#also i feel like i should know what that little town to the lower left is?? but i forgor

[lucifer-kane]

Sighs wistfully, hello Helios Fallen

[cloudshuffle]

What are some of the nasty/creepy things they do to reader in the nobility au? Like the book sniffing thing

arranged by least to most creepy >:)

nobility au

boothill

something about boothill tells me that he’s not very capable of being nasty. or more like he’s not interested in it? he’s a straightforward guy, much preferring to meet you face to face and be in your presence, even if you do always tell him that you’re busy! he knows that’s untrue.

the most boothill has done was follow you around, sussing out your daily schedule with ease. he is a bounty hunter, after all, and a high-profile little miss such as yourself is no trouble for him at all. he tells himself that he’s just another bodyguard, protecting you from the shadows, but all the while he longs to be out in the daylight, enjoying the town with you.

boothill’s not so much creepy than persistent to me, like a puppy left out in the rain that you really can’t adopt but keeps returning to paw at your door. and eventually you have to give in some time, which brings him more joy than anything else in the world.

aventurine

yes, apart from the book sniffing, i imagine he does a lot of sniffing besides, like burying his nose into your hair or kissing your neck and inhaling deeply. (isn’t it said that women apply perfume where they want to be kissed?)

if we want to talk even creepier, maybe he once snuck into the laundry under the guise of ensuring the maids were working and nabbed a piece of your clothing. doesn’t need to be your underwear - i imagine he’d be happy with something more innocent, like a glove. it’s oddly romantic, the way he holds it to his face while sleeping, like it’s your real hand he’s holding.

in the grand scheme of things, i think aventurine isn’t that bad. it could really be worse.

sunday

he watches.

truly, he stands in corners and shadowy alcoves, doing nothing but watching you go about your day. he pops up in places where you least expect him, like, say, the stables. and when he’s cooped up inside the palace with paperwork to do, sunday contents himself by watching you from the windows, laughing and chatting with friends. you’ll often feel someone’s gaze prickling on the back of your neck, but when you look around, you won’t be able to find anyone there. one of sunday’s many talents.

you’d better bet there’s been at least one occasion where he watched you take a bath - god knows how, but at least he did it with a lot of embarrassed blushing on his part. not to say that that’s stopped him ever.

there’s something very special to him about being able to inspect you like an unrefined gemstone under a magnifying glass. 10/10 would not recommend him in your house.

dr. ratio

now hear me out. he is not only a nerd, he is also a nerd with an overinflated ego. meaning that he can, and will, gaslight you into thinking he’s normal.

this sounds ridiculous but stay with me.

you’re having your typical one-on-one lesson with dr ratio. aventurine isn’t present as usual because he’s just going to be a nuisance, so it’s just you and your demanding tutor. he gives you some time to write up a short paragraph, and you lower your head and focus on the assignment.

ratio comes over to see what you have so far. he makes a brief comment. you nod and move to make changes. and suddenly you freeze, feeling fingers on the back of your neck.

you face feels hot. had you imagined it? wasn’t that a completely inappropriate move on his part? should you speak up?

as the professor moves toward the front of the classroom again, he acts like absolutely nothing just happened, raising an eyebrow. “are you feeling alright? your face looks warm.”

and you shake your head quickly, fanning yourself in embarrassment. no way he’d have the nerve to do something like that to do you. after all, he was your tutor… he’d be smarter than to jeopardise his position like that.

[paradiseismine]

Hi!!

Today was my birthday and I don’t know if you have requests open, but if you do, could you please write a Mike Wheeler x Munson!Reader? In which Y/N is Eddie Munson’s younger sister and secretly dating Mike and, well, getting into spicy things in his basement?

I would thank you a lot ✨

Hands off - Mike Wheeler x reader

Pairing: Mike Wheeler (Stranger Things) x Munson!f!reader

Warnings: smut, secret affair, blowjob, face sitting, slightly inexperienced Mike

Love note from Nina: first of all, happy belated birthday, darling! 🎂 I hope you had a great day. Second of all: HELL YES, and here you go.

“Hands off, Wheeler boy” Eddie had warned (partly jokingly, but not entirely) when he caught Mike staring at you once. “That’s my little sister, don’t forget that”

But it’s not like he could forget that, really. You’d hang out with Eddie and tag along for D&D campaigns pretty frequently - the gang’s new Druid. You didn’t attend Hawkins High, though, but went to some fancier school in the neighboring town instead. You had gotten the book smarts whilst Eddie had gotten the street smarts, as he’d always say.

Tonight, you had joined the gang for another D&D campaign, on Mike’s basement, as usual. Y’all had been playing for a good five hours or so (with an strategic stop to order a pizza), and besides the fact that the campaign pretty much always took place on a Saturday, it was getting late.

You had caught Mike staring at you a couple times - he was also sitting right next to you, knees “accidentally” touching yours from time to time as the game progressed. There was something about him that made you feel so pretty, so desired, you could barely resist the temptation to touch his thigh under the table. Ugh, you had to come up with a plan, what could you possibly do t-

“Should we wrap and get going, guys?” Dustin suddenly asked, interrupting your thoughts while checking his watch. He didn’t say it, but he clearly wanted to call Suzie before going to bed. Lucas and Will agreed, and so did you and Eddie.

After another round or two, the gang decided to stop the game on a cliffhanger, just to keep things exciting and pick up from where you left off in the following week. Bidding each other goodbye, the rest of the party walked up to the front door and left on their bikes.

“Fuck, you go ahead, I think I forgot something in the basement” you scratched the back of your head, trying to seem nonchalant. “See you at home?”

“Sure, munchkin” Eddie agreed, not seeming suspicious at all. “Just take care on the way home later”.

Going back to the basement meant getting Mike alone - everyone else had gone home and he had to clean up the mess. You walked down the stairs normally, making sure he’d hear your footsteps, just so he wouldn’t be caught off guard.

“Nance?” he asked, sounding puzzled, before seeing you at the base of the staircase, his beautiful hands closing the box in which he’d put all the D&D stuff. “Oh, it’s you” he smiled. “Are you okay? Did you forget anything?”

“Well, actually, i didn’t really forget it, it’s something I’ve been thinking about all day…” you said, mischievous.

Mike looked at you quizzically, wanting your tone to be as naughty as he believed he’d heard.

“Can I-can I help you with that?” He stuttered, head lowered to look into your eyes as you approached him, your chest now nearly glued to his.

Michael Wheeler had fantasized about you pretty much since the first time he saw you - waiting for Eddie next to your scooter in the Hawkins High parking lot, looking like a model in your leather jacket, long hair and red lipstick. He’d get lost in his words when you two spoke, his palms sweating and his heart pounding.

“I’m pretty sure you know you can” you looked up at him maliciously. “Or did you think you were being discreet back there” you pointed towards the D&D table with your head, “Touching your knee to mine every five minutes?”

Mike audibly swallowed. He had been caught red handed.

“Y/n, I-“ he started, nervously. “It’s just… You’re so pretty, and I know you’re Eddie’s sister, so I could never…” he bit his lip, embarrassed. “You know, no matter how much I wanted to… And believe me, I really do…”

You pushed him lightly towards the basement’s couch, and he fell back seating on it. His eyes went wide as you sat on his lap, one leg to each side of his waist.

“Eddie told you to keep your hands off of me, didn’t he?” Mike gulped, nodding with eyes still wide open as you slowly unzipped and took off your leather jacket, setting it aside. The white top you were wearing underneath was tight fitting and had a very low cut - besides, you were visibly not wearing a bra. “Well, he didn’t say anything about me touching you, so…”

You put your arms around Mike’s neck, gently running your fingers through the hair on his nape, your naughty eyes staring at his plump reddish lips. He could barely breathe, but his throbbing erection involuntarily pressing up against your core spoke for him.

“Tell me to stop” you whispered before your lips lightly touched his - and needless to say, Mike never told you to stop. You kissed him chastely at first, but as he seemed to gain confidence, you soon asked for entrance in his mouth with your tongue, and that innocent kissing soon turned into a full make out.

Mike’s hands went straight to your breasts, fondling them hungrily as he moaned into the kiss. You felt an instant rush in between your thighs, your arousal nearly painful; but you still wanted to play the game on the hard level.

“No, no, no” you broke the kiss to whisper to him, as you gently held his wrists and put his hands back on his lap. “Hands off, lover boy, only I get to touch you.”

Mike sighed, feeling dizzy with lust. He had never gotten drunk, but that’s what he imagined being drunk would feel like.

You kissed him once again, softly biting his lower lip, your hands pulling him closer by the collar of his Hellfire t-shirt. Mike timidly moaned as you touched him, his body quivering, aching for more. Soon, your lips found their way to his neck, kissing it, biting it, driving him crazy.

“Could I give you a little love mark, baby?”

“S-sure, I’m yours, whatever you want” he moaned, enchanted by you.

You bit and sucked lightly on his neck, leaving a small purple bruise behind, gently kissing it to relieve the pain afterwards. Mike’s hands grabbed your ass harshly, squeezing it. You couldn’t help but moan at the touch, right on his ear, nibbling on his earlobe.

“Again with the hands, mister? That’s not very Prince Charming of you, I’m afraid. Do I have to tie up those hands to make you behave?” you had grabbed his neck lightly, eyes studying his expression.

“Do you… do you want to tie me up?” he asked, trying to conceal the excitement in his voice.

“I’d love to, can I?” as he nodded, you took off your belt and tied up his hands with it, making a firm knot to secure it.

“Will you… will you still let me please you, y/n?” he nearly begged, his body squirming for relief in those tight jeans. “I always dreamed of making you cum”, he confessed.

You chuckled. He was so adorable, ugh.

“Have you ever had a girl sit on your face before?” you asked softly.

“No, I-“ he said, feeling a bit shy. Mike wasn’t very experienced at all, but it’s not like he was going to admit that to you. “I don’t think so”

“Can I?” you gave him your naughtiest look.

“Sure, beautiful” he agreed, eyes hypnotized by the sight of your perky nipples nearly ripping through the thin fabric of your shirt.

You stood up and stripped for him, garment after garment falling on the floor as he watched, tied up hands trying to palm his own erection for relief. You were so beautiful, and somehow, even more beautiful naked. He sighed, lustful, his face flushed as you approached him again.

You positioned him on the couch and slowly lowered your hips to Mike’s face, carefully adjusting your clit to where his lips were. You held yourself on the couch, not putting your weight entirely on him.

He licked your entrance delightedly, your smell and your taste making his head spin. He flicked his tongue to your clit and earned himself a moan, only to repeat the movement and keep hearing your moans. Your pussy was soaking wet for him, and you couldn’t bring yourself to reprimand Mike when his hands, even tied as they were, reached up to finger you as his tongue kept working on your clit.

“I’m so wet for you, Mikey” you moaned, your hips swaying onto his face. “You drive me wild, I want to cum for you so bad”

Mike whimpered as he kept eating you out like you’d be his last meal, and if Eddie found out about what happened tonight, it would be.

As his fingers curled inside you and his tongue relentlessly massaged your sensitive clit, getting you to moan more and more, legs shaking uncontrollably, you came on his mouth. Mike licked you through your high, still in disbelief that such a pretty girl was wet for him, moaning at his touch, desiring him.

You got off of him and lowered your body once again, kissing him and tasting yourself on his drenched lips.

“You taste so good, princess” he praised, still out of breath.

“I bet you do too, love” you pulled him up so he’d be seating on the couch again. Your legs were still shaky from such an intense orgasm, your head feeling light and dizzy, but you couldn’t wait another moment to have him.

You bent at your waist, hands on his knees, giving Mike your most devilish kiss. He lowered his head, and you immediately knew what he wanted. Putting your naked breasts to his face, he took one of your nipples in between his lips and suckled on it hungrily. His dark eyes were low and seemed in ecstasy.

“Can I give you a-a love mark as well? I mean, here?” he bit the side of your breast gently.

“Sure you can, love” you replied, nearly moaning.

Mikey sucked and sucked onto your skin, leaving a purple bruise behind, before repeating the same step at a slightly different angle. When you looked down, he had left a heart shaped bruise on your chest.

“I swear you don’t even exist, baby boy, I made you up” you chuckled and nuzzled your face onto his neck before pulling up his T-shirt to remove it.

You could hear Mike pulling air in between his teeth as you kissed his chest and his belly, working your way towards the hem of his pants. You looked at him in an inquiring way, hands on the button and zipper of his dark jeans.

He nodded rapidly, and you lowered his pants and underwear to his ankles, eager to take him in your mouth.

“Hold my hair back, will you?” You asked, and even with his hands tied, Mike managed to do it.

Soon enough, you had taken most of his length in your mouth, bobbing your head up and down, your hands on his balls and perineum, gently massaging him. Mike’s eyes would squeeze shut and roll back in pleasure, his lips red from so much biting and kissing, faint moans escaping them.

“Princess” he said, his voice barely audible. “You’re so good… Can I cum in your mouth?”

You simply opened your mouth and kept jerking him off as a response. Mike’s knees were shaking (and would’ve buckled if he wasn’t sitting down) as he let out a louder, satisfied moan and released his warm seed into your mouth. You swallowed it immediately, in slight disbelief that even his cum tasted good.

“Did… did you swallow it?” He asked, amazed.

“Of course, silly” you stood back up and kissed his nose playfully. “You taste so good, how could I not?”

“Thank you” He smiled, embarrassed.

“How long have you felt like that?” You sat beside him on the couch, grabbing your clothes back from the floor. “You know, being attracted to me and stuff?”

“I, uhm…” his cheeks had turned pink. “Ever since I saw you that day on the parking lot, waiting for Eddie” he confessed. “Yelling at him for not doing the laundry” you both laughed.

“You caught my eye that day too” you admitted, head tilted to the side. “I just thought I wasn’t your type, you know? I’m quite different from the girls at Hawkins High.”

“You’re way prettier than all of them” he shrugged honestly. “And a lot funnier, more interesting, more intelligent…”

“Do you want to… Keep seeing each other like this?” You suggested, hand lightly caressing his after you untied him.

“Kinda like… dating in secret?” He inferred.

“Eddie would kill you if he found out, wouldn’t he?” You laughed, understanding his point.

“Absolutely”

[eddiemunsons-missingnipple]

Listen hear me out you're with older eddie and everyone just assumes he's very rough and dominant but really he likes it when you slap his face and spit on him he practically begs for it while you ride him

Oh, I'm listening 😌 ya know anon you sound exactly like one of my besties...suspish🤨

Sub!Older!Eddie munson x fem!reader

I'm so sorry, btw this was also kind of rushed, so I hope you enjoy it. 18+ no minors

You don't know why everyone was a little intimated by your boyfriend. Maybe it was his choice of clothing or music. Maybe it was the faded scar on his eyebrow from a bar fight. Maybe it's because his face always had a scowl, and he never seemed to crack a smile until you're around.

Everyone in town seems to think he's this mean and rough person, but that's the farthest thing from the truth. Eddie's not like what the others would describe him to be. He's soft-spoken, gentle, and incredibly smart.

They also would assume he dominated you in the bedroom as well. You heard the gossip around town, and the little comments made your way as you passed by. Mainly from men with nothing better to do. Truth be told, it's the complete opposite for you both. If they only knew he is practically on his knees every night begging you to degrade him.

Eddie was a dominant person in every aspect of his life except when it came to sex. That's when he let you have complete control and use him, however you wanted. Even if that meant only getting yourself off and leaving him to finish the rest himself.

He loved it when you mock him if cums too early. He wants to be overestimulated to the point where it's becoming painful. He wants you to spit on him and cuff him to his bed. He loved it when you collar him and used your paddle.

At the beginning of the relationship, your sex life was amazing, but you always felt like he wasn't satisfied enough. You could tell he wanted to confess something but was too afraid. Then, one day, he blurted it right out. You didn't know if he meant to say it or if he was just too caught up in the moment.

"Slap me." He grunts out causing you to pause for a moment as you're bounced on his cock. You wondered if you heard him correctly at first until he said it again. His voice came out strained and desperate. His eyes look up into yours, pleading for you to do it.

You hesitated just at first, not knowing how hard you should slap him. You pulled your hand back and gave his cheek a firm light tap. The slap wasn't hard, but it was enough to leave his cheek a little pink.

"Y-yeah, again, just a little harder, baby, please." He bites down on his lower lip and thrusts upwards allowing his cock to hit that sweet spot on your walls. He thrusted up again harder, squeezing your hips tighter when he feels the sting of your hand against his face.

He feels like he could cum right now having you fulfill a fantasy he's kept to himself for so long. A small whimper left his mouth when he felt you clench around him. You both were breathing heavy in eachothers face, mouths parted slightly.

You never thought you would be into something like this. Seeing Eddie a complete mess underneath of made you wish he'd ask to do this much sooner. There was still some guilt on your part. What if you end up hurting him?

"Eddie, I don't want to hurt you." You confessed pausing your movements once more.

