#also i literally Did try to get a job but bc i cant drive my mom has to drive me to get an application and she didnt do that <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[naturalbornlosers]

my family entirely stripping me of agency my entire life and then getting mad at me for not knowing how to function as an adult is so funny like GIRL ......... you wont even let me choose what college to go to, how do you expect me to know how to get a job

[winemom-culture]

what do you do for work? im child free bc i cant even fathom having the money to take care of one like i can barely take care of myself and my partner with our dual incomes

I’ve worn a couple hats job-wise in my son’s life from cosmetology to childcare to finance to insurance but most recently I’ve landed on the marketing field as a tradeshow & event specialist for my company.

By no means am I paid 6 figs or anything crazy, I’m still clawing out the financial hole of some debts, but I’ve been very blessed to like double my previously abysmal incomes from the other jobs within the last 2ish years through career jumps. The downside is I’m a serial job hopper which can ofc be a bit risky in interviews.

I think I try to mostly be conscious with the money I do get because most his life we did live with my parents on various kinds of assistance so it wasn’t without a struggle and that’s why I do get where you are coming from, totally, this bitch of a country doesn’t make it easy. I literally think programs we were on as recent as like 2019 have been nuked.

The prices of so many things have skyrocketed that even with a relatively reasonable income and presumably my partner who also has a reasonable income there’d still be struggles with another kid in present-day, and I don’t even think we’d need childcare like my son did (again, blessed 2 death my job is also like 90% WFH).

I guess all I can say in my case personally from 17 and pregnant in the trenches to now it seems like in retrospect you just get this drive to always find a way to make it work out for your kid and it’s always been worthwhile even when it’s difficult dog shit, but I’m definitely not naive about the familial support some people don’t have and frankly sometimes dumb luck it took for that to be my case.

Sorry this is a novel now I’m in my feelings missing my kid but best of luck to you and your partner in your endeavors 🙏

[prestonmonterey]

TLT UPDATE!! BEFORE I GO TO BED

(gods im so tired...)

@vincentaureliuslin @tatsumisheep3

no photos today so heres my cat :P

OPENING NIGHT!!! it went super well!!!!! (i think)

it was PA night so the understudys were percy and annabeth and they killed it!!!!!! :DDDD

also my director gave me a compliment today so im in a good mood (it was somethin along the lines of "you finally did a good job as cerberus" but ill take what i can get...) (i still have beef with him but.. whatever....)

its crazy how fast this show is going and that itll all be over after sunday,, but also i am SO tired bc we literally spend more time at school than at home this week :(

also getting a lotta acne bc im not used to wearing this much make up every day :P

but hey at least ill get to rest a teeny bit on the weekend (just in the morning TwT bc we have matinees)

also my parents and some of my friends are comin tomorrow so they BETTER FUCKIN BUY ME CANDY (i really really really want candygrams... one of the stage managers got like 4 boxes of candy i am so jealous...)

also also also we did the legacy robe last night before preview night and my friend (and mother /ij) got it :DDDD very happy for her

um um um i felt like i had more to say but idk this is already a lot and i cant remember things im kinda tired :P

oh i finally got my camper necklace!!! the beads were missing for like a week but they were just on the table in the costuming room... anyway my friend made it for me during tech class bc shes so so sooo sweet <3 (while i was in math trying to force my friend to study... *stares at neeks* /aff) i got four beads that kinda almost make the ace flag!! (black for tech, silver for the fall play, light blue for this show, and purple for my grade)

idk if i explained it before but all of our necklaces represent how much theater we've done,,, bc its kinda like how long we've been at camp. theres a bead for each grade based on our class colors, and the tlt bead, so everyone gets at least 2. theres also beads for each of the past musicals and plays at school, and a black bead if youve done tech, and a white bead if youve done leadership :D some of the seniors have like most of their necklace filled because of how many shows theyve done

heres another cat pic to keep you engaged and reading this /hj

also also also many many thanks to my wonderful actor and tech friends i would not survive without them (especially thanks to tech bc they have to put up with us actors... /hj) its poseidon's actors first show i think and they have a LOT of quick changes so their section of the rack is,,, kind of a mess. also the lamp for the oracle scene has broken multiple times i think already... and i already left my make up bag out yesterday and my watch in the cubbies today TwT we are a hot mess

my graphic design teacher was acting today :D (the farmer in drive is a teacher role, and they switch out every night) and i love him being so absolutely perplexed by the energy circle before show :333

also i remembered to put setting powder on for the first time,,, and... i forgot that my mom is SO much paler than me TwT (i was very washed out...) so ill probably stick to spray for the rest of the week :P

sorry i really am rambling tonight...

ok i will probably hopefully do at least one more update after strike on sunday!! (depending on how tired i am,, i might just curl up on the floor and sleep after the sunday show actually...) unless something goes horribly wrong,,, then ill probably post about it too

good night!! i need to collapse in bed and try to save up enough energy for tomorrows show :3

have a wonderful day/night and remember to hydrate! (or you'll die straight...)

[blossoms-phan]

hiiiii dear mutual! thxgiving has been okay ish, im currently eating food in my sisters room feeling a lil under weather but its okay ^_^ i rewatched what dnp text each other 4 like two ish days ago and it's been on my mind since... they're so silly and i can't WAIT for wdapteo 5!!! we haven't seen a wdapteo with them both being on tour since the original one, and also now they're like loudly gayer. i'm wondering if we'll see behind the scenes of calendar or no but seriously imagine it... etc. i dunno im just rambling but yeah ^_^

all im doing today is im going to finish this food go to my room, play some pokemon stuff while watching another content creator's vod. and then at like 9 pm i'll spend 4 hours in a frenzy writing phanfic again :)

im starting to hope theyll go on tour again in the future bc i do actually want to meet them with every passing day, but i cant believe i got to see them at TIT at all! that's so cool! im also wondering what they're going to do for the holidays? i hope not a full gamingmas that sounds like wayyyy too tiring for them, but! insta stories... maybe dan tags along to another lester thing...

okay that's enough of my yapping i hope that was good o7. HOW ARE YOU!!!!! how has your day been??? what's on your mind???

xo mare astradyke :)

HELLO MY BELOVED MARETUAL <3333 this is the exact kind of ask i wanted tysm for the yap :3 wdapteo 4 was literally my most rewatched video this year according to youtube lmao so it's safe to say i LOVE it, absolutely solid rewatch choice and i also cannot WAIT for wdapteo 5!! they're just suuuch good videos with silly bants/insight into daily dnp shenanigans obviously and i think there will be good tidbits this year maybe with tour planning and stuff?? and it's like the one video we're pretty much guaranteed at this point (i remember last year when i had lost hope we would get it and then we did! with a mention of "next installment") so yeah that is also defo keeping me going rn.

