#also i cried. quite a bit writing it 💔💔💔

[purposefully-lost]

There was a note and a few bills on the counter when she got home. If you want to order dinner. Tell Andrew I said hello!

Oh. Right. She'd mentioned that Andy might be coming over tonight. Chris ignored the note and the cash both in favor of moving right for the stairs. Her bedroom door was slammed shut and her shoes were kicked to the corner before she walked over to her bookcase. She barely had to glance at it to know what book she was reaching for. A battered paperback was pulled from its place on the shelf and pulled to her chest as she climbed onto her bed, her back against the wall and her legs drawn up so that she was as curled into herself as she could be. With her head tilted down, her lips pressed to the top of the book, and she squeezed her eyes shut against the tears that threatened to run.

The Return of the King. She hadn't actually finished it yet. She'd been about halfway through when Rabbit had disappeared; the library hadn't had any copies on hand, and when she'd mentioned it, he'd given her his to borrow. He'd apologized that it was a little beat-up and scribbled in, but she hadn't minded at the time, and now.. now it was a solace to her. Even if she couldn't bring herself to read it, just knowing the pages inside were marked and folded and written on by his hands had been a comfort. She'd been keeping it safe, just so she could return it when he came home.

No matter how hard she'd tried to fight it, the tears finally came anyway. Chris whined, reaching up to rip off her glasses and toss them maybe harder than was safe to towards the nightstand. She didn't glance to see if they'd landed where they'd meant to, instead leaning down further to press her forehead to the book. She could smell the mustiness of the pages, could feel the way they'd softened at the edges as they'd aged. She wondered how long Rabbit had had this particular copy, if it'd always been his or if it'd been secondhand. It wasn't like it mattered and it wasn't like she'd ever get the chance to ask him. He was dead.

There was no one home to hear her cry, so there was nothing to be held back. She choked and cried and yelled in frustration, squeezing the book to her chest like it was a lifeline. She screamed, muffling the sound in her arms, until her voice turned hoarse and her chest felt hollow. There was an instinct to go downstairs and find the phone, dial the number she'd taped up to the wall next to it over a year ago, look for comfort in the only other person in the world who'd really known what she was missing. The thought just made her yell again, wordless and angry, even if it made her throat hurt and left her coughing for breath. What a fucking joke. All those times she'd looked to Andy for friendship and compassion and all he'd done was lie to her. She was tempted to think that he was just as bad as his stupid friends, but honestly, he was worse. Desmond Baker and Alan Nowak had never had the smarts to string her along and make her think they were her friends. Andy had been doing it for a year-- and he'd done it to Jack, too.

Chris choked. He was dead, wasn't he? There was no use in denying it anymore. If he was alive, he'd have been caught by now. She supposed there was the chance that he'd just.. gotten away, he'd always been smart, but his face was one of the most distinctive she'd ever known. Someone would've recognized him. She'd been living for a year with a stupid fantasy of him coming home, alive, somehow with the evidence that it hadn't been him, or that his hand had been forced, and things would ease into normalcy again. This time, she'd ask him out or kiss him stupid the moment she saw him. She'd hold his hand..

She squeezed the book at her chest. She was aching to touch him, just to feel him there beside her. The closest they'd ever been was that formal and it'd been much too brief. The memory of the way it'd felt to have his hands on her waist was starting to fade and there was nothing in the world that had compared to his cheek against her lips. She should've kissed him then, a real kiss, and maybe somehow none of this would've happened.

"Jack.." her voice was meek and broken as she glanced up, taking in her empty bedroom. It almost didn't feel real, this place she'd grown up in and that she saw every day of her life. It didn't feel safe, or familiar. The posters on the wall felt like strangers, the room at the corners felt too small and the whole of it felt too empty and open. The light seemed doubly artificial, more like a movie set than an actual bedroom. Her breath hitched. "Jack, I really miss you."

There wasn't any response. Of course there wasn't. Tears slipped down her face that somehow felt cold.

"And I'm really sorry," she said, squeezing at the book as if the boy himself would be able to feel it. "I- I didn't know. I didn't know anything." Not about what Andy had done, not about all the things he'd actually suffered through outside of what she saw at school. Her chest hurt. "We- we should've gotten dinner, after the dance. I..."

She trailed off, closing her eyes. How fucking stupid. He couldn't hear her and she knew it-- what more was there to say to an empty room? Trembling, she pressed her lips to the book again and bowed her head, waiting until it passed or she fell asleep one. It was going to be a long night.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Chris was shaking as she spat the words out, staring wide-eyed and wild at Andy. Just a moment ago she'd been sitting next to him, listening with a slowly sinking heart as he told her about Jonathan's love letter. That had stung, just a little bit. She'd spent the last few months of their time together pining hard over Jack Stone while he'd had his eyes on someone else. But that was fine, that wasn't his fault, and she would be happy to just be his friend, but before she could even fully process that, her heart wasn't sinking so much as dropping violently to the bottom of her stomach. She'd jerked away from Andy and stumbled a few steps across the floor, turning on him while she went through the stages of shock.

Andy looked ready to cry. His eyes were as wide as her own and his shoulders shook like he couldn't catch his breath. "Chris, I--"

"Shut up!" They were less words, more of a scream. If his parents had been home, she didn't doubt they'd hear them storming into the living room at that one. Not to demand anything of Andy, of course, he was perfect, to their eyes and everyone else's, but glad to finally have a reason to send her home, demand she never spoke to Andy again. Honestly, right now, that didn't sound too bad. Her vision starting to blur, she wrapped her arms around herself. "Why would you-- fuck! You're such a dick!"

"I know!" He yelled back. "Chris-!"

"No you don't!" There was real panic in his eyes, something she wasn't quite sure she'd seen there before. She'd seen sorrow and heartbreak and frustration and everything else in-between, but this was something like fear. She didn't like the way it made her chest tighten. "No you fucking don't, Andy! You- you fucking--" She choked, not quite breaking into tears yet, but close. She remembered Jack getting all beat up more clearly than she'd ever admit; it'd worried her to death and he wouldn't even talk to her for weeks after it'd happened. She'd been worried that she'd done something wrong, somehow, like she'd been insenstive or pushy and had pushed him right away from her when he could've used a friend. And she remembered Andy, too, the first time he'd ever really talked to her, asking if Jonathan Stone was alright.

God, she felt sick. Something heavy and aching settled in her gut, her gaze hardening into a glare. "Are- are we even really friends?" She asked, her voice bitter and her breath hitching. She watched the shock move over his face, turning panic and upset into something confused.

"What?" Andy shifted on the edge of the couch like he wanted to stand. "What do you mean?"

Chris' hands dug into her jacket at her sides. Her skin crawled. It'd been a little weird, hadn't it? Andy giving a shit. It'd surprised her to learn that he and Jack had been friends and maybe she shouldn't have ever taken it at face value. She shook her head. "You're such a dick!" She yelled again. "Did you ever even care about him? Or- or were you just guilty?" The tears started to spill, causing her to almost snarl as she continued on. She hated it- all those times Andy had seen her break, had carried her home and coaxed a laugh out of her. She wondered if it'd been some kind of act, at least at the start. Some half-hearted attempt to make himself less guilty by befriending Jack's stupid friend. "How much have you been lying to me?"

