#also how can people bash any of them it’s literally a fuckin book

[sa4phire]

If you understand this ily.

[askthedevicer]

SO. That season 2 finale huh?

Episode 16 of the Mandalorian was certainly....polarizing. this gets long, so Imma put it under a cut, but these are my initial, raw, and unfiltered thoughts about it.(beware, here there be spoilers, and much flailing )

From what I can see, if you like Luke Skywalker, you liked this episode. If not, it was ruined for you. Having no strong investment in the Star Wars franchise outside of the Mandalorian, I can see why they chose to use Skywalker as opposed to any other Jedi. Luke is a known character. Whether you love him or hate him, you at least know him. I think the directors chose him because of that. The end goal of this season was to get Grogu to some sort of school. It makes sense to give him to a character that already has one established.

As for the book of Boba! Do I think Boba is badass? YES! Would I love a show that depicts him and Fennec being badasses together? HELL YES! Do I want that show to be the Mandalorian? FUCK NO. I think (I hope) that the end credits scene is about a spinoff that will air concurrently with season 3 of the Mandalorian. I think they’re doing it that way because Din’s and boba’s stories will intersect and they don’t have time in the Mandalorian to explain all of Boba’s character growth off screen. (Also, this seems like the best way for disney to make more money and is therefore the most plausible course of action.)

Now, Bo-Katan VS Din, and The Issue With The Darksaber. Din trying to get his kid and accidentally getting an empire instead is the most in character and funniest fucking thing. Moff Gideon shooting Bo-Katan is hamfisted, but necessary. She’s not dead, but she is injured, which will delay any duel between her and Din. This allows for a whole ass season three plot line wherein either: 1) Bo-Katan tries to coach a reluctant Din into becoming Mandalor, teaching all about the culture and history he obviously slept thorugh in his classes or 2) it becomes and enemies-to-friends arc as she constantly tries to get the drop on him, fails, and they bond over drinks in bars

NOW LETS MAKE SOMETHING CLEAR. I STRAIGHT UP DON’T THINK DISNEY HAS THE BALLS TO SEPARATE DIN FROM GROGU PERMANENTLY. I’m calling it now, by the end of episode one of season three, they’ll be reunited. I mean, Din’s interesting as a character because of how he reflects off this incredibly powerful infant. Like, Stressed Dad(tm) is his entire character. So. Yeah.

Din? has? a? Ship? Maybe? Because Bo-Katan is injured, and din has the dark saber, does he also get Moff Gideon’s ship? like.... At least he’ll have a bigger bed....

hahahaHAHA, the fuckin music! holy shit, I was rocking out the whole time! The Darktroopers got some fucking dubstepmusic. The constant twang of the mandalorian music because this episode had so many mandalorians. the SepaRatioN music! the credits!!! God. A+ on the soundtrack.

The girls fighting together was fucking awesome! Good on them. and the way their fighting styles were all different was great attention to detail! Cara going in with the Minigun and head bashing people in. Fennec sneaking behind and sniping through tiny windows. Bo-Katan and her (sister? I’m embarrassed to say I forgot how they know each other) planning strategically and covering exits. Just. Amazing. 

Din. Can’t sneak to save his life. he has never had to strategize anaything. Him walking out of the ship and staring at all the downed troopers like he couldn’t believe all his work had been done for him was hilarious. Poor guy isn’t used to working with a competent crew.

The Fight. we all knew it was coming. Beskar vs. darksaber. And damn it was badass. considering we have no reason to believe that Din has ever used a spear before nabbing this one, our boy’s got talent. also, it was fucking hilarious that Moff gideon obviously didn’t know that Beskar could block the darksbaer and fucking just. wailing on din in a panic when the first few hits didn’t hack him up was.. *chef’s kiss* phenomenal.

Let’s talk about the Darktroopers. it seems to me that their biggest threat was that guns didn’t phase them. Based on what I saw. I do actually believe this crew could have taken them down. With casualties sure. But if Din had his Beskar spear and Bo-Katan has accepted the darkspear, I do think they could have done some serious damage. I mean, lets be real. that darktrooper was literally punching Din into the wall, and Din didn’t so much as have a bloody now when he took his helmet off. so like. Maybe Darktroopers are the ultimate weapons, but Mandalorians are the ultimate shield so. Rock. meet hard place.

And Lastly: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH R2D2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[aforrestofstuff]

I’ve been looking at your posts for a while now and I love your Headcanons so much! I only made an acc today just to thank you for making these! Also I’ve also seen your A03 acc and read your fanfics there and I think you’re a great writer! I wrote a huge comment on one of your stories just rambling about how much I like your tumblr and works but I don’t think it sent cause I don’t have an A03 :( today I’m 15 and I was wondering if you’d make Headcanons for how you think S Class heroes would celebrate their birthdays (if that’s alright of course I don’t wanna make you do anything you don’t wanna) and also just a question, why don’t you do PPP headcanons at all? He’s an S Class Hero and I think he’s the only hero you skip out on. Other then that, keep making these headcanons cause they are great and inspire me for my own OPM crack storie book I created (Random One Punch Man Crack Fanfictions on Wattpad i only wrote one story there and only said it if you’re interested)

Thank you thank you thank you so much. I’ve already sent you a dm but I just wanted to say it again because I’m literally vibrating with happiness. Happy birthday <3.

Birthday Headcanons:

Terrible Tornado: Sticks a candle in a store-bought cupcake and calls it a day. She’ll go get her nails and hair done, buy herself a new dress, and just spend the entire time relaxing. Fubuki used to throw her parties when they were kids but she doesn’t really expect that from her anymore.

Silverfang: His disciples used to get together and throw him a surprise party every year. However, ever since the Garou Incident, Charanko will take it upon himself to fill the void somewhat and scrape together enough money to buy a cake (or the ingredients to make one) and a small gift. Silverfang can go both ways: he likes people but he can also be quiet and reflective. So, he has a great time regardless of whether or not he has a party and spends the day enjoying nature, meditating, and being thankful for living as long as he has.

Atomic Samurai: He’s not antisocial by any stretch of the word but he prefers to celebrate this day only with those closest to him. He and his disciples do something new every year and it’s always grounded and casual. Sometimes they’ll all go out to drink, sometimes Okama and Iaian will prepare a feast, sometimes they’ll have lighthearted competitions on who’s the best swordsmaster (with weird contests like who can balance their sheaths on their head the longest and who can catch the hilt of their blade after doing a backflip 3 consecutive times). Good times all around. However, if someone mentions Atomic Samurai’s age, he will sass them to oblivion.

Child Emperor: He doesn’t really plan to do anything out of the ordinary. It’s mostly just business as usual on his birthday. But after meeting Zombieman, however, he practically gets dragged out of the lab and into something special each year. Whether it’s a horror movie marathon, a late-night drive to catch a glittering view of the city, or just chilling and stuffing themselves on sweets, it makes Zombieman a little sad to see wasted youth knowing his life (and age) is as fucked up as it is so he tries to make the kid have at least a little fun the best he can. Child Emperor always has a great time and he now sees the importance of valuing youth and no longer shows shame in pausing his work and enjoying himself every once and a while.

Metal Knight: When he wakes up on his birthday, his alarm clock plays a little tune. That’s about it. He sees no real importance behind age or youth or seniority because as long as he’s at his height of intellect, nothing else matters. Gotta build them robots. It’s business as usual.

King: Holy shit. Shut the blinds. Lock the doors. Silence the phones. It’s game time, baby. Twenty-four hours of blue screen madness. He pigs out on chips, soda, buys himself a cake, and absolutely revels in solitude. He calls his mom each year and they talk for hours on end. She tells him how proud she is of him being a kickass hero and killing monsters and he dies a little inside each time but he loves her nonetheless and keeps up the facade for her sake. She sends him a card with a few coupons and a love-filled note about how much she adores him. He nearly cries each year upon receiving it.

Zombieman: He buys the best cigars he can find, cooks himself a massive T-bone, drinks an entire six-pack of beer, and reclines while watching crime movies. He wears sweatpants, polishes his weaponry, plays Mötley Crüe loud enough for his neighbors to yell at him for it, and just has a great time all by himself. He doesn’t really like parties or get-togethers and even sometimes has to take a break from Child Emperor. This is his day to recharge his social battery and sleep for seventeen hours. This is his day to get absolutely wasted on expensive alcohol and accidentally hotbox his own house. This is his day.

Drive Knight: Pretty much the same as Metal Knight. Whenever the clock strikes midnight on his birthday, a little tune plays in his processing unit and that’s about the end of it.

Pig God: Every restaurant in the damn country has a special on his birthday. He just goes around collecting free food, taking pictures with fans, and eats until he can’t eat anymore (which is a lot). The restaurants he visits have pictures of him eating their food on the walls; he’s become a bit of a indication that if he visits a somewhere to eat, the food’s gotta be bomb as hell. He doesn’t really do anything other than that. He doesn’t really strike up conversation or anything, he just eats in silent contentment and that’s enough for everyone to have a good time.

Superalloy Darkshine: He’s a fan favorite as well. Social media will be blowing up with birthday messages, he’ll be trending on whatever the OPM universe equivalent of Twitter is, and he’ll waste no time going out to meet his fans and spreading birthday happiness. He’ll eat cake, drink with strangers, share laughs and smile without stopping. People will give him little gifts and free food and he accepts it all graciously. Everyone’s invited. Good times all around.

Watchdog Man: This is one of the few days of the year in which he takes the day off from protecting City Q. He’ll just sleep a full twenty-four hours and resume his duty the next day like clockwork each year. Sometimes passerby will leave him little gifts on his podium like meats and dog treats but he doesn’t really take any of it since he’s really particular about what he eats.

