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callsign-dexter · 5 months ago

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Love At First Sight... Again 18+

Request: Hello darling ! I hope you're accepting Kelly requests and I also hope that you're still considering doing bday imagines 🙈 mine is this Wednesday and I hoooooped for a little present l, but if not, it's more than okay !

It would be an idea where the reader was with Kelly at high school but he was like the girl crush out of your league and she was a nobody minding her own business. Both had crushes on each other but in the end never talked with each other and after school time, both went their separate ways. Just until she maybe moves back to Chicago and gets in a little car crash (nothing bad, just some scratches) and Squad 3 shows up. Kelly first didn't recognize her, but when he does, he's totally taken aback by her and jeez you can be cheesy and call it love at first sight again 😁 so he makes sure that she's okay and nothing hurts too bad. And as he's being that close to her, she recognizes him too eventually and her heart skips a beat. Kelly then makes the step to ask her on a date and she agrees. But maaaaybe she can't wait till the date and shows up the next day at the station bringing over a thank you to all the guys, but secretly she just wants to see Kelly.. After shift then he comes to her apartment, wanting to thank her for the presents. But one thing leads to another and they end up spending a passionate night together and Kelly holds her close then, realizing she's all his heart ever wanted and he wants her to be with him forever?

Omg it's too cheesy right ? And I'm sorry it's too long 😂

Pairings: Kelly Severide x Dawson!Reader

Warnings: smut, angst, fluff, cursing

Masterlist

A/N: Happy belated birthday annon!

A/N 2: @talesofreading and @imagine-all-the-fandoms prepare yourselves

Chicago, Illinois your hometown and the town you grew up in, fell in love, had your heart broken, and moved away from. You had many boyfriends but none of them could ever live up to the one and only Kelly Severide and he could say the same thing about you. You are a Dawson, the youngest of the Dawson siblings. Antonio Dawson and Gabriela Dawson were your brother and sister and you all loved each other dearly.

You just had brought a box full of miscellaneous stuff and you got to thinking about the last time you were here. You moved away from Chicago due to going to medical school away from Chicago and that meant you were moving away from Kelly, your longtime crush. Yours and Kelly’s crushes go away back, back to Freshman year of high school. You could remember the first time you saw him. You were practicing with your softball team and he with his baseball team. Your eyes met it and it was instant love at first sight. He was out of your league and you were a nobody.

*************

Classes had just ended and you were at your truck grabbing your gear out of the back when you felt like someone was staring at you and you looked up and was met with the most beautiful blue eyes you had ever seen. Your world seemed to have stopped and you immediately fell in love with him and his world stopped and he fell in love. A smile came to your face and you waved at him and he smirked and nodded his head at you. You immediately blushed and looked down and continued to grab your stuff. “So, you and Severide, huh?” She asked.

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about. We were just talking.” You said as you started to put your gear down and went over to start stretching. You weren’t the most popular despite being on the softball team, you liked to be in the background and keep your head down. You liked to keep out of the way and help when you needed to. Kelly Severide was so out of your league and so you never stood a chance, or so you thought but you would never act on it.

“Those heart eyes and that smile says otherwise.” She said, smirking.

“Oh hush.” You said and she smirked but didn’t say anything as you stretched and you looked over to the other field and saw Kelly looking over at you and you smiled which made him smile and wave. You blushed and looked down.

Throughout the school year the two of you never talked but stole glances every now and then. He would give you this wink and smirk and you were blushing like mad. As senior year came to an end, neither of you had talked to each other but you both quickly became each other’s crushes but never did anything about it and wouldn’t do anything about it.

When graduation came you, both graduated with honors and were going to college for sports scholarships. You both had worked the courage to talk to each other but then you both were being whisked away. You two never spoke to each other or saw each other again which made both of you sad but life has mysterious ways to bring people back together.

*************

“That should be the last of it.” Antonio said as he brought up the last heavy box which happened to be books along with Gabriela who had pots and pans.

“Thank you. You’re a lifesaver, both of you. You can put the books by the couch and the pots and pans in the kitchen.” You said and he did as he was told.

“Anything for our youngest sister.” Gabriela said and you rolled your eyes but smiled.

“Really though we're happy to have you back here. We missed you.” Antonio said

“I missed you both so much. It was so hard to be away from you and well, Chicago. But I graduated med school at The University of California San Francisco, did my residency there and back now starting my new job as a doctor at Med and am ready to take on the hustle and bustle of Chicago Med.” You said and they smiled.

“You're going to be a kick ass doctor.” Gabriela said

“Aww thank you sis. You're a kick ass paramedic.” You said

“Hey, what about me?” Antonio asked fake pouting and faking hurt.

“Eh, you're decent for a detective.” You said and that made your sister laugh.

“Hey!” He said and you laughed harder.

“Kidding! You're a kickass detective.” You said and Gabriela nodded.

“I like that answer better. But in all seriousness, you're going to a kick ass doctor.” He said and you smiled.

“Thanks ‘Tonio. I would offer food but I literally have nothing. Order in?” You questioned

“Sounds like a perfect plan. We can help you unpack and get settled in.” Gabriela said and Antonio nodded.

“Is that Thai place still open by the med?” You asked and they both nodded.

“It is.” Antonio replied “Want your usual?” He asked, getting his phone out and you nodded.

“Please. I'll pay.” You said, going to grab your card.

“Not a chance little sis. My card is already in. I order from there all the time.” He said and you groaned but knew you weren't going to win.

“Fine.” You said

“Good order is placed. Should be here in 20.” He said and you nodded.

“I practically lived on Thai food at college.” You said and they chuckled.

“That doesn't surprise us.” Gabriela said as she started to open the book box and started to put them on the shelf by the TV. It consisted of med books, notebooks with notes, and regular books. The three of you talked, unpacked, and broke boxes down while you all waited for food. When it did come Antonio was quick to get to the door before you could even get up. He brought the food over into the living room and you all sat around eating and talking. After you all had their fill, you got back to work you and Gabriela worked in the kitchen while Antonia got the TV hooked up. By the time everything got unpacked or mostly unpacked it was late and they were saying their goodbyes.

“Hey, we should meet up after you get done at Med.” Antonio said

“I would love that.” You said

“Good it settled. You meet us at our place. We always meet up. I have tomorrow off and Antonio can meet us on his lunch break.” Gabriela said

“I like the sound of that.” You said and they both smiled.

“Good! We better get going so you can settle in and we’ll see you tomorrow.” Antonio said coming over to hug you and Gabriela followed suit.

“We love you.” She said

“I love you both too.” You said and then they were out the door leaving you alone in your almost furnished apartment. You decided to unpack more and then head to bed which was set up by the three of you. You got ready for the bed and laid down ready for tomorrow.

*************

The next morning you got up bright early and started to get ready for your first day at med. You took a shower and put on your scrubs and looked in the mirror. Your hair was down and wet but otherwise you looked good. Your name was on the scrubs and you added your ID onto them and everything was complete you were ready. Hair was now dried so you pulled your naturally wavy hair up into a ponytail and walked out of the bathroom and out into the living room where you pulled on your shoes then put on your jacket and grabbed your purse and keys and walked out the door. You locked the door and headed to the elevator. You pressed the button and it opened. You got in and pressed the button and went down to the lobby. When you got there, you walked out and out the door to your car. You got in and made the short trip to Med. You got there and parked and walked into the ED where you were met with a nurse. “Hi, I’m Maggie Lockwood, head nurse of ED. You must be the new doctor.” She said and you smiled.

“I am. I’m Y/N Dawson.” You said

“As in Antonio and Gabriela Dawson?” She asked and you smiled and nodded.

“I’m the youngest.” You said and then just then Sharon Goodwin made her appearance.

“I see you met our new doctor. I’m Sharon Goodwin and I will take it from here.” She said and you smiled and Maggie nodded and walked away. She waved you over and you began your journey with your boss. She went through everything. “Will!” She said when a redheaded man came into view and he looked up and smiled.

“Yes?” He asked

“I would like you to introduce you to the new doctor. This is Y/N Dawson.” She said and you smiled at him.

“Dawson? As in Antonio and Gabriela Dawson?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yes, that would be correct.” You said

“My brother works with your brother. I’m Will Halstead.” He said and stuck out his hand and you shook it.

“It’s nice to meet you.” He said and then his pager went off.

“I gotta go. If you need me, I’ll be here in ED.” He said and you smiled and then he was off and so you two were off. You continued the tour until you got to the cafeteria and Goodwin walked you over to a table with some other doctors they looked up.

“Everyone this is Y/N Dawson. She’s the new doctor. Y/N this is Connor Rhodes, Natalie Manning, Ava Bekker, and Crockett Marcel.” She said and they said their greetings.

“It’s nice to meet you all and before anyone asks, yes I’m related to Gabriela and Antonio Dawson.” You said and everyone chuckled. You all chatted for a little bit more before she was whisking you off to someplace new. Then you ran into someone else.

“Daniel, this is Y/N Dawson. Y/N this is Dr. Daniel Charles, he's the psychologist around here.” She said and you smiled.

“Nice to meet you.” You said

“I’ve heard so much about you and I'm excited to be working with you.” He said and you smiled and then he was being pulled away. After seeing everything and getting to know the new palace your shift was finally over and you were heading out of Med.

“Hey, Y/N wait up!” A voice said and you turned around and saw Natalie and Ava running after you and you stopped and smiled.

“Hey. What’s up?” You asked

“We were just wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime.” Ava said and you smiled and nodded.

“I would love that.” You said and then they were pulling out their phones and so were you and you all were exchanging numbers. “I have to meet my brother and sister for some sibling time but I’ll let you know when we can meet up.” You said and they smiled.

“Sounds perfect.” Natalie said

“Wanna walk to the parking lot together?” Ava asked and you smiled and nodded.

“I would like that.” You said and so you did and it was filled with laughter and small talk about talking about your school. You three got to your cars and then said goodbye and you were headed off. The place the three of you always met up was at the end of town so you had a drive. You listened to music and your phone rang and you answered it through Bluetooth. It was your siblings.

“Hello you two.” You said

“Hi.” Gabriela said

“Hi, Sis.” Antonio said

“What do I owe the pleasure of the three-way call?” You asked

“We wanted to know where you were.” Gabriela said “Both of us are here.” She said

“I got held up by some coworkers.” You said chuckling.

“Aww, our baby sister is making friends.” Antonio said

“Oh, shut up.” You said as you noticed a car too close and your eyebrows forwarded but shook it off. You stopped at a stoplight but the other car did not and they crashed into you and your siblings must’ve heard it. “Oof.” You said and you know they heard that.

“What the hell was that?” Gabriela asked

“It’s nothing, I just got rear ended.” You said

“What?!” They both asked at the same time.

“Seriously it’s nothing.” You said about that time another car hit that car and pushed you into the intersection.

“We’re on our way.” They said and hung up.

You sat there and sighed ‘What a great first day.’ you thought and sat there as you heard sirens. You sighed but you did a quick self-assessment and everything felt fine and nothing was broken. “Fuck.” You said. The car beside you was suddenly moved and the door was being cut open and a form was bending down by your side.

“Ma’am, can you hear me?” A voice asked you.

“Yea, I can hear you.” You said and turned to look up at the voice.

“Y/N?” He asked and you furrowed your eyes.

“Kelly?” You asked now, taking in his form and you could’ve sworn your heart skipped a beat.

“Wow you’re just as beautiful as the first time I laid eyes on you.” He said and you blushed like mad.

“I could say the same thing.” You said and he smiled.

“Are you hurt?” He asked, feeling around and you shook your head.

“No. Maybe some whiplash and some scratches from the seatbelt but I have feeling in my toes and I wasn’t hit hard so I wouldn’t have spinal damage.” You said

“Wow you know your stuff.” He said

You chuckled “Yea, I’m a doctor now at Med.” You said

“That’s great.” He said as he made his assessment. “Are you comfortable getting out and walking over to the ambulance?” He asked and you nodded and with his help got out of the car. Just then your siblings came into view.

“Y/N!” Antonio said and came rushing forward.

“How is she, Kelly?” Gabriela asked

“She’s good. She has some scratches and maybe whiplash but nothing too serious.” Kelly said and the grilling began by your siblings and you answered them and then they were being pulled away by other people. Kelly continued to check you over “It’s been awhile.” He said and you smiled.

“Yea, it has. So, what happened after high school?” You asked

“Went to college on a scholarship. Then the fire academy and worked at 51 for a few years and then got onto Squad 3. You?” He asked

“Went to The University of California San Francisco for medical school on a scholarship for softball, did my residency there and then moved back when I got the job at Med.” You said and he smiled.

“Say what do you think about going out with me Saturday?” He asked

“I would love that. I work tomorrow morning until 5 PM but should be free after that.” You said and he nodded and smiled and then he was pulling out his phone and handing it to you and you put your number in and texted yourself. “Am I free to go?” You asked and he smiled and nodded.

“You are.” He said and you chuckled and then Antonio came over.

“All good, Kelly?” He asked

“Yup, all good.” He said and smiled at you and he was helping you off the back of the ambulance.

“Is my truck ok to drive?” You asked and Antonio chuckled and nodded.

“All good, Sis. We’ll meet another day.” He said and you smiled and nodded. “Oh, the police have sorted everything out.” He said as he walked you to your truck. You got in and started it up with ease he nodded and said his goodbye and you looked up and met Kelly’s eyes and he smiled and so did you then you were driving off.

When you got home you parked and got out of the truck and sighed looking at the damage and took a picture and sent it to Natalie and Ava.

What a way to start my first day.

Natalie: Holy shit! Are you ok?

I’m good.

Ava: What happened?

Someone rear ended me and then another car rear ended them and pushed my truck into the intersection. I’m good, just some scratches from the seatbelt and maybe whiplash but nothing serious.

Natalie: Damn girl

Ava: Get some rest!

Will do girls.

Then you put your phone on the charger on the counter and went and changed into comfortable clothing and settled onto the couch with your bottle of water and turned on your favorite show and got some rest. Kelly kept coming to your mind and you wanted to do something and take it to them before work so you got up and went into the kitchen and got your baking stuff out and started to make homemade cookies. You finished in about 30 minutes and it was 10 PM. You got some containers out and left the cookies on the rack to cool. You turned off the TV and headed into your room and got ready for bed.

*************

The next morning you got up when your alarm went off and you were a little stiff but nothing too worrisome. You got ready for work finding your routine easily and then headed into the kitchen and put the cookies in the containers and you started out of your apartment and to the elevator for the short ride to the lobby and then out to your now beaten-up truck. You opened the door and put everything in the passenger side and got in and started towards 51.

When you got there, you parked and got out making sure to grab the cookies and shut the door. You walked into the bay and was met by a blonde man who noticed you immediately “Hey, I’m Matt Casey can I help you?” He asked.

“Hi, I’m Y/N Dawson and yes, I’m Gabriela’s and Antonio’s sister. I brought some homemade cookies as a thank you for helping me yesterday.” You said and showed him the container.

“Thank you so much. Also, you're welcome.” He said you were secretly hoping to see Kelly. Just then more people came out.

“I heard cookies.” A voice said and you recognized it as Kelly and you smiled.

“You heard right. Wanted to say thank you and thought some cookies would be nice.” You said and he smiled at you and everyone was introduced to you. The container was opened and everyone took one.

“Holy shit these are good!” Stella Kidd said and you smiled.

“Thank you. Old family recipe.” You said and then you looked at the time “Well I gotta go but thank you again.” You said and Kelly smiled.

“That’s our job.” He said and you smiled and blushed “Hey I’ll walk you out.” He said and you nodded. It was a quick walk but it was filled with smiles and small talk. You told him your address for Saturday and then he was opening the door and you were getting in and then you were driving off and he watched you. You got to Med and parked and then got out and started to walk in a voice called out to you.

“Hey, Y/N wait up.” Connor said and you did so.

“Hey.” You said

“What happened to your truck?” He asked as you walked into ED.

“Got rear ended yesterday.” You said

“Are you ok?” He asked and you smiled and nodded.

“All good. Seatbelt cut me and little stiff but all good.” You said

“Good. If you start hurting more let one of us know.” He said as you got into the locker room.

“I know, Connor.” You chuckled and he smiled and then you were both heading different ways and your first official shift started. Your day consisted of being paged and seeing patients overall everything was great and you got the hang of it quickly. Soon your shift was done and you were heading home.

