#also gia is really fucking sad just watched it but I liked it a lot

[paperglader]

Gia (1998)// Lycoris Recoil (2022)

[mithliya]

anyways what other lesbian media do you like/rec besides the yuri? any good books, tv, etc?

omg blue is the warmest colour the graphic novel is AMAZINGGGGG i read it when i was first coming out and i bawled omg.

the book the color purple is amazing but it’s very sad & triggering. but if you’re a lesbian who can handle reading books with themes of rape & SA.. i’d recommend reading this book bc just wow. ahead of it’s time & it still continues to be unique decades later.

movies, honestly i also liked the blue is the warmest colour movie but the sex scenes caught me off-guard and go on for a very long time 😭 the male director fucked it up by being a creep bc the movie itself is nice tho the ending is v sad (novel ending is better imo). but i’m a cheerleader is a classic. the handmaiden was amazing. i LOVE i care a lot and how it represents lesbians in a diff way (like the romance isnt the central aspect of it & theyre not lesbians first & foremost. they’re complex women who happen to be lesbians). gia is amazing & based on a true story. badhaai do is a cutsey funny bollywood film about a lavender marriage & depicts lesbians decently too.

my fave media to consume is tv series so! i have a lot of those. the l word is ofc a classic. cheesy & unrealistic & downright ridiculous at many points but it’s memorable and sticks with u. the 100 was hated on for how they dealt with lesbian representation but honestly i liked it overall, just don’t expect a happy ending rly. atypical is cute but there are 0 lesbians just bi women. i loved ratched!!!!! and also the 7 lives of lea. orphan black. the haunting of bly manor. GENTLEMAN JACK OFC!!!! wentworth is amazing. killing eve too. jane the virgin is very cute and the lesbians in it are so dramatic it’s funny. skins is a classic. locked up is also good but major tw, it’s filled with rape and abuse in such an extreme way that i really struggled to watch it. but an actual lesbian plays a lesbian character and she’s amazing

i recommend to not waste ur time on the film “room in rome”. i see it a lot on lesbian film lists and it’s one of the worst ever. they’re literally in a room just talking the whole time and it’s weird bc it’s this hetero woman with a boyfriend and lesbian with a girlfriend and it just gets weird. and they say weird shit about some saudi guy but it’s like weird bc his name translates to donkeys in arabic. it’s just bad. that’s my anti-recommendation. it’s a bad bad movie. the het woman even pressures the lesbian into penetrating her with a glass bottle bc “i’m straight i love penetration”

[your-eternal-muse]

I Watch Your Eyes

Heather Series Part Three

Part One  Part Two

Summery: Reader isn’t one for parties. What happens at one solidifies that for her.

Words: 1.7k (they’re getting longer folks, just you wait)

Warnings: Drinking, mentions of vomiting, description of breakdown, swearing, ANGST

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Heather, Spencer Reid x eventual Female!Reader, Platonic!JJ x Platonic!Reader

A/N: Y’all......it hurt to write this. I broke my own damn heart, which hopefully means it’s good. Also, Heather needs a last name and I just can’t bring it in me to think of one. Suggestions? Anyway, Tag List is open! Enjoy this painful chapter!

I’ve never been one for parties.

Small get-togethers at Rossi’s with the team, that’s different.

That’s family.

But wearing a cocktail dress and being around people I didn’t even know worked in the department? Sucks ass.

So, why am I here again?

Oh yeah.

I have to be here. Hotch’s orders.

I have to smile and exchange pleasantries and sip more champagne than I’d like to admit to.

But mostly, because Spencer asked me to be,

“Please? I just really want you there. I’m planning something, and I’d really like my best friend there.”

I have no backbone.

 I caved as soon as he said please.

I don’t know what he’s planning. I don’t even know what he's thinking half the time.

I used to know him like the back of my hand.

No, I don’t think I even know myself.

But here I stand, around a table, sipping on champagne, not really listening to the conversation the girls are having around me, wishing I was anywhere else but in this banquet hall, watching him twirl her around in her pretty pink dress.

“Y/nnnn…” A sing-song voice hits my ears and a hand waves in front of my face.

I blink, coming back to the present. “Yeah? What were we talking about?”

JJ laughs. “Where are you tonight? You’ve been staring off into space for the past 15 minutes.”

I scoff, shifting my weight on my feet. 

Stupid, fucking heels.

“No, I haven’t. I’ve just been….admiring Heather's dress.”

All their eyes turn to look, and they hum in agreement.

A beautiful rose gown adorns her body, flaring at the waist, flowing around her as she spins.

I’m sure Spencer is the one who bought it for her.

She was the center of attention tonight, though I’m sure she’s used to it at this point in her life.

“She’s gorgeous.” Emily says, swaying her head slightly to the music.

I’m sure she’s fully aware of that, Emily.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy.” Penelope smiles, gazing happily at them. 

JJ glances at me, a soft look in her eyes.

I can’t help but agree.

He’s glowing.

His eyes are brighter than I’ve ever seen them.

I don’t think he’s stopped smiling since he met her.

You’d never make him that happy.

I down the rest of my champagne.

“Well, watching them dance makes me want to, so I’m off to search for my knight in shining armour. I’ll see you all later, my loves.” Penelope blows a kiss, before she leaves in search of Derek, and I watch as the song ends, and they exchange a kiss before Heather walks back over to her table, and he makes his way towards us.

“I didn’t take you as someone who danced, Spence.” Emily questions, taking a drink from her own glass.

He laughs, adjusting his tie and running a hand through his hair. “She convinced me.” He wipes his palms on his pants.

“You okay there Spencer? You seem nervous.” JJ speaks with a chuckle in her voice. 

If only I could be so light hearted.

“I will be.” He turns, smiling at me. “Thanks for coming tonight. It means a lot to me that you’re here.”

I reach up and straighten his tie, smoothing down his jacket, smiling up at him genuinely for the first time in what feels like years.

Huh.

I guess it has been a little over a year since I met Heather.

“Anything for you Spence.”

“I missed that smile.”

You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?

I can’t help the blush that spreads across my cheeks. I don’t know how to respond to that, so I simply don’t say anything. 

He doesn’t seem to notice.

He takes a deep breath. “Wish me luck.”

I roll my eyes, and chuckle. “Good luck with whatever it is you’re planning.”

“It’s a surprise. For everyone.”

I see him swallow and take a final deep breath before he walks away, back towards his table where Heather stands, charming the people around her.

The wheels begin to turn in my head.

“What do you think he’s on about?” Emily asks, laughter lacing her words.

I watch as he stands next to her, grabbing her hands to hold them within his own.

“Who knows what goes on inside his head nowadays.” 

I can feel JJ staring at me, but I can’t take my eyes off the scene playing out in front of me.

They exchange a few words, and then he’s on his knee,holding out something for her.

Her hands cover her mouth.

No...

“Oh my god.” 

Emily and JJ follow my line of sight and I can hear happy gasps as Heather exclaims “Yes! Yes I will marry you!” for the world to hear.

The hall erupts into cheers and applause and I. Can’t. Breath.

“Y/n? Are you okay? You look like you’re about to be sick.” JJ’s voice is soft, and motherly.

I wish someone would scream at me.

“I’m fine. Just too much champagne. I’ll be right back, promise.”

The words don’t even register before I’m walking away from the happy moment.

Their happy moment.

I barely make it out of the hall before I burst into tears, a hand clasps over my mouth to keep the sobs and bile back.

I run down the hallway, slamming into the bathroom, rushing into a stall where I promptly empty my stomach of tonight.

This is it. There’s no chance anymore You missed it. And now you have to live with the fact that he will never love you like her loves her. It’s your fault you feel this way, and no one else's. Your fault.

I reach up and flush, falling to sit on the floor and lean against the wall of the stall.

I hold my arm over my mouth, trying to swallow down the sobs that threaten to echo throughout the building.

The door opens, and heels click to stand in front of my stall.

“Y/N?”

It’s JJ.

Her voice is laced with concern.

I try to take a deep, quiet breath, but it comes out shuddery.

Fake it ‘till you make it, right?

“I’ll be right out, JJ, just needed a minute. Go join the celebration.” My voice cracks at the end and I want to hit myself.

She’s quiet for a moment.

“I know, y/n. Please open the door.”

God fucking damnit.

I sniffle, reaching up to slide the latch over, before pushing it open.

She sits down next to me, and without asking, pulls me into her arms.

I let go.

I curl myself into her, and sob.

Sob for the what if’s and could have beens, for the future I saw between us, for the chances I should have taken but didn’t, for the fact that Spencer Reid deserves someone so much better for a best friend.

She rubs my back and holds me close until the sobs have subsided.

“How did you know?” My words are wet.

“It’s the way you look at him. Like he’s your entire world. Like you would do anything for him.” She brushes some hair out of my eyes, and swipes away some of the tears that are still falling down my face.

“It’s the way he used to look at me.” 

Her smile is sad, and her eyes are distant.

“Does anyone else know?” That’s the last thing I need. For everyone to figure out my secret, to look at me like I’m a child who’s upset they can’t get what they wanted.

She shakes her head.

“No, not that I know of.”

Good to know my acting skills are solid.

I nod, standing up and walking over to the sink.

My eyes are red and puffy. Streaks are run through my foundation, and mascara coats my cheeks.

There’s no salvaging this.

JJ sets her purse down on the counter, digging through it until she pulls out a small pack of makeup wipes.

“I always end up taking off my makeup before I leave these things anyway.”

She hands one to me, and the small smile on my face isn’t forced.

“Thank you.”

She smiles back, and we both turn to the mirror, wiping off the evenings makeup and any signs of breakdown.

My eyes are still puffy, but I can blame that on getting sick.

She hands me a container of mints, and I open it, popping one into my mouth before closing it, and returning it to her.

The air is quiet between us.

“I was planning on telling him. The day I met her, I was going to tell him.”

I bite my lip to hold back more tears.

“I love him, JJ. I love him so much, and he’s never gonna love me the same way. How do I go on, living my life like it never happened?”

I’m cold. 

My chest feels hollow and heavy at the same time.

“I don’t know. I wish I did, but I don’t.” She grabs my hand, holding it between hers. “But I do know that you’re not alone anymore. You don’t have to bare the weight of it alone anymore.”

I nod, pulling her in for a hug, my arms around her waist, my face in her neck.

A home hug.

“Thank you, Jennifer.”

I feel her breath hitch.

She kisses the side of my head. “You’re welcome, y/n.”

We break, and I wipe away a few straggling tears before standing straight, and shoving a smile on my face.

She walks out first, and I follow, trying to look as okay as you can after having a breakdown on a bathroom floor.

We make our way back to our table, and I see JJ shoot a glance at Emily that tells her not to ask questions.

Spencer and Heather are standing in the middle of the hall, glasses of champagne in hand.

He has an arm wrapped around her waist, and he keeps glancing down at her. 

For a moment, his eyes scan the crowd, and when they land on mine, his smile grows.

He raises his glass, and I raise my empty one.

He laughs.

My hands shake as I set my glass down and he goes back to the conversation around him.

Another glance down at her, a kiss placed on her temple.

I down the rest of JJ’s drink when she’s not looking.

God, I fucking hate parties.

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[yououghtaknow]

skam brighton season 5 music analysis

hello :) i’ve gone through all the songs on previous seasons of skam brighton and explained why i used them and i thought i would do it for season 5 now that it’s over.

tw for disucssion of addiction, racism, pedophilia, transphobia and homophobia

trailer

we begin with a bang with “don’t blame me” by taylor swift. now it has been said about me that i am a swiftie and it is true. and nick braxton is a reputation era bitch. this song has quite literally it all for nick’s character - we got christian themes, reference to drug addiction and an unhealthy devotion to someone. this trailer has gone through many songs to find the perfect one, but i decided on this one because of the themes, and also because of the line “they say she’s gone too far this time” - which, in regards to nick, can be read in many ways. we got the nick going “too far” with his love for james in subtly trying to break liz and james up, nick and their drug addiction, and nick and their relationship with their gender identity - going too far in both the masculine and feminine directions. also it bangs your honour.

episode one

we!! begin!! with!! saturday night’s alright for fighting by sir elton john!!! because it is saturday night and, as we’vee seen, nick isn’t afraid to get into a fight or two. this song specifically was chosen because of the movie rocketman, which i drew a lot of inspiration from, with the themes of drug addiction and sexuality. also, once again, it simply slaps.

we then get “ymca” by the village people playing in the background over the rest of the party scene. i chose this song because it is a very stereotypically gay song, and a lot of what i wanted nick to deal with was self-perception in regards to stereotypes. he is very stereotypically flamboyant because it’s both the way he is and a defensive mechanism - leading to his bisexuality being erased and being seen as gay a lot of the time. he ‘s pretty much the opposite in regards to his asian identity, with him not being academically intelligent and outspoken and being very british in their speaking patterns. it’s about the balance and duality and all that stuff. 

then, as we are formally introduced to nick’s devotion to james, we get “where dreams go to die” by john grant. thank you to my friend katya for recommeding this song as a nick song because it is just. crazy. every line makes me want to scream. especially “this is like a well-oiled machine / could i please see that smile again? / it's all that makes me feel like i am living in this world”. like that just shows the extent of nick’s love - because sometimes you’re just in love with the idea of being saved rather than seeking help. is that poetic or am i just pretentiously talking about my trauma? who knows.

we then get “overprotected” by britney spears - because britney has been a nick staple the whole series. i first heard the song in the musical & juliet and i was immediately like “oh nick core”. the song opens with: “ i need time (time) / love (love), joy (joy) / i need space (love) / i need me (action!) / say hello to the girl that i am / you're gonna have to see through my perspective”. because we are literally seeing from nick’s perspective. i also wanted to introduce the gender dynamics early - including in the trailer, where nick refers to themself with she/her pronouns - and her nick is referred to in the text of the song as a girl. it’s also a very sad song about not having any control over your life with a fun pop backing track, which is very nick braxton.

we then get another party scene, that opens with “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” (by ariana grande) covered by sam fender. i chose this song because 1) i love the cover and 2) god is it a nick song. literally nick has so many wants (to be loved by their family, to get sober, to succeed in school, to explore their gender freely) but he focuses on wanting james and wanting james to leave liz because there are less achievable and thus safer. also the song fucking slaps.

we close with “happy little pill” by troye sivan, a mlm classic. a staple of 2014. i chose this song because 1) drug in title, easy get, and 2) it’s actually a really good song???? it’s about the dissociation. it’s very similar to the scene with bree in season 4 episode 1 where “chandelier” plays as she’s clearly not doing well but she’s pretending for the sake of her friends. nick and bree are narrative foils and i love them.

episode two

the first song of episode 2 is “be great” by lolandre and jeremy pope after we see nick and his dad’s dynamic for the first time. and it’s really something huh. it’s about how christian does want nick to be great, but christian has a very narrow idea of what success and happiness looks like.

