#also i have more pics but i can’t add them so these are just my top 30 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

xzaddyzanakinx · 8 months ago

Text

Not That Kind of Guy

Part Nine: Stalker!Anakin Skywalker × femme reader series

Warnings: stalking, weirdo behavior, psychotic/delusional behavior, possessive/protective, sexism/misogyny, sexual content/fantasizing, pervy behavior, panty/scent kink, mask kink (Ghostface), gaslighting/manipulation, nude vids/pics, rape mentioned (somnophilia), gen. sexual content, Panic/Anxiety Attack, forced nudity [Be sure to pay attention to future warnings in the series]

Info: Anakin/Ghost having thoughts?? Unselfish ones?? Luke can’t stop roasting/sassing you [diary entries from Ani] [texting/letters/notes]extremely not proofread. MDNI 18+

Diary Entry: August 10th

I think enough time has passed. I think you’re ready to see Ghost again.

I thought it would take longer for you to recover, but as always, the little fawn in you is curious as ever. Quick to forget fear and ready for the newest challenge.

You’ve responded so well to everything. I’m very proud of you.

I’ve been keeping up with my visits, still cleaning, still watching, still following and protecting.

Now that you know of Ghost, I’ve started completing my tasks. I don’t have to leave anything halfway finished, the dishes are done everyday along with the vacuuming and dusting. I even mop twice a week.

And change the cat litter, which might I add, is disgusting. (Worth it though because I love that little menace.)

I thought for sure you’d run and tell me that you didn’t think the alarms I installed weren’t working, but you didn’t, you just repeatedly tested them yourself. It was very loud, very annoying and I know you could hear the woman down the hall banging her pots and pans together to fight back with her own noise. You didn’t care though, you just wanted to make sure the alarms worked.

They do work, I wouldn’t have installed fake ones, that would be stupid. I’m all for keeping you safe so… what’s one more safety measure?

I just know that they can also be very easily disarmed. Even through the inch and a half thick wooden door to your apartment. A piece of sheet metal (credit card sized) and my handy dandy super strength magnet works like a charm.

You’re such an odd bird. You haven’t told anyone, I don’t think it’s really even crossed your mind too much either. You’ve begun to pretend the cameras aren’t even there. You just go about your normal day to day life and occasionally squint and stare at random objects.

You never actually go check them out though. Is it all for show? I think it might be.

I think you like being watched. I bet it makes you feel safe doesn’t it? Knowing I’m always there for you?

——————————————————————————

You know what the best part of all this is?

Ghost will let me love you in the way that is natural and normal to me. I just hope that you’ll be willing to accept that we are one in the same.

Ghost can comfortably do all the things that I’ve been afraid to. I didn’t want to scare you, but it really was difficult not to leave you things. I’m so glad that you brought that up in your list of questions because it gave me the opportunity to act on it without you flipping out.

Do you like them? I love leaving things for you. Especially little notes.

Ghost has been kind enough to stay out of your way when I’m around, but I can resist making you squirm occasionally. Remember when I left you a note, KNOWING I’d be coming home with you later that day?

Oh babe. It was so oddly intoxicating to see the way you reacted when I got back home and pulled up the footage. You snatched up that slip of paper didn’t read it and didn’t toss it in the trash, didn’t put it in your pocket.

You shoved it in your mouth so I wouldn’t see it. Freak.

I saw it all chewed up and gross in the bathroom trash. You didn’t read it. I know you didn’t. So I’ll have to get alittle more creative.

Don’t ignore me.

DATE

August 13th

For the third morning in a row you woke up to a text from your own cellphone number.

‘Sleep well deer?’

Idiot. Can’t even spell. So finally on this third day, you sent a text back and corrected him.

‘Dear*’

Immediately a response buzzed through.

‘No.’

No? What does he mean no?

‘Little doe. My deer. 🦌’

Oh great, so stalkers use emojis and he’s given you a nickname. How cute.

You laid back in your bed and tossed your phone aside, hands covering your face as you rubbed the sleep away.

The longer this went on, the more insane you felt. This wasn’t normal, of course it’s not normal. So why are you allowing it?

You could ask yourself that a million times and you’d never find an answer.

You could throw away every flower he brought you and they’d still keep coming. You could burn every piece of paper in the city and chew every pen until it’s broken beyond repair and he would still find a way to write you a note.

You could swallow every word he writes, throw it up, flush it, whatever. It’s just going to pop back up. Gross and soggy with an amendment attached and in your panty drawer.

You thought maybe it was an important one. So you read it. Quickly discovered it was semi-important, Ghost just wanted to remind you that he loved you and he was proud of you for continuing to drink your tea even though you knew it was drugged. Once you’re out of it, he’s going to set the pills out next to your birth control. So he ‘doesn’t have to fool with measurements anymore’.

The addendum to the note was tucked inside the original:

‘Good girls swallow.’

You could ignore the trinkets, the jewelry or the pretty stones and shells. But he would just move them to a different spot and force you to eventually set it in your jewelry box along with all the others.

He’s not been bold enough to come around with Anakin in your home. The nights that Anakin sleeps over, there are no gifts, no cleaning done. No disturbances.

But Anakin doesn’t deter him completely.

He’s left you one note at Anakin’s apartment, the first time you’d slept away from your own home in ages. Ghost had the audacity to slip a note into the pocket of your shorts while you slept in the same bed as Anakin in his apartment.

It didn’t say anything, no words, just a heart in red ink. Like he just wanted to remind you that he was there and you were his whether you wanted to be or not. Anakin or no Anakin, Ghost didn’t care.

It’s been horrible lying… omitting the truth to Anakin. Sometimes you feel like blurting it out, but something always stops you. Morbid curiosity maybe. Or maybe you just like the thrill of it, that little shiver of adrenaline you get every time he makes himself known.

It would all stop if you told Anakin. Neither would quit until he’d hunted the other man down and gotten rid of him.

They’d kill each other.

——————————————————————————

Anakin worked tonight, so you had plans to meet up with Luke (sans his pet leech) for a late evening dinner. As much as you loved Han and appreciated everything he did for Luke, how happy he made him, you really just wanted some time alone with your best friend.

So you were thrilled to receive a text around 1:00pm from Luke:

‘Don’t be late. I’m dying to catch up babe.’

You quickly opened the message but before you finished typing, a voice message popped up in your notifications, sent from your number.

You abandoned the chat with Luke and opted to open the voice message instead.

‘I’m coming home.’ then a long pause, ‘have fun with Lukey.’

That scratchy filtered voice; you’d yet to hear it over the phone and this being the first time… it sent you right back to the very first time you watched Scream. That icy chill that snuck up the back of your neck, the tightening of your chest… you felt it now, just not because of fear.

You felt it because you were excited.

——————————————————————————

“Okay, seriously what do you keep looking at?” Luke prodded, snatching your phone and sliding it into his jacket pocket.

“Nothing it’s just-“

“My phone is on ‘do no disturb’, because I have missed my buddy, my pal, my best friend.” He paused, his pointer finger jabbing the table between your plate and his.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed. “I haven’t even unlocked it! It’s just sitting there.”

“True, but the obnoxious tapping to check whatever it is you’re hoping for is getting annoying.” Honesty, brutal or not, was Luke’s love language.

��Fine. I’m sorry, I’ll put it in my pocket.” You agreed, holding your hand out palm up.

“No ma’am. This is mine until the check comes.” His answer was definitive, no room for argument there. “What’s so important anyway? I know Anakin is at work.”

“It’s just work stuff.” You huffed.

“Oh? What’s so pressing at the diner?” He scoffed, “got a big shipment of ketchup coming in? Are you ‘on call’?”

“Luke.” You rolled your eyes at his jab. “No and yes. I am ‘on call’ actually. Sara’s son has been sick.’

Not a total lie, he has been sick. Poor guy. But her husband was home with him and he was being well looked after.

“Okay? That’s your problem how?”

“God you’re so negative sometimes.” You sighed. “Her babysitter hates vomit. If he throws up Sara will have to go home.”

“Ew.” He scrunched up his nose. “I’m eating.”

“Okay? That’s my problem how?” You said mockingly.

“Really? Like for real that’s why you keep checking your phone?”

“Yes really.” Giving him a look that screamed duh’. “Her baby sitter is the 14 year old girl that lives next door to her. Do you really suggest leaving a 14 year old in charge of a vomiting 2 year old? When that 14 year old is disgusted by puke? That’s a recipe for disaster.”

It would be a disaster, her sitter is 14. She just happens to be on vacation with her mother right now. Hence the temporary stay at home husband.

“Okay, first of all, 14? Isn’t that alittle young?”

“No? I started babysitting when I was 12.” You shrugged.

“Fine.” Luke sighed. “Here.”

He slid your phone back to you and propped his chin up on his fist. Watching you check it one last time before turning on the sound and putting it in your back pocket.

——————————————————————————

‘I’m walking home now!’

You shot off the text to Anakin after saying your goodbye to Luke at the restaurant. You’d refused his offer to walk you home, you didn’t want him anywhere near your apartment building knowing that Ghost would be there.

Six minutes later he replied:

‘Good girl.🥰 let me know when you get there safe.’

‘Will do💕’

And you did, the moment you stood outside your apartment door.

‘Made it! See you tomorrow💕’

You waited in the hall to receive his response. You didn’t know what would be waiting for you on the other side of this door, and you didn’t want to chance it.

‘Perfect. Sweet dreams doll!’

Your hand poised at the door knob, you inserted your key to discover your door was already unlocked. You very slowly opened the door, but saw no one in your kitchen or living room.

But your bedroom door was closed, boogie hadn’t meowed as loudly as possible and sprinted to you, demanding to be fed. He did say that they were good friends. So they both must be in your room.

Would it be wise to lock your door? The few precious seconds leaving it unlocked would save if you needed to run… no, no. Just lock it. Doorknob. Deadbolt. Chain.

‘Just stay calm’

You kicked off your shoes and tossed your bag to the floor, walking quietly across the carpeted living room to pause in front of your bedroom. A soft yellow glow shone beneath the door, your lamp must be on. You could hear your tv playing something, not quite sure what it was, but it had the all too familiar cadence of a horror flick.

The audacity of this man astounded you.

When you pushed open the door, he was laying in your bed, shoes off, legs crossed at the ankles, propped against the headboard, arms behind his head. He looked like he belonged there. As big a contrast as it was… your soft, pink, feminine room and him. All black, the mask. He just looked so comfortable.

Your cat, the little traitor, was curled up on his chest. It was kind of sweet. How could such an inherently terrifying scenario seem so normal?

Ever so casually he tilted his head toward you, his right hand raising from its relaxed position to lazily give you gloved finger waggle for a wave.

“Have fun?” The filtered voice drifted over to you.

“Yes.” You answered quietly, glued to the spot.

“Are you just going to stand there?” He laughed. “I would come pick you up, but it’s illegal to move a sleeping cat.” He gestured to boogie who had still not moved from her human pillow.

You couldn’t help but laugh, eyebrows raised in an expression of awe filled shock. This was too weird. Too normal. Too scarily alluring.

Yet you found yourself at the edge of the bed, not really knowing how you got there to begin with.

“Sat you some pajamas out.” He said dismissively, the mask fixed onto the tv screen. “Figured you’d wanna change.”

“Huh.” You snorted, seeing that he had.

You expected to see one of your lacy lingerie sets. But he’d chosen something much more modest that you would’ve ever imagined. Loose, thin, stretchy fabric pajama pants, the matching cropped tank top, and fuzzy socks.

“Um. Thanks?” You said awkwardly, picking them up and turning on your heels to change in the bathroom.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He chuckled.

“To the bathroom?” You scoffed, looking over your shoulder at him.

“You can change in here.” He wasn’t offering. He was telling you.

“No way.” You shook your head. “No I’m not-“

“C’mon little doe.” The filtered voice left little room for change in tone, but you could tell from his body language that it was a challenge.

“Ghost. No! I have Anakin I don’t-.”

He laughed. “I don’t care.”

“Well I do.”

“Mmm… not enough. You’re letting me be here. You didn’t tell him. You didn’t mention me to anyone at all actually.” He pointed out.

“Well that’s not-“

“Hush.” He snapped, making you stall. “I’ve seen that pretty little body of yours plenty of times. What’s one more?”

“But-“ your face was so red hot that you could feel the heat spreading down your neck.

“What? I’m not gonna get up.” He said plainly. “I’m comfy right here where I can watch you.”

“I don’t… this isn’t right.”

“Don’t pull that bullshit with me.” He scoffed. “Nothing about this is ‘right’. But you’re letting it happen, yeah?” He said and got just a nod from you in response.

“That’s it.” He moved his arm to point two fingers at you, “get on with it sweetheart. I wanna see my girl.”

“I’m not your-“

“You were mine first.” He snapped.

“Well, that’s not very fair.” Your voice shaking. “I didn’t even know you were…. I didn’t know about you!”

“That might be true.” He growled, “but it’s your fault for being so ignorant.”

“I-I don’t…” you felt like you were on the verge of a tantrum. This man was outrageous, coming into your home uninvited, being a fucking perv, acting like he owns the place, and now he’s calling you ignorant?

“Do you realize how stupid it is for you to argue with me about the morality of all this?” He asked, going back to his former relaxed state.

“You. Are allowing me to be here. You had all day to call the cops if you wanted to. But you didn’t.” That smug little bastard laughed. “I’ve been here for over two hours. You knew I’d be here when you got back.”

“That’s not-“

“I’m not finished.” He held up a finger and silenced you. “You’re mine. You’ve been mine and you will continue to be mine.”

“I don’t care that you are pretending to be appalled by the situation you are in.” His voice was even and unyielding, he was so confident in his statements.

“You know why I don’t care?” He asked, tilting his head toward you condescension oozing from every pore.

“Why?” You squeaked.

“Because I know, without a doubt, that if I were to stick my hand down your pretty pink panties; you’d be wet right now.”

How did he know what color your underwear is? Better question: why is that the first thing you thought of when there were much more pressing matters at hand?

“That’s not true.” Your voice sounded hollow.

“It’s not?” He laughed. “Show me then.”

“What?” You whispered, eyes bugging out of your head.

“Do it. Prove to me that you’re not soaked.” He snickered.

“That’s not fair you can’t just-“

“You’re not running are you? You haven’t said no, you haven’t come over here and smacked me.” He interrupted.

You stood there with your jaw dropped, you needed a dustpan and broom to sweep up your shattered facade of denial. How could you dispute that?

“Fine!” You shouted. “Fine. I’ll just change in here.”

“Don’t raise your voice at me.” He growled. “You’re awfully bold for a spoiled brat.”

“I am not a-“

“When will you stop disagreeing with me?” He laughed. “You know it’s true. I’ve spoiled you so much that you’ve rotted to your core. You weren’t always a brat, but you are now. You like being spoiled don’t you? Being taken care of, being treated like a princess?”

“Your little boyfriend does the same thing doesn’t he?” He snickered. “Spoiled. Brat.”

