#also holy shit three in a week i am truly blessed

[lunammoon]

You've captured the look exactly!

The thought of Marion looking scared when having her picture taken amused me so much I had to draw it! @lunammoon

[fatiguing-thoughts]

“Fate” - Paul Lahote

Request: The reader (shy!fem!reader) meets Paul (twilight) in the woods while he is in wolf form and he imprints on her. Coz the reader is shy and has no friends (lol) she befriends the 'wolf'. So when they have been friends for a while Paul finally transforms into his human form and explains everything and then fluff? Thank you 😊❤️

The crunching of leaves. That’s all I can hear now. I continued walking forward, loving the noise and the smell of the pine trees around me. 

This was my daily routine now, for the last week. The woods were always my safe place, where I went to clear my head. It’s where I always spent my free time, my time for my personal thoughts.  

I had just moved to Forks about three week ago, I came from Oregon. I wanted to be closer to the Olympic National Forest, and for some reason, it just called to me. It called to be my new home. 

I spent the first couple of weeks unpacking and settling, but the newfound freedom and time to explore the great forests around my small town were beyond enticing. 

The loneliness was setting in, pushing me to go into the woods more and more. Even though I was still lonely out here, it was much better than being alone in the house. I missed my family and friends, but living here was something that just felt like I was doing something… right. 

The loneliness out here wasn’t as deafening than in my small home. I felt better surrounded by trees, listening to the sounds of nature, or the lack of normal everyday sound; it was music to my ears. 

As I pressed forward, I found the new clearing I chose the other day. This one a little bigger than the last, more calming to me. 

I put my blanket down, played some soothing music; a beautiful composition. I took out my sketchbook, drawing my surroundings. 

That’s when I heard the grass shift across the clearing. The leaves crunching, a shift in the atmosphere. The feeling washed over me, I was no longer alone. 

I felt my breath hitch as I tore my eyes away from the sketchbook, looking across the clearing. 

I saw a wolf. An enormous wolf. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I’ve seen wolves, and they’re not anywhere near the size of this. I wouldn’t even come up to the shoulder on this one, it had to be about 6 feet tall on all fours. This couldn’t be real.

I blink hard, but when I open my eyes, it doesn’t go away, my sight was not deceiving me. 

That’s when it happened, our eyes connected. I couldn’t break the eye contact, neither did the massive creature. 

The wind got knocked out of me, I felt something in me shift. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, but it wasn’t fear. 

No, fear was the last thing from my mind. What I felt was peace. I couldn’t imagine why I felt so at peace with a creature that could kill me faster than I could blink, but it’s all I felt. 

I broke the eye contact away, hoping that I didn’t make the situation worse and frighten the wolf. 

It walks a bit closer, head low. I still feel that feeling, the feeling of someone sitting on my chest-- but in the best way. 

“Jesus.” I mutter as it moves closer. 

The paws were easily the size of my head, thumping along the path to me. I felt the ground move as it got closer. 

A look of curiosity and caution painted the enormous face, eyes never tearing from mine. 

“Holy shit.” I mutter again.

It stops in its tracks, about five feet from me, looking at me as if it was asking for permission to approach closer. 

I gulp and swallow the lump in my throat. The sense of peace and calm is still radiating through my body. I stood up from my spot, feeling as if it was the best thing to do at this moment. 

The wolf nods its head towards me, in which I nod back. 

It walks closer before bowing its head, eyes still looking into mine. I see my reflection in the iris. Its eyes were that of a beautiful chocolate brown. I admire the rest of the wolf up close, noticing all of the different grey and silver tones in its beautiful fur. I cautiously reach my hand out, knuckles out, offering it to smell me before I even thought about petting it. 

As I outstretch my hand, I feel the enormous head under my palm. I begin to graze my fingertips along the top of its head, daring to dance my fingertips upon the center top of its snout. 

Its ears laid back against the massive head, leaning more weight into my touch. The fur was so soft, I found myself growing more and more comfortable with the presence of this being. I was way too close now, I lost all sense of caution. 

I smiled at the wolf as I returned the eye contact. It moved even closer, standing against my side. I laid my head upon the side of where its shoulder began. I never felt so small before. I felt a little grumble come from the wolf’s chest before it backed up, and laid down next to my blanket. I plopped myself back down. 

I caught the wolf’s eyes wandering over to my drawing of the clearing. 

“You like art or something?” I chuckled softly, knowing how silly it may seem to be talking to this wolf, though deep down I felt we had some kind of understanding.

The wolf nodded, before placing its head on my leg. The head was heavier than I imagined, but I enjoyed it. It was a soothing weight. The nod must have been coincidental, I tell myself. 

I then begin to scratch behind its ears, and laying the rest of my body down, head still on the front of my thigh. 

“This is the best, well only, company I’ve had in a month.” I smile to myself, once again trying to converse with the creature. 

I heard a large huff of air and felt the warmth on my thigh grow, the breath passing through my jeans.  

I check the time on my phone, seeing that it was later than I thought. The wolf and I sat here for hours, though they passed quickly. 

“I should leave now, sunset is approaching. I gotta get out of here before dark. After all, who knows what’s in here.” I chuckle as I begin to sit up, getting my things together into my backpack. 

The wolf looks at me, puffs again, and almost seems to roll its eyes. I could’ve sworn it looked just like it did. 

As I begin walking, I notice the wolf walking beside me. 

“Ah, walking me to my car? A gentleman, I see.” I laugh softly to myself. 

As we approach the end of the forest, the beginning of the treeline and my parked car in sight, the wolf looks down at me. 

I return the eye contact, and scratch behind the ear again, earning the leaning of the massive head into my hand. 

“This is an everyday thing for me. Same place tomorrow.” I say laughing at how ridiculous I sound. 

I earn another nod from the wolf and can’t help but feel that it truly understands what I’m saying. 

I walk over to my car, the distance between the wolf and I growing. I felt empty as the space grew, a newer feeling. I walked over to my car and looked back to see the wolf standing where I left it. 

I wave goodbye, earning a nod from the massive being. I get into my car and watch it run away, faster than I’ve seen anything move. 

The drive home was quick, as it mostly consisted of replaying the days events. 

I knew for certain that I was either insane or blessed. 

Sleeping tonight came easier than ever before. No nightmares, though the eyes of the beautiful creature filled my dreams that night. 

I woke up the next morning feeling at ease, but also if something was missing. I was almost counting down the minutes until I got to go back to my little clearing. Hopefully doing some work will make the day pass faster. 

I ferociously finish my work for the day, hoping that it would make time pass. Though my mind continuously wanders back to yesterday. 

Was it even real?

What if the creature didn’t show up today? Would I just have imagined the understanding that I thought we had? Was the connection just an imagination? 

No, I know what I saw. I am not insane, I am not making any of this up. 

As the agonizing hours passed, I sat and drew. I found myself drawing the eyes of the creature.  They were all I could see all day. 

I look over at the clock and basically spring off of my couch, grabbing my keys and backpack to head back out to the woods. 

I walk over into the clearing and sit in my previous spot on the blanket. This time I had some snacks with me, as I didn’t eat today from being so distracted. 

I began to peel my orange when I heard the snapping of a branch behind me. I took a sip of my water as I turned to look at what was behind me. 

The deep, chestnut brown eyes looking down at me. I felt such a connection to this wolf, I felt safe. 

It then moves next to where I sat, laying down once more. 

I place my orange down back onto the brown paper bag.

“Blueberries?” I outstretch my hand with a few berries in it, offering it to the creature. 

His snout found my hand, hot breath finding its way into my palm. The rough tongue and soft scraping of teeth against my palm as it took the berries from my hand.

I smile before getting some more, offering again. The wolf once again took the food from my hand. 

I truly enjoyed the company, though it did confuse me more than anything. I couldn’t describe the connection I felt to this magical being, but it was there. 

I began to make some small talk to the wolf, though I know I would not get a response. 

“You’re my first and only friend, bud. I moved here a little less than a month ago. Still unsure of what brought me here, but I think things are starting to add up. I just miss having people around, ya know?” I look over to the creature, noticing that their eyes never left my face. 

The wolf nods, putting his head back into my leg and nuzzling into me. I scratch behind their ears. 

“Anyway, I left Oregon to come here. I miss my friends and family, but I think I’ll be happier here. So far, I’m loving the new scenery. I used to spend a lot of time in the woods back there, it’s where I have my personal thoughts, where I unwind. Now that I’m here, I already have a buddy so soon. I always did it alone, but here you are. Even though you can’t talk, I enjoy your company.” I spoke softly to the being. 

Its eyes never broke from mine, just like always. 

“Your eyes are magnificent.” I softly chuckled. 

The wolf nuzzles closer to me, and I lay down on my blanket. 

This is how I spent my days now. This continued for weeks. Getting closer to this beautiful creature, befriending the most beautiful being that ever existed on the planet. 

Until one day, when I showed up to the clearing at the usual time. My new friend nowhere in sight. 

I sat down in our usual spot, waiting for the arrival of the creature. 

I waited for about ten minutes before I finally heard the relieving crunching of twigs and leaves behind me. 

“It’s about time you showed up, I got worried.” I bit back my smile. 

The wolf had a telling look in its eyes today, almost nervous. 

I scratched behind the large ear, once again being leaned into. I grew to really love this. 

As soon as I sat down, I noticed the wolf didn’t follow suit as per usual. 

It looked me in the eyes, nodding its head to the treeline. My eyes followed as the wolf walked behind the brush. 

I stood up, but didn’t follow the being out of the clearing. I watched from the treeline as it disappeared just out of view. 

Then I heard it. 

The shifting of bones. The brush disturbed from movement. 

I back up cautiously. 

A moment later, a tall, muscular man walks out of the tree line. 

I back up a bit out of surprise. I observed him in his entirety. His cutoff jean shorts, t-shirt, and beat up old shoes. Beautiful russet skin, cropped black hair, and... deep chestnut brown eyes. 

Those eyes. The ones that engulfed me into a state of peace with every look. I would recognize those eyes in a sea of people. 

The tall man smiles at me, walking closer. 

I don’t back up this time, confused yet comforted by the look in his eyes. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen, I was drawn to him. 

“(Y/N), it’s me.” The man says. 

“How do you know my name?” I question. 

“Well, you told me a few weeks ago. Well, my other form.” He chuckles. 

“Okay, maybe I am nuts.” I laugh softly. 

“No, you’re not. Well, after listening to you for weeks, you might be. But, I have a lot of explaining to do. I’m Paul by the way.” He chuckles. 

“Hi Paul.”

We walk over to my blanket and he sits with me. 

“So, I guess I’ll explain to you what I am.” He says, slightly smirking at me. 

“I think you should, I’m very confused right now.” I smile back. 

“Well, I’m what you would call a shapeshifter. I shift into a wolf. You met me in that form.” His chestnut brown eyes peering into my soul, pleading for my attention. 

“But how? Why?” I manage to speak. 

“Well, we’re not the only magical beings. But it’s a Quileute legend, well clearly a lot more than a legend… I’m a protector of the land and people. But these are tribal secrets.” He says, still never breaking eye contact. 

“Protector? From what?” I was now concerned. 

“Well, vampires.” He answered, laughing at how crazy it sounds to say out loud, to explain to an outsider. 

“Vampires are real? And they’re here?” I ask, slightly getting fearful. 

“Yes. There’s been some coming into the area for some, not for anything good. There’s a coven here, though they’re what you call ‘good ones,’ only feeding off animals instead of humans.” He explains. 

“Wow, this is insane. But, how did you find me?” 

“Well, one of the other members of the pack picked up your scent, as well as one of the vampires we were looking for. So we took turns watching to make sure they didn’t hunt you. Which by the way, you should not be spending so much time in the woods alone. Have you ever heard of bears? Or murderers? Have you learned anything from horror movies?” He laughed. 

“Yes. I have. But it’s just, it’s what feels right for me.” I admitted. 

“I understand. You seem like one with nature.” He laughs.

“So you guys protected me?” I jump back a step.

“Yeah, well we took turns while the others went other places.” 

“Oh, so why did you stay for weeks? And why did you hang out with me?” “Well, when it was my turn, something happened. And then I couldn’t leave you. I needed to be the one who watched over you. I wanted to get to know you, I wanted to meet you. We connected.” 

“I know, I felt that. I feel like I’ve known you for ages. But what happened? How are we connected? Why do I get to know the tribal secrets?” I asked, I needed to understand. 

“Well, you’ve taken this so well. So there’s this thing. It’s called imprinting.” He finally looks down at his hands. 

“Imprinting?” I question.

He looks back into my eyes. 

“Well, it’s kinda like soulmates. Like love at first sight, almost. Although, it doesn’t have to be romantic. It’s kind of like-- when it happens, whoever a wolf imprints on, becomes the world. There is no gravity, it’s them holding you down to the Earth. You would do anything, be anything for them. A brother, a protector, a lover. It’s super intense, but it happens to some of us. And well, you’re my imprint.” 

I looked at him and nodded. I was trying to take this all in, it all made sense as to why I felt so strongly connected. Why I felt so at peace, why I loved being so close. 

“Listen, I know it’s a lot to take in. I understand. But just know that it is dangerous for us to be apart. It’ll hurt us both-- emotionally, physically, mentally. However, you hold the reins here.” He gave me a soft smile. 

“This is a lot. You’re right. But, I feel so connected to you. I wanna be around you, I love being around you. I’m so glad you’re actually a real person. However, I do want to take this slow. I want to get to know you as a person, not just the wolf. I want to meet the real you. I want to expand the friendship before any kind of romantic relationship blossoms too fast.” I say honestly. 

“That sounds like a great idea. Maybe you can come to the bonfire at La Push tonight. I think it’ll help you understand more. Plus then you’ll meet the rest of the pack. We could work on the friends thing, too.” He smiles from ear to ear, probably excited at the mention of a romantic relationship. 

We talked for hours, more about us personally than the imprinting thing, wolf thing, or vampire thing-- we saved that for the bonfire. 

The bonfire went well. I met the whole pack. A lot of banter and rough housing between the guys, especially when the imprint jokes came around. 

I took a liking to Leah, though she was rough on the outside I felt that we would be great friends. 

Over the next few weeks, Paul and I spent almost all our free time together. Things were great. Of course the friends thing didn’t last too long, how could I not want to have this amazing man as my partner? He was caring, sweet, protective, and even handsomer than anyone else I had ever seen. Our relationship was one purer than anything I could’ve ever imagined. 

Getting closer to the pack was great, I always had friends around. I loved Emily and helping her cook for the bottomless pit-stomached boys. It was like I was meant to be around, I guess that’s fate for you. 

Most of all, I cherished every moment I had with Paul. Stealing hoodies and having more fun than I’ve ever had before. 

I loved Paul Lahote more than I could put into words. No words were needed. 

This was happiness, this was pure bliss. 

We spent our days on hikes, fooling around and rough housing at the beach, and doing whatever we could do together. 

He whispered sweet-nothings into my ear at any given chance, causing me to smile, blushing like a maniac. His warm hugs and cuddles, sleeping next to him only brought me peaceful sleep I desired my entire life. 

Fate truly is something. 

_____________________________

Word Count: 3280

Yes this was long. No I’m not sorry. Yes I enjoyed it. Might have been a swift transition, but it’s super long and idc. Thank you for coming folks 

[talas-starlight]

Lover - Percy Jackson x Fem!reader

SUMMARY: You’ve crushed on Percy for years, him on the other hand? It’s more of a recent development. That doesn’t mean he likes you any less.

(Older Percy & reader - they're like 21) ALSO idk perfectly what happens in trials of apollo so let’s just ✨ignore that ✨ & this isn’t sexual despite what the title may suggest

WORD COUNT: 2.7k

A/N: hi friends this is for @fromthewatertribe​ ‘s 1k follower event!! Im sure most of you have but if not definitely check out their work!! Its soooo good I promises and ugh their Leo fic?! *chefs kiss* anyway idk if this is any good oop I tried

PROMPTS USED: 9 & 11. (they’re bolded)

WARNINGS: swearing, mentions of ptsd & anxiety, kissing stuff lol ish eh idk, mentions of percabeth breakup?? Does that count?

MASTERLIST: here!

An obnoxiously red and orange light filters into the motel room, even with the old and tattered curtains closed, the motels’ sign conquers its way through the fabric. Sighing you flop yourself on the faded, probably twenty-year-old bed. Nose scrunching as some dust raises into the air, consequently letting out a sneeze.

“Bless you.”

“Did you just bless yourself?”

You winced at the reminder someone else was in the room, exhausted after the two-day travel to a motel room in the middle of whoop. “Yeah…”

“You really are something, aren’t you?” At the calm amusement evident in his tone, your heart rate began to slow down. He didn’t think you were crazy.

You let out a breathy laugh. Wow, I wonder how those stains got on the ceiling? Lava monster perhaps? Are those even a thing? Probably.

“Yeah… well, someone has to Jackson.” You glance towards him, he’s sitting at the small, poor excuse of a dining table. Heart rate picking up again as he gives you a small smile, already having his eyes on you this entire time.

“If I don’t, who will?” you continue.

“Touché. In that case, I’ll do the blessing from now on; you deserve a break.” Shooting you a wink. Instantly feeling flustered at his action, you fight the urge to cover your face with your hands.

Oh, Percy, if only you knew you’ve already been blessing me for the past six years.

“Even say…. If we’re in a battle?” you muse.

He gets up from the table and walks towards you. Once he reaches your side of the queen bed, he kneels, grabbing the hand closest to him, while putting his other on top of his heart. “Oh, y/n l/n, even with my dying breath.”

With that, you burst into a fit of laughter. This boy and his sarcasm.

You play along. “Hmmm what a great tale that will be. The one and only, Perseus Jackson, spending his final breath on sweet old y/n l/n. How dare you burden me with such a legacy to live up to! They’ll think I’m your lover, you know. Demigods all around the world will come searching for me, just to gawk at the beauty that stole your heart.”

At this point, Percy has fallen from his kneeling position, completely lying on the ground, overcome with laughter.

“This isn’t funny, Percy! How am I supposed to live with the guilt of knowing I don’t live up to their expectations?! I’m hardly a warrior either, oh the disappointment.”

Gasping for breath, he manages to find his words, “Don’t stress it y/n, you’re plenty beautiful. I just know they’ll all be stunned by your beauty. Don’t sell yourself short… trust me, once they see you, they’ll be envious that my lover was so enraptured by me that you’ll never be able to love again.”

Now it was your turn to laugh. Would that be so bad?

Gasping for breath, eventually, both of your laughs die down, leaving you both breathing heavily. “C’mon Percy, let’s get some sleep. Its going to be a long week of scouting for demigods if we’re tired.”

As Percy nods, silently getting up to go to the bathroom to change, but he can’t help but think to himself that he wouldn’t mind if he was stuck in the middle of nowhere with you. No matter how long.

It had been three days since you and Percy arrived in the town you continuously fail to remember the name of. It wasn’t the only thing you were failing at doing either, because it seemed that for some unknown reason, the school that was supposed to arrive here for their camping trip still hadn’t shown up.

“We should send an Iris message to camp. It doesn’t look like they’re showing up any time soon, and by the looks of things, we’re going to need to have them send someone for more supplies.”

Percy sighed, looking out the window. Was this the opportunity he was looking for? Maybe… he knew he’d be a stupid fool to pass it up. Swept up in his new thoughts, he never replied. “Percy?”

Without even looking at you, he nodded, turning to go to the bathroom, “Yeah sure, I’ll go into the bathroom and make the call.”

Humming in acknowledgement as he left the room, you couldn’t help but stare at the spot he was previously standing in from your position on the edge of the bed. He doesn’t look too good.

For such a great hero, you wondered if this quest was doing him any good. After the first day of scouting the campsite, it was obvious he was already antsy to get home. It seemed no matter how light you tried to keep the atmosphere; it was like something was weighing on his mind. Mostly when you were both in the motel room together, you supposed it was because he barely went on quests nowadays. Understandably so, after all, who could blame him for wanting a break and spend time with his family? This made you feel immensely guilty since you could never give him words of truly understanding what he’s gone through. You’d arrived at camp a few days before him, yet over the years you were never sent onto a major quest. It upset you greatly at first, but you grew to appreciate your time at camp.

Before your mind could delve further into its guilt and self-pity, Percy re-entered the room, sitting next to you with a huff. “It’s all good. They’re going to send Leo with some extra supplies, and he’ll help us for the rest of this quest.”

Accidentally getting swept up in how pretty his eyes were, you tensed up, realising he was staring at you expectantly. Quickly nodding and clearing your throat you looked down to your lap, “ahh, okay that sounds good. I guess we’ll have time to sightsee or something…”

Sightsee? Really y/n? There’s nothing in this stupid town!

An awkward silence filled the room. Due to your previous thoughts, you were unsure how to proceed. This was the first time you were alone with him and had nothing else better to do.

Percy on the other hand, found that the obvious swooning look in your eyes was his green light. “Uhhh actually y/n?”

Oh, please don’t ask me why I basically just drooled all over you for NO FUCKING REASON. Snapping your head back up to look at him, you desperately tried to ignore the pounding in your chest that managed to find its way into your ears, “yeah?”

“There’s something I want to ask you.”

Holy shit he knows, doesn’t he? He knows I’ve liked him this entire time, and he’s going to reject me even though I never even said anything!

“I uhm… look I know we’re kind of on a small quest and all but technically we ARE waiting for Leo and the school to arrive before we continue… and you know we kind of have like at least a day or two until then so I was just wondering…”

“Yeah, Percy? You can just say it, you know; I really don’t mind.” I do mind, but please get this over with before I cry. With your heart rate increasing at an alarming rate and face heating up so much, you wanted Zeus to blast you right then and there.

Percy felt like he was about to puke, he’d never felt this nervous before. Yeah, he had his moments growing up with Annabeth, after all, she was his first girlfriend, but this was different. He wanted this to be different. Sure, he never regretted their relationship, and yes, he knew he’d always remember everything they went through- what he went through but… he wanted a clean slate. He desperately just wanted nothing more than to know that there was at least one person in his life that wasn’t constantly fighting for their lives—someone who didn’t have to live with as much trauma as him.

“W- would you maybe... Gods, do you want to have dinner tomorrow night? Maybe at the diner further into the town?”

HOLY FUCK.

He was interested and honestly, you were over the moon. Breathing out the breath you were holding in, you fail to hide the smile on your face, “yeah, I’d like that.”

His face instantly broke out into a wide smile matching yours. “Wait really?”

Unable to hold back a small giggle, you nodded, “yeah, Percy.”

Staring at yourself in the mirror, you admire the blue dress you found in a charity shop this morning while Percy was sleeping. I can’t believe this is happening.

If you had old even more awkward 15-year-old y/n that you were about to go on a date with the boy you admired from your table during meals (when he was there), you would’ve laughed. Mainly because at that point, he didn’t even know you existed, only having your first conversation during the battle of Manhattan when you were helping Will.

Okay… lets do this.

Walking out of the bathroom, Percy is already sitting on the bed in his usual t-shirt, jeans and converse waiting for you.

“Woah… You look uh-” Never finishing his statement, worry bubbled in your chest.

“Oh, uhm… I- I can change if you’d like?

Jumping up from his place on the bed, his head shook quickly. “NO! N-no don’t do that.”

“Ah uhm… okay? Sorry, it’s just I saw it in a store earlier and uhm… it looked nice, and I just thought that maybe it’d be cool to maybe put in a bit more effort? I mean… not that you don’t look good or anything! I love what you wear, you always look nice! but I don’t know… I don’t get to look nice much and… I just wanted it to be kinda special since we don’t get to… well our lives don’t really grant us these opportunities very often. Or at least for me anyway…”

“Hey, no, it’s okay! I totally get it… you look beautiful.” After hearing your small confession and thought to prepare for your date, his heart felt like it was melting. How could someone be so thoughtful when all he was doing was taking you to a rundown diner who probably only served mediocre burgers?

A small wave of guilt washed through him. Feeling like he would never be able to truly sweep you off your feet or give you that sweet, tooth-rotting love and affection, every day, just like you deserved. After everything, he knew he could try his best but even then, he’d never be able to hide the anxiety or PTSD he had acquired over the years.

You looked up to him with a smirk. “Glad to hear it, lover.”

Cheeks heating up at your comment, he laughed trying to play it off as cool as possible. Taking a step closer to you and flattening his shirt as if it would wipe away its wrinkles, he held out his arm. “Shall we, lover?”

Matching his level of fake sophistication, you linked your arm with his, “with pleasure.”

And with that, you both walked out of the motel, with hopeful spirits. To any onlooker, you both looked like normal young adults.  

“Where the fuck are you?!” Percy’s voice boomed from his end of the phone, supposedly made without any monster risks.  

You winced, slowly and cautiously walking your way out of the forest. The once clean dress was now covered in dirt and had few tears. It went perfectly with your dishevelled, twig and leaf infested hair.

“Space doesn’t really exist, so I’m nowhere. Life is built on social constructs and, since there’s no way to know if we’re really alive or if it’s just an illusion, I can’t be anywhere.”

“Y/n.”

Okay, he was concerned, and you couldn’t blame him. After all, how did you expect him to react after getting separated from you as you were chased into the woods by an Empousai after dinner?

Romance at its finest.  

“Yeah, sorry, I got caught up, but I’ll be there soon.”

Ending the call, you couldn’t help but feel guilty as you replayed the events that just occurred in your head. The date was amazing. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but it was still sweet. Which led you both to go on one of those cliché night walks. That was nice too, until two Empousai came out of the forest and decided to attack you both.

Percy being…. Well Percy, he swiftly got out riptide and didn’t hesitate to defend the two of you. You, on the other hand, were completely caught off guard only just noticing as one of them turned their focus on you while Percy was distracted.

And what did you do like the perfectly trained demigod you were?

You ran like a headless chicken into the forest.

After a few minutes of running, they tackled you into the ground. Trying and failing failed to shove them off, you suddenly remembered the dagger you strapped to your thigh under your dress and stabbed them.

Clearly not your proudest moments.

Finally making it back to the room, you unlocked the door and let out a huff of relief. “Well… that date didn’t go as expected.”

Percy, took in your current state staring at you with wide eyes… but he didn’t say anything. Is he angry at me? Fuck now he’s going to call off whatever this is, all because I’m an incompetent idiot! I knew I should have tried harder in the sparring activities at camp.

Feeling highly intimidated under his intense stare, you began to play with the hem of your dress, voice going quiet. “Look I uh- I know it probably wasn’t the date you were hoping for but I uhm-“

Before you could even finish your poor excuses, your words are soon lost entirely. Percy stalked towards you with a determined look on his face. Reaching you, he firmly placed his hands on either side of your face, smashing his lips onto yours.

You let out a small, muffled squeak of surprise as your eyebrows shot up into Olympus. Yet unlike your fighting skills, this was something you managed to adapt to at a faster pace.

Eyes fluttering closed, you fisted his shirt, pulling him closer.

Please don’t let this be a dream.

Because Gods forbid if this your one chance, you weren’t letting this moment end that easily.  

Moving your lips against his, the urgency he came onto you with slowly began to dissipate, feeling his soft, but slightly chapped lips move against yours. Deepening the kiss, you let go of his shirt, gliding your hands up his tense torso and along his strong arms, eventually placing your hands on his wrists that were on either side of your face. Applying a small amount of pressure to the inside of his wrists with your thumbs, his mind began to drift into a calming haze as you softly stroked them. It was almost as if you were able to brush away the worry that bubbled in him when he got back to the room, only to find you weren’t there. Yet here you were… safe.

