#also conversations I have on twitter are pleasant

[flashdoesahundredyarddash]

Me sharing this first on Twitter and then walking over to Tumblr to post.......

POV...your friend who you're in love with gets a star sapphire ring after saving you...

literally....literally swooning. Hal, he LITERALLY swept you off your feet in battle...

[wingzie]

The Definition of Jikook: Through Others Eyes

“Becca, how would you define Jikook?” In the last few months I have been asked this several times. And not by Jikookers. Since my bad experiences with offline events, I decided (in typical “me” fashion) to just throw myself out there and keep moving forward. This included joining more Twitter GC’s or Discord Servers and going to more offline events. In one of the most recent events, I lived locally and wanted to help. Therefore, I offered to escort some anxious Army from the train station to the venue.

Anyway, I was still cautious about going and, though there were a few odd moments, the event went really well overall. Something else kindled during this event that I did not expect: The desire to talk more about jikook. Before, even mentioning Jikook as a unit and not as Jimin and Jungkook was almost seen as a taboo. Especially compared to the other units that we are familiar with. Due to me no longer giving a damn and using my main twitter account, people relating to the event knew who I was and they had questions. Very interesting questions. About Jikook. About their enlistment. About the travel show. This was a pleasant surprise and it shocked me that some of these people already knew quite a lot without me telling them anything. Including some information that I thought was only in the Jikook circles. I asked one person why they didn’t talk about Jikook as much on Twitter and they said because they were scared with all the shipper fights. Which is quite valid really. If all you see whenever Jikook is mentioned is constant fighting, then you would distance yourself. It made me realise something though: 

Even if someone isn’t talking about Jikook. They are still watching and are very much aware of what is going on.

Sometimes we amplify the wrong things and we give the loudest voices to the negative comments. When I do the Live Reactions series, I will sometimes have hundreds of positive screenshots to go through and then(somehow) pick twenty-five of them for the thread. It was really interesting to see so many people talking about Jungkook going Live whenever Jimin went overseas or about the travel show. It also reminded some of moments that were sadly forgotten about.

This touches on something else too. Our traditions as a fandom have somewhat changed. With the removal of the social media awards, we no longer boost BTS’ history like we used to. Elon has also changed how we find content, with the removal of “moments” and advanced searching now being really difficult to find things. There is still hope though. With Jin’s return, it was lovely to see so many asking about Jin as a person or how Festa would work. Sharing old memories and watching Bang Bang Con together added so much value to our experiences together as a fandom.It’s something we should treasure. 

BTS have shared so much with us and it’s why I’ll forever be thankful for archive accounts. With every post or comment shared with others, we encourage them to learn more about the members or to watch content they may not have seen before. I experienced this myself when I mentioned Bon Voyage to someone who didn’t know what it was. They had only watched “In the Soop” and were excited by the concept of the members going abroad together. I hope they enjoy it!

Going back to Jikook, I have seen an increase of positive engagement surrounding them. This includes in both online and offline spaces. It makes me excited for when the travel show comes out and the conversations it will create, with so many already floating around. When I am asked how I define them myself, I try to turn it around. It doesn’t matter what I think about Jikook or how I define them. That should be obvious by my account. What matters is how others do and the respect that it holds.

[jahanmp4]

I'm seeing a lot more people talk about the QSMP fandom situation over on Twitter and let me tell you :

It's not worth it.

Twitter can be as amazing and creative as it is a cesspool of all the worst people ever. Talking about wanting eggs (basically kids) to die getting 7k likes like it's nothing and then saying "Calm down it's just blocks". Spare yourself the pain of going on the bird app for QSMP. I only go there to check out fanarts and then move on, it's better for your well-being I'm telling you. People are much better at having civilised conversations over on Tumblr <3

Also, the block button is an amazing feature (in both apps but I'll focus on Tumblr here). Nothing personal, sometimes you don't want to see some people talk about topics that annoy you, it only takes a few clicks. I know I'm not learning y'all anything new but a reminder that you should be kinder to yourselves and curate a timeline that's pleasant for you. Take care, think of your fav egg or cubito in a flower field okay ? :D

[ichorai]

hell, yeah ; roman roy ; part five (m).

pairing ; roman roy x f!reader

synopsis ; pain was an old friend for the both of you.

words ; 10.9k

themes ; angst, fluff, drama, slowburn, smut, childhood friends to lovers

warnings / includes ; depictions of mental and physical abuse, mentions of death, a lot of sexual/suicidal jokes and general foul language, a lot of business talk, unprotected penetrative sex, roman’s implied demisexuality, dick pics and weddings

a/n ; and that's the end of s3!

series masterlist. main masterlist.

Roman had gotten into the habit of sending you pictures of his dick every now and then. Apparently, having sexual intercourse with Roman also entailed an afterparty consisting of dick pics and filthy messages. Not that you weren’t enjoying them, he really had a pretty cock—but you were growing increasingly paranoid that people, maybe hackers, maybe curious coworkers looking over your shoulder, were going to find out about the salacious pictures and texts he’d been sending you. And how bad would it look to have people find out your boss was sending you pictures of his penis? 

Maybe it was his way of getting you to stay. Really, it just translated to: Hey, look at my dick! Remember this? We fucked, do you remember that? Do you like it? Please tell me you like it.

You found it strangely endearing, in a way. A lot of emphasis on strange.

And now, as you were just settling into the lovely, spacious room in Italy for Caroline’s wedding, your phone buzzed in your pocket. 

Another dick pic. How lovely. You smiled down at your screen as you replied with:

looking great ro :)

A second later, you asked: you going down for welcome drinks?

Yup, he texted back. I’ll come by.

Not three minutes later, he swung your door open without bothering to knock, peeking his head through. He was dressed in rather casual attire for a wedding event—pale blue slacks, a white shirt, and an unbuttoned canary-hued top. 

“You dressing down as a way to tell your mom you don’t approve?” you queried as you smoothed down your own pantsuit, a soft shade of purple over a cream turtleneck. 

“Fuck you. You look great, by the way. Like a jizzed-up grape,” Roman snorted, linking your arm with his when you stepped out. “I need to talk to her about getting a prenup—this Munion character is a walking fucking sinkhole. Shiv is being an avoidant bitch about it.”

A hum fell from your lips as the two of you began making your way downstairs and out to the gardens, where the event was taking place. “Shiv’s always been more prickly when it comes to Caroline. It’s a warped mirror to her, you know?”

“She’s my mom, too. I get it,” Roman said with a shrug. He didn’t, not really.

The two of you spotted Caroline chatting with Peter, and you nudged Roman into their direction. After pleasant greetings were exchanged (well, less pleasant on Roman’s end), you excused yourself from the rather tense atmosphere to go walk around and grab a few drinks and bites of food. You knew Roman would be confronting Caroline on the prenup and his distaste for Peter, and you really didn’t want to be around for that hot mess.

Instead, you found yourself engaged in a lovely conversation with a pretty, raven-haired woman about the last book you’ve read, genuinely interested in what she had to say. The joy was short-lived, however, because Shiv stormed up to you, only barely apologizing to the woman before dragging you away.

“What? What’s going on?” you asked, incredulous. 

“Check Matsson’s Twitter. Jesus. What the fuck is going on, do you know? Is this a move of some sort?” 

Pulling out your phone, you quickly opened up his profile, reading the latest tweet. 

Going to Macau. Feeling lucky. 

You narrowed your eyes. Soon enough, Gerri and Roman appeared, the former looking apprehensive and the latter in more denial. 

“It could be nothing,” Roman said, which made Shiv narrow her eyes. “Fucking social media fireworks.”

“He’s always been one to tweet bullshit when he’s high off his ass,” you tried to reason, reading the five words over again. “Remember that time he said he was going to release his sex tape? That blew over in a few days.”

Clearing her throat, Gerri argued back, “Well, yeah, it could be bullshit. Or it could be him trying to up his price.”

“Is he just rocking the boat or is he trying to blow up the deal?” Shiv asked. 

From behind his wife, Tom chimed in, “Maybe he’s just going to Macau, and he just happens to feel lucky.”

Roman stepped away to leave Matsson a voice message, because none of his calls were going through. You sucked in a breath, wondering if you wasted an entire evening at Kendall’s disaster of a birthday party just for Matsson to fuck you over the ass. 

God, you hated him.

After sending a few messages, Roman popped up beside you. “I don’t know, he’s a fucking trickster. It’s nothing.”

“Mmkay, so is he going to steal our watches and saw the fucking deal in half?” Shiv deadpanned.

“Hm. Maybe,” Roman reluctantly drawled.

A frown pinched her lips thin. “You’re supposed to be inside this, Roman.”

“I am inside this. Leave it. Why don’t you go find someone else’s dick to tug on? Oh, sorry Tom, didn’t see you there.” 

They were bickering like children, as they often did. Tom blinked in mild confusion.

“Hey, okay, why don’t we get in contact with his PR team instead of him? They’re supposed to be working with us on this. None of this should be leaking onto personal accounts until the deal is met,” you calmly said. Gerri nodded, sending message after message to Karolina to get on their asses.

Though, it was far harder to stay calm when Kendall approached the group, face sullen, his phone held out to show Matsson’s twitter. To your surprise, his head was now shaven.

“Matsson going nut-nut, huh?” It was said as if it was supposed to be a joke, but his voice was monotonous, and his exterior cold. “Keep a hold of that shit, bro.”

“It’s all under control, motherfucker,” Roman hissed. “And where are you off to? Going to go score some junk in Naples?”

Kendall didn’t show any reaction to that. “No, just our mother throwing me out of her party.”

“Oh,” Roman replied. “Nice.”

“Where are my kids?” Kendall asked, before wandering off to go search for them.

Rolling his eyes, Rome snickered, “What a surprise—Ken doesn’t know where his kids are.”

“SEC is going to be all over this,” Gerri said, shaking her head. 

“Ooh, gummy love bite from the fucking toddlers. I’m so scared,” Roman scoffed. “I think he likes us, I do. I can feel it in my gut.”

Pulling a sour face, you told him, “I really don’t think we should be banking the future of the company on your gut, Rome.”

It was then that Matsson tweeted again. This time, it was just three emojis: a game controller, crossed fingers, and an eggplant.

“He’s fucking us,” you muttered, which made Roman’s head jerk in your direction. 

“Nah, come on. Don’t be so paranoid—we’re good. I think we’re good!” Roman insisted. 

Brows raised, Shiv asserted, “Yeah, well if he blows this deal, then who is left for us, exactly?”

Before Roman could reply, you all caught sight of Logan making his way through the crowd, Marcia hanging off one arm and Kerry trailing behind the two of them.

“Jesus. He really doesn’t give a single, solitary fuck, does he?” snickered Roman, gaze following after his dad.

Caroline wove through to stand in front of you and Shiv, inviting the two of you to the bachelorette party. Shiv fumbled with protests, but Roman had insisted she went. When Caroline looked to you expectantly, you nodded your head and told her you’d be there, but not without a reluctant glance in Roman’s direction, who rubbed your back in an almost consoling manner.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be spying on you guys with a pair of binoculars,” he leaned forward to whisper.

“Not creepy at all, Roman. You sure know how to charm me.”

Nearly an hour later, the bachelorette party set off a little ways away from the hotel. There were drinks, there was gossip, and there was laughter. By nightfall, the party began to fizzle away, and you were more than ready to head back to the hotel. Find Roman and rope him into sleeping next to you, like he often did.

Though, as you descended down the stairs of the building the bachelorette party was occupying, you weren’t all that surprised to see Roman leaning against the bannister, a rogue smile on his lips.

“Have fun up there?” 

“Mhm.” You kissed his cheek once, then another time for good measure. He smelled like limes and expensive cologne. You liked the limes more than the cologne.

“Not too much fun, I hope.”

You snorted. “Were you waiting for me here?”

“No, I just really like loitering around Italian streets at three in the morning.”

There was a warm sort of feeling simmering within your chest. “It’s only eleven o’clock, Roman.”

“Close enough.”

Roman rather liked the way your hair had gotten a little more tousled as the night passed on. You muffled a yawn, leaning against him as the two of you set off for the hotel.

“Matsson?” you asked tiredly, voice hoarse with overuse.

“He left me a message—said the tweets were just fucking around. You were right. As always. Lawyers gave him the spooks—he’s flying back to Switzerland.”

You hummed again, pleased. “Good. You did good, Roman.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you told him, soft. “And what about your dad? How’s he taking it?”

“Gerri says Dad thinks Matsson is trying to fuck him. I don’t know. He’s just gotta ride it out,” Roman said, shrugging. “They want me to go save the deal. Go see him.”

“You’re leaving me alone in Italy?” you crooned, laughing slightly. 

Without hesitation, Roman offered, “Come with me. Can get you away from Mumsie and her nosy little fingers.”

You pulled a wince. “Mmh, no thanks. Didn’t like the way Matsson eye-fucked me the entire time I sat near him at Kendall’s party. Don’t want a repeat of him getting distracted.”

“Good to know I didn’t just imagine that,” Roman murmured. His head drooped, hair dropping over his forehead.

There was a moment of silence, interrupted only by a few people passing by, cheering in broken Italian. Drunk party guests, you assumed.

“What’re you thinking? Like—is Matsson… is he good for us?” 

“No,” you said, much quicker than Roman had expected. “I don’t like him. He’s a flight risk. But he’s big—it would be a huge fucking deal acquiring GoJo. As in, change the company fundamentally, kind of a big deal. Could be good for the company in the long run, maybe. I don’t see us working well with Matsson, though.”

Roman studied your side profile, eyes roaming the bridge of your nose, your drooping eyelids, your parted lips. It was dark, but the moon’s glow seemed to light up the most beautiful parts of you. Or maybe it was just the Italian air. 

“Well, I guess we’re just gonna have to see.”

“Yeah.” You yawned again. 

“Okay, yeah, come on, sleepy. I don’t have the arm strength to carry you there.”

Matsson wanted a merger of equals. You should’ve guessed, with how he was talking at Kendall’s party, not wanting another man’s shadow looming over him. And… asking about Logan’s death.

“I hate that guy,” you mumbled to Roman as the two of you walked to the meeting room, where Logan had called for everyone to assemble. “The nerve of him…”

“I think it’s off the table but… Gerri’s pressuring me to push the deal forward. I’m already so stressed I’m jerking dust.” He rolled his shoulders and frowned. “Think Dad’s gonna eat it?”

You spared him an unsure glance. “I mean, what other choice does he have?”

With a heavy sigh, Roman swung open the glass door and the two of you filed into the meeting room. Logan waved for you to take a seat. Around the table was Gerri, Kerry, Shiv, and Tom—Karl and Frank were on call, displayed on a big screen TV. You sank down beside Gerri, with Roman across the table from you.

“Now, before we get the whole circus here, I wanna get a sense of what’s going on,” Logan announced. “Is he a Twitter panty-flasher? Or is he a serious person?”

“Uh, well, he is a serious person,” Roman said, which earned him a disbelieving scoff from Shiv. “But, Dad, he thinks there’s value that hasn’t been priced in yet. He’s gunning for a merger of equals. So I guess that kills it, right?”