the next bit of media we get in this episode is nick watching the first episode of euphoria. when preparing to write various seasons of skam brighton, i watched a lot of teen dramas to get a good feel for the vibe i was going for. euphoria was one of them and it’s a show i have a lot of mixed feelings for - i think it’s very well crafted and extremely interesting but i also do have issues with the sexualisation of teenagers on screen, even if it is mostly realistic. i chose this scene specifically because nick and rue are very similar characters, in regards to their relationships with their parents (i believe nick is more of a jules kinnie but more on that later). they both just want to be a good kid and make them happy, but they can never seem to do it. gia, rue’s younger sister, is also a parallel to nick’s brothers.

we then get “old eden” by honeywater which is just simply a song i like very much that had the vibes of the scene. also the lines “i want love / but i don't just want love, i want you / i see the beach house, your sweet mouth / but the terrible news / is that love is not how it seems on the screen / yeah, real love has problems / but it's what's in-between that's the best” is simply just nick braxton huh. ambiguous disorder.

we then get “generation why” by conan gray as nick storms out of their house after a fight with their parents. i chose it very simply for the vibes because i only listened to this song once and thought “i do not wish to listen to this in my free time but it is a nick braxton time”. it’s just the angsty indie pop main character walking down the street vibes.

we!!! end!!! with!!! a song i love very much - “sex drive” by austin mckenzie of dwsa fame. this song plays over nick getting “rejected” by james and resorting to grindr to feed their want for human affection - which is where the parallels to ms jules euphoria come from. i chose this song specifically because it begins with the lines “who’s driving?” on repeat, which calls into question who is in control in the scenario. as seen on screen, nick is the one who initiates the “date” but, at the end of the day, nick is an underage teenager and the person he’s on a date with is an adult man. also the song is simply a fun bisexual time.

episode three

we open with “hurricane drunk” by florence and the machine, a song that has been decidedly nick core since 2018. like “i’m in the grip of a hurricane / i’m going to blow myself away”...... nick braxton you crazy little person

“yours” by greyson chance plays over nick and james driving out to the woods to skip school together….. it is quite insane. “no matter who i'm with, it's you that i adore / if you're not sure / baby, i'm yours” like i scream and shout nick braxton has always been in love with the concept of james cohen

“myrtle ave.” by mxmtoon plays as nick is feeling isolated from his friends…. like they just vibe with the song and the lyrics so hard. nick is just. i have no words other than i love them.

we close with “st jimmy” by green day because. goddammit isn’t he. like james just comes out as bisexual (just like st jimmy in american idiot the broadway musical) and nick is like “you are like a saint to me, i worship you, i will do anything for you”. like it’s a song about drug addiction but it’s also about being bisexual but it’s also about the performance of masculinity and the performance of being a “rebel” that james and nick both do i love them so much.

episode four

we begin with “lucy in the sky with diamonds” by the beatles. i do not listen to the beatles but i think the song is about drugs and the beatles is a james cohen band in canon so it has the connotations babey.

we then get “seventeen” by troye sivan as nick goes on grindr to seek out adult men. it’s genuinely such a nick song - once again, the fun poppy music in the background and the deeply upsetting lyrics. also, as in season 4, i chose this song to emphasise the fact that nick is seventeen and a minor and should not be doing these activities.

we then get “dancing on my own” by robyn as we’re at the vaguely halloween-esque party. it’s once again about the boppy music and sad lyrics and like. nick voice i’m in the corner watching you kiss her ohhhhhh i’m right over here why can’t you see me ohhhhhhh i’m giving it my all but i’m not the guy you’re taking home ooooh i keep dancing on my own. like he’s fucking insane (he is both me and nick)

and then!!!! we get a scene very personal to me. nick watching rocky horror for the first time at a shadowcast showing and watching “the time warp”. i first saw rocky horror when i was about 10/11 because i saw it on glee and wanted to watch the real movie and it made me so so transgender and homosexual. it is such a non-binary little movie and the time warp is just an absolute bop. 

it’s followed by a brief showing of “sweet transvestite” because tim curry in that movie is such an experience for anyone involved. like oh to be gender questioning nick braxton and to see that. what a fucking experience. and also to be gender questioning 11 year old me and to see that and then find out my school is doing a kidz bop version of rocky horror. fucking insane transgender times.

we close with “cecily smith” by will connolly as milo and nick walk home together because. it is just such a sweet song. like life is not the things that we do it’s who we’re doing them with. and it is a very nickmilo song and i am the president of nickmilo nation. i love a non-binary romance i do i do i do.

episode five

we open with “halloween” by phoebe bridgers because it is literally halloween. insane. but it is also such a nick braxton song like come on man we can be anything…… nick braxton voice i’ll be whatever you want…… it’s about the people pleasing and the desire to be wanted and needed loved and goodness gracious. also nick braxton fig faeth kinnie for this song specifically.

and then!!!!! we get nick dramatically singing “girl crush” by the harry styles version in his bathroom mirror. because goddammit they do have a girl crush. it’s about the gender and the desire to both be with james and to be liz becausenick is non-binary babey……..

and then!!!!! in such a parallel!!!!! we get milo singing “inner white girl” from a strange loop on their instagram live. “a strange loop” was a big inspiration for this season, with very similar themes fo it (you should listen to it right now) and this song….. quite genuinely we have nick singing a song about wanting to be a white girl and then they hear this song….. like nick does cling to his inner white girl as a way of staying safe - they cling to the safe idea of mlm flamboyancy and humour to hide from their genuine emotions and gender……. like it is insane to me. also white girls can do anything can’t they!!!!!!!

we then get “the people who raised me” by gregory and the hawks after nick has a fight with their parents…. “but i won't mind no time spent to save me / just trying to be good to the people who raised me” literally nick is trying his best to be good but he can’t be and that makes him angry!!!!!! but that anger is born out of a deep, deep sadness that nick has no emotional language to express, but anger is a language he can speak and it is. insane. like it’s about masculinity, it’s about femininity, it’s about everything. fuck. 

we then get "search your heart" by george feeny as nick sadly vibes at school…. also this scene does parallel with the liz/mary scene in season 2 where their parents fight. like liz is shitty to her friends but stays for her sister and nick is great to his friends but leaves his brothers behind….. the range.

and then!!!! we get phoebe bridgers’ cover of “friday i’m in love” because it is friday and nick is in love huh.

and then!!!!!!!!!! a moment i have been building up to!!!!! we get “back to black” by ms amy winehouse after nick finds out james has a crush on alistair thee fletcher. and just like. god. this song has everything for nick. it’s a song about depression, addiction, leaving your lover, anger, bitterness, second choice ness….. and also he is literally going back to black with his hair colour!!!!! because he thinks being more masculine is what will make people love him and he views pink hair as un-masculine!!!!! and he’s also going back to his family, so he’s going back to trying to hide himself to fit into their expectations….. like god it is an insane little time.

episode six 

we open with “idk if i’m a boy” by blue foster - a song i got on my discover weekly and it was a deeply personal attack. like nick voice i don’t know if i’m a reject i don’t know if i’m a loser but i know that i’ve been feeling feminine since i’ve been teething…. and how the song uses humour as a way to cope with gender dysphoria like it’s nick bay bee.

we then get “green light” by lorde because god it is such a james/nick song i feel insane. like “did it frighten you / how we kissed when we danced on the light up floor?” because james and nick have canonically kissed many times before….. also lorde as an artist just has such intense nick vibes it’s so much fun

we then get "fluorescent adolescent" by arctic monkeys over a party scene because i’ve been told on the internet that it is a british teen party classic. unfortunately the rowdiest party i’ve ever been to is my cousin’s christening so i do not know if it is factual, but it does slap. 

we then get vérité’s cover of somebody else by the 1975 because i just simply prefer this version. but like. oh nick braxton. oh it’s about the rori and the james and the nick being afraid of being open and committing to someone but still wanting to feel the sense of being wanted by someone and being the sole person they want….. literally it is very crazy.

and then we end with “sugar we’re going down” by fall out boy!!!!! like it it such a good song nick voice am i more than you bargained for yet!!! i’ve been dying to tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to hear!!!! because that’s just who i am this week!!!!! like it fits so well with his character but also it is so funny that sugar we’re going down plays as they faint at the party……. i am a comedian sometimes.

episode seven

the first song we get in this ep is “demi moore” by phoebe bridgers as nick is detoxing in the hospital. like quite genuinely “i don’t wanna be stoned anymore!!!!!!!!” they don’t want to be alone anymore!!!!!!!!!

then we get “bite the hand” by boygenius. just. like. “i can’t love you the way you want me to” is just. such a statement for nick’s season. like he can’t love james the way james wants to be loved by nick, they can’t love their parents, their parents can’t love them…… it’s all about learning how to love in a way that is felt by all parties involved in the relationship be it romantic, platonic, familial or otherwise. like. it’s so insane it’s all about love

and then we get “relay” by fiona apple - which was a contender for the trailer song at some point. like nick @ alistair is very “i resent you for being raised right etc.” because he knows liz is fucked up and has flaws, he’s seen them, but alistair is easy to project all of his hatred onto. also just like evil is a relay sport thank you ms apple.

we then get “girls just wanna have fun” by cyndi lauper and “dancing queen” and “mamma mia” by abba sung at the lgbt youth club karaoke night because. i mean of course they are. also they are very fun gender songs and i enjoy them :)

and then. my friends. the moment you’ve been waiting for. nick braxton singing alanis morrissette’s “you oughta know”. now this is gonna be a long one.

the you oughta know analysis

first things first, i got the jagged little pill broadway behind the scenes book for christmas and there’s a whole chapter about you oughta know being a song about the queer struggle of being unseen and unheard and i feel so validated like that is exactly what the song is about.

but for nick. oh baby. it is them singing to james, to rori, to al, to liz, to bree, to his parents, to his teachers, to everyone who perceives them wrong. it’s their moment of standing up and saying i am angry and i am serious about this and i deserve to be listened to as a young person. i will now give an in depth analysis of every line i want to.

“the perfect version of me” - bree and nick have had so many parallels throughout the series, which bree can be described as a “better” version of nick. they’re in therapy, she’s taking care of herself, they’re bisexual and it’s accepted by everyone, she’s a good partner to rori, she has parents who love her, and she can be gender non-conforming in a safe way. but this line also applies to al - because nick and al have also been compared this season, with al talking about how he’s comfortable with his femininity and james liking al, who, despite claiming to be more feminine, is still more traditionally masculine than nick. al, bree and liz are all very academically smart. they are all very creatively gifted. liz doesn’t struggle for money. nick, in their mind, compared to all of these people, is a failure.

“so she speaks eloquently / and she could have your baby / i'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother” - this applied to both liz and bree, who both try to be seen as very eloquent speakers, and who are both afab, so therefore can have james’s baby - something nick wouldn’t be able to do. but we have seen in liz and bree’s seasons that they both have sexual trauma, and bree especially is uncomfortable with having children. it’s nick having this idea of womanhood and femininity being something so unattainable and required for james - that it kind of segways into al. because al is also assigned female at birth and could, as he is pre-t, hypothetically have a child, which is playing into some transphobic notions, but nick sees al as both more feminine and more masculine than him - making al just perfect for james.

“and every time you speak his name / does he know why you told me / you'd be there until you died / 'til you died, but you're still alive” - nick changes to he pronouns here, now directly talking about al. we’ve seen james flirting with nick and we know they’ve kissed in the past, and james and nick are incredibly close friends. but james still, in nick’s mind at this point, chose al over him.

“it was a slap in the face / how quickly i was replaced / and are you thinking of me when she fucks you?” - the conversation about how all the skam brighton characters relate to the line between sex and love is so interesting to me. it is also the reason i do not allow my parents to read this show. but anyways - nick does feel so genuinely replaced by everyone in his life, like there’s always a newer, better version waiting just around the corner. what nick doesn’t know is that that is how everyone else around him feels as well. and the line “are you thinking of me when she fucks you” is such a pointed line because it’s not a line of confidence or a joke. nick knows that no one thinks about them like that because they feel repulsive but try to play it off as a joke.

then we get the “i” section, which is, in the script, more “ayes” and “nahs”, but i wanted to change it to be the word “i” specifically because so much of the season is nick existing for other people. for their parents, for their friends, for their clients, for james. in this moment, they are choosing themself. they are standing up and saying “what i feel is important and i fucking matter”

“'cause the joke that you laid in the bed, that was me / and i'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes / and you know it” - because nick’s sexuality and nick as a romantic partner is treated as such a joke throughout the show’s run, and james has been trying to turn every time he kissed nick into a joke that will go away, but it’s not going to go away because nick remembers it. even if james tries to deny his sexuality to nick’s face, nick is always going to remember that james was, at some point, attracted to men enough to kiss him.

“and every time i scratch my nails / down someone else's back, i hope you feel it / well, can you feel it?” - every time nick has sought out sex with strangers it’s because they feel rejected and insecure in themself. they seek out this sexual validation as a way to feed their want to be loved and noticed by people and he wants james and rori to feel hurt by it - he wants to have the power, he wants to have the control.

“and i’m here” - this line is just. so powerful to me. because it’s a line of defeat - after all this time, nick’s ended up at some crappy youth group with his little brother babysitting him, and he’s been dumped and cheated on and overdosed and everything is so awful. but then it becomes a line of celebration. of “yeah, all that shit happened to me, but i’m still here, i’m still standing, and no one can take away the fact that i am here and i am alive and i deserve to be respected” - something milo taught them when they talked about their tattoo 

“to remind you of the mess you left when you went away” - nick himself is the mess they all left - because they feel so abandoned and alone and like they are just a mess to be discarded, but he’s here to remind everyone that he’s here. it’s a call for help.

“it's not fair, to deny me / of the cross i bear that you gave to me” - this line i always saw as directed at his parents - they gave him this cross of being the perfect eldest sibling that ended up crushing him, and they deny that it ever happened. but nick knows it did. the same way he knows james like guys. the same way he knows rori didn’t like only him. the same way he’s been denying himself of the cross he bears of being non-binary, the cross of being an addict, the cross of being a mentally ill neurodivergent person. this song is him finally letting go of that denial.

