#also does anyone else think sherlock laughs on purpose?

[abstractfrog]

little comic based on The Gloria Scott - part 2

[therealsaintscully]

Mary and butterflies - the inevitability of death, murderous calling cards and collectors

Some ramblings with links to other people’s excellent meta, in which I suggest that butterflies (and/or moths) symbolize Mary as Moriarty’s reincarnation and or calling card, while also hint at her inevitable death.

Disclaimers: credits are below the cut. I’m not an expert in any of these topics. Thank you, @thewatsonbeekeepers​​ for the beta. In this post I’ll be using moths and butterflies interchangeably, apologies to any entomologists.

Mary’s appearance in the show brings with it new imagery we haven’t seen prior to The Empty Hearse - butterflies. Once Mary’s in the picture, there are butterflies in some very strategic locations, all are either visually or subtextually leading to her. The show has done that previous to season 3; Moriarty is connected to some well established symbols like magpies, apples and IOUs. 

When I first started reading meta I used to think these themes were a bit of a stretch, but I’ve since accepted  that this is a show that puts barely noticeable phoenixes in a restaurant scene that shows us Sherlock rising from his death.

Here are some of the butterflies I spotted so far:

Butterflies (and in the case of this piece of meta, moth) symbolize most commonly resurrection, change and renewal. Behind the symbolism stands the transformation of a small, ungainly creature into something full-grown and unbound. In that case, in the simplest way, one could argue that butterflies were chosen to symbolize her because the ‘Mary Morstan’ persona was a stillborn’s identity that was stolen and used ‘reborn’ to create a new person.

But more than this simplistic idea; butterflies carry multiple symbolisms. When it comes to Sherlock, I and many others tend to look at Victorian symbolism, considering the detective’s Victorian roots. 

I find the appearance of butterflies interesting in Mary’s context, much like I find the skull interesting in Sherlock’s. The skulls, in Sherlock’s case, serve plenty of purposes, but one of them is the idea of memento mori.

Memento mori (Latin for 'remember that you [have to] die') is an artistic or symbolic reminder of the inevitability of death. These are representations that can appear in any form of art such as paintings, literature, poetry etc. It’s a concept that existed in many ancient cultures but is also deeply rooted in early Christianity. It serves to remind people of the inevitable; that even if we choose to ignore it, not think about it, it’s always there lurking, and the purpose is not to scare us but to encourage us to make good use of our time when we’re alive. Memento mori was the philosophy of reflecting on your own death as a form of spiritual improvement, and rejecting earthly vanities.

Victorians were obsessed with the concept (weren’t Victorians obsessed with everything?). They would take photographs of the dead and keep locks of hair of those who died in mourning brooches. It is said that they found these practices comforting. 

Another expression of the ‘remember that you must die’ concept was vanitas art;  vanitas is a symbolic work of art showing the transience of life, the futility of pleasure, and the certainty of death. The Latin noun vanitas (from the Latin adjective vanus 'empty') means 'emptiness', 'futility', or 'worthlessness', the traditional Christian view being that earthly goods and pursuits are transient and worthless. It alludes to Ecclesiastes 1:2; 12:8, where vanitas translates the Hebrew word hevel (הבל), which also includes the concept of transitoriness. 

This concept reminds me, most especially, of the skull used in The Abominable Bride, which is actually Charles Allen Gilbert's 'All is Vanity' Illusion art.

Back to butterflies - butterflies are a staple component of vanitas art - paintings executed in the vanitas style were meant to remind viewers of the transience of life, the futility of pleasure, and the certainty of death. They also provided a moral justification for painting attractive objects - in a way, it’s a justification for the vanity, or the human need of enjoyment of beautiful things.  Below is a vanitas by Jan Sanders van Hemessen:

But butterflies are also considered an omen of death: 

“Butterflies and moths were associated with death, sometimes merely as omens, sometimes as the soul or ghost.” These butterfly omens came in many ways.  For example, in the nineteenth century United States, some people thought that a trio of butterflies was an omen of death.” [x]

Oh.

But I also think there’s more to the butterfly symbolism than Mary’s imminent death; I suggest that, in keeping with @loudest-subtext-in-tv​ M-Theory (suggesting that Mary was planted in John’s life by Moriarty), they symbolize Mary as Moriarty reincarnated following his death in TRF. That Moriarty had indeed not disappointed Sherlock - there was a posthumous game after all! That Sherlock was supposed to understand that while one form of Moriarty died on that roof, another had emerged, continuing the mission of burning Sherlock’s heart. Mary is Moriarty’s calling card, left behind in the crime scene. They’re different, but not separate, which is why Sherlock is so obsessed with Moriarty between HLV-T6T; he’s both wrong and correct at the same time.

So far, what I’ve suggested is that in Sherlock, skulls are Sherlock’s symbolic memento mori - the skulls are associated with Sherlock in some very significant ways. 

However, Mary’s character was doomed from the start - she dies during Sherlock’s hiatus in ACD canon. I believe many fans assumed Sherlock’s Mary expected the same fate when she was introduced to the show. Although the story of Samarra is told by Sherlock, who expects his own death in T6T, Mary is the one who ends up dying. 

Butterflies in ACD canon

Searching for the significance of butterflies in the ACD and BBC canon led me to a number of interesting directions in meta written by others. 

The first and probably the best place to start is this meta post by @tendergingergirl​​, which I strongly suggest you read in full: Butterflies, Sexual Deviancy & The Bloodline Theory in The Hound of The Baskervilles. 

Stapleton also has a hobby. He collects bugs…Butterflies, to be exact. This can often be seen as purely academic, but depending on the actions of the hobbyist, they can indicate more disturbing things. That of holding something vulnerable captive, treating it as your hostage, pinning it down. The torture of animals has come to be a good indicator of someone who would do this to a human. He had already shown callousness by laughing as he recounts to Holmes of ponies wandering onto the Moor, becoming trapped, and dying. In 1974, there was a release of a new edition of Sherlock Holmes stories, with the forward of The Hound of The Baskervilles written by British author, John Fowles. He is responsible for several well-known works, including The French Lieutenant’s Wife. Another, was a novel that Mason finds himself wondering why Fowles doesn’t mention in his introduction, since the villain is such a close parallel to Stapleton.(but as we have learned through the study of ACD, most writers will not come right out and say where they got their inspiration. They like for you to guess!)

A lonely young man, works as a clerk, and collects butterflies, becomes obsessed with a pretty young girl, Miranda, an art student. He chloroforms, and kidnaps her, taking her to his cellar basement, to add Miranda to his collection. That book was called The Collector. But what else does it sound like?

“So yes, I googled. From an article on the release of the movie’s Documentary. "The docu proves a poor reference point for anyone who wants to understand the literary and movie links for “Lambs.” There’s no mention, for example, of how Harris partly based the butterfly-loving Bill on John Fowles’ kidnapper in “The Collector” …And here I thought Mofftiss added allusions to Silence of The Lambs into Sherlock just for fun. SMH.”

@tendergingergirl​ also added this photo to their post:

So what we have here is a chain of metatextualities/inspiration, starting with ACD’s THOB, where Jack Stapelton inspires a book about a disturbed butterfly collector (The Collector by John Fowles), which inspires a the author of Silence of the Lambs in creation of his character Buffalo Bill, a serial murderer who inserts a death's head moth into the victim's throat because he is fascinated by the insect's metamorphosis. Silence of the Lambs served as inspiration for Sherlock  as analyzed by @garkgatiss​ in Bond, Hannibal, and Holmes (I suggest you read the whole Hannibal section) . 

Let’s look again at some imagery from His Last Vow. Mary shoots Sherlock’s heart, essentially burning his heart out, and who does Sherlock meet in his Mind Palace in a very cocoon-like straightjacket? Yes, the dead dude who encourages him to die already (“one more push, and off you pop”).

What’s the next thing we as an audience see once Sherlock opens his eyes? Mary coming to the hospital to hear that Sherlock had, in fact, survived. And what is she wearing? Her butterfly scarf, one which will another appearance later in the episode, during the tarmac scene.

I also find it interesting that in the context of Sherlock and Silence of the Lamb, there’s an element of gender-switching between Moriarty and Mary. Buffalo Bill, the murderer from Silence of the Lambs, skins bodies of women to create himself a woman’s 'suit’; in Sherlock, Moriarty is a man-villain who transforms into a female-villain in the form of a bride and/or Mary. 

By the way, who else is obsessed with his suits?

Also, let’s not forget the worms, maggots and other such crawlers in the grave scene:

Now, let’s go over some of the photos I included in the beginning of this post a bit further.

Mrs. Hudson’s butterfly tea set is first shown in TEH - she uses it to serve John tea when he comes visiting her and tellis her about Mary. We also see it near John’s chair on the day of the wedding. This isn’t Sherlock’s set - his set is different, featuring the British Isles. Moriarty drinks from it in TRF. The next tea set we see, now that Moriarty is dead, is the butterflies one. In TLD, Mrs. Hudson uses Sherlock’s tea set - the butterflies are gone.

Mary’s bedroom wallpaper is very feminine, with flowers and butterflies, both complementing symbols while also very common in vanitas art. Much like Mrs. Hudson’s wallpaper in Baker Street, Mary’s wallpaper is supposed to show the contrast between Mary’s flat/Mary and Sherlock’s flat/Sherlock.

There’s an interesting moth reference in The Empty Hearse, which in my opinion, is Mary & Moriarty related. In short, in a previous piece of meta I wrote, I suggested that the Jack the Ripper case in TEH is subtext alluding to Mary’s skeletons, which Sherlock ignores because he’s upset by his reception by John. And what’s one of the first things Sherlock notices about the skeleton? New mothballs smell, hinting at an attempt to get rid of moth/butterflies - maybe a hint to  the fact that Sherlock has a chance to discover the truth about Mary but misses it. Also, in the context of Mary and the Jack the Ripper case, notice this transition:

Transitions are important on Sherlock - they’re nearly always there to draw our attention.

This, I think, is perhaps the most telling about a possible connection between Mary and Moriarty: we have both magpies (a Moriarty hint) and butterflies together here. This isn’t the only hint of Mary’s past we get in the wedding; there is, after all, the telegram from CAM.

Mary’s scarf is colorful, and it appears by the time Sherlock’s subconscious suspects Mary. Mary’s black butterfly dress - an ominous dress, I’d say - is the one she wears during the labour scene in the car. The third photo is a behind the scenes photo uploaded by Amanda Abbington, although I’m unsure whether this necklace is AA’s or Mary’s (but I couldn’t pass on including this).

Interestingly, the butterflies do not appear in Rosie’s context - either because it’s a telling sign that Mary won’t be with us much longer, or because Rosie is spared being considered a part of the ‘burning Sherlock’s heart’ plan. Sherlock, on the surface, seems to love Rosie and accepts her.

Also, another BTS photograph I came across during my research which I’ve never seen before and ties nicely to the vanity topic is this one (found here):

The Death's-head hawkmoth and ‘Death with Interruptions’

You’ll recall that I referenced The Collector and Silence of the Lambs, both featuring butterflies on their cover art. 

The Silence of the Lambs cover features Acherontia atropos, otherwise known as the death's-head hawkmoth. It gets its name from the sinister-looking skull shape on its back. In many cultures it is thought to be an omen of death. In a bit of another coincidental but stunning piece of symbolism, all three species of the Death's-head hawkmoth are commonly observed raiding beehives of different species of honey bee; A. atropos only invades colonies of the well-known western honey bee, Apis mellifera, and feeds on both nectar and honey. They can move about in hives without being disturbed because they mimic the scent of the bees and are not recognised as intruders.

Anyway, the use of Acherontia atropos reminded me of the book ‘Death with Interruptions’ by Jose Saramago. Interestingly, this is another book about a deathly collector with a butterfly on the cover:

In Death with Interruptions death is a woman, and she falls in love with one of her future victims. She decides to spare his life: Every time death sends him his letter [notifying him of his imminent death], it gets returned. death discovers that, without reason, this man has mistakenly not been killed. Although originally intending merely to analyse this man and discover why he is unique, death eventually becomes infatuated with him, so much so that she takes on human form to meet him. Upon visiting the cellist, she plans to personally give him the letter; instead, she falls in love with him, and, by doing so, she becomes even more human-like.

It’s pretty common to read theories about Mary who maybe was one of the assassins due to kill John both at the pool and in front of Barts. So we have a death harbinger trying to kill someone twice and failing. She then falls in love with him.

But how does the butterfly fit in?

Well, at some point in the story, death (that’s her name, sans a capital d), contemplates that using the death head butterfly, instead of a violet piece of paper, would have sent a much stronger message to those whose death is coming for.

And here’s another last bit of coincidental reference to Sherlock: I’d argue shades of purple, among them shades of violet, are associated with Mary and her secrets. There’s the purple dress she wears in TEH, her bridesmaids’ dresses include various shades of purple (including what I would argue was a violet sash) and let’s not forget:

Oh and, by the way, remember the song Donde Estas, Yolanda from TEH, about a woman called Yolanda? Always thought it was a bit of an odd choice for a song?

Yolanda is a female given name, of Greek origin, meaning Violet.

:)

Thoughts?

Credits: thank you @lukessense​ for directing me to @tendergingergirl​ meta about butterflies. Episode screenshots are from kissthemgoodbye.net.

@sarahthecoat​  @tjlcisthenewsexy​ @devoursjohnlock​ @inevitably-johnlocked​ @shylockgnomes​ @possiblyimbiassed​ @raggedyblue​ @ebaeschnbliah​ @gosherlocked​ @waitedforgarridebs​ @helloliriels​ 

[jiamour]

love letters

pairing: ravenclaw!renjun x hufflepuff!reader

genre: fluff

word count: 4.7k

summary:  in which renjun has the phattest crush but he’s too shy to say anything despite being their tutor so his friend convinces him to write anonymous love letters to get his feelings out

alternatively: renjun’s a cutie and you hate arithmancy

a/n: i wrote this two years ago so its not great and its bullet point again, also the pronouns in this are they/them i think?? this is the softest i’ve ever written renjun im sorry he’s not a bad bitch in this 

“GUESS WHAT,” you yelled as you walked into the hufflepuff common room knowing your friends would be there, “I FUCKING FAILED!”

cheers broke out

applause was given

you bowed

“thank you, thank you.”

“i told you not to take arithmancy,” your best friend jaemin’s voice spoke from one of the worn down couches, “why would you choose to do math when you’re a wizard?”

“i wanted a challenge jaemin.”

“bet you regret that type of thinking now idiot.”

“you’re a hufflepuff, you’re supposed to be nice,” you whined walking over to him and plopping by his side on the couch

“i’m just teasing hun,” he said, placing a hand on your shoulder in comfort “how bad did you do?”

“on the last assignment i got a dreadful.”

jaemin went to laugh but it caught in his throat when he saw how upset you looked

“i think she just gave me pity points for writing my name neatly”

“you were always good at that,” jaemin nodded thoughtfully and you elbowed his side with a glare

“if only there was a calligraphy class here for you” jaemin continued on completely ignoring your attack

“don’t act like i’m not beating you in every other class”

“well then don’t act like i was the one stupid enough to ‘predict the future with numbers’ what kind of shit? isn’t that was the crystal balls are for”

“you’re really bad at comforting me” you giggled at his stupid words

“then why are you laughing”

“i’m not”

you were

“i guess i’ll just have to tickle you to cheer you up then,” he said with a shrug, “i mean since there’s no other way”

“don’t you dare”

“don’t you fucking dare jaemin”

but it was too late

jaemin hands went straight to your sides

you toppled backwards in laughter squirming to get out of his tickling hold

“st- stop” you chocked out through tears and giggles

“only if you’re feeling better” he said “if i see a single trace of a frown when i stop you best be prepared”

“i’m better” you tried to say but it came out in a sputter with loud laughs in between

jaemin pulled away slowly and you caught your breath before sitting up

“never do that again”

“but yn”

“never”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“you’re smart right?” jaemin asked hand on his hip looking down at the kid sitting in front of him

“i mean i guess?” the kid awkwardly answered not completely understanding what was going on

“good then i need you to tutor my friend”

“umm what?” the boy raised his eyebrow and looked at jaemin completely lost

“my friend needs help in arithmancy, like serious, serious help, and you claim to be smart, so it only makes sense that you would tutor them” jaemin explained his nonsensical logic and the boy just agreed in shock too confused to know what else to do

“okay good, so when are you free-“ jaemin thought for a second “what’s your name again?”

“renjun”

“okay so when are you free renjun?”

renjun began to ramble “i um i don’t have many plans most of the time so i guess-“

“perfect” jaemin clapped his hands together not letting renjun finish “meet them in the library tomorrow at 7”

“i-okay” jaemin took that as the end of the conversation giving a soft smile before turning to go find you

“wait what’s their name?” renjun called his words coming out all at different volumes “who am i tutoring”

“yn” jaemin turned a little to face renjun “do you know them?”

fuck

this could not be happening

renjun was going to die

his face was already burning thinking about it

noticing renjun’s expression jaemin just laughed

“i’ll take that as a yes”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“GUESS WHO’S THE BESTEST FRIEND EVER”

you gasped “is hyuck here?”

“what? no? you asshole it’s me”

“oof don’t flatter yourself that much” you mumbled waving him off

“i guess you don’t need the tutor i got you then”

“OH MY GOD JAEMIN REALLY?! YOU'RE THE BESTEST FRIEND EVER”

you jumped up and hugged him squeezing both of his arms into his sides

“i knew you’d come around” he said in a cocky demeanor “how could you not? i mean look at this face”

“and you ruined it” you spoke breathily and sat back down where you were before

“who’s my tutor anyways?”

“renjun”

your whole body went stiff

“guess you know him then” jaemin shrugged

“fuck you jaemin”

“hey where’s your hufflepuff manners you should be thanking me”

you probably should have

but you weren’t

because out of all the people in the school for jaemin to pick from

he chose fucking huang renjun

the ravenclaw cutie from astronomy who always lent you his ink when you ran out

the genius who always mastered the spells in minutes no matter how complex

now you were going to look stupid in front of him

you really didn’t want to look stupid in front of him

anyone else would be fine

just not him

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

it was 7 and jaemin had instructed you to wait outside the library for renjun

it was really really awkward

anxiety filled your stomach and mind

7:01

he was late that was fine, only one minute, it’s whatever

7:04

he probably just got lost of the funky moving staircases

yeah

that’s it

7:08

you shifted on you feet

uncomfortable

people were watching you get stood up

for a tutoring session

god your life couldn’t be anymore of a mess

7:15

panic set in

you closed your eyes taking a deep breath before preparing yourself to leave

and probably go smack jaemin upside the head for doing this to you

that was until you were hit by the library door

you let out a loud groan

done with everything

but when you looked at who had hit you

renjun was standing there

holding his books to his chest looking discouraged

“hey?” you said a little confused that he hadn’t noticed he hit you with a fucking door

“oh” his eyes grew wide when he saw you “yn you were here the whole time?”

your hand when straight to your face

you were really fucking stupid

making a fool of yourself already

didn't even check inside the library

“were you inside?” you asked quietly knowing the answer anyways

“yeah i thought you weren’t coming”

“i’m so sorry, jaemin gives really bad instructions”

“yeah?”

“yeah.”

there was silence

this was awkward

“so umm” renjun started “should we go study?”

“that does seem like the best idea”

“okay”

you followed him into the library in awkward, awkward silence

you sat at the same table you assumed he was at before because it was littered with arithmancy books

“so what do you think you have most trouble with” he asked looking down at a book and flipping through the pages so he could have something to do

“um- all of it”

yay humiliation

he laughed

and you died

“why are you laughing? i’m serious”

he face instantly fell he cleared his throat looking at you shyly

“that can’t be true” he spoke soft trying not to offend you assuming he was already on thin ice

“oh it is hun”

“then i guess we have a lot of work to do”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“ugh i hate arithmancy it’s literally the worst”

“it’s my favorite subject”

you coughed

“i mean i love arithmancy it’s the best yay” you said weakly adding small jazz hands at the end

“you don’t have to lie” he laughed writing as he spoke “the numbers just remind me of home”

you hummed quietly

“so you’re muggle born?” you ask glaring down at the complicated numbers in front of you

“yeah” renjun sighed “you don’t have a problem with that right?”

you were slightly offended

okay very offended

you looked at him in angry disbelief your mouth open in the shape of an o “do i look like a pretentious twat to you?”

“well...”

