#also descendants sucks because it’s from disney

[calyxthenerd]

Let’s break it down why it’s very much not the same, shall we? (As someone who’s watched both, allow me)

For starters, the obvious: Ben is an extrovert, the heir of his family and very much a jock, so if anything, he’s like Daring, not Dexter, the introverted tech nerd

Now: Raven and Mal, totally different backstories, totally different motives, totally different approaches to their battles, Raven grew up basically alone, Mal grew up with friends, yes they both grew up being taught they were supposed to be evil, Raven always chose kindness, Mal didn’t for a while, Raven wants liberation for everyone, even the nobles, because she knows that no one is truly free in their society, Mal doesn’t really see the bigger picture, doesn’t seen that there’s also things holding the Auradon kids back, for her, there’s a divide there, Mal tries to climb her way to the top of the chain and work from there, Raven sees a flawed system and knows she will lead the charge to tear it down (not saying either is wrong, just pointing out the difference)

And the fundamental difference in the development of their respective relationships: Dexter and Raven are together because he loves her for who she is, Ben and Mal are together because he helps her see how she can be better, and that’s the person each girl needs in her life

Did I mention

[mr-walkingrainbow]

DESCENDANTS: The Rise of Red! (or the REAL hidden story in the movie + what’s gonna happen in the sequel THEORY!)

So we ALL watched the movie right? We ALL thought the plot sucked and the movie ended abruptly with a underwhelming climax?

WELL HERES WHY WERE WRONG!

So I did some really deep thinking, and I figured, these writers can’t be THAT stupid? The director can’t be THAT idiotic, lame, and boring? That would just embarrass Disney, not to mention all the well respected actors that are in this!

So I thought hard. I thought hard and I thought long. Like hella long. And I tallied up all the plot inconsistencies, all the weird explanations, all the very specific lines in songs, and I did it. I fixed descendants rise of red! I FIGURED IT OUT!

So!! Here it is! What TRULY happened that crowncoming night! And what going back in time actually did!

(I intentionally put a keep reading so if anyone wanted to avoid spoilers they can)

So! Now that we’re under the keep reading. Anything spoilerly can be said!

So first things first. The biggest theory everyone is saying.

ELLA DID IN FACT POISON BRIDGET!

Yes! I said it! We all thought the movie was leading to this! So it was underwhelming when it was revealed it was Uliana and her crew were the origins behind the prank.

OR WERE THEY?

We all saw that once they opened the book; they were frozen. Because they were ‘bad’ and Merlin’s security system was set into place.

And many of you came up with the giant plot hole that this would have happened REGARDLESS of whether Red and Chloe interfered.

AND YOUR RIGHT!

This sole reason, is why the group COULDNT have done it! Not only were they frozen, but they couldn’t read the recipe, and were properly sent to detention, ergo exonerating them from being at the dance! Meaning their was literally no way they could have been behind the prank!

So with them being withheld from the dance, who could it be? Who was the one person who was originally at the dance, but now no longer could be? What was the one actual change that Red and Chloe set off?

ELLA. AND THE VASE!

We all see that when the two go into Ella’s house, Chloe knocks over a Vase. Breaking it. Lady Tremaine GROUNDS Ella! Meaning that she COULD NOT go to the dance!

This DIDNT happen originally! Meaning Ella DID go to the dance in the original timeline! Which is proven when Cinderella (I’m calling Adult Ella, Cinderella) talks to The Red Queen (I’m calling Adult Bridget The Red Queen) about how the prank being pulled was wrong. She had first handed knowledge of the prank. AND she told Chloe she fell in love with Charming at the dance.

But! Since Ella is the only difference in the two timelines in regarding to the dance, this is PROOF that she was the one who actually pranked Bridget, NOT Uliana and her crew!

So here’s what I think happened!

Ella, who saw Bridget being bullied about the cupcakes, and saw Uliana take all the cupcakes. And promptly being threatened by Uliana. Decided to bake Bridget something to cheer her up. However Bridget literally has all of the cookbooks in auradon. As shown. So she snoops around and finds Merlin’s cookbook! (Because it’s also shown she’s okay with breaking the rules if it’s for a good cause. From her get our hands dirty song!) and double and, the book WOULD open for her because she is a good person. AND she was doing it for a good reason!

she flips through the book and finds some simple blase recipe that cheers Bridget up. Maybe gives her cool hair (Red hair??). Something simple but sweet.

However. While doing this, she happens to see the Monster food recipe. She doesn’t look at it for long of course. Just enough to remember it’s a thing.

BACK TO BRIDGET!

Now! I swear to whatever’s out there that the person who played Chloe said there was a queer character in Dedcendants 4. I can’t find it now but it was some tumblr or insta post. I know cause I immediately told my friend afterwards.

Anywho. I think Bridget is the queer character! We see in the movie her only friend was Ella. Not only that but she YEARNS for someone to care about enough to ask her out (in a romantic way like charming just tried to do for Ella) Ella, who again. Is Bridget’s only friend. And ergo, shows her love no one else does, IMMEDIATELY asks her to go to the dance with her! (Might have said as friends in the other timeline too. Who knows)

But! This only makes Bridget’s crush on Ella even BIGGER. And she falls in love with her! She probably thinks they might have a chance!

This is also somewhat proven by The Red Queens song ‘Love Ain’t It’

Title ; Love Ain’t It

Red : “With all the Grief you’ve experienced”

Red (Speaking of Cinderella) : So you Knew her?

The Red Queen : I saw through her. Cinderella and I were classmates in a way.

(Notice how she uses Ella’s mocking name after she has time to recover from the interaction. She said ELLA originally when she caught her off guard. Also. The line. I SAW THROUGH HER. It’s a double edged sword. Saw through her fronts. Saw the hurting girl inside. Saw through her LIES saw the mean girl behind)

Proven by the next lines

The red Queen : I spent way to much time in this place

So I had to escape

the people might smile

but their two faced, too fake.

Girl was relentlessly bullied and betrayed by someone she loved

And Ella Knows it.

Cinderella : Some people act mean at first, because their too afraid to feel

[the reverse is also true]

Cinderella : Look hon. Back in high school, a mean prank was played

And ever since that fateful day

She was never the same, it’s quite a shame.

So the Red Queen sings a whole song about how Love isn’t it. And we ALL KNOW that her only connection to love as a kid was through ELLA. meaning Bridget HAD A CRUSH on Ella. Was IN LOVE. With Ella.

So. How did Crowncoming originally happen you ask?

Here’s my theory

Ella and Bridget go to the dance. They are happy! They have fun. Bridget falls further in love with Ella. Meanwhile. Ella falls in love with Charming!

Her and Charming hit it off. And Ella starts to feel loved and appreciated for the first time in her life.

Then, Bridget performs her ‘Shuffle of Love’ dance. All the attention is on her! Even Charmings.

Ella feels robbed. She feels jealous. She feels angry that her friend is stealing the one good moment she is finally having to herself.

And so she briefly remembers the spell. And in a moment of error, she either A. Remembers the recipe already and makes the recipe. Or B. Re-Sneaks back into the office to see it. However I’m going with A because the book wouldn’t have opened again for Ella because of her bad intentions.

Whichever way. Bridget eats the baked treat. (I think it was a cupcake. Ella could have lied and said it was from the earlier batch)

And then. IT HAPPENS! Bridget is turned into an ugly terrifying monster. Everyone LAUGHS at her. Everyone makes fun of her

And Bridget, who is confused, understands only ONE person could have done this to her. She looks at someone she was in love with. And just sees Ella and Charming laughing. Laughing at her. Bonding over laughing at HER.

Bridget runs off. In tears. Broken inside. With an equally broken heart.

Maybe if Ella had immediately realized her error and run after her she would have turned out differently. But no. It is proven that Ella stayed at the dance and stayed with Charming. They wouldn’t have had the chance to fall in love if she left.

So Bridget. Spends the rest of the night terrified. Looking like a monster. And being laughed and screamed and made fun of everywhere she goes. And not only that. But her ONLY FRIEND. Her CRUSH. Someone she TRUSTED did this to her

Now THIS! THIS is something can break a person. This is something that can change their views on the world. On humanity itself. She was a kind girl. Was kind to everyone no matter how meanly they treated her. But through it all, Ella was her rock. Her friend. Her secret love. Someone who was good and kind through it all.

