#also fucking your friends and STAYING friends too!!!!

[gospelica]

just a thought but imagine older bf nanami

that’s it.

EEEEEEK! <3

older bf!nanami is the one to show you how a real man should act in a relationship! he gives you your first taste of being doted on by a gentleman and god is he good at getting you hooked. he takes you on proper dates: out for dinner and movies and nights dancing. picks u up from college or school or work and he opens the door to his car for you and once he’s in his seat leans over to buckle you up n kiss your cheek at the same time :(

older bf!nanami is mature enough not to care about the things said about the age gap too. he knows his intentions and he knows what he has in you and he isn’t about to let someone’s opinion change that! plus his coworkers are a little sleazy and nanami doesn’t mind much the jealous looks they give him when u drop him off some lunch and stay a little too long to kiss him long and good!

older!nanami likes calling himself ur partner because boyfriend feels too juvenile for him. but you call him your boyfriend like it’s the biggest badge of honour in the world (it is) and so he takes it in stride!

sometimes you like teasing older!nanami about his age too. you’ll use slang in texts that he doesn’t understand and laugh at him when he learns and uses it in the wrong context. or you’ll pluck a grey hair (he swears you’re the cause of them) from his hairline and tell him all gooey that you love him even if he’s a grumpy old man :(

also he takes over all the paperwork. taxes n forms and files all belong to him now as long as u sit on his lap while he fills em out :))))) <3

(nsfw under cut)

older!nanami is kind of a perv tho … :( he can’t help it! you just have fresh eyes and youre excitable about things that ppl his age don’t care for anymore, why does he get hard when you tell him the latest gossip between your friends? he does not know. but it’s ok because you’ll stroke him nice and slow while you ramble on about his day and he likes it that way.

older!nanami has that extra layer of experience too. he hasn’t taken that many lovers but he’s read enough erotica in his time to know just how to please you. he shows you positions and pleasures you didn’t even know were possible before him!

older!nanami worships your body too. you’re young and so perfect to him that he can’t help but let you know just how much he loooooves you. kisses all over your body, all the time. he holds your hand and kisses your knuckles while he fucks you :((

older!nanami spoils his baby too, always. you’re always finding new lingerie or toys waiting for you on the bed when you come home after a long day. he never expects anything in return but doesn’t mind getting to see you in the pretty sets his paycheck goes towards!

older!nanami might have to keep buying you lingerie though. because you keep complaining about your panties going missing. it’s not like nanami is a huuuge perv who steals them to jerk off into when ur not together or anything! he’s definitely not a panty sniffer!!!!!

i luv older bf nanami <3

[littlcdarlin]

dbf!Joel headcanons

warnings: big, though unspecified age gap, 18+ (as always)

note: Uni has been kicking my ass, so I’ve only had time for some headcanons lately. This Joel is very sweet, but I’m open to writing sleazy or dark Joel, too! If you have requests for any headcanons, I will be able to write them even during this stressful time. Full fics will take me a while longer. Enjoy reading, my loves <3 and feel free to add stuff!

He doesn’t really know how to cook well and mostly eats his faves every day but when you stay over more and more he makes an effort to learn and actually finds out he really likes it

Whatever pressure your parents put on you, he relieves it by accepting it rather than trying to fix it for you — you can just exist around him without expectation

He worries the age difference means you don’t have much to talk about, so he watches your favourite show that you mentioned and although it certainly wouldn’t have been his first pick, it lets him unwind. He likes watching something he knows you’ve watched and loved when you’re not around, it makes him feel closer to you

When he first starts looking at you differently he blue balls himself so as not to disrespect you — when he has sex with someone to relieve himself, he accidentally says your name to them

He keeps a polaroid of you in his wallet and cashiers wonder why he smiles at his debit card so much

He finds it hard to stay friends with your dad, because it makes him feel weird about this dynamic with you. He distances himself from your parents after they react badly to the news of your relationship, not because of guilt or cowardice, but because he doesn’t tolerate how they treat you

He thought he would hate the gossip after the two of you go public, but when you do, he finds himself imagining knocking you up just so everyone knows what he does to you. He opts for lots of hickeys until kids might be a possibility, but that doesn’t stop him from pretending you don’t have an IUD when he finishes inside of you

He loves when you wear his clothes, but when you forget your scarf at his place he wears it and enjoys that just as much — it smells like you and he likes the idea of people being able to tell it’s somebody else’s

When he figures out how much you like him talking to you during sex, he starts using the same voice/phrases in public to get you flustered & wet for him

He keeps everything that reminds him of you, like parking tickets etc. He doesn’t do anything with those things, doesn’t put them in a box, so they linger around his house, reminding him of you the way photographs would, except more privately

He starts “putting in an effort” for you when you start dating: styling his hair & wearing clothes he thinks you would prefer, until you tell him you like nothing more than his flannels and band tees and jeans, and although he doesn’t tell you, he’s beyond relieved. He realises you like him for him

When you tell your parents, Joel asks your father to hit him because “he knows he deserves it”. With time he learns he also deserves your kisses and smiles. Those things coexist within him, he thinks both are true

Despite completely supporting you in your pursuit of a degree & career, he likes when you’re on holiday, waiting around for him in his house wearing nothing but a pair of panties he bought for you & one of his hoodies. During those lazy weeks, he fucks you morning, afternoon, and night: before he leaves, when he gets home, and right before you go to sleep

He buys you a ring during the first week of dating because you mentioned how much you like it. He doesn’t give it to you until he knows you feel certain about him — he doesn’t want to freak you out. Still, even before that, he sometimes looks at it in its little black box and envisions it on your finger

During your first couple of “public dates” (neighbourhood barbecue where your parents are present etc.) he refrains from touching you much, although everyone knows about your relationship. You have to take his hand and initiate small touches for him to feel more comfortable

It takes him a short while, but then he loves being able to touch you in front of people: a hand on your lower back, an arm across your shoulder, his fingers lacing through yours, him pulling your back against his front and wrapping his arms around you. People stare sometimes (your Dad breaks one or two wine glasses in his hand), but Joel stops caring when he sees how happy it makes you

He tells you that you can change things about his home, that it should feel like your place, too and asks if you want to go shopping for “candles and stuff”, but you love being in a space that feels completely like him. It’s not how your apartment looks, but it makes you feel at ease, like you’re somehow living inside of him

Before he tells you he loves you, he whispers it in your ear when you’re sleeping, hoping your subconscious will somehow pick up on it. When he does tell you while you’re awake for the first time, it’s during breakfast. You stub your toe, and let out a string of curses you must have picked up on from him, and while he presses ice against your foot, kneeling in front of you, he smiles up and tells you: I love you.

The first time you sleep over at his house after he spent the night in your apartment, two brand new bottles of the shampoo and conditioner you use are in his shower. You thank him and jokingly ask why he didn’t buy your shower gel, too. He kisses you and tells you he likes when you smell like him.

He likes making you come more times than you thought you could — something about moving in and out of you while you tell him you can’t do it again, that you’re done, and then watching you fall apart on his cock anyway, thrills him to the bone. It makes him feel powerful, but part of it is knowing you let him fuck you without expecting an orgasm, that him being inside of you is enough for you to feel good

He doesn’t tell you, but he adds your name to his car insurance, so that you can drive it whenever you want

When you figure it out you give him road head every time the two of you drive somewhere — until he almost crashes the car and he forbids you to tempt him while he’s behind the wheel

He’s so nervous he asks Tommy for help when picking out a birthday gift for you — Tommy goes overboard and the gift turns out to be something completely ridiculous like a pair of huge earrings you would never wear. You tell Joel you don’t need a big fuss to feel loved by him. At night, he gives you a present he’s been wanting to give you for a while: he plays you a song he wrote for you on his guitar. It’s quiet and simple and so perfect you cry for half an hour

He doesn’t sleep well when you’re not around, and loves being close to you at night. If he could, he’d sleep nestled inside of you after a round of lazy midnight sex every night

As much as Tommy annoys him, it makes him happy to see how well you two get along. When you become actual friends with Tommy and hang out with him on your own, he’s more than pleased: the two people he loves the most in the world have become close

He would never ask it of you, but when you tell him you have stopped masturbating because he fucks you so often, it pleases him deeply. He likes being the only source of your pleasure. When you are apart for a while because of work/collage etc., he buys you a toy he can control from his phone

He tells Tommy he thinks he’s going to marry you during the first month of dating, which you find out about only on your wedding day during Tommy’s speech

[bandgie]

just reread ur freeuse reader and skz drabble but now all i can think of is skz who is freeuse imagine just being in public and just eating them out / sucking them off while they whine :33

did you ask for a MTL on who I think likes to be free-use? did I hear a yes? !!free use society ahead!!

most!

han!

lovely slut! he's sooo endearing and wants to be used anytime anywhere! you want him to finger you in the theaters? done! giving you head during a night out? yes please! but he gets so embarrassed when you do it to him. stroking him while he's trying to work on a song or when you're on double date? he's blushing so hard and he'd prolly beg you to wait until you get home. he secretly likes it tho. the way you keep a conversation with your fingers playing with his tip makes him leak so much

seungmin!

okay, please don't be shocked. I had to put him up this high. USE HIM. USE HIM. USE HIM. I'm tired of seungmin being a hard dom when irl I know he loves being rough-handled and used. he's a huge munch idk why that's such a strong belief I have. he'll do anything for you anywhere. ask him to fuck you while the members are over and he's putting you on the dinner table and drilling your shit unbearably good. the only limit I'd say is when he's working ? like practicing his vocals he just really need to focus and he can't do that when you're pretty legs are open just asking to be spread

hyunjin!

he worships you idk what you want me to say. he doesn't even view it as sex or something gross, he just wants to be close to you in the most intimate way possible (I think ive said this before). constantly rubbing your clit because he knows you looveeee that and kissing the curve of your neck because that also drives you insane. you honestly don't even have to ask hyunjin, he just knows when you need it because he knows you so well. that being said, he also would like his partner to be free-use too. he wants the passion to be equal

changbin!

I feel wrong putting him lower, but I think it's true. he's shy and he likes to keep things between you two, BUT he feels super prideful (as a Leo should) when you ask him for a favor. he's most comfortable with oral, but he underestimated how much you enjoy giving it to him. you wanna do it public??? he'll give in but he hides his blushing face in his hoodies and tries to keep him hips from bucking so much. if he gets super into it, he'll thread his hand in your hair and try pushing you deeper. I can only imagine how much his members coo like ugh I just know Felix watches almost enviously lmaooo

felix!

he actually really likes it! the reason he's lower is because he just feels uncomfortable sometimes. like, I don't think Felix enjoys that many people watching. especially if they're strangers. but if it's his members or friends? then yessssss use him! pull his panties to the side and do what you want! lol, but he just needs to be warmed up with the people around him. he would also love it if some members joined in on you using him. like maybe he's fucking you and someone's pinching his nipples or guiding his hips to fuck you harder. he really really likes feeling completely surrounded, so he's down for a whole orgy so long as he knows and trusts everyone.

jeongin

okay I was gonna put him last but then I was thinking and? he really likes fingering you. feeling your plush walls and if you're jerking him off too?? pure bliss. the members get tired of trying to talk to him when you're there cuz you end up whispering in his ear to play with your clit and it always ends with you two moaning into each other's mouth. or if someone's trying to talk to him and you get on your knees to suck him off, jeongin is so persistent like "Nono, keep talking im listening" and his fingers curl into your hair and he's trying to stay still because HE'S the free-use but holy shit your mouth is so warm and soft, he cums straight down your throat. but like I said, HE'S free-use, so you overstimulate him pretty often until the person he's talking to can't stand jeongin's high pitched whining and rolling eyes like - I need to stop

chan!

bandgie...did you really put him this low? yes and im sorry. but listen! he's shy okay??? he's a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets! some things are for you and him and THATS IT. maybe a very small handful of people who he trusts can see but he's just really possessive. if YOU were free-use? that'd be different. like he gets to use you and everyone knows who you belong to, but him? what if people think you want another free-use bf? what if they think he isn't already owned? he worries too much BUT I do think he's similar to minho in that he'd eat you out and finger you, but sexsexsex? I mmeeaannnn if you ask nicely and bat your pretty eyelashes he would, but he would also give anyone the death stare that so much as glances your way.

minho!

he likes it, but like idk. he's down to finger you anytime, getting all your juices gushing down his wrist because he's genuinely the best finger-blaster on the planet, but full on sex?? he has boundaries. you want a quickie in the bathroom? okay yes he's absolutely okay with that, but even if it is a free-use society and it's accepted he just? he just likes keeping it low-key. BUT he likes people knowing he's yours. maybe an earrings or necklace with your initial. a hickey that never seems to go away. something to mark him as yours. but anything more than his hands or mouth publically is a limit

least!

[dean-samw67]

can you do cis female reader with sevika in a friends with benefits relationship? maybe smut but lots of angst because reader wants more but sevika is too busy and doesn’t want to commit to a relationship right now. also i love you❤️

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'It's For The Best'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

AFAB!Fem!Reader x Sevika

WARNING: SMUT, ANGST, SWEARING, MINORS DNI

(I love you!! Hope this is up to what you are looking for! It has been quite a while since I have written)

Word count: 2801

The smell of cigarette smoke fills the air as you catch your breath, staring at the ceiling. Glancing next to you after a moment, looking at Sevika with a cigarette in between her forefinger and middle finger. It was always like this. No aftercare or much of anything after sex. Actually, the fact that she stayed for her cigarette is an improvement. Normally she is quick to get her shit and leave. You kind of test the waters and roll over to lay against her chest, arm laying over her stomach. That's when she sits up, pushing you off as she does.

“I got to go.” She says, a little muffled from the cigarette hanging from in between her lips. You let out a groan and sit up, the thin sheet falling off your chest. Sevika grabs her boxers and slips them on, her pants following. You watch her with sad eyes as she moves around the room.

“Sevika-”

“No. You know our agreement. This is nothing more than sex.” She says with a stern look. You bite your lip to keep from saying something stupid. “No strings attached.”

“Right…” You mumble and run a hand through your hair with a sigh. Sevika picks up her shirt and pulls it on in a quick motion.

“You coming back tonight?” You had the tiniest bit of hope in your voice.

“Probably not.” She puts out the cigarette on the ashtray on your bedside table. The one you specifically bought for her.

You go to say something but she’s out the door before you get a chance. Fuck. This is what it has been for a while now. You can’t exactly remember why you agreed to it. It happened by accident really. She was pent up and you really liked her. A lot. So it just happened. Now you are stuck in this loop. You pining while she is only interested in the sex. She said she really couldn’t do a relationship. And you could understand, if it wasn’t for how much it hurt.

You groan as you get out of the bed to head to your bathroom and take a shower. A long one, spending at least an hours wallowing in your sadness before getting out. Your fingers and toes were pruned up from how long you were in there. You step in front of the fogged mirror as you dry your hair, using the towel to swipe at the mirror so you can see yourself.

