#also i don't have to fucking parry in that game

[iserlohnfortress]

got blasphemous because religious guilt in art is like catnip to me, but the atmosphere stresses me out so much i actually picked hollow knight back up (a game that also used to stress me out a lot) in order to scratch that itch and, at long last, managed to defeat hornet a second time

[neproxrezi]

everything wrong with elon musk's dogshit elden ring build

elon musk recently bought a blatantly boosted poe2 account and started trying to pretend he knew what he was talking about with it. while you could definitely in part put this down to... his general... everything... i think this was influenced by his elden ring build getting roasted a while back.

@luciferhimshelf has prompted me to go through his build and pick apart everything i see wrong, because while i think people get the general idea it's horrendous, i really want to go through it ALL

ALRIGHT. some of these are excusable first playthrough mistakes, and some of them are fucking baffling

he's in the mountaintops of the giants with 1009 hp. this is WAY less than you should have by this point. for anyone curious, i used a build calculator to check and he hasn't kept the debuff from hugging fia, which is a shame because it would have been very funny

he has 31 vigor, which governs your health. the general agreed end point for your build is 60 vigor, which bring you to 1900 hp. he also has a talisman equipped that gives you +5 vigor, endurance, strength and dex, MEANING HIS ACTUAL STAT IS 26 VIGOR. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE 26 VIGOR AT THIS POINT

the spirit summons are... strange. having three equipped at all times is a really odd decision. two of them, Skeletal Militia (1) and Banished Knight Oleg (3) are reasonable choices, though by this point you really could have replaced them with something better - especially skeletal militia. the middle one, Marionette Soldiers (2), is more odd, but it's not a shit-tier choice. the odd thing here really is that he has three summons in his hotbar and no healing flasks - which i assume are in the quick access. i'd love to see his split of hp and fp heals too, because of the next one...

38 mind is a really strangely high amount to have. you don't need this much, ever. the only reason you might need this much is if your only spellcasting staff is lusat's glintstone staff (which is the one he is using), because it makes all your spells more expensive in exchange for dealing more damage. this should not be the only staff he is using.

and i know it's the only one he uses because for some reason he seems to be equipping all his weapons at once. i actually did this on my first playthrough of a souls game so i can't trash talk this one that much but it is still really fucking strange, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE IS HEAVY ROLLING IN THIS IMAGE. WHY IS HE HEAVY ROLLING WITH THE +5 ENDURANCE TALISMAN EQUIPPED

the more things i point out, the more inevitable i feel my descent into madness will become

why does he have two shields

i can understand multiple weapons. i don't like it but i understand it. two shields makes no sense. you should never have two shields

"oh but lunne maybe he has two shields because one parries" both of his shields are uninfused, and their base ash of war is weapon skill.

there is no reason to have two shields equipped.

i'm going to try and push past the fact he has two shields equipped, and move onto the weapons and spells

the weapons themselves are reasonable choices - rogier's rapier is a free weapon pre upgraded with a nice ash of war, and moonveil is a very powerful weapon and he has an intelligence build. this makes sense.

however, i would be an idiot if i did not point out that the reason elon musk is running an intelligence build, is absolutely 100% without a doubt because he thinks he is intelligent.

68 (62+6 from the helmet) is an odd choice - there is a spell that requires this amount, however i am not convinced he was smart enough to find it. if i had to guess, i would say he is probably just working toward 99

with this in mind, i looked at his spell choices. i can make out that he is running zamor ice storm, night comet, magic glintblade, comet, and loretta's greatbow. (i found out there is a wider crop of the image after scrutinising it, and it turns out i was right anyway)

these are extremely odd choices for your five spell slots.

the fact he has five spell slots really is the piece de resistance here. the funniest thing about this whole image. i'm sorry i put it off, but i really had to savour this.

you get two spell slots at the start of the game. one is bought at the roundtable hold. one drops from the red wolf of radagon, a mandatory boss on a casual playthrough taking on every legacy dungeon they find. a fifth one drops from demi-human queen maggie, in mt gelmir near where he would have been doing a quest to get that staff.

all the other memory stones are acquired through puzzles.

he is running an intelligence build because he thinks he's smart, but he could not solve a single puzzle.

he also took a photo of the screen instead of a screenshot.

[admiral-mason]

Ultra-Impact Part 5 (I need a better title for this shit lmfao)

Yes, I need better titles, so if anyone can give them then say so in the comments below

Idea based on @valeriele3's Live Stream post

0-4 0-5 << YOU ARE HERE 1-1

PRELUDE /// CLIMAX START THE HYPERDEATH

TIME TO PROVE YOURSELF.

As the horde of husks closed in, your confidence immediately dropped. No events in your life have ever prepared you to fight off a horde of hellish humanoids.

Immediately, both V1 and V2 started attacking the horde of husks, the former using some form of a sawblade launcher while the latter used his nailgun.

This drew most of the husks' attention to the machine duo, but a filth rushed towards you. You hesitated for too long, and it bit you on the arm.

"FUCKING- AAAGGGHHH-!!" In response, you haphazardly shot at it, firing two revolver rounds from your left revolver at its body. As its blood stained your clothes and arm, the pain rapidly dissipated.

DESTRUCTIVE + KILL

This also unfortunately drew the attention of a few more filth.

You moved away from them while shooting your revolvers, but as soon as you killed all but two of them, you couldn't fire any more rounds and instead resorted to punching them. Then you heard another one attempting to sneak up on you and you slapped it twice in the face with your revolver.

DESTRUCTIVE + KILL + BITCHSLAP + BITCHSLAP + KILL + KILL + KILL

"Huh, new style bonuses..." You then looked at your revolvers and noticed that they showed a 0 on their displays before the right one turned to 1, 2, 3, and so forth with the left one following behind right after.

However, you then had to dodge two crosses of projectiles and you saw the culprits: soldiers. As their blue right-arm cannons charged more projectiles, you shot one of them before parrying the other's projectiles back at him.

CHAOTIC + FRIENDLY FIRE + PARRY

Seeing no imminent danger, you watched V1 and V2 clear up the last hellish forces. However, more ended up spawning- and this time machines were involved.

Alongside the filths, strays, schisms, and soldiers were drones and streetcleaners. V1 and V2 went at it again; V1 used a coin to interrupt two strays preparing projectiles while V2 eradicated a group of filth with his knuckleblaster.