“don’t answer that”

he laughed

he had a nice laugh

“how far did you make it into the equation” he curiously leaned over the table to look at your work

“i have the first three numbers” you groaned spotting his already half full page

“and 2 of them are wrong” he brought his quill over and circled the numbers

you laid your head in your hands

this sucked

you felt dumb

you didn’t want to be here

“hey no yn don’t give up okay” he said softly, lightly trying to move your arms away from your face

you just let out a frustrated hum

“i’m never going to get this”

“not with that attitude you won’t”

you moved your hands away from your face to glare at him but he only smiled

he did that purposely didn’t he

fucking ravenclaws

he began to scoot his chair from the opposite side of the table to right beside you, grabbing the quill off of the paper

“here let me help we’ll figure this out together okay?”

you looked at him as he began to write with wide eyes

“okay.”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“did you understand today’s assignment?” renjun asked you

you gave him a look raising an eyebrow knowing he already knew the answer

“okay no need for that sass” he huffed “you could’ve just said no”

“you don’t deserve a no for a stupid question like that”

you began taking your books and parchment out of your bag

“i’m ready to begin this torture”

“hey i’m not that bad”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“okay but chenle is totally into jisung did you see the way he was all over him at lunch and whenever jisung walks into the room chenle’s feet turn straight towards him and he ignores everyone else that love psych 101” you said to renjun half way through your 6th study session which had more or less deteriorated into a gossip session

“oh okay ms.sherlock holmes” renjun had an impressed smile

“who the fuck is sherlock holmes?”

renjun waved his hand at you

“ugh wizards”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

the more you got to know renjun the more references that you didn’t understand at all came

it was to say the least frustrating

but his eyes always lit up when he spoke about muggle books or movies so you just let it slide

“tell me more about this spider-man guy” you said one day your head resting on your hand and you gazed at him expectantly

“okay so he was like this super smart teenager but he got bit by a radioactive spider which changed-“ renjun stopped mid sentence glaring at you slightly “you’re trying to distract me aren’t you?”

you raised your hands in the air defensively “what no-“

“oh my god you are! i’m so easy to trick how dare you,” he rambled “we’re getting back to work”

this was met by a groan

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“this is a bad idea jeno”

“you say that every time”

“that’s because all of your ideas suck”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

owls flew through the dining hall dropping down in front of students around you, delivering mail

your owl was one of the last

he had always been quite slow

jaemin was riffling through a package of salt water taffy his grandparents had sent him when your owl finally arrived

he was carrying the usual newspaper and weekly letter from your parents

you thanked your owl petting his head softly

he nuzzled into your palm before flying off again

when you moved the newspaper out of the way of your food you were surprised to see another letter under it

the envelope was completely blank except for your name

you lifted it up glancing at it curiously

“who is that from?” jaemin said chewing a pink taffy in his mouth

“i-um i don’t know?”

“do you have a secret boyfriend that you aren’t telling me about?”

jaemin was an idiot

you rolled your eyes at him and began opening the envelope cautiously hoping it wasn’t a prank

there was a single folded parchment inside

when you saw what it said your cheeks heated up and a small smile grew on your face

“wait, oh my god! you do have a secret boyfriend!” he exclaimed loudly getting annoyed glares from the people around you

he reached out trying to grab the paper out of your hands and read it but you pulled it out of arms reach, folding it and sticking your tongue out at him

you opened the letter under the table glancing to read it over once again

“i’m too shy to say this in person but i think you’re really cute. i hope you’re eating and sleeping well.” there was a tiny heart drawn beside that “have a great day!!”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“did you start your number chart?”

“i spent all night working on it” you told him rubbing your eyes

he gave you a disapproving look

“yn if you don’t sleep then you can’t concentrate and if you can’t concentrate then you can’t listen and if you can’t listen then you fail”

“well wasn’t that an enlightening roller coaster of words”

he huffed

you leaned over resting on him as you gave him an awkward side hug “you know i’m joking”

he nodded

wow your heart was beating way too fast right now

“i just wanted to work on it so i could impress-“ you. i wanted to impress you “the professor”

“i know yn but just take care of yourself okay” he was blushing now which you thought was cute

very very cute

you pulled away from him with a large smile taking your work out of your bag to show to him

“wait this actually really good” he said in happy surprise “yn you’re getting better”

“well yeah i have a good tutor”

he nudged you slightly

“shut up” renjun lightheartedly laughed

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

this time jaemin was ready

he was going to read one of the letters from your secret boyfriend

there was no stopping him

well you stopped him the last 4 times

but this time

there was no stopping him

when your owl flew towards you he quickly grabbed your mail before you could and began to open the letter tossing your newspaper at you

“HEY” you yelled ready to jump the table to stop jaemin but it was too late

“i want to make a fragile human connection in the vast and unfeeling infinity of chaotic universe with you,” jaemin read the letter out loud proceeding to scrunch his face up when he finished

“what the fuck was that? is that what you and your secret boyfriend talk about? science shit?” he tossed the letter to you which you grabbed quickly and smiled at the tiny stars they had drawn along the page

“i think it’s cute” you spoke softly, adoration in your tone

“i can’t believe my best friend is a nerd”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“I DID IT” you said loudly as soon as you saw renjun in the library only to be shushed by at least 10 students at once

“you did! i’m so proud of you” his voice was a lot quieter probably trying to not get everyone to hate him

you sat down in the chair beside him which he already had pulled out and placed your essay down in front of him

“i mean it’s only an acceptable but it’s good for me y’know” you rambled on shyly his eyes shone bright at your accomplishments

“it’s great yn” he encouraged “we should um”

he looked away from you awkwardly

“hmm?”

“we should uh go to hogsmeade this weekend to celebrate?” renjun couldn’t look you in the eyes and he felt as if he was going to combust “i mean only if you want to if you don’t that’s fine too no pressure”

“you’re rambling” you giggled

“sorry i-“

“i’d love to go to hogsmeade with you”

his shoulders relaxed and he finally looked at you  smiling with his eyes

your heart was blessed that day

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“i can’t believe you have a date”

“shut up it’s not date”

“it totally is”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

it was quite cold the day you and renjun had planned to go to hogsmeade

okay really cold

and there was renjun standing outside leaning against a wall with his ravenclaw scarf pulled up just past the tip of his nose, hands in his coat pocket, shivering

you were late

and running through the halls

you yelled sorry’s as you pushed past slow moving students hoping you hadn’t kept renjun waiting long

you saw him standing in the cold somehow the small boy was looking even tinier than usual

“renjun” you yelled out waving a hand in the air so he could see you even though you were the only one around

his head lifted up from his scarf and you noticed his smile as he stopped leaning and walked towards you

“you haven’t been waiting long have you?”

“no don’t worry yn i just got here”

that was a lie

you could tell by the red tint on his cheek and the tip of his nose and also the occasional shiver

“liar” you said reaching towards his cheek to place your hands on them to see how cold they were “you’re freezing injunnie”

you couldn’t tell if he was blushing or if he had just gotten colder

“your hands are just warm” he protested moving your hands away from face and back in between the both of you

you both stood there for a second your hands in his until he realized what he was doing

he took a large step back

to your disappointment

“we should-um let’s get going?” he mumbled into his scarf

which by the way was very cute

“lets”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

renjun’s hands were waving around and he explained stories from the muggle world

and it seemed as though other wizards at tables beside yours had been listening as well

“okay so then get this,” renjun said dramatically and loudly “the sent him to england to be executed but he was abducted by pirates and brought back home”

the girl at the table to the right of you gasped

renjun shrunk back in his chair embarrassed realizing others were listening his hands quickly were placed down on the table

“don’t be shy” you encouraged him placing one of your hands on his “you get really excited when you talk and it makes people want to listen”

“oh” he looked down at your hands and then back up at you

“when he got back home there was a funeral for his kind of girlfriend but like not really cause he told her he didn’t love her...”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“today was nice”

“yeah it was”

“we should do it again some time”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

you opened the envelope the owl had brought you

“i hope these letters brighten your day even a little because you’re beautiful when you smile and when you don’t, you’re beautiful all the time..”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“i can’t do it i’m going to fail” you whined while trying to make a particularly hard chart, beginning to scribble down the page

renjun quickly snatched your quill out of your hands and placed it down beside him

“you’re getting better yn, you’re not going to fail” his hands moved to your shoulders as he tried to motivate you looking you straight in the eyes

“but this is so hard injunnie,” you reaching for your quill back but he took his hands off your shoulders and moved it farther away

“you’re not getting it back until you say something positive”

“i don’t have anything positive to say, i’m going to fail and my parents are going to disown me and i’ll have to live in a shack”

renjun laughed at how ridiculous you sounded

he pointed to a line of work on your paper “what do you do after that?”

you muttered an answer lacking any confidence

“that’s right yn” he clapped shocking you

“wait really!?”

“yeah really see you’re going to pass” he was hyping you up and it was working

“i’m going to pass!”

“you can do this!”

“i’m going to get an outstanding!”

“yes you are!”

“i’m going to do better than you!”

“you see now you’re going too far”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

mail day is what you looked forward to every week filled with joy at the thought of receiving a letter from the anonymous person

as soon as it arrived you basically ripped it open startling jaemin

leaving a long tear in the letter but it was still easy to see

“your determination is admirable”

your heart swelled when you read the words, carefully folding it and placing it back in the envelope to make sure it didn’t get hurt

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“what the fuck man step up your game”

“i thought it was good?”

“you told her that her determination was admirable what kind of weird ass flirting is that”

“okay okay fine now that you say it out loud...”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

full of anticipation for what today’s letter would say your leg bounced up and down

your owl dropped the letters in front of you and you opened it slowly learning from your mistake last time

“are you pikachu? because you’re shockingly beautiful” is all it said inside

what the fuck is a pikachu?

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“hey renjun”

“yeah?”

“do you know what a pikachu is?”

he chocked on air, coughing into his arm

“what? why- why um do you need to know?”

“i got a letter yesterday and it had the word but i couldn’t figure out what it was so i assumed it was a muggle thing, it is a muggle thing right?”

“yeah, a pikachu is a pokémon”

“wow very helpful thank you”

he laughed embarrassed “i forgot you didn’t know about any of that, pokémon are like tiny cartoon monsters”

oh so they were comparing you to a monster

yay

that made you feel so great

“pikachu is an electric type”

“oh” you mumbled sadly

renjun automatically noticed your mood drop and quickly tried to stumble to fix it “i um- i mean he’s- um- pikachu is one of the cute ones?”

you could tell he was trying to cheer you up so you smiled at him

“thank you renjun”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

you kept the letters by your bed there were about 15 now the recent ones reading

“you must be magical, because I've fallen under your spell.” (obviously you were magic they were magic too)

“are you the moon? because even when it’s dark you still seem to shine” (most letters had been space related which you found really cute)

“you must be in honeydukes, cause wow, you're really sweet” (okay this one was nice)

the most recent one “you’re an 11/0 because your beauty is undefined” would have been nice if it didn’t remind you of how awful numbers were

getting letters everyday really had made your life more interesting

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“i wonder who’s writing these, do you know who’s writing these jaemin?”

“why would i know who your secret boyfriend is?”

“because you know everything”

“i know it’s such a burden sometimes”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“are you even going to tell them it’s you?”

“i think i would probably die”

“there’s worse ways to go”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

with every session your grades were getting higher and the closer to owl’s it became

you sat with renjun in your usual spot in the library for one of your last tutoring sessions

this should have made you happy but it didn’t

you wanted more time with renjun

but the only way you knew how to talk to him was through studying and the occasion celebratory trips whenever your grade rose

“did you get number 7 on page 378?”

you watched his mouth move but you couldn’t process what he was saying too lost in your thoughts

“yn are you even paying attention?”

“most definitely”

“you liar”

you sighed

“i’m just going to miss you that’s it- miss this”

“yeah me too”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“are you a Snitch? because you're the finest catch here.” today’s letter read with a tiny broom and golden snitch drawn messily in the corner

you smiled

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

“you have to tell them man”

“i can’t it’ll be so embarrassing”

“come on, no it won’t they like them”

“you have no proof”

“i see them smile every time they open one”

“well what if they don’t like me”

“like that’s even possible don’t you guys meet up like everyday”

“it’s not everyday and it’s for tutoring”

“is that why i’ve seen you on a date”

“i’ve told you a million times it wasn’t a date”

“but you wanted it to be”

“well yeah”

“then tell them, it will work out and if it doesn’t you can dye my hair pink”

“but you’d look good with pink hair?”

“oh why thank you”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*

it was the day before your arithmancy owl

you were panicked

because of renjun’s help you had been receiving straight e’s

you were both immensely proud

you paced back and forth in the hufflepuff common room frantic students panicking around you

you needed a walk

you opened the door to the common room

and there was renjun looking like he was about to knock a piece of paper in his hands

“hi?” you said slightly confused but very happy to see him nonetheless

“oh yn hi i was-“ he seemed very awkward in front of you his hand fidgeting slightly and his leg bouncing you assumed it was just nerves for exams “i was just coming to see you”

“i was going for a walk do you want to join?”

he nodded

“so are you ready for your owl’s?” you asked trying to make conversation as you walked

and also clear up the tense atmosphere that renjun was creating

“i think i’ll do well i’ve been studying a lot recently at dinner and in between classes but i’m still worried y’know”

“yeah i get it, i’m worried because i could actually fail” you laughed

“hey i thought we talked about this” his voice was finally light and joking

it was comfortable again

“i know my goal is still to beat you and mark my words it will happen”

“i’m sure it will” he agreed without even a hint of sarcasm

“finally i get the recognition for the genius i am”

he laughed fiddling with he paper in his fingers

“what’s that you have?” you asked gesturing to the paper and he froze going stiff

“it’s um-“ he stuttered out “its um nothing”

you stopped in front of him clearly not buying it

“okay it’s not nothing” he lifted up the letter as if he was making a decision and then held it out to you looking away

“just don’t hate me okay?”

this confused you

why would you ever hate him?

you cautiously took the paper from his hands giving him a curious look and opened it slowly while he looked at the ground

“are you using the confundas charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?”

no way

this couldn’t be happening

you knew you were dumb but not this dumb

of course he was the one writing the letters

holy shit renjun was writing the letters

“renjun i-“ you started and he looked at you shyly preparing for rejection

“i can’t believe you wasted your final note on that”

wait what?” his eyes widened as he took the paper back looking at it “but jeno helped me write it”

“didn’t you say jeno was an idiot?”

“well yeah, i guess his other idea wouldn’t work either”

you quirked an eyebrow

“what other idea?”

he pulled a second piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to you

you laughed a little as you opened this one

“will you go out with me?” it read

your smile grew at least 100x it’s size

“i dunno this one seems like a pretty good idea to me”

“really?”

“really.”

“i guess that means i don’t get to try idea three”

you giggled “what’s idea three?”

“this,” he leaned in to kiss you gently

he had meant for it to be just a peck but as soon as he moved away you tugged on his robes pulling him in again

“i think that one was my favorite idea” you said as your forehead rested against his

“mine too.” he breathed softly

“was that jeno’s idea as well?”

“no that one was completely mine”

━━ *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* *✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ*✭˚･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ* 

[mca-attack21]

The Impossible

This is my first Sherlock Holmes imagine, I hope you enjoy it. It takes place after the season four finale.

Sherlock Holmes, the first consultant detective and the last man anyone expected to be getting married. To be fair, he was not the same man he used to be. He had been changed by the people who loved him. The helped him evolve from a great man into a good one. Every person he met, every case he took, it all prepared him to allow love into his life. To allow you into his life. It was not easy, it was more than a simple deduction that he was used to. But after meeting you he knew that his greatest case ever would be figuring out how to be a man you could love. 

The beginning was simple, you were hired to watch Rosie on a regular basis. This led to a friendship with John and frequent interactions with Sherlock. Instead of being put off by his composure and intelligence you were in awe of it. Over time Sherlock would go out of his way to make sure the two of you would cross paths. Seeing you with Rosie, watching your face light up as he spoke, and hearing your laugh made him feel something that he didn’t understand. 

On a particular dull afternoon, Sherlock had made the mistake of asking about you. It didn’t take John long at all to figure out what was happening.

“You have a thing for my nanny,” he laughed.

“I certainly do not. High Functioning Sociopath remember. I don’t do love.” Sherlock replied.

“Keep telling yourself that Sherlock” John replied.

“I’m serious!”

“I’m sure you think that you are,” 

“John!”

“You should ask her out,”

“You are acting like a twelve-year-old” Sherlock shot back. It wasn’t like he hadn’t entertained the idea, but why would someone like you ever want to go out with a man like him. 

It would take three weeks for John to convince Sherlock to ask you out. He had to get coaching from both John and Mrs. Hudson and even then the entire concept seemed so foreign to him. That night he had met you at John’s house while you were babysitting Rosie. The two of you talked about his latest case. You knew that something was off and asked him about it. Eventually, with much rambling, he made it through his request. He stood silently over-analyzing every second before you had agreed. 

From there, things were interesting, to say the least. Sherlock had no idea how to be a boyfriend and it was very obvious. Luckily, you were patient and low maintenance. You would help him with cases when John was otherwise occupied. He would also stop in when you were watching Rosie. While your relationship was far from traditional, it worked. He may not have always picked up on your emotional needs, but he was there for you in ways that only he could be. His blunt and harsh words dimmed as he learned what it meant to love someone in a romantic way. He loved you in his own way, but it was precisely what you needed and you couldn’t imagine your life with anyone else.

The next step in your relationship was moving into 221 B Baker St. with Sherlock. He explained that it was convenient and cost-effective, especially since the two of you already spent so much time there. You laughed at his applied logic and agreed, excited to take the next step.

There was never a dull moment living with him between his experiments, cases, and friends. The longer you were with him, the more you realized he was like a grown puppy in constant need of attention and excitement. Whether it was a good day or a bad day, you were both always there for each other.

Mrs. Hudson was the first one to ask Sherlock if he was ever going to purpose to you. She had shipped the two of you since the first time she had seen you interact. She joked that Sherlock would not meet anyone else who adored his brain and was willing to put up with it so he’d better marry you or John and get it over with. He initially brushed off this comment, but it got him thinking. The two of you had never really talked about marriage or kids, that just wasn’t Sherlock and you understood that. Marriage was just a social construct, he found it pointless, at least he used to. Before John and Mary’s wedding.

He asked John his opinion on the matter which caught him completely off guard. He couldn’t believe that his best friend was actually considering getting married. He was so happy and helped him plan everything out.

The proposal, like the rest of your relationship, was nontraditional. You, John, and Sherlock were on a case together and it proved to be more unpredictable than Sherlock had anticipated. After momentarily escaping imminent danger, the three of you were trying to figure out your next move and he just let it slip.

“Y/f/n Y/l/n, if we make it out of this alive would you want to marry me?” he asked nonchalantly.

Before you could answer John spoke up, “Now?! We were just being shot at and you think now is the time to propose?”

“I’m sorry, is it not a good time? Would you rather me wait until after we get shot?”  he directed to his friend. 

“Sherlock-” John started.

“Yes,” you answered staring adoringly at the scene in front of you. This was your family and your life and you wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

“Yes, what?” John asked.

“Sherlock asked me a question, that is my answer. Yes.” you clarified.

“Really?” Sherlock asked.

“Yes, now can we figure out how to get out of here alive?” you added.

“Oh right, I have a plan,” Sherlock explained. 

“Of course you do,” John sighed not believing what he just witnessed.

That night ended with everyone making it out unscathed, the criminals in custody, and celebration of the engagement. When you made it back to 221 B Baker street Sherlock revealed the ring he had made for you. The two of you spent the next couple of months planning your wedding in-between cases, Sherlock was unexpectantly invested and excited. 

It was a relatively small gathering. You didn’t have much family and weren’t in contact with them. At the end of the day, it was John and Mycroft who was Sherlock’s co-best men, Rosie who was the cutest flower girl ever, Mrs. Hudson, the rest of the Holmes family, Molly, Detective Lestrade, and a few other close friends. Because you didn’t really have anyone else, you asked John to walk you down the aisle which he was honored to do. He later made a joke that you and Sherlock might as well had asked him to officiate the ceremony too.

You had both decided to write your own vows which were interesting. Sherlock went first pulling out his notes from his pocket and then deciding not to use them and speak freely instead. 

“I used to not believe in love. If you told me that I would be getting married I would have laughed at the ridiculous notion. I was logical and avoided emotions that would interfere with that. I never wanted the distraction that was love, furthermore, I didn’t believe I was capable of loving someone in a romantic way. But then I met you. I’m not going to lie and say that it was love at first sight or that I knew that we would end up together because it was not that simple. But over time I came to realize that I wanted to experience love and you. No matter how illogical, you had made an impact on my life and I wanted to explore that. Y/f/n Y/l/n you make me happy and complete in ways I can’t even comprehend. You make me want to be a better man, to be more like the man you believe that I am. So today in front of the people we love most, I vow to spend the rest of my with you, no matter where it takes us. The game is on.” he smiled.

“Oh my, how am I supposed to follow that?” you joked earning laughs from the others in attendance. 

“Okay, here it goes. Sherlock Holmes, you are one of the most brilliant and astonishing people I have ever met in my life. My life changed the moment I met you. You brought adventure, uncertainty, and excitement into my life. I know that there will never be a dull moment with the two of us. By marrying you, I realize that I am marrying science experiments in the kitchen, solving cases, and ending any chance that I had at a normal life which is perfect. I acknowledge that you are not perfect nor am I, but we are perfect for each other and that is what matters. You are everything that I never knew I needed and I love the person I am when I am with you. So today, I vow to spend the rest of my life reminding you who you are. I vow to be there for you at 2 am when the world doesn’t make sense and at 2 pm when it does. I vow to help you annoy Mycroft and to look after John and Rosie. I vow to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter where it takes us. The game is on.” you smiled reciting his last two lines.

The two of you exchanged rings and were directed to kiss which earned cheers from your friends and family. You quickly signed the papers and took the photos before adjourning to the reception that John had planned. It was nice and intimate. Your and Sherlock’s first dance was something that you would never forget. You had never realized that Sherlock could dance like that. The rest of the night was what you’d expect for a reception. You made it to the point of speeches and everyone took their turn. Mycroft’s was short and simple, he explained how he was proud of his brother for becoming the man he was and wished you luck as Sherlock was your problem now. The mood changed as it became John’s turn. His speech was so sincere and touching that it brought people to tears. When he completed, both you and Sherlock nearly tackled him in a hug.

As the night finished out, you and Sherlock prepared to leave on your honeymoon which was planned and paid for by Mycroft. You thanked everyone for coming and were on your way, knowing that John would see that everything was taken care of. You looked up at Sherlock dazed with how happy you were. This was easily the best night of your life. You couldn’t wait to see what lies in store for the two of you. After all, the game is on.