You look at the way your eyes were red and slightly swollen. You were really down bad.

~~~

A few days later you were back at it. Her hands tangled in your hair as her tongue moved against yours. She was not gentle about it. Her prosthetic hand gripping your hip and pushing your rear end roughly against the wall behind you. All you can do is give in and moan into her mouth.

“Fuck…” The way she muttered that word sent you into a spiral. Her voice was deep and raspy. It drove you insane. Your hips buck forward in an attempt to get some form of friction but her hand held you in place, earning a whimper of need from you. She can’t help but chuckle at the needy sound.

Your whines are replaced by a gasp when she lifts you up off the ground with just her mechanical arm. Your legs instinctively go around her waist and grunt as her body presses you against the wall even more. She bites at your bottom lip, tugging it a bit with her teeth.

She pulls you off the wall finally and in one fluid motion you are on the bed while she is lifting off your top. You stare up at her, pupils dilating as you shift to help her. Your bra is gone just as quick as your top is and her lips are quick to attack the now exposed skin. As soon as you felt her sucking on the skin you knew she was going to leave marks. Deep ones. She knew what she was doing.

“Sevika…” The moan leaves your lips so quick. Her mouth moves over your breasts, leaving marks in its wake. Your hands find the hem of her shirt, tugging it upwards. She assists you, allowing you to get it off. Your eyes trail over her toned stomach and happy trail that stuck out from the hem of her pants. She wore a black sports bra.

She dips her head back down, kissing along the valley between your breasts. Her lips trail your stomach, hands yanking down your pants and panties in a swift motion. You gasp when the air hits your skin and your legs shut instinctively. She pulls your pants off your ankles and looks up with a smirk as she drops to her knees and forces your thighs apart. You look down at her, biting your bottom lip as you felt the way your wetness is now exposed to her.

She chuckles as her hand slides down your stomach and rests just above where you need her most. She glances at you once before her thumb finds your clit causing you to jump and let out a whine of pleasure. “There you go…” Her words are like an electric shock through your body as she touches you.

She always did this. Made you lose control, gasping and moaning, uncontrollably. And she always managed it so quickly. It was almost embarrassing. In an instant her hand is gone and replaced by her mouth, lips latching around your swollen clit. Her hands grasp the back of your thighs and push them up and open more, allowing more access. You squirm as strings of moans leave your lips, your hips bucking against her face.

The soft moans Sevika lets out, sending soft vibrations and increasing the pleasure she gives you. You feel her nails digging into your plush thighs, sure to leave indents.

“Sevika!” The way you moan her name just encourages her to double her efforts. Your legs and body twitch with pleasure. Hand tangled in her short hair, tugging and pulling. If Sevika didn’t know you, she would have assumed you wanted her to stop with how you were pulling. But you were just getting close. She could feel from how the lips of your cunt pulsed against her chin.

Your moans get louder and louder the closer you get to that peak. And she very quickly helped you reach it. Your brain going blank. “Fuck, I love you!” The words slip past your lips without a thought behind them. You were so lost in your haze of pleasure it wasn’t until you came down that you realized what was actually said. Your eyes fly open and you look down, staring at a wide eyed Sevika. “I…” What could you say? You just told her you loved her when your agreement was to be no strings attached.

Sevika huffs and gets up. You sit up fast and grab her arm. “Wait! I’m sorry. I didn’t-”

“I should have known.” She mutters

“No, I just was caught up in the moment.” You shake your head, scared she’d walk out, your grip tightening on her arm.

“Was that really it? Or have you been harboring these feelings for a while?” Her look is stern when she finally makes eye contact and you shrink a bit.

You tried to think before saying anything else stupid. “I don’t-”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t actually love me.” She gets in your face while you stare at the ground. You slowly lift your eyes, meeting hers. You couldn’t. “I thought so.” She says when she gets no answer. She pulls away and grabs her shirt.

“Don’t leave, please. We can talk.” You seemed so desperate and you hated it.

“There is nothing to talk about. You want a relationship and I cannot be in one. It's the end of this.” She pulls her shirt on, slipping her arms through.

“Sevika, please.” You get off the bed and rush in front of her. You place a hand on her arm. She grabs your wrist. Not enough to hurt you but enough to stop you and hold your hand away from her. You look at her with sad eyes. She closes her eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath before opening them again.

“No.” Her voice told you everything. She would not budge. This was it. Tears build at the corner of your eyes and she has to look away. She can’t stand to see it. She lets you go, pushing a little, causing you to stumble back enough for her to get around and out of the room. This leaves you standing alone as you listen to the front door open and then slam shut.

You break down as soon as the sound of the slamming door rings through your ears, falling to the floor. You messed up. Of course you did. Friends with benefits never work the way people think it does.

~~~

After that you threw yourself into work. Unfortunately you worked at The Last Drop. Sevika’s regular. But you didn’t see her there like normal. You felt a little sad about it. Never thought she’d give up The Last Drop. Maybe she was avoiding you.

You were closing up, wiping down the tables. You hear the door open and a set of feet walking in. “Sorry, we are closed.” You say before turning around. You are shocked to see Sevika standing there.

“You know, it can be dangerous for women to close alone.” She says, fiddling with her fingers nervously. It was a display you never saw from her.

“Don’t reduce me down to a damsel in distress.” You scoff as you walk to the bar, beer mugs in hand. You lower the mugs into hot soapy water and look back up at her. you grab a clean glass and pour her regular drink and set it on the bar for her as you go back to cleaning.

She walks over slowly, almost like she’s testing the waters of how close she can be to you. She reaches the bar and picks up the mug, sipping the liquids hesitantly.

“I didn’t poison it.” You joke as you wipe down the bar.

“I know…” She wasn’t her usual self. It was almost unsettling.

“Why are you here?” You place your hand on your hip. She takes a few moments to answer you, staring into her drink as she seems to think.

“I don’t know.” She finally mutters, sniffing before looking up at you.

“I thought you were done with me.” You can’t help but be snarky. It is what is keeping you from being miserable.

“I was done with the friends with benefits.” She replies. “You know I can’t do relationships. I can’t do love.” You roll your eyes. Your heart ached from her words knowing the way she feels versus how you feel clashed heavily.

“So what do we do from here?” You ask, focusing your attention on cleaning glasses.

“I don’t know.” Even Sevika felt lost. Her normal confident demeanor was gone. You keep your head down as you listen to her sigh. “Go back to before this?”

“Act like we don’t know each other?” You look up at her, anger crossing your face for a second.

“Maybe it’s best. That way you don’t stay in love with someone who can’t give you what you want and I don’t feel like I am stringing you along.” She shrugs and you feel a wave of different emotions. There is no way she's serious.

“Are you dumb?” You scoff. You cringe at your own words. They weren’t the nicest.

“No. It is best for both of us.” Sevika stands up, anger rising in her voice.

“For you. It’s best for you. You do not get to tell me what is best for me.” You snap as you place your hands on the bar, leaning forward.

“Move on, Y/n. Find someone who can give you what you actually want. Because it’s not me. And you aren’t going to guilt me into giving you what you want because you feel bad for yourself.” She crosses her arms as the conversation gets more heated. “And yeah, I feel bad too. But I am allowed to make this choice for myself. You have no clue what I actually have going on in my life.”

Your eyes soften a bit as you listen. Your face was a mix of pain, anger, and sympathy. She lets out a sigh as she closes her eyes. She felt awful for ever suggesting friends with benefits. She knew it was stupid but Y/n was there when she needed that relief the most.

“So that’s it then?” You ask, your voice cracking a bit as you speak.

“Yes. That is it.” She confirms.

“Right.” You mutter and shake your head. You grab her drink and dump it out, cleaning glasses. “We are closed. Please leave.” Your voice was cold and it shocked her. She looks at you with wide eyes.

“Y/n…”

“Do I know you?” You ask as if you didn’t know who she was. Going back to how it was before they knew each other. Sevika swallows down her emotions.

“No… No, you don’t.” She puts on her normal angry looking face as she turns to leave. You watch as she walks out the door. You let out a shuddering breath as the door shuts and let your body relax, head falling.

~~~

2 years later…

Plenty of time passed. You don’t think you’d ever completely be over Sevika. But it was enough to go day to day. You had attempted to be with other people but it was never the same. Everything reminded you of her. The mark she left on you was permanent.

She was still a regular at The Last Drop and you still worked there. But you both acted as if you had no idea who the other was. Barely even acknowledging each other.

It wasn’t until Sevika saw you with another customer one day. The way you leaned against the table. The way you smiled at this random woman. The way she looked at you. Oh it pissed Sevika off.

She knew she shouldn’t be. She was the one who told you she wanted to end things. But yet she still was.

“Yo, what's got you distracted?” One of the guys she was gambling with says, pulling her attention back.

“Huh?” She raises an eyebrow at him.

“It’s your turn.” He motions to the cards. She nods and takes her turn. She had lost which never happens. She was beyond irritated. It’s because of you and that random woman. And she took it upon herself to follow you out when you finish your shift.

“Y/n!” She calls as she catches up. You look up at her and sigh as you look back away in annoyance.

“Can I help you?” You as you keep walking.

“Yeah. What's up with you and that lady back there?” She asks and you look at her with a frustrated and confused face.

“What does it matter?”

“Well, you know… she might be dangerous…” Sevika internally cringes at the shit excuse.

“Fuck off.” You mutter and walk faster but she keeps up.

“Hey, hey, hey. Wait.” She grabs your arm. You shove her off with a glare.

“Have you forgotten you ended things, not me. You have no place to care what I do unless you have changed how you feel about a relationship.” You say angrily. Sevika goes quiet. She knows she hasn’t changed on that. She knows she is not stable enough in anyway to be in a relationship. Probably never will be. But she can’t control the jealousy that bubbles.

“Well…” She sighs and goes quiet.

“Don’t worry. I put my 2 weeks in at The Last Drop. You won’t have to see me anymore.” You say as you start walking again. That threw Sevika off. She follow you quickly.

“What? But where are you going?” She asks with wide eyes.

“I’m not telling you.” You scoff. “Leave it, Sevika. It's for the best, remember?” She stops as she looks at you with a frown. You give her a look before leaving her behind.

~~~

You had started your new job and loved it. It was a small business. You worked with a lot of mechanics. Fixing things. You grasped it quickly. You were fixing a clock when you hear the bell above the door.

“One moment!” You call out. You tighten a screw before getting up and turning around, eyes widening when you are face to face with the customer.

Sevika.

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[miange1]

I NEED MORE BRIAN MOSER AHHHH

Brian Moser, with a lover that's "too sweet"

male leaning reader, brian is a freak, being nervous more than shy, arguments, accidental guilt tripping, manipulation(at first), reader gives off innocence but they're not they're just a virgin, fake names, being overly touchy, blow jobs

note: had an idea so i just used this ask as an excuse to finally post it. also if you notice typos no you don't im not fixing them

— You were his first actual relationship in which didn't involve murder or trying to get closer to Dexter. Or so he remembers, he probably had that intention at first yet completely forgot about it due to his own feelings.

— Meeting you felt like a bunch of perfumes and flowers were thrown at his face— you were smiling and speaking with him like he was your long lost friend or your boyfriend, like you knew him since forever.

"Oh! Rudy!" He instantly felt his heart speed up, feeling more nervous than he's ever been in his entire life and you weren't even calling out his real name. He needs to calm down, seriously he's sweating way too much.

"I missed you so much, how have you been?" He felt your arms wrap around him tightly, yet ater the hug your hands took his and held them as if they were the most delicate things in the world, besides you.

The man could barely get his words out, stuttering every now and then and looking away from you often. Your thumb was swiping softly over the top of his knuckles, why were you looking at him like that.

— Getting with you was the most romantic thing he has ever thought of. Taking you out to a place where it was peaceful yet beautiful, and he could confess to you and actually mean it.

— It was the best place he could find, it was hot but lovely. When he confessed, you stayed quiet for far too long and he thought you didn't want him. You were just in so much shock, it's been a bit since someone was this genuine to you.

— Floating on air is what he felt like each time he was with you. When you were able to visit his work, you showed him with kisses each and every single time even after arguments which was something he would have a heavy weight on his shoulders about.

"Debra doesn't at all have a thing for me, what the hell are you talking about!" You were blinking back heavy tears trying to see his side as best as you could, yet everything just went a bit too far. From understanding to a plain bicker.

"It's obvious she does, and she's in your office more than I am!" He rolled his eyes, his fingers on his nose and pinching the bridge. He knew Debra had a thing for him, but what he didn't know was why he lied seeing you fight for him like this. He liked seeing you get jealous.

"Because it's her job." Yet you protested, "I understand that but.." you couldn't get the rest out, starting to cry and you instantly felt embarrassed. "Sorry— shit, I'm sorry.." His upset look rested, sighing as he went closer to you for an embrace.

"No, it's my fault." He admitted, his arms squeezing your frame in a comforting manner as you cried into his chest.

He was so turned on right now.

— Brian had a bunch in which you were a virgin, he just would have never guess he was actually right about it.

— All he wanted was a small make out for a bit, yet it had escalated and you were on your knees. God, you looked so pretty.

"Ah, ah, your teeth.. Good..that's it." He leaned his head back, the warmth of your mouth and tongue working at his girth. For your first time even giving head you were real good at following his directions. You did it just how he liked it. Tongue swirling, spit mixing with what leaked from him, it was heaven.

He jutted his hips forward a bit, catching you by surprise and giving you the urge to wanna pull back, which didn't happen due to Brian's fingers tangling in your hair— and pushing your head back forward. "Doing so well, fuck.." you practically weren't evenoving anymore, and if you were you had just been going ragdoll and moving along with Brian's pulls.

His dick twitched in your mouth as he heard a gargled moan, fuck he was gonna cum just from hearing that alone. Then he'd hear you whine, almost impatiently. "Hush you're fine, just keep on— God, yes.." eyes rolling back, feeling your nose poke at his pelvis the deeper he pushed you down when he came. Letting go of your hair, he let your head fall back a bit before he forced your mouth closed.

"Swallow."

— Sooner or later he would then wonder why you were a virgin in the first place, yet you did date people for long periods of time.

"I don't know, when I asked after break up they said they just couldn't."

— He got the hint for himself.

[navybrat817]

Hiiii Navy- how is our biker Bucky? I'm excited that his reader is a nurse because I am also a nurse...!

I'm glad you're excited, and I may have to get more of your insight as this goes on. And how he's doing...

Thinking About You

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Summary: Bucky's thinking about you after meeting you.

Word Count: Over 500

Warnings: Mix of fluff and dirty thoughts, love at first sight, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?).

A/N: I'll try to post more of this AU once more. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Edit by the beautiful @nixakimbo and divider by the incredible @firefly-graphics . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Bucky’s thinking about your beautiful eyes and smile, but how you’re much more than a pretty face and how you must really be some sort of angel. You were a nurse, after all. Nurses helped provide comfort, protection, and care to others. You helped people heal. And, fuck, do you look good in white.

He’s thinking about how you listened to him when he talked. You were actually interested in his writing and the bar. He hoped you’d stop by at some point. Maybe he could convince you to stay after closing so the two of you could have the place to yourself. He’d even share some of his writing with you.

He’s thinking about how your eyes will light up when he brings the club to the blood drive tomorrow. At least, he hopes they’ll light up and that you don’t be afraid. His brothers could come across as intimidating from a first glance, but they were all good guys and the drive was for a good cause. You also didn’t seem put off that he was a biker.

He’s thinking about what an idiot he is for not asking for your number, and how he should’ve gone after you when you left. If he had your number right now, he’d message you just to say hi. He wasn’t leaving the drive tomorrow without asking for it.

He’s thinking about what your past relationships were like. How did your exes treat you? He’ll treat you well. Why didn’t the relationships last? Did anyone break your trust? If someone hurt you he’ll take the pain away. If the pain is no longer there he’ll do his best to help you should it surface unexpectedly.

He’s thinking about how he wants to take care of you, how he wants to learn your love language, and earn your trust. He wants to be your friend and have you confide in him, to learn your fears so he can protect you from them, and to learn how to make you smile again when you’re feeling down or hurt.

He’s thinking about how he wants to confide in you, too. To be vulnerable and open. It isn’t easy to let people in, but you make it seem effortless for him. He wants you to see every side of himself, every shadow, and tell you every story about every scar and tattoo.

He’s thinking about you as he lays in bed, fisting his cock, imagining the sounds you’d make as you lay beneath him. Or on top of him. How you’ll melt on his tongue. How blissed out you’d look when you fall apart. He knows you’ll feel like heaven when he’s inside you if you ever let him get that far.

He’s thinking about you post orgasm when he catches his breath. It’s a little scary that he already wants you to be his girl, and he refuses to believe it’s just infatuation. It’s something deeper. And if you give him a chance, he’ll make sure you never regret it.

I guess we can consider this part of Ficlet Friday? Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

[venussaidso]

Notice how destiny swapping is based on opportunities or prizes instead of actual destiny. No one can take your name, your childhood, your ancestral roots, your psyche, your body, your self esteem, your outlook in life, your mental illness, your parents, your family, your talents, your skills away from you... Do yall know how delusional and entitled you sound? Carry on doing the work because you and your friends are on different paths still. You are your own unique person and work with that. It's never too late to start something new or do the thing you've always wanted to do. Destiny swapping is so stupid I'm sorry — your achievements are promised so long as you mind your fucking business and stay on your path. Idgaf about these superstitions, oh you can't tell anyone your dreams otherwise you'll ruin it type shit... also superstitious. A lot of big headed people have loudly affirmed their goals to everybody and either got them or didn't; if they didn't, it's not because your superstitions are true because if they were, it would be a consistent occurrence with actual evidence to back it up. These things are all in your head. You hold the power in building and rebuilding yourself up, no matter how many mistakes you make.

