#also finished my hardest exams today

[yumiiyummech]

one of my friends are a color lasso artist and i'm literally mesmerized whenever I see them draw

[6ebe]

Me reading journals abt social contract theory and feudalism at 2am to one-up r/asoiaf users but only in my head while I still have 2/3 of my research methods exam due is very funny behaviour

[vickytaa]

Until I found you

Summery: You moved from Boston to LA, leaving your best friends behind. A normal day, you were working as always when..

Words: 2.4k

___________________☆__________________

This week has been so stressful. At work, my boss has been a dick and giving me extra hours. The people that came to the Caffè are such disrespectful with everyone, also with the people who work there, like me.

University, it's been hard, I had to stay awake a couple of nights studying for exams.

My family, fortunately, had been so mindful and helping me with everything they could from Boston.

They call me anytime they can and even text me every day just to see how I am.

I miss them so much. Being apart from them it's just so hurtful, and I am just waiting for December so I can go back home.

Xavier, my boyfriend, has been a bit distant. He knows how stressed I am, but he doesn't understand that what I want for him is to be with me now, instead of leaving me alone.

He just doesn't notice.

Monday

6:30 am

I woke up after sleeping only 2 hours because the night before I kept awake studying quimic, half dead.

I start slowly to open my eyes as I extend my arm to turn off the phone alarm.

Another spectacular day, Monday.

I sit up in bed with little effort while I try to wake me up completely.

I grabbed my cell phone to see if Xavier had sent me any messages cause, yesterday he hadn't come home.

We've been living together for a year, and every time we weren't sleeping there, we would make sure to tell the other.

'He might have forgotten,' I thought.

I get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. What will happen today?

I began to take off my clothes lazily and open the hot water for it to start getting warm, and surprisingly, there wasn't hot water.

'Great'

The day just started.

After bathing with ice water, I changed into work clothes, grabbed my keys, and got into the car.

On my way to the Caffè, 'Remember you - by dominurmom' started playing on the radio, and nostalgia hit.

I've always liked music a lot, but this song made me remember all those amazing moments with my childhood best friend, Nick.

He was the best person on earth, and time was air when I was with him. The laughs were natural, and the holidays with him and his brothers were unforgettable.

I haven't seen him for years, but I knew that if we saw each other again, It would be like before.

I didn't remember why we distanced ourselves because we were inseparable, but the distance killed when it's about relationships.

Leaving him to come to LA was the hardest decision of my life because he wasn't part of my life. He was my life.

When I left, I cried a whole month non-stop. My heart hurt every time it beat.

But it was the best for my future, or that's what I thought.

That song made me remember him because we used to love singing it every time we went camping with his brothers.

I missed them.

And I knew it, my body felt it too, my eyes started to fill with happy tears while I remembered us together laughing.

When I arrived, I didn't know whether to get out of the car. Is this what I always wanted?

I shaked my head to remove that thought of my mind and keep going.

4:25 pm

I was finishing my turn when I started taking someone's order.

"Good evening. What would you like to get today?" I repeated for the 53rd time in the day.

"Our friendship back"

I was shocked, I thought he might have confused me with an old friend, but when I looked up to see who it was, there he was, Nick Sturniolo. My best friend from infancy. A huge smile appeared on his face while our connected eyes started to fill up with tears.

The only thing I did was run into his arms and hug him.

It was like having that part of me that was missing again. A void is now filled.

"Oh my god, where have you been? I've missed you a lot, " I said, super excited. "I've been living for a couple of months here with my brothers, we moved to LA"

"Ohh, that's great, and what about your dream about being youtubers?" I asked.

I already knew that they started a while ago making videos, but I never had the courage to search them, I couldn't look at them after leaving them alone.

"It's fantastic, we already hit 6 million subscribers," He said happily.

"What? That incredible!" I stopped just to take a breath,

"It's a cute surprise to see you around. It's been years." I said while smiling from end to end.

When my turn finished, I went out to accompany Nick to his house, just to get to know it, and also to greet his brothers.

I enjoyed the journey as if it were something I had been waiting for for years, singing our favorite songs again in the car, at full volume with Nick.

When we arrived I couldn't stop laughing, we had been remembering hundreds of memories together.

As I entered the house, I saw Chris and Matt sitting on the sofa. A big smile formed in their faces. They couldn’t believe it; they haven’t seen me in years.

I opened my arms as they ran towards me. I hugged them while I laughed of their faces.

While I was trying to get away a bit to take a breath, I said: “you should have seen your faces”

“This was an unexpected surprise” Matt said, still without letting me go.

“Yes, but the best one” Chris added.

When they let me go, they both looked at me, and I smiled until my cheeks started to hurt.

After a while, we started chatting about our life nowadays, but suddenly I saw it. My most favorite board game was kept on the shelf.

“And do you remember when our math teacher told us to - “Chris was telling us when I interrupted him “Oh my god, I can’t believe it! This is our Monopoly game” I screamed with excitement.

I turned around to see Nick smiling at me. He knew that was my favorite game, and he had saved it all these years.

“Its... it’s the real one? Like, ours?” I asked while little tears of emotion were forming in my eyes.

Nick nodded with his head.

I ran to grab it and started opening it to play while the guys were sitting on the couch around the coffee table.

The three of them were staring at me while I was jumping with excitement.

It was a game that transported me years back when we used to stay up all night playing it.

We played for hours until we finished, and I obviously won, I’ve always been the best one, even when we were kids.

When I noticed the time, I saw it was a bit late, so I said goodnight to the boys, and Matt decided to walk me to the door.

In an attempt to break the silence, Matt said “Hey... uhm.. do you remember our first kiss?”. That was unexpected.

Yes, I remembered it. Every time I saw Xavier or felt his lips on mine ones, all I could think of was Matt.

A day before my departure, Matt and I, 13 years old child, lost in each other’s gaze, without knowing what it meant. Looking at each other, he came closer and let fall his sweet lips on mine with unforgettable delicacy and softness.

Our first and only kiss.

It was magic, like a promise, like a ' I don’t want you to go'.

I saw his blue eyes as I approached the door. A pain began to arise in my chest, I wanted to feel the magic again, but Xavier was waiting for me at home.

“I will tell my boyfriend that I got back together with you again, have driven him crazy with so many stories about you” I said. I knew it hurt him to hear the word *Boyfriend* but it was the harsh truth.

His head looked down but came back to look at me “Goodnight, Y/n” Matt said. “Goodnight Matt” I said and smiled at him. I didn’t want to go, really, but it was what I must do.

Our eyes didn’t let go for about 2 minutes until I decided to turn around and start my way home.

I could feel his gaze on me. Taking the blame, I sat on the car, and when I turned my head to look at him again, he was already gone. The door was closed. I understood him, and immediately I left.

When I arrived home, all that I wanted was to lay in bed and sleep, but clearly that’s not what happened.

I opened the door, and the first thing I saw was Xavier standing in the kitchen. He looked like he had been waiting for a long time.

“Where have you been, I’ve been waiting for ages” His tone assured me that he had drunk a lot.

“With some old friends” I said, clearly upset.

I saw him with challenging eyes. His lips parted, but before he could start whining, I asked, “Where were you last night?". He looked at me and shut his mouth with anger.

Ours was not enough, and we both knew it, but none of us wanted to take charge and broke up with the other.

“With my friend Jess. Much more pretty and friendly than you” he said.

