#also for the record i don't cry at things very much
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sherlock-is-ace · 2 months ago
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#idk if it's because i've given autism a very in depth look now or if i just always been like this and never really thought about it#but i'm finding it harder and harder to match my feelings to what i guess i'm supposed to feel?#like when something sad happens and i have no reaction to it#it's not that i'm not sad or that i'm glad it's happening but i just have no feelings?#which in turn bring put feelings of guilt because i'm not sad or worried enough...#it's such a weird experience and i'm of course not saying that autistic people have no feelings#that's so not what i'm saying#but it is a trait of autism to have difficulty pinpointing what you feel and also difficulty expressing it in ways other people usually doit#so perhaps it is because i've learned about that that I'm accepting that maybe i just don't feel things ''the normal way''#but i'm having a weird one tonight because my mom had to leave because of an emergency with my grandma#and it's 1am right now#and i am worried. of course i am. I don't want my grandma to suffer (although i have accepted she's not gonna live much longer)#but i still don't want her to die obviously#and most importantly I don't want my mom to have to go through that... to see her mother die? that's horrible#i'm obviously sad and worried#yet i'm sitting here drinking coffee and laughing at funny videos like nothing's happening#and i feel fine... like as if my mom was just sleeping at home like every night and not at a hospital visiting her dying mother...#and i know that years back i would have gone ''what the fuck is wrong with me?!'' and perhaps maybe forced myself to feel worse#or to cry or whatever because I can't be chill when something bad is happening...#and maybe i'll feel that way when my mom is back because I can't be calm and happy is she's sad#that would be rubbing it in her face#so maybe i'll feel more guilty then?#idk it's a weird feeling that i wanted to put into words#mostly for when it happens again i'll have a record of it somewhere#idk#angel talks#personal
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thedreadvampy · 2 years ago
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aaaaaaaaaaa work is so overwhelming just now I feel like my brain may explode
#red said#i can't tell if i have too much to do or if I'm just being disorganised in doing it!!!!!!#but i was meant to have a full data report done by tomorrow and i haven't found more than 20 straight minutes this week to look at it#the new boss keeps ASKING ME THINGS and ASKING ME TO DO THINGS#and the fucking. readability argument filled up SO MUCH of Monday and Tuesday with both back and forth and silent seethe#i have to be in all her meetings and she's sending me a bazillion things for social media#and my colleague's off on leave so I'm picking up his social channels too except I'm NOT cause i don't know what to PUT on them#need to put together a new video ad by next Friday#need to do like 5 more blogs#and the staff newsletter! gotta get that out by lunchtime!!!! haven't started it!!!!!!!#3 meetings today. gotta do vo recording tomorrow. and both today and tomorrow are short days#cause i have therapy today and I'm taking kofi for a Birthday Treat tomorrow afternoon so i gotta knock off at 12:30#it's all very well to say work to live not live to work AND I DO but the expectations remain!!!!!!#and i feel like I'm failing and being lazy if i can't easily do everything that's asked of me. is my problem.#it's very important to have a manager who understands that their job with me isn't too drive me forwards#but to manage the amount of work that hours my desk because I WILL try to do all of it and i WILL usually manage#but it will absolutely fuck me long term#crying wailing i miss my manager 😭 10 months!!!! come back!!!!!!!#we don't always have the most idyllic work relationship but she knows me very well and i trust her to help not hinder with my stress levels#and also like if i tell her i am spiralling like this she would always help me prioritise#but i don't yet know or trust the mat cover well enough to talk to her about overwhelm. and i feel the need to establish myself first.#like I gotta prove that I'm hardworking and reliable and that when i say i can't cope i mean it and I'm not trying to dodge work#which. boy. working life as a disabled person sure does colour your thinking huh.#gotta first prove I'm EXCEPTIONALLY committed and hardworking and Good At Job BEFORE i can allow myself to struggle
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undying-love · 3 months ago
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Paul's grief over time: A Compilation
“During the session [in 1981] Paul fell into a lugubrious mood. He said, ‘I’ve just realized that John is gone. John’s gone. He’s dead and he is not coming back.’ And he looked completely dismayed, like shocked at something that had just hit him. ‘Well, it’s been a few weeks now.’ He said, ‘I know, Eric, but I’ve just realized." (Eric Stewart)
“It’s still weird even to say, ‘before he died’. I still can’t come to terms with that. I still don’t believe it. It’s like, you know, those dreams you have, where he’s alive; then you wake up and… 'Oh’.” (Paul, 1986)
"Occasionally, it wells up. Y'know, and I'm at home on the weekend suddenly and I start thinking about him or talking to the kids about him and I can't handle it." (Paul, 1987)
"Is there a record you like to put on just to hear John’s voice?" I ask Paul the next day. Paul looks startled. He fumbles. “Oh, uh. There’s so much of it. I hear it on the car radio when I’m driving.” No, that’s not what I mean", I persist. "Isn’t there a time when you just wish you could talk to John, when you’d like to hear his voice again?" For some reason, he instead responds to the original question.“Oh sure,” he says and looks a little taken aback. ‘Beautiful Boy". (1990)
"Also not obvious is that McCartney [for the Liverpool Oratorio] has penned a gorgeous black-spiritual-like piece for mezzo-soprano that intones the last words spoken to John Lennon as he lay dying of gunshot wounds in the back of a New York police car -- "Do you know who you are?" McCartney gets a bit choked up at one point when he reveals, "Not a day goes by when I don't think of John.” (1991)
"Delicious boy, delicious broth of a boy. He was a lovely guy, you know. And it gets sadder and sadder to be saying “was”. Nearer to when he died I couldn’t believe I was saying “was”, but now I do believe I’m saying “was”. I’ve resisted it. I’ve tried to pretend he didn’t get killed." (Paul, 1995)
"Paul talked about John a a lot, but the strange thing was that it was in the present tense, “John says this" or "John thinks that. Very weird." (Peter Cox, 2006)
“John Lennon was shot dead in 1980. That totally knocked dad for six. I haven’t really spoken to him a lot about it because it is such a touchy subject." (James McCartney, 2013)
"It's very difficult for me and I, occasionally, will have thoughts and sort of say: "I don't know why I don't just break down crying every day? […] You know, I don't know how I would have dealt with it because I don't think I've dealt with it very well. In a way… I wouldn't be surprised if a psychiatrist would sort of find out that I'm slightly in denial, because it's too much." (Paul, 2020)
"Like any bereavement, the only way out is to remember how good it was with John. Because I can't get over the senseless act. I can't think about it. I'm sure it's some form of denial. But denial is the only way that I can deal with it." (Paul, 2020)
"When I talked to Paul about John and when he missed John most, he couldn't answer me for a long time and his eyes teared up. And I asked him where he thinks about John and when John comes into his mind and he just … he lost it, he completely lost it." (Bob Spitz, 2021)
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The following two are from the gossip website Datalounge, so they may or may not be true. Still interesting though:
"The one time I was ever actually in a room with Paul, zillion people between me and him (and no way I'm gonna bother him, all of us who travel in celeb circles have people we're fans of and all of us inexplicably try to hide it to seem "cooler"), he started talking loudly about himself and John, and how hard it was not to have him there. I remember him saying something along the lines of not a day passing that John's not still in it with him, but it's not like he can pick up a phone and say, "Hey, just needed to hear your voice today," and even when he got craggy responses, he still missed them. He misses it all, and it's bothering to him that he misses him more as time goes on -- it doesn't heal, he just learns new ways to bandage the wound."
“Since everyone is anonymous here, I guess I can give a bit of info I got from a female friend of mine who at one time worked as one of Paul’s assistants. [...] She does not know for certain if John and Paul were involved but she suspects it since to this day whenever John’s name is brought up he acts in her words ‘like a widow’ and he also addresses John in present tense. He would say things like, ‘John thinks that the music should be like this,’ and during his bitter divorce from Heather he was saying, ‘John says that this is getting nasty.’ Kind of creepy." (this one actually seems very intriguing because it sounds very similar to what Peter Cox said, about Paul often talking about John in the present tense, saying "John says.." or "John thinks...")
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acid-ixx · 5 months ago
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Dear author,
I love your batfam series SO MUCH. I like the way you describe the feelings, how you use the words, how the depression of Y/N was shown, and the thinking of Batfam when they realize that Y/N had been heavily neglectful. Every time I read this series again, I still feel the hurtful of it and it actually makes me cry a lot T.T. And I love that feeling. And the series makes me want to draw, even though I’m not good at drawing.
The first panel, I draw Y/N in my thoughts ( sorry if you feel uncomfortable) and Conner. This one is inspired from a manga called “ Veil”.
The second one, I draw some scenes from chapter 3 (I tried to draw the ways Y/N calmed themselves down, but I couldn’t 😭).
From your series, I’ve thought about ABO au, where Y/N is a beta, they can’t be marked ; so the yanderes ( romantic one) are more yandere, because they know that Y/N never belong to anyone.
Last thing to say, I VERY VERY VERY LOVE your batfam series and this is one of the greatest fics of Batfam I’ve ever read. I also very admire your hardworking and your inspiration about this series. But I hope that you also stay healthy because I saw that you’re very productive ( how you can write so fast but still focus on the details TvT). No words can reveal the love in my heart to your series.
Sorry if I either bother you or my bad grammar ( English not my native language, this is also the first time I do this ). Thank you so much because spending your time reading this piece of mine. I just want to express my feelings and thoughts about your fic. Hope you have a good day!!!<333333
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— masterlist !
a/n: the topic of a/b/o is written under this post. anyways, this comic panel is so absolutely brilliant and breathtaking omg... i love all the thoughts u have compiled here and i'm so sorry I wasn't able to reply to this quick enough 😭 but i appreciate this sm !! "even tho im not good at drawing" YET U SENT ME THIS !! i absolutely love everything about this don't say ur not good at drawing bec u are 😡
so like i said, don't be sorry if u draw the reader as female bec i portrayed them as gn so anyone can interpret them as any gender and it doesn't make me uncomfortable at all as long as i'm the one not being misgendered. anyways, veil is actually one of my fave mangas and if u ask me, i could say your relationship with conner is pretty much akin to that of veil's! which means conner is very touchy-feely with you and is uncaring of their status as a wayne and would rather... have you take his last name very soon, if you know what i mean hehe.
the second scene is absolutely heartbreaking even for me, especially the panel where your mom tries to comfort you by telling you it's all alright made my heart ache real badly because that's probably the last time you have experienced; the love of a parent that's soon taken away from you. your mom's last words would be reassurance, one that both comforts and disturbs you as the memory repeats itself over and over in you head like a broken record </3
and the abo au, for me personally (tho i never have written for it) is just going to threaten more angst with your family because not even your pack is willing to take you in and care for you. despite your hopes due to being a beta unlike your family who are comprised of strong alphas and resilient omegas, you are merely average in their eyes probably, average enough to be forgotten and discarded by a pack you had thought would take you in for you must be a misfit just like them.
yet despite the pain you had to endure for feeling unloved as a beta, it would also deepen your potential with conner as your love interest because although you could never be claimed by any past sweethearts, conner would always, and i mean always make a show that he loves you in a deeper, more symbolical way. he may not be able to mark you as your alpha, but a ring and an always protective hold on your waist paired with his scent and pheromones engraved into every piece of your clothing is enough to tell everyone to "fuck off, this one's mine."
and tysm for loving my fanfic 😭 even tho i have written it impulsively, look where it got now !! yes i am very productive but this is a mere product of my attention span and hyperfixations towards the dc storyline and no my health is very bad but trust me it's not from writing, it's more from me just being very ill every single day but im trying to take care of myself <33
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songbirdseung · 7 months ago
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dwba / yang jungwon
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synopsis: you keep listening to the same song, making your boyfriend very concerned and worried that you are trying to say something, jungwon version for @laylasbunbunny
pairing: yang jungwon x reader, established relationship
warnings: a little angsty, crying, relationship troubles, hint of breakups
wc: 948
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Everyone perceived you and Jungwon to be the picture-perfect couple, bound to last forever, and a match made in heaven. With the way you two handle issues and conflict maturely and go through life, hand in hand, side by side. It was weird for the rest of Enhypen to walk into the dorm, being met with a stressed Jungwon sitting on the couch with his face in his hands.
A week ago, you and Jungwon fell into a misunderstanding. Unlike solving it like you both usually do, this time; things were just to heavy and needed to be thought upon before making any decisions that you both might regret.
By doing so, in your self loathing time; you were indulging and basking in the moment that you don't get to experience so often, you play music to accompany you, alongside with your tears and dirty tissues.
"The lyrics are 'So, I take my time to self-soothe', not self loathing"
Placing down a new tissue box for you, your sister also offers a shoulder to cry on. The assumption that you had of you crying silently was wrong, since your sister told you how she could hear you sobbing from outside the house. An exaggeration just to hopefully get you to laugh.
While it did get you to chuckle, a few block down, your boyfriend was not.
Jungwon just got back from a busy day filled with dance practices, recordings, and content filming. But not having to be in contact with you for over a week, distracted his senses and or mind to even realize that his body was in total fatigue.
Now, sitting on the couch, regretting the decision to allow you both to sit this one out and to not fix it right away. Slumping on the couch, thinking why on earth did he agree that it was the right idea to let you out of his sight. Sluggishly reaching over to his bag and fetching out his phone to open the contacts, he's hesitant to call you.
After a few minutes, he still in the same position, has yet to call you or even get up to wash up and rest to repeat the same day tomorrow.
His thoughts were interrupted for a second when he heard the door open, but immediately went back to the depths of regret. His members slowly make their way inside, spotting the young one.
"Jungwon? you good?" Jake inquires as he steps closer to the couch, standing behind Jungwon, patting him on the head.
"Does he look good to you, idiot?" A chuckle follows after Jay replies to Jake's not so smart question. The rest follows pursuit except Jungwon. Once they realized that, they finally understood that this was serious. They all huddle up on the couch and try to talk some sense into their leader.
