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Azel Radwan: Both Endings Epilogue
Romantic Ending Letter | Dramatic Ending Epilogue
Thank you @passthechloroform for providing the video for this chapter!
"Love" is a curse.
It's the worst curse, one that should never be inflicted.
*flashback*
Emma: It's wrong to call something that hurts Prince Azel "love."
Emma: That's just violence disguised as love.
*flashback over*
(Those words Emma said one day hit the nail on the head about the true nature of love.)
(For me, love might be violence.)
*flashback*
Mother: Living God, please grant us a divine message. Show us the reality that has been promised to us.
Azel: I... don't know—
The Apostle: Everyone here is eagerly awaiting the Living God's divination.
The Apostle: God who loves his people, please have mercy on us.
Azel: ...I...
Mother: Come now, Living God.
The Apostle: Show us our path.
Azel: ...I understand.
-
Enis: Azel, we came to play!
Azel: Kamal-oniichan, Enis-oniichan...!
Enis: Whoa, what's with suddenly clinging to us like that? You're unusually affectionate today.
Azel: Am I... really a god?
Kamal: Ah, I guess the apostle said something to you again? That— geezer. Someday— I'll— I'll—
Enis: Hey, don't use such foul language in front of the child.
Enis: ...Azel, can you tell us what happened?
Azel: Everyone expects all sorts of things from me.
Azel: I want to meet those expectations, but there's so much I don't know.
Azel: Even though I don't know, I have to give them answers.
Azel: I can only give them vague answers, so I'm afraid that someday I'll give a false divine message...
Azel: A real god wouldn't have this problem.
Kamal: Sigh... You're more of an angel than a god, Azel, an angel.
Azel: Whoa, oniichan!
Enis: Kamal, it's dangerous to suddenly pick him up like that.
Kamal: You're being a nag, are you his babysitter or something?
Kamal: Azel, the people around you call you a god, but to Enis and me, you're just our cute little brother.
Kamal: To our troubled little brother, your big brother will give you this as a present.
Azel: Um... "Read This and You Too Can Become a Splendid Swindler ~Beginner Edition~"?
Enis: What kind of book did you give him?!
Kamal: Our angel is too kind, that's why he worries like this.
Kamal: Listen, most of the people who worship you as a god are greedy and only think about themselves.
Kamal: Become a swindler so they can't take advantage of you.
Azel: A swindler?
Kamal: A swindler is a bad person who deceives others and acts only for their own benefit.
Kamal: You're a kind god who only thinks about others, but a swindler doesn't care whether their divinations are right or wrong.
Kamal: Become like that. Enis and I want to protect you... Don't become a god who gets eaten by people.
Azel: Doing bad things... is wrong, but...
Azel: But I understand what you're trying to say, oniichan.
Azel: I'll read this book and study hard.
Kamal: Ah, you're a good boy.
Azel: Thank you, oniichan. I love you.
Kamal: Guh...
Enis: Hey, don't die?! Fainting from a nosebleed is a joke, right?!
-
Soldier: —There he is! It's the Living God! Secure him immediately!
Azel: I'm sorry! I was the one who said I wanted to play outside with my brothers!
Azel: I really didn't want to do any divinations today... I was tired...
Azel: So—...
Soldier: We've apprehended Prince Enis and Prince Kamal as well! Take them straight to prison!
Soldier: Those guilty of taking the god away will face appropriate judgment!
-
Enis: Aagh—!
Kamal: —Ugh...
Azel: Apostle... Please stop...
Azel: Please. I'll do whatever you say.
Azel: It's because I was a bad boy, because I didn't behave...
Azel: I'll never run away again, so please stop.
Azel: Please, please, please, please...
The Apostle: Living God... I'm sorry. It's not that I want to torment you.
The Apostle: This is also love.
The Apostle: To ensure that your noble self makes no mistakes, we must punish you severely like this.
The Apostle: All of this is for your sake. Please understand.
*flashback over*
At that time, I understood all too well.
The meaning of a god loving people, the meaning of people loving a god.
Both being loved and loving are nothing but painful acts.
I can't find any other words to describe this than a curse.
(The discomfort of being loved is still tolerable.)
(But I want to be spared from the curse that arises from my own love.)
Loving is the easiest way to make someone else unhappy.
(That's why... Emma, I don't love you.)
(I don't love you.)
-
Emma: —...Prince Azel?
I open my eyes, and a familiar scene comes into view.
The afterimage of the past vanishes, and the eyes of everyone seated at the table converge on me.
Azel: ...Is everyone here?
Kamal: Emma is here too today, huh?
Basil: May I address her as Lady Emma from now on? After all, she is the only one who has been loved by Prince Azel—
Basil: Ouch!
I throw a nearby game piece at his forehead, putting a stop to the unpleasant conversation for now.
Basil: Ah... even a scolding from Prince Azel is an honor...
Kamal: Sinan, please examine this child's head.
Sinan: Normal.
Kumush: That means there's no saving him, hahaha!
Temel: A little madness in young people helps them get ahead in life.
Kamal: Is that so?
Enis: I'm surprised though. This is my first time here, but...
Enis: I never thought most of Tanzanite's prominent figures were accomplices to a god.
(Thirteen people including Enis... no, fourteen if you include Emma.)
Present here, in addition to the royal family, are the head of the tourism association, the wealthy merchant who manages the market, the doctor with the best medical skills in the country, the owner of the famous restaurant that supports Tanzanite's economy, the competent spy who has deceived countless people, the world-renowned genius scholar, the strongest warrior...
I also gathered other promising individuals who will shape the future and gave them proof of my hope for the coming dawn.
(The god-killing plan I started alone has come this far, huh?)
(...It's been a long time.)
It all started that day when Kamal, who had been subjected to whipping, was exiled, and the light vanished from Enis's eyes—
Unable to bear the ugliness of the love the apostle spoke of, I vowed to destroy faith.
But sane words don't reach fanatics who think they can do anything for the god they love.
To escape the curse of love, there was no choice but to choose death, to kill even the idol god.
Kumush: King Enis, we weren't in important positions from the beginning.
Kumush: It was Prince Azel who guided us to them.
Temel: The development of the tourism association and the market also has Prince Azel's advice behind it.
Temel: I have nothing but respect for his foresight.
Azel: Don't mention it. I merely provided the opportunity for you to shine...
Azel: I just discovered your inherent talents and "bought" them.
Kamal: Azel, you don't realize how amazing that is.
Enis: You're still better suited to be king than I am. How about it, after being a god, why not try wearing a crown?
Azel: No, thank you. I want to enjoy my retirement.
Azel: I'll meet with you periodically and give you advice for a fee, but I won't do anything more than that.
My rejection is met with laughter in the hall.
Since when did I start to see emotions other than revenge in that scene?
*flashback*
Azel: From the next dawn, you will build the future with your own hands.
