#also i know ‘i love you eureka’ is a line in the song but i can just say that as a sentence because FUUUUUCK i love this song

[bonecommotion]

✮ I love you, Eureka ✮

[kanmom51]

Hi. Recently discovered your blog.I am having fun reading it.. You nice keep going 💜

I was just listening to Letter and thinking how fast we moved on from it.

The ending lines from the song literally broke my heart into pieces

🎶because we don't know what days await us,

though it's scary , though we're afraid Never forget that we are together🎶

the way these lines always makes me wanna cry . They are literally sharing with us that they are afraid of what comes ahead in future for them as a couple. The kind of society they are living in. We sometimes tend to forget the kind of fear Jimin and Jungkook must be living with. It must be so hard on them it breaks my heart.

But I know they both are strong and together they are stronger and i want them to know that we jikookers will be there to support them and we all together will be the strongest.

also Jimin wrote this song for Jungkook and no one can change my mind. When Jimin wrote this song Jungkook was on his mind, when Jimin released it as a hidden track Jungkook was on his mind and while Jimin was saying this is a fan song.. Mr.Jungkook was on his mind.

Letter for me stands right next to GCF at Tokyo.

Letter. Omg, I love that song. Can I just sit there and listen to it on repeat? Although not a very good idea, cause I just wouldn't stop crying.

Those lines at the end, JK joining in, confirming their together, so so beautiful and emotional, and definitely not for Army.

It's not only their own society they fear @youaremyparkfilter.

They know the fandom. They know the good, the bad and the extremely ugly of it. They know that coming out as queer individually will be a big issue for many fans, even more so for JK's stans (it is what it is).

But coming out as a queer couple, that will be a massive earthquake in the fandom. And again, nothing to do with how it will be accepted or rejected in Korea.

In Korea both JM and JK are loved, adored (yes there are haters, but there always are, you just cannot be loved by everyone). People that lifted them to where they are, Princes of Busan, the black and white couple, the sun and moon couple, people that see them as a representation of SK in the world and say it out loud, how loved they are, how proud they are of them.

In saying that, I think that a big lump of those don't actually see them as a queer couple, they just can't envision it, as queer is such an alien notion to them. Even with all their shenanigans. That's the whole glass closet and stretching boundaries within their reality as Kpop idols. Many people, in Korea and out, even if they acknowledge their closeness, do not or will not see beyond it into maybe, just maybe, them being a queer couple.

If they ever do 'come out', there will be those in Korea that do flip flop on them (and I'm not talking about the ones that throw hate at them already), although I personally think not as many as feared. They have been loved for such a long time, it will be harder to turn around and suddenly hate on them (although sometimes the line between love and hate is very thin). Not to mention how hard it will be for people, officials as well, to flip back on calling them the face of Korea, pride of Korea etc.

Make no mistake though, there will be a lot of hate (and it will be very loud, as we all know very well), and their families would receive a big chunk of it (easier/softer targets because of who and what JM and JK and BTS represent).

I think many would take pause, they would perhaps be initially shocked (some not so much, more like a eureka moment for them, like "oh, that explains everything..."), but at the end of the day the blow to their careers won't be the level of Holland's. Because of who they are, because of others that are paving the way (including Holland), because let's be honest here, they are artists and want to continue creating and performing and succeeding, but even if they take a hit their fandom is so friggin huge that whatever happens they will continue to succeed, and I do believe they will gain fans too because of that brave move, because of people realizing just how much their art is representative of themselves. Not to mention the level of impact it will have in Korea for recognition and acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community. In a society like Korea you have the very loud anti LGBTQ+ religious groups, you have those with the old fashioned backwards way of thinking, you have those that don't think or care either way (as long as it doesn't concern them) and you have those that are part of the LGBTQ+ community or support it and their fight for equal rights and protection by law. On that spectrum I believe you will find that a big piece of society can be swayed. And people like that who will see these two young men who they have grown to love come out as queer, they can have a change of mind, a moment of enlightenment/ realization that perhaps love is love is love. Maybe that's me being over optimistic, but I really don't think so. Because that's how change is made. That is how change was made in the West.

But, there will always be a price, and all of this is purely speculation (no way of me knowing just how bad it could get for them). It's their lives, their safety, their careers on the line and they are the ones that are living this reality and having to hide who they are and who they love at the moment, and will be living this conundrum on a daily basis.

So to sum it up, I believe there will be a hit but not a crushing one to their careers if they ever do decide to take that step. I'm not expecting it of them though. I know it will be a huge step forward for the LGBTQ+ community in SK if they do, but it's their lives, their careers, their loved ones, their decision.

It's a bloody scary thing to do, and it impacts not only them but also their families, their loved ones, their bandmates. This is a decision they will have to make together, and they will most likely make some sort of decision post MS. One way or another, I think things will change post MS. Contracts will change too. Just how much it will change, that is the million dollar question.

God, did I digress....

After saying all of that, I do want to back pedal a bit to your ask and to those specific lines in Letter.

I think they engulf not only the fear of being a queer couple in an unfriendly society, but also the upcoming uncertain future of military service, being apart for such a long time after being together for what seems like forever, not being able to be there for each other in this oh so scary new reality of military service that is looming over them. The uncertainty of this time to come and what lies ahead. All of that is engulfed into those lines of the song.

Anyway, the song is beautiful.

The song is a love song. And we aren't the recipients of said letter, said love song.

Letter is a song for JK disguised as a song for army.

Letter is addressed to JK, for army to hear.

[styrmwb]

Favorite Final Fantasy Music (FFIII)

3

holy shit why is that first line so big??? I am not good at this website but fuck it I'm keeping it cause it's funny (future styrm: this isn't big in some views???? i don't understand) FFIII is my admitted least favorite (note: not bad! just least favorite! least best, even, c tier at worst) FF game, but I still think it has some good tracks so Let Me Share My Onions (see this is funny because I call opinions onions sometimes and onion knight is what you start as see it's a good joke) This is also a case of I think the PR is the absolute best version of this soundtrack but I can't find a good upload of it so if you can listen to any of those versions of these songs please do so 5. The Forbidden Land, Eureka I just really like the melody of this one! I think it's fun. It also sounds very heroic, which I think works really well for the final (4) dungeon(s). Not much else to say I just like it :)

4. Crystal Cave This is such a good first area theme. Something I think I just like about FFIII's music is the kind of like, twinkling? I think? I don't know the music words, but anyways that twinkling that a lot of the good songs have, it makes me think of crystals! And thinking of crystals in FF is good. I also attribute some of me liking this to my first experience with this song being Labyrinth of the Ancients in XIV so when I first got here in my III playthrough I did the soyjak point cause OHHH IT'S THE SONG

3. Eternal Wind Everyone knows this one. This is like, the one thing that FFIII has done for the world (lie), it's got 20,000,000 different versions and not one is bad (i'm not fond of the DS one). I do think I personally like this song more because of the connection to the rest of the series (XIV), but I think it has a very nice melody, and is probably the best overworld theme of the NES games. Special shoutouts to the Dissidia version, which sounds something straight out of the early internet and I love it, probably my favorite version.

2. The Dark Crystals This song is magical. I love the soft harp/piano (depending on the version) backing the song, and the quiet calm melody. It perfectly feels like a dark, empty void realm, walking on crystal, but then it hypes up, reminding you that "oh this is the final dungeon out of my 4 segment long super tower of fun" and that you're the big heroes about to save the world

1. Last Battle This song. This song is so good. Yeah sure I might be cliche picking the final boss theme as my favorite song but I do not care and I will most likely continue to do so cause I'm a generic bitch! I love the build up. It sounds perfectly creepy like you are in the dark and this evil force is growing, then it goes into the big epic finale battle, all awesome, perfect for getting hit with 72,000 giant laser beams because it only has one attack Special shoutouts to Battle 1, Battle 2 and The Crystal Tower who, while good, couldn't quite hit top 5 for me

[light-macadamia]

writeblr tag - end of the year

✰ what was your writing goal of 2022 and how did you do?

So I set out to write 50 000 words and exceeded it with 56 676 (so many sixes!), to pen three slavic horror stories, of which I wrote two (but the second one is a lot longer), and draft all of on the cusp of venus, of which I did none (but I did add a few thousands words).

✰ most helpful tips discovered, or re-discovered?

The draft does not need to be perfect, it needs to be done. Truly lived this old classic this year.

✰ who was the character that grew most, or was most fun to write?

I love the Folklorist, the butch gentlewoman who collects mythical stories :3 

✰ what music helped pull you through or got you inspired?

I think my true revelation was slowed anything this year. Oh you like this song? Here is a version of it that sounds like it’s coming out of a crypt.

✰ where did you write most often?

In my room, never once did i have the cute coffeeshop experience. I also got the typewriter keyboard as a present this winter.So that means I am even less likely to have the cute coffeeshop experience.

✰ what was your longest and shortest piece?

The longest is The Stowaways (22 215), and the shortest is a little ode I wrote about rice porridge (192).

✰ which wip took up most time, or required most energy?

I wonder if the reason I cannot answer this question is because I genuinely just quit when it comes to roadblocks. Huh. 

✰ how did you keep track of writing this year (if you do)?

I’ve got a notion setup, but my new nanowrimo tracker takes the cake for the pastels alone.

✰ what was your most eureka moment (if you can share it)?

I know I wrote this question but how do you even explain it without going 5 plot layers deep. Ok so in Stowaways, I was thinking very hard about how can synthetic blood to feed vampires work until realising… it doesn’t have to work. 

Fun tidbit, synthetic blood does, in fact, exist in real life. 

✰ did you find new writing friends, or completed challenges?

I am quite proud of completing nanowrimo!! And any friend is a writing friend if you infodump them hard enough (wink wink).

✰ any words that you noticed yourself over-use?

YES the amount of brow furrowing is ridiculous, especially since i never even consider brows in real life.

✰ did any of your favourite tropes get featured in your writing?

The someone comes back, but they come back wrong, truly, a staple that cannot be understated or avoided.

✰ share your favourite lines or an excerpt

I don’t know if it’s favourite exactly, but I am thinking about this one a lot lately because it is on that weird overlap of cool and cringe.

“The threat of violence extends to the both of you,” they exclaimed loudly. “Lest you forget, a swordsperson without a sword is still a badass.”

✰ what are you aiming for in the year ahead?

The holy grail - learning how to edit.

If any scribbler wants to do the tag, it’s yours for the taking!

Happy holidays !!!

[thelasttime]

ok! so i attended night 2 with my sister and cousin. we sat in row 1 of section 228 (v good seats). our day was literally perfect, we lucked out fr. we had a yummy lunch at eureka! (burger place), arrived at sofi, i got in line suuuuper early bc i was so antsy, then we raced to the merch booth and i got the blue crew neck, black eras tee, and the quarter zip 😭, we went to our seats, took pictures, put on on bracelet, then we had time to kill so we went out to explore the stadium, had some yummy nachos and a shake it off marg (double shot!! 😮‍💨)!! then we went back to our seats watched haim and then taylor came on!!!!

the crowd was soooooo loud omfg. my favorite set was folklore and fearless and my favorite songs were the 1 and atw LOL. my section felt kinda dead tho :(( there was a couple next to me and they were literally sitting the whole time and didn't seem to know her songs??!?!??! it kinda pissed me off. they even left early. but overall such a goooood show omfg. i'm so emotional like i cant believe i saw taylor swift live and heard her sing my favorite songs. i would cry when she would talk to us not really when she was performing lol. but yeaaaa wish i could go again.

ALSO! the bracelets were flashing blue sooooo much like... let me be delusion. and yOU ARE IN LOVE AS SURPRISE SONG #2 !?!? basically 1989 tv confirmation. and the crowd went insane for our song.

ALL OF THIS !!!!!!!!!! those seats are so good!! i love that y'all showed up to the stadium early so you could explore and buy merch in the meantime!! and I TOTALLY AGREE ABOUT FEARLESS BEING THE BEST SET !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sad that the couple next to you wasn't feeling it but omg <3 "you are in love" and "our song" ARE SO GOOD

[wonilye]

thanks for da tag bae <3

1. falling behind : laufey (my era of being emo abt being single lmaooooo i was NOT girlbossing)

2. video therapy : n.flying (again, my #emocore ages…also cuz the rhythm in the bg slaps)

3. brutal : olivia rodrigo (“i’m so sick of seventeen” need i explain more…)

4. sparks fly : taylor swift (this one’s @stariikis fault cuz she put the wifty x sparks fly in my head with you in the rain so i um. yeah and then came the speak now series and YEAH THE REST IS HISTORY)

5. eureka : natori (oh gosh i really am emoing too much. it’s the kind of song u listen to when ur on the way home from the worst day of school but u gotta hype yourself up to do MORE homework and i. well let’s just say i’m very good at lying to myself)

6. rock with you : svt (OHOHO I REMEMBER THE EXACT TIME PERIOD I WAS OBSESSED WITH THIS SONG, and i wasn’t even into svt back then yet. didn’t know anyone but i heard the song once and i instantly fell in love.)

7. back for more (txt ver) : txt (yeah um so there was a time i was suuuuper into infuriatingly spicy songs and this is what fuelled my delusion AHHAHAHAHAHA i still listen to it their vocals were fire on this bro)

8. cinderella rockstar : last minute (AHA THE SINGAPORE BAND REP LETSGOOOOO the beat is FIRE and the vocals gosh i’m in love with their music. ALL OF IT. plus they have a sick guitarist need i say more)

9. venus : regina song (THIS right here raised my standards bruh. pls take me dancing in an abandoned ballroom plsoslsoskossospslpslspslspslspspspspsspn jungwon i am waiting!!!!!!!!)

10. blockbuster : enhypen (OF COURSE. OF COURSE IT’S THIS SONG. lemme tell u when i heard it live i went insane do y’all know how ridiculously HOT jay sounds when he sings iweojo LIVE like y’all,,,i’m never recovering. that day i added jay to my bias line i listen to this song every day every night it is my roman empire)

tagz : @stariikis again lol, @sooshibot

! "10 on repeat shuffles" tag game !

rules: shuffle your on repeat playlist and post the first 10 tracks, then tag 10 people

tagged by: no one but started by @galaxycunt when i saw the post on my dashboard. thank u hellsite algorithm~

will include a little excerpt of explanation on why it could be in my on-repeat playlist + not include an artist repeat

obstacles - syd matters (last song from the sub homesick alien playlist + notable time wave vibe songs cause it is also in the life is strange game)

tinnitus - txt (part of my audiophiles' eargasm playlist where i wanna hear a godly-produced song with my best headphones)

duvet - boa (i think it has been in my on repeat since 2021 when i watched serial experiments lain and has never left. a notable song for terra incognita)

this is why - paramore (just heard the whole album last month and every time i listen to this song, i'm in a state of catharsis cause I CAN RELATE)

tom sawyer - rush (having been particularly obsessed with the iron claw movie, this song is stuck in my head and i swear i love prog rock even more + i'll be learning the bass line of this song hopefully)

euphor - novo amor, lowswimmer (heard this for the novo amor concert i went to last week (even though they didn't perform it). part of the beomgyu time wave's spinoff playlist)

solsbury hill - peter gabriel (another addition to my audiophiles' eargasm playlist cause it sounds so odd that it's so interesting)

weird fishes/arpeggi - radiohead (the song that embodies me as a person + have been putting it on repeat during my bday because it's the day that i just embraced my self of being a pisces which includes hearing this playing in the car and a solo date to the aquarium)

follow you follow me - genesis (the song that reminds me of soobin idk why. it's also in my sub homesick alien playlist)

do hot girls like chords? - knower (heard this from micthesnare and it's my introduction to indietronica and jazz-funk (cause i've already know acid jazz from jamiroquai)

tagging: (based on the last 10 moots that show up on my dash) @boba-beom @stardragongalaxy @lovejoshua @txt-yaomi @euphor1a @junniieesbby @itz-yerin @pyeonghongrie @dido-of-the-endless @robin-obsessed and anyone who wants to join! (new songs to listen to yes pls)

[jiminrings]

last chronological part for stem koo... WHEW I WATCHED THEM GROW WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN NOW

cold senior!y/n x stem major koo masterlist :D

they finally become lunchbox lovers

“you’re asking me what’s jungkook like?”

jimin couldn't be any more surprised

first of all, his day started with yOU texting him and asking if you can drop by for a second, and the moment he texted "sure???", you're literally already knocking on the door

and second, you're asking him???