“What? A merger of equals?” Shiv parroted, staring at her brother as if he’d grown a second head.

“Well, yeah. He’s got, like, twelve of the prime Asian sports leagues under GoJo’s belt, and he’s gonna fold it all into the platform. Live sports, games, betting—it’s a fucking growth bomb.”

Narrowing her eyes, Shiv hesitantly broached, “Okay, but… fifty-fifty board, all stocks? Dad, what, splits control?”

“Yes, Siobhan,” Roman exasperatedly said. “That’s what he wants.”

Everyone looked to Logan, who was silent for a few moments. There was a contemplative look to his gaze.

“But the guy isn’t a fuckhead?” he asked Roman.

“Oh, no. The tweeting was a move.”

Logan leaned forward, resting his large hands on the table. “He’s not some big baby who shits for clicks?”

“No, Dad. He’s, uh, he’s—I know people, Dad. I’m a fucking people sniffer.” 

Shiv was glaring at her brother, and you pursed your lips. 

“Because I can win any round with a boxer fuck, but I don’t know how to knock out a clown,” Logan deadpanned. 

“He’s not a clown, he’s a tough motherfucker,” Roman insisted. “It’s what you would’ve done, right? He just maximized his leverage.”

Still not happy with the whole ordeal, Shiv shook her head. “Yeah, but merger of equals? That sounds ridiculous!”

“No such thing,” Logan gruffed.

Tom, by his right, nodded in agreement. “Always a top dog.”

“Family stake will be seriously diluted,” Karl warned, his voice crackling on the call.

“Could be just an on-paper thing,” you added. “Real control rests on the family if we negotiate who gets board seats.”

“Yeah. We could still be the puppy-fuckers here,” said Roman. “I think Matsson would let us craft it so that we keep balance of the board. He just wants the freedom and the status. GoJo Royco, I mean, who gives a fuck? Let him have the logo, we take the wheel.”

Sensing her father was being swayed, Shiv finally caved. “I mean, it would be real-scale. It’s a legitimate way of staying relevant.”

Frank and Karl weren’t happy, seeing as a merger of equals would threaten their positions with newer, better replacements. You almost laughed upon seeing Frank’s pixelated, unsure features.

“Dad and Gerri, you guys would stay with your hands on the tiller. Their price rise is real! It’s a proper fucking streamer. Would save that sector of Waystar completely. The future is really boiled down to: movies, TV, music, games, sports, eSports, VR, AR, betting—fucking everything for everyone, and Matsson can get us there,” Roman argued.

With a slight dip of his head, Logan said, “We can’t afford to walk away now. This is our crutch. Must be worth a conversation, son. Call in the team. Let’s get the banker fucks on this.” 

Roman grinned victoriously, his eyes meeting yours. 

You smiled back, pulling out your phone to shoot him a text.

you’re a fucking champ rome

The GoJo bankers began to file in, and you put your phone away. Roman’s buzzed on the table, and he glanced down at the screen, beam unwavering. He shot you a sly look, before tapping his keyboard a few times, deciding now was a good time to send you the picture of his hard dick he’d taken early in the morning, while you were still asleep.

dinner to celebrate? eat this, fuckface

He watched you expectantly, but you were busy greeting one of the bankers, shaking her hand. And then, his father’s phone buzzed. Logan slid on his reading glasses, clicking on the new text notification from his son.

Dread sank down to the pits of his stomach once he realized what he’d done.

Oh, fuck.

Logan stared angrily at his son, who sunk further down on his chair. You were still chatting to the banker, but halted the conversation when Logan suddenly stood up. 

“I need five,” he said.

And with that, he was gone. That was the quickest you’d seen him walk in a long time.

Shiv shot you and Roman a confused look, before following after him. 

You excused yourself, too, rounding the table to put a hand on Roman’s shoulder. To your confusion, he seemed to jerk away from your touch. 

“Hey, what—? Rome, what’s going on?”

He sucked in a breath, letting you pull him out of the meeting room. The two of you stood in the hallway, just a few feet away from the conference room Shiv and Logan had disappeared into.

“I maybe might have sent Dad a, uh, a picture of my dick,” Roman nervously said, scratching at the back of his head. His arms seemed to shake.

“Oh,” you replied, far too stunned to say anything else. “Were you… was it for…”

“Yeah. It was for you. Fuck.” 

The two of you stared at each other. 

“Will he… oh, Rome. Fuck.” You didn’t know what else to say. Logan wouldn’t hurt Roman with GoJo right in the next room, right? 

But you weren’t so sure.

Inside the conference room, Shiv winced to her dad whilst handing his phone back, “Yeah, he sent you his dick by mistake.”

“Well, that was pretty obvious.”

“It was meant for Y/N,” she said. “He calls her fuck-face all the time.”

Logan’s brows furrowed. “Y/N?”

“Yeah, they’re… they’re weird with each other. Everyone knows. Frankly, I think it’s fucking disgusting.”

“Yeah? They fucking?”

Shiv spluttered for words. “I don’t really—I don’t—I mean—” She shook her head. “Regardless, this… this is grounds for a potential lawsuit. Boss sexually harassing his employee kind of situation.”

Logan took his glasses off. “Isn’t this Roman just being Roman? They’ve been good pals since babies.”

Shiv chose her words carefully. “No. No, Dad, I think this could be a potential problem. This could be bad for us, you know. Y/N could use this as blackmail if she wanted to. And Roman, he’s… he’s a loose canon. People say he used to get jerked off by his personal trainer.”

It was then that Logan bellowed Roman’s name so loud, the very walls seemed to shake. Roman flinched, and you gently patted his arms, urging him to go.

“Put in a good word for you,” Shiv told her twin as he hurried in.

Roman twisted his hands nervously, only barely managing to catch the phone that Logan angrily slid over. 

“Are you a sicko?” Logan asked, voice harsh. “What is this? Why do you send them?”

“Jesus, Dad…” Roman sucked in a breath. “It’s just—you know, we’re… it’s like, here’s my dick, or whatever.”

His brows cinched. “What? Like a ‘fuck you’?”

“No, it’s just… people send each other pics of their dicks. It’s no big deal.”

“No big deal?”

“Yeah, it’s fucking normal. You ever heard of dick pics, Dad?”

Rolling his eyes, Logan retorted, “Well we do publish a number of popular newspapers, so yes, son. We probably invented the fucking words. But why?”

Roman’s mouth opened and closed. He shrugged. “I don’t know, Dad. It’s just something people do.”

“You have a problem, son?” Logan asked, watching Roman like a hawk would its prey. “What happened to that nice piece of tail you were with?”

“Uh, Tabitha? Yeah, she’s… she’s not really in the picture anymore. We had a few issues.”

Logan frowned. “She wasn’t messy. Y/N is messy. She’s a good girl, don’t get me wrong, but she’s messy.”

“Well, uh…” Roman shrank under his father’s glare. “I like her.”

“Oh, you like her? Fucking solves everything, doesn’t it? It’s one thing for you two to be plastered all over gossip tabloids. It’s another thing entirely for it to be real. And I don’t like things going on that I don’t know about.”

It didn’t go past Logan’s notice when Roman’s voice cracked a bit. “It’s all fine. Nothing’s going to happen. We’re… we’re friends.”

A terse second of silence. Roman worked a hand over his jaw.

“Go on. Fuck off.” 

Roman made his way to the door. “So, what’s… what’s going to happen?”

“You end it. Or you fire her. Whichever is easier for you, son.”

A pained look crossed Roman’s features. “Well, uh, I’m not a radical feminist or anything, but I think, maybe, we shouldn’t fire her for getting pictures of my dick?”

“Then you end it.”

Roman cleared his throat. He lingered by the doorway as if he had something else to say, but he eventually turned on his heel and left the room.

Meanwhile, Shiv had beckoned you out of the hall to sit in a different room, her expression contorted into one of false security.

“What’d he say?” you asked her. “Is he… did he get a—?”

“Yeah. Roman’s dick. Real classy,” she replied, before beckoning you out of the hall to sit in a different room. “So… I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

You tilted your head. “Uh, yeah. It’s fine, Shiv, really.”

“Uh-huh. Has this kind of thing happened before?”

You studied her, eyes narrowed. “I don’t know. Can’t really remember.”

“Right, yeah, of course. But if it did… did you ask him to stop?”

Fed up, you held your hands out. “Listen, Shiv, I’m not going to give a statement to you. I wouldn’t jeopardize Roman or the company like that.”

“Yeah, but it’s not like you were welcoming these, right? Because that would be… an abuse of power on Roman’s end, wouldn’t it?”

You drew yourself back. “Roman and I are friends. Nothing happened.”

“Okay. Yeah, sure. Things are just really delicate right now. Can’t afford to fuck up, right? Do you want to make a formal complaint about this situation? You’re the victim here, Y/N.”

“Woah, uhm… can I have some time to think about it?”

Humming, Shiv nodded. “Of course. Just know that… you should really report this to HR. It’s a big deal, this.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Shiv.” You hesitantly turned away, biting down on the inside of your cheek anxiously. You stood out of the meeting room for a second, trying to compose yourself. Plastering on a professional smile, you swung the door open and stepped inside.

Late that night, long after the meeting had ended, Roman slipped into your room, making sure nobody was around to see. 

He kissed you then, fingers cradling your face as if he was expecting you would crumble away right in front of him. When you pulled away, hands lightly pushing at his chest, he mumbled that he needed this.

And so you let him pull you apart. Kissing you, touching you, holding you. 

Your clothes were gone at some point—you hadn’t even registered taking them off, and he guided you over his lap. You rode him then, slow and steady, his hands roaming over your sides. Your foreheads were touching, the both of your moans muffled into kisses.

It was much more intimate than the last time the two of you had sex—Roman shook beneath the pads of your fingers, rife with fear. Sex was fine, but intimacy… that scared him more than anything. But he felt safe with you. It felt right with you.

And, this time it didn’t feel like Roman had a point to prove. 

He came first, his lips wrapped around one of your nipples, teeth sinking into the flesh of your breast, panting wetly against your skin. You were close to follow, shuddering against him, your hips slowly rocking to a grinding halt.

You left to clean yourself up a minute later, and came back to Roman sprawled over the bed, half-asleep.

You laid down beside him and brushed the hair away from his forehead.

“Dad told me to fire you,” he mumbled, almost slurring his words. “If I didn’t want to break up with you, that is.”

“Break up?” you echoed. “But we aren’t together.”

“Right. Sure, yeah.” He sounded hurt, but he wrapped his arms around you, nonetheless.

With no hesitation, you curled your leg up over his. “You gonna fire me, Romey?”

“No. You’re the only thing that makes sense in this fucking shitstorm.” 

“Okay.” You pressed a chaste kiss to his forehead. You were never really worried on that end. “Then I guess we’ll just have to be less… open and affectionate in public. It’ll blow over eventually. We’ll fade away, and nobody’s going to care.”

Roman squeezed his eyes shut. “Okay.”

The two of you fell asleep like that, entangled in each other, dreaming of tooth necklaces and strawberry popsicles.

The next morning, you heard from Shiv that Kendall had nearly drowned himself in the pool while everybody was at the meeting, and he’d stayed over at the hospital overnight. At your worried expression, she reassured you that he was fine. One too many limoncellos, apparently.

To make matters all the worse, GoJo’s market cap had overtaken Waystar’s, and they were apparently also considering other options. Roman and Logan were off to go see Matsson to make sure he wasn’t pulling the plug. You mumbled a low good luck to Roman, not wanting to do or say anything else with his father watching the two of you like a vulture.

Hours later, when he returned, there was a slightly panicked look to his eye. He pulled you into the gardens, where it was mostly empty, save for an elderly Italian couple sniffing the roses a good distance away from you.

“No more merger of equals,” Roman hurriedly whispered to you, which made your eyes widen. “Matsson insinuated that GoJo eats Waystar—and he stays top dog.”

Your brows cinched. “What did your dad say?”

“Nothing. Told me to leave. But Matsson said he’d go with a handsome settlement.” The distress was clear across his features. “And where does that leave us? Fucking—kicked out to the curb with bread crumbs and cardboard boxes.”

“Jesus,” you breathed out. “Well… did he offer you an out?”

Roman ran a hand through his hair. “No. Just—just don’t tell Shiv, okay? We’ll stick to the merger of equals story.”

“Okay.” You placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing in what you hoped to be a comforting fashion. “C’mon. It’s time to face Mr. Poseidon. Shiv and Con are already waiting.”

“Poseidon, huh? And who does that make me? Hades?”

You arched a brow. “Hermes. Duh.”

The two of you made your way out of the gardens, to the fancy little tables Caroline had set up. Shiv and Connor were sitting near the balcony, bearing a particularly breathtaking view of the Italian countryside. Rolling green fields and slanted, multi-hued rooftops. It wasn’t too bad of a place to get hitched, you wistfully thought, shooting Roman a glance. If Shiv had noticed anything between the two of you, she didn’t say anything. To that, you were grateful.

He was explaining the merger of equals situation to his siblings (save Kendall, who still had yet to appear), and Connor grew angry with the fact that he wasn’t informed. He didn’t like Matsson, but for a wildly different reason than you.

“Okay, well, if you guys don’t mind, I’m a little churned up about my big brother trying to kill himself, so I can’t really think about that shit right now, thanks.” Roman made a high-pitched noise, before leaning forward and snatching a piece of garlic bread off of Connor’s plate. “I’m fucking starving. Can we get some more food here?”

“It’s a buffet, you dipshit,” Shiv told him.

Before Roman could get up to grab food, Kendall turned the corner, stiffly making his way to his siblings, and you. His eyes were hidden behind a pair of expensive, brown-tinted sunglasses, doing a great job of hiding the bags beneath his eyes. He hadn’t slept a wink at the hospital.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hello,” Roman chirpily greeted. Only Roman could somehow make the word hello sound sarcastic. 

Kendall’s hands twitched at his sides. “So, what is this?”

“Take a seat,” Shiv said, and Connor patted the head of the empty chair beside him.

Kendall scoffed, but sat nonetheless.

“So,” Shiv started, looking awfully uncomfortable being somewhat emotionally open with her brother, “we just wanted to get together and let you know that… we love you.”

A soft breath, and a tilt of his head. “What?”

Connor nodded. “I love you straight up.”

“We care about you, Ken,” you added, feeling mildly guilty that the last time the two of you spoke, you were yelling at him about something as stupid as a popsicle.

“I suppose I don’t want you to die,” Roman lamented, pouring himself a glass of wine.

“What is this, guys? What’s the angle?” Kendall asked. 

In a placating tone, Connor said, “No angle. We were just worried that you… consciously or subconsciously tried to… you know…”

“Are you trying to shut me down?” gruffed Kendall. 

“Uhm, you kind of tried to kill yourself, dude, and that’s not cool?” Roman inputted, avoiding eye contact.

“I fell off an inflatable.”

