#also embarassing if he doesn't remember dying or her at all

[spellbcok]

a closed starter for albus ( @recklcssabandon )

anya couldn't put her finger on what emotion filled her when she laid eyes on a perfectly alive albus. her stomach is in knots, her chest tight, and slight dislike of herself. is this what guilt is? the former demon had never felt any for the thousands of men she punished, so what was this about? just because they were hiding together for a tiny moment doesn't mean it's her fault he got killed. it's not like she could've held him back from leaving. but you didn't try either. god, that annoying voice. it was its fault she felt this way.

from what she has learned, the best way to ease this feeling is to apologize. even if she doesn't think it's her fault, this stupid human body of her apparently feels like it is. "hey, albus. sorry you died," she said, coming to a stop in front of him. "and i'm glad you're alive... even if it's strange that all of you are somehow."

[emocl0wnpp]

Final part of introducing my main 4: Jade!!

(Ft. Lots of old drawings bc i don't draw her that much...which is a shame cuz i luv her)

(Also teeny-tiny warning for mentions of suicide)

♤Basic info♤

Real name: unknown,not even she remembers

Current name: Jade

Date of birth: 1900/12/31

Age: y'all won't believe me when i say 124

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: straight(but she's the biggest ally out there-)

Gender: cis(yes she's the token straight oc-)

Nationality: French

Personality: loving,sweet,quite naive,very much motherly...tho she's a little bit of a dummy

♤Death info♤

Date of death: sometime in the late 1950s-early 1960s

Cause of death: unknown,but most people say it was suicide

♤Other infos(so backstory elements)♤

Survived both WW1 and WW2

Her mom was a nurse in both wars,she also helped in WW2 with nursing

But she was actually an actress :3

She also did ballet before she became an actress

She had a bestfriend named Charlotte

Who later on became her biggest enemy(more on this in a second)

She married an actor named Watson(not his full name,but this is all she can recall)

Who later on cheated on her with Charlotte

Jade and Charlotte constantly fought for roles in movies and for the spotlight,which only intensified since Charlotte and Watson were together behind Jade's back

When she found out about the affair,she LOST IT, she SNAPPED

She ended up killing both Charlotte and Watson out of anger,but she immediately regretted it

She somehow managed to get away with the act and lived in guilt for the last years of her life,before dying to unknown causes,again most people think it was suicide

Buut her story doesn't end here

Because many many years later,Jason(the toymaker-) dug her up and made her what she is today

She's basically a frankenstein like porcelain doll

Jason pretty much made her just so he could have a wife-

Her life is a lie,but she doesn't really mind it since it's pretty much all she knows

♤Fun facts♤

THE mom/grandma of her friendgroup

Takes care of her friends,especially Vicky

Vicky is kinda like a daughter to her

Since she's so much older than her friends,they often poke fun at her for being so old

But then she reminds them of their ages and it's no longer funny

Poor old lady had to be taught how to use literally everything around her

Jason taught her how to use a phone

Worst idea ever

Take emojis away from her. She religiously uses them,she uses them more than the phone itself

Her poor daughter,Jenna is embarassed everytime Jade is around(mostly because her friends are all googly eyes for her-)

Literally the sweetest old lady,if she's around prepared to be showered with food and attention

She's still pretty much a typical 50s housewise

Once she learned tech she took up photography and designing clothes as a hobby

And uses her friends,Jenna and her friends as her models

A few of her outfits did make it out to the big big world of fashion

She doesn't actually kill anyone,she just makes clothes from discarded skin that Jason leaves behind at times

And a playlist for her(which needs a remake-)

That's it for now :3

[sparrow-stunned]

In the series my overbearing dragon father since darling and Beisht are basically being each other's therapist they should invite azhdaha to the group of the few people Zhongli has affected that are still alive especially since Zhongli had the nerve to ask him about being sealed I can just imagine the drama about him they would all share with one another like

Azhdaha: you do know Morax asked me if being sealed was comfortable because he thought about sealing you away to protect his own delusional mind focusing in on the past

Darling: what 😀

Beisht: why is that not surprising at all

Darling: does he really not like the idea that I'm grown up now that much I mean I know he doesn't like the fact that me and Venti have the whole nature is our home thing going on either but really

Beisht: you are only living in nature because you're husband clearly can't even pay for his a bar tab let alone a house

Azhdaha: wait barbatos can't even pay for all the alcohol he gets

Darling: that's not the point guys

oh archons, can you just imagine the level of pettiness in the room between beisht and azhdaha?? just like the two of them shitting on your dear old dad, really, really meanspirited talk, while you're sitting there like 👁️👄👁️ "that's my dad guys"

also, they would totally be the type to bring up zhongli's dark history—and i'm not using the word dark in the way you think it is. it's not all of the sus things he's done throughout his reign as rex lapis, it's all the embarassing things you don't remember or haven't witnessed.

azhdaha: ugh, he's always on and on about stupid osmanthus wine, i wish i could drown him in it. "where are those who share the memories" hello??? i'm right here

beisht, just cackling: why does he like to act so old, we're the same age but it feels like he's the one with the ten types of arthritis?

azhdaha: also did you know zhongli's face gets all sour whenever i bring up guizhong, haha. i haven't even met her but he's soooo affected by it

beisht: oh yeah, i've seen osial taunt him about her, it's so funny. ugh like get over it already, it's been what, 4000 years? *eye roll*

darling: that's my mom you're talking about🙃

azhdaha/beisht: *deadpan stare* yeah, we know

also, whenever you bring up venti, azhdaha and beisht whisper to each other or give each other this look

darling: venti wrote a song for me yesterday, isn't he just so romantic? *sighs, all starry eyed*

azhdaha & beisht glancing at each other

azhdaha, whispering: didn't he write it while drunk?

beisht, also whispering: yeah, that's what i heard from ping while she came yesterday to gossip with me. do you think morax's spawn has been dropped too many times on their head as a baby? if so, i would have thought the rock-hard skull inherited from morax would have prevented their brain cells from dying.

azhdaha, shaking his head: like father, like child. look at morax—isn't he also like this? there's no cure for stupidity unfortunately.

