT THIS POINT 😭 i promise this isn’t the benvi in me but their dynamic seems so platonic now

- SO THEY DID KISS OKAY OH MY GOSH

- paxton’s mom looks so close to his age 😭

- awwww the closure 🥹 i love closure moments

- PAXTON FEELING THE VIBES HAHDKSHDKD YEAH YOU TELL THEM (i am so gonna be right about benvi endgame)

- i wonder if paxton will go back to college :00

- AWWWW PAXTON YOU GO MAN

Okay. Will continue watching this tomorrow. I am a tired uni student first.

A night’s sleep, whole day of uni, and stressful cleaning later. WE’RE BACK!

Ep. 8

- OMG NOT MY BENVI PLOT IDEA ABOUT THEM TEXTING COMING TO LIFE

- THE ZOOM INS WITH NALINI ARE KILLING MEHAHAKDHDKD

- PROPERTY BROTHER LOOKING ASSHAHAHWKDHDJS

- oh nice devi is cool with it?!??? the maturity

- “You two are the best relationships I’ve had in high school” 🥺🥺🥺

- i can’t with this aneesa erasure though,, mindy did her so dirty 😭

- also where is manish

- JENNIFER COOLIDE CHARACTERHAKFHDJD

- AWWWW DEVI WANTING HER MOM TO BE HAPPY 🥺🥺🥺

- ben x trent subplot 👀👀👀

- OK MANISH MENTION

- WHATS THIS THING WITH LEN????

- ooof eleanor’s mom

- always a kitchen moment

- awwww devi being mature with her reaction about the texts even if it hurts 😭

- what if,, baby is len’s daughter 😭

- BEN AND TRENTGAGKDHDJSKS

- BEN HAVING A DREAM ABOUT DEVI??????SHAKDHSKSSJ

- TRENT PUSHING BEN TO GO AFTER DEVI WAS NOT ON MY BINGO CARD

- BEN????????? WHATS HAPPENING????????

- OKAY WOASHAKSHSHASJSHSJS SO CHAOTIC

- awww i love this vishwakumar bonding 🥹🫶

- i’d support a narrative about devi and margot just forgetting about ben lmao

- OH MY GODHAHDJSDHJS NALINI AND MARGOT’S DAD

- WHAT WHY IS DEVI BEING REJECTED????

Ep. 9

- noooo this is hitting me too hard i was in a devi situation where i only got in one college despite being a decorated overachieving student 😔

- okay everyone find a trent he honestly seems like the best hype man lol

- FAB IS GONNA GO TO HER DREAM SCHOOL THEREFORE OPENING A SLOT IN PRINCETON THAT WILL GO TO DEVI

- OMG NOT THE LIEEEEE

- “David? You okay?” BEN’S DELIVERY IS SO SOFT 🥺😩😭

- awwww devi offering to help ben has my heart 🥺

- devi and nalini’s moments hit homeeee i am emotional

- “I didn’t get into college. I didn’t get into anywhere.” 🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭

- PAXTON AND LINDSAY AAAAAAAA i ship it

- “Bevi, our best student, didn’t get into a single college” THEN BEN’S CONCERNED REACTION MY HEARTTTT

- okay fine maybe i do like trent and eleanor they’re the unhinged couple every sitcom has

- BEN’S WINDOW SCENEEEE

- ben asking how paxton went up through her window 😭

- the way my vision is coming to life i love winning i love being a pophet

- I AM TEAM BEN BECAUSE BEN IS TEAM DEVI !!

- “Maybe I was wrong, David” BUT DEVI ENDS UP SLEEPING

- OMG BEN STAYED OVERSHDOWHDKDHDOD

- “I thought he was one of your dolls” NALINIHSJSKDHD

Pause. About to do something.

Okay. We’re back…

- Dr. Ryan 🥺

- i love paxton finally knowing what he wants to do

- i’m crying at devi writing her essay about her dad 🥺😭 MY HEARTTTT

OKAY FOLKS. I DON’T THINK I’M READY JUST YET. GIVE ME A SECOND.

Okay. Here we go.

Ep. 10

- OMG ANEESA IS BACK

- OMG DEVI GOT INNNN

- AWWWW THE HUGGGG (and aneesa and fab’s reaction 👀)

- LAW FIRM WOW. okay ben i wish i were you.

- yeah end of nemesis era bc start of LOVERS ERA

- wait who was the valedictorian??

- OKAY DEVI WAS VALEDICTORIAN

- the grad videos felt like the cast not the characters 🥺

- also i love how paxton was there posing with them 🥺🥺🥺

- nalini not being ready to take off the thalli awwww

- devi and her friends trying to look for a common date go hang with her hs friend group is so me and my hs friends when we got to uni 😭

- CARFAXHAHDKSHDJ

- CAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW ABOUT THE NIGHT IN THE HOTELLLLLLL UGHHHH THE MODEL UN TRIP

- UGH BENVI IS SO ENDGAME

- awwww devi’s friends being at the wedding 🥺

- greeting guests (especially the pretentious family friends and relatives) is truly dreadful

- kamala being the older sister devi never had is something i always love seing

- THE UN AWWWW

- DEVI PLAYING UNCHAINED MELLDY FOR HER GRANDMA’S WEDDING OH I AM EMOTIONAL

- MOHAN APPEARANCE 🥺🥺🥺

- “I AM SO PROUD OF YOU” *sobs*

- OMG DEVI AND KAMALA DANCING I SUDDENLY REMEMBER THEIR ACTORS’ YT VID 🥹

- at the start of the series, devi could care less about her heritage but now here she is dancing

- awww paxton 🥺 i really love his character growth

- LI’L D 🥺🥹😭

- DAXTON FRIENDSHIP IS SO PRECIOUS

- NOT THEM PLAYING NEVER HAVE I EVER HOW META

- BEN OMGOMGOMG THIS IS REMINDING ME OF TATBILB’S ENDING

- HE FLEW ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY FOR DEVI BITCHHHH

- I THINK I LOVE YOU DEVI

- I LOVE YOU TOO BEN

- OMGHALDHAKSJSJ ENDGAME ENDGAME ENDGAME

- NALINI’S HEALING 🥺🥺🥺

- OH MY GOSH BENVI IS SO THE VERY FIRST NIGHT CODED

- AHSKDHSKDHWKSHWLDIS OMGOMGOMG

- BUT FOR YOU I CAN TRY UGHHH

- benvi endgameeeee

- DEVI’S ONLY PETITION BEING FOR HER MOM 🥺 + I’LL SEE YOU AT PRINCETON FOR HER DAD 🥺

- UGH THE PERFECT ENDINGGG

Ended watch on June 09, 2023. 11:54 PM.

Separate overall thoughts soon.

[things-keeping-me-up-at-night]

This might be my favourite final season and finale of any show ever.

Of course there are other things they could have put a little more focus on and Aneesa once again did the absolute least, but I really loved the way the show focused on Devi‘s growth, especially in her relationships with her friends and Nalini.

My mom and I bawled our eyes out at her essay about her dad and I really appreciate how, for a lack of a better word, chill her and Paxton‘s relationship played out. I‘ve never been into them as a romantic pairing, but even their ‚closure‘ kiss felt very organic and nice.

Eleanor and Trent continued to be the cutest and the way they showed up for each other was so sweet, I just love them.

I‘m incredibly happy about Nalini having healed from the loss of Mohan enough to make new steps not only in her romantic life but also in a life on her own.

As for Devi and Ben…I can‘t stop smiling. HE LOVES HER. SHE LOVES HIM. This is the way it was always meant to be and nobody can convince me otherwise, they are everything.

I could list all the things I want to scream at the top of my lungs about them right now and I‘m probably going to later, but from them falling asleep together on prom night to seeing them just casually as a couple in Princeton, my heart is officially bursting with joy.

(On a more personal note, I also loved Devi‘s talks with Dr. Ryan this season- one of the biggest reasons the show has meant so much to me has been seeing a teenage girl with, let‘s face it, a pretty realistic amount of issues to work through in therapy in a show that is still funny and bright. The interactions between them definitely reminded me of my last few sessions with my therapist, and, along with Devi‘s and Nalini‘s relationship, are the thing that have resonated with me the most about this season and the entire show.)

[scumbag-the-hedgehog]

@omniversentertwined asked: If they had a kid... Demourge? Yakourge..?

So... the not-messed-up one first!

How strong would the offspring be?

Name: Devi Gender: Transfemme Non-Binary General appearance: Imp and Speedster DNA mix weird, so she came out a hedgehog with shorter quills, plus an Imp horn, wings, claws and tail. Kind of a pale mint green? Loves wearing rainbow patterned clothes and big old colorful sunglasses to deal with bright lights. Personality: She's a jokester! A funny lil' gal! A sweetheart who's a bit of a fast-talker and throws out quips, full of energy, and ready to be the center of attention. A natural entertainer. Special talents: She's got a bit of her dad's speed and fully has her mom's shapeshifting abilities - and kind of abuses the latter for mischievous purposes. Also, really flexible and acrobatic, and is pretty good at shit-talking. Who they like better: She loves both of them! ...but it depends on who's letting her get away with more in the moment. Who they take after more: So the shit-talking and trouble-making tendencies are all Scourge, but... this is so clearly Demo's kid with the spunkiness, scatterbrainedness, curiosity, and even empathy and affection at her core. Personal headcanon: Has a weird hyperfixation with clowns. Loves collecting clown-themed items for some reason? Oh no there's so much fucking clown shit oh gaia why-

...Yakourge below the cut, you have been warned.

Name: ASHURA Gender: Non-Binary General appearance: You can probably figure out where we're going. Personality: Extremely divergent depending on who gets to raise them. Could turn out a laid-back, relatively well-adjusted person under Libra's watchful eye, or... under his mother's supervision, he could be the perfect weapon. Cold, efficient, brutal... maybe subject to volatility but he just needs a little discipline every so often to address that. Special talents: Speedster, Enhanced Chaos Powers, Ridiculous Healing Factor (like nightmare fuel-inducing Wolverine levels of healing factor) Who they like better: If they're lucky, Scourge because he got them the hell out of there. If they're not, well... I guess Yako's the only option they have. Who they take after more: Scourge either way - his best attributes if they can be gotten out of there, or his worst if they're left in Yako's clutches. Personal headcanon: Strong cravings for red meat. Can manifest as a love for chili dogs if things go well. If they don't, uh

[ad1thi]

Kamala is the most accurate character ive seen in this whole show, idk she fits more into what the indian disapora looks and acts like than Devi does, but maybe im just being too critical

okay i finally finished all my assessments (for a while anyway) so i finally have the time to watch Never Have I Ever. as promised, i will be liveblogging it ( @rxmanoff here’s your tag). general disclaimer that (1) this thread will obviously contain spoilers just in case anyone who’s not seen it yet happens across this and (2) all opinions are my own. you don’t have to agree with them but unsurprisingly - i don’t actually want to hear about how you disagree with it

[nnishinoyaa-04]

First kiss

characters: Ran, Rindou (sorry if it's kinda ooc)

teenage love!! fluff!! btw Ran's part reader has a strict asian parents

tmi how i got this idea (also spoiler): i just finished watching never have i ever s1 😩 Ran's story is when paxton kiss devi in his car while Rindou's is when devi kiss ben after finishing tossing his father's ashes

Haitani Ran

"Ughh fuck this- now i'm all wet" looking at your dress on the mirror infront of you "Mom's really gonna kill me"

Basically you decided to disobey your asian mom to sneaked out to go to your friend party and now you are all wet because there's a girl that thought pushing you into the pool is funny. What could be more worse than that.

