#also i can't believe i have to say this AGAIN

[l4tchk3y]

All alone.🔥

[cerise-angel]

moody

soft!rafe cameron x fem reader

i guess im kinda obsessed with him now :(

smut. lame plot, probably too ooc!rafe and established relationship!

"rafe can you please turn the volume down?" you ask in a grumpy tone, it's the third time you ask. he finally appears in the small kitchen of the chalet, sporting a cute christmas sweater and what seems hot chocolate on his hands. before you can even scowl at him, his hands smooth their way to your waist, hugging your tightly against his chest. "hey baby." he presses a kiss to your temple. "want some?" he brings the mug closer to your face. you shake your head no, and he chuckles lightly. "so moody today." you scoff and roll your eyes. "i'm not moody. the TV is giving me headache and this fucking focaccia dough is not right" you say completely exasperated. rafe cant help but smile at you, thinking your fight with the dough quite cute. it's the first time you both spend time in the pretty vacation chalet he bought recently. it's snowing too, something that doesn't occur much in the obx, and you were very excited about it. you seemed very excited about everything on this vacation, and rafe knows too much excitement sometimes ends up making you anxious. he's pretty sure you need to relax and enjoy the tv and spiked hot chocolate with him, but he also knows how much you want to try this recipe (you've been babbling about it and showing him the tiktok for almost a week now) and being the perfectionist you are, it needs to work out in your first try. he sighs a little, hands coming to envelop yours "you can try again if it doesn't work out. let the dough rest baby, and come rest with me a little." you let out a small whine but stop fidgeting and rest your body against his. "okay." he smiles against your hair, dropping a kiss to your temple. "pretty girl." you almost melt because of the fondness in his tone and his touch. rafe waits for you to wash your hands and offers you the snowflake themed dish cloth.

rafe's hands come back to your waist, leading towards the big bedroom. he's smirking, about to say some indecency, you're sure, but you prevent it by turning in his embrace and pecking his lips. he smiles lovingly and you both lay on the bed, cuddling. rafe wraps his arm on your waist pulling you closer to him. "no." you mutter without actual intention, a soft teasing smile behind your words. "no?" he's already engulfing your face with small kisses, his big hands holding your pretty face on place. "so stressed, yeah baby?" you have a little pout on your mouth that he kisses right away. you pull him in, tasting cinnamon in his teeth and wrapping your arms on his torso. you feel rafe smiling while kissing you deeper, adjusting his body so he can slot himself between your thighs. he pulls away slightly, giving a firm squeeze on your upper thigh. "yes." you mutter on his chest and he smiles, gently squeezing your cheeks in one hand. he kisses you again, slow and needy and your body melts against his. he pulls the heavy lilac duvet on top of your bodies, pressing himself against you fully. you sigh while kissing him, feeling too warm all over. rafe likes to have you under him, it's probably his favorite thing in the world. smoothly as always, his hand creep up against your boobs and he smiles wickedly. "where the fuck is your bra huh?" you whine because he is pawning your chest and lifting your blouse to kiss your perky nipple. "shut up." but he doesn't stop. "what your family would think about this? can't believe you've been dangling yourself half naked in front of me all day long" his voice is muffed since he's face is under your blouse and you laugh. he emerges from under your blouse and under the duvet to give you the cheekiest smile before disappearing to kiss your exposed flesh again. you can't stop yourself from rolling your hips against him and he hums in appreciation.

rafe knows you're almost desperate, so he pulls your yoga pants down while you fumble with his belt. the pout on your lips comes back because you couldn't get it out in a second, making him chuckle. he guides your hands to remove his belt and push his trousers down. you're eager to have him, clinging to his body like a vice, legs and arms wrapping against his torso. "thought you had no panties too." he murmurs on your lips, and you roll your eyes. rafe cups your pussy, letting out a small whine at how warm you feel. you whine too, rocking your hips against his palm. "slow down princess." you're about to complain, but he pulls your panties to the side, then circles your clit, one, two, three times before sliding his finger in. the moan he lets out is pornographic. "fuck if i knew you'd be this wet would've fucked you sooner" he adds a new finger and you cry out "this why you've been moody all day yeah? been needy all day fuck" you can only nod and whine and he can't help but moan while smiling a little mean, completely dazed by lust and how pretty you look under him. your hands reach down to his boxers, trying to get it out in a hurry. he decides to help you, lifting his hips up and then pulling your panties down too. rafe barely lets you register before he is fully slotted inside you, your moans and his gasps covering each other. he kisses you while fucking you, connected minds and bodies and lips.

his mouth descends on a journey of kissing and sucking on your neck and you grab his back with so much strength you think you might leave marks as he does to you. the thought makes you even wetter. rafe comes back to your mouth, pressing his lips sloppily against you. he's panting and not talking and you know he's about to cum. when you start to kiss below his ear, the spot that always makes him see stars, he whines. "no, want you first." you pull back to look at him with a puzzled expression, the best you can manage since your body is too focused on the in and out of his cock. he sighs, slows down a bit, with punctual deep thrusts that make your whole body convulse. his hand snakes its way to your chest, fondling one of your boobs nicely, and then pulling one of your legs to rest on his shoulder. the new angle, the added stimulation and the slow but hard thrusts are enough to have you mewling against him.

you mutter his name over and over and he smirks, heading down to take one of your nipples on his mouth. he nips the flesh of you boob and gets back to sucking and you cum all over him without any warning. he feels your body spasming under him, your cunt clenching and he slows down, bringing his lips to yours. "fucking perfect." you have a dazed smile on your face and you nod at him, hands pulling him even closer. you kiss and lick his neck and he starts to pump faster inside you again, chasing him own release. you enjoy it anyway kissing and moaning and rocking your hips to his. you blow air below his ear and he shudders. "keep teasing like that and you'll see" you giggle and keep your mouth on the spot leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses. "fucking hell i can't-" he's whining now and you know he's close. with a few more sloppy rolls of hips he comes undone, pulling out to paint your lower abdomen with his cum. he colapses on top of you. when you both regain your breath he rests his head on your chest, your hands cradling his face.

"all relaxed now baby?" you nod. "just sticky. clean me up." rafe rolls his eyes, biting the flesh under your boob lovingly. "you´re never satisfied, are you? jesus, so spoiled" you giggle and nod, knowing full well it's his fault that you're like this. "say you love me first." you roll your eyes now. he bites you again. "c'mon. i'm waiting." you lock eyes with him, pulling his face closer to yours again. "love you rafe." you peck his lips while he smiles.

[meanbossart]

hi rj! i’ve been following you for a couple of months now and i’m actually obsessed with your art and du drow 😭 i saw your recent post/reply to an ask about your favorite art from last year and for the comic, you put old habits. naturally i had to read it again and couldn’t help but wonder (and sorry if you’ve replied to this before), but what does du drow’s voice sound like?

you have such a knack for writing natural-sounding dialogue and as a writer i am SO envious hahah, and whenever you add dialogue to your art pieces i imagine drow speaking with a low timbre or baritone voice?? do you perhaps have a voice actor’s voice in mind for drow? and god i know hope this man has some sort of accent or “curve” to the end of his words (i say this as someone who speaks 3 languages and sounds different in every single one)!!