“oh come on. he clings to you with every chance he gets. i thought you gave him a chance already.”

your eyes only deadpan that jimin actually gets the hint, his mouth curling in a eureka moment that he managed to figure out himself without you talking

“oH! so that’s why you’re asking me because you’re thinking of giving him an actual chance.”

alright finally

you slump in relief over not saying it out loud, expressing the slightest bit of worry you have to someone (that's not as close to you like yoongi and jin are) who'd get where you're coming from without bias

“i just wanna know how he usually is when he’s not on my heels.”

“honestly? the same. probably even a bit more clingier.”

jimin wastes no time in ratting jungkook out, even leaning back to the couch with how relaxed he is

“talks about you too. i’m sorry y/n but even i know what shampoo you use!!!”

jimins knows your wHAT

"my shampoo???"

“mhmm. made me drive him to a grocery store at 10 in the evening so he can individually smell all the shampoos without anyone calling him a creep or something like that,” he nods earnestly and doesn't look like he's playing with you or the sort

you're quite frozen and jungkook's roommate isn't at all fazed and is even pulling up pICTURES of their impromptu grocery trip

“he even made it in a scientific paper format. with the hypothesis and conclusion and everything.”

he points it out just in time when you swipe to jimin's hand holding a printed piece of paper with the document in the monitor right behind it, the next pictures being blurry because that's when jungkook freaked out

jimin gets his phone back but not without sending you the pictures you just saw even if you didn't ask for them, trying to hide the amusement in your eyes when you decide to scroll through them again later

“cut him some slack though. he’s never really had a girlfriend, y’know? or like even a crush. he’s just navigating it with his instincts and all the advice he gets.”

hold on a second

“... advice?”

he thought you'd never ask (he'll still say it even if you don't) which is why he brightly grins, hunching over as if to let you in on a guarded secret

“i’m one of his consultants!!! didn’t suggest the shampoo part though.”

who could have possibly thought of that idea then ://

you hum in faux complacency, trying to get this as fast as possible so you could make up your mind quicker

“what else?”

jimin's relaxed now that he's had a proper laugh with you and realized you aren't as Intimidating As He Thought You Were, recounting the things in his mind like a to-do list

“he’s sickeningly kind.”

the gravity of his words strike him before they do with you, straightening his posture to clear up the air right away, “but i knoW that what he did to you is the furthest thing from kind, and trust me, i really got that point across!!!”

by point, jimin means cooking him burnt meals and jungkook having to endure it because he doesn't like wasting food

additionally, that also meant jimin served kook a cRISP smack on the back of his boba ball head into next week

look at him <3 seokjin, yoongi AND jimin gave him shit!!! now isn;t that teamwork

you're unable to paint the mental image in your head because he continues, grabbing your attention once again

“but apart from that, jungkook could just be too kind for his own sake,” he says sincerely. “he’s like the kid the principal refers to in elementary when they talk about peer pressure!!!”

your first instinct is to snort at that, the mental image definitely forming in your head now

is it just sO bad that you and jimin agree on this

“jokes aside, jungkook’s really genuine.”

it's the last thing jimin wraps it off with when you stand from the couch, cheeks still a little warm when he trails you behind the door

you're just about to thank him when the door in front of you opens and almost hits you in the process, the person behind it just as alarmed

jungkook’s just now coming home because he had to pick up some last-minute groceries from the convenience store downstairs that jimin forgot from his last run, clearly startled to why would wou be here

"oH???? y/n??? what are you doing here???"

his pupils are shaking between the two of you and he's not even trying to hide is incoming panic

“.... a-are you and jimin-“

“yup! sorry bud! we were just-...” jimin's attempt at a lighthearted joke is halted as fast as it was introduced, getting a smack on the middle of his back that makes him wince

“you’re annoying, jimin."

oOOOOH you just put your palm on him!! yea at this rate he's gonna be your best friend too won't he

jungkook's processing things as fast as he could, getting a reassuring glance from you that puts him at ease

“we were just talking, kook.”

he nods even if he's still a tiny bit unsure, calling for you when you're on your way out the door

“a-about what though?”

:-)

“you’d know soon enough.”

( ♡ )

“you wanna tell me now why we went on this drive?”

seokjin yawns at a stoplight even when his car is the only one waiting on the intersection right now, not in the mood for a ticket with a printed traffic light picture of him mid-yawn in his matching pajamas anytime soon

“no reason," you sing-song and it makes him snort, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “couldn’t sleep."

“well that makes one of us.”

you've unabashedly knocked on jin's door and even if it took you two tries, he still answered nonetheless, not even asking for an explanation why before he sleepily took his keys and grabbed his house slippers for shoes

you had no destination in mind at 3 in the morning which is why jin’s just driving for no rhyme nor direction and is just going with his brain’s one-second impulses of where to turn

he’s game for anything, actually — that much you know

although you do know that jin literally wouldn't do this for anyone else besides the people he find worth all this (aka everyone except you and yoongi and ok maybe namjoon sometimes)

the drive is beyond serene and even with repetitive radio music playing in the background, you don't actually mind it

when you're with jin, it just feels like you're in a constant bubble of comfort and ease that you always try to look for in everything

he doesn't necessarily need explanations,, he just deduces from things at face-value and later ask about it when you're comfortable enough to share

jin points at a drive-thru he suddenly had a craving for as you were about to suggest it anyway

you're not even quite sure why there's a line but neither of you complain, the situation more than bearable that a little waiting wouldn't dampen your mood

the words you've been thinking of the whole day finally slip across the silence, as casual yet as sincere as they could be

“i’m really thankful that you’re in my life, jin. you know that right?”

he seems pleasantly surprised when you look at his side profile, shaking his head

“mhmm. you only tell me a couple times but you put your knee on top of mine everyday,” he chuckles at the habit of yours and he kNOWS for a fact you would put your knee on top of his if only he wasn't behind the wheel. “tell me all about it, kid.”

it's genuine laughter that encompasses the whole car, his chuckles suddenly ceasing when he realizes another possibility

“you’re not asking me for allowance, are you? because yoongi’s already bugging me for his next month’s.”

wait what

“you give yoongi an allowance???”

“you didn’t know???”

:///

“... i’m not asking for an allowance.”

“..... but do you want it,.,..”

jin sees you pursing your lips and intentionally looking at everywhere but him, already getting his answer

“fine. that’s the furthest you two could get from me!! don’t expect me to pack your lunchboxes to school now. you must be crazy.”

jin, in fact, packs you and yoongi lunchboxes more often than not

jin, aLSO, does all the paper rolling for you so when the three of u get occasionally high, it’s all nice and tight

jin is also the one who does all the talking on the phone to customer service when neither of you are willing

he asks the moment he relays your usual midnight snack slash early breakfast order he's already memorized to the attendant, patiently looking at you

“you want anything else with that?”

“i’m all good.”

it's in between cars and stoplights that the car is filled with more emotion again, acting on it when you realize it when seokjin's mid-bite on his hashbrowns

“jin?”

“yes?” he speaks muffled, looking at you once before bringing his attention back on the changing stoplight

“love you.”

he feels himself still for a second even if his foot's on the gas and one hand is on the wheel, a somber look on his face that he later smiles sincerely

“love you too, kid.”

( ♡ )

“it’s not my birthday if that’s what you’re thinking.”

yoongi sleepily mumbles the moment he feels his bed dipping, his side that was once holding a pillow now being occupied by you

“i know.”

you wedge yourself between his heavy comforter, tossing and turning until it feels comfortable

“but i actually don’t know your birthday lol it’s-...”

“fuck right off.”

yoongi doesn't question why you're in his bed, because the last time you did, it was because you were left traumatized after seeing a genuinely good horror movie that it was pending to give you nightmares

he didn't see you watch any movie today though, but he'll take you in nonetheless

“kidding.”

you offer in consolation because yoongi's birthday is in your calendar even if you know it by heart, a mindless hum in reply

it's when you drop your arm on his waist like it's dead weight and relax completely, your face near to his mop of hair that it's making him think you're actually cuddling him rn

quick how can he get a picture of this to get this framed

“are you telling me now?”

he questions with his eyes half-open, shimmying backwards so that you're able to hug him more comfortably

“my airconditioner’s busted.”

“mhmm. give me ten minutes. i’ll fix it for you.”

it's 4 am and if your airconditioner really was busted, you wouldn't have let it stay busted for that long

“don’t. it’s okay. i wanna be here anyways.”

both you and yoongi know that your airconditioner’s in tip-top shape and is actually the one that blows the coldest air in the dorm

sometimes you think he’s an angel in disguise because there’s no way you deserve a human best friend like him

“yoongs?”

“hmm?” he hums before he falls asleep again, trying to keep up while having his eyes closed so he could listen to you

“you know that i’m really glad you’re in my life, right?”

oh

:)

“mhmm. you don’t say, sweets," he teasingly chuckles, feeling his ribcage rise in amusement under your arm

“fuck-“

“yeah, i know. i do, because you put me as your family member in your emergency contacts, but you don’t know that i know that.”

... oh

you don't even know how yoongi came to know but you don't question it, the warmth in your heart doubling

“love you.”

“love you too, y/n.”

( ♡ )

jungkook’s the most nervous he’s been in awhile

and that’s coming from him who sees yoongi in almost a daily basis

after all, jin did tell him you can be quite forgetful becasue you tend to take care of things all at once

he’ll sTILL try to be as smooth and casual as much as possible though

“big game tomorrow huh?”

and by big game that means as in your last qualifying game to whether or not your team would compete in the yearly (not to mention prestigious) soccer tournament

you chuckle at the thought because by now, you should already be sleeping and getting some rest even if it’s just seven in the evening

but you’re here <3 out at a park near jungkook’s dorm, sharing hand warmers <3

“yeah. it’s a make or break match.”

“i actually haven’t seen you play before, y’know," jungkook silently admits, looking down on his shoes as he thinks if he's just offended you

“really?” you ask in genuine curiosity, “then how come you interviewed me for your little survey when you haven’t watched me play before?”

oh

tHAT

“i uh, i actually just really wanted to talk to you that day. i-i don’t normally approach people first, but you just looked warm enough for me to reach out first.”

he's babbling before he even knows it, oblivious the growing smile on your face

“then i asked jimin because he kNOWS everything, and it was all in good fate that it turned out you were the soccer captain!! i was excited because i had a legitimate reason to talk to you that day.”

so that’s why

he wanted to talk to you even before his lunchboxes were taken out of the situation!!!

“how about me? why was it me?”

ahem

you're not trying to be funny but you can't help but chuckle, scratching the back of your ear in thought

“i honestly couldn’t tell either, jungkook.”

he almost coughs in shock, masking it off with playing it off for the bite of the chill of the night

“all i know is that something told me it was you,” you timidly add, looking down on your hands. “and i went for it.”

right can he chalk up mad blushing to the night air

he fiddles with the drawstrings of his sweatpants this time, his eye contact with you becoming fidgety

“big game tomorrow,” he repeats and you're just about to tell him that your conversation sounds like it's gonna be repeated

“don’t forget your eyedrops, alright?”

....

was that smooth enough

“eyedrops?”

yeah

uhm

that was... random

“oh right! you gave them back to me.”

“yeah. you should open it tonight, probably. to see if it’s already all-evaporated, y’know? if it is, then let me know tomorrow so i can buy you new ones.”

“highly doubt that they would, but alright, kook.”

you take the little banter to be your cue to walk back to your dorm, about to say goodbye to him when he makes an audible sound of confusion

it confuses you even more when he's trailing behind you

“your dorm’s twenty feet away from where we are, jungkook.”

“y-yeah i know that!! i’m walking you home, silly.”

right!!

hee-hee

he’s keeping his hands to himself even if he BADLY wants to hold your hand or even your forearm but he has to resist that urge rn

but he does intentionally brush shoulders with you and mumble “pothole.” so he could nUDGE you to the side even if there aren’t any to begin with

silence with jungkook now is comfortable as it has been for more than awhile, the walk passing by faster that you almost wish you walked slower

goddamn it he should've said there was a pothole atleast ten more times to make the walk longer

“goodnight, koo.”

“goodnight, y/n.”

there’s obviously no goodnight kiss but he dOES get a squeeze on his bicep

you take your time when you come home — to unwind as much as you could before you stress yourself out tomorrow

your shower routine may have took a little longer this time but it makes you get dressed as quick as you could when your eyes see the origami box you've been putting off from opening, one that jungkook just told you to open, because as far as you knew they were just EYEDROPS!!!

... the supposed bottle of eyedrops that’s too well-packaged and clearly thought-out

an origami box, a carebear heart initial drawstring pouch AND a plain ziplock baggie as if the other two weren’t enough

it’s when you open the box within the ziplock bag that you feel it’s definitely not as light as a bottle of eyedrops would be

there’s a very visible dent weighing down on the pouch (that’s within the origami box) that’s cLEARLY not your eyedrops

you’re actually nervous to the point that you just open unfurl it with your eyes closed, feeling two items in there

the plastic bottle of eyedrops, and definitely the cool surface of what feels like

a bracelet?

it’s a pretty straightforward yet timelessly elegant silver link bracelet, equipped with a couple options for how tight or loose you want to wear it

it hits you all at once and god does it just render you speechless

jungkook has this bracelet too.

you’re quite speechless and in between looking at it up-close to avoiding looking at it at all, trying to calm your breathing by focusing on the eyedrops instead

the said eyedrops you've been so used to seeing that you immediately sense that there's something oFF with the label???

its stuck-on, that's for sure, but something about it is not as seamless and stationary and official as it should be

it's almost as if there's something snuck inside it and-

...

..... there is

it's scotch tape that's just as thin as the actual label of the bottle itself, having to peel the whole label in order to see it in entirety

it's the same double-sided label jungkook worked so hard to peel flawlessly so he could try and replicate it in the same exact design and measurements, having to even take it up to a classmate from stem he once knew that transferred to graphic design

(yeonjun did ask for a science paper in exchange for his replication of the eyedrops slash adhesive label because who fucking kNEW he still had science even when in graphic design, but jungkook thinks it's fair trade so it's worth it)

it's the same exact label jungkook's had for a month and only recently gave it to you a week ago, a truth he's long since known

it's the same exact label that reads —

i love you

— in his handwriting you've come to known by heart, the label in your hand feeling much more heavy than the bracelet in the other

you already know what to do.

.

.

.

it's game day and u are about to launch yourself into orbit if you hear oNE more drum cheer because it just makes you nervous even more

yeah SURE it makes you pumped when it's the actual game itself but not now!!! not now when you're pumping yourself with electrolytes and at the risk of peeing from nervousness and too much hydration

you haven't seen seokjin nor yoongi yet and as much as that lessens the pressure on you, that alsO makes you nervous because they're your emotional support people!!!! where r they

usually you would see them in the front row of the bleachers and neither of them have any snacks because all of their focus would be on you

jin is nOT mr. kim from student affairs when it comes to your games,,, nuh-uh sir,,, he's that guy from the other team that glares so hard it dISTRACTS me from scoring in the perspective of the opposing team

coach's about to whistle like five minutes from now for a final huddle and everyone's getting their final stretches in

you're too busy looking for people that you actually want to be here that you're taken off-guard when one of them grasps at your forearm, a breathless smile one his face

"give them hell out there, alright. you're a champ."

it's jungkook!!!

IT'S JUNGKOOK!!!!@&$&":@:"$

he looks especially handsome today that you just short-circuit immediately

he's wearing a shirt with your team colors on it aND!!!

he ditched his glasses today to wear contacts, not only because he wanted to look a bit more different and special today, but because he's also scared that a ball would be thrown in his direction and injure him with the additional impact of his glasses

his hair's pushed back with his forehead showing instead of his usual hairstyle and god is it making you a little dizzy

he's beaming at you and his eyes immediately wander to your wrist, not expecting the feeling in his gut next

you're not wearing the bracelet.

jungkook feels the sudden urge to cry even when in public but it's when you grip at his forearm tightly that he stays still, squeaking when you realize his line of thought

"can't wear any jewelry on the field. i-i'm wearing your bracelet as an anklet for the meantime, it's underneath my sock."