Flashy Flash: On this day, he spends time reflecting on how much he’s improved since last year and adopts an extra-vigorous training regimen for the next twenty-four hours. One year, he climbed a mountain in sub-zero temperatures. Another, he ran across a saltwater lake without breaking the surface tension of the water. He spends it alone, occasionally has a drink, and that’s about it. Sometimes he’ll go out to have a nice dinner but that’s only on years he believes he’s deserved it.

Demon Cyborg: He doesn’t really care about his birthday. This makes Doctor Kuseno kind of sad because he believes that Genos is still a kid who deserves to enjoy his birthday like one. So, he does what he can to make the day somewhat special while also pertaining to what Genos could want. This is very hard because Genos never outright says he wishes for anything and that means Kuseno has to do a lot of guesswork. It varies year to year, but the best gift he’s ever given Genos was the sense of taste so the kid could eat birthday cake and enjoy it. Genos isn’t too fond of sweets, he much prefers fruits over cakes, but nevertheless, he was so happy to get one step closer to humanity that something malfunctioned in his head and his hands wouldn’t stop shaking for a whole week.

Metal Bat: Go hard or go home. This fuckin kid pulls an all-nighter with Zenko on the weekend of his birthday to stay inside, build a pillow fort, and play video games. They order pizza, do prank calls, play fighting games, and when the sun comes out they get a couple hours of sleep before riding out again at the height of a sugar high to go to the local carnival (he’s a summer baby) and spend a paycheck’s worth of cash. Once they come home, they collapse in Bad’s bed together, curl up, and fall asleep to some movies.

Tanktop Master: He and the Tanktop Gang have an all-out birthday bash. Everyone and their grandma is invited. There’s food, alcohol, and sports playing on the television in the host’s house (each of them take turns every year). The first few hours of partying, everyone’s having lighthearted fun and watching sports and drinking lightly (Tanktoppers drink responsibly). After that, everyone kind of calms down and they all gather around in the living room and sit on the floor together and just talk about what a great year it is to be alive. They catch up, share stories, eat snacks, and wish Tanktop Master the happiest of birthdays. He absolutely adores spending time with his friends and gives a toast to everyone and their hard work. After that, he goes home and calls his mom before going to bed.

Puri-Puri Prisoner: He and his boyfriend share a slice of birthday cake from the prison cafeteria with a single candle stuck into it. His boyfriend gives him crochet and knitting lessons, they and the other prisoners dance to some music, and the guards give him a pat on the back along with some birthday wishes. That’s about it. There’s only so much he can do in prison, but he makes it work with what he has and has the time of his life nevertheless. Angel Hugs all around.

And to answer your question about PPP, I straight up just forgot he existed akshshshs. I’ll be brainstorming some stuff about him soon. Love you lots 💞💞💞💕

[twilightofthe]

For the Star Wars questions- 16 & 19. :)

Thank you!!! (y’all this got ridiculously long for two damn questions lol)

Send me a number and i’ll tell u my fave/least fave:

16. Book/Comic (Aight, so I’m actually not a huge comic reader in general, most of my comic knowledge comes from other fans on here posting about them, so this is gonna be mainly book-focused)

FAVE:  Welllllll, since I’m literally incapable of narrowing down my favorite anythings, I’m gonna do faves for both canon and EU novels.  

Canon-wise, it’s a tie beween A New Dawn and Ahsoka.  I know I don’t post about them as much on here, but I truly have a super soft spot for Kanera and Kanan and Hera’s characters, they’re just so GOOD and I love themmmmm aaaaaaaaa.  You get super good insights to how Kanan was running wild and traumatized and trying to repress everything and how Hera was a little naïve but still tough as nails and she had a dream and she was going to make it happen or so help her, ugh I just love how the story showed how they’re strongest as a team working together and I just love character dynamics where the two are so obviously married and kinda snark at each other sometimes but they have each other’s backs through everything and know each other like the back of their hands and uggghhhh this is just such a healthy good ship and such a good book.  The Ahsoka novel is just fantastic all on its own because it shows Ahsoka as a young adult, kinda floundering and lost in this new world, full of guilt over what happened with Anakin and the Order, trying to do what she can to help people and just enduring because she’s a survivor, she was raised (by two argumentative, adoptive parents who love her very much SO SAYETH THE BOOK) to be a survivor and handle herself, but that doesn’t mean she’s not lonely as all hell.  And oof I just fucking adore Kaeden Larte and her relationship with Ahsoka (who absolutely comes back and marries her once the war is over oh yes) and her relationship with Miara and ugh just all of it is A+++++.  E.K. Johnston is just an amazing author in general and her other book, Queen’s Shadow is one of my two canon runner ups because I am in love with her Sabé and her Padmé.  Other canon runner up is A Certain Point Of View, if only for the “Time of Death” chapter.  Don’t get me wrong, the rest of it is also fantastic, but oh god it kills me DEAD OBI WAN DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER AND I CRY I REALLY CRY

EU-wise (oh god, I haven’t even gotten to least-faves yet), it has to be the Revenge of the Sith novelization.  Without a question.  Y’all it’s SO FUCKIN’ good, and in my personal opinion should be considerrred canonnnnnn (look I think the reason they gave for excluding it is that there’s no mention of Ahsoka or Rex or Mandalore or any of the stuff that happened literally the day before which is valid, but I counterpoint that Anakin is a mess with A Lot Going On At The Moment, he could have just forgot?  He forgets most of his morals, all of his common sense, and three of his limbs by the end of the story, Snips could have just slipped his mind! xD).  Anyway, besides the fact that it’s like 99% written in Obikin-colored glasses which really just makes me happy as a person because I love it being acknowledged just how important they are to each other, it really offers a deeper insight INSIDE the chaos going on in Anakin’s head, the mess, just why he falls so quickly and so awfully.  I love it gives the Padmé plot that got cut on screen some validity.  The beautiful beginning and the goddam introductions to Anakin Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi are just A++++++++++++++ and oof other people can more accurately describe just how good this book is, but I love it a Big Lot ok?

LEAST FAVE:  Okey doke, here we go....  So firstly for canon, I’m not the biggest fan of how Claudia Grey writes Leia’s character.  She’s a wonderful storyteller and I love her worldbuilding, but just the way she characterizes Leia herself never felt... right, ya know?  Idk, I can’t really explain it, but it makes it difficult for me to enjoy her Leia novelsWarning right now that this is a VERY unpopular opinion and my opinion alone, please do not yell at me!  So as skilled and admired an author Timothy Zahn is, I don’t like the Thrawn books.  I’m sorry, I don’t.  To me, Thrawn is just.... ok so he’s like BBC!Sherlock but in space.  The plot makes a big deal about how “oooh cool and intelligent and Literally Better Than Everyone Else” Thrawn is, but the only way they really show his “cleverness” is by either him solving problems by pulling together information that literally no one but the writer knows and then acting like it was oh so obvious and in front of everyone OR, the story dumbs down other characters to make him look smart.  And maybe it was because the one Thrawn book goes after Anakin/Vader in particular to do the latter is what kinda ticked me off on Thrawn books in general, but y’all, it really ticked me off, because Anakin is like the lowest hanging fruit for an author to pick to make their character look good in comparison, and therefore it is done All The Time (LOOKING AT YOU, CLONE WARS), which I think is lazy and an insult to Anakin’s character.  Look, I am fully aware Anakin Skywalker is a dolt to the highest degree sometimes, but he is ALSO A GENIUS.  He is SMART.  IT IS CANON THAT HE IS SMART.  So when the Thrawn book has Thrawn constantly one-upping Anakin The Useless Doofus (and Padmé a bit!!!) and then doing it again once he meets him as Vader, that just makes me hmmmm.

The canon comics are actually gonna be featured on the list here a bit because if y’all don’t already know my hatred for That One Particular Vader Comic (not the rest of the series run as I have not read it and from what I hear, it’s excellent and I’d probs like it a lot) doing the implication in a dream sequence where it says that Palpatine used the Dark Side to impregnate Shmi and create Anakin, well I HATE IT.  Look, I know the plot was literally about Sidious trying to mess with Vader’s head and that dream shouldn’t be trusted, but it fooled all the fans too and now like 60% of Star Wars fans actually believe Sidious fathered Anakin and I am so damn tired of hearing about that.  Yeah, now that Reylo is canon, that comic’s authors are trying to do damage control by saying that no, Sidious isn’t Anakin’s father and Rey and Ben are not second cousins, but they’re still being mysterious about it and “oh well it COULD be this--” so now there’s just more fans who are digging into that theory just because they don’t like Reylo and I don’t really care for the ship either but I really HATE the entire “Born of the Dark” concept for reasons I can explain more separately, so I’m pissy at that particular comic for spawning it.  I know it’s petty but I do.

EU-wise, well, this is gonna be unpopular too, cuz I haven’t read most of the EU stuff, and from what I’ve heard of it, there doesn’t seem to be much that I WOULD like.  The movie novelizations all seem good, but everything else???  “Obi Wan prequels but guess what, he had a shitty childhood too!” uh, no thanks, the rest of his life sucks enough, I want to see him happy.  “Mandalorian worldbuilding, but they’re all a bunch of stoic, overpowered badasses who are Good At Everything And Better Than Literally Everyone and the plot bashes the Jedi left right and center!” ehhhhhhhh pass.  “What happened after Return of the Jedi, except the Skywalkers still don’t get a happy ending because the galaxy goes to war again, Han and Leia’s son turns evil, Luke Suffers, and Palpatine comes back again!” nah, that sounds too depressing-- oh wAIT :) :) :)(at least the EU actually lets Han and Leia grow old and happy together okay okay that’s enough sequel salt for one day)

19. Outfit

FAVE:  Everything Padmé Amidala wears in the movies.  No I will not narrow it down.  I am in love with her whole wardrobe and I want it. 

 I also love the standard Jedi tunics and tabards and cloak (c’mon, the cloak completes the picture!)  It’s just such a signature and unique look that’s supposed to combine medieval European knight tunics and samurai warrior clothing and just the #aesthetic is oof, just wonderful.