Hello! Oh, I apologize for what may be a very boring answer, but DU drow's voice is simply intended to read as the Dark Urge's voice (number 5, I believe) that the game defaults to when you pick that origin.

That's the voice I had to listen to it throughout the entirety of the game, all hundred-something hours, every time I clicked on the guy, had him attack, crouch, or start a dialogue. Neil Roberts' cadence and accent has been seared into my brain and I can't hear it as anything else. The "flair" of DU drow's sentences and vocabulary is also modeled entirely after what the game's acting provides for a dark urge character. I guess the ONLY note I could make is that he's about 10% less intense during normal conversation.

(voice 5 starts at 7:07)

So, deep voice, very gravelly, and a pronounced - and surprisingly a little posh - english accent. He performs a sort of rugged elderness, (he's always made sure to sound older than he actually is) enunciates carefully, and speaks slowly. He's far more casual around people he's close to (unless he's trying to woo them, of course) and knows to talk simpler and softer with children - in general, he has very good control over his words and delivery, though he gets swept in emotion half the time after being tadpoled.

[mk-wizard]

Dialogue in my head that was too good to keep to myself...

Starscream: That's it! I don't care about the fact that you saved my father anymore! I am NOT one of your recruits, students or underlings! You will cease and desist ordering me around or so help you, I'll- Heatwave: You'll WHAT?! The amnesty status of Decepticons on Earth is fragile enough as it is since the tension between Optimus and Rodimus! And might I remind you that unlike Cyclonus, you DO have a criminal record so technically, you're also on probation! So one false move and you're wings are clipped! Literally! Starscream:... Right now, that sacrifice seems worth it if it will get you off my back! Heatwave: You think I like having to watch your bumper? I don't! But I have to because you always get it into trouble because you either never stay out of trouble or never know when to mute it, Screamer! Starscream: You expect me to live by a human standard?! Heatwave: I expect you to live by a law abiding standard! Cody: *looks between them bickering and rolls his eyes leaving* Starscream: I DO obey the law! I just want to live as a Decepticon! Or is that criminalized on Earth too?! Heatwave: No, it's not, but how come your father, Glyph and Constructicons can follow Earth regulations and-... Aw, slag, I can't believe I'm standing up for them... Starscream: Aha! So the mask slips off! You ARE just following me around hoping I'll slip up so you can play hero! You Autobots are all the same! You think you are the standard of sainthood and every other Transformer is either a savage or a criminal! Why do I even bother playing nice when you all have already decided I'm guilty for just existing?! Heatwave: No! You're guilty because you actually committed war crimes! So spare me the victim card! Starscream: The war brought out the worst on both factions yet only Decepticons are held accountable! I would say that my "victim card" has meaning! Then again, what would YOU know?! You didn't fight in the war! You don't know the horrors I went through that forced my hand! You literally slept through it! You don't know the first thing about genuine suffering! Heatwave: *is insulted* Take. That. Back. Now! Starscream: No! Heatwave: Take it back! Starscream: I will not apologize for telling the truth! Heatwave: *rings Starscream's neck* TAKE IT BAAAAAAACK!! Starscream: *chokes and then grinds his teeth kicking Heatwave in the stomach getting himself free* How DARE you assault me! I'll rip your optics out with my bare hands! Heatwave: I'm gonna dismantle you piece by piece starting with your big voice box! And iceberg comes between them.... Cyclonus: ENOUGH!! *he turns to Starscream* Starscream, Earth was gracious enough to pardon you for your crimes. The least you can do is abide by their rules and stay out of trouble. Starscream: But, father, he- Cyclonus: I know what he did and how he sees us! You think I feel nothing when people only look at my faction and nothing else? Of course I get insulted, hurt and I hate having to constantly prove myself! But we all have to bear it until things change! Until then, be patient and conduct yourself with dignity! Do I make myself clear?! Starscream:... Yes, father. Cyclonus: And as for you, Heatwave, I stand by my words, but just because I walk the walk doesn't mean I am willing to take it sitting down! Not anymore! Heatwave: Huh?! Cyclonus: I have had enough of you circling around at my feet and everyone else's waiting for us to take one step out of line like a Sharkticon waiting to strike its prey! You never leave us alone, you call us slurs including our presence and worst of all, you encourage your own cadets to practice this behaviour! You should be ashamed of yourself! Heatwave:................. I... Cyclonus: I have reported your behaviour to BOTH Primes and they both agree that it qualifies as problematic and harassment! They are on their way in person to address your behaviour and everyone else's! I suggest you reflect and accept YOUR wrongdoings with grace *leaves and Cody is there looking at both Heatwave and Starscream with contempt before leaving*

When I remember they all in the same timeline I giggle

[channelsurfinng]

•┈••✦ 𝗆𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝖺 𝗀𝗂𝗋𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗅𝖽𝗌 𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝗌𝗉𝗂𝗇𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗒𝗈𝗎... ✦••┈•

...𝗇𝗈𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎!

𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖺𝖼𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗌 ✧ 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗌𝖼𝖺, 𝖼𝗂𝗍𝗅𝖺𝗅𝗂, 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋𝖾𝗋, 𝗇𝗂𝗅𝗈𝗎, 𝗄𝖺𝗆𝗂𝗌𝖺𝗍𝗈 𝖺𝗒𝖺𝗍𝗈

𝗂𝗍'𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗆 𝗈𝗋 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎 - 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗆.

𝖽𝖾𝖺𝗋 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋𝗌, 𝗂'𝗆 𝗌𝗈 𝗌𝗈𝗋𝗋𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗌𝗈 𝗅𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗀𝗈𝗇𝗇𝖺 𝖻𝖾 𝗌𝗅𝗈𝗐 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗈𝗇 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗌𝖼𝗁𝗈𝗈𝗅. 𝗆𝗒 𝗐𝗁𝗈𝗅𝖾 𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗄𝖾𝗇𝖽 𝗂𝗌 𝗍𝖺𝗄𝖾𝗇 𝗎𝗉 𝖻𝗒 𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗌𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝗌𝗈 𝗂 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾𝗅𝗒 𝗐𝗂𝗅𝗅 𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝖻𝖾 𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝗀𝗂𝗏𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗀𝗎𝗒𝗌 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗎𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗅 𝗅𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗈𝗇 𝗇𝖾𝗑𝗍 𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗄. 𝗂 𝗀𝗈𝗍 𝖺 𝗋𝖾𝗊𝗎𝖾𝗌𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗂'𝗆 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗈𝗇 𝗌𝗈 𝖾𝗑𝗉𝖾𝖼𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗌𝗈𝗈𝗇 𝖾𝗇𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁 𝗁𝖾𝗁𝖾 𝗂 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗀𝗎𝗒𝗌 𝖾𝗇𝗃𝗈𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗈

𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 ✧ 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗆𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝗋𝗎𝖻 𝗈𝖿𝖿 𝖺𝗌 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒 𝗉𝗈𝗌𝗌𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗏𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗆𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝖻𝖾 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝖺 𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗍𝗅𝖾 𝗂𝗇𝗌𝖺𝗇𝖾 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗈𝗁 𝗐𝖾𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝖿𝗎𝗇 𝗍𝗈 𝗐𝗋𝗂𝗍𝖾. 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍'𝗌 𝗄𝗂𝗇𝖽𝖺 𝖺𝗅𝗅