It was intoxicating and calming having him so close to you, his entire being overcoming your senses to a point where you fought the urge to let out a small whimper when he pulled away.

Resting his forehead against yours, chest rising and falling heavily flushed against you; he continued to hold you in his warm embrace. “I wouldn’t have had it any other way.” He whispers, breath fanning against your face.

Because as much as Percy was afraid he’d let you down, he knew no matter what you were worth every single risk.

“…but I’m going to have to teach you a few things when we get back to camp. We can’t have my lover running away in battle all the time, how will I know if you sneeze?”

Letting out a snort, you playfully hit his chest. “Anything for you, lover.”

A soft smile graces his face as he looks at you adoringly as the word takes on a whole new meaning… because you were right. He’d do anything.

A/N: whelp! i hope you all liked it :)) its not perfect but oh well? 

also i dont have a percy jackson taglist but i gotta tag the holy grail of fic writers for this fandon eep @cabinofimagines​   🙈 🙈

Divider credit: @biskit-rising​

[magpiie]

Kidnapped by Baby Yoda pt. 3

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

hey guys pls lmk what you think and be honest!!! thank you so much for 80 notes holy fucking shit wowie 

It's weird one day you're assisting teaching a class to a bunch of miscellaneous alien children on nevarro hating your life, and the next you're stuck on a ship with a mandalorian and his foundling who inexplicably decided he needed you to come.

“I'm going to talk to him today kid, believe me” you said to the lump of wool perched on your knee. Mando was out doing maker knows what, and you were left alone with the little guy like always. His big eyes gazed at you dubiously as if to say suuuuure. The amount of judgmental bitchy energy he could produce sometimes was astounding. “No really, i've been living here for what, uh 3 weeks maybe? And all we've really said to each other was the initial greeting and uh the exchange of names?” The last part trails off as you realize you don't even know his name. You said yours but he responded with telling you to call him Mando. So you didn't push it. You dont know alot about mandalorians considering they are almost extinct and their beliefs are often made to seem like folklore. But you do know that individualism and identity is not something particularly celebrated. So you decided to leave the amount of information he wants to share with you up to him out of respect. So far that's been none. “So, kid, how'd you break through his shell? He likes you?” the child just blinks unhelpfully. “I mean you never talk to him, but i've tried that and we saw how that went” literally radio silence from him. You don't particularly think of yourself as an extrovert who constantly needs interaction but you do need some. And currently you have the kid as a companion and if you didn't know any better you'd say Mando was a droid with how he acts. You also resolved that you needed to help out more. Basically you were a glorified babysitter and the idea that Mando was going to realize that he was better off without you on his ship as deadweight terrified you. You were a good cook, I guess you could say, but Mando always brought food back with him when he went out and then would hide in his room to eat in privacy. So that's not very helpful. The main thing that you could offer him was medical help. Back on Nevarro growing up you were the youngest of three older brothers. And considering your mother wasnt really in the picture, you had to take up the doctor role for the amount of fights three older boys could get into. You knew how to treat basically any external damage and how to sterilize and limit risk of infection. But how would you ever bring that up to mando if you guys didn't even greet each other in the mornings? Sometimes you would try to talk to him with something as simple as “good morning!” or “welcome back” or “night” or even just a simple “hey” sometimes he would bless you with a monosyllabic grunt but never anything more. But hey, you would take what you would get. After a week of this call and no response bullshit you kinda gave up and have spent the last two weeks in silence other than your episode this morning with the “good morning” fiasco. You feel your mortification settle back into your stomach at the fool you made of yourself. “Maker above, mando must hate me.” sometimes you wondered if he regretted asking you to come. But he doesn't really seem like the type of person to let you stay if you annoyed him. “Ok bug, here's the plan. What im gonna do is i will say hey when he comes back, sound good?” you look for confirmation from the creature and he gives you a slight tilt of his chin. Satisfied you continue, “and i will uhm say good night and good morning every day until he responds or tells me to shut up.” you finish with a huff of breath. This will either end with you finally finally getting to have real human interaction or left on some random ass planet god knows where.     

Mando makes his way back to ship feeling the pebbles crunch beneath the heavy sole of his boot. This planet was a desert planet much like nevarro, he wondered if you missed home. Mean no shit she's probably homesick dumbass he thinks its not like he was doing anything to make the ship feel welcoming. Like talking to you. But you made the ship feel like a home for the kid and that's more than he could ever want. You probably didn't realize how much what you were doing meant to him. You made the kid happy, you were giving him something that mando never could, a mother figure. Mando tried his hardest to be what he thought was a father for the kid but it was hard. He had to go and work and it wasn't safe to bring a kid so he was often swept around to different planets and left for hours by himself waiting for mando to come back and it was hard on mando. But you, now you were there. And the kid was always safe with you. He should probably teach you some self defense he thought considering how dangerous being associated with him was especially considering you needed to protect the child. But honestly, mando had no idea if you knew how to protect yourself, you might, space is a dangerous world. He only knew that you were a teacher but that was it. Slightly alarming that he implicitly trusted you without any prior knowledge of you or your credentials. You could be a bounty hunter assigned to kill him for all he knew, or to steal the kid, but you probably would have done that by now. Mando didn't know what made you trustworthy to him. You just were. And that terrified him. 

You're sitting in the cockpit with the child pretending to fly the ship as he gurgles happily in your lap. you giggle at the little guy and make finger guns and pretend to shoot an imaginary monster outside the window, “i'm the most fearsome bounty hunter in the guild,” the child lets out a particularly loud noise at that, “uhhh yes i am dont laugh at me, i am feared far and wide across the galaxy,” you tickle his sides with that one. youre so into playing with the kid you don't realize mando was back and is staring at you from the entryway to the cockpit. “You think i could take on your daddy, bug? You think it'd beat him in a shootout? Huh?” you say with your fingers poised and ready at the window.

“Not a chance,” says a deep voice that vibrates into the floor. You let out an embarrassing startled shriek and feel your heart do twenty somersaults and settle in your feet. The child screams at the interruption and immediately wiggles out of your grasp and waddles to Mando giddily. 

“I-i i was uh joking, really i was,” you stutter out cringing at the incredulous tone your voice comes out as. Remembering your resolve to talk to him you continue on even though you feel like you might throw up your breakfast from nerves. “He misses you during the day,” gesturing to the child, “so i pretend to be you” you finish realizing that sounds super fucking creepy, “well not like- you- like- you,  but i pretend to like uh pilot the ship and uh shoot um things?” you ramble lamely. A huff sounds from the mandalorian and if you allowed yourself to think wishfully it was laughter. 

“Doesn't surprise me. Before you he came everywhere with me.” you feel your eyebrows raise. Everywhere? Shit. 

“Must've been difficult to complete jobs and have to keep track of him,” you say nodding your head towards the little lump of brown wool. Mando offers you an affirmative grunt before setting the child down and turning on his heel towards the fresher. So that was an improvement, you think. Got ten whole words out of him. You feel a grin split your face. Hopefully this means you are past the dancing around each other relationship. And maker above, his voice, wow. If only you could wake up to that every morning. Deep and melodic. You wonder how deep and gravelly it sounds in the mornings. Or how your name would sound tumbling off his lips in pleasure. Nope. not going down that path. That is NOT platonic thoughts. You literally had your first conversation with him since the first day you met him and you're already thinking about that? Seriously pull yourself together. You don't even know what he looks like, or how old he is. Like what if he's like 70. And really ugly. What if your having sex dreams about someone like your grandpa. Ew. Your face contorts at the thought of Mando looking like your grandpa. Okay gross stop. You need to get to know him. Have civil conversations. Push down the gross thoughts. Even if his voice sounds like honey. And home. 

You're sitting in the chair behind the pilot seat reading a random book Mando left out on the scattered floor. Its some type of mechanical manual so its truly riveting. Note the sarcasm. The child's asleep, and seeing as though mando is cooped up in his room this book is better than twiddling your thumbs mindlessly. You decided that if you were going to stay on mandos ship you should at least try to pick up some mechanic skills. Better than the rudimentary at best you had at the present moment. You knew how to fix blatant errors in engines and how to reconnect wires if the instructions were explained thoroughly and very slowly. Okay maybe you didn't really know anything past engines. But that was better than nothing? Kinda? You sigh closing the book after rereading the same sentences about pre-imperial versus post-imperial hyperdrives. Maker what was the difference? The both made the ship go super fast or something? Was that the hyperdrive? You shook your head feeling the thought start to culminate into a downward spiral of what a hyperdrive truly was. You looked around the cluttered hull and decided that you should probably occupy yourself by cleaning up the mess. Mando might appreciate it, it'll also make you less of a deadweight on the ship. It was crazy how much shit one man and his child could accumulate on one tiny ship. You don't think you had ever seen this many small metal bowls in one place. The stack currently in the corner probably contained about 12. In what universe would 2 creatures ever need the same bowls 12 times. Well you guess now it's three. The thought filled your chest with a balloon of warmth only to be popped by the realization that you weren't part of the little family mando and the child were. At best you were a business associate. The kids stand in caregiver. Babysitter.

 The realization that you didn't have anyone to call family at your disposal fell heavy on your shoulders. Sinking you into the corner of the hull. You dont think youve ever felt more alone. In the cold corner of the hull with a hand pressed to your chest in an attempt to quell your ragged breaths.  Like a small raft cast into the oceanic expanse of space. If you drowned, who would notice? Certainly not your family, they were maker knows where, probably light years away. You didn't even know what sector you were in anymore. What would your father think of your decision to leave nevarro? You hadn't seen him in a while but you remembered the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. And how he would hug you after a long day. Hold you like you were still his little girl. The craving for a warm embrace from a solid body slammed into you with all the force of a meteor. Leaving you stunned and lost. You briefly wondered how mando coped. How did he deal with the overwhelming feeling of loneliness?  How did he leave his guild? Did he miss them? Were they like a family? Did he think about them often? How did he cope with the lack of touch? Or did he not think about it at all? Did he not need it? Was he so disconnected from the world through his beskar that he couldn't remember the feeling of someone's fingers on his skin? Etching a path with the searing heat they exuded. Hearing approaching footsteps you attempt to pull yourself together. Regulate your breathing, get rid of tear tracks and lose the flush coloring your face. You could do this. As he rounded the corner he stopped. You peered up at him from your curled up position on the floor and offered him a smile that felt unconvincing even on your lips. He tilted his head slightly at you and made his way cautiously to where you were. He bent slightly and offered a brown leather clad hand to you. For a second the only sound heard was the faint crackle of his breathing in his helmet. You could see him faltering. Here he was offering you comfort in your clearly distressed state and you were pointedly ignoring it. You laced your fingers with his and nearly doubled over from the strength he exuded into pulling you up. As soon as you were fairly steady on your feet you marveled at your hand shocked by the warmth creeping through the leather of the glove permeating into your palm. He sighed, a deep release of tension from his shoulders followed. “What's wrong?” he said, his hand still lazily grasping your fingers. You looked at him, what was wrong?

“How do you do it?” you said echoing his words from your first meeting to him. his thumb dragged a slow line along your wrist. When he didn't respond you added, “how are you okay with being alone?” if you could see his face you would say he looked taken aback. He released your hand.

“I'm not.” he offered. Confused as to which question he was answering you remained silent hoping to prompt him to continue. He started again, “I'm not alone, not truly. I have him.” he gestured vaguely to his sleeping quarters where the kid slept. He rubbed the back of his neck, 

“And neither are you.”

[schrijverr]

Translation Error

Bakugo’s mom is Dutch and at home, he speaks Dutch. He hadn’t realized the class hadn’t caught on yet, until he’s calling with his mom. After that, they notice more Dutch things.

(AKA, I’m Dutch and I’m having fun with making Bakugo Dutch as well)

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none, but tell me if I missed anything!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bakugo Mitsuki had not always been a Bakugo, she’d not even always been Mitsuki. Before she was a Bakugo, she had been a Jansen, Marjolein Jansen, and her parents had moved from the Netherlands to Japan for her fathers job.

But that had been when she was eleven and she was fluent in Dutch, teaching it to her son when he was young.

They were a multi-lingual household with Mitsuki swearing in Dutch as she stubbed her toe while Masaru told Bakugo to put on his shoes in Japanese.

Katsuki took great pride in the fact that he spoke two languages, often teaching swearwords in Dutch to the other kids on the playground.

However, after a few years the novelty had worn of for most and it became just another fact of life that Kastuki would sometimes swear under his breath in a different language or forget an easy word only to grumble a weird word until he had found the translation.

Being in a Japanese school and watching Japanese media, however, ensured that Katsuki was much more comfortable in Japanese than Dutch. Even if Dutch was the language he spoke at home, so by the time he entered UA, he hardly ever spoke Dutch outside of his mom and grandparents.

Since he hardly ever spoke Dutch, it took a long while for everyone in his class to even notice that he could speak another language.

Of course, when you were running for your life it was hard to notice that your friend was chanting “kut, kut, kut, kut,” under his breath instead of a more familiar swear and you didn’t see them talking to their mom at school.

So, it wasn’t until they moved into the dorms together that people started to notice it.

The first instance was mostly brushed off. Bakugo and Midoriya had been talking about hero training classes when Bakugo said: “We never really did more- more- more,” he snapped his fingers, obviously annoyed, and grumbled, “godverdomme, reddingswerk, wat is dat ook alweer?” he looked at Midoriya and repeated, “Reddingswerk?”

Midoriya shrugged, he didn’t know what the Dutch word meant. Bakugo groaned, before explaining: “What we did with Thirteen.”

“Rescue?” Midoriya offered.

“Yeah, that’s the bitch,” Bakugo said, “We never really did more rescue work after that, now did we.”

“Hmm, yeah, we should ask Iida about that, as class rep, he might be able to do something about it,” Midoriya agreed and the conversation continued normally.

He already knew of the Dutch and hadn’t been phased by it, while most the class had only heard the tone Bakugo used, which was as usual annoyed and angry, not really registering the language as different.

The next time someone could have noticed, but didn’t was when he was helping Kaminari with his English homework. Kaminari groaned: “How can you keep track of all these letters? It’s so confusing.”

“I already knew the alphabet,” Bakugo shrugged, remembering how his mother had showed him how to write down his name differently and the fairytales she used to read to him.

“That’s nice, wish that were me,” Kaminari said miserably, looking at his homework.

“It’s still fucking confusing,” Bakugo huffed, thinking of the English pronouncing ‘a’ as ‘e,’ while pronouncing ‘e’ as ‘i,’ or why they couldn’t say the ‘w’ like a normal person. He blinked out of his thoughts and said: “Oi, focus again, Battery-boy.”

Kaminari startled and whined, but turned back to his homework with much displeasure.

A few days later, Bakugo stubbed his toe on the table near the couches when he got up to grab himself something to drink. He grabbed his foot and swore: “Godver de tering zooi. Kut, kut, kut. Holy shit, godver. Wat een tyfus tafel. Fuck that hurt. Klere ding.”

Everyone blinked at the outburst, before Mina asked: “What the fuck was that?”

“That’s called swearing, Raccoon,” Bakugo glared at her, “Who even put this table here?”

“The school, idiot,” Jiro shrugged, not really looking further into the weird noises that had come out of Bakugo’s mouth, because she didn’t think it above him to know obscure swears, just to add to his repertoire.

Bakugo glared at her as well, but the throbbing in his toe had subsided and he wasn’t really looking to pick a fight when they were about to watch a movie. So he dropped it and just went to grab himself a drink.

It was not until his mother called him that people truly caught on to the fact that it was an entirely different language, instead of some weird swears here and there. His phone rang while on the couch and he groaned when he saw who was calling.

Kirishima asked: “Who’s mama?”

“It’s my mom, dumbass,” he said, before swiping to pick up and saying: “Hallo met is Katsuki, waarom bel je me, heks?”

The person on the other side of the line said something, while Kirishima and Mina stared in confusion at the incomprehensible babble coming out of Bakugo’s mouth.

“Kon dat niet wachten?” Bakugo replied after a moment, getting up to get a bit of privacy as he spoke, “Ik zit hier beneden nu met mensen, we zijn ons huiswerk aan het doen. En dat is pas over een week, ook nog, by the way. Waarom val je me daar nu mee lastig?”

Midoriya came in and Mina whispered to him: “What’s he doing?” with a nod to Bakugo.

The other boy looked at Bakugo just as he said: “Nee, ik heb het al met Aizawa besproken, ik kan gewoon dat weekend naar huis komen. Hij snapte ‘t toen ik uitlegde dat opa en oma van ver komen.”

So, Midoriya shrugged: “Talking with his mom, I suppose. I don’t speak Dutch, sorry.”

“Why is he even speaking Dutch?” Kirishima asked, completely confused.

“Because his mom is Dutch.” Midoriya was confused by Kirishima’s confusion, surely they knew this already?

A few more people walked in and looked between the three confused teens and Bakugo, who was oblivious to the stares Mina and Kirishima were giving him.

He nodded even though his mom couldn’t see and said: “Ja, dat weet ik. Ik heb het opgeschreven. Ik ben niet achterlijk hoor, heks. Natuurlijk vergeet ik ‘t niet.”

A silence fell, in which the newcomers also had a chance to be confused. Then Bakugo hung up with a: “Ja, ja, doei, spreek je later. Doe de groeten aan papa enzo.”

Bakugo turned back to see half the class looking at him and he snapped: “What are you all looking at, eh?”

Midoriya, god bless his heart, spoke up for everyone and explained: “I think they only just realized you’re half-Dutch.”

“Why? Are they dumb?” Bakugo frowned, he hadn’t made the conscious effort to hide it.

“Oi, we’re not dumb,” Mina got out of her stupor.

“Yeah, Bakubro, you could have told us,” cried Kirishima.

“What is that thought?” Bakugo said, “Should I have made an announcement out of it? Do the klompendans while hanging out the Dutch flag? Like what do you want from me? I didn’t even try to hide it.”

It was quiet for a moment as most had to concede that was a pretty solid point. In the end Tsu asked him: “Can you say something in Dutch?”

“Am I a circus monkey or something?” Bakugo growled.

Hagakure jumped in as well: “Please, Bakugo, I missed most of the phone call, I wanna hear what it sounds like.”

More people rallied behind her and Bakugo gave in, saying: “Jullie zijn allemaal stom en ik haat het hier.”

“What did you say?” Mina asked.

“I said that you’re all stupid and I hate it here,” Bakugo said, before turning to walk away.

During dinner that evening more people nagged him. Mina and Kirishima wanted to know what the phone call was about (it was his mom asking if he had gotten permission to come home to see his grandparents next weekend) and the people who hadn’t been there to see wanted to hear what Dutch sounded like (Bakugo hit the closest of said people and told them nothing).

After a while, Momo mused: “I thought your mother’s name was Mitsuki. That’s a pretty Japanese name.”

“Her actual name is Marjolein, but no one ever pronounced or wrote it right, so she just says it’s Mitsuki,” Bakugo shrugged.

“How do you even spell that?” Kaminari wondered.

“You’re not good enough at the Roman alphabet for me to spell it out to you,” Bakugo told him, before adding: “And I’m not sure if it’s the long ij or the short ei.”

Kaminari frowned at the insult, then said: “You just made the same noise twice.”

“Yeah, but one is i j and the other is e i,” Bakugo explained, “It’s the same sound, okay. You just write it differently. I think it’s the short ei, but I never use that name for her. I’ve only heard opa en oma call her that.”

“Who?” Kirishima asked.

“My grandparents, like grandpa is opa and oma is grandma,” Baugo said, hoping they would stop asking him questions, because he was tired of explaining and he just wanted to eat his dinner in peace.

Luckily most had caught on to his annoyed tone and left him alone, but Bakugo could feel that this was something new and interesting that would hold their attention for a while.

He was right, because that week he was often asked what the Dutch word for something was or what the thing he just said was (it was usually swears), but he managed to survive ‘till Friday when he got to leave campus for the weekend.

They were walking back to the dorms, so that Bakugo could grab his stuff, before leaving to go see his grandparents, when he got a notification. He looked and said: “Fuck yeah, m’n opa en oma brought me hagelslag.”

“What is that?” Kirishima asked.

“It’s- uhm, beleg- stuff you put on bread,” Bakugo explained, knowing this was very a Dutch thing and was already pretty weird in countries that ate bread regularly, “I’ll probably bring it with me Monday.”

The others nodded and Bakugo said goodbye, before leaving, excited to see his grandparents again after so long. They had moved back to the Netherlands when he was five, saying they missed their country. He didn’t understand, because it always rained in the Netherlands when he’d been there and he got nearly hit by a bike multiple times.

He had a blast that weekend by excluding his dad from as many conversations as possible while catching up with his grandparents.

Returning on Monday, he had to do a double take when Kirishima greeted him in Japanese and asked how his weekend had been, before he remembered that it wasn’t all Dutch anymore. He said it was good, before sliding into his seat.

That lunch break he got out some sweets from his bag, reluctantly sharing them with his friends: “They gave these to me, something about their youth and shit. Whatever.”

Mina held up a little brown stick like candy and asked: “What’s this?”

“A kaneelstokje,” Bakugo answered, seeing her helpless look, he expanded: “It’s - what that fucking word again - kaneel, uhm… ah, yeah, cinnamon. It’s a cinnamon stick. When you bite it feels weird, but they’re nice. I also have the cherry version.”

With a curious hum Mina stuck it in her mouth, then she bit and grimaced, before mumbling: “That was harder than I expected.”

“Your mistake,” Bakugo shrugged, shoving a stroopwafel in his mouth.

A few tables over Midoriya spotted them and skipped over, asking Bakugo: “Did they give you those pig head candies?”

“Biggetjes?” Bakugo asked, “Yeah, here. I don’t like these, but they keep giving me them. I would much rather have the monkey ones.”

“Those have licorice on them, Kacchan,” Midoriya made a face.

“They’re nice, now fuck off, nerd,” Bakugo grumbled.

“Pig heads?” Hagakure asked.

“Yeah, it’s in the shape of a pig head and it’s a fruit gummy,” Bakugo shrugged, “The ears are slightly different and the monkey version is part licorice.”

“That’s weird,” Mina told him.

“Then you’re not getting more candy,” Bakugo shot back.

“No, I wanna try the cookies. I’m sorry,” Mina quickly said.

With an eyeroll Bakugo handed her a stroopwafel, explaining that it was a hard waffle with hardened syrup between it. He had eaten them hot and soft once and he didn’t get the rave about them fresh of the hotplate, he much preferred them cold.

They ate the foreign candy with interest asking about them and laughed about the guttural pronunciation that it had to them, marveling how Bakugo could make the hard ‘g’ sound, while they struggled.

And the next morning the whole class came together to stare in horror at Bakugo’s breakfast. He had put butter on a slice of bread, then put chocolate sprinkles on it. When Jiro had asked what the fuck he was eating, he scowled and said: “It’s hagelslag, okay, Earbuds.”

“That’s hagelslag?” Kirishima asked, stumbling over the word.

“Yeah,” Bakugo, “Almost everyone eats it. You also have vlokken, but that’s just hagelslag except flat and a bit bigger, though they also have hagelslag XL. There’s also a fruit version, but that’s just flavored hardened sugar.”

Uraraka looked at Bakugo’s plate and said: “This just feels off.”

“Well, then don’t look at, ey, Round-face,” Bakugo growled as he hunched protectively over his plate.

“Can I try?” Kirishima asked.

Bakugo eyed him suspiciously, before handing him a bit of his bread. He watched as Kirishima tried it, face morphing into a grin as he said: “Dutch kids are lucky. They get to eat chocolate for breakfast. Are you sure parents condone this?”

“My grandfather has never eating anything different for breakfast in his life,” Bakugo said.

“Nice.”

And with that they decided that this wasn’t really something to get on the blond’s nerves about, since it wasn’t really a big deal, and the conversation moved on to different topics.

But the knowledge that Bakugo was multilingual settled as normal in the group over time and explained how here and there he would say something incredibly weird, seemingly thinking it’s normal.

No one had commented on it before, but now it was easier to understand why.

For example, when they were having a collaborative training with class 1-B, Kirishima punched Bakugo’s arm and said: “You should give a pep-talk. Come on, Bakubro, inspire us.”

“Nah, Midoriya is better at sticking a heart under someone’s belt than I am, he should do it,” he replied.

“What?” Kirishima asked, confused

“You know, encouraging people and shit?” Bakugo asked, only getting more confusion back, “No, not Japanese?”

“No, bro,” Kirishima grinned.

“Well, it still makes sense,” Bakugo grouched.

“I would say no,” Mina commented.

“Shut up, Raccoon,” Bakugo huffed, “It makes sense. You give someone your heart for courage and the best place to store it is on your belt. Like in Medieval times.”

“Still weird.”

“And you still have to shut up,” Bakugo shot back, “Just focus on beating those pompous motherfuckers.”

Because in the end, it didn’t matter which language he spoke, he stayed Bakugo. Swearing and competitive Bakugo.

~~

A/N:

Fun fact: a lot of foreigners have trouble with our ‘g’ which somehow can also be written as ‘ch’ as well as our double vowels, like ‘aa’ and ‘ee’

As for all the translations:

Kut means cunt, literally, but it is used like you would use shit (and yes, learning the verb cut in English class was very fun and completely misused)

“Godver de tering zooi. Kut, kut, kut. Holy shit, godver. Wat een tyfus tafel. Fuck that hurt. Klere ding.”

Goddamn the [swear] mess. Cunt, cunt, cunt. Holy shit, goddamn. What a [swear] table. Fuck that hurt. [Swear] thing.

When I put [swear] it’s bc I cannot explain why we swear with it and I do not want to put in the mental effort of explaining it and just saying it will make it sound worse than it actually is

The phone convo isn’t really interesting, but if anyone wants to know what Bakugo said:

“Hi, het is Katsuki, waarom bel je me, heks?”

Hi, it’s Katsuki, why are you calling me, witch?

“Kon dat niet wachten?”

Couldn’t that wait?

“Ik zit hier beneden nu met mensen, we zijn ons huiswerk aan het doen. En dat is pas over een week, ook nog, by the way. Waarom val je me daar nu mee lastig?”

I’m sitting downstairs with people right now, we’re doing our homework. And that’s in a week, as well, by the way. Why are you bothering me with that now?

“Nee, ik heb het al met Aizawa besproken, ik kan gewoon dat weekend naar huis komen. Hij snapte ‘t toen ik uitlegde dat opa en oma van ver komen.”

No, I already talked about it with Aizawa, I can just go home that weekend. He understood when I explained that grandpa and grandma came from far.

“Ja, dat weet ik. Ik heb het opgeschreven. Ik ben niet achtelijk hoor, heks. Natuurlijk vergeet ik ‘t niet.”

Yes, I know. I wrote it down. I’m not an idiot, witch. Of course I wouldn’t forget it.

“Ja, ja, doei, spreek je later. Doe de groeten aan papa enzo.”

Yes, yes, bye, talk to you later. Say hi to dad etc.

Only when translating this phone call did I realize how many filler words we have that don’t make sense in translation, so I just left them.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #461

“this city looks so pretty, do you wanna burn it with me?”