“You’re just a little girl who needs a man to hold her hand.”

“You’re being mean.” You whispered, your voice breaking.

“The truth is hard to hear isn’t it little doe?” He said, his voice going back to its nonchalant, flat tone.

You couldn’t argue. He’d been right about everything and it’s difficult to argue with someone who throws fact after fact at you like he’s doing. So you took a deep breath and closed your bedroom door.

“Atta girl.” He nodded. “Show me.”

So you did, you turned around and began undressing, you could feel his eyes on you, soaking up the display you were crafting for him.

“Turn around.” His voice alittle quieter, the voice box crackling.

Slowly you complied, swallowing your fear and embarrassment. You kept your eyes closed, it made you feel the slightest bit better, I’m the way a kid would think ‘I can’t see you so you can’t see me’.

“Gorgeous.” He breathed out.

Behind your eyelids you swear you noticed a change in lighting, briefly, but enough to take note of. Your eyes snapped open and saw him holding up his phone.

He’d taken a picture of you.

“Ghost, no! Delete that right now!” You squealed, quickly getting dressed in your fresh pajamas.

“Cool it.” He waved you off. “Just gonna add it to my special folder just for you. See?” He turned his screen toward you and you inched forward.

He wasn’t lying. He scrolled through over one hundred images and videos, some of you in public, some nude, some of you sleeping. All in a folder titled ‘little doe’.

“These are for me.” He said simply. “They’re not going anywhere so don’t worry about that.”

“But these…” he turned the screen back to himself and tapped twice, scrolled and then tapped again before flipping it around.

The images in front of you made you nauseous.

You, spread legs and wet cunt, up close.

You with your hand being held up by Ghost, your fingers buried deeply between your folds.

A short video of your pussy being lovingly stroking by a leather glove. Another of one long digit pumping into you slowly.

A picture of your lips wrapped around his cock.

“S-so you did… you did touch me?” You recoiled.

“No.” He said flatly, before you could protest he laughed.

“You loved it.” He snickered. “Never let you cum. I wanted you to be needy for me.”

“Until… until I saw you.” You whispered.

“Mhm, that’s right.” He nodded. “Took care of your poor swollen pussy properly that time.” He cooed, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

“You’re sick.” You breathed out. “That’s disgusting… you-“

“Call the cops.” He said gesturing to your phone laying on the bed.

“What?”

“You heard me. Call ‘em.” He snorted. “If I’m so sick and disgusting and you’re soooo horrified by my actions; call the cops. I’ll wait right here.”

“Are you gonna send those to Anakin?” Your voice wobbled as you ignored his challenge. You both knew you wouldn’t call.

“Not if you’re good.”

“Are you gonna hurt him?” You asked quietly.

“Now why would I do a thing like that?” He scoffed. “I want you all to myself, but I want you to choose me. I’m not gonna go all Dexter on your boyfriend.”

“You promise?” You sniffled. “Swear it?”

“Pinky swear.” He said confidently, holding out his hand with his little finger raised.

For some reason you took it. You believed him. He hadn’t gotten up and forced you to do anything, he stayed right there the whole time. He had yet to share those pictures with Anakin. A million other twisted reasons you’d started to accept that this was becoming a new normal. A thousand other things that pushed you to believe him.

He’d only bruised your self image with his cold, hard truths about you. That’s not a crime. That’s a reality check.

“Good choice little doe!” You could practically hear the beaming smile on his face behind the plastic mask.

“Now come up here.” He patted the spot next to him. “I don’t like seeing you upset, I’m sorry.”

He was apologizing? He was apologizing.

“You’re sorry?” You repeated in shock.

“Of course I’m sorry. You’re on the verge of tears and I’ve caused it.” He said, holding out his hand palm up for you to take.

“I’m not a monster.”

You hesitated before accepting his hand and climbing into bed beside him. You sat a safe distance from him at first but he lolled his head to the side in what you assumed was a dramatic eye roll and tugged you to his side in a one armed swoop.

The action had you frozen. This was it. He was gonna hurt you. You’d been naive and stupid and he was going to violate you, this time while you were conscious, you’d remember it this time.

“Relax.” He soothed, tucking you comfortably against his side, his bicep behind your head as a pillow and his gloved hand on your side in a way that was almost comforting. “I mean it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” You whispered, what the fuck is happening?

“No, it’s not okay. I could’ve been more gentle with my words.” His opposite hand rubbing his knuckles across your cheek lovingly.

You were quiet for a moment, debating on the course of action you should take. You were in fact very much allowing this to occur. Would it be so horrible to try and enjoy it? He was warm. He smelled nice and familiar, the cologne… you must have a subtle memory of it from all the times he’d been here while you slept. He was comfortable. He was surprisingly kind.

What’s the worst that could happen?

“Before you get comfy.” He spoke quietly, the voice box crackling from his low voice, “you didn’t take your pill.”

“Oh yeah you’re right.” You moved to get up, pink cheeked because once again he proved that you were in fact helpless without him.

“Don’t get up, I have it right here.” He chuckled, reaching over to the nightstand and handing you the pill packet and a thermos. “Tea.”

“Huh.” You stared at him. Gods this was so fucking weird. “Well… wow okay.” You huffed out a laugh and took your medicine with a sip of your tea.

“Tastes different.” You said, handing the packet back to him.

“Mhm. Yeah I poisoned it.” He said nonchalantly, making you almost choked on your second sip.

“You what?” You shrieked, waking up the cat who bolted from his lap.

“Aw look what you did,” he groaned gesturing to the empty space with a few stray cat hairs.

“You- are you serious?” You started to almost hyperventilate. “Should I make myself throw up?”

Why are you asked the man who poisoned you that? Like he’d tell you.

“No, that would be a waste of good tea.” He snorted. “I put cinnamon in it you idiot.”

“What?”

“Cinnamon.” He repeated. “It’s just cinnamon. It was a joke.”

“That’s not fucking funny!” You shouted, smacking his shoulder.

“Ive already told you once.” His hand shot out and grabbed your jaw firmly. “Do not. Raise. Your voice. At me.” He growled.

“I believe you meant to say ‘ha-ha, ghost that was funny. you got me!’” He snickered and released your jaw, soothing you with his hand now gently raking through your hair.

You were stunned. Absolutely shook by his quick turnaround, this should be terrifying. This man can be so gentle one moment and the next he’s speaking to you like he’s ordering you to lay down at the guillotine. It wasn’t terrifying in the right way. Not the type of fear you should be feeling at his unpredictable actions.

You weren’t scared of him at all. But yourself? Yes. Who is this girl? Why is she… why do you like this? It’s scary because you’re not scared. It’s horrifying because you want more. It’s terrifying because you’re morbidly curious about what he’d do if you acted out again.

You shook your head and picked your jaw off the floor, deciding the best course of action was to just tuck yourself back under his arm and watch whatever movie he had paused when you entered the room.

Might as well. You’ve already come this far.

Date

August 14th

When you woke up the next morning Ghost was gone. Your home was devoid of any trace of him, no note, no gift, no messages. Nothing.

He had hardly moved while you sat with him, the only consistent movement was the gentle twist and twirl of one long lock of your hair around his finger. It was repetitive and soothing, just like the calming rise and fall of his chest.

How could he be so calm? So off guard?

You could’ve turned on him at any moment. Ripped off his mask and saw who he was, grabbed your lamp and wacked him with it. Punched him in the nuts and ran.

But, to be fair, he could’ve done the same to you. Yet you stayed there, albeit anxious and on high alert for majority of the time spent with him. Despite the fact that you knew he carried a weapon, even though you were well aware of what he’d been doing to you all this time, even after he’d manhandled your face when you smarted off to him.

It must be a twisted form of mutual trust.

Or you might just be delusional.

Either way, it was wrong and you knew that. You intentionally got naked in front of another man, while he laid on the bed your boyfriend so sweetly makes love to you in. You fell asleep in the arms of this man. Not just *any* other man, the one who has been stalking you relentlessly for months.

You’ve cheated on Anakin. If he knew, it would crush him. It would break apart his big, soft, velveteen heart. Your betrayal would rip a hole right through the middle and slice up the fabric so badly it couldn’t be sewn back up without ending up smaller, weaker, and deformed.

What could you do? Was there anything to do? Telling him to his face… the thought of it soured your stomach so badly you thought you might form an ulcer.

Telling Ghost to fuck off and leave you alone wasn’t an option either. No matter what you did, the precautions you put in place; he would find you. Not only would he find you, but he wouldn’t allow Anakin the privilege of breathing anymore.

You couldn’t tell Luke. He’d lecture you until your ears bled while he dragged you to the nearest police station. Then Luke would be in danger, Anakin would know, and Ghost would still be your problem. And if Luke didn’t believe you, he’d ship you off to the long term care loony bin.

Your sister? Of course you couldn’t tell her either. She has her own family. Ghost already knows where she lives, he’s told you so.

He knows everything about you. Your family tree, your friends list, your schedule, your medical information, banking account, he has complete access to your home, your phone…

You are a canary in a cage and he is a cat pawing at you through the metal bars.

It’s only a matter of time before one of those claws nicks you. A feather or two might come loose, open up a weak spot on your frail body. The next swipe might draw blood, maybe it won’t. Or maybe he’ll be lucky enough to bat you to the bottom of the cage.

It’s hard enough to escape when there’s someone always watching. When there’s a lock on the door. But to attempt to flee with broken wings? You couldn’t hobble your way to safety anyway. Bird cages don’t have doors at the bottom, they’re halfway up. They don’t have horizontal bars. You can’t climb.

You are stuck.

It’s up to you if you want to be trapped there intact, or if you’d rather wallow at the bottom in pain.

——————————————————————————

Maybe you should just break up with Anakin.

Ghost said he wouldn’t hurt him, but how long will that last? How long until he gets tired of waiting? Should you ask Ghost again? Just to make sure? Make him sign a fucking contract?

Maybe it would be best if-

“Sweetheart?” Anakin whispered softly, waving his hand in front of your face. “What’s going on? I’ve been standing here for almost a minute.”

Anakin was here.

“What?” You whispered back, suddenly overwhelmingly aware of your surroundings.

The diner. You were at The Bluebird. You were working. A glance to the clock told you that you’d been here for over two hours, a quick scan of the tables and the counter proved that you hadn’t neglected any customers. Your notepad and pen were in your hand, there was money in the tip jar.

Anakin was here.

“Hey, c’mere.” His voice soft and concerned.

He gently took the pad and pen from your hands, put an arm around your shoulder and held your hand as he led you through the kitchen. Not an uncommon occurrence, Anakin was well known to everyone at the Bluebird due to his frequent visits to see you. He often walked with you out through the kitchen to sit on the curb with you while you took a break and he smoked a cigarette.

“Vigo, I’m taking her out back.” He said quietly, speaking to the dishwasher.

“I was about to call you man.” He spoke back in a hushed voice. “She’s been actin’ like that since she got here.”

“Yeah? Well next time don’t wait to call.” Anakin grumbled, scowling at your coworker.

The heat of the afternoon sun soothed over your skin, making you painfully aware of the cold sweat lacing the back of your neck. You blinked and it felt like it was the first time you’d closed your eyes in hours. Your mouth was dry, your teeth felt cold and your brain might’ve been better described as soup.

Anakin sat down on the curb and pulled you down with him. Placing you sideways between his legs, your arms immediately threw themselves around his neck and you curled up into him.

“Jesus baby.” He whispered, the wind getting knocked out of him at your aggressive tackle.

“An-” You started to sob before you even finished his name.

“W-what’s wrong?” You could feel his heart beat quicken beneath you, hear it pounding in his chest. He was feeling real, true panic.

“Hey, hey talk to me. Breathe.” He tried to soothe you by petting your hair, rocking you gently, kissing your forehead… anything, anything he could think of and nothing was working.

You were sobbing so loudly that Anakin was glad there wasn’t a back parking lot. If someone wanted to see where this horrible wailing was coming from they’d have to walk all the way around back, thankfully most people didn’t care enough to do such a thing.

Unfortunately though, your coworkers did care.

The back door creaked open and you could hardly hear the conversation over your own tears.

“Anakin!” Vigo whisper shouted. “What the fuck did you do to her?”

“What do you mean? I didn’t do this!” His voice angrily gritting through his teeth. “What happened today?”

“Nothin’ man! I dunno!” Vigo squeaked raising up his hands in surrender. “She just clocked in like that, no cryin’ though. She’s hardly said a word.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t call me!” Anakin grunted, “I’m her emergency contact for a reason you idiot.”

“Hey? Don’t get mad at me!” Vigo scoffed. “I figured she was in a funk because of you, why would I call if I thought it was boyfriend troubles?”

“Jesus- did you even ask her?”

“What?”

“Oh my fuckin’-“ Anakin took a breath to regulate himself, one arm firmly holding you while the other was wildly gesturing as he spoke. “Did you ask her what was wrong?”

“No?”

“Are you stupid? God just fuck- go back inside before you end up crying on the ground too.” He snapped at him, huffing as the back door shut behind a quickly retreating Vigo.

“Sorry baby, I’m sorry,” He whispered, petting your head and squeezing you tightly. “I’m sorry, that probably didn’t help did it?”

“N-not really.” You hiccuped out a laugh.

“She speaks.” He gasped, “want me to yell at him some more? I’ll do it just say the word-“

“Anakin-“ you snorted, wiping your eyes and nose on his shirt. “Aw shit sorry.”

“You think I’m worried about alittle snot?” He scoffed, “Sweetheart, I’d lick it out of your nose like a cow if you’d let me. C’mere I’ll prove it.”

He stuck out his tongue and flicked it at you, chasing your face as you squirmed away from him. Despite to horrible ache in your lungs and the scratchy feeling in your throat, Anakin had a way of making everything better. Even if it was accomplished by making a fool of himself.

You laughed in spite of trying to catch your breath, fighting those awkward stalled inhales with a the goofy little giggle only he could force out of you. He relented finally when you gave up struggling, opting for a kiss on the tip of your nose rather than his tongue up your nostril.

“Wanna talk to me now?” He asked quietly, his playful attitude tucked away and replaced with seriousness.

“I don’t know Ani.” You sighed, feeling horribly conflicted. “I just want to go home.”

“Then I’ll take you home.” He said, not leaving room for argument. “But I’m not letting you get up until you tell me what’s going on.”

“Please? Please I don’t wanna talk about it.” Your eyes already filling back up with tears.

“It’s nothing really! It’s okay.” You pleaded with him, “I’m just… I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff and it’s all overwhelming.”

“That’s not okay, don’t say it’s okay. You just wailed like a banshee.” He said sternly. “Talk, let me help.”

“I just feel like I’m losing my mind.” You scoffed, “Im going nuts. I don’t… I don’t know. I don’t know how to explain it without you thinking I’m insane.”

“Princess.” He said, his voice cracking with pain. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”

“W-what if hypothetically…” you whispered. “It’s only hypothetical okay?”

