#also genuinely cannot remember the last time i got a bad grade on a test

[navree]

did, uh, Not Great on a midterm for one of the four classes i'm taking (i'm not majorly worried just cuz i've got another midterm and a final as well to improve my overall grade) and i'm trying not to take it too hard because unlike any other time i've gotten a grade i haven't liked this wasn't from lack of trying or not doing something but literally just getting a bad grade

[somestansomewhere]

Frank’s Dementia in 11a

Points to discuss:

Moments where Frank forgot.

Things he might be able to remember.

Other characters finding out.

Aftermath...

So to start of, I made a list of every instance in SEASON ELEVEN A, where Frank’s memory seemed a bit off, I’m not gonna analyze the whole series for this but I’m sure there’s more there. Now:

Moments Where Frank Forgot

11x01

1. Frank’s History of Chicago

While this does appear to imply just the opening monologue, there are actually several moments throughout the episode where Frank is talking about the Gallagher’s running Chicago to Alan. And while this seems like typical “Frank being drunk nonsense”, plus a spectacular opening to the season... I now see it in a different light especially after:

2. Frank’s Memory Elixir

Frank LITERALLY has a line asking for “memory elixir”, meaning booze, which Alan hands him. Ironic since he has ALCOHOLIC DEMENTIA. You can’t tell me that wasn’t intentional!

3. He Forgot Bars Were Closed

Now, I may be reaching here... BUT when Frank enters The Alibi for the first time this season (what a grand enterence btw) he says “I heard somewhere all bars were open again”. V responds by saying something along the lines of “three weeks ago maybe” and that the mayor shut them down again. Frank says “Well who the hell can keep track”. And okay, yeah maybe Frank genuinely didn’t know... but this is the bar he goes to EVERYDAY. Not to mention if they shut down less than THREE WEEKS AGO, Frank should know... idk this one might not count but I added it anyway. Kermit is unaware of bars being open/shut down in 11x03 so moving on:

11x02

4. The Alibi’s Secret Enterence

Okay, again REACHING! However, when Frank entered The Alibi through the Keg Zone door he forgot to use the “secret knock” and Kev had to remind him about it. Now in 11x01 he used the front door (and I’m not sure he knew to use the other door in that ep) but still at least he remembered to use the correct door in 11x02.

11x03

This is where it got noticeable.. strap in, here we go:

5. Taking Franny to School

He took her to the wrong school. This is the same person that knows the Southside perhaps better than his kids (lol), like the back of his hand! He not only took her to the wrong school but a middle/grade school. Franny is in elementary/preschool school. You can see in WHM’s face here that Frank was confused...

6. Uncle V and Aunt Kev

Maybe just a comedic slip up, but Frank calls Kev and V “Uncle V and Aunt Kev” as opposed to what they really are. Maybe he forgot? I’m reaching LOL.

7. Debbie Is Not Fiona

Frank talks about one of his favorite MEMORIES with Franny’s mom: Debbie, but “oh no, maybe that was Fiona”. Small moment, typical Frank but... nonetheless, poor memory. The writers are smart by mentioning Fiona in this scene... it’s “a Fiona mention”, we’re going to remember this, and that’s probably why they did it.

8. The Paper Store

Yeah, this was the first red flag for me and if I can recall, the moment EVERYONE knew something seemed off. Frank, walks out of the paper store with Franny and cannot remember where he is, or where they are headed. Once he is reminded of their “goals” for the day (by Franny, a five year old) he proceeds to head to the paper store... Franny once again let’s him know that they already went there and Frank notices the paper already in his (Franny’s) backpack. Ouch.

11x04

9. The Nation of Islam

Ooo this one hurt! After Frank suggests to visit The Nation of Islam in an attempt to get their help to get rid of the Milkoviches, him, Kev, and Liam do. We SEE them go there. It’s a whole scene, so later in the episode when Frank suggests to go ask them for help AGAIN as if it were a completely new idea, we as an audience know they already did that. As Kevin says they “JUST did that”. Frank forgot. Shit.

11x05

10. Mrs.McCurdy

Frank discusses with Kev about murdering Mrs.McCurdy, later he tries to murder her. We see it, we remember it becaue she grabbed Frank’s dick. It was funny, the scene evoked laughter, it forces the audience to remember it. Frank mindlessly walks into The Alibi and Kev asks Frank if he “did the thing”. Now at first Frank is confused. They were using “quotation talk” earlier so yeah I get it, but then when Kevin is more direct with Frank, Frank thinks Kev is implying that he had sex with Mrs.McCurdy... Frank is clearly confused. Only then does Kev point out that he meant MURDER. Frank takes a second, again if you watch he does not know what Kev is talking about, but then it hits him, and he remembers. Thus continuing the convo like nothing.

11x06

11. Monica

Now this one REALLY hurt. Frank’s first scene of the episode is a sex scene between him and Letty. She’s blonde, and Frank calls her Monica. He truly believes he is sleeping with Monica, only Monica is dead, she been since season seven. When Letty mentions that she isn’t Monica (thinking Frank calling her that was only a sex thing), we see WHM’s brilliant preformence once again. Frank doesn’t know what Letty means, he thinks she’s Monica. Then when he realizes she isn’t, he gets this lost dejected look on his face. He’s confused and knows that he keeps getting confused.

Frank says “I gotta get to work”. Letty asks him where he works and Frank is left bewildered.

12. Seven

Okay so remember Frank and Franny’s adventure in 11x03? Frank visits a dry cleaners to get some weed. They make a point of Franny saying that Frank will pay SEVEN for the weed. No offer is made and Frank must get it somewhere else. Throughout the episode Frank refterences SEVEN to Kev & V as the asking price to sell. We as an audience are forced to remember SEVEN. Also in 11x03, as Debbie frantically looks for Frank/Franny, she visits the dry cleaners where they were (retracing their steps). We as an audience have been there twice.

Now, in 11x06 Frank goes to pick up an order but like, we already saw him go there episodes ago. When the woman behind the counter literally tells him she has nothing for him and he argues with her, WE KNOW she is right. Once again, Frank forgot. I’m so sad. Not only that but Kev and V don’t have Frank going on runs anymore. Ian & Mickey are doing it... Frank is legit lost and forgot that he’s not doing that anymore, Kev tells him he’s not in 11x04.

Ms.G even says to Frank that she doesn’t need to write anything down to remember it because the “Mind’s a steel trap”. She doesn’t owe him... she can use her mind to remember where Frank cannot. The irony.

13. Pedestrian, Blue, Handlebar (abc)

a) Frank getting hit in the head results in him having a visit to the hospital where a nurse discovers that Frank has no clue how he got there and more specifically, how he got hit in the first place.

b) The saddest part, when asked his name he remembers FRANK. But has to look down at her sheet to know his last name is GALLAGHER. This is the man who walks around saying “It’s up to Frank Gallagher to save the neighborhood”. He forgot his last name.

c) The scene goes on, the nurse asks him to remember three words: pedestrian, blue, and handlebar. They discuss other things, then she asks him to tell her those words. It’s so abundantly clear that Frank just cannot. He doesn’t remember. He was told like 30sec ago and gets, for the first time ASHAMED. He’s the most shameless person ever (hence the title of the show) but now the tides have turned. He “doesn’t wanna play this game anymore”. Frank can recognize AGAIN that he is confused, only now he is forced to face it. The nurse noticed, she runs some tests and Frank learns that he has early stages of alcoholic dementia. This isn’t his liver, he can’t get a new one, this is his brain.

14. + 15. Letty & Terry

Just two bonuses, Frank wanders aimlessly into the Alibi again (like in 11x05) because it’s routine for him. Letty calls him over. Frank forgot they were supposed to meet there. :(

Frank and Terry on the porch: Maybe it’s just bad writing or they were trying to make a point but like a “Gallagher-Milkovich War” never happened??? We watched the show for 11 seasons... Also are the Milkoviches actually from Poland Frank? I’ll excuse that one cuz Ian mentioned it too, but I thought they wer Ukrainian. These seem like writing mistakes tho so oops.

Things He Might Be Able To Remember

Frank has his and Franny’s name tattooed on his body... he literally forgot his last name at the hospital. And if he forgets a bunch in 11b then that’ll be the payoff for the tattoo... he might not know why the tattoo is there or who the people are listed on his arm, or even what it means exactly, but he will know that Frank loves Franny.

Where he lives. Frank never threw out the paper with his diagnosis. He might remember his home, however the conflict comes in the fact that the Gallaghers might be selling it. He needs to be around people/places that are familiar to him. This could jeopardize his memory.

The Alibi is where Frank seems to just walk to or go to whenever he has no clue where he is or going but it’s subtle. I could see him getting lost and no one knowing where he is and Frank just being at the Alibi beacuse idk muscle memory? He’s on autopilot.

Early stages of ALCOHOLIC Dementia can improve. Like if maybe Frank were to tell someone and if he wasn’t removed from the Gallagher house, and oh I don’t know if Frank STOPPED DRINKING, he could remember. But I don’t think we’re heading in that direction, especially if the house is sold, and let’s face it... it looks that way.

Fiona? Will he forget her... this all feels reminiscent of 4x11.

Other Characters Finding Out

Franny, Kevin, and Liam, are the only people who have REALLY been subject to the possibility of noticing... but think about it. Franny is too young to notice anything, Kevin is not the brightest bulb, he doesn’t seem to realize it either, and Liam was exposed to it once, but at that time he was so scared about the Milkoviches that he didn’t notice it. Maybe if he saw it again, he would. Liam is smart enough.

I wonder if the Gallaghers will just find out the hard way (,like those stills from 11x08 are making me think,) or if anyone will begin to seriously pick up on it. I intially thought they would show Frank forgetting in front of each character until someone was able to notice but scratch that. They seem to be setting Lip up on the “alcoholic path” this season, (and I may go more into depth about that one another time, it’s another big post if I do get into it). But what will the Gallagher’s reactions/feelings be towards Frank’s diagnosis? Mickey and Ian had many Terry/Frank discussions in 11x06 literally setting up for it. It hurt when they all kept dismissing Frank because yup, they don’t know yet. They would have to help him in order to keep his memory maintained, but that’s the thing... Frank’s pride. He might deny their help even if they actually were to give it to him... Either way, I’m “looking forward” to see how this all unravels and how everyone finds out and what their reactions will be, which brings me to my final topic:

Aftermath...

So what happens? Will they sell the house, potentially causing Frank to forget? Will he not know his kids, his history? Will he die? Will Frank finally stop drinking... yeah I doubt that... So what WILL happen? Will the Gallaghers be left to take care of Frank? Will they even do that? Will he remember them?

What if in 1x01 Frank’s narration IS his memory? We see him talking about his kids to someone? It circles back? I don’t know, but either way I expect this whole thing to pull on our heartstrings. When the rest of the regulars find out... it’s gonna get real, and rough.

Interesting stuff coming up in 11b I’m sure. Let’s see how this plays out for our Protagonist and Patriarch: Frank Gallagher.

Omg, if you read through this, you are so cool and I really really appreciate you! Please send me an ask or write a note, I would love to get your take on the matter. 💙

Hope you enjoyed this analysis and I hope it didn’t go on too long.

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

Hey...I am AN ABSOLUTE jercy TRASH like A HUGE JERCY FAN and I was wondering if you could like a one shot of jealous percy...I have seen a lot of jealous jason fanfics but never really saw a jealous percy!!! Thank you and I LOVE YOUR BLOG SO MUCH...

Hello darling Anon!! Adore that you're #jercytrash (is there really any other way to be????) and I'm so happy you enjoy the mess of content i have🥺💙all the heart eyes

Anyway I loooovvveeeeeddddd this prompt and this is evident by the very many words I couldn't help but write! I do hope you love it as much as I loved writing it☀️please excuse any mistakes it's like 3am here and Ciara be tired as hell

Masterlist

"Are you coming to the party tonight?"

"Gods no," Percy shivers, face pulling into a look of distaste.

"Why not I heard Annabeth is gonna be there," Leo's eyebrows waggle, earth eyes sparkling.

He wants to laugh, to cry a little too. If only that is the blonde he is so infatuated with.

"Nah bro those parties always end up much wilder than they need to be and nine times out of ten they're shut down by the cops."

"That's half the fun Jackson!" Leo's smile widens.

"I'm good thanks, my idea of fun is sitting here playing Playstation and gorging myself on M&Ms."

"Will you at least promise to come on the trip this weekend?"

"I don't know man," He shakes his head, "I've got a psych test to study for and there's like three assignments due by the end—"

"Oh excuses, excuses Jackson you haven't gone out once since we started. It's gonna be winter break soon and we won't see each other for at least a month." Those brown eyes are puppy wide.

He sighs, half-ready to give in, "Who's gonna be there?"

"The usual gang. And Jason finally gets to come this year! His dad is on a business trip so he isn't spending the weekend for once."

Percy's ears get hot and he hopes they don't look flushed, "Oh that's nice I guess. If you leave me alone tonight I'll come on the trip."

Leo's answering whoop is enough to make him laugh. When he collapses on the couch, after waving goodbye to his friend, there is a warmth blooming in his chest.

Three hours, five packets of M&Ms and a stream of curse words at the TV later, he finally decides to head to bed. But as he's shoving on a pair of sleep shorts there's a knock at his door. He frowns, considers ignoring it but his mind whirls with all the possibilities.

What if someone got hurt? What if someone needs his help? What if someone is....oh gods he doesn't want to think about it. He brushes his fingers against the wooden headboard, rubs at his head, grabs his elbow and then he takes a deep breath and opens the door.

"Peerrccccyyy," A slurring, smiling Jason Grace stumbles into him.

"Jason?" He grabs hold of the blonde's arms and pulls them both into his apartment, "What are you doing here?"

"I came over because–" Pearl white teeth flash, "Wow you're so pretty." Those golden hands grab Percy's chin, pulling their faces together until there is nothing but tension and breath between them.

"What are you doing?" He swallows.

"Has anyone ever told you your eyes look like emeralds glistening at the bottom of a river?"

"Uh no can't say they have," He wants to laugh but Jason's lips are so close and his hand is still on Percy's face and oh gods he needs to move before he does something he shouldn't.

"Have we kissed before? No I'd remember that." Eyebrows scrunch, "I think you have a beautiful mouth."

"I think—" He inhales sharply as Jason's fingers dance along his collar bone, "I think we should get you to bed."

"Aw," Full pink lips pout, "But we are having so much fun."

"I think we'll have more fun when you're sober."

The blonde giggles, "I'm not drunk silly. I only had like... fifteen shots of vodka."

"Jesus Grace how are you even standing?"

"When you're this tall it takes forever for the liquor to do its thing and you need a lot of it otherwise it all goes to your toes and you never get drunk."

Jason is frowning again and all Percy wants to do is kiss the crease in his forehead and pull him closer. Instead he tugs him by the hand and guides him to the bed.

"Where will you sleep?"

"I'll take the couch." He pushes the blanket aside and let's the blonde fall into the sheets.

"Are you sure? You can always stay with me?" Those blue eyes are bright and big and so full of, of, of... "I promise I won't kick you. I stopped doing that in first grade."

He can't hold in his laugh this time but when he recovers enough to reassure his friend he'll be fine he is greeted by the peaceful sight of a sleeping blonde. He shakes his head softly, allowing himself a moment to take in the scene. Tangled white sheets, golden hair, soft deep breathing, a tiny splattering of freckles, and the wonder of tomorrow carried on the wind that stirs the chiffon curtains. This moment will live within his soul for the rest of his life. Of this, he is certain.

***

The treadmill beeps incessantly indicating the end of the session and the end of Percy's day. He's about ready to pass out from exhaustion and he couldn't be happier. The days are long and blurry and he would do anything to escape the weight on his chest. A blue-eyed, golden-haired weight. He snorts at the innuendo. If only the actual person was sitting on his chest, entertaining each other. But no it's just the feeling, the emptiness, the lack of anything weighted. His eyes shudder closed as he steps into a red-hot shower and let's the memories of his last meeting with the blonde wash over him. There is a time, mere months ago, where Percy would have scoffed at these feelings. Would have told himself it was ridiculous and stupid and there were much more important things to be focusing on than some boy. But every interaction with Jason Grace feels like the middle of a fireworks display, feels like crawling into the sun, or falling off a cliff only for the water to catch you. Every interaction feels electric. And he cannot help but overanalyse each touch, smile, lingering look. Are they for him, or for the world? Jason had always been easy. He could make you feel like the most important person in the world just by glancing at you. It was beautiful, magnetic, but it also meant Percy never really knew if anything they did was genuine. If the extra squeeze when they hugged was as a friend or something more. If those blazing eyes over the campfire was a trick of the light or... But tomorrow it's their annual WastedWinter trip and at the very least he can look forward to a few nights of bad decisions and sinful delights.

The day dawns bright, cloudless, and icy cold. He breathes in the fresh winter air and lets the sting travel through his lungs. There are few things as lively as the winter morning air. With a look through his apartment window to see the birds flying and the wind shaking the trees awake he ducks into the shower and gets ready for the trip.

At exactly eleven a knock echoes through his apartment. He clicks submit on his assignment and races over to throw the door open.

"Good morning Jackson! You're looking especially radiant this find day."

"Must be the seaweed face mask I put on last night."