[stayevildarling]

How the Sarah Paulson AHS Characters react to reader dying their hair in a vibrant color: (One Shots/Headcanon)

Cordelia Goode: 💛

-All day Cordelia has been pacing back and forth in her office, waiting for you to return home from wherever you are. At first she didn't really notice your absence because she was in her office all day, expecting you to be in the greenhouse or with the girls somewhere but when she couldn't find you in the afternoon she started worrying and calling you. You couldn't pick up the phone however because currently you are hiding in your old room at the academy after one of your genius ideas and spells failed miserably

-All you wanted was to change the color of a rose for Cordelia because you have been watching the other girls all do it before and you wanted to surprise her by learning this spell. What you missed was that on the table where you focused your magic on wasn't just a rose but also a strand of your hair. So instead of only the rose changing into a nice pink color it turned your hair pink as well

-At first you didn't notice until you saw your reflection in one of the big windows of the greenhouse and you have been embarassed about this all day. Instead of talking to anyone about this you decided to just hide in your old room with some books trying to figure out how to reverse this spell and get your natural color back. In the meantime Cordelia double checked around the entire academy and eventually she found a pink rose and pink strands of hair on the table in the greenhouse and she connected the dots after asking Zoe who was last in the greenhouse and her telling the supreme it was you

-Finding you in the end wasn't that hard either because all Delia has to do is close her eyes, imagine you and boom she will be right there, teleported by your side. You were just in the middle of reading your book, sitting on your old bed when Cordelia suddenly appeared. ''Delia'' you squeal and you say ''I hate it when you do that'' but suddenly you remember your hair. Cordelia stands in front of the bed, looking at you with a little smile ''What did you do to your hair sweetheart?'' she questions playfully and you look down feeling embarassed. She approaches the bed and sits at the end of it ''Well I tried to do a spell for you to enchant a rose and I also changed my hair color instead of just the petals'' you say with a frown

-Cordelia just smiles the entire time and shaking her head playfully before saying ''I really like the rose and the pink hair'' and you furrow your eyebrows and look at her ''Really?'' you ask and she nods. ''I could change it back you know'' she says after a few moments of silence and you say ''Really?'' and she nods. ''Can you then because I don't like it'' you say with puppy eyes and Cordelia chuckles and with a flick of her wrist your hair is back to normal. ''Oh thank you Delia'' you say and breathe out feeling relieved that your hair is all back to normal. ''Next time Darling just come to me straight away and I can fix it'' Cordelia scolds a little with a raised eyebrow ''Dinner now?'' you ask feeling hungry from hiding away all day ''Yes sweetheart come on'' Delia chuckles and takes your hand while pulling you into a kiss

-Will never stop joking about the time you tried to enchant a rose and ended up with pink hair, always makes jokes or sometimes playfully threatens to turn your hair pink again when you don't listen to her or you are disobeying

Ally Mayfair-Richards: ❤️

-Your wife is currently preparing breakfast in the kitchen when she hears a loud high pitched scream coming from you in the bathroom. ''Oh my god'' you scream and Ally is quick to drop everything she is doing and run upstairs. As she enters the bathroom she sees you standing by the mirror your hair a bright blue color. ''What have you done?'' Ally asks slightly shocked and you shake your head in disbelief ''Nothing I just washed my hair'' and Ally furrows her eyebrow in confusion before you see a little someone standing by the doorframe giggling

''Oz Mayfair-Richards I swear to god'' you say as you see him and Ally is quick to turn around and look at him. She raises her eyebrow at him and he instantly starts apologizing ''I'm so sorry it was supposed to be a prank for mom''. Ally's jaw drops a little and she huffs ''So this was for me just wait you'' and she chases him across the entire house. You stand in the bathroom unsure what to think of this sudden change in your appearance. After changing your clothes, you walk downstairs to the kitchen only to see Oz sitting by the table with a frown. ''I'm sorry Y/N'' he apologizes again but you just ruffle through his hair and tell him ''Payback just wait buddy'' and he smiles

-Ally walks over to you with the bottle he used ''It's just temporary it should come out in a few washes'' she says relieved and you also feel slightly relieved although part of you actually really likes this color. You take the bottle out of Ally's hand and say ''Come here Oz'' but Ally is quick to chase after you and scold ''Don't you dare put this on his head'' and you argue ''You said it was just temporary, just a few washes'' mocking her words from seconds ago. ''Please mom we can all dye it'' he suggests and you nod your head and both of you and Oz look at Ally full of excitement

-She takes a deep breath and thinks about it for a moment, considering it's the holidays and you all have a few days off she ends up agreeing ''Fine but I will do Oz's hair and my own'' and you and Oz squeal and run to the bathroom, Ally following with a chuckle and shaking her head playfully. The three of you end up with blue temporary hair but you all love it, you take a thousand selfies, Oz doesn't stop talking about it to his friends on the phone and Ally just loves her little adorable family