“Okay. Imaginary scenario, let’s hear it.” He nodded solemnly.

“Hypothetically, if I was having… nightmares of someone being in my house. What would you say.” You whispered.

“Hypothetical nightmares?” He asked, one eyebrow raised. “Well… I’d suggest that maybe you… go to therapy? See if you can find the root of the problem.”

Therapy? To find the root of the problem? That would work if you didn’t already know where to find the problem: in your apartment at any given moment. Hell, he was probably there right now.

“Are you having these dreams because of that night at the bar?” He asked softly, tucking loose hairs behind your ear. “You know we didn’t see anyone put anything in your drink. No one left at the same time as you but your friends.”

“Now like I said before, just because we didn’t see it on camera… it doesn’t mean that no one slipped something in your drink. Stuff like that unfortunately happens all the time.” He sighed.

“I know.” You nodded, your eyes wet and sad, you knew you weren’t drugged there. You were drugged in the security of your own home. “I know, I think maybe I was just alittle more tipsy than I thought I don’t-“

“Hey, no… it’s okay.” He soothed you. “I believe you.”

“But there was no one who followed you home from the bar. I can say that with 100% certainty okay?” He said sternly.

“Ani but-“

“Look at me.” He said sharply, his voice turning soft again immediately after. “No one followed you home. I watched that video a hundred times over from every angle possible. No one else left the bar until about 17 minutes after you and your friends left.”

“Now don’t get upset baby okay? Listen I know, I know that it scared you shitless.” He said in a pained way, his face not quite matching his tone of voice like he was having a hard time trying to decide how to respond.

“Which is perfectly valid. It’s totally okay to be terrified if you saw something like that.” He soothed you, squeezing your upper arms. “I’m not saying it didn’t happen, I would never say that. If you say that you saw something, I believe you.”

“But, just because you saw it… doesn’t mean that it was truly there. Those kind of drugs can really fuck with your head baby.” He said gently.

“I know.” You sniffled, wiping your eyes and hiding against his chest again.

Gods… this man. He really was one of a kind, not just any man or person in general for that matter, would respond so well to such a strange temporary delusion. Your past boyfriends would’ve run for the hills. But not Anakin. It was clear he wasn’t deterred easily, he was your personal emotional support pet leech.

It was strange, feeling so comfortable like this with someone you hadn’t known for very long. After this conversation you thought maybe it would be okay to tell Anakin the truth about it all. He’d handle it perfectly well wouldn’t he?

But, you can’t risk putting him in harms way. You wouldn’t know if Anakin would be safe without first speaking to Ghost. If Anakin was your pet leech… Ghost was the the neighborhood street dog who’d decided your porch was the safest place to sleep. Who would be heartless enough to kick the poor thing out without a proper meal first?

That’s the problem with strays. Give them a scrap and they’ll love you for life.

Diary Entry: August 14th

Jesus baby I’m sorry. I thought things went well last night, I didn’t mean to make you so upset. I really didn’t. I guess you weren’t ready to see Ghost after all.

That’s my fault, I apologize. I should have known better.

It’s just… you seemed kind of excited for it you know? I thought we had a good time. Was the stripping down in front of me what freaked you out so much? Or seeing the pictures? I shouldn’t have done that. I really shouldn’t have, that was too far, too fast.

I see now that I made a mistake and I plan to rectify it as soon as possible. I’m going to give you a choice, one that I really don’t want to give you. But I will for the sake of your sanity.

I’ve been selfish for too long.

I’ve not truly considered your feelings on the situation, I’ve taken your response at face value and never attempted to dig farther than that. It won’t happen again I can assure you of that. Ghost will still be Ghost, but perhaps just a bit more considerate of your opinions and boundaries.

You must understand though, it’s hard to deal with this for me too. I know it’s not fair to compare our separate sides of the situation like this, but it’s true. It’s painful to watch you get so upset over something I’ve done, knowing I can’t really resolve the issue. I don’t know how to help, or fix this.

I’ve dug myself into a hole. A Pit if you will.

How could you ever forgive me now? After all this time that I have been so stupidly self-centered… I imagine it would be unlikely that you could find it in your immensely kind soul to forgive and forget my transgressions.

Maybe not though? I do see you as a godly entity, my own personal deity. If I leave enough at the altar, bow at your feet for long enough, serve you unconditionally… maybe then you would see that I have discovered the error of my ways. You could see that I am truthful in my pursuit of repentance.

Date

August 15th

Anakin drove to the opposite side of the city to purchase your apology gifts from Ghost. He knew well enough that Luke never had a set schedule, Han was always at the gym and you were at book club. There was limited space in time and even smaller proximity of location for him to safely collect the supplies he needed.

If someone saw him buying a dozen red roses and told you about it without his knowledge… well there goes Ghost. It’d be real hard to explain that away.

So he went to the florist, chose the most beautiful bouquet he could find and tucked it away in a large brown bag with tissue paper over the top so he wouldn’t accidentally bruise the petals.

He strolled down the side walk to another small mom and pop store, just to browse through stationary and cards. Ghost needs to be alittle more classy in his opinion. Maybe if his notes are on nice paper and written in plain black ink… that could ease the discomfort of it. It’s probably not super welcoming to find a ripped scrap of paper with red ink scrawled on it now that he’s come to think of it.

It was amusing to him before, but after your display of emotion, he’s feeling guilty. Very, very guilty. There was no reason to go the extra mile on stupid little things like that.

So, pretty grey paper and matching envelopes join the bouquet.

Now he just has to find something else. It can’t be chocolate or something generic. It has to be something meaningful. Something thoughtful to solidify the sentiment behind his offer for you. Something that will push you to make the right decision.

——————————————————————————

Anakin walked into your apartment, and went straight to your bedroom, it was time for Ghost to set up his apology present.

The big red bouquet was carefully placed in the center of your bed along with the pretty stationary propped against it. Your name carefully and neatly written in **black ink** on the envelope.

Your other gift, had turned into two. A small black box accompanying a short and squat black gift bag with grey tissue paper.

He was proud of his staged display, so proud that he couldn’t wait for you to see it. He was itching for you to get home, he needed to know what you’d choose. He was dying to see your pretty face light up with joy at his thoughtfulness.

So against his better judgement, he snapped a picture of himself standing at your bedside. The photo taken from a high angle to capture just the corner of your red rose bouquet, with himself taking up majority of the frame. His mask tilted to the side and his free hand held up a gloved peace sign.

He’d wait to send it.

He wanted to see your face when the message came through.

Anakin was prepared to be patient, but he didn’t have to be patient for long. He got the notification that there was movement out front of the building, he pulled up the live feed from the stairwell camera on his laptop and excitedly jolted up out of his seat before sitting back down quickly to scoot his seat back up to the table.

He rubbed his hands together and practically combusted from the inside when he confirmed it was you. His fingers moved quickly to send the text message and just as he thought you would, you paused and pulled your phone from your hoodie pocket.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, a bit of panic and maybe a bit of excitement. But mostly, Anakin was saddened to see fear. You were scared, but so brave as he watched you sprint up the steps. He shook his head and let out a deep breath, pulling up the split screen of all the cameras in your home.

You burst through the front door and slammed it shut, tossing your bag aside. Anakin turned up the volume just a bit and immediately realized that was a mistake because you yelled directly underneath the kitchen camera. The audio crackled as you shouted out for Ghost, Anakin realized then that you must think he’s still inside your home.

‘Just missed me.’ He texted quickly, watching you check your phone quickly and let out a sigh of relief as you muttered under your breath.

He thought you might text back, but why would you when you knew he was watching at that very moment?

“Hey!” You said, spinning in place, your eyes darting around to scan the room. “Where did you go? I didn’t see you!”

You rushed over to the living room window and down to the alley below, then up the fire escape, your gaze traveling over to the next building’s roof.

‘You won’t see me unless I want you to.’ He texted back.

“Jesus.” You muttered, rubbing your wrist anxiously. “I guess you want me to go to my room huh?”

‘Yes please.’

“Fine.” You sighed, kicking off your shoes as you walked over to the bedroom door, flinging it open quickly just incase he was still hiding out.

Your eyes drew to the center of your bed, the roses, the bag and box, the envelope. If the situation weren’t so strange you might consider this a romantic gesture. But it’s not, it’s not romantic and you shouldn’t want to open the gifts and sniff the pretty, sweet smelling flowers. You should want to call the police and have them haul the shit off for evidence.

“What’s all this for?” You asked alittle quieter than before, holding up your phone to read the text as it came through almost instantly as you knew that it would.

‘Letter.’

“Letter? That’s all?” You scoffed, “you did all this for a letter?”

‘It’s important.’ The response came quickly, followed by a second in rapid succession. ‘Gifts first.’

“Okay… alright. Gifts first.” You sighed, pulling your hand back from where it was inches away from the grey envelope.

The small box seemed like a good first thing to open, easy enough to snap shut if you didn’t like what you saw inside. Tentatively shifting the lid back and forth you wiggled it free and lifted the small square of padding to reveal a very nice, very ornate, obviously hand crafted hair-pin with a silver rod for the pin.

You gingerly lifted it from the box and held it in your hand to examine it, walking over to the window to open the curtains and see it more clearly. Smooth, black ceramic, gorgeously curved and curled silver fittings. But the most intriguing, the most breathtaking part of it, was the delicate lines and the daintily carved cameo in the center of the ceramic oval.

A woman standing under a willow, with a fawn at her feet.

You wanted to hate it, but how could you hate something so beautiful? How could you pretend to be unappreciative of something that clearly took time and effort to find, it wasn’t just vintage, it was antique. The fact that he’d searched for and seized the jewelry was a feat in itself.

You gingerly laid it back in its box, almost too afraid to hold it. Afraid of its fragility, afraid of what it stood for, how it made you feel. The tiny claws of emotion ripping at your throat stole your voice, you could only hope that Ghost couldn’t see your face from where you were standing or he would clearly see what he’d stirred up inside you.

You picked up the small bag and lifted the tissue paper gently, hoping it wasn’t another emotionally draining surprise.

It wasn’t draining, but it sure as hell was a surprise.

“What’s this?” You snorted, turning the bag over and dumping out a few cat toys.

You waited, checking your phone periodically but got no response. You knew he was still watching, so why wasn’t he answering? Sighing you shook your head and opted to take a look at the toys.

A felt kicker toy shaped as a bloody knife. A couple of fluffy spiders, eyeballs with bells inside, and a little vampire bat that was almost too cute to be a cat toy.

“Thanks.” You said quietly.

It was infuriating how well he knew you, he knew how to crawl into your brain and make you want more. How could you not when he did things like this? Thoughtful, well planned gifts, including your pet too. He knew that your cat was your baby and he’d taken the time to befriend her, cared about her enough to buy her things.

It made it all the more irritating that his choice of toys was just alittle funny. But you’d die before you admit that seeing the knife made you crack a grin.

Finally you decided it was time to open the envelope, as soon as you did, you understood why he’d asked you to open the gifts first.

LETTER

Little Doe,

I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. The hurt I saw, the words heard… I felt it in my soul when I watched you crumble.

My purpose is to love you, my job is to keep you safe, my goal is to make you happy. I’m only doing one of those things, it’s selfish of me to love you the way that I do. I know that.

What I’ve done is wrong, I’m aware. I can’t justify or explain it to you. Just know that the long and short of it is love, it’s not a normal love, but it’s mine and I’m giving it all to you.

There’s no way you’d understand the lengths I’d go to, the things I would do for you. You’d never comprehend how deeply I adore you. That’s okay. It’s hard for me to understand myself too.

The hairpin, it’s the goddess of the hunt and her fawn. I thought considering it all, it would be more than suitable for our situation.

You’re a saint, a deity, someone worth the labors of worship.

Goddesses aren’t meant to be touched, held, loved corporally. They’re meant to be imagined, a comforting presence that you feel all around you, bowed to in hopes of receiving grace. I’ve tried to go beyond the altar to reach you and for that I’m truly sorry.

Please, please take my offerings.

I love you, I need you, but I don’t deserve you. No one deserves attention from the heavens, especially not me. But if you are listening, if you’re willing, I’ll try my best to be the perfect follower.

So I’ll ask for a boon from my goddess:

Grant me passage on the road to repentance, or take my hand to walk through the valley.

You sat on your bed in silence for a long while, your cat coming to join you and accept the gifts left for her excitedly. It brought you a moment of peace to watch her waller around and smack the eyeballs across the floor.

So the overwhelming weight of the thin grey sheet of paper in your hand felt even heavier when she scampered off with her brand new bag toy hanging from her mouth like a fresh kill. She’d left you alone and undistracted again. Just you, your thoughts, and the suffocating silence surrounding you, the creeping tingle on your neck that told you he was still watching the cameras.

He was waiting.

So you sighed and crawled off the bed with your bouquet in tow, cutting the stems into the kitchen trash can and filling a glass vase with water to display them on the counter.

The grey paper followed you from room to room, seat to seat, from one hand to the other as you read it over and over. You could recite it by memory, it was burned into your retinas, you could still feel the indents of his pen on the paper long after you’d sat it aside, the smell of the paper dye singed your nostrils and didn’t leave even after your shower.

You thought you could clean yourself, wash your hands of the problem both literally and metaphorically.

No amount of scrubbing could rinse your brain well enough to wash away the thousands of jumbled words swirling around. You’d been trying to formulate one, just one, coherent sentence for a response. But each time you made progress, you changed your mind on the decision, you scrapped the idea, sent it to the shredder and recycled it into a slightly different, just as illegible mess.

He’s giving you an out. Take it.

Who cares if he still watches you? He won’t interfere. He won’t show up for visits, he won’t leave you gifts or notes.

He’d left you with an offering. A little piece of himself in exchange for your so called ‘divine intervention’. He was asking for the hand of god to stir the pot and serve it too. At least, that’s how he saw it.

For you it was just an awkward toss up of a bunch of jumbled pros and cons.

On one hand he was offering you freedom. Opening the bird cage and giving you the option to escape but clipping your wings, ensuring you can’t go too far.

He’d still watch, just not make an appearance… keep himself hidden like before.

This would also solidify Anakin’s safety, which you valued highly. You’d be free to have your beautiful blossoming relationship, without the worry and stress from the Ghost that haunts your apartment.

On the other hand he gave you the choice to join him in some capacity. To walk through the valley with him; would he walk two steps behind? Two in front? Or side-by-side?

It’d give you the opportunity to explore this stranger you’ve discovered living inside your mind and body. That weird itch that only Ghost can scratch, the thought of him alone just doesn’t do it for you anymore.

You’d have the chance to see who is under that mask and that was more intriguing than anything. You felt like the more you spoke to him, the more you watched him in person… maybe you’d be able to narrow it down to a few people. That might be worth the risks that come with allowing him to continue visiting.

So, you swallowed your fear and closed your eyes. A few silent moments later you spoke aloud, assuming Ghost was still listening.

“I’ll walk with you.” You said slowly, tasting the words as they left your lips. “On two conditions.”