Clearing your throat, you gently said, “You were drunk. And your kids were there. Comfrey had to fish you out. I heard that Soph was crying behind the rose bushes, Kendall.”

At his daughter’s name, Kendall’s face seemed to twist with an unmistakable sort of anguish. “Is this a fucking intervention? Why do you guys get to do an intervention on me?” 

“Seriously?” Roman asked.

“No, well, maybe you need an intervention.” He gestured to Shiv. “You need an intervention, Con. You two need one, too.”

“Yeah, totally, but, like—you’re kind of the top of the pile, right now. We can do me tomorrow, yeah?” Roman said.

Shiv pursed her lips in agreement. “Suicides kind of jump the line.”

“I fell off my fucking floatie!”

“You’re an addict,” Shiv stated plainly. “You’re addicted to booze and to drugs and relationships and sex and work and family drama.”

The siblings decided to argue a bit more, until Connor, fed up, exclaimed that he was the eldest son, and that he loved all of you, and he’d proposed to Willa and nobody even bothered to congratulate him. Your face fell with guilt, but you didn’t try to stop him as he stormed away. The conversation died out after that, with Roman complaining that he was too hungry to think straight, leaving for the buffet table, and Kendall straight up leaving without even saying goodbye.

Not wanting to be left alone with Shiv, you shot Roman a message saying you’d be in your room, and left the table.

The wedding started two hours later. You’d managed to squeeze in a nice nap and a quick shower before, meeting Roman at the lobby with a refreshed smile.

“You look great,” he told you, genuine. His hands seemed to reach out for you, but he winced and pulled himself back. “Now that we’re not supposed to be all over each other, I suddenly have this inexplicable, caveman urge to raw dog you in front of everyone.”

Your lips twitched in amusement. “You are so romantic, Roman.” Careful not to draw attention, you bumped your hip into his, and the two of you began walking to Caroline’s wedding.

Shiv met you at the entrance, pestering Roman on where Logan was (which he clearly didn’t know himself), and also making several incessant japes about Roman’s lost chance to marry his mother. A part of you wondered if she was amping it up because you were there, as if to try to goad a reaction out of you.

“Well, I’m just worried about the prenup,” Roman hotly defended after Shiv made fun of him for not liking Peter Munion.

“She has a prenup, Rome,” Shiv said while rolling her eyes. “She had her lawyer look at it because she wants to keep the London flat Dad gave her.”

“What if he poisons her? Or pushes her down the stairs to get this flat he so desires?” Roman quipped, crossing his arms.

Shiv snorted. “Oh, yeah. And what if worse—he fucks her with his dick. Fucks her so good that she dies?”

A group of giggling children passed by, and you muttered a quiet apology to the parents glaring at the three of you.

“We should get going,” you told the twins. “Must be starting any minute now.” 

They halted their quarreling for the time being, and followed you into the building. 

The ceremony was delayed around half an hour—you suspected it was because Logan hadn’t shown up, and Peter Munion sure wanted to brown-nose some more—but it carried on without him. You wondered if Logan wasn’t here because of what Roman had told you.

GoJo eating Waystar. That would make headlines for a good few months.

After the ceremony came a lovely little banquet, decked with long white tables lined with sweet-smelling flowers, beautiful flutes of champagne and wine passed around. Waiters flitted to and fro like busy worker bees, serving up course after course. There were seventeen dishes total, you counted. Roman said there were actually eighteen—you missed one when you briefly disappeared for the bathroom.

“You don’t have a fucking clue where Dad is, do you?” Shiv prodded at Roman’s shoulder, and he shrugged her off.

“Just relax, will you?”

Connor came up to the three of you then, a wary smile on his face. You and Shiv took turns apologizing to him, wearing guilty expressions. He’d always had soft spots for the both of you.

“No, no, it’s okay. Forget about it.”

“Mhm,” Roman said. “Forgotten.”

“So, guess who’s getting married to the greatest gal in the world?” Connor announced, a wide smile overtaking his features. 

You grinned, congratulating him with a hug, Shiv and Roman slapping their older brother on the shoulder. When you pulled away, Connor pulled up a shriveled little brown bulb out of his pocket.

“Oh, ew. What is that?” you asked, narrowing your eyes.

“It’s a dried penis from one of the great men in history, correct?” Roman postulated, poking it before wiping his hands onto you.

Pointing at it, Connor said, “This is maca root. It’s for Dad’s smoothie.”

“Mhm?” Shiv asked, not quite getting it.

“He’s working on his baby batter!” Connor reiterated. “Maca root, almond butter! Dad’s putting together a more adhesive, potent gloop.”

“Ew,” you said, grimacing. “He’s eighty fucking years old. The baby practically pre-ordered the daddy issues themself.”

Utterly confused, Roman asked, “Are you fucking with us right now? That’s disgusting!”

“No, I’m not! Look at all the walnuts he’s been munching! He’s gonna be rocking sperms like a little catfish.”

“Oh, my fuck. Dad’s scrambling the fighters,” Roman guffawed, batting away Connor’s hand when he waved the maca root closer to his nose. 

With a final laugh, Connor clapped Shiv’s shoulder, before bidding adieu, in search of his now-fiance.

“We gotta find a way to kill this baby,” Roman muttered.

“Yeah, finally you’ve got a worthy adversary,” laughed Shiv.

It was then that Tom made his way to the three of you, his arm curled over her waist. You eyed the fluid motion, wishing you could have something of an open relationship like theirs. Though, you weren’t sure comparing yourself to Tom and Shiv was the best way to go.

Tom let it slip that they were planning on having a baby, too—but by freezing an embryo. 

“Congratulations,” you told the two of them, though Shiv didn’t look all that happy.

Roman chortled and made a few jokes about how Tom would have to poop out his own baby, and you nudged him harshly. 

“That’ll be your niece or nephew, you know. Just don’t be that weird, creepy uncle they avoid at family gatherings.”

“Can’t make any promises,” Roman whistled, though he fell silent when Gerri strode up to the three of you.

It was just as you thought. She’d heard Logan and Matsson were meeting with financiers—which meant Logan was going through with the flipped deal. GoJo swallows Waystar, Logan leaves with his pockets full, and everybody aboard the sinking ship is left to fend for themselves. 

“Why would Matsson need financing for an all-stock deal?” Shiv asked, though she was beginning to get an inkling of what was truly happening on her own.

Gerri suggested splitting up to cover more ground. Roman would get Kerry, Shiv handled Marcia, Gerri tackled Frank, and you were left to call in a few of Roman’s lawyers to see if they could rifle through anything that could block Logan from plowing into GoJo full-steam.

“I think Frank and Karl are in Europe,” Roman told Shiv, his phone pressed to his ear. “It’s got the fucking Euro ring.”

“What?” Shiv demanded. “Rome—are we being fucked right now?”

Roman hung up once Karl lied straight through his teeth that he was in America. Just before, he’d seen Gerri and Kerry speaking to each other in hushed tones, before Gerri quickly walked away. Was Gerri knifing him, too?

He turned to stare at you, speaking to his lawyers on the phone about voting power for the next CEO.

“Okay, well, I should probably tell you,” Roman said, scratching at the back of his head. “Matsson did float, just as an idea, that maybe they’d buy us.”

There was a momentary pause. Shiv’s eyes flared wider, her lips pinching tight. “Right. And what did Dad say?”

Roman shrugged. “Fuck off!” he said, in his best Logan imitation.

“Mhm. And he stuck around?”

“Yeah. Yeah, he did.”

Abruptly, Shiv shoved him so hard that Roman stumbled back into a table. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me this earlier?” She stomped off then, making her way to Kendall, moping by the edges of the gardens.

You hung up the phone, walking back to Roman. “Dead ends. They’re going to have to look through fucking everything—signing heir contracts, settlement conditions, the divorce clauses. Might be something there that gives the three of you a hand on the steering wheel.”

“Great.” Roman sucked at his teeth, hesitant. “Hey, as it turns out, I don’t think I can trust Gerri.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, and—I can trust you, right?” He scuffed the grass with the heel of his expensive boot, anxious.

The two of you stared at each other for a long moment. Man and woman, microphone and stand, dog and chew toy. You ran your tongue along the back of your teeth. 

“I love you, Roman. You know that,” you told him, swallowing the lump in your throat. 

“Okay. Yeah, okay. Yeah. I trust you.”

“Hurry the fuck up!” Shiv yelled, startling the two of you away from each other. She began making her way around the building, towards the deserted back, where nobody was around to hear what the four of you were discussing. Slow on her heels was Kendall, dragging his feet along glumly.

You and Roman were only barely able to exchange comforting glances, before hastening after her.

“Okay, so—Dad is doing us dirty, right?” Shiv said, a tad too loud for your comfort, seeing as there were wedding guests only around the corner.

“Can you not make it a whole thing?” Roman protested, nose wrinkling. “We actually don’t—we don’t know anything yet. Matsson pitched to Dad the idea of them eating us, but I think he was just flying a kite.”

“Financing wouldn’t be there if it was just Matsson jerking off. Karl and Frank wouldn’t have bothered unless it was real. You know that, Roman,” you said.

The man merely raised his tense shoulders, kicking at a rock on the sandy ground. “Dad kind of shut it down,” he replied.

“He kind of shut it down?” pressed Shiv. “A moment ago, you were telling me that he told you to fuck off!”

Frowning, Roman told his sister, “Well, I didn’t keep track of the exact number of expletives he used, Siobhan. Okay? I’m not a fuckometer.”

There was a crackling silence for a few seconds. Kendall wasn’t facing the three of you, opting to stare away into the distance, hands propped on his hips. 

“Our market caps have tipped,” Shiv vehemently put forth. “The local town’s been bought out by a new set of advisors. Something has flipped!”

It was clear that Roman was the only one still clinging onto his father’s leg. He watched you and Shiv with scrutinizing eyes. “Dad would never sell, would he? Hey, asshole, Dad would never sell, right?” Roman directed the question to Kendall.

Kendall’s shoulders moved just a tiny bit, barely a twitch. “I don’t know,” he muttered.

“I see him doing it if the buy-out settlement is large enough,” you said, expression grim. “A handful of billions in his pocket, and he’d walk off satisfied.”

“But Dad… he…” Roman itched at the back of his head. “What about us?”

“Okay, yeah, the question is—would we get fucking protection?” Shiv demanded, as if the three of you had answers to give her.

Kendall looked up at the bright Italian sun. He was feeling thirsty.

“Can you guys just do this without me?” he asked, voice dejected. “I can’t—I don’t really wanna get into it.”

Narrowing her eyes in suspicion, Shiv hurled out an accusation, “Wait a minute, Ken. Do you—you have an angle on this? Are you speaking with Matsson?”

Kendall laughed. He paused for a second, thinking on Shiv’s words some more, before laughing again. Then, he sank to the sandy ground. There were sharp rocks poking his legs, a fine layer of dust coating his ass and the back of his thighs.

“Is he okay?” you whispered to Roman, who just shook his head and murmured something you couldn’t quite catch under his breath.

“Ken, can we just talk?” Shiv asked. 

“Shiv, I’m not here,” he said. His knees pulled up to his chest, and his head rested upon them.

He wasn’t okay, that was plainly clear. Tentative, you took a step forward, exchanging uneasy glances with Shiv. The redhead crouched down and soothed a comforting hand over her older brother’s back. You kneeled in front of Kendall, uncaring of how dirty you were getting your pants. Lingering a little farther back was Roman, stressed out of his mind, studying the three of you contemplatively.

“Hey, you okay?” Her voice was far more soft this time around.

Kendall shook his head, a heavy exhale slipping past his slightly-chapped lips. The familiar sting of salt welcomed the corners of his eyes. 

“Talk to us, Ken,” you said, your shoe nudging his. 

His mouth trembled. “There’s something really wrong with me. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.”

“Uh, well… it’s okay, Ken…” Unsure, Shiv looked up to you. 

“I just—I’m not feeling very connected to my children or my endeavors right now. And, uh, I can’t get one thing right with another, you know?” His voice broke near the end. A warble, a shake, a lilt.

Roman stepped closer. To anyone who didn’t quite know him, he looked as if he was angry. But you knew—you knew that that was concern splayed across his features. He was worried for his big brother.

“Kendall, we can get you help,” you tried to reassuringly say.

“But I can’t,” he replied, on the verge of tears. “I don’t know what happened. I tried to do something. I tried, I really did. Really.”

For better or worse, Roman attempted to diffuse the tension by saying, “I know, man. You fucked it.”

You and Shiv glared at him, while Kendall merely laughed. It was painful and grating. His throat ached.

“I took a shot, but it’s like it didn’t matter,” he said.

“It’s just business, okay?” Roman told him, trying to downplay the situation. “We’re all fucked. Everything just sort of got… mixed up.”

When Shiv stood up, her legs aching, Kendall’s eyes slid shut. “I thought I had an out. I could see it—I could see the way markers, and I thought I could, out of all our shit, I thought I could take us all out of it. I tried, guys. I did.”

Roman hummed. Shiv stayed silent. You watched him, pensive. 

“I don’t know,” said Kendall. “I’m not a good person.”

“Well, whatever,” Roman said, miffed. “You’re… fine.”

“I’m… I’m bad.”

A few tense, sparse chuckles. Roman shot you a confused look, as if to say, is he for real?

“Lighten up, glum-glum,” Rome said.

Kendall blinked down at the sand. “I killed a kid.”

“Hm?”

“What?” you quietly asked. What was he talking about?

Shiv laughed a bit, wondering if this was all an elaborate joke. After all, it was hard to take anything Kendall did seriously after his disaster of a birthday party.

“I killed a kid,” Kendall repeated.

“Like… metaphorically?” you queried.

“No, I… I killed a kid. And, yeah, they’re… they’re coming for me. They’re gonna come for me.”

Your mouth fell open and shut, shocked and uncertain of what to do, what to say.

“Is this—?” Shiv looked around wildly. “Is this real? What the fuck?”

There was a sharp inhale. A warm breeze blew by, and Kendall found himself swallowing around what felt like dust. Glass shards. All the same.

“At your wedding,” he said.

“What?” Shiv asked, voice hardened.

“Horseshit,” said Roman, though he knew it, deep down, none of it was horseshit.

Rapidly, Kendall blinked. “The kid. That kid.”

“Uh, you mean the… the waiter kid?” Shiv clarified. 

A soft, nearly horrified exhale slipped from you. “That was you?” you asked, voice much smaller than it had been only minutes ago. 

“I was high,” he began to explain, miserable. “I was trying to score, and I was drunk, I was fucked up, and I drove. He saw something and he snatched at the wheel. We went into the water.” His voice trembled. “And then I left him in there and I ran.”

“Uhm, okay, we gotta… we gotta get you inside,” Shiv started, but Kendall’s shoulders began to shake.

His head lowered further. “It’s fucking lonely,” he quietly sobbed. A tear fell down his cheek, slipping into his mouth. “I’m all apart.”

You weren’t quite sure what to do, so you reached out and kept a steady grip on one of his knees. It grounded him, in a way, because his sobs seemed to dullen after a few seconds.