[inessencedevided]

The Untamed, episode 45 - watching notes

I'm at this stage of fandom rn where it's really hard to concentrate on anything else 😅

Every song I listen to gets dissected for how it relates to wangxian

I need to concentrate on my thesis but instead I'm pondering how the untamed raises questions about collectivism vs individualism and how my western perception of that might differ greatly from a native chinese person or even the author's intention

Can't I just write my thesis about THAT?

Alas, I digress ...

Back to our regular programming :D

Last time one Sophie watches the untamed wwx went all Sherlock on us and used his formidable skills of deduction to expose Backpfeifengesicht's plan of killing everyone and blaming it on wwx

I've heard from several people that the next few episodes are their favourites, so no high expectations at all :D

Nobody wipes the blood on their chins away. Might be about the aesthetic

I adore detective-duo-wangxian so much!! Especially because wwx does 99% of the talking but then lwj will chime in with a single word and it's 100% devastating :D

If anyone knows any well written case-fics for these two, please, I need recs! (For after the show)

Backpfeifengesicht makes good one point and that is that jgy already is at the top of the cultivation world. So what does he gain from all this?

Or is it simply that he's afraid of wwx because he's a rebel and might act against him? (Don't answer that. I wanna find out through the show ;))

Wwx just casually revealed that he's been to cloud recess and that he handles went to the restricted section forbidden chamber. What will you do about, Lan Qiren? Huh? 😂

Oooh! Backpfeifengesicht is the ghosted faced man! I thought it was Jiggy himself!!! 😱

That makes way more sense though!

Lan Sizhui! Jin Ling! Oh you brave boys! 😭

Someone hold me 😭

But why does he not take zidian now? He's done so before!

"You little fool!" Is "I love you" in Jiang-Cheng-speak :D

"We're done for! What can we do??" - wwx *strips*

Sorry

Bahahaha 😂😂😂

I just burst out laughing waaay to loudly for the fact that I've got people sleeping in the room next to mine

But look at Lan Qiren when he sees wwx strop to reveal anat is probably his nephew's undershirt 😂😂😂

He's probably questioning every decision that's let him to this point :D

This is completely inconsequential,but I couldn't keep quiet about it anymore because I every time he makes this motion, it always sends a shiver down my spine!!! Notice that wwx (or rather Xiao Zhan) is one of these people whose fingers bend in the opposite direction??? I know it's just a normal thing some people can do, but I can't watch it!! It makes my fingers hurt just looking at it 🙈🙈🙈

Is he turning himself into a demon lure flag?? 😱

Lan Jingyi 🥺🥺🥺

Also does wwx now just transfer his self-sacrificing tendencies to lwj?

Nothing is as hot as these two together in a fight scene

Jiang Cheng doesn't want to leave them behind. He does care! :') he just never unlearned how to unravel his love from his anger

Sizhui running up to greet his dads :')

Look at them! I'm soft guys 💔

He called him Yuan!! 😭😭😭

So this is it. Any doubts I ever had about Sizhui's identity are gone

Will he finally recognize him??

Why don't you say anything lwj? This one time, I beg you!!

Sect Leader Yao still at his gossip shit even 16 years later 🙄

Lam sizhyi is seasick! Why is this so cute! 😭

Oh Wen Ning!! He recognized A-Yuan? Right?

I want to hug Lan Sizhui for his openness and kindness towards everyone he meets, no matter their status or what other people say about them! (Wen Ning now or who he thought was Mo Xuanyu the supposed mad-man) and I wanna hug lan Wangji right after for raising him to be like this :')

Oh Wen Ning! 😭

That's how I'd look at Sizhui, too, if I met him - poor unadulterated wonder :')

And just think about what that means for Wen Ning! He's not the last of the Wens! All their fight wasn't for nothing. This child, their legacy, survived 😭😭😭

"Can I call you A-Yuan" "Of Course." God I'm gonna burst into tears 😭

I'm actually bursting into tears!!

Isn't this the dream of anyone who has ever lost someone? :')

"He's like a brother and father to me" :')

And he raised him from when he was 4 or 5? So ... A-Yuan was about 2 when the Wens died? Right? Then 5 would fit with lwj's 3 year isolation

Ob god, it's the butterfly-toy!!! 😭😭😭

Wen Nings smiling through his tears! I can't! 😭💔And he's got the one from the market!

Aww, wax isn't wearing the white undergarment anymore. Too bad

Oh poor Jin Ling ...

So much grieve that he could probably never process. There so many lost kids in this story, hurt by things they had no control over 😔

I mean, I get it. That's the person who killed his parents (without being in control, but he doesnt know that) and everyone is just talking to him as if it's normal and that didn't happen. But he can't forget,but he doesnt really understand either and he has no outlet. Of course he'd just ... crash 😥

And who would have thought I'd ever try at a flashback of Jin Zixuan's death :(

For once, it'd be nice if the adults actually acted like the parent figures they're supposed to be and explain things to their children 🤦‍♀️

I'm so thankful though, that no one even thinks of scolding him for crying. Jismg Cheng only asked who it was that made him cry (and looks like he'll kick their ass). Generally, thus show has a very healthy attitude towards tears. Most characters cry when they are faced with tragedy, regardless of gender. Men being allowed to have appropriate reactions to grieve (instead of a single men tear or just punching things) is really nice to see

Oh Yao dude whose courtesy name I can't remember, shut up!

Thanks Ouyang Zizhen! You get me

I live for these children standing up to their elders

Meanwhile Nie Huaisang is just on the sidelines, enjoying the show :D never change!

The Lotus Pier theme song alone is making me cry rn 😢

Why can't wen Ning come in?

Oh Sizhui!

He many times do you want to make me cry happy tears today?? :')

Little turnip-baby ❤

But why doesn't lwj say anything ??? 😭

Lan Wangji raised A-Yuan smong a bunch of rabbits??? 😭

Now he's a turnip baby with a taste for carrots, how cute is that? :')

Holy shit, wwx and lwj are really joined at the hip these days of lwj won't enter the hall if wwx isn't allowed to :D

Lwj 😑 "no misbehaviour"

Someone. Knows. Their. Husband.

Okay sorry, but as painful as these cuts must have been and yes, while you do see scars on this prostitute's face, they in no way warrant these horrified gasps as of they had all seen a monster 🙄

Xue yang. Fancy seeing you here in this not at all disturbing sub-plot 😬

Okay that's creepy. That's really creepy

Shouldn't Jin Guangyao have a bit more compassion for these women?

On the other hand, he was born to menacingly stand behind a curtain 🤷‍♀️

W. T. F. ????

Jin Guangshan??? o___O

That's the most skin we've ever seen on this show and it's in a scene like THIS? 😬

THIS IS HOW JIN GUANGSHAN DIED? 😱😱😱

How?

How can you die from sex?

And then jgy made them keep going?

UGH

These poor women :/

So there's someone who set her free on purpose, right?

Bicao has really interesting eyes!

Oh wait, took me some time to catch up. This is about Quin Su and why she killed herself, right?

WHAT??

They were siblings o_O

They just went full game of thrones on this ...

Hey Jin Guangshan, screw you for raping that woman

Wait, is that why jgy had him die like THAT?

I'm so confused about how that happened btw

But why would Jin Guangyao merry quin su anyway? Was this some kind of political marriage that he couldn't call off?

This episode answered some of my questions but raised about a dozen more 😅

@sweetlittlevampire @fandom-glazed @elenirlachlagos @allhailthedramallama @luckymoony @kyrrahbird @i-love-him-on-purpose

5 episodes to go. I'm both happy because I can't wait to brows the untamed tag without looking for spoilers and extremely sad 🥺

Right now I'm planning to watch one episode each day until friday and then watch the last two on Saturday, hopefully quite early, so I can spend the rest of the day crying my eyes out over it, without having to worry about such trivial things as being a functioning adult or a responsible student 😅

[yzkhr]

"You don't deserve her."

"I really don't."

"She's too good for you."

"She is."

"She doesn't want to see you."

"Yeah, I figured as much."

"She's angry you know."

"I know."

"She hates you."

"She does."

"Then why?"

It took everything in Suzuki Sonoko to not just stand up from her seat in the bench and punch him right then and there. For being too overconfident, for being unbearable, for hurting her bestfriend.

She turned over to face him, expecting to see the same arrogant look he wears everytime she sees him. Instead, what she saw almost broke her heart. It wasn't the Kudo Shinichi she knew from her childhood to teenage days. It wasn't the jerk that always seemed to know everything and boasts it at the crowd every chance he gets. It wasn't the cheeky bastard that's tends to get on her nerves. It wasn't the insesitive prick who's too interested in mysteries.

No matter how hard she stares, it just wasn't him.

What she saw was a man who had too much of this world, tired and weary. A guy who's arrogance toned down by a lot, almost non-existent. Eyes that holds the same knowledge, yet seemed to figure out how to use it. She used to think that he's a child trying to play an adult, but now? An air of maturity flutters around him, showing his tremendous growth.

They bear the same face and features, yet the teenager she's familiar with seemed far too different from the man sitting beside her.

Sonoko never thought the day would come where he'd let down his pride and masculine walls, letting anyone, letting her, see behind them layers of insecurities and weaknesses no one would ever think he possessed. It almost made her give in and tell him.

But then Sonoko was reminded of her. Her devastated form as she opened the giant doors of her mansion to let her in. Her tears that seemed neverending and just got worse as time went on. Her face that Sonoko remembered to be gentle and kind was replaced by pure anger and sorrow. Her pink lips always adorned with a beautiful smile was now turned upside down, showing a frown.

Most of all, her eyes. The Suzuki heiress had always been fond of her bestfriend's eyes. Just like how eyes were the windows of one's soul, her eyes always spoke of her feelings and emotions, all out in the open. Sonoko was accustomed of how her eyes would look like in different situations.

Eyes that would be filled with anger at the sight of a violent criminal. Eyes that shows sadness, when a heartbreaking scene plays out. Eyes that portrays loneliness, when she's eaten by the plaguing thoughts of him. Eyes that always seemed to hold love and kindness, no matter who you may be.

But now? Mouri Ran's eyes were anything but that. Empty shells thats purpose was just to see. Eyes that look shallow and superficial, as if there really wasn't anything there at all. Eyes that look lost, not knowing a single thing.

So she steeled herself, not about to give in from his change of expression. It took more than just maturity to make her cave in and risk hurting her best friend even more.

"It's been a week Sonoko. I just want to see her if she's alright."

"Well, she's not. How can she be? After finding out her boyfriend's been lying to her all this time, letting her believe they're in a long distanced relationship when he's actually living in the same roof as her."

He winced from her words, affected. She wanted to take them back but she pushed even further.

"How can you expect her to be alright when she just got kidnapped by an unknown organization without knowing a thing, only to find out the truth about you in someone else's mouth?"

"Sonoko--"

"How can she possibly be alright when she's depressed over the fact that you don't trust her the same way she trust you? Answer me Shinichi-kun, how!?"

Her scream echoed throughout the desolated park, reminding her even more how alone the two of them are. He called her, first thing in the morning, asking if they could meet. Despite not wanting to, she knew she had to, for Ran's sake.

As expected, his goal was to ask her where Ran is, since everyone had no clue besides her. It had been a week since his big revelation, a week since he last saw of his girlfriend. She knew he couldn't blame Ran though, after what he had put the girl through.

Her best friend went directly to her, asking for temporary refuge, from him or from her own emotions, Sonoko didn't know. (She had a feeling it was from both).

After hearing everything, she wanted to slap him, blame him for what he had put her friend through, but a part of her couldn't it. Maybe it was because of Ran who wouldn't want to see him hurt, or maybe it was Sonoko herself, remembering that he's still her childhood friend, knowing he had been through enough that even a slap would be too much.

"I'm sorry."

She was broken out of her reverie by his quiet answer, that if they weren't alone in this place she wouldn't have heard it.

"I had no choice. I had to protect her. If she knew, they'd go after her. They'd kill her and I can't have that. I wouldn't be able to bear that. So even if it meant lying and pretending, I had to it."

His voice was cold yet sad, carrying too many emotions for Sonoko to figure.

"But she was still kidnapped wasn't she? Even though she didn't know a thing. Wouldn't it have been better if she knew? You could have warned her Shinichi-kun. You could have told her. You could have..."

The great detective of the east froze from her counterattack but a part of Sonoko knew he was expecting her response. He had to have known that. So she doesn't understand why? Why he didn't tell Ran. It just didn't make sense.

"I was scared. Just the thought of her knowing made me fear for her life. I just wanted to protect her, more than anything else."

His voice was low, yet it hold conviction, specially for the last part. His head hung low, as if the ground was more interesting than what was in front of him.

Despite not seeing his expression, Sonoko could hear the desperation in his voice, so uncharacteristically of Kudo Shinichi.

"That's not like you, Shinichi-kun. Usually, you'd be more logical about this things."

Sonoko hated to admit it, but after years of hanging out with him she managed to figure out his personality. He was cocky and tend to be insensitive towards other people's feelings but held a person's life to the highest regard. He has an almost surreal sense of justice like Ran, and would do a lot of things just to help a person out.

But what he was known for was his intelligence. Just like his father, Shinichi was someone who relied on science and facts rather than emotions. But his answer proved to be leaning too much on the emotional side than the logical one.

He laughed and looked up, but avoided eye contact with her. His blue eyes now in Sonoko's view softened as if remembering something.

"I've never been logical when it comes to her."

She thought he would be bitter, frustrated at not getting Ran. But his voice was gentle, fondness evident in his tone. Silence enveloped the two of them. Sonoko didn't know what to say. Her anger was still there but she knew that no matter what she said, he'd still be eager to meet with Ran. And, she hated to accept it, but there was a part of her that wanted them to fix this, both for Ran and his sake.

What would Ran do in this situation? Would she forgive him? Or would she run away instead?

After a few seconds, he decided to face her. His face tinged with seriousness and determination. Blue eyes blazing but tired, he spoke.

"Please. I just want to talk to her. To explain everything. If she still don't want to see me after that, I... I won't push it anymore."

Shinichi's voice got lower and quieter as he went on, that if the park wasn't so isolated she wouldn't have heard all of them. The manner he uttered his words started firm yet ended unsure, too painful for him to even consider his last statement.

Sonoko had never seen him like this, never even imagined that there would come a day the great detective of the east would asked—begged— to anyone, let alone her. It reflected a lot of things he'd been through and just how much he cared for Ran. How much he'd be willing to give for her, even his beloved pride. Just how much Kudo Shinichi loves Mouri Ran.

As she took one more look at his visage full of painful resolution, Suzuki Sonoko made her choice.

"She's in one of the Suzuki family's resthouse. I'm pretty sure she won't let you in so,"

She tossed him the gold key for the resthouse as his faced ranged from disbelief to gratitude, dark orbs gleaming. Sonoko kept her smile, not wanting to give him the satisfaction to see how hopeful she is for them as well.

"Now go, you're such a pain. And so we're clear, I did this for Ran okay? If it weren't for her, I would have seriously just let you drown in misery. I really don't know what she saw that made her fall in love you. You're nothing but a detective geek!"

If he wasn't so intensely focused at the key in his hand, Sonoko was sure Shinichi would have rolled his eyes at her in irritation. If it was the old Shinichi at least. Instead, he gave her a thankful smile and stood up, anticipation so clear painfully clear at his every step.

Before he sprinted away, Sonoko said her final words to her him.

"Shinichi-kun, no matter how many times she'll push you away, don't give up on her okay? It's your turn to wait for her this time."

The heiress and the detective never really see eye to eye. They were polar opposites, from preference to personality. Sonoko was a social person, while Shinichi was an introverted one. She loves to talk to strangers and hang out while he prefers to be curled up with a Sherlock Holmes novel, rereading it for the nth time.

Aside from both being arrogant people, the only thing they have in common was Ran. The two had known Ran since childhood and know how naive and innocent she can be. They're also aware of Ran's selfless nature, putting others before herself. Because of that, they put it upon themselves to be the ones to take care of her, while she's busy taking care of someone else.

Even though Ran was aversed to the idea of seeing him again, Sonoko knew it was simply her best friend's defense mechanism. She was just too wounded and hurt from the events that unfolded but deep down, Sonoko knew that her best friend wanted nothing more but to be with him.

Besides, despite Shinichi's countless mistakes, he tried to make it up to Ran in the form of Conan, the very same source of all his blunders. Despite have a body that of a kid, he really tried to protect Ran with the very best of his abilities. He also tried to comfort her, whenever she's sad because of his flase absence. That was more than enough for Sonoko to consider telling.

Being reminded of all the times Kudo Shinichi saved and protected Mouri Ran, Suzuki Sonoko thought he was almost good enough for her best friend.

Almost.

[rainbowgoddd99]

♡︎Even at any moment You are always the sh*t ♥︎

Read it over and over every minute as much as you need just keep going you can it’s okay if you think you can’t you can you can you can you CAN!!!! Take it easy one by one you definitely can. If you can’t focus on your own life then try to make another’s bright even if it’s just one word you can you can be that light until you find your own. You are strong you matter.

1. We would miss you.

2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.

3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.

4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing.

5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.

6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.

7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.

8. You are amazing.

9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better.

10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead.

11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive.

12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die.

13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about.

14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me.

15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born.

16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died?

17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect.

18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again...

19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day

20. Listening to incredibly loud music

21. Being alive is just really good.

22. Not being alive is really bad.

23. Finding your soulmate.

24. Red pandas

25. Going to diners at three in the morning.

26. Really soft pillows.

27. Eating pizza in New York City.

28. Proving people wrong with your success.

29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life.

30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can.

31. Being able to help other people.

32. Bonfires.

33. Sitting on rooftops.

34. Seeing every single country in the world.

35. Going on roadtrips.

36. You might win the lottery someday.

37. Listening to music on a record player.

38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

39. Taking really cool pictures.

40. Literally meeting thousands of new people.

41. Hearing crazy stories.

42. Telling crazy stories.

43. Eating ice cream on a hot day.

44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know.

45. Travelling to another planet someday.

46. Having an underwater house.

47. Randomly running into your hero on the street.

48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel.

49. Trampolines.

50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again.

51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke,

52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more.

53. People do care.

54. Treehouses

55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse

55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees

56. I don’t even know you and I love you.

57. I don’t even know you and I care about you.

58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness!

59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor.

60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS!

61. Starbucks.

62. Hugs.

63. Stargazing.

64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is.

65. You’ve changed somebody’s life.

66. Now you could change the world.

67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you.

68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you.

69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life.

70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things.

71. Making snow angels.

72. Making snowmen.

73. Snowball fights.

74. Life is what you make of it.

75. Everybody has a talent.

76. Laughing until you cry.

77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy.

78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist.

79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down .

80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive.

81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero.

82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

83. One day your smile will be real.

84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day.

85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds.

86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends.

87. Eating crazy food.

88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one.

89. Sleeping in all day.

90. Creating something you’re proud of.

91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit.

92. Being able to meet your Internet friends.

93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate.

94. The new season of Sherlock.

95. Cuddling under the stars.

96. Being stupid in public because you just can.

97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile?

98. Being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years.

99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this.

100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen at any moment, make the most out of your life, life seems so long but short, enjoy it, do whatever you want, break a bunch of laws, travel the world, change your style, help others, do things that make you happy. Who gives. FUCK what people say or judge you about just bark at them. Have a good mindset and you’ll be ok. I love you <333333

You got this yeah that seems shallow to say but hell YOU GOT THIS you do look at you I mean you’re amazing it’s okay to not feel it from time to time but you’re important yes the hell you are fuck those voices you are important you are you matter you mean something on this world you exist the world know it you have helped so many so let them help you back now yes pain hurtsss so much it really hurts and it feels like it’s never ending it makes you not have a thing to look forward to but you know what it’s not forever it’s not I know that’s not the best to hear when you are in such pain but you can do this you can do it even if you can’t see light pretend there is one if you can’t then just laugh an laugh an laugh because one day that laugh will be real and you’ll look back an just amazing wonder just how you did it and that’s because you’re strong you are also remember these thing you are valid you are you matter and you are godam awesome you learn with everything it makes you stronger it molds you so when you find your destiny you’ll be really it just sucks with uncertainty there’s so many versions of you and each is amazing each can do this each an every one you will definitely see light again it’s coming just taking time on your path because it’s so amazed by the greatness it’s seeing and soon you’ll see just want it did you got a life you really do you got one dangg you do! It’s amazing it really is it can be tiring definitely it wears you down just know you won’t be tired forever

You will look up one day and breath and that air will be so clear

You will see just what life really is and that’s

Wonderful

Full of different experience

There’s pain

There’s regret

But there’s discovering new things

Obsessing over dumb things

Life is not horrible it’s not amazing either at then end of the day life is life it’s random an definitely unexplainable but it’s for you an only you emotions will get to you but some things need you to some things you’re there destiny and you yourself have a great destiny you got this I mean it I know you do now cry scream get mad regret do it all!!!!!!!! But know you really do got this you are strong and you YOU CAN LIVEEEE!!!!!!

Not today not tomorrow either not ever okay

You got this you have so many rolls left

You can smile

Fuck it lol if any one ever is over it just say fuck it

I made this for people that in every bodies eyes is amazing and make them feel better and people suffering with mental issues I made this for people who don’t go out enough that they are losing vitamins in there body and are causing physical damage to there body because you can’t get up in time to do normal things like pee I want you to know I know it’s not a joke I know it hurts and I know half of you suffer alone or try to do masking techniques you have been taught. Others are out there and sure there are some that try to understand and relate and that’s very nice that they try but I get that in them doing that it makes you feel more and more bad they mean no harm tho remember that they aren’t you so they have no clue what they do. There is some there just like you it’s true. You just have to find them.