Not being caught in imminent danger, you wanted to try something. Rushing forward a bit and bringing your body mass to the ground, you slid forward akin to V1 and V2 when they did so. Getting back up, you slid towards V1's direction and shot up a drone before she parried it into a schism.

CHAOTIC + ASSISTED KILL + KILL

"Whoo, you're sliding! You're getting ahold of this already, dear godfather!" V1 exclaimed as she blew up a couple of strays with a rocket launcher before blowing up another group of filths with a malicious railcannon.

"Uh- actually I don't wanna be- OH SHIT!" You exclaimed as you heard an unparryable attack sound and barely avoided a streetcleaner's attack by sliding away, taking some damage in the process. Turns out that the fire could burn your clothes though, as evident as to how the right sleeve of your hoodie got burned off.

It was your favorite hoodie, the piece of clothing that stuck with you thick and thin, every time you wanted to warm up and sit on your chair to play games. Seeing its sleeve burned off left you absolutely pissed.

A primal rage you felt after dying to Gabriel so many times in 6-2 surfaced. "My fucking hoodie! DIE YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!" You screamed in anger as you shot the streetcleaner with two revolver shots to its head before sliding up to it and punching it.

You then noticed two drones accompanied by four strays and two schisms attempt to assault you; you dodged the projectiles before parrying one into the group, killing the strays and severely harming the schisms. You repeated this with the drones, even sending one of them flying into the schisms as you did back while playing Limbo's stages.

Finally clearing up the dangers around you, you went off to help V1 and V2 mop up anyone remaining.

Your twitch chat found out a few minutes ago that apparently the stream can put your perspective on the stream from a message sent by the terminal:

TERMINAL_069: Greetings, mankind! I just want to mention that I can project your beloved human from their eyes! This way, we all can enjoy some quality entertainment: combat!

It the followed up with another message:

TERMINAL_069: Unfortunately, they cannot interact with you until I am placed into an actual terminal body. Oh! And an unrelated, but notable mention: if you wish to donate them money, do it. Each dollar donated equals a thousand points for new weapons to their arsenal!

Now, your chat and the terminal interacted while watching you fight like an action movie.

Brrrrrrtt: Yep everyone's fucked

feetusdeletussthenyeetus: He's in his villain arc

NaviaLover291: Oh my god I did not expect them to get ahold of themselves this quickly!

valeriele3 donated $10.00: "I hope this helps you [name]!"

TERMINAL_069: It will indeed, valeriele3!

johnifer donated $200.00: "I'm glad I pirated indie games to donate this, guys pirating indie games can do good!!!!"

TERMINAL_069: I don't know what that means, but if it helps [name] then it should be good!

Although slightly predictable and slow, you generally got ahold of how V1 and V2 fought, dodging and parrying every projectile known to man before revolver shots ensued. Your double revolvers especially helped since double the firepower meant that some enemies that took two shots to kill now went down with a single blast.

You also learned how to dash and ground slam, performing the former frequently to dodge various attacks while utilizing the latter to slam into a street cleaner.

0329: Better streaming than Disney plus

Adm!ra1-M4son: This shit fire!

bunniotomia: I hope Razor and Bennett are okay...

Once V1 killed the last husk, you three managed to recuperate a little bit.

"Whoo! Nice going, godfather!" She said. "A little bit more combat and your kill count will be like mine and V2's in no time!"

"Uh- actually I'm not sure why I'm called 'godfather,' could you just call me [name]?"

V1 thought about it for a bit before responding. "Okay!" She simply said, respecting your choice.

"You two done talking?" V2 said. "If so, then let's get on with it. Follow me" However, just as the three of you started moving, a familiar yellow, scrappy machine was suddenly teleported in front of you three.

The Swordsmachine.

It immediately ran towards V1 before firing its shotgun. The blast, instead of looking like small grainy pellets, looked like a goddamn explosion from your vision.

V1 dodged the shot before responding with her own shotgun and disrespecting the machine by punching it a few times before retreating. V2, meanwhile, took the distance and responded with a Screwdriver railcannon shot.

You couldn't do much aside from offering a few revolver shots here and there, but you did parry one of the Swordsmachine's sword swings when it got close to V1 and tried attacking her with its sword. This hit the tall-headed machine directly in the face.

DESTRUCTIVE + PARRY

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-AHHH-ER." The machine screamed, visibly pissed off with how its blue eyes shifted to red. Now its target priority was you, and you barely managed to dodge its sword swing. After that, V1 tossed four coins into the air before hitting them with her electric railcannon. V2 performed the same tactic for additional damage.

This caused the Swordsmachine to scream in pain again, and you noticed how its right arm now lay on the floor along with its shotgun.

Seizing the opportunity, you slid over to the gun and snatched it while V1 and V2 caused more damage to it. Suddenly your dual revolvers were gone and another tutorial box revealed itself:

SHOTGUN: PRIMARY FIRE PIERCES WEAKER ENEMIES

A brief look at the gun showed that it was the blue variant or the core eject shotgun, the variant initially obtained when defeating the Swordsmachine for the first time in Ultrakill.

You had to stop admiring the gun and slide away because the Swordsmachine clearly wanted to end you.

It threw its sword at you, which you just barely dodged. You stopped sliding and decided to pull off a trick that your twitch chat taught you: projectile boosting.

You tried performing a pushing motion in front of the shotgun as you fired it, and sure enough, your screen froze and flashed white for a second before you saw a flaming, orange mass fly towards the Swordsmachine and hit it square in the head.

DESTRUCTIVE + PROJECTILE BOOST

This also caused the Swordsmachine to let out a scream as it fell to the floor, limp. Once you confirmed your safety, you looked over at the spot where your hoodie's right sleeve used to be before sighing a little.

"Hey, that was my kill!" V1 exclaimed before she noticed your shotgun. "Oh hey, nice! You're building up your own arsenal."

"...I'm becoming a true American, haha," you jokingly said to her response. "Okay, I'm assuming that the Swordsmachine was the last threat."

"Judging by me, likely so. Now, I say we head to Mondstadt first, since we're the closest nearby." V2 said, looking at the nation of freedom. "Unfortunately, I don't know how we'll purge Hell from this world, so until then, just shoot everything that tries to kill us."