I couldn’t believe him.

“Oh, yes?” I asked. He nodded, and I asked again. “So why are you with me and not with her now?”

“Because I wanted to come here to end up with you. Our relationship was over a long time ago. We don’t have the same connection as in the beginning. You are helpless on housework, and you are not as pretty as before. You were careless about your body.”

Wow, I didn’t see that one coming.

His last words echoed over and over in my head as I tried to stay upright.

“She is always pretty for me; she always makes everything for me to feel good.”

I looked at him dead in the eyes while trying to understand his words.

The air that kept me alive began to get stuck in my throat. A knot of fury and disappointment began to form in my belly.

“And I don’t want you to be mad just that you really need to make yourself pretty again. Like when you used to do it.”

How could he be so rude and careless?

My legs started to wobble. Since I was a teenager, I have dealt with all kinds of anxiety attacks but none as strong as this one.

The only thing I could think of was to escape from there or stay, and he leaves from there.

I needed to say something, I was frozen, but the only thing I said was “Go away”

He knew what he said hurt me, and seeing how much he hurt me or just a part hurt him too, but it was the truth.

He looked at me and started walking in my direction, like he was going to hug me or something. When he was standing next to me, I could smell his stinky alcohol breath. He looked up and down and made his way to the door.

A deep silence invaded the walls of my apartment. My heart beat with pain.

Despite this, I would no longer have to deal with Xavier every time he came home drunk.

I was speechless.

I sat on the couch trying to calm down my tears, but it was impossible, my hands were shaking as I try to catch my breath.

Why me?

I knew I wasn’t the best girlfriend, nor the most pretty, but why did he say it like that? Couldn’t he be more mindful and calmer?

Tying to calm down, filing repeatedly.

I felt useless.

The main thing on my head were his last words replaying over and over.

3:44 am

I knocked the door a few times, without waiting for an answer.

I waited for a couple of minutes before turning around to go back to the car when suddenly I hear the door open.

“Y/n? What are you doing here at- “Matt stopped talking as he saw my red eyes because of how much I cried the last few hours.

He moved a little to let me in, and as I walked inside, he squeezed my shoulder trying to get me comfortable.

“How do you feel?” He asked. A simple question that Xavier never asked me before, he never cared, and I didn’t see it.

“Xavier broke up with me. He said I haven’t worked on my body because I was to focus on other things. I am not as pretty as I used to be” While tears came down through my cheeks.

“And you believe him” It wasn’t a question; it was more of an affirmation. And he was right, I believed Xavier.

My eyes went to the floor, I couldn’t deny it.

“You know, when I was a child, I used to believe that I wouldn’t see the most beautiful girl in the world because she would be a top model from Europe, and that was until I found you” Matt confessed.

When I crossed our gazes again, they were filled with an inexplicable shine.

Our click.

“And since our first kiss, you haven’t left my mind” He added.

“You neither mine” I said.

He placed his forehead against mine and he wrap my face with his big hands, without stopping looking me straight in the eyes.

It was just the two of us, no one else.

We both felt like waiting years for this moment to repeat, but now with knew information of what it was. Love.

The magic we felt when we were teenagers revived.

His lips softly placed on mines.

☆☆☆

Dear diary:

It’s been a couple of months since Matt and I kissed again after our first kiss. Nowadays we are together and very, very happy.

I love him with everything I am, and I am deeply in love with him since I met him, because without knowing, he is the only one who takes my breath away every time he is nearby.

I will stick some pics of him to remember.

___________________☆__________________

Heeyyyy, did you like it??

:)))

[nillthirteen]

Ooh! About my previous ask about boss fights, I've just come up with another question for that, if you wanna answer it (For the DS one or future ER one.):

Which boss do you think has the most *awe-inspiring* presentation?

Oh I really like this actually!

SPOILERS FOR ELDEN RING AND SHADOW OF THE ERDTREE

Also word vomit below.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I'm not super sure to be honest, it's definitely a multi-way tie. That being said, none of the Dark Souls bosses really hold a candle in terms of presentation to any of the Elden Ring fights. Not played enough of DS3, DS2, or Bloodborne to rate any of them, so maybe we'll revisit the concept once I have.

The Midra fight is one of maybe three fights that actually made my jaw drop, due to my fascination with the lore, and the presentation does nothing to hurt that. The Consort Radhan fight did the same thing, but I still prefer the presentation of the original. He feels so much larger than life, and despite his huge frame, immense strength, and array of moves, you're still shown how he's a fraction of the man he was. To be honest, I think that mystique of imagining how powerful Radhan was is more interesting than what we're actually shown.

Anyway, getting off track. I think the lion dancer, because of it's fucking incredible animations, and how they sync with the music make it feel like a playable cutscene, and it's so damn cool. It's one of those magical moments in a game, where everything works together so well, it transcends everything, and becomes, as Noodle put it, "playable concept art".

But I do have one I prefer.

Back in January, when I was playing through Elden Ring for the first time properly, I finally reached Maliketh at the start of a 2 week break off school. I was so hyped to sink my teeth into the game and get all the way through, and I figured he'd maybe take a day or two to learn and finish. Problem was, he countered my build. Hard. I was a Greatsword user, and surprisingly fragile to any kind of status effect. Maliketh did holy damage, and given the speed of his animations, and my limited range of damage, if I got hit once, it was enough to kill me within a couple of seconds, plus it lowered my max health, so the next time would definitely be fatal.

I ended up having to learn to do the fight hitless.

This took two weeks.

I want you to imagine, for a moment, a young trans girl, sitting in a dark room, staring intensely at the screen as she does her tenth run of a boss in about an hour, desperately hoping she'll be able to beat it today, because she knows she won't get another chance for another two weeks, thanks to mock exams.

A young woman, going through one of the hardest points of her life, clinging to one of the few things that gave her a sense of accomplishment and joy. Something which had gotten her through some very tough nights.

Imagine, now, you are this girl. And you begin the run. You slip through every attack, weaving in and out, a cloaked figure swiping blindly, as you pick and choose the exact attack animations which take advantage of the gaps in an attack, punishing even when there's no window, finding your own opportunities to attack, dissecting every moment. You reach the second phase, your now massive, burning, and armored opponent, flinging himself from height to height, spinning about with the force of a helicopter, and you do not slow down. You keep pace, weaving and dodging as the healthbar slowly wittles down. In this moment, there is no divide between you and your character. There is no distance, to be bridged by story or setting. You note a small opening in the boss's swing, you risk it, make it, and land the killing blow.

In that moment, I experienced something quite unlike any other game I have ever played. The presentation had me fully enveloped, and worked in complete parity with everything. It was one of the most incredible moments I've ever had in a game.

In conclusion, Soldier of Godrick wins.

[roseofdarknessblog]

Anatomy lesson (Reiner Braun x Reader)

Word count: 1 705

Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes

Warning: modern AU, slight nsfw

Summary: Being a med student was never easy. But your beloved boyfriend Reiner Braun was eager to help you get your degree. Even if it involved long hours of helping you study and occasionally being your test subject. Or in this case, the best study partner for going over your old anatomy lessons.

Anatomy lesson

For someone who hated studying so much you chose the hardest degree in the entire universe. Medicine fascinated you your entire life. You dreamed of becoming a doctor since you were just a little girl. And now here you were... only a few months from graduating med school with amazing grades and a lot of opportunities for future residencies.  

