#also i learnt a lot of things about people in my year that my autistic ass never suspected

[minecraftdog]

thank you so much for all of the people for the bingo!!! I'll do it tomorrow because I need eepies

[henry-fox-biggest-stan]

Okay so I need people are who are diagnosed as autistic to help me out here

I been suspecting for a long time (like around a year, maybe more idk) than I might be autistic, and I did research (genuinely, not just taking some Internet quiz and self-diagnosing based on it) and I want to know if there’s a genuine chance I might be autistic, or if I have a wrong view on autism (basically, if I’m wrong about it and what it means to be autistic).

Some things than happen to me than I’ve seen also happen to a big amount of autistic people

-Problems with food since very little. Not based on taste, but texture. Eating something with the wrong texture is just horrible.

-Always felt different from my peers, never quite fitting in because I didn’t know how to interact with them. As if they knew exactly what to do and I was just flying blind. I heard people say than they felt as if everyone was born with a book of rules, meanwhile they had to learn from watching everyone else already know them, and I think that’s the best way for me to explain it.

-Intense interests on stuff, really intense. Like, is all I can think about day and night, I relate everything to it in some way or another, I know everything about it down to the smallest detail, some might call me obsessed and I wouldn’t deny it. Reminds me of the way people with autism describe their hiperfixations.

-People thought I was “gifted” as a kid, and said than I was a kid with the mind of an adult. I’m no genius, I was just interested on different stuff than other kids. I was the first one to learn to read and I never stopped. I basically lived in the library as a kid. I have a vivid memory of when I must have been like 10 and saying than my favorite thing in the world was reading and some friends looking at me like I was crazy. I’m mentioning this not because people who are autistic are “gifted”, but more because I heard they are usually interested in different stuff than their peers (doesn’t have to be more mature, it can be more immature stuff too, I think. Goes hand in hand with feeling different from everyone). Continuing on books, I also always had a higher reading level than the rest of my class. I was “a pleasure to have in class but should speak out more” kid.

-Looking back they were obviously bullying me, but I thought than they were laughing with me, not at me.

-I can’t hear the tone of my voice?? For some reason?? Sometimes I speak too loudly or too quietly or my mom says I’m being rude for “talking back” but in my head my voice is the same level and uses the same tone. So if I’m ever rude I probably don’t notice (I hate being rude to people).

-I read about overstimulation and under stimulation and it perfectly described the way I feel a lot of time. Specially overstimulation.

-If talking about something I really enjoy (hiperfixations?) I can’t be still. I’ll probably smile and fidget with something and the mere mention of it or anything regarding it outside of online spaces makes me want to scream out of excitement. Like, a really abnormal reaction to it, I believe.

-I prefer to be home on my own than outside (specially if there’s lots of people around). I don’t know if it’s hard for me to see how people are feelings, given than I learnt to notice when people don’t want me somewhere (eventually you get used to it) but sometimes when people are being nice to me I’m completely unable to see if they’re being genuine or not. An example, I was forced to spend a week sharing a room with this pair of really popular girls because of a school trip, and they were nice to me, starting conversations and stuff. So because they seemed nice, I thought they were nice. But at the end of the week I approached them and they gave me the dirtiest look and I realize they weren’t actually being genuine, they were just kind of being forced to be nice to me.

-I hate changes of routine, everyday I have the same routine and if someone wants it to change (go somewhere and do something together) they have to tell me at least a day in advance. Unless I really like them, I will feel uneasy to change my routine because it makes me feel as if I was messing everything up.

-I don’t know if it has anything to do with this, but I’m adding it just in case. I hated physical touch as a kid. Up until some years ago, I couldn’t stand it. Also don’t know if it’s related, but I always had trouble sleeping, I heard that might be a symptom but I don’t know.

-I went to a speech therapist as a kid because I couldn’t pronounce the letter s and I pronounced it as z, sometimes it still comes out. I heard problems in speech might be related but I doubt it, just adding just in case.

-I have a big sense of justice. For example everyone in my class cheats on their exams (they don’t even hide it, is more, they brag about it), and that has always upset me. Not because they can copy while I actually study, but because cheating is wrong. That’s not how it works. Why are they breaking the rules. Or for example they bring their phones to school (not nearly as bad as cheating) which is forbidden, and I don’t understand why they do that. It’s forbidden, so why?

-I notice patterns in almost everything, I also focus more on the little details than the big picture, which leads to both overthinking but also better results.

-I need people to speak to me separately. Having a conversation with two people at the same time feels like a nightmare.

-I need people to tell me things, if they want me to do them. If you made something for me to eat, don’t just put it on the table, tell me it’s for me. Otherwise I won’t touch it out of fear it’s not mine. When given instructions, I need them to be clear and detailed. All people my age are doing stuff like going to parties, drinking alcohol, meanwhile I never think of doing it and also, never knew I could do it? When did the change between going to the park to hang out without our parents for the first time and going to a party with alcohol around lots of strangers happened? Why did no one told me? How does everyone just know when to change and grow up? Why don’t I?

-Something I also noticed is than every fictional character I related to had various autism symptoms (said by people on the fandoms who are actually autistic).

[falling-components]

what's your type? :)

i've had this sitting on my desk for a while because i literally don't know how to answer. it's a question that's often considered a light one. it's an icebreaker. you're supposed to have a coy answer that rides on the line of tasteful semi-objectification. because like, i've known people who have "types", right?

example: i knew a guy who seemed to, over several years, have several girlfriends who all fit more or less the same description. they were all confident, democratic socialists or so on from the city (he was a Liberal, as in he literally had an undying support to the liberal party of canada, he worked for them, which is hardcore dweeb behaviour) who were all relentlessly mean to him. like always it'd be a new woman who kind of genuinely despised him for many legitimate reasons but stuck around for some reason because i guess they wanted a man to despise? then they wise up after a couple years. he has no spine (he's a Liberal) so mostly he kind of just soaked it up and whined pathetically about it. he should just hire a domme to kick him around a bit. but he's too nervous to do anything "weird" in his life at all so he'll probably just rot in the gears of the machine he's pledged fealty to until he dies. anyways that's his "type". it's a pattern. what the fuck is my type? i don't know and every time i've been asked this question i've gotten self-conscious about the fact that i haven't really had medium-long-term partners to make data points off of. like my type historically has been whoever on grindr stuck around long enough for me to get my dick wet. but i don't really have sex anymore on account of my situation. i guess truly what i like is someone who has similar values to me. theoretically gender is irrelevant to me (bisexual) but practically speaking this value-alignment means mostly other trans people since it's not like most cis people would "get" my autistic gender doctrine. it tends to scare them off once i start explaining what i actually believe. sometimes it scares trans people off too but that's neither here nor there. so sure, there's a starting place.

then what? i don't know. i have so much lust within me i'd fuck a rock right now. chances are if we were in a room together i'd probably want to fuck you. sure. anything more than that? well i don't know if i'm aromantic or if i've just built up some sort of many-layered emotional shell that has prevented me from admitting i feel any amount of romantic love because i know practically it'd probably just be a net negative right now.

i have a habit of getting attached to people a bit older than me, i guess. not really in the sense of i want to fuck someone's grandma, unfortunately, because that's cool these days, but more in the sense that i don't really feel a part of the social superclique of bright-eyed third year undergrad university students who believe in things like hope. but i don't really fit in with people who have actual lives either? i barely feel like i exist sometimes. trying to change that is hard but i'm trying.

they've got to be strange. ideally stranger than i am somehow. then i have confidence that we can build some sort of trust, right? they won't get rid of me or treat me as lesser than someone else because i'm some sort of curiosity? we'll have each other? i feel like a lot of the really odd ones probably aren't on here, though. they're too busy with routing speedruns or attending to an autistfaith of some sort or always observing, never acting, because they've learnt that the way they talk makes people want to get away from them. but i'd listen. and they'd listen to me

i want to fuck everyone but i want to tell them i love them i love them i love them i love them because i have to. because there's no other option. nothing else can happen. maybe someday. i've never said i love you and meant it. it'd be neat to see how it feels. that's the track. is that wrong?

also i'm a sucker for someone in jeans and want to grind through jeans and i want someone who whimpers good. and i want someone who has genuine murderous thoughts. uhhh does this answer the question

[bellmo15-blog]

The OTHER Plugsuited Demon Beauty.