[dearlot]

NO ORDINARY GIRL | lottie matthews

— pairing: mermaid!lottie matthews x gn!reader

— summary: a collection of stories involving your relationships with the mermaid!yellowjackets, starting with how you meet lottie.

— wordcount: 2,260

The moment you finished unpacking your bags, you headed to your favorite place whenever you're here on holiday: the beachside. It's wonderful there, almost a vacation home in itself. Your parents always reprimanded you for neglecting to spend time with your grandparents since this was their home, but you couldn't care less. Maybe they shouldn't have chosen such a cool spot to vacation. And besides, you were on vacation! You should be spending time at the beach and not at home.

The room that you stay in is filled with seashells and rocks you've collected over the years.

Coming here is all you really look forward to when summer rolls around. You collect things in your hometown, but the nearest beach is miles away, and even though you're an avid collector, you're also lazy. Seashells are your favorite. You love touching them, and you love how each of them is unique to one another. They're never the same. Like snowflakes.

It's an odd day, mainly because there's barely anyone out on the beach with you. Usually, it's packed with tourists and townspeople alike. But today there's just you, the new ice cream man whose name you learned is Chris (the one you remember from your childhood died a few months back. Poor guy. He used to give you freebies on your birthday), the old lady who likes to feed the seagulls, and this weird girl whose head you can see peeking from behind a rock. You've been watching her for a few minutes and wondering if she's alright. She looks alright, I mean, what you can see of her, at least. You thought she was drowning at first because of how long she's been in the water, but she's not calling out for help or thrashing around. Then you realize how dumb you sound. Of course she would be in the water, you're at a beach! You shake your head and scoff in embarrassment, getting up from the bench and thinking you could find more shells by the water's edge. Which just happens to be near where the girl is.

Maybe she's a collector like you? You could do with a friend here you think. You could impress her with your vast collection of shells and rocks. Your lips twist into a smile as you walk closer to the grey boulder where the girl hides behind, thinking about how you're going to introduce yourself later. For now, you need those damn seashells. You've only scored a few of them so far and it's the worst collecting day ever. None are even spilling out of your pockets like they usually are.

When you pass the boulder, you're only able to see the girl's face, which is just as pretty as you thought it would be, and her fiddling around with seashells and other beach junk. She doesn't seem to notice you as she smiles to herself and places her things in a neat line that's color-coded. She's cute, you think. Now you have to work 10x harder to come up with an introduction.

You turn back hopefully, half expecting her to be looking right back at you. But you don't see that. All you see are the waves crashing against the rock and a half-hidden scaly purple tail where her feet should be. You stop in your tracks immediately, leaning forward ever so slightly to get a good look at what you think is your imagination playing tricks on you. Blinking furiously, you brush at your eyes just to make sure, but no, what you see is genuinely real. The girl's tail flaps happily as she hums to herself and messes with her beach junk.

"What the fuck?" you murmur to yourself, definitely a little too loudly.

The girl gasps, her tail slapping the water and nearly splashing you as she scoots herself back. She looks at you, frightened and in shock before she dashes away. She's a blurred streak of white and blue as you watch her swim back into the ocean. You try to call out for her, running into the shallow water to see if she's still out here but there's nothing. Did you just witness a real mermaid?! You're frozen in utter surprise, and you only get a hold of yourself and move back to shore when your feet start tingling from the cold. As you walk back, you notice that she left behind her things, and you bend down to look at them.

Holy shit... she had a pearl?! You've been looking for one of these for goddamn years. Do you take it? No, you'd feel bad. But maybe... You glance up sheepishly before slowly slipping it into your grasp and then into your pocket. You're sure she has plenty of pearls. The rest of the stuff is just beach junk minus some shells you already have, but you decide to take all of it back home. Maybe you could return tomorrow and catch her again?

Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

No one says anything about the amount of junk in your hands when you arrive home, and you plop it down by your bed before faceplanting into the pillows that smell like your grandma's perfume. It's not even 6 pm yet and you're tired. You feel like getting some rest... At least sleeping meant you'd be seeing that mermaid girl faster.

When you wake up, you feel something swirling around in your stomach. Something that feels like you're anxiously waiting on something but you can't remember what. The longer you lie in bed, drifting between sleep and consciousness, the feeling gets stronger. You decide to get up and rub your eyes and stretch, washing away the sleep from your body. The smell of breakfast downstairs fills your nostrils and you sit up, tossing your blanket off before planting your feet on the floor.

"Ow, shit!" Something sharp poked your foot. You look down to see the beach junk you brought home yesterday and realize why you felt that strange sensation in your stomach earlier. Okay, maybe you're a little excited to go to the beach today. You really hope the mermaid is there. You'll have to be extra careful if she is since you don't want to scare her off again.

After you scarf down your breakfast and take a shower, you stuff the mermaid's things into a mesh bag and scour through your grandparents' garage to find that old scuba diving gear you know they still have. You've thought it over: if she isn't there, you think you know where she hides out. There's this small island not far from the beach that's perfect for a mermaid to live. You've never been to it, but you've passed by it dozens of times while boating with your dad and grandpa. You hope you're right, but if not, a nice trip to a cave would be nice either way. There are probably more things to collect in there that you've never even thought of.

The trip to the beach feels like the longest walk of your life.

You keep dropping the equipment and some guy tried to buy it off you which took up entirely way too much time of your life.

But you made it. Finally. You walk around a bit to look for her but she's not behind the rock or anywhere in sight. Scuba diving it is. As you finish putting everything on, you feel a little discouraged by the small dot the island makes in the distance, thinking that you might've overestimated your swimming abilities. Whatever. You grab the bag with a small pout and flip-flop into the water, hoping all of this will be worth it.

Turns out this scuba diving stuff is pretty exhausting. You've had to rest your arms and legs by drifting in the water for a few minutes before resuming. And you've been jumpscared by this dolphin a few times. You nearly shit yourself when you saw it first, assuming it was a shark, but it didn't try to attack you or anything. You don't know why it keeps coming back to fuck with you, but it almost looks like it leaves to go tell a friend about it. Fucker.

When you reach the island, you decide to take a 15 minute break for your body's sake. There's a lot more walking ahead and you know you'll thank yourself later.

After you get up and start walking around, observing the trees and nature all around you, you suddenly spot it. The cave. There's no way she isn't in there. You march your way through cobwebs and branches just to reach it but once inside, you're glad for those cuts on your arms and face because goddamn is it beautiful. The water is a cerulean blue and shines brightly in the sun due to the open hole at the top of the cave. You feel a sense of calmness wash over you just from looking at it. The rocky walls of the cave seem almost alive just as you are as the reflection of the water cast shadows upon them. And speaking of the walls, they seem to have markings on them. You walk closer, squinting your eyes to make out what you think are the words S + J. Hm. Maybe this cave is a popular spot for couples?

The more you look around, the more the cave looks lived in. There is some beach junk similar to what you found the girl playing with yesterday placed neatly in a pile in front of a rock. It has a name carved on it.

"Lottie?" you whisper to yourself. Is that the mermaid's name?

"Don't touch it!" Someone hisses.

You let out a choked gasp and turn around, eyes darting all over the cave before you see her. She's in the water with only her eyes above surface level almost like she's hiding from you. They almost seem fully black because of how big and wide they are. You quickly get up and the girl flinches in response. You assume she's going to retreat so you speak up before she can swim away again.

"Wait, I brought you your stuff back." You hold out the bag for her to see and shake it like a human would shake a bag of dog treats to get their dog's attention. "You left it yesterday..."

Slowly, you inch forward and softly place the bag before her. You scoot back to give her some room and wait.

The mermaid eyes you curiously and with some skepticism, but swims forward to swipe the bag from the surface. You watch as she opens the zipper quickly and shuffles through the items with a smile on her face. She looks back up at you when you shift on your feet and pauses before frowning. "Where's the pearl?"

Shit.

You left it at home for yourself.

"Uh, there was no pearl when I found it." you lie, giving her your best confused look. "Must've washed away or something."

She frowns once more and places the bag back on the sandy surface. "Thank you. I like collecting this type of junk. The others say I'm weird for spending so much time by the shore, but I like studying humans."

The others? Studying humans?

"You're welcome. You're Lottie, right? That's your rock?" you nod towards her 'junk' rock.

She confirms with a nod and reveals more of her body as she swims up and places her elbows on the rocks. The bra? Scales? Covering her chest is a magnificent shade of different kinds of purple. Her tail that flutters gently in the water matches it.

"I didn't mean to scare you yesterday," you mention, sitting down in the sand and running your fingers through the grains. "You kinda scared me as well. I've never seen a mermaid before."

"I've never seen a human so up close either. I usually just observe from afar." Lottie replies and puts her chin under her palms. "Why'd you bring my stuff back?"

"Dunno." you shrug. "You collect stuff like me. Thought maybe you'd appreciate it or something..." You trail off at the end, looking down and blushing. "Plus, I thought you were pretty."

Her tail splashes against the water hard at your comment and she clears her throat, feeling embarrassed. "What do you collect?" She's curious, she'll admit it. She's not even supposed to be interacting with humans under any circumstances, but you intrigue her. You don't seem like a threat anyhow.

"Anything. Shells, rocks, fossils, random things I find off the street. I have a whole collection of receipts from when I go out to eat."

"Can you...show me your collection?" she murmurs shyly, removing her face from her palms and nervously tapping her nails against the rocks.

"Sure, but how? I don't think I can make it here again, no offense. It's a hell of a swim." you chuckle, smiling at how her eyes shine brightly after you agree.

"I can help with that. I can bring you back to the beach in seconds!" she exclaims, her voice high and excited. "Or you can piggyback on one of my dolphins."

You barely have time to process what she just said before she speaks again.

"Can you show me right now? Please?"

You feel like everything's happening all at once and don't know how to reply, so you simply nod.

Hey, maybe you can even bring her back the pearl you stole from her. She'd probably like you even more.

lottie taglist: @heliolottie

[who-can-touch-my-boob]

<- love and deepspace masterlist

Hey, so guys—I’m gonna write a whole ass theory/not-theory post about love and deepspace. Please give me your own thoughts and excuse my rambling it’s 2 am and I’m supposed to be asleep.

—

No but I actually need the LI to interact in game, I know (think or read somewhere) that the love and dating parts are separate timelines and in the “main” timeline MC doesn’t romanticise any of them(?). Anyway not my point, my point is that they all canonically exist in the same place and Caleb is probably the one tying everyone together.

I swear I believe it was Caleb that Rafayel talked to in the nest place where he lead MC so she could find the Onychinus. There was also a TikTok someone made (probably as a joke) of why Rafayel’s reaction to MC feeding him an apple threw him off.

Caleb is also Zayne’s childhood friend, but alright I’m gonna take a little spin off and ask;

When Zayne is reborn, does he remember everything immediately? Does he as a child bear memories of his previous lives as an adult? Or does the memories come to him with age?

Because IF the case is that Zayne already as a child knows of his past with MC and still has the powers of seeing the future, did he perhaps purposefully become friends with Caleb and MC?

Alright back to the main plot point of my post.

I dunno much about Xavier because I don’t have his full 5-star myth yet, but I do know he’s travelling through space and time (?) and that dude knows some shit. He’s most likely also being extra overprotective because of Caleb, like he’s maybe met an alternative version of him in the past?

Oh, but then there’s Sylus.

I’m just saying, Zayne, Rafayel and Xavier all helped MC find the Onychinus and if they truly thought she would be in life threatening danger they probably would’ve stopped her.

I don’t know how!!! But I’m just yapping so stay with me, ok? They all wanted her to find Sylus, because Sylus is the only one strong enough to protect her.

They probably know about the aether cores, that MC can use the dragon to their advantage. However they didn’t realise that MC and Sylus actually share half of each soul, that they are two kindred spirits.

Oh-ho! But Caleb knows, and Caleb haaaates it. Because he, the one who imprisoned Sylus to begin with, wants nothing more than to see the dragon back into the abyss. Because Caleb, the whole reason he’s in MC’s life is to get to Sylus.

Knowing she’s the key to the dragon, he decides to use her, manipulate her into thinking he’s nothing but a kind and loving friend. Sadly, Caleb didn’t anticipate that he too would be smitten by MC.

So everything just turns complicated now, because in the “main timeline” where MC doesn’t romanticise any of the LI, they’re all very much in love with her.

Gods and when they finally all meet… I’m envisioning like the Deepspace throwing every universe together, causing the past, future and present to mash up and fuck the whole reality… and something something Ever.

[blessedbucky]

we tried the world, good god, it wasn't for us! (part 5.2)

pairing: autistic!satoru x suguru x autistic!reader

word count: 10.4k (relatively mild if i do say so myself)

summary: "suguru won't hurt me."

tags: autistic!reader, autistic!satoru, canon-typical violence, the blood and gore associated with jjk, introducing the shitty and creepy zen'in clan, it's ANGST, like hurt/no comfort level here

beautiful people who asked to be tagged 💕: @ichikanu, @iceheartsice, @anders-is-being-a-simp-again, @lexlibrary

author note: PREMATURE DEATH ARC BABY, this is gonna fucking HURT. also i've got a cute lil' banner that i made that i'm trying to use to create a story masterpost but old lady is having issues formatting on shitty tumblr. stay tuned for new looks hopefully.

chapter links: 1, 2, 3, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, AO3

[YEAR THREE]

[PART TWO]

“You look tired, Senpai.”

The voice that breaks the silence of dawn is such a shock that the speed in which you snap your head up and to the side puts a crick in your neck. “Yu?” You subtly clutch at your neck, digging your fingers into the sore spot but feigning rubbing it as to not insult him because you expected Kento to be here, not him. “What has you up so early? You don’t train until a little later, don’t you?”

He blinks owlishly. “You really pay attention to the small things, it’s amazing.”

“Oh. Just like drawing and cursed spirits are my thing, I know martial arts are yours. You’re my friend and I try to remember the things they love.”

Yu perks up, grinning brightly. The morning light is still soft, but you could use your sunglasses right about now when it comes to Yu’s thousand-watt smile. “We’re friends, Senpai?”

“I’d like to think so. You let me use your given name.” You hesitate, suddenly struck by self-consciousness. “Am I wrong?”

“No! I mean, if you consider me a friend then I consider you one, too! I just didn’t want to assume. Who doesn’t dream of being friends with their cool upperclassmen?”

You chuckle softly. “Isn’t Suguru the cool one?”

“You’re cool, too!” You raise a skeptical brow. He rubs the back of his neck, sheepish. “Okay, Geto is cooler, but you’re the nicest! Don’t tell Ieiri, though, please!” You won’t betray your junior like that, but Shoko definitely would probably appreciate that assessment. “I’d love to be casual enough with everyone to be on given name basis.”

“You definitely could. Suguru, Satoru, and Shoko don’t care about that kind of thing. If they were easily offended, they wouldn’t stick around people as rude as Satoru and I are,” you explain with a little smile.

He drops down next to you on the bench, looking thoughtful. “Maybe when Nanamin and I graduate, I’ll feel comfortable enough to be that familiar with them.” He sighs too loudly to not be dramatic. “I was worried about taking over for Nanamin on this because I know they can look down on people with no sorcery in their family, but I don’t know why I was. I swear that your power works on humans, too. You’re so calming, y’know?”

It was meant to be a joke, you know, but there’s still a brief moment of pure panic. You haven’t been doing that, have you? It’s a question you ask yourself before quickly answering with a resolute no. Definitely not. Just trying to sense someone’s emotions, as unintentional as it was with Satoru, had you struggling. Controlling someone against their will had you on the verge of death with a brain bleed. You’re terrified by how fast your technique is evolving, yes, but it’s not there. Nowhere near there. You doubt it will ever be to the point where you’re passively influencing people.

“I just want to do my best to help,” you confess. Even if it feels like you’re not doing much of that these days.

“So do I!” Yu declares so enthusiastically and loudly that it echoes. He winces at his own volume and flushes. “Sorry,” he quickly apologizes, but you wave it off. You’re used to loud voices because of Satoru. “But y’know, you ignored me when I said that you look really tired.”

Well, you didn’t mean to, but you’re uncomfortable that he’s bringing it back up. “Don’t worry about me. I haven’t been sleeping the greatest, but I’ll be fine.”