When you got home you were quick to get out of your truck and into the apartment complex and to your apartment. You were quick to change and were about to sit down on the couch when a knock sounded on the door and you were sighing and getting up. You opened the door and was met face to face with Kelly.

“Kelly, hi.” You said breathlessly and then you noticed that he had flowers and a bag of food. “I thought our date wasn’t until Saturday.” You said.

“It is but I wanted to thank you for the cookies and I thought dinner would be perfect.” He said and you smiled.

“Come in!” You said opening the door wider and he walked in. You took the flowers and walked to the kitchen to put the flowers in a vase as he set the food on the table. He got the food out and you both got the food and went to the couch after you decided that it would be more comfortable. You both watched some cheesy show and commented on it and even after the food was done with you found yourself cuddling into him and he pulled you further into him. You two looked up at each other and slowly leaned into each other and your lips touched and sparks flew. As the two of you kissed, he started to lay you down on the couch and hover over you. He licked your bottom lip and your mouth opened and your tongues fought for dominance until breath was needed and you both let up catching your breath.

“Bedroom?” He asked in a husky voice and you could feel his erection on your clothed core. And you clenched around nothing at his husky voice.

“Yes.” You said after catching your breath. He got up and you almost whimpered but when he started to take off his shirt and saw his ripped body you started to drool. He held his hand out and you took it and he pulled you up and into his arms with a squeal but he caught you.

“Jump.” He said and you did so and he caught you effortlessly and he started to walk to her bedroom after you told him kissing all the way. When you got there, he set you down and slowly undressed you down to her bra and underwear kissing your legs all the way down as he took her pants off. He slowly came back up and kissed your lips as he slowly made you go back onto the bed. He was quick to remove his pants and underwear leaving him in nothing and you could feel his cock against your clothed core. He suddenly sat on his knees and slowly removed your underwear going all the way down and then lifting your leg and taking them off and throwing them somewhere. He kissed your ankle and down your leg to your soaking core.

“Kelly.” You moaned out and he smirked and continued until his mouth was where you needed him the most and you let out a loud moan as he licked and ate you out like no tomorrow. He had your leg over his shoulder so he could go deeper. “Fuck, Kelly.” You moaned and he continued until that knot in your stomach started to get tight and close to bursting and then he stopped. “What the fuck?” You asked and he smirked looking up at you as he moved his upper body up to you and kissed you. You tasted yourself as his tongue fought yours for dominance. Your bra was quick to leave, finally leaving you naked. He let up when air was needed.

“I want to be inside of you.” He said and you moaned.

“Fuck me.” You said and he smiled.

“I’m going to make love to you.” He said and then was guiding his cock to your entrance and pushing in slowly until he bottomed out and you both moaned.

“You’re so big.” You moaned, throwing your head back.

“You’re so tight.” He moaned and then he started to move slowly and he kissed your neck, your mouth, sucked on your nipples until he was satisfied that they got the same attention. He thrusted into you slowly and deeply. “You’re taking me so well. You were made for me.” He moaned.

“I’m yours, Kelly. Have been since freshman year of high school even if we didn’t know it.” You moaned wrapping your legs around his waist making him go deeper and hit spots you didn't know that could be hit. You were not a virgin but hadn’t sex in a long time.

“You’re mine and I’m yours.” He said, that knot was back and ready to snap any minute

“Faster, please.” You moaned and he obeyed and went faster. “Fuck me.” You moaned.

“I’m close, Baby.” He said thrusts were getting sloppy.

“Me too.” You replied and one more thrust and you both were cumming. You both stayed there until he was rolling to the side of you and he pulled the covers back and you both were cuddling into each other. Your eyes were getting heavy and you yawned.

“Get some sleep. I’ll be here in the morning.” He said and that was all you needed because you were asleep with your head on his chest listening to his heartbeat. After he saw your breath even out, he fell asleep so happy to have you in his arms.

*************

The next morning you woke up to weight across your body and breath hitting your neck. After first you freaked out but then you saw a familiar watch and smiled. “You know I fell in love the first time I saw you and I kicked myself for not talking to you. You were so out of my league.” He said, startling you.

“Fuck you scared me.” You said as you turned in his arms to look at him and he slowly opened his eyes. “I fell in love the first time I saw you too. Also, bull shit, you were way out of my league.” You said and he chuckled and shook his head.

“No, you were way out of my league. I was so scared to tell you or talk to you because I feared you would reject me.” He said

“I had the same fear.” You said and he smiled and kissed your forehead.

“We found each other now.” He said and you smiled and nodded.

“We sure did.” You whispered

“I don’t ever want to let you go.” He said

“You don’t have to. I’m yours.” You said and he smiled.

“I’m yours too. I love you.” He whispered

“I love you too.” You replied and it was the truth. Neither of you were going to let each go ever. You were perfectly fine with that. You got the man of your dreams and he got the woman of his dreams. Nothing could take that way not now and not ever because the love that you both had for each other was enough to keep you together forever.

Tag list:

@kmc1989

@els-marvelvsp

@atarmychick007

@nyx2021

@grandstrangerphantom

@angenu01-blog

@talesofreading

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xannador · 3 months ago

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Would you ever write out what the alternate ending for Mostly (H)armless was, even if it’s too much to fully comic? I felt like my heart was torn out by the ending, even if the alternate ending is never realized I’d feel better knowing what else might have happened 😭

I have gotten this question a couple times now and wasn't sure if I should answer this. Because doing so would forever close the door on any alternate ending. But sadly I don't see myself drawing more HFR fancomics... so...

Up until page 41 the story more or less follows a set path. Or at least all roads would lead to page 41. After that I had a couple different scenarios and scenes that I could go for. The version that ended up being made was a mismatch of... basically all of the most horrific ones.

And here are the others:

Scenario 1: Almost got away

There was a version of the story in which Chai and 808 got separated again and Chai would end up on the ground floor rather than way up on the hanging platforms. And he'd lure V1-RS underneat one of those platforms and 808 would drop it right on top of the psycho robot, crushing it. This doesn't kill it but it would be stuck (and furious). And Chai and 808 had the freedom to just... walk away from it, while it's screaming bloody murder at them. However, one of its taunts would make Chai turn back; the one about him being nothing without Vandelay tech and he's lucky his traitor drone (808) saved his skin all this time. This would have pissed Chai off to the point of actually turning back to face V1-RS, wasting enough time that V1-RS frees itself. And this scenario would end tragically similar to the one we got: Chai beating V1-RS without any kind of technology but at the cost of his own life.

I didn't go with it because I didn't want to separate Chai and 808 twice in the span of a handful of pages.

Scenario 2: Only one has to die

In this scenario, V1-RS cutting the platform wires on page 46 actually results in the entire platform crashing to the ground. Chai managed to grab onto one of those Vandelay banners and although it rips it actually slows down his fall enough that he and 808 survive. But in this version the museum is also set ablaze.

Chai and 808 would use the smoke and debris (from Chai's fight at the start of the story) to hide from V1-RS while slowly trying to sneak away. A falling plaform would break a window and that would give them an escape route.

But just as they reach fresh air and can see the night sky, V1-RS would once again manipulate Chai into turning back. This time by saying it's going after the gang instead. Just like in the final story Chai realizes that if he wants to save his friends he isn't going to make it out himself. But this time 808 is still alive so he shoves her into a trash can against her will, apologises and disappears back into the fire.

Chai and 808 are into this adventure together so I felt that either both should live or neither. It became neither in the end.

Scenario 3: Xan cannot resist putting kaiju into everything

A different version of scenario 1. After getting crushed by a platform, V1-RS would have crawled out of its host body like one of those parasitic worms that brainwash insects (don't google that) and forced itself into one of the huge display robots. Then it would have ripped other giant robots apart and taken bits of them to enhance itself into something gigantic and monstrous. Chai and 808 would have taken that time to nope the hell out of the museum. They'd scare a few random civilians still out on the street with their unfortunate appearance and meet up with the gang who'd be glad, and horrified, to see them. The reunion would be cut short as an absolutely gigantic, multiheaded, many-legged robot chimera bigger than ZP-1500 bursts out of the museum.

A high octance chase scene (potentially inspired by godzilla 1998) between Roxanne's poor car and Chimera V1-RS and a climb to the top of Vandelay tower could have been next. And the only right way to end a monster like that would be to somehow skewer it on the old spectra tower.

This scenario would've been cool as shit and a spectacle of (literal) epic proportions.

It also doesn't fit the rest of the story at all. Maybe something like this could have worked had it been a robot kaiju story from the start, rather than a horror comic. Also beating the monster with team work was not the right way to end Mostly (h)Armless. Chai always had to beat V1-RS on his own. That is the point of this story.

Scenario 4: If only 808 hadn't broken

There was a way Chai could have beaten V1-RS without getting hurt (or at least not hurt as badly) if he had only been able to communicate with the rest of the gang. That way Peppermind could have figured out V1-RS obvious weakness... it's an AI. And an AI is only as scary as its database. if Chai had found a way to connect 808 to the old V1-RS computer, Peppermint would have been able to poison its database with random nonsense. She could really upload anything; useless trivia about dolphins, the entire anime bath scene wikia, SCR-UB poems, and all Chai would have to do is keep V1-RS busy and distracted until it was so poisoned it wouldn't be able to function anymore. Then it would be easy to finish off.

Although Chai would get help from Peppermint in this scenario rather than do it all on his own, I think this version of the story could still have worked better than the one I drew. Because Chai defeats V1-RS without his robot powers and while being technically on his own.

Perhaps had I taken more time to think the story over I may have gone with this last version. Although If I had been given time to reflect I would probably not have made a fan comic at all. The only reason Mostly (h)Armless exists is because I turned my brain on autopilot for 10 months.

It was a very weird time and the meme of it feeling like waking up from a year long dream-state wasn't entirely a joke.

So yeah, these are the scenarios I can remember. There were a couple of shorter scenes that got removed but story wise they don't add much.

#hi-fi rush mostly (h)armless

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jaslan4f1 · 2 years ago

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Love at 300 km/h LN4 Part 2

Masterlist

Warnings: friends to lover kinda thing, fluff & angst (I actually cried while writing this)

Notes: english is not my native language so this may contain consistency errors, i would really appreciate the corrections but please, be kind. feedback is also appreciated ♡

Summary: You and Lando are close but neither of you tried being more than friends. What happens when you both finally realize that love is right infront of you?

~ This is actually a story related to my own life right know. I have a driver friend that I’m crushing on and some events are in this story. Haha

You never wanted Lando to race for points that badly in your life. Was he really feeling the same you thought? His quality hasn’t been so good yesterday. He finished P15 so he had to fight to come to P4. You wanted him to finish that high and he wanted to take you out properly. You listened to everything the commentator said. Lando was now at P8. Gasly was infront of him. “Will Lando get pass Gasly? And with DRS Lando Norris passes Piere Gasly. What a great race for the McLaren driver“ the one commentator said enthusiastic. „Yay Lando, he is surprisingly very determined to get some points and drive into the top 5. I wonder where this comes from?“ the other commentator responded. Just 6 more laps…will Lando manage to get to P4? But to your surprise Landos car got even faster and he even got passed George and Lewis. “Great Lando you doing amazing“ was what you heard from Landos radio. “Thanks guys the car is great and my motivation is even higher today. Lets keep pushing for P4“ was Landos respond. You smiled when you heard his voice. Moments later Lando was just one position away from P4. You prayed for a miracle that he will get passed Stroll. And then something strange happened. Aston Martin wanted Stroll to pit on the last two laps. That made Landos position clear. He was P4. “Yes baby I knew you could do it“ you screamed as you threw your fist in the air. Lando ended with that position. He could wait to call you and take the next plane to you. He couldn’t stop from smiling, even in his interview he was asked why he was smiling so much. “Oh you know the race was just very good and I just had a great motivator“ he teased. You knew that his fans were going to get crazy about his comment. You quickly took your phone and started to take some photos for him. You promised him to send him these if he finishes P4. You took a few pics till you were happy with on of them. You looked very cute in one of his perch hoodies. You didn’t even think twice and send him the pic with a little caption: “Hopping to hear from you after your duties. Call me x Y/n. PS: You did amazing <3“

“I think your friend just texted you“ Landos media manager told him and gave him his phone. Without thinking Lando opened your chat. He saw your picture. You were in fact wearing his hoodie but he could also see that you weren’t wearing any sweatpants. Your legs were just being covered by his oversized hoodie. When he read your caption he smiled. “You little teaser“ he said to himself. After the dinner he had with Carlos he went straight to his hotel room. He unlooked his phone and went straight to the Facetime icon. He couldn’t just hear your voice, he had to see you. “Lando?“ a black screen and a sleepy voice accepted his call. “Fuck did I woke you up?“ he didn’t thought about your time change. “You kinda did but its ok now I’m awake anyway“ you said with a raspy voice. He loved your sleepy figure and voice. You turned your light in your bedroom on and looked at your phone. Lando looked tried. “You look like shit“ you said and laughed. “Well that’s nice. Thanks I thought you wanted to congratulate me but that’s also fine I guess“ he laughed. You stoped laughing and looked at you. Even tho he wasn’t with you this moment it still felt like he was sitting next to you. “So in that case…congratulation to P4 mister Norris“ your shyly voice made Lando grin. “Thanks I would love to talk longer to you but you should sleep and I should too.“ Your smile faded. “I guess you’re right. Hear from you soon?“ you asked sadly not wanting to end this call just now. You guys wished each other a good night and ended the call.

Lando was at the airport waiting with Carlos and Charles for their private yet. “Hey mate why are you so nervous?“ Charles asked. “Well I kinda have a date with Y/N when I get back to Monaco“ both Ferrari driver looked surprised at him. “Wait Y/N Y/N? Your best friend Y/N?“ Carlos asked “Pierres ex friends with benefit Y/N?“ Charles asked. Landos and Carlos eyes widened. “What?“ Lando asked. “Lando calm down I was just probably just a joke right…right Charles?“ Carlos said and prayed that Charles would get the hint. In that moment Pierre walked by. “You slept with my Y/N?“ Landos angry voice cracked. “Ok guys I thought we agreed not to tell him“ Pierre looked to the Ferrari driver. “Sorry mate it slipped out“ both said. Lando looked back. “Wait you both knew and didn’t told me? You knew how much I liked her and that for many years“ tears forming in his eyes. You meant the world for him. He didn’t really liked Pierre but he also didn’t dislike him. But he hated to fact that you were intimate with another driver and haven’t told him. It felt like every moment he thought you guys were crushing on each other was fake. “If it calms you down it was just for 3 months and she ended it“ Pierre said. Lando rushed to the bathroom he had to hear it from you. He wanted to call you but that would be childish. He knew what his first thing in Monaco was going to be. And boy he hoped that it was a bad joke.

a/n; I know it got a bit sad but I swear it will all add up in the end.

#f1 x reader #carlos sainz jr imagine #lando norris imagine #f1 smut #charles leclerc x reader #f1 fanfic #charles leclerc x you #lando norris #lando norris x y/n #charles leclerc #lando norris fanfiction #lando norris x reader #lando norris fluff #lando norris smut #lando norris insta au #lando norris fanfic #lando norris angst #pierre gasly #pierre gasly x y/n

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lianaloverr · 8 months ago

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All I Wanted

Paring: Quackity x Fem!reader

Summary: When you finally built up the courage to confess your feelings, it was already too late..

Warnings: reader is sad, everyone being confused, just sad overall

Word count: 603

Heyy guysss! This has to be my favorite by far, I hope u like itttt

“Y/n. You should just tell him.”

ᜊ

You’ve had a crush on Alex for the longest now. it’s been 2 years and your love never went away. But you always thought you would be better off as friends, but it was really getting the best of you. “I don’t know, what if i embarrass myself?” you say to Niki. “What? Are you serious? He would be so lucky to even know that you like him. Just do it. Please, it’s hurting me seeing you like this.” she answers. “Okay.”

ᜊ

“but Niki, what if he says no?” you say, pasting your apartment. “He’s not.” “You promise?” you ask. “I pinky promise.” and she pinky promises you. “I think i’m gonna take a nap on the couch, don’t whatever you want.”

ᜊ

When you wake up, you realize that you still have to go to Alex’s house. but first you have to ask if he’s busy.

Alex♡

You: Hey! Can I come over? I have something to tell you.

