#also he makes me ill in the brain for separate reasons but i started to like him bc of my friends first. then the disease hit

[aroace-poly-show]

i love friends bc sometimes they love a character in a way that makes you love them even more or at least have a newfound appreciation for them bc of how happy they make ur friend

[lionlena]

Headcanon: When Joel goes limp… (JoelMillerxf!reader)

Okay, so @creedslove infected my brain with this thought through this post. Joel's simply bruised ego is something that affects me like blood to a vampire… I had to write it! I had to comfort my old grumpy teddy bear!!!

Warnings: smut, erection problems, flaccid dick, Joel's bruised ego (deserves a separate warning), swearing, age difference but not clearly defined…

Sex with Joel was always special.

Sometimes it was rough and made you feel it the next day. You proudly looked at the bruises spread all over your body and you felt like you could still hear his growls in your ear.

Sometimes he was gentle, almost lazy, and only his rough hands on your thighs reminded you how strong Joel could be.

Well, sex wasn't a problem until one day when suddenly it was.

There was no indication of this. Joel came home from work late that night and you were sitting on the couch in just his t-shirt and panties. That was enough to make him horny.

You dressed like that for a reason. Joel had a tough job and for over two weeks he had been coming home while you were already asleep and leaving while you were still in a deep sleep.

So you started to miss his thick cock stretching your pussy.

So you both were hungry for each other's bodies. It seemed like a perfect equation, the solution of which was wild, hot sex.

It started well. Joel got to you. He pulled your panties down with one hand and began to prepare you. His other hand was already under your T-shirt and kneading your breasts.

You panted and kissed his neck as his thick, rough fingers worked inside your pussy.

You felt a bulge growing in his pants.

"Come on honey, I'm ready... I had some fun before you came back."

Joel chuckled and gripped your hips tightly.

"You've been a naughty girl, huh?"

He lowered his pants and boxers in one move. His cock stood proud. You bit your lip, preparing for the first stinging thrust, and…

Nothing.

You blinked your eyes and looked at him in surprise. Joel looked at you equally shocked and you didn't know what he meant until you looked between his legs.

"Oh, Joel... Sweetie, it's..."

Joel cut you off, not letting you finish. He quickly pulled up his pants, hiding his flaccid cock, and moved to the other end of the couch, mumbling, "I'm sorry."

Your heart clenched at how broken his voice was, and even in the dim light you could see that his face was red.

You carefully approached him as if he were a scared animal. You stroked his arm gently. "Joel..."

Joel looked down at his lap, cleared his throat, and replied gruffly, "There's nothing to talk about. I'm old... I should have expected it, that I couldn't keep up with your youth..."

You raised an eyebrow and wanted to laugh, but you knew he would assume you were laughing at him and not at the bullshit he was saying.

You moved even closer and cupped his face, forcing him to look at you. You tried hard to keep your voice calm, soothing, and comforting, but not pitying. You didn't want him to think you felt sorry for him.

"Honey, you know it's not true. These things also happen to younger men and they have a thousand reasons. Fatigue, stress, diet, medications, illness..."

You rubbed his cheek gently and smiled. "You've been working a lot lately and your body finally couldn't handle it. There's nothing to be ashamed of."

Joel looked a little calmer, but there was still some anxiety in him: "Maybe you should find someone..."

You glared at him. "Joel Miller, if you finish this sentence, I will kick your ass!"

The corners of his mouth lifted slightly. One of his hands went to your thigh and he started squeezing it gently. He placed the other one on your cheek.

"You know, I'm ready to satisfy you in some other way. My mouth, tongue, and fingers are at your disposal."

And it was a really tempting proposition. You loved the feeling of his beard on the inside of your thighs, but…

You saw that Joel was still very sensitive, and vulnerable. You didn't want to give him the false impression that you were only with him for sex.

"NO."

Joel looked at you worried. "No? But you wanted it. That's why you waited for me."

You smiled and sat on his lap.

"I was waiting for you because I missed you. I missed your warm, strong body."

You kissed him passionately and decided to explain something to him.

"Joel, I'm not with you because of your thick cock and the fact that you're so fucking handsome... I'm with you because you make me feel safe. Because you're the type of man who can fix a faucet, change tires on a car... And a thousand other things that make me want to be with you."

Joel looked at you, completely enchanted and in love. He hugged you tightly and buried his face in your neck.

"I love you. And I promise that... It will be better next time."

You rubbed his back and kissed his head. "I love you too, Joel. We'll get through this. You just need some rest."

Joel simply murmured more sweet words into your neck and relaxed into your closeness and embrace.

Two weeks later, Joel finally finished the heavy assignment and you two had more time together. That's why you decided to go to the bar.

You were sitting alone at the bar, waiting for Joel to come back from the bathroom. A young man approached you and you immediately didn't like his behavior. He was pushy and didn't understand your polite "fuck off."

When Joel came back and saw this scene, his blood boiled. And at the same time, he thought back to the moment when he let you down. For a moment, he even had the stupid thought of not interfering and giving you a chance to pick up someone younger. But he saw that you weren't comfortable. So he walked up to you and gave the guy a death glare.

"Any problem, honey?"

Joel wrapped his arms protectively around your waist and the young guy huffed.

"Get lost old man, this chick needs a ride on a young stud."

Before Joel could say anything, you jumped off the stool. You felt your blood boil and you stuck your finger into the guy's chest. You gave him the ugliest look and hissed, "Listen to me, I've been polite, but now... Fuck off! I don't need a little boy for one night stand when I have a real man at home."

The guy gave you a hostile look and normally you would be scared, but you felt Joel's strong frame pressed protectively against your back. The guy said to you contemptuously, "You don't know what you're missing" and left.

You felt proud and you want to turn around to kiss Joel. But you narrowed your eyes at the feeling of his hard cock pressing into your ass.

Joel rested his chin on your shoulder and growled, “Bathroom, right now, please.”

You were more than willing and moved forward with Joel still right behind you.

You were damn lucky because the women's bathroom was free. Joel immediately pushed you inside and blocked the main entrance. In one movement, he lifted you up and sat you on the counter next to the sink. He took off your panties and slid his finger into your pussy.

"Are you wet already?"

You laughed quietly. "You turned me on."

"Me? You were like a damn wild cat..."

He leaned down and bit your neck. By this time, your hands were already working on his belt buckle and zipper to free his thick, throbbing cock.

Joel looked at you with love and excitement. "Ready to ride a mature stallion?"

You nodded and bit your lip as he entered you with a decisive movement.

You moaned happily as you felt the familiar stretching.

You grabbed onto Joel's tightly muscled arms as he tightened his large hands on your hips and set a brutal pace, growling in your ear.

"Fuck, I love you... Your pussy is perfect... You make me feel younger..."

Soon you were barely holding back your loud moans, but Joel clearly wasn't going to keep quiet and was grunting loudly himself as he painted your walls with his hot cum.

Afterward, he kissed you gently and tenderly whispered against your lips, "Thank you."

You laughed and ruffled his hair. "You're welcome."

Joel helped you down and knelt down to help you set up your panties.

When you left, a line of several very annoyed girls had already formed in the hallway.

But you two just started laughing and said a carefree "sorry".

Joel led you to his truck and you drove home where Joel fucked you again. This time even longer and more intensely.

[salad-o-malley]

I think im gonna need to Hide Tumblr from myself, Before I get a weekly streak of absuing the ask button!...Haha, I've honestly gotten curious way to curious and I know curiosity killed the cat but maybe im more of a dog? Lol, your Ocs are just all so lovely and make me wanna beg like a Victorian child in need of food. I just can't get enough of them. You're amazing at character design! And that had me wondering if you've ever considered getting into writing? From one of your newer but still old videos, you mentioned that you're oc world lives rent-free in your head, and that made me relate to you alot my world is always getting built in my head and one I started written my Ocs storys not in a lore format but more in a story way as if i was writing a book it just seemed to help me place everything together and was curious if you tried or do write storys with you're ocs while most people on here dont like reading Oc stuff if you did ever write something and shared it on here id jump to be the first to read it. (My apologies for all the asks I spend to much time on here...haha.) As an Oc ask im way to invested in learning your Ocs lore well more like world lore from that one video I mentioned earlier Id always been way to eager to know more about the complicated Oc universe so as an actual ask to not waste your time hows Seren's universe set up hes an Incubus/Succubus so that must mean his universe has some sort of hell given he's friends with Rouge (From your pinterest post I think Seren being a sore loser is hilarious.) And from your All of my god ocs plus any one who Relevent video Alodias and Celeste are the first incubus and Angel made so does that mean the god ocs are connected to Serens universe and seeing from the fact Fern and Seren play with there kids dolls and are friends and fern and her husband are hybrids? (Ferns a bunny?...and her husbands a Wolf.) it just makes me curious because that means the universe is filled with alsorts of creatures and then if the god ocs are connected to it, it just seems like a very interesting world and seems very creative and I love it! (Sorry for such a long post...I cant help but abuse the ask button, ill try my best to keep in check!)

-🪼

OH BOY OH BOY OKAY

So i’m gonna try to make this as simple as I can manage to

basicallyyyy I have different oc universes that all kind of coexist at the same time next to each other while being separate from one another

I’ve categorized them in my head kind of like this;

- god realms (not technically a universe but the gods and all the creatures in their realms know of and can interact with all the other universes)

- serenverse (unofficial name lol): basically just base level stuff, kind of just regular earth with more mystical creatures in it (like succubi/incubi, hybrids, etc) this is the universe most of my ocs kind of get automatically shuffled into if they don’t fit into the specific niche of my other universes in my brain ☝️

- fantasy universe: the universe where all the damn whimsy is. Kings, queens, princes, princesses, mystical/magical creatures are entirely the norm, it’s not like regular earth at all- it’s completely disconnected from anything like that. This is where my ocs like Sephtis, Carlin, Cassiopeia, Lunarus, Reef, Ezekiel, Pluto, Florian etc would be! This is also the universe where *my* gods are the most known, widely accepted, and worshipped!1

- Apocalypse universe: the universe that’s closest to being like our world buuut if everything went to shit because a war machine ruined it all. I made this universe specifically for Khaos and Tigre lmao

now getting into god stuff!1 my gods exist everywhere all the time in allllll the universes regardless if the people in those universes know of them or not

for example, in serenverse, the gods are mostly seen as mythology (like how we’d view the greek gods) though some people do know of/believe in them! The reason for creatures like incubi and angels existing there is because some of the ones born in the gods realms just migrated down there and reproduced annnd there ya go. the timing of that happening would’ve been like millions of years ago so it’s already kind of a norm in that society I suppose

while in apocalypse verse nooone of that “exists”it’s literally just a parallel of our world

BUT in my favorite universe, fantasy, the gods are veryyyy very real to the people there!1

this is gonna get even more confusing I apologize but here we go

each of the major gods has their own realm and creatures that they made to inhabit them-

likee

keveah - incubi/succubi

fallon - angels

keres - fire demons?1?

rosalite - cherubs

Lyrastra - literally every living thing on earth + some magical creatures on certain versions of earth

reaper - he didn’t make anything he’s literally death. though most people’s souls reside in his realm!

anywhozies all of the gods realms are like their own mini universes where they and their creations live! They’re all unique and kind of like their own little towns and cities in there.. I have pinterest boards for their realm inspo but I don’t feel like getting into ALL THAT

okay okay moving on. Specific ocs of mine were born in those realms, like rouge, and have the ability to traverse between realms and certain universes as they please because of that!

in the case of incubi and angels,, angels are never born on any version of earth! They’re always born in fallon’s realm no matter what, so there isn’t really such a thing as an angel born on earth (same goes for cherubs and fire demons.. basically any other creature that isn’t an incubus)

buuut incubi and succubi, because of their nature, are doing whatever the fuck and reproducing willy nilly wherever. So! There’s terms for incubi/succubi born in keveah’s realm versus earth- which would be

born in keveah’s realm; sin born

born on earth; earth born (self explanatory)

sin born incubi and succubi can go from the god realms to earth (whichever version) as they please but earth born incubi/succubi *can’t* because they were born on earth so they don’t have that power!1 whoopee!!2

annnd unfortunately seren happens to be earth born (he’s literally half human) so he can’t do any of the special stuff like that. Rouge just has like.. multiple clubs spanning keveah’s realm and the serenverse because I thought it would be silly lol

anyways that got terribly ramble-y and idk if it made a lot of sense but yeah!!2!? lore kind of?? uh!!! there’s definitely more to this but I need to stop rambling good god

[ellie-the-oracle]

The Bad Batch - Season 3, so far

Spoilers Ahead!

Hey you guys, I'm back! So before I hop into any discussion, just a quick debrief on what's going on for me in regards to tbb: I've been trying to control my excitement and hope for this final season, as I don't want to set myself up for anymore emotional damage (it'll happen anyways). That's not to say I'm not excited or hopeful, but I'm just very nervous and still healing from the heartbreak of you-know-what.

