#also dont call me out about my lettering idk how to do it i tried my best i swear fhdskjhgldsfgksdhfg

[leolingo]

(rant about linguistics, aphasia and q!quackity’s impairments post-memory loss!!! to anyone who knows more about any of this, PLEASE add on or dm me id love to learn if anyones into neurolinguistics or anything of the sort)

ive been digging deeper into q!quackity’s condition (because I quite literally CAN’T stop thinking abou it) + taking note of his symptoms/behavior and it seems like what he’s dealing with could be called alexia (acquired inability to read) with agraphia (acquired inability to write), which are types of general aphasia, except i still need to know MORE about his production and comprehension i need to get in there!!!!!

it seems like he could be experiencing literal/verbal alexia with agraphia, which would mean he can’t recognize written letters or symbols at all and that is why he’s unable to read (this is all very tentative… all i have to go off of is my psycholinguistics class and as many academic articles as i can read). from what ive seen, q!q hasn’t actually tried to read any signs out loud, there’s no verbal attempt or production of speech which would make sense if he really can’t recognize the alphabet. BUT. what bothers me is that he can speak spanish with no issues. since spanish has a high proximity between phonology and orthography, theory says people who are able to speak it should be able to read and write the phonemes. and he can’t — or hasn’t tried. THAT makes me think he Can recognize the letters themselves

to confirm this i would really like to see him try to spell…. Or just name a letter! if its confirmed he CAN recognize individual letters, then id say what we’re looking at is more like pure alexia (without agraphia) — only a reading impairment, which would cause him to be unable to Arrange the letters in a sensical order. Its tough to check any of this w minecraft as a medium…. with a keyboard (or, in rp, on a communicator/in chat) it’s kind of impossible to know if he’s clicking at random or actually Trying to seek specific letters. but ill say that the way he sometimes dictates what he’s intending to write makes me think he DOES have the visual of each letter in his mind, and just struggles to order them or accurately transpose them

its also interesting to me how theres no sign of a speech impediment. q!q could speak fine from the very first moment we saw him. all hesitation was modal/owed to circumstance and not actually tied to his production of speech. i think that has more to do with the memory part of things! it could be that the extend of his memory alteration only goes as far as his writing and reading do. speech and comprehension come first in regular human development, and those are the faculties he has kept mostly unaltered. there could also be an argument to make about this pointing spanish as his first language (like cc!quackity) and english as his second, which would explain the dissonance between his production in one language and the other — but given that last stream he did express knowledge of english, idk if its relevant

i dont know much about the actual anatomy of things but i think it’s interesting that most aphasia cases are caused by lesions on the left temporal-parietal lobe. AND that its also possible for aphasia to be caused by head trauma like a hard hit to the head or deprival of oxygen (due to drowning? food for thought).

psa i know the situation in canon could be a lot less deep than im trying to make it. i get that. i dont expect the writers team to have researched the symptoms to this extent, but i enjoy discussing it. this is part of my major and a big area of interest for me so i find it really fun :) ill keep reading on this topic as much as i can and reblog w more of my musings if i find more relevant info. baseline qsmp team please let me in i need to study q!q under a microscope (lovingly)

[yappinggggg]

Wanted to share my thoughts on who everything did stuff wrong and why :>

(I havent finished the novel just yet so there might be some errors)

Also: Spoiler warning

The count and countness:

Their intentions were right but what they did wasn't really right. I mean- i understand completely that they didnt want harm Deon and all... but come on- Deon didnt even know about any of that. They could have sat him down- or written him a letter- and explain why they treated him differently than Cruel. Or maybe shown that they cared in a bit more obvious way? Of course no parent is perfect but i think they really messed it up while they could have still saved Deon somewhat

Duke Illuster:

This man is unfixable. What he did was so- idk how to put it into words. His greed alone was the reason Deon even got involved with the demon king, emperor and the war. Dude could have done something else but he seems to desperately want some powers fast. He should be tortured the same way Deon was - he should feel what its like to be in Deons position. (He wouldnt feel it exactly like Deon but somehow grasp it)

Next on to Nemeseus:

I really dislike him and ill explain why.

First of all: he simply blamed poor Deon for giving himself a split personality- like dude? He was a CHILD- what did u expect? He wanted to live and that was the only way he managed to survive!

Second: he only tried stepping in to check up on Deon when it was too late- u saw him the whole time. U witnessed what he saw and did on the battlefield- and u feel that u have the right to judge Deon?

Third: he called a broken child a monster(i mean Deon here)- what did this man expect Deon to do? He wanted to live- can u blame him for choosing this?

Emperor:

I think what showed the most how f***ed up this man is is that he killed all his siblings because of something he didnt even verify if that was true. He had the ability to do that- even if he was mad and blinded by emotions at the time- there was a better way.

Theres also the part where he actively manipulates Deon and gaslights him but i dont think i need to say much to this- we all saw what he did :>

The princess and prince:(yes,they get included)

The fact that they decided to just accept what their uncle did and forgive him is pretty messed up, if u ask me. Sure- family is family, but come on guys. He killed ur parents even when he didnt know if he was right fully killing them.

And they decided to just- help him with his plans? Support the things he did to Deon?

Not only support: they actively tried hard themselves to manipulate Deon

Of course: they are still young and so on but i think they could certainly have made a better decsion.

But i cant really blame them for choosing to stay and support their uncle- afterall they only had him and themselves. They also probably wouldnt have lasted long either if they hadnt accepted their uncles offer. Their chances of living a good life would literally drop down so much

Demon king (cant leave our toxic king out of this):

This man is a demon so he obviously is known to be cruel and so on.

Also since he had lived for for a thousand years so he is obviously bored to death- and he doesnt care about life anyway so why would he start caring for Deon? And why would he care about the fact that he ruined Deons life?(at least took part in it)

Edit: adding to the dk

So i found out that he actually cared for Deon....

Like what :D THATS NOT HOW U TREAT THE PERSON U LIKE but he was nice to Deon most of the time so he may get forgiven (lmao)

[Sorry,i dont know much about the demon king right now so i cant say much about him ):>]

[fictional-other-tarot]

S/I Name : Gloria / Cosvin

F/O Name (+pronouns): Eddie Munson (He/him)

Relationship status: romantic

Preferred terms for S/I: Sweetheart, cutie, sweet pea, if being poetic: witch of the night (I call him my sunshine r sunlight sometimes?), goth princess? (or just princess idk i do get flustered on that tho)

Nsft : yes (if theres any from him lol)

F/O writing style: maybe his writing is slightly sloppy but i noticed his handwriting looks nice though...

but again not sure- anything goes alright tho.... he can be sometimes poetic w/ medival stuff... he likes dnd and any fantasy related things...

Other quirks / habits : ends sentence with his name, maybe with horns idk,

Topic : it could be him reminding me that i shouldnt be hard on myself? or idk,, could be anything that he has to say with the tarot... ive been lately trying to talk to him in my mediation and also anubis, but yeah... ive been wondering what message he may have for me, wanted to see if it responated of course- from what i tried by divination.