𝗑𝗈𝗑𝗈, 𝗅𝗂𝗅 ୨୧

ever since you had gotten with chasca, nothing been the same.

you found there are many things you used to be able to do just fine, such as sleeping, for example, that are almost impossible to do without her.

you also found yourself gazing at her with nothing but infatuation in your eyes; goodness, you really were a lost cause.

she knew it, too. she felt honored in some way, honored that somebody like you would choose someone like her. it admittedly keeps her up at night and she feels nothing but gratitude whenever she looks at you, which makes your heart do somersaults and jumping jacks, it seems.

you'll never stop admiring her, and it only got stronger when she said yes to your love confession, and it got even stronger when she said yes to your marriage proposal. you believe the world would stop spinning if chasca ever died, or was taken away from you; that simply cannot happen, because the only thing that matters in your world is her.

it almost seems the way you love citlali is boarderline obsessive.

but a little secret? she feels the same way. her world revolves around you and making sure you always stay impressed and happy with her. her biggest fear, though she'll never say it, is you leaving.

you two go to extreme ends for one another. it's always her or nothing to you- if you, let's just say, can't accompany her somewhere and would have to go with somebody else, you'd simply rather not go at all. but, yet again, she's the same way.

if one of you leaves, both of your lives are over, you think. not like you'd ever try to leave her. she means far too much to you to even think about that thought.

and on her side? she thinks she'd rather be dead than not by your side as your partner, your romantic lover. it makes her feel good and gives her a sense of closure that she can feel human like this, too. the day you stop loving her will be the day you stop breathing, and maybe even after, she hopes. you belong together in every lifetime.

he caught on to your outlook as soon as you both got together, and it almost scares him.

he loves you, very much, but at the same time, he's not sure if this is what he really wants. he feels nothing more than a mere puppet, and he almost lets you treat him like one; not that you ever would, though.

and the first time you told him just a couple words, it changed his whole outlook on what your relationship meant to him.

"never leave, please. i'm not sure i could go on without you."

and after that sentence was said, the amount of love he holds for you practically doubled, but there's no way you'd ever even be able to tell. he masks it all so well, but he never pushes way your advances to hold his hand or cuddle him to sleep.

you've learned to get used to his attitude, and you're unsure if your earth would keep spinning if he ever disappeared out of your life. he wouldn't even dream of leaving, but you feel too dependent on him to even have that thought.

she doesn't feel the same as you do, but you mean so much to her either way.

in a way, she really enjoys how clingy you could get and how verbal you are with how much you love her. you make sure to remind her of that everyday to make sure she's still satisfied and still loves you the same you love her.

and goodness, does doing something as simple as even taking a walk feel wrong without her by your side. if she's not around, it feels... strange. like her absence isn't a long term lifestyle you could live with.

you truly wonder how you did it before you met her. you couldn't imagine having to fall asleep without her clinging to your arm, or slow dancing with anyone else besides her. simply, life before her isn't something you know anymore.

and you silently pray every night to all of the archons that it's a lifestyle you'll never have to relearn, because you feel you simply cannot. she's part of your day everyday, and when she's not, it's a bad day in your books.

you guys share feelings, but he's much more possessive with it than you are.

you simply just cannot imagine a world where ayato isn't in it and need to make sure he knows it, while he cannot fathom you not being around and makes sure he knows what you're doing whenever you're doing something, for example.

you show this through clinginess and admiration that you verbalize. words of i love you being said almost every moment you spend with him, and he loves it. he loves being loved.

he feels he cannot focus on work as well as he used to be able to. you feel you cannot focus on house chores and your own work like you used to. he's always on your mind, and you're always on his. him leaving would be as if the world snapped into two, you think.

and so you simply try not to think about that and simply live in the moment with him by your side. goodness, you are so in love, and he's no better.

[supper-ansuta-broth]

Hey guys!

As of the most recent Akatsuki event, fans of Ensemble Stars! across the globe have begun voicing their anger with the distasteful, ignorant, and outright bigoted nature of the franchise's story as a whole (most prominently (but not exclusively) its racist structure, undertones, plot points, and rhetoric). I have always been of the opinion that Happy Elements K.K. as a company is not worthy of respect, and wholly do not care about fans' and users' input, feelings, concerns, and criticisms. Time and time again, H.E. have not only put their own bottom line first, but have made it their only concern.

Needless to say, I am not only disappointed but infuriated with this company. While I am an optimist who hopes to see the best come from any situation, this is not one of the cases where this would be a realistic outlook. Because of this, posts on here will likely be infrequent, as I don't want anyone to believe that even for a moment I think their decisions are excusable.

That being said, while I encourage everyone to do their part in reminding H.E. over and over how much harm they've caused and the colossal damage they've done to their IP, I must also remind everyone that most of a gacha's game's profits come from the small percentage of its highest paying players (i.e. "whales"), and that H.E. has a long history of not listening to its playerbase's concerns and criticisms, even going as far as to silence them and block them for speaking up. They do not care what you think. They care about money, first foremost and only. Be active and speak up, don't support their shitty business practices, but don't run yourselves into the ground in the process of doing so, because at the end of the day they will continue trucking along-- they are too big to fail.

I encourage everyone to direct their focus towards fan creators, and send them as much of your kindness and love as possible. Support the people who create things due to passion and love, not just for money. Enstars has been lacking passionate stories for a long time anyway, with only a handful every now and again. Everyone who creates anything, no matter their skill level, deserves compassion and support. And if you're someone who wants to create something but fears mediocrity, create it anyway. Every great artist was consistently mediocre until they grew enough in their skill to start producing some things they like.

Additionally, this is in no way the fault of the seiyuu, the employees of H.E. who are not in charge of making decisions for the story, or anyone else who isn't directly involved with the meat of what makes Enstars, Enstars. These people are not to blame. Direct your ire towards the writers, the executives, and anyone else who allows these decisions to pass.

That's all I have to say for now. If you have any questions, feel free to send me an ask. I can't guarantee I'll get around to everything in a timely manner, but I assure you I will answer anything I can. Thank you for reading.

[phosph-ate]

I was thinking

what if our dear Dr. Phosphorus was dating a reader who was once his right-hand man when he was the boss of Rupert Thorne's old gang?

me eating this idea:

OKAY, SO!

You got a lot of perks while he was the boss. I mean, literally anything you could ever want.

We'll just say you were already part of the gang, and he acquired you when he took over.

You're super smart and competent and not afraid of him, so he immediately liked you.

After a little bit, and lots of tension, you end up dating.

He is always so careful with you and also keeps you near/on him at all times.

IMAGINE SITTING IN HIS LAP??? RAAHHHH

if you are not immune to his radiation/flames, better get that RadAway because he CANNOT control himself... He does, but he would prefer to not.

If you are immune, well... 😈

Once Batman stops him, obviously things change. He gets sent away and even if you are lucky and get away, you fear you will never see him again.

Him convincing Rick and Waller to get you, whether you were put away too, or got away and are hiding. He says he'll be on extra good behavior (not a complete lie actually). Rick is curious...