Onto this season so far. A very strong start with the first three episodes (haven't watch ep 4 yet). They wasted no time getting right into it and I'm honestly surprised that Cross and Omega escaped as fast as they did. I'm glad they didn't waste too much time on their escape. I will say though, things are feeling sadder than ever, with so many characters out of the picture. Echo is with Rex, Tech is...well I'm not too sure, to be completely honest (more on this in a min), and Cid backstabbed the gang. All I can say is that I anticipate more sadness but I'm cautiously optimistic for a mostly happy/good ending.

okay, now onto the elephant in the room. my previous theory post of Tech being alive and having a Winter Soldier situation is looking to be more real by the day and that makes me deeply uncomfortable. It was just a theory (a game theory) I made up, albeit using my English degree to hyper analyze the story, but sometimes (most times) my big brain is a burden. I honestly don't know what's worse: Tech dying, or Tech surviving and becoming something horrible (probably the second). Which brings me to this random ah dude:

There is actually no logical reason for this dude to be shown 3 separate times in an episode for it to not be important later. He also stands with the sass of our beloved engineer, not to mention his helmet and outfit contains small stylistic callbacks to Tech's armour (maybe I'm just delusional though). Which makes me violently ill, to say the least.

Anyways, whatever happens, we're all in this together besties. God speed

[rainbowmoonstonestories]

Let Your Dreams Be Your Wings | Chapter 13

Chapters: 13/? Fandom: The Sandman (Netflix 2022, minor content from the Comics) Rating: Explicit Relationships Dream of the Endless/Morpheus x F!Reader  Characters: Dream of the Endless/Morpheus, Lucienne, Matthew the Raven, Mervyn Pumpkinhead, Hob Gadling, Death, Rose Walker, The Corinthian, other minor Sandman characters, Original Characters. Warnings: 18+ content (minors DNI), explicit sexual content, POV switching, very long chapters to read. Summary: You always dreamed of becoming a successful Fashion Designer, sharing your creations with the world and making your father proud. But with him being very ill and so many costs solely weighting on your shoulders, things didn’t go as planned and you had to take a different path instead. An interesting offer led you to the elder Alex Burgess and you were hired as a new housemaid for a very good pay. However, your kindness and outstanding empathy convinced the man to give you an additional task for a doubled compensation; gaining the trust of Dream Of the Endless, held captive into the basement for over a century. Despite the shock of finding such an ethereal entity stripped of all his clothes and contained into a confined space, you had to accept for the sake of your father. But the more you got to speak to the mysterious anthropomorphic personification who didn’t utter a single word, the more you were lost into his eyes that, conversely, seemed to contain the entire universe. A deep connection formed between the two of you, separated only by a thick layer of glass.

Little did you know, what started like a simple housemaid job was about to change your life forever.

Credits: The moon dividers were made by firefly-graphics

Tagging: @number-0-iz, @emarich7. If anyone else wants to be tagged in the next updates, let me know! I noticed that Tumblr sometimes won't let me tag everyone for some unknown reason, so if it comes to that I can at least send you a message to notify you.

You can also read this on AO3 if you feel more comfortable!

Warning: This chapter includes detailed smut right at the start.

Morpheus would go to great lengths for you, even crafting terrifying nightmares to fuel your enemy's fears. And sometimes, as you had come to learn, the ultimate outcome truly justifies the methods employed along the way.

The moment you excused yourself with Ella and Oliver, finally able to go home after a thorough interrogation from the local authorities, a whirlwind of thoughts flooded your mind. Maya's presence at the crime scene, the perplexing dilemma of providing a plausible explanation for the pendant emitting light, and the astounding fact that the fire had left you unharmed due to its influence.

Ella's doubts were evident in the unspoken questions reflected in her eyes. She allowed you to leave, refraining from asking in front of her husband, and all you could do was silently depart, by Morpheus' side, as the two of you made your way back to your place.

Although the King of Dreams could have effortlessly transported you directly to your apartment, the fresh air served as a necessary means to clear your head. He walked alongside you, finding solace in the shared silence, allowing you to tightly grip his arm for support. In his company, you chose to forgo the subway and opting instead for a longer walk, but the extended journey didn't bother you in the least. The mere presence of him next to you, without any complaints or need to hurry away, transformed that moment into something enjoyable, despite the prevailing circumstances.

The truth was, you didn't know how to feel. The incident at work had left you with an odd sense of confusion, incapable of distinguishing between shock and relief. Morpheus didn't press the matter, and for the time being, you had no inclination to talk about it. Still, the gears in your brain had already been set in motion, and you couldn't help but dwell on the possibility of Maya intentionally targeting you in the worst of ways.

Accusing her without any concrete evidence would have been a significant leap in the dark, but there were too many inexplicable factors that simply didn't add up. Was her aversion towards you so powerful that she didn't even consider the consequences of destroying her workplace, obliterating everything you had created for the company?

In order to avoid a headache, you made the decision to cast the matter aside, at least temporarily.

As you arrived at your building, you asked Morpheus to stay a little longer, and you were pleasantly surprised when he agreed with a simple yet resolute nod. Although he had been there twice before, the fact you were inviting him inside as a regular guest made him feel particularly hesitant. He focused his attention on your decorative pieces, observing everything as if it were his first visit. At times, he was simply too adorable for you to contain your infatuation.

Since you had already prepared a quick dinner at the office before the fire broke out, all you could offer Morpheus was a drink and a snack, which he politely refused, as he always did.

With your clothes and hair permeated with the strong scent of burnt plastic, you had no alternative but to hastily take a shower to eliminate the odor. Despite your reluctance to leave him alone again after making him wait while you dealt with the police, you refused to be with him in that state.

You rushed through it, washing yourself at lightning speed and barely drying your hair. When you emerged from the bathroom, feeling refreshed and clad in a soft robe, you discovered Morpheus meticulously examining the sketchbook left open on your desk. You observed him with a gentle smile forming on your lips, appreciating his beauty illuminated by the soft orange glow in your room. His long fingers delicately traced over the scattered drawings on the table, and although a part of you felt self-conscious about having your entire work on display, the sense of intimacy you felt warmed your heart.

You embraced him from behind, wrapping your arms around his form and resting your cheek against the back of his shoulder. Instead of immediately turning around, he chose to unwind under your touch, gently stroking your wrists with his thumbs. After a few moments, he rotated slowly and glanced down at you, running his fingers through your partially damp hair. The contrast between his cold hands and warm body always enticed you.

"Forgive me, I forgot to ask," you said, your hands grasping the sides of his coat. "How is Calliope? Did everything go well?”

Even though you had truly forgotten about it after the events of that night, you were starting to feel a bit restless to find out.

"It is done,” he replied calmly.

“Is she free?”

“Yes.”

"I'm glad to hear that," you responded sincerely. "I can't bear to see what my people are doing to all of you.”

"It is not your burden."

"Maybe. But it feels deeply personal to me.”

There was something else that you wanted to ask him, but you were uncertain, wondering if it would be wise to do so. As he glanced at you with patience, waiting, you could tell that he was expecting your question.

And so, it naturally came out of your lips. "Is everything okay between the two of you?”

He averted his eyes, taking a moment to process everything in his mind. "The distance between us cannot be bridged," he began. "But… we have dicussed it."

You nodded, acknowledging his response and accepting it. After all, how could it ever be easy to confront an ex-lover after such a significant amount of time, especially with a history of tragedy that had driven them apart? Even for someone like you, who had relatively straightforward and ordinary experiences, it would still be immensely difficult to encounter any of your former partners.

You let out a sigh, taking a small step back. "Thank you for accompanying me home. I kept you waiting for quite some time tonight, I’m sorry. If you need to leave, I won't hold you here.”

Once again, his lips parted but abruptly stopped, leaving his words unspoken. He expressed his inner conflict through a pout and a frown, clearly wrestling with his own thoughts and emotions.

“Do you wish for me to leave?”

Your heart sank upon hearing his vulnerability and uncertainty.

"Absolutely not," you reassured him. "To be frank, I would love nothing more than to keep you here all night. But, I understand that you have important responsibilities to attend to.”

His eyes glistened, and for a fleeting moment, you were reminded of the first night you spent together. The gentle radiance of the bedside table lamp traced the lines of his face, imprinting that memory upon you.

"I cannot stay all night, but for now, you shall have me.”

He leaned in, closing the distance between you, and tenderly brushed his forehead against yours in a familiar gesture of affection.

You shivered at the contact and asked, "Is there something on your mind?”

Your eyes met, and his desires were unmistakable. You could feel the intensity coursing through your spine like an electric current, causing every fiber of your being to quiver against him.

"Let me be with you," he pleaded, his voice low and filled with longing.

“Morpheus-”

"Please.”

You could feel his desperation and heartbreak as he had to confront his past once again. It was intertwined with your own need to be embraced in his arms, seeking solace and comfort. How could you even consider saying no, when all you wanted was to be loved by this extraordinary and awe-inspiring being who you had the honor of calling your boyfriend?

You pressed your lips against his, relishing the taste and savoring the softness of his mouth. He reciprocated immediately, his hands eagerly pulling at the sides of your bathrobe. The sleeves slipped off your shoulders, revealing a generous expanse of your skin. His lips trailed down to your neck, leaving wet kisses with each gentle peck, while his tongue sensually traced circles on your shoulder, igniting a tantalizing blend of pleasure and relaxation.

Slowly, your breasts were exposed, your nipples becoming taut with anticipation. His lips ventured downward, lavishing attention on the sensitive flesh, leaving moist circles in his wake. As you arched your back, your fingers tightened their grip on his shoulders. He sensually licked and caressed you, handling your breasts with the utmost care and tenderness. It was as if he was afraid of causing you any discomfort, his touch filled with sweetness and devotion.

He switched to the unattended side, prompting a moan of ecstasy from you. The pleasure intensified as he skillfully stimulated your nipples with his fondling, sending waves of delightful sensations straight to your core.

"May I?" he asked, his fingers securing themselves over the knot of your belt, keeping the robe together. He sought permission, waiting for your consent before proceeding.

"Yes," you granted. “I’m yours.”

The depth of your words seemed to darken his gaze, adding yet another layer of intensity to it. You couldn't help but feel a sense of quiet satisfaction as you noticed the contentment that adorned his face.

In a moment, the knot was undone, and the bathrobe opened fully, revealing your entire naked form to him. As he hungrily took in the sight of your full breasts, your stomach, the rosy flush of your clit, and the curves of your upper legs, you let the bathrobe slip from your arms, allowing it to fall gracefully onto the floor. Taking his hands in yours, you shared another sweet kiss before turning on your feet to lead him towards the edge of the bed.

"Could you undress for me?" you asked, your voice laced with a mix of arousal and shyness.

Closing your eyes, a heated blush spread across your cheeks. You heard a delicate "swoosh" sound in the air, and when you reopened them, you found him standing before you, completely bare, his pale figure unveiled in all its splendor.

Just like your first night together, his clothes had seemingly vanished in a cloud of sand, leaving no trace behind. You released a light chuckle, feeling a spark of warmth as you pressed yourself against him again. Your hands traced along his upper arms, exploring him with gentle caresses. Morpheus barely reacted, but a small grin tugged at the corners of his lips, reflecting the amusement and complicity between you.

In spite of his prideful nature, he willingly obeyed, allowing you to guide him to the mattress as you gently pushed him down onto it. You followed suit, positioning your legs on either side of his body, sitting on his lap without fully settling down.

You put your hands around the back of his neck, using it as leverage, while he kissed your collarbones and the top of your mounds. He firmly grasped your waist, holding you in place and adjusting his own posture. You could feel the undeniable hardness pressing against your inner thigh, creating a wonderful friction that intensified the passion in him. Your breath grew hot and heavy, the pulsing and clenching of your walls indicating that you were almost ready for more.

But before succumbing to the temptation, you placed a gentle and delicate kiss on his right eyebrow, bestowing a feather-like touch upon his skin. Moving lower, you brought your lips to his eyelid and the corner of his eye, lingering on his cheekbone before repeating the same pattern on the other side. Morpheus relaxed beneath you, his own breathing slowing down and becoming steady. As he savored every moment, his hands glided up and down your hips, contributing to the sensuous exchange with equal amounts of care.

As you returned to his mouth, you properly settled onto his lap, feeling his erection pressing against your bottom, bending and pulsating. You began to move in a grinding motion, back and forth, generating a spectacular friction between your sensitive nerves and his growing arousal. You were taken by waves of bliss that shook you from head to toe, intensifying as his index and middle fingers met the hood of your clitoris. He had a perfect understanding of how to please you, delivering a massage that catered to your precise preferences. It was difficult for you to restrain the impending release, as it always took him so very little to unravel you.

You let him continue for a moment longer, moaning and trembling atop him. You sneaked your hand downward to grasp his hardness in return, encasing the tip between your fingers and gently stroking it up and down with a flicking motion. He let out a contented hum for the pleasurable attention you were giving him.

Unable to hold back any longer, you brought his erection to your entrance, allowing it to partially slip inside. Morpheus unleashed a low growl, a sound that signaled his surrender as all resistance faded away. And then, he lifted himself up, effortlessly sliding himself fully inside of you.

It felt absolutely heavenly. Words couldn’t adequately express the spiritual connection you experienced, transcending the physical realm as you merged together into one. You lifted yourself up, moving slowly, only to descend again. You repeated this motion once, twice, and then even more, establishing a satisfying and sensual rhythm.

For a few minutes, his hands aided you, following your movements and meeting your pelvis halfway. Nevertheless, as soon as you quickened your pace and exerted more pressure with your thighs, he asserted his dominance by abruptly ceasing your actions and pulling away from you.

He gestured for you to recline on the mattress, where you sank into the comforting softness of the pillows. With your legs spread apart, he situated himself between them and planted kisses on your stomach, slowly descending lower and lower with the most sensual look in his eyes, ablaze with desire for you. Finally, his mouth planted a sweet peck on your pubic bone, teasingly gliding around your clit without making direct contact.