"Alright, seems easy enough!" V1 said before she rushed on over in the direction of the nation. And then, shit cranked up from one hundred to two hundred.

Massive spikes rose from the ground, steadily enfolding and enveloping the city and the lake surrounding it. Dragonspine followed shortly after, and bloody red vein-like cascaded up the massive coverings, occasionally pulsating like a human heart.

And to top it all off, once the ground lay motionless, a familiar red elevator raised itself right ahead of you three. The lights turned on and the doors opened.

"...I guess we head in now?" You asked and the two machines nodded. The three of you stepped in and you saw the long drop downwards with no end in sight.

"...Hey, uh, do I take fall damage?" You asked in a slightly quivering tone. V2 simply responded with "I have no idea."

V1 then decided to carry you bridal-style out of all positions. "Don't worry, [name]! Since I don't suffer fall damage when I land, you shouldn't either! Now, in we go!"

"Waitwaitwait-whooOOAAAA!!" You screamed as V1 jumped down the elevator, with V2 jumping in soon behind.

0-5: START THE HYPERDEATH: COMPLETED

Taglist: @valeriele3, @bunniotomia, @feetusdeletussthenyeetus, @quantoom

[paragonraptors]

YEHAW DA:V REVEAL THOUGHTS BELOW!!

Overall: Feeling so excited for this game. I'm climbing up the walls. I can't believe that was 20 minutes, it felt like 10. Need this in my hands yesterday.

What I liked:

-Holy fuck wow wow wow the hair looks like nothing I've seen in a video game before.

-Combat seems very different but also a natural progression of gameplay past. Real-time turn-based was always a little on the clunkier side, and while it never really bothered me, moving towards something more ME-style was expected. Very excited about being able to aim a bow. Would like to know what difficulty they were showcasing bc I'm considering jumping right into a Nightmare run.

-Now that I've been soulsborne-pilled the prospect of a parry mechanic has me buzzing.

-I feel like people are gonna dunk on the "stiffer" animation, but I prefer it so much more than the BG3/HZD constant wobbling. It'll make the key performances stand out instead of mostly jangling keys in front of a baby and letting the big moments get lost in the sauce. (Not that the aformentioned games didn't have good animation, just. If your characters don't need to move their whole body to convey dialogue I'd prefer if they didn't.)

-The sublety in the facial animations is CRAZY.

-The roleplay dialogue seems really reactive!! And the cuts to inject the unique dialogues feels smooth. I'm sure there will still be moments where it's easy to tell, but still cool. Seems like they're gonna be paying more attention to your personality type like DA2 too.

-So excited about Harding and Neve as companions and can't wait to meet everyone else.

-Neve's staff/wand makes me excited to see what kinds of focus options we'll get as a mage AAAA.

-God the costumes have so much swag. One of my hottest of many BG3 takes was that the costumes were overall flavorless. (Really hoping they didn't change the Grey Warden uniforms though that would really disappoint me.)

-Cinematography looks fantastic. Lots of well set up shots.

-NGL I felt something when Solas showed up. Wasn't expecting that. And while not perfect, I liked his interaction with Varric. Their relationship from Inquisition really slips under the radar if you're not bothering to look.

-Varric has never gotten over the trauma of what happened with Anders and it breaks my heart in a good way. God you could see it in his eyes!! [chef's kiss]

-However, I definitely have to kill Solas now for what transpired in this preview.

What I'm iffy about:

-The voice peformances feel a bit stilted. Not really what I'm used to from Bioware and I feel like it's important when the animations are more subdued. Hopefully this feeling will change when I get more of the game.

-The dialogue also felt a bit dumbed down. "Solas is doing his ritual!" "Yes. Solas' ritual. The ritual that we have to stop." Again, hopefully this is symptomatic of a tutorial level/trying to onboard newbies quickly and not the whole game lol. While I prefer this to dialogue that tries to sound smarter than it is, I'm really hoping we see an overall improvement from Inquisition.

-Sort of wish they went with the Andromeda dialogue system instead of bringing back Inquisition's, but I do like that it seems all dialogue options are getting tonal indicators again and they're not as easily conflated with morality. (Though I imagine people will STILL interpret it that way.)

-A little confused about them introducting Minrathous' panopticon shit and then immediately swerving into Solas' ritual. Would have liked some breathing room on that kind of worldbuilding.

- While I'm generally open minded about the change, I Do Not Love not being able to switch to playing companions. Might turn around on this if your ability to issue them commands opens up the closer you are to them/the more you grow into a leadership role. I do like that it seems you will eventually be able to command when they use abilities a la OG Mass Effect bc that was my biggest beef with the Andromeda gameplay, esp on Nightmare/Insanity difficulty.

-Not crazy about the new Pride demon design where are their leggies.

-Not really a Criticism, but they are definitely setting up for Varric to die and while I get it, narratively, I'm NOT HAPPY. Dragon Age has been almost allergic to scripted deaths so it's also gonna feel like being dunked in an ice bath. EVIL STUFF. IN DENIAL.

[beesmygod]

what bloodborne bosses do you think could be imported into night reign easily? amygdala feels like it would be a blast in elden ring and blood starved beast seems like it could fit in as well

ok i can finally think about this properly. first i agree with you. absolutely amygdala. astel and amygdala are similar enough in scale and behavior that it would be a perfect fit for the combat mechanics of elden ring. the biggest change to consider is the amount of verticality so as long as we choose bosses that aren't instantly wrecked by jumping it should be good.

THINGS I DO NOT WANT TO SEE:

i never want to fight the cleric beast ever again in my life. that includes laurence.

amelia is a boring fight.

the celestial emissary is easily one of the more boring "mob" bosses made by from and should be skipped.

the shadows of yharnam are just three guys. i hate fighting rom unironically.

witch of hemwick is interesting to fight once and after that its just gaming the gimmick to get it done asap.

the one reborn sucks ass.

sulyvahn is the more interesting version of mergo's wet nurse. i would rather see him.

there are more interesting wolves in other games other than paarl.

the living failures are also not good.

