#also dont mind me trying to figure out how their faces work

[demonicnarwhale]

AND WHEN I GOOGOO ON MY LADY GAGA ra ra ra-ah -aAhá part 1

[rrxnjun]

where do broken hearts go? [lmk]

you know what they say about past lovers that can remain just as friends - either they're still in love with each other, or they never were in the first place.

pairing: mark lee x fem! reader

genre: exes to lovers. angst, fluff.

wc: 12k (11.926)

warnings: mention of sex, weed and alcohol, heartbreak, swearing, park jihoon of treasure is one sassy bitch and also accidentally somehow the main character of this fanfic plz dont @ me, inconsistent writing style bc i took 3 months and 3 depressive episodes to finish this fic

playlist: where do broken hearts go - one direction / too good to say goodbye - bruno mars / everytime - ariana grande / closer - waterparks / tornado warnings - sabrina carpenter / survive the night - the boyz

a/n: hey do some of you still remember me..... AHAHA tell a friend to tell a friend rrxnjun is BACK! this fic isn't the ideal vision i had in my mind but we are working on not being so hard on ourselves with our writing so! here we are. i still kind of like it :,)

When you walk up to your best friend’s apartment one day with a tub of ice cream under your arm and the biggest pout on your face, Park Jihoon makes a complete list of things you should do to get over your failed relationship with Mark Lee. And while you think your dear friend has some psychopathic tendencies sometimes, you’d say the list is actually pretty reasonable of him. 

There’s something about the five simple steps that makes you wonder if it’s really as easy as Jihoon makes it sound. And while you doubt it– because the pinging pain in your heart makes it seem like the heartbreak is truly going to kill you in a few minutes if you don’t do something about it– you give it a try, because come on… you’d do anything to not feel like this ever again.

Step one – cry it out.

“He was a cunt anyway,” Jihoon mutters as he steps into the living room with two spoons in his hands, throwing one of them to you– while almost managing to hit you in the middle of your forehead in the process, adding a concussion to the mix of problems you have going on right now– and you find yourself furrowing your brows at his hateful comment.

“Why’d you say that?”

“Well, as your best friend, I’m supposed to be on your side, no?” he says as he takes a seat on the sofa next to you, watching as you wrap one of the thick blankets you got for the male around your figure– you bought it mainly for yourself, because his apartment is cold as a freezer and you knew he wouldn’t buy one for you to use in the first place– and shrugs. “Besides, he broke your heart, and any male who does that is a cunt in my eyes.”

“I broke up with him,” you mourn, “so I broke my own heart,” you snicker, despair fully filling you up from the inside– fitting everywhere into your lungs and choking you up from how bad you truly feel. Now, this isn’t your first breakup– you’ve had your fair share of boyfriends in high school (in your baddie era, as Jihoon called it), but Choi Yeonjun from Maths class and Jung Woonyoung, the guy you dated for a total of 2 months over the summer break before he moved away, weren’t exactly boys you found yourself falling in love with. Sure, you liked them, you kissed them and went on dates with them– hell, you even hooked up with Yeonjun once before you realized the relationship truly wasn’t for you– but no one managed to cave into your heart just as much as Mark Lee, your first college boyfriend did.

“But you sure had a reason for it, come on!” Jihoon huffs, taking the tub of ice cream from your hands and opening it for you, since you’ve gotten quite weak from the lack of sleep and nutritions ever since the break up, hands clammy and not cooperating. “You don’t just break up with someone to break your own heart. He did that, that’s why you said goodbye to him,” he says before sitting the enormous tub of ice cream between your two bodies, nudging you to dig into the frozen delicacy.

“Yeah, but–”

“No buts, young lady. We are here to make you forget you ever even dated Mark Lee, so open up, eat the ice cream and focus your attention on Titanic so you can finally cry it out,” he says, and by the tone of his voice, you’d think he’s angry with you. Jihoon has this aura around him that makes you think he’s always at least a little annoyed at everything– but he told you to not mind it and that it’s just his sassy bitch attitude. 

He does have a point, though. You broke up with Mark because he broke your heart first– there was no other reason for it. If it was something minor, something small, you were sure you could work on it. You have, numerous of times before, brought up something and had a mature conversation about it– something you always so admired about Mark, being so cautious and understanding when navigating problems in the relationship– but when you bring up the same thing over and over, and it never gets fixed despite him telling you he’ll try harder next time, you think you’re allowed to feel a little heartbroken at his nonexistent efforts. And that’s exactly why you decided to quit the relationship– after a while, you felt like you were putting in more effort than he was, effectively making you feel like he’s not even that interested in dating you in the first place.

First, he just told you he was forgetful. He forgot he promised to pick you up from class one day– and you said that it’s okay, he is busy, after all– and it was the first time it happened, so you didn’t really mind that much, truly. Then, he forgot about the date you scheduled– but it was fine, because you didn’t have reservations anyway, you could change the day to any other day of the week, after all. He kept forgetting the stuff you told him in between the conversations you shared– and it was small things, you understand, but sometimes, you wondered if he was ever really listening to you at all. 

Forgetful soon turns not interested in your eyes, and when he doesn’t call you in the evening like he promised he would, when he doesn’t show up to the party you invited him to, because he forgot it was that day, you’re one step closer to calling it quits, because each and every one of these situations sends a sharp pain into your stomach. The last straw was just last week, though– and realistically, it was an important day, as much that you thought the day is somehow gonna fix everything, but the truth is somewhere completely else as Mark Lee forgets about your one year anniversary and never shows up at your doorstep for the dinner you prepared for the two of you like he promised he would. 

And it doesn’t click in him two days after either– you don’t even get a text. He got so forgetful over time that he forgot about you completely, and that’s when you took an uber to his place and broke up with him for good.

And even though the breakup was the most painful thing you’ve ever felt yourself go through, Jihoon is right– you’re not the one that broke your own heart. Mark Lee did that for you many times before, and this was just the breaking point.

“Fucking hell, you bought cookies and cream again?” Jihoon huffs when he takes another spoonful of the ice cream into his mouth, eyebrows furrowing at the sweet taste. Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you wipe your left cheek as you hum, immune to his nagging by now.

“You know I hate cookies and cream!”

“You know, Hoon, I bought this for myself. When you’re the one that’s heartbroken, we’ll share your favorite ice cream flavor instead,” you mumble, munching on the coldness on your tongue, sniffling a little when your eyes avert to the TV screen.

And after that, the teasing from your best friend’s side stops. Maybe it’s just because he hates to see you cry– and he rarely gets the chance, if you’re being honest, since you’re pretty good at handling your emotions– but you secretly know that it’s because when he looks back at the TV screen in front of the two of you, the sad part of the movie hasn’t even started yet and the tears are not the result of the movie, but of your own thoughts instead.

Step two – give him back all of his stuff and the stuff he’s given you that reminds you of him. Demand that he does the same.

Now, step two was a thing most couples do when they break up. Realistically, it makes sense– you wouldn’t want stuff that’s not yours just laying around, and also, it’s just bound to remind you of the person you lost. Naturally, you’d want to return it.

“Why does he have to return my things as well?” you mutter under your breath as Jihoon helps you fold all Mark’s hoodies into a cardboard box, alongside with wrapping the little things your ex boyfriend made out of ceramic for you in tissue paper like you asked him to– even though he complained and said that it shouldn’t matter to you if they break, because you are the heartbroken one– but you held those little things too close to your heart to let them get damaged in the first place.

“Because that’s how it works,” Jihoon hums, watching as you throw another one of Mark’s shirts onto the top of his head, shielding his vision. “What, you don’t want your stuff back?”

“I mean…” you mumble, deeply considering of the fact that the thought of getting your stuff back didn’t even cross your mind until now, before you realize your favorite pair of socks is thrown somewhere in Mark’s drawers– the blue ones with peaches on them– and you suddenly have the revelation that while you don’t necessarily need the stuff back, you’d love to wear those socks again. “I guess…” you note as you walk over to Jihoon and take a glance into the full cardboard box, looking over the stuff and chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“It’s like witchcraft, y’know,” Jihoon points out, looking at you with fierce eyes mirroring the stupid idea that just flashed through his brain, “if you don’t exchange the things, a piece of you is still kept at his apartment and you won’t be able to move on.”

And again, Park Jihoon does have psychopathic tendencies, but he may be onto something here. So you listen to him as you nod along and close the cardboard box, ready to drive over to Mark Lee’s apartment and drop off the things you’ve collected from him for the past year. The box includes all of the clothes messily scattered across your drawers and your closet, the picture frame of you two together that you always had on your night stand, the ceramic bowls and a little tiger sculpture he made for you when he took a pottery class with his friend Renjun, and the lost guitar pics you found under your bed and at the very top of your bookshelf from when he used to bring his guitar along and play you songs on rainy afternoons. The only things of Mark’s that you kept were the love letter he gave you for your birthday and the USB with his cover of Justin Bieber’s Off my face on it that he shyly gifted to you on one of your dates; but you would never tell Jihoon that in fear of him getting rid of those most precious memories for you.

It’s good to let go, but you don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to keep something to remind you of the good times. The times you still felt loved by Mark.

“Off we go,” you say, standing up and bringing the box towards your front door, your best friend at your feet. He promised to drive you to Mark’s place– you think he’s worried about you meeting your ex-boyfriend face to face for the first time since the break up, but he said it’s because you’re too broke to Uber all the time, efficiently throwing all the considerate thoughts you were accrediting him out the window– and after a few minutes of the drive, you find yourself standing on the doorstep of Mark Lee's apartment.

Taking a deep breath in and out, almost chickening out with the flood of thoughts and excuses you could say to Jihoon when you come back to his car with the box still in your hands– sayings like “he wasn’t home” or “he didn’t want those back”, the latter stupider than the first– you decide to face your problems head-on and finally knock on the mahogany door, waiting for Mark to answer. And he does– of course he does, because he’s always home, and as his ex-girlfriend of one year, you're painfully aware of the fact– but when that happens, you feel your heart falling all the way down to your stomach, crushing you and suddenly making it hard for you to breathe. 

“Um… hi,” he greets you, voice a little groggy, as if he hasn’t spoken in a while– and when you meet his eyes, the deep chocolate orbs you always found yourself admiring and writing silent odes to in your head, you quickly glance away in fear of staring into them for too long and making decisions you wouldn’t like to make.

“Hi,” you awkwardly greet back, clearing your throat and moving a little in your place, shifting the weight from one foot to the other. You're surprised you're able to keep up with the conversation, thoughts running in your brain faster than you can comprehend them, heartbeat ringing in your ears from the unexpected anxiety. Maybe Jihoon was right and you should've taken a shot before coming here– at least you'd have more courage and social skills clearly needed for this kind of interaction. “I… brought you back your things,” you say, finally looking up at the male and chewing on your lips, letting out an awkward, tense laugh when he stares at you with an empty look, “figured you’d want them back,” you add, watching as the male opens his mouth and closes it in what seems to be shock before he presses his lips tightly together and nods at you.

“Uh, yeah,” he says, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he watches you clumsily hold up the cardboard box to him, ready to leave his stuff there with him and escape as fast as you can, not really minding how you'll get back to Jihoon's car– if jumping down the window of the entrance hall is the fastest option, you're ready to get to it. The truth is, everything is starting to get a little too hard to bear– his familiar scent filling your nose, the hoodie he wore to your first date enveloping his figure, his messy hair reminding you of the many times you brushed your fingers through it in attempts to smooth it down. It’s only been two weeks since you last saw him, but it was starting to feel as if you forgot about him already and were now relearning all the things you once fell in love with again, looking at him in the same light, yet noticing him and all the small details a little bit differently. “Thanks, I… I actually, uh… I have your stuff here too, so if you want it back I’ll– I can just–”

“Y-yeah,” you nod, almost a little too eagerly, “that would be… cool,” you say, trying hard to ignore the fact that he had your stuff packed too, intending to give it to you, and the crashing reality that comes with it, telling you he was prepared to do this before you were and how it’s making you feel kind of shitty.

Mark moves further into the apartment, the sound of him dropping the box to the floor filling your ears before he’s back at the door in no time, a similar cardboard box in his hands that he offers to you with a tense smile on his face. “Wanted to bring it around so I had an excuse to see you, but you, uh… beat me to it, I guess…” 

Looking at him as you take the box out of his hands, gaze as if to tell him not to say such words to you when you’re still so fragile to his effect, you only nod and mutter out a simple “Thanks,” before you turn on your heel and intend to take the stairs back down.

“I’ll… see you around, then?” Mark calls after you as you take the first step out– something about it making you feel like it’s the first step out of his life, in a way– and you only nod, because one, you truly don’t know how else to reply to this question, and two, you really, really don’t know if you’ll ever see him again, but you can't bring yourself to say it to his face. Somehow, it would feel like torture to admit it– and you're not prepared for that reality just yet.

Rushing outside and getting into Jihoon's car, you almost feel like you’re on the verge of breaking, and when the male asks you how it went as he’s reversing out of the parking lot, you only bid him a one-word reply before you look through the box on your way home, too impatient to stay back from the memories.

And Jihoon didn’t really think this one through, because the fact that you gave Mark back the things that reminded you of him meant that he did the same, and now all the things you brought along to Mark’s apartment were in the cardboard box, all stained with countless memories and feelings attached to each and every single thing. The artwork you made for him, the little heart-shaped keychain you gave him for his birthday, the plant you gave him that was now long dead and dried out– those were once your stuff, but all in this world with the intention of love being sent out through them to your now ex-lover, and the fact that they’re in your possession again instead of his is not making letting go of Mark any easier. 

And maybe Mark was right and he truly was forgetful, because as you rummage through the contains of the box, while you find out your favorite blue socks are nowhere to be seen, surely still buried somewhere in the drawers of his closet, obliterated out of his memory, there’s a gray hoodie sitting at the bottom and it’s surely not yours– it’s his and it was always your favorite, and you always used to wear it at his place when you got cold or when you just really wanted to smell his cologne, and you suddenly don't know if it's presence in the box slipped his mind or if he truly left it there on purpose. 

Couldn’t he forget about that too?

Step three – block his number.

The third step comes into place after you accidentally slip out to Jihoon about the phone call you get on a Friday night– more like two hours into Saturday already– and now, most of all, you must admit that your best friend might be right about his advice.

Your phone starts ringing at 2:11 AM, and while you weren’t sleeping– you’ve been having some trouble with dozing off without being overbeared with thoughts lately– the name flashing on your screen shocks you for more reasons than one. 

Mark Lee calls you, three weeks after your breakup, in the middle of the night. You haven’t spoken since the time he gave you back your stuff, and even though you’ve done quite a bit of stalking on his social media, you have no news of him or his whereabouts. Naturally, a call from him in the middle of the night startles you and shakes you to the core. He has no reason to call you, so your brain does the math and concludes there must be an emergency– and god knows that even after being hurt by him, you could never ignore him and leave him hanging in a state of need.

So you pick up– with shaky hands and a raging heartbeat, expecting the worst. Listening to the other side of the line, you take a deep breath in and out, bracing yourself for the impact of the words you’re going to hear. The voice on the other side is laced with haziness and his tone is almost a little tired– worn out, even– when he finally greets you from wherever he is.

“Hi,” Mark says, and for a second, your heartbeat steadies itself and the world stops spinning– he sounds okay, and for a moment, you’re grateful to hear his voice.

Humming, as if to collect your thoughts, you clear your throat before you offer him an answer. “Hello,” you greet, “what’s- what’s up?”

“Just wanted to hear your voice,” he says, almost a little abruptly to your question. He doesn't overthink his answer and he doesn't give himself time to think if it's a good idea or not– he just blurts it out and now it's your problem to deal with, when it's there, out in the open. Your palms get sweaty and you start to lose feeling in your fingertips, making you take a few seconds to yourself to process the situation before you decide to finally answer to the strange sentence. 

“It’s late, Mark,” you mumble, and you involuntarily wonder if the sentence doesn’t have double meaning– it's too late for anyone to call at this hour, and at the same time, it’s been weeks since your ex boyfriend lost the privilege of listening to your voice when he can’t sleep in the middle of the night whenever he feels like it– and it’s now too late to do anything about it or make it any easier to deal with.

“Shit, sorry,” he chuckles to himself, and you suddenly recognise the laziness in his voice to be the effect of his and his best friend Hyuck’s Friday endeavors; the sweet coating of his voice being the effect of none other than the momentary bliss that comes with the relaxation of his body and mind when he's high. “Didn’t realize,” he concludes, making you shake your head at him in disbelief– not really mattering that he can’t see you in the act.

“‘s okay,” you mumble– and in your perfect reality, you hang up the phone now. In your perfect reality, you connect it to your charger and close your eyes, calling it a night. You fall asleep with no thoughts rummaging through your brain and wake up in the morning to a new sunny day, ready to take on the responsibilities of what’s to come, having productive days ended with smiles and a hot dinner you make for yourself just because you feel like it. In your perfect reality, you protect your own heart. This is not your perfect reality, though– and that’s why you stay on the line, listening to Mark ramble on the other side of the phone, intoxicated and slightly out of it. You wonder if he’ll remember calling you when he wakes up tomorrow. You wonder if he’ll regret it, or if he’ll just shrug his shoulders at the fact and go on with his day, not really paying you much thought when he’s sober.

“I was with Hyuck just now,” he says, and you hear the rustling of his sheets on the other side of the line, making you wonder if he’s washed up and ready for bed, “and– and I remembered how we all used to hang out together, y’know… you with us all– you always clicked with my friends and it was so cool and stuff… and I realized, right, they’re not as funny when you’re not around… but anyways… Jeno’s girlfriend asked about you, ‘cause she didn’t know…and telling her felt so silly, ‘cause they all kept looking at me and I knew they were pitying me, but it was my fault in the first place–”

“Mark–” 

“No, it’s true. And it’s cool, I don’t– I don’t blame you, or anything. I just… I dunno, I guess it got me wondering…”

The line goes silent on the other side, and you settle into your own bed, giving him time to continue. When he doesn’t say anything for a long time, you wonder if he’s fallen asleep.

“Mark?”

“Hm?”

“You still there?”

“Yeah. How was your day?” he asks, tone of voice casual as ever, as if he’s forgotten about all the words he’s told you up until now–  as if it’s not 2 AM and both of your hearts aren’t breaking at the sound of each other’s voice on the other side of the line.

“It… it was okay, I guess,” you say nonetheless, too hopeless to find a way to end the conversation before he does. 

