#also fun fact the last time i worked on that one was august 3rd 2019

[extreme-technicality]

Ao3 writer tag

Tagged by @maplefudge and @gummyconcrete!!! Thanks lovelies!!!!!!

Ao3 name: Dadzawa

Fandoms: published? BNHA and BotW. Planned? Add RWBY, Little Witch Academia, and low key the mcu c.2012 to that list

Number of Fics: 11

1. Fic you spent the most time on:

I think this one is Grumpy Cat, if only because it’s my one(1) multichap fic that I’ve sorta abandoned but shhhhh

2. Fic you spent the least time on:

Come To Bed cuz I literally wrote it in an hour and a half one night when I couldn’t sleep

3. Longest fic:

Grumpy Cat (18.7k)

4. Shortest fic:

Come To Bed (443)

5. Most hits:

Secrets (the one maple, sai, and I wrote together lmaooooo)

6. Most kudos:

Secrets as well

7. Most comment threads:

Grumpy Cat

8. Favorite fic you wrote:

You can’t do this to me you can’t make me cHOOSE between my B A B I E S

But it’s definitely The Space Between Them

9. Fic you want to rewrite/expand on:

There’s two: I Wanna Live With You, Even When We’re Ghosts and A Hero, an Insomniac, and a Villain Walk Into a Cat Cafe… for wildly different yet absolutely identical reasons. The former could absolutely be tweaked for Maximum Pain, the latter for Maximum Meme, and neither of them have left me alone since I wrote them. Also I think I wrote Bakugou ooc in the latter and, like, it bothers me even more now than it did two months ago. And it bothered me a LOT two months ago

10. Share a bit of WIP or share a story idea you’re planning:

*eyes my massive fucking WIP pile and snorts* y’all want some krbk? Some tddk to Spice Things Up? Ooh ooh how about some fair game, cuz I’m still SO salty about v7? Diakko flower shop AU? That’s more a concept than anything else, tho. There’s also that unfinished shinkami smut I started months ago, there’s Duckugou Quacksuki, An Unconventional Soulmate AU (that’s deadass a year old at this point kfhcggs), or do y’all want the chapter of Grumpy Cat I was working on? I’m drowning in WIPs, it’s fine,

Actually here, have a half-written chapter 10 of Grumpy Cat, ft. Bakugou and Mt. Lady as cousins who act more like siblings

Idiot Tako: thotsuki ur mom wants u to call her asap

Idiot Tako: also wHEN ARE YOU BRINGING EIJI BACK TO THE RESTAURANT?! I WANT TO SEE MY LITTLE BOY!!!

There were also a few missed calls from his mom, not to mention the avalanche of messages from his fucking friends in the group chat. Katsuki ignored them all and focused on the texts from Yuu. He chewed his lip for a moment.

Me: Hey, Yuu.

Idiot Tako: Who am I fighting.

Me: Wtf? You’re not fighting anybody, dumbass. I can fight them myself.

Idiot Tako: in my defense, u called me Yuu. u /never/ call me Yuu unless it’s important.

Idiot Tako: So wassup, Katsuki?

Uhhhh gonna tag @albino-pony @let-me-wander @pulling-all-mighters @arxaris @icyhotheartwritings and anyone else who wants to play!!!

[lycorogue]

Hey girl! For your "Ask about WIPs" game, I'm interested in "I Don't Care" and/or "Seduce with Caution." Hope you're well, stay safe!!

Hey right back! I am doing well. Hope the same for you and yours.

[WIP tag game: my list]

Ya know what, no one else has played yet, so I'll go ahead and indulge. 😀

I Don't Care

This story actually started life as a "tumblr exclusive" one-shot called Stranger in a White Dress (published here May 2018). It was actually one of the first fanfics I posted to Tumblr. It was inspired by the song "Play Me Like a Violin" by Stephen (*warning: the music video has flashing bits, so those with photosensitivity, please be careful if you watch instead of just listen).

I don't know why specifically I latched onto Gabriel Agreste and Emilie Graham de Vanily, but it seemed appropriate somehow. The story was them having a meet cute in college. Emilie would have blown into Gabriel's life for a few minutes, stole a kiss unexpectedly, and then blew back out of his life just as abruptly.

The story stayed like that for quite some time. Then, August 2019, I heard the acoustic version of Ed Sheeran's song "I Don't Care". At first blush, the song sounded like something my husband would sing, but the more I listened the more I realized it could be Gabriel singing about/to Emilie. This song was kind of the theme of the Agrestes' relationship, in my opinion. Hence stealing the song title for the story's title. I took the first verse about being at a party, and continued my story. Gabriel was dragged to a party by his flatmate, and Emilie coincidentally was there. The two reconnected, and Gabriel turned a one-time chance encounter at a club into a potential relationship.

I'm not entirely sure where else to go with this story, aside from knowing I want it to be the love story between these two. Possibly ending with Adrien's birth. Possibly continuing until Emilie's "disappearance." Not sure which yet. However, this whole story is a bit of a slow process while I wait for inspiration to strike again, mostly by way of new music. I have been a touch obsessed for the past year with the songs "2AM" by MK (feat Carla Monroe) and "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur as a back and forth between Emilie and Gabriel respectively (the fact that "2AM" has a female vocalist and "Say You Won't Let Go" has a male vocalist just makes it all the better). The only snafu there is that this would be a chapter about them drinking too much while out, and/or Emilie drunk calling Gabriel and asking for him to spend the night with her. As spontaneous as I like making Emilie, it seems a bit abrupt considering where their relationship stands at the end of the 2nd chapter. So I want to come up with a buffer one showing their first official date as my 3rd chapter. I'm just not sure what said date should look like yet. Thus this WIP sits in waiting.

If you want to read the first two chapters, you can find them over on AO3, FFN, or DA.

Seduce with Caution

This one is actually my current WIP. It's also my first foray into Miraculous Ladybug smut (aged-up, of course).

For some reason, August brings out the smut in me (is it the warm weather?), and I've written other smutty fics during that month in the past. Most have never seen the light of day. I've written a couple using the X-Men OCs created for my husband's play-by-post role-play game. I've written one using my D&D character and one of her partymates. The only smut I've officially published though was my interpretation of a handwaved sex scene in the book Bitterblue by Kristin Cashore (mostly because the series was fairly unknown and that book had been published 7 years prior, so I figured not many would even find my smut).

I have never tried ML smut before though, despite enjoying a lot of the ones I've found. I just couldn't get past the mental image of the Love Square as 14-year-olds.

Last year, however, while reading Dressed to Confess by @zenmisery , she had a bit where Chat Noir's costume acted as a bit of a magical chastity belt. For some reason, that gave me this fantastic concept for a MariChat sex scene. I started working on it, but I realized that it seemed too abrupt of an interaction between these two characters without also having the story be post-reveal and the two of them being in a relationship. The concept, though, would have been how MariChat could spend a night together without Marinette finding out who Chat Noir is under the mask first. The whole premise crumbles if they're already in a relationship and/or it's post-reveal.

I just couldn't get the balance right, and so I abandoned the story. Right around December, I tried again by backtracking a touch to include the seduction and foreplay leading into the sex scene. That too seemed a bit left-field. It felt like glorious crack, and I was tempted to just run with it because crack is a fantastic story "genre" but I... just can't find it within myself to do so. So the story was abandoned again.

This past August I revisited the story once more. After 3 or 4 false starts, I tried backing up even further with my story's starting point. Now this story has become a slow-burn, sexual tension, blushfest. There's implied masturbation, and later chapters will include make-out sessions with heavy petting, but the actual true-blue smut won't show up until the final chapter or so. So my "Porn without Plot" has become "so much pining with a sprinkle of smut thrown in for flavor". 😅

I still don't have a concrete story figured out, but the working summary is: "While 19yo Chat Noir tries to demonstrate to Marinette his new 'moves' to try to win Ladybug over, he accidentally seduces Marinette. Now she has to come to terms with the knowledge that she finds him sexy and highly desirable, all while still holding a flame for Adrien. Meanwhile, Adrien has to wrestle with the knowledge that he found Marinette getting hot and bothered over him a major turn-on. Chaos ensues."

Considering it kept me over a year to write just the first chapter (but only 3 days to write the second one), I want this story complete before unleashing it onto the world. I also need to build up the confidence to let the rest of the fandom read my first ever MariChat smut soooooooooooooooooo..........

ANYWAY, yup. That's what's up with I Don't Care and Seduce with Caution.

A romance story between young Gabriel and Emilie where I humanize Gabriel....

And a slow-burn MariChat smut story that will only really include anything explicit in the last chapter or so.

Thanks so much for the ask! This was fun. Feel free to ask me more!

I've also talked about my original WIP Glitches here, here, and here, as well as talk about my other Gabriel-humanizing project When Love Matters here.

[norbaum]

                                     but when you 𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘵 the light i 𝑅𝐸𝒜𝐿𝐼𝒵𝐸...

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆:

✧ ( jack gilinsky + 21 + cis male + he/him ) — did you see 𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐘 ‘𝐍𝐎𝐑’ 𝐁𝐀𝐔𝐌 walking down 3rd ? rumor has it they are a 𝐁𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐑 @ 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄 & 𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓 and have lived in 𝟐𝟐𝟑 e 66th st 𝐀𝐏𝐓 𝟒𝟎𝟏 for 𝐀 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐀 𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐅. i’d describe them as ( 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙-𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙚𝙙 ) but ( 𝙜𝙪𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙗𝙡𝙚 ), and when they pass by i’m always reminded of ��𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐊, 𝐀 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐌 𝐋𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐍, & 𝐀 𝐅𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝟏𝟎 𝐃𝐄𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑. ( ollie, 22, they/them, est )

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒:

         one half ( the younger ) of the baum twins — the self-proclaimed christmas tree twins but really, it’s their parents’ fault ; works the first shift at the sunrise baking the bulk of goods for the day && has a love for baking in general ; a senior at NYU studying an individualized track of architecture ; a kind soul who genuinely means well even if he misses the point a bit ( read : a himbo ).

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘:

— norway baum was born in a buffalo, new york hospital two minutes and forty-three seconds after his sister fir baum, and unlike his sister, did not scream upon his arrival into the world. it snowed on that december night, CHRISTMAS EVE, an irrelevant fact considering the baums, jewish in heritage, did not celebrate. their parents knew quite in advance that their family would be increasing by two, so it’s anyone’s guess why instead of picking nice normal names for their children they settled on ( as the twins would realize as they got older ) two versions of what amounted to christmas tree.

— nor supposes he ought to be thankful they didn’t name him spruce, because at least norway ( despite also being a country ) could be shortened to a mildly acceptable nickname. instead they graciously made that his middle name leaving every time he gets carded to be an adventure in dubious looks as someone read “norway spruce baum” across the shiny plastic.

— the twins’ entrance into the world would remain a blueprint for most of their lives, fir — the feral child, nor — the calmer but dumber one ; though unlike predicted, they did not balance each other out ( at least in the sense that their parents hoped ). instead it was excruciatingly obvious from the moment they were capable of semi-complex thought that they would be absolute hellions together.

— they grew as thick as thieves as they got older, outgrowing the hellion age soon enough, but only to enter the scheming menaces phase that some may argue they still haven’t left. there were times they had their differences, sure, but in the end they never amounted more to a ripple in the ocean, quickly forgiven and on to the next grand thing.

— they were raised very comfortably in a large house some might consider a mansion ( a modest one at that ), having been privileged enough to be born into the lower upper class. the baums were a rather practical family all the same, in spite of the big house and healthy number of zeros in their bank account, raising their children to be humble, polite, and hardworking : for the most part succeeding ( hardworking might be a matter of perspective ).

— for high school, they attended the local prestigious private co-ed school, nichols ; nor apparently not quite as dumb as everyone seemed to think considering his passing of the entrance exams and decent grades to back that up. nor graduated from nichols ranked surprisingly well, thanks to apparent natural abilities in math and physics.

— college was a toss up, but the choice quickly become a no-brainer when fir was also accepted into NYU. move-in day was a flurry of excitement, most notably the first time the twins would be living ( somewhat ) apart in different dorms thanks to random housing placement and a no co-ed room policy. that excitement lasted about six days for nor, when he became frustrated with the fact that his new roommate, though by almost all accounts PLEASANT, could not seemingly read his mind.

— several other factors, one of which was definitely not separation anxiety, lead them to room together with a few of their mutual friends their sophomore year, and then seek an apartment together the summer before their junior year.

— the 66th st hadn’t really been somewhere nor had frequented, though the neighborhood was known to be affordable and good for students seeking reasonably priced apartments. besides, the apartments were nice, not such a bad commute from school, and they both needed jobs if they wanted to continue to continue to have fun : for though their parents’ generosity extended to both their tuition and rent, it did not extend to spending money.