Have you ever wanted a Nikon camera? Or do you have one already? My camera before the one I have now was a Nikon D3200. I use a Canon now. Who was the last person (if anyone) you said Happy Birthday to? A friend. Do you have Photoshop? If so, how often a day do you use it? I have it, but I barely use it nowadays. I use it to edit photos for character profiles or profile pictures, add a watermark for my actual photography, and I used to make Mark-oriented gifs like crazy. They mostly did really well, so... I might wanna get back into that and get That Sweet Validation. Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? No. Have any of your exes gotten married or had kids since your breakup? None, I think. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression. Can you tolerate children for a long period of time? NO. Have you ever lived with someone you felt thoroughly uncomfortable around? No. Are you into dubstep? Yeah, I tend to enjoy it. Zelda or The Sims games? Can I pick neither? lol I don't feel very much at all for The Sims, and Zelda games have always looked... boring to me? Like I've watched most of the Game Grumps' playthroughs of all the games, and they make it hilarious of course, but the games themselves? Nah. Are you terrible at assigning bands their proper genre? YES YES YES YES YES YES. Even in my preferred category, that being metal, FUCK if I know the sub-genre. Have you ever made out in a closet? No, that shit sounds claustrophobic as hell. Have you ever been to a laser tag place? Yeah, on a triple-date once! It was SO fun. How do you wanna celebrate your next birthday? Have a couple friends over, pig out at The Cheesecake Factory. o3o Do you tease your parents about them being old? No, especially not Mom. She's self-conscious about getting older. Are you in love with someone? "In love" is a bit too far, buddy. But I love someone. Have you ever ridden a unicycle? No. Have you ever wanted a pet bunny? I was VERY serious about getting a lop-eared bunny for quite a while, but we just couldn't afford to adopt one (even off Craigslist) and get a cage for it, toys, etc. Are the bottom of your feet clean? I HATE seeing the bottom of my feet. Not because they're dirty, but because it's Callus City. I ain't even fuckin jokin'. Do you like really salty food? Yeah. :x When’s the last time you bled a lot? Well, I just recently finished my cycle after not menstruating for three or four MONTHS, so you can figure that one out. Have you ever watched a needle go into your own skin? Yeah. I like to know exactly when it's coming. Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo? Yes to both. When you’re done eating finger foods, do you usually lick your fingers? Usually kasdjlf;kalsdjf shut up ok I like food. What’s the most racist thing you have ever said? As a little kid, when my really good friend (a neighborhood kid, even) asked if he thought we'd be a good couple, I told him no because "blacks and whites don't date" or something like that. It was an idea I'd never been exposed to before; the idea was so foreign to little kid me. I had no idea I was being racist. It ended in a small fight and we didn't talk for a few days 'til he came to my house telling Mom that he had to "be a man" and fix this and if that ain't the cUTEST SHIT RIGHT THERE. We were friends again after that. He's still on my Facebook, and he actually semi-recently got married! :') Do you know someone that is mute, deaf or blind? No. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Does weed smell good? Or no? Ugh, no. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? Successful and happy she kept pushing. Mama to so many reptiles that are blessed with the best lives possible in human care. Got at least one amazing book out there. If she's reading this, you've fucking got this. <3 Would you like to have twins? Mother of fucking god, no. Even if I WANTED kids, do fucking not give me twins. Who was the last person you got into an argument with? My mom. Want to have kids before you’re 30? Once again, I don't want kids, but IF I did, that'd be preferable before the risk of birth defects and other issues climb with age. Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? My older sister has my initial. Do you think somebody’s in love with you? No. Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in ten years? Yes, I genuinely do. Who were the last people to hang out at your house? Miss Tobey, our friend and landlord. Does anyone like you? Welp... I hope he still does. Guess we'll figure that out soon. What person on your Facebook do you talk to the most? VIA Facebook? Probably my friend Lyndsey. She likes to comment on stuff I share. Do you want to fall in love? I do, but I'm also utterly horrified to and risk being hurt again. Are you interested in more than one person at the moment? No. Once I realized I was so deeply into Girt, all other romantic feelings kinda just... poofed. How was your last break up? Civil and done with both of our best interests in mind. What is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to say? Probably the first time I admitted I needed to go to the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I was so, so scared of what it was going to be like. What is the hardest thing you NEEDED to hear? That if Jason wasn't happy with me, he had every right to move on. She was right. Do you treat yourself well? No... but I'm trying to change that. What was the last song you sang out loud to? This "Set Fire to the Rain" cover. Do you take good pictures? I think I do? Have you ever done any internship? No. What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? Holy shit, so much, especially when it comes to morality and political stances. I am now a massive supporter and member of the LGBTQ+ community, I'm pro-trans rights, pro-choice... I've done like a dozen 180s in a lot of topics. Do you know anyone who has a PhD? I mean, some doctors, but no one in my truly personal life. Do you know anyone who works as a lawyer? Yes: my cousin. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? LAKSDJFKLA;JWD NEVER AND I PRAY TO THE HOLY LORD THAT I NEVER DO. Does the thought of having wrinkles when you’re older upset you? Not massively? Like literally everyone gets them and is natural and inevitable. Do you know anyone who’s struggling with addiction? I know one alcoholic, and one that's probably borderline. I also have two friends who are extremely addicted to weed. Look me in the eyes and say it's not an addictive substance and I wouldn't believe you one bit. Is there a video or computer game that you can get lost in for hours? Eh, sometimes World of Warcraft. Some days I'm really into it, and others I barely touch it. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? I have no clue. I don't even remember movies that were made *for* Disney exclusively. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. We have a friend from the dance studio mow the lawn. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? My iPod has a whole live album of Ozzy. Did you or do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Both did and do. Britney is a boss bitch. Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? Male. Have you seen the movie Moulin Rouge? No, but I've seen some of that P!nk music video of the song and it brings out the Gay in me. Do you have a key to anything besides your house? No. Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? I've done that before. I miss doing puzzles... Have you ever been to any sort of convention? I went to a reptile expo with Sara!! I REALLY want to go to another when my legs are stronger and can handle standing and walking so much. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom. Have you ever tried to walk on a moving vehicle and fallen over? No????? What is your favourite kind of bread? Is there any of that in your house? Pumpernickel. No. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? I played the flute all through middle school and I wanna say half of HS. Have you ever ordered an unusual drink at a bar? Never even been to one. Have you ever been pulled aside by security at the airport? I think once for some reason I don't recall? What is your favourite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times) Gingerbread men, probs. Or chocolate bunnies!!! :') How do you feel right now? My stomach is KILLING me. I'm super excited though that Girt is coming over tomorrow. Have you ever had surgery that kept you in the hospital for over a day? No. What would you like your generation to change? How we treat nature. Is there anyone that you truly could not live without? No. I learned that is a very unhealthy mentality to have. Do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? I just hate carrots. What restaurant did you last go out to dinner at with friends? With friends? I couldn't even guess. Does your refrigerator have an ice maker or do you use ice cube trays? It has an ice maker. Do you have a favorite sibling, if any? No; I love them all. Do you have a favorite brand of clothing? I STAN CLOAK. How’s the love life? Something new might start tomorrow. I think it will. Do you watch the news? No; that shit is depressing. Who do you admire most? Mark. Do you have a favorite album? Black Rain by Ozzy Osbourne takes the cake and always will.

[miss-pearlescent]

LIFE UPDATE (lol)

Hello, this is going to be a long-winded life update because I simply want to just talk about things that have been going on and why I don’t update on a consistent basis :)

One of the reasons is above! Last week (two weeks ago??) I covered Naughty with a friend! Please check it out :D Honestly, this didn’t take away from my writing at all because I do random covers all the time, but I just want the views lmao HUMOUR ME! (I’m the one in white). Oh, and please don’t comment anything about my writing/fanfiction/tumblr on that video! I keep this blog pretty private.

Anyway, what did take away from my writing is A WRITING COURSE! Can you believe :) the :) irony :) I signed up for this writing course because I’ve always really wanted to publish a book aka basically give birth. As a teenager, I followed a few YA authors like they were gods, and when I attended signings, I was starstruck! I’d be like, “Girl, your mind!” So there I was, looking up how to publish a goddamn book and realizing that there were so many things to it other than just writing. It was discouraging to say the least! Then two years ago, I mentioned my hobby to my therapist and she suggested taking a writing course.

She (bless her heart) even searched up local colleges for me and opened my eyes to the fact that educational institutions held entire courses dedicated to romance writing. Wow. Of course, I rejected her idea because of the kind of person I am.

I’m kidding.

I’m not.

LOL ok so I was like “I don’t want to take a writing course because I don’t want people to judge my writing and tell me to write romance a certain way or else it doesn’t feel organic. And what if I lose my interest in it? Then what will I do with my free time? And what if people find my shit really fucking weird? etc”

I put the idea off for a year and finally came back to it last year when I found myself taking frequent trips to the library to write for a whole day. I would buy a Booster Juice, some sushi or Subway, and then I would park my ass on a plastic library chair for 5-8hrs straight. Come Fall/Winter, with the knowledge that I had some basic self-discipline (lmao), I looked into writing courses. I decided to take an online romance writing course that would start February 2020.

Guess when my country began seeing COVID cases? February 2020. Oh boy!

So my lifestyle changed, my work changed, and then I have school work?!?! My dumb ass hasn’t touched anything school related in three years. I was like “you know what? I’m going to try! I’m going to want to learn, and I’m going to put in effort.” Holy shit!!!!! I’ve learned that school still stresses me out lol it doesn’t matter that my grades literally don’t matter in this course. I’m still stressed.

That’s not to say I didn’t like this course. I really enjoyed it because I actually did learn a lot. My instructor (professor???) was also really...ELOQUENT LMAO Her lecture notes would spill mad tea but in the most polite way possible. I have yet to see any of my marks or read any of her comments (due to my fragile ego) but I am excited to do so.

One example of her brilliance in getting her message across is this little section about active vs passive verbs. We’ve all done this lesson hundreds of times in high school, but OMG the line that she uses at the end really solidifies the difference! After reading that, I decided not to skip any of the other readings lmao home girl had my respect.

OK ANYWAY! Back to me stressing! I was very stressed with every assignment. It was nice to be challenged to write differently (creating better mood, fleshing out characters more) because the end products were all...”nice”. But that shit took so much energy that I couldn’t write anymore! I couldn’t think of new plots that I was interested in :( It also didn’t help that I was going through other personal issues, and my libido was nonexistent. As a result, I have so many intros to stories because I’ve had to force myself to think of something for this course, but I never was truly interested in them to actually write it all out from start to finish. Not to mention, I have not written a sex scene since February lol

Then came the final assignment that I just submitted two days ago. OMG. It was a straight up publisher’s package. You had to have a 20pg manuscript. You had to write a query letter/cover letter. You had to research which publisher you would submit to. IT WAS SO SCARY.

I was going to write a whole new story for this manuscript but after writing 4k words, literally nothing was happening in the story and I was so bored. So I scrapped it all and took one of my most recent stories (Universal Differences, but in third person lmfaooo) and tried to tweak it. It was soooo difficult!!! Of course, I also procrastinated this whole thing because procrastination is one of my character traits. On the last three days, I pulled 8-10hrs non-stop everyday to finish it (unrelated, but I watched the SuperM 100 MV after one of these days, and I had to close my laptop immediately after the video because I felt like the MV was attacking me to stay awake LOL). There were so many times where I legit hated myself and my writing and nearly cried because I would think back on all the love that you guys gave to that story and then I’d be like “THE STORY (and, in turn, me as a person) IS SO UNDESERVING OF ANY LOVE AT ALL.”

See, this is why I went to a therapist a few years back loooool I had to rewire my brain to dissociate my writing from myself. I had to keep reminding myself that even if my prof didn’t like it, I would still get good feedback at the end of the day and none of that feedback would reflect me as a person. That even if she told me that I was never going to be able to ever publish anything, there are many writers who were told the same thing and came out of it alive and prosperous because they continued to work hard. I have a whole ass template now of what to send to a publisher/agent. If I wanted to, I would have the skill base to take a story and know where to direct it for publication.

And I would have the confidence to do that!!! Because I’ve already done it once!!!

Something cute my prof said when one of the students said they were overwhelmed:

[ I think it can help if you just think of it as the business processes of that industry - and not you laying your heart and soul out in front of some stranger to judge. :)]

;____________;

OK that is all for now, I think! Since I have submitted my final assignment, my imagination has come free of its reigns so I hope to get more stories out to you guys! Thank you for the requests too! The wilder they are, they more they get my brain going hehehehehehehhehe have a good week everyone~

[master-sass-blast]

Questions and Answers.

*grins* It’s time.

TIME TO VALIDATE MY PARKING, HOLY SHIT!!!! I SPENT TWO WEEKS WRITING THIS FIC AND THREE DAYS EDITING IT!!! IT’S 13.6K WORDS LONG!!! I REFERENCED EVERY SINGLE OTHER FIC I’VE EVER WRITTEN FOR THE CHC IN THIS FIC AT LEAST ONCE!!!

I’m gonna toot my own horn, dammit. I worked hard on this, I know it’s good, but for the LOVE OF CHEEZITS PLEASE I WANT THE COMMENTS AND INTERNET LOVE!!!

No summary, because that would literally give everything away --but I would hope the title makes everything evident.

Rating: T for language, implied sex, mentions of sex, nudity, mentions of abuse, mentions of angst, and a literal buttload of fluff.

Set after everything that’s been written for the CHC thus far.

Special thank you to @leo-writer for proofing this for me.

Taglist: @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @super-darkcloudstudent, @girl-obsessed-with-things

Your morning alarm goes off on your phone, pulling you out of your slumber and into a brand-new day.

You flail around aimlessly, eyes squeezed shut, until you manage to find the wretched device and shut the alarm off. You sigh when the bedroom you share with Piotr falls silent once more, then roll over so you can see out the balcony windows and open your eyes.

It’s a beautiful late spring morning. The sky is a flawless shade of blue. Golden light streams through the windows –Piotr must’ve opened the curtains when he got up, since he knows it helps you wake up.

Speaking of which, Piotr’s not in bed with you. Which isn’t all that unusual, admittedly. He’s a consummate morning bird, and often takes advantage of the early hours of the day to work out, draw, handle official X-Men business, or spend time grading and working on lessons. There’s been plenty of mornings where you’ve woken up to an empty bed and a text or two on your phone, reminding you to eat breakfast and letting you know where to find him if you need him.

Except there aren’t any texts on your phone this morning.

There is, however, a large white envelope on Piotr’s nightstand, addressed to you. It’s propped against the lamp, and your name is written on it in thick, bold letters –Piotr’s handwriting, from the looks of it.

And that is unusual, because both of you know that your tendency to overlook basic details of your environment makes leaving physical notes a bad idea; texts, on the other hand, are safe because you always keep your phone on you.

So, the deviation from the norm, plus the way the card has obviously been staged to get your attention, means that Piotr is definitely up to something.

You pick up the envelope and rip it open.

Inside is a handmade card with a picture of a little forest scene on it –you’ll recognize it later as the scenery outside the sunroom in the little house Piotr stays in on his art retreats—which further confirms it as Piotr’s handiwork.

You open the card and start reading it.

Myshka,

Happy Anniversary.

You blink, then check your phone’s calendar function. Shit, how’d that happen? It was last fall, like, two seconds ago.

I wanted to do something special for you today, so I hope you will not mind that I planned scavenger hunt of sorts for you. There are several envelopes like these around the house, and they will lead you to each place on journey. (I recommend you follow in order, instead of looking at random; it might be confusing otherwise.)

You smile broadly; it’s just too damn sweet.

And completely on the nose for you, because you definitely would’ve searched the mansion at random for the cards if he hadn’t told you to go in order.

Anyway.

Unfortunately, to make sure everything runs smooth, I will not be able to join you. I will see you at end of day, when you have finished your journey. (If there is emergency, you can always reach me on my cellphone.)

All of my love to you always,

Piotr

You have to take a minute to process it all; it’s so unbelievably sweet and thoughtful and Piotr that it makes your heart ache. How did I get so fucking lucky?

You take a deep breath to calm yourself, then read the line of text at the very bottom of the card.

Hint: Most important meal of day.

You grin at the card, then bound out of bed, course set straight for the kitchen.

 ***

 There’s a plate of food waiting for you when you arrive –chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, fruit, the works.

The kitchen’s empty, but the food’s still hot. There’s no sign of anyone else around, so whoever cooked your breakfast –most likely Piotr, considering he’s not one to make others do extra work for his own ideas—must’ve started cooking at the last possible second, then booked it when they heard you coming down the stairs.

There’s also an envelope next to your plate, addressed to you in Piotr’s handwriting.

You get settled in the dining room –also conspicuously empty—with your plate, then open the envelope.

Myshka,

I think one of ways I am most blessed in our relationship is being able to eat my breakfasts with you. Whether we are talking about the future we want to have or I am taking care of you after a wild night, starting my days with you helps me put myself in proper perspective. Your positivity, resilience, and humor reminds me of what is truly important, and forces me to consider with which mindset I want to handle my day.

I have always said breakfast is most important meal of day, but I do not think that became completely true until I could spend them with you.

Love,

Piotr

You have to take a minute to collect yourself because holy shit Piotr. You feel caught off guard and overwhelmed and so unbelievably loved.

Before you can overthink it, you pick up your phone and dial your boyfriend’s number.

He answers on the second ring. “Privet.”

“You’re not allowed to make me feel soft and vulnerable like this,” you whine, making sure he can hear your smile in your voice. “You can’t just turn me into a puddle of mush with your notes and compliments, Piotr. I have a reputation of being a badass to maintain.”

He chuckles. “My sincerest apologies, moya lyubov’ –thought something tells me you are not actually complaining.”

“Not in the slightest,” you confirm with a grin. “I just… I feel bad because I don’t have anything for you. Definitely not anything like a scavenger hunt.”

“No feeling bad,” he says quickly, albeit gently. “Today is as much for me as it is for you. Trust me, I have had much enjoyment planning all of this.”

“I don’t doubt it, but it doesn’t seem fair.”

“It will be. You will see.”

You sigh. “Well, alright. You’re the world’s greatest boyfriend, you know that?”

“I do not care much for being world’s greatest boyfriend, just yours.”

“Well, you are my world.”

You hear him let out a little breath over the phone, and you know you’ve managed to touch the soft parts of his heart with your words. “Thank you, msyhka. I… I can only hope I am worthy of it.”

“You are,” you say with utter conviction. “There couldn’t be anyone worthier.”

He lets out another little breath, and you can hear his smile in his voice when he speaks again. “Thank you, myshka. Have you eaten breakfast yet?”

“Not yet. I wanted to talk to you first.”

“You should eat breakfast. It is—”

“The most important meal of the day, I know,” you finish with a grin. “I love you, sweetheart.”

“And I love you, dorogoy.”

“I’ll see you at the end of the day.”

“Khorosho.”

You hang up, then smile at your phone for a moment before setting it down so you can start in on your pancakes and consider the next hint for your scavenger hunt.

Hint: I could not hide anything from you.

This one’s a little more cryptic than the last one. You furrow your brow as you munch away at your pancakes, trying to think of what Piotr might possibly hide from you.

The trouble is, of course, that Piotr’s never hidden anything from you. Everything about him and who he is stems from his trustworthiness and honesty; his teaching, his role as a mentor, his art, his identity—

A lightbulb goes off in your head and you grin like a maniac. Of course. You chuckle to yourself, satisfied, and set the card down so you can finish eating.

You know exactly where you need to go next.

 ***

 As soon as you finish eating, you head to the library –and sure enough, there’s an envelope addressed to you waiting for you on one of the tables.

Actually, it’s on the same exact table Piotr had been sitting at when you saw him out of defense mode for the first time.

You have to take a moment to smile and appreciate his attention to detail before you rip the envelope open.

Myshka,

At risk of sounding sappy, I think of moment we shared in here often. I had waited so long for you to know how I felt –and to know if you felt anything for me—that receiving any sort of confirmation… it was great relief, to say the least.

I hope you know how much I cherish every day I have spent with you –those we have been together and those we have not—and how precious these past years have been to me.

Love,

Piotr

You can’t help but smile at the card and take a moment to sit back in one of the chairs. I’m gonna die from a sweetness overload today, you realize. I’m gonna read one of Piotr’s notes and just keel over from how sweet and kind and thoughtful it all is.

There’s no better way to go, in your opinion.

You take a deep breath, do your best to calm down, then pick up the card again so you can read the hint.

Hint: you may want to get dressed for the day.

It says something about Piotr that he knows you well enough to know you’re still in your pajamas.

You chuckle to yourself and head back to your room.

***

 Illyana’s waiting for you, sitting in Piotr’s desk chair when you walk in.

You blink, shocked. “What… how…” You stare at her, synapses short-circuiting as you try to figure out just how she’s here and why she’s not in Russia. “…Hi.”

She smiles. “Hello.” She holds up a white envelope with your name on it. “I was told to give this to you.”

Which is automatically suspicious –not because you think she’s lying, but because Piotr isn’t the type to have other people do his work for him.

And if he has his family here, that means he’s got something big planned.

“Uh, yeah,” you finally say. You gesture with the other cards –you’ve stuck them back in their envelopes for the time being—that you’ve been carrying with you. “He’s been doing that today.”

“That he has.” She stands, hugs you briefly, then hands her envelope to you. “Happy Anniversary.”

You stare after her as she leaves, then close the door before opening the envelope.

Myshka,

One of the things I appreciate most about you is your impish nature.

You stop reading and roll your eyes –while smirking, albeit—because of course he’s bringing that up, of course.

Whether it is goading me into spending more “quality time” with you when lights have gone out, playing in corn mazes, coming up with fun ideas for all to participate in, embracing your inner child, or getting back at Wade, your zest for life and good times never cease to leave me amazed. You help me appreciate the moment instead of worrying about the future (even though it gets me into trouble some times). I will forever appreciate the lessons you have taught me about living life to fullest and appreciating those around you.

Love,

Piotr

You’re misty-eyed; granted you wouldn’t call it “goading” or “getting into trouble,” but you’re genuinely touched by his reflection on your personality and what he appreciates about it –and has learned from it, which is going to take some time for you to wrap your head around.

You press the card against your heart for a moment, silently appreciating your wonderful, sweet mush of a man, before holding it out again so you can look at the next hint.

Hint: Go to the place where it all became official.

You frown. What the hell does that mean?

There’s a lot of places that have “official” meanings to them since you’ve gotten into a relationship with Piotr –hell, since you first came to the Institute.

Okay, think. This is your anniversary. It’s going to be a place where some sort of specific milestone happened.

That, admittedly, does narrow down the field of options –but not by much.

You chew on your lower lip as you mentally wade through various possibilities. Okay, this is Piotr we’re talking about. It’s going to be from his perspective. What goes into making something official, if you’re Piotr?

Your brain immediately jumps to communication. Piotr’s a stickler for good communication; he likes making sure that everyone understands what’s going on, that everyone’s had a chance to give their say in a situation, to express their feelings, to agree or disagree…

Okay, so understanding the situation, giving your say, expressing feelings, agreeing and disagreeing, in the context of our relationship “being official…”

You almost gasp out loud when it hits you.

 ***

 After you get dressed, you head out to the property behind the mansion.

Specifically, to the tree that you and Piotr had sat under, later on the same day that you’d seen him out of defense mode for the first time; it’s the spot where he’d confessed his feelings to you, and it’s the spot where you two agreed to be in a relationship.

Official.

You step around the tree to where the bench still sits –and nearly fall flat on your ass when you see your uncle sitting there.

He grins up at you. “Hey, punk.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” You wrap your arms around him as soon as he stands, then poke him in the ribs when he laughs. “Be nice! I had no idea you were coming! Is everything alright?”

“Everything’s cool,” he says as he lets you go. “Just thought I’d drop by for a quick visit.” He pulls a white envelope with your name on it out of his pocket and hands it to you. “Your guy asked me to give this to you.”

You narrow your eyes at the envelope, then squint up at your uncle. “What the hell is going on?”

“I’m giving you an envelope.”

“No shit. I meant –why? Why are you here? Are you …in on whatever’s going on?”

“Because that’s how it works.” He smirks and ruffles your hair. “Happy Anniversary, punk.”

You stare after him as he strides off towards the house, then sit down on the bench and open the envelope.

Myshka,

I think this is one of my most favorite memories with you. Though I cherish every single memory I have with you, this is one I return to whenever I feel sad or lost. I am not sure if there is good explanation for why. I suppose, to me, knowing my feelings were reciprocated is what started this long and wonderful journey of sharing life with you.

Or, perhaps, reason why I reminisce does not matter. I know I love you, and you love me. That is enough.

Love,

Piotr

You can’t help but smile; the confession under this very tree is one of your favorite memories, too.

Hint: Go back to our bedroom.

You frown. You’ve already been to the bedroom once; it seems weird that you’d backtrack your steps –but, then, you aren’t the one in charge of setting up this scavenger hunt.

You slide the card back into the envelope, jam it into your pocket with the others, and take off across the back lawn.

***

 The changes are immediately noticeable as soon as you step over the threshold to yours and Piotr’s bedroom.

First, the bed is made; you’d forgotten to do it after you’d gotten dressed.

Second, your pajamas are in the clothes hamper, instead of on the floor.

Piotr’s been here, you realize. He’s still at the house.

Something about the thought of your boyfriend sneaking around the mansion to avoid being spotted by you and watching you follow his trail of clues makes you smile.

There’s an envelope with your name on it on top of your pillow.

It’s considerably larger than the other ones, almost stuffed to the point of being unable to close.

You open the envelope –which doesn’t take much effort, considering it’s about ready to pop on its own—and withdraw several sheets of paper.

Myshka,

I like to think of our room as our little sanctuary. Sometimes, in a house full of other people, it is easy to feel that you have no privacy, or to feel overwhelmed by everyone else. However, when I step into our room, I feel at home.

You feel the same way.

We have shared so many memories in our room, yes? Your first Halloween (and you telling me you wanted to marry me), taking care of each other when ill, comforting each other from nightmares, even just moving into together; there are so many memories, it is hard to count them all.

Sometimes, when I cannot sleep, I wind up watching you rest while I contemplate our life together until I can rest as well. I do think myself blessed for every moment I get to spend with you, but remembering such nights brings me a unique sense of peace and steadiness.

Granted, not all memories we have here are… pleasant ones. I think it pointless to pretend that our relationship has not come with struggles; every relationship has difficulties, and while memories of fights we had do not bring me joy, I will confess I do not feel any particular shame about them (aside from what my own behavior and actions contributed, of course).

We have had to learn a lot about each other and how to work together –or how to work with each of our family’s… unique circumstances. I know I have –from learning about your uncle (and struggles leading up to that moment), to arguments about responsibilities, to learning to not let my fear control me as it relates to you, or even in moments when you worried nothing would change or you were caught in an internal spiral, I know for certain that my relationship with you would look entirely different if we had not faced those moments together.

Is it wrong of me to say that I do not regret having to face those struggles (aside from what my own behavior contributed)? I would never say they were pleasant, but I know you so much better and deeper from having gone through them –to say nothing of myself; you have challenged me to be better person –whether it relates to myself, my family, you, or others—countless times that I honestly feel that I am better person for having gone through all of it. If had to chose between facing those hardships or never facing them at all… I would still choose to face them, even knowing consequences they bring.

I am more grateful than words can say for knowing you and having known you. I would not be man I am today without you.

All my love,

Piotr

You’re crying –and you’re grateful that you opted to not put on makeup when you got dressed, because it all would’ve been ruined after reading that letter.

You can barely fathom that Piotr is grateful for all the hell the two of you have gone through together; you know he’s not lying to you, that if he says he feels that way, he does, but…

It’s rare enough to find people who stick with you through the good times and the bad, but to find someone who appreciates the bad times and struggles because they were able to learn about you and themselves?