...

....

...... oh my god

jungkook's never felt this frozen and euphoric at the same time, sputtering over nothing when your face looks like the furthest thing from joking

you're about to excuse yourself suddenly when your eyes finally take notice what's thrown on his shoulder, something about it being so familiar that it throws you off for awhile

"is that my jersey?"

he nods eagerly to your query, proudly unfolding it for you to see your spare soccer jersey with your surname and number right on it, the exact marks being the same from when you tried to use a laundry pen on it

he didn't get it replicated???

"h-how did you get that? where did you get that?"

jungkook thought you'd never ask, the words he never thought he'd say already leaving his lips

"yoongi gave it to me."

you only have a handful of jerseys on-hand and even if you could always request for more, the ones you have at home are a little more sentimental

you gave jin and yoongs one each from the only several ones you had, and you know yoongi would not give up his for jungkook

but now, you do know that he snuck to your closet and took one to give it to jungkook willingly, trusting him enough to give it to you behind your back

kook's sTILL not fully-forgiven but they're getting there sooner or later

wait why is this making you cry

before you know it, you're pushing yourself to jungkook to hug him tightly, the boy being surprised for a second but ultimately reciprocating once it registers

"i love you too."

.

.

.

.

.

this is the last chronological update for stem koo aka lunchbox lovers!! however, this is not the end of them!! with the end of this chronological series, this means that all the future updates don't necessarily have to be linked — they're miscellaneous and don't have to follow a specific layout like this part of their arc.

with that said, feel free to send in asks on what you want to see from the lunchbox lovers (misc. requests, questions, and everything in between) and i'd love to fulfill them because after all, this series was born purely out of your ideas <3 also pls send in ur thoughts and feedback and love because i have da greatest time reading through all of them!! thank you for all the love for da stem koo universe <3

[lemondaydream]

AND THE RESULTS ARE IN!

The winner of the Lemon Daydream survey drawing is... @clxrissadalloway !!! Congratulations to @clxrissadalloway! I will be messaging you shortly. For everyone else who entered and did not win this time, look out for future drawings, I'll try to give more opportunities for those who would like to win. Now for the survey results! (This will not be all of the results, just the ones that I think are relevant to most.)

Discord coming out wayyyy in the lead. Where else are you guys roleplaying though? Other had 19 votes, reddit? Drop it in the comments, I wanna know.

Most people rank themselves right in the middle between complete novice and expert. I do see that a good portion of people do consider themselves beginners so I will try to keep my docs as easy to edit as possible or warn if a doc is for more experienced editors but I will never make anything public that exceeds "average" skill level.

Meyer! The new baby won! I really thought it would be Eureka, the long-time fav but this was really interesting. Sorry to Yuzu, always gets the least love. Very happy that you guys still love my first! Congrats as well to Key Lime!

You guys do love neutrals, probably why Meyer has been getting a lot of love. Overall though, we're looking at most people liking neutrals, dark, colorful, and monochrome.

I did NOT think this would be such an even split. I will try to make more portrait docs when I think the style suits it.

I hear you loud and clear, dark academia and stuff that looks like PSDs but entirely made in docs. I definitely plan to release something dark academia, not next but soon (you'll see why with the next result.) As for PSD looking, I will always try to get close to that but they are trickier (and more intimidating) for the less skilled editors. Trust me, I could easily make something that looks like a PSD banner in docs, most people just wouldn't know what to do. Also witchy/vampy and sci-fi/futuristic, I hear you, they're coming, for sure.

CRIMINAL RECORD/PERSONNEL RECORD GOV DOC. Yep! You're getting it! I'm working on MURCOTT now and I plan to have her done soon depending on my commissions workload. I loved the results of this one because the ones that were my favorite were also yours. There's a chance I will do all of these eventually.

Abilities/skills/powers. Yep, from now on, I will include a page or section for these! Also, the lit sample/extra page I will keep and include. Theme song/playlist link, it's one line, enough of you like it, I'll make it happen. Voice claim! I will be putting in appearance sections from now on a spot for "Voice", you can make that a voice claim name, a link, or a description of how their voice sounds. Positive and negative traits! On the personality section of future docs I will have several spots for positive and negative traits. Not neutral traits, just because I think it's clunky and personally... (I think neutral traits are dumb, decide whether your curiosity is positive or negative, stop floating around in the middle.) Lol! Mostly kidding. (mostly...) Family section! Yes, on all future connections pages, there will be a section for family! Mother, father, siblings, other, going to give five spots that you can alter to be any sort of relation. Make it childhood best friend, dog, I don't care. Navigation. I will include on docs that allow for it. If it goes with the design of the doc, absolutely, I'll include it. WELL. We did it! Thank you so much for your continued support and for all of your that answered the last question of the survey: <3 LOVE <3 So much love, you guys are the best. Keep an eye out for more and stay awesome.

[kiirokero]

Outro: Love is Not Over (5)

Pairing: Daycare Teacher! Hoseok x Single Mom! Reader.

Genre: Single Parent! AU, Teacher! AU, Hybrid! AU, Fluff, Angst, Adorable Kids,

Warnings: Oh boy, self doubt, A LOT of it. angsty, momma y/n isn’t doing too good, mentions of anxiety, allusions to worthlessness, just a lot of bad intrusive thoughts that are very degrading (and not in the smexy way)

Word Count: 1.1k

Note: I have a website that calculates my word count for stories, but it also tells me the most used word. 1.4% of this chapter is the word “Yunho” lol

Summary: Years after a relationship goes south. You are the single mother of a beautiful 6-year-old golden retriever hybrid who you named Yunho. He is the light of your life. Yunho is everything to you, and you’d do anything for him. But you’re a human. Yunho doesn’t care, he will tell you he doesn’t. “You’re still my Eomma. No matter what.” He says. But you can’t help but feel like you will never be enough for him. You can’t be the mother he deserves. You can’t show him the ropes of being a hybrid, and you can’t teach him things the other moms can. But you try. You try your damn hardest. So, when a handsome German Shepard hybrid comes into your life, helping you and guiding Yunho in a way you can’t, you can’t help the cozy home he sets up in your heart.

Chapter Guide:

Previous / Next (Coming Soon)

Tag List: @kurochan3 @mrcleanheichou @anonymous-armys-blog @alanasfashion @purelyecstacy​ Blogs highlighted in bold could not be tagged. Please message me privately so we can resolve the problem and I can tag you next time ^^

      Being an adult was exhausting. Especially the part where you pretend that you're listening when the bank teller states you should’ve cashed in your paycheck 2 days ago to get a lesser fee. Thanks Pat, I’ll think of that next time I’m working my ass off and talking care of a six-year-old, lovely advice, you are so helpful. 

     But it was enough to distract me from the underlying inferiority I felt every time I saw a dog hybrid in passing, even if it was just for a bit. I understood that the trend today was short fur and undercuts, but what if their fur was short for a bigger reason? Was it just their style or was it practical? Is long fur bad for your health? 

      These questions never left my head as I got some time to myself. I was on my way to pick up Yunho from his little daycare adventure. Hyejin texted me occasionally throughout the day, giving me updates about how Yunho was doing. Every picture she sent had a smiling golden retriever boy who looked more than okay, perfectly happy and healthy. 

      However, it pained me that seeing him sport his long fur stirred up insecurity in me. It was like a taunt. Words playing in the back of my head, telling me I was an incapable mother, that Yunho deserved better, that when he grows up and sees these pictures, he’ll resent you. 

      Like the laughter of a jester, I was calling myself stupid, unworthy. Every single thing I’ve done imperfectly played in my head like a twisted movie from hell. Look, look, look. Look how incapable you are. Look how badly you're raising your son. Look at your failures. 

      Even if I turned on the radio, I could still hear my subconscious toying with me. Like a fly in a tarantula’s nest. Why has one person's observation affected me so much? A couple words and my resolve suddenly came crashing down? Maybe it was the one spark that needed to set off the explosion. All the TNT, lined up from previous nights consumed by irrational thoughts, now finally igniting. “You’re failing”

Rationally, I knew that wasn’t the case. 

But it’s never that easy, is it? 

“Eomma!”

“Hi, bub!” I giggled. 

      Yunho ran into my arms, tackling me onto the hard, concrete sidewalk. But I didn’t mind. Yunho squeezes me tight, scenting me with upmost enthusiasm, his tail whipping around rapidly. “I missed you,” Yunho sighed, fisting his hands into my shirt. “I missed you too baby,” I whispered, holding him just a tad bit closer, and I meant it. 

No matter how bad I felt, I’d always be okay with him around. 

      “Did you have fun?” I asked. He nodded frantically, face painted with excitement. “Yes! I got to play with legos!” He raised his arms up, expressing just how much he loved playing with the legos. “You did? That’s awesome!” I gasped, kissing my son on the forehead. 

      I stood back up on my feet, taking Yunho in my arms to carry him back to the daycare. I still had to thank Hyejin, and no doubt was she still in the office, giving me a moment with Yunho. but to my surprise, it wasn’t Hyejin that let Yunho bolt out the door and tackle me to the ground. It was Hoseok. 

      He gave me a shy wave and smile as Yunho and I entered the front office. I gave him a genuine one back. I may be fighting with myself in my head, but it wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know, so why be cold? “Hello Hoseok,” I said, and Yunho also gives him an excited wave.

     “Hello Y/n, how was your day?” He asked, but his words were still tight, still cautious. “It was okay... Thank you for watching over Yunho for me, you and Hyejin both.” Hoseok seemed to light up a bit at my words as his smile grew wider. “It’s nothing really, Yunho is an amazing kid,” I felt my heart swell at those words, Yunho was definitely an amazing kid. I must’ve done something right. Right?

      “Yeah, he is,” I teased the boy who blushed and hid his face in the crook of my neck. I cooed at his cuteness before Hoseok spoke up again. “I-I’m sorry for earlier, I really didn’t mean to upset you.” He curved into himself a bit. 

      His apology was sincere, I knew that. From what Hyejin had told me and from what I observed, Hoseok was a good guy. He didn’t know the impact his words had, besides; it was my problem anyway. Why burden someone else?

    “I’d like to take you for a coffee sometime, as an apology” Hoseok added on after I didn’t say anything for a minute or two. I chuckled, “That sounds nice, but you don’t have to. It’s okay, really,” but Hoseok shook his head, insisting that this was the way to apologize for something that obviously struck a deep nerve. 

“Alright, I give in. Do you have a date in mind?” I asked.

“Ah... I didn’t get that far... Here, I’ll give you my number so I can text you!” Hoseok exclaimed, having an eureka moment. 

“Smooth, Hoseok, very smooth.” I giggled. 

      “Wha? Oh no! I didn’t- I mean...” Hoseok stuttered on, a flush of pink on his face. “I’m joking,” I smiled. Hoseok sighed in relief, chuckling to himself. “Here you go,” Hoseok handed me his phone, and I entered my number in his contacts with one hand, expertly. People don’t mention that one of the mom powers is being able to do things one handed. 

      “I’ll text you as soon as I can,” Hoseok promised. “I’ll be waiting,” I said, forgetting all about my worries and fears for a moment. The air felt calm, my brain relaxed, it was easier to breathe. I was thankful for that, even if the moment was short. 

      Yunho looked out the car window at the trees that lined the road. He was swinging his feet back and forth. The ears on the top of his head twitched a bit every time a new song started on the radio. The sun hit his face like a Picasso painting that screamed innocence. A portrait that slipped off the canvas, given to me, even if I wasn’t deserving of such beauty. 

      “Hey bub?” I called, glancing in the rear-view mirror to look at my son. “Yea?” He answered back, looking towards me even if he couldn’t look at my face. “Are your ears and tail okay?”

“Yep!”

“Your fur doesn’t bother you?”

“Nope!”

“Are you sure? We can cut it if it’s bothering you,”

“I don’t wanna cut it!” 

      Yunho doesn’t lie. He can’t. He always gives himself away by either avoiding my gaze or mumbling to himself. But he was confident in those words. That helped. “Okay bub, I love you.”

“I love you too Eomma,”

[aimasup]

Ok so from this first part I've decided to finally throw in my headcanon version of Roman and Remus when Thomas was a kid.

(Next here and next here)

@miraculousglitter

But first here's a fic as my headcanon on how they split (Tw gore and angst) :

The Seperation (oneshot)

Fun sniffled. "So... so you're saying... I need to be better...?"

Heart stared. No! No, no, no no! What was happening? Fun never cried. He never let the most piercing of insults get to him. He was always the bounciest of the Sides, bold and daring, without a care in the world. The log to lean on.

And now tears were pouring down his face.

"Fun, please, I never said that! That's not what I meant!" Heart placed his hands on Fun's shoulders, feeling like he was going to tear up himself. Somehow, he had made the unstoppable force that was the royal King Fun cry. He mentally kicked himself.

"I would never think any less of you for anything you do. Everyone else thinks so too. We all love you for who you are!" he said.

"It's just... the things you say and do sometimes. We don't hate you for doing them, what we hate is the things that get Thomas in trouble. That's what we don't want."Heart pulled Fun into a tight hug.

"It's nothing to do with you. Please don't cry." Heart choked. "You're perfect."

Fun gulped down tears. "So.. so.. so it's a - a problem? That we can f - fix?"

Heart had never thought of it that way, but as always, Fun was a brilliant Side. "Y - yeah! You're right! Maybe we can fix this! L - like a cold, or - or a bad knee owie...."

They dissolved into silence. Fun sat on his knees, tear marks still left on his tanned face. Heart had joined him on the bedroom floor and let go of him, but still kept a gentle hold on his hands.

Fun knew what Heart said was true. But the overwhelming aura of his room was pressing in on him from all directions. What no one realized was that Heart was one of Thomas' strongest sides. His room was especially influential. It would constantly shift and change to any emotion, subconscious or not.

Heart was scared.

Not of him, clearly, but Fun knew what else he was scared of. It was true. He had bad things and bad thoughts in him, and they needed to go. Then, everything would be better and everyone would love him again.

Fun hiccuped. "S - so, should we.. get Learning?" He was the one who named everyone. In his chest he knew these names weren't very 'clever' but given Thomas' limited vocabulary they were his best efforts.

Heart considered this. He shook his head.

"I dunno. I'm not sure how he can help. But I do know we're supposed to... uh...separate the problem. Separate...we could just separate the bad stuff! Right!" he said excitedly.

Fun furrowed his brow in deep thought, which was rare for the Side. "Se...perate? How?"

Heart's face dropped. He plopped back onto the floor, where he had previously stood up in a 'eureka' moment.

"... I dunno."

They sat there, pondering some more.

Fun glanced over unsurely at Heart. He noticed the unnaturally tired look on his features. Heart was clearly trying so hard to come up with a solution, which was a problem because that wasn't his job. He wasn't supposed to solve objective issues, which would surely tire him out further than Fun already had.

Fun looked at the ground. He stood up, catching Heart's attention.

"Fun?"

Everything was wrong. Was he wrong? No, it had to be the bad things, but wouldn't that make it him as well technically? Was he bad? Were the thoughts bad?

He took deep breaths, that quickened the more he thought about everything that happened in the past few years. All his friends' thoughts, all his doubts, all of the troubles because of him.

He had to banish the bad thoughts. Banish the bad thoughts. Get rid of them. Get rid of the things ruining everyone's lives.

Get rid of the things that tarnished his otherwise perfect image. Get rid of the ideas he wasn't supposed to enjoy because they were gross and wrong. Get rid of the scary stuff that would make his friends sad.

Fun choked. Rip it out. Kick it out of his body. He was supposed to extract it like a spider nest in his rib cage - no! Gross, bad, scary! You're scary, you're not me!

But why didn't it feel like it was coming out? Something was tearing away, but it wasn't a something else, it was... him.

Heart stared in horror as Fun stumbled and caught on his own feet. He was clutching at his hair and silently choking. Unholy gargled whimpers escaped his throat as golden bile bubbled out of his throat, under bloodshot, teary eyes.