Wilhemina Venable: 💜

-You walk into Kineros Robotics with your head held high, carrying some lunch for your girlfriend ready to surprise her at work. The last few days she has been so stressed and busy with work that you thought it would be nice to cheer her up a little. You decided to wear her favorite skirt on you, some tights she loves and bring her favorite lunch plus you as dessert if she is up for that.  However the biggest surprise isn't the food, you or you showing up at her work unannounced it's the fact you just came from the hair dressers with your new hair color and Mina's favorite- purple of course

-Already from a few steps away you can hear her typing on her computer and you knock on her door gently. It takes a few moments before she replies ''Come in'' and at first she carries on working on her computer thinking it's her assistant or just someone getting on her nerves again but her jaw drops completely when she sees you and the hair. ''What on earth have you done?'' she asks her jaw still dropped. ''Don't you like it?'' you ask while closing the door and putting her lunch on the table. ''I do but why?'' Wilhemina asks, now a smirk visible on her face

-''Well you have my favorite color as a hair color- red and I thought I could have yours, I could tell you will like it'' you reply with a smirk and Wilhemina looks your body up and down. ''Besides this way everyone knows now that I belong to you'' you say with a smirk. ''Did you lock the door?'' Wilhemina asks while licking her lips ''Always Miss Venable'' you reply and she pulls you closer and sits you on her desk

-Wilhemina will be very shocked at first and unable to even speak about it because the gesture of you dying your hair purple just for her is something so special and no one has ever done anything special for her. Mina being Mina she is a bit awkward but soon enough will fall in love with the idea and your hair. Often strokes it and praises you for picking that color ''Good girl for choosing such a pretty color, little one'' she will say to you

Audrey Tindall: 💚

-You both have been talking about it for a little while now dying your hair in a more brighter color and what you didn't know was that when Audrey left for ''Work'' this morning she actually went to the hairdresser and when you told her you were gonna go to the ''Store'' you actually did the exact same

-Audrey decides for a turquoise color and you go for mint green. Once you both get home that night you stare at each other with the same hilarious expression. ''Oh my gawd you didn't'' Audrey says and you just start bursting out laughing that you both had the same idea, on the same day and even lied to what you are spending your day with and almost the same color

-''I love it'' you tell her as you actually take a proper look at her hair and you stroke through it. ''Yours is amazing too love'' Audrey says and she kisses your head and the two of you being adorable dorks you both walk around with very vibrant colors for a while, getting you strange looks wherever you both go especially when you go somewhere together

Billie Dean Howard: 🖤

-As soon as Billie Dean returns from work tonight she is so excited to see you. She unlocks the door and kicks off her heels while trying to find you. When she sees that you are not in the kitchen she frowns a little. Billie doesn't expect you to be her maid or anything and make her dinner every night but you usually do it so she is a little sad especially because you had messaged her in the morning you will cook for her

-She carries on looking for you and she can't find you anywhere at first. She was about to go back to the kitchen to get her phone and call you, thinking you might have gone somewhere when she hears silent sniffles coming from the bathroom. She instantly walks in there without knocking, worried why her babydoll would be upset. When she walks in however she sees you sitting on the floor with dark dirty green hair. She tries to hold in the chuckle and she kneels down in front of you ''Honey what happened?'' she asks and you try and fight the tears ''I was just trying to dye my hair blonde again and then this happened''

-Billie shakes her head and tuts ''Babydoll I have told you so many times don't use box dye and go to a hair dresser with me'' and you frown. ''I just wanted to surprise you that's all and I couldn't get an appointment anywhere until weeks so yeah'' and you cross your arms. ''Well you definitely have surprised me babydoll'' Billie says with a smirk and she offers her hand to help you up. ''But I'm ugly now'' you frown and Billie lifts up your chin and looks into your eyes ''Kitten you could never be ugly don't say that'' and you simply nod and mumble ''Okay''

-She leads you out of the bathroom and into the living room ''Alright you go ahead and order us some food and I will call Constance I think she has a good hairdresser and she might be able to get us an appointment for tomorrow'' Billie says and you smile, take the phone and thank your girlfriend. ''Thank you Billie'' you say shily and Billie walks off swaying her hips and answering ''Anything for you babydoll'' and you feel all warm and loved that Billie is taking care of you like that. You end up ordering Billie and your usual order and Billie gets you an appointment for the next day

-She takes you there and insists on staying with you and thankfully the hair dressers are able to fix it and you end up with pretty blonde hair. ''So pretty darling'' Billie praises as she takes you back home after paying for your new hair as well. ''Thanks for everything Billie'' you say and give her a kiss on the cheek while she takes you both home ''The green didn't look too bad'' she jokes and you roll your eyes and playfully punch her arm

Sally McKenna: 💙

-Your girlfriend has been waiting for you to return from your appointment all day. You didn't exactly tell her where you are actually going which only caused Sally to be suspicious and just a little jealous and also scared you won't come back due to her abandonment issues. What she didn't know however was that you are sticking to a weird dare that Sally found on social media. The post said ''Your first @ has to dye their hair in a vibrant color'' and of course Sally tagged you but never expected you to go through with it especially because it was a few days ago

-Considering you spent most of your days with Sally and in the hotel you thought why the hell not. So you ended up going to the hairdressers across the street from the hotel and you picked orange. It has always been one of your favorite colors and you just really wanted to go for orange and a short hair cut. As soon as you walk back into the hotel Liz sees you and approaches ''Looking good girl'' she says and you blush a little ''Well Sally is gonna love that pumpkin'' she says with a wink knowing all too well about how Sally always calls you by that pet-name