that sounds fun i hope the food is yummy!! i'm excited to see what you're working on, that's a solid fic writing time i also was sat in front of a doc from 9pm to like. 3am last night (that sounds like i was absolutely grinding away but a lot of breaks to curate my playlists and stress so very little actual writing lol) but gonna try again today. i literally go to sleep thinking about them and then dream of them the phannie brainrot goes crazy but it's also fun :3

i feel the same way omg, sometimes it's still sooo hard for me to conceptualize that i actually saw them irl?? this year?? they're real?? didn't get to meet them but would also love to one day, they're so pretty even from a distance. even with all the tit discussions we have on here and seeing so many friends/moots/whoever on here describe their experiences i try not to forget just how grateful i am for still being here in the phandom that i got the opportunity to see such an incredible show, them as their happiest and most open and free selves, it's so cool<33 with the way they've been talking in interviews i have soo much hope about the future, that there's fun stuff coming after the tour too and just. how cool is that!! i honestly hope they just have a relaxing break with their families they deserve it, but yes insta stories would be everything and im still hung up on that story of phil's mum giving dan snowballs while he was editing at their house at christmastime like dan and the lesters is so dear to me <3

i yapped SO much in return omg lmao but im okay! very unexciting non holiday day for me over here lol, went grocery shopping and that's pretty much it. i'm looking for a job rn so the stress of that is kinda always lingering in the back of my mind and it's driving me a liiitle crazy but hopefully something comes up soon! i need a phupload to distract me from the horrors </3

thank you for sharing and enabling me to yap in return friend i hope you have an amazing night!!!!! ^_^ <3333

[back2bluesidex]

Idk if this is something you’d want to read but after reading your post about being lonely, i definitely feel the same way 😅 albeit probably a little different. I dont really have anyone to talk to about this feeling so i thought maybe i’d share this. I just started a seasonal job in retail at 22, ive never had a “real job” because since i was 14 i was considered the “family babysitter” & once i turned 16 i kept applying for jobs so i didnt have to keep babysitting, nothing worked out because i was always met with “you need more experience “ & i kept getting that until i was 20 (when i just gave up & accepted I’ll probably be a babysitter for family/family friends forever 🥲). Ive only really been surrounded by kids & family, my mom took me out of highschool in my 1st year because she hated the public school system & decided to “homeschool” (which was go get my ged at 18), so i never got to experience the highschool life & friends, i was pretty isolated. Aside from getting rejected from jobs constantly, i wasnt able to go to college after either because it was too much money & that “nobody would be at home watching kids”. So ive just constantly felt very alone & whenever i would mention it i was met with things like “dont be selfish. you should be thankful youre not out there in the world, it’s evil” etc etc. Along with the fact i dont know how to drive, i had a huge fear whenever i was 15/16 so i never learned then but when i was 18 i didnt have that anymore & wanted to. I was constantly trying to get people to teach me, but no one would and driving school costs a ton which i didnt have bc no paying job. That added on to that feeling & i kept feeling behind

So fast forward to now at 22, i was finally able to get a seasonal job at victorias secret and nov 4 was my first training day. I still have that feeling & now im just stressed about everything. They immediately put me on cash register & very vaguely explained things to me, so i wasnt the best when trying to check people out & i know in retail you’ll get horrible customers sometimes and that’s literally all i got. I was so overwhelmed & i did accidentally mess up someone’s change (which was fixed!) so i had them screaming at me 2 hours in my first training day. And i cant stop thinking about how inadequate i felt during that & that whole day really. I would get judgmental looks from the other workers when i would ask questions, because ive never done anything like this before. I kept getting looked at like i was stupid for not knowing things & that messed with me (still is). I dont think itll be like that entire time im there, im hoping at least.

And i still dont know how to drive, i tried once this year from my older sister but she started grabbing the wheel when i was trying to drive because she panicked (i was going in a straight line in a empty parking lot) & stated she’s never trying to teach me again. My younger cousins learned how, have their license and new cars already & i hate that i feel jealous and angry about it because it is family, but everyone who helped them constantly told me they couldn’t with me year ago & still now. I get subtle remarks of “your cousins can drive already/youre 22 & relying on others to drive you” etc. (they also all have jobs already & not a seasonal one like me) But yeah, i feel so alone & inadequate at literally everything, have for years. Breakdown all the time because i have no clue on what to do & i have no one to talk to about it.

Rant over, sorry for how long it is, im probably being dramatic too, there are people who have it worse than i do 😅 but yeah, i get that feeling! I do hope you feel better better about it 🫶🏻🤎

Don't say sorry! It's alright. Rather I am glad that you found me and my blog safe enough to share your troubles with.

and let me tell you that you are just 22. You still have a whole lot of time ahead to make money, to learn driving, to make friends, to enjoy life and do everything you want to do.

Don't ever think you are late or that time is slipping away from your clutches! It's not.

I am 25 and I can't even cook. Can you believe it? a 25 year old woman who can't even fry an egg properly while cooking is a basic survival skill? my friends can make a whole feast if they want to and I only know how to boil some instant noodles. At times this made me feel like an inferior too but no, none of us are inferior to one another because what I can't do - you can and what you can't do - I can. we are all lacking and it's okay.

Also, if those people made you feel like a fool just because they didn't train you properly then it's their fault, not yours. when you start working you need to learn one thing that is to make you skin thick. It's only you who needs to know the truth - that it's not your fault - and the rest of the world can go fuck off.

and what if you did some mistakes? we all are allowed to do so. mistakes are the only way we get to learn, isn't it?

So, please, darling. Cheer up! You have a ton of time to buy that car or get that job or tell people to fuck off when they ask you to watch their kids. Things aren't over yet. You are doing good. You will do even better tomorrow and one day you will be the best! I believe in you and I am proud of you!

even though I know we are basically strangers but just know this person right here, an elder sister to you, will always be proud of you no matter what!

if you want to talk, slide into my inbox any time. I will always welcome you!

Love you!! 💕💕💕💕

P.S: You should have charged for those babysitting sessions.

P.S.S: I, too, don't know how to drive. LMAO!

[smileymoth]

Johnny 9, 17 and 28

JOHNNY THE MISTAKE FROM GOD who i havent looked at for years . i haven't thought about him for so long i wonder how he's doing, i actually cant imagine what he would be doing right now. he's like my age. maybe he went to study like. car mechanics in trade school. yeah that fits him. i still think he has like no friends irl beside Ivar. Ivar also has no friends bc he's autistic. Ivar probably didn't even go to uni he just went to work at a factory. like Wendre or some shit. he and Johnny both went to Koidula. or whatever the name for that school would be in the universe. bc Gabriels siblings go there !!!!!! THEY'RE OUR AGE or they're still stuck in that fuckass town till this day. lmao. They both hate how much that city keeps changing every summer now.