— in spite of their chaotic energy, they somehow landed one of the apartments on the block and moved in the beginning of august before their junior year ( august 2019 ).

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂:

— nor is one of the bakers at sunrise on weekdays and saturdays, likely with the 4 am shift that makes the bulk of the baked goods for the morning rush. he also helps with the counter if needed when the shop opens. he’s kicking down the door of 401 a little after 9 am on weekdays just in time to bring fir breakfast and go to class, and noon on weekends. he’d always been a bit of an early riser ( though 4 am isn’t really an acceptable time for anyone, it’s something he’s grown accustomed to ), and luckily functions well on just five hours of sleep or so. he is prone to taking about an hour and a half nap in the afternoons, though. he does enjoy his work, especially walking through the near abandoned corner at the wee hours of morning.

— at NYU nor studies an individualized track in architecture through the gallatin school of individualized study ; his track combines studies in architecture with structural classes in the tandon school of engineering so he can better understand practicality and the importance of structural-based architecture.

— has played hockey since he was quite young and the baums were looking for some way to burn off his energy. a sports town like buffalo it was a pretty obvious choice. he played up through high school, until an injury and two surgeries near the end of his junior year pretty much put an end to any serious athletic scholarships to a hockey school. he still played his senior year, but was advised against the rigors of college hockey. it was also in this time that he discovered his love of baking. he has played for fun nearby on one of the beer league teams the past couple years.

— as mentioned above, he really started to get into baking end of his junior year and senior year when he was either in recovery or benched a lot and wanted to contribute something. he bonded with one of his grandmothers over this time and he definitely loves making her recipes even now !! he’s also definitely the type to make baked goods for the neighbors. he started out beginning of last season at sunrise just doing regular cashier stuff but in a pinch when they were running low on something popular and they didn’t have any bakers on hand he was able to whip up a batch and saved the day and after that his manager asked him if he wanted to be one of the bakers.

— of the two of them, nor is the one more likely to cook, but they probably still rely a bit too heavily on ordering take out ( they are trying their best ).

— nor is quite neat, but more due to the fact he doesn’t own very much for things to get messy.

— has plants in his room and absolutely talks to them

— probably falls asleep while rewatching episodes of the great british bakeoff every night.

— sings in the shower and hums or sings quietly under his breath when he bakes. he’s really not that bad but he definitely lacks the creativity to do songwriting or talent to play an instrument so don’t ask.

— fir and nor have successfully gone to each other’s classes before despite being fraternal, most notably the longest gambit they ran sophomore year of high school where nor went to fir’s math class and she went to his history class and they kept it up until parent-teacher conferences in october ( something they had forgotten to take into consideration ) and their scheme was then exposed and they were subsequently grounded.

— he’s not straight and very much just loves who he loves. that being said, his tendency to look past people’s flaws and hand out second chances has gotten his heart broken a few times and has resulted in fir taking to examining anyone he shows the vaguest interest in under a microscope ( and possibly taken to interrogation ).

— fir and nor co-run the most chaotic tik tok @xmastreez. it has no real purpose or direction and mostly consists of capturing random shenanigans of each other, themselves, or random people. they have a modest following.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘:

— put bluntly, nor is a rather kind and gentle soul ; he tends to want to see the best in people and that leads to him coming across rather naive. that may be true in a sense, but it’s less due to ignorance and more that he hasn’t let any hardship or heartbreak get in the way of his worldview. the exception to this is of course anyone who has hurt fir ; you will then learn that he’s very good at holding grudges too.

— nor isn’t someone to worry about the future very much. there was a point early in high school when he did, but after the injury his junior year, he took on a very one week, one day at a time sort of mentality. he is quite happy to live in the moment for now.

— he’s a hard worker, but only when it comes to things that he likes or wants to learn. he’ll put 100% into anything he deems worthy : his baking, hockey, certain classes of study, but try to get him to read something he doesn’t want to or learn something he dislikes and he will become the biggest slacker you have ever seen.

— he and fir bounce well off each other and though nor may be the more responsible one, it’s clear that fir is more of the leader of the two and that his resolve when it comes to his sister’s absurd ideas is not very strong. that being said he can be very protective of fir ( though not overbearingly so ), in a way that can be seen as quite endearing.

— nor is smart, but only in the context of his classwork. outside the classroom or the bakery, and especially in day-to-day interactions, nor just seems to be lacking a certain brand of common sense.

— honestly he’s a fucking himbo. need i say more.

𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄:

— 5′11″ ( one inch taller than fir, a fact hotly contested between them and many times a moot point considering she likes to wear heels ), rather fit thanks to keeping up hockey as a hobby.

— brown eyes, skin that tends to always look a little sunkissed even in the middle of winter, dark brown hair that fluctuates in length, sometimes a bit short, usually a bit longer so that it starts to curl slightly.

— style : he likes black skinny jeans or semi-fitted army green pants that probably get covered in flour too quickly but he wears them to work anyway, and fitted t-shirts in any color. he’s a fan of hoodies, cycling through an old nichols hockey one, an adidas branded one, and a newer nyu sweatshirt he got when he committed to the university. he considers hoodies adequate enough for most of the winter, and hey he’s never really gotten sick from walking to class in just that so why change ?? though he may on occasion throw on a denim jacket over a hoodie. he wears practical boots when it isn’t too hot ( unlike his sister ).  — ref: yes, yes, and yes

— jewelry : nor’s not one for accessories, limited to a couple simple silver necklaces and an analogue watch with a brown leather band that probably takes him a little too long to read.

— scars, tattoos, etc : no tattoos ; a small well-healed scar over his left cheekbone from a hockey accident ( near invisible and most people don’t know it’s there unless they’re close or looking ), several other small scars on his legs and hands that he can’t recall what they’re from ; small birthmark on the outside of his right thigh.

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒:

🎵i wanna ~𝘷𝘪𝘣𝘦~ with somebody🎵 🎵feel the ᶜʰᵉᵐ with someboᵈʸʸʸʸʸʸ🎵

𝐎𝐎𝐂:

         hello everyone !! i’m ollie ( 22, est, they/them pronouns ) one of your admins. i am pretty much always on discord so hmu there pls, thank you so much for joining 66th, and i can’t wait to vibe w you all !!!!

[dreamonminecraft]

oh yes, tell me more about this beautiful lesbian slowburn. I’m a sucker for a good love story

Okay so to start off, My sexuality fluctuates greatly throughout this story, but as of now I identify as a Bisexual lithsexual lesbian, which means that I am attracted to lots of people but lose attraction when the feelings are reciprocated, and I'll only date girls.

The story starts off August of 2018. I was starting 6th grade (middle school) and didn't really have any friends aside from a few people that I had last talked to in 3rd grade.

It's important to know that I'm a GT kid and so I almost always have the same group of about 20 kids. This started when I changed to an all GT class for 4th grade.

While it's nice to have a comfortable learning environment, it also means that there's no escape from any drama, and you get to pick friends from the very small pool of kids that you'll spend the rest of your education with.

This is a pretty long story as well and I'm not sure I'll be able to accurately retell many of the things because dates get mixed up and stuff. Anyway, I'm gonna try my best to explain but these are really only the things from my point of view and I don't remember a lot of the things. (This is also gonna be written like a fanfic because that's all I know how to write, I apologise)

So start of sixth grade, I don't really have any friends, I'm kind of this awkward nerd, there's 2 people in my class (we switch classes like normal middle school, but I'm with the GT kids for most of the day so that's what I'll refer to them as) that I've known for years, a few I've met before, but mostly new people.

I sit by some old friends from volleyball at lunch for the first few days but begin to feel unwelcome. One day I decide to sit by these two people that I know are in GT but haven't talked to before. I don't say anything, but I sit and they don't mind.

The next day we get new seats in English. I'm behind a boy named Owen, Inara, who is one of the girls I sat with at lunch, is to my right, and in front of her is a girl named Emilyse.

Inara and I hit it off immediately.

It's kind of crazy because we're both crazy anxious introverts, but we gel nicely. I'm a boyband-obsessed 11 year old and she's a mature and mysterious 11 year old.

She's a lefty. I'm a righty. The way we've been placed makes us bump arms everytime we try to write anything.

We have every class together. Somehow, we sit next to each other in every class as well, even in the ones where we didn't pick our seating chart.

It's September. I cry over boybands. She watches curiously.

For the next couple of months we casually talk. She spends every lunch period in the library. We text occasionally.

I have another friend who takes priority. His name is Logan. We got introduced by his friend Lennox when she asked for my phone number to give to him.

Lennox and I don't talk. Logan and I text nonstop for months. We discuss possibly dating in the future. I identify as bisexual and biromantic at this point.

I've been in this position before. Having mainly guy friends growing up puts me in a lot of awkward friendship/relationship situations. They always end the same.

I have an issue with dating in middle school. You're not dating if you don't go on dates, hold hands, kiss, or cuddle. But you can feel like you are.

In December Logan starts being mean. We start a game where we step on each other's shoes at lunch or in the hallway. It's fun.

Eventually, he recruits his friends to do it to me, too. It's a joke a first, but eventually there are 10 middle school boys chasing me and trying to hurt me.

I get kicked in the hallway and fall. Someone steps on my arm and people laugh. Logan watches. I tell Inara and she steps on his shoe for me.

Logan and I stop talking. Inara and I hang out more. By early January, Inara has stopped going to the library at lunch. We hang out with Emilyse in the field instead.

I text Logan one day in mid January and ask why we fell out. He says that I told someone that I was going to punch him in the face.

The person he said I told, only talked to me at the bus stop, and he didn't ride my bus. I had never said it in the first place, but his logic made it even more frustrating.

I tell him I got scared because I had a crush on him and didn't want to make things weird. It was a lie.

In February I came out to someone for the first time. They asked if I was bi and I said yes.

By March I had accepted that coming out didn't really make a difference. Inara and I hung out at school but not really anywhere else.

My birthday's in April. I invite her, Emilyse, and Rebekah. We paint rocks and draw on a table cloth. Emilyse feels distant.

Emilyse is homophobic. We find out in English one day. I don't remember how. Inara and I look at each other. We know we're both queer but haven't come out to each other.

I ask Emilyse if she would hate someone in GT for coming out. She says yes. Inara and I stop talking to her.

By May I've become obsessed with Marvel. Inara's interested in it and I decide to be, too. We talk about the movies. It gets awkward. She's not as interested when I get in on it.

By June we're best friends. We hang out fairly regularly, have all our classes together, and text all the time. Logan is forgotten.

School lets out at the start of June. We keep texting regularly. We make plans to see the new spiderman movie in early July with one of our other friends.

I have a complicated relationship with said friend. They're non-binary, although I didn't know it yet, and I've known them since Kindergarten. Inara met them in an advisory this year. I get jealous easily.

The day of the movie I shop at Kohl's. I buy the two of us matching shirts. We meet at the movie theater and it's awkward. I pay for popcorn and sneak in snacks that we share. Our friend's dad is there, but Inara and I don't have parents present.

We sit next to each other during the movie. At a certain scene, I start to get anxious. My stomach hurts and I can't breathe, I start to get sweaty.

I get up and rush out of the theater. I get to the women's bathroom and sit down on the floor of the very last stall. I'm panicing, dry heaving into the toilet, and trying not to cry. I try to text my mom that I'm having a panic attack but don't have reception.

I go back into the theater room after a few minutes. I'm still anxious, but better. Our friend is highly concerned, Inara just glances at me worriedly.

It's my first panic attack, and it sucked.

We leave awkwardly after it ends, trying to avoid the obvious elephant in the room. My mom is concerned when she picks me up. We don't talk about it. My dad and brother are watching it illegally when I get home.

We don't see each other until August of 2019, but continue to text through the rest of the summer.

When 7th grade starts, I'm still into Marvel. I've seen all the movies at this point, but there haven't been any new ones (even now) since FFH. Inara's interested, but not fully.

In late August/Early September we take BuzzFeed quizzes for fun and text each other the results. I take one about soulmates. I get her initials. I send her the link. She gets mine.

We take more and they all point to us being soulmates. We propose by sending pictures of rings over text. The wedding date is set for September 28th, 2019.

The time comes. It's Saturday and my brother has a double football game. We've planned to pick her up and take her there. It's a Christian league, so the games are at a church.

We go to the garden. There's a small white bench in some rocks, surrounded by flowers. We joke that we've had our ceremony. We wander around for a while longer.

My dad suggests that we go to the taco bell across the parking lot. We do. When we're done, we walk back to my house. Its not far, but we're alone. I carry her halfway back.