Did it make you happy? Yes, of course.

Did it also ruin your life on a daily basis? Yes, of course.

„Hey there, sweetheart,“ said a familiar voice as soft lips kissed you behind your left ear. Strong arms wrapped around your waist from behind and pulled you into a tight hug. Your back lightly bumped into a broad chest you loved using as a pillow. „Can I join you?“

„You scared me, where did you come from? I didn’t hear you unlocking the front door,“ you said a little shaken, looking over your shoulder at the familiar face. Hot water from the shower had already soaked his blond hair and made the longer strands stuck to his forehead. „How long have you been home?“

„Ten minutes maybe, don’t know. I wanted to wait for you in the living room, but you always take forever in the shower.“

„Yeah, I’m guilty of that,“ you admitted and gently brushed your lips against his mouth. „How was your day at work, darling?“

„Tiring as usual, but nothing a good warm shower with you couldn't wash away,“ Reiner said softly, his voice making you feel pleasantly warm on the inside.

You lived for long and impossibly hot showers. It was one of your favorite ways to unwind after a long and hard day. And today had been one of those. Even though you spent it at home, the last twelve hours were filled with studying, studying, and more studying. Just like the last couple of days. But despite that, you still felt like you knew absolutely nothing.

„And how was your day? You barely replied to my texts.“

„Filled with anatomy, mostly. I was going through old pre-recorded lessons from our professor, taking additional notes, making some new flashcards and stuff like that.“

„That’s why you’re listening to... whatever the hell you are listening to right now. Usually, you just blast some music while you shower and sing along, but today...“ said Reiner with a quiet laugh as the voice of your professor kept speaking from the laptop placed on the washing machine.

You felt guilty about taking a long break since you still didn’t cover all the study material you wanted today. Taking your laptop to the bathroom with you and leaving on one of the lectures was a fairly good tactic. But just until you almost completely zoned out and paid more attention to the water drops running down the walls.

„I don’t think I can contain any more information even though I am just going over materials I've already studied. But at the same time, I have a feeling that I know absolutely nothing. Like you can ask me about any topic and I’m just gonna blanky stare at your face like you were speaking in some foreign language.“

„You say that every time and then come home with the best grade possible,“ he says, leaning against your bare back and kissing you on the shoulder. „I'm sure you know everything you need, you've had anatomy before and did great. And the exam is next week you still have plenty of time to study some more.“

„I don’t think I have any energy left for that.“

„Come on, the finish line is just a few steps away. You made it too far to give up now.“

„I’m not giving up, just...“ you breathed and quickly turned around in his embrace, wrapping your arms around his neck and standing on your tiptoes to kiss him. Your and Reiner’s height difference was all fun and games until you had trouble kissing him whenever you wanted. He needed to bow his head a little so you could reach his lips comfortably. „I’m tired, Reiner.“

„But you’re doing great, baby. I’m really proud of everything you do every single day. Even the tiniest, most ordinary things.“

„But the tiniest and most ordinary things are not gonna get me my medical degree.“

„Maybe not, but they are an important part of our lives. You can’t just focus on one thing and ignore the rest. Life comes as this one really big thing made out of million smaller ones which are all almost equally important.“

You smiled a little and placed another kiss on his soft lips. Kissing Reiner was one of the single best things in the whole wide world. And you had the privilege to do so for the last four years. The two of you met just before you started med school, so he’s been with you through it all. Your best and worst days. He helped you study for many exams and sat with you patiently when you needed a volunteer to learn anatomy for the very first time or practice clinical skills before your rotations in the hospital.

He was always there. Always. Supporting you and loving you every step of the way. Helping out with housework, mostly cleaning and cooking when he had time after or sometimes even before going to work himself. You couldn’t imagine your life without him by your side. Some days you were so overwhelmed by the love he made you feel that you couldn't even remember how you used to live before meeting Reiner.

Were you truly living or just surviving? Waiting in the shadows for the greatest gift the universe had to offer?

Med school was undeniably hard and it took a lot of your free time. You spent long hours with your nose stuck in books and study materials, and even longer hours in the hospital wards. But Reiner was patient. He planned cute small dates, waited for you after your unpaid shifts at the hospital, and planned his own schedule around your needs.

You viewed him as the most stable element in your life.

And for that, you were eternally grateful.

„I believe in you, sweetheart. You can do anything you set your mind to,“ he said lovingly, cradling you in his strong embrace, and pulling you even closer to his chest.

There weren’t enough words in this universe you could use to express your love for this man. You were just so unbelievably grateful for his presence in your life. He could turn even your worst days into ones with beautiful memories and lots of love.

„Do you want to study some more tonight?“ You nodded your head, gently brushing your lips against his collarbone. One of your hands travels up his muscular back, rubbing soothing circles on his warm skin. „And would you like me to help you?“

„You should rest, Reiner.“

„I have a day off tomorrow so I’ll have plenty of time to rest then. Tonight I’m all yours.“

„How did I get this lucky?“

Without an answer, Reiner made you take some steps backward until your back lightly hit the wet wall. His hands came down to your hips, gently squeezing them as his lips found yours again. His kisses became more and more passionate, loving, and tender at the same time.

„You look so beautiful with your hair wet,“ he whispered into your lips, proceeding to plant small kisses along your jaw and neck. „Just so so beautiful,“ he continued in a low, raspy voice. His lips swept over your collarbone, lovingly kissing one concrete spot before he sucked the skin between his teeth.

„Reiner...“

Your body tensed a little, and your breath caught in your lungs as a soft whimper escaped your mouth. Reiner smiled against your skin, sliding his right hand down your thigh, the other one still resting on your hip.

„You wanted help with anatomy, right? I think this is the best and most efficient way. Practical skills before theory, am I right?“ he asked jokingly before kissing you between your breasts and sliding both of his hands around your waist and down under your butt. His toned muscular arms picked your up with ease.

Wrapping your legs around his waist, you kissed his lips again, playfully taking his lower lip between your teeth. „I’m not so sure, Reiner. How should this help me pass my final exams?“ you asked just a little out of breath, gazing right into his golden eyes. Gosh, you loved their color so much. In the sunlight, they sometimes looked like pools of sweet honey.

„I’ll show you in a bit, sweetheart.“

„Oh, okay. Go ahead, big boy,“ you teased him and cupped his face in your hands. He didn’t have time to shave this morning, but you didn’t complain even a little bit. The slight stubble around his chin, and lips looked really good on him.

„But we should move to the bedroom, it has a better... vibe for this kind of activity.“

„As you wish,“ you whispered submissively, reaching out your hand and without looking stopping the shower. Cold air almost immediately brushed against your heated skin, making you shiver in Reiner’s embrace. „Just be careful and don’t slip on the wet tiles like last time. You almost broke my arm.“

„That was a stupid inconvenience, and it won’t happen again. I’m always being careful with you.“

„Just until you lose yourself in the heat of the moment.“ Your lips pressed a small kiss to the right corner of his mouth as he carefully stepped out of the shower. He was always very careful and gentle around you like he was afraid of accidentally hurting you in any way. „Shouldn't we grab a couple of towels or dry ourselves first? The whole bed will be wet otherwise.“

„Who cares,“ Reiner murmured into your ear and made his way to your shared bedroom.

Your laptop stayed in the bathroom, the professor's voice from the pre-recorded lecture still sounding through the apartment. His anatomy lectures were always one of your favorites. But they were just too theoretical.