“That’s good to hear,” he says, sighing, “that’s… awesome. You still taking those yoga classes on Mondays?” he asks, and you snicker to yourself– because what kind of question even is that? Who asks that on a late night call, when there are more important things you two need to talk about?

“Yeah,” you lie, still. You haven’t been since the breakup.

“That’s great. Wouldn’t want you to… y’know,” he laughs to himself, “be too sad over this… ‘t was for the better, after all.”

You hear yourself hum– the noise way more stable than your actual words ever could be– and you find yourself feeling silly in the conversation, lying to your ex boyfriend through your teeth; because at the end of the day, you don’t want him to worry about you– because it seems to be the case that he is. And it’s stupid, because he hurt you and you shouldn’t care, maybe you should’ve even show him that you’re heartbroken and that he is the reason behind your pain and the way your life is falling apart, bit by bit, but you don’t find it in you to be so cold and heartless. At the end of the day, you still care about Mark and there’s nothing you could do about it. Turns out that breaking up with him doesn’t magically make the feelings go away– and you knew that, but now you have proof.

“What were you saying before, by the way? You… trailed off at the end,” you say, reminding him of his previous words.

“Oh, that,” he snickers into the microphone again, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he twists and turns in the sheets, “don’t worry about it. It was selfish of me.”

It was selfish of him to call in the first place. But you won’t tell him that.

“What was it?”

“It’s just… I was wondering if I lost you forever, y’know… if there was a chance we could ever…” he trails off again, but this time, you don’t bug him to complete it. You’re not stupid– you know the implication of his words. You’ve known him for a long time, after all– maybe you should’ve predicted this when you picked up the call.

“I mean…” you hum, “you didn’t lose me completely, if that’s– if that’s what’s keeping you up at night. We’re still friends, aren’t we?” you say, and in the corner of your brain, you can’t even believe the words yourself– but if it was selfish of him to call, you think it’s okay for you to selfishly fill both of you with empty promises, just for the sake of not breaking your heart even further.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, “that’s– ���I’m glad.”

The line’s silent after that, and you wonder if you two have used up the list of words to say to each other this time, if there’s truly no other answer at the end of this conversation. When the situation gets too much for you to bear, the heaviness finally settling on your shoulders and your chest, you finally find the courage to sniffle out a quiet goodbye.

“Good night, Mark.”

“G’night,” he drags out, mind still cloudy. “Love you,” spills out from his tongue, like a bad habit.

He ends the call before you get to say it back. Maybe that’s for the better.

And the truth is, you should’ve really listened to Park Jihoon and blocked Mark’s number after this encounter. But you didn’t– you’re too weak for Mark’s sweet words, finding yourself still hanging on to his saccharine voice and the muffled ramble he has reserved for you only every time he gets high and loses all self-control before calling you on Friday nights selfishly demanding your attention, somehow falling for him like a teenager over and over again despite promising yourself you're gonna move on for real now.

Step four – date someone new.

“So…” Jihoon starts one day, eyes glued to your skull like laser beams, the tone of his voice so incomprehensible you think he’s going to scold you for the actions of your previous days– even though you haven't told him about the midnight calls with Mark and so if he's not going through your phone, he has no way of knowing. Tense and nervous, still, knowing that the impact of his words could either heal you or cut you open like a knife– damn him for always being so brutally honest, no matter how soft his heart is for you– you smile at him with tight lips, crossing your arms on your chest in defense.

“So…?” 

A nervous laugh almost escapes your throat. If Jihoon wasn’t suspicious of you before, he surely is now– or he just finds you strange by the way he furrows his brows at you and scans you up and down, taking a second for himself before he sighs and seemingly decides to drop the weird way you’re acting right now, shaking his head and focusing on the task at hand.

“I was thinking… my friend asked about you,” he says, nonchalantly looking down onto his hands and taking the dirt out from behind his nails, as if it’s not a big deal and he doesn’t even care that much. “Choi Hyunsuk from Biology, you know him– shabby haircut, kinda short, failed the class so he has to retake it this year…?”

“I think you’re forgetting the fact that the two of us have completely different majors, Hoonie,” you sweetly smile at him with irony, making him roll his eyes with a sigh before he tries again.

“The guy who ripped his pants at Xiao Dejun’s party last year?”

“Oh, that one! You should’ve said that earlier, of course I remember Choi Hyunsuk from your Biology class,” you nod hurriedly, the gears finally clicking in your brain.

“As if I wasn’t talking about him for the last few minutes–”

“Okay, and what about him?” you cut him off, already tired of his annoying tangent.

“I said he asked about you.”

“I heard that already,” you nod, looking at him with expecting eyes. “And?”

Jihoon stares at you, unblinking, as if you fell on your head and he’s trying to comprehend if you’re still here with him or if you got a concussion and need to be transferred into a hospital. When the contact of his eyes on your skin gets a bit too uncomfortable– you swear his looks could actually kill someone, if he tried enough– you furrow your brows at him in confusion and shake your head in disbelief.

“Why are you staring at me like that, Park Jihoon?”

“Just tryna see if you’re really that stupid or if you’re just pretending,” he mutters under his nose before he sighs again– his favorite activity whenever you’re around, it seems– and speaks up again, tone of voice reminding you of a kindergartener teacher trying to explain why it gets dark in the evening to a bunch of 4 year olds. “You know, when people ask about you, they are usually interested in you, as in, my friend Hyunsuk didn’t ask because you’re nice, but because you’re hot, if you know what I'm getting onto.”

“Oh,” you get out, eyes wide in concern and a little shaken-up, “well, that’s… nice of him, I guess.”

Jihoon only hums at you before he looks around himself and brings out the bag of chips that he left open by his right side only a few seconds ago, not really speaking more about the topic. It’s either he’s waiting for you to get what he’s hinting at, or he’s just waiting for you to get even more confused and ask him about it in a few seconds again– either way, he’s not the one doing more talking right now, because conversations with you, the most oblivious person he’s ever seen, are never productive if he goes too fast.

Chewing on the chips, his eyes go wide when you finally open your mouth and talk more about the topic at hand– just like he predicted. “Why are you telling me this?”

Your best friend swallows before he places the bag of chips back to its original place and turns his whole body so he’s facing you, speaking up again. “I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, you’d like to hang out with him. Like a date, before you ask– because I know you’re gonna ask– and why? – because, again, I know you’re gonna ask– because I simply think you should try to date again to get your mind off the loser you broke up with two months ago,” he says, blunt and honest, answering all of your unsaid questions at once, and before you know it, he has you snickering and shaking your head in disapproval.

“Absolutely not,” you retort, waving your hands in the air to only further show your disagreement with the proposition, “that would just be a massive catastrophe.”

“Why? Hyunsuk’s nice.”

“I didn’t say he isn’t, it’s just…”

“Just?” he probes you, eyebrows raised and questioning.

“I… don’t know,” you nervously chew on the inside of your cheek, aimlessly shrugging. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea, Jihoon.”

“Because of Mark?” he asks, and the moment his name escapes your best friend’s mouth, the whole room goes strangely quiet– you feel your heartbeat in your throat, the tips of your fingers start tingling and you swear that if you concentrate hard enough, you could feel a bead of sweat drip down your forehead with the incoming stress and nerves only the mention of your ex boyfriend brings you.

“No, that’s not it–”

“Sure,” he nods, sighing to himself– and there it is again, the judging look you so despise.

“You can’t just expect me to date other people a few weeks after my break up, Jihoon,” you exclaim, “that– that wouldn’t even be fair to your friend. You know I wouldn’t be invested,” you explain, and your friend rolls his eyes in frustration, sighing to himself.

“Oh but I know that! And Hyunsuk does too,” he shakes his head at you, “just thought the company of someone else could take your mind off things.”

“I have you,” you try.

“Yeah, but all we do when we’re together is mope about Mark Lee,” Jihoon snickers, “and don’t get me wrong, I’m more than open to bitch about your ex boyfriend and as your best friend, I don’t mind, but the fact that you’d be hanging out with someone else could take your mind off him, because you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about him with someone else, y’know?”

You shut your eyes closed, a heavy sigh heaving out of your body as you try hard to concentrate and not lose it, and with how Jihoon’s tone gets softer and he’s not as loud with his brutal, yet logical advice, he must feel you getting overwhelmed and accommodates to your needs. “Look, it’s gonna be fun. I promise. Hang out with someone new, feel wanted and hot and pretty again, get some male attention that’s not your ex boyfriend, and you’ll see how it makes you feel. If you hate it, you hate it and you can slap me, I don’t know... If you don’t, you can keep dating around with my friends, and I swear I’ll hook you up only with the nice ones,” he takes your hand into his and waves it around in comfort, making you open your eyes and look at him again.

Seeing the softness and encouragement in your best friend’s eyes, you sigh to yourself. All this time, he’s tried to help you– what if you finally follow his advice? Who knows, it might even help. 

Sighing, you squeeze his palm and hover over him to get the stranded bag of chips he’s guarding on the other side of the sofa. “Fine,” you mutter, “but let your friend know that he’s the one paying, okay?”

“Perfect. I'll text him your number, then.“

And maybe Jihoon was right and after dolling yourself up and dressing up in your favorite dress just so you would feel as comfortable as possible, you don’t feel as bad when his friend Hyunsuk picks you up in his white Volvo and chats with you on the way to the restaurant. He makes good small talk and even gets a giggle out of you, the music in his car is low and you find yourself slowly easing into the situation. You don’t remember when the last time you went out with a guy that wasn’t Mark was, but it’s surprisingly nice. 

And Jihoon was right– you feel pretty. And when Hyunsuk opens the door for you after pulling up to the parking lot of the restaurant, you even feel wanted. You like the attention, just like any other girl would, and the smile you offer to your date seeps of tender shyness as you get out of the comfortable seat of his car. 

The illusion, though, is soon broken as you notice the restaurant he pulled up to. Your smile freezes, your palms get sweaty and you feel your heartbeat rummaging against your ribcage as soon as the idle atmosphere of the restaurant opens up before you. And realistically, you could turn on your heel and get back to the car, tell Hyunsuk that you want to go to another restaurant– but you don’t do it, against your biggest wishes, because you worry that the boy already made a reservation and you don’t want to ruin an evening that’s going well so far.

“Everything alright?” your date checks up on you, seemingly noticing the frown on your face, and when his worried eyes meet yours, it’s sealed– you’d feel too bad for pulling out of the date now. So you only do what you always do best– you put on your best relaxed smile and nod, catching up to him and ensuring him that you’re all okay and you didn’t just talk yourself out of an anxiety attack. 

Because you owe it to him and to Jihoon– both of them worked so hard to make you feel happy and help you to get over your ex boyfriend. It’s not Hyunsuk’s fault that he just managed to pick the restaurant your said ex boyfriend works at part-time. He had no way of knowing, and if you’re lucky enough, Mark wouldn’t be on today. He only works here part-time, it’s not like he’s here every day, and as far as you’re concerned, he only worked like two or three days a week when you dated. It would be a weird coincidence for him to be working the day you go there with your new date– you hope you’re not that unlucky.

Hyunsuk is a gentleman. Opening up doors for you, pulling out the chair for you, letting you talk and not interrupting you. He watches you with fond eyes and you almost try to feel bad for the fact that even if this ended well, the poor boy would just end up being a rebound. He deserves so much more, and you start to worry if this date was a good idea after all. Wasn’t it selfish of you to agree to this? 

“What do you want to get?” he asks as you open up the menu, and you squint at the prices, mentally taking a note to order the cheapest thing just in case he wants to pay for you at the end of the evening. 

“Spaghetti Bolognese,” you blurt out, despite it not being your favorite meal. Hyunsuk just stares at you with squinted eyes, but doesn’t disagree with you. After all, he has no way of knowing that you dislike the taste of the sauce in most restaurants– even though your conscience tells you that Mark knew that and always made sure to remind you about it before ordering for you, worried that you won’t get to eat much that evening– the only thing left to hope is that it tastes good in this particular place. 

“Okay, sure,” he nods and puts the menu down, smiling at you before engaging in a comfortable conversation with you. It feels like you’ve known Hyunsuk forever– his personality oddly reminding you of Jihoon’s caused mainly by the fact that the two have grown up together. Everything flows soundly, but you still find yourself anxiously picking at your cuticles as you cautiously look around the restaurant, fearing the fact that you could catch a glimpse of your ex boyfriend at any second.

And maybe you should be a psychic, because those bad feelings were not there for nothing– when you see a waiter walking out of the back and eyeing your table, ready to get your order, the boy is a few inches taller than your current date, raven hair messy, but still a little styled, dark circles under the man’s eyes, and there he is– your ex boyfriend. Mark Lee halts in his movements, wearing his work uniform, eyes wide, a hint of something that breaks you at least in two mirroring in his orbs before he turns on his heel and disappears in the back again. When he doesn’t come back and his co-worker joins you and Hyunsuk at your table with a warm smile, you stop waiting to see the glimpse of him you selfishly desired to catch despite fearing the interaction the whole evening.

You want to fall through the floor and disappear in the depths of this earth. For some reason, you feel mortified. What would he think? And why do you even care about his feelings? A million different thoughts run through your brain and you worry that you’re being too distant from your current date, but Hyunsuk’s warm eyes reassure you that he doesn’t mind. 

Piercing the food on your table with your eyes, you try to battle the noisy words running around your brain. 

It’s easy to say you’re over someone when you don’t see them. To have them in front of you, meet their gaze and acknowledge their existence and still be able to nod and say that you’ve moved on, is something completely different. 

Were you ever convinced that you were over Mark Lee in the first place, though?

After all of this– the months of following Jihoon’s advice, although making a few mishaps along the way as you continue to pick up Mark’s calls on Friday nights, snoop around his socials and let your mind wander to places it shouldn’t, overthinking everything and making you wish the relationship never ended in the first place– it’s time for the last step of it all. The last, most crucial part of this whole moving on process– the most important one, if you may.

Step five – avoid him at all costs.

Sounds easy, right? After the four previous steps, you’d already cried plenty about the lost months with your ex-boyfriend. You’d already given him back all of his stuff, not tying yourself to him with any material memory. You’d already gone on a date with someone new, choosing to distract yourself instead of letting yourself feel the emotions. After all the previous steps, this one’s supposed to be the easiest one. The one you’re supposed to want to do, after all. The break-up wasn’t messy, but it was still painful– it’s only natural for you to not want to see Mark ever again, right?

Wrong.

Because you never listen to the advice you’re given. That just wouldn’t be you, would it?

And so when Mark Lee calls you one day and tells you that he has a free train ticket to the Bukhansan stop, explaining that he was supposed to go hike there with Donghyuck who canceled on him last minute because of an assignment due midnight, you don’t really hesitate much before you shoot him a short text saying that you’re down and get ready for the short hike. 

When you meet your ex boyfriend at the station, his figure slightly slouched up until the moment his eyes meet yours, you feel the quiet tension in the air. You’ve seen each other a few times before this meeting– on a party you went to with Jihoon, at the campus when you went to class one morning, your ex boyfriend walking you towards the Art building, hell, you’ve even met in the grocery store, all accidental and making your heart leap in your chest with tension. This time, though, you’re here completely intentionally, just to hang out with him, and something about the fact makes a dull pain shoot all through your intestines, a sensation so uncomfortable you try to hide with a tight-lipped smile. 

“Ready for the hike?” he asks, adjusting the bag on his back, playing with the straps with clammy fingers. You can’t help but notice how he looks just like a little boy, in his little world, shielded from everything. He seems to have taken a protective stance, and you hate how the air between you shifted from how you two used to be when you were dating. Mark seems scared. Nervous. On top of his feet. Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to this at all.

You’re already here, though. Turning around and leaving wouldn’t really work right now, as you take a step towards the train that’s just arrived, humming to your ex boyfriend in agreement. Taking a seat on the place Mark’s pointed to you on the train ticket, you try to loosen up your muscles and get as comfortable as you can, clearing your mind as you gaze outside of the window.

“How have you been?” he asks, clearing his throat.

Pressing your lips into a tight line, you turn to him as you search for an answer. “Better,” you nod, voice quiet. “You?”

Mark hums, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Good, good,” he lies through his teeth, “I’ve seen you at the restaurant the other day,” he hints, and you battle the sigh that’s begging to cut out of your throat. You don’t know where he’s going with the sentence. It’s not a question– only a proposition, barely even that– and you could ignore it with a nod of your head, you could pay it no mind as you see the bitterness in his gaze and the slightly self-conscious averting of his stare. You don’t know where he’s going with the conversation, but frankly, you don’t know where you are going with your answer either, as you shrug to him in a casual manner and peep under your breath.

“Yeah,” you say, “that was just… Jihoon’s friend from uni, I suppose,” you complete, and the sentence hints at nothing– it doesn’t clear out the confusion, it doesn’t outright say anything that could make Mark believe that it was just a casual hang-out with a friend, but still, you see the boy visibly relax as he nods to you and offers you a tight-lipped smile.

“Oh,” he hums, looking out of the window, past the profile of your face. The change in topic is sudden and sharp, but also welcome as he falls into a casual conversation with you, and suddenly, you’re reminded by the Mark you once knew– the guy you’ve once called not socially awkward, but so social that it’s awkward– as he talks to you about his day and rambles on about the weather. “It’s good that it won’t rain today, I bet the view will be nice.”

Locking your gaze with him for a brief second, you lick your lips and point your eyes towards the ground. It’s good that it won’t rain today, as opposed to last time you two went to the Bukhansan trail. You wonder if he remembers.

Before you have a chance to mention it– and in all reality, you won’t, no matter how bold you could be feeling at the moment– the train comes to a stop at your station and you hop out of the carriage, ready for the hike.

It’s easy to forget how messed up things have gotten between the two of you when you walk alongside with your ex boyfriend, laughing at his silly jokes and gasping at everything he shows to you with a pointed finger, finding yourself admiring the sound of his giggle when he spots a squirrel pass your path somewhere near the top of the hill. The trail is almost empty at this hour, since the two of you have decided to go in the late afternoon, and you find your soul to finally be at peace after so many weeks, you finally feel relaxed in the nature, one with the wind and the gentle sound of birds chirping lullying your running thoughts to a rest. 

You realize that this is just what you needed all this time. You needed to get out and walk for some while, to tune out yourself and to accept the fact that you’re still here, for another day, and something about that is still a blessing. Watching the back of Mark’s head as he walks a step in front of you due to the narrowness of the trail in this area, you smile to yourself. It’s easy to forget just how much you were hurt by him when he heals your soul with such a simple gesture. It’s easy to forget you were hurt when he seemingly tries to put all the broken pieces back together, glue them to where they were in the first place, when things were easier and you both didn’t have so many things to worry about. 

