#also him referring to lee know as 'the cat' again took me out.

[faunandfloraas]

I love you Fan Boy Hwang Hyunjin

[leaderwonim]

𝐇𝐈𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐘 — fourteen: because you tolerated me

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠. lee heeseung x fem!reader, park sunghoon x fem!reader

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲. Y/N always knew that her high school was dominated by wealth and privilege. Upon having a one night stand with popular athlete Lee Heeseung, she uncovers that Heeseung's friend group controls not only social dynamics but also school policies and local affairs, revealing a hidden world of power and manipulation behind their so called perfectly polished exteriors

author’s note: wrote this at 11pm and just finished at 12:25am 😭 my roommate told me to head to bed but i haaaaad to update for you guys so!!! enjoy the lore, hopefully it’s not too confusing ??

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Hanni isn’t so sure what to do. On one hand, she thinks she hates your guts, but on the other, she knows that she really doesn’t.

In fact, Pham Hanni had lived across from you at the ripe age of three, your moms having shared the same apartment complex. Hanni hated everything about that place, it was poorly managed, and quite frankly, cheap.

“Nini!” Little you yelled, your chubby baby hands reaching out for the girl in front of you. “Nini!”

You never knew her actual name because you were so young, referring to her only as Nini.

Hanni loved playing with you, she would beg her mom to bring over some spoiled bread they had in the pantry to pretend to play tea party and eat.

By the time Hanni turned six, her father took custody of her. Her father worked under a man named Park Hyunwook, and that was where she met Park Seojun.

He was a fairly skinny boy, but he made himself look charming nonetheless. Seojun took Hanni under his wing whenever her dad was busy in his father’s company, and soon enough, the two of them became best friends.

They became close to the point where that he made sure his father secured a spot in Decelis for Hanni.

“I’ll quit football if you don’t do it,” he threatened, which earned him a painful slam into the door by his own father.

It worked, though.

Hanni met Jungwon in her sophomore year of high school. He was a cute, rather calm composed boy who reminded her so much of a cat. She swore she fell inlove in an instant.

They talked for quite a while, and eventually, Jungwon did ask Hanni to be his girlfriend.

He stumbled upon Seojun and her hugging after class, and even though Hanni swore to her heart that it was platonic, the younger boy wasn’t having any of it.

So she spilled it out. She told him why they were hugging—of course she did—she loved Jungwon, how could she let her relationship just go down the drain like that?

“My dad’s threatening to pull me out of Decelis if I don’t tell my mom to stop contacting him.” She explained, and Jungwon didn’t understand what Seojun had to do with it.

Turns out, Seojun’s father was the one paying the tuition. If she was pulled out of Decelis, she would never see any of her friends ever again.

“Well, I don’t care if you’re rich or not Han, I love you.”

Despite Yang Jungwon promising his love to her, all Seojun could think about was how scandalous it could be if word ever got out that his father was paying for Hanni’s spot when millions of scholarship kids were still waiting.

So he killed him. Pushed him off a cliff. Seojun wasn’t a monster—maybe he was an awful person—but that didn’t mean he hated Jungwon. He just couldn’t risk it. His reputation was far way more important than some guy his friend was dating.

Besides, Hanni was a pretty girl. She’d find loads of boyfriends by the time Jungwon was gone.

“Are you listening to me? Hello?”

Heeseung waves a hand in front of your face, a playful smile comes to his face when he sees you snap out of your daze.

“Sorry,” you say. “I was just…”

He looked over at your direction, sighing when he sees Sunghoon and Hanni all close to each other. “Looking at the newly inlove couple? Yeah, I know.”

“Inlove is a reach.”

Heeseung shrugs. “I just want class to end so I can take you out for dinner.”

You practically choke at his confident tone. “We made up literally a few days ago.”

“So? I mean it when I say you’re important to me, Y/N.”

Any girl in your spot would’ve dropped dead at Lee Heeseung practically melting in a puddle in your presence.

“You should smile more,” Sunghoon says from the table across yours, his hands coming under Hanni’s chin to smush her two cheeks together.

She slaps his arm away, annoyed. “You’re lucky Seojun didn’t kill you.”

Sunghoon grows tense at that, his eyebrows furrowed. “What did you say to me?”

“Nothing.”

Danielle grows uncomfortable in her seat, her eyes dashing around the room. “How’s home life Hanni?”

Hanni shrugs, stabbing her fork into the mushy mashed potatoes the school had served. “Nothing better than before.”

She wanted to cry so badly in her seat. But if anyone had caught onto the tears that were forming at the edge of her eyes, she would lose the reputation she so desperately worked hard to maintain.

“Excuse me.” She hurriedly rushed off. Sunghoon stands up after her, but Danielle places a hand in front of him.

“Just let her be Hoon.”

And who was Sunghoon to argue with Danielle?

She practically grows limp as she reaches the end of the empty corridor, far away from the cafeteria. Her mascara is probably smudged like crazy, and she doesn’t even want to think about how insane she might look to a passerby.

“Are you okay?” You don’t register the crying girl as Hanni at first. You had just bid goodbye to Heeseung and dropped him off at his business management class, so you were in a rush to get to your class before your teacher gave you detention.

“Just leave me alone.”

Your eyes widened. “Hanni?”

Hanni never felt more embarrassed in her entire life. She didn’t even know why she was crying so hard.

Sunghoon, despite always being around her, was never truly there for her.

Sure, he was there when she broke down in tears complaining about her dad, but he only used that as collateral against her when Seojun had threatened him after he too found out about how Seojun’s dad had been paying for Hanni’s tuition.

Hanni had opened up to him more than she knows she should’ve. She told him how much she hated her dad, how everytime she went home from Decelis, she couldn’t wait to go back because she couldn’t stand an day in that house, let alone an hour.

And what did Sunghoon do with that information? He used it against her.

Sunghoon wasn’t like Yang Jungwon. Seojun couldn’t just kill him off, he was an important asset to the Park Administration for the local politics, the same ones that Seojun’s father was running for.

Killing Sunghoon was too much of a big risk for everybody involved.

Sunghoon knew he had that power over Seojun. He knew Park Seojun couldn’t cry to his daddy about him and he knew that he could destroy Hanni’s whole life with a snap of his fingers.

But he didn’t. It wasn’t fun that way. Plus, like Seojun said, Hanni was a pretty girl. Much prettier than other girls at Decelis. Sunghoon actually liked her.

Heeseung just had to get in his way. The boy knew Hanni first, but Sunghoon managed to squeeze his way to the top within months of joining the friend group. He knew Lee Heeseung had too much of a weak stomach to keep secrets like this. Lee Heeseung was a coward, and would always be in Sunghoon’s eyes.

“Drop him.”

“What?”

“Are you deaf? I said drop him.”

Hanni didn’t want drop Heeseung. She just wanted to feel loved. Heeseung made her feel loved. Sure, she didn’t like him enough to actually pursue him—but she loved the attention and adoration he had for her despite seeing through all her faults. Lee Heeseung cared for her, she just didn’t have the energy to care for him back.

So she let herself reject Heeseung’s confession on the night of Seojun’s gala, she let Sunghoon humiliate him in front of their whole friend group, she agreed to become Sunghoon’s girlfriend.

Why? Because Pham Hanni’s reputation was too big for her to let a man destroy it.

“You can tell me what’s wrong, you know, I won’t judge.”

“God, I hate you.” She whispers, hands harshly rubbing away the tears.

“Why Hanni? What did I ever do to you?”

“Because you tolerated me.” She cries even more. “Because you never once called me out on my behavior, because despite me being a total bitch, you were always nice to me.”

You had no idea what to say, so you didn’t say anything. You just rubbed Hanni’s back, wondering why the hell you were actually feeling bad for the girl who made your life a living hell for weeks.

[oneatlatime]

A Precariously Stacked Pile of Random Season 2 Thoughts

These are notes I took as I watched the season. Usually after I’d already posted about the episode in question, and I thought of something I would have added to the post. Rather than edit them into my posts, I’m rounding them up and posting them all at once. As such, they are vaguely chronological. Unfortunately, because I made the notes legible to me and me only, I didn't bother to write down what episode I was referring to. I've also added some notes in as I was editing these notes. So this is also a bit of a scavenger hunt. Enjoy!

Iroh poisoning himself: dumbass moment or 5D chess?

My autocorrect corrects “Sokka” to Sock, and “Sokka’s” to socks. This causes double takes when editing.

Badgermoles have excellent eyeliner. Is that where the Kyoshi Warriors get their jaw dropping cat eye?

Why is Ty Lee spelled Ty Lee and not Tai Li? Why is Dai Li spelled Dai Li and not Dy Lee?

Sometimes Sokka makes me think of Mulan. Am I crazy?

Are the swampbenders’ moves based on a real martial art style too?

Why didn’t Aang use his swamp sense to locate Appa post-appanapping?

Where did Toph, who spent her whole life as a prisoner of her parents’ house and a moonlighting WWE wrestler until Team Avatar busted her out, get such emotional intelligence?

Why did Zuko’s dad put forward the plan to disinherit Iron in favour of him less than 24 hours after Lu Ten’s death? Why did he think that moving quickly was the right approach? Does the Fire Nation not do grieving periods? In what world was 'strike while the iron is hot' the correct course of action here?

Looking back, I’m amazed that season 2 didn’t end in Zuko’s redemption. I didn’t much like Zuko Alone, but I was sure that a season that included that much set up for a Zuko redemption arc would prioritise finishing that arc.

I haven’t even met this Firelord guy yet, but I am peeved that that twerp has a name as cool as Ozai.

Why haven't I met that Firelord guy yet?

I really thought that the older brother character in Zuko Alone would make an appearance later on in the season, giving Zuko a chance to flex some newly acquired morals. But the parallel to Lu Ten and the general message about the evils of war lands better if we never hear of him again.

Zuko in the first half of season 2 had me so annoyed that I was incredibly uncharitable to him in my write ups. Reading through some of the stuff I wrote while watching episodes, I kind of wince now. Zuko in the second half of the season was much less annoying. Which I feel bad for saying, because he’s clearly not in a good place in the second half of the season.

I would love to know why the writers decided to have Toph and Iroh meet in the wilderness. I think it’s a good choice, but I want to know how they came up with it, and why those characters? Is there anything about Toph (especially at that point, when we’ve known her for 1 episode) that suggests that she and Iroh should meet? Or would get along if they did?

Zuko has so many rock bottom fake outs this season: Zuko Alone? Nope, he gets worse in The Chase. The Chase? Nope, he gets worse in Bitter Work. Bitter Work? Nope, he gets worse in the finale.

I’m still peeved that Azula won a 6 on 1 showdown. Sorry, but that breaks immersion.

I bet the Blue Spirit could make lightning.

If water is the element of change, why does the Northern Water Tribe have such strictly defined traditions? I get that it's literally the element of change, in that water can exist in different physical states, but shouldn't the metaphorical interpretation also be true?

I like that Toph can think like an Airbender sooner than Aang can think like an earthbender.

What is Sokka’s boomerang made of? Is it metal? Because if it’s metal, does that mean that there’s a blacksmith somewhere in the South Pole? With a forge?

I still can’t get over how dumb the whole eclipse plot was.

Suki is TINY!!!

I mocked this guy’s 80s aerobics video leotard aesthetic, and I stand by that mockery, because this guy is ugly. Those colours are awful. But do you know who else has those colours?

Jet this season fascinates me. He’s positioned as genuinely repentant and legitimately seeking a second chance and I don’t believe him for one minute. Why don’t I believe him? This show has a theme of learning from mistakes and doing better, so shouldn’t Jet be a perfect fit for this show’s themes? I should be primed to believe him. And yet I don’t.

I have to applaud Iron’s enthusiasm for their new life in Ba Sing Se. A lot of that cheer (at least before the tea shop) is put on for Zuko’s sake. I don’t know where Iroh gets the energy to keep trying with Zuko after years of minimal results, but I’m glad he does.

I think Aang and Ty Lee should hang out. They have similar circus energy. Or maybe it’s that they’re the only two characters in the show so far who are remotely playful.

Aang = surface silliness, core of calm. Not that the silliness doesn't run deep, but he seems to have an untouchable anchor of calm deep within that rarely gets disturbed. Gyatso raised him well.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~Poetry bouncer ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

I need next season to have more Appa & Mono subplots à la their escapades in The Swamp. Not à la Momo’s Tale.

Tales of Ba Sing Se definitive ranking: Momo Aang Sokka Zuko Iroh Katara & Toph

I love that Momo still sleeps in the Momo bag from The Blind Bandit

Are Suki and her warriors sitting in the middle of some Earth Kingdom forest in their underwear?

So are Smellerbee and Longshot just done? Will they be back in season 3? What happens to their life now? They are known associates of an enemy of the state who was just executed. It doesn't look good.

Everyone on this show has big ears. Zuko has the smallest ears simply because he has the least amount of ears remaining. But everyone else? Big ears.

Can I have more Gyatso? I forgot how cool he was. More Guru too please.

Hakodilf.

Everyone in the SWT has such wonderfully fluffy hair.

I like Sokka’s boots. Southern Water Tribe boots in general.

If this is the grand total of the SWT, I have some bad news about population dynamics.

Is there a proper naval term for what the SWT are doing? They’re a stealth strike force that seems to be going after individual enemy ships, using both direct and indirect tactics. Not pirates, because as far as we know they aren't going for FN supplies. They're doing what submarines do, but above water. There’s got to be a proper name for that.

Is there a raft of FN corpses chilling in the waters in front of the NWT's big wall?

I saw ATLA described as a show where all the characters are Asian-inspired people of colour, but isn’t Suki a blue-eyed redhead?

I had no idea that you could decline an Agni Kai. Zuko should have done that.

Why are the Dai Li so in love with Azula? I get that they're pissed with Long Feng for getting arrested, but wouldn't the logical choice be to direct their loyalties to the Earth King rather than a wildcard princess? I'm not going to pretend for a minute that the Dai Li are loyal to the Earth Kingdom or to Ba Sing Se, but the Earth King is a known quantity. Seems to me that it would be easier for them to re-puppetify him, rather than a FN princess.

Katara & Zuko bonding over their missing mothers is the same “makes sense until you think about it for five seconds” as Song & Zuko bonding over losing their fathers to war. Technically the same, sort of, on paper, but actually kind of rude to equate them once you know the full story. Same with the parallel between Lu Ten and the older brother in Zuko Alone. The proper dead mom parallel is Katara and Jet. Although Katara doesn’t object to the Zuko comparison, so I have no grounds to do so.

I’m really glad that Katara didn’t remove Zuko’s scar with her spirit oasis water. Both because she kind of really needed that water, but also because one thing this show has always done right is permanence. No quick fixes, no fake outs, no take backs. Lu Ten is dead, and he stays that way. Princess Yue is the moon, and she stays that way. Half a dozen people’s moms are dead, and they stay that way. Aang is the last Airbender, and he stays that way. Zuko is scarred, and he stays that way. There are no hand waves, no easy fixes. All the characters can do is learn to live with it, and go forward. And I’m grateful the show is like that, because that permanence, as well as being a good lesson to learn, functions as a reward for audience investment.

Aang did come to a crossroads of destiny in the finale, chose his duties to the world over his friends, and got aggressively slapped down for it. I have a feeling that he’ll take the wrong lesson from that, since he was already inclined to shun that path.

Overall Season 1 was prettier.

Ty Lee was the cause of more than one Beat Up Sokka Quota fulfillment this season. Make of that what you will.

Will Zuko & Azula spend season 3 bouncing between the FN and Ba Sing Se? They could be heavily involved with establishing the FN governance over Ba Sing Se, since the city is already inclined towards royalty.

Favourite episode this season? The Guru. The Blind Bandit and The Swamp are tied for second place.

[odiesbun]

♡...A trip together with them...♡

There may be errors in the text, as my native language is not English. Thank you for your likes and your request!

genre: fluff

warning: References to food, travel, family. A lot of romance. Mention of falling in love.

w.c: 1.8k

a/n: I'm alive. I haven't posted parts since I was sick, but I'm fine now, so I'll try to work again!

♡Chan♡

The most absurd thing about this situation was that your car stalled right in the middle of the road and wasn't even planning to start. Fortunately, Chan managed to park the car on the side of the road and in addition to your boyfriend, you also had Changbin and Han to accompany you on your trip.

The men went around to the front of the car, opening the hood and looking smartly at the insides of the car.

- „Apparently the car had overheated in the sun.“ - Changbin finally summed up, shrugging his shoulders and closing the hood. All four of you, including you who tried to help, didn't see any visible breakdown, so maybe Changbin was right.

- „No surprise there. In this heat, even I'm about to overheat.“ - Han wiped the sweat from his forehead, waving his hands over his face to make his time in this heat somehow easier.

- „We'll have to wait until tonight for the car to cool down so we can go home.“ - Chan clasped his hands together, sighing. He realized that at the very least you would not only mate from the heat in the car, but you would starve to death by the time evening arrived. For you only took water bottles, but you all forgot the food.

- „But we can call Minho to pick us up and our car...?“ - You tentatively suggested, arching an eyebrow.

- „Damn, baby!“ - Chan snapped his fingers. - „You're a genius!“

Then Christopher turned to the younger ones, with a proud and confident look, asking them not to empty their phones, but to try to call Minho, or at least someone in the group, to pick you up.

♡Lee Know♡

You paused in the aisle with a surprised look on your face, eyebrows raised, watching your boyfriend. Around Minho sat his three cats as he struggled to pack another suitcase while three more bags of the same huge size stood near the front door.

- „Minho, I don't think we'll need that much stuff on our honeymoon...“ - You giggled as you walked closer to the guy and helped him button the suitcase. The suitcase took on an oval shape due to too much stuff, but it slammed shut under your pressure, still threatening to open at any moment.

- „You - maybe, but me and my cats need everything.“ - Minho hummed, walking proudly out into the hallway. There were a few more towels and grooming creams on the nightstand, but your suitcases no longer had room, so you just packed it in a bag. Suddenly Minho stopped in the middle of the room with a surprised expression on his face, slowly turning his head in your direction.

- „I remembered that we forgot...“ - He gave out in a serious tone, his face darkening. Your heart skipped a beat, expecting the worst.

- „What?“ - You raised your eyebrows, turning pale.

- „We haven't done the passports for Soonie, Doonie and Dori, so we're not likely to be allowed on the plane with the animals...“ - Lee Know sighed, dropping his hands and raking all the bags into one pile.

It seems your honeymoon will have to be delayed for a few days or months... Or you'll have to leave Minho's cats with his friends or family, but then you'll be back much sooner from your vacation because the guy will miss his cats a lot.

♡Changbin♡

Changbin spread out a beautiful two-color blanket on the grass, a brazier to cook meat(if you are a vegetarian, read: vegetables) and a small but very capacious basket of food. Fireflies flew around you while you stretched another blanket over two tree branches, thus creating your home theater.

Changbin looked back at you, snickering. The idea of going out of town somewhere for an evening picnic was yours, but really, Changbin was totally head over heels and delighted that you read his mind. He carried the thought around for days, but he wasn't going to tell you about it until the weekend when you would both be free.

- „Changbin, have you finished yet?“ - You straightened up, smelling the smells of warming coals and smoky-smoked food. Before you could react in any way, Changbin held out a small piece of food to you on a stick, looking at you with puppy dog eyes.

- „Would you try for me...?“ - He muttered, finding no excuse for what he was doing. You smiled, chewing your food with an intelligent and important look. Then your eyes gleamed and you grinned contentedly.

- „Changbin, you're a born cook!“ - You clapped your hands together, smacking So on the cheek. Changbin blushed, smiling embarrassedly and looking away. - „I didn't know about your culinary talents, bunny~.“

- „Am I really that good? Come on, you're flattering me, baby.“ - Changbin chuckled, wrapping his arms around your waist and looking up at the starry sky. - „It's beautiful.“

- „What?“ - You looked up, not quite sure what you meant.

- „I was originally talking about the starry sky, but now I could say the same thing about you.“

♡Hyunjin♡

You sighed, rubbing your temples. It was very early in the morning, but you and Hyunjin were already on the road, as you had to get to his parents, who lived in another city, by lunchtime. Hyunjin was sleeping peacefully in the passenger seat, but when the car bounced on another bump, Hwang would wake up and look around in surprise, then fall asleep again. This repeated itself time after time as you drove.

Suddenly Hyunjin straightened up again, his spine crunched painfully, and he groaned pitifully and squeezily. His hand reached toward your knee, stroking you gently with his thumb. You shifted your gaze to him with a weary smile.

- „We need to eat. We haven't eaten since this morning“ - He began, combing your hair back to make you more comfortable. You nodded, knowing that Hyunjin was going to offer you something.

- „And what do you suggest?“ - Your fingers drummed on the steering wheel, you sighed. Hyunjin shifted his gaze to the windshield before continuing his train of thought.

- „There will be a small street café not far away. My family and I used to eat here often when we were away from home... This cafe is still in operation, I was so surprised when I heard about it, can you imagine?“ - Hyunjin clapped his eyes enthusiastically, clinging to your hand that was on the steering wheel.

- „Please, I loved that café so much! There are so many memories associated with it, I want another memory associated with you and this train!“ - Hyunjin whimpered childishly, sticking out his lower lip.

Naturally, you agreed, for you were both feeling hungry... Besides, how can you refuse such a nice guy like Hyunjin when he begs you so nicely?

♡Han♡

You ran after each other on the beach, laughing, splashing in the cool water from the sea. You had originally planned to go on vacation to the mountains, but a great, deserted beach came across your path that you couldn't let out of your sight.

- „Hey, that's enough!“ - You covered your face with your hands, running backwards as a hard splash came flying at you from Jisung's side. You shrieked, momentarily on the beach. - „I'm not going to unpack my suitcases of spare clothes to change into if you throw water on me!“

- „Oh, come on~. Come here, I won't do anything wrong.“ - Jisung slyly beckoned you with his hand, squinting. As you stepped back into the water, he tapped his hand sharply on the water again, sending tons of splashes in your direction.

♡♡♡

In the evening you were still on the beach, but now you were sitting on the beach, wrapped in a towel and watching the sunset. You were both soaking wet, but you were in love and happy. Jisung fumbled with your hand, intertwining your fingers and then gently kissing your knuckles.

- „You know, I'd like to do this day again sometime...“ - Jisung smiled, moving his gaze to you with loving eyes. - „Because with you I truly feel happy.“

- „Of course you do. I love you so much, Jisung.“ - You smiled, blissfully covering your eyes. Han threw a towel over your shoulders, leaning closer and touching his lips to yours.

- „I love you too, Y/n.“

♡Felix♡

Felix ran enthusiastically from side to side, telling you about every object in Australia he knew well or not so well, while you barely had time to open your mouth to say anything. Initially it was just a nice walk, during which you caught a cab to the other side of town and you casually said that you'd be quite interested if Felix told you a little about his town... But Felix gave you a full-fledged tour.

- „Wow.“ - You grinned as you climbed the massive steps up, barely keeping up with your boyfriend. - „You know absolutely everything here, even where what stone lay?“

- „Yeah“ - Felix chuckled, smiling. He waited until you reached it, and then he took your hand, and now you were walking together, holding hands. - „When I was a kid, I looked around every corner. It's changed a little while I was away...“

- „You bet it has. You haven't been in this neighborhood in about five years, have you?“ - A purring cat strode next to your feet, making you smile.

- „More... I guess I haven't been here in about seven years? Yes, seven...“ - He breathed in the warm air, spreading his arms out in the sun as if to warm himself. You giggled, hugging Felix from behind and tucking your nose into his back.

- „I'm glad you gave me a little tour of the neighborhood“ - You smiled. Felix turned his head toward you, completely relaxed not only from the sun, but also from your embrace.

- „We've got two whole weeks of vacation ahead of us, so I'll give you a tour of all the parts of Australia I've been to.“ - He rolled over to you with his whole body, gently kissing the corner of your lips, and then ruffling your hair, pulling you along again, completely happy.

Isn't that happiness?

♡Seungmin♡

You, Seungmin, and Jeongin have been driving around the city at night for hours with loud music, making for a kind of evening of pleasure and karaoke. Hiring a car for the evening and taking a breeze ride in and around the city was your best decision.

You stuck your hand out the ajar car window, catching the cool breeze as you drove past an illuminated lake on the edge of town. The same song spun on your car stereo on repeat, making you cringe at the chorus each time, singing along. Jeoning sat in the back, while you and Seungmin sat in the front.

- „Beautiful...“ - Jeoning nodded his head enthusiastically, smiling. He almost clung to the window, gasping and watching the beautiful lanterns that illuminated the space around you. Seungmin hummed, pushing the gas pedal in so you could accelerate a little, overtaking the stranger's car in front of you.

- „I can't stop falling in love with you“ - Seungmin chanted, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel. You giggled as you translated your crush on him, realizing that Seungmin was looking at you, too.

It was then that Seungmin realized he was in love with you. It was that night that you both realized that you were bound by destiny to each other.

(The song that was playing in your car - I Can't Stop by I.N and Seungmin)

♡Jeongin♡

Going by car to the other side of the country was not the best decision, but you realized it only in the process of the trip, when you were already hundreds or even thousands of miles away from home. The beautiful evening had long since changed to night, you were both tired and sleepy. On top of that, your bones were terribly stiff, and you didn't really want to stop in the middle of a dark field or forest to stretch your legs.

- „If you want, you can get in the backseat to sleep. You need your sleep, and I can tell you're tired.“ - In the silence, in which only the muffled sound of the car engine could be heard, Jeongin said.

- „Well... But... It's harder for you, you're driving. You should get some sleep, too.“ - You yawned, then smiled innocently. Jeongin smiled, too.

- „Yes, all right. I'll stop somewhere secluded so we can get some sleep.“

After a while, the guy pulled over on the side of the road. You pulled out the seats and spread out the blankets and pillows before you both snuggled up in the car. You lay together for a while before Jeongin gently touched your face with his palm.

- „You know, I'm the happiest person in the world right now. Because you're next to me.“ - Jeongin leaned gently toward you, kissing your forehead. - „Sleep, baby.“

[carmenized-onions]

reading this chapter was truly an emotional journey for me - i wrote a page of notes while reading that are completely incoherent but i will recount here anyway

firstly, of course chip is a pun girly we have known this forever, but every time she makes a joke i laugh out loud like yes you are so funny

my next focus was him forgetting to turn his location off - i hear the black dog by taylor swift playing in the background. i need this girl and this boy to realise that neither of them hate eachother because this cat and mouse game is getting on my nerves (in the best way no offence to you author)

wondering why i wasn’t invited on the richie carmen road trip - mainly because i want to hear their conversations and secondly because it would be the perfect opportunity for a tag team

as soon as i read the bit about the chance that they would interact being low i thought ,,,, ooo this will be disproved by our favourite author extraordinaire and i was right!

random request but can we have a christmas / holiday themed chapter i just want to see all the presents chip gives out i love her

also enjoying the use of kitchen as a verb when talking about richie being bad at kitchen - it’s giving ken’s job being beach in the barbie movie

thankful that you gave us some sydney/chip moments and some richie/sydney/chip moments plus some marcus later as i don’t know if i could have handled this chapter without seeing my babies having a sliver of joy for at least a couple of lines

i could be completely off base with this but was the reference to cherries when chip talks about carmen doing her prep an intentional callback to her favourite ice cream flavour? i could be majorly reading into it but if im right you are a genius and if im not you are still a genius without even knowing it

the knife tattoo being the hand she focuses on is a metaphor a mother figure english teacher should explain to me, but i am too tired to fully comprehend the meaning of this right now

sorry but who puts their wedding cake in an uber, creds to marcus for saving the day my small boy

i can’t even explain the neil fak moment but it is so fucking classic for him to misread a situation SO SEVERELY, i wish this was an actual scene because i need to physically see the facial expressions

and then we get to uncle lee. i had to put my phone down when carmen said his name, genuinely i let out a singular clap. we have never seen chip like this and i don’t know if we ever will again. this interaction consolidated the chip being a sponsor theory for me as it is so clear that she cannot stand the way people talk about drugs and addiction - especially regarding mikey

a callback to the italians loving their unions, you love to see it

i wrote very minimal notes on the carmy chip interaction at the end of the scene as there is really nothing for me to comment on except for how beautifully you wrote it. it is so peaceful but so angry i don’t know how you manage to do this every time. such a great reveal (despite the theories) as it did feel like a suprise to me still!!!

amazing work once again, i am sorry if this is completely incoherent i dont know how else to say this hahha

I DID GET THIS ASK!! I just took ten years to get to it, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE LOVE!! It's all coherent dw let's fuckin LOCK IN!!!

list format let's fucking go

I remember when I first read this (the pun thing) it really had me kicking my feet because it just sounds like-- Like when a girl will laugh at fucking anything someone she has a crush on says. everyone be honest do you have a crush on tony? I'm moving the keep reading down so everyone legally has to answer.

AND THE LIST RESETS BUT IF I SIMPLY JUST PRESS ENTER ITS LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED

I'm not a huge taylor girl but I will put it on in the background as I write the rest of this answer lets fuckin goo. These two really needed the under the counter talk we were TIRED

LMAO So many people wanted to come to that road trip-- You all dodged a bullet. Also so did I. because i didn't want to have to figure out how it would've gone. that sounds like so much work and i just wanted to have cute wedding time. sometimes we do time skips because we just want to have cute wedding time and no one admits this

of course it'd be disproved!! and

SHHHHHH you babies always be making requests, I DONT PUT GUNS IN THE FIRST ACT FOR NOTHING YOU KNOW ME!! but SHHHH!!!

he SUCKS at kitchen! Sometimes I use terms as verbs because it seems like how kitchens do things and i want everyone to think i know what it's like to work in service and i'm NOT just googling it and asking my bartending/server/linecook friends how it is. that's definitely NOT what's happening

ive said it a million times, who really cares about this carmen guy in this carmen fic. it's all about literally everyone else.

100% it's a call back! I reference cherries honestly more than i could ever expect. it's the flavour of the series now.

The knife tattoo thing though that was just me and my thing with hands. i have a thing with hands. so canonically tony also has a thing with hands. she just thought he was hot. but also about referencing it twice i did think-- or i guess wrote it-- i just think it's interesting how Carmen put his hand on her mouth and then ran that same hand through his scalp. just think thats interesting. just. thats something huh? or this could mean nothing

YOU'D BE SURPRISED I'VE HEARD HORROR STORIES OF PEOPLE HAVING THEIR CAKES DELIVERED BY UBER THINKING IT'LL BE SAFER THAN GETTING IT THEMSELVES AND THEY EAT SHIT ON THE WAY OVER

I wish so deeply I was a writer or director on the bear and could film this man. MATTY!! MATTY ARE YOU OUT THERE!!? HIRE ME BABY PLEASE?!?!?! I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR IT AND EVERYTHING COME ON!

Putting the phone down I think I've heard is one of the highest honours one can achieve? I've been told. AND A CLAP!? Let's fucking go. I won. I won boys! I can't think of a moment in which we will ever see Chip get this particularly hyphy-- Not to say she won't get mad in the future, but this was a very specific type of mad. genuinely if this wedding wasn't a lovely wedding it would've been so over.

The Union Italians scene was so much longer in the original version in my brain-- But I condensed it upon writing because it didn't really add much. But it was essentially gonna be Tony tired and then while ordering they look at her and go "wait,,, have you taken a break?" :( "no" "WHAT??? KNOW YOUR FUCKING RIGHTS!!!!"

This makes me so happy that I nailed that feeling, I was worried honestly that it was too peaceful? But that peaceful sort of like tempered anger is exactly what I was trying to go for. Like we're trying to problem solve and it's all kind of funny but I am still so mad.

AND ONCE AGAIN I THANK YOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTS I EAT EM FOR BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER LOVE YOU!! I hope you love the next chapter it's a fucking DOOZY that I honestly think is going to throw everyone for a fucking loop. I'm so excited to see immediate reactions as they come through.

[happyandticklish]

HAPPYYYYYYYY!!!!

since you sent me such a CRUELLY EXPOSING ask (<3 /j) I figured it only fair to return the favour ^^

If you could only pick ONE fictional character to absolutely wreck you, who would it be and why?

...

...

And what do you think that says about you 👀👀

hehe love ya happy <333333

(and omfg thank u so much for liking the fic you have no idea how happy I am that you enjoyed it take your time to scream I'm just glad I did your post proud !!! ^^)

CROWWW!!!

How fucking dare you (affectionate) the audacity of this. I will answer, because I honor my promises, and also because yours was far more exposing than this and I got a lot of insider deets out of that 😌

Also, again with the goddamn choices man, you gotta cut that shit out, a girl can only choose things so many times

Okay, so this took me a thousand hours to decide because there's a couple that I have in my head

And I know you said one, and I will provide my top one, but I have to list the top three because they're all pretty much tied. I also think it's incredibly ironic that my top three lers are also my favorite lees. I don't know if you know any of these characters so I provided a bit of background information for reference

1. At the top of the list.... Chishiya!

I've only known about him for a couple of weeks but that was enough~ I would also like to preface all of these by saying, do I think any of these characters actually would tickle me? No, because most of them are either assholes or would think it's weird. But I am choosing to ignore that for the sake of this question~

So he's a character in Alice in Borderland, which is a show about people who participate in death games and shit. But Chishiya was the Cheshire Cat-esque character, hence the name, so just imagine that vibe for his character. He makes me go absolutely feral, and the idea of him doing it is,,,,,, yeah. I feel like there would be one of his classic slight smiles and a head cock somewhere in there as he watched your reactions, and that would perish me on the spot.

2. Mostly tying out is.... Damien!

So Damien is from The Bright Sessions, and is essentially this guy who can make people do whatever he wants through projecting his own desires via superpowers. He's also half smug asshole/pathetic wet cat of a man. It is the latter half that makes him so tickly-able, but the first half that has him on this list. If you heard his voice, you'd get it. He does this kind of deep drawl thing with it, and his voice is so fucking smug and teasy for literally no reason, it's absolutely not necessary for anything that he says. But whenever he "wins" against someone, he's consistently rubbing it in their face and it's annoying but also,,,, yeah, just but also.

3. Returning as one of my og faves.... Connor from DBH!

He's an android from the game Detroit Become Human, which is essentially about these AI androids that gain life and learn what it means to be human while overcoming bigotry and a bunch of other shit. But Connor was an android cop that was sent to investigate the case, and eventually starts to become deviant, or human, himself. But he's such an attentive, perceptive character because he has to be. His whole job is about analyzing other people. So he can pick up when others are embarrassed and why, and he'll just fucking point it out because he doesn't know you don't talk about those things. So the idea of him noticing that you're ticklish and that you like it, because he would absolutely pick up on that, and pointing it out is beyond flustering for no reason.

As for what they say about me, I think one safe conclusion is that I like assholes lol. But in reality, I think it's mostly reaction based. Having somebody really, truly see me, notice things about me, and discover what things get to me, is such a flustering but nice concept. Just having someone work to get a certain reaction out of you, or tease you when they notice the effect something is having on you, especially if you're trying to hide it. I just like being teased guys. Tk or otherwise, it's such a giddy, happy feeling and I'm obsessed with it.

[my-blessed-prince]

Sunday Excerpts, Home in Narnia, Ch. 1, Verity POV, pt. II

@vsnotresponding @olive-riggzey

“Okay.” Lao said, and he quickly removed himself from her embrace. His pace was far too quick, and he entered into her small home, though not without taking a quick peek at her, before disappearing inside.

“Lao, wait for me!” She said, and she ran up the pathway into her home. Verity burst into her home, and to her dismay her mother was there.

“Why’d you bring the boy over?” She said with pursed lips. “It’s not proper.”

“You know, if I have no friends, then I’ll disappear entirely. And more missing children is not proper, mother.” With a shove, she pushed past her mother. The woman didn’t care that her eldest daughter was gone, but perhaps she would care when she had no children left or had to take care of Ray on her own.

The tiniest of smirks appeared on Lao’s face, and she giggled, the anger from before dissipating. With her arm in his, they scampered off into her room. Her mother didn’t bother to stop her. She didn’t bother to do a lot of things besides belittle her.

She shut the door behind them, if only because it was very improper, and she sat down on the floor with Lao.

“She glared at me right when I came in.” Lao said, and he opened her suitcase.

“Now, Lao.” Verity said in a drawled out tone. “You wouldn’t want to help me unpack. That isn’t proper.”

“My eyes will probably get burned out if I see your underwear.”

“That is exactly what will happen.” Verity said. “I read about it at school. Boys go blind if they see girls they like, or worse yet, know they have underwear. And then they stumble around.”

Lao started to fold her clothes, and he said “I haven’t stumbled yet.”

It was Verity’s turn to blush at the reference. “You haven’t met a girl you like–”

“I have.” Lao said.

Her blush deepened. She wondered if she was the girl he liked. Lee and Ray insisted that was the case, but it was hard to tell.

Verity started to fold the clothes with Lao. “What is she like?”

“Adventurous. Sasses her mother, and rightfully so. Smiles a lot.” Lao said. She saw his hands shake a little while folding her clothes. “I think if I go blind, it’s because she’s bright, and not because of her clothes that I’ll fold.”

“Do you fold other girls' clothes?” Verity asked.

Lao was quiet again, and he said “It’s a secret.”

She pouted. He did this a lot. Got close to admitting that he liked her, and then backing out far too soon. Ray was right, Lao was a scaredy-cat.

“How long do we have until Ray and Lee show up?”

“Depends.” Lao said. “Ray is never on-time to things. I told them that you’ll be here three hours from now, but if Ray is with Lee…I’d say five hours just to ourselves.”

“You’re naughty, Lao.” Verity said with a click of her tongue. “You would have gotten two whole hours of alone time with me.”

“But you see.” Lao said. “I figured we needed one hour alone for each month we haven’t seen each other. It’s only fair after being forced into going to separate boarding schools.”

“True. It’s the only logical choice.” Verity said.

“I also scared Lee into not showing up early. I said your mom would get real mad at him.”

Verity laughed, while she folded her clothes. “He’s terrified of her, Lao.”

“Exactly.” Lao said. “Works to my advantage sometimes.”

Verity took a pile of clothes that they had folded, and she started to put them away in her dresser. “So what are your plans after being so devious–”

Her question was cut off by the screeching voice of her mother. “Verity! Stop flirting with Lao, and come do your nightly chores.”

Verity’s shoulders slumped, and she put the last of the clothes away. “I’m coming, mother.” She said in her most dead-sounding voice.

Lao got up, and he placed a hesitant hand on her shoulder. “To be a maid with you.”

“Quite boring.” Verity said.

“Not when it’s with you.” Lao said, and he did his famous small smile. 