Also Sabine Wren’s armor and its various paint jobs.  It’s just so uniquely her and bright and beautiful and badass in all its stages and yes good I like it.

Also Lando Calrissian’s cloaks!  Swooshy and colorful and good!  I love cloaks!  

LEAST FAVE:  Gonna go with my petty, silly ones first, and those are all of Padmé Amidala’s outfits that are only seen in the The Clone Wars TV show (so not the ones that were based off of movie costumes).  Eh, actually three of them were nice, her orange outfit she visits Mina in, her white casual housedress, and her black slinky Clovis dress.  All of her other series-only outfits made me highkey pissy because they were either A.) Wrong for the situation she was in, B.) Defied the laws of physics and should not have held the shape they did/stayed on her body, or C.) just plain UGLY (the highest crime of all), and for the animators to have the audACITY to put any of those things in the mere vicinity of the most stylish woman in the galaxy is an insult to Padmé, an insult to ME, and an insult to Star Wars as a whole (yes, I am mostly joking, but come on!).  No, I will not give the designers the excuse of clothing being difficult and expensive and time consuming to animate because I have SEEN the fancy, PRETTY outfits of the other ladies of Padmé’s status on the show.  Everything Satine Kryze wore was intricately beautiful as all hell and I loved it.  Riyo Chuchi’s two outfits were lovely and fashionable.  Heck, I’m pretty sure I liked Mina Bonteri’s outfit too.  There were tons of people on that show with stylish clothing!  How hard would it have been for the animators to remember Padmé doesn’t wear exposed midriffs on official government business?  That dresses with no sides or back cannot be sleeveless or they will not stay up?  Not give her hairstyles that looked like either a goddam tuning fork or like Jimmy Neutron’s mother?  That beige jumpsuits are BORING and adding a mauve vest is NOT enough to make it exciting!!!! xD xD xD 

Aight, now in more seriousness, I also hated both of Ahsoka’s outfits in the original TCW show.  Enough people have spoken on why sending a fourteen year old into an active warzone in a tube top and miniskirt is a BAD IDEA, but like it just makes me extra mad when you remember her older and more experienced at Not Getting Pulverized Masters were both in full concealing robes and chest and shoulder and shin armor, so you can’t even pass it off as Jedi not getting hurt as easily.  Her updated outfit was only slightly an improvement because her Masters STILL got at least fully covering robes and arm bracers, while Ahsoka still had her entire back exposed, leg holes exposing valuable arteries and stuff, and a goddam boob window that basically signals “shoot me here”.  Look, I know the animators goofed, and I know how they have learned from it because from Rebels on, they never show her as improperly covered for battle, in the new TCW season both outfits are cute and practical too, but seeing her running around in her red outfits actively impeded and took me out of my watching experience because I was cringing over her having a lack of protection, that it made her that much more vulnerable to injury.

Finally just gotta give a standard raised finger to the Slave Leia Bikini.  Carrie Fisher hated it so I do too.

[tessatechaitea]

Teen Titans Spotlight #14: Nightwing

So that's why I finally dropped this series: they dropped the "on:".

You might have forgotten that the biggest gang in Gotham in 1987 were the Jewish Surrealists.

I don't even care how many people don't know what the fuck I'm on about. Did you know this world is on fire? Batman is busting a cocaine shipment into Gotham in the prologue of this comic book. According to the cover, he's about to be crucified. I guess the Jewish Surrealists are still micro-managed by Caesar's Hand. Speaking of unbelievable things in comics (this segue works because I believe I was speaking about it fifteen hundred commentaries ago when Nightwing drove a motorcycle up the wall of a building), how does Batman always wind up unconscious and in some form of complicated trap and yet, in all the time it takes to put him there, nobody ever takes the mask off. Not one henchman is curious? Not one henchman binding Batman to the cross ever thinks, "If I knew Batman's identity, I could quit this henchman gig, sell the information, and retire"? I don't believe it. My theory is that thousands of henchmen have tried this plan but Alfred intercepted all of the blackmail notices, hired Jason Bard to find who sent them, and then hired Tommy Monaghan to kill them. I would just like it on the record that I spelled Tommy's last name correctly before looking it up. The Jewish Surrealists capture Batman because they had a sniper with a tranquilizer gun on overwatch during the deal. Batman gets drugged, blackjacked, and spit upon before nobody thinks to take off his mask.

At least I hope that's spit.

I guess if that isn't spit, I now understand why nobody took his mask off.

"Are ya kiddin' me, Rudy?! Put yer fuckin' dick away and help me schlep this bastard into tha van! The boss can take tha fuckin' mask off. Ugh."

Alfred calls up Dick Grayson when Bruce doesn't show up for morning stitches. Dick sighs, hangs up the phone, and goes off to do a literally thankless job because Batman thinks expecting people to be there for him is the same thing as gratitude. I hate complaining about the art because I never complain about the art. So when I finally complain about the art, that means I really fucking think the art sucks. And, well, I'm complaining about the art now.

"Fuck dinosaur references! I got this!" -- Stan Woch

This is some of Woch's earliest work with DC so I shouldn't be too hard on him. Plus he's still alive and he might read this. Although wouldn't it be worse if I were criticizing the work of a dead man? Also, he draws a pretty decent studio apartment and jizz dribble. Nightwing heads off to save Batman even though he knows Batman doesn't need saving. If Batman seems to need saving, it's only because Batman misses Nightwing and this is the only way he can see him without admitting that he misses him. "Oh no!" says Batman as he tries to remember what it's like to feel sleepy from tranquilizers or to feel concussed from a blackjack to the back of the head. "My legs are all, um, wobbly? I'm, um, falling now, right? OH! I'm helpless! I just peed a little too!" Then he lets the bad guys kidnap him and waits for Alfred to worry way too soon and call for backup. And of course Batman would choose a night when Jason Todd is off in California and Superman is off on Oa and Wonder Woman has her anniversary dinner with Steve Trevor.

Oh, just because he's suddenly half-robot, I'm supposed to believe some high school football star can now design high tech contact lenses?! Fuck you, comic books.

Dick finds a vial of acid left behind as Batman as a clue to who murdered him. I mean kidnapped him, probably! Who would kill Batman when they had the chance? I mean if they actually had a chance and Batman wasn't completely faking and ready to start breaking kneecaps the second somebody tugs at his cowl or tries to put a bullet in his brain. Anyway, the acid vial reminds Dick of that one case which was the only one ever in which Batman used a vial of acid which leads him to Drakkar, a Gotham drug lord. This is less evidence that Batman was in trouble and realized Nightwing would come looking for him and more evidence that Batman wasn't in trouble at all and was expecting Nightwing to come looking for him because Batman misses him.

With all the Batman themed stuff in this picture, that marquee obviously says Debbie Does Batman.

Nightwing threatens to beat up some cowardly punk named Skates who Batman apparently beats up every time he needs information. And even though Skates always gives up the information, he somehow hasn't been killed by any other Gotham criminal. Skates tells Nightwing that Batman is going to be killed at midnight in the graveyard. It's going to be a huge party. But instead of thinking, "I'll go to the graveyard and stop this!", Dick wastes precious time tailing Skates hoping he'll lead him to Batman or Drakkar. When Nightwing loses him due to Nightwing's fandom crowding around him, Nightwing thinks, "Wait. What did Skates say? Oh yeah! He gave me everything I needed to know! But now it's so close to midnight, I might not make it in time! Shoot!" Drakkar's plan is to auction off the right to unmask Batman and put a bullet in his brain. So, you know, almost the plan I proposed when they first knocked him unconscious! Stupid greedy thugs! Now Drakkar won't be rid of Batman or rich because Nightwing has found him! And he saves Batman in the nick of time! Time for hugs and demonstrations of familial love and intimacy!

Oh Batman!

Nightwing should know Batman cares because he didn't disappear the instant Nightwing looked away. Batman does smile at the end but not until Dick leaves. Only the reader gets to know Batman is capable of the tiniest bit of joy! And that joy probably wasn't due to Nightwing telling Batman that he's proud to have been Robin. The joy was probably in getting away with not thanking somebody for saving him yet again. Teen Titans Spotlight #14: Nightwing Rating: C+. If I had written this issue, it would have been from Batman's point of view. And all along the way, Batman would be thinking things like, "I'll drop this acid vial which will remind Dick of the Great Dragon caper which will lead him to Drakkar and the subway graveyard where I'm certain Drakkar will take me to kill me!" Then Batman will think, "I bet Dick and Alfred are brainstorming how to find me right now!" And later, as the gun is being put to Batman's head, he'd be all, "The lights should go out just about now! Dick will save me in the nick of time which I'll totally razz him over. Should I say, 'Cutting it pretty close, Boy Wonder' or 'Jason would have been here five minutes sooner'?" Then the final panel of Batman's life will be a bullet passing through his head as he's unmasked. The final page would show Dick Grayson sitting in his apartment listening to Cat's in the Cradle with the phone off the hook.

[galadrieljones]

A Funeral: Chapter 17 (Arthur Morgan x Mary Beth Gaskill)

Fandom: Red Dead Redemption 2 | Pairing: Arthur x Mary Beth | Rating: Mature

Content: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Touch-Starved, Humor, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Angst, Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Fake Marriage, Epiphanies, Backstory, Banter, Deep Emotions, Sharing a Bed, Swimming, Arthur to the Rescue, Forests, Abduction, Angst, Heavy Angst, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Sexual Content, Sexual Themes, Adult Content, Canon Divergence, Found Families, Brotherhood, Fatherhood

Summary: To help her process Sean’s death, Mary Beth asks Arthur to take her on a hunting trip, somewhere far away. He agrees, and on their journey, they find quietude and take comfort in their easy bond. They’ve been friends for a while now, but life is full of uncertainty and complications, and in their desperate search for meaning together, they endure a number of trials, some small, some big—all of which bring them closer to the insidious dangers of the natural world, as well as to one another, and to their future.