“Hmm, are you sure about that?” Suddenly, he becomes uncharacteristically serious. “I know this is hard work. We see the worst of the world. You and me, we understand that our friends can get lost in all that darkness, so we try to stay bright for them. But we can’t do that if we don’t take care of ourselves.” He smiles, then. Softly and fondly. “My mom understood that when I said I wanted to enroll in school here. She wants to hear about my day, no matter how bad what I see is. She wants to help me carry the burden.”

“It’s hard to believe there are non-sorcerer parents who believe in cursed spirits,” you mumble more to yourself than him. “You have an amazing mother, Yu. I’m jealous.”

He preens, as he should. “My dad listens, too!” He blinks, laughs nervously, and then tries to humble himself quickly after. “It took them a while to accept it, though. But when both your children can see these invisible things, it becomes a little harder to deny. I think they still were kinda in denial until Sensei came and confirmed it all.”

“Still…the fact that they’re willing to hear the details…”

“My mom told me that she tells herself that it’s like I’m going to school to become a medical examiner. Eh, my dad was a real delinquent in high school before he got his act together. He was in a gang. It’s not as bad as what I see, but he can handle the nastier things that I can’t hold in anymore.”

As the manager pulls up to the curb, here to pick you both up for the trip to the Zen’in compound, Yu passes you one of the three onigiri he brought with him. He stands up, interrupting your incoming protest, and grins down at you. “Don’t worry! I know you forget to eat in the mornings a lot, so I made an extra! Just like I know you’re tired but won’t lean on my shoulder unless I say it’s okay!”

One day, you hope that you can meet Yu’s parents, only to tell them how great a job they did in raising a son.

As you’ve come to learn about these long-established clans, they meet you with open hostility. To them, you are not only an outsider, but an extension of headquarters’ will. Despite the fact that there is a Kamo and Zen’in on the council, they are bound by Tengen’s authority. Gakuganji confirmed, after reprimanding you on your manners with the Kamo, that Tengen was the one who wanted to test your abilities. At some point, when you’re done with the Zen’in, he’ll want to meet with you. It’s a terrifying prospect.

Anyway, the leader of the Zen’in clan is not the higher-up that you’d been speaking with. The man that briefly shows his face to you and Yu is graying, has an insanely weirdly styled mustache, and holds a gourd while stinking of alcohol. He passes out as soon as he sprawls out across from you two. Yu is the one to go try and find someone to talk to since the leader—Naobito, the manager told you—is snoring away.

Two people soon walk into the room, followed by Yu. You’ve never seen Yu have to force a smile before, but there’s a first time for everything. You’ve always been under the belief that Yu is an excellent judge of character, so when he finds it hard to like someone, your hackles are immediately raised. Then again, the horror stories that you’ve heard about this clan, you didn’t really need Yu’s opinion, anyway.

A middle-aged man briefly glances at Naobito with a disgusted curl of the lip before turning his terrifying gaze on you. The sclera of his eyes is pitch black. You refuse to even try to make eye contact. They’d probably appreciate that, anyway, since they think a woman’s place is beneath a man. The other person with him is someone that’s actually close to your age. His hair is dyed blonde at the top of his head while his roots are a dark, dark green.

“I am Zen’in Ogi, younger brother of Naobito,” the older man introduces with no small amount of loathing. “Naoya—”

The one that’s your age—Naoya—hasn’t stopped moving toward you. When he’s directly in front of you, he tilts his head to the side, scrutinizing you. “You should smile more.”

You tilt to the side, focusing on Ogi. “Thank you for hosting us.”

“Oi.” Naoya nudges you with his tabi. It takes everything in you not to lash out or flinch away. You know a bully when you see one and they revel in seeing that their antics are affecting their target. “I’m next in line for head of the clan, y’know. You should be talking to me about this stuff.”

“You’re not of age yet.” You are a child, you’re silently saying. This is an assumption, of course, but Satoru did mention there being someone in the Zen’in clan that bothers him at the annual Big Three meetup. It’s supposedly to keep the peace, but it’s just a way to show off the next generation’s strength, Satoru says. A pissing contest. “You’re more than welcome to sit and listen as I speak with Mister Ogi.”

“You don’t need to be such a bitch,” Naoya scolds haughtily. “Especially when I’ll be the one escorting you around.”

You haven’t looked away from Ogi. You watch his cheek twitch, as if he’s holding back from laughing. Clan dynamics are just so…odd. To enjoy the embarrassment of another simply because you’re not next in line. Maybe you should’ve simply smiled and played along because Ogi will probably stick Naoya with you to keep up the flustering of his nephew.

Trying to dodge a day with this spoiled brat, you politely inform Ogi, “I would be more than happy to wait if you’re both too busy.”

“Seeing as Naobito is…indisposed—” is that what they’re calling being blackout drunk? “We have nothing pressing anymore, so Naoya can see to you. It would do him good to revisit our cursed object collection seeing as it’ll be his to worry about when he’s clan head.” Ogi pulls something out of his yukata. A key. “Naoya, keep them away from the Disciplinary Pit. You’re responsible for their safety. We can’t have any incidents potentially impacting our seat at headquarters.”

Naoya scoffs unhappily.

It might be the only time that you’ll ever agree with this brat.

Zen’in Naoya is insistent on pestering you.

To your great misfortune, no one educated Naoya on the purpose of your visit. So, he uses that as an opening to throw question after question at you while peppering in his annoying commentary. As much as you care for Yu, if he asks to go to lunch after this, you might actually cry. You’ve been here a little over an hour and have a headache. You’re teetering on the verge of losing your temper and getting yourself in trouble.

“Why are a couple of students here, anyway?”

“To examine the seals of your cursed objects and strengthen them if they’re too weak.”

“What? Are you training to be one of those managers or whatever?” Naoya laughs obnoxiously. “Gross.”

“I’m a sorcerer,” you correct.

“One of the strongest at school!” Yu adds on your behalf.

Naoya, in front of you both as he leads you across the compound, glances over his shoulder to eye you skeptically. If their clan looks down so harshly on women, it wouldn’t be that far a stretch to assume that he doesn’t think your capable of strength. “What kind of technique do you have?”

“Pacification and control, to an extent,” you answer.

He raises a brow. “Like that Geto guy that got assigned Special Grade with Gojo?”

The mention of Satoru and Suguru makes you bristle, of course. It’s a protective instinct, you guess. “No. I can hide myself from cursed spirits. I keep them calm. If they’re weak enough, I can suggest things to them.” Before he can ask, you go ahead and answer what you expect his next question will be. “Headquarters considers me an expert on cursed spirits. They thought it would be beneficial for me to also learn about seals. I’m here on their orders.”

“Sounds like you’re a knockoff of that Geto kid, then.”

The jab has you gritting your teeth.

You have to admit, that’s a new insult. People have accused you of holding him back, being an annoying burr in his side that just won’t leave. No one has ever said that you’re a weaker version of him, though. You’re not sure why it’s slowly starting to get under your skin. Maybe it’s an insult to your usefulness—something that you’re already incredibly insecure about. And you hate that you’re genuinely thinking about this now.

“Are we almost there?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Naoya is, blessedly, silent for the rest of the trek. You reach the end of the dark staircase that you assumed was to take you underground. It’s a large stone chamber with tile flooring. As soon as you step fully into the room, a massive wave of cursed energy washes over you. Yu freezes, breath hitching, eyes widening. It’s not that intimidating, is it? There’s quite the number of spirits somewhere down here, yes, but they’re all Grade 2 or lower.

You’re honestly more irritated than anything by the sheer arrogance and stupidity of this clan. “You have cursed objects…near all these cursed spirits?” The chamber diverges. Ahead, there is a giant room that has ropes across the opening. Ropes, you note, that have weak seals attached to them.

Naoya waves you off. “They won’t break through that seal.”

“Having cursed objects so close only makes them more agitated,” you educate, though you know that he’s probably already aware of that fact. “The more agitated they are, the more they batter against that barrier and weaken it. Why do you even have spirits on your compound?”

He sticks a finger in his ear, as if your nagging is nothing but an itch in his ear. “Didn’t you hear my uncle? It’s a pit for training and discipline. We like agitating them, obviously. That makes the pit more effective.”

The Kamo and Gojo had their own collection of spirits. Most people from the clans aren’t like Satoru. Homeschooling in Japan isn’t allowed until high school, so there’s a special private school that’s in the know of jujutsu and works with the headquarters and the government. That school in Kyoto is where most children of the clans go until high school where they head back to their clans to be trained intensely.

Still, the spirits that the Kamo and Gojo had weren’t nearly as strong. Satoru said that the people in his clan go out in the field to find the strong spirits because they understand that there are vulnerable people on their compounds. How they feel about those vulnerable people might horrify you, but they aren’t actively putting the lives of everyone in their compounds in danger every single second like the Zen’in clan is.

What the hell is wrong with these people?

“I’ll be reinforcing those seals, too,” you force out through gritted teeth.

Naoya simply shrugs before heading in the opposite direction of the pit where there’s a hall. At the end of it is a massive door, a bunch of seals lining the door that’s locked with a basic chain and padlock. Is jujutsu society built on nothing but a crumbling infrastructure? Are they all so arrogant and complacent that they assume it’ll all be fine until it’s just not anymore? Then again, why wouldn’t they be when they have bodies to throw at their problems?

What are you even doing here anymore?

Increasingly more and more, you wonder what would’ve happened to you if you stayed behind in the village. Who knows how long you’d be under the thumb of your overprotective yet distant mother and bitter father. You’d fumble your way through some job in the town or a nearby one, too poor for college and probably getting talked out of it by your mother, anyway. Which would be a better life? It seems like both paths leads to you being a simple cog in a broken machine.

“Here, Senpai,” Yu whispers as he passes you the cage with the fly heads. “I think it might be better for me to wait outside.”

“No.” You glare at Naoya. “It’s safer to be in here.”

Naoya rolls his eyes. “Calm down. It’s not that big a deal. Besides, if you were a competent sorcerer, you could easily handle all those spirits by yourself.”

“Would you like to keep watch, then?”

He sniffs. “No thanks. I want to see what you can do.”

“I work better in silence.”

Naoya smiles beatifically. “I’ll be as quiet as a mouse.”

Seeing as this is his home, there’s nothing you can do about his presence. This is seriously throwing off the routine you’ve created with this assignment which only aggravates you further. But you move your focus to watching the fly heads, gauging their reactions as you walk amongst the shelves, holding the cage to each object. You’re even irritated with the fly heads, impatient at their slow reaction times when you already know which seals are weakest.

Naoya, shockingly, is relatively quiet. But, because he’s insistent on being a pest, he hangs over your shoulder. Yu is a good friend, knowing how you work, and stands back by the door. There aren’t many objects that require a fresh seal—less than the Kamo and Gojo which is as much credit as you’ll give this clan. If you had to guess as to why that is, they have more people in their clan so there are more people to assign this task. After all, this is a super traditional clan that believes in…sowing their oats as much as humanly possible.

The biggest task today will be that rope along the pit. If you’re honest, you want to be stubborn and ignore it. You don’t want to fuel this barbaric practice. If you don’t, though, the seal will continue to degrade. Your pettiness could cost many lives if these spirits ever escaped. You could leave it to the clan. Write a scathing review of what you saw. You doubt the higher-ups will do much about it, though. The Zen’in would probably call it an exercise and just let it break.

“Mind if I give you a piece of advice?” Naoya drawls as you’re scribbling some notes for your final report to hand in to the higher-ups. You ignore him because he’ll give you his advice whether you want it or not. Some people just love the sound of their own voice. “If you want a man, you need to smile more.” You pointedly deepen your frown. Yu hides his laugh behind a cough. Naoya flushes in chagrin. “What’s your problem with me, huh? I’m trying to give you advice.”

“Marriage is not a priority for me. I’m too young for that.”

“Oh, c’mon. Marriage is the only thing normal girls are thinking about for all their lives.”

“Yes, because sorcerers are such normal people.” You can’t help the sarcasm now. Your patience has finally been pushed to the limit. “So, again, that is not a priority for me right now or in the foreseeable future.”

He hums. “Maybe you should think harder about it. You never know when an offer for marriage might come your way. You’re sort of plain, sure, and you definitely have no pedigree. Still, you have a decent ability. Like I said, Geto Suguru knockoff. Our clan is always looking for fresh talent to be passed along to the next generation when it comes to women.”

The thought of marrying into this clan makes you gag. You do it right in front of Naoya’s face, unable to control yourself, and he sputters in outrage. Yu immediately leaps into action, putting himself between you and Naoya.

With his back to you, he faces Naoya with squared shoulders and a voice that’s low and dangerous. “Stop criticizing my senpai.”

Naoya’s feet spread slightly, as if preparing to take a battle stance. “Oh? What are you gonna do about it, peasant?” Peasant? A lame insult. Are you in the Heian era or what? “You look like you’ve got nothing going on in that head of yours, so let me lay it out for you and your senpai in simple terms. It’s the highest honor to even be a consideration in the running of the next Zen’in clan head’s wife.”

Him? Naoya was suggesting a proposal from him? Oh, you feel nauseous. You feel so disturbed that the fly heads fluttering around in the cage come to a dead stop and watch you intently, having been unintentionally put under your influence. Right. So, you should calm down. Seems like an enormous task at the moment. Just a little longer, you desperately remind yourself. You’ll say your piece to Naoya and move on.

You gently nudge Yu out of the way so that Naoya can see the radiance and superiority in your smile. Suguru would be proud if he saw it. “I was under the impression that the jujutsu world prized strength above all else. Was that wrong?” You tilt your head, mocking in your curiosity. “There would be more honor in being Gojo Satoru’s whore than there would ever be in becoming the wife of a Zen’in.”

It has the desired effect. You imagine that heads and heirs of the Kamo and Zen’in clans have quite the complex when it comes to Satoru who, for all intents and purposes, carries the Gojo clan on his back. One could argue the entire jujutsu world, but that’s a conversation for another time.

Naoya, with his face red and twisted into an ugly snarl and ears practically blowing steam, is interrupted before he can start throwing a temper tantrum.

A scream.

No, two of them.

Both you and Yu are on the move immediately, leaving behind Naoya’s shouted, “Oi!”

There are children down here. Two little girls from the sound of it. You can hear them begging for their father. Even worse, they must be non-sorcerer children because you only feel the muted presence of all those cursed spirits in the pit, Yu, Naoya, and someone else. It’s that man, Ogi. Thank goodness that someone has a heart or some sense, at least. He must be coming to get the children that ran down here. You’ll still rush to help, of course. You can calm the spirits down—

As you break away from the hallway, the horror of what you see sends you to a screeching halt. Yu gasps, visibly shaken and outraged at the same time. Because, ahead of you, is Ogi, yes. But he is not helping the two little girls who slipped down here, no, no. He has each one tucked under his arm, overpowering the twin girls’ frantic struggles to get away from the fucking pit with cursed spirits. They’re screaming and begging for their father…to stop from doing what he’s about to do.

“Stop!” Yu screeches, angrier than you have ever seen him before. Then, ruder than you’ve ever heard him be, he goes on to ask, “What the hell do you think you’re doing, you senile geezer?!”

Ogi doesn’t hesitate. Not even a bit. As soon as he’s at the top of the staircase that leads down to the pit, he roughly tosses both the twins down it, right into the belly of the beast. You move, as deadly serious at the older man, dead set on getting those little girls out of there. Ogi turns to face you, hand reaching for the handle of his katana.

“Stand down,” he barks. “These are my children, and I’ll punish them as I see fit.” He actually takes a stance. Prepared to cut you and Yu down to continue this cruel abuse disguised as parenting. “Strangers will not be allowed to interfere in clan business. The higher-ups won’t protect you.”

You think when you heard my children, that’s when you snapped. It’s a moment of immense pressure in your skull, of ringing in your ears, of blood slipping down from your nose across the cupid’s bow of your top lip. Maybe the reason that you don’t pass out immediately is because it’s only to make Ogi misstep when he swings his katana at you. It smacks against the tile, the sound reverberating, and you sidestep him to rush into the pit.

It’s too late.