Get rid of the bad things! They're awful, they're not you! They're not me!

I'm not you?

You're not me! You're you!

But I'm you! I'm me!

No! I'm me! Shut up! I'm tearing! It hurts!

No, I'm tearing, you're tearing!

Leave me! I'm leaving!

Leave me! I'm leaving!

Fine!

Fine!

Fine!

"I don't need you!" Fun screamed in a horrific layered voice, raw and primal. "You're going away!"

Heart was crying. He didn't know what to do, his friend was in a bad shape, nothing was done about it.

"I'm leaving! Fine, I'm leaving! Gone, I'm leaving! We're leaving!" Like a madman, Fun clawed at the carpet rapidly, oozing gold and black down his center. Thin red lines crept into view with bone cracking noises, the liquids stained the floor and his beautiful grey outfit, his pupils changed color, his layered voice grew more and more divided by the minute until he tore.

Right down the middle.

Heart screamed.

What fell onto the carpets were two different shapes. One hit the floor with a soft thud, with more grace and beauty Heart had ever seen. The other hit the carpet with a greasy splat, smelling as it looked.

Heart was still unsure of the situation. With heaving breaths, he scrambled over to help up the one who looked the most like his friend. He still didn't know what to do at the moment, but he just wanted to hold Fun in his arms and comfort him.

"Fun? Fun! Please, answer me, please! I'm sorry, please, wake up..." Heart shook him. "Please, please, please, please," he chanted, then broke out a little sob. "Please?"

The Fun in his arms stirred. Bleary eyes blinked and then shot wide open. "Heart!" he gasped.

Heart also gasped, staring at the face that sort of looked like Fun. Somehow he had completely different features, and his eyes were pure ruby red, but his hair and his clothes were so similar. It was definitely his rustic, bold Fun, but every move looked like a gentle dance instead of a determined lead. His voice was more airy and full of song, more than usual.

The two Sides stared at each other, still in each other's arms. A wet splat alerted them. Their heads whipped around to the noise.

To their horror, a...figure emerged from the black oily heap on the carpet. The figure shone ebony and dripped all over the thing. Somehow it was a mockery of Fun's image, but Heart couldn't help but be drawn to recognize him too.

They stared, and as it advanced slowly, the red one screamed in fright. "No! What is that?!"

Heart and his room were pounding. The answer spilled out before he could stop it, but he didn't care. "That's the bad stuff! It must have worked!"

He took up Fun's hands, now absolutely sure that it was him. "The stuff is gone! Please, don't look so doubtful, we're a family, we've always been!" Pulling him into a hug, Heart laughed in relief. Completely unaware of how his 'Fun' was feeling through all this.

The oily figure reared its head, revealing a terrifying smile and two glowing green eyes. It stumbled over itself and fell, a high, ugly voice tearing out of its orifices. "Heart!"

Heart let go of Fun and they hurried to their feet and backed off, realizing the sludge figure was still in their room. They stared at it with bated breath, like it was a cockroach ready to take flight after them. Their expressions were contorted by fear.

From the ground, it tried and failed to reach out to them. "Heart! I'm here, I've gotten rid of the bad stuff! Heart! Please, Heart!"

But they were already bolting out the room, Fun in Heart's tow. With a yelp, they had fled, calling for Learning and Careful.

The demonic creature sat in silence. Then it started laughing, cackling, a noise that was the stuff of nightmares. Tears streamed down its cheeks, smile permanently etched on its face, its shoulders shaking.

A small, crouched monster with yellow snake eyes silently watched the broken thing crumble from the doorway.

[multifandomwhore-003]

Thank you so much for the tag @wint3r-h3art

First fic I've ever posted on here: It's not that big of a deal (JJ Maybank)

I remember posting this for the first time along with the many other fics that I had already written on Wattpad, I was so inexperienced on here now it's kinda funny to look back at all the things I changed over, and over, and over again to the original posts.

The soft fic (I'm not just gonna pick one ngl): Fucking Alaska (Rudy Pankow), Mornin' Juliet (Elliot), Coffee breath (Elliot) "Pregnant (Rewrite) 2, 3" miniseries (JJ Maybank), "He just needs time 2" miniseries as well (Fezco).

All of this fics made me so happy to write them yet so sad because my first thought was "Oh, I'm so single," I love all of these fics so much, the one that's most memorable to me is the first part of "He just needs time" it got around 400+ notes in less than 3 hours, by the next day it had gotten me 200+ followers and 1000+ notes, it was INSANE, from having 0 requests suddenly I would get at least one every day, just madness, complete madness. Same thing with all my Elliot fics, they also did well and I'm really grateful.

The fic that I'm most proud of (I'm also not just gonna pick one): "Black Dahlia 2" miniseries (JJ Maybank), Rules (JJ Maybank), Hypnotized (Rudy Pankow), I wanna escape to her too (TAMS! Peter Parker).

These fics hold such a special place on my heart for different reasons, "The Black Dahlia" miniseries was the first time I truly came out of my comfort zone in format, writing, themes; I did so much research on EVERYTHING about it, songs, figure skating, racism, and the amount of love and heart I put into it still kinda shocks me because of how good I think it is. "Hypnotized" was my first smut fic in which I also had to carefully come up with everything, I remember being so embarrassed as I kept writing because I wasn't a really sexual person at the time and it took me so long to kinda accept and come to terms with my sexuality, it's not perfect, but it meant so much to me to be like "Okay, having a sexual fantasy and writing it is completely fine, if they judge you fuck them,". "Rules" it's short, but the thing that makes or made me most proud of was how I managed to turn and twist this popular trope around the JJ Maybank fandom of breaking the rule of "No pogue on pogue macking," because everyone was writing that either JJ and the reader broke it, or they didn't but they wanted to, and so, I was like "Okay, what if she breaks it with someone else and he gets jealous and there like this whole thing of 'why not with me?'" and it was my "eureka" moment and I felt really good with myself of coming up with something a little bit different. "I wanna escape to her too" this fic is not at all unique or at least not the premise of it, but I knew I had to write something along the lines of grief to get it out of my system and although the story may not be super dramatic, or romantic, or anything like that, that fic is vulnerable as fuck and yes, it's about two people who are not me, but in the end that fic is the rawest I've ever been here.

The fic that shows my progress: "The blind boy/girl" miniseries (JJ Maybank)

*sighs* I remember coming up with these in the middle of class, and randomly writing the first part in like 20 mins straight, no distractions, and it was so surreal because of how beautifully invested I was in it, like seriously, after the first part I immediately finished the second; everything on this fic is carefully meditated and thought, nothing on it is a coincidence, nothing is unnecessary, to me it's "my perfect fic". It truly shows how far I've come, how my writing style has been more polished, and although I still play with more than one thing, or at least I try to, this is like the one fic you can put as a reference to identify any other thing I've written.

My fav WIP: Don't you know how to shut up? (Dylan O' Brien), DISCLAIMER, this may not be its final title.

Omg, y'all aren't ready, I'm kinda stuck on it atm, and trust me I open it daily to try and continue it, might have to rewrite some stuff, not gonna give away too much of it, all I'm gonna say is, that the playlist has been made, and once there's a playlist to a fic, YOU KNOW I'm INVESTED, okay?

(Hopefully) Y'all when you read it:

No pressure tagging: @sugarcoatedjj @endofthelinegang @pankowfruitsnacks

[twdmusicboxmystery]

10x21: Details

Okay, let’s talk details. And most of these will just back up what I’ve already said about these sequences being callbacks to Grady and leaving Beth behind, as well as foreshadows of finding her again.

***As always, spoilers abound below for 10x21. Don’t read until you’ve watched!***

Carol and Dog:

Of course Dog goes with Carol and I noticed that when she gets back to Alexandria, she says, “let’s get you home.” So, home theme, and it’s especially potent because Dog = Beth.

She says to Dog, “For the record, I didn’t need an apology for him.” It’s the ‘for the record’ part that caught my attention, not only because Beth mentioned records at Grady, but Negan said the exact same thing to Daryl about Carol several episodes ago. “For the record, I don’t think she’s coming back.” So, it’s something of a theme.

She tells Jerry the story of the Stone Soup, which to me parallels Rick’s “Rock in the Road” story, which we’ve always thought was about Beth. (X). And I’m not sure how exactly to interpret the rock in either story, but biblically Christ = the rock. So, there’s that.

We see her fixing the solar panels as well. Because of the sunlight angle, that could represent Beth. I’m actually seeing a lot of symbolism here for both Carol fixing Beth in some way and Beth fixing Carol. So, I think this has to do with the template for the future. I think the two of them will come together again, as they did at Grady, and they’ll both be kind of a mess at that point and need to help each other through some stuff. I’ll talk about it in more detail later when I do another forecasting post.

When Dog starts chasing the rat and Carol runs to see what’s happening, he knocks over a lamp. Lamp Theory. And the cord of the lamp has been gnawed on by the rat. So can you see how all these symbols kind of interlock?

When Dog chases the rat and knocks over the pot, Carol has a serious/Sirius mention. She says, “This is serious. We need that food.”

Now, for the record, I think food shortages are going to continue to be a thing, and Beth and the CRM will be the answer to needed resources, so both sides of that sentence are important.

She makes a trap to catch the rat, which I talked about yesterday. Then she goes out looking for more ingredients for the soup. While out there, we see a dragonfly, a blue butterfly, and a spider. All three of those are important symbols. 

They all represent some form of transformation, wisdom, renewal, and fertility.

It’s probably important that Carol uses Leah’s knife to fix the solar panels. Again, just more Beth symbols on top of Beth symbols.

@frangipanilove also pointed out that it’s important that the instant she can’t see the rat anymore, the power goes out. See how that works? Rat (Beth) is unseen and suddenly no sun power.

Carol also says at this part, “there will be more sun tomorrow, right?” That’s super important. Sun = Beth. And ever since AOW, I’ve thought the “tomorrow” theme pointed to the CRM war. So again, just more evidence that this is both a callback and a foreshadow of what will happen with Beth and CRM.

As I said yesterday, Dog watching over Carol as she sleeps = Beth watching over Carol while she’s unconscious at Grady. She also says to Dog, “You miss him, don’t you?” Which is exactly what Beth asked Daryl about Merle in Still.

And then of course she destroys the wall. The next day, Jerry comes to see her, and we get lots of interesting references. There’s the poker, poker face reference. He says, “caring…yeah that’s a problem,” which we’re connecting to Beth’s famous line, “when you care about people, hurt is just part of the package.”

Jerry also says, “2+2=Eureka.” Now, Eureka is an expression which means “a cry of joy or satisfaction when one finds or discovers something.” We’re hoping the 2+2 is a reference to episode 22, and the discovery is that Beth is alive. *fingers crossed*

The song that plays, No Worries by Amateur Blond, has references to dogs in it. And it keeps saying “Oh, oh, oh.”

Of course Daryl returns, Rat gets free, and I especially love how Dog runs to Daryl. Cuz, you know, Dog = Beth. :D

One other thing @frangipanilove​ brought to my attention. The scarf Carol has in this episode can be linked to the scarf she wore in S3. They actually look very similar. Remember that at the prison, when T-Dog died and Lori gave birth to Judith, Carol was wearing a scarf over her head. Daryl found it with blood on it, which led him to assume she was dead. They even created a grave for her. But of course he found her (after finding her knife, btw) soon after and she lived.

It’s just a little too coincidental that this can be connected to a death fake out in season 3, and there’s a major knife exchange going on in the same episode. 

Daryl and Bike:

Okay, so I talked a lot about Daryl yesterday and how Bike = Beth. The part where he gets under the car is really interesting. I’m not entirely satisfied with how to interpret it yet, but I do think it represents leaving Beth behind and stuff that happened during the missing 17 days. 

You could call Daryl’s behavior here destructive. I mean, he crawled under a precariously perched car. And that could represent his depression, to the point of self-harm, after losing Beth. He does find the part he needs in the 3rd car (rule of threes). And that car was somewhat hidden at first. 

He didn’t see it until he’d already reached and checked the first two cars. So, that could represent looking for Beth’s body but there’s an unseen element he isn’t aware of at first. It also parallels the “third man” theory. (X).

When he gets back to the bike, he suddenly realizes he gave the knife to Carol and he needs it. His huge, Rambo knife is just too big to get it into the crevices of the bike to attach the new part. 

I think this is important for the future story line as well. After the spinoff starts, when he and Carol part ways, he’ll give her something and realize he needs it later on. It’s when he goes looking for this part that he’ll run into the CRM and Beth.

I also noticed kind of a cute little parallel here. When he realizes he doesn’t have the knife and he needs it, he sort of does this thing where he brushes his hair out of his face. He did a similar thing in Consumed. 

I just remember a lot of people commenting on how adorable it was. So I thought I’d point it out here as well.

So then he goes looking of Beth, er, I mean a new knife. I talked about a lot of this yesterday: the Beth walker, his limp, the dry river bed, etc. It’s important that he finds the knife with military walkers (probably the CRM). I can’t help but wonder if letting walker fall into the ravine represents him letting one of their communities get overrun with walkers or something. 

I also REALLY want to connect it to when the group did this in Them. In that scene, Rick was almost bitten. Daryl came running up at the last minute and helped him, but I think it’s significant that they were doing the exact same thing there that we see Daryl doing here. I’m thinking it represents something about maybe him finding Rick with the CRM and helping him in some way, or something. Again, just speculating about future storylines here.

But he finds the knife he needs and goes back to the bike. And two more military walkers come at him. Yes, two. You may have missed that, as I and my fellow theorists both did the first time. But one is coming at him from ahead of the bike, down the tracks. 

The other is coming at him from his right side. You can tell because he turns his head to look at it.

Couple of things here. Part of the reason it only seems like one is that they show it weird. We only see him killing the one straight ahead, not the one to the side. I’m sure there’s some symbolism in that, but I honestly have no idea what it is.

But here’s an interesting thing. He finds a second knife on that second walker. It doesn’t do a close up on the second knife, so it’s easy to miss. But there are actually 2 knives.

Not entirely sure how to interpret that, but remember that in Still, there were two knives. First, Daryl gave Beth his, but between rooms in the golf club, she found her bone-handled one that she always carried after that, and gave his back to him. So it might just represent Beth and Daryl and their 2 knives.

He also finds military rations (food) on one of them. As I said yesterday, I think TF is going to get to the point where they desperately need resources. Where food is scarce and even water becomes undrinkable. It will be part of the CRM plot. So I think him finding food on military walkers hints at that. They will need the CRM’s resources to survive.

The other thing I’m curious about is what he says. He says, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” To me, that’s a weird reaction. There are walkers all over the place in these woods. And neither of these two are a massive, immediate threat to him. So his reaction doesn’t make tons of sense. But again, I’m sure it has something to do with a future storyline that simply isn’t clear here yet. 

Also, the walker he takes the knife from is missing his leg/foot. That’s part of the missing foot/shoe symbolism, and just proves in my mind that this is symbolic of something to do with Beth. 

He then sets to fixing his bike. But it takes a while and it’s dark before he finishes. This was super cool and something I missed the first time through. While fixing it, he hears a wolf howl. And they draw attention to it by having Daryl turn his head toward it, as thought acknowledging it. 

Plus, the captions say it’s a wolf, not a dog or a coyote. So, this is wolf symbolism. And I think what they’re trying to say her is that when Daryl finds and “fixes” Beth, the wolf symbolism will be in play. I’ll talk more about what the means and how it MIGHT manifest in coming days.

Finally, he gets the bike fixed and started and heads back.

@wdway​, as usual with her eagle eyes, noticed something about this shot. In the sky above him, we see three stars. They look suspiciously like the “spoon” portion of the Little Dipper. And guys, at this distant, stars wouldn’t even register on camera, which means they were put in purposely with a computer. Daryl is riding toward the spoon/star/Sirius symbol. Just saying. 

The only other thing I noticed (other than all the stuff I talked about yesterday, anyway) is that there is some missing time here. Daryl fixes his bike at night and we see him drive off into the darkness, but by the time he gets back and talks to Carol, it’s late afternoon or early evening, and he’s talking about going to bed. I don’t know if he could have gone out far enough for it to take him that long to get back. Of course, maybe he just looked some more the next day and didn’t come back right away. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. But it’s something I noticed.