You dial Piotr’s number before you really even realize what you’re doing.

“Privet.”

“You know you’re the single best human on the planet, right?”

He catches on quick to the fact that you’re crying. “Myshka, is everything alright? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just my heart’s in pieces after reading that letter,” you say with a laugh as you try to dry off your cheeks. “I just… I just wanted to let you know that I feel the same way. I wouldn’t trade the struggles we’ve had to go through, either. Some of it sucked, but… it’s worth it. And I feel like I know you a lot better for having gone through all of it, too.”

He goes quiet for a moment, then sucks in a shaky breath that tells you that he’s tearing up, too. “I love you very much, Y/N.”

You sniff and continue the –largely unsuccessful—process of trying to dry your face. “I love you too, Piotr.”

“Are you okay? Do you need me to come see you?”

“I’m alright,” you reassure him, smiling. “I just wanted to let you know how I felt. And to say thank you for sticking with me through everything.”

“You do not need to thank me,” he says, “though I am equally grateful for your staying with me.”

“Quite the impasse, huh.”

He chuckles. “Da. Very.”

You chuckle with him. “Alright, I’m gonna check the hint and figure out where I need to go next.”

“Khorosho. Call me if you need anything.”

“I will. I love you, Piotr.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

You hang up after saying good-bye, then reach over to your nightstand for some tissues. You blow your nose, dry your face, then scan the bottom of the last page for the hint.

Hint: Go to the place where future finally started.

You sigh as you stare down at the line of text. What the fuck? Okay, okay, think like Piotr. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Protein bars. Four or five moments. Language, please.

You snicker to yourself, amused, then buckle down on figuring out what the hint means.

The phrase “finally started” seems to imply some sort of beginning –maybe a milestone or goal of sorts—that couldn’t –or wouldn’t—get going for some sort of reason. So, a milestone or goal in your relationship that was a frustratingly long time coming… a location attached to said milestone or goal…

You nearly smack yourself upside the head when it hits you. Of course.

 ***

 Admittedly, you’re not as sure of your guess on this hint as you are the other ones –but this is Piotr you’re dealing with, the antithesis of “pulling a fast one” if ever there was one.

Which is how you find yourself quietly padding through the medical wing at the mansion, counting off the rooms there until you find the right spot –the room where you’d gotten your diagnosis after the whole ordeal of getting hit in the head with Mikhail’s energy burst and recovering the repressed memories.

It’s empty –which is fortunate in multiple senses—save for one very blue, very furry Doctor Hank McCoy.

He looks up at you and smiles when you knock on the doorframe. “Y/N.” He picks up a white envelope with your name on it and holds it out to you. “I’ve been told it’s yours and Colossus’s anniversary.”

“It is,” you say as you accept the envelope. You gesture with your other hand, which is holding all the other envelopes you’ve collected. “He’s been sending me on a scavenger hunt.”

“Well, good luck and happy anniversary.” He pauses at the door as he heads out. “One of the healers will let you know if we need this room.”

And just like that, he’s gone.

You sit on the edge of the bed –there’s not really anywhere else to sit—and rip the envelope open.

Myshka,

It struck me that several points of our relationship have happened in medical wing. Between injuries from missions, other incidents, and aspects of your recovery, we have spent a great deal of time here.

I will admit now that I hope we do not continue this trend in the future.

You snort.

I know diagnosis was long time coming, and that we talked much about what it meant for our future, together and as individuals. However, I hope you know that my end-goal in our relationship has always been your –and, by proxy, our—well-being. I have always truly been happy to be your partner, whatever that looks like, regardless of whether you found diagnosis or not.

You smile softly and press your hand against your heart. I’ve always known, baby.

All that said, I am very happy you were able to find diagnosis –not just for what it means for our future, but for you as well. You are happier and more confident now that you are receiving best treatment, and I love you more every day as I watch you heal and grow into best version of yourself.

I love you and all your versions. Always.

Love,

Piotr

You have to wipe a few tears away from your eyes by the time you’re done reading the card. He’s such a mush. My mush.

It’s borderline staggering to think about how far you’ve come over the past few years. You went from being a kid trapped in their room to being an adult woman in charge of her own life and future –one who kicks a lot of ass, at that. You have friends, a family, colleagues, a job, a partner…

You’ve come a long way; you’ve got a lot to be proud of.

You smile to yourself for a moment, then scan the bottom of the card for the next hint.

Hint: go to gazebo.

You smirk. Well, at least this one’s easier to figure out than the last one.

***

 There’s a little white gazebo towards the far reaches of Xavier’s property. It’s a popular spot for teenaged residents to hook up at –and also a spot that you and Piotr have shared a couple picnics at. You know he likes to draw there –there’s some good views of various trees and flowers from the benches in the gazebo—so it’s not surprising that he would’ve tacked it on the list of “places to have Y/N go on during scavenger hunt.”

What is surprising, however, is that Mikhail’s sitting on one of the benches when you walk in.

He greets you with a slight smile and gestures with a white envelope. “I was told to wait here.”

“When did he tell you to wait here?” you ask with a short laugh.

“Earlier than necessary.” Mikhail hands off the card with a rueful chuckle. “I am supposed to say ‘happy anniversary’ also.”

“How many times did he remind you to say it?”

“Seven.”

You make a noise that’s somewhere between a laugh and a groan. “Well, I mean, it worked. You didn’t forget.”

Mikhail grunts. “I think I will not forget for next fifty years.”

“Sorry.”

He shrugs. “Could be worse. Anyway, I leave you to it.” He gives you a little wave, then promptly teleports away.

You shake your head –you’re still not used to that—then sit on one of the benches and open the envelope.

Myshka,

I know we have not shared many moments here, but there were two in particular that held enough significance that I felt need to include this spot on your little journey today.

You frown at the card for a minute until the “specific moments” he’s referring to hit you. Shit.

The aftermath of your nasty encounter with Dwight and the aftermath of the incident during the end of year school trip. Not exactly easy things to forget.

I know they are not pleasant memories, but to me they are important because when I was at my lowest moment, you were there to keep me from falling. You helped me find my sense of self and resolution to whatever internal conflict I was feeling; there are no words to describe just how grateful I am for that.

I think the reasons these memories stand out so strong to me is because I know you feel… you feel like do not bring your own merit to our relationship. That all I do is take care of you.

I just want you to know that you help me as much as you say I help you. You have helped and supported me so much in these past years, even if you do not see it. I hope one day you can see yourself how I see you: strong, confident, beautiful woman, with heart whose size is only rivaled by her spirit.

Love,

Piotr

You’re back to feeling overwhelmed and soft and so loved all over again.

You’ll never understand how you got so lucky; you’ve always felt so raw and feral around most of the X-Men, all sharp and rough edges and a little wild behind the eyes. Compared them, you’re a broken heap of junk, battered and fragile from years of abuse and mistreatment.

And then the sweetest, kindest, gentlest, most decent man that ever existed came along and saw a person worth loving instead of a junk heap.

You’re not entirely sure whether that makes you a person worth loving or a junk heap, at the end of all of it. Your self-esteem has improved by miles since arriving at Xavier’s –more so since starting therapy—but there are still days where you can’t look yourself in the mirror for fear of what you might see.

But Piotr is honest, in words and actions. If he refuses to put faith in a person –or even consider putting faith in a person—then that person has to be the most despicable, unredeemable piece of shit to have ever walked the face of the earth.

And if he loves you…

You have to step back from that train of thought before you get too overwhelmed and focus instead on what the next hint says.

Hint: go to chair outside Alyssa’s office.

You frown. It’s not hard to see why he would include a location in reference to your being in therapy; it’s been integral to your recovery –to say nothing of your relationship with Piotr—but he’s always so conscientious about keeping the boundaries between therapist and patient clear. You can’t imagine that he would ask Alyssa to hold onto an envelope for you…

Well, except the hint says the chair outside her office. Not Alyssa herself.

You get up off the bench with a grunt and head towards the house.

***

 There’s no envelope propped in the chair when you reach the area where the handful of counselors’ offices are housed.

For a moment, you panic that someone’s taken it –but Piotr’s more careful than that. He would’ve considered that this area of the mansion is open to multiple residents, and that placing a random envelope on the chair would leave it liable to be taken or get lost.

You slide your hands between the frame of the chair and the cushion, then underneath the cushion itself.

Nothing.

You frown. Where the hell is it? Did someone pick it up for me? Or throw it away?

You’re half-tempted to call him and ask him where he put it, but the stubborn part of you wants to figure this out all by yourself.

Okay, Y/N, think. If I were Piotr, and I was trying to leave a note where only one person would find it in an open space, where would I put it?

There’s not an obvious answer. Piotr is the antithesis of being secretive; even when he’s trying to surprise you, it’s still pretty easy to get at what he’s doing most of the time.

Okay, you tell yourself. His mom is in the mafia, formerly an assassin. Some of that has to have rubbed off on him –least of all knowing how to hide something.

But that doesn’t yield any fruitful answers either. The inner workings of an assassin are ultimately a mystery to you –intriguing, but not something you can identify with.

You almost give up before it hits you. I’m thinking about this the wrong way.

Today is about your relationship with him. If Piotr’s hiding something for you to find, then he’ll have hidden it in a place he knows you’ll look.

Okay. If I was going to hide a letter on a chair, where would I put it?

That’s an easy answer: you’d tape it to the underside of the chair.

You crouch down on all fours and peer under the chair –and, sure enough, there’s a white envelope with your name on it taped to the underside of the seat.

You pry it free, then retreat down the hall from the counseling offices until you feel like you’re a respectable enough distance from the space to read the next note.

Myshka,

I did not want to make it through today without mentioning your journey with therapy. I know it was scary for you at first, and watching you grow more comfortable with it and face down your problems leaves me so proud and inspired every day.

I also appreciate when you bring the knowledge you learn from your sessions into our relationship. I enjoy learning from you, and being able to grow with you is greatest privilege.

Love,

Piotr

You smile and sigh happily, feeling warm and loved from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You text Piotr a slew of heart emojis –and grin when he texts several back to you—before moving on to the next hint.

Hint: we got busted here.

Why can’t they all be “go to this place?” you ponder as you puzzle over the cryptic line of text. Why do I keep having to work for everything?

Truly, life’s greatest mystery.

Well, fortunately, there’s some strict limits to what “busted” could be. Piotr’s pretty strict about following the rules, and since it says “we,” that means you both crossed some sort of line.

You flip through your mental rolodex of times you managed to convince Piotr to break some sort of rule. What could it be?

You outright guffaw when it hits you, then take off for the jet hangar.

 ***

 It takes a couple tries –the X-Men have more than one jet, because apparently Charles has untold troves of wealth—but eventually you find an envelope addressed to you in one of the cockpit seats.

You smirk and take a moment to savor the memory –the one time you’d managed to convince Piotr to fuck you on a flight back from a mission—before opening the envelope.

Myshka,

I admit I still do not understand your desire to have sex in public spaces –though it does keep you quiet, so perhaps there is some benefit after all.

Your jaw drops. You have to reread the first line twice to be sure of what you’ve just read, then let out a shocked laugh as you dig your phone out of your pocket. “You little shit,” you say when Piotr picks up. “I’m sitting in the X-Jet –Piotr, you’re such a little shit—”

He bursts out laughing on the other end of the line, evidently immensely pleased with himself. “I mean, I am not wrong.”

“Oh, yeah, you’re so fucking clever,” you continue, grinning broadly. “I am gonna get you back so hard. You have no idea. You’re in for it, buster.”

He chuckles. “Have you read rest of note yet?”

“No. I was too shocked by your opening. I had to call you.”

“Evidently.”

You can practically hear the smug smile in his voice; you roll your eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Vengeance is coming, Piotr. I will find a way to get you back.”

“Of that, I am certain.” He chuckles again. “I love you, myshka.”

“I love you too, sweetheart. I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“I do not doubt it.”

You say good-bye, then hang up and finish reading the note.

Obviously, there is more to our relationship than intimacy –nor do I think intimacy as most important thing. However, I do appreciate intimacy I have with you. Aside from obvious payoffs, I appreciate the trust you place in me. I believe there is something inherently vulnerable in sex, and the fact that you are willing to share that vulnerability with me says I am doing something right, in my mind.

Even if you want to be vulnerable in… strange places.

Love,

Piotr

You can’t help but roll your eyes, but it is sweet. You do feel touched. “Honestly, it’s not that weird, Piotr. You’re the weird one.”

Whatever. He’s the weird one. Not you.

Hint: We celebrated an anniversary and Valentine’s Day here, and planned our first date here.

You grin, then dart out of the jet and in the direction of Piotr’s art studio.

***

 It’s not something you say often, but you love Piotr’s art studio. It’s quiet, it’s calm, and it’s so full of color and light and life that it’s impossible to not love.

But it’s more than that. Anyone who knows Piotr would know that his art studio is almost a direct look inside his brain. The way he organizes his pencils by hardness, color family, and purpose in little jars on the bookshelf next to his easel. The way he keeps his paints similarly stored, but in a drawer so they don’t get overexposed to heat. The way he keeps a few miscellaneous pencils and pens in a jar directly next to his easel, always within reach if he needs to start a new project.

Attention to detail. Making sure the space is functional, both for him and for the needs of his equipment.

It’s how he keeps his favorite, final pieces hung on the walls in perfect rows, right next to the pictures his students have drawn for him. How his regular desk is veritably stained with different colors and nearly overflows with supplies –they’re all organized, it’s more of a quantity thing—because he uses an angled desk for all his serious drawing so he doesn’t strain his back or arm.

He’s meticulous, yes, but that doesn’t detract from the fact that he’s truly passionate about his art.

It’s the fact that he has three wastebaskets for the room –one right next to his drawing desk, for pencil shavings or scrapped concepts, one next to the regular desk for random trash, and a larger one tucked in the corner for paint rags and drop cloths that need to be washed.

He’s practical –and a little anal at times, if you’re being honest.

You love him so much.

Ellie, Russell, and Yukio are all waiting for you in the art studio when you walk in. Ellie has a white envelope, Yukio has your purse, and Russell’s playing some sort of game on his phone for the two girls to watch while they wait for you.

Yukio beams as soon as you walk through the door. “Happy Anniversary!”

“Thanks.” You nod at your purse with a grin. “I take it I’m gonna be needing that?”

“Yup,” Russell confirms, popping the ‘p’ as he stows his phone away. “It’s already got everything you need.”

“Thanks, guys. I don’t suppose you know what’s going on at the end of the scavenger hunt?”

The three of them exchange a look, then all attempt to smother smiles with varying degrees of success –or lack thereof.

Ellie does the best job at it, unsurprisingly. She just stands and hands you the note. “Obviously.”

“Figured as much. I guess you’re not gonna tell me.”

“Nope.” She latches onto Yukio’s hand once her bubbly counterpart passes off your purse and heads out the door. “Happy Anniversary.”

“Happy Anniversary,” Russell chimes in, closing the door behind him.

You huff out a little laugh and shake your head, then sit down in the armchair Piotr keeps in his studio before tearing the envelope open.

Myshka,

This studio has seen many important memories; I think among my favorites are celebrating our anniversary here (the effort you went to still amazes me to this day), making costumes for your first Halloween, and planning our first date here.

It is not something I ever mentioned, but I was deeply excited to take you on our first date. I had known by then that I loved you deeply, so much so that it was difficult to take things slow –not that it was any hardship to me. I knew even before we got together that you would need time to heal and come into your own, and every single minute it has taken has been worth it to know you are happier and healthier.

What I mean to say is that I knew from beginning that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I knew from that date that there would never be anyone who compared to you or made me feel the way you did. Every single day with you is precious to me, more than you could ever know.

Happy Anniversary, my love. May we have many more.

Love,

Piotr

You sigh deeply and smile at the note, then dig your phone out of your pocket.

You: Every day with you is precious to me, too. I hope we have many more anniversaries in the years to come.

Babe: <3

You pocket your phone again, then flop back in the chair.

You wish that he would spend the day with you. This is your anniversary after all, and it only seems fitting that any activities or celebrations should include the two of you.

But he did say that he’d see you at the end of the day. And you know he’s still at the mansion –or that he’s been popping out for stuff and coming back.

You check your purse on a whim.

Your sunglasses are tucked inside, as is your wallet, chapstick, a little pack of tissues… and your car keys.

You check the bottom of the card for the next hint.

Hint: go to car.

You’re leaving the house, then, which implies that he needs you out and very distracted for a while; he’s definitely planning something big.

He brought his family and my uncle in, you think, chewing on your lower lip. He’s getting me out of the house. It’s our anniversary. Is he…

You tamp down the hope brewing in your chest before it can manifest into a full thought. You don’t want to start obsessing over anything, especially if it turns out your guessed wrong.

But it could…

You tuck the thought away before it can go anywhere, instead focusing on tucking all the envelopes into your purse. You extract your car keys and sunglasses –in hindsight, you should’ve done that before you put the envelopes in there—then head out to the garage.

 ***

 Sure enough, there’s an envelope waiting for you in the driver’s seat of your car –you almost sit on it by accident, but that’s neither here nor there.

Myshka,

I know we have not had many opportunities to travel together, but you are my favorite co-pilot.

Unless you drink Red Bull.

You really should not drink Red Bull. It is not healthy. It does not even taste good.

Love,

Piotr

Hint: Last stop on our first date.

Well, that’s plenty easy to figure out.

You make to the put the card and envelope in the purse with the others, but stop when you notice a tiny note on the other side of the envelope.

First date, car.

You blink. What the… oh.

It’s a reminder, a little note to help him remember what the hint was about and where the card needed to be placed.

It’s definitely very Piotr, because you would’ve forgotten to do anything like that if you’d been in charge of all this.

You snort and shake your head, then stick your key in the car’s ignition. Alright, I’ll need to fuel up—

Except your gas tank is already full –and your oil’s been changed, which you’ve been meaning to do for… well, you’ve been meaning to do it.

You: Did you fill up my tank?

You: And change my oil?

Babe: Oil light was on for seven months. It needed to be done.

You grin; he’s just the sweetest.

You: <3 Aw thanks

Babe: Of course. <3

You: Wait did I really forget for that long?

Babe: Yes.

You wince. You could’ve sworn the oil light only came on… maybe a few weeks ago?

You: Shit.

You consider leaving it there, but you can’t resist the opportunity to rib him a little bit.

You: Also, vegetables don’t taste good either.

You: Just saying.

You grin when he sends back a laughing-face emoji, then put your phone back in your purse and drive out of the garage.

***

 The little spot –technically it’s just the historical part of a larger city, renovated and restored to be a tourist spot—that Piotr took you to for your first date has been a frequent fixture of your dates since then. It’s quiet, it’s beautiful, and there’s plenty do to there regardless of the time of year.

You stroll through the park that leads into the area with all the shops, admiring the greening trees and scads of flowers. It’s still the bare beginning of summer, meaning that everything’s still growing and coming back to life –and that it isn’t unbearably hot, which is always a win.

You do make a beeline towards the chocolate shop Piotr had taken you to at the end of your first date once you reach the street, though. It’s almost noon, you’re hungry, and chocolate strawberries sound like the perfect pick-me-up. You’re a woman on a mission, and nothing is going to stop you—

Except Neena is waiting for you outside the shop, eating chocolate covered cherries out of a paper bag and looking cooler than everyone else in a two-mile radius.

Which, admittedly, is worth at least pausing for.

She grins when you walk up to her and pulls you into a hug. “Hey! Happy Anniversary!”

“Thank you! And hey yourself!” You raise an eyebrow at her when you step back. “I’m guessing you have an envelope for me?”

“Yup!” She pulls an envelope out of her purse and hands it to you. “Have you been enjoying the scavenger hunt so far?”

“I have!” You smile softly as you run your fingers along the top edge of the envelope. “It’s kind of like taking a walk down our relationship’s memory lane.”

“That’s awesome.” She pops another chocolate covered cherry into her mouth, then straightens up and stretches. “Well, I need to get on the road. I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Alright.” You exchange hugs once more, then watch her go, replaying her words over in your head.

“I’ll see you later, okay?”

Which seems to imply that Neena might be around at the end of the scavenger hunt, whatever that is. And that, combined with the fact that your uncle and his family is here…

Your stomach growls, jolting you from your reverie. Right. Food. Specifically chocolate covered strawberries.

Piotr texts you after you’ve made your purchase and are on your way out of the shop.

Babe: Do not just eat chocolate for meal.

You snort –but you can’t pretend to be offended, considering that had been your whole plan.

You: Fine.

You: But only for you.

Babe: <3

You swing by the sandwich shop that he’d taken you to for your first date; you get a sandwich and a drink to go, then walk back through the park.

And then you see the bench the two of you had sat on after stopping at the chocolate shop, and –well—it just seems too perfect.

You send a picture of your sandwich to Piotr.

You: Proof that I got real food.

You: Also I’m sitting on the bench we sat on at the end of our first date. :)

You: I just wish you were here with me.

Babe: I am very happy you have real food.

Babe: I wish I was with you also.

Babe: We will see each other later. I promise.

You tuck your phone back in your purse, then tuck into your sandwich.

It’s a little weird being out of the house without Piotr –or someone else, at least. Given your track record for getting kidnapped –not that it was your prerogative to get kidnapped—or into general trouble, you rarely leave Xavier’s; if you do, it’s always with someone, if only to make sure you aren’t being stalked or aren’t in danger.

But this is an area Piotr knows well; it’s as safe a place for you to be as anywhere else, all things considered.

That, and he probably figured you would’ve been pissed off if he’d assigned you a babysitter for the day.

Which, admittedly, you would’ve been.

Besides, there isn’t even a modicum of suspicious activity in the park today. Kids are playing on the playground, parents are watching from nearby, the odd jogger or dog walker are strolling along the walking paths. It’s completely normal.

You’re also sitting at a highly visible point that isn’t easy to sneak up on, and have the ferocity of the average badger. That, and I can just stomp anyone who tries to mess with me. No way in hell I’m getting kidnapped on my anniversary. No way, no how, no doing.

You take a deep breath and focus on your environment for a moment to bring yourself back to the present. You’re safe, and you’ve done everything you need to do to stay safe. No need to obsess on it to the point of freaking yourself out.

You tie into the strawberries once you finish your sandwich –Piotr’s habit of “saving treats for later” still hasn’t rubbed off on you—then wipe your hands on a napkin when you’re all said and done before opening the envelope.

Myshka,

It goes without saying, but I truly enjoy our date time. Whether we are going out to for day or staying in to watch movies, any time I can spend with you is wonderful.

I truly value your companionship. You make my days brighter, regardless of what happens. I am looking forward to spending many bright days with you in years to come.

Love,

Piotr

You smile down at the card –despite the fact that the passersby probably think you look a little nuts—and sigh happily.

You love him. You love him so much it hurts.

Hint: You were impressed when I took you here for dinner.

You chuckle to yourself and toss your lunch trash in a nearby trashcan before heading to your car. Yes, darling, I was very impressed.

***

 The drive out to Grant’s restaurant takes a decent chunk of time; it’s mid-afternoon by the time you arrive, and you haven’t managed to figure out who you’re supposed to meet between leaving the place where you’d gone on your first ever date and arriving at the restaurant.

You know Grant is an old friend of Piotr’s, and it makes sense that he might want his friend involved in today in some way, shape, or form; you, however, don’t know Grant all that well. Everyone that you’ve gotten envelopes from today have been people you’ve known for a long time or Piotr’s direct family.

That, and you can’t see Piotr asking Grant to help while the restaurant was open. Your boyfriend’s courteous to a fault at times, and you know he wouldn’t want to throw a wrench into Grant’s workday –especially if something went wrong or you got caught in traffic.

You suppose it might be possible that Piotr would leave the envelope with a hostess, but that seems to contradict the whole “using people we both know” things—

And then Nikolai and Alexandra get out of their car the same time you get out of yours, which completely answers any questions about what the fuck you’re supposed to be doing right now.

“Hi!” You exchange hugs with Alex, then Nikolai. “I didn’t realize you two were in town as well!”

“Surprise visit,” Nikolai says with a smile. “We were told to keep secret.”

You raise an eyebrow; that only confirms that your boyfriend is up to something, and that he’s got some sort of surprise waiting for you when you finally head back home, whenever that is. “Do you two know what’s going on?”

“Of course,” Alex says with a grin. “Medvezhonok sent us here for lunch date.”

You can’t help but smile. Sweet and thoughtful in everything he does.

“Oh.” She withdraws an envelope from her purse. “And to give you this.”

“Yeah.” You open your own purse and show off your growing collection. “I’ve been getting several of those today. Am I close to the end of the hunt?”

Alexandra smirks and shrugs, while Nikolai makes a bigger show of not knowing the answer.

“Alright. I get it. That’s for you to know and for me to find out.”

Alexandra chuckles. “Basically.”

“Well, I hope you have a good lunch date. The food here is amazing –oh, and Piotr did the artwork here for his friend. You’ll be able to see it in the dining room.”

Both of the Rasputin parents express their delight over the new knowledge before exchanging hugs and goodbyes with you and heading inside.

You opt to head back to your car and open the envelope as you plop down into the driver’s seat.

Myshka,

I admit that it took me time to adjust to your not liking being spoiled –at least, not with overly grand gestures. Perhaps I am dated, but I do believe that it is man’s duty to spoil woman he loves. Which, of course, is not to say that women cannot spoil their partners, or that gestures of affection should not be mutual effort. However, after watching my father love and take care of my mother growing up, I knew that his behavior –generosity, romantic, unabashed kindness—was something I wanted to emulate; I like to think it has not led me wrong.

And though I am sensible –as you so often call me—I do like charm and romance of grand gestures. I enjoy planning and anticipation that goes into such things. I enjoy watching your face light up when you realize what I’ve done. I am happy to tailor my ideas to your comfort and preferences, but I do appreciate when you let me “pull out all stops,” as it were.

At any rate, I hope you will not spend today worrying over whether you have done enough for me. My pleasure today truly comes from watching you be happy… and possibly later, if I know you as well as I think I do.

Love,

Piotr

You snort and pull your phone out of your purse.

You: You’re definitely right about later. ;)

Piotr: I will keep that in mind. ;)

You chuckle and shake your head as you put your phone away, then sit back in the driver’s seat to think for a minute.

He’s right that you’re not one for grand gestures. There’s something about over-the-top dates or lavish gesture that just… make you feel like collapsing in on yourself until you disappear from view.

Well, that’s not completely right. You don’t mind doting on Piotr. It’s being doted on that makes you feel uneasy.

If you were to guess, you would say that a lifetime of feeling like you weren’t worth anything and always feeling subpar in the eyes of everyone probably damaged your self-esteem to the point where any sort of gesture –romantic or otherwise—made you feel uneasy and unworthy, and that the grander the gesture, the more you feel convinced that the person doing it will realize that you’re not worth it and abandon you, and… ah, shit.

You take a deep breath and make a note on your phone to talk to Alyssa about it in your session, then do some meditation to calm yourself down. Existential revelations can wait, dammit; today is your day to be happy.

You open your eyes once you’re feeling calm and positive again, then check the card for the next hint.

Hint: Not best day we had, but I still appreciated my time with you here.

You frown and start racking your brain. Does he mean personal? Did we go on a date that ended badly?