DO NOT PUT THE UNDEAD GIANT IN. DONT DO IT

MAYBE:

i would love to fight ebrietas more but since metyr, mother of fingers already exists in the game they might as well stick with her.

gascoigne is like. one of the best bosses in bloodborne, but he's kind of custom-tailored to be a skill check for that game's mechanics specifically. i just don't know if he would have the same sauce without the fight revolving around parrying mechanics.

i don't know if logarius would work. jumping makes his projectiles way less intimidating and you would be able to jump into the sky with him like its a DBZ battle lol

LET'S GOOOO:

i think the blood-starved beast would make an excellent addition to the boss roster because it is fast as fuck and highly aggressive.

gehrman is just a solid fight. no problems with him

same with lady maria but it looks like we're getting a lady maria expy character as one of the player characters. hoo hoo! neat!

lugwig is a really good fight. no reason not to include him. if they can dodge the golden hippo or the fallingstar beast, they can dodge him.

MOON PRESENCE!!! MOON PRESENCE!!!

fuck it, put the orphan in. he's a good fight but idk how he'll translate to a sword and shield game. i beat him with pure parries lol.

yharnam please. i miss her so much.

actually both of the pthumerian descendants too. i miss those guys once they're gone. they're really fun.

the bloodletting and abhorrent beast are fine. they can come too.

COMEDY OPTION: micolash

[burningcrab]

how im imagining ᵐʸ drifter's relationships with the hex. obvy subject to change once the expansion drops and we get to know them better

arthur: you know the sibling thing where you go open your sibling's door and talk to them about stupid shit and then flip them off or something and walk away without closing the door. she does that when he's in the security office. beyond that i don't think they have much of a personal relationship. years of fighting solo in duviri means she struggles with having a commander so she probably gives him heartburn when she fucks off to do her own thing in the field

aoi: they should be at the club. specifically drifter should be at the club learning how to stop fumbling women. aoi gets them shots because drifter says she doesnt get drunk. sadly drifter has only been drinking weird duviri beer as imagined by a teenager for most of her life so the first time she gets drunk off tequila and fireball and shit she freaks out and thinks shes actually dying and turns invisible in the bathroom. aoi drags her back out to dance and then they have a homoerotic midnight atomicycle ride back to base

lettie: seething because learning vazarin healing backfired and now her stupid void body won't let her manufacture "accidental" injuries. she can't even get a paper cut and ask lettie to kiss it better because she heals too fast. drifter is down horrendous for lettie but between immunity to mild injuries and a fear of rodents its just a disaster. meanwhile lettie likes drifter more than any of the rest of the team because at least drifter's dumbass attempts to play hero on missions don't require intensive care afterwards like arthur's "Tank Incident"

amir: listens and nods while amir explains the gameplay of caliber chicks 2 at 225 wpm for six minutes. tries playing with him but doesn't get the appeal so she just sits around while he plays and offers unhelpful and irrelevant advice whenever he dies. like "you should try parrying" when he loses tetris or "do a bullet jump" in a racing game. she also steals his energy drinks, which is probably good for amir but definitely bad for everyone else who has to deal with hopped-up drifter

quincy: drifter works best with him in the field out of all the hex members. he says it's because she's really good at being annoying and distracting and getting in the enemy's face with a shotgun so he can line up his shots. she says this is true, and thank you very much quincy thats sweet of you. drifter loves to be annoying and quincy is the only one smart enough to weaponize that. drifter is also permanently banned from shooting contests with quincy after she blew a hole in the wall with a plasma shotgun instead of using a normal gun for target practice

eleanor: oscillates between wanting to help eleanor and getting annoyed with her cryptic bullshit. also oscillates between thinking the mind control/telepathy thing is completely terrifying and thinking its awesome (and kind of hot). absolutely cannot stop asking eleanor weird questions and will keep it up until she gets the psychic equivalent of a sucker punch and her nose starts bleeding (which heals before she can get to lettie). sometimes she tells eleanor stories about the lotus.

[confused-rat]

As someone who's a big fan of both Kingdom Hearts and Soulsborne games, her claiming that they have the same gameplay is giving me a fucking aneurysm. Like, just watching footage of both games should be enough to tell you that they aren't alike.

I don't know why she's so desperate to paint Kingdom Hearts as this critical linchpin of media that influenced tons of pop culture. Didn't she also claim that something (I think it was Utena) was ripping it off, despite the fact that it came out years before KH came out?

Wait till she finds out Kingdom Hearts is actually just stealing from everything else. /hj

No, but seriously. Is it because they both use swords? Is that why Lily?? Roll to dodge and parry and boom, you’re just a Kingdom Hearts quack?

So same, such similar, many gasps of shock.

[inkren]

Metroid dread has consumed my life for the past 2 days. Its now one of my favourite games ever made. There's a few problems with it mainly the world not being as memorable and easy to navigate as tallon IV in metroid prime but it doesn't matter given how amazing the game is.

I could rant about it for ages but I'll just talk about my 3 favourite things. Massive spoilers for merroid dread.

1. Whoever came up with the idea of letting Samus smack the shit out of your enemies and parrying them didn't get paid enough. Once you learn how to parry basic enemies basically become energy and missile dispensaries. Its so satisfying to parry something especially emmi's since its so hard to parry them. Its also extremely cathartic to parry a boss and start a cutscene where you can just pump missiles into them. Which conveniently leads into.

2. Spectacle. Most bossfights are so cool especially when you parry them and get a bunch of free shots in as samus in the curscene that plays does a bunch of cool flips or rides a massive monster and holds her blaster to their forehead to pump endless missiles into them while they writhe around trying to toss her off. The only thing that could make it better is if the music was more hype like metal gear rising revengeance (which is another game I have to get around to)

And how could I not mention the final bossfight too. The fight with Ravenbeak is so damn cool with it being like a dance with samus and him doing cool flips around each other. He summons black holes and stars and the climax as.... this actually goes with point 3 as well so we'll get to that.

3. Samus is portrayed so well in this game and conveys so much personality even though she says like one sentence in chozo near the middle of the game and at the end of the game she starts screaming madly.

When she meets kraid she is so clearly sick of him that as soon as he roars she shoots him in the mouth. Basically just saying "let's get this over with"

Her conversation with the friendly chozo in the middle of the game as we get a hell of a lore dump and the only words she says in the entire game being "don't worry I'll finish it" pretty sure i paraphrased that but it conveys so much. By having no other words in the game spoken by samus it gives these words so much power. She is legitimately concerned for this chozo and when he is killed she is genuinely sad but it has to wait. Because she has a job to do....and an annoying enemy to kill. (Seriously those chozo bots that jump you are so annoying. )

There's so much more I could say about her characterization in the game and that one scene alone but I wanna talk about the final fight again.