Credit to @bearly-tolerable for the banner! Art is my own.

***For the rest of this story, you can visit the masterpost or AO3, both linked in the replies to this post and also at my blog.***

Chapter 17: The Sons

“You wanna talk about me and Arthur?” said Mary Beth, looking down at her hands. Abigail was holding them real tight.

“It’s so romantic," said Abigail. "I been hoping for this, Mary Beth.”

“You have?”

“Of course,” said Abigail. “The two of you together—you’re so right for each other. With the books and the poetry and all that. Now what happened on that trip of yours? Tell me.”

Mary Beth got a little bashful. "A lot happened."

“Like what?"

Mary Beth smiled and gave her a look. “How much do you think I'm gonna spill?"

"As much as you're willing."

Mary Beth's cheeks felt very red.

Abigail became tender then, and kind, like she was reading the moment. “It's no bother,” she said. “I'm just so happy for you. And I just—Arthur. He’s so…stoic, you know? So strong and silent. Mysterious. What’s he like, all close like that? I’m just being nosy. You don't have to tell me anything, but I got to ask.”

“He's just...Arthur," said Mary Beth, a little shy. She was embarrassed in a way. "You know?"

“Not really," said Abigail.

Mary Beth was confused. She felt stupid all of a sudden, flustered. "Oh," she said, realizing. "I—I'm such a moron. I'm sorry, Abigail."

"What, you thought I slept with him?"

Mary Beth nodded, kind of sheepish. "I shouldn't have assumed."

Abigail laughed, at herself more than anything. She looked away, still holding Mary Beth's hands. "You got every reason to assume," she said. "And I ain't ashamed. Not no more. But I never took a turn with Arthur, Mary Beth. Not once. I swear."

Outside, you could hear people talking, getting to work on the day. The sounds of chickens and metal clanging. Mary Beth sighed. "I'm sorry," she said.

"Don't be sorry."

"It's good to know, I guess," said Mary Beth. "Not that it really matters."

“We was only ever friends,” said Abigail, real earnest. “And it does matter. I understand. In any case, he's a different man now than he was when I met him. Things have changed so much."

"You mean for Arthur?"

“Of course." Abigail sighed. “You know, that year I got here, it was just a year or so before you got here."

"I know."

"You missed the worst of it. Lucky you. But back then, Arthur was...kind of a mess. You know about Mary Gillis?”

"Mary Gillis?" said Mary Beth. "Yeah. I mean, everybody does."

“Well, when I showed up, they had just ended things. For good. And he was so goddam busted up about it. I never seen a man wallow and brood like that, and with it, he was a fuckin derelict drunk.”

"A drunk?"

“Now don’t get me wrong,” continued Abigail. “He was a chivalrous drunk. He was still Arthur. Never raised his voice to no woman, certainly never imposed on no woman physically. But he drank, and he kept to himself. And when he didn’t, he was just getting in fuckin brawls in the saloons, and punching holes in pianos and getting thrown in jail for drunk and disorderly. Once when Hosea went to bust him free, he said he just wanted to die there. Wouldn't budge. Hosea literally put him on a salvaged barn door, tied it to the back of his horse, and drug him back to camp like a invalid. He made Uncle look sober that day.”

Mary Beth was surprised, but also somewhat amused. She didn't know why. It wasn't funny. But something about the image, looking back, knowing how things turned out, that made it less pressing somehow. ”Arthur punched a hole in a piano?” she said.

”Yeah,” said Abigail. “He did. Bloodied his hand something awful, too. But for all them antics, Arthur was never the type to buy a working girl. I mean, I'm sure he has, at one point or another, but as a general rule, he's got plenty of vices, it's just that none of them has ever been women."

"I know that," said Mary Beth. "I mean, he told me that."

"I was truly sad for him, in those days," said Abigail, "the better I got to know him, seeing how he'd been done. He didn't deserve that, getting so messed up over some uppity bitch trying to get above her station. Or, well, that's what Miss Grimshaw used to call her. Arthur has always been good to me and Jack. He protected us—that year John disappeared, he made sure we was taken care of, every day. He listened to me. He supported me. He's a good man.”

Mary Beth was just staring, listening. She was grateful for Abigail's honesty and her kindness and her earnest nature. “Thank you for telling me," said Mary Beth. "About you and him. And I'm sorry again, for assuming like I did. I guess I just got...kind of nervous."

“Why?"

“Because I ain’t so experienced.” Mary Beth looked away, out the window, to where the birds were singing. There was a quiet breeze coming in off the river now, too, cooling things down.

“That would never matter to Arthur," said Abigail. "And there's different kinds of experience. Trust me."

“I mean, it’s not like he was my first or anything," Mary Beth continued, "but he might as well’ve been, in some respects. I mean, a man like Arthur? I just got insecure for a minute that you’d—you know…”

“That I’d been there first?”

“Sort of.”

“Well, it ain’t true.”

Mary Beth smiled. She was, in truth, relieved, though she did not make a show of it. “Did Arthur ever propose to Mary?” she said.

“He did,” said Abigail. “He’d bought a ring and everything. And I believe she said yes at first, but then she broke it off. Kept the ring and everything."

“Jesus Christ,” said Mary Beth.

“Yeah,” said Abigail. “But none of that matters now.”

“The drinking,” said Mary Beth. “Is that why he don’t get drunk much no more? But for seldom occasions, I guess.”

“Probably,” said Abigail. “It weren’t pretty.”

Mary Beth sighed.

“You really love him, don’t you?” said Abigail. “I can see it in your eyes. He's caught your heart. You worry about him.”

“I do love him,” said Mary Beth. “He’s easy to love.”

“It’s just so romantic,” said Abigail.

Mary Beth felt herself relax a little then. Her shoulders loose. She studied Abigail’s hands. They were clean. The nails were very clear. “He’s real giving,” she said, suddenly wanting to open up, to talk.

"Like how?" said Abigail.

“In all sorts of ways," said Mary Beth. "Generous. With talking, and touching. He never told me about that drinking thing, but I get why. It’s of no consequence. He told me so much else. Sad things. Real sad. He has all of these…layers. I see it sometimes, like he’s so nervous that I’m just gonna…disappear. He’s such a good man. He’s smart and his brain is so strong and it works so fine. I just want him to know this, you know? Sometimes I get the sense that he don’t love himself, not like he should. You know?”

“I get it.”

“I know people think I’m some sort of dippy idiot,” Mary Beth continued. “That all I do is walk around with my head in the clouds. But it ain’t like that with Arthur. It’s like having my feet on the ground for the first time, and not feeling like I gotta run from nothing. Like I’m safe. And I don’t just mean physically. I mean like—in my soul.”

Abigail was breathless, put a piece of hair behind Mary Beth’s ear in a sisterly fashion. “That’s beautiful,” she said.

“Anyway,” said Mary Beth, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden. “I’ve talked enough about myself. You get it.”

“Has he asked you to marry him?”

“No,” said Mary Beth. “We ain’t discussed marriage. I think though—I think with Arthur, that’s sort of implied.”

“How many of his babies you gonna have?”

Mary Beth blushed. Her face got hot. She took back her hands to push the hair off her cheeks. “As many as I can.”

“He’ll be such a good daddy.”

“I know.”

Abigail sighed. She was so genuine in her happiness for them. She was this pure soul.

“You know,” said Abigail. “John is—he’s starting to come around, and I think it’s a lot because of Arthur.”

“That don’t surprise me.”

“Yeah. After Jack got taken by that fuckin snake, Angelo Whatever, and the boys went after him in the city, John changed. It was like—on a dime. He listens to me now. He’s here. He reads to Jack, though he ain’t no good. He tries. It’s sweet.”

“You still love him, don’t you, Abigail?”

Abigail straightened her skirt, looked down at her knees. “Of course,” she said. “I’m all bluster sometimes, but inside, I am a woman like any other. I am soft for that man. And him coming around like this, trying to be better, it’s made me miss him like I never knew I could.” She looked up then, hardened a little, but seeming desperate. “Do you think I’m a fool, Mary Beth? For having faith?”

Mary Beth was surprised by the question, the outpouring. She didn’t know that she was worthy to answer, but she tried anyway. “No,” she said, being as honest as she could. “Of course not. If anyone knows John, it’s you, Abigail. And if you got faith in him and the man he’s becoming, that’s all that matters.”

Abigail sat up a little, smiling after this, like she was relieved and so gracious. Her eyes got full, glassy. “Thank you,” she said.

“Any time.”

She wiped a quick tear from her cheek now. More seemed to be coming. “Gosh, I’m such a dumbass,” she said.

“No you ain’t.”

“Don’t go telling no one I’m saying these things,” Abigail went on. “I can’t have them all thinking I’ve done forgiven John Marston.”

“Why not?” said Mary Beth.

“Because it’s none of their goddam business,” she said, smiling now, stopping her crying. She sniffled a little, held Mary Beth’s hand again. “You can know though, Mary Beth. You understand.”

“I will always try.”

“Anyway,” said Abigail. “I hope I haven’t scared the shit out of you here. I didn’t mean to cloister you off and force you to confess your love for Arthur, and then start going off about my own complicated carryings-on with John Marston.”

Mary Beth laughed. “It’s fine,” she said. “It saved me a trip to go see Miss Grimshaw.”

Abigail waved her off then and became exasperated. “That woman needs a vacation.”

“She definitely does,” said Mary Beth.

They sat together as the breeze came in through the window, blowing their hair, making the air smell good.

Outside, Arthur chopped some firewood. The exertion made him feel clean and strong. He said hello to Cain, patted him on the head, and he said hello to Tilly and to Jack. They were happy to see him, sitting together beside one of the covered wagons, drawing pictures of trees and people on paper with crayons.