Oh boy, this is going to be an interesting one to talk about.

It's hardly a secret at this point but Devil May Cry 2 is widely agreed upon, when people aren't busy ragging on the 2013 reboot that is, to be the worst game in the series. And there's plenty of good and valid reasons for that. Aside from the obvious stuff that people love to meme on anyway like how over powered the guns are or that one of the bosses is literally a tank there's stuff like how the games story isn't explained very well, Dante had all the personality and charisma that made him so likable sucked out of him, the game's world looking bland and lifeless compared to the first games setting which still looks wonderful even today, the only other melee weapons you can get are just reskins of your starting one with only very minor differences and how pretty much every problem this game has could of been avoided if Capcom didn't force a completely different team who had never worked on an action game before to make it in only 2 years. And people act like publishers treating there devs like shit is a new thing this generation...

Even with all the shit DMC 2 does wrong and rightfully get's crap for there is one aspect from it I actually really do like and it might surprise you to hear what it is. Lucia. I actually kind of really like her. Not so much her gameplay because it has the same issues as Dante's gameplay and I'd argue is even worse because she has several awful underwater sections, but more just everything else about her.

Her design for one thing I really like especially since her Devil Trigger makes her look like a Mega Absol but also her story two a little. She learns during her campaign that she's actually a defective demon created by the games main villain Arius and the rest of her story she's having one big existential crisis due to a fear she's going to lose control of herself and become a monster killing everyone which for as wired as this sounds is actually kind of relatable. Because let's be completely honest here, how many of you people have learnt something about yourself that you have no idea how to react to or how to process and spend a good while worrying about it? Hell, I didn't even know I was autistic or what the concept of Autism even was until I was 14 years old and you bet I spent several days not knowing how to even process that at first. Not to mention the several years I was worried I'd grow up to be an angry and bitter man because of how my own farther had anger issues himself. I mean sure, maybe Lucia's story could of been handled a lot better in game and fleshed out a lot more but it is because of the likely un-intended relatability that does actually make me like her a bit.

Which brings me to the whole reason I decided to get her in Rei's White Plugsuit in the first place. Aside for the colour matching Lucia's original design I mean. I mentioned in the Trish Plugsuit pic ChaosCroc did for me that the whole reason I was motivated to get that was because of how Trish being a demon created in the image of Dante's mother Eve was very similar to how Rei in Evangelion was created as a clone of Shinji's mother. Only there are multiple Rei's in Evangelion in the event that one happens to die. Just like how there are technically multiple Lucia's and the one we follow in Dee Em Cee Too is a defect. And that justification pretty much speaks for itself! Lucia had some similarities to Rei and it inspired me. And I'm happy to have gotten this pic. Especially since over the years I've actually wanted Lucia to show up again in new game a little because it sucks that she's stuck in the worst game in the series and anything past that she DOES show up in is in supplementary material we might never get outside of Japan.

Artist is AmeerAshourDraws. Also fun fact, the design of his Ashour Drones was slightly inspired by Plugsuits which is peak!

[thegayneurodivergentagenda]

hi hello pran autism anon here again!! i just watched ep 4 again and i noticed at the scene when pat comes to give pran his earphones, and lets himself in, pran repeatedly expresses his distaste at the fact for two reasons. yes, he doesn’t want pat infringing on his privacy or messing up his meticulously arranged living space. but it's the other reason that intrigues me when looking at pran through an autistic lens. he repeats that pat entered without being let in. he's very bothered not only by pat's actions, but also the fact that pat is breaking a social norm. as an autistic person, i find that i tend to feel uncomfortable when i see other people not follow social norms, which i feel is because i've had to consciously learn these and remind myself to follow them for years. i feel like pran is having a similar internal experience here, where he's seeing pat do something that isn't considered 'socially acceptable', which bothers him because he has a script in his head that he's built up over the years, and this doesn't follow the script that he uses to dictate what is and isn't okay to do, what does and doesn't get him acceptance from his peers etc. he then comments that pat 'has no manners'. i think this is a pretty common thing that many autistic people have experienced, being told we have no manners because we unconsciously broke an unwritten social rule we never learnt about. pran, in my opinion, can't help but project the rules he's learnt to help himself fit in and mask onto other people. it might be a very small detail to focus on, but it's something that really got me thinking.

thank you for reading my rant about literally three lines of dialogue!! hope you have a great day!!!

I love you anon.

I know you didn't technically ASK me to rant about Pran's relationship w his room but I have too much to say and I hope you're okay w that.

So

Pran and his room: from the lens of autism

1. As someone with autism, social rules and norms that we agree with are set in stone. So your analysis about Pat breaking a social rule makes a lot of sense. Especially when you see the other interactions at the food stall and music shop (you're not supposed to sniff people????????????)

2. It's also likely that he's very transparently present in his room. For people with autism, our rooms are our safe spaces and worst nightmares because they reflect so much of who we are. If they are messy, It's our mess. If it's organized, It's customised to our space. Rooms, dorms and other living spaces are basically a self portrait.

Which is why when Pat dares enter and sneak a peak at his barest self, lit with fairy lights and faces telling him how to smile, rituals along every curve and table, he feels scared. What if Pat notices his smilies and thinks he's still a child (he should have overcome the hyperfixation by now? Will Pat understand?) What if Pat notices his coffee stained couch and calls Pran on being an imposter who only pretends to get angry at messy stains. There's so many ways Pat could see behind his carefully constructed masks.

His apprehension from pat entering could be from not letting Pat see him.

And that's also why he holds the social norm of asking before entering so close to his daily functioning; revels in the safety of enforcing this rule rigidly.

[I sometimes liken this to the idea of a nest in the omegaverse where it's extremely personal and reflective of the person making it. I also love the omega verse so much because it takes a lot of neurodivergent traits and makes them seem normal and that's just another post altogether]

3. When Pat and Pran finally get their shit together Pran let's Pat change his room and make the space theirs. It's the biggest declaration of love if I've ever seen one. He let's Pat put up photos and shares his bed and doubles the Pillows and makes space for Nong Nao. All because he's ready to allow Pat in his space. Across the rituals. Inside his safety.

4. The fact that the most crucial of the moments (The Kiss, The Bet, The Ming) happen away from the safety of his room goes along with this and his canon OCD.

If you're living with OCD, safe spaces can turn into compulsions at the sight of threat. And the fact that he was so adamant on keeping the relationship behind closed doors felt a lot like stemming not just from his anxiety about his parents but also his imposter syndrome: It's a glitch in the matrix that Pat likes me back and we should not test the matrix lest it remind Pat I'm an annoyance that he rather not deal with.