You lay in the bath tub thinking for 10 reason to tell your mom why did you sneaked out and all wet "AHH I DON'T KNOW" you ruffled your hair. Suddenly the bathroom door opened "Hey.." you startled and realized that voice is Ran's, one of the most popular boys in your school also aka your crush, he sit next to you during history period "Geez you scared me- Ooh it's yyo you- ahahh hey"

'why are you stuttering' you thought to yourself "May i come in?" "Uhh yea yea sure-"

"So.. it's pretty rough just now" closing the door behind him, heading his way to you "Yea someone think it's funny to got me all wet" rolling your eyes "Why didn't you snap at them back?" he ask still standing infront of you "First of all pretty boy i'm not like you, if I push them back I might need to prepare for a funeral-"

He chuckle "but isn't it fun and amusing if you push them back" you glare at him "Didn't you listened to what I just said" "Yea I did, I'm just telling you it will be fun if yo-"

"Yeah yeah" you turn your head to the other side feeling upset that Ran is just trying to make fun of you "y/n? heyyy" "just leave me alone"

Ran just sigh, he take your hand and caress it. Luckily you're not looking at him because you are blushing right now. "Can I sit inside with you?" you just hummed as a respond

He didn't let go of your hand when he get inside into the bath tub "y/n you have a pretty hand" he complimented you "thanks" you softly smile at him "it will be more pretty with this-" he slide a ring to your finger

You are in shock right now "wha- why?" he just smile and show you his finger "now we're matching" you just look at him don't know what to say "hey? do you not like it?" he ask you still having the pretty smile on his face "no it just- you're not playing with me right?"

"what do you mean?" he tilt his head confused "I mean like you're not going to ask me to pay you right?" he laugh "f-for what? I bought this for you so we can be matching" he smirk

You sigh in relieft "Thank God" "so? do you like it?" you just nod your head "good then-"

You keep looking at the ring on your finger while talking with Ran "Me and Rindou live separately from our parents"

You just nod, still looking at your finger "hey y/n" "yea-" before you can finish your word you felt a soft dry lips on your lips a hand on your face

Ran let you go after a second "y- you just kissed me?!" Ran just smile at you more like a smirk "that was my first kiss! mom's gonna kill me she's really going to kill me" you whine

Ran just laugh "stop laughing" you hit his chest "okay okay- sorry"

----

bonus

you guys make out until you hear you phone ring, you answer it without looking at the caller id "hello" taking a breath from your make out session just now "WHERE ARE YOU? IT'S 11 PM ALREADY"

"M-mom yeah you know-" "Y/N YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS HERE RIGHT NOW I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF YOUR EXPLANATION" you hang up the call and look at Ran awkwardly "Your mom is scary" "Yeah she's really strict" Ran giggle "i can tell- come on i give you a ride"

"Really?"

"Yeah, you're my girlfriend right"

You kiss him on the mouth and whisper "yes, you're my boyfriend"

Haitani Rindou

You are in a car, sitting on the passenger seat. Beside you is Rindou, he's giving you a ride to your house. You guys just went out a date. You can say your first date went smoothly. Good for you.

"y/n you sure you don't want to eat anymore?" rindou ask, turning his head to you with a curiosity look "uhh yeah, why do you ask?" you innocently ask "nothing you didn't eat a lot when we're eating just now"

you just chuckle and scratch your nape "it just i'm too shy to eat- infront of you" you whispered the last word but Rindou heard it but he just decide to shrugg it off.

after 10 minutes driving Rindou suddenly stop his car. you startled and confused because Rindou didn't bring you to your house instead to the beach "why are we here?" your turn to Rindou side, asking "We still have time don't want to waste it" you just nod awkwardly

"but-" "hmm?" raising his eyebrows looking at you "why the beach?" you smile "the sunset of course" you put your mouth in a duck face and just nod and turning your head to the window beside you

you didn't realized Rindou take a picture of you doing that face, he just chuckle looking at the picture he took just now "what's funny?" you ask still having that face "nothing you're cute" he pinch your cheeks. you're face is now red "look who's blushing" rindou smirk "stop it" you glare at him, rindou just laugh at your face

Rindou have been laughing for 5 minutes, he keep teasing you. You're pouting and sulking and then you realized the sunset "heyy rindou the sunset" you pull his hand to grab his attention while pointing at the sun

"Let's go outside" Rindou said before opening his door and went outside. He's standing not far from the car "y/n come" "wait i'm trying to find my phone" you shouted loud enough for him to hear you "just use my phone" he shouted back, waving his phone at you

"fine" you went out the car and ran to Rindou. Standing next to him "the sunset is beautiful" you blurted out "Yea-" he turn his head to you quickly "are you letting me go?" "hah?"

(for people that don't know what it means 'the sunset is beautiful isn't it?' it's 'i love you but i'm letting you go' you can google it for more explaination)

Rindou just shook his head. "Can we take a picture?" you smile at him excitedly "sure" he take out his phone and click the camera button. you put on a peace sign for the picture, Rindou put his hand on your shoulder and pull your closer. you smile for the picture and then you realized rindou didn't look at the camera but he's looking at you.

"Rindou you didn't look at the camera" you whine at him "so what? i look in love with you in this picture"

After Rindou said that you didn't waste any time and just crash your lips on his. Rindou is a bit surprised by your action cause just now you're blushing because he complimented you and you saying that you're embarassed to eat in front of him now you are kissing him.

'this girl is different' (in a good way) he thought to himself. you still kissing him, your hands on his chest. Rindou smirk before kissing you back. He pull your face closer, hands on your neck and the other hand on your waist. You guys keep kissing, hungry for each other, Rindou slide his tounge into your mouth. You are startled but you just keep going, Rindou smirk between the kiss.

After about 5 minutes kissing, you pull out to catch your breath. who knows on your first date you will have so much confident to do the first move. "So bold" you look up to Rindou to see him smirking, you roll your eyes. you raised your hand to hit him but before you can do that he pull you, your face hit his rough chest.

He slide his hand on your waist to your hips "hug me y/n" you wrap you hand on Rindou's body. You guys stay like that for 10 minutes enjoying each other company.

"Rindou be my boyfriend" you shyly asked "I am your boyfriend" he kiss your temple. Rindou can feel your lips smiling on his chest he decide to tease you "smiling huh?" you bite his chest "Ouw- okay sorry"

--------------------------------------

I WAS GOING TO WRITE MITSUYA TOO 😭 BUT IM TOO LAZY AND MY MIND WENT BLANK also I hope you enjoy this and sorry for any spelling error

[hopefulobjectmiracle]

The wilds and NHIE for the show asks

the wilds:

favorite male character:

i thought it was gonna be seth, but then they pulled /that/ twist on us...so i'm going to say kirin bc he really grew on me after that storyline. i'm excited to see him interact with my girls in s3!!

favorite female character:

fatin!! she started off fairly unlikable in the first couple eps, but she completely won me over in her episode and just got better and better throughout season 2. i love how she went from not wanting to be friends w/ any of the girls to becoming the de facto mom friend of the gang <3

also honorable mentions to dot and rachel!! i think rachel is the show’s most compelling character and dot is just a gem (as well as the only sane member of the group). 

least favorite character:

i would say seth, but he’s not actually a bad character...he’s just a horrible person who unfortunately has an extremely well-written and acted story. i guess my least favorite is scotty? by default because he was probably the only one of the boys that never really won me over. 

also i’m sorry even though she was so much better in s2 i still don’t love leah please don’t kill me

prettiest character:

fatin or shelby - they're both drop dead gorgeous!! oh, and marcus is pretty sexy too 😌

funniest character:

what if i unironically said gretchen hehe...she’s just so insane that it’s enjoyable and her antics made me laugh more than anyone else in s2. the scene where henry sings to her lives in my mind rent free at this point. 

favorite season:

i liked s2 more than most people did but s1 still owns my heart bc of all the focus on the girls and all of the development that they got, both separately and with each other. 

favorite episode:

1x05 (fatin’s episode). this ep had so much going for it - aside from giving us fatin’s backstory, we also got so many great moments with the girls at the pond, as well as the scene in which they save rachel from the mud. 

favorite romantic ship:

i’m not super invested in any of the romantic ships on the show, but i do enjoy shoni and i hope they get back together soon :) 

favorite family ship:

i’m going to cheat and say that i love the found family of the unsinkable eight seven 🥰 those girls have my heart!! 

favorite friend ship:

dot x fatin!! shoutout to @randomcanbian for reminding me how much i enjoy them together :))

worst ship:

i’ve seen seth x josh and i think that is absolutely horrible 🥴

-

never have i ever:

favorite male character:

ben gross, asshole know-it-all my beloved <3

favorite female character:

devi vishwakumar, my flawed messy grieving queen!! she might even be a top 5 character of all time - i just love her so much. 

least favorite character:

trent or eleanor. they both have their moments but overall trent annoys me and none of eleanor’s storylines interest me at all. 

prettiest character:

i think fabiola is seriously underrated in terms of how gorgeous she is. her season 2 looks in particular were 10/10!!

funniest character:

there are a lot of contenders for this one, but i have to give it to rebecca hall-yoshida. her brutally calling out paxton is hilarious and is everything to me. 

favorite season: 

i really enjoyed both seasons, but there’s something special about s1. what’s funny about my favorite s2 eps is that they all have a s1-like quality to them, whether they’re about the same set of characters or deal with similar subjects. there are a lot of great things about s2, but overall i think s1 was better written and had a tighter narrative, as well as more likable characters. 

favorite episode:

weirdly enough, it is also 1x05 for this show 😂 fabiola’s storyline is great and the ben and devi scenes are easily the highest quality interactions between them in the whole show. 

favorite romantic ship:

is this even a question? ofc it’s ben x devi!! their arc (especially in s1) hit all the right notes of what i want to see in the show, from their chemistry to their banter to their slowly developing friendship to the epic finale kiss. their s2 arc was also fascinating and i’m really excited to see what comes next for them. 

favorite family ship:

by far devi & nalini. such an incredible and complex mother-daughter duo with such great development. i also think they're pretty great comedy-wise. 

favorite friend ship:

despite not being a huge fan of eleanor, i do like the chaotic energy of eleanor, fabiola, and devi’s trio (especially in eps like 2x02 where they’re scheming). 

also, shoutout to ben and devi’s friendship!! even when they’re not dating, their dynamic is still so strong and so enjoyable. 

worst ship:

hmmmm....this isn’t the worst ship objectively (that would probably be something like ben and shira) but the ship i personally dislike most is devi and paxton. seeing them together just makes me so uncomfortable bc of maitreyi and darren’s age difference and i don’t particularly like their storyline either. here’s to a breakup in season 3!!

send me a show in my ask box!!

[the-paris-of-people]

i have questions for once!! what was your favorite part of season 3 that wasn't benvi related? what side character stood out to you the most this season & why?