Or maybe you spent too much mental energy on making Ogi stop that you don’t have enough time to reattune your focus to quell the cursed spirits in the pit. The weaker spirits hesitate, but there’s one—Grade 2, bordering on Grade 1. It raises an arm, claws poised to slash. Only one of the girls reacts, throwing herself in front of her sister that’s looking around wildly because she must not be able to see the spirits that her sister has barely enough cursed energy to do.

Again, it’s too late to stop the blow, but you make it in time to be the one to take it. You leap at the girls, blanketing their small bodies with yours just as the claws come down. It burns. It burns. And the only reason that you’re conscious, that you’re alive is because Yu was right behind you and managed to knock the spirit off balance enough to weaken the blow.

Your body, uncaring of limits when it’s now on the brink of death, finds the energy to send a surge of cursed energy throughout the room. Every single spirit, even the one with blood dripping from its claws, is lulled to stillness by your pacification. Kill yourself, your body screams.

“Cover…” Your nails scrape against the tile before you clench your fists. “Cover…your…your ears,” you shakily demand of the girl that can see the cursed spirits.

Children shouldn’t have to hear the gore that’s about to ensue.

Slowly, you float back to consciousness while wondering when you even passed out.

You’re kind of surprised that you’re even awake right now. Because you’re sprawled out on your belly on a futon, naked down to your waist but not all that exposed since bandages are wrapped all around your upper torso. Your stomach and breasts are sore, an indication that you’ve been in this position for a long time now. Still, as uncaring about your comfort as they were, the Zen’in didn’t let you die.

Ha. So much for that old man’s warning that you wouldn’t be protected.

Then again, maybe the Zen’in don’t want to deal with the rage of Gojo Satoru.

Speaking of rage…

“Suguru,” you hoarsely call out to the dark presence that you sense looming in the corner of the room. Just a tilt to the side has pain racing across your body, so you can’t turn to see where he’s at, but you feel him. His cursed energy is burning. “Stop with that. You’ll scare everyone.”

“It’s the least they deserve,” Suguru spits.

With how furious he feels and sounds, you expect him to stay where he is. Brooding. But he doesn’t. You hear the shift of fabric before the soft padding of his feet against the tatami. He does look the picture of rage with his eyes, burning bright. His jaw is clenched, along with his fists that he puts on his thighs when he kneels down next to you. If someone other than you were here, it might be intimidating.

It is you, though, and it’s all undermined with Tamamo-no-Mae floating behind him. Her cursed energy is familiar, almost like a comfort now. He’s had her since that field trip to Osorezan. When one of her fox tails flops down from underneath her jūnihitoe, she strokes your cheek with it, and you giggle. And, like always, fox hair gets in your mouth.

“Put her away. Her toes gross me out,” you breathe out, trying to bring some levity to the situation before you start trying to spit out the fox hair without moving your hand. You think it’ll hurt too much to move your arms. “I can’t believe you pulled out a Special Grade for the Zen’in.”

“I don’t trust them.” Finally, his expression softens when his gaze drops down to you. He reaches down to put his hand on the side of your face. “How are you?”

“Hurts,” you admit.

“I know,” he croons sympathetically as he strokes your cheek. “Of all the times for Shoko to be away,” he sighs. “She won’t be here until the day after tomorrow. Satoru threatened to end the mission early, but Shoko talked him out of it. She spoke with the Zen’in that treated you. If you had a brain bleed, you’d already be dead. I sent her some photos of your back, too. You’ll be okay to wait. There’s just going to be scarring.”

“As if I care about that,” you mumble tiredly as your eyes slip close. “Can we go home?”

“Of course.” Suguru hunches over to press a kiss against your forehead. You don’t have it in you to be shy. “I’ll try not to have the spirit move you too much, but I’m sorry in advanced if it hurts you.”

“‘s okay. Sorry for the trouble.”

“Rest now.”

Somehow, you manage not to cry from the pain, but it’s a definite struggle. The worst part is when you arrive at the barrier around campus and Suguru has to carry you in his arms from there. Thankfully, the barrier is right at the top of the staircase, so you’re not jostled as much on the back of a manta ray as you would’ve been if Suguru carried you all the way up them. By the time he makes it to your room, though, your stitches have re-opened.

“You’re going to take a shower with me?” Now you have a little more mental energy to feel flustered.

Suguru is kneeled down in front of you, having carried you to the locker room where he’s now slipping your shoes off. “I know you. The blood dried on your back is bothering you, isn’t it? You’re not going to be able to sleep with it on your skin.” You look away, trying not to pout because he’s totally right and you kind of hate it. Above all else, it makes you feel special, but you also hate it. “We’ve had sex before,” he reminds you. “If you’re really uncomfortable with it then we can wait for Shoko.”

“No, I don’t want to wait for her.” Your cheeks puff out, so, yeah, you’re definitely pouting now. “I…us showering together…it doesn’t bother me that much. It’s just…I hate putting you out. You…you don’t have to dote on me like…this…” You motion to where his hands are curled around the waistband of your leggings. Despite your protest, you still lift your hips up to let him slide your leggings off. “I bet you didn’t do this with Satoru.”

“I did take care of him as much as he’d let me, actually.” Oh. “And I washed his back, too.” Suguru chuckles softly. “In all our years together, has it ever crossed your mind that I like taking care of you?”

No, honestly. That thought has never crossed your mind. “Help me undress,” you mumble embarrassedly. “Jeez, you didn’t need to lay it on so thick. I get it, I get it.”

“It’s cute when you get all shy,” he teases. “You act exactly like Satoru did.”

“Guess you have a type then,” you grouse.

He laughs at that. An actual laugh. And his face is soft, welcoming. “I guess I do, don’t I?”

Suguru had the hindsight to put you in his blazer before you left the Zen’in compound. It’s easy to take off without aggravating your stitches further. But there’s no stopping the sting of the water hitting the slashes across your back. Suguru rubs your shoulder soothingly as you try to force your body to relax. Everything is sore. The antiseptic meant to numb the area that the Zen’in medic was magnanimous enough to give you has faded. You duck your head, focusing on the water at your feet that slowly bleeds to pink to try and forget the pain.

Gently, Suguru starts to wash your back, exactly like he said he would. There’s no getting around the fact that the cloth will brush against your tender stitches. You grit your teeth in preparation and clutch at his hand still on your shoulder. As he gets to work, he starts up a conversation because he understands that keeping your mind off things will help.

“Will you tell me what happened?”

“Yu didn’t say?”

“No. Sensei pulled him in to talk with Gakuganji and some of the Zen’in. I think they went back to school ahead of us. The clans can pretend they’re better than the rest of us, but they still answer to headquarters. So, there might be some trouble for the Zen’in since you were technically there on orders.”

“Good.” He hums in question at your scathing remark. “They have a pit, you know. It’s filled with cursed spirits. The one that hurt me was nearly a Grade 1. They call it the Disciplinary Pit. I knew they were traditional but that…that’s barbaric.” The other hand that isn’t clutching Suguru is balled into a fist at your side. “And what was that old bastard going to do? He was going to throw children in there. They couldn’t have been more than…I don’t know. Six? And…and they were non-sorcerers!”

Suguru’s hand stops suddenly. The one gripping your shoulder goes unbearably tight. Against your back, you feel the other curl into a ball. “Non-sorcerers did this to you?”

Your brows furrow. Putting the pain aside, you look over your shoulder, utterly confused about where he got that idea from. “Did you space out just now or…?” Why does he look almost as angry as he did in the Zen’in compound? “Are you okay?” Why do you feel so…uneasy right now? “I said that old man—”

“Were those his children?”

“Yes? I don’t know what that has to do with anything, though. Did you not hear me when I said the pit was full of cursed spirits?”

“I heard, but…” He takes a deep breath, exhales, in that way he does when he’s trying to quell his temper. “Are you sure you didn’t overreact? I doubt he would’ve let them get hurt. You’re making it sound like he was just disciplining his children—”

“Overreacting,” you repeat blankly.

He sighs your name, irritated again. “Stop it. I can already tell you’re taking it the wrong way. We know how you are—”

Slowly, you force Suguru’s hand away from your shoulder, continuing to stare at him like he’s grown another head. He may as well have. You turn around, hoping that he’ll backtrack in the time it takes you to face him, but he seems to mentally double down because he squares his jaw when your eyes meet his. There’s…an energy festering around him. You don’t like it. It’s so angry.

But you are as equally angry, so you don’t try to appease him. You don’t try to calm things down. Instead, you lash out, seeking to antagonize. “Am I speaking a different language right now?”

Suguru picks up on your hostility, his own hackles raising once again. “You acted rashly. You almost died…and for what? Did you even ask what they did?”

This conversation has been slipping under your skin, touching a nerve that makes it hard to ignore. You don’t understand why until you unthinkingly snap, “Should I have asked your parents what you did before I went to the teachers about your bruises?”

He barks out a laugh. Dark. Nasty. Bitter. “Maybe you should have. Maybe then my arm wouldn’t have gotten broken because of you.”

The words are worse than a gut punch. Worse than how it felt when that curse’s claws sunk into your skin. You knew. In the back of your mind, logically, you knew that the social worker was called because of you and the broken arm he showed up at school with was because of you, too. But…the hurt of him saying that is so visceral.

Still, you must not look hurt enough because Suguru keeps going. “Are you ever going to stop and think before trying to help someone? Haven’t you hurt enough people?”

Dread, ice cold, rushes through your veins, dousing the fire of anger. You’re panicked by the things welling up inside the center of your chest. You blurt, “Leave.”

Suguru shakes his head. He sighs, the edge leaving his features. How dare he look so sympathetic. Like…like he pities you for not having figured this truth out sooner. Just more salt rubbed on this wound he dealt. For a moment, you’re reminded of your mother and the pity she has for her simple daughter. This is not your Suguru. Not anymore. You don’t know who this is and that scares you.

He reaches out a hand, whispering your name, but you flinch away.

“Leave!”  

The order is screeched so loud that your voice cracks. It’s a volume that you didn’t think yourself capable of, let alone Suguru having heard out of you before. The noise startles him, and he jerks away. The two of you stare at each other, confused about the strangers you’ve become. You’re both shaken.

Suguru tries again, blinking the confusion away as he repeats your name and reaches out.

Trying to hide away from him, you try to cover yourself while backing away. You latch onto that demand because it’s all you can do. “Leave!” You don’t want him to see you collapse in on yourself. He won’t bring you peace. He’ll only make it worse. You scream again, “Leave!”

Scream and scream and scream…

Until, finally, looking like a wounded animal, he leaves.

It takes a long, long time for you to leave the shower room.

As unsanitary as it is, you’d sat down, butt ass naked, in the middle of the showers, sobbing and trying to calm yourself down. If you could, you’d have curled up right there and gone to sleep, but you gain enough comprehension back to know that would be a stupid idea as your emotions subside.

Still sensitive, still raw, you walk out to the locker room and see your clothes on the bench. The clothes that Suguru picked out for you. Along with the fresh bandages that he was planning to help you with. You’ll have to do that yourself now. Somehow. It pisses you off. Even when you throw the clothes to the floor in anger, you realize that you’re more upset at yourself than him. It isn’t his fault that you’re so helpless.

Halfway to your room, in nothing but your towel, you sense Yu’s cursed energy growing closer. You only have enough time to finish waddling to your room, slam the door behind you, and put on panties and shorts before he’s knocking on your door. The sound has you gritting your teeth in annoyance.

“Senpai,” he calls out through the door. His voice is alarmed. “Senpai, there’s blood on the floor!”

Damn it. “I just pulled at the stitches. It’s okay. I’ll handle it.”

“But…aren’t those stitches on your back? Can you reach them?”

“I’ll manage,” you snarl loudly.

On the other side of the door, there’s a pause. Your anger is getting misplaced. If you don’t calm down, you might lose a friend today. Maybe more than one. Who the fuck knows where you and Suguru stand right now. Fuck, you want to dig your teeth into something and tear. You should not be around another person anymore today.

“Okay! I’m coming in, so please cover up!” Yu warns. The doorknob rattles once before he realizes, “Um. Right. You might not be decent and probably need time to get dressed. Let me know when you’re ready. I won’t leave until you do!”

Oh, well, it seems that his stubbornness has knocked your temper loose. Or you accept that you’re too exhausted to wait him out, so there’s also no use in staying mad. Taking a deep breath, you ready yourself. You grab the chair from your desk, spin it around the opposite way, and sit with your chest against the backrest. You keep your damp towel pressed tight to your chest.

“Go ahead,” you call out to him tiredly.

“Thank you!”

“Why are you thanking me?” You tilt your head forward, knocking it against the edge of the chair. “Sorry for making you clean up my mess.” From the position of your head, you can see the splotches of red on your towel. “Literally,” you add under your breath because you know Yu’s going to offer to clean up all the blood.

Yu shuffles forward. Hearing the clutter coming from the direction of your desk means he’s gathering up the first-aid kit. “How many times have you patched me and Nanamin up? Isn’t it time for me to return the favor?”

“I’m the senpai here.”

“What did we talk about this morning?”

Right. Take care of yourself. Lean on others. Yu doesn’t understand that if you lean too much on someone else, you quickly become a burden. No. You can’t let your mind go there right now. “Didn’t you take care of me enough when you saved my life today?”

“Eh? What are you talking about? I distracted it long enough for you to finish them off. All of them. That geezer’s reaction when they all killed themselves was funny, now that I know you’re safe and can think about it.” You both share a laugh at that asshole, Ogi’s, expense. “They’re sending you on a mission with us,” he admits after a minute of silence.

“Punishment for overstepping?”

Yu doesn’t say it is, but it is. You know how these things go. “Purely research!” Yu tries to soften the blow. “We’ll make sure you don’t lift a finger! You won’t even have to think that hard! We can make it a vacation.” Yeah, right. You’re pretty sure if an auxiliary manager saw you having fun with Yu and Kento, you’d be sent away again on another mission for the penalty of simply enjoying life. “And if you don’t feel like shopping for souvenirs, I’ll do it for you. We won’t tell anyone.”

“Sure, Yu. That sounds good.”

Yu’s voice is so unbearably soft when he whispers, “You need rest, too, Senpai.” His kindness brings tears to your eyes. You’re glad that your head is down so that you can’t embarrass yourself any further today. “I’ll make sure you get some. Just leave it to me, okay?”

“Okay.” Emotion clogs up your throat, but you manage a weak, “Thank you.”

***

[06:55] You didn’t see me before you left.

[06:56] You saw Satoru. Not me.

[06:58] Never mind. I get why.

[07:32] I went too far. I was cruel. I don’t blame you for that. Never have. You were the only person that tried to help me. I’ll never forget that. I’ll always be grateful. What I said was me looking for things to say to hurt you. I almost lost you and didn’t know how to deal with that. It didn’t seem like you cared about your own life. I lashed out.

[09:13] I’m sorry. I’ve been under a lot of stress. I can’t eat or sleep. It’s no excuse. I’m sorry. I’ll say it as much as you need me to. I can’t lose you. I can’t. You’re all I have left.

[11:29] Squid. Please. Say something. Anything. I’m sorry.

[13:10] I know you’re angry. But I’m worried. No one has heard from you. Haibara won’t answer. Neither will Nanami.

[13:11] Just a simple reply. A frowny face. Anything at all. Let me know you’re seeing this.

[14:04] Squid?

[14:05[ Please.

[16:43] Are you safe?

[16:44] Is what I’m hearing true?

[16:45] Be safe. Please. Be safe.

[16:46] I’m on the way.

***

It’s a disgustingly humid September night, technically, but right now, you’re cold.

And all you wanted was to be like them.

Foolishly, you told yourself that if they could take a mission three weeks after they faced death, why couldn’t you? It’s not like you almost died. The two weeks that Sensei pushed for you to have off were generous enough. Besides, you understand it now, how much of a hindrance you actually were when you fought to keep them out of the field.

You need this.

You can’t stand to be alone with your mind.

But you weren’t ready. Just the sight of the small, dilapidated shrine has blood splattering across your memories. You break out into a cold sweat. There’s a war inside your mind. This isn’t like two weeks ago—that’s what you try to remind yourself. Push through it. A shrine doesn’t automatically equal an ubusunagami spirit. Where is Suguru? You’re sick to your stomach. Why did you split up? Have you learned nothing? Are you going to be too late to save a life again?