That’s what makes the most sense, considering that the scavenger hunt clues have all tied into your relationship or locations that feature heavily in your relationship –but you and Piotr haven’t really had any bad dates. The only one that stands out is…

Is the movie date where you were both kidnapped and taken to Dwight’s lair.

It’s possible, but something doesn’t feel right about it. You know that event was deeply, deeply scarring for Piotr. You seriously doubt that he’d take you back to the theatre where you were both taken; that, and the card said “day,” which implies that the bad event was limited to a single day. The two of you had been in Dwight’s clutches longer than that, which would further rule it out.

You spend several minutes racking for your brain, but the movie-date-turned-kidnapping is the only bad date you can think of. You can’t even remember a date where the two of you had a fight or an argument; you tend to keep things contained to the mansion, specifically your shared bedroom so you don’t upset any of the other residents. Any time the two of you get to spend alone together is sacrosanct, and you’re both careful to keep it that way.

When you don’t come up with something after a few more minutes of fruitless pondering, you give in and call Piotr.

“Privet.”

“Babe, I can’t figure out the most recent clue. I’m trying to think of any bad dates we’ve had, but all I can think of is the movie date where we got kidnapped by Dwight’s goons?” you explain. “Am I forgetting another really bad date we went on, or is that what you meant?”

“Nyet, nyet, nyet,” Piotr exclaims quickly –which was the response you expected. “Absolutely not. No, I meant beach. Where we took kids, and residents disliked my being Russian.”

“Oh! Duh.” You can’t help but laugh. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.”

“I think it was hint. I worded it poorly. I was considering making it ‘you dropped me in water here,’ but I was not sure if you knew what I meant…”

“No, I would’ve guessed that right away,” you say when his voice trails off, grinning impishly. “I can remember all the times I punked you, big guy.”

“Impressive, considering you do it so often.”

You cackle. “Hey! I’m not that bad!

“Konechno net. You are model resident.”

“Exactly. I never break the rules.”

“…”

“I don’t hear you agreeing, baby.”

“Lying is unethical, myshka.”

You laugh along with him. “Very funny.”

“I try.”

“And you succeed.” You stretch your back, then jam the envelope and card in your purse along with the others. “Alright, I’m gonna get going. I love you, Piotr.”

“And I love you, Y/N.”

You hang up, then start your car and pull out of the parking lot outside Grant’s restaurant.

You’ve got a lot of driving ahead of you.

***

 You reach the beach a couple hours later –you have to stop and refuel along the way, which adds a little time to your trip.

You inhale deeply as you step out of the car. The smell of salt in the air is strong, and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore is deeply soothing.

You take a minute to lean against the hood of your car, enjoying the breeze and the scenery. So far, everyone you’ve need to meet up with has found you or been in plain sight. You can afford to take a minute to relax and stretch your legs.

And sure, enough, you don’t have to wait long to figure out who you need to talk to next. Before you can start to wonder if you should get up and look around, you spot Wade and Nate strolling along the beach, hand in hand.

You grin, hop of the hood of your car, and traipse across the sand so you can greet them. “Hey, guys!”

Wade pulls you into a massive hug. “‘Hey’ yourself, crackerjack!”

Nate hugs you from the side once Wade sets you down. “How’re you doing, kid?”

“Really good. It’s been a fun day.”

Wade waggles his nonexistent eyebrows at you. “And it’ll be more fun once you and Metallica are finally alone together.”

“Yeah, well, that’s for me and me alone to know, dorkus.”

“Gasp!” Wade presses his hand against his chest, feigning offense. “See if I give you the next step in your scavenger hunt now!”

You laugh and roll your eyes. “You do realize I could just take it from you, right? I’ve won nearly every fight we’ve ever gotten in.”

“Prepare to get your ass kicked, little sis.” He pulls a white envelope out of his hoodie pocket and holds it above your head. “Boom! Whatcha gonna do now!”

You give him a flat look, then hover up until you’re at eye level with his hand and pluck the envelope from his fingers.

“Dammit! Forgot about that!”

Nathan just chuckles. “It was a good try, handsome.”

“Define ‘good,’” you tease as you drop lightly onto the sand.

“Fine! See if I share my Gushers with you from now on!”

“I take everything back.”

Nathan shakes his head and smirks. “You’re both insane.”

“And?” You and Wade ask simultaneously.

“You’re dating me,” Wade adds. “And you basically adopted her.”

“Pretty sure that makes you the crazy one,” you agree with a nod.

“Whatever.” Nate latches onto Wade’s hand and squeezes gently. “We ought to head out.”

“Yup,” Wade concurs, popping the ‘p.’ “We’ll let you read your little love note in private; we’ll see you back at the mansion.”

“See you there.” You make your good-byes, then watch them walk towards the parking lot next to the beach, contemplating where to read your latest note at.

You could always sit in your car again, like you did at Grant’s restaurant, but… it is a really gorgeous day out…

You spy a picnic bench a few yards away and decide to sit there so you can better enjoy the sun, sand, and surf. Once you’re comfortably seated, you open the envelope and start reading the card inside.

Myshka,

During years I have known you, I have come to appreciate you in many ways –especially your ferocious love for those you care deeply for.

Perhaps it is because I am more passive, but your tenacity and protectiveness astounds me. I so often worry over offending others or taking wrong steps in confrontation that I forgo it altogether –which, as you have seen, does not always result well. You are so unbelievably brave and bold, and I admire you so much for it.

I hope that, as we go through life together, I can learn from you how to be braver and bolder myself.

Love,

Piotr

You can’t help but smile –part soft and part shocked—and lower the card so you can process everything you’re feeling.

It’s difficult to wrap your head around, to say the least. You’ve never felt particularly brave –bold, yes, but that doesn’t always put things in your favor. At any rate, there’s a lot that still scares you. You still have regular nightmares about your childhood, and while your anxiety is better, it’s still a daily struggle you have to work through. “Brave” is far from the first word you would use to describe yourself.

But, then, you’d probably default to words like “dumbass,” or “dork,” so maybe your opinion isn’t the end all, be all in this situation.

And, just maybe, there’s some truth in that. The perception and opinion of self is important, sure, but maybe there are times where you aren’t the best authority on your defining features. After all, how long have you called yourself “worthless,” and yet Piotr can see so many amazing qualities in you?

Piotr, whose honesty is one of his most defining qualities. Piotr, who invests in everyone around him and works to help them find the best in themselves. Piotr, who loves you and adores you despite your flaws.

Maybe… maybe you’re not as bad or “worthless” or “monstrous” as you think you are –as you’ve been told you are.

You sigh as you reflect on how far you’ve come and how hard you’ve worked to improve. I don’t know about brave… but I’ve made it through a lot. You smile to yourself. I guess I’m pretty tough, at least.

Tough’s good. Tough means endurance, and you’ve definitely got that in spades.

You let out a quiet, giddy laugh, then lift the card so you can read the hint.

Hint: Come back home.

Excitement sparks in your gut, and you tap out a quick message to Piotr letting him know you’re coming home before springing up and running to your car (well, as much as you can run on sand).

It’s time to see what your darling boyfriend’s been up to.

***

 It’s mid-evening when you pull into the gravel drive outside the mansion –and you’re immediately greeted by all the students, Ellie, Russell, and Yukio included.

You park your car a couple yards away from them. “Hey, guys,” you say as you step out. “What’s going on?”

“Mr. Colossus said to take you to the back yard,” Timothy says, grinning excitedly.

“You have to close your eyes though,” Kitty adds, lips stretched into a similarly enthralled grin.

You raise an eyebrow. “Uh-huh. And you all are gonna help me get to the back?” You chuckle when you get a chorus of “yeahs,” then close your eyes and hold out your hands. “Okay. Just don’t run me into anything.”

Several little hands latch onto your arms, and then you’re being half-guided, half-led away from the driveway and –presumably—towards the back of the Institute. Most of the kids are shorter than you and don’t understand anything about “walking calmly,” so it’s a little jerky and stuttered, but eventually you come to a stop.

“Can I open my eyes now?” you ask.

“Yup,” Ellie says. “Go ahead.”

You open your eyes –and immediately gasp out loud. “Oh my gosh!”

The backyard directly behind the house has been completely transformed –you almost don’t recognize it.

There are tables draped with soft white tablecloths, lined with white folding chairs –the nice kind that you’ve seen at expensive, catered events—and decorated with vases of small, pink flowers off to the side.

Twinkling fairy lights are strung everywhere; someone –several people, actually, there’s no way one person could’ve done all this—has put up delicate metal trellises and draped the lights over them, thus casting the space in a soft, almost aethereal glow.

Everyone’s here, too. The students, the teachers and staff, your uncle and found family, Piotr’s family, the other residents. There’ll all standing or sitting at the edges of the lit space, smiling at you as you take in all the changes.

And, at the other end of the space –a little further back so it doesn’t pick up glare from the fairy lights—is a projection screen.

“Here.” Ellie takes you by the elbow and moves you so you can see the screen better. “Stand here.”

“What on Earth is going on?” you ask, whipping your head around as a few people chuckle. “Where’s Piotr?”

Ellie just nods at the screen. “Watch.”

You turn your head back to the screen as it lights up. Soft guitar music players from speakers set up somewhere, not that you can find them—

And then a picture of you and Piotr flits onto the screen –specifically, one of the two you dressed as Persephone and Hades for Halloween.

Your face splits into a giant grin.

A slide show starts, slowly flipping from picture to picture, charting the course of your relationship.

There’s one from the first time you’d ever carved pumpkins; someone had managed to get a shot of Piotr watching you with an adorable, lovestruck expression on his face.

Another from your first Christmas season away from home –it’s of the two of you making snowmen together.

You grin when one of the pictures Wade had taken of the two of you kissing under mistletoe pops up; it’s still one of your favorite pictures of all time.

There’s a selfie Piotr had taken of the two of you early in the morning where you’re kissing his cheek –and one at the end of your first stay with him at his art retreat house where you can see a hickey peeking over the collar of your shirt, and oops that’s kind of scandalous.

The slideshow is as much of a walk down memory lane as the scavenger hunt; each picture brings crystal clear, golden-hued memories to your mind’s eye, dragging you further and further into a sea of lovestruck nostalgia.

You’re smiling so hard your cheeks hurt.

The slideshow also shows the extent of Piotr’s picture taking prerogative –obsession, whatever. There’s at least a hundred pictures, from the incredibly mundane –the two of you in your pajama, eating bowls of cereal—to the more elaborate –a more staged ‘end of the year’ picture that you’d both dressed up and posed for.

You cackle with everyone else when the picture Wade had taken of the two of you “doing” Seven Minutes in Heaven shows on the screen. Oh, no way in hell Piotr put that in there. Holy shit.

The slideshow ends with the last picture Aiden had taken of you and Piotr kissing –the one where he’d been completely armored down and had cupped your face with his hands.

You smile happily as you wipe away a few tears from the corners of your eyes. You’re beyond speechless, even as the screen goes dark; you can’t remember the last time anyone did anything this nice or elaborate for you, even for something as important as an anniversary.

A large hand settles on your shoulder, squeezing gently. “Privet, myshka.”

You whirl around and immediately pull your boyfriend down into a passionate kiss.

His hand comes up the back of your head, while his arm wraps around your back –he’s got something in his other hand, not that you can be bothered to care right now—effectively holding you to him.

You can’t remember the last time a kiss has felt this good –which isn’t to say that all the other kisses you’ve had with him have been bad. But between the anticipation of wanting to see him all day, the excitement of not knowing what’s going on, and the emotional journey of the scavenger hunt and the slideshow… you’re in a state, to say the least.

Piotr, fortunately, picks up on your extra emotional –and hormonal—state and breaks the kiss before you can start wholesale undressing him in front of everyone. He strokes the swell of your cheeks with his thumb, smiling broadly, then pulls his arm away from your back. “These are for you.”

You gasp at the sight of the massive –and it really is, holy shit how much did he spend on these—bouquet of roses he’s holding out to you. You have to sling your purse strap over your shoulder so you can hold all of them properly. “Piotr –what—”

“Happy Anniversary, moya lyubov’.” He helps you get the flowers settled in the crook of your right arm, then kisses your temple gently. “Have you had good day?”

“Yes. Oh my goodness, it’s been amazing. How did you do all of this?”

“Much planning.” He smiles, clearly pleased with himself and the situation. “Did you enjoy scavenger hunt?”

“I loved it, Piotr. It –this is all so amazing. I don’t deserve all of this –I don’t even have a present for you—”

He shushes you gently, wiping a stray tear off your cheek. “Tische, myshka. I told you today was about you. That I would get my joy later.”

“Okay, but—” Your brain starts processing again, and you finally realize that he’s dressed up in a suit.

A nice suit. Crisp, perfectly tailored (which isn’t easy, considering that he is Large), and black, with a white button-down shirt and a blue and purple tie that makes his eyes pop.

You sputter –your brain’s working, but your mouth isn’t, evidently. “W -why are you wearing—” you gesture haphazardly at him with your free hand “—why are you wearing a suit? Why does the backyard look like this? What’s even going on?”

He grins, eyes sparkling with excitement. “Happy Anniversary, myshka.”

And then he pulls a black velvet box out of an inner jacket pocket and gets down on one knee.

You gasp and clap your free hand over your mouth.

“Y/N L/N,” Piotr says, voice shaking a little but undeniably overjoyed and excited. “I have waited for so long to have opportunity to do this –and it has been worth every single minute. You are beautiful, intelligent, funny, kind, and you own my whole heart. I knew from moment that I told you I loved you that I wanted to spend my life with you. I knew that this journey would be difficult, and we might never reach this point—” he stops to take a breath and lets out an excited giggle “—but here we are. I love you. Will you please be my wife?”

You’re crying. You never thought you’d cry when Piotr proposed –several years ago you never even thought you’d be getting proposed to—but you’re definitely crying now.

You love him. You love him so much. He’s the universe’s gift to you, a reparation for everything you’ve had to suffer through to get to this point.

There couldn’t have possibly been a better gift, which is why there’s only one possible answer to his question.

“Yes,” you eke out amidst a steady trickle of tears and nervous-energy laughter. “Yes!”

Piotr’s eyes light up while everyone else cheers. He stands, pulling you into a hug and kissing you like you’ve given him the most precious thing in the world.

Which, you suppose makes sense, considering he’s just done the same for you.

He breaks the kiss again –though it takes him longer than before, which you count as a win—then delicately plucks the ring out of the box and slides it down your left ring finger, and—

It’s gorgeous. A sparkling solitaire diamond on a gold band. Big enough to look nice, but not so big that you won’t be able to get your flight gloves over it. It’s clear he put a lot of thought in making sure it would integrate well into your life and mesh with your tastes.

You kiss him again. And again. And again. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

This is your forever.

***

 There’s a party afterwards with everyone at the mansion –catered by Grant, no less.

“My second-in-command’s got it,” he says when you ask him about his restaurant. “We do catering gigs all the time, we’ve got it figured out. Besides—” he nudges Piotr in the side “—I couldn’t say no to this one.”

Aiden and his team are present as well; apparently, they were taking pictures of you during the slideshow, then of you and Piotr during the actual proposal. Not that you noticed –though you did have a good reason to be distracted, in your defense.

They keep taking pictures throughout the evening –between rounds of helping themselves to the food at Piotr’s instruction, since “it is dinnertime; not good to skip meals.”

You get hugs and-slash-or congratulations from everyone –including Scott, which is proof positive that he can, in fact, act like a decent fucking human being every now and then.

Wade hugs you so hard that your ribs hurt. “Oh my Francis! This is even better than three mini-lion robots coming together to former a super lion robot.”

You laugh as he sets you back down. “Damn. That’s a pretty high standard to meet.”

Nate’s far more gentle. “Congratulations, kid. You two are great together.”

“Well, I certainly hope so.” You raise an eyebrow about him. “How long did you know about this for?”

Nathan smiles and shrugs. “A while. He asked for my permission, so I had a pretty decent head’s up.”

Something warm and tender settles in your chest, and you have to clear your throat a couple times before you speak again. “Does that mean you’re walking me down the aisle?”

His smile softens further and he nods. “I’d be honored.”

Piotr’s family is similarly excited. They flock around the two of you, overjoyed and more than a bit emotional—

Well, three out of four of them are overjoyed and more than a bit emotional. Mikhail’s default setting in any emotional setting seems to be “snark.”

Then again, Mikhail’s default setting in general seems to be “snark.”

“Well, that was disgustingly wholesome,” he says with a smirk –which earns him a pinch in the side from Illyana (which is definitely a punishment, considering how strong her hands are from playing violin).

You can already tell that the comment’s ruffling Piotr’s feathers in the absolute wrong way, but you can also see where Mikhail was trying to be funny and fell flat.

You decide to respond with humor before your boyfriend –no, he’s your fiancé now—gets too prickly. “Don’t worry, we’ll be back to the regularly scheduled debauchery as of nine tomorrow morning.”

Mikhail laughs, then seems to finally notice Piotr’s icy expression –or, more likely, Illyana gave him a psychic tip off that he done hecked up—and switches course immediately. He clasps his younger brother’s shoulder –and actually has to reach up to do so, which is a little amusing to you—and gives Piotr a genuine smile. “I am proud of you. Happy for you. You picked good one.”

That seems to soothe Piotr, at least a little. He smiles down at you and squeezes your hand in his. “Best one there is.”

Your uncle comes up last, once the crowd has thinned a little –though it’s worth noting that Aiden an his team don’t try to get any pictures with him in it (when you ask Piotr later, he explains that he forewarned Aiden that your uncle didn’t like having his picture taken and made sure that Aiden and his coworkers would be able to work with that).

His eyes are noticeably misty –heck, yours are too—when he pulls you in for a hug. “Proud of you, punk. So fucking proud.”

“I’m proud of you, too,” you say as you hold him tight. “We’ve both come a long way, huh?”

“Yeah,” he concedes, swiping at his eyes once he lets you go. “We have.”

Eventually, the party comes to an end. Grant and his team pack up their equipment, Aiden’s and his coworkers put away their cameras, and the youngest students are sent to bed while the other residents head off to do their own things.

As for you and Piotr, the two of you head off to your shared room for some well-deserved one-on-one time. You wind up snuggling in bed –though, admittedly, that’s not the first thing the two of you do.

Because neither of you had been kidding about finding pleasure at the end of the night.

You admire your ring and the way it sits on your finger for the umpteenth time as Piotr traces gentle, slow circles up and down your bare back. You wiggle your fingers back and forth, then giggle, giddy and overjoyed.

Piotr’s lips press against your forehead. “Happy?”

“Very.” You tilt your head back to kiss him properly, passionately. “I love you, Piotr.”

“And I love you, Y/N.”

You wriggle a little in his arms so you can see his face better. “How long did you plan all this for? And how did you keep me from finding out?”

“I knew how I wanted to propose… since our first anniversary,” he says after a moment of thought. “I did not start making cards until your diagnosis, though. I did not want to run risk of you finding them and panicking that I would leave you if we could never get married.”

You smooth your hand over his shoulder. “Yeah, there was probably some prudence there.”

“As for keeping everything secret, I just kept it all in my art studio,” he explains with a smile. “I figured you would not look there.”

“Yeah, well, you were right. Not that I would’ve gone snooping through your stuff, but yeah. I would’ve never looked there.”

He kisses the top of your head. “Did you like everything today? I was worried it would be too taxing or obnoxious—”

“It was perfect,” you reassure him, and his responding smile makes you feel warm and fuzzy all over. “I loved it. I just feel bad that I didn’t have anything for you. Honestly… I kinda forgot that today was our anniversary until I read the first card this morning.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “No worries. I enjoyed today immensely.” He smirks, then kneads the flesh of your hip with his hand. “Besides, I knew I would get mine later.”

“Well, yeah.” You sling your arms around his neck and smile excitedly. “We’re gonna get married.”

His responding smile is equally excited. “Da. I know.”

You kiss him and let out a happy sigh. “I love you.”

His arms wind around you. “And I love you.”

“Happy Anniversary, sweetheart.”

He kisses your cheek sweetly. “Happy Anniversary, myshka.”

[v-le]

Kmusic: JTBC’s 슈퍼밴드(Superband) Review

Foreword: SUPERBAND WAS AMAZING AND IT WAS EVERYTHING I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED IN MY LIFE. yup

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After binge-watching this entire program, I knew I had to write something about it. This show literally took my breath away, this show filled all my senses with overwhelming excitement, appreciation, and respect for every single participant, and the music, THE MUSIC, that came out of this show will forever be some of the most amazing songs I have ever heard in my life. But above all else, this show filled a void, an emptiness, a traumatizing, painful longing in my heart that has been needing some intense healing for a while now.

With all the things that have happened with my singer, Superband coming into my life and being the show it was, with all those amazing artists doing what they did, it was a literal blessing and I just……. I just cant believe they did THAT. They did it and it was AMAZING.

First off, whoever thought to make an audition program for MUSICIANS, SINGER-SONGWRITERS, ARTISTS, PRODUCERS, and just instrument-playing people AND VOCALISTS…….. you are a fucking genius and I am so glad that this idea never died in the shadows and was allowed to come to life on the screens.

What I found so poignant about this show from the get-go was how GOOD THESE AUDITIONS WERE… these people came in being REALLYYYYY good at (presumably) one thing like the guitar, or singing, or the violin. These people each had their specialty, they were exceptional music-making people. No one was quite mediocre or “rookie”, each person had some pretty credible expertise or experiences with music, and that in itself, the fact that we got to start off with these sorts of contestants, is something ive never seen before.

I don’t want to compare to other singing shows or the Produce series or whatever else countless audition programs Korea has been churning out over the past years, but since Superband began with this concept, it was already a show that I knew I would LOVE. For the 2 times ive watched Produce, I was always so perturbed by these prepubescent pretty boys frolicking around on stage, barely being able to even pull off a simple note. I just thought so many of them were so TALENTLESS…. But who am I to judge.

I think it really just comes down to preference, and even though I knew very well that idols and k-pop are not even things I enjoy anymore, I forced myself through programs like Produce. But now, with Superband, I felt so HAPPY and glad to be watching and discovering such talented musicians…THIS IS WHAT I WANTED ALL ALONG.

Even with the very first audition with Ha Hyunsang… OMFG UGHhHhh THAT BOI IS SO FLUFFY but so good at the same time… I feel like each time I see him, I ACTUALLY just want to give him a hug :’-(( the emotional depth in his singing is beyond describable and im SO PROUD TO HAVE WATCHED HIM GROW !!!!!!

That’s another thing I really really realllyyyyyyy loved from this show........ it was the process of watching these people develop, mature, change, grow with show. Some contestants went through some major growing pains, but it was so heartwarming to watch them improve, not that they were even bad to begin with. And the reversals!! Or the expansions?? The turnarounds?? The CONMEN!!!

AHHhhHHhhh okay im still very obsessed with the infinite amount of talent some dudes had, but before I get to that, let me continue on with those stellar auditions, aka the three genius guitarists, too ;_______; they. Are. So. Amazing. I love them a lot. I think I completely fell for them. And I hate myself. I hate to admit it a lot because I used to ALWAYS shit on dudes younger than me, I disliked basically every contestant on produce that was younger than ‘99, I thought they were all useless young children… but 김영소, 이강호, & 임형빈, were a completely different story. I LOVE THEM!!! I always had a bias toward a man that could play the guitar well… but these guys holy moly, they blew me away… they are so exceptional at what they do and the fact that theyre still so YOUNG… good lord…..my poor heart was so conflicted but ultimately so happy to have discovered them.

To watch these guys be thrown into that first 1:1 perf, and literally tearing up the stage and setting the bar VERY HIGH from the very beginning of the competition… phew… my goodness…. The talent with these kids… o my…. Okay yeah, nope im never gonna get over it. The ‘Adventure of a Lifetime’ stage will always be an iconic one from this program, and we all know it. Who knew a pure acoustic, musical performance, no vocals included stage would be so amazing…. I LOVE THEM!! Have I mentioned that yet?

Going back to the reversals/scamming thing... I guess this goes with watching some people grow……. I want to give a holy and blessed shoutout to probably my favorite contestant out of this entire show: 신광일….. he was such a dark horse. In fact, I don’t even remember his audition tbh because he was THAT not-memorable in the beginning LOL (or also.. I believe they never showed his audition to begin with)… but he quickly caught my eye as the eps went on because he came out of nowhere and whipped out all (or maybe not even all…) his skills like secret weapons, stage after stage.. he came in as a vocalist, picked up the bass for two the performances after that (all while still singing, too), although having never played the bass formally... and then once joining hands with Juhyeok and Yechan, he just miraculously becomes the drummer, because they ultimately decided that they needed percussion in their songs. So from thereon after, since ‘Hold Back The River’, Gwang-il, to me, was literally GOD(신) Gwang-il, as he played the drums and SANG TOO…..and may I add, hes not even that old?????? HES FRKING ONLY 2 YEARS OLDER THAN ME WTF;__; the boy got all these crazy blisters while perfecting the drums, but he didn’t let anything stop him and he was sucH A SOLID BAND MEMBER ALL THROUGHOUT, AHHHHHH MVP GOES TO SHIN GWANG-IL, YALL….(also I just found out that hes a trainee from Mystic Story, aka Yoon Jong shin’s agency aka the agency that I’ve been following for many many MANYYYY years now bc a lot of my favorite artists have come out of it…. Wow what is this fate)

And special recognition goes to Im Hyung-bin aka one of the 18 yr old genius guitarists bc he … oh my…. He frking became the pianist and singer by the end of the show…. Omfg… yall.. HE is also another infinitely talented soul. AND HES EXTRA FRKING YOUNG…

Besides these two though, there were many many many manyyyyy other people as well that took up multiple instruments throughout the show, or even began singing, or just did EVERYTHING….I was so mindblown by this, im still honestly not over it at all.

Because like, is this normal?? Isn’t that so unprofessional?? Its already so crazy that this show already starts us off with NON-amateur musicians and artists. But then some of these dudes have never done any other things formally before they got thrown into it; they came into this show “specializing” in something completely different, yet they jump onto the stage and do what they needed to, HELLA FRKING WELL…… so many of these dudes, you wouldn’t know that was his first time playing the bass, playing the drums, first time playing that piano, or first time being on the keyboard AND being a vocal, you wouldn’t know any of that unless they mentioned it, unless you watched the show and saw their story.

Because they all pulled it off THAT well.. these people that did these things for the first time ever while being on Superband, they executed their roles so well and showcased such wonderfully exhilarating talent…. IM SO BLESSED TO HAVE DISCOVERED SUCH AMAZING ARTISTS….

That was one of the biggest feats of Superband for me. The limitless talent that came out of it. I LOVE watching people like this. Their passion for music fuels such undeniable skill and fervor, and when they step onto that stage, they are literally unstoppable. They made music that stopped my time, stopped my heart, in the moment, but literally MOVED me...i applaud these people so much. I really do.

Thinking back to it now, the number of stages that came out of this show was like…. Countless…. Like… A LOT…. Since episode 1, each stage was very well-produced and I truly enjoyed watching each one from the start. This show was just so jampacked overall, although I admit that sometimes it was arduous due to the GRIND that these people were on, presenting stage after stage after stage, and then listening to LOTS of feedback from almost each judge over and over and over, but it was still nothing short of musical masterpieces out there. I really appreciate how STUFFED, how FILLED TO THE BRIM, this show was with dynamic, enjoyable, exceptional performances (and words of valuable opinions & evaluations, too)

I can re-watch many of them, every day, for days on end. I loved it. And can we just talk about how impressive these dudes are for pulling off something new, for taking on a brand-new challenge with a brand-new set of members, time and time again, stage after stage, week after week, until we came down to the 6 solid bands in the last 3 episodes? They constantly had to work with new people, match their music preferences, fill spaces in their music where they didn’t exactly have someone they may have needed. They had to compensate, compromise, and ultimately DELIVER, at the end of it all. Multiple times. I don’t even remember how many rounds they did… was it 4? I think they had 4 rounds of eliminations before they settled into their official bands. But still... its crazy impressive to think about how driven and flexible a lot of these artists were, to be creating, producing & then performing despite all the different teams they were getting put into week after week.