"Oh," Annabeth Chase frowns, "And here I thought you got down and dirty with someone."

He snorts, stepping aside to let her in. "No such luck Princess, I'm down and out on laundry."

She smacks his arm, grey eyes sparkling, "I hope you know you're driving for most of this."

"Is this because I'm the only one who can be trusted to get us there in one piece,"

She gives him an incredulous look and then turns her nose up, "No Jackson it's because the rest of us want to get wasted and you don't drink."

"Ah, glad to know I'm of some use to the group."

"Oh you're plenty useful," She winks.

He laughs at that, mind flashing to the fling they had at the start of their undergraduate years. Both had realized pretty early that life was leading them in different directions and it would be better to stay friends. But tumbling in the sheets with her had been fun while it lasted.

"Alright who's in our car?"

"We got me, you," She starts tapping her fingers, "Leo, Jase and Rey,"

"Great so I'll be talking to myself for most of this trip." He rolls his eyes.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well Leo and Reyna will fall asleep about five seconds after we start driving and you and Jason will talk incessantly about gods knows what, which leaves poor old me."

"We will not!" Annabeth's ears go pink as she glares at him.

"Mhmm okay Princess."

"Shut it." She grumbles, shoving him.

Some minutes later they're all piling into the car: Percy driving, Reyna in the front, Leo at the back on the left, Annabeth in the middle and Jason on the right.

"Hello everyone ready to roll?"

"I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night," Leo mumbles and then he's fluffing his pillow against the door and closing his eyes.

"What was he doing?"

"Engineering project," Jason grins, "He forgot and had to sit up all night to submit before we left."

"I'm also out," Reyna throws up an uncharacteristic peace sign and settles into her seat, eyes already shut.

"And her?" He asks, a little sore his right-hand passenger is ditching him for dreamland.

"No idea," The two blondes shrug.

Percy refrains from rolling his eyes and puts the car in gear. With a final check to make sure everything is in its place he pulls onto the road and starts the long journey to Lakeside Lodges.

The music is soft, some pop song that everyone is raving about, and the city is alive with the lunch hour rush.

"Jason," Annabeth starts, "What are you doing for the structural—"

Percy tunes them out, content to let their university talk become background noise. He glances at the rear-view mirror and sees shining blue eyes staring intently into serious gray ones. He looks away, focuses his attention on the road.

Sometime later they leave the city behind, the sound of cars and sirens and endless people fading into calmer, more lilting noises. The quiet of the empty road, and the crackle of the radio, and the soft chatter from the backseat. He cannot help but feel at peace, feel as if the world is balanced just right.

Annabeth giggles, catching his attention and he watches in the mirror as Jason lays a hand on her thigh and laughs into her shoulder. Quickly he adverts his eyes, swallowing the sinking feeling and turns the music up to distract his thoughts.

"Percy," At tap on his shoulder. "Pers?"

"Yea what's up?" He smiles and it feels like surgery with no anaesthetic.

"Did you hear what Jase said? It was such a stupid joke I said you'd appreciate it."

He shakes his head, "Wanna tell it again?"

"Nah," Jason mumbles, "Won't be as funny the second time."

"Aw come on Jase," Annabeth pouts, "For me?"

He watches from the mirror as those blue eyes light up, "What do you mean for you? I thought I was telling the joke for Mr Driver?"

She giggles, shoving at his arm, "That's what I mean."

Percy isn't sure he can't take anymore of their whatever it is so he clears his throat and asks them for a pack of Sour Patch Kids.

"Oo I love those!" Jason gasps, rummaging around in their snack bag. A packet drops into the cup holder and he thanks the blonde.

"Jase throw them at me, let's see if I can catch!"

The six gummies shoved in his mouth turn bitter as he watches the two giggle and joke and share space. By the time Jason throws the last gummy Annabeth is practically in his lap to catch it. Percy wants nothing more than to get out of this damn car. His skin is hot and he's sure his blood is about two degrees away from boiling. The stones in his stomach are stacking up like rock scultputres. Pretty but destructive. Nothing can get passed but nothing can leave either. And the heavy, sinking feeling certainly doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Finally though they arrive at the lodges and after check in he practically vaults himself out of the car and disappears into a bathroom.

There staring in the mirror he can see his misery reflected back at him. His green eyes are stormy, and there seems to be a permanent crease in his forehead. His mouth is down turned and his hair is in a state of complete disarray. Tugging at it when he's frustrated is an unbreakable habit.

He stays in the little bathroom for longer than he thought because he is sharply pulled to the present by a rap on the door.

"Percy?"

"Coming," He sighs. He straightens his back, attempts to tame his hair, and plasters a smile on his face.

"You good?" Frank frowns when he walks out.

"Yea sorry, drank one too many slushies."

His friend laughs, "Tell me about it. I think my tongue is going to be stained red for a month."

"I mean that's your fault. Blue is clearly the superior slush."

"Blue is the worst flavor," He scrunched his nose, "It isn't even a flavor. They somehow managed to give colour a taste."

"Well red is nothing but iced medicine."

"Hey guys," Frank waves their friends over, "Percy thinks blue slushies are the best flavour, care to tell him he's wrong?"

There is a pause amongst them and then everyone is talking at once.

"No,"

"I mean I kind of agree."

"Green is obviously the best."

"There is no way, it's red all the way."

"What about-"

"Okay!" Annabeth shouts, "Let's settle this WinterWasted style,"

Leo rubs his palms together, a gleam in his eyes.

"Everyone who says red stand on one leg, everyone who says blue stand on anything but the floor."

They all shuffle around, pushing each other over and generally causing chaos but soon they're in their spaces. Everyone observes the room.

"That's four to red and three to blue." Leo announces.

Jason, Percy and Hazel are standing on the couches and counters. Piper, Annabeth, Leo and Frank are on one leg in the middle of the lounge.

"Yes! We won." Frank smirks, "Alright losers you know the drill."

"No!" Percy yells, "We're missing a person. If Reyna joins us then we're even and we go into death round."

"Okay Jackson, I see you can't take the loser title sitting down so we'll get Reyna's opinion. But if she chooses us you guys have to drink and jump." Frank's black eyes sparkle with mischief.

Percy narrows his own, pinning his gaze on his friend, "Deal Zhang."

Just then Reyna walks in and seeing the odd scene sighs heavily. "What are we trying to settle? We haven't even had lunch yet."

"First of all it's six o clock so it's a little late for lunch and secondly are you Team Red Slush or Team Blue Slush?"

She scoffs, looks over them and grins, "I'm Team Purple because grape is obviously the only valid flavour."

Everybody groans, cursing her.

"Grape is the absolute worst Arellano." Leo gives her a look of disgust.

"Mhmm," She simply smiles.

"Well if you had to choose between blue and red which one?" Percy asks.

She taps her head for a moment and then looks to the ceiling in exasperation, "Guess I'll choose Red."

"Hell yes!" Frank whoops, laughing as the blue team groans. "Guess who's doing the BigFalls jump tonight!"

Percy grumbles but there is a light in his eyes and as he swats away a hand ruffling his curls he decides it was worth it, even if his friends are wrong.

That night they all stumble to the GreatCliff, an area that had witnessed many a fall, kiss, and confession. Most importantly a place that held some of their favourite memories.

Percy, being the only fully sober one, constantly counts his friends, making sure none of them have gone over-cliff or landed in a ditch somewhere. Soon enough they make it to the clearing and lay down the picnic basket and their towels.

"Alright losers," Piper smirks, "You ready for this?"

Hazel pouts, "Do we have to?"

"Yes!" Annabeth exclaims, blonde curls bouncing as she jumps up and down in excitement.

Jason whispers something in her ear and she dissolves into giggles. Percy looks away, refuses to let their closeness ruin his night, weekend, forever.

"On the count of three," Frank starts.

Reyna takes off her sarong and settles down on the blanket with a smirk.

"One..."

Hazel bounces nervously.

"Two..."

"Don't get hypothermia," Piper laughs.

"Three!"

Jason, Hazel and Percy are sprinting, racing for open air. With a yell they jump and then they're free falling, flying, screaming.

Percy hits the water in a neat dive, barely flinching at the icy temperatures. When he comes up for air the world is noisy with laughter and cheering. He waves to his friends at the top of the cliff and checks to make sure his fellow jumpers are okay.

Hazel is grumbling about being fully sober again and Jason's teeth are chattering but there are smiles on their faces and stars in their eyes and Percy knows the weekend has just begun.

They all swim up the stream and climb all the way back to the cliff where a small fire is crackling and their friends are dancing sporadically to a bawdy ukelele tune being played by Leo.

"Oh gods," Jason groans, "How are we already at this stage of the night."

"Whatever Pipes put in the punch is going straight to our lungs," Annabeth giggles.

Reyna shakes her empty glass in confirmation and request. Soon everyone is hopping and bouncing and singing badly around the fire. Percy settles into the blanket and watches his friends. They are full of life and magic and he can't help but tear up at the love he has for them. Even Reyna is joining the revelry, laughing bright and beautiful at something Hazel says.

His attention catches on the twirling figure of Annabeth. And then Jason grabs her mid spin and pulls her to him.

"Dance with me,"

"Of course Mr Grace," She bows.

They draw together, his hands on her hips, her head on his chest, swaying slowly. Annabeth mumbles something and Jason's shoulders shake with laughter. She looks up, their eyes meeting. Percy can't stand to watch anymore. Abruptly he gets up, throws the blanket aside and stalks into the trees.

"Pers?" Someone calls. He doesn't bother to respond.

He hears scattered conversation and then footsteps are running towards his retreating figure.

"Percy wait!"

He manages to hold in a groan as he realizes who followed him.

"Pers slow down, what's going on?"

"Nothing," He grits, "I just needed some air."

Jason laughs, "We are literally in the middle of a forest how much more air do you need?"

They're still stalking through the woods, dead leaves cruching under their feet.

"Come on, what the hell happened? You just up and left?"

Percy stops in his tracks, whips around to face the blonde, "I'm surprised you noticed."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You've been so wrapped up in Annabeth all day I wouldn't be surprised if you forgot to breathe unless she told you to." He spits.

Jason's face crumples, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

Percy instantly regrets his words but he can't take them back, "Just nevermind. I'm going to the cabin. Be careful walking back." He turns to walk away but a golden hand on his arm yanks him back

"Um no, you're going to explain right the fuck now because this isn't like you at all."

"Isnt like me?" He laughs sharply, "What isn't like me?"

"This," Jason motions up and down, "You walking away, being angry with us? What is going on?"

"I'm just tired," He sighs, "Can we drop this?"

"No Percy. I've seen you tired. I've seen you so exhausted you couldn't even see straight. I've seen you sad and angry and frustrated and happy and excited and calm but I have never seen you so... volatile. So just tell me—"

"I'M JEALOUS OKAY!" He yells, "I. Am. Jealous."

Jason reels back, lightning eyes blinking, once, twice, widening, "You're jealous?"

"Yes," He breathes, "And I'd appreciate it if we stopped talking about this."

"Oh," Is the blonde's intelligent reply.

"Yea oh," He scrubs at his face, running a hand through his hair.

"You're jealous of me? If you liked Annabeth why didn't you just say so? I wasn't flirting with her, we were just being dumb. I've had a few too many tequilas and she's hilarious and gods I'll back off I swear I didn't mean to hurt you. I'll even hype you up to her if you—"

"You are such an idiot," Percy growls and then he grabs the blonde by the t-shirt, pulls him in and sears their lips.

Jason tastes like the sky, like winter breezes and lightning storms and home. He tastes like home.

When they break apart Jason is gasping, mouth opening and closing.

"Do you get it now?"

"You- and I- and we- and Anna- and just- and-"

"Are you speechless because you don't know how to let me down easy or because I took your breath away?" Percy winces.

He needs to know. Needs to understand if this is a one-sided thing, if he's been dreaming up their dynamic all these months.

"Do that again," The blonde breathes.

A slow smile spreads across his face and then Percy Jackson cups Jason Grace's cheek and comes home at last.

[hotchley]

hey sumayyah! i saw your sign!! I'm writing the JJ & Emily parts of the really out of the blue and shitty mini-whatever it is 💀 and hopefully I'll figure out how to shorten it or something lmaoo

but i wanted to come here and talk for awhile i guess

it's like, 2am where i am right now and I'm just so drained mentally like idk i can't seem to focus on getting all my work done (school work) and i just submitted a fake corrupted file to pass off as my homework because i haven't been able to finish it (it's not graded or anything it's just 2 biology practice papers for revision for the upcoming exam but they're really long & biology is not my strong subject......)

like I'm 60-70% done on both papers and yeah i feel so bad for doing what i did and i am still planning on finishing those 2 papers (both as legitimate practice/revision & just in case my teachers do check and decide to ask me to resubmit/send them the file through another channel) and idk i obviously can't really talk to any one in school about this so i came here.... sorry for this bout of negativity i just feel so drained inside and it's not even the first time.... I'm on my break right now (mid years break) but my break is ending in roughly 4-5 more days? and I've felt unmotivated and horrible throughout the entire break idk :/ idk if this is just burn out or something else.... I've been planning on finding a therapist/professional to talk to? but 1. i can't exactly do it "openly" because i come from a rather conservative family and mental health issues (& sexuality etc) aren't things we talk about in my family.... and 2. I'm still a full-time student & I'm not sure of what services are available + the costs and all the other concerns? so like idk I'm not even sure where to start :(

and because I've been feeling like cr*p most of the time the last 3 weeks, I've done absolutely nothing & so i have TONS of school assignments piled up (those that were due during the break I've finished (somehow lmao) and submitted, but those that are due AFTER the break when school reopens.... i have completely not touched) & the worst thing is I'm not even entirely sure what's my entire workload.... so i definitely have to start seriously getting my work done from tomorrow (technically today) onwards.... but like i genuinely have a hard time focusing on work and I'm not sure if it's just my issues with procrastination or if i have a genuine illness or something and i don't want to self diagnose so I've been trying to not think about this but lately it's been so hard because i can't even finish my work on time and exams are coming and it's just really affecting me? and it's getting worse? i don't even have anyone i can truly talk to about this irl too and SKDJSKSNS idk 😭😭

i am SO SORRY for all the negativity!!!!! i just felt so alone and really had to vent somewhere i am so sorry, feel free to delete this ask if you're uncomfortable 🥺

i hope you're having a much better day/night and i love you ❤️ your blog (& cm Tumblr) is really giving me hope & keeping me alive, if i can put it that way 🥺♥️♥️ thank you for being you, and thank you for simply existing. I'm sorry things got so depressing all of a sudden lmao I'll be fine (eventually, probably)

- 🌙

I feel like my answer got long, so I put it under the cut :)

YAY!

Also, I did see this when you initially sent it, but I'm working on boundaries and priorities, which is why I didn't answer it then- I just needed a break <3

Look, you're learning during a pandemic that has disrupted everything and caused a lot of pain and stress. One corrupted file does not make you a bad student. You're still going to try.

There were so many days during lockdown where I just... didn't submit any work, and then I would submit it later saying the thing broke- which seemed believable because the thing we used never functioned properly.

And we cannot be happy or perfect all the time. Sometimes we need to share our problems. I have always said you can talk to me, it just may take me a few days depending on my own situation, and I stand by that.

Sometimes breaks just make us more miserable. Sometimes it is just genuinely a phase that you will snap out of. Sometimes it isn't. Either way, you need to let yourself feel this. Don't try and bury it. That'll be worse.

So when it comes to therapists, if you've been thinking of seeing one, go for it. Chances are, it'll help.

I get what you mean. I don't know what it's like where you are, but in England, everyone over 16 has control over the medical stuff. That basically means your parents cannot be told what you're doing, and you can do things without their knowledge. If I wanted to make an appointment, I wouldn't need to tell them I was making it, or what was discussed. Neither can the doctors.

I asked one of my friends (I have consent to share this), and she said that she went through the BetterHelp website, and that it's really helping her. Now I know BetterHelp had some real serious problems, so I would be cautious, but that is one option. Hers is between £50-£60 a session, but there were cheaper options.

You could also go through your school!! My school has what is called a "well-being practitioner" who you can just go and see when you're feeling down, and it all remains confidential UNLESS they think intervention is needed. So you could see if there are any sessions they do, or if there's any help you can get from them :)

I have seen SO, SO many teachers on TikTok recently say two things: ask them for help if you need it, and they will give it, and just do something. I don't know what you're teachers are like, but they're probably stressed and burnt out too. If you need an extension or a break or help, they'll do their best.

And if you can't do everything, then just do one thing. Do your favourite subject, or the easiest thing. I know people say do the hardest thing first because then everything gets easier, but the one time I did that, I started crying and I gave up for a good three days so...

If you've done extensive research, then maybe it is something, and if you think that there is that, then you should try and get tested <3 and it's okay if there really is nothing. Sometimes brains are weird

You don't ever have to apologise for being human <3 Remember how I mentioned crying for twenty minutes to my history teacher? I said the same thing to him: that I feel bad talking about these things because everyone has their own problems. His response was: well yes, but there are so many people that want to help you. And they would tell you if you were being a burden.

You need to trust that. And it's hard. It's painful. It's difficult. But I promise you, telling someone will always be better than bottling it up- and this comes from the person that was pissed for six weeks because I got a phone call home from someone higher up because previously mentioned history teacher told them that I was not doing great

I love you too!!