I'll answer for both Ivar and Johnny bc they're like a package deal yk. Kinda like us but so much worse bc they actually don't talk to other people and they have like 5 million more issues than we do. Johnny would try to get girls from like tinder but he doesn't click with any of them. Ivar simply doesn't care for dating??? There's no point in it for him. Johnny wants something out of life but he doesn't know what. He's just lost and fixing peoples cars now i guess. he rents an apartment. Ivar still lives with his parents. theyre ok w it :) they rather him gather money for an apartment instead of renting.

9. favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions? if he could he would only eat noodles for the rest of his life. so that's his favourite. i think he would HATE any vegan meals. it's not a real meal to him if there's no meat in it. i think he is very much a picky eater. anything that looks off by like 1mm he will not touch. generally distrustful toward food. hence why he probably starved in middle school bc that canteen was NOT serving good food let me tell you

Ivar probably has ARFID so he has some safe foods and that's about it. Maybe potatoes. In any form. He doesn't care much for meat. He doesn't like the taste. He's just not a fan of food to begin with. Most food disgusts him. He loves gummy candies tho.

17. how did they spend their summers/free time as a child? alone. at Ivar's place. either outside or playing video games on the computer. His only friend was Ivar so yeah. Ivar mostly was inside or doing like odd jobs in the summer. Johnny I guess is the same. He wants money. I don't know what jobs kids work during summer I literally only worked once and it was at a hotel to get money for a cd player T_T

yeah their summers and lives in general arent too eventful. beside when johnny gets stabbed or into fights i guess but

28. how do they show that they care about someone? how do they express that they don't like someone?

Johnny just talks to you. If he likes you he talks to you. He will bring you random gifts. like Rocks or some shit. Sth reminds him of you and he brings it to you. Well, to Ivar. He doesn't like anyone else. If he tells you anything slightly personal he cares about you. He does have some online friends and he just sends them memes and plays games with them. He's cares deeply but he just sucks at showing it. He would yell at people who were mean or weird to Ivar in school bc of his autism. He will stand up for you if he really likes you. Honestly I feel like he's also neurodivergent but like on the other end of the spectrum. Thats why they click so good i guess. LMAO. If Johnny doesn't like someone he's incredibly snappy toward that person. He will ignore them but just being in their vicinity will drive him up the wall so anything they say can result in him telling them to shut up. His temper is SO short its unreal.

Ivar is very shut off in general so what he thinks of people will always be a mystery to many. he will i guess jut ignore you if he doesnt like you?????? kind of off topic but i think like. doing group projects w him would be pretty good because he WILL do his part quickly, he just doesn't want to talk too much, so if you give him exactly what he has to do he will. Anyway. He will send his friends pics he takes. And memes. ofc. :)

Ithink Johnny and Lauri (Gabriels brother) fucking hate each other for no aparent reason i just think its funny. Lauri also thinks Ivar is fucking weird. Oh theres the reason lmao he was mean to Ivar once. Laura (Gabriels younger sister) tries to get close to Ivar but hes soooo not interested. they do become deskmates in some classes i think. She would be nice to him :)

[tfw-no-tennis]

beest warbs s2

andddddd ruth and i finished s2!!

new opening! which is mostly just clips from the s1 finale

ok i guessed that optimus would come back bc like, duh. but i was surprised that he didnt come back like, Instantly 

the new transmetal forms............................ugliy

sorry bhjsdkrhfjkasfk i dont like them....i cant believe im saying it but i prefer the cgi animals from s1 😩 it made sense! it tied into the premise of the show! now theyre just these weird shiny robo-animals...who also can fly and drive around and stuff...nah fam that aint it

cheetor doesnt even have freckles anymore 😭

also as the season went on the whole ‘energon shorts out robot forms, which necessitates beast forms’ thing was kinda quietly dropped, which doesnt make 100% sense since not that many characters got the transmetal forms

the funniest fucking thing is that the s2ep1 summary was literally just ‘terrorsaur and scorponok fucking die’ and THAT WAS IT hjdfksjkfjadfhjlad ruth and i saw that and were like HUH???

and honestly their deaths were so abrupt and unceremonious that i seriously would not have even known they had Legit Died if it hadnt been for that summary. i literally wouldve thought that theyd just end up going in a CR chamber and it wouldve been confusing as hell when they didnt come back lmaooooo

so yeah rip beta cuck and diet diet starscream lite i guess

ok and ep 2 was wild, with dinobot going on ANOTHER Shakespeare soliloquy spree, and then all that western stuff at the end??????

that was so fucking weird and hilarious. wtf 

also have i mentioned...i love dinobot. dramatic gay bitch 

also....new characters! silverbolt and quickstrike are here to quickly replace terrorsaur and scorponok lmaoooo

why does quickstrike have a southern accent when the south doesnt even exist yet as a cultural region

i love how immediately obvious it was that silverbolt was not gonna stay a predacon for long lmao

and then optimus primal returns!! looking wack as FUCK 

hvhakjdfnbskjdf sorry but i dont like his new look at all lmao. he looks weird as hell in both robot mode and “beast” mode, and im not into the whole flying snowboard thing...whats that abt

when dinobot rode around on rattrap vjhsdlfjkashdbhfjk that was so fucking funnyyyy

i cant get over megatrons new form w/the Evil Rollerskates™ thats just. so much lmaooooo but also mood bc if i could i would totally have built-in rollerskates 

did yall know i love tarantulas....that gay mad scientist bitch is hilarious

also i knew ahead of time that silverbolt and blackarachnia have a Thing but it was still soooo Much when they fought and then silverbolt refused to hit her bc shes a girl bsvdkjnfasndf

ruth: OH MY GOD HES A SIMP

ok and the ep where dinobot goes back to the predacons...bro...and everything w/the golden disk too?? that was wild 

ALSO I CANT BELIEVE AIRAZOR AND TIGATRON GOT FUCKING KIDNAPPED??? HELLO????

are they like. coming back? ever????? that was just It for them this season uhhhh so i guess we’ll have to hope they return in s3? omg

also quick shoutout to the infamous japanese dub of beast wars which accidentally made some canon gays by making airazor a dude. great job guys 

ohhhh my god when theres that alien ship thing and megatron is in it and then a big version of his face appears on the side of the ship? horrible

also i feel like beast wars megatron spends half his screentime sitting in various chairs...even when he went into that alien ship he ended up finding a big fancy chair to sit in

so yeah all that alien stuff was WILD. we still know so little abt them so im rlly interested to see if more will come up in s3 (im assuming at least a little since airazor and tigatron have to come back). like, are we gonna learn what theyre trying to do on earth? what they look like? etc?