You reach the top just as the sun starts setting over the horizon, and there are only a few people scattered across the peak, sitting on their own picnic blankets and gazing into the distance. The hues of the sky paint the world in a different color, the oranges, pinks and muted purples playing with your heartstrings as you come to a halt and crouch down and feel the presence of another soul mirror your actions only a meter away to your right, his gaze glued to your side. The view is beautiful, but the feeling of being watched isn’t ignorable anymore, and so you turn to your companion and raise your eyebrows at him, wondering if he has something to say.

You don’t know how you’ll be able to come back to your life after this and pretend you still don’t want to spend every passing second with the man on your right. You don’t know how you’re supposed to ignore the ever so growing love for him– even though after being so disappointed with the past, the feelings should be decreasing, not doing the opposite– and frankly, you don’t even want to think of going back to the way it’s been for the past few months. And so you don’t– you allow yourself to indulge the moment, to ignore the pain that’s about to come, just so you could hold another beautiful memory to your heart and enjoy the moment before it hurts you to think of it tomorrow morning. 

“It’s even more beautiful than the last time,” Mark hums, but his eyes never leave your figure– if you were still dating, you bet he’d come out with a cheesy line about how you’re prettier than the view, or something. “It didn’t rain this time around, thank god.”

Gazing at him, you shake your head in disbelief. Scoffing, you play with the grass between your fingers. “You remember that?”

“Yeah,” he hums, “I remember a lot of things.”

The sentence makes you bitterly chuckle. He knows why you’re reacting the way you are– and you have every right to. He claims to remember a lot of things, but the ones important to you, the ones you wanted him to remember, he failed to save into his memory. And that’s eventually what made you break up with him, at the end of it all.

At your reaction, he sighs and drags a hand across his face, seemingly realizing the weight of his own words and just how ridiculous he must have sounded to you right now. 

“I- That-” he stutters, shaking his head, “that sounded stupid right now, considering… everything… Didn’t it?”

“Kind of,” you nod, not wanting to meet his eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out, voice suddenly raw and serious, so different to the tone he’s been using with you the whole afternoon, “I don’t- I can’t remember if I said that back then, when you- when you… broke up with me, but I really am sorry, Y/N. You didn’t deserve that, and I am in no way shape or form trying to make this about me, but I hate myself every day for the way things turned out and if I could go back to that day, I’d do so many things differently.”

The sky in front of you deepens in reds and you taste iron on your tongue, suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that you’ve managed to bite on your lip too hard in the midst of the conversation. Tearing out stems of grass with your clammy fingertips, you focus on the clouds running through the sky, calculating your next response.

“Okay,” you nod, not giving him much else. The answer perfectly encapsulates the way you feel on the inside right now– you don’t know if you’re ready to accept his apology, if you’re ready to let go of it and act like you weren’t hurt or that none of it ever happened, but you listened to him and you internalized his words. He is sorry. He knows he was in the wrong. And you were aware that he knew all of this before– hell, you’d even go as far as say he knew it the moment you knocked on his door that day and told him it was over– but hearing it from him surely moved something inside of you to a more comfortable place.

“I-” he starts, voice breaking making him clear his throat before he continues, “I don’t expect you to forgive me. And I know I shouldn’t have expected you to still be my friend after all of this, and that- I shouldn’t have even called you so many times and approached you at the store and stuff, but um-” he mumbles, shrugging to himself, “I guess I just couldn’t stay away from you. And again, I don’t expect you to forgive me, I don’t expect you to do anything, really. So… yeah…”

Snickering at his aimless monologue, you shake your head in disbelief. “Mark?”

“Yeah?” he stares at you, eyes a bottomless pool of emotion.

“Why did you invite me here today? What was the… point, I guess?” you ask, hugging your knees to your chest as the breeze makes goosebumps appear all over your body. 

Mark offers you a sad smile, head leaned to his right as he shrugs, and this time, his eyes don’t leave yours as he spills the truth into the air. “I guess I was just feeling selfish today,” he hums, and the sentence makes you cringe with the memory of his first call to you after your break up, “wanted to spend time with you.”

“Here, of all places?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “told you. I was feeling selfish.”

Snickering, you look away, staring at the sky again. The colors are starting to blend together into a deep, dark purple– the horizon darkening as the sun starts to say its final goodbyes to the day. You sigh to yourself, yet feel no bitterness or terror at his words. Somehow, you understand. Somehow, you get him a little too well. Somehow, you think you knew the moment he texted you today, and somehow, you think you felt it in your bones when you didn’t say no, although you could have. There’s calmness in your soul when you nod at the implication of his words, leaning back on your elbows and plopping your bottom to the ground, sitting at the dusty surface. 

“You said you didn’t expect anything out of me today, Mark.”

“And I don’t,” he says, voice soft. 

“And you brought me here to remind me of the last time we went?” you stare at him, a hint of a bitten-back smile playing with your lips. “Because you’re selfish?” 

He nods, not escaping your gaze. “To remind you of the last time we went. To show you that… I remember, I guess. And that I still care, just like the last time. If not more.”

“Mark, you can’t just say all of this and expect nothing out of me right now,” you mutter.

“Actually, I can. Because that’s what I’m doing. I’m just… laying it out in the open, and what you do with the information is completely, completely up to you,” he explains, and you find yourself chuckling at him, the atmosphere instantly lighter as you hear his voice in its usual casualness, talking to you as if he was just unpacking what went on in class today, and not the starting and the end of your one year relationship.

And he’s right. What you do with the information is completely up to you, and the next steps and the progress of your relationship with Mark Lee is also completely in your hands. You could turn away and never talk to him again, you could curse at him and tell him that it’s too late now and he missed his chance, but if that was the case, you wouldn’t be here in the first place. He wouldn’t be inviting you to this place, lying about his roommate canceling just to trick you into going, and you wouldn’t be blindly accepting the invitation, wanting to see where the afternoon brings you. 

“So you still care about me?” you hum, looking at him from under your eyelashes, noticing his slouched-over pose as he looks back at you over his shoulder.

“Always have,” he admits, “never stopped. Despite not really… acting like it in the past few months.”

“Why’d you stop acting like it, then?” you ask.

A sigh escapes his lips, his head turning forward before he leans back and sits cross-legged on the ground, more comfortably now. Shrugging, he answers the question. “I guess I just got too caught up with different things. And don’t get me wrong, you were always my priority, always, but I was all over the place with everything and my mind just couldn’t… there were too many things to keep up with and I couldn’t stay up to date with everything,” he says, “and I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s an explanation, and it doesn’t make it better or undo the pain I’ve caused you, but it’s… at least you know it was never because I’d care about you any less.”

His eyes bear into yours with such honesty you think the weight of the world will crash on you any minute, and suddenly, the whole situation seems so much clearer.

And you wouldn’t take it back, you wouldn’t undo the breakup or do anything differently, because at the end of the day, you think it was needed. Perhaps the time apart was what he needed as a wake up call and what you needed to shield yourself from hurting more. 

“Stop me from saying it if you… if you don’t want to hear it right now,” he hums, voice barely louder than a whisper. There seems to be a silent communication between the two of you, a connection of some sort that brings out the strange telepathy, but you just nod at him, a gentle smile playing with your lips as you understand exactly what he means, telling him that it’s okay and that you don’t mind– you welcome, you need to hear him say it again.

Licking his lips, he turns to you fully, facing you. There’s not a hint of nervousness in his body, having done this a lot of times before, and then it happens– the repeated confession, confirming what was there the whole time, never leaving even when the times were rough. 

“I love you,” he says.

And isn’t that all that’s needed? 

A year is a long time with someone. Somehow, you wouldn’t want the time to go to waste. At the end of the day, if love is still present, isn’t it worth trying? One more time?

“And you still don’t expect anything from me?” you ask, gazing at him softly. “You don’t expect me to say it back?”

“No,” he breathes out, shrugging. “I just needed to get it off my chest.”

“Because you’re selfish like that,” you nod, teasing him. 

“Because I’m selfish like that,” he agrees, breaking out into a slight grin.

Looking at the sky, now completely dipped in dark purple, you sigh to yourself at the turmoil of the conversation. You don’t say it back– although you feel it, you know it’s in there, playing with your heartstrings and clenching the muscle in the palm of its hand– you know love is there, deep inside, for the man that’s currently staring at you as if you hung the very stars appearing on the sky there yourself, stolen them from your own eyes and gluing them there selflessly, for everyone to see. You don’t tell him you love him back, you don’t tell him you forgive him or accept his apology. You don’t worry about what tomorrow will bring you, what your brain is going to tell you when you come down from the hill and get home, lay in your bed and overthink. You let the worries escape you, letting fondness and calm envelope you in a tight hug instead.

“Okay,” you nod, watching the boy next to you look at you with curious eyes. You take his hand into yours and place it on your thigh, playing with his fingers for a heartbeat before you meet his eyes again and smile. “I won’t say it back, but for all it’s worth, Mark… I’m glad you remembered.”

And that’s all he needs– there is love, there is fondness, and there is the silent confirmation that all you need right now is just a bit more time. 

Where do broken hearts go?

Somehow, you think they hold on to the place where it all started. Somehow, you think your heart never went anywhere– it stayed on this hill, waiting for you to pay it a visit and pick back up everything right from where you left it.

“It doesn’t seem like a good idea to go here today, Y/N,” Mark laughed behind you as he looked up to the sky, the dark clouds shielding the sun that had been previously shining down on your hiking figures, casting an orange glow on the strands of your hair. 

“Well, there’s no turning back now,” you shrugged, turning to him and grinning as you tugged on his hand, grip strong as you dragged the boy up the trail, your sneakers fast against the dirty ground. “We have finals starting next week and it’s gonna be too cold to go after the exam season is over, so we gotta go now.”

“I kind of regret telling you that I’ve never been here before now,” Mark sighed, but followed you nonetheless, breathlessly following your excited stride. It was October, the leaves on the trees were welcoming the two of you in shining colors, and the wind kissing your skin turned a bit chilly in the evenings– courtesy of the warm hoodie Mark shyly lended you when you shivered for the first time, adoring the way you, his friend, looked in the light gray fabric. Something about you wearing his clothes made the boy a bit hopeless about the day. Maybe he’ll have enough courage to confess his feelings to you, he thought. Maybe, despite the first raindrops falling on the skin of his bare arms, this evening will have a happy ending for you and him. 

“Oh, please,” you squinted at him, continuing to run up the hill– thank god it wasn’t that steep, serving both of you as the perfect hiking difficulty, “even if you wouldn’t have, I’d drag you here anyway. It’s like, my favorite place to go in Seoul, haven’t I told you before?”

You have, Mark thought. But he was okay with hearing it again. 

You squealed when the raindrops got heavier and the rain started pouring faster on the two of you, and Mark found himself laughing at your running figure. He was right behind you, praying that you don’t slip on one of the rocks and break your leg on the hiking trail, but he encouraged you with sweet comments and a hand on the small of your back as he watched the tip of the hill appear right in front of his very eyes, your body coming to a satisfied halt when you reached your destination.

“Tada!” you grinned at him, twirling a little like a ballerina, showing him the place with outstretched arms. He tried hard to observe the place, but his eyes stayed glued to your excited figure, gaze bearing into yours as you looked at him, amidst a little flustered, with sparkly orbs and a bright smile on your face. Your hair was a mess, his gray hoodie enveloping your body was slowly growing darker in color from absorbing the rain, and your sneakers were getting a bit muddy from walking around the place. He wanted to remember this moment forever, he thought– this version of you, the smiley expression on your face, the carefree and excited nature of your step. 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” you exclaimed, jumping around and nearing the boy, but as you went to take his hand to drag him around the top of the hill once more, your feet slipped and you fell forward, a surprised squeak battling its way out of your throat.

Your whole life flashed in front of your very eyes in that moment, embarrassment spreading down your neck at the fact that you were about to fall face first onto the ground in front of your crush of a few months, before your body collided with a soft, yet firm mass engulfing you closer. A pair of strong arms steadied you against his chest, and when you looked up at your friend, you swear all words were taken out of your dictionary, the sight leaving you speechless.

“It is,” he gaped, eyes bearing into yours. Mark was agreeing with you, but something in the back of your head was telling you that he didn’t really admire this place as much as you did– his curious gaze was always plastered somewhere completely else. 

That place being your face, of course. And your eyes, your cheeks, the mess of your bangs, and occasionally– screw that, almost always– your lips. Much like in that moment, a few centimeters away from his face, so inviting he thought it would be a crime to contain the urge. 

And so he didn’t– he didn’t control his feelings and the ever-so growing yearning for you, as he silently leaned towards your face and captured his lips with yours in a firm, yet short kiss.

He looked at you with a nervous tint behind his gaze when he leaned away, the sight of your wide eyes staring at him making a slight flush grow on his cheeks. You looked so beautiful in that moment– flustered, surprised, with messy hair and lips still apart– and he was relieved to not find a hint of a displeased emotion in your expression. 

“Okay, so- well-” you stuttered, laughing to yourself, “this didn’t go as I planned, but I guess I’m happy as long as the final result is the same,” you hummed, standing on your tippy-toes and pressing your lips against him once more, this time letting yourself enjoy the moment fully, mouth moving against his in a careful, yet excited rhythm. He tasted like the strawberry candy you offered him on the bottom of the trail and smelled a bit like rain, the mixture always staying in the depths of your mind as his warmth enveloped you in comfort and a feeling of home.

“The final result being…?” he asked when you pulled apart once again, a dazed expression overtaking his sharp features.

“Us,” you shrugged, “like this,” you clarified.

Mark laughed at that, hugging you closer to his chest. You rested your head on his shoulder, listening to the sound of raindrops washing away the top layer of dirt off the rocks on the tip of the hill, hands sneaking around his waist and enjoying the way they wrapped around him so tightly and so comfortably. You in his hoodie, in your favorite place, standing in his arms. It was raining, but it didn’t matter.

“Mark?” 

“Hm?” 

“If we ever get lost, or something happens… bring me back here, okay?” you mumbled close to his ear, lips gently glazing the skin of his ear, making goosebumps appear all over your new lover. “I’m convinced that this place could fix everything.”

“Even us?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not allowed to ever leave me now, what would there be to fix between us?” you smacked his shoulder, snickering to yourself.

“You never know,” he laughed, “what if I accidentally mess up somewhere along the way?” he asked, threading his fingers through your hair, smoothing down the wet mess.

“Okay then,” you hummed, “even us.”

Staring into your eyes, letting the moment play out by itself, Mark swore he’s never felt more at peace. He wondered if it was the effect of the place, the rain, or just your sheer presence.  “I’ll remember that,” he giggled before he let go of your body, petting your head as he took a hold of your hand, tugging you down from where you came from, “now let’s go home before we catch a cold.”

Nodding, following the man as you both carefully, yet fastly made it down the trail, you enjoyed the way his hand fit into yours and the way you knew that after this, you can’t ever come back to being friends with Mark Lee. He was all yours, completely, utterly yours, and you knew in the back of your head, that you were his– and nothing will ever change that.

You would always come back to the hill with him. It felt ridiculous to think about you two ever having to fix anything between the two of you back then, but even in that moment, you knew that for him, you’d keep trying. As long as he does– as long as he remembers.

Where do broken hearts go? You guess they always come right back to the place they come from– and they leave glued back together every single time.

You guess your heart never really left the hill.

[tannieastrology]

Solar Return Observations💋❤️🌹

💋This year I have a Virgo Ascendant in my solar return along with 2 Venus returns and Ive been so much more health/beauty focused. Like I care more about myself and am trying to break bad habits that I made in 2023. Im also alot more driven in sports/goals and back when I had this in 2020 I was also into skincare and makeup alot too and was into running and working out. I feel like the year you get a virgo ascendant for your solar return is the year to cleanse bad habits that youve made in the previous year its like a chance to start new.

💋The year you have Uranus in the 11th house is most likely a year where you will lose friends but will also get the chance to make new ones. I had Uranus and North Node in my 11th house last year and my 3 year long friend who claimed we were “besties” backstabbed me and cut me off with no explanation BUT I also found a friendgroup who are here to stay and am incredibely blessed to have met them. This was a year where my view on society and people changed significantly but i feel it was for the better.

💋Last year I had Sun and Pluto in the 8th house along with Moon and Mars in the 12th. I struggled really bad with my mental health(also a Gemini Rising) and my whole personality shifted from these experiences. From January my grandma almost died of cancer, I faced unrequited love, bullying from “friends”, losing friends, and overall felt pressure from school. I was just sensitive to what people said about me and let little things bother me and now that Im looking back none of it was a big deal but I dont know in the moment it affected me way too much. It made me realize that you cant ever really put your faith in people and that you need to trust and respect yourself the most. That you cant be attached to people and your faith should be put in god (atleast thats what I think). Most of the pain came from lowself esteem and I do believe that these placements made me grow a thicker skin and to become more independant. Im a completely different person now and while I did lose my innocence to the world I feel that I can survive on my own now. I guess I just grew a backbone which im really thankful for.

💋Everything that happened last year (like growth transformation death) is all related to the 8th house which is where gemini is in my natal so also keep that in mind where your solar ascendant falls in your natal.

💋This year I have a Moon in Libra in the 1st house and a Virgo Lilith exactly conjunct my ascendant and Ive been getting so much praise from woman its weird? Weirdly guys have been liking my instagram stories and when I posted on my birthday so many people came and viewed my story who dont even follow me. I also feel more pretty and empowered this year and Ive been trying to figure out how I want to present myself more. Compared to last year I feel like I am more upfront with my feelings. I feel like this year I might not struggle as much since im a Libra Ascendant and my solar return is Virgo and almost aligns with my natal chart.

💋My sadness and pain from my 2023 solar return actually really did last until my birthday aka my 2024 return😭 So keep in note that solar returns will remain effective until your next birthday.

💋I have Pluto, Mars, Sun, Vertex, Mercury, and POF, all in the 5th house this year and Im really hoping I can finally meet someone to date for the first time but so far its manifested as being more interested in hobbies/ having fun. Im not complaining tho I actually have been so much happier and I havent cried that much at all from this new Solar Return. I will say I feel like having Pluto in the 5th house will make your view change a bit on relationships. I lost feelings for my 3 year crush and I also feel like its impossible for me to properly catch feelings now. I dont know its like I broke the cycle of infatuting crushes and am way more realistic when it comes to love. Part of it is probably just me getting older but I think thats a good thing. I dont expect love like the movies anymore but i just want something REAL.