‘What are they, deer?’ His response came instantaneously.

“You leave my friends and family alone. You swear on your life they’re safe and that includes Anakin. I mean it, I’m not fucking around about it okay?” You said confidently. “I already feel guilty enough, don’t make it worse for me.”

‘Guilty?’

“Yes guilty! I have a boyfriend, who I really, really like.” You said, feeling exhausted from the complexity of your choice. “This isn’t fair to him!”

“But it’s… it’s not fair to me either!” You said frustratedly as you blew out a long breath of air through pursed lips. “I deserve to know who you are! You’ve been watching me for god knows how long and I haven’t even heard your real voice.”

“And… and it’s not fair for you either.” You admitted quietly.

‘Why?’

“You’ve been… mostly harmless. Kind.” You confessed, considering saying more, much more. “You’ve been helpful. Despite everything you’ve done, you obviously care about me. I can’t ignore that especially now.”

‘Mostly harmless??’

‘Why ‘especially’ now?’

“You’re joking right?” You snorted in disbelief, shaking your head and trying to stifle a laugh of indignation. “You… well I mean it feels wrong to call it what it is. But- you.. you know what you did!” You crossed your arms frustratedly.

‘Ah… the extracurriculars.’

“Sure if that’s what you want to call it.” An expression of, strangely enough, amusement, crossed over your features. “What it is… well you know what it is.” You sighed.

“But for some reason… I don’t want to call it that.” You said quietly.

‘Hm. I’ll remember that.’

“I’m sure you will.” You huffed in spite of yourself, because if you were honest you’d be telling him you liked it. Your body liked it, your brain liked it, asleep or not, he’d affected you in ways you were unsure you could get with anyone else. Including your sweet and precious boyfriend, he’s too tender and loving.

“Second condition: you promise me that you’ll eventually tell me who you are.” You said firmly. “I deserve to know.”

‘I accept.’

“Okay then.” You sighed with relief and a bit of resignation. “You still have to warn me if you’re gonna be coming to visit though!”

‘Yes ma’am.’

“Ew. Add that to the list. Never call me ma’am again.” You snorted and it rolled into a full laugh when you finally looked up and caught your own gaze in your bedroom mirror. You were sitting in your room alone, speaking aloud, having a fully fleshed, seemingly one-sided conversation.

If anyone were to walk in on this scene playing out, they’d think you’ve lost your mind.

Maybe you already have.

Part Ten

The pendant that inspired the hairpin! I forgot to add it in sorryyyyyy

Tag-List:

@wickedtactics @tsugumiholic @kingdomhate @burnthecheshirewitch @exquisitcorpse @arzua10 @bby-imasociopath @depressed-kay @aliciaasky @naty-1001 1@mrsmikaelsxn @bunnylovesani @ausskywalker @angelsadmired @slut4starwarssmut @chocolatepalacecloudhoagie @starkiller419 @hearts4mitski4 @lethargic @allhailbuckybarnes-blog @shadowhuntyi @mortalheartache @fallinlovewithevil @sythethecarrot @chaoticantihero @vadersslut @luvvfromme @anakinsbaee @sweetcheesecakesblog @luvskywxlker @angelsadmired @kaminokatie @anakin-pilled @graveyard-stray @chiaraanatra @jediavengers @zapernz @lunalitva @salted-snailz @queenofchaos99 @ellie-luvsfics @dazednstars141 @rorysbrainrott @hopesworlld @lonaah @guiltycherries @syralix @doblasftcisco

THE TAGS LIST IS FULL! But if you want to be tagged I will comment ur username for you. Love you all so many.

451 notes · View notes

papaya-twinks · 6 months ago

Note

Hi idk of you've seen Max's stream the one where landos wearing a blue dime hoodie but in that stream lando made like music beats and they're like actually good but anyway I had an idea of smth with singer!gf!reader x lando where she like sings and he produces it and ppl go crazy over them and it can be like an upbeat love song like espresso by sabrina carpenter or smth idk just an idea xx

Warnings: swearing, banter

Pairing: Lando Norris x singer!fem!reader

Summary: Singing had always been your passion, and luckily, Lando was also your passion 😎 (don’t usually put summaries but this made me giggle in my on head, sorry if it’s not actually funny)

A/N - idk what the quality so bad tbh

SMAU

y/n

caption: POV ur too broke to produce ur own song 🥹

landonorris: just twerk on stage for money. Oh wait, u already do 😐

-> lilymhe: stop hating on my girl u hater

-> carmenmundt: someone had their hater-ade

alexandrasaintmleux: I’ll pay with charles’ money

-> charlesleclerc: tell me how I know I already don’t have a say in this

oscarpiastri: sell feet pics

-> carlossainz: I advise against it, I tried and i can’t stop

-> user1: WTAF

user2: help this is hilarious

lewishamilton: aw, y/n! Was getting excited for another song

landonorris

caption: did some practise, did quail, did a race, did a heist in order to obtain money, further used money to produce song, usual weekend

y/n: I bought u Starbucks don’t forget that

-> landonorris: oh yeah the thousands I spent on ur song is nothing compared to that

-> y/n: I also gave u head tho 😒

user3: y/n and Lando r wilding

user4: this is so unhinged wtaf

carlossainz: I thought there was a few thousand missing

maxfewtrell: y/n u suck I buy Lando everything

-> y/n: he’s just exploiting us max, see the truth, he’s a gold digger

-> maxfewtrell: oh my fucking god…

-> maxfewtrell: UR SO RIGHT AHHHHHHHHHHH

y/n

caption: it produced my song 😋

landonorris: ‘it’ was balls deep in u last night

-> y/n: LANDO TMI

-> landonorris: uploading the sex tape to my public story

-> y/n: LANDO STOP

-> landonorris: beg

-> y/n: PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE

carlossainz: I’m uncomfortable

oscarpiastri: his face looks weird from that angle

-> y/n: would u prefer the back? backshots?!

-> georgerussell63: y/n wtaf ur weird

-> y/n: Alr mr ‘my name is so common I had to add a number on the end to get a username that wasn’t taken’

-> y/n: (insult 👆)

y/n

caption: I love ‘it’

landonorris: look who’s thinkin’ about me every night 😨

-> y/n: lol not me

-> landonorris: for someone begging for back shots last night, that’s crazy

-> y/n: I humbly request to swallow my words and ask for more back shots

carmenmundt: ISNT THAT SWEET I GUESS SOOSOSOSOOSOSOO

lilymhe: mommy serving 🫶

alexalbon: wtaf is wrong with my woman

user5: not everyone loving it

user4: 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞

y/n

caption: IM SO GLAD Y’ALL LOVE IT @/landonorris producer x singer 🫶🫶🫶😼😼😼

landonorris: AHHHH MY GF’S AMAZING

-> landonorris: YES YES YES YES

-> landonorris: MY BABY MY BABY MY BABY

-> y/n: ILYYYYYYY

user6: It’s a banger y/n!

user7: so proud of our girl!

lewishamilton: never Lets us down

fernandoalonsooficial: what does the ex not give to the man?

-> y/n: uhhhhhh breakfast in bed

-> landonorris: mhm 👍

landonorris: GUESS WHO JUST BUSTED OVER THE COVER AJAKKWKWKWOWOWKKWKAKAKAKAK

-> georgerussell63: Lando wtaf

-> landonorris: I’m gonna bust on u if u don’t stfu

-> landonorris: I was witerally hacked 😽

#lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris x you #f1 #lando x reader #lando norris smut

319 notes · View notes

scribblesofagoonerr · 3 months ago

Text

You're just like them | buddy & monkey: double the trouble

pairings: leah williamson x reader!monkey x reader!buddy x jordan nobbs

summary: monkey is unhappy to spend the night round jordan's for the first time since the transfer to aston villa and she makes her feelings known

double the trouble masterlist

also thank you to @alotofpockets for help with pics for the header + little ideas to add in along the way

“No,” The words out of your mouth were sharp, you folded your arms across your chest and shook your head stubbornly. You were known to be stubborn at times and today was certainly no different.

“It won’t be that bad,” Leah tried again, her tone being gentle but firm, “And you won’t be on your own, Buddy will be there with you as well.” She pointed out, motioning to your favourite little buddy that is bouncing around happily, blissfully unaware of the tension in the room.

“We’re goin’ to Mama’s house!” Buddy chimed in cheerfully, “Monkey ‘ou can see Blu too!” She’s far more excited about this decision than you are, but then again you suppose she’s used to being there more frequently than you, in fact you’ve not actually been to Jordan’s new place so you have no clue what it’s even like, “I show ‘ou all of my toys!”

“See? Buddy’s excited,” Leah said, motioning to your favourite little buddy with a hopeful smile, “It’ll be fun to be there together!”

“Nope, nuh uh!” You insisted, shaking your head harder, “I don’t wanna go there!”

Leah pinched the bridge of her nose, exhaling a deep sigh, “Monkey, please. I know you don’t want to go, but I would feel more reassured to know you were there–”

“I don’t get why I can’t just come? I’m almost 18!” You interjected, throwing your hands up in the air, “It’s only another month away, it won’t matter!”

“The keyword is that being almost there, Menace,” Leah chuckled, shaking her head in amusement, “Maybe next year my girl, eh?” She joked, ruffling your hair.

“Get off,” You grumbled and tried to dodge her hand from touching your hair still, “I don’t want to go there!”

Tonight was Leah’s birthday party since she couldn’t celebrate much when it was her actual birthday, so the celebrations were delayed until tonight at least.

You were gutted you weren’t allowed to go, sometimes it sucked to not be an adult yet.

Despite your determination to try and change Leah’s mind, she wasn’t overly thrilled with the idea of you coming into a club while being under the age limit and therefor, had the brilliant idea to all but ship you and Buddy off to Jordan’s much to your absolute detest about it

Hence the whole argument at that current moment that you’re having with her after she’s just dropped the bombshell on you about going there.

“I know you’re not happy about this my girl but it’s just for tonight,” Leah began to speak, “And yes I’m aware you’re almost 18 now but I’m sorry, you’re not staying in the house alone, I don’t know what time I’ll be back and I would feel a lot more comfortable if you were somewhere that I knew you were safe, okay?” She told you firmly, but there’s a hint of a smile on her lips.

“But why do I have to go there though?” You huffed and stomped around in strong disagreement, you definitely weren’t going to agree to going there against your own will, “I’m not going and you can’t make me!”

“Monkey, come on. Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” Leah exhaled a sigh and rested her hands on her hips, “Jordan’s really looking forward to spending time with you both as well.”

“I don’t care, I’m not going! Why can’t I just go to Kim’s house? Or even Wally’s?” You demanded, scrunching your face up in confusion, “Or there’s even Beth and Viv’s as well!”

“Because they will all be coming to the party tonight,” Leah explained patiently, her tone calm despite your attitude overall as she continued to fold a set of Buddy’s clothes and put them in her overnight bag fresh out of the washing basket, “Jordan’s really looking forward to spending time with you and Buddy. It’s been a while since you’ve properly seen her.”

A groan escaped your lips, your frustration bubbling over, “Yeah and there’s been a reason for that,” You murmured, hopping up onto the counter definitely.

“Oi, off there,” Leah swatted at your knee, just like she always does but now you just do it to purposely wind her up, “Will you please just give her a chance?”

Rolling your eyes, you hopped off the kitchen counter, “I don’t want to go, Le,” You mumbled, still standing firm in your protest as you lean up against it and cross your arms.

Leah exhaled a sigh, biting her lip, “Look, I know you’re not thrilled about it, but it’s only for one night–”

“One night?” You repeated, your eyes widening, “One night? Nah, there’s no fuckin’ way I’m going there and staying overnight! No! You can fuck off if you think I’m doin’ that, Leah!” You hadn’t meant to swear, but you couldn’t help your initial reaction at that very moment, “I thought that I would at least be able to come home tonight after you’re back!”

You especially hadn’t meant to do it in front of Buddy and her little ears.

Buddy gasped, her little eyes wide as saucers, “Monkey, ‘ou said bad words!”

“Tattletale,” You murmured, rolling your eyes.

“Excuse me?” Leah’s eyes narrowed, flashing with anger suddenly. You guess you did just swear at her, what other type of reaction did you expect?

“You’re excused,” You replied, a cocky smile plastered over your face, “I’m not goin’ there!”

“Yes you are,” Leah snapped, her patience now wearing thin, “I get that you’re annoyed and upset about this, but I am definitely not going to stand here and allow you to swear at me like that and think you can get away with it. You don’t have a choice in this, you’re the child and I’m the adult and what I say goes, understood?”

“Urgh, whatever. It wasn’t even directed at you!” You grumbled, completely lying through your teeth but you didn’t want to make the situation worse for yourself, the blonde looked pissed as it was already, “I’m not goin’ there and you can’t make me!”

Leah’s jaw tightened, you can see a flicker of hurt flash across her face, but it’s quickly replaced by the stern expression she usually reserves for you when you’ve pushed things too far, “Monkey,” She said, her voice low and controlled, “You’re going to Jordan’s and that’s final. End of discussion.”

“No I’m not!” You shouted, frustration boiling over, “I don’t even care what you say, she abandoned us– she abandoned me! I’m not goin’ there and you can’t make me!”

The words hung heavy in the air, and for a second, there was silence. Even Buddy seemed to sense the shift in the room, her little face wrinkling with confusion.

“Hey, bubba,” Leah turned her full attention to the little one in the room, very much aware this is a sensitive topic to be discussed around her, “Why don’t you go and choose what toys that you want to take to Mama's house when we go there, huh?” She suggested.

“Yeah!” Buddy’s shout was electrifying, not wasting the time to toddle into the living room and seek out the toys that she wants to bring with her for the unexpected sleepover at Jordan’s house.

Leah took a deep breath, trying to steady herself and you can see the conflict in her eyes, the way she’s fighting between anger and empathy, “Monkey, it wasn’t like that,” She finally said, softer now, “Jord didn’t abandon you. You know she didn’t leave you because she wanted to hurt you, she had to make a choice based on her career and sure, it was a difficult one, but it was something that she needed to do but it wasn’t about her not caring, my girl.”

“But she left us… She left without even thinking twice about it!” You snapped back, your voice trembling with emotion you hadn’t expected to feel, “I asked her to not go and she still did!”

All throughout your life, you have had endless people walking in and out of it.

Your mum abandoned you when you were little and your dad couldn’t wait to wash his hands off you the minute that he could. The 2 most important people in your life just decided to up and leave you, just like that.

It’s one of the many reasons why you keep your walls built up so high because then at least nobody can knock them down and hurt you again, right?

You learned to trust people more when you signed for Arsenal and moved in with Leah and Jordan at the start, you opened up to people who you thought would never leave you, all of them stayed apart from one.

Jordan.

It hurt more than it should’ve done, it just really stung.

The separation between Leah and Jordan was a completely mutual decision between the two of them and you could understand that, in fact even when Jordan moved into a place in London, you would still go there and visit, even spend a few nights there with herself and Buddy when you could.