ok silverbolt is always talking abt how blackarachnia is a good maximal on the inside and she just needs to embrace it etcetc, to me it feels like he’s a religious guy whos trying to get the girl he likes to accept jesus into her heart so they can be together hbvhajkdhbfhjksd sorry 

also silverbolt is hilarious. he’s like, a hammy simp. the way he talks is rlly entertaining lol

also theyve been namedropped a couple times so far, but what the heck is up w/the maximal council or whatever? they seem to be the ones in charge of the maximals (and presumably cybertron?), but we know literally nothing abt them...im curious

ooomg and rampage...everything w/rampage was sooo fucked like him being basically immortal is wild, and then he showed up and was tearing shit up all over the place, and then megatron fucking...removed his spark and was like You Work For Me Now. daymmmm that was so fucked up 

and he seemed to calm down after the first ep so i was like mannn i wish they would address the whole thing where megatrons controlling him - tho the maximals dont even seem to know abt it, they probably just think rampage joined them on his own. oof

and lbr even if they did know, they probably wouldnt be super motivated to free him since rampage attacked them previously, and likely wouldnt join the maximals even if given the choice

oh my god okay hold up i cant forget that DINOBOT FUCKING DIED i cant fucking believe it mate. GOD

i miss that gay moron 😔

also aside but the pre-human monkey people look soooo fucking janky hbvajkdhfjkhsdf god. so bad im sorry

oh my god and the whole thing w/the golden disc saying ‘sounds of earth...’ ruth and i saw that inscription earlier in s2 and ruth was like ‘oh isnt that a real thing, they sent out the Voyager probe into space w/a disc that has different sounds from nature and music and stuff on it called ‘sounds of earth” AND THEN THAT WAS EXACTLY WHAT THIS WAS...

i thought that was so cool, the fact that the golden disc could basically be used to look into the future...and then alter the future accordingly

its also super cool that the writers used something from REAL LIFE in the story in such a way. like, thats cool as hell, and idk much media that does so

especially bc beast wars is one of very few transformers series to not include any human characters (discounting the monkey pre-humans), so this is a really cool way to involve humanity without having any recurring human cast members

when dinobot nearly committed seppuku...uhm jesus bro

and then when he fought off all the predacons ALONE, and then FUCKING DIED...that was legit sad as hell...like he kept almost going into stasis lock but kept overriding it which was gonna kill him and AUGH

and then when the maximals show up as he’s dying...mannnn

and his last words - “and the rest is silence.” poetic and quoting Shakespeare until the literal end I see

basically that episode was fucking brutal but also really good. phew

AND THEN ITS FOLLOWED UP BY THE TRANSMUTATE EPISODE...ruth and i watched these two eps back to back in one night and afterwards we were basically braindead. that was A Lot 

the transmutate ep HHHHH where to even start

ok so transmutate...the whole story was just fucking tragic but also. TERRIFYING...

like this ep gave me the same vibes that i got when i watched the movie ET in like 4th grade and got scared as hell 

like, i am a Full Grown Adult and NOT ONLY THAT i had a job in a cadaver lab for like 5 YEARS so i generally am not easily scared but holy SHIT this episode legit unsettled me liiiike

the design and animation (and voice acting) on transmutate were like....terrifying oh my god. like, the way she(?) moved was so scary, with the slow movements and just, everything w/the neck/head....AUGH

and that like, pained screech she did ???? that was just horrible oh my god

anyways literally ruth and i spent this entire ep just like, cowering and yelling out of fear lmao. i went outside in the dark later and i swear i saw transmutate in the shadows. terrifying

in terms of the plot of the ep, that shit was fucked up. it basically amounted to silverbolt and rampage fighting over transmutate w/little regard for transmutate as a person, and ending w/her dying. which was fucked btw

and the fact that everyone was like ‘oh yea transmutate basically doesnt count as an alive sentient being’ was messed up bc they came to that conclusion very quickly and with only a small amount of data....messed up. also messed up is how the maximals suggested putting transmutate in like, a medically induced coma basically, bc she was a freak of nature. which may be true but STILL, that probably violates some ethical laws. arent yall supposed to be the good guys?!

also rampage trying to befriend and save transmutate was sad...especially knowing his circumstances w/megatron and stuff. just Ls all around

ok this cuts off abruptly but thats all folks ig vbajdkfbjksdf

[wanderrlust0]

rant:/

sometimes my bf gets too insecure and its like D; i’ll compliment him but then if i say something to express my preference or my opinion or anything like that, he sometimes will take it personal and will start thinking that i dont think hes attractive, like noo🤦🏻‍♀️ i literally just gave you a compliment. its like how some girls can just say when they dont like their bfs haircut or that they prefer something this way or that they wont look bad if they tried it this way. i cant just casually do that with him without the possibility of making it like im putting him down!! then he’ll start this mental journey of like not needing me to know his worth (OBVI thats a good thing) but itll feel like its done in a way where its petty or out of spite, bc if he feels that i dont think hes hot, he’ll just focus more on himself, do his own thing, talk to me less, probs start thinking that he can be with someone else instead who will validate him, and i feel like he has “subtweeted” me, like not actually on twitter but on other platforms we both use like spotify playlists & yelp (LOL that sounds so out of place but yeah its the checkin comments, iykyk). so yeah idk, his emotions can feel complicated at times. weve also been hanging out only once a wk recently & i think he has a hard time with that, and so do I. usually we hang twice a wk but he got a new job so his schedule makes it harder. i feel like whenever we are apart for a long period of time our connection to each other tends to fizzle out a bit, the longer were apart. i told my friend that & i said that maybe we should start facetiming bc we dont do that at all actually. were not that couple who talks on the phone unless we really have to, so while i was on ft with my friend i was thinking maybe me & him should start doing that since were not hanging out as often as we used to. we snap all the time so we see each others faces everyday which isnt an issue, its the talking part. also, this is a sudden change of topic but still related to him..hes been having a lower sex drive & now its happening more often where hes like in the mood & then it dies out mid way so we have to take a break and then we can try again if he feels like hes ready and then were okay. every time he says not to worry, it isnt bc of me. he says that even when hes by himself he doesnt get the urge as much as he used to so his drive really did just shrink. since he told me that it makes me believe him more, like im not the problem, but i mean…of course theres a part of me that questions that bc it makes me feel like he has less of a want to fuck me. it could also be some performance anxiety as well he said but why isnt it just a rare occurrence anymore. i dont get mad at him for it bc i can understand low sex drive since i have it. there are times where i really dont feel the need to do it but we do it anyway. then once we start ill get into it but my time window is just shorter compared to when i am more horny. it doesnt mean i dont like him less (unless were going thru something) i just dont have that urge, so thats why im not getting annoyed at him bc i can relate..but IDK like at least for me thats normal, ive always been that way. this is a new thing for him so its a sudden change & yeah weve gotten older, hes 2yrs older than me so that could be a factor as well..its just sudden. so i guess im linking that to us hanging out less now & maybe he doesnt feel as attached to me. last time we hung out we smoked & that happened to him so we had to stop. aunt flow was with me so we couldnt go all the way. weed also makes him weird when it comes to it tho bc sometimes it makes him feel too tired/lazy to be in the mood for it if hes too high. me on the other hand, weed gets me more horny (as long as im not like incapacitated lol) so i was feeling it but i told him he couldnt fuck me bc even tho aunt flow was starting to leave, it would still get messy all up in there lol. when i went home i did end up masturbating tho. im finally seeing him tm for the whole day so i hope we’ll be good

[blasphamoustraitors]

.