"It's okay if it's too much, and I want you to stop. I'll just shout Ozzy or some shit. " He insisted desperately.

You shook your head, "Okay, promise me you will?"

"I promise, sweetheart." He reassured, patting your thighs for you to continue riding him.

He laid back against his pillow with a big grin plastered on his face. You giggle a little as you proceeded to move up and down on his cock. Eddie helped by gripping your hips and lifting you up and back down on his hard length. His fingers dug firmly into your plush skin.

"Fuck, slap me again." He whined.

You tried to gain your composure long enough to do as he asked. His cock hitting deeper inside you making it hard to focus. Your thighs begin to tremble and burn. You pull your hand back again, slapping him right across his cheek. He threw his head to the side, moaning in response as tears leaked from the corner of his eyes.

He looks back up at you in awe as you move up and down on his hard length. His cheeks an angry shade of red now. The same cheeks you like to pepper with kisses early in the mornings before work. You can't deny you don't love this. That having him at your complete mercy didn't turn you on more.

It didn't take long before he was cuming deep inside you. As a matter of fact, he had been trying to his best to hold it when you began slapping him the first few times. He ended up cuming before you, which embarrassed him a little.

Eddie felt bad for doing so, especially after you indulged in his secret fantasy. You decided quickly as a punishment to try to make him cum as many times as he could. You wanted him sore but begging you not to stop. You had him filling you up with cum over and over again. Turning him into nothing but a whimpering mess as he came for the fourth time.

After that night, you both quickly moved on from slapping to cuffing him to his headboard. Eddie would asked to be blind folded and gagged while a vibrator was strapped to his cock. He wanted to be called names.

You'd make him cum over and over until he had tears streaming down his face. Until his mind would go all foggy and he couldn't put together a cohesive sentence. His cock being so sore afterwards that even the cool air would cause him to wince a little.

What you both loved to the most was how close this brought the two of you together. You loved taking care of him and washing his hair. Making sure he was okay and if he needed anything. He always just wanted to cuddle afterward. Which you happily obliged every single time until he was softly snoring in your ear.

[aziraphales-library]

Hey y'all, first off, thanks for the great work you're doing!

I'm looking for Aziracrow fics with like,, one of them as an FBI agent and the other as art consultant or something like that. I already checked if there's anything in a possible art heist tag, I also looked for crossovers with White Collar, which has a similar premise, and I didn't really find anything. Maybe there's nothing, but I thought maybe you'd have an idea :) Thank you!!

Hello! So, the best I can do is fics in which one of them works in law enforcement of some kind, and the other works in either a different department or completely different job, and they work together in some way. Hope this was the kind of thing you're after!...

Containing Seeds of Destruction by feathereddino (T)

Lower Tadfield is a rural, sleepy little village that is trying to be a town. The crimes that Police Constable A.J. Crowley usually responds to are mundane but never evil. His husband, police psychologist Dr. A.Z. Fell appreciates that their combined caseload reflects that banality. That all changes in 2008 with a call about an abandoned baby. Adam Young's surrender will spark a series of events that will impact their village, their careers, and their personal lives.

What Will Destroy You by EveningStarcatcher (E)

London, 1888 Police Inspector Aziraphale Fell forms an unlikely alliance with Reporter Anthony Crowley to investigate the Whitechapel Murders. Can they solve the mystery and stop the so called Ripper before he strikes again?

Tadfield's Finest by angelsnuffbox (E)

The sleepy town of Tadfield is thoroughly shaken by the arrival of DI Crowley. Where barely anything ever happened before, there is now a bustle of low grade criminal activity, and everyone knows where to point the blame. Gabriel thinks he's a bad omen for the town, many others are quick to agree. Meanwhile, Aziraphale from SOCO just thinks he's hot. Ridiculously so.

and salt the Earth behind you by sunrisesinthesuburbs (E)

Detective (well, Profiler actually, not that anyone seems to care) Aziraphale Fell should have dropped his one and only Criminal Informant the moment he realized he was already falling in love with the man. Alas, he's never had good ideas regarding his self-preservation: when Anthony Crowley calls, he always comes. He will always come. If this wasn't already very bad, his feelings are apparently reciprocated and, in the meantime, his unit has to catch the worst serial killer Washington D.C. has probably ever seen. Crowley has no intention of leaving Aziraphale to deal with this on his own; Aziraphale has no intention of letting Crowley do something stupid just for his sake. Ah, if only love could ever be something easy. “Sometimes I wish I’d met you in a park.” Crowley’s hands move lower, down, down until he reaches Aziraphale’s palms and intertwines their fingers. There isn’t a single chance this gesture can fall under the umbrella of ‘plausible deniability’. Though nothing about this sort of impromptu confession could. “A park, uh? Nice.” A squeeze. “I always imagine something like a library. Or a bookshop or, not sure, whatever place is full of books.”

For His Eyes Only by AFrenchFanWriter (M)

Anthony J. Crowley has been an MI6 spy for 10 years, completing successful mission after successful mission under the guidance of his quartermaster, Aziraphale Fell. But this life is starting to take its toll on him as he is getting older; and when, one day, his past comes back to haunt him, Crowley realizes that it might be time for him to hang up his gun and face all the things he has left unaddressed… (Yep, it is basically a James Bond/Q AU!)

On Espionage and Prophecy (or How to Accidentally, but Wholly, Fall in Love With a Soho Bookseller) by RockSaltAndRoll (E)

1941 is the London Blitz and the year that MI5 really comes into its own with the now infamous ‘double cross’ system. The service keep tabs on suspects, root out enemy agents and try to turn them into doubles. Anthony J Crowley is fucking great at this job. He can be sneaky, underhanded and damn ruthless but also charming and kind. It’s what makes him good at turning. Aziraphale is just a regular Soho bookseller who loves his shop and books and good food and wine when he’s approached by a woman claiming to be MI5, wanting to recruit him for espionage. The poor man is too trusting and gets the shock of his life when he’s approached by a charming but dangerous-looking man also claiming to be MI5. Crowley recruits Aziraphale to double cross a double crosser and Aziraphale takes to espionage like a duck to water. Danger, hijinks, and sex ensue.

- Mod D

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

Your wish is my command!

(There's less comfort here and more hurt than I planned, and then the sexual tension snuck in, oh my ...)

A deal with the devil

Rated: T

Words: 980

Tags: Pirate AU; Pirate Eddie; castaway Steve; Billy Hargrove being an asshole; Steve Harrington whump; dehydration; non-consensual bondage; sexual tension; sexual innuendo

The water runs out before the first day is through.

They gave him a single skin of it. That, and a blunt knife to ward off the sharks.

“To tide you over until you find land or a kind soul to aid you,” Hargrove winked, patting his cheek as the boat began to lower. “I'm not a monster, pretty boy.”

Steve said nothing. There is no land for hundreds of miles. They passed the last ship three days ago. They both knew this.

He refused to touch the water at first, even as the sun burnt his skin and his tongue began to feel like a piece of cotton in his mouth. He knew it would only prolong the inevitable. But the human instinct for survival is a dumb thing, and with the sun at its zenith and the ocean blurring into the sky all around him, he eventually pressed the skin to his cracked lips, emptying it with three greedy gulps.

He doesn’t know how long ago that was. It feels like weeks, even though the rational part of him knows it can't have been more than a day or two. He's been drifting in and out of consciousness, though, and it's hard to tell.

Not like it matters, he thinks, staring up at the deadly white disk overhead. He should shut his lids against the glare, but he can't even muster the energy to blink. His eyes should water from the light, but there's no liquid left in him. All he can do is lie here and hope that it will be quick now.

He slips into dreams. Voices filling his ears. A cold shadow enveloping him. Hands cradling him, combing sweat-soaked hair from his forehead. Dark hair billowing around a pale, pretty face, like seaweed. A siren come to pull him into the depths, he thinks deliriously, to drag him into his wet grave and devour his flesh.

He doesn't mind.

It will be cool under the sea.

*

When he opens his eyes again, he's confused at first. Purgatory looks a lot different from what he expected. He thought there'd be fire, not linen pillows and brocade curtains. He also thought it'd smell like smoke and burning skin, not like wood and sea salt and gunpowder.

Steve shoots up with a strangled shout. The wet cloth on his forehead slips and lands next to the bed.

He's not in purgatory. He's on a ship. In the captain's quarters, if the curtained bed and lush carpets are anything to go by.

He's also been cuffed to the bed by one wrist.

His free hand instinctively gropes for the knife in his boot, only to find that it's gone.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you.”

He freezes.

There's a man in the armchair beside the bed. Steve didn’t notice him before, because he was reclining into the cushions, but now he's leaning forward, dark eyes watching Steve from under a wide-brimmed hat. The rings on his fingers glint as he stacks his hands, resting his chin on them. Balanced between his fingers is the knife.

“That's mine,” Steve blurts. “Give it back.”

The man laughs.

“I saved your life out there, darling, be a little more grateful. I usually take a lot more from the vessels I encounter.”

Steve's stomach drops. Because now that the fog is slowly lifting from his mind, the man looks familiar. He's seen that face before, staring back at him from wanted posters in port towns.

“You're Edward Munson,” he mutters. “The pirate.”

“That's me,” Munson swoops into a bow. “Welcome aboard the Hellfire. Now, who do I have the pleasure with?”

Steve bites his bottom lip. That grin goes just a little wider.

“Nevermind,” Munson purrs. “I think I know.”

Steve remains silent, hoping the hammering of his racing heart will not betray him.

“The Marines are looking for a boy matching your description,” Munson continues, cleaning his nails with the knife. “Governor's son. Made off with one of daddy's ships to play pirates, it's the talk of-”

“No idea what you mean,” Steve snaps. “I'm a simple sailor who was in a shipwreck, I-”

Munson scoffs. “Alright then, sailor. Tell me why I shouldn't just turn you over? That reward is handsome, I could make good use of it.”

“Except you won't,” Steve says, and now it's his turn to measure the other man with a smug smile. “Can't spend that money without a head.”

Munson sighs.

“I just want a nice, easy life,” he whines theatrically. “What's wrong with that? You rob a few ships, seize a treasure or two, and suddenly people are out for your life. And yet, somehow, I am the abominable one here, imagine that!”

Steve stares at him. Munson clears his throat.

“Anyhow,” he then says. “Don't think I'll let you laze around in my bed forever. You want to stay, you apply yourself like everybody else.”

Steve wants to tell him to go fuck himself, but somehow that doesn't seem smart. Not with his only weapon in the guy's hand and nothing but water around them for days.

“Fine,” he grumbles. “I'll apply myself. I can mop the deck, help out in the kitchen, whatever you-”

Munson waves him off. “Nah, I got people for that.”

Steve scowls. “Then what-”

One ring-clad hand touches his jaw and the words die on his tongue.

“Don't worry, sweetheart,” Munson winks at him. “We'll find something for you to do. Something to make my life just a little bit nicer and easier, right?”

Steve bites his tongue so hard he tastes copper, and nods. He only needs to hold out until they get to land and he can figure out a way to get his ship back.

If he needs to sell his soul to the Devil of the Hellfire to accomplish that, so be it.

Something, something, they fuck about it, fall in love, kick Billy's ass and take back Steve's ship, they become pirate husbands, the end.

More celebration ficlets

[yourlastbraincell-kiwi]

A/N: This was a request on my Wattpad called ‘Bound to One Another’ and forgot to put it on Tumblr. I hope you enjoy it!

Also, it switches from Chase and the reader’s pov, please be aware of that, but it starts off with the reader pov!

Pairing: Chase Davenport x Reader

As far as I know, it’s got typos-

——————🧬——————

"Hey, guys!"

I said, walking over to Adam, Bree, Chase and Leo. They all greeted me with smiles and waves, while Chase pulls my to his side by my waist, and kissed my temple.

"Where we're you I've been looking everywhere for you?" Chase asked setting his chin on my head. "Yeah, he was sweated so much, it looked like it rained inside the school." Bree said, motioned to Chases shirt.

"He extremely worried that you missed the first couple of classes, but honestly, that isn't something he should be worrying about. Mr, H's class is anything, but fun." Leo said, as we all, except Chase made that one face.

"His class is in fact fun, what about the time we studied the human body, and how many different systems the body has and-"

"And that is why you don't have many friends." Adam said while Bree and Leo nodded their heads. I shake my head and look up at Chase, "It's alright, I just over slept and the traffic was so bad today. I'm lucky enough to even have made it to school." I said walked with them to our classes.

"See? Right there. I would've taken advantage of that.." Leo said and fist bumped Adam.

I rolled my eyes as they when to class and Chase pulled me aside. "You sure, you're okay?" I nod, grabbing his shoulders. "Yes, I promise you. I'm a-okay. And if anything were to..." His face gives me that really look, but I continue to talk anyway. "...Were to happen you'd know. Okay?"

He sighs and nods his head. "Alright, I gotta go to class now." I smile at him, giving him a farewell kiss, and went to class.

——————🧬——————

It was around 2:40, when I had left school, I said goodbye to my friends except Bree and told Chase, I'd call him when I got home. I usually take the bus, till I get somewhat close to my house. Then I walk the rest of the way, listening to some music, and chatting with Bree, about girl stuff before bringing the subject back to Chase and I.

"Chase was really worried about you, though. I've only ever seen him worried when, he was taking that big History Exam." She said and we both laughed a bit.

"I know, and I promised him that nothing happened, and that I'll always message, whatever the case may be, so I don't worry him."

"Good, but I better get a text too, cause being left with three boys? I love 'em, but boy can they be annoying." She said, waving as she walked home on her own.

I continue walking to my own house particularly slow today though, just to take in the scenery. That was until I saw a rustle of leaves to my right. I brushed it off as it was quite windy today, and I'd expect leaves to make some sort of movement, in windy weather.

I kept on my walk until I heard a bit of a hushed voice, and started to speed walk a bit. Something wasn't sitting right in my gut and I always listen to my gut feeling. The rustling of leaves picked up and I started to run, only to have my arm gripped tight, as making stuff fall out of my pocket, including my phone, yanking the earbuds out of my ears, with such haste.

I hissed out my clenched teeth and tried loosening my kidnappers grip on my arm, but he wouldn't budge, so I kicked the back of his knee causing his to kneel down, probably scraping his knee, and I yanked my arm and tried to run.

He grabbed my ankle, causing me to fall and hit my face on the pavement. I groan feeling my face get hot, near my eyebrow, and lower lip and some blood dripping from my nose. I turned to see him rushed as me I scrambled to my feet and, run as fast I could.

But he was faster.

I screamed her help, but it was no use, the nearest town was little ways ahead from where I was, all because I was wanted to stop and smell the bloody roses! He grabbed my by my waist and put s hand over my mouth, and I kicked and screamed trying something, ANYTHING, that could get me out of his grasp, but he tossed me in the back of his car and locked it.

I banged on the door, begging and pleaded for someone to here me, but no one was there. I eventually stopped, and slouched against the vans doors, and cried silently, eventually crying myself to sleep.

——————🧬——————

I walked back and forth, ready to rip my own hair out of my own head. "Chase, calm down maybe, she was at a friends house." Bree asked as they watched me stress out, in the middle of the hallway at school. "I already ran that probability in my head, over 12 times today and trust me she's not there."

"She said she'd call, but she hasn't and I..." I slowly turn to face my siblings. "I think somethings wrong."

We all looked at each other uneasily, before I walked quickly out the of the school, with nothing but determination on finding (Y/N). "Chase! Wait up!" "Hey! Slow down." "Where are you going?" They said running after me.

"I'm going to find her. You can either come with me, or stay here your choice." I said turning to leave, but Bree grabbed my arm. "What about class, and we all know how much you love Mr.H' class." Leo nodded and pointed at Bree, as if her statement was correct.

"I do, but finding (Y/N) is way more important then some...some...stupid class!" I walked away leaving them wide eyed with Leo's mouth agape. "Who are you? And what have you done with Chase?" He said, as they ran after me.

——————🧬——————

'Ugh...'

'What happened?'

I slowly lift my head, as my eyes fluttered open. I tried to get a look at my surroundings, but it was little blurry, and my head was throbbing. I tried lifting my hand up to feel my temples, but I realized I was bound to the wall. I tried freeing myself, but that definitely wasn't the way of doing so.

"Move, and my father will hurt you."

I looked straight ahead of me, and groaned with audible annoyance.

"Marcus.." He just smirked at me, swirling the tea in his little teacup, with a coffee stirrer. Then Douglas came up from behind Marcus and came over to me.

"Sorry to cut this...lovely conversation short, but (Y/N) is feel a little sleepy."

"What? What are you talking about-?" I asked before Douglas put me to sleep, smiling at me with mischievous eyes.

I groaned as I lifted my head again, which felt heavier then before, vision still blurred, but this time I saw things moving through my blurred eyes. I blinked more trying to clear my vision.

I had come to realize that it was Bree and Adam, we're fighting Douglas and Marcus. Whilst Leo and Chase tried freeing me, and we managed to escape and rushed to their home.