Soon later, with enough convincing, Jungwon is up and running to your place. Flowers in hand with your favorite snacks in a bag. Eventually with successfully saving himself from tripping over things, he's at your door, hopeful that he'll succeed again with fixing things with you.
He knocks on the door and your sister opens the door. She offers him a small smile, a hug with a good luck. Giving him a little more confidence that he needed. He makes his way upstairs to your room and from outside the door, he hears your sweet voice that he missed so much. He loves to hear you sing and he always jokes how you could steal his job. But this time, he isn't that pleased to hear you sing lyrics that are making him question that you hate him at this point.
He stands there, in denial. As he hears you sing the next song. He's thinking how the titles and message of the songs casually just goes along with the predicament you both are in with your relationship.
I don't wanna fuck with your head It's breaking my heart To keep breaking yours again
Taking in a deep breath and exhaling, he takes hold of the doorknob and slowly opens the door. Being met by your back facing him as you sit on your bed with your speaker blasting 'Don't Want to Break up Again' by Ariana Grande. You don't even notice the new presence in your room as you switch the song after it ended.
If the sun refused to shine Baby, would I still be your lover? Would you want me there?
Again, he loves you singing but as you sing along to the lyrics with tears streaming down your face, he's not the happiest guy right now.
"Yes, you'll always be my lover" finally mustered up the courage to interrupt your mini concert to your plushies. You wipe your eyes, making sure that you're not hallucinating and Jungwon was actually sitting down next to you. "Are your songs trying to tell me something?" He jokes while cleaning up your face, wiping away the tears that can't seem to stop from flowing out your eyes.
After calming down a little, you explain how you were just in your feels and wanted to sing the pain away. Jungwon nods but couldn't help to call you dramatic in a joking manner, no harm intended whatsoever. You nudge him and rebuttal.
"For a second there I thought you were gonna break up with me"
Taken a back, you start asking him why you would ever end the relationship that you loved being in for almost 2 years now. He replies with how your music choice is making uneasy.
"Oh, you don't listen to sad songs when you're sad?"
"No, cause Ni-ki would make fun of me"
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letteredlettered · 3 months ago
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Hi! I would love to read a JC and WWX post and how it is diff from what you’ve seen in western media!
I'd already started writing a JC post, so I wrapped that in to answer your question.
I follow a few JC fans so I see the backlash to the haters more than I see any haters, but apparently there’s some question in some people’s mind about whether Jiang Cheng loves Wei Wuxian, and I find that a little silly. That said, I think that to understand MDZS’s JC at all, you cannot just read the surface, so if you’re not thinking about him as a person or giving him any consideration beyond what other characters say and think of him, you’re not doing him justice. You’re also not going to see that he loves WWX and also loves several other people quite deeply, because a) JC's never going to be affectionate in his dialogue, b) JC's not going to even be affectionate in his body language or minor actions, and c) WWX, the main viewpoint character, is never once going to think about whether JC likes him or loves him.
Lots of posts have outlined better than I will how deeply loves not only WWX, but also his family, in particular JL. The short version is: JC’s his major flaws are all related to him loving his parents and getting shown very little affection in return—none at all from his father and only some in a backhanded way from his mother, usually in comparison to WWX.
As for Jin Ling, JC threatens him all the time, and even shoves him around a bit, but Jin Ling obviously adores JC and feels adored. JC is the one Jin Ling goes to when he's crying; JC is also the one who leaps to JL's side when JL is hurt. JL knows he's in trouble with JC when JL does something unsafe, but JL knows that his own safety is the most important thing in JC's life. Tellingly, JL rarely takes any of JC's threats seriously, and even tells other people said threats are bogus.
Then there’s WWX. Even while JC is berating WWX endlessly for making their clan look bad, he is literally carrying around WWX on his back. He is protecting WWX with everything he has. He sacrifices himself to the Wens to WWX won't get caught. After their falling out, after WWX lied to him for years and got their sister killed, JC still can't even stop himself from protecting WWX when WWX might get hurt by JGY's guqin string.
The guy is willing to throw himself on the fire for anyone he loves. Just heaven forbid he express any of it. But because he does not express love through speech, Wei Wuxian (who I will point out is a talker) doesn't understand this about Jiang Cheng—and this is shown to be a consistent flaw that WWX has. He also does not understand that LWJ is in love with him, despite LWJ defying all of society to follow him around and lift him onto donkeys whenever WWX gets droopy.
But I'd add the pretty much no one, other than Jin Ling, understands this about Jiang Cheng. If the cultivation world had understood JC, they would not have believed that JC and WWX had actually had a falling out. Part of the reason people don't know him is the same reason JC has such a terrible time with everything—WWX steals everyone's attention, praise, and fear wherever they go. No one is really looking at JC to admire his devotion or his loyalty, because WWX is there, doing it better than him, always. Imagine LWJ+WWX hadn’t defeated the Tortoise of Slaughter and had just been holed up in that cave for six days. All anyone would’ve talked about was how deeply JC must love his shixiong to make it back in such record time. It would all be “heroic rescue” this “unflagging loyalty” that. But instead, LWJ+WWX  had to really just steal the limelight.
In fact, the book is partly about the fact that people don't analyze people's actions too deeply. They believe what they hear. They believe what they want to believe. JC really can just say "I reject WWX" and they believe it. JGS can really just say "WWX is evil" and they believe it. Everybody says LWJ is perfect, so they believe he can't be a cut-sleeve who is in love with WWX. And WWX, who knows better than anyone that rumors aren't true, believes it too.
Even after WWX's death, JC's reputation is locked onto WWX. I do think this is JC’s own fault, given that he can’t accept his brother’s death and is obsessed with him but idk. Canon demonstrates that there’s a huge difference between what JC says he’ll do if he finds WWX and what JC actually does, and it’s not because LWJ is in the way. But no one really seems to pay attention to the difference between what JC says and what he actually does when the chips are down, except JL, so it’s no wonder everyone says he has torture dungeons, no matter how ludicrous that is.
I think what makes JC’s love for WWX particularly complex, and particularly incomprehensible in the eyes of the cultivation world, is WWX's position in JC's family. JC thought of WWX as a brother. He loved him like a brother. And yet JC was deeply aware that WWX wasn't his brother. JC's mom made sure that JC was deeply aware of that at all times, and you know what, so did his dad. And then, the rest of the cultivation world constantly talked about the fact that WWX was not a part of the family, that the Jiang Clan raised him like a son but he was really the son of a servant. MXTX expertly shows that this fact gets trotted out whenever WWX does something questionable--when WWX is brilliant, he's a lauded member of the clan, but when he is bad, he is of low-birth and adopted through charity. The truth is, it’s an unusual relationship for a world in which there’s a pretty big different between your clan (blood relatives) and sect.
How can JC hold both of these truths in his head? What makes it bearable for JC is that when they grow up, JC will be the Sect Leader and WWX will be his right-hand man; they will do everything together; they will be brilliant together; they never have to worry about blood or debt then, because then it won't matter whether they're brothers or best friends; the difference won't matter. They can both be the head of a family that they love. Except that doesn't happen.
JC’s parents die, and WWX disappears. I will, at this point in my understanding and credit to Jiang Cheng, say that the part about JC I find hardest to swallow is that he partially blames his parents' death on WWX. Yes, WWX stayed behind in the cave of the Tortoise of Slaughter to save LWJ, and yes, this meant that Wen Chao and WLJ have a particular grudge against him, which they use as partial excuse to attack Lotus Pier, but by god, that's a stretch. Lotus Pier would have been attacked anyway, and the fact that JC even partly blames the attack on WWX has far more to do with what his mom said about WWX showing off for the glory and bringing down the wrath of the Wens than it has to do with reality. YZY is going to say anything she can about how WWX being a hero with the Tortoise of Slaughter was actually a bad thing, because it's so fucking painful for her that WWX is a fucking legend when her son just . . . isn't.
As JGY points out, they were in fact the strongest sect once WWX comes back from the Burial Mounds and fights the Sunshot Campaign with JC. They could have been the power couple of JC’s dreams, but just as YZY pits JC against WWX, the cultivation world after the war pitted WWX against themselves and by extension, JC, and JC buys into it. I find this super understandable, and I think it’s pretty unfair to expect JC to be more understanding of WWX, given that WWX is constantly lying to him. Similarly, I think it’s pretty understandable that he doesn’t understand the plight of the Wens, given that WWX doesn’t explain it to him at all. From JC’s POV, WWX just leaves, at a time when JC really needs him, and he does it on a crusade for unrelated people—as though he never considered himself part of the family in the first place.
And you know what, that may be WWX’s POV too. He loves the Jiang family like his own family, but he’s also deeply aware that he is not blood. MXTX makes it very clear in canon that WWX felt that he owed the Jiang Clan, and not in the way you owe a family. That is—he doesn’t owe them his existence, but he thinks he does owe them his core and his cultivation. And he gives it all to JC.
I outlined above that the relationship between JC and WWX is unusual in the cultivation world given that they each feel like the other is family but are consistently reminded of the fact, and pressured to believe, that they are only sect siblings and that WWX is actually a subordinate. I also haven’t found many relationships like this in other media—though I’ll point out once again that my experience is mainly with western media. I think the closest things I can think of are stories in which the parties are of a different class but are raised together for whatever reason—because they actually are somewhat related but one of them has low class relatives, or because they were not as well-supervised in their youth but  one of them suddenly comes into money and is forced to leave his low-class BFF behind, etc.
Given that this relationship is unusual, you don’t see a lot of situations like WWX’s, in which WWX feels like he owes the Jiang family his golden core and then gives it to him. But there’s another element to this sacrifice that I’ve only seen in one other piece of media, and that’s the fact that WWX knows that JC can’t live without being special, and WWX thinks he can handle it.
There is so much in western media about brothers giving up their lives to protect their brothers (Supernatural), or even just giving up their dreams and ambitions so that their brother can follow his own dreams instead (It’s a Wonderful Life). But these sacrifices are always framed as “I love him so much,” or “It’s my duty” or “I couldn’t live with myself if he didn’t get what he wanted” and sometimes even, “I can handle the suffering and I don’t want him to live with it.” But there’s something about WWX’s “eh it’s not a big deal to me  and it is to him” or his “bro’s kinda petty and can’t get over himself, whatchu gonna do” that feels stupidly singular.
WWX never says it isn’t a big deal. He never said that it didn’t hurt or that he didn’t make a sacrifice. He never said JC was pathetic or a loser or anything that diminishes JC or makes him less than he is. What he says is that JC is always competitive and comparing himself to others, which is true. But the other sacrifices in fiction that come close are a little more “I don’t want you to have to suffer” or even “I’m strong, and you’re weak, so I’ll take on this burden for you.” Meanwhile WWX doesn’t think JC is weak, and while WWX doesn’t want to suffer, he certainly doesn’t want to suffer himself. The sentiment feels closer to “you need to feel special so I’ll make that happen for you,” and there’s something about it that is a little condescending.
I mentioned that I’ve only seen this kind of thing one other time, and it was in a baseball anime called Touch that aired in Japan in the 1980s. Touch is a story about twins, one of whom is smart, talented, and works hard. The other twin, Tatsuya, is good in school and good at baseball, but at first seems like a lazy guy who only cares about joking around and having fun. Then you find out he’s a genius and a one-in-a-lifetime talent, but just never bothered to focus on anything because he’s so stupidly good at everything that he would just show his brother up, and his brother cares about excelling and Tatsuya doesn’t, so he just…was careful to never apply himself to anything.
WWX isn’t Tatsuya, in that when they’re on an even playing field, WWX doesn’t really seem to have any compunctions about showing off. But as soon as the playing field becomes uneven, he also has no compunctions about destroying himself so that JC’s competitive spirit is satisfied. There’s something about it that has a flavor of “I’m better than you,” even if it’s never what WWX meant to communicate. No wonder JC feels like a clown.
Like, in the end, WWX kind of did make a fool of JC, even though WWX did it out of both love and loyalty. I'm not sure I've ever read or seen anything else where such a sacrifice has such ambiguity, and it really makes the WWX+JC relationship one of the most complicated I've seen.
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ilylovelyz · 1 year ago
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Me Quiero Enamorar.
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pair : bakugou x afab!reader
warning(s) : just soft, soft baku soft baku, loving sex, a lil angsty, hospital sex?, semi-public sex, mentions of injuries, biting, unprotected sex, hair pulling, this is more fluff than smut 😭
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bakugou wants many things. he wants to be #1. he wants to be the best. he wants to do, be and have many things. but one of the things he wants the most, is you. bakugou loves you dearly. although he's not very upfront with how deep his love is for you, his love is everlasting and sincere. he's had many girlfriends before, but you're different. you can actually put up with his ego and intolerant attitude with a laugh, not wasting a second to insult him back.
no, you're so much more different than that. you're genuine, you're not fake and "all smiles," like some of these chumps claim to be. you wear your emotions on your sleeve, and never hesitate to say it how it is. he used to be annoyed by how emotional and bratty you are, but now, boy, does he really admire you for it. it's not something he can easily do, he'd rather die than cry in front of an audience, but you do it so easily it's like second nature.
you're different, because you love him. you love him for who he is. you don't try to conform or change him, nor do you ever get scared of his random tantrums and odd behaviors. you actually hear him out during one of his long rants, even if you disagree. what he loves most is that you're upfront when you don't like something, but you're not necessarily pushy with it either. you simply inform him why you disagree with something he's said. god, does that "nerdy" aspect of your personality lead to many deep conversations late in the night.
you're different, because he loves you so much, sometimes he's afraid to loose you. it's a worry that has him thinking late at night. his fingers are mindlessly twirling your soft locks in his hair, eyes staring at nothing at in particular. what if one day you'd leave him because of his own flaws? he'd never admit those thoughts, but somehow you find out either way. you'd take his cheeks into your palms, gently holding him like he's fine china, like he's the one who would cry any minute.