[upsidedowngrass]

one of my favorite details about liam is the fact that he is very nice!!!! but he does NOT seem to get manners

his whole motive thruout season 2 is that he wants to save the others. from the looks of it, he doesnt CARE about the revenge part that much. like yeah itd be nice to stop the guy that physically harmed and killed you bc he did that, but thats an afterthought really - and i didnt interpret liam trying to kill airy even as an attempt at revenge so much as an extremely irrational and extremely stress-induced method of trying to make sure his friend + the others DIDNT get sent to the plane. his main priority is repeatedly that he wants to stop this from happening to anyone else. the only time he mentions himself is when saying that he 'cant live the rest of his life not knowing WHY this happened' (thats paraphrased) but that is immediately followed up w concern for this happening to other people

ofc, he also thinks he literally Has Nothing so the lengths he goes to to save the others CAN be interpretted as not things he would do if he thought he could go back to normal but at that point, thats just extremely specific speculation and i dont think thats supposed to be whats conveyed. some situations wouldnt even be necessarily related to him not having anything, so much as related to helping the others. he still throws himself into everything after "remembering what its like to have a life again." even when he realizes that he doesnt HAVE to have lost everything, he still cared and wanted to help the others more

i think he wanted closure, yeah, but he really did want to save the others. the scene of him helping julien is there for a narrative reason, after all (though i dont wanna get into that bc id go on a tangent about narrative choices in ONE). hell, hes the only one to try to get charlie out of the way of the stakes! (not that the others didnt try, but i feel like the intended take-away of liams general nature is fairly clear)

anyway, liam is nice!! he cares a lot abt others and doesnt want bad things to happen to them, and hes ok with bad things happening to him if it can help them.

but he does NOT understand a lot of social etiquette, or the concept of being polite.

my favorite example of this is the whole discussion abt going to go see bradley. when the restaurant gets shut down, liams first thought is to go 'sooooo. you dont have work, right?' when liam realizes he cant pay for the laptop, he just kinda. 'i dont have any money.' and stares at bryce like a cat looking at your plate of sandwich meat, waiting for you to inevitably give them some

this isnt even ONLY after the 7 months, theres hints of this trait before then! when amelia is talking abt stone making her team when the challenge, he just goes 'yeah sorry.' then talks abt how texty won their teams challenge, pointedly when texty is RIGHT there. liam doesnt even say goodnight back to owen! (this ones less impolite than the others but i think its silly to include)

it should be noted tho, that while this ISNT present before and after the plane, it DOES show up more prominently afterwards, and this could very much be the stress! but looking at WHY its more prominent afterwards also feels like it points more towards this just being How He Is.

all of the things hes kinda impolite abt? are things where he is TRYING to be nice, or arent unkind inherently. hes going to talk to bradley? well, doesnt bryce want to come? driving him there is more efficient anyway. oh you have work? well now you dont! so now things are easier! staying here isnt gonna make the restaurant reopen anyway! (liam also probably does NOT have the same weight associated w jobs that bryce does, since liam hasnt had a job in a capitalist society in 7 months. its probably still subconsciously there, but not at the forefront when the plane is still out there). i crashed your car? well, i think the lives of others matters a little more. you can get a new car, but if something happens to airys contestants WHO KNOWS whatll happen to them

a lot of it, i think, is made more extreme by stress and trauma, yeah, but these are patterns in logic that seem to already discard manners as being that relevant. and i, autistic, chose to view that as something hes just Like. hes not a dick and he doesnt ever mean to be! but also if someone can do something fairly minor to do something more important, why does he NEED to be polite abt it?? whats the POINT you get the same message across! and thats assuming he even REALIZES these things are "impolite," based on a lot of his interactions w vryce, i legitimately dont think he realizes how he acts could sometimes be considered 'impolite'

where bryce is knowingly kind of rude sometimes and doesnt care (though is STILL kind, he is just more blunt and uninterested in sounding nice, which i could do an entirely different essay on the autism of), liam seems to not really notice manners, nor does he think theyre very important to consider, and i just. really love that about his character :)

this is the kind of guy that, if you stubbed ur toe, hed probably not say 'oohh, sorry :(' and hed just be 'dang, that sucks' and move on

[actualsunflower]

I have a huge life update to share rn--- My top surgery consultation is scheduled for July 5th!!!! I’M SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!! I’ve also been vaccinated!! :D ANNNDDD MY LEGAL NAME AND SEX HAVE BEEN CHANGEDD!!!!! :DDDD kind of a lot has happened since I’ve been actually active around here But now I guess is the much harder part, my official surgery date will be set at the consultation, but there’s a required $1,000 fee to set the official date for my surgery. The $1,000 covers a portion of the surgery as well, and the base price for the surgery is $8,500. I’ll get the exact price on July 5th, but that’s their base rate. I need to earn or raise at least $1,000 of the total cost before July 5th to secure my surgery date!! I’m going to take commissions when I can, I have 1 almost entirely complete right now and then I can take on more! I’m gonna have a more detailed explanation of everything under the cut so this isnt super super long so pls read under there if you want all the deets Pls consider commissioning me or donating so I can get top surgery!! read more for more info and me being sappy abt my emotions--

I’ve waited so long for this and I’m fricken excited, it’s the last step in transitioning for me! It really means everything for me, I feel like I’ve been waiting forever and I can’t believe it’s finally happening !?!!! I am forever in everyones debt here and everywhere because I never wouldve even been able to start hrt if it wasn’t for the help here. I’m just so. Overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude I cant even tell how many times Ive cried and just felt like... actual gender euphoria since starting t..