However, things turned sour when you learnt of the woman’s plans to transfer to Aston Villa in the Winter transfer and from there, you found yourself pushing her away.

If you pushed her away then it would save you from getting hurt too much when you eventually didn’t see her, right?

Wrong.

The day of the move, you found yourself crying and begging her to stay, but she never did.

She left you, she left you and Buddy, and even Leah to some extent.

You couldn’t help but resent her for that now if you’re being honest.

Leah sighed deeply, rubbing a hand over her face as if trying to rub away the tension, “I know it feels like that, my girl,” She said softly, “I know it hurts and I wish I could do anything to make it better, but sometimes people have to make choices that don’t always make sense to us. It doesn’t mean that Jord doesn’t care though, you know she loves both you and Buddy, so much!”

“Well it doesn’t feel like she cares nor can she love us that much if she just chooses to willingly go,” You murmured, shoving your hands in the pockets of your shorts.

“No matter what you think, you know deep down that Jordan does care about you, a whole damn lot,” Leah explained to you gently, her eyes softened ever so slightly, “She didn’t want to go, it was just… look, sometimes life just doesn’t give us the easy option.”

You continued to scowl, stubbornness etched into your every feature, “Yeah if she really did care then she would’ve stayed, regardless of that and whatever.” You can’t say you’re in the mood to listen, to rationalise, or to forgive. As far as you’re concerned, Jordan chose her career over you, she abandoned you and there’s no good enough excuse for that.

“Look, my girl, I know this isn’t something that you want to do and I know you’re still upset with her about things,” Leah knew this isn’t something that’s going to be fixed with words, but she has to try at least, “I’m not saying you have to forgive her today, or tomorrow, or anytime soon, but I do need you to go there, and just… just give it a chance, please?”

“I… I don’t want to go,” You murmured quietly, shaking your head in defiance. The mere thought of it filled you with resentment.

The blonde exhaled a sigh and ran her hand through her hair, “Please? Just do it for me,” She pauses, “Jord really is looking forward to spending some time with you.” She added.

You let out a derisive scoff, the bitterness evident in your voice, “The feelings’ not mutual there,” You retorted, refusing to meet Leah’s gaze, “Please don’t make me go, Le.”

Leah’s eyes softened with a mix of pleading and resolve, “Do it for Buddy, if not for me.”

The mention of Buddy stung, she didn’t deserve to be caught in the middle of this but of course Leah knows that you would do absolutely anything for your favourite little buddy.

“Fine,” You snapped, pushing yourself off the counter with a huff, “I’ll go there, but don’t expect me to be happy there!”

Leah nodded, relief evident in her eyes despite the tension, “That’s all I’m asking for, my girl,” She said softly, “Just a chance.”

The initial drive to Jordan’s place was mostly filled with a tense silence, apart from Buddy’s cheerful singing from her car seat to none other than the soundtrack of North London Forever that she surprisingly asked for herself and of course Leah was quick to agree to the request.

You keep your gaze stubbornly fixed out of the window, refusing to look at Leah or engage in any conversation and the blonde, thankfully senses your mood and doesn’t push further, already exhausted from trying to reason with you.

“Alright then, we’re here,” Leah announced, trying to keep the mood cheerful as she glanced between you in the passenger seat and the rear view mirror to see Buddy vibrating with excitement in her car seat.

“Fantastic,” You murmured, your stomach tightening in resentment as you stared out the window, not wanting to move out of your seat.

“Mama!” Buddy squealed from the back of the car, all but trying to unbuckle her own car seat much to her disappointment of not being able to, “Mummy, wan’ out!” She whined in frustration.

“Hold on a second bubba,” Leah chuckled at your favourite little buddy’s general lack of patience, “Mummy will help you to get out in a minute.” She added.

“Do I really have to be here?” You asked, frowning as you looked at Leah for a response, which you definitely already knew the answer to.

“You already know my answer to that,” Leah retorted, exhaling a sigh as she turned the car ignition off before unbuckling her seatbelt, “It’s just one night.” She reminded you.

“Worth a shot I guess,” You huffed in response and slowly moved to unbuckle your own seatbelt.

“It won’t be that bad,” Leah attempted to reassure you, giving you a soft smile before she opened her car door and climbed out of it to walk round to the side Buddy is to set her free from her car seat, “Right then, my little bubba. Are you ready to go and see your Mama?”

“I see Mama!” Buddy shouted excitedly as Leah unbuckled her and lifted her up to place her on the ground, “Mama! Mama!” She continued to squeal in delight.

“Yeah, we’re gonna go and find Mama,” Leah smiled genuinely at her 2 year old’s excitement as she held her in her arms as she turned back to look to where you’re still sat in the car, “You’re going to have to get out sooner rather than later, you know?” She told you, amusedly.

“I choose later,” You murmured, barely louder than a whisper, reluctant to climb out of the car any time soon, “Better yet, I’ll just stay in here and come back home with you.”

Leah exhaled a sigh and opened the car door, “Get out of the car, Menace,” She paused as she adjusted Buddy to sit on her hip, “Come on, just give it a chance, please?” She asked.

“Don’t have a choice,” You grumbled under your breath as you slowly climbed out of the car and stood there with your hands shoved in your pocket while you looked further unimpressed, “Are you sure I can’t come tonight? Nobody would even notice I was there, it’ll be fine!”

“No,” Leah kept a firm face as she slammed the car door shut behind you, locking her BMW before starting to walk up the steps of Jordan’s house, who had already clocked the car and came to answer the front door, “Bubba, look it is!”

“Mama! Mama!” Buddy immediately leaned towards Jordan the minute that she clocked her and you couldn’t help but dawdle behind with a scowl etched on your face.

“Hi, Buddy!” Jordan exclaimed, reaching out to scoop Buddy into her own arms as she hugged her gently, “I’ve missed you so so much!”

“Mama you’re silly, you saw me yesterday!” Buddy’s giggles were infectious as she reminded Jordan that she did indeed see her yesterday, having it be your favourite little buddy’s birthday yesterday when she finally turned 2 years old.

“Oh of course I did but I miss you all the time,” Jordan retorted playfully as she tickled Buddy under her armpits which caused the 2 year old to laugh even more, “Or is that not allowed now?”

“Where Blu?” The 2 year old asked eager to see the little four legged dachshund and you must admit that you’ve been excited to see him if anything else.

“He’s inside the house and he’s so excited to see you both,” Jordan told the toddler, placing her down on the ground before she toddles inside the house, “Hiya, little one!”

“Don’t call me that,” You said like the words are venomous to you in that moment.

“Oh, sorry,” Jordan was immediately apologetic as she shared a concerned look with Leah, “It’s so great to have you both here, I, er, I didn’t think you would come.” She admitted, scratching the back of her neck awkwardly.

“Yeah well I didn’t want to be here, but well, I wasn’t given much choice about it regardless,” You grumbled the truth and continued with your carefree attitude you have going on.

“Monkey, don’t be rude,” Leah chided you for your lack of manners, giving you a pointed look.

“What? I’m just being truthful!” You mumbled, shrugging your shoulders carelessly, “I told you I would come but I didn’t say I’d be nice about things.” You added, honestly.

Leah pursed her lips and narrowed her eyebrow, “Hey, come on. We talked about this.”

“Be grateful I’m even here,” You murmured in response, choosing to have more interest with your phone in your hand than to look between the two old, “Cos’ I really don’t wanna be.”

“Enough of this,” Leah scolded you, “This is Jord’s home and you need to at least be respectful of that, regardless whether you want to be here or not, okay? I don’t want to hear about you being rude this time that you’re here!”

“Ugh, whatever,” You brushed past the older women inside the house with your hood up and slumped down on the sofa.

“Look Monkey it’ Blu!” Buddy motioned to the small dachshund puppy that you hadn’t seen in a good while and you did have to admit that you missed him an awful lot.

“Hi boy! Hi!” You crouched down and gave the puppy some fuss, “Oh, I have missed you!”

“I’m sorry about her,” Leah apologised for your rude behaviour, “She’s just… well she’s a teenager for a start and she’s still not exactly handling it well that you’re not just five minutes down the road now.”

“That’s okay, I know what she’s like. Monkey’s stubborn and if she doesn’t want to do something then she won’t, will she?” Jordan retorted, exhaling a sigh, “She really didn’t want to come that bad, huh?”

The blonde bit her bottom lip and shook her head, “I’m sorry Jord, but I’m sure things will get better. You just have to give it time and be patient with her, even if it’s difficult.”

“Don’t be, it’s fine,” Jordan replied, smiling at her ex girlfriend, “I can understand if she’s still upset about me moving to Aston Villa, I guess it’s just a lot to handle for her, huh?”

Leah shared a weary smile with her ex girlfriend, “If it gets too much then let me know and I’ll have a word with her, because despite how she feels, she’s not allowed to be rude.” She made her point evidently clear.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Jordan reassured Leah with a soft smile, “You deserve to have the night off and enjoy your party tonight, don’t worry about either of the kids, they’ll be fine.”

“It's not so much Buddy I’m worried about, it’s more so Monkey,” Leah admitted, shaking her head as she jiggled her car keys in her hand, “I’ve already dealt with both her delightful attitude and language before we left the house and she knows I’m not putting up with it.”

“Oh, bad morning?” Jordan winced in response, “I had no idea moving to another club would have this much effect on her.” She admitted, ultimately regretting the decision there at that very moment.

“It’s a change and Monkey doesn’t cope with them but she’ll get used to it, Jord,” Leah reassured her ex girlfriend, “It just means things around the house are a little bit tense right now, but she’ll get used to it soon enough.”

“But in the meantime you get the brunt of her delightful teenage attitude? That’s not right,” Jordan frowned, hating the idea of you taking most of your anger out on the blonde, “I’m sorry you're having to deal with that.”

“It’s alright, I totally expected it honestly,” Leah admitted as she exhaled a sigh, “It won’t last forever and she knows I won’t stand for it, I was this close to grounding her after she swore at me earlier.” She adds, her patience wearing thin for your lovely words directed towards her.

“Understandable,” Jordan smiled wearily as she scratched the back of her neck, “I don’t have much hope to fix everything in an instant but I can at least try my hardest.” She tells her.

“Just don’t give up on her,” Leah told her as she shared a knowing look with Jordan as she popped her head into the living room and smiled when she saw you’ve joined Buddy on the floor to give Blu some fuss, “Seems just like old times, eh?” She joked, gesturing for Jordan to look in the living room.

“I swear I have a photo identical to this taken last year,” Jordan joked lightly as she moved further into the living room, “I was thinking that we could have pasta for dinner tonight? Monkey, I know it’s one of your favourites… unless it’s changed?” She asked, hesitant for the backlash from you.

“No thanks, I’m not hungry,” You respond politely as you could while seeing the warning luck that Leah is giving you in case you comment something less polite.

“Monkey, you didn’t eat much for breakfast nor did you have anything for lunch,” Leah frowned and shook her head, “You love pasta, especially the way Jord makes it!”

“Not hungry,” You repeated with a tight lipped smile on your face, going back to staring at your phone in your hand and scrolling through Instagram.

“That’s okay,” Jordan agreed with you, “I’ll go ahead and start to make it, I’ll leave some out for you in case you decide you're a bit hungry.” She told you, although you doubt you would want to eat it.

“Right then,” Leah spoke up as she looked towards both you and Buddy, “I’m going to head off back home to get ready, I’ll leave you three to it.”

“Thanks, Le,” Jordan replied, smiling at her ex, “I hope you enjoy your party tonight and celebrate.”

“Oh I intend too,” Leah couldn’t help but grin playfully at her ex, “Much better to know that the girls are both here with you as well.” She added.

“They’re safe with me,” Jordan promised, “Enjoy your party and don’t worry about things here, it’ll be fine.”

“Here’s hoping so– Monkey, be good!” Leah warned, pointing her index finger directly at you, “Remember what I said.”

“Yeah, yeah,” You murmured, rolling your eyes.

“Mummy, wait for me. I didn’t say bye to you!” Buddy came rushing over to Leah and threw her little arms around her.

“Oh how could I leave without saying bye to my little bubba?” Leah leaned down and cupped Buddy’s face in her hands before she peppered her face with kisses, “Be good for your Mama, okay? I love you lots and lots!”

“Love ‘ou lots and lots, Mummy!” Buddy told her, continuing to hug Leah tightly.

“Not as much as I love you, my little bubba,” Leah genuinely smiled at the 2 year old before she turned her attention to you as she walked nearer to where you sat on the sofa, “And I love you too, my grumpy girl.” she told you, placing a kiss on your forehead, much to your own protest about it.

“Leah man, get off,” You grumbled, trying to swat her hand away from touching you, “Bye!”

Leah and Jordan shared another apprehensive look with one another, “Don’t worry, I’ve got it under control here. I’ll text you if anything bad happens,” Jordan reassured her, “Enjoy the night, honestly.”

“Okay, okay,” The blonde exhaled a sigh and runs her hand through her hair, “I’ll have my phone with me the whole time, so you can still text me if you need too,” She said, looking more towards you to reassure you that you can still get in touch with her if needed.

“Prepared to be spammed with gifs,” You murmured, a mischievous glint in your eye as you don’t even bother to look up from your phone in your hand, “Can’t say I didn’t warn you either.” You added.

“Mama! Mama!” Buddy’s voice was the centre of conversation with Jordan as the two of them played together on the carpet in front of you with some of the cars that your favourite little buddy brought from home, “Me cars’ red like Mummy’s team!”

Jordan’s eyes lit up in amazement as she smiled at the 2 year old, “That’s right, clever girl! What colour is this car?” She wondered, holding up the dark blue coloured car.

“Blue!” Buddy retorted, excitedly, “Like, not Mummy’s team!” She added.

“Well done, Buddy,” Jordan praised the toddler, “You’re getting more and more smart every day, kiddo!” She told her.

You couldn’t help but sit there and roll your eyes. You didn’t care much to contribute to the conversation Jordan and Buddy were having, you would much rather be interested to sit on your phone like you planned to do, at least your TikTok page was a good distraction.

“Alright, I should probably start dinner soon,” Jordan said, realising the time on the clock on the wall, moving to get up from the floor as she looked at you, “Will you please keep an eye on Buddy for me while I sort that out?” She asked.

Glancing up from your phone, you couldn’t help but huff and place it beside you, “Yeah whatever, but not for you though, I’m only doing it for Buddy,” You told her, bluntly as possible.

“Oh, yeah that’s fine,” Jordan responded, swallowing the lump that formed in her throat as she tries to not feel too hurt by that comment but the reality of it was that it really bothered her - You used to be so close with her, you would follow her around like a little shadow and not you want nothing to do with her at all, it really stung.

“Monkey, will ‘ou play with me?” Buddy’s little voice chirped as she peered up to look at you with hopeful eyes, “We build lego!”