💋The year you have 8th house Venus a old flame might come back into your life.

💋Tell me why I have Jupiter, North Node, and Chiron in the 8th house this year and ive been attracting money/all the things i want so easily? I got almost $450 for my birthday, a vanity, a lulu bag, and a big party and its only been like 2 weeks😭

💋 When I turn 18 in 2026 I have a stellium of Venus, Mercury, Sun, Mars, and Pluto in the 12th SOOO im predicting that I might be struggling with mental health that year, probably lost in where I want to head after high school, or Im either hiding sum secret love affair(8th house ruler of libra in 12) or like something about it is forbidden/ secretive. I also do have Moon and Jupiter in Cancer in the 5th house that year so that should be interesting lol. Let me know what aspects/ placements in your future solar returns yall find interesting and have down in the comments I wanna see.

💋A Saggitarius Ascendant/ 9th placements might mean that you get opportunity to travel

💋Having Lilith in the 2nd house might mean that you struggle with eating consistently or might struggle with self worth and body image.

💋Venus in the 4th house will be a year where you try to improve your home and find comfort in familial relationships

💋Look at transits to your solar return too theyll give you a deeper dive in whats going on you can look on astroseek.

💋12th house placements will make you inclined to find god

💋On November 16 2021 I caught feelings bad for this guy and I would go on to like him for a long time. Near that time I had a Venus Return and also a transit Solar Return with a 7th house stellium(Sun,Mars,Mercury,Moon in Libra/Scorpio). I was around this guy 24/7 and it just unexpectedly happened. Near that time Iwas having so much fun with my friends in cross country I feel so fond about those days that I could never forget.

💋 Last year having a Gemini Rising but placements like Mars and Moon in the 12th made me get talked about unknowingly behind my back so keep that in mind. Girls secretly hated me and also one of my “friends” twisted my words and spread drama about me.

💋Pay special attention to Chiron and where it is in your chart ESPECIALLY if its in retrograde

Anyways I hope yall enjoyed this was very last minute and I know people have been complaining about there not being enough Solar Return observations so here I am lol. See yall next time💋

[glitch-karma]

Can I request another part of your "forgetful reader" headcanons you did but with Jouno, Fyodor, and Ranpo? Nikolai too if that's not too many characters, but dont worry about him if it is. Same prompt but with these characters

I was actually just thinking about my forgetful reader hc's the other day, Idk if other writers do this but I always go back and read my older stuff lmao

So here's part two, I had a bit of trouble figuring out what Nikolai would give his partner as a gift, so that isn't specified, I did add Chuuya and Sigma though

Cw: Degradation/name calling in Jouno's, Slightly spicy in Fyodor's, Kinda OOC Fyodor

Jouno

Low-key high-key an asshole

Don't get me wrong I'm in love with him,

But his love language is degradation (hot)

Jouno constantly is making fun of and being rude about how forgetful you are

If it seriously bothers you, he'll try his best to lay off as much as possible

Only because it's you though

He does get very irritated though

He got you a lovely set of earrings that resembled his a bit

They were honestly very nice and semi-expensive

You had always kept them in a tiny jewelry box on your nightstand

But after a rough day of trying to catch terrorists, you'd clumsily taken them off and fallen asleep

When you were getting ready for work the next morning, you realized they'd gone missing

In a panic, you tore apart your apparent in search of them

After a while, you heard a voice that made you wanna puke

"What's up with you huh? Why's my little troublemaker so frantic?"

Oh my lord no

"What are you talking about.?"

"Oh please, your heartbeat is a dead giveaway. Along with the shakiness in your voice. Can't hide from me y'know."

You shakily sighed as you admitted you'd lost the earrings

"Pft- are you kidding?"

He laughed slightly walking towards you

"How pathetic of you, losing a gift from your precious boyfriend?" He sighs in 'frustration'

"They were expensive too, do you even have a concept of money?" He laughs,

At this point, small drops of tears filled your eyes slowly as he kept poking fun at you

"Honestly how air-headed can you get? Tsk, should I be questioning this relationship?"

After a few seconds of silence, Jouno tensed as he heard your quiet whimpers.

He'd gone too far.

For a second, he didn't really know what to do

He sighed, bending down next to you and wrapping his arm around you.

"'m sorry." He mumbled lightly

You sniffled a bit, you looked up to see the concerned frown on his face, along with the softness that was rare for you to see in him

After a moment you sighed, leaning into his shoulder

"I'll get you a million more pairs if it means I don't have to hear you cry again. Truly."

He really was a good man, he just had some issues showing it.

But in the meantime, he'll let you teach him how to open up

I literally love him so much even if he's a dick head

Fyodor

He kinda just doesn't care-

I don't see him as the type to really mind stuff like that in a partner

But I don't really see him doing anything to help per se

He'll give you light reassurance if you're upset, but I don't see him doing too much more though

Surprisingly, he didn't buy you a country

He got you a necklace that was very clearly expensive, it had a key attached to it that was also made of some metal that did not look cheap, along with the small Diamonds and sapphires lacing the key (Real btw you tested it)

It was extravagantly expensive, and he made sure you knew that was less than you deserved (He couldn't find countries on the market)

Wow what a nice gift

Now where the hell did it go?

You, of course, retraced every step

Your apartment? Cleaned vigorously to search and find it

The cafe by your house? You paid every worker to search for it

The Doa office? A wreck

You were ass up on the floor looking under one of the couches when you heard a whistle behind you

When you tuned you saw the man you were scared to see

"Why might you be in such a comprehensive pose my paradox?"

You shakily sighed as you hit your head on the floor

Fyodor then quickly determined why you were on the floor by the necklace missing from your neck

He chuckled a bit as he walked towards you

He leaned down and picked you up, silencing you as he carried you to a basement you were unaware of

Before you could question, he pulled out the necklace, inserted the key into a large door, opening it to reveal a giant glorious room filled with all your favorite things, comfortable chairs, and a giant kitchen

As he set you down you started freaking out

"It's not quite done yet, I wasn't intending for you to lose it so fast. I'll get some help in here as well."

"You- This was all a plan for me?"

You yelled, running around and looking at everything

He chuckled as he grabbed you, leaning down and kissing your neck

"Жизнь моя,(1) you deserve this and more.."

He then threw you on the couch, hitting a button that shut all the doors and windows

"And tonight, I'll prove it to you."

Let's just say, you had trouble walking for awhile

(1) Жизнь моя, pronounced "Zhizn’ moya", means “my life” in Russian and is usually a term of endearment

Sigma

Oh my lord he is so understanding it's crazy

Although Sigma is the furthest thing from forgetful, his brain and schedule will always have room for stuff you need to remember

Got a doctor's appointment you forgot? He remembers and brings you to it

Forgot where you put something important? He knows where it is

Forgot to eat? He'll make you a meal himself

Forgot to meet up with a client? He'll meet them for you

Honestly, he gives you royalty treatment

He loves just giving you gifts in general, so he custom-made you an obsidian necklace that had a poker chip on it, The obsidian in his words was to represent how strong you are, and the poker chip was to remind you of him

It was one of the most thoughtful gifts ever

And you'd lost it

You debated just asking him at first,

But no. Too embarrassing

You'd worn it every day and now POOF

GONE?!

You didn't wanna worry your already busy partner with this

So you tore apart your half of the room before neatly searching through Sigma's half of the room

3 hours later and nothing.

For a second you debated throwing yourself off the sky casino

But then the click of your bedroom door was heard

"Oh my-"

You slowly looked up to see Sigma's confused face as he looked at your side of the room

For a while, he was silent in thought

"Are you.. redecorating-"

You groaned as you fell the rest of the way down on the floor

"I lost your necklace.. I didn't wanna ask you for help."

Sigma chuckles a bit as you look up at him

"That was actually my mistake"

Before you could ask, he walked over to his dresser and opened a small box, pulling it back out

"You'd accidentally left it in the bathroom"

Wow

The one place you didn't check

Definitely cuddles after though

Nikolai

He would not give zero shit's

He just loves you

He might make fun of you a bit, but he honestly just thinks you're adorable when you lose stuff

He asks Fyodor to buy you new things when you lose them rather than look for them-

He has such admiration and genuine interest in you that he gets you gifts tailored exactly to your interests

If you lose a gift from him, he honestly won't be mad

"Awe my Kindred Spirit,"

He grabs his cloak and reaches in, pulling out something even better

"Here does this make it better!?"

"Nikolai!"

He dances around the room with you to celebrate you being happy again

Ranpo

Oh he teases you, shame on you if you think he wouldn't

He gently teases you though, stopping if he gets even a slight hint it upsets you

Ranpo does have amazing patience though, there has never been a moment your forgetfulness has annoyed or bothered him once

He regularly gives you snacks as gifts, but he gave you a silly little necklace with a duck charm (Yes this is a Wan ref)

It was silly and cheap, but it was sweet

When you lost it you were crushed

You looked for it but could not find it

In the morning you went to the agency to try to search for it, but on your way there you actually met with Ranpo at a sweet store

"Hey there detective darlin'!"

He yelled as he ran out of the store

For internally freaked out a bit as he started excitedly telling you about the sale in the store

You chuckled nervously, making him immediately deduce what happened

"Ohhhhh, I see. You lost the Necklace!"

You kinda expected him to figure it out

He then chuckled as he walked over to a small quarter vending machine and pointed at the prizes

"Ya see! We can just keep playing till we get a new one!"

You two then had a small date of finding quarters and playing the Machine till you had a bag full of prizes, and a new duck necklace of course

Chuuya

Although Chuuya is a very understanding person, I can't deny this wouldn't slightly annoy him

He would never make fun of you for it, or make you feel bad though

He will always express that he's not mad at you and does his best to hide his slight frustration

He does understand though, I mean the man didn't remember the first 8 years of his life for years so

He is a little protective of you though. if anyone gave you shit for forgetting something he would a million percent throw hands

He leaves notes all over the house and your hands about important things, he will also text you to remind you about meals throughout the day

"Have you drank water"

"Ah, fuck-"

"Exactly"

Chuuya loves spending money on you

It's his favorite activity

You already have 20 custom-tailored outfits cause of his love for fashion,

But that doesn't mean he can't get you more tailored accessories

One of them was an anklet that had his and your initials in it, along with diamonds and your favorite stone

It was cute, although it was easily hidden by clothes, you wore it very often

You had on the perfect outfit to show it off that day, but when you opened up the cabinet you kept it in, it was gone.

Oh fuck

Panic ensues

The sheets were torn off your bed, and your closet full of clothes from him was searched from top to bottom

The bathroom was also searched along with Chuuya's half of the room

You sighed as you fixed the house, knowing Chuuya hates messes

You then reluctantly called him

"Hey, still at work but what's up doll?"

The softness in his voice made you tear up a bit in guilt

"Chuuya.. I-"

You took a pause to breathe

"I lost the Anklet you gave me."

You heard him gratefully sigh and shuffle in his chair a bit

"That pause made me think you were in trouble"

He joked a bit

"I can buy 20 more of those if I wanted to Sweetheart."

You sniffled a bit

"But that was important!"

He paused a bit

"Are you crying?"

You then paused

"No.."

"Baby."

You could hear him then walk through the halls of the Port Mafia building

"Give me just one sec, "

You heard him then knock on a door and open it

"Hey boss, I need to head home early. Let me know Tomorrow if there's anything else you need me for"

"Alright, I'm on my way home. We'll search together, okay?"

You sniffled a little as you smiled

"You're the best."

"Anything for you Angel."

[ask-sister-solaris]

I want angst too!! I am a huge fan of well written angst. If you’re still taking requests, how about one where Egon is in need of rescue but also desperate to admit feels to the reader? Bonus if he feels genuine fear bc he may thinks he may never get to

*Slowly drags the idea away* DONT MIND ME…ILL…ILL TREAT THIS ONE REAL WELL-

I’m gonna fuck their shit up

“Don’t you fucking dare leave me ever again”

Egon x reader

Warnings; ANGST

Egons blood pulsed through his veins as he hid in a random room in the abandoned hotel. They’d gotten a call from just outside New York about an abandoned and haunted hotel. Of course Egon was curious and decided to go, and stupidly agreed to bring you with him. He mentally cursed himself at allowing you to come. He knows you can handle yourself but the spirit seemed like a douchebag, and had split you two up,

The radio wasn’t working and his brain was going 1000MPH trying to figure out what to do, course he had his proton pack and the trap but he couldn’t roll out the trap and hold the spirit. He heard the gurgling of the spirits breaths and covered his mouth as he leant against the surprisingly sturdy door. He couldn’t die. He couldn’t let this thing get him. There was no showers and sensory overload was a big no no right now. He cursed himself letting his heart get in the way.

He closed his eyes as the gurgling passed the door he was behind and onto the next room. His heart jumped out of his chest as the sound of a proton pack shooting and capturing the ghost echoed through the building. He wrenched the door open and there you were holding the ghost for all your worth. He rolled out the trap and as you lowered it he opened the trap finally capturing the good for nothing.

Egon was quick to rush over to you checking you for injuries and such. He held your face in one hand squishing your cheeks gently “don’t you fucking dare leave me ever again” you were surprised Egon never swore..did you mean that much to him. You ran your fingers through his hand and smiled gently as you leaned in. His hands instinctively rested in your waist as your lips met his. All that fear, all that tension finally melted away the moment you kissed him. The box rattled and Egon glared

“Shut up”

[kk43mi]

HII I LOVE YOUR POSTS SO MUCH

Can i order a somno with scaramouche x fem reader where he sees her pure and innocent form and then completely looses himself to the look of you?

Thank you for reading this and if i can, could i be the 🐑anon?

yas sheep anon! writing is so hard so this one is kind of rusheddd , but dont get me wrong I did try! hope you enjoy anon

purity┊scaramouche

PAIRING ┊ scaramouche x f!reader GENRE ┊ smut WC ┊1.5k+ WARNINGS ┊ cussing , i will call wanderer, scaramouche! , somnophilia , non-con , stalking , lowercase intended!!! SYNOPSIS ┊ selling baked goods , always trying to serve the best customer service to your buyers , there would always be a regular coming. little do you know that buyer always had impure thoughts of you. A/N ┊ written by kam , hope you guys enjoy ! also modern-au (?) im sorry if this one isnt really goooddd, sorry for the delay too!!

you were a baker girl, always selling fresh pastries and doing the best you can to serve the best customer service for your buyers. you had the best bread in sumeru and people loved it! you were practically well known for them.

you would see regulars here and there, always loving to talk with them whenever they came to stop by to grab something to eat on the go. but this customer you had, came most than others.

scaramouche, he came almost everyday...maybe twice that day. however, you found solace in his tranquil company, occasionally deriving enjoyment from his presence. yet, deciphering the thoughts occupying his mind proved to be a bit challenging, not that it really mattered to you.

"hello! the usual?" you would always flash that smile of yours to him while waving. he gave a small nod. you would prepare his order, before presenting it to him in a neatly arranged plastic bag.

scaramouche grabs the bag, your hand slightly grazes his and he flinched. "bye! hope you enjoy!" scara nods and pays you before leaving the store. walking back to his abode, his face brightens up with a red.

"she touched me...she touched me..." repeatedly saying , that scene would always reminisce in his mind, wanting to feel that touch again. your hands are so soft, he sometimes thinks you were made for him.

how did this even start? it's quite simple. nahida suggested scara to try out this new place, a way to try and socialize and experience more taste buds! naturally, he harbored no intentions of consuming it himself. however, since nahida also expressed an interest, he set out to purchase it.

walking in the building where the bread nahida desired was settled in, he waits at the line, groaning in annoyance, too noisy, and too crowded. he was never a fan of clustered places. as the line shortens its finally his turn.

"one moment sir!" a voice from the other room can be heard. and scara waits, observing his surroundings a bit before a figure pops out of his view from the side, turning his head, his gazes intertwined with yours, and its as if its the most breathtaking thing hes ever saw. you.

"hi! sorry for the wait! im currently the only one working here so things are quite tough to get around!" you let out a chuckle afterwards. his mouth was slightly agape, no words leaving his mouth as he kept his gaze at you. your voice flows as smoothly as a captivating melody, and the grace of your countenance is truly majestic. "soo, what would you like..?"

"the...the special." he said in a quiet tone before shifting his hat to cover his top half face. "got it! ill pack it up for you right now!" before grabbing the tong and picking up the freshly made bakes.

did you always have that smile on your face? it was beautiful yet he felt the need to want to wipe that smile off your face, wanting to ruin it. the thoughts getting to him...were a bit too wild now. realizing it himself he shakes those thoughts away.