-You find Sally sitting in a booth by the bar and just drinking something. She sees you and looks away again before realizing you just walked into the bar. She spits her drink out seeing the color and she approaches you. ''What the fuck did you do?'' she asks shocked and you smirk and reply ''The post you tagged me in remember?'' and it takes a few seconds for her to reply ''Pumpkin I didn't think you would actually do that, it's orange'' she says while stroking through it gently ''Oh my god you are actually my little pumpkin now'' she says with soft puppy eyes and your heart melts at her words. She pulls you into a hug before dragging you to the bar to get a drink with her and show everyone your new hair color

-Will take selfies with you and photos of you, showing you off all over social media. She will edit a photo of you with a little pumpkin emoji and post it with the caption ''My little pumpkin'' and the hashtags ''my little pumpkin''  and ''hands off-mine'' Will never shut up about the orange hair and always forces you to get it dyed again once the color starts to fade and you both love it

Lana Winters: 🧡 (AU -now time)

-Your girlfriend is so excited to pick you up for your day together today because she agreed to take you to pride. You both have been preparing for ages, buying matching rainbow outfits, little badges and flags. What she didn't know yet is that she is in for another rainbow surprise as soon as you open the door. When you hear the doorbell you are a bit nervous of her reaction considering you have dyed your hair from your natural color to rainbow color, even though it will be temporary you are still nervous about her reaction

-As soon as you open the door Lana's cute smile turns into her jaw dropping slightly and eyes going wide ''Oh my god'' she chuckles after the initial shock and she asks ''Is that permanent?'' but you quickly reassure her it will wash out in a few days. ''Okay good I love it then'' she says with the most adorable smile and you can't help but smile at how adorable she looks with the rainbow t-shirt, pride pin and little rainbow face paint and her hair in a cute ponytail

-She will take your hand ''Ready sweetie?'' and you will both spend the best day together, dancing with people, singing to the music and enjoying your day at pride. A LOT of people mention and compliment your hair and Lana smiles every single time, proud to be your girlfriend

A/N: I have more stories on my wattpad- check it out ✨

[spnsmile]

"I believe in her."

Cas couldn't take his eyes away from Dean. Even when Sam left, all he could do is stare and when Dean notices, he returns it with intent.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"You don't really believe her, right? Billie?"

"Why the sudden change of mind?" Dean takes a sip of his beer. Castiel looks at him thoughtfully.

"Sam's just... Asking the right question, I mean. What's her end game? What happens if Jack succeeds? What's next...?"

"Ain't it paradise?"

Castiel pauses. He didn't think Dean would remember so continues frowning and watched Dean straighten himself as much as his bowlegs would allow.

"Well, no choice but go with the greater of the two evils, Cas. And right now the guy who's planning the old comedy "wipe out the world" takes the cake."

"Dean, she's Death. As far as I'm concerned if any entity out there wants you dead for good, it's her. You're not worried she could use this opportunity to get you? Like killing two birds with blunt force of one stone... in one very violent throw... Don't laugh, she of all people wants you dead."

Cas swallows hard, the idea cementing in his brain now he's vocal about it.

And Dean just chuckles?

"She could. But if she's using us to get rid of Chuck, then that means wanting me dead also takes the back burner. For now we see eye to eye. Chuck has to go first dibs. If she needs to use us then we gotta hold hands, run up to the sunset and see where she takes us."

"That is highly optimistic view, even for you, Dean. Considering she's been trying to get you killed

"She's death, it's her obsession, Cas. Talking about death." the hunter smirks, making the angel bristle.

"This isn't funny, Dean."

"I know, Cas. You know I get it, okay. But whatever she's got drawn up her blue print, doesn't change the fact that she still gotta line up the queue." Dean shrugs and it's not nonchalance that Castiel sees in his eyes.

It's absolute faith for this cause. One where Dean will be fighting with him until the last battle.

Until his last breath. After that, what?

Castiel closes his eyes.

"I'm saying I don't want you to die." he finally says, all raw emotions out. He feels Dean look his way, know the startled expression is in there without needing to look and hates it.

Why Dean always need to be surprise when someone tells him they don't want him dead never ceases to anger him.

Like Dean believes everyone wants him dead. Then again, considering things he's been through...

"Hey, Cas?"

Castiel engages the man with a look.

And like its not enough that they've been throwing furtive looks at each other in the presence of Sam, the man has the gall to stand and seat in that distracting position where he can fully see the man's lips and thick bowlegs presenting just within his reach while smiling like he know what he's doing.

The way Dean can look so full of affection with green eyes that just flickers expressively towards his direction with long lashes dusting his freckled cheeks. The way he opens his emotions to Castiels without restraint, letting him glimpse the soul so bright in its form he once rebuilt

I want closer

But he stays where he is, even when Dean openly invites him silently to come closer, his eyes expectant and soft and full of love.

Cas remains where he is perched.

Control. He gives it seven seconds count to take over the reel of feelings pulling him to Dean. The same way when Dean's eyes were grateful and bursting and happy, almost singing praises when they reconciled after his solemn prayer. Dean is gazing at him with the same adoration same loving affection overflowing and so full of hope.

So full of love. Something Castiel knows he cannot accept so he ducks his eyes. He knows exactly why the pull is strong this time. It's Dean. Dean's longing.

Dean's prayers.

So loud and intense. It wants him.

It's madness how the tables have turned. Unlike before where the boat is tipping on his side, this time, Dean's the one putting the weight. Dean's the one screaming in silence of his love.

But he can't. Not yet.

He has a mission here otherwise... He thinks of Jack and the mission.

Focus...