Letter theme : loving (with tarot) encouraging, advice, reminder

Ending note : could be his name with or without horns idk

Extra info : any adition info you think I should know:

he likes dnd, lord of the rings (idk much abt lord of the rings tho but haha)

he somehow likes wild animals... just remembered a headcanon where he picks up a random possum.. 😂😂 and hes like 'look at this fucker! :D '

he loves the gremlins movie sometimes, but also likes horror

kinda likes the idea of how i do my magic,,, (due to dnd themes) though of course- i do crystal healing in gen, set out insences for luck

he sure does say 'jesus christ' or 'holy shit' p much he someitmes cusses but in surprising statements though...

hes an ENTP

he likes metal bands like Mercyful fate, Judas priest, (DIO dio dio of course dio-) metallica, slayer (dont know much of the songs tho)

since mentioning uhm mercyful fate we sure do sing the songs (mercyfuk fate has lately been my favorite band tho...)

after mercyful fates album his guitar his named 'Melissa' after the album (and yea theres times we sing the lyrics from the album saying witch related like.. 'come come into my coven!' idk we always have fun singing the songs.. : >

if theres anything vampire related in the cards... for sure maybe its him though...? as much as i wouldnt want to spoil stranger things of his almost death. i feel hes already a vampire of sort though...

let me know if you have questions in mind omh... i wont hesintate to help specify more

Four of Wands

The Star

Nine of Wands

Knight of Cups

Page of Pentacles

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

My beloved Gloria,

You're not allowing yourself to feel the joy you could feel, sweet pea, why are you so hard on yourself. Even small moments are there to be celebrated. Small goals reached are still goals reached, my sweetheart.

You're healing yourself though, sweetheart, slowly but surely you're letting your light shine, holding onto hope in times of darkness too. Like fuck, sweet pea, I thought I had a lot of acceptance for how life went, with all the shit that has happened to me, but you have already made such progress in healing yourself, more than I'd ever could on my own.

But I'm here to remind you, princess, it's okay to take a stand and guard yourself from those that harm your joy. I know it's hard for you to be assertive but I believe in you. You don't have to keep the peace or lead with love all the time, it's admirable you want to, but it's not needed. Let yourself enjoy things at your pace, you don't have to let others dictate what you can and can't do.

You have always been the studious and curious kind. Seeking the divine and inner truth. Seeking clarity at every way. You want to understand the people around you and I love that about you. You are just perfect to me, goth princess.

I love you, my witch of the night.

- ^Eddie Munson^

[nicegaai]

having nor/ice thoughtssssssssssssss sad sad whiny kitty cat noises. wahhhh. im thinking about them wahhhhhhhh. WAHHH

what if i took all my small canonverse ideas and compiled them into ONESHOTSSSSS........................................ and what if they were CHRONOLOGICALLY ARRANGED ..... and showed RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSION over the course of 1000 years ...... and it wasnt that deep but i pretended it was and called it something like "i was meant to keep you warm" because i love to steal fox/i/ng lyrics. maybe even id find a way to make this a 5 times + 1 time format.

if i can wrestle my way into figuring out what goes on in nors head i could do it. ive figured that i want ice to never ever see him as a brother. my vision is that nor is iceladns hot babysitter fantasy and first crush that never goes away. he wants to marry him when he grows up but then his feelings stay that way and it never ever ever ever ever goes away and only gets worse. u understand? do u see it

and UNFORTUNATELY nor knows ic/eland likes him from the beginning. he can tell from like ice's adolescence onwards and is like yeah idk about all that...... but the attention is flattering and he loves this little guy so much and thinks its sweet. he doesnt get to visit often but ice writes him a lot because hes in love with him ykwim and nor loves him so much too (platonic) and always writes back.

and yeah they go through periods of living together for various reasons. sickness unions famines etc etc. not ever for long and nothing ever happens. if adolescent iceland pushed boundaries, nor would humor him a little with like...a kiss, bc he spoils him, but ultimately he hard-shuts it down. and ice would be traumatized forever and block the memory out / be eternally tormented at night by the time he did such and such so is the worst person alive etc

and ice begins teen life with the whole he will never love me and i am a tormented soul shtick. now he writes to him less, tries to put more distance between them... so it hurts less and all that. hes not GOOD at pretending he hates nor or whatever but its easy to lose connection when messages are rare and visits are rarer

he spends much more time at denmarks than with no.rway. he sees den.mark as a proper older brother / uncle / fatherly figure. hes closer emotionally to him and lives with him more and all that. his tutors are danish and he goes to boarding school in cop.enhagen in the 1800s. idk how this ties into the romance necessarily but its timeline relevant. whether or not denmark picks up on the crush , i dont know. i could go either way lol. also, den + nors relationship is strictly brotherly btw. ironically. because theres not enough fics where theyre platonic and i really do enjoy them that way too

nor and ice remain distant for several hundred years. its once ice gets into his pushing for independence mixed with modern technology for better communication ..... somewhere between say, the invention of the airplane and landline phones, nor and ice repair their relationship. iceland is coming into adulthood (independence) for real, and is SO mature about his international relationships. he can be so mature and normal about norway. he can sit down with him and have lunch and discuss business and norway wont talk down at him for being young at all (lie) and he'll be so chill about that and not yell at him (he only does it once) (he only has to do it once)

all this isnt to say n.orway himself didnt attempt to stay close over the years, but ic.eland wasnt reciprocating, and even if they saw each other every year at christmas (doubt) that doesnt make them really CLOSE. but i think iceland was always particularly special to him bc of how close they were as kids. and they WERE both kids back then. little icela.nd sent him letters while nor was like 14 at best. i believe in teen mom norway and his eldest sondaughter icey. at least from nors perspective. even tho hes so absent so much of the time. when he comes around he showers him in gifts as a love language even way back when

anyway, ice.land still has an obvious crush on nor and nor finds it SO cute. like he could just pinch his cheeks and coo at him for it. ice tries to keep a lid on his emotions but can only do so much. nor doesnt SAY anything to point sus behavior out. but as soon as he notices,,,, its like there was no time apart, to nor. ice is so closed off and stiff and weird around him and nor wishes he would relax so they can connect properly and he honestly CANT

the solution is to drink otgether i think. at some point. maybe not immediately but they'll get to it.

icela.nd isnt like oohg im too young to drink, i think hes just lived long enough that hes a bit Over It / doesnt want to act like an idiot / really doesnt want to act like an idiot in front of nor. but nor could peer pressure him into anything if he really tried so they finally get tipsy together and i think that goes a long way to repair their relationship.

they do this many times and as long as ice is careful to not drink a lot he'll be fine. hes gotta keep his wits about him and still be able to feel shame. one time he indulges a little hard and i think ice trauma dumps on him and they kiss to make up for the time nor pushed him away and nor didnt realize he was still hurting so much about that. nor is tipsy enough to do it (not even drunk) and afterwards he goes ohh wait i kind of enjoyed that. and do it a few more times then make out for a while and it doesnt go anywhere, they fall asleep

the next day they completely remember kissing and know the other remembers it and just mutually dont talk about it.

icelan.d is VISIBLY struggling even harder around him for at least a few days until he gets a handle on his emotions. and nor has a lot to think about. in general.