So, yeah. I think that’s all the details I have. Anyone notice anything I missed?

[giyuwu-san]

burn the stage — part 1 // dabi

—  A multi-chapter fic complete with your favorite indie and mainstream bops. Watch as you fall in love with the captivating guitarist of a band one drunken, perfect night. (BAND AU)

↱ PAIRING : Dabi x Female!Reader

↱ WORD COUNT : 5K

↱ WARNINGS : Mentions of alcohol, Suggestive themes, Strong language, Dabi being hot

↱ TAGS : @yusemis​ @lordexplosionsextra​ @astrrnmy​​ @basicallyberry​ @j-brielmalfoy​ (I actually remembered my taglist this time wow)

↱ AUTHOR’S NOTE : Thank you sosososo much to @kaikamikazi​ for allowing me to use her likeness for Kai’s character! Happy birthday to my favorite clown <3 everyone please wish her a happy birthday woot woot !!! And also huge huge thanks to @doughnuts-5ever​ and @jojosmilktea​ for helping me proofread/betaread this fic huhu it was a whole ass mess you guys are absolute legends tysm!!

↱ PLAYLIST

↱ SERIES  MASTERLIST 

------------------------------------------------✈

scene one; no song

          "Thousands of years ago, our ancestors looked up at the night sky and saw a field of lights." 

The aged man paced around the room, hands folded behind his back and hair graying by the roots. His side facing the blackboard on the wall, he continued;

          "None of them really knew what they were," he stopped and looked at the vast sea of students perched atop of chairs in the big room. "But, they made a fascinating observation."

You sat listening to your professor, your chin perched on your open palm, and eyes focused on the notebook that sat idly on your connected desks. 

          "They noticed that the patterns were predictable and had clear effects." The man said with some form of self-acknowledged eureka, his left hand coming up to the height of his face, index finger pointing up at the heavily-lit ceiling. "The seasons, the tides, the harvests."

          "Incredible, isn't it?" he resumed.

The man was about to continue on his tangent. But that was until a hand shot up in the air, followed by a voice. 

          "Uhm, professor?" the boy who raised his hand asked. "Aren't we supposed to be learning about chemistry?" 

Your professor looked at him, who now appeared to be slightly frightened by the blank but disrupted gaze of his teacher. 

          “Pfft—” 

You turned around to see your friend Kai, her head resting upon her folded arms. Was she seriously trying to sleep through the lesson again?

          “The one opportunity we got to sleep,” she sighed. “You just had to ruin it, brainy.”

          “Is that seriously what you call a sufficient insult?” you asked as you fully tilted your head towards her direction.

          “Wasn’t saying it to insult him.” She said casually as she massaged her head with the hand closest to her, face still partially buried within her entangled arms. “Wasn’t saying it to compliment him either though.”

You scoffed.

          “You’re unbelievable,” and at that, the darker-skinned girl turned to you with horror in her eyes.

          “Oh no,” she said petrified.

          “What?”

          “You’re being a Karen again.” 

You looked at her dumbfounded, sighing.

          “I am not being a Karen,” you started. “I’m just saying—” 

It was already too late, however, as Kai had both her hands covering her ears, blocking out your protests as well as all her other life issues. 

You sighed once more and turned your attention back to your professor, your notebook still open on your desk.

          “Your semester is practically over,” said your professor, standing idly in front of all the students, his left hand reaching up to habitually play with the fabric of his suit tie. 

          “So, let me have some me-time every once in a while," he continued.

‘You never let us have any me-time—’ is what you could feel the hoard of tired students internally screaming around you. 

The aged man cleared his throat and set along to once again resume his lengthy ramble. 

          “Where was I?” he asked himself, his feet already departing from his standstill position in the middle of the room as he started walking about once more. 

          “Ah yes, so it seemed logical that these lights shaped everything else in our lives. But with the scientific method disproving all these theories, why do people still look for meaning in the stars?”

A hand shot up in the air once again, only to be shot back down by a quick hand gesture from the professor.

          “Calm down now, I’m not done yet,” he said. 

          “Many prolific historical figures of our kind, such as the Iikes of William Shakespeare, have used the concept of astrology as a metaphorical expression, more than an actual study. Whether or not he truly believed in it, he still used the idea of astrology to create some of his most well-known epigrams to date,” he continued.

          “With lines such as; ‘These late eclipses in the sun and moon portend no good to us.’ from King Lear, ‘A pair of star-cross’d lovers take their life.’ from Romeo and Juliet— I’m sure a lot of you are familiar with that one." He faced the students once more. "And my utmost favorite, ‘The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars—’” 

          “But in ourselves, that we are underlings.” 

          “—From Julius Caesar,” the professor smiled. “Well done, Miss L/N.”

Shock settled into your form, having realized that you had said that much louder than you had anticipated. Now with the burning stares of your classmates and uncontrolled laughter coming from a seatmate you used to call your best friend, you let out an exasperated sigh, head falling onto your desk and arms protecting you from the unfiltered judgment of the outside world. 

You sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time that day before finally coming out of hiding, your chin once again finding shelter in your welcoming palm. You stared down at your open notebook, observing each line and angle. Stared at the drawings of orbits clashing together with the unwelcome intrusion of jotted scientific equations. A picture of the sun as each planet aligned themselves accordingly within their rotation, along with the lengthy compound formula of 4 Bromo, 3-4 Dichloro, Ethyl Hexanoate, written briskly, and uncared for.

But despite your apparent unhappiness and deep-rooted sorrow, you lifted your head forward and listened to the lesson in front of you.

"You seriously need to loosen up," said Kai, her head faced towards you. "When was the last time you danced to music alone in your bedroom?"

You thought about it for a second.

She sighed.

          "You're so sad," she sighed once more and patted your head. "Poor baby."

She brought her hand down from the crown of your head, arm now resting on your shoulders as she brought you in closer. 

          "I'm gonna get you laid tonight," she said with conviction. You looked at her profile, absolutely bewildered.

          "I'm sorry, what?"

          "That's right," she nodded her head in content. "You're having sex tonight, just leave it to me."

          "Shouldn't we work on having me dance to music alone in my bedroom first?" you countered.

          "Even better," she grinned at you with the type of grin your primary teachers warned you about. You know, those creepy man smiles that you should run away from when faced with in a dark, ominous alley? "I'm taking you to a bar."

You could feel Mrs. Peterson screaming at you to run. 

But nobody really listened to Mrs. Peterson. Sorry.

You sighed once more at your beaming friend and nodded your head slowly.

          "Whatever," you finally said. Attention spanning back to the lecture in front of you as you turned your head. "After the class ends."

Kai smiled and leaned back into her chair, legs crossing and folded arms supporting her head from behind. She looked utterly satisfied.

          "Alright Karen," she said. 

          "My name is not Karen," you grumbled.

          "Then stop being such a Karen and let me have my fun," she closed her eyes and smiled. Totally abandoning the lecture playing out before her. Chemistry was all just a bunch of bullshit anyway. 

scene two; black eyes

Ambient lighting and muffled voices were what greeted you and Kai as you both entered the bar. The light that shone down above you cast an evanescent sheen across the tiny, hidden bar. 

You fumbled in with your red dress and heeled boots, bridging the edge of comfortable and painfully exposed. It’s been years since you've last worn a dress. 

          "Are you sure this isn't some kind of ancient speakeasy?" you asked Kai, uneasy. 

          "A speakeasy for bands and stuff sure," she shrugged. "Sadly, no dancing flapper girls, so sorry to disappoint." 

You nodded and started heading towards the bar. No matter how badly you wanted to keep up the 'holier than thou' attitude, college was rough and unforgiving. 

You ordered your drink and sat down on the stool, Kai following you shortly after as she sat beside you. 

          "I heard there's gonna be a good band playing tonight," she rings up the bartender and orders a drink. 

She takes one look at your drooping face and sighed, her hand coming up to massage your shoulder. 

          "Loosen up," she takes a sip from her drink, "just for tonight, okay?"

You sighed and nodded timidly, copying her as you took a swig of your own drink. 

          "Looks like they're almost up," she taps your shoulder. "Mr. Compress is about to introduce them." 

          "Mister wha—" she shushes you before you could continue, leaving you no other choice but to sigh and watch.

The man with the strange name took center-stage with the microphone in his hand. The crowd seemed to know who he was, for they cheered and started gathering at the front of the stage. 

          "Let's go take a closer look too," Kai stood up and started dragging you with her. "Take your drink with you."

You looked at the already half-empty glass and shrugged, opting to chug it down instead. You finished your drink and walked with Kai towards the pit of people, still confused about what exactly was going on.

The strangely named man started to speak.

          "Ladies and gentlemen," he threw his free hand in the air by his side flamboyantly. "What an incredible pleasure to have you all here tonight. I am delighted to see some familiar faces, and some new ones too." 

He grinned.

          "I'm sure a lot of you are here to relieve some stress, no?" he asked, and the crowd cheered in affirmation. The man chuckled and continued;

          "Well, I best not keep my wonderful patrons waiting then." The crowd cheered louder. "Without further delay, may I present to you, The Villain League!"

The crowd roared as four people took the stage, varied instruments at their disposal, but the one that caught your eye was the one that stood at the center, a guitarist, and a good looking one at that. 

He was mostly dressed in dark clothing, aside from the white t-shirt he wore under his long coat. His features were hidden beneath the shadow cast by the dimmed lights.

And that was when the music started.

Electric guitar blinded your senses and opened your eyes. The exhilarating sound numbed the nerves that coursed through your entire body. Every hair on your body stood on its roots, awakened by the new thrill of music.

The lights turned on to the max, and the crowd went wild. Hands flew up in the air, the drinks in the opposite limb gambling on the edge of death.

It was music like you've never heard before. 

          "Holy shit," you said to yourself, the alcohol in your system taking its effect.

The man in the middle started singing, and you gasped as you took in the rest of his features. A good portion of his face and neck were covered in burn marks, as well as the top of his torso, which then spread across his arms. You awed.

How could someone who looked so damaged be so perfect?

Your eyes watched in wonder as your ears listened with delight. You made a mental note to thank Kai for dragging you into one of the best nights of your life. 

So this is what college was supposed to be like.

You smiled, feeling the bricks fall off your shoulders. You stood straighter as your eyes opened wider, and shined even brighter. 

This is so awesome.

You threw your hands in the air and let out a scream with the rest of the crowd. Kai catches sight of this and follows along with your mania, a laugh escaping her lips.

You were enjoying the aura of absolute chaos, but nothing had prepared you the moment your eyes caught his, staring right back at you. His mouth formed a devilish smile that made all the heat rush through your body in mere seconds. 

          "The girl in the red dress," he said into the microphone. Your eyes widened in unalloyed shock as they caught sight of the mischievous glint in his own. "Come out on stage with us."

What the fuck?

The crowd cheered louder and started to look around to find who he was referring to. They soon caught sight of you, who was still calculating the odds of you being the only girl in red. 

The sea of people parted and formed a direct path from you to the stage, and you were honestly shell shocked. 

Kai laughed and cheered you on.

          "Congrats Karen, you've officially been promoted to Moses!" she cheered even louder.

          "What, I—" you sputtered out.

Kai took her left hand and smacked your back, forcing you to stumble forward.

          "Go!" she yelled at you through the howls of the crowd. "Get. Fucking. Laid!"

At that, the crowd burst into an explosion of screams. Whistles and hoots were all that was heard as your shaking legs made its way towards the stage. 

You eventually made it to the edge, and the enigmatic guitarist leaned down to help you. Grasping your hand firmly in his, he hoisted you up easily. 

          "What's your name?" he leaned into your ear as he said it, his steady voice combating all other noises, and winning. 

          "Y/N," you said right back into his ear, a shiver coursing through your body as the current situation was doing its number on your sanity.

          "Nice shoes Y/N," he said cooly, and your head started spinning.

          "Uh, thank you—"

          "Let's have a good time together," he smirked at you, who blushed madly. 

You looked over at the rest of his bandmates. A young girl with a blonde fringe manning the second electric guitar, she looked at you and grinned widely at you. Eyes smiled shut and tongue jutting out, she threw you a peace sign in welcome. 

You looked behind you and saw a strange-looking man playing both the bass and keyboard. You made eye contact with him and he smiled, only for him to completely change his expression and give you the stink-eye, much to your confusion and anxiety. 

Finally, you looked over at the drummer who had dead-looking baby blue hair; he glanced at you and nodded briefly in acknowledgment.

          "Don't mind the last two," the mysterious guitarist chuckled, "they're a lot more decent than they seem."

You nodded and smiled at him.

          "So," he started. "Care to join in on the fun?" 

You took a deep breath.

          "Okay."

It was funny how you had started with not even being able to dance alone in your room. And now here you were, dancing along with countless strangers to music you never felt before.  

scene three; ilysb

            "You're new here, right?" the man said. He was sitting across from you with his head resting on his hand. His piercing blue eyes were focused only on you. 

It had been about an hour since you stepped foot inside the hidden bar and thirty minutes since you were standing on stage with the band having the time of your life. 

You looked over to the stage and saw your drunk friend Kai singing 'I Kissed a Girl,' microphone in her hands as she belted her heart out to the cheering crowd. 

You couldn't help but chuckle, before turning your attention back to the enigmatic man staring intently at you.

          "That's not slightly creepy at all," you answered jokingly. 

The man chuckled slyly.

          "I play here almost every night," he retorted coolly. "I would have definitely remembered you if you weren't new." 

You nodded. Smooth.

          "Fuck men!" you turned around to find Kai screaming into the microphone, one hand on the microphone stand and the other on the microphone itself. You sighed at the common occurrence. 

          "Fun friend you got," the man with burn marks said, attention also brought over to your crazed friend.

You sighed and nodded.

          "I'm this close to dropping her," you said with no conviction.

He seemed to have caught on to your tone and answered accordingly.

          "But you never will," he said.

          "Yup," you nodded once more.

You looked over to him again, the alcohol in your body taking full effect.

          "Wanna get out of here?" you asked him.

He looked at you with his eyebrow raised, a small smirk playing on his lips.

          "And abandon your fun friend?" he asked you.

          "Yes," you looked at him straight in the eyes as you said it.

          "Sounds fun," he said, already standing up from his seat.

You followed suit, casting your drunk friend one last look before following the strange man out of the small speakeasy.

The cold night air greeted your body that clung tightly onto the limited warmth of your sweater jacket. You walked idly with the man standing beside you, the streets painted a dark vignette by the evening sky. The night suited him, you thought.

You let out a deep exhale which invaded the darkness with its cold color, the hues fighting until the dull white was engulfed by the overwhelming darkness of nightfall.

You looked up at the stars that were scattered across the sky, their white twinkle enrapturing the night sky with its light and color. Their light so bright that it couldn't be overthrown by the darkness of black. Instead, they were displayed up in the sky, allowed to show off their beauty with no restraints. 

          "Orion's in the sky," you observed quietly. 

The man turned over to look at you.

          "The constellation?" he asked as he too tilted his head up to watch the night sky.

          "Yeah," you nodded, "I can't find the Pleiades, though." 

Absentmindedly, your feet started moving in hopes to catch sight of the constellation. The dark-haired man watched you quizzically.

          "Do you really think moving around will make them appear?" he asked you, who was now trudging farther and farther away. He sighed and started following you.

          "There're so many buildings around," you groaned in your drunken state. "Can't a girl just see her stars when she wants to?" 

He tilted his head in slight amusement and chuckled lowly. 

          "If it's the buildings you're worried about, I know where there's a field," he said. You turned around instantly.

          "Show me this field, good sir." 

          "It's this way," he tilted his head over to the right, feet already walking towards its direction. You followed him, skipping.

You eventually were led towards an open field located on a small hill in the park. Wow, we had a park?

          "Woah," you said in wonder. Your arms flying up from your sides as you spun around the grass, hair dancing in the breeze from your movements.

The man just watched you curiously, a small smile of endearment flickering on his lips.