But it's too late when he looked up, he only sees Dean smile sadly and nod, before finishing the last whiskey on his glass, the sparks in his eyes dimming.

Dean wipes his chin with the back of his hand, his lips making smacking sound too loud to ignore.

"See you later, Cas." he says quietly, monotone and Castielf, angel that he is feels the swift slap of coldness on his skin. The worst was when Dean turns to go without meeting Castiel's eyes even when the angel has pushed himself off his wall and was waiting, but Dean goes- moves away.

Dean is leaving him and thwe sharp jab on the organ functioning as his heart makes Castiel call Dean back.

"Wait." He finds his hand curling on Dean's elbow, pulling him back.

"Dean." he hesitates, unable to pluck up the courage to say in fear that he might say too much. But ever as it happens, it's Dean who easrs him out of his misery with a simple flicker on his eyes and careful smile.om his lips. Castiel relaxes. Dean is still looking deeply in his eyes. "I want some."

"Want something from me?" Dean licks his lips, then raises both eyebrows when Cas eyes empty glass he's holding. "Oh." and Dean laughs in embarassment for some reason, the flush color on his cheeks gives Cas a wonderful view of his tanning freckles.

"Wanna drink with me?"

"Yeah, so bad, I'm thirsty for you."

Dean is in love with him and the hunter isn't even trying to hide it anymore. These are the thoughts that played across Castiel's mind as he sit with Dean in the library, listening to Deam praise him, Dean giving him all his attention and Dean being just too endearing.

Tried as he might not to fall for it like when Dean was praying to him in Purgatory, Castiel can't help gazing back with the same contentment and joy. Overflowing happiness of just sitting here, talking and talking like they haven't spoken to each other in years.

And the best part?

Dean's smiling unbiddenly with eyes just taking in Castiel. He sees the way Dean catches him smile, the way Dean's cheeks blushes. Castiel was glad there was a table between them or he was afraid what his instincts might do on impulse with Dean being like that.

He wants to kiss him. Instead, grabs his glasses without really drinking. He just listens to Dean's voice. Listen to Dean talk to him and it reminds suddenly of his fear of losing everything.

He realizes there's too little time to be with Dean so he memorizes everything. He memorizes a lot, even the exact moment Dean throws that wonderful look and raises a glass in his direction.

Cas' heart leaps in the air and he too is smiling and loving Dean so much, the only pull back to his heart when they toasted is the fact he can't tell Dean.

He wouldn't think about it for now. He too has faith in his choice and that is Jack. He is choosing Jack. Jack who is the answer to Castiel's crumbling faith whenever he thinks of the number of ways he can lose Dean.

"Hey."

Castiel looks up. He didn't notice Dean already standing in front of him. The angel blinks.

"What?"

"I was just telling Jody good night. She just called, asking how everybody is... And i told her I'm a very good kid today. She told me I'm drunk." Dean pouts.

"You want me to detoxify you?" Castiel tilts his head inquiringly. Dean stares with heavy eyes.

"Yeah, may need to drive."

"Where are you going?" Castiel frowns, a hand already raised. Dean blinks then slowly levels his eyes on the angel sitting in the chair.

"Somewhere. I feel happy, you see... But sad too... So I already spent my happy here with you. Time to go crush the bad. So driving."

"Why are you sad?" he cups Dean's face in alarm, his little world on his hand. So he wasn't mistaken. Behind Dean's eyes...

"It's okay..." Dean smiles, "Everyone's a little sad inside."

"Why?" he insists.

A long pause. Dean blinks slowly.

"Can't be together, you and I... So i gotta... Uh... Have to deal the sad without you...if we can't be together..."

"But we're together here."

Dean shakes his head. "I'm choosing. So are you. In the end we're gonna... I'm gonna have to deal with myself alone. There's no you out there. I have to prepare."

"Dean, what the hell are you talking about?" he hears him but he cannot understand him. Dean kneels in front of him all of a sudden, both hands taking Castiel's hands and clasping them with his own. The look Dean gives him after that is pure and honest, like souls bursting of its true form.

"I'm saying I understand why you can't... We can't. I understand it's the world or us... And that's not even a choice. I'm saying I understand you're the only angel who can save the world. So i want you to do it without holding back. Without thinking about whether I live or die. I want you to do that, Cas."

Castiel gasps. He sees no doubt in Dean's eyes. Watches as Dean brings his hand to his lips gently.

"Me dying doesn't compare to the world, Cas. So dont worry about me or Billie or whatever hell. You got your hands full, I got mine. So... i gotta drive."

Castiel sighs, then kisses Dean on the forehead. Clarity returns in the green eyes that blinks at him in surprise. Then Castiel stands up, nearly knocking Dean on his feet.

"I'm going with you."

"No, Cas. This is not the point-"

"I don't understand the point alright. I don't." Castiel grabs Dean's collar, sharp eyes full of meaning. "Don't make me understand why after everything... why after everything I've done, I'm still not going to be allowed to stay with you. I won't understand. And if this universe insists that? They're going to have to make a different bargain because I want you at the end of the road, Dean. It's you I think about when I think of win. And when that happens, I'll tell you loud and clear. I'll tell you what you already know. What I can't tell you now. I will. And it's not goodbye. So hold on to me. I will always find you. Do you believe me?"

It takes one smile from Dean and their foreheads pressing together.

"I believe you, Cas." ✨

[pietromelim]

A Thomas Lightwood Bisexual Story (Part 2 and final) takes place after Chain of Gold so will have spoilers!!

-That is quite the story. Though i must admit,i would never expect such a thing from you,Tom.-Matthew said,with a grin on his face.