It's your life fuck anyone who tries to have a say in it you all are your own main mother freaking character you all are.

[tsukidotcom]

haikyuu characters as boyfriends (hc)

this is my first time doing something like this, so it might be bad! Sorry in advance 🥺

Hinata Shouyou

If you are shorter than him, even if it’s by less than an inch, he will take that fact with PRIDE!!

He may atease you a little bit but it’s only for laughs and giggles. He knows the frustration of people constantly telling him he’s short. like, No Shit Sherlock! But it isn’t often he finds someone shorter than him, let alone being able to tease anYONE for their height.

Will try to be the best bf eva and still help with reaching the highest shelves. How? Easy! With a little bit of problem solving.

“Hinata, help me reach the top shelf!”

*will feel happy someone finally asks him for help with something he is usually incapable of doing* “Okay!”

he will either give you a piggy back ride or let you sit on his shoulders so you can grab what you want. This could either end really well or really horribly. Worst case scenario is if one of you get hurt in the process but you guys usually laugh it off!

All in all, is gonna be mega soft for you. Treat you like a baby princess. Will always spoon you!! Cuddles!!

Now, if you’re taller than him..?

Total different story.

1000% is gonna be teased by Tsukishima, Kageyama and a little bit by Tanaka. Mostly Tsukishima. But also Kageyama and Tanaka.

You might also tease for laughs and giggles. You don’t push it like Tsukishima, though.

He will use his tippy toes to give you kisses 🥺🥺

Protect him!!! At all costs!! He’s just a baby crow into the wilderness. He’ll surely appreciate you and what you do for him. He will also try protect you back (like he did for the manager kiyoko). It may not be as affective but it’s the thought that counts !!

if you take interest in helping him practice or volleyball in general he may just cry out of pure happiness. If you don’t know a clue about volleyball or how to use the ball HE WILL GLADLY TEACH YOU. IF YOU’RE EYES SPARKLE AT HOW GOOD YOUR BABE IS AT VOLLEYBALL HE WILL S W O O N. You’ll make him feel like the most powerful man on the planet.

If we talk about sleep, he‘s still going to be the big spoon. Yet he doesn’t mind being the little spoon. He likes being both! As long as you’re with him he will sleep soundly like the babey he is.

At this point, height isn’t a factor he cares about. It is all about personality!!!

Really cherishes and cares about you. He’s just a cute bean that loves volleyball. Have a lot of trust and faith in him! He wants to be the best boyfriend ever 🥺 honestly will skip a few practices for you. But you owe him!

He’s very inexperienced. He might not even know how to properly kiss yet! (he’s THAT babey and innocent). You can try to coach him a little bit. If you don’t know much, either, then you guys can work with each other without feeling like you’re doing something wrong. Because y’all don’t know what’s right or wrong. You’re in this together! KDKFK

When it comes to physical attraction he leans towards long hugs and regular cuddle sessions. He likes your warmth 🥺💖 He’ll just lay on top of you. He’s just like a weighted blanket. And he is ALWAYS open to you laying on him, too. Sit on his lap 🥺 he is gonna play with your hair. He has a little sister at home so he probably knows how to do little tricks like braids.

Going to his house for study sessions or just to hang out is sometimes nerve wracking. His little sister can be incredibly annoying and nosy. he doesn’t want her crashing into his room when he can be alone with you. But small playdates with his little sis is always appreciated because he still cares for her (yet its still kinda embarrassing). He prays everytime you come over his mom doesn’t embarrass him, either. Baby pictures? No way in hell is he gonna let you see them. THEY WOULD BE ADORABLE TO YOU BUT REALLY EMBARRASSING TO HIM. He will get really flustered.

Kageyama Tobio

Before he had feelings for you his mind was crammed with volleyball. There was no other room for anything else. But when YOU came into his life, he felt like things about volleyball was dumped far away.,, Deep in his noggin. He was getting confused about simple things and started overthinking about his movements more. His serves became less accurate/delayed. Safe to say you had an effect on his practice. He kinda got angry at you about it LMAO

Of course the other teammembers figured something was wrong with Kageyama, but they didn’t know why. He’s a very hard person to read,,, that is until he’s around you. He obviously acts differently. His cheeks become a little more pink and he stutrers his words more often. He doesn’t say anything mean to you like he does with Hinata or others. He’s more.. soft around you?? Plus he never stops staring. They INSTANTLY knew he liked you. He was always in denial but they never believed him. This was followed by countless attempts to tease Kageyama. Hinata and Tsuki really got on his nerves at those times.

Once when you guys SOMEHOW got together, he was pretty stoked about it.

Again, the only thing in his brain is volleyball. If you can’t handle him and his passion then the door is right there. Please fully support him with all you have!

He doesn’t care if you play volleyball or not. Just as long as you’re there for him. He‘ll become really bright if you ask him about it, too. Like, his eyes will sparkle and almost show more color. He’ll ramble about it for ages before getting flustered and stopping himself. You could only chuckle,, as you think he’s adorable. You can obviously tell volleyball is his passion.

Cheer him on during matches! Even though he’ll get flustered and will probably be teased by Tsukishima and Hinata, it makes him play better (he wants to look good for you ;]).

It will take a long time until he gets comftorable with you and know what’s okay and not okay. At the start of a relationship he doesn’t want to be wrong. He hates being wrong. Despises it. He wants to always be right so he can be the perfect boyfriend you deserve. So,, to not make a fool of himself, he observes you and takes mental notes of anything you say. He will try to avoid asking directly if something is good/okay, but he will ask if needed. It’ll be a total awkward mess for him but at the end of the day he cares and wants whats best for you.

He isn’t very touchy but in private he digs for cuddles. Being able to sit so close to you like that makes him head over heels for you. He’ll also die if you play with his hair. He’d act like he hates it at first but he could honestly fall asleep as you rub his scalp 🥺

In public he might sheepishly hold your hand. After some time he’ll take your hand without even thinking but at first he’s gonna be scared. ‘was it the right time to hold their hand?’ ‘did i do something bad?’ ‘what if....’ ‘but...’ please squeeze his hand as an act of reassurance. Smile at him, too. He’ll feel a little better afterwords.

With him always observing you, he can tell when something is wrong. He might be able to pinpoint what’s bothering you exactly. He’s that good. He is more of an action than words type of guy so he will purposely give you more attention. He’ll try to hint that he can tell something’s off. If you don’t get the hints he’ll finally ask if you’re okay. Will give you anything that he thinks you want or need. You want to talk about it? He’s listening. Cry on his shoulder? His arms are open. Want to distract yourself? Lets go do something. Movie? Sure thing. Eat? Already on it. Just talk about anything? Okay.

He won’t admit it but he loves seeing your smile so when that’s taken away from him he wants it fixed ASAP.

You guys will have regular study sessions. Even though he’s volleyball smart he’s flat out dumb when it comes to school work (but don’t tell him that). A nicer word would be ‘clueless.’ You’ll help him with notes and homework since you’ll probably have some of the same classes as him. He very much appreciates it. He might show his appreciation by giving you a peck on the cheek or lips (if your lucky).

He will make sure he looks good for you. Make sure he smells good and takes care of his hair a little bit more.

He will also internally freak out if he sees you wearing and smelling his hoodies or shirts. You’re so damn cute he doesn’t know how to handle it. If you ask for a hoodie he probably isn’t going to give you one so you’ll have to steal it yourself. He won’t realize it’s gone till he sees you wearing it. Then he’ll be like;

“........is that my-“

“Yep! But it’s mine now, so..”

*wants to get angry at you but can’t because you look so fucking cute with his hoodie he liteally can’t handle it*

When you two are alone he might just hug you and (if you’re lucky) pick you up off the ground because his instincts says to squeeze you and hold you tight. To protect you. He feels so much aching love for you oh my god it’s oozing out of him. And if he ever gets the hoodie back?? You already know he’s gonna wear it because it smells like YOU now! Your smell makes him so happy and calm.

when he’s in a real soft mood he’s gonna b touching you 27/4. Holding you, hugging you, cuddling you, feeling you. He loves the feeling of his skin touching yours. Like. Your skin is so soft. He’ll just bury his head in the crook of your neck and enjoy your presence. Your body. Your smell. He loves every aspect of you. And when he’s soft he always shows you how much you adore him through hugs and kisses.

And as a setter he’s real good with his fingers ;)

Tsukishima Kei

Ah, yes.

The myth, the legend.

When he first falls for you, expect for him to suddenly disappear from your sight. Despite being a smart guy he will be very confused/clueless as to why he feels the way he feels. He will think it’s a bad feeling¿ and want to get away from it as soon as possible. At first he wouldnt know it was you who caused him to feel all soft and fuzzy. But when he realized those stupid butterflies were connected to YOU??? He’s gone.

Similar to Kageyama, it hit him hard during volleyball practice. It would take more just to focus on the game. It’s harder for him to move around. He’d get really frustrated and would think this was all your doing. Another reason why he’s distancing himself!!

Obviously you’ll feel sad and think you did something wrong. He most likely wouldn’t consider what it would look like in your perspective. Probably because he thinks your doing this to him on purpose like some sort of witch or mastermind.

THEN he finds himself thinking about you EVEN MORE!! Just the thought of bumping into you again makes his heart skip a beat. He hates it.

The only way for you guys to talk about this is if you go up to him before he can run away OR yamaguchi (or someone else) realizes what’s going on and forces you guys to meet up.

Once when he settles down and realizes it’s because he fell for you there is No Way he is gonna make the first move. You’re gonna be making the first move whether you like it or not. Who cares about toxic masculinity!! Girls can ask guys out, too!

“Tsukishima?”

“hm.”

“I like you”

*chokes on water or his own spit honestly* “W Hat ?”

“i.,. i like you, Tsukishima Kei.”

MEGA RED RN BUT HE’S TRYIN TO HIDE IT. so yOU BETTER PRETEND YOU DONT SEE IT. “tch,. y-you dumbass.”

by then you probably figured out he likes you too because id he didn’t he wouldv’e outright rejected you like the asshole he is 💔 but now he’s your asshole ❤️

Like Kageyama, he believes in actions more than words. Verbal communication when it‘s about love is almost nonexistent while being in a relationship with Tsuki. It’s 👏 all 👏 about 👏 ACTIONS!! 👏

Don’t expect him to be all touchy with you, either. He isn’t much of a fan of holding hands or cuddling. He isn’t really into all the PDA. He just likes standing or being near you. Just the feeling of your presence is enough for him.

But he will sometimes kiss you either on the cheek or head. Mostly the cheek. It’s easy, fast, and subtle. If he’s REALLY in the mood he will kiss you on the lips.

During a match he doesn’t care if you’re there or not. It doesn’t hurt him if you aren’t. He knows you’re human and he doesn’t expect you to be there. But you usually are. Your presence definitely makes him more reliable in a game. He tries a little more and a little harder. He wants you to know you’re boyfriend is the best volleyball blocker on the block. When he successfully blocks a powerful spike he is FOR SURE gonna glance your way to see if you saw. Make him feel like he’s the most powerful thing in the world. He gonna get cocky as hell.

After winning a tough match in the finals/nationals he for sure is gonna feel a little pumped. If not more. You feel really happy and excited that the team won, too. So when you run around the halls to see him alone,, filling up his water bottle, you’re gona RUN up to him and hug him. And kiss him. He’ll be surprised but honestly a kiss from you is the best reward after winning a tense match. Suddenly his shoulders (he didn’t even know that was stiff) loosen. His hands explore your hips and waists. Very passionate kiss!! He likes those every once in awhile!!

If y’all get in the z o n e and just keep on kissing he’s gonna be the first to stop it. Not because he’s not enjoying it. But because he doesn’t want anyone walking in on you guys. He does things like this in PRIVATE. He’d never go down like that in a place where he could get caught.

What’s alone time like with Tsukishima? Well, you guys would probably in his room doing your own things. He doesn’t need study sessions because he’s good at school work. In fact, HE would probably be the one giving you study sessions if needed. If you have trouble on a subject he’s gonna help you, but not babysit you. He explains it once or twice and thats it. You’re kinda on your own after that. But he’s good at explaining things so it works out at the end.

He is really geeky about dinosaurs. Nothing much to it. He doesn’t say anything about it because he thinks it’s kinda embarrassing .. BUT! if you’re willing to have a full on conversation with him about dinosaurs he will be ON FIRE. He’s instantly gonna become super informative and passionate about it. Like a child. He wouldn’t mind watching documentaries with you either.

IS A MEGA TEASE. A REAL, STUPID TEASE!!!!!! He’s a sarcastic bitch so try not to take everything he says personally. This is just how he is. How he communicates and shows his affection. Although he knows he could probably go to far/get carried away. If he does you can talk to him about it. You will have to be right on as to what is hurting you because he doesn’t really grasp how his words can hurt you when he didn’t mean it.

“Kei..?”

“Yeah?”

“I...You know what you said to me a few days ago..? About ___?”

“Uhh, yeah. Why.”

“..This is stupid, but it hurt my feelings a little bit- I’m sorry I-“

“But why? I don’t actually mean what I said. So why would it effect you?”

“I know you actually don’t mean it. But... you do this all the time so it seems so real.. like you DO mean it. Even though I know you don’t mean it, it still...”

Babey probably won’t fully grasp the issue but will try to watch what comes out of his mouth. If something slips out and you show a negative reaction (you become silent, show a painful expression, etc.) he will probably say that he’s sorry. He doesn’t admit to saying sorry often because he hates being wrong (like kageyama). He probably won’t verbally say sorry when you first begin dating. It’ll take some time till he’s fully comftorable around you.

He will know what to do when you’re angry or sad because he always feels irritated. He might leave you alone because that’s what he always wants when he’s mad. If you’re sad he isn’t going to force you to talk to him about it but he isn’t gonna act like he doesn’t notice. He doesn’t really sugar coat things so he’s gonna flat out say ‘hey, you’re not okay. i can tell.’

At the end of the day he cares for you and will protect you. Make sure you’re okay :>

[ancientwastedlores]

The Support System (Ch: 11)

STORY SUMMARY: The Avengers have managed to collect all the infinity stones across the universe, and are currently keeping them in far corners of the world, only for research and to see if they can improve the planet and its people. Reader is a researcher with Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, as well as a field agent. Loki is currently serving time for his actions in New York City in 2012, and struggling to gain acceptance from the Avengers, when reader decides he just needs a PR manager of sorts.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER AO3: The Support System 

A/N: Find this chapter on AO3 here. Fic requests are welcome! 

Warnings: none

Audience: general.

______________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 11:

You walk into the dining room, where Loki is unwrapping burgers and placing them on plates.

‘Oh we don’t need that; we can just eat from the wrappers’. He wrinkles his nose at the thought. ‘We are already eating junk, we don’t need to look like it’.

You let out a horrified laugh at his statement, and he continues plating the food. 

‘So, Loki…’ you take your seat as he serves you fries. ‘Why were you looking to access my files?’

He looks at you for split second before returning his attention to serving. You wait. Once he’s done, he sits down across from you and locks eyes with you. ‘I was curious’. ‘You can ask me’. ‘You wouldn’t tell me’.

Fair enough, you think. A year in the Avengers Tower, and even Tony had very little idea about your past. You just didn’t want anyone getting too close, but Loki trusted you enough to tell you about Thanos, and you feel like you should reciprocate.

‘Fine. You can ask me five questions; I will answer them as honestly as I can’ you say. His eyes widen. ‘Really!?’ ‘Yes. And that was one, so you got four left’.

He looks hurt, and begs to have the first question back, but you refuse, laughing. He frowns and accepts it finally.

‘What do you want to ask?’ you ask, as you sink your teeth into a burger. You feel his eyes on you, but you don’t look back at him. This is awkward enough as it is.

After a minute’s pause, he asks, ‘What were you asking protection from that night?’

You now look at him, still chewing your burger. You lean back and finish chewing, then swallow. You take a sip of your coke. Then you take a deep breath. ‘I thought I was being chased by men who wanted to take something from me that was dear to me’.

Loki nods. ‘I want to ask what the thing was, but I assume you don’t wish to tell me yet’.

You smile. ‘You’re slyly trying to throw in more questions’. ‘Can’t hurt to try. Please let me keep my remaining three’.

You smile and nod, and he thanks you.

‘Where were you, in this dream?’ he asks.

These questions are oddly specific; you were expecting him to just ask what happened or something general.

‘I was in my childhood home’ you reply. Two more questions left.

Loki is taking his time now. He has started on his meal, occasionally opening his mouth to ask something, then shutting it again. You continue eating.

‘When was the last time you got genuinely drunk?’ You sigh. You wash down the fries with another sip of coke. ‘Four years ago’ you say. ‘Of course, until a few nights ago with you’.

He goes back to eating. So do you.

‘Will there come a time when you tell me everything?’ he asks finally. ‘Are you sure you want that to be your last question?’ ‘I am hoping I get five more some other time, and an indefinite amount one day. So yes’.

You look away from him, down at your plate. You’re nervously fidgeting with the straw in your drink. You again feel his eyes on you, but you’re fixated on the food on your plate.

‘You can take your time to…’ ‘I might’ you interrupt. You look up at him and he’s smiling. ‘I’m glad’ he says.

xx

‘Loki, you haven’t told us yet what you wanna do’ Tony calls to him at dinner. ‘The weekend is getting close’. ‘I’ve decided’ he says. ‘But it does take up a considerable amount of funds and perhaps preparation, so we can keep this for another weekend, perhaps next month’. ‘Money is no object’ Tony declares. ‘Well…’ he smiles at you. ‘Since everyone who went to Dubai recently and didn’t get to stay to take in the sights, I thought maybe we could go for a weekend’.

Your eyes widen, aware that you probably look like an excited child to him right now.

‘And you could be our guide’ he winks at you. ‘I know you love to teach people things’. ‘That’s an understatement’ Bruce says. ‘But I’m up for this. Guys?’

Everyone agrees.

‘It’s settled then. We finish up with Raunverkuleiki, let her go to wherever she wants to go, and then we leave for Dubai’ Tony says. ‘A weekend’s no good, though. I say a whole week’.

The rest of the dinner is people asking you questions about the city, especially how much sunscreen they would require.

‘Don’t worry’ you reassure them. ‘It’ll be quite pleasant, it’s the end of November and just glorious’. ‘Anything we should know before going there?’ Bruce asks. ‘Islamic law and all that?’ You have to admire Bruce for asking. ‘Not a lot. Only certain things, I'll hold a presentation later' you say, inviting laughs from the group. 

Eventually though, you allow yourself to tune out while everyone else is talking about Raunverkuleiki and what they’re looking forward to in Dubai.

xx

‘You didn’t have to do that’ you tell Loki, as he enters your room with the DVD for season 6. ‘Do what?’ ‘You could have made us do literally anything this weekend. Like Thor said, Stark gave you too much power. You didn’t have to ask for us to go back to Dubai’. ‘Why do you think I did it for you?’ he asks with a sly smile. ‘I… didn’t you?’ ‘No. Get over yourself’ he teases, popping the DVD in the player. ‘I just wanted to go to the tallest building in the world’. ‘Right…’ you’re a little suspicious but decide not to pursue. He gets into bed with you and hits play on the remote.

The opening credits play. ‘I’ve noticed that if Moffat writes the episode, it’s bound to be sad or terrible’ he comments.  ‘Oh, don’t ever watch Sherlock’. ‘What’s that?’ ‘We’ll watch it next’ ‘I thought you said not to watch it?’ Loki asks, confused. ‘No, don’t listen to me. We’ll watch it, and then I’ll tell you we shouldn’t have watched it’. ‘Wha…’ ‘Just go with it’ you pat his leg. ‘Now sshh’.

xx

Raunverkuleiki is now up, curiously browsing through Tony’s lab, touching everything. You’d think Tony would completely freak out and keep asking her to please sit down and not touch anything, but Tony’s too busy watching her just move like liquid. Bruce is also captivated.

So are you.

She looks as fragile as glass, but you know there’s more power in there than all the Iron Man suits put together from all the parallel universes.

‘What is it exactly you can do?’ Bruce asks. ‘She can manipulate reality. Make it rain diamonds, for example’ Vision says. ‘That’s meteorologically impossible’ Tony retorts. ‘He just said she can manipulate reality- it doesn’t have to make logical sense’ you say.

Tony shrugs. ‘Alright, how do we know you won’t go wherever you have to go and end up causing destruction?’ ‘TONY!’ you shout. ‘She says she’s going home’ Vision says. ‘Tony, can you be delicate?’ you scold him.

‘She says she isn’t meant to manipulate reality’ Vision continues. ‘Just like her sister’s purpose isn’t to manipulate Time, nor is it her sister’s purpose to give its holder Power. They only have these gifts, but ever since they were formed, they were used by others'. 

‘They used to be people’ Vision goes on, ‘They changed themselves to look like stones so they would be left alone, and have stayed that way so long, it was the only life they knew’.

You stare at Raunverkuleiki in disbelief, and feeling a little sorry.

‘Tony… the Power stone…’ Bruce starts… he looks sad, but also a little afraid. ‘I know’ Tony responds quickly, not wanting him to go on. ‘She’s asking what about it’ Vision says.

You sigh. ‘Raunverkuleiki, what is the name of your sister? The… Power?’ ‘Chikara’ Vision says. ‘Japanese now’ you interest is piqued more and more. ‘Raunverkuleiki, how is it that you are all from different mythologies?’ ‘They aren’t different’ Vision says. ‘She says they all come from Omnipotent’. ‘Omnipotent… is the same for all of them?’ ‘It is how the universe began, and it began once, in one birth, from one Omnipotent, so yes’

You are positively bursting at this point. ‘Could you please name your other sisters?’