ANDDDDDD, despite all the odds up against them like the time crunch, the new collab of members each time, the potential lack of a missing instrument or sound, SO many of these teams still came out with self-written and self-produced songs!!!!!!! I mean, even for the cover songs alone, many were already re-arranging everything & basically turning them into new tracks. BUT WITH THOSE SELF COMPOSED SONGS??????????? Some teams literally started from scratch each time, but busted out some amazing tunes and lyrics and executed very very very impressive stages and IM JUST AKFJAKJFKJBSN how…. Are they….. so…. Talented…… I still ask myself each time.

By far, the combo that took my heart and kept it for good….. LUCY ;_______;. I never expected to like Juhyeok’s voice tbh, it was a little TOO weird for me in the beginning… but watching him perform with Yechan and Gwang-il and Wonsang really brought to life his vocal potential for me… that team is literally a combination made in heaven, they have all the right pieces to make ARTWORK… their signature sound was so prominent from the very beginning and i was SO HAPPY when I saw that they stuck to the same exact members once the finale came around.

Before the winner was announced, I told myself very honestly that I didn’t even care who won because the two teams left over, Hoppipolla & Lucy, were already my two all-time favorite combinations of artists from the entire show, and I was already MORE than satisfied with all the wonderful music and stages that everyone had delivered up until that point anyway. But even with that, I was still thoroughly shocked when they announced Hoppipolla as the winning band LOL I gasped aloud. I thought that Lucy at least had a chance. Or like I guess, in my heart, I assumed that Lucy actually won.. LOL but they didn’t.

And in terms of the finale in general, I really would also like to address how I purposely tried really hard to avoid any spoilers and rewatching of performances on youtube before actually finishing the entire series. I tried like reallyyyyy hard, because I wanted to watch the program as thoroughly as possible without spoilers. I HATE SPOILERS. But oh the irony. It was in all in vain anyway.

Once I finally DID finish all 14 episodes, when trying to look for more information/reactions/articles/videos (initially searching in English), I actually struggled SO HARD LMAOOOO bc there was like NOTHING OUT THERE……..i should have known better; this show was definitely NOT catered to the intl. audience (yet?), especially because its in its first season still. There were probably like 2 articles max in English about Superband & it was just about its upcoming premier. Nothing about winners nor results nor anything else i was wary of, anyway. LOLLL THE INTL COMMUNITY DOESN’T CARE; or at least the intl population that DOES care about Superband, is probably reallyyyyyy small……a reddit thread I found was the most substantial discussion I could find, comprised of a few comments max.

And so that brings me to how I always see a lot of comments begging for English subs and everything, but honestly…….. all I have to say to yall is: LEARN KOREAN IF YOU REALLY WANT TO WATCH THE SHOW THAT BADLY !!!

If after all these years, I could pick up Korean to an extent where I can watch things raw, im sure others can do the same as long as they put their mind to it. Ive been really appreciating how far my skills have taken me LOL not trying to be THAT person, but I just know that if I COULDN’T read or listen & comprehend or type in Korean like I can now, I would be missing out on a WORLD of amazing stuff. E.g. superband. And if anything, I would like to think that this show helped me practice my vocab skills a lot more. Listening to the judges’ evals after each stage was really enjoyable: I learned plenty of valuable words out of THEIR words.

This show was phenomenal in that all the contestants had total musical freedom. It was soOOOOO refreshing to watch. They got to choose all their music & their teammates in a fair manner (maybe not so much their competition), but seeing them take their passions & what THEY wanted to do with music and laying that all out onto the stage, was so compelling!!! This freedom allowed for countless, ICONIC AF transformations and growth journeys for soooo many of the artists too!!!! I really realllyyyyyyyy loved watching some of them stepping WAYYYY outside of their comfort zones / the image that they originally came in with (e.g. HONG ISAAC HAAAAHAHHA, Jisang, Hyunsang!!), and also watching alllllll those multitalented “scam characters”!!! HAHAHA, without this program being as open as it was, it would’ve been impossible to be able to see such a myriad of sides to so many different people. I appreciate, I really do.

And I really really realllyyyy enjoyed watching all the behind the scenes of each performance as well!! Of course, its normal to give viewers some background story before each stage, but in Superband, we got to see some very raw sides of music-making….. these dudes literally lived like hobos in the recording studios, all disheveled and sleep-deprived human beans, but ceaselessly making music because that’s what they love. I liked watching teams try out a lot of different songs & styles as they searched for THE right one. And then we got to see the final result on stage after the countless discussions and trials behind the scenes. And these processes repeated for months on end. All the contestants are so commendable in this right. The grind was real, and the show didn’t try to hide that. I enjoyed this very realistic approach !!

At this point, after drowning myself in this show for a few days straight… (those episodes are LONGGGGG, close to two hrs each) ive literally spent every night, and basically day, too, watching all the cuts that jtbc uploaded on youtube over and over and oVERRRRR….. ive also been watching some Superband concert clips, from when the entire final 6 bands went on a domestic tour and performed together for several concerts!!

THAT OPENING STAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLESS THOSE PEOPLE THAT CAUGHT IT ON CAMERA BECAUSE IT IS LITERALLY SUCH A PIECE OF MUSICAL HEAVEN, omfg the energy on that stage IS SOMETHING ELSE… IF I WERE THERE IN PERSON I PROBABLY WOULDVE CRIED INSTANTLY……. lee juhyeok, kevin oh, chae bohoon, im hyeongbin, kim youngso, ha hyunsang, lee chansol, and kim woosung, all the guitarists/ vocalists lined up in the front… (hearing each vocalist sing a line each made my HEART HURT....I LOVE THEM SM) then the bassists, lee jonghoon, kim hyungwoo, kim hajin, jo wonsang, clustered up AND HAVIN A TIME all by themselves, and the three epic electric guitarists, yang jiwan, kim junhyeob, and Zairo, literally held SUCH stage presence… on the drums: kang kyungyoon all the way to the right, and red haired hwang minjae in the middle, and the super in-sync, traditional drum banging bois, choi youngjin, shin gwang-il, a-il, & jung gwanghyun, all 4 of them bouncing up and down in the back like intense oompa loompas LOL THEY LOOKED SO CUTE, and the string bois!!!!! Shin yechan & benji on the violin next to hong jinho on the cello; yechan and benji started off sitting down but as the song goes on they literally WENT AT IT HAHAHA as expected of two of the most high-energy musicians. On the piano, lee na-woo, the classic icon himself starting off the entire intro, and next to him hong isaac the transformation legend himself on the keyboard + his super distinctive voice!!!!!! And of course, d-pole with his much-expected little music break in the middle….. in fact many of them got ICONIC solo time: kang kyungyoon’s drumming part, kim hyungwoo’s super duper solid bass, minjae’s powerful beats, kim hajin’s LOUD ass bass, lee jonghoon’s legendary slap finger bass playing, jo wonsang’s super ting-y, classic bass section, and yang jiwan’s loud ASS ELEC GUITAR TOO, omg they were all so cute, pointing to each member & hyping them up as it was their few seconds to shine….AND THOSE COLLECTIVE VOICES???? HEARING ALL THE VOCALISTS SING TOGETHER ONE BY ONE… OH my gosh it was soooooo GOOOODDDDDDD.... just watching all those dudes literally have THE TIME OF THEIR LIFE on stage (literally an ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME), the energy was off the charts… I loveeeeee seeing them so happy, making eye contact with each other, jumping up & down, rocking out, laughing with each other, all while playing their instrument, so fervently, all 27 people on the stage, connected by one song…. Theres SO MUCH OVERFLOW of talent in one freaking place, that song sounded SO MASSIVE just thru the video I cant imagine….. if I were actually there omfg… that’s an actual BAND Like A HUGE FRKING BAND… AHHHHHHHHHH a really legendary stage.. the finest of finest……I can literally watch this opening on repeat without getting bored because I just loveeeee the concept of all of them being together like that :”)))

After watching member after member, team after team get eliminated, seeing them like this on one stage with such happy expressions and making a beautiful piece of music like that o MANNNNNN…. This show…… has really done something to me…

I appreciate every contestant SO MUCH and I wish I could watch everyone be together FOREVER….because knowing how artistically talented each person is on their own, to watch them join together is like the avengers times 72737446352 or something, its just talent & skill plus talent & skill stacked onto even more skill & talents and just an INFINITE amount of potential AND THAT…IS LITERALLY.. THE POWER…. OF A BAND………and of great ass music.

This show was GENIUS TO combine so many musicians from so many different backgrounds…but watching them work together to make pure art, that is so frking rewarding and heartwarming and I feel so blessed to have witnessed it all.

The genres and potential were literally limitless……I think this is what encompassed Superband for me, this is what made me enjoy it SO damn much…. I think ive finally run out of things to say… this piece of text is quite a mess, not very polished….. but I was hasty in recording my thoughts & emotions before they left me, so I tried my best.

My biggest regret with this show is that I didn’t watch it sooner. (what is really ironic is that it took me FOREVER to start the first ep, despite having tonssss of time on my hands... I had it open on one of my tabs for the longest time, but I lowkey grudgingly, eventually, forced myself to finally start it LOL..(thank god I rly did tho) I watched it 2 months after the finale, which is… kinda late? If I had watched it while it was airing, all while I was still in korea, I feel like I would’ve been EVEN MORE in love, even more fervent and passionate about everything. Digging thru old vids & watching things from contestants before they came out onto the show, seeing the artists they were, I could’ve easily gone and seen them myself probably… goddamnit I probably could’ve gone to the superband finale live show, if I had known.. I COULDVE VOTED IN REAL TIME... not that I could’ve brought myself to do it anyway, probably lol….. but basically, if I had known of this show WHILE I was there with them… I don’t know, I could’ve been a lot more active as a fan, I feel like..

Now im back to my original roots: crying in front of my laptop screen and tap-tapping away at my keyboard as a I rant to no one but myself. Being in korea made my appreciation for all kinds of artists, all my beloved ones, EVERYONE, a lot more tangible.. but being back in America… it all becomes hidden into the depths of my heart, once again…

PHEW……I think now is a good time to mention my favorite stages… as I mentioned before, the Lucy AND pre-Lucy lineup will always hold a really special place in my heart so basically all my faves include their stages LOL

‘Swim’ cover by LUCY(신예찬, 이���혁, 신광일, 조원상)

‘Hold Back The River’ cover by 신예찬, 이주혁, 신광일

‘Adventure of a Lifetime’ cover by 조원상, 김영소, 이강호, 임형빈

‘누구 없소’ cover by 케빈오, 박찬영, 신광일, 강경윤

‘선잠’ by LUCY

'Castle on the Hill’ cover by 아일, 하현상, 노마드, 홍진호

‘1000x’ cover by 아일, 하현상, 홍진호, 김형우

‘One More Light’ cover by HOPPIPOLLA(아일, 하현상, 홍진호, 김영소)

‘Cry Bird’ cover by LUCY

‘Viva La Vida’ cover by 하현상, 홍진호, 김영소

‘Flare’ by LUCY

‘Find You Again’ by People on the Bridge(이찬솔, 임형빈, 김준협, 강경윤,  김형우)

My favorite funny moments:

“이게 무슨 짓이야!!?” - mellow kitchen (the stealing of the 3 kiddo guitarists)

“okay let’s be honest, you can’t even hear the bass” - shin hyunbin 2k19

울보 팀

Hyunsang’s fam: 아일 the mom, 홍진호 the dad, 김형우 the hyung

“idk if im allowed to say this but it looked like zombie movie” - yoon jongshin, as they all gathered around the cello man

“I thought to myself, isn’t that cello expensive tho..” - yoon jongshin as youngso slapped & tapped jinho’s cello for percussion

Ah-il’s iconic castle on the hill pose

Zairo’s luck with member choosing lmao

HONG ISAK’S DANCING in ‘Time of My Life’ LOLLL IT GETS ME LAUGHING EACH TIMEEE (& all his nicknames, like eungalchi lmaooo)

Benji’s “YO-RO-BOON HAM-KAY HEY-YO” during ‘Woo-ing’

Gwanghyun’s “do-doom-tak”

Gwanghyun calling Gwang-il’s drum skills equivalent to that of a middle school band’s LOLLLL

**I watched Mone’s radio appearance on Arirang Radio where Benji is the host, and they were an absolute MESS LMAOOOOOO THEY WERE HONESTLY ALL REALLY FUNNY THOUGH.. they kept roasting the crap out of each other and laughing their asses off and man… it was gr8 time and it was really cute to discover that Hong Isaac is now a part of one of Benji’s radio shows too!

One important question I have for this show though: where tf did all the females go? Why was there no female presence at all in this show, I have no clue…… :/

At the end of the day, this show reminded me once again, how to feel happy and excited because of music. how to let great music fill my life with undeniable joy. Being able to look forward to listening to these songs every day, definitely had lifted a small part of me that has been down for all too long. I really appreciate, I am very grateful for, I just… im so thankful to have discovered this show & all its wonderful masterpieces & the beautifully, magically, PASSIONATE artists behind it all………. I needed this in my life at this point in time, I really did. 

Thank you for coming to be, Superband.

[vrenaewrites]

Lessons I learned in my year as a debut author.

In case this is literally the first piece of content you’ve ever seen from me and you somehow stumbled here from a more qualified person’s platform, hi. I’m V. Renae. I wrote a book called CIVIL BLOOD. It came out in October of last year. It’s pretty okay.

Which means at the time of this post, CB has been in the world for NINE MONTHS. That’s a long-ass time. That means I’ve been a debut author for almost a year now.

And boy have I learned some stuff. Lemme teach you some of it.

You are so not prepared for your parents/grandparents/former teachers/exes/best friends to read your sexy steamy scenes.

Folks, I write YA paranormal romance, and I find sex scenes cringey to write (personally). Which means as far as hot and heavy goes, CB is about as tame as Twilight or any other tween fodder you can think of. What I do love to write, though, is sexual tension. Which somehow, is more scandalous - at least when your friend’s mom tells you that chapter 12 got her so hot and bothered. Or when your friends tell you how hot they think your male MC is. Which like, thanks, I know, but also, that’s my child and you stay away from him he’s just a baby. Every time someone I know buys my book I am mortified and thankful in the same breath.

2. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, cares about your book as much as you do.

I was blessed beyond belief to have an awesome street team to help me promo CB in the few months leading up to publication. I was truly humbled to see my friends and family posting pictures of their fresh from Amazon copy of my book baby, tagging my official writer’s instagram, and linking the goodreads page so people could review it. And this enthusiasm lasted all of one week. I’m not even kidding. After the initial high of, holy shit a person I know published a book?! There was...crickets. I couldn’t believe it. How could people I know not be freaking the fuck out for months at a time over this book I wrote?! Maybe...because most people don’t freak the fuck out over books for that long? And especially if it’s not their usual genre. Like, they’re supportive but, they also didn’t really read it because they don’t like cults and witches and demons and southern gothic steamy teenage romance. Fair. Just wasn’t prepared.

3. You will notice things in your debut that will haunt you forever.

Despite the proofs upon proofs that I reviewed for my editor, I will gift you with a gem in CB that will take me to an early grave: “That was why I wasn’t supposed to (let myself go to the darkness). It was like giving an addict their drugs.” This little tidbit is in one of my favorite scenes and I FULL BODY CRINGE at that line. Like, we get it, dude. This is a perfect example of treating the audience like they’re stupid and spoon-feeding them things they can easily infer. Thanks! I hate it.

4. Good reviews feel like snorting cocaine. Bad reviews feel like getting punched in the face.

If you crave validation like air, then you’re probably a writer. At least, I feel like a lot of us need pats on the back or we will shrivel up and die. That being said, reviews are a double-edged sword for this. Anyone can write a review. ANYONE. On goodreads, on amazon, on twitter - all they need is an email address and a minute or two to type up a statement about a piece of your soul. When someone writes “I loved this book” on CB’s goodreads page, I could literally levitate and astral project into the stars, I’m so thrilled and happy and fulfilled by that. But guess what? We’ve all had negative opinions about a book. Some of us voice them. Often. Loudly. Some of us don’t bother. But guess what? If you’ve written a book, there’s about a one million percent chance that someone will write you a bad review. It could be an ex-boyfriend who’s jealous of your success. It could be a troll. It could literally be someone who didn’t like your book - I know. Hard to even fathom. But it’s gonna happen. Opinions are subjective, and so is taste. That doesn’t make it hurt any less when someone has a lot to say about how shitty your book is in their eyes.

5. If one person likes your book, you will feel worthy of continuing to write.

I’m going to shout out one person in particular here because although I have quite a few people who are ‘fans’, this person is a little different. Meghan and I went to high school together, and while we were friendly, we weren’t like, friends. She offered to advance read CB for me so she could write a review which I could use during promo season, prior to the release. Instead, what I got was a frantic facebook message telling me she had devoured CB in three hours and couldn’t stop thinking about it. She did the same with its sequel, reading it all in one day and giving me detailed notes within hours. She is my cheerleader: constantly encouraging and hyping me up, promoting and supporting me on social media, giving me endless advice and feedback. She’s the one I trust with in-depth theme questions about Thistlewolf. Honestly, sometimes, she’s the one I write Thistlewolf for. I owe it to Meghan to finish that trilogy because I know she wants to know how it ends. And that’s all it takes, sometimes, is one person needing you to finish your story.

And that’s all I have for you today. My debut year has been a whirlwind of fuckery and exhilaration and wonder and love and doubt and anxiety. I wouldn’t change a thing, except the things I wish I could change.

[lifeofbouyd]

Church girl

Dear Bouyd,

Sometimes I wonder what the fuck I did with my life. Shit happened so fast I lost myself along the way. Ima tell you a story about how I fucked my life up with what should have been a mentor.

I spent most of my life in the church as my parents went to church at least three times every week. Sometimes twice in one day. I knew the bible enough to preach it. Throughout my early teens, I was the lead singer in the choir, not much time for anything but church. The older I got, the more sexually aware I became. I predicted getting married on my eighteenth birthday just so I could get some dick. Most of the girls in my class were “hood rats” from the seventh grade. I was the only one acting all dainty as if I was lined with gold. Don’t get me wrong when I say that, a woman’s body is her treasure and I treated myself as such. I never had a boyfriend until I was 18 and even today I still can’t believe who took my virginity.

Spending so much time in the church gave little to no time to socialize. Most of the people I knew were the same People I’d see every day, and there wasn’t one that I saw myself with. It continued like this until pastor Mark moved to our church. He wasn’t the average miserable, old man. He was only twenty-three and built like an athlete. His voice made me tremble whenever he spoke. To me, he was a man of God, a holy and righteous man. One who practiced what he preached. I watched this man cast Demons from people, baptize people, pray for people even read people. There was nothing suspicious about him. He invited me to see him a few times after church which I didn’t have a problem with. After all, a little prayer ain’t ever killed nobody. I spent so much time with this man I fell I love with him. I couldn’t wait to see him. It was as if he became the key ingredient to my survival. I noticed he started making jokes about stuff that wasn’t even Christian anymore. How lovely my legs look, do I ever get wet, would you let me oil you down and open heavens gate? I didn’t know what to think so I humoured him. One day he got super stiff after anointing me with olive oil. His hands gently glided across my legs while I shivered in fear. I could see his dick stretched across his pants. He asked me to stand and raise my skirt, which I did.

Pastor: I see the devil is after you. Take off all your clothes and let me pray for your protection. “Dem set Duppy ina yuh clothes”

Like a scaredy cat, I flashed my clothes off with not a second thought. “Holy, holy, Jesus, look pon di body weh dem wa go to waste”.

I had nothing on but my underwear while he rubbed me from head to toe with olive oil. He squeezed my nipples and grabbed my ass while he spoke in tongues. As terrified as I was it felt damn good in a perverted way. He again rubbed my legs then stopped at my waist. Grabbing my ass and thanking God. He rubbed his face against my “front” and I felt it in my head. That weird swinging or see-saw feeling. Butterfly tummy they call it. He whipped his dick out, claiming it the holy stick. Rubbing it against my leg while he chanted. He asked where I got my underwear then told me to take it off. “Dem season yuh jaaz fi mash yuh up”. I flashed it off as if it was burning me. Not a second thought in my mind. His dick kept jumping while I shivered in fear. Is this true, who would want to kill me, why me god, why me? “ I’m gonna relive you of this Demond today with this blessed device,” he said while taking his clothes off. He oiled his dick and my buff before licking my juices. He stopped in the middle of devouring me and got on his knees, “ God, forgive me for not praying before I eat”. He took his time and slid it inside, whining like a snake and making me cum all over the place. His strokes were steady and not too deep, just enough to hit the spot. I came so many times my body was numb. Who would have thought that I would lose my virginity to my pastor, trying to relieve me of a Demond I didn’t know possessed me? Not me. He got dressed after cumin. As handsome as he was, his cum face was no pretty sight. He seemed as if he had crossed eyes and suffered a minor stroke. I couldn’t help but laugh even when he was praying before I left. To be honest, I felt relieved, like I had lost a Demond that was holding me back for years. But now that I think about it, I was just a horny fucking girl, and my virginity was the Demond.

Funny thing about all this is I ended up pregnant. After relieving me from several other Demons that never existed, my tummy started growing. Having an abnormal “period” I didn’t really pay much attention until I was four months in. I thought life was working for me and my weight was my reward. I realized the food I used to like would make me sick and I could hardly wake up in the mornings. I would throw up after every meal. My sister suggested a pregnancy test as if she knew something about me. “I’m still a Virgin you know unless I’m Mary I am sure I’m not pregnant. I can’t believe you’d even think that”. I was nervous in my stomach. What if I’m pregnant, what would I tell mom, how would I go back to church? Scared and confused I consulted in a pregnancy test who also let me down. Two strokes on my first attempt. I took four more just to be sure and all four were positive. I almost shit myself. A baby for a pastor, I ain’t even married, what am I gonna do? I went to him for help but he just fucked me again. I hated him, I wanted to kill him and slash his balls. I went to several clinics trying to get an abortion done, but no one would do it. Claiming I was too far along and I might die. So here I was with the devil's child in me, facing the world on my own. I turned to my sis, who ratted me out to my mom, who threw me out with nowhere to go. With no source of income or comforting, I was left for dead.

Luckily, I knew someone who’d do anything do anything to fuck me back then. I slept next to him for three months before he could even look at what was between my legs. He deserved it. He treated me so well I felt like I owed it to him. He even took my child as his own. Today I’m his wife and mom of his two kids. As for my sister, I found out he (pastor) was fucking her too. Hence the bitch selling me out. I slashed his tire a few times but that didn’t make me feel any better. After twelve years I still want to kill that son of a bitch, but I guess “wicked people really hard fi dead”.

I just pray that won’t happen to anyone else. Moral of this story; the people set to lead us are the ones who normally fuck us. Literally.

Yours Truly,

Lexi

[taylorhardybby]

sweetener // ben hardy x reader and bestfriend! Lucy x reader.

hi so basically the reader is a famous musician (shes pretty much based on Ariana Grande with syle elements from kylie jenner but picture her as anyone you like)  this is pretty long and I realised everything I've posted has had the same sort plot kinda so ill be changing that up I promise. 

5.7K words. 

also I've linked the songs that I mention  and ideas of the outfits I've mentions just cause i can I guess. enjoy xo 

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You were 19 when you first met Lucy. She was 22 and you met at a charity gala. You were new in the industry, barely knowing anyone. You and Lucy became instant best friends. She was like your big sister, your mom and your best friends rolled into one person and you couldn’t be more thankful for her. Fast forward three years and Lucy was working on one of her biggest projects yet. Bohemian Rhapsody. You had just released your lasted album and were only weeks away from tour, but when Lucy asked of you would come visit her you were on a plane within the hour.

You had barely seen your best friend in almost two months due to your album blowing up then your surprise world tour, for the last 10 weeks you spent every waking moment  rehearsing,  doing chorography, or at costuming fittings if you weren’t preparing for tour you were doing a interviews or attending events and award shows. You were completely exhausted. But you were new and young, and your record company had almost complete control over you. You were terrified if you said no, they would drop you, and you had worked too hard for that.

Your plane landed in London and you went straight to your hotel, Lucy would be filming until 9pm tonight then she was coming straight over to spend the night and in the morning you would both head over to the set. You were beyond excited, queen had been such a inspiration both musically and just in general through your entire life and to see even a tiny bit of the movie about them would be an honour.

It was 6pm when you got to your hotel, so you had three hours to kill, you considered just going for a walk and exploring but you had seen a few paps at the airport so you were sure there would be more. So you started rehearsing, you played the backing track to your newest song, Everytime. The choreography was fast and you kept messing up the steps during the chorus.

Time slipped away as you rehearsed, and your phone ringing brought you out of your trance.

“Hey sorry, ive bene so distract-” you were cut off, not even bothering to see who was actually calling, until you hear her voice.

“ive bene knocking for ages come let me in baby” you smiled at the nickname, lucy always called you baby, maybe it was because you were younger than her or she said it’s what her older sister would call her.

“oh my god sorry I’m coming lulu” you ran to the door of the hotel room apartment, the door swung open and Lucy was standing their champagne in hand and overnight bag in the other. She dropped her bag and pulled you in for a hug.

“I missed you so much lulu ”

“mee too, baby. I’m so sorry I miss everything” you had come inside and closed the door by now,

“your album release and the Grammys, you won and I wasn’t even there I’m  so sorry” you shook your head,

“its fine trust me its been crazy busy and this is important for you. I’m  just so happy that I get to see you now”

“yes me too now I want all the gossip”

You popped the champagne and shared not only that bottle but another you had found the mini bar, you spoke about your ex Kevin, and how he was inspiration for a few songs on your album. Lucy insisted on listening to your album from start to finish you didn’t mind. You loved your songs and you loved that your best friend sang along to every single word. Your tour was still a secret. Your record company wanted to announce it a week before you actually left, in the same way they kept your album a secret until a week before its release date. You were sworn to secrecy and you had told nobody but your mom, and when Lucy asked how you  were, really truly, you broke down.

“I’m a mess luce, I’m going on tour, surprise!” Lucy congratulated you but she knew you weren’t finished “I’m running myself ragged, if I’m not rehearsing im at a costume fitting I’m doing promo for the album or I’m at an awards show or event” you flopped back onto the bed trying to just let your body rest.

“I’m so tired I never stop. And thank god you called because this three-day break is such a blessing you have no idea” Lucy pulled you into a hug reassuring you it would all work out,

“what about with Kevin, how are you in realm” you sighed, you and Kevin broke up for a good reason, he was having personal issues and it was hurting you physically and mentally, so you left.

“I miss him so much, but I know that I did the right thing for me, I was so unhealthy always looking after him I forgot about me” you paused and thought for a moment “I think he’s better, from what I’ve heard, I still speak to his mom every now and then” Lucy nodded

“you did the right thing Y/N I know you loved him, but you need to look after yourself first” you nodded. The conversation turned a little lighter and you decided to pop another bottle of champagne just because you could,

“to us, successful women who are making shit happen” you made a toast and Lucy shouted back “to us” you changed the music and danced, laughed and just had fun with your best friend.