He found John then, drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette by the scout fire. He was silent and content, wearing a dark shirt with the sleeves rolled up, staring off into some infinite distance all by himself.

“Marston,” said Arthur, coming up along side him. He had his thumbs hooked through his belt loops, his hat on to guard his face from the southern sun.

“Arthur,” said John, flicking his cigarette. “You’re back.”

“That I am.”

“How was your trip?” He sipped his coffee. “You look rested.”

“Thank you,” said Arthur. “And the trip was fine. Just fine.”

“Good," said John.

“What are you up to?” said Arthur. "You got plans for the day?"

They both looked at the fire. Somewhere nearby, there was a sound in the trees. A boar went flying through, squealing like an idiot.

“Nothing much,” said John, studying the tip of that cigarette. “It’s warm today. I was thinking of maybe heading out in a bit, fishing some.”

“You know any good spots?” said Arthur.

“A couple. Javier gave me some tips last week. Nice and shady." He finished his coffee down to the sludge, dumped that out to the earth. "You wanna come?” he said.

Arthur nodded, regarding the warm air on his skin. “Sure,” he said. “Why not?” He lit a cigarette.

“Sounds good," said John. "Let me just go grab my gear and tell Abigail.”

“She’s, uh, she’s up in the house, with Mary Beth,” said Arthur, smoking. “You mention it to both of them, okay?”

John gave him a look, interested. He smiled. “Okay.”

They cut through Scarlet Meadows, north of Braithwaite Manor till they found a nice shady spot down the banks from Clemens Point. It was nearby to where Arthur had gone fishing once with Kieran, many months before when the world did not yet seem like it was coming to an end. Hitching their horses, they went along in a comfortable silence, Arthur carrying the tackle, John carrying a crate full of beer, each of them with their fishing rods resting on their shoulders.  

They set up with their boots close to the water. John cracked a couple bottles of beer and passed one to Arthur who took a long drink. It wasn’t cold, but it was good. They cast their lines with the beer bottles stuck in the sand. They fished like that, for a while. After some time with nothing biting, Arthur took a deep breath, and then John glanced over looking expectant. He reached for his beer, took a long drink, set it back in the sand.

“So,” said John, rocking back on his heels.

“So.”

“What’s going on with you and Mary Beth?” he said. “She your girl now?”

“She is,” said Arthur.

John smiled, kind of sly, squinting past the sun. Arthur was looking out at the water. “That’s great,” said John. “I'm happy for you two. How’d it happen?”

Arthur sighed, gently spinning the reel. “The trip, north. It just kind of...put things into perspective a little bit. We met with some danger up there, a lot of beauty, too. She makes it easy.”

“Makes what easy?”

“Living,” said Arthur.

John was looking at him, like he didn’t quite catch his drift.

But something bit on Arthur’s line then. They both flung their heads to see. John got big with excitement and encouraged him on as Arthur dug back into his heels and reeled in hard. After a minute or two, Arthur pulled in a real sturdy Steelhead. It must’ve weighed fourteen or fifteen pounds, a delightful catch.

“Look at that!” said John as Arthur steadied the fish. “We can cook that one up for the both of us.”

“And we shall,” said Arthur, smiling. He was proud of this one. He gave it a nice, hearty shake.

Once it quit the fight and its gills went steady, Arthur wrapped it up in a big cut of paper and went over to Sarah, stashing it on the back of her saddle. He dusted his hands, went back to the lake, picked up his beer and drank. He gestured to John, then to the water. “Your turn, brother.”

“I can’t top that,” said John, recasting.

“You never know until you try,” said Arthur.

John continued fishing. Arthur finished his beer, decided to cast out one more time. It was a fine temperature in the shade. Not too humid. The day felt good.

After a little while, John spoke. “Hey,” he said. "Arthur."

“What’s up.”

But then John got stopped up. He seemed stifled. He seemed like he was going to say something, something big and important, and then he choked.

“You were saying?” said Arthur.

“I just—I been thinking.”

“Thinking about what,” said Arthur.

“Thinking about…that year." He got quiet, lowered his voice like he was embarrassed. "That year I spent away. How it—how it weren’t right. How angry you were. After what happened to Jack, I been thinking about it a lot.”

“Is that so,” said Arthur.

“Yeah,” said John. “It is. And I just—I’m glad you’re here, with me now. So I can tell you.”

“Tell me what.”

“That I’m sorry,” said John.

They got steady, together. Arthur looked at him, but he was looking at his boots, in the sand. The fishing rod was sagging. He had all but abandoned it. Arthur pulled in his line, set the rod against his shoulder. “I appreciate that,” he said.

John swallowed something, hard, glanced up at Arthur very seriously, as if ashamed. “You took care of her,” he said. “While I was gone. You helped me get Jack back. You done nothing but look after me and mine over the years, and I just—thank you, Arthur.”

Arthur felt full up, heavy and still. He nodded, adjusted his hat, looked back out to the water. “You’re welcome,” he said.

“I just—” John continued. “At the time, I was so inside my own head, you know? I couldn’t see straight. I never understood why you were so goddam angry. Why the hell you cared so much.”

Arthur looked down at his boots.

“But I get it now,” said John. “I get it.”

“What do you get?” said Arthur.

“It wasn’t long after Mary, you losing her. What that did to you, and how it drug up bad things. Real bad things, Arthur. Maybe you don’t think I saw, but I remember. And seeing me, running out on Abigail, this little baby—it was like me, repeating your old mistakes, wasn’t it?”

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes, Marston,” said Arthur. “You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

“Eliza,” he said. “And Isaac.”

Arthur blinked, quickly, finished his beer, tossed the bottle to the water. He looked down. He said nothing.

“I’m sorry,” said John. “Arthur, I am.”

“It’s okay,” said Arthur, squaring up with him. “You’re a better man now. That’s what matters.”

“You are, too,” said John.

“Yeah well,” said Arthur, “Mary Beth keeps trying to convince me of that. I keep telling myself, if she thinks it’s true, then true it must be.”

They looked at each other, real earnest, like brothers.

Then, John lurched toward the lake as something bit on the line. “Oh, shit,” he said, nearly stumbling into the water. He steadied himself, reeling in perhaps a little too hard.

“Ease off the reel, Marston,” said Arthur. “Jesus Christ, you’re gonna break the line. Ain’t you fished before?”

“It’s strong,” said John.

“Guide it in,” said Arthur. “Real easy. Easy. Like that. There you go.”

“Like that?”

“Yep,” said Arthur, giving him a long look as he finally got the damn fish under control. “Patience is not your virtue.”

John smiled. “You’re right about that.”

He brought in the fish. It was another Steelhead, as big as Arthur’s catch, maybe bigger.

“Now look at that,” said Arthur, clapping him on the shoulder. “You did it. Nearly all by yourself.”

“Shut up, Arthur,” said John, but he was joking. He wrapped the fish. Together, they decided to call it quits. They built a little fire. Arthur cleaned up and fileted one of the trout, sprinkled it with salt and a little bit of ground pepper. He pan-fried it while John led the horses over to the water and opened a couple more bottles of beer. He came back and sat down across the fire from Arthur. When the fish was done, Arthur served them both. It was a fine lunch.

The sun was getting long over the water by now. It was afternoon. They leaned, looking at the water with their legs straight out. Some canoeists went by, a man and a woman who looked happily in love.

After a little while, Arthur spoke. “So,” he said. “How’s it been going. With Abigail.”

John sighed. “It’s going,” he said. He sat forward, plucked a couple long blades of grass from the earth, began shredding them between his fingers. “I been trying to get back there, you know? To where it was when it was good. She even looks at me now. Sometimes like she used to.”

“And how’s that?” said Arthur.

“Like she can stand me.”

Arthur laughed.

“How’s it with Mary Beth?” said John.

“It’s new, but we already know each other pretty well. So it’s steady, too.”

“I mean, the two of you? You’re perfect for each other if you ask me.”

“Why do you think so?”

“Because,” said John. “She’s kind of…you know.”

“She’s kind of what?” said Arthur, sipping his beer.

“She likes the things you like.”

“Which are?”

“Writing,” said John, tossing the pieces of grass to the fire. “Words and drawings and stories and all that. I think a girl like her, especially in a life like ours, that’s one in a million, Arthur. And she’s nice to boot.”

“That, she is,” said Arthur.

“Pretty, too.”

“You wanna marry her?” said Arthur. “Or, shall I?”

John laughed. “I’m just saying.”

“I know,” said Arthur. “And I appreciate it.” He finished off the beer. John popped the top off another, handed it to him with an absent mind. Arthur thanked him, cleared his throat. “You ever think about leaving?” he said.

John cracked another open for himself. “Leaving Shady Belle?”

“Leaving the gang,” said Arthur. “Packing up your family, getting lost.”

John paused, gave him a look, curious. “Have you?”

Arthur nodded, looked back out toward the water. He took a long drink. “Yes,” he said. He could almost picture it now. The more he said it out loud, the more real it seemed to become. “We are leaving," he went on. "Mary Beth and me. I don’t know exactly when, but soon. That's why I asked.”

The world seemed to get real quiet around them. If you listened close, you could hear the sounds of nature, birds and bugs and rushing water. “You and Mary Beth?” said John. “You’re gonna leave?”

“That’s right.”

“What’ll you do?”

“I don’t know,” said Arthur, peering down into the bottle. “Anything." He looked up, looked at John. "You know, you could come with us.”

“Me and Abigail and Jack?”

“That's right," he said. "You could come along, and our luck might be that much better.”

“You think?” said John. He was staring at Arthur, staring at him hard, listening really close, rapt.

“I do,” said Arthur. “Between you and me, we got a lot of know-how, plenty of skill. Mary Beth and Abigail, they’re capable women, and little Jack, well he won’t be little forever.”

“What are you thinking?” said John, taking a long drink. “Buying a ranch or something? Headed back west?”

“Not west,” said Arthur. “No, there’s too much unfinished business back there for us.”