Thomas really wanted to hide his face in a hole somewhere,he knew that at least one of his friends would make fun of him because of the way they found him at the Devil Tavern.

And of course,it had to be Matthew,which wasn't that surprising,since he was the Libertine of The Merry Thieves. James and Christopher were too shocked to tease him about anything.

-Not sure if i will ever even sit on that bed again. Perhaps it would be better if Christopher burned those sheets.-Said James.

-Indeed! I have always wanted to set fire in that bed. It annoyed me,though i can't recall the reason why.-Said Christopher.

Thomas rolled his eyes.

-Do as you please. It's not like something like this will ever happen again. I was a little drunk yesterday as well,surely we can blame this on the alcohol.-Said Thomas.

-If you say so. Perhaps we could just ask the Italian girl if we see her. It is very likely that she will appear at the Institute eventually.-Said Matthew.

-Then i should really make myself scarce.-Thomas said.

-Why worry? I was under the impression that she told you herself that it would mean nothing,and that it wouldn't be like you ruined her.-James asked.

-It would still be very awkward. I am such an awful pill! I was out of my mind completely! My mother would be ashamed of what i did! And Eugenia...-Thomas was saying,but Matthew stopped him.

-There is absolutely no need to fret over this,Thomas. Let it be then. This girl is probably smart enough to ignore you completely.-Said Matthew.

-That seems unlikely. We are having a gathering at the Institute today,to celebrate the destruction of the Mandikhor.-James said.

Thomas shook his head.

-Bloody hell! You have to be kidding me!-Said Thomas.

-I understand you frustration,dearest cousin. I was also hoping i could spend the afternoon in the lab,until my father literally told me he would lock me in the lab for an entire month if i didn't show up at the Institute today.-Said Christopher.

-Apparently,Uncle Gabriel maybe worried that you are lacking social skills. Perhaps he wishes to introduce you to beautiful ladies?-Said Matthew,smiling.

-Haven't i met every beautiful lady in the Enclave by now?-Christopher asked.

-Cease the conversation! Do you not see that our Tom here is deeply scared of seeing the italian girl again?-Said James,laughing.

Thomas tried to laugh as well,that is what he should be doing. But he simply couldn't,he was way too embarassed.

He did not wanted to see Giovanna again.

"Later"

The Merry Thieves were finally at the Institute,which was indeed,full of people. Seemed like the celebration was being taken seriously.

Thomas was feeling uneasy,knowing that Giovanna could literally pop up out of nowhere to haunt him. He could have avoided all of that,if he had listened to reason.

It seemed pointless to think about that now. It was probably better if he focused on acting as normally as he could.

-Is everything okay,Tommy? You look rather pale.-Said a voice Thomas knew very well.

Gideon. His father. Thomas could not help but wonder how Gideon would react if he revealed his doings of the last night.

-I am fine. Just wasn't really in the mood for a party now.-Said Thomas,without looking to Gideon's eyes.

Gideon shrugged.

-Just try to have fun. Your friends seem to be enjoying themselves.-Said Gideon,pointing to the rest of the Merry Thieves.

Thomas approached them,and Matthew pulled him close.

-Have you seen our ragazza already? You must be quite scared,eh?-Asked Matthew,laughing.

-How does he get drunk this quickly?-Asked Thomas.

-It must be his hidden talents,though i'm not really sure how that helps him. Thomas,i already told you,stop worrying about the girl. Your parents will notice your uneasiness.-Said James.

-If it were that easy. Where is Christopher? I thought Uncle Gabriel forced him to come?-Said Thomas.

-Oh he is here! You can see him there,probably explaining about the antidote to my stupid brother and Grace Blackthorn.-Said Matthew.

Thomas looked at them,near the door. Christopher speaked quite quickly about everything. Charles was probably pretending to be interested,since he wanted to become Consul and had to listen to people and their blabbering. Grace was likely dying of boredom.

-She looks stunning in that ivory dress.-James said.

Matthew slapped James' hand.

-You are engaged,Mr.Herondale. Have that in mind before you go drool all over the floor Grace steps on.-Said Matthew.

James seemed to have cursed in a whisper,which wasn't surprising for Thomas. Only their little group of friends knew that James and Cordelia's marriage was a sham.

But Thomas wasn't feeling patient to deal with those things today. He just wished the party would be over quickly so that he could leave the Institute without the risk of seeing Giovanna again.

One could only hope,and that was exactly what Thomas was going to do.

"Hours Later"

-Are you looking for anyone in specific,Tom? Or have you forgotten how the Institute's ballroom looked like?-Anna asked,she sat beside him,looking stunning as always.

-I'm actually trying to avoid someone that may or may not show up.-Said Thomas.

-That seems to be very dull. This whole celebration is actually turning to be quite a bore. Good thing my parents won't mind if i leave to go to the Hell Ruelle today.-Said Anna,smiling.

-Is that so? It doesn't surprise me that you prefer that scandalous place over a simple ball.-Said Thomas.

-Oh i assure you,the Hell Ruelle is more than just scandalous. You should come with me sometime. You will have the time of your life.-Said Anna.

Thomas didn't quite knew if Anna was being serious or not. She probably found him way too dull to enjoy a place like the Hell Ruelle. But he wouldn't have to worry about seeing Giovanna again if he left the party.

Thomas didn't knew if Gideon or Sophie would mind,but he wasn't worried either. The Hell Ruelle did seem to be quite scandalous. But after what he did,why not give it a shot?

-Anna,before you leave,please try to find me. I want to go to the Hell Ruelle along with you.-Said Thomas.