“How can I say no to my favourite little buddy?” A small small appeared on your face as you slid off the sofa to join Buddy on the floor, she had all but completely abandoned her cars she was previously playing with in favour of the lego bricks that she attempted to drag over from the corner of the room, “Too heavy, Monkey!” She whines in frustration.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got them, Bud,” You giggled and stood up to easily move and pick up the lego bricks, “See? They’re not that heavy, you just needed a strong big sister to lift them up,” You joked with her.

“Thank ‘ou!” Buddy squealed and immediately dived into the box to start pulling out the different colourful lego bricks, “Monkey, ‘ou start with this one and I start with this one!” She declared, handing you a green block.

“Why can’t I have the one you have?” You asked playfully, pointing to the red block that she had in her hands, “I prefer that one.”

“No, that’s my block. ‘Ou have the green one!” Buddy’s little voice demands firmly, pushing the green block back into your hand, “I like red better!”

“Of course you do,” You retorted, grinning in amusement, “What colour is North London, Buddy?”

“Red!” Buddy declared loudly.

“Ain’t that right, Bud!” You nodded in agreement, “Guess I can agree to stick with the green block just for you.” You added, shrugging your shoulders as the two of you start to build together.

However that didn’t stop the two of you squabbling about the rest of the blocks though.

“What’s going on in here then?” Jordan popped her head round the door as she heard the commotion coming from the living room, “I thought you two would be playing nicely in here, eh?”

“Mama!” Buddy’s lower lip trembled a little, her big eyes filling up with frustration, “Monkey’s not sharing and letting me the ‘ellow block!” She whined, pointing accusingly at you.

“You're such a tattletale sometimes,” You rolled your eyes, feeling the frustration building inside of you, “You wanted me to play with you, Buddy! How am I supposed to build something if you keep taking them all?” You argued, crossing your arms over your chest defensively.

Jordan sighed and knelt down to the toddlers level, “Buddy, you know if you want Monkey to play with you then you have to share,” She reminded her, “Even if you like the certain coloured blocks.”

“But you don’ understand Mama, I like them ones. Monkey can have others!” Buddy pouted, clearly not liking the answer, “My blocks!” She declared, keeping a tight hold of them.

“Whatever, I don’t care,” You remarked, feeling your own frustration simmering as you do no more than push the tower over that Buddy’s been building in anger, “Oops.”

“M’ Tower!” Buddy’s whined, her upset clearly evident as the tears began to form in her big eyes, her lower lip quivering, “Monkey, ‘ou ruined it!”

“Oh well,” You shrugged carelessly and sidestepped over it to make your way back to sit on the sofa again.

“Monkey!” Jordan’s eyes widened in disbelief at your current attitude, especially towards your favourite little buddy of all people before she was quick to scoop the upset 2 year old onto her lap, “Hey, it’s okay, Buddy. We can just build it again, yeah?” She reassured her, hoping to calm the situation.

Buddy continued to sob and cling to Jordan, “I no wan’ build with Monkey, she’s a meany!”

You couldn’t lie and say that didn’t hurt your feelings because it definitely did to hear it out of the toddlers’ mouth even if she didn’t quite understand the words that she was saying.

“It’s just a tower,” You muttered, rolling your eyes as you turned your attention back to your phone in your hand again to scroll through your social media feeds, “It’s not a big deal.” You added, feeling a tiny bit guilty for upsetting the toddler.

Jordan exhaled a sigh and continued to cradle an upset Buddy in her arms as she turned her attention towards you to address the situation, “Hey, little one–”

“Don’t call me that!” You snapped at her, feeling so much hatred towards the woman in that very moment, “I’m not your little one anymore. You of all people don’t get to call me that!”

Jordan’s face fell, the weight of your words hitting her like a punch to the gut. You watched her blink a few times, trying to process the sting of your outburst while still holding Buddy close.

“Okay,” The woman said quietly, her voice trembling slightly but still calm, “Look, I know you’re upset right now and I’m sorry li– Monkey, I am, but regardless of that, it’s not okay to upset Buddy like you did,” She told her, her tone gentle but still firm.

“Whatever, I don’t care,” You muttered, not having any interest in this conversation with Jordan at that moment, “You can’t tell me what to do either, you don’t get the right to do that anymore!”

“I know,” Jordan mumbled, exhaling a sigh as she knows that you’re really upset with her and she’s not going to push you to talk to her, “Right, Buddy. How about you come with me into the kitchen while Mama cooks dinner and that way we can give Monkey a bit of space, yeah?”

“Uh huh,” Buddy sniffled and nodded, her little face still wet with tears as she was reluctant to let go of Jordan anytime soon with her arms wrapped firmly around the older woman.

“Come on then,” Jordan murmured softly, standing up with the toddler in her arms as she casted one more glance in your direction, her expression a mixture of concern and sadness, “Take the time you need to calm down, Monkey. If you need me then we’ll be in the kitchen.” She added, before turning towards the kitchen.

“I won’t,” You stated coldly, although you couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt tugging at your chest, but you did your best to shove it down and turn your attention back to your phone.

Had you really meant to come across that horrible?

The frustration you felt was evident and you had to remember that Jordan left you, one of the people that used to be a constant source of comfort and support and now she was just gone, but it was her own fault for leaving when she did, so maybe she did deserve the resentment you were showing towards her after all.

You were even more reluctant to join them for dinner, even if pasta was your favourite dinner sometimes but you were too stubborn to give in.

You were somewhat glad that Jordan seemed to sense that you didn’t want to be bothered and didn’t start up another conversation with you, at least until it came time to put Buddy to bed later that night.

“I’m about to go and put Buddy to bed,” Jordan said after coming back through the living room with the toddler ready for bed in fresh pajamas and wet hair from the bath.

You did have to admit that it hurt a little bit when the toddler didn’t reach towards like she usually did, but you suppose that you were mean when you pushed her tower over.

“Okay, have fun with that,” You muttered, continuing to give her the cold shoulder.

Jordan adjusted Buddy in her arms, “Maybe after that, we could sit and watch a film? You still like Shrek, don’t you?” She offers, hoping to start an olive branch from that.

“Not in the mood,” You murmured, reluctant to look up your phone where you currently had previously been spamming Leah with gifs like you had promised, you were so gutted you weren’t old enough to be there in the club with everyone else and had to be stuck here instead with Jordan.

“For Shrek?” Jordan questioned, tilting her head to the side in shock, “Oh, I never thought I’d see the day. Alright, how about one of those Marvel films? I remember you used to absolutely love–”

“No,” You interjected, scowling at her menacingly, “I don’t want to watch a movie with you, and I don’t want to talk about the past either. You left, remember? That’s on you!”

“Oh, uh well then that’s alright,” Jordan stammered, lost for words in that current moment, “Um, I’m just gonna go and put Buddy to bed then.” She added, quick to escape to the safe haven of the toddlers’ bedroom and leave you to sulk in the living room.

You felt a pang of guilt but then you remembered that Jordan brought this on herself. She’s the one that left you, it wasn’t the other way around.

She deserves to be treated this way.

You weren’t left to stew in your thoughts for very long before Jordan wandered back through into the living room, you hoped that she might just leave you to it but you were sadly mistaken with that as she came to join you on the sofa as she grabbed a hold of the remote and turned the TV on to find something decent to watch.

You were fine enough to not have to speak to her while you just continued to sit there on your phone, you suppose you could have gone and sat in your bedroom but that just felt a bit lonely.

It was awkward though for the two of you just sat in a tense silence before Jordan was the first to start up a conversation, “Monkey,” The woman began to speak as she looked towards you, “Do you, uh, do you think we could talk?” She questioned, hesitantly.

Exhaling a deep sigh, you didn’t break eye contact from your phone at all, “I have nothin’ to say to you,” You murmured bluntly, continuing to scroll your Instagram stories. You had seen several private stories of the girls at Leah’s birthday party tonight and you can’t help but be envious that you couldn’t be there instead.

“Okay, well how about you just listen and I talk then instead?” Jordan suggested, wearily as she muted the TV show she’d stuck on, “Look, I know that things have been tough since I transferred to Aston Villa, but you have to understand I did it for the right reasons.”

“You left,” You sneered at her, cold and heartlessly.

Why couldn’t you be at Leah’s party instead of being stuck here in this current situation?

It wasn't fair!

Speaking of the blonde, she had sent you a delightful text that you somewhat made sense off right at the moment.

captain buzzkill 🙄🫡 Hi my cheeky monkeey! 🐒 I hoep you’re not causin any trouble for jord and pease don’t give her a hard time. she loves you so mcuh and I love you so mcuh. lots and lots like jelly tots my girl 💕💕 I’ll see you tomorrrow xxx

You couldn’t help but giggle at the state of her text message, it was very clear that she was very drunk already by the lack of words spelled correctly but it was nice then even when she was out partying and having a good time, she still thought about you and checked in to make sure you were okay throughout.

“What’s so funny?” Jordan questioned, curiously as she peered up from looking at her own phone.

“Nothin’ just something one of the girls sent me from college,” You lied to her, not wanting to tell her it was actually Leah.

Jordan hummed in agreement, “Oh right,” She paused, “Hey, do you uh, do you want to have a game of Fifa?” She suggested another attempt to try and make amends.

“No I’m good,” You were quick to agree.

“That’s okay,” Jordan replied, sounding disheartened.

You huffed and stood up from the sofa, “I don’t want to play video games, I don’t want to watch anything and I certainly don’t want to talk to you,” You told her bluntly, not giving her the chance to speak again, “I’m going to bed,” With that, you made your quick escape down the hallway to your bedroom that you had here.

Although you didn’t make a direct beeline for your bedroom, instead crept quietly inside the toddlers’ bedroom, “Buddy?” You whispered quietly, praying that she wasn’t already asleep.

“Monkey?” Buddy’s little head popped up from her cot with her dummy bobbing gently in her mouth as her eyes lit up when she saw you, before she reached her arms out.

A small smile tugged at your lips, a sense of relief washing over you that she still wanted you despite the way you had acted earlier, “Yeah, it’s just me,” You murmured softly, leaning over the bars of the cot to scoop her up gently.

Making sure to grab Buddy’s blanket, you wrapped it around her to keep her warm, before sitting down with her in the rocking chair, “I wanted to say sorry for upsetting you earlier.”

“Ou’ were mean,” Buddy mumbled, her words muffled by her dummy still in her mouth as she nuzzled her head against your chest, “Ou’ broke the tower.”

“I’m sorry I did that,” You whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as you felt the guilt of earlier weighing heavily, “That was really mean of me to do it and I didn’t mean to get so angry about things either.”

“Ou’ mean to Mama too,” Buddy said, her eyes peering up at you with quiet sadness, “Ou’ made Mama sad. Don’ like Mama sad.”

Your breath caught in your throat at her words, “I know,” You murmured softly, your fingers gently running through her soft curls, “It’s just… You wouldn’t really understand it, Buddy. It’s complicated.”

Buddy nuzzled closer, the rhythmic sound of your heartbeat soothing her, but words still echoed in your mind. You didn’t want to upset anyone, least of all your favourite little buddy, “I don’t want to ever upset you, Buddy. Do you forgive me?” You asked, your voice filled with hope.

“I forgive ‘ou, Monkey,” Buddy replied softly, her tiny arms wrapping around you in a forgiving embrace, “Ou’ have to be nice to Mama too!”

You couldn’t help but smile at her innocence, though her words stung a little, “Yeah, I’ll try, Bud,” You murmured, gently rocking her as you stared out into the dimly lit room, “Things are just a bit tricky at the minute for me to do that, but I’ll try.”

It was easier said than done and you know there’s still a long way to go before you are willing to accept the apology any time soon, but at least Buddy seemed satisfied enough with your answer as her little hand gripped your shirt and continued to rest her head against your chest.

“I love you, Buddy,” You whispered, pressing another soft kiss to the top of her head, “You’re the best little sister I could ever wish for.”

The comfort of your embrace lulling Buddy to sleep in your arms, her breath slow and steady against you and for a moment, the weight of everything seemed to lift, feeling the connection that only you two shared.

What you didn’t realise was that Jordan had overheard the entire conversation through the baby monitor that you forgot was still in Buddy’s bedroom. Her heart melted at the tender conversation between you and Buddy, and although she understood that you were seriously upset with her, it left her with some hope that just maybe, things between you both would be okay eventually one day.

You hadn’t expected to wake up in a panic like you did, you felt as if your heart was racing and your breath was quickened. Looking around the dimly lit, unfamiliar room, your surroundings felt too large, too cold and you didn’t like it at all.

Disorientated, you threw your duvet off you as it felt like you needed to escape from it.

Of course you had another nightmare, typically, it was about both of your biological parents this time round. You guess your mum leaving you had been on your mind lately, overshadowing Jordan’s absence in your life now, it brought up a whole lot of unwanted feelings, all over again.

Making your way into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water, you succeed with that task until you take a misstep, tripping over one of Blu’s toys in the process and go flying, the glass falling out of your hands and smashing into pieces on the floor.

“Monkey?” Jordan’s voice spoke softly, appearing in the kitchen as her concern was evident, “It’s late. What’re you doin’ up at this time?”

Standing there frozen in the kitchen staring at the shattered glass on the floor until the woman’s voice broke you out of your trance, “Uh, I… I just wanted to grab a glass of water. I tripped over Blu’s toy and it fell out of my hands,” You admitted, looking around to spot the dustpan and brush, “I’ll clean it up now.”

Jordan shook her head in disagreement and was careful to not step directly in the glass, “Careful, you’ll get glass in your feet,” She told you, moving to grab the dustpan and brush out of the cupboard where it’s kept, “Stay there and let me sweep it up, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to do that. I’m really sorry!” The tired state you were in overshadowed the anger you felt towards the older woman, immediately apologetic for what had happened due to past childhood trauma.

“Hey it’s okay, it’s just a glass,” Jordan reassured you, finishing sweeping up the broken glass and dumping it in the bin, “Do you want me to get you another drink?” She questioned, turning to look at you.

“No it’s okay, I… I’m just gonna go back to bed,” You murmured, shaking your head and turning in the direction to head back down the hallway to your bedroom without another word.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Jordan’s words made you snap your head back around and glare at her, “Was that the reason that you’re awake?”

“No,” You growled at her, not wanting to talk about things as you started to wake up and were more aware of the conversation you were having with the woman.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jordan offered you, evident concern in her voice.

“No, not with you I don’t,” You snapped, continuing to scowl at her, “You… You abandoned me as well when things got tough!”

Jordan frowned and shook her head, “Monkey, I haven’t abandoned you. I’m still here,” She paused, “I know it’s hard to understand that, but look, I’m still here, even if it might not seem like it right now.”

“Yes you did!” You shouted, pointing your index finger directly at her, “Yes you did!” You repeated.

“Hey, please keep your voice down,” Jordan reminded you, her tone gentle but still firm, “Buddy’s asleep, remember? I don’t want you waking her up.”

You couldn’t help scoffing and rolling your eyes, “Oh of course you only care about that.”