YAY SPENCER!!! Nalini and Devi's growth moved me so incredibly much. I particularly loved that Devi chose to stay at home for her mom, how they exchanged snacks on the airplane, her mom making an effort to reach out to Devi more and understand her, finally coming to terms with the fact that Devi is a teenager and letting her DATE for God's sake, and standing up to Rhyah and telling her she's enough!! That absolutely had my heart. In general, I love that the show depicts Nalini not as a villain, but as a parent who truly loves Devi but is trying to navigate grief and challenges of being a single parent while tackling generational and cultural challenges. I know probably a lot of this mirrored Mindy Kaling's own relationship with her mother, and a lot of brown girls relate to healing this kind of intergenerational trauma through improving familial bonds and so did I. I loved it so incredibly much and I know Mohan would be so happy too.

I am inclined to say Paxton stood out for me, but I honestly need to give this season to Trent. He honestly really shone for me, he honestly turned out to be a lot more smart, loyal, and incredibly funny than I ever gave him credit for. Like Eleanor, I am also happy he isn't graduating so he can continue to make me laugh my ass off and pull at my heartstrings next season.

[egyptian-sun-god]

Never Have I Ever (mildly critical lens)

1. BIG THING. NHIE is not a show that was made directed at me. Yes it has similarities with my heritage as Indian but I am not American. Not born there nor raised. I am a diaspora Tamilian though, and my schools throughout most of my life have had very little Indians and even fewer Tamilians in them. Usually its just me.  So while there is overlap, Devi and I would have innately different experiences and worldviews.

2. Why is her last name Vishwakumar and her Dad’s name Mohan? Where that coming from. Correct me if I’m wrong, but most to all Tamil people use patronymic's right? Like am I right or am I tripping? Someone correct me. I checked Mindy Kaling’s bio and she took her father’s last name so I might be tripping? 

3. Okay straight off the bat, Devi annoyed the hell outta me. Like no joke...I really dislked Devi. But she’s a traumatized teenager who has no common sense and too much hormones. I’ve seen ppl like her so I’m fairly happy we have a flawed and messed up portrayal of a POC and doesn’t feed into the idea of perfection. But also Devi’s mom is suprisingly lenient to Devi’s disrespect man. like I see why but woowowowowo....she’s uncharacteristically tolerant sometimes. 

Now even though I get that Devi is supposed to be flawed and unlikeable. Because she is immensely selfish and bitchy with shitty communication skills. Devi’s friends forgive her waaay to fast. Like ladies, what are you aiming for? SAINTHOOD? Like at least let her grovel a little bit for being such a bitch. 

4. Love interest. Y’all heard me. WHY THE FUCK IS BOTH OF HER INTERESTS WHITE or at least definitely white passing. Like they did Paxton dirty man. Like was it too much? Was it too much to wish for Devi to have more Indian friends or like an Indian/POC love interest? I feel personally that it is such a weird precedent that has been set with POC centric love stories. And this definitely should be a critic that has come up before. 

You know which love stories resonated with me? Nalini and Mohan. Because it represented the possibility of like marrying someone (going off the assumption they were arranged to be married) and falling in love after marriage. A very real scenario for many many couples. Kamala’s entire shenanigan with Steve and Prasanth and having to choose between the uncertain boyfriend situation but losing family but keeping family and going with an arranged marriage. Also props to Kaling for not demonizing arranged marriages. Please please let season 2 explore Kamala’s struggle more. Hell even that one off thing with Eleanor and the tech crew boy was funny. 

5. Kamala’s whole character was many vibes. Because counting down and stressing about marriage is such a goddamn relatable feeling. I ain’t that much younger than Kamala and let me tell you the anticipation/fear is REAL. And like her talking in Ganesh puja and like weighting the options of being a social outcast or going with the arranged marriage and with the hope that like you’ll find someone cool.

6. I don’t like how Devi tries to reject her Indian culture and I really really hope they develop that next season or something and get her to find a balance. Because at the end of that season she did get a good talking to about trying to be Indian enough or too Indian and finding that balance but it doesn’t feel like she’s finding that balance and her being jealous of the other Indian girl does not bode well for me. 

ALSO THEY FUCKING MISSED OUT SO BAD. You make a series about a Tamil American girl and you don’t name drop any famous stars. Thala Thalapathy, Superstar??? VJS?? Surya? Dhanush? Nobody? Why? Like Devi doesn’t know them...makes sense. But like Kamala is from town right? She has to have carried some of that. Like that scene when she called them for a movie right? Why not name drop some famous ass classic like Baasha or Sachein or Roja? Like a cool nod to the Tamil kids out there watching this series to see parts of their culture and language included. Like even the soundtrack and songs have no Tamil songs? Like not even one for the heck of it?? WHY? IS THAT NOT SO SO MUCH MISSED REPRESENTATION? Like typical Tamil things like making a beat out of random shit, Tamil kuthu songs, Typical Tamil mega serials, food and enjoying food together. Like why wasn’t the food stated or name dropped. 

Personally, NHIE was really really really white palatable and it didn’t really get it into any roots of our culture especially for a girl struggling to find roots as in where she fits. Like you gotta show both cultures and let the audience and Devi figure out where she fits. If you show long Netflix shows like Pretty little liars, show alternatives like mega serials such as Chitti or Mudiyaathu Karuppu or Mettioli? Or if you wanna be more modern name drop Tamil webseries’s? If you wanna show English pop hits, show Tamil album songs and kuthu beats. IF YOU WANNA REPRESENT, THEN ACTUALLY REPRESENT. Don’t pull this generic ass BS on me!

5. I hope the lack of tamil culture in the series gets corrected next season somehow. I don’t have ANY ANY faith that it will. But I can be hopeful. Also I lowkey like that Devi has like a “rival” of another Indian girl. I don’t like that is is rivalry cause brown sisters gotta support each other and that’s sort of been the general motto from where I’m from. But like I get why and it would make complete sense. 

I really really hope that Aneesha is like super super Indian. Proud of her culture and brings a lot of her culture and its facets to discussions and not afraid to make her culture a focal point of herself.  It would be a really good foil to Devi and it might spark some thought into her and accepting or at least recognizing the cool shit about being Tamil. I wanna see that mainly cause I used to be lowkey ashamed for having a strong accent when I speak cause I was made fun of and I didn’t like having different lunches or listening to different music and not being part of the more Western culture. But I learnt to ignore that and became like 3000 times more proud of being Tamil and wore like traditional clothes to school, ranging from kurti tops over jeans at first and eventually wearing full on chudidaars and saris (saris to proms at least, I couldn’t wear a sari on a daily, half sari probably, sari would be hard). Bringing traditional sweets and food and distributing them to anyone who would ask and trading lunches.  Please let me see a brown kid who is proud to be brown and straight up in your face about it at times. 

(Unrelated but to Tamil/Indian ppl who had other Indian/Tamil kids in your school like was trading lunches or like sharing lunches common? Like its a pretty common Tamil thing to do and I brought that culture of taking some of everybody’s lunch and giving everybody a part of mine everywhere I went. But like was that a thing? )

[magireco]

out of curiosity what do you think of the characterization of homura in rebellion? i hugely dislike it but get the impression you enjoy it which i think is interesting cuz we seem to have very similar thoughts on homura pre-rebellion (CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG)

THIS IS INTERESTING BECAUSE IT DEPENDS ON WHAT FLAVOR OF REBELLION HOMURA YOU MEAN. i really really like the way she was done in the first half of the movie but as for the twist at the end...? mmm...

...okay, so... i've been thinking about saying this at some point but i keep avoiding it in fear of causing discourse and such bc... this is a really unpopular opinion apparently, but I really do not think devil homura was done properly. read under the cut if you wanna know why i feel this way!

the first issue i'm going to address is that there wasn't NEARLY enough buildup for it. i'm going to explain this from the perspective of a first-time viewer: what would you have thought would happen after the very last scene of rebellion leading up to them breaking homura out of her soul gem? when homulilly got purified and the flowers on her head turned to sakura flowers (y'know, the flowers that symbolize life and rebirth, homura being reborn from her witch)? did you think homura was suddenly gonna undermine madoka's godliness? because, uh, first-view me did not think that at all. and neither did almost anyone i know who watched it for the first time. not only is that poor setup but it's just so sudden and it feels so out of character compared to what we'd seen in the entire series as a whole, especially considering that the entire last part of the movie leading up until that was about purifying her... and saving her... there wasn't enough buildup. most people are like "but the flower scene happened!" but that's still way too vague...? it's hard to tell what conclusion homura comes to at the end, because we don't get to see any of her internal monologue... there is no other buildup after the flower scene... it just skips to homura realizing she's a witch. wouldn't that bring the viewer to think the flower scene was something that made homura realize she was a witch rather than her suddenly starting to form her plan? it always felt like to me the conclusion homura came to at the end of the flower scene was that she was validating madoka's bravery and telling her that if it ever came to that, she'd have the ability to make that hard decision. which is... so... weird? because i always interpreted that as homura coming to terms with what happened? i could just be interpreting it wrong though, but isn't that supposed to be our proof scene? our buildup scene? why would they make it so hard to understand? we need to know such important buildup points just as blatantly as the natural buildup to homura becoming a witch was. that's just from a moviemaking & writing perspective though.

secondly, i'm gonna discuss homura's motive. i actually ended up understanding were she was coming from after a while of being like "what the hell that makes zero sense!!!!". madoka is a 14-year-old girl who, in order to save the fate of every magical girl, literally had to sacrifice herself and erase herself from the world, and in the end, madoka just ended up saving homura again, and that must've made homura feel like her promise with madoka was never fulfilled. it's unfair what happened when you think about it and the law of cycles should not have been run by madoka herself because she, as any other 14 year old, deserves to be happy on earth. although it was said in magireco that madoka felt happy with what she was doing (and she felt like it truly gave her a purpose), she did admit to feeling lonely and homura probably made that assumption big time. but the way the writers went about it just made her seem so sinister... so out-of-character-ly sinister. what with the evil smirking and the deepened, almost... uh, sensual-seeming voice, and homura completely ignoring madoka's fear. it feels like they twisted her character extremely suddenly and it throws the viewer on a loop. they could've gone with that ending without making such drastic and sudden changes to homura's character, and if they were planning on doing that, why did they not give us more buildup? buildup that wasn't extremely cryptic that you have to scan and search every detail to get a clue? something i love about rebellion is that every time you watch you find something new, but how come some of the only clues illuding to devil homura's existence are in the op? it's odd. why didn't they go with something like making the incubators run the law of cycles? they were the ones at fault for causing it to be created. but honestly, the incubators cannot be trusted with anything, which is why it'd make sense for a magical girl to run the law of cycles, but if homura and madoka had the combined power to do so, what if they just remade the law of cycles so it was less unfair to madoka...? i don't know. either of those possibilites would make more sense than what happened.