Azel: I look forward to seeing what kind of future the "human nation," free from the hands of God, will build.
*flashback over*
(Those were my true feelings.)
(...Even though I'm a god who doesn't love people.)
Izzet: Prince Azel... May I speak?
Azel: What is it, Izzet?
Izzet: Um... Shall I bring you a chair?
Kamal: Ah, hey!
Enis: Izzet... even though everyone was pretending not to notice...
(...)
(...Well, I guess it had to be said.)
There are thirteen chairs in this room—but there are fifteen people here, including myself.
Enis has taken a new seat, and his attendant, Izzet, stands beside him. The other newcomer, Emma, is sitting on my lap.
Emma: ...Prince Azel... As I thought...
Azel: Don't worry about it. I'm just doing this because I don't want to bother with bringing a chair.
Kumush: If that's the case, I'll stand!
Basil: No, I'll stand!
Temel: I'll—
Azel: That's quite alright. You are all important figures in this country, so please sit in the chairs.
(Smirking, smirking... It's not like I enjoy having her on my lap either.)
(It was just efficient. That's all.)
Emma: It would be easier if I just stood...
Azel: Ah, yes. The reason I gathered everyone here today is because there's something I wanted to tell you all.
I firmly embrace Emma's waist as she actually tries to stand, forcibly pulling her back onto my lap.
(...It's not like I want her sitting here, but there's no need to run away, is there?)
Azel: She will be involved in the establishment of the Tanzanite Book Merchants Association in the future, taking over from Akatsuki.
Azel: Emma is also a talented merchant, so I thought I'd try my hand at nurturing her.
Azel: I think there will be more opportunities for all of you to interact with her, so please make sure to remember her face.
Azel: Ah, but try not to stare. She's shy.
Emma: ...It's just that this situation is unbearable...
Emma's voice, as she covers her face with both hands, is so faint it's almost inaudible.
(How cute—)
(...No, that's wrong. Stop it. I feel like I'm becoming an idiot too.)
Kamal: ...Enis, you have many wives, don't you?
Kamal: Why don't you teach Azel how to conduct a romantic relationship?
Kamal: He was a god, you know, so he doesn't know how to treat girls.
Enis: Well... I suppose it's fine. He'll learn eventually after making some mistakes.
(How rude. What do they mean by "mistakes"?)
That's what I think inwardly, but everyone's gaze is lukewarm.
(...)
(...So this is what it means to be an ordinary person, huh?)
-
After seeing off the gathered people, the usual time descends upon the solitary desert castle.
After dinner, when it's time to sleep, I always hold Emma in my arms on the bed.
This, too, is a force majeure that started because I was tired of putting Emma back in the middle of the bed whenever she tried to sneak off to the edge. It's certainly not because I want to hold her or feel her warmth.
(Could this also be a "mistake"?)
(...It's not like I'm bothered by what they said earlier, but...)
Azel: What was the right thing to do?
Emma: Huh...?
Azel: ...Enis said it, didn't he? That it was a mistake.
Azel: What was the right thing to do in that situation?
Emma: Well... generally, you wouldn't have someone sit on your lap in public.
Azel: I told you many times, it was for efficiency.
Emma: ...Was it really just for efficiency?
Azel: There's no other reason.
Emma: Then say it while looking at me.
She cups my cheeks in her hands, forcing our eyes to meet.
I was about to complain, but the smile that bloomed before my eyes made me speechless.
Emma: Thank you.
Azel: ...What are you thanking me for?
Emma: For always loving me in a way that's easy to understand.
Azel: ...But I don't love you?
Even as I that, before I know it, I'm kissing her.
I know intellectually that this act is meant to convey love, but I can't stop myself.
Always, always—every time our eyes meet, I want to kiss her.
Even I find it baffling.
Emma: Nn... That's the least convincing "I don't love you" I've ever heard.
Azel: ...Shut up.
I seal her lips out of spite, stealing away her ability to laugh.
(No matter what you say, I don't want to admit it.)
(Even if the love I know is different from the "real love" you speak of—...)
When I look into her face, she wraps her arms around the back of my neck, looking unsatisfied.
As I entwine our tongues and caress her slender back, a muffled, frustrated voice escapes her lips.
(I don't love you...)
I press my finger against her nipple through her negligee and rub my knee between her damp thighs.
Even though I know intellectually that this is also something lovers do, my body won't stop.
(...No, this is just human physiological desire. It can't be helped, it's force majeure.)
Emma: Prince Azel...
(It's definitely not because Emma seemed to want it or anything like that...)
(It's because it's my creed to live greedily, so I have no choice...)
Emma: ...Nn... I was thinking during the meeting today...
Emma: Prince Azel... even though you say you don't love me, you're surely... more affectionate than anyone else.
Azel: Huh?
I involuntarily stop my hand and peer into her sweet face.
Azel: What did I do for you to interpret it that way?
Emma: When you were talking to everyone... you had a gentle expression.
Emma: I was secretly watching from your lap, thinking, "This must be Prince Azel's true nature"...
(...This isn't funny.)
(A god who doesn't love people is affectionate...)
Emma: Ah... Hyaa...!
I lift up her negligee and thrust my fingers in, all at once.
I delve deep inside, so that her mouth can't utter any more nonsense.
Azel: You're mistaken.
Emma: Ah, nn... That's... unfair!
Azel: I don't care.
(I just like to see people carve out their own path with their own strength.)
(I just like the moments when people laugh together and create a lively atmosphere...)
(...To call this affectionate...)
(...)
(...Will she say it?)
(No, she won't. Please don't say it.)
Emma: Loving someone isn't scary.
As if she could see right through my heart, Emma embraces me.
Emma: When I can prove that to you...
Emma: Please be more honest and love many things.
Unconsciously, my breath begins to tremble.
I kiss her hair, praying she doesn't notice my trembling.
Emma: Ah, but... I want to be Prince Azel's number one.
Emma: I want to be loved more than anyone else...
Emma also presses her lips against mine, her face bashful before my eyes.
It was a carefree bashfulness that seemed to defy the logic that love is a curse.
Azel: ...
Emma: ...
Azel: .................
Emma: ...Um...
Emma: ...Say something, please. This is awkward.
Azel: It's your own fault, isn't it?
(Love is a curse. That's why I will never love anyone.)
(...But, if by any chance, what you say is true, and real love doesn't make anyone unhappy...)
(I might not refuse to admit that I love you...)
Emma: Prince Azel—...
Azel: ...If you're going to say things like "number one," could you please stop doing that for starters?
Emma: Stop what?
Azel: Calling me "Prince"
Azel: I'm an ordinary person now, so isn't "Prince" strange?
Emma: Why so suddenly...?
Azel: There's no deep meaning.
(The first people I loved were my brothers.)
(Those brothers don't call me "Prince")
(If you're so insistent that love isn't a curse, you should start by changing how you address me.)
(Because it makes me feel clearly loved.)