You seem like you'll be able to help!! I mean, Dr. Phosphorus doesn't say too much but everything he says is such high praise.

if they rescue you from jail, or find you hiding in some undisclosed location, you are shocked.

Dr. Phosphorus is immediately naughty once you are even in his peripheral vision. He's been locked away; he can't help it... He needs you!!

Rick there like 🧍‍♂️"why did I agree to this???" he didn't know you were dating him, that's why.

You are so shocked to see him you do not believe he's real at first. he can't be.

You two are absolutely inseparable, Dr. Phosphorus kind of refuses to let you go once you're in his grasp. Not that you mind. You don't ever want to be without him again.

I NEED HIM. YOUR HONOR, I NEED HIM! I just think he's neat🧎

I kind of just went everywhere with these headcanons i may elaborate better eventually!! i have sooooo many thoughts!!

[estranhossonhos]

It's obviously not a requirement I look for, whenever I meet someone (friends, bf/gf, doesn't matter - I mean people I want to keep around and nourish a relationship with); but I would love to have a significant other with this kind of mindset. That cooks with joy, plans every mealtime with ease, and feeds on other people's reactions to their food. In fact, whenever I get invited to eat at someone's house, and they complain that the food didn't turn up how they envisioned, or state that «it's nothing fancy» - oh, you have no idea how moments like this warm my body, heart and soul. And I wish I was writing all of this out of nostalgia, with that magical, slow-motion like remembrance about everyone gathered around a table, enjoying themselves, talking, laughing, ... but for me, it goes beyond that.

tw: mental health + unhealthy eating patterns

I try not to feel ashamed by confessing this, but I can't help but notice how people look at me weird. It's such an automated/basic thing everyone does, and I can't do it? «What do you mean? You need food to live, yet you can't cook nor do the groceries? ». Not quite, but I do need a whole day to do it, and a few days in advance to get myself ready for this mundane task. You see, my brain shuts off whenever I look at what's inside my fridge or pantry - if there's even anything in there to begin. I simply cannot put combine ingredients like you do (and it's not due to lack of knowledge). And whenever I can, it will most likely become my go-to meal for the next few weeks. It's a logistical nightmare to even consider going out to the supermarket. Yes, I could order online - but that's another task on itself. 80% of the times this gets me so overstimulated that, I've ended up (discreetly, I hope) crying in public, on a few occasions.

Don't worry, it's not an everyday occurrence. And for better or for worse, I am too self-conscious and pragmatic for this bad habit to take over. But whenever my neurodivergent brain is going through the slumps (you know: those occasional rough patches that resurface every once in a while, sprinkled with anxiety and depression), I prefer to stay in bed, disassociate and lose track of time, with an empty stomach. Even though I merely switched that moment with another filled with more guilt and shame towards myself. And yes, that also includes going out to eat. That's why I (while trying to play it cool) usually choose what somebody else ordered, or what the waiter recommended. This way nobody suspects anything is wrong with me, right?

Now, if this all seems childish and overly dramatic, congratulations: you are a typical functioning human-being. Believe me when I say this: I feel the same way you do, whenever I hear myself complaining about this «first world problem». But unfortunately, this drains the little energy we have to navigate our daily lives as neurodivergent individuals in a neurotypical world. Especially for those with a very tight monthly budget, who live alone or share a place with people they are not close with. Just like you, I used to find unnecessary and environmentally unfriendly all of those pre-packed, peeled and/or frozen meals, veggies and fruits. Nowadays I am thankful whenever I find them, since they quite literally have saved my life multiple times. Chemicals? Not healthy? Never heard of them. I need fuel to get out of bed and to not rot away. And if that fuel is a frozen lasagne with a weird ingredient list, so be it. I promise I'll compensate in a near future, when I am mentally and physically out of the slump, and I feel capable of asking for help (if needed) or to mask myself again as a typical functioning human-being 💪 So, next time you catch yourself complaining about those «unhealthy and ready to eat meals» or any other «unnacessary invention» that promises to make someone's life easier: take a deep breath, question everything but always try to do it out of pure curiosity. This way you're always reach the correct answer, be apart of less judgemental world, with more acessibility, compassion and solidarity towards one another.

Cooking for you is my love language.

[hencheri]

18+ mdni.

pairing: stalker!wayv x fem!reader

warnings: mention of stalking, harassment, toxic ex relationship, manipulation, noncon.

for @vanesycho <3

.

kun kun is so meticulous about it... so secretive. he plays the perfect friend. he's soft, caring, reassuring... and handsome. kun is the one who you go to for advice, the one you know will have the right answer to everything. you can trust him, and you do, oh so deeply. it's so easy to fall for him, so easy to believe in his sweet words.

you will never know that his real feelings are perverted and sick, though. you could never suspect it. you could never think that his camera roll is full of pictures of you, that he knows your schedule by heart and that he keeps track of all of your escapades.

but kun only does this to protect you, he convinces himself. he isn't intruding your privacy, no, he's just making sure that nothing happens to you. he wants you safe, safe from bad and cruel men. the pictures are simply because he can't get enough of your beauty, it's a compliment, really, that he keeps them.

xiaojun he isn't a stalker! but when he finds his person, finds the woman who's the perfect fit for him, the one worthy of his attention, he can't get rid of her— and in this case, you. it could go in two different ways: xiaojun begs you to come back to him, tells you that breaking up with him is nonsense, that you need him and won't find a better boyfriend than him. or he insults you, says the meanest things to you and accuses you of having cheated on him. honestly, both could be happening at the same time.

he sends you countless messages, literally blows up your voicemail. you have to tell him where you are. it doesn't matter if you aren't together anymore, you should've stayed a couple anyway. xiaojun is just such a jealous ex, and a jealous boyfriend in general, he won't believe you're not with other men until you prove it to him.

he's not secretive at all. he's very adamant on letting you know that he wants you, he's really straightforward and he isn't afraid to admit his stalker-ish behaviour (he doesn't see it this way anyway). if he happens to follow you somewhere, he'll come up to you. if he wants a picture of you, he'll take it right in front of you, he doesn't care that you're against it. and if he wants to fuck you, he will.

ten he's a little pervert, in my opinion. he's super touchy as your friend. you got used to it, seeing he's like that with most of his friends, you don't put any meaning to it. but in reality, he has ulterior motives. and it'd be obvious if you weren't too naive.

you've even given a spare key to your apartment to ten, but of course he uses it to his advantage. he comes when he knows you're not there, snoop through your things, steals a pair of panties or two.

he sends you anonymous letters, telling you everything he'd do to you in it. you tell ten about it, about your stalker and all the gross things he says in his letters, pretending like he isn't the author of them. he even dares to act disgusted of the words used in them, says your stalker is crazy and dangerous, you should let ten stay overnight so you feel safer in your home. honestly, he finds it quite fun to play the protective friend, watching the distress on your face, unaware that your stalker is actually your closest friend.

yangyang i could see him doing the same thing as ten because he looooves seeing you scared and being the one to reassure you. not only does it boost his ego to be your saviour, he also can take advantage of it.

he slowly and slowly makes you dependant of him, making you believe that nowhere is safe— except beside him, of course. yangyang is smart, he can fool you without any problem. but i think eventually he's going to be too blinded by his pride and let something slip. the moment you discover the truth about him, you're obviously terrified, you don't want to be near yangyang ever again.