"here you go sir! i made sure to pack them nice and neat so they dont get all over the place." there you go again. flashing that smile. he snatched the bag and paid for what was needed. "enjoy your bread!" you yelled out as scara was already out the front door.

its been months now ever since that encounter. its like a spark awoken in him. he would want to see what your face would look like, covered in his cum. he would want to see you cock drunk, always begging for him to pleasure you more and more. he couldnt get enough, his hand wasnt enough. he needed the real thing.

when you were done with your shift, you close down the shop, packing up the left over bakes for you to take home and eat. turning off all lights before locking the entrance. of course how would scara get to see you if he didnt know your schedule?

he studied what you do everyday, what time you work, your breaks, and when you end. even knows the direction to your house. sure he didnt have the courage to just talk to you normally other than just ordering plain old bread is what he would describe.

locking up your shop, you now advance to your house. walking while the streets were quiet, though, sumeru was quite safe, so you didnt worry about anything! but little did you know scara was in the shadows, following you, admiring everything you do. sure you heard a couple footsteps, but shrugged it off as a dog or what.

reaching to your humble abode, you take your keys, unlocking the door before turning the knob to enter. but it didnt matter to scara, he knew which rooms was yours, going to the window associated to your room, he watches as you enter in, flicking on the light as you now took off your pants.

you were a "home is where the pants arent" type of person. it felt more relaxing to dress down indoors, especially since you were alone – the comfort of solitude made you feel relaxed at last, after a long day of serving and selling, you were exhausted. scara would always enjoy the view of your panties shaping out your ass.

the wild thoughts occupying his mind again, wanting to stuff his fat cock inside your cunt, pounding into you mercilessly until you couldnt walk for days. different positions, never stopping until you pass out. these thoughts accompanying his mind, a growing tent forms in his pants.

taking a hand to shift the harden shaft around to ease the pain. it was just aching to get out of his pants. he couldnt wait till you have fallen asleep, then he would do whatever he could to you.

charging your phone then being in the comforts in your bed, tucking yourself in before closing your eyes, falling into a deep slumber. taking this opportunity, he picks the window, before sliding it to the side to jump in. making sure his footsteps were light as a feather to not wake you up.

scara observes the room, inhaling the room that was covered in your sweet scent. looking at your sleeping figure, he comes closer, to admire your beautiful face. hopping onto the bed to have a better view. "fuck.." he couldnt contain his excitement any longer as he rubs a finger on the outline of your cunt.

making you wince a bit, he slides the panties to the side, looking at your bare cunt now. the sight makes him drool, wanting to devour it already. but it has seem his dick was really impatient. twitching in place already with precum on the tip staining his pants with a wet patch.

unzipping the jeans, his dick springs to life, hard and erect before he glides it against your folds. the sensation makes him grunt in pleasure, your heat making his body shudder before lining himself up to your hole. bottoming out when he fully sheathed himself with your walls. he harbored an intense desire to shatter your innocence.

groans falls from his mouth as he tried to contain them in order to not wake you up. his breath quivered, and at last, he began to stir. snapping his hips at yours, skin slapping skin echoing thru the room. his pace was rough, the feeling of you walls clasping around him felt so pleasurable to him.

balls slapping against your ass and his thumb pleasuring your clit. he was too focus on your pussy to even notice his pounding was harsh, it could wake you up. but he took the risk, trying to reach his high. thrusting turning sharper and harder each time his body connected with yours if that was even possible, it left little whines from your mouth, making scara more eager than ever to continue.

he couldnt hold it in anymore, his moans escaped his lips, grabbing your soft mounds to massage the flesh, and another hand, under your knee to push it up for a better angle. he was in so deep, pounding, thrusting, and pearls of sweat falls down from his forehead. taking his phone out from his pockets, pressing the record button. making sure your pussy and his dick disappearing into you was in view.

feeling your walls tighten around him, he figured you were bound to cum soon. his thrust getting sloppier and pace was slower, he continued on, wanting to reach his limit, and inject his cum into you. hes imagining more vulgar things he would do to you. sex up against the wall? yes. you tied up while he eats you out? of course. him fisting your hair and fuck facing you? thats his favorite.

minutes passed and he was close, and with one final push and groan, he cums inside your pussy. gasps and pants emitting from his lips as he tried to regain himself. he stilled himself in you for a bit before pulling out, cum gushing from your pussy and pooling under the sheets.

he smiles at the sight before his dick scoops up the remaining cum, fucking it back into you. a couple more breathless pants before he moved his hips again. this sure was going to be a long night.

the next day you would wonder why there was a strange smell from the sheets, and why your thighs were sticky.

requests open!

[kimetsu-chan]

~can’t sleep headcanons~

A/N: I’ve been sleeping crappy the past three nights and tn I extra doubly can’t sleep, so ofc I’m writing this at 4 am 🤩 (I apologize in advance for any mistakes made—)

Characters: Akutagawa, Fyodor, Dazai, Ranpo

TWs ⚠️ reader cries, bc I cried(Fyodor, Dazai), Nicknames (Myshka)(Fyodor) (Belladonna, Donna)(Dazai), GN!Reader

Man, being tired is rough—

Akutagawa Ryūnosuke

Akutagawa most likely wouldn’t notice right away

whether that be because he is asleep, out of the house, or just busy in general

but he would come home one day to you laying face down on your shared bed, spread out like a star fish

he’d raise an eyebrow at you before checking if you were awake

once he confirmed that you were, he would question why you were up so late

and in your tired state, you would unintentionally retort back with unusual hostility in your tone

“[Name], why is it that you are awake at two in the morning.”

“Why are you just coming home from work at two in the morning.”

His mouth would instantly shut, not used to your annoyance

you would almost immediately apologize with a distraught expression on your face and he would immediately understand

seeing the reason for your stress, he quickly dismissed your earlier words

he would be quick in showering himself before slipping into bed with you and wrapping his arms around you

he didn’t really like physically affection often, he had a tough guy facade to hold up. But he guessed he could make an exception for you

Fyodor Dostoevsky

This man doesn’t sleep much either, so he doesn’t bother scolding you for it

he is likely the only one to actually be helpful about it

he would be working away at his desk in your guys’ room, and he would hear the rustling of sheets behind him

he would turn in his chair to look back at you with a blank expression

Fyodor had heard your struggles to sleep during previous nights, but tonight, you finally seemed to have had enough

he got up when he heard you angrily adjust your pillow, and made his way to the bedside before crouching down beside you

he saw the angry expression you bore on your face and blew on your face to wake you up

your teary eyes opened to glare at him and he realized just how frustrated you were

he reached out to wipe those tears before they could fall as he spoke in a quiet voice

”Now, now, Myshka, what’s with the tears?”

“‘m s’tired… but I can’t sleep no matter how hard I try-!”

Fyodor would hum in understanding, you were just exhausted

he stood back up all the way and figured he had some time to spare

he pulled you up and made his way to the kitchen with you tiredly clinging to his arm

”Let’s have a glass of milk, that should help.”

Dazai Osamu

He’s probably dead asleep beside you, and therefore won’t be of much help

there is also a good chance that he is the reason for your lack of sleep

this man will be sprawled all over you. And I mean all over you

he would have one leg thrown over yours, he would have his arm(s) wrapped around you in some way

he just has to be touching you

he also moves around a lot

which you normally don’t mind, but adding that to already not being able to sleep, geez you were frustrated

dont get me wrong, he is perfectly capable of being still and to himself in his sleep

he just doesn’t want to-

he can’t help wanting to be in constant contact with his precious Belladonna all night

but when you nudge him awake with tears ready to fall from your eyes, he instantly throws his wants out the window

he’d frown and wipe your tears away before asking what was wrong

“Oh ‘Donna— why are you crying?”

“I can’t- sleep, and you’re movin’ around s’much and it’s not helping..”

You didn’t mean to make it sound like it was his fault (even though it kinda was-)

but I’m your exhausted state, you couldn’t control it

instantly filled him as he pressed a kiss to your forehead

“I’m sorry ‘Donna… I’ll be still, I promise”

Ranpo Edogawa

Just like Dazai, he is likely the reason you cannot sleep in the first place

I headcanon that he is also a super restless sleeper in the sense that he moves a whole bunch

and maybe even kicks

so imagine you’re tired, and almost falling off the bed because he is taking all the space

deciding that you had enough, you grabbed your pillow and a spare blanket and trudged over towards the couch before plopping your tired self right down on it

you closed your eyes with a huff when you tucked yourself in, and began to drift off when you felt a weight on you

you opened your eyes to see Ranpo looking down at you

there was concern in his eyes, despite the unserious-ness of his statement

”[Name]? Why’d you leave? The world’s best detective needs his cuddle buddy.”

You quickly explained the reason of his absence and he nodded

you waited for a few seconds for him to leave, but he just stayed on top of you and made himself comfortable

“I guess I’ll just sleep on top of you then!”

His weight was actually kinda nice, and he was making an effort to be as still as possible

you eventually were pulled to sleep with the sound of your lover’s soft breathing in your ears

A/N: these were fun to write 🥰

but they took an hour—

n e ways

it is now almost five in the morning so I might as well just be up for the rest of the day 😃

Reblogs with tags are appreciated!

[tmwcs]

"Turn Around..."

One shot fic. (Not relating to any of the established series.) This is a bit different from what I normally draft up, kind of like the Robin Hood one shot, which is also a non-yandere fic like this one. Pls enjoy.

Thank you for taking the time and reading my stories and drabbles. To show your support, please consider donating into my ko-fi account ♥️

Warnings: Unprotected smut, breakup, lovers reunited, makeup sex, rough sex, a little bit of angst, taken for granted, apologetic make lead, regretful male lead, and drama. "Dont know what you got till it's gone" type vibe. not proofread but figured i'd get this out to keep yall busy until i get the next chapter of TO out 😉

Summary: You and Heeseung had a break up, despite all that has happened, you find out that you weren't the only one hurting.

“Hey.” he stands calmly at the door. You avoid making eye contact, too nervous and shy on what to say. A bit of a ridiculous notion considering you knew the man very well, dated for quite some time in fact, yet the lack of his efforts drove you to the point where you had to kill off the relationship, for our own happiness. The only issue was, that you’re not sure if you’re any happier now than you were when dating him. Nodding, you respond back with a soft “hey…” 

Walking in, his initiative causes you to walk back. He lets himself in and gently shuts the door behind, never breaking his sight away from you. You kept shifting your sight from one area on the floor, to another. He continues to take his steps forward, and you keep taking them back. Soon, he has you pinned against the wall. Palming the wall, one hand off to each side, he traps you in his arms and leans in, wanting to get closer. You dip down and swoop under his arm to get away freely into the open space, walking over to the living room, much to his grimace dismay. 

Sitting on one end of the couch, you cross your legs and prop your hands up to rest your chin. Intent on avoiding eye contact, you look away and kept your face in the opposite direction. He walks over calmly and sits next to you. 

“Y/n….”

“Heeseung stop. Could you please just get your things and go? I’m not in the mood to talk.” you snap, rubbing your temples as you adjust your body to shift up and away, standing before the tall window, waiting for him to move along and to get out. But he doesn't. 

Looking up from where you were just sitting, he remains on the couch wide eyed and slightly appalled. Sure, he went along with the break up, even dabbled and went on some dates even though you both had just broken up merely two weeks ago. However, it didn’t mean that he wasn’t hurting either. He only went and saw other girls just to try and take his mind off of you, but how are you supposed to know? He left you no choice, you didn’t ever see your relationship coming to an end. You worked and tried to get through to him, but he never listened, so then you were left with no choice but to break things off, yet you couldn’t help but feel stabbed when his nonchalant attitude and response to your initiation was given, almost too easily, as if he was thinking about breaking up himself. 

Seeing you standing in that silk camisole dress, lazily covered with the matching satin short robe over it, had him feeling some type of way. How long has it been since he saw you like this? No makeup, hair laying freely and barely dressed. You looked so beautiful, stunning in fact, and yet your body language and attitude made you achievable for him to grab hold on. Did he really lose you for good?

“Y/N…” he tries once more, keeping a respectable distance away, so as to not add any fuel to the fire. “Can’t we just talk?”

That did it for you. NOW, he wants to talk? Now? After seeing a handful of girls, pretending like you no longer mattered after you presented him with the words “I’m not sure if this is working out…I wished you would just be more considerate, yet you just always put me off to the side. Maybe we should consider a brea–” 

Remember the tone he had in his voice, he cut you off and finished your sentence, almost as if he was eager and looking forward to the word…as if he was taking your initiation as an opportunity to end everything without having to do the dirty work himself. “Break? Yeah sure, I think that would be good for us.” he told you. Never once trying to figure out the meaning behind your initiative, nor did he ever try to fight for you. But now, it seems he had a change of heart, but you weren’t wanting to hear any of it. Not after having a string of girls by his side the last few nights. What were you? A rebound? Were you just a safety net since it didn’t work out with those girls? What is this? 

Turning away, you snapped in a harsh tone. “No!”

“What?” His voice was a little more firm, and he seemed a bit irritated by your attitude. 

“I said no. I don't want to talk.” 

“Why are you–” he pauses. “Y/n…you act like you’re the only one that is affected by all this. You’re not. I’m struggling too, you know.” 

“Yeah, I can tell. You’re hurting so much, how many girls did you seek out for comfort? Five? We’ve only broken up two weeks ago and you never once wanted to talk, until now.” 

Standing from his seat, he grew offended by your words and replaced his soft and gentle gaze with a more stern and harsh one. Walking over to you, he nearly traps you in as he breaches your personal space and begins to walk you back to the wall, again. 

“What? You think those girls meant something? Seriously?”

“Are you kidding me? Don’t pretend you’re hurting, you nearly jumped for joy when I brought up the idea of taking a break. You think I don’t know? Get over yourself Heeseung!” Turning sharply, you try to get away from him, but his movements are quick and he restricts your fleeing attempts by hugging you from behind. You struggle and try to break free, yet the moment he pushes forward with you grasped in his arms, shoving you up against the wall chest first and his chin resting on your shoulder, burying his face in your neck, you begin to falter, but mentally maintain your resistance. Taming you, he senses your physical strength decreasing front he struggles, and continues to push you in, resting you on the flat surface as he closes the distance between your backside and his chest. Stroking his thumb, he caresses your waist as he hugs tightly. With small brush strokes of his lip, he softly pecks on the soft area of your neckline. 

“Stop…” You whimper out, trying to ignore the beautiful sensation of how his lips felt gently kissing, and sucking on your skin. “Stop…please….get away…”

“You really want me to get away?” he mumbles, with a mouth full of your delicate skin in his mouth. “Then say it. Tell me in all sincerity that you want me to stop and I’ll leave.” 

With your arms pinned to your body by his embrace, you reach up and lean your palms against the wall, pressing your body against his. You tilt your head back, resting it against his shoulder, you didn’t want him to stop, nor did you want him to leave. But you had to be strong, for the sake of mending your broken heart. So, with a shaky breath, you whined out. 

“Get away…” you nearly whispered, your hair draping over your face and your robe coming undone, bearing the nakedness of your shoulders and cleavage. “Just…get away…”

A slight pause was present, before he leans in and resumes his efforts as he takes in a mouthful of your soft skin, just below your ear, this time he was less gentle and more rough in his manners. 

“I said no….” you whimpered. His arms tightened around your arms and waist, and he slightly lifts you before shoving you further up against the wall, pressing your cheek to rest against the surface before whispering in your ear…

“I don't believe you.” 

Shooting his hand around, he lifts the hem of your camisole up and fingers his way through panties. He called you out on your bluff and you didn’t seem to mind, because now you get to show how much you missed him, that you didn’t want to leave. You get to show him that you were hurting, and that he left you without any options or hope to continue forward, that you were just at the lowest part of your life. He knew it too. He wasn’t being his best self with you, in fact he was selfish and led you with so many false promises, it’s no wonder you proposed a break up. It didn’t hit him until you started to usher out those words, but before you could finish, he beat you to the punch, all because he saved himself from the heartbreak of hearing you say it, so he had to say it first. Figuring he would save himself by hurting you, then to be hurt directly, he found that it was all for nothing. Right after walking away and leaving you to go on your own, a sharp pain hits him inside, and he immediately regrets it. He regretted going with the flow, and letting you go so easily. Fact is, he turned around, wanting to run back after you, but seeing your backside facing him, walking in the opposite direction without so much as a glance back over to him, compelled him to look the other way and to move forward, after all, it seemed you had no trouble doing just that. 

Taking your hand, he intertwined his fingers with your own, his kisses became more passionate and his embrace became tighter as his hands roamed. God he missed you. He missed how your body felt against his, and how your skin tasted. He missed how you sounded when he kissed that one little spot on your neck, and how your body shakes when he touches you. He missed you too much. 

“Tell me you don’t want me to leave this time….tell me we belong…tell me…so I can do what I’ve really been wanting to do for the last two weeks…with the one woman I’ve been wanting. Tell me baby…”

Softly sobbing, you whimpered and gasped out, immediately trying to catch your breath as you cried out your words. 

“I never wanted it to end in the first place…” 

Peeling his head back, he stood slightly shocked at your words. Before he could ask questions, you finally let it all out. It was long overdue, and the most painful sense of release you ever felt. 

“Why couldn’t you just have turned around?....I stood…watching you walk away. I mentally begged for you to turn around and come back…but you just kept moving on…you left me crying….and I just had no choice but to finally do the same….you didn’t come back. What was I supposed to do? Stand and wait in that spot forever? And those girls?....I just knew…you didn’t care….” 

Your words hit deep and cut a wound that may never heal. He had no idea that you waited. He did turn back but he was too late…probably by mere seconds. The image he recalls of you walking away, was imagined with you displaying a calm and tranquil look on your face. Now, he understands that you made your way back home in tears that night, and longed for him to come back to you. 

He gulps. In a single brief moment, your entire relationship flashes before his eyes, and he realizes that not only did he not give you his best during, but he didn’t give it to you after. Yeah, he tried to get his mind off you by going on dates, but how were you supposed to know that? He started to think how his behavior must have looked to you…how hurtful it must have been to hear about his rendezvous while you were sitting here longing for him to come back. But what killed him in all of this was that, had he just been less attentive towards his friends and set his priorities straight, none of this would have happened. How many times did he come home and skip eating the dinner you prepared, all because he decided to eat with the guys after work. Or whenever you asked to spend time with him, and he promised you he would have another day, one where he didn’t have plans, yet that day never came. How many times did he wake up, shower, and quickly breezed through the kitchen and sees that you prepared breakfast for him, yet instead of sitting and eating with you, thanking you for taking the time to feed him, he picks bits and pieces off his plate and heads out while jutting out the words “see ya!” and quickly leaves so he could be the first in line at the coffee shop…that coffee shop…the coffee shop you loved yet he never took you with. He knew your favorite order yet never brought you back anything. He was always so focused in grabbing his drink and heading to work, where he could spend nearly the entire day chilling out with the guys doing what they love, spending a great deal of overtime, before finally calling it a night. How many times did he have the opportunity to come back home, especially after seeing all his friends dipping out to go back to their loved ones that were waiting for them…and yet he stayed back, opting to hit up buddies who were single and could spare the time, instead of coming back home to you. How many times did he come back home so late at night, finding you already asleep. How many times did he crawl into bed with you, and instead of hugging you and kissing you, he turns the opposite direction and falls asleep, leaving you to not only feel lonesome during the day when you’re awake, but at night when you’re asleep too. Just how many times…did he take you for granted? 

He didn’t have any words. He felt hurt…he felt a great deal of pain, and it was nothing that you did, you were great…you were perfect in fact. The one that hurt him was himself.