“you oughta know” - he’s talking to everyone with that line. everyone should know about his pain, about his emotions, about what he’s gone through, because he’s kept it so bottled up for years. it’s not fair for him not to share it because he deserve to.

they don’t call me isaac tumblr user yououghtaknowmp3 for nothing.

episode eight

we open with “seven” by taylor swift as nick reads a letter they wrote to their younger self. like. “i used to scream ferociously any time i wanted” is such a line about being neurodivergent as a child and then being forced to mask as you grow up….. also the bridge is just james and nick core…. you should come live with me and we could be pirates…..

we then get “nonbinary” by arca because i feel like at this point nick would be trying to listen to more nonbinary artists because they want to see themself reflected rather than running from it!!!!

we then get “heather” by conan gray as nick and liz accidentally meet at the local mentally ill teen zone. because i am just fucking crazy like that. and yes, i chose that song before it got big on tiktok. but i think it’s funnier because it is a famous song.

we then get “falling” by harry styles as nick is being emo in their bedroom because nick is just the type of person who will dramatically listen to harry styles in their bedroom whilst being sad. it also completes the full circle of sad taylor swift to sad harry styles, but with no vehicular manslaughter.

we then get “400 lux” by lorde after james and nick have their big conversation because like it is just a them song. like you buy me orange juice. it’s also about the james/nick having a gansey/ronan dynamic in the way that nick is devotedly in love with him and james is just being homoerotic for the jokes. but not most other ways. honestly i haven’t thought about the skam brighton versions of these characters in trc….. many thoughts head full

episode nine

we open with “pink rabbits” by the national as nick redyes their hair back to pink. and i’ll be honest. i only chose this song because it has pink in the title. but it does still vibe with nick though.

we then get “be your own 3am” by adult mom as nick is dealing with some bad cravings. it’s just a very pretty song for listening to alone at night in your bed in that weird space between sleep and awake. i love it.

we then get “i am not a robot” by marina as nick walks down the street because nick is a marina bitch!!!!!!! and “you've been acting awful tough lately / smoking a lot of cigarettes lately / but inside, you're just a little baby / it's okay to say you've got a weak spot” is such a nick @ james line it makes me insane

also rich’s entire character and backstory is directly lifted from skins gen 3 because i am niche and make content just for me

we then end with “rager teenager!” by troye sivan because i have listened to that song exactly once, decided it had nick vibes, and just stuck it in an episode somewhere.

episode ten

we open with “strange torpedo” by lucy dacus because it is just. such a nick song. it is insane. i am insane. like it is about nick wanting someone but not being sure who or what it is because he just wants to be loved and discovers that sometimes being liked is better than being loved…….

we then get “used to you” by mxmtoon and like….. “tell me what i can say / and i can say it / tell me what i can do / and i can do my best / tell me who i should be / and i can change it” is such a nick early s5 lyric…… and how the song is kind of a love song but the line “now i’m just kind of used to you” is very nick about his feelings towards james

we then get “gay street fighter” by keiynan lonsdale as milo gets their sexy slow mo that all of the love interests get at some point. they deserve it.

and then “to be alone with you” by sufjan stevens plays as milo and nick have their first kiss in the pool because i always wanted to include that scene and thought “hey here is good”. and like. they are alone with each other a lot and they like spending time with each other….. they are friends, they are teens, they are falling in love a little <3

we then get “creep” by lena hall as nick has a little gender moment at school. lena hall played yitzhak in the broadway revival of hedwig and the angry inch and she just has so much gender. creep has always been a nick song and this cover just…. it’s them. 

we then get some ambient guitar music during the nick/rori scene and i chose some songs from “your city gave me asthma” by wilbur soot because it is a fucking great album and nick is canonically a mcyt stan so i simply had to. we end with “your new boyfriend”, which is a funnier, happier wilbur soot song and it is simply a fun time.

episode eleven

we open with “gender is boring” by she/her/hers which is just an absolute banger. like “gender never really meant that much to me / til' people started telling me how it was supposed to be” is such a great line and it is very nick braxton because. like. it’s just gender babey everything is about gender except for gender which is about having fun.

“dorothea” by taylor swift plays as james and nick have their final big scene together and like. it is such a homoerotic and fun song i love it so much thank you taylor friend of the show swift. “and if you're ever tired of being known / for who you know / you know, you'll always know me” is just……. god.

we then get “i do (end credits)” by kevin abstract as we open on the final scene of the season because a) it has end credits in the title and b) it is just another song i think nick would enjoy listening to.

we then get “they/them/theirs” by worriers as we get another little party montage because it’s a vibe time and like. i do love a they/them pronoun moment. it’s a very good and fun pronoun to use.

and finally we get “prelude” from next to normal as al comes in late to the party and awkwardly stands at the back. i chose this song because. well. you’ll see :)

thank you for reading my analysis that no one asked for, i just love having fun and talking about my silly little show :)

[singeramg]

Midnight: Chapter 14

Paring: Clark Kent/ Metahuman! Black! OFC

Rating: M

Warning: None other than some angst and maybe some tears if you are sensitive...

A/n: Hey everyone! I am back again! Did you all enjoy my last chapter? If you missed it check out my masterlist! 

Midnight: Chapter 14

Previously:

 “Are you blocking again Gia. You always block when you aren’t ready to hear the truth but this is it. You are absolutely right...about everything. I still don’t how I managed to mess everything up so badly between us, but I do know I will spend the rest of my life regretting it if it costs me you forever. Please Gia don’t walk away again. I can’t watch you leave when I shouldn’t have let you go the first time..”

 “What do you mean you shouldn’t have let me go the first time?”

 Currently:

 I felt my stomach drop but in a way that I couldn’t understand. Clark is staring at me, his blue eyes capturing me and I’m conflicted on whether to run into his rather large arms or slap him across his dumb handsome face, damn the wrist sprain I’ll suffer. 

   “I should have fought harder for you. I got cold feet about what we could have been and I stayed comfortable rather than trying something new. I messed up badly and all I’m asking for is the opportunity to make it right.”

 I roll my eyes and poke him in his chest. Feels like I am poking a wall but I don’t care. Clark doesn’t give any indication that I've poked him, only looks at me as softly as he did before.

  “Is this about your conscious? This feels like you are apologizing to get that guilt off your chest. Clark I told you a long time ago and just now that you don’t have to feel bad about loving Lois. She was a natural choice. She is gorgeous, red hair, soft eyes, driven, accomplished. Who wouldn’t want someone like that? It was okay that you loved her. You don’t need to apologize for that.”

 He laughs slightly and says

   “Yes Lois is all of those things. And Yes there was a time where I thought she was it for me. You, however are more than that, you always have been. Now, here you are, the mother of my child and all I want is you.”

 There it was.

 Clark didn’t want me truly, he just wanted the family. What the good ole’ Bible Belt told him he needed to do and be when you had a child. I shake my head in disbelief that he thought I would fall for something like this. That I would fall into his arms because of a child. Here I was about to foolish again, believing that there was anything for me in his heart. I step even further away, snatching up the pj’s that I pulled out and going over to the bathroom. I didn’t even have the heart to yell at him. I was tired of the yell and the explaining of myself and emotions to Clark fucking Kent. I didn’t feel like trying to re-program him and trying to make him see sense. If he didn’t understand my feelings weren’t for playing around and weren’t for him to call on for a ego boost by now, then he never would.

I had one child to raise, I didn’t need other in Clark’s teenaged behavior. I knew I would never not love him. It was clear as day, I never could forget this, but I also know if I didn’t put an end of this AGAIN then it would build until I felt like I could do was run away again. I would take Kalen and run and that would only make things harder for me and Clark to co-parent. It was a shitstorm of epic proportions that needed a conclusion.

   “Kal you can stay in the room with Kalen all you want. You two should bond, but as far as you and me goes. There isn’t a you and me. We can learn to be friends again, make that part work for the sake of Kalen. Goodnight Kal-El.”

 The kicked puppy look Clark shoots me, almost made me think he was serious. I knew Clark and he was just reeling from having gone down knowing he had an almost Fiancee to waking up and having her married to someone else. It had to be jarring for him and now he was looking for comfort in having a family, to feel normal again. He was willing to settle with me. 

I didn’t want his pity settlement/ entitlement.

I closed the door to my bathroom, listening for the door to my room to open and close. When I did I let out the breath I had been holding. He didn’t love me. Not in the way I still loved him...

 *Two days later*

 I watched with the rest of the world as trash and war ships were dumped back on the land, and I worried for my friend. Arthur wasn’t the type to keep a phone and considering he was spending most of his time in the water. He was unreachable, and I worried as the various news channels tried to identify him. The worry for Arthur helped take my mind off Clark as terrible as that sounded. 

I was avoiding him like the damn plague and that was because I didn’t trust myself around him. It was easy to avoid him when he radiates so much energy, and in case he tried to alter his emotions to get to me, I had them off every time I knew he was in the area.

I of course looked after Kalen but I made sure to stay clear of him, Ms. A doing her best to be a bumper between the two of us. I hated that she was leaving me. She had become the grandmother I never had, always being around to help and love on Kalen. It was for her own protection but as I sat on her bed, watching her pack the things Bruce purchased for her while Clark took Kalen to the farm with his mother, I was sad.

   “Pick up your face child, I’m moving not dying.”

 She jokes and folds a sweater away into the black suitcase.

   “Yes but California is far away Ms. Alphonse.”

   “Yes, but think about how you and Kalen can come visit me in the warm weather! My niece wants to meet you!”

I smile.

   “I want to meet her too. We will plan a trip soon, Kalen and I.”

   “And Clark.”

 I roll my eyes and huff.

   “I think he needs to stay around here, can’t solve crimes that far away.”

   “The man can fly, I don’t think that’s the problem. Oh and don’t think I haven’t been noticing you avoiding him. Always sending me in with Kalen when he is here. I’ve been going along with it, but you do know that is coming to an end right?”

   “Yes I realize that, but then I’ll just have Alfred do it.”

   “Gia. Why are you avoiding the man? Do you know he asks about you every time he sees me? Looks shattered when I tell him I don’t know.”

   “Long story short he thinks that a family will fix all of his abandonment issues. I decided a long time ago I was done with the wrangling of a superhero.”

 Ms. A laughs at me which makes me pout slightly.

   “Why is that a bad thing? If he wants to be a family with you...I mean you can’t get much better than Superman.”

   “That’s Just it. I’m just me, he is Superman. He can have any woman he wants. He is only trying this because Lois got married and his own upbringing says you should have a family together with your child’s mother. I know him, it’s only a matter of time before he realizes again that I’m not it. I’d rather avoid the heartbreak later by ending it now.”

 She comes back over to her bed, sitting next to me before pulling me into a hug.

  “Baby I know you’ve been through a lot in your life and I also know that when someone burns you you think the best thing to do is cut the head off. It’s like a Hydra it always grows back with two more heads. The real question is are you fixing it or hiding it away? I’m going to tell you right now that you are only hurting yourself.”

   “I need to hurt myself before someone else does.”

   “Gia baby that is no way to live...”

 *At work*

 I was at work again much to everyone’s chagrin, but Victor was on a remote babysitting duty tonight. I knew I was going to have to quit because of those people that had taken me before found my house so quickly, it would only be a matter of time before they tracked me down again, but in this case more time out of the house meant I was less likely to run into Clark. It was the middle of the week, meaning we had a few regulars but no large crowds which was good for me. I was washing out some tumblers and hand drying them for later use, when a throat cleared behind me. I turned around and almost dropped the glass I was cleaning when I found  Lois sitting at the bar. This was the last place I expected to see her but her face gave no indication as to why she was there.

   “Oh wow... Look Lois, if you are here to slap me then come on get it over with. I already feel like shit.”

  “Is that how you greet all your old friends?”

She says with a wry smile in my direction.

   “Only the ones that want to fight me.”

   “Well then pick a different greeting then because I am not here to fight you Gia.”

 I raised an eyebrow.

  “Really? You aren’t just saying that to get a drink on the house are you?”

I smile slightly and go to make the drink I always knew was her favorite. She takes a long sip.

  “This drink might actually be heaven great job. Now let’s cut the bullshit and get to why I am really here.”

She says to me and takes another sip.

  “There’s the Lois I know.”

  “Exactly. The Lois who is a friend or at least thought she was AND has a few questions.”

  “Okay break me down reporter.”

  “Clark told me about your son together. I have a few questions I need answered woman to woman.”

 I sighed, I knew the woman to woman talk was going to have to happen eventually.

   “Alright. How about you head over to the booth, I’ll take my break and we can talk.”

 She agrees and takes her drink, her camel colored mid length coat covering the nice clothes that clearly signified she came from work to talk to me. It didn’t bode well for me because that meant she has been thinking about this all day. She was going to chew me out and I was going to have to let her because let’s face it, I was the third in a duo whether I meant to be or not.

I signaled my coworker to watch the bar for me, even though there was only  a few patrons in at the moment. 

 I slide in across from her, a glass of water in front of me. I eye her nervously, surely picking up on her energy, but she is radiating a swirl of things the most prominent being nerves, confusion, sadness all tied together with happiness. 

Very unsettling considering everything 

     “So As I said Clark told me that you two have. Son together. He also told me about the timeline of his conception. I guess I can’t truly say that he cheated with you because he didn’t but in a odd way it kind of feels that way slightly. Like when he and I took that break it was because I wasn’t sure his heart was in it anymore, plus all that stuff with Bruce and I needed time to think. It hurt to think he was able to be with you so easily. I’ve made peace with that. What I really want to know is why you left? At the end of everything we were friends, you could have asked me for help.”

   “Lois yes we were friends but be real, if I had come to you immediately after Clark died and said ‘aye yo’ sis I know you loved him and everything, but he and I did the deed and now I’m carrying your dead boyfriend's child’ Lois I know you. You would have absolutely hated me and never believed that it was only the one time.”

 She had the grace to look ashamed.

   “Maybe at the beginning. I would have still understood and as I said you were my friend. I was more upset about you abandoning me once Clark died than anything. I thought we were better than that.”

 I looked at her saddened, somehow feeling more terrible than I had about anyone because she had been a good friend to me. 

   “We were. Maybe I shouldn’t have left, but I couldn’t handle you and Martha hating me. I already felt like an invasive species in your world.”

  “You weren’t and I’m sorry if I never expressed that you weren’t. Besides, I should have bowed out a while ago.”

I looked at her confused as she took another drink. I followed suit with my water.

    “Huh?”

    “Gia how long have you been in love with Clark?”

 I know I looked like a deer in headlights as I stared at Lois, who only had a small smirk on her face as she watched me panic. This had been one of my fears. That I would have to look her in the eyes and explain that had sat in her face smiling all the while loving her man. It was shady as fuck at best.

   “W..wwhat do you mean? I don’t love him.”

   “So now we are going to sit in each other’s faces and lie? Come on Gia, I am a Pulitzer Prize winning investigative  journalist and at the end of it all, I am a woman. I knew. I choose to ignore it because I was being selfish, trying to hold on to something that was never meant to last. Honestly, trying to keep up with a superhero? Knowing he was out facing evils and putting himself at risk? Knowing I had no way of stopping it? One of the reasons I needed to think without him was I was coming to the realization that I wasn’t cut out for feeling helpless. That’s never been me.”

 I still didn’t want to say it out loud.

   “Gia all I am asking for is a little honesty. Don’t let poor little ole me go into the world thinking I’m crazy, when I know I’m not.”

   “Fine. I guess it didn’t start that way and I know he was completely dedicated to you. I thought at first it was like me being young and dumb, you know that public figure crush that everyone gets when faced with an attractive public figure, then maybe I thought it was a whole bonding because of the trauma, then I don’t know what happened. And I tried not to feel that way. Honest Lois I did, because it was hopeless for me to feel that way. I was learning to be okay with being his friend. Then that night happened. It changed everything.”

   “And how did he tell you he was still going to be with me.”

   “After he disappeared on me for a week, he came by and told me that he and I shouldn’t be around each other.”

 I left out the part that I saw them together first, and until that moment I was holding out for him to come back to me.

  “Clark has always had foot in mouth syndrome. He is very intelligent but sometimes he just says the wrong thing.”