i dont know where the dna stuff comes in. im falling asleep while typeing this

but icelan.d obvioiusly is like wtf? we arent related. thats impossible. i cant even fathom this. and nor.way is like you are the closest i will ever have to family and i am your biological father and icel.and is like what the fuck ew you can say brother as much as you want but never say father again im begging you and nor is like Bet.

and then they test and they're first degree related. father or brother would be appropriate. and nor is like yeah obviously (already believed this when he kissed him) and ic.eland is like (max harlow voice) SUICIDE !! SUICIDE !!

icelan.d sits with that information for a while but his crush still doesnt go away. nor gives him space and also sits with the information. he never thought he'd end up here but he decides that hes into it. its kinda hot. I Do believe in slutty n.orway supremacy i thnk hes slept with most of europe and doesnt have a strong internal sense of familial boundaries considering he is a landmass and is like yeah id do that again we're both adults hes cute whatever

next time they see each other nor comes onto him. and ice is squeemish about it but this is also everything hes ever wanted. whats he gonna do, say no?

at this point i fell asleep but im awake again uhhhh

ic.eland gets to cope with being a creep a weirdo and getting what he wanted in the worst way possible and nor gets to torment him with the brother thing not as a kink but bcz it makes him uncomfortable and he thinks its funny.

i forgot to talk about the actual oneshot ideas that inspired this in the first place didnt i. oh well

aaaaaaaaaaaaand post

[imkazz]

akaza’s backstory

heyo so i decided to do live notes on me reading this guys backstory. my mom says she literally cried when she read a year before me, and that its really sad so i wanted to keep my live reactions bcs this isnt my first time screaming at the plot twists in demon slayer. i start the live notes in the beginnings of chapter 154 and im also reading the manga in japanese so i might have mistranslated/misunderstood some things lol

SPOILERS BELOW THIS IS YOUR WARNING

initial thoughts on akaza: idk hes pretty fruity like the mugen train arc “oni ni nare, kyoujurou” in japanese was omg just. so fucking fruity. and he said the same freaking thing to giyuu omgs- also he hates douma and wants to kill kokushibo but idk what to really feel about him. anyways ive seen the little hints at the girl holding his hand and he tried to punch it, and his head grew back bc he said he had to get stronger???

live notes start here (just jot notes):

- damn she pulling out the existential crisis on akaza

- oh his dads sick boo hoo

- woah wait is he a pickpocket?

- oh my fucking wait is that why he looks like a basketball???

- holy shit is this where he becomes a basketball?

- like every time he gets caught stealing he gets a mark as punishment

- damn how many times did u get caught bruh

- welp idk how hed steal without his hands

- oof he just got called a demon child well hes a demon moon now

- oh wait my mom specified for me it means a kid who was born with teeth

- HOLY SHIT NAME DROP DUDE THATS A NICE NAME

- OMG HIS DAD KILLED HIMSELF JUST LIKE ZENITSUS TEACHER

- dude this suicide letter like ‘i cant take medicine bought by stolen money sorry for making myself a bother for you live a good life’

- oh hes mourning by hurting himself fighting people

- “even if it took 100 years for my dad to heal” and he kept half of that promise

- damn akazas backstory is just him getting beat up by everyone he meets

- and hes just like taking the beatings bc he wanted his dad to get medicine

- well fuck medicine for special diseases does cost a lot poor akaza

- and his dad just killed himself anyway

- still dont know who the girl is

- damn i wouldnt be able to stand getting whipped and bones broken for my parents

- huh he beat the living shit out of seven adults

- and he didnt get a scratch and hes also a kid

- who tf is that guy it seems akaza also has the same question

- oh is this guy who applauded akaza some sort of sensei i mean he has a dojo

- why does akazas personality sort of remind me of inosukes ‘fight me bitch’ type thing

- oh shit theyre gonna fight

- that wasnt so much of a fight than a man slapping a kid silly

- nother name drop keizou

- OOF AKAZAS FACE LOL

- oh akaza is gonna take care of a girl?

- HOLY SHIT ITS THAT GIRL I THINK WAIT HER NAME IS KOYUKI

- I SMELL BUDDING TEEN ROMANCE HERE JUST SAYING

- OMG ITS SO AWKWARD AND CUTE

- and akaza has someone to take care of again!

- aww cute moment between them

- also fireworks! yay! hes saying he can piggyback ride her there that so sweet

- oh shit shes crying

- oh thats so cute that their only purposes are to protect those they love

- omgs and akaza on his little training arc with keizou like how tanjirou did with urokodaki and both are taking care of a younger girl who is bedridden- the parallels

- holy shit three year time skip

- oh ok koyuki is better now

- OMG THEY DO LIKE EACH OTHER AAAAAAAAA THEYRE SO SWEET AND SHES SO NERVOUS AND HES SO NERVOUS

- OH HES GONNA SAY YES TO THE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL

- HES GONNA FOLLOW HIS DADS SUICIDE NOTE AND LIVE A GOOD LIFE

- HE EVEN VISITED THE GRAVE HELP

- WAIT SHIT NO HES A DEMON SOMETHING GOES WRONG

- NONONONONO WAIT SHIT I WAS ACTUALLY SORT OF STARTING TO LIKE THESE TWO 

- OMG HES ADMITTING THAT THEYRE HIS TWO FAVOURITE PEOPLE

- wait whats this abt poison

- WAIT WHAT POISON

- THIS IS TURNING VERY FAST WHAT THE FUCK

- WHAT THEY WERE BOTH POISONED AND FUCKING DIED WHAT

- BECAUSE OF THE FREAKING DOJO WTFFFFFF

- I- I NEED TO THINK ABOUT THIS

- ok were back and ready to react

- wait what promise

- CALLBACK TO THE FIREWORKS

- ohh shes saying she wants to watch the fireworks with akaza next year and the year after too... oh shit she died.

- damn so both their parents killed themselves bc of their kids

- ohhh this is so sweet but sad knowing she just died

- AND HE PROMISED TO PROTECT HER BUT OH NOOOOOO

- OH SHIT HES KILLING THEM ALL WITH HIS BARE HANDS

- DAMN THATS BRUTAL AND TWISTED OF AKAZA

- BUT DAMN THIS IS HIS WAY OF MOURNING HOLY FUCK

- EVERY SINGLE STUDENT OF THE RIVAL DOJO?!?!?!?!!??!

- HOLY SHIT ITS MUZAN JACKSON

- DO THE MOONWALK PLS

- OH SHIT THIS IS WHEN MUZAN WAS THINKING ABOUT MAKING THE TWELVE KIZUKI

- OH SHIT AKAZA RLY SAID MOVE BITCH TO MUZAN

- HE PUNCHED AKAZA I REPEAT HE PUNCHED THROUGH AKAZAS SKULL

- i feel like this is sad because it wasnt even muzans fault that the two of them died it was just poison

- he even admits it out loud himself that his own story is sad help

- hes even completely ok with the fact he wont go to the same place as the three most important people in the world to him

- and giyuu is just standing there

- lmao tanjiro is just always yelling for demons to stop

- wait what tanjiro ur sword-???