Emma: Then, how about Azel-san?
(...If possible, I'd prefer just my name...)
(No, no one else calls me that, so maybe it's better this way.)
Azel: Well, that's fine.
Azel: Emma.
Emma: W-what is it?
As usual, I pin Emma down and kiss her, never tiring of it.
Precisely because I understand that this emotion, which I can't control despite knowing logically what it is, is "real love"—
I won't admit it yet.
Azel: I don't love you, so don't misunderstand.
Emma: Hehe... You're quite stubborn. Just the way I like it.
(I won't admit it... but the hateful curse you've placed on me is too strong.)
(...What are you going to do about it, damn it?)
.
.
.
FIN
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#ikepri jp#ikemen prince#ikemen prince translations#azel radwan main route#azel radwan main story#azel radwan translations#azel radwan both endings epilogue
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Jayvik Headcanons! ٩( ᐛ )( ᐖ )۶
(You can use these for your fics, art or whatever, I don't mind! Tell me or tag me if you do though 'cause I'd love to see it/read it.)
Jayce is naturally good with kids. Viktor is awkward with them, but for some reason the kids love him. They often want touch or try his cane or ask curious questions and their parents deem it as disrespectful, but he always assures them they can and gladly lets them. He also loves to say playful lies like "Actually don't tell anybody this but I've acquired the powers to teleport. I just have to act like a normal human being among the public." Or, better yet, he tells them he's actually an alien. HOWEVER... Viktor hates newborns. He hates when he's forced to cradle them in his arms. Too much slobber, shit and vomit. You can't even talk to them and know there's some kind of understanding between you and them. Jayce, on the other hand, could have a baby shart in his arms and still be like "awww!" He also loves to play with them theatrically.
Viktor is a HUGE Doctor Who fan. It's basically all he ever watches. Jayce is more of a Holiday Movies guy or series with Comedy, Romance or both, especially soap operas, but he was once forced to watched Doctor Who and now he's hooked too.
Jayce is the only one who finds Viktor's dry and dark humor, especially directed at himself, funny. He finds it so refreshing since posh people's humor is extremely boring. Plus, he understands that Viktor would prefer making light of his bad situation to cope and it's not his place to tell him what to joke and not joke about.
Although they mostly lock in and work hard all night in the lab, the sleep deprivation makes them find ANYTHING funny. Sometimes they end up in an endless loop of laughing fits because both of them are so sleep deprived they can't properly say words anymore.
Speaking of, they probably share all their deepest secrets on a whim but don't remember anything the next day, as if they were totally drunk or something.
Also, they cover each other up if they find one of them has fallen asleep. Often times, however, Viktor finds himself magically spawning in his bed. He never thought much about it, figuring he was so exhausted he probably doesn't remember going home, when in reality it was Jayce that carried him home to make sure his body wouldn't be in pain in the morning.
When Viktor is mad at Jayce he abuses that disabled card. Sometimes he publically humiliates him by pretending he's a bad person that doesn't help his disabled friend with anything. In reality, if he tried to pick something that fell for him, he would be met with the smack of his cane.
Speaking of, acts of service is Jayce's way of flirting. He's an extrovert, but he's not confident at all. He never says his feelings first, just acts especially nice towards someone with numerous gifts, praise and help. Viktor thought he was just being ableist.
Again, speaking of, Viktor is more of a words of affirmation guy. However, when they got together, they have scheduled days within the week where Viktor HAS to accept help and be spoiled. He knows its Jayce's love language by now, so, even if he finds it condescending, he's happy to let him have those days to let it all out.
Sometimes Jayce presents Viktor a complex equation because he loves seeing him explain how to solve it. He just loves listening to him yap.
Viktor has a secret passion for astronomy. Can name you every star. Jayce has a secret passion for birdwatching. Can name you every bird. He'd also love falconry. Tbh he adores animals in general.
Viktor despises Astrology. Jayce loves it. He likes to piss him off by saying "You're acting like your sign right now."
Jayce loves pop and reggaeton, meanwhile Viktor thinks classical music is superior to anything else. He especially listens to it because it is scientifically proven it helps with focus. He hates when he wakes up in the morning to him cleaning and blasting El Taxi or something.
Viktor also loves theatre musicals. His favorites are Ride the Cyclone, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. He also loves plays like Hamlet or live orchestras.
Jayce is very good at cooking thanks to his mom's teachings. Plus he just really enjoys it. Viktor is the type who finds it a chore and eats only because he has to (he doesn't even do that most days). Jayce often brings extra food when he packs lunch so Viktor can have some too :) he also loves to cook for him.
Jayce is naturally good at dancing. Adores Just Dance and group dances (Viktor always wins Just Dance without even moving his legs). Viktor is naturally good at playing instruments. He likes to focus on what his hands can do so he can feel better about his bad leg.
Jayce loves head massages and scritches. He's a sucker for physical touch. Viktor likes to give him that while he's reading notes or a book.
Jayce is a dog person who has no problems with cats. Viktor is a cat person who kinda hates dogs since they drool all over the place and lick his face.
Viktor never cries, but when he does it's GUT wrenching because of all the bottled up emotions. Jayce, on the other hand, cries for absolutely anything, especially movies. He could see a child with their mom on a random stroll and shed tears saying "they're so happy :("
Ximena (Jayce's mom) adores Viktor. He always tells Jayce to invite him over whenever they can so he can spend less time alone and even encourages him to sleep over. She just can't bare the thought of someone's baby struggling on their own and not being taken care of.
Jayce mostly overthinks when he's trying to fall asleep. The silence is always broken by him spiraling saying things like "do you think I'm annoying?" simply for a stranger not responding after he complimented them or something. The thought of someone hating him drives him insane. He wants to be liked by everyone. People pleaser core.
#jayce talis#arcane jayce#jayce x viktor#jayvik#jayce arcane#viktor arcane#ximena talis#ximena arcane#arcane viktor#headcanon#headcanons#my headcanons#fic ideas#character headcanons#jayvik headcanons#viktor headcannons#jayce headcanons#arcane#arcane s2#arcane season 2#viktor#arcane headcanon
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Gravity falls reacting to you being a trans man
- pt 1
★★★★★★★★★★★★
Pt2
STANFORD
At first he doesn't show much interest, he is too busy with his research and adventures to pay attention to a mere detail of your life, however, over time he begins to see how important it is to you and an essential part of who you are,then decides to sit down with you to talk about it, peppering you with questions about how you found out? What are your expectations from now on? what do you want to be called? Secretly he is grateful that the world is more inclusive than it was back in his time. He probably already had contact with something similar in his interdimensional travels, which makes him more accepting. If you suffer from some kind of prejudice, he will understand you and despite not being so open with his feelings, he cares a lot about you and your safety. He will teach you how to defend yourself if necessary.