"don't be so silly. if i can handle these bastards, then i can certainly handle you."
oh, how earlier you were a feet away from death's door. such a big statement from a small fragile girl from you. he should've known he'd have to take your words with a grain of salt, as of now, you're laying in a hospital bed with bandages covering 60% of your body.
he mindlessly kisses the back of your hands, gently holding your hands in his own. he's also injured, but that doesn't matter, you're what matters to him. all he wants to hear right now is that you'll be okay, and that you're going to walk out of this hospital with him eventually. even though you are reassuring him with the little strength you have, the ghostly grip your hands can muster has him maybe not taking you seriously.
"'katsu'.." you rasped, bandaged hand coming up to the swell of his cheek. the low eyes he's fronting has you knowing what he's thinking. he's quiet, almost having not said a word in a record-time of 10 minutes. his face is relaxed, almost showing no emotion at all. you take this opportunity to focus on the small details of his face. it's almost unfair, a boy like him shouldn't have such perfect skin.
like a cat, he leans into your hand, seeking the warmth of your body. the soft illumination of the moon is the only light you have. he snuck out to your room, after all the nurses didn't allow him to do so much as sit up. his calloused hand comes up to your wrist, mouth placing gentle kisses on the tips of your fingers, palm and wrist. he's trailing soft pecks up and down your bandages before you wrap your fingers around his shirt's collar, softly guiding him up closer to you and your bed.
he silently abided, eyes full of confusion before he knowingly leans in for a kiss on the lips. the kiss is slow paced, almost still, like two slow dancers. he pulls a few inches away from you, eyes almost closed as he basks in your close presence before you're pulling him back in again, deepening the kiss. it's not long before finally climbs onto the bed in defeat. arms caged around your head, one of his arms is propped on it's elbow for support while his other free hand softly holds your jaw.
he wants to be like this with you forever. he just wants to play with your stupid hair, with you healthily laying stupidly content in a stupid bed. but he can't have that. all he gets right now is him playing with your stupid damaged hair, with you stupidly being injured, in a stupid damn hospital bed.
when you try to slip your tongue between his lips, it has him shaking his head in disagreement. no. you're too injured and fragile right now. he pulls away to diffuse the sexual tension, eyes watching with guilt as you whine like a child for his attention and touch.
but how could he? how could he muster to touch you intimately when he literally felt the warmth get sucked right out of your then limp and battered body less than 24 hours ago? of course he wants to. he would never resist you, but right now, just isn't the right time.
he's about to pull away from you entirely and call it a night when he stops in his tracks after you cry out his name, pain and sadness evident in your voice. "katsuki, i want you, please."
god, he wants you too.
⋆。°✩
he slowly sinks his cock into you, taking his sweet time, wanting to feel you forever and ever. his nose is snug with your neck, inhaling your sweet, almost toxic scent. you mewl out his name, asking for him to go deeper. he abides to your request, hips rocking into yours, his cock's tip kissing your cervix.
you claw at his back, leaving angry red marks on his back bones and shoulders. his shirt has been thrown off somewhere, leaving his bare torso naked. your hands explore his skin, you've done it many times before, but you still cannot but help to run your hands along the harsh defined lines of his toned muscles.
he leaves soft kisses on your neck, tongue licking and sucking on your sensitive vein. his hands remain on your waist, occasionally squeezing when you clench around him so nicely it has him holding back a groan. he wonders how the nurses haven't found out already. or maybe they already know, which is why no nurse has came in to check in on you.
who knows, who cares. one of his hands come up to your breast, massaging the mound and pinching your sensitive bud. you arch your back in response, pushing yourself impossibly closer to him. his hands lightly push you back against the bed. "relax, i'll take care of you." he whispers, laying a chaste kiss onto your jawline.
he leans up for a minute to hook one of his arms underneath one of your knees, bending it upwards for a better position. the new position has you gasping out, hands clawing at bakugou's poor shoulders and biceps. he pays no mind to the scratches on his already injured body, if they are from you, then it's okay. he wouldn't mind if one of your scratches turned into a long lasting scar.
his focus is distracted when you clench impossibly tighter around him. he throws his nose back into your neck, trying to hide his low moans and expressions. you wrap your arms around his neck, embracing him as your orgasm comes closer with every rock of his hips.
"katsu'.." you cry out, hand coming up to pull on the roots of his hair, earning a low grunt. he hums in response, already knowing to bring his hand down to your clit, rubbing tight circles onto your puffy bud. within a few seconds, your hands dig small crescents into his back, eyes clenched shut in ecstasy as your orgasm washes over you.
he comes to a full stop as your walls clench down on him almost painfully, biting down onto your shoulder as his own orgasm takes over him, grunting as he spills into you.
the two of you bask in each other's presence following your orgasms. he's careful not to put his full body weight on top of you as he lays his head against your chest, eyes lulling closed as he listens to the faint melody that is your heart.
as you play with his hair, his arm comes up to rest over your stomach. your heart hums him to sleep. he loves you, he loves this. he just wants you, and he wants something like this, forever and ever.
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if you liked my work, please leave a like and repost w/ tags :)
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bruciemilf · 2 years ago
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There's something deeply touching about Jason knowing he'll never be the kid Bruce saved again, but still maintaining some quirks, mannerisms, habits, pieces of young Jason Todd. They're small but cut deep.
Jason, when he allows himself to stay at the manor as a tiny indulgence, still acts like there's a barrier of lasers protecting Alfred's cookie jar, just so he and Dick would have an excuse to compare leaps.
He's still waiting for the lights to fall asleep so he could visit the library and get angry at Tim, or Bruce, or both, twins in audacity, for dig earing the pages they knew he'd read.
Of course Bruce finds him because he always looks for him, ridiculously fluffy pink robe that Selina bought him sagging on him.
He ignores the ball of sadness exploding in his stomach as he realizes Bruce is the one looking up at him now. It feels like a robbery, premeditated and calculated, " Jaylad, you have to nap."
" Bruce, I am a grown ass man, you cannot fucking tell me to NAP--"
There's an unspoken type of authority that surrounds gentle parents. Is Bruce a gentle parent? Well. He doesn’t need to hit Jason to get what he wants, that's for sure, " Excuse me?"
"...Just one more page?"
Bruce is also very weak for them, thought. "..Fine. don't tell Alfred."
When Dick proudly shows off his patrol record for the week, all preppy and shiny besides Bruce at the kitchen table, Jason hears it all the way from the couch.
Damian is a very sore loser when it comes to Mario Kart, he learned, " Todd! TODD! Come back here and taste DEFEAT! FIGHT ME LIKE A WOMAN, COWARD!"
" So yeah, 40 arrests are pretty good, I'd say,--"
" 40? That's adorable, I got 70. On a broken leg."
Bruce, suddenly spooked, turns to him, " You had your leg broken on patrol?!"
" A broken leg? Awwww. Killer Crock almost bit my face off, but hey. Nice of you to try."
"Waylon bit you?!"
" At least I'm not a COP!"
" YOU'RE STILL A COP?!"
" I'm working on it, okay?!"
But the biggest thing? Jason's so unflinchingly clingy on Bruce; When they first meet this 'Justice League' Batman joined, Jason requested to be there. A robin caricature, but he doesn't trust any of them.
Aside from Diana. Diana's always the exceptions.
" This is Superman, " Bruce may think that little blush goes unnoticed, but it certainly doesn't. " And this is my ba-- This is Red Hood. I trust him with my life."
Don't cry don't cry don't cry Jason chants in his head.
Superman extends his hand and a honey sunshine smile, " Red Hood?! Oh, I've heard so much about you. We have to work together sometime. Share stories about this one here."
He heard about the guy's X Ray vision. He hopes that if he does take a peek, he sees the sinister pull of grin on his lips, all teeth and no niceness, " I'm more of a hugger."
" Oh. Uh... Sure. I love hugs."
Jason makes sure to whisper, " He doesn't kill but I do," before pulling away. Then he turns to Bruce, going from standing at his full height to relaxing a little bit,
" I want bat burgers on the way."
Bruce hums and signals for him to lean down to get his head petted. Jason does. Even if he's embarassed.
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spdrvyn · 1 year ago
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TSUNDERE MIGUEL O'HARA THAT IS DENYING HIS FEELINGS FOR READER WHILE HE ACTIVELY THINKS ABOUT THEM 24/7 AND KNOWS ALL THEIR CUTE LITTLE QUIRKS (READER CAN BE SPIDERMAN OR NORMAL PERSON YOUR CHOICE) PLEASE I NEED TRUNDERE MIGUEL SO MUCH IM DYING IM STARVING *sob sob cry sob*
love, your best friend Dre <3
i won't say i'm in love — MIGUEL O'HARA
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(( uhhh .... i have no clue who this motherfucker is! jk lol hi tommy [ you slut ] here is your severely in denial miguel fic, spoiler free. ))
"Lyla, arrange this mess."
Miguel waved his hand at the AI, eyes focused on the glowing screen in front of him. He always had the habit of keeping a messy desktop, though it wasn't a big problem for him considering his trusty artificial intelligence assistant.
To which the trusty artificial intelligence would poke and tease Miguel in response. At times, he really wondered if Lyla was secretly being controlled by a human. A pesky, occasionally annoying, childish human that constantly pushed his buttons.
"What's the magic word, Miguel?"
He groaned bringing his index finger and thumb to the bridge of his nose, massaging the stress lines that have formed from constantly being teased and played with.
"...Please."
Lyla lets out an electric hum, her avatar glitching into a thinking pose. She stares at Miguel with a confused look through her heart-shaped sunglasses. "Sorry. The signal in here is so bad. What was that?"
"I said, please, Lyla. Get to work."
"Oh, don't worry. I heard you the first time."
The man lets out a defeated sigh, he's given up on trying to defend himself against Lyla. Even when he's old and withered, this charade will continue like a never-ending circus show.
Multiple screens pop up in front of the AI, to which Miguel bashfully averts his gaze. He's normally organized enough, in the workplace but he's also very busy. Little things like putting files in the folders they belong simply evades his mind sometimes.
However, one file in particular stood out in front of him from the corner of his eye. It was a drive, among all the others that are colored in the regular shade of blue and labeled accordingly, this one was highlighted in pink with a little heart symbol at the end.
"Lyla, what's that?"
Her avatar glitches again into her in a sitting position, a little teacup in her hands as she takes a fake sip. "Hmm? I don't know, I don't see anything. Which one are you talking about?"
"Ay dios mío... The one in pink, Lyla. What is it?"
"Ohhh..." An obviously fake display of surprise makes itself present on Lyla's face, she opens the file. "This is a drive of all of the times you talked about that recruit. Lovingly, might I add."
Miguel's eyes darted around the screen, folding his arms over his chest. There were many, many videos of him. The scroll bar just kept going like there was no end.
Hesitantly, he pointed to one among the sea of videos and Lyla opened it. The playback goes as follows, the 'recording' is from her perspective, it seems.
Miguel is hunched over his desk, mumbling nonsense to himself until it becomes more coherent as Lyla approaches him.
"Whatcha' got there?"
The camera shifts and zooms over to Miguel's hand, to where he's holding a small tupperware. Filled to the brim with baked goodies, a small sticky note is pasted to the top of it however the writing is too tiny to make anything of it.
'They got me a gift.'
'That's the third one this week.'
His chest heaves as he lets out a deep sigh.
'...I know.'
A small moment of silence before Miguel continues speaking.
'Esto es tan tonto. I don't why they keep bringing me these... these things! I don't know why they keep smiling brighter than sun when they give them to me!'
Miguel frustratingly opens the tupperware, brings one of the pastries close to his mouth and takes a big bite. A small groan escapes his throat.
'I don't know what they're putting in these things to make them so delicious! Giving them to me, of all people. Stupid, stupid, stupid. So smart they are. Agile, strong, and capable and— and kind...'
Another bite.
'You know that you've gotten them gifts before, right?'
'But they all look idiotic next to this. Made with their precious time and care. Putting in the effort to make sure that they actually taste good and they do,'
Miguel closes the tupperware with a loud snap.
'¿A quién estoy engañando? They're amazing.'
"Miguel?"
That wasn't part of the recording. Miguel swipes at the screen and it fades out of existence, little pixels hovering in his sight before it completely disintegrates. Lyla disappears too as you swing onto the platform of his office.
He tenses up once he sees you, leaning a hand against his desk. God, he definitely did not want to look at you after what he just watched. He especially did not want to look at you because of the blush that stained his cheeks. Thankfully, mostly hidden by the darkness of his chambers.
Of course, you greeted him with the same warm smile.
"Haven't seen you all day today. Are you doing alright?"
"Fine. Doing fine. Just cleaning, why are you here?" Says Miguel, he despised how his heart pounded in his chest so loudly right now. Whenever he was around you.
Being so composed was what he was known for, what he was respected for. Yet, everytime you even look in the same direction as him, his exterior just melts.
"I just wanted to check in on you, was all. I noticed you haven't come out in a while, I brought you an empanada from the cafeteria just in case you were hungry."
You toss the small container to him and he catches it in one hand, he could hardly comprehend what was going on right now. Staring mindlessly at the box. "Thank you."
"Of course. Take care of yourself for me, I'll... head out now."
He watches over the edge as you fall off the platform, landing onto ledge that separates his desk from the rest of the room.
"Can you start ranting now? I want to get this drive up to 600 videos."
Miguel grumbles, opening the box and biting into the delectable snack before going back to organizing his desktop.