Stop, you plead to your body. You clench your trembling fists. You have to do this. The world has to spin on. It doesn’t care about a stupid girl who made the wrong call and killed a boy. This work is both your punishment and atonement. You’ll let them keep tugging at the leash around your neck until it’s a noose because that’s what you deserve.

The oppressive weight of the Grade 1’s cursed energy that’s been haunting these woods shifts. With nothing but the moon and some flashlights, it’s easy to follow after the explosion of blue light. You’re dazed over the fact that you missed everything that happened. Was there even a fluctuation? A fight? Is Suguru just that strong that he can absorb a Grade 1 in the dead of night like it’s nothing?

As you break into the clearing where he is, you ask, “You took care of it?” Like the answer isn’t obviously sliding down his throat, glowing eerily through the delicate skin of his neck. “Why didn’t you come find me? I wasn’t far.”

Suguru glances away after it’s swallowed. Not even a wince anymore. “It’s fine.”

This irritates you. Another little thing tonight that he’s done. Reminding you incessantly that you could stay behind with the auxiliary manager, trying to force food down your throat when you’re clearly not hungry, touching the small of your back to guide you, hovering. Now, he does this.

The only reason that you keep your mouth shut is because you know he cares. He’s a good person, like everyone else. They don’t blame you and treat you like glass, like you’re a victim. You pinch the bridge of your nose, trying to breathe. You tell yourself it’s the humidity making your chest tight.

With the other hand, you wave your sketchbook. “Are you serious? It was Grade 1. I’m supposed to record that.”

“I’ll let you sketch it later.”

“It’s pointless now,” you mutter. “Don’t even bother.”

Suguru scoffs. “Okay. You’re welcome, by the way.”

“Recording them doesn’t only mean drawing pretty pictures. I’m supposed to observe their behavior.”

“You can.”

“You know it isn’t the same when they’re under your control.”

Suguru reaches up to press a thumb to his forehead, meaning he’s getting irritated with you. You resist the urge to do the same, instead tapping your foot impatiently. “It’s your first mission back,” he tries to reason. “I’m sure they’ll be understanding. But if they try to hold imperfect notes against you, I’ll take the blame.”

“I don’t want them to take it easy on me!”

He shakes his head, dismissive. “You shouldn’t have come.”

“I’m not broken.”

“Everything about this goddamn system is broken!” Suguru shouts, making you reel back. The two of you watch each other warily. He shakes his head again, squeezes his eyes shut, takes deep breaths. “Let’s…just go. We’ll deal with this later,” he mutters irritably. “Let’s meet with the contact in the village and use their phone to call the manager.”

“Fine.”

Three wide brown eyes stare at you in terror.

There should be four, but one is swollen shut.

That face is too tiny to be so battered.

Suguru speaks where you cannot. “What is this?”

A man and woman were at the door, frantic and desperate to know where you and Suguru had been. Before you’d even had the chance to explain that their problem was taken care of, they practically shoved you and Suguru toward a shed. It was hard to make out what they were trying to say throughout their panicked and angry babbling. You think there was something about some murderers.

From behind you, your contact in the village answers, “What, you ask? These two are responsible for the latest incidents, right?”

Suguru is back to pressing a thumb to his forehead. Emotions are rising. Yours definitely are. Anger is putting a tremble in your hands again and your head is throbbing. You’re trying to find your voice past the lump in your throat. What the fuck is this? Does no one fucking visit these places before sending a sorcerer out?! A sorcerer wasn’t the only person needed here! A goddamn police officer was!

“No, they’re not,” Suguru answers more calmly than you can.

The man insists, “These two are crazy! They used their mysterious powers to attack the villagers!”

Something about the girls shifting, huddling closer to each other, finally snaps you into action. Full of rage, you shove past the woman to grab the set of keys that you saw near the door. “If you psychos even gave us the chance to talk, you’d know that we got rid of the problem already!”

The couple starts to sputter in outrage, seeing your clear plan to release these girls. Suguru remains unmoving, big body enough of a deterrent to keep the non-sorcerers from lashing out. So, the woman claws at your wrist. “My granddaughter was nearly killed by these two!”

One of the little girls, the one with dirty blonde hair, tries to protest, “That’s because she—”

“Shut up, you monsters!” Out of the corner of your eye, the shadows shift unnaturally. In the flickering of the flame, it’s not too noticeable. Suguru’s shadow raises a hand, pointing, and from the end of that finger comes a little spirit. “Your parents were just as bad,” the woman continues to rave. “I knew we should have killed you when you two were babies!”

It’s okay, Suguru commands the little spirit to whisper. He’s trying to reassure the little girls, to let them know that you’re all one in the same, that they’ll be safe with you. Adrenaline is rushing through your veins. There is a primal instinct to get these girls out of this place. You are all in danger here.

Blocking the entrance of the cell with your body, with every fiber of your being, you swear to the couple, “If you ever try to hurt these children again, I will kill you.” If Suguru will be gentle, then you will flash your teeth. It’s enough to send the man and woman stumbling back. “We’re leaving. If you try to stop us, I will kill you. Do you understand?”

No response. They just book it.

As soon as they’re out the door, you’re a flurry of movement. You tear off your hoodie and snatch Suguru’s blazer from where it’d slipped out of his grasp from the shock. You collapse to your knees in front of the girls, resisting the urge to touch them and check for injuries before you introduce yourself.

“We’re like you,” you explain as gently as you can when you feel so frantic. “We see them. We see you. I’m going to protect you with my life, okay? Are you cold?” They nod fervently. “Put these on. Let me help. Can you walk?” Throughout the process of wrapping them up in something warm, they manage weak affirmations. “Good. Okay. I know the things you’ve been seeing are scary, but Suguru can control them. If you see any of them, don’t be afraid. You never have to be afraid when he’s around.” You look over your shoulder briefly, hoping that directly speaking to him will pull him out of the trance. “Right? Suguru?”

Suguru stares at you blankly, unseeing. Inside him, though, his cursed energy is a frenzy. So big, so uncontrollable that it bleeds out. It’s sharp, like needles pinning down the wings of an insect. You are aggressively thrown back to that day where Satoru rose from the dead, godlike in his power, and how small it made you feel. Prey under the heavy gaze of a predator.

“Suguru is going to protect us all,” you tell yourself and them. High emotions have you sensitive to the cursed energies of others, so that’s why you can feel him so viscerally. It’s scary. You’ve never felt rage like this before—from you or him. It’s the same for you, but you can’t sit here and stew in this. These girls come first now. “Take my hands,” you instruct them as you hold your hands out. “Don’t let go.”

The makeshift prison is, thankfully, on the edge of the village. It wouldn’t be good to parade through the streets. Locking these children up was a collective decision. The faster you can get the fuck out, the better. If you can make it through the woods, to the main road, you can get a signal there, you think. No. No, you’ll just ride the manta ray. You’ll explain everything as soon as you get to Sensei.

“You’re safe now. You don’t have to be scared anymore.” You didn’t realize you were rambling, unconsciously trying to distract them from their fear with your chatter. “There’s a school. Full of people just like us. You’ll get to meet them. There’s my best friend, Shoko. She’ll make you feel better. Her power is to heal. Better than any regular doctor. And there’s our best friend. His name is Satoru. He’s super strong. Just like Suguru. He loves Digimon. He’s got lots of plushies to share with you.”

All these emotions have you feel like you could crawl out of your skin. And Suguru still hasn’t said anything. He’s mechanical in his movements, staying at the back of your little group. As you guide the group, you can pinpoint the opening of rifts, sense the cursed spirits that crawl out. Good. Yes. More protection. Who knows how those monsters are acting right now. They could be rallying the village.

“We’re going to make sure you’re taken care of. You’ll never be in a place like that ever again. I swear, you’re going to be in a place that’s full of love and understanding. Not everyone is like those terrible, terrible people—”

The more protective of the two is the blonde, based solely off that she went with you first. Voice shaking, but trying so hard to be brave, she asks, “They’re not?”

“They are.”

There’s this…snap. So brutal a turn that it hits you like whiplash.

Around you, there is such a sudden stillness that it feels like the very world has its breath held. There’s no veil. But nature senses a storm on the horizon. The eeriness of it is like ice slithering down your spine. You’ve unknowingly come to a stop, slowly turning around to face Suguru. Over his shoulder, a wider rift is opening, and as you stare into the inky darkness, many glowing eyes stare back.

The ground shakes when the Grade 1 clumbers out of the rift. It has to be the one from earlier. The foliage and trees growing on its back are distinct. Along with those eyes. And fangs so long and big that they stick out of the spirit’s mouth. It looms tall, but it doesn’t make you feel near as small as Suguru is right now.

“There are good people,” you protest quietly.

“There are good sorcerers,” he corrects just as lowly. “And where do they end up? In the ground.” Carefully, you nudge the girls further behind you before you step away. This is not a conversation that they need to hear. “When will it be our turn?” Close enough, you see the desperation in his eyes. “How long before it’s your body on a slab?”

“Death is a part of life.” Your fingers seek his out, threading together, trying to comfort him. “And we decided to risk that death coming earlier than everyone else when we left home. We chose to put our lives on the line.”

“But who are we doing this for?!” Suguru yanks his hands away, stretching his arms out, gesturing toward everything. “Animals like these?!”

“There are more good people in this world than bad.”

“If that’s the case, why do curses exist?”

“Suguru, that’s just how things are. It’s the way nature made us.”

“No. Nature made sorcerers better. They made us stronger. Why do we have to put our lives on the line like this for stinking monkeys that keep throwing their shit at us? We hide ourselves away from them, working in the shadows, always being so careful to not disturb their peace of mind, and for what? Is it so they can lock little girls in cages because they’re too scared of the unknown? Or so they can beat me like my fucking father did or constantly belittle and demean you like your parents did all for the sin of not being what they call normal? We don’t deserve this!”

“I know we don’t. No one does.” How can you explain this to him? You understand what he’s saying. Down in your bones, you know where this resentment is coming from. “But while there exists extreme cruelty, there also exists overwhelming kindness. It can’t be all bad. We found happiness, didn’t we?”

“We found it with sorcerers. If we lived in a world where no non-sorcerer existed, there wouldn’t be all this pain!”

“But…that world doesn’t exist. It can’t.”

“Why not?”

You give a sharp, hysterical laugh. “Because you’d have to kill every non-sorcerer living, that’s why. That’s not possible.”

He tilts his head, almost condescending when he sneers, “It’s not?” The cursed spirit behind him gives a rumbling growl, reminding you of its presence, of its threat. Your already racing heart pounds faster as you comprehend his meaning. Surely, he doesn’t mean…

“Suguru, let’s go home,” you plead.

“No.” No? “There is no home for me now. We’ll never be safe or happy until this world is clean. I understand what my true path is now. I know what I need to do now…and I’ll kill anyone that gets in my way.”

The precipice that your world has been standing on the edge of for the last year finally tilts.

Suguru won’t hurt me.

Right now, you’re the only person that can stand close enough to drag him back from the edge. I’ll kill anyone that gets in my way, he threatens, and right now, you believe that. But not me, you know. Therefore, it must be you that saves him. Because he’s falling. He’s going somewhere that you won’t be able to follow. You’re going to lose him. This would be rebirth and this would be death.

Suguru won’t hurt me.

Cursed spirits seem to explode out of him. Too many to count. You know them all. The blossoming promise of an army that the higher-ups were always afraid he could weaponize.

Suguru won’t hurt me.

That Grade 1 shifts. Its maw, hungry for blood, opens wide. It raises an arm, claws sharp and poised at the ready. You know that when it moves, it’s over. The other spirits will follow. This Grade 1 is an extension of Suguru. This is his rage, his loneliness, his agony.

Suguru won’t hurt me.

Eyes, cold and hard as the amethyst they so resemble, stare dead ahead with steel-like resolve. Slowly, he starts to turn his back on you. You have to stop him. You have to keep talking to him. And you reach out a hand to grab at his bicep. Your mouth is in the shape of his mouth. You think…you think that you might say something that sounds like stop.

Suguru won’t hurt me.

Just as your body instinctually knows that you don’t need to pacify his spirits, that he won’t hurt you…his body knows not to hurt you, either…

Suguru won’t hurt me.

…right?

Suguru won’t—

Blood colors your vision. Pain doesn’t even register in your brain. One second, you’re upright, and in the next, the ground is rising up to meet you. Even the resounding thud that your body gives as it slams down does triggers nothing. Sprawled out in the lush green grass, it only really feels numb to you.

No, all your erratic thoughts can seem to focus on is how disgusting this feels. Wet, sticky heat is quickly soaking your white shirt, weighing it down against your skin, making you feel trapped. You might be gasping for air that you can’t seem to get enough of.

Suguru…hurt…

Thoughts are getting scattered in your brain now. The world narrows in, black hedging in at the corner of your vision. You want it off. The shirt. The blood. You stupidly reach a hand up to wipe away the blood. Gore is all you find. Open gaping wounds that start at the crook of your neck and go…you don’t know how far down. You don’t have the strength left to follow the path.

Suguru…hurt…

Oh. There is he above you now. Thank goodness, you think when you see the panic so clear on his face. Emotion…there’s all those emotions that’d been missing. Nothing cold anymore. Thank goodness. His mouth moves. Says your name, maybe. You can’t hear him. You can’t feel it when he presses his hands somewhere on your body, either. Putting pressure on it must not be working. There’s a lot of blood dripping from his hands when he scrambles to pull out his cell phone. Ah. Yeah, your vision is starting to blur. You give up trying to read his lips.

It's a pretty night, all things considered. For as much as you two hated it, it’s beautiful in the countryside. Easier to see the moon and stars. You always tried to reject that reality. After you left for Tokyo, you thought that was it, that you left that all behind for good, that you wouldn’t die in the backwoods.

Guess you were wrong about that.

[damnfandomproblems]

772148308684800001

This actually works.

An anti (I think they were like 15 or something, surprise, surprise) had all their friends gang up on my mutual over their incest ship, and posted nasty things about them, taking screenshots of their writing, and even their vents about how the anti wouldn't leave them alone and kept sending people to their blog to blow up their inbox, even though they'd blocked them. The anti also accused my mutual of being homophobic for, and I can't make this up, not shipping a certain toxic gay ship because that type of toxic dynamic didn't interest them. Yes, an anti, making fun of someone for simply not shipping a toxic ship. I told the anti to stop and be nice. They didn't stop. They said they "were" being nice, and played dumb and acted like my mutual was overreacting. Typical anti shit. My mutual had only posted two calm but annoyed posts about the harassment, too, so... Way to misrepresent yet another aspect of the situation, anti.

After this, I was pissed on my mutual's behalf. I'd dealt with antis myself in the past, not even over "toxic" ships but just a canonical ship the antis didn't like, and I wasn't pulling punches anymore. I started taking Internet Archive captures of the anti's blog for the next couple days, archiving all of their most recent posts. Then I went into their inbox - off anon, using my well-established blog with tons of user engagement so I looked credible and they couldn't laugh me off as a troll - and listed links for all the days I captured, with quotes of the most damning lines. I told them, "Is this what you call nice? You do realize your harassment not only stays with the people you harassed for a long time, but once it's online and posted, it can also stay up there forever?"

And I kid you not, they replied with, "Please take it down. I'm uncomfortable having this stuff up there, I didn't mean it". They did a complete 180 on me; they were uncannily polite and subdued. I simply told them, if it makes them uncomfortable seeing bad stuff about them up there, how do they think someone who is having unsubstantiated bad rumors spread about them would feel? And I told them once it's up, it's up forever. I can't take it down. It's loose. Lastly, I told them that anyone else who saw the bullying probably saved captures or screenshots of their own, too, so even if I could take it down, those other screenshots are likely always going to be there anyways. (I had no confirmation that anyone else took captures, but it was a possibility given how nasty they were being.) Moreover, it wasn't just me; people don't like when people act like they did, even if their online buddies think it's cool and funny, and like me, they save receipts to know who to avoid, even in the future.

The anti proceeded to not only pull down all their posts harassing my mutual, but pleaded with their own mutuals to remove their reblogs of said posts. A lot of them didn't, because they were in full-on rage and bully mode, and it just made the anti even more uncomfortable, knowing they couldn't control what their pals were doing.

This was ages ago, but it was so satisfying. Not only did they stop cold in their tracks when they realized just how all of their bullying shit could remain on the internet permanently, but they never said a peep about my mutual again, or even me. It was an instant KO. I don't do this stuff lightly, but for people this ignorant and stupid, sometimes a healthy dose of reality and a taste of their own medicine is enough to make them realize they fucked around and found out.