STANLEY
At first he ignores it and even teases you a little about it until Mabel get mad with him and makes him rethink his actions. After receiving a lecture on the subject he seems to start respecting you, no longer getting your pronouns wrong or correcting himself when he do such thing. When his mindset changes, get ready, he will show you "how a man should behave", after all, if you want to be... I mean, if you are a man then you need someone to teach you how to conquer the ladies and be strong ;D. He's the typical bad joke uncle so it takes him a while to adapt and learn about you instead of making his confusion with jokes, but deep down he respects and admires your courage to be who you are.
MABEL
She is super happy that you told her, after all, she already suspected and was just waiting for you to take the initiative. From the moment you tell her, she calls you by your name and correct pronouns. She takes you to choose new clothes and choose your style as soon as possible, she wants to welcome your true self and make you feel safe around her, she tries to make you interact with Dipper and her friends so that you aways feel included. She is a sweetheart, always educating those around her about the trans cause and demanding respect, and always available to talk about it. He put together a list of manly compliments to give you every time you meet.
DIPPER
Dipper was also the target of his sister's lecture on the trans cause, despite already knowing a little about the subject. From the beginning he respects you and understands your insecurities, he more than anyone knows what it's like to not feel masculine enough to be respected. He'll give you some tips he uses to feel more masculine and maybe even introduce you to the Manotaurs, but know that nothing and no one can change who you are, he and you know that you are a man and you don't need to prove it to anyone to be respected
★★★★★★★★★★★★
Author: thanks for reading! Please leave a comment if you want a transfem version or a specific character. Any feedbacks are welcome!
#gravity falls#fandom x reader#x male reader#x nb reader#fandom#character x male reader#character x trans male reader#x trans male reader#x transmasc reader#dipper pines#mabel pines#gravity falls x reader#fandom x male reader#stanford pines#stanley pines
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Then they started telling me random stories that didn't make much sense, without going into a lot of details; the stories were aimed at a narrow audience, as if I were them, I knew who they were talking about, and much more. Jokes about boards and a hut made of them, about puppies, a cat that follows my new interlocutor for days on end – all this cut off the thought, idea, about recognizing certain details for a clearer understanding of the conversation. The emotional atmosphere, friendly and inviting, prevailed.
[ … ]
A tractor was coming from the field. The puppies, in a crowd, ran under his wheels. The driver started honking his horn, slowed down, and then pulled up close to us and stood still. The door was opened by an older man; next to him sat a guy who looked to be about twenty years old. We couldn't hear much clearly over the rumble of the tractor. — What's he saying? – the woman asked me, lighting a cigarette. In response, I just shrugged my shoulders out of ignorance.
Then she came closer to them – now the dialogue was going on more or less unhindered. The girl and I, being in our starting positions, continued not to hear or understand anything. The only thing I heard in passing was how grandma pointed at the girl with the words: «This is my granddaughter» (at first, those two seemed to think that her granddaughter was me). And how she pointed at one of the puppies, saying, «You can pick it up tomorrow». It turned out to be about giving away a puppy. The guy who was also sitting in the tractor's cabin didn't say anything, but listened with great curiosity to the conversation between the two of them, and occasionally glanced at me, the girl, and the dogs.
The cabin door slammed shut, and the tractor drove towards the neighboring village of Podberezye. — Do they want to take the puppy? I ask. — Yes. He says I'll take at least tomorrow the one that threw itself under the wheels of the tractor the most. — Are they locals? Do you know them? — I don't know. No, they're not locals. — One from Podberezye. – said the girl. — No, not from Podberezye. — Or from Volkovich… — And not from Volkovich. Not local. I don't know where they come from. If they want a puppy, let them come and pick it up.
[ … ]
The sky rushed into twilight, turned pink, the light slowly disappeared. It suddenly became cold. The grandmother finished with her granddaughter, telling her finally that it was already cold now, and it would start to get dark soon – it was better to go home. They also said goodbye to me. The puppies were noticeably tired by this point.
Finally, after seeing them off, their mistress, and the village itself, the only way in front of me was to go home.
October 12, 2024; part three.
#autumn#october#cottagecore#aesthetic#photography#naturecore#nature photography#nature#nature aesthetic#cottagecore aesthetic#autumn wanderings#autumn cottagecore#autumn aesthetic#wanderings#autumn landscapes#autumn scenery#scenery#landscapes#autumn night#autumn evening#autumn dusk#autumn twilight#village dogs#rural life#rural aesthetic#rural photography#autumn moon#moon#moonlight#autumn roads
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Hola!
I know that inclusive grammar is oftentimes not set in stones.
From quick research, I understand that “elli” is one suggested gender neutral pronoun in Català. Is there an accepted inclusive definite article like “el,” “la,” outside of the confusing to speak suggestions with “x”.
It is an earnest ask as I don’t see any info online in the places I am looking.
Thank you in advance and thank you for sharing your knowledge on Catalan culture.
Hello! Thank you :D
Yes, there is. Every word (determinants, adjectives, nouns, pronouns, etc) are turned into non-binary grammatical gender by taking the feminine version and changing the gender marker -a for -i (in the case of singular) or -es for -is (in the case of plurals). Thus, the article is "li" (singular) or "lis" (plural).
I would also like to clear up a couple of minor things from the ask, I'll add the whole answer under a cut because it's a bit long.
You mentioned an "accepted" article. Accepted by who? Do you mean widely accepted by speakers, or accepted by the official institutions that regulate the standard and make dictionaries? Because those are very different questions.
Being used and understood by speakers comes first, and only after it is widespread do the academies incorporate it in their standards, dictionaries and lists. A dictionary is never a place to propose new words, only to compile the ones already part of the language. That's why academies that make dictionaries and regulate the standard, regardless of how much they want to, just can't add new things so quickly, they must wait to see if a trend really ends up becoming part of the language of if it's a short-lived trend that leaves and never takes root.
The third grammatical gender is still a recent proposal which many speakers haven't heard of, don't know how to use and don't understand (in fact, they would understand a different thing if they heard it*). For this reason, it's too soon to talk about being included by language academies. But yes, the -i ending (including elli) is the most used and most widely accepted proposal of third grammatical gender.
*replacing the vowels for the vowel "i" has always been used as a way to ridiculize a sentence, way before the -i got proposed for a non-binary grammatical gender, so people who are not familiar with this new proposal will likely interpret it as a joke.
So from now on I will answer assuming we mean what is the most widely used or socially accepted (which is what I assume you meant anyway), because as we've established it's too early to talk about being or not being accepted by official academies.
2. We are talking about third grammatical gender or non-binary grammatical gender, not gender-neutral.
In English, the singular "they" is used as a gender-neutral pronoun when we don't know the gender of the person we're talking about, but Catalan and most other Romance languages don't have this. The idea that has been proposed is a new, third grammatical gender which is neither male nor female. This third grammatical gender is used by non-binary people who prefer to use neither male nor female. But if it were gender-neutral we would use it to talk about people who aren't non-binary or for mixed grammatical genders (remember that grammatical gender does not equal human gender, the word is only a coincidence and in many cases it could be better translated as "type", "class" or "genre"), for example "there they are, the dishes and the mugs" = "allà els tenim, els plats i les tasses". We use the unmarked/masculine for that, but there's some people who also have other proposals but that's a whole other very, very long conversation.