And sometimes life gets you down! That's okay! Things will get better! Maybe this isn't healthy, but my thing is: things will work out, and things will get better because they need to, and I refuse to believe I am living a life where they won't.

You will be fine! I have every faith in you!!

[noahstilinski]

Just a Scratch - Derek Hale

Ok wow I got a little... Carried away with this one

You must forgive me lmao

Masterlist

Requested: Yes

Prompt:  Hey I wanted to request a Derek Hale imagine- hope that's not too much. Fem!reader(has Hunter skills) and Derek are in relationship and in love. TheY both get in a nasty fight and reader get a *little* hurt but Derek goes all protective and AAAAAHHHHHH. Basically a little fluff. Thanks and have a good day.

Pairing: Derek Hale x Reader

Word count: 3511

Warnings: Language, violence

"Remember you have an essay due for next Monday on the economic crisis of 1929" You reminded your class as the bell rang. "Mr. Dunbar, if you could please stay for a minute" You dropped the chalk on the holder and wiped your hands on your jeans. You waited for the class to empty and faced Liam, a sympathetic look on your face.  "I know, I know" He beat you to it. "I'm sorry" "Liam, I understand that you're out there literally protecting this city from all kinds of evil, and I'm all the more grateful for it, believe me" You sighed. "But as your teacher, I really cannot give you anymore free passes without it becoming suspicious"

You had done your best to pick other people to summarize the readings or answer the questions. You even made him retake tests when you knew he had been on werewolf duty the night before. But you couldn't cover for him forever, especially not with the school board on your heels. 

This time, he failed to give back a homework sheet that counted for five percent of his grade. You told him out loud he'd get zero out of it, but you knew you'd find a way to cheat the system yet again. However, you also knew you couldn't keep doing that for long without losing your teaching license.  "I'll do it tonight, the sheet" He replied. "I swear" "Alright" You nodded. "And heads up, tomorrow I'll randomly choose you to do the readings summary. Don't make us both look like fools, please" "Thanks (Y/N)" He gave you a faint smile. "I won't, I promise" "Now woosh, go save the world" You tilted your head toward the door. "Let me grade my papers in peace" His smile widened a bit at your joke and he scurried out of the class, nodding in salutation at someone outside the class. You thought it might have been a student until the person stepped in the doorframe. "Don't tell him that, or he's actually going to do it" Derek snorted, walking nonchalantly in the class.  "What are you doing here?" You had meant to be stern, but your happiness to see him betrayed your facial expression.  "Coming to see you" He replied easily. "Isn't that obvious?"  "What did we say about visit on work hours?" You scolded, even though you went straight for his open arms.  "Technically, school's been over for..." He trailed off and looked at his watch over your shoulder. "Two minutes five seconds" "Smartass" You rolled your eyes, but smiled nonetheless. "But seriously, did I forget we had a date or something?" "Can't I just pick you up from school as a grand gesture of love?" He raised an eyebrow, which made you squint your eyes at him in suspicion. You knew he wouldn't pick you up without telling you, he hadn't done it in the years you've been with him. Derek hated surprises.  "Der" You warned, taking a step back. "What's going on?" "Nothing" He shrugged unconvincingly. "I just want to make sure that you're safe, that's all" "Is this about the wannabe hunters swarming the town?" You crossed your arms against your chest, and the shift on his expression confirmed your thoughts. "I'm fine, Derek. You don't need to watch over me" "What if they ambush you?" He asked with an edge in his voice, like he was genuinely scared they'd get to you. "We've seen what they're capable of" "Should I remind you I'm not a supernatural being?" You sighed as you sat back at your chair. "It's not me they want" "But they want me" He countered. "And correct me if I'm wrong, but we haven't been exactly subtle in terms of hiding our relationship. They could want you by association" "You're not wrong" You gave him a short chuckle. "Okay, let's say they decide to take me down to get to you. I doubt I'm high enough on Gerard's priority list for him to do it himself, so who'd he send? His pet, Monroe?" "She's more vicious than she lets on, (Y/N)" He almost pleaded.  "I know how she is, and I'm not afraid of her" You smiled at him. "That little martyr act is quite pathetic, if you want my opinion. And no matter what she got, remember I've been doing this for way longer than she has" At that, Derek let a quick smile pass through his serious demeanor. He probably had an idea of what went down, knowing you and your hatred for people like her. She had cornered you after school a few weeks ago, pushed you in a corner in a poorly executed grip and sent you an ultimatum. Either you'd leave Derek, or you'd perish with the rest. Now, you weren't the one to get involved, but this direct attack on you had made you angry.  When she had been done talking and gloating about how much of a champion she was, you had easily overturned her grip and changed role, pushing her back on the wall and kicking her down to her knees. Your grip, at opposite of hers, had been much more solid and efficient. You had then told her that you wouldn't play her game and wage war on her, unless she came after Derek or yourself first.  Apparently, your little demonstration of force worked, because she had left you alone ever since.  "I know you're not scared of her, (Y/N)" He said. "But it's not the point" "You think I can't defend myself?" You challenged, eying the little cylindrical shape poking out of your pencil basket. Derek followed your line of sight and shook his head.  "That you definitely can, not arguing" He replied. "But if they decide to come anyway, we'll be glad we have each other. Strength in numbers, remember" "I know, but I'm at school. I doubt they'll hit a human here, in a public place. Too much PR to handle" You explained. "Besides, I have papers to grade" "Okay that was a lame excuse for a life or death situation" He pointed out and you rolled your eyes. "But it's fine by me, I'll stay here" You were about to protest when he pulled out a chair and dragged it back loudly enough to cover any other sound in the room. He let himself fall down and threw his keys on the desk, still making as much noise as possible. Asshole. "I'll stay here. If something happens, you'll be glad" He spoke again. "And if not, you'll have the satisfaction of being right and knowing you wasted my time for nothing" "Deal" You smiled tightly. "But not a sound, Derek Hale. Or I'll throw you out of the window" He made a zipping gesture over his mouth and threw the imaginary key over his shoulder. You sighed and shook your head, taking the first copy on your desk and getting back into the grading rhythm.  Before you even knew it, the sun set and darkness took over. It was actually a yawn coming from Derek that made you notice that much time had passed and that you only had one copy left.  You hurried grading that one, and you were sorry in advance for the poor student that would have to read your correction. But to be fair, you had a hard time reading his handwriting too, so much you couldn't even understand the last two questions. "Oh Greenberg, what the hell did you write" You muttered to yourself as you massaged your temples. You then heard Derek's chair scrape on the floor as he stood up abruptly.  "Did you hear that?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows. "T’was just me complaining" You yawned again. "It's fine--" "No..." He trailed off, gesturing you to stay silent. You sat up straighter as you suddenly became more alert of your surroundings, your hand hovering closer to your pencil basket.  Then, total silence fell over the room. Not even the pipes could be heard, and it made your blood chill in your vein. This could never be good.  "Get down!" You felt it coming before Derek's shout by watching him tense up all at once, his eyes widening considerably. You dived under the desk, but not before snatching your weapon before you did. You ducked under the wood as bullets flew everywhere. Derek then came crashing down beside you and scurried for cover too.  He nodded at you to let you know he was fine, and you nodded back. No bullet had gotten to either of you yet, or at least not fatally to him. You waited until the guns were emptied, and your attacker stepped in the room. "(Y/N)" Monroe taunted. "Come out, I know you're here" "Oh hey" You replied, still under the desk. "I thought we had come to an agreement. I'm disappointed" "I don't agree with people who protect murderers" She sneered. "Ah, and I'm guessing your current backup have picked firearms recently as a hobby" You scoffed as you and Derek quietly planned your strategy with hand gestures. He’d take half of her back up, you’d take the rest and Monroe. "Or have you brought kids this time?" "Those kids know the only way they'll stay alive in this town is if they take arms against those who pose a threat" She growled. "And that includes you" "Tamora, most things you say are painfully whiny, but I gotta admit" You nodded at Derek and slowly raised to your feet. Four men in black were standing at her side; too bad it wouldn't be enough. "You're goddamned right" You pressed the button on the black cylinder in your hands and it extended to a full staff with sharpened steel edges. Behind you, Derek roared, and you could almost feel the raw power emanating from him.  "I am a threat"  Before any of them could reload their guns, which you noted to be a beginner's mistake, you both jumped in action. You kicked Monroe's gun out of her hands, then kneed her in the stomach as she bent to catch it mid air. As she was catching her breath, you dealt with the man at her right. You spun your staff and brought it down on his riffle, sending it to the floor. You sneaked a punch before ducking his incoming fist, but you were thrown off your feet when another man slammed into you.  "Son of a bitch" You groaned as you got back on your feet. You grabbed a book that fell off the shelf and slammed it in the face on your new assailant with a mean swing, sending him to the ground unconscious.  The first man charged to you and backed you to the wall, pushing you into it hard enough to cave it in. You lifted your arms to block his punches, waiting for his rhythm to fade. When it did, you grabbed his fist mid air and twisted his arm, pushing his elbow inside out with a loud crack.  While he howled out in pain, you grabbed your discarded staff and slashed both his shoulder muscles and the back of his knee, so he wouldn't be able to stand and shoot again. You wiped out the blood from your lips and nose and turned around to find Monroe, but you had to throw yourself on the ground before you saw her. A gun had fired, and you heard the bullet whistle past your ear. You saved your fall with a roll, and came face to face with the barrel of a gun, halting your movements all at once. At least you had found her.  "You don't wanna do this, Monroe" It was Derek who said that, the two unmoving bodies at his feet.  "I actually want to do this bad" She replied with a cocky grin. "If you try anything, I blow her brain" "It's find Der, let me handle this" You spoke carefully, giving him a quick glance and a nod. Then, you looked up at Monroe. "So. I guess you already have a story prepared to explain this mess" "Don't even try" She scoffed dryly. "I won't let down my guards" "Oh, I know" You chuckled. "It was probably the first thing Gerard taught you, wasn't it?" She cocked the gun as an answer. "Here's the thing" You kept talking, not breaking eye contact. "You think you're all high and mighty because you've been training with Gerard for a few months. You've learn a lot, you think. Maybe you really did. You think you're experienced because you've taken down scared teenagers, so you think you can go against targets above your skill set" "Does my gun on your forehead seems above my skill set?" She taunted, and you smiled. "You're feeling invincible now, don't you?" You hummed. "But let me remind you, that while you were still a clueless civilian, I had already years of experience. And right now, your lack of it gave the opening I needed" Before she could register your words, you swatted her wrist away and kicked her knees from the ground. Her gun fired again, but this time you didn't back down. You jumped on her and straddled her, a hand on her throat and your legs restraining her arms.  "Next time you try that, no matter how much fire power you bring, I'll kill you" You hissed before knocking her unconscious with the rest of her men.  You stood up and grabbed your staff, retracting it to the smaller cylinder shape. You then dusted off your material and put back the copies in your bag, sighing when you noticed Greenberg's was decorated with a long splatter of blood. You threw the strap of your bag on your shoulder and walked out of the class with Derek, wincing at your sore arms.  No words were exchanged until you were well away from the school. The radio in Derek's car played some billboard's songs, but you tuned the sound out when you started feeling some pricking pain on your side. You reached to it and felt a wet liquid covering you, which you noticed was red when you got a glimpse of it under a street light.  "You're bleeding" Derek stated and you didn't miss the new panic in his voice. "The bullet hit you" "It's alright" You reassured. "It's just a scratch, not even that deep" "Shit, I should have taken her down" He gritted his teeth and tightened his hand on the wheel, so much his knuckles turned white. "I'm sorry (Y/N), fuck" Your eyes widened when he floored the gas pedal, you knew he wanted to get you home asap.  "No really I'm fine" You tried to make him realize that you were, in fact, okay. "I don't even think I'll need stitches" "We're almost there" He mumbled as he almost drove into the half opened garage door.  "Are you crazy--oof" You winced when he slammed the brakes in his designed parking. He sent you an apologetic glance before rushing to your side of the car. "I can walk, you know?" He didn't listen to you as he gently picked you up and carried you to his apartment. You knew it was useless to protest, he was like a rock in every sense of the term. He then placed you on the wooden table and grabbed the first aid kit in the cabinet. "Take off your shirt" "I don't think this is the right moment for that, babe" You joked, but took off the ripped clothe nonetheless.  "Really? You're doing this right now?" He scolded, eyebrows raised. "Come on, lighten up a bit" You laughed, but it made your side hurt. "Ouch" "Don't--" He caught your wrist before you could give in to the reflex to cover your wound with your hand. "Here, let me" You pulled back your arm to give him access to the wound so he could clean it and check the damage better. When he sighed in relief, you knew you had been right and that it was only a minor flesh wound.  "Told ya it was nothing" You smiled warmly at him as he carefully cleaned the skin around that was covered in blood. "See, I'm alright" "Still need to bandage it" He mumbled as he grabbed the gauze and tape, getting to work without wasting time. "Better to be careful" "I know" You whispered back as your hand went to rest on his cheek. He looked up at you with tired and worried eyes when he was done patching you up, and it made your smile widen. "I'm tougher than you give me credit for" "I know how tough you are" He replied and nuzzled his face in your neck, intertwining his hand in yours. "I'm just scared one day the bullet will hit somewhere you cannot heal" "Then we make sure this doesn't happen" You shrugged lightly. "Damn right" He replied as he took a step back, but didn't let go of your hand. "I'm not letting you out of my sight until this hunter problem is settled" "That's a bit unrealistic, don't you think?" You raised an eyebrow.  "Watch me"  "And what about school tomorrow?" You asked again. "I doubt the school board will let me have my boyfriend looming in the back of the class" "Call in sick" He suggested. "Absolutely not" You gasped. "You're all banged up anyway" He tried to convince you. "Stay here. With me" "As much as it sounds appealing, I'm still going to work tomorrow" You denied him. "What if Monroe shows up and I don't? Bam. She wins. Besides, they won't try anything against a human during school hours, and if they're stupid enough to try it, Liam will be there" He knew you were right. It was just history classes on a Friday, after all. And unless the hunters decided to shoot a bunch of innocent kids just to get to you, they would get more legal trouble than they could handle.  "Fine" He finally conceded. "But I'm driving you AND picking you up right after school hours. If you feel there's anything wrong, and I mean anything: with the wound or even just a feeling, you call me. Okay?" "Okay" You agreed, even though it was a bit much. But Derek was like that, and it was fine by you. "Should I call you mom? It would feel right after that speech" "Don't call me mom" He said sternly. "Alright then" You grinned at his offence. "Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go to sleep" You started getting off the table, but Derek stopped you. "Nope" He shook his head. "You need to take it easy, so no walking tonight" "You must be kidding me" You deadpanned. "You saw the wound, it's nothing" "It's something enough to be careful" He argued, picking you up in his arms and carrying you again upstairs to the bedroom. He then put your down on the soft surface of the mattress and grabbed your pajama shorts from the dresser. He took off your jeans and replaced them by the stretchy clothing, all while you gave him an unimpressed look. It was something you could have done yourself without a problem.  He then paused and looked away, a distant look in his eyes. His shoulders slouched as he made his way around the bed and laid down beside you. "Derek" You called softly, and his glance met yours. They showed vulnerability, which was a rare occurrence for your boyfriend. "Thank you. For taking care of me" "Always" He mumbled as he took your hand and placed a kiss on it. "I'm sorry you got hurt because of me" "It's not because of you" You said, carefully rolling on your good side to face him. "It's because they're stupid and wrong and they don't like that I'm exposing them" Derek cracked a smile at that.  "I bet they'll be so jealous of my personal escort and bodyguard tomorrow" You added with a yawn. "They wish they had someone as good looking to do the job on top of it"  "We've been together for two years and a half, you don't need to flirt to get what you want" He rolled his eyes playfully, poking your shoulder where he was sure it wasn't bruised.  "What if flirting is what I want?" You challenged before laughing it off. Just seeing his smile made up for the terrible evening that had happened. "Come on, get your pretty ass closer. You can't protect me from all these feet apart" "Very funny" He tried to stay stern, but failed miserably. He scooted over and wrapped his arms around you, careful not to put weight over your injury. "I love you, (Y/N). So much" "I love you more" You smiled against his chest. "Goodnight, my fierce protector" "Goodnight, queen warrior" Your laugh at the nickname got lost as tiredness took over you, making you fall asleep in the arms of your lover.

[angeltriestoblog]

Your Comprehensive Guide to Passing the College Entrance Tests

College entrance tests season is a time in my life that I look back on with equal parts pain and fondness, which somewhat serves as a justification as to why I’ve been putting off this post for so long. Although I spent many sleepless nights re-absorbing lessons I never even got in the first place—all while having to deal with agonizing self-doubt and anxiety—I guess it’s safe to say that it was all worth it. After all, ya girl passed three out of the four universities she applied for: I have yet to find out if UP is willing to take me under their wing, but whether or not they want me, I can say that I am very much contented with my results.

Since I feel I’m in a position to speak on a topic like this, I’m back at it again and ready to help anyone about to tackle the beasts that are the CETs this year. I’m dividing this post into three parts, which will contain tips on how to go about everything before, during and after taking what most consider to be the most important tests of your life. 