Remaining silent, he leans back into your neck. Shoving his lips against your ear, feeling the shrug of your shoulders as the oversensitive sensation of feeling his lips pressed against you was immense and triggered potent arousal. Whispering, he merely tells you “I’m sorry…” 

His soft whisper made you cry even more. Feeling you shake as you sobbed harder, he holds on tightly and kisses you on that soft spot again…and again….and again. Until your sobs turned into moans. Sucking on your neck, he reaches up and grabs onto your throat, gently but firmly holding on as he pulls your hips back. His free arm hugs your waist and tugs onto you, while his grab around your neck keeps your face and chest close to the wall. Pressing his groin against your derriere, he takes in a large whiff of your scent, that subtly sweet perfume that he liked so much…he missed it. The one thing he grew complacent in taking in daily, yet the moment he thought he lost it forever, he realized it was the most beloved scent produced in this world. The feel of your touch, your skin, hair, and your soft lips, was something he didn’t realize how much he loved. It had been longer than two weeks since he last felt you, growing too comfortable and spending more time away from you throughout the course of your relationship, it had been a while since you both were last intimate. It wasn’t that he didn’t love you or cared, he just didn't have his priorities straight. He just always thought that no matter what, you were always going to be around for whenever he needed or wanted you. But when was that? When did he express how much he needed or wanted you? When did he last make you feel appreciated and desired? More importantly, when was the last time he made himself available to you? Knowing that you wanted and needed him, yet he never was there for you. 

“God…I’m such a fucking idiot…” he hums out with a mouthful of your skin sucked in to his mouth. Lifting you once more, he flings you over and softly lands you on the couch, laying atop your backside as you rest on your stomach and chest. “He–Heeseung…”

“Why was I so fucking blind…” his words gasped out in a near whisper, it was gentle and calm, yet the manner of his physical touch was the exact opposite. Nearly ripping off your dress, the straps snap loose as he roughly pulls it down, and tears your panties off. Hanging by the bits of thread and pieces of fabric, it loosely hangs on your thigh while he smooths his hands over the softness of your smooth skin, grabbing onto your cheeks firmly as he squeezes your derriere. 

“Why did I not see what was in front of me?” Leaning forward, he places his lips on your back shoulder, and sucks on various regions. Firmly holding onto your waist, he fishes out his stiff member and rides it in between your cheeks, squeezing it to nestle in between as he strokes it up and down. “How could I not see that I had the best thing that’s ever happened to me?” Taking a hold on the back of your neck, he slowly feeds himself inside your cavity, pressing in. You weren’t entirely ready, and the lack of prepping made it hard for you to take him in, not to mention it had been so long. Yet his eager desire to have you made him impatient, he needed you now…he wanted you…he wanted to please himself but also, to please his queen. 

“Why did I not show you just how much you mean to me….why didn’t i do it sooner?” Thrusting in hard, his groin smacks against the soft plumpness of your cheeks, you screamed out as he rams himself in, reaching the depths of your gut as he pushes through all of your stagnant walls. Fully in, he pauses before continuing. He had to take a moment to enjoy the feeling of burying his cock deep inside you….after missing out for so long. 

“Why wasn’t I better for you?” Sliding out, his tip breaches its exit, providing you with some relief as you catch your breath, only for him to shove it back in with fierce momentum. “He–Heeseung!” Gripping onto the sofa cushion, you brace through the pressure of pain and pleasure as he roughs up your womanhood. He was being so demanding with the way he was thrusting, yet his words were so beautifully spoken with genuine sincerity and sympathy. He truly was sorry, and now, he wanted to show it, even if it meant he had to mix his love with fucking you into pieces. 

“Why didn’t I tell you how I’ve felt all this time?” Thrusting, he jolts forward and bucks his hips, causing your body to rumble and shoot forward, only to be retracted back as he pulls you in, all to repeat his performance in jutting his cock back into you deeply, shiting your body forward. 

“Why wasn’t I home often?” Thrusting and pumping his cock fiercely, you felt the sting of his thickness tearing you open. It had been too long, your body nearly forgot what it felt like to have someone, much less him, pelting you with their girth. Even though you were devotedly waiting for him, and yearned for him, he left you empty and unfulfilled so many nights, and you spent each evening alone and drifting off into a dream where you weren’t sleeping lonesomely on an empty bed. Now, he was here, and for the first time in so long, he was not only making love, but he was fucking you like his life depended on it. He didn’t want to take it easy, or slow, he wanted to go in deep and hard. He wanted his performance to match the ferocity of his love and yearning for you. 

“Why did I let you sleep alone all those nights? I should have been there to kiss you to sleep.” Deepening his thrust, the curved edge of his lengthy member hits your sweet spot. Soon, there was no pain, only the pressure of pleasure and ecstasy. 

“I should have touched you more.” increasing speed, he forces the moisture of your secreted fluids to squelch in and out. Your body gushes out, you could feel yourself releasing the warm liquid your body was producing, seeping out, and glazing his cock as he continues to fuck you. 

“I should have loved you harder.” Grabbing onto both sides of your waist, he pumps his cock in and out, faster and faster as he holds you steady. 

“I should have been better. I should have been so much better.” Slapping into you, his groin and thighs stains your skin red as he continues to slam himself in, going deeper and deeper. 

“I should have….fuck….baby you feel so good…I should have…I should have….” 

“Heeseung!! Ugh!” He continues with his pace as you reach behind and smack your hands over his, digging your fingers onto his wrists as you feel the snap in your gut release the high of your orgasm. 

“Fuck baby….you’re making me cum…..” 

Your body shakes uncontrollably and you scream out his name, which transitions into tiresome whimpers as you catch your breath. All the while he slows down, going in deep and slow, passionately slow. Admiring the view of his length smoothing in and out of your womanhood, he savors the feeling of releasing every bit of love, anger, sadness, and regret into you. Still thrusting, his thumbs stroke your skin and he bids you to answer. 

“Tell me you missed me…”

“....I missed you…” 

“Tell me you want me.”

“I want you…”

“Tell me you need me.”

“I need you.”

“Now tell me you love me….”

“....I love you….”

Leaning in, he rests his weight on top of you as he tenderly kisses your cheek. His cock remains buried in, and goes in deeper as he propels forward and lays atop your body. “Then turn around…and don’t let me go. I’ll do the same.” 

Enjoyed this piece? Show love and treat your girl to a cup of coffee. ♥️ 

☕ Ko-fi: ko-fi.com/reinbow

[lisacameron99]

All You Had To Do Was Stay ||JM

It’s in a reader insert name but first POV. Angsty and fluffy.

Warnings: angst, JJ is confusing (that's a warning in itself), physical abuse, mental abuse, Topper is a dick, swearing and harsh language

“Sarah!” I breathed in relief when she answered the FaceTime call.

“Hey! What’s up?”

“He’s texting me again.” I groaned, throwing myself on the bed.

“What did he say?” She asked, plugging her headphones in as I did the same.

“Just that he misses me. It’s nothing new. I just want to text him back but I know I shouldn’t. He’s probably drunk, high, or both.”

“Well I mean I agree with that but I also support you if you want to text him.”

“I just don’t know, the more I think, the more confused I get.” I told her. “I feel like I know less now than I did before.”

“I’m sorry girl, I know it’s confusing.” Sarah told me, “I wish he would just make up his mind.”

“All he had to do was stay.” I said sadly. “He had me every way imaginable but he shut me out, just like everybody else.”

“Hey, he made a mistake. He doesn’t know what he’s lost now that you’re gone.”

“Ugh! It just sucks because he literally had me in the palm of his hand.”

We talked for a little longer about different things for about a half hour before I hung up and thought more about my relationship with JJ, even seven months after we were no longer together.

Flashback

“I just don’t think I’m in a place to be in a relationship right now.” JJ told me, staring into the fire and not at me. He wouldn’t look at me.

“You’re calling this off?” I stood off to the side, trying to gauge his reaction.

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Dont expect me to wait around for you to figure your shit out J. I did everything you ever asked of me just for you to call it quits when you get in to deep? Fuck you.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do and not to.”

“You locked me out just because you got scared. You do this all the time. You made me believe I was different, that we were different, that you were different. Different from Topper but you’re not.” My eyes watered. “You strung me along just because you knew you could.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” JJ snapped, still staring into the fire.

“I know exactly what I’m talking about. You think you can come crawling back, but I’m not gonna be there when you want me.”

“You’re my best friend - I don’t know why we thought this would work.”

“No, Johnny’s your best friend. We were always more. You’re just too scared to admit it.” I snapped at him before walking back into the chateau where Johnny was. I pushed myself into his arms and cried.

“Hey, y/n!” Johnny called to me, clearly distressed. I scrambled out of my bed and into the living room at the urgency in his voice.

“JJ,” I when I saw John B drag him in. His face was covered in blood, he had a swollen eye. “Oh my God. JJ.” I rushed over to where John B put him on the couch. “What happened?” I immediately disregarded my feelings and went straight to JJ.

“Pretty sure the eye is from Luke, but that’s from a day or two ago. I think he and Topper got into a fight at the kegger. Pope pulled him to me but I didn’t see it. Listen, can you clean him up? I have to go make sure Sarah, Pope, and Kiara got out of there.”

“Yeah,” I brushed the hair out of JJ’s face. “I’ll take care of him. You take the rest home. Oh JJ.”

“I’m fine,” he pushed my hand away, but I brought it back to his face.

“You’re not.” JJ let his arm fall limp and sighed. “JJ why do you do this shit?”

“He said horrible stuff about you.” I grabbed the first aid kit from the cupboard and some rubbing alcohol.

“Who did?” But I already knew it was Topper.

“Topper. Talking about how you’d sleep with him since you’re not with me anymore, how you’d go back to him. Saying how you’re sleeping with him now.”

“JJ, I’m not, I never slept with - ” but JJ cut me off.

“I know that, but I couldn’t stand hearing him talk about you like that. Acting as if you’re a slut, and you’re not. I know you're not.”

"You didn't need to get into a fight about it." I muttered while I got the cotton ball wet with rubbing alcohol.

"You know, you're worth fighting for." JJ snapped, getting angry.

I pressed the ball to his face, which made him hiss. "JJ, you left me. I think that means you don't fight over me anymore."

JJ grabbed my wrist, "I don't care what terms we are on, I will always fight for you."

"Why? Why fight for me when you won't act on it?" I demanded, pressing the band-aid to his face before walking to the kitchen to get a bag of frozen food for moments like this when JJ and John B got into fights.

"I love you." JJ said simply, like it was the easiest thing in the whole world.

"JJ, don't say shit you don't mean."

"I do mean it. I know you don't believe me, but I swear, I do mean it." I closed my eyes as I reached the fridge/freezer. I gripped the door handle before opening it.

"It's hard to believe you when all I've done for you is try to help you, try to love you, try to be there for you." I slammed the freezer door shut hard. "And you leave when you feel like you're in too deep? That's low JJ. Really low. And now," I handed him the corn. "You say you love me? What the fuck is that?"

"It means I fucking love you okay?" JJ was growing impatient with me. "I love you, Y/N. I always have. And I know it's really hard to see that right now, but I do love you. I promise. You have to know that I mean it. I don't just say that I love people, let alone when I'm with somebody."

"I know that JJ, but I can't be in a relationship when you continually dip when it gets hard." I ran a frustrated hand through my hair before putting the first aid kit away.

"I'm not going to dip anymore."

"But how do I know that?" I demanded. "How do I know you love me?"

"Because right now, I'm here, fighting with you, instead of trying to sleep off the fight with Topper and my dad. I know that when you're stressed enough to cry, you go to John B, but when you're angry, you talk to Sarah. I know that despite trying to be strong about your dad for John B, you miss him more than you'll admit to yourself. I know that you're jealous of Kiara's life no matter how much she complains about it. I know that you're just as smart as Pope but you never brag about it because you don't want to show off or take the spotlight off him. But if you need more reasons why I love you, I can do this all night."

"We aren't Brooke and Lucas from One Tree Hill, JJ."

"No, we're not, but I also know that's you're favorite scene from that show and one of you're all time favorites."

I sat down on the floor next to the couch. "JJ, if we do this, if we really do this again, you have to be all in."

"I am." JJ slid off the couch and next to me and hooked my pinky with his. "I'm all in."

"Even when it gets hard and messy? And if you find yourself getting in too deep or scared, you have to talk to me." I let my fears come through.

"I will. I'm here for it all. I love you. I want us.”

"Okay," I bit down on my lip. “Can we take it slow?”

"Can I kiss you?" JJ asked, tucking a hair behind my ear and cupping my face in his hand.

"When have you ever asked me that before?" And with that, he lowered his mouth on mine.

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

July 26th

~*~

1. hi! pease help me find this fic because i really want to re read this.

junior quartet got sent back around sunshot campaign (i think?) because in the future, the four were there in the guanyin temple face off with jgy, together with lxc, lwj, wwx, and jwy. they were really losing and the seniors told the juniors that they're going to find a way to get out of there. turns out, the seniors sacrificed their life to send the juniors to the past through an array but the juniors didn't know about this. jin guangyao also went back in time because he got into the array in time.

here are some details that im not sure if they're are a part of the fic or it's from others (my mind sometimes mix things up). i hope these help:

- jingyi found young jingyi when they were sent back.

- the juniors went to burial mounds and the people there wer skeptical about them

- later part of the fic, zizhen was not accepted in his family (i forgot why) @moonyramie

FOUND? ❤️ Tragedy is Not the End by Hobbsy3 (T, 358k, wangxian, Time Travel, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Golden Core Reveal, Canon Divergence from Qiongqi Pass, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Yunmeng sibling bonding, good dad wwx, good dad lwj, JZX Lives, JYL Lives, Junior Quartet Dynamics)

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2. Hello there again! Im looking for this one sci-fi fic where wei wuxian was a scientist and lan wangji was a military soldier. They met during an Alien invation. In the fic they try to figure out how to kill the aliens or how they even got in earth. Thankyou!

FOUND? Number 2 sounds like Son of a SoliderMan, by FireAwayy, who deleted it and quite a few other Untamed fics because of harassment. // Also had Jiang Cheng and Wen Ning as ambulance drivers, Lan Xichen, Nie Mingjue and Song Lan as solders who were sent into the area.

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3. Hi! This is for ficfinder. I read this fic a few years ago. Its MDZSXTGCF crossover. Im not familiar with TGCF so maybe there will be some incorrect use of some term and relationship. WWX dies after he jump from a clif and then he become ghost in the ghost city. He work/become a friend with hua cheng. WWX wore a weimao (its either weimao or a red umbrella). HC and XL then feel some disturbance and with WWX they visit a place where they jail jun wu (?) In some mountain. But when they arrive, the jailer tells them its not jun wu. HC, XL, and WWX then continue their investigation and they meet with LXC and NMJ. I think there WWX identity is revealed to LXC and NMJ. They found out that the disturbance is because of yin iron that are thrown to the magma in nighless city acting up. To stop that WWX sacrifice himself and he died again. When i read that fic its still ongoing but i dont know what this fic status right know. Thats all i can remember. Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

FOUND! Hi! Im #3 i just found the fic. Its 🔒Can we skip to the Good Part? by pink-lotus-pods (kkomaism) (T, 107k, HuaLian, WangXian, Canon-Typical Violence, Crossover, YLLZ WWX, HuaLian are in Love , Married HuaLian, Slow Build, Canon Temporary Character Death, Ghost WWX, Fix-It of Sorts, Canon Divergence, Blood and Violence, Character Study, Panic Attacks, WWX Has a Mental Breakdown, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, unbearable amounts of sexual tension, Suicidal Thoughts, mild but it’s still there!, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note, Genius WWX)

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4. For fic finder, please! I am looking for a modern fic where Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian are raising Jin Ling together and they had a happy little family life, but struggled financially. The two were strippers who eventually catch the eye of Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji who begin to tip them ludicrous amounts of money. I remember the fic laid out their salaries and tips and they were making hundreds of thousands of dollars but they still bemoaned that they were broke and struggling. My confusion over their finances is what I remember most about this fic, lol. Would love to read again, if this rings a bell for anyone! Thank you!

FOUND! Silk & Satin by Brieeze01 (E, 171k, WangXian, LXC/JC, Modern, Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Pole Dancing, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, Child LSZ, Child JL, supportive brothers, hardworking brothers, Uncles and nephews, Love Story, Emotions, brokeass pole dancers meet billionaire bachelor brothers, Kinks, Lipstick, High Heels, Blindfolds, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Gentle Sex, Lube, Strip Tease, Dancing, Dirty Dancing, First Kiss, First Time, Love Bites, Anal Fingering, Rimming, Romance, Silk, satin, Slow Burn, Happy Ending, Wholesome, Pining, kink appreciation, healthy family relationship, Healthy Relationships, Everybody uses lube, Lapdance)

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5. Hi I was wondering if you know about a certain fic that takes place during the cloud releases study arc. Where Wei Wuxian wakes up one day suddenly and inexplicably pregnant with an egg. I'm pretty sure its incomplete but I read it a while ago and it was interesting. One of the main parts I remember is Jiang Cheng asking/trying to convince Wei Wuxian that he's not pregnant and it's just a "food baby". @wolfcubx2

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6. Hi! First of all thank you for the existence of this blog, I'm pretty sure it's saved my sanity more than once at this point! I'm looking for a post-canon fic where wwx is telling lwj something like "of course I died screaming, I was being torn apart, but I died calling your name bc you were the only good thing I had in my life"

Unfortunately I can't remember whether it was a long fic or a short fic, or even the rest of the plot, I read too many to keep track lololol so I don't have anything else to go on, but that part really stuck out to me and I wondered if it might ring any bells for anyone else! (And if nothing else I might get a different fantastic recommendation out of the deal!!)

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7. looking for this fic, I don’t remember much but it was abo, modern au with wei ying as an omega and lz as an alpha. there was a part in it where wei ying was presenting to lan zhan and lan zhan was thinking something along the lines of omegas don’t actually do that anymore, or something like that.

FOUND? Tastes Like You by airinshaw (E, 30k, WangXian, A/B/O Dynamics, Modern AU, Alpha LWJ, Scenting, Claiming Bites, Getting Together, Light Dom/sub)

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8. Hello Hello!!!! So I've scrolled through 20+ pages of my Ao3 history for a fic but can't find it. So I'm hoping yall can help!! Lan Wanji was a vampire who lives alone in the woods away from humans and his family. Wei Wuxian was a traveling merchant who ends up crashing Lan Wanji's place. He breaks the man's privacy by entering a room containing a portrait of Lan Wanji's mom, this inturn leads to Wei Wuxian being kicked out. Lan Wanji feels guilty after a bit and goes out to find him. Wei Wuxian ends up in a bad situation and Lan Wanji attempts to save him. They both end up in like a ravine and Wei Wuxian is near death. The two kiss and Wei Wuxian purposefully cuts his tongue on Lan Wanji's fang. At the taste of Wei Wuxian's blood Lan Wanji goes feral and bites his neck. Wei Wuxian dies right then and there, Lan Wanji is convinced he killed him despite desperately trying to turn him into a vampire. Lan Wanji was successful after a few minutes of mouring and hating himself Wei Wuxian comes to. It ends with a time skip to vampire Wei Wuxian buying something in a market dressed in a sun hat and long sleeves buying something for Lan Wanji @crimson-gay-sought-flower

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9. Hi! Do you know the fic where there's a scene with WWX taking the Wen Remnants away and LWJ is his husband and they kiss goodbye but then WWX tells them no one saw that? I think it might have been a arranged marriage au .. @abijo2024-blog

FOUND? seldom all they seem by Fahye (E, 25k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, or rather Arranged Betrothal, followed by Weapons-Grade Thirst) They're engaged rather than married during the rain scene, but I'd say everything else fits. Hope that helps!