Same goes for people, we don't use the third grammatical gender when we don't know someone's gender, unlike English this isn't part of our language. We simply tend to add the multiple options. Until now it was 2 (male and female), now it should be 3. In some other occasions, people might use the unmarked/masculine or write in reference to "person" (can be an elliptical construction that simply looks like a feminine sentence).
3. The -x.
You also mention the confusing -x. Luckily the -x is not commonly used here. It's not very useful because it's very online-only (it can't be pronounced, so it can never become part of the language more than just virtue-signaling in written form).
It's normal to have to try out different forms before finding out what will work, but we're lucky that this one never really took root because it will be easier to teach directly the new one (-i) to the broader public who isn't as invested in this.
That being said, going back to your question:
"Elli" is the personal neopronoun (equivalent to ell and ella), as you said, and the -i termination is the proposed new grammatical gender. It must be the -i because it's the only vowel in Catalan that isn't directly associated with one of the two other existing grammatical genders: -a is used for the singular feminine, -e is used for the plural feminine (as well as singular feminine in some accents), -o and -u are used for the plural unmarked/masculine. The singular unmarked/masculine grammatical gender in Catalan doesn't have an ending, so it can end in any letter (including -i). Thus, only -i is (most times) left, even though it's already used as an end in some pronouns (like "hi", meaning "there", "-li" meaning "to him" or "to her", etc). So the rule is this: for every gendered word (nouns, adjectives, pronouns, etc) just take the feminine form and in singular change the -a for -i, or in plural change the -es for -is.
The article would work the same way: li. For example:
♂️: El mestre és alt. Els mestres són alts.
♀️: La mestra és alta. Les mestres són altes.
Neo: Li mestri és alti. Lis mestris són altis.
If you want to know more details about this new proposal, there's a book called Guia gramatical de llenguatge no-binari that explains everything.
I hope this answers your question! And thank you very much for your interest.
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Did you catch the latest podcast with Steph and Ava? They absolutely crack me up! The biggest takeaway for me? They both agree that Azriel's book is next. Meanwhile, the Elriels are being suspiciously quiet about it. But hey, a clickbait piece or song by Taylor somehow holds more weight, right? 😂
Sure, Steph and Ava could be wrong, but let’s be real—neither of them is losing their minds over some random “articles” or Taylor Swift lyrics. They actually know SJM personally. I mean, whether we like it or not, they have a better insight into her than any of us do. What do you think?
I definitely think they're a lot of fun together and I agree, in terms of credible news sources I would think if there's any insider knowledge to be had, it would be Steph over a random ScreenRant journalist. That her statement "not everything is meant to be taken romantically" was possibly a message to e/riels because of how they read into everything but beyond that I am a bit divided on what Steph and Ava actually know or, what they know versus what they're saying.
To me it means something that Steph was all on the E/riel train even when she and Sarah spoke about the Az bonus chapter, where Sarah told her she was excited for her to read the crumbs she scattered. Then later, they had done an IG Live where it still seemed Steph thought E/riel was a possibility and Sarah's face seemed to fall a bit but just a short time later Steph no longer though E/riel was happening. Something like that does make me wonder if Sarah told Steph that E/riel wasn't going to be a thing because there was a noticeable shift between Lives in who she thought was ending up together.
In terms of them knowing who the next book is about, I'm not sure whether they have insider knowledge. Since Sarah kept the HOFAS crossover a secret from even Josh, it's possible she's also keeping the main pairing of the next book a secret to those around her as well. Steph and Ava do think Az is next but Steph also mentioned she felt HOFAS was needed in order to build Az up to have his own book and that seems a bit odd to me. An ACOTAR series character should not need an entirely different series in order to set him up for his own book since not every ACOTAR reader will read CC. So what happens for those readers, they buy the next ACOTAR book completely confused as to where Az's story came from when they left off with SF? What if those readers only read the series because they were able to check out the books from their local library and they have no idea that his bonus chapter exists? I think the next story has to make sense for readers who stopped at SF and are not aware of any bonus chapters or what happened in CC because despite our immersion into this fandom I don't think the majority of readers are into all things SJM the way we are. A casual reader should not be obligated to read beyond the ACOTAR books in order to pick up the next book in the series and understand what's going on and Az processing a time traveler who took his dagger when starting the next book is a bit of a stretch for where things left off in SF. Especially when CC did not actually leave us with any new and immediate threats for them to deal with. Where we left off in SF was the peace treaty, Koschei, Beron and Spring as immediate concerns (they didn't sound like things that could wait another 6-9 months so Az can first deal with his stuff) and Emerie joked the Illyrians would be in hysterics for decades (an Az storyline) meaning not an immediate concern. When the big bad starts making moves in a Sarah book, things move pretty quickly from there on out. I.e. We learned of Hyberns plans in January and the war occurred in August. I think the TOG series occurred over a year. In SF, we learned of Koschei and the Trove in September / October and SF ended in April. So I'm not sure it makes sense to have an Az book (my guess is you'd need at least 6 - 9 months for a realistic love story if he's ending up with Gwyn) then at least another 6 months for an Elain book and for us to finally see Koschei's defeat. That stretches out the Koschei / Beron plot well beyond her norm.
With that said, maybe Steph does know something but if she did, would she say it? That would be breaking the trust of Sarah and Bloomsbury. Knowing something then saying "but it's just my opinion" still kind of spills the tea if you've been forced to sign an NDA. Usually if people know secrets they avoid the topic entirely. Or maybe Steph knows something but she says the opposite to throw people off so she doesn't reveal secrets. In the podcast she also said that if Az and Elain don't end up together, she doesn't think Lucien and Elain are ending up together but that Lucien still can't have his story until Elain deals with her bond and to me that's a strange thing to say. If Elain isn't ending up with Lucien or Az then who is she sharing a book with? And how would we get an Az book, then an Elain book THEN Sarah tackles Lucien's story? How are we dividing the current plots between the three, all with three different love interests? Ava also said she couldn't remember Elain stabbing the King so again, are they just messing with us or are they just too busy with other stuff to actually dive deep into these books the same way we do? Which is completely understandable, they seem to be extremely busy with everything else they have going on, I'm just not sure how much of what they say should be written as gospel.
With all that said, I do think it's possible for Steph to know something but at the same time I'm not sure that what she's saying is her revealing the information she knows. I think it would cross a line to have insider information then share that insider information on podcasts while saying "it's just my opinion" to cover yourself.
However, she's also mentioned a few times that she tells Sarah not to spoil anything for her so I end up divided on the topic.