Obligatory disclaimer: This is ridiculously long and not everything that I’ve written here will apply to you, but hey, if I were you, I’d start taking down notes.

BEFORE THE TEST

One thing most people fail to stress when giving advice on this topic is the importance of adopting the best mindset. Understand that the CETs are a very serious and urgent matter, for you are tasked with preparing for the succeeding chapters of your life all within a short time frame, but at the same time, don’t allow the pressure that comes with it to lead to overthinking and comparison that will ultimately distract you from achieving your goal: passing. Stay driven and positive, and focus on yourself.

Now, on to the actual studying part. I’d hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the best way to breeze through these exams without breaking a sweat is by being a good student all throughout high school. Be the type to maintain a stellar general weighted average, keep all notes taken down during the past four years in an expanding file folder instead of using them to wrap dried fish and join as many extracurricular activities as possible. If you’ve already failed at this, it’s time to proceed to Plan B: review school.

I personally didn’t enroll in any classes over the summer, because I thought they only took place during the month of April, which was when my parents had scheduled our overseas trip for the year. Well, apparently, I couldn’t have been any less well researched and by the time I found out, it was already far too late. So, I had made the decision to opt for self-study. For some reason, I was the only one in the household who was worried out of my mind: my parents were very much convinced that I would be able to handle reviewing on my own, and prove that review school was not a requirement for acceptance into prestigious universities. I was touched by their unwavering confidence in me, but every word felt like an additional kilogram I had to carry on my back.

I got by through borrowing old review modules from my dentist (Tita Meng, I have no idea how you’re ever going to read this, but thank you so much for saving my life… and also straightening my teeth) and downloading sample tests from the Internet for me to test my knowledge later on. My efforts never felt like they were enough for me though: I remember looking up the curriculum for each subject I needed to tackle on the website of the Department of Education, researching each sub-topic that was vague to me and Khan Academy-ing my way to proficiency. Definitely an unnecessarily extra way to tackle the reviewing process, but hey, my mind was very much laden with doubt and I was willing to do the most. I also put up cartolinas on my bedroom walls with formulas for different Math and Science subjects, which proved itself useful since I actually spend a decent amount of my time staring off into space.

If the thought of doing all of this alone is stressing you out, then maybe it’s time to go down what is considered by most to be the safe route: enrolling in a review school. Doing so will provide you with all the lessons covered during high school in the form of actual lectures with qualified teachers, and hardbound notes that often come with sample tests that resemble the real thing. It guides you through the application process as well as gives updates on the schedules of most universities, and helps in parts of the test that cannot be achieved by poring over textbooks such as essay writing and even techniques for plain old guessing. All these benefits seem to provide their students with the confidence boost to top everything off, and I admit that I did feel inferior to most of my peers at some point for this reason. They all just seemed so put together, so at ease with their binders and pastel highlighters that it made me go through a period of regret and resentment. Do not let the perceived advantage they have blind you, though: do note that even if attending a review school helps you ace the entrance test, it does not measure your aptitude nor your ability to handle the workload that you will have to face as you make your way in the university of your choice.

Because I had to do everything alone, I had firsthand experience when it comes to waging a war with time: it was truly my biggest enemy during this point in my life. It’s obviously crucial to create a schedule and follow it regularly. If you’re anything like me, you’ve read this in several self-help books or heard this over and over again on productivity podcasts but planning truly is key. First, list down all the topics that you want to cover, complete with the estimated time it’ll take you to master them. Then, distribute them per day evenly so you don’t end up overwhelming yourself and cramming so much information in your head that you barely get to retain anything. It’s important to have a contingency plan ready as well, in case you needed more time digesting a particular topic.

Eliminate all distractions while reviewing. This is a cardinal rule for studying in general, so it will definitely increase in importance during a time like this. One thing I found important is to tell yourself why you have to do it, so it’s easier for you to follow through. For example, I’m pretty addicted to watching YouTube videos, so having to cut down my marathons and look at the number of videos on my Watch Later pile up was a bit painful at first. But upon conditioning my mind into thinking that I’d rather spend my five month summer vacation before college binge watching all the videos I had missed out on instead of looking for a university that was still ready to accept me, it was much easier for me to cut down on it.

Remember to prioritize breadth over depth. Cover as many topics as you possibly can, going over the basic concepts and important formulas. Then, knock yourself out with practice tests so that you’re fully familiarized with them by the time CETs roll in, because you never know how even the simplest questions can be twisted around to baffle you. A common mistake most incoming seniors make (myself included) is overthinking what could possibly be asked and going too into detail when reviewing.  In my defense, it seemed like the natural thing to do during a situation of panic but if I had only known, I would have been able to save so much of my time and devote it to mastering everything I had learned.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help if ever the need arises, whether it be from teachers, friends or upperclassmen. It might come off as a surprise to some of you, but there are many people who will be more than willing to help you, whether out of pity or genuine human decency. I asked tons of my classmates if I could borrow the notes they received from their review center, so I could learn more than I could have on my own (and maybe even compare their progress with mine). Sometimes, I’d disturb them at ungodly hours and call them up on Messenger to plead them to teach me the shortcuts in problem solving, mnemonics or acronyms. I was never the type of person to do that: honestly speaking, it felt like a direct blow to my pride to have to beg for something. But, it was my future at stake and upon remembering that, I no longer felt any shame [shrugs]

On another (but equally important) note: stay on top of your requirements for the different universities you’ll be applying to. Although they don’t normally start until July or August, it’s much better to get these out of the way as early as possible. Take it from me, who ran around Megamall looking for a photo studio a week before ACET apps needed to be passed. Stock up on ID pictures of different sizes, preferably 1x1, passport size and 2x2. Photocopy important documents like your birth certificate and grades forms, as well as your ID from the current or previous school year. Start thinking of who to ask recommendation letters from, brush up on your essay writing and interview skills and work on your CV if needed. Also, have a scanner ready if you plan on trying out for La Salle, since their application process is purely online. Be sure to keep track of your deadlines: don’t wait around for people to remind you, and please please please For The Love Of God do not cram everything until the very last second.

Strive to finish reviewing over summer break so you don’t have to worry about balancing CETs and academics, which is an entirely different playing field. I’ll come clean and say that I failed to do this, because there were still so many topics I couldn’t understand and questions I couldn’t find the answers to, even with the guidance of the Internet. Let me tell you, it was absolute hell as I didn’t have the time or brain capacity to digest lessons both for school and entrance tests. Please have mercy on yourself and focus on the classes you are to take during the school year, flipping through notes and flash cards sparingly when you have free time.

Now for the part that will probably be most useful to you all: the actual subject matter to study, focused specifically on the entrance tests for the Big 4 universities. Don’t use this as the sole basis of your review, since it’s not a guarantee that the topics covered this year will be the same as the succeeding ones. I remember looking up this one CET tips thread which said that the ACET was going to have mostly geometry-related questions. Since Ateneo is my dream school, I spent a ridiculous amount of time cramming everything from theorems to tangents in my head. So, you could just imagine my surprise when I actually took my test and was greeted by a maximum of four geom questions and a predominantly Algebra II and Trigonometry-centered Math portion.     

ACET

Language proficiency

This test will assess your knowledge on basic grammar: correct usage of verb tenses, S-V agreement, analogy-type and a cloze test, where you are required to fill in the blanks with the appropriate word for the sentence. It also included an essay question about a particular word that differed from session to session. I had to make one on the word “superstition”, so I had written something on how I didn’t believe in them because I was raised by my family with a very strong faith in God. One tip people give out a lot is to try and relate your answer to either love for God or being a man for others, but do it only if it doesn’t come out forced. From what I remember, we were given 50 minutes to answer all of this, and I don’t mean to come off as boastful but English is and has always been my first language, so it didn’t serve as a problem on my part.

Mathematical ability

This test is feared most by previous test takers, and it was only when I crawled my way through it that I realized why it has that reputation. It’s composed primarily of basic algebra, algebra II and trigonometry questions, all of which are quite lengthy and require a decent amount of time to think through, especially if you’re not really the best in this subject.

Abstract reasoning

This test… Boy, what do I even say? It requires you to pick out the figure or shape that completes the pattern. There were 30 items all in all that needed to be accomplished within 10 minutes, and I couldn’t tell anything apart from each other. I feel anyone who tells you they took this test seriously and finished it without breaking a sweat is just messing with you. I don’t think there’s any way to answer this test without turning to our old friend (the shotgun method).

Logical reasoning

This test includes questions with a set of premises that you are supposed to analyze, and a list of choices containing possible conclusions that can be drawn from them. Your task is to pick the most logical one, which sounds like common sense at first. Apparently, this was a topic discussed in General Math, so there is a certain set of rules to follow. Not only did I not remember ever taking this up in my life, but I also skipped it during review so I had to borrow my classmate’s book and cram everything I could during ACET week (DEFINITELY NOT ADVISABLE). There was one part of the test that involved a lot of technical terms, which I did not read about or study but thank God ya girl was desperate enough and ended up finding hints in the instructions!

Vocabulary

Pretty self-explanatory type of test, with 25 words in five minutes. It seems overwhelming, but contrary to popular belief, it’ll be easy even for those who aren’t voracious readers.

Reading comprehension

This test will require you to fully understand the message of the text, and apply it practically or draw sensible conclusions from it. I breezed through this one as well, because I’ve been reading since I was in the womb, but this can prove to be difficult for those who aren’t used to it. I’ve been seeing this tip circulating that goes “Look at the questions first before the passage itself, so you know what to find” and although it can fool just about any lazy reader out there, I tried it for myself during the ACET because I was in the mood and it didn’t help me at all. If anything, it just slowed me down because I was doing twice the work: looking at the question then going over the whole thing to find the answer, then repeating the process instead of just reading the text once.

Numerical ability

This test was all word problems—age, work, mixture, speed—with a dash of ratio, proportion and variation. This was the last portion of the ACET, and not only was my brain fried to a crisp but I was also very eager to leave so this definitely made me want to scream as I was taking it. It could have been much easier if I had memorized the exact formulas, and practiced lots so I could work rapidly without sacrificing accuracy.

DCAT

Mema test

I don’t know the actual name of this test, but I called it as such because it was so all over the place it felt like the ones in charge of making the DCAT looked at the final draft, saw they were an entire subtest short and crammed these questions two hours before the deadline. It was a mix of both abstract reasoning and vocabulary, and was generally easy: the AR patterns were understandable and didn’t require a lot of analysis, while the vocab words were very few and quite common.

Math I

I read in this one CET tips post that this portion was, and I quote, “pretentiously difficult and time-consuming” and it’s absolutely true! It’s big on derivations of formulas and advanced concepts in algebra, it barely had any basics much to my dismay. My mental block during this part was at its peak: I didn’t know how to solve anything, so I simply substituted each of the missing values in the problem with a number and worked it around until both sides of the equation were equal. That obviously took a lot of effort, which stemmed from my refusal to let go of an item until I feel like I’ve tried my best in solving it. But, it doesn’t have to be the case for you, especially if you’re terribly pressed for time: don’t hesitate to skip if you can’t move forward!

Math II + logical reasoning

Undoubtedly the hardest part of the exam, because no one saw it coming and thus, no one was able to prepare for it. And to think I was already warned by my friends who took the DCAT the week before I did to review statistics: I went through my notes from Grade 9 on combination and permutation, completely unaware that it was going to focus on hypothesis testing and estimation of parameters, which we failed to cover in Grade 11. I thought I’d be able to get by, I remember even praying that there would be only a few items but the entire test revolved around it so I almost literally crawled my way through. As for logic, it was alright until they started using technical terms like I had no idea what modus ponus (hocus pocus?) is and I don’t think I’ve ever had to study that in my life, so I think it’s safe to say I didn’t perform well there.

Reading comprehension

This was pretty similar to the ACET, so the same description and tips apply. Nothing to worry about.

EAPP/Research

This test was the plot twist of the year: DLSU completely took out the traditional type of English subtest (identifying errors, vocabulary, cloze test, etc.) and replaced it with citing in APA format, the principles of academic writing and the parts of a research paper. I had no idea that this was going to be included, and thankfully, those who enrolled in review centers didn’t either so we were all pretty much on equal footing. But, I walked out of it without a scratch: I guess it’ll be easy for you if you contribute to the making of your research papers, but if you’re a freeloader, ayan diba sinabi ko sa inyo may araw rin kayong lahat O ETO NA YUN

Science

This test covers the four major areas: earth science, biology, chemistry and physics. It was so much easier than I expected, because it only centered on terms and definitions of important concepts. I was most worried about the physics portion, since I’ve always considered it to be my waterloo, so you could just imagine my relief when I saw that it was very formulas-based and could be aced by anyone who took it up in Grade 10. (Super long run-on sentence, I’m sorry) I definitely wouldn’t have been able to survive it without the help of Tyler DeWitt, the best Chemistry teacher anyone could ever ask for – I found him on YouTube during a moment of desperation and binge-watched all his videos the day before DCAT, and he is probably the sole reason behind my success.

Life skills

The easiest and best part of the DCAT, because it’s simply a test of your character. It provides you with a set of situations, and all you have to choose which one best applies to you—so, yes there are no wrong answers. It’s easy to think that the most logical way to answer would be to feign sainthood and pick which one makes you look like an Ideal Lasallian/Catholic/Person, but I advise you to stay as true to yourself as possible. Those in admissions have probably seen many people apply this strategy in the past, and will most likely appreciate your honesty and view it as a way of seeing a true glimpse of your character.

UPCAT

Language proficiency

I think I was only sure of about 75% of my answers in this test, and to think this was the easiest part of the UPCAT for me as language is supposed to be my forte. Although it revolved around the basics—identifying errors in sentences, cloze set, rearrangement of sentences to form a paragraph and vocabulary—it came in both English and Filipino, which really tired me out early on.

Science

Hardest test of them all, to the point that taking it felt like my brain was getting hit by different trucks all at once. It covered all four major areas, including earth science. There were a ton of tables, graphs and diagrams that needed to be interpreted, and experiments to be analyzed: it’s big on practical applications and understanding of concepts. Don’t memorize any formulas, acronyms and mnemonics as you definitely will not need it at all.

Math

This test ran through a little bit of everything: from basic algebra to geometry, trigonometry, word problems and even statistics, sequences and number theory. It’s important to memorize all the formulas and learn how to solve problems fast even if they’ve already been twisted around. Math has never been my strong suit, so at this point, I was very close to hyperventilating. I even remember shading the wrong circles for ten questions in a row because I skipped one item. I also took around three bathroom breaks at this point, and spent 30 seconds sat on the toilet praying.

Reading comprehension

This was the first time I ever loathed this kind of test, when it’s supposed to be my strong point. It’s just that the previous subtests were so mentally and emotionally draining, that I didn’t have the brainpower to tackle it. It didn’t help at all that the passages chosen for the UPCAT were not the usual narrative types that are actually entertaining to read, but were incredibly information and detail-heavy. (They made really good memes on Twitter, though: no one was over the patis, newsboy or Super Ferry 9 for a long while.) The best thing to do at this point would be to go for the easiest and shortest ones first, to give your brain time to repair and prepare itself.

USTET

Mental ability

This test seeks to assess your common sense through a mix of logical reasoning, analogical and basic language and arithmetic problems. I don’t think I have to give you tips about this part at all, because it’s that easy.

Science

This test also includes question on all four major areas, but the main difference is that there are close to no practical applications of concepts – surprisingly, UST only cares about the definition of terms. Thus, intensive review probably won’t be needed: you could just skim through your notes from junior high school and have a good grasp of what’s going to be included.

Math

This test had mostly basic algebra and geometry, as well as some word problems – nothing too difficult. One other fun thing was that there was so many of the same type of question, so if you have the formulas memorized and a certain technique in answering, you could get so many (if not all) correctly.

English

This test focused mainly on basic grammar, figures of speech and subject-verb agreement. There was also a tiny part about oral communication and research, which I wasn’t able to prepare for but it’s a good thing I actually bothered paying attention to my teacher in Grade 11 or else I wouldn’t have been able to answer a thing.

THE DAY BEFORE – DURING THE TEST

Now, normally people would tell you to rest the day before any big test: drop all books and notes and mentally psych yourself for the battle up ahead in the form of face masks and comfort food. Although it sounded incredibly tempting, I obviously didn’t follow it because I was running short on time and had so many things I had yet to fully understand. Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t experience any adverse effects and even retained everything I had crammed into my head. So, you’re technically still allowed to review: run through flash cards and try a bit more practice problems if you wish. The only thing you have to make sure of is that you do not stay up late: sleep is crucial for memory retention and BASTA PARA DI KA LUTANG, and you do not want to realize that you’ve taken it for granted on such an important date.

Pack all your essentials the night before in (preferably) a small backpack that you can easily lug around. Bring two #2 Mongol pencils, an eraser, your test permit, a school ID just in case and food to snack on: my personal favorites of the season were seaweed crisps that I got for a buy one, take one deal in Robinsons Supermarket, raisins and trail mix. Scientific studies in the past have claimed that chewing motions can help stimulate your brain, but I just believe it just doesn’t feel right to engage in battle on an empty stomach. Coordinate with friends who’ll be in the same testing center as you, in case you won’t be able to survive in such an environment without someone to sympathize with you. Personally, I didn’t bother meeting up with friends for three out of my four tests because I wanted to feel independent and possibly run into new people.