- oh shit it slipped from his grip

- sorry i snorted at the fact that tanjiro decked akaza in the face instead

- i think im gonna stop there the backstory is over

- i feel horribly empty inside after finishing that chapter

- think i might just go cry

current thoughts on akaza: damn i understand why ppl are so sad about this, holy shit this is so sad like i have no words im probably gonna have to come back to this post tomorrow to give my thoughts after thinking about this all night

[toruro]

hi yes ofc u can call me ts eliot anon LMFAO i love u too <3

ok so i’m gonna b so real the letter made me feel way too many things like i love how u wrote everyone in a way that made them feel like people ?? like they’re not necessarily characters in someone else’s story but they feel realistic? like the talks w yiren or jianing and it reminds me a lot of how i’ll debrief literally everything w some of my friends and that’s a very fond thing to think of for me idk ??

also jun as an older brother was so sweet and i loved their relationship sm i kinda wish i had an older brother this is so sad. but anyways all the characters felt like people and less like background which i thought was amazing and then FHSJHDJF the whole feeling left behind thing made me cry like i actually . cried . and u don’t understand I DONT CRY VERY OFTEN ?? but it’s a sentiment i can definitely understand/relate to? so idk the way things were sort of resolved in the end felt very sweet and i’m rly lacking in words to properly articulate this but i think it was so lovely to read and :(( WILL b rereading and hopefully i won’t cry this time.

ahhhh i'm so sorry it took me so long to get to this ;c this made me so happy actually, i'm so glad u enjoyed the letter! love that u enjoyed the characters, i really tried to make the story about reader's life in general not just her relationship w minghao if that makes sense c: it's why i tried to flesh out her relationship w jun too, bc he's a key part in a lot of the decisions she makes!

also u cried?? i might cry ... literally i am sososo sorry u shed tears over this but also ... i'm glad i was able to evoke such emotions! i hope u enjoy ur reread if end up doing so, and thank u for letting me know u liked it! it means a lot to me c:

[lucindarobinsonvevo]

to fill the time at work i have this daaron fic that i think about writing based on the idea that david's exit would be going to jail. and i dont usually think about daaron that much but bare with me.

it would be an epistolary fic that's just all the letters Aaron sends to David that David never replies too as he goes through the stages of grief kind of deal while also reporting on the b plot, which is how paul and leo are handling it.

like in the a plot, aaron is desperate for David to write back. he begs and pleads if not him than at least for isla. then he reports that paul has had a nervous breakdown after david fires the fancy lawyer and dropped the appeal, so leo has sent him to new york and taken over lassiters in the mean time.

Over the course of many letters, the a plot is aaron begining to mourn his relationship and learn independence. he goes to work, he spends time with his daughter and tries to teach her that david is dada through pictures. he finally manages to bond with nicolette. he goes to a support group for spouses of incarcerated people and feels like a fraud. eventually, he moves out of the house on ramsay st for a while, to live on his own and see isla every day of course but just not be surrounded by memories of david constantly. his letters become spaced further apart, then he relapses into grief and writes every day for a bit, begging david to answer him, then they start spacing out again. eventually, after a couple of years he writes his final letter to david promising that in whatever it is, fifteen years, when he gets out he will be waiting at the prison gate, he's not going to get divorced or even cheat on him but he can't keep writing these letters into the void anymore. he promises to never let isla forget him, and that he can write at any time.

in the b plot, paul has had a nervous breakdown, and aaron details the agonizingly slow process of him recovering from that. Going to see his other children in New York, finally beginning to process what happened to Cameron, making time to go see Robert, that sort of thing. At the end of the story, he's splitting his time between EB and New York, semi-retired to spend more time with his grandchildren. On the flipside of the B Plot, Leo is having a total paulification arc brought on by David seemingly abandoning him. he's getting meaner, and more absent and angrier and there's nothing anyone seems to be able to do about it. He's taken over both Lassiters and the winery and working himself into an early grave and it seems like no one can intervene for most of the story. Like, it's the build up of undealt with grief over Britney, now losing his brother and his father in one blow he's not coping. period. Aaron is kind of a worried observer and too busy with his own shit to take much notice, but he does often note that he sees a lot of Abi and tries to get David to write if not to him then at least just let Leo know he's okay. Eventually, someone (nicolette is heavily implied) decides enough is enough and is able to ascertain that Leo is hiding how bad he is getting from everyone but Elle in particular and manages to get her on the line for a video call. She ends up agreeing to fly out and manage lassiters. It's implied they had SOME kind of heart to heart but Aaron doesn't say what it was about because he wasn't there. He does not think much of Elle, tbh. OBV most of that is peripherary to the main story which is about Aaron but actually now i just wrote all that out it might actually be more interesting that aaron. lol.

ive been thinking lately. i need to write some of these ideas down. idk. maybe you guys will enjoy some of my unfinished fic musings.

[lemonsknees]

so i grew up in a household with a lot of questionable stuff. And sometime i wondered why none of the adults in my life ever did anything about it. I'm a teacher now and i made a decision to make a report today, and i kinda wanted to talk about it, for myself but also for anybody else who ever wondered for themselves. So uh, yeah.

Firstly i didn't know what i was doing, i still really dont, I'm an after school teacher for community education and camps and stuff, not a mandatory reporter, no hipa forms or experience with em, but all the same Ill keep this anonymous. This account isn't really connected with people who know me irl anyways

This was the first day I'd ever met this kid. And i could tell right away something was wrong. At first i thought it was just some regular misbehavior, testing limits and exploring cultural taboos. Its a drawing class and the kids drawing chainsaws, i see no issue, plenty of kids wanna draw weapons they see in video games and tv. He's loud and unkind to the other kids, i try to move passed it. Maybe he's having a hard time or having some social development delays. One of the assistants to the camp directors came to check in and my trouble maker started growling and circling him. Not great. But kids are kids. I'm just trying to facilitate everyone having a good time. He hits some of the other kids and i get after him. My best "teacher" voice. Some royal We statements, the sorts of things you learn to do when kids are misbehaving. He's just unresponsive to it. And honestly it's all still pretty normal. But then he starts talking about things that happen at home. Things that are abuse. Things that make your stomach drop.

In my own life and childhood my family drilled in my head the script for child protective services. The horror stories about abusive foster families. My area was low income and so they were always poking around, every now and again someone would get scooped up and out of town. People would make fake reports on their neighbors kids for revenge on other feuds and petty arguments. I was terrified of CPS. They were the boogieman. They were kidnappers.

But now I'm an adult.

The woman on the phone was nice. I didn't know what to do, the camp director helped me fill out the report and communicate with the service woman. Getting the information they needed.

I told her everything the child had said. Including physical abuse and neglect. As well as the additional signs of abuse surrounding it.

And what i learned: They need every piece of information that you can give.

And they need proof. Or at least reason to believe they'll be able to get it

They need a cooperative child. Willing to repeat themselves in a more serious context then simple classroom bravado.

I spent my adult life wondering why none of the adults in my life ever "did anything" chances are they might of tried,,

But the signs of abuse, the suspicion that "somethings not right here" and the words of a child aren't enough for that family to get a knock on their door and a look around. Apparently.