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norman-fucking-reedus · 5 months ago
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I read something that you said Scud liked to be recorded and I’m actually foaming at the mouth at the idea of that because it’s so real. I NEED a fic for that. So glad I found someone with a Scud obsession as bad as mine
LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION
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THE GOOD GOOD: FemDom!Reader x Sub!Scud, recording during sex, lots of teasing, and edging, bit of bondage, your much needed dose of pegging, and scud crying during sex, don't forget the hair pulling
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GUYS I LOVE SCUD SO MUCH I ABSOLUTELY ADORE HIM MY PRECIOUS LITTLE ANGEL
I'm really trying to get my drafts cleared out LOL hopefully sometime soon I'll have a big major posting spree and then I can start working on my inbox
I HAVE SO MANY REQUESTS AUUUGH IDK WHY I LET THEM ALL PILE UP SOMEONE KILL ME
The idea of Scud being recorded is still my favorite because I feel like he'd be so nervous under the lens, trying to hide from it and not be seen but he'd still end up looking like a slutty pornstar (my precious pornstar)
also scud in lace. its been on my mind for I don't even know how long at this point.
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You sighed as you walked down your complex's dingy, dimly lit hallway, silently hoping that Scud wouldn't be too mad at you for coming home so late into the night. After all, you had told him that you would only be about ten more minutes, but that had been almost an hour ago.
Things got a little out of hand, nothing you couldn't deal with sure but it was quite an inconvenience. A short, fifteen-minute task had easily turned into a full job, one that included running around the shop looking for spare parts. With what you had learned from Blade and Scud, it didn't take long to find all the little pieces you needed, and even a reward for yourself.
"Scud! I'm back! Look at what was in the shop" You called out to him when you jingled your keys in the lock and swung the front door to your apartment open, eagerly kicking off your shoes as you toyed with the little camcorder you had come across, flipping through the random pictures on it. There was no clear indicator of who's camera exactly, but you had always loved photography, so just one day with it wouldn't hurt anyone.
There was no response to your voice, the apartment barely lit and quiet, soft thumping coming from you and Scud's shared bedroom. He was probably playing on his PS2 with his headphones in, loud music blasting at levels you’ve already scolded him for.
As you padded through the cozy living room, you pointed your camera at random things and took little cameos of them, making your way down the short and narrow hall towards the room where you could see some of the orange lighting spilling out through a crack in the door.
You approached, about to call out Scud’s name once again as the soft thumping faded into a rhythmic beat, a Lady Gaga track when you finally stopped short in front of the door, pushing it open a bit and poking your head through, combing hair out your eyes as your mind drew a blank, greedily taking in the sight in front of you.
Scud was in fact not playing on his game system, but rather prancing around the cozy room what he didn’t know was your very expensive lingerie set. An all-white, delicate full ‘angelic’ lingerie set. A satin ruffle top with a waist-high lace garter belt that clipped onto the white mesh fishnets, all paired with lacy underwear that had a large bow on the back, topped with a fair-sized opening that revealed a large portion of his dumb butt.
You had originally bought it to surprise your boyfriend a few months back, but you had both gotten so overcrowded with work that it slipped your mind, collecting a thin layer of dust somewhere you weren’t even sure where you had put it. Scud always got curious about your things when he was rocket-high, digging through things and asking a million and one questions. Now here he was, looking pretty as ever swaying his hips around in the bedroom, mumbling along to the current track playing.
You found yourself flipping the camcorder's small screen open and resting against the door frame as the device started to record, capturing Scud’s fluid movements as he obliviously danced around, brown curls falling sweetly in his face, and skin glowing orange from the multiple sources of warm light in the room.
He really did look like an angel, his broad body looking much more supple and soft, legs long and lean, hips wide and divine. A walking, talking piece of pure eye candy, reserved for your eyes and only your eyes. Guess this camera just found itself a new owner.
Scud spun around on his heels and toes, once, twice, before he stopped, eyes focusing on the small little red dot, flickering up to meet your gaze and feeling his entire exposed body heat up in embarrassment.
“W– Wha– How– How long– Hello– ” Scud sputtered, completely frozen in place as he stared at you.
You, who was now fully entering the bedroom, “Don’t stop now, I barely got any footage” placing your free hand on his small waist and dipping fingers under the fabric of the garter. A smile tugged your lips as you started taking in the entirety of your boyfriend's body up close, his skin soft and hot under the tips of your fingers. “Y– You’re re-recording me?” He knew the answer, but hearing it from you verbally just made a chill run down his spine, and his cock twitch.
“Does that make you nervous love?” Your fingers trailed up his scarred chest, brushing across the lose ruffled top and grazing his nipples, a small whine coming from Scud as he dipped down in order to hide his face, but you wouldn’t let him. “Look at me” You said as you lifted his head up by the chin, forcing his gaze onto yours.
Scud lightly whimpered, desire burning in his gut as you brushed hair out his face, fingers dancing along his skin. He felt exposed under the camera’s lens, so much of his raw and bare skin visible to the naked eye. Your gaze on his body made his cock throb.
“What do I always tell you about playing in my stuff?” You said in a condescending tone, teasing the tips of your fingers down his textured belly.
Scud shivered at your touch as goosebumps prickled his skin, a strained grunt coming from him as his face flushed. “N– not without mommy’s permission”
You slowly walk around him, taking in his full body in the set. “Don’t touch mommy’s things without permission. That’s a rule, right?” You murmur as you stop recording to take a picture of Scud’s ass, definitely filling out the panties better than you could.
“Yes…” He mumbles, and it almost comes out like a squeak. His cock aching with need and his stomach with embarrassment, heart pounding from a combination of nerves and weed.
You brush your lips against the skin of his shoulder, slipping fingers under the waistline of the lace undies. “So can you explain to me why said rule is broken?”
A whimper broke past Scud's lips as your fingers teased and explored his exposed skin, squeezing his hips and tracing scars. "I just– I just found it under the bed and didn't know what it was" Scud stumbled out, heart thumping in his chest as your hands covered more ground on his body, circling around to his back.
"Mhm?" You hummed, tracing your finger up his spine. He let out a moan as chills ran through his core, trembling under your touch as he could feel goosebumps explode across his skin. "Well, do you know what it is now?"
Scud nodded frantically at your words, "Yes! Yes– I know now" quivering as he spoke.
With one hand on his waist, the other still holding the camera, you guided him to the edge of the bed and pushed his upper half down onto the mattress, smiling softly to yourself as you eyed Scud's new position through the lens.
Click! Click!
The electric snap of the camera made Scud feel fuzzy and warm, slightly embarrassed, and very exposed. His skin was flushed a light red, some areas more blushed than the others. From where his cock was confined in the small panties, he was completely pulsing, throbbing with pure need in his gut.
"Do you also know not to break the rules?" You questioned, flipping through the few shots you had taken before moving your attention to the small walk-in closet, crouching down and reaching inside a box.
Scud whined into the soft comforter when you returned behind him, his socked feet barely reaching the rug between them. He could hear the small beep of the camera as you pressed your front to his bottom, a yelp coming from him when your palm made contact with his exposed cheek. "I asked, so answer"
"Y– Yes! Not breaking the rules is a rule" He whimpered, a shudder running through him as his skin tingled.
You smiled at his words as you caressed his side, squeezing his waist and hip slightly. "Good. Very good. So don't you think you deserve a punishment?"
Scud didn't respond, but he nodded his head, hiding his face the best he could behind his hair. You pushed the strands back and cooed at his cherry-red face, tiny whines coming from him as he squirmed under the camera's lens, jerking his hips slightly as he rutted against the edge of the bed.
Your hand made contact with his cheek again, a choked-off groan coming from his throat at your palm. "Words."
"Y– yes ma– ma'am..." He stuttered, trembling slightly with anticipation. It wasn't often that Scud got punished, even with as bratty as he was, so his cock was totally aching just thinking about whatever vile shit it was you were thinking about doing to him.
And you were thinking of doing some quite horrid things.
Teasingly, you ran your hand over the opening in his panties, prodding your finger at his puffy rim. A suppressed shudder traveled through him as his cock twitched, his hole fluttering at your air-light touch. You softly cooed at how needy he was, smiling to yourself as you single-handedly took off your shirt and tossed it on the floor somewhere to be picked up later.
From the box in your closet, you had pulled your strap set, a pair of cuffs, and a long vibrator that you had been wanting to test out for a little while.
Cuffing Scud's hands behind his back with only five fingers was a bit of a challenge, but an easy one. He squirmed a little as you did it, wiggling his fingers as his wrists adjusted to the new sensation of the cuffs.
You shuffled around behind him, cursing softly as you knocked a few things over before tossing a bottle of lube along with the rest of your toys, pressing yourself against Scud as you leaned down near his ear, breath feather-light and hair tickling his skin. His heart pounded in his chest, and you could hear his pulse in his neck thumping.
“Just how should I punish you?” You murmur, trailing your lips against his ear lobe and teasing the skin with the very tip of your tongue.
“Maybe I should spank you ‘til it hurts to sit,” You run your free hand down to his ass and give it a slap for emphasis, followed by a squeeze just cause.
“Or maybe I could tie up those cute balls and see just how long it takes for you to pop” You hum, nibbling on Scud’s ear and tugging it with your teeth until you dropped it with an idea lingering in mind.
“Or," You said as you pulled away from him. "I could just leave you here by yourself” You smirked, watching Scud’s face twist in horror.
“No! No– please no” He pleaded as he squirmed on the bed, hips jerking in a desperate search for relief, cock painfully hard and throbbing. “Need a punishment, need mommy to punish me” Scud blabbed, his body trembling as his eyes darted from your face to the camera's lens, his body coated in a thin sheen of sweat.
“But how should I punish you?” You teasingly coo, combing some of a Scud’s bangs out one of his eyes as you smiled softly at him. “I could smoke our whole stash right in your face”
Scud groaned, “Please don’t” squeezing his legs as arousal burned hot in his gut. “I’m really sorry mommy, I– I’ll do anything”
“Oh, I know you will. Just stay still for me ‘kay?” You pushed yourself back up to your full height, pausing your recording to swap out the camera for the bottle of lube, shaking it slightly before uncapping it and squeezing out more than enough of the clear liquid onto Scud's puffy rim, watching the shiver that ran through him as the cold sensation rolled down to his sensitive balls.
You scooped it up with your two fingers and easily slid them inside Scud, a soft moan coming from him as he clenched around you, almost instantly pushing back in search of more. "Such a greedy little hole, you just wanna be fucked so badly don't you?"
Scud whined and squeezed his slick walls around your digits, "Yes! Want mommy to fill me up so bad, need her so bad" rubbing his face against the soft comforter as he could feel it burning hot.
"Don't worry baby boy, we're gonna get you all nice 'nd full right now" You spoke sweetly to him as you picked up the camera with one hand and the vibrator with the other, resuming your recording as the toy harshly rumbled to life after the click of a button. Without wasting a second, you watched as the buzzing wand glided into Scud with zero resistance, pressing it directly against his sweet spot and causing him to loudly sputter, blabble, and cry out nonsense as the sudden vibration traveled through his entire nervous system, cock throbbing with the uncontrollable urge to cum.
Scud sobbed around his loud moans, choking out gasps when you started to quickly thrust the toy in and out, each hard bump to his now very sensitive prostrate only sent him closer to the edge, hands twitching and pulling where they were restrained as his body spasmed, heaving as his heart started to pound in his chest the harder and harder you fucked him, hips jerking down into the mattress as he tried to pathetically chase his rapidly building orgasm, a burning pleasure coursing through the entirety of his body before–
You swiftly pulled the toy out of him right as he was about to topple over the edge, a confused, strangled whimper tearing from his throat as his poor hole needily clenched around nothing, so full and pleased just a split second ago and now suddenly empty and crashing down from the way you abruptly ruined his orgasm.
“Sorry, my hand slipped” You mumbled, obviously not sorry at all as you teased his fluttering hole with the toy, capturing all your torturous movements through the little camera lens.
The cuffs rattled as Scud whined and squirmed at the contact against his sensitive skin, trying his hardest to push back onto the vibrator while also jerking his hips away from it. He was so high, so hot and sweaty as he heaved from where he was on the bed, shaking as you tauntingly dragged the toy up from his slick balls to his drenched rim, only ever applying the slightest amount of pressure.
It made him push his hips back in desperation, letting out a surprised yelp when you smacked him with the toy, tutting your lips as you shook your head, placing the camera down and positioning it to capture Scud's hidden face, forcing his head up by roughly yanking a fistful of hair.
He whined as a shiver ran down his spine, trembling as his eyes nervously darted away from the lens, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment at being recorded in such an exposed state. His cock was still painfully aching, whole body throbbing uncontrollably from your early treatment.
Scud made tiny little whimpers when you started to tease his hole again with the toy, his hips twitching as he tried not to jerk them back, desperate and craving to be filled up again. His gut ached with arousal, cock leaking painfully where it was confined in the small panties.
"P– Please fuck me, please mommy" He begged as you dipped your head down and started nibbling at his bare shoulder, teasing the skin of his hip with your fingers.
You blew on his ear as you ran the length of the vibrator up his slick crack, a keen noise pulling out his throat as his hole fluttered in anticipation. "Is this what you want pretty boy? To be stuffed like a dumb slut?"
Scud whined at your words, nodding his head and hiding his face shyly behind his hair, jumping slightly when you tightly gripped his jaw, lifting his head once more and dropping it to pick up your camera.
"You're so cute when you're nervous" You said to him as you smooshed your cheek against his, pointing the lens at the both of you and snapping a few pictures, Scud's face red and embarrassed as the flash flickered, electric shutter ringing in his ears.
Scud huffed slightly as his socked toes brushed the rug beneath him, kicking his feet impatiently as need and heat burned through his veins. He whined softly when you pulled away from him entirely, leaving the camcorder pointed at him to capture his facial expressions when you suddenly shoved the entirety of the vibrator back into him, a loud and shaky moan tearing from Scud's throat as the toy easily slid into him, almost yelling when it buzzed to life against his sensitive walls.
His hands curled into one another where his arms were stretched behind his back, yet immediately scrambled to wrap around your wrist when you trailed fingers up his spine, his fingers twitching and trembling as they latched onto you, incoherent mumbles leaving Scud's lips.