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Okay, my bad. Clearly I wasn't being direct enough. Let's take this step by step.
1. Nowhere in this post - this specific post - do you specify anything more than agreeing with anon, who claims 'fiction affects reality". The bans on violence etc I mention fall under the same logic that you're using to say certain topics are being "romanticized" - for instance, let's look at GTA 5, where all of the main characters are criminals who don't really have an issue with killing people. If people operated on the logic you describe, there should be a noticeable trend of young men shooting people over dumb shit or driving recklessly or a myriad other illegal acts because they did it in GTA and it was cool in-game.
2. There's a lot of assumptions being made that make the director in the first image seem problematic. First of all, lolicon isn't an exclusively sexual orientation. I know an ace guy who's a diehard lolicon. Even if it were sexual, it would be a sub-category of schediaphilia, or the love of drawings (cartoons, if you will), which naturally doesn't translate into the real world. Further, being a self-described lolicon doesn't mean the director can't make tasteful art. Speaking of, the post is too vague, so I couldn't find exactly what this is about. There doesn't seem to be a manga nor a movie called "Nobody Dies" that's relevant here. Thirdly, lots of films feature underage people. The reason you're alarmed is purely out of the misconception that lolicons even care about real girls and, further, that the director would absolutely make them film something bad.
3. Zone and Shadman aren't representative of the community and, believe you me, lolicons hate them too. Using real kids or the identity of real kids in your art is fuckin deplorable and it doesn't take a genius to understand that. It ain't the same as those soulless, identity-less drawings that look more like aliens than humans. For all I care, the day those two die, nobody will feel sorry for them.
4. Sexualizing rape has damn near always been one of the staples of romance novels aimed at women. I'm not even joking. Predictably, they still don't enjoy actually being raped or raping others. Same goes for abuse - rather, there's even more of that in those novels. Pretty sure incest is relatively common also.
Look, any topic you can really pick, I'm gonna say the same - is it happening to fictional characters that we couldn't possibly mistake for real people? Yes? Then there's no issue.
5. Is Vivz a fucking hack that would probably shrivel up like a dried grape if someone actually showed her a good story? Yes. Does she overuse themes of abuse and rape only to use them incorrectly and make a laughingstock of her characters? Sure. I have no issue flaming her and her shitty work til the end of days, especially since she got a lot of people's hopes up. The idea of a fair representation of minorities (esp based on sexual and gender orientation) in an interesting setting and with good art (the character sheets for the original designs actually look dope as hell) had people hooked immediately. It's just that Vivz fumbled the bag so hard she barely has any honest fans left. Her stupid ass art still had no effect on reality.
6. Again. The ban on violent games, just like the ban on alcohol, just like the ban on certain topics in filmography back in the 80s (I think) - you know, the whole "No alcoholism, no addiction, no bad guy winning etc" thingamabob - and your call for policing certain topics so the people don't romanticize them; those all come from the same place, use the same logic. And they're all stupid as hell.
Oh also. "Rape / murder / being bald / any other topic isn't funny" is just. Not true. You can make anything funny. In fact, laughing has evolved to be a means to allow people to come to terms with certain things. I can laugh at fat jokes despite being fat because the whole point of a (good) fat joke is actually to make me feel comfortable with the fact. Like, c'mon. Or, say, people who make Hitler jokes - they don't do it because they like Hitler, they do it to make fun of him. To make light of his atrocities not for the sake of dismissing them, but to bring people closure. The fact that you can laugh about your issues, genuinely laugh, ensures they no longer hold power over you.
I literally dare the "fiction doesn't affect reality" people/proshits (or whatever tf they want to call themselves) to say that shit to the girl who nearly died because her friends thought Slenderman was real.
This too! 👆🏾
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#ray's tag#mario#undescribed#screenshot courtesy of my dad who showed me this at dinner last night#to which as soon as i got the joke i promptly went 'that's hilarious. (tumblr would love that.) please send it to me'#dua lipa#also for those who don't understand the joke#read dua lipa's name with an italian accent: do-a leap-a
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it honestly sucks that even today in the era of LeBron/Steph being old as hell and ready to retire in a couple of years, we still gotta have talks about modern day NBA players not getting their flowers
#incoming big rant im sorry guys#i understand lebron and steph are generational talents and they 100% deserve their flowers#BUT THERE ARE SO MANY PLAYERS JUST NOT GETTING THEIR FLOWERS NOW AND IT'S LIKE. WHY?????#well i know why but im still gonna rant anyway#like have whatever opinion you want about giannis/jok/shai/ant/tatum/all the other players i did not name#they're boring or not marketable or not american enough or or or or or or or#it's like there's always some reason why they never compare#like the same old americanism of “back in the 1950's america was way better than it is now” + racism + european nationalism#i literally don't care if tatum is boring as shit or if giannis isn't american enough for y'all JUST MARKET THEM!#i don't like lebron i hiss at curry on a good day but they're still marketed to me anyway and im not the target audience#im never gonna sit down and be a lakers fan im tired of that grandpa and yet i still gotta hear about how he's wonderful#so where is that respect for the upcoming stars why do i gotta hear about giannis being traded or jok failing to carry nuggets#or tatum and brown being enemies (???) and shai being a lame and boring superstar (in america at least)#and like ant???? in minny??? it reminds me of the giannis bucks small team discourse IM SO TIRED OF THIS SHIT!#i won't even argue for toronto raptors BECAUSE THAT IS A JOKE TO ARGUE THAT THE AMERICAN NBA LEAGUE SHOULD MARKET THEM#pascal never got his damn flowers until he got to the pacers and og got no recognition so why would i ask any for scottie#he's just disrespected out there in american sports media and also the autism jokes on nba twt. fuck those ppl.#alright im done. so sorry to anyone who read this. 💀💀💀#xar's thoughts
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So... on the subject of relative age in Delicious in Dungeon and Mithrun and fandom "jokes" I've seen folks complaining about. General manga and anime spoilers for character ages and names in the manga and anime below the read more:
On the one hand, I do get that people are (or at least were, I see it less these days) mad at the "Mithrun grandpa/old man" jokes/comments because "it's just cause he's disabled" and "relatively speaking, he's the same age as Chilchuck, and no one treats Chilchuck like he's an old man/something about how Chilchuck dislikes being treated differently, mentally, for his presumed age/state of mind".
Okay, yes. Relatively speaking, sure. There's a conversation to be had about the intersection of ableism and ageism and how we often baby (in a patronizing way) disabled people and the elderly, and how we prioritize youth and treat middle-aged people like their lives are over. (And maybe something about how he has silver hair, I don't know). On a more positive note, I love that, relatively speaking, possibly by Elvish standards, Mithrun is at/near middle-age (elvish age of maturity is 80 years, their average lifespan is 400 years), because that's a fascinating bit of world-building.