"I..." There was a look on his face that she recognized now. Pure and utter heartbreak, the kind of look he got when they'd driven out of the city for Rabbit's seventeenth birthday. They'd sat on the hood of his car in some field somewhere and had traded a beer back and forth, letting music play from the radio while they talked about the boy they were honoring. It'd been a sweet idea and a good memory, but right now she wished she'd never gone. "I didn't tell you about this, but that's it," he finally managed. "You've gotta understand, I was scared. And I- I thought..."

"Liar!" She shook her head again. "You- you hurt him! How could you fucking say you were friends? God, Andy, what if it's your fucking fault?"

He looked taken aback. "Chris-"

"Don't fucking talk to me! Don't you dare!" She yelled. She was taking a step back, realizing that she needed to go. She couldn't be around him any more. "He's dead! He's dead 'cause everyone treated him like shit and you were apart of that! What if it's your fault, Andrew?"

"Don't you think I've thought about that?" It was the thing that had finally gotten him to snap back. It went unnoticed, though, because Chris' eyes had widened. She wasn't even really looking at him, anymore.

In the year and a half since he'd gone, she'd never once really let herself consider the possibility that he was dead. But it'd slipped out as easy as nothing and suddenly the tears were coming on much stronger than before. Andy started to stand and move towards her, but she stumbled back with a frustrated noise that was mostly just a broken-sounding scream. Desperate to put distance between them, she ran for the front door and slammed it hard behind her, barely aware of anything she did until she was sitting at a stoplight on the way back to her own home, her hands gripping hard at the steering wheel. It dawned on her that she wasn't ever going to talk to Andy Campbell again.

[tatterdemalyon]

i deserve multiple awards for being able to sit through midge's storyline in this season actually!

[wordsmithwhumpsandfluff]

For the ask game: Eliana as sickie, Jordan and Keiko as caretakers with angst/stomach flu/emergency room

Ok. This one is intense. I actually nearly cried while writing this one💔

!!!!!!TW!!!!!!: Homophobia, racism, very dark thoughts & emeto

——————————————————————————————————

Eliana kept styling and un-styling her hair, unsure of what to do with it. One thing was for sure: her mom was going to make some comment on it, no matter what, like she always did. Her parents were always telling her to go back to blonde and to lose the purple.

“Two braids?” Jordan suggested.

“Already tried that,” Eliana said while parting her hair down the middle. Finally, with a frustrated sigh, she dropped her hands and let her hair fall loosely. “Why the hell does my sister want to go to California for her sweet 16? Can’t that bitch go literally anywhere else that’s not just a few hours away?”

Jordan smiled sympathetically, walking up behind Eliana and gathering the girl’s beautiful purple hair. “Well, I was going to have to meet your parents eventually. Plus, it’s only a day, and it’s not like we’re going to your sister’s party next week. And you said that your brother was coming, too, and he’s gonna basically be a buffer. Right?”

Eliana nodded, smiling as Jordan braided and twisted her hair into the most elaborate and beautiful bun she’d ever seen. It was a little bit messy, but still very elegant.

Eliana had been scared about how she would dress in front of her family, but she wound up just sucking it up and wearing her favorite Van Goh t-shirt and some jeans that she painted flowers on herself, and Jordan was wearing a jean jacket with a light blue summer dress.

Since the night before, Eliana’s stomach has felt. . . awful, to say the least. But it was manageable, and she was chalking it up to nerves.

Of course, her parents knew she had a girlfriend. She had talked about Jordan once or twice the last few times she visited her parents. But they were finally going to meet her, in person. Just the thought was making Eliana nauseous.

Jordan was frustratingly calm. But then again, Jordan had quite a spine, whilst Eliana still cowered whenever her mother simply said her name.

“Ready to go?” Jordan asked.

Eliana nodded.

“You have your phone, right?”

Eliana nodded.

“Your car or mine?”

Eliana nodded.

“Did you solve global warming yet?”

Eliana started to nod, then froze, looking at Jordan with confusion.

Jordan just smirked, grabbing Eliana’s keys from her kitchen counter and saying, “I’ll drive, sweetheart.”

— — —

“El!”

Eliana smiled as she ran up to her brother who was waiting in front of the restaurant. He hugged her tightly, basically lifting her off of her feet.

Jordan came up to them, smiling as well. “Hi, Aaron,” she said.

Aaron and Eliana broke apart from the hug and Aaron smiled at Jordan. “Hey,” he said. “It’s nice to finally see you not through FaceTime.”

Jordan chuckled. “Same.”

They exchanged a quick hug. Then Aaron lowered his voice slightly. “So, the preacher-patrol is inside. Mom got here really early, and said I was late even though I was early, too. So just warning you about that.”

Eliana sighed heavily, rubbing her hands against her face before dropping them and standing straighter. “Okay. Let’s get this over with.”

Aaron went inside first, and Eliana took Jordan’s hand in hers before following.

The table that Aaron went to had 6 people already sitting there. Jordan recognized Eliana’s parents from a few pictures she’d seen of them. She also saw two girls that looked younger than them, as well as another girl who looked almost exactly like Eliana but with natural blonde hair and a more simple (or boring) sense of clothing. Eliana’s younger sisters and her twin all looked at Eliana and Jordan with judgmental looks, and Eliana’s parents looked at them with a mix of disappointment, coldness, and disgust that they did a poor job of hiding behind tight smiles.

“Hello, mom. Hi, dad,” Eliana said while sitting. She looked at her sisters. “Hello,” she said to them. Only her youngest sister—Lucy, who was 14—gave a little wave back whilst her other sisters ignored her.

“Hello, Eliana,” her mother said. “You’re late, you know.”

“We agreed to meet at 1, mom. We got here at exactly 1.”

The woman shrugged and condescendingly said under her breath, “If you’re not early, you’re late. I’ve always told you that.”

The table was silent with tension. Jordan bit the inside of her cheek, feeling Eliana’s family casting looks at her. Eliana cleared her throat suddenly, saying, “I wanted you all to officially meet my girlfriend. This is Jordan.”

At the word ‘girlfriend’, Eliana’s twin curled her nose in disgust. She looked Jordan up and down, and then said to Eliana, “A dyke and a chink? Seriously?”

The words stunned Eliana and Jordan. Aaron glared at Eliana’s twin. “Miranda, what the hell?!”

Eliana’s parents glared at him. “Watch your mouth,” their dad said.

Looking exasperated, Aaron scoffed and gestured to Eliana and Jor and said, “Did you not hear what Miranda said to them?!”

“I was just saying what we were all thinking,” Miranda shrugged, rolling her eyes. To Jordan’s disbelief, Eliana’s mom nodded slightly in agreement.

A quick look at Eliana told Jordan that the girl was struggling to not cry. “I don’t know why I’m surprised you’re acting like this,” Eliana said. “We just got here. Can you all not act at least cordial for five minutes?”

Miranda scoffed. “You’re the one who came in here while flaunting your sexuality for everyone to see. Aren’t you ashamed?”

Jordan was still too stunned to speak.

“They weren’t flaunting anything,” Aaron defended. “And Eliana and Jordan don’t have anything to be ashamed about, Miranda, so shut up.”

“Don’t talk to your sister that way,” El’s mom scolded her son.

“And Miranda is right,” their dad added before looking at Eliana with disappointment. “I still hope you can see reason and save your soul when you grow tired of this ridiculous trendy mindset, Eliana.”