You woke up to the sun in your eye and Lucy’s alarm blaring, your head was pounding, and you looked around. Lucy was slowing waking up in the bed next to you. You had clearly tried to find pyjamas but you both looked like a mess. As you stood up out of bed you looked down at out outfit, a pair of black hotpants and a large oversized grey shirt tied in a knot and one blue sock. Lucy didn’t look much better and as you looked each their up and down you both laughed. The apartment was a mess. There was pillows and blankets everywhere, you counted 5 champagne bottles, all but one were empty the last was about three-quarters gone.

It was 7 am and Lucy was needed on the set at 8:30 so you both got ready, Lucy ordered breakfast- more specifically coffee, very strong and lots of it.

Once you looked presentable, Lucy looked you up and down raising an eyebrow,

“heels? Really Y/N” her tone was mockingly, and you just shrugged

“you know I love my heels, they make a statement” you twirled, and Lucy laughed at you

“also, I like to feel taller, it’s not easy being tiny”

Lucy drove you to the set, stopping to get more coffee on the way. You had music blaring the whole time just laughing and smiling. The set looked pretty normal and when you got there you followed Lucy to her trailer where you both set down your stuff. Her first costume of the day was already hanging so she got changed then wrapped herself in a coat. You followed her to hair and makeup,  and to your surprise Rami was already there when you walked in and Lucy introduced you of course.

Rami was very sweet and you felt much more comfortable knowing at least one more person liked you here. He mentioned your music and you blushed. These people knew who you were holy shit.

“I actually brought you album the day it came out, I love it” you laughed,

“thanks rami that’s really sweet of you, its still kind mind-blowing that people other than Lucy and my parents listen to my music” everyone laughed and the conversation flowed. Rami left soon after and Lucy finished not much later,

“okay so my the first scene today isn’t until later but we can go watch the boys film if you want” she checked her watch,

“they start in 20 so that heaps of time for you to meet them and what not” you nodded and just followed her into the sound stage.

From the moment you saw him you were breathless, you of course had googled all of Lucy’s co-stars as soon and she knew them but seeing him in person was something else, you eyes met his and you felt you cheeks heat up. You turned your face towards Lucy, sending her a smile but she sent you a knowing look. When you looked panicky, she giggled a little,

You walked over, and they group of four men turned towards you,

“hey Lucy, oooh who’s your friend” the man you assumed was playing john deacon spoke first.

“Joe, Gwil and Ben this is my best friend Y/N” she gestured to you and she spoke “Y/N this is Joe, Gwil, Ben and you of course know rami who you met earlier” you nodded and shook each of their hand but before you could say anything you were cut off,

“Lucy why didn’t you tell us that your Y/N was THE Y/N”  Joe playfully pushed Lucy and she tried to explain, but before you could get to deep in conversation the boys were called to their scene.

The scene was a short one and soon enough Lucy was whisked away to work so you sat there just on your phone, you felt someone come over towards you and you looked up. It was him. Ben Hardy. To say that you were in love was  a bit much, but he was so gorgeous it was hard not to. As he walked over to you smiled but internally you were panicking. You just kept telling yourself don’t make a fool of yourself, don’t do it

“Uh hey Y/N, where’d Lucy go” of course, he just wanted Lucy not you,

“oh she went to do some filming I’m not sure how long she’ll be”

“Okay cool so um are you hungry” you internally died omg what was he going to say holy shit

“I’m starving” he invited you to go with him for lunch, it was just Kraft services but you didn’t mind.

You spent the entire lunch hour just talking and laughing, it was so refreshing for someone to talk to you as just Y/N not THE Y/N.

You spent the next three days surrounded by the BoRhap boys and Lucy having the time of your life. You and Ben had gotten quite close and even while you were still in London if you weren’t with each other you were texting. You decided against telling Lucy, not wanting to make it weird between her and her co-stars.

Two weeks after arriving back in LA the tour was announced, it sold out almost everywhere and you were glad to see that your London tour date was the same weekend that BoRhap wrapped filming, Lucy had already texted that she was coming and that she would need six more tickets which you gave her no questions asked.

You went on tour and it was marvellous, the adrenalin you felt as thousands of people sang along to your songs was thrilling and you never wanted it to stop. You played shows all across the US, you were halfway through the US leg of the tour when you got a surprise. You had still been talking to ben every day and although you hadn’t put a label on it you felt pretty committed. You were in your dressing room, your show started in three hours, so you were slowing warming up your voice when you heard a knock.

When you answered the door there stood Ben his gleaming smile beamed from ear to ear, and he was holding a bunch of flowers, your favourite of course.

“holy shit what are you doing here” he pulled you into his arms and you hugged back excitedly,

“we had a few days off from shooting, so I thought I’d come visit you”  you pulled him into your dressing room and placed the flowers down, your eyes met, and the world felt like it melted away. He pulled you closer and whispered so quietly,

“Y/n can I please kiss you” you nodded,

“please” you barely got the word out from your mouth and your lips were on his.

Everything moved so fast and he fell back onto the sofa and you moved, straddling his lap. Every move felt like it was perfectly practiced and every touch felt like fire and you both shed yourself of clothes, ben of course being the perfect gentle mean continued to ask for permission before doing anything  you were to in the moment to speak so nodding sufficed.

Time passed, and you were lying in bens arms on the sofa, a random sheet covering you as you just held each other.  You lazily shared kisses and spoke about your time apart. The sound of your manager knocking on the door made you jump apart,

“Y/N they need you in hair and makeup” you jumped up and threw on your panties, bra and covered up with your robe.

“shit sorry ben, I totally lost track of time, stay here and I’ll send someone to come and get before the show”

“ill be waiting” you kissed him before closing the door behind you and walking down to hair and makeup.

You were in your first costume, as you walked towards the under stage your makeup artist fixed up the bright red lipstick you had on and you had you Mic in hand. You were ready.

You had never felt so pumped for a show before, partially because you knew Ben was there the other part was probably your post orgasm bliss. You snickered to yourself as you thought about it.

The show was a smash, the crowd were full of energy and so were you. As you walked off stage ben was waiting in the wings for you, he picked you up and spun you around, your lips connected as he did.

“what did you think of the show”

“you were bloody fantastic, I loved it the music, the dancing, the costumes” his kissed you again, “and I thought I was the rock star” you laughed at that one,

“you’ll always be a rock star” you walked hand in hand back to you dressing room, your meet and greet outfit was already laid out and you apologised to ben as you got changed.

“I’m sorry the meet and greets only go for 45 mins then we can go back to the hotel and I’m all yours I promise” he shook his head,

“it’s fine doesn’t apologise I need to make some phone calls anyway, you better keep that promise” he teased, you zipped up your dress. It was short red and left little to the imagination and you loved how ben eye you as you spun and asked his opinion.

“Y/n your making it hard from me not to rip that off your right now” you bit you lip and whispered into his ear,

“I promise you can rip it off later” you kissed directly behind his ear then giggled as he groaned when you walked away.  

The meet and greet felt like it dragged on for hours. Now you loved your fans but  the torment knowing exactly what was going to happen afterwards was enough to make you a little frustrated.

Finally you were back at the hotel, it was a short drive from where you had performed so the car ride wasn’t as tormenting as it could have been. But from the moment you stepped foot in the hotel room the door was locked, and your lips were on Ben’s and your legs were wrapped around his waist.

It was early morning before you had stopped. You both finally so exhausted that you fell sound asleep. Ben woke you up at around 11:30 the next morning apologising as the directors had called him and he was needed back on set ASAP. His flight left in an hour, so you said goodbye, and a little more very quickly and he left. Your next show wasn’t until tomorrow night, but you were flying there later this afternoon.

Three months after Ben had left your US tour was finished, you had gotten so sick and exhausted for weeks now you had been nauseous and your whole body ached. Your period was late, it was the stress. It had to be the stress.  You now had two weeks before the European leg of the tour started, and you were going to stay with Lucy. She had about a week and a half left of filming and although you really wanted to go visit the set you just so sick you could barely move.

Lucy picked you up from the airport and she took you back to her apartment. She brought it up first, after you had been explaining your sickness she blurted it out before she could stop herself,

“Y/N what if your pregnant”

“don’t be ridiculous how could I be- oh shit”

“oh shit what. What do you mean oh shit”?

“he-h came and visited it was months ago fuck why didn’t I think of this” you were rambling and so distracted you did even see your best friends face,

“Y/N who visited who are you talking about Kevin” by now you were crying, you shook your head

“no not Kevin, ben” Lucy gasped,

“ben who, Y/N”

“Ben Hardy” Lucy had that smirk,

“I knew it, I knew you were who he had been talking to”

“your not mad” you were so worried, that she would think you were unprofessional or soothing,

“not at all I don’t care I saw how you too looked ta each other when you first met, it was bound to happen”

So you explained to her when he came and surprised you three months ago and how you spent all night together alone in the hotel room, she was happy for you. That you had moved on form Kevin, but the looming issue was still there. Were you pregnant or not? Lucy disguised herself and drove down the street to the local pharmacy and brought a few tests.

You were terrified, your career had barely even begun and here you were at 21 and potentially pregnant to a man who’s 7 years older than you. You thought about your options, but you knew you would keep it. You had once promised yourself if something like this were to happen you would only get rid of it if it was going to harm you or if you weren’t going to be able to support a child. From what you knew it wasn’t hurting you and you had plenty of funds to support a baby.

You tried to think and work it out, the European part of your tour was only 3 months long. By the end you would be six-ish months pregnant. That’s not too bad. If you altered some of the choreography and costumes, you could probably hide it from the fans until then. It would all work out in the end.

You were brought out of your dream land when Lucy came back. She passed you the first test and came with you into the bathroom.

So you sat. three whole minutes. 180 seconds. The timer went off and Lucy grabbed your hand.

“no matter what that says, I’m here for you we can work this out” you nodded, took a deep breath and turned the test.

Positive.

You don’t even know how long you spent sobbing into Lucy’s arms. But eventually you got up and tried to fix yourself up. You and Lucy were meant to be meeting everyone for dinner tonight and it was 5 pm and you were a hot mess.

So, you showered, fixed your hair and did your makeup. You weren’t even sure how far along you were but now that you knew you were so paranoid that you look pregnant, so you put of two different pairs of spanx and threw on your least fitted outfit.

The dinner went well, considering you entire life had just changed an hour before and you were acting like you were perfectly fine. On the inside you were dying. You sat next to ben and he asked if you were okay more time than you could count. You felt horrible. You wanted to tell him, you really did but you couldn’t put that pressure on him. You could handle this own your own. Lucy surprised everyone with tickets to your London show at the end of dinner, and you were happy but terrified. Lucy had invited all the BoRhap boys as well as Roger and Brian. THE Roger Taylor and Brian May.  You were shitting yourself.

In the next two weeks you and Lucy went to the doctors and it was confirmed, you were 14 weeks pregnant. You had a meeting with your head of costuming and she agreed to fix your costumes as discretely as possible, so far only four people knew. Lucy, your doctor, your manager -Angela and your head of costume and makeup -JayJay.

Your London show came so fast, everyone had come backstage to see you. You were in your first costume once again . So far you hadn’t needed to fix the sizing you just wore a waist trainer and spanx underneath. You checked with the doctor who said it should be fine for a few hours for your shows, but you shouldn’t do it all the time. When you walked into your dressing room in your outfit Lucy gave you a worried look but she was confused when she saw no bump. You gave everyone hugs as they wished you luck, you thanked everyone for coming and promised them that this would be one of your best.

The show opened with one of your favourites on the album, God is a woman.  It was followed by breathin’ you spoke to the crowd and in a split second you had a costume change. You were wearing a sparkly red outfit now and your boots were now tan. You had changed your finale so when you changed into the lilac dress and boots, the first few beats of your new song filled the arena.

Breakfast at tiffany’s and bottles of bubbles,

Girls with tattoos who like getting in trouble,

Lashes and diamonds, ATM machine s

Buy myself all my favourite things

This was the first time your new song was being heard and the crowd loved it, 7 Rings was a hit and you finished the performance on a high like no other.

You came off and Lucy was there first screaming with joy

“WHERE THE HELL DID THAT SONG COME FROM ITS AMAZING” “it was a surprise its brand new I literally flew to LA the day before I came here to record it and we did the choro this morning” everyone was in awe of your work ethic and you were passed flowers and small gifts. you excused yourself to get changed. Lucy came with you.

“I can’t believe you went to LA to record the day before you came here, you were so sick that day”

“I know but they won’t let me perform songs until live recorded them in studio and I wanted to perform it for you guys” Lucy picked out an outfit for you before you both headed back to where everyone was.

Backstage the party was growing; your management had thrown a party to celebrate the start of your European tour.  Against all your wishes against it. Champagne was spilling, and the music was loud. You took a glass of champagne just for looks, you had no intentions of actually drinking it.

You found ben almost instantly and he embraced you, you still hadn’t told him but you were going to. Tonight. Its was selfish, you knew you were leaving on tour tomorrow and at least if he wanted nothing to do with you, you would be distracted. Heartbroken but distracted.

It was almost one and the party was still going strong, you took ben’s hand and asked if he wanted to back to your hotel room. You saw Lucy smile as you left, you had to do this. From the moment you were in the car the partition went up and all your plans went out the window. It was cruel, to keep the secret from him but a few moments of bliss before it could all potentially disappear was all you wanted.

You stopped it before it got too heated, one part of you said it was because of the paps and another was because you felt so guilty. Ben didn’t mention it. You went in through the back entry of the hotel and you went straight up to your room.

“Y/n what’s up you’ve been just a little off these last two weeks, Lucy said you’ve been sick” he paused, fuck. He knew. “are you okay, like are you really sick or something, last time I checked the flu doesn’t last for weeks” you sighed and ran you hand though your hair,

“no its not like that I’m not dying or anything I promise” you took a deep breath

“but there is something need to tell you” you sat down trying to calm your nerves, “now just know before I tell you I expect NOTHING from you okay but you deserve to know” Ben looked terrified, you were pretty sure he could have put two and two to bet but just to be clear you said it,

“I’m pregnant, 15 weeks to be exact and its yours”  he didn’t move you swore he barely even breathed. Tears were slipping down your cheeks you wanted him to do something, scream or yell anything was better than silence.

“please. Please say something I’m so sorry it took this long to tell you-“ but he cut you off when he attached his lips to yours.

“I love you Y/n I really fucking love you, and I was going to ask you tonight anyway, but will you be my girlfriend officially”

You nodded, not trusting your words.

“I love you to ben, I really fucking love you too”

You decided to announce your relationship to the fans the next day, as much as you wanted to keep it a secret the longer, they know about it  the less of a shock the pregnancy should be. Hopefully. You posted a selfie of you and Ben, he was kissing you sweetly and it was obvious what had taken place earlier. You had taken the picture month ago and you both loved it.

Now that Ben was finished filming BoRhap and his next project started in 3 months, so it seemed logical that he would  come on tour with you. You decided that he was going to head home and take a few weeks off just relaxing and what not then he would meet you when you got to Paris. It sounded perfect.

It worked. Tour was hard, each day your bump grew, and it was getting very difficult to hide it in the end. But with lighting and costuming you finished tour with a six-month-old baby bump and it was still a secret.  A few weeks into the euro tour you changed all your costumes to from body suits and peplum to flouncy dresses. They all looked gorgeous and you were totally going to be using then in your other tours.

Ben was a god send. You loved having him with you and when tour was over, he was moving to the states. After a hard decision he decided to move to your house, instead of you moving in with him. Living in LA would probably benefit him in the long run anyway, so it wasn’t too hard of a decision.

You had decided to announce your pregnancy at the BoRhap Premier. Your dress was ready. It was the first tight dress you had worn in a while and it perfectly showed your  7-month-old baby bump. The fans were loving your relationship and you hoped the reaction to this would be as happy.

The day of the premier had arrived and you had spent hours In hair and makeup, you were nervous. Excited but nervous. You swear you heard the gasps as you stood out from the car. You were sure it was already world wise news,

“Americas sweetheart Y/N pregnant at 22 to her 28-year-old boyfriend”

You spent the night being questioned about your bump; why it was kept a secret, how far along were you blah blah blah.

By the time you got inside you were exhausted. Your feet hurt, because you were wearing your beloved heels of course. Your face hurt from smiling and your back was killing. Ben tried to look after you, and he got you everything you wanted. Lucy and Rami had also announced their relationship tonight, so the press was buzzing with all this new information.  Lucy sat next to you laughing at all the notifications you were getting,

“hey baby I think you broke the internet have you checked anything”

“im too scared, can you. Check my twitter” Lucy nodded, and she gasped

“they love it. Everyone loves it. Look your fans they did the maths and realised you were pregnant on tour and they love you for it” you started crying. Fucking pregnancy and its hormones . what a relief.

The premier went well and once you flew home, you were on the plane with all the BoRhap boys and Lucy  because as they had promo for the next few weeks. You had already decided to do another album, and you had a few songs ready to go, that you were recording then once you had the baby you would take three ish months off and you would be back in the studio.  Your record company had decided instead of doing another tour if your album was received well you would do more events like award ceremonies  and music festivals. You agreed. You knew that you wanted to continue with music and your baby would always be your first priority.

On the exact day you were 39 weeks, you were standing in the recording booth, it was your last day and you had one last verse to record. Ben had promo all day and you were meeting for lunch in about and hour. As you sang your last lyric everyone clapped, and you were beaming.

“fuck”  this caught the attention of your manager,

“Y/n is everything okay?”

You shook your head,

“my waters just broke”

You were rushed into your car and Angela your manager drove to the hospital as you called ben. He was in the middle of an interview when he was ushered off stage,

“what wrong,”

“Y/n’s waters broke and she son her way to the hospital this interview finishes in about 5 then you’re going straight away”

When Ben arrived with Lucy in tow you were in the hospital bed trying get through another contraction.

At 3:21 pm your gorgeous baby boy was brought into the world. Noah Benjamin Jones was perfect in every way. He was a carbon copy of his father, much to your disgrace. Nine months of pregnancy and he looks like his father. Typical male.  

Noah was the perfect baby, and as you went back to work, he came along and was an angel. When Noah was three you toured again you took your little family with you. Noah loved to see all the new cities and he became a crowd favourite when he would come out and dance with his mamma on stage for his favourite song. History seemed to repeat itself and you found yourself pregnant again in your last few weeks of your second tour.

Your family grew,  your second child was born, a little girl Lucia Rae Jones, named after your best friend of course Lucy.  When Lucia or Cici, was six months old you and ben finally decided to get married. It was a quite a large wedding, but it was full of love and that mattered to you.

[kizardofkoz]

Muscle

It was a little over a year ago and we were visiting with our best friends over Labor Day weekend. I was still in my first year of new baby, knee deep in first-year-baby-love and my all too familiar struggle of *bouncing back* (which has Never been my actual experience. It’s more like a slow rolling on the ground mixed with some crying, disgust, guilt, disgust at my guilt and guilty about my disgust, very slow muscle gain and trying to figure out how many WW points are in the scones I just made - because friends, I make a mean scone) and I was just feeling so irritated with where I was compared to where I wanted to be. Our friends looked so lean, healthy, toned -and I? 

I was jealous. 

I felt soft and annoyed. While I was grateful that I carried a baby for the fourth time, I was So. Over. Losing. *The Baby Weight*.

They said the only real change they had made in their lifestyle was that they had been running. (They also only have half as many children and are in a different life stage with their ages, but we’re focusing on the health portion here.)

And so.

I began running. 

100% it was born out of a competitive desire to look and feel better and become a runner. But I actually found a part of me that I lost during quarantine, and the several year pattern of having and raising baby boys. 

I would leave my house for 30-60 minutes, put on a podcast that scared me (it was early fall when this love affair really began to take hold and I would listen to Spooked! - holy crap, it is absolutely terrifying. So I would throw in some true crime, just to shake up my amygdala) and as the weather started to cool and leaves started to turn, I found my alone time, running the streets of my neighborhood. 

And it was good. 

Necessary. 

Healing.

_______________________________________________________________________

I have had an interesting relationship with running and fitness my entire life. Exercise, up until this past year probably, was usually a punishment. A method to burn off the calories that I so painfully counted and tried to delete one way or another. (For several years -junior year of high school through sophomore year of college- that would involve sticking a finger down my throat, which is not a unique story for a teenage, American girl, yet it still feels quite vulnerable as I have never publicly mentioned it, like on this blog that has hundreds of thousands of followers. ;) I grew up sitting on a piano bench. I was never a super athletic kid (and was often told that) and things like running, and sports and physical coordination seemed like another realm that I would never know. So I would admire all of the athletic kids that looked so sinewy and strong and natural, and I would feel embarrassed and frustrated that God gave me the body that I had. I was grateful for my artsy, musical abilities, but in this culture, as a young woman especially, there is no greater skill or attribute, then to be small, smooth, and beautiful. 

I am still trying to figure out how to undo parts of this thinking. 

Stretched skin, years of confidence building, therapy and relearning that food is actually really delicious (who knew!) has helped tremendously. I wish I could hug younger me. 

But she had to learn this on her own. 

In her own way. 

In her own time.

So at this time, as a matured 37 year old, I went into running differently. I would leave my house and find new paths that had more gradual hills because you don’t realize how hilly your neighborhood is until you try to run. Or ride a bike. Or in my case, walk a bike up a hill.

But I would also allow myself to slow down. To walk. For the first time in my life I listened to my body, and if she was tired, I walked. If she couldn’t breathe, I slowed down to catch my breath. And it changed everything. I built strength and avoided injury. I looked forward to my next run because I wasn’t too sore, and because once I had quit using running as a method of torture it actually started to become quite rewarding.  My soul needed the exercise as much as my muscles.

Minus all of the true crime and ghost stories, it was kind of like prayer at times. Or some really bizarre, spooky therapy.

_______________________________________________________________________

Three weeks ago I had the absolute honor and life blessing of being able to attend a women’s retreat in Estes Park, CO. I flew there early on a Thursday morning to meet up with 20 women who I had never met to reconnect with a God that I was missing dearly and to find myself again.

Oh my gosh. 

I can’t even explain the exact magic of that weekend and I actually won’t give away too  many details because part of the retreats’ (there are two: a mens ones and they just began a women’s one last year) magic is the slight, secret-society-ish-ness of it, so a previous group won’t ruin the experience for those that follow. 

But I felt so taken care of and loved. I have not had the time and space to release and let go the way I was able to. In years. Every meal was prepared and cleaned by a woman named Jess. Every activity was thoughtfully planned yet not overbooked. I didn’t have to make a decision, make  breakfast or make a to-do list. My nervous system settled and my brain was clearer than I feel it has been in my adult life.

And my heart. 

I didn’t realize how lethargic I had become in my own faith. Of course I love God and Jesus and my faith is the most important thing to me, but was I actively doing anything to strengthen and encourage it? Negative. 

And this is where muscle comes in. 

I have been running and conditioning my body over the past year to run miles, to handle hills, build my stamina and improve my pace. I have put in the work and time and my body is stronger. Muscle memory.

In Estes, I feel like I just went through a spiritual bootcamp. I received a megadose injection of peace, love, refinement, depth, stillness and Jesus. I can either keep going and try to maintain and strengthen this muscle, or I can become apathetic, put it off for tomorrow, make excuses that were never meant to be excuses and just not prioritize this thing that I claim is the most important thing to me.

Guys. (And gals!)

I did it.

I’m doing it.

I am actually carving out time each day (mostly) and I am keeping a prayer journal and reading from a devotional (I go between Shauna Neiquest’s “Savor”  - thank you Meredith Hopping and Sarah Young’s “Jesus Calling”, thank you Mom), and I am Reading My Bible. (I’m a Message girl, which should not be surprising at all. The Poetry and FEELINGS!) And I am actually WANTING to read the bible. Like, I am finding it interesting and I actually kind of look forward to reading it the next day because I want to know what happens and not “I am reading this because I am Supposed to and because I have promised God since I was a child that I would read the whole thing and there’s no time like at age 37 to make good on a promise to Jehovah that I made as a 6 year old. That makes sense.”

I say all of these words NOT TO BRAG AT ALL BECAUSE NO NOPE NOPE NO NO, but to hopefully encourage others out there. (PS, I’m reading 1 Kings - if you’re Trump, that would be “One Kings”, I’m also praying for compassion and less judgment from myself. And that was the most compassionate way I could say that.:) I realized that just like with exercise, I often felt that if I didn’t have enough time to really sit down and read chapters of the bible, or have 10-15 minutes for a deep, thoughtful prayer, then it wasn’t worth giving God any time at all. I was being a perfectionist with my faith life and refused to not partake if it couldn’t be what I thought it would be. Or should be. 

And I don’t really think God, in the end, gives a shit. 

I think God wants any and all. God will take a 10 second, or 3 minutes or half hour long prayer. As long as it is authentic and humble and vulnerable because I think that is what God works with best and how we can refine and mature the most. I also think intentional longer prayers that include time to pause and listen (especially with the terrifying, faith building fear of But what if God doesn’t answer).  God and I have always chatted throughout the day, but overall, I realized that I was getting in my own way with some twisted perfectionism, when all God wants is my truest, most imperfect self.

Along with this, I have also been much more gentle with myself. I skipped a day the other day. (And yesterday!) And this is okay. I wasn’t able to get it in and instead of shaming myself and feeling guilty, negative and embarrassed, I gave myself love. I let myself  walk instead of run because there are busy days and hills and we aren’t made to run and dominate every single one of them every single time. 

 It is also important to note that I spent much of this weekend eating chips and birthday cake as it was our eldest’s first sleepover party. I stepped on the scale this morning and it was 2-3 pounds higher than it normally is. And you know what? I am actually okay. I am probably the most okay I have ever been in this situation and I am absolutely floored and comforted that I know God sees me and knows what I need. I know that in time I will get back to where I was, not with punishment but with mindfulness. And to stop eating the cake (it was so good though). And maybe ease off of the chips. 

And to joyfully run.

God’s grace is so wild, and beautiful, and abundant. 

I think I grew up with a bit of a childish, lopsided idea of God. I don’t know if it was my education, my church, my family or my own absorption and interpretation, but for a very, very long time I knew God was loving, but I also knew God was wrathful, jealous, vengeful and judgmental. After years of growth and exposing myself to other theologies, biblical philosophies, and finding my own spiritual and path, I have rediscovered Jesus and God in a whole new way. I have been reminded of, or relearned, God’s tenderness. 

God’s Gentleness. 

God’s Compassion. 

And I truly think if we could remember these qualities first, and also use these qualities first as Christians - to one another, to ourselves, and to *gasp* non-Christians - the world would literally be a different place.

So. 

I am going to continue building these muscles. I have worked really, really hard to get to where I am physically and I am really, really proud of it. I can run and keep up with my children, I have no idea what I could bench or deadlift but I can pick up our enormous <99% 1 year old multiple times each day and I feel like that in and of itself could be a really popular WOD. “The Kepler”: pick up 35 pounds 50 times and run across the house between each set of five. Then halfway through you change the laundry over as fast as you can and at the very end you realize you forgot to push start on the dryer. 

Repeat as necessary.

And I am going to continue building my spiritual muscle. This looks like prayer time, bible reading, (I even installed a wall light so I can read in this special spot because we know that special spots are really important to Jesus.) and prioritizing this priority to me. 