If you have autism, the safety of your room provides familiar and clear cues that could be helpful if an emergency is to arrive (I could just start talking about the rotting food if conversations get tougher// I could go to my own washroom and pretend to take my time if I feel overwhelmed). These safety nets are not present Outside.

And it is through his autism that Pran shows his love to Pat.

He let's Pat break his rules constantly. Not because they don't cause him discomfort. They still do. But his love for Pat is just greater than that.

He will let Pat drag him outside. Let Pat post photos of him. Let Pat make a mess on his kitchen table. Go with Pat to an unknown room.

As Anon said, these rules and norms and safe spaces are all in place because of being reprimanded for being neurodivergent by the neurotypical system builders. They are precautions to avoid being hurt or being called out on the fact that they don't belong.

But Pran doesn't feel hurt in Pat's presence. Because regardless of if they are friends or enemies, they've always belonged together.

[blubushie]

do u just name the guns/knives or do u name other stuff too (i'm asking respectfully)

Ok, since you come respectful I'll answer respectful.

Getting this out of the way: I'm autistic. Object personification is a symptom of autism. It is something I have. This paper will be very sad if you don't read it. I will also be referring to people as "humans" throughout this to separate from my own concept of "people."

I'm an extremely low empathy autistic, plus some other things. While I'll see non-human things as people, I also don't really see humans as people. It's more like watching animals go about their natural behaviours. I'm an outsider looking in, taking notes on behaviour and interactions within the community. I don't think of humans as any different from the animals I observe and hunt. We're all just organisms. Humans are people with our own place in the food chain, try as we might to rise above it. There is me, a person. There is Misty, a person. Once I get to know another human well, they become a person to me instead of just another animal.

Only ones this doesn't apply to is kids. I'm horribly empathetic to kids. Teenagers are on thinner ice but still get empathy. But kids fuck me up hard. If something happens to a child I'll be fucked up for days.

This doesn't mean I go around being an arsehole, because I'm polite and learnt a long time ago and that no one will ever really understand my perspective on how I see other people. They'll call you a monster, a freak, a psychopath, etc. They'll think you want to harm humans, or that you're a bad person because you don't see other humans with the same personhood as you see yourself, or say you dehumanise humans. And I don't reckon I dehumanise humans, because all of humanity is like this to me. Additionally, while I'm low-empathy, I'm not a fucking sadist. I don't want anything to suffer. Shots I take on animals are clean and accurate--ethical and humane. I try to have the same approach with people. If someone is in distress, I am going to help them because that's the right thing to do. I might not personally care about the person, but I will help them because it's good to be kind. Sometimes that means I put up with a lot more shit than I should.

When I get close enough to someone, I start seeing them as people. Those in my server, my mates, my family. If I become emotionally attached to something, my empathy starts working and they become a person to me. But this also means that anything with sentimental value to me is now granted personhood. Misty is a person. My rifle, Winnie, is a person. My knife, Kaz, is a person. My stockwhip Stozza, my ute Matilda (though really, Matilda is the camper and not the rig itself). These are all people to me. They have emotions and feelings and this paper will be very sad if you don't read it.

And when something is granted personhood, I grant it a name. There's a reason everyone in my server--my friend group--is given a nickname by me, even if most of them don't know what I've given them. There's a reason my rifle and knife and car have names. There's a reason my dog has a name. People have names.

When I first got Winnie at twelve, she was just my gun. "Can I bring my gun?" No, Jet, we don't bring guns to Macca's. "I'll leave it in the car. I just wanna bring it." I didn't wanna let her out of my sight. She was my pride and joy, even then. And later that year, after I was assaulted, there was days I'd spend shooting tins out behind our caravan, and she was the only thing that made me feel like I had any power over my life. Because she felt powerful. She made me feel safe--like if ever I needed to, I could protect myself. She couldn't change what had happened to me, but so long as she was by my side I was sure it'd never happen to me again.

When I was fifteen and went bush, I brought her with me. .30-06 is fucking overkill for rabbits, but I shot a roo with her and the meat lasted me the whole near-three weeks I was out there until the coppers found me 60km from Ghan. She kept me alive, because I didn't bring enough food for three weeks. To be fair, leaving was an impulse decision and I was also 15 at the time, but still. Her dedication to me then was rewarded with her going from a gun to my most beloved companion, and being granted the name Winnie.

They took her when I was taken into custody, and I wouldn't talk to the detective until he assured me I'd get her back once I left the copshop. I went directly from the copshop into a mental facility, but she was there at the detective's house when he pulled me out of it.

By the time I was 17 and going to high school in rural California, I was in the school carpark when I noticed one of the boys at my school had a semi-auto shotty on the rack in his ute. So on the drive home I stopped by our local gunshop and immediately bought a gunrack for my back window, which is where Winnie rests now when she's not locked in her safe in Matilda or by the door.

Eventually Kaz went from "dad's knife" to "the KA-BAR", then back to "my knife" cuz KA-BAR is a mouthful, then finally to Kaz. By the time I'd bought my camper for my ute, I'd come to terms with sometimes people just Name Things when they get attached. And as I was 17, going on 18, and homeless at the time, I immediately named her Matilda.

When I became a stockman I wasn't given a station knife because I had Kaz and told them I didn't need one, but I was given my stockwhip and after it was used on me I finally gave it the name Stozza. And sometimes I take it out and crack it a couple times just so it's not sitting there coiled in a box at the bottom of my wardrobe.

The pronouns comes with the name territory. I just get a certain vibe off things, if that makes sense? Winnie is, without a doubt, feminine to me. Kaz is feminine to me. Stozza is masculine, but I usually find myself calling him an "it" instead of masculine pronouns because while I'm attached to it for sentimental reasons, it's not quite reached a level of personhood with me yet.

Anyway, hope that covers things. Cheers.

[lilflowerpot]

oh man ive been binge reading little blade off and on, i just love. fics that are fairly lotor centric because im attached to him a Perfectly Normal Persons Amount /light-hearted

but i also just adore. like all of the world building you do, that's always my favorite thing in any form of media. esp because there's a few things that lined up with/were close to stuff i hc'd or thought about and it's like !!!! oh same wavelength!!! (like with sincline ! i understand why they didn't do more with the ship bc of the plot directions but also. rattles the bars it would have been so cool to see in the show and i have so many thoughts)

another also that idk if this is Weird? but im autistic and like, a lot of the behavior shown from lotor + the galra in general make me go oh! that's how i behave! and it's just nice seeing it shown in a way that like. isn't meant to do a "oh look how ✨weird✨ they behave" deal + seeing keith and his responses to it remind me almost of my experiences with unmasking? it's just a little !!! kind of feeling

anyways tldr i love your fic <3 it makes me feel many things mostly soft

I too am attached to Prince Lotor son of Zarkon a Perfectly Normal Amount™,,,, you are not alone in this

Oh, but it's always wonderful to know that people are enjoying my worldbuilding, so thank you for telling me so! I'm really glad you and I are on the same wavelength regarding Sincline, because they literally paralleled it to Voltron in every way, so seeing as Voltron is sentient it stands to reason that Sincline is too? Genuinely such a pity that that was never explored in canon, but c'est la vie ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And hey, here's a funny thing, though I didn't know it when I first began writing LB I have in the years since learnt that I am ✨autistic af✨—in hindsight it was in equal parts insanely obvious, yet unsurprising that I (particularly as a woman) managed to make my way into adulthood without anyone overtly acknowledging it—and looking back at the way I write Keith in particular... yeah, he's autistic-coded to hell and back. I too see a lot of my experiences in unmasking reflected in Keith coming to terms with his galra traits (idek how I managed to subconsciously write that in from the beginning, but it's distinctly there lmao) so I'm really glad that that could resonate with you!!