You let out a big sigh of contempt and threw yourself down onto the grass floor, feeling at peace as the earthly bodies embraced you. The man who led you here followed suit, leaving little to no distance between your two figures as he laid down beside you.

          "Can you see the Pleiades now?" he asked from beside you.

You looked up and examined the heavens, and your eye immediately catches the open star cluster that painted the sky. A gasp escapes your lips as you point up at the constellation you were looking for.

          "There they are!" you squealed slightly, unable to control your excitement in your drunken state.

          "Why'd you want to see them so badly?" he looked at you and asked.

          "If you catch sight of Orion, then you're most likely gonna find the Pleiades too." You started, eyes focused eagerly on the stars. "There's this whole story behind them you know, about Orion and the Seven Sisters.

          "It was said by Greek mythology that Orion fell in love with the sisters, and pined over them for 12 years. He would always chase after them in hopes that they would become his someday. But that was until one day Zeus decided to turn him and the sisters into stars. So Orion could chase them forever for the rest of eternity but never once be able to touch them."

          "Wow," he said from beside you.

          "Yeah," you said from beside him.

          "You said they were the Seven Sisters," he said.

          "Yeah?" you turned your head over to look at him, his eyes seemingly glowing under the star studded sky.

          "But I can only see six at most," he stated.

          "Oh," you turned your head back to the sky. "That's because those are the only ones visible to the naked eye. If you look through a telescope, a dozen more stars are visible."

          "Is there a story behind that, too?" he asked.

          "Yup," you stated and continued. "According to storytellers, Merope— one of the sisters, is hiding her face because she's the only one of the sisters who married a mortal and thus isn't respected for it. 

          "Her husband, Sisyphus isn't represented in the night sky either, cause he was condemned by Zeus to forever roll a stone up a hill in Hades only to watch it roll down again when he almost gets it to the top."

          "That's..." his voice drifted off, "really sad." 

You hummed in affirmation.

          "You really like astronomy, huh?" he stated. "I'm assuming you're into astrology too?"

          "Yeah," you answered.

          "So, you're some type of zodiac girl," he said. "How quirky."

You scoffed.

          "What type of music are you into?" he suddenly changed the subject, surprising you.

          "I don't listen to music that much honestly," you said, surprising him, but not showing it on his face.

          "Okay," he said. "Very quirky."

You laughed at yourself.

          "Are you okay?" he asked you jokingly, maybe the alcohol was finally starting to get to him too. "Childhood trauma? Emotional baggage? Crazy ex-boyfriend?" 

          "Traumatizing college life," you said matter-of-factly. "And also just downright not having the time to listen to music."

          "Spotify's expensive, too," you added.

          "Ever heard of a radio?" he asked.

          "Yes, but I can never concentrate on studying when music is on," you said.

          "Ah," he said in a moment of realization. "It all makes perfect sense now. What's your major?"

          "Organic chemistry," you said.

          "Yeah," he nodded. "Makes sense."

          "Kindly enlighten me then, cause I can't make sense of anything going on in my life," you said.

          "You're a young adult suffering from the expectations and academically-focused constructs of our society," he said.

          "Damn," you started. "You're right." 

You sighed and placed your attention back at the azure before you.

          "The moon's crying," you stated.

          "What?" he asked, confused.

          "The moon feels sad," you answered vaguely.

          "The moon is sad," he stated beside you, eyes now focused onto the heavenly body in question. "The moon's just a broken planet that needs the sun to make it shine."

          "Just because it needs help doesn't mean their shine is any less beautiful," you said back.

A long silence passed between the two of you, he looked at you, whose focus was still set onto the night sky. Whatever had you so enchanted by them, he might never know, but as he watched your features bloom with the ethereal sparkle of night, the twinkle in your eyes matching— no, outshining that of the stars you looked so fondly upon, he just sighed softly.

          "Whatever you say, zodiac girl."

scene four; still with you

You were walking home with him in the cold night air, wind dancing softly around both of your figures as the gentle shrill tickled your senses. 

It was colder than usual, you thought. But maybe that was just from the thrill of not spending your nights like you usually did, alone in your bedroom studying a topic you couldn't care less about. You sighed.

When was the last time you were able to lay down on your bed listening to music?

You were grateful for Kai, who you just realized had been abandoned at the bar she forced you into. You prayed for your survival the following day. You say that, but in the end, you were nonetheless thankful for giving you a college experience other than cramming every day.

You thought about what you would have been doing if you weren't forced into the bar, and laughed at the predictability. 

You finally made it to your front door.

          "Goodnight," the blue-eyed man said to you. 

          "Yeah," you said back. "Thanks for walking me home."

He nodded and watched as you made your way over to your front door.

You stopped.

You didn't know if it was the alcohol in your system, the cold night air, the thrilling atmosphere of spontaneity, or all of the above. But right now, you weren't in the mood to answer any multiple-choice questions.

You wanted to live for once. You wanted to feel anything else other than the dread of an upcoming deadline or relief after a grueling exam. 

For once, you wanted— needed to be free of the expectations and academically-centered constructs of society. Constructs that you never wanted to question until now.

Even if it was only for tonight, you wanted to do the thing you wanted to do. 

Even if it turns into a mistake, you would gladly take it for a few minutes of freedom.

You turned around and ran towards the man whose names you realized you didn't even know. But you were too far gone to be stopped. 

Your hands found the side of his face and pulled your faces close, eyes meeting and lips almost touching. You breathed nervously.

          "Can I kiss you?" you asked suddenly.

Shock and confusion flickered before his eyes but disappeared just as quickly.

          "Sure—" he said, and your lips finally connected.

The kiss lasted for mere seconds until you pulled away, flustered and drunk and confused.

What were you doing?

You turned back around to enter your home and scream at yourself.

How could you just throw yourself at him like that?

But suddenly, his hand grabbed your arm and pulled you back towards him, connecting your lips once more. You could have sworn you melted.

The kiss lasted much longer, lips moving against one another and breaths being mixed together in the cold night outside your apartment building. Your hands in his hair and his arms around your shaking frame.

You pulled away to catch your breath, your air puffing up in the chilly twilight.

You pulled onto the sleeve of his jacket and led him towards your apartment, rushing past the other tenants and employees, you quickly got on the elevator where more kisses were exchanged in a drunken haze.

The elevator doors opened, and the two of you rushed out with you guiding him to your door.

You hurriedly put in your key, hands slightly shaking, the door opens and you hastily go inside.

He comes into your small apartment and closes the door with his foot, the door meeting the frame with a soft thud. He pushes you against the wall and your lips meet once again.

You didn't know how much time had passed with his lips moving against yours and hands roaming across your body, the contact sending both heat and shivers to course through your entire being. 

His lips moved to your jaw, slowly making its journey down to your neck. Your breath hitched. 

Some more time passed with low moans and heavy breathing coming from the both of you, now laying on your twin-sized bed half-naked.

You looked out the window beside your bed and saw the stars and moon staring back at you, illuminating your figures in its magical glow. 

It was like time didn't exist when you were engulfed in his arms, his lips peppering your body in kisses and bite marks causing you to moan softly. You wanted to know what he was thinking, what he was feeling, with the moonlight shining softly on his features.

Your hands found themselves buried in his soft hair, time passing by faster as more clothes were being discarded around you.

          "Y/N..." he said your name softly. His light voice passes by you, sending shivers down your spine. 

Your breath hitched. Having no name to call out to, you whimpered instead. Your bodies intertwined together under the dim light of your apartment, and your heart taking timid steps towards him, tripping and falling deeper and deeper. 

It was colder than usual, the low-pitched hum of the air conditioner you forgot to turn off comforting you from afar. Your body shivered more, not used to the sensations. It felt good, it felt really good, but there was something about it that pained you and made you want to fall apart. 

The unfamiliarity of the pleasure and sweat clouded your mind and made you think back to the times when you were studying instead. This was far different than the dull absence your mind feels when reviewing all your lessons. But even then, thinking back to the simple emotions that came from your textbooks and notes, maybe these simple feelings were special to you too.

The night progressed further, and time was lost once and for all in the midst of your shared pleasure, the night turning darker as the sparkling sky glowed onto your sweaty figures. 

You both reached your climax and breathed heavily, eyes meeting and foreheads touching in what seemed like a hazy afterglow, both your minds fogged and judgments clouded. 

Your hand delicately went up to touch his cheek, his eyes shimmering in the glow of the night sky. He looked at you with the faintest smile. Underneath it was painted the most beautiful purple, his broken and damaged face sending your heart into a fit of shooting stars. 

His body collapsed next to you on the small bed, arms encasing you tightly against his warm body.

You looked over to the window beside your bed. The sun was slowly rising, and the moon began to fade away into the brightening sky. 

You felt your eyes slowly closing, finally giving in to the sleep you denied yourself all night.

Goodbye moon.

And just as the moon left your sky that February sunrise, so did the man who slept next to you that very next day.

[shiny-procrastinates]

(re)Watching Magia Record S1 - part 4

part 3 here

Hello everyone and welcome back to our... I don't know how to call this really, I'm more narrating what's happening in the screen than anything, but in any case today we are continuing what we have been doing these last few days.

Last time, we had an episode focused on the Momoko trio, got handed even more mysteries and had a brief cameo of our favorite drill-haired mahou shoujo. So what will this episode have in stock for us? Only one way to find out! (these introductions are getting cornier and cornier, I'm running out of ideas here.)

Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story: Magia Record S1 episode 4

Today, Iroha's visiting a chinese food restaurant on Mitama's recomendation. Well, I suppose even magical girls have to eat sometime.

But before that, let's wind back a little bit.

After the op, we get a little monologue from Iroha about "friends". It's probably obvious by now that she's not the biggest social butterfly out there, but this scene basically tells us that Iroha had no friends besides her missing sister, which just makes this even more sad, honestly. The solitary atmosphere of the first episode was no coincidence.

While dropping by Mitama's, Iroha hears from Momoko the aftermath of the fight with the Chain Witch from last episode. Momoko says everyone who had disappeared had come back safely, and says that might've not been a witch, but something lurking behind the rumor. The trio brings up some other weird rumors while Mitama desecrates a perfectly good cheesecake.

“Mitama-san, why“

Iroha asks if there's some rumor where people went missing and Momoko guesses correctly that she's wondering if her sister didn't get caught up in one of those. Sadly, they don't know any other rumor where people went missing besides the Staircase of Severance.

Oh my god Mitama is eating that thing, looks like the Coordinator's will be closed for a while.

The girls try to brainstorm some ways to look for Iroha's sister but, well...

Like this, Iroha just looks like some weird girl who insists her imaginary younger sister is real... which she might be, I wouldn't put that possibility past this series, but for now we are assuming her sister actually existed.

Iroha pokes in and says she'll do it herself, since she has no idea where to start investigating now and it'll probably turn into a long search anyway. Momoko's not very convinced. Mitama then hands Iroha Banbanzai's flyer and now we are back to the present.

In Banbanzai we meet Tsuruno Yui, Kamihama's (self-proclaimed) Strongest Magical Girl. The size of the dishes are also the strongest. One has to wonder how does Tsuruno explain to her father the "magical girl discount" she has going on.

Iroha eats a bit under the expectant eyes of Tsuruno and, when pressured for a rating she says...

50/100, or 2.5/5 when going by the occidental style rating. Tsuruno's shock here is impressive considering that's Banbanzai's usual rating no matter what it puts out. Hey, consistency is good!

After eating, Iroha apologizes for giving such a low rating despite getting free food, but Tsuruno explains basically what I wrote. Yes, Iroha, you guessed right.

Tsuruno apologizes for not having any hints in regards to her sister and, after getting Iroha to call her by her first name, says she'll try to introduce her to someone that might help her with investigating the strange rumors. Tsuruno is hesitant on the phone at first but quickly gets excited as the person on the other side of the line agrees to meet them right away. And the person they go meet is...

Yachiyo, obviously. She's like "I have no time for this" at first, but is stopped by a crying Tsuruno and ends up telling them about the rumor she's investigating.

The rumor Yachiyo's investigating right now is about the Seance Shrine. Basically, there's a rumor saying that if you visit a certain shrine, write the name of who you want to see on a ema and pray properly, you will meet that person. However, you'll be so happy you'll become unable to leave.

Yachiyo says while investigating she found some posts of people saying they actually met who they wanted to meet who disappeared afterwards. Tsuruno wonders if anyone has been declared missing and Yachiyo points out that even if there was, no one would think to attribute a missing person to a rumor.

Tsuruno has a eureka moment and asks if the Seance Shrine is Mizuna Shrine, but Yachiyo says she already tried and nothing happened... wait, hey Yachiyo,  that's dangerous, what if it really was the right one? lol

Yachiyo says she already had low hopes, but if somewhere with so many visitors as Mizuna Shrine was the Seance Shrine, it would already be all over the news with the amount of people that would go missing... which is a very fair point.

So the girls have no choice but to go around and look for a less known shrine. For better or worse, there are a lot of them in Mizuna.

In one of them, Tsuruno finds a stamp rally going on in Mizuna Ward, and asks if that couldn't be a tip in regards to the rumor. Iroha's skeptical at first, but Yachiyo says they might as well do it, since it's better than looking around blindly.

While they walk around, Yachiyo tells Iroha the legend of the star-crossed lovers that was cited in the stamp rally paper. It's the tale of how two lovers of different social standings were separated by death (well, assassination), and then reunited after countless prayers from the princess. Iroha says that it's a lovely story, but Yachiyo doesn't seem to think the same.

Yachiyo then tells Iroha the hidden, true ending of the history, where the princess sacrifices all of the people of the town to their god in order to meet her beloved again.

and magical girls should know that better than anyone else.

A bit later, Tsuruno says doing this almost makes it feel like the old times, but Yachiyo just ignores her. Iroha asks if they've been close for a long time and Yachiyo says they used to be, but they're not anymore. Seeing from Tsuruno's behaviour, though, that's gotta be because of Yachiyo herself.

Iroha comments that even if it was a past relation, she's still jealous, since she's never had any friends besides Ui. Ui was everything to her, so now that she's gone, Iroha feels empty... it's a bit concerning that she feels like that when you consider her sister was ill enough that Iroha had to cure her with a wish. What would have happened had she not become a magical girl?

Yachiyo says, but this isn't the past to Iroha. She firmly believes that Ui must be out there somewhere, so she wants to find her as fast as possible. Yachiyo then tells her that if that's the case, she shouldn't be tied down by her past, she should become stronger, for her sister's sake.

Like that, they finally reach the Seance Shrine...

not. They end up back at Mizuna Shrine, which Yachiyo had already discarded as a possibility due to the number of people that would've gone missing if that had been the case. Yachiyo had thought that there had to be a connection between the rumor and the legend, so maybe they missed a hint somewhere. The trio doubles back for the day.

However, as they head back, something crucial dawns on Yachiyo:

She's a broke college student and today was 10xPoints Day.

Yachiyo gets Tsuruno and Iroha to help her and goes grocery shopping. Yachiyo tells Iroha about the points benefit, but Iroha has no idea what she's talking about, so Yachiyo says she's still a kid... yeah, but I think it would be weirder if a middle schooler knew about this stuff.

Being a magical girl sure is suffering. You get kidnapped from trains and buses, and can't even catch a sale without getting a witch as a freebie. There is no rest.

Here! I can finally comment that it creeps me out the fact that Iroha sleeps with a plushie of this thing. I know it's in this series' style to have weird things going on in the background, but still...

The fight starts and- Iroha why the heck are you going to the front what is that crossbow even for. Yachiyo tells Iroha to stay behind her, but Iroha's holding the idiot ball right now... partly because Yachiyo told her to get stronger, but still. Iroha shoots a few times at the witch, trips, misses espetacularly and almost becomes witch food. Great job, Iroha.

Now, while Iroha's hesitating about what to do, in comes Tsuruno.

Maybe not the best time to be striking poses, Tsuruno.

Iroha screws up once again and sends Tsuruno flying but, as expected of the (self-proclaimed) Mightiest, she still makes short work of the witch (also probably because we're running out of time for this episode).