My jaw dropped when she was nearly dead as Ravenbeak choked the life out of her and then she just started screaming like a mad woman and drained the power from the flying fortress making it crash down onto the ground as she beat him up and continued to scream. It was so badass and yet so funny and I was just saying holy shit the entire time. Peak character.

And then the final bit against raven beak where he gets infected with the x parasite. And samus has her new metroid suit which looks freaky and organic and thats the point. She was pushed to this point and now she's basically an energy vampire. Also nothing quite like obliterating your foe with a massive fucking laser to the face.

Of course the cool escape sequence where I barely got back to my ship on time with like 10 seconds to spare. (BTW samus keeps hitting the self destruct button every planet has for some reason. Isnt this like the 6th planet she's destroyed? Why do they keep having to be destroyed and by what?)

Samus gets control of her metroid powers again before escaping and this actually brings me to a point i like about the game. It doesn't reveal there was actually more metroids because they're the series namesake. They stay extinct. All except for samus. And its revealed that metroid means ultimate warrior in chozo. So samus is the metroid now in all meanings of the word. She had metroid dna and is the ultimate warrior of the chozo. Taking the name if the franchise for herself. So next time your grandma sees you playing metroid and points to samus saying "that man's metroid isn't he?" She's half right now.

Anyway my three simple points ballooned way out of my control. Go play metroid dread. Go play every metroid game you can. Which isn't much if you only have a switch but the two metroid games it has are peak.

[robototron217]

Something I don't see people talk about whenever they talk about combat in souls games is how specific moves enemies use can inform world design in such a unique way.

Sure there's surface level stuff like "oh we're in the library and the knights here use magic as well as sword fighting" but also some enemies have sword swings that are directly references to a boss they're a recruit for, or sometimes even to another game whose design informs the one you're playing currently.

The clearest example I can think of off the dome for the former is the Enir-Ilim knights having the same swings and moves as the final boss of their area Promised Consort Radahn. You can recognize the patterns of their attacks and when you recognize those same arcs and combos in the boss there's a really cool "oh shit" moment where it clicks that these people learned from other knights, there is a style that they're fighting in that has specific moves in it.

It's actually super prominent in sekiro where these different styles have names. You know you're fighting a warrior of Ashina based on the moves they use and it is extremely effective at placing an enemy type in the world. Even more is that you can tell the hierarchy of the enemies you're engaging with because they will use the same moves but *worse*, they are clumsily appropriating their bosses moves to try and be better. Or if they're a higher ranking enemy they will incorporate the bosses moves and also mix in their own unique attacks on the style.

The clearest and most obvious references to other games is the overhead frontflip swing that PCR from Elden ring does being a reference to the Artorias fight from ds1 (they've referenced this multiple times and you can even do this move yourself in Elden ring) but they also have done similar cross game references elsewhere like with Malenia doing the kick move that the interior ministry ninjas do in sekiro. You are being told as a player of these games that this fight is designed with the same principles in mind that sekiro fights were made with. I am 100% certain that waterfowl dance would be an incredibly engaging move to parry in sekiro, but you have to translate how to dodge it in a system that doesn't let you do that which is what makes it such a difficult move to deal with.

I know that if I had played bloodborne there would be references to that game in sequential ones. it's why people say Gale from ds3 is a bloodborne boss in a souls game, and I'm making the claim that Malenia is a sekiro boss in a souls game.

It's such a unique phenomenon to these kinds of games that I find very very cathartic to recognize in real time, like "I know you, I see what you're doing and it's fucking genius"

Long and short is that I love these games and this kind of reference, I'd love for people to share anything like this they've noticed in other series or even ones I might have missed in souls borne games!

[girlballs]

wait i just realized. in spite of my recent posting about invasions and co-op balance and difficulty, lesser beast is not going to be Hard for the sake of Being Hard, like. just wanna make that clear that it's not gonna be targeted at like the annoying shitheads who thought sekiro having an easier mode would be a grave offense to the sanctity of gaming as an art form

the goal for stuff that's required to beat the game will generally be like. i'll trust the player to seek out and utilize things that lessen the difficulty if they think they need it (specific boss weaknesses, alternate playstyles with more room for error, things that can directly increase your effective power beyond the "intended" progression) or to challenge themselves More if they feel like their own skill is a little above the current challenge level (think like, the Demon Bell from Sekiro or Covenant of Champions from DS2 for some overt examples), whereas completely optional stuff will be generally tougher and might lean more heavily towards specific ways of engaging with it (e.g. bosses that Expect you to parry & deflect, and heavily punish dodge-focused and ranged builds)

also respeccing is gonna be cheap and accessible so you can't as easily like fuck yourself over early with a weird build you don't like, or if you want to see if a different build might help (or hinder!) you for a specific boss/area/etc

[bitter-panacea]

Goultard's introduction in the Dofus manga, his confrontation with Clustus Part 2

Part 1

Let's get right back to the fight. Clustus tells Goultard he talks too much and attacks first.

Clustus : You shouldn't have been called Goultard the barbarian but Goultard the chatty!

I still think the D at the end of Goultard's name was supposed to be silent. First of all because in french the D is usually silent in words that end in -ard-, just like here in "bavard", but also because they make a lot of rhymes with his name and none of them work if you pronounce the D. Goultard le barbare, le bavard, le bâtard etc

ANYWAY! Back to the fight. Goultard is hoping this fight won't be yet another disappointment...

Goultard : King Clustus, I hope you have more to offer me than a pityful crow spell.

Turns out Clustus isn't king of Bonta for no reason and is actually quite skilled in combat. And Goultard seems pleased to see it. Maybe this won't be as easy and boring as he expected.

Goultard : Well, well, well... This old man can do some damage.