She shoved his arm. “You got Lee and Ray to show up so late, so you could do chores with me?”

“I figured it would take about four hours to accomplish, and then that’s an hour alone. They could have been extra help, but you know how Ray is.”

“Whiny, and then we have more chores.”

“Precisely.” Lao said. “So, I thought it would be best to come alon–”

“Verity!” Her mother screamed again. “Get over here! If Lao can’t help, then he can leave.”

“She knows you’re a good cleaner.” Verity muttered.

“I know.” Lao said, and they left the room. 

It didn’t particularly matter that Verity lived in a very small house. She and Alina had been the poorest students at their boarding school. Aiko and Leia were some of the popular girls that hadn’t cared, and they had all gotten along. They bonded through having terrible parents. But then a year before, the three of them had disappeared when going to play while Verity was sick. 

Now she was alone, and it was experiences like this she would only have Lao to vent about. Although, he didn’t quite understand the way that they did. Lao had been an orphan since he was eight. 

Her mother was all flushed, as if Verity and Lao did something terribly offensive, and she fanned herself. Verity barely restrained herself from burning holes into her mother’s skin through her glare. Lao kept his face more neutral than usual, if that were possible. 

“I haven’t had anyone to clean for me–I might take you out of that boarding school and keep you here.”

Verity’s blood went cold. She didn’t really care for school, and she got bullied at times, but there were other loser girls that were bullied and a few sprinkling of teachers who were kind. 

“If I have an education, I can help secure a finer home and someone to help clean–”

Her mother scoffed at her. “Yes, when you’re twenty-five. I’ll be a corpse by then. You have more practical uses for me now. I’ve relinquished your records. You’re staying here. I’m homeschooling you.”

Verity’s eyes burned. She didn’t need to ask to know that there would be little schooling done, and it would be mostly chores and being a personal slave to her mother. 

“Ms. Cecelia–” Lao said.

“Shut it.” She snapped at him. “You’re lucky I allow you here. Giving my daughter impure thoughts–”

Verity’s face flushed. Was it that obvious that she liked Lao? That wasn’t a crime, was it? It wasn’t like she wanted to do very…adult things. But sometimes she thought about what it would be like to receive a little kiss.

Lao was silent, but from the corner of her eye, she saw the flame dance in his eyes. “How can I be of service, Ms. Cecelia?”

“About time you asked.” She said, and she thrust a list at him, and it unraveled all the way to the floor. Verity shuffled closer to Lao, and they looked at the list together. 

[lebrookestore]

four years, one night

Pairing: Ten Lee x  female reader

Themes:  SLOWBURN, best friends to lovers, player! ten, fuckboy! ten, fluff, humour, angst, sexual tension, college au, some talk about music 

Warnings: angst, cursing, mentions of sex (?kinda), ten is kind of an asshole, reader calls herself a dumb bitch, bittersweet ending, three kisses, kissing, gets a little spicy in one scene but that’s about it, PG15

WC: 10.8k

Playlist: Dream Launch by Wayv, Never let you go by AleXa, Illicit Affairs by Taylor Swift, Young again by Morgan Evans, Without You by NCT U, The Tempest by Beethoven (this looks so out of place eye-)

Taglist:  @danishmiilk @channoticedmeuwu​  @1-800-seo @sweetlyjaem @badwithten @blueprint-han @chicksung

Summary: Ten was a fickle person, he jumped from one person to another, breaking hearts, and getting his own heart broken. The one person who had to pick it up every time? You, of course, and it was exhausting, especially when you had to watch.

day break  [ extra piece based in this universe ]

A/n: hello! this fic is very much self indulgent, but i love it so much. I spent most of the last week working on it and half of it is me simping, and I hope you enjoy it. Thank you to @chicksung​ for beta reading and helping me throughout writing this. As always, feedback would be very much appreciated!

‘I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong’- Lemony Snicket

~

A loud slam of the door made you flinch, shutting your eyes in exasperation as you knew what was to come. The same thing over and over again, you were used to it. Honestly, it was nothing new, but his stupidity, the obvious was in front of him, but did he listen? Of course, he didn’t.

A figure walked into the room, a mop of messy black hair with brown highlights adorning his head. It was pretty long at this point, his bangs reaching his eyes. Those damning eyes, melting pools of chocolate brown that seemed to bore into your soul. Those eyes looked remorsefully at you now, as he plopped down next to you, wrapping his arms around your midriff and burying his face in your back.

You sighed. “Again?”, you asked, running your fingers through his hair as he hummed a response. “Again”, he repeated, confirming your suspicions. He looked up, his eyes meeting yours.

You hated his eyes.

He managed to make you do anything for him with just a look. They were undoubtedly your weakness, when they looked sad, or when they upturned into a smile, that instantly brightened your day.

“I can’t seem to get it right can I?”, he asked, searching your eyes as if you had all the answers to his turbulent love life. You scoffed, “You couldn’t have been serious about that chick, Ten, you met her three weeks ago, and she was simply a rebound for you” “Thanks for the support”

“I’m being real, not supportive”

He rolled his eyes, pouting. “But I liked her”, he whined. You gave him a pointed look, “Please, You just wanted someone to be with, if not to fu-” “Oh my god, shut up”

You smirked, turning your attention back to your laptop, where the essay you had been trying to write glared back at you. 

“I just want someone who understands me”, Ten continued, still looking at you. You looked at him. 

I understand you, you thought, I’m here

Ten had always been like this, he jumped from girl to girl, getting his heart broken several times because he was too forgiving with it. He wanted to love, he had always romanticized the idea. Honestly, you thought he needed love too, but he was going down all the wrong paths.

And you had to be there every single time to pick up the pieces.

“I know”, you said half-heartedly, biting your lower lip. He propped his chin upon his fist, observing you and your concentrated look. You typed away, desperately wanting to be done with this paper, one you had been working on for about three days. 

“Do you think I’ll ever do something right?”, he asked. You froze, pushing down what you wanted to say. It was hard, having to deal with Ten's endeavors of the heart’ as he called them. The right term would be- doing random shit and breaking girls' hearts', but of course, he refused that catchy title. Sighing, you shut your laptop, knowing you wouldn’t get anything done now that he was in a mood.

“You haven’t done anything wrong” “Haven’t done anything right either”

You took his face in your hands, “You haven’t done anything wrong, you’re amazing, now stop moping, I’m ordering pizza”

He pulled away from you, sitting up properly. “Can I stay over?”, he asked hopefully. You clicked your tongue, looking at him with an annoyed expression. “Don’t you have your dorm?” “My roommate said he has a girl over, and I kinda want to sleep, thanks” You rolled your eyes, but nodded, picking up your phone and walking into the other room to order.

You heard laughter and looked back to see the boy laughing at something on his phone. Probably a cat meme, or something of the sort. You admired his side profile for a minute, the slope of his nose, the way his eyes shone. He was okay, you supposed, annoying, but okay. No matter how much he tried to justify it, he didn’t care for the girl who broke up with him. He was just fine right now, and had moved on from the topic pretty quickly, and was already smiling.

You also hated his smile. Infuriatingly adorable, one smile would make you want to smile back. You hated it with every ounce of your being, the effect he had on you. 

You hated Ten Lee.

Scratch that, you didn’t hate the poor boy, you just, despised him?

Nope, you were close friends.

Ironic isn’t it? You had met Ten at a party, where the Dance major was having a lot of fun. You hadn’t seen him before but had heard of him. The boy who jumped from girl to girl as easy as one, two, three. You had no intention of even talking to him, you were content in a dark corner, with a drink.

Nothing ever goes your way. 

The meeting was by chance, he was dared to ask you to dance, you declined, he persisted giving you those puppy eyes. After glaring at him, he sighed, explaining it was a dare, and that he didn’t want to make a fool of himself, and before you knew what was happening, you were awkwardly swaying along to the music with him.

He, regrettably, stuck with you for the rest of the evening, and you ending up liking his company, to the extent where you invited him over the next day for pizza.

The pizza situation turned out to be a thing between the two of you, a tradition of sorts. He would come over with candy, in an oversized sweatshirt looking illegally adorable, you would supply the blankets, and movie nights would begin.

He had a sweet smile and sparkly eyes, which made you question if this was the guy who broke hearts, who was a player. He was like a puppy, it confused you to no end.

“Miss L/n?”, your professor asked, raising an eyebrow at your spaced out figure. Startling, you blinked rapidly, cringing at the situation you had put yourself in. “Sorry”, you apologized, focusing back on the textbook in front of you. You were majoring in Psychology, and while you love the subject, the teacher didn’t like you very much, probably because you had been so distracted the past few weeks, and you hadn’t done particularly well in the midterms.

Needless to say, you were stressed.

The class got over quickly, and you walked out of the lecture hall, deciding to get some coffee before your next class. The cafe was a well-loved one visited by almost every student, and was famous for its chai-lattes, so much so that others also visited it, and not just the students.

Turning towards the on-campus cafe, you spotted Ten already there. His glasses sat at the edge of his nose, giving him an oddly studious look, which was almost laughable. He stood there, holding two cups of coffee, eyes lighting up as he spotted you.

Ten Lee was going to be the death of you.

You walked up to him, taking the coffee which he handed to you, “What do you want?”, you asked suspiciously, taking a sip of the bittersweet drink. You noted the fact he had gotten your favorite, which only worsened the feeling of butterflies in the pit of your stomach. He looked mock offended, and grinned at you, “Nothing!”, he said, “Just wanted to see you”

You rolled your eyes in an attempt to thwart your initial reaction, beginning to walk back to the main campus, for your psych class. Ten walked beside you, holding his sketchbook in his right hand, and coffee in the left.

“Okay, um actually-”

“You want something don’t you?” “I need a reference model”, he said, “So, Y/n, could you please-”

“Oh my god no”, you said, without even letting the poor boy finish, “Last time this happened it ended up with a pain fight and my sweater destroyed.”

“I said I was sorry!”, he semi shrieked, “And this time I need it for a project worth half my grade.”

Sighing, you but your lower lip, nodded tentatively, to which he let out an almost inhuman sound of appreciation, “When are you free?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Nah, I have a date”

You blinked in surprise, and he smiled sheepishly. “Eun-hae asked me out and I said yes so”

“Of course you did”, you muttered bitterly, “You broke up with that other one yesterday”

He seemingly chose to ignore you, “Sunday?”

You nodded and took another sip of the drink you held. He smiled, his eyes forming those endearing crescents that you loved, or hated, depending on what you were going for.

“Thank you, Love you”, he called out, jogging away to his class. You watched him run-walk away, almost dropping his sketchbook. Shaking your head in amusement, you smiled somewhat sadly.

“No”, you whispered, “You don't”

You didn’t know exactly when you fell for Ten, only that it happened suddenly and you couldn’t deny it. He was idiotic, on many levels, but he was sweet and was there for you when you needed it. 

He was a dance major, and an art minor, talented in both these aspects. You had seen him dance, it seemed like his body moved with the music, it told a story every time. He would illustrate emotion with his dancing. He did that with his art too, each stroke equivalent to a sentence from a story.

Anyone could tell he loved both of them.

You let out a frustrated sound, bending down to pick up the pen you had dropped. You were in your apartment, trying to finish an essay that was due the next day. You longingly glanced at your keyboard, the one instrument that you loved.

Well actually, you loved the piano, but you couldn’t haul your piano from back home to your apartment that you had rented out for your college years, and so you settled for a keyboard. You had loved music ever since you were little, instruments making its way in and out of your house. Your jazz phase consisted of saxophones, and you played the guitar for a bit too. You even picked up the drums for a while, insisting that it made you cooler (because every thirteen year old needed that validation), but you settled back to piano eventually.

You took part in competitions and such, sometimes singing along with your playing as well. 

But you couldn’t afford to even think about playing, until you finished your assignments, which were all marked. They were extensive projects that made you want to scream at times. You didn’t care what Shakespeare meant, nor did you want to conduct a survey about emotions. 

Turning the page of your textbook, you switched tabs to your next resource, ready to jot down more notes for the essay, when you saw a notification at the bottom right of your laptop, which was an email. You clicked on it and let it open.

Your eyes widened, gaping slightly at the screen as you read the email.

 To: y/n@gmail.com

From: admin@royalschoolofmusic.com

Good morning/evening,

            We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into The Royal School Of Music on a scholarship. We have received your application and are impressed by your talent and dedication. Please send us a follow-up email within a month's time to confirm your attendance at our institution.

      TRSOM

 You grabbed your phone, texting your mother about the scholarship, shaking in happiness. It had been your dream to get into the Royal school, but you had initially applied to it on a whim, not really expecting to get in.

You swiped through your contacts, ready to call Ten, who was regrettably your best friend, to inform him of the good news, until you realized-

The school was in another country altogether.

While you knew Ten would be ecstatic about the fact you got it, you had known each other for four years, the entirety of your college career, and leaving for the school would be a bit of a shock. It was definitely not the fact that telling the boy you loved you were potentially never going to see him again that was deterring you from telling him.

You placed your phone back down, telling yourself you would deal with that later, reminding yourself you had an essay to finish.

Ten tapped his finger impatiently on the table, trying to figure out a way to get out of this date. Initially, the girl he was out with, Eun Hae by name, seemed nice, but as time went on, it was clear she had no personality. 

Now, Ten wasn’t one to judge immediately. He tried to give her a chance, smiling and indulging in the bland conversation, he smiled and complimented her, and was sweet. It was going fine for a first date until of course, she suggested they share a fruit salad.

There were about fifteen other salads on the godforsaken menu, but no, she had to choose a fruit salad, above everything else.

Ten was not having it.

He excused himself, muttering something about an assignment, and went to the restroom of the restaurant, pulling out his phone and searching for your contact, clicking on it.

 [8:39 pm] 10: y/n

[8:39 pm] 10: y/n

[8:39 pm]10:  my precious friend

[8:39 pm] n/n : what now

[8:40 pm]10: I need help

[8:40 pm] n/n: I refuse 

[8:40 pm] 10: I am ofFENDED

[8:40 pm]10: please my date is making me eat fruit

[8:40 pm] n/n: sounds like a you problem

[8:40 pm] 10: I am quivering in fear and this is how you react

[8:40 pm] n/n: I have three assignments to finish

[8:41 pm] 10: I’ll take you for ice cream

[8:41 pm] n/n: deal

[8:41 pm] 10: why has our friendship been reduced to bribery

[8:41 pm] n/n stfu or I won't come and save you

[8:41 pm] 10: I LOVE YOU 

 He quickly sent you his location and put his phone back, getting back to the table and smiling as realistically as he could at the girl opposite him, who was still going on about one of her friends and their doings, while he tried to look as interested as possible.

“So, should we order-”

Right at that moment, you walked in, hair tousled because of the wind and a disgruntled expression on your face. He made an attempt not to smile at your appearance, ignoring the warm feeling he got on seeing you.

You looked around spotting him and storming over, “Ten Lee, what the fuck are you doing here”, you asked, ignoring the girl that sat right opposite him, mock angrily. He caught on, staring at you in bewilderment, noting the hint of amusement in your eyes, “How dare you to do this to me!”

“I-”

“Um, who are you?”, the girl asked, seemingly offended that you had interrupted their date.

You scoffed, displaying all your acting abilities in their full potential, “Who am I? Who are you?”

She blinked in confusion, and Ten used every bit of willpower he had to prevent him from bursting out into laughter. “I’m his date?”

“Un-fucking-believable”, you said, “Ten Lee how could you?”

At this point, Ten was invested in whatever lie you had somehow come up with to get him out of this date. It seemed like you had an entire explanation for it, either that or you were taking the opportunity to scream at him. Both seemed valid.

“How dare you lead this poor girl on!”, you continued, taking a turn, making the girl look scared, “You didn’t tell her did you?” “Tell me what?”, she asked anxiously, leaning forward. You fought to keep your straight face on seeing Ten lean forward too, apparently interested in whatever abomination he committed. 

“He’s gay”, you said with as straight a face as possible, which was hard considering the girl looked so embarrassed, you could see her face go red. Your best friend looked at you incredulously, almost as embarrassed as his ‘date’ was, and mildly amused.

“Now, if you’ll excuse us, I’ll be taking him”, you stated, grabbing Ten’s hand and taking him along with you, out of the restaurant and onto the streets.

“You really-” “Ice cream”, you demanded, smirking at his obvious embarrassment. He gaped at your indignance, but nodded, “At least you got me out of there”

“I’m an actress”

“Fuck off”

“Finals are in two weeks, I still come help and this is how to repay me? Ungrateful”

The two of you took Ten’s car to the Ice cream shop, leaning on the hood as you ate your ice cream, with Ten occasionally stealing bites. You smacked his hand away, glaring at his as he tried to take another.

“I’m literally the one paying for it”, he argued.

“This is payment for saving your ass”, you retorted. He slung an arm around you, ignoring you and taking his phone out, scrolling through Instagram. You leaned into him, the scent of your shampoo making its way to him. There was that warm feeling again, and he didn’t like it one bit. 

Deep down, he knew what it was, but he was too much of a coward to ever try, or even take a chance with it, because he wasn’t one for commitment, and even though he had thought about it, he was, as much as he hated to admit it, scared.

“So can I get another scoop?”

“You have assignments to finish”

THREE WEEKS TO GRADUATION

~

The lilting tune played through your apartment, your fingers running across the ivory keys in fervor. They clicked and clacked ever so often, which was the one thing you hated about keyboards. The keys weren’t as firm as an upright piano, giving the music an annoying clickity noise.

Most of the time, you could ignore it, but today you were tired, and this piece was particularly difficult. For some reason, you were having trouble playing the accessories, and keeping the piece in time. You played that part over and over again, but it wouldn’t work.

You switched off the metronome in annoyance, you stared at the music sheet in front of you, trying to figure out how the fuck you should play the piece. Your door clicked, and you did your best to curb your annoyance at the fact someone was interrupting your practise time, no matter how hard the piece was.

Like all keyboards, yours was smaller than an actual piano, and looked very out of place in your apartment, which was warmly decorated with all sorts of trinkets and such. One of Ten’s sweatshirts was thrown on the sofa, and for some unknown reason there were three candles sitting on your table.

It was confusion incarnate, to say the least.

You heard the door click, and a girl walked in, smiling at you. It was the only other person other than Ten who had the key to your apartment, Angie. She was shorter than you, but only by a little bit, had a fringe and brown eyes. She was pretty, and easy to talk to, which was probably what drew you to her in the first place.

“Hey”, she greeted, seeing you on your keyboard, “Whatcha playin?”

“An andante”, you groaned, “Why are you here?”

“I have nowhere else to be”, he said bluntly, “Renjun’s at Doyoung’s place or something”, she pulled out her phone, “I’m just here to chill dude, continue playing, I finished two projects and my brain in dead”

Renjun was her boyfriend, who was on the Dance Team with Ten. The two were ridiculously cute, but due to the fact she now had a boyfriend, the two of you spent less time together. You were okay with it though, you understood.

“Isn’t Doyoung with his girlfriend?”, you asked, and she shook her head, “No, she’s at her Chinese class”

You nodded, going back to your piece, placing your fingers on the correct notes when-

SLAM

Your door opened and closed again, and you closed your eyes, praying to whatever God existed that one day, you would get to practise without interruptions. Ten trudged through throwing himself on the couch, next to Angie, who paid him no attention. “Hi”, he greeted you, and you glared, causing him to give you a look of confusion.

“What did I do now?”

“Not your fault, sorry, I’m not getting this piece”

He perked up, walking over to where you were, “Can I help?”, he asked, gesturing for you to move to the side of the piano stool so he could sit next to you. He studied the notes, as you looked at him, admiring his side profile, wondering how someone could be so pretty. He placed his hand on the keys, playing it. He made a mistake but in the place you had gotten. He got the part you were struggling right.

“Here, do this”, he explained, “The notes are after the third but before the fourth count, so you have to play it quickly”

You nodded, trying to play it, not quite getting it but it was getting there. He smiled, his eyes turning into crescents as he grinned at you.

You hated his smile.

It was infuriating, the fact that he always helped you, he was always there. You kept finding yourself falling for him more and more, and you didn’t want to, because you knew how Ten was, and it was making the whole ‘telling him about the acceptance into the music school’ a lot harder.

You thanked him, pushing him off the stool playfully so you could finish your practice session before going back to studying. He made a mock offended look, retreating to the couch next to Angie, who was engrossed in texting someone, presumably her boyfriend.

His hair was messed up, sticking up in different directions making him look ridiculously adorable. You shut down the keyboard, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to practice anymore with the both of them around. You went to sit next to Angie, but Ten’s entire presence seemed to be in your way.

“Move”

“No, I’m comfortable” “Chittaphon Leechaiya-”

“Yeah I’d like some chai”, Angie said mindlessly, causing the two of you to look at her in mild astonishment. She seemingly didn’t notice your gaping looks, still scrolling through whatever she was looking at.

“Did you just reduce me to tea?”, Ten asked.

Angie looked at him, mystified. “It seems so”, you mused. A slow smirk stretched across his lips. He propped himself up on his elbows, his too-long hair falling over his eyes

“I’m flattered”

“What?”

“Tea is hot. I’m hot”, he drawled, waiting for the two of your reactions to his statement.

You smacked him.

It was your designated pizza day, which meant Ten was at your place. He was currently in the kitchen getting something to drink and ordering the pizza while you sat alone in your living room.

You looked up at your laptop screen, going over the draft of the email you were to send back the The Royal School of Music. Your parents had been extremely proud of you for getting in, and had called you the other night to congratulate you. You heard footsteps, quickly shutting your laptop down, looking up at Ten who walked into your living room from the kitchen.

“Pizza will arrive in a bit”, he said, handing you your drink and plopping down next to you, “Movie?”

“Uh Bridge to Terabithia”, you spouted, taking a sip. You were supposed to be looking for a movie while he was gone, but instead had begun writing the email, so you spouted the name of one of your childhood favorites, that never failed to make you cry. He nodded and you opened Netflix, quickly searching the movie and pressing play.

Ten wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder as the two of you sat in silence. The movie played, and even though you had already watched it before, you still found yourself invested in it. Except you weren’t completely focusing. Ten was so close, his fingers brushing against your hips, his breath near your neck. It felt right, like you were supposed to be like this.

That was the thing, it never felt wrong when you were with Ten, it was like you were exactly where you were supposed to be. Except of course for the fact he wasn’t yours. You knew how Ten was, he was the heartbreaker, and you were the one who was always there to pick up the pieces. Still it was nice to pretend that he was yours, because that was all you could do.

Pretend.

He kept talking about how he wanted someone who understood him, who he could be with, not just some stupid fling. He kept repeating the same thing again and again, and it frustrated you to no end, because you understood him and you were right there, but he never saw you. He would flirt with you, he would do everything and yet, he would never even think of you.

You leaned into him subconsciously, biting your lower lip as you stared at the screen in anticipation. He started playing with your hair, twirling it around his fingers, his hot breath on your neck making hard for you to fully concentrate on the movie.

You hated the effect he had on you, he had barely even done anything, but had still managed to make you nervous. He pulled you closer, burying his face in the crook of your neck. “Are you even watching?”, you asked, semi breathlessly, “Yes”, he responded, “But I want to cuddle.” You couldn’t argue with that logic, so you relaxed into his embrace, as much as you could. “You’re warm”, he murmured against your skin, looking back up at the screen and humming a random tune. “I’m hungry”

“I think I have some M&M’s on the counter”, you mused, “I’ll go get them”, you jumped at the chance to get up and get away from Ten, who was positively driving you crazy at this point. However, your grand plan was cut short when he refused, “I can go get it”, he made a move to get up.

“Sit down idiot-”, you said, pushing him off you, but accidentally tripped over yourself, falling back into his embrace. He laughed, hands falling to your waist to make sure you didn’t fall. “Graceful”, he snickered, and you glared at him. “I hate you”, you grumbled, “You love me”, he teased, making you almost fall again.

Except this time, his face was dangerously close to yours, and you just stared at him, your mind going blank. His arms were still around you, preventing you from falling. His eyes fluttered down to your lips for a second before he looked back up. He opened his mouth to say something but-

RING

The doorbell rang, startling the two of you out of your trance. You pulled away from Ten, shakily walking over to the door and opening it.

“Pizza?”, the guys asked, handing you the pizza box, “Yeah thanks”, you paid him and walked straight into your kitchen, not giving Ten another look, because you knew that you wouldn’t be able to.

You sighed, shutting your eyes, and trying to collect yourself, before grabbing the M&M’s and walking back into the living room, where Ten was sitting, eyes trained on the screen.

“You missed an entire scene”

“YOU DIDN’T PAUSE IT FOR ME-?”

The music echoed through the studio, its melody harsh and striking. It was dark, no lights were on, but the mirrors reflected the only person in the room-Ten.

His figure moved with the music, choosing to do whatever it pleased, trying to portray the beautiful piece to its fullest. The higher notes gave it a sort of hopeful effect, a guide. It lead you to believe that it was alright, it was fine. 

The lower notes added depth to the melody, giving it a richer feel. The two played together made it a beautiful piece, with a sort of melancholic feel. He danced to it, telling a story with his body. Ten would do this sometimes, instead of choosing an upbeat song to dance to, he’d take a classical piece, something that he could feel.

There was something in this piece, the Tempest, that resounded within him. It reminded him of you, specifically your friendship with him if you could even call it that. He got that warm feeling again that day when you had almost fallen. He would’ve kissed you if not for the doorbell. 

Ten wasn’t one for commitment, he wasn’t one for standing up first and telling people about his feelings. He played people, he played them like he painted a picture, or danced.

Speaking of which, the piece had suddenly taken a turn for the turbulent, faster-paced, anxious even. It resembled his feelings perfectly, the random urges to tell you, the anxiety for the outcome. He somehow managed to gracefully enact these feelings, making it look like art instead of the confusion he felt.

Maybe he chose this piece not only for himself but for you too.

It was one of your favorite ones to play, you could and would talk about it for days, especially when you had just mastered playing it. It wasn’t an easy piece, with all the nuances and timing changes, but you pulled it off. He could almost pretend it was you playing.

And then suddenly it mellowed down, the piece sounding hopeful as if there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and you could finally see it. A solution, a happy ending to the harsh waves of the storm, a merry end. His moves became lighter and almost joyful, as he twirled and jumped.

It was all an illusion.

A lie to make you believe the storm was over, there was no hope for this story. The harsh melody returned with vengeance, striking down the sliver of longing, any dream of making it out. Ten did his best to keep up with it, but the sudden change of emotions was startling even to him. It had changed so quickly, he didn’t even have time to comprehend it.

It ended on a triumphant note, like a proud win over an enemy, a victory that shone above everything. Ten ended the dance with a pirouette, panting as he tried calming himself down from the intense session. He couldn’t help feeling triumphant as well, the adrenaline of the piece getting to him, yet, he was skeptical.

Because he had a feeling it was the Tempest that had triumphed, and not him.

You’ll admit: you were not having fun with Psych. You had been studying all day, trying to absorb some of the stuff you had been taught throughout the year. Even though studying human behaviour had always intrigued and interested you, the reason you chose Psych, you couldn’t care less about oxytocin and how attraction worked, nor did you care about how human behaviour was affected by it.

But you had been at it for the past 6 hours, and was tired, so when Angie came along and expressed her disgust and sympathy about your studying endeavors, she hauled you up from the place you had been sitting at for most of the day and instructed you to change and get ready to go or a party.

So you found yourself at a frat party, Angie's arm hooked in yours and music blaring all around you. It was hot and dark, and you could barely see anything with the terrible lighting. You couldn’t tell what song was being played at such high volume, but awkwardly swayed to it anyways, wondering if staying at home at falling down the hole of ice cream and Netflix would have been a better alternative to this.

There were couples making out, and random beer cans everywhere. Everyone was half drunk, and you took this as an excuse to go get a drink. You turned to Angie who was looking the other way. 

“Angie”, you whisper-screamed her name into her ear, causing her to jump, “I’m going to get a drink okay?”, you explained, to which she nodded. “I’m going to Renjun”, she said, walking away and leaving you alone.

Friendship.

You pushed through the crowd of sweaty adults, to get to the makeshift bar that was at the other end of the frat. You stopped occasionally to greet friends, or smile at a random cute boy, but finally made it to the kitchen. Johnny, one of your other friends stood there, inclining his head in a greeting. “Hey, what do you want?” “Are you in charge of the drinks or something?”, you asked, leaning on the island of the kitchen. He grinned at you, shaking his head, “No, but I’m so much I might as well be!”

You laughed, requesting for your drink of choice, which he went to fix for you. You licked your lips, scanning the area to find another friend to latch onto, since Angie had so kindly abandoned you.

“Didn’t think I’d see you here”, a very familiar voice said form behind you, and you turned to see none other than your best friend.

But he looked nothing like what you were used to.

Ten’s hair was slicked back instead of splayed out on his forehead like usual, his eyes seemed darker, probably due to the alcohol. He was wearing skinny jeans, and a blazer with most of the buttons undone, his chest in full view.

Ten looked hot.

“Uh-”, you started like the well read person you were, “Angie dragged me”

He smirked, “Of course she did”, he took a seat on one of the stools, legs spreading as he leaned back. You looked away, trying your hardest not to stare at the boy in front of you, who was making that mission increasingly harder with every little thing he did.

Johnny came back out, offering you a smile and your drink, which you took from him, returning his smile. He handed a glass of something you couldn’t make out to Ten, who took a sip, keeping it on the island. “You don’t seem to be having fun”, he observed, hands finding your waist and pulling you closer to him.

This was a normal thing, but this time it felt different. It wasn’t the same innocent gesture. “I just arrived idiot”, you scoffed. He smirked, “You can look at me you know”, he teased, and you could feel the heat rush to your face. You turned your gaze to him. Currently you were in between his legs, and your mind was a mess.

The first thing you noticed was his tattoo on his right arm which you had seen before. The next was one you hadn't seen before, and rightly so, since it was on his chest.

“Done staring at me?”, he said with a smirk, and your eyes snapped up to his, holding his gaze. If you hated the effect his eyes had on you before, you positively despised them now. He was staring at you through a half lidded gaze, licking his lips. Even without any alcohol in your system you felt dizzy, but not a sick way. Ten was driving you crazy, with his hands on your waist, eyes on you and just everything about him in the moment.

“You’re pretty”, he murmured, looking up at you, eyes falling to your lips, “Did you know that?”, his voice was deeper than usual, sending shivers down your spine. “I-”

“Hmm?”, he sounded absent minded, like he wasn’t even listening to you, which was great considering you didn’t even know what to say. He pushed you a little, standing up himself, now looking down.

“If you didn’t know, I think you are”, he said, face closer than any friend’s face should have been. You breath hitched in anticipation. “Ten?”, your voice was small, quivering almost under his gaze.

He was so close, painfully close. If anyone asked you how you got into this position in the first place, you wouldn’t be able to explain, not quite knowing yourself. 

“Y/n, I need you for a second”, Angie appeared from nowhere, freezing when she saw the two of you in that position, “Um- I can leave-”

“Hey Ang”, Ten greeted, moving away from you. You missed the proximity, as much as you hated to admit it. You blinked hazily at your friend who had so conveniently interrupted whatever you had going on with Ten. You silently cursed yourself for getting so out of it. “Here, I think Arya is calling me anyways so”, he pushed his hands in his jeans pockets. He glanced at you, before walking away and out of the kitchen.

Would he have kissed you?

You looked over at your friend, who was still staring at you like she had seen a ghost. “Did I interrupt something?”, she asked, eyes wide. You felt embarrassed, taking a step back as if you were trying to walk out of the whole situation. “I’m not sure”, you said, “What do you need me for?”

“I need you to hold my drink, I need to go to the bathroom, Renjun is drunk as fuck and I trust you”, she explained, handing you her glass. You nodded, “And maybe can you watch my dumbass of a boyfriend please?”

You snorted, agreeing and walking to the main area of the party that was unfortunately the most crowded. You spotted Renjun on top of Donghyuck, practically choking the latter boy who was laughing for some reason. You could see why Angie went to you for her drink. Walking over, you tried to help Mark, another one of your friends, in separating Renjun and Donghyuck from initiating the 77th hunger games on a friday night.

After somewhat succeeding in pulling the two away from each other, Angie had arrived, choosing to ignore her wasted boyfriends antics and taking her glass back from you. 

You remembered you had left your own drink back in the kitchen, and so you backtracked your steps to said place, when you saw it.

Ten was standing with a girl, her hands around his neck. He was saying something that made her giggle, throwing her head back in laughter as he grinned happily. You froze watching the scene unbeknownst to Ten. You didn’t know what you were feeling for an entire minute until it hit you.

You were hurt.

It was a pricking sort of feeling, like a rod prodding at your heart. It was like a warning, telling you to look away before it pierced your heart, but you couldn’t look away for some reason. It was like your mind was mocking you, telling you keep watching, to realize you never had the slightest chance with Ten.

You weren’t special, whatever flirting he did with you he did to everyone, anything that had remotely happened wasn’t even mentionable, because you were like every other girl in the crowd, and it fucking hurt. It hurt to see the boy you loved not give you a moment's thought, not even give you a chance.

That night you went back to your apartment alone, leaving Angie to deal with her boyfriend. You had never felt this horrible before, it had never escalated to this level of hurt. This type of hurt was different, a dull ache reminding you of what an idiot you were to have ever hoped for more.

You hated Ten for several things, his eyes, his smile, the way he could make you giddy by doing the simplest things. But in the moment, you hated yourself more.

You hated yourself for loving Ten Lee.

‘Don’t call me kid, Don’t call me baby, look at this godforsaken mess that you’ve made me. You showed me colours you know i can’t see with anyone else’

~

You sat on a colourful rug, holding a book up, and surrounded by several other books. You were in a sort of greenhouse, the walls and roof were made completely off glass, and the light streamed through, giving the scene a sort of whimsical aura.

This was the place ten has chosen to paint you, standing behind his easel and and focusing on the canvas, occasionally looking up at you. There were flecks of white and pale blue paint on his face, and he looked whimsical in a way as well.

You sat there, ignoring the warnings in your mind that told you to stay away from Ten for yourself, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. You showed up to the venue right on time, and did your best to not seem any different. You spaced out, eyes focusing on a random word on a page. Ten had promised he was almost done with it, since the two of you had been at it for quite a while now.

His lower lip was caught between his teeth in concentration, hair messed up from the amount of times he had run his hand through it. He stepped back for a second, inspecting his work, a dorky smile stretching out on his lips.

“It’s done!”, he said, “Some fixing, but I can do that later, get your ass here!”

You get to your feet, placing the book on one of the piles of them around you and walking towards him, biting down your own smile at this enthusiasm. You walked behind the easel, your eyes falling on the painting.

It was gorgeous, the colours complimenting each other. The depiction of the light rays was so soft, yet it was there shining down on the main part of the picture- you. He had painted you so prettily, almost fairy like in the midst of the scene. You stared at the painting in awe, unable to think of words to describe it.

“So?”, he asked hopefully, his eyes searching yours for some sort of reaction. You looked at him, then at the painting, then back at him, wondering how he could’ve made it look so fanciful, something out of a disney movie.

“It’s beautiful”, you whispered, your voice not daring to go any louder. He smiled placing his palette down and standing next to you. “It’s not hard when the subject is beautiful”, he said nonchalantly. You froze, silently telling yourself to calm down, to not react to it, that it wasn’t anything to be noted. Yet something in you clicked, shifted into place.

You were angry.

You were furious at Ten, with his pretty smiles and wishful eyes. You hated it when he flirted with you, because he kept leading you on, you hated it when he looked at you like you were the world, because it was a lie, it was all a fucking lie.

“Don’t”, you said, voice shaky. He stared at you in confusion, which only irked you more.

“Don’t”, your voice betrayed you, breaking. He looked alarmed, reaching his hand out, “Hey, Are you okay-”

“No, I’m not okay”, you hissed, slapping his hand away, stepping back. Your mind was clouded with a feeling of helplessness, helplessness at not being able to tell him how you felt, how you hated what he did, how all you wanted was something you definitely couldn’t have. He looked bewildered at your seemingly sudden outburst.

“Stop fucking playing with me”, you said, “I’m not this”, you searched for the words, coming back with nothing, “Stop complimenting me, calling me sweet nothings, making me believe-”, you sucked in a breath, feeling the tears build up in your eyes, years of pent up frustration finally making their way out of you. 

You looked up at him, he still seemed to not be following, “Y/n, I don’t-”

“I’m in love with you”, you choked out finally, the words seeming to tie you down, rather than set you free like you had once hoped. “I’m in love with you”, you repeated, Ten could hear the rage in your voice, washing down on him like the waves of the Tempest, harsh and real. “And I hate myself for it”

Your voice was softer, much more mellow now, like it was tired. A single tear trickled down your face, and you looked up to see a stunned Ten, eyes wide at your state. He said nothing, instead just looked at you, as if you were a different person all of a sudden. It wasn’t a pretty sight, you crying and him standing there like a statue, not a word escaping his lips. 

The air seemed to be colder all of a sudden, biting into the exposed areas of your skin. There was that aching feeling again, that pricking of your heart, the silent ‘i told you so’, that your mind seemed to be playing on repeat. You brushed the tears away from your face furiously, feeling stupid all of a sudden. 

“I’m going to go”, you muttered, grabbing your things and walking out, not caring if you looked idiotic, and not staying to listen to any pathetic response he gave you. 

Ten watched you leave, cursing himself for being such an idiot to you. He didn’t mean to hurt you, he was in love with you himself, but he would never admit it. He hated himself for it, because he knew what he had done. He had flirted with you, had played you, but it was only because he thought the two of you never had a chance. 

He hated himself because it was him, after all this time, who had destroyed that chance.

You sat in front of your computer, back at your apartment, trying not to cry again as you stared at the screen, fingers hovering over the send button. It hurt much worse than you expected it to, his silence had made everything all the worse. But you were tired of him going back and forth. You were tired of having to pick up the pieces every time when he broke another girls heart, or someone else broke his.

You had nothing to lose this time. So alone, in your room you pressed send, signing of your future, sending the email to The Royal School of Music.

Alone.

Finals week passed in a blur of stress crying, all nighters and excessive reading of things that you had read a million times before, and if they hadn’t already gotten into your head, they would never. Which prompted the stress crying.

It was a vicious cycle.

You barely stepped out of your apartment, other than to actually take the exam. All your time was taken up in studying, occasionally eating, and studying again. You also didn’t see Ten that much, other than a glimpse, but immediately swerved away, not in any mood to deal with that confrontation as of yet.

Somehow, you managed to make it to the end of the week, without completely going mad. You made it out of finals, and was technically done with your college career altogether, which was crazy to even think of. You had spent the last four years of your life in this hellhole to get to where you were, and you had made it.