If you’re anything like me and you hold on to God for dear life in almost every situation that brings you difficulty, don’t forget to pray for enlightenment and the capacity to accept His will, whatever it may be. As much as possible, try to hear Mass the day before your entrance test. Funny story, I was supposed to do this on ACET Eve, but we got stuck in traffic and missed the opportunity to. I ended up running to my parish while the staff were closing it (I didn’t even know that was a thing – what about the troubled souls who need guidance in the wee hours of the morning!) and muttering the most desperate prayer under my breath in a minute. I even lit a candle outside because I wanted to pass Ateneo that badly. Looking back, I found that it helped me lots because I was able to lift up all my worries to Him so I wouldn’t have to bring them along with me the next day.

On the test day itself, the best weapon to have in your arsenal is a good mindset. Walk into the testing center like you already passed, stroll along the corridors like it’s your first day in that university and look at every question as another step closer to freedom. Do not overthink or panic: I know it is much easier said than done, but it won’t hurt to fake it till you make it (sometimes, in situations like this, it’s the best option available).

Keep track of time limits: don’t be afraid to glance at the wall clock or your wristwatch from time to time so you can pace yourself properly. Don’t take too long on one item: if you don’t know what to do with it in 20 seconds, just come back to it when you have extra minutes to spare. If you’re not sure about the answer to an item, make the most intelligent guess you can by racking your brain for the very limited stock knowledge you have on that topic. Choose one letter to be your go-to choice if you really don’t know the answer: mine was C (for Christ, truly) although I don’t know if that’s still a wise decision because universities might start picking up on this strategy.

Look back on all your answers: if you have the luxury of time, re-read everything from the instructions to the passages to the choices provided, because sometimes, even if you were 110% sure of what you were answering during that moment, you may have missed something important. If you happen to be one of those beasts who come prepared enough and you’re completely sure of everything already, catch a quick nap to recharge those batteries instead of scouting for attractive fellow test-takers. I swear, there will be many more of them in college: at present, it’s best to exhaust all efforts into actually getting a university.

AFTER THE TEST

The minute the proctor makes you put your pencil down one last time and submit the questionnaire forward, let it go. Completely forget that it happened: don’t spend the succeeding days discussing answers with peers, as it will almost always end with you regretting things you can no longer change. Do not keep a countdown until judgment day ticking in your head either: choose to take this time to let your life return to its normal state. Shift your focus back to your academics for the school year, and be preoccupied with your interests once again during your free time. Remember to treat yourself as well, because we all know it’s not easy to study while simultaneously worrying about your future. After all my CETs, I made sure to eat out with my family and spoil myself with chick flick marathons and skin care products. Most importantly, be sure to keep praying as it is the key to accepting what happens in the future and regaining peace of mind. As cheesy as it sounds, trust in God’s plan for You and know that He has a reason for everything that is about to happen.

Now, on to the final stretch: the release of results. (This is a pretty timely thing to be talking about right now, since as of this writing, I’m waiting for UP to make a move within the week) If you pass your dream school—or any university for that matter—congratulations! Your hard work has finally paid off, and the promising future you’ve built up in your head is slowly turning into a reality. Don’t forget to thank all those who made this possible for you: God, your family, friends and teachers who believed in you through every sleepless night and mid-morning breakdown. Remain humble though, and be careful not to gloat in front of those who didn’t pass. I know you’re not really obliged to act a certain way to please them, especially during a time as joyous as this, but it’s all a matter of empathy: I’m sure you’d feel the same way if the roles were reversed. One thing you’re left to decide with if you’re lucky enough to pass more than one college is where you’re headed off to. Personally, it’s course over school: go for the program that suits you best and will help you pursue the career path you wish, since that will do you more good in the future than the reputation of any institution. If you are not entirely convinced by that spiel, do not hesitate to ask help from those you trust most: preferably family members, teachers and counselors. I left out friends, because I don’t think it’s a wise decision to choose a specific school just because that’s where they’re headed.

If you fail to make the cut, however, indulge in your right to cry right now. I’m sure that it must be disheartening, planning out a future in a school that ended up “rejecting” you in the end, but news flash: the race does not finish here! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get ready for the results of the other schools you have applied for. Be sure to surround yourself with only people who are capable of uplifting your spirits and helping you believe in yourself during such a trying time. If the worst case scenario happens and you are left with no college at the end of the day, it’s time to get hustling: look for universities that are still accepting applications (some schools out there have entrance tests every month, and results come out instantly), or send in letters of appeal if ever you truly have your eyes set on a specific campus. That’s not something I have much expertise on though, but almost everything you will need to know is on the school’s official website.

And, there you have it! Everything I could tell you about the college entrance tests! I spent approximately three days trying to kick my writing slump in the ass: my eyes hurt and I may be suffering from carpal tunnel but all of that means nothing as long as I’ve been able to guide one hopeless soul out of the dark. (Yes, I patterned that after my comprehensive guide to surviving Grade 11 – my brain is dying, and I have no time to think of an ending catchier than that.) I’m on summer break now and I’ll be going to Korea next week, so expect a lot of lighter and more amusing content!

Stay in school, kids!

Angel

[ohparkers]

Too Much Chemistry

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: Both you and Peter are too distracted during a lab, and well, accidents are bound to happen.

A/N: Gif not mine!! I wrote this to take my mind off of all the stuff that happened today. This was also a request!!! I hope it’s good enough for you anon :-) Enjoy!!

The ambiance of a noisy Chemistry lab wasn’t really best suited for studying, but you had to make do.

Your nose was tucked deep into your Spanish textbook as you sat at your desk, waiting for the bell to ring and class to officially start. Though your teacher typically frowned upon anything other than the subject you were in being discussed in the lab, you had your book open under the table anyway. You silently hoped she wouldn't catch you cramming for the test you had after lunch, one that you studied for all of the last night but still somehow felt unprepared for.

Eyes carefully scanning over charts of irregular verb conjugations, in your focused state you hadn't even noticed your lab partner come in and sit down next to you. It was only when he gently tapped you on the shoulder that you looked up, meeting his always-kind gaze with a slight jolt.

“Oh, hey Peter.” You exhaled, before closing your Spanish book just as the bell rang so the noise wasn't as audible. Shifting slightly in your seat, you tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

“Hey. Y-you nervous for the test too?” He gestured towards it as you reached down and shoved the thick textbook full of sticky notes into your backpack.

Looking back up at him, you quirked an eyebrow. “Too? You're like, the smartest kid in our grade,” You laughed. “Is the Peter Parker really nervous for a Spanish test?”

The curly haired boy shrugged from beside you, secretly fighting a huge grin from spreading across his face. “Yeah, well…”

He wasn't really nervous for the stupid test, he just wanted something to talk to you about. Something to make small talk over that wasn’t about Chemistry or a lab project.

You opened your mouth to reply but were cut off by the loud voice of your teacher from the front of the room. As she began explaining the new lab you would be starting that day, you fought the urge to look over to your left at Peter. Maybe it was just your hopeful mind playing tricks on you, honestly, you weren’t completely sure, but you could’ve sworn that he had sort-of blushed just minutes earlier when you called him smart. Had you made him blush? It wasn’t like you were lying, Peter really was the most intelligent person in the sophomore class. He always seemed to know the answers to everything - that was part of the reason you were secretly incredibly thankful that you’d been paired with him in Chem for the semester. The other part was that you were possibly harboring an overwhelmingly apparent crush on him, but that was beside the point.

As your teacher finally finished her explanation of the project, the class collectively began to get up and gather the necessary materials to complete it. Honestly, you’d been totally zoned out through the whole lecture, still thinking of the expression on Peter’s face after you gave him that compliment. When you finally snapped out of your daze, you turned to look at the boy next to you and saw that he’d already gathered everything you needed.

Embarrassment flooded your veins as you apologized to him for being so distracted, but he quickly told you that he hadn’t minded. He scooted his stool closer to yours, handing you a pair of clear goggles before putting his own on. The sleeves of his gray sweatshirt bunched up around his wrists as he settled them over his eyes, causing you to nervously gulp. How did he always manage to look cute no matter what? It wasn’t fair.

You pulled the goggles on as well, trying to focus your attention on the lab as opposed to how completely adorable Peter looked at the moment. His head was downturned, hands fiddling with the various beakers and formulas spread across the wooden table.

“Okay, so first we need to grab the nitric acid,” Peter mumbled, reaching across the table to grab the bottle of clear liquid. You felt your arm stiffen as his shoulder brushed against it when he leaned over. Tentatively making eye contact, you didn’t even need a mirror to know that the blush spreading across your cheeks was like wildfire. Since when were his arms so muscular?

Peter cleared his throat, grip tightening on the bottle of acid that was now in his palm. You two broke eye contact, but not before you noticed that he was blushing too. He was blushing too, holy crap, he was blushing too-

His shoulder was still pressed against yours when he looked back down at the instruction sheet, moving back slightly to put the bottle of chemicals down onto the surface of the table. You diverted your eyes, knee bouncing up and down nervously. The warmth of his arm was spreading through your whole body, it was like he was igniting a legitimate fire inside of you, and you really didn’t want to move but you also felt like the contact was rendering you incapable of forming coherent sentences.

You gulped again, forcing the breath catching in your throat to release itself. Peter still hadn’t met your gaze again. “Um, so-” He muttered, voice raised in pitch ever-so-slightly, but enough for it to be noticeable. His eyes went wide, the redness engulfing his face darkening in color.

“I think we need to mix it with, u-uhm…” You forced yourself to actually speak so you weren’t just sitting there looking useless.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, the-” Peter began, but stopped abruptly as he felt you shift in your seat, leaning hesitantly over his shoulder to get a better look at the beakers he was messing with. Now, not only was your entire arm pressed up against his, but your head was over his shoulder and he could smell your coconut shampoo because of how close in proximity you were and he couldn’t even form words anymore and-

Your head moved backward fast as you heard the loud noise of glass clanging together. Immediately jolting back in surprise, Peter and your arms quickly disconnected.

The beaker on the table was on fire. It was literally in flames - holy shit, you’d just started a fire. You heard all of the classmates around you collectively gasp at the almost movie-esque sight in front of you.

“Peter! Oh my God!” Standing up, the feeling in your veins a terrible mixture of embarrassment and shock, you didn’t even think before grabbing his arm and yanking him back from the fire. By now, your teacher had noticed the situation and was already using the classroom fire extinguisher to diminish the flames.

If you thought you were blushing before, you were practically a freakin’ fire hydrant by then.

In the chaos, you didn’t even bother to release your tight hold on Peter’s arm. He hadn’t seemed to mind. In fact, as you two stood back a couple of feet from the lab table, watching your furious teacher put out the fire you’d created, your whole bodies were against each other. The heat of the moment (pun intended) made the awkwardness and the nerves melt away.

You remained in contact as your teacher finished extinguishing the flames, and as she basically screamed her head off at you both, and as she wrote out the detention slips.

The bell actually rang in the middle of her writing out the pieces of bright yellow paper printed with “CONDUCT INFRINGEMENT” in bolded letters across the top. The rest of the class had already packed up their materials, rushing out of the doors with hushed whispers about the mess you two had made pouring out of their mouths.

It wasn’t until the bell for the beginning of the next class rang when you remembered your Spanish test. Your Spanish test. Oh, for heaven’s sake. At least you had the remainder of your lunch period to cram in some more studying, even though at that point the exam was the last thing on your mind.

When your teacher finally finished writing out the slips and she handed them over to you with a disappointed sigh, you and Peter quickly hurried to collect your books and leave the room. Once in the hallway, your pace sped up to a fast-walk to your locker, but after only a few steps more you felt an arm grab your wrist, stopping you.

You spun around, confused eyes meeting the warmth of your lab partner’s, who seemed to be gazing at you with sorrow. Opening your mouth to speak, he cut you off. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I was the reason we both got detention. I’m so sor-”

“Pete!” You tugged gently on the sleeve of his sweatshirt, and his eyes slowly lit up. It was the first time you’d called him that, and quite frankly, it made his stomach churn. “It was equally as much my fault as it is yours. You have nothing to apologize for, it’s not even that big of a deal.”

“B-but detentions go on your record here and, I just, I don’t know, I feel bad…” Peter murmured, his eyes never faltering from yours. He looked so genuinely upset, you could feel your heart clench.

“Peter. Parker. Stop. I. Am. Not. Upset.” Pulling him closer towards you, you squeezed his forearm. He kept looking at you. “I promise, now let’s go, we’re standing in the middle of an empty hallway when you could be at lunch helping me study for Spanish. C’mon!”

Peter’s brown eyes lit up even more, somehow shining even in the horrid lighting of the hallway. Yet again, you tugged on his arm, making him fall into step next to you. Except for this time, you mustered up enough courage to let your hand slip from his forearm down into his. “For a being juvenile delinquent, you’re pretty cute, you know that?”

TAGS: @nedslaptop​ @annabethchasedmagnus​ @friendly-neighborhood-spideyman @curly-haired-crisp​ @whosdude @harrysbbby​ @kaliforniacoastalteens @killaren​ @mrsmusicaddict​ @mindfullyyeah @newtsscamxnders​ @trickyholland​ @harrysfetuscurls​ @i-cannot-believe-​ @lilyannez​ @aevngurs​ @stephie-senpai​ @underoosqueen​ @jvghead-jones-iii​ @andreagracing @twentychemicalpanics​ @maria-francis​ @wannabenice​ @scottmccallmeup​ 

[freshfromthegraveyard]

Bullying.

Super random.

As a kid who was bullied less by other students and more so by teachers.

I was bullied for my brain not matching my exterior. Being an embassy brat, when I came to the US for school I often was and still act like a foreigner in my own country. But I am a blonde white girl. So this was never well received. Not grasping certain things was seen as an act, or attention seeking. If I had the nerve to correct a teacher on something about a country I lived in. I was shot down in a publicly humiliating manor to ensure I knew my place. If I looked like someone from that country I gurantee they would have actually opened up the floor for me to discuss my homeland.

When I did start gaining weight due to an emotional trigger. I did still for some reason always maintain confidence in other areas. Like I knew I was getting chubby and fatter. But was like meh, whatever I'm still smart, funny and can draw. Heck I'm still a beast in PE. Running sucks but I can still do other shit. So I wasn't always picked last. I still had friends. If my weight was mocked I kind of got it and was like yah I did get fat but I can loose it. I was always active so it was never hard to lose a lil chub. Sadly I did go way past chub into super fat town and man losing that shit was hard and daunting. Still was the same me no matter what school I went to. Still made friends.

The only people I got super offended by when they made fun of my weight was the teachers. Because again, your an Adult picking on a kid. That is a low blow a cheap shot. Remarkably my bad grades have nothing to do with being fat. I don't go home and be like oh donuts well no time for school work. I will always have a learning disability, and a massive sleep disorder. Meds do help. I hate being one of THOSE people who fall under the excuses department but it is like night and day. It is not as simple as stfu and pay attention. I even got mad at myself thinking I was dumb because of this. Like yup, those honors classes you take now are just because of the meds. Your actually an idiot. Why do you take those AND a special class, why do you still take your tests in the library or have to read in total silence? Your dumb that's why! So I went off my meds to prove a point. The point wound up being my grades dropped and everything was so much more of a struggle. The stress was awful. It was the stupidest thing I could have done to myself. But just in case other generations feel that learning disabilities are cop outs. Please know. They aren't. Infact some people get tested for adult learning disabilities and it changes their lives.

Anyway, on back to bullying.

At one school, when I was first gaining the weight. I still had friends. I was still given the frog eye because of my white girl forgienerism, thankfully at that time I was in a private school and the teachers did not bully me about it because new flash private schools get military brats. Though I always had to write papers on countries I hadn't been to. Good call actually.

But here is the kicker. Though my bullying did not really start until public schools. Again I cannot stress enough that what was done by teachers was far more damaging then anything some kid could say.

I did, possibly unlike some bullied.

I always noticed who else was bullied.

I'm an odd lil bird in that, while I could be entirely self absorbed and be all about me. I remember who and why other kids for bullied.

I bet most people will think since I got bullied for being plump I only root for body positivity of the plump sort. You couldn't be more wrong.

The ONE person who had it the worst at the private school, was a tall lanky girl. She wanted the same thing all us girls wanted. To be like the cool girls at the time. She was thin due to her incredible metabolism, and her height, she was shy, and due to being made stand out, only getting shier. She was one of the first people I remember talking on my first day of school other then Rosemary a girl who just was genuinely cute and nice. I've yet to meet a Rosemary who wasn't. I get a whisper from a fellow student not to talk to this thin girl too much. I'm like.....why? Their like, well she's just kind of strange. I'm like, I'm new, so logically I'm gonna be the resident strange kid for a while. But how is she strange exactly. She just seems quite. Their like exactly. I'm like, 11 and confused af. I'm like, wait why is being quite weird in a bad way? Before I could spit most of that out the teacher agree on my suggestion of being quite. Being a embassy brat, I had NO probably striking up new convos with perfect strangers. Ie kids at a school I just met. Before the hell that was HS. I was anything BUT shy. When you move around a lot you need to make friends fast. That and I was born not giving a shit and thinking I was the shit. Before the weight gain I assure you I was cute as hell with attitude to spare. So I was not entirely wrong.