I'm so pleased to know that my writing gives you soft feelings, may it continue to do so for many chapters to come ♡

[queerlilthing]

Adjusting to unmasking

I’m going through a period of fatigue right now. I’ve spent all my life trying to adapt myself to live in a world that was never designed for me. I’ve been working so hard to “just get on with it, everyone else does”.

And for a while? I thought it was working. I was able to do things back to back, just like “everyone else”. I felt like I had overcome my challenges as an autistic person.

No doubt, there was some real growth in there, but I was also running off of pure adrenaline to live up to excruciatingly high expectations. I learnt to dissociate from the emotions and my inner alarms that would tell me “please stop, this is harming you”.

Recently I’ve started suffering with all encompassing fatigue. It’s consuming me. Every time I do something, I feel like my body is begging me for rest.

What’s changed? Instead of trying to figure out how I’m feeling emotionally, I’ve been paying more attention to changes in feelings and sensations in my body. What I’ve started to notice, is that actually, a lot of the time… I’m not doing great. Only thing is, I’ve learnt to keep pushing myself through those feelings… Until now. Im going through autistic burnout.

I Think a lot of us struggle from an early age, especially as kids. I think it’s around this time, a lot of the people around us (in my case, my teachers at school) tell us that what we’re feeling isn’t valid, or that we’re being “over dramatic. So what do we do? We learn that we can trust what we feel, and to ignore things.

Eventually, it this pattern persists like with me, you get to a point where this frequent “keep pushing” brings you down.

I’m now checking in with myself so much more. I feel so broken, I have virtually no energy anymore. But im trying to care for that part of me that’s begging for a break, that needs some quiet time. I’ve not stopped the last 6 years, and it’s about time I gave me some time to just be.

Please, be really careful and protective of your spoons. We have so precious few of them, and those we do have need to be cherished. Life is already so hard.

The sad thing is, doing this often involves reducing commitments, which can make the people around you think you’re “lazy”, when really you’re just doing your best and protecting yourself.

Never forget: you’re living life on hardcore mode, few other people are and it’s isolating as fuck. Remember that you’ve fought hard to get here, and that you deserve to do wha lot you need to do to be healthy 💖

[sp00kysk3lly]

So reading my old medical notes I’ve realised I am actually autistic, and the doctors, teachers, therapists ALL MISSED IT! Apart from one therapist I saw when I was 12-13!

I have tried writing to the clinic I was seen by her at to see (and hope) that she still works there, to ask her why it was missed, or why it was ignored.

I’ve tried searching her online, but I can not find her, not sure what I’d do if I did find her as I wouldn’t want to just message her out of the blue. (A bit stalkerish!)

If she doesn’t work there, then it’s fine. I understand it was a long time ago and she probably wouldn’t even remember me.

I can’t contact my former doctor as she has since retired and has been retired for a couple of years. So, I can’t go and ask her. And no one else will know about it like my doctor after her and my current GP.

I also found out that, I was actually WASTING AWAY! Before I got my EPI diagnosis in 2019, I was malnourished, very skinny. I even looked so ill that I was considered as being pretty much a skeleton.

I’ve found so many things out by reading them. Even what my former (retired) doctor has called me to other doctors (which I am not happy about!)

Like, being considered odd because I was an EMO, and I came out as GAY and I had PIERCINGS!

(How is that considered odd?) Was my doctor actually just a homophobic piece of shit? If she had a problem with it she could have just passed me onto another doctor! It’s not that hard! It was not that deep!

I mean, I know I told her she looked Victorian, but come on, I was like 7/8 years old! I said what I felt! Didn’t mean you could hate me because I was gay!

But I’ve learnt so many different things.

It’s because of this that I am now diagnosed as autistic. I don’t understand why people missed it all. I mean,

I was covering my face when people talked to me!

I was lining toy bricks up instead of playing with them!

I had speech delays at a very early age!

I wasn’t sociable! I preferred to be alone!

Not liking certain sensory things (like, washing my hair! I hated it. I never wanted my hair washed and I still don’t. And I definitely hate loud noises and loud people!)

Get your medical notes if you’re chronically sick, or have a lot of problems in mental health. You can learn so much about yourself. I’m glad I asked for it years ago and I’m glad I’m now getting round to reading them.

[jaitropdonglets]

Think you might be Autistic?

What to consider when embarking on an Autism diagnosis

10min read

When I was 20, a long time ago now!, I went to my GP feeling sick, with symptoms that included a sore throat, fever, a stuffy nose, and headaches. He quickly diagnosed me with a throat infection and prescribed a course of antibiotics.

More than a week later, having finished the antibiotics, and, having not improved but gotten worse, I went back to see him. He referred me for blood tests, and I waited for the results.

By this time I was climbing the walls, unable to sleep thanks to a severely swollen throat and an utterly blocked nose that made breathing feel almost impossible, especially when I was lying down. It was Brisbane summer, but even during the day I was so cold that I started locking myself in my car in the sun as my only means of warming up.

The blood test came back positive for Epstein-Barr virus, and the GP told me I had, not a throat infection, but glandular fever (some readers outside Australia might know it better as mononucleosis, or mono).

The worst of the virus lasted almost four weeks, but I didn’t feel like I fully recovered for several months after that.

The period I was on antibiotics definitely made things worse. During that week or so, I developed a rash and couldn’t unblock my airways, with a sensation like constant dripping from a tap running down the back of my throat.

In researching to write this piece I learned that: A more intense and extensive cutaneous eruption (the dripping) appears in up to 90 percent of patients with infectious mononucleosis 2–10 days after starting antibiotics.

There have even been papers published about Amoxicillin-associated rash.

Would I have gotten better more quickly if the GP had diagnosed me with glandular fever the first time I saw him? Would my symptoms have been less severe?

You could easily make the case that it’s impossible to tell. But I did feel worse after starting the antibiotics. I did get that rash. And the rash did disappear not long after I had finished off the antibiotics themselves.

The misdiagnosis in my view was telling. But, again during my research for writing this story, I learnt that it isn’t uncommon when discerning glandular fever from several other illnesses and conditions.

And so it is for Autism — a hidden disability. One it seems many clinicians, because of a lack of training and awareness, don’t even consider when a patient presents to them.

But that still doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seek a formal diagnosis for Autism if you’re able to.

Reasons for choosing to self-diagnose as Autistic

I know that for a lot of people just the suggestion that you should consider seeking a formal diagnosis for Autism will be difficult to stomach — especially depending on what part of the world you live in, your gender, race, or culture. That’s why I’m covering this section first.

So let me say right off the bat that self-diagnosis of Autism is valid.

There are so many reasons not to chase a formal diagnosis, and if you are Autistic, or suspect that you are, then the mere thought of upsetting the potentially delicate balance of your life and subjecting yourself to a diagnostic process that defines and describes a person’s level of Autism by their deficits, not their strengths and abilities, can be a difficult sell.

We unfortunately live in a world that largely rejects, and can at times be completely intolerant to, difference. And Autism is an all-encompassing difference for the Autistic person, whether or not you have a formal diagnosis, or even know that you’re Autistic to begin with.