And this also looks like tenderness. 

Gentleness. 

Compassion. 

Because even God knows we need a sabbath and sometimes the body just needs to rest. 

The soul, too. 

And I am learning to be gentle with myself. To love me and give grace to me even when I skip a day. 

At least spiritually. 

Because physically, I am still doing “The Kepler” daily. 

Even more exhausting because my warm-up is “The Wyndsor”.

The charcuterie board that puts all other charcuterie boards to shame. Jess, a pilates instructor with a gift of hospitality, healthy cooking and presentation made us the most beautiful meals. And coffee. And wine. And pop corn. And fudge. I miss Jess.

I know what you’re thinking - *Now I see why they have 4 boys!* BECAUSE I LOOK SO DAMN GOOD IN OVERALLS!!

Just 20 something of my new dearest friends. I can’t wait to see them again next fall. So I can start crying every six sentences and zen out in all of God’s natural beauty coming through the landscape, the carved out time and the stories each of these women are carrying. Ready to drink around a fire with all of you again. I will try to stay up later this time. Maybe. (Who have I become??!) #Revel2021

[wishingforatypewriter]

Committed to Conflict

Summary: Part eight of On Casual Commitments. The friends reunite and  much Aldini drama ensues. 

“I have to get back to the restaurant, you guys,” Erina groaned, even as Ikumi called room service to bring up more drinks and brunch foods. 

It was mid-morning and they were sitting on the balcony of Hisako’s penthouse suite at the Hayatt, all but Alice sipping red sangria. There were only three days left before the pre-opening of Canvas, and the squad had descended upon the Bay Area early to surprise—and thoroughly distract—Erina. 

“Let Yukihira handle it for now,” Alice said with a dismissive wave. “You know he’s just gonna disappear on you when Ryo and the others arrive.” 

Erina pursed her lips at this, annoyed with him in advance. “I suppose that is true.” 

“Of course it is. Now, rotate your wrist, Hishoko,” Alice ordered as she held the pink haired woman’s left hand up to the sun. Ikumi and Erina leaned forward to better observe the near-blinding light that reflected off the central stone. 

“Holy shit!” Ikumi said, before bringing Hisako’s hand down to eye-level so she could further inspect it. “This has gotta be worth $15,000 US at least.” 

“Twenty,” Erina said as she eyed it.

Alice, who had been there when Akira bought the ring, revealed a small smirk and casually pointed her index finger skyward. “Higher.” 

“I don’t want to know,” Hisako sighed. As soon as she saw the robin egg blue box, she knew that he had done something crazy. 

The ring was too much, too showy, too grand—three Tiffany Classic diamonds on a platinum band. Hisako would have never chosen something so extravagant on her own, but she endured the constant oohs and ahhs and holy shits of her friends, sous chefs, and students because she knew how much it meant to him to be able to spend inordinate amounts of money on her (and truth be told, the bling was starting to grow on her). 

“For the amount of time he made you wait, it needed to be something spectacular,” Erina said as she swirled her drink around. 

“If that’s the case, you must be expecting a whole mine full of diamonds,” said Ikumi who had at some point swapped out her sangria for a flask of rum.

Erina chafed at the comment for a moment. If Alice had said it, she would have snapped, but she was glad to have grown close enough to Ikumi to experience the full extent of her sass. 

“I haven’t been waiting for that long,” she said petulantly. In the most technical sense, he had only been her boyfriend—it was still so weird to think about—for two and a half weeks. 

“You haven’t been dating for that long,” Alice corrected. “You’ve been in love with Yukihira since you were seventeen.” 

“That’s not...” Erina paused, the denial of a lifetime poised at her lips when she recalled half-drunk card games in the Elite Ten’s parliamentary office, sneaking off into the city to visit a new pop-up restaurant and leaving Hayama with all the paperwork, sitting on kitchen countertops taste-testing whatever madness he had come up with this or that time.

She remembered his dish for BLUE, the one that brought him to the world’s stage, the one finally made her give in and admit that his cooking made her see stars. She remembered going over the ingredients in her head that night before bed—the seafood, fresh legumes, and sun-dried tomatoes, the subtle hints of honey that permeated the sauce—tears welling in her eyes with the knowledge that the dish that won her had been for someone else. 

Erina heaved a long sigh and finished off her drink. In truth, part of her must have been waiting for Yukihira Souma since the day she met him. Maybe even before then. 

“New topic,” Hisako said, reading her expression. She pulled out a thick bridal magazine, annotated with countless blue post-it notes. “What am I doing with my hair for the wedding?” 

Megumi knew that they shouldn’t have left Tuscany until the latest possible moment, and she had said as much. But still, out of brotherly love and an undying urge to prove he was okay with his twin’s marriage to his ex-girlfriend, her husband had agreed to spend a week at Isami and Ikumi’s place out in the Napa Valley before the pre-open. 

When they first arrived, Ikumi had been sipping champagne in the hot tub, wearing a black monokini and eating strawberries off of a glass dish. Isami had been lounging in a beach chair, emailing the increasing number of restaurant managers interested in serving his Cabernet Sauvignon. 

Although he was polite and tried—most times unsuccessfully—to keep an open mind, Takumi’s emotions always showed on his face. Megumi knew at once that he didn’t quite approve of their excessive display of wealth—the vast swimming pool out front and the his and hers Lamborghinis parked in a garage entirely too big for the sleek sports cars. 

“Not even Erina and Yukihira are this ridiculous,” he had whispered to her on their first night in a guest bedroom bigger than their master at home. 

Megumi chucked a bit at this. “Let them be,” she said. “You know Isami-kun and Ikumi-san have always been a bit um...eccentric.” 

That was a wild understatement, she knew. The two had gotten married in New Zealand, in secret ceremony, without the blessing of nonna Aldini or the acknowledgement of the Catholic church. To this day, she knew Takumi resented that he wasn’t present for his brother’s wedding, even though Isami’s pursuit of Ikumi had almost put an end to the brothers’ friendship. 

Things were much better between them now, of course. The brothers Aldini were two halves of the moon; they could never remain at odds for long. But still, Takumi did wait until Ikumi had left to day-drink with Erina and the gang to make his request.

“Isami, I need you to take over the trattoria,” he said, while they were in the kitchen free-styling dinner. “The baby’s due in March and we want to spend the first year in Tokyo to make things easier for Megumi with her job.” 

“I wish I could help you, nii-chan,” Isami replied, with a truly regretful look in his deep blue eyes. He held his glass of wine up to more closely inspect the quality. “But we just finished buying a cattle ranch down in Texas. The Mito Group wants to try something new with the cows they’re breeding. We’re gonna be splitting our time between here and there for the next few years.” 

“Fratello,” Takumi said. “I know that you’re enjoying this...” The blond paused, grasping for the right word. “This lifestyle. But Trattoria Aldini is the family business. Dad’s getting older. He can’t do it alone.”

“The Mito Company is also my family’s business,” Isami reminded him. “And my wife is going to be the CEO soon. I belong in the states with her, at least for now. If you want to hire another sous chef I’ll pay for it—” 

“No one is asking for your money, Isami.” The words came out harsher than Takumi intended, but he still meant them. 

“Nobody said you were, nii-chan.” He swirled the wine in his cup, sipped it. “But it’s here if you need it.”

They let it hang between them for a moment, the geographic distance and their divergent priorities, and also that which was known by both brothers but remained unsaid. 

The older Aldinis, especially their father and grandparents, had never exactly approved of Ikumi—not when she was Takumi’s tough-as-nails high school girlfriend, and especially not after she moved on to the other brother. Isami hadn’t been on speaking terms with their father since a particularly colorful argument a few weeks before the wedding. The dark haired twin had made it clear that he would cut off anyone who disrespected her. 

“You won’t even consider returning to Italy.” 

“I won’t,” he replied. 

 Another crack in the mezzaluna. 

When Erina was finished with her day-drinking and wedding planning, she found that the upperclassmen had descended upon Canvas. 

Souma was holding court as always, somehow managing to entertain them while moving tables and decor into the main dining room. 

“How does one do that?” Tsukasa Eishi asked her as he watched Souma banter with his wife. 

“Do what?” 

“Extraversion.” 

Erina laughed a little at this before following his gaze. 

Her eyes narrowed as she watched Rindou sitting on the bar table, one mile-long leg crossed over the other. The red haired woman pulled a cigarette out of her purse, stuck it between her lips and had Souma light it. 

“I hate that she does that,” the former first seat said, half to Erina and half to himself. She wasn’t sure if he was referring to the tobacco or the flirting. 

“Tell your wife to stop smoking in my restaurant,” she said, only partly joking. 

“Tell your boyfriend to stop charming my wife,” Tsukasa countered in the same tone. 

Erina only gave a noncommittal shrug in response. Souma could charm the paint off the walls when he got in a certain mood, but he never meant anything by it. Rindou probably didn’t either. But still...

“I can’t believe those two used to sleep together.” It was during that hazy period between when he broke up with Tadokoro and when he started fooling around with her. Erina hadn’t paid much attention to it at the time because her attention had been elsewhere. 

Eishi shot her a sidelong glance.  

“What?” she asked. 

“You dated Saito.”

“Casually,” she stressed, deciding that she would need another drink soon. “Besides, he didn’t last long.” 

There was a pregnant pause, and then both of them started laughing hysterically. When Erina looked up, Kinokuni Nene was shaking her head at them. 

“I expected better from the two of you,” she said. “Can’t believe Satoshi made me leave our son with the sitter for this.” 

Suddenly Eishi blanched and started fiddling with his cell phone. “The sitter! What if she forgot to feed the baby, or if he got lost and she’s too afraid to tell me. Or what if he got sick; summer colds are a thing, you know and...” 

At this point, Erina knew that he wouldn’t be good for any more conversation for the next few hours. 

“You really are all parents now,” she said, thinking also of Alice’s pregnancy, and Megumi’s, and the fact that Hisako had always wanted children. 

“Has baby fever finally gotten to you, Nakiri-san?” asked Isshiki who had miraculously appeared at his wife’s side. He glanced suggestively at Souma and then winked at Erina. “He’s good with kids, you know.”

“Extremely good,” said Kuga, virtually coming out of nowhere. “I tried to hire Yukihira-chin as my live-in nanny, but alas he refused.”

“Okay,” she said, her cheeks dyed vermilion. “We are not having this conversation.” 

“But—”

“Nope.” Erina crossed her arms, her cheeks puffing up a little. “End of discussion!” 

Just then Souma came over to join the ever-growing group. “What’s wrong, Nakiri?” 

All was quiet for a moment, and then Kinokuni-san adjusted her glasses with a professorial air. “She,” the woman said, pointing to Erina, “wants to have your babies. And the rest of us want you to get on with it already.”

Isshiki and Kuga nodded solemnly in agreement. 

When Erina was certain that she wouldn’t melt into the finished wood flooring, she grasped for a comeback. Even though every iota of her wanted to explode, she knew that going off would only make it seem true. 

“I think you’re mistaken, Kinokuni-san,” she said, surprised at how calm her voice came out, how casual. She interlaced her fingers to stop them from trembling. “Kuga’s the one who wants his babies.” 

They all shared a laugh at this and Souma went to bring out a bottle of Aldini brand cab sauv. 

“You missed an opportunity there,” Isshiki whispered to her once he was gone.

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” she replied, her body still tingling with nerves. “Consider yourself lucky that I won’t poison all of you.” Hisako would teach her how if she asked.   

She took a deep breath and rolled her neck, letting the last waves of nervousness leave her. 

Three more days until the pre-open—ten until the real thing. After that she could let the knowledge that he was good with kids drive her mad. 

[lululawrence]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

All answers should be about works published in 2017.

I was tagged by @allwaswell16 and @londonfoginacup and @flamboyantommo and I feel like maybe someone else…so here I am lol also this got hella long, so i’m gonna put most of this under a cut.

1. List of works published this year: 

listen. believe it or not i published 40 fics this year. 40. in 2017. SO i’m gonna just…list them in chronological order, k? k. (this is why this is gonna have to have a read more)

1. Easy, Breezy, Beautiful 2. Bloody Mary 3. I Don’t Know What To Believe 4. The Day is Up and Calling 5. Bend Me, Shape Me with @a-writerwrites and @dimpled-halo 6. I Found a Love 7. That’s Not My Name 8. Be a Daymaker 9. Love Me Like You Do 10. What Happens Next 11. Validation 12. Cake, Phone, Harry 13. Same White Shirt 14. Now That It’s Over 15. A Word We’ve Only Heard 16. No Chance At All 17. (Make You Want To) Scream 18. Nothing Please Me More Than You 19. Let Me Make It Better 20. My Cup of Tea

21. (And Things Will Be) Hard at Times 22. Mistaken Identity with like the entire group chat  23. Wait for the End to Change 24. If It’s Meant To Be (It’ll Be, It’ll Be) 25. You Can Read Me Anything 26. (This Could Be Forever) Right Now 27. Will Love Be There 28. With You In Your Dreams 29. Couldn’t See Past Me, Till I Saw You 30. All I Want Is To Be Free 31. One Taste And He Want It 32. Better Walk That (Pap) Walk, Baby with @suddenclarityharry 33. Love So Soft 34. Got This Feeling In Our Souls 35. We’re Both Stubborn (Two Hearts in One Home) 36. Before I Knew That I Had Begun 37. A Real Work of Art 38. You Can’t Blame Me For Tryin’  39. Christmas at the Holly Lodge 40. You’ve Got My Heart

Okay, and now I’m exhausted. You still with me? Bless you.

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

@someonethatsfunny actually asked me a few months ago what work I’m most proud of, and I truly don’t know. I’m super proud of (Make You Want To) Scream, because bodyswap is hella hard to write, fam, and I DID IT. I’m proud of my reverse bang, All I Want Is To Be Free, because it was the first time I’d ever really teamed up with an artist like that. I wrote my first historical AU, my first ABO, my first cowrites, my first…A LOT of things, and all of them stretched me so incredibly so I’m not really sure which one I’m most proud of.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I dunno. I have some that I’ve forgotten I wrote this year, but I am still proud of it because have you ever published 40 fics in a year? Just the fact I was able to do that has me patting myself on the back, so yeah. There are some I don’t like as much, but I’m damn proud for what I was able to publish this year.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

They walked past a street performer, Louis completely focused on the church.  Rather than walking to the entrance though, Harry first guided Louis towards another corner.  

“This part here?  It’s completely black like this because it’s the only part of the building that remained standing after the bombing.  They were able to salvage it and recreate it as best they could to look like the original.”

Louis leaned in closer to Harry, as if he needed to physically feel him there with him.

“The Hofkirche and the Kreuzkirche are both incredible in their own way, and according to most, none of these churches can even begin to inspire you or impress you in the way that other cathedrals, like the Cologne Cathedral, do, but the Frauenkirche?”  Harry paused here as he tried to pull his thoughts together.  “I feel like she’s the perfect symbol of Dresden.  Of people in general.  So often we find ourselves having to rebuild and start from scratch when plans we had hoped and planned on fall through, but even if we are only left with some stones and the corner of the building, we can be strong again.”

Louis was no longer looking at the church but was looking at Harry.

“Well shit, Haz.  Is that what you said when you did your episode on Dresden?”

Harry rubbed his hand nervously through his hair before wrapping his arm around Louis’ shoulders.  Harry couldn’t help pulling Louis even closer than he already was, and Louis didn’t resist.  He moved his Döner to his right hand and wrapped his arm around Harry’s waist.

“No.”  Harry swallowed roughly before placing a soft kiss in Louis’ hair.  “No, that’s the special version only you get.”

Louis tilted his head back, his blue eyes studying Harry intently.  “I like that I get the special version,” he whispered.

From If It’s Meant To Be (It’ll Be, It’ll Be)

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

Oh gosh. I love so many different comments and there were some this year that truly brought me to tears, but some of my favorites were on Validation. It floors me still that people took what I wrote in a fic and started to actually put it into play in their lives. Something that I wrote inspired them to change how they approached some situations and that just…wow. Incredible. 

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Honestly, most of this year writing was my therapy. It was how I coped with everything life was throwing at me, but the hardest time for me writing wise was this month. I wasn’t feeling inspired, I was having a crazy hard time even carving out ten minutes to write, and I was exhausted all the time. Even with that, though, I was able to write two fics, so I’m proud of myself for pushing through. Especially since I now have five million ideas of things to write again haha

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Oof. Uhm…like everything? For real. So many times I was writing and things happened that I didn’t anticipate or plan for and it turned out better than I ever imagined.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

SO MANY WAYS. My big goal for writing this year was to write more, and HOLY MOTHER DID I WRITE MORE. In talking with @briannamarguerite, she mentioned once that writing is a muscle and it can be strengthened when you use it more, and through this year I absolutely agree. I started the year off with a challenge I did with a group of people who became incredible friends (shout out to wordplay peeps @a-writerwrites, @taggiecb, @becomeawendybird, @afirethatcannotdie, @dinosaursmate, @phd-mama, @londonfoginacup, and @allwaswell16!) to write a fic a week, all using the same one word prompt, and that kind of set up the average I ended up keeping through the rest of the year of publishing a fic about every week and a half. I also branched out on tropes I had never written before, tried co-writing, different structures for fics, etc. I feel like this year was a huge one for trying new things and going out of my comfort zone, so I’m actually really incredibly proud of myself for all the ways I feel like I grew this year.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I want to focus on the quality I’m putting out. I worked on quantity and telling myself I could do it, so now I want to focus a little more on editing myself really well. Being really happy with not just the story I’m putting out, but the way it’s written. I also am finally publishing a fic I’ve been working on, off and on, since 2015 next year, and that’s the longest fic I’ve written to date, so lots of ways for me to try to stretch myself still!

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Oh holy mother. @silentlarryshipper as a massive support for keeping me going at the beginning of the year for sure! I couldn’t have done this without her. All the wordplay peeps I mentioned above as well. @becomeawendybird, @gettingaphdinlarry, and @briannamarguerite for being the best, most brutal and thorough betas ever, I love all you guys SO DAMN MUCH! And without a doubt every last one of the ladies not already mentioned who were more than willing to yell encouragement at me, even when I was being ridiculous: @freetheankles, @dinosaursmate, @haloeverlasting, @indiaalphawhiskey, @dimpled-halo, @a-writerwrites, @suddenclarityharry, @londonfoginacup!

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Oh yes. My love story to Dresden has all my true feelings for the city, some of the ridiculous scenes from the mpregs i wrote are personal stories of my own, a lot of locations are from my own life, etc. 

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Don’t give up and find yourself a support crew! Having multiple writing support group chats was one of the best things to come out of this entire year for me. The other people you surround yourself with can make the biggest difference as to whether a project gets finished or not.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

oh yes! currently i have a to write or to publish list of:

wibbly wobbly, timey wimey fic (which might be my big bang after all)

a couple birthday fics to come

Marcel exchange fic

ABO exchange fic

a flicker album fic

a fic based off of Charlie Puth’s song attention

so we’ll see how that all turns out. lol

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read.

if you were tagged in this and haven’t done it already, please consider yourself tagged now! (or if you’re reading this and haven’t been tagged and want to, please tag me and say I told you to do it! I want to read your answers!!) OH and I would also love to hear from @justalittlelouislove :D

[almasidaliano]

Here’s the thing about Religion:

so i'm not religious. i am spiritual. to each's own, whatever you believe in, im simply happy you believe in something.

i grew up christian, i guess. uh baptist, ame, and non denominational. resonated most with non demoninational, even gave sermon when i was 15. and i loved it, truly. church is what threw me for a loop the most in religion, and members of the congregation. it's like hard to want to follow something when followers aren't people you would imagine when you think "Christ-like" you know?

i have always been skeptical about christianity. about religion in general really. so you talk to god and he hears you and he gets back to you with a signal or sign, a blessing or a lesson etc. very seldom people go through these experiences where they have truly heard the voice of God or seen some silohuette or something. its all about faith. and that wasn't the issue. "walk by faith not by sight" right? okay. it was the discrimination. the way people take it upon themselves to condemn others. the amount of sins people commit by simply having a judgemental conversation in a holy building is beyond me. the way the pastors feed off of the congregation. churches should be tax exempt meaning they are getting plenty to sustain their building from the government. why is the congregation dropping money in collection plates?

tides and offerings. paying dues. what about buying food for someone who was hungry? or simply giving some money to someone in need? why is it you go through your week being christ like giving tides and offerings selfishly whole heartedly, just to come to church and twice maybe three times a collection plate goes around while the pastor giving some motivational speech about how he know you got it; knowing you probably don't so to speak.

the most repetitive thing in the bible is not to judge and christians have got to be some of the most judgemental people i have ever known. when it comes to religion so many believers want to passively play god. they want to decide who is worth saving and who is condemned, who is living right, and what they need to be doing with their life. and that is not their job nor their place. you love thy neighbor. it never said unless xyz. no. simply love thy neighbor. it means be kind. love can be passive. it's treating humans like humans and not animals. common decency; which like common sense is less than common.

each religion has like its commandments you know those clear set of rules. i personally never thought these were things that needed to be clarified on the do not do list, however society. when you really break it down though, it is simple. be a good person. don't steal, don't kill. don't commit adultry (being loyal and faithful). etc. there are hundreds of stories in the bible. each open for each individual's interpretation.

if the title of the Creator is God then God is a woman. male and female exist yes i just think there is a little bit left off to the story. if there's a battle of the sexes women are the superior. first, there's father time and mother nature. time is a construct, it does not actually exist. ashes to ashes dust to dust. we all come from the earth.

see how the white man created a male god and sent his male son to save us all. "this is a man's world" (the Devil is a white man. and God is a black woman.) that is true, why? because Earth is the Devil's playground. what is so crazy is that the devil is this symbol of desire and guilty pleasures, rebellion and such and here we have the power to choose. life is about experiences. thinking for yourself doesn't make you a menace, how else do you learn? self knowledge is the best knowledge.

the Nation of Islam, is the prominent black religion. Catholicism and Scientology are the most prominent white religions. Catholicism enables sodomy and pedophilia. Scientology is a tax exempt cult, pretty much controlling the media and lowkey the United States. the Nation partnered with them and have been getting some heat from it, however i think they are trying to take it down. as time has progressed, everyone has gotten smarter. talk about a trojan horse.

Scientology and Catholicism kind of rule the country. all the many branch religions from catholicism just get ranked under that, however those two mainly. Scientology is a full blown brainwashing cult. they are the abusive partner in a domestic violence situation. most religion is. it's like religion or life. religion or family. religion or you know? more division. Scientology is more extreme in the sense that they really have policies and such enforced behind the rules and expectations. However, the same dynamic is kind of true for other religions. people get shunned and become estranged from their families frequently due to religious disagreements. it is truly disheartening because if someone is supposedly lost and you are their loved one, or simply a member of the following, why wouldnt you keep supporting them in the sense of like love companionship an ear to listen. instead, they force people to choose between trusting themselves and trusting their religion.

if your religion makes you question yourself take a look at it. you may be fucking up, you may not. however, blind trust will lead you off a cliff. almost all if not all religions talk about Jesus in one way or the other. there is truth in everything see? the Bible says its blasphemy to read another holy text. i want to find a Bible in the original script before people came with their intentions and made it what they wanted.

let's talk homosexuality for a moment. now i dont know how other religions work, however in christianity, christians love to condemn a homosexual. first thing, WHAT DOES WHO SOMEONE ELSE LOVES HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANY OUTSIDER? nothing. nothing at all. it has never been anyone's place to tell someone who they can and cannot love. there are scriptures, however they talk about pedetry and sodomy, rape, and male prostitution. crazy thing, it speaks a lot about males not committing homosexual acts but im pretty sure only comes up once about women and the topic was still men.

here's what i think: like i said god is a woman. so if the stories still hold true, humans were created right? so male and man have prefixes. these are word parts that come before. adding these prefixes creates woman and female. in that, i feel as though women were here first. (probably considering all babies start as females and then whilst developing testes drop or don't.) men cannot carry children, they don't have the nutrients in their bodies, they too have nipples however they don't produce milk. men were created as a tool. like a whole ass donor or carrier. men do not like to be "second in command". they feel like in order to be a man and wear the pants, they must do all the providing while a woman does the nurturing. whereas women are multifaceted and great at multitasking. men are constantly thinking like squirrels trying to get nuts. that's all they are here for lol. women could rule the world.

toats just a random theory: what if eve eating the apple and gaining knowledge was the knowledge of true love. like what if shorty realized she aint love dude they were just made for each other lmao. like men are here for reproduction. and to help when a woman's hand are full. i mean like they are in the garden and shit all happy and shit then shorty eat the apple give it to dude and they like oh no we naked. so they go find bushes and leaves and make some lil clothes or coverings. its the knowledge of good and evil so what if their union was evil lol in the sense of bad. like they get caste out stay together have two sons and one kill the other on some hateful envious shit. men provoke violence and evil. they are so prideful. so its like men love women, because they were made to help repopulate and to some extent protect. that's why men think with their dick heads. maybe that's why homosexuality is a "sin" or they try and press the issue; because of rape and sodomy. also, in effort to keep women unhappy since men were too. like it says man and man shouldn't be together, blatantly. not woman. man. because it was unconsensual, and they are here for reproduction so they kinda wasting product getting off elsewhere if you know get what i am saying. lol its a loose theory just popped in my head. however, it kind of makes sense. this lifetime we learning and experiencing things. at the beginning of the lifetime there was woman and then male was created with the tools needed to procreate. as life progressed, there are now ways for same sex female couples to have children. currently only girls can be born due to the lack of "Y" chromosome, however in due time. it is still presently possible for a child have two birth mothers in the present. that is what life is for, the condension of One Sound Consciousness (basically the big bang except not how they described it.). the condension of the Consciousness means when the Creator decided on this lifetime and created every single thing in it us included in order to experience each and every part of their creation. the Creator knows all, can create all, however has not experienced all; that is what lifetimes are for. the experience. the knowledge gained.

always trust the vibes. energy never lies. your body is a radar. you must protect your peace. meditation is like prayer, except broader. in my opinion you let go of so much weight and you gain so much clarity. do not stop believing. always believe in something. mainly yourself. if nothing else. the things that you eat matter too.  there are religions against eating pork, all slaves had was pig parts and pig's food. personally, i think it strengthened our bodies against more diseases and such like made us immune.

religion is simply something to believe in. spirituality is actuality. energy is undeniable. you can feel vibrations. and if you can't open your third eye because you are sleep and we need to be woke. we are superhuman. we have superpowers. for centuries, we have been under a curse of mental slavery. (sound familiar? this is why our ancestors laid down and took it. this is why my melanated friends still laying down and taking it.

having faith supposed to make you stop being afraid to die. so do yall not actually believe in something? because i get (ish) in general not wanting to die if you can help it. however, what part of the life you living is worth living truly? if you sat down and looked at the cards you were dealt, could you honestly say "nah im good, it could be worse ima ride it out." or some shit? would you truly rather live this life than fight for the life you want, the life you deserve and maybe die in the process? so what if they gone kill you anyway?

you know they out to kill us anyway. this is the land of the free and the home of the brave. you gotta be brave to be free. we caged or running the streets. "Ye though I walk throw the valley of the shadow of death i shall fear no evil-" trust yourself and give it to the universe.

We will prevail. We will prevail. We will prevail.

your God already knows your heart, learn yourself and fight like hell for peace, equality, and harmony.

-Almasi