Alex♡: Yea of course! What do you wanna tell me?

You: Uhhh i think it’s a in-person matter.

Alex♡: Oh okay, when are u coming?

You: Right now.

ᜊ

You pull up to Alex’s house, ready to confess all your feelings. As you look in the driveway, you see another car. Your mind immediately goes to bad things, but you take the safe way and just assumed it was a friend.

ᜊ

Walking up to the same door you’ve walked up to for the last 3 years to hang out, but it’s different this time, way different. you ring the doorbell, all of your memories flooding in your mind. While thinking, the door open and you see your bestfriend, also your crush. Your mind is swirling with thoughts and your heart is pounding because of your emotions.

ᜊ

“Hey Alex. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and i just have to tell you that I-“ was all you got out until you saw the door creek open more slightly and a beautiful blonde girl is in view. “Who is this?” you ask him. “Uhh Y/n, this is Angel, my girlfriend..” he responds.

ᜊ

Before you could even try to respond, you start tearing up. “Oh, um I should go..” “No, what did you want to say?” he asks. “Yeah, what were you trying to say?” Angel says is a snarky tone. “It doesn’t matter, i can just talk to you later.” you say on the brink of tears. “No tell me plea-“ “Do you really wanna know!?” you say. You’re just so tired and didn’t care anymore. “Alex. All i wanted was you…”

ᜊ

You just couldn’t take it anymore. You ran off to your car but before you could open the door, Alex caught up to you and stopped you. “What? Go back to your loving girlfriend.” you yelled. While that whole thing went down, there was massive downfall that started to happen. You and Alex were just sitting out in the middle of the rain. He yelled back, “Just give me a chance to explain!” You just stared at him. “Okay go ahead.” you say. “Y/n, i’ve always liked you. But I never wanted to ruin our friendship. And you know, I thought getting with her would make my crush for you go away, but it didn’t. it just made it stronger.”

ᜊ

you respond, “Alex..” he stopped you before you could finish. “Y/n please.” he pleaded.

ᜊ

“It’s too late.” was the last thing you said before you got into the car and drove away into the abyss of rain and darkness.

Masterlist

#Spotify #colby brock #colby brock x reader #sam and colby #colby brock smut #sam golbach #sam golbach x reader #jay from the kubz scouts #kubz scouts x reader #qsmp quackity #quackity x reader smut

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blkmorticia · 2 years ago

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HOLIEST OF SINS 3 — FORBIDDEN EMBRACE

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. AARON TAYLOR JOHNSON X BLACK!READER

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. Aaron realizes that his obsession with y/n goes deeper than he initially thought. However, he soon realizes that he is not alone in his desires, as y/n also harbors strong feelings for him.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. 18+ DNI ➨ age difference (ATJ is in his 30s and Y/N early to mid twenties) ➨ slight mentions of god and bible verse ➨ religious theme ➨ mentions of infidelity.

𝐀/𝐍. before y’all yell at me! I know! this one is not a smut chapter just yet but i hope you guys notice the tension between each other *cries* i hope i convey it really well in this story!

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓. 12.5k

1 2 [you’re reading chapter 3 right now!]

"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law." - Romans 13:8

The rain twinkles against your windows creating a soft tinkling sound as your eyes flutter open. You are beyond exhausted. The only thing that is running through your mind is more sleep as you see the rain trickling down along the window pane.

You feel at peace and then, suddenly, regret— consciously beating yourself up for staying up so late. You could barely keep your eyes open, your body so tired and your mind begging for sleep. Eyelids get heavier, breathing gets steadier, and just as you were about to fall back to a deep sleep— your mother comes rushing into your room and starts rummaging through your closet. A surge of annoyance runs through you. You slung the pillow over your head to drown her ever perpetual nagging voice. To your dismay, she pinches you on your rear which immediately makes you sit up.

“Ouch, why would you do that?!”

Your mother rolls her eyes and sucks in her teeth in immediate irritation. “Girl, It didn’t hurt that bad. Stop being so dramatic and get up. get your outfit ready. We’re going to a church event.”

“Can I just stay home?”

“No,” she said with a pointed look.

You look at your mother as if to say ‘Are you serious?’. You begrudgingly get up from your bed, crossing your arms. You want to stay home, as being in a community-wide event is the last thing you want to do. Your mother quickly notices your attitude, and she gives you a hard look.

"Don't give me an attitude, Y/N. We are going to this event and that's final. Aaron has worked very hard planning this event. You will be polite and you will enjoy every minute of it." She did not tolerate your sassiness and attitude, and she wanted you to be on your best behavior for this event. What she didn't know, however, was that your heart started to beat very quickly whenever she thought of Aaron, your crush.

You'll definitely be on your best behavior, alright.

You formed a crush on him in your senior year of highschool. You never pay attention to your father’s friends at all—until he caught your eye that day at the pool party. Your father had pulled a prank on him by pushing him onto the pool and Aaron came out agitated in the kind of playful way that attracted you. It was an awakening, to see his white tee shirt, now wet, imprinted onto his abs. You've never noticed how good looking he was until then.

As the weather starts to clear up, it doesn't take long to get ready and you make sure everything is well packed in your purse. Your phone was charged and your airpods were charged for the whole car ride. You can hear your father yelling at you to hurry up as you take one more look before heading out of your room.

The car ride wasn’t exactly in silence, the radio was blasting with Christian gospel music which wasn't exactly the mood you wanted to listen to and for that exact reason, you spend a few minutes into the ride listening to secular music on your own the way there to church. Looking out the windows, the colorful leaves on the trees change shades and you glance at your parents holding hands, smiling at each other.

‘I wish someone would look at me like that the way Dad stares at Mom,’ You think to yourself, wistfully.

The ride has reached its destination; a large building with the bolded words 'OUR LADY OF THE ANGELS CHURCH' carved on the side. You and your mother get out as your father drives away, grumbling about the parking lot being full.

Your mother pulls you to the side in a hushed tone, “Now, that we are here. Please— please, I am begging you to be on your best behavior. Talk to your friends from highschool. Participate. Don’t ruin this for your father.”

You were only grumpy in the mornings. One attitude is not the end of the world.

Her eyes were pleading. This must have been on your mother’s mind for a while, and you roll your eyes, nodding afterwards. She could be dramatic when she wanted to. She let out a sigh of relief and with that, both of you went on your separate ways, with her leaving you to explore and look at different vendors.

As you walk around, scrolling mindlessly on your phone, you accidentally bump into someone. You were about to apologize before you realize it's a familiar face instead of the expected stranger. “Y/N?!” It was a friend and the pastor’s daughter you knew from highschool, one you hadn't seen for two years. “Oh my goodness, it’s been a while!"

Your eyes widen, and you quickly take off your airpods to put it back into the case before engulfing your long-time friend into a bear hug.

“Lisa! I thought you were in Paris?!” You exclaim in both bewilderment and confusion. She pulls back to take a good look at you, her cheeks red from grinning so hard. “Seeee— I was…for, like, two weeks.. after we graduated but then I got bored and went to Spain instead.”

You and Lisa were walking arm to arm now as she continued talking about her experiences in both France and Spain. “And the men over there? Whew. Amazing.” Lisa cheeks redden and she raises a hand to fan herself, earning a laugh from you.

“So, what about you? Anything delicious happening in your life?”

You were embarrassed yet impressed with how she talks about her sex life so brashly and confidently in front of all the elders that were side-eying her as you walked. She didn't care. You’d like to be more like her.

“No—", you begin, earning an immediate groan from Lisa. “But–but! I made new friends at college and we've been hanging out at cafes and museums," you finish proudly. Lisa, however, gives you a stare in return and you couldn’t tell if she was looking at you with pity or with judgment. You also couldn't tell which one was worse.

“No clubs?”

“Oh no..I’ve never been to a club. I still live with my parents, you know? Strict routine of classes, hanging out with friends, and then bible study.” Lisa nodded at you slowly, understanding the situation you’re in.

“Rightttt. While you’re in your twenties. Live a little, maybe?” You roll your eyes at her sarcastic comments, strolling along the grass.

You look around curiously to see where Aaron is. As much as you love Lisa, you do want to see him badly. He was the very thing you even came for, anyway. You steal a quick glance at him, noting how he stands so tall and how his hands stay on his hips, blue eyes monitoring the children to make sure they play safely. He looks so good— too good, and seeing his forehead glistening with sweat makes you want to walk up to him with a towel in hand, offering to wipe away all his hard work for him.

“How about this— look over to your right,” she suddenly commands, her voice interrupting your little stalker moment. You quickly turned your head to what she was talking about, shoulders dropping when you see people jumping around in potato sacks and competing in what looked like some sort of race.

“Look, if we do this and let’s say it we compete with each other and I win..you have to go clubbing with me,” Lisa sets the ultimatum, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

You were about to interrupt her with an ultimatum of your own before she went ahead, as if sensing you were about to protest.

“You’re usually good at this game so it's a fair chance to lose.” she shrugs.

“Lisa..No?” you start, nervously laughing at her idiotic idea. You're about to walk off until she pulls you back with her arms. “Hear me out. You don’t have to do anything crazy but dance to the music.” You both stare at each other for a minute, letting her words marinate before you nod at her in eventual agreement.

“...Fine. But I don't have any club-worthy clothes.” You say, emphasizing your complaints with fingers air quoting the words. Lisa waved her hands and scoffed. “Don’t worry about that, I'll help you!”

Lisa pulls you to the line without warning, gripping onto your arms tightly so you can't let go. Her eyes gleam with excitement and you both finalize the bet to participate in the sack race and if she wins, you’ll have to go clubbing with her. The sack game was familiar— you both always did it every year at church camp. The idea of clubbing doesn’t sound like something you’ll ever want to do but it could sound fun. You've never done a 'bad thing' in your life before. It's always been school, church, and whatever school activities provided after school.

You were the quintessential good girl.

The line is approaching too rapidly for your liking. A part of you wants to quit it before it eventually gets to you but the other side of you is competitive as well. “Just so you know, Lisa. l’m definitely kicking your butt." Lisa scoffs at both your new found confidence and your childish habit of not cursing just yet. “Okay, when I win, I’m definitely making you take a shot!” The two girls stare at each other with a playfully competitive look before breaking out laughing in unison.

The crowd lets out a surprised scream as Team Blue wins against Team Orange. It was now your turn to be part of the team. Lisa teamed up with orange and you went to the other side, tying up the blue ribbon on your arm. You quickly got into the sack, wasting no time. You were now in a competitive mood, although there was something — or rather, someone— who was threatening to distract you altogether.

Aaron was there with his whistle between his lips, and oh— he looks so good in those basketball shorts! His eyes, so blue and— You shake your head, beckoning your mind to stop being so desperate and to actually think about the game. The loud screeching of the whistle breaks you out of your thoughts as you realize the game has started. You sprint in the sack, determined. You were so competitive and determined to win this no matter what it took.

But was God with you at this very moment? No. Of course not. Because you miscalculated your hops and fell forward to the ground, hard. Hot tears form your eyes as you heard loud gasps and poorly disguised murmurs from the crowd. not only because it is painful but because you had embarrassed yourself in front of the crowd and Mr. Johnson! you wished the world would swallow you in whole. Aaron rushed to your side and picked you up in a bridal style.

“shh, darling’ s’okay.” you buried your face against Aaron’s neck out of shame to hide your tears. He signaled the guys to open the church doors so he can lead you in and place you carefully on the pew.

He went ahead and grabbed the first aid and crouched to your level. you watch him soak the gauze pad with solution which makes you whimper in fear. He notices your hesitation. “It's okay, sweetheart. s’ gonna hurt just for a little bit.” he was thankful that you wore a skirt. that pretty, light pink now, soiled, looks amazing against your complexion.

He strokes your thighs to comfort you. As Aaron tends to your wounds with care, you feel a mix of emotions. The pain from the cleaning solution stings, but his gentle touch on your thighs sends a shiver down your spine. You try to ignore the fluttery feeling in your stomach, but it only intensifies as he continues to stroke your skin.

‘What is this feeling?’ You wondered, it’s that same feeling you felt at the pool party.

‘You’re so soft,’ Aaron wanted to say this so badly. It would be inappropriate under the house of God

He lightly stroke the wound earning a hiss of pain from y/n. “You are doing so well for me, love.” Aaron puts aside his lust for a minute to encourage you to overcome your pain. You can't help but notice how close he is to you, crouching down and being so attentive to your needs. His concern and care make you feel vulnerable yet comforted at the same time. The way he looks at you, the way he touches you, it's different from how anyone else has ever treated you. He sits next to you, dangerously close, and tilts your head up to tend to a bruise on your chin. Your heart races as you catch a glimpse of his focused expression—his ocean-like eyes. You find it hard to speak, feeling tongue-tied in his presence.

you gulped nervously, fiddling with your fingers with the tissue around your finger until it turns white. you steal a glance at his face. Your heart is going badoom-badoom.

“How is the pain?” You weakly nod, unable to speak to find your voice. His caress on your cheeks sends sparks through your body. “It hurts, still— but I'll be okay.” you stammer out a response. He pulls you into a hug. In his embrace, you feel safe and cared for, You never want to let him go.

The intimacy between the two of you is palpable, and you both seem unaware of how uneven your breathing has become. You sit in silence, cuddled up to Aaron's side as he continues to stroke your inner thigh to soothe the pain. His touch sends tingles down your spine, and you find yourself leaning into him, craving his comfort.

Aaron's face is close to yours, and you can feel the warmth of his breath on your cheek. Your heart races as you catch a glimpse of his focused expression, and you're drawn to him in a way you can't fully comprehend. The way he touches you makes you feel alive, and you're caught in a moment of blissful vulnerability.

Drunk in his touch, you move even closer to his touch, you suck in your teeth when you were interrupted as people were coming into the church. disappointed by the cockblock, you reluctantly break his embrace, a pout forming is evident in your face. It was the only connection you had from Aaron, you never wanted to let go. You hide your disappointment with a frown.

Aaron cussed to himself to let go of her thighs—reluctantly. He was almost there. Annoyance spread through his body. He stood up, feigning a fake smile to her parents.

Your parents and Lisa find you in the pew with your head down. Your mother gushes over how messy your clothes are, rather than asking how you are, which is the norm between you two. You tune out her voice as you stare out the stained glass windows.

“I heard what happened to Y/N. She can be clumsy sometimes” Your father chuckles.

Aaron joins in, shrugging at the bare minimum. “No Worries, (Y/F/N). She's like a niece to me. we’re family after all.”

Niece? Family?

That brought you back to reality. He’s married. He's loyal to her. you’re just family to him. It was like someone hired an assassin to shoot your heart down.

Lisa interrupted your train of thoughts and sat next to you to whisper in your ear, “you know you lost right?” you are giving her a pinch and a look that mentally cusses her out.

As you head home, you can't help but replay the events of the day in your mind. The way Aaron had cared for you and touched you had stirred up emotions you hadn't felt before. But deep down, you can't deny the attraction you feel towards the blue eyed man, and it leaves you with a sense of sadness but the lingering ache in your heart. Aaron’s touch will forever remain etched in your mind, a bittersweet reminder of a connection that it will never happen or so you think.

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h-c-u · 2 years ago

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Eye of the storm pt 1

Summary: You can't cope with your grief and Beau is there for you.

Pairing: Beau "Cyclone" Simpson x fem!reader (Iceman's daughter)

W/C: 8k

Rating: PG, age gap, canon character's death (Tom Kazansky)

TWs: Grief, unnamed ED, Panic attacks.

A/N: It's going to be long and slow. And there is a lot of feelings. Is it healthy...? Wellll.... What in life truly is healthy...? Also - the next chapter is almost ready, and will be most likely posted on Sunday.

Part 2 | Part 3 Masterlist | List of tags | Eye of the storm playlist

Personal note: I am aware that grief is a very heavy topic for some people, and if you're not in the right mindset, please skip this story. A lot of what I described here is based on my personal experiences, so if you could, please don't comment on the amount of sleeping, crying and panic attacks. From the outside perspective, I know that there are a lot of them, and that it might even sound unrealistic for someone who was able to deal with loss in a more healthy way than I did. Everyone deals with it differently and I wish none of you, my dear readers, will experience what I did. Love, G.

The last few weeks were rough for you... Mostly because you just couldn't process your dad's death properly, and you were having terrible nightmares every night and panic attacks when you were awake. And yet, you were afraid to go back to therapy; you just... weren't ready yet, because actually going there and talking about it somehow made it more... true. And because acknowledging that would break you even more.