Anna's eyes widened with surprise. It has been ages since Thomas last saw Anna surprised with anything.

-Are you absolutely sure? You do know that the Ruelle has a reputation,do you not?-Asked Anna.

Thomas nodded.

-I do,and that is why i wish to go with you.-He said.

Anna simply smiled.

-Follow me then!-She said.

"At the Hell Ruelle"

-This is the Ruelle,Thomas! Be sure of this,you will never find a place like the Ruelle!-Said Anna.

Thomas could barely analyze the place,it was just so full of people,and every single one of them were downworlders. The blue fire of the warlocks gave the place a unique atmosphere.

He recognized some of the famous downworlders,like Magnus Bane and his cat eyes,Malcolm Fade and Hypatia Vex,that was smiling and talking to Anna.

Thomas wasn't expecting Anna to keep him company,it was obvious that she was there to entertain herself more than anything. Perhaps he should just do the same.

Thomas went to the bar table,where a Ifrit with four arms and jade colored skin was serving drinks. His expression changed slightly to one of distaste. Probably because Thomas was a Shadowhunter.

-Nephilim. Do you wish to drink something?-He asked,his voice was so husky.

Thomas took a few seconds to answer. He felt so out of place there,he needed something to make him feel more...at home.

-I want something strong. I wish to get drunk as quickly as possible.-Thomas said.

Weirdly,the Ifrit smiled,his teeth were as yellow as his eyes.

-That can be taken care of.-He said.

The Ifrit filled a glass with champagne,and then threw some pink colored powder in it.

-Drink it,Nephilim,and you will not remember a single thing when you wake up tomorrow.-The Ifrit said.

Thomas only nodded,and drank all the champagne,until the glass was completely empty.

He immediately felt quite dizzy,as if everything around him was spinning.

He walked to where the downworlders were dancing. It was quite a different dance,their bodies where so close,that was something Thomas would never see in the balls of the Shadowhunters.

-Yes! Shadowhunters are so dull! We are a great bore!-Thomas said,he felt like he was screaming,but the sound of the music was probably louder than his voice.

He bumped into someone,and nearly fell to the ground. Whatever it was the Ifrit gave him,it was definitely working.

Thomas looked at the boy whose he had just bumped. It was definitely a warlock,his skin had a very bright blue tone,almost white. His hair was pale as the moon,his eyes were star-shapped,just like the ones of Hypatia Vex,and were as green as the forest.

The boy was really handsome,in that magic and supernatural way only warlocks could be. He smiled to Thomas.

-An angel in the Hell Ruelle? Are you not lost,angel boy?-He asked.

Thomas shook his head.

-I want to be here! I'm not as dull as everyone thinks! And i'm not just kind!-Thomas said.

He barely had control of his words,but something inside him felt like he would have a huge headache tomorrow.

-You surely are not dull! As a matter of fact,you seem to be the more interesting here!-He said.

Thomas got closer to him,almost without realizing. The warlock was quite handsome. And he did seemed interesting as well.

It was almost like Thomas felt an attraction to him. Which wasn't that surprising for Thomas. He knew at least that much about himself.

Though he did not know what to do know.

-You are interesting too! Do you have a name,mate!?-Thomas asked.

The warlock boy laughed.

-Would you remember it tomorrow if i tell you?-He asked,smiling.

-I cannot promise you that!-Thomas said.

And all of a sudden,his mouth was on Thomas',and they were kissing quite fiercely. His mouth tasted like a combination of wine and blue ruin.

It was a bittersweet sensation,almost addictive. Thomas felt like he could use some more of that.

His skin started to feel hot,as if the entire place began to burn. He unbuttoned his shirt,but the warlock boy stopped him.

-If you wish to go further,angel boy,them it will have to be in a more private place.-He said.

Thomas shrugged,almost taking his shirt off.

-I don't give a bloody hell!-Thomas shouted,the warlock laughed and grabbed him by his tie,taking him in to one of the inner chambers.

This one had a sapphire color,full of blue diamonds and other blue gems,like lapis lazuli,aquamarine and indicolite.

He threw Thomas on the bed,and began to take his clothes off. Thomas kicked off his shoes and took off his socks,his shirt was open.

He wasn't thinking straight,deep down he knew that. His mind was rather foggy. But what he was doing now,it didn't felt wrong.

The warlock was nearly nude,he crashed on Thomas as he layed on the bed. His light blue chest pressed against Thomas' skin,they were burning.

They kissed violently,Thomas' hands running down the back of the boy whose name he didn't even knew.

But it didn't matter,he wouldn't remember it anyways. Thomas removed his shirt and tossed it on the floor,he left the bed and managed to somehow lock the door.

And then he was back to the bed,and the night went on.

"The Next Day"

Thomas woke up in a place completely unknown too him. The only thing he realized at first was that it was all too blue.

The second thing he noticed was that he wasn't wearing any clothes. But there were no bed sheets covering him this time.

"Again? Must be a record or something." He thought.

And the third,and most surprising,was the blue warlock,nude as well,beside on the bed,still asleep.

Thomas quickly got up,looking at everything around him. He didn't exactly remembered what he had been up to. He couldn't remember the boy's name,and his head was exploding.

His clothes were in very unusual places around the blue room,much to his dismay.

-Did this really happened? Have i really done this? Oh Raziel! If my father could see me right now.-Thomas said,he was pretty sure the sleeping warlock was unable to hear him.

Thomas smiled,and then started to laugh a little bit. He was feeling many things,but regret was not one of them.

Perhaps it was just silly to think about Alastair. Thomas did not need him for anything. Anna was right about the Hell Ruelle after all.