“I mean, if it pleases the court,” Roman began to say, which made your stomach roil in fear of what other abrasive comment he might spit out, “it sounds like you didn’t really kill him. Sounds to me like… he killed him.”

Your brows cinched. Kendall ran away from the kid and drove under the influence, which made him largely at fault. But you also knew it wasn’t… wholly on his shoulders. It was an accident, first and foremost. Besides—what choice did he have than to keep quiet, with his tail pressed beneath Logan’s thumb? 

“Rome, I’m a piece of shit, man,” Kendall sniffled, shaking his head. 

“The road and the water killed him,” offered Roman. “That’s what it sounds like.”

“What he’s trying to say,” you interjected, voice slow and placating. “Is that it was an accident.”

“Yeah, seriously. You crashed, and then, what? You ran?”

“No, I mean… I tried to get him. I dived a few times.”

Roman spread his arms out a bit. “See? That… that sounds like the story of a hero to me. That’s more than I would’ve fucking done. Seriously, I would’ve been out of that water like a tabby cat from a bath.”

Pained laughs from Kendall filled in the space between the four of you, which dissolved into cries. “Don’t, man. I’m… I’m a killer.”

Scoffing, Roman groaned out, “Fuck you. Come on, bullshit. At worst you’re an… a fucking irresponsibler. Okay? You’re bigging yourself up.”

“I don’t know, you guys,” Kendall hiccupped. “I’m blown into a million pieces.”

“Okay, uhm, we gotta get you out of here,” Shiv said, rubbing his shoulder. 

“We could bring him back to the chapel,” Roman offered. “Stuff him into a confessional. That might fix him.”

It was then that your phone started ringing, the lawyers calling you back. You gently apologized to the siblings, before stepping away and answering. Not long after you, Shiv’s phone began to ring with Laird’s caller ID, and she pulled off, as well. Leaving just the two brothers.

Roman sank down to sit beside him. He tried, and failed, to comfort him. But he succeeded, too. Somehow.

“I’m sorry,” Kendall croaked.

Wincing, Roman said, “You know, one waiter down makes a bit more sense. Took me forever to get a fucking drink at that wedding.”

“Please, man, I can’t—”

“Yeah, no, I’m just saying. Who’s the real victim here, you know? I waited three quarters of an hour for a gin and tonic.”

Both you and Shiv hung up your calls at the same time, making your way back to the brothers.

“You first,” you told Shiv. “What’s Laird know?”

She nodded. “He was inside the deal, then got cucked out of the lead. He’s bitter and bleating. GoJo buys Waystar. They pay a premium, Dad cashes out—cash and stock, maybe a title and a few assets, but it’s Matsson’s fucking board.”

“Can we trust that? Is that even real? Laird is a fucking prick. I know this—I was stuck as a hostage with him pissing buckets next to me,” Roman spat.

“Look, Kendall, I know you’re in a tough spot right now, but we have to talk about this now. I’ll call the car. Let’s just get the fuck out of here,” Shiv said. 

The eldest of the four burst into another raucous sob. Roman got up from the ground and placed his hands on his brother’s shoulders, squeezing. Shiv palmed his buzzed head. You took your previous spot, crouching down in front of him and patted his kneecaps.

No more words were exchanged about the accident. It was time for war.

“What’s your news?” Roman asked. “My lawyers?”

You offered them a small, bitter smile. “There might be a gun in this knife-fight.”

In the car, you explained to them how the lawyers had found a clause in the extensive divorce settlement between Logan and Caroline: the kids would have veto power to any changes in company control.

If all the kids objected, there was legally no way Matsson could buy Waystar. 

The siblings were reunited on the same side for the first time in what felt like decades. Despite this, Roman still felt uneasy about the whole ordeal. 

“These are still all just rumors,” he said from beside you. “So I’ll have to talk to Dad alone first.”

Indignant, Shiv scoffed. “You think you’re close to him? You’re just his little rat fucker.”

“I’m just saying, as a matter of fact, that Dad and I have been working closely lately and I don’t want to go in too aggressive,” he heatedly defended. “I’m not busting in there crying Team Shiv, okay? We don’t know how this is going to play out yet.”

“You think Dad is protecting you?” Shiv hissed. “No, we let Matsson take control, that is Dad slamming the door! It means he doesn’t think that we will, can, or should take over.”

“All this time he’s spent braying about family,” you whispered, staring out at the rolling Italian fields flashing past. “And he’s the one who drives the knife in.”

Roman bit down on the inside of his cheek. “I just don’t think we should be aggressive. Can we even actually stop him with this one clause?”

“Yes,” Kendall said. “A change of control needs a super majority in the holding company. He’d need us to agree to it.”

“Exactly,” you said. “Just one of you, it wouldn’t work. That’s why he wasn’t threatened when it was just Kendall. The three of you, though… that’s the golden goose.”

Roman nodded, uncertain. “Right, well. I’m not sure I want to pull a move like that. Maybe I just… I stick with what I got.” He looked at you, expecting your support on this, but you pointedly pursed your lips.

Shiv gritted her jaw. “Which is what, exactly? A hard drive full of dick pics you send Y/N? Where exactly do you think we fit on Matsson’s new org chart, Rome?”

In a calmer voice, Kendall said, “He’ll gut you like a pig, Rome.”

Roman’s brows knitted together. 

“Rome, you know Dad is never going to choose you because he thinks there’s something wrong with you,” Shiv said. “I’m sorry, but maybe it’s time we said these things to each other. Instead of just airing it out to Vanity Fair.”

There was a roll of his eyes, but you could tell that her words hit close to home. A home he never felt safe in, perhaps.

“Hey, Rome,” you said, taking his hand, uncaring that Shiv and Kendall were there to see. They’ve seen far worse, after all, and you were nearly certain they already knew what was going on between the two of you. “You might not have a place beneath Matsson. You know that, right? And… and neither would I, I don’t think.”

This seemed to tip the scales over for him. The thought of not having the company to keep you close by his side anymore—to tether you to him—made him far more scared than he cared to admit.

Finally, Roman tentatively broached, “The holding company move… if we do that, that’s real?”

“He can’t sanction a deal without us. That’s legal fact,” Kendall said. “Block him and he’s fucked.”

With an air of finality, Shiv said, “Okay, we just rip the band-aid right off. Push him out. Get him on his own, say it was his urinary tract at the shareholder meeting—say he’s out of it. He’s fucking a twenty year old, and he’s planning for babies in jars. He’s gone loopy, and he’s tried to sell the shop while fucking his assistant. If we tell the board all that, he’s toast.”

“Burnt,” you agreed.

“Full coup,” Kendall said.

“Yeah. We have, say, Ken, chair? Rome or me, CEO? The other, COO, or whatever they want—studios, movies, TV. Equal.” There was a hopeful glint to her eyes. “Y/N takes CFO, maybe director of operations, maybe president of relations. Whichever floats your boat.”

You were quite happy with your quaint little title as general branch manager, but you nodded along to Shiv’s words, not wanting to argue with semantics. 

“Okay, but really equal. Like, actual equal. If we do this, I don’t want you two cunts trying to big-brother me out of my fucking piece, okay? And I want the dick pic stuff with Y/N cleared. We do shit like that. We like each other, alright? Deal with it.”

Shiv eyed you warily, but found herself in no position to turn him down, especially not with him in such a precarious position. You shot Roman a flattered smile, squeezing his hand. This was the most open Roman’s been about his relationship with you… ever.

“We can fight all the details out,” Shiv reassured. “It’ll… it’ll be fun.”

The siblings laughed, genuine and chesty. 

“Oh, fuck,” Roman breathed out. For a second, it seemed like his eyes seemed to glass over, but it was gone with his next blink. “I do think that, even though this literally makes me want to vomit and I wanna kill you both every day and it’s all going to end horribly… I do think that we—puke—could make a pretty good team.”

“So how do we feel about killing Dad?” Shiv asked.

Kendall smiled. “Pass me the fucking shotgun.”

By the time the four of you reached Logan, the sun had only barely set, and a heavy sort of darkness started stealing away the clouds. The rooms were full to the brim and bustling about with a frantic atmosphere. Lawyers and financiers and other powerful figures from the companies flitting to and fro.

Logan, however, was in a separate room. Empty, save for the few people at the very top. 

He called for the four of you to come in, all false smiles and honeyed tones.

“Hey. Hi, everyone,” Roman greeted, high-strung. “We’re just feeling a little out of the loop, Dad.”

“Oh, of course. Things have moved very fast, yes. Sit down, all of you.”

None of you sat down, but Roman stood across the table from his dad. “So, yeah, we’re, uh… we’re hearing some rumors about GoJo?”

“We heard that we might be the target now,” Shiv said in a far colder tone in comparison to her brother. “Is that right, Dad?”

Logan nodded once. “Okay. I’ve been looking at a few options.”

“Right. We might be affected with our positions, so we just wanted to get some clarity,” Shiv said.

A harsh glare was sent in Kendall’s direction. “Absolutely, but do you mind not with him in here giving me the fucking doggy-evils? Can you take him out, Romulus? I’ll fill in your sister and give you the angles.” Logan gestured vaguely at his second-eldest son. “I don’t trust him.”

Roman swallowed uneasily, unmoving.

Logan stared at him expectantly. “Roman?”

“You can tell us together, Dad,” Kendall said.

“I thought we had this figured out,” Logan deadpanned, fixing his angry glare onto Roman instead of Kendall.

Five different emotions seemed to flash across Roman’s face at once. “Yeah, no, we just… it might be better. If all of us heard.”

A steady breath. Finally, Logan acquiesced. “Okay. The market capitalizations of our firm have been on the move. Ours is a declining business. There’s a wave of consolidations happening, and that means this is the optimal moment, in my opinion, to make a deal with a serious tech operation like GoJo. That’s what I’ve been exploring, okay?”

Shiv stiffly put forth, “Okay, so, I would like to say, on behalf of all of us, can you ease up and let us in? Stop this until we see how exactly we’re impacted?”

“No, it has to be now,” Logan said.

“An hour to negotiate positions wouldn’t hurt,” you said, far icier than you were anticipating to be. 

Logan leveled his gaze with you, simultaneously curious and angry. “Aren’t you supposed to be fired? Or did Romulus have the balls to fucking sever things?”

You reared back a step, teeth gritted. Roman sucked in a cold breath.

“Why does it have to be now?” Shiv demanded.

“Because I can feel it in my bones,” said Logan. “And, at the end of the day, it’s all I fucking got.”

Shiv angrily narrowed her eyes. “Well, you know that’s bullshit.”

“Look, this is the best moment to sell. If I don’t do the best deal at any given point, what’s the point of anything? I don’t get out, I leave five billion on the table,” the father explained. 

“Come on, Dad. What are you gonna do with the five bil?” Kendall prodded. “Huh? Put it on your pile with all your other fucking bil?”

Logan frowned and nodded. “Mhm. Probably.”

“And what are we supposed to do?” Kendall asked.

“Make your own fucking pile,” hissed Logan. Then, after taking a pause to collect himself, Logan continued, “I know this is an adjustment, but our blood’s in the water and I need to make moves fast in order to control the situation and get myself and all of you assurances in the future.”

“Assurances?” Shiv echoed. “Once Matsson is calling the shots, we’re fucked!”

A dismissive wave of his hand. “No, nah. He rates you. And this is an opportunity for you kids to get an education in real life.”

“With you at the top, we can take over, but without you, we’re fucked,” Shiv said. The brothers stood side by side, quiet.

Abruptly, Logan stood up from his seat. “Come on, Roman. Let’s get away from these Jacobins. I’ve got you. We can discuss this.” Roman looked to you, and Logan clocked the exchange. “Y/N, my dear. We’ll work you in, of course. You are such a valuable asset to the company. The glue, as I recall all the papers we publish calling you.”

You stepped closer to Roman, putting a hand on his elbow.

This spurred him into saying, “Hey, look, Dad, I know what Matsson said, I was there. But, uhm, with Matsson calling the shots, we’re… we’re strung up in the town square.”

“No!” Logan asserted, making his way closer, standing less than an arm’s length away from Roman. “He likes you! You have my word. This is an opportunity son. A bit of fucking grit. Adversity, like me. You can trust me.”

These days, Logan Roy’s word seemed to mean very little. It was his money that held the power.

“You can’t trust him,” Shiv said, voice straining.

Roman’s hands shook. “Uhm…” His voice went all soft, almost a husky whisper. “We’re here to say, to ask, please… do not do this.”

Logan tilted his head. “And what if I decide not to listen to you?”

“We can stop you,” Shiv said. “And we will. Blow this up.”

“Kids have voting power over company control,” you told your godfather. “From the divorce.”

“Yeah,” agreed Shiv. “You need all of us. You need a super majority, and we can kill it.”

This time, Logan yelled, voice bellowing. “You’re playing toy fucking soldiers!” Roman flinched back into you, and you rubbed your thumb along the inside of his forearm. “Go on! Fuck off, all of you! I have you beat! You f—morons!”

Nose twitching with contempt, Shiv protested, “Well, no, because you need a super majority—”

Logan roared out a mocking imitation of Shiv’s voice, somehow still terrifying. He sighed then, pulling a hand over his weary features. He turned, asking Kerry something. Something you didn’t quite catch.

Then a phone was being pulled out, and you heard Caroline’s voice crackling through the line.

A heavy pit sunk down your stomach. It clicked for you before it clicked for the siblings—mostly because they were probably in such heavy denial.

Caroline had renegotiated the divorce agreement, effectively robbing the children of their say. Their voices. All three of their faces fell, crestfallen, as the weight of the realization slammed into them.

Shiv seemed the angriest of them, muttering expletives and yelling angrily at her mother through the phone. Caroline apologized, saying it was for the best, but she wouldn’t hear a single word of it. The call was hung up a second later.

“Dad,” Roman said, disrupting the eerie, tense silence. “Please?”

He was a child asking for a dog again. He was a teenager asking to come home from military school again. He was a young adult asking for his dad to stop hitting him again.

“Please?” Logan parroted, almost disbelieving. 

“Please,” he repeated, voice breaking.

“The seat sniffer gets a fucking leg up,” his father scoffed. “That’s a deal. What have you got in your fucking deck?”

“What have I got?” Roman asked. He reached back so the hand you had rested on his elbow laced with his. “I don’t know. Fucking… fucking love?”

When Logan repeated that word—love—it sounded so childish on his tongue. So frivolous and fanciful, as if it couldn’t possibly exist.

“You come for me… with love? You bust in here, guns in hand, and now you find they’ve turned into fucking sausages. You talk about love?” He worked a hand over his jaw. “You should’ve trusted me.”

Tears filled Roman’s eyes. “Dad, why?”

“Why?” Logan swept his gaze over his children, his goddaughter. “Because it works. I fucking win. 

A beat of unbearable silence. Your nose stung, a familiar sensation.

“Go on, go on. Fuck off. You nosy fucking pedestrians.”

A wave of nausea rolled over Roman. He called out for his father as Logan stormed off, disappearing behind the doors. Then, he rushed over to ask Gerri to help them out, as Shiv stressed on who had tipped Logan off that they were on their way to see him.