You couldn't spend more than a few minutes at home, because everywhere you looked you were expecting to see him, to hear him... Every time you looked at your phone you were expecting to see a text from him... Every time you looked at your driveway you expected to see him getting out of the car... But none of those things happened, and every time you realized that the won't happen ever again, it was crushing you over and over.

You cling to his clothes, desperately seeking the remains of his scent... You re-read his journals every day, hoping that somehow the last unfinished sentence magically fills in with his neat handwriting the next time you get to that page... You were obsessively listening to the recording of My Funny Valentine he made for your mother a few years ago when he still had his voice...

You knew that none of those things was healthy. And yet, you just couldn't let them go, making yourself re-live the pain of realizing that he's truly gone multiple times every day...

To say that you were close with your dad would be a severe understatement. You told him everything, and he told you even more than he was sharing with your mother. You were almost inseparable, especially during the last couple of years. You learned sign language with him and you were with him in every unofficial meeting, translating, because it was much faster than writing on a computer. You were with him at every doctor’s appointment and every round of chemo, talked him through every panic attack and moment of self-doubt, when your mother just couldn't handle it anymore.

And you missed him with every breath you took and with every heartbeat...

But ever since the funeral... you just couldn't handle it. And you had no one to help you, so you hid in the place where you could weirdly still feel his presence...

You never got into military; you knew you weren't built for that life. You craved personal freedom too much and the strict routine would kill you. And yet you found yourself seeking the comfort of that, even if only by existing in the same space as it was happening.

To be honest, you assumed that getting on base would be much harder, considering that you weren't even in the academy, but almost everyone you came in contact with got sudden amnesia and selective blindness when they saw you entering the base or walking the corridors... You usually just sat on the floor somewhere, tucked in the corner of the hangar, or in the furthest part of a cafeteria, being completely quiet and re-reading one of your dad's journals. It was the only place where you didn't feel like dying...

You were extremely careful not to accidentally stumble upon something you weren't supposed to see or hear, that's why it took you so long to get into your fathers office; because you assumed it was reassigned and you didn't want to be confronted by the new occupant...

But you finally gathered the courage to open the familiar door and enter even more familiar room. You've spent a lot of hours here... Sure, all the personal belongings were packed and sent to your mother's house, but you could still see the marks he made there...

The worn place on the edge of his desk, where he rubbed his thumb over and over, when someone was saying something extremely stupid during meetings. Blinds were still in the 2/3s of the window, just as he liked. The place in the carpet where he liked to keep his right foot perpendicularly to the floor, resting it on his toe was still visible. And many, many little things that gave unimaginable comfort when you saw them again. He was still here... Maybe not alive, but he was still here, and that took that heavy weight from your chest and shoulders, even if just for a moment.

You couldn't force yourself to sit in his chair, it felt almost sacrilegious... Instead, you opted on curling up on the couch you helped choose, just for few minutes... To catch a breath from the constant grieving, even if for a moment... You didn't even notice when you fell asleep, and for the first time in weeks, there were no nightmares haunting your dreams...

- Cyclone...? - he heard a familiar voice, and he instantly turned around. - Are you ok, buddy? - Warlock looked a little bit concerned but got curious when his friend put his finger on his lips, shushing him, and closing the door to his office a bit more.

- I'm fine... - he lied smoothly, trying to position himself in front of his door in such a way, that his friend wouldn't see inside, but he failed.

- What the...!? - to say that Solomon was surprised and confused would be an understatement, when he caught sight of the young women sleeping on the couch in his friend's office.

- Shush. - Cyclone pulled his friend by the elbow further into the corridor, so their conversation wouldn't be so loud.

- Why the hell she's in your office, and more importantly, why the hell were you watching her sleep? - Warlock crossed his arms on his chest evidently judging, and Beau's shoulders slumped as he looked at the floor.

- Because she thinks this office is still unoccupied... And it's the only place where she doesn't have nightmares when she sleeps... - he bluntly avoided answering the second question, because if he did, he would actually have to admit few things out loud, and he definitely didn't want to do that in front of his friend.

- And you know that because...? - Solomon dug deeper and Cyclone sighed heavily.

- Because I overheard her conversation with her mother after I caught her for the first time...

- Jesus Christ, Beau...

- I know, believe me. - he was evidentially ashamed of what he did, and Sol didn't even know the half of it.

- How often is she here? - Warlock sighed again and let his arms fall to his sides.

- Every day... - even though Beau was much higher than his friend, right now he felt much, much shorter.

- Every...!? Cyclone, what the actual fuck!? - vice-admiral wanted nothing more than for the ground beneath him to open and swallow him whole. - Wait... If she's in your office every day... Where have you been working from? - the judgement disappeared for a moment, replaced by curiosity.

- From a conference room on the 3rd floor... - compared to the previous things, this one was easy to admit, and now Solomon just laughed quietly...

- Shit, you're in deep, aren't you... Working from that shoebox just so she can catch some sleep... For how long exactly? - usually very sure in himself and confident Beau Simpson was currently folding onto himself in front of his best friend.

- Almost two months... - he mumbled under his breath, readying for the next wave of laughter.

- Have you even talked to her? - Cyclone didn't have to reply for Solomon to know the answer. - Why?

- She's very obviously grieving. And she's Iceman's very young daughter and he would... - he couldn't even finish that sentence.

- He would what... kill you? A bit late for that, isn't it...? - if looks could kill, Solomon would be dead then and there. - And I didn't mean it like that... Everyone treats her either as a ghost or like an egg which could break any second. Just treat her as a human being, not as a daughter of a dead father. Talk to her. And don't creepily watch her sleep ever again, because you won’t have to wait for Kazansky to kill you, I'll do it for him, I'm serious. - his expression told Beau that indeed, he wasn't joking.

Cyclone sighed heavily and straightened himself, trying to put on his usual expression of confidence and nonchalance, which came surprisingly easy.

- Could you...? - he asked before they went their separate ways.

- Yeah, yeah... Your creepy little secret is safe with me... - he just shook his head when his friend's face showed nothing but relief for a short moment. - But seriously, she's a human being first, just remember that. - Cyclone only nodded, straightened himself and readjusted the flies and laptop he was holding in his hands. - Atta boy. - older man couldn't help but laugh and patted his friend on the shoulder.

But when Beau was passing his door, he couldn't help but take one last look at the sleeping girl in his office... She looked so innocent and peaceful, curled up in a tiny ball on only one couch cushion, desperately trying to occupy as little space as possible. Her breathing was steady, and he could see her chest slowly raising and coming down, even from that far. He didn't have time to study the light freckles on her cheeks that were glistening like gold in the rays of morning sunshine. He took this sight one last time and gently closed the door, leaving her completely alone, which was much more true than he realized at the moment.

Next time he saw you was on the balcony of the hangar. He was looking for a quiet space to eat, because he hated eating in the canteen with a passion. Someone was always either staring at him, or trying to talk to him, and he wasn't sure which was worse. He also didn't want to eat in his office, because he honestly thought, you were still there and he didn't want to disturb you. So, he was a bit surprised when he saw you in one of the biggest hangars, where the lights were off and the only sound that could be heard was planes landing and taking off on the tarmac.

He didn't say anything, just sat about a meter away from you, took a smoothie from his lunch bag and placed it right next to you, wordlessly giving it to you, and started to eat his sandwich in silence. He didn't ask any questions, didn't make any remarks, just... kept you company, while you couldn't stop staring at the glass bottle, he presented you with. You eventually placed your dad's notebook on the ground and cautiously took the glass bottle into one hand. Even though the intention was obvious, you still weren't entirely sure if it wasn't happening in your imagination.

- Peanuts...? - you asked quietly, without even looking at him. Your voice hoarse and rough from all the crying and screaming. You honestly weren't sure exactly when was the last time you spoke to anyone. Even your mother wasn't calling you that often, tired of your constant grief; you didn't blame her though. Cyclone only shook his head for no, which you caught with a corner of your eye.

- Cashews, apples, kiwis, coconut milk and fresh, young nettle. - he said after he swallowed the bite of his sandwich. You still held the glass bottle as if it was about to explode any moment, but eventually you opened it and took a sniff before you put it to your lips and took a sip. It was... good. Tasty.

- Thank you... - you whispered and started slowly sipping on the smoothie while he continued eating his breakfast. He only nodded once in response, letting you know that there’s nothing to thank for.

You of course knew him... For the last couple of years, you were interpreting your dad's words in the meetings with him at least couple of times a week. You didn't know much about his personal life though. But right now, he was the right person in the right place, at the right time. His mere presence brought you weird comfort, taking you back to simpler times.

He finished the meal first, but he didn't go, just reclined a bit, seeking support in the wall behind. He wasn't rushing you and didn't even give you impression that he was in a hurry, so you continue to take small sips of something that had actual sustenance, instead of tea or a single fruit that you could barely stomach. You knew you should be eating more, because you started to see bones through your skin that you weren't able to see before the funeral. The clothes were secondary, because you were mostly wearing your dad's old t-shirts and jackets, which were already much too big for you, but they brought you comfort, and you held to that small piece of support with all your might. but because of that, you haven't noticed how much weight you actually lost.

So, you were extremely grateful for that smoothie, because you just didn't have the energy to even think about the food, you just didn't know how to show it or say it, so a simple "thank you" had to suffice, at least for now.

You weren't sure how much time had passed until you finally finished the drink and closed the bottle, but it was at least half an hour, maybe even closer to an hour. You suspected that he had other things to do, yet he was sitting on the cold, metal floor of a balcony with you, as if you were kids who just met in the kindergarten. And if you had to be completely honest, you didn't mind that. Because he didn't do or say anything that was supposed to make you feel better. You were just two people. Eating breakfast. And for the first time in weeks, you smiled...

He joined you later that day again; you were still sitting on the same balcony, so you weren't exactly hard to find. This time he brought you a wrap with smoked salmon, avocado, sunflower seeds and Philadelphia cheese. He had sushi... And you sat in complete silence again, not even one word between you this time, because even simple "thank you" seemed too heavy for you.

You didn't know why he was doing that, but deep inside, you were grateful. It was your second meal of the day since forever, and he stayed with you till you ate it whole, which took at least thirty minutes, because the bites you were taking were small and far apart. And yet he didn't say a word, didn't complain, didn't rush you... Just sat there and ate his sushi, and after he finished, he leaned again on the wall behind him. It wasn't easy for you to relax, but you at least didn't find his presence overbearing, which was progress.

Small, yet somehow significant. But Rome wasn't built in a day.

After you finished eating, he took the wrapping from you to throw away and left you alone again, saying goodbye with a simple smile.

In the afternoon he brought you hot black tea, a caramel cookie and a blanket, which you let him drape over your body while you were holding thermal mug in your hands. He was really careful and made sure not to actually touch you, because in his mind it was a line, he wasn't ready to cross just yet. He again sat with you while you were slowly nibbling on the cookie and sipping tea. You suspected that the mug he brought the tea in was his personal one, because you seriously doubted that navy had yeti mugs just laying around, but you didn't say a word. Commenting on that would require much more energy than you had left in your batteries for today. Maybe tomorrow...

This time he didn't bring anything for himself, so he was just sitting next to you with his eyes closed. He was breathing slow and steady, and that quiet, rhythmic sound somehow managed to ground you enough that you finally looked at him. The sun was slowly setting over the horizon and shined its rays on both of you... He looked... tired. But at the same time calm and content. You could tell that he wasn't in any hurry to get anywhere, and if he had any worries on his mind, there weren't reaching him this high up. You could see his chest slowly rising with every breath... Unknowingly, you focused on the same things he noticed about you, when he was looking at you sleeping.

You eventually looked forward again and went back to slowly sipping from a giant mug of tea. You were surprised to learn that it was your favorite - earl grey with bluebottle flowers, with a little bit of honey. You doubted that it was an accident, but you honestly didn't care right now; it didn't matter.

Only after you finished your tea, you realized that he wasn't just sitting there... He fell asleep, and that made you smile for the second time today. You placed an empty mug on his left side, and moved a bit closer to him. The metal floor was getting colder this late in the day, and he was bound to get cold sooner rather than later, so you unfolded the blanket he draped over you, and put it around him as well. If he was tired enough to fall asleep here, he definitely deserved to get some rest. The blanket was big enough that it covered both of you, without forcing you to touch, so you could go back to re-reading your dad's journal in the last rays of sun for the day.

At first you didn't notice his scent, because the detergent on the blanket was so strong, but it finally got to you, after few minutes of sitting in such close proximity. He smelled faintly of either pine or spruce, and a hint of very good quality soap. At first it distracted you, but it didn't take long for you to stop consciously noticing it. It still surrounded you though...

You weren't sure what was the exact reason... If it was the heat radiating of the body next to you, his calm and steady breath, the fact that you actually ate today, or maybe the combination of all three, but you eventually joined him and fell asleep, sitting under one blanket with vice-admiral Beau Simpson.

When he woke up, he didn't know where he was at first. His back and ass were cold, but the front of his body was pleasantly warm. It was dark all around him and he had trouble identifying anything. But finally his train of thoughts caught up with reality, and he realized what, or rather who, was responsible for the additional weight on his thighs.

He gave his eyes few minutes to adjust to the darkness and he was finally able to see the familiar outline of your head, which made him smile. He still couldn't say what exactly possessed you to lay on him and, but the realization finally got to him, based on the blanket placement. You must have fell in your sleep, without even realizing it, and it made him chuckle a little. He couldn't help but move your hair from your forehead and you took a deeper breath when he did that. He didn't want to wake you up, but at the same time, he knew that it wasn't the best place for you to sleep, mostly because of the temperature, and he didn't want you to get sick.

But he selfishly didn't move for few more minutes, just taking in your presence. He was watching you from afar for so long, that actually being so close to you seemed... surreal, almost like a dream. Especially in the moonlight that was coming through the giant windows above you. In his eyes, you looked as if you stepped straight out of a fairy-tale to bless him with your company.

You looked so peaceful and he hated that he had to disturb that, but to his surprise, when he touched your arm and gently shook it, you didn't wake up... You didn't even react in the slightest.

At first, he wanted to try to call your name, to shake you a bit stronger, but another, admittingly more creepy plan won in his head.

Very gently he hooked your arm on his neck, turned towards you, and grabbed you under your knees and your back. You weighed almost nothing in his arms, and he could feel your shoulder blades even through the jacket you were wearing. Your head moved forward and rested on his chest, instead of lulling back, following the gravity. He left his mug on the balcony, making a mental note to come back for it later, when you'll be out of his arms.

He walked slowly and carefully, trying his best not to wake you up. There wasn't a lot of people in the corridors this late, and those who were, suddenly went quiet and found something else to look at. At first, he wanted to get you to his office, but he selfishly didn't want to leave you there alone, and sleeping on the rough carpet didn't sound that appealing... Instead, he took you to the quarters that were assigned to him. It was a small room, with almost no decoration. There was a bunk bed built into the wall, even though he was the only one assigned to this room, a small desk, a wardrobe, armchair in the corner.

He didn't spend a lot of time here, preferring his house off the base, but this room was still available to him if needed. And today definitely qualified under "if needed". He didn't even turn the lights on because he knew how harsh they were, and he was afraid that you would wake up.

He gently placed you on the lower bed.

He was torn about what to do next, but he eventually unlaced your shoes, took them off, and placed them under the bed. Not creepy at all. At last, he slowly moved the duvet from under you and covered you with it, even though you were still wrapped in a blanket. But when he was covering your shoulders, you desperately grabbed his wrist in your sleep and pulled it closer to your chest. He tried to gently pry your fingers away, so he could climb into the top bed and fall asleep, but you didn't want to let go.

He honestly considered climbing in the bed with you for a moment, but Solomon's voice slapped him over the head and instead he sighed heavily. Without moving too much, he grabbed a cushion from the armchair and placed it on the floor next to the bed. he also grabbed a pillow from the top bunk and did his best to find the most comfortable position while sitting on the floor. He eventually unbuttoned and loosened his collar. In the ideal world, he would be able to take his shirt of completely without waking you up, leaving only his t-shirt... That was a lie... In the ideal world, he wouldn't have to worry so much about you because you wouldn't be grieving... He also took his shoes off and put a pillow on the shoulder that you were currently trying to pull closer, and rested his head on it, trying to find the best angle, so the edge of the bed wouldn't be stabbing his ribs.