something else that kind of irks me about it is that they demonized(literally, lol) homura's love for madoka. homura is very much a canon lesbian, and it's incredibly discomforting to me that they made her seem, outwardly to the viewer, so selfish...? please don't get me wrong, i'm not ACTUALLY calling homura selfish -- i know the entire akumura facade is a mask she put on, but like, it's so much more blatantly sinister than she is in the series when she's putting on the coolmura facade. it's going to really confuse the viewer and see every single one of her actions from the entire series in a completely different light, INCLUDING stuff that happened in rebellion itself. like the genuine sadness homura felt, the way we saw into her soul and felt her pain, that genuinely made a lot of people i've seen think that it was ingenuine upon first inspection... they made homura turn "evil" out of her love for madoka, as if it's a bad thing to fall in love, and as if love for another girl was what corrupted her soul gem... i understand that gen urobuchi probably wanted to explore that kind of path where love leads to obsession or whatever, but homura was selfless to a fault, constantly trying to force herself away from the others in order to not get attached, and deeply afraid of seeming creepy and predatory and scaring(she said this herself), which is exactly what she ends up doing at the end, and i feel so awful that they did that to her... how is the viewer supposed to know what her true motives are at that point? it gets all scrambled up after they did that huge plot twist. i'm going to address another thing super quick before people jump in my ask box over this, i understand also that it would make sense for homura to be obsessed with madoka, but in the series, it was never shown in this light, and like i said, if they were going to do this, why'd they even have the purification scene at the end at all? the buildup is all wrong . it also just made me upset that this ending caused SO many people to start literally believing homura is evil because of her actions at the end, and it made people become even more vehement on their beliefs that homura is obsessive and ps*cho...

i was really confused when i watched it for the first time (and also sobbing hysterically, literally, my funniest rebellion story as someone who has genuinely watched the movie 40-ish times, i remember vividly the first time i watched it i started sobbing on my hands and knees on a yoga mat in my mom's room). also like, just to prove my point a teensy bit more, the ending was so ambiguous and out of nowhere that one of the first google results to "madoka magica rebellion" is "madoka magica rebellion ending explained" because it shocked people so much that that was the first thing they needed to google. also, the fact they left us on such a vague cliffhanger and then abandoned the movie series for a total of 8 whole years only to make a sudden comeback in god's holy year of 2021 was almost cruel. LIKE GUYS I JUST FINISHED UP MY DEVIL HOMURA HEADCANONS IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!!!

...anyways, um, i really have to address the sexualization. madoka magica, previously, was a series that avoided fanservice in the show, at least, but why did they make akumura's design look like that...? it shows an unsettling amount of skin and like, every three seconds in the end they're focusing intensely on her lips and her eyes and... it's almost like the writers forgot she was 14, but they never seemed to forget that in the series? what happened????? in the transformation scene, we get closeup views of homura's thighs and back and stuff and it's all open everywhere... they made her tights into thigh-highs... in the whole series, even when she went to school, she always wore tights, and she was wearing tights in her magical girl outfit too... they absolutely deliberately did that to sexualize her further so they could make official art with her thighs out. speaking of official art that unsettles me, why does so much of the official art make the whole outfit just glued to her body and you can see all the shading on her features... it's just. ugh. anyways.

i went off a LITTLE too much on this and i know this is probably gonna get me some weird glances in the fandom and i am open to hearing other people's opinions but i don't think i'll ever stop disliking the effect this plot twist had on the fandom's interpretation of homura and although i'm like UNDENIABLY incredibly hyper excited for the next movie, i'm kind of...nervous for what this is going to bring? i don't want this next movie to cause the same amount of discourse the ending of rebellion did and i legit just want to see homura happy. another one of my main issues with the ending is just that homura is SO unhappy when she literally deserves to be happy SOOOOOOO BAD and just take a break from all the loops ... i'm Praying to madokami out there that that's what happens.

i know this is all really funny coming from someone who draws devil homura on a regular basis and literally writes her, but like... i'm a lesbian i'm allowed to<3

ANYWAYS thanks for listening this was a fun ask!!!

[themediamaven]

Never Have I Ever Season 2 Review:

So, today I’ll be reviewing Never Have I Ever Season 2. First off though, I’d like to start by saying that I did not finish watching Season 2 of Never Have I Ever because it was so bad and I got it on good authority from a couple friends that it only got worse from where I stopped at the beginning of 2x05. So, here we are!

Many of you may or may not be thinking, how is this woman supposed to review a show with any credibility if she didn’t even finish the season? Well, all I can tell you is my thoughts, both good and bad, on it, and leave it at that. Your opinion is up to you.

First off, why and where do Devi’s friends, Fabiola and Eleanor get off telling Devi to choose Paxton over Ben? I’ll admit I’m firmly Team Ben in this messed up two boyfriends situation, but Paxton wouldn’t make a bad friend, just not an attentive and good boyfriend. At least in my opinion.

I just don’t get how Fabiola and Eleanor are experts in this situation. Fabiola just got a girlfriend and she’s feeling insecure around her girlfriend’s friends because she doesn’t know the social ins and outs of being gay and Eleanor is almost as awkward as Devi when it comes to boys. What gives them the authority on helping Devi choose Paxton or Ben? Both girls are far too inexperienced to be giving dating advice to their definitely misguided friend, Devi.

Listen, I know it’s just a show and it’s supposed to be funny, but Devi’s whole boy situation comes off as annoying. At least to me. Why couldn’t Devi ask Kamala for advice on this? Especially since she’s been in a similar quandary. Trying to choose between her American boyfriend and Prashant.

Also, Dr. Ryan is so right when she tells Devi that she has 0 boyfriends instead of 2 because she’s not being open and honest with either of them.

Maybe I’m simply not the target audience for this particular show since I’m 30, but I still read a lot of YA Books and I’ve never seen a character come off as quite this annoying. Even Paxton with his annoying quirks isn’t as bad as Devi in this whole situation.

Okay, rant over. At least for now. Now, onto some of the few things I enjoyed about this season. My favorite character was definitely Paxton’s sister, Rebecca. She had some amazing one liners and advice to give to Paxton on his misguided academic and personal journey. She was definitely the star of the show for me.

I also thought Prashant and Kamala were so soft and beautiful. Him bringing a meal to her lab for her when she’s having a bad day was perfection.

I also loved the addition of Common, which my best friend actually pointed out to me as we were watching (and getting equally aggravated with Devi and her 2 boyfriends situation). I’ll be taking bets now on when his character and Devi’s mom will get together, because I don’t know about you, but I saw the tiniest bit of chemistry between them.

[a-lockman5]

Dirty Little Secret {Devi x Paxton}

A/N: Hooray! So after about 8.5K, I cut this one off. I like the way it ended, and it was fun to imagine a future Daxton. Thank you so much to the person that requested it! I am throwing around the idea of working on a part 2, so if I get at least 5 “upvotes” for a part 2, I will take it on.

Summary: Devi wasn’t interested in dating anymore. She wasn’t hurt or messed up from a previous relationship. She just wanted to meet a guy that made time stand still. It just didn’t happen. That is, until a man from her past walked into her office.

Warnings: Fluff, drinking/alcohol abuse, time-jump (Devi and co. are in their late 20s), forbidden love, taboo, mild burns, sexual themes - nothing explicit

Don’t forget, request/ask is open!

And check out my MASTERLIST

“Debbie, you have a new patient today,” the office manager, Barb called out, thrusting a folder into the air.

“It’s Devi,” she swiped the folder from her, “you know, like that grandson you’re always going on about.”

“Oh, sorry, dear. I keep forgetting.”

“It’s alright, Barb, thanks for grabbing this,” she turned away toward her own desk. I’ve only been working here for two and half years. Why should you have caught on by now?

Devi Vishwakumar didn’t know what she wanted for the future when she graduated nearly nine years ago. She had spent her high school career with two things on her mind: having a love life and getting to Princeton. She’d managed both. After dating Ben Gross for the entirety of their junior year, Devi and he ended things amicably largely because being friendly rivals was much more fun and somehow resulted in less legitimate fighting. Senior year, she enjoyed the company of another classmate named Tyler Herron. He was academically minded, but still a jock in his own right. He played for the soccer and basketball teams, and Devi found she received common invites to parties that previously she thought only came from her friendship with Paxton Hall-Yoshida. Eleanor and Fabiola continued to prove they were the best friends anyone could ask for, but she also learned to love Shira and Zoey. Though they often seemed more superficial than Devi thought to care for, their aspirations were just as real as Devi’s and they had minds made for business and marketing. When time came for graduation, Devi felt more seen and cared for than she ever thought she could, and that’s what she said in her valedictorian speech. She also couldn’t help throwing a jab at Ben for beating him out, but to be fair, he insinuated letting her win in his own speech.

When she arrived at Princeton the following fall, Tyler forged his own path to MIT. Devi had no intention of bringing a boyfriend into college with her and was not at all hurt when Tyler felt the same way. She did wish she’d beat him to the punch, but at least they too split mutually and were able to be friendly on social media. Being single gave Devi the opportunity to focus on what was most important – her future.

Her mother made it very clear to her, she was to pick a college major before arriving for her first semester. Not having a plan is lazy. Are you lazy, khanna? Even when her mother was thousands of miles away, Devi could hear her loud and clear in her head. Though, she found she was right. Devi had to be prepared to make decisions for herself otherwise all the work she’d put in to get to Princeton would be for nothing. She chose Biology and pursued it relentlessly.

By the time she was graduating with her bachelor’s in biology, she’d made plenty of friends during that time who helped her choose to further pursue Physical Therapy. It was funny, she often thought, how she spent so long working to move across the country for her favorite Ivy League school to then end up back in her backyard for graduate school. The University of Southern California had one the best PT programs in the country, and Devi was proud to have studied there. Her final fieldwork was assigned at OSMC, Orthopedics and Sports Medicine Calabasas. After a thrilling experience, and impressing her Clinical Instructor at every turn, she was asked to stay on after graduation. Naturally, Devi accepted.

OSMC was not only the most exclusive orthopedic surgery and rehabilitation practice in Southern California, but it was also where she felt most at home. Outside of having a coworker who passively refused to learn the correct pronunciation of her name, she was in her element every day. Plus, she got to meet some really cool people. Professional athletes, actors, stuntmen, they all came to OSMC for physical rehabilitation. Legally, she wasn’t allowed to tell anyone else that she’d personally worked with Dylan O’Brien, Diego Boneta, and Mookie Betts. She liked to remind herself of those things regularly though. Living in the LA area also allowed Devi’s relationship to improve with her mom, who finally voiced how proud she was of Devi… when she first started working. Now, she was worried that Devi would never settle down.

Devi had begged her mother not to place her in an arranged marriage when she was still studying at Princeton. The conversation actually took place at Kamala and Prashant’s wedding ceremony. It wasn’t that she didn’t think it could work – Kamala and Prashant proved that love could flourish from being set up. Devi wanted something different though. She wanted what Nalini and Mohan had. They met when they were children, and never wanted anyone else. She wanted to meet a man and feel the electricity that could make her forget her own name (like Barb seemed to do every day). Heart softened by the reminder of how Mohan had swept her off her feet, Devi’s mother agreed. That was six years ago. More recently, Nalini reminded her daughter regularly that all of the handsome driven Indian men in her age range had already been swept up, so she was on her own. She also made it very clear that grandchildren were to be in her future.

Did her mother’s constant badgering sour Devi on dating? Maybe a little bit. Did she get guys to buy her, Eleanor, and Fabiola drinks when they out only to ditch the same guys at the first opportunity? Absolutely, but what woman hadn’t done that? It had been a long time since Devi saw a man that made time stand still, and Mehcad Brooks was treated in her therapy gym.

No, Devi was not the romance obsessed teen she once was. Honestly, it’s better this way. Now, I can focus on my career, she thought. She pulled up her schedule on her laptop and noticed she didn’t have an appointment for three hours. “Hey, Barb? What time is that eval coming in?”