Gerri dismissed Roman, brushing him off as if he were a bread crumb on her jacket. Tom arrived then, asking if his wife was okay. Shiv seemed to piece something together that you didn’t quite understand yet.

Roman sank to the ground, and Kendall put his hands on his brother’s shoulders, just as Roman did for him hours ago. You sat down beside him, your side pressed up against his.

“I want to go home,” Roman muttered. “This was all for nothing. It meant nothing.”

“Okay, Rome,” you whispered in return. “We’ll go home.”

[aeraspais]

Hi !! Hope i’m not bothering you or anything (i’m the one who made the post about Gerrard in s8, just in case btw) i just wanted to tell you thank you for the exchange we had about it !! I really appreciated reading your perspective on it, it was really interesting, and i also wanted to thank you especially !! It’s becoming rarer and rarer, in fandom space (and more generally on social media), to have respectful and open conversations with contradictory and/or different opinions on something, and that’s why I tend to avoid interacting with some discourses or people because it can quickly become the usual “i’m right, you’re wrong, i don’t care” deaf dialogue. Which I personally find very annoying and senseless. So I’m really glad to have had the opportunity to exchange with you, since it was none of that, and you did thank me for that as well — so, i not only wanted to return the favor, but I also wanted you to know that I have a lot of consideration and appreciation for people like you. So thank you, i liked it a lot !!

Also, I’m taking the opportunity to mention that the opinions you voiced here on Buck were very interesting and i agree with them !! You said that some people forget that Buck is now also marginalized because of his sexuality and it’s new for him, he never had to deal with the kind of discriminations that are inherently linked to his identity — i couldn’t agree more !! And i’m glad you brought it up because it’s a very important and interesting aspect of his current situation !! Anyway, that’s all i wanted to say !! Hope you have a great day/night ✨

Oh no, you’re not bothering me at all — thank you so much for this message, it was such a kind thing to do! I know your feelings all too well. I’ve had way too many sour experiences voicing my opinions in this fandom that whenever I do have a pleasant exchange with someone new, I'm very compelled to leave a compliment or two. Like you, I’m terrified of inadvertently kickstarting discourse, and at least on Twitter, I’ve been in the center of a couple bad faith attacks from 911 fans who took my tweets directed at my friends out-of-context to slander me, when they could’ve just looked the other way. So if I ever voice a public disagreement, I will try my best to be polite and respectful to the other party. ❤️

But on to your second point: an anon also pointed out that for many fans they have already been treating Buck like a canonically bisexual character so season seven didn’t really tilt the axis either, and I think this is why (however harshly this might sound) I strive to separate my fanon believes from my canon analysis because it’s too easy to let what you’ve read on AO3 dictate how you treat the text. Before I write out my thoughts, I always take a few different things into consideration: what did this episode say that they haven’t before, what is a new for this character, and how can this be tied into their behavior now. For Buck, it’s literally his sexuality. Then I consider any complications. The easy route would be focusing solely on the racial dynamics at play. It’s the most obvious, but it didn't explain why Gerrard had so much beef with Buck since we also know from his first appearance Gerrard still treated Eli with respect, despite taking Chimney under his wing in “Chimney Begins.” It also, however unintentional, says some ugly things about institutionalized homophobia — that it doesn’t as much matter if the character or the person it’s directed at is white. But both things help characterize Buck’s reaction and later confusion over his motivations. Losing it also makes Buck out to be more violent than the show’s intentions, because I think the aim for it to be a concerning escalation based on prior history (here’s to hoping they bring up the 704 tackle), not something remarkably out-of-character just to drive the plot.

Anyway this got away from me when it’s not even 7 AM. It could’ve been worse, though. I could’ve had my morning coffee, then we’d be here all day/night!

[starrgaziinggg]

SMAU | UNDERCOVER JYP-U

chapter thirteen -> feelings and secrets (written, 4K words)

directory | next chapter ->

"Okay, so that concludes the meeting?" Chan begins to wrap up, clasping his hands together. You take it as your queue to gently nudge Jeongin's side, forcing him awake after having dozed off halfway through your regular Friday afternoon student body meetings. It was safe to say Jeongin may not have been the best choice for the demanding role, yet here he was.

The sun was streaming through the large floor to ceiling windows of the meeting room, so you didn’t blame him for letting the warm sun send him to sleep. You were feeling hazy yourself, having to force yourself to stay awake through Chan’s words.

Jeongin smiles sleepily at you, leaning his head on your shoulder momentarily while the others conclude the discussion about the relevant topics, primarily the events of the charity week occurring at the beginning of the next month.

"You have until next week to choose the specifics for what you will actually do, but you've now chosen your teams for the events, right?" Chan asks, and you all nod your heads - bar Jeongin, of course, who just looks to you with a raised brow. You wave your hand, indicating you'd inform him of what he'd missed later.

The charity week was a week of events that ran once per semester. This year, your chosen charity was World Vision, and your collective aim was to raise a large sum of money to send off. It was known that most of the students that attended you university and their parents were well off, which meant it could hopefully be achieved.

There would be a multitude of events held throughout the week, and opportunities to donate constantly. It was your job as a member of the student body to advocate for the charity and push for as many donations as you possibly could.

Although it was difficult to balance the duties that came with being a student body representative with uni work and a social life, organising the dance course's activities for charity week was a great way to take your mind off of the shit show that was social media right now. Thankfully, Jisung's tweets were very well received, and he didn't get in too much trouble, but you dread to think of would could have happened to him if that weren't the case.

You were also dreading the inevitable next 'secret' that this awful account was going to expose next. It was as if you were constantly glued to your phone, refreshing Twitter like a fan girl on steroids with a constant lump in your throat. Nothing had been posted since last week, though, so you hoped it was going to be a one off.

"Excellent," Chan says, distracting you from your thoughts. Jeongin lifts his head from your shoulder to pack up his belongings, as if he'd used them in the first place. "I think we're taking a well needed break from alcoholic induced social events this week, so if I don't see you guys during the week I'll see you again, here, next Friday."

The way he switches so quickly from his head-screwed-on leader mode to his laid back, casual friendship mode never fails to crack you up. It's as if he has a split personality, and you commend him for being able to juggle everything as efficiently as he does. Once you finish packing your bag, Ryujin makes her way over to you. As the admin of the student body, she sits to the right of Chan in the school's meeting room, whilst Changbin - the vice president, sits to the left.

It was definitely an awkward hour, the two of them on edge with each other after their conversation over coffee the other day. Ryujin had come home and spilled everything to you and Hyunjin, sprawling on your bed beside you and delving deep into their conversation. Hyunjin had even taken a break from his art piece to listen intently to her, putting his input in and giving her advise when she asked for it.

Having Hyunjin over was a lot...nicer, than you'd expected it to be. He was quiet and pleasant and save for the hour he got bored and had a rush of energy, he kept to himself and worked hard at his painting. It was nice to have his company, the two of you not speaking and simply getting your work done in peace. His artwork came out beautifully, too, which left him heading home in a great mood.

That photo he'd posted was still on your mind, though you'd never admit that out loud. 

"God that was a drag," she drawls, flopping to lean on the table in front of you as you stand up, the others heading out the door. "I love Chan, but these things could be over in fifteen minutes if he kept it simple."

"He'll have an aneurism if you tell him to shorten them," you snort, walking out the room with Ryujin's arm linked in yours. Lia and Yuna had told you earlier they were going shopping after the meeting, so you watch them walk in the opposite direction to you and Ryujin after saying goodbye. They'd invited you guys and Chae too, of course, but you knew if you indulged in their shopping spree you'd spend far too much, and the cost of being a Uni student did not come cheap.

So, you'd arranged a quiet night in with some of the guys. Jeongin had just bought a projector, so the plan was to hook up Jisung's fancy laptop to it and set it up in your dorm. You would have gone to the guys dorm, except Minho's recent cooking escapade had not ended well, and he'd informed you that his dorm had smelt like rotting eggs for half the week. Decidedly, your dorm was the agreed upon source of comfort for the night.

Chan had some more meetings with some uni higher ups about charity week, so he'd bailed, and Changbin and Ryujin's awkward situation had caused him to give it a pass too. Seungmin said he'd be making an appearance after his classes. Since half of his double major was English, he attended lectures at your sister school, the mainstream Uni across the road, which meant his schedule was pretty jam packed.

That left Minho, Jisung, Hyunjin, Felix and Jeongin turning up at your doorstep holding various different items an hour after you'd gotten back to the dorm.

"What's all this?" You hear Chae ask as the raucous tumbles into your dorm. You make your way out of your bedroom to greet them, Ryujin following behind you after the two of you had scrolled on tik tok for the hour in between your meeting and now. The boys were all in their comfy clothes; hoodies and joggers, much like you girls.

"Jeongin's got the projector," Minho informs you as he gives you a smile and hands you a box. You'd barely seen him this week, since he was starting to skip classes more regularly. You were surprised he hadn't been reprimanded for it yet, but Minho somehow got away with anything and everything. "That's a cake."

"I've got snacks!" Felix says cheerily, showing you bundles of crisps and bags of chocolate in his arms.

"Why have you brought a cake?" You ask, smiling at your blonde headed friend as he sports his usual grin, turning back to Minho. He shrugs.

"It was my, 'I'm sorry your deep dark secret got posted on the internet, here's a cake' cake, but Minho and Felix somehow forgot that I don't like chocolate icing, so now you guys can eat my pity cake," Jisung explains, already flopping onto the sofa with his laptop, though he's smiling as he says it. He's received mostly praise and positivity over the internet recently, so he wasn't in all that of a bad mood about the whole ordeal.

Felix smiles sheepishly, dumping the snacks onto the table. The other guys start making themselves comfortable too, Hyunjin flashing you a grin as he flops down beside Jisung. Minho has to step in and help Jeongin set up the projector when Jeongin announces he actually has no idea how to work it, and it takes them a further twenty minutes to set the whole thing up.

You're not complaining though, since after a collective agreement to watch the second Shrek movie (arguably the best one), you're nestled in between Chaeryoung and Minho on the sofa with Ryujin between your knees on the floor.

Surprisingly, you all sit relatively in silence, save for some commentary throughout the movie. You pinned it down to the fact that everything surrounding your group had been nothing less than dramatic recently, and you could all use a chill night together to relax. Seungmin shows up halfway through the movie, taking a seat on the floor.

You're just about to choose a second movie to watch when Yuna and Lia turn up, their arms littered with shopping backs. Yuna sighs exasperatedly, dumping the bags on the ground when she comes in, whilst Lia says a hello to everyone before going into her room.

"Do the stores you went into have anything left in them?" Minho scoffs, raising a brow at his blonde haired friend. She sticks her tongue out at him. "But seriously, how much did you buy?"

"A lot," she replies, gleaming. You shake your head at her with a smile, loving her dramatics. She was an actress through and through. "The stores were giving today - I bought, like, twenty things in one shop alone."

Ryujin whistles, grabbing Yuna's bags and sifting through them. You were sure she'd give you a proper haul tomorrow. "This is some good shit," she says, nodding. "I'm so jealous, I wish I had money to splurge."

"What about the bee movie?" Jeongin interrupts absentmindedly, leaning over Jisung to watch him scroll on Netflix for a movie. Seungmin shakes his head, standing up to join them.

"We watched that last week, remember?" He says, and Jeongin nods with an 'ah'. Seungmin leans his hands on the side of the sofa before looking up at Yuna. "How do you even afford all that?"

Yuna shrugs, snatching the top that Ryujin was eyeing up and shoving it back in her bag. "Daddy's money. He's gonna cut me off soon though, I just know it."

"Your dad lets you buy all this?" Seungmin says, eyebrows raised. "Damn."

"He likes spending his money on me," she counters, collecting all her bags before making her way towards her bedroom. "I may as well take advantage, right?"

Seungmin rolls his eyes with a small smile as Jeongin points to the laptop screen. Hyunjin makes a face at you, mimicking Yuna and her shopping bags, and you can't help but to laugh with him.

"What's so funny?" Ryujin says to you curiously, turning to look up at you. You simply wave your hand in response, sharing another look with Hyunjin as if you two are in on some silly secret. It was as if you couldn't help yourself gravitate towards him recently.

"What about titanic?" Hyunjin perks up, looking towards Jisung. There's a collective squeal from you girls, and Yuna and Lia both thumbs up the movie as they join you, Yuna already having changed into her pajamas. They both squish up on the floor.

"Not happening," Jisung groans, and you remember how he'd told you it was the only movie that had ever successfully made him cry.

"Oh come on," Felix protests with a whine, finishing off a bag of gummies. "It's a phenomenal movie!"

"I'm in agreement with Jisung, here," Seungmin says, giving up on the movie search and slumping back to the ground. "It's so long."

"Yeah, but it's worth it," Chae tries to justify, pleading after having to put up with Shrek for an hour.

Hyunjin looks as you, as if he wants you to back him up, so you sigh in defeat. "It's one of my favourites," you say, feeling everyone's eyes turn to you. "Plus I'm injured. Injured girl rules all."

Jisung and Seungmin groan together, knowing they've been defeated as Jisung searches the movie and starts playing it. Yuna even goes as far as to turn off the lights, leaving the glare of the movie screen the only illumination in the room.

Three hours later, almost everyone is in tears after having sat through the movie in almost dead silence. The only noise that was heard from you was during the sex scene, when you laughed as Jisung attempted to cover Jeongin's eyes.

"It's so sad," Felix sniffles, wiping at his eyes with his hoodie sleeves when the credits roll. Yuna turns the lights on again, and turns to reveal her red puffy eyes. Ryujin laughs at her, but she's none better, tears practically streaming down her face. The only dry eyes in the room are Seungmin and Minho. Even Jeongin, who's always trying to keep up with a tough exterior has tear marks on his hoodie.

"Hyunjin, I hate you," Jisung bawls, unable to hold back his tears. "Do you enjoy making grown men cry?"

"Hey, I'm crying too!" Hyunjin defends himself, and when you look over his eyes are brimmed with tears. He wipes them away sheepishly as he smiles at you. You think it's so cute he gets so emotional at movies like this - you remember when you'd all gone to the cinema to watch something Felix suggested and he was sobbing beside you the whole way through. "Plus, you're hardly a grown man."

Jisung only scoffs in return, attempting to get his sniffles under control. "How are you two not crying?"

Minho and Seungmin turn to eachother, and Minho shrugs. "I've watched it a million times, I know the plot. Plus, when have you ever seen me cry?"

"True," you say, giving him a nudge with your shoulder. He chuckles at your tear stained cheeks and offers you his hoodie sleeve, which you take and use to wipe your eyes. "Seungmin? Jack Dawson's death didn't hit hard for you?"

He shakes his head with a brown, his dark brown hair flopping over his forehead. "Not really. Like Minho said, I know the plot, and it's expected."

"You're insane," Yuna gasps, unable to comprehend the fact that the saddest movie of all time hadn't been able to make him shed a tear. "You must be made of steel."