So seeing yourself in front of the mirror a week later, donning your cape and cap over your clothes, you smiled for the first time in two weeks. It was the day you finally graduated and went out into the world as a person with a degree. 

Granted, you were slightly pissed at the fact you had spent four years, and paid an enormous amount of money for a sheet of paper, but at the moment, you couldn’t get the fact that you were finally done with it out of your head. You were happy.

The ceremony started off slowly, the principal calling the names of the students in alphabetical order. You saw Ten walk up and take his degree, a broad smile on his lips. You saw Angie take hers, almost tripping over her cape, earning a laugh from the principal, and fond looks all about. You saw Renjun and Donghyuck hugging instead of at each other's throats for once, and Mark randomly beat boxing for no reason.

You went up on the stage, taking the degree and smiling, realizing that your vision was hazy. Tears of happiness had made their way to your eyes, and you blinked them back, thanking the principal and smiling at the crowd. You walked off, going to stand with your little group of friends.

Later on, Angie went off with her boyfriend for a celebratory date, Renjun and Donghyuck decided to crash at Marks place, and you? You decided to walk through the campus one last time, before you never returned. You were done with college and this place wasn’t yours anymore. It held a sort of nostalgic feel all of a sudden, walking under the arches and admiring the architecture one last time.

You were holding your cap in your hand, after finding it on the ground somewhere after the throwing of them. Your cape was folded and hung from your arm as you walked through, deciding to go get some coffee after you were done.

Lost in your own thoughts, you bumped into someone, dropping the cap., “Sorry-”, you begun you apologize for your absent mindedness, crouching to pick up your cap when you saw the person you had run into.

Ten.

You silently scowled, cursing whatever above that had thrown the two of you together at the very moment, and cleared your throat uncomfortably, looking away. “Hey”, he said breathlessly, looking you up and down. He looked great, he always did, you couldn’t deny the fact no matter how much you were trying to hate him.

“Hi”, you said curtly, “I have to go”

“Wait”, he reached out, grabbing your hand, “Can we talk?”, his voice was tilting towards the hopeful side. It reminded you of your own foolish hope, and you didn’t like it one bit. “No”, you said, “I have to go”, you repeated for words, crushing any hope.

“No- Wait, please, Y/n let me explain”, he pleaded his case, his eyes striking through yours, stirring up some sort of sympathy. Your mind was telling you to go, to get out as fast as possible, but your heart softened, as it always did with him.

“Explain what?”, you chuckled bitterly, “You’ve made it pretty clear how you feel Ten. I was stupid”, your words were hurting yourself, but hurting him too, because he knew it wasn’t your fault.

“No Y/n, you-”

“I what?”, you hissed in question. He spluttered, discouraged by your disinterest in whatever he was trying to tell you. You wanted nothing more to get away from him in that moment, but he seemed to want to stretch out your time together as much as possible. It annoyed you, and made you sad at the same time.

The more time you were with him, the more you could feel your heart break.

“I love you”, he said quietly, “I know I’m a terrible person for leading you on and not realizing earlier, but I love you.” You froze, standing there and staring at him. He looked back, not daring to break your gaze. Instead of joy, which was what you had expected to feel if he ever uttered those words, you felt angrier.

“Please Y/n”, he said, “Just give me a chance?”

You stayed silent, contemplating your choices. “How long have we been friends?”

“What-”

“How long have we known each other Ten?”

“Four years, but I don’t see-”

“We have been friends for four fucking years. I was there for every heartbreak, every date, every girl. I stood on the sidelines, I listened to you, I have you advice when you needed it, I comforted you when you cried. But you? You never gave me a chance!”, you exclaimed, “Not a second glance, not a single chance.”

He opened and closed his mouth like a fish, taking in your words and trying to think of something to justify them, but he couldn’t, he knew you were right.

“So yes”, you voice quivered, “You are an idiot. You’re an idiot for never realizing my feelings when i made it PAINFULLY obvious”, you took steps back, trying to calm yourself.

“I can't believe I”, you scoffed at yourself, your own idiocy, “I can’t believe that three out of four years I was in love with you, but I guess that’s what makes me the dumb bitch.” You looked away, the words you had wanted to say since forever finally out of your system. He stood there, just a few steps away from you. But then, why did it seem like he was miles away?

“I’m sorry”, he said weakly, “I hate myself for what I did, but Y/n I”, he paused, shutting his eyes in frustration, “I’m in love with you dammit, and I don’t expect you to forgive me for what I’ve put you through but, can we-”

“No”, you said, “We can’t”

“Y/n give us a chance, please”

“You don’t understand!”, you said almost feverishly, blinking back tears, “I can’t Ten”

“Why not?”, he asked, walking closer to you. You took a step back from him, looking at the boy you loved with remorseful eyes. “I’m leaving Ten. I’m leaving for a music school in another country.”

He blanched, any hope withering away, like a dead flower, dried with the summer heat, like a lone boat in the midst of a storm. You let out a pathetic sob, realizing that you couldn’t ever have Ten, no matter what.

“I’ll be gone before we could ever be”

The world was never fair. It came at you with things you wished never happened, you wished you could change, or would have handled better. Like a storm on an unsuspecting sailor, it’s waves crashed down on you, and you were unable to breathe.

Life was the tempest, with it’s harsh tremors, it’s sudden soft waves that lead you to believe things were going to be okay. It’s highs and it’s lows, the good times and the bad. You found it ironic, the fact you were playing your favorite piece of all time, and it reminded you of reality.

You had always viewed music as an escape from reality, but now you were starting to connect the two, using music to let both the worlds connect. Your fingers flew across the keys, the climactic melody thundering through your apartment.

Finishing the piece, you let out a sigh, taking the music sheets and placing them back in your folder. Shutting the keyboard down, you cleared up a bit, settling down on your couch. Cracking your knuckles, you pulled out your phone to mindlessly scroll through Instagram as one did to pass time.

You seemed to do that often, now that you were officially done with college and had a bit of time before you left for The Royal School of Music, approximately three weeks, you honestly had nothing else to do with your time.

And so, you indulged in the world of reels and other videos that didn’t necessarily add anything of worth to your being. Time seemed to trickle by slowly, much slower than you would have liked. 

Your flight to the country in which the school was in had already been booked, your registration had been completed, and you had even found an apartment to rent over there. Some of your belongings had already been sent for shipping, leaving you with the bare minimum. You had even sold some stuff, because cross country shipping was expensive, and you had gathered quite a few things over your four years staying in your college area that you definitely didn’t need.

It seemed as if everything was set, you were ready to leave everything behind.

Your doorbell rang, it's obnoxious ringing sound making you wince out of annoyance. You got up from your spot on the couch reluctantly, and walked over to the door to open it.

You were met with a slightly disheveled looking Ten on the other side, hair slightly messy. It had been yet another week since you had seen him, not have been in contact since graduation day, and suddenly here he was at your doorstep. Before you could even say anything, he pushed his hand out, thrusting a pizza box in your face.

“I know you don’t want to see me, and I don’t blame you but”, he took a deep breath, “You’re going, and it sucks, but I’m happy for you, so i brought pizza, for old times sake?”

You blinked in surprise, your hands on their own accord and taking the box. As if he could sense you were skeptical, he rambled on, “Just a movie and pizza, then I’ll leave I promise.” Everything inside you screamed at you to say no, but the words left you before you could even comprehend your mind's thoughts.

“Okay”

You opened the door more, walking back into your apartment, opening the box and taking your laptop to search for a movie. He closed the door after himself, taking a seat beside you on the couch, but not touching you. It was like there was a wall in between the two of you, and you couldn’t break it down.

You weren’t sure if you wanted to.

“There’s a new season of His Dark Materials”, you thought aloud, “We could binge that.”

It was so easy, being with Ten. Like falling back into a routine you had missed, a habit that had been cultivated. It was natural, him by your side, eating pizza and searching for a movie or series to binge. It was a tradition for the two of you after all, and even though you had stayed away from Ten for your own heart, it felt so good to do this again. You had missed it.

“Sure”, he agreed, taking a slice of the pizza, the stringy cheese not breaking, “We may need plates.”

You shook your head at his comical state, placing your laptop down and walking into your kitchen, opening the topmost cupboard to get the plates down, when you realized you couldn’t reach it. Now usually, you would just get a stool or something to climb on top off, but that would mean going back out there and admitting to Ten that you were short.

That was not acceptable.

Of course any grand plans of somehow getting the plates down without Ten knowing had been thrown out the window when he himself walked into the kitchen, “Are you making the plates or something? What’s taking so long?”

He spotted you, hands stretching up, leaning over the counter. Ten smirked, walking over and taking the plates down himself, “Someone’s short”, he snickered, to which you glared, “You’re short too dumbass.”

“You’re shorter”, he teased, taking the second plate down. He was standing in front of you, directly facing you as he placed the second plate of the counter top. You stared indignantly at him, and he caught your gaze, holding it. It was the same Ten you had known since you entered your campus, the same Ten you met at that party.

The same Ten you were in love with.

His eyes shifted from yours to your lips, realizing how close the two of you were. His hand raised up to your face cupping it. You subconsciously leaned into his touch, eyes wide, waiting for him to do something, anything.

His eyes searched yours for an answer, some sort of indication that he could go ahead. You knew that nothing good would come from this, but you couldn't help but nod your head a little too fast, and fisting the end of his shirt in anticipation.

He kissed you. 

His lips moved against yours softly, hesitantly, like they were scared you would disappear if he went any faster. It was nothing like you had ever imagined (believe me, you had imagined), but it was better. It was like a culmination of wanting had been poured into the kiss, and you didn’t want it to stop.

You could’ve sworn time had stopped when he kissed you, the world around you seeming to fade away. You could feel your knees going weak with the overwhelming feeling, the flutter in your stomach growing. If you hadn’t been holding onto the end of his shirt so hard, you would have collapsed into him.

“I’m sorry”, he whispered against your lips, pulling away, cupping your face, “I know I’m an idiot”, he confessed, and you resist the urge to agree, “I know I’m an idiot but,”, he stopped again, resting his forehead against yours. “One night”, he whispered, voice shaky now, “Will you be mine for just one night?”

There was something fragile in his voice, like he was afraid of your answer. You looked up, looking at those eyes you hated, but loved at the same time. You silently agreed, pressing your lips to his again, kissing him once more. His hands dropped down to your waist, your hands wrapped around his neck as you stole another long awaited kiss from him.

The plates were long forgotten about, instead the two of you stumbled back into the living room, hands not leaving each other. The back of his knees hit the couch, and he sat down, taking you with him. You sat on top of him, breathing heavily. 

He pressed his lips to your forehead affectionately as you leaned into Ten, not ever wanting the moment to end. “I’m tired”, you whispered, all the years of pining and wishing he was yours suddenly weighing you down. 

“I know”

“This isn’t going to end well is it?”

“I don’t know”, he mused, rubbing your back comfortingly. You looked at him once again, like you had done many times before, except this time he was yours, for how long? You didn’t know. You didn’t want the night to end, the prospect of losing him again already making your stomach pit.

“I love you”, he said, and you didn’t say it back. You didn’t have too, you had said it many times already, you had told him. Instead you kissed him again, getting drunk on him. 

The rest of the night was spent this way,lazily kissing, cuddling, and eating pizza straight out of the box since neither of you wanted to get up again. Ten held you like you were the world, and wrapped your arms around him, burying your face into the crook of his neck. The two of you forgot about the serial you were supposed to binge as well, too caught up with each other to even care.

He told you about how he got scouted for dancing by an entertainment company, you filled him in about The Royal School of Music, about how you were so glad College was over even though you would miss it. He made you laugh with his stupid jokes, and it felt like it had always been. Somewhere along the line, the two of you fell asleep in the dead of the night, or almost morning, tangled up in each others arms, happy.

You woke up on your couch alone, your apartment lonely and silent. You looked around sleepily, your eyes catching a glimpse of the clock on your wall, which told you it was already noon. You pulled your knees to your chest, feeling out of place. Something was missing.

Ten.

Ten was gone, nowhere to be seen. You tried thinking back, wondering why he was gone, until you realized - one night was over. Like he had promised, he was gone, not yours anymore, and you weren’t his. You shivered, realizing that there wasn’t any blankets or anything on the couch, yet you couldn't seem to get up.

It hurt. You wanted to cry and scream, the realization that he was gone, before you could even fully have him sinking it. It felt so unfair, the fact that you could never really ever have Ten, someone you had loved for four fucking years, for more than a night.

You took in a shaky breath, looking to the end of the sofa, which is when you saw it. It was Ten’s painting, the one of you in the greenhouse, supposedly reading the books. On the top a sticky note read ‘The Tempest’. You brushed your finger over the painting, taking it in. He had left it here for you, and it was the one thing you had of him. At the bottom, it was signed in his handwriting.

‘10’.

“널 다시 만나면 네 손을 잡고 말해줄 텐데 I will never let you go”

fin.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Can you elaborate on what Reneseme and Lilys relationship would be like if Lily took her under her wing? I really want to write it but I want to know how you envision their characters and the shenanigans they'd get up to.

I could imagine Nes tells her all about the Volturi and Lily decides to pop on over with her. Probably to get the full story but if not, then start a revolution. Aro would be the cat the got the canary. He wouldn't even turn her, shes too powerful for that. Lily and Aro become besties and Nessie somehow finds out about aro and carlisle being lovers. Shes in shock while the cullens and freaking out. Hell they probably don't even know about lily, Alice can't see either of them. Jacob is going feral, Edward somehow calls it on the Volturi but thats more his paranoia than anything else. Everything's wrapped up with Lily taking nes home and nes gushing about her new friends. (Somehow alec and jane get involved, they just deserve to get into wacky hijinks honestly.) Carlisle is dieing bc god in the vessel of a young girl has befriended his granddaughter and took her on a trip to the Volturi. Esme thinks this is great, Edward not so much. Lily visits the next day (maybe she brings the twins, they deserve friends) and the Cullens can't do shit to her. They can't kick her out. She somehow befriends the Volturi. I can just see it. Even Caius, she had to deal with Lenin and Trotsky. She'd probably him Stalin. Like "Ah yes, this is this universes Lenin huh? I thought he'd be less blond but eh." In all honesty Aro would be Lenin and Caius Trotsky but magic doesn't exist in this universe so he couldn't split his soul blah blah blah. Just personality wise, yeah. This is a tangent sorry. I really love your writing btw. Same with vinelle.

@quarthly is referring to this post. I specifically noted that an older Lily would likely view Renesmee as an alternate universe version of herself and take her under her wing.

Also, thanks for the praise! (Look @therealvinelle, praise for you too in here).

I mean, @quarthly, you're kind of asking me to write the fic here. And as you noted my usual advice is to go write the fic especially because it's very clear you have something in mind. You have my blessing and encouragement to write the fic.

Go go go!

(Because if you asked me to do it I'd probably just make this into another Eru Lee and Obito fic, and no one wants that.)

But yes, back to your question.

Lily Takes Renesmee Under Her Wing/I Weasel Out of Answering

Well, trouble is, there's so many places this could go and depends what I want to get out of the story.

Is this taking place where "Lily" currently is, with Lily in a pit of despair after SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER? This is a huge bit of character development for Lily that greatly effects how she both sees the world and herself.

This is not at all the same with dealing with a displaced Lily from the year 2 arc or a Lily from before Hogwarts at all.

Then, again, what's the point here.

What does Lily learn? Renesmee? All the characters involved?

I imagine I'd write a story with Lily dealing with the aftermath of what's happened to her in part by helping Renesmee (meeting with despair should Renesmee's situation get any worse/should things take a violent turn).

But going any further down this road would be basically me writing this fic so...

You should write it!

Good luck!

[ancdtlst]

Hello! Can i request to oneus’s reaction when they accidentally say something hurtful to their s/o during argument? Thankyou!!

ONEUS Reaction When They Accidentally Said Something Hurtful

Hi! Thank you for dropping us a request! [Bim: Also, as someone who is use to write a lot of angsts, I don’t know how to do light angst, but I think this is the lightess I can do. I apologise in advance if this is too angsty for you.] 💙

[Note: We’ll refer you as their s/o.]

Kim Youngjo / Ravn

Having an argument with you is the last thing he wished for. He usually good at controlling his emotion and feeling. He usually tried his best to not say anything hurtful to you but somehow he kind of loose it and he felt bad.

He was busy in the studio and seems like everything does not go well that day; that includes you. Your car was not in the best shape for these pass few days and it keeps breaking down. While he was struggling in the studio, you called him for help because of your car and he snaps. “Babe, my car broke down again.”, you says and before you could ask if he could pick you up, you heard his groan in the other line. “Look, I told you to bring it to the workshop.”, he starts. “Why didn’t you do so? Are you dumb or what?” “I didn’t know it—“, he cuts you. “Yeah you actually know!”, he starts to raise his voice. “Just for once, can you stop bothering me with these kind of things? I had a lot in my plate today.” Yes, that actually hurts. “Well, sorry for bothering you all these times.”, you said and the line suddenly went dead. Honestly, you thought he hang up on you but it was your phone. It died. “Ah, just great. Now how am I calling a cab?” On the other hand, Ravn realised that he did say something that is very hurtful to you. He thought you hang up on him and he has been trying to call you back but your line was off. Instead of staying in the studio, he went out looking for you. Thank goodness, he knew the route you take to go home but he only found your car on the road side. Then he drove away again, trying to look for you. A few minutes later, he saw you a few meters away. He stops aside and run towards you as he calls your name. “I’m sorry, babe. I am so, so sorry. My emotion got the best of me today. I’m so sorry, let’s go home.”

Lee Seoho

Starting an arguments is always his favourite. He kind of enjoy gaslighting you out of no where. However, those kind of arguments were usually light and not a serious one. Usually, you never take him to heart but this is a different one.

You had allergies that you kept to yourself and Seoho never knew about it. You hate to tell people about your allergies because apparently they made fun of you or told you were a brat for being a picky eater and Seoho is one of them. “I don’t feel good.”, you says as you laid quietly on the couch next to him. Seoho turns his head towards you and laughs. “Of course you are. Have you ever feel good?”, he snarky remarks suddenly tick you off. “Excuse me?”, you glares him. “Yeah, you always laid down after you had your meal. Of course it doesn’t feel good.”, he replies, did not realise the situation yet. You decide to wave him off since you do not have the mood to argue back. However, you are getting more uncomfortable and suddenly have the urge to throw up but you hold it. You asks Seoho what did he put in his cookings and casually saying them all though you did tell him before that you really can’t have any of it. “Are you serious?” “What it can’t be hurt if you had it a little, right? See? You were just fine. Come on, don’t be a weak.”, he says. “Now, sit. Don’t lay on the couch.”, he adds. Suddenly you stood up and run towards the toilet, that is when he realised you actually meant well with your allergies. He was not just said something a bit hurtful to you but actually hurt you. “Babe! Are you okay? I’m sorry.”, he says. “I thought you’re just playing around.” Before you could reply, you found yourself in his car heading to the hospital which is you were thankful for.

Kim Geonhak / Leedo

Honestly, both of you had the nastiest temper and none of you actually ever back down from your arguments. Most of the time it was you who would initiate a conversation first to make him less upset, seldom time; he did. Yeah, not the best move. He should know better that ones patience always have their limit.

It was one night where you had your random thought and casually asked him. He thought you were being thoughtless because you knew he was struggling with it. “I have a question.”, you began as Leedo give you a look before told you to go ahead. “Is it wrong to bottle up your feelings?”, you mindlessly asks and totally forgot about his situation at the moment. The reason behind your question because you; yourself were bottling it up. “Are you teasing me?”, his voice suddenly went deep and intense, trying his best to not snap at you. Surprise with the intense tone, you turn your head, “What?”, you pause. “No. It was just random thought.”, you adds. “Oh really? If you understand my feelings, you would know if it’s right or wrong.”, he says. You did not know where it came but you guess it was because of you were being thoughtless, apparently again. Before you could answer him, he add, “You don’t even understand people’s emotion, so keep it quiet.” “Yeah. I know I lack of emotions but you don’t have to rub it on my face. I’m sorry for asking.”, with that you walk out from the room and that was when he realised what he just said. He follows after you and apologised for what he said to you. “Babe, I’m sorry I said those kind of things to you. I shouldn’t have say them.” “No. You’re right. I don’t understand.”, you says, looking away. Honestly, you were not mad but just a bit disappointed and probably hurt a bit. The whole night, he was trying to make up with you.

Lee Keonhee

Both of you and Keonhee always pranking each other, especially you. You seems to enjoy it a little much because he has the best reaction. Keonhee hates jump-scares a lot but that is what you always do.

He went home early and did not know that you were home earlier than he did. He was holding a gift for you since your birthday is coming up. It was a glass figurine of you and him and it was pretty expensive, but you did not know. As soon as he came inside, you jumped in front of him as you made a a loud noise. Of course, he was surprise and the gift accidentally slips off from his hand he fell backward because of the surprise you have him. You laugh a him because you think it is funny. “It is not funny at all alright?!”, he shout at you. “It is.”, you reply. “You should see your face.”, you were still laughing. “Why are you so childish? Look what have you done!”, he says as he check the glass figurines in the box and to his horror it was shattered into pieces. “Do you have any idea how expensive this is and how long I have to wait to get this?”, he began to raise his voice and honestly you starts to feel bad. You immediately stop laughing and get down to help him with the shattered glasses. “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” “Don’t touch it! Move away.”, he slaps your hand away and your fore-arm accidentally brushes against the glazes of the standing figurine in the box. You pulled your hands away as Keonhee pick up the box and brought it to the room. While you quietly went to get the first aid kit. He was busy checking the shattered figurine when he realised the little blood on one of the standing figurine. He checks himself and do not see any cuts. “Was it…?”, quickly he walk out from the room and found you in the kitchen, trying to clean up your cut. “Hey, babe…”, he took the antiseptic and the cotton ball from you and begin to help you with it. “I’m sorry for what I said and I made you cut yourself too…” “I’m sorry too, babe.”

Yeo Hwanwoong

He hates it when you were making fun of him especially about his height but it was not anything extreme. But you will apologised when you think you have gone too far because you can basically his expression changed.

Today is another day of teasing him but you had no idea he was not having the mood today. When he came home, you greeted him with “Hey shorty, how’s your day?”, you asks as you flipping the channels, finding anything interesting to watch. “Gosh, can you cut it out?”, he groans and throw himself on another couch. “Is shorty not having the mood today?”, you teases. He rolls his eyes every time you called him shorty and you definitely know you did piss him off. “Alright, alright. I’m sorry, babe.”, you apologised. “So how was your day?”, you asks. “Stop saying sorry if you’re going to make fun of my height again.”, he pause. “I wonder if you actually feel apologetic at all? Because from what I observed, you don’t.”, he add. You were speechless. Though you want to say something to defence yourself, you cannot because he got a point. “What? Has the cat got your tongue?”, he asks. “Babe, I’m sorry. I really am. I meant it.”, you says. “Oh, no you don’t. You’re just a hopeless university student who is about to fail her semester but have the audacity to make fun of me. Should I make fun of your broken family too?”, he asks. When he did not received any replies from you, he walks towards his room and slams the door. After a while when he managed to calm himself down, he just realised what he said just now. Quickly, he went out from the room to check out on you but found you no where in the house. “Damn it.”, he curses under his breathe and went out, looking for you while giving you a call. “Babe, I’m sorry for what I said just now. I was being too much and I know I did hurt you back there.”, he speaks even before you could greet him. “Where are you?”, he asks. “Just in the park.”, you replied slowly. Though he apologised to you a few times because of his words, you assured him that is fine. You think you kind of deserve it but he believe you do not deserve any of it.

Son Dongju / Xion

His mouth has no filter at all. Every time he speak it will always lead to an argument. Most of the time it was always the funny arguments. Though sometimes the argument would turn into a serious one but none of your feelings were hurt.

You decided to continue your studies to a higher level because these modern days and economies. No one actually would hire you these days even if you graduated from high school. You had to stop back then because of the family. While Xion, he has completed his bachelor degree ahead of you. You struggles a lot with the subjects especially the one you were trying to finish at the moment. Then, Xion came and have a sit on the couch, facing you. “Still with the report?”, he asks and you nods. Then, you remembers that Xion did took the same course as you did while he was doing his bachelor degree. You asks him about a few things and honestly those were the basic questions that you could just search it in the internet. “What kind of question is that?”, he scoffs. “This is the reason why you should finish your high school instead of dropping out.” Your expression changed. “It was because I have no choice back then.”, you replied coldly slams your laptop shut before heading to your shared bedroom. Xion was taken back with the sudden out burst but then realised he just said something he should not have. “Look. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”, he said. “I was trying to sound funny but that was too much. I know.”, as he hugs you. “I am so sorry, babe.”

[yongiefilms]

FILM | Flickering

BASED ON | The bingo collaboration feature done by legendnct studios

PRODUCED BY | “Whatever goes around eventually comes back to you. So you gotta be careful, baby,” from After The Storm by Kali Uchis (feat. Tyler, The Creator and Booty Colins) ; “Don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms,” from Slow Dancing In the Dark by Joji ; “Baby, I’m afraid to fall in love. ‘Cause what if it’s not reciprocated?” from Honestly by Pink Sweat$

STARRING | Lee Taeyong and Female Reader

FEATURING | Jung Jaehyun, Lee Mark, Lee Jeno, Nakamoto Yuta, Suh Johnny, and Xiao Dejun

GENRE | Romance, Drama, Teen, Angst, Fluff, Slowburn, College, and Frat boy Centred

RATING | PG-13

WARNINGS | Thematic elements, some action, crude humor, mentions of: alcohol, drinking, smoking, anxiety, panic attacks, and heartbreak, excessive partying, stupid college shenanigans, suggestive references, language, and adult themes

PLOT | You were unlucky when it came to love. You fell too fast and gave too much. Though as often as you experienced misfortune, you never truly learned your lesson. However, entering college you knew it would be different, it had to be. No more chasing after infatuation that you perceived to be love, but when you came across him, you knew it would be harder than you anticipated. He drew you in with his alluring aura and made you curious, something that would drive you to seek after someone who didn’t want to be found. Yet as many say, curiosity kills the cat, and one wrong move was all it took. OR He was a fleeting moment, a mere second of time that didn’t last too long.

RUNNING TIME | 29k words

1, 2, 3 NOW ROLLING...

“Okay…Be honest, does this dress make me look like shit?” 

Your best friend, who was perched on your bed some several feet over to where you stood in front of the full length mirror in your bedroom, rolled her eyes and let out a scoff, lifting her head up from peering down at her cell phone screen. She knew the question was ridiculous and had no direction because you were beautiful, something no one would deny. Her eyes moved up and down your figure to conduct a proper inspection of you and the dress that hugged your body. Her gaze was borderlining a glare once she was done. She was right, as she always tended to be.

She huffed out a breath, leaning her hands behind her on the soft comforter that laid over your bed and tilted her head to the side. “You can’t be serious. You literally look stunning.”

You flatten your palms against the front of your black satin mini dress, confirming you appeared to be as good as you could possibly be with no wrinkles in sight. “All right, I just have to make sure.”

She scoffed yet again as you twirled around in front of the mirror with a smile on your face, your eyes lighting up with excitement for what would soon come.

But the thrill in your veins subdued as you gave her a pointed stare. “Also just because you’re my hype woman and number one fan, doesn’t mean you can’t tell me like it is.”

She stood up from her position on the bed and made her way over to where you stood, her red stilettos clicking against the vivid brown wood. She placed her hands on your shoulders to smoothen the material of your dress and gave you another once over for good measure.

“Yes I am aware, but you should know by now that I never lie.” Her nose scrunched up the tiniest bit as she showcased her pearly whites. “But seriously,” she stepped back from you, letting her hands drop to her sides. “Can we go now? You take forever to get ready and I just want to go have some fun.” She whined and it was now your turn to roll your eyes at her behavior. She was just as excited as you were, though your ability to mask your emotions was far better than hers. Going to your first college party was enough cause to be eager, surely. 

“Yes we can go now, drama queen.”

She gave a slight glare in your direction at the mention of the nickname, but you laughed it off, loving to tease her as much as she loved to tease you before continuing.

“Anyways let me grab my phone and purse first.”

She nodded her head, and walked out of your bedroom towards the living room area to wait for you, her mobile phone tightly grasped in her left hand with her car keys looped around her index finger.

Once you grabbed your own charged cell phone off the nightstand and placed it in your purse, swinging the strap over your shoulder, you switched the lights off to exit your room.

“Got it!” You exclaimed as you reached her figure leaning against the wall opposite of the front door. You grabbed the sleek doorknob and opened the door, ushering her out as you followed suit.

She smirked at you once you locked the door and placed the key in your bag.

She swung her car keys around her index finger, the metal imprinting her palm when she caught them. “Time for the real fun to begin.”

Then you were off towards your destination, her behind the wheel driving, and you in the passenger seat, the wind blowing against both of your faces from the rolled down windows. The music was blaring from the radio speaker and you giggled amongst yourselves, lip-synching the lyrics to the songs that were your favorites. The adrenaline was pumping through your veins, causing a rush and the unknowns of the night spoke wonders.

If only it was real fun when you arrived at the expanse of the Nu Chi Tau frat house, or more commonly known as NCT around campus. There were already people there, covering the gigantic front yard with red solo cups in hand and flashy attire, but it wasn’t the sparkles of the glitter nor the drunken state of the people that caught your attention, it was something more magnificent. 

The residence that stood before you mimicked one you would only see in the movies. A perfectly mowed green lawn with assorted scrubs encompassed the front yard, leading up to the stairs of the entryway. When you walked ahead you saw everything in clearer light. The house was a few stories high, painted a stark white that stood out in the background of the increasing night. The front lights were on, casting ill-lit shadows that danced against the concrete and some windows glowed the same color, giving evidence that those rooms were filled with occupants at the moment. There was an archway with columns to the side that protruded from the front of the house, as the rest of the habitation was left in the shade. The Greek letters for Nu Chi Tau were nailed on the archway in black and as you neared closer to the front doors, you could make out the words NCT engraved in golden script. You were mesmerized to say the least, the house was beyond beautiful and you pondered how it still looked relatively new in comparison to the other bland frat and sorority houses you had come across. Although, you would have been more in awe if your feet weren’t killing you in that present moment.

When Nicole turned onto the street that would lead the two of you to the frat house, you both had noticed how filled the street was with cars for miles. You had assumed it was most likely due to the party, or the fact that the road was so very narrow, swindling like a wave that made it hard for others to park. Yet regardless of the reason, it is where your dilemma began, for she had to park in the nearest open space, which would be some blocks down from where you needed to be. 

Therefore that is how you both ended up wending your way to the frat house that was so conveniently located at the end of the narrow street, and on top of a hill no less, making matters worse. 

You don’t know how long it took you to arrive, but you had calculated around thirty minutes give or take other technicalities. You were glad you made it all in one piece even if the adrenaline in your veins departed and the light in your eyes dimmed, yet you would still try to have the time of your life.

Your hand gripped the golden handle of the front door and turned, pushing it wider with ease to welcome the even more impressive interior as you strode in with Nicole hot on your trail.

The white painted walls, crystal chandelier, golden swirls on the columns, and the spiraling staircase would have blinded you if it had not been encompassed by the dark, the only light emitting from surrounding rooms and the sporadic flashes of color.

You heard a groan from behind you, jerking you out of the blue.

“Ah fuck…fuck…fuck…fuck. My feet are dead.”

You spun around to see Nicole, struggling to take off her stilettos in quick movements, as you could indisputably make out the redness around the heel of her foot and toes. Her drastic measures were a sight that made it difficult to suppress your giggles.

She heaved a loud sigh from successfully getting her stilettos off and hooked the straps over her two fingers, the footwear dangling from her hand when she stood up straight.

She locked her eyes with yours, puffing out air and a lock of hair that fell in her face amidst her conflict. “I need a drink.”

Your subdued titters came out as you nodded your head in agreement. You both needed some energy after the long dreaded walk and what better way than to drink some alcohol. 

Nicole led the way, brushing up against the loads of people that crowded the foyer, not even managing to mumble a single excuse me, but that’s how she was, especially when she needed to get buzzed. After steering through countless throngs of people, you being the one to mutter apologies, you both had arrived at the kitchen. It was as modern as the rest of the house, with the subtle hints of Roman and Greek roots. The appliances were just as pale as the walls, giving off the illusion that nothing appeared to be present, howbeit the only contrast was the black buckets on the countertops and the black bar stools that were placed near the aisle along with the golden lighting fixtures floating above. Not to mention the various silver tin kegs that were located around the kitchen and the bar, which you passed on the way here, not worth the wait for the drinks the two of you desperately needed. 

The kitchen wasn’t nearly as crowded as the rest of the house, withal there were just some scarce students waiting around, refilling their cups, or grabbing a new drink altogether.

Nicole unhands her stilettos on the white marble floor, the bright red color vaguely resembling smeared blood on a snowy surface, before sinking down at one of the free stools and placing her hand in the black bucket to pull out a beer. Conveniently it was a twist off and in mere instances she took large gulps of the brown liquid, finishing the bottle in one go, not bothering to wait for you to have your own bottle in hand.

She licked her lips and elevated her empty beer bottle out to you. “Cheers my love!” She gave a lazy grin and a smile slipped onto your face. “And shit that beer wasn’t strong enough, I need an actual drink.”

You laughed at her as she stood up and rummaged through the cabinets in the kitchen, on the desperate search for some secret stash. You took the empty seat next to the previously occupied one, and placed your purse on the counter, resting your cheek on your knuckles, waiting to see if she had struck lucky.

“Ah!” she suddenly proclaimed, reaching up on her tippy toes to grab the translucent liquid bottle that was placed on the top shelf. Her fingertips barely touched the tall glass, even so she managed to grab it to some shock, her feet being firmly planted on the tile when she had it in her grasp.

She closed the cabinet door and turned with a crude smirk on her face, hiding the bottle behind her back.

“Guess what they were stashing away?”

Your eyes went wide as you dropped the hand that held the weight of your head to your lap. You were curious but also slightly scared at how the smirk on her face grew. It couldn’t be good.

“Um…” you trailed off, placing your hands on the cool marble countertops. You had no idea.

“Those bastards,” she swore, taking the bottle out from behind her to shake it from side to side as you squint your eyes to get a good look at the label. Though you didn’t have to for she told you herself.

“They stored away Balkan 176 Vodka. Who the fuck does that? Like share you greedy, motherfuckers.”

She placed the tall bottle on the countertop, reaching over to the stack of red and blue solo cups that were near the buckets and pulled out two empty cups.

Your eyes got wider at the realization because no way they had Balkan 176 Vodka, it was the strongest in the United Kingdom market with an alcohol by volume of 88%. 

How did they manage to get a hold of it? 

The damn vodka even has thirteen health warnings on the label.

What the hell are they doing in this house?

You heard the pop of the bottle cap and the echoing sound of the liquid being poured into the two cups, interrupting you out of your thoughts.

Nicole held out the blue solo cup to you, jerking her chin out as a form of encouragement to take the cup from her.

With shaking hands, you reach forward, wrapping your hands around the cup.

You knew you would be wasted beyond belief if she poured a lot of the vodka and you only hoped she didn’t, even if your alcohol tolerance was relatively high.

She bumped her plastic cup with yours, murmuring lowly, “Cheers,” and proceeded to down the vodka in one go as you reciprocated the action.

The clear liquid stung in your throat and you could feel a tingling sensation erupt on your tongue. You shook your head to get rid of the feeling and closed your eyes, scrunching up your nose as if it would somehow help extinguish the burn.

Some tears escaped your eyes and through your blurry vision you saw Nicole step away from the counter, shaking her hands out in front of her with her head tilted towards the ceiling.

“Ah shit that burns…” She let out a few coughs, wiping the back of her hand over her lips. “But it feels great.” She puts her hands on her hips and gives you a wide teary eyed smile when she looks over at you.

You cough yourself before giving her an eye roll, placing two fingers on your temples and giving a soft rub to the skin to guarantee you won’t get a headache.

“You’re crazy, you know that right?”

She walked around the counter to where you sat, as you peered up at her, dropping your hands.

She leaned forward to whisper in your ear rather loudly in order to be heard, “Go big or go home baby.”

You placed your hand on her shoulder and gave her a small push, her giggles standing out despite the music resounding in the other room.

Then her giggles ceased and she stared straight ahead, a blank look overtaking her face, her mouth slightly opening.

Your eyebrows scrunched together. “Hey Nicole?” You asked, raising your butt off the seat to poke at her shoulder.

Her body swayed to the left then right before she shook her head and came out of her trance.

She stumbled over her footing as she tried to move forward and pick up her discarded stilettos off the tile to put them on.

“Nicole!” you called as she prowled forward once she tied the ends of the felt, discrediting the fact that you were still there, but your loud voice caught her attention for her head jolted back to peek over her shoulder to where you still sat.

“Fuck,” she muttered under her breath and pivoted on her heel to go back to where she once was.

“Sorry, sorry love,” she spoke in a rushed manner, fixing her gaze over her shoulder every so often as she shook her head once more. “I just saw some really freaking hot guy and I just—”

You cut her off, knowing where this would lead to. You gave her a small smile of empathy and encouragement. “It’s okay Nicki. Go get some.”

You lightly gave her a push as she staggered forward. Your smile had morphed into a subtle smirk and she laughed at your eagerness for her.

“Oh I will and make sure to get some for yourself too.” She turned around to give you a wink and a peck on the crown of your head, waving goodbye once she pivoted on her heel to presumably stride over to the boy in question.

The kitchen connected to a small dining space that a handful of students were occupying, having conversations with drinks in hand and you just so happened to be in luck for there wasn’t an enormous wave of people, making it easy to see who caught Nicole’s eye.

You followed her figure of a ruby red strapless dress that stood out amongst the neutral tones of the other attire, to where she had passed by a boy with washed out blonde hair, who so happened to be having a conversation to two other girls. He was adorned in a black crisp button up shirt that was folded up to the elbows, with two buttons undone at the top to showcase a bit of chest. You could catch a glimpse of the light reflecting off the silver necklace that peeked out from under his shirt, which was tucked into a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, contrasting his white vans. He took a sip from his red solo cup, letting out a laugh at something one of the girls said, allowing his perfect set of teeth to be seen as his head leaned back. He had a defined jawline and strong eyebrows that looked even better than anyone else’s in hindsight. Nicole really had gotten lucky and when she brushed her shoulder against his, muttering a sorry under her breath, his eyes had followed after her when she moved away.