"Bonhomme" is a very interesting word to me. It can mean "man" or more accurately "fellow". For example "bonhomme de neige" is a snowman, "un bonhomme" is also what you'd call a child's drawing of a person, there is something childish about it.... It's informal and can be affectionate or condescending, maybe even both at the same time. Goultard calls Joris "petit bonhomme" (little fellow), but he's not the only one who uses that word to describe him. (If I'm not mistaken, Gou affectionately calls Arty bonhomme... I might be wrong but I'm too lazy to check right now)

BACK TO THE FIGHT

Clustus invokes the royal crackler (whose name happens to be Kabor). Goultard gets crushed by Kabor and buried under the rubble but frees himself and destroys him with ease.

Rip Kabor

And Goultard starts talking again (he wants to be mysterious so bad but he simply cannot stfu)

Goultard : You said earlier that you knew me... But I'm not so sure, you must be wrong. Because, you see... If you really knew me, you would hold more of a grudge!

Clustus basically tells him to "be more clear or shut the fuck up".

Clustus : A grudge? What do you mean by that? Be more clear, if you will, I'm too old for guessing games. / Goultard : I'm much older than you, Clustus, and I still love riddles... But let's not get distracted, what I meant to say... Oh!

Goultard loves riddles apparently, (I find that hard to believe but why not.) Goultard says "let's not get distracted" and immediately gets distracted by a cool sword he saw. Clustus attacks while Goultard has his back turned (to pick up the cool sword he saw.) Goultard parries the blow and slashes Clustus across the chest (with the cool sword he just picked up.)

Goultard: As I was saying...You can't know me, we've never met before. However, I know you, and I've known, your father well. The king Balbosus Sheran Sharm! / Clustus : What... Impossible!

Goultard : a king well-deserves a few explanations before dying! You see, Clustus, I've spent wonderful moments with your father. He even almost "freed" me. Shortly before I took his life!

Clustus' reaction to that information

Clustus : It's impossible. My father died sixty years ago! I don't know what you're playing at but your story makes no sense! He lost his life facing a monster named Dark Vlad.

Goultard shapeshifts into Vlad just a moment to make Clustus understand they're part of the same entity.

Clustus : You killed my father... He was a good man... Generous and certainly the best king Bonta ever had! / Goultard : Maybe...

Goultard : But once again... That changes nothing! You all are nothing but humans. Whether rich or poor, kings or peasants... Only your combativeness and eagerness interests me!

(I will explore this whole thing with Goultard's contempt for humans, how he doesn't see himself as a human yet wishes he could feel like one, his self-loathing, in a future post focusing on Gou and the symbiote)

Goultard : And to get back to your father, know that he didn't hesitate to sacrifice his men to get me! And when time came for him to be reunited with his ancestors, he begged me to spare him...

Goultard : If you're saying the truth and he really was the greatest king this city's ever known... I don't dare imagine what the others must be like!

We don't know anything more about Goultard and Balbosus' realtionship but I go absolutely fucking bonkers imagining what it could have been like. Wonderful moments, knew each other well, almost freed him, but in the end sacrificed his men trying to capture him... I could talk more about it but It's all stuff I completely made the fuck up in my head. In my head Balbosus wished to free Goultard in a messed up dehumanizing savior complex way "I must free this creature and if I can't, i'll be the one to kill it". They fought many times but Goultard would always let Balbosus live because he was amused and intrigued by his weird obsession for him. A sick game of cat and mouse. Goultard enjoying the thrill of being chased... Until the symbiote grew more possessive of his prey, or Goultard got bored of Balbosus, or he felt betrayed when Balbosus sent his men after him... The fact Dark Vlad is the one who killed Balbosus in the end could also imply Goultard lost control at some point before he finally decided to kill him... Much to think about.

Goultard then starts to shift between his different shapes, revealing only now that, all along, Vald (who we thought was dead), was a part of Goultard, or that Goultard and Vald are both part of a whole. He talks briefly about Vlad and Vald having 50% and 5% of his potential strength, respectively. Clustus calls him insane.

Goultard : No, in hindsight... You could have only beaten me in my Vald form.

Clustus : Well, boy... Seems like you have a couple bats in the belfry! Quickly, put me out of my misery, I've had enough of your ravings... (why is he so funny)

Goultard : My... ravings? My ravings, as you say, make my immortality easier to put up with. / Clustus : If you say so!

Goultard HATES being immortal. Being immortal is a curse, unbearable without adapting by developping a dissociative disorder.

Goultard gets bored of talking to Clustus and decides to leave to find something better to do. Clustus realizes Goultard isn't going to kill him after all.

Goultard : Time has already taken its toll on you, Clustus. You're but a shadow of your former self. So don't count on me to give you the warrior's death that you dream of so badly! It's much more cruel to imagine you passing away on your throne like the senile old man you are.

Clustus shouts at Goultard to come back and finish him off. But Goultard is gone.

Volume 6 continues with Goultard's backstory and ends when Goultard finds Arty and offers him to fight. I'll probably make a post comparing Goultard's manga backstory and the animated one.

[starburstsobsessions]

MORE AC Mirage thoughts >:) Compiled sporadically

OKAY I'M SO CONSISTENTLY HAPPY WITH RIPPING WANTED POSTERS DOWN. AGH!!!! SO GLAD ITS BACK WE ARE SO BACK

This game is entirely plagued by the fact that he ends up in modern times looking like a hipster, and as our next modern protag 🧍I love it

Despite being still open world like Valhalla and Odyssey, the level design is FAR better and FAR closer to the old ones and its SO NICE. ACV and ACO didnt have... actually much level design at all LMFAO I spent very very little time planning out what I needed to do and the best paths to take and all the things Mirage wants me to do. It works really good!!! Like this early prison break mission was so well thought out while still having all the new game stuff. The wacking Al Ghul mission was fun as hell too like it was so neat fr. That's where I'm paused for now!!

Combat being harder is SO MUCH FUN. I LOVE Valhalla but in it, I quickly just got the best heavy sword possible and max upgraded it and swang it around like a tank bc thats what Eivor is. Super fun too, but Mirage gives me a challenge again. Learning the whole parry system again like Ye Olde Days is fun as hell and feels rewarding when I finally start getting it right. Also, Basim can only take FAR less hits, which is an instant incentive to sneak around instead. Again, Eivor was a tank and I never worried abt it LMFAO.

I love that Basim is the first and only(?) character to have "questions" and falter during all of the assassins creed shenanigans. He couldn't leap of faith. He's confused by the assassination cutscene. There's probably more I forgot. Fun af.