When we get to my house we pick things from my garden. We're barefoot and I'm wearing overalls. I joke that we're gonna get a farm one day when we're older.

She picks things while I stand back and watch. The sun hits her dyed-red hair just right. I vividly remember smiling at thinking "holy fuck she's pretty" you would think I'd put together my crush by then.

October rolls around and she cancels plans to go trick-or-treating with me. I'm upset but understand.

We "work" on a school project at her house. We don't actually get anything done before cuddling up on her bed and falling asleep to black panther.

In November, it's Emilyse's birthday party. We've gotten distant but still talk occasionally. Inara and I both go to the party.

We're watching Spiderman Far From Home because that's what Emilyse wanted. I've seen in twice, Ianra has too.

We're given candy and popcorn and then curl up on the couch. Inara and I sit next to each other.

(I forgot to mention this but at some point she stayed the night at my house. She slept on the floor in her swimming suit even though I asked if she wanted to sleep on the bed. Swimming was fun though. We also go to an arcade. We mini-golf and play laser tag. We also danced in the rain together at some point that day.)

Once we're no more than 15 minutes into the movie, I'm cuddled into her chest. It's important to mention that at this point I'm 5'6 and she's no more than 5'0.

We cuddle the entire movie. We share candy and pretend no one else is there. It feels great.

We don't talk about that night for months. Nobody brings it up. I come out to Rebekah around this time, saying no more than that I like girls. I still haven't told Inara.

By December, I've brought her to church a few times. I don't enjoy going to church, but my parents always encouraged it.

(I'd like to say at this point as well that I have been raised Christian and identify with the faith despite the fact that I despise Church and disagree with many of the common teachings. If I ever had to choose for some reason, my sexuality matters more to me than my religion. Regardless, I respect your beliefs if they differ from mine :) )

Inara's birthday is in mid December. Her party consists of us making gay jokes with our enby friend despite not being technically out to each other.

My church youth group plans ice skating. I invite her and she accepts. I'm worried about it. It's essentially a date. Neither of our parents will be there.

We carpool with the youth leaders, who are actually pretty cute for a hetero couple. Inara and I share awkward glances the whole time.

When we get there I learn that Inara took ice skating lessons as a child. She's much more confident than I am, but pretends she doesn't know what she's doing. I skate about once or twice a season, but also rollerblade.

There's a wet, sloped, melty part of the rink. I get nervous and grab her hand. She holds it until we're out of the melted ice.

Every lap around I grab her hand at that point. Eventually, we just keep holding hands for an entire lap.

By the end of the night, we've both fallen a few times but held hands the whole time. We drop her off and I say goodnight.

That night, I rant about the adventure to one of my (ex)friends, who excitedly listens to my talk about holding hands with a girl.

There's a GT Christmas party at Hannah's. Inara and I carpool there. It's an all together boring party with the exception of a few interesting truth-or-dare questions.

(side note, remember Owen? Well he's one of Inara and I's best friends and we were actually close enough that the three of us were basically cuddling on the couch during part of the party. Also the whole class knows about Inara and I's wedding and calls us wives.)

Paislie asks me if I wanted to "marry" Inara before we got "married". I mumble an answer that nobody hears. I don't repeat it. When it's time to leave, Inara and I have our legs intertwined on the couch. We don't mention that, either. We drop her off and I say goodnight.

January is good. There's a night, the 4th I believe, that we really connect. We officially come out to each other for the first time on that night, and it gets really real, really fast.

She says she's pan, I say I'm bi but confused.

In mid January she texts me that she's crying because one of her favorite YouTubers finally hit a million. She cries for hours but never tells me who. I pay it no mind.

A few days later, she mentions a YouTube channel called Unus Annus and tells me that it's super interesting. I text back but don't look it up.

A few more days pass and I'm randomly on the trending page for YouTube, which I never do. I see a video trending called "Mark and Ethan go casket shopping". The thumbnail is interesting enough that I check what the channel is. I notice it's the one Inara told me about.

I watch the video and subscribe within 5 minutes. I text Inara quotes from that video, Ethan Finally Becomes a Man, and the Lie Detector test videos, until she responds and is surprised that I found the channel.

I obsess quickly and depend on her to know the new video at 1pm everyday. She gets annoyed and we drift apart slowly.

In February things get rocky. We fight often. If I win a small argument she doesn't talk to me for hours. She gets pissed at refuses to tell me what the Unus Annus video is called if I ask too many times.

At some point I get fed up and confront her. I don't remember what about, but we stop talking all together.

Friends pick sides. I'm left alone. We don't talk for a month. She tells me that she pushed me away because she thought I'd react badly to her telling me she loves me.

I confess my crush. She tells me she feels the same.

We finally make up at about 8:30 on a Sunday night in March. It's not fixed but we plan to talk. And 9:00, the school district announces that it's shutting down until least after spring break.

We stopped trying to communicate, but eventually, slowly we started talking again. We text a few times a day now, mostly about UA and anxiety, the best combo.

We haven't seen each other since. We're probably going back to school in person in about a month, but I'm not sure. Nobody is.

I've called her my girlfriend on here before, simply because I don't know what we are. I joked the other day about how the youth leaders would react if I said I was texting my girlfriend.

Here's how that went:

So we're just jokingly married for now! It's a confusing pile of garbage but we both came out as lesbians the other day so that's a new development.

I don't know if any of that makes sense but I'll answer any questions anybody has :)

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

Date: Wednesday, August 14, 2019 Time: 11:56 pm

I’m curious. Does anyone look forward to reading my letters? -calls out- “Anyone?” -dead silence emits so deafening, I stop talking-

So.. I was reading letters I have sent you. And, shit. The people who take the time to read these letters must think I am selfish.

All I talk about are men, my attraction to men, my desire to have a girlfriend, or whatever.

Which, if y'all know me, you KNOW, I’m going to get back to it.

But for a short bit, let’s talk about things that aren’t guys or girls.

Here are a number of facts about me you, Charlie, and other people reading this may not know about…

I’m very unsatisfied with my weight. I weigh about 195 pounds, and am working to drop to 120 pounds. I don’t feel attractive in my skin. I can’t see my vag anymore.

I haven’t orgasmed ever. I am 24 fucking years old. Why the fuck haven’t I cum yet? God..

Happier topics, Mare. Okay. There is this app I use called SLOWLY, where you create a username, and bio about yourself. You can start sending letters to people across the world. I’ve had letters coming in from China, India especially, the U.K., Australia, Taiwan, Russia, Portugal, tip of Africa. So many letters. And, you do get standard. ‘Yo baby. Send me nudes.’ This one guy got clever and asked me for nudes in Morse Code. I kindly sent him back to go fuck himself. The only person who gets to see my beautiful breasts is me, and the barren vag, cause I swear to myself, I never ever see Nic. (<– Sorry. No talk of guys for the next few paragraphs). The issue is.. like, there is an option where you can send three letters at a time. With an intro letter. One night, I thought it would he fun (WORST. MISTAKE. EVER.) to send 15 letters. (Keep in mind about 4 of the many letters I have sent, do I keep up a regular correspondence with. So, add 15 potential regular friends, and you have a recipe for disaster). Omgosh, Charlie + readers: I never have time to respond to these letters. Damnit, me. Why the fuck did you do that?

Okay. I started a new job. Yeah. You heard right. The ever so fucking afflicted depressed, intoroverted, frustrated, book crazy, bisexual who cant hold down a job, found a new one. Through a temp agency. I work with ______ _____ ____, at _____ _____, which is just 10 minutes from my house. The job is way better than the piece of shit I put up with for 6 mths. I love the different calls we get. But the mother fucking training at this call centre was mother flipping shit. There are so many 'processes’ you have to remember when helping a 'guest’ with a request that I want to cry. (I hope I keep at the job). Please fucking pray for me.

Did you know I didn’t always used to curse the way I do? Throughout high school, I would only curse when I would get hurt (like for example that time an anvil crushed my toe. Lol. This totally didnt happen. Though, this one time. I cut myself on this chunk of thick glass from a broken lamp at 12 urs old, that I was taking to the dumpster. It sliced my thigh, blood was gushing out I imagine. I started screaming. My mom, uncle, and cousin freaked the fuck out. I obviously lived to tell the tale. Y'all should see the scar.) And then I was influenced by boys (since I only hung out with guys through the last two years of high school) to curse. And now, I can’t seem to stop.

I make weird posts on Whisper. My username is ______ For anyone who wants to chat with me about my crazy life, follow me on ____ at @_______. Lol. (I hope y'all know when I include the blanks I’m being funny).

What other facts to share.. I made a friend on Slowly, but work really got me busy, plus I am always freaking tired. I didn’t respond for nine days with a letter, and I noticed she deactivated her account. It really hurt. Her name was Becca. She was trans, but didn’t tell her crazy conservative family. 19, super sweet. Liked video games and Eminem for a bit. I seriously miss her.

Other facts.. Did I mention (no, of course you didn’t mention Mare. All you ever talk about are failed relationships, current relationships, or almost relationships), I’m looking to learn Italian AND Spanish? Of course! Why the hell wouldn’t I try to influence my American self with my Mexican self? (Totally Hispanic in case y'all cohldn’t guess. My mom says I speak Spanish like a white girl. Well, shit… Time to go to Mexico and get ridiculed for being too white and not knowing Spanish or customs) Joking aside, I’m looking forward to teaching myself Spanish and Italian. (Don’t tell the family, but I prefer Italy over Mexico).

Y'all ready to get to the real reason why y'all stick through my letters?

Nic doesn’t want me to explore my bi side. Ken hasn’t been on Skype for a month. I miss him.. (Great, conflicted Mary is back again). Did I mention that today is my 3rd year anniversary with the Nicholas? Totally is. What did we do to celebrate? I woke up at 5 in the morning, waited for him to show up at 6, and ate tacos in my apartment parking lot. Then, I went to work, and he went home to sleep. We are going to Bastrop for the weekend which is just 20 minutes from my grandparents. Maybe I should go visit. (Why the hell don’t I call my family? Am I really that fucking self absorbed? Family trumps dudes any fucking day..) and I hope the trip is nice. I just texted him like 45 min ago of us drifting apart. Because… he will talk about things that seriously, Charlie, I could give two fucks about, then we will talk about ice cream, for example, and he goes off on a tangent about something little do with ice cream. Sometimes, I feel like I guilty stay with him because I do fucking love him, but I could be holding myself back from experiencing new things.

I want to write more. Bare with me for a moment, Charlie. Okay, I’m back. (That was a second break, in real time in case y'all were wondering)

My thoughts aren’t flowing as well. I wish I knew a friend who was bi or a lesbian who would like to explore with me. And not have it change things.

So, I have a shit sleep schedule. I’ll come home at 5 ish in the evening. I’ll sit in traffic for twenty min. Come home. Eat something. Fall asleep by 7. Wake up at 10, and stay awak indefinitely. Then wake up at 6, and start over. (What is wrong with me?)

Oh. More breaks from relationship shit. I saw a therapist. Three visits. It was nice. His name is Tim. (Had to stop because I literally have no fucking time to see a dr anymore psychologist or medical, because my schedule is a fucking bitch). He graduated from Harvard! That is awesome. His attire was well groomed, always. I never told him he intimidated me because of that. But he was a nice guy. Time to go to psychologytoday.com to look for weekend available therapists who take my insurance. I hope if I am to become a psychologist, that I’m a tiny better than Tim. He was lovely, I was just unnerved by someone focusing such time on me. But, that is kind of what he is paid for? So….

Oh. Have I mentioned at all to you, Charlie about how I want to start a YouTube channel? I want to read stories I find on the internet. Annnd, I’m pretty excited. I get my mic maybe with next weeks paycheck.

I feel like there is more to add. For anyone you may have lost touch with over the years, Charlie, does the thought of that person and the memories you shared together ever make you cry? I found a CD an old friend left to me for my birthday. And it broke my heart that we aren’t close anymore. I feel like I .. let my true relationships go in my worst state of mind.. And, I miss her so much. It really really hurts. I’m crying just thinking about it.

Also, I’m not sure if I mentioned, there are rare cases where I will laugh so hard at something I found to be funny, that I make others worried or uncomfortable. But the laughter turns to sobbing (sobbing such as my mom dying, or my brother getting hit by a car, or someone killing me) just as severe. I tried asking like crazy, and no one seems to know. That is, until a month ago, a friend from the meetings I go to (please tell me I’m not so vapid that I forgot to tell you I go to Monday meetings with DBSA for my depression) showed me what I have.. which I forgot the name of. But it is a treatable condition. Something to do with sensitivity.