He apologized to the other girls and quickly whipped his head around to see where Nicole had disappeared to, realizing she starkly could be seen ready to turn the corner to go to another room. His feet made hast as he was hot on her trail and when you saw him loosely latch his hand onto her wrist to turn her around to face him, you knew she would get even luckier. With her sultry gaze and his flirty smile there was no doubt in your mind.

They vanish from sight moments after for he was ready to whisk her away to the second floor with his arm wrapped around her waist and her hand wrapped around his bicep, whispering in his ear.

Lucky indeed.

You turned away after observing them and sighed loudly, swishing the already nonexistent liquid in your cup. You knew it would be possible to find a boy to spend the rest of night with amongst countless that were available to you, natheless you couldn’t help to feel like you didn’t have the desire to “get some” for a particular reason.

So you heaved yourself off the bar stool, too afraid if you hung around in one area for too long someone would surely make a move to hit on you. You weren’t in the mood for company exuding testosterone and cockiness. You weren’t in the mood for assholes.

You poured some more of the hell vodka into your empty cup to give you something to hold onto when you explored the house. You also made sure to grab your purse off the stool, swearing under your breath that you should have just left it in the car and put your cell phone along with keys in your bra like Nicole had done. Sometimes your level of intellect astounded you.

With a cup in hand and purse slung over your shoulder you made your way around the house, bypassing time without any one thing in mind, hoping to see if you could catch your best friend amidst the large gatherings of people, something that most likely seemed impossible. Yet impossible had a good chance as any to become possible too.

You didn’t know how long you had been moving, probably already circled the whole first floor various times, since the remaining floors were closed off for members of the frat. Time went by faster when you were trying to kindly reject offers of those that made an effort to ask you to dance or if you wanted another drink.

Only then is when you saw him—a glimpse of a boy you once knew when you stopped at the bar for a rest.

He looked the same as he did ever since the start of summer, the same from those weeks ago. Light honey colored hair. Dark eyes. A small beauty mark under his left eye. A soft chiseled jaw. Pale pink lips. His signature eye smile, a favorite feature of yours, one bright enough to light up an entire room, one which always made you feel comforted.

Every aspect of his being was the same, except for the outfit which adored his body, that still managed to give you nostalgia—a black short sleeve button up shirt with one button undone to showcase his smooth pale skin, a pair of white jeans that perfectly hugged his legs, and his staple piece of black worn out combat boots.

It reminded you of that one time he had picked you up in a vaguely similar outfit to take you to the outskirts of the city, late at night just for exploring, for adventure, when the both of you started hanging out.

All of it was the same, he was the same, and seeing him there flirting with some other girl wronged you in more ways than one, even if it had been a little over a month since you last saw him in person so close, yet so very far away.

You ducked your head lower, to conceal your figure behind those that were in your line of sight, even if you were still in the open area of view, while secretly keeping an eye on him to see if he would move. He would either notice you directly or his knowledge would be the one to give you away. He always had a sense of knowing where you were without even surveying or asking. He just knew and there was no doubt he would know you were there tonight. You had to escape one way or another before you became found. 

However, you weren’t as inconspicuous as you had perceived yourself to be.

He must have caught you staring, behind the figures that did little to help you in your avoidance of the boy. You didn’t know when he exactly saw you for his leaden eyes had suddenly flitted over the heads of the people surrounding him to meet yours.

Caught.

To say you were scared or anxious would be an understatement for your palms got sweaty and you felt like you could no longer breathe with your heart beating in your ribcage like the fast beat of a drum.

Thump! Thump! Thump!

He excused himself from the brunette he was talking to, gently taking her dainty hand off his bicep when he turned to leave, muttering an apology to her, and stalked over to where you sat rooted to your stool, nearly paralyzed.

But your senses kicked in before then, prohibiting you from just waiting for his arrival. You stumbled over your footing, the heels on your feet making it difficult to get by unnoticed since you were having some difficulty walking away at a fast pace. You tried your best to steer through the people that blocked your path, heading towards an area away from prying eyes, which so happened to be a dimly lit hall that was empty from what you could see.

He was pushing through the drunken bodies, not even managing to say sorry after every push and shove. You heard him call your name, although it was drowned out with the ringing in your ears, the sounds of the music and shouts mixing together indefinitely.

You turned your head over your shoulder to see if he had caught up to you or if you lost him in the crowd.

No figure in sight. You lost him. You escaped.

You leaned your head against the wall, heaving a loud sigh, trying to shake off the jitters in your body. Your hands wouldn’t stop shaking, and the thumping in your chest refused to cease. You wrapped your arms around you in an attempt to calm yourself, to provide much needed comfort.

Comfort that turned to queasiness.

A unlit impending figure loomed over you, casting your body in a black shadow as your breath became short, making it a hassle to inhale, exhale. 

Caught yet again.

You peered up, to see eye to eye with a boy that once held the entire galaxy in his orbs, but now only held emptiness.

The stare was too intense, making you force your eyes away for your own well-being. His shadow became woozy and blurry, making it difficult to pick out which replica was the real version of him.

You were nearly hyperventilating, your breath staggering and your lungs felt as if they would combust any second from lack of oxygen.

The ringing in your ears became louder as you could faintly make out him mouthing your name through reading his lips.

He then raised his hand, cupping your cheek with his thumb, caressing the skin, and that was when everything became calm through a simple touch.

The ringing in your ears ceased, the pounding of the music and chatters of the people became silent, the jitters in your body were gone, and mellowness coursed through your veins to where everything was at a standstill.

Your eyes were wide as you looked at him, awaiting his next move, his next words.

“Bub…” He started then shook his head, the affectionate nickname accidently slipping without consciousness. You hadn’t heard that name come from his mouth in so long. You missed it. “Ah, sorry.” Another shake of the head. “Are you okay? You were almost having a panic attack. Y-Your…” He trailed off, his hand slipping from your cheek to rest by his side as he turned his head away then back to face you. His eyes were soft and filled with concern. He whispered so softly, you could barely make out his words. “Your anxiety hasn’t gotten worse right?”

It was now your turn to move away from his piercing gaze. You never talked about your conflicts with your friends before, you had almost forgotten you had told him, that he knew a secret of yours, but he was never willing to share his own.

You rubbed your hands up and down your arms to provide some heat from the chills that suddenly erupted throughout your entire body.

You refused to behold him. “No,” you muttered, eyeing the floor. “It hasn’t so don’t worry. I’m fine.”

His calloused hands grasp at your chin so he could turn your face to lay your eyes on him. “Are you really okay?”

You knew the underlying meaning to his question. You could feel tears welling up in your eyes, just waiting to fall at four words that seemed so simple to provide an answer to, despite that it was so very hard to voice.

Your eyes dropped to the floor, but he titled your chin up to make sure he saw your eyes when you answered, to see if you were telling the truth.

There was no point to lie, to him of all people, so you mumbled the dreadful word, knowing it was the last one he would want to hear, “No.”

He inhaled a sharp breath, letting his hand fall and took a step back, to provide some space between your bodies. He was the one that now refused to take note of you.

“What do you mean?”

You hugged your own body closer, seeing that he couldn’t provide the much needed comfort, not when what you once had no longer existed.

Your delicate voice could barely be heard. “I-It’s just been h-hard without you. I thought I could do it, b-but…” You trailed off, a stray tear making its way down your cheek and onto the floor. The round droplet of water becoming so lonely, resting there by itself, just like you. “I-I can’t.”

He stepped further away, pushing a hand through his hair, messing up the once neat locks.

“You can’t say that.” He inhaled a breath, raising his eyes to the ceiling then at your figure leaning against the wall. “You can’t ask that of me.”

The frustration seeped through your tone. “I know that!” Your voice became softer. “Trust me I know, but what do you want me to say? That I’m fine without you? That I am happy without you in my life?” You paused, trying to cower into your body further if it was even possible. “You know I can’t lie to you, Jen.” He flinched at the nickname, furthering clutching his hair. “You know I can’t so what’s the point? I’m not happy, I’m not happy…unless it’s with you and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I haven’t moved on.”

He let out a long, exasperated sigh, his hand relaxing before settling by his sides. “No, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can no longer be your happiness, but it’s for the best. We both agreed on this, remember? Even if it pains us, it’s for the best.”

You wiped at your eyes. The dry tears could be still felt on your skin, be that as it may you no longer were on the verge of crying, you were angrier than anything else. You threw your hands up in the air, taking steps towards him until you were mere inches away.

“But why can’t the best be filled with joy instead of sorrow. Why Jen? Why can’t we be happy together?”

Your red rimmed eyes and teary face bruised him on all accounts. Whenever you were hurt, he was as well and it was something he was afraid of, he would always be till the end of time. 

“I…” He inhaled a breath. “I don’t know.”

You placed your hand on his bicep giving him a small smile, not letting your temper consume you today. “It’s okay, I get it.”

He leaned his head forward to rest on your shoulder letting out small, shallow breaths as you raise your hand to run through his thick locks of hair.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry, bub,” he choked on his words, the nickname slipping past his lips unheard. He hitches up his head off your shoulder, allowing your hand to drop from the movement. He gazed into your eyes, the regret ever so prevalent. “I’m the one to blame for us falling apart.”

You nodded your head, not knowing what else to say, both shocked at his shameless declaration and admittance of his faults, nonetheless also touched that he spoke the truth.

His cell phone then suddenly dinged in his pocket, startling the both of you as he took the device out of his back pocket, the light from the screen illuminating his face in a bright, blinding glow.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath. He looked up at you and your furrowed eyebrows. “I-I have to go. I…” He opened his mouth, wrangling with his next words, trying to be careful with what he said next because they could either mend or break the already hanging thread that bounded the two of you together.

A subtle smile slipped onto your face that he could see in the muted lit hall and it melted his heart. He knew you understood, like you always had and always will. 

“I’ll see you around.” He reached for your hand, giving it a slight squeeze, the contact alone was one that left tingles in your skin. “Stay safe.”

He leaves, letting go of your hand and the hold you had over his life, retreating into the darkness of the night for an adventure he always sought to seek, except this time you weren’t by his side.

Though even if you weren’t with him, you weren’t alone. 

“You know,” a voice spoke up amidst the near gloominess of the hall, startling you. You jolted in your spot and turned your body around slowly, the pulse of your beating heart quickening. You saw a figure in the shadows, well at least that is what you could make out.

Had someone been there the whole time? Listening to your conversation with Jeno?

You were more exposed than you realized and you wished it wouldn’t bite you in the back.

Your feet padded against the marble floor and you squint your eyes to get a better look a couple of inches away. Their back was resting on the wall with their left foot planted flatly there as you could see the red solo cup in their right hand. Their head tilted forward slightly as they swished the liquid around the cup before bringing it to their lips and then they proceeded to push themselves off to advance towards you. You saw his figure emerge out of the darkness and when he stood so close to you you didn’t know what to do, feel, or think. You felt like your heart stopped beating in your chest and the blood coursed that through your veins spiked with utter heat, it was a different state, one you never experienced before, not even with a previous lover. 

Your mind went blank and your mouth became dry.

The boy that stood before you was beyond beautiful. You could make out his features in the pale lit hall from every little perfection to perfection for he struck you like he was crafted from above to be unrivaled with no fault in sight.

The first thing that drew you in was his eyes. His eyes were sharp and catlike, a deep brown color that cut through your soul as if he could see every aspect of your being. His eyebrows were rich and fine, in a perfect shape, every hair in the same direction, brushed to be unmoving. While his nose was soft and round, enhancing his delicate features. His cupid bow was prominent, yet light, shaping his thin lips that were pink and utterly pulposus. His skin appeared to be smooth, without any blemish in sight, but you could make out a small scar on the right side of his face that was covered by his hair, though the mark did not take away from his loveliness, only amplified it. His hair was midnight black, almost blending into the background and perfectly framed his face, the strands falling to the sides, right above his eyes, leaving a little bit of his forehead exposed. His face was completely stoic with no mein painted across its fairness and he still was able to be so ethereal, yet imitating with his sharp jawline and pierced ears. He was too good to be true and you felt as if you weren’t worthy enough to lock eyes with an exquisite being such as himself. Even so, your eyes roamed around his face to analyze each and every feature, to truly engrave his image in your mind. 

You could stare all day and get lost in him till he broke you out of your thoughts.

“You know,” he repeated again and you could feel his eyes on you as you struggled to look anywhere but at his gorgeous face. “Whatever goes around eventually comes back to you.” He paused and licked his lips, contemplating a motive. He titled his head before stepping forward while your eyes became wide with curiosity, wondering what he was about to do next. He brought his free hand up from his side, delicately grasping your chin to make you focus on him. His thumb came to rest on your lower lip as you unconsciously parted your lips from his scorching touch. He softly moved his thumb around for several seconds before pulling your lip down at a slow pace. His hand settled completely afterwards, resting by his side anew. He maneuvered right next to your body and leaned his face closer, his pink lips touching your earlobe. He whispered so quietly that you could barely make out what he said or if he even said anything at all. “So you gotta be careful, baby.”

Your mouth opened and closed, attempting to get a response out. Your heart fluttered in your chest and you could feel your hands begin to get clammy. He called you baby, a simple word of affection you heard a thousand times in your life, yet when he said it the feelings that overcame you were different. There was something else in the pet name, an unknown tone of emotion that you couldn’t figure out.

You couldn’t figure him out. 

He affected you so much with mere words as well as actions and you had barely glimpsed at him for not many fleeting seconds. He held you in a spell and you didn’t know if it was one that could be broken. 

You gathered enough courage to turn your head, hoping to see his face a mere centimeters from you, but he wasn’t. He stepped away from you amongst your captivated state and the hotness that emitted from his body turned cold. He didn’t even look at you as he strode by, becoming a small figure amidst a bigger crowd, only leaving you with his last lovely words of advice. You were confused to say the least. He didn’t say goodbye or inform you that he would catch you around campus like you hoped he would. He simply left and with that, you felt as if a piece of your heart did as well. What hurt the most was that you didn’t even catch his name.

Who was he?

That was a question you would strive to find the answer to, if it was the last thing you could do on this forsaken planet during your lifetime. For you were mesmerized by a stranger in the dark, a beautiful one at that who had the power to make you fall with his mere presence and make you forget all the same.

You suppose that the mere explanation why you were disoriented as you made your way back to the heart of the party courtesy of the enigma himself, the thought of Lee Jeno long forgotten.

Everything felt dizzy around you as you felt reality slowly morph into fantasy. The colors of the flashing LED lights were blurring together and the bodies that were pushing up against you when you crossed the dance floor felt too close for comfort.

You needed a glass of water or the fresh air or even someone to take your mind off things. You needed to truly be lost to the bliss of your mind in order to gain sobriety thereafter. You were slightly tipsy, most certainly pushing it, yes, but you were also intoxicated from another source that made you drunk—a boy.

Not even the Balkan 176 Vodka had this much of an impact.

You stumbled forward, pushing through the crowd to get to the kitchen, hoping you recalled the familiar pathway to your destination that had started off your night.

You must have been too close to the floor or were worse in appearance than you assumed yourself to be for you tripped on your footing and fell forward, not before someone’s arm came to wrap around you waist to prevent you from face planting the floor.

“Woah,” they said, their husky voice sounding like music to your ears. “Are you okay there?”

You closed your eyes shut and nodded your head, too scared to turn around to face them through your embarrassment. They maneuvered you around so the front of your body was directly in front of their own. You slowly opened your eyes to the sight of yet another breathtaking boy, making him one of countless others you had seen throughout the night. This particular boy though was one with a dimpled smile. He had a boyish charm that exuded from his persona, but also a sense of maturity at the same time. His deep black hair was parted and a few loose strands fell perfectly over his forehead. He had an inviting look on his face and you suppose that is why you choose him.

You didn’t even think twice before grabbing the collar of his shirt and crashing your lips onto his.

A distraction is what he would be from the brutal reality of your intoxicated world full of heartbreak, lies, and a sprinkle of hope.

He must have been startled for he didn’t move his plump lips against yours for a handful of seconds, but after much adherence he gave in.

It might have been weird to make out with a stranger you didn’t know, one whose name you didn’t even ask for, that is the glamor of college frat parties in some form. Everyone hooked up with everyone. No judgment was given and you were just there for some fun, even if it countered your morals.

Sense was out the door and a high took over. No room for second guessing.

You made out with the attractive boy for some long, draining seconds, before he pulled back first. His lips were swollen and so very red. You were sure you mirrored his features.He licked his lips and titled his head, his gaze locking onto yours as he gave his eyebrow a slight raise.

“Wow,” he muttered then proceeded to chuckle. “Do you always make out with strangers before knowing their name? Or just make out with a stranger right when you meet them?” Another chuckle and a shake of the head.

You turned away, the embarrassment coursing through your veins again. You were thankful that sobriety was achieved, howbeit it partially had to be because of a make out session no less. Sometimes you hated when you drank, too out of it to be aware of your actions.

Damn Nicole.

He moved his hand forward and grasped your chin lightly to turn your face towards him. He was the third to make contact with your skin that night, still and all his touch didn’t burn like the boy that emerged from the dark, for it only left you unfeeling.

He hummed waiting for your answer and the intensity of his stare when you peered at him under your lashes made your knees buckle.

“Um…” you trailed off letting out an awkward and forced giggle. “N-no…not really,” you cleared your throat to get the proper words out. Confidence is what you had to remember. “No, but I—”

You were cut off by a shout of another male calling your name, whose figure was pushing through the throngs of people to reach you when you turned your head to take a gander.

“Ah,” he lets out an exasperated sigh. “There you are! I have been looking all over for you.” He huffs out a breath and gives you a pointed stare. “I told you not to go running off…” He then stops abruptly when he inspects the boy who was so blatantly close to you, too close by his standards at least.

His eyebrows furrowed and zoned in at the boy's hand that were placed firmly on your side and how your chest was pressed up close to his. The boy’s hand hadn’t moved from its previous position either, but when he saw the stare of your best friend he let it rest back to his sides and stepped backwards letting go of his hold on you completely.

“Jaehyun? What are you doing? No,” he shook his head and slightly glared at the presumably older boy. “What were you doing?”

Jaehyun, the boy you now knew the name of after a kiss, shyly laughed and brought his hand up to rub at his neck. You could see the tips of his ears beginning to turn pink as he refused to make eye contact.

While you knew he wouldn’t say what you both were truly doing before your friend’s arrival you didn’t want to leave him grasping at straws.

“He—” you started, then stopped at the same pointed look your best friend gave you and let out a huff at his behavior. He was always too overprotective of you.

“It wasn’t what it looked like Mark, I swear.” He put his hands up at the eyebrow raise Mark gave him as if he caught onto the lie Jaehyun was going to tell. His hands sank to his sides before he continued. “I saw her stumbling through the crowd some minutes ago and she was so clearly out of it that she almost tripped so obviously I didn’t want her to hurt herself. I just stopped her from nearly collapsing on the floor. That’s all.”

When he finished speaking, Mark's gaze was anything but less suspicious, yet his face slowly morphed into a subtle smile. “Always a gentleman huh, Jae?” He asked and let out a laugh in which the boy returned.

Jaehyun’s eyes peered over at you as he gave a lopsided grin and subtle wink. “Always.”

You were hoping Mark didn’t catch on, but with the way his hand suddenly wrapped around your wrist and he tugged you harshly forward, you were beginning to think he had.

“Okay well we better get going. It is a Thursday and we do have class tomorrow so I'll catch you later, Jae. Just tell the guys I had to drop someone off if they’re wondering where I am.”

Jaehyun nodded his head, his eyes still on your own before flashing to meet Mark's. “Will do and hey,” he jerked his head towards you as your eyes slightly furrowed, speculating what he wanted to say to you. “Try not to face plant the floor again, okay?”

You laughed at his remark as Mark's arm came to wrap around your waist tightly, trying to whisk you away towards the front door. You stumbled over how fast he was trying to get your further away from Jaehyun, but still made an effort to reply to the other boy.

You whipped your head around to see him one last time before he would be one figure amongst hundreds. “No promises!”

He shook his head at you and pivoted on his heel. The figure of a boy with a dimpled grin being lost in the sea of people. You hoped you could see him around another time and considering everything you knew you would.

“Try not to flirt with my friends will you?” Mark spoke out as he maneuvered you around the countless bodies occupying the house. He tugged your arm over his shoulder to give him more support while you walked. 

You rolled your eyes at him and pouted. “I was not,” you burped. “Flirting.”

He snickered, peering over at you instantly. “Sure you weren’t.” He looked over the heads of people as he was nearing the front door, stopping in his tracks when you were a few feet away from leaving the house. 

“Anyways where’s Nicole? You came with her right? That’s what you told me because you didn’t want me to come pick you up to bring you to the party.”

You nodded your head, letting out a small yawn. “Mhm, but I lost her not even ten minutes into the party. She went off with one of your frat boys I am sure, I don’t know which one obviously and just left me to mingle.”

He sighed. “We won’t be seeing her for quite some time then.”

“Nope,” you spoke, popping the ‘p.’ “Not a chance.”

“Guess I’ll have to give you a ride then, not that I wasn’t going to but I didn’t want to leave you both alone just in case.” He spoke glancing around to see if by chance Nicole was around, having returned from her little fun escapade.

“Agreed,” you said, yawning once more and you snuggled into the crook of Mark's neck, letting your eyes shut close. Partying for who knows how long and drinking who knows how much alcohol made you exhausted beyond belief. 

“Why have a frat party on Thursday? Especially when most of us have classes the next day. I don’t get it,” you mumbled into his neck as he fondly glanced down at you. There was something endearing about you in that moment, regardless of being at a frat party with sweaty bodies and stomach-churning smells. He leaned forward to kiss the top of your head before adjusting his grip on you so he could get you both out the front door and into his car without any mishaps.

“It is called a frat party for a reason, angel. No day of the week stops us, not even school days.”

You let out a loud groan. “Just great for us, huh?”

He let out a laugh. “Mhm because you’ll definitely have a hangover tomorrow and won’t want to get out of bed, but yay classes. You’re a freshman too and it’s your first week so mind you that you can’t skip even if you wanted to.”

“Screw you.” You murmur elevating your head slightly to properly glare at him. Instead of a threatening look it was something he found cute. But at that same moment when you upheave your head from Mark's shoulder you caught a glimpse of him. You were sure it was him, you couldn’t forget his face even if you tried. He was leaning on a tree in the front yard, once more in the shadows. His right foot was planted on the stump, and in his right hand was an unlit cigarette. His free hand reached into his front pocket and he pulled out a silver lighter that caught glimpses of the moonlight, shining so prominently. When he lit his cigarette he took a long drag and then exhaled, gray smoke encompassing him in a gloomy cloud. He wasn’t checking anywhere but straight ahead to the murkiness of the road, the only light emitting from the lights of the house behind you, that casted a perfect glow across his face, if only he stepped out from the shadows so you could see him in all his enchanting glory. You thought he would turn to eye you, people always did when they felt someone staring, but he didn’t and you forced your head away when Mark called your name.

“Angel?” He asked, his tone curious. “You okay? You blank spaced for a few seconds there.”

You peep up at him to see the concern in his eyes.

You shook your head to get rid of the image that plagued your mind: an image of a boy you thought you wouldn’t see afresh.

“Yeah,” you peered over Mark’s shoulder to see if he was still there, but what you saw was a bare and lonely tree with no boy leaning against it. You were left in disappointment along with confusion for he was there moments ago but left once you turned your head away.

Weird.

Another shake of the head. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just sleepy, sorry.” You sheepishly smiled up at him.

He chuckled, giving a kiss to your forehead. “Understandable so let's get you home.”

You rested your head on his shoulder once more, your eyes filled with both drowsiness and longing for a boy you didn’t know. Hope was all you had and it would be a driving force for you to see the bewildering boy for more than a fleeting second.

If only you knew he had caught you staring when he slipped away.

“You’re sober right?” You questioned when you both arrived at the location in which Mark had parked his black Audi Suv Q8. How he had the money for such a gorgeous car was a shocker, especially considering he was in college no less. Mark always did surprise you in more ways than one.

His grip on you loosened so he could fumble through his jean pocket to find his keys. He gave you an exasperated look when his keys jingled in his hand, clinking against one another.

“Angel, seriously? Of course I'm sober. You know I don't really like to drink anyways, especially at parties.”

You giggled at him. “Sorry, I forgot but I just wanted to make sure! You know my safety can be at risk.”

He brought you over to the side of the passenger’s seat as he unlocked the car, opening up the door to push you inside. He unwrapped his arm from around your waist and tugged your arm away from his neck, so you could sit comfortably in the leather cushion. As he reached over to click the seatbelt into place, he became undeniably close to you, his breath fanning your face.

“Angel you’re always safe with me, “ he drew back to get a good glimpse of your face. “Never forget that.” And when you thought he would give you a friendly kiss on the head like he did various times before, he raised his right hand and gave a small flick to your forehead instead.

“Agreed?”

You lurched back, shocked that he flicked you and he laughed at your wide eyes.

“You flicked me!”

His eyes roll in your sight and he leans back to stand up properly. “Yeah I flicked you, had to get you more sober somehow.”

Then he closes the door shut as he makes his way to the driver’s seat leaving your response unheard.

You grumbled underneath your breath and crossed your arms over your chest. “That wasn’t very nice.”

You turned away from him when he got in the car and clicked his seatbelt into place. He stuck the keys in the ignition and a rumbling was heard thereafter of the engine starting.

He called your name, reaching his right arm over to place his hand on your thigh. He patted the bare skin to get your attention. “Angel come on.” He was glancing between you and the empty road in front of him. “Don’t be mean now.”

You shifted your body, turning forward, his hand dropping from your thigh. He now placed both hands on the wheel, still awaiting to see if you would talk to him.

You sighed before letting out a small giggle and stuck out your tongue when you knew he wasn’t paying attention. “I would never.”

He whipped his head suddenly to make contact with you, your laughter still echoing in the car. “Did you just—”

“Hey! Eyes on the road dumbass!” You hollered and reached over to grab hold of the wheel when he had begun to slightly swerve into the left lane from looking at you for too long. He jerked suddenly when he heard your exclamation as he took over the wheel and steered the car back into the right lane.

He let out a sigh of relief, looking straight ahead, glad no cars were near him when the mishap occurred. He released his right hand off the steering wheel, brushing it through his luscious locks of hair before going back to gripping the wheel, his knuckles turning white from how hard his hold was.

You leaned back in your seat, snuggling into the warm leather. Your tone was mocking as you spoke your next words, “You’re so smart, Markie.” You stifled a laugh when he gave a roll of his eyes.

You knew he would reach over to softly punch you, only if he wasn’t afraid of possibly crashing once more.

“Shut up.”

Your laughter rang out and would flood the increasing silence for moments to come along with the pop music that blared from the car’s speakers, Mark’s attempt of drowning out your titters until you finally reached your destination.

You only lived a few minutes away from campus since you didn’t live in the dorms like other fellow freshmen, lucky enough that your parents had been willing to pay for your own place once you had gotten into university.

Mark had pulled up in the parking lot, turning the keys in the ignition to shut off his car. He released a subtle yawn, leaning back in his seat and turned his head to peer over at you.

Your eyes locked with his own, the contact between you lasting for what felt like instances too long. You could see the tenderness in his gaze and a small smile broke out on his face, one you could barely make out due to the darkness of the wee hours of the morning. You were sure it was past two. 

“Come on,” he reached over the center console and brushed his knuckle against your check, as your own lips uplifted into a lazy beam. “Let me walk you inside.”

You hummed in response and he retracted his hand to clutch onto the handle of the car door in order to get out. You waited for him to come to the other side so he could help you out the car and to the door of your apartment, since you intelligibly could not do it on your own, the drowsiness taking over.

He opened the door and leaned over to unbuckle your seatbelt. Your eyelids feel heavy with sleep as you could barely keep them open, when his right arm wrapped around your waist to haul you up. You thought he would just help you to your door, allowing you to hold some of your own bodyweight, but he didn’t. When your feet were planted on the concrete, he latched one arm under your legs, the other still placed around your waist, permitting him to carry you bridal style. Your eyes fluttered open at the abrupt movements, but you just placed your head in the crook of his shoulder once more, finally allowing your eyes to close as he maneuvered your arm around his neck for further support.

He carried you all the way to your doorstep, knowing you had placed a spare key under the doormat when you first moved in.

He placed the key in the lock, turning it in place and pushed the door open with the front of his foot. The lights flickered on, detecting the motion and he trotted on to the end of the hall where the entrance of your bedroom was. He glanced at the stark neon numbers of your alarm clock, noting it was half past three in the morning. He shook his head and you moved in the process, letting out a small whine. He knew your class would be in a little more than four hours and he knew how much you would dread to get up in the morning.

He dropped you lightly on the bed, unraveling your limbs from around him. You turned in your bed, a groan leaving your lips.

He softly chuckled at you then proceeded to tug off your heels, deciding to leave you in the rest of your attire, even if a mini dress wasn’t ideal to sleep in. However, you would manage, especially considering you were too out of it to care.

He tugs the covers out from underneath you, evident of the sounds of protest emitting from your lips.

“I am just trying to tuck you in, you big baby,” he teases. “So stop moving.”

You weren’t fully passed out yet so you took heed to his words, stopping in your movements as you felt the snugness of the blankets engulf you. He made sure you were tucked in nicely before leaning over and placing a gentle peck on your forehead, in which he caught a glimpse of a smile.

“Good night, angel,” he whispered once he leaned back. He brought the covers up to your chin, giving your cheek a little tap with his index finger. “I love you.”

You hummed, tilting your head up to scrunch up your nose in the air as your eyes became closed crescent moons. “Love you too, Markie.” You let out a yawn and turned your head away to face the wall, snuggling deeper into your covers.

A smile was painted on his face as he pivoted on his heel to exit the room and ultimately your apartment in order to drive back to his frat house since he needed some sleep himself, considering you would rely on him in a few hours to make it out of bed for class.

He then stopped in his tracks before he was completely out the door. “I’ll come by in the morning…in a few hours and shoot you a text so you can get up on time. Class at 8am sharp, angel. Don’t forget.” 

His footsteps faded into the hall and you heard the front door slam shut moments after. While he didn’t think you were awake when he spoke his friendly reminder, you were, at least before you finally let sleep take you under. Yet, in those few hours, when Mark said he would swing by, he didn’t.

So there you were, jerking awake in raw sweat when you glanced at your alarm clock that indicated the time was ten past eight in the morning.

“Shit,” you said, bringing your hand up to rub at your temples to potentially soothe the pounding headache you had.

Trust Mark to let you down, though you knew there was a possible conflict. He never forgot things, there had to be a reason, but you wouldn’t let it worry you now when you were assuredly late for class.

You thought of skipping, but recalled the oh so fantastic reminder that you were still a freshman and your class attendance did matter, especially since it was the first week.

You scrambled to get out of bed, tripping over your two left feet as you made your way to the bathroom that was a few steps away from your room.

You rushed to brush your teeth and wash your face, the light makeup crusty beyond belief. You also made sure to pee, just like your usual morning routine. Then you rushed back into your room to swiftly change into a more comfortable outfit, something that wasn’t a short mini dress because no way were you going to be marching into lecture looking like you came straight from the club. You tugged on some black jeans and took the first hoodie you laid eyes on off the hanger before jumping into your socks and grabbing the first pair of Vans that lay by your shoe rack.

You reached for your cell phone on the bedside table along with your car keys, seeing the time was now 8:17am and assorted texts from your friends. The one that stood out most was Mark’s which was the most recent, but you had no time to check what he said, most likely noting he was apologizing for not coming over. You slipped your mobile into your back pocket and went down the hall. You made a fast stop to your kitchen, grabbing a cold bottle of water from the fridge and reaching for the bottle of Advil in the cupboard, that you would undoubtedly need to down in order to get rid of your hangover, the headache pounding feeling louder by the second. You skidded over to the couch in your living room and grabbed your backpack off the cushion, hoping it had all the materials you would need for your classes today. 

After shutting the door to your apartment, making sure it was locked, and skipping down the stairs by twos, you reached the parking garage of your complex, nearly running to get to your sleek grey Toyota Corolla. You kick started your car and drove down the highway, speeding to the point you were sure you would get pulled over if a cop so happened to pass by. Although fate was on your side today because you made it to campus in nearly record time, right on the dot at 8:22am. You would get marked late and definitely scolded some more if you stepped through the door at 8:30am for a lecture, but you could make it if you sprinted across campus, which was what you were going to do.

Yet, running sometimes doesn’t work for you because when you turned the corner of the hallway where your morning class was located, you bumped into someone. 

“Ow,” you muttered under your breath. Their chest was rock solid and the impact hurt. Their hands came to rest on your forearms to steady you.

“Oh fuck. Are you okay?” they asked gruffly, concern patent in their tone and for some reason their voice was vaguely recognizable. 

“Ah yeah, I’m…” You trailed off, just about ready to see who you ran into, but in the corner of your eye, right before you could, you saw him, a glimpse of a figure with black bucket hat and oversized paint splatter tee. It could have just been anyone, yet you were sure it was him because you would notice those arcane and void eyes anywhere. His eyes barely glanced at his surroundings as he was walking and he had the effect to unintentionally stop your train of thought. You knew it was him, the boy from the frat party, the one that stunned you into silence, the one that made your heart beat rapidly, the one that called you baby, the one—

“Hey!” the person in front of you exclaimed, slightly shaking your arms. “Are you sure you’re good? You were out of it there for a second, princess.”

You shook your head to get your mind unclouded, noting the boy had faded into oblivion, yet again. You never quite had the timing right. Sometimes fate was on your side, other times not so much.

You turn your head, locking eyes with the deep brown of the boy who you bumped into, the same boy who had saved you yesterday. Just perfect. 

He has a gentle smile on his face, one that made you feel cozy and his dimples were showcased so prominently. 

“Well, if it isn't my favorite clumsy girl. We meet again and soon at that. Do I have to keep you from falling all the time?”

You giggle nervously when he quirks his brow, “Well?”

You stutter, looking behind your shoulder then back at his face. “U-Um...well...I-I…”

His boisterous laugh rings. “I’m just messing, princess. If anything I so happen to enjoy our little run-ins. Gives me an excuse to talk to you and have you fall into my arms,” he states with no shame, the smile widening. 

“Of course you’d say that.”

“Can’t help it princess, that was some kiss last night,” his smile transforms to a small smirk.

You hit his chest and he chortles at your action, his head leaning back. You whisper in response, “Shut up, someone might hear you.”

“My bad,” he manages to say in between his amusement.

You shake your head, but then your eyes go wide with realization that you needed to be in class, as in right now. 

“Shit,” you cursed, the fear seeping in your bones. You never had been late before. 

His laughter stops and his eyebrows wrinkle together. “You all right?”

You let out another high strung laugh, stepping back from him and to the other side of his body. His eyes follow your every move. “Oh yeah sorry. I’m fine…I just have to go,” you spoke and then dashed forward, leaving him behind in the dust along with the memory of the same mysterious boy from before Jaehyun stole your attention away. 

You were glad you made it right on time to class, well as late as you were. You footslog through the door at 8:30am, with each pair of eyes in the classroom looking at you for the tiniest nanosecond. You were glad your professor hadn’t called you out, too invested in his lesson that he didn’t spare you a single glance even if you could feel his eyes burning into the back of your skull as you made your way to your seat in the back of the room. Class droned on for two hours and you felt every ounce of willpower draining from your veins. You were sure you would collapse any second now and taking a few tablets of Advil added to your disoriented state of sleepiness. You still had another two classes after this one before you would be able to take a break for lunch and even then you had one more class before you were done for the day.

You were hoping it went by fast, but with your hangover still quite literally hanging around, and your lack of focus, you knew you were fucked.

Fucked is what you were until lunch time came around. 

You were sure everyone could catch on to the fact that you were hung over because simply put you looked like shit. You had your hoodie on, but it barely accomplished concealing your very visible red-rimmed eyes and droopy lids. You were basically dragging yourself over to your designated spot where Nicole, Mark, and you always met up for your breaks. You were glad your schedules overlapped to where you would be able to catch up with them before the other had to dash off to another class. Mark was busier since he was a year above, but he still tried to organize his schedule around your own because his classes were from the early morning to night at times. While you and Nicole usually had classes up till the midafternoon, allowing the rest of your day and night to be free.

When you reached the expanse of the indoor cafeteria, you struggled to find either one of your friends, desperately searching for a similar shade of brown and black amongst countless others.

Then you saw Mark pushing his way through the surrounding students, coming over to you and you caught sight of Nicole sitting at the table tucked into the corner of the dining room, tapping away at her cell phone screen, her tray of food discarded.

There was a smirk plastered on his face when he reached you and slung his arm over your shoulder. He whispered in your ear rather obnoxiously, “You look like shit.”

You pushed at his side to get him off of you from his crude remark, but to no avail for he brought his arm tighter around you so he could hug you to his chest. His laughter rang loud amongst the noise of the cafeteria, but you were sure it would have stood out like a sore thumb.

You mumbled into his chest, your cheek resting on his sky blue button up shirt, inhaling the scent of citrus and detergent. “I hate you.”

His laughter got even louder if that was possible. “You don’t, but whatever you say angel.” He released his grip on you, unraveling himself from your body, though his arm was still around your shoulder as you closed your eyes momentarily, leaning on him.

“Now let’s get you some food, hm?”

You nodded your head as he steered you through the crowd to get to the table. When your eyes opened you still saw Nicole typing away furiously on her mobile, but then she heaved a loud and long sigh, nearly slamming the cellular device down on the table in the process.

You walked around the table to sit next to her, Mark’s arm dropping from your shoulder as he excused himself to go pick up some food for both you and him.

You wrapped your own arm around her as she leaned her body into yours.

“What’s up?” you asked, rubbing your thumb over her clothed skin.

She sighed yet again and shook her head. “Nothing…it’s just a lot happened at that party after I left you alone…” She paused, peering up at the ceiling then down at her twiddling hands in her lap. “A lot and I don’t know…I don’t know.”

You nodded your head in acknowledgement, you had some idea what she meant, most likely referring to the boy she wandered off with at the start of the party, but you would wait for her to tell you what happened and she would when she felt like sharing. There was no point to pressure her.

“I get it, don’t worry Nicki. We can talk about it when you’re ready.”

She turned her head to smile up at you and raised her hand to boop your nose. “Thanks babe. You’re the best.”

You lazily smiled back at her. “Yeah I know.”

She let out a giggle and you were glad you achieved your goal to make her happy in that moment, but it was for a moment too short because the sound of a tray hitting the table echoed in the cafeteria courtesy of Mark Lee himself.

“Ah shit, sorry, sorry,” he muttered, his mouth turned down into a frown. “Didn’t mean to interrupt anything between you two.” He rubbed the back of his neck before gently placing the next tray onto the table to lessen the noise.