I think it's hilarious how dramatic he is even at shops, just like Eivor is. I constantly made fun of her for that so he gets the same treatment. It's just rlly funny to me when leaving a shop and they dramatically turn to the wind and go like... "I must take my leave... so long..." uheiufhiauhsiuf bro I stopped by just to sell like a tennis ball and 4 teeth

Basim and Ali and Beshi polycule they should fuck. What the hell was that introduction to Ali like ewww get a room ygs. Will I regret this statement later is the question.

Also I love Basim's expressions but I DON'T like how he occasionally has Eivor's idle animations LMFAOO it jumpscares me sometimes but it doesn't injure me. He has plenty of his own.

Also I can't get the bird to land on me?? I need to look up if the bird can do it in this one or not.

I probably have more I'm forgetting. stay tuned.

and also @luv-again hiiii <3

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

The black eagles' favorite weapons for ds3 pvp (I don't know why I'm making this i know it's stupid but I have to)

Edelgard: black knight greataxe. she has mastered the burger flip. do I really need to elaborate

Hubert: he would do some stupid meta shit on a dark build like 1h gotthard's or murky because he's fucking evil and he's an asshole. but also I think he lowkey sucks at the game

Ferdinand: he's always trying to outdo edelgard, so he uses the black knight greatsword because he thinks it's better. he is constantly trying to but never successfully does the wombo combo

Dorothea: she uses the dancer's blades sometimes to clown on people because she thinks it's funny to know the combos for this dogshit weapon. otherwise she goes refined estoc, sharp rapier or demon's scar depending on her mood

Petra: I would say sharp sellswords since the speed and high damage feels very petra, but I think she would appreciate putting people in the blender with some of the underrated high tier weapons like the partizan.

Bernadetta: she likes millwood greatbow because it keeps people away and on their toes, but when she needs to fight she likes long weapons like estoc, washing pole and lothric long spear

Caspar: he uses both pontiff rings and demon's fist and just fucking goes ham on you. sometimes he spams l2 with a heavy caestus and mashes l1. he is very easy to parry

Linhardt: he would be the fucking nerd of the friend group who always goes int builds, I guess he would use moonlight greatsword or something because all the other offerings are kinda dogshit and he's not cool enough for aquamarine dagger

sorry this is like completely insane and totally pointless but it came to my mind and I had to write it down.

.

[cerastes]

So how is ex astris so far?

I'm still in the early game, so keep that in mind:

Fun so far! The combat system is nice and fun: You have limited AP for actions per turn, but attacks, called Skills, and characters tend to have a way to generate more AP so your other units can follow up, so for example, some attacks have the Starter property, which makes them generate AP if used as the first attack in a turn, other attacks have Downed Strike as a property, which makes them generate AP if they land on an enemy that has been Downed, and this is accomplished by attacks with the Downed property, or if you swat a Floating enemy out of the air (with an appropriate attack). There's also some attacks that are Low and High, meaning they hit ground(ed) enemies only or enemies that are either flying or have been knocked midair by a Lifting attack. You make movesets to accomplish all of these combo strings so that they land and make as much AP as possible in one turn.

Defending is very Paper Mario style: You have to time your button press with the enemy's attack in order to avoid taking damage. Yan, one of the main characters, avoids attacks as her Defense with Shadowshift; successful evasion gives you meter for your big super move. Vi, the other main character, parries instead; successful parries don't build meter, but they deal Balance Damage to enemies instead, because Vi is a big Sekiro fan. Evasion is red coded, Parries are blue coded, and some enemies have special moves that flash red or blue before coming out: You MUST match them to their respective defense in order to Defend against them, so you need to switch Defending character on the fly as well, it's fun and dynamic.

Balance is basically the enemy's posture. If you break the enemy's Balance by emptying their Balance Health, you go into Kill This Fool mode (may or may not be the official name) in which you can, for a limited amount of time, spam your attacks nonstop regardless of AP or turn order, dealing massive damage. Your super move is simple: You simply use the meter and do your super, and they have different effects depending on character. Meter is shared.

It's a straightforward and fun system, and as a big fan of Paper Mario and Sekiro, I like the mixture of both, basically having to time your Defense (and the enemy WILL fuck with your timing by using weird delays or multihits!) and empty the enemy's Balance to absolutely beat the crap out of them.

I can't speak much of the narrative just yet since I'm early, but I do feel the constraints of the mobile game: Some cutscenes really could've been better, but I feel like they tried to skim them so they could fit everything in. Maybe it gets better later when we hit the narrative highs. They've not been bad, though, just, I feel they could be better and tell more more about the characters through their body language and some extra dialogue per scene, truly capitalize on the fact that they are making a fully animated game.

But yeah! Been fun so far!

[bluebudgie]

I accidentally sausagefinger deleted my 20k DA4 review so you get an abridged version now. No more nuance and elaboration, i can't be arsed to retype all of this.

Tl;dr

- Solid game with many flaws.

- If you already are a DA fan it's worth playing

- If you want to get into the series don't start here unless you really want to for a specific reason

Not entirely spoiler free:

Liked the game overall. Also no game has annoyed me this much in years.

Here's some good stuff:

- Beautiful, gorgeous environments.

- Overall cool and likeable cast with mostly interesting companion quests and fun character interactions.

- High quality german localization and VA (didn't try english)

- Appreciate the inclusion of gender neutral pronouns which is even less a given than it is in english since as of now there is no officially recognized equivalent for they/them in this language

- Loved the little things. Returning voice actors. Punching Solas in the face. Dorian Pavus.

- Great sound design during the Weisshaupt quest. Felt very immersive.

- Rivain exploration Tangled Depths moment. When you look at your destination 5 meters above your head and go HUH?

Stuff I hated that's extremely subjective:

Combat. Least fun combat I've experienced in any game ever. Every battle is a pvp match against 10 longbow bear rangers that spam point blank shot with no cooldown. Spending 98% of the battle dodging isn't fun

- Why is there a parry build in the skill tree when half of the enemies have huge hammers you cant parry (skill issue?)

- Party members being invulnerable pets that do nothing but use 1 out of 3 skills off cooldown is bullshit

Soundtrack. Ok no listen I didn't spend the last two months agonizing over this to give you the abridged version now. [takes a deep breath] Here we go again.