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10. Hi!! I'm looking for a fic where wei ying gets his original body back and absolutely no one recognises him. Wei ying doesn't realise this though and walks around gusu in lan clothing. However people start to think lan wangi's gotten a new consort and get mad at him for doing that to wei ying. @louvoilite

FOUND? Is Your Old Body Considered a Halloween Costume? by The_peregrine_falcon (G, 3k, WangXian, WWX's original body, Junior quartet makes an appearance, LWJ is chief cultivator, Fluff,Canon Compliant, Post-Canon) but I don't recall the villagers thinking he was a new consort

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11. Hello I'm DESPERATELY looking for a Tumblr fic, it's relatively short, in which a demonic cultivation is brought forth to the sects in a conference, and he asks for incense and prays to WWX who, lo and behold, is a sleeping god. Please help??

FOUND?🔒Calling Heaven by mondengel (Not Rated, 2k, WangXian, God au)

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12. Fic finder please! I am looking for a fic that I can’t remember if it was time travel (like WWX went back in time) or if it just was au starting with him as a child. Child/teen WWX joins a theatre troupe and he performs a veiled dance at a Nie gathering and teen Huaisang tries to propose to him thinking that WWX was a beautiful female dancer. It is only several years later that they meet again and realize they had that shared moment. It is a WangXian fic, but this is the scene I remember!

FOUND! The Darkness Before Dawn by PsycheStellata707 (M, 113k, WangXian, WIP, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, BAMF WWX, Attempt at Humor, PTSD, Oblivious WWX, WWX-centric, Blind WWX, Sentient Burial Mounds, Everyone Lives AU, Except Those Who Deserves to Die, Oblivious Pining, Not Canon Compliant)

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13. Soo ik it's a discontinued fanfic of wanxian , and I'm not sure if it's been deleted or the name is changed but, it was on Wattpad i think, and was called 'i will fix everything ' it starts with Wei yung returning in time to when he was at gusu lan for learning, he is sitting in class when he opens his eyes and is shocked by this fact , but then he sees suibian near him and he unsheathed the sword and slit his throat. later it goes as he shows his memories to everyone and they find a way to save

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14. Hello,

I'm looking for a fic, set Modern day, no magic, where Wei Ying runs away/is kicked out? during high-school and years later Lan Zhan finds him at a framers market/ crowded street? .. the scene I remembered specifically that led me to trying to find it is Lan Zhan calling Jiang Yanli and saying "I found him" after seeing him in the streets, and her thinking he means like at a morgue so she starts crying and so he continues with "I found him alive" ...I think Wei Ying also lives with the wens on their farm ...  I realize that that is not alot of information to go on but I read it so long ago, its all i remember, I can't even remember if it is worth searching for to reread but that didn't stop me from spending 3 hours looking before giving up and finding this page to ask

Thank you for taking your free time to to help random people find lost fics! @cassie-joy567

FOUND? clean from the war (your heart fits like a key) by sysrae (E, 28k, WangXian, Modern AU, Reunions, past xy/wwx, xy is fucked up but not evil because it's a modern AU and I said so, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, past wwx/jfm, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Abuse, Rape Recovery, transphobic violence, Victim Blaming, Past wwx/others, allusions to past self-harm)

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15. Here I am again, begging on my knees: can you help me find a fic where wwx finds a book describing a shrine to a good he's never heard about, and goes out to find it. He ends up discovering lwj ascended a long time ago, but he is bound and his temples were burned and devotees killed by the sects, lead by the Lan. Turns out they bound and imprisoned his body and he can only manifest in his temples, and WWX helps him escape the confinement. It is (was?) a WIP, featuring Wangji and Bichen having human forms, lwj is the one who helps wwx master demonic cultivation, creepy rituals that transfer the conscience of a past sect leader into Xichen, and the one who received wwx's golden core is jyl. Please?

FOUND!🔒 We'll Build This House on Stone (Altars) by FluffyHippogriff (E, 270k, WangXian, WIP, Romance, Supernatural Elements, Old God LWJ, Dumb Baby WWX, Friendship, WWX Finds an Ancient Altar, what happens next will shock you, Hijinks & Shenanigans, YLLZ WWX, There's Always a Price, But For Once It's Not WWX's Sweet Bod, Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Chapters Will Be Individually Tagged, Bichen Sword, Wàngjī Guqin, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Bichen)

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16. Hi I have been looking for a fic I read and cannot find where Wei Wuxian doesn't realise he and Lan Zhan are dating. I believe it had a scene where the two of them go grocery shopping and run into Lan Zhan's ex, Mo Xuanyu, who tries to persuade Lan Zhan that they should get back together. Obviously, since he believes he has now started seeing Wei Ying he says no. There was something about Wei Ying secretly picking up ice cream for Lan Zhan. If anyone can remember it that would be fabulous, thanks! @funny-it-worked-last-time

FOUND! without your new eyes by anaphoricae (E, 66k, WangXian, Modern, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Sexuality Discovery, Self-Discovery, Literal Sleeping Together, mentions of WWX/others and LWJ/others, Drunk LWJ, Teacher LWJ, WWX is a… throws dart… computer scientist, No Angst, Jealous WWX, Flirty WWX, Eventual Smut, Bottom LWJ, Fluff, Non-Sexual Intimacy, WWX's Love Language is Physical Touch, Guess what: even more non-sexual sleeping together, the plot of the fic is just… co-sleeping, call it the Nap Fic ™, Podfic Available, WWX isn't so much 'oblivious' as he is wilfully blocking some feelings subconsciously, WWX 'idk how I feel' to 'I'm gonna marry him' pipeline)

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17. Hello, I’m looking for a short M or E rated fic, modern au, where wwx talks on social media, likely TikTok, about the benefits of having an older partner who knows exactly what he wants and communicates that clearly. Lwj is older than wwx and has some sort of corporate/business job. There is a chance this was a single chapter in larger work that is a collection of short fics.

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18. Hi! I'm trying to find a Lán Qǐrén/Wēn Ruòhán fic that was deleted on ao3. The title was "God & Monsters." I don't know the author's exact name but I know it had "jupiter" in the username. It's an time travel fic where LQR goes back in time when he was younger during his studies at cloud recesses with WRH, JFM, YZY, etc. I just know it's not "Cursed couple." @cherry1928rev

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19. Argh! For FF, I'm looking for a time travel fixit where Su Minshan time travels and nopes out of CR study arc. It's written in his pov, and he's kind of Indiana Jonesing it, studying the burial mounds for forgotten magics. ANYWAY hope think it would be easy to find Su Minshan redemption/time travel as being reasonably unique, but no. I even failed to bookmark it so help!! @mreisse

FOUND? Dark Promises Amid Rising Screams by meyari (M, 88k, SheYao, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Unreliable Narrator, Major character death, Not Really Character Death, Discussion of Genocide, PTSD, Chronic anxiety, Panic Attacks, Warning: JGS, Warning: WRH, Mind Control, Canon-Typical Violence, Politics, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Sacrifice, Asexual Relationship, Aromantic Relationship, Aro/Ace SS, Aro/Ace MY)

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20. Hi! I remember having read this fic where Lan Zhan is face blind and didn't really notice Wei Wuxian came back to life in a different body, because he just recognised wwx's behavior. It was a very sweet fic and I'd love to read it again, but I totally forgot what it was called and I don't think I bookmarked it :(

I'm pretty sure I read it on ao3, but perhaps it could have just been a tumblr post.

I hope someone knows which fic I'm talking about, but I'm also open to other fics where Lan Zhan (or other characters) are face blind. @ifyourelostjustlookforme

FOUND! Faces by osiesaur (G, 1k, WangXian, lwj is faceblind, wwx and lwj are both learning to communicate better, WWX in MXY's body, they're married, LWJ POV)

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[the-s1lly-corner]

*explodes into your request box*

HEY HEY HEY, im back.

Came to ask an platonic Child!reader with the rest of the gang.

BUT HEAR ME OUT

Child reader is like an wolf in sheep's clothing, like reader has an cute expression on their face but when someone tries to touch them, they'll go like: "touch me and ill rip your hand off" in a full innocent voice and that cute smile.

And child reader has shark teeth.

Tyy!

*explodes*

- 🦭

The cast x child!reader (platonic)

throwing this together after waking up from a really nice nap! i still have the kinger request to work on but my brains still stumped.. sobs.. requests are still open by the way! you can find the link to my rules in my previous post, or you can look in my pinned! :O apologies if some sections for the characters are a little short, my brains still a lil okfvokffvovf from waking up TToTT

CAINE:

a child? in the circus?

he doesnt quite know how to make of it, i mean... its not like he has to make any accommodations, the circus is a place for all ages afterall!

i give you this new concept: dad caine

lightly scolds you when you threaten someone, bad manners!

i think he would be like a stereotypical eccentric dad

in house adventures seem to tone down just a touch so theyre not too intense or dangerous for you, keeps an eye on you to make sure you dont get stuck anywhere or flung across the room

rip bubble, you probably pop them when theyre within a foot of you

pinches your cheek only to have his hand comically chomped off ("now now (reader)! what did i tell you about biting! time out!)

POMNI:

similar confusion that caine has, but like, more so

how did a kid even get their hands on one of the headsets??

honestly i think pomni might be the type to be uncomfortable around kids; she doesnt hate them she just doesnt know what to do with them

also kids can possess a different kind of cruelness when they really put their minds to it and shes already in a mentally precarious position as it is

she doesnt avoid you though!

was bitten a grand total of one times, she made the mistake of trying to take you somewhere during an IHA and she didnt make you aware that she was going to put her hand on your shoulder

JAX:

okay you cant swear in the circus, but i feel like jax has some very creative ways to work around that, making these new colorful euphemisms that dont skip out on the crudeness. he teaches you some of his favorites just to watch the world burn

lightning fast reflexes, should you try to bite or hit him; not that hes going to try to put his hands on you

actually

i can see him picking you up via scooping his hands under your arms, or literally just holding you up by the scruff of your next

congrats theres now the image of jax holding a flailing sheep child in our heads. his shins will be kicked in the second you get put down

thinks its funny when people have to do double takes when you let out a threat or say something dark

RAGATHA:

i think she would be a cool babysitter, or big sister figure to you

similar to caine she will lightly scold you when you're being 'rude'

doesnt try to figure out why you dont like being touched, also respects it. respects your space as well, she doesnt totally baby you

she is a little sad that a kid so young got stuck in the digital world, though

even if you could remember things, i dont think she would ask out of fear of possibly upsetting you

likes making you little things (small pillows, plushes, ect) since i can see her being into sewing.. might be because shes a doll, though

KINGER:

i said it once and ill say it again, kinger is dad. like i already hc he had kids before getting stuck in the digital world, but i also like to hc that he and gangle have a dad/kid relationship, at least when kinger was less... paranoid

like he still has the capacity to be a father figure to you, but i think with you being a little... ermrmfl.. he might be a little put off

tells you stories about "being a king" (ie embellishing the one time he was put in charge during an IHA ages ago) and tells you about some previous in house adventures

youre so short he genuinely doesnt see you approaching sometimes so he either gets jumpscared by you or literally trips over you on accident

is so so apologetic once he gets over the initial shock of suddenly meeting the floor

really if you follow this guy around and show interest in his interests hes gonna adopt you

he knows your threats arent empty, even if they arent hes not going to try to find out

ZOOBLE:

zooble seems like the type of person to find some vague amusement in kids swearing or saying out of pocket stuff, i cant explain why

cant teach you swear words thanks to the censoring of the digital world but hey... they can still spell it out...

honestly i hc that zooble themselves doesnt like being touched so hey you dont have to worry about that, they personally get it

cool older sibling energy. while ragatha gives off sweet n caring older sister, zooble gives off the energy of a cool older sibling who like. idfk skateboards or something

zooble skateboarding real

not much else to say here

GANGLE:

similar to pomnis but this is more so because gangle is intimidated by other people thanks to her shyness!

i think gangle would be in the same boat as you and zooble, in terms of touching, but in gangles case its because shes made of ribbon and thus can be pushed around very easily

would cry on the off chance you snap at her :(

she lets you into her room sometimes to let you draw with her! kids like drawing right?

thats her reasoning, at least

i mean hey, it gives you something to do and gives you a break from all the chaos

actually pretty okay when her comedy mask isnt broken, actually makes an attempt to properly get to know you and crack a few jokes

[naomijoestar]

⋆.ೃ JJBA SCENARIOS ࿔*:･

Masterlist here <3

genre: cute, funny

warnings: none

characters: josuke, koichi, okuyasu, rohan

notes: GN!reader, also reader and character are in a relationship in this scenario // if you guys have any requests for me to write scenarios for any characters you like pls lmk i would love to write for anyone! (my only condition is no nsfw requests for underage characters, i don’t mind sfw romance for them tho) // also tysm araki for creating okuyasu you guys dont know how much i love that silly

The duwang gang reacts to their S/O asking them “would you still love me if i was a worm”

Josuke Higashikata

He would probably be confused but play along to show off that he got that charm and humor hehe

“Huh? A worm? Why would you even—” He stops mid-sentence, his face breaking into a big grin.

“Well, I mean… if you were a worm, you’d still be you, right?” He scratches the back of his head, thinking.

“I’d probably find a way to use Crazy Diamond to, I dunno, turn you back into yourself or something. But yeah, I guess I’d still love you.” He smirks playfully “I’d just have to make sure you don’t get stepped on.”

I feel like he’s the type who would try to turn a weird question into a chance to make his partner laugh, all while showing his genuine care.

Koichi Hirose

“A w-worm?” His eyes widen in surprise, and his cheeks turn a little red.

“Well… I mean… if you were a worm, I’d have to figure out how that happened first! But even if you were, I’d—” He pauses, getting serious.

“I’d still care about you. You’re more than just what you look like… So, yeah, I would.” He gives a small, reassuring smile.

“And I’d probably study how to keep you safe in your new worm body too, just to be sure.”

Koichi would think it through and take it seriously, as he’s always concerned about his partner’s well-being.

Okuyasu Nijimura

This man is so confused 😭 would 100% overthink it, but not the bad kind of overthinking, just genuinely takes his time to think the question through even tho he rarely ever think but for you he will

“Wait, wait, a worm?” He stares at you, trying to process it, scratching his chin.

“Like, how small of a worm? One of those tiny ones or like a big one?” He furrows his brow in deep concentration, taking the question more seriously than intended.

“But, uh… yeah! Of course, I’d still love you. I mean, worms need love too, right?” He laughs, a bit awkward but genuine.

“I’d carry you around in a little jar or something so you don’t get squished.” He grins, proud of his solution.

“Maybe I could use The Hand to just, y’know, erase whatever turned you into a worm in the first place.”

Okuyasu would be a little slow to catch on but would totally commit to loving you, even as a worm, without a second thought.

Rohan Kishibe

You better stop annoying this man with stupid questions and let him get back to his mangas lol, he would respong with a mix of annoyance, but still caring in his own way; you’re his partner after all

“A worm? How dull.” He gives you an irritated look, folding his arms.

“Why would I ever waste my time loving a worm? They have no capacity for creativity, no ambition, no art—” He stops, seeing the look on your face, and sighs dramatically.

“But, I suppose if it’s you… I could make an exception.” He leans back, tapping his chin thoughtfully.

“Though, if you were a worm, I might have to document it for my manga. It could be quite the story: ‘The Worm I Loved.’” A smug grin spreads across his face.

“But remember, I’d expect you to still be interesting, even as a worm.”

Rohan would initially reject the idea, but ultimately, his affection for you would show, even if he frames it through his work.

Sorry if this was a bit short! I randomly thought of this but i hope you guys liked it <3 Please if you guys have any requests please go ahead I’ll write ang scenario for any JJBA character (obviously no nsfw for minors) Love y’all! Likes and reblogs are appreciated :)

[cacti-are-like-flamingos]

Beginnings...

Gojo Satoru x Reader x Geto Suguru

The Cursed Trio | Shared Moments

...

Your arrival to the academy came as a surprise to many, apparently you were some transfer from overseas. You'd show a shit ton of promise that they transferred you to Jujutsu in order to more efficiently reach your true potential. Rumor was it, you'd one day make it as a Special Grade. Even so, for now you remained a Grade One.

Your Japanese was decent at best and your adaptation to their customs was a work-in-progress but you held this certain charm that just drew people in. And no, I'm not talking about the kind of charm where everyone falls in love. No, it's the type of charm that makes people relax around you, makes them want to put their faith in you no matter how much to try to prevent that.

You could be a fresh of spring just as you could be a fresh of icy air, the kind that freezes up your lungs.

The first time you saw them, you were being shown around by your mentor --- a stoic expression written on your scarred face as you nodded at them. Briefly acknowledging them as you continued on your way.

Geto had figured your eyes as beautiful --- like an eternal flame hidden behind layers of stone wettened under a stream of a freshwater. Whilst Gojo had figured you a possible new victim for his pranks and teases. In fact, Gojo even had the nerve to interrupt your tour. Demanding to know your name. Shoko, who had been hanging about, was glad another girl had joined the academy. Afterall, it was getting rather stuffy with all the testosterone.

They knew you'd get well with the duo when the first thing you did was insult Gojo, although both him and Geto didn't really understand your insult. Actually, they didn't even know you insulted him until Shoko just started laughing out loud.

You called him a phospholipid??? The actual fuck is that

At that, you gave them a deadpanned stare, speaking in broken japanese that at the very least he should get educated because he was obviously missing a few brain cells

Now at this, both Shoko and Geto bent over laughing while Gojo stood there momentarily stunned before a sinister smirk adorned his lips. He went to insult you back but was quite literally by the sight of your hand in his face, "No time for idiot. Bye."

The absolute nerve on you!