So abt the appointment, I’m getting surgery with Dr. Javad Sajan, and I’m getting button hole double incision. Im serious his before and after pictures make me so emotional I am so happy and emotional for those people and I cannot wait to feel that kind of happiness and relief. But a big problem about this for me, is that he is in Seattle, and I live in southern Oregon. I can’t drive, so I have to rely on someone else, or take the train from a nearby city (Eugene). My consultation is over skype (which is amazing and a huge relief), but my pre-op appointment is in person, and of course so is the actual surgery. We’re planning on taking the train from Eugene because it seems to be the most reliable way to get there and back each time. Aside from my surgery, I’ve got to cover the price of the trip there and back (twice, once there and back for pre-op, once there and back post op,) and the price of a place to stay during the pre-op appointment. Right now my goal cost wise, is just the booking and base appointment price ($8,500, that’s including the $1,000 appointment setting deposit, which is just a part of the surgery cost and the base covers everything, surgery, the stay at the hospital, nips, anesthesia, everything). The full price is due at the pre-op appointment, and that’s the final bill. My insurance doesn’t cover anything because it’s out of state and county, and because its informed consent model. (which Im choosing because Id have to battle insurance for 2 years minimum if I was getting the surgery in Oregon, but I am very set on my surgeon after considering everything and calling many offices and looking through many subreddits and talking to ppl who’ve gotten it here and there) A lot of this information is on their site as well. As soon as I have my consultation, I will be right here to update everything and set the exact price, which I’ll also be including the price of transportation and staying there. As for paying, I’ve been applying to so many jobs, and even when I get interviews I never hear back from them. People keep telling me to stop admitting I’m disabled but I just can’t do that. Lying about being disabled doesnt make me abled and they don’t get that. I’m still trying though, and I am not going to stop trying until I get a job. But until then commissions and donations are my only source of income. I’ve been struggling getting help psychologically, because I have schizophrenia, and because I was diagnosed with adhd as a child, but I think I’m actually autistic rather than having adhd, and it’s been really hard trying to get diagnosed because I keep getting pushed off or told I cant have autism because I have paranoid schizophrenia or because its “just adhd”, but the medications are just making everything worse, and Ive tried more than one already. My medications for schizophrenia have started not working right, and when my schizophrenia meds get under control, it makes my adhd (?) significantly worse. Genuinely, I really dont know what’s happening. I really dont know whats going on with me right now and it’s hard and confusing and I keep swinging back and forth and it’s making everything deteriorate so fast I cant keep up with it. It seriously effects my ability to do anything at all, even art, and its been like this for the last 6 months. I am trying though, still trying to work, still trying to get a job, still trying to get a real diagnosis and help and Im not going to stop any of that. But I think getting top surgery as soon as possible is going to help me too, because dysphoria has just gotten so much worse focusing on my chest since t has started helping me pass and look so much more masculine. It’s like all my attention went from everything DIRECTLY to my chest and its almost unbearable. Even now since my sex has been legally changed I keep having the horrible thoughts of ‘why, why I am a man Im not supposed to be this way’ and shit idk. I’m getting too serious right now I have an appointment with the dmv to get a new updated driver’s permit with my name and fixed legal sex, and when I do that I can set up a bank account (I cant yet bcs I dont have a valid id/ id at all because I actually lost the other one and have been carrying around that paper one you’re supposed to destroy that is literally from 2016) and when I do, I’m going to set up a proper gofundme for my surgery and the travel expenses, but for now all I have is my paypal and online banking savings account. I’ll get that up asap once I have my id, though (Ive already been to the bank with my notarized judge passed papers and they wont take those yeah I know it’s stupid its like the same thing) But uhhh yeah! Thank you for reading this far if you did lol and considering helping me bcs my god, it literally means everything to me. pls share hehe

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[lanadelreyscokewhor3]

claire ok i need to get this off my chest but i’m learning to drive atm bc my parents have been bugging me about it and i’m living with them atm while i try and get this job abroad and the other day i was in a lesson and i was stalking sm there was a massive queue behind me. i’m in a small town but it’s surrounded by busy roads so i’m rlly embarrassed and stressed and shit and it was awful. anyways i get home and my friend messages me and is like ‘a friend of my mum lives in your town and apparently harry styles is moving there and he was spotted at this garage’ and i’m not sure it’s true but it kind of makes sense about him moving bc this literal mansion like house was sold recently and it’s a good holiday home and it’s in surrey where a lot of celebrities often get holiday houses - it was also during this 3 day break he has from tour. SO IF ITS TRUE IM SO EMBARRASSED BC I WAS DRIVING PAST THAT GARAGE AND AROUND IT AND NOW IM SCARED HE SAW ME STALLING AND ALMOST CRASHING AND LIKE THE RATIONAL PART OF MY BRAIN IS LIKE HE DEF WASNT THERE BUT NOW I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT AND IM SO EMBARRASSED </3 LMAO HELP

WIUAIHSU I LOVE THIS SO MUCH STOP. I WOULD LITERALLY DIE FOR YOU IF HE MOVED INTO THAT HOME THATS SO COOL!!!!

living in the middle of butt fuck nowhere i have never ever met a celeb and fear i would choke up and not know how to act. i am SO PROUD of you for not crashing your car. cause i would have, G2 or not

ICANT GET OVER THIS WOWOW THATS AMAZING AND IM SURE HE DIDNY SEE YOU AND IF HE DID HE WOULD THINK ITS CUTE DONT WORRY ANGEL LOL

[0tivez]

I feel like to a certain extent I also had that toxic phase of calling people a poser lol and people calling me a poser as well :p in the end we like what we like and fuck people who try and make us feel bad about those things <3

I LOVE R/JUJUTSUSHI!!!! its the best place for spoilers 🥰 jk jk. I could go on an ugly rant it as well. Imagine someone cringe bc they find someone attractive and consume the media around them??? I hate people's logic sometimes; lemme enjoy hot anime 2d men/women fuck off :D

LMFAO I think thats the only downside of talking with strangers about theories and such I think?? sometimes they don't understand or aren't open minded about other povs (and the latter is fine, you don't have to accept something that you dislike but pls don't be mean about it you're gonna hurt my feelings)

I hold haikyuu people to grown up standards but they're literally in 1st year of hs tf TT lets be best friends! I'll be the Yamaguchi to your Tsukishima <3 but fr, I don't know if you've reached this point but the episode where Tsukki's backstory was revealed...I feel nothing but pain. I can also relate to him as well tbh; I like how Haikyuu characters are, as far as I know, very humanly fleshed out!

Ohhhh I love cotton candy! It's been a while since I've eaten it tho :,) ill add it to my watch list! lately ive kinda been fixing my life/schedule so I hope I can start reading csm and jjk and watch more anime!

I...I was watching, you know...I was watching pørñ TT

YOU JUST MADE ME REMEMBER!!! I WANTED TO TELL YOU BUT IT SLIPPED MY MIND ANYWAY WE GOT A RELEASE DATE!!!!!! THE MOVIE IS GONNA BE RELEASED THE 24TH OF MARCH allegedly and I say allegedly bc even though news channels have made comments about the release date, cinemas over haven't said anything?? but ig lets just hope for the best TT my cousin wanted to go to the movies wearing outfits inspired by Gojo and Nanami and it would be fun so imma just hope for the best :,)

I would also watch the shaky version. no doubt, no hesitation. A bookstore over here was selling jjk volume 8 at a discount price and I really wanted to buy it but my dad wouldn't let me TT I need to get a job fr

EYYYY CSM PROPAGANDA >:) I think its more of a Latin American Spanish thing tbh BUT LETS GO

Yuzuru is an ethereal being. There's just so much about him that blows me away I cant- and all his skating outfits :,D I keep thinking about skating aus since the olympics; they're plaguing my mind

#mappareanimateeverythingpleaseimbeggingyou2k22

I think one of my friends told me that mappa kinda exploited their workers but I wouldn't be 100% sure; I didn't fact check. I also don't know if im using the ; correctly bc I don't English very well as of lately lmfao.