But she betrayed her. Tbe one nice person betrayed her. Showing that being nice doesn’t do it. Being nice does not mean good things happen. Being nice doesn’t is worthless if this is what it gets you. Everyone is two faced. And the only thing that’s real. The only thing she CAN feel. Is hurt. And pain. And fear. And so that’s what she swears to become. That’s what she swears to do. Be mean and cruel and heartless so she never has to feel all this pain ever again. So her eventual DAUGHTER never has to feel this again. It’s better to be alone and feared. Then alone and broken.

Ella probably realized the error of her ways the next day. But as she said. It was too late. Bridget was never the same.

This Explains why they had so many odd interactions. The raw feral burning chemistry between them. All the odd phrase. Why The Red Queen would be okay sending her BEST FRIEND to death. Why she would be okay killing her. And taking over auradon. To Her? Cinderella is the one who made her this way.

but also part of her still remembers. Still cares. It’s why she gave her once chance to kneel to her. (And as we’ve noted in the books and movies. She doesn’t give ANYONE else a second chance. She punishes I’m immediately and harshly)

And so! With all of this happening. Theirs gonna be some catylist in recent times. The Red Queen might be nice now. But something will have changed. Ella never went to the dance. (She clearly fell in love with charming somewhere else cause otherwise Chloe would have disappeared) but something happened when she wasn’t at the dance. Something that caused another problem. And THATS gonna be the sequel to this movie. Descendants : Rise of Red part two.

(as we’ve seen the official script for the movie is literally called Descendants : Rise of Red part one. MEANING they wrote it with the purpose of being part one to either a sequel or a threequal)

And THAT! Ladies and Gentleman, is what I think the REAL plot behind Descendants : Rise of Red is! A movie that is not idiotically not thought out at all, but really something so secretly genuis is blows your mind!

Hope you enjoyed!

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

Can u pretty please make daddy some Disney descendants headcanons and Rodrick Heffley too???

But kitten whiskers- I don’t do descendants….. BUT I WILL DO RODERICK

Roderick Heffley Hcs (General)

-he’s so bisexual you guys like actually in my brain he’s canonly bisexual

-he really likes getting his makeup done but pretends to hate it, like if you do it at first he’ll complain about you touching his face but love the feeling secretly and the result

-I feel like he has some really unnoticed trauma with how his parents treat him

-Greg gets to sort of be a brat and do whatever but I headcanon that maybe he thinks he’s really not good enough because his parents treat him like a delinquent

-everyone does, actually. His teachers, peers… imagine having that repeated over and over… eventually you just… believe it

-damn I didn’t mean to turn this angsty but yk it’s Roderick what do you expect

-He drinks milk from the carton (canon but honorable mention)

-I feel like he likes punk, emo, and rock music genres a lot and switches quite frequently between genres in his bands music

-also he’s a horrible driver (also canon but honorable mention)

-I also think he’s a horrible pedestrian, like he just doesn’t look before jaywalking

-absolutely the type to roast Greg about any music he listens to, unless Roderick likes it, then he will get some passive approval

-he thinks he looks a lot cooler than he does sometimes tbh, but honestly just has low self esteem due to his environment

-I don’t think he likes any veggies besides carrots unless they are on pizza, I just think he’s a picky eater lmao

-speaking of food he LOVES potato chips

-I think he’s not super informed on politics which can be annoying but sometimes he gets really into it which is nice to see, and if he had a partner he would let you rant about them

-I think he totally paints his nails, other colors than black too and doesn’t gaf if anyone has anything to say about that

-I think he really is a mamas boy at heart, I think even though they have more banter they get along a lot better than him and his dad

-but I feel like he thinks neither of his parents really understand him, and music is his way of coping with that sometimes

-if he hears someone talking about a band he loves he will get super duper excited but act disinterested so nobody thinks he’s uncool

-honestly just low damn self esteem and confidence, even if he pretends otherwise

-would have an amazing relationship with his brother if his brother would stop being a tattle tale 💀

-he gets paid around the neighborhood to do certain jobs like mowing grass or shoveling snow but he sucks at all his jobs, wether that’s being on time, or doing them in general, so most of the time Greg end up stealing his jobs

-the one subject he is surprisingly decent at is English- specifically reading comprehension. I feel like he has a lot of really interesting concepts but he doesn’t know how to word them correctly- and is too scared to anyway because he thinks no matter what he’s gonna sound stupid

-he has that one thing where there’s constant ringing in your ears from listening to music far too loud

-he lives for weird ass graphic tees and cool belts

-I feel like he likes some really niche bands and gets pissed whenever/if it ever goes mainstream- “I liked that before it was popular” ����☝️

-OKAY he does that thing where if a girl wear a band shirt he asks if she can even name five songs because he thinks it’s like flirty but it’s actually just annoying and he gets slapped for that

-The hygiene on this mf is disgraceful- only starts wearing deodorant AFTER he gets a partner

-one time he went out and got his ears pierced and probably now had some cool ass earrings

-even though he mains the drums he can play the bass and guitar pretty well

[s0r3wach1gauy0]

The Goddamn Copacabana Essay

Ok so does anyone remember when Copacabana randomly got popular this year? Well for me that's when this mess started. I saw on instagram this one edit. It's not important, but it's how I became curious bc Barry can sing man, and tell a good story. Also it showed up really high on my wrapped so I think now is a funny time to talk about it.

Song History

So while people were treating it like a meme, I decided to study this song. Obviously, it released in 1977 and it was at a good time with disco music, etc. etc. What the average zoomer like me might not know is that there was a made for TV movie released in 1985.

This is cool and a good thing for a few reasons. Firstly, Barry Manilow, y'know, the guy who made this song, plays the protagonist, the Tony if you will. There are numerous versions of Copacabana, there's an 80's mix that I especially like that shows up in the movie. The plot is like, that song but extended, like it shows how Tony and Lola meet and fall in love, how Rico gets tangled in there, etc. I will say as the only spoiler, they do cut away from the uh shooting which kinda sucks bc I was really curious if Barry would answer that question. The only issue is that this movie is close to lost media, like I watched it once on a very sketchy website that probably got my data or something. It sucks because I genuinely liked it and I missed my chance in August to personally ask Mr. Manilow to get it on streaming for everyone. I got this gif as a consolation prize tho of Lola.

It also got turned into a musical in 1992 that follows the story of the TV movie, which I still want to find a bootleg of because that sounds like a good watch. Yes I listened to Manilow sing it now, and I'm not adding it to my Every Single Version of Copacabana playlist for peace and mankind reasons. So yeah aside from tikton picking it up, I think I covered everything---

Location History

Oh you thought Copacabana was fake? A place dreamed up by a disco artist in the '70's? Absolutely not. While the whole murder thing from what I could glean is not based on a real event, there was a real Copacabana, and for a time showgirls did perform there.

It's been closed and reopened several times, but it first opened on November 10th, 1940. When it first opened, it was run by Monte Proser, but it was also in partnership with Frank Costello, a mob boss. Monte Proser was well connected though, as he was a press agent for the likes of Walt Disney, and a bunch of people I personally don't recognize. Anyways, Frank put one of his guys to be there to protect mob interests, Jules Podell. Jules had a police record though, and the club got investigated for racketeering and tax evasion in 1944. By 1948 though, the pressure went down, and it was basically mob controlled with Jules being the sole owner.

I did have a couple things I wanted to shoehorn in, so lemme talk about them quickly. First off, the vibes were kinda wack because it's y'know Brazilian decor and Latin American music, costume, and dance, so someone might guess Tex-Mex because white people run the place. Nope, Chinese food. Secondly, the place was racially segregated until the '50's. I'm not surprised by given it's pre-segregation, but I am a little disappointed. However, many black performers did really well there, like Harry Belafonte, Sammy Davis Jr., Sam Cooke, and The Supremes debuted there.

Like I said, it moved a few times and closed and reopened a few more times than that. You can visit the club now, and it seems like the original salsa theme is still going. But that's less fun. I've been saving the best for last.

Showgirl History

I should start by being honest in that, this part isn't finished yet. Well, not in the way I consider finished. I want to interview show girls from the 50's specifically so I can truly hear thier experiences from the club at the time. Or if you're a descendant of one and you remember her talking about that time in her life, that also is good. If you have any contact info you are okay with sharing, please message me.