   “You can say that again, Jesus.”

 We laugh and somehow it gets serious again as awkwardness fills the room.

  “ That night that Clark died was certain about your feelings. I was grieving him but the way you grieved him was different. It almost felt intrusive to watch how you sat next him and just cried, your hand on his, literally trying to push energy into him, you don’t even realize you were begging him not to leave you, it was so quiet and heartbreaking that if I hadn’t been listening over his chest I wouldn’t have heard you at all. It was like a private moment that you shared with him, even in death.“

 I was shocked. Everything was such a blur that night. I didn’t remember asking Clark not to leave.

 “I felt even worse when I found the ring he had for me.”

 “It was a beautiful ring.” I noted.

 “I didn’t tell anyone when I found these.”

 She pulls out two envelopes. One with her name and the other one for me.

 She sides mine across the table, and I pick it up recognizing Clark’s neat writing, indicating that he took his time, because it was impossible to be that neat if he was rushing versus him taking his time.

  “I was upset when I read mine, but I never had any intention on not giving you yours. Like I said you disappeared.”

The paper feels heavy in my hand and I don’t want to open it. 

   “I never read it just an FYI. The letters were hidden in his stuff in the apartment. I actually found the ring a while before I found these. My letter basically said that he loved me and he always would but I didn’t deserve to be with someone who couldn’t give me their whole heart. He wished that he had the courage to say that to me, that our time together had made everything he’d done in his life worth it and hoped that someday we would be friends.”

 I looked at her shocked. Clark had actually planned on leaving her?

 “I..Lois..I don’t know what to say...”

 “There is nothing to say. Just read your letter.”

She shrugs and I open the slightly brown envelope. 

 Dearest Gia,   I am writing this letter to you because I’ve always been better with the written word than talking. The confidence I have in spades on a normal day disappears when I am around you. I want to say that I regret not staying with you. It’s not that I don’t love Lois but you walked out my life two weeks ago and I haven’t been okay since. It’s like you took all of my hopes, dreams and happiness with you. This is why I am breaking things off with Lois for good. I can’t love her that way now that I have experienced being with you. The mistake I made haunts me night after night and I can’t sleep, not without feeling you next to me. I’m not a creeper” as you would have called me, but most of the time I stay up watching your apartment and hoping you change your mind. Ask me to come back to you.    There are so many things I want to say to you and I can’t because you don’t want me... at least not the way I want you. You were perfectly okay with being my friend, and I ruined it by not being able to stop myself, because I had to have you. Even if it was for only one night, one night that you entrusted me to be with you and I ruined it as soon as I possibly could. This letter is the only chance I suspect I’ll ever have to tell you exactly how I feel, because if I know anything about you, once you dig your heels in about something then that’s it. That goodbye you spoke to me felt final, and I am not okay with that, but I can’t deny you from whatever you want from me.   However, I cannot let you leave my life without telling you that I love you. I know that you don’t feel that way for me and I selfishly wished you did because I could call you mine. Finally.    As I said in the earlier part of my letter I’ve never been good with voicing my feelings, especially around you. The feelings I have for you run deep and maybe someday when I see you married or with someone else’s child I’ll get over you, but  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over you.    This letter is getting long and I’ve probably taken your attention away from someone who has a chance with you. I won’t bother you again, but I do want you to know that  I’ll always listen for your voice,  I’ll always come when you call for me.   Yours,   Clark Joseph Kent

 I looked back up at Lois with my eyes and face wet.

   “I meant it when I said I should have bowed out a long time ago. I told you I never read your letter, but if it says what I think it does then my suspicions before i had a conversation with him were correct. The reporter in me wanted to read it, but my morals wouldn’t let me intrude on a private moment between the two of you, plus I honestly didn’t know how I would deal with reading if I had said something to you that I wasn’t ready to accept. If your letter was anything like mine then it was personal and I knew what it said.  Clark looked at me like I was the only woman in the world for him, but you Gia... Gia, he looked at you like you hung the moon. At first I didn’t understand why it wasn’t me, what was it about you besides the whole power thing? I realized that while I was Clark’s biggest cheerleader, he didn’t need a cheerleader, he needed a partner. Someone he can pass the ball to when it gets too tough for him mentally and in your case physically as well. I can be there for him and be proud of everything but I don’t think I won’t be able to fully understand what you all go through in your lives. I can write about hard decisions but I’ve never had to make them.”

 Her words hit me right in the chest as I felt her sadness. I could tell what she had just told me hadn’t been something easy to admit to herself much less another person. 

  “I am so sorry Lois.”

  “Don’t be sorry for me. I don’t need that. I met my husband Matthew not too long after that letter and it’s been a worldwide adventure and I realized that my hero can be a regular guy. Matt has been a saving grace more than I can count. If you two can make each other happy then just know that if it helps you have my blessing. All I am asking for is that even if you don’t want to be with Clark can you at least go see him? He is starting to emit a permanent aura of doom and gloom. I’m surprised you can’t feel it.”

   “I’ve kinda been blocking all incoming emotions anytime he is around. I didn’t want to have to feel the pity, the guilt, the complacency he would have to be with me. I didn’t know any better.”

 Lois shakes her head with a smile.

   “You two deserve each other because you are both impossible. Blind leading the blind.”

 I laugh with her and glance over at my coworker who is watching me as well and I realize how much of a mess I had to look like. He looked like he was going to come over any second but I shook my head no once we made eye contact. Lois looks over at him and offers him a head tilt and then looks back at me. She gets up and grabs her bag and coat that she took off once she sat down in the booth. Once prepared to leave she turns to me with a fixed yet soft stare and says

   “Please go and see him.”

   “I will.” I agree and try not to let it show how much I would like to leave at that very moment to tell him.

  “Good. Stay in touch Gia, I didn’t just come to be Clark’s wing...girl. I came to get my friend back.”

She offers me a hug and I take it. 

  “I’ve missed you Lois Lane.”

   “Oh don’t worry you won’t get rid of me now, because you are way too fucking hard to track down. Also let me tell you that I swear if you make me track you to a strip club again I will hurt you.”

 I sighed, and did my best to look nervous. The strip club had not been my finest hour, but the only saving grace was that I’d only been a bartender there too. However the people there were nicer than any other job I had ever had since then,  I didn’t think anyone could find out about that.

   “Alright alright already. Get out of here, I’m sure you are expected home by now.”

 She agrees with a laugh and goes on her way.

 At my return to the bar, my co-workers look at me nervously as if I was going to burst into tears again at any second. I ponder how quickly I can leave to go find Clark. 

   “I’m fine John. You can stop holding your breath. I won’t cry on you.”

 He visibly relaxes at my joke.

   “Damn all this time Tiffany,  I’ve been waiting to be a  shoulder for you to cry on.”

   “With those lines you will be waiting for a long time...”

with that I count down the time until I could leave to find Clark...

A/N: Does anyone need Kleenex? I did and I wrote it lol 

Good news is that Gia now knows exactly how Clark feels about her. Will they finally stop dancing around each other?

Thank You for reading and the taglist for this story is open. I appreciate every reblog and comment. I promise you I am going to do better with responding to the comment that I left because I really enjoy them and don’t want them to stop! 

TAGLIST:

@bloodyinspiredfuck​ @romyr4​ @p3nny4urth0ught5​

[mingi-bubu]

Watch “Youth With You” with Me!

Episode 19 Part 2

aaannnnd we’re back!

part of me wants to continue but the other part of me is feeling sad bc we don’t have much time left with these girls you know?

like

this show has literally been part of my life since before quarantine in my state started and idk what im gonna do when its over

like all of my content for them is just gonna like..peeter out bc i don’t have a weibo bc for some reason i can’t really like keep up with them and even if i did have it i do not understand chinese past like four characters so like

still wouldnt know whats going on

idk it’s just v bittersweet to me bc this is my first time watching the show (as we all are aware esp with how confused i was during the first few episodes aldfkj)

so like im very much more attatched to these girls in comparison to like unine’s run and xukun’s run since i already know the outcomes

like im still attatched to certain trainees

but like in a way since i know how it ends ive already made my peace with them not debuting

anyway

none of y’all who read this read this for my inner serious monologue

we are here for two things and two things only

mr. fruit

and

watching esther make fun of xiaotang and snow

alkdsfja;lsdkjf

okay anyway

my phone’s plugged in, i have some water, i want to eat ramen but i probs will get cereal or somethign idk

if i do, you would be of course notified

im literally talking it over with @zhuzhengtngs rn adkfjs;kf

we love late night schnacking

i got cereal

*munchmunchmunchmunchmuynch*

ok

so my phone is unplugged (but its charged so its fine), i have water, i have my iced cereal bc it is superior

as sir laughs-a-lot himself, mark lee, would say, lezgeddit

ok so jin jolin is now calling xiaotang to the stage

oooohh i wonder what shes gonna do

a bowl dance?

neato

shes using regular bowls tho not like the traditional kind

she said “so if i fail that’s why”

jin jolin: zhao xiaotang dont drop these bowls. they are your eating bowls

ajdfl;kasjdf

alksdjfal;ksdjfasd esther has 3 noisemakers we love a supportive friend adljfads

ngl i had forgotten that she’s trained in trad dance

oh she gonna dance with them on her head oaghafjf

oh my god theyr’e moving

ooooh she finished ugh her mind

nothing broke she’s so incredible

 adl;kfajsd;lafkjds jolinis also bowl dancing increcible

ooooohhhh they fell lkasjfslakjdf

jenny zeng!!!

she’s going to perform a xinjiang dance

this means nothing to me so im excited to see what happens

wow

her hair is its own performer

i think this is another traditional dance

ohhhh xiaotang is joinign her

wow i really do be in love with them

ah ethnic dances are what they’re calling it

flora’s turn!!!  oooohhhh she looks like a mermaid

oooh the way the skirt moves i 

her hair is loose

i repeat her hair is loose

ajsdlkfjsad jolin teasing shaking i love it

oooh yu yan is going to play guitar and sing her own song

wowowow that was so impressive

oh jolin is going to select a letter and have the trainee read it out

it’s a letter directed to one of the other trainees

jue chen is first and its directed to frhanm

awww bbaby is going to cry T.T

thankful right now that the iqiyi app does in fact keep pausing bc it allows me to breathe again

aealskdf

that was really sweet you guys T.T

no please iqiyi i dont need to have a clear stream keep pausing it’s fine

i dont need to know frhanm’s response

frhanm’s turn to go and it’s to babymonster

oh that’s emo af

in case we had forgotten they have known each other for about four years now

lingzi’s turn

her letter is to all of them?

idk but it’s v emotional eiither way

ah to marco also

v cute v cuteee

and to gia ge as well

and aria jin

jolin is gonna make me cry fuck ok then

i really bear tearing up 

aria and gia thanked eacheother

god ok this part of the episode hurts as much as the phonecalls did

snow’s is to esther

im agonga cry

ok it paused again time to pull back the tears hahaha

oooh snh48 is performing

wowowow marco said they’re at an snh48 concert im

wait are like all members of snh48 still in??  im quaked

ahh ok almost all of them?

two are no longer there

i hope that after this they’re able to be successful as a group

hmmm

episode 19 hurts in ways i wasn’t expecting

very bittersweet

shakings hair is bllue al;sdjfa;klsdjf

fuck ok that last metaphor shaking made hit me in the throat

oh fuck ok eliminations great

as if i wasnt emotionally compromised enough

:)

ook it’s their entrance ceremony

im dont want ot see anyo f tem leave

 i love that im alreayd typing lilke im sobbing aja;kdslfjaskdj

no aksjfa;lskdf tako ajslfkasjd

why is shaking’s hair so impressive oh my god

oh is that it what

wowowowow i forgot

gia ge slapped marco to “release the pressure” adskfs;

hmmmm thunderstorms

fun

oooh ok gotta stay on brand

xukun looks so good fuadlfkjasd;fjaf

alas it’s a sad atmosphere

hhhh he just told them it’s raining outside so don’t cry today

as if that’s gonna stop them or me

ok i take it back what is happening iwth his sleeve

i hate one (1) man and his stylists

fuck he really said the heavens are crying on your behalf im goinnsa

*kermit*

;kajsdflkajsd; said he’s not gonna give them tissues

$10 says he does and someone if not xukun himself calls him out on it

xiaotang, nodding: we can use our sleeves

iakdsjfa;kdsj

oh it’s the last ranking announcement

hhhhhhhhh

bc the next time they do this, it’s for the debut

i

why did i let yh pr team talk me into watching this show im hurting

xukun i will fight you if you keep tyring to make me cry

i will fly to guangzhou right now

oh

?? WE DONT GET TO KNOW UNTIL SATURDAY

fuck you guys

lkdadfk new mentor x and she’s giving advice on the industry

oh do we get to see the underwater shoot as well??

fun fun fun

scary looking

there’s still like 10 minutes left???  and we’re already getting to esther’s lil speechy thing

i am confusion

ohhh ok it’s the trainees promises message thing to the youth producers

ok

and themselves

this is emotional

im choking up whyyyy

i wonder if the eliminated trainees are told to stay off of social media until the results are released

like that would be smart thing for the company to do but whether or not it actually happens is a different story

and since i dont have a weibo or douyin i have no clue adkljfaldj

adskjfasdk as expected jue chen’s message to herself is short and to the point

ok ok ok

that shit

hurted

:)

oh they’realksdfjasdkfj the period thing theyre doing

xtz’s hair piece ajl;dfkja;sjdk

iqiyi quit pausinnnnngggg

weeehhhhhhh

almost tempted ot get the vip access version so i can watch it

eh i can probably find it on the internet somewhere

ok that brings us to the end of this episode

(oh gosh im only going to be able to say this a few more times before it’s the end of the show)

(my god im gonna make myself cry arent i)

anyway

i’ll see you guys on saturday for business advice and the final elimination round

stay safe and stay healthy!!!

have a good rest of your day <3333

[pprincesscut]

Bianca del Rio! Adore! Gia Gunn! Darienne Lake! Laganga Estranga! Trinity K Bonet! Joslyn Fox! April Carrion!

cmon season 6!!!

bianca: i fucking LOVE bianca so much shes so funny and so TALENTED and so great i was thinking abt going to berlin to see her but i can’t afford it :/ sad but yeah i love her and i watch hurricane bianca like once a week and i can’t wait for the second one and i love bianca shes so TALENTED. god

adore: listen i could make this,, super long but i’m not gonna. adore delano is my everything and i’ll die for her right here right now. i fucking love her so much (also!!! 23 days!)

gia: uuuh i don’t really care about her that much?? on season 6 she was like pretty annoying but not to the point where i like,, didn’t like her lol shes entertaining in like an annoying way u kno what i mean? i don’t follow her or anything i’m kinda just shrug emoji abt her u kno

darienne: DEFINITELY shouldnt have been top4 back on s6 lol like honestly tf?? but other than that i don’t really have an opinion on her i think she was meh on the show and i don’t feel the need to like keep up with her or know what shes doing u kno? also her part of oh no she betta don’t? iconic.