I was sat on the couch in the living room and felt extremely dizzy all of a sudden. I don't know what it could have been. Neither did anyone else, so Mr. Davenport had me stand up to do a body scan.

He stopped, looking at me with worried eyes, putting the scanner down.

"What is it? Did you figure out why I'm so dizzy?"

"I uh...I did. But you might have to stay with us for while."

"Wait, why?" I said looking at him with fury burning inside my chest. "What did they do to me?"

"Douglas has implanted a chip in your neck. A bionic chip." Big D, said looking at me with nothing but pure, guilt.

"You don’t mean…?" I said, but he nodded already know what I was going to say. I looked around at everyone before my eyes landed on Chase.

——————🧬——————

I had went to my parents house, and told them something other then the fact that I now have bionics, and now have to stay at the Davenports. Cause who's to say that they'll believe me if I told them the truth.

They eventually yet reluctantly, "believed" me and let me go. I packed some things to take with me, who knows how long I'll be there? And who knows how long it'll take me to master this newfound ability or abilities.

I stepped into the car and Mr. Davenport drove us back to his house. After I got there Chase had pulled me aside, away from everyone else.

"You have no idea how worried I was, when you didn't come to school the next day. I didn't know what to do-"

"But you found me, and I'm okay, sorta." I said with a small giggle, causing him to smile.

"I know, and now we're connected by our bionics, so we've got nothing to fret about. But I have to ask you something." I nod, feeling a little nervous in my gut area.

"After we're done with school and all. Would you like to marry me.. one day?" I open my eyes wide and look at him if he's crazy. But I quickly realize he isn't joking and I'm quick to answer him with a 'yes.'

The group cheers, high fives and hugs each other. As Chase and I share a loving kiss.

"They grow up so fast." Tasha said, as Mr. Davenport, wrapped his arm around her waist.

"I know, it's like almost yesterday, he was still wearing pull-ups." Adam said whipping his tears. I laugh as we pulled apart, Chase way too happy to even try and argue with Adam.

[crazylittlejester]

HI HI HI

You should yell about the blorbo. I'd love to hear about some warriors HC's you have.

I also have a HC and I'd love to hear what you think about it.

I've always HC'ed Warriors as having an adoptive son/daughter. And I low-key see him as a princess dad. The man is totally dressing up for his daughter's tea parties in the castle with her best friend the queen.

Please yell about your blorbo, I want to hear about him. :DDDD

HI HI HI IVE BEEN GIVEN PERMISSION TO YELL AND YAP I SHALL!!!!

First of all: Yes absolutely. I headcanon Wars as on the ace spectrum, I don’t think that man is having biological children. I kinda see him as someone who would decide to NOT have children, because he doesn’t think it’d be fair of him to raise a child because he thinks he’s too mentally messed up for that (despite the fact that Time and Wind both turned out FINE), but one day he just ✨Acquires✨ a child and that’s just the end of it he’s a father now.

The specific headcanon I have for him regarding having kids is after the war, he does his best to help the areas of Hyrule that were just DESTROYED, and so many civilians lost their lives and orphanages were just overflowing, and he does his best to put money into those places to help out and he visits and tells the kids stories and makes sure they’re actually being treated well and helps them get families, and one day he just comes across this little girl who’s not counted for at any of the orphanages and her parents are gone, and he tries to get her set up in one but she’s just too attached to him and he’s got such a soft spot for kids he just adopts her because she was just so miserable there and kept begging the people at the orphanage to make him come back. And that’s his little girl now, she’s his princess he’d fight the entire war again in a heartbeat just for her. He absolutely dresses up for tea parties with her, he lets her do his hair and makeup, he’ll walk down the halls holding her hand while she skips and Zelda has never in her LIFE seen him so genuinely happy. He’s an absolutely WONDERFUL father, despite his own doubts in himself, and that little girl grows up with “Aunt Zel” and “Aunt Impa” teaching her how to kick ASS (plus Aunt Linkle, who’s her actual aunt being Link’s brother and all, and Linkle helps her befriend the cuckoos)

Other Wars headcanons I have!!:

- He has a significant amount of gray hair but you can’t see it because he bleaches and dyes his hair (I HC it’s naturally a very dark brown and also curly, but he straightens it)

- Writes his journals in his first language because it’s not a common one in Castle Town and it makes him feel better to know that if anyone DID get their hands on it, they’d at least be slowed down because they’d have to translate it

- His left hand shakes sometimes because of old injuries and overuse, and it’s not as strong as his right. Sometimes it’s hard for him to use his sword and shield because of it, so he’ll either use his sword with two hands for support or just use his fire rod

- He has quite a few scars on his face but he can either cover them COMPLETELY with makeup or make them look light enough to not be super jarring (depending on how deep the scars are)

- I HC he doesn’t like things up against his neck, so he’ll wear only tunics/shirts that are very low cut in the front and his scarf is pinned so securely in place that it is IMPOSSIBLE for him to be strangled with it unless the end was grabbed and THEN wrapped around his neck

- Not the world’s best cook. He can make comfort dishes from home his mom used to make for him, but not a whole lot of other things. He has memorized recipes and hasn’t tried too much with experimenting and making new ones

- High spice tolerance, but mentally he can’t handle it because it makes his tongue buzz and he’ll freak out and panic because he can’t tell if it’s spice or poison

- Autistic with lower support needs. He masks incredibly well but that doesn’t make him any less autistic and that doesn’t mean he still doesn’t struggle

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Fend For Your Life

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~3.5k

Warnings: plane crash angst, everyone on board is dead but you, survivor's guilt, sewing yourself up painfully

Request by anon: Can I please request Jennifer Jareau x reader. Reader is sent on an important undercover mission, so when her helicopter 'crashes' in the middle of nowhere and she is stranded on an island for months on end. Jj (her wife) and the team are going out of their way to find her. (Once reader returns from the island, she isn't the same as before she left. Little things scare her, etc.she also leaves the bau)

Summary: You're going on a solo mission with two SWAT members to save victims you don't know are alive in a country you've never been to before while the rest of the team searches for the unsub. JJ, your wife, eagerly waits for your arrival back home... but that never comes.

Square Filled: rescue mission for @badthingshappenbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

This is the biggest mission you’ve ever been on while at the BAU. The unsub is kidnapping young women in Florida and taking them to a remote location somewhere in Cuba. Your mission is to go to Cuba and rescue the victims (however many that may be) and bring them back home. You’ll be going with two SWAT members while the rest of the BAU works to hunt the unsub down before he snatches another girl.

Your team profiled that the unsub is in Florida right now based on the airport traffic. You’d given the sketch to all airports in Florida, and one of them stated that someone like that came through not that long ago. It’ll take you an hour to get to Havana where you believe the unsub is holding his victims, and you’re only going on a rescue mission so you don’t need other agents with you. Plus, you’d have two SWAT members with you, so you’ll be okay.

“Someone should go with you,” JJ says as you prepare for the flight.

“Baby, you know we need everyone on the ground here. This unsub is smart. The fewer agents we have trying to get him, he could get away. I’ll be fine.”

JJ bites her lower lip in concern, and you prepare to walk over to her. You reach up and remove her lip from between her teeth. She sighs heavily and looks you in the eyes.

“You know I worry.”

“JJ, my love, I will be okay. I’ll return home with however many hostages in no time. The flight is only an hour.” You pull your wife in for a kiss that will ease her concerns. She always feels better after one of your kisses. “Be strong. I will be okay.”

“Please be careful,” she whispers.

“I always am.”

She and Hotch escorts you to the plane that’s waiting for you where the pilot and the two SWAT members are.

“Remember, get the hostages and leave. We don’t know if this unsub has partners or not. We don’t know what’s happening over there.”

“Hotch, you’re gonna scare my wife,” you chuckle. “I will be fine. Just focus on getting the unsub. He’s here somewhere. I have faith in you.”

“Good luck,” Hotch nods and leaves you and JJ alone.

“Promise me we’re gonna take this weekend off and get a hotel or something.”

“I promise. You can pick whatever place you want. I gotta go. I love you.”

“I love you.”

You kiss her quickly and get on the plane. She waits until the door is closed before returning to Hotch who is in the car. As you said, the flight only takes an hour, and there is no issue with getting there. The Havana Police meet you at the airport and guide you to the location where they suspect the unsub has taken his victims. The run-down warehouse is located in a remote part of town where the only people that come here is to buy fish and make illegal deals for a multitude of things.

You’re the lead agent on this team so you’re responsible for what happens to every single person with you. The Havana Police wait outside while the two SWAT members go in first. They secure the room before allowing you inside, and you hold your gun out in front of you protectively. This place is big so you have to sweep it from left to right and not miss a single room.

There isn’t much artificial light that helps, so you have to rely on the natural light that seeps in through the high windows and cracks from the doors. This place is covered from head to toe with dust since this place hasn’t been used in a while. It used to be a booming warehouse that shipped and stocked high-grade fishing equipment for big ships, but ever since the company bought a bigger place closer to where the ports are, this place got shut down.

The first two rooms are used for storage that is too small to hold victims, and the next two are bone-dry with no furniture or anything inside. There are high shelves with equipment on them lining the middle of the big warehouse that you move through while keeping your ears on alert. Any little noise or movement will have you and the two SWAT members ready to attack.

You reach one of the back rooms that is locked which is weird since no one uses this warehouse anymore. The Havana Police say they’re in the process of emptying this place out but haven’t gotten time to remove everything yet.

“Can you get this open?” you whisper to the SWAT member who has a background in opening locks.

“Easy,” he whispers back.

You and the other SWAT member watch his back while he gets on his knees and works to unlock the door. It takes him only a minute which according to him, that’s his record. The same man grabs the doorknob and waits for your cue before opening it. You burst inside with your gun drawn just in case there is anyone inside that wants to attack you. 

Instead of the unsub or a potential partner, there is a young woman in the middle of the room tied to a concrete pole. There are two other women lying on the ground but based on the smell they’re emitting, they’re dead and have been dead for a while. Still, you walk over to them and check for a pulse even though you know it’s pointless. Next, you move to the woman in the middle of the room and use your knife to cut her loose.

“Please help me,” she cries.

“My name is Agent Y/N with the FBI. You’re going to be okay. Your name is Elizabeth, right?”

“Yeah. He killed them,” she sobs. “He just let them die.”

“Okay, come on. Let’s get you home. Are you okay?” She nods, and you help her to her feet and bring her outside where the Havana Police are. “There are two more girls inside who are dead. I need to get her back to the States. My team will coordinate with you in bringing the other two back home so their families can claim them.”

“Of course,” the lead detective says.

To not disturb the plane’s navigation system, you wait until you’re in the air to call Hotch. The two SWAT members are relaxing, Elizabeth is trying to get some sleep, and you’re by yourself in the back. Everyone is waiting in the briefing room for you to call. They caught the unsub when he was trying to get to the harbor with another victim, so all they’re waiting for is for you to return.

“Go ahead, Y/N. You’re on speakerphone with everyone in the room,” Hotch says.

“I got the hostage, Elizabeth. The other two women were dead when I arrived. I told the detective that you’d coordinate with them to bring them home. I would have stayed, but Elizabeth needs a hospital.”

“I understand. We got the unsub. He’s in interrogation right now.”

“I got a hold of Elizabeth’s family. They should be on their way now,” JJ says. “By the time you get back, they’ll be here.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured. Don’t worry, JJ, I will make sure--”

Just like that, the line goes dead.

“Y/N? Are you there?” There is no answer. “What the hell happened?”

“Garcia, can you trace the call?”

Penelope gets on her laptop and tries to pinpoint your location but is unable to. It’s like the signal got lost in the middle of the ocean.

“Sir, I can’t find it.”

“What do you mean you can’t find it?” JJ panics.

“It means she’s in the middle of the ocean and there are no cell towers out there. I can’t pinpoint the location.”

“What the hell happened to her?”

What the hell did happen to you? You have to blink several times to get your vision to focus which is when you finally see the situation for what it is. Fire is all around you like an unwanted guest in your home. You look down and see both SWAT members dead on the ground, you try to look up and see the pilot is impaled on a branch sticking out of the base of the tree, and you look to your left to see Elizabeth still in her seat. However, her head is backward because her neck is broken.

“Oh, God,” you gasp.

Your plane went down. Something went wrong and it crashed into some island in the middle of nowhere. Why are you the only one that’s alive? How the hell are you gonna get home now? You look down and see a big metal shard from the plane stuck in your leg. The only way you’re going to survive is if you get out of this. It’s gonna hurt like hell but you have to do what you have to do.

You’re not that high above ground so you feel confident you can survive the fall to the ground. You unbuckle your seatbelt and fall to the ground on your ass. Pain erupts from the impact site but it’s nothing compared to the pain in your leg. The plane is broken up into dozens of pieces across a vast expanse of the jungle, and the first aid kit is located in one of those pieces.

If you remove the shard now, you can bleed out so you have to make sure you have the first aid kit with you before you do anything. You can’t put any pressure on your leg or else the shard will be forced out by the pressure, so you crawl over to the area where the first aid kit should be. Luck is on your side because you find it easily and you open it to see what you’re working with.

To prevent yourself from bleeding out, you remove one of your shoestrings so you can make a tourniquet. You tighten the shoestring so tight to cut off your blood supply to the area before yanking the shard out. You scream out in pain and reach into the first aid kit with shaky hands. There are needles and stitches since you thought it was a good idea to include those in first aid kits. You’re not the best when it comes to sewing but you try your best to close your wound.

You scream out in pain when the needle makes contact with your skin.

“Garcia, did you find anything?” JJ asks.

Penelope has not stopped looking for you and Hotch is on the phone with the Coast Guard. They might be able to help if they’d seen a plane go crashing down--if that’s what happened.

“I’m trying to find something I can use that--Wait! I found something. Reports are flooding in from a cruise ship that claims it saw a plane go crashing down in flames.”

“Oh, my God,” JJ whispers and lets her tears fall.

“Okay, I’ll be in touch,” Hotch says and hangs up. “Find that plane, Garcia.”

It hurt like a bitch but you managed to sew your skin together to keep your wound closed. Your hands and leg are covered in your blood, but no new blood has seeped out of your wound. Before you wrap the wound in gauze, you need to clean the wound. There isn’t much when it comes to cleaning solutions but there is a small stream of water close to where the plane crashed.

If you couldn’t put weight on your leg before, you certainly can’t do it now. You scoot along the ground over to where the stream is with the gauze in hand. This is a fresh water stream so it doesn’t burn when you clean your leg and wound. Once done, you place the gauze around your leg to prevent bugs and dirt from getting into the wound and infecting it. If you don’t receive medical care soon, you’re scared you’re going to lose your leg.

Who knows when you’re going to get found or if the BAU even knows you’re gone? You were on the phone with them when the plane landed so they must know something happened to you. When are you going to get found? Are you going to get found? What will happen to your leg if you don’t get to a hospital?

The first thing you need to do is find shelter because you’ve already found water to drink, which you take some time to rehydrate. You don’t have the best survival skills when it comes to this kind of stuff, but you do know you need to shelter yourself from the hot sun and the cold nights. Parts of the plane will have to do since you’re not sure how you’re going to build something with a busted leg and have no knowledge of how to do this.

Fortunately, there is a section of the plane that is hollow enough for you to fit comfortably inside. The next thing you need to do is build a fire to keep you warm during the night. Your parents sent you to summer camps when you were younger that taught you how to survive in the wild if you ever needed to, but that was such a long time ago. You used to be an expert at making fires but you haven’t used this skill in such a long time.

You can either use your glasses to magnify the sun to start a fire, use two rocks to create a spark, or rub two pieces of wood together to create enough friction for a fire. Either way, you’re stuck trying to make the fire all day. As long as the sun is still up, you have hope that a fire can be started before nightfall.

The only supplies you have are three guns and a knife Derek gifted to you for Christmas last year. If you want to eat, you’ll have to kill for it before the animals kill you. Besides the fire crackling next to you and the sounds of animals, there are no sounds to give you comfort. There is no doubt that the animals smell your blood and the dead bodies. They will come for you sooner or later, and you pray it’s the latter.

Don’t fall asleep. You’re scared they’ll get you if you fall asleep.

Penelope comes into work extra early to try and find where the plane is. No one got any good sleep knowing you’re out there suffering and JJ refused to sleep without you next to her. She is exhausted when she comes to work but she won’t stop until you’re found.

“Pen, did you find anything?” she yawns and grabs some coffee.

“I might have.” Both she and JJ walk to the briefing room where everyone else is. “So, I found the general area where Y/N could have landed, but it’s not an exact location.”

“That’s good, right?” Spencer asks.

“No. The problem is that there are twenty islands within that vicinity, and I can’t narrow down the list. She’s in the Bahamas.”