Nothing could've compared to the anatomy lessons you taught yourself with the eager help of your boyfriend.

[dancergurl3000]

It’s been almost ten years since I graduated college. And in that ten years so much has changed. I’ll be breaking down this morning just exactly what has changed before my very eyes. Think of it. I remember it like yesterday. It is August 2015. I had an IPhone 6. The iPhone has just come out. I had broken my IPhone 4 and 5 my junior year of college. This time though, I wouldn’t be living in a dorm room. This time I was living in an apartment downtown with four other girls. My brother had just been in a drunken fall, and I didn’t know if he was going to come out of it alive. I’ll admit it, back then, when I was 24 I was more than a little perplexed anyways to finish college. It was like I knew what was coming. There seemed to likely be two presidential candidates, and I was already out in Oneonta anyways taking a summer class. I was to graduate though in December. My college career was ending. The party essentially was over. Needless to say my last semester there was my hardest. It reminded me of my senior year of high school: hard and unrelenting. I certainly didn’t know what I was going to do for work after graduation, and it’s really not like it mattered. Turns out the drama that I left back in high school returned when I finished college. Finals week December 2015 someone had posted to Facebook, an angry sophomore that he was going “to shoot up Oneonta state” the Monday during finals week. Graduation was that Sunday and it was a blur. I don’t remember most of it. I don’t even think we had a speaker tell us words of wisdom. Everyone was just on high alert that day. Scared shitless I guess. Then I got in trouble. I was censored on my college campus. I really thought I was going to be expelled, kind of like I thought I would be expelled for punching Armin in the shoulder after he had hugged me from behind and grabbed my stomach one day junior year of high school after English class. I was taking an exam for an adjunct professor. At the test he told me that he thought I had dyslexia. I was stunned. All I could think was: “you’re telling me this right now when I’m trying to finish taking your test?” And someone who I thought was a friend saw me coming out of that classroom sobbing. So she messaged me on Facebook. I messaged her the phrase “I could kill said Professor”, and she handed those messages into the police. I followed their instructions: I was banned from campus. I was only allowed to come back to campus to take my exam and then I could never be allowed to be on Oneonta state’s property again. I mean I was incredulous. Who hasn’t had those thoughts about someone they are upset with? And did Oneonta state’s staff really think that I could come back to campus and hurt said professor? I had no plans to hurt this professor. But here’s where free speech should be protected not limited. Because what I said IS Free Speech. In no way would I carry anything out. I was just shooting off at the mouth! But when you’re doing that today, you better be careful. It almost cost me my college degree. Needless to say I don’t miss school. Either I went to the wrong ones, or I just didn’t go to ones that supported free association, free thinking, free speech, and a channel to complain to about sexual harassment and assault. If schools in New York State have “zero tolerance” policies where you could be arrested for having advil on you, but also: “boys will be boys”, and “there will be no thinking for yourself here”, where does that leave the rest of us? To that professor, obviously I wished him no harm. I just was upset with being told something that no student should hear while taking a test. And it turns out I wasn’t alone in thinking that he was just an asshole teacher. My only girlfriend at the time babysat his kids and they were spoiled little brats she told me. All I really knew was I worked hard and I wasn’t protected. Nobody stuck up for me. Nobody said: “this is wrong.” “She should be able to say anything she wants to.” Please remember to stay vigilant, otherwise you lose everything you’ve worked for.

[jeongyunhoed]

As seen on my FF.net

Following the events of fifth year, a new adventure awaits for Norah Lee. Boys, exams, school events, common room parties, and old foes outside of Hogwarts. Even battling pensieve guardians was easier than this.

Main Pair: OC/? Genre: Adventure/Angst/Fluff (it's a little of everything, tbh)

KEEP IN MIND: Characters are aged up (even if the story's got them in sixth year) to make it more appropriate. Time period is leaning towards the modern day so in case you might find anachronisms in the dialogue or references, this is why. This may also be quite a lengthy fic too.

BE WARNED: Social anxiety, mentions of blood and injury, grief, drinking, kissing but nothing more than that, death (this is Hogwarts Legacy, after all)

P.P.S: Another terrible attempt at poetry ahead, but the last note, the poem in that one is from Perry Poetry. Emotional rollercoaster 2.0. Any guesses as to who "Nick" is? HEHEHEHE

Masterlist

Chapter 8

"For today's lesson, we're tackling a few things," Professor Hecat told the class the next day. "Cursed barrier spells, the imperturbable jinx, and the sea urchin jinx," She explained, the latter inciting chuckles from the students. "But before we get onto that, I'd like to commend you all for finishing what I will definitely describe as a long and time-consuming essay on banshees, flesh-eating slugs, and kappas."

Professor Hecat moved the tables to the side once again. "We've got quite a few hours on us today, so a review is also in order. Miss Lee, please step forward," She looked at Norah.

Norah was met with nudges from Natty and Leander, and knowing looks from Sebastian and Ominis as she went to the middle of the room. Professor Hecat conjured the training dummy in front of her, pushing the boggart closet close by. "Bloody hell, Hecat's going to unleash a boggart on Norah," Leander muttered.

"I wonder what form it's going to take in front of her," The Gryffindor Cressida Blume, whispered.

Norah felt her heart pound upon seeing the possibility of the boggart closet. She wondered what was going to come out from there. "Yes, Professor?" She said.

"Since you have undoubtedly some, or may I say, the most experience among your peers in this room, think of the training dummy as an inferi. Begin," Professor Hecat gestured. "Non-verbally, of course."

Norah nodded, glancing at Sebastian and Ominis, who were giving her knowing nods. One, incendio, two, confringo, three, incendio, four, confringo, with the fifth being diffindo. The rest of them clapped when she stepped back, and Professor Hecat looked proud. "10 house points if you can all identify which spells Miss Lee used."

"Show-off," Sebastian teased, making her laugh.

Several of them raised their hands. Professor Hecat ended up calling on Leander, who answered all three spells correctly. "10 points to Gryffindor, thank you Mr. Prewett," Professor Hecat nodded.

Norah gave him a thumbs up. "Merlin, how did you get around to learning confringo?" The tall Gryffindor whispered. She tilted her head toward Sebastian, who grinned. "Ah, figures," He chuckled, stepping aside.

"Well done, next up, the boggart, if you remember what to do when facing a boggart, do so non-verbally," Professor Hecat instructed, even when Norah was asked to return to the middle.

She felt an increasing feeling of anxiety, when the closet was pushed forward, the training dummy vanishing with a quick evanesco. The closet burst open, and Norah could feel her heart pounding.

The figure of Professor Fig emerged, and the room had gone quiet. Sebastian's expression fell, as did Natty's, watching Norah face the boggart in the form of their late professor.

"R-" Norah mumbled, trying her hardest to shake off the sudden fear and sadness that came from seeing Fig's dark expression, trying to walk up to her. She swallowed hard, and closed her eyes, trying to concentrate. Riddikulus. Riddikulus. Riddikulus!

The boggart form of Fig turned into a puffskein that rolled around the closet. Norah fell to her knees, looking quite shaken, tears rolling down her cheeks. Sebastian quickly helped her up, and it was then she was made aware that everyone in the room was staring at her, all of whom looked concerned, some sad. Professor Hecat looked just as concerned. "I guess we'll have to move along, but well done, Miss Lee. Mr. Sallow, will you mind accompanying her outside for some fresh air?"