We also live in a world constructed around a version of normal that is out of step in so many ways, but one that most of us (I’ll include myself here because for 52 years I tried like hell — and often ‘failed’ — to live up to that idea of ‘normal’) seem willing to die and to kill for.

The world can be a scary place for those of us who don’t measure up to ‘the ideal’, who won’t or can’t conform to the views and expectations of others. And this can make many people, especially older people who have lived half (or more than half) of their lives suffering in silence because they weren’t diagnosed as a child, and because they’ve gotten so good at hiding who they really are.

Burying or suppressing the Autistic person you don’t even know that you are, through masking or camouflaging, means that the signs and characteristics of Autism aren’t obvious to the people around you — even those you’re closest to. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t know, deep down, that you’re hiding something, a difference that has either kept you isolated or attracted you to others who may also be neurodivergent.

Formal diagnosis of Autism is expensive, can be traumatic because of the inadequate, ‘narrow’ diagnostic criteria, and invalidating for so many reasons; not least, some of those I’ve already outlined, including our ability to ‘blend in’ and, notably, difficulty finding clinicians who actually know what to look for when diagnosing someone as Autistic. My own referring psychiatrist didn’t actually believe I was Autistic (but rather possessed “Autistic traits”) and only referred me on for further evaluation because of my own insistence.

Not everyone therefore will have the means, or feel that putting themselves through the scrutiny and potential prejudice of exploring an Autism diagnosis is right for them.

And, unlike me, you may simply feel a formal diagnosis isn’t necessary because your own belief that you’re Autistic is enough.

So what are the benefits of getting a formal Autism diagnosis?

I had been thinking about writing on this topic for a while, as a result of my own experiences, and after reading a lot of material this year, including a book by adult neuropsychologist Theresa Regan, who also happens to have an Autistic son.

But what prompted me to write this story this week was my wife telling me about a recent study in England that estimates more than 9 in 10 Autistic people aged 50 and older may be undiagnosed.

I’m sure this situation is mirrored worldwide, including in Australia where I am. And as someone who, until recently, fell within this subset of undiagnosed Autistic people, I want to continue to raise awareness about Autism and let older Autistics know that they aren’t alone in feeling somewhat alien in this world.

For the study, lead investigator and professor of neurodevelopmental conditions at University College London in England William Mandy surveyed more than 5 million medical records between 2000 and 2018 to track when people received their diagnosis.

Results revealed that a diagnosis for Autism was far more common among children and adolescents than it was for adults, ranging from 2.94 percent of 10- to 14-year-olds — who, the study’s team suggests, are more likely to have access to the best diagnostic services — to only 0.02 percent of people aged 70 and up.

These findings are in keeping with the relatively recent emergence of Autism as a condition in its own right. Autism only appeared in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders in 1980, with its inclusion very narrow in scope compared to the condition we know today.

(Incidentally, the criteria for Autism outlined in the latest iteration of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders — the DSM5 — is, in my view, still sorely lacking and not reflective of the wide-ranging experiences of many Autistic people, so here’s hoping there is a massive leap forward when the DSM6 is released.)

As Theresa Regan explains in her book ‘Understanding Autism in Adults and Aging Adults’:

“In addition to the need for awareness of Autism in the absence of intellectual disability, there is a tremendous need for individuals who understand adult medical and mental health conditions to also be well-versed in the unique neurology of the Autism spectrum. Because of its developmental nature, much of the initial focus on Autism has been within the areas of paediatric medicine, early intervention services, and the school systems. Clinicians who specialise in Autism, therefore, are almost primarily paediatric specialists. Because Autism is a condition across the entire lifespan, clinicians who are expert in adult and geriatric care need to be just as expert as paediatric clinicians in the area of Autism diagnosis and services.”

But, as has been my experience, and I’m sure has been yours, this is very often not the case, and makes receiving a formal diagnosis difficult for so many older undiagnosed Autistics.

Still, despite everything I’ve already written in this article, if you do suspect that you might be Autistic, I say: Go for it! For me at least, the benefits far out way the negatives. But only if you are ready, emotionally, to stay the course.

The first chance I potentially had to be diagnosed Autistic actually took place not too many years after I was misdiagnosed with a throat infection rather than glandular fever, but with a different GP.

I had attended this time with a particularly nasty rash that the doctor attributed to stress, telling me further that I was suffering with depression, and, that I could be bipolar.

Uncomfortable with this idea, and not wanting to put myself through any more than I had to at the time, I promptly ignored his assessment and resolved to do nothing further.

Almost 30 years later, at the beginning of 2022, after a lifetime of trying to be the person I was “supposed” to be, I found myself at breaking point.

While I am actually glad now that I wasn’t diagnosed Autistic as a child, I am, in far greater measure, ecstatic that I have my diagnosis.

A long-lost but very good friend of mine recently captured the feeling better than I ever could when he wrote in an email to me: I’m happy you’ve found something you can point at and go — fuck that’s it. From that point the only way is healing and up I reckon. Obviously nothing’s ever easy but there’s no need to go around life asking yourself wtf is going on with me. (I don’t believe he’ll mind me including this. I hope not anyway! 🙂)

Misdiagnosis is perhaps one of the most insidious aspects of healthcare. While I’m not suggesting any health professional ever sets out to misdiagnose anyone, Autism, being as complex and misunderstood as it is, is rife for this type of outcome. It’s also especially likely in people who present without any intellectual disability, of which there are many, and particularly if you’re older.

It is generally a misplaced assumption that people are better served if we do not “label” them with a diagnosis. In my experience, people label each other regardless of whether it is with a diagnosis or not. The question is not whether an individual is described by a label or by a set of characteristics, but whether the description is accurate and helpful. - Theresa Regan ‘Understanding Autism in Adults and Aging Adults 2nd Edition’

Receiving a correct, formal diagnosis has allowed me to access services and benefits I wouldn’t have even been able to apply for if I’d stuck with self-diagnosis alone. I would not have been able to afford to see the health professionals I am now seeing, nor take part in the Autism courses I am now embarking on.

I also believe a formal diagnosis makes it easier (not guaranteed, definitely not that) for family and friends to reach some measure of acceptance that I am indeed Autistic, even if it’s still something that’s difficult for some (many?) to completely come to grips with.

It may also help non-Autistic loved ones, friends, colleagues, and employers understand why you experience certain things differently to them or need to draw limits with time and activities when they do not.

Receiving a formal diagnosis might allow you to safely stop taking medication you may have been using for many years for a condition you don’t actually have — medication that might be doing you little good or may even be harmful.

A formal diagnosis will definitely allow you to stop trying to be something and someone you’re not — and I can’t express in mere words in this here blog what a wonderful feeling that is and how healing it can be.

In short, any progress I’ve been able to make during these past months I largely attribute to my formal diagnosis and, consequently, the supports I have been able to access.

Hopefully, if you’re a regular reader, you will be able to tell through the stories I write, that there has been some positive development in terms of recovery from this current bout of Autistic burnout.

If you, dear reader, are someone who has never understood why you’ve struggled to navigate the world, perhaps it’s because you yourself are an undiagnosed Autistic adult. And the world is exclusively designed for non-Autistic people — not people like you and me.

Whichever way you go after reading this article, formal- or self-diagnosis, make sure you do take action to change your life where possible so that you start living it on your terms — as an Autistic person — to help reduce the risk of ongoing Autistic burnout.