I can’t hear well out of my right ear. I need to see a doctor.

Thanks to those who stayed with me this far.

I hope to have more news on my relationship status.

I seriously have like two friends on Tumblr. Why do I use this app again?

I love you, Charlie

Always,

Mary

[koreanstudentiseul]

My Language Learning Experience (2006-2019)

Hello~ as requested, here is my language journey/experience post. So fair warning this is a very long post. Way longer than I meant it to be, but I did warn this when you guys asked for it so I’m sorry in advance.

For this, I’m going chronologically, but I’ll mark it clearly if you wanna just read specific bits, I don’t blame anyone who wants to skip sections it is a lot of text. With that said, let’s begin~

1st: Spanish.

My first experience learning language was in Primary school, at aged 10 (due to a late birthday) when we were surprised by a sparkly new class that wasn’t offered in the school before. Spanish. I don’t remember much from this point being nearly 14 years ago but I remember finding the class difficult because the teacher wasn’t very approachable and seemed to play favourites. At least in the context of only helping certain pupils rather than all the pupils. I picked up a few things, like 1-10 and some animal names but that was about it.

I continued Spanish in High school as it was a mandatory subject in the first 2 years, I learned more from these classes mostly I think because they were more used to teaching the subject but I can’t say that with any certainty. I have mixed memories from this time as we were forced to endless exercises that didn’t explain anything, yes/no style corrections which don’t help anyone, and my teacher told me off for knowing the answer (I still remember this clearly, she asked what the word for fish was, I said pez. Then she asked what the plural was, I said peces and she scolded me for knowing that. To this day, I don’t know why) so that was traumatising for me and meant I didn’t speak up in class again for well over a year.

At this point I’m 4 years-ish into Spanish and I think I’m doing okay, I can do the homework and the exercises with minimal issue (not always correct, but was done in a reasonable time) and we get to picking our subjects for our exams. At which point, my teacher who was talking to everyone about their choices as most did (this was to explain the exam courses and what to expect so you know what you’re choosing, which I think was a nice thing but they stopped doing this sadly) and when it was my turn, it was “implied” that if I picked the subject I wouldn’t be allowed to take the class. I was told that I wasn’t smart enough to pass so I couldn’t take either language course and that I’d to pick another department.

This knocked any confidence I had with languages, I thought I’d been doing okay, at parents night I always had good comments so I don’t know what prompted this delightful comment. And with it being their word against mine I couldn’t prove it was said, but I knew the school would have sided with them anyway. This is also the reason I have Spanish as a want to learn rather than can speak because aside from my fish trauma, I can count to 99 and do basic insa chitchat and that’s all I retained. Oh and the words for library and sharpener, because my favourite place is a library and un sacapuntas is just something that’s always amused me for reasons unknown.

2nd: Korean

So, fun fact, I’m surprised that Korean’s here because I actually had been counting it as 3rd until I actually thought about it for this. My derpiness aside, Korean comes in at the beginning of my 5th year so would be late 2011 (Our school year starts mid-August) when my friend introduced me to K-Pop and oh boy my mp3 player has never looked the same since. It was a serious exam year, so no great progress was possible, especially with trying to get into college. I didn’t find TTMIK till much later than this but for this point in time, I found the lyrics on live performances really intriguing. I mean it’s nothing I was used to seeing on our equivalent shows, they never had the lyrics up for songs, in fact I don’t remember them telling you the artist half the time was towards the end of their broadcasting time. That tangent aside, the words just looked really beautiful and by September that year I was enamoured by the sound of the language, so I started looking up things about Korean in between the onslaught of homework and assessments. Also according to old social media I was subconsciously singing it from the December onwards, so good to know that that was always a thing I did. It took me until March to be able to read enough to write and even then it crude as anything. There’s very little trace of anything from that time but I struggle to read what there is.

Sadly this is where things end here for now, exams and getting into college and having space to breathe after years of being up till 2am trying to get all my work done and not having weekends cause I had to study too kind of pushed it to the back burner. What can I say, it was the first actually free summer I’d had in 5 years and I wanted it to be a detox before college started just in case it was the same set up of no sleep. And then I bumped into the aforementioned Spanish teacher again over the summer who made a comment to the effect of “Bet you’re glad you didn’t take Spanish, otherwise you’d have a nasty fail on your results.” Which for one annoyed me because it implied I had any say in the matter, but also removed any confidence I had regained since our last encounter.

3rd: Japanese

Now this is going to be really underwhelming, you’ve been warned. So I picked up Japanese in exam season 2012 (’cause I clearly didn’t have enough going on) and if I recall correctly used Japanesepod101 for it. I just followed their podcasts so I never learned to read just speaking/listening really. I suppose the 3 alphabets scared me off some, still kinda does scare me but I have a plan of action now so it’s a long term goal rather than wishful/fearful thinking. Still not sure what prompted this though, maybe an anime revival, or just finally caving since I’d wanted to for years.

Anyway, I got through the most basic level on JP101, and a little into the next one when as previous stated getting into college/return of the Spanish teacher caused a little bit of a crisis and I fell away from languages. I also have retained basically no Japanese, and this bothers me so I look forward to getting back to where I was.

2nd (again): Korean

Oh hi, Korean’s back again. Okay this time it’s gonna be a little longer, this goes up until the day I’m posting this. So I picked Korean back up in 2013. At this point I found TTMIK (through yahoo answers would you believe, they hadn’t come up in my search for learning Korean back then). I did level 1 and then I think only got to lesson 4 of level 2 before college hit like a tonne of bricks. And then we have another gap.

We come back in yet again in 2017. I never stopped listening to K-pop, sorta dipped in and out of dramas in that time very lazily, but didn’t really learn anything between 2013-2017. I had to reteach myself to read because it was really hazy and only half remembered, no surprise though it had been more than 5 years since I’d really touched on it at that point.

So once I could comfortably read again, I was confident to go ahead and redo level 1. I did all 25 lessons in 2 weeks. Level 2 however, that caused more trouble. Admittedly I was really ill at this point, I actually had to stop working because of it so level 2 was a lot slower than I wanted or even expected. I knew it was basically new ground in level 2 but even so it was difficult to see the time between lessons, and how much work it was to understand lessons progressively increasing.

I had hoped to get it done in 6 weeks, but it took about a year. Even now some things I still struggle with and get muddled, though it’s getting better with time which is reassuring. At this point my motivation was crippled. I wasn’t progressing, I was barely looking at Korean and I honestly thought about quitting. It also wasn’t helping that the studygram that had once been an ally turned foe showing me all the work everyone else was doing while I was doing nothing at all.

I have now since learned that it doesn’t have to be something demotivating. If someone wants to study 13 hours a day, fantastic! But that’s not for me. Some days are easier than others, I am still in recovery and that’s okay. Some days I can do 4 hours no trouble, others 5 minutes seems impossible. But I should have days off, I shouldn’t make myself ill worrying about studying. I should have time for games, and painting, and wandering round the woods with my camera, and general self care things.

In saying this, I’m guilty of saying this then ignoring it. Especially since I started using italki, where I’d have to learn 100 words, write a presentation and answer 30 questions in a week. I should push myself to try and do the homework, but at the same time, I have other things to do too and I shouldn’t torture myself with cramming homework and nothing else cause it takes so long to try and do the stuff that’s physically handed in let alone anything else.

Don’t get me wrong I love my tutor, she’s the only person who has me laughing at my mistakes, has me trying to use the language because I was terrified of doing that before. Well, I still somewhat am, but it’s getting better. Sometimes the workload is a little crazy, funny how I wanted homework now I just want to throw it all away and just do what I feel I need with the language between lessons. Not sure if it’s a phase or the initial excitement’s wore off and it’s not like wading quicksand.

So, before I start rambling I’m going to have a tl;dr summery here in regards to Korean this year.

The good from this year is hands down the studygram/studyblr community. Before I was annoying people talking about or posting about studying Korean, and these communities offered me a safe welcoming place to be where I could discuss what I was learning, and even get help when needed. I will always be eternally grateful to those who answer my questions in relation to anything, be it being unable to read handwriting, or grammar, or vocab confusion or something as simple as recommendations.

Slightly less good, no fault of Korean admittedly, probably is the difficulty in understanding and retaining information. Most of it is down to being ill. The rest, just generally me being confused because the way our schools teach English, so I don’t really know the different word classes and the rules for each. I can’t look at a word and be like, that’s an adverb, or even if I’m told ‘oh this is and adjective’ I really don’t know what to do with that information. I can do noun, and verb that’s about it. Not for lack of trying though, I have since tried to teach myself, and I have a cheat sheet but I can’t use that in a conversation so hardly a great use. It also means forming sentences is quite tricky, since if one type of word must follow another to be grammatically correct, or even make sense I have no clue about it.

Even further from good, and not something I like to dwell on too long, I feel like I’m cheating with Korean 95% of the time. With Spanish, I never had to double check anything, I could form sentences, and say what I wanted with what I knew and it was fine, but with Korean, it’s like the exactly opposite. I don’t trust myself to write anything without quadruple checking it. I wish I could just write sentences and just look up words/grammar as I need them but no every word of every sentence and even then it’s still flooded with mistakes which doesn’t help me try and wean bad habits.

So yeah I think that about wraps up Korean, but it doesn’t sound particularly good in this explanation. Hopefully next year it’s better.

4th: Turkish

Langjam number 1 (for me), and I had Turkish. Delightful experience, granted I was very ill. I had the flu that weekend because of course it had to hit that weekend, I’m not allowed to have plans apparently. But it was fun, I learned how much of a time sink grammatical concepts are. I feel like all I did was learn grammar that weekend, and I don’t remember any of it, but I still have the sentence I made at the end of the weekend:

“Merhaba, adım Rosie. Hastayım bu yüzden fazla çalışmadım. Ama, Türkçe çalışmaktan mutluyum.”

Not going to lie, all I remember clearly is Merhaba, but that’s better than nothing. I would love to go back and do it properly, or at least without the flu. One of my best friends, a very sweet bean is from Turkey and I’d love to be able to try and speak to them in Turkish a little since they speak English every day for me and yeah I’d love to be able to chat to them a little (though I still can’t type it on my laptop properly so that should perhaps be task one on returning to it).

I don’t know when I’ll go back to Turkish, but I kept all my resources and my notebook so it should be good when I do. Perhaps when I get to an intermediate level in Korean Turkish can resurface, though don’t hold me to that I may just wanna do it randomly. 

That’s it for now! Bet you’re glad you don’t have to read anymore of my boring language past ;) If I missed anything, or didn’t entirely answer the question you asked, just let me know and I’ll try and get back to you as soon as possible.  Thank you for reading, have some cookies and happy learning~ ♡

[sunnysynthsunshine]

3rd Comedy Monologue

“Do any of you remember Rugrats?”

“The 90s cartoon about talking babies that went on adventures”

“Yeah well you know Angelica the whiny,spoiled character?”

“I actually kind of liked her maybe it’s because I related to her when I was little or maybe it’s because I liked how cool she was she was able to tell the babies about stuff they didn’t know about, playing a part in their imagination.”

Anyways speaking of children,they’re alright and they are usually one of the following

“Mummy Daddy why do they get to pick a sweet not me what did I do?”

“Waaaa I want that I want that”

“Hi there, do you want to play?

“Your good at art,I couldn’t draw like that”

“Thank you young soul you are too pure for this world”

Me on the other hand,was a whinging cowardly little sod

Now I’m not a child anymore but I am still mistaken as one

Yeah,that happens

17/18 years old,old enough to vote,old enough to drive,old enough to move house & old enough to realise my phases of being a tory “skeptic” were pointless

Yet sometimes people still think I’m someone who likes ice-cream,toys and video games

Well I mean I do like those things I’m sure some of you like those things too

We are children at heart but physically and mentally we evolve and learn with time

I’ll be an young adult,and I love it I might not have a place of my own yet but I love being able to learn new things and see new places I couldn’t see when I was a kid.

Then again my teenhood wasn’t that good either because I had a developmental condition that made me different than others mentally,my interests were very intense and I got panic feelings when around crowds or in difficult situations

My primary school classmates liked JLS,Partying and other things that I didn’t like or couldn’t do

While now I’m warming up to certain things I’m still happy I didn’t like JLS.

I on the other hand, liked the sims 3,dolls,the 1980s,old cartoons and films.

So...a game where you become God,plastic models,the age of neon graphic design, and innovative video games and...yeah that hasn’t changed has it?