You see Raunverkuleiki’s head cock to one side.

‘Waqt is Time...’ Vision begins. ‘Raunverkuleiki is her. Reality. Chikara is Power. Psychi is Soul. Kōngjiān is Space. Geedagte is Mind…’  

Recognising each of these words, you’re getting more and more worked up. But Vision doesn’t look like he’s done.  ‘…and Ahkka is Ego’.  

‘What?’ Tony exclaims. ‘What the hell does that mean, there is a seventh stone?’    ‘Ahkka died. Peter Quill killed him’ Vision responds.

Having the mind stone allowed him access to that sort of information too, so he wasn’t asking Raunverkuleiki all the questions.  

‘Him!?’ Bruce asks.   ‘She says it’s a good thing, he was the most dangerous and ambitious’.   ‘QUILL killed the most powerful one?’ Tony asks in disbelief.   ‘She is asking what Bruce was saying about Chikara’.  

‘Right…’ you purse your lips. ‘Thing is uh… Chikara is currently being used to power an entire camp of refugees on the other side of the world’.  

Raunverkuleiki floats over, very close to you, and it feels threatening.  

‘She is asking you to release her’.   ‘We need an alternate source of power. If you can make one, we’ll be more than happy to hand your sister back to you’ Tony says.  

The room instantly glows red, and it has become hotter.  

‘She doesn’t agree, to that’ Vision says.   ‘Oh really, I guess I misread that’ Tony says, ‘Listen Raunverkuleiki, we can’t leave thousands of children without electricity and medical facilities. If you can…’   ‘Tony, a minute?’ you interrupt.  

xx 

‘You can’t seriously tell me you’re considering letting Power go’   ‘Chikara’ you correct Tony. ‘And I did tell you these beings are not obligated to help us. They aren’t even supposed to help us, they just want to go home and be a family’.   ‘We can’t leave…’   ‘Try asking, Tony. Not demanding’ you say. ‘Maybe she would, for example, like to meet Chikara and speak to her’.

Tony glares at you. ‘What if she leaves?’.  

‘She may not until we have an alternative source’ you try to reassure him. ‘At least try’.   He sighs. ‘I don’t like this’.   ‘I know’. He shakes his head and opens the door. ‘I’m considering it, okay? I’ll see you in the lab’ he goes inside. 

Loki, who has been listening, pipes up from behind you, ‘Can I see her?’  

‘Oh!’ you jump and turn around. ‘How long have you been there!?’   ‘Since you walked in. May I see her?’   ‘Yeah, come along’.  

xx 

‘Hello, Raunverkuleiki’ Loki greets as he walks into Tony’s lab for the first time. He puts a certain amount of stress on the name, and it doesn’t escape you.

The room gets a few degrees hotter, and Raunverkuleiki goes to hide behind Vision.  

‘You didn’t tell me you were Norse. Raun, huh? Why didn’t you tell me?’   ‘She’s asking what you are doing here’ Vision says. ‘Oh I know what she says’.  ‘You know each other!?’ you gasp.  

‘Raun…’ Loki peers behind Vision. ‘It’s no use hiding behind him’.  

Raunverkuleiki steps out from behind him and stands, her body language signalling that she is embarrassed.  

‘Why didn’t you say you were Norse?’ Loki asks. ‘What do you mean you aren’t, your name is Raunverkuleiki, what does that sound to you, Welsh?... No, I don’t mind, it’s a lovely name, I just want to know why you didn’t tell me…. WHAT!?... No way…’  

You stare at Loki when he talks, and stare at Raunverkuleiki when there’s a pause, even though you have no idea what 's happening. You’re dying to know what she’s saying.

 ‘…well you could have still told me' he continues, 'it’s a little disturbing that you wouldn’t tell me given everything... Yes, I know we’re ALL, in a sense, related, but I would still like to know’  ‘EXCUSE ME?’ you shout.

 Loki looks at you. ‘Yes, we used to be a thing, get over it’.  

‘WHAT?’ you, Tony, Bruce, Vision say in unison.   ‘Hold on, Loki…’ you walk over to him, ‘Did you… literally date Reality?’ ‘Yes’.  

You’re appalled at how this is completely normal to him. But now you realise why she doesn’t want to be called Raun.  

‘So… hold on, you’re related?’ Bruce asks.  ‘Not quite’ Loki explains. ‘I mean… possibly. The truth is, these things are unclear. Omnipotent made the first gods, from which Odin and the Frost Giants came, and Raun is his daughter’.   ‘Whose daughter?’ Bruce asks.   ‘Omnipotent. He has no name’.   ‘Right… you are cousins, then?’ Tony asks.   ‘It’s not quite so black and white’ Loki smiles. He turns back to Raunverkuleiki. ‘But I am glad you’re okay. I hope you’ll be off home now’.  

Raunverkuleiki is nodding vigorously, and Loki gives her a hug, and then leaves, but not before winking at you on his way out.  

‘So after that very weird reunion…’ Tony interjects. ‘Raunverkuleiki, we will take you to meet your sister. But I do have a request’.   ‘She’s listening’ Vision says. ‘When you meet her, please discuss leaving before actually leaving. If I get a little time, I can try and find a way to power the camp without her’.   ‘She says alright’ Vision confirms. ‘She wants to go back to the statis cube now’. ‘Of course’ Tony walks to the cube and opens the door.

Raunverkuleiki runs in and curls up again. You think it’s kind of cute.

______________________________________________________________

[sambarvadai]

#7: ooh la la spill the drama sis

posted on 30 nov 2019

hi, long time no see. it’s been a hectic week. we had our drama club’s end-year-production, and i started on my internship. this post will be about my somewhat complicated relationship with theatre so buckle in for the ride! this is going to be a really long post sorry i have a lot of feelings about this

(in case you haven’t already realised this is an EXTREMELY self-indulgent blog haha)

so! four years ago (god has it been that long) when i joined drama club, i was so excited. i nearly wasn’t going to get in because i had missed the audition date, so i cried late into the night, texted my senior about it, and got the reply that no worries, audition dates had been extended due to the overwhelming response. phew. i auditioned, i said the monologue too fast that the panel was left blinking, i tried to make friends in the audition room (i don’t remember any of them). i got through. i was so happy. it was the best best experience.

my new batchmates were… interesting. they were cool. we all liked to sing at the most random times. we were so extra. now that i think about it, i haven’t actively recalled these memories in so long. i can’t remember half of them, but they must’ve been good times because i remember waking up on mondays and thursdays – drama club practice days – pumped and ready to go. the seniors were a big part of this. every practice session, they’d come in, full of energy, and dazzle us with how much they could show with one movement on stage. they taught us the basics of vocal projection (I SHAT A BABY/I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE), spatial awareness, ensemble awareness, and teamwork. they made sure to get to know us properly, learn our names, be our seniors. they were amazing.

i remember the productions we did that year. we ran around under the stairs before production, writing notes on bags and karaoke-ing, sleeping and eating. we told stories of the girl who had been crushed by the stairs, now a benevolent spirit who blessed us before every performance. we wore our shirts inside out, tags sticking out, because a senior told us our shirts had to be ALL BLACK. NO PRINT. (we later found out this was not meant seriously, but oh well.) once, we traipsed down one of the most affluent parts of town wearing our shirts like that, on the hunt for some ice to cool the drinks. my fingers froze by the time we got back to school (because there was no bag big enough to carry the ice) and i had to dunk them in running water to thaw them out. we were backstage, having the time of our lives, peeking through the hole in the curtain, mouthing alone to the lines said on stage that we had heard countless times in rehearsals. we cheered when the audience laughed. we bit our tongue so we wouldn’t curse when someone inevitably put the block down too loudly or got caught in the light. our batch was the only batch of first-years who cried when our fourth-years (the graduating batch) left, because they had made such an impact on us. it really looked like we were going to be one of the better batches.

it really looked like joining drama club – and theatre – was going to be one of the best decisions of my life, because of how much fun i had. i learnt about the processes that went behind-the-scenes, which made me appreciate every theatre show i went to after that even more. i

year 2 came, and with it, a competition that would suck out my life. for the purposes of this post, let’s call it abc. abc was a really prestigious competition – it was difficult to get into, and it was difficult to survive it. survive, meaning go through it with your sanity intact. it meant long, long hours cooped up in a corridor high up, inhaling spray paint fumes and sprawling on the dusty floor. it meant hashing and rehashing ideas and thrashing out team squabbles and pain and suffering. i mean, it was a great, character-building experience, but i’m told that i became so much of a dick during that time simply because of the stress. abc also took up much of my free time, so i couldn’t meet up with my other friends during breaks because i would always be busy.

the toil was not without its rewards, though. we got regional champs and placed 5th worldwide and won a really prestigious award for creativity, one of the few teams to ever win it in our division. but during that time, i felt nothing except passiveness (is this a word). i felt a sense of distance, that it wasn’t me who had won it. and it was partly true. toward the end of it, my enthusiasm for the competition had died down from a raging bonfire to a tiny matchstick flame snuffed out by an errant gust of wind. i just… gave up. i didn’t contribute as much. i should’ve felt guilty, but i couldn’t muster up anything.

what does this competition have to do with drama? well, because i was involved in abc, i couldn’t contribute as much to my drama club’s mid-year recital-thing. i was relegated to the props and sets team, where i met my favourite senior ever. we spent a lot of time in there, and it felt great. although all we did was just talk and do jackshit, it was fun to be in that tiny space, trying out makeup and talking about sherlock.

abc did affect my relationship with my batchmates, though. the rest of the teams in abc had my team-mates who somehow bonded with their team and loved their team, but i was the odd one out. i couldn’t connect to them at all.

fast forward to the end-of-year production, where i was in props and sets again. this time, it was slightly different because a teacher tagged along with us for every excursion we did to gather supplies and draw inspiration. that production was set in a bookshop, so we hopped around singapore looking for cool bookshops. it was fun, and i got to know that teacher a lot better. i’m still relatively close to her now. my batchmate, though, fell out with that teacher. i’m not entirely sure what happened, but it was weird.

year 3 was such a big mess, and it was wholly my fault. i was given the position of being in charge of props and sets, and i did a colossal screw-up. none of the sets were ready, none of the props were procured in time, the full-dress rehearsal was just accusations after accusations. i remember being backstage in the toilet washing up all the makeup brushes after full-dress rehearsal, and i could hear the seniors really really talking shit about me. it was cathartic, in a way, to hear everything i knew but hadn’t fully internalised. it was similar to abc, in that i had fully given up even before fighting. my rep was pretty damaged after that.

the end of year production was when things fully fell apart. i didn’t know anyone in my batch anymore (except maybe for one person?). another person whom i had been quite close to also drifted away. it was really, really shitty – there’s not much to say about it at all.

bUT. not all hope was lost. what i didn’t get in drama club at school, i found through something else. around march, i saw an online flyer for a youth-created theatre show. i auditioned. i got a part in the ensemble. and it was, hands down, one of the best decisions i made in my life. see, this online flyer was from a senior in drama club whom i had never met before, but was somehow following on instagram. so in a way, drama club was responsible for my so-called rebirth into drama.

that experience really taught me a lot. for starters, the way they handled everything was so professional. the props and sets team started work three months before the production and handpainted sets and built actual moving platforms out of wood. the publicity team actually got one of their photographer friends to take high quality photos and videos. the songs. oh, where do i start. the songs were full, a-grade broadway musical material, with motifs for each of the characters and fully realized emotional arcs. every single person working on the production was so wired and energetic and passionate. backstage felt like year 1 – all the excitement of cheering when something great happened on stage.

maybe it was god telling me to not give up on theatre so easily, to give it a second chance. maybe it was god telling me that i hadn’t lost my love for working hard to put up something on stage. maybe it was a sign that all i needed was a change of people. at any rate, i made so many new friends and learned so much about performance. it really changed me.

as i went into year 4, my final year, my feelings were mixed. i didn’t feel like a senior. i didn’t feel like i had any of the expertise or weight my seniors held when they were in our position. moreover, our drama club had merged with the chinese drama club, meaning that we had to adopt an entirely new set of practices and traditions. i kicked my year off by auditioning for the chinese new year skit. guess what? i got a main role – a chinese-speaking role.

i learn chinese as a third language, so it was really quite interesting to figure out how to perform chinese rather than just say it. all my co-actors were younger than me – a nice turn from everyone being older than me in the external theatre prod in year 3 – and it was a wonderful opportunity to get to know my juniors. sometimes, i didn’t want to go to rehearsal so much that i cried. but when i got to rehearsal, suddenly all the reservations i had went away and i fully immersed myself in the craft. being around the kids and hugging them when they felt down and cheering them up made me feel like i was properly slipping into my role as a senior. it was really a turn of fate.

of course, around end-feb, i performed for my youth theatre thing again. it still felt as good as it did the first time, and was a space for me to grow beyond just a skit performed in the school hall.

around april was our biannual mid-year recital thing, same as year 2. this time, though, i was selected for the main role (again!). i’m ashamed to say that i didn’t try quite as hard as i could have; didn’t allow myself to properly connect to my character. see, my character was a father trying to grapple with the loss of his mother, and the play was about how this affected his relationship with his daughter. it was a difficult role, mainly because he didn’t respond the way i would have if (touchwood) something happened. i didn’t allow myself to actually consider what i would do, i didn’t go down that line far enough to examine my own emotional responses and relate them to my character, because i was scared of what i’d find. anyway, the process was really rushed. we didn’t explore any of the characters’ backstories during rehearsals, which made it even harder to play them. we changed stage directions and cues barely a day before performance. the props and sets team were all super stressed. it was a mess, as usual, but we somehow pulled together in the end.

i should say, i’m really quite grateful that my batchmates (who were the directors) gave me the opportunity to be in such a big role. they trusted me to carry it off and to perform it well. i don’t know if i lived up to their expectations, but i hope i wasn’t too much of a burden on them.

next! the end of year for year 4. it was finally our turn to write, direct, produce, and act in our own play. we started the process around august, and we did shit out a script, but the script was rejected and we had to come up with an entirely new plot nine days before the performance. i was supposed to be one of the script-writers, and i did do my part in writing the first script, but the writing of the second script coincided with my chinese exam (see previous post) so i couldn’t help out much with that. i didn’t really feel an attachment toward the play, and honestly thought it wouldn’t even happen.

on the day itself, as we were rehearsing, something strange happened. i felt a bit of that wonder as we lounged backstage waiting for our scene. i felt a bit of that thrill as we gossipped about boys, same as we did in year 1. i was talking to people i literally hadn’t properly talked to in two years, and it was strangely comforting. of course, things went wrong as they always did – the transformer broke in the middle of rehearsal and we were left wondering if we would even have proper spotlights and stagelights to perform with, but it got fixed in the end. a prop was torn, but they taped it up and made it look laminated.

in the end, as we performed our play to a huge crowd who screamed, gasped and cheered for us, i felt like my journey in drama club had come to a good end. not a great end, where our batch sorted out our differences and actually hugged and was one big happy family, but an ending that we all worked for. i got notes and hugs from juniors, telling me i was a great senior, and all i could think was, ‘thank you, i don’t know what i did to deserve this.’ maybe i had grown up even without realising it.

so you’ve sat through 2.3k worth of word vomit, and you’re wondering what’s the endgame. i think the point i want to make here is this: drama was my one constant throughout the four years of my time in this school. it had seen me at my best and my worst, in all its various forms. it exposed me to an entirely new way of performing art. and for all the flaws in how i experienced it, it taught me so much, and was my safe space.

in these four years i’ve gained and lost in unequal measure. maybe i’ve lost more than i have gained, maybe i wasn’t the greatest person to be around. but in the end, i’m struggling to remember every single tiny perfect imperfection. i can’t recall so many memories, but i remember the feelings i felt. yeah, my batch wasn’t the most bonded, but on stage, we made it work. we pulled up our socks and showed the world that hey, it is possible to put something together in nine days. yeah, i wasn’t the best senior, but i was a good senior, and hopefully some people will miss me. yeah, sometimes i hated going for drama club, but that doesn’t negate all the good times i had. yeah, maybe it wasn’t the best choice of extra-school club, but it was only because of it that i was able to go for that external theatre thing that changed my life.

i’ve been learning to take my bad experiences with a grain of salt. i might’ve had shitty encounters, but they’ve led me to amazing places and great discoveries. i think that’s what i want to say – that one john lennon quote that goes: everything will be okay in the end. if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. and it did turn out okay, even if it was in a relative sense. i don’t know if i’ve articulated my feelings or experiences properly here, but i tried my best. i’ve ended my journey here, made my peace with the fact that i may not be on best terms with my batchmates, but at least we put aside our differences to work together. i had an experience, and that’s all it is.

and i’d do it all over again.

thanks for reading! anbudan, noon xoxo this post was brought to u by the 2.7k word club B))

[dean-bluesteel-winchester-spnfam]

Every question.

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?Ohhh yes ;)

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?Nope. I never saw Cassie again since I saved her more than ten years ago. Lisa doesn’t even remember me. And Robin? Nope I visit her once at the restaurant she works at but that was also a long time ago.And I mean... why would I?

3. Have you taken someones virginity?Yeah I did.

4. Is trust a big issue for you?Actually yeah. I mean I got myself a family that I trust but it was always hard for me to start trusting someone. Now when I do trust someone, then it isn’t an issue anymore.

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?‘Hang out’ heh? That’s how the kids call it today? But really, of course I do. Woke up next to him a few hours ago.

6. What are you excited for?Don’t tell anyone. Maybe christmas. Definitively for my wedding.

7. What happened tonight?Hmm. I made dinner, we watched a movie. Cas was telling me about some new facts about bees. I tried to teach him pool. He disctracted me. We went to bed ;)

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?What even is this question? Get wasted if you wanrt. Just be safe.

9. Is confidence cute?I think so.

10. What is the last beverage you had?Whiskey.

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?Eh let’s see. Mom, Jody, Donna, Ellen, Jo, Charlie, Claire, Alex. So eight.

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?Ugh. Yeah. But I never wore them. Dunno. Probably look stupid.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?Trying to teach Cas pool again. Or maybe watch a movie and just enjoy a nice day without almost dying.

14. What are you going to spend money on next?Hmmm good question. Probably pie. But I’m also eying some classes I’d love to take. So maybe.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?Oh hell yes.

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?People always change a bit. I think maybe it’s little things. I do hope to get happier. Without having to worry all the time.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?@anangelamuse-castiel-spnfam

18. The last time you felt broken?When Jake killed Mom and Cas walked away from me.

19. Have you had sex today?Not yet. Wish me luck.

20. Are you starting to realize anything?What should I realize?

21. Are you in a good mood?Yeah.

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?Honestly? I think it’d be kinda badass. But I can already hear Cas and Sammy scolding me.

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?Nope. I have no idea why my eyes turned out to be so green.

24. What do you want right this second?Cas.

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?I hate this question. If he would kiss somebody else and *wants* to be with them, I’d let him go. No matter how that would hurt.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?Yes it is.

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?I don’t think so. I mean laughing is so important and Cas makes me laugh all the time (not always on purpose).

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?Cas asking Sam why his hair looks like that.

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?Sure do. Mostly my mom. But I also miss Cas and Sammy when they are away.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?Yes.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?No. He’s my brother.

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?Yeah. I mean he didn’t for a long time, but I was brave and finally told him.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?Yeah kinda. Like really rare that I order soda.

34. Listening to?Led Zeppelin.

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?Sometimes.

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?Yeah I can hear the shower and you know what? He sings sometimes in there.

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?Ask me ten years ago, I’d say no. But when Cas came into that old barn? All powerful and hot? Maybe I got hard. But really the love came after I really got to know him.

38. Who did you last call?Charles. Invited her over.

39. Who was the last person you danced with?Cas. I just dunno grabbed him and spun him around in the bunker. I think he was kinda surprised but it was nice.

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?Because I wanted the pie he baked. No, because I love him of course. Wished him a goodnight like that.

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?Donna gave me some a few weeks ago. So good, but not pie.

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?No... they are both dead.

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?When do I not? Just yesterday I slipped in the shower and Castiel saw it while he brushed his teeth. A+

44. Do you tan in the nude?I try to tan, but it never works. I get only more freckles.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?No.

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?Yeah. Cas always talk to me to sleep, so I can shut my brain off.

47. Who was the last person to call you?Cas or Sammy.

48. Do you sing in the shower?....No?

49. Do you dance in the car?Hell yes.

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?Yeah quite a lot actually. Comes in handy while hunting.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?Oh... never actually. Or does the mugshot count?

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?Yeah. But I like them anyway.

53. Is Christmas stressful?I have no idea? I just sounds nice.

54. Ever eat a pierogi?No.

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?Everyone thinks it’s apple. And while I kill for apple pie, cherry is even better.

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?After that with Mom, I wanted to be a firefighter. Also loved to be a mechanic or... have a bakery.

57. Do you believe in ghosts?Ha. yes.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?Yeah and I hate it.

59. Take a vitamin daily?No?

60. Wear slippers?Yeah.

61. Wear a bath robe?Also yes.

62. What do you wear to bed?If Cas fucks the lights out of me, nothing. Otherwise he got us soft pajames, because apprently it’s not good for me to sleep in jeans.

63. First concert?Small town band I forgot the name of. I sneaked out when Dad was sleeping and got wasted. I can still hear him screaming at me next morning, cause he thought a monster got me.

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?I don’t care.

65. Nike or Adidas?Neither?

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?Cheetos.

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?Peanuts.

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?What? I don’t have a... okay it’s ‘Shake it off.’

69. Ever take dance lessons?No - but when I was young I wanted to... I just.. well maybe I should take some before the wedding, right?