He didn't knew if he would ever return,but he did knew himself a lot better right now.

And he was happy with that.

[sn0wflak-e]

"Grow up" they say.  But growing up is painful. As the demons of the world slice and peel off your innocence layer after layer, it's painful. Knowing things you don't want to know. Most of the times those things come uninvited, in the form of social media posts or they can be your forensic lectures. Where you get to see the aftermath of the carnal and beastly side of humans. I feel suffocated at times , can't breath, this nauseous feeling still prevails deeply. It's like when someone tells you that " that person" is dead, but you can't believe it unless you saw that person either dying in front of you or saw his corpse.

   It's the same for me. I always thought that the world is like how it's portrayed in books (kind of still do) beautiful, loved, peaceful, happy, light, respectful. It feels like a dream almost surreal at times. The world isn't kind but I didn't exactly saw it right, so that's how it feels (that I mentioned before disbelief mixed with realization that it is true and the suffocation literally ). You know like being on a thread between life and death. Belonging to neither world.

I wish I could always remain a kid. And I know you will say that you still can. But I mean literally a kid, not knowing of this world's "other side". I came across autobiography or diary of someone today and that made me pen down these feelings that I don't even say to my friends , to all of you. Typing is a burden but it's my only resort, hehe cuz you all know I'm not much of a talker (well except some, I like having face to face real conversations, not small chit chats) also I always have this feeling that no one will get me ( you know I am good at feeling vibes), or they will say that I am childish or conservative.

               I only have this connection with my brother even though he annoys the hell out of me. But he's still a kid , doesn't even know the things which plague me. The very "knowing of things " that upset me , how can I tell him too. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

         Many of you are really good friends, like really really good friends. You guys give me motivation, help me, and all sorts of things. But just listen this time. Just listen for the first time and don't say anything.

         I am not a depressing person, not at all. I like living in my head, reading books, drawing, having chitchats with my brother or just having afternoon tea with my parents as we dicuss our childhoods and my brothers embarassing moments. I like feeling the buzz of nature. That's all there is in my mind. So I when I read things like that, negativity hits me like a truck. And I just can't breathe, it's like a panic attack, but a mild one. Where you are calm at the outside or trying to, but inside another layer of innocence gets peeled off. It's cruel. It's painful. I don't know what you are thinking right now after reading this, maybe even laughing at some point.

            I know I am privileged to have this kind of life. Hats off to my Parents though. They never threw religion at us, didn't stop us for going to trips, or made me wear hijab (even I was the one who assked to wear it hehe) or any sort of that like most Parents do. But they taught us to be a good person. A sincere person. To treat a non-muslim , servant, maid, a child even, with respect. And now it's instilled in my bones. If I think I was rude, I immediately get worried about it. Or I can't get mad at someone for more than a minute. (the hurt still remain though and I can't do anything about it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

      I don't know if I am gonna post this. I hate feeling vulnerable. I hate opening up to someone who is not gonna stay there for the life. It hurts when they know everything about you but you are strangers now. Yes I'm talking about you sibgha. There I said it. Love hurts. And please stop romanticizing the word love. It's universal. Friends can break your hearts too. When you consider them your sister. But they- khair.

             I don't hate her. Not at all. I spent some best moments of my life with her. She taught me many things. [Ugh I felt happy, very very happy. ]  I was such a clueless, dumb, penguin (I guess I still am :) ). And Sir Hanif used to said "Sibgha tum bachi ko kharab kro gi. So you are not going to sit together again."

It was comical. She was everything I wasn't. Extrovert, fashionable, social. While I was a nerd, complete nerd. Oh and the first time we actually interacted , it was comical too. Yes that was in Sir Hanif's class too. Pretty comic again hahaha. Opposites attract, it's true. Chemistry is wrong. Believe in Physics ;)

                I used to be so open minded before. Like I never judged anyone  (I still don't but some thoughts do appear in my head some times and I just shake them off ), college was a place where everyone judged you openly or secretly . And she was the one who wanted to become my friend. I guess it hurts more cause' our time was how I wanted (and still wish to have) with a friend. Completely sincere and bare. Maybe that's why I am now so closed off a bit. I never feel that same rush with anyone. She cared about me too. And it adds to the "hurt" .

         Well, university started and it was a lot different from my college. People were somewhat different too. I was excited to know medical knowlege to say the least. Growing up I admired Doctors. Just becuase they always talked calmly, politely. (Some of my Baba's friends are doctors)

Uhh I have a thing for soft spoken, polite people. :)

      So it didn't turn out as exceptional as I had imagined (well it's Pakistan, I can't expect it to be like Harvard now), but University wasn't that bad  I came to know after some months.

       There wasn't enough time to think in these months , we all were so caught up in substages, stages, assessments and the first proff came. The worst nightmare of every med student.

      I remember I prepared for biochem in just one night. And passed it lmao. A feat that was. Hehe

     Well I made some friends too. That is saying a lot, where I didn't know anyone and me being such an introvert. I'm not open to them much still but I have come to care about them a lot! Specially Dee. She's awesome. A bit fiery but she's love. And Noor. I don't know how we became friends haha... And Rabi... She's still mad at me. (But I am not gonna apologize (for the second time) for the thing which wasn't my fault.) But she's really cool too.

     I guess I will name these excrepts "Musings of a wanderer"  . let's see when I will post next . It's kind of fun too. I'm sleepy now. Bye :)

P.s. Sorry for any typos. My typing sucks. Really.

#diary #excrepts #autobiography #musings #wanderer #writer