laganja: i love laganja lol shes so fucking beautiful like we don’t talk about how beautiful she is enough!!! she is like a lil annoying tho but like so am i so??? love her!!!

tkb: shes another one i don’t keep up with at all so idk lol back on season 6 i liked her but she obviously struggled a lot (which i get, bitch i’d struggle so hard lol) but i don’t follow her so idk what shes like doing now but shes GORGEOUS! fucking beautiful stunning amazing.

joslyn: oh my god like the sweetest person i just wanna hug her. shdbdbd idk shes so pure??? an angel idk also so unintentionally funny (on the show at least, i havent really seen anything from her off the show) also during the rusical challenge when lucian tells her she has an interesting voice and she’s like “i’ve embraced it…” in her confessional that’s the most precious moment ever and i just wanna HUG HER dbdbxbx

april: god april is so gorgeous my brain doesnt even know how to process it like. fuck. shes been doing so many photoshoots recently and every time she posts something i’m just like????? how the fuck does someone look like that???????? like. fuck. i stan

[yoyoplisetsky]

I’ve had a long past few weeks and been very busy, so technically this list is for like,,, 2 weeks, but I want to get back on track, so I’m pretending like it’s only for 1. Hopefully, starting next week, I’ll be able to read/write more frequently again. Hopefully? :) Anyway, I hope you enjoy the fics I liked “this week”. As always, please please send me suggestions if you have some ^^ Also this list is like 75% Nuri and Meg and I’m only half sorry for it. Also! This time I tried to link tumblrs as much as I could; pls tell me if you know a tumblr I didn’t link :)

What I Read This Week (7/2-7/9)

The Westchester Samba - FullmetalChords - @phoenixrei - Victor knew a lot of things about his fiancé. He knew that he loved dogs, especially poodles. He knew that he was allergic to dairy and had a special fondness for a Japanese dish called katsudon. He knew that he’d taken dance lessons when he was young, and that he’d thought of going pro before realizing that art theft was a lot more lucrative. He knew every mole, every scar, every stretch mark on his body, and had spent considerable time learning and worshipping each one. He knew his fears, and he knew his dreams. He did not, however, know his name. (My review: Probs my fave story in Meg’s thief au tbh)

patellofemoral pain syndrome (Ch. 1-2) - seventhstar - @pencilwalla - It’s just…does Viktor not get bored with doing it the same way every night? Doesn’t he want to spice things up? Is Yuuri being unreasonable? He’s pretty sure that if Viktor told him his performance in bed was unsatisfying his soul would flee his body for a more merciful plane of existence, but…Viktor is thicker-skinned than he is. And so here they are. Viktor’s bed is wide and soft, and Yuuri is lying there with wet hair and ratty boxers while Viktor absently trails kisses over his shoulder. It’s nice. It’s soft. It’s good. Viktor’s headboard is enormous and Yuuri keeps thinking about Viktor’s wrists bound to it, black rope over white skin. Fuck. He should say something. (My review: Nuri’s arthritis porn is A+++ everyone needs to read it okay?)

even sinners have hearts (Ch. 1-2) - seventhstar - @pencilwalla​ - Alexei Ivanov is watching Yuuri as he lifts the cup to his mouth. His lips part to drink; Yuuri has never wanted to be a mouthful of sake more. I have to kill him, Yuuri thinks, and he stands up and announces to the room the time and place of the tour he’s giving tomorrow. Or, the one where they're powered criminals in love. (My review: HOOOOOOOO BOY YOU KNOW WHAT I NEED? SOME TELEPATHY MM YES. YES. WRECK THEM NURI I MEAN YUURI)

Eros, and Other Love Stories - FullmetalChords - @phoenixrei - Eros. Yuuri understands it in theory, of course. He’s seen what must be hundreds of movies about the very topic, but never really understood them. Never understood why the protagonists of these films make such fools of themselves for sex, or why they fall head over heels in love with the first pretty face they see. He nods and smiles and sighs along with the rest of them… but he’s never related to those characters’ struggles. Not even a little. What is wrong with him?- - A character study of Japan's ace, Katsuki Yuuri. (My review: I sitll haven’t commented on this because I’m 8.2 million years behind on everything but w o w Meg’s ace!Yuuri blew me away. Unbelievable)

The Triple Lutz Job (Ch. 1-4) - FullmetalChords - @phoenixrei​ - Backed by the world's foremost hackers, grifters, and thieves, Victor Nikiforov works the other side of the law to fight against injustice on behalf of the underprivileged. When a woman asks for his help in retrieving stolen government data, Victor and his team infiltrate a local figure skating competition in order to take down a corrupt CEO. But beneath the ice's frigid beauty lurk many perilous secrets that may be more than even the world's greatest thieves can handle. (My review: IT’S ABOUT FSAJKFSING TIME I READ THIS MEG I’M DYING MEG’S OTABEK IS BEST OTABEK.)

Twice The Love For Yuuri - smutinator - @smutinator​ - Yuuri and Viktor go camping and end up having a three-way with Viktor's fairy doppelganger. (My review: Look, I always need more vyv. We all know that. Very well written and A+.)

Six Hours Ahead (Ch. 6-10) - alipiee - @alipiee​ - (In which Yuuri unknowingly befriends Viktor online and gushes to him about the living legend himself) (My review: Another story I was 50 years behind on. I love this super sweet au, and I live for Niki and Yuuri. It’s very cute and ccan’t wait for more)

never tasted rubies - ebenroot - @ebenroot​ - Phichit puts up a poll on the radio website. It reads ‘What Do U Think About Yuuri K. from Hasetsu Nights and the Mysterious Caller Victor?’ Seventy-five percent of listeners said ‘lol they should just f*ck already tbh’. -- in which Yuuri is an unwilling radio host and Victor won't stop calling in to chat with him (My review: I feel like I might hvae read this one before but ??? it’s???? so good??? Definitely a favorite in the fandom)

(Don't Stop) 'Til You Knock On My Door - FullmetalChords - @phoenixrei - “And…” Victor wets his lips. “You… want this?” A sly smile spreads across Yuuri’s face. “I want,” Yuuri says, putting his hands on Victor’s hips as he pulls him closer, “to give you what you need.” He brushes his thumbs over Victor’s hip bones. “Will you tell me what you need now?” -- Yuuri is ace. Victor is not. They both find a way to get what they need from each other. (My review: Ace!Yuuri feat. Viktor getting no control in his life for once because he fucking needs that sometimes. God, Meg killed me. Again.)

While you were sleeping - Chessala - @chessala - In which Yuuri falls into a Coma after saving Viktor's life and Viktor is having a hard time dealing with it. (My review: I shouldn’t have any room to say “this is so sad” with me also writing a mcd this week but also how dare you i loved it)

Reptiles - KasumiChou - @kasumi-chou - Yuri was over JJ spamming him pictures of his snakes. Snakes were not cool. No. Nope. Cats were one hundred times better. And then he finds out how hot Otabek looks with a snake around his neck. (My review: So I’m def super behind on Kas’s Twitter au, but she did this thing with snakes and I needed more. This is my fault. <3 u kas. I loved it)

The Virtue of Sin (Ch. 1) - DefiantDreams - @gia-comeatme - When Yuuri comes home to 7 demons, each embodying the 7 Deadly Sins, it’s honestly the least of his worries.Surprisingly, they help him get back on his feet, succeed in his career and get the man of his dreams.(But, as with anything, there is a price.) (My review: so I saw essa reblog this prompt and was immediately excited because a) i love essa and b) the prompt looked great and she did not let me down, excited for more!!) 

How You Turned My World, You Precious Thing - cuttlemefish - @cuttlemefishwrites - Labyrinth-inspired (1986) AU. When Viktor’s sister dies in a car crash, he’s left to take care of his one-year-old nephew Yuri, despite barely knowing how to take care of himself. It’s too bad Viktor has accidentally wished Yuri away to the Goblin King, whose killer eye-shadow game and glitter storms are nothing compared to the Labyrinth protecting his castle. Now, Viktor has 13 hours to get Yuri back or he risks losing him forever to the Goblin King, who also has 13 hours to convince Viktor that forever is not long at all. (My review: the labyrinth au i didn’t know I needed until z started to write it - feat. baby yurio, goblin king yuuri, and clueless viktor who is definitely at fault for this)

What I Wrote This Week (7/2-7/9)

never stop remembering him - “The flight from Sheremetyevo Airport in Moscow to Fukoka has gone down,” The loudspeaker was saying, and Viktor wished the ringing would return. “We have no word yet on the passengers or crew, but it is reported that an engine went out and couldn’t be recovered, and the plane crash landed. As we get more information on the flight, it will be reported. For now – “ They began to talk about other delays, but Viktor didn’t bother to listen, his heart feeling numb. He just had to remember to breathe. (Or: Yuuri dies after Rostelecom and what can Viktor do?)

[patchworkstudies]

what music do you listen to?

well, shit. the short answer is, a lot of it. mostly gay artists  . of the top of my head, the ones i like/listen to most are

lgbt / queer artists

PWR BTTM: the loves of my life. hella gay music, usually angry or sad. coming out w a new album soon (aaaaaaaaaaa) and were going to be my first concert but then i had a term paper due the next day and my dad found out and wouldn’t let me go. but srsly, they’re incredible. and they write abt gender stuff and gay stuff and hating bigots. lov them. if i had to choose a few favorite songs, their most recent, answer my text is so fucking good, and c u around has.... a lot of personal meaning to me (lol s/o to the quad, miss y’all)

k.d. lang: i mean, what can i even say??? actual butch lesbian icon. her stuff is older, i personally love her album hymns of the 49th parallel for writing. if you don’t look up anybody else on this list, please at least give her cover of hallelujah a listen (and maybe check out the live versions and the remastered version.) it honestly changed my life. 

Tegan and Sara: i mean, they are the iconic lesbian duo, at least in the kinds of groups i associate with. and no, they’re not dating or married, they’re sisters. as far as i know, they’re both gay. anyways, they’re well known for the song closer, my favorites are probably boyfriend, which is explicitly gay and about not knowing where you stand with a girl and how to define your relationship, BWU, which is about loving somebody and not needing the things that people think of as defining a relationship (marriage, rings, etc.) to know that you love each other, and that being okay. also, it’s explicitly gay. but really, all of their stuff is gold.

Matt Fishel: isn’t super well-known, but he writes really good songs that are just super relatable and gay, and either happy and upbeat or angry and sad. he’s also covered a lot of songs, i think. my faves of his are radio-friendly pop song and boy meets boy.

Troye Sivan: haven’t listened to his stuff in a while, but his music is so good and he’s the king of aesthetically pleasing gay music videos. his song heaven is about being gay, and also makes me cry every time. the acoustic version of youth is highkey one of the most beautiful things i’ve ever heard, and you should really just listen to the whole album blue neighborhood.

and somehow i almost managed to forget Hayley Kiyoko: who is my actual queen, and also the queen of aesthetically pleasing gay music videos. she just came out with a new song, sleepover, and i’m pretty sure i got 378% gayer after watching that video, and also died. a lot. careful, it’s a bit explicit. maybe don’t watch in public. holy shit, all of her music is so good. she’s best known for girls like girls. but other fucking incredible songs of hers include cliff’s edge, pretty girl (my personal favorite. im so gay and this song is so relatable), ease my mind, and honestly everything else she’s ever sung.

idk why this is taking me so long lol um other lgbt songs i wld die for include all i want is to be your girl by holly miranda, i didn’t just kiss her by jen foster, only a girl by gia, don’t do boys by elektra, and.. heck i’m just gonna make a playlist, check out my playmoss for more.

ok i need to stop going into so much depth otherwise im never gonna finish this. other stuff i listen to includes

Cider Sky: light, happy, electronic-ish music about being in love. kinda reminds me of owl city. their album/ep (who knows which??) king is really good.

Against Me!: used to be anarcho-folk, now it’s angry rock abt being trans. i love laura jane grace with my entire heart. i don’t even like modern rock, and i still fall in love with their new stuff every time i hear it. i was a teenage anarchist, baby i’m an anarchist, and the untitled track from their acoustic ep are more my type, though. also, if y’all were wondering about my political views.. lol, have fun with this, i guess. capitalism is a bucketload of crap.

the Fun Home soundtrack: okay, i know, not a specific artist, but as a baby dyke, ring of keys is easily the most relatable song i’ve ever heard. it’s about being a kid and seeing a butch lesbian for the first time, and.. wow. just wow. also, changing my major is gay and beautiful and relatable and, knowing me, if i don’t hum it after having sex with a girl for the first time, something probably went wrong, bc that’s been an inside joke with my friends for ages now.

Splendor and Misery by clipping: okay, this really isn’t my type of music. i don’t know how to describe it. self-described as “an Afrofuturist, dystopian concept album that follows the sole survivor of a slave uprising on an interstellar cargo ship, and the onboard computer that falls in love with him,” it was recommended to me by a very good friend, and it’s one of the only things that can break me out of a dissociative episode.

and more, including stuff by mindy gledhill, the yuri on ice soundtrack, and lots of misc. stuff, but i’m too lazy to write the rest of it out. oh, and lullatone. they have really good stuff for studying.

[archivesdiveronarpg]

Congratulations, ALLIE! You’ve been accepted for the role of GERTRUDE. This application was truly a joy to read, Allie! We’ve been waiting for someone to come along and bring our complex mother (and captain, and lover, and adulteress) to life, so it’s safe to say that simply seeing an application for her in the inbox was a treat in itself, but your understanding of her and your attention to detail absolutely blew me away! I adored the way you depicted her as deliberate, if not a bit two-faced, in the wake of her husband’s death, and your mention of her avoidance of alcohol as a result of his excessive drinking was something even I hadn’t considered but loved so, so much. Thank you so much for applying! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within twenty-four hours.

                                                                           WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Alias | Allie

Age | 21

Preferred Pronouns | she/her

Activity Level | Very active! All my friends leave me when they go back to school, so I’m usually on daily.

Timezone | EST

In Character

Character |  Giya Godrej (Gertrude)

What drew you to this character? Every time I’d read or watch a version of Hamlet in class I would just yearn to get into Gertrude’s head! This would be the perfect chance to do so, don’t you think? Since I’m so fascinated with her I do think that I have a good grasp on her, but she’s one of those characters that can never fully be put in a box. You can’t completely condemn her or justify her as a character, and there’s so much fun gray area to play in. I can’t say enough good things about her bio and how you made her such a strong flushed out character.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? I think that Giya has such a crazy juxtaposition of denial and self awareness in her life that she’s just bound to combust eventually, or if she can overcome her guilt she’ll be able to rise to the top. (Obviously all of this will be discussed and plotted out with the other characters)

1) Giya has obviously found it hard to be around her son lately because of the guilt and how much he reminds her of his father and what she did to their family. The three musketeers. She really fucked that one up. Still, the guilt she feels is leading her to want her to be a better mother to him and make sure he turns out to be the amazing man she knows he is. There’s the possibility of her growing more and more worried and concerned by his antics, and she’ll go to any length to help the one thing in her she loves more than herself. There’s no part of her that wants to come clean about Clark right now, and she justifies keeping the secret because the truth would only hurt him. But, there’s also the possibility of him finding out about her relationship with Clark.