Well I don’t play the sims anymore,my laptop has no cd rom drive,I used up the data on my old one, from downloads I’d buy from the exchange store

Sims also was one of the few things that got me into my “emo” phase

I’d be looking at sims videos on youtube they’d usually be very sad and in the background there’d be evanescence,my chemical romance or avril lavigne

I’d be sitting at the back of the living room at a gathering and I’d be listening to Sims 2 sad story part 1 because it had good music. I later learned the names and that I was a bit of a goth,a emo,a metalhead because I liked gothic and j-metal any of that.

Dolls…..

now this was embarrassing I’m sure we all have those songs where as soon as you hear them you feel a film reel of negative memories return. For me that was

Barbie Girl by Aqua, weird because aqua are a good band,but that song oh that song it was so annoying

Picture this

Someone in their final primary school years, who still collects dolls,

Now!  Would you ignore that or would you use that outdated song as a way to mock them because they were still enjoying a thing, meant for children.

I received the latter,because of that when I’d hear people sing that song simply just because they liked it I’d get confused and offended a similar thing happened with my little pony

I used to sing and perform for people in the playgrounds other times I’d keep to myself

I loved my little pony before the new wave I loved rewatching episodes of the old 80s mlp series of goblins,witches and giants...oops that was a different show I was describing there

And one of the songs I’d perform was the original theme song

My Little Pony~ My Little Pony~

What will today’s adventure be?

My Little Pony…My Little Pony

Will there be exciting sights to see?

Nope to some of my primary school audience the lyrics were

“My little pony skinny and boney”

*sarcastic deadpan laugh*

Ha ha ha,  

Then again I wasn’t much better

I used to make youtube videos with those “dolls”

They weren’t very good

They had bad editing and barely any plot beyond badly structured fourth wall jokes

Yet I wanted the whole internet to know about them even if they weren’t interested

I was a easy target and while I did get tired of that,change interests and go into a different fandom direction

Some things were still the same

I was still cowardly,weak and timid and that was a problem

I was always following others,I didn’t make my decisions often,because of the condition and my own loneliness I couldn’t do things other teenagers could.

I never had a sleepover,I never had a crush that wasn’t one-sided and I didn’t have much independence

Even when I did have “friends” those friends I would later learn were not nice making me believe I had wasted years that I couldn’t get back.

On...the topic of regrets, dance  something I sometimes enjoy but when I studied performing Arts it was what I dreaded…

Note I’m ok with  anyone who does like to dance,party or do any of those things

I would just try to take part like everyone else but many times I was put aside or embarrassed in front of the others because of either me having a meltdown or because “my timing was off”

Yes,he did teach me some cool moves and I am more supple now but that was the content and even if I was crap I knew it and tried to practice

Everyday I’d practice each technical exercise and routine but it was still not good enough.in fact it was because of that and other reasons that I couldn’t do that course anymore

All because of,of….Craig Revel Hor not him but he was like him.

Because of that I had to take saturday dance classes...those weren’t fun

The most fun I had was from the songs we danced to and the few positive examples of small talk I attempted with the people there.

Otherwise it was not good...me and little kids specifically loud hyper kids don’t always go well when in the same place..again my timing was off it wasn’t told but I could tell

One of the moments I hated the most was the headshot day

Now we were supposed to just be getting photos taken but the photographer noticed I was shorter than she thought.I laughed it off because I know I’m short but then what did she say in response…

“Your a wee bit vertically challenged”

EXCUSE ME

Now,I may be short but in a class of kids and teens of different ages and heights I was far from the shortest person there.

When I was a teenager I wasn’t a proper teenager the only things that made me a teenager was my age,my angsty attitude and the drama I got into involving political meme posters and anime roleplayers.

The less I say about that the better

So while all the “adults” were telling me to beware of the adult years because of

Oooh responsibilities...ooooh independence ooooh….education

Honestly  it’s ok for me so far I’m a fairly organized person so studying is good,I did a assistant stage managing gig for a west side story production which was class by the way and I think i’ll feel a lot happier as a adult.

I have not much to mock about today my political jabs are sometimes good other times they’re like a bad Ben Elton joke on Saturday Live.

“Ha teresa may is like the wicked queen from snow white when she’s in disguise”

yeah? …..and  You look like you could front the band Wings mate

(pause)

Speaking of a bad Ben Elton joke

“Oh I never really understood the whole “comedy” business I always prefered being a bit of a writer and I think now with Bohemian Rhapsody being out that those critics will think

We Will Rock You wasn’t that bad.”

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a show that layered it’s satire of the mainstream establishment under a sitcom narrative about alternative young adult characters where the comedy was good

for once

Once in every life time

Comes a moment like this

Oh I need you, you need me,

Oh my darling can't you see.

Young Ones.

Darling we're The Young Ones.

The Young Ones.

That show,oh I only watched last year but I have so many words

The jokes,the satire,the characters,the setting,the fact it still holds up

I found that show at the right time

It was august 2017

I had finished my GCSE’s,I had left a manipulative friendship and I felt horrible

When I’d go to the cinema people were making noise and I would remember the panic more than the film itself *coughs* Spiderman homecoming

I felt like I didn’t know how to laugh anymore

Summertime sadness

When edgy me came across ben elton’s ronnie barker memorial lecture

Being a fan of Porridge and Open All hours I listened and after hearing about a certain sitcom  I started watching...The Young Ones...and it was out of this world

I roared with laughter with each episode,I related to the characters and I felt a connection of some sort

Researching more about the “alternative comedy” genre and I saw a familiar name

I learned I had seen some of his work before,he was the andrex puppy,he was in that king Arthur cartoon and he was in that drop dead fred movie I didn’t watch just because internet critics said it was one of the biggest cinematic flops ever….

Yet I never knew his name until then and I’m still not over that

I looked up his other work,where he was richie,richie rich,lord flashheart and a b’stard of a conservative

(which I would later try to do an impression of, on my final girls brigade show.)

So many thoughts,so many emotions he changed my life

Many things and people have. He is one of them  

his work was incredible and iconic  and his mantras are very inspirational and useful. He made me realise a lot of things about life,my love of his work also resulted in me meeting most of the friends I have now.

It’s 2019 and I’m now the anarchist I always wanted to be,I’m out of my shell, a bat out of hell,I followed others for too long but I’m my own person now that’s who I will always be

Now say it with me   Young Ones..

You shouldn't be afraid.

To live, love, there's a song to be sung.

Cause we may not

Be The Young Ones

very long.

Oh,Doctor Rik.Mayall we miss you,you bastard

The world wasn’t as much of a crap place when you were there to cheer us up

But your still here spiritually in her hearts

As you said yourself we still have your shows  and poems

Now!  all you punks,skins,rastas,emos,hipsters,creators,viewers,performers,entertainers,observers and fellow peoples poets

let’s gather round and hold our hands in sorrow for our fallen leader

Love is the answer!  Goodnight

[highschoolharrier]

Mark Stenbeck is the head coach at Dakota Ridge High School in Colorado who recently finished 3rd at Nike Cross Nationals.

High School Harrier: Your boys program is coming off a 3rd place finish at Nike Cross Nationals a few weeks back. What did it mean to your program to finish that high?

Mark Stenbeck: I think there are two angles here. First, the meaning and context for us who lived the experience and were fortunate enough to succeed together and second being the long term effect on the program. For the first, it was an incredible, memorable ride. It meant a great deal to the guys and our staff and school. Winning State was a big deal and that was amazing to us, then to win NXR Southwest and ultimately have the NXN experience like we did, it was really really special moments for all of us involved. Like any team that gets there it was a ton of hard work so to reap the rewards was really special. Long term we hope it galvanized our program across the board. I am eagerly awaiting track season to see how the stimulus of the NXN racing experience will impact those who ran it. For those that didn’t run I am hopeful they will find the needed inspiration to put in the work and race with the intelligence and passion necessary to improve.   

HSH: While many expected you program to be a national caliber team this year, very few expected for the boys to be just 38 points out of first place when it was all said and done. What was the driving force this year that propelled your team to achieve these heights?

MS: We knew we could be special this year if we just stayed with our process. The outcome would take care of itself. So we made ��Process over Outcome” our mantra. September 21, 2018 at Dave Sanders Invite was a massive day for us. We went in wanting to finally prove ourselves against Mountain Vista. Jon Dalby and Eric Selle and I are super close friends and we have been chasing them for a few years now. We finally had the talent and passion to get them and yet going into that race we were down Ben Morin from our lineup. So we had some nerves, but yet we had tremendous resolve. We had to have 5 guys get the job done that day and they did so big time. To beat Mountain Vista that day was immense. You have to understand how great they have been for years now in Colorado to appreciate that moment. They hadn’t lost by more then 10 points in a meet where they ran their top kids in six years and only had been beaten by 2 points on two occasions the last 4 years. They were 3rd in the nation at NXN in 2017. They are…”the bar”. Mountain Vista has made everyone in this state better by showing us the way to get there. So we owe them a ton in terms of inspiration and setting themselves up as the “mountain top”. We were able to ascend to the top this year because we had them as muse. Beating them by as much as we did and really just keeping our foot on the gas pedal when we faced them was key all year.

There was a moment this year when we finally cracked the top ten on Flo50 at #7. I came to practice that afternoon and said to the boys…”if you can be 7...you can be 1”. We knew we had an outside shot at Loundon Valley and Great Oak. We had been watching them all year and on our best day we felt we had the right mix to have a shot at winning the whole thing. Jacob White’s ascension to super sophomore and Ben Piegat’s rise this season was integral in that thinking. I honestly wonder if Ben Morin had been able to be healthy all year if we could have pulled it off. Ben was capable of finishing ahead of Jacob White and being our three. So we will always wonder what could have been if he had been healthy all year. He missed about 6 weeks at the worst time late August to Early October. At the time he got hurt he was fitter and had more experience then Jacob so we have every reason to believe he was going to be our number 3 this year. In the end we are very happy with what transpired. Our season was so special.   

HSH: What was the race strategy coming into the race and how well did the boys follow it?

MS: There was no “strategy” other than to be ourselves and race like we had all year. We knew we had to have 2 guys in the top 10 of the team score, and Jacob and Ben Piegat be close together and we felt like Ben Morrin and Riley Abrashoff were capable of being special enough to give us a chance to get on the podium or win. After NXR, we did a few things to get ready. I had the boys watch a few past races on the current course. They had input, based on what they saw, in what we thought it might take to succeed in the race. It wasn’t so much strategy as it was looking for common themes in successful races there. Races are never the same and they are random. I strive to have our kids ready for anything. In so doing you never box them in with a specific strategy. When you tell a kid to do this or that they get in their head that that has to take place to be successful that day. So while we talk about basics of racing, we also talk about not freaking out if those things don’t happen like you expected. Keeping things simple is best for high school kids under immense pressure to perform at the levels we get them to nowadays. Probably the best “strategy” we talked about was having fun, enjoying the moment and running for each other. We spent some time talking about our inexperience as being our strength going in. When you’re “experienced” that can mean a couple of things. If your experience is frustrating or bad in previous contests, your worried about the outcome being the same. So you take measures to reassure yourself that it won’t be the same again. Be it psychological or physical you're trying to eliminate the bad experience from your mindset. If you had a great experience and you “know what to do”, you tend to try and recreate that again. So your mental models good or bad better or worse are based on the previous experience.  When you’re a blank slate with no experience your a bit more “anti-fragile” in my opinion. It’s basically the “we have nothing to lose” mentality mixed with the “I have no idea what to do here so let’s keep it simple...and race your guts out and see what happens” strategy. I told the guys a bunch of times that inexperience is our friend here and in fact told them that it was an “advantage” in many ways. It eliminated any detailed “strategy”. About the only thing we settled on doing was to get out fast like everyone else. We had a great conversation over Thanksgiving break with our alumni Danny Carney who is now at BYU and ran a different course but talked about the overall “experience” of NXN. He helped our guys a ton with little tidbits here and there on racing well there. Essentially he gave us some “process” type thoughts on handing the experience. Our guys got a ton out of that for sure.

HSH: Coming from Littleton Colorado, how much do you think training at over a mile at altitude helped the boys when coming to Portland to run at sea level?

MS: No question we have a great thing in Colorado. So much of success in High School Cross Country is based on simple things like environment. When you can run out your back door and run on trails at 6000 feet, it gets pretty simple after that. No doubt we are a product of our environment as is Mountain Vista, Battle Mountain, Broomfield, Niwot, etc etc who have competed well at NXN in recent years.

HSH: What is the weather generally like during the summer and fall for your team?

MS: Our weather is perfect. Truly hard to beat honestly. Certainly helps in training. Don’t tell anyone. We have enough people moving here now as it is.

HSH: Do you think any boys had a breakout year for you that allowed your team to be as competitive as they were?