Eliana’s eyes filled with tears, “Why are you all like this?” she asked in a voice that broke Jordan’s heart.

Eliana’s other sister—Hailey, who is the one soon turning 16—suddenly said, “Why did you have to ruin my birthday trip by introducing your friend to us?” The insult in the word ‘friend’ was clear.

By now, other people in the restaurant were watching this happen. No servers were coming by, so they must’ve just been watching as well.

Eliana’s stomach was churning horribly, both from emotions and. . . something else. She felt dizzy and had sweat dripping down her neck. “You promised you wouldn’t be like this,” Eliana said sadly. “You all said that you’d try.”

Her mom scoffed. “I didn’t promise anything, so stop making things up. You came in here, holding hands with that. . . that. . . girl.” Her voice was dripping with disgust. “And you insist on calling her your ‘girlfriend’ because you think you have feelings for each other, and you embarrass us by saying it in public! And then you cause a scene because of it, and—”

“Mom, the only people causing a scene is all of you except Eliana and Jordan. And you knew that Eliana was going to introduce her girlfriend to you today. You’re acting like she just sprung this on you out of nowhere.”

Jordan was fighting to hold her cool. She was squeezing Eliana’s hand, and El was squeezing back.

Eliana’s dad sighed at her and Jordan. “We’ve held out hope that you’d get out of this ridiculous phase, Eliana. We let you back into our lives because you are our daughter, and we wanted to help you find the Lord. I’m not sorry that I don’t accept this. What you’re doing with your life right now. . . it disappoints me. You’re studying art instead of getting a real career, and you’re allowing yourself to fall into this liberal lustful mindset. And when you come back to us, crying because you didn’t listen to us and failed, I can’t promise we’ll let you back into our lives. And I can’t promise I’ll still see you as my daughter.”

Eliana looked down at the table, and Jordan felt her cool snap when Eliana began to sob.

“We’re leaving,” Jordan said in a low voice, standing while still holding Eliana’s hand. Tearfully and sniffing, Eliana stood as well, and so did Aaron.

Miranda snorted and said, “Wha’dya know, the homosexual chink speaks English.”

Pissed, Jordan whirled on Eliana’s twin and said, “If you’re gonna use a racial slur, at least get it right. I’m Japanese, you moronic bimbo, not Chinese.” Then she looked at Eliana’s family. “You all should be ashamed of yourselves. It makes me sick to know that there’s people like you whose love for their children is conditional. And by the way, your daughter’s art is a real career, and it’s what she loves. If being herself will make you drop her from your lives, then you really don’t deserve her at all. And if she ever does ever fall, she won’t have to go back to you because I’ll be here to help her back up.”

Eliana’s sisters and parents just gawped, silent as Jordan and Aaron led Eliana outside.

By now, Eliana was shaking, but not just with sobs. She felt weak and unsteady and. . . so cold.

“Gosh, I’m so sorry about that,” Aaron said to Jordan once they were outside.

Jordan sighed. “It wasn’t your fault. Eliana really wasn’t underestimating them.” Jordan then looked at Eliana, who was crying and still looking down. “Baby, it’s alright. Let’s go to my place, okay?” She looked at Aaron again. “It was nice to see you. Maybe while you’re still in town, we can see each other again.”

He smiled and nodded. “Yeah, definitely. And I don’t think I’m gonna be welcomed to Hailey’s stupid sweet 16 anyway, so I’m just gonna stay here in Tulsa instead of going to California.” He looked at Eliana. “Hey, El. You okay if I give you a hug?”

After a second, she shook her head. Aaron looked saddened, but understanding. “Okay, sis. I’ll see you later.”

They hadn’t even spent a full 10 minutes at the restaurant. Hungry, Jordan got some Taco Bell of their way back to her apartment, and she got a quesadilla in case Eliana decided to eat later since the girl said, “Not hungry,” and nothing else while hugging her stomach.

Jordan noticed how pale Eliana was by the time they arrived. It was a sickly pale, and Jordan couldn’t help but reach in to cup Eliana’s face. She frowned at the heat her girlfriend was giving off. “El, you’re sick,” she said. “Were you feeling bad before we left? Or is it from stress?” Stress fevers were a thing, right?

Eliana said nothing. In fact, she seemed so lost in her own head that Jordan wasn’t sure if the girl had even heard her.

Jordan grabbed the food and got out of the car, and then went around to Eliana’s side and opened the door. “El, baby, look at me,” she said, gently shaking the girl with her free hand.

Eliana looked at her with tearful and hazy eyes, the fever making her cheeks bright pink. “I’m so sorry,” she said, her bottom lip trembling a little. “I hate my family. They were so mean to you, and I’m sorry—”

Jordan shut her up by kissing her cheek, whispering, “It’s okay, sweetheart, it’s okay. Your family is awful, and you deserve better than them. I love you, okay? Now, let’s get inside. I’ll get you some meds, and you can sleep off this fev—”

Jordan was suddenly cut off when Eliana abruptly pushed her back and hung out of the car. Jordan was startled and confused for a second before Eliana puked onto the ground.

“Shit,” Jordan cursed, placing the bag of food on top of the car and reaching forward to steady her girlfriend.

Eliana whined, wrapping her arms around her stomach again. “Hurrrts,” she groaned, still sniffing.

Jordan had no idea what to do when Eliana puked a second time. And then a third. Eliana was becoming dangerously pale, and with every passing second, it seemed like it was becoming harder and harder to hold up her own head, and the only things keeping her from tipping out of the car were Jordan and her seatbelt.

Eliana was blinking a lot, struggling to focus on anything, and Jordan had a fear that she might pass out.

Eliana gagged dryly a few times, her back arching with heaves and coughing a few times, before Jordan said, “You’re empty, El. You’re empty.”

Exhausted and breathing through her mouth, Eliana leaned back against her seat.

Jordan was bent at a 90-degree angle as she tried to unbuckled Eliana’s seatbelt without stepping in the puddle of sick. It was another whole challenge to maneuver Eliana around the vomit, and Jordan had to walk while half-hugging Eliana since the girl couldn’t even stand on her own with how dizzy she was.

In the apartment, Jordan brought Eliana to her couch and laid her down there, propping a plush cushion under her head and covering her with a fuzzy blanket. Eliana still had tears in her eyes, and more sprung forth every time she thought about what her family had said to Jordan.

Anxiety began to eat away at her. No one would want to date a person with such a toxic family, right? They insulted Jordan openly as soon as they met her. Would Jordan break up with her because of this? No, she wouldn’t; Jordan wasn’t like that. Jordan loved her. But now her family would surely disown her. She’d always hoped that her parents would one day accept her. Now, there would be no chance of that at all.

Why do I have to be this way? Eliana thought to herself, a question she often asked when she was younger.

Why do they hate me?

Why did I have to be born like this?

Why did I have to be born at all?

“Hey, it’s okay, baby. You’re okay,” someone was saying softly. “Shhh, don’t cry. Shit, you’re really hot. . .”

Who spoke that softly to her again? Oh, yeah, Aaron did.

Lucy and Hailey couldn’t care less, and Miranda had gone out with friends. Her parents were in the living room, having some afternoon tea with their pastor, so Aaron was the only one taking care of her.

It seemed like everyone just stopped caring when Miranda found out about Eliana’s crush on Nellie Stewart. She had no more friends, and no more family. Only her brother still loved her.