For being in the Bahamas, this fucking sucks. You’re in some kind of jungle with no one around you for hundreds of miles. Whatever went wrong with the plane, you don’t think you were meant to be a survivor. It could have been a mechanical failure, the pilot could have done this on purpose, or someone could have shot you out of the sky. Without your team here, you’re not sure how you crash-landed.

Your leg isn’t doing any better because it’s throbbing, and even through the bandages you can see how infected it is. You’re trying to wash it out with water every so often to keep it clean but it’s hard, and the first aid kit isn’t helping much anymore. You’re starving since you haven't eaten anything since before you left Florida. You haven’t had the heart to kill anything because you hate killing live animals. JJ often makes fun of you for not being able to kill a fly so it’s heartbreaking knowing you’ll have to kill an animal for food.

How long will you be able to live like this before you succumb to the sweet relief of death?

The first two islands that the BAU searched were a bust. They started with the smallest ones in hopes you’ll be there but nothing came up. It took a couple of days per island to search and the longer you go unfound, the more JJ’s heart breaks.

Days turned to weeks that turned to months, and you’re not sure if you’re ever going to go home. You’re lying on the ground in silence except for the animals who have definitely gotten closer to you. They’re eating through the dead bodies and will eventually make their way to you. You don’t have enough bullets to protect yourself with, but maybe you can make it another week.

At least the stars look pretty.

It takes weeks to scour through the bigger islands with the hope of finding you alive getting smaller and smaller. Half of the team believes you’re dead while the other half are starting to think that. JJ flat-out refuses to believe you’re gone until she sees a body. The only reason they’re still looking for you and wasting resources is that you’d do the same for them if they were lost. You’re part of their family and they need to find you dead or alive at this point.

Eventually, they reach one of the biggest islands in that group of twenty. They only have a few more islands to go through so if they don’t find you within those, there’s no telling where you can be.

“Y/N!” JJ yells as she treks through the dense forest. The rest of the team is behind her looking and calling out for you as well. There is a helicopter above you to get some aerial views of the islands. They walk a mile further into the island when they see the first sign that you’re here: part of the plane. “Guys! Look! Y/N!!”

You’re lying on the ground in so much pain from your leg and from your stomach. You’ve eaten very little since the crash so you’ve lost a lot of weight which means you’re so tired. You don’t have any bullets anymore to protect yourself but what’s the point if you’re going to die here anyway? You close your eyes to get some sleep when you hear your name being faintly called.

Are you hallucinating? This isn’t the first time you thought you heard your wife calling for you. Maybe this has been a really bad dream and you’re at home in bed with JJ. Your leg isn’t as bad as you thought it was going to be but it’s very red and oozing pus even through the gauze.

“Y/N!”

“I’m here,” you mutter weakly. The team follows the plane parts to where the main crash is and where you are. JJ gasps and runs over to you to make sure you’re alive. “You found me.”

“I’m right here. Oh, my God! Guys! I found her!” JJ cries.

Derek and Emily join JJ’s side to help you while the rest checks on the others even though it’s pretty clear they’re dead.

“They’ve been dead for months,” you groan as they help you sit up. “I’m so happy to see you guys.”

Hotch takes out his phone to contact the people in the helicopters.

“We found her. We need a medic down here.”

“You don’t have to worry anymore. You’re gonna be okay,” JJ promises.

You’re taken to the States immediately with JJ and Hotch in the helicopter with you while the others stay behind to get the dead bodies back to their families and to figure out why the plane went down. You’re taken into surgery as soon as you get to the hospital which lasted more than twenty-four hours. They saved your leg but you’re going to have to endure physical therapy for months to get you back to how you were walking before, and you might not even get there.

Still, you’d take this over dying alone any day.

You’re severely malnourished so you’re hooked up to IVs to give you the nutrients you’ve lacked for months.

“JJ?” you whisper.

She is by the window just thinking when she hears your voice. She quickly turns and joins your side by the bed. She takes your hand and kisses the back of it.

“What is it, baby?”

“I’m sorry if I worried you.”

“Don’t. This is not your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I tried for months to keep the animals off them, but I guess I wasn’t successful,” you cry. JJ wants to cry for you knowing what you must have gone through but she doesn’t let them fall. “I’m so hungry.”

“Do you want jello?”

“Yes, please,” you sniffle.

She leaves the room in search of some jello which gives you time to reflect on your future as a person and with the BAU. You’re not so sure you can continue this job because these last two months have changed you in ways you never thought you’d change, and you don’t think it’s for the better.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[chosos-mascara]

omg any choso fluff would do for me but, could you write a little something about him and reader going into a photo booth! i think that could be really cute, with all the poses and then getting to keep the pictures at end 🤭 i think choso would really like that

it took a while for choso to ask you out. weeks, if you were to be specific.

he wasn’t a regular to the small record store you worked in - you’d learn months later that in fact, it was an inconvenience to get to. a bus ride into the centre of town and then a twenty-or-so-minute walk had deterred him from venturing so far before, but when holed up on that side of town searching for a certain album, he found you.

a customer assistant. not a glamorous title, but god were you perfect. when he got talking to you, he realised you weren’t just cute but smart too, and not only that, you happened to know the artist he was looking for. out of stock, but it could be ordered in just for him if he’d return in a few days.

and, he did. not just for his album, but to see you again. the next visit he’d no excuse to travel so far when there were stores closer to him by miles, but he made the journey once again, and again, until you knew him by name. he’s wasted a stupid amount of money over the past two months on bus fayre and albums he didn’t need just for an excuse to see you again. the tenth or so visit, he asked you out: “there’s this local arcade that also serves drinks, if you’d like that.”

all night you’ve been playing with him, air hockey, racing games, guitar hero and some retro ones too. he’d passed up on the dance mat due to his clothing choice (he’s scared his hair would look a state, and his jewellery would likely make the ordeal uncomfortable) until you’d found yourself with a few coins left, and a photo booth in front of you.

“should we?” you ask him through an anxious grin - you think it’s the perfect way to commemorate the night, though you’re awfully worried he won’t feel the same way. your fears are eased when he breaks a small smile and gestures forward. you’re grinning as you step into the booth, sitting in the edge of the stool.

“there’s only one seat?” he asks, and you find yourself heating up a little when he watches you scooting up toward the booth wall.

“we can share?” you leave it up to him but you’re glad when he accepts, half of the small metal seat now occupied by him. he’s pretty squashed against you, his arm almost opening the curtain through the lack of space, his body tensing up from feeling you against him.

your heart is racing too because after all of this time crushing over him he’s so close, and so comfortable at your side. choso’s thigh is pressed on yours, his right arm on your left, and you’re trying not to focus on how amazing he feels pushed up onto you while you’re picking a template.

you decide on a string of four photos, a black and white filter over them.

you’re not sure how to pose for the first one, so there’s a some blur. both of you look a little awkward.

with the second, you remember there’ll be a three second countdown, and you use that time to put your head onto his shoulder. you’re shocked when he leans into you, and the flash goes to capture you in this moment.

for the third photo, you’re unsure, and a little late to decide as it captures the two of you face to face, a look of endearment as you’re staring into his eyes, wondering what he’s thinking.

you realise now, his breath is warm on your skin. you’re so close, so awfully close, and his eyes are lowering until you’re sure they rest on your lips.

he leans before you do, though you’re not far behind.

the fourth photo is captured when his mouth meets yours, but you won’t need a picture to remember exactly how this feels. you’re sure you’ll live in this forever, because this moment lasts so long with his lips over yours, a drawn out and heartfelt kiss filled with affection.

you pull back smiling, and he’s shyly matching your lovesick expression.

that little print out is under a magnet on your fridge two years later, in a home you share.

[captainlunaxmen]

All for the Cameras

Chapter 3

Finnick Odair x reader

This is a repost since the old blog doesn't work anymore. 🥰

Chapter summary: the plan is in motion

Chapter warnings: prostitution, drug use (on the bad guy, but still)

Masterlist

It's been a month since the talk with Plutarch... and I still can't believe it.

The rebellion is actually happening, district 13 still exists!

These are the thoughts that keep my mind sane. Plutarch said we need to be careful, he might have a plan... but we need people we can trust.

Of course.

I try to think of some people that would gladly help and that can be also trusted while I walk into the building Cal lives in. Unfortunately the rebellion hasn't properly started and I still have "duty" to do.

I take a deep breath as I enter the elevator and close my eyes for a moment, enough time for another person to enter with me. And I already know who this is.

"Finnick," I nod my head greeting him and open my eyes as the doors close.

"Sweetheart," he sends me one of his charming smile and nods his head too.

The ride to the last floor is pretty long and slow, it gives time for a small, awkward silence to fall for a while before Finnick speaks up.

"I heard... you know." He says, hands behind his back casually.

"Everybody knows apparently..." I sigh.

"Yeah... people can't stop talking about it. The talk of the town."

"If he wanted it to be a surprise, well, oops" I roll my eyes.

"He's been..." he pauses for a moment, shakes his head and looks up with an angry smile.

"What?" I press, "more possessive? More obsessed?"

"Yeah, since you left for the Victory tour he..." he starts, but I cut him off immediately.

"No, he's been like this since that day," I say, I feel him looking at me, but I don't have the heart of looking back.

"Do.... do you think he heard it?" He hesitantly asks, lowering his voice too, "there's no way he could've heard..."

"He must've. That's the only explanation." I tell him, lowering my own voice. "You chose the worse time of all."

"Well, I'm sorry... okay? I... wasn't thinking," he apologies.

"Clearly." I take another deep breath before speaking again, "you know sometimes I try to come out with as many way of killing him I can. Each of them ends up with me getting caught, because unfortunately he is who he is... but it helps."

"How many did you get last time?" He asks, a hint of an amused smile on his face.

"I think... uh... 6," I say, "oh no, 7... almost forgot about the spoon one."

He actually laughs and it helps me too, knowing that in the end we're on the same boat.

"I think... 13 would've been better." He says, he kind of emphasises the number. That makes my head turn to him, him already looking at me with a serious expression.

Could it be..?

So I dare ask.

"Did you talk to Plutarch?"

I see him opening his mouth to answer, but before anything could come out of it, the elevator's doors open and we are greeted by Cal himself ready with two glasses of wine.

"Welcome back, my lovelies." He cheers and he hands us the drinks, "finally all together. C'mon, c'mon."

As we enter his huge apartment I try to look at Finnick to get that answer, he does look at me, but I can't understand.

"Alright, let's sit for a bit, uh?" Cal lead us to his living room, motioning to a huge wooden table... with only two seats...

Cal take a seat and looks at us, expecting.

"Uhm... should I go get another seat or..?" Finnick tries to take it lightly, but one thing is worse than having to spend the night with Cal Kingslay... not knowing what Cal Kingslay has in store.

"Oh no need, c'mon Finnick sit." Cal tells him and Finnick obeys, looking at me confused.

"And.. what about me?" I ask, also trying to play it cool.

"Oh before you sit," Cal stands up to come up to me, it takes everything in me not to take a step back... or even run, "I got a little gift for you. It's in the bedroom."

"Aw.. that's sweet, but you really shouldn't have." I say, hoping he doesn't feel the tremble in my voice.

"We have to make up for lost time, sweetheart. Now go, then come back here." He instructs.

"Sure..." I fake smile at him, steal a quick glance at a tense Finnick and head to the bedroom.

The bedroom, just as huge, hosts a big round bed, a small couch in front of it and nothing much else. I notice a package on the bed, I go to open and find... of course...

I scoff as I look at the deep red lingerie set he bought me. I put it on, constantly rolling my eyes, the only act of defiance I can afford, I wear the matching rope and head back to the living room.

"Oh look at her!" Cal exclaims as I near, "I knew that was your color. Isn't she a beauty, Finnick?"

"Yes." Is all Finnick says, his eyes fixed on me with a loving, yet sad, expression in them.

Cal suddenly grabs my hand and pull me to him, making me sit in his lap.

"Alright, now let's chat a little." He says as his hands caress my thighs and sides, whatever he could touch, "I really want to know what happened on this tour."

"Well... nothing much, really. Usual tour... with two victors, but the usual," I laugh it off, putting my hands on Cal's in a poor attempt of keeping them steadier.

I look at Finnick, who's even more tense than before, eyes locked on Cal's hands on me.

"So nothing happened?" Cal presses, grip getting tighter, " nothing? Not even with Peeta Mellark?"

I actually laugh at that.

"With Peeta?" I ask, "why?"

"At the party, at the President's residence, the way he touched you..." he holds me tighter.

"He just wanted to dance, Cal... he's so in love with Katniss, he doesn't look at anyone else." I try to chuckle to make him see how absurd his assumptions are.

"Then why not ask any other woman there?" He keeps holding me.

I look at Finnick, who's ready to jump into action, but at the same time knows he can't do anything.

"Because he's shy." I say, "he might seem like an outgoing guy, but he's really not. He asked me probably because I'm his friend. " I try to stress the word 'friend' to make him understand.

"Yeah, I got to talk to him for a few minutes when they were in 4, he didn't talk much, only awkwardly smiled and let out just a few words." Finnick lies, and thanks to that Cal lets go a little, going back at caressing my thighs. I look at Finnick grateful and he slightly nods.

"You have a talent in making people feel at ease with you, don't you?" Cal compliments and rest his chin on my shoulder, "I really missed you. Did you miss me too?"

"Oh, but of course," I fake another smile as he starts to kiss my neck.

His kisses get more heated as he goes, I look everywhere except Finnick, I can't stand it, not after last time.

"Mmh, fuck," he breaths out, "you smell so good, my sweetness, let's go to the bedroom, shall we, lovelies?"

Cal doesn't give me any time to stand up, he picks me up and, bridal style, he takes me to the bedroom, followed by Finnick.

Cal gently puts me on the bed, goes and sits down on the small couch.

"Take your clothes of, Finnick, leave your underwear on," he instructs, getting comfortable on the couch.

Finnick does as he was told, standing only in his underwear. He's surely been working out while I was gone...

"I want you on your knees in front of her," Cal orders him, "and you, my precious princess, spread those legs for him, okay?"

Finnick comes kneel in front of me, I spread my legs to let him in, avoiding his eyes, that, I know are on me.

"Oh that's good." Cal praises, "now, touch her."

I softly gasp at feeling Finnick's hand on my thigh.

"Not too much, Finnick, you know the rules. No kissing unless I say so."

Finnick only nods and keeps on caressing my tigh bringing it a little closer so his face lightly touches it.

"Look at him, sweetheart, look at him,"

This is how these meetings usually go: Cal tells us how he wants to see us, what he wants us to do, sometimes he just likes to watch and sometimes he like to "play" too.

I don't know if he's so delusional to think we too enjoy this or he just loves control so much that he doesn't care at all.

That's how the "date" went, all night.

Cal enjoying his power over us, he particularly enjoyed teasing Finnick.

"How does it feel like? Knowing she'll never be yours?" He would ask. "You wouldn't be able to touch her if it wasn't for me," "You'll never see her unless I say so." And so on...

"I'll see you soon, my loves," Cal says, leading us back to the elevator, his hand in mine.

"It's never going to be too soon," Finnick's charming smile seems to convince him.

"Never," I agree as we're standing in front of the elevator.

Cal spins me around and kisses me. I'm so stunned, I don't even reciprocate until he squeezes my waist.

"I could never get enough of that," Cal humms, letting me go.

"Feeling's mutual," I say turning around, grateful for the doors to open in that moment.

"Bye bye" he waves and we do the same, keeping up our fake smiles until the doors finally close.

"Oh fuck..." I let out a sigh of relief and unconsciously lean against Finnick's taller frame, who gently wraps an arm around me.

"Feeling's mutual," Finnick says, sighing too.

"Okay... uh... listen," I start, pulling away from his embrace, "we do need to find a way to talk. This ride might be long, but it's not enough..."

"I know... I might have an idea, but you'll have to trust me," he tells me confidently.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Trust me, alright?"

I sigh, but nod.

"Main things... uh... did you talk to Plutarch then?"

"That I did, asked for my company, I thought he was one of the usual stuff, but thankfully it wasn't." He tells me, "you?"

"Same thing, do you know anyone else... knowing?" I ask.

"There are lots of victors who might be involved, but I can't say for sure..." he speaks quietly, "maybe Johanna..."

"Definitely believable," I comment, "you know, I think Haymitch too.. both him and Plutarch said the same exact thing to me and... it just makes sense."

"What about the lovebirds?" He says making quotations with his fingers as he says 'lovebirds'.

"I don't think so..." I shake my head, "Katniss is too focused on wanting to protect her family, to think of a rebellion."

"Alright... it's still a start, don't you think?" He smiles at me.

"Yeah..." I say bitterly.

"What's that tone?" He's concern now.

"Nothing... I just don't want to keep my hopes up, you know?" I look down at my hands, avoiding his eyes.

"Hey... C'mon, look at me, Y/n." He gently takes my hand and pulls me to him.

I reluctantly, but not so much, look up at him, at his reassuring eyes. Sometimes all I want to do is get lost in them and never find my way back, but it's a luxury I can't afford, not right now.