MS: Jacob White and Ben Piegat for sure. Ben gave up Lacrosse his sophomore year going into track/field season. He ran his first full spring track/field season with us in spring of 2018. I knew when he gave up lacrosse that was a huge piece of the puzzle for us. He answered the bell right away this fall. He was a different animal coming into the season for sure all because he had about 12 weeks more specific training with us. Jacob White was the big breakout. Once he started going off we started thinking about not just making NXN, but possibly going there to podium and or win the whole thing. He was super special starting at Dave Sanders meet September 21st.  

HSH: You had one senior in the top 5 at NXN. What type of program can we expect to see in 2019?

MS: Certainly this is a huge challenge for us. Can we go on a NXN run here and be competitive for a few years nationally? You just never know. Life is random and we are not that deep to survive injuries and sickness. For our program we just need to be us. Stick to what we do, follow the process and have fun. It’s high school cross country. You run, you bond over team dinners and hard workouts and long runs. Keep it simple, get better everyday and enjoy the ride.

HSH: What is a typical week of fall training for your team?

MS: We go easy on Monday 98% of the time. We try to workout based on when the race is during the week, Saturday race means workout on Wednesday usually and Friday race means Tuesday Workout usually. Long run on Saturday if we don’t race. Outside of that I don’t adhere to any one way of business.  

HSH: What amount of mileage does the typical varsity runner max out at?

MS: Good question...not even sure honestly. You read that right. I go by minutes for our training. Top level varsity guys run about 50-60 minutes 5 days a week and 70-90 minute long run based on time of year. For the ladies it’s about 40-50 minutes daily and 60-70 for long run.

HSH: Does your team do any ancillary work and if so, what do you do?

MS: We do a bunch of stuff I use from Jay Dicharry books and other physical therapy stuff. Not a ton of lifting usually but that is something we will add in here this winter. Jay Johnson is a friend of mine from a way back and we have done his stuff for years and years in our program.

HSH: How do you help to build the sense of culture in your program?

MS: Talk about the past, discuss the future, preach about caring for one another. We do this big at Team Camp over the summer. We also have as much practice as we can get. Doing fun things outside of running helps for sure. Team Dinners are essential.

Culture is built over time and it’s a never a finished product because you rotate kids out every four years right? So it’s always ongoing. Creating situations and building the capacity for culture to take hold is something coaches forget to consider I believe. Asking small logistics questions are the first step.  A small thing is considering where you meet for practice everyday. How does that impact your visibility and your impact in the school? What are your daily conversations like? Are you standing in front of your kids talking for 20 minutes everyday? Are you talking just to hear yourself talk? We had a coach do that here at Dakota Ridge years ago. He just dragged practice on and on. Kids hated it. They want to get to work and talk to each other. They have homework and lives outside they need to be responsible for. You can’t waste their time with your bloviating if you’re a coach. That being said, I probably talk too much myself. Amazingly enough... small logistical things set culture as much as anything.      

HSH: What was your biggest learning moment as a coach?

MS: Easy….2013 5A  State Qualifying Regional here in Colorado. We show up and our team is off the wall at our team camp. Throwing frisbees, tackling each other, making weird noises. Kids were in sleeping bags doing worms in the grass and wrestling. It was more middle school then high school then anything. So here we are State qualifying on the line and racing some tough teams and we acting like it doesn’t matter.  I was livid. They looked like a bunch of undisciplined immature student-athletes. I was so upset I had to walk away from the team camp. I couldn’t watch it. I could have easily blew my lid and started yelling at them and frankly I wanted to. But I walked away and went to walk the back part of the course.

Gun goes off ...those kids did the job. Girls won, first meet victory for me as head coach in my career. Boys were second. Go figure.

So the lessons I took from are:   

1.Let the kids be themselves. They blow off steam and pressure in various ways. They are teenagers so sometimes the will act a fool and then go set a PR.

2. When and where and how you interject your coaching is key. Instead of yelling and creating a different scene in front of everyone I just walked away and let them be. I wonder if I had gone off if they would have been thrown off mentally? Hard to say. Sometimes what we think is right may not be right.

3. Life and coaching...it never looks the way you think it should. You can try to write the script all you want and in the end you have far less control in your life and in your coaching then you think. We search for control all the time and think things have to look this way or that because “we won’t succeed if it doesn’t look this way”. BS. Take care of the small things, be foundational at the micro level. Be adaptable, flexible, and roll with the punches. Let go of your sense of control. I figured that out that day in 2013. Been relearning it over and over.  

HSH: How much parent involvement do you have in your program?

MS: We have a tremendous booster club and parent involvement. Over the years we have had such a solid family foundation because of our parents being involved. It’s a hallmark of our program if you ask me. I also talk to parents and leave my door open to them. Over the years I have learned that parents are allies. Very few are against you as coach. Open up your door to them and talk about their child and what makes them tick. If you “collaborate” instead of “wall off” with parents your going to find it a tremendous asset. You want parents at home supporting you. They will do that more when you talk with them and include them in the right way.  

HSH: What advice would you give to other aspiring national level coaches?

MS: If your goal or intention as a coach is to become a “national level coach” so that you can feel good about who you are, then your in a lot of trouble as a leader of young people.

Don’t worry about become a “national level coach”. The essence of the job is creating better runners and people. Stick to reality. The large majority of coaches won’t even win a state title in their state let alone have a chance at going national. Does that make them “bad” or “unsuccessful” coaches? No way. My friend Karen Smidt who does Camp Isaiah with me, she is one of the most incredible coaches I know. She coaches in a place at Brighton High School that has immense challenges to create even a State qualifying team. Yet she dutifully and passionately does the job for her kids. She loves running, loves coaching kids to being better people and runners. She inspires me as much as anyone I know. But the real kick is when you meet her team. Every year I meet kids she coaches and they are as passionate and hungry to get better as any kids I ever meet. They mirror Karen’s passion and energy all the time. That’s what you want as a coach. That is the essence of coaching in my opinion and coaches should strive to be great in their own context. Winning awards is overrated. Winning hearts is underrated.

[tubelessxhopeful]

Hi - I’m Em. I’ve started this blog to let my feelings and thoughts and everything in between out. I’ve been through ectopic pregnancies 4 times and have unfortunately lost my tubes. This post I’m posting now was written during my third ectopic in august 2020 and when I was losing my left tube. I’m hoping this can be an outlet for me and all the crazy thoughts. Since writing the below post, I lost my only remaining tube to my fourth ectopic on January 31/2021 and we are now going to be starting our journey with ivf.

OLD POST ~ WRITTEN AUGUST 2020

Ectopic pregnancy was never something that came to mind when worrying about getting pregnant, I honestly didn’t even really know about it until I was one of the unfortunate women that had to go through it for the first time in 2018. I always worried about fertility issues or miscarriage or still births (all absolutely horrendous situations as well) but ectopic was not even in the back of my mind.

I know I’m not the only one who’s been through this nor will I be the last.

I can’t even put into words the gut wrenching feeling that came over me the first time I was diagnosed in June 2018. I had no idea I was pregnant for almost 2 months before I took a test (obviously I wasnt tracking my cycles at the time...oops.) literally the day after I got my positive pregnancy test I started having extreme pain. Pain that doubled me over and tears running down my face. I knew something was wrong. This first pregnancy wasn’t planned but honestly, as soon as I got the positive I started planning my husband and my future with our new baby in my head. I could picture a little one with us and how our lives would be. That all got ripped away.

I spent 5 days in the hospital with what they define as a pregnancy of unknown location (PUL.) I got countless blood tests and many ultrasounds until finally my gynaecologist diagnosed it as a non viable pregnancy. I had the option to either receive a double shot of methotrexate which is a chemotherapy drug that kills fast developing cells which ultimately ends the non viable pregnancy or I could have laparoscopic surgery. I chose methotrexate.

After the shot, the pain doesn’t end there. Methotrexate depletes your body of folate and makes you feel like absolute garbage in general. You have to get blood tests constantly to monitor your HCG (pregnancy hormone) to ensure the medication is in fact working. I was miserable. On top of the sickness from the medication, you still feel completely pregnant. It’s extremely hard. You bleed, you pass clots and it can take a very long time for your HCG to reach non pregnant levels. The scariest part of this is that until your levels go below 5 you are still at risk of the ectopic rupturing where ever it is implanted. This is a medical emergency and you can hemorrhage and bleed out internally very quickly. You have to have someone with you 24/7 incase you rupture because the pain is usually so severe that you pass out. Luckily I have the best mother in the world who flew to Newfoundland from New Brunswick to stay with me. I couldn’t work, I couldn’t do housework, I couldn’t do light lifting AT ALL for the risk of rupture was there.

With this first experience it took me almost 2 months for my hormones to reach non pregnant levels and pregnancy symptoms to subside.

After your levels reach 0 you have to start taking folic acid again to replenish your body and can’t start trying for another baby for 3 months as methotrexate can harm a fetus and lack of folate can cause birth defects.

Steve and I decided not to try again until after our wedding in 2019.

In that time I got an HSG test done to check if my tubes were clear which is a pretty uncomfortable proceedure that they put a catheter up through and push dye through your Fallopian tubes. To my surprise and happiness - my tubes were clear and looked perfect.

Flash forward to December 2019 - we decided this was our month. We tried again and found out we were pregnant again the second week of January. I couldn’t believe we got pregnant again so quick. I felt so lucky that we could get pregnant easily and we were scared but also excited. I honestly believed this would work out. About a week after finding out I was pregnant I doubled over at work, sweating and felt like I was in the worst pain of my life. I thought I was going to pass out. It’s a pain I can’t describe and unlike anything I’ve ever felt with anything else. I knew it was ectopic again.

I went to the hospital in the morning after work as I was on night shift. They did an ultrasound and immediately found my ectopic in my left tube.

Once again, I chose methotrexate. I mean, who wants to go into surgery if you can avoid it, right?

I was able to go home from the hospital the same day with the promise that someone would be with me to monitor me 24/7. My amazing mom came once again to stay with me so that Steve could go back to work.

This time it took about 5 weeks for my levels to drop to 0.

5 weeks of feeling pregnant and knowing our child wouldn’t survive.

5 weeks of feeling like absolute death from methotrexate.

5 weeks of emotional turmoil.

5 weeks of wondering what I did to cause this.

5 weeks of trying to pretend I was okay to the outside world so they wouldn’t worry.

5 weeks of bloodwork and doctor visits.

5 weeks of tears and pain and feeling so bad.

So - we waited for my levels to get to non pregnant levels. I started taking folic acid. I started exercising to lose weight and making my body the healthiest I’ve ever been. I lost 30 pounds. I did everything under the sun to try to prevent this. Maybe I just had bad luck and the third time would be the time it all works out.

1 in 50 pregnancies are ectopic which is about 2% of pregnancies. I can’t POSSIBLY have another one. I did the testing, my tubes are clear. We were just unlucky.

We decided we would try again in June. We didn’t get pregnant. So we tried again in July.

We got our positive. I was again so thankful that we don’t have the fertility problems that many couples deal with.

But - the feeling of dread came over me immediately. I think one of the shittiest things people who’ve been through pregnancy loss is that we can never be truly excited about a pregnancy. There’s always that feeling of terror and dread that we will once again go through the worst thing that’s ever happened to us.

I immediately got blood work done, I got 3 blood tests done in a week as levels are supposed to double every 48 hours in a normal pregnancy.

Mine were looking great! But I still couldn’t breathe. I still couldn’t enjoy this. I was terrified.

We went on vacation and we had an amazing time. At the start of our vacation I did have bleeding and went to the emergency room (2 hours away from our campsite) to see if everything was okay. They couldn’t see anything on the ultrasound but the gynaecologist said it was too early to see anything anyway but there was nothing obvious in my tube and to wait it out.

We spent the week camping and having fun.

I still had the feeling of dread, though. I felt something was wrong but kept telling myself STATISTICALLY this pregnancy should be normal. I can’t possibly have a THIRD.

My bloodwork continued to rise normal which isn’t typical in ectopics so my doctor kept reassuring me that I was probably okay.

I worked my weekend of nights but I couldn’t settle. I went to the emergency room Monday morning where they did another scan and couldn’t see anything in uterus or tubes. It was likely an unviable pregnancy and I was told it was yet another pregnancy of unknown location at this time. I left the ER but as soon as I got home I had extreme cramping and bleeding. I rushed back to the hospital. I got admitted after about 18 hours of waiting so they could monitor my pregnancy hormone and do another ultrasound on Thursday.

We were devastated. We knew this was going to be yet another loss for us. We couldn’t believe it.