From what I can glean, all girls were hand selected by Jack Entratter, the show producer for the Copacabana and basically the guy who invented the Vegas showgirl later on. He also knew Frank Sinatra from this time period, which is a fun sidenote. The girls he chose also had, and I will say, I do think this is a little creepy, a formula. The formula is simple, "5’4” in height; 116 lbs. Bust 32-34, waist 24, hips 34. Face: small features, the American girl look, oval rather than round face." He didn't care if the girl could dance at all, simply if she was beautiful similar to Ziegfield's French shows of the '20's. The Copa Show didn't necessarily have hard steps, as the focus was on the beauty of the showgirl and her costume.

The costumes of course, were often very elaborate and told the story. I have heard good things, the pay was good, and from what little online prescence the NYC Copa Girls have, it seems happy, if a little nerve wracked. The pictures I've found are very pretty, so I bet it was fun.

I'm honestly not sure how to end this except to say this was a journey, and I hope if you take anything away it's that real people worked and laughed there, and sometimes art imitates life, not perfectly, but it does imitate it. Oh and if this ever leaves Tumblr and reaches Barry, I'm begging you to put the made for TV movie on streaming or something I beg of you.

[beyondmistland]

Other stuff I've watched/rewatched over the past few months (in no particular order)

Deadpool & Wolverine (A little too self-indulgent at times but still great fun)

Alien Romulus (Way better than Alien Covenant)

X-Men 97 (Never saw the original series, which is also on Disney+, but had no trouble following along)

The Dragon Prince S6 (After the abysmal S4 and mixed S5 this was for the most part a much needed return to form, Verin and Claudia remain my favorite characters, episode 8 "We All Fall Down" is definitely one of my favorite episodes of any animated show ever)

Cobra Kai Final Season Parts 1 and 2 (I felt Part I was stronger than Part II and that the finale of Part II was a little too OTP, still curious to see how they're going to wrap this up given the aforementioned finale)

Pluto (Absolutely amazing from start to finish, first episode is the best tho)

Godzilla Minus One (A monster movie where the human characters aren't a drawback, the fact this looks better than all of Marvel's recent output despite having a vastly inferior budget is the icing on top)

The Wild Robot (If this doesn't win any awards this year there is no justice in the universe, sucks tho that its one of the last two projects Dreamworks animated entirely in-house alongside Kung Fu Panda 4)

The Rocketeer (Good ol 90s fun featuring Nazi baddies)

The Sandlot (Still holds up reasonably well surprisingly)

Bad Boys: Ride or Die (Good dumb action fun, which sometimes is all you want (or need))

Hitman (Glen Powell is awesome, the fact its (loosely) based on a true story only makes it even better)

Edge of Tomorrow (Really well-put together apart from the very last scene, also cements Emily Blunt as one of my go-to fancasts for Emma Coldwine)

Beauty and the Beast (Way better than the live-action version, Gaston's mundane nature makes him (like Frollo) a way worse (and terrifying) villain than say Ursula or Jafar)

The Harder They Fall (An all-black western? Sign me up, the fact the characters were real people (even if the actual events in the movie are not) only makes the movie cooler, did have a hard time understanding what was being said sometimes in part due to the actors using low voices)

The Little Mermaid (Hellfire > Poor Unfortunate Souls, fight me)

Agatha All Along (A rare Marvel TV show that both 1) consistently entertains throughout and 2) Doesn't descend into mindless CGI action during the climax, only other example I can think of would be Loki which I still rate higher, not least because Loki is the only Marvel property with a distinct soundtrack to my ears (Only other bit of Marvel music that has stuck in my head all these years is the Avengers' theme and Bucky's theme from Winter Soldier))

Hocus Pocus (It was...OK I guess?)

Arcane S2 (While less character-driven and more plot-driven than S1 this show is still one of the best animated series I can recall watching, favorite part would have to be episode 7, favorite characters would have to be Victor and Ambessa, definitely excited for more LoL-based adaptations)

Wizards Beyond Waverly Place (Fun for the whole family, also makes me a bit nostalgic)

Kung Fu Panda 4 (Not bad but also not as good as the first and third (Still haven't seen the second, which annoys me to no end because I've heard Lord Shen is the best of the Kung Fu Panda villains))

:)

[moreespressoformydepresso]

What infuriates you most about descendants? From books and movies?

Mal.

More specifically her botched character from descendants 2 onwards and the way it affects the outcome of the story. She started out as a really good character and then the writing ruined her.

Okay so how to explain this in a reasonable word count? My biggest issue with Mal is that she seems to backslide on character development constantly. It’s not a one off, and Dove Cameron’s acting and singing cannot save Mal from the fact that two whole movie plots were caused by her doing something that makes no sense from any angle. To be clear: I like Mal… in D1. The first movie, while suffering from the same general weirdness as all Disney channel movies, is pretty good and Mal has a well-written arc. Its only problem is time constraint, but I can live with it being a little rushed and surface level because it’s Disney and it’s just one movie. It will forever grind my gears that Mal makes the emotional “we be good now” speech when she was literally the only one actively still trying to follow the plan, but again it’s Disney and she’s the main character. My only real critique is that Jay, Evie, and Carlos should have been the one giving the “we don’t want to be evil” speech rather than have Mal list out why her friends don’t want to be evil when they clearly already know (as shown in the montage during If Only’s reprise). But whatever, girl who’s never known anything other than how to be evil learns how to be good and find herself thanks to the love of her life. Compelling nature vs nurture story.

Then Descendants 2 rolls around, and the issues start popping up. Audrey doesn’t exist in the movie, which sucks because I feel like this movie should have at least acknowledged the consequences of Mal’s previous evil behavior (and also I like Audrey), but I can live with that. What I cannot live with is Mal being a horrible (girl)friend and making boneheaded decisions despite supposedly being a better person than she was before. I like the concept of someone breaking under the stress of adapting to an environment that is the complete opposite of what she’d known before, especially with the added pressure of being on the road of becoming the queen of Auradon, but as you may have guessed I find the execution severely lacking. My main gripe is that Mal’s reaction is stupid and goes against what the first movie told us. When you break, you cannot be expected to make great decisions, but Mal went through the trouble of enchanting her scooter to get through the barrier (which makes me ask all kinds of questions about the questionable security of the barrier, but whatever) and then actually went there, and chose to stay there even when her friends came to get her, practicality abandoning all of them even after she had time to calm down and think things through. That’s no longer just the stress. Mal was a better friend when they were all villains who don’t do love than she was when she’d supposedly turned good.

Supposedly, she’s learning to be a good person. But she lies about using magic and then abandons everyone without a word after a freakout where Ben’s clearly not even mad about the magic. She could have left a damn note, said goodbye, explained herself, but no. And that’s me going along with the whole leaving thing at all, but honestly even that’s a massive overreaction. Her issue is the pressure that comes with being the king’s girlfriend, that’s got nothing to do with being good, so why didn’t she just break up with Ben? It would’ve honestly been nicer than not breaking up with him and leaving for the isle forever without telling him where she’s going. This, of course, gets Ben kidnapped by pirates. Mal wants to help save him after making a dumbass bet (which was all kinds of stupid) that forced her to give the pirates Fairy Godmother’s want (idk how it would work inside the barrier that blocks magic but sure) but she still plans on staying on the isle. Okay fine, if that’s where she’s happy, but could she maybe talk to her friends and boyfriend about this at least once?!?! Then of course she goes back to Auradon anyways.

In case you haven’t noticed, everything Mal does in D2 is selfish. Not once does she consider anybody else’s feelings. Only a glimpse in Space Between but that’s a single song and all it comes down to is “we’ll still be together” which, to me, hangs a lampshade on the fact that Mal can leave with her scooter whenever she wants and all the kids stuck on the isle can’t. Nobody considers them, except for the antagonists of the movie. Not once does Mal, who is supposed to have grown from being evil, consider anybody else’s feelings in her decision making. Even accepting she’s going back to her evil upbringing, which could be interpreted as a way to show how abuse victims will often chose what’s familiar over what’s actually good for them, there should be something there to show us she isn’t actually the rotten being she pretends to be. You know, since the whole point of the first movie is that she’s not a bad person but pretending to be because that’s what she’s been taught is who she must be? It invalidates the whole first movie. But it gets even worse, because now we finally get to Descendants 3.