He only shrugs in response, standing up and stretching out his limbs. "Should probably head back; that movie went on for ages and I've got shit to do tomorrow."

That spurs a collective agreement from the guys, the ones on the floor repeating Seungmin's action. Jeongin shakes his legs out after having them cramped up to his chest to make room for Lia beside him. "It's a Saturday, have a rest."

Seungmin ignores the comment, picking up his jacket and putting it on. You stand up too to say your goodbyes to them, when Minho tugs at your arm.

"Help me up," he whines, so you pull him up with a roll of your eyes. You miss the way he winces as you do so, turning to give Felix a hug, the boy waiting patiently with his arms open.

"Why don't we go for coffee tomorrow?" He says when you hug him. "Dance crew study session, like the good old days?"

"I'd be up for that," you reply with a nod, since you hadn't had anything planned for tomorrow anyway. "We do have to have our ideas ready for our practical on Wednesday, so would be good."

"We do?" Minho questions with his arm slung round you as his goodbye, which makes Hyunjin laugh as he leaves his departing conversation with Yuna.

"Maybe you should start attending lectures," he says slyly, looking toward you with a smile after Minho rolls his eyes and removes his arm from your shoulder. Hyunjin steps towards you, bringing you into his chest momentarily. You're slightly startled by the action, since Hyunjin is never really physically affectionate with you like Felix or Minho are, but you accept the hug. Everyone else was hugging goodbye, anyway.

"Maybe you should hop off my dick," Minho retorts, sticking out his tongue as Hyunjin pulls away and picks up his jacket.

"Gross," Jeongin gags.

You shake your head, laughing, in an attempt to ignore the butterflies forming in your stomach. "So, study date tomorrow?"

"Sure," Hyunjin confirms, looking over to Chaeryoung who turns away from saying goodbye to Seungmin to give a thumbs up.

"I could use it," Minho admits, and Felix claps his hands.

"Great! Aw, we're getting the old gang back together!" He smiles, and he's so happy that you don't tell him your 'gang' talks regularly on your dance group chat and is with each other almost every day.

The guys all head off then, leaving the five of you girls alone with a pile of sweets and crisp packets strewn everywhere and a half eaten cake on your table. You start cleaning up instantly, not wanting to have to deal with it later.

"So," Ryujin says, slyly coming up to you and nudging your shoulder before starting to pick up the mess. The other girls begin helping too. "Mr Hwang hugging you goodbye? Now that's an unforeseen action if I've ever seen one."

You give her a look, but your facade cracks when you can't help but to sigh with a smile. "Am I reading into that too much? Or was that a moment."

"That was most definitely a moment," Ryujin confirms, taking the trash bag Lia hands her with a smile and starting to dump the rubbish into it. "He didn't hug any of us goodbye."

You smile inwardly, unable to help yourself. You wait until Lia is back in the kitchen before you say, “Is it bad that I kind of like him?”

Ryujin laughs - a loud, bent over hysterical laugh as you watch her with raised eyebrows. She steadies herself with a hand against the arm of the sofa as Chaeryoung comes through at the noise.

“What on earth is all that about?” She questions, clearly fed up with cleaning as she flops onto the sofa and puts her fear up on the table.

“She’s finally admitted she’s got feelings for Hyunjin,” Ryujin says, grinning at Chae like a mad woman.

Chaeryoung’s eyes visibly light up, and she turns to you with a smile. “You’re kidding!”

“I never said I have feelings for him,” you point out, though it’s futile at this point since your two friends are squealing together. Shaking your head at them, you finish clearing the last of the trash up.

“We called it months ago,” Chaeryoung sighs, a glazed look in her eyes. She pulls her long dark hair behind her ears. “I like to think this is all because of me.”

“It kinda is,” Ryujin responds, moving the trash bag so you can dump the remanence into it. “You cracked the surface, and they did the rest.”

“Can we stop talking like we’re in a movie, please,” you groan, flopping down beside Chae and letting Ryujin dispose of the trash bag. “I can’t believe I actually probably like Hyunjin. Past me would piss herself.”

“That she would!” You hear Ryujin shout through from the kitchen, followed by audible confusion from Yuna and Lia.

“He definitely likes you back, anyway,” Chae sighs excitedly, clapping her hands. “It’s so obvious. When are you gonna tell him?”

“Woah woah,” you say, putting your hands up. Chae frowns at you. “We literally just reconciled our differences a couple weeks ago - let’s not move too fast here.”

“Well you need to tell him,” Ryujin says blatantly when she returns to the room, standing with her hand on her hip. “Or else we’re gonna have to watch him pine after you all semester.”

You roll your eyes at her. “He does not pine after me, Jesus,” you say, though you watch your friends share an obvious look. “I’m just gonna see how things go for now, and if I’m still feeling this way in a couple weeks then I’ll think about telling him.”

Ryujin and Chaeryoung groan simultaneously, Ryujin throwing up her hands exasperatedly. “We finally get a bit of drama that doesn’t make me want to cry and you’re not even gonna indulge us?”

“Charity week,” Chaeryoung says with a shrug, making you both turn to her. “It’s two weeks away - if you still think you like him, that’s your deadline for telling him.”

“I have a deadline now?” You stress, thinking about how you’d only started to realise your feelings towards Hyunjin yourself not half an hour ago. Chae nods decisively.

“It’s the perfect time. There’s always the big party at the outdoor auditorium at the end of the week with fireworks and stuff - how romantic would it be to declare you feelings then?” She gushes, clasping her hands in front of her chest. Ryujin turns to you with a crazed look, nodding.

“She’s so right. Plus, if my relationship scenario is a shit show, I want to live vicariously through you,” she smiles.

You tilt your head at her, thinking about what she’s told you about her conversation with Changbin the other day. “I thought you said you were on good terms now?”

“Yeah we are, but this whole ‘just being friends’ kind of sucks. If he wasn’t all over the place right now I’d be with him. I dunno, I just…feel like I need someone right now, but he just can’t be that person,” you nod, placing a hand on her knee to comfort her.

“I’m glad you’re mature enough to understand that,” you say honestly, Chae nodding her head. Ryujin had always been such an independent person - her self sufficience and bold personality having slightly intimidated you when you’d first met her. After the shit show that was last semester, you’d seen her demeanour crack, and you’d sworn to yourself to try and not let that happen again.

“It will be so much better for you in the long run to have some time apart. You still like each other, you still want to be together, just not right now,” Chaeryoung says with a sad smile, resting her head on Ryujin’s shoulder momentarily. “Right person, wrong time.”

“I guess,” Ryujin sighs. “Doesn’t suck any less though. You know what we should do next weekend? Clubbing.”

You instantly groan at the idea, knowing clubbing was not your scene these days. Your group used to go clubbing regularly, but you’d decided the late nights and hangovers were just not worth it anymore. You would, however, indulge your sad friend if she needed you too.

“Fine,” you say after a second, which makes Ryujin smile. Chaeryoung agrees too, and after finishing your talk with the other girls when they come through to join you, you all go your separate ways and head to sleep.

The next morning, you wake up at a surprisingly reasonable time, the sound of Yuna practicing lines making you stir. She’s up earlier than you, for once, which is rare for her, but you knew she had auditions for the end of year show coming up soon, so she’d been practicing lines non stop.

You’re just about to grab your phone to check your messages when you hear her scream. It startles you, causing you to practically jump out your skin and rush through to her room. Lia is right there with you, sharing a panicked look as you both burst through the door, staring at the back of Yuna’s head.

“What the hell?” Ryujin says groggily, walking through in nothing but her underwear from the sudden commotion. Chaeryoung follows shortly after, her hair a riot and having obviously just woken up. You all crowd round Yuna who’s on her phone, watching her slowly turn around you with the colour drained from her face.

Chills run down your spine when she days, “That Twitter page posted about me.”

tag list

@cursed-mars-bars @https-skzology @imasimplol @hyunverse @aestaeticous @dorisnumber1fan @tasteskz-sword @amnmich @detectivedoodle @amara-mars @end0rchans @raresevng @thementallyunhinged @nhyun @lixie-phoria @llavendarlilacc

[nohoperadio]

I'm gonna have a crack at @perdvivly's ask meme what I got tagged in now... let's go!!

1. What virtue do you most often see in other people that you feel comparatively deficient in?

A less brave question asker might have built up to the heavy shit and put the lighthearted questions first, I respect it. Okay part of what's tricky here is that to answer this properly I'd have to make some judgment calls about which of my deficiencies are rightly attributed to genuine lack of virtue vs to something like disability, and that's a scary distinction to look at too closely. So my instinct is to avoid any territory close to that border, but the actual true answer probably is close to the border--the below is probably something of a cop-out is what I'm saying.

Here's something I've only relatively recently started conceptualizing as a virtue: the desire and ability to share the enjoyment of the things you're passionate about with other people. The books and music and etc I like, I tend to be content to enjoy them by myself in the corner, whereas for other people experiencing these things alongside others and talking about them and stuff is a large part of the point. This latter tendency is most obvious in what gets called fandom but there are lots of other expressions of it, some more casual/normie, but I don't really do any of it very much. And I used to think this difference was just "people care about different things, whatever" but lately I'm leaning more towards thinking that the more communal approach is just straight-up superior; it looks like some important, richer varieties of experience are available over that way, and I now regret that I didn't try to move myself further in that direction when I was younger.

2. Show us an object in your daily life that you have an emotional attachment to - tell us a little bit about it if you want! (a favourite mug perhaps? socks with a cute pattern? dealers choice)

Mugs (plural) probably is the best answer to this, but I've already tackled that at great length here. What else... well, my main bookmark, given to me by a friend and depicting a scholar I respect very much, has lasted an impressively long time im humble o:

3. If you could choose, what level of fame would you want? How many people would you want to recognise you?

Impossible to imagine strangers randomly approaching me in the street to start conversations being anything other than nightmarish, so the ceiling has to be below that. I guess there's different types of fame that presumably make for very different experiences, a famous actor probably gets a rawer deal than an equivalently famous author, and the type of famous author whose demographic is such that self-promoting on instagram and twitter is part of the job description surely has a worse life than one who doesn't have to do that.

Someone who knows more about the culture than me could probably say exactly what kind of thing you should be famous for to minmax getting all the pleasant-feeling respect and financial rewards while preserving privacy and minimizing unpleasant public obligations, but I'm not sure what the answer is. However this comic still pops into my head occasionally after all this time and it might be a better answer than any of these words:

4. Where do you feel language is least adequate to capture, communicate, or express your experience?

Actually I don't often get the feeling that my difficulties in expressing myself are related to the limitations of language, I tend to run into more mundane constraints before that one becomes an issue, like my embarrassment around talking about myself or my not being in tune with my own mental life or the fact that my brain is very small. I think generally if something's too subtle to put into words it's too subtle for me to think clearly about/have anything worth saying about in the first place.

I guess my other possible answer to this would be "all of my experience of life in its entirety" which is also true in a way.

5. If you had to come up with a question with the following criteria:

a) it should disuade knee-jerk reaction answers (i.e. it shouldn't be something people are likely to have spent a lot of time considering before)

b) it shouldn't be too specialised (the audience should be general, don't ask about people's top 3 byzantine spice merchants opperating between 754AD-816AD)

c) it shouldn't be needlessly emotionally charged or divisive

d) it should be a question you expect people to have lots of varied opinions about

What would your question be?

Yeah no it's hard, you've done well. My first thought with criteria A (which I think is the hardest one to cover) is to make the question require describing somebody else's perspective on something, because that way even if the answerer has their own knee-jerk opinion about the thing they'd be forced to suspend that in their answer. Maybe something like this would work:

Think of a topic that somebody close to you has very different feelings about from your own--it can be the smallest, most trivial matter of taste or something weightier if you like--what do you think is the relevant difference between you and this person that explains your different takes on that topic?

I would hope that if this question were in an ask meme like this people would tend to focus on fun and/or lighthearted differences but maybe it would turn people's brains towards bitter conflicts, I'm not sure. Anyway I'm glad question 5 doesn't end with "...and what is your answer to that question?" because it looks difficult to me!

---

This was fun imo, some of the questions were more intimidating than is the norm for these things but what's wrong with a little spice you know, I recommend it, thank you @perdvivly for erecting this jungle gym of the soul. I'm following the same coward's strat as last time of picking people sort-of-randomly by tagging the last three mutuals to show up in my notifications, this time excluding the three I tagged last time, so that gives @fregolious, @abodywithorgans and @wellmetmat. I'd like to hear from you! If the random method somehow gave people I didn't want to hear from I would have had no qualms about fudging it until I got people I liked, so don't let that put you off! But also, again, any mutuals who feel like doing this and claiming that I tagged them should do so, because in spirit I have, you understand.

[tsukiyadori]

About the Title "Kemutai Hanashi"

Author Hayashi Fumiya tweeted a link to their pixivFanbox this week, which I have also only now read, despite it having already been up since 2022:

It's about the Title. Everyone can become like Takeda and Arita and everyone can become somebody who'd treat them like 'smoke'. And either of it is a right thing, but also wrong at the same time. It's an article about this subject. It has been completely set to public access, so anyone can read it. [Smoke] Just who is 'smoky'? | Hayashi Fumiya | pixivFanbox

I decided to translate it, as the article is quite insightful for this title, which is, by all means, rather hard to properly translate:

煙たい kemutai means literally 'smoky'. There is something or someone smoky, it stings your nose, throat and eyes, making it hard to breathe and you suffer. Figuratively it describes something awkward, uncomfortable, that makes you feel constrained, crammy, reserved, hesitating while also wanting to keep it at a distance, at an arm's length away, be that out of polite respectful distancing or simply because it's not pleasant to deal with. (Just like smoke.)

話 hanashi can mean story, conversation, or more abstractly a theme, subject, topic, thing.

煙たがる kemutagaru literally means "wanting to make into smoke". It describes being sensitive to smoke or figuratively to dislike the company of someone or considering them a burden, a nuisance, troublesome. So to keep the metaphor it's like they treat them like smoke.

For the article's translation below, I will for the most part use the literal translation of 'smoke' or "smoky" for kemutai, as to not disturb the author's thoughts with my own interpretation.

[Smoke] Just Who is 'Smoky'?

Posted November 7th, 2022 07:45

Occasionally I get questions about the meaning of the title, but I notice I haven't really talked about it. I think chapter 12 delves somewhat onto its core, so I thought now might be a good time to touch upon it.

The title "Kemutai Hanashi" is the title the first installment of the doujin version holds. Basically, its meaning hasn't changed since.

Kemutai Hanashi #1: [Original Work] Kemutai Hanashi I collected the story about the two, that I windingly posted on twitter here. I was hesitating about borrowing the tag, but whether the two have this sort of relationship or not is not an issue of this story. So I would be very happy if you could let it not concern you and read it with a broad heart! 2019.6.30 ps: I was brooding over it, but because the idea of that the feelings of the two are apart from a romantic relationship has solidified, I decided to remove the BL tag from this series.

(Note: This first doujin installment broadly corresponds to volume 3, or in direct scene correlations to chapter 13 and 17, with the chapters in between being new and expanding on it.)