“I care about you too, little one–” Jordan began to tell you.

“You don’t get to call me that anymore, you left me!” You interjected, your voice a bit louder than you realised it was.

“I’m still here, Monkey,” Jordan murmured, trying to get through to you.

“No you’re not!” You exclaimed, shaking your head in disagreement, “You left, you’re just… you’re just like them!”

“Monkey–” Jordan began to speak in a calm tone of voice.

“Mama,” The conversation was broken up by Buddy waking up, making her upset well known.

Jordan exhaled a sigh, “I’m going to take care of Buddy and try to get her back to sleep,” She paused, running her hands through her hair, “Try and get some sleep, kid. Just know I’ll always be here for you,” With that, she walked past you to head into Buddy’s room and you are once again left feeling bad for waking up your favourite little buddy.

Could you really ever forgive her for just abandoning you in the way she did?

Right now, it really didn’t seem possible for that to happen at all, but maybe time will tell eventually.

#monkey #double the trouble fic #leah williamson x reader #jordan nobbs x reader #woso x reader #woso one shot #arsenal wfc x reader #arsenal x reader #arsenal women x reader #scribblesofagoonerr #buddy #chaos fc reader #separate reader

264 notes · View notes

herejusttosufferalong · 3 months ago

Note

Preface: I am still ultimately sat at the WH, will die in my delulu (after today’s vid, how could you NOT?), etc..

I am seeing so many theories lately that I just can’t get on board with no matter how hard I try. I want to check in with others who see things as I do AND affirm that there is hope even for those of us who think the waffles are currently tasting a little burnt.

Here’s what I believe:

I think L and A are still together. His mom liked her post today (a first?). I think he was in Cyprus and I think those are his Birks. I know we think the girl is desperate, but it would be truly nuts/pathetic for her to post pics from the Italy vacay we all know they went on together if they were broken up. ANYONE would have more pride than that. Also, I’d recognize her “I’m with Luke” smirk anywhere.

I also think N and J are more than friends. There are too many things that add up from the summer: sightings, songs, clothes, follows, etc.. I don’t think it’s serious, but I think it’s romantic.

HOWEVER. I am undeterred. Absolutely nothing we have seen from either relationship suggests L or N has a sliver of the chemistry, ease, or backstory with their current adjacent that L and N have with each other. L and N are attractive, loving people. They are going to seek out partners if they are otherwise unattached; at the very least, people are going to be drawn to them. I firmly believe they are in a game of chicken with each other. For all their charisma, they both have a shy, timid side. Neither wants to stick their neck out and make the move. But someone’s going to eventually give in. Being with these randos will only make the connection L and N feel upon reuniting, acting together again, kissing each other again, all the more undeniable.

So shoutout to my cynics/realists! We are true believers too! September, here we come.

Biding time, waiting for the right moment

#this is all opinion #merely speculating #💜🥃

190 notes · View notes

hellothisisangle · 25 days ago

Note

I found your Tumblr recently and omg I love your art style., it's so inspiring :D I just subscribed to your patreon because I need more haha.

I was wondering if you have any tips for colouring your artwork?

Thanks so much for the extra support! I’ll go into rendering a face with a reference pic below (because I think that’s what people practice/look at the most) with an absolutely quick and dirty breakdown

I already incorporate the heaviest shadows into my lineart a lot of the time, but I still have to think about shading where the light hits when coloring happens

Since this is coming from top right, the left half of his face will also be heavily shadowed. Understanding 3d planes and how it affects a shadow assists with getting lighting down correctly. I’ve outlined the obvious quadrants that I’ll typically shade with the darkest color. But before that you have to lay down a flat, a color I grabbed from the front of Gortie’s cheek- I think this is a very mid tone. Using a mid tone first is how I think most everyone colors/shades. I can’t say this is how I always do it, sometimes I like to work dark to light, sometimes I start coloring from the top or bottom or side, it depends on what feels good and I get distracted very easily. If I rewatch my timelapses I can see where I got bored of an area for a while and jump somewhere else/come back later

If I know I want to fully render something I don’t bother with cell shading. Not saying this is a good practice, in fact don’t do this until you have lighting practice under your belt.

Colors- go with the reference picture and grab colors from the areas of the face that you’re shading, but increase or decrease the saturation as needed

Forehead- I darken the hairline and add shadows for the loose strands of hair. This is something simple I’ve found elevates the 3d aspect

Eyes- look at eye makeup tutorials, no joke. It’ll show you where to add highlights to make the eyes pop. This is a stylistic choice, but I like my characters looking like they walked out of Sephora. I’ll give them eyeshadow and add a highlight to the upper lid and the inner tear trough. For the actual iris I shade really simply just making the lower part brighter than the top

Nose- bring the bridge forward with the lightest color, add a shine to the tip, darken the side and carry that to the cheek

Lips- upper lip dark, lower lip not, add a shine, I dunno what else to say about this sorry 💧

Chin- shade under the lip and bring the shadow down in a crescent shape

Everything else is sticking to the personal character’s features, like shading his cheekbone and laugh line. I also add a blush tone over the cheeks and nose (again stylistic)

Link to Timelapse: https://youtube.com/shorts/q7E-g05W0m4?si=shZFpHQwNuyO6Qt1

youtube

I’ll try to do an actual infographic later when I have time because I keep getting asked about coloring. Just know that I’m still learning new stuff every day and these things should be taken as a “this is what I’m doing now” sort of thing!

#ask #tutorial

145 notes · View notes

lovelytsunoda · 8 months ago

Text

spill the wine // lance stroll

summary: honeymooning with the hutchence-strolls. capri will always hold a special place in y/n's heart.

pairing: lance stroll x hutchence!reader

part two of the welcome to wherever you are verse

author's note: i'm so glad that you guys loved the first part of the welcome to wherever you are verse! i was so excited to make this into a series, combining two of my current hyperfixations. i hope that the first part was enough to make some of you curious about the life and times of my favourite aussie rock band. for people who are looking to learn more, i recommend watching the channel seven drama 'never tear us apart', starring luke arnold as micheal hutchence. it's two episodes, each of them an hour and a half that takes a look into the rise and fall of inxs. arnold's protrayal of micheal was beautifully done (and i love alex williams as kirk).

y/n.hutchence just posted to her private story!

y/n.hutchence just posted (private)

island of capri, italy.

tagged: lancestroll

liked by lancestroll, officialinxs, yourbestie and 130 others.

y/n.hutchence as my father once said, 'spill the wine, kiss that girl."

see all comments

jonfarriss first of all those aren't the real words, and your father didn't actually write spill the wine

-> y/n.hutchence jon why do you have to be right all the time huh?

-> jonfarriss you also know that song is about being on five different kinds of illegal drugs?

-> andrewfarriss he's being annoying because he cares. make smart choices, kiddo!

-> y/n.hutchence andrew have you ever known me not to make the smart choice? i'm living the sober girlie lifestyle here

yourbestie looking good sunshine!!!remember to send me pics, I need to pretend I don’t work a nine to five!

lancestroll wow I can’t decide what’s more beautiful: the scenery or my wife (jokes on you guys, it’s my wife)

-> y/n.hutchence 🥺🥺

kirkpengilly nice to see alcatraz hasn’t changed

-> y/n.hutchence of course you hated it...you hate the beach, the sand, the water, the sun

-> kirkpengilly i do not

-> laynebeachley sweetie she is right.

lancestroll just added to his story

lancestroll just posted!

island of capri, italy

tagged: y/n.hutchence

liked by y.n/hutchence, kirkpengilly, astonmartinf1 and 4,567 others

lancestroll honeymooning with the hutchence-strolls

see all comments

astonmartinf1 are lemons supposed to be that big?

-> y/n.hutchence arent they awesome?

estebanocon why do you have to add 'with the hutchence-strolls' to everything?? 'easter with the hutchence-strolls' 'cook chicken gyros with the hutchence strolls' its EXHAUSTING. watch you guys make a sex tape and call it 'making babies with the hutchence-strolls'

-> kirkpengilly they'd better not! y/n i will resurrect your father and have him talk some sense into you

-> y/n.hutchence kirky calm down!! there is NO sex tape!

user y/n is so stunning! europe looks good on her

yourbestie i held my tongue at the wedding but she has been so fucking happy since you guys got married and if you hurt her i will give you HELL to PAY

-> lancestroll don't worry, she's in good hands. she's my reason to get up every morning, my reason to smile. i have never felt more alive than i do when she is next to me

garrygarybeers huh i actually think capri has gotten nicer since 1993

mickschumacher why do your legs look so long in the first picture

-> lancestroll thanks mick, now that you've pointed it out i can never unsee it smh

y/n.hutchence just posted (private)

liked by yourbestie, yourmom, lancestroll and 278 others

y/n.hutchence take my breath away

see all comments

lancestroll it was an honor to experience the grotto with you, my wife

-> y/n.hutchence the view was pretty, but you were prettier, my husband

yourbestie consider my mind BLOWN. things like these just exist in nature???

timfarriss now why didn't we go here when we were recording the album again? this place would have inspired the crap out of us. your dad would have loved it.

fernandoalonso ah yes, the grotto. fond memories of skinny dipping there

-> lancestroll ew why did you think i needed to know that

-> y/n.hutchence i second that

(next part)

TAGS:

@magnummagnussen @libraryofloveletters @clemswrld @httpiastri @cartierre @lorarri @thatsdemko @sidcrosbyspuck

#lance stroll x reader #formula one x reader #lance stroll smau #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #ig aus #formula 1 x reader #formula one x you #f1 pov #f1 smau #Spotify #wtwya verse

168 notes · View notes

its-your-mind · 1 year ago

Text

Some Thoughts on the importance of physical touch and connection for the Hells: A reflection on the new animated intro.

In general, I think the Hells are a really strange and special group, especially for a dnd party. They pretty much laid all their baggage on the table within the first week of meeting each other (What the Fuck is Up With That?) almost as a litmus test: "hey, here's all the shit that comes with being me, last chance to run away if that's too much."

and none of them did. and they all kept choosing to stay, even as shit got even weirder and more and more disturbing answers came to light. I think that continued choice from all of them - to stay - is what makes the bonds between the Hells so deep and so special.

okay trauma analysis and party dynamics is a DIFFERENT POST but it was all RELEVANT INTRODUCTION bc the CHOOSING TO STAY and the KNOWING EACH OTHERS' SHIT are like. key components to understanding why I am so feral about this. okay hopefully you will understand. the body of my essay is below. it has pictures. it got... too long. so. it went under a read more. yw. anyway click below if you want a very detailed analysis of an animated intro that is literally only one minute and thirty seconds long

For the first bit, character intros for Fearne, Orym, Imogen, Ashton, there’s no physical contact.

BUT. First intro of hells as a team. Ashton Trauma Flashback interrupted by laudna approaching slowly from beside him with her hand gently in front of him to signal her presence without startling him, and THEN just talking at them. Bringing him out of those flashbacks. Reminding him where he is and who he’s with.

And tbh? For Ashton? Touch is always iffy, so this is almost a more understanding and kind way to bring them out of the flashback. Just physical presence is good! UNLESS. (unless) first actual touch. Fearne stealing their coin purse, so gently that they don’t even notice it (FLIRTING THROUGH THEFT callowmoore my beloved)

(also grabbed the cap that shows her with his coinpurse these fucking ANIMATORS)

okay pt 2 FLYING OFF THE AIRSHIP

Ashton's first instinct and priority is grab laudna’s hand bc he KNOWS she is made of paper mache and he is ALWAYS watching out for her out of the corner of his eye bc she is breakable and he’s not gonna let her break bc he KNOWS what it’s like to be breakable and need someone to catch you when you’re falling but ANYWAY. he grabs her he uses his hammer as a fulcrum to throw her at Imogen

because OF COURSE he knows that the safest and most comfortable space for laudna is in imogen’s arms. and the two of them wrap their arms around each other and hold tight Superman style bc ofc they do and once laudna is in imogen’s arms she’s absolutely delighted by this whole situation bc OFC SHE IS

(tf do you mean I can’t add more than ten images on mobile UGH fine I’ll finish writing then draft and move to PC the images are IMPORTANT TO MY POINT anyway insert lesbians here) (note from future mind: I have decided that these pic descriptions i left for myself to grab the right images are fucking hilarious so they’re staying in yw)

Then fearne (who had been on her way in that direction already) swoops under Ashton to catch him as he flips over from the momentum so he can land on her giant bird back and she can fly him away.

(Pics: It’s fine to touch Ash if you’re saving their life)

(also not pictured: chet staying on the ship but losing his hat, orym grabbing it out of the air, imogen casting fly on fcg right before she catches laudna, fcg flying over to grab orym) All of this happens in six seconds by the way. One round of combat. These animators are fucking incredible.

BACK TO CHARACTER INTROS laudna who is ofc alone and in the dark at the bottom of the Sun tree, reliving her past…

(Pic: sad lonely laudna)

right up until Imogen puts her head on her shoulder, and the darkness burns away into light. She doesn’t say anything, or talk with laudna - all it takes is that physical reminder that she’s not alone anymore, that there is warmth, that she is surrounded by a family who loves her so much they chose to turn down comfortable beds in a lord’s manor so that they could join her in sleeping at the bottom of the Sun Tree. (Fav lil detail - fearne wrapped around Orym like he’s a teddy bear, and holding tight to laudna’s blanket to make sure she can’t go anywhere.)

(Pics: THE POWER OF LESBIANS AND FOUND FAMILY)

fcg. Fuck. Starts with their flashback, with their red eyes and their buzzsaw, but almost immediately we see Ashton reach out to grab their shoulder and Orym whip out a vine to tie up their saw.

(pics: reaching out even if it might hurt youuuuu)

Imogen goes on her knees and wraps her arms around FCG’s other side, and the rest of them all gather around him, holding him to keep him and each other safe, but mostly just grounding him in the present by surrounding him physically until the flashback fades and he’s once more aware of his surroundings.

(Pics: what the fuck they just need to be held)

(once shit has calmed down fearne uses this opportunity to pick Ashton’s pocket again. Flirting through theft).

(Pic: fearne is a menace to society)

final fight scene. fuck yes.

(Pic: IT’S THURSDAY NIIIIIIIIIIIGHT)

This is mostly just giving all of them room to be badasses (as they deserve) - but there are some things!! First!!

(pics: THESE WITCHES BE BITCHES minus fearne sry fearne we miss u but you are on fire and laudna is made of wood currently)

Imogen and laudna casting spells back to back, trusting each other to take care of what’s on their side. Inseparable, even in a battle where their party has scattered to fight other enemies.

BUT. The BIG thing though in this sequence. Maybe my favorite part? Idk I don’t have a favorite. But!! Orym. taking out four of Otohan’s shadow knights. then facing off against her personally!! And it’s one-on-one, because this was Orym’s task alone - to find the person who attacked his leader and killed his family. He’s angry, but mostly he’s honed-in and focused and determined. This is his mission.