Every memory was so vivid. All the times the family’s pastor had tried to exorcise demons out of her by hitting her with a bronze cross, how many times her parents had told her youngest sister to stay away from her until she was cured of her ‘mental illness’, all the days when Aaron had stood between her and her parents when she was bruised and bleeding and her parents had belts or wooden paddles or just their fists. . .

“. . . delirious and really sick. . . get here. . .”

Who was talking? Aaron’s voice wasn’t that feminine.

That reminded her of the one time when she’d been very sick as a teen. She had a fever and was in pain all over, and Aaron was practically begging their parents to take her to a hospital. She could hear them in the living room, saying, “She’s not that sick. Stop being dramatic,” and also saying, “Don’t be rude! Pastor Willson is here.”

Eventually, she heard the Pastor come into her room, and she felt his hand on her head as he mumbled a prayer. Her parents were arguing with Aaron, telling him that her fever was a punishment from God for being gay. Aaron called them crazy.

“El, baby, wake up! You’re scaring me!”

Aaron always got scared when she got sick. She used to get sick a lot as a kid. Deep in the back of her memories, she could recall the times before she came out when her parents actually seemed to care about her. She missed those days. They were so easy.

Memories flashed, going by quickly but feeling like they each lasted hours.

“. . . call an ambulance, Jor. . . hurry. . .”

Something cold and wet touched Eliana’s forehead. The shock of the coldness made her focus on the present.

Her vision was blurry, but the face she was looking at was familiar. Her girlfriend’s face, but a little more masculine. “Kei?” she rasped, her voice barely coming out. But she immediately regretted opening her mouth when her stomach squeezed and bile flooded her mouth. She coughed, choking on it before Keiko cursed and turned her onto her side, making a mess splatter on the floor.

Everything was spinning. Eliana felt like she was swaying and twirling, but she wasn’t moving at all. Her limbs felt like they were full of cement. Her stomach was burning as if it were full of lava. She was shivering as if she were freezing.

Everything seemed to fade and come back, over and over again. Sometimes, when the darkness faded, Eliana saw Jordan’s living room. Every other time, terror ran through her as she saw the familiar rooms of her old church, her old school, her old house—

“Mom? Dad?”

Eliana saw her parents sitting in the living room as she walked into the front door. The looks on their faces made anxiety sit in her stomach like a brick. “Is. . . Is something wrong?”

Suddenly, she noticed that her dad had a belt in his hand. “Miranda told us something. Is there anything you want to admit to?”

Shit, Eliana thought, her blood running cold. They know.

The memory changed then. Suddenly, she was on her knees on the floor, screaming and crying and begging for her dad to stop. She was now shirtless, only in a bra as her dad lashed at her back with the belt over and over, making skin break a little. Her mom was crying, muttering a prayer and begging God to remove the evil from her soul. The woman was sobbing, “Why does my daughter have to have this disgusting sin in her heart?! Why must she have allowed this demonic belief inside of her?!”

And all Eliana could think was five words:

I wish I were dead.

— — —

Eliana woke up with an IV poked in her arm.

Her throat hurt. Her head hurt. Her stomach hurt. Everything was hurting.

“Hey. You’re awake.”

Eliana startled slightly, looking over to her side and seeing Keiko sitting in a chair by her hospital bed. She realized then that she was in a dim hospital room.

She looked around, looking for—

“Jordan’s getting some coffee. She’s been chugging the stuff all night and day. Your brother, too.” Keiko smiled softly, his brows creased worriedly. “You okay?”

Eliana blinked at him for a second before giving him a single stiff nod. “My brother is here?” she rasped, her voice weak and scratchy.

Keiko nodded, rubbing a hand up and down her arm. “Jordan called him when we got you admitted into the hospital yesterday. You've been fading in and out of consciousness since last night. Aaron tried to get the rest of your family to come, but. . . um. . . something came up, I guess.”

Eliana appreciated Keiko lying to spare her feelings, but it was unnecessary. She knew that they just didn’t care and thought that her sickness was a punishment for being gay. “What’s wrong with me?” she asked.

“You’ve got a really nasty stomach flu. The stress didn’t help.” When Eliana gave him a confused look, he shrugged and added sympathetically, “Jordan told me about the restaurant incident. She didn’t want to, but I kinda needed some context when. . . when you. . . um. . .”

He went quiet, biting the inside of his cheek.

Eliana raised a brow. “When what?”

“When you started mumbling that you wanted to die.”

Eliana flinched, turning her head to see Jordan standing in the doorway. Her brother was beside her. Jordan looked like she’d been crying. “It started on the way here. At first, you were just crying, but then you started mumbling that you hated yourself and that you wanted to die. You were begging to not be hit. The doctors even considered having you admitted to the Psych Ward because of what you were saying.”

Aaron was quiet, looking at Eliana with glassy eyes. Then he said, “It was just the fever talking, right? You got those thoughts under control in High School and got better. Right?” He sounded like he was terrified for her.

Eliana smiled, for the sake of her friend, brother, and girlfriend. “I’m fine, really,” she said. “Mom and Dad just screwed with my head. I’m so sorry for scaring you guys.” She looked at all of them, one by one, before sitting up. “Hug?” she asked them all.

Jordan and Aaron both smiled a bit, stepping forward and both hugging her. Keiko joined the group hug as well, and Eliana melted in all of their arms. “I’m okay now,” she whispered, assuring them all. “I’m okay.”

[literaila]

verity we need to talk about "keeping secrets" because it quite literally broke me

going into it i was already scared because we all knew it was gonna be angsty angst but as soon as gojo brought up tsumiki's violin that reader did not know about i realised it was gonna be super angsty. after was a lot of suspension and building tension and that amde my heart hurt so much💔 gojo was being an idiot and i definitely got mad at him a little. i just want him and reader to grow up and get together is that so hard for them

the megumi-gojo dynamic always makes me laugh but that did not distract me from the oncoming angst that i did not know was going to be that angsty. i'm on the reader's side in the argument let my baby megumi be a kid please gojo. reader calling megumi their son makes me want to bawl my eyes out it's just like when megumi called her mom but it hurts more in this context😭 even though i'mon reader's side she did gojo a dirty with all those assumptions and telling him he's never going to be strong enough was a bit of a low blow but uh moving past that but when she tried to reach out for him and he turned on his infinity that made my heart shatter. i could literally hear it shatter in a gazillion bazillion pieces. ouch. the little tid bits about reader's childhood made those shattered pieces shatter more. i was already so sad but then the interaction with tsumiki and megumi made me want to cry so bad. reader thinking she shouldn't have let gojo in her heart and moved in and everything and the kiddos comforting her made me almost break. she's trying so hard to keep it together in front of her children it hurts </3

the last scene absolutely broke me and i cried so much as i read it. gojo comparing whatever is going on with him and reader to suguru leaving 💔him calling the three of them his home 😭his thoughts😭 reader crying 😭😭 (i broke at that part) satoru having been in love with reader since he was seventeen (i might be reaching here)😭😭 reader begging telling him to not leave, that she can't, won't, do it without him had me bawling my eyes out and her apologising😭😭😭 satoru better fix the rest of it (and also confess while he's at it) because if he doesn't i will learn hollow purple just for him (: {the evil smile is for him and not you}

in conclusion you're an amazing writer, i did really like the angst i would not mind if you wrote more, you made me cry and i in love with you and your amazing brain (also marry me please💍) 💛💛

glad the violin really clued you in. while i was writing it i was like “ugh this is not gojo who are you writing about rn?” um but that’s how he’s supposed to be so…

me and reader going through the same things (🤞)

it actually is so hard for them! very good.

the fun thing about that argument is that in any normal circumstance it would’ve gone something like:

“what did you do?”