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?Oh. Not really, I’m just happy if they are happy as well.

71. Can you curl your tongue?Yes.

72. Ever won a spelling bee?No.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?Yes.

74. What is your favorite book?Sherlock Holmes.

75. Do you study better with or without music?With.

76. Regularly burn incense?No.

77. Ever been in love?Still am.

78. Who would you like to see in concert?Led Zeppelin. AC/DC. Elvis...

79. What was the last concert you saw?Can’t remember their name.

80. Hot tea or cold tea?Hot.

81. Tea or coffee?Coffee.

82. Favorite type of cookie?Chocolate.

83. Can you swim well?Yes.

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?Eh yeah.

85. Are you patient?Not really. Which is not a good thing.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?Band.87. Ever won a contest?Yeah once I won an eating contest.

88. Ever have plastic surgery?Nope.

89. Which are better black or green olives?Ew. None.

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?Everyone can do what they like. I wish I hadn’t waited for marriage but maybe for the right person.

91. Best room for a fireplace?Living room. Or my Dean cave.

92. Do you want to get married?Yes.

[starting-today-you-are-a-writer]

WICKED SAINTS

1.5 stars out of 5 stars

 Summary: Kalyazin and Tranavia have been at war for untold decades, owning to a religious/magical feud where one side claims the other heretics and the other side invaded them for…power? A young woman, Nadya, blessed with powers by the gods flees when her monastery is destroyed by the warrior prince of a nation she is at war with. Running, she bumps into a mysterious blood mage, Malachiasz, and together the two of them plot to end the war between their countries.

 Overall:

 When I first opened the book, it seemed promising. Different viewpoints, an interesting magic system, the main character fleeing everything she had ever known to begin an adventure in the wider world.

 Except the book promised a fearsome cleric, an in depth look at monsters and a prince. And it only delivered on one of those things. Perhaps I was expecting the monsters or villains to be in the vain of Vicious (by VE Schwab) or even ala Forest of a Thousand Lanterns (by Juile C Dao) where characters with understandable motivations but dark ambitions and flaws ultimately struggle with their monstrosity and lose.

 Alas, this book did not even deal with any struggling of monstrosity, or even deal with the concept of monsters outside of “looks like a literal monster” and “betrays people.” But didn’t even examine whether or not “looking like a monster” was necessary or sufficient to be one.

 Not to mention, the cleric wasn’t fearsome, her actions felt contrived and very few characters in the entire novel actually had any clear motivations. The book felt very much like things happened because they were supposed to, instead of because that’s what the characters wanted or would have done. Not to mention the main romance was nonsensical. Sure, there’s enemies-to-lovers. This was not it. It was more like enemy lovers, except not one reason was ever give as to why this guy was appealing, and nothing about him was ever shown, only sometimes told, if that. Nadya felt drawn to her love interest Malachaisz, but not for any reason. Overall the book started strong but fell flat, and felt contrived and unable to hold my suspension of disbelief for even minor events.

Dislikes

Nadya and the Love Interest (Malachiasz)

I could write an essay on the problems here but the basic problem is that Nadya has no motivations, reasoning or rationalization for anything let alone for her attraction to her love interest Malachaisz. She meets him, decides she wants to kill him for being an evil blood mage, but then decides she doesn’t. She had already killed several Tranavian soldiers by this point, many weren’t evil blood mages and none of which brutally betrays her.

 Does she perhaps look at Malachiasz like many a lovelorn hero and think “what measure is a man or a demon? Can I really strike down someone who has not wronged me? Can I lift my blade and execute someone who may be innocent? And how to I think of innocence? He has fled from Tranavia, from a life of evil, is that enough? Is it enough to forsake his country for its evils if he does not embrace the gods? Would he change if only he knew the gods? Do Tranavians even have the chance to know them? With mercy could he change?” Nope! Not only are none of these things thought of, now only are no rationalizations provided for her feelings, but she does not even consider any of those points when she thinks of him or evil. She doesn’t consider his past and how he might have been tortured or not like the ability to use his powers. She doesn’t consider that all heretics are not evil. She doesn’t consider that people can be redeemed. No. Not once does she spend even one second trying to figure out a reason why she doesn’t want to kill him even though she has killed before. She ignores all those things, insists that he is evil and a blood mage and …. doesn’t want to kill him. For some reason.

 Does she even think “wow, with his pretty eyes, and his kindness towards me and his banging body, maybe, I mean, the monastery was very chaste but….”  Does she think this and let her romantic heart speak for her? No. And she doesn’t think this because 1) nothing in his description seems attractive or like she is supposed to find it attractive 2) he is not kind to her. He is not nice to her. He is just mean to her (thought not cruel) 3) the times that seem like they might have sexual tension are always tied up inextricably in violence. But there is no OTHER aspect to him that might seem attractive to her EXCEPT the threat of violence. What I mean by this is she occasionally reflects that he looks sad, or is sad, but there’s no real textual evidence. In the same what that just saying a character is sad when they are laughing, and running about, glib, and seem happy, does not make them sad. So all other aspects of his character ring false EXCEPT that he is violent or has the potential to be. So her only reason to be attracted to him is…that he is violent? Gross.

 Now, likely he was supposed to have other, likeable qualities. But he does not. This is a problem with the characters themselves. Their character traits are often told instead of shown. His actions are almost always glib and argumentative and he really doesn’t take any other actions that that. He does not even rescue a lost dog from the rain as a token gesture of god will. And Nadya despite claiming that he might be lost, does really extrapolate or explain or provide any evidence or think about that. For instance, she could try to Sherlock Holmes his situation and realize he must be sad. But she does not do this. She seems to regurgitate these things like she has another magical power of empathy and can actually read people’s emotions in their heart instead of on sad expressions or through actions, but she does not ever give evidence for her thoughts, opinions or rationalizations for anything.

 In short, their relationship reads like the worst kind of Insta Lova/compulsory heteronormativity, even thought I know this was not the intention of the author. However, Nadya seemed to fall for him just because he is THERE and every time she says anything about him, it seems completely unbelievable, because there’s no textual evidence for it, and ever time she says that she likes him or doesn’t want to kill him it’s just WHHHHHHHHHHHY? Is it “Half of her wanted to kill him, but he was still a person… [insert moral quandary here]” NOPE, we don’t get that. It’s just “half of her wanted to kill him, but half of her didn’t. What were they having for dinner again?” but WHY didn’t she want to kill him? Personal goals and motivations are not things that you withhold form the reader to be clever, they are basic components of characterization.

 This lack of interior reasoning goes beyond just her relationship to this character. Even her plans and actions seem to change without reason. She had a plan. She meets Malachiasz and immediately agrees with his plan to kill the king of her rival country. But why? Does she think it will work? Does she spend one second considering the merit of the plan? Does she try to think of another plan? Does she ask him to elaborate on this? NO. She does whatever Malachiasz says. She sacrifices principles of herself, she does X and Y and Z and there never really feels like a reason for 90% of it. She’s surprised when she gets betrayed, but since she had not reason to trust anyone (she did not posit a reason in her internal monologue for trusting them, let alone have this be supported by the actual actions the characters take!), it falls flat. Her reactions and failure fall flat, because it’s never clear why she has to be doing what she’s doing, what’s at stake if she’s not doing that, why she couldn’t do something better, or why she thinks it’ll work.

 It really was a slog to get through her sections sometimes because there very few scenes where I cared about the stakes because the series of events themselves felt arbitrary.

 Minor Characters and Otherness

The minor characters and plain, forgettable, have no real character or personality traits and clearly serve as props to make whatever point, or facilitate whatever outcome, is supposed to happen at any scene. This becomes very transparent. The characters from the desert country Akola are constantly referred to as Akolans instead of their names even when their race has no point in the scene, and they only exist to like the main Love Interest Malachaisz, but no reason is give as to why they like him, what they want, or their goals or agency. So not only are they flat props to make the Love Interest related and sympathetic, they are also heavily Othered. Not to mention another minor character, Ana, is presented as a Strawman who’s only purpose is to dislike the Love Interest for No Reason so that he seems more relatable and agreeable in comparison. Again, do these characters have motivations? Thoughts? Goals? Personality? No.

 Worldbuilding

In the beginning I felt the world building was fairly good. Each country has distinct language and naming conventions. The differences between the countries respective magic systems seemed intriguing. But as the story went on, not much is learned about Kalyazin other than what was learned in the first few chapters, and only a scattered detail or two is learned about Tranavia. What do they eat in Tranavain? How do they dress? Fine silk? Heavy furs with flower patterns? What are their values outside of blood magic?

The author continuous repeats that Kalyazin is based on fantasy Russia and Tranavia on fantasy Poland but in the novel there feels like no real effort to elaborate and expects the reader to fill in world building with real world Russian or Polish culture. Perhaps that wasn’t her intention, but it comes across that way when no real details about the culture are give outside the very one note religious differences.

 Religion

Speaking of the religious differences, this was something else I thought was interesting at first but quickly disappointed me. The religion conflicts starts off with Kalyazins claiming that magic should come from the gods and that using blood to fuel magic (like the Tranavians do) is heresy and terrible. However, the main character Nadya, never explores this beyond using it as a talking point. Why would it be considered terrible? Because accessing magic is holy and to do so without it being holy is bad? There is something said about how Tranavia is also bad for rejecting the gods, but what really bothered me was that the main character never really thinks deeply about these things. She never examines what she thinks is bad, or what her thoughts are on the war and the gods. She only repeats what she had been told and makes it clear she is doing so, providing no real analysis on her own. For all that she is claimed to be empathetic she does not actually empathize and consider the other position.

 It’s fine for characters not to know something, but if you’re a cleric, you would think you’d spend some time contemplating the morality of what you are doing. Moreover, as the novel progresses Nadya comes into more and more contact with blood magic, but her analysis of the situation never changes, she never stops to think “is it possible for someone to use blood magic if they aren’t evil?” or “is it truly doing evil if you aren’t aware that it’s evil?” Instead, it seems her views seem to shift but there’s no corresponding rationalization or thought as to why. Rather than Character Development it feels more like her Character just slips into something else. This is a recurrent problem with Nadya, but it was something that bothered me on a larger scale. Lip service is paid to characters having different viewpoints on this issue but nothing is ever developed from it.

 Notes on Confusion

A lot of people had complained (I think) that they found the ending confusing, to which the author said that something things were supposed to be confusing. In general I agree that books don’t have to answer every question raised. The magic system didn’t have to be completely explained.

 However the end was confusing in that the prose was literally unclear. The blocking and actions taken by the characters were unclear. It wasn’t “Wait! But I never learned why this happened! How does the magic work! Why would he betray them!” unclear. It was “Wait, is he still in the scene? When it says he “flies up” is he leaving this location or hanging around near the ceiling? What does this sentence mean?” confusing. It was difficult to follow the sequence of events without multiple rereading of lines, and even then it was unclear as to why the characters were taking certain actions. Not in a “why does the character not betray X” sort of way but more in the “wait, what is he trying to do? Is he trying to kill X? What does he think killing X will accomplish? Why did he even come back here? Does this benefit him? What does he think will happen?” the problem is that, when you don’t understand the characters goals/thoughts, it’s hard to know if they are succeeding or failing at them, so the conflict wanes immediately.

 Likes

Serefin

Unlike possibly every other character, Serefin had clear motivations, goals, and things at stake. His life was at stake if he didn’t figure out what going on. His goal was to figure out what his father was doing, and to thwart it and live. Boom. A dynamic character. Throw in interpersonal conflict with him being traumatized from a war but now being forced to act in court and you have someone who actually has stakes in most scenes he’s in, who’s actions are logically derived from what he wants, and who makes progress towards his goal. A good character, a likeable character. One who can be funny, but with flaws.

 Magic System

The idea of two different magic system did seem interesting to me. I’ve always liked the idea that there were different ways to use magic and of course there was room to have rife interplay of how magic actually worked, how people accessed it, what that meant, etc etc

[writinggeisha]

LazyGeisha's Note: I'm putting the text under the "read more" due to explicit words being used. If this post becomes a problem, I'll stick it all up on Google docs and post a link.

**Updated in 2017**

My name is Quinn Anderson, and I've been writing smut for over ten years now. I'm also a published author. I've written the Murmur Inc. series and several other LGBT+ erotic novels, which you can find in the references section, and I've been an active member of fandom since childhood. Now that my entirely unimpressive credentials are out of the way, let's get to the point.

·                     A friend of mine recently told me that she has difficulty writing smut, because she feels like she's being repetitive or boring or that she just can't create the right mood. To help her, I agreed to put together what I consider to be the building blocks of writing erotic fiction, both heterosexual and homosexual. This is a comprehensive list that she (and now all of you) can consult when you're writing if you can't think of a word/feel like you've said the same thing over and over/just want to get some fresh ideas.

·                     This article is free for everyone to consult, and there's absolutely no need to credit me if you use something from this list. Most everything on here is fairly common, and an experienced smut writer will likely recognise everything here. I've attempted to categorise it neatly for easy reference, and some things are mentioned in more than one section because they are equally applicable. I also have a tendency to switch tenses/perspectives, depending on the wording, so hopefully that won't annoy the dickens out of most of you. If you think of something I missed and want me to add it to the list, please don't hesitate to leave a comment.

·                     Disclaimer: I am no way trying to give the impression that I know everything there is to know about writing smut. Literotica is an ever-evolving beast, and I just want to help my fellow writers. I give some general advice at the end that you're absolutely free to ignore. I'm not trying to suggest that anyone who does the things I warn against is a bad writer, nor am I attempting to criticise anyone (except perhaps E.L. James. We'll get to that). If I at any point give that impression, please let me know, and I'll change my wording. However, please keep in mind that this is a FREE resource intended to help others, and I'm under no obligation to anyone but myself.

All further notes/comment from me will either be in parenthesis or marked with an *.

Table of Contents

(to reach any section, use the control and f keys, then search for the heading)

i. Introduction

ii. Reaction Words

iii. Adverbs

iv. Sexy Alternatives to "Said"

v. Generally Sexy Actions

vi. Kissing

vii. Blow Jobs

viii. Cunnilingus

ix. Penetrative Intercourse

x. First Times and Losing Virginities

xi. The Orgasm (.:chorus of angels:.)

xii. Generally Acceptable Slang Terms

xiii. Feelings When Aroused

xiv. Sexy Words

xv. Things that Sound Good Until You Imagine Someone Actually Doing Them

xvi. Some Dos and Don'ts of Smut Writing

xvii. References

i. Introduction

If you read/write fan fiction for long enough, certain ideas, tropes, and terms will get ingrained in you. For instance, in nearly every fic I've ever read, when characters kiss, one of them gasps, and the other "uses the opportunity to slip their tongue into their mouth" or some nigh-identical variation. Also, in nearly every porn fic, when one character orgasms, the "feel of their muscles clenching/pulsing" pushes the other character "over the edge." Sound familiar? We've all done it. We've all written it. Hell, I'm guilty of half the things on my Don'ts list, and I'm comfortable with that. Does the ubiquity of certain fan-fictiony phrases make them bad? Not at all. Should we all be trying to find new ways of saying the same ideas? Maybe. Maybe not. I like to think that these classics are simply one of the steps we all use to convey certain ideas in a way we know everyone will understand. I'm not attempting to denounce creativity, and certainly it's always a good idea to introduce new ideas, but we all need to start somewhere. That's the true purpose of this smut-writing guide.

When my debut novel was published, I had a lot of fan fiction habits violently beaten out of me. I had to remove about a dozen adjectives for "eyes" that bordered on absurd but seemed like a marvellous idea at the time, and I was forbidden on pain of death to ever use the phrase "ministrations" again. I also unwittingly changed my main character's name from "Nik" to "Nick" halfway through the novel. That, however, was not the worst of it. Let me tell you that there is nothing more embarrassing than going through your raw manuscript, reaching a sex scene and seeing that the editors ripped the ever-loving piss out of it. Having the anatomical impossibilities of your seemingly mind-blowing smut pointed out is enough to make even the most hardened of hard-core-porn writers cringe. It's even worse when you misspell the word "public" in a truly unfortunate way (hint: I forgot a letter), and it leads the editor to say, "This made me laugh so hard, my cat got up and sprinted out the room in a panic." I'm not here to do that to you. I'm here to try and keep someone else from doing it to you to the very best of my ability. Enjoy, and may the smut be with you.

ii. Reaction Words

·                     Shivers

·                     Shudders

·                     Trembles

·                     Quivers

·                     Quakes

·                     Shakes

·                     Gasps

·                     Moans

·                     Groans

·                     Jolts

·                     Jerks

·                     Lurches

·                     Startles

·                     Pants

·                     Huffs

·                     Gulps

·                     Cries out

·                     Melts

·                     Bites back a moan

·                     Breath hitches

·                     Babbling/sputtering

·                     Collapsing

·                     Knees buckling

·                     Swallowing hard

·                     Going limp

·                     See stars

·                     Makes a strangled noise

·                     Inhales (combine with an adverb i.e "he inhaled sharply")

·                     Exhales

·                     Skin prickles

·                     Brain short-circuits or stops functioning

·                     Sweating (there's loads to be done with sweat: the musky smell of it, tasting the saltiness of it, seeing a lover coated in a thin sheen of it, having it slick their bodies, etc.)

·                     Flushing (Flushing tends to happen in fleshy and sensitive areas. Armpits, cheeks, neck, ears, chest, genitals, and whole-body flushes for maximum effect)

·                     Eyes roll back

·                     Clenches

·                     Is stunned

·                     Gagging for it

·                     Dizzy for it

·                     Arch back/hips

·                     iii. Adverbs - Use these with prudence. An abundance of adverbs in a text can weaken your writing.

·                     Shakily

·                     Heatedly

·                     Desperately

·                     Incoherently

·                     Roughly

·                     Raggedly

·                     Headily

·                     Readily

·                     In a Needy way

·                     Deeply

·                     Breathily

·                     Noisily

·                     Loudly

·                     Heavily

·                     Dangerously

·                     Seductively

·                     Languidly

·                     Lazily

·                     Sensually

·                     Silkily

·                     Oily

·                     Hungrily

·                     Sinfully

·                     Darkly

·                     Warmly

·                     Softly

·                     Gently

·                     Tenderly

·                     Harshly

·                     Lusciously

·                     Quickly

·                     Slowly

·                     Frantically

·                     Wantonly

·                     iv. Sexy Alternatives to "Said"

·                     Purred

·                     Cooed

·                     Murmured

·                     Whispered

·                     Stuttered

·                     Breathed

·                     Rasped

·                     Cried out

·                     Begged

·                     Muttered (I'm not a fan of this one because I associate muttering with being angry, but I see it often enough)

·                     Growled

·                     Grunted

·                     Husked

·                     Howled

·                     Keened

·                     Mewled

·                     Choked

·                     Sobbed (dub-con warnings; use with caution)

·                     Whimpered

·                     Blurted

·                     Bleated (I like to use this for comedic effect)

·                     Teased

·                     Pleaded

·                     v. Generally Sexy Actions

·                     Sinking to their knees

·                     Licking

·                     Biting

·                     Nipping

·                     Pressing foreheads together

·                     Shoving a hand between someone's legs

·                     Shoving your hips together

·                     Pinning their wrists

·                     Caress

·                     Wink

·                     Wet/lick lips

·                     Hike a skirt up/ruck a shirt up

·                     Stroke (skin, hair, genitals, etc.)

·                     (when one character is pressed against a wall) A does something, and B slams/throws their head back into the wall in reaction.

·                     Undoing buttons/zips with their teeth (I suggest only having experienced lovers do this. It's remarkably difficult and you run the risk of getting your lip caught in a zip. It's not something to have a virgin get right on their first time in fiction if you want to be believable).

·                     Splay hands across someone's chest or lower back

·                     Rake nails across skin/through hair

·                     Hooking a leg around someone's waist

·                     Knee between thighs

·                     Biting collarbones/hip bones/ribs (the bones that tend to protrude beneath the skin and draw it taut)

·                     Sucking neck skin into the mouth

·                     Cupping their cheeks

·                     Grasping their chin and tilting it up/down

·                     Placing a finger against their lips

·                     Letting breath tickle their ears

·                     Digging your nails in

·                     Dipping your tongue into collarbone/bellybutton/ears/etc.

·                     Tugging on earlobes with teeth

·                     Push their hair back/card through it/rake through it

·                     Hair pulling

·                     Lips brushing ears

·                     Ghosting over their neck with fingers/lips

·                     Running fingers lightly over someone's palm or wrist

·                     Hip grinding/rutting/thrusting/rolling/shifting/rockin g together

·                     Dirty Talk (this can be anything from a simple "Oh, God, yes" to a full-on "I want to feel your name burning on my skin for days*." I suggest loads of cursing and using the lord's name in vain. "Oh fuck, oh, Jesus, fuck yes, there, just like that, fucking Christ" is a good start.)

·                     Nipple play (Use caution depending on gender. Some men love it, some hate it, the majority of women love it)

·                     Nuzzle

·                     Tease/torture/torment

·                     *Credit for that line to a Sherlock/Moriarty fic called "Crescendo" by PlainJaneDoe. It's amazing and a prime example of dirty talk. 10/10 Highly recommend. It's listed in the References section.