I'm guessing Iroha's magic in combinations just makes the other person's magic stronger. Kinda lame when you think about the previous two examples, but I guess that's standard for light magic in games... it's already weird enough that their magic has attributes at all but, oh well, game logic.

In the end, poor Yachiyo missed the sale. However, thanks to not being blinded by shiny discounts, she realized something important they were forgetting about the rumor.

Sure enough, just like Yachiyo said, Seance Shrine really was Mizuna Shrine at night. When they walk in...

The extremely suspicious chibi Kyuubei appears. I was going to say it that it only appears in rumors, but the first time it appeared was in a witch Labyrinth, so that's not it either... wait, wasn't it singing a song about rumors the first time Iroha met it? Hmmm...

In any case, the group heads further in, and the rumor very kindly gives them some plaques. Yachiyo tells Tsuruno not to write anything, since they don't know what'll happen and they'd both write the same name anyway.

The plaques turn into something like familiars as soon as they finish writing, and Tsuruno is held back for not writing anything. Iroha hesitates a second with Tsuruno being attacked, but obeys when Tsuruno tells her to go ahead and take care of Yachiyo... I, uh... have a feeling the opposite scenario is more likely, though.

Yachiyo and Iroha go ahead and offer their prayers. Then, when Iroha opens her eyes...

they are at a different place, and what both of them see is...

The people they longed to meet.

Iroha's time has begun to move again.

---- x ----

Aaaand that was episode 4. This time, I wasn't dumb and actually checked the episode was over before starting to write the closing part.

This is probably true of the previous episodes too, but I particularly like how the colors are used in this one. The tale part had not really the same sepia tone of historical things, but more of a celestial yellow tone, and the part at the witch labyrinth in the supermarket has a cute candy-like tone to it. It's not the same subdued kind of realistic thing like in, say, SSSS.Gridman, but there are some good, calm parts in here.

During the rally, when Iroha was telling Yachiyo about not having anything besides Ui, the procession they were walking in the middle of is a reference to Kitsune no Yomeiri I think, but I couldn't really connect the situation or what they were talking about to the tale so I decided to not point it out up there. Do feel free to search about it and draw your own conclusions.

I forgot what else I wanted to say, so I guess I should tie this up now. Did you know? Writing the introduction and close-up is actually harder than writing about the episode itself so you'll have to forgive me for not being able to think up anything besides "see you next time". In fact...

See you next time, on episode 5!

[howaminotinthestrokesyet]

From Green River to Nirvana to Bush: A Brief History of Grunge

The origin of the term grunge, which means either repugnant or dirty came from most likely a Sub Pop music catalog to describe an EP released by the band Green River in 1987. “Gritty vocals, roaring Marshall amps, ultra-loose GRUNGE that destroyed the morals of a generation". The term grunge had been used since the 1960’s to describe an array of bands, but this was the first time the term had been applied to any music out of Seattle. One of the reasons the music coming out of Seattle sounded so dirty or sludgy came for a very practical reason. Most of these groups did not have very much money, which meant when creating new songs in the studio these artists could not spend the money they did not have on cleaning up the sound. The scene of Seattle first came from two colleges, Evergreen State and the University of Washington, which brought about the hugely popular radio station KAOS, where Nirvana would actually play in 1987. Many major bands that came out of Seattle like Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden hated the term. One primary reason was the fact that it stereotyped these bands into one generic genre as even these three specific groups were vastly different from one another. Nirvana was pop punk, Pearl Jam embodied classic rock, and Soundgarden turned out to be much more metal. Ben Shepherd of Soundgarden would say he hated the term and did not want to be associated with it. Many musicians from Seattle all the way down the line never referred to grunge in any manner whatsoever. Rolling Stone would say that there did not exist any clear definition of what defined grunge as it covered a bunch of bands that were very different from each other.

The start of early grunge in Seattle began when Black Flag came to town in 1984. They were the poster child for hardcore punk at the time. Black Flag’s album My War was huge in terms of Seattle’s sound as it took elements of metal and traditional rock, then slowed it down. Steve Turner of Mudhoney would later comment. “A lot of other people around the country hated the fact that Black Flag slowed down ... but up here it was really great ... we were like 'Yay!' They were weird and fucked-up sounding." One of the people that went to these Black Flag shows was Buzz Osbourne, lead singer of local group the Melvins. After seeing Black Flag, he began writing riffs for his own band that were much slower and heavier. This became the very beginning of Northwest grunge, which producer Jack Endino called slowed down punk rock. Seattle musician Leighton Breezer would describe it as essentially playing punk rock backwards. Another key ingredient to grunge’s development came in the infusion of metal elements with the greatest influence being Black Sabbath. One approach for these early bands was to take a metal riff, then play it backwards with a ton of feedback, while screaming lyrics on top of it. Another other source of the grunge sound came with indie rock, which should not be discounted because it brought that pop melody into the equation. A huge influence on this emerged with Sonic Youth. Other artists included Pixies and Dinosaur Jr. Kurt Cobain identified with the former in particular as he noted in a Rolling Stone interview, "I connected with that band so heavily that I should have been in that band—or at least a Pixies cover band. We used their sense of dynamics, being soft and quiet and then loud and hard." These artists did seem to embrace the ugly aspect of the music as they loved to pen dark lyrics mirroring society at the time. This stood in stark contrast to the mainstream sex, drugs and rock and roll of the hair metal coming out of Los Angeles. The Seattle bands would even take things from so called cheesy rock bands like Kiss. Buzz Osbourne would say they would steal from the ridiculous rock bands too seeing what they could get away with all the time. Rock writer Kyle Anderson would say this about grunge when reviewing Sixteen Stone from Bush. “The twelve songs on Sixteen Stone sound exactly be like what grunge is supposed to sound like, while the whole point of grunge was that it didn't really sound like anything, including itself. Just consider how many different bands and styles of music have been shoved under the "grunge" header in this discography alone, and you realize that grunge is probably the most ill-defined genre of music in history."

Certain artists prior to bands like the Melvins and Green River heavily influenced that Seattle sound including Here Are The Sonics, released in 1965 by The Sonics.[153] Neil Young's albums Rust Never Sleeps (1979) and Ragged Glory (1990). Neil Young symbolized everything that grunge and Seattle seemed to represent including plaid flannels and distorted guitar. He would even have Pearl Jam act as his backing band for the 1995 album Mirror Ball. These groups were soon labeled proto-grunge. Other artists included Elvis Costello, the Stooges, Led Zeppelin, and Creedence Clearwater Revival for their respective 1970’s and 1980’s albums. Another effect on the development of the sound came in the city of Seattle itself as it flew below the radar when compared with other cities. Sub Pop’s Jonathan Poneman would say in an interview. “Seattle was a perfect example of a secondary city with an active music scene that was completely ignored by an American media fixated on Los Angeles and New York [City]." Everything about the style that would become associated with Seattle came out of necessity, not really any choice. Trucker hats, pawnshop clothes, cheap guitar all sprung from the fact that Seattle in fact was a very poor town. For his part, Kurt Cobain when Nevermind went number one was actually living in his car. Local post-punk bands also had an effect on what eventually became the grunge bands of the late eighties such as The Fartz, The U-Men, 10 Minute Warning, The Accüsed, and the Fastbacks. Yet, one must note there existed a differential between these groups and those that came to define early grunge.

The very first grunge record has been regularly referred to as Come on Down from Green River. The band would later split up with half the group later forming Pearl Jam and the other half creating Mudhoney. Another release that hugely helped along the development of the Seattle sound was in the Deep Six compilation featuring tracks from six bands: Green River, Soundgarden, Melvins, Malfunkshun, Skin Yard, and The U-Men. Jack Endino would make this observation about the release at the time. “People just said, 'Well, what kind of music is this? This isn't metal, it's not punk, What is it?' ... People went 'Eureka! These bands all have something in common.'" Later around the same time, Sub Pop released a similar compilation, along with a new EP from Green River, Dry As a Bone. The effect of the Sub Pop label had everything to do with the Seattle sound too because of their heavy commitment to cleverly selling the brand to the rest of the world as one of the greatest regional music scenes in the history of the world. The early concerts sponsored by the label were not attended by very many people, but Sub Pop’s photographer made it look like the concert of the year. Their marketing was top notch when it came to letting the rest of the world know there was something incredible happening in Seattle. Sub Pop was not alone in spearheading the indie movement in the Pacific Northwest, but other labels released new music including C/Z Records, Estrus Records, EMpTy Records and PopLlama Records. In the late 1980’s, Jonathan Poneman of Sub Pop asked Everett True to write about the local Seattle music scene for Melody Maker. This article gave Seattle some of the first mainstream national exposure besides word of mouth. According to Charles R. Cross, the bands that embodied the grunge sound more than anyone else were not just Nirvana or Pearl Jam, but groups like Tad, Mudhoney, Blood Circus. Sub Pop actually looked to Mudhoney to be the breakout band from their label allowing Nirvana to leave without much protest.

The negative issue with such exposure became that new groups began to move to Seattle hoping to be discovered while claiming to be an authentic local group, when in reality they were not. Steve Turner would say, “It was really bad. Pretend bands were popping up here, things weren't coming from where we were coming from." The first group to sign to a major label was Soundgarden, followed by Alice In Chains and Screaming Trees soon after. Unfortunately, this really signaled the end of a truly independent local music scene, but the major labels coming to Washington state was probably inevitable.

The major label signings were expected but when Nirvana released Nevermind, the repercussions were in no way contemplated in any way whatsoever. The success of the record changed everything because it made what would become alternative music able to be sold as merchandise and in a cultural sense. Michael Azerrad said it represented "a sea-change in rock music" in which the entire country said we are done with hair metal. We want something a bit more realistic when it comes to our music. The newfound popularity of grunge made it possible for other niche audiences to consider the potential financially and culturally for their music to be successful. A more current example may be seen in dubstep and EDM. Pearl Jam would be the first beneficiaries of Nirvana’s lightning bolt, no pun intended. Jeff Ament and Stone Goddard, formerly of Green River and Mother Lovebone, had joined forces with a California surfer by the name of Eddie Vedder. People tend to forget that Pearl Jam’s seminal album Ten was actually released a month before Nevermind. By 1992, the entire country had embraced everything Seattle including Pearl Jam, Temple of the Dog, Soundgarden, and Alice In Chains. Journalists were starting to call the city the “New Liverpool.” Cameron Crowe even made a film centered around Seattle entitled Singles, which featured a fictitious band with Eddie Vedder as their drummer. The fashion fads of grunge did not go unnoticed to corporate America as knit caps and flannels would increase in price very quickly. Entertainment Weekly made this observation in 1993. “There hasn't been this kind of exploitation of a subculture since the media discovered hippies in the '60s". One could now see grunge being sold in the form of all kinds of products including an official grunge air freshener.

There do exist some characteristics of the grunge sound itself that people did agree upon, but much like the term itself there are open debates as well. As noted previously, the electric guitar had represented a dirty sound, hence the name grunge. There existed a heavy emphasis on distortion through the use of stompbox pedals with very large amplifiers connected to them. The other major characteristic that defined grunge besides distortion was loudness. Some critics have dismissed the artistry within grudge as merely noise, not anything else. Another effect utilized by grunge was the guitarists use of the Wah Wah pedal as evidenced by Pearl Jam, the Screaming Trees, Soundgarden, and Alice in Chains. The controversial and debatable aspect of the guitar is the question of whether the popularity of the music helped to kill the guitar solo. Most of grunge’s guitarists despised the shredding solos made famous in the 1980’s by such musicians as Eddie Van Halen. Jerry Cantrell of Alice In Chains would say that guitar solos should serve as a complement to the song, not its own entity. Will Byers of the Guardian wrote an article that argued grunge’s guitarists like Kurt Cobain helped to effectively kill the guitar solo in popular music. Unlike classic artists such as Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain and others from Seattle had very little interest in mastering the instrument. The Soundgarden guitarist would even say that he got bored doing solos, so he just filled it with fuzz and distortion anyway. The argument does fall apart a little bit when you look at the entire breadth of grunge at the time because Pearl Jam’s Mike McCready and the Smashing Pumpkins’ Billy Corgan have been consistently referred to as some of the most influential guitarists in the entire decade. The production was also similar in approach as it heavily emphasized low cost, which always meant a low fi sound. For the band Mudhoney, they had to tell the record label to decrease the budget for one of their albums because they did not need to spend that much. The two important producers were Jack Endino and Steve Albini. They both took a very hands off approach to producing with very little to do with remastered effects and mixing. They both believed that the job of the producer was to simply record the music, but not impede in any way creatively for the artist. For example, In Utero was recorded in the same room with the entire band, while most mainstream producers would have recorded it separately then combined them on a multi track recorder. That approach would often give off a very live feel to a grunge release from the recording studio. Many bands simply wanted to replicate the sound energy from their live shows. A grunge concert was defined by bands who jumped, thrashed, and screamed on stage, while most of the audience would mosh or slam dance. The artists would never use any visual aids, props, or special effects to enhance the experience, but instead you were simply seeing essentially a local band. Dave Rimmer would write about the philosophy behind any true grunge show. It seemed “for Cobain, and lots of kids like him, rock & roll ... threw down a dare: Can you be pure enough, day after day, year after year, to prove your authenticity, to live up to the music ... And if you can't, can you live with being a poseur, a phony, a sellout?"

One of the negative aspects associated with grunge came in the question of how prevalent overall did heroin play in the lives of the artists. Not only did Kurt Cobain suffer from heroin addiction, but other artists did as well from that era including Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots, Evan Dando of the Lemonheads, Jimmy Chamberlain of Smashing Pumpkins, Courtney Love of Hole, and Mark Lanegan of Screaming Trees. The comparison was made to the hippies of the 1960’s, who had embraced marijuana. The grunge musicians of the 1990’s seemed to look to heroin while in the city of Seattle. The downer effects of the drug represented what the lyrics told you about how these artists were feeling, self-hatred, nihilism. By taking heroin, someone could hide themselves from the world avoiding any sense of reality. The drug would take many casualties along the way including Andrew Wood of Mother Lovebone, Cobain, the keyboardist for the Smashing Pumpkins, Layne Staley of Alice in Chains, and later the bassist for the band Hole. One group that almost beat Nirvana to the punch of making it on a national basis was Mother Lovebone. Their lead singer Andrew Wood tragically died of a heroin overdose right before their debut album Green Apple was set to be released. They represented the number one band throughout the local Seattle music scene at the time. After his death, the remaining members of Mother Love Bone, Chris Cornell of Soundgarden, and Eddie Vedder joined up to create the tribute band for the late singer, Temple of the Dog. One of the first times fans heard Eddie Vedder on record was not Pearl Jam’s Ten, but actually Temple of the Dog. Jeff Ament and Stone Gossard did eventually join up with Vedder to form Pearl Jam. Courtney Love would a later comment that she thought heroin was easier to get in Seattle, than it was in Los Angeles or San Francisco. Yet, Daniel House of C/Z Records would argue that the idea of Seattle being a mecca for heroin was simply not true. He said the prevalence of the drug was no worse than any other American city in the country, while magazines like Rolling Stone contended that marijuana and MDMA seemed to be more likely the drug of choice for these artists.

Another important characteristic of grunge was is the active role that women played as musicians, as well as promoters of the movement. These groups included acts such as L7, Lunachicks, Dickless, 7 Year Bitch, The Gits, Courtney Love's band Hole (and Love's other 1990s groups), and Babes in Toyland. VH1 writer Dan Baker would comment that L7 were an “all-female grunge band [that] emanated from the fertile L.A. underground scene and [which] had strong ties with ... Black Flag and could match any male band in attitude and volume." The lead singer of the all girl band Bikini Kill Katherine Hanna would help to start the feminist punk underground movement called Riotgrrrl in the Pacific Northwest out of Olympia, Washington. This social and political movement began to embrace some of the same qualities found within grunge music. Singer Hanna was also the person that coined the phrase Smells Like Teen Spirit as Cobain had dated her drummer Toby Vail for a time. Coincidentally, she would later go onto marry Adam Horowitz of the Beastie Boys.