Sebastian nodded, leading her outside the classroom while Professor Hecat continued with the review. "Are you alright?" He said, trying to wipe her tears with his sleeve. "You did well in there, with that boggart."

The floodgates opened, and Norah burst into tears, hiding her face in his shoulder as she sobbed. Sebastian held her, rubbing her back in an effort to calm her down. He could feel how much pain she held inside, masked behind a calm and confident facade. He knew what happened will spread throughout the school, and he wasn't sure if Norah wanted to know. Not that she cared, but this was one of those rare moments when he saw the kind of person she really was.

If anything, it just made him fall harder for her.

"I'm sorry," Norah slowly pulled away, wiping her eyes and sniffling. Sebastian continued to wipe her eyes. "Oh this is great, this is embarrassing," She tried to laugh it off, her eyes still red. "I'm sorry."

Sebastian shook his head. "It's alright. You were just scared, it was a boggart, it would've scared anyone," He assured her, wiping some more tears away with his thumb, his hand resting on her cheek, as if wanting her to lean into it.

Norah sniffled and shook her head. "It's just...what would they think of me now? Cowering at the sight of Fig?" She whispered, not wanting to go on about how she felt when she knew the freckled brunette was aware.

"They didn't know Fig the way you did. What was it about Fig that terrified you?" He said softly.

"Just-" Norah looked down, still too embarrassed. "I just remember those last moments I had with him. He wasn't sure about my decision to open the repository down there, and me taking the power to build on what Isidora worked on, knowing what I know. But Ranrok arrived, with Miriam's wand, he revealed he killed her, and when Fig got angry at him, the stone pillars fell, even more when Ranrok forced it open anyway," She said.

Sebastian wasn't sure what else he could say, and instead accompanied her to the restroom where she quickly washed her face. When she stepped out of the bathroom, that was when Sebastian found the words to what he wanted to ask. "Do you blame yourself for him dying? It seemed like Ranrok is the one who sent that stone down and killed him, not you."

"It certainly feels like it was my fault," Norah swallowed hard. "That's why I plan to do what I'm going to do to make up for it. Even if it's too late."

It made Sebastian think of his own situation, of his own uncle Solomon. Even if Solomon harbored a lot of resentment towards him because of Anne getting cursed and their parents' death, it didn't justify the use of avada kedavra. Even when the truth was revealed, Sebastian had now understood that it wasn't as simple as harboring hatred for goblins. He knew he fully deserved to be locked up, yet they didn't turn him in.

He knew he had the rest of his life to make up for what he did. Norah's words seemed to give him some assurance that he could only make things right even if it's too late.

They returned to the classroom just in time for Professor Hecat to introduce the new spells they were set to learn. When she stood beside Ominis, no longer wanting to draw further attention, the blonde reached out to her, gently patting her wrist. "Are you alright?" He whispered.

Norah hummed. "I will be, I'm sorry. That was embarrassing wasn't it?"

"Of course it wasn't," He said. Even if he couldn't see what happened, he felt how shaken she had become. All the while hoping that maybe he should've been the one who also stepped up to help her get some air. His hand moved down from patting her wrist to gently tugging on her fingers, as if to further assure her that everything was going to be okay. And it was, as Ominis firmly decided from then on, that he would try and protect her no matter what.

~

To Norah Lee,

I see without seeing, To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. Answer this riddle to get to me, For I plan to wipe your tears, hopefully I hope this note puts a smile on your face, And to remind you that everything will be okay. Whisper the answer to a close friend, You'll know who I am by the week's end.

You will know if you are right, Wait for my note tomorrow night.

Your Nick

Norah read the note over and over again during lunch. The gears in her mind were already turning, full of suspicions as to who "Nick" was. She was a step closer to figuring out who it was from this note. There was that feeling of anticipation, that maybe, perhaps, "Nick" was the very person she was starting to have feelings for. Then again, it could've been any sixth-year boy at this point. It was possible that any of her friends told "Nick" things about her, what she liked, what she didn't like.

Since the moment she started feeling like she was beginning to care more for this person, Norah also regretted trying to keep things as they are. When all she wanted was to maybe, spend more time with him. Maybe talk to him more, break the ice a little more until there was nothing left.

But, at least what Norah thought, he might feel like they were out of each other's leagues. If things worked out, people might be in for a surprise, that much she knew. She knew that a potential relationship with him would lead to some backlash, but she was prepared either way. Norah sighed and put the note down. It was too early to think like things were already working out between them.

She looked around, hearing faint whispers of possibly what happened to her during Defense Against the Dark Arts. The embarrassment crept in once again, and she had the urge to just head down to the nearest creature lair and take out a few. But she knew she couldn't. That kind of activity no longer happened as much.

Norah got up, clutching the note as she left the Great Hall, wanting to spend the rest of the lunch period in the Room of Requirement, where she could get back to studying. Deek could always summon food from the kitchens if she asked. As she was about to head up the main staircase, she was stopped by an owl that dropped a letter in front of her.

It was from "Nick" again, she was certain, from how the owl went straight to her. There was a sense of urgency about the owl, and she quickly gave it a treat before it flew off. "Another letter from "Nick" ?"

Natty was coming down the stairs with Nellie Oggspire when they saw her. "Yeah," Norah nodded, looking at her name written on the envelope. "Hi Nellie" She said.

"Hey Norah!" Nellie waved. "I heard you're taking part in Summoner's Court again this year."

She eyed her friend, who tried to avert her gaze, then laughed. "Yes, unfortunately. I would gladly relinquish my title as Summoner's Court champion but Natty here doesn't want me going easy on the boy who could be her summoner."

Natty side-eyed her, while the two of them laughed. "The whole school's been on about who could be your summoner, Norah," Nellie pointed out. "I heard there are bets being placed, but if you ask me, they might be wrong."

"Bets? They're taking bets? Who do they think it is anyway?" Norah was curious. It was a way to narrow down her suspicions as to who it was.

Her question made the two Gryffindor girls grin. "Well, one of them is betting on Garreth, which isn't surprising since they always mention your escapade in Hogsmeade for him," Nellie explained, raising a brow. "They're also betting on Prewett, since the two of you studied together in the Astronomy wing too."

Norah chuckled. "That was only one time with Garreth, and I actually get a lot of homework done whenever I have the chance to study with Leander," She shrugged. "Did they bet on others?"

They nodded. "Well, look no further for the other two," Nellie said.

"No further? You mean-?" Norah stared at them.

"Yeah, Sebastian and Ominis." Natty said. "I heard the fifth years saying that the two of them seem to be the most likely ones, since you spend time with them the most."

Interesting, she thought. "Anyone else?" Norah asked.

"Well," Nellie and Natty exchanged looks. "Someone's apparently betting that it's Amit even," Nellie said.

Norah looked at them incredulously. "But how can he be the summoner when his own name was taken down?" She said.

"That's what I was wondering too," Natty chuckled. "But Amit seems unlikely. He doesn't flirt with you, he's just a really nice guy."

"Yeah," She agreed. "Well, at least that kind of narrowed it down, I guess. He did say I'll know who he is by the week's end," She held up the other note.

"Good for him. Quite brave of him to ask the Hogwarts hero, I must say," Nellie teased, and Norah shook her head. "Face it, Lee. All the boys would want you to be their date to the Yule Ball, even more so at the common room parties. Everyone will be anticipating who that will be."