...On the other hand (please rest your pitchforks momentarily), Mithrun is literally 185 years old, he is the fifth oldest cast member for characters whose age we know as of the English release of the Delicious in Dungeon World Guide: The Adventurer's Bible (after the Elf Queen, who's 372, the elder Flokes, who are in their 200s, and Milsiril, who's four years older than Mithrun), and he is the oldest member of his group of the Canaries (he's literally 103 years older than his subordinate, Pattadol, and still 39 years older than Cithis, the next oldest Canary after Mithrun). And speaking of Chilchuck, who is, yes, a married father of multiple adult children... and also 29. Mithrun has lived over six times as long as Chilchuck has. (All ages come from Delicious in Dungeon World Guide: The Adventurer's Bible; Sissel + the other Golden Country residents don't have listed ages there, though they're at least 1000 years old, and the other elves don't show up). Mithrun was in recovery after the central watchtower dungeon for longer than at least five characters have been alive.
Age chart:
Elf Queen: 372
Tansu Floke: 210
Yarn Floke: 204
Milsiril: 189
Mithrun: 185
Cithis: 149
Otta: 137
Fleki: 130
Lycion: 126
Senshi: 112
Noor: 98
Totan: 95
Pattadol: 82
Gillin: 79
Brigan: 78
Holm: 76
Fionil: 62
Namari: 61
Daya, Invar: 58
Marcille: 50
Maizuru: 41
Chilchuk: 29
Laios, Toshiro, Hien: 26
Rin: 24
Falin, Benichidori: 23
Kabru, Mikbell: 22
Zon: 21
Kaka, Kiki: 20
Kuro, Doni: 18
Izutsumi, Inutade: 17
Leed: 14
Mithrun is older than Senshi, older than Marcille, older than Kabru's entire party, including Holm and Daya, and older than the oldest human we have an established age for, Maizuru (again, the first Adventurer's Bible doesn't list the Golden Country resident ages, and Mithrun is definitely younger than them, but also they're generally minor characters except for Yaad and Delgal). He's older than Senshi's former dwarf comrades were when they died. He's also apparently older than Flamela, the vice commander of the Canaries (she's 170, at least according to the fanwiki, which is possibly going off the Complete Adventurer's Bible).
He is of course younger than Obrin, his older brother, whose age we don't know, but we do know that Mithrun is the younger brother. He is also obviously much younger than the demon.
I also find it interesting that people are jumping to the big assumption that he's middle-aged (relatively) due to... I guess just chopping the average lifespan of elves in half and assuming that's what they think middle-aged is? We know the average lifespan of elves and when they come to maturity. We do not know what elves think of Mithrun's age or what their concept of being middle-aged is, if they have one. He could be considered young by elf standards. He could be considered old. We have no idea.
Thinking about the conversation in Volume 8, Chapter 51: Dumplings 2, it's just about total/average lifespan and how near the characters are to dying by average race age, not middle age.
Chilchuck on p.37: "What's the difference between our actual ages and how old we look?"
Laios: "Well, dwarfs do live two and a half times as long as tall-men."
Chilchuck: "If our actual ages affect our looks, then... ...I'm curious about remaining life. Will we age at the same rate we did before? Or will it match our bodies now?"
They never get an answer for this. We do get rough estimates for what one race's age means to another by comparing Laios' actual age (26) to what Senshi thinks dwarf!Laios is, age-wise (his 60s), and both ages put him near but not at assumed middle-age for the respective race (for tall-men it would be 30, for dwarfs, 100), but otherwise they don't come to many conclusions about anything. They just guess and try to change back before something worse happens. Marcille doesn't even say anything in this conversation about elf culture. She just panics because half-foots live shorter lives.
I would not personally call Mithrun a grandpa and I don't particularly connect with jokes about it. By Elvish standards, and relatively speaking, he is perhaps not, arguably, old. ...But he's no spring chicken, either, despite how strong and fast he is. By the standards of most characters he is interacting with in the story, he is the oldest person in the room, by a substantial margin (heck, the age gap between Mithrun and Cithis is more years than Chilchuck has lived). That doesn't make him a grandpa, either. But I do find people getting mad about folks pointing out this literally 185-year-old being is you know... 185 years old... odd...? Especially when he's around all these by and large substantially younger people (younger people who are adults by and large!!!) for most of the story. Again, there's definitely a conversation to be had about the intersection of ageism and ableism, and how we treat people who are middle-aged as if they're elderly even when they're able-bodied, and about the way other characters in-universe treat him (though the one time I think his age is pointed out, it's about the stuff he knows, not to mock him for it; mostly people treat him badly due to his disabilities (e.g., Fleki with his aiming in chapter 55, Cithis in the Adventurer's Bible), not because of his age)... but it does feel very much like people are ignoring that he is honestly one of the oldest characters in the story, and not by dint of being the oldest youth, but because he's a character who has lived to be nearly 200 years old.
#mithrun#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#I think there's also a conversation to be had about how Flamela talks down to him#I'm not saying grandpa joke away but people ignoring that he's literally 185 years old is kind of weird to me#he's actually not exactly middle-aged#he's slightly younger than that#he is by some definitions young#but remind me when we decided people nearly 200 years old weren't by some definitions old#I think there's interesting things to explore in a character who's lived to be that old#interacting with more races who don't get to live that long but who have different experiences#than pretending he's got roughly the same amount of lived experience as someone who's lived 6x less than he has#like he was in recovery nearly as long as Kabru is alive and none of his caretakers knew to try a foot massage?#not a single one of them?#no wonder it was only Milsiril showing up that led to him having a breakthrough#kui's manga is among other things about how different races experience things differently#and take away different lessons and understandings#and have different values#and navigating those differences can be hard but is worthwhile#like with senshi and the dwarves or idk every single mixed race party#what I find fascinating about the changeling age scene is how Chilchuck DOESN'T say everyone is the same with relative age#he notes the different ways races experience aging#races in dunmeshi have different biology#and this is a core part of Marcille's character arc#she is literally terrified of her loves ones dying and hates the unfairness of different race aging processes#one thing that's important to kabru's arc and the story in general is how knowledge can be lost and hidden#especially by older races who hoard it#and how this can be abused so easily whether it's the elves or the demon#and we learn a little over midway through the story that dungeon lords can be cured or rescued because Mithrun was one and he got away
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I never said he posted pictures of P. I said she's appeared on his insta. Wether it's a picture or a video doesn't matter. And no, I don't think they run every post by Max. What I do think is that they've made an agreement on what kind of content they can post (family pictures included). If Max didn't want Kelly or P on that account do you really think he wouldn't have said something about it? He's essentially the boss. And tbh, it's none of your, or anyone else's, business what kind of content Max, Kelly or his business accounts decide to post.
I also really don't understand what you're trying to say about the Kelly pictures and them not using pictures from his mom and sister's insta. Is this one of those 'Kelly runs every Max account' theories or?