On Thursday the 13th of August I got my 3rd internal ultrasound which once again showed nothing anywhere. We still don’t know where the pregnancy is but if it’s not showing in my uterus, it’s not viable and has implanted somewhere else.

My hormone was rising pretty good. I didn’t understand.

I’m writing this as I try to cope with another loss. Another let down.

As a woman I feel like I’m letting my husband down. I feel like I can’t do the one thing women are “supposed” to be able to naturally do. What is wrong with my body? What did I do to deserve this?

I opted for surgery this time. In hopes to find this pregnancy somewhere so it can be removed as well as try to figure out why this has happened 3 times.

There is clearly something going on inside to cause these ectopics that needs to be looked at internally and hopefully fixed.

the thought of surgery made my mind race.

I may lose one of my tubes.

I may lose both of my tubes.

I may lose an ovary.

I may lose part of my reproductive system and It’s terrifying.

The only thing I want in life is to be a mom. I want to watch my belly grow, I want to give birth. I want that experience so bad. It scares me so much that this may never happen. I hope so much that this will be the last time we need to go through this. I would give anything to have a happy healthy pregnancy for myself and for Steve. Because although my body is going through this - it is also his loss and his pain as well. I can’t stand to see the look of sadness on his face again and hate seeing him so scared for me. It’s so unfortunate that us, as a newlywed couple will never get the experience of being truly happy and excited about a pregnancy like majority of couples can. We will always worry the moment that positive tests shows up and I can’t explain how devastating that is.

Pregnancy loss affects a relationship and I’m so very lucky that although we’ve only been together for 6 years (not even married a year yet) that these losses and experiences have not broken us. It has made us stronger. It has made me realize that Steve truly meant his vows and will fight for me and with me every step of the way; whatever life throws at us. I’m so grateful for him and so grateful for the amazing friends and family that I have to support me through this, multiple times.

Today I wait for surgery. I may be able to get squeezed in today, I may not. All I know is I have such hope that this will be the last time we have to lose a child and face this problem.

My heart aches for any woman or couple that has to deal with any sort of pregnancy loss or fertility issues. It’s so hard to explain the feeling to someone who hasn’t gone through it but I hope I could shed some light. Hope is always there and if anyone needs to talk - I am here. I may not understand your personal journey completely but I will listen.

[neesayy]

2019

January: pretty sure this is when josh slid in da dms lol. Ya know I really liked him at first but my friends were right, he was a crackhead. Honestly January was a chill month overall a 10/10 time

February: I went to my first dance competition! I remember Sierra stepped in my streamer and it fell so after I went and cried my eyeballs out to my dad. Then he started laughing at me so I cried more. Overall it was so fun and I got so close to my team. I love each and every one of them with my whole entire heart, my sweet little babies. This was the month I found out Angel had a girlfriend and my heart was shattered but then I got over it because let be real, nothing was ever gonna happen.

March: this month was tryouts for team for 2019/2020 and it was a crazy time ! Rocket face was still on the team and even at tryouts she was causing problems smh. Anyways I LOVE the people on the team this year so it’s all good now. This month I also got my first job at the zoo. I was just excited to make money because we all know I have a shopping problem. Anyways I hated it so much and being in the heat. I also got high for the first time ever this month hahaha. I took an edible and then shared it with some people on the team. All I remember is trying to put in eye drops but I kept falling over so Maesia had to do it for me and at practice that day coach made changes but the next day I did not remember lol. Also had the last competition of the season at sea world

April: we were in the night parade in April which was so fun! I seriously love dance with my whole entire heart guys. Also cried this month because I realized Steven, Milton, Matt and Jesus are all going to leave me one day and they’re all my besties. Love the gang

May: We had our spring show where I had my first solo ever. Looking back on it it really wasn’t that good but that’s okay still glad I did it. In May my sweet baby love Abri had her 4th birthday party which was Selena theme. I love her with my whole entire heart and would do absolutely anything for her ! She is the light of my life and feel so blessed that’s she wants to be like me. Christian also had his first birthday in May ! The theme was the office and it was amazing. I love little Renee he’s the sweetest boy ! This month I made the worst decision ever and cut my one bangs and that’s all I’m gonna day about that.

June: summer started and I lived my best life and things got uhhh crazy/ confusing basically. I texted Angel every day of the summer. We all know I’ve always liked him but he got a girlfriend so I pushed it away, well he started flirting with me this month. Little did I know this was gonna last for like 4 months. This month was office camp which was so long but fun. We learned all our routines and I got an award for high kick and other stuff so yea I was proud of myself.

July: the beginning of July I saw cuco with faith and Jocelynn! You guys it was so fun and even ran into josh there, no hard feelings though. Anyways it was a great time and I’m so glad I went with faith and Jocelynn wouldn’t have wanted to experience that with anyone else. Then at the end of the month I went to go see Shawn Mendes. I have had those tickets since last Christmas so the fact that it was finally happening:) I have been in love with him since magcon okay y’all. I went with Ariana and Laney and it was an amazing time. Angel was still out here telling me all the sweetest things and like the fool I am, believed it. Also I still worked at the zoo so tragic. I kinda loved July was literally having the best time.

August: senior season started y’all. This month was pretty chill it mainly consisted of getting ready for football season and y’all already know I was ready to support my #40 lol. This whole month my little heart was filled with butterflies. Also the 3rd day of school I had a full on melt down bc they wouldn’t take me out of AP gov and I wanted out because I knew it was gonna be a huge struggle for me. I was right. So shoutout Edison for that disservice. I also found out I had a class with Angel’s girlfriend and for like a month and a half I couldn’t even look at her without feeling sick because well her boyfriend was basically cheating on her with um me. Angel and I have never done anything it’s all just talk and I would never allow anything between us to happen while he’s in a relationship.

September: this month I quit the zoo !!! I hated it there it was just not for me. So now I’m unemployed and I miss working because I miss having my own money since I have a shopping problem. This month Norma and Matt got married!! I love them, my second family. Now this month I was really really really in love or whatever with Angel. I knew it was wrong to be flirting with with one another and listen to all the things he would say “ I’m gonna marry you, have my kids” etc. but he’s the first guy I’ve liked since Michael so it was hard to walk away.

October: I loved this month it was nothing but amazing! I went to mala with my friends which was so fun. The food from that one truck “rice rice baby” was so good and I miss it so much :( I turned 18 and honestly bless up because I’ve had lots more freedom actually. I also saw post Malone with Lizzy, my bff since we were 3. I’m so in love with post Malone it was great. Anyways overall October was great.

November:football season ended this month and it made me so sad. I’m a senior and it’s like my last everything this year like I really had my last football season. Football season is always the best time of year because I love my team so much and we have so much fun with each other. The about of memories I’ve made with my team is so many because they crack me up my little babies. I also had a little party for my birthday and it was nice just being with my friends.

December: I recently was told some stuff that opened my eyes to a situation I’ve been in for months, since the summer. It made me happy and really sad all at the same time but now I’m not even sad, I can only grow from this experience which is what I plan to do. I just can’t believe that I really stick around for that long I should’ve listened to all my friends because they just care for me and for that I’m thankful. Anyways I’m still doing great and I hope once I heal and Seth heals we’ll be able to be more than friends because he’s good for me (haha y’all don’t know who this is only Milton does)

Overall this year was really good to me compared to 2018 so thank you Jesus for that. I can only grow and learn from the things that have happened which is what I plan to do to make 2020 a great year. So much is going to happen in the coming year and I’m actually really scared and feel like I have no one in my corner supporting me but that’s okay I’ll be okay. I love everyone in my life honestly and yea :)

[andrewdburton]

My travel and speaking schedule for 2020

It's that time of year! I've been sorting through speaking invitations and comparing event schedules to my personal plans. I now have a rough idea of where I'll be in 2020 — and when. (As I finalize details, I'll update this post to reflect any changes.)

This year, I'll be traveling much less than last.

In 2019, I was away from home something like 3-1/2 months out of twelve. That was too much. In 2020, I'm deliberately saying “no” to opportunities. Still, I enjoy meeting and connecting with other folks who want to improve their lives — and the lives of others. So, I've agreed to a handful of engagements.

Here are the highlights from my “money event” calendar for the next few months.

“Intro to FIRE” Project (March 31st)

Before I do any travel, I have to do some work.

At the moment, most of my energy and attention is devoted to a five-hour audio-only project that I'm writing for Audible and The Great Courses. They've recruited me to create an introduction to financial independence and early retirement. It'll contain ten half-hour lessons on topics ranging from purpose to profit.

My first deadline for this project was January 31st. I turned in half of the course (which totaled about 20,000 words) and am awaiting feedback. The final five lectures are due by March 31st. My aim is to finish these by March 25th, my birthday. (I'd love to have more review time for editing and other improvements.)

In early May, after a speaking gig in St. Louis, I'll fly to Virginia to record the course. I'm not sure when it'll be released, but I'll be sure to keep you updated.

Plutus Voices: Portland (April 16th)

Get Rich Slowly turns fourteen on April 15th. To celebrate, I'll be hosting a Plutus Voices event here in portland.

The Plutus Foundation is a financial-literacy non-profit for which I am a board member. Plutus Voices is “a series of learning and networking events for the financial media bringing attention to important topics”. The Phoenix event, for instance, discussed meeting the financial needs of underserved communities. In Denver, we discussed financial independence and women.

On April 16th (or perhaps the 15th), Luna Jaffe and I will co-host a Portland event during which we'll explore our changing relationships with money. We may or may not be joined by our pal, Dougls Tsoi.

We're in the initial planning stages for Plutus Voices: Portland. I'll post more info (such as time and location) when I have it.

Financial Freedom Summit: St. Louis (May 1st to 3rd)

In early May, I'll fly to St. Louis for the first-ever Financial Freedom Summit. This event is “for anyone interested in pursuing financial freedom”, whether you're just starting you're journey toward F.I. or you've already reached early retirement.

Because this is the first FFS, I can't comment on what it'll be like. I have no idea. But it's being organized by some smart folks, so I'm hopeful that it will grow into an annual mecca for money nerds. I've agreed to speak in some limited capacity — possibly an on-stage Q&A about life after early retirement — but mostly I'm looking forward to hang out with readers and colleagues.

Camp Mustache: Seattle (May 22nd to 25th)

Several years ago, a group of Mr. Money Mustache readers got together at a retreat center outside Seattle over the long Memorial Day weekend. They've repeated this gathering every year since. This year, Camp Mustache tickets sold out in twenty seconds.

Camp Mustache is fun for a variety of reasons. It's low-key. It's egalitarian (meaning there are no “speakers” per se; anyone can present). And it's a place for like-minded folks to share their stories of extreme frugality and travel hacking. For me, it's an opportunity to spend time with people that I don't get to see as often as I'd like.

Chautauqua: Ecuador (August 29th to September 5th)

My big event for the year will be yet another money chautauqua.

In 2013, J.L. Collins from The Simple Path to Wealth partnered with Cheryl Reed to host the first-ever F.I. chautauqua, a week-long retreat for like-minded folks to discuss the path to financial freedom — and what comes after.

That year, I spoke for the first time about about the connection between money and meaning. Since then, I've returned to give the same presentation in 2014, 2016, and 2019. I'll do it again in 2020.

Out of all the money events I'm a part of, the chautauquas (chautauquae?) are my favorite. They're intense. For an entire week, a group of twenty or thirty people spend nearly every waking moment together to talk about money. Each speaker gives a two- or three-hour presentation. Plus, we have hour-long meetings with interested attendees.

Today, there are two different chautauqua events.

The official J.L. Collins chautauqua hops around Europe. In 2018, it was held in Greece. Last year, we met in Portugal. This year, folks will fly to Croatia. From my experience, this event is targeted at folks who are “fatFIRE”, those who tend to have higher net worths and higher spending. It's deliberately designed as a “premium event”. Dates and speakers for this year's European F.I. chautauqua aren't out yet, but should be announced soon.

The Ecuador chautauqua tends to have a different focus. It's more geared toward the “leanFIRE” crowd. Presentations are often about the Big Picture rather than simply about wealth-building. And some years are barely about money at all. (In 2016, I hosted a week with Leo from Zen Habits and David from Raptitude. Not really a money event!)

For this year's Ecuador chautauqua, I'll once again be speaking about money and meaning. (This is my life mission, after all!) Right now, it looks like I may also cover the nuts and bolts of FIRE — the basics — but that's not certain yet. And, as always, Cheryl will present on happiness and well-being.

I'm excited to be joined by some of my favorite colleagues:

Piggy and Kitty from Bitches Get Riches, which is one of my favorite money blogs. (I love it so much that I send them money every month via Patreon.) The Bitches think they'll be speaking about “how to lift as you climb”. What should you do with your financial independence? Share the wealth, contribute to the success of others, and use your newfound power and autonomy to help others achieve the same.