Posting as a response to a previous ask.

[nowimjustastranger]

Hello; I'm really interested in your Infinity Falls au.

I was wondering if we could know more about Dipper and Mabel; do they stay in Gravity Falls full time? What do they mostly do? What're their personalities like that makes them sort of 'darker' then the typical Dipper and Mabel?

No, they don't live in Gravity Falls. Their parents have joint custody of the Pines twins even after the divorce, so they switch off on which parent they stay with until summer, which they spend in Gravity Falls. If there's ever talk of them staying with one of the parents/going elsewhere for the summer, they immediately call their Grunkles. Stan will then talk to the other parent and get them on his side before calling the current problem parent, dude is a master manipulator. No matter what, he's getting his fucking kids for three months.

There was only one memorable occasion that Ford got involved, and that was after the Pines twins had been signed up for a fancy summer camp that cost a fair amount of money when the kids were nine years old. Stan had smashed up the house in his rage when both parents agreed that too much money had been spent to simply not have them go since refunds weren't an option. Fiddleford had fetched Ford from the sub-basement before getting to work calming Stan down, the man inconsolable.

Stan's distress had put Ford in a downright nasty mood, so he ended up having a short and succinct conversation with the parents, assuring them that he would reimburse them for what they spent on the summer camp with interest. And the prospect of extra money had them agreeing to send the kids to Gravity Falls for the summer. Ford did warn them that should this happen again, then they'd never see another penny from him. Basically, he starts bribing the parents with a sum of money to ensure that they send the kids to Gravity Falls every summer.

But, once the Pines twins turn 18, they'll be moving to Gravity Falls permanently and Ford will cut all ties with and funds to the kids' parents. And, for making Stan so distressed and anxious every June after that one incident, Ford would even go as far to make their lives more difficult by pulling some strings.

In terms of personality, I basically just took their pre-existing personalities and gave them an unhinged edge.

Take Mabel for example, she hides her extremely manipulative and destructive nature under a bubbly and disarming demeanor. She's still very chaotic and impulsive, which is tempered only by her loyalty and devotion to her family. When it comes to her friends and family, her occasional manipulation is obvious. She doesn't try to hide it and will proudly confess to manipulating them if confronted, but her manipulation is ultimately harmless when it comes to her loved ones. She usually only manipulates her loved ones for their own benefit, looking out for them in her own way.

Ford is pulling all nighters again when Stan takes Dipper camping (and also to scout for new creatures)? Mabel will break out the crocodile tears and play the nightmare card to get Ford to cuddle on the sofa with her and watch an animal documentary. It only takes maybe half an hour before Ford is sleeping, aggressively snuggling Mabel. Stan starts drinking more and getting out of the house less after Ford and Fiddleford go to yet another science convention for two weeks? Mabel will ask Stan to take her places, just spending time with him. She'll even get Dipper in on it if Stan is particularly bad.

Dipper, on the other hand, is both cunning and calculating. Dipper can read people and situations then use the information he gathers to his advantage, tilting the scales in his favor. He's very aloof and cold to those outside of his social circle, distrusting of others and their intentions. Dipper isn't afraid to get his hands dirty either, perfectly willing to fight if the circumstances call for it. Dipper isn't quite as controlled as Ford, his emotions still get the better of him, so someone is always around to make sure no one can witness his temporary vulnerability.

Dipper's affection and care is far more subtle than Mabel's since he focuses more on the little things. Ford and Fiddleford never run out of coffee during the day, Dipper keeping the coffee machine running and changing out the grounds for fresh ones when needed. If Stan forgets to do a chore or two around the house because the Mystery Shack is having a busy day, Dipper will do whatever needs doing for him. Dipper keeps his shared room with Mabel clean and tidy, ensuring that Mabel can find all her knitting and art supplies.

Dipper doesn't like not knowing things or not being in control (or at least informed) of situations, but Dipper wouldn't hesitate to blindly follow along with his sister or Grunkles whims due to the absolute loyalty and trust he has for his immediate family.

[tuesdaykiss]

“touching toes”

rafe cameron social media au

“he’s over more and more, had to give him a whole drawer. to be honest, kinda like seeing his trainers by the door.” — olivia dean, ‘touching toes’.

synopsis: after finishing her fashion studies at college in nyc, y/n moves to outerbanks to live with her grandparents. she worries about the loneliness that comes with being in a new place, knowing only her cousin topper and other relatives… that is until she is acquainted with a certain cameron.

part - 23 | 24 | 25

masterlist

The plan was simple: keep your relationship with rafe under wraps for as long as possible. you knew the potential of the pogues having a strong reaction, and you weren’t ready to face the fallout just yet. but as with most things involving rafe, the universe had other plans.

it started innocently enough. you and rafe had stolen a quiet moment together at the marina, tucked away on his boat, enjoying the sunrise as you celebrated your new relationship. a beautiful display of fruits and pastries layed out in front of you both — a lovely surprise from rafe.

your story

his arm slung casually over your shoulders as he leaned in to kiss you, his lips warm and soft against yours as he didn’t have to worry about being caught with how quiet the marina was at such hour.

… or so he thought.

you didn’t hear the footsteps approaching until it was too late.

“wait… what the fuck?”

the voice cut through the peaceful morning like a knife, and you froze, pulling back from rafe to see jj, pope and kiara standing only a few feet away on the dock, their expressions ranging from shock to outright betrayal.

you had never involved yourself with the pogues and kooks rivalry, ever since your arrival. staying well away from the dramatics, you had even questioned the reasons as to why there was so much tension.

“oh my god,” kie said, her eyes wife as she glanced between you and rafe in disbelief, “tell me this isn’t what it looks like.”

you scrambled to your feet, guilt twisting in your stomach. “guys, it’s not— well, okay, it is what it’s looks like, but just— let me explain…”

“explain what?” jj shadows, his facial expression a mix of confusion and anger. “that you’re hooking up with rafe cameron? that’s messed up, y/n.”

“jj—“

“no,” he interrupted, pointing at rafe. “this guy has been making our lives miserable for years, and now, you’re just… what, dating him?”

“jj, calm down,” sarah’s voice cut through the rising tension as she approached the group from behind, her presence immediately drawing everyone’s attention. “it’s not like she’d know that, she hasn’t exactly been here long.”

your body filled with gratitude as sarah had come to your defence, though the pogues did not share the same feelings about the situation.

“sarah,” pope said, his tone sharp, “did you know about this?”

suddenly, all of the tension had shifted towards sarah, as the group looked at her impatiently, demanding a response.

“i did,” she admitted, stepping closer, “but before you freak out even more, i think you should hear her out.”

jj threw his hands up, “seriously? you’re okay with this? he’s your brother… and— and”

sarah’s gaze hardened, a firmness in her voice now as she spoke, “and i’m also her friend. look, i get it— it’s shocking. but you all know how complicated my family is. rafe isn’t perfect, trust me i know. but if y/n sees something in him, don’t you think we owe it to her to at least listen?”

the group fell silent, her words sinking in.

“guys,” you said softly, your voice trembling slightly. “i know how it looks. i know rafe has done a lot of bad things to you all, before i arrived, and i’m not excusing any of that. you have a right to be mad, but he’s… different with me. he’s trying, and i care about him.”

“care about him?” jj scoffed, “y/n, this is rafe cameron we’re talking about. the same guy who—“

“i know,” you stopped him, meeting his gaze. “i know who he is, jj. but this… what we have, it’s real. and it’s my decision.”

kie crossed her arms, her expression torn, “but why didn’t you tell us?”

you sighed, guilt weighing heavily on your chest, “i was scared, okay? i knew you wouldn’t approve, and i didn't want more judgement and lectures. it’s new, and i just wanted to figure it out for myself first.”

jj shook his head, “so what? you sneak around with him behind our backs?”

“enough,” rafe finally spoke, you’d almost forgotten he was present. his voice was calm, “look, i get it. you guys hate me, and rightfully so, i’ve earned it — i’m sorry. but this isn’t about you… it’s between me and y/n. and whether you like it or not, i’m not going anywhere.”

jj stepped closer, glaring at rafe. “you’ve got some nerve, cameron. after everything you pulled—“

“stop it, jj!” sarah interjected, placing a hand on his chest to prevent him from moving closer, “you are not helping!”

pope, who had been silent for a while finally spoke, “y/n, do you really trust him?”

you looked at pope, your eyes softening, “i do. he’s trying to be better, for himself… for me.”

sarah nodded, backing you up, “i’ve seen it too, he’s different with her. you’re all grown now, this high school rivalry needs to stop. if y/n is happy isn’t that what’s important?”

the group fell silent, as they dwelled on sarah’s words.

finally, kiara sighed, her expression softening, “i don’t like it,” she admitted, “but, if you’re sure about this… we’ll tolerate him.”

pope nodded reluctantly, “yeah, we’re your friends, y/n. we support you… even when we don’t understand it.”

jj groaned but threw his hands up in defeat, “fine! but if he screws up even one, i’m coming for him!”

rafe smirked, his confidence returning, “noted.”

you let out a breath you hadn’t realised you were holding, relief washing over you. “thank you,” you said quietly, your voice full of gratitude. rafe watched as the five of you huddled together in a hug, smiling at the support system you had around you: perhaps, the pogues weren’t so bad — and for you, he’d change his perspective.

your friends had promised to notify cleo and john b of their so-called truce with the kook, for you.

as the tension eased and the pogues began to begrudgingly accept the new reality, you glanced at rafe. he gave you a small, reassuring smile, and in that moment you knew you’d made the right choice. you could do anything, with him — and the pogues — by your side… even tell the internet that you’d ‘stolen’ their boyfriend.

“beach?” jj suggested to the pogues, pulling you from your thoughts. the one word causing pure delight amongst your friends, as they began parading down to the shore, boards and towels in hand.

“you coming?” you smiled at rafe, dragging him along by his hand as you laughed.

your camera roll

jjmaybank

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jjmaybank weird day man, weird day

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sarahcameron enemies to lovers?

jjmaybank @/yourusername come to steal your man

yourusername knew i shouldn’t have introduced you

heywardpope finally we got someone who is better than you at volleyball

jjmaybank no one is better than me at volleyball 🥸

rafecam 1 v 1 me tomorrow

a/n: first of all, sorry for no chapter yesterday… i’m not sure if i can get one out tomorrow i am really busy but i PROMISE sunday i’ll be BACK!

i hate this chapter low-key, but i needed her to tell the pogues asap so i can just focus on them being cute and in love x

taglist: @my-name-is-baby @yesshewrites1 @urbrunettebombshell @leather-n-velvet @fruitcakerafe @littlefreak-liz @wdwbts101 @akobx @lossfairy @marleymarleymarleymarley @jjmaybankmylovee @mbella607 @scream4mami @mrsdrewstarkeyy @honeyluvsatj @rafegetinmybed @hypnotizedstarkey

[causeimcrayzeebee]

have you seen the kamimura lore drop and what are your thoughts?

ohbmy god this could’ve been so embarrassing cause i hadn’t seen it yet and was so confused as to what you meant so I was planning on just yapping about kamimura in general but then I saw it LMAO UM I WAS SO HAPPY CAUSE KAMIMURA CONTENT!!!!! KAMIMURA LORE!!! AND THEN SO FUCKING INCREDIBLY SAD FROM IT LIKE....THAT'S GORE... THAT'S GORE OF MY COMFORT CHARACTER.... um yeah I have work for law to do but I got too into reading the lore drop so lets talk about it! (I will get to my work after trust) spoiler warning for chapters 1-3 and tetro typical trigger warnings!!! take care of yourself!!

I am not going to cover the ableism portion or too much of the diagnosis/hospital parts because I am not personally disabled and would like to let other disabled people talk about it, so i'll leave the rest of the conversation to others in the community!

also i took notes while reading it to organize my thoughts like usual (im so bad at putting words together well). some of these are kinda funny so here are some highlights lmfao

alright, now lets actually be serious.

firstly, I'm so glad that kamimura at least had a good childhood. I think it really shows in the way he interacts with the tetro pink cast that he was a sociable and happy kid! my mom actually teaches preschool so shes taught me a lot about early childhood psychology (shout out to my mother guys!!!!!). one of the biggest takeaways I've had from her is that the first five years of one's life are the most important in development! that's what Montessori programs keep in mind and throughout preschool and early kinder, they take time to establish learning through play; a lot of people have the misconception that letting kids play at school is just letting them mess around, but it's crucial in building their skills! kids learn to socialize with others and to problem solve; that foundation is very important for everything else moving forward in life! I could rant about how preschools need to utilize this more, esp in the American education system, but I digress. my main point goes to something I (and a couple other people I'm not original in this LMAO) have mentioned before about how it makes more sense out of hasegawa and kamimura, that they'd kill off kamimura because he had other people. kamimura, despite having further and further cut himself off from the world right till the end (until the kg at least), still managed to make meaningful connections, like tamba and hayashi, even if they weren't like ideal. the way he approaches tamba is very caring in a way that can seem like it's not, yk? likely it stems from his trust issues, it's scary to put your genuine real feelings out there, so hiding them with some snide remarks is easier. luckily, tamba has a similar approach so hey. shout out tamba n kamimura you will always be special to me.

anyways, its both so amazing and so heartbreaking that his parents were so loving and supportive, but died too soon. I do wonder about the role of attachment in this case; like specifically in babies/toddlers, they get attached to their parents usually because that's the first person they see, the first to take care of them. kamimura was able to get that love and support from his parents, even when it got so much harder and the days in the hospitals got longer. so having it all be taken away when you're NINE? that's obviously gonna destroy you, and that leads to his trust issues and isolation. he was able to thrive still as a young child because he had his parents to support him! so when that's all gone, how else are you supposed to cope?

yeah fuck you family friend, that was brutal. I cant even imagine coming home from school to find your parents absolutely desecrated. the day of his parents death beginning the routine of staying locked in his room.... oh my god like what if I cried (I did). that probably changed the way he thought about his room; his room was an escape from the horrors of the outside world. if he just stayed in the room, he wouldn't have to experience the fucked up world. it became a habit. EUGAHHD I'm in shambles.

after the murder of his parents, it's understandable that it shook kamimura and his aunt to their core. that was a violent murder (by a man who was literally just rejected romantically.... its so fucking upsetting that that is a common crime). his aunt wasn't even ready to have kids so having the responsibility of taking in kamimura must've been a lot. In regards to homesick, despite the very clear distance in their relationship, kamimura really seems to appreciate her being there, even if it was very distanced; she was still an important part of his grieving process and his whole life honestly.

oh boy here we go. isao when I catch you istg..... sorry that's an exaggeration, likely this was from a societal disgust, yk just homophobia from the world, so I cant really blame this kid too much.... but we still have beef. god, this was one of those actually crushing crushes, hm. it's so fucked up; someone who was starting to get kamimura a bit out of the dark space that was his life, giving him something to enjoy and be happy about! and all of that was just thrown away because kamimura was vulnerable and shared his feelings. not having your feelings returned can already be devastating, but this? the spread of rumors, the bullying, the losing his one friend? it's like the world wants to torture him omfg. here the trust issues become worse; those who loved him leave, those who he loved leave. everyone just leaves, so what's the point?

this explains his relationship with hasegawa, and the issue after trial 1. it had to have felt way too familiar; telling someone he was fond of vulnerable information, only for it to be told to a bunch of people he never wanted in his fucking business. however, I think the reason why they made up rather quickly in clean up crew (which btw I watched w my friend earlier today bc I got them into tetro........ god I love that episode) is hasegawa's response. hasegawa, unlike isao, is remorseful, he CARES. hasegawa even shares something personal to him, about his own loss.