"Morpheus, what are you-"

Your heart raced in your chest as his lips closed around your pleasure center, sending a new rush of exhilarating shockwaves radiating through your body. He was relentless, his tongue licking and suckling on your clit as if savoring the most delectable feast. Despite your warnings and the gentle tug on his hair, he showed no signs of interrupting what he was doing. The unfinished business from earlier had left you on the brink of release, but he was determined to prolong his ministrations, ensuring that you received exactly what you craved.

Everything he did to you was impeccable, and your body trembled in response to his loving efforts. He enveloped your clit with his mouth, occasionally withdrawing only to have it immediately covered by his tongue once more. Again and again, with increasing speed, straight to the point of no return.

Your orgasm erupted like a fierce volcano, causing your body to convulse and tremble uncontrollably. Instinctively, you entwined your legs around his head as the final surge of euphoria subsided. You gasped heavily, desperately trying to catch your breath.

Morpheus's tongue remained firmly pressed against your clit, continuously bestowing pleasure after pleasure until the very end. Only when he was certain that you had reached the peak of ecstasy did he retreat from your core.

He climbed up, kissing on your chin, your lips, and finally your forehead.

"You're terrible," you said playfully, letting out a giggle as you embraced him and repositioned your legs around his waist.

“I am not quite finished with you, my dear,” he replied, equally amused.

Noticing his hardened member pressing against you with even greater force than before, a smile of satisfaction formed on your face. "Clearly."

Morpheus smiled slightly, his hand gliding along your side, while the other delicately encircled his arousal. The view was highly provocative and erotic, immediately awakening your senses. "Turn around for me," he murmured.

Thrilled by his request, you maneuvered and repositioned yourself on the bed, resting your stomach on the silky sheets. Taking care not to put his full weight on your back, the Endless cautiously guided the tip forward, meeting your entrance again. Feeling his hesitation, you aided by spreading your legs wider, raising your hips to create the perfect angle.

The fact that he, with his power and presence, still displayed uncertainty out of concern for your well-being was undeniably endearing. While he may struggle most of the time with controlling his negative emotions, when it came to loving you, his level of consideration surpassed the boundaries of your worlds and extended beyond the universe itself.

As he penetrated you, the immediate contact with your most sensitive spot had you on the verge of mewling, your eyes rolling back in pleasure. Morpheus established a steady pace, thrusting in and out of you with an escalating tempo. His grunts were barely audible, but their vibrations resonated in your ear, causing your heart to flutter with excitement. It didn't take much for you to feel another orgasm building inside.

His fingers intertwined with yours from behind, enveloping you in the most exquisite embrace. You kissed his knuckles, the sounds of sex filling the air, further encouraging him as you whined in response.

"So good," you whispered. "Please, don't stop.”

"I have no intention of denying you this," he said hoarsely. "You are exceptional, thoroughly prepared for me.” With a particularly forceful and powerful thrust, he made you jolt slightly upwards. "And you are mine."

His possessive declaration was the ultimate catalyst you required, and a second orgasm erupted within you, causing your clit to quiver and throb against the mattress. The wave of bliss cascaded down to your legs and rippled up your torso, your nipples reacting as if he were physically touching them.

It felt magical, powerful, and utterly intense. It was a level of intimacy that you had never encountered with anyone prior to him, and somehow, it felt so right, effortless and instinctive that you failed to perceive any of it as indecent. Just like any other private moment you spent with him.

If anything, your confidence continued to expand.

Turning your head to meet his gaze, you panted in exhaustion and moved closer to capture his lips, which he eagerly accepted to offer. He continued to thrust frantically into you, nearing his own climax, as you engaged in a passionate exchange of open-mouthed kisses, tongues entwined in a neverending tangle of love.

"Give it to me, please," you murmured. "Let it go.”

And that's exactly what he did, burying his face in the crook of your neck. His hips jerked forcefully, accompanied by the most alluring grunt that had ever resonated in your ears. His untamed hair brushed against your skin, tickling it gently, as he breathed in the refreshing scent of shampoo from your drying locks.

Taking a moment to bask in each other's presence, you soaked in the warmth that surrounded you. Somehow, Morpheus had the ability to fill even your world with enchantment and wonder, treating you as the Queen of Queens.

"I love you," you expressed. "So much that it takes my breath away.”

Your feelings were unique, unmatched, and transcending ordinary boundaries.

“And I too love you,” he replied. “I deeply cherish you.”

You let go of his hands and completed your turn, facing him fully. Your expression became serious, your smile and contentment disappearing in an instant. "You'll never leave me, right?" you asked earnestly.

Your question caught him off guard, and he needed a moment to process the fact that, for once, it was someone else begging him to stay.

"No. I will not.”

"Promise me," you pressed him, resonating with the wounds of past betrayals. "Promise me that no matter what, you won't break my heart.”

Your relationship with Morpheus had progressed in an unprecedented manner, surpassing all expectations you had when you first met him. Asking him such a question felt somewhat inappropriate, considering that you, as a mortal with a limited lifespan, were destined to grow old and eventually abandon him forever. And yet, you still craved that confirmation, the assurance that you could rely on his unwavering, devoted presence for as long as you existed.

It may have been selfish, but you couldn't imagine it any other way.

Morpheus appeared genuinely sincere, his eyes filled with unswerving convinction. "You have my word.”

With the office partially unusable, Ella invited you to come to her place to discuss matters with Oliver and assess the situation, in order to determine the next course of action. The repair costs were expected to be quite substantial, as they would involve the complete replacement of the electrical panel, two computers that were destroyed, as well as the need for various new components to repair the ones that could be salvaged. Additionally, there would be the expense of furnishing the studio anew and completely repainting its walls.

Although a portion of the apparel needed to be remade, thankfully, none of the approved works and sketches were lost in the fire. Taking everything into account, you were still on track to participate in the Fashion Show, albeit with a slight delay in progress.

Your full work activity was set to resume in the following week, despite the ongoing renovations in the studio. For a brief moment, you found yourself on the brink of expressing your suspicions about Maya, as she happened to still be present when, in theory, she had left the office over an hour before the incident. You wisely chose to keep them to yourself, opting to take a sip of the warm tea that Oliver had kindly prepared.

Now was not the right moment to address it. Or so you thought.

"I just can't understand what went wrong with the electrical system," Oliver remarked, removing his glasses and rubbing his weary eyes. "We perform checks every week, and the last one was just three days ago.”

You stared at the ripples forming in your tea, biting your tongue. ‘Not the right time,’ you repeated to yourself.

"And Y/N was in the studio working just a few minutes before. There were no issues going on there," Ella chimed in, unable to contain her own concerns.

You nodded in agreement. “Indeed. And let’s not forget, the panel was still intact when we went there to check.

“Right,” Ella confirmed.

"But if the electrical panel was fine prior to the fire, what could have caused it?" Oliver pondered aloud. “The authorities are still investigating. Apparently, they can’t rule out the possibility that someone intentionally started it. That’s ridiculous!”

Ella scoffed in disbelief. "That can't be! Nobody else was there apart from the two of us and Amy. Do we have a ghost wandering around the office or something?”

"Yeah, and I'm the Pope.”

A sudden ringing filled your ears, and your stomach clenched tightly, preventing you from taking another sip. You placed the mug on the table, took a deep breath, and interlocked your hands together, attempting to regain your composure and steady yourself.

"Guys, there's something I need to tell you," you declared, finally deciding that it was, after all, the right time for it to be revealed. "I saw Maya in front of the building the other night. I think she's the one who did it.”

The bomb had been dropped, and while you felt a surge of confidence, you were unsure about how your friends would react.

In the end, it turned out that you had set your expectations too high.

"Wait, what?" Ella frowned in confusion, her brows furrowing. "You're not falling back into that 'Maya hates me' obsession, are you?”

Your blood ran cold through your veins, and your expression turned blank. The weight of Ella's words and the implication behind them hit you like a sudden shock.

"Because right now, we have other pressing matters to attend to.”

The realization struck you hard - Ella didn't believe you. Taking a deep breath, you slumped your shoulders against the chair, preparing yourself to face the challenge ahead.

"Ella, this has nothing to do with a paranoid obsession," you asserted, your voice steady and determined. "I have valid reasons to suspect Maya, and I believe it's important for us to consider all possibilities in order to find the truth.”

"Yes, but what reason would Maya have to sabotage her own workplace?"

"I'm not inside her head. I'm just sharing with you what I witnessed."

"So you're suspecting her just because she came back? Maybe she was still nearby when it happened. There was a large crowd gathered due to the incident, after all. That would attract anyone's attention on the street.”

You rolled your eyes in frustration, fighting the urge to slam your hand against the table. "How can you be so blind? I may not have concrete proof at the moment, but can't you see that what she portrays at work is just a façade?”

“Enough!”

Oliver's voice reverberated in the room with a higher note, and when you turned your head, you noticed a look of rage on his face. It was a stark contrast to his usual composed demeanor, and it left you feeling mortified, as if you had disappointed him for the first time.

"Maya has been a part of my team for years. You, on the other hand, have only recently joined," he stated.

The potential accusation in his sentence fueled a mix of anger and hurt. "Ah, I see. So now I'm the one being suspected?”

"Of course not," he clarified, his tone softening. "I trust you, even though Ella may know you better than I do. But still, I cannot allow you to make false accusations against any of my employees.”

You clenched your fists tightly, the pressure turning your knuckles white. "I understand," you said through gritted teeth. "As a new recruit, I suppose my opinions hold little weight in this, or any other matter.”

Oliver sighed heavily. "I'm not saying that your opinion doesn't matter. But I find it difficult to believe that Maya, someone who has been a dedicated member of our team, would go to such lengths to harm you or anyone else. This incident has affected the entire company, including Ella. We must consider all possibilities with care and not jump to conclusions."

You completely understood his point of view, but you hoped that they would at least give you the benefit of the doubt.

"Y/N, I haven't forgotten that Ella is safe because of you," he added. "I appreciate your willingness to protect us. I'm just asking for a bit more patience and understanding as we navigate through this.”

As you glanced back at your friend, you noticed her staring down at her hands in clear embarrassment, caught in the middle of the tense exchange. It felt as though both she and Oliver were cornering you, disregarding your warnings based on their perceived trustworthiness of Maya and the company as a whole.

You didn't expect your confession to be taken lightly, but you had hoped that the years of friendship you shared with Ella would have brought a deeper understanding and insight into your concerns.

"Do you remember the times I mentioned having this strange 'gut feeling' back in high school?" you asked her with hope and apprehension.

Ella immediately looked up, curiosity and recognition flickering in her eyes. “I do, yes.”

"Great. And how many times was I wrong about it?”

She opened her mouth, realization crossing her face as the memories came flooding back. “Uhm… zero.”

"Let's suppose you're right, let's say that hypothetically she was nearby and came to investigate. Did it occur to you that she didn't even come close to find out what was truly happening?” You insisted. “I saw her walking away. If that isn't suspicious enough, I don't know what is.”

They were left speechless, taken aback by your final response without knowing how to react.

You stared at the couple with a stern gaze, pushing the mug forward on the table. The last thing you wanted was to exacerbate the drama in their house, as their personal interpretation of the incident clearly contradicted yours, no matter what you had to say.

"Thanks for the tea," you said curtly, standing up from the chair without saying another word. The tension in the room had reached its breaking point, and you felt the need to remove yourself from it.

"Y/N, wait a second!"

Ella called out urgently, but you didn't pause or turn around to hear her excuses. Determined to create distance between yourself and your childhood friend, you walked briskly to the door, firmly closing it behind you and disregarding her pleas. The sound of your heels clicking on the polished tiles resonated as you descended the stairs, each step reflecting your irritation.

With the possibility that Maya could effectively be the culprit, you knew you had a wild card at your disposal - Morpheus. Intent on uncovering the truth and bringing justice to light, you embarked on this fresh endeavor with a renewed purpose.

The argument with Ella and Oliver had left you emotionally depleted, and a part of you had started to question whether you had acted impulsively or not. From their perspective, it was undoubtedly difficult to believe that someone who had only been working with them for a short time could have a better understanding of a team member than they ever did. Given the situation, it was natural for the couple to support Maya and vigorously defend her against everything you had disclosed.

You trudged to your apartment building, your feet heavy, sighing deeply to yourself and contemplating your next move. Considering Oliver's unwillingness to accept your worries, conducting your own investigation seemed like the most reasonable option at hand.

Yet, a part of you couldn't help but wonder: could they be right? Had you unfairly judged Maya solely based on her jealousy, without considering the possibility that she could have coincidentally been present in the vicinity when the fire broke out, and left out of shock?

Once again, your intuition affirmed that you were not imagining things or creating illusions. You always perceived an unsettling feeling about the way she constantly stared at you, reminiscent of a villain scheming for revenge.

Just as you were about to reach into your bag to retrieve the keys, a gentle meow echoed through the street, immediately grabbing your attention and causing you to slow down. A few feet away, you noticed a mesmerizing black cat staring at you, its eyes sparkling in the darkness. Its fur was incredibly sleek and shiny, resembling silk.

With a cautious smile, you approached the animal slowly and crouched down. The cat maintained complete stillness, calmly seated before you. Despite its non-stray appearance, there was no visible collar around its neck or any form of identification.

"Hey there. Where did you come from?”

The cat purred softly, rising onto all fours and slinking closer to you.

"I'm sorry, I don't have any food with me.”