I can speak from personal experience about the damage done to one’s mental health by sticking your head in the proverbial sand.

My own first steps to diagnosis included using some of these screening toolsas a way of helping me decide if a more formal assessment would even be an option. Only after taking the Autism Quotient at least five times, and trying to be as non-Autistic as possible when it appeared (egads!) that I might actually be Autistic, did I seek out the referring psychiatrist I mentioned earlier.

Perhaps most importantly of all, find people to support you — not invalidate you — on your journey, read a blog like this one, or find and join an online Autistic community.

I hope that next year I will be able to expand my little website to include a podcast or similar, and add strings to the support I’m able to provide to older, late-diagnosed Autistic people.

But in the meantime I’ll do what I can here, and continue focusing on living my own life on my terms as much as is possible. Because ultimately, whether you get a formal diagnosis for Autism or not, that is, in my view, the best medicine.

[whatsonmedia]

My Advice? Don't Go Making Assumptions 

Just Because You See People Like us, Don't Immediately Assume The Basic Obvious  Last month in September a charity came under scrutiny over a photo collage that it used as part of a campaign it was launching. Now even the charity itself came under fire for what it did the concept, in my perspective, was quite an honourable one. The basics of it was to try and educate people from making assumptions about people with disabilities based on first appearances. Now as someone who lives with a Learning Disability I totally agree with the general gist of the idea. Now just in case you are at odds with what the advert was about it was based on the negative connotations and the typical scenario thinking behind them. I'll give you a quick example of some of the things I have experienced just to give you an idea of the sort of thing I'm on about. I myself am Autistic, and as an individual on the Autistic Spectrum a lot of people have frequently gone by the belief that we simply can't cope with sudden changes in routine, don't like crowds or noisy places and prefer to be left to our own company. Or be it limited. Well first of all I will tell you exactly what I strongly believe is incorrect about all of that. First of all, I don't mind noisy crowded places, it's only when I need to think I'll go somewhere quieter. I work in a profession where the working landscape can change at any given moment and I actually like those sort of challenges and welcome them. For me, it's because I get to challenge my limits so I know what needs work and what doesn't. Occasionally I'll even change my own routine if I'm bored senseless by it. Where company is concerned I'm all for it, I even enjoy working with my colleagues as I've had moments where I've had to work alone, and I'll be straight up about it; I didn't like it at all. My reasons, I found it lonely, isolating and occasionally depressing. The basic assumption i got, and quite often was, 'we know you better than you do'. Basically I've had superiors who, for whatever reasons, believed that they knew more about my disability than I did. Like the advertisement, I had to challenge this head on, quite a bit.  Let me give you another example of an assumption I had thrown at me, and this was one that I had when I was around pre-school/play group years. Also it was one that I had absolutely no idea had even been made and only learnt about it many years later. Basically when I was a very small child and somewhere into being diagnosed on the Autistic Spectrum, my parents were told by a Specialist Doctor (or someone) that I would never be able to read, write or talk properly. In other words I would grow up going through life not being able to do an awful lot for myself and that I practically be dependent on others for life no doubt. Now you can imagine what that must've been like for my parents to have been told that, and for me to learn that many years later. Absolutely shocking. Basically, due to a serious lack of knowledge and understanding I had been completely written off for the rest of my life before I had even begun it. All because of an 'assumption' which was fuelled by negative connotations  I can recall a situation from my time at college which actually supports this. When I was doing an art course in the early 00's a female student joined after a few weeks. We were informed in advance that she was hard of hearing. Now because of her problems we altered our verbal communication aka opening our mouths more when we spoke to her and slowed our speech a little. Now there's a moment I can remember clearly, and I have mentioned this in past columns I think. Me and a couple of my course mates happened to be having a conversation and our new course mate became subject of the talk. Another girl who happened to be something of a big gob openly made snide comments saying it probably wouldn't matter if we slagged her (the heard of hearing girl) off as she's deaf and wouldn't hear it. As with all clichés the very same girl walked up behind her and I clearly recall saying how she wasn't deaf but rather just hard of hearing before pointing out that she was in fact right behind her. I then pointed her out. Little Miss Big Mouth went red with embarrassment. Oh how I giggled at the girl's stupidity and all because she assumed the girl was completely deaf. If you were to ask my advice I'd happily say this; don't underestimate my intelligence and capabilities, I can do more than you think. Next time you see a deaf person, talk to their face, not the translator. Just because someone's blind don't go thinking they can't move around independently. Read the full article

[autismcastielwinchester]

If there’s any autistic people out there who want to start a sport or meet new people I genuinely suggest you start archery because it’s like the autistic sport

It’s a sport that thrives on repetition and doing the exact same thing over and over again whether it’s 60 arrows or 144 you want to be doing the exact same thing for all of them

The sport is entirely individual so it’s a lot easier to set boundaries with what you are able to do without being worried that you’ll be affecting a team because the only person that matters is you

It’s extremely adaptable, in the U.K there are 4 bow styles in competition which doesn’t even cover all of the bows which you are able to shoot. All of them have a different feel and are all very different so it’s very easy to find something that works for you

Along with the many different types of bows you can get there’s so many different components that the research is so fun and they’re made of different materials like deciding on arrows is actually harder than you’d think

It has a long and interesting history and let me tell you the levels of info dumping about archery at archery competitions is insane it’s a wealth of knowledge in people and I’ve learnt if anyone can talk it’s archers

Not only do you build strength in your back and your core you also get so many steps in like I’ll check my phone after an outdoor competition and I’ll have done like 20,000 steps just from walking back and forth to the target and not even realised

It’s also a great way to meet people because you’re often in a field for hours and there’s plenty of opportunities to talk when you’re not shooting, even at competitions you’re on a target with other people and you have the conman interest of archery so conversations just start flowing and this is coming from someone who has massive problems and really struggles in social situations. It’s helped me massively and I don’t think I would have made it through the year if not for the people I met in archery

You will look cool as fuck and when people ask about your hobbies people think it’s so interesting

[anxiouslyextroverted]

any hot takes about anything?

I got heaps but the main 2 I've been thinking of currently have been.

I do not like people who tell me that me saying "I have autism" is bad.

I do not like the quote 'practice makes perfect'

So the first one about autism. I got my autism diagnosed at 6 and from that point onwards especially at school, my autism was seen by everyone as just my identity, I was called autistic as an insult on the daily basis and multiple slurs. so the idea that people are trying to say to me that "I'm autistic > I have autism" is weird to me cuz not only have I experienced more ableism from people that have used the "identity first" language, but I also have used these terms interchangeably. Its not that I see autism as a disease, I just used them interchangeably. but I always prefered saying "I have autism" because it makes me feel more comfortable seeing Autism as this extra thing to me rather than just my whole identity because my whole life I've had to convince so many people that no, autism is not just my identity, I have a personality outside of my autism diagnosis ffs. So yeah. Whenever psychologists and people in general saw me as "autistic" that was fine until they made it my entire being. My parents, friends, helper teachers would always say "Oh you're shy right now, thats you being autistic" "oh you're talking a lot its cuz you're autistic" , "You're not introverted, you're autistic." Its fine to use identity first language ofc if it validates you to be proud of autism, but I wish ppl would undestand that there are so many people that are uncomfortable with just being seen as 'autistic' as their identity, when I just can't see autism as my identity. So many times where I've had to tell people all my life "I'm me. My autism BARELY effects me." and im sorry if that is insensitive but its an objective fact for me that my autism does not effect me nearly as much as my helper teachers, friends and family claimed it did. I hope that explains why I just get so annoyed when people try to change my way of seeing it srry. Autism is not who I am. I'm me before my autism. Personality comes first.