The absolute lowest of lows Mal’s character sees in the trilogy of movies, D3 made me hate her to the core of my very being. Not only does she have the same issue as she did in D2 where all her decisions are driven by selfishness with a callous lack of care for literally anybody else, she now lacks even the paperthin excuse of pressure getting to her. Stress and being overwhelmed can make people do stupid things, which is why I gave Mal leeway and didn’t hate her necessarily. I just didn’t really like her anymore. D3 took that leeway together with any and all character development Mal had over the previous two movies, rolled it up into a ball, and threw it out of a skyscraper’s highest window to splatter it onto the pavement below. One villain (who is her dad) almost gets through the barrier and her immediate reaction is to screw over every single innocent child on the isle and lock the barrier forever?!?! What the fuck is wrong with this chick?! I meant what I said in my post about the descendants boys, Ben should’ve told her that if she thinks the risk of one villain getting out is more important than the lives of thousands of abused children, then by her logic they should throw the kids they’ve already brought over back on there too. After all, there’s a risk they may still want to be villains given Mal’s little freakout in D2, tHe RiSk’S jUsT tOo HiGh! Those villains were dealt with by like- three heroes each. You mean to tell me all of them combined cannot handle that? Bring some guards with you next trip and don’t drag your feet when you close the barrier behind you next time, problem fucking solved! Or don’t tell anyone when you’re gonna go get the kids??? No one followed the core four out, and despite this oh so massive risk Mal’s so worried about she sure as fuck wasn’t worried about opening the barrier to go get Hades’ amber! Then Gil and Harry came out and guess what? They helped the main crew because all they wanted was to get off the isle. Mal didn’t just not oppose this cruel, extreme idea… she came up with it. Supposedly she’s a better person now, but her first reaction to her perfect life being slightly threatened with the possibility of issues (not even ruin, just issues), was to disregard every single child who’s just like her (if not better, because their parents weren’t the literal mistress of evil) and damn them to a life in hell on earth, an existence of nothing but crime and poverty and starvation and abuse! How can she be anything but selfish and mean and cruel with a thought process like that?! Her literal reason is that she wanted to protect her and her friends’s new life! So apparently in her mind, now that she has everyone she cares about off the isle, it’s not worth caring about the isle anymore. She has who she wants off, and fuck everybody else. Then she lies to everybody about it being her idea because she needs Uma and her crew to defeat Audrey, meaning she knows full well that what she’s doing is horribly shitty.

That’s what truly gets me, actually. If she genuinely believed this was the right thing to do, if she truly, 100% believed that there was no better solution and this is what had to be done… why did she lie? Why didn’t she explain herself with good arguments? Well… because there aren’t any. This was the worst possible solution, and she knows that, but it’s the best way to ensure her happily ever after isn’t threatened so who gives a shit? (Everybody else, but clearly Mal doesn’t care about that). She lies so she can use Uma, Harry, and Gil. She lies so her friends won’t get mad at her for her horrible behavior. She lies, because it suits her. Because it gives her the happy ending she wants, and that’s all she cares about. Then when this fails, she decides to go the other extreme route of breaking the fucking barrier so she can be queen of both Auradon and the Isle. That’s her literal reason. She says it herself. Even when she makes a “good” decision, it’s just to serve her. To give her more power. I know the message it’s supposed to send is that bullshit about evil not being inherent but fuck that. I don’t believe it, and I really wish we got to see the moment right after the credits where the villains do what they promised they would: take over Auradon and destroy everything, because some of them were on there for a very good reason. The whole point of the two previous movies was that we shouldn’t judge or condemn people based on what their parents did, but on what they do themselves. I have no idea how that means not judging the parents for their own actions either, and frankly it’s so stupid and shortsighted I’ll leave it there. There’s a reason I completely ignore the ending of descendants 3.

Anyways, what I’m saying is that after the first movie Mal’s character just kept getting worse and worse and I cannot stand her anymore. She’s selfish and mean and doesn’t give a shit about anyone but herself, and the narrative tries desperately to convince us she’s a good person deep down but with everything she’s done I just can’t buy it anymore even though I want to. They began well, with a good story about recovering from trauma, and somehow it ended up with them making trauma survivors look even worse than popular media usually does and I hate it. They tried to write a complex villain protagonist who learned to become a better person and escaped from the family cycle that’s implied to exist in Evil Like Me, which is good, but then they fucked it up. Badly. And I cannot stand Mal’s character with how she’s written, nor can I stomach the massive gap between who Mal is and who the narrative incessantly insists she is.

As you can tell I have many feelings on this, and I have a lot more to say but I’ve tried to not make this too long. I hope you enjoyed reading my rant because it was very cathartic to write :).

[disregardcanon]

yellowjackets disney's descendants au

okay so a quick run down of basic roles. these will not directly correspond to everything but it's a basic framework

how the roles line up

VKs

natalie as mal

jackie as evie

shauna as carlos

van as jay

crystal as dizzy tremaine

AKs

lottie as ben

tai as audrey

jeff as chad charming

misty as jane

laura lee as rapunzel and eugene's daughter <3

akilah as tai's best friend in auradon tiana and naveen's daughter. if she has a corresponding role it's probably lonnie?

mari is a madrigal who hates singing. absolutely ABHORS IT

coach martinez as the tourney coach who is also the coach from airbud because i think that's HILARIOUS.

airbud as dude the dog

travis and javi don't really have corresponding canon roles but they're here and i love them

okay so. here is The Vision

lottie has recently been given the crown of auradon. this is due to absentee parenting from king malcolm and his wife, who are off doing vacations because they had so much fairy tale bullshit over the course of their lives. queen charlotte the first decides that it's unfair for the children of the isle of the lost to suffer for the actions of their parents and does some research about who would be the best to invite to move to auradon to test out a relocation program.

tai is the daughter of sleeping beauty who has issues with supernatural sleepwalking, presumably a strange holdover from her mother's curse. she's not entirely sold on lottie's idea, but she tries to give it a chance, at least. if there's anyone who feels stifled by every bit of auradon's pomp and circumstance and Why Don't You Find a Nice Prince or Nobleman to Settle Down With? it's tai.

lottie, tai, akilah, laura lee, and mari are The Tourney Girls. there are some other extras out there but they are the main ones. airbud is the next most important player. he doesn't talk he's just there barking and being Amazing At The Game. travis is there but he hates it. like, absolutely HATES IT. he is so bad at tourney but there aren't enough good players for his dad not to have an excuse to make him play. tai akilah and mari really resent him for Being There, Sucking, laura lee is kind because she feels like she has to be, but lottie actually really likes him. she doesn't talk shit so travis talks nothing but shit. For Her

javi is always around just chilling in the stands and drawing. he goes to the attached auradon middle school.

misty wants to be the equipment manager and do lots of Cool Things TM for Cool People TM but her mom wants her to do certain fairy things. and she HATES IT.

okay so our VKs

natalie- okay so natalie is mal but she has a different backstory. maleficent did not want to deal with raising a kid, but since abortion does not exist in descendants, she dropped the kid off with her dad and peaced out. the dad was clayton from tarzan and natalie never knows who her biological mom is because her canon mom is around and married to clayton. things go basically the same as yellowjackets canon where a year before the events of descendants clayton is beating her step mom and nat gets the gun and he accidentally puts a bullet through his own head. her "step mom" that she never knew wasn't her bio mom throws her out on the streets with nothing but the name of her bio mom and nat, angry and hurting, goes directly to maleficent's lair. maleficent, who never wanted to have a child, is more than happy to have an angry, powerful teenager who presumably killed her shitty ex.

jackie is evie and mrs. taylor is the evil queen. she grows up with all of evie's Must Be Perfect Wonderful Wife conditioning, the knack for poisoning and subtle manipulation, and the love of fashion, but she has source of solace in-

shauna, from a narrative standpoint, is carlos. she's not cruella's daughter, though. shauna is the daughter of one of cruella's goons (take your pick). on the isle there is a very strong expectation that henchkids become henchmen, and this, of course, does NOT work for shauna shipman and her sixteen different complexes. her dad tries to conscript her into following around and doing cruella's kid's bidding at a young age, and it... does not work for her. she has a violent little outburst and then runs away, living on the street and killing animals to eat for a while. she finds jackie instead. perfect, wonderful, Almost Fit for Auradon princess jackie. they clump together and shauna moves into their castle, under the pretense that she's become jackie's handmaiden. (a princess needs a handmaiden, darling). this chafes too, but with jackie's insistence that it's not true, not their real relationship, not anything tangible, it's a lot easier to ignore. they go to school together everyday at the weird little isle school, and shauna is the top of their class. it's hard for that to feel like it matters, though, when the biggest currency in the outside world is fear and the biggest currency inside is Being Jackie. the resentment still happens and chafes, but it's just simmering. it won't boil over until auradon.