At least that's how it seemed from what i was told. I still have the rest of this week, theres a chance they'll call me back, but more likely they'll send a letter to my job.

My boss called me to check in and asked if i was ok. Told me i did right what i was supposed to. And i told him i was okay. But I'm shaken up. Idk if i just stuck my nose in the wrong spot and someone might be worse off for it. Or if i just did the best i could with less then i needed and i won't get anything done for it.

The kid might never know anyone tried for him. He probably wouldn't want me to try. I wouldn't of at that age. But now i wish someone had. So I'm spinning and it's not about me. I just have to do my best to do whats right and hope it does right

[yuyu-bi]

......where do i start.....

okay well first....this is the longest season finale ever? we kept thinking each episode was the last one but it wasn’t and we still have one more episode to go...ughhhh

gemma is the true antagonist called it bc she literally lets so much shit slide past her for the sake of keeping her family together and it kinda makes her seem like an magnet for destruction but when it’s actually bc she’s incredibly selfish and manipulative and honestly...good for her lmao even when everything is falling apart around her she somehow manages to keep everything together for the most part but not for the reasons people believe

wendy coming back and wanting to see abel is not and should not be the crime of the century i’m so sorry i do think she does have a right to at least see her son??? idk if she even wants to be involved in his life but she should at least see him? but they literally treat her like a pariah and tara literally had a mental breakdown when she talked to her for what reason??? bc she said she had a right to see her son even though tara calls him hers? no one made you take care of abel this isn’t like a ‘shameless’ situation where tara was left w abel to fend for the both of them?? you wanted to take care of him and even had a kid of your own w jax like??? and yeah tara jax AND GEMMA all deny her that which ik wont end well for her but what is the harm in letting her see the child she birthed? they act like she abandoned him purposefully but she literally went to rehab and cleaned up her like a hell of a lot better than the three of them combined she even said she probably is the most stable adult in abel’s life currently WHICH IS SO TRUE RN LMAOO this plot line is dumb and i hate it so much bc it’s actually ridiculous 

gemma giving the letters to jax bc she wants clay to die is so funny to me lmao bc why are you validating your son murdering his stepdad and then being shocked when he still wants to leave charming after doing so? it’s hard keeping track of what ppl know and what they dont know about what happened this season most of the mc dont know the gemma was beat up by clay they dont even know that piney’s dead and they sure as hell dont know that clay tried to kill tara bc of the letters she had they’re completely in the wind w some of this minus tig and opie like??? they dont even know about the letters and i doubt they will for a while

lmao also there was a scene w clay and unser where like i guess he knows that unser is in love w gemma or whatever and comments that this is probs the perfect opportunity to take gemma from him and whatever and unser has literally been calculating his downfall since lmao he even told opie that clay killed piney not even a minute after discovering his dad died like wtf??? even when clay got shot i was literally hoping for him to just like say smth about that to him but sadly unser is nicer of a character than i thought :( would have been good though pettiness on this show is abundant 

i love how he still does not know about tig and gemma lmaooo even left tig w gemma at some point before all this even happened idk idk idk 

clay and gemma man.....is so sad that i think they’re still the best couple on this show?? i doubt they’ll even be together after all this but i do think they did actually love each other as opposed to jax and tara (who is now weirdly asking people to validate their love of her??? yikes) but lmao that scene where gemma saw clay coming out of tara’s hospital room (!!!) and tells him that opie is looking for him bc of piney and then afterwards hold his face tells him she still loves him and kisses him??? pure gold my guys gemma is truly unhinged clay’s face said it all during that scene like wtf actually lmaoo especially since she wants him to die like??? and he doesnt even know that im dead she’s great 

the fbi stuff i dont care much for but i wonder why danny trejo said that otto didn’t rat out the club but he did do smth?? maybe it was just bobby idk but also juice :( hope he gets out of that situation 

tig also most likely set forward the plot line for the next season w killing that girl lmaooo this is bc no one tells him what’s going on and also he felt guilty for letting clay get shot by opie bc he loves and respects him :( that whole scene w them reminded me of christopher talking to tony while he was still in the coma from also getting shot lmao there’s more to it but yeah 

[rivaiin]

Yeah, where they live. The cows.

i just found out today jessember was a thing and i could no resist to draw this dork so like. i guess im participating if i can keep up cause i barely draw anything these days

anyways heres day 1: s1/s2 jesse

[thinfatfit]

tw suicide

ok i’m really upset....... i was fired from my family dr today. 

first of all i haven’t been feeling well recently because i haven’t been able to take my normal dose of wellbutrin since there’s a supplier shortage. 

also my dr appointment started with my family dr telling me that a program she referred me to called her and told her that they tried to contact me but didn’t hear back from me so they cancelled the referral. i said yes that’s true because they called from an unknown number and the referral was from a year ago so i didn’t expect any calls and didn’t check my voicemails, then when i did and saw it was them and called them back they said it was too late and they already cancelled it but if she re-does the referral then it’s fine. and she said no the referral was a lot of work and she’s not going to resubmit it since this was already her second time doing it (the first time it was rejected was not my fault though - they didn’t even contact me, they just rejected it outright because i had been recently hospitalized). 

and then the main thing: 2.5 years ago when my mom died i asked for accommodations at work so that i could work from home one day per week since i barely had any vacation days and i was really depressed and had no energy & also had a million things to do to handle the estate. i needed a dr’s note and my family dr was really hesitant to give me one. she gave me one for 6 weeks and then REALLY REALLY REALLY did not want to renew it and i had to BEG her and say that i was in therapy and going to a grief support group and doing all these things to try to get better and she agreed to renew it for 3 weeks only and i had to BEG for that. ideally i would’ve taken months off because i was literally suicidal but all i could do was this one day a week work from home since it was right after law school and it was a licensing thing bla bla bla. anyways since then i’ve been really angry about that because i REALLY needed the accommodations and i was really clear about how much i needed them and it wasn’t ok how she treated me. i’ve brought this up to her before and she has apologized but in a roundabout way, like “that wasn’t my intention” and “i was doing what i thought was best”. fast forward to today and she told me she was taking a leave for a few months because she was feeling burnt out from the pandemic. i was VERY triggered. i told her she’s lucky that she doesn’t need to get an accommodations letter since those can be hard to get. and she defended herself and i said that i hate her and she said that she can’t be my dr if i hate her and i said i do and basically that was that. 

i feel really worried about not having a dr anymore (i take a lot of meds) and also kind of bad? i dont know. and also upset idk.