As you started to properly fuck him with the toy, quickly thrusting it in and out as he tensed up at the sensation, shuddering as his jaw went slack and he started to desperately yet sloppy push back against your movements, toes curling into the carpet as you shoved the vibrator right into his sweet spot, stars dancing in his eyes and coursing through his body.
"I bet that feels so good huh pretty boy? Gonna cum aren't you?" You taunted as you fucked him quicker with the silicone toy, watching the way he had started to twitch and squirm, his whimpers and cries starting to increase in volume. Scud tried to respond to your questions, but his words only came out as a garbled mess.
It earned a small laugh from you, pressing yourself up against him and dipping your head down to attack his neck, running your tongue over his pulse, and feeling his heart race under the muscle. "Didn't quite catch that" You murmured into his ear, slowing down your movements as you searched for Scud's sweet spot, a broken sob tearing from his lips when you found it. "Yes," He gasped, trembling underneath you as he heaved for air, clumsily stuttering out his words. "Wanna cum so bad, want mommy to make me cum"
Scud tugged and pulled at his restraints as he choked back cries, clumsily pushing back against your movements desperately as he chased after his rapidly building orgasm, babbling brainlessly. He could feel the buzzing sensation in his toes, all the way up to his teeth, it made his head foggy and his jaw go slack, not sure if the high he was greedily riding was from the weed or sheer pleasure, but it had him on cloud nine either way.
Each thrust brought him closer and closer, so close he could practically taste it. A needy, broken whimper came from his chest as his body twitched against you, small pleas starting to fall from his lips as his untouched cock throbbed from his burning climax, lungs running out of air as his body started to tense up, standing right on the edge and about to fall down face first when you yanked the toy right out of him again, Scud whining and basically sobbing in protest as his hole uncontrollably clenched down around nothing, heavy groans leaving him as his body struggled to recover from the way you completely denied him again.
"Oh Please, please mommy, please" Scud sobbed as his body felt so empty and used, desperately craving the relief that he needed so badly.
You shut the toy off and tossed it down on the bed, taking hold of the camcorder and stopping your recording, snapping a few pictures of how utterly destroyed Scud was, face soaked with his tears and drool as he weakly rutted his hips in search of any type of pleasure. He whimpered softly at the flash of light, feeling exposed and nude under the lens.
"It's okay Scud, you've been doing so well for me. Momma's gonna make you feel so good" You murmured comfortingly into his ears as you pressed a kiss to his cheek, pushing your body up off his and leaving the camera on the bed. Scud still whined out in protest as your body heat left his, leaving him cold and lonely. His heart started to soar and quickly pick up speed when he heard the familiar sound of your strap buckling together, small mutters and curses coming from you as there was a slight struggle.
It wasn't long before you reappeared behind Scud, this time pressing your cock against him. Anticipation sparked to life in his tummy as you dragged the silicone through his slick, unable to help himself from pushing back against you with tiny little sounds. He needed it so bad that his body was practically begging for release, involuntarily twitching.
Scud was so close to an absolute breakdown, whimpering and mumbling incoherently as you finally started to push in at a tauntingly slow pace, the lube helping to make it an easy glide and blissful stretch. His head dropped down onto the mattress as sparks flew up his spine, so understimulated that even the slightest of touch would probably send him tipping over the edge.
You readjusted your camcorder with one hand and the tightly tangled the other in his hair, yanking his head back up to be captured in the lens, giggling at the groan that left Scud’s lips. “Come on pretty boy, keep your head up for momma”
“Need– Need it–“ Scud started to babble, head totally clouded and overworked as he desperately jerked his hips, rocking them back and forth to get any type of stimulation at all, trembling like a leaf on a branch when he felt the tip of your strap finally, finally jab right into his tender and used sweet spot, knees buckling between him as he involuntarily squeezed your wrist tightly, nails digging into the flesh as the orgasm his body had been begging for completely took over, loud and broken sobs leaving Scud’s lips as his untouched cock throbbed and pulsated, cumming right in the lace panties of the lingerie set.
The fact that you captured that on camera almost made your mouth water, and you cooed at Scud when he went ragdoll in your hold, stroking his side to give him some comfort as he slowly came back down to earth. “Oh, you poor little thing. Did I tease too much?”
Scud could barely even muster out words, breathing into the mattress as his body twitched, small grunts and whimpers coming from him your hand in his hair kept his head upright and his face vulnerable, tears streaming down his reddened cheeks.
“Or, did I not tease you enough?” You murmured the question softly in his ear, moving to grab a fist full of hair from the front and gripping his cuffed wrists, yanking both backward as you took a step forward to shove the entirety of your cock into Scud, who could almost taste the pleasure coursing through him. A choked sob tore itself from his throat, eyes darting frantically between the wall and camera lens as it felt like pure heaven burned it’s way up his spine, hands twitching and curling in on themselves under your grip.
It was arguably the best he’s ever felt in days, weeks even. When you started to relentlessly and mercilessly slam into him, each thrust going right to his core and sending his eyes rolling into the back of his head, lips glossy and slick with spit as he drooled from the mouthwatering pleasure.
“You’re just so, so cute Scud. I can’t wait to watch our little movie over and over and over again” You said as you tilted his head to the side by his hair, biting down harshly on the flesh of his already bruised and marked neck, a shriek pulling its way out his chest as all five of his senses were at a complete overload, skin flushing a deep red when he felt your teeth blissfully break skin. It was all so overwhelming, the wet glide of your cock slipping in and out against his tender velvety walls was simply too much for his mind to be able to comprehend, hips jerking as his second orgasm built up rapidly, like a can of soda that had been shaken up and was just waiting for someone to pop the tap.
He heard the sound of the cuffs clicking off before he felt the fuzzy material sliding off his wrists, your hands finding his and intertwining your fingers together, pinning his hands down on the mattress to fuck him with all the womanly strength left in you, sending the silicone as deep and hard into your angelic boyfriend as your body would possibly allow for. Scud’s head involuntarily dropped right down onto the blankets, whimpers and broken moans tumbling past his lips as he tightly squeezed your fingers, so close to the edge that this time he really could taste it.
“Please momma, please, please– fuuck, please” Scud helplessly babbled, needily pushing back to meet your thrusts as he was so fucking close, so close that he’d almost do anything just to cum, not that there was much to do considering he was already crashing down the hill, just needing a few more rough thrusts of your hips before his tap was finally popped, an explosion of fizzy stickiness exploding right in his gut, his second orgasm spilling right into the already soiled underwear, seeping through and dripping down onto the floor.
Scud went totally limp where he laid face down on the bed, breathing heavily as he twitched and tried to come down from such an earth shattering high, whining softly when you pulled out.
Tiny kisses were planted all over his face, neck, and shoulders, you gently brushing his hair out his face and unsticking it from his sweaty forehead. “You okay?”
Scud nodded, with his eyes half-lidded and a content smile tugging at his lips. “Mhmm”
“Did you learn your lesson?” You asked, pulling the bra strap and letting it snap against Scud’s flesh, a small grunt leaving him as his skin burned. “Yes ma’am…” He grumbled out, feet dangling off the bed.
You smiled softly, kissing him right below his eye. “Good baby. Now let’s get you all squeaky clean and cozy for bed, then we can find a way to put our special show on the TV for only our eyes to see” You said with a hint of mischief in your tone, reaching for the camcorder and stopping your recording once and for all.
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Whoa. Did Norman fucking reedus just fucking finish something. Did Normam fucking reedus just post something. Whoa. How crazy even is that.
ANYWAYS 😝 yes guys I still love Scud he's still my angel boy and be always will be I love the part of the fic where my peenar goes inside his body thats the best part hands down I love to fuck men with my lady peenar
One fic at a time guys 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ I have a few others that eeerm should get posted soon… dont get your hopes up (because mine are already up and that's a problem)
IF YOU SEE TYPOS NO UOU DONNNT 😭 MY GRAMMARLY IS ON MY COMPUTER AND THE APP IS GARBAGE ON MY PHONE PLEASE STOP THIS MADNESS
I was gonna end this with the cam corder MaGiCaLlYy disappearing 👁️ but that's for another fic 🙂‍↕️ (that ill end up never writing)
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buckets-and-trees · 9 days ago
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Did you intend to prompt more I'm Your Man Andy with this? Perhaps not, Kris, but... IYM!Andy's track record doesn't support doing things because YOU want him to, does it? 😏
Title: Burned Off the Haze Characters/Pairings: soft!dark mafia Andy Barber x female!reader Word Count: 4.5k Summary: Things only continue to escalate after Andy's meeting your parents, and he only continues to keep his control of your lives together. Takes place directly after Don't Look Too Far.
Content/Warnings: emotional manipulation; mild smut: kissing, vaginal fingering; use of pet name (sweetheart)
Author Note: This is not a stand alone section! You can find the previous parts here.
A/N 2: No one should be surprised this man would make sure he got his week in the Countdown to Chris-mas!
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You’re waiting impatiently for Andy to get home from his day at the country club with your father. You meet him at the top of the stairs leading from the garage on the lower level.
“When were you going to tell me you had decided on a wedding here in Boston instead of eloping?”
With casual determination, Andy wraps his strong arms around your waist and pulls you close. His lips meet yours in a passionate, all-consuming kiss that sends shivers down your spine. Every touch ignites a fire within you, the intensity of his embrace leaving you breathless and wanting more. The world starts to fade away as you get lost in the moment with him, but then you push against his chest and turn your head away.
“Andy! Answer me!” you insist as you extricate yourself from his arms - though he lets you go freely, not forcing you to stay in his embrace.
“I would have told you over dinner last night, but…” he trails off, giving you a meaningful look.
You step back, putting more distance between you and Andy. "But what? I was too busy smashing up your cars?"
“No, you largely refused to talk to me through dinner. And then after,” Andy's lips quirk in amusement, "we were otherwise occupied the rest of the evening, if you recall."
Heat rises to your cheeks at the memory of your passionate encounter. You push those thoughts aside, refusing to be distracted. "You made another huge decision without even consulting me."
“I only achieved what I have because I learned when to double down and when to pursue a different course of action,” Andy replies. “I thought you might prefer a proper wedding with your family and friends present."
You shake your head in frustration. "That's not the issue here, Andy. It's that you keep making these choices for us, for me, without including me in the process. Forcing our engagement, meeting my parents behind my back, making big calls about our wedding? What's next?"
Andy's eyes flash with irritation, his piercing blue gaze fixed on you. "After meeting your parents, I decided a small but proper wedding is the better move."
You narrow your eyes, sensing there's more to this sudden change of plans. "It can’t only be meeting my parents that inspired this change of heart; you’re not that sentimental."
Andy smirks. “Good assessment - your intelligence is one of the things that drew me to you. But your parents are good people who love you deeply,” he continues, his voice taking on a softer tone. “They've been dreaming of your wedding day probably since you were born. Your mother's eyes lit up when she talked about helping you choose a dress, about flowers and cake tastings. Your father... well, he tried to hide it, but I could see how much it would mean to him to walk you down the aisle."
He pauses, letting his words sink in. You feel a warmth in your heart for what he says about your parents because you know he’s not wrong, your mother had gushed about those very things while you had lunch together. But there’s also an ache in your throat because you’re so angry, you want to cry and yell and rage at him.
You take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. "And how does this suit your purposes, Andy?"
His eyes darken slightly as he regards you. "A proper society wedding cements our union in the eyes of both our worlds - the legitimate business sphere and the less legitimate one. It sends a clear message about my intentions."
"Your intentions?" you press, feeling a chill run down your spine.
Andy steps closer, his imposing frame looming over you. "That you are mine, irrevocably. That I will protect what's mine with everything I have." His voice is low, almost a growl. "And that anyone who even thinks of touching you or using you against me will face severe consequences."
You swallow hard, torn between fear and an unwelcome flicker of desire at his possessive words. "I'm not a possession, Andy. You can't just stake your claim."
Andy's eyes flash dangerously and in one swift motion he has you pinned against the wall, his body pressing into yours. One hand grips your hip while the other cups your face, forcing you to meet his intense gaze.
"Can't I?" he growls, his voice low and rough. "You're wearing my ring. You're living in my home. You've shared my bed. Tell me, sweetheart, how are you not mine?"
Your breath catches in your throat. You want to argue, to push him away, but your traitorous body responds to his proximity. Heat pools in your core as his scent envelops you.
"I-" you start, but the words are cut off as Andy's mouth crashes down on yours.
The kiss is fierce, demanding, stealing your breath and your resistance. His tongue plunders your mouth as his body presses you firmly against the wall. You can feel every hard plane of his muscular form molded against your softer curves.
Despite your anger and frustration, your body betrays you. Your hands fist in his shirt, torn between pushing him away and pulling him closer. A moan escapes your throat, swallowed by his insistent lips.
Andy's hand slides from your hip to your thigh, hitching your leg up around his waist. The new angle allows him to grind against you, and you gasp at the friction. Your head falls back against the wall, breaking the kiss.
"Andy," you pant, your voice a mix of protest and plea.
He takes advantage of your exposed neck, placing hot, open-mouthed kisses along your throat. He trails his lips up to your ear. "You are mine," he growls, nipping at your earlobe. "Have I not made that clear from the first night I claimed you, sweetheart."
His words send a shiver down your spine. You want to argue, to deny the claim he's making on you, but your body is singing with need. Andy's hand slips under your shirt, his fingers tracing patterns on your skin.
"You can’t tell me you don't want this," he challenges, his voice husky. “I know your body too well now. If I put my hand between your legs, I know I’ll find you wet for me.”
Your breath catches in your throat as Andy's words send a rush of heat through your body. You know he's right - you can feel the slick evidence of your arousal. But you refuse to give in so easily.
"That doesn't mean anything," you say, trying to keep your voice steady. "My body's reactions don't change the fact that you're making decisions about our lives without me."
Andy pulls back slightly, his piercing blue eyes studying your face. His hand moves from under your shirt to cup your cheek, his touch surprisingly gentle.