"I don't know, after my embarrassing reaction during Defense Against the Dark Arts, I might have put off a lot of them," Norah looked around, catching the gaze of some fifth-years who immediately averted their stares and kept walking.

"That's not true, don't say that," Natty frowned, as did Nellie. "You reacted like everybody else probably would. That is nothing to be embarrassed about. It was a boggart after all."

Norah bid them goodbye, telling Natty that she'll go ahead to Hogsmeade after class to grab a butterbeer before their next astronomy table hunt. She was determined to shake off what happened to her in class. When she arrived at the entrance of the Room of Requirement and stepped inside once the door opened.

Deek had appeared at the same time, tidying up the entrances of the vivariums. He stood up when he saw Norah come in. "The thestral and unicorn offsprings have grown up now, Miss," He said.

"Do you think it might be time to release them?" Norah asked, slipping on dragonhide gloves to carefully harvest some of the mandrakes and chomping cabbages. "Do you think you can summon some food from the kitchens?"

Deek smiled and with a snap of his fingers, they heard a table of food emerged in the other room. "Anything else?" He asked.

When Norah took off the gloves, she shook her head. "Come and eat with me. You've been keeping an eye on everything whenever I'm not here, you need a break too."

"Oh, Deek has already eaten," The house elf replied with a smile. "But I can call your friends to come in and join you if you'd like?"

She shook her head, realizing there was no use trying to convince him otherwise. "How is his Lordship?"

"Doing very well," Deek said. "He's very happy being surrounded by company."

Norah looked up at the vivarium where the graphorn was housed. It made her think of the boys Natty and Nellie mentioned. Sebastian and Ominis were likely in the Undercroft or back in the common room. As for Garreth and Leander, she didn't know much about where they might be other than the Great Hall.

"I'll be right back. I might have to drag a certain Ravenclaw boy from his telescope to eat something," She said, almost sprinting out of the room and up the spiral staircase. Norah skidded to a halt when she saw Amit, busy peering through his telescope while taking notes for his star charts. "Thakkar!" She called out to him.

"Why the last name all of a sudden?" Amit was quick to retort, getting up from the floor. "Are you okay? I heard about what happened in Hecat's class."

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. I've got a spread in the room and I can't finish all of the food. Take a break from the stargazing during the day and have a meal," She suggested.

Amit nodded a little embarrassed with Norah's remark about stargazing during the day. "Alright, let's go. We'll be going for another astronomy table hunt, right? Further into the Forbidden Forest," He said, quickly putting his things together to follow her down to the room. "Do you mind if I brew some of the potions in the room?"

They returned to the room, where Deek seemed to be standing by and waiting for them. "Hello, Deek!" The Ravenclaw was quick to greet, before they went down the little staircase to where the spread was laid out. "House elves always tend to outdo themselves."

They sat down and immediately helped themselves to the nearest servings of food on the table. Norah chuckled, remembering what she told Natty and Poppy the other day. She was glad that Amit became her friend. Even after the ordeal at the mine, they remained friends and became even better friends by the end of fifth year and to this day. She always appreciated his love for astronomy and ambition to write a memoir and even an account of what she went through.

It was probably because of his focus on astronomy and even learning gobbledegook that Amit had a calming presence in their little group. His head was in the clouds, while the rest of them were stuck with the chaos that took place everyday on the ground.

"Got any idea of who summoned you?" Norah thought to tease, curious as to how he had been doing since Ronen started the assignment. "Natty and Poppy already know who took their names."

Amit nearly dropped his fork and knife, flustered with her question. "I have no idea what you mean, Norah Lee," was all he could say.

She raised a brow. "You're not terrible at charms either. In fact, you're rather good at Charms, so you were either summoned or you did the summoning, hmm?"

Amit shook his head. "A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell."

She laughed. "Did you kiss your summoner?! Amit! Bloody hell!"

Her question made the Ravenclaw laugh as well. "No, I did not, but if you really want to know, it was Samantha who summoned me. She told me not long after Ronen announced the assignment," He admitted.

"Well she is good at Summoner's Court after all," Norah agreed. "She seems to really like you, though. Just as much as we do."

"She does," He said quietly, pausing to take a sip of pumpkin juice. "Who has summoned the Hogwarts hero, then?"

"No idea, really," She shook her head. "I only found out that my name was summoned after Sebastian told me. After I told them I haven't had a go at the board. I've been getting letters from a boy who calls himself "Nick" with riddles," She took out the note she had already opened. "The answer to this is a bat."

"A bat? Hmm," Amit hummed in thought. Even he was aware that there were bets being placed on who took Norah's name from Ronen's board.

Norah suddenly took out the new envelope that she received before coming to the room. As if like last time, there were confetti hearts that spilled out on her place setting. Taking out the green card, she saw the silver ink that had the all-too-familiar message.

To Norah Lee,

It was you, It was me, It was the silence underneath the stars That understand my heartbeat and its racing. You told me nothing, I believed everything, In that moment I found life In that moment I found you.

It would be an honor to have a moment of your time, To see your eyes maybe looking into mine. They come out at night without being seen, And are lost in the day without being stolen. Answer this riddle to get to me, Whisper this in a close friend's ear.

You will know if you are right, Wait for my note tomorow night.

Your Nick

"This note is a long one," Norah said quietly, reading it again when she had a second serving of chicken. "But he's quite a poet, it seems. Now I'm even more curious as to who this 'Nick' is after sending me all these notes with riddles and poems."

Amit looked intrigued. "Nick and Norah, I shall look forward to seeing the two of you together." He said, grinning as he finished his meal.

"That's not even his real name, at least I think it isn't," She said. Amit shrugged. "Nicholas Carrow is a fifth year. He's the only Nicholas I know in this school, well, aside from Nearly Headless Nick."

The mention of the ghost made the two of them laugh out loud. "Then I must admit, Nearly Headless Nick knows a good one when he sees them," Amit teased.

Norah read the note again, staring at the riddle portion. "Stars. The riddle is stars," She said. "At least I think the answer is stars," She showed him the note.

Amit took a quick glance and nodded. "Indeed it is. Are you sure you're not really a Ravenclaw?" He teased.

"Despite blue being my favorite color, I'm afraid not," She shook her head, putting the note down to finish her plate of food.

[taintedtruths]

when i was young, i used to wonder what it would be like when school would end. 16 years of my entire life, spent with this BIIIG family of more than 100 people. it really was just as much of an escape from home like my books are from reality. i loved school. in fact i loved it so much, id go to check during the holidays and make sure its closed. its ironic isnt it? most people hate school because of how much it makes them suffer. now that school is finally over for me, i know exactly the kind of hurt it makes u feel.

i started filming different parts of my school a few months ago, thinking i have loads of time left to finish capturing each and every single corner. while i kept waiting for the perfect moment, i didnt realise my time was already over. though we have exams coming up, its never gonna be the same.

life's never gonna be the same.

today was the last day of my school. i was so overwhelmed with my emotions that i forgot to feel them once i entered the building. the fields, the grass, the sky, the tears, the smiles and all that makes sense didnt but also did make me feel tons of sentiment, all at once. why is it that just when u want to cry ur heart out and laugh with ur friends till ur lungs fall off is exactly when the universe decides u get to feel everything and nothing at the same time?

ik ik, everyone says goodbyes are the hardest. but it really is. specially with the people that u practically grew up with. today i hugged and spoke to people who gave me wonderful memories of my school life when i was only FIVE YEARS OLD. thats so young?????? just the subtle hint of innocence in that particular moment says everything about how ur school friends will ALWAYS be the most precious. and thats something that i just cant come into terms with. but the fact that i have to live and breathe knowing that im not in school anymore, getting excited for cultural events and crying before tests is not something that i anticipated to get taken away from me THIS FAST while i throw my graduation cap at the sky, waiting for it to fall back on my head and all snapping back into some kind of a dream.

not just yet. its too soon.