van, from a narrative standpoint, is jay, but she's the daughter of madam medusa from rescuers rather than jafar because. van is so white it could blind you. madam medusa has a junk shop just like she did in the world before the isle, and van spends a lot of her time super athletically stealing for it with a lot of parkour. her mother spends all the time she isn't running the shop collapsed on the couch, just like in van's canon. she doesn't really have anyone her own age until natalie, daughter of maleficent, starts upending the power structures on the island and she decides she wants in. they become fast friends, but it's always "second" and "commander", because van never met a power dynamic that she didn't jump on. they also try their hardest to make things as good as possible for the isle kids in their area, but they refuse to admit that. come on, and look weak? dumb

jackie and shauna end up with nat and van pretty soon after they become a They. natalie wrests control of the taylor castle from jackie's mother and the evil queen refuses to surrender, leading to a bitter siege. jackie and shauna finally come out to try to broker a surrender, but natalie steps on jackie's toes and then jackie turns from Perfect Princess to Top Tier Bitch. and then she's like oh shit oh shit oh sHIT i pissed off maleficent's daughter this is going to be-

and shauna's back here getting her hunting knife out like sure, maleficent's daughter might have magic but if she DIES first then she can't use it- and nat just laughs. boisterous, delighted laughter.

"i think this castle's already got a queen." then she glances over to shauna's no longer concealed knife. "maybe two?" they both blush.

natalie, feared daughter of maleficent, setting the isle into a chaos it hasn't known in more than a decade, holds out a hand.

"Truce?" she asks. then suddenly natandvan becomes natandvanandjackieandshauna and they have half the isle under their collective thumb.

but then the invitation comes from queen charlotte for four children to move to auradon, and suddenly maleficent, who is still the most powerful person on the isle, has a single, itsy bitsy favor to demand from the daughter she so kindly took in after her father's death. who she taught to wield the magic she barely knew existed, who she loved and cherished and fed and clothed-

and a plot to steal the blue fairy's wand and dismantle the barrier is born.

how things go in auradon

natalie is torn between what she feels she owes to her mother and the other denizens of the isle, her friends (who are the most important in this equation), and then her emerging feelings for lottie. lottie who is so kind and who trusts her and is trying so hard for her and her friends, who she's so attracted to but is just using (right, that's all this is? right????) who is trying to make her own shitty society better too.

jackie is finally in the land of the royals and is trying to put all that life training to good use, but it's not... really working. we have something resembling the chad plot with jeff and something resembling the doug plot with laura lee, who thinks that jackie is very kind and deserves to be treated better (though their relationship isn't romantic). shauna is standing at the sidelines and crossing her arms and pouting. fine! if jackie wants to get her heart broken by this dumb auradon boy be my guest! i'll just. go do something else. fuck you

shauna and van both join the tourney team, because it's part of their collective How to Infiltrate Auradon Society and Get Lottie's Good Graces plan. also because shauna is very angry right now and needs a physical outlet and van has been cooped up for too long and is gonna go crazy. they're both good enough to make it and travis is like FUCK YEAH I'M FREEEEEEEE

his dad is very upset about this but shauna and van are way better than him already and it's hard to justify making his son do something the kid doesn't want to when there are better options and the nepotism isn't even wanted.

shauna and javi become friends and she encourages his interest in art like. huh. wouldn't it have been nice to have one singular adult who was nice to me? and then does not examine it beyond that. shauna also befriends tai, who tries to show her all of the things auradon has to offer because shauna is the most obviously Intelligent TM of the isle kids.

van flirts with tai a lot, but neither of them make a lot of progress with that because tai is pretty closeted and van is. not trying as desperately as shauna to try to be acceptable TM here.

by the end of the movie, they all decide that they don't want to use the wand to burst the barrier and talk with lottie about ways to help the other kids integrate over here in auradon instead. lottienat happens first, taivan happens second after van starts to commit to being in auradon and tai starts to commit to Going Against Dumb Auradon Rules like Homophobia (I'M A PRINCESS DAMN IT) and learn more about what's up with her sleepwalking with van and also nat. it takes a really long time for jackie and shauna to work things out because jackie keeps trying to force things with prince jeff and shauna finds better uses of her time and energy than worrying about it, but eventually they come together too. and crystal comes too! and she and misty become besties. and misty does not do any insane things, thnx

[dorothydalmati1]

Obscure Animation Subject #126: Descendants: Wicked World

Another web series from Disney Television Animation! This is a short-form show based on the Descendants TV movies that I’m not personally a fan of.

Wicked World, even by Descendants fans, seems to have a mixed reputation, as it's more “kiddish” from other content in the series to appeal to a younger demographic. And this show isn’t even canon, or at least not fully. It’s more of an AU. But like with the Descendants films, I did not enjoy this show at all. It might be better than the films since there not time-wasters, but there are a lot of episodes where hardly anything happens, just characters talking about their daily lives and maybe there’s a small but very easy to solve conflict in the shorts. The show is boring to watch, yes I’m not the right audience for it, but I’m not going to ease up on the show just because it isn’t for me. Also the CGI quality isn’t bad.

Yeah it sucks but I would rather watch this than the movies this is based on.

[princesssarisa]

7 question ask: Aurora/Briar Rose

Three facts about them from my personal headcanons.

While I don't see her disliking the name "Aurora" the way some fans do, I can imagine her always keeping "Briar Rose" as a nickname, and Prince Phillip calling her that in private.

When she was growing up in the forest, Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather always taught her to think lovingly of her parents. They never told her their names, of course, and they gave her a simplified version of what happened to them – e.g. "They were unable to take care of you, so they entrusted you to us" – but they made sure that she knew how much her parents loved her and thought well of them, to prepare her for the day when she would learn who they were and go back to them.

Prince Eric in The Little Mermaid and Princess Odette in The Swan Princess are both descended from her and Phillip. Probably from two different children of theirs who each married into the royal families of different lands. The Swan Princess obviously takes place first, later than Sleeping Beauty but still in medieval times. Odette could be their granddaughter or great-granddaughter: it's no wonder that she looks so much like Aurora, with such similar luxuriant blonde hair and violet-blue eyes. (Prince Derek's mother, Queen Uberta, was probably also named after the by-then deceased King Hubert.) Eric is a more distant descendent, since The Little Mermaid takes place in the 19th century, but Aurora and Phillip's portrait can be seen in his castle.

A reason they suck: I'll admit that of all the Disney Princesses, she's probably the least developed as a character. It's alright, though, because what we see of her is lovely, and because she's not really the protagonist – the three good fairies are.

A reason they are great: Brief though her characterization is, she still comes across as a person easy to love: joyful, affectionate, romantic, playful, intelligent, dignified even as a peasant girl, and with a magnificent singing voice.

A reason I relate to them: I also enjoy romantic fantasies.

(what I consider to be) the top tier otp/ot3 for that character:

Prince Phillip is her one true love.

Five things that never happened to the character that I believe should have happened:

In a perfect world, that Maleficent had never cursed her.

In the same perfect world, that she had grown up with her parents.

Even if the above couldn't happen, that Flora and Merryweather hadn't accidentally revealed her to Maleficent's raven with their silly pink-vs.-blue wand fight.

That she had brought Phillip home to meet Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather right away instead of telling him to come later that evening. Even though it's probably "seemlier" for her to tell them about him first instead of bringing him straight home, then she and Phillip would have learned each other's identities right away, and much angst would have been avoided.

That she had been given a few lines to speak in the final scene.

Five people that character never fell in love with and why.

King Hubert. He's an old man and he's her true love's father.

Maleficent. She shows no signs of attraction to women, but even if she did, she wouldn't love the villainess who tries to kill her.

King Stefan. No father/daughter incest!

Flora, Fauna, or Merryweather. Again, she likes men, and besides, they're her foster mothers!

Phillip's horse Samson. No bestiality!