·                     vi. Kissing

·                     Lip play – biting, running your tongue over the lips, over where they meet, just inside of them, tracing their outline with the tip of the tongue

·                     Massaging the tongues together

·                     Rolling them over each other

·                     Imitating sex/fucking the person's mouth with your tongue

·                     Brushing lips together

·                     Pausing when lips are just barely touching and breathing each other's air (can cause dizziness akin to sexual arousal)

·                     Sucking their bottom lip into your mouth

·                     Bruising/crushing/kissing hard

·                     Teeth clicking

·                     Sucking on the tongue

·                     Swirling your tongue around theirs

·                     Flicking your tongue (also for oral sex)

·                     vii. Blow Jobs

·                     Reddened lips

·                     Swollen lips

·                     Slick

·                     Sloppy

·                     Lips darkened and wet with saliva

·                     Making eye contact

·                     Hollowing cheeks

·                     Swirling tongue

·                     Gently, gently biting or scraping teeth (quickest way to make a man cringe is to mention biting his thing, so please exercise with caution)

·                     Dipping tongue into the slit

·                     Fucking someone's mouth (for the receiver of oral)

·                     Deep throating (for experienced lovers, usually)

·                     Playing with balls

·                     Rubbing the perineum* or frenulum**

·                     Swallowing around it

·                     Engulfed in wet heat

·                     Pulling the foreskin back to expose the head

·                     Using hands and lips together

·                     Suction

·                     Pressure

·                     * The perineum is an erogenous zone for both males and females. In males it's the stretch of skin between the balls and the anus, which is receptive to massage. In females, it's the area between the vulva and the anus.

·                     ** The frenulum is a band of tissue under the penis that connects to the foreskin, which some men find sensitive.

·                     And then just for general knowledge, the glans is the head of the penis, or head.

·                     viii. Cunilingus (Female Oral Sex)

·                     Lapping

·                     Playing with the woman's wetness/juices

·                     Fingering (make note of finger nail length. Long fingernails need to be careful)

·                     Parting the lips

·                     Flicking your tongue

·                     Flower comparisons (these are an old cliché, but you can refresh it a bit if you avoid the usual)

·                     Fleshy pink (red and occasionally purple are also acceptable colour comparisons)

·                     Delving the tongue in

·                     Playing with the inner thing

·                     Using synonyms for the clitoris should be done with caution. Some like "button" and "nub" are commonly accepted, but if you say "pleasure button" or "Southern nipple", you may get some sniggers.

·                     ix. Intercourse (Anal* and Vaginal**)

·                     Sinking into someone/down onto a cock

·                     Riding – descriptions of bouncing breasts for females, working thigh muscles for both, watching the man's cock disappear into their body

·                     Pulling hips down harder

·                     Digging fingers into their shoulders/chest/hips/back

·                     Setting a pace/rhythm – losing that rhythm as climax approaches

·                     Getting seated

·                     Buried in a person

·                     Snapping/slamming/pounding hips

* There's a LOT of debate about the "proper" amount of preparation needed before anal sex. Some people insist you can just go for it, while others (myself included), think those people are ruining anal sex for everyone else. I've had loads of female-identifying friends of mine say they tried anal once and hated it and will never do it again. This is almost the result of people who don't know what the hell they're doing. IF YOU'RE READING THIS, STOP IT. STOP PUTTING DICKS AND SEX TOYS IN THINGS WITHOUT LEARNING TO DO IT PROPERLY. DO A DAMN GOOGLE SEARCH ON HOW TO PREPARE FOR ANAL.

I could write a whole article on this alone, but for the sake of brevity, I'll break it down: before anal, 1) you need to clean out your ass, 2) you need to use lube, and 3) some people say you need to get your ass used to taking penis-sized objects. Personally, I think fingering/rimming will do just fine, but literally everyone has a different opinion on this. On a personal note, I think writing preparation (lubing up, fingering, etc.) can be really hot. I'm not sure why people shy away from them, thinking that it "kills the mood." Just deciding who does the preparing can be hot. Does Person A prepare Person B for hours, until they're begging for it? Or just until they can take it without being hurt because they're so desperate to fuck? Or does Person B insist on preparing themselves, letting Person A sit back and watch them finger themselves? There are all sorts of sexy possibilities.

Also, let's talk about appropriate lube. I have read some absolutely horrific fics where people used inappropriate, unsanitary things as lube. Butter is not lube. Soy Sauce is not lube. Candle Wax is not lube. No, I am not kidding when I say I have actually seen these things in fic. Please don't do that to the characters. Some of us love them deeply.

** It's important to note that both the G-spot and the clit are involved in female orgasm (and are tied to one another. Stimulating the G-spot stimulates the clit), so a number of women like to stimulate their clit while having penetrative sex to facilitate an easier climax. You can add this for a bit of extra realism—or just for the sexiness of it (Blythe, M. J., Rosenthal, S. L., & American Academy of Pediatrics, 2007, pp. 1335-1337).

It is also important to decide if you are going to mention safe sex practices in your fic (you should do this for oral sex as well, since you're just as likely to get STIs from oral sex as penetrative, though you can't get pregnant). I'm personally in favour of mentioning getting checked for STIs and using condoms in fic. I think it's important to mention these things so people start thinking about them/recognising the issues of unplanned pregnancy and disease. However, the counterargument is that this is fantasy, and obviously fictional characters can't get pregnant or diseased without the author writing it. It's up to you, but in the interest of realism, I highly suggest you at least have the characters have a conversation about why they're not using condoms, such as "Here's my bloodwork. I'm STI free. By the way, I'm on the pill." Not that flippant, obviously, but hopefully you get what I mean.

x. Writing First Times and Losing Virginities

First Times can be a mixed bag. Sometimes they're pure, animalistic, I-must-throw-you-down-and-fuck-you-right-now humping sessions, and other times they're slow, tender bouts of lovemaking between two characters who have been building up to this moment for 356 pages. Either way, they can go horribly awry. It will be more realistic if the characters fumble a bit or spend time learning each other's bodies. No one is magically endowed with a perfect knowledge of their partner's sexual likes and dislikes, so let your characters experiment. Have fun with it. Whether you go for the hard fuck or the candlelit seduction, a first time should have a sense of reverence, if not in canon than in your writing. Draw it out. Don't be shy with the foreplay. Have someone come too early and then spend their refractory period ruthlessly pleasuring the other until they're ready for round two. You really can't go wrong.

For vaginal sex, if the woman is a virgin, please refrain from pulling a Fifty Shades of Grey and expecting there to be anything as ridiculous as a "weird, pinching sensation deep inside [you]", and it is not possible for someone to "rip through [your] virginity" (James, 2011, p. 101). Also, for the love of God, if you ever make your characters feel anything of the sort, do not have them shout "Argh!" as it happens. I've never face-palmed so hard in my life. Losing your virginity can hurt, yes, and there can be blood and the breaking of the hymen, but if you are properly lubricated and take your time, there is no reason for these things to occur (Brion-Meisels, S., Lowenheim, G., Rendeiro, B., 1982, p. 157).

- For anal sex, if you think a character can take a 12-inch cock with minimal preparation on the first go and experience nothing but soul-sizzling pleasure, you are mistaken. See "Intercourse."

·                     xi. The Orgasm

·                     The Earth stops spinning/stutters on its axis

·                     Dissolve into pleasure

·                     Lightning

·                     Electricity

·                     Waves (overdone, but you can jazz this one up if you try – i.e. waves of fire instead of the usual)

·                     Explosions

·                     Shockwaves

·                     Rippling

·                     Trails of fire

·                     Fire pooling low in their abdomen

·                     A spring coiling tightly and then being release

·                     Fireworks (please only use this sparingly. It's the oldest term for kissing/pleasure/etc. in history)

·                     Light – white light in particular, or everything cutting to white noise

·                     Vision fading to black

·                     Static

·                     Shattering

·                     Splintering

·                     Pulsing (also feeling someone pulse whilst inside them)

·                     Time slows

·                     Falling

·                     Flying

·                     Rocketing

·                     Going still/tense

·                     Jerking

·                     Vocalisation in any form

·                     Moaning a mixture of curse words and their lover's name

·                     xii. Generally Acceptable Slang Terms*

·                     Clit

·                     G-spot

·                     Cock

·                     Dick

·                     Prick and Fanny for the Anglophiles (penis and vagina)

·                     Slit (male and female)

·                     Entrance

·                     If you want to channel your inner porn star you can say cunt, pussy and hole.

Cum or come (I have seen ragging debates about which one of these should be used, but really it's either)

* There are some slang terms that are generally accepted but should be used with a grain of salt. These usually have to do with genitalia, like saying shaft, rod, manhood etc. for penis and mound, core, cave, tunnel etc. for vagina. It's sort of an odd line, because using clinical terms like penis in fiction can be just as jarring as using vague terms like cavern for vagina. It took me until I was 19 to finally say the word "cock" in fan fiction, and I still sometimes default to the softer "erection." Go with what you're comfortable with, but keep your audience in mind. This also applies for things like semen and vaginal lubrication. There's no need to use creative terms for those things. I've seen the term "spunk trumpet" used, and I may never recover.

·                     xiii. Feelings when Aroused

·                     Feeling hazy

·                     Drunk

·                     Intoxicated

·                     Heady

·                     Fuzzy

·                     Dizzy

·                     Dazed

·                     Breathless

·                     Heart pounding/racing/stuttering/skipping

·                     Blood buzzing/roaring in ears

·                     Hot (and all obvious synonyms – warm, burning, smouldering, scorching, blazing etc. These are particularly good for describing eyes. i.e. "The moment their gaze met, her eyes blazed")

·                     Shaky

·                     Overwhelmed (a bit dub-con, so use with caution)

·                     Light

·                     Light-headed

·                     Fumbling

·                     Drowning in pleasure

·                     Burst

·                     Combust

·                     Sizzling

·                     Sparking

·                     Crackling

·                     Fiery

·                     Teeming

·                     Searing

·                     Passion

·                     Ecstasy

·                     Bliss

·                     Pleasure

·                     xiv. Sexy Words

·                     Dark

·                     Sinful

·                     Carnal

·                     Lithe

·                     Lissom

·                     Supine

·                     Wanton

·                     Animalistic

·                     Unadulterated

·                     Undulate

·                     Lust

·                     Want

·                     Need

·                     Velvet/Satin/Lace/Silk

·                     Hunger

·                     Burn

·                     Wet noises/slick/liquid/squelch

·                     Frenzy

·                     Frantic

·                     Frenetic

·                     Desire

·                     Heat

·                     Arousal

·                     Adrenaline

·                     Clenched

·                     Intensity/intense

·                     Intoxicate

·                     Flutter

·                     Strip

·                     Sluice

·                     Tease

·                     Spark

·                     Ignite

·                     Ride

·                     Friction

·                     Frisson

·                     Flicked

·                     Sinuous/sinewy/willowy

·                     Lilting

·                     Sonorous

·                     Rumbling

·                     Sweet

·                     Slide

·                     Frustration

·                     Squeeze

·                     Press

·                     Torturous

·                     Massage

·                     Pressure

·                     Tightening

·                     Possessive

·                     Raucous

·                     Cacophonic

·                     Harmony

·                     Taut

·                     Tension

xv. Things that Sound Good Until You Imagine Someone Actually Doing Them

- Shaking their head to clear their thoughts. Think of a wet dog drying itself off. That is what this would look like.

- Rolling their eyes back into their head. All I think of is The Exorcist.

- Having their mouth pop open in surprise. Unless something really, really surprising has just happened, this should not.

- Someone speaking in a way that their tongue seems to "caress your skin/name." This makes me again think of a dog slobbering all over someone, or else they're wearing a name tag and that person is literally licking it.

- Spending several minutes staring after someone who's left the room. Seconds, sure. Minutes? Um, no. I want you to go to any public place in the world and stare forward with a catatonic look on your face for several minutes. Count how long it takes for someone to ask you if you're all right, assuming that they don't just call for an ambulance to begin with.

- Rocking back and forth happily. Again, try doing this in public and see what happens (Parkins, 2012).

- Any and all entirely orchestrated moves, such as a character whipping their glasses off angrily or stroking their beard whilst thinking. No one actually does those things; we just see them in films and add them into our writing to convey outdated mannerisms.

xvi. Some Do's and Don'ts of Smut Writing

It's easy to get carried away when writing smut or to get self-conscious and end up writing something that sounds like your mum was looking over your shoulder the whole time. Remember to relax and just do what feels right. If the scene makes you feel hot, it'll probably do the same to your readers. But just in case, here are a few fan fiction pitfalls and tips.

Do describe how your characters are reacting/feeling in detail. There's a time and a place for quiet, controlled sex, and it's usually when your characters are in a public place and might get caught. Otherwise, feel free to have them grunting like beasts and throwing furniture about. Expressive sex is rarely viewed as a bad thing.

Don't be afraid to be realistic. Not all sex is magical, perfect, orgasmic sex where both characters are Porn Star-level Sex Gods who climax at precisely the same time. It can be messy, it can be sloppy, the friction can be too much, it can be painful and the characters can make embarrassing noises. A level of realism can actually make the sex hotter as opposed to spoiling the mood.

Do take that advice up there ^- with a grain of salt. Most people do like for their fantasy sex to be just that: a fantasy. You can use realism to advance the plot line (such as having two characters get walked in on when they didn't bother to lock the door), or you can use it for too much realism, like having someone accidentally burp while kissing their lover. Things like the latter example do happen in real life, and you're welcome to include them, but doing something like that in the middle of a sex scene for no reason can kill your audience's boner.

Don't feel the need to equate dirty talk with name calling or degradation. I read loads of fic when I was younger where characters would call each other sluts and whores when it wasn't a humiliation kink fic, and they were in a monogamous, loving relationship. Humiliation kinks are perfectly fine, but if you're not writing that sort of fic, you don't necessarily need to have one character call the other one a dirty slut just for the sake of doing it. "Oh yes, take my cock, you filthy whore" can be hot in the right circumstances, but if it's in the middle of 'regular' sex, it seems out of place. On a personal note, if a man or woman called me a filthy whore during non-roleplaying sex, I'd burn their clothes in my back garden and then turn them out. Sex is not something you should be made to feel ashamed of unnecessarily.

Do use metaphor (with caution). Comparing the sexual tension between two characters to a string drawn taut or crackling electricity is perfectly fine. Comparing someone's arsehole to the dark, unexplored stretches of an Amazon jungle is probably going to get you put on wtffanfiction. However, metaphor is one of the most honoured traditions of smut writing, from the crashing waves of the orgasm to the pert, pink buds of a fair maiden's nipples. Use it wisely and regularly.

Don't say that one of your character's voices jumped or dropped several octaves. That is a personal pet peeve of mine, and I see it in fiction all the time. The average human vocal range is one and a half octaves. A trained singer can reach two or three, and at four octaves, Freddie Mercury's voice was considered so exceptional, it's widely believed that very few people can properly sing his songs. Do not say your character's voice lowered several (i.e. three or more) octaves unless they went from a high soprano to a pitch only elephants can hear (Parkins, 2012, Kindle Location 393). This obviously does not apply to characters who aren't human. You're welcome to say their voice dropped an octave, however.

Do make sure that what you're writing is anatomically possible. For example, during gay intercourse where two males are face-to-face, the one who is receiving needs to have their hips at a relatively high angle because the arsehole is further back than a vaginal entrance. During straight sex, if a woman is twisting around to look at a man who's taking her from behind, don't have her go to such a degree that she should theoretically crack her spine. When writing things like this, imagine doing them yourself (or better yet, try to do them). If you can't manage it, chances are your characters can't either.

Don't use epithets if you can avoid it. Epithets are other ways of referring to someone, such as saying "the blonde" or "the shorter man". These are incredibly popular in fan fiction, but publishers will make you remove them (Trust me, my novel had 157 corrections of this sort alone). This can be quite difficult to avoid if you're writing male-on-male or female-on-female porn, since you can end up with a sentence like, "He pulled his hands above his head and drew his body up until he was a long, sinewy line" that leave you thinking, "Who the hell did what to who?" The trick here is to use their names and pronouns interchangeably, so you get, "Nik pulled Seth's hands above his head and drew his body up until it was a long, sinewy line."

Do get a trusted friend or beta to read over your work for you. There's no shame in using a beta; it's just like having an editor go over a manuscript. They'll tell you if you made any unfortunate typos (like mine. See "Introduction") or if something seems implausible. Be open to constructive criticism, though if anyone is unnecessarily or mean-spiritedly critical, send them my way, and I'll shove a virtual boot up their arse.

Don't use words without making sure you know what they mean. For example, loads of people are under the impression that "bemused" means "amused." It means "confused." Nonplussed" can mean surprised or not surprised at all, inflammable and flammable both mean easy to set on fire, nauseous means you're making everyone about you feel sick, droll does not mean dull—it means curious in a way that incites wry amusement, and "all right" is two words. Alright is not all right. Unique means literally one of a kind. Something cannot be "quite unique." It's either a golden flamingo or it's not (Clark, 2012, p. 3).

[spoopybruh]

Taking Risks

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series) Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej Characters: Ryan Bergara, Shane Madej

Summary: Events were predictable, people are not. That’s why Shane’s fears usually center around the ever changing nature of others. The what ifs. Non-constants. He’s taken precautions in establishing a tolerance of sorts towards such kerfuffle but there will always be times he has to risk it for the biscuit. He takes a chance on one Ryan Bergara. 

They were in the middle of a long drive home when Shane decides to break the comfortable silence.

“So,” His tone is light despite the severity of his admission, hand gliding against the curve of the steering wheel to steady his stream of thoughts. He sees his companion lift his attention off the screen of his phone and stop tapping on what undoubtedly was another list of haunted locations they could get visiting permissions for. “I may or may not feel things differently than most people do.”

That understandably evokes an unimpressed sound from Ryan and a brief crinkling of his nose before he replies. “Yeah no shit, Sherlock. You were the one who laughed at public executions.”

“I didn’t laugh at the public executions, Ryan. They get breakfast at execution events! It’s like going to Disneyland and getting a little restaurant seat so they can watch a parade.” Even thinking about it draws chuckles from him. “How can people not find that hilarious?” Morbid for sure. But there’s still something funny about the whole juxtaposition of how things went back then. It’s easy to just drop the subject. To let the natural flow of their bantering continue in a way that leaves the insides of his chest light with contentment. And for a few moments, he’s tempted to do just so. Yet if he does, he’ll probably never speak of this again. “No. I mean…I don’t feel things when I should be.”

“What? Like being afraid of reasonable shit instead of someone randomly running up to you and injecting you with heroin?”

“Hey! It could happen! That’s a reasonable fear.” The tight band of anticipation eases with each chuckle that’s forced out of him. Shane turns a corner. Regroups. “No, it’s not that. I meant stuff like empathy.”

He feels, more than sees, Ryan’s eyebrows rise several notches. It’s three tense heartbeats later that his companion’s furiously racing mind finally finds enough coherence to spit a reply back at Shane.

“So…you’re saying that you’re someone who doesn’t…care about anyone or anything? Sorry I know this sounds bad and I’m not trying to be an asshole or anything but what are you getting at here?” Shane could see the grimace on Ryan’s face the moment he vocalises his words and he takes comfort in the fact that this is as equally awkward for him as it is for Shane. At the very least, Ryan’s not acting all freaked out. That would have been hurtful.

The lankier of the duo takes another deep breath to brace himself. “Well it’s not like I don’t feel anything.It’s just….harder. I don’t care about most things, especially if they don’t pertain to people in my own social circle and stuff like that. I just care about some things.” His gaze darts with purpose to rest on his companion for a few brief seconds before he turns his attention to the road again. “Some people. And I pretend to care about other things to be, you know, polite.”

That draws an ‘Oh’ out of Ryan. And if Shane looks just a little bit harder to see his expression under the dim lighting of the setting sun, he swears he could make out a ruddier colour staining the cheeks of his friend. But that’s something to read into for the future. Hopefully. It’s curious how it’s easier now once he forced his way through. Not the finding the right words part. Just the being able to continue part. Then again, that’s his problem. Finding the right words to things. “The thing I have. Makes it harder for me to find the right words to say or find the right things to do. Because I don’t process things the way other people do. I don’t feel shit the same way, I guess. Like- Like say maybe an animal died or something like that. I know that it’s probably a heartbreaking thing to people because they, you know, react in a certain way. And I try to uh. It’s like shitting for the bit. I take it as a cue and just kind of lay it out there, follow their example and carry it through. Without necessarily feeling the same emotion. Do I want the animal to die? No. I’m just not bummed out over it. But not everything’s as clear cut as that so it’s difficult for me to know how I’m supposed to react.”

Ryan’s inhale is sharp but Shane doesn’t turn to look at him. He has no way of anticipating the expression on his face and maybe that’s better that way. When Ryan speaks, it’s with a quiet wonder. As if everything somehow made sense now. “You do that. You take a while to come up with shit to say sometimes, I’ve seen your face when you try to phrase things carefully.

For the first time since the entire conversation, it’s Shane’s turn to be surprised. “I make faces for that? Is it obvious that I’m doing it?”

“No no!” He’s somewhat mollified at Ryan’s scrambling to assure him. “It’s not obvious. Only when it’s this close.” A hand bumps against his shoulder lightly when Ryan gestured to their proximity. “Only when people squint really hard and you know, I’ve had to look at your ugly face for far too often.”

A good to honest laugh slips from Shane at the good-natured ribbing. “You like my ugly face. You said faces like mine are attractive with the whole Cumberbatch story.”

“Yeah but that doesn’t change the fact that you’ve got a strange face.” They both fell silent yet again. Three bus stops were driven past before Ryan pipes up once more with another question. “So do you…do you think it’s some kind of uh.” Shane catches him gesticulating out of his peripheral vision. “Do you think it’s some kind of mental thing? Are you..god why is this is so difficult- are you, are you a sociopath or something? Does that make you one?”

His struggling has Shane snorting with amusement. Ryan’s struggling almost always does. This time round, he takes mercy on the both of them and decides to cooperate.