"Old habits die hard, sweetheart. I'm used to making decisions and having them followed without question."
You blink in surprise at his admission. It's more than you expected from him.
"But if I left every decision up to you now, we'd never get anywhere," Andy continues, his thumb stroking your cheek. "You'd keep fighting this, keep denying what's between us."
You want to argue, but you know there's truth in his words. You've been resisting at every turn, even as your body betrays you with its desire for him.
"That doesn't make it right," you say softly, your anger deflating slightly. "I need to have a say in my own life, Andy. In our life together, if that's what this is going to be. Do you even want that? Want us?"
Andy's eyes search yours for a long moment. "We will have our wedding, and I have some stipulations, but I’ll leave the rest to you. September fifteenth, and we leave the next day for our honeymoon in Italy."
It's not what you want, but it's the first thing he’s giving you. You let out a shaky breath, nodding.
He steps away from you completely, and your body falls forward slightly without his pinning you to the wall. Once he steadies you, he begins to walk away.
“The wedding planners will be here tomorrow morning at ten, and then after lunch I need you to accompany me to a business meeting with one of my lawyers.”
You stand there for a moment, processing Andy's words. A mixture of emotions swirls within you - frustration at his continued control, a flare of disappointment of him leaving you unsatisfied, and apprehension about these meetings he has already arranged.
Shaking yourself out of your thoughts. "Wait," you call out. "Why are we meeting with a lawyer? Aren’t you technically a lawyer?”
“Yes,” he answers quickly, turning back to look at you briefly, “but does a doctor not have their own doctors?”
You nod, and he resumes his progress down the hall.
You watch Andy walk away, your mind reeling from the conversation and the intense moment you just shared. Part of you wants to call him back, to continue the argument or maybe even give in to the desire still thrumming through your body. But you stay silent, letting him go.
Once he's out of sight, you slump against the wall, taking deep breaths to calm your racing heart. The whiplash of emotions - anger, frustration, desire, and now a strange brand of hopeful wariness - leaves you feeling drained.
You push yourself off the wall and make your way to the room you’ve been given as a personal study. You need time to process everything that just happened. As you enter, your eyes land on the engagement ring glittering on your finger. You twist it absently, thinking about Andy's words.
A proper wedding. Your parents' joy. Andy's claim on you. It's all so overwhelming.
But what haunts you is was what he didn’t say.
Does he want a life together? Does he want an us?
Caught in the danger of that before, you were able to get away, but there’s no telling how dangerous Andy Barber is. You’ve only witnessed a fraction of his power and control. He’s created a connection with your parents. You have no doubt he knows far too much valuable information about your life, so would any kind of escape even be possible? And if it were, would anyone you left behind be safe?
In the room you’ve been given as your study, you spend some time tending to your collection of potted plants, carefully trimming away a few dead leaves and watering where you find dry soil. You settle into your favorite armchair and immerse yourself in a novel, getting lost in its pages until the housekeeper interrupts to announce that dinner is ready. You make your way to the dining room, but notice that your partner Andy is not there. When you ask about his absence, you’re told he went out to tend to some business. Afterwards, you retreat to the couch in the living room and watch old episodes of your favorite sitcom, finding comfort in the familiar characters and laughter.
You go to sleep alone for the first time since the night of his gala.
The hours tick by as you lay awake in bed, unable to sleep. The vast emptiness of the king-sized mattress seems to mock you, a stark reminder of Andy's absence. The night stretches on endlessly as you toss and turn in the vast, empty bed. The grandfather clock in the hallway chimes eleven, then midnight, then one. Where is Andy? What "business" could keep him out so late? You try to push away the nagging worry, reminding yourself that you shouldn't care, that his absence should be a relief. But a small traitorous part of your heart that has begun to yearn for his presence betrays you.
No, you don’t yearn for him. You’re just accustomed to him.
With each passing hour, your anxiety grows. Eventually you drift in and out of fitful sleep, your mind racing with thoughts of the day's events, the impending wedding, and the uncertain future that lies ahead.
You wake just enough to register Andy pulling your body to his chest as he settling in behind you. The first hints of dawn are only beginning to creep through the curtains, painting the room in soft hues of pink and gold, “Mmm, Andy?” you hum sleepily.
“Shh,” he coos, pressing a soft kiss to your neck, “you can sleep, sweetheart.”
And so you drift off again, unaware of your body softening in his arms.
But when your alarm goes off at seven, you’re alone in the bed once again.
You tell yourself you’re relieved.
You stretch and yawn, trying to shake off the lingering grogginess from your restless night. As you sit up, your eyes land on a note propped against the lamp on your nightstand. Andy's precise handwriting stares back at you:
Meeting ran late. Had to leave early for another. Remember - wedding planners at 10. Wear something nice for the lawyer meeting after lunch. - Andy
You crumple the note in your fist, a mixture of frustration and disappointment churning in your gut. Even when he's not here, Andy is directing your day. You force yourself out of bed, determined to at least choose your own outfit for the morning.
After a quick shower, you select a casual but stylish ensemble - fitted jeans and a soft, short sleeved sweater in a deep emerald green that brings out your eyes. As you're applying the last touches of makeup, your phone chimes with a text from your mom. The one silver lining with the turn of events after the weekend is that your relationship with your parents is back on track since you’re no longer hiding a sudden and inexplicable engagement to Andy.
After a solitary breakfast, you go back to your study and set to work at a beautiful desk near one of the windows, diving into emails and looking over the calendar of upcoming events and the needs for your team this week to be ready for your weekly 11am strategy session.
Back in the spring when you had taken on Andy Barber as a client for the largest gala and one of the largest events your company had ever planned, you had strategically not accepted any book dates for a full six weeks afterwards. You had wanted to ensure that everything went off perfect for the Barber Gala without compromising any events that would come right in its wake. The fee for the services of you and your team was more than enough to accommodate that break in the events schedule, and it was a decision that you were infinitely glad you had made as it had worked out well for suddenly being ensnared into Andy’s life. Rather than renting any formal office space, you and your team worked remotely and always went to clients and vendors or the event venue to meet rather than making them come to you. It had the added benefit of building rapport with people you worked with and enhancing your reputation as being a team who valued the partner you were working with.
With the break in the schedule and fully remote office, you had been able to fully put off any revelation about your new arrangements with your team of three. Even with the video chats, you’d simply used virtual backgrounds to mask your new surroundings.
You manage to wrap up the agenda for your 11am a few minutes before the wedding planners are expected to arrive. You tap your pen on your planner, mulling things over. Since events are in your blood, it’s possible you could wrap up an initial meeting with the wedding planners before your team’s meeting - especially because you’ve been through all this before, you know who the best vendors are, and you have stowed away a slew of ideas for the wedding you thought may at some point take place in the future with some unknown future husband. Worst case scenario, you’ll excuse yourself from Andy and the wedding planners for a few minutes at eleven to jump on the call, say you’ve got an awful headache or something, and hand over the meeting to your number two, Effy, and then get back to Andy. Something tells you Andy would not love you bailing completely at 11.
Satisfied enough with your game plan, you close your laptop and head toward the front of the palatial home to be present when the wedding planners arrive.
“Just in time,” Andy says as you enter the foyer.
You freeze momentarily at the sound and sight of Andy. He's leaning against the doorframe of his study, looking impeccable in a crisp white shirt and tailored slacks. His blue eyes rake over you appreciatively.
"You look nice," he says, his voice low and intimate.
“Thank you,” you respond, trying to keep your voice neutral.
He reaches you and cups your face in his hands, his thumbs gently stroking your cheeks. Before you can react, he leans in and captures your lips in a soft, lingering kiss. Despite your desire to stay simmering with anger at him, you find yourself melting into the kiss - as always, your hands coming to rest on his chest.
When he pulls back, his eyes are dark with desire. "Good morning, sweetheart," he murmurs.
You're about to respond when the doorbell chimes, signaling the arrival of the wedding planners. Andy's hands drop from your face, one sliding down to the small of your back as he guides you towards the door.
"Shall we?" he asks, his tone light but leaving no room for argument.
You nod, squaring your shoulders as Andy opens the door to reveal the wedding planners.
Better known as your team - Effy, Lila, and Dev.
They cheer and shout “Surprise” and “Congratulations” and rush in with champagne, flowers, and a platter of pastries and fruit from one of your favorite bakery vendors.
Your jaw drops as you stare at your team in disbelief. Effy, your right-hand woman, is beaming as she holds out a bottle of Dom Pérignon. Lila, your creative genius, is practically bouncing with excitement, her arms full of a stunning bouquet of peonies and garden roses in shades of blush and cream. Dev, your logistics wizard, balances a tray laden with an assortment of pastries from Maison de Sucre, the French bakery you've used for countless events.
"What... how?" you stammer, torn between shock, joy, and a surge of anger at Andy for orchestrating this without your knowledge.
"Andy called us yesterday," Effy explains, her eyes sparkling. "He thought you might appreciate some familiar faces to help plan your big day - and who else would you trust to plan a rush wedding?"
You turn to glare at Andy, but he merely smirks. You’re acutely aware of not only a need to keep up appearances, but a want to save face on your part, as well. So as they laugh at your glare, you quickly shift into a pleasant game face and channel the part of you that does want to share in the excitement of your team, and rush to give them hugs and usher them inside.
in just under two hours, most of your wedding is planned. Your team came prepared, knew your tastes, and had connections they were ready and eager to tap for your whirlwind wedding.
Playing the part of Andy’s blissfully happy fiancé to keep your team from suspecting anything was amiss had been difficult and yet simple in equal measure.
Andy offers to leave when you suggest that you touch base for the weekly strategy session, but your team encourages him to stay. So he does. You marvel at how masterfully he charms everyone around him. You know he often manages this with you, as well.
Everything is on track with your team for the upcoming events - including a redistribution of tasks and responsibilities that they’ve already discussed to lighten your load leading up to the wedding. They insist so you can take care of all the bride things they imagine you’ll be doing leading up to the nuptials. Your eyes meet Andy’s, and you see the glow of satisfaction radiating off of him.
Your team begins to pack up their materials. You feel a mix of emotions swirling inside you. On one hand, you're touched by their enthusiasm and grateful for their expertise, their thoughtfulness. On the other, you feel guilty for the deception, for allowing them to believe in a fairytale romance that doesn't truly exist.
"Well, I think we've made excellent progress," Effy says, closing her laptop with a satisfied smile. "We'll get started on the vendor contracts right away and have them ready for your review by tomorrow afternoon."
You nod and smile. "Thank you all so much. I... I don't know what to say."
Lila gives you a warm hug. "We're just so happy for you! And don't worry about a thing - we'll make sure your day is absolutely perfect."
“I know you will.”
As they gather their things and head towards the door, you notice Andy hanging back, eyes ever watching all your interactions.
You walk your team to the door, exchanging final hugs and promises to touch base soon. As Dev, the last to leave, steps out, he turns back with a grin.
"By the way, boss, nice job keeping this under wraps. We had no idea!"
You force a laugh, hoping it doesn't sound as hollow as it feels. "Well, you know me. I love a good surprise."
As soon as the door closes behind them, you lean against it, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. When you open them, Andy is standing before you, his expression unreadable.
"That went well," he says casually.
You push off the door, anger flaring. "You had no right to involve my team without telling me."
Andy raises an eyebrow. "You wouldn’t have agreed, I know you’ll appreciate the gesture in the end, and they’re the best in the business, are they not?"
"That's not the point," you snap. "This is what we talked about yesterday! Making decisions without me!”
“This was already arranged before that discussion, and I didn’t want to ruin the surprise,” he says with a smirk. “You love a good surprise - you just said so yourself.”
You raise your hand to slap him, but he catches your wrist, his smirk vanishing, replaced with a stern look. You huff and try to pull away, but Andy's grip on your wrist tightens, his eyes darkening with a dangerous glint. In the next instant, he pulls you flush against his body, his other hand snaking around your waist to hold you in place. The sudden movement knocks the breath from your lungs, and you're acutely aware of every hard plane of his muscular form pressed against you.
"Careful, sweetheart," he growls, his voice low and menacing. "You seem to have forgotten who you're dealing with."
A chill runs down your spine as you're reminded of the power this man wields. The charming facade he'd worn for your team has vanished, replaced by the cold, calculating persona you've glimpsed before. His blue eyes, usually so captivating, now resemble chips of ice.
"Let me remind you," Andy continues, his breath hot against your ear. "I'm not just some wealthy businessman playing at power. I've built an empire, both in the light and the shadows. I've crushed men who dared to cross me."
His words send a shiver through you - fear and unwanted desire warring within. You try to push against his chest, but he doesn't budge.
"I'm not afraid of you," you say, your voice shakier than you'd like.
Andy chuckles darkly. "You have no reason to be as long as you don’t cross me."
He releases your wrist only to cup your face, forcing you to meet his intense gaze. "And here's the thing - I don't want you to fear me. But make no mistake - you are mine now. This is your life."
With lightning speed, Andy spins you around, pressing you face-first against the door. His body cages you in, one hand still gripping your wrist while the other slides up to wrap around your throat. Not choking, but asserting control. You gasp, your heart racing as Andy's lips brush against your ear. "The sooner you accept that, the easier things will be."
His hand tightens slightly on your throat, just enough to make breathing a conscious effort. You should be terrified, should be fighting to get away. But your traitorous body responds to his dominance, a rush of heat pooling low in your belly.
"Andy," you whisper, unsure if it's a plea or a protest.
“You'll be my wife, my partner. But you need to understand your place in this world we're building together."
He releases your throat, his hand sliding down to cup your breast through your sweater. You arch into his touch involuntarily, earning a dark chuckle from him.
"That's it," he growls. "Remember how good we are together.”
Andy's hand kneads your breast as his lips trail hot kisses down your neck. Despite your anger and frustration, a soft moan escapes your lips before you can stop it.