I shake my head turning away from him.

"Listen... I want to hope we might have a shot, okay? I really do... it's just hard after everything," I say, bouncing my leg.

"I know," he sighs, "but, I mean, we've been hoping this whole time... might as well keep it up."

"I guess..." I smile at him, losing myself again in his eyes, I see him leaning closer, but I stop him, I have to. "Don't."

"I'm sorry..." he awkwardly smiles, "don't push me away like this." He whispers, cautiously taking my hand again, "Please."

"We can't... uh... I don't feel the same way... and... you should..." I stutter out, focusing on our hands instead of his face.

"You know you can't like to me, I know you all too well, love," he chuckles and I shake my head.

"We can't," I say and luckily the doors open and I rush out leaving Finnick behind.

I walk as fast as I can to the car, hoping to get home faster so I can freely cry and scream.

Once I get home I jump on my bed, burying my face in the pillows and just let everything out.

Of all people... why him? Love is so unfair...

No... no, not love... this is not love... I'm not in love with him and he is not in love with me.

That was just a trauma response... yes... yes. Nothing more.

He can't actually love me. If he actually did he could get killed because of it... but if it's not actual love, he's safe... yeah, yeah, he's safe. Nothing to worry about...

This is all I think about as I cry myself to sleep.

----------

"You said what?" I almost yell at Plutarch, almost because I don't want to risk being heard.

"He has to trust me. I can't just say 'leave her alone people will forget about her', can I?" Plutarch sighs, pouring whiskey into my glass, which I gladly take.

"I guess not," I let out a sigh, tapping nervously my glass, "what if you're right, though? What if they actually arrive to hate her so much to kill her themselves?"

"Do you think that would happen?" He asks, knowing already my answer.

"No..." I sit back down, "no, sorry, I'm just... scared shitless, alright?"

He nods understanding.

"I need to ask you one thing, miss L/n, and I need you to be honest," He says and I nod for him to ask away, "do you trust me?"

I look at him properly, trying to see if in his eyes there's even a tiny bit of malice.

"I do." I say.

"Good. There will be some things you shouldn't know, not because you might get caught, but because some things will require a genuine reaction from you," he explains with a serious tone.

"I understand." I nod, "Yeah, no problem. I just hope I would be able to help despite Cal" I say his name with a disgusted noise.

"We'll deal with that too," he reassures me with a small smile.

"Thanks," I say drinking some whiskey, "this thing will never happen too soon."

"I know,"

"May I ask... why do you trust me?" I ask, "I mean, to everyone's eyes I'm Snow's protégé... why do you trust me?"

"Haymitch Abernathy doesn't just trust anyone." Is his simple answer, "I'm sure you know that."

I nod, satisfied with the answer.

"They will send more peacekeepers to 12 tomorrow." He tells me.

"Yeah? I'm sure they're eager to start with the punishments" I comment bitterly.

"Yep."

"Katniss won't just stand there and watch." I warn him.

"I know," he says confidently.

I scan his face, he's not worried about it, he's certain and confident as if he planned it.

"You hope she does something," I accuse.

"Haymitch was right about you," he lightly chuckles, "you are smart."

"Don't change the subject, Heavensbee. This is an opportunity, isn't it?" I ask again, he nods, "if Katniss is the fighter I know she is... you'll get your opportunity."

"We'll get our opportunity," he corrects me raising his glass and I do the same.

"I hope you're right about this rebellion, Heavensbee. I really hope." I say and take a sip of whiskey.

And Katniss did something, indeed. It helped that her best friend was the one getting punished. The fact that both Haymitch and Peeta intervened was even better apparently, according to Plutarch. This is one of the parts of the plan I can't know apparently, but he seemed confident so I trust him...

Hope.

We're all depending on that.

-----------

"We'll finally be able to talk tonight," Finnick whispers to me as we stand in the elevator.

"How?" I ask, confused about what he has in mind.

He smiles and shows me what's inside a little bag he brought. A bottle of wine.

"You're gonna drug him?" I ask shocked.

"A tiny bit," he chuckles, "he'll also need to eat this," he shows me a small box of chocolates, "the drug will activate with both, the wine alone is ineffective."

"Yeah... because not drinking would feel suspicious, but we never eats so if we say no to the chocolate... no problem at all," I reason, "genius."

"I have my moments," he smiles proudly and I return the smile.

"I thought..." he clears his voice, "I thought we could also talk about... us?"

"Finnick..." I warn.

"We would have time..." he insists.

"There's no us, okay? Stop it." I sternly say.

"Keeo telling yourself that," he whispers.

From there the ride is silent until we arrive at Cal's apartment.

"Good evening, loves!" He greets us as usual, "how are my favourite people?"

"A little tired, you know, Snow wanted me to check some old records" I lie, not completely I really am tired, but of him.

"I'm actually fresh as a flower," Finnick starts, "I actually would like to celebrate,"

"Oh really?" Cal asks and grabs my hand to pull me to him.

"Yeah, I found this old bottle of fine wine in my home and I thought 'what better time to drink it if not with Cal Kingslay?', you know?" He takes the bottle out and soon after the box.

"And that?" Cal's intrigued.

"Oh this is a special gift for you, to thank you for your generosity," Finnick's ability to lie and charm him leave me stunned everytime.

"Aw that's sweet of you," Cal takes both the bottle and the box, "we'll share the box, loves."

"Oh, Cal, I'm sorry, but I'll have to gently decline, I ate so much today. Maybe later, okay?" I use the sweetest voice I can as he puts the objects on the table. I try to ignore how Finnick's jaw tense when I do this.

"Whatever you say, princess, as long as you say my name like that..." he turns to me wrapping both arms around my waist to pull me completely against his body.

"Alright, big guy," I try to nonchalantly pull away from him, "let's toast, shall we?"

"Of course!" Cal exclaims, taking the bottle and sending a grateful nod at Finnick. He goes to pour three glasses, "to what should we toast?"

"How about the Quartel Quell?" Finnick asks as he takes the glass from Cal's hand.

"Love that!" Cal cheers handing me a glass too, "here, princess."

"Thank you, Cal," I say, using his name again for good measure and he grins at that.

"To the third Quarter Quell!" Cal raises his glass and we quickly follow.

One each of us took a sip of wine, Finnick goes to open the box, offering it to Cal.

"Here."

"Oh so kind," Cal smirks, "you don't mind if I take two, do you?"

"Oh, but of course not, take as many as you want," Finnick gives him his usual charming smile as Cal takes two chocolates.

"You know I love sweets," Cal says putting both candy in his mouth, "mmh! So good!"

"Old recipe," Finnick explains.

I watch the scene, tense, I hope Finnick's plan works...

Not even moment later, Cal goes to sit holding his head.

"Hey, something wrong?" I fake concern.

"No... no I'm good," Cal tries to stand up again, but apparently his legs can't hold him up.

"Alright, let's get you to bed. Maybe you're just a little more tired than you think," I say, he let me help him to bed.

"Fuck..." he groans, once he's laying down, "I was really in the mood,"

"Don't worry, rest a bit, and if you feel like it later... we're here," I reassure him, but actually hoping he won't.

"Thank you, my love," he says drifting off to sleep.

I cautiously walks back out of the room and back to Finnick.

He looks at me with expectation written all over his face.

"He's asleep," I whisper, with the biggest smile.

"Yes!" He whisper-shouts.

"God... I wish we could do it every single time," I sigh relieved.

"Unfortunately he would get suspicious, but it's a nice dream," Finnick agrees.

"How much time do you think we have?" I ask sitting with him at the table.

"About... 2 hour and a half... maybe more since he took two chocolates," he explains.

"That's great... this might mean we wouldn't even have to do anything at all..." I chuckle and Finnick does too.

"Alright..." he lowers his voice, "I'm pretty sure, a very good part of the Victors are part of this thing"

"Well, Haymitch for sure... but I don't think he will let Katniss and Peeta know anything," I tell him.

"Why not?" He asks frowning.

"Katniss is basically supervised everywhere she goes... it would be too risky..." I explain simply, "do you know what happened today?"

"What?"

"New Peacemakers arrived in 12," I start, "Plutarch suggested more severe punishments,"

"What? Why?" Finnick almost exclaims, there's a deeper frown on his face now.

"It's a way to let himself in, Snow will never trust him otherwise." I sigh, "it sucks, I know. If Snow grows suspicious, we're fucked."

"I know," he sounds defeated.

"But the thing is," I start again, "this, according to Plutarch, created a perfect opportunity. He was so confident today when I saw him leaving a meeting with Snow, I think the plan is in motion."

" I can't fucking believe," he genuinely smiles, "it's really happening... and I mean, can you believe 13 is still alive?"

"I know!" I exclaim in a whisper, I wish I could just shout it sometimes, "it's crazy."

"You know... for the first time I saw some hope in Mags and not just defeat."

I smile at that, I know how important Mags is for him. When I was assigned to assisting district 4's mentors, Mags was always so kind to us... treating us like family.

"That's really nice to hear," I softly say, gently putting a hand on top of his.

He waits a moment before covering my hand with his other one, stroking it gently. I really should pull away, but this gentle, genuine touch is something I haven't felt in a long time. I look up, Finnick's already looking my way with a soft smile.

"You know, I can't wait." He says.

"For..." I clear my voice, "for what?"

"Finally kiss you." He simply states.

"Finnick... for the millionth time..."

"You don't feel the same... yeah, yeah, yeah." He interrupts me, standing up and taking me with him, "you can lie to yourself, but not to me. What I feel for you is-"

"Is not real." It's my turn to interrupt him.

"Oh yeah? Why's that?" He challenges.

"Oh god..." I let out a frustrated sigh, "it's just trauma response, okay? You don't love me, Finn. And I don't love you."

"Okay... so... why didn't you pull away yet and you're letting me, basically, cuddle you?" He challenges again, this actually makes me notice how close we are and how his hands are gently caressing and massaging my body.

I instantly pull away, earning a small laugh from him.

"You really need to stop it," I say, to convince myself, rather than him.

"But you're just so beautiful," he smirks, but it not like Cal's smirk... it's playful, he's not making me uncomfortable, he's just teasing, I know that if he actually made me uncomfortable he would stop right away.

"Alright, stop it." I can't help but let out a chuckle.

"You don't believe yourself either... C'mon." He walks closer to me, "dance with me."

"There's not music and I don't think putting something on will help our case with the sleeping beauty," I remind him.

"Just dance with me, c'mon, love," he holds his hand out for me to take and I do. I let him pull me to him and slowly moving to an imaginary rhythm.

He holds me to me him with so much care I could just melt here and now. I have to admit, it does feel nice.

I just keep reminding myself that it's not love, but two people comforting each other... right?

Right?

As I let Finnick lead, my mind can't help but go to next week event... the announcement of the third Quarter Quell... and my engagement.

I try to shake away the thought and focus on Finnick's body close to mine, how his taller frame is not imposing or constricting, but protective.

I try to focus on the fact that Plutarch's plan is probably going to work... hope.

All I focus about: hope and Finnick.

I'm afraid the two aren't so different for me.

------------

The crowd is cheering like never before.

It's the announcement of the third Quarter Quell, after all.

I watch Snow taking his place in front of all Capitol's citizens, I sit with the rest of 'Capitol's elite' in the back, waiting for the big theme of this year's games.

I can't help but slightly bounce my leg, knowing what's coming after that.

"Are you okay, my sweetness?" Cal's voice startles me, I almost forgot he was next to me.

"Yeah," I force out a smile, "just excited to discover the theme of this year,"

"Plutarch didn't tell you?" He asks taken aback, "I thought he wanted you as an assistant, maybe he didn't have the chance yet... I hope I didn't ruin any surprise,"

"Oh, don't worry, Cal," I say, "I'll try to act surprised."

He smiles at me and I now try to contain my excitement, real excitement. Plutarch did find a way of creating chances for me to stay away from Cal.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," Snow starts and my attention is back on him, "This is the 75th year of the Hunger Games" he announces and che crowd cheers and screams, "and it was written in the charter of the Games that every 25 years, there would be a Quarter Quell to keep fresh for each new generation the memory of those who died in the uprising against The Capitol. Each Quarter Quell is distinguished by Games of a special significance. And now on this, the 75th anniversary of pur defeat of the rebellion, we celebrate the third Quarter Quell..." as the crowd cheers again, Snow takes out a chard, "... as a reminder that even the strongest cannot overcome the power of the Capitol."

Wait...

"On this, the third Quarter Quell Games, the male and female Tributes"

I don't like this...

"Are to be reaped from the existing pool of Victors in each district."

I can't help my shocked expression, what...? I try to look for Plutarch, but I can't see him.

"Victors shall present themselves on Reaping Day, regardless of age, state of health or situation."

This is the last place I want to be right now, i can't even listen to any more words from the President's mouth.

I don't even know what to think... if this is Plutarch's idea, I really don't know what he thinks he would get from it...

Oh god...

Finnick...

Finnick said a good part of the Victors are part of this rebellion... maybe that's what Plutarch has in mind.

Fuck.

I snap back at the present when I feel Cal's hand touching mine.

"And now," Snow's voice completely grounds be back, "our very own, Cal Kingslay, would like to say a few words,"

Cal stands up and joins Snow at the front.

"Thank you, president. It's an honour being here today, to celebrate this very special third Quarter Quell," the crowd applauses, "and... I want to thank every single person here today for the support they showed after my father's passing. So I thought to share the following moment with you all,"

My chest tightens, my heart is pounding inside so much it feel like it's about to explode... and I would be glad if it happened.

"There's one person, who's always being there for me... she's the one who always knows hot to make me smile, I only need to think of her and I'm suddenly a lot better... that is why..."

He turns around and walks towards me, my eyes are wide open. I try to make it seems like I'm excited and not absolutely terrified.

He comes in fron of me and goes down on one knee.

"Shit.." I breath out. He nervously smile as he takes something from his jacket.

The interaction would've felt like a very sweet moment... in other circumstances.

"So, Y/n L/n would you give me the honour of becoming my wife?" He asks, opening a small box revealing a silver ring with a stone embedded.

He looks at me and I look at Snow, who's looking at me with a look I know all too well.

"Do it or there would be consequences."

I look back at Cal and move my hand to make him stand, I don't think I would be able to speak without betraying myself, so... I kiss him.

[startwelve]

Feeling love's strange

Hellooooo Well I love the band Black Sabbath, rockers and Goddess Maddy... so I wrote this shit Hope you like!!!

Maddy Perez was accustomed to the fast-paced and party-filled life in California. But everything changed when a new boy moved to town. He was different from the others: he had a rough appearance, listened to heavy rock, and most notably, he had a motorcycle that accompanied him everywhere.

From the moment she saw him, Maddy felt a strange attraction to him. Although his defiant image contrasted with her lifestyle, she couldn't help but feel intrigued. She wanted to know him beyond appearances and discover what lay behind that facade.

At one of the famous weekend parties, Maddy attended with Cassie, Lexi, Rue, and Jules. For most of the party, Maddy danced, drank, and avoided eye contact with her ex-boyfriend Nate. At one point, a jerk on the dance floor grabbed her face and kissed her. Maddy pushed him away, slapped him, and left the crowd to go to the bathroom to fix her ruined makeup.

Maddy was looking at herself in the mirror when someone entered the bathroom. It was him. She couldn't help but glance at him, intrigued by his appearance and mysterious aura.

"¿Hello, do you mind if I join you here? This place is a bit crowded," he said, smiling slightly.

Maddy looks at him and smiles.

"Sure, go ahead. No problem." She bites her lower lip. "By the way, I've never seen you at these parties before. Are you new in town?"

"That's right. My name is Roger," he introduced himself.

"I'm Maddy."

"Lovely name, Maddy," Roger said subtly, savoring the girl's name. "I moved here recently. Came in search of a fresh start, I suppose," Roger said and shrugged.

"A fresh start, huh? Sounds interesting," Maddy said curiously as she crossed her arms. "And what specifically brought you to California?"

Roger leaned on the sink and took a cigarette from the pocket of his jeans, lit it, and took a drag, under Maddy's watchful eye.

"Freedom, I guess. I wanted to escape my old life and experience something different. Also, I like the weather here and the vibe of the city," he chuckled softly. "And, of course, the music."

"Music? What kind of music do you like?" Maddy asked interested.

"Heavy rock. It's my passion. Music has a unique way of expressing what I feel, and heavy rock makes my heart beat faster," he said with a spark of excitement in his eyes.

"I understand what you mean. Music is my escape too, but I tend to lean more towards a different style, something softer and melodic."

"So, I guess we're like polar opposites in that sense. But maybe that's what makes it interesting," Roger said with a grin.

Maddy laughed. "Yes, I suppose so." She moved a little closer to him. "But sometimes they say that opposites attract."

"That's true. And I think I might be feeling that attraction right now."

Maddy blushed slightly and nervously played with a strand of her hair.

"Oh, really? Well, I guess it could be mutual."