I think this also changes the scene of hasegawa coming out a bit. before, he was rejected by isao because he was a homophobic douchebag. but in the student spotlight, hasegawa casually says he's not into girls. while its funny thinking that kamimura was having some gay panic then lmao, I think actually it was probably processing that in a confused comfort, not exactly because his feelings could be reciprocated, but for this; hasegawa was so comfortable with coming out as gay, so comfortable with the concept, unlike isao. if kamimura confessed his feelings to hasegawa, and were (somehow) not reciprocated, he likely still wouldn't have ran away. of course, with kamimura's trust issues, he probably wasn't confident in that assumption, but hasegawa is not the kind of person to drop someone because they confessed to them. he would've kept the person that had become so important to him. and because of that maybe, just maybe, kamimura would've said what he really wanted to say if the interview had happened before woodshop.

once he's on his own and moves out, he no longer has someone reminding him to do things, so with no motivation to simply live, he ends up staying locked in his house like we've seen before. what's the point in anything? when that kind of spiral hits you, and you don't have other people present in your life to keep doing, how would you ever stay motivated?? I know it was a really informal post, so I might be going insane trying to add this to the analysis, but the repetition of 'but life goes on' I think really solidifies the importance of a support system. when things are difficult, the world never just stops, it keeps going despite your struggle. but having people who care about you around you can help make each day easier, they can help 'slow down time' if you will. kamimura has gone through an amount of stress no one should have to face, but people around him could have made it easier on him by being there. that's the tragedy of tetro.

it's especially tragic that at the very end, right before the kg, he was taking his own life.

(plot wise, I need to know what y'all theorists think of this bc I have ideas but i need to finish the staffside logs before I can even actually consider my thoughts lmfao.)

sorry to be captain obvious on a majority of this post lol but gosh wow. I really loved that we got this, it was so much information I am kinda stoked despite basically all of it being depressing as hell. tetro has really become an inspiration for me and writing, I am constantly so impressed by von's writing and it's given me perspective on how to approach writing as a whole. i feel as though this gave me so much perspective on kamimura himself as a character. some of this just confirmed my ideas already, but it strikes me as something so human just learning all of this. when I, or anyone really, first meet people, I only know surface level things, yk cause I don't know them. but then I start talking to them, and I learn about different things that have happened to them, how they feel about certain issues or what they're doing on a day to day basis. you can never know everything of course, but when you discover new parts of someone, it makes them more complex and they don't fit the idea you had of them before because people are complex!! and that's the beauty of writing, capturing humanity! the impact of each character, esp kamimura, has been so beautifully done, I'm just constantly moved as the story progresses.

thank y'all sm for reading my excuse to talk about kamimura, this was A LOT of blabbing I'm so so sorry but I hope you enjoyed haha! :)

[dootznbootz]

I don’t have a link but I saw a post along the lines of “EPIC fans trying to gaslight themselves into thinking Odysseus wouldn’t cheat (he does in the books)” and I nearly had a conniption.

Some people WERE arguing he was assaulted, but other people were saying it depends on the interpretation and saying he has a child with Circe and that he stays on the island with her for a year. I also saw someone say he was just lying about being assaulted on another post about it.

The Odyssey/EPIC fandom is so exhausting I’ve thought about blocking everything sometimes ngl. It’s so hard to filter out posts like that. But there’s so much amazing art and content about it I don’t want to stop seeing it.

No, like that's the struggle of it.

I Love Epic and I technically got into the Odyssey BECAUSE of Epic. But I'm a hardcore Odyssey girly. I adore it so much. I've read 8 translations at this point because I love it so much and it's fun for me! And Epic is in no way a replacement for the Odyssey (Jay even says that it's not! he's simply inspired by the Odyssey) and it feels like high quality fanfiction of the Odyssey (FUN! JOYOUS WHIMSY! I still like it! :3 ).

But holy shit, like, both Epic AND Tagamemnon fans can be so fucking exhausting. (I am a fan of both. I can say this.)

(Obviously I'm not talking about everyone. <3 I've made many friends and have met lovely people in both fandoms.)

Like while yes, Epic!Odysseus isn't coerced/raped by either of the goddesses, that's simply because of the fact that Jay simply felt like he wasn't well equipped to handle such dark topics to that extent. And I honestly respect him for that! He knows his limits with the story he wanted to tell and that's good! And in general I think he did a fantastic job handling the aspects of it he did touch on (Coercion with Circe's threatening in "There Are Other Ways" is done well imo.)

(ngl, I kind of take back what I said about "Not Sorry for Loving You". I think a lot of my reaction was initially from my fear of how fandom would react. But I've been delightfully surprised seeing how (for the most part) Epic Fandom has really come through to show the "fucked up-ness" of that song)

THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT ODYSSEUS IN THE ODYSSEY IS A SHITTIER HUSBAND BECAUSE HE, IN THE ANCIENT TEXT, CANNOT SAY NO TO A GODDESS.

Greek Mythology isn't like Percy Jackson where 12 year old Percy beat Ares. (I was a PJO KID TOO!) It's not "Odysseus didn't try hard enough" fucking victim blaming btw because HE LITERALLY CANNOT REFUSE OR THEN HE'LL (AND HIS FRIENDS IN THE CASE OF CIRCE) WOULD DIE!!!

Like I wrote a whole ass essay on Circe's Situation (I feel so preachy and shitty about having to constantly bring it up but I will as much as I have to to get people to listennnn) and in general, if you can't see what's happening with Calypso, you've got your head up your ass and/or are just looking away because you don't like the actual implications of what's happening. For the main "gripe" I've seen with Calypso with how "He enjoyed her company at first", @lyculuscaelus has a great essay breaking that down.

And before? ODYSSEUS HAS NO LISTED CONCUBINES! And he brings up Penelope often in the Iliad!

And the whole "lying about being assaulted", I'm sorry but if someone is holding the "Men were so sexist that they couldn't possibly care about the women in their lives or have been victims" idea, then why would Odysseus willfully share that he was raped by women? Who, as they say, were viewed beneath him? Why would he lie about something that would put him in such a humiliating light?

Btw, Menelaus (sealy boy!!!) even says that he's being held captive by Calypso with what he learned from Proteus! Menelaus isn't known for telling stories!

I feel bad as like, I used to LOVE going into the tags and finding creators I haven't seen before and cheering them on! Art and Fics and yay! But like... It's sometimes so disheartening going in there and seeing nonsense or bad takes ;~;

Honestly, as much as I DO enjoy Epic, I think that hopefully once the hype dies down a lil, it'll chill out more :') We'll all be okay!

[castlebyersafterdark]

let's play a sleepover game and imagine what the cast, somewhat drunk, were like playing spin the bottle as a little last night fun! its on theme for the show haha. imagine them in the little hangout space basement set, sprawled on the couch, weird afterhours feeling in this former workspace.

the adults are there too, but they peel away after a few joke pecks on the cheek or lips, david kissing winona with gusto, then pretending to go in for a full-on smooch with one of the party and them squealing away.

then the teens' actors stay, but they are a bit more i'm 30 years old about it all haha, sat back on the couches. meanwhile the young cast are having a BALL

i think caleb would be game to kiss anyone, but it would be that kind of spin the bottle kiss where you want to show off youre a good kisser, but its not like you're freaking out and actually enjoying enjoying it for emotional reasons, you know? like imagine the grins as noah and caleb crawl towards each other across the bottle. they would GO FOR IT haha. noah a blushing mess sits back afterwards and playfully fans himself in a swoon while everyone laughs. caleb is smug and playing it cool. it was a nice kiss.

meanwhile if caleb and sadie kissed... its a little more meaningful between them but also nothing new, you know? it's tender, friends and costars. everyone kind of claps and cheers softly. end of an era.

millie is reluctant cos she is married. but in the end she kisses sadie, very sweet and girly sleepover style but a proper lip kiss! the boys kind of reboot a little because thats a surreal thought they've definitely had at some point in their teens even if they're not all into girls lol 🤭🤭 caleb especially clears his throat

then gaten and finn have to kiss and it takes them a lifetime because they can't stop laughing. in the end gaten is grabbing finn's shoulders like 'just kiss me, dude!' and finn is giggling covering his face with his hands, and everyone is yelling and quoting the show that kissing is better without teeth, obviously, finn! duh! and gaten rolls his eyes and shows off his lovely teeth. in the end they peck and grimace afterwards, taking a drink each haha

and of course the tension builds when its finn and noah's turn. everyone hollers despite (because?) they've spent a fair portion of this year kissing already. it still feels like a well-kept secret though, special until the show is shared w the world. they are suddenly more nervous than filming the actual show, looking at each other with suppressed smiles and soft eyes. they slowly move towards each other while the others quietly whoop and goad them on...

carry on vinny? 🤭🤭🤭

Spin the bottle??? 💋🍾 Well, I spun yall a tale under the cut, in typical lofty Vinny style. I certainly carried way on. I wanted to get simple and silly, but my muses had different ideas. Sentiment and sap, not spice. Here's something...

It was like the cameras were on them again. No heavy lights this time, where they tried not to focus on the brightness to the sides, or the sweat from Georgia heat and stress which always summoned the assistants to attack their subtle application of make-up with touch up brushes and towels yet again. Stop fussing. Let us get this over with. No, not over with. Do it finally. Ten years in the making.

They'd spent so much time together on and off set. And... something... had been brewing. Long conversations, soft words deep into the night, much later than responsible when call time was so early the next day. Well, the clock showed it was now that morning.

Curled into each other on the couch at Finn's house, or Noah's apartment, movie credits stuck on pause as they rolled into hour two of breaking down the movie they just watched.

How many times had Noah thought - what if I just kissed him now? We're already going to do it. We were always gonna do it. Well, not it. Actually, that's in the script, too. The scene in bed. All that kissing. And movement and simulation and how the fuck am I going to survive kissing Finn and pretending to have sex with Finn? All for a scene that is going to get edited and cut down and no one will see the hours I had to spend in bed with the guy I've had a crush on for years, skin to skin as we kiss and pretend.

I want so much more. What if I just kissed him now?

He didn't. They saved it for the scripted moment, not knowing it was something that was mutually even being saved, built up into something so big, so life changing on screen - and it was.

The set had been abuzz, with too many crew and staff lingering for The Moment that defined the show. Mike and Will screamed and argued and sobbed and Noah and Finn crashed together under simulated spray of water, passion in the rain, all to be enhanced in post but drenching them now. Cut. A near perfect take. A near perfect kiss. Noah felt like his heart and soul were somewhere up in space as his human form orbited elsewhere. In that moment he was Will Byers, and Will Byers had just been kissed by the love of his life and knew he'd gotten the boy. And Noah fell back into himself and on take two, he kissed Mike as Noah, and Mike kissed back as Finn. They both knew this. Take three they shook it off and let the bleed between realities settle. Take four.

The set was quiet, as empty as they could get away with for the other scene. A skeleton of people. Skin on skin and giggles and gasps - fake, and some real. Their eyes flashed and locked at the real ones, knowing which those were. Professional, of course, and decidedly mostly unsexy with the bright lights and cameras honing in on every pore and choreographed movement, but bodies were bodies, and bodies felt good together. How far did playing pretend take you and where was the line when someone's tongue was in your mouth and hand on your ass?

There were so many kisses in the end. The first kiss in the rain. The kiss that was meant to feel like goodbye when Will pulled Mike close, then ran into what was written to feel like mortal danger. The reunion kiss, when Will survived. The kiss at graduation, short and sweet, blink and you miss it. The kiss at the bar, a final act of bravery to prove that happily ever after could be found for boys like Will and Mike, having faced much stranger -

Yeah. There had been a lot of kisses.

This wasn't like any of them.

All the sudden they were facing each other again. No fake rain. No camera, though Gaten had his phone whipped out. No big, bright lights. Hot still, from the blush of blood on cheeks, flushed from drinking and proximity. Noah took another step closer with a crooked, nervous smile on his curving mouth. Finn had downed a lot of drinks, but he felt stone sober as Noah stood there facing him. Expectant. Scared out of his mind. So fucking happy.

Gaten shushed Caleb from goading a hurry up, dudes as he hit the record button, and Millie eyed the whole scene from her perch on top of the couch with suspicion. She'd seen right through them for a while. The whole year. She was quite over it. Wanted to yell at them to get it over with, having seen cuts of the footage already of the big, passionate moment that would push them into international conversation. Old news. Just kiss. Again. Sadie squeaked out a laugh and covered her mouth as Finn stepped closer and placed hands on Noah's shoulders, looking down at the source of his own personal conflict.

He'd wanted to kiss Noah every single one of those highly tense, intimate movie nights and afternoons stolen away in their trailers in between scenes. Never, quite, almost. Now.

The rest of the room wasn't paying much attention, save for David nudging Winona with giddy intrigue to look over. She winced and cooed and channeled Joyce's supportive smile, then turned back around before anything happened. One less pair of eyes.

And Finn leaned down and pressed terrified lips to Noah's waiting ones. Take number one. He thought he'd memorized the shape of them. Felt different. But it felt right.

Eyes slipped closed. The kiss was chaste. But Noah was up in space again and he was Will Byers, kissing the love his life. Who was he kidding? He and Will were as one. It had been that way for a long time, and for a long time he'd fought it. Where would he be without him? Who would he be? Noah kissed back, all too aware of the most important people in his life staring at him as they unknowingly watched him kiss the guy he'd fallen in love with.

Finn took Noah's face in his palms after the chaste kiss, one where their lips had barely moved as pulses raced. Take two. Noah pulled away to say something in response to the cheer and whoop from their friends recording them on the couch, but Finn pulled him back, sealing his mouth over Noah's a second time. It wasn't enough. Dozens and dozens of takes combined from all of the kisses on set and it wasn't enough.

Finn was a man in the desert and Noah was an oasis. Noah held the wrists of the hands cradling his face with a gentleness and he wished they were anywhere else but surrounded by their fellow drunken cast mates and phone cameras and an open room and a discarded bottle that had spun somewhere under the armchair.

On the last turn - Finn's spin after his kiss with Caleb - Millie had proclaimed that the bottle was pointing at Noah and Finn hadn't protested, but he knew it was pointing at her. Sometimes, friends do lie. And sometimes a lie is better than the truth.

The truth was - Finn did not kiss like Mike. Noah kissed like Will. Until he didn't, until it was all him. The part of lips, too involved for spin the bottle and just like that, all too real. Sadie and Caleb had been suppressing laughter, leaning on each other with hands over mouths as Gaten zoomed in, but he shut the video off when they all saw the way Finn pressed in deeper, opening to Noah who dropped his hands and pulled Finn closer by the elbows, then braced on his chest. Felt good under his hands, solid and defined and Noah missed the skin on skin feeling from the bed on set. He could feel it again, if they wanted. They could do anything they wanted to now. He wasn't afraid anymore.

And there was nothing funny about it as Gaten and Sadie and Caleb exchanged a look. Millie was already back on her phone. Old news. Boring. It was inevitable and there was nothing more for her to do.

"Noah." Spoken against a mouth that sought take five and six. Wanted to outnumber every kiss sitting in digital record on some hard drive to be scrutinized and edited and enhanced by dozens and dozens of people so millions and millions of people could see it and do the same.

They were going to be broadcast kissing into so many living rooms that it made Finn's head spin. They'd probably make it into the newspaper, some struggling magazine. Thousands of blogs. Some random person's lock screen. And one more recorded kiss that was to live alone on Gaten's video gallery.

Finn felt every pair of eyes, real and hypothetical, and wanted nothing more to kiss Noah where no one could ever play it back to him. He wanted a kiss that was his to give to one person only.

"Finn." Noah looked around, tried not to make eye contact with anyone still paying attention. "We should-"

"We should talk. Let's-"

Noah stepped away and backed out of the little set up couches and chairs and spared the group no glance. Finn was at his heels, pace brisk as they zipped through the scattered folks who were stoned or tipsy or both, thankfully disinterested in the antics of the twenty somethings playing a childish game off in the corner. They slipped through the door that stood in between the pinball machines and led down an open hall next to the main sound stage.

Rounding a corner, down another dark hall, Finn grabbed Noah's arm and pulled him towards the wall, where he fell against, bringing Noah up against himself like they'd been standing in the fake basement set.

"Can I kiss you?

"Uh, yeah? Haven't we done that enough that you know how I, I mean. You have to know-"

Finn, giddy, pulled at Noah's shirt and drew him closer, hand around Noah's neck, fingers tapping at his nape to sent a jolting shiver down his spine. Fitting.

"I know. I know. I just wanted to ask. I've never gotten to ask you."

"Have you... wanted to ask?"

"Yeah. For a long time."

Noah beamed and went to say something, but with permission already granted, Finn leaned in and kissed Noah for take number - didn't matter. He kissed him, finally, like no one was watching.

💋💋💋💋