but yangyang won't let that happen...

winwin baby could never be a stalker, he's got a gentle soul and the sweetest heart. he would never ever be the cause of your torment— well...

winwin looks at your instagram at least 5 times a day. it's nothing bad, just a little crush he has on you. sure, maybe he does fantasize about you, like, all the time, and maybe he's a little jealous of your other male friends, but he's not harming you. he would never.

until his crush gets out of hands. winwin, such a panties stealer, let me tell you. he steals everything, down to your hair ties and bras. if he sees you chatting with any men, he'll get so mad he'll purposefully start an argument with you, going as far as calling you names— something you thought you would've never heard from him. he also tracks your phone because he can't bear the idea of having you seeing other men.

hendery i don't see him as the type to be a stalker either, even though i can believe he could become obsessive very fast. he wouldn't see the purpose into creating a false "perfect" image of himself, or have the patience to follow you, do things without your knowledge.

but hendery is very clingy. he does creepy stuff like waiting outside your apartment (yes, he'd have the patience for that lol only because he knows you're there or leaving soon), saying he's there, that you have to go open the door to him. you get freaked out by his behaviour and ask him to stop, but he doesn't understand why he would. the more you push him away, the clingier he gets.

i once described him as a sicko in love and yeah... he totally is. but he needs you to love him back! it could have happened when you first became friends because hendery is so handsome, he's funny and really attentive, but unfortunately, he got a little too enamoured of you... it's okay though, you'll eventually realize that you're as in love with him as he is with you.

[harrietswriting]

Hihi! Im so sorry if this is pushing a boundary or something, but personally, I struggle with an eating disorder. I was wondering if you could write like a Curtis sister imagine where one of them finds out that reader is dealing with an ed and tells the other brothers? Just like a shit ton of angst + comfort. Again, I’m so sorry if this is pushing some sort of boundary. I hope you have a lovely day 🫶🏻

Your Brothers Found Out You Have an ED

Curtis Brothers x gn!sibling!reader

An: I wish everyone out there struggling with an ed the best of luck at recovery. Yall are beautiful and deserve the world. 💕 I hope this is kinda accurate. If it's not and it's weird then please let me know!

Word count: 750

W: discussion of ED, reader with ED, Darry is a bit insensitive at first

"I'm not really hungry, Darry." You stand in the kitchens entryway and mess with your sleeves as your older brother cooks dinner. "I ate earlier."

"Well, you need to stop doing that. You're always spoiling your dinner. When was the last time you ate with us, y/n?" He looks over at you.

Your cheeks flush and you avoid his eyes. It's been awhile since you've eaten dinner with them. You normally just drink a glass of water and talk about your day as they eat, trying to talk over the grumbling of your stomach. But you lie, "I ate that pasta you made a few nights ago." You had taken a bite of the Alfredo pasta, but you felt awfully guilty and regretted it.

Sodapop had been sitting in the dining room and had over heard your conversation with Darry. He'd noticed your lack of eating and was really worried about you. Maybe Darry couldn't see that something was wrong, but Soda could. He couldn't remember that last time he'd seen you eat a healthy amount of food. He's also noticed your abnormal weight loss and how fatigued you've been lately.

"I'll eat leftovers when I get hungry." You lie.

Darry sighs then goes back to cooking. "Okay, y/n."

"Sorry."

"Its fine, but you're eating with us tomorrow."

Damn it. You'd have to ask one of your friends if you could stay over or hang out at their house tomorrow evening to avoid that. But you say: "okay."

You turn around and walk out of the kitchen, heading towards your room. You try not to panic about potentially having to eat dinner tomorrow while you walk.

Soda watches you go towards your room. Hr waits until he hears the door close, then he gets up and heads into the kitchen.

"Hey Darry, we need to talk about y/n." Soda says.

Darry looks up from the pot he's stirring and gives Sodapop a questioning look. "What about 'em?"

Soda hesitates for a moment, then begins. "I don't think they're eating Darry. Like, at all. Or at least, not nearly enough."

Darry's saddened by this idea, and a long, sad, heartbreaking conversation follows. He doesn't want to believe Soda at first.

Ponyboy finally finished his homework and joined his brothers in the kitchen. His heart dropped when he heard what Soda thought.

"You really think... why would y/n do that?" He asks quietly.

Soda shrugs. "I don’t know. So, what do we do now? Do we have an intervention kind of thing?"

"Y/n is eating dinner with us." Darry states, then calls your name.

"Darry, I don’t know if rushing them into eating is the best idea." Soda counters.

You come out of your room and make your way to the kitchen where all three of your brothers are. "Yeah?"

"You're eating dinner with us." Darry crosses his arms. Soda looks at you sympatheticly and Ponyboy looks worried. They can't know, right?

"I ate earlier though." You say quietly, trying to mask your panic. Soda frowns.

"What'd you eat?" Darry asks.

You pause. "I.. I made eggs."

"Don't be a liar."

"I'm not-"

"Both of you stop." Soda interrupts, "Y/n, you're not eating, and we're worried about you. That's not good for you. I'm no genius, but I'm pretty sure eating a healthy amount of food is super important."

You stare at them, unsure of what to say. They know, so you can't deny it, but you don't want to admit it either.

Darry speaks, "This ends now, this not eating thing."

"It's not that easy." You mutter.

"It's a disorder, Darry." Pony chimes in. He glances at you then looks at the ground.

This sucks. You're feel helpless. You feel cornered. You can't get yourself out of this. Its embarrassing having them know, and its worring. Yeah, you need help, but sometimes you dont want it. You hug your arms around yourself as you look at the ground and tears blur your vision.

Darry sighs, walks over, and hugs you. "It's okay, y/n. You're not in trouble. We just want to help you." Soda joins in the hug, "Yeah, y/n." Then Ponyboy joins in too. You can't help but smile a little with your brothers hugging you. You know they love and care about you, and in this hug, you feel safe.

The group hug eventually breaks up. You sniffle and wipe your eyes. Soda looks at you tenderly. "How can we help you?"

an: argh! I hope this is sweet and lives up to your expectations. I didn't want to have the reader give specifics on how the brothers can help them in the fic, because everyone is different and needs different things.

[littlepaperboatyo]

so for me it's important to start with a better understanding of infinity, because we use that word a lot with space. infinity was a word invented before we understood how big math can get, and with math changing its meaning has changed. the purpose of as a word is to say "so big you can't even imagine," not "a number which has no end." when we mention there is no edge of the universe we are not wrong, but we also are not communicating well. we do not know of an edge, and there certainly is not a hard edge, but there is an end somewhere out there.

it's as though we are a single electron bouncing around our sun, the nucleas, in a cloud in the sky. what we are in is so big and we are so small and we cannot place where we are in it. clouds do not have edges, but they do have borders. and as we know the universe is expanding, things are becoming more spread out from their point of origin in the big bang.

as the universe gets too spread out and we approach the entropic heat death of the universe black holes will eat other black holes and get bigger and at the same time stronger, sucking all of existence back in. conveniently the universe will already be pretty cooked at this point so the black holes won't have much digesting to do. eventually they will have gathered everything, back into one spot as small as everything can possibly fit into, and it will be too much for any black hole to contain. and it will explode. and it will all begin again, new, but built with the same star stuff.

and it will happen again.

and again.

and again.

for infinity.

and there is an infinite amount of star stuff, and an infinite amount of empty space, and an infinite amount of time, and an infinite amount of ways the universe can happen. but there are smaller and larger infinities, because there are many numbers too large for us to possibly conceive of, and those are that with which the universe sings. but i choose to believe that the infinite amount of time is the biggest infinity. i choose to believe we have done this all before exactly like this, and many times more slightly different, and we will do it all again. and perhaps the universe is trying to understand something, and we are helping somehow that we do not know. and we will never know, and it will never know, because we are simply an electron blinking in and out of existence in a cloud, all on the outward breath.