“Scheduled in thirty minutes!” She called back.

“Who ya got, D?” Amir, one of the physical therapy assistants, asked. “Someone rich or someone famous?”

“Go ahead and take a look, you’ll probably be seeing them next week,” Devi replied going to grab a mug of coffee.

“Hey, another Olympian. Paxton Hall-Yoshida!”

“Devi, oh my gosh, are you okay?” Hannah’s voice sounded like it was a hundred miles away. Devi didn’t come back to reality until she felt a damp towel being pressed into her arms. “Here, there’s coffee all over your leg. I don’t want you to get burns.”

Hannah was their rehabilitation technician. She helped keep things picked up, sanitized, and would provide physical assistance if they needed another set of hands during a session. At the moment, she was saving Devi from second degree burns, and cleaning up the broken ceramics from the coffee mug she’d just dropped. Hannah was right too; Devi chose the wrong day to wear a skirt and had drenched her right leg in hot coffee.

“Hannah, I’m so sorry! I don’t know what came over me,” Devi told her pressing the towel on her knee and calf with one hand and crouching down to help pick up the pieces of her mug with the other.

“Devi, I love you, but please don’t help. We don’t want you to cut your hand open,” she laughed. Devi was known to be a little clumsy. “I have a pair of scrubs with me if you want to wear them today.”

“You are a lifesaver, Hannah. I don’t care what Amir says about you!” she called over her shoulder, heading into the locker room to change into Hannah’s scrubs.

Okay, Devi, get your shit together. Maybe it’s not even the same guy. Except, of course it was. How many Paxton Hall-Yoshida’s were Olympic Swimmer’s for the US team? One. There was one. One Paxton Hall-Yoshida that Devi had routinely made a fool of herself in front of when she was in high school. Paxton Hall-Yoshida that gave her the best first kiss a girl could dream up. Before she started dating Ben, Paxton was all she thought about. Now, she was supposed to treat him? God, I feel like I’m fifteen again! she thought, kicking the lockers angrily. She had to get a grip. She had exactly twenty-two minutes to handle the situation.

After changing quickly into the burgundy colored scrubs, Devi found herself in her boss’s office. “Makayla, is there any way I can give my eval to one of the other therapists?”

“Why?” She tapped her acrylics on the desk impatiently. Makayla was notorious for being in all the gossip of the clientele in their practice. Devi knew she had to be careful telling her too much. If she knew Devi and Paxton went to high school together, the questions would never stop until Devi ended up with word vomit about both of their personal lives.

“Uh... I just spilled hot coffee on my leg, and I am feeling pretty tense from that still.”

“Alright, Devi, I’m going to level with you. This particular client asked for you specifically. Apparently, he knows one of your previous clients, and they were a satisfied customer. He will not be happy if he works with another therapist. Are we going to have a problem?”

Devi swallowed her argument about conflicts of interest and gave her boss a tight-lipped smile. “No problem. I’m flattered, obviously. Thanks.” She rose from her seat and began to back out of the office. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help,” she gave a small wave and didn’t notice the way her foot caught on the door frame until it was too late.

She screwed her eyes shut, waiting for impact. It’s a reflex to reach your hands out toward the ground when falling in order to protect your head, but instead it often results in one of the most common fractures. Devi knew her bottom and back could take a fall and so she resisted the urge to catch herself, but that didn’t mean she was looking forward to meeting the floor.

Except she didn’t hit the floor. “Woah!” she heard man’s voice shout before she was caught by a strong arm. “Good thing you got my good side.”

When she opened her eyes, there he was. Holding her in mid-air with one arm, Paxton Hall-Yoshida smiled down at Devi like Christmas had come early. He gingerly aided her back to a standing position, and she tried to ignore how he bit his lip and smirked at her. Man, he had not changed a bit, except that somehow, he looked stronger and more handsome than the last time she’d seen him.

“Oh, thank goodness. We didn’t need Danni getting hurt again!” Barb giggled from behind the front desk. Devi opened her mouth to correct the office manager again but didn’t manage to get the words out before Paxton.

“It’s Devi,” he told Barb. “D-e-v-i; it means goddess.”

“Oh!” Barb smiled like it was the first time she’d heard Devi’s name. “Well, thank you, young man. This goddess is your physical therapist today.”

“Lucky me,” he grinned. “Lead the way, Dr. Vishwakumar.”

It was all Devi could do to stop the heat from coloring her cheeks as she led Paxton through the therapy gym to one of the exam rooms in the back. No one interrupted them or disrupted their course. That was an expectation of working in an office with so many VIP clients. Professionalism came first, and Devi kept blasting that in her head. Be professional. Be professional.

Once they reached the exam room, she stopped at the open door and gestured for him to enter ahead of her. She tried to stop herself from checking out his backside, but the high school sophomore in her won the battle. And just like when they were in high school, this boy – nay – this man had an amazing way of filling out clothing that would otherwise be loose fitting. God, he looked good.

When she looked up, she was glad his back was still to her. For the first time, possibly in her entire life, Paxton didn’t catch her in an embarrassing moment. “So, Mr. Hall-Yoshida, why don’t you take a seat and” –

She was cut off by his soft laughter. “Come here, Devi,” he said, pulling her into a hug. “It’s so good to see you.”

She found herself returning his embrace, and it actually helped her relax a little. “It’s good to see you too, Paxton,” she told him when she pulled away a moment later. “How long has it been?”

His eyes squinted over her shoulder as he thought about her question. “Ben Gross’s Christmas party 2022, right? Eight years?”

Somehow, in that moment, it felt like yesterday. “Yeah, that’s right. The one party at Ben’s that didn’t end with me in the deep end of the pool,” she grinned.

His eyes raked over her for a moment, so intense that she chose to turn away and grab his chart to distract herself. Then he laughed again. “At least sometimes it was on purpose.”

“Yes, not all of us are as graceful in the water as the Paxton H.Y.” she smiled up from his paperwork. “Alright, we could catch up for hours, but we have to get your evaluation done. Tell me what’s going on with your shoulder.”

Paxton smirked, but nodded and did not argue with moving on into the session. He explained his sudden onset of pain during a training session. Sharp pain. He noticed more during strokes or overhead activity. It was difficult to sleep on that shoulder, but otherwise, if he wasn’t using it, he didn’t have pain. Everything Paxton told her confirmed what the orthopedist had diagnosed: shoulder impingement syndrome. Just to cover her bases, Devi confirmed positive results for Neer’s and Hawkins’ tests.  He demonstrated mild weakness in the affected shoulder, and pain seemed to onset just at approximately 100 degrees of flexion.

“Okay, looks like you saw Doctor… Matthews? Did he explain this to you?”

“Not really… he said I’m pinching a muscle in my rotator cuff?”

“Kind of, more like a tendon,” Devi said grabbing a model off the counter. “So, you know how this is a ‘ball and socket’ joint so to speak. Normally, you have full range of motion and the ball rotates in the socket without any pain or stiffness,” she explained demonstrating the normal range of shoulder flexion. “Right now, you have some inflammation in the space between the ball and socket, so whenever you raise your arm above shoulder level, there isn’t enough space for the joint to rotate normally. Because of that, you pinch that tendon, it hurts and causes more inflammation, and then the next time you raise your arm, you’ll pinch the tendon, it’ll hurt and cause inflammation, and so on.”

“So… every time I raise my arm… like on every stroke, I make it worse?” he asked, his forehead furrowing.

“Not really, but you’re not making it any better. Every time you raise your arm above shoulder level, you’re basically reinjuring it. Don’t worry though, we can fix it.”

“Dr. Matthews didn’t think I would need surgery.”

“Oh, god no, and I would never do surgery. A – out of my scope of practice, B – can you imagine me with a scalpel and a living, breathing person? Bad idea.”

She smiled when he started laughing. This was Devi’s favorite part of her job. She had many A list clients walk into her office, and there was always a level of fear that they wouldn’t be able to reach 100% again. Sometimes, it was true. Devi liked being able to alleviate that fear and make people as comfortable as possible though. Paxton was no different. He’s just another client, she told herself, and continued in her explanation.

“See the reason it keeps happening is because you’re not giving the inflammation a chance to go down. Between swimming, lifting, and day to day activities, your arm goes over your head a lot. First thing we have to do is, limit that.”

“So, I can’t swim?”

“Not unless you can do it with your left arm by your side,” her head tilted in sympathy. “It’s not forever though. I want you to keep your arm below 90 degrees of flexion – below shoulder level for four weeks and I want you to complete these exercises every day, two to three times per day,” she pulled her pre-assembled shoulder impingement program out of a binder. “I want you here twice a week and we’ll follow up on your progress.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “If you seem like you need more attention, then we’ll add a session weekly. Honestly, Paxton, this is a really common injury, especially for swimmers. It’s known as ‘swimmer’s shoulder.’ You’ll be back in the pool in plenty of time to qualify for 2032.”

He smiled warmly at her, and she could see his stress deflating. “Thanks, that is really good news.” He stood from his seat and advanced toward her before catching himself, “Can I hug you again?”

She grinned. “As long as you keep your arm below 90 degrees.”

She saw a spark in his eyes as he thought of a retort, but his expression changed to his easy smirk and he nodded. “Deal. Thanks, Devi,” he said as he pulled her into him.

“So, we’re done, and I can go?” he seemed nervous.

“Yeah, I have another patient in,” she glanced at her watch, “thirty minutes? Wow, I thought this was a quick one.”

“What time do you get off?”

“My last appointment is from 4:00 to 4:45 this afternoon.”

“Let’s get dinner tonight. Are you busy?”

Was he asking her on a date? No, just as friends to reconnect. Still, she had to keep things professional. Dot the T’s, cross the I’s – “What?” Nailed it.

He exhaled in a gentle laugh, his right arm reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. “I, umm, I asked you to have dinner with me.”

“Like a date?”

He stared at the floor, another laugh escaping him. “Yeah, Devi, like a date.”

To be honest, she was a little angry with him for this. “Paxton, I can’t.”

“Devi, come on. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. It doesn’t even have to be a date! Just two friends, catching up.”

She opened the door, attempting to usher him out. “That would be hugely unethical, Paxton. If you wanted to ask me out, you shouldn’t have handpicked me to be your therapist. I can’t date one of my clients.”

He opened his mouth to argue, but then closed it again with a nod. “You’re right, I’m sorry, Dr. Vishwakumar. I didn’t mean to offend you. Thanks for all your help today. I’ll see you next week,” he told her. It would have seemed respectful or sincere if he hadn’t smirked the whole time. He was already at the front desk, presumably scheduling his next appointment when Devi reached her desk. He turned, his eyes settling on her immediately. “Oh and, Dr. Vishwakumar, you look good in that color,” he said with a smile that made her knees weak.

“Devi, he was flirting with you!” Hannah rushed to her side once he was gone.

“Lucky me,” she grimaced, pulling her phone from her desk drawer.

*We’re getting drinks tonight.. Actually we’re going out. Get hot.*

***

“So why are we going out tonight?” Fabiola asked, pouring shots of tequila in her kitchenette.