“why did i have to do something? again with this—“

“megumi is ten.”

“did you see how happy he was though? like a little baby chick.”

“you ever do that again,” you say, smiling sweetly (evilly) “and i’ll shave off your hair in your sleep. including your eyebrows.”

“oo, scary,” satoru looks at you testily, grinning. “how’re you gonna touch me?”

“oh, i’ve got ways.”

and then he hides in tsumiki’s room for the night.

but! because they’re both stupid they had to fight. and they weren’t even really fighting about megumi. i mean, yeah satoru probably shouldn’t have taken him to exorcise a curse without telling reader, but he’s right that he needs to work to grow stronger. but he’s also wrong. and so is reader.

arguments are so fun. (i like how you blew past reader hurting satoru’s feelings. give the man a break)

i added the infinity thing last cause i forgot about that idea but then i remembered. brain is braining.

reader is constantly worried and satoru does nothing to help.

yeah i thought a little insight into satoru’s stupid mind might help. he’ll probably tell her something (probably) but it might just be like “oh, i’m sad.” and that’s that.

[insilanar]

Thanks for the tag @fueledbyremembering, appreciate it ✨

1. Are you named after anyone? Not that I know of.

2. When was the last time you cried? I can't remember specifically the last time I cried, but I cried when my little kitten died not too long ago... Oh and Carlos' and Isa's breakup also made me quite sad.

3. Do you have kids? No (or at least not yet). I think I'd like to.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Kind of. I used to use it a bit more when I was younger like around eleven/twelve years old, but I realised then when people didn't understand it or found it annoying. So yeah don't use it as often anymore, but occasionaly. 😉

5. What sports do you play/have played? I did a sport called "Leichtathletik" (that's the german word for it, idk the english one 😅) for three years and I go biking from time to time or play tennis.

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people? Their eyes and sometimes their feelings.

7. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings all the way!

8. Any Special talents? None... No seriously, I can't think of any...

9. Where were you born? In Switzerland 🇨🇭 and I love my home country! ✨

10. What are your hobbies? I'm a real bookworm, so reading of course! I also enjoy writing letters, shopping, hanging out with friends, singing and relaxing. And F1 obviously.

11. Do you have any pets? Yes, two guinea pigs. Their names are Teddy and Lea, they're really sweet. And I had a kitten for a year until it died as mentioned before... 💔

12. How tall are you? 1.61 m, my siblings like to bully me bc of it. (Just joking, I love my siblings.)

13. Fave subjects in school? Sports and Art.

14. Dream Job? Being a librarian. Have I mentioned I adore books? So yeah, that. Maybe I'll think about doing a special school for future journalists at some point.

15. Eye colour? Brown with a hint of green and orange.

Tagging @ilikecarsandlike4people @lord-leclerc @interlagosed @cornerofacry @palalabu @ehcahache @artemispt @underatedwords @countingstars-17 @library-bug11 for the game if you feel up for it. ✨

(Sorry if you've been tagged before, I think the tag game has been going on for a while already...)

[pebblysand]

15 & 22 for the author asks 😊

thank you 😍!

15. a hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. which fic would you want it to be?

why is this a much more difficult question than i initially thought? 😂. i think i would have to say maybe the fault in faulty manufacturing because i think generally, there aren't enough contemporary stories about ireland out there. most of the films/series made about ireland are always set during the easter rising/civil war/the troubles in NI and i think, whilst these periods of history are obviously very interesting, i would like to see a story about this country that wasn't about that, you know? and whilst the fault is definitely influenced by and aware of these episodes of irish history (and obviously, the beginning is set in NI during the troubles), i like that it's not really what this story is about.

22. have you cried while writing a fic?

okay so as a caveat, i will say that i'm not someone who cries a lot, like, generally (unless a dog dies in a movie). i don't think it's any sign of superiority or whatever (you can cry a lot and be absolutely badass - look at hermione!) but it's just not how i process my emotions.

so having said that, i don't think i've ever, like, sobbed while writing a fic. i did tear up quite a bit when i wrote chapter 6 of castles, and re-reading it always makes me wanna cry (giulia 😢💔). chapter 8 is also obviously heavy, but it doesn't make me wanna cry per se.

i think the one time i did sob was the day i finished my first long fic, children. but it wasn't about the contents themselves, it was more the emotions of having finished such a long project that took two years to achieve. they were happy tears.

[fireopal-tash]

Welp, let's try this! 📱

Thank you for the tag, @jinxytsl

1. Are you named after anyone?

I don't think so? I'm adopted and my adopted mum never changed my name. Plus, it is quite common where I was born, I think. I never met my biological mother so I couldn't ask her either

2. When was the last time you cried?

Just hours ago xD I was reading a really good Fanfic and it just... :'3/ 💔

3. Do you have kids?

Nope. And I don't think I'm that interested nor I am capable of taking care of one. But I'm okay with being the fun cousin haha

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I believe so! I love sarcasm when used at the right time and the right way

5. What sports have you played?

Tennis and Basketball, mainly. And when I was way younger, swimming. Those are the only ones I was actually interested in xD

6. First thing you notice about other people?

I think it's their smell 🤔 Since I have very sensitive senses, I quickly notice the smell before they even get in front of me. I can't control it ^w^'

7. Eye color?

Brownish? Not dark nor light. My mum says there's a bit of green somewhere, too

8. Scary movies, or happy endings?

Both! It depends a lot on the stories tbh

9. Special talents?

I'm not sure... I mean, I learned pretty quickly to speak two languages before I was adopted without going to school nor being home schooled while in the orphanage (I was six when I was adopted)

I guess that counts? Then I learn three more, of course xD

10. Birthplace?

Kazakhstan! As I said previously, I'm adopted. I'm not actually Kazakh tho, I look completely different from them. I live somewhere else now ;3

11. Hobbies?

I love drawing more than anything else! Like, really love it! It helps me when I'm stressed or upset. ✏️

I also enjoy reading and writing. More the former than the latter (?) Listening to music is also quite relaxing~

12. Pets?

I have currently two. Uzzy, a Shiba Inu. And Uri, a White Terrier. They are both lovely but also big troublemakers! 🐶

13. Height?

1.58 m. Not sure how much that is in America tho xD

14. Favourite subject in school?

Anything to do with languages and literature 📖

15. Dream job?

No idea! I'm still figuring things out

Extra: 3 things you wish you could do.

Memorising. I have a very poor memory, specially short term memory (Doctors proved that while trying to find out other things about me)

Have more inner strength. Like, if for example I wanted to do something, to do it without so much anxiety and negativity stopping me. Unfortunately, no matter how much I fight against it, the negative experiences in my life left me pretty distrustful of the world ^w^'

Reading body language. I have a really hard time with that. I even studied it as a project in my school. Unfortunately, theory is not the same as practice.

Time to tag some people, I guess!