Fellow science assholes and science enthusiast assholes: Hit me with your favorite wildly unguarded speculations about what conditions were like before the Big Bang. Bonus points if the crankery includes dubious math; we love reading about dubious math.

[velvetvexations]

the thing about socialization + the idea that testosterone/passing/coming out or whatever else people have decided trans men should stop doing is "the thing that makes them an Evil Man becuase the Evil Man Rays are seeping into their unsuspecting heads, but they're even worse because they 'got to' grow up afab and that gives them 'female privilege'" reminds me of something ive seen some people do.

ive met quite a few people who consider themselves academic types and are, on paper, anti-racist. they can and will state that one's race has no bearing on their mental and moral capacities, and they find all the racist scientology things bs. however, when confronted with the 'problem' of actually interacting with nonwhite people (especially in contexts of trust, relationships, and gauging skill) they spew textbook racist rhetoric and then cover it up with "well, ii don't think their skin color has anything to do with it, but im sure that growing up in a Certain Disadvantaged Environment does things to you that makes you less trustworthy/stupider."

and it's a whole shitload of baggage when it comes to nature vs nurture arguments, and i guess i can't prove nor disprove the existence of the invisble force begotten from a specific upbringing that creates all those Evil People we love talking about, but actually my point is this: i don't think it matters to the people they're talking about. if someone flings stereotypes at me but tries to undercut it with "well i'm not saying that because of your'e [ethnicity im not sharing], that's silly. i just think that about you because if the way i think Society has treated you" funnily enough, im not going to care that much. they're not getting extra credit for that

and that's why in all this im like OF COURSE 'tmes' (by which both they and i mean afab trans people and sometimes intersex people) are upset! youre telling me that this group of people, whom we can reasonably assume were not comfortably out from a young age, have dealt with this society's bullshit when it comes to being percieved as a woman...and they're mad about being called basic, whiny, overreactive, stupider on average, soft, and liars about their oppression? man, i'd think so! i'd hope so! i wonder where they might have heard that before!

that's where all the insistence about reading theory (which by the way, a lot of us have!) falls flat on its face. anyone, 'tme' or 'tma' repeating their transphobic arguments have encountered a fundamental failure in how to interact with a group of people with baggage. this is necessary context and i feel insane becuase it's almost never acknowledged, we're just supposed to pretend that transmasc people were never trans? and those who bring it up are 'cligning onto femininity?'

i feel like that's also why we've had so many people say "they sound like terfs." i myself am not really comfortable with the comparison, but to tell someone that they have terf-ish talking points is, i think, not the end of the world. because i thought we determined a long time ago that the problem is the people, the terfs, it's that bs that they believe. and to spout the exact same things while claiming that "well, but im saying it for a different reason! im not arguing that all people i think do gender wrong should die because im a terf, i do it for Enlightened reasons!" again, no extra credit.

yeah but other people read "trans people AFAB have dealt with misogyny all their lives and continue to deal with it" as "trans women have a lesser relationship to misogyny" like bitch dat's a whole new sentence! DAT'S A WHOLE NEW SENTENCE!

[jovieinramshackle]

I always try to not be shy about the fact Pio does not pass as a man at all, and that he is in a situation where he cannot take the steps to do so (medically transitioning basically)— not just financially, but mentally too.

He hates his chest, his private parts and the fact they cause hin extreme dysphoria once a month from his period, his voice is audibly feminine, he even has very "soft feminine" features, he is often mistaken for a butch woman and misgendered a lot (he's also very anxious about correcting people, since he's afraid of how they'll react).

And I feel it's important from me to showcase these features, because they’re part of a realty many transmasc/guys/men like me go through.

The thing about Pio is that he has an extremely hard time believing he's a "real man". Almost everything in his life is an active reminder that society does not see him as a man, and he has internalised it. He is happy the people close to him (his father, Chris and his family) confirm they see him as a man, but he has a hard time genuinely believing they actually do, because he can't possibly say the same about himself.

He's on the verge of giving up sometimes, to detransition, to go back being [REDACTED] and be a woman again. He thinks it will make life easier. After all, it'll be easier to socialise, talk to people, and even find a partner. Pio is gay after all, but what gay man would love a "woman," right? Straight men must be his only option, right?

But it won't be easier, it will outright kill.

And this is why his relationship with Fellow is so crucial to him. For all his faults, the fox did one very important thing right in the relationship— love Pio for the man that he is.

Fellow didn't always have the right words, but he knew words weren't really gonna help such a dysphoric person like Pio. The constant and consistent love and support over time was what made Pio realise how genuine Fellow was with him.

Intimacy felt less uncomfortable, it actually became enjoyable. He could actually bare his features, even if a little. He actually grow to like his voice a little, even if he's fine with it changing. Everything just became a little easier when he was with Fellow, he could actually see himself as desirable, to an other queer man no less.

He began thinking that perhaps he is a man, regardless of everything. This reduction of his dysphoria was what made him more motivated to seek medical transition later one, as he finally could think to himself, "this isn't pointless." He realised nothing can stop him from being the man that he is.

Even after their falling out during their work in Playful Land, Pio still had this drive in him. He went back to his father and started working, slowly saving up to seek a way to get his hands on HRT. And although he has a long way to go, he is for once finally determined to do what he must do for his well being.

He kinda spiralled for a while because of the falling out. He even began relying on alcohol for a bit. But this new profound drive carried him every day and kept him alive.

So basically, as angry as he is with Fellow, he will always be grateful for all the genuine love and desire he was given. It, quite literally, saved his life.

So yeah ofc they make up in the end, what did you expect, to not give them a happy ending? Poser./j

@sunnysidesevenup @theolivetree123 tagging you two cuz...Pio Lore....heh....<3

tag list : @ramshacklerumble @thehollowwriter @summerspook @scint1llat3 @skriblee-ksk

@cyanide-latte @twistedwonderlandshenanigans @oya-oya-okay @viperbunnies @jadelover69

@twsted-void @lallopsyou (lmk/dm if you wanna be added)

[lastoneout]

OH MY FUCKING GOD??

We actually managed to get ahold of the doctor I saw last before I left yesterday(who I believe was my doctor for the whole stay) and he said that the nurse was either misinformed or straight up lying to me about what dose I was being given AND they denied me medication he prescribed!!