By late 1992, there began a strong backlash against anything referred to as grunge. Both Damon Albarn and Billy Corgan of Blur and Smashing Pumpkins respectively would say at their live shows, “Fuck grunge.” Kurt Cobain would say in an interview that being famous was the last thing he ever wanted to be. Along with a return to their punk roots, Nirvana’s album In Utero subtly was intentionally “abrasive” as a form of protest against the entire grunge trend. Despite their efforts, the album still went number one in its first week of release. Everything grunge related saw incredible success including groups like Candlebox, Soundgarden, and Alice In Chains, as they all released records that saw platinum achievement very quickly. As LA looked for the next Motley Crue in the 1980’s, record labels now began to look for the next Nirvana. Some of these second wave groups included Stone Temple Pilots, Veruca Salt, and Toadies. Unfortunately, Stone Temple Pilots were called out in the press for jumping on the bandwagon that was the Seattle sound. Their biggest flaw came in being from Los Angeles, not Seattle. Another group that suffered from this backlash was represented with Bush, who released their second album in 1994, Razorblade Suitcase. Chuck Klosterman would write, “Bush was a good band who just happened to signal the beginning of the end; ultimately, they would become the grunge Warrant.” The exact death of grunge has been debated as to a precise date, but one of the biggest factors came when Pearl Jam and Soundgarden began to fade from view for a time. Another huge issue came with the death of Hole’s bassist from a heroin overdose. This just brought up memories from Kurt Cobain’s tragic death as his widow was lead singer of the group. Jason Heller of the av club would write the the final nail in grunge’s coffin actually came in the release of In Utero in 1993. He argued that once his angst became commercial, then it was time to leave the scene. Nirvana had made the scene, and they obviously ended it. Billy Corgan would say after the death of Cobain in an interview, “The party’s over.”

[path-of-my-childhood]

"Miss Americana" Director Lana Wilson on Capturing Taylor Swift, Mid-Transformation

By: Chris Willman for Variety Date: January 31st 2020

Lana Wilson was taking a risk - albeit a pretty good bet - when she set out to make what turned out to be “Miss Americana,” her new Netflix documentary. As Taylor Swift told Variety: 

“When I began thinking about maybe possibly having a documentary-type thing happen, it was really just because I felt like I would want to have footage of what was happening in my life, just to have later on in my life, even if we never put it out, or even if we put it out decades down the line. When we brought Lana on board, I was pretty open with her about the fact that this may be something that I wasn’t actually ready to put out. So I think we began the process without a lot of pressure, because I didn’t necessarily think that it was an actual eventuality to put out the documentary.”

Wilson was too fascinated by what she was getting early on to worry much about whether her subject would sign off on releasing it. At the outset, she was catching Swift at the end of the “Reputation” album/tour cycle, when Swift was finding a more contented place in her personal life and finally exorcising Kanye-gate from her system. The star quickly moved on to the making of “Lover,” her most upbeat album, with Wilson getting fly-on-wall footage that captures the joy of creation and eureka moments in the writing process in a way few films ever have. And then things got more interesting altogether when Swift decided that the days she could afford to be standoffish about what was happening in the country had come to an end. The movie - and by now, it was a movie - had its third act.

Variety spoke with Wilson for the magazine’s cover story last week on Swift, prior to “Miss Americana’s” Sundance premiere. Here’s a breakout of more of that conversation.

There is some footage in the movie that goes back a few years that clearly predates your involvement. When did you start filming - was it during the “Lover” writing and recording sessions or the “Reputation” tour before that? I came on during the tour. She had been collecting bits and pieces of footage; she often filmed stuff with her own cell phone - songwriting stuff. Netflix introduced us, and we really hit it off the first time we met. She had watched my previous work, and I had admired her for years, not just for her music, but also the fact that she had written all of her own songs since she was 15, and that she’s the sole creative force behind the whole shape of her career. When we met, I remember being excited that she didn’t want to make a traditional pop star documentary. She knew that she was in the middle of a really important time in her life, coming out of a very dark period, and wanted me to collaborate on something that captured what she was going through that was raw and honest and emotionally intimate.

When we first talked about it, she immediately wanted me to bring my perspective as a director to what was going on with her now and to make a film that really had something to say. I think the first time we met, we talked for 20 minutes about narrative structure in documentaries, and we even talked about film score in documentaries. At one point she said that she didn’t like documentaries that are like propaganda, and I was thrilled to hear that. In my work, I take stories that are often told through sound bites and headlines and bring depth and complexity to them. My goal is always to reveal the humanity that’s beneath the oversimplification. And to me, there are few things more frequently diminished and reduced by others than female creative forces.

It could be seen as a feminist statement, or at least some kind of intention on her part, that she picked someone who’d made an abortion documentary (“After Tiller”). It could also mean that she was just more comfortable with a woman. I think that’s totally true. When I started filming, it was before she’d come out politically. But that said, even before meeting her, I could only imagine how much pressure and scrutiny she’d faced as a powerful and successful female artist. And I definitely sensed that those pressures would be ones that other people and especially other women and girls could relate to. Obviously, yeah, I’m a female artist working in a male-dominated industry. So although Taylor and I inhabit very different worlds, I figured that we’d have some shared experiences. And I also worked with an all-female crew, which I do think helped her feel comfortable right off the bat, and a small crew. When I met her, she hadn’t done an interview in almost three years. The first one she did was an audio (-only) interview with me for this film. So it was a big deal, and trust was a big part of that.

You had an all-female crew, but Morgan Neville’s name is on there as a producer, and he’s not a gal. [Laughter.] What’s his role in it? He was a part of the creative process, and it was wonderful to get to work with him, as a creative sounding board, from start to finish. On the crew, I will say that we did always have male production assistants, because I like trying to show people that men can fetch coffee for women, and not just the other way around! So that was the only exception to the all-female rule.

It had to have been a small crew, when you were filming the fly-on-the-wall creative stuff in the recording studios, sometimes in very small control rooms. It was often just me and one or two other people in the room with her, trying to keep the footprint as small as possible. You know, no one had filmed her writing songs before. That was some of my favorite stuff to film, but it was also the stuff where we tried to really be the most low-key presence possible. You’re just in a tiny room, and it feels so amazing to watch her get in the zone creatively. One of the most fun parts for me as a director is when it feels like you’ve been in the studio for enough hours that everyone is so relaxed that you really feel invisible in a wonderful, exciting way.

When she’s having the talk with her team about wanting to make endorsements for the midterm elections, which is maybe the most important scene in the film, it’s not clear if that is something you shot or if that was something that was on the spur of the moment, where she had someone get a camera in your absence. That was spur of the moment. So that was something someone on her team shot who was pretty good with the camera. That was very last minute. I’d been starting to work with her and talk with her before that, and I’d say, “If something’s happening last-minute that could be at all important or meaningful, film it with your cell phone, of if there’s someone around you that has a little DSLR camera or something, they could film it.” It allowed us to get really powerful, crucial scenes like that one that might’ve been hard logistically to get otherwise. And I love the personal quality of that material from especially the few little bits of stuff from her cell phone.

She told us she wasn’t sure she wanted to actually make or release a movie when filming started. Did she make that clear to you when it started? Like, this might be on spec, and might not come out? Well, it was less talking about the end result and more, honestly, just talking about what she was going through emotionally at that time and the kind of things that were on her mind. Then we’d brainstorm stuff that could be cool to film. I love the idea of filming really quiet, almost more mundane moments, because I think that ordinary/extraordinary contradiction that’s so central to the life of someone in the public eye is really interesting. I loved that moment early in the film where she’s alone in the car in the dark after the show riding to her hotel room - the idea of going from being on a massive stage in front of tens of thousands of people to being an ordinary person alone just going to bed at the end of the night.

She’s already been pretty candid with her fans. There are moments in the film where she’s shown as being annoyed with the fans and photographers gathered outside her door and that sort of thing. Do you think she felt okay with being portrayed as not being happy at all times? Oh yeah, totally. She’s a complex human being, and I think whether you like her music or not, if you watch this movie, you really get to know her as a human. And as you say, she writes so candidly in her lyrics about the hardest times, the times when she made mistakes. And that is what her fans love her for. But a lot of people don’t share their hard times. The most popular photos on Instagram are of weddings and babies, when what’s really relatable and what’s meaningful is connecting with someone over that time things weren’t perfect, or the friendship or relationship that didn’t work out, or the argument you had with your mom or something. You know, everyone wants to feel less alone in the more difficult experiences in life. And that’s one reason why they turn to art. And I think it’s why people watch movies. And the happy moments are meaningful when you’ve also been through the sad ones. Young girls need to see that their heroes are just as human as they are. And I think girls and boys of all ages could benefit from that reminder.

I want people to be surprised by it because I think that Taylor Swift is someone who everyone thinks they know. But I think if people start watching this film, they’ll realize they’re watching a film about this iconic artist deciding to live life on her own terms, and it’s a feminist coming of age story. I think they’ll be surprised by her sense of humor and her self-awareness, and they can appreciate the craft of songwriting, for instance. So I hope that even if people are not fans, that they’ll watch the movie and be really surprised and also feel like they’ve just met a complicated, layered human being.

Very few people at the superstar level have the gift of healthy self-awareness that she seems to have. Self-consciousness, yes, but self-awareness, that’s more rare. Yeah, it’s so true. I’m sure you’ve seen bits of the home movies in some of her videos in the past. When I looked at the home movies, what struck me the most about them is that she really always has been the same person. She’s been kind and generous and smart and imaginative and very hardworking since she was a girl. At age 11 she knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life. One of my favorite moments in the archives in the film is this clip of her, where she’s like in a diner and it’s just after the release of her first album, and she’s 16. Her childhood dream has just come true. And she tells the interviewer that she wakes up everyday being like, “Yes, this is happening.” But then she tells herself, “Now you have to figure out how to make it last.” That is so her. She had so much maturity and pretentiousness then, and she knew she wanted this to be her career and her life, and she wanted to write songs forever. It’s incredible to see a person at that age that self-possessed and cognizant.

At one point she says she wants to use her platform to speak out because she’s aware she won’t be in this position forever, where her opinions have some kind of import. Not that she’s predicting a major downfall, but she knows she won’t always have this attention. That’s undoubtedly true, but at the same time, she’s one of the only ones besides Beyonce that we would imagine being almost as big a star in 20 years, and not necessarily subject to the normal standards of diminishment of interest. She’s conscious of the historically short lifespan of female pop stars, and it’s so poignant when she says that. But it’s hard to know what will happen, though, because she issuch a trailblazer. I mean, there’s just been no one like her, and her fan base and the relationship she has with her fans is so unique, and, I mean, she’s already done so many things that no one else has done before — who knows what will happen in the future? She is cognizant of what’s happened in the past and what’s going to happen in the future … but it could be anything, because she’s different than anyone that’s come before.

We can hope we all live long enough to find out what a 50- or 60-year-old Taylor Swift is like. I love that idea too. I want to go to the arena tour of a 60-year-old Taylor Swift. I want to know what the songs she’s writing then are.

The last third of the film focuses on her decision to make a political statement and what comes after. It was a profound decision for her to make, and a multilayered one. In that, I saw this feminist coming-of-age story that I personally connected with, and that I really think women and girls around the world will see themselves in.

You didn’t actually have the “Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince” song in the movie, but that’s the song on the album that most speaks to her political turn. So it seemed like a good thing to title the movie after? It was cool because it’s obviously, yeah, a reference to this song she wrote that has political themes. It was interesting that when the documentary was announced, her fans instantly understood some of the themes the film would have, because of the song title. And then for me, even if you don’t know the song, I see the movie as in some ways looking at the flip side of being America’s sweetheart. So I like how the title evokes that, too.

You have the twin moments of disappointment in the movie. Early on, you have the Grammy disappointment, and then later there’s the midterm result disappointment. Those are the parallel scenes, almost, where she’s having to deal with the results not turning out as she planned and one of these ultimately being more important than the other. I’m glad you noticed that. That means a lot. One thing that I think is amazing about her is that she goes to the studio and to songwriting as a place to process what she’s going through. I loved how, when she got the Grammys news, this isn’t someone who’s going to feel sorry for herself or say “That wasn’t right.” She’s like, “Okay, I’m going to work even harder.” And I think it’s amazing how you see her strength of character in that moment when she gets that news. Then with the election results, I loved how she channeled so many of her thoughts and feelings into this song (“Only the Young”). It was a great way to kind of show how stuff that happens in her life goes directly into the songs. You get to actually witness that in both cases.

Were you surprised that she addressed having had what could be described as an eating disorder? She seems hesitant to use that term but finally does. She’s been open about so many things, but that’s not something that she’s revealed. No, that’s one of my favorite sequences of the film. I was surprised, of course. But when you hear her talk about it, I love how she’s kind of thinking out loud. And yeah, she’s an icon of beauty, but even for an icon of beauty, as she articulates so beautifully, women are in this double bind situation. It’s impossible for anyone to meet every standard of beauty. It’s an impossible situation. And every woman will see herself in that sequence. I just have no doubt. And I do think people will be really surprised by it.

I tend to be clueless about these minor shifts in weight or body size, until people point them out en masse. It never would have occurred to me that she was any less thin on the “Reputation” tour until I started seeing comments about weight gain. But there are those who have their antennae out for the slightest change, and often it’s women, maybe it’s because you’re under that scrutiny yourselves. But you can also just not notice people being really skinny, because we’re all so accustomed to seeing women on magazine covers who are unhealthy skinny, and that’s become normalized. I think it’s interesting what you say about what you read during “Reputation” about her weight, because you really can’t win. There is a moment in the film where you see that part of the media backlash she experienced during 2016 was people saying, “Oh, she’s too skinny.” People complain if you’re too skinny, and if you’re not too skinny, you’re too fat. It’s incessant, and I can say this as a woman: It’s amazing to me how people are constantly like “You look skinny” or “You’ve gained weight.” People you barely know say this to you. And it feels awful, and you can’t win. So I think it’s really powerful to see someone who is a role model for so many girls and women be really honest about that. It’s a brave thing of her to do, and I think it will have a huge impact.

Her interactions with Kanye West are such an essential part of the story, but that’s not a name that has really ever escaped her lips publicly since 2010; she’ll say “a person” or something euphemistic if she has to address it. So I was in suspense to see whether or how much it would come up in your film,  given how little capital she wants to give this guy in her life. It’s a crux, twice, of her journey of self-acceptance, but it’s easy to imagine her not wanting it in the film. I think it’s an important part of the story, but I wanted to position… Like, with the 2009 VMAs, what was surprising to me when I asked her about it was that she talked about how the whole crowd was booing, and she thought that they were booing her, and how devastating that was. That was something I hadn’t thought about or heard before. And it meant a lot more to me because it made more sense in the context of her being this extraordinary young artist who is doing so well, and who, like so many performing artists, loves applause. And then she is on stage [still as a teenager] and it felt like all these people were booing her. When you put it that way, it’s so much more relatable to me, and it’s understandable to anyone, because we all want people to like us. And being on stage with a giant crowd booing would be horrible for anyone. So we tried to use it in a way that showed it in a slightly different light than people have seen before... We all care about what people think about us. It’s not a celebrity problem. It’s a universal one. It’s something everyone goes through, and I think the difference is that with Taylor, it plays out on a massive international stage.

At the outset, you’ve got her in voiceover talking about how she wanted to be the good girl and be accepted. And in the end, she is a good girl, so maybe that’s not a bad thing to want to be, but there are gradations of that. She’s played around with bad girl archetypes in the “Reputation” imagery and songs, but it was role-playing to a degree. Where do you think she ended up on the scale of all that? She starts out as a good girl and she ends up as a good girl who’s decided to speak out. You know, we live in a society in which girls are taught that other people’s approval is of paramount importance to our self-worth. “Do they like me? Was I nice enough? Are they mad at me?” Every woman I know is constantly asking herself these questions. So it’s so relatable in that way. But it’s not about not being a good person. I think that the arc in the film and what Taylor went through was letting go a little bit of what other people think of her, deciding to live on her own terms, and to put her own values first. The transformation that you see is going through this period where she lets go a little bit of that. She’s a good girl speaking out now, in a way. You can’t win everyone over. No one can. I think she’s really accepted that in a deep way.