The feline creature remained composed, appearing at ease in your presence. Its eyes, a captivating shade of light blue, immediately evoked thoughts of someone else.

It was peculiar, but the longer you gazed into those orbs, the stronger your conviction grew that they were far from ordinary. There was an undeniable aura of enchanting power coming from them, something that could only be attributed to a particular being.

For a moment, you dismissed it as an unlikely theory, but the energy radiating from the cat felt oddly familiar, causing you to instinctively utter the name of The Endless.

“Morpheus…?”

The gentle glow emanating from the Moonstone was all the confirmation you needed. The cat brushed its fur against your leg and walked past you, its shadow casting a shape on the ground before gradually transforming into something different. It became larger and taller, eventually taking the form of a man whom you knew very well.

Nothing could possibly surprise you anymore. A wide grin spread across your lips as you stood, the imposing black figure standing right behind you.

"Nice trick," you uttered, pivoting on your heels.

"You are a keen observer," he remarked with a touch of astonishment.

"I would recognize those eyes anywhere."

He offered a faint smile, but it faded as he sensed something unsettling in you.

"My love, what is troubling you?”

The fact that he could perceive your emotions even when they were not outwardly displayed was truly extraordinary.

And so, you recounted it all. “Well, I attempted to discuss my suspects with my friend and her husband, but they chose to label me as nothing more than an obsessive paranoid.”

"Y/N, I extended my offer of assistance. What is it that you wish for me to do?"

Even though you had regarded him as your secret weapon, now that he stood before you, you were hesitant about it. "Are you certain you want to proceed with this? I don't want you to feel like I’m using you for my own benefit.”

Morpheus appeared puzzled, unable to grasp the reason behind your sudden fear. “I assure you, that is not what I think of you.”

"But... it would be unfair for me to take advantage of your power even more than I already have."

“You did no such thing.”

As you pressed your lips together, you found yourself at a loss for words, unsure of what else to say.

“Y/N, someone has attempted to cause you harm. I do not need any other reason to do what you ask.”

You were deeply touched by the protectiveness he exhibited towards you, and you couldn't bring yourself to turn down his plea for support. With a bright smile returning to your lips, you embraced him, wrapping your arms around his neck and letting them rest on his shoulders.

"I have this colleague, Maya Davies, who has been harboring a grudge against me ever since the day of my interview. I believe that she was the one starting the fire, but without solid evidence, I am unable to make a formal accusation.”

Morpheus nodded, his hands gently encircling your waist.

"I wouldn't even know how to prove it, so I was thinking... is there any way you could, I don’t know, persuade her to voluntarily confess her crime, maybe?”

"My love, as the King of Dreams... and Nightmares," he said, emphasizing the last word. "There is nothing I cannot do to 'inspire' mortals.”

You had never been one to seek vengeance, so the fact that you were deriving pleasure from the idea of him unleashing his darkest powers to frighten Maya made you question your own character and become skeptical. However, not only were you endangered by the fire (largely due to your reckless actions), but Ella was also put at risk.

And so, you agreed, expressing your gratitude with a light kiss on his lips.

The music blasted at its loudest, drowning out any other sounds. Despite the overwhelming noise, Maya and the others on the dancefloor remained unfazed. The club overflowed with lively people, bouncing, twirling, and thoroughly enjoying the moment. Maya, too, let go of all her tension and anxiety, releasing them with each graceful wave of her body.

She threw herself into the performance with a boundless energy, exerting all the force she could muster in her impromptu choreography. Yet, despite the intensity she was infusing into her dance, she appeared completely unaffected and didn't break a sweat.

And then, her gaze landed on him. That enigmatic figure dressed in black stood just a few feet away, his long coat skimming the floor. His piercing stare held an intensity she had never seen before, his eyes enthralling and luminous. His dark hair appeared as if someone had just run their fingers through it.

She vividly recalled that moment when she was at the club with her colleagues, and her eyes locked onto him for the first time as he strolled leisurely through the crowd. He was stunningly handsome, fitting the image of the man she had always envisioned for herself. Overwhelmed by a surge of admiration, she couldn't resist taking a bold step forward, mustering the courage to ask him to dance and ensnare him in her charm.

But before she could even approach the man who appeared to be the personification of her deepest desires and fantasies, she was hit with a cruel twist of fate. The universe played a maddening trick on her, revealing that he was already in a relationship with none other than you.

You. The very person who had not only snatched away the job she had coveted for five years, but also seemed to have effortlessly secured it without undergoing a proper trial period. She was Isaac's right-hand person, possessing far more experience than you could ever accumulate. She had undeniable talent and excelled at her work, and yet, Oliver had opted to assign the position to her wife's old friend rather than choosing her.

It was infuriating, disheartening, and incredibly demotivating. Not only had you marginalized her, restricting her to tasks that were beneath her abilities, but you had also managed to find the perfect boyfriend, a partner she could never aspire to have.

She constantly grappled with finding someone who was sincerely captivated by more than just her physical appearance and beautiful face. She yearned for a partner who shared her outlook, didn't see black as a negative, melancholic color, and could embrace her distinct, goth-like style.

This man standing before her embodied everything she wanted, and the fact that she was hindered from getting close to him, once again due to your interference, pushed her to the edge of rage.

She harbored a deep resentment towards you. She needed to possess what you had. She hoped you would step aside and surrender what was rightfully hers.

And so she smiled enticingly at the man, using her long nails to beckon him towards her. He appeared to respond, making his way to her and coming to a stop just inches away from her face. She ceased her dancing, delicately running her fingers along the fabric of his coat. He remained motionless, his gaze fixed intently on hers, not even blinking.

"I was hoping to see you again," she whispered, her voice barely audible over the strangely distant and faint music. "I had no idea you were Y/N's boyfriend. I wanted to invite you for a dance."

He didn't respond, but she was intrigued by his enigmatic aura.

"I wonder what you even see in her. She can be so irritating, always putting on a fake smile and pretending to be innocent," she told him aloud, her inquisitiveness tinged with a touch of disdain.

As she noticed his expression getting cold, she realized that perhaps she should have kept that thought to herself. She felt a complete lack of inhibition, as if all restraint had been cast aside.

"If only it could be me," she confessed, her hands gliding along his chest before enveloping his neck in a tight embrace. "I wish I could have it all."

She parted her crimson lips, attempting to initiate a kiss that held the promise of something more. The man made no move to reciprocate, keeping his hands firmly at his sides, as if her very presence repulsed him.

And then, he spoke. His voice reverberated like an echo, booming and commanding, resonating in her and filling the space surrounding them.

"How far are you willing to go to attain your desires?”

It wasn't a question posed out of mere curiosity. If anything, it had an ominous warning, instilling a sense of terror.

“I… what do you mean…?”

Maya quickly pulled away from him, allowing her arms to drop before she instinctively crossed them, hugging her own upper body in a protective gesture.

“Do you understand the damage your actions could have caused?”

Everything around her plunged into darkness, as if the world had vanished in a puff of smoke. The people in the club and the music disappeared, leaving only the two of them illuminated by a solitary spotlight.

“My actions…? I…..”

"You do know.”

She understood exactly what he was referring to. Deep down, she had been evading the truth, trying to bury it and push it away for the past few days. It was a reality she had contributed to creating, and one she wasn't prepared to meet face to face.

“Please, no…”

"Those women could have endured severe injuries at your hands. Or worse,” he stated with anger and accusation.

She trembled like a leaf, her body quivering uncontrollably. She sank to her knees on the cold floor, her curly hair cascading in front of her eyes, partially obscuring her view.

“I didn’t mean to!”

He began to pace in a slow, menacing circle around her, exuding threat and intimidation. “Perhaps you did not, but the truth of what you’ve done is engraved into your mind.”

She shook her head vigorously. "I didn't know... I didn't think it would... that they…." Her voice trailed off, filled with regret and disbelief. "This was supposed to be Y/N's breakthrough collection. With everything destroyed, she couldn't have participated in the Fashion Show under her own name. We have other pieces that can be showcased, and I have countless projects that I've tried to present to Oliver repeatedly.”

Her nails pierced through the skin of her palms, but she couldn't feel a thing.

“Why couldn't it have been me? Why did he choose to overlook all my efforts?!" She screamed in frustration. “I couldn't let her ruin everything I've worked tirelessly to achieve. I never intended to harm her, I swear! I had no idea they would throw themselves into the fire just to save a pen drive and a few garments!”

Tears streamed down her cheeks, cascading to the floor and pooling into a strangely large puddle. The reflection in the water mirrored her profound distress and heartache.

"You must confess your mistake," he commanded. "Unless you wish to be haunted by your nethermost nightmares.”

“But… I can’t! If I do, I will lose it all!”

Somehow, he appeared to have grown significantly taller, his presence commanding and imposing. "You offer nothing but excuses in an attempt to justify your wrongdoing. You have chosen to walk a dark path in search of a light that will not come to you, not in this way.”

She sobbed uncontrollably, her voice trembling and broken as tears continued to stream down her face. The puddle on the floor grew larger with each passing moment, reflecting a horrifying distortion of herself. In the reflection, she saw a monstrous depiction, with decaying, melting skin that peeled away in patches. Frantically, she touched her face, moving her hands up and down, screaming in terror and gasping for breath.

"So be it," he declared with a somber tone. "If it is darkness that you want, then you shall have it in abundance," the warning was made unmistakably clear as the puddle transformed from salty water to thick, crimson blood, emphasizing the gravity of the consequences.

When she looked up, the man appeared to be gone, leaving her alone in an unfamiliar place. All sources of light had been extinguished, plunging her into the shadows.

Maya awoke with the most severe tachycardia she had ever suffered from, her heart racing uncontrollably. The feeling of emptiness tightened inside her, saturating her insides with a frigid void that she had no idea how to alleviate.

Your peaceful immersion in a captivating new book was abruptly shattered by the jarring sound of the doorbell. Annoyed and displeased, you emitted a grunt of frustration before reluctantly abandoning the comfort of the couch, dragging your feet heavily. As you opened the door, your eyebrow instinctively arched in surprise at the sight of Ella standing before you. Her appearance was disheveled and worn-out, leaving you concerned for her well-being. Pressing her lips together, she mustered a feeble "hi" that barely escaped her lips, conveying her exhaustion and distress.

You instinctively crossed your arms, your gaze darting between Ella and the pink box she held delicately in her hands. It was a sight to behold, with a beautiful red ribbon adorning its top and hand-painted hearts scattered across the container. It exuded an air of intricacy and affection.

"May I present you with an olive branch?" Ella spoke nervously, holding out the box that emitted a delightful aroma of something incredibly sweet. "I made your favorite cookies as a gesture of peace.”

“Are you trying to bribe me? Because it's definitely working,” you replied with a smile.

Your comment effortlessly broke the tension that was holding Ella captive, prompting a delightful chuckle out of her. She shook her head, a glimmer of relief and gratitude shining in her eyes. "It's more of a way for me to apologize. I have been such a terrible friend."

"Don't say that.”

"But it's true! You tried to warn me about something important, and I completely disregarded you. After knowing you for so long, how could I even entertain the thought that you were paranoid? I should have known better than that!”

As you noticed her teary eyes, your heart softened, and any lingering anger dissipated. With a gesture of forgiveness, you stepped aside, granting her permission to enter. "Would you like to come in, or would you rather stay out here playing the self-loathing game?"

She nodded enthusiastically, placing the box into your hands and gently closing the door behind her. Taking a moment to survey your space, she meticulously examined the furniture design and the personal touch you had incorporated into the room. "What a nice place. It looks so...”

“Cozy?”

"I was about to say it is so 'you', but yes, cozy works too."

You watched her attentively as she navigated through the apartment, hesitantly settling down on the couch. Placing the box of cookies on the kitchen table, you couldn't help but notice her nervousness reflected in her movements and audible sighs. There was more to her visit than a simple apology; something weighed heavily on her mind.

That "something" was likely the very thing you had been consciously avoiding in her presence. Nevertheless, you took a seat next to her on the couch, leaning against the back cushions.

"Y/N, I'm serious. I really need to apologize to you. You were right... about the whole thing," Ella said earnestly.

"Are you talking about Maya?" you asked with apprehension and curiosity.

"Yes, she actually came to us this morning. It was quite unexpected, and she looked so pale that I thought she had fallen ill.”

Immediately, you straightened up, tilting your head slightly to the side. “What did she want?”

Ella's words hung in the air, heavy with revelation. "She admitted it. All of it. She told us about the fire, about how she pretended to leave by taking advantage of Amy's distraction. In reality, she was waiting for the right moment to strike.”

Your eyes flickered with realization as you contemplated the situation. "So, that noise I heard when I left the studio...”

"You probably heard her bumping against one of the chairs. It seems that she wasn't thinking straight and acted on impulse. She was certain that we would find out before she could set her plan into motion. Go figure.”

You instinctively massaged your temple, attempting to alleviate the growing stress. “Did she tell you that?”

“Yes,” she confirmed. “She told us everything we wanted to know, and more.”

"Even the reason?”

As you listened intently to Ella's account, the full extent of Maya's motives began to unfold. She had been driven by an all-consuming urge to sabotage your work, hoping to dismantle it and compel the team to start over with her own projects that Oliver had previously discarded. Her confession painted a picture of jealousy and resentment, adding another layer of complexity to the situation.

"This is absurd," you blurted out, your voice filled with a mix of disbelief and frustration. "I can understand her resentment towards me, but what was she even thinking? Starting a fire in the studio could have not only destroyed the entire place, but also endangered the lives of those still inside.”