Apparently, they usually start patients with 5mg of oxycodone once they're in their rooms after surgery and IF THAT ISNT ENOUGH they are instructed to give me another dose to bring me up to 10mg and if it wears off I should have been given more even if it was within six hours, so yeah the nurses not only TOLD ME I was being given 10mg when I fucking WASN'T, they were ALSO SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME MORE MEDS THE SECOND I SAID WHAT THEY'D ALREADY GIVEN ME WASN'T HELPING OR IF THEY WORE OFF EARLY AND THE WHOLE "YOU ONLY CAN TAKE IT EVERY 6 HOURS EVEN IF IT WEARS OFF AND YOU'RE SOBBING AND AT A 10" THING WAS HORSESHIT.

The pharmacy ALSO did not fill all of the scripts they were given?? The doctor told us that on top of the pain meds he prescribed miralax to help with the ungodly, agonizing bloating I'm dealing with AND A MUSCLE RELAXER TO HELP WITH THE PAIN neither of which were given to me OR EVEN PUT ON MY DISCHARGE PAPERWORK.

The Doctor not only apologized profusely, he said he's going to talk to the nurses I had and let them know what they were doing was directly contrary to his instructions and that isn't fucking okay, and up the dose of the painkiller with a new script since the current one just isn't helping enough and the only thing I have to do is bring in and swap whatever I have left of the old ones, AND make sure the muscle relaxer and miralax get filled!!

He also let us know the setting my shunt is at, the headache I have is normal but if it gets really bad or lasts more than a few days (or if I just feel like something isn't right) that I should call back or just go to the ER, that I should be drinking 64oz of water a day as well as whatever electrolyte drinks I want, AND I can have coffee which should help, and sprite or ginger ale or anything I think will help with the nausea.

I take the shit I said about the doctor back HE knew what the fuck he was doing, the nursing staff and pharmacy just fucked the hell up for whatever reason. Which like...ngl given that two of the nurses were standing in the hallway, ignoring my repeated requests for help and the fact that I was literally sobbing in agony at even the lightest touch in favor of shit talking me!! I feel like maybe we had a case of at least some of the nurses being assholes for no reason. I will probably never know why but I do have a buzz cut, am giving off undeniably queer ass vibes, and had gay pride buttons on my bag, I live in Arizona, and I'm almost certain my gender in the system is set as nonbinary so....I can say for sure but it does makes me wonder.

(Honestly tho it's probably just them being understaffed and stressed and the whole "med school essentially teaches you that all patients are so stupid you can't trust anything they say AND drug addicts waiting to happen" thing and/or the fact that the worst people in the world will always seek out positions of power and being a nurse is a great way for terrible people to gain concerning amounts of power over vulnerable people.)

I'm still never going to this fucking hospital again unless I have literally no other choice tho. They have a long history of treating me and my family like complete and utter shit—like the horror stories I could tell I s2g they nearly killed my mom due to neglecting her severely infected leg for TWELVE HOURS—that place is run by people who literally only care about profit and staffed with the worst, most cruel and careless nurses I've ever met(and that sucks because they are partnered with the local university so basically ALL nursing students in my city train there) and the few that do give a shit are so stressed and miserable they can barely provide care at all.

Christ alive. What a fucking hellhole. Glad I was right about these last two days being a nightmare of bullshit and I never, ever should have been treated that way. Small comfort, but it's still a comfort.

Anyway I'm gonna go take my new, correctly dosed meds, eat something, and take a nap o7 sorry for all the venting, hopefully this is the last of it.

[dammit-tazmuir]

It's also coming from a Pyrrha who knew Wake died with a baby that Pyrrha believed for two decades was hers.

Hers or G1deon's, I guess, but honestly? G1deon was "legendarily unamorous", and coupled with Wake's "later I kissed him before I knew what you were", I personally get the impression G1deon was aroace-spec of a recipro-variety, where the sheer intensity of Wake's attraction and confidence with which she acted like they were already intimate sparked something in him. (Even then, I have to wonder if he might have been more chaste than Pyrrha?) Point is though, from Pyrrha's perspective, there'd be a solid case to see any conceived kid as still hers regardless of who was fronting, even if the body sharing wasn't already enough to nullify any distinction.

Pyrrha spent nineteen years grieving a child she thought was hers only to find out the kid was alive (and now isn't, but kind of is, but it's complicated) but not hers, but she's still Wake's child and that still means something. And also, far more than Pyrrha realized, this kid is the thing Wake died for. The thing she and G1deon were ordered to kill Wake for. The Bomb with which she'd wanted to damn near literally rig the universe to explode, that she was so determined to procure she grew it with her own body for nine grueling months. Gideon is the single most Landmine People thing Wake ever did incarnate.

And then when Pyrrha does meet her (but she's not who she thought, but also not as dead as she thought, but also holy shit she's WHAT now? and JOHN'S?) they get all of a few minutes to actually talk as they're trying not to die (again for real this time, or maybe worse in the River), and THEN, for all Pyrrha knows, she might have lost her AGAIN, IMMEDIATELY. And she spends six months "playing mother and father" to a kid who does not look like Wake and is not the young woman she so briefly met but may or may not have part of the same soul? And it turns out she doesn't (unless), and she loves Nona as Nona even when she grows to understand she's Alecto, but Gideon is still around and once again sporting that fiery red hair.

AND FROM GIDEON'S PERSPECTIVE...

:/ Some dead chick who apparently could hijack her necro's body used that to bang her mom (who was not only apparently a huge dick but managed to betray Gideon's trust beyond anything she could have ever imagined despite having been dead for all but one day of Gideon's entire life) and for some reason thinks that gives her any kind of connection to Gideon. Like, okay??? Even her mom didn't see her as a daughter, why the fuck is this bitch trying to all of a sudden? Plus she just got one new parent and frankly he kinda sucks but he's God and he actually makes her feel special and important. At least he didn't know she existed! Pyrrha can't say the same! Hell, Pyrrha basically killed Gideon once already (or might literally have but ya know, Jesus). And she wants to, what, just be buddy-buddy now? Because she had the hots for Gideon's mom? Shut the fuck up.

As we the audience sit recognizing how insanely good and healing for each other they could be if they really got the chance and not knowing for sure if they ever will. I hate it here.

the miscommunication between Pyrrha and Gideon is killing me. when Pyrrha brings up Wake, she is saying "your mother was important to me, I wanted to be someone important to you too. I still do". but Wake is a sore spot for Gideon! the very first thing we learn about her is that she loves her mother, she goes down to talk to her bones one last time. Gideon survived the Ninth believing that at least her mother loved her

and then she is proven wrong! Wake had her just to kill her, didn't even name her, instead calling her Bomb! she is mourning the idea of a mother and every time Pyrrha brings up fucking Wake, an awkward way to show she cares, it's just another reminder that her mother never loved her. I need to hug her so bad

[bambi-kinos]

A question to be taken lightly but not meant to offend you or anything. But who was/ is the walrus? like in the video, in the song(s) and what can it mean, really? ( I "know" the "official" content) but I don't really believe neither wrote songs w/o meaning anything or used double meaning words for nothing. I also don't think everything has a meaning or an answer.