[idunnowhatimdoingatall]

I HATE MATHS YOU CAN SUCK MY BALLS

Guys we just had maths exam on Monday and I’m dead. Math sucks. The person who made our tests used past paper questions FROM A DIFFERENT EXAM BOARD AND WE LITERALLYL HAVE NOT DONE THOSE TYPES OF QUESTIONS IM GONNA KMSSSS

Anyways, I also had business today yayyy. Business what a bit better since I finished all the questions although my arm is dead. My arm muscles are so fucking sore I just can’t no more 😔 Well at least business went better than maths ig.

Bro last year maths was literally one of the easiest subjects for me (aside from ESL lol) BUT NOW ITS LITERALLY THE HARDEST WTH 😭 How is business, art and media easier than MATHS???

Anyways hope yall are doing well for the exam season. GOODLUCK YALL

P/s: idfk know where Juno is. Like I’m literally running this page on my own atp 😔 *A single mom who works two jobs-*

ALSO, storyboard is finished yayyy. However idk if I’m allowed to post it online rn, I’ll have to ask my teacher lol

[palilothy]

I finished my drawing for @logicaldelta, i made two versions because i couldn't decide on the print of the shirt

It was a real struggle to finish this, ibis paint died on me 4 times and got stuck on loading every half hour. I don't know what was up with ibis paint today but it was sooo annoying.

Anyways, i tried to keep as much of the original design as possible. However i gave her an hawaii type of shirt over a hawaii top to kinda go with a summer vibe, since Soubern is the god of summer. That's why i gave her a transparent scarf (first time drawing a scarf wooo) and some short pants. I added a few more colors to really make her love for bad color combinations stand out. (The idea for the hawaii top is from my friend @luminasfay btw)

I hope my interpretation of her character is fine, i really enjoyed drawing her (if we ignore ibis paint trying to ruin it for me)

Oh and I'm also finished with my finals now. I did not expect math to be the easiest final exam and english the hardest. I really fucked up the english exam, but well nothing i can do about it now

[slightlynormalprogram]

Good morning blog. Today I am going to study for exams and in like 30 minutes im going to get chipotle because I’m hungry and I want chipotle.

The MGMT album is beautiful but I expected nothing less from them! My favorite songs are still probably the singles but im excited to listen to it more over the next however long and become attached to the songs. I have a feeling this album will stick around in my rotation for a long time.

I think my favorite album ever might be Sling by Clairo. The first time I listened to it I was finishing up my first big album and I was about to move out of my parents’ house for the first time. I listened to it a lot during what were probably the hardest periods of my life over that next year and listening to it now it feels like an old friend who’s always been there for me. Such a special album. House of Sugar by Alex G also fills that niche, I listened to it all the time when I was very depressed a few years ago.

I didn’t get to practice guitar last night because I took a nap and then had to do homework, which I still need to finish today so I can study for my exams. Every single day this upcoming week I have an exam but I get to finish the week by picking Owey up from the airport and he’s going to stay with me for two weeks! I’m so excited so I will have a big nice payoff after a week of hard work.

Thank you for reading my blog and always make sure to turn your lights off when you leave the house

[fadebolt]

At long last, I finally managed to finish the very last finals of this semester today. The last two to three weeks were rather stressful, and I couldn't do too much outside of writing up some thoughts on ships during breaks between study sessions.

Let me tell you, it feels awesome that I never have to worry about this godforsaken exam again (particularly because everyone keeps saying how the subject I just completed is by far the hardest one out of every available subject here). Though I am a bit overwhelmed by having so much extra free time so suddenly, but I'm glad to see the Rain World community still doing a bunch of great stuff that I can try and catch back up on.

Rain World content creators that do their own special events where others can get involved in some sort of way are the absolute best. I know how grueling and time consuming these are, but I really appreciate it, because it grants me the motivation I need to actually do something with all the neat (and also sometimes cringe xd) ideas that pop up into my head.

I adore every single one of you, and I'd like to thank you all for helping me get over my shyness and insecurities, so I can be more involved with this wonderful community! :D

[frozeninice]

advice from the past -- dear future me pt. 2

Its July 8, 2023, and I have a raging ear infection (one of many and likely many more), and I was thinking of a post, written by me, Katie sent to me a couple months ago. It was a “dear future me” written in September 2018. I had been going through some old notebooks and read a letter written to future me, likely around the end of high school, 2016 ish. I won’t repost it here, but you can find it under the “dear future me” tag. 

I read through the letter from the past to the future me, at the time it was September 2018. I had just started seeing a psychotherapist for my depression and anxiety as I struggled through nursing school. I’m not sure of the exact dates, but I think that was around the time of 3rd semester of nursing where everything went to shit: nearly failed out, burnt out to the bone, crying at the (seemingly) little inconveniences in life (when actually it was the burn out seeping out). It was a bad time, surely, but to see myself wanting to be positive and keep going on, it warms my heart. 

Nursing school were the hardest years of my life. I wouldn’t want to go back and do it all again, do it all different, because I know I had to go through all that pain and struggle to get to where I am--who I am--today. I love who I am. I would never want to change that. What I’m trying to say here, is that even though I was so fucked up mentally, a part of me still wanted to persevere and knew that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Even if I couldn’t see the end, I hoped the light would be there. Looking back into my memories of these times, its hard to look past all the shit and remember the good in all the bad, so it--what’s the word, not grateful, not relieved--comforts me knowing that a tiny part of me wanted to keep living life. 

What’s life like now?

Well, I finished nursing school in 2021. It wasn’t easy. I failed a couple courses, nearly failed many more. Had to take an extra year, so I really beat down on myself for being a failure, for not finishing in 4 years. But now, in 2023, I see that I needed to graduate in 2021 instead of 2020. Aside from the obvious reason of THE FUCKING COVID PANDEMIC, ahem, sorry had to get that out of the way. My mental state in 2020 sunk to rock bottom. I can’t imagine finishing nursing school, getting my RN, and starting the new grad journey ALL during a fucking pandemic. I think I actually would have tried to kill myself, and I’m not saying that lightly or jokingly. I needed to graduate one year later, despite myself hating it the whole time. I needed that extra year to learn about me. Also, don’t let myself ever forget that you met your best friends of nursing school in that extra year. Marissa, Rachel, Zipora, Kafia, Rae, Joanna, Libby, thank you. These friends helped you get through the last three years. You are still in contact with these friends. You have traveled with these friends. Do not let yourself forget all the positives of taking that extra year. You are not a failure. You are a survivor. 

I studied my ass off and wrote the NCLEX in 2021. For once, I actually felt ready for an exam. I was itching to write it, instead of hiding, I went into the light and did it. I conquered it. I demolished it. I am so fucking proud of myself, of you, for writing it. I passed. June 19, 2021, you passed the fucking NCLEX and became a registered nurse (RN). Congratu-fucking-lations. You fucking did it!!