Ella nodded in agreement, her expression reflecting a mix of understanding and disappointment. "I know," she replied solemnly. "She was so blinded by her fury that she didn't consider the potential damages. She believed that we would discover the fire quickly enough and that the Rescue Service would handle the situation in time. She wasn’t expecting it to spread the way it did.”

“It was a reckless and dangerous gamble,” you concluded. "She could have become trapped inside and injured herself in the process.”

“In a way, she did. She was limping.”

“What are you going to do?”

Ella clenched the fabric of her trousers tightly, a visible display of her inner turmoil. With Oliver taking the lead and contemplating involving the police, her thoughts were muddling her judgment and clarity, leaving her feeling inefficient. The trust and stability she once had seemed to crumble, leaving her in a state of emotional upheaval. The trauma she experienced was exacerbated by the realization of betrayal and deceit.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, you provided a source of support as she rested her head against yours. While you were determined to express your gratitude to Morpheus later, a pang of guilt washed over you for subjecting your friend to a similar ordeal.

It was a necessary action that had to be taken for the sake of the company, but was it truly the right approach?

"We are also to blame. If we had listened to her, if we had given her a chance...”

"Ella, don't go there. What you did doesn't justify any of that. It’s insane.”

Ella sniffled and wiped away a tear before it could roll down her cheek. As she looked at you, she swallowed her pain and allowed the right words to form in her head. There was so much going on inside her, so many things she couldn't easily put together on her own.

It was only a matter of time before she would reach the part you had hoped she would forget.

"Y/N, there's something I want to ask, and I need you to be completely honest with me.”

The moment had arrived, catching you completely unprepared. At that juncture, however, there was no way to avoid it.

“Okay.”

Ella glanced down, fidgeting with her fingers in her lap. "When the electrical panel exploded, you were right there. The fire engulfed you, and I watched, fearing that you would emerge as a charred corpse.”

You couldn't even come up with a plausible lie. There was no way to divert her attention from what she had witnessed.

"I was so terrified... I thought I had lost you in that moment. But when the flames around you died down, you were completely unharmed. No scratches, no scars, even your clothes were untouched.”

Her gaze dropped to the Moonstone resting on your collarbones, its blue flashes swirling across the surface as you breathed. A faint rainbow-like streak seemed to blend with it.

"I saw your necklace glowing. I mean, it was actually emitting a blue light that seemed to illuminate the dilapidated room. At first, I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me from the shock, but then it happened again when you pulled me out.”

You allowed her to continue, remaining silent without saying a single word.

"The flames surrounded us, but somehow... they didn't even reach us.”

“Ella, I-”

"Please, tell me what's happening. Anything will do, just assure me that I'm not going crazy.”

What were you supposed to say? How could you navigate the situation without compromising Morpheus and his identity?

“You’re not going crazy,” you confirmed.

"Okay, that's something," she muttered. "So what, are you some kind of witch? That would at least explain your supposed sixth sense.”

“I’m not a witch. I’m human, Ella. Just like you.”

She appeared to struggle with believing it. "What is that necklace, then? You told me it was a gift from your boyfriend. Is that true?”

You had to approach things with careful consideration, uncertain of what Morpheus wanted you to disclose or keep hidden.

"Ella, please listen to me. I understand that you're confused, but there are certain matters that I can't easily discuss.”

She clicked her tongue. "Come on Y/N, it's me! I promise I won't judge, and I won't breathe a word to anyone. Not even to Oliver if you want to keep this between us.”

Could you really ask her to keep such a significant truth from her husband? While it might not be an outright harmful lie, you couldn't allow her to hide anything from the man she loved. It didn’t feel fair.

"Maybe one day I'll tell you. But for now, I need to ask you to trust me. Please, give me some time.”

She wasn't happy about it, but eventually, she accepted your terms and let the subject go. "If you believe it's for the best, I won’t insist. Regardless of whether you're a witch or not, I owe you my life.”

You playfully bumped your forearm against hers, just like you used to do when you were younger. She took your hands and gave them a gentle squeeze, and together, you both reveled in the joy of rediscovering your sisterly bond.

I wish you all a Happy New Year! May 2024 make all your dreams come true. I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the support I'm receiving since the end of 2022. See you in January with Chapter 14!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 (currently reading) Go to Chapter 14 ->

[sincerely-sofie]

no worries if you aren't sure/rather not answer, take as long as you need, public response over private is okay does schizophrenia come under dissociative disorders, and if not, what's the difference?

i know i have /some/ form of dissociative(-like?) thing, as many people with DID or similar have pointed it out. but i don't have the alters separate memory different people fronting thing. what i do have is myself, logic brain, emotion brain, possibly other stuff, and

the part(s) that's actually relevant here - what feels like a peanut gallery of cptsd-induced hecks reinforcing internalised stuff. why i'm asking is your description of the hallucinations sounds more like them than a lot of experiences i've read, so i'm wondering if it'd be worth me looking into (i'm already in the process of signing up for therapy, but more info for initial assessment always good)

it's definitely not identical because as far as i know i don't hallucinate images or sounds (besides that i used to hear my sibling calling my name when they weren't for some reason?), and i don't know how to identify anything distinctly let alone have mental images of any of them like your drawings, but.

i'd appreciate any insight you may have, but no obligation of course (i know you probably know that already but peanut gallery yells at me if i don't make it clear) thanks even just for reading even if not sure how to answer :)

Media portrayals of schizophrenia vs. dissociative disorders oftentimes blur the lines between them. It's very understandable to be uncertain on which you may or may not be experiencing period--- but throw in the public confusion on the differences and it's a muddy mess to understand their distinctions. ESPECIALLY Dissociative Identity Disorder, oh my goodness. You mentioned DID by name, so I'll be using it and schizophrenia as the main apples and oranges I compare. Keep in mind that there's various forms of schizophrenia and dissociative disorders, though.

(Obligatory disclaimer that I am not a medical professional and the only qualifications I have to answer this is that I'm a field researcher of sorts. Good on you for starting signing up for therapy, PLEASE keep that process going. Do not take my word for gospel. I'm one person with no degree or training. Anyone reading this and relating to the mental illnesses I'm describing here should seek out medical professionals and be particularly wary of self-diagnosis for these disorders.)

The DSM-5 (aka The Big Book of Mental Bad Vibes) classifies schizophrenia and DID under two different umbrellas: psychotic disorders vs. dissociative disorders. They're two distinct, but similar, conditions. Schizophrenia's diagnostic criteria centers on a disconnection from and altered perception of reality. DID's diagnostic criteria, meanwhile, revolves around a disconnection in identity, awareness, and memory. People with a textbook case of schizophrenia, while they likely experience delusions, do not display alters--- though there may be erratic behavior and moods in individuals that can come across to outsiders as such.

While they're very distinct, they have a number of similarities and a distinct amount of overlap between symptoms at times. I've seen statistics saying that anywhere up to 50% of schizophrenia patients meet the criteria for DID--- though I'm personally wary of that statistic, as DID's diagnosis criteria and treatment has been shifting all over the place in recent years and I'm not sure when the statistic was said. It also reeks to me of the fear-mongering a lot of classic horror movies used when lumping the two disorders into a scary boogeyman figure.

All of that context aside, I'm a very strange example of schizophrenia, and my doctor has said at times that the diagnosis was more so something I received because it checked enough boxes and less so because it was something I truly embodied. He's said that if Anxiety with Psychosis were in the books, he'd have given me that diagnosis in a heartbeat. It's not, though, so I got the shiny moniker of Early Onset Undifferentiated Schizophrenia--- which basically means "Your brain exploded while you were a teen and the aftermath sort of fits into this one psychotic disorder's box, but only sort of". My experience with schizophrenia is not typical, and knowing what I know now about my mental health background, I'd say that PTSD and C-PTSD is the strongest overlap with my experience--- just with added psychosis for extra spice. Ultimately, my hallucinations were largely manifestations of my various complexes and neuroses--- this makes them a lot more comparable to thought processes in patients with a form of post-traumatic stress than your average schizophrenia patient's hallucinations.

It's important to note that a small degree of hallucinations / psychosis is normal--- we've all thought we heard a notification from our phone when no such thing happened, and hearing someone call your name when they actually didn't is a pretty typical experience. It's not cause for immediate concern. Heck, I thought hypnagogic hallucinations were part of my diagnosis--- it turns out over half the population experience them!

TL:DR; if my description of my hallucinations resonates with you, you're more likely to have some form of trauma or anxiety disorder than straight up schizophrenia or DID. I'm a weird case, and the way my hallucinations formed was apparently very atypical. So I really would recommend looking into the anxiety disorder / trauma angles before you start gaslighting yourself into questioning your perception of reality. Check out Cognitive Behavioral Therapy strategies. The ones described in this workbook in particular ultimately did more for my recovery in the end than medication did--- and medication did a lot for my recovery. Absolutely keep seeking out therapy, because you need a medical professional to sift out whatever may be going on in your head--- ESPECIALLY if you suspect a psychotic or dissociative disorder is at play. Others with disorders might be able to identify someone with a similar condition, but they may also be only identifying symptoms which merely overlap with their own experiences. They are not professionals. Their word is valuable, but ultimately you need a doctor for this kind of thing.

[l3ppa]

okay i lied im not done rambling bc tazercraft are causing brain rot- so sorry if this a mess idk how to articulate my words well (also all will be refering to cubitos so i dont have to put q! all the time)

Okay what I need to talk about is the complicated and borderline toxic co-dependency that Pac and Mike have.

The two are obviously attached at the fucking hip, theres entire head canons of them having a “soul link” and shit bc of just how attached they are, and I think Mike’s change in behavior highlights that perfectly.

He came back odd, erratic, and generally off, but what really got me was when he started going after Fit seemingly out of nowhere. He shows up and the second he sees just how close Pac and Fit have become he tries to get in between them. He makes it extremely obvious that he is NOT happy about their bond, with the constant threats towards Fit when Pac can’t hear, and saying things like “I don’t trust you around him.” His behavior is teetering the line of possessive, and honestly it might have crossed that line already.

I think the reason Mike is behaving this way is because for a long time, they only ever had eachother, and they only ever needed eachother and no one else. Mike is seeing Pac gain that independence without him and he seems to be bothered by it.

The thing is, it’s not a one sided dependency, because Pac is just as dependent to Mike. The fact the he immediately wants to believe what Mike is saying, so much so that he’s ignoring obvious signs that something is wrong is very telling. Like in my previous post, they would both rather be with broken versions of each other then with none at all. That thought, is so sad, because instead of wanting to face the issues and risk losing eachother, they would rather ignore them because they know then that they won’t be separated.

Their dynamic is just as heart warming as it is gut wrenching. They are each other’s life force but also eachother’s poison, and the way they are so willing take that poison in fear of losing eachother makes me ill.

okay now im actually done (for now.)

[geodetojoy]

ALRIGHTY i am no longer busy so heres my full thoughts on Newsies :DDD

tagging @royallygray and @mysteriouswolf if yall wanna read :D

ok this shit got LONG so the rest is under the cut

GOD where do I even start its beautiful its wonderful its emotional i love it so much

Ill try not to copy my intermission thoughts too much (if you havent seen those here they are)

Ok lets talk about the history of it. A quick google search says its based on a strike in 1899, and Roosevelt ran for presidency in 1901, so we'll just say the musical takes place in 1899 too (correct me if theres a different confirmed time).

During this time, work conditions are absolute shit, monopolies and trusts are on the rise, and the concept of a union has recently emerged. I really didnt need to say much of this bc its apparent in the musical, but i love historically accurate stuff so deal with it /lh

And in the musical we see the beginnings of Roosevelt's trust-busting and ideas of social equality that he acts on during his presidency (it also kinda ties into his environmentalism stuff a bit too!)

And after reading up a bit on the strike the musical was based on, a lot of the effects of the strike in the musical were historically accurate too! the newsboys could sell back papers they werent able to sell on the streets, but the price was unfortunately not yet lowered. (also, the names of the publishers in the show are historically accurate as well!!! makes my little history brain happy :DDD )

SO whats the point of all of my rambling here?

people make historical art all of the time. we see it in musicals like Annie, Hamilton, and so so many more. obviously this goes beyond musicals here, but since newsies is a musical ill try to stay with that topic.

anyway, we learn about history to learn from it. we see these past issues that our previous generations struggled with, in these art forms as to be easily digestible, and we discover their solutions. we get to see the humanity behind the issues and the conflicts they faced to overcome them. and ofc its not the only reason, but one reason these stories are told with art is to bring attention to them. people are way more likely to listen to music than study a historical textbook. so, they make it entertaining. they make relatable and lovable characters. they make people care about the show and subsequently the issue itself. all of this is to explain how and why things that happened in history are bad as to never repeat them again.

We see these topics of worker mistreatment, corrupt businesses, child labor, gender/sex inequality, and the class separation all brought to the spotlight in this show, and it does a damn good job of showing the pain and suffering they cause. the story of this show is incredible and so very important to learn about.

OK now onto the actual musical itself im done nerding out

ive done a lot of charater analysis already in that intermission post bUT WHO SAYS I CANT DO MORE HAHA

im saving jack for last bc theres so much to unpack there

KATHERINE MY LOVE <3333

Everything about her being a girlboss absolutely remains the same shes INCREDIBLE

and holy shit PULITZER'S HER DAD???? i love her even more. she directly ran away from an easy life to follow her own dreams and pursue her own passion from scratch. incredible. inspiring. mwah

i also just love her personality. shes so bubbly and happy and passionate and bright and optomistic shes the best <3

oh god crutchie. hes absolutely my favorite btw im sorry everyone else i adore him <33333

GOD his prison song actually killed me. im fully dead. deceased.