“That’s not the right term and too media cliche-y but I suppose it puts me somewhere on the spectrum. We’re not sure yet. My therapist and I- we’re figuring it out.”

Ryan seems to think that as a satisfactory answer because he nods and settled down once again, though Shane doesn’t have to be a mind reader to feel the cogs in his brain practically working on overtime to process the information he’d been given. “I don’t know what to say to that, man. That’s some heavy stuff. Uh…Thank you? For telling me that. You didn’t have to say it and all but I guess, thanks.”

“Wait, just like that?”

“Yeah, just like that. What else am I supposed to say? It’s strange to me, obviously. But you’ve always been strange. You made the whole stupid Hot dog thing for god’s sake. So this is odd but I’m not gonna judge you for it anymore than I judge your hot daga story. Unless you start killing people and shit. Which you’re not, are you?” The joke’s a morbid one and Ryan’s squinting his eyes at him for comical effect. It shouldn’t make him snort but it does. Shane rolled his eyes briefly at him in return.

“No, of course not. I mean I’ve thought about it. But who honestly can’t say they’ve never thought about running people over when they cut you off in traffic. Besides, you’ve threatened to kill me multiple times. Just because I’ve thought about it doesn’t mean I wanna do it. Everyone’s capable of doing stuff like that, with or without being on the spectrum.”

“Not a particularly comforting thought to mention when you’re currently the one driving but right, that’s fair.” They broke off into bouts of snickering again. Though the next question Ryan asked hits a little too close to home. “So. Have you uh…Have you hurt anyone because of this? Unintentionally or not.” The latter part is hastily added.

"Wow loaded question there.” His fingers twitched briefly. Shane releases a heavy breath. “No? At least not that I know of. Sometimes I don’t realise- wait fuck.” Frustration mars his features. It’d be easy to get away with it if he expressed that he isn’t aware he’d hurt people because he doesn’t mean to. It’d be easy to paint himself in a better light. A more acceptable one. It’d be easier if he pretended to feel some modicum of regret. But that would also defeat the entire purpose of this whole talk he started. This is Ryan. He’s not going to use that sort of information against him- he has no definite proof anyways. Ryan’s better than that. Better in ways Shane sometimes wishes he could emulate. He’s not the type of person to be an asshole like that.

“Sorry I’m….embellishing. Let me try again.” Another deep breath. He forces himself to relax his grip on the steering wheel. Since when did he tense up? “I have. Sometimes it’s unintentional. Sometimes…I have this impulse, you see? I don’t mean for it to be there but it just is. I have this impulse to do or say things just to see how people would react to them. Just to see how far I can push them before they…respond. Not because I want to hurt them, it’s just…I wanted to know what they’re like. How they think. How they feel. How they respond to things. I was curious.” His lips twisted into a grimace. “That impulse makes me inconsiderate sometimes and I’m working on it. I’ve been working on it for years.”

It’s just like what he does. Shutting Ryan in spooky places for longer on purpose. Pretending to sleep so he could watch him get gradually more and more frightened during the rare occasions they’d stay for a sleepover at whatever haunted location. Rationalise away everything when he gets too scared and persisting until he gets annoyed but never too much. He just wants to know, wants to see how far he can push the boundary without having Ryan experience a nervous breakdown. That’s just…how he is.

“I’m generally good at controlling that impulse. And doing our show…helps in a weird way.” Because he could give in to that impulse within limits instead of suppressing it. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t do things on purpose from time to time but….I don’t want to. Not with you. I’ll mess up once in a while though.”

That’s truthfully the only thing Shane could give as an answer. “I’m not saying that you’ve got to feel like you need to accept that or something. I’m just..it’s just gonna happen. Especially when I feel like I’m in trouble or someone does something exceptionally shitty.” He feels hollowed out for some reason. A kind of exhaustion that sinks into even his bones. Ryan doesn’t have to ask him but Shane knows that he’s probably wondering why. Why now? Why tell him?

“I just wanted to let you know.” That impulse. Again, that impulse. But he’s not lying when he said he wanted Ryan to know. “If there was anyone I wanted to know about this, besides my family and therapist, it’d be you.”

Now he’s done it. Thrown everything right there out in the open. Kicked the door off it’s hinges and yelled at spooky bois that are even spookier than the non-existent spooky bois they’re searching for. The ball is now in Ryan’s court.

As it turns out, he doesn’t have long to wait.“Yeah because I’m the only one who can handle your shit and dish it back to you. I’d be old and greying and I’d still kick your ass when you’re being a dick.” He feels the heat of Ryan’s palm before it descended against his shoulder in a slap. Except it stays there for a moment longer, closing in a firm squeeze.

The breathe caught in his throat eases in shaky sputters.

“Alright, so after we’ve gotten this ‘moment’ out of the way and we’ve established that I’ll still kick your ass regardless, can we at least stop by for food? I swear if I have to sit another hour longer waiting for this stupid traffic to hurry up, I’m going to lose my shit.”

Another snort of amusement escaped Shane. Typical Ryan. Quick to irritate and and straightforward, but also refreshingly capable of wading through everything in stride even if it’s out of his depth. This…this is okay. This is better than okay.

“Yeah I can do that.”

A pause.

“Sour Puss Bergara.”

“Shut up, Shane.”

Additional Note: This is a coping fic I’ve written to get some closure for myself and I’d like to thank the writers who placed in genuine effort to thoughtfully write about Shane with AS/PD. I personally am someone who’s on the spectrum and that’s not something I would ever be able to share with anyone in my own social circle. This is as close I’ll ever be able to get to acceptance. Now for the sake of accuracy and to avoid taking too much liberties, I’ll say that in this story, Shane’s on the spectrum like myself instead.

[iamtaekooked]

                                         CHAPTER 1 || PJM

Genre: Badboy! au, College! au, romance, drama

Word count: 2.1k 

Warnings: Just a lil bit of swearing and mentions of throwing up (just in case anyone has a weak stomach. its not graphic but idk)

SYNOPSIS:

The hate saga between you and baddie of the town Park Jimin rests on two very simple (vanilla) rules: 1.) Hate each other for the rest of your lives and 2.)under no circumstances fall in love with each other. But what happens when one of starts falling for the other? Will passion win or will rage take the game?

A/N: if you want chapter 2 then pretty please let me know whether you like it. Honestly it takes a lot more effort to write than read so I dont want to waste my time writing this if the response isn't worth the work I put in. I hope you guys enjoy this and also thank you for taking the time to read it!❤️ I’ll put out a ch 2 teaser depending on how things go. Enjoy reading :)

 || Ch 1 || Ch 2 || Ch 3 || Ch 4 || Ch 5 || Ch 6 || Ch 7 || Ch 8 || Ch 9 ||

MASTERLIST

Park Jimin was the worst man you ever had the displeasure of knowing. He was cold, rude, arrogant, indifferent to everyone around him. He never cared for anyone but himself. He trampled over people, used them for his own means and discarded them like waste. Everyone loved him, except for you which is why you sometimes wondered whether he seeked you out on purpose. It was a very sick and twisted game the both of you played, but neither of you ever wanted to stop.

“I think you two like each other in a twisted way” Taehyung your best friend would tell you, earning a scoff which was followed by a glare, every single time he uttered the words. No one ever made you feel as frustrated and angry as he did. “You’re wrong. He has it out for me for whatever reason. He doesnt like me” you would state as a matter of factly in turn earning a laugh of disbelief from Taehyung.

Not to mention Jimin was the biggest fuck boy you knew. Not only did he have zero respect for others, he didn’t even respect himself enough to set himself to a good standard because he would fuck anything that had two legs and a vagina.

You really hated him.

He never let any opportunity to mess up your life go amiss. Whether it was purposely making you late for class, or butting his nose in your romantic endeavours and driving your partners away.

“I am the only guy for you y/n” he had told you the time when he had driven away your dumb ex boyfriend by making it look like you had cheated on him. “ Love it or hate it because you are stuck with me princess” After a while you had given up on relationships because Jimin always ensured it didn’t last past one week.

“Thinking about me?” You were startled out of your thoughts as Jimin’s voice rang through your ears. He occupied the seat next to you and you had to stop yourself from retching because the pungent smell of smoke mixed with the cheap beer invaded your nostrils. “Aww was wittle baby missing me? Does precious little Jiminie need an ass kicking” your voice dripped with sarcasm.

Jimin only laughed in response. “ You really do like playing with fire don’t you?” he spoke close to your ear the smell of alcohol making you taste bile in the back of your throat. The next thing you knew, water was dripping from your head and Jimin was laughing as if that was the funniest thing he had ever seen. “ Cool off” he then threw the plastic bottle in your lap and exited out of the bus. You stepped out after him, a scowl making its way onto your face. You wanted to throw the same bottle at the back of his head and you did raise it above your head, but thought better of it, seeing as his best friend Jeongguk had fallen in step beside him. And boy did you want to avoid Jeongguk. If Jimin was trouble, Jeongguk was worse. It would be like inviting a headache for yourself.

The stench of alcohol still lingered in your nostrils. Who drank before coming to college? No one but Park Jimin. You failed to understand why he was so popular despite being the most loathsome human being the history of humanity.

“What the hell happened to you?” your best friend Taehyung jogged next to you and put an arm around your shoulder. “Okay hold on, by the look on your face I can only guess its one thing, rather one person” he paused for effect. You deadpanned in his direction, forcing the both of you to stop in your tracks. “It was Jimin wasn’t it?” he raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips.

“Well no shit Sherlock it was Jimin. Who else could it possibly be?” you huffed in anger before resuming your walk towards the college once more.

Taehyung turned to look at your profile while you gazed straight ahead. He felt bad for you because you had never done anything to anyone, yet Park Jimin felt like he could treat you that way. Taehyung had, on multiple occasions offered to beat up Jimin for you, just to teach him a lesson but you had blatantly refused because you didnt want him getting hurt.

“I know Jimin. I mean I did know him so I can kick his ass you know?” he would tell you, alluding to their now broken friendship. Jimin and Taehyung had been inseparable during your first year of college. They were always joined at the hip and were seen sharing laughs, and jokes with each other. But then Jimin changed and well Taehyung found a friend in you.

“Okay how about this? Lets go to Yoongi’s party tonight” Taehyung suggested to which you shook your head because Jimin would be there. Yoongi was the only person in his previous friend circle that Taehyung kept in contact with. Yoongi was decent enough because he never helped Jimin in making your life hell, but neither did he ever object. So you felt neutral about him.

The cliched vibes you got from the whole situation irked you too much, which was another reason you wished to avoid the party. Because if this was anything like those movies you saw, the countless stories you read you knew you were in for  some kind of trouble. Thats how it always ended at these parties.

“Jimin is going to be there. Go figure genius” your index finger landed in the centre of his forehead as you pushed him away. “ I am going to be there too you know” he got a hold of your finger and lifted it off his forehead.

“Nope. This is not happeneing. No way and dont you dare Kim Taehyung. Do not give me that puppy face” you announced and didnt linger around long enough to give him the chance to pull that pitiful face on you. It always got you. So with a defeated sigh Taehyung followed your lead, wheels turning in his head to figure out a way to make you go. He wasn’t going to give up that easy.

*****************************************************************************************************

You had been glaring at Taehyung since you had entered Yoongi’s gigantic house. “ You tricked me” you spat out and narrowed your eyes at him. “ You’re having fun though” he sheepishly replied trying to avoid your eyes as he sipped his drink.

Taehyung had lied to you and said he was going to take you out for a movie to cheer you up. You had complied because what harm could a movie do? But a 30 minute ride later you found yourself in front of a house, the lawn of which was littered with beer cups and puke , and the sound of some faint EDM was drifting into the surroundings. Before you had the chance to object Taehyung’s hand enclosed around your wrist and he was dragging you, quite literally behind himself towards the party.

Fun my ass.

Just as you had assumed Park Jimin was also there and so was Jeon Jeongguk. You avoided them the minute you entered. You forced Taehyung to find a secluded corner and got a promise out of him that he would not leave your side for even a second.

Although you were thankful for his presence and it did diminish some of the awkwardness , a pair of eyes on you was making you feel very uneasy and as you glanced in the direction for the briefest of seconds you saw Jimin staring at you.

Opting to not let your eyes linger you looked away just as quickly and took a sip of the bitter liquid in the cup forgetting that it was beer. Coughing in distaste you physically held the cup away from your body. Glancing at Jimin again you saw that he was watching you with an amused expression and it was the sort of look that indicated he had seen your struggle with the drink.

For whatever reason you felt embarrassed at the thought of him witnessing your intolerance for alcohol. It sort of felt like he was silently laughing at you, which made you feel embarrassed but also angry. You could imagine his train of thoughts running along the lines of you pretending to be tough and cool when really you were just a goody two shoes. You really couldn’t give him a legitimate reason to further demean you.

Even though you had no way of knowing thats what he was thinking, you wouldnt be surprised to find out that it was exactly what he was thinking. Taking his smirk as an unspoken challenge you downed the drink in one breath.

The sounds of your coughing and wheezing made Taehyung’s head turn in your direction as he immediately put his cup away and stroked your back as you coughed. The aftertaste was bitter and you felt as if you had consumed ethanol. Your throat felt like it was closing and you were swallowing way too hard in order to wash the taste down your throat.

You felt the sour acid pooling in your mouth indicating you were about to vomit. Reminding yourself that Jimin was in the same room as you, and barfing in the same was not an option, in breaking gasps you excused yourself to the bathroom.

Making your way through the sea of sweaty bodies and the stench of smoke mixed with alcohol you quickly located the washroom. The smell really wasn’t helping the buildup of acid in your mouth and it was only aggravating the urge to puke.

“Going somewhere?” You heard Jimin’s voice distantly ringing in your ears. As you looked up you found him looking down at you with the same stupid arrogant smile.

“ Get the fuck out of my way” you sighed as you felt the contents of your stomach bubbling up towards your chest.

“And if I dont?” he stepped towards you, and you couldn’t help but think of the consequences. It might just soak his shirt if he didnt let you go into the washroom. You were trying your best to hold it in but you couldn’t really control your body’s physiological reactions.

“You thick headed idio-” you tried saying but he interrupted you again. He really was an idiot wasn’t he?

You gagged and yet Jimin failed to see that you were about to let out the contents of your stomach and he would be in the line of fire.

“ Oh come on. Stay for a while. You’re not just going to-” and then it happened. If only Jimin was bestowed with the ability to process things happening in front of him and pick up on cues this wouldnt have happened.

“Oh shit” he jumped away from you. His face contorted in disgust and he groaned in anger.

“I told you to move away” you responded. You could hear people around you retching and you had never felt so embarrassed in your entire life.

“You fucking idiot” Jimin moved towards you but he was pulled back by jeongguk. For once you were thankful for Jeongguk and for a moment you didnt hate him as much.

“You should have moved when she was heaving dude” Jeongguk took his hands off Jimin’s shoulder an expression of slight disgust painting his features.

Taehyung pushed his way through the crowd that had gathered around the two of you and visibly shivered in disgust at the sight in front of him. “Lets get you home” he put his arm around your shoulders. While making your way out several comments made their way to your ears most of which revolved around how Jimin was going to make you pay for it. Some of Jimin’s fangirl’s were glaring at you as if they would pounce on you any second and kill you.

You wouldn’t mind dying at this second because it was the most embarrassing situation you had ever found yourself in.To make things even worse you had given Park Jimin a legitimate reason to hate you even more. 

You were going to kill Taehyung for putting you into this mess.

[minyboy]

I got a request to make some non-muscular male Martial Arts Kids. Well that's as un-buff as I can make a team of crime fighting marital artists. Their scrawny arms are about to fall off.  and now bios, but first a word from our sponsors... me! Disclaimer!  I wish to assure everyone that all the Martial Arts Kids I make are friends and are friendly towards each other. But they also are human. They are diverse set of characters with different backgrounds, beliefs, and upbringings, yielding unique points of views. That's why we have diversity. Like any group of friends, there will be conflicting points of views, it's not malleolus, it's human. To have the world be perfect and everyone always liking everything everyone else does is bad writing and badly reflects on the creators. So there is no ill intent in the characters, they are just people trying to figure their way in the world just like anyone else. Thank you. Bios from left to right.

Jaymore Holmes (Jay) Age 9:

Jay is a smart but sometimes timid person. He will fight when he must, but often does his best to avoid conflict, and thanks to his creativity and intelligence he’s pretty good at avoiding them. Since he is a 9 year old child, this kind of makes sense. Jay can get very shy at times and stammers when he is nervous, it can make it difficult to talk to him. Jay hides a huge rock collection from his peer, he is too embarrassed to show them for it is incomplete and maybe a bit silly to him. Jay is trying to find his way in the world, but it’s a big and scary place and he’s just a kid.

Likes: playing video games, running, listening to the radio, mayflies, his grandma attending museums, going to the movies, charity work, podcasting, travelling, reading, walking away from the market

Dislikes: the color blue, being outdoors, bugs, open flower fields, loud people, dinosaurs, tea, eating fish and telling bad jokes

Ryan West  Age 12:

Ryan used to have a passion for art, but one day seemed to lose all his love for it. He is not wandering from place to place in life trying to find a new passion (besides the Martial Arts Kids, of course). He's a brave boy, kind, caring to his fellow humans, but he often has a bit of distrust toward them and snakes around people he can. When he can’t he can become very grumpy when talking to anyone for too long. For some reason he blinks excessively and is always on the lookout for… something.  Sharon Briggs keeps on trying to set his single dad on random dates. It’s a kind thing, but she’s not very good at it because she just chooses at random. He appreciates  it, even if it makes him concerned from time to time . Ryan has a poor judgement of character and often misunderstands or makes incorrect presumptions, which can lead to trouble. Ryan is a  kind, brave person, but wishes to find his purpose in life without too much social discomfort.

Likes: butterflies, boxing, Sharon, barges, art, waking up early, bees, birds, talking cows, crystal balls, his mom, volcanoes, extinct animals and wandering around aimlessly all day long laughing.

Dislikes: horror books, his art, Valentines Day, Shakespeare, cosmetology, Nightwing’s red costume, squids, indie music, Sherlock Holmes later books and guitars.

Ziggy Williamson Age 14:

Lab technician by day, surfer dude by afternoon, he goes to bed at night.  When Ziggy’s not surfing the afternoon away or kicking bad guys' butts, he helps Nunu in her laboratory as a technician. While he works more on the biological side of things he does have an interest in the machines he uses and that’s why he partners up with Nunu. She can be cold to him but they work well together and enjoy each other's company, usually. But one can not be friendly to another all the time, that would be pure madness or pure apathy.  Ziggy is a more laid back dude but He has big hopes and dreams for this future, but very few believe he wants to do anything about  them. Sadly sometimes he believes  these people. Nunu is some of the few people who believes in him, or at least what he creates.  Ziggy hosts a local surfing club with numbers like Aina, Maeve and Celesta. He wishes to use what he learns to help fight evil and clean up the local beaches, then he plans to sell his inventions for profit. Most don’t take him seriously, but he’ll work hard to one day prove them wrong, or right.

Likes: wild life, swamp scum, Nunu, traffic signs, people with manners, inactivity, surfing, the beach!, strategy games, lizards, and waking up early.

Dislikes: magic shows, noses, patterned socks, long fingernails, cold days, hard work, not beginning believed in, his will power, blepharism,  and willow trees.

Myong Si-U Age 16:

Myong is a young aspiring film director, but he has not filmed anything… yet. He has many plans for stories he wants to tell and he wants big local names in them, like Kerry and River. Not Brandy, for she is too popular and legendary for him to have a chance, or so he thinks. Myong comes from a poor family, he lives with his uncle and aunt because his parents passed away at an early age. He is friendly to all he can, trying his best to make the best impression on everyone, for that is the best way, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. He plans to know all the important people, if they like it or not.  Myong has a severe phobia of sharks, no one knows why, he loves to go swimming often, but he can’t stop talking about them in horror when they are mentioned. Coming from a poor background  Myong will do anything to get ahead and that can make him very untrustworthy and a bit standoffish. He wants to make his dreams come true, but can Myong not stare in the abyss to do so?

Likes: movies, Kerry, musicals, dandelions, shiny things, sandwiches, camera, getting free stuff the movie Treasure Island, Christmas, extravagant period clothes from the 1870’s, oceanography and Dominos Pizza.

Dislikes: sharks, being ignored, his teacher Ms. Quinn, stand-up comedy,  hot water,  candy-making, stories about plucky young magic-users, purple bread, candles and sharks.

Oliver Canmore (Ollie) Age 18:

Ollie is a immigrant from Belgium, he moved from a younger age. He is a very calm person, he speaks the same despite being angry, upset, happy, etc. often looked at by other members as a  big brother. Ollie has a passion for cooking and soap making. They often spend their free time making soap. When he’s not being creative or kicking butt he is a groupie of Brandy, for she has many groupies. In fact Brandy sometimes loses track of  who is her groupie and Ollie can feel that. Ollie will defend Brandy from any criticism and  will look out for the other members, often looked upon as the big bother of the group, he can never escape that image and he’s ok with that even with River’s friendly teasing of it. Ollie has trouble focusing on one thing and often aimlessly goes from one passion to  the next never truly mastering any one of them. Ollie is kind and has many passions, but can he focus on something that matters to him or forever stay adrift on the Lost Potential Sea?

Likes: Brandy, duh,  sound of a ticking clock, deep sea diving, cooking, singing, caring for people, soap, shampoos, Skyrim,  parasols, fast cars, breakdancing and snow globes.

Dislikes: hand fans, fantasy books from the 1940’s,sensation of heavy bass, fireworks, loud noises in general, manga,  gnomes, musicals, and the sensation of the color yellow.