I didn't let this why is silent bad thing go. I still talked to this mysterious thin girl. I sat with her at lunch. Prior to that I kept asking why her just being quite was bad. They said it just made them uncomfortable. I did ask the obvious of did it ever occur to you guys that you treating her weird makes her silent. Their like no she came that way. I couldn't argue because a lot of these kids did know eachother since kindergarten so ya know. They maybe right even if it is wrong. In case you have not guessed. Being raised an only kid, overseas you have bennies of being treated like an adult and being more logical then a kid the same age. Hence why I sound more adult in this story cuz I always was even if I still enjoyed childish endeavors *Like I still do*

Here is the heart breaker. The thin girl at lunch enjoyed my company. I made her laugh a lot that day and got her talking *novel concept when you reach out to someone* at the end of lunch though. She said, this was nice but ya know you shouldn't really hang around me the other kids will black ball you. I'm like yeah, I don't care. She's like no, you should. I appreciate it, but another group has tried and the other kids make life hard on them. I'm like well I extra don't care. I said your kind of in luck. I don't stay at schools very long so by the time they do that to me I will probably be moving. Plus being the new kid I will be resident weirdo for a while. I can play dumb for a long time and befriend the black balled.

I told her which, I don't get why. I said, being shy is the last reason someone should be pushed aside. Granted it took me a few times to get you to talk BUT I gotcha damnit *swearing in Catholic school woot* *at a whisper less woot*

So I made friends, with the very group she spoke of who had made efforts to friend her. I also was friends with other groups. Including 2 class clowns, 2 twin black girls who too me for forever to realize they were twins. I had one jerk kid who ironically was a pretty chubby dude to be so judgy about me being a chubby chick. But I still was friends with thin girl be damned. Needed a book shared in class and no one would share with her. ME! And don't be fooled our one class clown never had a homework buddy because surprise ppl thought he couldn't be serious. ME! I think the funniest thing that happened at that school was rainy day recess where class was divided up for games. Started up with normal dictionary teams. Then Okay Megan is really good at this, let's pair her with the one person who isn't. Okay still really good at this both drawing and guessing. Let's make the team's be class vs Megan. It's only fair. Sorry it still amuses me. My one glory day.

Back to bullying.

Though at the private school, bullying was far minimal. and kids really had to be imaginative. Since we all wore uniforms. Kids had to be like, well they make us laugh, but he's probably not serious about his hw. Woo. Wow. Lame. She's too quite. So lame. She's too smart. All of these are so damn lame. And let's face it none are bad qualities. Sorry the kid finds hw boring and is a quick whit. You actually have to be smart to be fast in humor. She's quite. So she's reserved and actually nice if you reach out. Your only too smart if you can't use your book sense.

Now, public school. Girl was made fun of for being too thin, having the nerve to go through puberty *ie acne* and also was very shy, if not stand offish, not dressing nice enough. If anything, id say she tried to look her worst regardless of what students said. I could go on about warning signs this child had. My mom caught them instantly. Did the school? NO

Turns out she was being molested by her stepdad. Like, srsly. My mom met her once and got it. Oy. So sad. I have a lot of guilt for not being able to communicate better with her though.

Anyway, another girl, got made fun of for having big boobs which she hated especially during PE. I don't blame her.

Yet another girl made fun of for being too thin. She was petite and had all brothers. So she was small and mean.

Another girl was shaped more like a guy and strong. She excelled in some PE sports but still made fun of.

Guys, same deal. If they had curly hair that's a pain to style. Chubby but not good at sports. And idky other kids care if you are good at grades or not? Like, we all have the same hw if you can spell congrats. Some ppl have dyslexia so ya know kindly fuck off.

Why does a grade make you popular or not?

It's odd to me. It's like, you need to get good grades but not TOO GOOD cuz then your too smart and it's also weird. Public school bullying. Lawd have mercy. Talk about a new level of awful.

Again, I was attacked publically by teachers. Who decided I was infact fat and stupid and somehow cheating at art?

I had art taken away from me as it was a distraction. Since I was bad at reading out loud all of my work was to be delivered in this fashion. I corrected a teacher on some foreign affairs, as he got locations, pronunciation, law, and well just a fucking lot wrong about a country I lived in for so long. I held myself back on so much but it was like he was getting everything confused with an entirely different country. For one thing he was still mentioning a city by it's old name. Like omg update

your book man!!! When I finally sad something he blew a stack and made sure everyone in the class was aware of how fat and ignorant I was.

When I told my parents. Boy did they come undone. At the parent teacher conference this same teacher said "if Megan would put down the donuts and study this wouldn't be an issue" yah my dad pinned him to a wall by his neck. Mind you this was after he had already

Made repeated digs at me, my family, and pretty much anything we could stand for. My parents also made the argument that if a student was a concert pianist or a ballet dancer. Would they take away their craft? No. So why take away my art? Both piano and ballet are considered art. Needless to say this battle of the teachers vs parents and all the horrible things they said and did was not over. Two shrinks were involved, and the state was called in. Their shrink and our shrink. The shrinks wound up agreeing and asked the state to come in for a learning disability test. Hence me first getting diagnosed. The shrinks also needed the teachers to understand something. They brought my mom in, since the one teacher now feared my father *not that my mom couldn't take him* the teachers sat down, the shrinks showed them pics of me thin and active and the dates. They show me chubby then thin again due to being an active kid. They then ask when my recent weight gain started. My mom didn't even hesitate she just took off her wig from cancer to reveal her bald head and said about when this happened. She said she was studying to finalize some culinary school work at a local college. She said she knows her daughter felt food was an emotional way to be close to her. My shrink said. Sometimes fat is better then too thin. You can lose fat. You can't undo the damages of too thin if bulimia sets in.

So you'd think the teachers would back off. Ha. No. That one male teacher persisted that everyone has problems and I needed to suck it up. I was now all of 12. He loved making fun of me. I also noticed, though I was his favorite to pick on. I was not alone. He hated anyone who could not read out loud flawlessly. He hated anyone who was not athletic and bragged about his triathlons to this day I get an eye tick around the word. Friend of mine was a solid A student. Read flawlessly outloud. But guess what she had some small kid pudge on her. The second her history teacher went into his class. There goes her straight As. She got a B- in his class. Never on tests with multiple choice, just written work and general performance. Ya know subjective stuff. Not shady at all. Mom got wind and had enough. She sat in his class one day. In my friends class no less. Not mine on purpose. She sat their and made fun of him the way he did us. She's like hey kids, I know this guy makes fun of all the students. Let's make fun of him the same way. Isn't he kind of short? Like really short. I met his wife, he must use a step ladder to kiss her. He's also bald. Notice how he only keeps pictures of himself in tight triathlon clothes or old pics with long hair. Think he's compensating for something?? Who keeps pics of themselves on their desk!?! My husband has his family. Self centered much?

And what's with those triathlons anyway?

We notice you hate fatties. Were you a fatty? Do you run from calories? Did a fatty break your heart? What is it? Why do you hate them So? She's like, actually, it doesn't matter. Whatever your problem is it should not be taken out on children. My mom continued. She's like, ya know why he picks on you kids. One your the only people smaller then him. Two he is to cowardly to stand up to other adults. My husband pinned him against a wall and his eyes nearly popped out of his head from terror. Yeah. All talk this little fart. He obviously was livid talking over her saying she can't do this, he's calling the cops for trespassing.

Apparently when she opened the room up to the kids to pick at him they had a bunch of weird shit they noticed he does. One kid said he's just jealous because everyone likes his wife as a teacher better. That's why he made her stay home with the kids or keep having a kid. She's like everyone liked her? Whole room was like best teacher award every year!

Lol this dude didn't speak for days he was just fuming. It got better when, guess what my mom met his wife and put on her best cute, sweet innocent lady routine. I remember walking to our truck, douche teacher behind me. *cuz of course I had to stay after in his class for some kind of punishment*

His wife was all smiles at my mom, looked over at him with such a look. My mom had an evil smile looking at him like. Checkmate mother fucker. I sat in the truck, waiting for her. Dressed daper. Smiling. She sets behind the wheel, we drive off. She's like well we tried the proper channels first. He made me play dirty but I assure you the war is over.

So, turns out, his wife was a loved teacher BECAUSE she had a lot of patience for her students and taught both standard and kids with learning disabilities. So to say she was understanding is an understatement. I mean, my mom didn't know this when speaking to her. It was actually a whim, when she saw her while waiting to pick me up and just got to talking.

Anyway, the point of this INSANELY long post.

Is as a kid that was not so much bullied by peers as much as by teachers. I also was not always bullied about my weight as much as just being considered an attention seeking liar THEN my intelligence and weight was thrown in for extra damage.

It is true, the book by its cover. I am still a foreigner in a American white girl body. I still have some wires crossed. I still don't know all customs or referrences. My spelling is bad. My accent isnt. Family was 2 people. My perspective is Global. Africa, Asia, an American Farm is my background.

Bullying, just cuz I got fat. Doesn't mean I didn't see the people who got made fun of for being too thin. Before I stopped struggling in school. I noticed kids got bullied for their grades. As if the school and parents are not going to add enough pressure. If you have a talent that is not a sport or a musical instrument. You are not of value. Which is funny in a society that worships actors and models. All of whom rarely look a thin like they look like now in school.

There have been a lot of school shootings over the years. I remember when Columbine happened.

Remember early on in my status of the thin girl? Regardless of people telling me again and again that I would be some social pyria for being nice to her. I still did it. Over and over. I did more to make myself look stupid then she ever could have. Nothing ever happened to me because of her. Even if it had. I wouldn't have cared. Because I had a friend in her. We would at least be weirdos together was my logic.

If you make the effort. More then once. Because some shells are really hard to crack. Because some people have been hurt a lot. At least you tried. In COLLEGE none the less. My roommate and I met quite possibly the most socially awkward creature alive. We tried repeatedly to make friends or at least make peace with this creature. To no damn ivale. Senior yr this person asked me why no one likes them. I told them that wasn't fair because we all have made efforts to involve them in groups, shinnangans, hang out, we even through JUST them a birthday party. We have all made the effort. It's a two way street. I said basically you want friends like robots. You want us to turn on when you want us and power down in an instant when you are done with us and offer nothing in return. You also cannot be rude to ppl and expect forgiveness when there is really no foundation or trust built. We can say honest things because we know that friend is a friend and is sincere and cares for our best interest. You tend to think blurting out something offensive saying no offensive it's just my opinion and smiling is some how okay. It's just awkward.

So in that particular occassion. 4 years. My friend and I, as well as others. Genuinely tried to make friends or something with this person. Some people just want or view friendship differently. They may find a perfect fit later who is not you. But DAMNIT you tried. With bullying I just want people to reach out.

And if you see someone IN THE PROCESS of being bullied. Get off your ass and intervene.

Believe it or not, confusion is a great tactic.

Say 3 ppl are picking on a kid at lunch in your school. You could approach and interupt. You do not have to get personal. If they pick on you next. Point that out. Like what tools they are that that is all they can do. Bring friends over to help break it up. Honestly when I say confusion is a great weapon I mean it. Make up gibberish and start talking like that. Speak another language the bullies won't know. Anything that will just frustrate them and make them leave. Essentially your goal is to not engage with them, be as annoying as possible and make them leave. Another strategy is to be as agreeable as possible, so sickeningly friendly that they also lose their momentum. Gauge your situation, the energy and see which would work best. They sound absurd but diffusing a situation is far better.

The key is, don't sit by and let someone suffer.

Don't join in. Also guess what. As juicey and fun as gossip seems especially in school. Guess what, it's usually lies and incredibly harmful. If you partake you are an accessory to bullying. Shocking I know.

Learning how stop gossip in it's tracks when you are young is a great life lesson.

Sadly you will run into gossip at all stages of life. So stopping it, ...as best you can. When your young. Can safe a life!

The thing about gossip. If people don't have good dirt on someone, they will make shit up. Movies like Mean Girls and Easy A point this out. I've heard gossip about myself or friends and some is almost laughable how ridiculous it is. But going up to someone and being like hey is it true this that or the other. Or treating them different all of a sudden. As if we also don't hear the whispers.

Gossip is just a form of bullying. So think about it as being an accessory to a crime. It is equally as serious. Like a crime, you have the power to stop it.

So many people talk of the mass shootings, what about the kids who are as young as 8 taking their own lives due to bullying.

I really cannot stress enough, to please, if you see someone being bullied. Help that victim in the moment. Step in, bring back up. Be confusing. Be nice. Be whatever it takes to save a life or lives.

Also it is clear the bullying is caused from something. Usually bullies are being bullied themselves or have some sort of problem.

I remember reading one story of a bully who came unhinged over the smallest thing. Would lie in wait and actually burned another child with scalding hot water. Now that story was a case for mental illness. Which brings me to a situation. If a person is a bully and being bullied by someone else. Like another sibling, a parent, or so forth. That is rough because really not everyone can afford counseling which is what that would require. Next if someone is displaying violence due to a mental illness that too would require counseling, psychiatric and possibly medication down the road. All expensive.

It's not fair that mental healthcare of any kind is a luxury. When no one chooses to have mental health issues. Most insurance companies only allow so many visits. Not nearly enough to scratch the surface of a garden much less the human mind. Plus if medication was involved, that is such an arguous process. Any mental health medication is a huge battle of trial and error and all medications take a while to get into your system. For one to be properly judged for mental health, has to be in your system long enough for you to have had your moods elevated. Essentially were you challenged at all in 6 months time? Did you have a reason to get angry, or be depressed. Anything to trigger mood swings to see how the medication altered your brains reaction.

I mean damn. That is a lot to wait for, and rarely does the first shoe fit.

After working in a local ER. I realized how sad, and how many holes are in our health care system. How long people have to wait to see anyone. How long for a room to become available. How short your treatment is.

At the same turn. When you come across none feeling bullies. The type they tell young kids to kill themselves. That hound them every day and night. Stalk them on any outlet they can find. Because they have nothing better to do then bring one person misery. When do they become accountable?

I do believe some bullies need help to stop the cycle. I also believe some have shown signs that they live a charmed life, are not bullied themselves and show no signs of a mental illness. They have admitted to just being board. *maybe the mental illness is in the path family ;>_>*

Anyway, for those few bullies that qualify. I just wonder if they should be held accountable for say a wrongful death. If the person they taunted or catfished killed themselves.

I often think that because bullying has no consequences that that is why it continues.

That if it had something truly scary to face. Maybe then kids would cut the shit.

We all know, those who have been bullied. That if you talk to an authority figure. Absolutely NOTHING happens. You still get bullied.

ladies. Hahaha isn't that rich?

And what of those rare occasions where those teachers where beaten by students on a gang like scene? What then?

Or in reverse in my situation? Where I was bullied for the majority of my life BY the faculty. Who do I turn to in a school and say, your staff is picking on me?

My last job had a bullying situation.

It was unbelievable to watch unfold. It wasn't even in my department per say. In the employee handbook it said they took bullying seriously. They had a senior staff member who was a out of control bully. She had great work history, but I guess her head got too big. She bullied everyone something awful and they lost countless people due to it. Here's the thing, while she did EVENTUALLY get fired for bullying. It took a while. A lot of new employees where very honest about why they were leaving. Many current employees made it known that all the reasons things never progressed or moral was low was bullying. Apparently this was brought up in staff meetings but went no where. It finally came to a head when they got a new boss on the floor, and a long time employee moved from one department down to that one. I guess her statement was more believable then that of new employees saying I'm leaving because I was bullying.

The thing that bothers me is. A why would a new employee lie? A new employee wants to fit in. They want to do there best. They have to learn the motion of the ocean real quick. They wanted that job. I doubt they wanted to leave that job so quickly. For one it never looks good on a resume. Do you know how defeating it is to be bullied that bad into leaving?

That is why I find it sad they did not listen to the previous statements. I understand that for a bullying case to stick. I guess they needed plenty of evidence. I know they certainly had it.

But in the case of schools. A friend of mine teachers whee toddlers. From babies to 3yr olds. And she has told me how early they start bullying.

Back to my statement on whether it's mental illness, they are being bullied elsewhere or if nothing at all is wrong. Are factors. Because listening to her. She has seen all three that young already and it's like wow if you can catch it that early. Again we could save lives on both sides of the situation.

Sorry random memory lane. Coupled with some random thoughts about current events.

[gurenaii]

My SS Analysis (Part One)

 SasuSaku. A canon pairing between Uchiha Sasuke and Haruno Sakura.

I posted earlier that I wanted to do one of these, so here this is!

This is an analysis for only part one, not for Shippuden. It’s too long for one for Part One as it is.

I spent a long time on this and I’m really proud of how this came out. In this I’ll be addressing some, if not most arguments against the ship and I’ll be using the manga and databooks as well; not the anime. I’m getting the manga translations an screenshots from Kissmanga.

I’ll also be doing this with an open mind, while inputting my own thoughts as a shipper of SS.

Now, let’s begin.

WARNING: THIS IS VERY LONG, THOUGH ITS MAINLY THE AMOUNT OF MANGA PANELS THAT MAKE IT LONG...