He looked at you one last time before closing his eyes and focused on your breathing for a moment.

It was calm and steady, which told him that even though you were clutching his arms like a lifebuoy, you didn't have a nightmare; at least that's what he was hoping for...

You woke up in an unfamiliar place, yet somehow you felt calmer than you felt in weeks. At first you didn't even want to open your eyes, in fear that if you did, that bubble of serenity would disappear in a blink of an eye. So, you laid there without even moving a finger, allowing yourself absorb every second of that bliss.

Only after good five minutes you realized that you were holding someone's hand and your eyes shot open in a slight panic, which only grew when you realized your current position.

Vice-admiral Beau Simpson was sitting on the floor, draped over the edge of the bed in which you were currently laying. Your heartrate immediately jumped, and your brain slowly started to fill in the blanks with the most rational possibility. You fell asleep. He took you to this room so you could sleep in the bed. But you didn't let him go...

So, he slept next to you. On the floor. In a very uncomfortable position.

It must have been very early, because the sun wasn't fully over the horizon yet, painting the sky with a muted orange color, that filled the room almost completely.

You took a closer look at his sleeping face for the second time during last twenty-four hours; the calmness of if somehow rubbed off on you, and you weren't panicking anymore... You couldn't place exactly why you were reacting that way to his presence, but you did... And now it was your turn to do something creepy and stupid...

Without letting him go, you gently cupped his cheek with your free hand and his eyes immediately shot open, but he calmed down when he saw you. You didn't say anything... Instead, you pulled him towards you, and moved closer to the wall, making space for him under heavy duvet in the very narrow bed, and he followed... Like a puppy on a leash... He climbed into bed with you, ignoring all the sirens in his head.

You let go of his hand and he pulled the covers over both of you, and just as he was beginning to feel unsure about what to do with his limbs, you took his arm again and guided it around your body, letting it rest on the top part of your stomach, and covered it with your own. After that his other hand easily found a place under your pillow and his left ankle rested on top of your right.

At this moment in time, this was the only thing you needed from life...

You didn't even realize how quickly your breaths synchronized, lulling both of you back to sleep.

When you woke up for the second time, the sun was high up, and he was gone... You couldn't help feeling a bit sad. You knew that he had to work, and there were total of... 12 words exchanged between you two. But to your surprise, that sadness had a different taste than the one you felt constantly for the last two months... But you knew that if you started analyzing and dissecting it, you would spiral again.

When you turned around and looked around the room, you noticed your bag resting on the floor next to the desk, your dad's journal on the desk, and a another glass bottle with a short "no peanuts" scribbled on a post-it note stuck to the side of it. But... you didn't want to get out of bed just yet. Your rational brain was screaming at you that you definitely should, because you were already abusing vice-admiral's hospitality. Not to mention that you used his body... Well, not in the most obvious way, but still... On the other hand, he wasn't exactly yelling at you and protesting.

So, staying in bed it was...

But first you took your jacket off and hung it over the ladders edge. You also took of your jeans and socks because it was extremely warm under the duvet. It definitely wasn't navy issued and even only in your underwear and your dad's much too big for you t-shirt, you were hot. But it was pleasant, because for the longest time you were always cold... It was partially to the fact that you weren’t eating enough, and partially because you were... well... depressed. So, you welcomed that warmness with your whole heart, covering even your head, leaving only a small gap for the oxygen to come in.

It wasn't long before you fell asleep again, surrounded by a very subtle pine or spruce smell.

Next time you didn't wake up on your own... Vice-Admiral Simpson was kneeling next to the bed and gently moving your hair from your forehead.

- You need to eat something... - he whispered quietly. He didn't want to wake you up, but when he came back with lunch and saw that you didn't even touch your breakfast, he got a little bit worried. You wanted to shake your head for no, because you already ate so much yesterday, and you were still full from that... Sleep sounded much better than eating. But instead of refusing you ended up following his nods. - Just a quick small meal, and you can go back to sleep, ok...? - he asked, but it wasn't a request. You propped yourself on the wall behind you and took a glass bottle you saw earlier from his hands.

It took you a good minute to hype yourself up to actually take a sip, but when you saw relief on his face... Well... It helped with every sip that followed the first one.

He stayed with you until you finished the whole smoothie and gave you a gentle smile when he took the empty bottle from your hands. You moved your pinky just by few millimeters, so you could touch his hand. You weren't entirely sure if you did that consciously or subconsciously, but he didn't pull away for few more seconds, allowing the touch to linger.

He wanted nothing more than to climb to bed with you again and protect you from both the outside world and what was happening in your mind, and you were so naively allowing him to do so... He couldn't help but feel like he was taking advantage of you, but you were a fully grown woman... Much, much younger than him, but still.

He wanted to tell you how much of a good girl you were for drinking the whole smoothie, and how proud and happy he was that you were finally getting enough sleep, but that would cross so many lines, that he wasn't even sure if he could count that high.

You were so obviously depressed and grieving, that even an idiot would have noticed, and instead of getting you professional help, he was selfishly keeping you in his room, feeding you food he prepared and occasionally climbing in the bed with you...

He clenched his jaw and finally pulled away, breaking this small point of contact between your bodies. And everything would have been fine, if you didn't follow his movements, and kneeled on his bed, and cupped his face with your right hand, forcing him to look you in the eyes. He almost immediately looked away, afraid of what you could possible find there, but you followed his gaze and intercepted it again.

- Thank you... - your voice barely a whisper, because you couldn’t make it any stronger... Not yet... He only nodded in response and moved away from your hand by finally standing up.

- I will leave the lunch on the desk... It's a crab sushi roll, please try to eat it when you'll wake up next time, ok...? - he pleaded and you simply couldn't say no to that, so you nodded - Also, there is grape juice... - "your favorite..." he wanted to add, but he didn't want to explain exactly how he knew that. But your soft smile told him everything he needed to know. - Do you... want a book? - he asked with one hand on the door handle, and you considered your response for a moment, but eventually shook your head for no. You didn't think you had enough in you to process anything new. He gave you one last, soft smile and you were alone again.

Usually, it would the prime time for a panic attack, but you stayed calm, grounded by the subtle scent vice-admiral left behind.

You laid back in bed, and closed your eyes, even though it was the middle of the day, and harsh rays of sunshine would make it extremely hard for a regular person to fall asleep. But you had 2 months of catching up to do. And you were going to squeeze everything you possible could from that bubble of calmness, because you honestly didn't know how long it would last.

Next time you woke up, it was still bright outside, and nothing in the room changed, so you assumed that no one visited you while you slept. At first you wanted to go back to sleep immediately, but you remembered that you promised Beau that you would at least try to eat... With a heavy sigh, you got out of bed; but before you got to the food, you opened a window, to let some fresh air in. What you didn't predict was, that the fresh air was cold. So, you took your lunch and grape juice, sat in the armchair, curled your legs under you and pulled a t-shirt over them.

It took you good five minutes before you actually took a first bite, and even longer to take the second one... But you kept at it, slowly but surely eating the lunch that Beau prepared for you. And you were sure that he made it because you knew canteen menu well enough to know that they didn't have sushi. If you weren't so cut from reality, you would be wondering what all that meant, but at this specific moment you could find the energy only for slowly eating. And with every bite it was easier to take and swallow the next one. It wasn't a big portion, and yet you still weren't able to eat more than half.

And this time you didn't go straight back to sleep after eating... Instead, you grabbed the journal and continued reading where you left off yesterday.

That's how vice-admiral Simpson found you... Curled up in his chair, completely hidden in a tent made from your dad's t-shirt, so even your toes weren't visible, with a very old journal in your hands. One look at the desk told him that you did your best to follow his request, and then was that feeling again... The one that demanded that he tell you how proud and happy he was, but he squashed it before it grew any bigger.

- I brought you some towels, a toothbrush and a change of clothes. You don't have to do anything, they will just be here, in case you'd want them... - he placed the small bundle on the edge of the desk. He also brought with him a thermal mug full of tea. "I'm sorry I can't stay..." he wanted to apologize while holding you closely in his arms and showering you with gentle kisses all over your neck and chest. Instead, he just put a yeti mug on the desk close to you, and was gone before you even managed to thank him.

For a few more minutes you tried to focus on your father's handwriting, but your eyes kept wondering to the bundle he left for you. You didn't have to, he said it himself... But you were curious enough to stand up from the armchair and take a closer look. Towel was nothing special... Well, at the first glance. Another thing that might have looked like it was military issued but wasn't. The one you were currently holding in your hands was much, much bigger, and softer than the ones issued in the common area. Inside the towel there was a plain white t-shirt, soft grey shorts, plain black underwear and... fluffy dark-green socks. To say that you were surprised would be an understatement. Not only underwear was in your size, but you couldn't help but wonder where he got the socks from. You gently run your fingers through the soft material, and you couldn't help but smile.

Now you definitely had to take that shower.

You correctly assumed that the second door indeed led to a very tiny bathroom. You took your clothes off, folded them neatly and stepped into the shower. Both the water pressure and the temperature were perfect, and you spent much more time in the bathroom than you initially planned. It was spruce, not pine... you realized when you saw the shampoo on the small shelf. He was using a natural, spruce scented shampoo... And now you will smell like him...

You dried yourself with a towel and put on the clothes he gave you. Both shorts and t-shirt were too big for you, but you honestly didn't mind. You did your best to dry your hair, but they were still very damp when you left the bathroom. You hang the towel on the radiator, so it would dry faster, and finally put on the fluffy socks. It was such a small thing, and yet it brought you so much joy. Not only they were extremely soft, but they were also in your favorite color. You settled back in the armchair and looked first at the journal and then at the unfinished roll... You sighed heavily and reached for the latter.

It took you more time than taking a shower to finish your lunch, but you finally did, after which you got up again to wash your teeth. You noticed that he gave you the same toothbrush as the one that was in the cup on the sink, and since you didn't want them to mix up, you just placed yours on shelf next to the mirror, which you avoided more than a plague.

All that food and hot temperature started to knock you out and you climbed back to bed, hid under the covers and almost immediately dozed off.

When Cyclone came back to his temporary quarters, he felt that nagging feeling again... You not only ate everything he left for you, but also found enough energy to take a shower, which he knew must have been huge, ever since you stopped running on that harmful autopilot and had to actually think about what you were doing. He took one look at you and the warmth spilled inside his chest... You were laying in his bed, wearing his clothes, smelling like him... He couldn't help that feeling of possessiveness that crept in and demanded that he marks you in so many more ways, but he squashed it again. Now was not the time... And he was better than his basic instincts.

So instead, he went to the bathroom and took a quick cold shower. He noticed with a soft smile that you kept your toothbrush separated from his; he should have thought about it earlier and bring you one that didn't look like his, but still... A very small thing, yet it left a mark that you were there.

You didn't wake up to the quiet hum of the water, or when he took a fresh set of clothes from the wardrobe to wear to bed. And before he climbed up to the top bunk, he took one look at you, only now noticing that you were shivering. He quickly closed the window and put the duvet over you. He wanted to kiss your forehead so badly... but he didn't, settling on tucking your hair behind your ear, so he could see your face better. You looked... a bit more like you today, than you did yesterday.

He sighed softly and finally climbed in the top bed.

You knew that something was wrong before you even woke up. Your heart was pounding, your hands and legs were shaking, your cheeks were completely soaked with silent tears, and when you finally woke up, you couldn't catch your breath. You tried to stay as quiet as you could, while attempting to take gasp after gasp of air, but your lungs just weren't cooperating. You knew what it was, you knew how to deal with it in theory. Yet when it came to actually calming down... You were desperate...

You got out of your bed and as gently as you could, put your cold fingers on Beau's shoulder, which jolted him awake. And when he saw in what state you were in, you didn't even register how he got down; you just felt his arms pulling you to his chest and surrounding you from every angle. His embrace was strong enough to ground you in reality, and his scent only amplified that. You were openly sobbing into his shirt, not really caring about the potential consequences. You didn't register when exactly he sat on the lover bunk, and pulled you with him, letting you curl up in his lap, with his arms still tightly wrapped around you. He pressed his cheek you your forehead and was whispering something you didn't understand in your current state, but his voice alone was enough to pulled you out of that spiral and try to match his breathing, even if that hurt your lungs in the short term. You knew from experience that it was the best option to pull you out of that self-loathing spiral. He realized what you were trying to do and started breathing a bit quicker so it would be easier for you to match that tempo, and only after you did that, he slowed down again...

Only now you started to process what he was saying to you... How well you were doing, what a good girl you were, how brave you were, how he was proud that you started to calm down... You weren't even sure if he realized what he was saying, because as soon as you went stiff in his arms, he immediately stopped, as if it hit him too.

The rational part of your brain was screaming at you that it wasn't normal and that you should get out, but everything else was telling you to stay near him at all costs. You weren't sure if you were getting addicted to him or what any of it meant... You just knew you felt safe, and for now... That was more than you could have said about your own home. At this specific moment, you didn't give a shit if he was using you, or if you were using him, because it just felt so good... not to feel numb.

- I'm sorry... - you mumbled against his skin, still clinging to his shirt with one hand, as if you were afraid that if you let go, all of this would disappear, and you would be alone again.

- Shhhhh... It's ok, it's ok... - he started to gently rub your back and pulled you even closer, which you thought was impossible... - What do you need, babygirl…? - a pet name left his mouth before he even realized that it started forming on his tongue, and when it reached your ears, it was already too late. For both of you...

- Just... Don't leave... Please... - you finally whispered, and he could swear you would be able to hear his heart break for you... You needed so much more than he felt he was able to give you and it broke him, but heavens and hells be damned, if he didn't at least try.

- I'm here, I'm not going anywhere... - he whispered against the top of your head. - Just let it all go, I'm here to catch you... - he said and that was enough for you to start sobbing again, but this time not because of the panic attack...

After two months of suppressing everything you possibly could, you finally felt safe enough to actually let some of those things go. It was stupid and small, but you were slowly accepting one small thing after another... You will never get a message from your dad wishing you a good day. You will never wave him goodbye from your childhood bedroom when he'd be leaving to DC or somewhere else... You will never clean up after his botched breakfast... You will never sneak into his workshop to scare him. Never fight with him about your non-existing parking skills. Never watch him start a fire in the fireplace. Never get a handwritten letter from him on your birthday. Never bicker with him about the correct way to store chopped wood. Never sing another Christmas song with him...

So many small things that clumped together into one giant monstrosity that consumed every aspect of your life, and letting it go in one move was simply impossible. So, you slowly chipped away one thing after another, spent a short moment holding it close to your heart for the last time and finally let it go...

You couldn't stop crying, but a moment came when you run out of tears, so you ended up quietly sobbing into Beau's shirt, clinging to him, as if he was the last thing on Earth.

And he didn't lie... He was there to catch you when you were falling. Every time you started sobbing harder, he gently soothed your back, started whispering sweet nothings straight into your ear, and what was most important, he didn't let you go, not even for a second.

Both of you were lost in time, holding each other to give and receive comfort you both so desperately needed, just for entirely different reasons.

It took him a moment to realize that you passed out from exhaustion, because after a while, you started to sob without making any sounds, only shaking against him from time to time... He dried your wet cheeks with his thumb and just looked at you for a long moment. The sun was getting ready to raise up again and started creeping into the room but wasn't reaching the bed just yet. He no longer gave a fuck about what was proper and what was not... Not when you broke in his arms, and he couldn't do anything more than just not let you go... He laid you down and he couldn't believe how peaceful you looked after what just happened.

Before he joined you, he lowered the blinds and shot a quick message to Solomon, so he'd be able to keep his promise to you. It was dangerously easy for him to slip into bed next to you and find the perfect position to wrap you in his arms and pull you as close to him as humanly possible. In your sleep you grabbed the front of his shirt and tightened your fingers around it, and he didn't mind that in the slightest. He rested his face in your hair and was content with just being surrounded with your scent, which was dangerously close to his own now. He placed a soft kiss on the top of your head and felt your fingers relaxing a bit, but he didn't do that again, afraid of what he could do if he'd start moving that line further and further away.