[mithliya]

hey i just wanted to say thank you for talking about your SA. i actually had a very similar experience w/ a guy i was really good friends with in high school.

he was my best friend, but i got pressured into dating him by my friends, family, his parents. (his mom guilted me into being w/ him 🙄 practically stalked me til i said yes)

he ended up abusing me for nearly 3 years.

and in that time i wrote stupid notes or letters to him making sex jokes cuz i was a KID. the lawyer we hired blamed me for his actions bc of the letters bc of he did 🤦🏻‍♀️

but even still, some weird part of me misses our friendship that we had before other people started meddling in our business. it makes me feel guilty sometimes, and other times it's relief. iunno trauma is weird.

uh but yeah. thank you for sharing, i know it's hard to talk about and be open with this sort of thing. i just wanted to say that you aren't alone as a lesbian who wrote dumb things as a kid or who missed/misses what friendship you had before your friend SA'd.

i think it's also extremely fucked up for people to judge your sexuality based on the way you tried to cope in the past, let alone now.

just know that a lot of women, myself included, really appreciate you being here c:

hey thank u for sharing ur story with me ❣️ honestly the thing that rly hurt about it looking back is it was in a v vulnerable time in my life. i rly had practically nobody. i lost almost all my friends bc i was suddenly a "whore" for getting raped. i would get these messages on all my social media accounts like "you deserved it" "you were seducing him" "haha hes living a good life and youre cutting yourself looooooooool pathetic!!". my friend group went from a lot of my school (small school but its normal for bahrain) to like ... 4 people in bahrain. one of them was that guy that had a crush on me since we were like 11. he would stand between me n my rapist and went to the principal about it so that i would have lesser proximity and was one of the only people who seemed to empathise w my situation. i felt quite indebted to him n everyone would repeatedly call me an idiot and tell me i should be with him and my mom would say she wishes he could be her son in law or w/e and at one point he started insisting that we are together despite me telling him no we are not & that i dont want to be w him. i gave up on saying no eventually n just went along with all of it. i felt like i was stupid for saying no ??? ppl kept telling me i was n i was like huh i guess i am. never said no again rly, up until the very end where i could no longer ignore it n keep putting myself thru any of that. after leaving that situation i saw how fucked up it was that there were all these obvious signs and me obviously signalling TO HIS FACE that i dont want to be w him, that im not interested in him, that it was further traumatising me n harming my mental health, and also the times where what he was doing would fall under SA....idk i felt stupid for facing one male friend taking advantage of me and then another one doing it soon after right in front of my face n i thought it was somehow different and normal and ok simply bc i wasnt getting downright threatened. but i know if someone else didnt hear my rape story n tell me "uh thats rape and thats fucked up" to begin with i wouldve also probably let that happen again n again too n not thought much about that while getting traumatised until afterwards too.

anyways... im glad that ur out of that situation. im sorry that we have some shared trauma there. shit like this is why i dont even trust "nice guys" anymore fr. i dont think that many ppl can rly understand that sort of situation and i can get how its confusing, bc it was a confusing time for me too. but idk why they think theyd know better than me about my own life either lol

[twoticky]

hm okay. so i said i was gonna write about this and idk if anyone else actually cares but im Thinking About It.

from what ive seen abt the general tumblr analysis of malvolio (which i certainly dont claim to be an expert on. im just here!), there's a lot of talk abt neurodivergence, particularly autism, as it relates to his character. which is rad obviously! but as someone currently playing malvolio myself, i feel the one of the most important, maybe THE most important factor for me in interpreting malvolio is class, and how he relates to it.

nobility and status is, more broadly, A Thing that comes up in twelfth night. although the primary part of viola's disguise is that she's dressing as a man, she's also a noblewoman dressing as a servant. in shakespeare's time, class lines were pretty strictly defined and relationships between nobility and servants were strongly disapproved of, so viola's position in the class ladder certainly isn't irrelevant to her romantic prospects. (hence why olivia asks about cesario's parentage in 1.5 -- she's not just making small talk, she wants to ensure that he's not impossibly below her). while actual servants having relationships with nobility was considered scandalous, the idea of love as service was common and appears throughout shakespeare's plays; viola calls orsino olivia's servant because of his love for her, for one example, and antonio's extremely homoerotic devotion to sebastian manifests itself through his dedication to service. and of course there's viola herself, who literally serves her love orsino, until her true identity is revealed and she becomes "orsino's mistress, and his fancy's queen," the roles of servant and commander switching through their love. and then we get to malvolio!

(from here on out i'm gonna talk a lot about my personal analysis of his character, which you can feel free to disagree with. every actor who plays him does it differently and i think that's one of the great things about his character!) malvolio is frequently considered a parallel to the various lovers in the play, most often compared to orsino as their semi-obsession and courtship of olivia is similar, but i think, because of a lot of the stuff about master/servant relationships i talked about above, he's also comparable to viola in some ways. what makes him different, though, is that his love for olivia is almost secondary to his love for what she can give him -- power and respect. malvolio, presumably, was born to a lower class family, and has attained the rank of steward because of his obedience and commitment to rules. and he believes that through this obedience he will get the status he rightly deserves, that jove and his stars will bestow luck upon him. although many things about the play's class system don't particularly translate to modern times, one thing became clear to me pretty quickly about malvolio: he's kind of a bootlicker. now, don't get me wrong, i love his character! but fundamentally, he is someone who believes he can escape the oppressive class structures of his time and place if he just works hard enough. and he works hard! he dedicates himself to olivia's service, and part of why he hates the fool, or sir toby's entourage, is that they aren't working. they have the luxury to sit around and joke while he's had to work every second of his life to get this far! so while he's, in some ways, sympathetic, it's pretty understandable why so many people hate him.

and then we get to the prank. now, i think it's really important to remember, while sir toby is pretty much a ne'er-do-well, he is nobility. he's olivia's uncle, and although he may not have money, he has status. and in sir toby's mind, the crime malvolio has committed is rising above his station -- he's disrespected toby with his chastisement and threats to kick him out, and he's "disrespected" olivia by desiring her, which of course because of his status is considered inherently predatory. (this is, additionally, why i find lesbian malvolio so interesting as a re-interpretation, adds a lil something to the sense of malvolio being predatory just because of who he is). so, of course, malvolio must have everything he's wanted for so long dangled in front of him, and then have it ripped away. only fair, right?

although twelfth night is a play that challenges convention in a lot of ways, we're still living in the 1600s (1500s? fuck, when was this play written?), and we have to have some approximation of returning to proper social order at the end of the play. orsino marries a noblewoman, olivia marries a nobleman, and malvolio stays where he is. what changes, towards the end of the play, is that malvolio has realized, depressing as it is, that he can't win. he tried to do everything olivia wanted, and this resulted in punishment. in his letter to her in 5.1, he says he has forgotten his station, that he speaks only out of injury, which he certainly would have never done before. and ironically, once malvolio has abandoned his striving his grandeur, the play finally gives him the dignity he's been denied. his lines in the final scene of the play are the only time he ever speaks in verse instead of prose -- speaks in the language of nobility, lovers, sympathetic characters, instead of that of servants and "lighter people."

in some ways the ending of twelfth night is a bit of a bummer -- malvolio storms off, pledging revenge on everyone who has stood there and laughed while he was stripped of his dignity, and as far as we no there is no conclusion, no justice is served. how can we just, like, walk away and be fine with that? i guess to answer that i'd paraphrase an article mentioned in the back of the folgers: the greatest revenge malvolio gets, the greatest victory over all the nobility with which he shares the stage, is being, in the end, the most memorable character in the play.