@ryan-spinel @insomniac-arrest @landing-amongst-the-planets @eiyuu @bowuigilover @spinel-and-the-diamonds

Idk, I can't ever remember the names. Sorry everyone ;w;

15 questions for 15 mutuals

tagged by @darthdutton, thank you so much for the fun tag game and sorry I took so long to get to it! I’ve been on a much needed social media fast 🙏🏼.

are you named after anyone? No, I don’t think so. I think my dad just didn’t like my almost-name and liked the idea of me being “victorious”. Turns out the only way I’ve lived up to my name is by owning a bunch of dolls, wanting to be treated like a Queen and wanting to meet my Albert.

when was the last time you cried? um. In the shower about a week ago? I had to euthanize my 15 year old dog and I was suddenly struck by the grief of her loss since she’s been in my life for so long. 

do you have kids? I have three kittens.

do you use sarcasm a lot? only all the time.

what sports do you play/have you played?  Anything in physical education class at school. I always sucked at sports and was the last one to get picked when making teams. It was so embarrassing lol. I’m a good skier tho!

what’s the first thing you notice about other people? idk, great question! I’ll pay more attention.

eye color? Dark brown.

scary movies or happy endings? Scary movies! Nothing against happy endings but… they gotta be realistic for me to like them.

any special talents? Overthinking.

where were you born? Wouldn’t you like to know?!!!!!! Even though I was raised in Mexico, I was born in the United States. I am privileged with a USAmerican passport.

what are your hobbies? watching anime, reading, writing, listening to music, dancing,trying out new restaurants/cafes, going on trips ( hate to copy ,but damn we do have the same taste x2)

do you have any pets? More like too many pets. I just euthanized my Min Pin, so now I only have 4 cats and a Border Collie. But I’ll be giving up 2 of the kittens up for adoption and most likely releasing Momo (the mom) once I spay her. 

how tall are you? Wouldn’t you like to know?!!!!! Average height in the US, tall in Mexico.

fave subject in school? Psychology, Math, Cultural Anthropology, Linguistics

dream job? idk because I’ve had amazing jobs where I felt so lucky to get paid to do work that I do but I’ve evolved… it used to be Marketing but I would like to get paid to use my Psychology nerdery next.

No pressure tags @justafrenchlondoner @sixth-vip @noa-ciharu @yamat0 @momoyamaguchi @linkspooky @incensuous @queen-asiad @ashleyfonthescreamofcreation

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

🏅Being Team Japan's Manager 🏅

💔Relationship Troubles with Bokuto 💗

Bokuto Kōtarō featuring Team Japan x Female Manager

Warnings: Swearing, Bokuto being a complete jerk, petname, angst to fluff, suggestive at the end 🙃

AN: Its a very Bokuto centered day 🥰This is an Anon request! I may have gotten a tiny bit carried away with this one. I also cried alot 🥲 I'm emotional when it comes to our boys 🥺 I'm really proud of this one ❤

🌠 Please Like, Reblog and/or Share to help support my writing 🌠

Oof this one is going to make me cry 😢

I already know it

And the fact that it's with our resident himbo 🥺

But it must be done and who else to deliver but yours truly 🤗

Your relationship with Bokuto has been going on for about 6 months now

You started out of friends when you joined Team Japan as their resident hotty 🔥 and manager 💅🏼

Honestly, Team Japan adores you YN

You lucky bitch 😒

But there was always something special about Bokuto

Pls he's such a bubbly Boi I just can't even 😫

Bokuto took an instant liking to you and you to him

Did he annoy you? Absolutely 💯

Did you find him attractive as all hell? Abso-FREAKING-lutely 🙌🏻

Bokuto is like what? 6'3" timeskip 👀

Lawd girl of you don't I will

N E WAYS, you two grew extremely close

Daily practices and nightly walks home

Consistent "HEY HEY HEY YN WATCH THIS!"

Giant Bear hugs and headpats

You would grab coffee or ever dinner sometimes

Of course, the other three idiots guys would accompany you occasionally as well

When Bokuto finally asked you out, it was very Bokuto-style

Super spontaneous and loud

Lile he literally walked you to your apartment door, was about to leave, turned around and shouted

"YN WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?"- Bokuto, zero chill

"Ko- we just went out..."- You, extremely confused

"No I mean, like a date"- Bokuto 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

YN of you take longer than a single second to answer this imma come there and smack you 🤚🏻

Someone summon Iwaizumi for me- 🏐

"Of course I will Kotaro"- You 🥺🤗

Good girl Yn ☺️

Please Bokuto is so excited he will pick you up and spin you around 🥰

God I love that for you 😐

Me, a jealous bish

Thus begins the ship know as BokuYN

The next few months go by quickly

Your relationship is tugging along and everything is going well

Unfortunately, the storm clouds are moving in YN 😔⛈️

And all good things can't last

It starts out small, everyone is so stressed with the Olympics coming up

Bokuto especially

Imagine all the pressure to be perfect and score points 😪 that has got to be so rough

Bokuto starts staying late for practice and heading home with you less frequently

You start eating dinner alone and he starts coming home later and later ☹️

One morning, you wake up and Bokuto isn't next to you

You try calling him but nothing

You show up to the gym and find him there with Kageyama, Atsumu and Hinata

You are confused as to what is going on 🤨

Like rightfully so

I mean what did they just sleep on the bleachers the night before?

I wouldn't put it past them honestly 😒

You approach them and ask what's going on

Atsumu is setting for Bokuto and he narrowly misses a line shot

"God dammit! Send up another one"- Bokuto, furious and sweating 😓

"Hey guys- have you been practicing all night?"- you, curious

"Nah we quit at 9 last night"- Kageyama getting a drink of water

Ok now your really confused 🤚🏻

You look at Bokuto who is setting up for another spike

"Ko you didn't come home last night"- you

He ignores you, spiking the ball

Ok then- 😐

Let's try this again shall we 🙃

"Kotaro did you hear me?"- you, now standing with your hands on your hips

Ope- someone's in trouble 😶

Atsumu, Hinata and Kags are now looking from you to Bokuto 👀

"I stayed with Hinata last night"- Bokuto, walking away from you, going to his phone and scrolling

Clearly his phone is working 😑

That's suspicious 🤨 that's weird

"And why would you do that?"- you, obviously upset

"Because I felt like it"- Bokuto

Not to be toxic here but that's not an answer dude 😒

"Ok but why- I texted you and you never got back to me. And it's clear your phone is fine since your looking at it right now"- YN, hands now in the air, just ready to go

"Maybe I just needed some fucking space YN"- Bokuto

Please now Aran, Yaku, Komori, Sakusa, Habuka,Ushijima,Hyakuzawa, amd Iwaizumi are all on the gym 🤚🏻

Silently observing 👀

"Are you serious right now? What did I do Ko?"- you, walking towards him

"YN I just need some fucking space! You're around me constantly and I can't fucking concentrate on these damn Olympics with you breathing down my neck all the time! Like all you ever do is talk talk talk and I'm so fucking sick of it! Just fucking leave me alone! If you did anything for this team besides stand around, maybe you'd understand my stress! But you always have to come first YN and Im fucking DONE!"- Bokuto, finally snapping

Oh he's pissed

Like fuming at you 😡😤

It's honestly so embarrassing he would say such things in front of everyone

You face heats and your fists tighten-

You don't even know what to do, so-

You just look up at him, tears filling your eyes

Ok everyone just breath ok

I mean, I'm crying 🥺

You know that feeling when your stomach just drops and you feel almost sick

That's what's happening now

The tears are welling up and it's about to happen

There is no stopping that crying YN and you shouldn't!