He wasn't able to fall asleep for the longest time, because he was afraid that you might wake up in the middle of another breakdown, so he just laid there with his eyes closed, listening to your breathing mixed with familiar sounds of a military base waking up... Somehow this tiny room became its own microcosm in the last 24 hours, and it felt like it was disconnected from anything else, despite being so close to, well... everything. He could hear the laughter of young pilots, running water somewhere far away, people complaining about the breakfast. And yet, all of that felt at least few universes away, when you were in his arms. But finally, this part of the base became quiet with everyone getting to their duties, and only now he was able to doze off...

Part 2

A/N 2: Please don't feel obligated/pressured to reblog, because I write mostly for myself. But I would really appreciated if you commented :) Love, G.

A/N 2: Please don’t feel obligated/pressured to reblog, because I write mostly for myself. A comment would be appreciated though :) Love, G.

#my writing #TW: ED #TW: Panic Attack #TW: grieving #Top Gun Maverick fanfiction #beau simpson x reader #Cyclone x reader #Beau Simpson fanfiction #Beau Cyclone Simpson fanfiction #Beau Cyclone Simpson x reader #Cyclone fanfiction #🖤#📏

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bodybeyondstories · 8 months ago

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dicks keep growing around me - 5 (Miguel)

After his date with Myron last night (and this morning) Miguel finds himself unable to focus on anything work related, instead coming to multiple realizations about the complications of their respective weird powers.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 (Previous) | 6 (Next)

maleTF // butt growth // dick growth // self suck // nsfw

3744 words

A good luck charm, I thought, my mind occupied by this revelation as I rumbled along on my morning commute, the train car packed as usual. I managed to get a seat and use my shoulder bag to cover up the obvious bulge crammed messily into my pants that morning as, upon finally seeing Myron off, well fed and satisfied–in more ways than one–I realized I was significantly more late to work than I thought.

I had hoped that clearing the pipes multiple times in the past twelve hours would get me some respite, but the carnal need concentrated in my groin was ever present, thunderclouds lingering in the horizon of my mind. It’s strange how quickly you can get used to the incessant pull of horniness, the volcanic eruption waiting just below the surface, threatening to wipe out the surrounding countryside with a pyroclastic flow. I structured my days now around keeping the python in my pants drained and sated, releasing the pressure valve of cum several times a day, from bed to shower to periodic visits to the single stall bathroom in the office. After enough catastrophic wardrobe malfunctions, I had backups and backups for the backups, counting myself lucky if I could make it through the day without soaking another pair of pants with precum.

Not that it was all bad. I’d been having the most incredible orgasms of my life and woke up every morning with the gooey kiss of my morning wood hovering just below my lips, inviting them for a makeout sesh that I was happy to oblige. The awkwardness and extra layers of management and planning were a constant concern, but I was starting to feel a confidence at the sight of myself in the mirror, my root dangling between my knees, refusing to be ignored. How many guys have fantasized about having this exact problem?

At the next stop, one of the regulars on my commute slipped in through the closing doors in the nick of time. I could never tell if he was getting off third shift or starting first, but he always looked good in the pink medical scrubs that tastefully complemented his physique. By the looks of his arms, he probably worked out a few times a week, just enough to stay toned, but as he maneuvered around the rush hour crush and found the pole in front of me, my eyes locked on to the bubble butt overfilling the seat of his pants.

I had always appreciated the cute butt in those scrubs, but it was looking particularly good lately, perched atop a pair of juicy legs that looked like they saw a squat rack daily. He looked disproportionate below the waist, packed into pants that went beyond form fitting and were arguably a few sizes too small. He kept surreptitiously adjusting his waistband and shifting his stance, as if slowly coming to the same realization.

Hmm, I thought. Another data point. Winston had also been my subway commute crush, I remembered. Could everyone packed into this car with me be getting unintended ass enhancements? I was too unsettled by the thought to do any casual reconnaissance of the assets of the other riders, my crotch already warming with excitement at the idea that that theory might be right. For how long has the general public been growing inexplicably juicy derrieres on their daily commutes? It’d be a great marketing campaign for using public transport, I mused. Why go to the gym when you can just take the train with yours truly?

So I tried very intentionally to mind my own business, not wanting to ogle this dude in public but especially not wanting to wake the beast. As a space opened next to me, he smoothly slid around the poll, his overdeveloped glutes briefly eclipsing my entire field of vision, and squeezed in. He had a moment of shifting his hips uncomfortably, as if he wasn’t used to the seat or had expected there to be more room, eventually giving up and playing it off as he glanced up at the ads along the ceiling.

I was frozen in terror. That morning, I had had no time for clever maneuvering or tricks of the light and had unceremoniously shoved my penis into some trunks and compression shorts. I had long ago outgrown anything that had a pouch remotely capable of containing this monster, so it indignantly ran along my waist, the very sensitive cock head disguised as a fold along my left hip. A fold that this guy had just been accidentally grinding against with no idea of the repercussions. Shivers shot up and down my spine, my eyes tightening in concentration as my hips twitched and I self-consciously held a tightly controlled posture, afraid of even the slightest motion resulting in a runaway train of arousal in the worst possible location.

I pulled out my phone and began skipping through my email for the most unsexy possible distraction, deleting some typical weekday spam about a presentation coming up, the expense reports, something about the windows and an updated schedule from the office maintenance guy, Wes. I swiped each one into oblivion, intensely not thinking about my dick.

This lasted for an agonizing several stops until with a flurry of pink, the guy got up to leave, the side of his glutes shifting the layers of fabric between us, sending a jolt of pleasure along the length of my dick. I gasped, just loud enough for him to glance back with a look of self-consciousness at his backside then slight confusion in the general direction of my waist before he shook his head briefly and turned to exit. Close call.

I somehow made it to work without further incident. Maybe I should switch back to biking to work, I thought wryly, imagining my junk smashed painfully between my pumping legs and the narrow seat. At least I could blow off some steam. I was barely cognizant of the goings on in the office that morning. I stayed put at my desk, still basking in the ebb and flow of post-coital bodily contentment, pursuing emails through a veil of apathy, my mind still wrapped up in my evening–and morning–with Myron.

I was honestly surprised he had agreed to go on a date, showing up at my go to date night cocktail bar in those tweed slacks that made his ass curve like that. I was so nervous. Was I trying too hard? Was the cologne too much? Was I overdressed? He looked so cute and casual in a way that just worked. But we had a great time, even with the surprise visit of a somehow even more bootylicious Winston terrorizing the gays and girls at the establishment–and my awkward stammering that seemed to delight Myron to no end. We immediately hit it off with a different sort of chemistry, leaning into different sorts of nuances from each others’ lives. The way his eyes widened when he talked about the trip to Cape Town that he’d been saving and planning for for years; the fact that we’re both allergic to mangoes; the little pinch he would give to the bridge of his nose when he was trying to recall something from his past. I was smitten.

I had really sat here in my office and put together an entire playlist for the occasion yesterday and gone so far as to insist on playing it in the car. I looked over at his empty desk and chair across the room, still unoccupied. I squat in your office for six months, and then you buy me dinner, he had said. It’s almost like this is a date or something, I returned. The look on his face was priceless. As was the steadily thickening tension during the ride home. And the chivalrous peck on the cheek at my door. Of course I couldn’t let him leave.

I had long given up on getting any actual work done, instead focusing on taming the beast shoved into my too tight pants, my taint flexing periodically as I rocked on my medicinal ball chair, giving a strained, professional smile to Susan as she popped in to ask about the expense reports, trying to not make it obvious that I was lightly thrusting the air under my desk. All I could think about was the adorable, sweet man who no longer kept me company just a few feet away in my office but had kept me company just a few hours ago in my bed. All I could think about was how egregious a decision it was to continue on with our respective responsibilities and the separate trajectories of our lives, how lovely it would’ve been to call out sick and spend the morning pretzeled together under the covers, his breath tickling the space between my neck and clavicle, my hand periodically tracing figure eights along the warm topography of his back and then settling where it rightfully belonged on the curve of that ethereal bubble butt.

I mean…I guess I sort of do have a type. When it comes to my love life, I’m open to all kinds, and I’ve dated a number of different people, but as my friends love to point out, there’s one commonality across the board: some serious junk in the trunk. Everyone loves a nice ass, but I do tend to go big or go home. And in retrospect, in past relationships, the big went, well, bigger. The pattern’s been apparent for a while, but I didn’t really think anything of it. Everyone has their preferences, and mine just happens to be a pair of glutes that could stop traffic. If you had suggested that men’s asses were somehow magically inflating to disproportionate sizes due to my generous attention, I would have asked which kink site you’d pulled that from, but as I sat at my desk in a cold war with the python running down my leg that had gone from impressive to comical to ridiculous over the past several months, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe something mysterious really was afoot.

The evidence for Myron’s theory was mounting, and the implications of him being right were a heady mix of titillating and sobering that felt surreal to think through in the confines of my neat little office. As I reminisced on soaping up his bodacious buns in the shower and the unbridled thrill of watching them blow out the seat of his pants, my posture straightened slightly in excitement at the idea that this was due to some strange ability on my part. How many men had I fantasized about, imagining how much cuter they would be with some posterior augmentation? Just a little more heft here, some more roundness there. Most of the dudes in the office had some pretty nice butts–I guess we know why, I realized–but there was always room for improvement, wasn’t there?

Myron wasn’t the first romantic partner to have a sudden wardrobe malfunction after a night of fun. Honestly, I kind of get a kick out of the moment of catastrophic failure, seams splitting, cheeks spilling out and taking up space, but when does the fantasy of too muchness really become too much? And if we couldn’t figure out how to control whatever this is, how much longer until we’re both transformed beyond any ability to live a normal life? Or at least wear normal clothes? There had to be an upper limit, right?

My dick lurched in response, as if dreaming its own future as an impossible to hide third leg. It was already way too massive by any sensible standards, and after seeing Myron’s friend Ty, I wasn’t exactly looking forward to hefting a log around 24/7. The worsening curse in my crotch had complicated my love life, turning intimacy into a dance of negotiations, warnings, starts and stops, attempts and failures. Casual hookups had been out of the question for a while now, since even most size queens were far too concerned–and rightfully so–about their bodily wellbeing to entertain the thought of bottoming. For a while, it had been such a confidence boost seeing the looks of awe and hunger, like my dick was a challenge to be surmounted, but trepidation turned to absurd surprise and acute concern, and eventually visages of terror in the face of whatever radioactive mutation had produced the kaiju between my legs. I even had a few guys get word of what I was packing and get me undressed just to try and take pics of it, even hefting it like I was a sideshow at the circus. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing those circulating online, one or both hands trying–and failing–to cover the length of my member.

Needless to say, I had been so nervous about the Big Reveal last night, expecting Myron to outright refuse or simply come to his senses and realize I was some sort of anomaly that should not be counted. But he was so tender and took it like a champ. It’s like we just fit together.

I was jolted back to my office by the sharp buzz of my phone against my desk. Speak of the devil.

[Myron: Whatcha up to?]

[Me: Expense reports? Maybe?]

[Myron: Ah, yes, I was probably supposed to do those before I left. Send Susan my regards.]

[Me: She can and will hunt you down!]

[Myron: She can try 🤭. Also what was that you mentioned earlier? Hip thrusts?]

[Me: Lol are you at the gym?]

[Myron: Maybe! Ty just started working here, they’ve been sneaking me in past the counter. I’m building my leg day routine]

[Me: Please don’t make me imagine you with a glute pump, I’ve gotten nothing done here already]

[Myron: You don’t have to!]

An image appeared in the text thread. Myron taking a mirror pic standing in the squat rack, three plates on either side of the bar. I didn’t even know he lifted like that, I thought, my eyes dwelling on the contrast between his soft arms and the slight pudge of his belly with the ass that ballooned from his side profile in a pair of skimpy gym shorts that may as well have been painted on. It looked even more phenomenal than it had this morning, catching the late morning natural light and even a few stares from gym bros in the background.

[Myron: You would be a great trainer. Results guaranteed 🤪]

A moment of terror at the thought of the havoc I would wreak if my day job was moving through a sweaty, intimate gym space and helping people with squat form, but my dick stirred with enthusiasm at the idea, the dribble of precum threatening to become a faucet.

[Me: …I really liked these pants]

[Myron: RIP! Literally!]

Don’t even joke–I began typing before I heard the telltale sound of seams popping, my dick taking Myrons’ last text as a suggestion. Shit, I should’ve seen this coming. My semi lurched in my pants as it became more and more turgid, forcing me to reposition and hinge my hips back in my seat to ease the pressure against already strained fabric. I had to take care of this.

I could barely walk with the baseball bat running down my leg, let alone make it to the bathroom without risking an HR nightmare–Do they have workplace accommodations for people with inhumanly massive, constantly drooling monster cocks? They should. But I managed to waddle to the door, turn the lock, and firmly close the blinds before urgently whipping off the multiple layers of constrictive clothing that I threw on that morning in a futile attempt to restrain the beast.

My dick flicked precum into the air as it shot up, bobbing in front of me at a 90 degree angle and steadily rising into the air as my body diverted all resources to this erection. From the lightheadedness and the momentum of my cock throwing me off balance, I stumbled back, landing in Myron’s old chair. I took a moment to lean back and be caressed by the ergonomic design, noticing how it still kind of smelled like him, imagining his perspective from our days in the office together. I was interrupted by a sticky reminder of the task at hand, my dick bobbing in front of my face before coming to rest against my bottom lip. It’s all so perfectly arranged, I thought, as I indulged in what had become my favorite hobby, licking up the precum from the top of the head before letting my lips part around it, easing lower and lower as my head bobbed in little circles. The sensation is indescribable, and somehow feels so fresh every time, like I could sit there as a closed circuit of dick for eternity, never tiring of sucking myself off, getting sustenance from load after load of thick, gooey cum. My hands worked the shaft in tandem, though they weren’t enough to cover much surface area. I was mildly frustrated, left wanting for another pair to get me over the edge of orgasmic pleasure. I was growing to become too much for just one person, even if that person is me, but I worked diligently, the rest of the office completely oblivious to the monster dick autofellatio taking place during the late morning lull.

My dick began to buck along the shaft, pulsing with girth as my balls pulled up, churning in anticipation. I picked up the pace and breathed in deep, preparing for the eruption to come. I groaned as I began spurting thick ropes of jizz into my throat, swallowing as much as I could before giving up and letting my dick emerge from my exhausted lips with a wet pop, getting off several shots against the window behind me before slowly collapsing onto my left shoulder, drooling into the crook of my neck. I pulled out my phone, and with some difficulty due to cum soaked fingers, managed to open the text thread with Myron.

Look what you made me do, I typed, opening the camera and switching to front facing to snap a pic of my jizz covered face with my behemoth dick nestled next to it. As it was sending, I noticed a figure in the background hovering just over my shoulder, silhouetted by the morning sun.

I spun around in horror to see Wes. The maintenance guy whose email I definitely should’ve paid attention to that morning. Standing in the window washing scaffold, staring dumbfounded and unthinkingly trying to squeegee the cum oozing down the interior side. A crooked smile and an awkward wave, then splayed thumb and pinky on either side of his ear. Call me? he mouthed, 19 stories off the ground.

—

“Wes the window washer boyfriend!” sang Ty, nowhere near the right key.

Ty, Myron, and I were at the park, lounging in the afternoon sun, as I explained how my window washing encounter had somehow not resulted in catastrophe.

“We talked it out and reached an agreement of sorts,” I said, eyes rolling to the clouds. “No one needs to hear about my private activity or unique, uh, proportions, and if that private activity coincides with Wes’s window washing schedule, so be it. They can probably see this thing in the next building over anyways,” I groaned.

“So he likes to watch?” asked Ty, leaning back on their elbows with knees bent, their shorts doing nothing to hide the bulge of stretchy fabric emerging out of the bottom, not that they looked like they very much cared. Apparently Myron had gotten some underwear with specially made pouches for his friend, and I made a mental note to get some pairs of my own.

“And you like to be watched,” said Myron, a conspiratorial smile in my direction. His running shorts showed off his juicy thighs with a smattering of stretch marks greeting the Sun as he relaxed in my lap, a convenient arrangement for my own predicament to not be as visible as Ty’s. I hadn’t been brave enough to wear shorts since that fateful hike, but he convinced me they would look cute–and they did–but I was still coming around to the attention they brought.

“Yes and yes,” I sighed, giving a light squeeze to the pudge of Myron’s abdomen then letting my hand drift up to one of his juicy pecs. “You really have been hitting the gym,” I mused, giving him a peck on the cheek.