3) I could definitely see Giya becoming a leader/mother figure to all the younger female Montagues because she’s all about empowering women. In all honesty, I see her growing closer to all of the younger Montagues during this war and there might even be more maternal instincts that she never even knew she had kicking in. She’s already has that kind of dynamic with Odessa which I can’t wait to see developed. Giya comes off as humble, but she’s pretty freaking impressed by herself and all that she’d managed to achieve in life and there’s no way she’s not excited to bestow those lessons and tactics on someone as deserving as Odessa. She was very surprised at the interest that Odessa took in her job at first, but the younger woman is slowly proving herself to Giya.

4) I can see Giya going to Roman and/or Hector and looking for help or advice on her relationship with Hiran. Or maybe she’ll try to convince herself they’re the bad influences on him? Either way, there’s a lot of potential for her having some plot lines with these two.

5) I know that currently Gia is recovering from what happened at the Masquerade (I read the event summary and I’m assuming that’s still applicable) the attack is something that is going to set a fire under her ass and it’s not something she’s going to take sitting down. Orion better watch out.

6) Giya’s relationship with Clark could either be strengthened at this time, or turn very tumultuous. Although she’s a strong woman who doesn’t need protecting, she’d going to expect that he provides a sense of security for her and Hiran. I think a lot of their relationship is going to depend on how he handles the war. Also, there could always be a sneaking suspicion that Clark knows more about his brother’s death that he’s letting on. That would definitely lead to an existential crisis for Giya.

In Depth

What is your favorite place in Verona?

Full lips turning up in a small smile, with only the most tasteful hint of sadness, Giya let out a small, contemplative, hum. “Well I always loved being home with my two boys. It’s been hard, after everything. But I can’t stay cooped up forever. Haref would have never wanted that for me, and I have to be strong for my son.” What was she supposed to say, Clark’s apartment? A place where they could both momentarily escape the paranoia of what they were doing? In all honesty, if it wasn’t for the memory of her husband, the great man he was, and her son Giya would have no qualms about that answer. She never felt the need to explain herself to those who didn’t know her, as if they had any moral high ground to judge her from. Unfortunately, that would never be the case, of which Hiran was a constant reminder.

What does your typical day look like?

Giya was aware that she was still constantly evoking sympathy among her peers, but some quality closest to pride stopped the widow from playing into that more than she needed to. The brunette could have effortlessly turned her answer into a tearjerker, waxing poetic about her deceased husband and how much her life had changed since his passing. But why lie more than she needed to? Instead, she narrowed her piercing eyes for a few seconds to create the illusion she was thinking thoroughly before she spoke. “I’ve been spending a significant amount of time with Odessa Vernon.” Beat. The poor thing. The words Giya would never verbalize silently trailed behind her sentence. If anyone knew what it felt like being treated like a human porcelain doll with feelings more delicate than her frame, it was Odessa. “She’s turning out to be quite the impressive little spitfire, and at the risk of sounding like an old lady- she reminds me of myself at her age.”

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

Giya made a conscious effort not to light up at the question, for this was one she could answer with complete honesty. Not as grieving widow. A worried mother. A guilty adulterer. But a Montague. “You’d think they’d know better than to throw rocks and hide their hands. Then again, intelligence has never been a Capulet’s strong suit.” The triumphant smirk that didn’t grace Giya’s full lips was heavy in her voice however, she just couldn’t help herself. “It shouldn’t last long, I have great confidence in the Montagues.”

In-Character Para Sample:

Cabernet Sauvignon. Her old wine of choice. The mixture of dark fruit and even darker pepper wafted through the air and sent Giya to a time she’d never thought she’d be trying so hard to forget.

The night she drank more red wine than she thought humanly possible. Back when her precious Hiran was just a young boy, before she realized that at least one parent should set a good example and she and swore off alcohol. She was also still very much in love with Haresh. He was charismatic, magnetic, and everyone knew it. They’d taken the day to shop for sport supplies, and the two boys spent a full hour testing basketballs.  Leaning against a nearby shelf, feet sore and back cramping, Giya had made the mistake of suggesting they just pick one already. Hiran was hurt by her tone, and stormed off; inconsolable. Harsesh looked at her as if she had just told their son Santa Claus killed his favorite puppy.

When they got home that night, Giya was at the end of her rope, and that scared her. Maybe she wasn’t cut out for this whole parenting thing. It came so natural to Haresh. Everything always did. He was father of the year and she was … what? Mommie Dearest. Joan Crawford. Norma Bates.

“Mom. I was annoyed by him.” She sobbed over the phone, mascara sliding down to her wine stained lips. “I was annoyed by my baby.” What that she heard on the other line? Static? A fucking laugh? The woman who she hardly spoke so candidly to actually had the nerve to. A quick reminder why she hardly ever called home. Giya thought she was broken as a mother, and this was funny to her? “That’s going to happen sweetie, it doesn’t mean you love him any less.” She was right about her daughter’s love for her grandson, and Giya would never stop striving to put his happiness before hers. Maybe it wasn’t something that came naturally, but she never stopped hoping it would be. Unfortunately the same couldn’t be said for Haresh.

Something inside Giya clenched at the thought, rendering her speechless for a moment. “It smells lovely, dear. But I’ll just have a water with lemon.” Her smile might have been tighter than it needed to be. Still, the novice bartender took the sample glass out from underneath her nose and granted her the peace and quiet she desired. No longer feeling obligated to sniff the new house wine, Giya turned her attention back to her phone. She resented not being able to work with Damiano in person, but she was still considered to be too fragile for anything but the occasional catch up email. She itched to be back at her head boss’s side, and was growing weary of chasing away all the questions she had regarding appropriate mourning procedures. Then again, she had nothing to prove to herself. She mourned the loss of her husband, but knew that he’d want her to carry on as the strong asset she was to the Montagues.

Extras: www.giyasinspo.tumblr.com

1) Giya was able to shed most everything from her life pre-riches, except for the fact that she popped out of her mother’s womb cursing like a sailor. Poise wasn’t exactly the first lesson taught in her household, it was something she realized she had to teach herself. Usually skilled at catching herself in front of other people, she acts properly mortified and apologetic when a curse slips once a blue moon. It’s the one thing about her that hints at her not so pristine upbringing, and she hates it but can’t shake the habit.

2) She’s a Virgo, and has always been very competitive when it came to the odd board game here and there. Still, she doesn’t even like to show that side of her, she keeps her emotions close to her chest.

3) Deciding that her husband was doing enough drinking for the both of them, she only has the odd glass of white wine here and there. Mostly when she’s with Clark, but lately his drinking has been irking her more than usual.

[entireoranges]

Its good but not their best

I accidentally watched all of season 3 in one day. In my defense I woke up around 7am and didn't leave for work until 11; and I was able to watch two on lunch/break. Plus I had no idea it was only 9 episodes. I decided not to read ahead for the episode descriptions. A few thoughts. Likely random as hell and full of spoilers.

It's been many years since I was in school, longer for summer school (yes I went but not during hs) so maybe things have changed and different districts have different rules but I found it very unbelievable to summer school starts on the first day of summer vacation. You get a few weeks to unwind before thrown back into school. And also DJ won't keep it a secret from Jackson, she won't be scared of his reaction.

I almost wish Stephanie wasn't itching to be a mom and she was 100% at peace at not having kids. A lot of women can love kids and be happy/feel complete not having kids. It would be nice if she represented those ladies and took a stand and told Becky (and everyone else) that she doesn't want kids, no ands ifs or buts. But instead the show is making it seem like Stephanie is less than a woman for questioning if she wants to do it. Though her reason was financially and nothing else. If I recall correctly in season 1 and 2 when mentioned she couldn't have kids yeah she seemed sad but I got a sense of she was ultimately alright with it; so this season I didn't think her change of heart fit. Nor did Becky have a right to push the issue.

Everyone (well nearly) is pushing/wanting Jackson and Romana to pair up. Its cute, however I think Jackson and Rocki would be better. Just because Gia hates the Tanner's...though I can't recall the complete history there. Plus if Jimmy and Stephanie do have a baby that'll be the Gibbler/Tanner hybrid if you will.

Fernando was twenty times more annoying.

Your telling me neither Kimmy or Jimmy have seen their parents in over 17 years and they no idea they have a grandchild? A part of me was hoping Mr. and Mrs. Gibbler would be totally normal, like button up normal almost putting Danny Tanner to shame. But it seems they are just as nuts as their children.

I realize he's just a dog, but something about Cosmo bugs me...he's not a good doggie actor. LOL God I really feel silly saying that!

I don't like discussing the sexuality of children but I'm curious...is the show hinting Max might be gay, bisexual, or heck anything other than 100% heterosexual? I see signs, but he's a lot like Danny and Danny is 100% heterosexual (though I am sure in some fan fictions he isn't) This show is too clean and innocent to do it but it would be awesome if Max did like boys to some degree and the show addressed. Yeah I know they had girl/girl kiss(es?) and gay characters but a child is a whole different thing.

Why did they drop Danny having a wife and make it seem like girls didn’t like her? I didn’t get that feeling in the previous seasons. My only guess is viewing audiences didn’t like it..so the show runners dropped it?

Joey won't have kids that fucking spoiled. I nearly cheered out loud in the breakroom when he admitted he knew they were horrible brats. Though I have heard older parents can be more lenient on behavior, so perhaps in a way its not too out of character? God all I know is a grinch when the Gladstone kids appear.

In sitcoms I realize some reality is suspended but that shit on the plane I wanted to pull my hair out!

Stephanie (and I suppose DJ) would have caught with the shampoo bottles of wine.

DJ won't be able to take Matt's basket on the plane (at least not the food).

Max couldn't simply claim he was dying and was an unaccompied minor.

No amount of crying or sob stories could get you in first class.

Jimmy was able to buy a one way ticket to Japan minutes before it was scheduled to leave?!

Jimmy was gonna get off the flight and get a refund?!

I have never flown to Japan but I'm thinking they'd fill up the flight making the above impossible and also there won't be a free seat next to Kimmy and Stephanie. Or for Max.

The ultimate question... Team Matt or Team Steve? Team Steve. Matt is cute and not bad with DJ but I get the feeling they have to force the chemistry, almost as if they're trying too hard. While Steve and DJ just have it even when they try yo downplay it. I don't see Steve marrying CJ knowing how DJ feels but I also don't see him and DJ getting together immediately...

That's all I can think of...for now!

[blondeandbubblyent-blog]

blonde & bubbly : 10.29

in this episode: a recap of the hills at the one year mark and the most recent awards

sabine: hello and welcome to very first episode of blonde and bubbly! i’m sabine al-masri and i’m here with my lovely cohost, business partner, and beautiful fellow blonde madison ware.

madi: hi everyone! Like Sabine just said, I’m madison and i’m so excited to be here today and chat with you guys today! For the very first episode of our new podcast we’re going to do a little recap of everything that happened to past year on the show, to celebrate the one year anniversary of the reboot! 

sabine: so since i have only been here since june, madi will cover the first half of the hills and i will cover the second, so madi, the floor is yours. also, today’s podcast is sponsored by veuve clicquot, madi and i will be opening and drinking a nice bottle of 2008 vintage brut rose on today’s airing.

madi: thank you peach! so when the reboot of the show started back in november 2016, there was a completely different atmosphere if i can say so. A lot of the first cast members left, i think there less than ten original members left? Kazi got with Mia in december and Finn was with a girl named Kate. The first couple of the show were Brenda and Miguel, i cant exactly remember if they got together at her iconic birthday party or not. Miguel was such a funny guy, he always had jokes and was nice to see on the timeline. They’re both parents now. A few weeks later came Sonny, Quentin and Noemi, some of the most appreciated cast members here. Then Sawyer,Sabrina, Xavier and Thomas. Thomas and I rapidly got close and became best friends, although people always said we had a thing and were dating, which was not true. we were also in a sorta triangle love type of thing. at the time i was helping a friend, named kai, who needed a fake girlfriend. so of course i said id do it and pretend to be with him and all. but i was very close to thomas, and everyone could see it. they thought i was cheating on kai with thomas, sawyer even came at me for this, i remember it perfectly. then kai left and thomas’ kid was born and he got with riley. i had this thing with a guy named reese, but he was always fighting with everyone on the timeline and never actually happy? i remember nobody understood what i liked in him. He was actually a very nice guy, but had definitely a lot of issues. 

sabine: and for the second half of the hills recap, i have a shit memory so i’ll be using things from gossip as highlights. i don’t remember much from the beginning of my time here, but there was that raf, kai, bella drama i remember. that love triangle. that was kana was a huge player too, and him and erin had their drama. sawyer was with aiden, yaya and carina were that on and off thing. 

madi: then summer came along and we got a lot of new people, including toni, aries & adrian. a lot of the old problematic cast left, thank god. things were rather calm at that moment. I think just a few weeks before that i broke up with reese and then we almost got officially back together but he cheated on me with one of my friends, so i was having kind of a rough time. but i got back on my feet and traveled and forgot about him. 

sabine: It was  also around that time that Antigone joined the show, right? funny story here, we used to be friends and then i hated her and now we’re the best of friends again. i didn’t like her “married men” phase and not a lot of people did either, i remember she got a lot of shit for it. larkin was a cry baby back then and so was astraea. some anon i remember called atlas and jinyoung from the start so congrats to that anon. i never knew that erin was pregnant with kana’s baby, was that true?

madi: Acutally i still dont know if this is true or not!

sabine: there was that huge baby fever eruption over the summer and people had those stupid rumors about kazi cheating on mia. can i just say? to anyone who thinks kazi and mia would ever cheat on each other? you’re an idiot. oh, elijah got mugged right? that was wild.

madi: the cheating rumors have been here since the start and they’re just..pathetic. It’s sad to think that someone spent a year sending those to a gossip. and it’s so sad to see two of your close friends go through that.  i also forgot to mention, the golden couple had their wedding back in july. it was a beautiful ceremony, however, like at every events on this show, someone acted like a fool and made it all about them. that someone? is crazy astronaut girl. yes, astraea. i think she broke her hand at the reception then wouldnt stop complaining about it. she was probably in a fight with blayze.

sabine: he has a thing with astraea! she was literally in love with him. dean and barbie were together at that point. i think thomas and i were dating at this point too, it was kind of on and off around the time of the wedding. okay here’s another anon i want to point out. “who the fuck is libby and why do people like her”. to answer that libby is an amazing human being and people don’t like her, they love her. javon and naomi were a thing. jagger and thorne became athing. sofia and finn were a thing. antigone and raf had their beef.

madi: astraea was obsessed with blayze and with the idea of having a boyfriend really. there were a lot of couples at that time, and they all broke up a few weeks later. 

sabine: and this part is gold, when asked who the cutest couples were, gossip responded “gia & fitz, aiden & sawyer, finn & sofia.” that just shows you how far we’ve traveled. and people thought bryce was some kind of casanova who went around breaking hearts for fun, which couldn’t be further from the truth. a few weeks later aries and toni got together and stayed together for a while, until she broke things off. another bashir joined the show too, Abel. he and sabrina immediately got into a relationships. around the same time or so, antigone and adrian had broken up, again. and missy joined the show. she had a thing with him, and sadly left because she didnt feel welcomed. 