And the second one about the practice makes perfect. I have been drawing since I was 7 years old. I drew on the daily basis both digitally and traditionally and I'm 20 now and you'd think I'd be at a pro level since I have been drawing every single day since 7 but no... I'm barely even intermediate. I'm average, I can't even draw angles or perspective and it took me last week to actually know how to draw lighting + lineart. So Practice doesn't always make perfect. What makes you good at things is practicing the right way. My years of drawing never worked out because I am naturally a messy person who can't draw angles and shit like that, I was learning how to draw overall rather than focusing on fundamentals (watching tutorials on how to draw manga chars rather than tutorials on anatomy ect is oof), I treated art like a stim rather than actually focusing like I would dissociate always and not think whilst drawing, memory bad, I have blind optimism which is just seeing things as way better than they really are. It srsly didn't help that so many of my friends learnt how to draw like a pro within 2 WEEKS which was insane to me. So yeah I just hate that quote. I'd ague that even practicing the right way may not even work either, some people just arent born for certain things. Like aphantasia and dyslcalculia seriously impact my ability to draw. Oh and this didn't just happen with drawing but with dancing too, I danced ever since 3 and I should be a pro but I'm not and all my practice amounted to nothing.

so ye theres some takes ig. The 2nd ones less controversial but I just feel so strongly about it cuz im sick of artists in particular getting told "just try" "just draw everyday" "just practice" and fuck it, its how i feel about exposure therapy too. I did performing in front people + public speaking since i was 9 and it never once improved my social anxiety infact I'm pret sure it made it worse. "oh you have social anxiety. just do confident things" bro that doesn't always work for peoplee

[sleepless-in-transitory-thoughts]

Living the dreams of the boy who never saw the light of day:

I went to the casting for Erik Yvon's AFW runway show. It was the first casting I have ever gone to for anything. Basjia was kind enough to put a number of people forward for casting and I was one of them. Just this one act of kindness, made me feel seen. It is really nice to feel like someone out here, believes you are capable of something that you doubt you have the look or ability to do. I know that I love and believe in myself, but others may or may not (which I am okay with...but it does feel really nice when others see you).

I don't have any particular attachment to getting it or not. I am just grateful that I got to experience doing a casting. I never in my life thought I would ever get the opportunity to do casting for anything. So doing this casting is honestly more than I could ever ask for already--teenage/early twenties me would think thirty-six year old Shin is so cool. At the same time, I believe that I am living my early twenties the way I deserved to live it the first time round but never got to. As wise as I am now, I feel like I'm ageing backwards (perks of being trans and autistic, I guess...hah).

I used to be an extremely shy and anxious person. I would get extremely self-conscious and feel a lot of shame eating in front of people other than my family, when I was a teenager, just as an extreme example. I would also freeze up socially because I didn't really know what to say or do. Also, when I first started to play dj sets here in Melbourne about 7 or 8 years ago now, I would get crippling stage fright. I would be trembling as I was using the CDJs and mixer. Words cannot describe the amount shame, self-hatred, unrealistic pressure and extreme anxiety I used to experience over absolutely everything. It was a truly suffocating existence.

Nowadays, I walk balls, pose for photos and I perform in front of many people. Whilst I still get very nervous and anxious, I can mostly get myself through it and any shame around looking dumb or doing it wrong, is manageable. Me doing a casting in front of people who work in the fashion industry, one of the most daunting and most toxic industries, is a massive achievement. To me, I had already fulfilled a dream. Anything beyond this, is a beautiful gift and experience that I will cherish and make the most of for however short or long a time it lasts. I might add also, that one of my techniques for easing anxiety is to have no expectation of an outcome in the first place. Because anxiety is about gaining control of future outcomes that are usually bad (so basically, anticipating disappointment, hurt, loss etc). When you don't expect anything, you are free from the attachment to the source of your expectations. Expectations seek to acquire, which is okay and normal for things like, when I go to Coles, I expect that the price for a 1.25L Sprite is under $5.

I think I am fast learning that I don't need to search too hard to find myself. I love, appreciate and admire who I have become today and how I continue to learn and grow as a human walking the soil of this dying planet. I know that I am a much better person than I used to be. I have made mistakes and I have hurt people and myself in the past, but I have learnt forgiveness for myself and that I must continue my learnings and make good of them henceforth.

Whatever happens with this casting is beyond my control now and I am okay with that. I do not create friction or flow against the fabrics of what is already in motion. I do not fret over what I do not know about this. I have full acceptance of what is--and what is has not yet arrived. Until it arrives, it does not exist in my universe. I do not interact with what does not exist materially for me in this physical realm and dimension. That is called a delusion. Sometimes an obsession, a yearning for, a desperation...a crease and a friction in the fabric of destiny.

[sebastard69]

Hello! Sooo could you give us more information for autistic genshin characters? (honestly felt that alhaitham could be neurodivergent since the beginning so hhhhhhh)

Btw, do you have any reliable sources to learn about autism and such? I learnt recently that I may be autistic (self-diagnosed but the results speak for themselves) and I really want to know more about it

I'm also self-diagnosed! A lot of my information has come from other autistic people I've made connections with, as well as some websites like spectrumnews or additudemag - though these sites I simply used as a springboard for more in-depth research I did during my psychology and sociology classes using peer reviewed papers and studies. It's been a while since I did my own research, however, so I no longer have links to the papers I used :( The good news is that Google has a specific search engine for research papers here, if dense research papers are your speed!

And I would LOVE to give more information on autistic genshin characters! This is a bit of a long one, so I'll stick my explanations under a read more!

Albedo and Shenhe are kind of obvious imo, they have the classic "low empathy" thing going on (which I find that to be such a misnomer, autistics don't have low empathy we just express it differently), and struggle to understand and express emotions. Albedo uses art and alchemy to try and understand the world around him while Shenhe tries to find logical explanations for the concept of friendship.

Cyno is one of my favorite examples! He is not very expressive, he has an intense sense of justice, he is fiercely loyal to those he considers friends, and the entire reason he tells such bad jokes is because he recognizes his shortcomings and wants to be a better leader to the other Matra. He knows jokes can help ease tension and build morale, but he doesn't have the same sense of humor as most other people and tends to assume their lack of laughter is from a lack of understanding so he over-explains them a lot.

Tighnari's special interest is botany and medicine! He also has a strong sense of justice and left the akademiya to pursue what he believes to be a just and worthy cause. He has a tendency to get frustrated with people who don't understand him and he's protective of the people he's taken into his care. He's not exactly the Too Expressive kind of autistic, but he is more expressive than Cyno - who, btw, he is an expert at reading and understanding even when Cyno doesn't speak. In the 3.2 archon quest, he says something about Cyno seeming more lonely than usual, despite Cyno's demeanor and expression seemingly never changing.

Alhaithammmmm I love him he's just like me fr fr. Another person with a strong sense of justice, and he has a need for things to make sense at all times. If he doesn't understand it, he'll keep digging until he does, no matter what and the main reason he helps you in the archon quest is because of his own curiosity. His sense of humor strikes me as very autistic, too, but in a distinctly different way than Cyno's is. He is INCREDIBLY blunt, literally says "I do what I want" more or less, and is very adamant about the fact that "you can't save everyone."