Roger leaned in a bit closer to her, crouching a bit to reach her height, and looked into her eyes, whispering, "Why don't we find out?"

Maddy took a deep breath and felt drawn to him.

"Maybe we should."

She leaned in, and their lips met in a passionate kiss, tasting the alcohol and tobacco on each other's lips.

The background music and noise from the party faded away as Maddy and the motorcycle boy immersed themselves in their own world, exploring the connection they had just discovered in the middle of the party.

The unexpected encounter only fueled Maddy's desire to get to know the motorcycle boy better. They started to meet casually, sharing laughs and conversations about music, life, and dreams. Although their worlds seemed opposite, they found a deep connection between them.

With time, Maddy discovered that behind his rough appearance, the boy was someone sensitive, passionate about music, and had a heart full of dreams. And he, in turn, admired Maddy's courage and authenticity, how she was different from the other girls he had met.

The End

[fictional-at-heart]

You’ll Never Be Alone, I Promise You

Fandom: Billy the Kid (2022)

Characters: Billy, Dulcinea

Tags: Sickfic, whump, angst, hurt/comfort-ish

Summary: Billy gets an unexpected visitor one night, which turns out to be a very sick Dulcinea.

Requested by MidnightOcelot on AO3🫶🏻

——————————————————————————

Billy startled as he heard a knock on the door. He quickly grabbed his gun and slowly walked over to the door, making sure it was cocked. It was storming pretty hard, so he found it strange that someone would be knocking this late on a stormy night. Unless Charlie had come to warn him of trouble?

Another knock came again, a little bit harder than the last. Billy reached the window by the door, using his gun to part the curtain slightly. He couldn’t see much through the window, but he was able to make out a feminine figure. He lowered his gun slightly, opening the door a crack. He opened it wider when he saw Dulcinea standing on the porch soaking wet.

“Billy?” she asked quietly. She sounded near tears. “I-I didn’t know who else to go to…”

More on AO3

He pulled her inside quickly, setting his gun aside and shutting the door.

“Dulcinea, what’s wrong?” he asked, holding her arms and looking into her eyes. She swayed slightly with a sniff, then covered her mouth as she coughed. Billy felt the color drain from his face as he realized why she was here.

“M-my family’s out of town,” she started, wiping at her face. “I know I probably should have gone to the doctor, but you were closer…”

She trailed off, her knees buckling slightly. Billy stopped her before she could collapse, scooping her up bridal style and holding her close.

“Shh, it’s alright,” he soothed her, walking to his bedroom. The Regulators were away at the moment, fulfilling an errand for Tunstall. Billy had stayed back, mainly to keep an eye on things while they were gone, but also to just have some free time to himself. He carefully laid her down on his bed as she coughed again. He brought his hand to her cheek.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” he told her. “I’m going to grab some towels so we can dry you off.”

She nodded as he leaned down to kiss her forehead. He tried to keep back the panic that was building as he realized she also had a high fever. He came back a few moments later with his arms full of blankets, towels, and a set of clothes. He set them down next to her, grabbing a towel and gently dabbing her face with it.

“D’ya think you can change?” he asked her. “I don’t wanna keep you in these wet clothes, it’ll just make you worse.”

“I can do that,” she replied quietly with a shiver. Billy worked his arm behind her shoulders, gently pulling her up.

“Let’s get you sittin’, ‘kay?” he said, wrapping a towel around her shoulders. “Best I got’re some of my clothes, but I promise they’re clean.”

She laid her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes with a shudder.

“Thank you, Billy,” she whispered. He brought one hand up to her forehead, smoothing back her wet hair, while the other rubbed the towel against her arm.

“I’ll leave you alone for a minute to change,” he said before planting a kiss to the side of her head. “If you feel like you’re gonna pass out, call for me. I’ll be right outside the door.”

She smiled slightly, turning to face him.

“My Billy. Always the gentleman.”

He smiled as he stood up, making sure she was sitting on her own.

“I mean it,” he told her. “I’ll be right outside the door.”

She nodded. “I’ll let you know when I’m done.”

He paused at the door, then left the room, shutting the door behind him. He paced in front of the door as he waited for her to finish changing. He hated sickness. Not that he was scared of getting sick himself; what he hated about it was what it had taken from him in the past. Any time someone he cared about started coughing, he felt a pit of dread settle in his stomach. He ran a hand through his hair as he thought back to before he came to Lincoln County. First Joe. Then Ma. Both to the same sickness. He wasn’t about to lose Dulcinea to sickness, too. He wouldn’t allow it. He’d do everything in his power to keep her here with him.

“Billy?” he heard her call out. “You can come back in.”

He opened the door and entered the room, seeing Dulcinea sitting on the edge of the bed. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her in his clothes; she was wearing his striped blue and gray shirt, and it was definitely oversized on her. The sleeves came down past her hands, which he found adorable.

“Hey, whadda ya know?” he said, sitting down next to her and pulling her close. “My clothes look better on you than they do me.”

She wrapped her arms around his middle.

“No they don’t,” she replied with a small giggle, hugging him tight. “They’re too big.”

Billy shrugged. “But it’s cute.”

“I had to roll up the pant legs.”

He glanced down at her feet and laughed.

“So ya did. But like I said; they look better on you than they do me.”

He gently laid her back down on the bed, pulling the blankets over her and kissing her forehead.

“I’m gonna go hang up your dress so it’ll dry,” he told her, his hand on her arm. “I’ll be right back, darlin’. Need anything to eat?”

She shook her head, turning on her side and clutching the blankets to her chest. He nodded, pushing aside a wet strand of hair that had fallen onto her cheek. He stood up, grabbing the pile of wet clothes and damp towels and left the room, heading for the fireplace. He pulled a chair from the table over near the fireplace and draped her soaked dress over the back of it. He then went to the kitchen and poured a glass of water before walking back to Dulcinea, bringing a bucket of water as well. He set the glass of water and bucket down on the nightstand, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“I’m gonna give you some water, ‘kay?” He gently stroked the side of her head as she nodded, leaning up on her elbow. “Can’t have you gettin’ dehydrated on me, can I?”

She smiled as she accepted the water from him, taking some sips before handing it back and laying back down.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. Billy frowned, putting his hand against her cheek.

“What for, darlin’?”

“I shouldn’t have come here,” she replied with a sniff. “What if I get you sick too?”

Billy shook his head, taking off his boots and carefully settling in next to her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close as she coughed.

“Don’t you worry ‘bout that,” he told her, rubbing her arm gently. “We’re just gonna worry ‘bout gettin’ you better. When will your family be back?”

She wrapped her arm across his stomach, snuggling her body closer to his and laying her head on his chest. “Not for another couple of days.”

“I’ll have you all better by then,” he said, pushing her hair behind her ear. “I don’t have any medicine here though. Mainly jus’ stuff for injury.”

“That’s okay,” she said quietly, closing her eyes and shivering. Billy frowned as his fingertips brushed her feverishly hot forehead. The fever was what concerned him. Small colds didn’t worry him, but when a fever accompanied them… that’s when he started to feel the same helplessness he felt when Joe and his mother had started to get worse. He reached over with one hand to grab a cloth and dip it into the bucket of water, squeezing out the excess water and placing it on her forehead.

“That feel okay?” he asked. She nodded in response, letting a small sigh escape.

“It feels good,” she told him, leaning her head back slightly to rest on his shoulder. “Has anyone ever told you you’re great at caring for the sick?”

Billy smiled sadly. “I guess I’ve just had lots of practice.”

Dulcinea hummed in response, gripping his shirt slightly with her fingers and snuggling closer to him. He pulled the blanket over her shoulder, then refreshed the cloth on her head. He leaned his cheek against the top of her head and rubbed her arm, hoping that she wouldn’t get worse.

——————————————————————————

The night was a restless one for both of them. Billy tried to keep Dulcinea comfortable as she kept shifting uncomfortably, eventually leaving the bed to refresh the cool water for her. He came back with the water and set it down, walking over to glance out the window. He judged it to be about three in the morning, and the storms had stopped. He opened the window to let some cooler air in, then pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down. He gently grabbed Dulcinea’s hand and held on tight, placing a kiss on her knuckles.

“Don’t you leave me too, Dulcinea,” he said quietly, still gripping her hand. She turned her head slightly, a quiet groan escaping her lips as he looked at her sadly.

“I lost too many people I love t’ sickness,” he continued, moving one hand to push her hair off of her face before wiping at his eye. “I couldn’t bear it if I lost you, too. You’re the best thing to happen to me in a long time.”

He leaned his elbows on the bed, holding her hand and letting his head rest on top of their joined hands. He watched as Dulcinea shifted uncomfortably again with a groan, giving her hand a slight squeeze.

——————————————————————————

Billy woke up to feel fingers combing through his hair. He lifted his head in confusion and saw Dulcinea smiling slightly at him, her fingers continuing to massage his scalp. He rubbed at his face as he remembered what happened the night before; he must have fallen asleep sometime in the night, still in the chair with his head on the bed. He sat up and stretched, then reached for Dulcinea’s head.

“Good morning,” she said as he felt her forehead.

“Mornin’,” he replied with a smile. “Your fever’s gone down. Feel any better?”

She shrugged as he moved to sit on the bed next to her. “Not much, if I’m being honest.”

“Did ya sleep at all?” he asked, rubbing her leg through the blankets. “Seemed like you were restless all night.”

“I’m not sure… I think I slept some.”

Billy nodded, still rubbing her leg. “Are ya hungry at all? I can make up some eggs.”

Dulcinea shrugged. “Not really, but I can try.”

He smiled, cupping her cheek before getting up to make breakfast.

“I can go to town and get some medicine today,” he said, standing up. Dulcinea reached out and grabbed his arm.

“No, please don’t,” she pleaded as he looked back at her. “I… I don’t want to be alone,” she added quietly.

Billy leaned down and kissed her cheek.

“I won’t leave ya if you don’t want me to, darlin’,” he told her, stroking her jaw with his thumb. She smiled, leaning into his touch.

“Thank you, Billy,” she replied, looking up at him. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

He gave her a smile, grabbing her hand and bringing it up to kiss it.

“Anything you need, I hope you know I’ll always be there,” he told her, standing up and heading for the doorway. He glanced back at her and smiled before heading to the kitchen.

——————————————————————————

Billy turned around from the stove when he heard movement behind him. Dulcinea stood in the doorway to the kitchen, her hand on the doorframe.

“Dulcinea!” Billy said, leaving the eggs on the stove and rushing over to her. One hand went to her waist, the other to her head.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, looking her over worriedly. “You shouldn’t be out of bed.”

She smiled, leaning her face into his hand.

“I got tired of being alone in there,” she told him, pulling out of his arms and heading for the table. She sat down in one of the chairs. “I wanted to be with you. You said yourself my fever was down.”

He frowned, walking back to the stove so breakfast didn’t burn.

“I said it went down, not that it was gone completely.”

“You don’t need to worry, Billy,” she said softly. He glanced behind his shoulder at her. “I’m fine.”

“I can’t help it. It’s just…” He trailed off, taking the eggs off of the stove and putting them on the table.

“Just what?” Dulcinea asked as he brought over two plates. He sat down next to her, unusually quiet as he filled a plate and handed it to her.

“You can tell me, Billy,” she said, putting her hand over his on the table. She covered her mouth with her other arm and coughed before continuing. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but you can.”

Billy looked at her sadly, then sighed, looking down.

“I used to not worry so much about sickness,” he started quietly. “At least not ‘til I lost my little brother and my ma to sickness.”

Dulcinea squeezed his hand, staying quiet so he could continue.

“Since then, if someone I care about gets sick,” he continued, “it makes me think back to losing them, and it makes me worry.”

He looked away with a small sniff, rubbing at his face. Dulcinea rubbed his hand with her thumb, her other hand going to his cheek.

“Oh, Billy… I had no idea, I’m so sorry,” she told him. He looked to her, giving her a small smile.

“‘S alright,” he replied a little sadly. “Can’t be helped. You hungry?”

She nodded and grabbed a fork. “I actually am now, at least a little bit.”

He reached over and felt her face.

“Your fever might be gone now,” he said with a smile, his hand trailing down the side of her face. Dulcinea smirked at him.

“You know, I’m beginning to think that’s an excuse to touch my face,” she told him. He smiled mischievously, pushing her hair behind her ear and cupping her jaw, his thumb stroking her cheek.

“I don’t need an excuse to touch your face, darlin’,” he said, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. She blushed, looking down at her plate and taking a bite. He turned his attention to his own plate, but gave her a sideways glance. “And I really do mean what I said, by the way. You look better in my clothes.”

“Impossible,” she replied, suppressing a laugh.

——————————————————————————

After Billy had washed the dishes and sent Dulcinea back to bed, much to her protest, he came back into the bedroom where she was sitting up in the bed.

“How’re you feelin’?” he asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“A lot better since the fever broke,” she told him. “I’m just tired.”

“Well, we can’t have that,” Billy replied, taking off his boots and getting into bed next to her, patting his shoulder. She smiled and laid down next to him, leaning her head down on his shoulder. He laid his head against hers, pulling the blankets up and tracing lines down her arm. She sighed contentedly, closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around him.

“Thank you for taking care of me Billy,” she told him, giving him a slight squeeze. He kissed the top of her head.

“Anything for you, darlin’,” he said as she closed her eyes with a smile, falling asleep to the faint sound of his heartbeat against her ear.

[dancinginmydressinthesun]

MY ERAS TOUR CONCERTS - GELSENKIRCHEN N1 AND N2 (chaotic version)

Gelsenkirchen (or should I say Swiftkirchen) put so so much effort in those three days that Taylor was there, it was insane!! Renaming the city, creating "Taylor Town" and parties and fun stuff everywhere, it was really great. Since it is the most unknown city on the whole Eras Tour (and believe me, I live nearby, it's pretty ugly usually), it needed to shine a light on the city, especially given that everyone would want to come to Hamburg or Munich (or Berlin or Cologne if she had included those), but no one ever wants to come here. I was so amazed by all of it and I cannot fathom that all of my dreams just came true, it was all a fever dream, it felt like heaven and I didnt think I would ever be able to experience something like that.

N1: I was so so excited, all was perfect (almost)!! The atmosphere was really wonderful in front and inside the stadium, I traded my bracelets, people were there from all over the world. I went with a friend and a friend of a friend and I loved it. I cried when my tickets were scanned and they let me in and when I saw the Stadium from the inside (i didnt cry when I saw Taylor although I was convinced before I would, I think I had nothing left inside me anymore because of all the adrenaline before haha) Paramore was really really good!!! The seats were okay, I was a little irritated that there was a pole (idk what its called) that was a little bit blocking my view of the middle stage, you can see it in the video. It was so so good tho, I lvoed when Kam said "Kannste knicken" i died!! I also loved that Taylor acknowledged the paper hearts but I am so so mad bc i forgot them!!!! I had them all printed out and it feels so bad that I was not one of those people holding them up even tho I could have... It really still makes me so mad, I dont wanna think about it anymore.... anyway..... I was so happy being the first one to listen to Superstar on the Eras Tour, a few people around me definitely didnt know the song and it made me jump and scream even more, everything hurted that day, my feet hurt my lower back but I stood and jumped during the entire thing except for the transitions!!1 I was also dancing so dramatically and it must have looked so embarrassing but idc, it was all worth it!! I loved the face she made on Midnight rain btw

N2: Boy N2 was so much more relaxed, I wasnt that scared that anything could go wrong anymore, I could sleep better, my feet and back didnt hurt nearly as much anymore (but they still did haha). I once again had the best time (although I didnt like the girl sitting next to me AT ALL but anyway), the seat was so much better this time yay, I LOVED THE 22 HAT GIRL, MAYBE MY FAVOURITE THING OVERALL, I cried for this little baby :'). I loved the face she made on midnight rain again so much, SHE SANG THIS IS ME TRYING!!!!! I COULDNT STAND ANYMORE WHEN SHE STARTED SINGING IT, I HAD TO BE ON MY KNEES FOR A QUICK MOMENT, I loved Hey Stephen sm as well, expecially because people once again were not happy about it around me and I was so so furious, i mean BUT WOULD THEY WRITE A SONG FOR YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I jumped, one time I almost jumped so high that I thought I would fall over the seat right in front of me and crash the girl before me, thankfully I didnt hahahha

N3 in Taylor Town, Swiftkirchen: It was so so nice being there, I got merch, I ate Swiftcream, we danced to her songs (the dj even played Crazier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), took pictures with all of her albums, and then I went to one of my friends houses and we watched the livestream and BOY I was devastated when she played Better Man and I WAS NOT THERE. I really got a little sad but I dont think I would have even survived another concert right the next day, idk if I am old but I was definitely feeling the toll those 2 days took on my body but it was so so worth it tho!!!

Today I am just happy about the Gelsenkirchen post on her Insta and tomorrow I will pack my suitcase for Hamburg N1 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[theladyofmanyfandomsfanfiction]

Crossfire

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader (featuring platonic Steve)

Warnings: Language

Summary: You’re caught in the crossfire when Eddie is accused of murder.