(Pics: WHO’S JUST A LIL GUY NOW HUH)

But then, when Otohan pushes him back…

(Pic: fuck. shit. fuck. im. fine. anYway. them.)

FCG and Ashton are there right behind him, and they put their arms out and catch him so he doesn’t fly back any farther. And there’s this look of surprise on his face, because once he lost Will, he never expected there to be anyone else standing behind him, ready to catch him. And yet, here they are.

(Pics: fuck yes fuck yes fuck yes GOOOO ORYM!!!)

They give Orym a push forward and follow behind him, and he walks back towards Otohan with confidence. Lil grin on his face, brisk walking pace - he even does a little fancy sword swoosh! Because maybe he’s not strong enough to take out Otohan on his own. But the thing is, he’s not alone anymore.

(Pic: THEY.)

None of them are alone. And whenever any of them forget, or slip into old habits and memories, the rest are right there to reach out a hand to remind them.

Building a family out of broken pieces is difficult even without an apocalypse. But the Hells have shown each other, over and over and over, often with their actions even more than their words, that they really are dedicated to this family that they've built together. This intro fucking slaps so hard and the animators deserve so much praise for how incredible this intro is

#Tbh I could (and probably will) write multiple essays on the new intro but this is the one I love the most #no I’m not touch-starved what are you talking about #critical role #bells hells #c3e76 #cr3 #c3 #cr3 spoilers #c3 spoilers #bells hells intro #ashton greymoore #laudna #fearne calloway #imogen temult #fcg #orym of the air ashari #chetney pock o'pea #bells hells animated

312 notes · View notes

fumifooms · 10 months ago

Text

On beastkin tattoos and drawn/written magic

Tried figuring stuff out because I was making a tattooed beastkin oc. Take it or leave it, just a bunch of observations and theorizing. There is a focus on how the tattoos look but I also try to figure out the underlying principles of how they work.

Table of contents:

observations & important details

Stuff that beastkin tattoos look like

Theories

Non-beastkin tattoos

I called the components lines and dents in the pic above, but it’d be more accurate to call them characters I think, or even symbols. At the time I wasn’t sure if it was a specific "alphabet" used for these tattoos and if they represented anything more than lines to the people using it so I called them like dents in a line or teeth in a toothwheels or inner layers in locks, but since I made the connection to magic circles I think they do. It’s the same structure as with magic circles, lines connecting characters and favoring circle structures. All magic iirc comes from calling upon spirits, so it’s interesting to wonder what written magic does exactly, if it communicates with the spirits or simply compels them.

Observations & important details

The picture at the start summarizes my observations and the recurring patterns, but I’ll also do a rundown and add more. The fundamental structure of the tattoos seem to be lines forming big simple patterns, and then small characters that sprout from a side of those lines. Although, not all lines have characters/dents, and some characters have two lines one on both sides like on Lycion’s forearms. On Lycion’s legs, there are also lines with two rows of characters on either sides, so yeah the line & dents are the fundamental structure but it’s flexible on how it’s put into practice.

Oh yeah, also notable that when doing less intricate doodles like on her blog or Daydream Hours, she often omits details so we can’t be sure on the smaller drawings wether there are dents/characters on some lines or not, we have to assume if they’re implied or if there aren’t any. For example on Lycion’s reference all the lines on his forearms have dents, but if you look at the other beastkins it’s honestly debatable wether there are dents on the lines around their forearms and lower legs, also see Otta’s tattoos on her reference…

One of the more important and puzzling details is that beastkin tattoos look very different depending on the soul type, from werebear to wererat etc etc. BUT we also see with Lycion and that random werewolf, that there is room for difference even within the tattoos for the same soul type… Of course, if we don’t assume that those differences aren’t because the type of canine soul are different, since Lycion does mention he doesn’t know which canine type his was so there’s room for variety there apparently. But I doubt that’d change much within the same genus and whatnot, but still, then we have the question… Weretigers’ tattoos look like tiger stripes, and werebears have lines that seem to emphasize a bear’s chest fur? Those two types have a lot of wavy lines that make them look rather different from werewolf and wererat tattoos. Different soul types certainly seem to require different tattoos, but to what degree is the choice of how and where the lines are placed artistic, and to what degree is it efficient if not necessary? What’s the logic of where they need to be, going from one soul type to the next? The weretiger and werebear one seem to have fitting patterns for their animal, but werewolf and wererat have much more artifical patterns.

One of the recurring patterns with similar placements are all the lines forming circles around wrists, forearms, lower legs and ankles… Positions do seem to be important especially with the recurring placings. Maybe the lines are in the places that are expected to change the most: legs and ankles & wrists with new inhuman different joints, strong muscled shoulders for tigers, strong core for bears, etc. A tiger’s eye, with all the tattoos around them…? More lines = an easier stronger more efficient transformation? With the differences in tattoos for same soul types I don’t know how much precision in the pattern themselves are important tbh, though I imagine the characters/dents are the crux of the magic and precision there is the most important. Feet and hands tend to be untouched though, Lycion is the exception to this with tattoos on his hands and fingers. Circles seem overall important imo, lines are almost always curved, or go straight around a limb to reach its other end and form circles that way, werewolf torso tattoos, etc etc.

In Lycion’s ref the tattoo ink is a brownish red, but we don’t see if that’s the norm- is what I would have said before the new Daydream Hour came out with some tattooed elves portraits where they’re a vivid red. Fleki’s tattoos are covered in her main colored reference(and in the mangas all tattoos are black ofc including Lycion’s, while on her blog and Daydream Hours the color is inconsistent and often black too), Otta’s are black though they also seem at least partly non-magical? The snake/rope pattern doesn’t look consistent with magical tattoos in general imo. Pictures of these tattoos are compiled at the end of the post btw.

It’s also important to remember, because of the pic below, we can never truly be sure of what’s necessary for the tattoo to work and what’s just artificial flourish, though with Lycion I feel like it’s implied that there’s nothing in his tattoos trying to hide in the meaning. It’s also interesting to note that magical tattoos can have random patterns added without it interfering with the tattoo’s purpose. Is it the placement that make them harmless, or that they mean nothing in tattoo magic so it’s like an extra useless line of code that doesn’t get processed? Or is it that once your tattoo is done the meaning of it is sealed, and even if you were to fully cover it up in a solid black square of ink it wouldn’t do a thing? No clue, but it’s all very curious.

Other stuff they look like

A buddy pointed out that one of the recurring patterns looks a lot like DNA strands. Maybe the "dents" signify the different base pairs?? Probably verifiably untrue since that’d mean there would only be a few different type of dents, and also if they’re doing DNA sequencing that would be crazy, but doesn’t that just make you wonder… 👀 Tattoos are like a conduit for magic (mana? Which is also a sort of life force) so I do rlly like the idea that beastkin tattoos specialize in and target the DNA in the some way.

We never see the tattoos from up super close, but especially with Lycion’s the "dents"/characters remind me of norse runes a bit. Mostly because of the structure of straight lines and the simplicity of each character as far as I can tell. Runes being used in magic isn’t a new concept so I wouldn’t be surprised if Kui intentionally incorporated them into art/writing-based magic. Culturally it doesn’t fit well in with the elves as much, but a few of them do have old norse names. (And magic tattoos seem to be a very elven thing)

And another buddy also pointed out that with the characters being connected with a line it was reminiscent of the devanagari script. The elves have a good amount of indian coding, with names and some characters having bindis etc etc, so if intentional it’d be quite an interesting detail.

(Source for second one. I couldn’t find handwritten examples where there’s a clear line between characters much)

Oh- and if we continue the train of thought of indian coding, are reminiscent of henna! The brownish red color is especially on point.

Lastly and very much least, drawing lines that separate and denote body parts always remind me of the guidelines for butchers that people often point to and even draw on the animal when cutting. Since this is the cooking manga I wanted to put this in.

Oh yeah! I should mention that some of the tattoos, especially with the wererats and the lines going down the torsos, also remind me of dissection/vivisection scars/lines.

Theories

Magical tattoos are like a conduit for magic, is what is said. In case of beastkin tattoos, that makes me think it’s not that the tattoos are what keeps the extra soul bound to the body but that they’re what allows the human to freely shift between human and beastkin form, unlike Izutsumi who can’t because she doesn’t have tattoos. So thus the souls are merged with or without the tattoos, but the tattoos help control and reign back the extra soul and its influence both on the body and on the mind. Sort of like a seal. The soul is bound by and not bound in the tattoos. Filtering the animal soul out and not in. Close but not exactly the same theory is that the tattoos are what keep the souls separate, and if there weren’t tattoos the souls would just mix. So then the tattoos are less about control and more about separation itself.

But it depends a lot on the angle you look at it with. Like while some think the soul is within the tattoo, I think the soul is within the body but the tattoos help ‘circuit’ and control it. My friend is convinced that it’s the first and theorizes a lot around that, but I plan to mostly talk about my own take here bc I don’t find the arguments compelling personally. (Do prove me wrong if you can /gen)

We know from Lycion explaining the different beastkins that what animal you can merge with is dependent on size and stature, the build of the body, but the line where a body becomes incompatible with an animal is rather blurry. Nimble bodies become werewolves and beefier ones become werebears, and the only prospect for halflings are rats. We do also know that Izutsumi and assumedly a panther bonded just fine. Obviously, a rat and a halfling still aren’t anywhere the same size, so again the line or hard limit is blurry. My take is that this is because the bodies have to shift between human and beastkin, the transformation has to not strain the body too much. If you try to transform a square into a circle, the muscles and skeleton might really struggle to adapt if not even just mess up. Lycion talks about the physical (and mental strains) in the pics below. Beastkins that don’t have tattoos and are permanently fused like Izutsumi might have more of a wriggle room since they don’t have to transform to and back regularly? But yeah if the animal and human bodies aren’t compatible enough maybe the body would collapse, or just be incredibly painful, who knows. It’s a bit terrifying to imagine what the failed soul bindings and shiftings must have been like when developing all this know how of the magic and what does and doesn’t work. Besides height, general size and body type, the amount of fat of a person might matter, like maybe for werebears. Healing and resurrection magic does take fat away from the body so maybe transformations would be a necessary cost on top of the mana? Or just be needed to form muscles, fur, etc? But yes from the examples we saw I feel like maybe werebears need fat, weretigers need musculature, wererats need to be on the nimble side, and then werewolves have loose requirements? More like ideals than requirements, I really doubt a fat wererat is impossible for example.

My main theory is that the tattoos are more about the transformation than binding the soul to the body, right. For example places that have a lot of tattoos and lines circling around limbs are ankles and lower legs, which with animal leg structures would get changed a lot during the transformation, bones and all. So the artistic parts are more about the tattoo artist’s will and about what parts of the animals are important or require more change while shifting, rather than it being a depiction of the soul’s essence or something like that. As support I think the pictures below referring to the physical strain of being a beastkin are relevant.

With this sort of tattoo magic, it’s a gut reaction to think that maybe there’s a special magical ink used. I doubt it, I feel like if the type of ink was a big component of how the magic works Kui would have mentioned it. There are some tattoos that are black like Otta’s iirc, but all the others are generally red so that could be support to that theory. The patterns evidently do matter a lot, so I don’t think it’s implausible that the patterns on their own are enough to fulfill their purpose. There’s also how "[the tattoos] are like a conduit", so I don’t think the tattoos cost or give mana but rather they, well, conduit the mana that’s in the body to be as efficient as possible or to fulfill certain specific tasks, like transforming, / lifting the wall between you and the animal soul bound to you.

Sigh how the hell does tattoo magic even work. "The tattoos are like a circuit" SURE but the symbols have to still mean something right… But then how does adding random patterns to camouflage the tattoos come into play without affecting the meaning, and if there’s an artistic or varying aspect to it and tattoos differ from one individual to the other for the same purpose then maybe it just isn’t a strict magic at all? I do find it fun that we don’t really know the underlying principles of the magic so it’s hard to even know how it activates and whatnot. Going back to tattoos being able to have extra patterns tattooed on top of it without it affecting the performance of the tattoo... But yes I do lean towards the explanation that as long as the extra patterns don’t mean anything they don’t interfere. But like if you just drew a line over the character/symbols/dents would it register that and stop working, or no? The limits are all so blurry… Here’s to hoping the world guide book 2 has info on it!! Readying myself to either get full face slapped or to have "I told you so" bragging rights.

Theoretically, it should be possible to bind two human souls together, or a monster soul. Izutsumi and Lycion’s souls are called feline and canid monsters iirc, but that’s like calling a panther a monster, I wonder if an actual monster from a dungeon’s soul would be more unstable to bind and to shift into… Monsters can leave dungeons, but I wonder about The Demon’s influence on them, like how he’s able to manipulate at will Kensuke, maybe it’s as long as a monster is in a dungeon? That could potentially be sooo bad for the monster beastkin. Wild speculation though, and I imagine being a human-human beastkin would be super extra mega taboo, I wonder if it’s ever even been tried according to elven records. This is the section that was important for my dunmeshi oc lol, evidently I think tattoo magic is very interesting so I want to explore the limits of it with ocs, a tattoo artist trying more and more ambitious projects and soul like a lovecraftian protagonist learning about what should be left unknown, and a dude who really wants to be More Than Human and divine almost with identity issues that decides to take on like 6 different souls. If you’re interested here’s the dude, still a huge wip tho.

I think it’s important to remember that tattoos are used for different magic and effects too, not limited to beastkins.

Edit 10/2/‘24 oh hey a leak, neat

Other non-beastkin tattoos

I know that I didn’t point out every detail and difference ever, like in that magical tattoos extra with the halfbody person those assumedly aren’t beastkin tattoos even if I included it in the main pic, and how the bust in that same picture has a line of characters around the neck without any line connecting them much like in the pictures below.

Which speaking of this is a good place to talk about different cultures having different systems or characters for magic? The torso of that guy in the upper right corner for example has very different patterns than what I’d have expected with the beastkin tattoo examples. And of course, Izutsumi’s tattoo…

Izutsumi’s tattoos support that the characters/symbols are the most meaningful and important part. Also goes against the assumption that the elven written magic system is because the symbols communicate with the spirits better, since well, they seem to understand japanese just fine. Maizuru’s written magic is said to be akin to gnomic magic, and she reminds me of irl onmyodo a lot. Like many other types of magic, different regions, people and cultures find different ways to practice their version of it.

Meanwhile this unnamed canary’s tattoos follow the rules I’d laid out

And here with Otta, what I said earlier about her tattoo being ink and her tattoos not really seeming magical imo, maybe except the ones around her forearms? Hm I’ve always misread them as sort of a snake randomly curling around her arms but they’re still geometric after all, who knows.

#Dungeon meshi #meta #Analysis #theories #dungeon meshi worldbuilding #This is it for the tags ig. Pretty dry and quick for once #will edit in new stuff as I go if I find or brainstorm more #Compilation #If u have stuff to add on pls do. Can’t promise a response though #delicious in dungeon

215 notes · View notes