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Hey yo, I hope work is going well, Im glad you got some rest. Sleep is so important. Ive only come to realize how important it is to ones health and mental wellbeing in recent years. T.T

The post of gyu vs tyun quote and the weekend song call out my name is too painfullll. Why whyyyy

I think that tyun would only write one letter and that it would be angry but that you could still tell his pain behind it all. I'm kind of imagining a wolf alone in the cold all sharp teeth threats and snarling but you can see the fear and pain and disorientation in it's eyes and it's shivering body. Like it will kill you if you come closer but it's also scared to death/in pain. That's just the image I have right now of Tyun after OC leaves. I also think he would write the letter in the earlier stages and if he did write a second one it would be not angry or emotional at all it would be very controlled and emotionless but a clear threat. ie come back/bring my wife back/you will be punished for your crimes of sluttery.

Will this be the rise of stannis like Tyun? I'm scared. But I also dont think he'll get over the pain so quickly/shut down completely at least not yet immediately even if outwardly he's act all cold, ruthless and dead inside. I feel like he'll be unhinged (but "reasonably" justify it). Like how he was with kai when he made him behead his best friend.

YOH imagine somehow Tyun forces OC to murder Gyu? But also wasn't there a spoiler about Tyun getting captured by Gyu or am I imagining it?

I feel like Tyun is going to launch an unhinged kidnapping attempt to get OC back and then get captured and tortured by Gyu, but Gyu will act like Tyun was trying to "assassinate the rest of the royal family".

Also, I have a third option besides Tyun not confessing even if one of them dies or confessing when she dies, or he dies in the last moment.

What if he confesses, he was falling in love with her and that he did love her but that she killed that love, and the situation would be Gyu was killed by Tyun, and she is now back with Tyun as his wife and he won't kill her "showing her mercy" like she always wanted him to be more merciful right? (Him being sarcastic basically) but actually doing it so that she can't be reunited with Gyu in the afterlife(yet). And as a team lord tyun this kills me to write I don't want my lil meow meow to turn into stannis. This doesn't really make much sense story wise but I just thought if there could be a third horrible way that he confesses his love.

I honestly dont know who she'll end up with I also dont even know who I want her to end up with. Because either way it would be horrible somehow. OC is destined not to have a happy ending.

Oh i just thought of something horrible what if oc does get pregnant with Tyuns child and then she obvi always wanted a family and such so i dont think shed want to abandon the child or yeet it because of her own trauma with being abandoned as a kid. But Gyu would obviously hate the Kid and want to kill it even worse if the kid has Tyuns eyes, like the kid looks like OC mostly but has Tyuns eyes and smile. This would kill OC and Gyu especially if Gyu killed Tyun. and also, if Tyun knew oc was pregnant (that's why he recklessly tries to kidnap her back) but Gyu kills him and then he'll be so miserable whilst dying because he'll know his kid will likely be abused or killed by Gyu. I don't know why I'm writing all these horrible and worst-case scenarios because I feel sad now lol.

Anyways dont worry about the next chapter just post it whenever you are ready and however you want to post it. We will gobble it up like the YAMQN sluts that we are.

it's super important but i get too much sleep honestly which is also bad for you lmao like i usually sleep 12 hours a day 💀 i wanna stop but idk i just feel tired otherwise :')

yes yessss i agree so much. he would write one angry or emotional message in a moment of weakness but then not send anything again other than a formal threatening message after he collected himself. and your description of tyun after oc left him? impeccable! i couldn't have written it better that's exactly him!

"you will be punished for your crimes of sluttery." pfffft that made me laugh 😂

"YOH imagine somehow Tyun forces OC to murder Gyu?" remember when oc had this thought after watching kai behead jaeyun? "Will Taehyun one day force you to kill someone you love too? Will he make you kill Beomgyu? Or will your head be on the chopping block instead?" 💀

no there wasn't a teaser about gyu capturing taehyun i think it was just some anons speculating

"What if he confesses, he was falling in love with her and that he did love her but that she killed that love, and the situation would be Gyu was killed by Tyun, and she is now back with Tyun as his wife and he won't kill her "showing her mercy" like she always wanted him to be more merciful right?" fuukkkkkkk that would be so ironic and cruel but it's also so taehyun. maybe he even has some remaining sentiment towards her and doesn't actually want to kill her but at the same time he's so fucked up from what she did that he'd never show her affection again and she'd be forced to live in a cold loveless marriage with him knowing that her soulmate died and the one man who wanted to help her now hates her 😭 honestly there are a million ways this fic can end and they're all so good that i sometimes think of changing the ending but i gotta stick to my guns even if my original ending isn't the best lol i just built up to it for so long to change my mind now

"shed want to abandon the child or yeet it" STOP 😭😭😭

"worse if the kid has Tyuns eyes, like the kid looks like OC mostly but has Tyuns eyes and smile." fuck this is sooooo gooood omg like it would look like oc so gyu wouldn't want to hurt it but it also would have tyun's grey eyes and every time it would smile, gyu would see tyun's smile 😭😭 fuck he'd be living in torment everyday and oc too especially if tyun dies she'd have a living breathing reminder of what she did to tyun

you have such good ideas i love you ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[ftm-radio]

Hey Jack, I’ve got an issue. I love my mom, and she tries to be progressive. She’s accepted me as bi but when I came out as trans she told me that I don’t need to label anything yet (I was 14 when I came out). We haven’t brought that up in a real conversation since. She’s also fallen down the JKR thought process and spouts some very common HRT and Trans misconceptions (like how HRT won’t change your muscle mass). I want to correct her and educate her but I’ve got intense anxiety about confronting people. I was thinking of texting her some links to HRT studies but I still live under her roof and we see each other often. Do you have any advice? (ps. I love your blog)

hey anon! sorry to hear about your issue. I can and will try to offer some advice, but please be aware that I don't know everything so my advice probably is far from perfect 😅

hoo boy okay I'm only partway thru & it's already long, so I'm putting it all under a cut. you're welcome, scrollers. ✌🏻

ok I've been thinking about & writing bits of this off and on through the day, so apologies if this is a little jumpy in places!

first off, regarding your anxiety — oh my god, do I understand where you're coming from. confrontation is so scary! and the idea of confronting someone you love is even scarier because it's more personal and it feels like there's way more at stake. but I think if you want to keep a close relationship with your mom it's important to face those fears eventually. otherwise, you'll just have this uncomfortable thing lurking overhead all the time, and it could sour the whole relationship.

now, if you want to try and explain everything and correct the misinformation, you don't necessarily have to do that face to face. especially if that would make you nervous and stutter and misspeak (like I do sometimes, rip). when I came out to my dad, I was terrified because he's an old cranky dude who's lowkey said some kinda bigoted things in the past, and I was terrified of how he might react when i tried telling him. so I wrote him a letter instead! I'm much better with writing than speaking, and I was able to get out all my thoughts and explain everything, including my fears of losing him and losing our relationship. and it worked. my dad and I are still as close as we've always been, maybe even a little closer now.

so I mean, the point of that ramble is that taking the conversation (or at least part of it) to a different platform (letter, email, text... hell even a powerpoint presentation could help if you're into that) is a perfectly valid and viable option.

another important thing is to definitely communicate what you're feeling. let your mom know how much you care about her, how the things she's saying about trans people hurt and upset you, even (maybe especially) how you're scared to have this conversation but that it's necessary and important for both of you that you do have it.