[euphoricfilter]

aaa see you get it. tysm for taking the time out to read my rambling. i’m head huncho jm defense squad lmao and i’m so happy to see someone else respect him as all that he is, because he truly is one of the sexiest men ive ever seen. i think 30,000 views of every serendipity and like crazy performance is from me lmaoo. like are you kidding, he looks like a disney prince. your writing is amazing and you have a new follower and fan babe ! hopefully we can both stumble across some written gems regarding jimin soon and if not, i think i can stir some stuff together for him.. lol. i’m actually a writer as well but this blog is for appreciating other writers haha. looking forward to more of your work !! <3 my writing page also started off as a joke but it seems that we always have the best takes on writing and characterization and such regarding the sexuality of whoever they’re writing about lol

have an amazing day gorgeous ✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡ ˚

candy anon !

thank you for even sending it in!! i had some fun thinking about how to word my answers and properly form what i wanted to say!! it’s hard to articulate certain thoughts sometimes, especially when you could talk about a topic for a while or it’s a subject that you can go really deep into because there’s a lot to cover !!

FR jimin is so yummy!! i think kitty gang jimin is like the perfect imagine to encapsulate his identity sometimes. the fun pink hair and rhinestone jacket and the skinny jeans!!! he’s so ARG just wanna give him a smooch and then maybe ask him to boss me around a little bit 🚶‍♀️

the amount of times i’ve watched like crazy is stupid but like he has me giggling and kicking my legs. and omg when filter came out it was a hyperfixation song for me so i had it on repeat for at least 2 hours a day OH and then when the choreo came out i lost a piece of my soul and descended into a new form of evolved human. the girly and the guy mannequins?? i was clawing at the walls

ahhh thank you!! i never know what to say when people say nice things about my writing LMAO i feel like i’m always repeating myself with all the thank yous, and then just thank you doesn’t feel like enough but i can’t give kisses to everyone and that kinda sucks

omg new fan too!! i’ll become your devoted fan in return then 💪

manifesting we both find some yummy jimin fics!!

a writer as well?? you’re so cool 😭 and i’m glad you could at least express your opinion here!! it was really fun to think about so if you have any other topics ever then my inbox is all yours!!

you have an amazing day too!! and remember to take care of yourself, and keep hydrated 💞

[metalandmagi]

I’m once again going to talk about the most insane Disney Channel Original Movie franchise

Hello, and welcome to me screaming about the latest movie in the most bizarre Disney Channel Original Movie franchise ever created, ZOMBIES 3. I’m a grown adult woman, and yet I can’t stop myself from going feral every time they announce a new one of these movies. Every time I think the last one was a fever dream, they make a new one that’s even more colorful and 10x crazier. 

Here are my thoughts with absolutely zero context:

Zed wants to be the first zombie to go to college when his best friend is a literal genius who works for a tech company who any real college would be begging to accept...what the fuck is this movie?

Not only is their school football team pro monsters, but they’re also co-ed!

I’m calling it now, the town’s “most precious thing” is going to be Addison.

DON’T MAKE THE WEREWOLF GUY LIKE ELIZA, SHE’S CLEARLY A LESBIAN! 

We got 10 minutes into the movie before getting a song??! 

THIS MOVIE THAT RELIES ON SO MANY CHARACTERS WEARING WIGS HAS ABSOLUTELY NO BUDGET FOR GOOD WIGS!

I love that no adult in any DCOM knows how to act.

Is one of the aliens non-binary?

Is the alien mothership voiced by RuPaul?

EJ FROM HSMTMTS IS IN THIS MOVIE!? AND HE’S BASICALLY THE SAME CHARACTER?! And Meg Donnelly is going to be in the new season that airs on the 27th...this is begging for a crossover or a meta joke. Something, I’m begging you people!

Okay for real though, No Doubt About It is a bop.

There is a rival school whose mascot is an Eel named Eely and they have a...friendship...rivalry...romance(?) with the Seabrook shrimp?!

Love that they imply that a teenage boy, (Jacey?), has had multiple nose jobs. Also the Aceys are definitely in a polyamorous relationship. 

They named the frozen yogurt place “Coach’s Froyo” 😆😆😆

I see we’re continuing the tradition of Addison punching Zed in the face whenever he surprises her.

I appreciate that we’re not dicking around and drawing out the realization that Addison is part alien. We all knew she was going to be after the second movie’s teaser.

I love that we get a song about aliens invading and a song about interviewing for college in the same movie.

We’ve gotten about 70% less Bucky, and Idk how to feel about that. Also his choice in hats has convinced me that he would be the ideal boyfriend for Ryan from High School Musical.

Why do the judges for this high school cheer off seem so awkwardly horny? Also do they know the aliens are actual aliens...or do they just think that’s their team name? I’m assuming they know...in which case, they seem pretty chill about it.

How does Seabrook afford to have different cheerleading outfits for every competition?

Does this movie have a different choreographer? The cheerleading sequences have so much less energy than the first movie’s. I know the song Addison’s singing has a slower tempo...but the moves are so bland. I guess this is what happens when Bucky isn’t the team captain.

If y’all thought Addison’s white hair wig was bad...get ready for her BLUE HAIR WIG.

Oh wow, Addison is the town’s “most precious thing” who would have guessed?

Addison’s dad is so chill with his wife and daughter being descended from aliens XD These adults went from being extremely racist/species-ist to just shrugging and accepting an alien invasion.

The werewolves in this movie can barely enunciate while wearing their fangs!

I literally don’t care about any of this alien finding utopia bullshit, I just want to see Zed and Addison in college together.

It’s not a ZOMBIES movie without a reprise of Someday.

Addison’s best friend sings literally one solo line in this movie and it’s enough to make me want a whole musical with her as the star. 

Seabrook must exist in a vacuum because these aliens would be real disappointed to find out that Earth sucks as much as it does. 

Werewolf leader and non-binary alien are going to be a thing!? I’m here for it!

Omg Zed and Addison singing the last song around the lightbulbs as a callback to the first movie 😭

I don’t know whether to be happy at the expectation subversion of getting aliens in this town before vampires...or sad that I don’t get to see this universe’s take on vampires.

The message of this movie is that conflict doesn’t have to be bad. Love perseveres, conflict can make us stronger if we come together to face our problems. This makes sense in a vague, idealistic way, but the conflict that the town was facing originally was essentially racism. So...I feel like they might want to rethink that one a little bit. 

I also want to appreciate how non-binary alien’s (I should really remember their name by now) “feelings” for Zed were purely used for comedy and no real drama comes from this. Addison and Zed are a supportive power couple and have literally no conflict with each other throughout the entire movie, even when Addison believes she has to leave him behind.

Overall, the songs are better than the second one’s but still not as good as the first’s. And I wish we’d give up on these movies having a plot and focus on this crazy cheerleading obsessed town again. 

Anyway, I want a million more of these movies. But this one went straight to Disney+ so my fever dream might end here...

[sammygems]

so like, all the Auradon Kids and VK in Disney's Descendants deserve better, except for Mal, because fuck Mal. here's (in my opinions) for why:

Auradon Kids Who Deserve Better

Ben - he deserves better then Mal. Their relationship started because she drugged him, and yes, the spell wore off and wasn't there the majority of their relationship, but that's such a bad start to a relationship. Also, Mal sucks, she runs away from her problems when it becomes too much for her (which yes, stress is difficult, but you don't just run away when things get hard. try talking to someone, take a break, there are so many other ways of dealing with it before running away). Overall Ben deserves a better girlfriend, wife, and queen.

Doug - i guess more screentime/attention from the fandom. he's a good boyfriend to Evie and he loves and supports her. give him more credit god dangit

Chad - THIS BOY NEEDS SOME THERAPY AFTER THE 3RD MOVIE

Lonnie - She deserves to not be fucking whitewashed as fuck. Like, she's the daughter of Fa Mulan and Li Shang, yet her name is fucking LONNIE?? Give her an actual chinese name, good god.

Jane - Now, I love Jane, but she deserved better writing, especially her relationship with Carlos.

Audrey - OH BOY WHERE DO I START?! This girl deserves so much better. Ben did her wrong, Mal did her wrong, her family's disappointment in her for loosing the crown as future queen. I loved that she was the villain of the 3rd movie, but she still deserves so much better. Some of the people in the Descendants fandom hate her for sometimes really dumb reasons too. Btw, her treatment of Chad in the 3rd movie is not ok, I will never say she was in the right for how she threated him.

VKs Who Deserve Better

Jay - He deserves more to his character & screen time in the movies. By the third movie, he was basically turned into a glorified side character.

Carlos - BETTER WRITING. Again, his relationship with Jane mainly deserved better writing, but by the third movie, he also deserved more screentime. Like Jay, he was kinda turned into a glorified side character. Also, Rest In Peace Cameron Boyce, you were gone far too soon.