Nahida is tricky because I know a lot of people will say that she is the way she is because she was locked up for 500 years, but I don't see that as a valid explanation. She has the ability to enter peoples' dreams and frequently ventured into the world in Katherine's body, and had the means to observe and learn about human behavior - something she spent 500 years doing. And yet it seems she's learned barely anything because she tends to try and turn emotions into logical reasoning and it doesn't work that way. During the archon quest, she gets confused by the traveler's response to things multiple times because she'd predicted a different outcome based on a logical inference she made using data collected from humans over 500 years. This is how she perceives the world and processes new information, almost like a computer. Sounds VERY autistic to me.

Diluc is, again, a character that struggles to express himself emotionally and has a strong sense of justice - that's a recurring theme in Genshin I noticed. He consistently does heroic things but does not see himself as worthy of being called a hero because of past mistakes, and struggles to reconcile his feelings in regards to Kaeya because of this sense of justice i.e he loves Kaeya and misses his brother, but can't forgive him for lying. (Or for when he chose to come clean, which honestly is very fair because that was like the worst possible moment to do so)

"Ok, but Razor was raised by wolves, so of course he struggles socially, etc etc etc!" Boring, lame, dumb take. Razor was, and still is, taught by Lisa very regularly. He struggles to articulate himself and speak not because he doesn't know how, it's just hard for him. When you put him in your teapot one of the first conversations you can have with him involves him expressing a desire to get better at speaking regularly and he asks you to help him practice, it's very sweet tbh. He is socially anxious and struggles to express himself.

The more I think about Klee the more I realize she's probably both autistic and has adhd. Her special interest is bombs, she has a habit of breaking rules even though she knows exactly what will happen if she does, and she's a little hyperactive. It's hard to say exactly whether all of that is both or just one because she's young, but I say both.

Yanfei! My gorl! Special interest is law and crime, has a strong sense of justice, she uses her understanding of law and civil code to express herself, is a little socially inept (but what adeptus isn't) but thrives when she meets people she meshes well with - like Yelan or Shinobu!

I know none of this was Mihoyo's intent, stuff like this rarely is, but I revel in finding bits of myself in the media I enjoy nonetheless!

[aidansloth]

this is my first time posting on Tumblr so constructive criticism/tips are appreciated <3

disclaimer, English is not my first language sorry if there are any mistakes

Gareth Emerson Headcanons (General):

he has ADHD

probably undiagnosed, but he researched about it and talked to his mom, she was really supportive but they don't have the money to get him diagnosed, so she does the best she can to understand him and do her own research

he also has 2 younger sisters (I think their ages would be around 7 and 11? A lot younger though) which 'force' (he enjoys it) him to play dress-up and have tea parties with them and their plushes

this would include Gareth's old plushies too (cute bats and a raccoon)

he loves his sisters so much ok-

on that note, he's a feminist 100%, as in he corrects other people on misogynistic behaviour and calls out other guys too

and also anti-racist

I'm so in love with him I can't-

he's also protective of his mom, since I headcanon that his dad was abusive, but they left once things got really bad and that's when they moved to Hawkins

this happened when he was like 11, he arrived during the school year and didn't talk to other people unless he had to

his mother was really worried about him, and that's when Eddie saw the cool introverted kid that liked D&D and decided he was going to be friends with him

they realised they both liked the same stuff and in no time Jeff and Kevin (the other guy with no name) tagged along

Gareth's mom loves his friends since they got him out of his shell

moving on, he's sarcastic like 99% of the time

Jeff loves to watch other people not understanding his sarcasm

because of his ADHD he often forgets to eat so his mom or sisters have to remind him

he also forgets to bring lunch a lot of the time so the Hellfire club learnt to always bring some extra food for him

Eddie and Gareth bond over being neurodivergent ('cause Eddie's autistic)

he stims and fidgets all the time, mostly by drumming his fingers on any surface available, but also bouncing his leg or tapping his foot

often his hyperfixations are new bands/singers, but also likes to learn about animals so he will just talk about hours about whatever animal he has his mind on

somehow always misplaces his drumsticks and has to buy new ones everytime (then he finds them under the sofa 7 months later)

either that or he breaks the drumsticks out of anger (that's very cishet man of him)

yes he has anger issues and drumming is his outlet

he also has anxiety and sometimes pulls all nighters just to perfection something he's making (like a patch, D&D figurines he's painting or a drawing)

yes I decided he likes sketching, but he doesn't think he's very good so he barely shows his art to other people

he often draws landscapes from Eddie's campaigns but also his D&D characters

I read someone else's headcanon on this, so don't credit me (don't remember who said it sorry), but because he stays up late he uses that time to study and catch up on homework otherwise he wouldn't do it

he just finds it easier to concentrate at night when everything is calm

all his pins are gifts from his friends or his mom

he made his cut-off flannel by himself one night he was bored and ended up loving it

he likes red but it's no his favourite colour, it's green

he's either bisexual or pansexual and identifies as demiboy (I don't care if it's the 80s, he does)

he knows how to cook basic things, just for when his mom has to work late and he has to make dinner for sisters

they love his cooking

doesn't really believe people when they compliment him, given he has been bullied most of his life for his hobbies and who he is, but doesn't correct people

if they compliment him he just thanks them because he doesn't want to put up a fight

one thing that he's very confident about is his skills on the drums (and his style obviously)

he feels like the dad/mom friend

he also has plants and has named all of them (they all have names of his favourite drummers and musicians)

would absolutely burst out crying if one of them were to die

also collects crystals or just pretty rocks

he loves tiger's eye (I don't remember if that's the exact name sorry)

this is pretty much what everybody said but loves Dr. Pepper

he would also love Monster, especially the Pacific Punch one (I am not projecting ok-)

had to share a room with his 12 year-old sister when they were little but once they moved he got his own and has never been happier

his room is covered in empty cans, vinyls and mixtapes

always forgets to throw away those empty cans and other rubbish

he tries okay

but other than that, it's all very clean and tidy

he tries to clean it every week but the rubbish always seems to pile up

his walls are covered in band posters and some drawings his sisters made of/for him

of course his plants on the balcony, and has a special hanger for his cut-off flannel

honorary mention to this man's thighs please

and his tummy

I love him.

he would be insicure about it though, cause you know, society

would rather die than use a 3 in 1 bodywash

and I respect that

he's always cold- I mean, he's wearing 3 layers in SPRING

so yeah his favourite season is winter, he loves curling up on the sofa with a soft blanket and a cup of hot chocolate

is scared of cockroaches, actually any bug

and the dark (he has a cute nightlight that he's had since he was a kid)

you know the scene when Eddie jumps on the table and everyone but Gareth is looking at him? he really said "here we go again", he literally looks so tired

he's just dealing with his theatrics on a daily basis

tired dad friend

he's really into astrology

he'll go "that's very Capricorn of you" at people

he once said something along those lines to Eddie

they didn't speak to each other for a week

loves bubble baths with scented candles and shit

on that note, he has a lot of scented candles for when Eddie comes to hang out so his sisters don't smell cigarette smoke (or weed-)

he would smell of his mom's freshly baked cinnamon cookies and coconut shampoo

because his little sisters get hurt very easily he's very good at patching people up

also has experience with periods because his mom taught him like the queen she is, also his sister already started hers so he often makes her tea and warms up her heating pad

he's either a Leo or a Cancer I don't make the rules

I'm sure I have others but I can't think of them right now (if there's enough I'll make a part 2)

<33