madi: then fall came along and some people from the past came back, like effy, cyrus and sofia. and this is where im going to stop the recap, because if you’ve watched a few recent episodes of the show, you know what happened. if you havent, you can always watch them all online on mtv’s website! 

sabine: and now moving on to last night’s awards, there are some that i saw and was like bullshit, you know? what did you think mads?

madi: i think the reactions we inevitable! i kinda expected them and thought i wouldnt be surprised by the results of the votes, but i was. 

sabine: the first award that kind of threw me off guard was the most under appreciated one, i don’t know how rallo weaseled his way in there but i don’t think he should have placed. i mean if people really got to know him the way i have, i would say there’s not much to appreciate.

madi: really? i love rallo, he’s one of my best friends. he knows literally everything about me. i didnt expect people to vote for him tho, but im actually happy they did. i see a lot of his tweets that arent about his idiotic musicallys get unanswered and it angers me. i hate when people here ignore others. 

sabine: for cutest couple, i would have placed q, sonny and noemi in first place. they’ve just always been constant and loving and i don’t think, as far as i can remember, them having issues. so i think they should have at least tied for first, or been first.

madi: i think it wasnt a surpise that mia and kazi won. what i was surprised to see tho is that antigone and adrian won, seeing by the anons on the gossip i never knew people really thought they were cute or so. it’s nice to see them top a couple like mazi. i also completely agree with what you said on quentin, noemi and sonny, we love an unproblematic couple. to be honest, i hate to pick between couples, i feel like im always betraying one of my friends, am i the only one? probably.

sabine: here is what pissed me off the most, the cutest couple that never was. adrian and toni, me and kazi, and fitz and gia. i don’t know why any of those recieved votes or the votes that they did, but whoever voted for those hasn’t been paying attention. adrian and toni for starters, aren’t close like they used to be, so maybe a couple months ago they would’ve actually made a “cute” couple but now, no way. me and kazi, are just friends, i’ve said before he’s like a cousin to me. and fitz and gia were a couple weren’t they? or am i wrong?

madi: well first of all, adrian and toni were never a couple i believe so? just like kazi and you, right? a troll sent yall names and people just decided to go for you guys. as for fitz and gia, they were together for a long time and were very cute, so i understand why some people voted for them. 

sabine: well that’s a wrap on our very first podcast. thank you so much for tuning in, and next week we’ll have a special guest joining us. madi, will you sign us off?

madi: it would be an honor! thank you everyone for listening to us! i hope to see you all during the press tour, we’re madison & sabine from the hills, blonde and had too much bubbly so it’s time to say goodbye and we’ll see you next time! 

[apsbicepstraining]

Real Homemakers Of New Jersey Recap: Returning HGTV A Run For Their Money

Another weekend get, another occurrence of. Maybe thats why I dislike on this show so much It represents my ass having to wake up and go to work. Or maybe its because no ones hollered prostitution whore or been indicted of any misdemeanours this season. They really did give the bar a bit high-pitched. But whatever. This is what weve went. At least it got more exciting last week. Preserve it up, Jerseyans. And yes, thats what theyre called. I Googled it.

We kick shit off at Dolores house and continues to be revamping. I feel like this is going to be a season-long happening. D goes pissed because Frank decided to merely resurface the cabinets instead of gutting the whole kitchen. Why tf does your ex husband get a say in this? This is your fucking house. Your relationship, I guess.

D and Siggy head to Jacquelines house and Im gambling my resources of the fund theyre gonna talk about the semi-fight that went down between her and Tre last chapter. Disturbance of the fucking centuryIm right. What else is new?

Jacqueline rehashes the whole oppose in a singer thats almost as exasperating as Teresas, which is mind-blowing in and of itself. Bravo starts doing that act where they proceed from backward and forward between the families and between this and the shrieking expression and my glass of Whispering Angel, I find a migraine coming on. Thanks, Andy Cohen. Melissa is telling her caveman spouse that Jacqueline was out of path for trying to pit him against his own sister, and I agree. So theyre gonna get lunch to discuss.

Over at Teresas, shes still doing yoga. We fucking get wise already. Youre fit and Zen post-lockup. Side memorandum: Are those cheetah print sheets on their ruler couch? Jesus fucking Christ. I say this every episode but the Jersey-ness is reaching me nauseated. Back to the chapter Its a big day at the Giudice house. Tre gets to take her ankle bracelet off. Mazel tov! I couldnt relate to these beings less if I tried.

Its time for Jacqueline and Melissas lunch. Obstruct the drama coming. They dive right into it. I entail damn. Jacqueline is like screaming in this restaurant rn.

Jacqueline: I dont got to go to you to talk to your partner. Ima go straight to the source. Ive done so much for your family!

Have you? I dont really recollect, tbh. But thats not resounding any bells. Melissas exactly kinda like what-the fuck-ever. And thats all. Seemed real abrupt if you ask me, but this ros might be getting to my head.

I can tell were going to Siggys house because theres some Jewish marry music playing after a commercial shatter and Sigs is the only non-Italian Jew on this display. Subtle, Bravo. Sigs house is immaculate. Not even a hint of leopard. Can we just movie all of the incidents here instead of the rest of these gaudy-ass rooms? Her mothers been demonstrated and start talking about their heritage and Siggys bratty children. Ugh I forgot about them. The hires intimate Jewish traditions to deliver their own families back together. Its worth a shot I suppose.

At Jacquelines, Ashlee and her boyfriend are over for dinner. They talk about living together and the convo returns to marriage and pregnancy so naturally BF looks like hes about to fucking shaft. Jacqueline attracts him aside like its an episode of The Bachelor. He wants to take Jacqueline to help him pick out an engagement resound, which is sweet. Im glad Ashlee went her shit together. It was touch and go there for a bit while. You did it!

Melissa and Joe Gorga head to Tres for dinner. Teresa says she wants an edamamelike, one singular edamame? Returns out, she intends an enema. LOL. Words are hard. Theyre there for about two fucking seconds before we start talking back the Teresa and Jacqueline argument. Goddamn, yall are some petty bitches. Move on. It wasnt even a big deal. There are much bigger things to worry about. Such as going to prison and shit.

Meanwhile, Dolores is still renovating her home. Since when did this become HGTV? Frank shows up, and I feel like D hangs out with her ex a lot more than whats ordinary. I get it. They have minors. But like, does he have a fucking dwelling? Hes literally always there. But fine. Dolores wants to knock cold a wall, which, after hours of watching this afternoon, I fully support. It certainly opens up the room. Frank tones a bitch fit for a sec because thats gonna get expensive, but then caves. That a path, D.

Siggy took her parents advice and emcees Kiddish at her house in is making an effort to constitute her kids less asshole-y. Ive got high hopes, but low-toned expectations.

Zen Tre ends shes also Dr. Tre and hosts a care conference where everyone in the fam writes down their love. This ought to be good. I cant imagine Joe is too good with texts, but I dont wanna stereotype. It backfires when Milania puts her parents on blast.

Milania : I dont like it when my dad announces me fat, specially since hes fat af too. Mom doesnt get me. She never listens to me because shes ever on her phone.

Damn. Parents of the fucking time over here. Youd conclude after being away from your girls for a year, youd wanna coldnes with them. But like, I bet you missed Twitter very, so I get it. Gia pretty much says the same shit, except “shes been” tells her mama she overreacts, to which, Teresa shockingly overreacts.

Were back at Siggys and, despite Kiddish, her girls are still little shits. Cast them down to Georgia, Sigs. An hour with my grandparents and theyll be fucking angels.

Its Milanias bday so in true Jersey fashion, they get a pink Hummer limo. They go to this residence announced iFly where gust gusts acquire you pilot or something. Idk. I dont enjoy any kind of physical pleasure besides wine tastings, so it consider this to be my worst fucking nightmare, but the girls look like theyre having fun. Teresas phone is nowhere in sight, for the record.

Jacqueline and BF travel echoing store and have a really emotional discussion. Couldnt yall have done this in the car on the way over instead of in the actual accumulate? No? Okay. We get a montage to seeing how cruel Ashlee was as a teen. Ahhh, the very best ole days.

Were back at iFly, and Milania is talking about her 11 th bday and Joe starts to rip up because he wont be there. This actually realizes me so sad. I mean, hes supposed to be in prison for like four years. Thats a long fucking time when you have young children. Damn it. Im hollering again. Is it precisely me or is this franchise way sadder than the other Housewives?

But why stop there? Makes check in on Dolores croaking puppy while were at it. Bethenny must be free to get in with the Jersey ladies so I can chuckle a little. We gotta lighten this shit up. Lastly the sadness discontinues because Sigs and Jacqueline come over to do some demo. Its probs a good way for them to get out some of that Jersey anger. D gets a entitle from Maz, whos still pissed because she is still not going to work at their piece of shit gym. I dont think she gets how positions extend, but what do I know?

Melissa and Tre are having some tea and is about to change Sigs, D, and Melissa have been scheduling a girls weekend. Fuck. Yes. Girls weekends= wine-coloured and arguings. Teresas on the fence but not really because shes contractually obliged to go to this shit so she agrees. Whats the over/ under on how many times well ensure Teresa doing downward bird-dog and other fitness shit this trip-up?

The next day, Teresa goes her book in the mail. She speaks the dedication she wrote to her daughters while lying on her leopard membranes. We get it, Tre. You love your daughters. Just not as much as your phone.

Her and Joe then start talking about the disagreement with Jacqueline again, and would you look at that? My bottle of wine-coloured is drain right as the escapade objective. Until next week

div.body_middle_part_right. bodypart: nth-child( n +2 ), a.prevBody exhibition: none ;

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[pacifirim]

This is mostly for me bc I like making lists ahhh. It keeps me grounded when I’m panicking

Anyway

Below the cut are some movie recs

Horror:

The Strangers (home invasion)

Insidious franchise (possession and shit)

The Conjuring franchise (possession and shit and also creepy dolls)

Before I Wake (a kid’s dreams and nightmares manifest in real life)

V/H/S franchise (found footage films. they’re like. several short films all put together with a sort of overarching story)

The Descent (a bunch of kickass ladies go spelunking and it goes Badly)

Phoenix Forgotten (found footage film about kids researching aliens after a sighting)

The Women in Black (if u see this lady a child dies. this one fucked me up a little bit)

Mama (more of a dark fairytale. two little girls get abandoned in this cabin in the woods and taken care of by an entity called “Mama”. When they get found Mama comes with them)

Oculus (haunted mirror. this one also fucked me up)

The Boy (haunted doll movie With A Twist)

The Blair Witch Project (The (tm) found footage film. Three people go into the woods to find The Blair Witch after interviewing some locals. Shit gets bad for them. It has a lot of build up and is mostly based on atmosphere and the reactions they have to things)

Silent Hill and Silent Hill: Revelation (Cool monsters, u probably know the gist of what Silent Hill is)

Alien Abduction (found footage, has a canonical autistic character)

Crimson Peak (a girl falls in love with a creepy dude and goes with him and his sister to live in a creepy mansion. things are creepy.)

The Inkeepers (haunted hotel)

Lo (a guy finds out his gf is a demon when she leaves him so he summons a demon to ask questions and try to get her back. v lowkey, mostly them talking. v v funny)

Shaun of the Dead (not even really horror but its zombies so. its a zombie parody thing and its v funny)

The Fly (body horror galore. a dude gets merged with fuckin fly dna and starts turning into a human fly man its gross af)

Re: Animator (a guy wants to find the cure for death. wacky body horror)

Dead Silence (creepy puppets. fucked me up)

IT (the original one and the new one. i just love the characters a lot)

The Good Neighbor (two teens put cameras in their “”creepy”” old man neighbors house to watch him)

Sci Fi:

Pacific Rim (the best. giant two person controlled robots vs giant sea monster aliens. great characters)

Flatliners (the old one bc i havent seen the new one. these people fuckin flatline so they can see what death is like and then revive themselves. they bring shit back from beyond with them)

Source Code (This dude wakes up in a simulation and he has to do the same scenario over and over until he figures out how to solve a crime)

Primer (time travel. known for being p confusing)

Sunshine (people on a spaceship looking to fix the sun bc its being shit)

Project Almanac (found footage. teens find a time machine. everyone hates on this movie but fuck u i like it)

Womb (weird and gross and definitely not for everyone. its about cloning and this lady clones her lover after he dies and um. has to give birth to him and raise him)

A.I Artificial Intelligence (about a little boy robot who gets given to this family who’s son is. not doing great. its mega sad and makes me wanna die)

Repo! The Genetic Opera (a sci fi musical about a world where if u dont pay back this company for ur organ transplants (which everybody fuckin needs) they’ll send a repo man to tear them out of ur body)

Safety Not Guarenteed (lowkey sci fi. this dude puts an ad in the paper asking for someone to time travel with and these journalists check it out. its sort of a het romance thing? But an actual not shit one)

Inception (these people go into the dream worlds of other people and theres lots of layers of dream and its wild. i love this movie)

Moon (a dude is stuck on the moon bc of his job. he starts havin a not so great time but theres a cool robot)

Gattaca (cool sci fi movie about genetics and shit!)

TiMER (this is a movie Literally about those fucking timers that countdown to when you meat ur soulmate. i love it)

The Abyss (underwater sea monster! people trapped in a submarine thing!)

Time Lapse (three roommates find a camera that takes pictures of how an area will look in the future, pointed towards their window. they use it to their advantage and things go Wrong)

Comedy

50/50 (based on a true story that happened to? the director i think. a dude gets a type of cancer that theres a 50% chance of surviving. its a comedy bc of the banter between him and his best friend but it made me cry)

The Watch (alien move. the neighborhood watch vs aliens that die when u shoot them in the dick)

The Pacifier (buff agent dude has to watch after a family of kids)

As it turns out i only have these three bc comedy is my least favorite genre rip

Drama

Room (a girl was kidnapped as a teenager and has lived in captivity for years, even birthing a son with her captor. this movie is about her and her son trying to escape. v like. bittersweet)

Hard Candy (could probably go under horror, too. a 14 year old girl lures a pedo and then tortures him)

The Skeleton Twins (two twins almost commit suicide on the same day after not seeing each other for years. the brother ends up in the hospital and then has to live with his sister and her husband? fiance? I love this movie and the brother is gay and its so so heartwarming and funny and sad)

A Long Way Down (four? five? people meet on a roof bc they were all gonna kill themselves. but instead they talk each other down and become friends)

In Inevitable Defeat of Mister and Pete (two little boys end up on their own to avoid foster care after their mothers get taken to jail)

Martha Marcy May Marlene (a girl escapes a cult but has trauma flashbacks as she stays with her sister)

LGBT

Velvet Goldmine (about a bisexual glam rock star. he has a relationship w both a man and a women in it. has another gay main character and several bi ones)

Mysterious Skin (super sad and not for everyone. about two little boys who were sexually abused by the same man but grew up to cope in different ways. one becomes a prostitute for older men and the other thinks he was abducted by aliens bc he cant remember anything about it)

Gia (about a real model who died from aids. shes bisexual and is in love with a women in this)

A Single Man (a man’s boyfriend (basically husband but they couldnt get married) died and he wants to kill himself. the movie chronicles his day and the people he meets and talks to that help him. it ruined my life)

Latter Days (basically a gay romcom. a gay man flirts with andfalls in love with a Morman man who has trouble accepting his own sexuality bc of his religion. def not all happy fun times)

Any Day Now (a gay couple tries to adopt a neglected little boy with down’s syndrome)

The Way He Looks (absolutely adorable. about a blind boy who falls in love with another boy, one of his close friends, from school)

Carol (a masterpiece, a girl falls in love with a beautiful woman in an unhappy marriage with a man. not as sad as it sounds, though it is...turbulent in some parts)

D.E.B.S (goofy lesbian romcom about teenage girl crime fighters and one who falls in love with a notorious criminal)

[apsbicepstraining]

Real Homemakers Of New Jersey Recap: Returning HGTV A Run For Their Money

Another weekend get, another occurrence of. Maybe thats why I dislike on this show so much It represents my ass having to wake up and go to work. Or maybe its because no ones hollered prostitution whore or been indicted of any misdemeanours this season. They really did give the bar a bit high-pitched. But whatever. This is what weve went. At least it got more exciting last week. Preserve it up, Jerseyans. And yes, thats what theyre called. I Googled it.