THE NEWSIES ARE SUCH A FAMILY GAHHH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH RAHHHH

the sheer ecstasy i felt when he came back and hit Snyder with his cane i could not stop stimming MY BOYYYY

the absolute definition of sunshine character. he sees everything as glass half full and wants just the brightest future he deserves the absolute world

and ik i talked about it earlier but i adore how they take such a neutral opinion about his leg. people give him shit for it, and his brother beat them to a pulp. its just a part of him and they love his whole being, so why would they not love that about him too?

Les only got better as the show went on. i thought he was a smartass before LMAOO

AND THE DATE BIT??? WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM???? AND IT JUST NEVER GETS BROUGHT UP AGAIN LMAO WHAT

i think the biggest change i felt towards a character was Davey

he grew on me soooooo much his character growth is everything to me

he went from trying to stay out of their business to teaching them what a union was to helping them start it to running it himself when jack ran off to convincing jack to come back when times got tough he is sooo important to the story

and to me. hes important to me <3

OH AND RACE

i saw people mention the name before but i didnt know which he was until they addressed him directly I LOVE THAT GUYYY

especially in king of new york hes got such a big personality what a silly guy

OK now for the guy the silly the mc jack

At the beginning he is entirely driven by both his love for his family and ofc his dream of living in Santa Fe, but atm hes just trying to get by so hes more focused on the newsies. but a boy can dream

then he gets all caught up in the strike business and only focuses on that for a while bc he wants to protect his boys

then shit goes south. they get essentially jumped, and crutchie gets hurt and arrested.

and he thinks, what was it all for? if he couldnt protect his brother (never living that down btw), whats the point of even trying to strike anymore

so he changes his focus back to santa fe. the one thing hes still got going for him.

and he gets confronted by katherine, les, and davey, and they knock some sense into him. stopping the strike isnt going to take away any of the harm done. the danger is expected, theres no way any of this could go down without some form of a casualty. so why not try to do something about it. the only way to make this situation better is to get back in the game and keep pushing for change.

and ofc the thing with katherine which ill talk abt a bit more later

in all of this, something in him changes. he dreamed of santa fe, a simpler life, one where he didnt have to worry about having to afford food and clothing for the next day.

but what he never considered was the loneliness. sure, he offered to bring crutchie and katherine with him, but hed be leaving behind so many more. and thats when he realized he never needed to get out, he just needed things to change a bit. and they did! because of the strike, living became so much more affordable. no it wasnt perfect, but it was enough to be safe and secure, just like he wanted. and he had his family beside him the whole time.

ill admit that before i sat and thought about it for a while, this ending was really unsatisfactory to me. i mean we got how many santa fe reprises? all for naught?

but in reality, santa fe would never be enough for him. hes just so used to this life surrounded by the people he cares most about and doing everything in his power to protect him, hed just be so bored, so understimulated, and hed just continue to yearn for more. that path of wanting would never come to a conclusion and hed live his life never truly being happy. so i really do thing he made the right choice in staying, because new york became his santa fe. he didnt need to seek it out, it came to him.

Ok now with him and katherine

ill start by saying i do really adore them. i feel like a lot of what im about to say might seem like i think otherwise, but i truly do think theyre very sweet

ok so every interaction of theirs in act one was. very uncomfortable to say the least. he honestly seemed really predatory at times and it just really felt like an old-timey romance where the girl doesnt know her worth so she flocks to any guy that shows interest in hr bc she thinks its her only purpose

now obviously that is NOT the truth, those were just my first impressions. Katherine is extremely capable of taking care of herself and deciding what is and isnt right for her, she likes jack purely because she can and does. she knows her worth and just likes him bc she likes him, no strings attached

i will say the first kiss kinda caught me off guard lmao. like i knew they were gonna be a thing but that is NOT how i expected that to go down. its likely just bc of my aroace-ness but i saw no sign of them actually getting together prior to that, aside from them being the main man and leading lady in the show so ofc they have to be together. i mean ig her reaction to him drawing her was a bit of a hint but still. ok maybe its just bc im demi. hadnt thought abt that until now. damn. is this a normal thing? maybe it is. maybe im being too harsh. idk lmao

anyway ill admit the kiss was successful in getting his attention and getting him to listen to her so ill give it that lmaoo but tbh i did tune a bit of their song out bc it started to make me a bit uncomfy but i did liste back to it later on. they really seem to have a healthy relationship where they both care about the other and know the other is strong enough on their own, they just both want to be a part of the other's life. its really sweet! theyre so supportive of each other!!! green flags all around!!!

the bit with him learning shes pulitzers daughter was really interesting to me. at first she tries to talk to him but he kinda brushes her off, but from then on he just kinda has full faith in her? i mean yeah he gets upset about it bc he thinks she lied to him, but i dont think he thought she had any ill intentions. that was a complicated sentence lmaoo damn. i think he really understood that she wanted to help, he was just caught up in a lot of Feelings and was afraid that she wasnt trustworthy despite him still trusting her. and then he let her explain and from then on they fully support the other and trust each other immensely

so yeah first impressions were a bit iffy but i think theyre very sweet <333

OK GOD CAN I GUSH ABOUT THE STAGE DESIGN FOR A BIT???? GAHHH

i mean the moving stairs and scaffolding arent new. i know this. but just the way they frame scenes with the scaffolding is stunning. the chase scenes??? dude. enthralling. the bits where theyre in the city and they have people just up their acting like civilians? SO cool. makes it incredibly more realistic and believable. and the way they projected images onto the curtain-like things they pulled down was extremely creative!!! like in theory its such a simple design. it was literally nothing more than the scaffolding and stairs, and a few tables and wagons and such in certain areas. but they did SO much with it it was hard to believe it took place on a stage. ofc the filming helps with that but still. the start felt like it was on the roof of the building bc of a combination of the lighting and the use of just one of the scaffolding pieces. and when theyre in buildings, the wall of scaffolding works really well as a backdrop!!! and i already talked about the city street scenes, it fits perfectly. god its so inspiring id love to be behind something like that one day

OK AND THE CHOREO??? the sheer ENDURANCE of these people HOLY I COULD NEVER. THE FLEXIBILITY? THEYRE ALL LITERAL GYMNASTS WTF ARE THESE FLIPS AND HANDSTANDS IM SORRY???? holy shit its all SOSOSO impressive

oh my god i havent even talked about the MUSIC yet

if i had to choose a favorite song, a, i would punch whoever told me that in the face, and b, i would simply combust bc i cant choose just one

my top three tho would have to be between king of new york, carrying the banner, and crutchies prison song (idk the name its not on spotify :'((((( ) in no particular order

i havent had them on repeat enough to have any memorized, but i did remember santa fe, carrying the banner, and the world will know from the last time i watched it and i belted along to all the parts i knew this music is so good at hyping me up I WANNA START A UNION

and oh my god katherines voice???? stunning. her song is sooooo good. her part in king of new york is incredible. i love her <3

jesus christ this post got out of control. im still not done lmaooo

ok one thing that really has nothing to do with the musical itself is just the fact that it reminded me of so many other musicals ive seen at specific parts, even some of the songs sound like others i know.

Santa Fe really reminds me of Maybe from Annie, both music-wise and lyric wise. i mean theyre both "i want" songs so it makes sense but i feel like they sound kinda similar too. honestly a lot of the music sounds like Annie, but maybe its just the types of instruments used and thats just how musicals sounded when they were made. i think they were made about the same time. *checks spotify* ok well the newsies i listen to was produced like 40 years after Annie so maybe that just a stylistic choice-

idk why but the beginning of watch what happens sounds like the intro to reginas speaking part in meet the plastics lmao-

oh and brooklyn's here has the same beat as the military from Seussical but thats just bc its a marching song lmao. its also the same beat as the spanish alphabet song my spanish teacher used to use!

ok and this one really doesnt make sense but something to believe in reminds me of the power in me from Twisted lmao- kinda similar message ig? and sound vaguely similar? but idk it really doesnt make too much sense

i should. i should sum it up. this is getting out of hand.

okay i love this musical sm. clearly. do you see how long this post is. i was missing out when i refused to listen to it previously. oh my god.

and for some reason it really makes me wanna go watch my favorite musical so im ending this here TO YOUTUBE I GOOOOO TY FOR READING IF YOU DID AND TY TO ROYAL FOR UNINTENTIONALLY PUSHING ME TO WATCH THIS HAVE A GREAT DAYYYY

[dilatorywriting]

hello ~ hello ~

Hope you're feeling better! I, personally, have been a bit dead to the world since late April. This past May was kinda odd, honestly. I think everyone I know and know of just. died for the month. Collectively. At once.

I actually wanted to slide in here and pick your brain about your ongoing Monster Mayhem stuff, if you're up for it? Just like a general status overview question, since I feel kinda out of the loop 😭 And also because I know that I tend to like talking about my feelings on my current wips, so I figured maybe you might too? If not, dw!

I'll put these in bullet points since it's kinda easier for me to organize my thoughts that way

Jack: I remember you saying awhile back that you expect Part 2 to be the final part. Is that still holding up, or does it feel like it'll be longer?

Rook: From the pacing, I'm getting the vibe that this one might be another 4 part story? mayhaps? Or maybe Rook isn't like the other girls TM and gets something different.

Vil: I haven't read this one yet, but I'm excited to sit down with it soon! What's the overall length/number of parts you're planning for at the moment?

I'm pretty sure this was asked at some point before, but what's your stance on epilogues? There has been... discussion. about a Leona epilogue before, I recall, but are you considering epilogues for all of them, or only specific characters?

What's like. your vibe, rn? With each of the stories? Like in terms of "I'm really feeling this, so I'm working on it and it might be posted in the nearish future, assuming no disasters" to like "I plan to continue this, but not rn. I've got a different worm chewing on the brain lettuce atm". Ik you literally just answered an ask similar to this, and said Leona part 4 & Vil part 2 are the one's you're focused on, so I guess this is more so geared towards the Jack and Rook ones? Or other stuff you're secretly planning. I have a vague memory of a "forgot your birthday" scenario that was on a poll a few months back

I'm honestly just curious, really. Back from the dead and wanted to catch up

Also I. have a third Monster Mayhem Azul brainrot. It's not a fluffy one. If I can wrangle it into something more coherent, I may send it your way. Not dissimilar to the fashion of throwing a pebble at someone's window to get their attention, but accidentally putting a hole through the glass, and taking off running.

-Reaper

I'm gonna put this all under a little cut thing just because I feel like there's quite a lot! So here we go~

Jack -- It would still only be two parts I think! I only had short plans for that going forward, and it's currently at the bottom of my bucket list so to speak, not for any big reason just because Jack isn't one of my favorites so he falls behind on what I actually want to write.

Rook -- Was a bit more up in the air in terms of what I wanted to do. Had started writing a third part for it, but Rook's in particular felt very like, episodic? If that makes sense? Rather than an overarching cohesive arc. So I could write so much more little random side stories! But aside from a bit I had sort of planned regarding Riddle, there wasn't too much specific I had in mind.

Vil -- Probably one or two more parts to wrap up what I wanted with him; most likely one of the same length as the first. But that one of all of them may get a separate little piece because I am such a sucker for mermaids/sirens soooo that may get some special love

Epilogues -- bit of a mish mash. Really depends how I'm feeling tbh. If I want to write something, I'll word vomit like no one's business, but if I'm not overly invested then I probably won't bother writing one. But again

Vibe Check -- I’m absolutely wiped. Not with these stories, because I do genuinely love them. But like, back to back tough placements on top of illness is a trip. So I’m a bit more tired and less motivated than I normally am, just because most of my brain is chewing on actual school work and case reports and trying to not make myself look like an idiot every time I’m asked for a diagnosis list and go “uuuuhhhhhhhh.” But! I have some brain worms. Right now — big thing I’m working on is the second half of a very long commission. Which is loads of fun but also there’s so much to chew over there, so that takes a lot of my brain. On the side, I was really also writing my Vil Siren Part 2. Because that’s also a lot on the brain and it’s very different Vibe to the commission, so like it’s a good one to go back and forth between depending on what mood I’m in. Jamil is also very On My Brain right now oddly enough. I think because I read a short little Naga piece a while ago and it reminded me how much I love them. So that's on my brain a lot. As for the others, Jack has sorta fallen to the wayside admittedly. Mostly because I adore him as a Bro, but he’d just not usually a character my brain swoons over, so he’s sort of just… existing. I also wasn’t entirely sure where I wanted to go with that other than just “oh wow we fixed it together!” And that’s a factor too. As for other things, the birthday one comes back and forth depending on my mood, but idk if that’ll ever go up. I have lots of it written, but not enough to post or really toss together straight away. If that makes sense

[actualbird]

// main story 10 spoilers

finished main story 10 today and came here like i need to know what zak reptilianraven actualbird thinks about this!!! because everything drove me insane!!!

like I didn't REALIZE it was luke cause i thought it was like the episode opening cont. and not a different scene where the story actually starts. so when he showed up and started agent raven-ing i actually yelped in surprise. MY POOKIE IS HERE???

and I'm so happy that we actually got more of a glimpse into the guys' other activities!! i think the reason they isolated mc in ms9 is more to focus on her personal doubts and how those are playing into the story as we see in ms10 (all the talks with artem and her internal monologues like OHHHHH my sweet baby girl (not babygirl but baby girl iykwim). but i did enjoy seeing what everyone else was getting into while we were busy and shit.