I think the concept of the Walrus is amorphous and shifted around depending on their moods. A meaning can't be pinned down because the meaning changes depending on the context. The most reliable interpretation of the Walrus is that it demonstrates John's mindset depending on how he uses it. Otherwise I don't think there's anything special about the Walrus in of itself.

So the official story is that John wrote I Am The Walrus to get back at the people who were convinced that every Beatles song had a special encoded meaning. John responded with one of his nonsense poems and he ended up choosing Lewis Carrol's creation The Walrus as a touchstone. Right? Right.

There used to be a post floating around waxing rhapsodic about how John modeled himself on the Walrus and Paul on the Carpenter and this was because the Carpenter could ONLY be Paul and zomg you guiz SYMBOLISM. It was all so intentional!!! (Personally I think that shit gets more and more pretentious the more I think about it.)

It's a cute idea but it's missing out on one important factor: John didn't think in those terms. There is a connection between him, Paul, and Carroll in John's mind but it would only make sense to John and perhaps Paul. When John says he wrote it to bite back at critics, who were using their Ovaltine decoder rings trying to figure out the DEEP INTENTIONAL SYMBOLISM OF BEATLE SONGS, I think he meant it. He made the Walrus a touchstone because John loved Carroll's wordplay and poetry. They were aiming for an animal motif and it fit. It was a cute shorthand nod to his genuinely sociopathic partner, John got to watch a bunch of overeducated pencil jockeys trying to figure it all out, he laughed, good times had by all. The important part is that it wasn't a big deal.

But for John there was dismay on the way. People would not shut the fuck up about the Walrus and what it meant and John is getting increasingly angry because it doesn't mean anything and now a bunch of people are getting fired up over nothing and OOOOHHH GLASS ONIONNNNNN. So John puts in the Walrus again on Plastic Ono Band, again as a big middle finger to all of these blowhards and me-tooers all pulling on his coattails going "hey John! hey John! what about the Beatles! what about the Beatles John! what does it all mean John!" So John writes "I was the walrus but now I'm John" on the track God. The Walrus itself still does not mean anything to John, he's just weaponizing the perceptions of fans against themselves. In their minds "the Walrus" represented The Beatles and John's own Beatleness and John knew that. The boomer fans at the time were absolutely convinced that I Am The Walrus was a secret masterwork of unbreakable code...simply because they didn't understand it. "I don't get it so it must be super deep!"

And the thing is John hated that kind of thinking. He appreciated mystery sure but he was a lot more invested in accessibility. He wanted art to be for everyone, he wanted everyone to invest their own meaning into art. That was why he was so taken with Yoko in the first place, because Yoko's artwork is based in creating open ended experiences where the art itself is created by the thoughts and feelings and sensations you experienced while you interact with her exhibits. You don't get in the bag to look cool, you do it so you can have the experience of being in the bag, even if it was just "well that sucked." What John loved about it was the "YES" factor, that Yoko Ono wants the audience to create the art with her by interacting with her exhibits. Art is not a static thing where you sit on your ass and stare at it or listen to it, art is the thing that happens inside your head when you hear "I am the Eggman/I am the walrus/googoo gah joob" and think "what the fuck does that mean" and then you develop a personal interpretation with your thoughts and feelings that belongs to you and you alone. (And that is why Yoko is actually kinda underrated! She was too hip for the room man. You just don't get it man....)

But the fans and overeducated idiots didn't want to do that. They wanted strict prescriptions for interpreting Beatle music. Many fans refused to appreciate I Am The Walrus for what it is: a silly and slightly lewd/violent nonsense poem John probably worked out on the back of an envelope. (Written with Paul's bottom as a table, I'm sure.) They wanted it to be more than it was instead of appreciating the joy that John gifted them by singing the song for them.

So John turned it around on them in God and on Plastic Ono Band. They want to believe in the Walrus so much? Fine. He'll kill the Walrus. It's dead. There is no more Walrus, there are no more Beatles, there is only John, and Yoko, and John&Yoko. The fans wanted the Walrus to mean something so badly that they strangled the poor thing to death and John had to put it out of its misery. That poor fucking creature, John just wanted it to amuse the children and look what the cretins made him do. The Walrus was supposed to be a cute nod to Lewis Carroll, not be a fucking Beatle thing!

It's important to note John's (warranted) bitter and volatile mindset towards the Beatles machine. I want to make a whole post about it someday but John was pretty furious and I think he was right to be. But he also chose to deal with it by killing what the fans loved. I think he was justified but also, oof.

Wrt the music video: I believe it's Paul in the Walrus costume right? George referenced this in the When We Was Fab music video where there's a left handed bass guitarist in the Walrus mask. So yes, there was a link to Paul and the Walrus in the beginning. I think this was part of John's private joke. Paul was the closest to his heart so of course Paul should get to play the character from John's favorite poet. John even references this in Glass Onion, the last time he tried throwing Paul a bone. But again, I don't think it meant anything overly deep or significant as a symbol in of itself. The Walrus doesn't mean anything innately.

But then we get into the interesting stuff: John referencing "the Walrus" in his Just Like Starting Over demo. Specifically referencing taking the Walrus back to bed! Well, well, well. And I believe there's an interesting line from Paul in 1979 isn't there where he says "I am the walrus/was the walrus but now I'm Paul" in an interview or something? I may be making that up, I'm not sure.

So what does this big slurry mean?

I think that the Walrus started out in John's mind as just a cute literary toy for Beatle fans to puzzle over. The overeducated and overeager pencil jockeys got one in the eye trying to make sense of gibberish and John got to indulge in his love of cosplay by sticking Paul in a Walrus suit. And it should have ended there, except it didn't, everyone and their dog assumed the Walrus meant something (what about the poor Eggman???) and John tried to pacify them and then that didn't work and then he goes FINE YOU DON'T GET TO HAVE A WALRUS ANYMORE. And he pulps the Walrus.

The change comes with John's shift in mood. Paul's arrest in Japan legitimately threw John for a loop IMO. That's when John started softening towards Paul, that's when Bermuda happened and his creativity came roaring back. The sudden reminder that he could lose Paul forever and then John's realization "I can steer my own ship, I'm in charge of my own life!" which resulted in John starting the process on leaving Yoko under his own power, a very vital point. John was getting his own divorce lawyer according to industry rumors. John was reemerging as the hero he needed to be to save himself and forgive Paul.

All of that culminated in "the time has come the walrus said/for you and me to stay bed again." If the Walrus charts John's inner landscape and his personal feelings towards Paul then this means he was coming out of the fugue and wanted to dote on Paul again, like he used to. Figure out where they could go from here. And it seems John was very optimistic about his future with Paul to be perfectly honest. Taking Paul back to bed after all that time? And Paul seems to have been the one who instigated it! He was still hot for John! Whew!

So all that IMO is what the Walrus "really means." I don't think it's definitive and there's lots of stuff I am definitely missing and didn't include here. Someone I used to know once said she didn't put anything past John because he read everything and kept it all stored in his head, so who knows maybe the jerk off interpretation about the Walrus and the Carpenter and Paul is true.

But ultimately it's just a word with no genuine connection to its animal counterpart and the purpose of it is as a demonstration of John's personal thoughts and feelings mostly (but not always) relating to Paul McCartney.