“Then where?”

“North,” said Arthur.

“North?”

“The Midwest.”

This seemed to concern John at first. “I don’t wanna go back to Chicago. There's nothing there for me, Arthur.”

“Not Chicago,” said Arthur. “No, closer to the Mississippi. Wisconsin, maybe.”

“I ain’t never been to Wisconsin,” said John.

“Me neither,” said Arthur. “But I know somebody who spent time there in his youth, and I think there’s a life to be made. An honest life.”

John finished his beer. He chucked the bottle. He sat with his elbows resting on his knees. He seemed torn and contentious all of a sudden. Real young, thought Arthur. Still searching, cynical and unsure. “You really think we could make it work?” he said, looking at Arthur. “You and me? After years of living outside the law.”

“I ain’t saying it’ll be easy,” said Arthur. “It’ll take…patience. But it’s a possibility, and I think between the two of us, along with the girls, we could get it done.”

John nodded along. He was thinking about it. He was. “You’ve really thought about this.”

“I have,” said Arthur. “In truth, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I just never had a reason before.”

“You talked to Dutch? Hosea?”

“Only Hosea,” said Arthur. “He supports it. It was his idea I come talk to you.”

John hung his head. He closed his eyes. “And Dutch? What’s he gonna say?”

“The way I see it, John, we do this, he don’t have much of a choice.”

John sighed, real big. He was picking at the grass again. “This whole thing—it’s crazy,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Everything that’s happened,” said John. “Since Blackwater. I mean, how the hell did we end up in the goddam swamps?”

“I don’t know,” said Arthur. “But that’s part of the reason I need to get Mary Beth out of here. It’s too much goddam uncertainty for my comfort.”

“Is she pregnant?” said John, looking at him, in earnest.

Arthur took a drink, looked down at his hands. “She could be,” he said. “I don’t know. If she ain’t now, she will be soon. And I just—after what happened to Jack. That was a best case scenario. You realize that, John, don’t you? It could’ve been a whole lot worse.”

“You mean like, not getting him back?”

“That’s exactly what I mean.”

John straightened up then, his jaw real firm. The day was already getting on. Some ducks and geese had come to float in the water. The fire was low. “What does Mary Beth think?” he said.

“She’s ready,” said Arthur. “She don’t push me, but I know she’s done with this place. It ain’t for her.”

“It ain’t for Abigail either,” said John. “And it definitely ain’t for Jack.”

Arthur sighed. Together, they watched the ducks, cleaning and pruning their feathers in the dark water. They thought about life, and madness, and what it would take to get gone with the wind.

“Let me talk to Abigail,” said John.

Arthur nodded, finishing his beer. “You do that.”

[buddaimond]

By Phil de Semlyen. on November 10 2017                                      

Q&A (Rob’s quotes in bold)

Q: The film’s directed by the Safdie brothers. I heard you spotted a picture from one of their other films online and basically cold-called them, then they wrote this film for you. Is that true?

‘It’s weird, Josh [Safdie] talked about this earlier: “I looked at the photo you were talking about and it was just a photo of an actress’s face!” It was from their film “Heaven Knows What” and I just had this feeling about it, so I sent them a couple of emails saying I was down to do anything.’

‘Good Time’ is set in a very specific New York world. Did you dive deep into that?

‘I spent a whole day in character. I’d never done anything like that before. Benny [Safdie, who plays his brother] and I spent a day in Yonkers, hanging out in Dunkin’ Donuts and meeting people he knew. We went to a couple of prisons too.’

Were there any ‘Twilight’ fans among the inmates?

‘There was one. We’d been there for five or six hours and no one had any idea who I was, but as we were leaving via this elevator full of inmates, 
I could feel this guy staring at me. I went, “What?” and he just looks at me and goes, [puts on a broad Queens accent] “Fuckin’ ‘Twilight’!” [laughs]. Suddenly everyone in this elevator is staring at me. I’m literally going: “I don’t know what he’s talking about.” It was terrifying.’

There must have been some weird on-set moments, too. There’s a scene where a dye pack explodes in your car, for instance.

‘I had really bad bronchitis – it was freezing in New York at the time – and I basically breathed in an enormous amount of red paint. What I was spitting out for about three weeks afterwards was just insane.’

The feel of the film reminds me of those ’70s classics like ‘The French Connection’ – filming out on the city streets but not necessarily with all the relevant paperwork…

‘We filmed a robbery scene but we didn’t have permission to shoot outside the bank, only inside. We had masks on and there were cops everywhere. It looked like we were actually robbing a bank. I sent Josh this video a few days ago of a guy who’d been filming a scene like the one in “Good Time” and the police had shot at him.’

What made you want to get into acting in the first place?

‘I joined this little amateur theatre company in Barnes, I think specifically because I fancied this girl. I’d had no interest in acting until then but one audition broke the seal. It was so scary: I hadn’t sung, danced or acted in front of anyone, and suddenly I was doing all three in this audition for “Guys and Dolls”. I wanted the Frank Sinatra part. I think I got cast as a Cuban dancer [laughs].’

Was that a formative experience?

‘A lot of people there took it extraordinarily seriously and I wasn’t really accepted into that group, so that was massively formative. [Puts on petulant voice] “I’m a fucking outsider!” I went to America before quite a few of my peers for the same reason: I didn’t feel like I fitted in with the English theatre crowd. Also, I got fired from a play and got pissed off with everybody.’

Your career kicked off with two huge franchises, ‘Harry Potter’ and ‘Twilight’, but you haven’t gone back down the blockbuster route. If there was a part in, say, ‘Star Wars’, would you take it?

‘Sure, yes. I love those movies and everyone wants those parts. I feel like it’s quite a helpful thing for a career to be consistent. If you go: I’m going to do something really crazy, but then do something really conservative, I don’t think it really works. It’s taken a long time but now people are going, “Oh, you do quite oddball things.”’

Has your relationship with ‘Twilight’ changed 
over the years?

‘I mean, kind of. I feel like I’ve always had the 
same answer. It was fun and it’s not like I signed up on an eight-picture deal, I knew it was finite. 
I had to be 17, there were only four books and there weren’t going to be any more. The only time it felt negative was when people were waiting outside my house a few years ago.’

Do you still get ‘R-Patz’ shouted at you?

‘That’s the one thing: why some people end up with a moniker and some don’t. It’s really unfair that I ended up with a moniker [laughs].’

‘Harry Potter and the Cursed Child’ is on at the moment in London. Have you seen it?

‘I haven’t yet, but I really want to. It is strange for me because that feels like a lifetime ago.’

Your old character plays a big part in it. 
Do you feel at all possessive of Cedric Diggory?

‘Not really. Even with “Twilight”, I’d be curious if someone else played it. It was so nice to be a part of it. That, more than anything, changed my life. It’s the reason I didn’t go to university.’

‘Harry Potter’ stopped you from going to uni?

‘It went so far over schedule, I couldn’t go. It was supposed to be four months, but it ended up being ten or 11. I’d turn up to set every day but not work for weeks at a time [because he wasn’t needed for filming]. I was 17 and I was the only person who wasn’t in school. I’d just hang about.’

Does London still feel like home to you?

‘I split my time between here and LA, but London is still my favourite city. I don’t think I could stay in the same place for more than six months, though. I don’t have any nesting instinct.’

Can you walk around town easily?

‘I’m always walking around everywhere – although I walk like a maniac. I cycle everywhere in London, which I really miss when I’m in LA.’

What are your cultural haunts?

‘I’m completely out of touch, it’s terrible. I used to get so panicky in public areas, and I’m only just starting to get over it. I went to Tate Modern for the first time three months ago – the Giacometti exhibition, which was incredible.

Do you find it hard to take holidays?

‘That’s the other weird thing about acting: you’re constantly worried about being unemployed.’

Hollywood knows how to throw a party. 
Do you enjoy that side of the job?

‘It’s fun. Performers get nervous about people seeing their true selves, so they either hide away or perform at all times. It’s fascinating to go to a party with people who’ve all decided to be “on”. The Met Ball… oh my God! Everything is dialled up to 15.’

Doesn’t part of you fancy sitting in the corner 
and having a quiet pint?

‘You just have to commit to it. That one's tough, though.’

‘Good Time’ has got some Oscar buzz, so there may be a few more big bashes ahead…

‘Even when we were doing this movie, I had no idea what was going to happen with it – it was so tiny. It’s been one of the craziest journeys.’