Fabiola had a cozy apartment in Koreatown. After receiving her degree in mechanical engineering from UC Berkeley, she received an entry-level job at Aldrin Corp. Within a few years, and some well-timed retirements, Fabiola was promoted to Senior Project Engineer. It was a job that was made for her. She often said she felt she was more hands on than previous SPE’s she’d worked for, but it also gained her the respect of her subordinates and made meeting deadlines that much easier. Her salary allowed her to not only afford this apartment near downtown LA, but to keep saving. Devi thought even with Eleanor climbing the ranks in her own field, Fabiola would be the first to have a suburban home like they’d all grown up in. For now though, she’d have the apartment closest to the clubs, and would be their pre-game hub.

“Yeah, you’re lucky you picked tonight. I had an early table read this morning, but I don’t have to be on set again until Sunday,” Eleanor agreed, touching up her eyeshadow.

“You will not believe who walked into my office today,” Devi groaned, leaving the bathroom to meet Fabiola at the counter. She swiped a shot off the counter and downed it with a wince.

“What about the salt and lime?” her friend asked in outrage. “I cut fresh lime for you!”

Devi grabbed a wedge and bit the flesh out and Fabiola nodded curtly. “I’ll use the salt for the next one.”

“So, who was it?” Eleanor asked, gliding out of the bathroom to join them. “Was it Sebastian? I know he’s almost 50, but I don’t know how you didn’t go home with him at the last premier party.”

Eleanor was a successful actress. She wasn’t a leading lady yet. She was gaining a lot of clout though. Enough clout to be at premier parties with Sebastian Stan… and Amandla Stenberg… and Tom Holland. Her phone was full of A-list stars and she was not legally obligated to keep her mouth shut about any time she spent with them. She very thoughtfully brought Devi and Fabiola to her premier parties as her guests, and that meant that they met a lot of A-list stars too.

“It was not Sebastian Stan,” Devi rolled her eyes, “and I’ll remind you, he texted you the next day asking you to thank me for calling his driver to come get him, remember? He was plastered and did not need to wake up with a stranger in bed with him.”

“Yeah, he’s really shy and private about his personal life. That fruit basket he sent you was intense.”

“Hello, losing focus,” Fabiola redirected while refilling Devi’s shot glass. “Who came in today?”

Devi groaned as she remembered her obligation to patient privacy. “I can’t tell you. Stupid HIPAA. What I can tell you is, he asked me out at the end of the session.” Eleanor and Fabiola grinned at each other before turning their grins on Devi. “What?”

“You wanted to say yes!” they said in unison.

“What? No, I didn’t. I’m dreading seeing this guy again next week.”

“No, you’re not! You’ve told us tons of stories of your patients flirting with you and your coworkers. Never once has it prickled you to the point of wanting to go get hammered in a nightclub.”

“Fabiola’s right! You’re fantasizing about getting with this guy in the exam room like on Grey’s. God, will that show ever not be relevant?”

“The point is the reason this has you tweaking is because you know you can’t do it.”

“Shut up, you guys suck.” Devi said, preparing a salt strip on her wrist for another shot.

“So, give him to another therapist so he isn’t your patient.”

“I tried before he even walked in, but Makayla said he asked for me specifically. She said something about how he knew another satisfied client.”

“Why is your job so sexual?” Eleanor laughed to which Devi glared. “Sorry, I’m sure all of your clients are satisfied.”

“You’re the worst,” Devi laughed, grabbing a lime wedge and thrusting the saltshaker into Fabiola’s hand. “Now are we pre-gaming or what?”

After more than enough shots resulted in finishing off the bottle in record time, Eleanor called for a car. The girls piled in, giggling a lot more than they had been a half hour prior. Fabiola insisted on controlling the music, though no one argued. Fab had an excellent knack for reading the energy and picking the perfect soundtrack. At least normally. This time, what she thought to be a great throwback jam, took Devi back eight years to a time that would only increase her anxiety to think about.  2022, Ben Gross’s Christmas Party.

***

“Coyote girl!”

“Hey, Trent,” Devi smiled meeting him and Paxton by the punch bowl. “You didn’t dip your balls in this again, did you?”

“Come on, Devi, I’m in college now. Would I do that?”

She looked between Trent and Paxton: Trent attempting to look way too innocent, Paxton analyzing him just as much as Devi. Suddenly, he turned to Devi. “You know what? I brought a bottle of Jack. It’s in the fridge. I’ll share with you.”

Devi smiled in gratitude as Paxton led her inside. “So, you’re drinking?”

He smiled. “We get a break from meets during Christmas break, so I figure once or twice won’t hurt.”

“David!” she heard as soon as she and Paxton entered the kitchen. The moment they started dating, Devi told Ben that the ‘nickname’ bothered her. He almost never used it anymore, but he was obviously drunk. “Wait, no sorry. Devi!”

“What’s up, man?” Paxton fist bumped Ben. “I don’t trust Trent, so Devi is drinking my stuff. Cool?”

“Cool, man, and thanks for the heads up. If you don’t trust Trent, I don’t trust Trent.”

Ben and Paxton had reached a relationship of friendly acquaintances by the time Paxton graduated. It had been a necessity when Ben tutored Paxton in order to meet the requirements for his swim scholarship to Stanford. At the time, it brought Devi mixed feelings. Being a few years removed from the drama of her sophomore year, it was nice they could all just hangout without it being weird.

“So, Ben, I gotta know. Why are you having a Christmas party?” Devi asked. “You don’t celebrate Christmas.”

“True, but you can’t throw a party over winter break without accepting that people are going to call it a Christmas party, and expecting half the guests to wear ugly sweaters whether it’s required or not,” Ben explained, only slightly tripping over his words. “I just steer into the skid.”

Devi and Paxton grinned at him before laughing. “Hey, whatever. It’s a dope party, and you guys are just too sober to appreciate it,” he accused good-naturedly, pulling a bottle of Jack Daniels out of the refrigerator. “Get moving and come find me when you’re on this level. Unless I’m with Emma, then come back later.”

“Emma?”

“His girlfriend. She’s wicked smart, and she even convinced his parents to be at parents’ weekend. They’ll probably get married,” Devi told him as Ben went back outside.

“I’m sorry, do you go to school in New Jersey or Boston?” he teased.

“What?”

“You’re turning into a New Englander, Vishwakumar,” he told her, taking a pull of the Jack. He stepped in close enough to her that she could feel the heat radiating off him.

“I am not,” she laughed taking the bottle from him and taking a pull of her own. She coughed a little as it went down causing him to smirk. “I don’t usually drink whiskey.”

“Here,” he turned to the fridge and grabbed a soda. “Chase with coke, it helps.”

Just as she went to open the can, a group of people came in, immediately crowding them because they were going to use the island for a game of quarters. At least, that’s what she was able to glean from the drunken shouts of her old classmates. She felt an arm wind around her waist and looked up at Paxton – her chest practically pressed against his.

“Hey, you want to catch up to get drunk or catch up with a friend?” he leaned down to speak in her ear.

“How about both?” she smiled, grabbing the bottle of Jack and slipping through the crowd with Paxton close behind.

“Devi, come on! Catch up!” she came back to reality to have Eleanor thrusting one of the mini fireball bottles she’d shoved in her purse into Devi’s hand.

“I hate fireball,” she groaned.

“Fireball!” her friends shouted, and they all downed a bottle.

“Ladies, we’re here.”

“Okay, okay, one more for the club,” Devi insisted.

With a cheer, all three girls shot another small bottle of fireball. After tipping the driver, Eleanor led them past the line and walked straight up to the bouncer.

“Ladies,” the man smiled. “You on the list?”

“Eleanor Wong,” she stated her name with a flutter of her eyelashes.

He was silent as he skimmed his clipboard. “I don’t see it…” he trailed off, looking up at Eleanor, “but hey, aren’t you in that new spy thriller with Michael B. Jordan?”

Her eyes lit up, “Yes! Shot for Death! Tom keeps saying I’ll get used to being recognized, but it’s such a rush! Oh, here he is now,” she held a finger up to the stout but muscular man as she answered a phone call. “Hello darling,” she said with a flourish. “We’re outside, but he says I’m not on the list. Could you?”

Within seconds, Tom Holland popped his head out the door. “Mal, they’re with me. They’re under my name.”

“My apologies, ladies. Head on in, and I can’t wait to see you on the big screen again, Ms. Wong.”

“Thank you!” she blew him a kiss as the girls hurried inside.

Tom and Eleanor greeted each other with a hug as Devi and Fabiola wandered over to the bar. When Eleanor first made friends with some prominent stars, Devi was star struck regularly. As she got more into her career, and treated more and more celebrities, she began to get used to being in their presence.

“Drinks or shots?” Fabiola shouted over the music.

“Shot for me and then I’m going to dance.”

“Yes, girl!” Fabiola pounded the bar, gaining the attention of one of the bartenders. “Can we get three B-52s?”

“Make it four and put it on my tab,” a man’s voice called from beside Devi. Her initial thought was that Eleanor and Tom had caught up to them, but it clicked almost immediately that the accent was distinctly American. And then it clicked again that she would recognize that voice anywhere.

“What are you doing here?” she wheeled around on him.

“I’m out with some friends. What are you doing here, doctor? Are you following me?”

“Paxton?” Fabiola caught his eye past Devi.

“Hey, Fabiola,” he grinned. “Good to see you!”

“Same,” she smiled back. “I didn’t know you were in town?”

“Yeah, I’m home for some physical therapy,” he shouted gesturing to his shoulder.

It took Fabiola exactly no time to connect the dots, and Devi could feel it. Instead of looking at either of her current companions, she accepted the shots from the bartender with as much gratitude as she could muster. Devi carefully pushed a shot to her left and then to her right, clutching the remaining shots tightly.

“I’ll go give Eleanor hers.”

“Nope,” Fab cut off her escape and plucked the extra shot out of her hand. “I’ll do that. You take yours and go dance!”

“Oh, I’ll cheers to that,” Paxton said, leaning forward so she could hear him. “Come dance with me.”

Maybe it was alcohol from their successful pregaming clouding her judgment, or maybe it was the way she could lose herself in Paxton’s gaze just as easily as when she was fifteen years old, but Devi couldn’t stop herself from nodding and clinking her glass against his as they downed the shots in unison. He smirked at her, grasping her hand gently and leading her to the dancefloor.

It was crowded already, but so many of the people here loved that paparazzi never got in, and they could cut loose. Devi loved that atmosphere. Under the flashing lights, music pumping so loud you can’t hear anything else, dancing with friends, or a guy she would be way too nervous to talk to otherwise – it all just made her feel alive.  She felt that same adrenaline as Paxton kept his left hand firmly on her hip but did not pull her into him. Instead, he left just enough space between them for things to be innocent.

As the beat dropped on a new mix, Devi felt Paxton’s hand like an anchor. They locked eyes for a moment, and she swore she could feel the energy crackling between them. The corner of his mouth quirked up, gaze never leaving hers. This man asked her on a date that morning. The man she’d so desperately wanted as a teenager – the man that she nearly idolized and seemed so unattainable in her youth was the same man in front of her, the one looking at her like pure sex. The thought had a laugh bubbling up in her that she couldn’t stop. Full belly laughter overtook her as she bounced and swayed to the music and just lost herself.