Gil - I can't really say much for Gil, but I guess a better name??? WHY IS HE NAMED GIL??? HIS FATHER IS GASTON

Dizzy Tremaine - My girl deserved more screentime in the 3rd movie. She's a cute character and I really think she deserves some more attention in the actual movies.

Celia Facilier - Queen of being hyped up as an important character, only to do basically nothing. Also, WHY DID MAL DECIDE "yes, Celia is troubled", we barely were showed anything to get the impression that she was actually troubled.

Harry Hook - Um, hmmm, maybe for that dumbass fanfic backstory of him and Mal being in a relationship?? Like, guys who believe that, IT'S NOT CANON. Also his clear and obvious relationship with Uma needs and deserves to be accepted as canon because IT IS.

Uma - This girl deserves so much better from the fandom. She's a good character, she cares about the other isle kids. Mal sucks and she deserved a better childhood friend then Mal. Also her relationship with Harry needs to be accepted.

Evie - MY GIRL EVIE. She deserves a better best friend then Mal, Mal threated her like shit, both by bullying her AND after becoming friends, still being rude to her. In the 1st movie, when they first arrive at Auradon, Mal makes Evie feel bad for actually being excited to be in Auradon. In the 2nd, Evie is scared of going back to the Isle, but chooses to because Mal is there and she doesn't want to leave Ben alone, only for Mal to be a bitch when Evie shows up. Then in the 3rd, Mal lies to her about the "closing the Isle for good" thing, when she KNOWS Evie wants to help the kids on the Isle. Also, in the first movie, Audrey telling her that Evie isn't a princess was just kinda unnecessary. She deserves so much better.

[silmarillaure]

Ranking the families of Arda

Disclaimer: Since there is so much overlap between many of these prominent families I will try to go by the paternal lines, as that usually determines who your counted among with a notable exception being the descendants of Luthien. Second disclaimer: I won't be including the House of Finwe but rather count his sons's families separately because it makes it easier and because I don't like him.

1. House of Feanor

Take one scroll through my page and you'll immediately know I'm a Feanorian kinnie.

Maglor, Maedhros, and Caranthir are my favorites but I love all these horrible men and will wholeheartedly defend them but C&C might be exceptions.

Still love Celegorm as a character though given how interesting he is. He has the background of a Disney princess since he can talk to animals and had somewhat of fairy godfather yet his fall from grace is down a deeper darker hole than all his brothers and maybe even his father.

2. Mirkwood Royals

Starting off, Oropher himself is rather interesting. Little of his life as a noble in Doriath but after it's fall is where his story truly seems to start.

Now, I have to admit that as someone who descends from colonized people, I do not support colonization in the slightest but Oropher lands on the better end of colonizers. He and his Sindarin people seem to have assimilated into Silvan culture instead of forcing his own upon them. Also, he seems to have been a decent king given he did his best to avoid Sauron but eventually died fighting with the last alliance.

Where to begin with Thranduil. Let me just say he is an iconic character filled with so much charisma and personality. I adore him.

And Legolas, he has a special place in my heart. I loved his vibe from the moment we met him in LoTR. Legolas also proved to me that you don't need to have a tragic backstory(Shut up hobbit movies, his mom could be alive!) or be morally gray to be an enjoyable character.

3. Baggins Family

I love Bilbo. I love Frodo.

I have nothing more to say.

4. House of Finarfin

Finarfin himself, I first underestimated as a character. In comparison to his influential and powerful elder brothers, he seemed so dull. However, the more I read into him, the more appreciation I gained for his character. I also respect that Finarfin seemed to assimilate into his wife's culture and it wasn't only the other way around.

Now, his and Earwen's descendants. I love them all.

5. House of Elros

I suppose all of them are technically members of the House of Fingolfin but since they're humans, I will count them separately.

This family has so many members and not all of them were written about but the ones that were fleshed out were super cool. Elros himself is super interesting given he chose mortality despite everyone he knew and loved at that point was immortal. Vardamir, Elros's son and successor was a cool scholarly dude, Aldarion was literally human Earendil and knew all the cool elf dudes and knew about the threat of Sauron, his daughter Ancalime was an influential badass queen, and finally, Pharazon was a pretty good villain as far as villains go.

5.5. Feanturi + Nienna

I don't know if they should be allowed on this list but I love everything about these three Valar siblings.

6. House of Beor

I care about three characters from the House of Beor and their names are Andreth, Morwen, and Erendis.

I guess I really love long suffering women huh. In all seriousness, I actually think these characters are super interesting and in some cases relatable.

I don't care for the guys though. Before you attack me, let me say I don't hate Beren and think he's a pretty good dude but I just never really connected to his character.

7. House of Fingolfin

Fingon and Aredhel own my heart, I think they're amazing characters. Also, they're both fashion icons.

I love Earendil and his twin boys.

Turgon is an interesting character although he's not one of my faves. Idril's cool I guess.

Maeglin sucks.

8. House of Haleth

I love Haleth and Hurin, and I think Turin is an interesting character.

Everyone else, I don't have an opinion on.

9. Telerin Royal Family

I wholeheartedly love two, maybe four characters from this family. Cirdan, Elwing, Elrond, and Elros.

The twins are already spoken for so let me discuss their mom. Despite being a Feanorian sympathizer, I cannot help but love Elwing. She's an incredibly complex character and I love that about her. I know the fandom characterizes Elwing and Earendil as codependant and while that's probably true to some degree, it doesn't give Elwing enough credit. She didn't sacrifice a possibility of eternal happiness with her elven family for Earendil and she ruled over the Havens of Sirion quite possibly alone while Earendil was off doing hero business.

Cirdan is another awesome underrated character imo. His selflessness is inspiring.

I also want to say I like Celeborn and for some reason I have a soft spot for Olwe but I don't care that much about them, sorry.

Characters from this family I truly don't like Thingol and Dior, and everyone else isn't fleshed out enough for me to have an opinion on.

10. House of Durin

And I finally get to talk about some Dwarves!

I liked Thorin. He made the Hobbit fun and interesting.

I loved Gimli! He's a boss and totally deserved to go to Valinor with his bff.

11. Stewards of Gondor

Boromir and Faramir are awesome.

12. House of Eorl

I love Eowyn with my entire heart. Eomer pretty cool too.

13. Vanyarin Royal Family

Ingwe is low key boring, I'm sorry.

Ingwion is there I guess and close to Finarfin presumably given he fought in the war of wrath.

I like Indis but I don't love her. If her descendants were included this fam would be a lot higher.

[exceptionalzed]

Ranking all Dcoms I have Seen

Hello friends!!

I-I’m…. alive?

So sorry for the long hiatus but, well, you know how school is (it kinda sucks)

Anyway, I’ve decided to start branching out from pure Z-O-M-B-I-E-S content, so for the return, I’m going to be ranking all dcoms I have personally seen with a little snippet of my thoughts about them. Alright,

1. Zombies 3

Amazing, beautiful, absolutely perfect, un ironically hilarious, great songs, out of pocket story. I love it.

2. High School Musical 2

Same as previous, but more gay and slightly less interesting characters.

3. Descendants

Best descendants movie by far, but Mal and Evie > Mal and Ben for sure. Still, a good watch overall. A really interesting and dynamic main cast too.

4. Teen Beach Movie

Very funny, great music. The only reason it’s below Descendants is because I viscerally hate the two main characters.

5. Adventures in Babysitting

I actually liked the Disney remake, which I didn’t expect to. It may just be because I really like Sabrina Carpenter and Sofia Carson but who knows.

6. Princess Protection Program

Really liked this movie when I was a kid, although looking back I don’t really understand why. I wouldn’t want to watch it nowadays but I still think it’s good.

7. Cow Belles

Good movie, my mom and I watched it together a lot. Reminds me a bit too much of Liv and Maddie though.

8. Good Luck Charlie, It’s Christmas!

Honestly a comfort movie for me. It’s not exactly “good” in the slightest but I watched it a lot when I felt sick or anxious so whenever I watch it today it tends to make me feel safe. Also I really liked Good Luck Charlie.

9. High School Musical

I mean it’s alright. A little overrated considering there’s only like… 4(?) good characters.

10. Radio Rebel

Pretty funny at some parts but also just suuuupeer dumb. It’s fine.