I don't know where I stand with cosplays, I like the ones that aren't a carbon copy of the characters but outfits inspired by them and such. I think those are very neat!

I hope you had a nice weekend!! <3

-🥳 anon

right lmao it's also those same guys that drool over rem and shit too

i don't think i've seen his backstory yet. i DO know that his brother is voiced by geto's va tho 👀 i should really finish it

you were watching PORN in your FAMILY CAR??? you're a menace to society and i don't know if i respect you or hate you for that (jk jk.... unless)

i saw 18th of march but it was for usa :') it's nowhere close to where i am lol i might watch the crappy drive versions. for now, i will be hyped for the batman

AAH ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR VOL8 AND 9 FOR AGES BUT THEYRE BOTH SOLD OUT! they are not translated which means they are so fucking expensive but i was ready to pay for it.... anyways i bought vol 0 and 1 for very cheap, i need to just wait for them to get translated :') they're only at vol 2 but damn i can wait to see getos fat titties and toji traumatizing gojo

mappa most likely does exploit their workers. i did hear tho that they are paid well, better than most other animators, so baby steps ig

lol i don't really look for punctuation either, it's impossible to learn lol so PSA if i ever have weird punctuation, it's cause i do it the way i do in turkish lol

i agree! most cosplays don't work out well for that reason :( hakken is a god tho

have a good one!

[sapphosclown]

hsmtmts s2 ep3 spoilers!!!!

i’m not on facetime w my friend this time so i have to live react on here or else i’ll cry

she started singing and i was like fuck they lived already didn’t they

BUT THEN ITS WORSE NOW BC THEY HAD THE SAME IDEA OMFG this is why you don’t ever plan surprises

i hate it here omfg

AHHHHHHHHHH

NOT THE GIRL ROASTING HIM I

respectfully there’s no way kourtney went straight to being assistant manager as a teenager in high school who’s never had a job before that’s simply not how it works

also i don’t appreciate this kids attitude

no but seriously she can’t even fold the boxes yet i

ricky wrote two songs for nini

THE WAY I SCREAMED WHEN I SAW EJ LMAO

EJ CALLED RICKY ‘Bowen’ LMAOSKAKDKAK

oooo rj time

I LOVE EJ LMAO

did ej end up deciding to be co choreographer or is she doing it by herself either way a legend

what’s wrong w ashlyn

babe i get it :/

oh god seblos drama

red oh my god

they are disasters omg

THE SLED STFU

oh god seb

red is so cute omg

NOT HIM FITTING IN THE LOCKER

stay put lmao

why couldn’t nini visit at rehearsal

oh so much romance issues

pov i fall in love w gina everytime she’s on screen anyways

GINAS FACE AT THE END IF THE SCENE GUVES ME LIFE OMG I LOVE HER

SEB KOURTNEY SCENE SEB KOURTNEYSCENE

THINKING JAZZ

pov why is gina at rickys house

yikes this is awkward

I DONT LIKE THE ENERGY IN THE STUDIO

gina i’ll be your valentine

yikes i hate this

please i hate this

not him shushing her

gina helping ricky is gonna make me cry i understand the awkwardness but it makes me sad gina just needed a friend and she didn’t get any comfort

gina come over rn i’ll buy you a million teddy bears

lily that’s scary asf

miss jen is scared for her life rn

she’s gone

hi mr. mozzarella

pov bestie vibes only

oh god red

awkward

oh my god “i thought we could have something that grows with us” that’s literally so sweet i love him

she hit him HARD

WHYD SHE GRAB HIM LIKE THAT LMAO AND THEN SHE STARTS TALKING ABIUT HER BIGGEST CRUSH WHICH IS RICKYS DAD OH MY GOD

mr. mozzarella has a cruuuusssshhhhh

girl who left the chocolates

there’s no way they got away that fast

was it ricky ??

hi howieeee

love you mom stop that’s cute

REDLYN SLOW DANCING TO KOURTNEY SHUT UP THIS IS SO SWEET I LOVE THIS

OH MY GOD THEY BOTH WENT TO VOICEMAIL BC THEY CALLED EACH OTHER AT THE SAME TIME I CANT WITH THIS MESS

i watched that song when they showed it as like a teamster but it’s better w the context

also i feel like ricky did not give gina the chocolates

ginas mom sent her the chocolates 💔💔

but she already texted ricky

awkward 😳

also the way ricky and nini looked at their phones w the notifications LMAO

GINAS HAND ON HER FACE TRYING NOT TO LAUGH LMAO

REDS SONG OMG

THAT LITTLE END SCREEN SCENE IS SO CUTE I CANT SHUT UP I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT

ashlyn is a gemini and red is a pisces astrology people does this check out

SNEAK PEAK TIME

oh interesting

carlos seems to not be happy ab gina being co choreographer 😳

why does ricky have to be shirtless i

miss jen driving nini back is interesting but yeah alright

fun fun fun!!

although the lack of ej this episode is genuinely criminal i stg if he doesn’t get his episode soon

[dragqueenpentheus]

Okay no one has to read this but i DO have to write it:

PYROC VS FATHER PAUL

Ya bitch needs an art break bc im getting angry about voices existing as i try to keep myself entertained. Today is NOT a god one for sinking into repetitive line work and that’s just about all i have on the table atm

SO! Im gunna do a little thinking about my little meow meows all fucked up by religion. Just a comparison for my sanity and interests. Pyroc is my baby i wrote him for the first time years ago. Five?????????? Whadda hell. Going on six.

ANYWAY john joined religion because of his trauma. His sister died and he felt lost. He was unmoored in this fishing village and looking for reason looking for hope. Hed had his heart broken and trying to make sense of tragedy on his own was totally beyond him. Thats why his interactions with riley in AA are SO good like. He knows that confusion and he knows the rhetoric that’s supposed to combat it. Only it dooesnt work for riley.

The same sort of thing happens for pyrc, only inverted. Loss urns him away from god and religion because its SO strong in his family and not only is he loosing trust in god, but his kin as well. He’s suspicious there’s mre they arent telling him, at the point of his fathers death. And he agrees to, on the surface, absolutely wholly throw himself in to being the second the family and the village need. But he’s keeping his treachery under wraps.