CHAPTER 3

When Sasuke and Sakura are officially introduced to the series, Sakura is shown and described by Naruto:

Naruto has a lil crush on her, and she’s shown as a Sasuke fangirl shortly after.

Sasuke then gets introduced right after, described as the class heartthrob.

Then yes, Sakura is officially portrayed as a girl who has a crush on Sasuke, a fangirl of his. And he pays no attention to her advances. As well of two girls there hissing “who does she think she is” which I find kinda funny by the way. It also proves the whole “class heartthrob” comment by Naruto, it’s shown that not only Sakura, but other girls also have a crush on him. Though it’s based on his looks and his coolness as the rookie.

He ignores all the advances by his fangirls. Right after Naruto comments how Sakura looks totally ecstatic while she has heart eyes at Sasuke. And then the little funny comical scene happens where Sasuke and Naruto kiss accidentally.

Let’s skip ahead a bit. We get to where Iruka is pairing up the three person squads. Team Seven is paired together as: Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke.

Skipping ahead again...

After Sasuke gets free from the restraints Naruto put on him he finds Sakura who was basically just in an encounter with Naruto disguising as Sasuke. He obviously doesn’t know about that and he asks where Naruto is and Sakura does her little rant about how he keeps ‘getting in between them’ and how he has no parents and how kids with none grow up selfish and annoying, then right after he tells her that being scolded by your parents doesn’t compare with loneliness. Sakura is oblivious to this and then Sasuke calls her annoying then leaves.

Some SS Shippers I now have said that he didn’t really think of her as truly annoying here, but yes, he did. She rambled about something that hit his nerves. He was actually annoyed at her here.

So here, he isn’t very fond of her.

CHAPTER 4

We are introduced with this cover which is really nice foreshadowing by the way.

Where they are talking about themselves, while Sakura talks about herself like everyone else did, this happens:

Take it as embarrassment or moved, I personally think he’s embarrassed since she’s basically fawning over him in front of his teacher and yeah. I also think he’s just embarrassed because this takes after he called her annoying, where he wasn’t really liking her.

CHAPTER 6

After Kakashi puts Sakura under a genjutsu of Sasuke on the verge of death, she screams and passes out. Meanwhile Sasuke hears the scream:

CHAPTER 7

After Kakashi sends Sasuke underground, Sakura arrives and believes that she’s seeing his severed head and passes out again.

She wakes up to see Sasuke leaning over her, he waited for her to wake up to see if she’s okay or not, despite wasting his time.

She sees that he’s fine, not dead, and hugs him in relief, and he reassures her that he’s fine and tells her to let him go now.

And he explains to her how it’s almost noon and time is running out (cough, and yet he stayed with her until she woke) and that he almost got the bells last time.

*clears throat*

I don’t think this is embarrassment. What even is there to be embarrassed about? Nobody else is around except for Sakura. And there isn’t any reason to be.

Boy, I see you.

After, she says how “there’s always next time!” and that he should give up, and then he opens up to her by saying:

Pretty sure he’s never told anyone this yet other than briefly hinting it when he was describing his likes, dislikes, goals, etc.

Also going to mention she’s concerned here.

And she remembers this.

She may be his fangirl in this part, but she isn’t dumb.

CHAPTER 8

:o

moving on

CHAPTER 9

Included that because I found this panel to be humerus, and that eye smex is a big part of his ship. *giggles*

CHAPTER 10

The team is on a mission and they get attacked. Sakura gets in front of Tazuna with a kunai and tries to protect him, Sasuke goes and gets in front of both of them, if Kakashi didn’t step in here he could’ve died or gotten seriously injured.

Proving the statement wrong: Sasuke didn’t care about anyone or anything in part one, he was only focused on revenge.

Yes, he’s focused on getting stronger and getting revenge. But stepping in front of two people where he could have died, where he would be unable to get his revenge, yeah.

There are also more examples that prove the statement wrong, but I'll go over it when I get to those parts.

Another example that Sasuke does indeed care, even if it’s slight.

Mhm~

CHAPTER 19

During chakra control training, Sakura could easily walk up the tree with ease. Meanwhile Naruto and Sasuke were struggling. Sakura gave Naruto tips, and then after a while...

Sasuke asks Naruto what Sakura told him earlier about the tips, with a blush on his face.

You can interpret it as a blush of embarrassment or a blush that he’s interested in her, I take it as embarrassment. I mean, he obviously isn’t one for asking people for help or advice and he’s embarrassed that he had to ask Naruto of all people.

CHAPTER 26

Another example that Sasuke does care for his comrades this early on in the story. He heard Sakura scream and was panicked that something bad might’ve happened to her and Kakashi back there.

CHAPTER 27

Another example that he cared or his comrades this early on...

CHAPTER 31

Then comes the scene where Sakura see’s Sasuke’s supposedly dead body.

-And she is shocked to see this.

You can see it in her expression. She’s shocked that the Sasuke, top rookie in the class whom she praise to be cool and good at everything he does, is laying down dead in front of her.

And she’s holding her emotions back now. She states that this isn’t an illusion this time and says he feels cold, rather than the warmth that he’s supposed to have and that confirms it in her mind that he’s actually dead.

She is holding her emotions back until Tazuna says that it’s alright for her to shed tears.

Sakura hears this, and talks about how she always got good grades on all her tests in school.

And she states the 25th rule of the Shinobi Conduct, and finally lets her emotions out and she cries.

This moment here, I think opened her eyes about how anything could happen, and how easily she could lose somebody. I also think this moment, her character develops. She obviously really cares about him more; more than his looks or his “coolness” or else she wouldn’t be crying this hard.

If she truly didn’t care about him then she wouldn’t be this affected by it.

CHAPTER 33

Sasuke hears someone crying and recognizes it to be Sakura.

And he wakes up.

She is grateful that he’s alive, and quickly hugs him. This is like a parallel to chapter seven, except this one has more emotion and it’s more meaningful.

While she hugs him he tells her he’s hurting him so she lets go and apologizes. And Sasuke’s eyes are concealed.

He tries to get up and she is against it, because he might  worsen the wounds he already has. He reassues her (just like chapter 7) that he’s all right and asks about the situation about Naruto and Haku and she answers him.

CHAPTER 34

No, he didn’t insult her. He reminded her that instead of flirting, she should work on her skills more. Sasuke is Sasuke. He’s blunt about his thoughts and he’s not afraid of letting them out.

If you want to know what or who he insults, it’d be Naruto from the amount of times he’s called him an idiot and made fun of him.

Calling someone an idiot (which is making fun of how smart they are) and mentioning to someone that they should they should practice on their skills instead of using their time of flirting are two different things. You can take it as an insult, but just don’t forget he’s called Naruto a variety of things that are rude.

Also, again, Sasuke is extremely blunt.

She actually even admits that he’s right.

CHAPTER 36

The next day, Sakura is still reminded of what Sasuke told her the day before. She’s reluctant to join the chunin exams because she knows she isn’t good like Naruto or Sasuke are.

And Sakura puts on a front, and Sasuke of all people saw right through her.

When two people are standing in front of a door, not letting anyone through to enter the exams.

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura come up and see this and:

And:

He compliments Sakura on her genjutsu immunity skills in front of everyone, winks at her, and has a smile on his face when see sees that her mood has been lifted to happiness.

CHAPTER 38

This is quick, but:

After Sasuke’s fight with Lee, Sasuke is falling and Sakura saves him from falling and hurting himself.

And she asks if he’s alright because she’s genuinely worried.

CHAPTER 47

While in the Forest of Death, when Orochimaru approaches Sasuke and Sakura and forces them to see their death and are paralyzed, they cannot move.

Sasuke looks over and notices Sakura cannot move either, and that she’s shaking from fear.

And he needs to do something. He needs to get them both out of there alive, so he stabs his leg and goes to get Sakura out of there.

And she tries to talk to him and he puts his hand over her mouth to shut her up so he can think of a plan to get them out of the situation.

She also notices that he’s more jumpy and that she’s never seen him like that before, and she’s worried about that.

CHAPTER 48

We’re given this as a part of a cover. (I don’t know if you noticed but I’m putting the covers here as well)

CHAPTER 49

Something that we haven’t seen from Sakura yet, is if she’s as submissive to Sasuke as she usually acts.

She may seem like she doesn’t, but she doesn’t take shit from him, and she’ll call him out if she ever needs to or if it’s necessary.

And what she says here, pushes him to snap out of it and then he proceeds to fight Orochimaru.

And when he loses and gets bitten, getting the curse mark, Sakura is angry and wants and demands to know what Orochimaru did to Sasuke.

After not much of an answer she goes to try to comfort him, to try to help him in any way.

And their hands get intertwined, Sasuke squeezing hers, trying to ease the pain he’s getting.

She pulls him close to try to ease the pain, trying to figure out what to do and what’s happening to him.

She is NOT taking advantage of him. She is NOT trying to take advantage of him. She’s worried about him and she’s trying to figure out what to do to help.

CHAPTER 50

Sakura is taking care of both Naruto and Sasuke.

And she is determined to protect the both of them.

CHAPTER 51

She’s taking care of them to the point where she isn’t letting herself sleep. If she didn’t care about them dearly, she wouldn’t be doing this, and she wouldn’t be this determined.

When three sound ninjas come in and want to fight Sasuke, and Sakura obviously declines, he’s still injured. So she demands answers about the mark on Sasuke’s neck, and about Orochimaru.

CHAPTER 53

It shows that she has liked Sasuke ever since she was really young.

Later on, she tries to protect them as well as Lee, now, and she gets pulled by the hair by a sound ninja.

She goes on in her head about how she feels llike a burden, and how she always has to be protected. She wants to protect the people she cares about, and now she feels useless, like she just gets in the way. And so she then cuts her hair to get free from Kin’s grip on her.

CHAPTER 54

Sakura thinks about how her teammates protect her, and how she just watches them from the back.

She thinks of her teammates + Lee, and guess who’s right in the center.

She then proceeds to fight for her teammates.

A series of flashbacks show with Io and Sakura, and it’s revealed that, again, she’s like Sasuke ever since she was at a young age, and she didn’t even know he was popular and that a lot of girls liked him, too. She didn’t start liking him because he was popular.

CHAPTER 55

Sasuke wakes up.

...But it isn’t the sight she thought she’d see.

Sasuke wakes, the curse mark is active, and he’s angry at seeing how injured Sakura is and demands her to tell him who hurt her.

He is pissed.

The background behind Sakura is black, and I learned recently that when the background of a panel is black, the thing in it is the sole focus of a character is looking at.

It indicates her state of injury is the one thing he’s focused on at the moment. That is the reason he’s so angry after all.

CHAPTER 56

Sakura is worried about the marks on Sasuke’s body, and she points it out.

And he reassures her that there’s nothing to worry about and that he feels strong with power.

And once again. he opens up to her.

And yes he gets even more pissed. Especialy when he figures out who hurt Sakura.

Also, he pays no mind to anyone else around, not Naruto who’s right next to him, he woke up demanding who hurt Sakura, not Naruto, not Lee, not why or who these people are, but who hurt her.

He then goes to defeat Zaku by breaking his arms right out of his sockets, and then goes to the other standing sound ninja.

Sakura notices that this isn’t the Sasuke she knows, this isn’t him.

She then takes it upon herself to try to stop him, so she runs up to him screaming for him to stop, and pulls him back from behind.

Even if you don’t ship it, you gotta admit this was a very  powerful and well done scene, props to Kishi.

The eye smex:

And then she pleads again but with a softer tone, to stop.

And because of her doing this, the curse mark goes away.

CHAPTER 57

Naruto wakes up, and is alarmed to see Sakura and Sasuke far away, and he notices something.

He notices that something happened to her hair. Not her injuries, her hair.

Sasuke and Ino are not amused xD

CHAPTER 60

Sasuke is determined to get Naruto to get those fish. He’s really into it lmao

And then:

okay then sasuke

This moment isn’t really relevant, but I am doing an analysis on all their interactions, so...

She’s worried about something, and he asks her to explain what she means...if Sasuke didn’t care about her at all and found her hella annoying, he wouldn't have asked her to talk and he wouldn’t be listening to her.

And he’s obvious listening to her proven in a few panels ahead. It is a very important topic. Normal conversation about important matters, nothing more, nothing less.

CHAPTER 61

Another example that she isn’t as submissive to him as some may seem to believe.

:)

CHAPTER 62

Still trying to figure this out...

CHAPTER 63

screeeeech~

riiiiiiiing~

CHAPTER 66

She doesn’t take shit from him...She isn’t as submissive to him as people may think...

He’s pretty shook and alarmed to see her cry like this, especially for him.

She doesn’t want him to get hurt with that mark.

Again: She does not take shit from him.

She doesn’t want to see him suffer, she says it herself.

Some eye smex, though it’s angsty and intense eye smex:

He opens up to her again.

And then he says, not even for your sake.

CHAPTER 68

In the midst of his battle in the preliminaries, the curse mark activates, but he thinks of Naruto and Sakura, and it goes away. He does in fact care for his teammates while people say he doesn't and never did, but he does, and they do have an effect on him.

CHAPTER 69

Apparently, Sasuke made Sakura promise that she wouldn’t mention the curse mark to Naruto, he trusted her to keep the promise...

And she kept it.

CHAPTER 99

Sakura is worried that Sasuke wont show up to the exam.

CHAPTER 111

Sasuke arrives to the match, and Sakura is worried that the curse mark is still there and it might interfere, so she asks Kakashi about it.

And when he answers something positive, her mood gets lifted up.

She isn’t a fangirl anymore. She isn’t obsessed with him anymore. She deeply cares for him as seen here, if she really just liked him for his looks, then she would not have been this worried.

CHAPTER 129

After Naruto jumped into the fight with Gaara, he gets out and goes after Sasuke to attempt to kill him.

But Sakura jumps in front of him with a kunai, wanting to protect him.

If she only cared about Sasuke for his looks, would she have jumped in front of him, knowing full well that she would either die or get extremely injured?

And Sasuke would have probably died if she hadn’t stepped in front of him.

CHAPTER 133

Sasuke gets up, and tells Naruto rescue Sakura from Gaara’s hold, and then to get her and himself out of there. He trusts Naruto to do it.

So he can delay Gaara, so there would be a chance for Naruto and Sakura to get out alive.

If he didn’t care about Naruto or Sakura, he wouldn’t do this. He wouldn’t say this, he wouldn’t call him and Sakura precious comrades to him.

CHAPTER 138

Gaara is defeated, and Sakura is getting free. She’s about to fall when Sasuke goes and catches her before she hits the ground and gently sets her down by Pakkun.

He then looks at her softly and tells Pakkun to take care of her while he goes to check up on Naruto.

CHAPTER 144

Sakura thanks Sasuke for saving her, but he tells her it wasn't him, but it was Naruto.

And she's thankful.

But Sasuke isn't happy with it at all.

He felt that he couldn't do anything, he felt useless. He was unable to defeat Gaara when he was his original opponent, and he wasn't able to prevent Sakura from getting held by him when she stepped in front of him, and because she did so was because he wasn't "strong enough" is what I get from this.

And from then, he wants to get stronger, he wants to make sure he's ahead of Naruto because he's catching up to him at a rapid pace.

CHAPTER 153

After the encounter with Itachi, Sasuke is put in Konoha Hospital, and is in a coma. Sakura is shown sitting at his bedside.

CHAPTER 172

Sakura is shown at Sasuke's bedside when Tsunade arrives in the room.

Tsunade then heals Sasuke and tells Sakura that he'll wake up.

And Sakura starts to cry tears of joy that he'll be okay.

Sasuke wakes up and Sakura immediately embraces him. Sasuke doesn't tell her to let go and lets her hold on and just stays silent. He isn't annoyed or angry that he was embraced by her when he just woke up.

Naruto leaves the room, noticing something (:)) and gives privacy.

Maybe he noticed Sakura's feelings for Sasuke were in fact pure, and maybe there would be a chance he (Sasuke) would return the feeling. Still a mystery, but I like the look on Sasuke's face :)

CHAPTER 173

Sakura is in Sasuke's hospital room cutting apples for him, when he starts to get disturbed.

His encounter with Itachi changed a lot of things with his mindset. This is where things start to really go downhill.

He is disturbed, again, that he wasn't strong enough to defeat Gaara, he wasn't strong enough to prevent Sakura from getting captured, he wasn't strong enough to do anything. Naruto did everything while he sat there injured, he feels weak.

He is so disturbed, he gets angrier and angrier the more he thinks about it, and even smacks the apples Sakura cut for him out of her hand.

He's angry and yeah, things went really downhill. His mindset is completely different. The Sasuke before the Itachi encounter chapters prior to this wouldn't have done this.

He's different, and Sakura notices that something is wrong before anyone else does as proven in a few chapters.

Also, keep in mind he looks away from her after he smacked it out of her hand.

CHAPTER 174

Naruto enters the room, and right off the bat Sasuke looks at him like he was the one who ruined everything, even though he didn't.

They are both alarmed at the look on his face.

Sasuke demands Naruto to fight him, he's really out of it, he's really angry now, he isn't himself.

Naruto agrees, totally oblivious to the way he's acting and agrees to fight him with enthusiasm, while Sakura protests Naruto not to.

CHAPTER 175

Sakura protests no, to cut it out but they don't listen to her.