Geto absolutely loved you since that day. On the other hand, it was a enemies to whatever with Gojo, which is ironic considering that he sought you out every moment of the day.

You and Shoko became the best of girl-friends. To be honest, the two of you were incredibly similar. The both of you were lazy as hell, smart as hell, and blunt as hell. Although, you seemed to have mastered the trick of honeying your harsh words so much so that people didn't even fight you on it.

To put their friendship into perspective, Shoko brought the cigarettes and you brought the lighter (despite you being a non-smoker. Once you tried to smoke but you didn't like the taste of it so you left it at that)

Although there was a time Gojo was being a nuisance so you grabbed a cigarette from Shoko's carton, lit it, and blew the smoke straight into his face when he wasn't expecting it

Watching him double-over choking was a grand sight indeed

You managed to make quite the number of friends while there, although many noticed how you kept a distance. I say this literally. You never let anyone come physically close to you, as though a simple graze from them would kill you or something. No-one dare question it consider that they also had their traumas that prevented them from certain indulgences. But sometimes, you'd make small exceptions. I think it's mainly of a "dont touch me but I'll touch you" situation.

Like you don't mind swiping dust off of Nanami's shoulder, or neatening Shoko's hair when it's gotten all frizzy due to the wind, or picking off lint off of Yaga's clothes.

But if you didn't initiate it, you'd go silently rigid.

During class, you like hanging around this one guy name Yu. Mainly because he knew a bit of your native language (surprising I know) and so, you felt safe enough to speak with him considering that you both spoke brokenly in either tongue. The only other person you felt safe enough to speak was Geto. He was actually the one that took it upon himself to teach you Japanese.

He'd recommend shows to watch and he'd watch with you so that he could explains certain customs and what-not of his culture. He found great amusement when a scene he knew you wouldn't understand played and you'd instantly pause the show to look at him with a questioning expression. It made you look rather cute in his eyes.

Gojo would often times crash during these hang-outs. Pestering you to learn his language quicker so that he can properly cuss you out (he says this while having an arm over you shoulder and leaning his full weight into your side. Surprisingly, you never said anything despite your reservations to touching.)

You chalked it up to wanting warmth.

Then came that point in your language-education where Geto wanted you to try speaking in a public setting and you just about cried right in front of him and Gojo. You gripped your fist so tight your nails drew blood, an action to prevent you from clinging onto Geto's clothes as he scolded Gojo for worsening your nerves. Gojo didn't stop laughing until he saw actual tears in your eyes.

With silent chuckles, Gojo took you by the shoulders and guided you over to some random corner store. You never once told him what your favorite snack was but somehow he knew to choose it before placing it in your hand. He told you exactly what you needed to say to the cashier with the exact amount of yen needed.

The both of them watched as you walked up to the cashier, briefly glancing over your shoulder to Gojo (still very much teary-eyed and rigid-body), who silently mouth the words again, before doing as he instructed.

After the whole ordeal, you surprised Gojo with an incredibly rare hug. I think at that moment, you truly managed to snake your way into his soul.

Geto stood to the side, a knowing smile on his lips as he watched you quickly let go. Shouting at Gojo that he owes you a sweet because of how brave you were, which should've annoyed him but only made you look endearing.

...

(A/N): Have yet to see Season 2 but those fucking beta fish tiktoks are murdering me right now with their symbolism.

Say, why don't you like being touched? What happened to you?

Where'd you get the scar?

And what's up with Geto's eternal flame comparison? So weird.

Drop a comment

Feel free to buy me a 🦩

Hope you enjoyed!

Edited: 7/25/2023

[corviiids]

oh would love to see ur breakdown of whether or not miles could do it tho. if not him then do u think polly could do it

verdict: miles edgeworth could beat kira but not without help and significant damage to his psyche. as a player character he could do it with support. as an npc he would support phoenix to figure it out but would argue the entire time

could miles edgeworth intuit the mechanics of the death note

not at first instance. probably not at all. i think if miles edgeworth received the right combination of clues and/or (but preferably and) was forced to eliminate literally every other option, he would accept the mechanics of the death note as factual. however i don't think 'magic notebook that kills people' would ever enter miles edgeworth's mental realm of things that are possible without someone/something very firmly pointing him towards that fact. he would not arrive at this conclusion on his own. also, phoenix meekly bringing up the possibility in court would give him a migraine.

could miles edgeworth identify light yagami

yes. i think edgeworth would ultimately be able to kira even without intuiting the death note's mechanics. i think figuring out how the book works is the very last stage in this inquisition. but i think he would be able to ID light as a person of interest even without solid information on means and i also think he would really enjoy his verbal battle with light yagami and by enjoy i mean miles edgeworth enjoys talking to people that make him want to tear his hair out. can we all take a second to imagine mind chess/logic chess light yagami edition? can we please think about that

could miles edgeworth survive

yes - see my post about shi long lang:

yes i think he survives owing to the rules of the ace attorney universe which he brought with him, namely that a culprit in ace attorney will politely sit and cooperate while you argue with them and will admit when you've defeated them in argument, which is the least realistic thing about ace attorney. so i think light wouldn't make a move to try and kill lang until his Culprit Breakdown, at which point lang could simply kick him in the shins and pluck the notebook out of his hands because light is three toothpicks taped together.

(miles wouldnt kick light in the shins but if lang, franziska, kay, or gumshoe is there they would do it for him while miles does that arms crossed eyes closed pose about it.)

also noteworthy is that miles would give a speech about how he would gladly risk his own life to kira if it means uncovering the truth

(i put apollo under the cut because this post is too long)

verdict: apollo justice could beat light yagami but i think he would need trucy for help and motivation

could apollo intuit the mechanics of the death note

not organically but i think in true trained by phoenix wright tradition he'd kind of arrive there in a moment of panic by pure accident. trucy would say something nuts and apollo would be like

APOLLO The only thing the witness has on him is a notebook!

TRUCY

Hey, anything can be a murder weapon if you try your best and believe in yourself!

APOLLO What's he going to do with a notebook, write me to death?

APOLLO .........

TRUCY Uh, Polly? You've got a weird face on.

APOLLO I just had a really bad idea.

could apollo justice identify light yagami

i think apollo would be taken in by light for the most part like, kind of kristoph style... listen the bracelet is a weird mechanic. people literally lie all day long forever and apollo only catches specific, gameplay convenient things, just like phoenix with the magatama. (we're back at 'why dont you just question your client with your truth telling powers from the beginning' and the answer is because it is a video game with a narrative that needs gameplay and stakes.) so i think apollo catches light in a couple of white lies and then dismisses it for the most part as like, light's just one of those weird guys with a fakey persona but who is mostly harmless, and light generally tries not to lie directly in favour of speaking vaguely around the truth, so it doesn't really ping apollo as particularly strange until near the end of the case where apollo is like. ive been getting weird vibes from this guy from the start what if that like. means something

anyway i think he'd figure out that it's light in like a tense moment where he feels like trucy or himself or someone else is in danger

could apollo justice survive

yes for the same reasons as above but i think it's a close thing. like i think light gets "Apollo Justic" written in the book before trucy throws a knife at him and nails the death note to the wall and then apollo is like (Y-y-yikes!!! That was close!)

[eatmeandbirthmeagain]

Hello there^^

I saw that your requests are open so i wanted to give it a try. There are a lot of fics that show the reader and baldwin being in a relationship or it slowly developing into such. But i dont really see any fics containing what it was like before the romantic aspects ensued.

Which gave me idea of wanting a story about how the reader and baldwin met. I think it would be adorable to see how little reader and little baldwin got along with eachother platonically before realizing that they both love eachother in a different and more intimate way than they already do hehe.

Also, i wanted to say that i love your work. And i really appreciate the amazing people who make fanart, fanfics, and a lot of many other different content for this little fandom. Like you!

Thank you for blessing us with our daily bread and i hope you take care of yourself and have a great day!

♡ The Fireflies - King Baldwin x Reader ♡

♡ Fuff ♡

A/N: Hello Hana! This is such a cute request, thank you for your love and support 🫶. I hope this is what you had in mind! As always, this is based on the film Kingdom Of Heaven, not the real historical figures. Enjoy!

TW: Leprosy

Baldwin was nine when he was diagnosed with leprosy.

He was sixteen when he left for battle.

He was twenty when his disease got so severe he was required to wear a mask.

And of all people in his life, it was y/n who was by his side for every single moment. His best friend then wife.

She was outside the royal chambers as the physicians worked on him for the first time, poking and prodding his body with cold metal instruments to test if their fears were true.

She was the one who kissed his forehead before he left for battle.

She was the one who missed his smile the very most when it was replaced with a cold, iron mask.

They were both so young when their worst nightmare came true.

-----------------------

It was early morning when the young boys played in the castle courtyard. Each of them only children.

Y/n sat off to the side in the grass with Sybila, watching the boys play.

The two girls made chains with wildflowers that stuck up out of the grass in abundance while the boys played with pretend swords and shields.

Unbeknownst to y/n, Baldwin watched her from a distance. She looked so pretty sitting there in the grass, her hair spilling around her shoulders, framing her face just right.

“OOOOH BALDWIN HAS A CRUSHHH!” one of the young boys taunted from behind him. “I DO NOT!” he yelled back, striking the boy with the wooden sword, using all his strength.

The boy hit back and in an attempt to block his attack, Baldwin's arm was sliced open with the sharpened wood of the sword. Blood trickled down his arm, hitting the ground in small beads. But he took no notice of this, striking the other boy in the head, knocking him to the ground.

It wasn't until a loud shriek from one of the other boys at the large gash on his arm that he noticed the blood. One of the boys ran off to alert an adult as Baldwin stared at his arm in disbelief.

Sybila ran to her brother and y/n followed to help him inside. Oddly enough, he did not feel any pain.

----------------

When he was taken to the physicians, y/n waited with his sister anxiously, fearing the worst. It had been noted instantly that Baldwin had felt no pain from the wound and this sparked the attention of many.

Soon, the news spread around the castle about the boy's recent diagnosis.

Y/n was permitted from seeing him for the remainder of the day as the physicians worked to ensure that their fears were in fact correct. 

-----------------

By nightfall, y/n was fed up with waiting. She left her chambers and headed silently down the hall to his rooms.

When she eventually reached the large wooden doors, she knocked softly in a pattern that the two had decided would be their “secret code”, so they knew who was at the door.

“Come in” a small, broken voice called out.

Y/n entered to find the boy sitting on his bed, tears stained his cheeks and he looked very tired. “Blondie, are you okay? What's wrong?” she said with worry, her kind yet urgent voice calmed the young boy's heart just a little, as did the nickname she had given him a few years priour.

“I.. I don't know” he muttered as she sat down beside him. The girl wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling him close to her. “They haven't told me anything… y/n, am I dying?” he looked up at her, his blue eyes that usually sparkled, were filled with tears and fear.

“You're not dying, I'm sure you will be okay” she gave him a small smile. The boy shrugged and rested his head on his friend's shoulder.

Just then, the girl had an idea. “Hey, why don't you come to my chambers for the night? We could have a sleepover, it would be really fun!” she grinned cheerfully, standing from the bed and offering a hand for him to take. Baldwin's eyes lit up at the idea.

“Yeah that sounds fun!” his voice sounded less broken now. He wiped his eyes and stood up to follow his friend. Taking her hand, they walked as quietly as they could back to the girls chambers. 

------------------

Once inside, they stripped all the covers off y/n’s bed, pushed two couches closer together and draped sheets over the top to create a small cave, just big enough for them to fit inside.

They decorated it with pillows and blankets to make a bed, and finally they were finished.

The two crawled inside and laid down next to each other, giggling at their work. “You were right, this is fun!” Baldwin said, turning to look at y/n with the crooked grin that she loved so much, plastered to his face.

“Yeah, I hope you feel better now” she replied with a smile. The boy nodded, taking a second to admire how pretty she was before speaking again.

“Hey, do you want to hear a scary story?” he said with a smirk. Y/n giggled and nodded, sitting up in preperation.

They stayed up late that night, sharing stories of witches and the undead, scaring each other and giggling at each other's terrified faces until they fell asleep during the early hours of the morning.

-----------------

Y/n was the first to wake.

Her eyes blinked open slowly and she stretched as her body came awake. She smiled as the memories from the night priour came back to her.

Turning onto her side, she saw her friend still sprawled out beside her, sleeping soundly.

Quietly as possible so as to not wake him, she crept out of their makeshift home to get dressed.

Once she was dressed for the day with her hair brushed, she crawled back into the fort to wake Baldwin. She shook his shoulder gently, “blondie, wake up! Its morning now!” she whispered, grinning when he shifted.

Baldwin groaned and opened his eyes, just enough too see her. “Y/n its too earlyyy” he whined, pulling the covers over his face.

“Come on sleepy head its time to get up!” the girl giggled, prodding his shoulder. Begrudgingly, the boy sat up as y/n pulled his arm to drag him out of the fort.

Once he was dressed as well, the two went to the dining room for breakfast.

The day proceeded as usal.

Baldwin carried on with his royal duties as prince, putting the diagnosis in the back of his mind. That was until night fell again and his fathers physicians came to his chambers to check on him.

As the cold, metal instruments poked at his arms and legs, he caught himself wishing that y/n was there to comfort him with a silly joke or a story.

When the men left his room, he finally allowed himself to cry.

He cried for a long time in the cold, dimly lit room.

Was he really going to die? A thousand questions flooded his mind. “Am I really going to die so young? Will I never get married or have children? Will I never get old enough to be king? What will-” a knock came from the wooden door, snapping him out of his thoughts.

But this was not just any knock, it was the secret code that y/n had come up with.

He wiped his tears quickly and called for her to come in. The girl hurried into the room, closing the door behind her.

“Blondie, come quick, you need to see this!” she sounded exited and was fully dressed in a warm looking cloke and day clothes, she also carried a candle stick with her .

The boy did not heasetate to get out of bed and put on his shoes to follow.

As quietly as they could, they crept down the hallway and outside to the castle courtyard.

“Y/n, slow down, where are we going?!” the boy called out too her.

“Just hurry, you dont want to miss this!” she replied, taking his hand to lead him.

Eventually, the two reached the small pond in the castle courtyard that the children were forbidden from going near.

“Y/n, we are not supposed to play by the water! My mother said its dangerous!” Baldwin whispered urgently.

“Stop being such a baby, look at this!” with that, the girl put licked her fingers and put out the candle, plunging the two into darkness.

Or what would have been darkness if it wasnt for the thousands of fireflies that swarmed the pond. The boy was lost for words.

“Theyre beautiful arent they?” y/n said softly, sitting down on the grass. “Yes.. they are wonderful” he replied, joining her on the grass.

The girl chuckled, “are you glad you trusted me now?” she said, moving closer too him.

A grin spread across Baldwin’s face, “yes, this is amazing” he replied, his eyes not leaving the pond and the hundreds of tiny glowing lights.

--------------------

The moment was beautiful and something the two of them would remember for years into the future.

In times of pain, one would often whisper to the other, “remeber the fireflies my love” and the memories would come back to defeat whatever agony plagued the two, as a symbol of their ever lasting love for eachother.

[midnightloversmusic]

oh my gosh hi!!!! my brain has been fermenting like two zillion & a half poly marauders ideas SO I HOPE YOU DONT MIND me dumping them here (incase theyre of any interest)

the whole band thing w the marauders except reader too oh my gosh.

or anything with kids, id die.

introductions to the muggle world???? especially sirius & james.

ANYWAYS lavalavayouu

STOP I LITERALLY JUST SAW A TIKTOK W/ THIS DAD PLAYING A SONG ON GUITAR TO HIS DAUGHTER AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF JAMES THIS IS SO PERFECT!! I am also about to go to sleep so please don’t yell at me if this is all over the place. love youuuu thank you for requesting!

masterlist

band!poly marauders x gn reader

After your daughter was born you and your boys decided it would be best to take a break from touring and creating albums for a year to spend as much time as possible with your little girl. During that time none of you completely stopped writing and playing music, but you were prioritizing family time.

Now that your daughter turned one just over a month ago you decided it’s time to start working on a new album. You planned to bring up the idea to them after your daughter went to bed. You all took turns putting her to sleep and tonight it happened to be remus’ turn.

You were sitting on the couch in the family room braiding sirius’ hair as he sat on the floor in front of you, telling you about a new concept for a song he came up with that he just can’t seem to find the words for. He’s been begging you to do a french braid in his hair because he can figure out how to do one plus, you think to yourself, he really likes having his hair played with. Knowing this you take extra time to run your hands through his hair and scratch a little at his scalp.

James is in the kitchen attempting to make hot chocolate while also dancing to Christmas songs playing in the background. From your spot on the couch you are able to see the exact moment he tried to spin while holding cocoa mix and ended up spilling it all over himself and on the floor. You snort.

Remus finally emerges from your daughter bedroom and takes a spot next to you on the couch.

“Hi, love”

He says softly planting a soft kiss on your forehead and leaning down to give Sirius’ shoulder an affectionate squeeze.

When you look up from your loving stare at your boyfriends you are met with the sight of James clumsily trying to carry four mugs of hot chocolate over to you, Remus, and Sirius.

When everyone finally settles down and you all fall into a comfortable silence you decide to ask about the album.

“Hey, we said we’d wait a year to do anything music related and it’s been just over one. I was wondering if you all are ready to make a new album? I know the fans are supportive of us taking a year off for our daughter but i can tell they are anxious for a new album and I think it’s time, you know?”

You end with a questioning tone, while waiting for their answers you fiddle with the end of the braid you finished in Sirius’ hair.

“You know i’m more than ready babe, you just listened to me rant about a song idea for ten minutes straight!”

Sirius says enthusiastically from his spot on the floor, smiling up at you.

James nods in agreement.

“I’ve missed making music, i’ve been coming up with some really promising things on the drums lately. I think it’s a great idea to start back up!”

You smile at him, happy that both James and Sirius were thinking the same thing as you. Remus looks hesitant though,

“I think it’s a great idea, and i’ve been anxious to get back to the studio but I just want to make sure we aren’t jumping into this too quick. We have to pace ourselves and really go slower this time around. I want to make time for our daughter and I want her to be a part of the process.”

Remus says.

“Well obviously Moony! We wouldn’t dream of making an album without her, she’s our muse for crying out loud!”

Sirius exclaims, turning his body to completely face remus and give him a humorously exasperated look.

“So it’s settled then?” James questioned from the floor.

“time to make a new album” you say as a smile takes over your face.