You laughed as Nicole’s weight lifted off of you.

“You’re fine, Markie, don’t worry.” You smiled up to him and patted the seat next to you. “So what did you get me for lunch?”

He maneuvered around the table to sit next to you, sliding the trays over once he sat down.

He gave you a boyish grin, his star-filled eyes sparkling. “Your favorite.”

You peered down at the tray in front of you, with two styrofoam containers of various sizes and some napkins he had so graciously placed at the sides.

You quirked an eyebrow when you looked over at him, wondering what he meant, considering you loved most food and it was always hard to pick one favorite.

You opened the larger container to a sandwich cut perfectly into two triangles, the distinct turkey slices and cheddar cheese sticking out.

“You didn’t…”

His beam grew. “Yup! A turkey, apple, and cheddar sandwich, baby! I know you’ve been craving one too and since hangovers also suck ass it is perfect for lunch.”

He bumped his shoulder with yours. “With a side of fries of course.”

You giggled and bumped his shoulder right back, making sure to give his hand a squeeze that rested on his thigh.

“Thank you, Markie. You always do take care of me.”

He squeezed your hand right back before you let go to begin eating your food.

“Always.”

“Aw you guys are always so cute…I’m jealous,” a voice broke out, interrupting the intimate moment between you and Mark. 

Nicole had a pout on her face when you turned to look at her, making the both of you laugh.

“Laughing at my misfortune, sweet,” she mumbled with a roll of her eyes, but you could clearly see her trying to hold back a smile.

“Shut up, Nicki. You just wish you had a relationship like us,” Mark exclaimed with a smirk, throwing his arm around your shoulder, tugging you close to him amidst you trying to take a bite out of your sandwich.

You huffed and shook your shoulders to get the weight of his arm off of you in order to eat before your lunch break was over. “Trying to eat, mate.”

Nicole let out a loud, boisterous laugh as she stood up from the table, swinging her backpack over her shoulder. Her boots clicked against the tile as she took small steps to where the two of you sat. She patted Mark’s head, slightly ruffling his locks of black hair, in which he opposed and kissed the crown of your head, her flowery scent lingering when she stepped back.

“As much as I would love to continue this, my loves, I have to get to my next class early. I have to ask the professor some questions about an upcoming assignment.” She tugged on the straps of her backpack to hitch them higher, the sadness in her eyes transparent at her departure when her eyes glimpsed between you and Mark.

“Aw man,” you pouted. “See you later though! Make sure to text me too!”

She gave you a sly wink. “For sure!” She then smirked over at Mark. “Don’t worry I won’t forget to text you either.”

He gave a roll of his eyes but nodded his head nonetheless. “I am honored. Now go!”

“Okay, okay! I am going so bye bye loves.” She gave a little wave and pivoted on her heels, off towards her next class, but stopped in her tracks after a number of steps.

She moved her head to the right in order to glance at Mark from the corner of her eye. “Oh and Mark? Make sure our little party girl makes it to class in one piece.”

She whipped her head forward and continued walking, not sparing an ounce of extra time to see either one of your reactions. Although Mark besides you was trying his best to contain his laughter.

You punched his shoulder and pushed him thereafter, his body swaying right then left, his laughter ever increasing with no complaints of pain from your bold actions.

“You guys are so annoying,” you mustered, the aggressive sound of your chewing echoing in your ears and his own.

He patted your head, maneuvering his hands over to open his containers of food.

He shrugged his shoulders, picking up his fork to twirl the noodles around before stuffing his face with food. He chewed slowly contrary to your prior actions. He swallowed then spoke, “Yeah, but you still love us.”

You rolled your eyes, picking up a fry and pointing it at him. “Don’t give yourself too much credit there, bud.”

You took a bite when he gave you an exasperated look. “Whatever you say, angel, but you and I both know the truth.”

You ignored him and continued eating, food occupying your mind rather than the bullshit Mark pulled on you, though he did in fact call your bluff. You very much loved him and Nicole, no matter how much you joked about not loving them.

Amidst the quietness that surrounded you and Mark, the only sound of you both chewing every so often, until your ears perked up at a conversation from the tables near you, whispers of remarks. 

“They’re here.”

“Who?”

“The frat boys from NCT, who else? Legends on campus. Heartbreakers of the century. Know how to throw a good party. They are pretty smart too and literally all of them are handsome, it’s insane. A whole package if you ask me. Damn good genes.”

Your eyebrows furrowed at the statements, contemplating how accurate they could be and if they really held the very weight conveyed.

Then a light bulb went off in your head—the boys from the NCT frat house, the very boys who threw the outrageous party you attended yesterday. They were here in the cafeteria and everyone was making a big ruckus out of their arrival. While they surely had a name for themselves, they couldn’t be that legendary or that gorgeous, but oh how you were so very wrong.

The diverse boys that walked into the cafeteria, their power exuding from their auras, instances after your claims, were so striking it left you breathless and in awe. 

What the fuck was up with all these college boys being so pretty? 

College was a whole different beast from high school, if the boys were any indication.

You were speculating the boys that stode in didn’t whole frat house, since more often than none frats had a lot of members and even more so that they would all be in different years with different classes throughout the day, not being lucky enough to have an identical period of break. Although, you knew it was possible if the right strings were pulled, but you just believed they weren’t capable of such doings for an odd reason you couldn’t point out. Regardless, the members that strode in surely spoke for the rest of them, indeed the good genes.

To your amazement they didn’t stop to grab food like other students would have if they entered the cafeteria, for the sole purpose of food and food alone. Instead they were on the search for someone, their eyes wandering over the heads of the entire student body that were captivated at their presence. They paid no mind to the apparent stares, set on who they were looking for, even disregarding the flirty winks or sultry gazes a number of girls were sending them.  

Surprising you, one of them managed to send a wink right back when he strided by, a boy with relatively long brown hair with blonde highlights and fierce eyes who looked like he came straight out of a Japanese anime.

You rolled your eyes at the boy’s actions and went back to eating the rest of your fries, having already finished your sandwich, as there was no reason for you to pay attention to them in the slightest. Your meal held more importance. Not to mention, you knew they wouldn't head your way, noting that they weren’t looking for you, rather someone else, a girl or a fellow frat boy if another was in the room.

Then you paused suddenly before you took the final bite out of your french fry. You were hit with an abrupt realization. Mark was in a frat—their frat and they could in fact be looking for him.

Your suspicions were confirmed when a very tall and lean boy, with tousled black hair pushed to the side, presumably leading the other boys that trailed behind him, began to head in the direction of where you sat with Mark, his eyes lighting up as he became closer.

Well shit.

Mark doesn’t look up, too immersed in savoring his meal and glancing at his electronic device from time to time that rested on the table.

You on the other hand, do look up, and your eyes are wide in fear the nearer the frat boys get to the table. You weren’t scared of them, no, you were scared of what could possibly happen once they stopped in front of the both of you.

The tall boy is inches away and when you lock eyes with him, all he does is give you a sly smirk.

Not good at all.

You harshly nudge your shoulder with Mark to capture his attention and he turns to you right after, placing his fork down to give you an annoyed look.

You don’t mutter a word, but rather jerk your head forward in the direction of where all the frat boys stood in their glory. Some with smirks plastered on their faces, soft smiles, or no countenance at all. You could make the distinction between the ones you should ignore and befriend. Not that it should matter, Mark wouldn’t allow it all because of what he dubbed his “best friend duty,” which wasn’t anywhere near practical.

Mark’s eyebrows wrinkle and his lips pucker when he moves his head up to see what—or who you were trying to inform him of.

“Oh,” he lets out, barely audible to anyone that wasn’t close to him.

His facial features suddenly relax and the biggest grin slips onto his face. “Hey guys, what’s up?” He questions energetically, picking up the stray napkin to wipe his fingers clean and pocketing his cell after as he awaits a response.

The tall boy moves first, grabbing an empty chair and taking a seat, flicking his hand up in the air to serve as a signal for the other boys, the meaning it held to you, unknown. They disperse in seconds, swiftly walking to the exit of the cafeteria and only one boy, the one that winked at the girl earlier, stays, him too grabbing the chair next to the tall boy in order to sit down.

The tall boy’s smile is too sweet, too kind, and too secretive as he glances between you and Mark when he answers. “Just came to tell you that we set the date for the next NCT frat party.” He leans back in his seat with his arms crossed.

Mark snickers, peering at you in his peripheral vision. You were still shaken at their arrival, but put up a composed front, placing your hands under your thighs and trying to stop the shaking of your right leg. Mark reached his left hand out and put it on the top of your thigh, slightly giving the clothed skin a squeeze, an act of reassurance.

“And this news couldn’t wait till I got back home?”

The grin on the tall boy's face morphs into a thin line, his eyes becoming serious, no longer filled with mirth that was present before. His voice is stern when he speaks. “No, it couldn’t.” He unravels his arms, placing his forearms on the table while he leans his body forward with his piercing gaze directed at Mark. “It couldn’t, especially when you missed our chapter for the week.”  His gaze got icier if it was even possible. “I am sure you know how important they are.”

Mark gulps, moving his eyes away to look down at the table. He doesn’t respond, opting for unnerving silence, with regards to the chatter of the students around that gives you goosebumps all over.

The unnamed boy that was quiet throughout the duration of the talk between the tall boy and Mark lets out an unexpected guffaw that fills the void. He was slouching in his chair, picking at his nails, but straightens his posture to clap a hand on Mark’s shoulder over the table. He gives Mark a small push, his loud voice echoing. “Relax there Markie boy.” He stifles his laughter at the way Mark’s eyes widen and his nose scrunches at the nickname. He leans back, pulling an object out of his back pocket of his black ripped skinny jeans—a lighter and he twiddles with it between his fingers.

The taller boy too chuckles loudly, leaning back, his arms crossed once more. “Exactly. No need to look so scared Mark. I was joking.” A teasing grin rests upon his lips, his eyes twinkling in contrast to the dullness that once made him look empty. He mutters under his breath, “Partially at least.”

The tall boy puffs out a breath of air in-between his lips, looking over at his companion who turns his head. He smirks first, the laughter bubbling up while the latter joins in with the inside joke, shaking his head, disregarding how Mark and you were still in their vicinity.

They both turn their heads forward, the chuckles dying down. Your eyebrows are furrowed, confusion unmistakable in your eyes and Mark’s expression remains neutral, with a hint of annoyance in his starless eyes.

An easy smile rests on the taller boy’s face when he clears his throat to speak. “Anyways as I was saying, another frat party. It will be in two weeks, on a Friday like we usually do.” He pauses then reaches over to pick up a stray fry off your tray, chewing slowly to savor the taste before he continues. His eyes glinted mischief when they flitted over to look at you for a split second. You were going to protest at him stealing your food, but decided against it, too worried about the outcome, even if you knew the only thing he would do was tease you. That is how most frat boys worked anyways and he wouldn’t be any different, if his actions weren’t enough of an indication. “I will let you know the exact details, but invite whoever you want as we get closer to the date. You know the drill for these…yada yada.” He flicks his hand in the air. “But keep in mind we want it more exclusive this time. There were way too many people for our back to school party yesterday. Way too many.” He rolls his eyes. “We get it, we are the fraternity, but people still show up uninvited and fuck up our house with their shitfaced actions.”

Mark hums in agreement, nodding his head. “Okay yeah got it.”

He sternly replies, “Good, we had enough of seeing way too much vomit.” He visibly shudders and your face contorts to a disgusted expression. You understood where they were coming from and you knew you didn’t want your own house to be filled with a repellent smell.

The discussion ceased after his statement and you thought that was it, that he was done with what he came to the cafeteria for, which was to audibly inform Mark about some frat business. Yet you were in the wrong, because he didn’t get out of his seat and stand up to leave like you believed him to do, no, he stayed rooted to his spot and so did his friend.

He suddenly addresses you, the cheekiness in his gaze and tone, displeasing you. He was hot, yes, but you had enough with the absentminded flirting for one night, even if it was hours later.

Alcohol leaving your system sure did marvels.

He leans forward one more, his head tilted to the side while he quirks up a brow to look you dead in the eyes. “Will you be there, gorgeous?”

You had to stop yourself from giving an eye roll when he asked you the question and his implication of a compliment. You gave him a tight lipped smile, your eyes refusing to meet his own as you opted to look at his forehead discreetly.

You were going to respond until Mark beat you to an answer, the firmness crystal clear in his tone.

“Don’t flirt with her, Johnny,” he warned, directing another annoyed gaze at the tall boy who you now had a name to attach to his face.

Johnny leans back, throwing his arm over the occupied chair to his left and snickers. “Okay lover boy.”

Mark groans, just about as done as you were with Johnny’s ever prominent teasing. He never seemed to stop and you were curious as to how Mark could keep up with him. He did spend most of his time with the boys in his frat and Johnny was one of many who could surely have his fair share of annoying moments.

“Also,” Johnny pipes up, his eyes trailing over at the girl that passes by him, before he diverts his attention to the two of you. “Taeyong is looking for you.”

Mark’s eyebrows come together in confusion and your interest is spiked at the mention of an unknown person. Something stirs within you, an emotion of familiarity as if you had ever met someone with the same name, when you were sure you hadn’t. You couldn’t quite put a finger on it as if they were the answer to a long awaited question.

“Taeyong? Why?”

Johnny lets his arm drop from around the chair and shrugs his shoulders, picking at a loose strand on his washed out ripped jeans. “I don’t know, something about a project? I can’t remember all the details.”

“Oh shit,” Mark swears under his breath as everyone looks over at him, including you. “Right.” He shakes his head, mumbling words to himself as his actions draw attention. He could feel the eyes on him and when he looked up, he looked like a deer caught in headlights. He rubs his hand on the back of his neck in a bashful manner and sheepishly smiles. “Sorry.”

Johnny chuckles. “Anyways Yuta and I need to get going.” He bumps his shoulder with Yuta to capture his attention. You now had another name to a face and you knew you would surely remember them both, it was hard to forget any frat boy. Johnny and Yuta both stand up, the latter putting the lighter in his back pocket as their bodies are turned to leave.

“I’ll see you at the house later,” Johnny states, nodding his head at Mark who returns the gesture. His eyes then flit to look down at you, an easy beam resting on his face. “As for you, I’ll catch you around, gorgeous.” He winks at you then turns, sauntering away to the exit of the cafeteria with Yuta sluggishly trailing behind him. Amidst his departure he raises a hand up and yells, “Bye Markie boy.” Both his and Johnny’s laughter echo in the hall until it fades out into nothingness.

Mark heaves a sigh, “Sometimes I can’t stand them.” He regards you with a displeased look and you have to hold back your giggles from his predicament.

“Of course you would want to laugh right, but angel I have to get going,” Mark exclaims, sadness in his gaze. “I’d hate to leave you here on your own, but understand I totally forgot about it. I really have to go, I can’t hold this...project back forever.”

You beam warmly at him, reaching over to pat his hand and give it a squeeze. “It’s fine Markie, don’t worry about it. Go.” You push his shoulder to get him on the move, allowing him to let out a laugh.

He scrambles to collect his trash onto the tray and swings the strap of his backpack over his shoulder, double checking that his cell phone is in his back pocket. Once he stands up and pushes his chair in with his hip, he leans down to give a kiss on the top of your head.

“Okay, bye angel. I’ll see you soon.” He grins and you nod your head at him, muttering your own, “Okay.”

He then quickly treads away, evaporating into the mess of students. Gone in a second.

He truly was in a rush and you couldn’t help but ponder why that was. The project must have been of uttermost importance for him to dash out so speedily. You wondered if there was something more, or maybe you were thinking too much into things, especially regarding a boy who wore his heart on his sleeve ever since you met him. Even so you were curious about the one he was meeting.

Who the hell was Taeyong?

You sigh. There was no room for pondering when it surely didn’t matter and sitting at the now deserted table, you realized you were left alone like you were at the very start.

Left in solitude and utter loneliness, but you soon wouldn’t be for time could tell.

Time worked faster than you realized, as you spent the next two weeks anxious and nervous beyond belief, for a party you knew could potentially give you the responses you so desperately sought.

In the deepest part of your soul you hoped you would see him there, the boy that captivated you without even trying. You needed to figure who he really was and who he could be. You couldn’t be disappointed and when Friday rolls around after long anticipation, you would find out if fate was on your side.

Leading up to the party, your last two weeks were mostly productive to say the least. In between classes, coursework, and your small part time job at a nearby diner along with making time to hang out with your best friends, everything went by in a blur.

Before you knew it, Nicole had come knocking on your door hours before the party, intent on making you look as stunning as you always did, while you would return the favor.

She seemed to have gotten over her so-called slump from the week prior, yet she still didn’t share the cause of her being upset or out of it, though you did have a hunch it still had to do with the boy she escaped with, someone who most likely had captured her heart when she thought no one could ever. If they were to see each other anew you desired that everything would be satisfactory, that everything would go well for Nicole more than anything, because while she put up a tough front, she was more fragile on the inside than what anyone ever gave her credit for.

Seems like fate would have to give her a chance too.

Driving to the frat house, earlier than fashionably late all due to not wanting to kill your feet once again, nerves got to you. Nicole even had to call you out for it, like she seemed to always do when she knew you weren’t calm. She kept you in check.

She even held your arm as you were making your way up to the front door, the recollection from that night hitting you like a splash of cold water in the face during a hot day.

“You good?” She questioned once she let you sit down on the black stool by the kitchen counter, the same place you were the last time you visited the house.

“Mhm, I’m good.” You rested your arms on the cool surface and put your head down, a groan escaping your lips.

She poked your shoulder. “Sure you are babe. What’s up?” She pulled the empty stool out next to you to sit down, awaiting a response.

You didn’t haul your head up, opting to mumble the words that she wouldn’t be able to make out. “Nothing, but everything.” You paused and hoisted your head up, choosing not to antagonize her. She peered at you with expectant eyes that were still tender, one eyebrow lifted in waiting. You rested your head on your knuckles, looking down at the counter instead of into her eyes. You spoke so quietly, she had to lean in closer to make out your words with the loud sounds that surrounded you both.

“It’s just I saw this boy here the other night and I was maybe…I don’t know…hoping—”

She cut you off. “Hoping to see him again?”

You nodded your head, lifting your eyes up. “Yeah, just maybe.”

She sighed loudly. “Listen love, boys in college they’re…” She paused, puffing out air in between her nude colored lips. “They are exactly like the ones we met during high school. They aren’t all too different because they aren’t innocent, caring, or mature in the slightest. No, they aren’t no matter how much their façade proves otherwise. They hold more secrets then necessary and those are the ones that keep them alive. They get a thrill out of being mysterious, untouchable, since they know how much they are desired, especially these frat boys.”

She taps a finger above your heart. “So you have to be careful, love. You have to shield your heart even if you want to open it up to the first guy that enchants you. Don’t do it. Resist because they bring more trouble than what you bargained for. Not everyone is what, who, they seem and I am saying this as a warning, a reminder for you to heed to. I don’t want to see you hurt so please be careful.”

She grasps your empty hand that rests on your thigh, giving you a small squeeze. Her eyes are somber and you can see the twinge of hurt that lingers when you make contact with her. The tone she had was too relatable for her not to be speaking out of her own experiences. Something must have happened and not for the better like you wished.

You drop your hand from holding the weight of your head and put it on top of hers. “Nicki…what happened?”

You tilt your head when she looks away.

“I guess I am not as tough as I seem,” she murmurs.

You shake your enclosed hands to make her turn back. “Hey,” you say when her broken eyes look at you. “You are the strongest person I know and just because you weren’t immune to someone else’s charms doesn’t belittle that. Nicki we all make mistakes and we all hurt at one time or another so it’s okay. You have to be aware that it is okay to be human.”

She nods her head, giving you a light smile. “I suppose you’re right. I am not weak for feeling. I am strong for it.”

“Damn right you are. You’re a bad bitch, remember?”

She chuckles loud and direct, shaking her head at your words. “Indeed I am. We are bad bitches together.”

She slips her hand out from where she was holding yours and raises her pinky.

“Forever?”

You latch your pinky around her own, smiling at her so bright, that she can’t help but let her grin widen. Her eyes now contain a hint of happiness when you shake your pinkies. “Forever.”

You both sit there, smiling at each other, the youthfulness in your gazes and you feel impenetrable. The world could build you up and break you down, but you’d still be left standing no matter how much you endured. After all, you both were bad bitches together, forever.

“Okay,” Nicole laughs, unlatching her pinky from yours. “I think that is enough sappiness for tonight. I mean we came to party right?”

“Hell yeah.”

“Great!” She yells, the music from the next room escalating in sound. “Let me get us some drinks.” She stands up, the creak of her bar stool vibrating. “You’ll be okay on your own while I go to the bar right?”

You nod your head, giving her a smile of reassurance. “Yes I’ll be fine, just don’t be gone too long.”

“I won’t! Be right back!” Then she vanishes from sight, being lost in the scatters of students.

Your knee moves up and down, the nerves coursing through your body. You didn’t want to worry her that you wouldn’t necessarily be okay on your own. You were scared of encountering Jeno, Jaehyun or the other two frat boys that you had met. The awkwardness that would surely ensure, you weren’t ready to face. You could only rely on Nicole to be fast when getting the drinks so you wouldn’t be left alone, unguarded for too long. Yet you knew she always did speak words of truth.

You suppose you were partially lucky and partially not for a few minutes went by and Nicole hadn’t returned, but on the other hand no one dared to look in your direction or spark up a conversation for some peculiar reason. You were left untouched contrary to how the other night went.

In your wait nothing of the sort happened, and you were bored, just glancing around the room and at the bright lit screen of your mobile. You just wanted to be buzzed so you could go dance and forge the thoughts that lingered in your mind. Somber when dancing never was a good fit, more so at a party.

But then you caught sight of someone who had faded out of your mind once you stepped foot into the house. It had to be him…it had to be and your suspicions were confirmed as he became closer to you. The same pitch black hair and hooded eyes that you knew by now after seeing him in passing a variety of times.

He was wearing a short sleeve silk button up shirt adorned with a circular pattern of purple, white, and green that had few top buttons undone to allow his white, creamy skin to be seen. He had paired it with black cargo pants, two dangling silver wallet chains looped to the belt and low cut, white Converse that appeared to be customized in the dim light. The silver necklace and bracelet sparkled when he moved, once more his presence stunned you.

You couldn’t let this moment go unscathed because you had to know something about him, anything rather than admiring from afar. The wants of your heart rather than mind served as a driving force once you stood up from your seat and followed after him before he disappeared like the many times before. His bright colored shirt served as an indicator in the crowd, his steps taken leisurely while yours were taken in a rush to ensure you didn’t lose him. You didn’t know where he was headed, hands tucked into his front pockets as if he didn’t want to be there, but you soon did. He took a sharp right heading in route to one of the side doors in the house, ready to exit to the back.

It wasn’t supposed to be chilly that night, but when you stepped into the backyard, chills erupted on your skin and you rubbed your arms to stop yourself from shivering.

You had never seen the backyard before, only ever been secluded to the first floor of the house, yet it was as equally beautiful as the rest of it. There was an expanse of a pool, leveled from the ground of where you stood that was illuminating with stark blue, casting glows among the rest of the yard with the candles that were placed at the sides and the other bright LED lights. You proceeded out to where the patio area was, a few chairs scattered about and a large glass table in the middle. There was another seating area to your left with high bar stools and marble counters lined along the edges leading up to a small outside kitchen with a television screen plastered on the tile. To your right was a fire pit and a few lawn chairs surrounded the area. In front of you, before one would take the stairs up to the pool, was an empty tiled area with a basketball hoop pushed to the side, a place you supposed they interchanged to fit their activities depending on the day.

Besides being mind-blown at the beauty, you were more shocked that no one was outside. It was unnervingly silent give or take the tweets of the birds and hoots of the owls along with the inside pounding of the music, which faded from penetrating through the walls completely.

“You aren’t supposed to be out here, you know.” He spoke in his light and sweet, slightly raspy voice, that directly contrasted his outside demeanor.

You didn’t know how he had sensed someone followed him outside and you probably knew you weren’t all too discreet, but you took a small group of steps to reach him, where his back still remained in your vision. You were embarrassed that he found out so quickly, though you still had to have some ounce of dignity, some ounce of unwavering confidence.

You gulped before speaking, making sure your next words were the right ones. “How do you know I’m not supposed to be?”

He turned his head to look over his shoulder at you, his gaze piercing through your soul. He hitched up a perfectly arched brow, “You aren’t a frat boy are you?”

You were taken aback and shook your head rapidly, stuttering out a response. “N-No…”

He moved his head forward, disregarding you and snickered. “Didn’t think so. The top levels and the backyard are off limits unless you’re part of the frat.”

That made sense as to why no one was out here, but why didn’t they lock the doors? Did they trust no one would come out here? Even when drunk? 

The functions of the NCT frat house dazed you, never truly knowing how everything worked.

You took more careful steps until you reached him, your shoulder a few inches away from his own, the both of you looking forward. You briefly glanced at him, at the side of his face when you asked your next question. “Then why are you out here?”

He chuckles lowly and moves slightly, his gaze is one that mocks, but there was some mirth that twinkled.

You look down at the floor in recognition. “O-Oh…”

He was part of the frat, of course he was. Another gorgeous boy amongst others. He would be permitted outside and at all parties without any invitation. He could dissipate and reappear as he pleased, although it still threw you off. He didn’t truly seem like the person to commit to something, being all too free-spirited and not open to take orders. However, he still was very much in frat and you meditated on what type of position he held, if he had more authority than what he was letting on.

He spins on his heels, refusing to indulge further in a conversation. His hands are still placed in his front pocket as he strides by, not bearing to glimpse at you in his departure. “Next time don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms.”

You stand unmoving, considering his words and the underlying meaning, maybe there would be a next time, although the sensibility comes back once you take note that he is leaving once more. 

“Wait!” You yell, partially taking large strides to catch up to him in your pumps as he stands still, indeed waiting for you. You reach him, deciding against touching his shoulder for fear of the untold. “What’s your name?”

You had to know the name of the handsome boy to settle some part of your heart.

He looks at you this time, really looks at you, as your gazes are interlocked. “You’ll have to earn it, sweetheart.” He reaches his hand out to touch your chin, his soft touch making your eyelids flutter close. He slightly jerks you forward, your eyes opening as his breath fans over your lips. “Not many have the privilege of having my name come out their mouth.” He drops his hand, stepping back to truly depart.

You stay rooted to your spot. He called you another nickname, the butterflies fluttering in your chest at the sound of it escaping his lips. He truly did have an unwanted effect no matter how much you could refuse to acknowledge it.

Before his hand touches the silver handle of the door to go back inside, you call out to him once more.

“Will I at least see you around?” You were hopeful that you would and could.

“Who knows? You’ll just have to wait and see.” He replies ominously and then he grabs the handle, turning it downward to open the door while he steps inside. The door closes on his bright figure as you are left in the backyard by yourself, left with more hope than you had in a long time.

Yes, he was imitating and impersonal , even so he made you coxy all over. You wanted to see him again, you wanted something more. You yearned for it, and standing there observing the closed door, for nothing at all, you had to figure how you could achieve it, that is until you recalled who you were waiting for previously until he had swept your attention away—Nicole.

She had probably already arrived back at the kitchen, losing her head over where you ran off to without any warning. She did have a big imagination, thinking of the worse, nevertheless she could be practical as well, though in this situation at a party, with strange people, the latter wouldn’t sit quite right.

You rushed forward, opening the door with the bang and got lost in the bodies around you. You pushed through with hurried steps, not bothering to apologize as they would either be too drunk to realize or didn’t care after being crushed up against others.

You were finally able to reach the kitchen after much effort, staggering your way forward at the sight of Nicole’s gold satin A-line dress.

She saw you first and the relief that came across her face made you feel guilty for going off on your own.

“Oh thank goodness,” she said, wrapping her hands around your body in order to give you a hug. You wrapped your own hands around her waist to return the gesture. She sighed and let her hands drop, holding you at arm’s length when she moved back.

“I didn’t mean to worry you. I hope I wasn’t gone too long,” you uttered, twiddling with your fingers.

She pats your arm. “I know you didn’t, still wouldn’t stop me. You were only gone for a few minutes when I got back, which isn’t all too bad.”

You hummed, glad everything worked out, that is until she asked the dreaded question.

“Where were you though?” She added with a pointed gaze, her worry and frustration having already faded, only curiosity lingered. “You know you aren’t supposed to go running off anyways.”

“Ah sorry, sorry. I thought I saw Mark, but when I went after him…well it wasn’t Mark.” You let out a nervous giggle, stepping away to sit down on the chair while she remained standing.

Her eyes zoned in on your face before she gave you a once over to see if anything had changed with your appearance. “Mhm…okay. I reckon that makes sense.”

She was suspicious, yet she didn’t push and you didn’t know what you would have done if she had.

If only she would have known who you were with, someone she indirectly warned against and someone you would see many more times thereafter against your control or hers.

You didn’t think it would be so soon when you saw him again, a few days after the party.

You spotted him on your way to class right after your lunch break. He was sporting a baby blue hoodie with words you couldn’t make out scribbled across the chest, light washed ripped skinny jeans, a blue cap with the words Supreme etched out in white on a red background, and Balenciaga black and white speed sneakers. He had a black leather backpack swung over one shoulder and airpods in his ears.

You had to do a double take when you saw him before you because his outfit was contrary to his natural esoteric aura. You didn’t think he could look so innocent and pure in baby blue.

You didn’t think twice before you jogged forward to meet him, surely not debating possible consequences right then and there.

“Um…hey,” you voiced as you stood side by side with him, walking to wherever he was headed to, when you knew it was the exact opposite of where you were meant to go, however it didn’t matter. They always say the heart wants what it wants.

He took his right airpod out, putting it in the case that dangled from his belt loop. “Oh, it’s you. What do you want?”

Your eyes widened, you didn’t expect him to be so straightforward and shameless. You were still touched that he remembered you, even if his tone seemed the opposite of welcoming.

“Uh…um…I…” you started, not sure what to say or even ask. You didn’t expect to get this far.

He abruptly stopped, turning his whole body to face you. “Well?” He fixes his hat, hoisting it up slightly to peer at you for a split second, his eyes covered by his jet back, long strands of hair, making it difficult to make direct eye contact. “Get on with it.”

You shook your head, rocking back and forth on the heels of your sneakers. “Sorry, I just wanted to ask if you um…” You paused, peeking at him then at the gray concrete, racking your brain for something, anything. “Wanted to get coffee sometime?”

Some instances passed, no word mentioned by him and you knew that the silence meant you weren’t going to be so lucky. He rejected you—your offer and you had to live with that, your not so discreet attempt at scoring a date.

Until he thunderstrucks you.

He tilts his head and shrugs his shoulders, answering with a firm, “Sure.”

You were positive you hadn’t heard him right. There was no way he agreed to get coffee. You knew you had set yourself for rejection, nonetheless he proved you wrong. Somewhere deep down maybe you had a chance.

“Oh…um…okay then. Should I get your number then?” You couldn’t see his eyes, despite that you knew the intensity they held, some sort of judgment at your boldness. You stuttered, “Y-You know s-o we can s-set a t-time and p-place.”

He shook his head, taking his airpod out of the case and placing it in his ear again. He leaned forward, his face inches away from yours and whispered in your ear, “No, you have to earn that too, sweetheart.”

Your eyes flutter at the proximity and his special nickname that he now began to use. You worry that he can hear the loud pounding of your heart from how near he was.

He backs away and strides forward, not before stating an answer to your unsaid question. “Meet me at the café on Second Street and Thorn at 2:30pm sharp, this Friday. It’s the only chance you get, sweetheart so take it or leave it.”

Then he’s off, leaving you to comprehend what fully happened in a few short minutes. He agreed to coffee and set a date so rapidly, the thought of not having his number leaving your mind. You were finally one step closer to discovering who he truly was and it took a small leap, one he returned in his own way.

You were giddy when you spun in the other direction to get to your last class for the day, nearly skipping on your way there and your happiness would continue till the end of the week, when the desirable day arrived.

In fact, Mark and Nicole noticed your more than cheerful mood, glad that not everything in your life wasn’t as shitty as they perceived it to be because college was more often than none dreadful at times with constant work, some of which were surely questionable. Yet they didn’t complain because your happiness meant theirs too, even if they didn’t know the cause and you hoped you could keep it that way. You weren’t prepared to see the outcomes if they found out it was a he, Mark’s very own frat brother that was to blame for the shift in your mood.

Friday came around in record’s time and when you exited your third class for the day, on your way to the designated café during your lunch break, you weren’t all that tense. Sure, you pondered on what would happen and if he would leave you hanging as you strolled through the doors, nonetheless you could be with him and it was all that mattered.

He didn’t set you up for devastation once the bell above the café doors rung because as soon as you got through the entrance you saw him huddled up at the table in the corner of the room. His head was down as he was scrolling through his cell phone absentmindedly, his bright red high top Converse contrasting the black and white tiled floor. He had on a classic black leather jacket that was thrown over a red, blue, and white checkered flannel with a white GUESS t-shirt underneath, which wasn’t tucked into his loose blue jeans.

A style he pulled off so effortlessly.

He peered up when you were heading his way and pocketed his cell phone in his jeans.

“Hey,” you commented, sliding into the wooden chair opposite of him.

He nodded his head, not selecting to give a verbal response of greeting. “I assume you haven’t eaten lunch yet. We can get you something to eat and a coffee too if you want. Though I am not sure if you want to drink that in the middle of the day.”

“Um…yeah, sure. It’s my lunch break right now so I haven’t eaten anything.”

“Good,” he stated and pushed his chair back to stand up, not waiting for you as he strolled to the front counter. He was quick on his feet and seemed to be one to leave people in the dust.

His eyes were flitting left and right to inspect the menu. He didn’t spare you a regard when you were shoulder to shoulder.

“What do you want?”

You squinted at the menu looking at the drinks section and at the food they offered. They had a wide selection, very beneficial for a café and your hunger that needed to be sufficed.

“Uh…a small iced coffee with a caramel swirl and almond milk. Light on the ice and a California club croissant sandwich, no tomatoes please,” you recite to the cashier when they appeared after he asked the question. They nodded their head, typing your order into the screen, then their eyes peered expectedly at the boy next to you.

“A medium iced golden ginger and club sandwich.”

“Okay!” The cashier enthusiastically noted, their fingers typing away. “Your total will come out to $21.77. Cash or credit?”

You scrabbled to take your cell phone out your back pocket, seeing the opportunity to pay first, since you technically invited him out, he only accepted your invitation.

Just when you were able to raise your device to the scanner, he placed his platinum credit card on the counter, sliding it over to the cashier.

“I’ll pay,” he announced as the cashier swiped his card and handed it back to him moments after. You nodded your head slowly, putting your phone back in your pocket, and slightly slouching your shoulders in defeat.

“Here’s your receipt,” the cashier declared, holding out the white gloss paper over to your companion. He took it swiftly from their grasp and crumbled the paper into his front pocket.

“We’ll have your order out momentarily,” they smiled sweetly before turning away to prepare your drinks and food.

He walked away from the counter and back to the spot hidden away from view. You both sat down and he propped his leg on the empty chair next to you.

“So…” you trailed, clasping your hands together on the wooden table. You focused on him and he stared right back, the zeal so very hard to bear. “What’s your major?”

“Neuroscience.”

The shock surely mirrored in your face. 

He was a science major? 

Anything in relation to science would be at the bottom of the list for a career he would pursue, you would think, because he appeared to be anything but. Despite your assumptions, he indubitably had surprises up his sleeve.

“W-What? You major in biological and biomedical science?”

“Yes,” he leans forward with a tilt of his head, placing his own hands on the table. “Let me fathom, I don’t seem like a science major?”

You shake your head. “Y-Yes…No…I mean I truthfully thought you were an art major, specifically in fashion design or something of the alike.”

He presses on, “Why is that?”

“Well…I don’t know. A hunch I guess,” you shrug your shoulders, not knowing what you were truly getting at. “You just strike me as a very creative person with a great sense of style. You even wore something customized the other day. I am sure you did that yourself.”

He leans back, crossing his arms in his chair. “You aren’t wrong. I like art, but more as a hobby and I happen to have natural fashion taste. Customizing clothes and shoes is just a pastime.”

You nod your head slowly. Not everything is as it seems. “Oh…well, it still holds true in some regard.”

“Indeed,” he murmurs.

You both get interrupted at the arrival of your food and drinks. The young girl serves the plates and drinks, a kind beam etched onto her face. Her gaze lingers too long on him when she asks if anything else is needed before she trudges away and he would be a fool not to notice. He disregards it, however, opting to ignore. You wished you could remain as neutral as he was, still the green, ugly monster couldn’t help but claw in your being.

While you were going to continue to ask him questions to get to know him better, you decided against it. Maybe after you finished your meal so you ate in silence, the occasional slurp and chewing sounds filling the quietness, regardless of those that came and went into the café.

He wipes his mouth clean with his spare napkin once he finishes eating, crumbling it up in a ball when he’s done. “Your major, what is it?”

You look up, in the midst of sipping the last droplets of your iced coffee and give him a small smile. “I’m a psychology major.”

“Ah,” he says, pushing his plate forward to the center of the table.

You thought he would add on, but he doesn’t and you decide to further the conversation.

“I know you already told me a hobby of yours, any more you have though?”

“I compose music,” he shrugs, raising his arms in the air to stretch. “I cook too.” His arms lower and he rests them on the empty chair to his right. You knew he wouldn’t ask you about your own hobbies as he seemed to like being on the receiving end and didn’t seem all too interested in you, when you wanted to know everything in contrast.

You decide to speak up for yourself, to permit him to know some things about you too. “Well I like to bake and I do some graphic design on the side.”

He nods his head for the unkempt time that day. You wished he would talk more than use actions. His voice was all more soothing to listen to.

“How about—”

You are cut off by a ding sounding from his cell as he checks the screen that illuminates with a notification. He stands up abruptly, his cell phone held tightly in his grasp.

“I have to go. I’ll see you around…” He pauses peering down at your furrowed brows. “We should do this again sometime.”

Did he say that correctly?

You were sure this “date” was more boring rather than entertaining.

Your eyes furrow even more as you’re amazed at his open admittance to another so-called gathering between the two of you. You were going to ask yourself, but he beat you to it.

“Sure,” you replied with a kind smile. “I’d like that.”

His head movement is slight and you notice his agreeance. He steps away from the table and your hand reaches out to catch onto the cool leather of his jacket before you can stop yourself.

He eyeballs you expectantly, wondering why you had stopped him.

“Does that mean I can get your number?” you question with a tilt of your head.