Eddie’s whole life had gone to hell in a matter of hours. He was somewhat fortunate that this ragtag team found him to explain what was happening even if it wasn’t making a lot of sense. His mind wandered to the people in his life who were just as confused, his uncle, his friends, you.

“Shit.” Eddie sighed, his whole body sinking. “Is Y/n okay?”

Robin offered a kind smile despite their situation. “They’re fine. I spoke with them this morning and filled them in.”

Steve pushed himself off the pillar that he was leaning against and checked his watch.

“Actually, that was half an hour ago. They should have been here by now.” He noted curiously. Looking up, he noticed that the comment drew all eyes to him - particularly Eddie’s which were filled with a new kind of fear.

“You don’t think that this ‘Vecna’…?” The D&D player became more agitated as the thought of Y/n’s limbs being contorted took over his mind.

Steve’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “No - I mean, I don’t think so. Besides imagine if he tried.” He mused which received audible backlash.

“Dude, not funny.”

“They’re out there.”

“Read the room.”

Steve raised his hands defensively and silenced the cabin. “Jesus! I was just saying that if Vecna came after Y/n, they’d probably knock his teeth out.”

Eddie lowered his snacks, highly unamused. “Really, Harrington? You think they can defeat something none of us can see?”

Steve, now feeling bad and slightly anxious on the matter, made a decision to ease everyone’s minds. “Look, I’ll drive into town and see where they are. They probably held up at a traffic light or something.”

Pushing himself off the pillar, Steve grabbed the keys from his pocket and carefully snuck out to his car.

Dustin crept over to the window to watch his friend leave. When the car engine started and then backed out of the driveway, he turned back around to Eddie.

“Don’t worry, Steve’ll find them.” He reassured.

Max leaned forward and sent the young man a smile. “He’s also right too. About Y/n, I mean. If anyone can stick it to Vecna, it’s them.”

Dustin nodded as a memory came to mind. “Remember that demigorgon two years ago? Most badass thing I’ve seen.”

After your call with Robin, she requested that you grab some of Eddie’s favourite candy bars from the video store before heading out to meet with them. It was an easy little ‘break in’ since Robin told you where to find the spare key and you left money on the register to compensate for the bars and bag of pretzels in your hand.

As you stepped out and began to lock up, there were a few shadows that appeared on the door pane. With a final click, you pocketed the key and turned to see Jason and his basketball group lingering at the front.

“Hey Y/n, funny seeing you here.” Jason said, casually peering around and into the shop.

You squinted at his behaviour. “It’s a weekend.”

Jason chuckled and nodded. “It is. Don’t you typically spend your weekends with that Freak Munson - sorry, I mean Eddie? Have you seen him around lately?”

“I haven’t actually.” You stepped to the left with the intention to walk around them, a hand grabbed your shoulder and drove enough force to push you backwards into the door.

“What the hell Jason?”

“Do you know that he was the last person with Chrissy last night?” He asked.

Of course you knew this. Eddie told you about why Chrissy reached out and how he wanted to help her. Then she was found dead in his trailer and all eyes went to him as a suspect. Robin reached out to explain Vecna’s involvement but it’s not like you could explain that.

“I saw him last night before heading home. That was the last time. I don’t spend every waking minute with him.” You pushed his hand away to move out of his trap when Jason pressed his free hand against your throat suddenly.

The basketball team took a step back, quite surprised with their leader.

“You know what I think? I think you and the Freak planned this like the twisted and sadistic psychopaths that you are.” Jason accused, pressing a bit harder. “Where is the freak?”

You clawed at his hands to shove him away but it was useless until a car pulled up. The door opened and someone stepped out. “What the hell is going on?” Steve questioned angrily.

Startled, the basketball team urged Jason to let go before they backed off and fled the scene.

Steve rushed over to you and placed a gentle hand over your shoulder.

“Hey. Shit - are you okay?” He asked, checking you over for injuries. “Are you hurt?”

You pulled your jacket to sit properly over your shoulder, pocketed the pretzels and shook your head starting towards his car. “I just want to get out of here.”

The ride back was quiet and you preferred it that way. Steve was kind enough not to press but he knew that Nancy could get you to open up if you were shaken. He’s known you to take on Upside Down monsters without fear but human monsters were a different breed.

Steve pulled up to the boathouse and switched off the ignition. You got out of the car and followed Steve through to the back door and entered the room. You saw the kids, Nancy and Robin and you flashed a small smile. Turning around, you saw a glimpse of Eddie just before he dove into your arms and buried his face into the crook of your neck.

“Thank god you’re okay.” He mumbled against your skin. Feeling nothing but relief to see him again, you stayed silent and just hugged him back, ignoring the audience.

Nancy leaned over to Steve as he stood beside her and Robin before she spoke softly. “Was it Vecna?”

Steve exhaled and shook his head, glancing over at you. “Jason Carver, actually. Managed to get to them before he and his basketball chums began lynching.”

Eddie overheard the conversation and noticed some bruises peeking through from beneath your shirt. But before he could question it, you had stepped back and then turned to the group.

“So where are we at with Vecna?” You asked.

“He’s still in the Upside Down. So once we have a way through…” Max began.

“You can kick his ass!” Dustin interjected with a clap. “Boom! Vecna’s toast and we clear Eddie.”

You nodded. “And until then should I lay low here?”

Steve shook his head, crossing his arms. “That’s not a good idea. If you stay here, they’ll think you’re in league with Eddie and it’ll make things a lot worse. It might be best to…”

“Say we broke up.” Eddie finished.

You frowned and whipped around. “What?”

Eddie’s eyes were sad and desperate. He didn’t know what else to do. “Y/n, Jason got to you. If you keep defending me, you might get hurt or worse and I can’t.”

Scoffing, you pulled the packet of pretzels from your pocket and threw it at him. “I’m not telling people we broke up. It’s dumb and I-”

“And you could never pull it off.” Robin agreed and noticed that everyone was staring at her. Realising that she spoke out loud, Robin smiled and shrugged. “I mean, we’ve all seen it right. One mention of Eddie and it’s like he’s just phantom kissed Y/n.”

Steve rolled his eyes at how this conversation was unfolding and shook his head.

“No one’s breaking up with anyone. We just avoid Jason for now. Stick to the story that you haven’t seen Eddie since the game and take it from there.” He instructed.

Masterlist here

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Gremlin update May 24th 2024

4:00 am

Slept 10 ish till a little past 2 this time.

I'm thinking it has been long enough since the whole "well now when I take magnesium my heart suddenly starts to feel bad and weak" problem, which was long enough after the "If I don't take 500 mg of magnesium with any meal containing -any- amount of calcium [more than half an apples worth] I get crushing chest pain and my heat skips beats" problem... That I think I can start taking small amounts of magnesium here and there again, which has been shown to reduce anxiety and help with sleep. Personally I have to be careful because it can lower your blood pressure, but also I have been having some muscle tension problems and it would help with that.

I think where the sleep experiment is going to leave off will be being integrated with this journals eventually because there won't be anything more elaborate to say than "10-2 ish and I will bite anyone I have to speak to." But it is still my hope that as i manage my thyroid and other health problems I might scrape a bit of extra sleep out of the day but still get to maintain some of the feeling alert that is causing the current insomnia.

The internet has been having me feel some kind of way lately, specifically trying to socialize on the internet, and I am both not sure I should be super open about it, but also not sure it would be responsible not to bring it up, since I think it's something we all maybe have some experience with. It has certainly been impacting me on a personal level and more than I thought it would. I wasn't prepared for it to leave me feeling like everything is so bleak, and I think it is worth discussing, but since this account is my main social contact with pretty much everyone I know, I don't want the potential for drama. I'm not sure being vague will be being vague enough.

Also one of my friends recently got hacked, they completely dropped off and I was really worried something happened to them and I had no idea what to do about it, and that was very stressful, but they're back now.

And as usual skip to the next ~*~ if you don't want to read this next part about an ex of mine...

Also having thoughts and feelings about my first "marriage" [we would have been considered common-law]... All this time I had kind of been stuck on how I was framing it in my mind, and not really reprocessing any of it at all, stuck on how I was framing him in my mind... And -even though I knew I did the right thing by leaving- I kept wondering if I could have been kinder in various ways or put in more effort to be emotionally attentive, or wondering if maybe I said something too harsh due to some misunderstanding or, or just whatever the fuck... But no. Even just talking/posting about that relationship in the framing of just the -sleep- problems I was having at the time and the way he basically -very sweetly and politely- tried to pretend I didn't exist in my own apartment while I was supporting him full time? The impression his family and our friends seem to have been left with about me on his behalf? Even, even and especially the way he quite suddenly completely ghosted me after finding out I had moved in with Fine and GB [who he went to highschool make-up school with]...

And perhaps the most damning; The recurrent infections I kept getting that doctors kept trying to insist would only be expected if I or my partner was sleeping around. See I kept getting bladder infections, severe ones, in a way I didn't before he moved to town to stay with me, and -eventually- yes it devolved into having a weird delayed but excessive reaction to any and all bacteria+, such that I can't share a toilet with anyone anymore without getting constant yeast infections... But it started off as repeated infection with something the doctors at the clinic thought was suspicious to have be recurrent like that, and they kept suspecting chlamydia Or gonorrhea because -for those of you who don't know- those are the bacteria that are normally behind aggressive bladder infections, they kept testing me for that specific immune response and coming up empty, but I don't have normal immune responses to a bunch of bacteria -at least by now- so I am prone to false negatives from blood-work, but they kept putting me on antibiotics, increasingly aggressive courses of antibiotics [some of which I was allergic to], and still I kept being re-infected, sometimes immediately enough they just weren't sure if the bacteria was resistant, but sometimes it would be a number of months in between. It became really obvious that the pattern was when I had sex with my partner it would start again. At first I suspected it was all the latex allergy and we switched condoms, but that didn't solve it. So I went over washing properly with my 'husband' and had him put on the same course of antibiotics as me a few times [I mean when he had health problems i had to make him go to a doctor about it every time], and STILL the infection kept coming back any time we had sex...

Something I learned about Fine years later when I lived with her was her proud admission she never gets tested for STIs and never bothers using protection no matter who she's sleeping with, or getting her partners tested because "he seems 'clean' :)" and "Well I am pretty sure I'm infertile anyway because I never get pregnant :)" .... Like bitch, most cases of chlamydia are asymptomatic except that in women it eventually causes you to be infertile. And like, yeah, as a good friend I gently pointed this out to her and urged her to get tested, and yeah, she ignored me and got really offended...

But my husband constantly picking up yeast infection and even potentially chlamydia from her way back then would have explained the repeated re-infection with something that kept spreading to my bladder and causing kidney symptoms, and only stopped when I stopped fucking him ever, despite that we had both been repeatedly on aggressive courses of antibiotics [or were supposed to be, it's possible that in most instances he never bothered going to the clinic properly or taking his full course I can't say I was home and cogent enough that I could tell you for sure.] Like yes, He could have also picked up enough of those bacteria from using public toilets to transfer them to me and infect me because of my lowered/delayed immunity, I get yeast infections any time I try to share a toilet now [hence me having to ask partners not to use public toilets if they want to fuck me], after so many bladder infections it caused nerve damage, and they can become bladder infections if left untreated, but all the ones I get now -now that I never fuck anyone-can be treated with diet and maybe a bit of cream at home [and I haven't had one since having my own apartment], and the ones I kept getting from him were in my bladder instantly and super aggressive with horrible torturous burning, the likes of which I haven't experienced since. Like 'sit in a tub of warm water and cry all day in pain that nothing can help with' kind of torture. And then being expected to work all day on no sleep at a call center where they won't let you take breaks to pee, for 10 hours, only to come home to no chores having been done and to have to cook dinner...

Looking back, taking into consideration the way he's still ghosting me -as of 5ish years ago- even when I send him a message saying that I have something I need to ask him about that's important, the way he immediately stopped responding to anything the moment I said I had a question about GB or Fine because I had reconnected with them... With all the power of hindsight from over 10 years later:

a) I am pretty fucking certain it is a *strong possibility* he was cheating on me with Fine and prioritized not facing me about it over my safety, both back then and when he ghosted me instead of answering mys questions about these people I had just moved in with or was going to move in with and who were trying to get close to me, and if that's the case it would turn everything I though I knew on it's head. It would also explain Fine's behaviour towards me entirely.

b) That would also mean everyone -including Tictacs- has willfully lied to me about it and hide it to varying degrees since, even while claiming to be my friends and trying to get close to me [which frankly tracks with the rest of their behaviour]. She's been friends with Fine and GB since childhood, I highly fucking doubt she never met Bunny or had Fine tell her anything.

c) It would mean that they all also willfully lied to me about anything they'd heard about me through him before I -by pure chance- became part of their social circle

d) And that him taking advantage of me was WAY more conscious and intentional that I had been giving him credit for and the ONLY reason I didn't see it sooner was because I too was taken in by him being so generally sweet and shy.

Like I know my memory can be a bit shit but I also know I probably have receipts saved somewhere, because I have a vague recollection of this having come up before, and when people say sus things to me I tend to screencap and save them. At some point I will figure out who was willfully lying to me to what extent. I'm going to start comparing their stories, and anyway I call bullshit on the entire situation and all four of them. And I am done wondering if -I- somehow could have held their hands a little more, either way, because I shouldn't have to handhold my peers constantly to keep them from being negligent, toxic or abusive.

And at the time and for years after I had never really considered it a possibility. He just didn't seem like the type to cheat, and even less so like the type to cheat and then lie about it, and I have always resisted jumping to that conclusion because anyone I know who has is usually so deeply insecure they suspect it of everyone all the time and it makes them kind of a toxic or outright abusive nightmare, or they themselves are prone to cheating and do it often, and that's why they are so eager to believe their partner is doing it too. I just never wanted to start being someone who immediately suspects cheating and gets weird about it the moment the relationship isn't perfect. And besides that, it's one of those things I acknowledge -abstractly- that people do, but it isn't something that occurs to me regularly as a possibility, or something to actually do, you know? And then I find out my partner was cheating on ME and they use the justification "Well you cheated first >:(" when like... WHEN? Bruh I haven't left your house, -I know- I haven't, but how do you even suspect I could have had the opportunity? Like HOW? My bedroom is next to yours and I am pretty sure you'd notice me fucking someone in your basement or living area??? I don't go out?? If you thought I was cheating why was your solution to risk my life by cheating on me in secret instead of just breaking up with me or even asking me about it????. Fucking bullshit excuse that is, just to try to save face or try to play the victim because they fucking know I'm Poly and that if I wanted to sleep with someone else I'd just ask and ask if they want to join??? I call bullshit on that entire grift because no reasonable person with functioning senses would see that as thing I was like -logistically- capable of pulling off, but anyway...

If ANYTHING explains him having been so shut down and despondent, in a way that always read to me as 'guilty', this would be it. I had always written it off as him just being used to abusive parents and feeling like there was something wrong with himself as a kind of resting state, and I always tried to be gentle about it, but I guess this would also explain why that never helped. Why maybe the more compassionate and helpful I was the worse he felt?

And especially the way he's shut down during conversations about sexual health or rape culture and informed consent, or even about sexuality or questions about his or mine, or how some viruses are really dangerous to me and how I was slowly discovering more deeply concerning signs that they could be outright fatal to someone with my genetic disposition.

I am pretty fucking certain GB lied to me about how and when he had met me before. It was the weirdest most innocuous statement that did it too. Both times he had mentioned always having wanted to cut his hair short and dye it sky blue, but how that would read too 'anime' to commit to in public, and how he had/would maybe dye his hair black for a while... Those are the kinds of details I remember about people even when their face and name escapes me. He also lied when I asked him about his sexual health history and I asked him if he had shared mouth germs, like eating off the same plate, etc... with anyone within the past 3 months before I shelled out money for us to get the blood test for herpes 1&2 in addition to the other testing [because if I get cold sores it could kill me, due to an inadequate immune response to herpes family viruses] He insisted up and down that was something he didn't do, and hadn't done. But the MOMENT Fine came back from the states and started hanging out with us, she started talking about times when they had shared cakes at restaurants and shit before she left, which apparently was less than 3 months before I got there. I told him my life was on the line if we missed something and he lied to me about that and about the callouses on his hands potentially being HPV [warts he kept chewing on until they just looked like callouses from chewing]. And TBH the MOMENT I realized that I should have dropped all their asses and avoided them like the plague, but I was really stressed out at the time and had a memory lapse about it, and by the time I remembered again it was too late.

These are all things where like, an outside perspective from an offline bestie sharing about my life on a regular basis would have been helpful, because when I started to get stressed and have memory lapses about it, they could remind me of this shit before i went and trusted those fuckers with anything. They could have told me it seemed like my "husband" was cheating on me, and we would have had enough rapport that I could have taken someone seriously about that.