Tanja Hester from Our Next Life. I just had dinner with Tanja and Mark last Saturday. She told me that she hopes to talk about using money for good, toward purposeful ends. But she'll probably cover more about life after FI rather than the journey itself.

Want to join us? You should book a spot for the Ecuador chautauqua today!

Note that Tanja will host another week in Ecuador. That event — from August 22nd to August 29th — is only for women.

Fincon: Los Angeles (September 30th to October 3rd)

No surprise that I'll be at this year's Fincon Expo, the annual convention for money media — not just bloggers, but newspaper columnists, television journalists, and more. This year, to celebrate its tenth year, Fincon will be held in Los Angeles. (Long Beach, to be precise.)

At this point, I have no plans to speak at Fincon, but that will probably change. I'm sure I'll end up on a panel, or moderating a panel, or participating in some other way. The Fincon folks have become my family. I love them. (And, in fact, I'm writing this while on a week-long ski trip with 25 other Finconners!)

Other Possibilities

It's possible that I'll add other travel and/or speaking to my year, but it's unlikely. If I do anything else, it'll probably be to fly to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin to help remodel the caboose commune.

A few folks in the FI blogging crowd have begun to buy adjacent units from an old caboose hotel. The group currently owns three cabeese, and may soon add a fourth. Two of the cabeese need hard-core renovations, so we're hoping to get together for a work party. But whether I can join the fun is currently up in the air.

I may also be able to make it to one of the Camp FI retreats held across the U.S. I love these gatherings, but it's getting more and more difficult to justify the expense of traveling to them. If I can make it fit with other travel, I'm glad to go. (Camp FI is an outgrowth of Camp Mustache. It's generally held on holiday weekends at retreat centers around the U.S.)

Lastly, there's a small chance that I'll return to Europe this winter to re-visit the Christmas markets. My cousin Duane continues to defy the odds and beat his throat cancer (yay!). He's hinted that he'd like to repeat our trip from December 2018. I would too, and maybe Kim could join us this time. We'll see. I'm guessing that we'll start serious planning for this in October if it still seems appealing.

As always, I'm happy to meet with GRS readers when they find themselves in Portland — especially if they're able to come my direction. Now that I have office space in Lake Oswego, that makes a perfect meeting space. Let me know if you come to town! We can meet up for beer or coffee — or a dog walk.

The post My travel and speaking schedule for 2020 appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/my-travel-and-speaking-schedule/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[thomasroach]

Top RPG News Of The Week: March 3rd (The Outer Worlds, Kingdom Hearts 3, Pokemon and More!)

The post Top RPG News Of The Week: March 3rd (The Outer Worlds, Kingdom Hearts 3, Pokemon and More!) appeared first on Fextralife.

Happy weekend from Fextralife! If you’ve been too busy to keep up on the latest in the games we cover or are looking for a refresher we’ve got you covered! Here’s a bite-sized version of the Top RPG news of the week. Taste all the latest news across the Fextralife Wiki Network.

Check out the video above and read on for the text!

Rumour: The Outer Worlds Release Date Leaked On Steam?

A highly anticipated game this year is the release of The Outer Worlds, a sci-fi action RPG by Obsidian. While details of the title have been many, the release date has not been shared. A recent change on their Steam page however may have just outed the release date.

According to the Steam DB website, an added release date popped up on February 22nd, detailing a launch on August 6th 2019 for The Outer Worlds. However, this was removed later that day, but can still be seen on the Steam DB changelog. The fact that is was added and then hastily removed, could leave us to believe that this date might be true.

If this date is true, we could be seeing more of the game at E3 2019 as this takes place before August. Nothing has been confirmed by either Obsidian Entertainment or Private Division. Until then we will keep you posted with any details we learn. The Outer Worlds will be available with a physical version for PS4 and Xbox One, while PC will remain digital.

To read more about this news find it here in Rumour: The Outer Worlds Release Date Leaked On Steam?.

Fallout 76

In a post on the Bethesda website, the developer has outlined the upcoming updates for the Fallout 76 while addressing some of the player concerns. They acknowledge the rough start the game has had, and want to help improve the title “together”.

In addition to continue to make adjustments to the game, Bethesda have a year long plan for updates which will be free content for players. The plan is split into three parts, the first called Wild Appalachia coming in Spring 2019, the second Nuclear Winter that is set to launch in Summer, and lastly Wasterlanders coming in Fall.

These include the new survival mode that was announced back in January, which comes with quests and new features for Spring. High level vault raids, new mode called Nuclear Winter for Summer, as well as further quests, events and features towards the end of the year.

To read more about this news find it here in Bethesda Reveal Fallout 76 Roadmap Of Free Content For 2019.

The Division 2

Running up to the launch of the The Division 2 beta, Ubisoft release a new trailer highlighting the roles players can choose in the endgame and more about the group infiltrating Washington called the “The Black Tusk”.

The new trailer featuring what players will be able do in the endgame of The Division 2. Not only teasing raids, new quests but highlighting the three choices of skill specialisations: Survivalist, Demolitionist or Sharpshooter. The trailer talks about The Black Tusk, a group that are wreaking havoc, “this army was designed to eliminate Washington’s last line of defence”.

Not only concentrating on content for the release but also post-launch content which includes a “full year of free additional story-driven missions, map expansions and gameplay modes”.

It’s a positive sign that the developers are thinking about the longevity of the game, focusing on what players can do after the main campaign has finished. Hopefully they can bring enough to keep players coming back for more.

The Division 2 comes to PS4, Xbox One and PC on March 15th 2019 with the beta coming March 1st until March 4th.

To read more about this news find it here in Ubisoft Release The Division 2 “Endgame” Trailer.

Sekiro

The new boss revealed via the Sekiro official Twitter account and the Playstation Europe Youtube channel shares The Chained Ogre. Much like the previous bosses we have seen in trailers before, such as the Lady Butterfly and General Tenzen Yamauchi, we get to see a teaser of what’s to come.

The Chained Ogre’s most outstanding feature is his glowing red eyes that burn with rage. This brute draws his strength from anger and looks like he has a good punch or two considering his hand is larger than Sekiro’s head. Emerging from what appears to be a prison, he bursts onto the scene breaking away from his bonds already enraged.

Players will have to come up with strategies to beat this brutish Ogre, while being wary of combat features including Posture which depletes as you strike your enemies as well as perform finishers. If you want to know more about combat you can find out more in our Sekiro Gameplay And Hands-On Gameplay And Impressions.

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice will be releasing on March 22nd 2019 on Playstation 4, Xbox One and PC.

To read more about this news find it here in Sekiro New Boss Trailer Featuring The Chained Ogre.

Ni No Kuni II: Revenant Kingdom DLC

After almost year after its release, Level-5 and Bandai Namco Entertainment are still adding some content to the fantasy RPG game Ni no Kuni 2: Revenant Kingdom. The upcoming DLC called The Tale of a Timeless Tome will be coming March 19th.

The DLC will focus on “new memories of Evan’s friends, more fighting methods, new locations, and characters.” Not only introducing a new story but new combat methods that will “enhance the players’ battle abilities: the Wizard’s Companion and Martha’s Method”. Players will be able to explore a new location the Solosseum Slog.

Ni no Kuni 2: Revenant Kingdom’s The Tale of a Timeless Tome DLC will be available on March 19th PC and PS4 for $14.99 or is free if you purchased the season pass.

To read more about this news find it here in Ni no Kuni II: Revenant Kingdom DLC The Tale of a Timeless Tome.

Dead Cells DLC Rise of the Giant

The action-platformer Dead Cells is going to receive a free DLC which has been in production for nine months by the developer Motion Twin.

The new DLC called Rise of the Giant is now accessible to those who opt-in beta for PC for Dead Cells. In a video that was released by Red Bull, it shows off the gameplay gaining a closer look at what went into making the DLC, but warning as it contains some spoilers. We get to see the new final area called the Cavern which can be unlocked after beating the game for the first time after defeating the colossal skeletal boss.

Motion Twin share some of the details in their latest patch notes for The Rise of the Giant DLC update and it will be a big one. Not only including the Cavern area and boss, but also a second new area and boss to beat as well. Both are only accessible once you have reached Boss-Cells 5 which is a more challenging difficulty requiring you to beat the final boss five times.

You will also encounter ten new enemies, some of which will appear in certain new locations, and some that will pop up when you play in a higher difficulty. There’s also a new Skinning system, gain over 50 character outfits that can be sought out by collecting blueprints. Motion Twin are also adding three new skills which includes a flying pet, as well as ten new weapons, these include Giant Killer and Boï Axe.

So far Twin Motion have not revealed a release date for the Rise of the Giant update but it will be available for free to those who own Dead Cells on PC, PS4, Xbox One and Nintendo Switch.

To read more about this news find it here in Dead Cells Gets Free DLC Rise Of The Giant.

Pokemon Sword and Shield

A special Nintendo Direct which took place on Pokemon Day, the developer finally share the reveal of the upcoming Pokemon games to hit the Nintendo Switch which is part of Generation 8. Rumours have been flying whether this special Nintendo Direct would share the next game and I guess the netziens got it right as that’s exactly what they did. The trailer was shown and also shared that the games will release “late 2019”.

Not only showing some of the environments trainers will be exploring but also some of the Pokemon that will inhabit them. We get to see new Pokemon which included monkey type creature called Grookey, a bunny with flames aptly called Scorbunny, and a lizard type that has the ability to go invisible in water called Sobble. Some gameplay was seen in the Direct but not extensively, showing that the grassy plains will bring back random encounters that has been a part of the series since the beginning.

Sword and Shield are directed by Shigeru Ohmori who was behind the Sun and Moon entries of the game, and has been working on the series since 2002 Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire. However, this might not just be it for The Pokemon Company in terms of Pokemon games, they teased there may be others in works for the franchise, but no details have been shared as of yet.

To read more about this news find it here in Nintendo Reveal Pokemon Sword And Shield RPG For Switch.

Kingdom Hearts 3

In an interview with the Japanese website Dengki Online, Kingdom Hearts 3 Direct Tetsuya Nomura reveals that a paid DLC will be coming at the end of this year.

Not only will the DLC be quite large in size, a Critical Mode will be added to the game. So far Tetsuya hasn’t specified if the Critical Mode will be coming as part of a free DLC or as part of the paid DLC.

Critical Mode will be coming soon, but it won’t be an artificial difficulty level which makes enemies deal higher damage, it will actually include a lot of changes and has been described as “fun like only Critical mode can be”.

Nomura has also solidified the fact that Kingdom Hearts 3 will not have a Final Mix version like others in the series, but instead gain new additions that will be coming in the form of DLCs. There will be free DLCs and paid DLCs. Free DLCs will be released now and again, but the purchasable DLC will come in a pack. The aim for the KH3 team is to complete the DLCs before the end of 2019 and to start working on the next game. But it looks like Nomura has a busy year ahead, with a full schedule of projects, so he has not begun to plan for the next Kingdom Hearts game.

To read more about this news find it here in Kingdom Hearts 3 To Get Large Paid DLC and Critical Mode Announced.

Darksiders 3

The first DLC for Darksiders 3 is now available to purchase for $6.99, bringing a wave-based challenge mode which sets players to try survive “101 waves of gruelling combat, fit only for the toughest and steadfast of warriors”. Players will also have a chance to pick up new armor sets, all new enchantments and even rare crafting materials for weapons and enhancements.

New items can be gained in-game from Targon the Crucible Overseer, also known as the brother of Kargon who appeared in the Darksiders 2, master of The Crucible.

Gunfire Games have also revealed some of the details of how the wave mode will work, explaining that you will face 25 waves at a time, each time being offered a choice to take the reward or to continue on, risking the chance of losing everything.

Darksiders 3 released last year in November and is available to play on Playstation 4, Xbox One and PC. You can now pick up the DLC The Crucible for PC, Playstation 4 and Xbox One for $6.99, £5.99, €6.99 depending on your region.

To read more about this news find it here in Darksiders 3 Releases DLC The Crucible.

Well, that’s it for the Week in Wikis. Please join us next week for yet another great week of gaming! Remember to check out our VIP program for some exclusive supporter benefits, and budding writers should take advantage of our Become an Author initiative! Thanks again for being a part of this great community. Keep checking in with us for news, reviews, YouTube streams and vids, and general wiki goodness!

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The post Top RPG News Of The Week: March 3rd (The Outer Worlds, Kingdom Hearts 3, Pokemon and More!) appeared first on Fextralife.

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