"I'm not angry with you, I'm just very disappointed." [Heavy Silence]

Seriously what the fuck was that. The biggest nothingburger that ever nothinged. Or burgered. Like cool they got Hans Zimmer or whatever but if they only had the budget to pay for 2 songs and 3 chords then maybe... don't?

Half of the game is dead silence interrupted by the same 3 notes. Once in a while you dare hope that a song starts playing only for it to fade out within a few seconds. Even many of the battles (including story battles) are fought in silence. And like. Don't get me wrong here. Silence can be good if utilized effectively. I like a good ambient soundtrack. Inquisition had great ambience (mage quest or winter palace bgm anyone?). Super Metroid has great ambience. Hell my favourite gw2 map has insect chittering for music. But this game. They really went "Go girl give us nothing!" with full conviction.

The little music that is there is largely generically inoffensive but also extremely repetitive. And despite all the repetition it's still forgettable as hell. Dictionary definition of an orchestral slop soundtrack. And also the dictionary definition of disappointment. Good god.

Ok moving on with the abridged review. The following points are things that sort of bugged me and I could imagine that other people feel similarly.

- I mean the main story with those saturday morning cartoon villains speaking in stock villain lines was silly but that's just kinda bioware storywriting so all as expected. We're here for interpersonal relationships and side stories anyway.

- So I said I liked the cast. They're too likable. Too safe. Too sanitized. Has everyone forgotten how to be an asshole?

- It's almost impossible to have companions disagree with your decisions. Where are the contrarians? Who do I throw fists with? Why is everyone licking main character boots? I know we've all* hated on Solas for years but that doesn't mean we can't have dicks in the party anymore? We're not babies?? *not you

- Also why does main character get to do life altering decisions for everyone 😭 Bruh none of your business... In some cases it made sense, but some of these... (Taash...??)

- Taash's questline sucked we all agree on this right

- That extremely unsubtle choice pop up whenever a decision you made had an influence on something. Like bruh ok you don't have to tell me about every little choice branch, where's the surprises man

- Companion quests being a mandatory gameplay element isn't the worst of these things but I did prefer when they were entirely optional so it was your bad when you missed out on relationships etc. Plus the gameplay loop created by this in da4 was very tedious after a while

- I don't like how the main character was kinda predetermined as a sassy jokester no matter which dialogue choices you pick but you get used to it

- The also extremely unsubtle faction meter that practically screams "if you don't fill the meter it will have consequences during the final battle". Again where's the surprises?

In general the game felt too predictable and too sanitized to be the least amount of inconvenient as possible.

And that's all I can think of right now.

Overall I'd say

DA2 < DA4 < DA:O < DA:I

[shortythezombie]

I've now played every modern From Soft game except for Demon's Souls, which I likely won't bother with, and Armored Core, which doesn't fill this same niche as hard, and here's how they stack up in my opinion:

1. Elden Ring: Give me a Sekiro parry and conventional, 4-player(ish) co-op and this is a perfect game.

2. Sekiro: This game feels cool as hell. Parrying lightning on your way to stab a dragon in the face? Hell. Yes. On top of that, it's the most coherent, dialogue heavy From Soft story to date, and I love that an awful lot.

3. Dark Souls 2: I genuinely don't understand the hate this game gets, it makes some weird decisions, but not any worse than any other game in the franchise. Adaptability is not as bad as Vitality in DS3. No I-frames on doors? Dude, just kill everything. It's not a bad game for demanding you engage with the content in it. These aren't boss rushes, they're adventures. This game introduced powerstancing! I love the NPCs, the fact that you can make things stop respawning, Majula, and the narrative divorced from Kindling or abandoning the Flame. Basically the only part of this game I didn't like enough that it made me want to stop playing was the Frigid Outskirts, I STILL haven't beaten the duo tigers at the end of it, and I likely never will. I don't even understand why the Shrine of Amana gets so much hate.

4. Dark Souls 1: This one is solid, but definitely a proof of concept. The 4-directional dodge definitely hurts this game, and basically everything after Ornstein and Smough sucks, except the DLC. Izaleth and everything directly adjacent to it can go fuck itself. Bed of Chaos is the worst boss in the entire catalogue. Bonus points for the Sunbro.

5. Dark Souls 3: I don't understand why this game gets the praise it does. It's about on par with the other two Dark Souls games. Crystal Sage another series low. I hate the poison swamp and the Road of Sacrifice, I hate the Deep Cathedral and the worm guys outside. I hate Midir. Gael one of my favorite bosses in the entire From franchise tho. The poetic cinema that your first enemy in Dark Souls 1 is a Hollow with a broken sword, and your last enemy in Dark Souls 3 is a Hollow with a broken sword also goes real hard. Soundtrack another bonus, probably my favorite other than Elden Ring. I think if this game didn't poke nostalgia for series vets, it wouldn't be as universally praised.

6. Bloodborne: Man I just plain don't like this one. I don't get why the Hoonter hoonts. It's made obvious immediately that that's an evil course of action to take. The parry was too finicky to feel cool most of the time, and the line between what I'm allowed to parry and what I'm not seems random. The soundtrack is okay. The bosses are all either dogs or tentacles, or just British people (shudder). The story was nonsensical, and the birth imagery seemed, at first glance, random, though I have since had it explained to me that it's about feminine agency and motherhood. "Is it blood or eyes that lets us meet god?" Both, apparently, and also all of you are insane, maybe stop touching beached elder gods. This is also the only game where I got to pick a weapon and the Greatsword is not on the table, and I HATE that. I think folks like this game cuz they want to be British, and that should be a source of shame. Drip unmatched tho. This is the only game listed that isn't one of my favorite games of all time.

I used the capital-G-Greatsword for every game it was available, Heavy Gem infused in every game except Elden Ring (I did Bleed there), and my character was a pale blue monstrosity named Miku (because he had ponytails) in every game I got to make my character. I don't cast spells, at all. I beat every boss in the series (excluding ER, I'm not killing all 200-something, go fuck yourself) except for the aforementioned tiger gank in DS2. Fuck the Frigid Outskirts.

I want to smoke a blunt with Solaire, Vengarl, Alexander, and Patches.

If you'd like me to elaborate on anything, let me know, I'm happy to yap. I got a rant on the dragons cocked n loaded that I'll dump eventually.