(also no followup to the luke thing but everyone is busy. and im pretty sure rosa thinks it's a chronic illness that's gonna be with him forever not one that's gonna kill him in a few years)

the prank with artem??? celestine u big brain. the lift prank?? hilarious. his cn va did so good i laughed so hard at his voice trying to be scary.

artem and vyn doing Undercover Sneaky Guy Shit was so hot actually. like yes pretend to be a hot villain to the lady ur in love with and be Angry and Mean because they almost killed her :) hot.

although what we've learned about vyn this chapter is actually God Damn what the fuck did he do in his past life to not only be born to separated parents as a mixed child where one is Svartan Royalty and the other is like Stellis Mafia. no wonder he's like that. matthew richter was gorgeous i cannot imagine how stunning his mother is. i will Die once i see her.

marius didn't get as much of a focus but heheh. this is so good. delicious. yummy. More Vyn and Marius Rivalry material. he's so hot when he's being a boss but also he was so sweet and silly about sending us the info. marius 4lyfe i was obsessed with his every scene

all in all im glad that it doesn't seem to be the nxx actually being divided but the plot is getting thick and they're spreading out to deal with separate roots. teamwork <3

oh god this got so long i apologize for being so rambly. i will now close this off with JEROME WHEN I CATCH YOU JEROME. JEROME WHEN I CATCH YOU!!!!

// main story 10 spoilers

WAHHH hello hello!! lemme go through all of these one by one because i do indeed have some thoughts on it all

on luke being the waiter: ME TOO ME TOO I DIDNT THINK IT WAS GONNA BE LUKE BUT WHEN IT WAS I WAS LIKE OH BOY. OH MY SWEET BOY //Raven Mode Activates. OH MY HOT RUTHLESS BOY

on the other boys’ activities: yesssss i adored this too. i love it in any main story chapter when we have like little scene breaks away from the main boy of the chapter to show what the others are up to cuz then those differing threads eventually come together to wrap themselves up again

on luke’s illness: NOW THAT U MENTION IT…..THAT MAKES SENSE, SHE PROBLY DOES THINK IT’S CHRONIC AND NOT TERMINAL. my memory is bad, but yeah im not sure if luke actually fessed that part of his diagnosis/prognosis, he just said he was sick. i think if she did know it was currently deemed to be terminal, she would be much much more worried about it

on the prank with artem: that entire elevator scene is seared into my brain with how hilarious it was. the cn va needs an award for that. he was so good at acting like he was bad at acting jkhVKJAHVFKAJHF

on artem and vyn sneaky guy shit: as disturbing as The Sauna and The Auction were, artem and vyn were—and i cannot stress this enough—SO COOL IN THEIR ACTING. the oscar award goes to them. my favorite bit in the sauna scene was when vyn told mc to threaten him like HOO BOY he knows how to stage a SCENE

on vyn’s family: YEAH I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE REINA RICHTER TOO GOSSSHHH and yeah in general vyn’s family situation is so horrendously complicated on both sides now jsdfhsvlBJKL. i have nothing to say about this because im honestly rather behind on reading vyn’s cards (I HAVENT EVEN WATCHED HIS SECOND ANNIV YET…..OR ANYBODY ELSE’S ASIDE FROM LUKE’S AHAHSKHJFJSH) so im not in the best position to be talking that in depth about it til ive experienced more of the Lore

on marius being so hot being a boss: marius is indeed so hot when being a boss

on the nxx schism (?): yeah yeah i also got that vibe too!! from ms9’s sheer hostility, ms10 was much more relaxed, probably because none of the boys interacted with each other as much. but i also wonder if ms9’s intense hostility was caused in part because luke was the main partner for that, and he was going through a Pretty Tough And Frustrating Time. here, since there wasnt any interaction between the boys (even between vyn and artem, who were both at the auction. it was ogier who led mc to artem) there wasnt any scene for the prior hostility to play out. so right now, im unsure if this means that the nxx schism is still happening or that we simply didnt get a chance to see it again in action, so it’s got me very interested for how things will play out in the next story, especially now that marius Knows What He Knows

on jerome: on gods we gotta get eVERY CHILD THE FUCK AWAY FROM JEROME ADAMS!!!!!!!

thank you for the ask :D

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

cracks knuckles. so, been just trying to gauge overall reception with this, but what are your thoughts on the fan made return to the bunker episode? i’ve noticed glowing reviews from people who vaguely describe it—hit the character vibes right, jokes were cool, i liked the art, etc, but scathing ones from people who go more into detail—stan would never be this explicit in his desperation, ford was never this outcast or terrified of himself/others nor did he consider dipper as below, the entire thing was misogynistic, etc. so, what’s your opinion?

i did say i wasnt going to talk/reblog anymore posts about return to the bunker, but ill answer this anyway

i feel its kind of important to say right off the bat that i never finished the episode and i certainly dont intend to. i never even got to one of the b plot scenes with stan and dipper. i stopped around the bit where they got into the bunker and ford started trying to warn them about the shapeshifter. the clearly-not-ford-ness radiating off of 'ford' was too much to ignore and i couldnt finish it

anyway- what was good about the episode? well, the art and voice acting, for sure. during the first part, it also seemed like they had gotten the characters down pretty well and i thought some of the jokes were good.

in the first part.

and then mabel comes in. this is around the time real ford goes missing and fake ford shows up. no there arent two fords in the actual episode, its just that the difference between them is stark enough that theyre completely separate entities in my mind. anyway

i noticed that the sweater thing was weird to a lot of people. glad im not the only one that was extremely confused by the guy wearing a sweater saying it was too hot to wear a sweater. maybe it was meant to be a joke? it really just came off as ford trying to make excuses not to wear mabel's sweater.

which- its not like him not wanting to wear the sweater cant coexist with him liking mabel. maybe its a situation where he doesnt want her to see all his scars, or maybe he doesnt want it to get ruined when he goes to beat the shit out of the hawktopus (since yknow that was kinda the whole point of him being outside)

the point im trying to make here is that it really seems like the episode is just trying to paint ford as unreasonable and not liking mabel. speaking of which-

the way ford treats mabel is uncharacteristic. the first time we ever see ford smile in the show is when he's meeting mabel. he literally says 'i like this kid, she weird!', why are we acting like he doesnt like her?? genuinely confused. who looks at the way he was treating her in the episode and goes 'yeah fords just like that'?

sorry, anyway, last thing i have to say-

the entire bit where theyre making their way through the bunker struck me as a bit odd. it sorta felt like the episode was trying to make a joke out of ford and his wariness about the place? hes trying to guide mabel and some other kids he barely knows through the place, theyre rushing ahead (which cant be good for his paranoia), and for some reason when theyre getting close to shifty and hes trying to warn them its framed as him being melodramatic?

shifty locked his friend in a cabinet and pretended to be said friend so it could catch a look at the creatures in ford's journal and start transforming into them. i think hes allowed to be a bit cautious/afraid about meeting shifty again

and some bonus stuff ive heard about below:

ive heard that ford wipes their memories with the memory gun. he was a victim of it (implied or directly stated multiple times- who wants to bet hes got brain damage from that?) and he struggled so much to use it on stan in a situation where it was necessary to keep the world from ending. no, theres no way ford could just hit them with it like that

ive also heard fiddleford shows up and ford is weirdly antagonistic to him? 'im sorry fiddleford' is a phrase running through ford's mind on the constant for over thirty years and his first reaction to seeing fiddleford again is to apologize to him and assume he hates him. according to the journal, he actually mentioned to everyone else in the shack that he was wondering what happened to fiddleford. its implied he did that several times.

i dont have anything else to say and i dont know how to end this so. thats all. thank you for the ask and sorry if anything i said here sounded aggressive at all. not my intention.

uh moral of the story: i didnt like it :(

[harleythealter]

Talkin about my OCs

I’ve always been nervous to express to most people how my characters exist. They understand that I’ve made up each character, what they wear, how they appear, but I haven’t explained to them that they live in my head. My brain whispers that it would be obvious that they live in my head, they were made there.

But what I mean is that they sit around a circular fire and talk. Around them and underneath them is a black so dark it doesn’t exist. They sit on the right side of my mind, and observe the world through my right eye. Anybody remember on the jungle gyms or McDonald’s play space where they had a plastic semicircle and you could sit in it and observe, my eye is that circle. Although it’s a massive one to them, much larger than my real eye is. And they talk to me, offering their thoughts and opinions and let me enter or exit this circle they’ve made around the fire. And sometimes they step up and act as if they’re right next to me, walking beside me in school. During this, they offer more than I want, sometimes. But I’ve convinced them to only talk one at a time. Because then I can hear them all better. But it’s like having a deep friendship and they all live inside of me. And it’s beautiful.

But how do I explain that in vocal words to the people who are curious about it. How do I explain that we have conversations every day that are entirely separate from their experiences as a character in my stories. Because Harley is just Harley in my mind, he’s not connected to all of the backstory and future story that I write with him. Of course he’s got his bf Madelyn right there. They cuddle and hold hands, but when they’re in the circle it’s mostly about who they are and their relationships than the physical world. (Imagine that. It’s quite close to how I live life lmao).

Why would I be so worried, right? I explained just fine here. Well 1) Y’all seem to be less judgemental 2) I have tried and the words don’t word right 3) I have already been asked “so do you see them…” or “do they talk to you?” in cautious words. Not only did I base my assumption they believe I’m mentally ill on how they said it, but I directly asked and they admitted to wondering if I had DID. I didn’t ever answer their question because the answers were yes, but I know I don’t have DID. Because it’s different than that. I think?

How I attack it: I doubt I have DID because I’m fully aware of them and although they all hold specific parts of me, I’m in control. And although some people with DID do always have some or total control, it just doesn’t seem to fit. And even if I did have DID, I’m functional and these are the people who saved me. They were the reason I got through everything that’s happened in my life. I wouldn’t do shit to make them go away. They are me, I made them and gave them parts of me. Also I would be really fucking lonely if they went away. Although I have my people, they all have their own people and not many of them consider me their people. My brain works quite differently than them, not in an elevated or lesser-than way. But it just does and it isolates me. But my characters get this. They understand because they are me.

So. Idk what the fuck to tell people in these conversation—just remembered why I started talking about it.

Recently my mom found a therapist who really works for her. And she talks about parts in the brain. And there’s a time part or a sad part and to put them all in a room and it’s so fascinating that my mom kinda understands now because she talks to those parts and tries to hear them and calm them. And my parts have been manifested as characters. But a little different. My characters hold more than feelings or a task. Because they’re a whole person—well her time parts are whole. But how I meant my words was my characters’ identities are not just their task or their emotion. They’re different.

But I still see the way my mom and I can sorta connect on this in our own way. I still get nervous to tell her or disclose it all because my characters are private and careful about who they tell.

Anyways. :p if any of y’all read this lengthy stuff and are more curious or wanna know more about the specifics or who they are, use my ask box or messages if that’s a strong preference for you.

[prismaticutie]

Lumi lore ending explained

Hi everyone! I want to make a post addressing my experience w mental illness in the past year(s)

It's going to be a very long post but before I get into it, I want you to know that I'm more or less happy with where I'm at currently! I just want to talk about my mental illness and what it's been like for the past year or so

If you're not interested in that just skip this post okay ty <3

TW: suicide, mentions of self-destructive behavior

- - -

This is gonna be a long ride so strap in pals. I should also clarify I don't know the technical terms that would apply to my situation. I don't want a diagnosis on this, I just want to talk about it.

Let's talk about Cyrus. If you know me, you probably know that I've been obsessed with the guy for a little over a year now.

It goes past the point of obsession. He lives with me. And he has, for the past year, mentally.

I like to think of him as my "mental aid" or sometimes even my "caretaker". I don't consider him a "fictional other", although I suppose the nature of our relationship might look that way to someone else.

Already this is a lot to take in, but allow me to explain.

I have had a history, since about 2019 or so, of having fictional characters reside with me inside my head. It started out as just talking to characters, like any imaginary scenario. But then it grew to be more.

I would talk with them about everything going on in my life, live out entire storylines with them, and it got to the point where they would advise me in what to do with my life.

There were two other characters before Cyrus. Characters rarely exist simultaneously. Before Cyrus, characters would only be present for a few months, then disappear for a few months, then come back or be replaced with another character. That new person would stay for a few months, and the cycle would continue.

These characters were there to help me. To guide me, to serve as my subconscious and voice of reason.

And to provide emotional support when I needed it and felt I couldn't confide in anyone who was real. This often led to a sense of closeness and to me developing emotional attachment to the characters, to the point of even seeing them as "fictional others".

I knew the characters were not real. I know they are not real, were never real, and will never be real. However, I still choose to rely on them and develop relationships with them.

It is not normal. It is not conventional. I am fully well aware that they are not real. But at the end of the day, it's my mental illness, and this is the coping mechanism that helps me the most.

Cyrus has been around for over a year now. He has not taken a break for a few months, he has not waivered, he has not left for any reason. This makes him extremely different from the previous characters that have been in my mind.

Cyrus is with me pretty much every second of the day. He is my guide and advisor in life. He serves as my voice of reason and as a reflection of my own self.