Bokuto essentially took your heart, threw it on the ground and stomped all over it

Nah he rolled over it with a steam roller and fed it through a wood chipper 😬

He broke you 😔

No matter how you try, a brave face isn't coming

So you do what you must

"Fine Bokuto. You don't want me bothering you anymore. Than consider me gone"- You, turning to walk out of the gym, tears flowing, past the other members of the team

Everyone is stunned 😲 and honestly same

Nobody expected this of Bokuto, like he's literally the last one I'd expect to do this

But the pressure was mounting and unfortunately YN, you were the catalyst

The gym is silent as Bokuto sets his water down, turning to face Atsumu

"Toss another one"- Bokuto, getting into place

Please these guys are PISSED and so confused 😕

"What the fuck was that-" Atsumu, the first to speak

As much as I bully this man, istg he's loyal as fuck

And while he loves Bokuto like a brother, he also loves you

"Bokuto that was so harsh man"- Habuka

"It needed to be said. She's been so clingy and needy. The Olympics are coming up and I need to practice"- Bokuto, starting to realize that he's the total ass in this situation but still holding face

He's a man 🙄😒

"You're an dumbass Bokuto"- Iwaizumi, turning to go and find you

"Bokuto sit down. You're done for today"- Aran

"The fuck I am-"

"The fuck you are because I said so"- Aran

Please Aran can be so fucking scary 😨

Bokuto will get right in his face

"Hey cool it you two!"- Hyakuzawa

"Bokuto- chill man"- Kageyama pulling him back

Hoshiumi finally comes in the gym

"Hey what's wrong with YN. I saw her leaving and she was crying"- Hoshiumi

It's all starting to sink in now-

"FUCK-" Bokuto, throwing his waterbottle against the wall and storming out

Everyone is just exhausted and it's showing

"Should we go after him?"- Hyakuzawa, the mediator of the group

"I think we should call Akaashi- this is over our heads"- Aran, leaving to get his phone and make the call

Meanwhile, you are now sitting on a bench, full on ugly crying

Snot down the face, tears everywhere, can't catch your breath BAWLING

🤚🏻 say less YN your heartbroken and its ok to cry 💔

Please I'm crying writing this and it's fiction 😭

"Hey YN- are you ok?"- Iwaizumi, coming to sit next to you

"No- no Hajime I'm not ok"- you, sucking in breath and trying to calm down

Spoiler alert: it's not working

"I think I need to go home Haji"- you

"You do that YN. And hey, it will be ok... I promise. I'll talk to him"- Iwaizumi

"Hajime, you heard him. He doesn't want me so give me one good reason why I should stay?"- you, hugging yourself and crying

"YN he's under a lot of stress. He shouldn't have said those things. You know he cares about you"- Iwaizumi, trying to save this

"YN please just listen-" I was our freaking savior

"Hajime, if he cared he wouldn't have said those things. If he cared, he would have avoided my texts and calls. He embarrassed me in there. You don't do that to someone you care about"- you, making an excellent point

"I'll see you later Haji. Thanks for being here"

You try and force a smile as tears stream down your face

Upon arriving at your apartment, you do nothing but mope

You say nothing more as you turn and walk away

You cry the entire way home, trying to hide your face from those around you

Honestly YN as you should 💅🏼

I'm like so mad at Bokuto right now you have no idea 🤬 you crawl into bed, covering yourself up and cry like there's no tomorrow

Back at the gym, Bokuto is sitting in the locker room with a towel hanging over his head

That bitchy voice inside your head telling you that everything was a lie and you were never good enough for Bokuto

You eventually manage to cry yourself to sleep 😔

He knows he fucked up... like MAJORLY fucked up

The stress of the Olympics had been weighing on our poor owl bby and the fact that he just can't hit his line shots

Iwaizumi comes in and sits next to him

"I fucked up bad"- Bokuto

"Yeah you fucking did asshole"- Iwaizumi not even beating around the bush

"Shit"- Bokuto, throwing his towel against the locker

"You need to chill out Bokuto. Your stress isn't helping anything right now. You said some pretty mean stuff to YN and she's really hurt"- Iwaizumi

"Did she leave?"- Bokuto

"Yeah- she went home"- Iwaizumi

"Fuck I have to talk to her-" Bokuto standing, fists clenched

"Hold up there cowboy. Give her some space man. You broke her heart dude. It's not going to be an easy fix. Wait a day, let it rest"- Iwaizumi

As much as he hated to do it, Bokuto let it rest

He went to his apartment, one he spent very little time in nowadays and tried to relax 😔

The next day, he arrived early to try and catch you

Only, you weren't there 😞

"Where's YN?"- Bokuto to Hoshiumi

"She didn't come in today. She called and told Aran she's taking personal time"

"God dammit!"- Bokuto, just about to punch the wall

Thankfully Sakusa is there to stop him

"Bo a broken hand isn't going to help man. You need to chill"- Sakusa

"Come on man, let's practice and then we can talk"- Hinata

"How can I practice without YN? Knowing I fucked up the best thing I ever had"- Bokuto, now a deflated Owl

"Well it's good to finally see you admit how much you care for YN"- Akaashi, with Kuroo at his side

"What are you doing here?"- Bokuto, genuinely confused 🤨

"Aran called me and well Kuroo heard through the grapevine"- Akaashi

Please Kuroo knows all the gossip

These boys talk more than old ladies in church

"Dude what is wrong with you? This isn't like you"- Kuroo

"I've been so stressed and I can't hit my line shots. I've been practicing day and night and nothing feels right"- Bokuto, now hunched over on the bleachers, surrounded by the peanut gallery

"Have you thought thay maybe your practicing too much Bo?"- Kageyama

Seriously he's one to talk 🙄

"I mean, what has YN said about you staying late for practice?"- Akaashi

"I haven't been around much- I've just been so stressed. And I just dont know"- Bokuto

"Well Bokuto, you have to decide what you want to do. If you want to break up with YN, I think you owe her an explanation. She at least deserves that. But if you want to make up with her-" Akaashi

"I DO! I really do! I thought alot last night and YN's been the one consistent good thing in my life. I- I think I love her"- Bokuto

Pls bby you were a jerk but you are breaking my heart 💔😫

"Well then you need to talk to her"- Kuroo

Bokuto knew this and he was so ready

Unfortunately you weren't 🙁

A knock sounded as you drag yourself to the door

The peep hole reveals Bokuto, standing there, hair deflated

You open the door and cross your arms

That's right YN! We are a powerful women and we will show it ✊🏻

"Hey YN, can we talk?"- Bokuto

"That's what we are doing-"

"YN please I'm so sorry- I was a complete asshole and jerk! I know I royally fucked up and god, YN I'm so sorry"- Bokuto

Tears are forming in this man's eyes

But also in yours 😟

"Bokuto-" you

"Ko, you call me Ko"- Bokuto

"Listen, I need time. What you said really hurt me and I'm not ready talk to you let alone see you. I just don't know if I can do this-" please the tears are rolling down your face but you're voice remains strong