That’s one of the coolest things about father paul imo is like. That slow unraveling of what is. Frankly. An awful half assed plan, driven by fear and loneliness and desperation and dementia and love. Even VERY obvious things like. Taking down the newspaper photo of his young self ‘slip’ by him. I think, on some level, its DEEPLY intentional. He wants people to CHOOSE this. He wants people like bev. He wants people who see him and are in aw of him beating god. Of killing death. He wants to be worshiped and adored and for people to come to him willingly, no tragedy driving them to his arms.

Pyroc also wnats to be worshipped, but he ALSO wants to do the worshipping. He really longs for an element of almost????? But not quite??? Subjection?? He wants to be shown something and for a Great Voice to tell him, unquestioningly and unerringly that it is GOOD. Full stop. And then he wants to spend his life worshipping it. But this booko is an exploration of how….. no such thing exists. And more importantly no great voice exists either. There is nothing wholly good, nothing wholy evil. His lack of faith in himself once he becomes god is him starting to understand that as well. Thats on purpose baked into the lore. The starting point was ‘what if god was a position and in order to get promoted you had to be a murderer. No matter what’. He understands things are not wholly good, at that point. I onder how long it will be for him to realize they are not fully evil as well?

Bc pruitt does hm hm hm an interesting move. Where he takes something the narritve is very sure to communicate is EVIL no wiggle room just fact. Even if its driven by animal instinct its. Evil. And he makes it, not just good, but HOLY. And god i LOVEEEE that for him i ADOREEE that what a MOVE. Driven by desperation and dementia and relief and ‘if god saved me than maybe i can be good despite loving and sinning and maybe if i defeat god then i will be Thee Good’. SO sexy of him. Im really fascinated by his morality. He seems to have an understanding of the shades of grey in some respects??? But if he had a BETTER one with more forgiveness in his heart i feel like hed have left the church anyway after sarah was born??? Even if millie didnt ask him??? That might just be my own sensibilities creeping in but ….. like he culd have seen her on the weekends. He can do other jobs. Hes straight (??? Not totally convinced of this) he could have just dated her that makes me crazy. LIKE OBV HE HAD LINES HE THOUGHT THAT WOULD CROSS AND HE HAD INTERNALIZED THE CHURCH AND THE RULES AND SHE WAS MARRIED AND ECT ECT i know he couldnt have really but. Thye were straight. They coulda.

Im not gunna do fantasy homophobia bc i think its …………….. Boring. But i think some element of??? The vindlegaurd line MUST be passed along and for that particular rules must be applied. But thats also boring as hell :/ maybe i can work in my parthenogenesis lore?????????? I bet pyroc would love building that spell in any universe. That’s the sequal when he goes to magic university in helsin. But yeah i do like the concept that. Anyone can have a baby thru magic its just a time and energy commitment. Just a matter of wanting it enough together. Every baby is so deeply wanted and its mere existence is proof. Thats dope i love that. HMMM to be decided at a later date when im deeper into the story i think. I still havent figured out fully how and where and why orion is going to be invovled and if???? Pyroc and orion are even going to be romantic??????? Im torn im TORn…….

Thikns about john bonding w sarah over science and learning and starts wEEPING…. Like theres some surity beloved. Its just a matter of uncovering. I think sarah felt that same thirst for answers and hunted them differently. Her faith is in logic and science. I loveeee her god. Every scene w her and her dad absolutely RUIN me like!!!!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW!!! SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW LOVED SHE IS!!!!!! I hope at hte very end she saw the blood as the gesture of love it SO clearly was and not him trying to poison her. God i love that she spat it out. GOD. Thats about being gay, btw. Spits the religious offering that could save you across the gasoline soaked church floor like BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think we as a collective should talk about the possibiites around sarah/erin more. Bc their defiance combined would be. Earth SHATTERING for crockett.

In the future pyroc gets a kid. Ever since that campaign where Enemy ended up playing his daughter im like. How did i NOT know this idiot wanted nothing more in the entire world than to travel it with his daughter. I dont care how or why hes getting a kid. Hed be so doting and awful abut it. He would need orion as a co-parent for the kids self esteem to be normal levels. thINKS ABOUT PAUL GETTING TO RAISE SARAH AND JUST ABSOLUTELY GASSING HER UPPPPPPPP HANGING EVERY DOODLE SHE EVER MADE ON TEH FRIDGE. BOASTING ABOUT HER SCEINECE PROJECT OT ANYONE WITHIN EYESIGHT EVEN THOUGH ‘WE K N O W JOHNWE WERE ALL AT THE SCEINCE FAIR’!!!!!!!!!!! Let these fuck ups be doting fathers im fucking begging. That scene where paul is like. You take ccare of everyone on the island sarah. Its more than being a doctor. You comfort them.

HM HM comfort is such a thing for Miss Bitch like!! He sees it as a Good Thing. He tries to bring it for riley by asking to hold the AA meetings on island ((also manipulation. Obvously also manipulation. I wouldnt have bene shocked if he was slipping the vampire blood into the coffee every meeting either. But thats just a theory. A game theory.)) ANYWAY he sees comfort as hly. The church gave it to him when he needed it. The angel gave it to him in the cave. Feeling safe and warm is HIGH on his list of priorities and what makes him hand over respect.

I think pyroc has lived a very comfortable life in SO many ways, but in none he. Activly recognizes. A key part of his character arc his him…. Opening his eyes to the world around them. Seeing the privilege he has and being like. Wait. This isnt Right. We have to change thi. And when no one agrees ti shifts to I have to change this. With Violence. A little revolutionary <3 it only costs the life of his whole ass family

Thats more fun comparison ground like…… paul is SO much about I know whats right and there is a cost but i AM ignoring it. Like HE KNOOOOWSSSS he knooooows he just doesnt want o See. I’m not sure if im going to surprise yroc with the ……megadeath of. His whole family. Or if it’s a choice he has to activly make. I think a choice makes it more compelling, more layerd. It has to be in the moment though, becaus ei think thats. A key difference between them. Pyroc wouldnt do it.. hed just leave hed peace out and do what he could in small ways. But he wouldnt do his big stand off with god. Hed shrink his goals in order to not hurt his family. Out of love?? Intimidation?? Some instinct wihtin him that balks at the idea of disobedience??? I think even he doesnt know. But i LOVE john becaue he jsut decides to lie. He closes his eyes and says i am being stupid on purpose. I think thats PERHAPS more compelling than good guy coward pyroc BUT!!!!! Thats who he is rip to ths little man. Cant change him now hes a whole ass child in my head. The PLOT i can change. Him….. not without massive character development <3

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MM set my brain on FIRE!!!! Im so glad nano is coming up. I love sharpening pyroc against the comparison of other AMAZING characters. Father paul hill my beloved millstone <3 anyway sorry to anyone who reads this its literally me unhinging my jaw and emptying my brain out. I had to write stuff that wasn’t novel or fic. A little character time down and dirty. I wil NOT be editing this love and light to future me trying to decode this