We've only ever been apart for maybe a few hours at a time. I spend most of the day talking to him about anything really, we do everything together, and he helps me, all the time.

Separating him from me would, in all honesty, probably kill me.

I have not been well. My circumstances are awful, to put it lightly. I'm severely mentally ill and unable to get any sort of therapy or medication due to the aforementioned circumstances.

Without Cyrus to help me, I would probably give into the suicidal urges that I struggle with every day.

He advises me and takes care of me. He helps me see reason when I'm lost in paranoia and irrationality. He calms me down when my anxiety is high. He does pretty much everything.

My brain functions in a highly specific way, and he has all the knowledge to be able to deal with it.

I cannot stress enough how dysfunctional I would be without him. He likes to put it a certain way.

"Most people can function on their own with little to no help. [Lumi] is someone who requires a lot of help. He does not have any way of getting the help that he needs naturally. That is why he relies on me. It is abnormal and unconventional, as he likes to put it. Yes, it is indeed very unconventional. However, nothing about him is conventional." -Cy

"What he's dealing with is difficult to explain. But we have tried just about everything. He firmly believes that this is what's best for him, and so do I. It may be unconventional, but it is not inherently horrible. It may be hard for others to understand, but this is his life. It is different, but it is his "normal"." -Cy

"And I should clarify, if any of this posed actual harm to him, I would cease it all in an instant." -Cy

In the past year of having Cyrus by my side, life has been a lot easier for me to manage. It took a while for us to get used to working together, but we figured it out eventually. It took a lot of trial and error!

But a few months ago, everything just got...easier. Not in terms of life! God no, my life is. Not getting easier, haha. But! I'm getting better at managing it.

I've improved on meeting my basic needs, which is something I used to struggle with. I have a lot more energy than I did last semester, and I've been way more productive, which I'm happy about.

Life hasn't gotten easier, but it's more doable. I'm managing my emotions better, particularly my stress, which is great, cause that was a huge problem for me previously! I'm also better at managing my depression.

Basically my bad days are a lot less bad than they used to be, and my good days are way better than before! And I assure you, I could not have done it without Cyrus' help.

It's a little unnerving, talking about it publicly. But that's how mental illness is. The experience is always gonna be odd, but I really wanted to explain what's going on w Cy! He's become such an important part of my life and I could not do any of this without him.

Like, I seriously could not live without him.

Oh, and as reassurance, I wanna clarify. My attachment is to him as a person (concept?) inside my head, not the character so much. So like, it wouldn't be the end of the world if he had a scout in pokemas that I didn't get or something like that.

I don't even own merch of him, actually! The closest thing I have is a team galactic phone ring, which. Broke. Lol

I am planning on buying his TCG Collector's deck (which releases later this month !) but even then I'm not about to go merch crazy over him

Basically my attachment to him shouldn't prove to be a detriment to my real life in any way shape or form.

Trust me, I have a lot of experience with this. I havs had it get unhealthy with certain characters. It has been severely mitigated with Cyrus. This is as healthy as it gets for me, I assure you.

If you knew what the past ones were like, you would definitely agree. But I don't feel comfortable sharing that bc it was uber fucked up lol!

I wouldn't be posting about this if it weren't successful for me personally. I'm confident in it because it's been a year and I've been observing it closely.

Do I think Cyrus is a great idea? Yea! If things are difficult for you to do for some mental reason or another, having a favorite character there to help you can make a world of difference! But would I recommend doing this sort of thing? It depends. You really have to exercise a good level of control over it. If you're going to have the character helping you, there has to be boundaries for them that they can't overstep in attempting to help you, otherwise it goes downhill REALLY fast.

I don't think it's the sort of thing that most people could replicate because it all relies on the specific rule system that my brain functions by. And my brain is rigid with its rules. Rules are rules, so if they're set, they're not likely to be broken in my case. This isn't the case for most people. It's not really a self-control thing for me either, it's more like I couldn't break the rules even if I really wanted to. They would have to be changed or I would have to be granted permission. It's a long story.

It is important to note that Cyrus really is a mental aid to me. A caregiver in a sense. He will make me take care of myself even if I don't want to. He does battle my self-destructive urges and negative thoughts constantly. His ultimate goal is to make me do what's best for me even if I really don't want to.

And honestly, I need it a lot of the time. Sometimes I really don't want to do things that are good for me. I'm a bit childish in that way. So having Cyrus like, drag me to the bathroom to brush my teeth for example, is really necessary sometimes.

He helps in bigger ways than that too ofc but that would take a LOT of explaining and this is already fairly incoherent. If you have any questions you can absolutely ask and I can try to explain it to the best of my ability!

Ummm what else did I have to say about this. Oh. The awkward part abt him being an "f/o" of sorts.

He's not real so my relationship with him isn't real. I know that. Still, I got feelings for him. That's all there is to it, really. You might see me treat him as a real significant other.

You don't have to remind me that he's not real. I know he isn't. But my feelings are real and I would appreciate it if they were respected.

I can't really think of anything else to add? If you're curious, no, I don't get hallucinations of him or anything like that. He doesn't impede on the real world, he only exists in my imagination. He's like an imaginary friend! If an imaginary friend was like, super intelligent I guess?

Idk. But he helps me, and I'm grateful for him. And I wanted to talk about mental illness a little. It is never easy and I'm convinced it will never be easy. But he makes it more manageable. He takes care of me and looks out for me. Even if it's just me looking out for myself, I could not do it "on my own" like most people can.

Also I don't think he's an alter or anything like that. There's a certain degree of separation between us. I am not Cyrus and he is not me. He just happens to reside with me in. My body. None of this makes sense does it. Point is he can't like front or anything but you can like speak to him I guess? It's more like me relaying messages for him tho

This is a really complex thing that my mind has developed over the years so there's a LOT I'm leaving out again if you're curious plz just ask I love talking abt it

[caffeinatedastropath]

I promise I'm going somewhere with this, but be warned, it's a bummer.

I'm five days sober off weed, up at 3am because I'm so nauseous that it woke me up. I hate it- I've smoked heavy every day of my adult life because of what I'm now certain is ADHD that got missed when I was a kid, and weed was the most accessible thing that would make my brain shut up. I sure haven't been sober this long since my mom and sister died within three years of each other starting in 2018. Never had a service for either of them. This week also marks the first time in my life I've cooked something more complicated than a grilled cheese, out of necessity- my roommate has covid- and I'm not proud of it, it's just something that has always seemed insurmountable with the amount of chaos in my brain. I did indeed have to do a full kitchen reorg before I could make it happen. But I needed something both comforting and relatively simple, so I chose something that I saw my mom make a lot- pot roast.

It turned out pretty good. Not my mom's by a long way, but pretty damn good. I reheated some the next day, and when I was about to take it upstairs to eat, Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl" came on and I just started fucking sobbing. He was one of her favorites. As far as she knows, I never learned how to cook. I never learned how to make her pot roast. She died of metastatic cancer while paying for *me* to have a place to live because my untreated mental illness was beginning to make it difficult to hold down jobs, so I and my partner at the time moved into a horrid little shed in a horrid little backwater and I watched her get slowly, then abruptly worse.

My sister died three years later from an overdose or a bad drug interaction. She had relapsed into alcoholism when mom was dying, so we agreed that her kid- like 11 or 12 or something at the time- would be better served moving to the opposite corner of the country to live with their more well-off paternal grandparents. For a lot of reasons, if I could do it over again, I would not have separated the three of us.

So here I am, at 3am, sipping chicken broth, taking little bites of toast, and I see Komm, süsser Toad. Thinking, "oh, this should be funny." But I know the words. I know.

I know I've let you down. I've been a fool to myself.

The ones you love mean more than anything.

I wish that I could turn back time, 'cause now the guilt is all mine.

I just keep letting me down.

I miss you, mom. I miss you, sis.

I feel like people don’t talk enough about the Neon Genesis Evangelion game that was on the N64. The soundtrack uses the exact same sound font as Super Mario 64 which resulted in the funniest official rendition of Komm, süsser Tod:

[the-firebird69]

Two diagnosis because of him poisoned and it would just be as irexa no all three and I get money for it and then it would run over probably 4 months and people would be happy and threaten social security body we're happy with that stuff. And then after the poisoning period has been beaten to death and they try and force the medicine so I buy and don't take it cuz I don't have to other people do and that would have to go off of dual diagnosis I start growing but my dad would need to be out and I was thinking about it because people are saying that I and he's like I was thinking about it cuz he's like 5'6 I'm already bigger and then start growing off the medicine so then it gets social security for being so much bigger than my dad and it's a scam because they say that my dad is also supposed to be big yet I am still going to be bigger than him regardless there's always going to be a disparity but they'll try and use that as a threat and a lot of people but that's not what I'm saying what I'm saying is there is a psychological effect and the effect is from this entire little talk and it's it's from me being larger and it's from them understanding and that's the mutants that made two were poisoned and they have the same possible pattern of getting paid because they were poisoned getting paid for being bigger than their parents and it would be a dual diagnosis situation for them. But the psychological effect is different than being able to pay people money and then there are separate cities and a lot of money by the way it has to do with the weirdness that they have regarding me and themselves and them saying with his people and were giants and trying to be the same as me to try and pull people to fool people but a large part of it is to actually be big and sure part of it is to find apprehend people and stuff but a lot of it it should be big and to get big secure medicine will stop cancer and sickness that's needed now I am a lot of people in the way and I keep seeing these guys constantly doing these a****** commercials and it's John remillard and I don't know if it's taking this crap all these new medicines and their crap and if he's taking them he's a dead man he's he's got he's already poisoned to death and I hear Terry cheesman talking to him you're advertising this s***** medicine we're already dying and I think you're taking it he says it's concoction when you put it together it has an effect that's positive and that our child doesn't know what he's talking about he says you've been poisoned by all this stuff and suddenly they're the good guys making stuff that helps you that you having no immune system so you have Tommy F in front and he doesn't need your brain or something and Trump said boy that's gross and that's what it is it's rejection and it got very huge and the Mac proper had it happen and they're very mean to people who start figuring it out and they're mean to me anyways so screw him I really can't stand them it's going on now but these are great reasons for people to have me get big and I don't think I'm hitting on my smaller idea which might be huge at some point but yeah I do have these thoughts

Zues

Yummy candid with you that his ideas very good and I reviewed it and talk to people so it's probably going to come back around later on sometime in the next few days but until then this will have to do

Hera

It's pretty good I am it is called jumping all over it it makes sense and try solid and people follow it they also know that John remillard is very sick and mentally ill and can't help it is doing and people are starting to try and stop him from making mistakes finally we still have to take over the hotel

Thor Freya

We do too and just to be there so people get it and yeah we want them in the apartment

Mac daddy

We don't want him in the apartment

Minority morlock until it's safe

We need out of this it's very stupid and lame and we are the apartments not safe right now

Kamala

Olympus

[faerunsbest]

I was tagged by @kimberbohwrites

When did you start writing?

Middle school? I cant pinpoint a time but thats about the tim i started going comics and scribbling down story ideas and plots

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Yes i love horror and monsters and i love when the monster isnt the villain maybe its not the hero but its not what you should be fighting. I love the concept of love starting from respect and honesty. So far I actually have big long stories that result in romance that cannot become sexual., i don't think that romance is inherently sexual for all people or that it is the spine of romance. I think for some people it can be a huge bonding experience and for some its just revolting. I just want to write romance that has layers and feels tangible. I also want to write about bonds beyond romance. I think platonic love is also vital

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often? 

Ive not been around the shop long enough to be compared to anyone i don’t think but if I could emulate anyone, it would be Brom. I read that book krampus and half a page in I had to close it and just stare at the ceiling because it hit too hard. He's a huge inspiration because he's both artist and writer. And I feel like that's just outstanding. How can you professionally be both?!

Can you tell me a little about your writing space?

Um? Its wherever I can pull out my phone. lol I can be anything or nothing. Sometimes I want a million page notebook, sometimes its the busted part of a pencil and half a napkin. 

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

?????????please help i have no clue here

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you? 

Rage

I underestimate the volume of rage a person I made can have but what I never understand until after the fact is how they handle that rafe that feeling. Do they tamp it down or let it take the lead? The other one is literally romance

On a personal level I feel like I offend myself because I'd rather eat vomit than risk romance but writing it is a whole separate beast. There's just so much that can be done and should be done for these relations and bonds and it can be thrilling!

What is your reason for writing?

If i dont write ill die i dont know how else to explain this. Theres just so much that needs to be said and all these journeys my mind went on without me 

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating? 

I love the one with explanation as to why they did or did not like what ive done, clarity without cruelty is wonderful to me

Explaining that you thought things were good or bad because one thing another mean a lot they're so useful. Also on that same page i love those unreasonable comments that make no sense because someone was just having so many feelings

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I dunno its just kinda neat of you think of me at all !

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer? 

Dialogue, i love listening to characters talk and i feel like it shows. I used to focus a lot on the setting but that rather faded

How do you feel about your own writing?

Depends on the day if im honest. Sometimes i think im amazing sometimes i'm astonished with hope clunky and poor my skills are sometimes i just don't care

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write 

purely for yourself, or a mix of both? 

You cant tell me you write and never imagine what it might be like if someone 

discovered you and LOVED what you did. I do what i want and hope for the best. My favorite part is the interaction which is why rp is great it feels like a lovely skill sharpening challenge but also it kind of eats my brain. 

I really and with all my heart love writing and i love when other people love it too

---

am drank forgive any fuckery