She wasn’t sure how much time past, but at some point, Eleanor and Fabiola joined them. The music had shifted from EDM to a mix of the most beloved hip hop music from ten to fifteen years ago. As intended, that shift had more people pouring onto the dancefloor, and having any space to breathe was impossible. To Devi, it was perfect. The beat was pulsing so loud, it felt like her own heartbeat, and the familiar music was lending to everyone’s closet-love for karaoke as people around her belted the lyrics. Then she felt two hands at her hips pulling her slightly backwards to dance against a man’s chest. Normally, she didn’t mind dancing with strangers. As long as they didn’t get too handsy, she didn’t even mind the approach this guy took. Tonight, things felt different. Her eyes flew open, and immediately met Paxton’s. His look was calculating. He wasn’t going to stop her if this was what she wanted.

The thought brought an easy grin to her face as she reached a hand out toward him. His lips twitched into a crooked grin, but he met her hand and spun her into him. In that moment, time stood still. Devi didn’t notice who had approached her before Paxton’s rescue. She wasn’t sure if Fabiola and Eleanor were still on the floor with them. All she knew was that her back was pressed against Paxton’s chest, and it felt like she belonged there. They swayed to the music together, and she felt his left hand rest on her hip again. His other hand swept the hair off her right shoulder, and she felt him press tighter against her.

“What do you want from me, Devi?” he asked, his breath hot on her neck.

“You’re not dating anyone?” she asked disbelievingly. “Not at all, not even one-night stands?”

They were sitting in Ben’s theater room on the floor passing the significantly less full bottle of Jack between them. It was nice. It was easy. The awkwardness of what happened in high school long behind them.

“Hey, I have never had a one-night stand,” he pointed at her. “Have you?”

“Well, no, but I’m me and you’re you,” she laughed.

“What does that mean?” his eyes narrowed at her good-naturedly as he took another pull from the bottle of Jack and passed it back to her.

“I just mean, one of us probably has people lining up to sleep with them, and the other one is me,” she shrugged.

“Why would you even say that? Have you looked in a mirror?”

“Come on, stop, I didn’t mean” –

“I’m serious, Devi. You are a very weird girl, like that’s your brand, but it’s hot. You’re hot. If you really think guys aren’t interested in you, you’re not paying attention.”

“Stop,” she waved him off, cheeks burning hot red. “You don’t have to do that.”

He was scooting closer to her until their thighs were touching, and his gaze was searching hers looking for any hesitation. “I know. I don’t have to do anything. You know what I want to do?”

Her skin tingled under his stare, and she shook her head ‘no.’ Her stomach somersaulted when he reached a hand up to cradle her jaw. “I want show you how beautiful you are.”

Devi turned in his embrace, draping her hands around his neck. Paxton’s head immediately fell to the crook of her neck, and she played with the hair at the nape of his neck as she leaned into his ear. “I want you to show me how beautiful I am.”

His head snapped up and he pulled back to look her in the eye. His jaw had gone slack, and he was looking at her with such curiosity that it made her second guess herself. Maybe he wasn’t interested after all. Maybe he’d just been swept up in not seeing her after so long that morning. Maybe he just wanted to see if he could still get her to fall at his feet. Maybe this was just a game to him. She started to unwind her arms from him to escape her embarrassment when he pressed one of her arms down to stay in place around him. His other hand was firmly pressed against the small of her back.

“Let’s get a drink,” he suggested, waiting for her confirmation. When she nodded, he took her hand off his shoulder, pressed a kiss against the back, and led her from the dancefloor back to the bar.

“What are you drinking?”

“Whiskey sour,” she told him.

“Thought you didn’t drink whiskey?” he grinned.

“Things change.”

When their drinks were made, he nodded to a staircase, and she set off toward it with him close behind. The upper room was a quieter atmosphere. Tables and chairs, booths, a pool table – it was a great offset from the chaos downstairs. He placed their drinks down on a booth, and she slid into one side expecting him to slide in opposite her. Instead, he slid in next to her.

“Paxton, look I’m sorry if I misread things, I just” –

He placed a hand on her knee. “No, don’t do that. You didn’t misread anything. Just tell me why you said that exactly?”

***

Devi woke to the feeling of a hammer slamming against her skull. She could feel the sunlight piercing through her eyelids, making her roll over and press her face harder against her pillow. She heard a toilet flush, and that prompted her to inspect her surroundings a bit more closely. Blearily, she moved to a sitting position as the faucet in the bathroom ran. It was her apartment, that much she could tell. Maybe Eleanor and Fabiola decided to come back here? Fabiola lived closest to the club. That was why they pre-gamed at her place. Why would they come back to her place? Was she the only one coherent enough to call for a ride? With the way she felt this morning, that was unlikely. No, so who was using her bathroom and whistling as they walked down the hallway?

She grabbed her phone off the nightstand and unplugged it from the charger. She had a few unread messages in her group text with her friends.

*Let us know when you wake up this morning, we want to hear all the dirty details!*

*Also, avocado is a great hangover food!*

The dirty details? What did Devi do? So much of the previous night was a blur. At least she has clothes on – one of her dad’s old t-shirts and a pair of pajama shorts. That had a to be sign that she didn’t do anything too stupid. So, who was out there?

Only one way to find out, she thought, hoisting herself out of bed. She stepped out of her bedroom, and immediately smelled eggs. Devi padded down the hallway to the kitchen, and there was a steaming cast iron skillet sitting on a hot pad at the breakfast bar. No one was in the kitchen though.

“Hey, you’re up!” a voice cheered from behind her. Devi whirled around to the living room, to see Paxton on her couch carefully stretching one arm over the other shoulder.

“Jesus! Paxton, what are you doing?”

He tilted his head at her with a quizzical look. “I’m doing my shoulder exercises. You’re the one that assigned them.”

“Not that!” she couldn’t help but holler at him. “What are you doing in my apartment?”

He opened his mouth to respond, but then closed it again. His arms fell to his sides. “You actually demanded that I come here.”

“What?” her eyes went wide as she did her best to recall the events of last night. “Did we…?”

He started laughing as he stepped past her and behind the breakfast bar. “I knew you were too drunk to remember. No, we did not have sex. You were mad at me for that last night by the way.”

“No…” she trailed off taking a seat at the breakfast bar.

“Oh yeah, I told you I was going to take the couch, and you said you’d been waiting like ten years to see whether or not I stuff my swim briefs,” he smirked. “I don’t, in case you’re still wondering.”

“Oh my god,” this new information and the headache still throbbing against her skull was enough to make her vomit. Instead, she just dropped her head to the counter, the pressure soothing against her forehead.

“Come on, it’s not that bad. It was cute… in a very Devi way,” he brushed her arm gently. “Sit up, you need to eat.”

She shifted her head slightly to meet his eye. “I yelled at you for not showing me your dick, and you stayed the night and made me breakfast.”

“Yeah, I had to make sure you were okay,” his eyes warmed to hers. “Now, sit up and eat.”

She obeyed and smiled when he pushed a loaded plate toward her. “This looks awesome.”

“Yeah, I had to work with what you had, but I call it a southwest sweet potato hash,” he told her proudly. After loading up his own plate, he came around the breakfast bar to sit next to her.

“So, anything else I should know about last night?”

“Well,” he paused to swallow a bite of food, “what’s the last thing you remember?”

She thought about the events of the previous night, as Paxton hopped up again.His energized movements distracting her, she asked, “Are you not hungover at all?”

“Based on what you told me, I had a lot less to drink last night than you did, so no, I’m not,” she heard him reply. She was staring at her plate because too much movement made her nauseated.

“You didn’t happen to make” –

“Coffee,” he cut her off happily, placing the mug in front of her, “and here’s some Tylenol. I was looking for blowfish or something but doesn’t look like you have any.”

She gratefully took the little pills from him and threw them back with a swig of coffee. “I used to. I stopped getting hungover for a while too.”

“Why’d you go so hard last night?”

“I think you know why,” she said with a glare.

He pursed his lips in a pout before choosing to ignore her implication and coming back to sit with her with his own cup of coffee. “So, what do you remember from last night?”

“I remember dancing with you on the dance floor.”

“Anyone else? Eleanor, Fab, some dude that I’m pretty sure was Lucas Hedges?”

“Okay, yeah. Some guy started dancing on me, and I wanted to dance with you instead,” she replied casually, continuing her breakfast.

“Nothing else? You don’t remember going to the upper room to talk about what happened at Ben’s party?”

“We talked about Ben’s party?”

“Well, yeah, funny thing is, I didn’t remember that,” he told her with a nostalgic grin. “Like I remembered it, but I thought I dreamt some of it.”

“What? Like what?”

“Well you were gone when I woke up, and never said anything about it so I thought…”

“You thought you dreamt making out with me?”

“Well, see so that’s all we did? It’s hard, because when I’ve dreamt about it since then…” he trailed off, the tips of his ears turning pink at his own admission.

“You’ve dreamt about it since then?”

“Not like a ton… it’s not like I’ve dreamt about you every night for the last eight years, that would be kinda creepy probably. Just any time something reminds me of you, it seems to come up… high school, something about Gross in the news… seeing you on social media… it’s not that weird.”

“Paxton…”

“I mean, whatever, I know I’m going to dream about last night for a long time,” he winked. She didn’t understand how he could have so little shame. Then she remembered she had enough to go around. “You made it your mission to remind me of every dirty detail of that night at Ben’s.”

“We made out last night?”

“We started to, yeah. Instead of getting hot and heavy, you ran off to the bathroom, and I found you with your head in a urinal. That’s when it was time to go home.”

“And that’s what you’re going to dream about?” she scoffed.

“No, I’m going to dream about you pawing at my zipper yelling about pringle cans.” He settled into a close-lipped smile, but it didn’t hide the mirth in his eyes.

“Oh my god,” Devi groaned, slipping off her stool to flop over onto the couch.

She could hear Paxton laughing. Soon, he was settled on the couch with her. She turned her body just enough to catch his eye, and he patted his lap. She rolled her eyes but stretched out so her head was on his thigh and she was looking up at him. His features were soft, gentle, caring.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed,” he told her softly, one hand carding through her hair. “I don’t mind when you act like you like me.”

“I’m not acting,” her eyes fell shut, feeling his fingers stroke her scalp could lull her to sleep.

“Yeah?”

She hummed an affirmative. She was pretty sure if he kept scratching her head like that, she’d say yes to anything. And of course, she liked him. She was never able to truly deny that fact. Even when she’d had boyfriends, she’d be lying if Paxton wasn’t always lingering in the back of her mind. How could he not be? His appearance was god-like. He was beyond hiding behind words – if she was honest, that was her favorite part – he wasn’t afraid to be real with her. And he never gave up on her. As rocky as their friendship had started, as often as they lost touch, here he was telling her, he still thought about her.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she almost whispered.

“Me too.”

She felt his hand trace the edge of her face, and couldn’t stop herself from leaning into his touch, and pressing a kiss to his palm. Somehow, it was comfortable, intimate. She felt like she was born to be here. The same thought she had eight years ago came back to the forefront of her mind: It’s always been Paxton. At that realization, her eyes popped open. He’d leaned his head back, eyes closed; he looked as close to dozing off as she felt moments ago. His lips formed a peaceful grin, just slightly curved upwards, and his two small moles pinning opposite corners of his mouth were barely shadowed by the growth of his facial hair overnight. His long eyelashes curled naturally in a way, Devi thought, women would kill for. She always knew he was hot, but she never really took the time to notice how beautiful he was.