To begin with, this story was not a story about how the relationship between the two is outside the realm of being common and how they kind of can't explain it. It's about Arita who broods over how Takeda's surroundings don't understand him. On the side there is the setting about how their relationship is a sort of not knowing what it is, but the main theme is about 'What is true kindness?'.

At the time, my personal underlying motive for drawing this was because I thought if I talked to somebody about it, they'd think of me as annoying, so I made a manga out of it. If Takeda really existed, likely there would be people just like in the story who would make fun of Takeda's kindness and not understand him. I might be one of them. From the perspective of those people, it might already be bothersome to just listening to anyone trying to defend Takeda. In a way, it is a story, that blames people for not understanding. That's why I decided on the title 'Kemutai Hanashi', which is entwined with the smoking inside this story.

I think I decided on the title as the series title after I already drew several installments of the doujin, but this theme permeates through all of them, because I thought people would think of me as bothersome if I talked about it. It was like declaring "to talk about something bothersome!". If I were asked who was talking about 'smoky' things, the answer would be Takeda and Arita. That's why, at the end of the published version's chapter 1, Takeda says that their life would be a "smoky" thing to the eyes of other people.

One might consider the people of the series, who do not understand Takeda and Arita, or are sensitive to them as if they are smoke, as "terrible people". But not understanding or being indifferent to other people is, if you changed perspectives, something everyone does. Everyone may not understand somebody and consider them to be troublesome. Due to the structure of the story and having Takeda and Arita as protagonists, it's easy to be supportive of them, but everyone can become Takeda and Arita, while they also can become people who treat them like smoke.

I think it's inevitable, that people wind up being indifferent to other people. There is a limit to understanding, and I think you also need to protect yourself. If you were to empathize with everyone and everything that happens, your body won't last. If you blame yourself for not understanding, your heart won't last. That's why I think that, as one option of many, becoming indifferent is not something to be reproached for. However, I'd like for people to be self-aware about the likelihood that you may be indifferent to somebody. I'd like people to not forget, that it might be, that you are treating someone really badly. I choose the title with this sort of self-admonishment behind it.

---------------------

(TL time ~90min)

[leonsliga]

I know I'm spamming with this. But I just can't be anything but heartbroken.

https://twitter.com/iMiaSanMia/status/1767184731739697196?t=CO3GdBoIlDoNywEz-kPLVw&s=19

He said this just a day before being kicked out.

He had done the ads for their kits. And all the promo stuff.

Completely blindsided. How strong can a person be honestly? He had to get over being the scapegoat for tuchel, for twitter hate, for bayern bad run, for flick and now nagelsmann? He was prepared and probably had his bag packed for the break. How could they do this to him?

I mean what more can he do. If playing so well (I think we disagree here, I feel he has had a very stable solid season with not a lot of bad matches) can't get him in over a boy (whom I'm happy for I guess or I will be once this wave of sadness tides over) who has had like 2 months of experience, then what in the gd world will?

What's he gonna play for. If nagelsmann is saying leon was furious hearing this... I hope he didn't tell him he couldn't play. Why is the football world so unfair to him really ?

Do you think he'll make it to the Euros Bri? Honestly?

I hope he does.

Feeling so resentful towards the NT team.

It’s ok to spam me! I don’t mind 💜 I’ve been absolutely heartbroken too, so it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in that hurt.

I saw his interview response too, and knowing he said it just before the news broke is devastating.

He’s only ever wanted one thing: to help the team, and I think that’s what hurts so much. How could he not feel inadequate after hearing that Nagelsmann didn’t want him—after learning that his hard work to get back to his best wasn’t enough?

He’s been through so much this season (and last season too). Like you said, he spent most of it as Tuchel’s scapegoat. And as if he hadn’t been punished enough, he’s also had to face the wrath of disgruntled fans and his fellow countrymen:

You’re right; he probably had his bag all packed and ready to go, only to get a serious case of whiplash not long afterward, when he learned he wouldn’t be leaving.

We can agree to disagree here :) I think my critique is that while he’s put up decent performances in most matches, Bayern expects the exceptional. So when I say he’s had some rough patches, it’s because I know he can be even better. He’s shown us that before (Bayern’s treble-winning season being the chief example), and he’s shown us that again against Mainz. And like you’ve pointed out in the past, Leon’s far from Bayern’s biggest problem anyhow 🤷‍♀️

This round of call-ups was bittersweet for me too. I’m super proud of Aleks, but I’m also devastated for Leon, even if it is just a few matches. It’s a lot to process.

I know Nagelsmann mentioned it “wasn’t a pleasant conversation” with Leon, but he can’t really blame him for that. How would he feel if he was in Leon’s place—if he was denied the opportunity to represent his country?

My opinion on whether or not he’ll play for the Euros? I think it depends on his performances in Bayern’s upcoming matches. His fate is in his hands. If he keeps up his string of good performances, I don’t see why he wouldn’t be called up. Maybe it’s the delusion talking, but that’s my opinion. I still believe Nagelsmann left Leon off the NT as a test of sorts—as a means to see how he can deliver under pressure.

At the very least, much like you, I hope he’ll be there for the Euros too. We’ll have to see what to develops, as much as I hate to say it 😵

[quakinqueer]

Sorry for invading your inbox again but i just wanted to say how grateful i am to have a civil discussion with someone about this. Its rare to have a discussion on the internet without people hurling insults and trying to understand the other side. So thank you

(sorry this took me a while, I sort of vowed to stay off socials for a just little while for my own good)

No worries, you're not invading anything! And same here! I tend to avoid almost all online interaction for that very reason, and it was genuinely pleasant to have a normal conversation (albeit under upsetting circumstances). You're very welcome, and a thank you from me as well.

Additional yaps ahead

I truly believe almost all online/fandom discourse and arguing would be solved by nuance and the ability to let go of pride/compromise. But unfortunately I think a large majority of the internet suffers from thinking their anonymity absolves them of all social responsibility and consequences. But oh well.

Now, about damien. As of right now, he's still on break. I was genuinely expecting him to use his sunday stream as an opportunity to clear things up, but I guess he still needs more time (?). I just realllyyy hope he's thinking rationally about this and not, like you said, stewing in self hate. And by God i hope he doesn't let this fester too long, it unfortunately already has. Twitter (not all of them, just a few of the bigger accounts) is already having a blast bashing him for his fuck up, and while, yes, he messed up real bad and acted thoughtlessly, I honestly think a few of them on there are having a little too much "fun" with this. Or atleast, acting like he's done something he cant come back from.

Honestly my biggest hope is that he just recognizes where he went wrong. Seems like a simple expectation to have of someone as seemingly self-aware as damien, but I'm honestly not too sure what to think at this point (still in that same 'dont want to get my hopes up' mindset from yesterday).

What's most important is that zayna, the original poster of the initial tweet, made a thread talking about how she isn't actually mad at him, nor should anyone be, explaining the situation and her perspective and basically just trying to get people to quit fighting. She expressed sadness over the hate she was getting (which was entirely unwarranted and incredibly upsetting) but also over the hate damien was getting. Honestly just a necessary read to understand the situation.

https://x.com/sitcomabed/status/1789838890091556873

[communist-ojou-sama]

Since I’ve had a few drinks in me and I’m feeling a little talkative, I feel like I’ve finally arrived at an opinion on AI art after a long period of not saying anything.

 Ofc, necessary context is that while I’m someone who spends a lot of time looking at fanart, I’m not a visual artist but also as someone really involved in another fine art (classical music) I think I understand the feelings that go into developing the technique a lot of illustrators have more than some of the other commentators on this site.

Of course the thing to get at right away is that, good news for everyone, most AI art done in the style of popular online illustration is quite bad and I’m not sure it’ll be possible to cajole it into being good, just as I’m not really very worried about LLM translations as a jp-en translator because, having done some work with them I’ve concluded that they’ll never be particularly capable of translating the kind of conversational Japanese I specialize in, and that perhaps the fears of AI art greatly disrupting the sort of twitter/patreon illustration ecosystem were pretty overblown, but that there’s more to the issue than that.

Anyway what I’m getting at here is that while obviously, the moral character of AI art doesn’t matter: it’s here to stay and we’re gonna have to deal with it one way or another, to bemoan backlash from visual artists and accuse them, essentially, of close-mindedness is just as silly as the most extreme anti-AI art positions that I’ve seen given voice.

 I often hear from people trying to give a reasonable perspective on the matter that the vitriol from more traditional illustrators toward these programs is unfounded because all it does is take in images as training data, recombine them via a certain process, and then produce something new based on that data and, when abstracted like that, isn’t that really just what a human learning to draw looks like?

Well, this is the problem with abstraction, isn’t it? “a certain process” here is a phrase doing a very heavy amount of work, equating matrix multiplication with years of admiring, yearning, frustration, breakthrough, sacrifice, self-discovery, that is abstracted away by pretensions toward “reasonability.”

However rational it may be, the vitriol from the community of illustrators who put their blood, sweat, and tears into being able to make art that’s pleasant to look at is better understood as an elemental force, an inevitable result of attempts by these financialized, extractive tech interests to use them as a mineable resource, and I don’t think you have the right to try to get an word in edge-wise about the “rationality” of replacing copy-writers with ChatGPT which does their job 20% shittier, repeated exponentially over some heretofore-unseen period: the anger is here and won’t be reasoned away, it’s the inevitable and unavoidable response to our social and historical moment, and presuming to reason with it is much like presuming to reason with a geyser imo

[horizon-verizon]

Helaena & Aegon's Relationship -- A Book Reader Explaining How They Got Some Truths or Conclusions Out of an Unreliable Narrator/Account

Also can be found on Twitter HERE.

*HEADCANON*

Art Credit by fkaluis

There's really no reason to think that F&B is unreliably telling/twisting this moment, as this part is told through Munkun/Orwyle, Orwyle who was there to witness Alicent putting out this search party for Aegon to get him quickly crowned.

QUOTE of Helaena about Aegon's Whereabouts (in case pic below is illegible, not sure about pic quality)

Yes, Orwyle was writing to paint himself as non-complicit/innocuous as possible to avoid execution during his imprisonment.

Yes, Helaena is reported to be a "pleasant", seemingly non-confrontational person.

Yes, there is the possibility that he wasn't in the room when Helaena answered the searchers.

However, again, what we know of Aegon, his raping, his philandering, the fact he wasn't present and in the room with Helaena and had to be looked for maybe a few hours before being found and then found with a 12-year-old (he was in his early 20s), speaks volumes about their relationship alone. We do not hear anything that shows Aegon was even involved in his kids' development or nurturing or hung out with them, just because.

Meanwhile we absolutely, at least, know that Viserys kept Rhaenyra close to him at the feast while Aemma was alive, & even more so after he named her heir. (Viserys has got his own parenting issues even with Rhaenyra, but he was definitely loving towards Aemma & Rhaenyra and was present. Rhaenyra would have remembered him as putting in that parental effort).

We absolutely know that Baela and Rhaena, Aegon III and Viserys II & all the Velaryon boys were close with, trusted, or worshipped Daemon by:

Jace trusting him with Dragonstone and the Seeds

no would-have-been-used-against-Daemon rumor; not even rumors of contention between any of them (same guy -Daemon- that people feared? Plz they'd be talking)

Baela being described as the female version of Daemon, or her going through mourning him by being "wild" as Aegon's council saw it

Rhaena herself having Daemon's fire (fear of reaction to her 1st husband's death, love for attention, etc)

Aegon III likely naming his daughter after him & Daena naming her son (the Blackfyre) after her grandfather Daemon (indicates Aegon expressed his love for Daemon to her)

And there is absolutely no indication that Aegon II's relationship with Helaena mirrored anything like Jaehaerys x Alysanne/Daemon x Rhaenyra/Alyssa x Baelon/Aemon x Jocelyn/Rhaenys x Corlys. The Targ/Valyrian couples have the most romantic stories of the ASoIaF universe (as told by narrative).

Even in the more contentious couples' (of my list) earliest, most romantic years. Not a one. No reports of longing glances, hushed conversations ignoring the rest of the room as if they were in a bubble, screams of pleasure, tender arm holding, flying their dragons together, no famous words of affection or appreciation of the other's attributes. Nothing.

And Helaena being a "pleasant" person does not negate the ability to establish boundaries, fight back when alarmed/annoyed/feeling intruded on, or had some Targaryen pride herself. Or have some self-possession.

So really, we absolutely can & should take as fact, that Helaena said what I quoted about Aegon not being in her bed.

QUOTE of Helaena before Jaehaerys' Death

Aegon & Helaena, despite some people's insistence, were never close & were never in love & were never a true couple. And Aegon was never a good father, nor a good husband or person all on his own merit.

Anyway, back to the prime point: we as readers have managed to understand characters, their motivations, relationships, etc even though the entire account of the Dance and before the Dance/war IS made up of many sources w/agendas 7 biases before we look at "So Spake Martin"/"The Citadel 'ASoIaF' Archive"--or anything like those--websites.

But of course, some people already know & acknowledge some FACTS about these characters from these sources, but will thump their way into ad-hominems and divergent tangents just to avoid it & affirm themselves.

[wingzie]

Behind the Screen

The Beginning

On 20th September 2020 I posted my first ever Live Reactions on GCF in Tokyo. I was very nervous. In a world full of so much hate, would my attempt to go back in time to reminisce together and spread positivity be accepted? I wasn’t so sure. My idea behind the very concept of Live Reactions was because I was sick of so many fights about GCF in Tokyo. I wanted to show the true loving reactions to these moments, without all the drama that ends up going around in a vicious cycle. Thus, I started doing some research.

After I finished advanced searching on various social media platforms, I got ready to make the thread. I found myself quickly enjoying looking through old posts. It was fun and I think that’s a big part of why I am still making these now, nearly three years later. Plus the support. Once the thread was made, I posted it and actually hid my phone. I came back to it about an hour later and was very surprised to see such a huge response to it. At the time, it was one of my most popular posts and instantly there was a desire for more. 

I decided to throw myself into it.  If people wanted more, then I was happy to help with that! Especially when it was making so many people happy. I made a new Google Drive account and a spreadsheet to go with it, so that I could keep track of which Jikook moments I had already done or not. Over time, I would start formatting my posts properly and understand how the advanced search function worked on Twitter. I am a History and English major, so being accurate is very important to me. This gave birth to my second style of posts: Discussion and timeline threads. The Unexpected

Though these threads are well received and made with a lot of love, there was a dark side to this that I have never really spoken about before. The jikooker hierarchy is a strange one and is one that I try to ignore, but with that comes consequences and a certain isolation. A group of jikookers did not like that my account had apparently grown from out of nowhere and started spreading rumours about me, my posts and my identity. This hurt because I had never spoken to these people before. I would love it if we actually conversed, because I enjoy talking to people and I like to think that I am a pleasant person. But they were not interested and instead they continued to try and tarnish my name. I decided to come out to my closest friends and just continued what I was always doing.