We kick shit off at Dolores house and continues to be revamping. I feel like this is going to be a season-long happening. D goes pissed because Frank decided to merely resurface the cabinets instead of gutting the whole kitchen. Why tf does your ex husband get a say in this? This is your fucking house. Your relationship, I guess.

D and Siggy head to Jacquelines house and Im gambling my resources of the fund theyre gonna talk about the semi-fight that went down between her and Tre last chapter. Disturbance of the fucking centuryIm right. What else is new?

Jacqueline rehashes the whole oppose in a singer thats almost as exasperating as Teresas, which is mind-blowing in and of itself. Bravo starts doing that act where they proceed from backward and forward between the families and between this and the shrieking expression and my glass of Whispering Angel, I find a migraine coming on. Thanks, Andy Cohen. Melissa is telling her caveman spouse that Jacqueline was out of path for trying to pit him against his own sister, and I agree. So theyre gonna get lunch to discuss.

Over at Teresas, shes still doing yoga. We fucking get wise already. Youre fit and Zen post-lockup. Side memorandum: Are those cheetah print sheets on their ruler couch? Jesus fucking Christ. I say this every episode but the Jersey-ness is reaching me nauseated. Back to the chapter Its a big day at the Giudice house. Tre gets to take her ankle bracelet off. Mazel tov! I couldnt relate to these beings less if I tried.

Its time for Jacqueline and Melissas lunch. Obstruct the drama coming. They dive right into it. I entail damn. Jacqueline is like screaming in this restaurant rn.

Jacqueline: I dont got to go to you to talk to your partner. Ima go straight to the source. Ive done so much for your family!

Have you? I dont really recollect, tbh. But thats not resounding any bells. Melissas exactly kinda like what-the fuck-ever. And thats all. Seemed real abrupt if you ask me, but this ros might be getting to my head.

I can tell were going to Siggys house because theres some Jewish marry music playing after a commercial shatter and Sigs is the only non-Italian Jew on this display. Subtle, Bravo. Sigs house is immaculate. Not even a hint of leopard. Can we just movie all of the incidents here instead of the rest of these gaudy-ass rooms? Her mothers been demonstrated and start talking about their heritage and Siggys bratty children. Ugh I forgot about them. The hires intimate Jewish traditions to deliver their own families back together. Its worth a shot I suppose.

At Jacquelines, Ashlee and her boyfriend are over for dinner. They talk about living together and the convo returns to marriage and pregnancy so naturally BF looks like hes about to fucking shaft. Jacqueline attracts him aside like its an episode of The Bachelor. He wants to take Jacqueline to help him pick out an engagement resound, which is sweet. Im glad Ashlee went her shit together. It was touch and go there for a bit while. You did it!

Melissa and Joe Gorga head to Tres for dinner. Teresa says she wants an edamamelike, one singular edamame? Returns out, she intends an enema. LOL. Words are hard. Theyre there for about two fucking seconds before we start talking back the Teresa and Jacqueline argument. Goddamn, yall are some petty bitches. Move on. It wasnt even a big deal. There are much bigger things to worry about. Such as going to prison and shit.

Meanwhile, Dolores is still renovating her home. Since when did this become HGTV? Frank shows up, and I feel like D hangs out with her ex a lot more than whats ordinary. I get it. They have minors. But like, does he have a fucking dwelling? Hes literally always there. But fine. Dolores wants to knock cold a wall, which, after hours of watching this afternoon, I fully support. It certainly opens up the room. Frank tones a bitch fit for a sec because thats gonna get expensive, but then caves. That a path, D.

Siggy took her parents advice and emcees Kiddish at her house in is making an effort to constitute her kids less asshole-y. Ive got high hopes, but low-toned expectations.

Zen Tre ends shes also Dr. Tre and hosts a care conference where everyone in the fam writes down their love. This ought to be good. I cant imagine Joe is too good with texts, but I dont wanna stereotype. It backfires when Milania puts her parents on blast.

Milania : I dont like it when my dad announces me fat, specially since hes fat af too. Mom doesnt get me. She never listens to me because shes ever on her phone.

Damn. Parents of the fucking time over here. Youd conclude after being away from your girls for a year, youd wanna coldnes with them. But like, I bet you missed Twitter very, so I get it. Gia pretty much says the same shit, except “shes been” tells her mama she overreacts, to which, Teresa shockingly overreacts.

Were back at Siggys and, despite Kiddish, her girls are still little shits. Cast them down to Georgia, Sigs. An hour with my grandparents and theyll be fucking angels.

Its Milanias bday so in true Jersey fashion, they get a pink Hummer limo. They go to this residence announced iFly where gust gusts acquire you pilot or something. Idk. I dont enjoy any kind of physical pleasure besides wine tastings, so it consider this to be my worst fucking nightmare, but the girls look like theyre having fun. Teresas phone is nowhere in sight, for the record.

Jacqueline and BF travel echoing store and have a really emotional discussion. Couldnt yall have done this in the car on the way over instead of in the actual accumulate? No? Okay. We get a montage to seeing how cruel Ashlee was as a teen. Ahhh, the very best ole days.

Were back at iFly, and Milania is talking about her 11 th bday and Joe starts to rip up because he wont be there. This actually realizes me so sad. I mean, hes supposed to be in prison for like four years. Thats a long fucking time when you have young children. Damn it. Im hollering again. Is it precisely me or is this franchise way sadder than the other Housewives?

But why stop there? Makes check in on Dolores croaking puppy while were at it. Bethenny must be free to get in with the Jersey ladies so I can chuckle a little. We gotta lighten this shit up. Lastly the sadness discontinues because Sigs and Jacqueline come over to do some demo. Its probs a good way for them to get out some of that Jersey anger. D gets a entitle from Maz, whos still pissed because she is still not going to work at their piece of shit gym. I dont think she gets how positions extend, but what do I know?

Melissa and Tre are having some tea and is about to change Sigs, D, and Melissa have been scheduling a girls weekend. Fuck. Yes. Girls weekends= wine-coloured and arguings. Teresas on the fence but not really because shes contractually obliged to go to this shit so she agrees. Whats the over/ under on how many times well ensure Teresa doing downward bird-dog and other fitness shit this trip-up?

The next day, Teresa goes her book in the mail. She speaks the dedication she wrote to her daughters while lying on her leopard membranes. We get it, Tre. You love your daughters. Just not as much as your phone.

Her and Joe then start talking about the disagreement with Jacqueline again, and would you look at that? My bottle of wine-coloured is drain right as the escapade objective. Until next week

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[apsbicepstraining]

Real Homemakers Of New Jersey Recap: Returning HGTV A Run For Their Money

Another weekend get, another occurrence of. Maybe thats why I dislike on this show so much It represents my ass having to wake up and go to work. Or maybe its because no ones hollered prostitution whore or been indicted of any misdemeanours this season. They really did give the bar a bit high-pitched. But whatever. This is what weve went. At least it got more exciting last week. Preserve it up, Jerseyans. And yes, thats what theyre called. I Googled it.

We kick shit off at Dolores house and continues to be revamping. I feel like this is going to be a season-long happening. D goes pissed because Frank decided to merely resurface the cabinets instead of gutting the whole kitchen. Why tf does your ex husband get a say in this? This is your fucking house. Your relationship, I guess.

D and Siggy head to Jacquelines house and Im gambling my resources of the fund theyre gonna talk about the semi-fight that went down between her and Tre last chapter. Disturbance of the fucking centuryIm right. What else is new?

Jacqueline rehashes the whole oppose in a singer thats almost as exasperating as Teresas, which is mind-blowing in and of itself. Bravo starts doing that act where they proceed from backward and forward between the families and between this and the shrieking expression and my glass of Whispering Angel, I find a migraine coming on. Thanks, Andy Cohen. Melissa is telling her caveman spouse that Jacqueline was out of path for trying to pit him against his own sister, and I agree. So theyre gonna get lunch to discuss.

Over at Teresas, shes still doing yoga. We fucking get wise already. Youre fit and Zen post-lockup. Side memorandum: Are those cheetah print sheets on their ruler couch? Jesus fucking Christ. I say this every episode but the Jersey-ness is reaching me nauseated. Back to the chapter Its a big day at the Giudice house. Tre gets to take her ankle bracelet off. Mazel tov! I couldnt relate to these beings less if I tried.

Its time for Jacqueline and Melissas lunch. Obstruct the drama coming. They dive right into it. I entail damn. Jacqueline is like screaming in this restaurant rn.

Jacqueline: I dont got to go to you to talk to your partner. Ima go straight to the source. Ive done so much for your family!

Have you? I dont really recollect, tbh. But thats not resounding any bells. Melissas exactly kinda like what-the fuck-ever. And thats all. Seemed real abrupt if you ask me, but this ros might be getting to my head.

I can tell were going to Siggys house because theres some Jewish marry music playing after a commercial shatter and Sigs is the only non-Italian Jew on this display. Subtle, Bravo. Sigs house is immaculate. Not even a hint of leopard. Can we just movie all of the incidents here instead of the rest of these gaudy-ass rooms? Her mothers been demonstrated and start talking about their heritage and Siggys bratty children. Ugh I forgot about them. The hires intimate Jewish traditions to deliver their own families back together. Its worth a shot I suppose.

At Jacquelines, Ashlee and her boyfriend are over for dinner. They talk about living together and the convo returns to marriage and pregnancy so naturally BF looks like hes about to fucking shaft. Jacqueline attracts him aside like its an episode of The Bachelor. He wants to take Jacqueline to help him pick out an engagement resound, which is sweet. Im glad Ashlee went her shit together. It was touch and go there for a bit while. You did it!

Melissa and Joe Gorga head to Tres for dinner. Teresa says she wants an edamamelike, one singular edamame? Returns out, she intends an enema. LOL. Words are hard. Theyre there for about two fucking seconds before we start talking back the Teresa and Jacqueline argument. Goddamn, yall are some petty bitches. Move on. It wasnt even a big deal. There are much bigger things to worry about. Such as going to prison and shit.

Meanwhile, Dolores is still renovating her home. Since when did this become HGTV? Frank shows up, and I feel like D hangs out with her ex a lot more than whats ordinary. I get it. They have minors. But like, does he have a fucking dwelling? Hes literally always there. But fine. Dolores wants to knock cold a wall, which, after hours of watching this afternoon, I fully support. It certainly opens up the room. Frank tones a bitch fit for a sec because thats gonna get expensive, but then caves. That a path, D.

Siggy took her parents advice and emcees Kiddish at her house in is making an effort to constitute her kids less asshole-y. Ive got high hopes, but low-toned expectations.

Zen Tre ends shes also Dr. Tre and hosts a care conference where everyone in the fam writes down their love. This ought to be good. I cant imagine Joe is too good with texts, but I dont wanna stereotype. It backfires when Milania puts her parents on blast.

Milania : I dont like it when my dad announces me fat, specially since hes fat af too. Mom doesnt get me. She never listens to me because shes ever on her phone.

Damn. Parents of the fucking time over here. Youd conclude after being away from your girls for a year, youd wanna coldnes with them. But like, I bet you missed Twitter very, so I get it. Gia pretty much says the same shit, except “shes been” tells her mama she overreacts, to which, Teresa shockingly overreacts.

Were back at Siggys and, despite Kiddish, her girls are still little shits. Cast them down to Georgia, Sigs. An hour with my grandparents and theyll be fucking angels.

Its Milanias bday so in true Jersey fashion, they get a pink Hummer limo. They go to this residence announced iFly where gust gusts acquire you pilot or something. Idk. I dont enjoy any kind of physical pleasure besides wine tastings, so it consider this to be my worst fucking nightmare, but the girls look like theyre having fun. Teresas phone is nowhere in sight, for the record.

Jacqueline and BF travel echoing store and have a really emotional discussion. Couldnt yall have done this in the car on the way over instead of in the actual accumulate? No? Okay. We get a montage to seeing how cruel Ashlee was as a teen. Ahhh, the very best ole days.

Were back at iFly, and Milania is talking about her 11 th bday and Joe starts to rip up because he wont be there. This actually realizes me so sad. I mean, hes supposed to be in prison for like four years. Thats a long fucking time when you have young children. Damn it. Im hollering again. Is it precisely me or is this franchise way sadder than the other Housewives?

But why stop there? Makes check in on Dolores croaking puppy while were at it. Bethenny must be free to get in with the Jersey ladies so I can chuckle a little. We gotta lighten this shit up. Lastly the sadness discontinues because Sigs and Jacqueline come over to do some demo. Its probs a good way for them to get out some of that Jersey anger. D gets a entitle from Maz, whos still pissed because she is still not going to work at their piece of shit gym. I dont think she gets how positions extend, but what do I know?

Melissa and Tre are having some tea and is about to change Sigs, D, and Melissa have been scheduling a girls weekend. Fuck. Yes. Girls weekends= wine-coloured and arguings. Teresas on the fence but not really because shes contractually obliged to go to this shit so she agrees. Whats the over/ under on how many times well ensure Teresa doing downward bird-dog and other fitness shit this trip-up?

The next day, Teresa goes her book in the mail. She speaks the dedication she wrote to her daughters while lying on her leopard membranes. We get it, Tre. You love your daughters. Just not as much as your phone.

Her and Joe then start talking about the disagreement with Jacqueline again, and would you look at that? My bottle of wine-coloured is drain right as the escapade objective. Until next week

div.body_middle_part_right. bodypart: nth-child( n +2 ), a.prevBody exhibition: none ;

The post Real Homemakers Of New Jersey Recap: Returning HGTV A Run For Their Money appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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