Before she could stop herself, before she could think twice, Devi leaned up and pressed her lips to his. And time stood still. Just as she was going to pull away again, his hand found hold in her hair, and his lips moved over hers with fervor. She wasn’t sure who opened to the other first, but in a flash their tongues were dueling for dominance. Instead of admitting defeat, Devi pulled his bottom lip between her teeth and bit down. He, honest to god, whimpered in response. She smiled against mouth before he swallowed her smile with one, two, and then three slow languid kisses. He pulled away, pressed her to his chest that she could feel was heaving. When she looked up to meet his eye, they were closed again, but he wore the most breathtaking smile she’d ever seen.

“Mm... I want to take my time with you,” he told her, pressing another kiss to her lips. She blushed at his implication. “God, I am not going to forget this any time soon.”

“Mood, my guy. Big mood,” she agreed, sitting up next to him.

He turned so he was halfway facing her, and his left hand took refuge on her thigh. “Can I ask you something?” he asked, waiting for her nod before continuing. “Okay, I don’t want to pop this, like, bubble we’re in right now, but… what does this mean going forward?”

“Paxton…” her eyes softened. She knew what she wanted, but with her job, how could she…

“Devi, listen. I know it’s my fault that you’re my therapist. I know that I made this difficult, but I really just wanted to see you, and now? I know one thing for sure, I really don’t want to wait another eight years to kiss you again.” he sighed, and repositioned again so he was fully facing her, clasping her hands in his. “I’ll wait for four weeks if it’ll make you happy. I’ll be your dirty little secret if that’s what you want. Just don’t turn me down. Let me take you to dinner, bring you flowers, make you soup when you’re sick. Give me a chance to sweep you off your feet.”

“Honestly, I’m stuck on ‘dirty little secret.’”

He smirked. “Lingering looks… shirtless assessments… secret dates… secret hookups,” he told her sensually, pausing between each suggestion to press a kiss first to her lips, then the corner of her mouth, her jaw, and finally ended by sucking her earlobe into his mouth and dragging his teeth over it. She shuddered under him, and felt him smile against her neck. “Do you like that idea?”

“Oh, fuck yeah.”

[majestical]

can you go into any detail about why never have i ever isn't good? i really wanted to watch it, but if it's trash i don't wanna bother. thank you!!

alright I sat on this for a few hours so I could finish the rest of the show and write this in the morning and now it is morning. also there are going to be quite a few spoilers in here so just...do what you will with that knowledge i guess. also, if you still want to watch the show, I’m not gonna stop you. I binged the entire season yesterday and I have final exams next week. warning: this is super long.

ngl I was planning on just deleting the post you’re referring to, because at that point I had only watched half the season but I already saw a lot of things I didn't like: an Indian character who seemed a little ashamed of her heritage, too many pr*yanka ch*pra references, some strange and unnecessary ableism (i mean, all ableism is unnecessary but this particularly so), bad stereotypical Indian accents, the main character thirsting over white/white passing boys (this is Mindy's show, can you expect anything different?), and a disgusting amount of fatphobia (there is one fat character who is Devi’s age and his only personality traits are eating and making a fool of himself). 

the show also conflates indian and hindu a few too many times, even though there is a self-aware quip about it. and there’s a joke thrown in about m*di that *i guess* is supposed to show that this family at the least knows who the prime minister of india is? but with india’s current political situation and the knowledge of the atrocities committed by m*di I really did not like that a reference to him was thrown in there. I suppose it is an example of how the desi diaspora (particularly upper-caste, upper middle class Indians) are quite disconnected from the homeland, but like...does Mindy not watch the news? m*di literally committed genocide.

there’s also a lot of antisemitism. Devi’s academic rival, Ben, is introduced like a walking Jewish stereotype: just check out this post because op says it better than I could. there’s also a joke where Devi says out loud that she wishes Ben was killed by N*zis. I honestly don’t even know how that made it into the show and none of the context surrounding the joke is funny.

okay on to my personal qualms with the show. I wasn’t a fan of either of the love interests. neither of them really respected Devi as much as I would have liked, and personally, I found it tiring to see women/girls of color chase after men/boys who can’t reciprocate in the same way. I didn’t love how paxton (the cool jock love interest) kept leading Devi on and would then act aloof and I honestly would have preferred if Devi and ben hadn’t kissed, because I just prefer their frenemy dynamic over some potential romantic one. i also just could not relate to Devi at all...I was just too repressed in high school to relate to anything Devi does. she’s also just super unlikeable in the first eight episodes, but she kind of grew on me in the last two. I saw a comparison made between Devi coping with her grief with hypersexuality and the coping mechanisms used by the main character on Fleabag, which kind of made sense to me, even though they are pretty different shows otherwise. and she does get some comeuppance for her actions towards the end. even then, devi never really confronts her trauma directly, especially her paralysis, and her actions are excused too many times for comfort.

a lot of the storyline depended on teen romcom cliches, and were sort of excused because the main characters are poc. i wish this trend didn’t happen so often, especially when it comes to mainstream stories of young women and girls of color. i was also surprised that this show doesn’t really give much screentime to other indian kids that Devi might interact with. that would have been a much more three-dimensional approach to a show like this, but i also think this had to be sacrificed to keep up with the teen romcom aspect of the show. i was also not a fan of the will-schuester-wannabe history teacher. 

BUT (if you have been reading this much I sincerely applaud you) there were a few things I did like about the show. I loved Devi’s friends and honestly if I had her friends in tenth grade I would never ditch them for some boy. when I was a high school sophomore, I was closeted, had a musical theatre obsession, and ate dosas for dinner so I felt like a mix of all three of the girls. in fact, I found eleanor’s and fabiola’s storyline to be a lot more compelling that Devi’s at times. i even really enjoyed ben’s arc (and loved the andy samberg narration in his episode, especially because he pronounced Devi’s name with the soft “dh” sound...absolutely wonderful!). i thought fabiola’s coming-out scene was sweet (even though it was very textbook) and i thought eleanor being dramatic was very funny. 

in my opinion, the last two episodes were the best. we really got to dig deeper into Devi’s relationship with her mother and it was eerily reminiscent of my own. she gets told that she has to move to india because family is there, so she naturally fights with her mom and storms off. that literally happened to me (minus the running away part...I actually did end up moving to India in the middle of high school), and other moments like those just hit close to home and made me want to finish the show. i personally didn’t relate to the whole “am I indian or not Indian enough” struggle until I started living in india, but my indian friends who did go to high school in america were all too sympathetic to this struggle. 

so overall, there are some bad things and some good things about this show. if you relate to the premise of the show at all, you may like it more than I did, but if you were raised in india (which is the demographic that most of the criticism is coming from) or generally enjoy good writing, you probably won’t like this as much. i do hope that this show helps pave the way for some representation that brings more nuance to indian-american identity, and different types of indian-american identities (working-class, immigrants who aren’t upper-caste, people who have been living in the states for several generations, LGBT people, indian muslims/christians/sikhs/etc) without unnecessarily bringing down other minorities. and once again, i am really happy that a girl named maitreyi ramakrishnan is getting famous and NOT anglicizing her name. 

i hope this response was good and if you do decide to watch, let me know how you like it!

[cupcakesandtv]

2 and 5 from the ask game!

2. What is your favorite snippet of dialogue? oh man. there’s an exchange in one of my jopper fics,  This Mess of Moments, that i just really really really think about all the time like wow that was peak and will i ever get that good at like a dramatic line???? “Remember how you said that he doesn’t know where to stab to make you bleed the most?”

She did remember. Another time where they'd both come out swinging at each other instead of the forces that knocked them down.

“It’s not true. You’re just fighting so hard you don’t even feel it. You’re bleeding all over the place.”

and then on like funny bits, I really loved in the Never Have I Ever Fought Off a Robot Army  “Can’t believe I was just assaulted by the hot plate from a Tasty video.” Then he met Gears’ Brosnan’s eyes. “Dude, that guy touched your ass!” “It’s a robot, Paxton.” 

“Yeah, and he should know better than to touch people without asking!” “Are you defending my honor from a robot?” Devi asked, tilting her head, amused. “I’m just saying. There seem to be a lot of technical difficulties in this robot club and BB-8 needs to watch it.” 

Deeply upset no one specifically mentioned the hot plate from a tasty video video joke

5. What’s your favorite headcanon you use in fics?

Hmmmm, Paxton is never getting those sweats back he let Devi borrow. Also never miss a chance to talk about sex positive feminist mom Mrs. Hall-Yoshida.

Ask me a question from this fanfic day meme list 

[l0std1adem]

Never Have I Ever

Mindy Kaling what the heck

My biggest complaint with this show is that it’s just creepy. Like Big Mouth creepy. Yikes. 

Let’s talk about Devi

I hate her

She’s a disgrace to her own culture to put it mildly

She’s extremely annoying and some of the worst ABCD representation I’ve ever seen

I hate her friends, they’re CREEPS (especially Fabiola)

Her entire personality is based around hating being Indian and wanting to have sex with a hot guy

Let’s talk about Kamala

I love her

She’s actually really realistic and good representation

She’s so sweet

I have a cousin that’s actually exactly like her

She’s the only one in the family who acts even remotely Indian adjacent tbh

I don’t think Mindy Kaling is Hindu and it actually shows. The priorities are wack and Devi is praying like a Christian would to Hindu gods. Ganesh Puja is also probably meant to be Ganeshchathurthi and like, why portray it like that? If you want to do a one-day puja you have many options, but they just went for one that doesn’t really exist. Also the way that Devi described the festival to the dude she’s horny for? Disgraceful. (Like I understand that she was trying to simplify it for him but she didn’t have to crap all over it)

The show is shoving sex sex sex down your face. In every episode there is at least 5 minutes of sex talk. Maybe I was just raised better but yikes. It’s disgusting. They are FIF-TEEN. Why are she and all of friends obsessed with having sex?? Real teenagers are not like this. pedo shit on the writers’ part tbh

Also the dialogue just absolutely sucks. Like I’ve never heard any teenager talk like this. The writers should take some tips from Outer Banks tbh. Go watch that show instead of this one tbh. 

There are also things that remove me from the getting immersed from the show, like seeing her call her mom “mom” instead of amma, and her hideous outfits that I’m supposed to believe her mom let her out of the house in.

One of the only redeeming qualities of this show is her dad. Amazing, A+. That was one of the best portrayals of Indian fathers I’ve ever seen. I really love my dad and I saw a piece of him in her dad. It was just so. good. 

Also the stuff that the college counselor said was absolutely true. The game’s rigged my guys. 

The other biggest issue that I have with this show is that it’s just a poor, watered down portrayal of ABCD culture so it can be palatable for Americans. The writers assumed that people would be too stupid or whitewashed to realize this is poor representation. Liberals lose their shit because “diversity” and this nonsense gets views.

I’d rather have a show about the dancers during the Ganesh Puja (ugh) and Nagada Sang Dhol?? a Navratri song?? because they’re a much better representation of how 1st gens in the US actually act. To put it bluntly, most don’t act like self-hating whores. 

If you’re going to watch this show for comedy, then I say do it. It’s actually pretty funny when it’s not making you cringe. Don’t watch it for representation, because that’s not what it is. It’s a loose collection of stereotypes and half-truths written by people who think that having sex is the only thing teenagers want.