"That's it, sweetheart," Andy murmurs against your skin. "Let go of it all."
His free hand slides down your body, deftly unbuttoning your jeans. You know you should stop him, should push him away, but the heat of his body against yours, the skilled touch of his fingers, makes it hard to think straight.
Just as his hand slips beneath the waistband of your panties, there’s an insistent buzzing of his phone.
He answers the phone even as his fingers begin to work the slick lips of your cunt.
“Yes?” he prompts.
You can hear every word without the phone being put on speaker since Andy’s pressed up against you.
"Mr. Barber? The cars are ready for your lunch meeting, sir."
“Good. The future Mrs. Barber and I will be down in no more than ten minutes,” he says. There’s an acknowledgment on the other end of the line, and then hangs up.
Andy thrusts a finger inside you, making you gasp, before withdrawing his hand completely. “Go get changed,” he says, “you heard, we have our next appointment and need to be on our way.”
You're left breathless and frustrated as Andy steps away, his warmth disappearing from your back. Your body trembles with unfulfilled desire, and you have to resist the urge to reach for him, to beg him to finish what he started.
"Andy," you begin, your voice husky with need.
He cuts you off with a sharp look. "We don't have time. Go change. Now."
The command in his voice sends another shiver through you. You want to argue, to demand he explain himself, to finish what he started. But the ice in his eyes tells you it would be futile. With shaking hands, you button your jeans and smooth down your sweater.
"Fine," you say, trying to inject some venom into your voice.
You turn and head towards the stairs, feeling Andy's eyes on you the whole way.
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↠ Main Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest
I do not do tag lists, but FOLLOW @buckets-and-stories and TURN ON NOTIFICATIONS to be updated any time I publish a new work!
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codenamesazanka · 2 months ago
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never liked the childhood imagery for bnha. It's cute, nauseatingly so, it's 100% calculated to evoke easy feelings of adoration and protection and sympathy for a character. Which is fine, I'm not against it as a trope, I think it's very cute too!
But that childhood imagery was always Not Real. It takes place in the Past. It was Things That Could've Been. And here, as the official account puts it, Things From Another Lifetime.
But why not this lifetime? Why can't the hand holding and connection and bright colors and healing be in the lifetime the characters are in now? Yeah, it probably can't ever reach this level of Brightness, but it doesn't mean it's not worth it?
But Childhood Imagery + The Conclusion We Got means it was just too late. The time to save Toga was when she was 3 years old. Being 17 means it's all over. Can you save Villains? Yes, but only when they're age 5 or less. So before they became Villains. Before they even become 'misbehaving' children, actually.
So can you save Villains? No.
The satisfaction from Childhood Imagery isn't from solving the problem, it's from a 'what if'.
And that's fine! I love AUs. But I'm not reading fanfic here, i'm reading the canon manga and the story asked 'can the Heroes save the Villains' and the answer is a no. But Maybe In Another Lifetime.
Which is also fine, if we are to take this to mean the Heroes lost and failed. But that is a downer conclusion to give to your heroic protags. idk. Maybe hence the conclusion of 'well, next time then, so just keep reaching out.' But this was the first and only time in the story Ochako tried to reach out to a Villain like Toga so we're starting off not too good, with a total record of 0. Will next time work? Or will it have to happen In Another Lifetime?
(Plus also we don't see that Heroes reach out and save the next crying taboo-quirk 3-year-old. That radio blurb of 'expanding quirk counseling' doesn't count. What does that even mean, 'expanding'? Because more importantly, that wasn't what Toga needed. She needed her parents to not be so emotionally and verbally abusive towards her. She needed a mom and dad that didn't tell her 'we gave birth to something inhuman'. Because her parents couldn't get her into quirk counseling fast enough. They depended on the counselor to 'iron' out her deviancies. What does Expanding quirk counseling solve here? Expand therapy techniques so that the parents can have a quiet child that wouldn't embarrass them so much they have to yell at them that they're subhuman? Is expanding quirk counseling going to do anything about the parents who want those expanded two-hour long sessions, expanded to every day, to 'fix' their child because else they'll have to abuse the abnormalities out themselves?)
(Else they have to lock their kid in a basement? and only when the next disaster comes, the kid can finally escape and get rescued by a guilt-ridden civilian? Instead of a Hero who hasn't done their job of 'saving' at all in this kid's years of suffering????)
Childhood Imagery is so cheap to use. smh horikoshi
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dev-solovey · 1 year ago
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Reading up on the history of American Idiot (album) and realizing exactly how revolutionary it was and I just have to yell about it for a hot second
So, before they started working on American Idiot, the band was having problems and they were thinking they were going to break up. But for a couple of reasons, they switched directions, most notably because they all felt strongly about the Iraq War and how it was manufactured by greed and warmongering from the Bush administration, which was amplified by the news media. I read a quote from Billie Joe Armstrong where he talked about how the news media was becoming "more of a reality show" than it was news, and he couldn't have been more right. In fact, that problem got worse, and now we're living in an era of rampant misinformation where everything is politicized to a point where just supporting human rights for marginalized people is considered controversial. The song American Idiot came out in 2004, and when Donald Trump first visited the UK at the beginning of his presidency, it was the top played song on every UK radio station, 12 years after it was released. Most things would be culturally irrelevant at that point.
When creating the album American Idiot, a lot of thought went into it - they had a very specific message in mind, and their goal was to send that message to youth. This is because they realized at some point that their fanbase was a bunch of teenagers, and even though they hadn't necessarily intended it that way, they suddenly had a platform with the youth of America and they decided they ought to do something good with it. The drummer, Tré Cool, said something along the lines of "I've never really liked the idea of preaching to kids, but I realized we don't really have a choice at this point." And I love that so much because like, so many people who get rich and famous just become completely out of touch, and when they get a platform, it's very easy to exploit that platform, influence them with terrible ideas, or encourage them to act in terrible ways for self-serving reasons (ex: JK Rowling, Andrew Tate, Dream, Logan Paul, Onision, etc etc). Green Day refused to allow themselves to get to that point. They know the platform they had gave them power and they made an active choice early on to be responsible with it. And a lot of that moral code comes from the fact that they came up in the DIY punk scene in Oakland, which held its members to a very high standard of ethics, a code that they still follow even after they were disowned by that scene when they signed on with a major record label in 1994.
The song American Idiot has a message of "this mass media hysteria is manufactured bullshit, don't fall for it," and it is not subtle about that message. It punches you right in the face. I remember being 12 years old and listening to it and thinking, "yeah, I don't want to be an American idiot." And now, at the age of 28, I am a staunch leftist who is firmly against the atrocities the US government commits, and I feel strongly about stopping misinformation. So I can say with absolute certainty that they succeeded.
I also get like, really upset when people say that American Idiot is the album where they sold out, because that's objectively not true, both for the reasons I've provided above, and also because of the song Wake Me Up When September Ends. Not a lot of people know the story behind this song, but it's actually a song that Billie Joe wrote about the experience of his dad dying of cancer when he was 10 years old. The story, as he tells it, is that when he came home from school, his mom gave him the news, and being (understandably!) upset, started crying, ran to his room and slammed the door. When she knocked on the door to try and talk to him, he shouted "wake me up when September ends!!" in response. It took him decades to be able to write this song, and it shows because it's the perfect grief song, having been played at benefits for 9/11, hurricane Katrina, and so on. The first time I heard that song it reduced me to tears, because you can hear the intense sadness in it. A "sellout" would never write a song like that!! (Side note: maybe stop tweeting at Green Day to wake up every October 1st, it's super tone deaf given the subject matter,,,)
Anyway, I think I'm done being autistic about Green Day (that's a lie, they'll forever be my special interest), so TL;DR:
Thank you, Green Day, for creating a generation of leftists who aren't about the bullshit
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mizu0xox0 · 7 months ago
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If the HSR characters were self aware and they can hear everything well I bet my team is sick of hearing Ruler of my heart, Unknown (Till the end) and Cure on loop whenever farming for Aventurines materials. I'm sorry Kafka, Black swan,Ruan Mei and Bailu but Round 6 has sent me into a spiral of emotions. And I don't think any of the characters appreciate that I keep rambling about Ivan and Till, School Bus Graveyard and Aventurine (why him out of all the hsr cast? No idea, apparently I'm what one would call down bad for him.)
Kafka: Well well Elio could never predict this, it's not in the script yet it's here.
Ruan Mei: Maybe I could form a new life form with the rhythm of this music.
Black Swan: About to peer into my memories to find out who's Ivan and Till, what's this school bus graveyard and why I keep talking about a certain blonde gambler.
Bailu: Busy keeping the team alive.
The characters are also not happy one bit that they technically don't have free will so urm they can't really stop the music from playing unless they somehow access my Spotify or music app- (maybe the music lovers enjoy it so like they will try learn the chords of the song, I can see Serval trying to learn the chords for Unknown Till The End.)
But more importantly is if the music was still playing during the story or during the story quest well it would make things so much worse because imagine you're talking to the Trailblazer but both you and the Trailblazer keep hearing the same music on repeat in your heads. Very distracting and irritating right? Especially Sunday, Dr Ratio and Aventurine for that part of the 2.1 story quest.
Sunday trying to speak when all the sudden they hear this "흔들리는 paradigm" and they know aw fuck their gonna hear this for their whole ass conversation in this room together. This is how I imagine it's going:
Aventurine: Haha now that I think about it. This song has such a nice melody right doc?
Dr Ratio: You better stop talking, gambler. This song has given me a migraine from how many times it's been played like a broken record over and over again. You're not helping with your small talk.
Sunday: Trying to use the harmony to block out the music but low and behold it's not working.
It doesn't help if mid way through the quest they hear someone screaming/rambling like a madman about a particular two people called Ivan and Till. Who the fuck are these people and why do you keep talking about them?! Why are they even making you cry?! And what do you mean one of these many songs they hear is a song performed by these two. If the characters ever got access to my Pinterest it's over when they see my recent searches have Ivan and Till along with school bus graveyard.
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hannamoon143 · 4 months ago
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Work harder
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Req by @ot8sworld: Alright so ninth member and y/n is besties / lovey dovey w seungmin if that's ok so there like always together and y/n is really stressed from the new comeback and all themembers are together and she's in the kitchen and starts getting dizzy and yells for seungmin as here and the glass crash down to the floor.im so delulu...Then the members are scared as shit and they all run to her and seungmin is a lil over protective so he's telling them to move and someone teased him but moves then they take her to the hospital and seungmin is really impatient and mad then they get out of there and all the members take care of her. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ILY SM 😛😛😛
Word count: 2,9k
Pairings: Skz x fem ninth member
Warnings: fainting,overworking,stress,kinda bad eating habits,mentions of food,crying, Babes and love as name for y/n used once (not meant in a romantic way. i guess,but we don't know what seungmin thinks so..)
a/n: TYSM for the reqqq,i luv itt.The scene where y/n faints is from my own experience,because something very similar to this happened to me two days ago,so i just wrote how it felt lol. Also let’s just not talk about y/n and seungmin idk what they are helpp.Remember to always take care of yourself,drink enough,sleep enough,eat enough,and never push yourself too much.Enjoy now💖
not proofread
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„Come on boys, one more time won’t kill you.“ you said rolling your eyes. „But you made us repeat if over and over again.��Jeongin says. His voice sounds strained and exhausted. He was right. You were dancing for hours now. It was because you were never satisfied with the whole dance.
You sighed and agreed. You all started packing our things together to head back to the dorms. The comeback was exhausting for everyone of you.But you,you were a perfectionist. Everyday was the same.no matter If you guys would do dance practice,recordings or whatever. you were never satisfied.You made the boys repeat everything over and over again.You told them that this doesn’t fit,that they need to improve that… you knew it was egoistic because honestly you knew that you only did this because you were never satisfied with your own work.You just had to work harder.You wanted to get better.
Seungmin snapped you out of your thoughts. „Want something from the chinese restaurant when we get home ?the guys are ordering.“ you put on a fake smile and answered that you ate before.Yeah okay that was a lie,but you hadn’t got time to eat.You wanted to practice at home,you jsut didn’t get that one step right,and there was one line in that one song that just never satisfied you.Everything needed to be perfect.your voice,the choreo,the music video… you all sat into the van.
The ride home was filled with laughter and jokes like always.But you pretended to be asleep.You hadn’t got the energy to do anything anymore. You knew that everyone was exhausted.your schedules always were tight since the comeback got announced but in the past weeks it got worse. The nearer the comeback came the more stressed you got.you just needed to work harder.you only slept three hours per night,staying awake with energy drinks and coffee.You also didn’t eat much.It wasn’t that you just didn’t want to eat,no it needed so much time,so you sometimes just forgot it.You could use the time the others spended eating working right? you needed to do that if you wanted to give your best.a few days ago you heard chan talking to lee know about you.
„To be honest i think y/n is the most hardworking of us.“
„Yeah,she is working really really hard“ minho replied slight, concern in his voice.
Silence.you imagined them looking at each other with their worried gazes now.you sighed.
„Minho...i’m a bit worried about her.i know she loves all of this and she wants to do it as good as she can but...maybe she should turn it down a bit.“
you didn’t want to hear minhos reply anymore,so you stepped away from where you’ve been listening and go into your room.
That day another idol would have been happy that their leader is thinking that they are that hardworking. they would of course also have changed their schedule so their members would be less worried.But for you it was more of an insult.You hadn’t worked hard enough to not worry them. Egoistic,disappointing,failing.
You only got snapped out of your thoughts again when seungmin gently tried to wake you. You weren’t even really sleeping but you felt too exhausted to get up,so you just didn’t move and also didn’t say anything.Seungmin quietly spoke to chan.He told him he would bring you to your room and changbin could eat his food , cause he wanted to stay with you. That’s what you loved about seungmin.He was so caring in a way that didn’t annoy you right now for once.You loved every single one of your members so much but seungmin was always a bit different.
