#also i didnt want to do too many pages cause i had a deadline so that might be part of the problem

[vanilla-extracter]

Comic for a medieval themed artbook !!

[elvesofnoldor]

i screened my thesis project again today along with my classmates, and honestly it went way better than yesterday, so my state of being has gone from “death” to “i think i’m a neurotypical now!!” even though i have a group assignment worth 30% due tomorrow and we more or less just started lol (i got it under control though, its just a fake grant application for a hypothetical arts project). Yesterday, and today morning, I was really worried about “grainy” images--they were not very grainy at all, but they aren’t the most pleasing visuals either.  i can’t really help with it beside making images too soft on edges or with a editing software plug in, so whatever, the images look better when they are projected anyways. 

More people showed up, no one walked out--and a prof who apparently walked out on many other classmates’ presentations stayed for mine and said he liked mine. Couple of more people complimented my project. Oh boy I kinda wish he’s grading my project now, because the profs grading my project were not fans lmao! (Francis--one of the profs grading my project--said the video essay was “very good” but im pretty sure she doesnt like the film itself, which is understandable considering that i basically shot it myself and had some help from a friend). I actually have such complicated feelings about this prof that liked my film (hes called scott). Like, first of all, i think i have a good shot at getting an A in his European films course right now, and he actually LECTURED in this course while he didn’t really do that for any other courses he taught in lol (i got ok grades in his two other courses but not an A yet). On one hand, Scott is just a very typical fine art department prof for not giving a heck in terms of lecturing, but on the other hand, hes super cultured and actually pretty laid back. His lecture in the European cinema class is so rich in content that I think if i recorded his one hour lecture and edited it, it’d be a very solid film editorial. He’s a cool leftist dude, he just doesnt give a heck sometimes. Anyways, my little short film is based on Wong Kar Wai’s aesthetic, and in Scott’s comment, he said that he could see how wong kar wai and Godard (a French new wave pioneer) influenced my short film, and considering that he didnt seem to stay for any other people’s project, I’m pretty sure that the fact that my film reminded him of one of the new wave filmmaker is THE reason he stayed for mine. Ofc he’s the only one who could truly appreciate it. Obviously, weird/unconventional story structure basing off obscure aesthetic influence just doesn’t go well with 0 dollar budget and mediocre film equipment and no professional help! But most importantly! No professional help! This would have worked out if the profs kept in mind the limitation we have and the limitation they have while they graded us!!! Godard also shot with basically no budget as well, but again he was a PIONEER--that’s why his films are any value in this time and day. 

Our class is meeting the thesis course’s profs again on this Wednesday, because we need to discuss our final project submission. i really want my profs to give me feedback on the changes they want, cause i need to give my shot at getting a decent grade in this 6 units course (a full year course done in one term, actually). I already got into grad school, and i dont think anything above B- would ruin my GPA--tbh I’m expecting a B or B+, and i’d throw a goddamn party if i manage to get a A- with the grade i got from mid term presentation (i participated a lot and attended all the classes and got a A- on my proposal, its just that one shit ass grade on mid term). It’s not fucking fair though, I could have a shot at A-, but they didnt properly explain what they wanted from me--or anyone tbh--on the mid term presentation and gave me shit grade for their own incompetence lol! I’m not the only ones who dislike them--most of the class don’t. I could have gotten an ok grade for my mid term if i knew what they wanted! It’s not like I’m not capable of providing the information at the time! Like I said before, they failed people (not me, thank shit) on the mid term based on arbitrary terms. They also got into trouble later because five people out of 26 ppl in the class have gone to our department head and complained lol! And i know the class in general didnt do great on the 25% mid term presentation. So for our final 35% of the mark? They better grade us according to the resources we are given! which is none!!!  They were seriously no help whatsoever, and I will shit on them till I fucking die lol. I don’t shit on profs or teachers often, but how they structured and dealt with the class was beyond unacceptable. i didn’t really talk to one of them, but today at the dinner, she said it to my face--”well we told you, you can’t shoot a film on your own”. WELL SHIT BITCH! YOU DIDN’T GIVE ME ANY SUGGESTION ON WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE INSTEAD WHEN KNOW I DONT REALLY HAVE HELP, AND YOU ARE FUCKING PAID TO DO THAT!! SO!! The only positive thing that came out of this experience is that i figured out that i dont wanna have anything to do with shooting on set or directing after this project, because coordinating people and putting together a crew are NOT my strongest suit and I accept that a little too late. If I wasn’t so obsess with wong kar wai, i might have see reason early on...but oh well, i did this, and at least im not doing something like that ever again. To be honest, im in film because im most passionated about story construction anyways, so after my M.A, hopefully I can have a strong enough profolio to apply for screenwriting program. I think i should really write a featured screenplay over the summer, they are easier to churn out and i gotta do it for my career lol. The longest consistent thing i’ve written is a 20 pages short story, but i also wrote that in only two nights. I just gotta sit down and do the stuff, cause i either don’t write at all or i write a lot super fast--mainly to meet a deadline.  But dude i dont wanna figure this important info out regarding my career path on the expense of my grade lol!! i know that we university students are supposed to figure a lot of things out on our own blah blah blah, but that doesnt mean we are paying profs $300 per course for them to sit around and giving us shit grades for nothing!!! Fucking film profs i s2g, they are either no help whatsoever and snobby af, or doesnt give heck and no help whatsoever. I was nothing but polite and civil and sweet when talking to my thesis course profs, but believe me, when i was thinking abt the way they behaved, im in such mood to go off.