I dont think you should just text your mom some links and call it good (not that that is your plan, but idk I'm just sayin). to me, at least, that seems a bit cold and snide, like saying "you're dumb and wrong and here's the real facts" which could easily have the opposite results you want bc humans can be sensitive and defensive, especially since it's a parent being corrected by their child. I know I don't like being wrong and having to be corrected (though i appreciate it), bc it's embarrassing. I imagine being corrected by your child, the young person you're supposed to raise and teach, can be even more embarrassing & make you more prone to activate the no shut up I'm older and thus I must know better reaction.

obviously that doesn't mean "don't correct your mom ever." I just think that it would probably go better if you were gentle with it. especially because you've said that she tries to be open and progressive. that should be encouraged. and a lot of the misinformation and wrong ideas she has about hrt and trans folks probably isn't her fault—misinformation spreads so easy, especially when nasty people want it to—and they might be exaggerated by her own anxieties and fears for you, her kid. and I can't fault her for that.

and don't rush it! probably don't dump a bunch of articles and studies on her, because that sounds super overwhelming (unless she asks, I guess? idk ur mom) and don't start this conversation with her until you're ready and you know what you want to say, or at least most of it. and this doesn't have to be one giant convo to get it over and done with if you dont want to do it that way. you can start with just one part of it, and let it settle, and start the next part after you've both had time to sit and think about it.

if you aren't sure where to start this conversation, one place you could start is with the simple fact that there are people who purposefully and maliciously spread false information about trans folks to cause harm and create fear and confusion, and that they can be pretty good at it. especially when they are telling these things to people who don't know anything about the topic because they haven't had to know about it up to this point! i dont think its your mom's fault she's been given these ideas, and she shouldnt be made to feel too badly about it. cis and trans folks alike have been fooled by cleverly shared lies. and after you explain that, you can ask her if she'd be open to reading some of those studies and getting more reliable and accurate information, and hopefully the conversation can progress from there.

that's just an idea/suggestion though, obvs you do this however you wanna do it in whatever way feels best to you 👍🏻

I would very much like to think that if you can talk with her (or write to her, whatever) and really communicate, she'd be willing to listen and try to understand and learn.

on the flip side, though... if you try talking and she is totally unwilling to consider the fact that her info/what she's been told is incorrect, and she refuses to listen to you, I don't think there's much to be done.

as you said, you live under her roof and have to see her a lot, so I think for your sake it might be better to try and ignore it and just let it go for now. maybe you could try and broach the topic again in the future, but if she feels really strongly about it and there's absolutely no convincing her, avoiding the topic altogether might be better for you than arguing about it constantly.

and I really, truly hope it doesn't come to that but I had to acknowledge it for my own peace of mind. :/

[jeankirstein4ever]

hihi i hope you're doing well! can i get a matchup the gender doesnt really matter. i use he/they prns btw.

personality categories (idk what to call them) scorpio, intp 5w4, chaotic neutral, and my hogwarts house is slytherin if that matters.

Im a pretty introverted person and will only talk to ppl that i am friends with, even then if we arent really good friends i still wont talk to you unless you spark conversation because i dont like bothering ppl. My sense of humor is mostly sarcastic and dirty. Im also mean as a joke but, i only am to ppl i know who are comfortable with it bc i dont want ppl to genuinely be hurt by anything i say (making ppl uncomfortable/annoyed is my worst fear ngl). i have random burst of energy which usually makes me rant about literally any topic i can come up with. some bad things about my personality tho is i do have a lot of self doubt. its not that i hate myself i just believe that ill never live up to other ppls expectations. its also hard for me to believe someone actually enjoys my presence.

some of my hobbies are dancing, watching anime, gaming, and watching random science vids that pop up on my youtube recommended.

I look for humor and intelligence in a partner. especially humor because i dont take things seriously unless its something im interested in or its a serious issue. also intelligence because i like ranting about things and getting good feedback and thought provoking responses/questions whether the topic is serious or not, and understanding because i will admit im not the easiest person to be with.

my love language is mostly physical touch

im black, 5'3, have short ear length hair (i keep them it in mini twist), im curvy, have sharper features on my face, and have dark skin

random stuff: my fav music genres are alternative rock, rap, hyper pop, r&b, and kpop. my current favorite song is Pretty little birds by SZA and not allowed by TV girl. i also used to do ballet and i love it so much

Aot Matchups

A/n I love these so much, thank you for your ask

I match you with Levi

Levi and you are an all or nothing relationship, the second you two start dating it's all-consuming and absolutely everything

Levi was never one for affection of any kind let alone physical but when you sat down and talked about the things that made you feel loved he made sure to try and incorporate physical affection even in the smallest forms.

After a little while into your guys relationship when you started getting a bit more comfortable you started giving him little kisses on the forehead which he loved more than anything else in the world.

Before missions he would always pull you aside into his office before hugging your for dear life while muttering sweet nothings in your ear, “I love you, you know that right? You mean the world to me, if anything happens I need you to know that.”

When you got injured on a mission, he lost all self-control, this man is a killing machine on a good day but when he thought you were gone the world deserved to burn. Every titan he came across was slaughtered in a matter of seconds.

On the other hand when he found out you were fine, he fucking broke “I thought you were dead, I-I thought I lost you.”

“Baby, you're never losing me”

PET NAMES, this man will fucking die if you call him “baby” or “honey” he loves it so much.

Levi doesn't like PDA in the slightest but if someone tries to get a little too flirty like Petra (sorry Petra) he will purposely kiss you or wrap his arm around your waist In front of them as long as your comfortable with it.

He loves your dirty jokes, even if they're not the best it'll still earn a grin maybe even a chuckle.

YOUR HAIR, he loves it so much. I can't emphasize how much he loves your hair, it's one of his favorite things about you.

He adores your laugh, the first time her heard it was after his own attempt at a dirty joke causing you to spend a solid five minutes laughing your ass off.

He thought it sounded angelic

Mood board:

Playlist :

Love song - The Cure

This side of paradise - Coyote Theory

Hate Yourself - TV Girl

When Am I Gonna Lose You - Local Natives

Corduroy Dreams - Rex Orange County

July - Sir Chloe

Always Forever - Cults

Sanctuary - Joji

Alrighty Aphrodite - Peach pit

3005 - Childish Gambino

Love Letter :

Darling, I love you. I cant say enough , nor can I ever get tired of you saying the same. You loved me, I am loved. By you of all people, wonderful angelic you. In case I don't get a chance to tell you this, or in case I don't say it before we leave, you're my everything, all I've ever needed or wanted. I plan on marrying you , maybe not right now but soon. There's a ring in my office drawer, I almost proposed last night. I'm worried that I m moving to fast and somehow every time I get worried, you find a way to reassure me that I'm not. Just as I will always do for you. I don't know if you remember this but the first night you stayed in my room you fell asleep muttering "please don't leave me." Darling there is nothing in this world that could separate me from you. I am with you always and forever.