"YN- please, just please"- Bokuto, full on crying

"Good night Bokuto"- You, shutting the door and breaking down

Please Bokuto hears you and it KILLS him 😭

He did that to you and he hates himself

The next few days drag

You return to your manager job but you try and steer clear of Bokuto

Unfortunately the team doesn't get that memo 😒

Please they are trying everything possible to get you to back together

You are miserable, Bokuto is EXTRA miserable

"YN can you wrap Bokuto's fingers? I have to do Komori's and Yaku's"- Iwaizumi

"I can do it Iwa" - Kageyama

Please that went right over his head

Iwaizumi is just staring at him like 👁➖️👁

You don't even say anything, just grab the tape and walk to Bokuto

The man towers over you so he is looking down at you while you wrap his fingers

"How are you?"- Bokuto, genuinely concerned

"Fine"- you, trying to just hold it together long enough to wrap those long fingers 👀

"You've lost some weight-" Bokuto

"Yeah I haven't been hungry"- You, unfortunately your voice cracks and you have to bite your lip to keep it from quivering

"YN, baby-" Bokuto, lifting your face up by your chin and looking into your watering eyes

He hates seeing you like this and knowing he caused it 🤧

"Done"- you, looking up and smiling a little, tears filling your eyes before you turn and walk out of the gym

Bokuto watches you go

And so do the others 👀

Nosey bitches 🙄💅🏼

Also side note: screw Iwa for throwing you under the bus like that 🖕🏻 imma Iwa cannon a volleyball at Iwa 😤

It's safe to say practice has been a little... well tense to say the least

Bokuto is getting blocked, missing cross court shots and liners left and right

It hurts you even more to see the man you love hurting

Wait 🤚🏻 love?

Oh hell yeah you love him YN

Just admit it 🙃

But no matter how much you love him, it doesn't take away how he treated you the past few weeks

And how much his words that day hurt

You're at a crossroads Yn and it's not an easy choice

Luckily for you, you have supportive friends

Wait, did I say supportive? I mean Atsumu and Hinata 🤣

But also Aran, Ushijima and Iwaizumi

Ok ok ill stop 😅

They stop by your place unexpectedly with food

"You need to eat"- Atsumu, pushing past you

"Don't think we haven't noticed YN"- Iwaizumi, coming in behind Atsumu

"Wow it's nice to see you too"- you 😐

"Hi YN, how are you doing?"- Aran, giving you a big hug

Please he gives amazing hugs 🥺

"Could be better"- you, now hugging Ushijima and Hinata

"YN how long are you going to do this?"- Atsumu

Aran and Iwaizumi 👉🏻🤦‍♂️🤦

"I hate to admit it YN but Atsumu is right. It's obvious you two love each other"- Ushijima

"Yeah"- you, sinking into the couch

"YN we know what he said hurt and we aren't telling you to just forget about it"- Aran

"But Bokuto is miserable YN. He's not eating, he's spending all his days at the gym and I know he's not sleeping"- Iwaizumi

"YN we know you're just as miserable so why don't you stop this"- Ushijima

"Just talk to him YN"- Hinata

Maybe, just maybe they have a point

You sigh and resign yourself to the fact that as much as Bokuto's words hurt you

You know that the stress of the Olympics and his hard training have worn on him

The next morning, you arrive at 6 am to start work

You hear the sound of balls being spiked against the floor of the gym

You know that sound, the exact sound of a Bokuto serve

You approach the door and peer in, seeing Bokuto tossing up another serve

The ball slams over, hitting right on the end line

"That was a nice shot"- you, walking into the gym

Bokuto stops and looks straight at you, mouth agape

You're talking to him- like actually conversing with him

And you PRAISED HIM 😭😭😭

"Thanks, what are you doing here?"- Bokuto

You giggle a little

Bokuto's heart swells

"Did you forget I come in early to set up?"- you

"Haha yeah I guess- I've just been doing it since- well-" - Bokuto rubbing the back of his neck

"Want me to set for you?"- You, taking a chance

Bokuto's head shots up 😳

"Really?" Please YN he's so happy he's smiling 🙂

"Yeah"- you taking position as Bokuto tosses to you and you set

Perfect cross court shot 😚🤌🏻

"Nice kill Ko!!"- you smiling and looking back at him

Please he's melting YN 😭

"First one I've gotten in all week"- Bokuto, his head down, rubbing his arms

What 😳

"Ko..."

"I'm miserable YN. I'm so fucking miserable. I can't sleep, I can't eat. Every single practice, I miss tosses, get blocked or the ball is out. I- I can't do this"- Bokuto, looking at you as tears roll down his face

"Ko come here"- you, reaching out for him as he comes to your arms for a hug 🫂

Please that man will hug you and never want to let you go

You pull back as he rests his forehead against yours

🥺 please I'm such a sap God WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

"YN I know I don't deserve you but I need you to know that you are the best thing to ever happen to me. I know I fucked up and God I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry baby. I love you so much and I can't do this without you"- Bokuto, tears flowing

"I love you too Ko"- You, smiling with tears in your eyes

"You- you do?"- Bokuto, now smiling like a freaking idiot 😃

"Yeah I really do"- You

Please 🤚🏻 say less

This man is picking you up and swinging you in the air

"Ko, Jesus Ko calm down"- you, laughing and smiling

"I can't! The most amazing, beautiful women in the world loves me"- Bokuto, finally setting you down

"Yeah I do my ace"- You

Please his lips are on yours before you can finish that sentence 🤚🏻 💋

"Jesus christ get a room will ya"- Atsumu, walking in as you and Bokuto turn around to see the entire team watching you 😳

"Oh my god that was so sweet 🥺"- Yaku about to cry

"Well I'm finally glad to see you guys have worked it out"- Iwaizumi

"Jesus YN way to bring it down to the wire, the Olympics is a month way"- Kageyama, ever the inspiration 🙄

"Aran are you crying?"- Hinata

"No- I just got some dust in my eyes from these volleyballs"- Aran, wiping his eyes and walking away

Sure 😏 "dust from the volleyballs"

"Ok enough of this, let's get to practice"- Aran

"Ummm actually- I uh, I need YN to help me with something"- Bokuto being suspicious 🤔 and dragging you to the door

"Ko, can't it wait until after practice!"- you, being dragged

"Absolutely not"- Bokuto

Please he's on a mission 😏

Iwaizumi just rolls his eyes 🙄

"Jesus christ just be safe ok? We don't need any little Bokuto babies running around"- Iwaizumi

"I make no promises"- Bokuto, pulling you out as you laugh and wave to the team

"Jesus that's got to be some record Emo mode"- Komori

"It lasted 8 days and Bokuto missed 436 spikes"- Atsumu, nonchalantly rattling of statistics

Komori, Yaku and Aran 👉🏻👁👄👁

"You kept track of that?"- Hakuba, honestly impressed

"I'm the setter, it's my job to make sure the players are ok"- Atsumu, shrugging

"Hey now- you aren't the official setter just yet 😑"- Kageyama

"It's only a matter of time"- Atsumu 😏

"😐 the fuck it is- " Kageyama following Atsumu and yelling

"God I wish YN was here"- Aran

"She's probably getting her back blown out as we speak"- Habuka

"Jesus christ 🤦‍♂️ alright get to work"- Iwaizumi, smiling

Side note: you were in fact, getting your back completely blown to pieces 😏