Honestly, if any one of these people who were my partners or friends had acted like they actually cared whether I lived or died, I wouldn't be in any of these messes. But what they prioritized over my safety every time was avoiding anything socially awkward and getting their dicks wet.

Whatever.

It's just infuriating because I thin... I thought- of that relationship as like my one lasting adult relationship where my partner wasn't raping me [violations of informed consent]... But like, again, informed consent is INFORMED, and lying to me about sexual health or sleeping around then not telling me and then fucking me anyway... That's all a complete violation of informed consent. Anyway all these fuckers owe me years of life and thousands of dollars, and also fuck them.

I wish I could know for sure but up until I deleted my public facebook, he wouldn't respond to me.

And that also has me feeling some kind of way.

I keep conducting myself as earnestly as I can and approaching relationships in good faith, with family, friends and partners, and they are all intent on manipulating, lying to me, abusing me, trying to guilt-trip and emotionally manipulate me, refuse to let me hav boundaries, to the point where my patience just isn't enough. And it isn't like me "being distrustful" is somehow an excuse because I never was. While I was IN those relationships I trusted them and kept accidentally repressing the memory of anything that would hint to me that I shouldn't, otherwise I would have broken it off and left sooner. The moment the balance tipped and I started remembering all the bullshit they had done, I broke up with them, in every instance. I don't play these petty fuckign games, if I want something other than the relationship, I just break it off. I am very simple that way.

And I would just really appreciate closure about it all so I can correctly modulate how I am reading people to be more accurate and help protect myself from being taken advantage of the same way again, because I'm autistic and that's a struggle for me, but no one involved will even do me that basic fucking human decency, IG.

I'm a little concerned that this is what has had Bean fishing in the memory soup for something and I am afraid of what comes out.

~*~

Anyway I have been watching through x-files. Slowly. The... This show is the kind of old show that spawned our current over adjustment in media where everything is now hard hitting plot being fired at you a mile per minute... There's so much filler in the x-files sometimes you aren't even sure the big plots are still even happening or if the show runners have decided to drop it. Watching it with a bunch of really modern shows is so weird. Like there was a good middle ground at some point and the x-files aren't it any more than the mew x-men series is, but in opposite directions. Like old TV really used to go for slow -drawn out- drama and the x-files really are it.

Before my last sleep, during my last half day, whatever, while feeling some kind of way about social things and whatnot, I did some aggro cleaning and organizing. I highly recommend this, using irritation and lack of satisfaction with anything you could possibly be doing to just go clean or organize something you have been putting off. You're going to feel miserable at the moment no matter what you are doing, but at least when you are done you have done/made something nice for yourself instead of just stewing... So now the clutter that had built up on my bathroom desk and sink have been tidied up.

Slowly I am moving things around closer and closer to their final-ish resting positions and tidying up around that. This year for sure, but I keep wanting to get some swell of high energy to get it all done now. This probably isn't going to happen and wouldn't be sustainable or advisable, physically, but like... Want.

I just want a 100% stress-free environment for like the first time in my adult life like holy fuck...

~*~

May 26th

9:20 pm

It's my bedtime soon. Still having a problem with how long it takes me to get running in the morning, and that not leaving ANY time left to be productive on a split sleep schedule.

Like it's 9:20 and I still haven't eaten. I pushed myself this half-day and sewed my pj pants shut again, moved the thread rack 2 inches up the wall, cleaned out 3 little bags I had in storage, and fucked around with a couple details, did some laundry and dishes on the morning shift or today... But like... I did not get through any more totes and if I want to get prepared to go across town for my health card i have to do it when I wake up.

~*~

May 27th

7:50 pm

I slept late, Idk, I slept at some point for some length, I'm tired, but mostly the point is I didn't make it out to renew my health card, but I HAVE now booked an appointment for tomorrow morning. T~T

I should have enough ID even though technically as a disabled person I legally can't acquire what they are asking for the moment both my health card and photo id expire at the same time... Which they always do, in part because I can't get a credit card.

Either way I deal with that tomorrow at about 9am...

Until then I am trying to do things like make myself eat and make myself keep re-organizing bins and stuff.

Emotionally I just want to start screaming and never stop.

~*~

May 31st

3:00 pm

EUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-okay, I went out and got my health card renewed. They didn't raise a fuss about what technically counts as proof of identity and both my IDs being expired.

Now I can contact doctor's offices again when I am ready. It's going to be a bitch of a thing that I start on Monday... T~T

I also destroyed my ankle and my hip joints a little and picked up cat treats from the dollar store, the freeze dried organ meats i sprinkle on his food to get him to actually eat it all. I even found they have a bag of pre-ground beef liver, being sold as meal topper, that's just beef liver, that you get almost 2X the weight in for the same price. The package quite hilariously and pretentiously goes on about the science behind their product when like... It's beef liver. It works because it's pure beef liver. You used a very established technology to dry it. Babes... There is no need for pretense here, I am buying a bag of liver dust... On purpose.

Today I also tried checking my email for the CHOB renewal, entirely convinced it wouldn't be there and I'd have to call, but it was there, and I filled it out and submitted it. Now so long as it goes through I should be good.

I got my bills paid, my rent, my garbage and recycling out etc... Because payday, bills day and garbage and recycling all fell on the same day, so I get to feel like I have been super productive by doing basic maintenance and I am taking the win.

I just need to order alcohol still because I don't currently have a mouthwash substitute at all, let alone one better than whisky.

So, so I made one last ditch effort to get some answers and maybe recover my passport, yeah? Because Bunny's dad had it last and I am sick of having valid ID constantly being more than a struggle than it -has- to be, and I don't want to renew it, and bitch I want answers, really, and I messaged my ex husband on facebook from a secret account I used for local necessity, because it was like, the only one I have.

So I didn't expect him to answer, but he did on account of me saying it was important and that we shared a few 'friends'.

So we actually had a conversation... Were the dreams I had about talking to him predictive? Or a self fulfilling prophesy? Whomst the fuck knows!

And he's going to actually look around for my passport instead of just asking his dad to remember past multiple brain injuries.

And he let me ask him questions about what the fuck was going on with him back then. And -for the most part- I have to assume he doesn't have a reason to lie to me. And *most* of me believes him, so there's something adjacent to closure here. If I can believe him when I fully process it all.

He doesn't remember if GB was the guy at timmies, so I don't know if he could have saved me any trouble by responding to me, because they broke off contact around a year after he moved away, and that part was true enough. I mean, I think GB still had all his info, and I didn't and he still could have reached out to him on my behalf and chose not to, but that's on GB, that's his dishonesty.

He mostly hung out with them strictly at school and not outside of it, so that's something I wasn't home from work enough to get an impression of, but it makes more sense of the idea of him never having interacted with Tictacs.

He says him and Fine were just school friends and he never cheated on me with anyone. Even with all the bullshit men have pulled I don't think he would lie to me directly like that. If her behaviour towards me has to do with him, it's probably one-sided on her part.

We then proceeded to have the most frustrating exchange possible over what the fuck was up with him at the time, because he just shut down on me and stopped acting like he even wanted to interact with me as a person at all at some point and lost all interest in sex... And when asked about it he tells me it's because he got the firm impression I was asking him to seek intimacy from me explicitly so I could reject him???? And the only explanation he could give me for what gave him that idea was to confirm what I already suspected and say he internalizes everything, is used to abuse and then say horrible stuff about himself and site outside factors that were knocking him off balance... He did not give me one bit of feedback about my own behaviour or anything I said that had anything to do with why he thought he suddenly couldn't come to me about anything or why he thought I didn't want him.

And yeah, he says that it was mostly his fault, and that him letting everyone act like I should be working full time and doing all the cooking and cleaning while he doesn't do anything, while not speaking up about it, leaving me to try to defend myself with no word of defense from him was not a cool thing to do to me...

But like... We got together in the first place in part because we both understood what it was like to have parents who treated us as being wrong for existing and as deserving punishments for having basic needs. That was explicitly why I told him he could come live with me and worry about finding a job or finishing school once he was with me and out of that place. And I spent every moment with him trying to gently pry and gently get him to talk to me and unpack whatever was bothering him. And he responded by suddenly acting like I was some kind of threat he couldn't speak to or be honest with.

And it's like... yeah I GET IT because, listen I was in the same position and have been ever since. Everyone I have ever known with very few exceptions has been horrible to me, to the point I should expect everyone to default to being horrible to me and annoyed at me for having to exist, even in my own living space. I was actually diagnosed with depression and anxiety and under treatment... But what I didn't do was treat him like he was part of a pattern instead of an individual person.

And that wasn't the rapport we had established! We were friend since I was still in school, and we had been having a long distance relationship ever since, where we would talk on the phone every night, and every 6 months he'd come to me and I'd get to see him again [and I used to jokingly called him Persephone because of that...]. But then the moment he moved in he just slid into treating me like the enemy, but then still being 'willing' to have sex...

And what I was trying to get him to understand was that I wanted him to interact with me like a person again instead of just using sex as a substitute to keep me happy. And for a long time he acted super reluctant about sex even though he kept saying he was enthusiastic about it, he blamed asthma, he blamed allergies, he blamed 'stuff' but he never actually opened up about what the issue was. I has the distinct impression that since moving in with me his attraction to me had just died a terrible death... And when I finally asked to step back from sex, I had the firm impression he might be asexual and just putting himself up to it to try to keep me happy. Even at the rate I will naturally seek sex from someone in a relationship [variable depending on the level of other engagement], I cannot tell you how much it kills the mood beyond even that when the person doesn't actually -act- enthusiastic about sex, and otherwise just acts like they want to tune me out all the time. I was -without the modern language for it- trying to get him to understand that I was probably also asexual and that what I really wanted was for him to just talk to me again and interact with me like a person, instead of acting like he expected me to abuse him the way his uncle and grandmother did.

And I tried every tactic I could, every appeal, both trying to get him to open up to me about problems and trying to figure out what the sexual disconnect was. I tried suggesting role play, I tried prying about what he was attracted to. I made a maid's outfit for fucks sake and subjected myself to that to see if it -did- anything... I tried being more dominant, gritting my teeth and tried acting submissive, I tried nibbling on him more, I tried suggesting different kinds of sex, trying to figure out what characters he was into, what was making him feel inadequate or whatever the problem was... He was a clam. [I mean he's supposed to be a bunny because his hair turns darker brown in spring and summer and lighter in the winter, but he was a total shellfish about it all.]

And even when I tried to talk to him about him not pitching in around the house they were very gentle and delicate appeals! I tried everything to make it rewarding for him too. Including making it kinky, including -the most effective tactic- making him apple pies every time I had a clean kitchen to do it in. My drill sergeant mode was absent, dialed to 0. I was on eggshells about potentially making him feel bad about himself but still desperately needing him to pull his weight.

And so when I ask him what I did that made me someone he couldn't go to anymore, or couldn't be open with, or acted like he didn't want... He sites a list of things other people did to him and how it made him feel about himself.

And, yeah, that tracks... But it's fucking infuriating... It's so fucking in your head with low self esteem to such a divorced from reality extreme that is sounds fucking -fake- to me now. and I know that's distrust created by -probably- only other people causing that impression, so I am inclined to believe the problem was really actually his own crippling lack of self-esteem... But like???

The only way this actually makes sense * to every part of my psyche* is if I buy into the idea that he equated sexual intimacy directly with love and personal intimacy with no line between the two, so seeking one and struggling with the other came off to him as setting him up for rejection... Which is the opposite of the impression I got from him. I distinctly have the impression we outright had conversations about how "normal people" equating those two things together was alienating to both of us. If pressed ai would have labelled him as demi the way I am then and now and would armchair diagnose him as also autistic. But that's the only way that "You'd made it clear that you didn't have any interest in being intimate with me (and I get why, I had many unresolved issues and was not pulling my weight), but still wanted me to pursue intimacy with the understanding the answer would be no, felt like a big Catch 22." direct quote, makes ANY fucking sense to me.

Maybe in the end he IS allosexual alloromantic and straight after all and did like me, and the only reason why he created the exact opposite impression was because he hated himself so fucking much he couldn't see over it. Maybe the dysphoria -for lack of a better term- of trying to have a relationship/sex as himself was just too much.

Everything else he had to say was an acknowledgement that I wasn't the problem and he was just too deep in his own head and negative self worth. Which yeah, actually feels a lot like closure on what the fuck was up because that aligns with what I suspected of the situation... But I had to just assume it and try to move on because until now he was a fucking clam... Or as he put it "I'm just seen as this horrible slug person"... Which *sigh* listen, this word is a fucking *choice*, and an ironic one, because a) he left himself open to the possibility of making the world's most hilariously bad typo given the context, and he should have more sense than that [I had him tested, his IQ, knowing it would be close to mine or higher and thinking that would help him, beyond jokes about numbers on paper I know he's clever], b) he knows I think slugs are cute, and c) he was actively jealous of one particular "slug man" -i remember this distinctly- who he knows I am attracted to, specifically, when he wasn't jealous of me liking any other fictional character for any period of time while we were together, not even the ones I actually felt qualified to make art or writing about, he just saw the affection I had for exactly one slug man and that was the fictional character that made him feel inadequate, much to my ongoing confusion... *deep breath* baby boy... The fuck? [part of me finds this word choice out of character and a little on the nose (and thus sus), but is this just a new thing people say now? We all remember the slug/slut typo post, yeah?]

Which... yeah, is just more "I couldn't go to you or engage with you as a person anymore because I had become convinced you were suddenly going to act like my abusers for no real reason I can articulate"...

And like, we had the conversation? We had the "baby boy is it just that you don't feel like sex anymore and you are afraid I'll be mad, we don't have to have sex if you don't like it" conversation!! Like I-

???? Self-loathing is a reality warping drug, and that's really the only closure I could have from this, IG???

I just... Everything else asides I am BAFFLED how "please spend time with me as a person and please tell me what would make you enjoy sex with me more" gets interpreted as "seek intimacy so I can reject you"... T~T ... i- I fucking MADE a maid's outfit, for myself, to wear, me, the "I was trying to look like a man before I knew I was trying to look like a man" and "I have to bargain with myself about skirts and makeup and act allergic to pink or anything feminizing" and "I won't wear a cat collar for fashion reasons because occasionally people think I am a sub because of it".. I- *stares into eternity* I tried...

The only thing that makes sense is that the moment he came to live under my roof he switched to mentally categorizing me as an authority figure instead of as his partner against the world... And just believed it so hard and so unconsciously nothing could ever unpack that.

So he acted like he couldn't stand me and was so paralyzed by insecurity he still needed me to take care of him and support him full time, because of how other people had treated him, and that's the closest I get to an answer.

And that's just that, I guess.

A large part of me speaking from well over 10 more year's experience insists that him cheating on me, and then just maintaining the charade catering to my expectations and sympathies [people have really fucked around on me okay?] makes way more rational sense than this... But self loathing isn't rational and I know that. If I can believe I ever had any accurate sense of his personality at all... I can believe this is him telling the truth. The insanely frustrating fucking truth.

If it was remotely appropriate or in context I would love him to give me a retrospective on why Piccolo dbz make him feel insecure when no other fictional men or women did [I was so confused by it at the time, he got really weird about it, when like I did way more art of Raziel and even Kisame? because hormones or smth happened to me on occasion]. But asking him that now feels mean and I don't think he'd have an answer anyway.

I'd also ask him questions to determine if he even ever noticed I had multiple personalities, but i also don't think that would be constructive, or get me anywhere, and might just make him feel bad for not paying attention to me.

Also, I either forgot just how often he refers to himself in third person or something during the pandemic broke him too. idk.

But like why it's so frustrating is it means the only reason why i didn't successfully save him from his family and build an amazing life for both of us, with him as my enthusiastic partner, in a blessedly cheap little apartment until I could buy us a house... Was because he was taking his trauma and self hatred out on me for reasons he can't even define. Like the fuck do you mean all that was that you felt unlovable? WE COULD HAVE HAD THE WORLD!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gods I hope he's in therapy.

T~T

And like you would think that the potential that everyone else not having lied to me about these things in particular would feel like some kind of answers or closure, but their behaviour otherwise makes this less impactful than you would assume. I mean I have to be relieved I'm probably not as bad at reading people as I was starting to fear???

I mean I feel a little better in general now? But also??????????????????

~*~

... So now I just wait to see if he can find my bloody passport, I guess.

... And I should order alcohol soon. Tomorrow maybe? Is it too late now?

Then this list:

Glue the one drawer from the dresser that pulled apart [because 1-2 drawers were never glued by me to begin with because they *seemed* to be holding in one piece too well]

Glue spice rack back together

Get the last 3-5 totes reorganized so I can get the last disorganized looking pile of stuff tidied up and out of the way

Get the things I am giving away gone and out of the apartment

make ramp [for spring, haha, late]

renew health card

renew chob

make apt about wrist lump

make ultrasound appointment for IUD now that I have my health card

Get back to the women's college hospital