He chuckles lowly at your shamelessness. “I suppose you earned it, sweetheart.”

He takes his cell phone out of his pocket, handing it over to you in order to put in all your contact information while you take out your own device from your pocket to give to him. You take his cell from his grasp and type away your first name along with your phone number. Once the electronics are returned to their respectful owners, you glance down at the name he put into his phone, holding onto the fact that it could very much be his real name, except it wasn’t. He had named himself “NCT 1,” and you had to roll your eyes from the name of choice.

You slightly giggle and you can see the ghost of a smile on his face when he went his way towards the exit. The bell dings when he’s gone and as you look at his retreating figure in the huge glass window, a smile twitches on your face, one so very wide.

Your little lunch “date” went better than expected and it was one of many for more to come, serving as the much needed catalyst. Over the next couple of weeks, you would text with the boy whose name wasn’t disclosed and bask in his presence over the semi-dates you had with each other, ranging from ones at the same café for lunch or ones late at night in the library. They varied and whenever you met up, there was a sparkle in your eyes and a lightness in your chest. You were able to get to know him more and more, to truly understand him, to get to see what laid beyond the surface of his façade. He was more than what meets the eye, even if he seemed to deflect his fair share of personal information, you still had gotten closer. He wouldn’t have asked to meet up so often if you hadn’t liked the company and you wouldn’t have agreed if you thought he was a waste of time.

The only aspect that was frustrating was his refusal to share his name or even give a hint at what it could be. He would deflect, saying it didn’t matter and all that did was the moments with each other, yet his reassurance did little to suppress your ever growing curiosity. However, he had eventually cracked at your most recent study date.

“It’s Lee…Lee Taeyong,” he proclaimed randomly when you were scribbling down notes and he was reading a passage for his assigned reading in the dim corner of the library at nearly ten past eleven at night. The sound of the tick-tock filling the void of silence.

“Huh?” you asked, placing your pen down on the table and glancing up at him, head tilted, forehead wrinkled.

“My name,” he cleared his throat, locking eyes with you. “My name is Lee Taeyong.”

You had gotten a name that night to attach to the gorgeous boy you now knew more than ever about and his name was as equally captivating as himself.

Although contrary to your meetups, you rarely saw him around campus and if you did so happen to see him, he always seemed to be with a fellow frat brother, refusing to acknowledge you if you looked his way. It was odd in contrast to how he acted when you two were alone, and somehow you understood where he was coming from. You wouldn’t want to be caught either with him. Too many questions to deal with after, too much judgment and disappointment.

Despite that fear hidden in the back of your mind, he unknowingly made you happy, beyond content for a reason that was too hard to explain and too obvious to those around you.

Mark and Nicole knew something was up, but never lodged on the matter, regarding that joy could be found anywhere and in anything. Yet, you weren’t as subtle with your dashing off or disappearing for long periods of time when the meet ups became more frequent. They would eventually catch on, although you would remain blinded by the manufactured bubble of joy that was created.

So your then high became a low.

You blame Mark, but at the same time you don’t because you knew you had to be cautious. 

He invited you that week for a small get together at his frat house, nothing grand like the parties they hosted nearly every two weeks on a Friday. No, this gathering would be for close friends and companions, just for some lighthearted fun, to serve as a destresser before the hell weeks would start in December. It was a Thanksgiving celebration of sorts, a Friendsgiving where you would come together and strengthen your bonds with each other, regardless of how much you knew of the others who would join. 

He invited you and Nicole like he always did with any event that revolved around his fraternity or partying in general. You thought it would be nice to come, to spend some quality time with your best friends that you felt you hadn’t seen in forever, too preoccupied with Taeyong to have some time with them. He was far from your mind when Mark extended the invitation and you wished your common sense would have kicked in earlier, before the small party began, because he was in fact part of the fraternity and would very much be there.

You shouldn’t have been shocked when you saw him right when you ambled into the house with Mark and Nicole in tow. He was chatting with Johnny, the tall boy you hadn’t seen in so long ever since that encounter months ago. He held a champagne glass in one hand while the other was tucked into his black jeans. He had his signature chains intertwined in the belt loops with a light lavender turtleneck, that had a graphic design in blue of a person’s lower face in the center of the chest, tucked into his jeans, and a black and white tweed blazer thrown over the top. His shiny, black dress shoes completed the outfit as he was surely one of the best dressed by far. Even if the event was semi-formal and everyone you saw littering around in the entryway were classy, yet simple in their approaches, he managed to catch your eye right away.

“Ah, if it isn’t little Lee arriving right on time!” Johnny yells out, striding over in big steps to where the three of you stood by the entrance.

Mark rolls his eyes at the nickname, but goes in for a half handshake and hug. “Hey at least I made it and also it isn’t little Lee anymore, remember? If anything I am the middle Lee.” 

“Still won’t stop me from calling you little Lee, little Lee.” Johnny slaps him on the shoulder, his laughter echoing. “I see you brought two stunning ladies in tow too.” He directs his attention to you and Nicole, not bothering to conceal the fact that he was blatantly checking the both of you out.

“Looks like we meet again, gorgeous,” Johnny states, reaching for your hand and giving a light kiss to the skin, a wink thrown after you retract your hand.

You don’t stop yourself from rolling your eyes. “Hi Johnny,” you mutter with a sickly gratifying smile plastered across your face.

He laughs once more as his eyes then trail to Nicole who stands unfazed and slightly bored at the appearance of Johnny.

“Well I don’t think we’ve met before. I would have remembered a face like yours, someone so absolutely breathtaking,” he cheekily vocalizes.

It is now Nicole’s turn to roll her eyes and she takes steps to get nearer to Johnny, his eyebrows shooting up at her boldness, but then a smirk rests on his face.

She reaches out her hand and pats him on the chest before he gets the chance to kiss her hand. “Save the flirting for someone else, will you mate? For someone you at least have a chance with because it ain’t me honey,” she drawls, stepping away to go further inside the house, waving her hand in the air as a farewell.

Mark and you stifle back laughter at her shamelessness. She sure was something, you would admit.

“Fuck you guys,” Johnny remarks, flipping both you and Mark off, yet you could see the ghost of a smile on his lips as he retreats after Nicole.

“She’s something, huh?” Someone says, taking the thoughts right out of your head.

“Yeah,” you respond, wiping your finger under your eyes from how hilarious that scene played out. “She sure is.”

And that is when you pause in realization. You knew that voice.

You turn around to come face to face with an all too familiar boy—Lee Taeyong.

You chuckled timidly, fumbling with your fingers as you fix your gaze on him. His eyebrow is arched and when he takes a sip of his champagne you can see his smile reflected in the glass.

“Oh!” Mark exclaims, putting his arm around your shoulder, an action that makes Taeyong’s eyes harden in the smallest way, or maybe you were imagining it. “I don’t think you guys have been introduced to each other before. This is Taeyong angel, and Taeyong this is—”

Taeyong doesn’t let Mark finish, muttering out a stern, “I know who she is Mark, I’ve seen her around with you before.”

“Oh,” Mark lets out, his enthusiastic self diminishing. “That makes sense.”

Taeyong nods and lifts his glass in your direction, his eyes refusing to make contact for more than a second. “Nice to meet you.”

You mumble back with a slight frown you desperately try to hide. You conjectured why he was acting so cold. “You too.”

“Okay, anyways…” Mark trails off looking between the two of you, trying to figure out if something was up. “I am going to get a drink. You ready, angel?” He asks you when he peers at the side of your face.

You give Mark a small smile, nodding your head. “Yeah, but…um I have to use the restroom first.”

Though before you could depart, someone else makes an appearance, someone you forgot about and would make matters much more complicated than they need to be.

“Yo Mark! They need help with the drinks in the back,” he yells walking into the room, jabbing his finger behind him. “They apparently stocked up on their orders of alcohol so it’s a lot.” 

You glance at the entrance when you hear his voice and your heart stops in your chest. 

What the hell was Lee Jeno doing here?

Mark’s arm drops from your shoulder, giving a roll of his eyes. “Of course they fucking did. I'll be right there.” He doesn’t spare Jeno another glance and neither do you, desperately trying to conceal yourself from his line of sight. Mark regards you with kind eyes, knowing you had questions he would answer at a more convenient time about why Jeno was here. He continues on from before he was interrupted. “You know where the restroom is right?”

Your eyes can’t help but flit to where Jeno stood, trying to see if he left, but when you look over Mark’s shoulder, you see him patiently waiting for the older boy and his eyes are already staring right at you. You gulp, turning back to look at Mark. “Yes, I do,” you step away from him, not spearing another glance at Taeyong or Jeno as you get lost down the hall towards the bathroom. 

Although you do manage to see the way everyone’s eyes follow your figure and the way Jeno had slightly placed his foot forward, debating to follow after you or not, yet he retreats to follow after Mark instead to help in the back.

You didn’t really have to go to the restroom, you just wanted to get away from the suffocating room with the three boys, for the dread that your secrets would get revealed if you weren’t cautious.

You hear the footsteps before you see him and you just knew there was a chance he would be the one to follow you.

You don’t have to turn around to confirm your suspicions, wrapping your arms around your body.

“What was that?” he questions lowly.

You groan. “What do you mean what was that? You were the one acting all cold.”

His hand reaches out to hold your upper arm, turning you to face him, except you don’t, opting to check out the floor.

“I was so-called cold,” he makes quotation marks once his hand drops. “Because you refused to acknowledge me. Do I also have to mention the way I saw you look at Jeno? Don’t think I didn’t see it sweetheart, because I did and I’m sure anyone else with two eyes could see it too.”

You shake your head, scoffing at his bluntness. “Oh, of course you would point that out, but it isn’t that deep. Don’t let jealousy cloud your vision, Yong,” you drawl and you see the way his eyes go dark. “It isn’t me you should be concerned about, when you were acting all high and mighty way before.”

He stays silent because he knew you were right, yet it does little to lessen his hard stare. “Listen you know we can’t be seen together or seen as if we know each other, it will raise too many questions.” You placed your hand on his bicep, his previous declaration about Jeno not holding any importance. Your eyes become so round and wide that he can feel his heart slightly crack. “I don’t want any of them to be upset at me or question my sensibility.”

He pursues his lips, “I understand that, sweetheart. Don’t worry, I understand and I apologize for the way I acted. I apologize for acting like an ass.” His attention moved to the floor, his strands of hair falling over his face and you let out a small giggle from his candor. 

You maneuver your hand to cup his cheek, rubbing his cheek. “It’s okay, I forgive you.”

The moment lasts for the shortest while all due to Mark’s loud voice calling your name.

“Shit,” you muttered, dropping your hand. “He can’t see you.” You push Taeyong in the direction further down the hallway, that you hoped would lead somewhere away from where Mark would reach in a few more steps.

Taeyong doesn’t utter a word and paces down the hall without so much as a goodbye, just in time when Mark squints his eyes to make out your figure, but he wasn’t looking at you, rather behind you.

He caught sight of Taeyong and you were doomed.

“Angel…” he trails off, his eyes still squinted in scrutiny. “Why were you with Taeyong?”

“W-What?” You stutter in response, swearing at yourself internally at the fact that you gave it away in just one word. Mark knew you were hiding something whenever you stumbled over your words.

“You heard me, why were you with Taeyong?”

The way he was saying the boy’s name and the implications in his pitch of voice stirred something inside of you. You needed to defend him more than yourself.

“Why can’t I?” 

He regards you with somber eyes and reaches forward to take your hand. “Angel...”

You step away from him, tucking your hands into your body. “No, answer me.”

He is startled at your seriousness and evident protest. You were never one to turn away from him.

“He’s just…” he pauses, struggling to find the right words, ones that wouldn’t destroy you. He decides against finishing his sentence, choosing the all too familiar words. “Be careful. Just be careful, angel.”

Your brows furrow and that is when you lose it.

“Be careful,” you scoff, letting your hands free from around your body. “Everyone says that. Be careful. Be careful, but of what?” You throw your hands up in the air, frustration seeping in your voice. “What do I have to be careful of Mark?”

Mark visibly winces at the sound of his name coming from your lips, you never called him that, not since you first met those fateful years ago. You called him Markie and always Markie, which is how he knew you were truly upset. 

“Tell me. For goodness sake tell me! He’s just a boy like the rest of you in this forsaken frat house of yours. So why, oh why, can’t I be seen with him!?”

You pace back and forth, clenching and unclenching your fists, trying to keep composure that you lost at the start.

Mark heaves a sigh, he knew where you were coming from, it was all too common and seeing you in this predicament made him ache more than you’ll ever know.

He whispers his next words carefully, scared at what your answer could mean when he asked. “You like him don’t you?” His eyes flickering close for the merest moment in wait. 

You resemble someone who’s deepest, darkest secret just got exposed after trying so hard to cover the tracks when he peered at you.

“I never said that.” Your clenched hands relaxed as you now nervously fiddled with your fingers.

“No and you don’t need to, but it isn’t hard to tell. I saw the way you looked at him when we came inside. After all, actions speak louder than words.”

Silence. 

The tick-tock of the clock somewhere in the hall, decreasing. 

The laughs and chatters of those in the other rooms, muffled. 

All that was heard were the steady breaths of you and Mark.

Mark disturbs the quietude first. “Angel I—”

You rapidly shake your head. “Mark…stop,” you whisper and he closes his mouth before he can finish. “Don’t try to make me feel guilty. If I like him I do, and if I don’t then you don’t have to worry. Just let me figure out things on my own.” 

You lock eyes with him, the tears prickling the corner of your eye as you stride forward. “Please…just please….let me live once on my own terms rather than your own.” You don’t lay your eyes on him again after your last words are spoken, you simply trudge away, leaving two boys who held pieces of your heart in different ways.

You couldn’t help but ponder over the words of Mark as you were plodding to the exit of the house, no longer wishing to stay because of the mess that was created all within less than an hour.

Twisting open the door and letting it shut close, believing that no one saw you leave, you were encompassed in the night. The twinkling stars overhead and the white glow of the moon shining down, the fluorescent lights of the house adding to brightness. 

Peeping at the sky, everything flooded your mind at once. 

Were you really starting to fall like Mark said? Was it really that obvious? That you had caught feelings for a boy that seemed to be off limits and that you were warned about?

Did you truly like Lee Taeyong?

Those were the questions floating around, all that you couldn’t answer because you knew you wouldn’t like the result. 

You were never good at feelings or admittance of faults, you choose to ignore them, but this was one of those times you couldn’t entirely push them aside because they meant something more. They were unlike anything ever felt and you never truly liked mystery, no matter if it drew you in. You had to figure out what was different and if it was worth the risk to take.

You didn’t necessarily find out the answers to the questions that plagued your mind when your next friendly date came around with Taeyong, this one unlike the others before, being on a Friday after classes and at a cute ice cream parlor you had found one day, nestled between a bookshop and the farmer’s mart. 

All the bad blood between you from last Friday had diminished into nothing, you forgave and forgot as he did as well. That was the only argument you ever truly had ever since your friendship blossomed, the last one you would ever encounter if you were lucky.

Stepping inside and finding a seat while Taeyong got the ice cream after asking for your order, you clasped your hands together tightly, your knuckles turning white. 

You knew what you had to do today, before your outing ended and Taeyong left till the next time you would see him. Three words that had the ability to bring people together or tear them apart.

He scraped the chair across the tile, startling you as he sat down and placed a cup of cookie dough ice cream down along with a green tea flavored one. He took the latter for himself, and pushed the other cup in your direction, the small pink spoon poking out.

“Bon appetit,” he exclaims and takes a large spoonful of his ice cream while you leave your dessert unscathed. You suddenly lost your appetite, dreading what would come.

“Hey,” he says, tapping his index finger on your hand, the cool metal of his ring causing you to shiver. “What’s wrong?”

He takes his hand back and places it on the table. You always noticed how he never initiated skinship or desired to touch like you wished him to do. If anything his touch would only linger for a few seconds, whether it be a pat on the hand or a palm on your shoulder, nothing too grand that had to bear on for eternity. 

You cleared your throat, not maintaining eye contact with him any more.. “I have to tell you something…”

He hummed in response as an indicator to keep you going.

“It’s frankly frightening for me to admit and I have no idea if you feel the same, but I just have to tell you. To get this weight off my chest, even if I am setting myself up for the worst,” you stop and reach your hand over the table to place it on top of his, being bold with disregard to your observations. You don’t even notice the way he slightly flinches, but he doesn’t pull away.

“I guess over our time of getting to know each other, something further stirred in my chest. In fact it was already there but it was more profound once I got to know the type of person you are—someone who isn’t so esoteric or unexpressive. Someone who indeed has a fragile, yet caring heart and maybe it took a slap in the face to notice, but…Yong…”

Your thumb caressed his skin as you peered at him with so very gentle eyes and his own remained stoic.

You took a deep breath—make or break. “I like you.”

He retracted his hand so briskly, it was if he had gotten burned. He rubbed at his hand, where your touch still lingered. He shakes his head rapidly, “No…No…No. You can’t…”

This is the first time he ever denied to make eye contact with you and you felt your heart shatter both at his words as well as actions.

Rejection.

You should have expected this, but your all too positive outlook on life was your downfall.

You croaked out, “What do you mean you can’t?”

You deserved some sort of explanation, he couldn’t leave you hanging.

He turned his head to finally see you and you could make out the coherent regret in his eyes, with an ounce of pity. You didn’t want pity, you wanted understanding.

“Baby…” You cower back at the affectionate name, his hands holding onto each other so tightly you could only see white. He repeats himself again, the internal battle he was having with himself unknown to you. “Baby, I’m afraid to fall in love. ‘Cause what if it’s not reciprocated?”

Another crack and a few more you would be gone, submerging yourself in tears of regret.

“B-But it is. Can’t you see? I like you and you—”

He cuts you off, standing up from his chair abruptly, the sound catching the attention of those that sat at the tables near you.

“No,” he shakes his head one more, this time calmer than the last. “No, there’s a difference. You’re infatuated with me. You just like the idea of me so don’t call me your lover, don’t tell me you have feelings for me, when you don’t even love me.”

His words were an arrow to the heart.

How could he possibly know your feelings when he couldn’t even tell his own?

His warning echoes in your ears when he leaves, the slam of the door scaring those inside the parlor but you remain unfazed. This was more than rejection, it was a declaration, a calling for lonely souls that would never find love.

After all, they say all good things come to an end and after you were sparked with a surge of boldness to confess, Lee Taeyong walked away from you, when you thought he would be by your side.

He forgets about you that day and if only it was easy to forget about him.

You weren’t as good as hiding things as you thought you were because your somber mood could be seen for miles. Mark had an idea of why you were so upset, after all he seemed to know every detail when it came to your nonexistent love life, especially since he saw Taeyong nearly every day. On the other hand, Nicole had no idea since she didn’t know Taeyong and you never told her, but she had a hunch it had to do with a boy. Whenever you were down, even in high school, it always had to be because of a boy who wasn’t worth your time as she always reminded you.

You don’t know how much time had passed since your last encounter with Taeyong, since that last fateful day. Time either went by faster or slower whenever you were sad, though more often than none it was the latter. Despite everything you still found yourself meeting up with your best friends and staying on top of your classes, pushing aside any invitations you received for a frat or sorority party when you knew you had the potential to see him there. You knew you would crumble if you did and that weakness was one you weren’t quite ready to share.

So it was Wednesday of the however many days had gone and when you were poking at your salad, refusing to eat more than a few leaves, that Mark speaks up inside the cafeteria, at your usual meet up. Only small remarks were ever made at those now, they knew you weren’t in the right state of mind to talk, but he does so anyways. 

“Angel, I’m sorry.”

His words burn a hole through your heart, of course he was, he was the one that said to be careful—him and Nicole.

“I don’t want to hear it,” you mutter angrily and swipe your backpack off the chair with your books in hand, your tray with you unfinished food in the other. You stand up and leave the cafeteria so fast it takes a while for Nicole and Mark to truly comprehend yet they don’t come after you. Some friends they could be

You dump your leftover meal into the trashcan and place the tray on the top of the metal your way out. You were more frustrated and pissed off than anything else. Today was clearly not your day, it hasn’t been in such a long time and it was why you decided to skip your last class for the day even if it would bite you back in the ass.

You had no problem getting into your car and speeding down the highway to your apartment, too gone when you arrived at your complex. You wanted to take a long awaited nap and maybe cry yourself to sleep to get rid of the icky feelings you had all over.

You stagger your way through the door after pushing it open and down the narrow hall to your bedroom. You don’t bother to change out of your school clothes, choosing to just kick off your Vans before you crash face forward into your soft mattress. Just when you are about to close your eyes you hear a knock at your door.

You hoick your head up with a groan. 

Who the fuck would be here right now?

You have no choice but to get your lazy and gloomy ass out of bed to answer the door, not prepared to see who is on the other side of the wooden frame.

You open the door to none other than Lee fucking Taeyong, in all his glory, with his smooth parted hair that fell over his forehead and his so very gorgeous face. His stylish outfit was more dressed down than ever with a simple blue Gucci hoodie, baggy blue jeans that were cuffed at the ankles, and some simple white sneakers. Yet, he looked the exact same as he did that day, no ounce of any toll the event had taken on him, but if you inspected closely enough, you could see the bags under his eyes. He hadn’t been getting much sleep and neither had you, something that made you feel a little bit better, that he had his own fair share of pain after what he did to you—the both of you.

“Oh hell,” you muttered immediately, closing the door on his face, but his foot makes contact with the door, stopping you from fully shutting the entryway.

You groan, you determine you would have to deal with him eventually so might as well get it over with. You open the door widely, ushering him in with a dramatic gesture that he has to hold back a laugh from due to your annoyance.

You close the door, locking it shut while you regard him with deadpan eyes. “Okay what the hell are you doing here? No, no…wait. How did you get my apartment number? I never told you.”

The seriousness in your gaze slightly frightens him, he had never seen you look so unlike yourself. Your features were always soft and welcoming, but now they were rough and seemed so lifeless.

He gulps, stuffing his hands in his hoodie pocket, his left leg moving up and down. “I asked Mark where you were…actually no, he called me. He was worried about you and wanted me to check up on you, to resolve what’s going on with us.” He waves a hand between the two of your bodies and you can’t but roll your eyes. He couldn’t even say what the matter was, he had no idea what he did wrong.

When he notices you won’t speak another word, he continues on, “Listen, sweetheart.” He notices your wince at the all too nostalgic nickname, still continuing on. “Mark cares about you, he really does and you shouldn’t ignore him. You shouldn’t push him or Nicole away…please don’t for my sake at least.”

You scoff, crossing your hands over your chest, “You’re one to talk.”

“Trust me I know but—“

You cut him off, eyes zoning in on his face, diverting the conversation another way. You still didn’t know why he truly came. “What are you doing here Taeyong?”

“I already told you—“

“No,” you cut him off once more, eyes narrowing even further, “Why are you really here and don’t say for Mark or Nicole. Why did you decide to come?”

He stutters, you never saw him stutter. He was always calm and collected, so sure of himself. “I-I just really wanted to see you…I missed you.”

Those mere words are when you burst.

“You can’t say that! You can’t. You ghosted me for days, for weeks, I don’t know how long it has been. I reached out to your friends, your fellow frat brothers to ask where you were and they always deflected, saying you were too busy with assignments, with everything else going on in your life, especially finals coming up. But I could see it in their eyes, Taeyong.”

He winces at his full name. You always opted to call him Yong or any other variation of his name, but not Taeyong.

“I could tell they were lying to me. You weren’t as busy as they said. In fact you know…” You turn your attention away to look at the clock in the kitchen. “I saw you the other day when I came out of the library. It was already dark out and you know,” you could feel your tears slipping out and the look of absolute guilt plagues his face. He never wanted you to cry because of him.  “Someone was with you, a boy, a girl, a frat brother, I don’t know, but you had this smile on your face that I could see for miles. You never smiled at me like that before and I knew in some small way that you were doing well, while I was over here beating myself about everything revolving around my stupid confession. So you know what? Don’t say you miss me when you don’t really mean it. Don’t give me too many words, too many excuses and not enough love…just…” you choke on your words, breaking down, piece by piece. “Get out.”

He looks destroyed at your last words and reaches out his hand, “I—”

You turn your body away from him, cowering into yourself.

He releases a sigh, he knew you wouldn’t budge. “Okay, okay. I’ll go.”

So he leaves, going out the front door and withdrawing from your life once more. You only wish he fought back and didn’t surrender to defeat.

But it isn’t even twenty-four hours later when Lee Taeyong comes knocking at your door another time, on your way out for your morning class for the day. He rushes in with messy bed hair, a striped black and red long sleeve shirt, baggy black jeans, and some brown Converse.

He came back for you after all and it touched your heart, mending some pieces that were broken from his own faults, even when the rest of your soul wanted you to stay mad at him.

He places his hands on your shoulder, directing your eye contact solely to him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, sweetheart for what I said and how I acted. It was never my intention to harm you, but I was scared of the feelings that you voiced, the ones I wasn’t sure if I could return so I ran away from it, from you, leaving you in pain because I couldn’t admit anything to myself. I apologize and I hope you can find it within yourself to forgive me.”

You could tell the sincerity in his words, how he was speaking from his heart rather than his mind. He truly was sorry and you both knew you would be all right even with a bump like this in the road. It was inevitable, everyone fought, for stupid or valid reasons, an aspect part of the cycle of life, but you could overcome that obstacle as would he. 

You took Taeyong’s hand into your own, a smile on your face, one that made him release a sigh that you weren’t mad. “I get it, Yongie. I get it and I forgive you. You did hurt me, I admit, but hey what’s life without a little woe?”

He lightly laughs and squeezes your hand, the relief noticeable in his face. “Thank you.”

“But it still doesn’t bypass the fact that I caused you distress too and I apologize for that as well. We offended each other unintentionally, but I am glad we are somewhat okay.”

He steps back from you, his hands covered by his long sleeves. “I sure hope so, but sweetheart?”

You hum.

“I can’t return your feelings. I can’t, no matter how much you want me to.”

You nod your head, your smile now sad. “It’s okay. I might want something more, but you can’t give that and it’s okay. To be in love is both a blessing and a curse. I’ll just have to live with it and learn to get over it. You can’t have control over who you fall in love with.”

“I wish I could,” he mutters.

You shake your head, “You can’t change what’s meant to be.”

His regretful eyes lock onto you when he ushers his hand out, if not lovers then there was something even equally or more so valuable. “Friends?”

You latch your hand onto his, “Friends.”

Then all is well with Lee Taeyong as you go back to your usual routine, hanging out on select days, whenever you both were free, but with the end of the December having rolled around you saw less and less of him. You were both busy with taking your finals, but he had more on his plate being a third year. It was hard to set aside time to go out or even text as he became drowned in his ever increasing workload.

You suppose that should have served as a warner because then everything goes downhill like the rollercoaster that explained your life.

Mark is the one that delivers the news at the end of finals week when you all gathered at your apartment for a much needed Disney movie marathon—the trio back again after a much stressful week. You rarely saw each other, too immersed in your studies and wants to receive high marks.

“Thank goodness hell week is over,” Nicole groans, stretching her body on the couch. “I felt like I was going to pass out by the time it was Wednesday.”

“I feel ya, sister,” you murmur, planting yourself down on the floor with a bowl of popcorn in your hands. “I was about to give up.”

Mark rolls his eyes when he sits down next to you, placing the bowl of assorted candy on the floor. “You guys are exaggerating. First year finals aren’t too bad. Just wait till next year.”

Nicole reaches over and whacks the top of Mark’s head as he lets out a whine. “Hey!”

“Shut up, you motherfucker,” she states, sneaking a hand into the popcorn in your grasp. “This isn’t about you.”

“I never said it was.”

“You always complain. Do you ever shut up?”

“Guys!” you yell amidst their argument.

“Why the hell are you attacking me?”

“Why not? It’s fun.”

“Guys!” you yell once more, your voice raising that catches their attention.

Mark sheepishly smiles at you, but not before sending a glare at Nicole, one which she returns. 

“Sorry, angel.”

You roll your eyes playfully at him. “Can we just pick a movie?”

He nods his head and grabs the remote on the glass table, opening Disney Plus and scrolling through the selection of movies.

You hear the chewing of Nicole and the clicking of the remote, filling up the quietness in contrast to the noise that was prevalent before.

You ask a question, meekly, not particularly addressing anyone in the room once Mark lands on a movie suggestion. “Do you know how Taeyong is?”

Nicole’s chewing ceases and Mark looks over at you, still holding onto the remote. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason. I hadn’t seen him since the week before finals. He said he would text me once it was over, but I haven’t received anything and today is the last day before break.”

You see Mark lock eyes with Nicole, them having a silent conversation that you had no clue to decipher. Nicole gives a nod to Mark and your shoulders a reassuring squeeze, allowing Mark to speak up in a whisper. “He didn’t tell you?”

Your eyebrows furrow. “Tell me what?”

He swears under his breath, moving closer to you to grasp your hands. “Angel…he’s leaving.”

You try to tug your hands away, but he won’t let you go. “What do you mean leaving?”

“He’s going to the states for a master’s program at Harvard, he received a full ride to study neuroscience. He finished all his credits early so he was able to graduate this semester instead of in another year like he was supposed to. His flight leaves tomorrow morning. He wanted to get an early start to settle down and everything.”

Mark finally lets go of your hands, giving a squeeze when you pull away. Water was prickling in the corner of your eyes, waiting to be released. “W-What? Y-Your lying. W-Why didn’t he t-tell me?”

Mark tilts his head up, contemplating what to say next when you were readably getting emotional and he didn’t want to wound you further. “I’m not, angel, but I think why he didn’t tell you was because he didn’t want to upset you. You had only gotten close this year and him telling you he was leaving would give you more hurt than he ever would want you to bear, especially considering you both had a tough couple of weeks that placed a stain on your friendship.”

“T-That shouldn’t m-matter b-because doesn’t he know this h-hurts me too? Him leaving w-without saying goodbye?”

You feel the weight of Nicole’s hand on your shoulders once more, rubbing the clothed skin. “You have to know where he’s coming from love. I am sure he has a reason.”

“Yeah, a bullshit one!” you croak out, some tears cascading down your cheeks.

“Hey, angel, hey,” Mark speaks out, resting his hand on your thigh. “Calm down. I can drive you to the airport tomorrow. I know when his flight leaves. How about that? Give him a piece of your mind and a proper goodbye.”

You sniffle, wiping the tears from underneath your eyes. “Y-Yeah…that s-sounds good.”

Mark smiles. “Good. Trust Taeyong to be stupid as fuck sometimes.”

You chuckle at your best friend’s attempt to lighten the mood, resting your head in the crook of his shoulder. “You can say that again.”

The next morning you are all jitters, waking up at six in the morning sharp to drive an hour to the airport, in hopes you would arrive before his flight departs at eight.

Mark had served as a wakeup call, being on facetime as you both got ready. Nicole couldn’t join the two of you for some reason, giving the excuse that she needed to sleep in after her emotional and mental exhaustion from finals. You couldn’t complain, you needed sleep too, but catching Taeyong mattered more.

Mark kept calling you out for your nervousness, your leg moving up and down throughout nearly the whole ride and when he put his hand on your thigh to calm you in some way, you switched to messing with your fingers.

There was more traffic than you realized and Mark drove exceptionally slow to where you arrived at the airport twenty minutes to eight. You rushed between the crowds, Mark hot on your trail as you searched for the correct gate that so happened to be at the opposite end of where you parked.

You glanced at the time on your cell phone, it was now five minutes to eight and your eyes peered over the heads of countless people to look for gate C7.

Then you spotted the neon yellow sign of the gate of where Taeyong would hopefully be. You glanced at the waiting area near the gate, searching for a familiar mop of hair and superb fashion sense, though to no avail, he wasn’t there, until a voice spoke up behind you, one light, yet masculine.

“Sweetheart?”

You didn’t think twice, turning on your heels and latching your arms around his neck. He didn’t flinch away this time, wrapping his arms around your waist to hug you closer.

“You’re an idiot, Lee Taeyong. A dumb fucking idiot,” you mumbled into the crook of his neck, holding back your tears the second day in a row. “You were really going to leave without saying goodbye? Who the fuck does that?”

He loosens his hold on you and puts you at arm's length to properly take a good look at you, wiping his thumb underneath your eye at the stray tear that falls down.

“I know, trust me, I know and I’m sorry. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you that I was leaving…I didn’t want to break your heart a second time.” He gives you a sad and soft smile.

You shake your head, bringing your sleeve up to wipe at your eyes. “That’s a dumb excuse, Yong. I’m only ever yours to break.”

“I wish that wasn’t the case, my love. I don’t think I deserve that right.” 

You interlock your hands together with his, giving him a squeeze with fondness in your gaze. “You deserve everything, Yongie. You deserve the universe.”

He chuckles, letting go. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

Your smile widens as you tear up once more from his words. “Guess fate made us both lucky.”

He nods his head. “Indeed it did.”

You converse further, “I’m proud of you, you know, I’m proud that you’re achieving your goals.”

“Now boarding passengers for flight 6313 to Boston, Massachusetts. Proceed to gate C7.”

His eyes widen at the announcement and he latches his hand onto your wrist to pull you into his chest one more time before he leaves, holding more tightly than he ever did, both of you afraid to let go.

Time ran out.

He whispers with his chin resting on your head and swaying your bodies back and forth, “I am proud of you too, my love.”

He doesn’t cry, but you can sense the sadness exuding off of him at the fact that he truly had to leave you behind when he was wishing he didn’t have to.

He steps back, letting go at once, his smile making you all cozy inside even with stained tears on your cheeks. “Goodbye, sweetheart. Take care of yourself for me. Take care of Mark and the rest of those obnoxious boys.”

You laugh at his use of words and nod your head, the smile on your lips wavering.

“But most importantly, don’t be a stranger,” he winks, grabbing the handle of his luggage and duffle bag as he advances forward to the gate. “Don’t forget about me,” he whispers to himself.

He is mere steps away from going through the gate when he turns his head back, giving you a small wave and you wave right back till he turns around again.

Then you realized you couldn’t leave him like that, with a small conversation, without anything to remember you by in that moment, so you run forward without thought, yelling out, “Wait!”

His eyes are wide with curiosity when he sees you run full speed ahead and you catch the front of his unbuttoned black silk shirt with gold patterns etched into the material, to pull him to a kiss.

You mumble against his lips, “Just love me once,” and he does, kissing you back with so much fervor it makes you dizzy, your heart going haywire with its frantic beats.

You don’t know how long you remain locking lips till the intercom announces overhead another time.

“Last call for flight 6313 to Boston, Massachusetts. Last call for flight 6313 to Boston, Massachusetts.  Proceed to gate C7. Proceed to gate C7.”

The announcement serves as your deal breaker for he steps back, his arms leaving your waist bare and cold. His lips are swollen pink and the black sunglasses fixated on the top of his lead is lopsided, his shirt a little wrinkly from where you held on.

You giggle at his appearance and he shakes his head, leaning forward to peck your forehead, not making a direct comment about the kiss.“Tell me baby, would you still love me even if we weren’t together?”

Your smile widens, fixing up his silk shirt, “I’ll always love you.”

You wore your heart on your sleeve for him and even if he couldn’t return the favor you knew he didn’t invalidate your feelings because candidly he returned them. He liked you as much as you liked him, but he couldn’t confess, he couldn’t proclaim the feelings that kept him up at night and made him feel whole. No, he couldn’t because he was slightly afraid of what it meant and because the timing was off when his entire future laid ahead. To him there was no point to have a relationship when he would leave almost a month later so he pushed those emotions connecting the two of you to the back of his mind for the greater good. For you to be happy with just knowing him, getting to befriend rather than longing after him when he would leave.

He would only prevent you from loving and that was something he couldn’t let you do.

Your answer to his question was the one he was looking for, the one he always wanted to hear coming out of your lips one day, for his smile is enough to set the whole world ablaze. He takes your hand to give the skin a kiss, a lingering touch of remembrance. “Perhaps I do too.”

His last words are permanently engraved in your mind for he had admitted his true feelings indirectly and that was enough. That was enough to keep you hoping when he vanished through the airport gate to go to another part of the world, somewhere where he could thrive again and live to his fullest potential. 

After all he was just a flickering flame, there one second then gone the next and not so easy to tame for flames always had the want to be free. 

Though sometimes flames are reborn, with new intentions and motivations. 

You hoped he would be too in some other life, where the two of you could have a happy ending, instead of one where he leaves you behind in the dust at the start of the finish line with a love that he couldn’t hold steady. 

[i-stan-nct-and-satan]

Not Broken Part 15 (Jaehyun Mafia AU)

Jaehyun X Reader

Not Broken Masterlist

Y/N is a burlesque dancer living in Seoul. Jaehyun is one of the most powerful mafia men in Seoul. How will Y/N survive when Jaehyun suspects that she is involved with a rival gang?

Reasons to read this story: Ten’s a cross-dressing madam so….. yeah read it ya freaks.

This chapter is dedicated to @rinzennie​ who designed a lovely banner for the Not Broken Masterlist. Thank you so much for your support!

Trigger warning: Mentions of abuse. Light depictions of self harm and suicide 

Taeyong led us into the parlor room where Jeno was already waiting for us along with two other staff members.  

Mere moments after we arrived, we heard the sounds of an approaching car engine. Jeno nodded at Taeyong and then towards the two staff members who quickly positioned themselves in front of the two large entrance doors.  

Taeyong leaned in before whispering, “Don’t look so nervous. You’ll be fine.”

I nodded, grateful for his words of encouragement though my nerves were anything but soothed.

As the two men opened the doors, bright ribbons of light began to shine violently through the increasing gap. After having spent several days cooped up inside, my eyes were more irritated than appreciative towards the unanticipated blast of vitamin d.  

Before my eyes could fully adjust to the light, both Taeyong and Haechan were gone from my side. Once I caught a glimpse of their vanishing figures, I began to follow shortly behind.  

“Mrs. Lee! What a pleasure it is to see you!” Taeyong greeted, opening the door of the sleek black Hyundai.

Despite it being bright out, I was unable to even see anything except darkness stirring from within the car. When Taeyong extended his hand out, I realized why that was the case. A black glove covered hand reached out towards Taeyong’s, only instead of accepting the gesture, it handed him a large black leather bag. Taeyong was caught off guard by the action and almost fell forward from the abrupt weight he had been entrusted with holding. I instinctively took a step forward, intent on helping him out but Haechan held me in place by my arm.

“Watch, you’re not gonna wanna miss this,” He chuckled, a wicked grin etched on his face.  

A thin figure dressed head to toe in black slowly emerged from the expensive car which sported a similar hue.  