11. 16 Wishes

Honestly everything Debby Ryan starred in kinda blurs together for me. Also this one apparently isn’t technically a dcom? It’s okay though.

12. Zombies 2

Good, but not Zombies at it’s best. That’s pretty much all.

13. Descendants 2

Okay descendants… you’re getting worse. You can stop here. The only thing I really remember liking about this movie is Mal and Evie’s relationship getting expanded upon.

14. Zombies

Yeah it’s okay. Not near as good as 2 and 3 but like, I’d watch it happily on my deathbed or whatever.

15. Descendants 3

Had one really good song with Mal and Hades and that’s about it.

16. Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie

Pretty good, actually. I really enjoy the Russo’s family dynamic so seeing them in stressful situations like this and how they responded was fun.

17. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure

Worse than all the regular HSM movies, but it stars Sharpay so obviously it’s still alright.

18. Cloud 9

I think I remember liking this movie solely cause it had dogs in it.

19. Camp Rock

It’s… okay.

20. Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension

Yeah I didn’t like this movie. I mean, like I could watch it again and be pretty happy but I really just did not enjoy the plot. Reminds me of that one futuristic sci-fi Jessie episode but worse.

21. Frenemies

Uh… I think I liked this movie? I dunno it was okay.

22. How to Build a Better Boy

This movie creeped me out so much when I first watched it. Will never be watching it again. Had a nice song though.

23. Bad Hair Day

I don’t remember much about this movie other than that I didn’t hate it but like, I also reeeaaaally didn’t like it. So…

24. Zapped

This movie also creeped me out, less than How to Build a Better Boy did, but the plot of this one somehow was worse.

25. Teen Beach 2

Everything about this movie is good except for the ending. It’s like Bayonetta 3, amazing until the ending destroys every last bit of happiness your soul contained.

26. The Cheetah Girls 1, 2, and One World

I don’t actually know if these are good movies or not, I literally just don’t remember one single detail from these movies other than than that Raven-Symoné was in them (and don’t get me wrong, I love Raven-Symoné). I watched all of these movies one day when I was sick out of school and then never watched them again.

27. Invisible Sister

I think I fell asleep halfway through this one? I don’t know, but I’m not a huge fan of the two main actors either.

28. The Suite Life Movie

Literally so bad. Look, I’m not normally a fan of movie specials for shows, but this was the absolute worst. I wish I had never watched it.

29. Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam

Horrid. Horrid Acting. Horrid characters. Horrid Music. Horrid story. I hate it.

Anyway, there’s some stuff I would probably move around if I had seen more of these movies recently, but some I legit haven’t seen since elementary school.

[silverloreley]

Hello! Random question: What specific villains do you headcanon as being on the Isle of the Lost who weren't confirmed to be there (i.e. Prince Hans of the Southern Isles would presumably be on the Isle, as the antagonist of Frozen, although he was never mentioned in any of the movies/books/webisodes)?

Well, to be honest, I don't think anything after Tangled is canonically in Descendants. In fact, I think Frozen, Moana, Raya, Encanto, the Fairies movies, and a few other things, should be counted out of the Descendants' universe canon.

From what can be deduced from canon (movies/books/webseries), the Villains we didn't see mentioned but should be there could/should be:

Monsieur D'arque (BatB, the owner of the asylum)

Nasira (Jafar's sister, pretty much canon give the existence of Jay's cousin Jade. Jade can't be his maternal cousin because he canonically doesn't know who his mother is)

Morgana (Ursula's sister from the second movie)

Varian and Cassandra (Tangled the Series, which I have not seen though. I know they redeemed themselves at the end, but Auradon's purity culture don't seem to consider that, think of Iago and Anastasia Tremaine, just to say a few)

Kronk (same reasoning as above)

Sarouch and Madeleine (The Hunchback of ND 2)

Magiafuoco (from Pinocchio, Stromboli in the eng version)

Lucignolo (Lightwick in the eng version, he was a thief other than a runaway)

The Cat and Fox (I don't remember the ridiculous english names and I don't want to look it up, they're from Pinocchio too)

Mor'du (Merida is mentioned in the 3rd book)

Prince John, the Sheriff of Sherwood and the corrupted /complacent guards, the tax collectors and so on.

The Huntsman (Snow White) too, I suppose.

But there's canon and, you know, there's the fandom, and we get to choose.

So I'd add:

Hans (from Frozen, because yes. I also decided Arendelle is part of Auradon, the Northuldra Forest is not. One day I'll finish my fic and you'll know what I mean)

Shuriki and her entourage, plus all the minor villains from Elena of Avalor (yes, Esteban too, I think we agree on that)

You alredy know what I think of the matter of Bruno Madrigal.

Zarina (from the Pirate Fairy, for having been complicit of the pirates in the past)

Madame Medusa and Mr Snoops (The Rescuers)

Percival Mc Leach (The Rescuers 2)

Amos Slade (from The Fox and the Hound)

The Horned King (Black Cauldron. I guess. I have never seen the movie)

Commander Rourke and Helga Sinclair (Atlantis)

Alameda Slim (Home on the Range, that movie is absurd and I love it)

Namaari and her mother (Raya, see above for the reasons)

probably Maui too, since he was the one who caused Te Fiti to turn evil, but of course Te Fiti couldn’t be caught so Maui would be the next best scapegoat (did I say Auradon justice system sucks?)

Rasputin (Anastasia, Disney bought the rights so he could fit in)

I don’t like Nightmare Before Christmas, but Oogie Boogie too, I suppose, is a Disney Villain

Ernesto de la Cruz (Coco. He was revived along with all the old Villains)

If we add Live Action movies (not just the remakes), we may also add:

Nerissa (Enchanted, even if she died in New York, it's established Andalasia and our world are connected enough)

The Grand Duke from Cinderella

Teodora and Evanora aka the Witches of East and West (Oz the great and powerful)

The Sanderson Sisters (Hocus Pocus)

The banker William Weatherall Wilkins (Mary Poppins Returns)

Vizier Nizam (Prince of Persia)

I think it’s everyone I can think of.

[themousefromfantasyland]

I kinda like Descendants, but the whole franchise is almost a rip-off from Mattel’s Ever After High. Said that I think Auradon is such a cool concept.

One of the most difficult parts about Disney’s fanfics is that, while crossovers between Disney characters are super common in canon media, it’s hard to write them in fanfics because some of them live hundreds of years apart. Some solve the problem by depicting the characters living in the Disney Parks or modern-day settings, but that almost always forces the loss of the settings that their films originated from.

Auradon solves that because it’s essentially a patchwork of all the countries and lands from Disney films in a single continent, and better, it gives the continent a name that doesn’t completely suck.

Of course, that creates its problems, especially about historical periods, but they can be hand-waved pretty easily with a few changes in the source material. Maybe Mulan didn’t come from actual China, but a similarly named empire in a parallel world that has magic. That would even explain some anachronisms in the original film. Maybe Arthur didn’t come from England but from a magical land named Camelot. England could instead be the name of the land that Alice, Wendy, Basil, and Jane are from. With a few changes, Cruella could fit into that land as well.

Here’s a map from Auradon from one of the Descendants’ supplement materials, and beyond the frustration I have that none of these locations were used in anything, here are a few observations.

The first thing to note is that Arendelle is indeed part of Auradon, and it is close to Weselton. It’s also a very strange decision to put these lands so up North, but still super close to Agrabah, which is only separated from them by what appears to be the Great Wall of China. It seems that in Auradon, the areas inspired by Arabic and Chinese folklore are located way up North.

Ariel and Eric’s kingdom appears to be close to Notre Dame, that in this universe appears to be also the name for the whole city, completely dissociating it from Paris. There’s also a certain Melody’s Castle near Ariel and Eric’s castle, which could confirm that Melody exists in the Descendants’ universe.

Neverland is way up north, close to Auradon’s coast and near the Great Wall of China. So, Neverland is close to China in this world.

There’s a certain Bayou de Orleans on this map. I don’t know if this confirms that New Orleans exists in this universe, or if Tiana came from a fairy tale kingdom that kinda resembles New Orleans.

And to finish, my favorite geographical abnormality in this map. The only thing that separates Snow White’s kingdom, a German-inspired land, from Mulan’s China is a chain of mountains, one of which is Mount Olympus, from Mediterranean Hercules. And never forget that in Auradon the so-called Scandinavian Mountains are up north of China’s Wall.