She notices the darkness now, she notices everything now, before Naruto or Kakashi have. She did experience that certain darkness herself when the curse mark activated and went out of control the first time.

And his darkness really makes an appearance when he goes at Naruto on the rooftop with an intent to kill him.

CHAPTER 176

She jumps inbetween them, and that's what snaps them both out of it, but they can't stop the attack. Thankfully Kakashi stops everything.

Then Kakashi states how they were too into it to be just a normal fight. And there, it's proven by what Kakashi says and Sasuke's expression that he really was intending to kill Naruto there with the Chidori.

And he gets angrier.

So to those who complain and use Sasuke smacking apples out of Sakura’s hand as the worst thing on the planet that makes the ship bad, keep in mind too that Sasuke was completely out of it and he tried to kill Naruto right after.

CHAPTER 177

Kakashi has a talk with Sasuke, and does nobody remember the crazy look in Sasuke's eyes? No? Nobody is paying attention to what he told Kakashi? And people throw a hissy fit over Sasuke smacking apples out of Sakura's hand and then they ignore the entire reason why he did so, forgetting that he tried killing Naruto and was acting mentally unstable in his conversation to Kakashi right after?

Why is Sasuke smacking apples from Sakura more brought up than this?

And if things couldn't get worse he gets an invitation to go to Orochimaru for power.

CHAPTER 178

Naruto noticed Sasuke's darkness and truly knew his intentions before Sakura who?

"Sasuke wont be tempted by him!"

That's exactly what happens. He decides to leave Konoha because he was tempted by Orochimaru and the four Sound Ninjas.

CHAPTER 181

Heavy chapter...

Sasuke decides to leave, and before he does that he looks at the Team 7 picture...with an expression of longing maybe, or something that indicates when he leaves he'll miss them? It's definitely a pained expression.

Right when he's about to leave Sakura comes and meets him near the gate. She knew he would be leaving, while Kakashi and Naruto assured her that he would be fine and everything would be okay. But she knew.

Another confusing facial expression from Sasuke on the bottom left panel.

She knows he's leaving Konoha.

And she asks why he never tells her anything, and why he's so silent, and why he never lets her in.

But she fails to notice that he let all of Team 7 in, and failed to notice her how he did in fact tell her things he didn't tell anyone else. He has opened up to her in the past but she didn't notice.

And then Sasuke tells her that he shouldn't have to tell her anything, that it's none of her business.

Sakura asks him if he remembers the time he called her annoying at the same exact place they're standing now before when they first became genin. He says he doesn't remember.

sasuke stop talking out of your ass

She talks about the old happy times. How it was so fun during missions with each other and Team 7.

And she tells him that getting revenge wont make anybody happy, including him. And then he tells her that he's different than everyone, and how yes, they worked together for a while. And that yes, maybe, they were a team once. And she starts pleading.

She tells him that how she knows the feeling of loneliness now, and if he left she would feel lonely. (which I didn't necessarily like and i'm a shipper)

But then there's an unknown expression in Sasuke's eyes, which I still fail to see the emotion to this day.

When he refuses, she drops the bomb.

Notice he stops walking, like he just stops.

Also keep in mind he listens to her the entire time. He doesn't interrupt her with a rude ass comment, he doesn't reject her, he just stands and listens to what she has to say.

And then he says:

Creating a complete parallel to when he first called her that in their first actual conversation. Sasuke "I-don't-remember-but-I'll-make-a-parallel-anyway" Uchiha, you really were talking out of your ass when you said you didn't remember...

moving on :)

No, that wasn't a rejection. Sasuke is blunt, and if he really attempted to reject her he would have outright told her: I don't like you, leave me alone, go away, I won't ever return your feelings.

But instead he does a parallel to their first conversation.

Sakura then threatens to scream and yell when he starts walking away, and then he quickly goes behind her and...

He thanks her.

He doesn't say, I don't like you, leave me alone, go away, I wont ever return your feelings. He thanks her.

And Uchiha Sasuke doesn't thank anybody unless he actually, truly means it.

And his eyes are not shown, they are cut off.

And he knocks her out, picks her up and carries her to the nearby bench and sets her down.

If he seriously didn't give a crap about her at all, he wouldn't have wasted his time listening to her confession, he wouldn't have thanked her, he wouldn't have carried her to a bench, he would've knocked her out and left her there with no words spoken from him.

And I've already put down panels showing he indeed cares for all of Team 7. Just because you hate Sakura or the ship doesn't mean you should spout bullshit. He considers all of Team 7 as family, Sakura isn't an exception just because you don't like her or the ship.

CHAPTER 182

The next morning, Sakura's still laying on the bench, and she wakes up. And she remembers Sasuke's "thank you" right off the bat.

I find these panels so very sad. The boy she loves just left to the enemy and walked into the darkness and she couldn't do anything to stop it, all she could do is get a thank you from him and that's it.

CHAPTER 183

Even after Naruto hears of Sasuke's departure, he still can't understand why Sasuke left.

And then Sakura shows up before the Get-Back-Sasuke Squad leaves.

Wait- Shikamaru?

The second time she's reffered to as an "even you" related to Sasuke. First time was when Sasuke told her he couldn't forgive even you.

It's like people around know her importance to Sasuke. She is his teammate after all, she has got to have an affect on him, right? Just like everyone else in Team 7, and Team 7 only at this point.

Moving on, she is heartbroken that she can't do anything else, and all she can do now that she isn't allowed to go with the squad, is to plead Naruto to bring him back, because now he's the only one at this point who can do it, except Naruto would have to do it physically, not having a conversation like Sakura tried.

Honestly if you see this as an obsessed fangirl, I don't know what to tell you anymore.

Even Naruto says it right in the same page.

She does, and it's genuine.

And so Naruto promises her that he'll bring him back.

CHAPTER 236

Sakura goes to visit Naruto in the hospital, and then she hears that the mission failed: They couldn't get Sasuke back.

And she's heartbroken again, but she refuses to show it.

She wants to keep a smile on, to be postitive here even though it's the opposite of what she really feels. She avoids Naruto's apology.

And then shortly later, she approaches Tsunade and asks to be her student.

And she thinks of both Naruto and Sasuke.

She wants to get stronger to protect the ones she loves, and to do that she needs to train hard, and she will (and she did)

That's the finished analysis for part one. Want me to do a Part Two? Doing this was fun despite how long it took me to finish.

I made this for one of my friends who recently just joined the Naruto Fandom and she ships SS, so I made this little analysis for her so it's more understandable.

I actually would like to do more of these but not just for SS...Not sure though, but I do like doing these.

I hope you liked this :D

[lifeinparagraph]

Bittersweet

I got emotional remembering our experiences in our immersion in Home Care for Girls. It was one roller coaster ride, at some point we got tired but the kids never failed to take away our tiredness by their sweet smiles.  This piece is very close to my heart, remembering the good stuffs.

            Immersion is one of the requirements before a grade 12 student can graduate. Everyone was excited and nervous at the same time; we did not know what to expect. It was the day where we had to go to our respective centers. All of us were very anxious, palms were sweating, legs were shaking and smiles that I cannot fathom if it was a genuine one. We bid each other goodbyes and started to travel to our center. We rode in teacher Nene’s car because we did not know the way towards our center. When we got to the center, the first thing we saw was the scary signage of the home care for girls. It was written with red ink and crooked lines! It was like a scene in a horror movie, it seems like it was written with blood, when we saw the signage, my groupmates and I looked at each other and laughed. We knew this will surely be a ten-day challenge for us.

           We got out of the car, with our scared faces. Teacher Nene led the way inside the center. The center was beside Carmen National High School. We can hear some students talking, shouting, teachers having a discussion and etc. Outside the center it has a small row of flowers and a fence surrounding the whole building. It was an old and rusty 2-storey building, its paint in the walls were already chipped, some were peeling of and the materials looked old. When we entered the gate, the guard was the first person who greeted us. She had her sweet smile plastered across her face; her uniform was slightly tight around her. We signed the log book given by the lady guard and the next thing we know kids were rushing towards teacher Nene, hugging her tightly and kissing her.

          It was time to start our day, the kids went back to their rooms after they had hugged teacher Nene. We were also greeted by one of the social workers in the center. Ate Joanne gave us an orientation about the center and about the things that we will do throughout our work immersion period. They let us stayed in the conference room on the second floor of the building where some of the children study and do tutoring. The first thing that we did was we cleaned the center. We swept the floor, mopped the floor, wiped the windows and walls, arranged some of the stuff and cleaned the surroundings. Everyone got busy. It was only ten in the morning but we were sweating so much. While some of us were cleaning there were kids that was slightly interacting with us. Among those kids, the kid that got my attention was this small 3-year-old girl where she kept on giving us “mano”. She kept doing that 5 times just getting our hands and putting it in her forehead. Little did I know, she was the one that will make my heart break.

        Our first day went by a blur, the kids were still not interacting and we cleaned the whole center. That was the most productive thing we did for the first day. We were all physically tired, our bodies became weak, our legs started to cramp and we all want to go home and get a good rest and sleep the tiredness away.

        On our second day, half of the kids decided to interact with us some brought their books and assignments. The center head told us that we can tutor and help the kids with their assignments in school. All of us were busy with the kids, I personally was teaching this 9-year-old kid to read. She was a bit shy at first but she eventually gave in when I started to make jokes and made her laugh. We started with the basic alphabet, I started to sing the alphabet so that she will be able to sing with me and to test if she knows the alphabet. I was amazed when she sang with me, grinning from ear to ear. We continued our tutoring session with a lot of drawings with the letters. My patience was running out but I had to swallow the bile in my throat and kept the smile in my face. I knew I needed to go the extra mile, maybe not just a mile but an extra kilometer for my patience and social skills. The second day was filled with smiles and laughter, the kids were slightly showing us some emotions.

       On our third and fourth day we were getting closer with them each passing day. We played some games to take their boredom away and put some smiles on their faces. We were running around the center, laughing, shouting, and jumping all over the place. We were like kids all over again, we were sweating so much we were tired but we didn’t care. We wanted to make these kids happy. We wanted to hear their laughter. We wanted to take their bad memories away and replace it with happy thoughts and dreams but sadly we all know; at the back of our heads we can never wipe those memories away and we know it will be a scar them forever. Some kids were starting to share their life story, some kept timid and quiet about it. When it was time to go home, I felt something heavy, I can’t process and understand the things they have shared with us. It was like a scene from a movie I didn’t know was possible to happen.

      On our fifth day, I got closer with the kids. They wanted to play with us. We played all the time! Sometimes when we some of my groupmates were not busy, they tend to help the kids with their tasks. It was Friday and all I can think about was going home and get a good sleep. My heart was still heavy, my emotional state was still shocked but still I kept a mask on my face signaling that everything is okay, I am okay. The 3-year-old little girl, got closer with me. She always held my hand, we played endlessly, she was very clingy with me. She kept on hugging and kissing my cheeks, she kept on calling may name, and she even calls me in her sleep. I was getting too attached with this little girl. I still wondered why she is in the center. One of the elder kids told me the little girl’s story. It broke my heart into million pieces and I wasn’t able to sleep that night. It was a weekend after but I wanted to be with her and hug her telling her that “I’m sorry that world was so cruel to you”. All the children in the center got a piece of my broken heart.

       On the last days of our immersion, we have been attached with all of the kids, we were like family. We help them with their tasks such as washing the dishes, cooking their food, cleaning the center and many more. We did not want it to end but sadly we were halfway done with the immersion. On the last few days, laughter and tears were shared. It was time to go we had a short culminating program, where we gave them candies, clothes, and many more. We cooked spaghetti, bought chicken and hotdogs for them to enjoy. We danced Tala their favorite dance craze and everyone had a smile in their face, a bittersweet one. The kids kept telling us not to go but we said we needed to go, but we told them that maybe in the near future we will try to visit them. We left the center for the last time, signed the log book, our tenth day, our last five PM out. On our way out the kids were shouting goodbyes and my heart was beating so fast, I was sad that we were leaving already but I am happy that we have done our service and gave our very best to serve the kids and the community for the greater good. It will always be part of our memories; this memory will surely stay in our hearts.

[rockinhamburger]

Anxiety and Perfectionism

Under a ‘keep reading’ because ugh.

Long story short, earlier this week I got a B on a test that I felt really confident about, and I’ve been in a funk about it since.

Short story long, I’ve been working hard this year to tackle my perfectionist tendencies, largely rooted in my anxiety. I started individual therapy last year and added some group therapy this semester, specifically to address this exact problem I have of feeling extremely anxious and all-around shitty when I don’t receive a grade in the A range.

Apart from financial strain, my perfectionism is the leading cause of anxiety in my life. It is misery wrapped up in bullshit, and I cannot seem to shake it. I’ve had this problem since I started college about 10 years ago, but it’s worsened since I started attending university. In high school, I was not a very disciplined student, partly because I struggled with certain subjects but also because my anxiety was so bad then that it impaired by functioning substantially. I won’t go into the details, but suffice to say I was very depressed and therefore not very motivated or capable of focusing on my studies. That changed during my last two years of high school when I started to find ways around the anxiety and began practicing study skills and focusing more effectively on my academics.

College changed the game for me because my writing, the one area in which I actually excelled, put me at an advantage. I was good at it and I enjoyed it, so I worked really hard. I started getting grades in the A range, and it was an amazing feeling, so amazing it’s hard to describe. However, even when I did pull out an A, I would question why I hadn’t gotten a ‘perfect’ mark (i.e. why 27 out of 30 and not 30 out of 30?). On numerous occasions, I would sit a test and have to fight the impulse to cry when I hit a question (often a single question) that I couldn’t remember the answer to. 

I knew even then that it was a problem, but I only really encountered significant obstacles when I came to university and suddenly the same amount of work I put into an assignment (a lot) was not always enough to achieve all As. My first semester I got an A- and was really quite devastated because my pipe dream (I knew it was a pipe dream) of a 4.0 GPA was already shot. But I tried to feel okay with it; I made a deal with myself that as long as I kept in that A and A- range, it was acceptable. Then I got a B+ my second semester. I really struggled, and yet I was also strangely compassionate towards myself because I knew the subject was challenging and that a B+ was actually really good considering my unfamiliarity with it.

That’s when I realized my perfectionism is tied up with my expectations. If I expect perfect and I don’t get it, then it’s chaos. If my expectations are more reasonable, to do my best or to learn a great deal, then sometimes (but not always) I can be persuaded to have compassion for myself.

Here lies the problem. I went into this particular test with what I felt was a solid grasp of the material, and I left with confidence about my performance. Additionally, the result I received on my first test in this class was in the A range, and I had gone into the class with more measured expectations; I knew the material would be challenging, so I approached that first test with an open mind. I was expecting something in the B range so when I got a higher grade, I was overjoyed and suddenly my expectations jumped up to that range, almost like I had no control over it.

My feelings after this second test complicate the whole thing. Usually, in the space between when I take a test or exam or submit an assignment and when I receive a grade, there’s a period of uncertainty for me. My tendency is to assume I did not do very well, even sometimes believing I have failed, and then having confront the misalignment of feeling and reality when I receive the grade and discover how out of line my assumptions were. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to my friends, “I think I failed that one” or “I don’t know; I don’t feel very confident about it” and then the next time we see each other, I have to explain, sightly embarrassed, that I did really well. That the anxiety was all for naught.

Consequently, I have learned not to trust my inner voice when it comes to that liminal space between performance and result, but on this most recent test I had almost no doubts. The anxiety prodded at me, “Don’t be so sure” but I truly did not believe it.

The realization that it turns out I can’t trust that voice, that the anxiety was right this time? Really hard to come to terms with. And the worst part is it’s not even a bad grade. It’s objectively average, even good.

I know this. I have told myself this whenever I get a lower grade than I was expecting or when I’m disappointed, which happens almost every time, apart from when I receive a result of 100% accuracy, which is quite rare (and ridiculous to expect). If I was sitting across from a friend and they told me they got a B on their test and were disappointed, I would say:

That’s awesome! You worked really hard for it, I’m proud of you. You don’t have to be perfect; mistakes are how you learn.

I wish I could believe that person, but she disappears when it comes to me.

I’ve been trying so hard to learn how to better manage my academic anxiety, to manage my expectations better so that I’m aiming for results that reflect the learning process and my commitment to success, versus aiming for perfection which is genuinely impossible. I’ve worked hard to get at the root cause of this impulse of mine to be perfect, and I’ve traced it back to my childhood and adolescence where perfect = safe. I’m learning how to reframe those intrusive negative thoughts that assault my happiness and make me feel inadequate, to validate but not legitimize my anxiety, to understand but not condone the ways it continuously fucks with my head. To be empathetic to that which tries to keep my safe but simultaneously communicate back the ways in which it is actually making me unhappy and unsafe in my own mind.

It’s been a hard week. And I’m working on it. I don’t want to make this worse by dwelling on my disappointment and frustration over the slow progress I’m making on my anxiety and perfectionism. Progress will not happen overnight. In fact, it will always be the goal. That’s why it’s called progress; it’s not an end point but rather the in-between. In other words, it’s life.

Still, it’s difficult. Compassion is key, not unrelenting and painful self-criticism. I gotta remember that, even and especially when it’s challenging.