I didn’t know what I was expecting, but I definitely wasn’t expecting this.  

Her outfit looked like that of a 19th century widower still mourning the loss of her husband... but sexy?  

Crushed velvet wrapped itself around her curvy frame. The dress’s hovered only a few inches above the pavement. Every inch of her skin was covered, but by a fabric so tight I could easily see the Madam owning such an ensemble. Everything except for the hat at least, which was draped in a loose charcoal colored netting that covered the wearer’s face completely.  

I watched as she pulled the netting away from her face, lifting it to reveal a face much younger than I had been expecting. From the looks of it, she couldn’t have been older than 36, even though that couldn’t be the case as Jaehyun was 22. That’s when I remembered that Jaehyun was adopted when he was eight years old, so it wasn’t impossible for her to only be in her mid-thirties.  

She looked around, paying no mind to Taeyong as he continued to greet her. When her eyes caught sight of Jeno unloading her bags, she cried out his name.  

“Jeno!”  

Jeno had just finished setting down a rather large suitcase when he was ambushed by the former lady of the house. I watched her pull the taller towards her, causing him to stumble into her embrace.  

“Oh, how I’ve missed you!” She squealed, only allowing him to withdraw from her arms so she could get a good look at him.

“Goodness, Jeno! You’ve lost so much weight! Your cheeks are practically concave!”  

Her hands reached out to grab at the fleshy tissue which was painted red with embarrassment. I couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. I wondered how anyone could ever look at Jeno and see someone who was slowly withering away.  

Despite his flustered state, Jeno smiled at the woman, his eyes disappearing into little crescents.  

“How are you Mrs. Lee? It’s been quite a while since we last spoke.”

“Mrs. Lee?! Jeno, I needn’t remind you again. I will not be referred to by my former title, especially not by you.  I am no longer the lady of the house and nor is my late husband the current master. Thus, I shall not be referred to by hisfamily name. Let the staff know that I shall only be addressed with my given name, Ho. You, however, are family. You may call me by either of my first names.”

“Ah. Yes, Hyun-ju.” Jeno corrected himself.

There was something off about her voice, something I couldn’t quite place. While her manner of speaking wasrefined in nature, her nasally accent made her sound more thuggish in a way. Despite the apparent roughness in her tone, I found it almost comforting in a way I didn’t understand. It felt familiar.  

“How are things going with that that boyfriend of yours? Is he adjusting well to working with the children?” She whispered to Jeno.

Jeno nodded.  

“I had yours and Mr. Lee’s old bedroom prepared for your arrival,” Taeyong announced, interrupting their reunion.

“Why on earth would you think I’d want to sleep in a room filled with reminders of my late husband? I mean really, Taeyong. Use your head for once!”

“Ah. Sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” Taeyong apologized sheepishly.

“I will be staying in one of the guest rooms in the north wing so that I can be near my daughter-in-law. Now, where is she?”  

Haechan’s elbow dug into my side reinforcing that I had been summoned.  

To say that I was nervous would have been an understatement. If I wanted Jaehyun to keep his word, I’d have to make as good of an impression as I could on.  

“Hello,” I quietly greeted, drawing her attention to my presence.  

The woman slowly strutted towards me, pausing to take in my appearance I as I had done with hers. Her cold eyes were somehow more frightening than even her son’s. I didn’t know that such a stare could be passed down from parent to child, especially those who lacked common blood.

I held my breath, sure that I had already somehow managed to spoil her first impression of me. I braced myself for whatever cold response was coming my way when her eyes began to crinkle.  

She was smiling. No, not just smiling; she was laughing.  

“Oh sweetie, don’t look so scared! I don’t bite! And speak up, will you? I know you can, us being cut from the same cloth and all.”

Suddenly, it became clear as to why her voice sounded so familiar.  

“You’re American?” I asked, making sure to speak clearly.  

“Born in N’York but grew up on the streets of Jersey. At least till’ I got a nice gig here in Seoul. H’bout you? Where ya from?”  

I was taken aback when Mrs. Ho’s formal Korean was suddenly replaced with crass English. I was so caught off guard that I could only gawk at her in response.

“What’s wrong with ya? Cat got ya tongue?”

I swallowed before responding in English.

“Oh, umm. I moved around a lot, but I guess you could say I grew up in Colorado.”

I became aware that Mrs. Ho was smacking her gum as she listened. I explained the states that I had lived in, heronly interjecting to say, “uh huh,” “yeah,” or “I see.” When I was done, she looked at me expectantly.  

“Yes?” I asked, still nervous.

“Well, go on then.”

I stared blankly.

Mrs. Ho rolled her eyes, though telling from the smirk on her face, she seemed more amused than annoyed.

“Introduce ya’self. Tell me ya name.”  

“Oh! Umm.”

“Come on now, spit it out. I ain’t got all day.”

“Y/N,” I finally answered.

“Y/N, huh? Well, you can call me by my English name, Jessi.”

I hesitated, unsure whether it was really okay for me to refer to her so casually.  

“Why? What’s the matter? Don't tell me ya surprised. We’re family now after all.”

“Oh, okay.”  

Wow she really has a lot of names.  

“Great, now that that’s settled.”

Jessi turned back towards the car where Jeno and Taeyong were standing idly by.  

“Taeyong, bring my bags to my room,” She ordered, switching back to Korean.

“Mrs. Lee- I mean, Hyun-ju, I can bring your bags in,” Jeno vocalized.

A relieved look spread across Taeyong’s features.  

“Nonesense! Jeno, honey, you and I need to go over the plans for this week. Let Taeyong do it, he could use a bit of weight training.”

“PFFFFT!”  

Haechan struggled to maintain his composure as a string of muffled giggles escaped from the short male.  

“This is going to be a hell of a week, isn’t it, Y/N?”  

<><><>

Haechan led me back to my room while Mrs. Ho, or Jessi as she told me to call her, got settled in. A few hours later Jeno came by to inform me that I had been summoned to her room. As we walked, Jeno took the time to give me advice on how to get along with the former lady of the house and also to quiz me on my backstory.  

“She says that she wants to get to know you before jumping straight into matters regarding the wedding,” Jeno informed me.

When we got to the door, Jeno knocked a few times before entering.  

The room was smaller than what I had anticipated. It was still much larger than the bedroom I was staying in, but I couldn’t imagine that Jaehyun’s mother would turn down the master bedroom in favor of more modest accommodations. The bed was littered in neatly folded clothing, which Jessi was currently organizing into drawers. Though she was well aware that we had entered the room, Jessi continued to place the articles one by one into the dresser as we stood and watched.  

Once the top drawer was closed shut, she turned to face us.  

“Sorry about that, I guess I still had a bit more unpacking to do when I asked you to come.”

“It’s no bother,” I replied humbly.  

Jessi hummed in approval before switching her focus onto Jeno.  

“Jeno, do be a sweetheart and leave us ladies to engage in a bit of gossip.”

She smiled sweetly at Jeno who nodded before making a swift exit from the room.  

It was just us now.  

Jessi gestured towards a nearby chair which I promptly sat in. Instead of sitting in the chair across mine, she began to walk away.  

“Now I know that you were probably nervous to meet me and that you probably just as nervous now,” She spoke using the same formal manner she used earlier,

She paused, glancing back at me expectantly.  

“Oh, um I-” I couldn’t help but stutter.  

“Oh, no. I understand completely. It can be a daunting thing, meeting your mother-in-law. Let me assure you that I am very much impressed with what I’ve seen so far. I mean, why wouldn’t I be? You’re beautiful, polite although a bit tense, and anyone who can manage to win my Jaehyun’s heart has to be interesting. Plus, I heard from Taeyong, that you’re more than willing to challenge him when you see fit.”  

I allowed myself to relax a bit.

“That’s always a good thing in my book,” She chuckled.

“Thank you,” I replied, feeling more at ease with myself.

“But...”

My eyes widened; my relief short-lived.  

Uh oh.

“But I must say that I find performative niceties to be more tiring than charming.”

Jessi pulled her purse from the ground and began walking back towards me.

“If you plan on putting on a façade to earn my approval, then you won’t get it. Agreeable people bore me.”

Jessi pushed the open chair closer to mine so that when she finally sat down, her knees were mere inches away from mine.  

“I want to get to know who’s really marrying my Jaehyun, not who you think I want marrying him.”

My heart felt like it was sinking deeper and deeper into my wounded ribcage. She opened her bag, reached inside,and grabbed onto something choosing to not yet free it from its leather confines.

“So, I guess what I’m asking is...” She began pulling out a bottle of Jack Daniels.

“Are ya gonna waste my time? Or are we gonna have a real honest drink?”

<><><><>

“Wait really?!”

“Really! I swear it’s true! When Louis died, none of us had the heart to tell him, so we just adopted a new cat and told Jaehyun that Louis had a rare condition that made his fur change color.”

I guess that’s why Taeyong told me not to pick the name Loius when he offered to get me a cat.

“Wait so did he ever figure it out?”

Jessi took another swig from the Jack bottle before bursting into laughter.

“That’s the thing. The first time we did it, Jaehyun was 9 years old,” She revealed.  

“The first time?” I gawked, unable to keep myself from joining in on the laughter.

“Louis number two got into a scrap with a stray dog and lost. Damn, I shouldn’t be laughing. That’s not the funny part, the funny part was that after three days after Louis went missing, Jaehyun came rushing into the kitchen shouting ‘I found Louis, his fur changed color again!’ The boy was 13!”

The two of us toppled over one another drowning in our own laughter. As the conversation went on and the liquor bottle became lighter, Jessi and I found ourselves entangled in each other on the floor. I didn’t know what I was expecting, but I never thought meeting my future mother-in-law would go like this.  

“So, what happened then?” I asked, pleading for her to go on.

“We kept the cat for a week before missing cat posters starting poppin’ up all over the neighborhood. Ji-eun and I considered buying a new cat and just telling him that his fur changed again, but Sooman decided that it was time for Jaehyun to grow up. The poor boy, he was always a sensitive one, but ya could tell he was holding back in front of his father.“

“Sensitive? Jaehyun? Please, there isn’t a sensitive bone in-”  

I stopped myself, worried about what possible reaction she could have to me badmouthing her son, the man I was supposed to be “in love with,” but when I looked at her, she had on a soft smile.  

“I know that Jaehyun can be a hardass sometimes, but would you believe me if I told you he wasn’t always like this?”

Without waiting for my response, Jessi stood up from the floor, leaving the Jack bottle behind. She walked over to the nightstand and picked up a small picture frame.

“I’m sure you’re aware of this, but from the moment we signed the adoption papers, Jaehyun’s fate was sealed. He was to be the future of NCT. Although Sooman was already thirty-four at that point, I was only twenty-four years old, not much older than you. I tried to give him as much love as a mother could give, but Sooman was focused more on being his mentor than on being his father.” She explained, switching back to formal Korean  

She lifted the frame in order to get a better look at it, smiling as she did so.

“You know, sometimes Ji-eun seemed more suited for the role of successor than he was, not that it mattered. You see the Mobb world is one ruled by outdated values,” She continued, handing me the frame.  

“This was before Jisung and Chenle joined our family.”  

It was a simple family portrait, the picture itself was no bigger than a postcard. There were four people in the photo. I recognized one of the subjects to be Sooman. I only knew what he looked like because of the few pictures of him I came across within the estate. Nothing about him particularly stood out to me. He looked like a normal middle-aged Korean man. His hair wasn’t dyed an unnatural color like his son’s was, nor did he have the most handsome features.  

Also, in the picture was a younger looking Jessi and a much younger looking Jaehyun holding in his arms what I assumed to be Louis number two. I took notice of the small divots that centered his cheeks. His face was much chubbier than it was now and his body much less developed. From what I could tell he must have been around thirteen years old at the time the photo was taken. Standing next to him was a young girl much taller than he but seemed to be only a few years older.  

IU.

Despite hearing about IU from a few of the members, I hadn’t ever seen any pictures of her around the house. The only time I had ever seen her face was after it had been bloodied and beaten, the night I met Lucas.  

She was a very beautiful young girl. She wrapped one of her arms around her brother’s shoulder in a manner that seemed protective in nature. They all smiled in the picture, but her smile was the brightest.  

They looked happy.  

“Jaehyun was a sweet child, although he was quite the troublemaker. Ji-eun on the other hand was so well behaved, it was almost heartbreaking. She was well aware that her adoption was a product of Sooman’s wishes to find an heir so she did whatever she could to keep from being a bother. I wish she would have acted out just a little bit though, just so that I could have shown that my love for her wasn’t conditional.”

Jessi pressed her back against the wall and slid back down to the floor where I was sitting. We both leaned against the wall staring off into space. She continued to speak, while I continued to quietly listen.  

“Her and Jaehyun were inseparable at first. He relied on her to communicate for him since he still struggled with his speech. We hired speech therapists, language teachers, psychologists, you name it, but he still wouldn’t say a word unless he was whispering it into his Ji-eun's ear. In the end, it was her who got him to start speaking. I don’t know how she did it, but she did. After that, he slowly became more independent. Even then, they were still closer than twins. He was a bit of a crybaby if you can believe it, which obviously didn’t please my husband. He wanted nothing more than for Jaehyun to be the cold-hearted fighter that he was at that age but Jaehyun had no interest in the family business; he wanted to be an idol.”

I felt more confused than surprised. Were we really talking about the same Jaehyun? It seemed like every time Jaehyun’s childhood was brought up, young Jaehyun was described as the total antithesis to the man I knew.  

“An idol? Like a Kpop star?”  

“Yes, exactly. Jaehyun always had an interest in music. I used to catch him sneaking out at night to go busking in Hongdae. Luckily his father never found out about that.”

Jessi let out a long drawn out sigh as she stared at the Jack bottle. Although we both made a significant dent in it, neither of us were more than a tipsy at most. Probably for the best since Jeno came by to remind us that there was going to be a formal dinner to welcome the former lady of the house.  

“When Jaehyun had just turned 14, he asked Ji-eun to give him idol makeup. Sooman was furious when he walked in on them. I told him that it was harmless fun, but all he could focus on was the fact that the future of his organization was playing makeup. After that, Sooman practically threw him into the family business, forcing him on his first mission just a few weeks later.”

Jessi laughed.

“Men, right?” She joked in English, giving me a glance.  

“He thought the mission would toughen him up a bit, ya know, teach him some responsibility. The mission was different from what NCT was used to. Basically, they were trying to in smuggle guns using fishermen’s boats. Jaehyun was supposed to stand watch by the docks. Sooman gave him a tranquilizer gun and a walkie talkie, told him to stun anyone who might be poking their nose in the wrong place then to let everyone know.”

I quirked my head to the side wondering why her story sounded so familiar, like I had somehow heard it before.  

“Well, you might have guessed it, but someone did come by. Instead of doing what he was instructed, Jaehyun got scared and hid under a table. The poor boy was scared beyond belief. He didn’t want to give away his position by talking into the walkie talkie, so the guy ended up walking into the middle of everything and the whole mission blew up. A few men were killed either by the dock guards themselves or the police who came shortly after. Over twenty of our men were arrested, most of which were from Wayv.”

“Oh my god!”  

Surprised by my outburst, Jessi’s eyes shot from the liquor bottle back to mine.  

“It was Jaehyun? He’s the one who got Lucas’s dad locked up?”  

Jessi’s surprised expression melted away as she let out a dry chuckle.  

“Guess someone already told you this story. I’m surprised they didn’t tell you that little detail.”

“Lucas told me the night he...”  

I paused, not sure if I wanted to finish my sentence.

“Don’t worry, pumpkin,” She hummed reaching a hand out to cup my cheek.

“We don’t have to talk about that anymore.“

She spoke in English, but it wasn’t in her usual tone. It was somehow softer.  

I felt strangely comforted by the gesture. It had been so long since anyone spoke that softly to me. I unconsciously placed my hand over hers, not wanting her to let go.  

“My mother used to call me that,” I choked out.

My stomach clenched as her face contorted in confusion. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but the wave of emotion that washed over me was almost too much to bear. I felt relief when, instead of pulling away, Jessi brought her other hand to my face, wiping away a stream of tears I didn’t realize were staining my cheeks.  

She smiled.  

“Jeno told me about your parents. I’m sure they would be so proud of you if they were able to see the fine young woman you’ve become.”

The tears only fell faster after hearing her kind words.  

I had no idea what my parents would think if they saw me today. Would they be embarrassed that their only daughter became a burlesque dancer? Would they feel shame hearing how badly my life has gone since their deaths?

My worries were instantly vanquished as I felt strong arms pulling me into their embrace.  

“Just knowing that their little girl is alive and healthy would be enough for them,” She cooed.  

Jessi held me, allowing me to cry in her arms until the tears had run out. When she released me, I became mortified at the sight of the snot and tears that stained her dress sleeve. She merely laughed it off and changed into a dress that seemed to be an exact copy of the first. When she finished changing, she sat me down in front of her vanity and began fixing my braid which had become messy from my crying.  

“I still can’t believe that Jaehyun stepped in to save you from that customer,” Jessi laughed.

“Yeah... I can’t really believe it either,” I replied, forcing the words out with an equally forced smile.  

Jessi smiled but I could tell that she had a lot on her mind.  

“What are you thinking about?” I asked.  

I made eye contact with her reflection.  

“That obvious, huh?” She chuckled.

I looked down at my lap.  

“If I’m honest, hearing the story of how you two met gave me quite the bit of relief.”

I lifted my head back up to look at her.  

“After Ji-eun died, Jaehyun didn’t have anyone left who could fully understand him. The mistakes he made during that mission weighed heavily on him. Sooman sent the both of them to America to wait until things blew over. His father was the one to push him into a role he wasn’t ready for, but he could only blame himself for the lives that were lost due to his actions. He began to take his role as his father’s successor more seriously even changing his name from Yoon-oh to Jaehyun in an attempt to distance himself from his past self. He only allowed himself to be his honest self when he was with Ji-eun, and sometimes not even with her. When Sooman died, everyone thought he was still too young, too inexperienced, so he had to become a colder, more hardened version of himself. I remember even Ji-eun struggled to break down his walls at that point. He blamed himself for her death thinking he was the reason Lucas’s dad died and why Wayv betrayed NCT in the first place, but that wasn’t the only reason he blamed himself.”

Jessi paused the story to wrap a hair tie around my newly braided locks.  

“What do you mean?” I asked.  

“Well, a few months after Jaehyun took over his father’s role as leader, he held a ball here at the estate.”

“A ball? Like some Cinderella type shit?”

Jessi let out a snicker at my crudeness.  

“I guess you could say that. Balls are commonplace in the mob world. They’re often used as political tools. Host a ball, seal connections, earn trust. This ball was meant to keep up the appearance of a strong front. To show that even after Sooman’s death, that NCT was in good hands. That’s why, when Ji-eun said she didn’t want to attend, Jaehyun wasn’t pleased.”

“Why didn’t she want to go?”  

“Who knows? She wouldn’t say. Jaehyun practically had to force her to attend. That’s when-”  

“That’s when she was taken, right?” I chimed in.  

Jessi could only stare back at me.  

“Oh. Sorry,” I apologized, aware that my interruption was insensitive.  

“Don’t apologize. You’re right after all.”

The two of us stayed in silence for several moments. Me sitting down, her standing up. I racked my brain, desperately trying to find a way to change the subject without it sounding forced. Luckily, I didn’t have to.

“Y/N?” Jessi voiced.

“Yes?”

“Promise me that no matter what, you’ll try to be understanding of Jaehyun. I know that he can be a bonehead sometimes, but he really is a good man.”

I was caught off guard by the sudden request.  

“Hearing the story of how you two met, it made me hopeful for the future. Jaehyun isn’t one to poke his nose in other people’s business, but the mere fact that he intervened to save you from that man brings me great comfort. It’s been years since I’ve seen a glimmer of the old Jaehyun, but from what it sounds like, you’ve been able to get him to open up, even if just a bit.”

Jessi scootched out from behind me and took a seat on the vanity table.  

“He obviously wouldn’t have brought you here if he didn’t care for you. I just hope that you’re able to keep chipping away at the walls he built around himself. He could use a friend now that Ji-eun is gone.”

Jessi stared back at me.  

How was I supposed to tell her that the story of how Jaehyun was all an elaborate lie made up to keep her from know the truth? That her son wasn’t the one who had saved me but the man I needed saving from. The man who kidnapped me, beat me and was still holding me captive in order to further his own self-interest. How was I supposed to tell this woman that her son was a monster?  

That was it though. I wasn’t supposed to tell her any of that.  

My only role was to keep up this deranged façade in the hopes that it would get me out of this mess, so keep it up I would.

“I promise.”

“Thank you, Y/N. Jaehyun might have Taeyong, but I’m glad that he’ll have someone like you to keep him in check as well.”

I was ridden with guilt. Here Jessi was, comforting me and treating me like her own daughter and yet all I could do was lie to her, not only about who her son was, but about who I was as well. I could barely stand myself right now.  

“Hey, Jessi?”  

“Yes?”

“Since you brought him up, I wanted to ask. Who is Taeyong to Jaehyun?””

“Oh, you don’t know?”

I shook my head.

“Jaehyun and Taeyong have been friend since Jaehyun and Ji-eun came to live with us.”

“Really? That long?” I asked.  

“Well, Taeyong’s lived here at the estate since he was a little boy. Even longer than Jaehyun and Ji-eun. His parents were actually members of our staff.”

“Oh, so do the staff’s children often live at the estate?” I asked.

“No, never. Taeyong was a special case. His father, Jong-in, was one of Jaehyun’s guards while his mother, Jennie, was head of staff. When Taeyong was only five years old, there was an attack on the manor and his father died after taking a bullet for my husband. To repay Taeyong’s father for his sacrifice, Sooman covered all of their family's expenses and allowed them to move into the estate. Sooman always makes a point to repay his debts, but if we’re being honest, I’m pretty sure he just didn’t want to lose her as a staff member. Like Jeno, she was very good at her job.”

I nodded as she continued to talk about Taeyong. I knew that he and Jaehyun were close, but I had no idea they grew up together.  

“Besides, Ji-eun, Taeyong was Jaehyun’s closest companion although they didn’t get along at first. Taeyong was a bit rebellious growing up but he wasn’t a bad kid. He got into fights nearly every week and even got kicked out of school. We ended up having to send him to the same private school as Jaehyun. When Jaehyun started talking, he’d always try to play with Taeyong but I think Taeyong saw him as more of a nuisance than anything else. The only reason they got close was because of Ji-eun. Taeyong had such an obvious crush on her, it was adorable, really. He’d follow her around all day like a puppy dog, asking if she needed anything or if anyone was bothering her at school. Instead of asking anything for herself, she’d ask him to take care of Jaehyun when they were at school. Since Jaehyun was the sensitive type, he was often picked on by his peers. Ji-eun was in high school so she couldn’t do anything while Jaehyun was at the middle school. So, despite him being the same age as Jaehyun, Taeyong became Jaehyun’s protector. Now that Jaehyun’s become so much larger than Taeyong, it’s hard to believe that he was ever the one who needed protecting.”

Jessi stood up from the vanity to head to the nearby dresser.  

“Taeyong and Ji-eun.” Jessi hummed their names.

"I always thought they’d end up together. It’s too bad. I know I’m hard on the kid, but you really couldn’t ask for a better son-in-law.”  

Jessi picked up a pair of earrings, taking special care to put them on.  

“I hope you don’t mind me asking but what type of man was his father?”  I asked.

“To say that he was a kind man would make even the devil laugh He did have his moments though. You might have heard already but our marriage to one another wasn’t out of love, or at least not out of mutual love. I apparently caught his fancy at an event meant to celebrate my parent’s gang joining EXO. He asked them for my hand before even asking me. Despite my wishes, they agreed. I tried to get out of it, but you can probably guess how that worked out. It was hard at first, but I eventually accepted my new life. It wasn’t all bad. Sooman was a fair man who respected my boundaries and he never made me feel guilty for my inability to have children.”

“Ah.” I reacted, not knowing what to say back.

“As you’ve probably already guessed it, we didn’t adopt Jaehyun and Ji-eun simply out of the kindness of our hearts. Finding out about my condition was extremely hard for the two of us but Sooman never showed me any resentment. If anything, he was more worried about me and my feelings about it than about his lack of an heir. After we found Jaehyun and Ji-eun, we had no need for any more children, but we adopted them out of respect for their fathers.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” I asked, genuinely curious.  

You see, after the mission failed and several NCT member’s lives were lost, Sooman did everything he could to make up for his apparent negligence. While most of his reparations came in the form of financial assistance, for two of his men, repaying his debt wasn’t so easy. Both of the men had sons. Jisung’s father, Taemin, ran away from his family when he was only 12 years old and his wife died during childbirth so there was no one to take care of his son when he died. That’s why Sooman and I decided to adopt him.”

“And Chenle?”

“Chenle’s father had a similar situation. He was one of the Wayv members that ended up in jail following the mission. He was killed in the prison yard by a rival gang. Unlike Jisung, Chenle had an older sibling, but the two had never met. His father had an affair with a woman outside of his marriage and had gotten her pregnant. He rented out an apartment for them in Itaewon so he could keep their existence a secret from his main family. Sooman only found out about this when he received a call from the man’s lawyer. The lawyer gave him an unofficial version of his last will and testament which specified where to find the son and mother. It requested that the two of them be taken care of if anything were to happen to him. He also requested that Chenle be kept away from anything relating to NCT or gang activity in general.”

“Wait so Chenle’s mother is still alive?”

Jessi noticeably hesitated before going on.

“Sadly, no.” She answered.

“Oh.”

“Instead of calling, Sooman immediately went to the address listed on the document and thank god he did. Nobody answered the door when he knocked but he could clearly hear a child crying on the other side. He ended up breaking the door down to find Chenle lying beside his mother’s body.”

“Holy shit. What?” I blurted out.  

“She must have found out about her lover’s death and decided life wasn’t worth living. At first, Sooman wasn’t even planning to support the two. He thought that the will had been a scam and that the woman was trying to get a free lunch or something. Once he realized that he was responsible for not only the father’s death, but the mother’s too, he accepted Chenle as his own son. Jisung was six and Chenle was seven when we adopted them, so they were old enough to remember some details regarding their past lives but thankfully Chenle wasn’t old enough to understand what happened to his mother that day.  

“Does he ever ask about his parents?”

“A few questions here and there. He knows that they died but he doesn’t know how. We told him it was a car accident. Apparently, his father must not have visited often since he wasn’t able to recognize him from any of the photos we showed him. He doesn’t even know that his father worked with NCT and I’d like to keep it that way. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“I won’t say anything.” I promised.  

Jessi stared at me as if gauging her trust in me.

“Good, Let’s head down to the dining room. We don’t want to keep everybody waiting now, do we?”  

<><><>

Jessi and I made our way downstairs where we were greeted by a staff member who escorted us towards the dining room. When we entered, I was surprised to see that all the members were already seated and cheerfully conversing among themselves. Well, almost all of them.

Johnny was the first to notice our presence. He cleared his throat, catching the attention of those around him and thus towards us as well. The only thing keeping the room from falling silent was the sudden chorus of soft scraping sounds emitted from the men’s chairs as they all stood up to greet us.  

Jeno pulled out a chair for Jessi to sit in next to the head of the table while the staff member who escorted us did the same for me. As we sat down, so did everyone else. There was only one empty chair remaining next to where Jessi and I sat across from one another. I didn’t have to look around the room to know who the empty chair belonged to.  

I kept my head forwards unsure of what to do. Nobody was speaking and I didn’t want to be the one to break the silence.  

I quickly looked around the table. A mixture of concerned and bored faces stared back.  

Next to Jessi was a very anxious red head who greatly juxtaposed the disinterested medic sitting next to me. I turned towards him expectantly yet Winwin only continued to look forward.  

I didn’t know what I was hoping for, “Are you okay?” “How are you feeling?” or even just a simple “Hello,” would have sufficed. Anything that would let me know whether I could consider him an ally. What I was met with instead was apathetic indifference.

“If I wanted to attend a funeral setting, I would have visited my husband’s grave. Seriously, what’s with this solemn mood?” Jessi marveled, poking fun at the intensity that dominated the room’s aura.

“I’m sure they’re all just waiting for you to tell them one of your stories, mother.”

Everyone turned towards the sudden voice to see the head of the estate as he approached the table. Once again, the members of NCT stood up. Even I was about to stand up until Winwin placed a hand on my shoulder queuing that it was not my place to stand. I felt a tinge of reassurance from the unanticipated gesture though it didn’t do much to ease me otherwise.  

“You may be seated,” The man announced.  

I felt an alarming amount of anxiety from the room’s newest occupant, but that didn’t stop me from blatantly staring at him as he made his way towards the head of the table.  

His rose gold locks, which had been fading more and more with each day, had been replaced by a light shade of natural brown similar to that of a chestnut. It was styled in its usual fashion; pushed back and out of his eyes, with not a strand out of place. His attire, while not as formal as it was the night of the performance, still gave off an air of aristocratic poshness. A black button up tucked into black slacks held up by a black belt. Not exactly something the average son would wear to have dinner with his mother, though this was far from the average family get together and Jaehyun was far from the average man.  

Jaehyun smirked, aware of the eyes that were on him.  

“It’s good to see you, mother.” He asked as he bent down to give his mother a kiss on the cheek.

“It’s good to see you too, especially since you’ve finally gotten rid of that ridiculous pink hair of yours.”

Jaehyun gave an honest laugh in response to his mother’s words.  

“Please excuse me for not being able to welcome you myself. I had some business I needed to attend to.”  

"Oh no, it’s fine. It gave me a chance to spend some alone time with the lovely Y/N, here.” She responded, gesturing towards me from across the table.  

Jaehyun hummed in response, having fixed his gaze onto me.  

“Am I to assume that your first meeting was a pleasant one?” He asked, flashing his charming smile.

Though his expression was what one would expect from that of a loving fiancé, I knew the true meaning of his words.  

“I’d say it was more than pleasant. Y/N is a well-rounded young lady with the kind of spark you don’t see much of nowadays. I must say I’m a little suspicious.”

“Hm? What on earth do you mean?” Jaehyun asked, keeping his cool.  

“You’re not being held hostage are you, dear?” Jessi asked as she turned towards me.

My breathing hitched and I instinctively looked up at Jaehyun who seemed just as surprised by the question as I was.

I opened my mouth to reply but Jessi beat me to the cut.

“I mean how else could you find someone to put up with your snappy temperament,” She snickered.

Several of the table’s occupants, began to laugh awkwardly, Jaehyun and I included.

“As always, mother, your humor is second to none,” Jaehyun said, leaving his mother’s side to take his place at the table.  

“And how is my little mouse?” He asked reaching a hand towards mine.  

Before I could think better of it, I quickly withdrew my hand from his.  

Big mistake.

Realizing what I had done, my eyes flickered between Jessi’s furrowed brows and Jaehyun’s menacing glare.

“Honey, not in front of everyone.” I whined, doing my best to make a cute but bashful expression.

Jaehyun’s threatening stare swiftly turned into one of bewilderment. His eyes only left mine once Jessi began to laugh whole heartedly.

“Oh, you don’t have to act shy in front of me, dear. I know how kids are when they’re engaged,” Jessi insisted.

I smiled at her and looked to Jaehyun who nodded in approval. He held his hand over the lower half of his face to hide the smirk that wouldn’t seem to leave his lips.

<><><>  

Dinner lasted around an hour. Jessi took turns asking each of the members questions and simply catching up with one another. I was happy to listen to them all talk about things not having to do with me since it meant less chances for me to mess up. The liquor that lingered in my bloodstream granted me a bit of comfort though it did little to protect me from the unease that came from Jaehyun’s constant stare.  

When dinner was finished and everyone was dismissed, I stood up only to be pulled back down by an abrupt hand. I turned towards the hand’s owner.  

Jaehyun didn’t say anything. He instead waited for everyone to leave the dining room including the staff whom he waved away.  

Once it was just the two of us, Jaehyun stood up, throwing his napkin onto his plate.  

“Training starts at 5 a.m. Get there early if you have to, just don’t be late. I don’t think you want to know what will happen if you make me wait.”

He began to walk away from the table, leaving me behind. Once he reached the door, he paused.

“You should wear something blue. The color suits you.”

I stared blankly at the now empty doorframe.  

“Something blue?” I echoed, staring down at the baby blue dress.

[prodtrouver]

➾ My Heart Cannot Be Mended

After the runaway of his older brother, everything became his. The responsibilities, the trainings, the meetings, and especially, the kingdom. Everyone said nothing could break the hard shell he put around his broken heart. All he wanted was to clear his brother's name and to be loved, however, when will that come?

Pairing: prince! Jeno x princess/witch! reader

Other characters: prince! Mark, prince! Jisung, wizard! Chenle, Potionmaker! Jaemin

Genre/warnings: strangers x lovers, angst, fluff, lots of stressed Jeno, mentions of mental breakdowns, mentions of murder and poison, mention of abuse

No. Of words: 3333 words

Jeno shut the book loudly, everyone in the room flinched. His heavy sigh enough to scare or make the surrounding servants nervous. He threw the book on the desk before he looks around once more.

"Find a book that results in poisons. I need to know the poison that was made to kill my father. Bring them to my room," Jeno spat before leaving the library. He knows it's not his brother who did it. Mark would never do that.

He makes his way on the training grounds. The sight of Jisung and an unknown girl sword fighting on the grounds. Jisung's skilled swordsmanship impressed Jeno: he is the best swordsman in the entire kingdom.

However, Jeno might've proven wrong this time. Jisung's leg was kicked and resulted to him falling on the ground. The girl immediately stood over him and pointed the sword where Jisung's ear was.

"I should've never underestimated you, I apologize." Jisung laughed and the girl let out a chuckle. She quickly helped Jisung up and the two of them shortly noticed Jeno's presence.

"Who's this?" Jeno asked as he pointed at the girl.

"Ah, she's a princess from the neighboring kingdom. Meet y/n, a princess very skilled in swordsmanship," you held out your hand. Jeno smiled for a split second before his face has gone cold.

"Jisung, we need to make sure Mark isn't the criminal here and that he was accused of killing father." Jeno grabbed Jisung's hand while something from a far caught your eyes.

You squinted your eyes, only to see a cat watching. Suddenly, its eyes sparkle before it runs away.

"Excuse me?" Jeno broke your trance, and you flinched to look at him. He furrowed his brows and glared at you.

"Can't you see we're talking?"

"Can't you see I got here first and you could easily drag Jisung away, so I wouldn't hear you guys?" You rolled your eyes and walked by the two princes.

Jeno watched you walk away, your presence long gone yet the feeling you left affected him. Is there really a princess who doesn't fancy him?

Meanwhile, Jisung tried to hold his laughter.

Jeno groaned as he shut the last book of poison. Nothing, nothing about the poison or anything that looked similar to it.

His heart shaking at the thought of his brother being imprisoned. His broken heart being torn when he watched Mark run away from his home. All he hoped is that Mark is alright.

"How was it made?" He stared at the bottle of poison that was stuck in a small glass box. The orange liquid moved as he tapped the glass box. It was slightly thick, as if it was a little bit oversaturated.

He flinches when he hears a knock on the door.

"Who's there?" He shouted, and you popped out when the door opened. He got confused: why are you here? You were also holding a tray of food.

"I heard from Jisung that you haven't eaten yet. I'm sure you could get these yourself, but I'm also sure you won't leave your room, so I brought them." You gently placed the tray on the empty side of his desk.

You smell something bothersome. You cover your nose as you waved the hand in the air, Jeno stared at you in confusion.

"Uhh- what's that horrendous smell? Do you even take a bath?" You asked Jeno, who let out a confused sound with a slightly annoyed expression.

"I take a bath!" Jeno spat while you spot candles on the side of his desk. Instantly, you pointed your finger at them and the candles are now on fire.

Jeno's eyes widened while you shook your head.

"Dear lord, take a bath sometime, Jeno Lee," you stated before you exited his room. Jeno sat there confused. You could do magic?

His curiosity to ask got the best of him. He quickly exited his room. However, you weren't there anymore. He slightly flinched when he heard his name called by someone from behind.

"Are you in a rush or something?" He turned around, only to see Jisung's friend, Chenle. The boy looked confused, and he definitely looked slightly annoyed. Jeno softly scoffed and kept his gaze on the wizard.

"Are you annoyed with me, Zhong Chenle?" Jeno crossed his arms, but Chenle shook his head. He walked pass Jeno, the prince watched the boy leave with a weakened expression. Did something happen?

"Why would the castle's wizard be sad?" His heartbeat stopped; you shocked him. He turned around and saw you standing there. Your gaze on the wizard whose figure was getting smaller as he continued walking.

"Have you been there the whole time?" Jeno asked and you bobbed your head.

"I even watched you run out of the room. Were you in a rush? Do you want to chase after me? Do you like me?" You slyly smirked whilst you tilt your head.

Jeno's eyes widen and he let out a confused sound which made you laugh. You stare at him for a few seconds before spinning around.

"You better go to bed, Prince. You have a long day tomorrow to find out the poison you're searching for." You spat as you begin to walk away.

"Wait! How did you know?" He asked, his hand reached out to you as if he wanted to stop you.

"It's quite obvious- although, I do hope you won't overwork yourself." You smile sweetly and Jeno let out a nod. He turns around and opened his door.

"You're right... Goodnight though," he said as he took a step in his room. However, before he could close the door, you stated something;

"It's pointless to read books because such poison can't be made by a human." Jeno's eyes widen once more and turned around to look at you.

But just like earlier, you aren't there anymore.

On the next day, you watched Jeno do his research from above. Books upon books, stacked on the floor. You swore it almost reached his height.

Your gaze moved to the large stained window behind Jeno. The pretty colors shone down on the stressed prince. You moved downstairs and took a closer look at Jeno. The small glass box with the poison inside stood still on the table.

The way how he looked shook something in you. Your heart running around in circles, everything beating for Jeno. However, just from a first glance; you could tell Jeno is heartbroken.

Must've been the fact that Mark ran away. All his responsibilities went to Jeno, not only that but Jeno swore to find proof, proof that Mark was only accused.

Should you tell him? You should, right?

"Didn't I already tell you that it's pointless? Why are you still searching?" You referred to the bottle as you showed yourself. Jeno flinched once more at your sudden presence.

"Will you please stop showing up everywhere!?" Jeno playfully snapped and you let out a chuckle. You moved closer to him and eventually, you sit across him.

Books about poison scattered on the table. It made you confused to why he was working so hard but from the slow heartbeat he has, it was obvious.

"I need to know... What do you mean last night like such poison can't be made by humans?" Jeno asked in an instant.

"The poison is a poison to you but for us, it's a potion." You spat as you used your magic to pull the glass box closer to you.