“An inspiration to us all,” added Ty, lazily waving a half finished joint in one hand as dramatic flourish. “A leader among leg day enthusiasts.”

“Not without some help,” added Myron with a smirk up towards me.

“Allegedly,” I fake scowled. “Anecdotally, even.”

“All I’m saying is Wes might wanna rethink your arrangement after going up a few pant sizes.”

I demurred, having convinced myself that the panes of glass may provide some sort of magical barrier. Still though, I would need to keep an eye on Wes’s assets through those thick work pants…

“Ah!” exclaimed Ty, glancing at Myron’s thick, round bubble, then at me. “So this is your doing.” They were connecting the dots.

“It’s a great workout routine,” I said. “Just with some added boosts.” I blushed. Myron smiled brightly up at me. I lost myself for a moment in his eyes.

“You two are really meant for each other,” said Ty with a chuckle, getting up to stroll to the bathroom. They kept trying (and failing) to casually tuck their prodigious bulge back above the hem of their shorts as they walked, succeeding only in drawing more attention to the pipe running across their thigh and out the bottom.

That’ll be me one day, I thought, with more than a little trepidation. Was I ready for that? My dick already looked ridiculous, but not yet as unwieldy as theirs. And that’s without the benefit of Ty’s lanky height. Actually, come to think of it…

“Ty,” I said to Myron.

“Mhmm.”

“They’re…um…”

“Taller,” he admitted, as if he’d been waiting for me to notice.

“Right. Ok.”

My stomach tightened as yet another fold of complexity formed in this already chaotic situation. I leaned in to Myron to wrap my arms around him, breathing him in and nuzzling into his shoulder. My shirt rode up. It felt a little tight.

#male tf #I love putting characters on public transit #I love a casual space of serendipitous interaction #DKGAM

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scheodingers-muppet · 1 year ago

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reputation (stranger things version) let’s go

…Ready For It? - jancy. the whole “i’ve known i wanted you since we first met” kinda vibe really fits them i think. “some boys are trying too hard, he don’t try at all though. younger than my ex’s but he acts like such a man” sorry steve. “knew i was a robber first time that he saw me. stealing hearts and running off” nancy is really the only character we see *multiple* people crushing on. steve and jonathan, of course, but also dustin, fred, arguably robin.

End Game - steddie. “you and me, we got big reputations” king steve and the freak, two sides of some big reputations. “i got some big enemies” being hated by the school and town and the literal upside down. “in rumors, i’m knee deep” “i’ve made mistakes…but something was born on the forth of july” steve’s huge character arch we see in season 3, over the summer.

I Did Something Bad - nancy. shes realms the only one i can see for this one. the confidence and bad-ass of it really only fits her

Don’t Blame Me - steve. why? because i said so. i fully believe he loves VERY deeply. why? because. i said so.

Delicate - steddie, from eddie’s pov. “my reputations never been worse so, you must like me for me” literal manhunt for him and steve’s making googoo eyes at him. “dark jeans and your nikes” is so steve coded. “i know that it’s delicate” not only is eddie wanted for murder, but also, steve’s reputation would be very delicate; even been friends with eddie could make him a target

Look What You Made Me Do: el. “the role you made me play of the fool” and being used in vecna’s plan. “i got smarter, i got harder in the nick of time” “i don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me” her trust has ben broken so many times and shes had to fight tooth and nail for the trust in her now “the old taylor can’t come to the phone right now. why? oh, because she’s dead” paralleled to el coming back at the end of season 2 completely changed

So It Goes… - jancy, from nancy’s pov. “we breakdown a little, but when you get me alone, it’s so simple” “you know i’m not a bad girl but, i’ll do bad things with you”

Gorgeous: ronance, from nancy’s pov. “i got a boyfriend, he’s older than us.” “you’re so cool, it makes me hate you so much.” and “i’m furious at you for making me feel this way” with how nancy didn’t like her at first. “ocean blue eyes, looking in mine” tldr; nancy’s gay awakening is robin

Getaway Car: jancy. “i wanted to leave him. i needed a reason” and “he poisoned the well, i was lying to myself” about steve. “we were flying but we never got far” and “think about the place where you first met me” with the relationship starting to crumble. “we were jet set bonnie and clyde until i switched to the other side” i like to imagine this as her going to robin but that’s just me.

King Of My Heart: steddieeeeee. okay listen. i love when fics make references to king steve and steve likes the name. i adore royal imagery with them. “we rule the kingdom inside my room” “king of my heart, body and soul” i LOVEEE eddie calling him king steve again, but as like, “you’re the king of my heart” “you’re love is a secret im hoping, dreaming to keep”

Dancing With Our Hands Tied: byler. “i loved you in secret…how were you to know?” “deep blue but you painted me golden” when blue meets yellow in the west. “i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us” i think mike might be starting to realize his feelings for will while he’s gone, loving him even though he’s scared the distance will hurt them. “dancing like it was the first time”

Dress: ronance. why? idk it just fits. nancy and robin get close, become friends and nancy realizes her feelings for her. i can also see elmax if you remove the sexual elements of the song.

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: steve to tommy and carol. “it was so nice throwing big parties” “it was so nice being friends again…but you stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand” tommy leaving him for billy. i just need to see steve lose his shit, honestly.

Call It What You Want: steddie. idk what you want from me, its so steve talking about eddie before they’re official. “my castle crumbled over night…they took the crown but it’s alright” losing “king” title. “nobody’s heard from me in months” falling down the social rankings and living a more “quiet” life (ie no parties and such) “my baby’s fly like a jet stream high above the whole scene” both eddie looking down on social hierarchy and also eddie perched on his chair during campaigns, being literally above the whole scene. “all the jokers dressing up as kings” billy taking his role. “you don’t need to save me, but would you run away with me?” steve maybe talking to eddie about how he can “pay him back” for saving his life or something cute like that.

New Year’s Day: stobin. this song has always kinda been platonic to me. but it’s so them. the devotion of always being there, no matter what or why. “please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh i would recognize anywhere” I MEANNNNN

#stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #mike wheeler #steddie #el hopper #taylor swift #reputation #rep #almost got all the albums now #just gotta do lover

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melanieph321 · 10 months ago

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heyy i love your writing and just wanted to say i appreciate your work💖

my request is something like you are best friends with fermin (or gavi) and he’s madly in love with you but you don’t know about it so when you start seeing someone (possibly another footballer) he gets jealous and does something outrageous like posts a story with a photo of yours which is odd considering he’s never done it before and the person you’re seeing gets mad and you also get mad because it’s obvious he’s doing it for another reason and have an argument with him when he confesses his true feelings in a moment of weakness which causes you to take a step back but you soon realize you’re actually more into him than you knew and go to him late at night and make out

i don’t know if this is something you’d be interested in but i’d love to read it

SEVEN DAYS OF REQUEST (DAY 2)

Ugh, I hate you for making such a good request. Took me all day to finish this. And I had to make it a four part series since I put my own spin on it. Hope that's okay.

Fermin Lopez x Reader - You or Me Part 1/4

Part 2 part 3 part 4

Enjoy!

It was just a silly youth camp for all the Barca Academy's boys and girls. How it turned out so ugly, you had no idea.

It was a Friday morning when all of the players were put on a bus to a Boot Camp four hours outside of Barcelona. You were thankful that the academy boys did not share the same bus as the girls, but trailed in their own vehicle not too far behind. However it was bound to get messy at the camp grounds since the girls and boys were sharing the same hotel.

"Who are you texting?" Camilla asked.

"No one." You muttered, but nudged your phone out of her view.

"Come on, don't be shy, tell me who you're texting."

You perked up, peering over your seat to make sure that none of the other players could hear you. "Okay but promise not to tell anyone."

"I promise." She grinned, giddy with excitement.

"Alejandro Garnacho."

"What! You little…"

"Shhhhh!" You exclaimed, slapping your hand against Camilla's mouth. However,

that did not stop her from running her mouth behind the palm of your hand.

"Huh?" You frowned, her mumbles inaudible. You removed your hand.

"I said, doesn't he have a girlfriend now?"

"And a baby." You nodded.

Camila gasped. "You slut!"

"Relax." You said, leaning back in your seat. "We're just friends and you know that. We've been friends forever."

"Yes, but before that you had the biggest crush on him, no?"

"Yes, but that's in the past. He's happy in England with his new family. I told you about last summer, didn't I? Garnacho and his girlfriend let me stay with them while I was over there trying out for Manchester United's U21 youth team. Garnacho and I have become really close since then. Close friends." You added, before Camilla could call you a slut again.

The two of you sat back in silence. The road ahead was bumpy and almost made you car sick. Good thing you and Camilla were seated up front where you could see the road. You dreaded sitting in the back, since some of the girls thought it would be funny to make faces at the boys bus trailing behind you. They were having a laugh, however you found it very annoying.

"Did you hear that Fermin and Gavi are joining us on Saturday?" Camilla said.

"Hurray….." You mumbled and kept scrolling through your phone.

"I know." She snorted. "They've gotten pretty stuck up since they started playing for the first team, but I've heard that they're holding a seminar on mental health. It could be fun?"

"Mental health?" You put down your phone to glance at Camilla. Her lips twitched into a smile seeing your not-so-convinced expression. "I know Fermin Lopez of all people is not holding a seminar on mental health." you laughed. "That boy has caused me nothing but severe anxiety and depression and now he wants to talk about mental health? I guess pigs do fly."

"I dunno." Camilla shrugged. "Don't you think he has matured since he started playing for the first team? I know Gavi has."

"Please, don't get me started on Pablo Gavi." You sighed. "Fermin and Gavi were the worst of the worst when they were playing for the academy. Don't you remember Boot Camp 2019?"

Camilla chuckled. "Whatever you say. I for one am excited."

And she had the right to be. No one enjoyed drama more than Camilla. This year's Boot Camp had nothing but drama.

Part 2

Part 3

part 4

#fanfiction #football imagine #footballer imagine #footballer x reader #football angst #seven days of requests #fermin lopez #fc barcelona #pablo gavi

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sso-montana · 7 months ago

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Some Highschool Montana AU let's go (called Legacy AU or L!*rest of words* for short}

Her and Justin went to the same highschool as the soul riders (and like half the other npcs) in jarleheim

Since L!Montana never moved away from Jorvik or had to semi regularly change schools she was actually able to make some friends. Not much, since she's naturally more of a loner, but there are like 2 or 3

Those friends consist of Justin, Maya and Loretta

Loretta still developed a crush on Justin but not nearly as huge as in the og timeline, this is because literally everyone and their mothers but them could see that dewblossom had a crush on each other since their were 12

There was a period of time where L!Montana was scared that Justin would replace or forget her, since he was more popular than her and, unlike her, didn't struggle with making new friends during their teenage years. Justin was so confused by this because Montana was not just a school friend but his best friend and didn't even realize that she was feeling that way until she noticeably spend less time with him and they had an argument abt it

What lead to the argument was him realizing Montana had spend less and less time with him the past few months and was hanging out with another guy instead. This was also what made Justin realize that he actually had a crush on her because in all his life he had never hated someone so much as that guy and he hadn't even met the poor boy in person. They were abt 16 there

Montana didn't realize how she felt until years later when Justin went with Sabine to the Oil Rig and felt so betrayed and hurt that he'd leave despite her protests

Funfact in this AU Montana, and the others succeeded in rescuing Justin the first time because Katjas mind control wasn't enough to surpress years of friendship and not talked abt crush feelings

In the AU Montana was actually the one who suggested maya start working at moorland stables

Having friends during her teenager years also means she never developed such a big fear of losing people or being afraid of getting close to them to begin with

Moving on to magic stuff, where main Montana is already strong L!Montana is on an whole other level. Discovering her powers earlier meant she had a lot more time to train and develop her skills than main Montana and girl used that time well. If L!Montana and main Montana would fight against each other, same age and no magic corruption, L!Montana would win by a mile

She didn't started doing martial arts until after finding out abt her feelings but her magic control is much better

L!Montana never got a motorcycle license since horses are can get you almost everywhere in Jorvik (she still has a car license to be able to go to Jorvik City easier)

#ssoblr #sso #sso oc #montana opalheart #Legacy!AU #star stable online #star stable tumblr #kali talks lore #might add onto this post if I think of more #you're also welcome to ask specific questions!#or ideas #anything

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inukagome15 · 1 year ago

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Spoilers ahoy for Season 2!

Season 2 was soft and gentle and romantic. It was so soft and gentle and romantic. Not just between Crowley and Aziraphale but everyone.

I didn’t know what to expect going into this season but knew what I was hoping for. Neil had already made it clear that this was a love story, but I didn’t know what to really expect from that. Hand holding? Continuing the gentle, subtextual relationship that already existed on screen?

So when I started watching, it was a delight to see what the season held. It was a delight to see just how explicitly queer this season was. Not only with the surrounding cast but our main characters! How everyone called it out and how it was never once denied by Aziraphale (only by Crowley, and let’s get into that later). It was so queer that I could barely believe it. They were pushing it so much further than the subtle hints from Season 1, which were much like other shows where characters had been presumed to be in relationships but would deny it.

When this season continued pushing and pushing, I was delighted. To see the absolute 180 in the relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley. To see how Aziraphale was so much more open and unreserved in his affections towards Crowley. He was no longer scared about claiming their relationship for what it was. It’s our car and our bookshop and he has no reservations about asking Crowley for help. On the other hand, it’s Crowley who’s more reserved of the two now, who’s still worried about pushing because of their 6,000 years of history. Who outright denies the relationship when it’s called out, even though it was never denied by Aziraphale after 1941 until the Armageddon and even then it was only to Crowley, never to anyone else who assumed the relationship was romantic. And Aziraphale, regardless of how blatantly obvious his love is for us to see, is too quiet for Crowley to fully understand.

The heart eyes on Aziraphale were evident throughout the season. Evident in how he would tease Crowley and draw him in. Michael Sheen so brilliantly captured the joy of realizing one’s first crush and spending time with them. Aziraphale’s giddiness during the entire night with Crowley in the London Blitz; the happy, broad smiles and how he couldn’t seem to stop praising Crowley. It was so blatantly obvious then, and now it’s so blatantly obvious in the present day.

I never actually expected the Gabriel and Beezlebub pairing. But it’s a mirror for Crowley and Aziraphale and for them to see that it is possible for them. And Crowley went for it. He went for it, and they ended up talking past each other.

I never expected Neil to make the subtext actual text and give it to us like that. 4 years of him making it clear it’s a love story but never saying or revealing more. I thought, due to how it wasn’t just his characters but also Terry Pratchett’s, that it would remain subtext. But it hasn’t. It won’t.

The cat is out of the bag, and we’re going to see exactly where it will take us in Season 3. I can’t wait.

#good omens #good omens season two #spoilers #i am still so curious about the minisodes #what was the mystery they had to find in the past?#something's still missing

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tea-stained-notes · 26 days ago

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Steve Rogers x OFC - Waiting On a Miracle, Chapter 9

After catching an infamous serial killer in the act, Julie Castillo is in line for the witness protection program. She is sent to a temporary safe house with U.S. Marshal Steve Rogers to protect her. Both of them scarred by trauma and tragedy, they find solace in each other. But how far will they dare to go?

Oh my lord, this chapter has been almost THREE years in the making - just like everyone else I was obsessed with Encanto at the time, hence the title of this fic and the song choice for the pivotal scene lol I cannot believe it's taken me this long to get to this point, but life has been crazy these past few years. However, the final chapter is also done and will be posted right after this 👍

Series warnings: violence, death, angst, trauma, smut

Chapter warnings: anxiety, trauma

Chapter word count: ~1900

Song(s) referenced: Fairytale of New York (The Pogues), Meet Me Inside (Hamilton) Waiting On a Miracle (Encanto)

“Jules? Fuck, you’re back! Finally!” Finn scooped me up and swung me around, forcing a squeal and laughter from my tear-burned throat. It was heaven to see him after a horrid night of turning Steve’s every word over in my head until they cut into my skull. “Jesus, you’re suffocating me.” “Yeah, well, you deserve capital punishment after weeks without a single peep from you.” He released me from the tight embrace and took a step back to inspect me. “Love the hair. How is your dad? Did you really not have any reception up there?” “Not quite,” I chuckled dryly. “Let’s find Sam and I’ll catch you both up.” After a lengthy explanation that mentioned Steve as little as possible I sleep-walked through my first day back at work. Outside of Finn and Samira everyone still believed the story about my dad’s stroke and I decided to keep it that way. Emerson welcomed me home with pizza and some action flick that thankfully had no romantic subplot. Not that it mattered when Steve was on my mind from the second I woke up. The burning in the pit of my stomach, which had been a constant companion since my mom’s death, was fiercer than ever. And when I realized that I did not have a single photo of him, no piece of handwriting, no physical proof that he had ever even existed, a small collection of ice shards buried into my heart, pricking sharply whenever the tiniest thought of him crossed my mind.