I then applied for new graduate nursing jobs. My heart screamed Sick Kids, but I later learned that this wasn’t my path, not then, maybe in the future. I had many interviews in one week (still don’t know how you did that, ya crazy crazy girl). My last interview of the week was with SHN for a nursing resource team (NRT) or float nurse position. Most of the jobs you applied and interviewed for had been for float positions, but you didn’t feel excited for these positions. You wanted exciting. You wanted interesting. MEDSURG didn’t feel like either. Your last interview of the week, by now you have mastered the core questions of a new grad interview and DESTROYED that interview. Going into the interview, you felt meh, its another NRT, whatever. But by the end, you felt different. You felt supported, like you could do anything. The manager, Rebecca, made you feel like you knew your stuff, and the clinical practice leader (CPL) Janette, made you feel supported and encouraged. For once, in the interview process, that you could see yourself working as an RN. That this was all becoming real. 

So you accepted the position with SHN as an new grad NRT in the new grad guarantee (NGG) initiative. You started August 3, 2021. You got three months of orientation in different units of your hospital. You were inexperienced. It had been over a year since being in the hospital for placements. You lacked a lot of nursing skills. But you learned quickly. You absorbed, like a sponge, everything you learned. You made mistakes along the way, but you learned from your mistakes and improved your nursing practice. 

October 25, 2021, you were set into the world of nursing on your own. You were in charge of your patients, you were in charge of completing all the tasks of the shift. You struggled. But you knew when to ask for help. You did not let your ego get in the way of your patients’ safety. The very first shift of being by yourself, you were placed on a surgical unit (5W). You had a pt with a colostomy, the bag got too full and exploded. Got all over the patient, the bed, and floor. It was a huge mess. But you learned not to leave emptying the bag until the last minute. You had a patient fresh post op from thyroid surgery. They were satting in the 80s and you panicked. You got the charge nurse and made them stay with you while, together, you figured out how to help the patient. 

Over the next couple months of your new grad nursing career, you made a lot of mistakes, learned from those mistakes, overcame anxiety and imposter syndrome, and became a more confident and competent nurse. 

December 27, 2021, surprises me how easy I remember the date. This was your first code blue. This destroyed you. It was the 4th day shift straight, end of the day, you almost made it to the end, when this code went off. Around 6pm it occurred, I think. You spent your first Christmas away from your family at the hospital with others who were too sick to be with their own. This was your first involvement in a code blue. The first time you did compressions on a real person, first time you saw what a code truly is. How gruesome it is. What is needed to be done to bring someone back to life. You got the patient back, but ultimately, they did not survive the night. You stayed with the primary nurse while she filled out the death paperwork. You knew you needed to see this, even though you were so distraught. Charlene, the PSW on the floor that day, held you as you cried. She helped you process this. You reached out to your manager, Rebecca, to talk about it. You talked with your good friend and charge nurse that day, Christie. You talked with your parents. You talked with your therapist. You tried. It was difficult. But you knew that you wanted to work in emergency, and you knew that you had to work through this so that you would be ready for the next time someone needed to be brought back.

June 5, 2022, you started your new position as a split pediatric-emergency RN. This was your dream, this was what you were working towards during those hours in NRT that you dreaded. Emergency was definitely not what it seemed, and you struggled to grasp everything before your brain shut down. You needed this change, to a new position. Float team was destroying you from the inside. Your mental health was plummeting. It was the best thing you ever did. Working on 7W satisfied your need to work at Sick Kids, you learned you didn’t need Sick Kids. You found your home. 

Since then, you’ve been working your split peds-emerg position. Its not been easy, but its been worth it. 

You’ve been seeing a psychiatrist, alongside your therapist, for ADHD, depression, and anxiety since the middle of 2020. Its been scary, but its been worth it. You are a stronger, more confident you. 

The road you’ve traveled thus far has not been easy, and the road ahead is also not going to be easy. You are learning to accept that life does not become easy once you reach a certain point, you just learn to adapt yourself to be able to process and handle life’s challenges. 

Now in 2023, you are struggling with how to have a work-life balance and how to be Kirsten without the nurse or the baker. 

Life feels grey right now. You are trying to add colour, but it feels like futile efforts. Keep trying to add colour. Eventually you will turn around and see the rainbow. 

Dear past me: I’m sorry I can’t tell you it will be easy. 

Dear future me: You will get better at dealing with the obstacles life throws at you.

I love you so much.

[izzymalec]

the math exam went better than expected like i managed to do something (not everything) but i definitely used all the wrong numbers for the formulas and everything is wrong so i guess i failed anyway thank u next tomorrow!!!

[writingwithfolklore]

Fake it til you Make it (Faking Expertise)

                One of the hardest parts of writing is that we're rarely just writers.. We have to be doctors, magicians, politicians, thieves, masters in chemistry, song writing, theatre, biology. The perfect writer would be someone with a little bit of knowledge about literally everything. As much as I’d love to spend the rest of my life just taking random university classes and learning about whatever I needed for the project I’m working on—eventually I have to graduate and, y’know, pay off student loans.

                So when you’re writing about something you really don’t know anything about, but your character is supposed to (or worse, supposed to be an expert) here’s what I do:

Research what you can

I start with the basics. Vocab lists, beginners classes or articles, and news stories about recent contributions to the field are an easy way to make your character sound like they know what they’re talking about, and also they’re super available to find. Just don’t overuse niche vocab or you’ll lose your readers—if you’re going to use a term or word most wouldn’t know, you can also define it or use context to allow readers to know what it means, stick to a few of these max.

2. Keep it vague

If my characters are learning about something in class that I know nothing about, an easy way to get by this is to start the scene in the classroom with a little intro: “open your textbooks to page 33”, and then focus on something else, “outside shadows stretched long across campus as the sun dove behind the horizon”, then finish it up, “Next assignment is on the fundamentals of linguistics we went over today. Please have it in by next week.”

        Obviously if it’s important you should teach it to the readers too—there’s only so much faking we can do in this area, but this allows you to keep from literally teaching an entire lecture within your story and is going to help you keep interest and control your pacing.

3. It’s okay if you fib a little

The truth is, most of your readers aren’t going to be experts or professionals in whatever you’re writing about either. When we read fiction, we’re reading from an understanding that the things within it aren’t realistic or stretch and exaggerate the truth. If you make some things up about the topic you’re writing about, few will notice, many less will care. It doesn’t have to be perfectly accurate, we’re here for the story, not to study for our next exam.

                If you have the basics, the base of knowledge, but build fiction or magic off of that, it will be convincing enough while saving you from spending too much money getting a masters in your topic.

                Good luck!

[notrey]

WAHJAJSSKSJSJS ILYT PLS REST AND DRINK LOTS OF WATER I HEARD WATER HELPS WITH PERIODS AND R E S T resting is very important ANF E A T ASWELL

I WILL PERSONALLY BREAK THROUGH THE WALL THAT IS CLOSEST TO YOU IF YOU DONT TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

I've been upset the whole day you know (it's because I'm fucked up emotionally but ALSO because my period is near so that checks out! Who knew!) But honestly the little things @llrainygutsll does make so happy and I don't think there's a person that makes me as happy as you I love you and stan you and you mean a lot to me and I hope it's mutual and y e s

Yes that single thing made my whole year probably and I missed you too and SCREAMS you make me cry