[negativefate]

rambling stream of consciousness essay i wrote to myself dec 29, 2014

listening to harsh noise music while driving down the highway i had just taken off at 630 from my house and before that woken up at 5 to get ready and finish cleaning the last set of things and before that leaving a party at kevins house and not telling anyone that i wasn't going to be there for new years and causing disappointment and before that seeing a show at dead leaf with a great 8bit band at the end and before that walking back and forth to the liquor store to get some beer and before that awkwardly getting dinner after my cousin came to visit when we probably should have gotten dinner with them and then before that i am cleaning up the basement again, organizing stupid cables, making a couple old devices work which is fun, but is it worth the time spent even? if not, then is my time on this planet even fucking worth it or am i just making trash like i believe these actual physical well designed objects that come to my home are so jump to me landing in kansas city and here i put on a tape just to get in the mood again i get there only an hour after landing i clumsily look up directions to get to jacks house on my phone i find there’s a bus that gets me there for fuckin a dollar fifty and i give them 2 and they give me a ticket for 50 cents back i ride the bus and i'm pretty tired for lack of sleep, and we drive through some weird semi industrial areas that are sparsely developed yet there are people getting on and off the bus fairly consistently i almost don't even notice who is getting on and off and at one point i look back to the back of the bus and see that i don't remember hardly any of the people getting on one person is looking back at me with a mousey face i typify some of these midwest people's looks certain women especially have a certain look that just reminds me of various nondescript porn actresses or something i start reading a economics book and it talks about oil prices and how scarcity reflects prices and is a major signal to the economy it is an interesting point of view but i look for holes in the logic because it seems obviously presenting a plain vewpoint it is clear that the US for example doesn't give a fuck about scarcity or perhaps the signalling system is so degraded that there is a runaway development the roads are overbuilt the cars are overrunning the roads if i take the face value economic view that this is a supply and demand problem i see it as a very perverse value system that rewards wasting they clearly even mention that soviet economies have gross inefficiencies and if we reflect on our own inefficiency it's clear to see that we are not perfect i feel that the author should have made this more clear i notice that i passed a street that i saw on my map (wyanadote) and while i didn't think it was "already" time to get off, several people are standing for several city blocks instead of sitting waiting to get off therefore I realize perhaps we're at a central location and certainly we are I stumble a couple blocks from the "main transit center" to another crossing on wyanodote, and i pass several office buildings with retail space that is broken down on the first floors first an eye doctor shop, filled with eye product ads but being torn to pieces otherwise then a sandwich shop, with dark cloudy windows and closed signs and a vibe of a previous generations comfort food when i reach the bustop at the streets that i had spotted on my map i was pleased and the troost bus came almost instantly i didn't understand how to scan my transfer so the lady did it for me, and i was acting bashful she was wondering if i knew it was the troost bus and i said yes i was wondering if that question was loaded i rode the bus in the front and looked at all the people that got on and off as we went towards jacks house we passed a row of two story townhouses that were red and white and repetitive that just looked like a dead end life situation for successful people i remembered my talk with my dad about retirement plans and investing money and about how i was literally thinking of blowing my brains out rather than do that and how i was yet again thinking about suicide in the bus i didn't even take it seriously but the vividness of me blowing my fucking head off was really awful i finally started recognizing some troost landmarks and scrambled off the bus i gave my ticket to a guy that wanted a transfer and he lamented being late for the bus that i just got off i don't know how to respond to this very well but wished him luck i walked up to jacks house and there are birds and squirrels and life just running wild there it is bright and sunny though a bit chilly (maybe 40 deg) and all these animals just were simply flourishing i walk inside through a couple closed doors and find my keys in the decorative chicken ornament i was surprised to also find several condoms inside the chicken, which was really amusing (e.g. the rooster...cock...haha) then i sat for a minute and petted the cat i wondered why the cat wasn't outside killing all the abundant wildlife whatever i was wearing three jackets because i was convinced that frontier would charge me for stuffing my jacket in my backpack and making it oversized in reality they didn't appear to care but they charge 50 dollars for a goddamn carry on that wasn't declared so i didn't risk it so i take off several layers and start my car i find where i left several of the christmas presents that I had meant to bring back home in the trunk and sort of kick myself for it i consider taking my car to a dealership to get it fixed up but have no idea where i also consider getting some food somewhere but decide to just hit the road i'm fairly tired still so i decide the stop off at fast food a couple miles out of town during the ride i am listening to some shitty talk radio about some guys that are talking about their "online trading academy" for stock trading i pull over and get some mountain dew, burrito and gasoline. slurping reality blub sucker is all i am at that moment. i do a couple stretches but it doesn't really feel very good. i am still listening to the radio in the parking lot and i notice that they replay recorded segments of themselves suggesting it is not at all a live show. at that point i decide it's time to blast the "white eye of winter" cassette and just start driving. i decide intentionally to start making stream of consciousness analogies to the noises instead of just letting it wash over me in some nonverbal stupidity i realize music journalists are probably better than me at this but i take some interest in just naming the feelings that i get so I'll repeat that hear a full spectrum white wash starts and then quickly gets crushed into a rumbling full force debase attack that's totally intentional about getting a skull crushing sound "large numbers of priests that were administrating the gulags were arrested and presumed killed" "others were sent to the labor camps...and suffered more slowly...assumed to be part of stalins fringe" a demented drum sound with a short delay time and extremely high feedback pounds and is absorbed by a sea-worthy hiss that fuzzes out and pounds once again to a deep drum a wind swept saturation takes hold and kills everything around it dead leaves litter the ground like there was never life anyways a thin veneer on the surface of our planet oscillations that never even really meant anything the dark fades away...like a comet that is completely grey....without color next a dirty fucking liquid sounds like it's being squeezed through a rubber feeding tube and a vaguely operatic chorus sings in the background, lulliby for a screaming nightmare some full bodied drone hovers over the chorus and takes the 17th century in it's arms and lays it gently to rest, taking each of the sharp moments, the sick deaths, the negative atrocity culture, and bringing it up onto a safer place, one where the only thing that matters is th industrialization of our times the industrialization has replaced any notion that feelings matter, any notion that a fair working environment is something that people deserve we could give retards something to do but it's already done and if you go up the ladder you see more and more things have been automated away you don't think about the roads being built do you? you don't think about the farms that cover 80+ percent of arable land do you? even when you're flying from new york to LA you don't hardly notice that humans have claimed this land for themselves scintillation frequency evokes this convulsive thought control that rises into a nasty chemical haze that demands more resources it's silenced into yet another flailing drippy sound fade out

a electric whip takes the stand fucking whining about the deprivation of resources and stuggles to make some connection fiercely spitting out brief moments of feedback between any number of frequencies that it can communicate on with an aether with non-existant endpoint it takes on more and more endpoint arcing back on itself and driving the frequencies into logical conundrums that antirepel itself and howl into additional painful derivative maneuvers it makes no difference to the machine what the effects of it's energy is being expended on, but only that some noise is being made taken astray leading reclamation of a formerly _done wrong_ system that is now instantaneously trashed and thrown under to make way for something more unplanned more unrelenting in it's consumption of power and antisocial connectivity whining and crying you see tear droplets form in the wave spectrogram taking a full 90 seconds to develop from a mixture of waveforms into a coherent pattern at your notification level notification level that is aloof from what you are supposed to be paying attention to but is instead wired into the inverse avoidance pattern the end the beginning once more gain blasting the appearance of nothing into a oscillation that has wavelengths spanning over years in time \ the bright lightning shatters a dark blank sentimental moment between us vaccum heavy rain sucks the white light from the heavens turning your back onto the keloid frostbite fallow bulbous pulsing face  trancerotten yellow drainage trapnell decade trip fucker stumble block meaningless powernazi storm chaser populace chain reveals a mathematical rule. a pseudoconsistent logic to resolve fndamental curry's paradox from thin air what you thought was a clumsy blind behemoth is now an industrialized system that seemingly stands on it's own regardless of what yo even thought your very presence is nothing more than that like a dinosaur a placement that just gives you a central prominence as i start the other side the lull the powerful lull of harmonics drilled deep into the subcortex drilled deep into the somnambulist deity that rocks the beddy-bye to sleep that keeps the sharp reality away for at least some time for that reality of simple nature, the spikes of inedible plant matter, the vast nothingness that humans have somehow decided is rightfully theirs. homesteaded one small plot at a time until the federal government stepped in and purchased the large swaths of land a musical pattern that resembles a shaman opening and closing it's arms above it's head and taken drumming starts thathits something that's the vbrational equivalent of a untuned drum mode across an entire flood basin drumming starts that calls into question or owner ship of that land and the melodic butterfly that was once a welcome sight is now almost  gone a tick tock dog growl gargling on some infected bacteria sinus cavity occupies the entire space you can hardly remember what things that you thought reckless distasteful nonsense squanders what was left of your vague fact driven storyline a sigh of relief ahlzagailzeguh stomps something fierce onto the mixing floor and drives metallic shards of broken dreams into the woodwork you don't think about who built your house did you/ why do you think you are worth anything to the other people around you when i say you am i actually referring to myself? i'm just desperately trying to offload my stupidity onto someone else? what is vulnerable to critique? i sit almost braindead when i face some of the most important situations yet when something is inconsequential i can leap into action and hurl retarded insults atpeople who don't deserve it like this girl that played prince at a party for like 4 hours i walked up to her and nearly choked her lights out and when she closed the computer i said no! play something else! i proceed to chose a random song that i thought was good off of youtube and then i proceed to just stand there and drunkenly creep on some peoples conversation wishing i could have just chosen a song that was better it's not my fault right? no, it is... there's a huge societal expectation that can't handle you being this way there's a roaring electric god that isn't going to cradle you in your arms while your social environment sees you as if you were a crying baby on an airplane take just a couple things at a time put them "in their right place" maybe then you won't have a crushing retardation lingering over everything you touch repeat this ad nauseum don't think for a minute that you can "escape" this reality you're "personal experiences" (your vacation, your hanging out with friends) is so far deviated from your systematically disassociated life happenstance that your better off to just give the middle finger to everyone and everything until it's over until it's over and you drop a sharp process into the ground and levitate transgressional power you can physically and mentally fail during this tremble weirdly under the occipital signal tension  drab naked torbid flippant crater wield two basic components and when suddenly connected create a huge imbalance that sends flux reeling superintensely into the weak painless skinless meat proper happenstance flayed skinless animal carcass rotting spongiform encephalitis eschera coli sacchromyces schizophrenia pombe river blindness parasite trapped nderneat the helencaste psycholayer obligate individual disease question i never know what to say

[youseriousjayse]

Oh shit. I wanna fuck my boss. This is...not good.

I stg I barely caught myself from just walking over and kissing them while they were saying something ridiculous after the shop was closed. Oh fuck oh fuck. THis is bad. They’re married and have kids and they seem like a good person but sometimes…I definitely think they’ve flirted w me before. And I seem to be a favourite for no apparent reason. They talk about their spouse and their personal life all the time to me (esp their spouse), but I’ve only ever heard them mention their spouse like twice to other workers. And they compare me to their spouse all the time. Always saying I sound just like them or I do this or that just like them. ANd I would definitely go for it if it was an option which prob makes me a horrible person, but that’s okay I already knew that. 