But it wasn’t just the memory of Steve that tortured me. However hard I tried finding my old rhythm, day after day passed me by in a blur. Something significant had changed inside of me. Confronting my past, my frustrations, my unfulfilled longings had finally made me realize: This life I had created for myself was no longer enough. It never had been. I found myself zoning out during rehearsal, scrolling through open casting calls, watching old recordings of me on stage. And when they started playing holiday songs in the stores, I was stopped dead in my tracks by Fairytale of New York. All I could do was stand there, in the middle of the aisle, silently weeping at the lines “They've got cars big as bars, they've got rivers of gold, but the wind goes right through you, it's no place for the old. When you first took my hand on a cold Christmas Eve, you promised me Broadway was waiting for me.” I cried over my mom, over believing her that this was the place where both our dreams could thrive, over all the wasted years. The future ones she had been so violently denied and the past ones that had crushed me with the weight of her legacy. I wanted Steve to hold my hand and tell me I would be okay. I hated myself for still thinking of him.

“You’re different.” Finn said it matter-of-factly one night when we sat backstage after the show, chewing on left-over cake from a cast member’s birthday. “Yeah.” “Are you still recovering from the witness protection thing? You know I can refer you to my therapist if—“ “It’s not that. I’ve been seeing a police psychologist and my nightmares have gotten a lot better.” “Good. That’s good.” He picked at his cake, trying to find the right words. “Did something… happen? At that safe house?” Sharp pain flashed through my heart and stomach simultaneously. I set my plate aside and took a deep breath. “Steve and I, we—“ I stopped myself. I wished more than anything I could tell him. Could tell anyone about this heartbreak that was eating me alive. “We talked a lot. I told him about my mom. About choking at auditions. And it made me see that… that…” “That you still want to be on stage.” I looked at him with a tearful half-smile. He had always understood. “Why aren’t you?”, he whispered. “Because I tried. I really tried and… I just don’t know how I can make this happen. I want to, I want it more than anything but just the idea of being in one of those waiting rooms again…” Finn put his half-eaten cake down and pulled me into his side. I sighed, dropping my head on his shoulder. “Maybe I could start small,” I mumbled. “Try to get into a community theater. Work a different job and just leave Broadway behind for a while.” “That could work. Whatever you think will get you closer to your dream, honey.” “I’ll think about it.” “Just don’t get stuck in that. You’ve been overthinking for way too long.” I poked him in the ribs. “Thank god I got you to hold me accountable.” “You know I’m the Laurens to your Ham. The Glinda to your Elphaba. The—“ “Yeah, yeah, we get the picture.” I pulled him up to his feet with a grin. “Go home. That’s an order from your commander.” “Stop, you know that scene breaks me every single time.” He stretched his back with a groan. “You not coming?” “I’ve got a couple of things to check before tomorrow’s rehearsal.” “I don’t mind waiting.” “I know. But I have to learn to walk home by myself again. Can’t be scared forever.” “If you’re sure.” Finn enveloped me in a hug. “Text me when you’re at the apartment.”

When I closed the door to the practice room behind me the piano called to me immediately, even more strongly than the one at the cabin. I listened carefully for a moment. At this hour most people had left the building and the cleaning crew had already been in this room. So I let myself be pulled over to the instrument. When I settled into the seat, a song instantly bubbled up in my throat. I had never played it before, so I let my fingers wander through chords for a bit until I felt I had it right. “Don't be upset or mad at all. Don't feel regret, or sad at all. Hey, I'm still a part of the family Madrigal. And I'm fine, I am totally fine. I will stand on the side as you shine.” I paused as an entire decade of hurt, attempts at contentment, and thinly-veiled envy coursed through me. “I'm not fine, I'm not fine. I can't move the mountains, I can't make the flowers bloom, I can't take another night up in my room, waiting on a miracle. I can't heal what's broken, can't control the morning rain or a hurricane, can't keep down the unspoken invisible pain, always waiting on a miracle, a miracle.” All these years of running off of stages in shame, waiting in the wings, watching others live my perfect life, burned in my veins. My voice grew steadier, more passionate with every note. “Always walking alone, always wanting for more. Like I'm still at that door, longing to shine like all of you shine. All I need is a change, all I need is a chance. All I know is I can't stay on the side. Open your eyes, open your eyes, open your eyes.” I felt tears welling up again, desperately tired of them after weeks of tossing and turning through the nights, of missing Steve, of hating Steve, of missing the theater, of hating the theater. I couldn’t do this anymore. Being caught in this limbo of wishing and wanting and never getting anywhere. “I would move the mountains, make new trees and flowers grow. Someone please just let me know: Where do I go? I am waiting on a miracle, a miracle. I would heal what's broken, show this family something new, who I am inside, so what can I do? I'm sick of waiting on a miracle, so here I go.” My fingers hammered into the keys with painful determination. “I am ready! Come on, I'm ready! I've been patient and steadfast and steady. Bless me now as you blessed us all those years ago when you gave us a miracle.” Images of my mother and me flashed in front of my eyes. She had believed in me, had seen a potential in me that had once paved her own path. How could I have failed her like this, failed myself? How could I have ever given up on the one dream that mattered? “Am I too late for a miracle?” The final note echoed through the empty room and my racing heart. Then a voice rang out. “You certainly aren’t.” I froze.

“Julie? What on earth…” Hot and cold shivers ran down my back when I slowly turned around. Samira was standing in the doorway, staring at me in shock. The middle-aged woman next to her seemed vaguely familiar. She raised her hand into a casual wave. “Hi, I’m Cass.” The penny finally dropped. “As in Cassandra White?” I croaked. “You’re directing the Heights revival, right?” “That’s me.” “She’s an old friend,” Samira said. “But Julie Maria Castillo, how the hell did I not know you could sing like this?” Heat flushed my face. “Because I haven’t in a long while.” “Wait, are you—“ Cassandra furrowed her brows. “Are you Fernanda Castillo’s daughter?” I nodded tentatively. “Oh, I loved your mom! And I knew you seemed familiar. I saw you in a high school production once. She had been bragging so much about you that I had to come see for myself. Little Shop. You were an incredible Audrey.” She chuckled. “I was only starting out in the business myself, otherwise I would have cast you for something right off that stage.” All I could do was gape at her. “So what happened to you? I don’t remember seeing you in anything after that. And Sam mentioned you’re her assistant?” “Yeah, I… I haven’t performed in years. I had a really hard time after my mom passed and… Ever since I just can’t seem to get back into it.” “Well, from the sound of that song you want to though, right?” “More than anything.” The words fell from my mouth before I could stop them. Cassandra smiled widely. “I’m afraid we’ve already cast our leads. But I can offer you the next best thing: We still need an understudy for Nina. And I think I just found her.”

The following days were a rush. An equally excited Finn was kind enough to accompany me to meetings, coach me through panic attacks, and dance around with me in utter exhilaration when I got Yes after Yes from everyone involved in the production. Rehearsals would start in February. My life would finally restart in February. I was no longer clenching my jaw with the insane effort of pushing down everything I had ever wanted to be. Anxiety still got the better of me on most days but I accepted it as growing pains, as something that would keep me on my toes but no longer keep me from returning to the thing I loved most. The one thing that could distract me from losing the other great love that hadn’t been meant to be.

Emerson had just left to spend Thanksgiving with her girlfriend’s family and I was busy making myself a cup of tea before diving back into my copy of In the Heights: Finding Home when the doorbell rang. I sighed as I made my way to the hallway. “Seriously, Em, will you ever not come back for your keys?” I ripped the door open and felt all the air leave my lungs. “Hi Julie.” Steve.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

CHAPTER 10

MASTERLIST

Tag List: @multifanworld @peguem-o-pombo-agora @cvanstagram @yslvtre @wandasrogers @littleredone88 @before-we-get-started @sophham @missaprilt23 @chrissusmissus @dvmb-whxre @daddydraco0 @quicksilversthings @thechoosenonecreator @rosellia-hudsons @lokirogersgirl @nekoannie-chan @readawaythereality2 @yal1d @hyperfixationhovel

#steve rogers #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers smut #soft steve rogers #broadway #musical theatre #musical theater

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allgonejeon · 1 year ago

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All the messages I never sent you from my notes (pt1)

To Age. From when we first broke up (Feb 21, 2023), I wrote to you on my notes so I had an outlet. I sent a few to you, but here’s the whole list…

2/23 2:03am

I’ve been trying to forget you but Australian tiktoks keep showing up on my fyp and I never used to get them before. I keep pressing “not interested” but they keep popping. I blame u 😤

2/23 12:36pm

The more I think about it, the more I realize you never respected me or my feelings. Not to the fullest at least. You’d bring up your ex without regard of my feelings and tell me that it was different with her because you were able to touch her. You treated the situation like 🤷🏻‍♂️ and didn’t apologize through phone, only text.

2/23 2:11pm

Wonderwall played from one of my playlists. I was going to skip it, but i put it on repeat. I know you don’t miss me at all, but damn do I miss you. And I really hate it.

2/23 11:43pm

Some dude I met at A’s last week just slid in my DMs just now and I just liked his message lol. Like, no. Also, one of the guys that girl brought to the party DMd me too. He invited me to dinner with some friends and I said yes. He’s super sweet and hes pretty cool, but the the thing is that I don’t feel anything when I would usually feel excited. It’s like no matter what dude comes to me, I don’t have the heart to try with anyone. And there have been a few. I’m assuming that’s how you’re feeling right now, but not about me. I know it’s only been a day, but man do I miss you. While you’re missing someone else, I’m here missing you like crazy and I hate it. I genuinely don’t think you miss me though. Not one bit. But I do. I miss you texting me about your day, I miss you calling me cute or cactus or chihuahua or princess or you calling me by my full name. I miss you sending me random tiktoks and random pictures of what you’re doing. I miss you being there when I’m having panic attacks. I miss your voice, I miss you ranting about the most random things. I miss when you tell me about chubs or how unbearable work was. I miss being there for you. And I miss having someone to talk to at night before I go to sleep. It became a habit I loved.

I saw this one tiktok where it said “while he’s chasing someone else and you’re chasing after him, who’s chasing after you?”. I think the objective was to instill some feeling of being pathetic, and it kinda hit.

I feel pathetic for still wanting things to work out and hoping we both change and be good for each other in the future. But I’m terrified that you don’t want that, and I’m currently preparing myself for that. Because I’m sure that is surely the case.

2/24 2:50am

I can’t sleep and I miss you so much. But I really don’t think you miss me. And that kinda makes me sad.

2/24 10:34am

We’re driving past a street named “cactus”. It reminded me of you.

2/24 1:45pm

I’m seeing couples everywhere. They’re drinking mimosas next to each other or drinking coffee and laughing. And all I can think about how it must’ve been you with her. I’m sitting at a table next to a couple, his arm over her shoulder. I keep torturing myself and thinking if you’ve ever done that with her. And how you miss it.

2/25 2:47pm

It finally caught up to me. It’s so painful having to hold it all on when you’re in the back seat of the car and having to swallow hard so no one finds out you’re falling apart right behind them. My tears are running, I’m holding my breath, my nose is stuffy and I want to sob but I can’t right now.

2/25 5:18pm

I just realized I’ve had my phone on dnd since last we spoke.

2/25 5:38pm

You were never here but I’ve made so many memories of you here. All the places I’ve been to that I’ve talked to you in. It’s insane how that kinda works. Trader Joe’s. I was there picking flowers and stopped in front of the roses to text you for five minutes straight one time.

2/26 3:28am

You just posted a note that said “ever wonder if your crush actually likes you?” and that stung me so hard because I know it’s not me you’re talking about. Call me sensitive but I just literally cannot believe how you move on so fast. You said there was no one else.

2/28 5:13pm

A week has passed today. I only realized because I’m back at Barnes and noble to do the study with Eve. It’s not the same location though. I teared up at the thought of going back there– to the same Barnes. I knew I’d have to walk through the same side of the marketplace, the same doors, the same environment, the same empty music area in the back of the store I hid to talk to you. The same one where I anticipated this would end. And i don’t think I can do that. Ive been thinking a lot about the situation. At first I wanted to think that you didn’t want me to leave, but now I’m starting to believe that you probably didn’t care I did. I’m afraid you don’t miss me. I wonder if your personal trainer mentions me still or if you even told him you “broke up” with me so that he wouldn’t mention me at all. I wonder if you think of me when you see Chubbs. I wonder if you think of me when you hear “America”. I wonder if you miss calling me still or texting me or just having me around. I wonder if you regret ever giving up on me. I think that, although it pains me, it’s best to believe that you won’t come back and that you’re moving on as we speak. And to tell you the truth, I feel pathetic that I still miss you and that my heart still clings to you. And I absolutely tear myself to shreds that I let the most sheltered part of me grow attached to you in such little time and in such a way that I can’t seem to move on for the time being; my heart.

3/2 2:48pm

I’m dog sitting again at the same house we FaceTimed for the first time. I was dreading coming, honestly. I’m in the family room where I was calling you and laughing with you. I was in the kitchen where the sink is; the same place I set my phone down while I was doing dishes and you working on school. You complimented my purple rain shirt and we talked about how awful trump was lol. I went into the wing of the house where you spoke to Sarah for the first time and helped her with her test. Damn I miss you still. But I’m okay. Hope you’re okay too with what you’re dealing with right now.

I went to First Friday with my friends tonight. It sucks that I still wish you were here in person. I spoke to P about you yesterday (3/2) and she was sad. Today I told her that I’m trying to convince myself that you don’t care and she used the sternest voice, saying “you can’t really think that, right? There is no way that boy does not care about you. Why else would he have stayed so long and blah blah blah…” and idk. Although I’m trying to convince myself of the worse, it kinda makes me feel good she said that. Man I miss you so much.

Also, I posted some stuff on my close friends and public story. I know it’s stupid and weird but I kinda wonder what you thought of them. If you felt anything at all or if you just didn’t care at all.

3/4 6:32pm

I took my time to unfollow all the boys I don’t know. Those random boys who followed or whom I’ve followed. I’ve been meaning to do it for a while but I finally got around to doing it. There’s a number of reasons, I guess. None of them mean anything to me. I only kept the guys I know personally. I unfollowed everyone else. I still have yet to unfollow some girls but I know I’ll get around to it. I think the only boy I kept that I don’t have any other mutuals with (except for Sarah) is you. I think my hopes of being with you again are slim to none, but I think my heart still clings to you. And I can’t seem to unhinge it.

Also, I read back our messages for the first time and man. The feelings all came back. It felt as if you never left. And it hurts me a bit.

4/9 1:49am

I was at a party tonight, I didn’t know most of them, just a few. But as I was wondering my eyes around, I noticed a familiar guy staring at me. He even made his way to me while I was asking for a cocktail. I admit, he’s cute. He’s tall and he seems super sweet. He asked for my number before I left and I was kinda excited about it. I left early to go to dinner with friends then had a midnight trip to an ice cream place in downtown. The girls hyped me up and I pulled one of my friends to the side and told her I felt kinda guilty. But what she said was right. You’re stuck on another girl and you’re probably talking to other girls too. There was no point on waiting for you when you made it clear you were still stuck on someone else and won’t come back. But to be completely honest, I feel like I was forcing myself to be happy and excited. He texted me that same night as I was paying for my ice cream and we made plans to get together the next week. And I think the only reason I felt the way that I did was because I was making plans with someone that wasn’t you. Sure, I had a dude texting me, but it wasn’t the person I wanted it to be. But at this point I have to accept the way things are right now. I miss you still, but man do I still feel so pathetic for wanting you after I know you don’t want me. After everything you told me. After explicitly telling me how much you loved your coworker and how you missed kissing her and holding her. It stings. But maybe this is what I need to just forget it. I doubt you care though.

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