Jeno, once again looked shocked.

"If it's not obvious, I'm a witch!" You said cheerfully, a sweet smile on your face. That didn't last long though.

You snapped your fingers and suddenly, the bottle was on your palms.

"This potion is mainly made from a poisonous plant, Golden Dewdrop. These are planted in the dark bit of the woods. I could also tell death dust was mixed with it, so the potion could have a painful yet not so slow death." You stated as you examined the liquid inside.

You examined the bottle closer; the bottle was eye-level already as you moved it to where the light shine.

The shape of the bottle was familiar... Perhaps you know where it came from.

"There are fingerprints; female ones," you said.

"How did you know? How are you so sure?" Jeno asked, confused and doubtful. You gave him a blank face before you shook your head.

With a snap of your fingers, all curtains were moved to avoid sunlight. Everything went dark. Everything except the candle you lit.

"Woah- why is it green?" Jeno asked, you didn't answer and moved the bottle closer to it. Immediately, you pointed out;

"From the ridges to the dried up sweat, it's obviously a female. I'm sure of it because I've seen countless fingerprints on bottles." You turned the bottle around,

"However, these aren't regular human fingerprints. It's much more complicated, it looks very similar to a female elf's fingerprint... That's weird, only witches and wizards can brew potions like this." You winced in confusion as you put the bottle down.

With the snap of her fingers again, curtains moved to the side, sunlight came in the room.

"There you go; female elf fingerprints, a death potion that can only be brewed by witches and wizards. A poison made from a poisonous plant and death dust." You leaned back on the comfy chair.

Jeno stared at the bottle before looking at you until it hit him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked you, you titled your head as you stared back.

"To be honest, I don't know either. My father said that it was the king who wanted to see me but I never got a reason out of him." You answered and grabbed a book from the table.

"Also, don't tell anyone about my witch powers. I prefer to keep it hidden rather than reveal it to the world." You stated and Jeno bobbed his head.

He watched you pout your lips as you read the book. You suddenly gasped at what you were reading.

"Woah... Do you know this story where a fairy paints the skies instead of gods and deities?" You asked, your eyes glued on the book, a playful and curious smile on your lips.

At that moment, Jeno felt his broken heart slowly move.

Jeno and Jisung get off their horses, both talking about fairies, elves, and Mark. Smiles on their faces as they returned in the castle.

"We're gonna bring the boy back!" Jisung shouted, only to be shushed by Jeno.

"We can't let them know we sneaked out," Jeno whispered.

"Where did you guys go?" They both jumped at the sudden voice. They both turn to their side to see you standing there.

A lamp on your palm and you looked like you were just roaming around the castle.

"What are you doing? Roaming around?" Jisung asked as he flicked your forehead.

"Please don't do that- I was following a cat, did you see it?" You asked but they both shook their heads. You sighed, where did that cat go?

"Why were you following a cat at this hour though?" Jeno asked, curios of your reasoning. He didn't get the answer he wants tho.

"Enough with questioning me; where did you guys go?" You looked from both sides of the halls, still in search of that weird cat.

"Woods... Our hyung was hiding there and he's going to come back since we have proven him innocent! We met a fairy which is his lover and she told us that the elf wasn't the one who brewed the potion." Jeno spat, slightly excited about their new evidence.

"Did she say the bottle belonged to the Potionmaker in the woods as well?" You asked and they both looked shocked.

"I'm starting to think you know everything, y/n!" Jisung said and softly clapped his hands. You chuckled and lent him the lamp.

"Go back to your rooms, it's time to sleep after your journey." You patted his back and he nodded. He bid a goodnight and walked back to his room.

You turned to face Jeno; his slightly messy hair that was messed by the wind, his eyes that glistened under the moonlight, his pink lips that looks dry because of the cold... Everything about him is perfect.

He could say the same about you as well.

"How did you know it belonged to the Potionmaker?" He asked but you simply shrugged.

"It was the first thing I noticed. The Potionmaker is famous for his incredible sense of potions. He could probably tell what the poison is just from first glance."

"Like you!" Jeno pointed at you but you shook your head with a smile.

"immediately, Jeno- I mean, define what the potion is immediately." You laughed, Jeno scratched his head, embarrassed.

You patted his shoulder which made him flinch. You let out a laugh once more. "You're also so flinch-y, Jeno. Get some rest, I bet you'll be seeing your brother tomorrow." You said and for the first time since you met Jeno...

He smiled at you.

You waved the sword and kicked Jisung's legs. He groaned when he felt his back hit the rough ground. Immediately, you pointed the rapier on his neck as your victory.

"More speed, Jisung- at this point, you'll be killed on the battlegrounds." You stated as you help him stand up. Suddenly, you notice him look behind you.

You turn around and smirked.

"That's why you're trying so hard, go talk to her!" You push him to her direction. His cheeks red and his lips apart from the nervousness.

"Should I?" Jisung turned to you. Unbeknownst to both of you, someone else was watching.

"Go!" You pushed Jisung further as he slowly walked to where his crush is. You let out a chuckle before turning to the side.

You flinched when you saw Jeno. He was leaning by the pillar, his eyes on you. You stared at each other for a while, both hearts rapidly beating. You softly smiled, a plan appearing in your head.

You picked up a rock from the ground and immediately threw it at Jeno with no warning. However, he caught it before it could hit his face.

"You're fast," you hopped back while Jeno stood still. "Can you go faster though?" You threw another rock once more, he caught it.

"Wanna fight?" You asked as you threw a sword at him. He caught it and entered the grounds. He removed his red mantle and faced you.

"Are you sure?" He asked, just from first glance; you could tell his grip is tight. His posture looks less stiff as well, unlike Jisung's.

"Yes?" You said, almost like a question which made Jeno chuckle. His eye smile showed- suddenly, you lunged yourself toward him. The blade of your sword touched his with a loud clang. He was shocked by your sudden attack.

You stepped to the left as your sword aimed for his shoulder. Luckily for Jeno, he was able to shield himself a second later. The expression on his face says everything.

He's troubled, confused, shocked as well. In a blink of an eye, you were gone. He turned around when he heard a step on the rough dirt ground.

Your eyes glow yellow, a smirk stuck on your lips while your sword hit his again. A second later, your eyes became normal again.

"Open," you said and his eyes widen. Immediately, you kicked his waist as he falls to the side.

"You're fast and reactive but not fast enough." You helped him up as you sheathed your sword. You begin to walk away until he called your name.

"How- did you use magic or something? Your eyes were glowing," Jeno stared and you looked at him. You let out a chuckle,

"It happens when my opponent matches my abilities. I believe you only saw it for a split second though, considering you were very shocked when I moved too fast." You cleared but Jeno stayed quiet.

"I do hope I didn't hurt you- that would be bad. For the time being, thanks for the quick match, Jeno!" You shouted before running away from the training grounds.

You hid behind a wall and secretly took a peek at Jeno. The boy looked confused while he stared at his sword. Did you really just beat him?

You let out a chuckle before continuing to run away.

"Father! I told you, Mark is innocent! We had the bottle checked by a witch and a fairy, they both said that it's a female elf who tried to poison you. The poison is a potion that cannot be brewed by humans and fairies. It requires a powerful wizard or witch magic to create such poison." Jeno throughly explained to the king while you only listened.

"Father, Mark cannot brew such powerful poison or potion or whatever. Chenle neither since he is traumatized of poison. Please, father- Mark was accused because the criminal placed the bottle in his room, in hopes that Mark will be banished or bethroned.

Then everyone became quiet- thoughts running inside the king's head whilst the three princes stood in front of him.

You turn your head to the side, your eyes widen see a familiar individual. The cat with yellow eyes in his arms as he stared at you.

"Excuse me, your majesty. I will be on the training grounds," you broke the silence. You did a small bow and left the men to do their talking while you ran out to the grounds where the familiar individual was.

"Is that your cat or should I say person?" You stopped whilst he stared at you.

"How did you know?" Jaemin asked you whilst the cat glared at you. It's yellow eyes glistening under the sun while you let out an annoyed groan.

"Jaemin, you are a fantastic wizard, it's unfortunate you only focus on potions. Eitherway, the potions your brew are powerful, so I'm asking you this, Jaemin- did you brew that one hell of a potion and made this spy take it to the king?" You asked with a stern face.

Jaemin sighed and turned around. The cat still in his arms as he was ready to apparate away.

"No, I didn't brew the potion but I will be covering for this pesky criminal here. Don't bother me, sis- we both agreed to mind our own businesses." He said, about to leave until you placed your hand on his shoulder.

"Jaemin, it was nice to see you again, brother. I hope you live a good life with your love," you referred to the cat. Jaemin looked at you, shocked, the cat looked the same.

"I won't speak about the criminal in your arms right now. Do stay safe, I can't help you if she gets caught. Farewell, little brother!" You begin to walk away as they apparate away.

You entered the castle again; your head hung low and mind full of thoughts. You basically jsut found out the cat is an elf due to its weird aura. Not only that but your brother (who ran away from the kingdom long ago) was covering up for her.

"What got the princess thinking?" You flinched when you saw Jeno in front of you.

"Ah- nothing much. Just some tactics to include to my swordsmanship," you smiled innocently. He seems to buy it though...

You wanted the search over but it wasn't your business to tell. It isn't your problem to solve, therefore, you decided to stay quiet.

Jeno stared at you, silence in the air until he leaned closer to your face. You leaned back a little, confused about his actions.

"Listen, I know you lost to me or something but I swear, I wil-," you freeze. He kissed you. His lips on yours.

Your heartbeats were rapid. Both minds on cloud 9. Jeno pulled you closer to him while you responded to his warm kiss.

"I'm sorry if that was sudden... I'm just very thankful that you told me about the poison and stuff. Without you, Mark's name would've never been cleared." Jeno muttered and you smiled.

You brushed his hair back.

His broken heart that you once felt was being mended again.

"Prince Lee Jeno, your heart is feeling a bit warmer now..." You let out a chuckle while he pouted.

"I adore you so much... Can you be my princess for life?" Jeno asked,

"Woah, isn't this too fast, big man?" You joked while he shook his head.

"If I have your consent then I believe, it is alright."

"Then I'll be your princess for life, prince"

[jxxvvxxkcrack]

Lee Jae Wook Vlive 21 June 2021

Stats

Total vlive viewers: 35675 Total likes: 2072339 Length: 1 hr 01 minute T-shirt: Unlock your life by Pars Co. https://www.parspars.com/product/unlock-your-life-rainbow-white-short-t-shirt/

He's on a diet now.

He threatened to turn off the Vlive a few times because of all the people who said they were not studying for their exams to watch it :P

He's growing out his hair now for the next project.

He had to ban requests for him to say fans' names in the middle since too many requests were pouring in for him to say their name. Don’t blame them lol.

Talking with fans

What is your next project? You should see articles about it soon Will you do more vlogs? It's difficult to do vlogs in the pandemic period since you need to wear a mask everywhere. What do you do in your free time? I eat a lot, sleep a lot, and exercise a lot. Can you donate your Jordan shoes to me? No I can't, and then launched into some anecdote about something about high school, which is unsubbed. When will you hold a fan meeting? Probably after the pandemic. "You're watching me at hagwon (cram school)? I will scold you!" And he did lol it was so cute. What do you do when you first wake up? A hot water shower, and then..? [unsubbed] Do you like overseas fans? Of course I do, I love my overseas fans. I'll come for you after the pandemic is over. Current favourite song: Recently, ‘Lost’ by Maroon 5 was released. It's the best. Will you do an online fan-sign event? That would be interesting! What's your MBTI? I haven't done it yet! Please do the MBTI! OK I will definitely do it! Can you do a bear heart? What's a bear heart? There's so much I don't know. Teleport vs being able to tell the future? This is an interesting question. I would choose to teleport. I live in the Gangnam area, and the traffic there is so bad! So I would choose 'Teleport'. (I didn't know he lived in Gangnam). Do you have a driver's license? Of course I do. Shoe size: 285mm Can you speak English? No, I can barely speak Korean well :P

-but in the middle he did say "Say hi to global fan" LOL-

Your favourite late night snack? Fried chicken, jokbal, and bossam. I spend a lot of money on food :P Would you date someone 7 years younger? 7 years younger? It's not a bad idea. I’m thankful (that someone 7 years younger likes me.) Would you date someone 7 years older? (laughs) It's a funny question. Why haven't you been seen anywhere in public? I don't go to many places, only to the gym and back to my home. Favourite snack: Goguma (sweet potato). It's sad, right? (Implying he's on a diet.) And then he randomly said he's tall but doesn't have good proportions (possibly someone asking why he exercises so much :P)

Do you like cats and dogs? I love them. I have a friend who has a shiba-inu called Chadol. It was so cute I went to his house every day to see his dog. You should eat more: You may not like me then! D: I'm studying Korean, study with me? I'm also trying to get better at Korean. Shall we do it together? (so flirty) Did you remove the mole on your neck? No, I didn't remove it. I won't remove it. What's your handphone wallpaper? It's a white wall with an orange stripe, somewhat Rothko-esque. He said he took it at his house's parking lot, and "It's pretty, isn't it?" Which celebrity friends do you have? (Playfully) 비밀 Do you like mint chocolate? I love mint chocolate. My friend told me not to declare this, and said that saying that I like it is a matter of life or death :P People say it tastes like toothpaste but it tastes nice to me! What colors do you like? Blue. Blue and dark colors. Isn't long hair uncomfortable? It is, but I will cut it one day. Your long hair looks cool: (Teasingly) I'm going to cut it soon~ Do you get along well with your elder sister?  Yes, I really like my relationship with her. Which of your characters is most like you? Lee Jang Woo from When The Weather Is Fine. (Is he that good in his studies? Lol. And then he said something about a unicorn, which I do recall seeing in the drama, I think he used "___ unicorn" to brag about himself to his younger sister :P) Jjajangmyeon vs bibimbap? This is really hard. Do I get to have soup with bibimbap? Favourite perfume: Can I say the brand? I guess it doesn't matter. Slow Dance by Byredo. It's my favourite perfume. Today's TMI: I woke up early and went to the gym. Do you ride your bike often? About 3 times a week? Oppa because of you I'm going to Chung Ang University: So you'll be my junior huh. (laughs) Oppa, can you close your left eye and point to your right cheek? (he obediently follows the prompt.. he’s really an actor lol) "You!! I almost fell for it! Gosh, my mum will pass out if she sees this." He revealed a two string bracelet on his left hand while adjusting the camera. Favourite dessert: Croffle? Croffle. I really like croffle. Current body wash: I'm using a body wash by Lush (only he says it as Lush-ee, which is just adorable.) Can you speak Japanese? I love animes but Japanese is so hard. I will study hard! When will you do a rap? I may try it one day. (I wonder if he knows about that old rap video floating around lol.) Dimples vs. Eyes: Eyes? I think he might be talking about his forehead wrinkles instead of eyes actually, so the translation is wrong. What animes do you like? He didn't answer, but said there are many animes on Netflix that he watches. Eating chimaek while watching the world cup? Eating chicken and beer sounds good but, my agency probably wouldn't like it. Can you say a line of Baek Kyung since it's been a long time? (playfully) I won't do it~ Iced americano vs. hot coffee: Iced americano. He said 'eoljuga', which roughly means 'I’ll drink iced Americano even if I freeze to death'. :P What app do you use most often? Naver? I have many things I need to look up :P Which of your parents do you resemble? Sometimes my mum, but sometimes my dad. Do you like kalguksu (knife cut noodle soup)? Yes, I love kalguksu and sujebi. Favourite ice cream flavour: Mint chocolate. (Bursts into laughter) Who do you like better - your mum or your dad: Omma. You thought I wouldn't answer, didn't you. (He has thanked only his sister and his mum in an award ceremony before lol. Poor Jaewookie appa) Oppa I'll date you: I'll reject your offer. (bursts into laughter again). Are you at the agency now? Nope. Please name the fanclub: This is hard. It (the fanclub) should go on forever, shouldn't it? Send an email to the agency. 5 year old Jaewookie vs 5 copies of Jaewook?: Of course 5 copies of Jaewook. One to exercise, one to work, one to stay at home and eat.. Do you dip or pour sauce for tangsuyuk? But, why would you pour water on fried food? I'll say dip. Jjajang vs. jjampong: That's hard! When working, jjajang. When resting, jjambong. *Nods sagely to himself* (Although he instinctively said 'jjampong' first). When moving house, jjajang. What message from fans cheered you up the most? It was this letter I got. It said "you make us happy when you're working hard, but don't work too hard." It cheered me up a lot. Soju vs. beer: Soju Cider (Sprite/lemonade) vs cola: Cola Do you eat pineapple on pizza? I think it tastes nice! Hawaiian pizzas. I also really like pineapple. Fall or spring? Fall. I really like spring too, but there are too many bugs. Small but definite happiness? (He understood the abbreviation immediately, which is sooo different from when the Running Man cast are introduced to any new lingo lol) When I bike, I don't drink any water. I have a routine; after biking, I run for about 6km, then I drink water. That water at the midpoint mark is so delicious. Oppa I like you, please scold me: Why would I scold you. I would compliment you :P Good job. Favourite boy group: BTS. They're so cool (safe answer!) Ramen vs. kimbap? Don't you eat them together? How tall are you? 187cm tall. Which variety show would you like to appear on he most? "I have never been on a variety show yet. Have you seen Kokkomu? When I watched Kokkomu I cried a lot. My tears came out like diamonds." lol. In reference to an earlier question. No idea what Kokkomu is. https://newsbeezer.com/koreaeng/kokkomu-which-was-just-popular-is-controversial-due-to-the-copying-of-the-youtube-channel/ Possibly this? Beef or pork? Pork How long have you been tall? I've always been tall. Then he gives a cheeky wink! Oppa can you go on on Knowing Bros? I'll have a hard time talking in banmal in front of all the sunbaenim. I'll do more Vlive in the future. *compromise* lol. Oppa kajimayo: If I don't leave, the staff can't leave work either :P Can you fill an hour (of Vlive?): Shall we fill an hour? Do you want to be in a play or musical? Of course I do. Plays require the best form of acting. What's the first thing you want to do when the pandemic is over? I want to go to a pork belly bbq place and eat comfortably without a mask. What's the worst part about acting? Every moment is hard. It's not an easy job. Why do you always wear 2 T-shirts? I like T-shirts but, but my sweat changes their color. I don't like that, so. Favourite overseas country? Filming Alhambra was my first time overseas. I didn't even take many photos. I want to send you T-shirts: Don't, don't! while vigorously shaking his head. (worried that his fans will spend money) What is your life movie? I really love Robin Williams. It's not my life movie, but I love the Dead Poets' Society. Did you really go to Alhambra? Back then, my role was really small, so I didn't really know what was going on, but (I did go to the palace? is what it sounds like.) Would you rather be 3m tall or have a 400mm shoe size? Wouldn't it be better to be tall? (what’s the point of having big feet?) Oppa don't go to the army: I have to go someday.. I still have a lot of time, and will work hard When will be our wedding? Am I getting married? (laughs) Pepsi or Coca cola: I like any cola. I'll go to the army for you: Andwae it will be hard! Although apparently it's not as hard as it used to be. Are your family members all as tall as you? Yes my family members are all tall too. What do you do on your free days? I'm a freelancer so I don't have free days.  How do you keep your skin looking so young? Lancome (he's now promoting Lancome). I came here right after a Lancome event. I really like Lancome. Tell me about your bracelet: I'll ask my stylist later :P When you come to Pohang I'll guide you!: I love gwamegi! (half-dried Pacific saury) Do you like to cook? I really like to cook. I love it so much even when people tell me not to cook, I will still cook. Oppa come to my school!: Which school is that? Tell me. Although I probably won't be able to read it. (cheeky smile). I'm really mean now, aren’t I. Favourite side dish? I like them all. Mokpo: Dodosolsollalasol was filmed in Mokpo. I ate aehobak jjigae (zucchini stew) there and it was amazing. Do Vlive at home? I'll figure out how to do it! I'll learn everything today. You use black and white hearts a lot on IG, what does it mean? It's the color of my tee. Just kidding, I just choose a color of heart that goes best with the photo. How much can you drink? Should I bluff? If I'm bluffing, when I drink alone at home, about 3 bottles? Just kidding, I get drunk after about 1.5 bottles (of soju). Favourite sports: Skiing, swimming, bowling. Was it hard to use a dialect in the Battle of Jangsari? Using a dialect was really hard. Can you do an IG live? I'm scared to do live - you can't make a mistake when all of you are watching. I have to be careful. Why aren't you seen in public? I answered that earlier, you are late. LOL. Your best dish? Western food? Something like risotto? Plans to film a movie? I want to but I should get offered first. Joking. Lol. I was told off for being late (the commenter above): Haha sorry.

Best fan questions/comments:

Live as a hamster or a ham forever?

Your pimples are so cute (mistranslation, she meant 'dimples'): "I have 4 dimples."

Don't smile, you'll give me a heart attack: I'm also having a heart attack seeing so many fans. I like it (that there are many fans on the vlive) but it's also scary. So cute.

Are you a microwave? You melted my heart: You're all so witty, jjinjjaru..

I'll make money. You just cook: You're so funny..

[satuguro]

and then there were three | pt. 1

IN WHICH: sokka has defeated and overcome many of his problems. after defeating ozai, he believed his life would become easy. but he has yet to overcome his sudden feelings for you and zuko.

PAIRING: zuko x sokka x fem! reader

INSPIRED BY: everybody talks — neon trees

WARNING: mention(s) of blood, sokka’s bi panic

pt. 1, pt. 2

NOTES: i am suffering from writer’s block and this is how i’m coping thank you

sokka had a problem.

in the beginning, it was a mere liking. you were one of the enemies; one of azula’s minions. to his surprise (at the time), you were a waterbender. your father was a prisoner of war, and rather than kill his only child, ozai used your abilities to his advantage. you trained alongside zuko, and became his sister’s personal guard (even though she didn’t need one).

you had joined their crew before zuko had. none of them expected you to come along, and certainly no one (not even yourself) expected you to go against azula. you weren’t as stoic as mai, nor were you as expressive as ty lee. you were calm and laidback. unless you were provoked.

sokka found joy in provoking you. in the beginning, he made comments fueled by hatred for the nation that raised you, but as time passed, they became more playful. you always had something to say when it came to his stupid remarks, and before he knew it, it became the basis of your relationship. one of you would say something snarky towards the other, and the other would bite back.

it never went too far. the last time it had gone too far, sokka had some... realizations.

“is that your best shot, ponytail?”

sokka scowled at the nickname, throwing another punch your way. you only ducked and jabbed him in the chest, making him groan and clutch it. as he bent down, you threw an uppercut at his face. his chest heaved as he hunched over, eyes glaring at you as he wiped the side of his mouth. crimson red stained his hand at the action.

you smirked smugly at him, eyes nearly cat-like as you watched his every move. it was like a game of cat and mouse; a tension filled one.

“if you want to bring down mr. hotshot and his little fireballs,” you began, carelessly referring to ozai and his children, “you need to fight with all you have. fight as if—“

sokka suddenly advanced towards you, pushing you up against the wall behind you. his brows were furrowed as he breathed heavily, eyes staring into yours as your train of thought disappeared. he looked pissed, and while that normally would’ve been a bad sign, you didn’t feel any kind of regret. you enjoyed getting on his nerves, and a crooked smile appeared on your lips. but as you smiled, his expression quickly fell when he realized.

spirits, were you always this pretty?

you took his sudden change in emotion to flip your positions. you shoved him against the wall, grinning triumphantly at him. “you don’t stare at the enemy,” you advised, and sokka scoffed.

“you’re uglier up close,” he lied through flushed cheeks, and your devilish grin only grew as you pulled away from him.

“i dunno, i think you look really pretty,” you stated, and turned around to walk away, hearing sokka choke on his spit.

it was only a little, tiny liking. it wasn’t even a problem!

that is, until zuko came along.

sokka had learned to trust him. they had saved suki together and the prince even leant a shoulder when sokka and suki decided that being friends was better for the both of them. he didn’t know when he began to see zuko in a different light, but suddenly, he wasn’t just sifu hotman, crazy prince zuko. he was zuko. grumpy yet kind zuko who told him his love life was rough and rarely smiled but when he did, wow.

he thought his liking for you had died when his feelings for zuko became strong. but spirits, he was so, so wrong.

sokka couldn’t tear his eyes away.

you jumped up in the air, bringing your hands together as water gathered at the tips of your fingers. you slammed your hands on the ground as you landed, and a whip of water split the fire zuko had thrown your way. your lips curled into the familiar smirk that sokka had grown to be fond of.

“you’ve gotten better,” zuko commented stiffly, and you rolled his eyes at the lack of emotion in his voice.

“you still suck, zu.”

“hey!” surprisingly, an amused smile appeared on zuko’s face. it felt good to be around his childhood friend once again, though if he ever told you that, he’d never hear the end of it. but it was obvious in the way he acted around you.

you burst out laughing, the sound almost melodic as you threw your head back. you finally saw sokka, who was frozen in place as his eyes darted between you and zuko. panic surged through his veins at you and zuko’s looks.

you were both sweaty from the training session, and you both held concerned looks on your faces. sokka’s heart pounded in his chest and it suddenly became hard to swallow. he didn’t know who to stare at.

yeah, he had a very big problem.

sokka had helped the avatar defeat the firelord, had his girlfriend turn into the moon, and had hit many people with his boomerang. he had overcome so many problems, only to be met with one that had grown twice over time.

he liked you and zuko. what now?

┈┈ 𑁍༅ཾ༚ ┈┈

NOTES: i’m not sure whether i wanna make this little series nsfw or not (pls let me know it helps me and the characters will be aged up). i’m also a sucker for sexual tension ya’ll already know. anyway thank you for reading! <3

buy me a coffee here! any likes, reblogs, or donations are appreciated :)

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[goose-books]

goose-books productions: a 2020 review

view the image in higher quality here! (open the image in a new tab to zoom in.) thank you to my dearest @yvesdot for the template

transcripts and month-by-month details under the cut! for reference, you can find my projects here :-) overall, new and old followers, thank you for another good year over here! [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your h

january

i spent late 2019-early 2020 working on 2019’s nano project, quark, aka the speculative fiction thing about new york city and prophets and dissections of the chosen one trope and gay people. quark is my second-oldest project (five years!), but it’s also probably the most ambitious, so it’s been... difficult to wrangle into place, and i didn’t end up finishing a first draft. oh, well.

enjoy a snippet that is devastatingly emblematic of everything about quark. the tone. the homoerotic tension. the ensemble cast all talking over each other. the fact that caelum has spent pretty much this entire scene crying. fun autopsy report meeting.

Marble stares at the notebook in Shade’s hands. Or maybe he’s staring at Shade’s hands. Dawn feels a little voyeuristic, so she does what she does and says a dumb and unrelated thing: “Augustus, I think this pizza-on-the-floor thing is hurting my ass.”

Augustus flutters his hands. “Sometimes nonconformity is painful.”

“At least we’re originals,” Caelum mumbles into his sleeve.

“Exactly,” Augustus says.

“True originality doesn’t exist,” Marble says.

“Oh,” Shade deadpans, “it’s going to be a fun autopsy report meeting.”

It isn’t.

february

in january i stressed myself out trying to make the plot of quark work. so in february, i decided to take some time and write something Entirely For Fun. like, entirely for fun, no rules. and. my god. how do i explain the project i started calling “third eye for the bad guy.”

it was an unholy mashup of many of my past hyperfixations, including the gone series, a tale of two cities, warrior cats, and the left hand of darkness. one of the characters was a canon scalie and one was a canon fictionkinnie. it centered around a polycule of wannabe-evil-overlord high schoolers. i only wrote like three chapters but i was lost in the sauce for all of february and then i just… like… wiped it from my mind and moved on? somehow??? one character was a werewolf and that literally wasn’t relevant at ALL

I.

Someone was going to die on these steps.

This had been Ivy Lee Palomo’s thought last year during the all-school photo, and it rose in her mind again now. The one hundred marble stairs leading up to the great double doors of Saint Constantine Academy were the school’s pride and glory, steep as the mountain, sharp as the blade under Ivy Lee’s skirt. With the cutting wind and snow glazing the stone more often than not, with the freshmen wild and wired on their first day of their first year, it was really only a matter of time before someone slipped and cracked their fucking head open.

It wasn’t going to be her. Not when she had Doc Martens and reflexes like an electric coil. Still. Ivy Lee didn’t want to watch someone die. She didn’t get along with dead people.

march

in march, i got back to the project i’d started in 2019 - AMT, my podcast! it’s a shakespeare retelling set in a modern high school; this excerpt is funnier and also more unnerving in context. (double, double, toil and trouble...)

INDRAJIT: What the hell are you doing?

[PAUSE.]

DEE (like she’s lying): Making pasta.

[ALL THREE OF THEM LAUGH.]

NONA: That’s right.

MORA: We have the keys to Mab’s office.

DEE: We’re using her stove.

NONA: To make pasta.

DEE: Do you want some?

[A TENSE PAUSE.]

INDRAJIT: No.

april

and darkling rears its head! all of my other projects have existed for at least a year; darkling (specfic king lear retelling) is... special. it was conceived in april, when i started hyperfixating on king lear, and i still managed to write an absolutely ridiculous amount of content for it. it was like the power of hyperfixation let me speedrun the entire process. which. okay.

iv: control

They say Cressida Stayer was nine years old when she turned her hair to gold. They laid her down in bed blonde, and the next morning, the waves cascading down her shoulders were solid metal, glinting harshly in the sunlight, weighing her down, creating that odd head-cocked expression she still wears now. Nine years old. Two or three years before most people develop enough magic skills to dye a single curl. Much less transfigure their hair into precious metal.

People also say Leovald Stayer’s immediate reaction was to hack it off her head and melt it down for cash. But generally they say that part a lot quieter.

may

in may i wrote AMT episode 15, by which i mean that in may there was a day when i sat in my room with the door shut for literally five straight hours listening to the same three songs on loop as i wrote the climax of one of the plotlines of AMT. so. that sure was… a day.

ISAAC: Do you want… do you want someone to drive you home? Hawk, you’re worrying me -

HAWK (almost cutting him off): Don’t. Don’t say that. I’m here to help. With your… thing.

ISAAC (quietly): I… don’t know if you should be here to see this.

HAWK (a little louder, more audibly upset): Well - what else am I going to do? Go home and - and have my dads talk at me and - and not be able to answer them? Because I can’t? I can’t. I don’t know what to say.

[PAUSE.]

ISAAC (V.O.): I wonder if this is what he feels like, on the outside, looking in at me. Watching someone else hurting. Helpless and afraid.

He still fits perfectly in my arms. I rest my chin on top of his head and pull him close to me, like I can stop him from shaking, like I can stop anything from happening the way I know it’s going to. I bury my face in his hair. He smells so familiar. He’s so warm.

God, Hawk. I love you so much. You shouldn’t be here to see this. Something bad’s gonna happen. And you’re not the kind of person who belongs in a tragedy.

june

okay, honestly, i should talk about “night shift” here, because in june i wrote a whole short story in one night (and then foamed over it for a week), but i am still in the process of submitting it places! so i am terrified to put even a sentence of it online. instead: the other thing i did this month was to finish AMT! (sixteen episodes and somewhere around 175k, iirc, but don’t quote me.) these lines are the opener to the final episode!

RAHMA (V.O.): The combined series of sophomore year disasters stretched through November. It’s June now. It’s taken me… a long time to get this all put together. I was going to make a vlog about it, initially - well, calling it a vlog sounds frivolous. I was going to make a video recounting the whole deal. All of it. From when I kissed Avery Fairchilde to the very last night. I scripted dozens of drafts; I put together dozens of bullet-pointed lists of what to cover… and it was never enough. Because Avery and I weren’t the only ones involved. Even if I was only focused on the two of us, it wasn’t just the two of us.

So… I gathered up everyone else. The whole town of Ellisburg is still talking about the week the town went crazy, but it wasn’t just a week. There was a lot leading up to it. And I think if anyone’s going to talk about it, it should be us. The people who lived it. So here we are. The most ambitious Rahma Ashiq production of all time - at least so far.

july

every july i pause whatever else i’m doing to celebrate the birthday of aurum & argentate, twins from my oldest and dearest WIP The Mortal Realm. july fifteenth! mark your calendars. they’re princes, though argentate would really rather not be; you can read the full birthday piece here.

“Do you… plan to get dressed?” A bit of the usual humor crept back into Aurum’s voice. “Although if you want to speak to the kingdom in your underthings, by all means, you have my full support.”

Argentate scrubbed at his face. He wasn’t dressed, no, but the usual malaise hung over his shoulders like a cloak. Guilt. Nerves. The sick sense that he hadn’t done something he was supposed to. The numb knowledge that it was too late to change a thing.

“I meant to,” he said. “Get dressed, I mean.” The rest went unsaid: I have just been sitting here. On the floor. Thinking about how I should get dressed.

“Ah,” Aurum said, extending his hand. “The traditional route. We’ll save the nude speeches for the future, then.”

Argentate took his hand, stumbling a little as Aurum pulled him to his feet. He steadied himself on the closest wall, taking a few deep breaths. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. His hands found their way to the cross, again and again.

august

this summer, i wrote an entire draft of Valentine Van Velt is Dead, AKA “holden caulfield goes to exposure therapy,” AKA the weird little personal side project i keep tucked into my coat. interesting features include second-person narration from a narrator who doesn’t like the main character all that much. so reading it is kind of like the book wants to kill you? with an added dash of general melancholy.

You used to live here. That’s the thing that’s got you feeling so off.

You didn’t recognize your old house. I mean, you kind of did. You remembered that the road was on a hill. That hill felt like a goddamn forty-five degree angle when you were a kid. But if you didn’t have the address written down you wouldn’t have known it at all. It would have been just another little suburban house in rows of perfect little towns that make your skin crawl.

So now you’re in this diner looking out a gross smudgy window trying to block out the elevator music pumping through the speakers in the ceiling or whatever. I don’t know how speakers work. You’re trying to tune that shit out. The waitress comes over and catches you by surprise so you just point at some coffee thing on the menu so she’ll go away. For the record: you don’t drink coffee.

There’s a public library across the street. A little square building. You probably used to go there. The lady comes over and thunks your coffee on the table and gives you a kind of look, like she wants to know what in the goddamn hell you think you’re doing here and not at school. You sip your coffee and look out the window until she leaves you alone again. And then you spit it back into the cup because, for the record: you don’t drink coffee.

september

i spent september and october prepping for nano, so i was mostly working on darkling...

It’s late spring; still, at this time of night, on a rooftop, there’s a chill. The wind plays with the end of Ruby’s coat, with her hair. She hands the bottle off to Jasper, stares up at the fogged-over sky, wishes she were lying in Dany’s arms in Dany’s bed instead of here. Wishes, even, that Dany were the one on the roof with her. At least then they’d be cold together. At least then she wouldn’t have to imagine what Dany would say; she could just listen, and watch Dany’s flashing smile and her flinty eyes.

(She cuddles. This is another thing Dany does that Dany probably shouldn’t do, based on everything about Dany; it’s not like rattlesnakes cuddle. But Dany likes to nuzzle into Ruby’s side and rest her head on Ruby’s collarbones and toss an arm over Ruby’s chest, and hold her down like she’s worried she’ll float off somewhere. She’ll card her fingers through Ruby’s hair and hum. Even though they could get caught, even though she’s probably got better places to be - Dany cuddles.)

Ruby imagines it, momentarily, both of them on the roof together, sprawled like horrifyingly beautiful gargoyles, sharp teeth flashing, blood running hot. Up here - it’d be like they ruled the world.

But whatever. Jasper’s fun. He’s hot. He’s got a sharp tongue in a lot more ways than one. And she likes when he lets the mask down. She likes seeing the soft bits underneath. She wants to sink her teeth and nails into them so hard she draws blood. Masks don’t bleed. Ruby would know; that’s why she is what she is.

october

...though i was also in creative writing class in school, and thus ended up writing a bunch of poems of varying quality (my teacher had a real thing for poetry) and also one darklingverse short story where rory and cressida hold hands! which you can find here.

Lorelai Rory Flowers is afraid of thunder.

This is a bit of an embarrassing thing to admit, as they’re seventeen (“at least seventeen,” they like to tell people, “maybe two hundred, who’s to say?”) and generally wise beyond their years, or whatever it is that adults say about kids with too much psychological baggage. Being afraid of thunder is not a very wise-beyond-one’s-years trait. And yet the state of affairs remains: loud noises make Rory want to melt into the earth. Back when they still went to school, even the fire alarm sent them scuttling under their desk to hide.

Right now, in the elevator, all they can do is shrink into their sweater.

They haven’t let go of Cressida’s hand yet.

november

and then november of course was nano which was an adventure all the way through. (opening tumblr on the fifth day of nano to find out about d*stiel... was something.)

“Apologize to me. Or get out of my house.”

Gracen’s voice is very, very low. For a moment she thinks he hasn’t heard her at all. Then he spins, eyes blazing. “What did you say?”

Gracen watches her own chest heave. She pushes herself up off the desk, stands with the effort of pushing a mountain off of her back. Leovald is six-foot-four. Gracen is six-foot-two. In her heels, in the heels she must wear to be a professional woman, to be a lady - they are the same height.

Gracen wipes her nose. When she lowers her arm, there’s a streak of blood across the back of her hand. Fire shivers in her chest; her heart rings in her ears; her voice could cut steel.

“I said,” she says, low, slow, volume building, “apologize to me. Or get. Out. Of. My. House.”

december

and finally, the poem i posted this year! it’s called the beast sonnet, and you can find it in its own post over here (with commentary! how sexy.)

i kill the beast and drop down to my knees, my blade stained dark with blood of stygian hue, and for a moment these scarred hands shake free, and hold a world unfurled for me anew. but once-mourned victims, victors, vices find; fear winged me; now its absence strips me bare. my sword now dulls, my legs, my voice, my mind; the beast, pried from my throat, leaves no skill there. and still i hear it laugh, O DEVOTEE— O CHILD DEAR, NO GLORY WITHOUT ME.

i was quite productive this year; i have to think it was because i was avoiding things... the peak of my productivity happened over the summer and in november, AKA, college app hell. (almost done with the last applications! pray for me.)

a general breakdown of what occupied me this year:

(no, i don’t know why the “various other things” category ended up so large... i blame all the one-off projects i wrote a single page for, and also whatever the fuck happened in february. yes, i do know why it looks hideous; it’s because each of my WIPs has a theme color

thank you once again for spending some time at goose-books dot gov this year! what to expect for next year: well, i very much hope i can produce AMT... also hoping to get darkling ready for beta readers, so keep your eyes out!