When you first met seungmin you immediately liked him.he was a little menace but to you he was always everything. You two were best friends before the group even knew each other entirely.He was there if you needed a shoulder to cry on,he was cheering for you when you achieved something and he was laughing for you if you laughed. Your friendship was a nice one.The best. that’s what it was yeah.But sometimes to you it felt like more. Yeah okay the fact that you two kissed sometimes might say that maybe he felt more too.
When seungmin gently lifted you up,one arm under your knees,one on your back you just let it happen. He carries you into your room,laying you down gently in your bed that was filled with plushies and pillows. He pulled a blanket over you,and suddenly you actually felt sleepy.
„Minnie?“ you whispered when he was about to go out. He immediately turned around.
„Stay for a bit?cuddles?“ you hadn’t asked that in a long time.Before everything went so hectic and stressfull you two always cuddled but now you always just sat in your room,working on something. He smiled warmly,walking to you again.He lied down besides you,pulling the blanket over him too.He took you in his arms,and when you felt like you were almost asleep he pressed a soft kiss to your head.Youu nuzzled more into his chest.And in that moment,you felt like maybe everything wasn’t even that bad.Maybe everything would be okay.Then you drifted off into sleep.
But your bad sleeping schedule fromt the past weeks wouldn’t let you sleep longer than two hours. You woke up,feeling sweaty nauseous and cold at the same time. Confused you looked around.Of course seungmin wasn’t around anymore. But you had a weird feeling in your gut. You grabbed your phone and checked the time.you really had only slept two hours,so you still heard the boys voices outside of your room.You sat up,planning on going to the kitchen and snuggle between them.You didn’t want to admit it but you didn’t feel like work.You always worked lately. but somehow there was this weird feeling in your whole body.You stood up but were greeted with a little wave of dizzines. What was happening? You sat down again and suddenly your hands started shaking.You just looked at them,very confused.You stood up again anyways going into the kitchen where all the guys were sitting.
Your legs also had the same shaking like your hands.You felt a bit hot.You were confused what was going on but when you came into the kitchen you were greeted by the happy boys.
„Y/n!you finally made it out of your room once.We all were wondering when seungmin told us you actually fell asleep.“ Felix jokes but with a lighthearted smile.You wanted to respond something clever when also the others started teasing but you just hummed going over to the sink.you needed something to drink, maybe that would make that feeling better.You also felt like your head was spinning now,but your vision was clear. Ok,that was definitely not normal.You leaned to the kitchen counter trying to figure out what was going on. Yeah okay it was obvious that you didnt eat anything than one apple the whole day and also that you never got more than three hours sleep per day the last weeks,and constantly overworked yourself without a singe break but you needed to work. Until now it was fine.You were fine.why were you suddenly feeling like this?
While the other guys teased,seungmin noticed that something was definitely off.ususally you would have snuggled up between them and joined the lighthearted jokes.he got up and walked over to you,laying a hand on your shoulder.
„Babes is everything okay?“ he asked you,looking into your eyes,searching for something he probably might not find.When you suddenly heard his voice next to you your head immediately shot up.You hadn’t heard him coming.You only noticed now that you were so focused on breathing because suddenly your breaths got thin and short. Chan now also noticed something was off,glancing over.
That shit was really scaring.You didn’t know what was going on,you couldn’t control your breaths anymore,your limbs slightly shaking and the weird feeling in your gut mixed with the spinning-pain in your head was so damn confusing. Seungmin was scared.you could tell.He asked you if you were having problems with breathing,he said you need to say something.Then he said your names a few times.But it was like you were trapped in a bubble somewhere wide away from him. He tilted your head up making you look at him.You didn’t know what to do.You clutched to his shirt,panic in the eyes,trying to regulate your breaths.
Seungmin noticed the tight grip on his shirt.Suddenly he also noticed your shaking,the look and the thin breaths.Why didn’t he notice sooner? Now all the other members were looking at you too. You didn’t even notice them going silent.You also sensed chan speaking.He looked at you.Was he speaking to you?You didn’t know.You didn’t care. You suddenly let out a loud sob,greeted with tears. Seungmin was now panicking as much as you did.
„H-hey y/nnie,please talk to me.Hey what is going on?“ his voice is shaky,and all the members look at you.The weird feelings,now all mixed together get stronger and stronger.Seungmin saw the cold pearls on your forehead.He continued his panicked rambling,trying to get a word out of you.The other members are now also stood up,but they are still around the table.
But then suddenly seungmin stops rambling. He hears as your breaths stock.Almost as if they got caught in your chest.Your legs and arms trembling a lot and your eyes searching for something,helpless. He says you need to breath,to focus on his voice,but you couldn’t. So he catches you in the last moment before you crash to the floor.
„Y/N!!“ All the members scream and run to you.Seungmin is holding you in his arms,first helpless.All the members voices mix with some of them cry or scream.All while he is holding you.All while you are not even breathing.
„Stop!!!“ seungmin suddenly yells. All the members go silent.His voice was stern,yet scared.
„Jeongin,get me a towel and cold water,chan call an ambulance,and the rest of you go a step back!“ If the situation wouldn’t have been so serious they would have teased him for playing leader but they all knew how much you meant to him. So they did was he said. Meanwhile he checked your pulse.It was still normal,but you didn’t breath. You didn’t breath. He didn’t know what to do so he did the first thing that came into his mind.He was thankful now,that he watched all these cheesy,hospital dramas with you at movie nights. Mouth to mouth resuscitation.
And it helped.you started coughing.He felt so relived that the sound of your breaths didn’t sound so stuck anymore.Then everything was really quick.and ambulance showed up and seungmin and chan drived with you in it to the hospital.The others wanted to come with you too but chan said they could come after,with the van.
In the ambulance chan spoke to the medic,calm like he always was. Seungmin held your hand,not once looking away from you. You opened your eyes. Where were you? Your eyes went big. „M-min?“ Seungmin immediately responded.He saw your scared look and said: „ Hey it’s okay y/nnie.You fainted and we were all so worried but it’s gonna be okay.We are just driving to the hospital real quick so we can check if everything is okay.“ He gently stroked your hair.You wanted to say so many things.That they didn’t have time for that.That you needed to work,to practice the dance.That you didn’t want to go to the hospital.But you remained silent.
It seemed like you fell asleep or maybe they gave you soemthing to sleep but when you woke up you were in a bed.It wasn’t your bed,it felt cold and unfamiliar.It was a hospital bed.As you looked around you saw the boys standing around a doctor that said something.You tried to concentrate on his voice.
„…. so that means Miss L/n isn’t seriously sick.She seems to have fainted from stress,lack of sleep and food and maybe there is something mental too,but we don’t know what she is thinking so maybe you guys could aske her if something is bothering or stressing her…“
You stopped listening. Of course you were stressed,you all were right?But you thought you balanced everything right.As soon as changbin noticed you were awake he walked over to you.The others immediately followed.Now they all stood around you.Should you say something?They all are silent but seungmin can’t hold it in any longer
„Y/n,why didn’t you tell us you were so stressed?We could have helped you,and you should have thought of a better schedule and god y/n you need to sleep!And i know you sometimes just forget eating when you are stressed but tell us!We can help you y/n,we want to help you.And if you feel like it’s getting too much then please come to us.“
He sounded so desperate,so worried and frustrated.You didn’t know if it was only you but wasn’t there also… diappointment?Of course you knew what seungmin meant.You knew what he was trying to say.But a little piece of you believed that his words meant you were still not working enough.A little voice,that was telling you that you shouldn’t have broke down.That this only showed that you were weak and vulnerable.You remembered that you should probably answer.You hated that your voice sounded so faint and weak.
„I’m trying.“
These two words burned in the boys chests. „Y/n,we know you are trying.You are giving your best and honestly you did even more for the comeback than me.But you don’t need to do this alone.I know something might tell you that you need to work harder,that you need to do this alone but it’s not like that you know.We are a group of nine.There are eight people that you can trust,that love you,that help and support you no matter what y/n.“ chan spoke up.His voice was calm,stern but filled with so much love.
These words slowly managed to get to you,to get into your mind. He was right.This was exactly what you thought but you never realized that it could hurt them,to see you like that. Were they thinking you didn’t trust them anymore?
„Guys...you know that i love you right? Chan you are right,that’s what i thought but not because i don’t trust you,i just felt like i need to work harder.You also do everything so perfect but i never bring so good achievements like you all do.“
„Y/n“ Seungmins voice was now less nervous and desperate „What are you talking about?Your achievements are as good as ours,often even better.And of course we know that you love us.“
Then it was silent again.You didn’t know what to say.All of a sudden felix started smiling and just ran nearer to you and almost hugged you to death. „You are choking mee“i said dramatically giggling.I was glad that the tension broke.Now the others started smiling to and they all joined into a big warm hug.
Maybe it was the warm feeling of having them all hug you,maybe it was the warm undertones in seungmins and chans voice but something made you believe their words. It was like your head was constantly underwater until now and suddenly you got pulled out the water.You finally remembered that you had 8 wonderful guys in your life who would help you,support you and do anything for you.
Bonus: (4 months later)
„Guys the album is released!“ you happily screamed.You all were sitting in front of a countdown since an hour,all nervous if the album would be liked by stays.
You all happily hugged each other.The others did not miss when seungmin was hugging you extra tight. They exchanged knowing grins. „Celebrate our hard work with ramen?“ you asked.the others all agreed,running into the kitchen. Seungmin took your wrist and stopped you in your tracks.The others were all in the kitchen by now,so you were standing alone in the living room. You turned around to him again.
„I’m proud of you Love.“
„What?it wasn’t just me who created this album and prepared the comeback.“ Not gonna talk about the fact he never called you love before and it made your heart flutter
„I’m proud that you actually let us help you,that you finally slept more than five hours again,that you always ate dinner with us and that you came crying to us when it got too much again.“
You quickly thought back of the past four months after what happened.You tried to make a better schedule again,and you managed to get your old sleeping habits back. The guys always took you with them when they were eating dinner,not letting you skip meals.If you were too tired seungmin would just take some of the food on a plate go into your room and watch a drama with you while you ate your food.You also remembered that night when you felt like things were getting so overwhelming again that you couldn’t face them alone so you went into the kitchen,crying and telling the guys how you felt.They took you into their middle,cuddling you and mumbling motivating and caring words, and they helped you even more after that.
You just smiled at him.Not a tired fake smile.A truly happy smile.Seungmin smiled back with his cute puppy smile.Then he pulled you nearer,pressing a soft,tender smile onto your lips.
„Let’s go to the others alright?“
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lowkeyrobin · 4 months ago
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hello if your okay with it could you do a mcyt x reader of reader having been deployed and then like coming home and supprising them or just reader in militrary
thank you
ooo okay! I can definitely try for you! ; thanks for requesting, hope you enjoy! ; tumblr crashed in the middle of Freddie's so his and Tommy's might be very watered down...
MCYT ; deployed
includes ; tommyinnit, badlinu, maxggs, & quackity
warnings ; language, talk about death/murder
masterlist
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TOMMYINNIT
he's so lonely without you bro
he often says "I'm gonna show y/n this" or "I'm calling y/n" to be met with silence or a dial tone
he normally texts you good morning and goodnight even though you can't see them
you turned your phone off when you were coming home so he wouldn't catch on to any of his texts sending or being read
he wasn't home when you returned, but you also didn't know when he'd be back
so you made the quickest trip to party city -in uniform- to grab balloons, streamers and a cake from the bakery next door
kinda weird making your own welcome home party but he'd appreciate it so it didn't matter
you return, and by 7 or 8, he does too
"I'm home!" You exclaim, jumping up from behind the couch
his jaw drops and his heart skips a beat before he runs over to hug you
"oh my god, I missed you so much, you don't even know!"
FREDDIE BADLINU
he usually sends pictures / texts about his day and stuff even though you can't see them nor respond
he also leaves voicemails when he goes out just telling you that he loves you and stuff
you didn't tell him you were coming home, deciding to just surprise him, since you honestly forgot you had a phone
you grabbed some food and wandered around town before going home
in the window you could see max, freddie, harry & tommy streaming in the front room, watching some awful movie
you unlock the door with your house key, and the boys snap their heads to the door, pausing the movie, thinking they were about to be robbed on stream
and in walks you, and freddie runs to you with open arms
"holy shit, why didn't you tell me you were coming home??"
meanwhile tommy grabbed the camera to hastily record the reunion, harry and max watching with smiles beside him
"whatre you watching??"
"a ripoff ratatouille, it's called ratatoing"
MAXGGS
he often talks about how much he misses you and usually streams / records things so he can show you later
soooo many pictures that you've yet to see
you texted freddie and tommy once you got your phone back, informing them you were coming home and wanted to surprise max
they were down with the idea and helped you get back from the airport & went to the store with you to grab a cake and some other little stuff
lots of looks considering you were still in uniform but it's alright
you got home while max was gone, freddie having taken him out for lunch while you and tommy set up the stuff and chilled out for a minute
you were watching the first garfield movie when max and freddie returned
"oh, hey max"
"y/n?? oh my god!"
big reunion hug that freddie filmed for you guys 🫶💔
ALEX QUACKITY
he's always whining and crying about how much he misses you
"I miss y/n 😔☹️"
he spams your phone like once a week, sending you memes and shit
on your way home, you turned on your phone, seeing he was live, making sure not to click on the unread messages
you'd brought home some little souvenirs for him
there was a rubber duck dressed in nationality wear to wherever you were deployed (America with a dumb flag hat & flag, Mexico with a sombrero, etc I think ykwim)
you use your house key to get inside, set your things down, and creep around his office to not alert him that you were home
you open his door, and he initially blames tiger
"bruh, does it look like I'm a cat??"
he looks over st you with a wide smile. "holy shit, y/n!!"
you walk over to hug him and he's holding back tears and shit
"i thought you were out killing people right now?"
"bro, i was just chilling at a base..."
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