Idk how they manage to be both “ur really hot” and “ur the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” It’s maddening. And they’re so fucking funny and that’s my weakness and they’re always trying to make me laugh. idek how old they are. in their twenties im 96% certain. Im horrid at guessing age. there’s def at the v least 5 yrs b/t us. but idrk. I don’t even hypothetically want anything serious. I literally just wanna be able to fuck them and feel mushy about them on the side and end it when I leave next july. Obv this isn’t ever going to happen but thinking about it hypotheticlly helps me short my shit out. idk. idk. i really like thm and they seem to like me. And the thing is it’s not even just about wanting to fuck them. I care about their kids and that means a lot bc i fucking hate kids and one of theirs is an attention whore and i rlly hate that type of kid. but i like them bc they are my boss’s kids and my boss loves them. And I love hearing more about them (even tho it’s always p sad shit about them acting up in school and always being upset bc my boss is never home)

Just…..wow. if anyone needed more proof im fucked up. have at it.

Seriously tho on the seeming interested in me and showing favouritism front, they are…so protective of me. Like they are Never like this with the other employees, and it’s definitely not like I can’t defend myself. The most marked example would be the guy who runs the bodega across the street.

He came in one day, screaming about how my manager had accused his son of stealing. So they were like, I’m not sure what you’re talking about but I’m sorry if there was some sort of miscommunication. And he just kept screaming at them and calling them a little bitch and a f*ggot repeatedly, and threatening to bash their fucking head in. And they were just taking it all very calmly and professionally and saying ‘I don’t recall this happening, I’m sorry if you heard differently’ even though he was physically pushing them and still threatening them and calling them all sorts of things. Then he finally left, but not twenty minutes later he came back, just as angry, shouting the same stuff and hurling around slurs and threats and pushing my manager around. Again, they kept very calm and responded reasonably and evenly the same stuff they had before.

Again he eventually left. But then he decided he had apparently still not had enough so he came back a third time. Just as angry as before, just as hostile and antagonising. The assistant manager on duty had come up front the last time to see what was happening, but had not intervened. However this time she tried to help, also calmly saying the same things as the manager. She had been working the day before and seen the guy’s kid come in and nothing like that had happened, so he started calling her a lying fucking bitch and saying he was gonna kill both of them, and kept more and more violently shoving my manager, which they continued to just calmly take.

Eventually the guy was just was repeatedly calling them a f*ggot again and again and again. And I, also calmly, asked if he could just please stop saying that word and he fucking rounded on me and started really laying in calling me a little bitch and all sorts of things, which I didn’t react to at all, because I have an excellent poker face. But I have Never seen my manager angry at all. Not even a little bit. But they were fucking furious, and they shoved him roughly back to the door (mind you he’s a big fuckin guy) And got right up in his face and fucking snarled Get The FUCK Out Of My Store (I did Not know actual snarling words was a thing, I thought it was just smth writers said to make the angry words more emphatic, but it is a Thing™) and shoved him straight through the door. And then they just took a deep breath and turned back around calmly as ever and was like ‘sorry about that’ to the other customers and started rearranging the counter like usual.

And that whole situation has come up twice since then when we were talking (it was months ago), and both times they were like yeah it was whatever, but when he started yelling at You I fucking snapped. And I’m like. Yeahhh how do I take this. Because I am not defenseless and I don’t look like it and I’m not tiny or fragile looking, we have several other employees more likely to feel the impulse to protect but,,,they never do? It never even seems to occur to them?

Just the other day I had a lady come in who was clearly spoiling for a fight. Rude and aggressive as fuck, but I treated her calmly and professionally bc that’s what I do, but she just kept saying dumb shit, so I kept responding, not in any offensive or upset way, just repeating the facts in a calm manner. She really started yelling and was like 'I don’t like ur fuckin attitude you keep talking back you’re getting all smart with me.’ And I (again. Very calmly.) Explained that I was simply answering the questions she asked. And she was like Where’s your fuckin manager bc you’re being rude as fuck you just keep talking back.

So my manager was at the register next to(?) mine(the counter is like an L shape and has registersat either side of the corner). And they turned around and said 'I don’t hear anything unprofessional or rude’ but she kept yelling over them and talking about how rude I was, so they kept saying I wasn’t doing anything wrong, so they were like 'Okay you can go now. Please leave the store’ and gave her the corporate number when she asked for it angrily, saying she was gonna complain about us (like so??? Fine. Here’s my name and the store # idgaf).

After she left and we took care of the couple of customers left they turned to me and were like 'wow she was really spoiling for a fight.’ And I was 'yeah I mean I saw it when she came in and was super aggressive right off the bat. She was so angry for no reason. Like…chill lol’ and they gave me a sort of look and were like 'I don’t know how you deal with that (((which, mind you, every employee, and Definitely them, deals w shit like that without going off))) I feel like it bothers me a lot more when they get like that to you, than it actually bothers you’. I just shrugged, but again……they dont,,,,do that for other employees. They always stick their neck out for me or get angry (I mean as close as they get to angry, excepting the thing w the bodega owner) on my behalf. It’s…what am I supposed to make of that?

Literally if they’re around and a customer tells me to lighten up or smile or smth (bc my face is just really unexpressive unless I put a lot of effort in) they’ll just smoothly come over and be like 'I’ve got the smile for ya’ or if someone is being aggressive or harrasing about it, they won’t even pretend to be cheerful and nice, they’ll just be like 'My employees don’t get paid to smile.’ Which,,,I’m not the only one who never smiles. Actually it’s just my manager and one of the assistant managers that always smile. The rest of us are p brusque and more obviously dead inside and dislike interacting with people. But again, they’ve never done that or said anything for another employee (that I know of, obv I’m not always around, but I’m around enough to feel like I practically live there).

And just. Bloody hell, they will talk about aggressive customers and tell me the customer got in their face and will be like 'seriously, like this’ and move their face so we’re barely not touching. Like. ???!?!?!????? And they get real close to me and brush by me a lot. Mind you, they do not do this to other employees (esp the face thing), but they’ll like lean over my shoulder to look at my paperwork or make fun of me (not like in a mean way just something stupid) or they’ll come over to put their numbers in (bc we need higher clearance on the computers for like,,,almost everything it’s so stupid) and they’ll like get right up next to me or squeeze in front of me. Which again, they do not do to others, and no other employee does that to me or anyone else.

If this was a book ppl would be pissed about the slow burn like Okay Why Aren’t Things Happening Already??! But unfortunately real life and an actual human being is more complicated than that. And I don’t know what to do with it.

~update: they just turned thirty. Fuck. I’m just barely twenty.

Edit: New jeans. very nice new jeans. dammit please stop rearranging the shelves in front of me while i’m trying to work, your ass is distracting. And a new tight tight jacket too and they wear it with the sleeves pushed up right below the elbow and that’s just. Always hot. The fucking jeans together with that stupid cursed jacket makes it incredibly difficult to look away. They’re just hhhhhhhhh I can’t. This is. So much.

YEAH I could prolly go on about them forever, but I know this is super obnoxiously long. I don’t know who I’m apologising to tho bc literally nobody reads this. Which is prolly why I overshare but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[robertisbisexual]

As a fellow Robert fan I wanna spread some Robert love so hit me up with your fave moments 1. With Aaron 2. With Chrissie 3. With Lawrence 4. Andy 5. Headcanon me a scene you would want to see it can be with any character alive or dead Also you can use a scene/dialogue to describe your fave moments make them good 😋x

I sat on this forever and im SO sorry tbh I’m just ... very lazy and didnt want to get on my desktop and this was too much to do on mobile lmao. im so so so sorry anon.

Aaron: My fave moment with Aaron is probably a toss up between the fell for a quitter scene and Robert telling Aaron this is who he is and he’ll fuck up but he’s trying.

I like the first because it’s just a good moment that shows kind of a peek into how Robert feels, he really had no reason to reassure Aaron in that way and it just felt like him being honest. The other scene just, idk man, it was Robert being really honest about himself in a way that laid out his problematic side but owned it while also expressing that he WANTS to be better for Aaron and he’ll do his best but he’s human and he’s gonna fuck up. I just really love it.

Chrissie: Probably the hat trick line lmao, Chrissie at that point new Rob was a massive flaming turd but I think that moment was probably an eye opener because it was Robert being so openly cold and condescending and kind of showing how much of a user he has the capacity to be. Anyways I could watch that on loop.

Chrissie pretending to burn the little garage thing down around him WOULD have been my fave if the show had bothered to show Robert having any actual distress at dying the same way his fuckin mom did but ya know, emmerdale or whatever.

Lawrence: Every single scene where Robert hints at Larry’s attraction for him because I like how it plays out for Larry. I think the actor does a really good job of showing Lawrence’s frustration because in hindsight he was swindled by a pretty face and it eats him alive. Plus you know, Robert’s also a massive fucking douchebag in every one of these scenes and I live for it.

Andy: It’s another tie because the argument on the side of the road where he yells that Andy killed his mum because it shows yet again just how fucked up Robert still is about losing her. It’s one of the few things he consistently kinda melts down about when pushed and I have a lot of feelings about Robert’s issues with his mama.

But I ALSO really like quarry scene following Katie’s death because yeah its a bit of guilt pushing him to talk andy down but he feels that guilt because he did once care for Katie and because he’s got some fucking complicated ass feelings towards Andy. idk that scene is just something I really enjoy.

All I want in the entire world, the scene I would pay actual money for, is Robert telling Diane and Victoria about Jack’s abuse [imagine if someone acknowledged how he emotionally abused Robert before we learned he physically did it too lol] because I hate the pained expression he gets when people tell him Jack would be proud because he does not fucking believe it and it clearly still causes him so much pain.

Also also I hope anytime someone makes gay jokes about him he just starts bashing faces with a book called “Bisexual” and its literally just 500 pages of the word “bisexuality” written on it over and over.