Did I forget about Crane's joke? What joke? I've heard a million jokes on the Redline stream. I guess there's some outrage over one of the jokes? Sorry, but I don't care. I take their remarks for what they are: banter. And if on the endless hours of streams they made one remark that people don't agree with, who cares? Everyone will say something stupid at some point if you put a mic on them for hours and hours over a period of years. I really can't be bothered with that.
Take the streams for what they are: a bit of extra entertainment that we should be lucky to have and like I said, that no other F1 fanbase gets to have. And if people start getting outraged over jokes on a regular basis and start complaining about everything then I'm sure we won't have those streams in the future (which is something Crane mentioned as well when people started getting outraged over the livery during the charity race).
Team Redline's broadcast is getting harder and harder to watch. They love to brag about the number of views and subscribers, but they don't treat this audience well. They: team redline and verstappen.com (instagram and TikTok), should reformulate strategies,have poor engagement because they don't know how to create a bond with the public.
Verstappen com Instagram looks like his girlfriend's page (they shouldn't post photos of Penelope on that page), because they keep posting repeated photos from Kelly's Instagram. And don't post Max's nephews using their products, but they do post pictures of him with Penelope (something he doesn't do on his profile)
small rant, I just wish it was better managed so that all Max fans could have more interaction
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why didn't charlie call claire "luv". why didn't he throw out a casual luv at his friends. he's a northerner what else is he good for
#i dunno if americans understand this but#being from the north makes charlie so great#it just suits him so well. like it adds to his character#suffering is part of his cultural identity. did you know that?#suffering. and kicking and screaming for validation. begging an unkind world for recognition#a deep desperate ache to be useful!!! to add something. anything. to this world#in a culture revolving around manual labour he was obsessed with making art#do you get that?? do you understand what im saying??#being from manchester adds texture to charlie#(for those who don't know: manchester is an industrial hell city that near every manc wants to escape)#it's an american show (and a lot of americans don't even get the north south thing anyways) so they obvs never touch on it#but its there. subtextually. woven in thru dom's beautiful husky accent. the brick dust in his veins#and charlie screaming at the world ''TELL ME I MATTER!!!''#[looks at the tags] whoa what happened here#been thinking about north vs south england classism AND abc's lost lately so i latched onto charlie. also i love charlie#on the topic of classism: charles widmore would be disgusted that his grandson was named after charlie. and i adoooore that#so yeah the last sentence of my post was a joke. i respect the fuck outta northerners#but also charlie shoulda said luv <3
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This is Elmike canon dynamic btw!
#Mike and El wouldn't be those kind of close friends who joke with each other and tease each other' they would be tho at least El would#'what you don't like it ?' 'no' 'what am I a dog?' 'yes' she's so funny#Like I don't understand why some are so against this idea they could be such besties#Also unpopular opinion but some bylers give this dynamic where Will is kinda mean in a teasing and non serios way with Mike#Kinda similar to the madwheeler dynamic?#And honestly I think this is more in character with the El and Mike dynamic#The only time we've seen Will act like this with Mike was in s3 and it was usually related to his relationship with El#and Will was jealous as hell so...#En fin#elmike#platonic elmike
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we have been having really poor self esteem and frankly just a poor mental state lately and i don't know how to even approach it like. okay. we got out of those house, we came back home, we're back at university. we should be doing better. but we're not, we're just not. we're using substances to a greater degree than we ever have before, we're pathetically lonely, our self esteem is a flimsy roller coaster. i just feel stuck because we can't tell ourself anymore "just wait until the fall, it'll be fine in the fall" because the fall has come and we are doing badly
#vent#we're kind of in that state where we're not suicidal but also we can't shake the feeling that if we did disappear one day#only a few people would notice and they wouldn't mourn very long. that sort of thing.#we were trying so hard not to cry on the bus earlier because our friend is just so much cooler and more capable than us and it just makes u#think of how autistic and incompetent and stupid we are. and we don't understand what he gets out of being friends with us. we feel like a#stupid dumb sidekick and we're anxious that he's gonna realize that and then we're gonna be even lonelier than we are now.#and the body's dad earlier made a joke about us not having friends and it really stung and he apologized for it once we told him not to mak#those kinds of jokes but i'm crying as i type about it now. we're just so stupidly lonely. and even when we do make friends we can't help#but be the lesser one. the friend that walks behind the other on a crowded sidewalk. the friend that's always thought of second. the one wh#isn't as smart or capable or fun. i don't know why anyone bothers to be friends with us. i think if we didn't reach out to people first the#nobody would do it for us. i think that if we just stopped messaging people one day it would take a while before anyone notices anything#and longer before they did anything about it. if they decided to at all.#we're some stupid kid who needs to be told not to look at strangers yelling in public and whose stupidly naive and optimistic and i don't#know how we ever think anything else of ourselfves.
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not to be that guy but saying you hate all usamericans and wish us the absolute worst because of the actions of a select few is in fact not a very nice thing to say
#goes along with those assholes who make jokes wishing for kids to die in school shootings#or are blatantly fatphobic#like yes i agree the u.s.a has MANY issues i don't want to live here i hate our fucked up government#but like. why are we suddenly wishing death upon everyone here ??? why do we think all usamericans are bigoted self centered assholes??#(and also why do we associate that with being fat. but i digress)#criticize the actions of the u.s. all you want but do understand that there are some things that are completely out of its citizens' control#-and you really don't need to lump us all together and act like we're all unforgiveable assholes#bee.txt
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Watching the death note musical and man, I just want to give Light some tea and terrible unlicenced therapy.
#like. no i don't agree with him#but also i completely understand the mindset#fundamentally he's a disillusioned teenager who wants any way to fix what he sees#(and to do something exceptional and full of meaning instead of what he sees as a bland and empty existence)#and then he's handed a notebook that can kill people#because it happened to be him - in particular - of course it turned out that way#it's tragic#it makes you wish you could help him#and imo he's not very emotionally mature. A lot of his issues remind me of me at 14#the guy was probably already tumbling headfirst into a mental health crisis#and you can absolutely cherry pick things he said and thought that make him seem like an absolute monster#and he definitely has lots of those traits that he Isn't Aware Of. but that's like. part of why you'd want to help him#and i feel like a lot of what L did was bring those traits out into the open for light#of course neither of them thought it was particularily wrong and the task force didn't pick up on it#but i think that's where some of the hatred comes from. not just that he's trying to stop Light#but also that he can see Light and is making Light aware of aspects of himself he'd rather not be#(insert homosexuality joke here even though that's not what I'm talking about)#remember that Light has been 'perfect' his entire life.#And everyone has said a million times over that the fact L sees him contributes to the weird sort of closeness they have#and why Light is so lonely after L's death#anyways all I'm saying is that it's tragic and while i doubt anything i could do would change it it makes me wish i could try#i love making fun of and criticizing Light as much as the next guy#but I guess today my brain decided to access the special Death Note Emotions
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