I mostly ignored the bullying and it soon stopped once they realised that I was really not interested in the drama. I never have been and never will. After all, that was the main reason I started this journey of making threads. To try and counter the hate and drama, I just never expected it from my own side. It made me more determined than ever and I also made a promise to myself, to make sure others NEVER experienced what I did. A good friend of mine recently revealed that I was one of the only ones that would reply to their curious messages about Jikook. I feel like this is also something important: How we are seen from the outside. We want Jikook to be recognized for their bond and their talent. But how can we do that if all we do is fight or act better than others? I will always be here to talk or help others, it’s just in my nature to do so.

The Present and The Future

In the last few months or so my life has changed dramatically, in real life and also online. I have lost family members, got a new job and I am currently on carers leave. I decided to bring my laptop in the hope that I could work on some posts whilst everything was happening. I have (somehow) managed to find a balance between both and now have a loose schedule that I try to follow. I also try to not pressure myself whenever there is a new Jikook moment to instantly start working on it. I used to get really stressed, but now I am much better. One thing, however, is making this whole process rather difficult. Twitter. Or “X” as it’s now called. I can no longer just work on a post whenever I want to, I have to be time conscious. I currently have four accounts and have to rotate between them. Last night Jungkook went on We-live, with Jimin active in the comments. Jikookory happened. It was around 2am my time, but I’m still struggling to sleep in case I am needed. I decided to work on getting screenshots and it was hard. The search function does not work as well as it used to and my timeline is messed up on my backup accounts. There’s probably a case study that can be done here, but I just really wanted to work on a post without being restricted. I continued though, determined to show what others see. Sometimes we’re only aware of what is is happening in our own circles and not what is going on around us. Those that are in personal spaces with me know my deep frustration with all of this. On my Birthday, my main account got double limited and then my second account got locked. It was not fun. However, I refuse to give up. I have already completed my scheduled posts for August and September and am (very slowly) working on posts ready for November and December. Assuming that “X” is still around then. If not, I’ll post elsewhere or here. And for those asking why I haven’t been posting on here, my account seems to be bugged and won’t let me post links or videos in text posts for some reason. No idea why. Guess I don’t have much luck with social media platforms. With the way things are right now, this is a promise. I will continue to keep doing what I have been doing over all these years. It might be harder but I still have that same goal that I’ve always had: To spread postivity and appreciation for Jikook for all in a safe environment. Love you all.

[lolo3hwriting]

Persona 3/4/5 Fic Recommendations

A list of persona fics from ao3 that I particularly like and highly recommend to others. Not in any particular order

Daredevil, You’ve Hit A Wall - P5 Strikers where Sumire and Akechi appear in the story. One of my favorites, mostly focuses on Joker but has perspectives from all of the phantom thieves and lots of introspection. Also has a sequel for P5 Tactica

By @/ez-cookie on tumblr

Pleasant Boy - P5 Royal where Akechi gets taken by Maruki and turns into the polite detective prince, with the phantom thieves trying to revert him.

By @/ez-cookie on tumblr

The Definition of Insanity - P3 Timeloop where P3 Protag is stuck in a timeloop with Ryoji. One day, Kotonoe shows up and throws everything off

By @/BkZa555 on twitter

Double the Hope - P5 and P4 crossover where Yu helps Akria by erasing his criminal record and they take down the conspiracy together 

By Novirp13 on ao3

Is That Really How the World Should Be? - P5 and P4 crossover, Ren took Yaldaboath’s deal and the Investigation Team/Shadow Operatives comes together to figure out what’s going on

By Aurelius_Carlan on ao3

I’m Sitting Right Behind You (And Definitely Not Peeking) - A P4 and P5 crossover chatfic/regular fic where Rise is Joker’s classmate and watches the events of the P5 game unfold, with a few twists

By @/prettypinklass on tumblr

Someone Else’s Soul - Joker summons DLC personas and speaks with their original owners in his dreams. Sweet and hilarious at the same time

By @/prettypinklass on tumblr

Marigolds - P5 Akechi gets sent back in time to get another chance at life after dying in the boiler room. Has his own fool’s journey complete with new social links and palaces. A very long fic, but all of it is very good

By Colbub on ao3

Leave Out All The Rest - Part of a NG+ protagonist au where the P3/4/5 protags go back in time. In this instance, Ren is genderfluid and adopts Akechi and tries to be a good parent. Also part of a whumptober 2020 collection that is also pretty good

By Missingwings on ao3

Life, Death, and the Events Between - Collection of fics from Ryomina week 2023. I particularly like Days 3/5, themed around a flower gifts leading up to a date and a school drama play respectively

By Missingwings on ao3

Can Shadows Find Love in the TV World? - P4 Shadow Kanji and Yu have a sweet conversation with each other. Author also has several other fics about the shadows interacting with each other 

By Unknown_Art on ao3

[twilightmalachite]

Altered - Angels and Devils 6

Author: Akira

Characters: Nagisa, Tsumugi

Translator: Mika Enstars

EN Proofer: PitXRoxas

"…I don’t fit in. I can’t align. I have trouble, and everything goes wrong."

Season: Spring

Location: Soundproof Practice Room

⚠️ This is an import from a unproofed Twitter Livetweet!

Reminiscence. Late spring during the war era, when Nagisa was a 2nd year, in the Yumenosaki Academy lesson room…

Nagisa: …“fine”?

…That’s, a musical notation. Right?

…The meaning being, “it ends here”.

…On the surface, it can also be read it as, fine (/faɪn/), though.

…With, so many possible meanings for the word, how will one know which one it was intended to be named after?

…“Pleasant”. “Agreeable”. “Happy” “pleased” “love”.

…Mhm. It’s all overrun by the positive meaning of the word, fine (/faɪn/).

…“His” true intention of its name, is the musical notation, as I had read it.

…“It ends here”.

…But then what is he trying to end, and why?

Tsumugi: Um~…Were you on the phone?

Nagisa: …Tsumugi-kun.

…Mhm. Hehe, I was given this thing called a smart fone, so I gave Hiyori-kun a call. I mean, called him.

…There are bunches of things I want to talk to him about. I mean, a whole lot of things.

Tsumugi: Erm. …But the smartphone isn’t turned on, though, is it?

Nagisa: …?

…So, I can’t do calls with this? I mean, make a call?

Tsumugi: You can, I just don’t think any call was going through. But, wait… It did seem like you were having a conversation like normal, though?

Nagisa: …It appears I was having a conversation with, an imaginary Hiyori-kun.

…That would explain why I felt we were having a more established conversation than usual.

…Fufu. Having spent too much of my time alone, I can’t, really tell the difference between imagination and reality, anymore.

Tsumugi: A-Aren’t you a strange one… If you’d like to give Hiyori-kun a call, would you like to use my smartphone?

Tsumugi: Eichi-kun used his pocket money to give me the latest model smartphone, saying it’s for work. I’ve got to put it to efficient use!

Nagisa: …I don’t, really know how to, use it, though.

Tsumugi: Let me teach you then, alright? It’s easy once you get used to it!

Nagisa: …Why is it that you are so kind to me, like this?

…I still, I haven’t yet chosen to join you as a colleague yet, of fine.

Tsumugi: Well, unfortunately, we are already colleagues on paper… Eichi-kun had slighted you guys into signing the contract, you know.

Under school regulations and the terms of the unit system, you guys are currently members of our fine.

I’m the leader, but more like a representative in name only, while Eichi-kun is the real representative behind-the-scenes who does the money management and planning.

And as for you, and Hiyori-kun too, the faces of fine… Or rather, we want you to be our figureheads.

I’ve been working hard to gather as many people as possible to join fine, but you two are the only ones who can rival those formidable geniuses, the Five Eccentrics.

Nagisa: …I’m sure Hiyori-kun can be, although I’m unsure if I’d be of much use to you...

...I assume the reason I’m here is as a means to ensnare Hiyori-kun into the unit, once I’m recruited in... isn’t it?

Tsumugi: That’s not true~! Although you do lack common sense and don’t seem to know how to perform idol activities properly, your physical ability and talent is outstanding.

So much so that it’s comparable to the Five Eccentrics, if not surpassing!

You are a rough stone that will shine once polished. All we want to do is to help you shine.

In the current corrupt environment Yumenosaki is now, you will only become buried and rust. I can’t stand by and let that happen… It would be such a waste!

Nagisa: …Am I worth that high of a price, that you’re willing to pay for?

…No, that’s not it. Perhaps that is just nothing but sweet talk, in order to draw me into fine.

…I am not sure. Dealing with real people, is hard.

Nagisa: …It’d been just me for the entirety of my life. Spent alone, I mean.

…Staying true to my father’s teachings, I have been striving to embody the idols he loved.

…But, it appears that the kind of idols I’d envisioned at my young age, differ quite a bit from real idols.

…I don’t fit in. I can’t align. I have trouble, and everything goes wrong.

Tsumugi: Due to that, you’ve been labeled as a problem child full of eccentricities. If I’m being frank, that was my impression of you for a while too.

But I was able to understand after watching you. You hold no malice within you. You’re not causing problems because you want to.

You simply have trouble fitting in, in this reality.

But you are aiming to become an idol more genuinely than anyone else.

Compared to those of us already starting to war out at the age of high school… You are dazzling, facing directly ahead.

I really envy you for that, Nagisa-kun.

Nagisa: ~…♪

Tsumugi: ? …Why are you doing a weird dance all of a sudden?

Nagisa: …To show joy. I mean, to express my joy.

…Because, I am an idol.

Tsumugi: (He really doesn’t align with others, huh~. He appears stern and unapproachable, but his words and actions are somewhat innocent, with a child-like charm.)

(Will it be possible to turn such a child so distant from this world into a ready-to-use asset?)

(Eichi-kun’s behavior is so reckless too~… Why the hurry, what’s there to rush for?)

(Is he so driven by impatience that he’s losing sight of the reality of the situation?)

(Eichi-kun was born sickly and weak, so his life is uncertain. Just letting the problem persist into the future probably doesn’t seem feasible to him…)

(Still, I feel like it’s a bit too unreasonable… He was planning to set up a match in the fall or winter of this year, once the notoriety of the Five Eccentrics gains traction.)

(But I don’t think we’ll make it in time. Shouldn’t it be alright to just start next year during our 3rd year?)

(And instead use our 2nd year as a time of careful planning, as a preparation period.)

Nagisa: Tsumugi-kun, Tsumugi-kun.

Tsumugi: Ah, yes, what is it? I’m sorry, you went out of your way to dance, and I didn’t even think to stop and watch.

Nagisa: …That is all right. It is up to the recipient to decide whether or not to accept. The favor, I mean.

…More importantly, your phone has been ringing for quite a while now.

…Or, maybe that’s also just a hallucination of mine? A figment of my imagination?

Tsumugi: Oh, whoa, you’re right! I didn’t notice at all. I guess I’m pretty tired too, my attention span is a little low…

Wait, is this a call from Hiyori-kun? Oh geez, and this guy gets in a bad mood when the phone isn’t answered quickly enough, too!

Nagisa: Eh, Hiyori-kun? I wanna talk with him too, this time with the real Hiyori-kun…♪

Tsumugi: Don’t cling to me like that, Nagisa-kun! I can’t answer the phone, it’s too difficult to move!

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[gctchell]

anonymous asked: I can just imagine the potential au out of that niffty alastor Pic you posted.

Anon my brain has been buzzing ever since I saw it this morning, my GOD. The potential is JUICY.

"They say the family you choose is better." I thought this moment was a gross oversight and they completely forgot Niffty, because she is tiny and you can fit her just about anywhere - she'd fit perfectly above Alastor's head. But now that I've seen this little delicious piece of fanart, I'm wondering if it might have been intentional after all! Because Niffty is such a good family member to involve in moments like this, yet..

Also, these little dolls. Originally I assumed they were related to Alastor's practice, but getting a closer look at them.. They're a little cutesy, aren't they? Alastor summons brutal tentacles and shadow creatures that seem more fitting for his personal aesthetic, but then he also summons these little devil doll helpers that feel a little out of place. I'm not saying they couldn't fit him, especially with the dapper aesthetic, but looking at this new theory it feels more like Niffty's style, especially when you look at the expressions.

I can just envision Niffty sitting in her room stitching these things to life. I can see it so clearly.

I've been part of conversations that have thrown around the notion that Niffty is actually an Overlord, as well. In the Pilot, she was right there in the casting of the Overlords alongside Husk, who WE have found out is also an Overlord. There's also this neat Twitter post pointing out she has been in multiple imagery that I did not even notice!

ANYWAYS.

My brain is buzzing with scenarios where Niffty is an Overlord;

What the Hell is going to put Alastor within a deeply binding deal to another? This person has to be pretty damn powerful, wouldn't you think? Or in the least, incredibly crafty and clever. This man is BOUND to whoever has him on a leash and it is driving him up the wall. Before Niffty came down in the 50s, he's been kicking around in Hell since the 30s, he has some time under his belt and he has some experience.. So, what does this upstart have to offer?

Well, what if Niffty was a demonologist & worshipper in life and like him, came down to Hell experienced in a different walk of life? She knew exactly where she was going to wind up and she was polished, excited. This is her chosen afterlife and she adores it. She was ready, and there's nothing quite like a soul who embraces her afterlife with full awareness and embodiment of herself. She knows what she's doing, she knows how Hell works, she is expertly versed in it and an infernal academic. She starts ranking up as she pulls souls beneath her belt (how, I don't know just yet!).

Alastor is the kind of guy who is like 'game recognizes game' and he is quickly enticed by her! She's pleasant enough as a personality, and she's delightfully upbeat to boot. They're both from the Golden Age, so there's some relatability there, as well. Meanwhile, she knows who he is. Niffty is obsessive; she knows all the bad boys that are on the map (and even some who are off), and she knows he's a dealmaker. She's not new to deals, either - she made plenty with various sorts of the damned while she was alive.

Her side of the deal is very simple: You be my special companion, and I'll lend you my power. We'll be so happy together!

Niffty struggles to make friends. She loves hard, but she has a personality that can be seen as completely obnoxious and off-putting, driving people away. She's a chatterbox who can go on and on and on, and Alastor is also a chatterbox who can go on and on and on. That lonely heart of hers clutches this opportunity like a fucking knife and drives the needle home in sewing her deal into Alastor's skin, her way of lending him power, but also binding him so damn fiercely to her there is no breaking it. It's a deal. We're friends forever and always.

This is something that does not really grate on him too much as the arrangement is quite profitable and does not really weigh on him, it's in his favor. She tags along wherever he goes and he has power. Yet, prideful creature that he is, he is starting to feel the pull of the deal as he is woven tight to the hotel.

Why is he tied to the hotel if the one who has the contract is Niffty? Well, Niffty longs for friends, and who loved her people? Lilith. Who is going to accept her and support her? Lilith. Who is Niffty going to be loyal to in return? Lilith.

Lilith blips out of the picture for seven years, and coincidentally, so does Alastor. What if Niffty went MIA for all this time, as well? Whatever happened wove them in tight with the Happy Hotel, and Niffty now has an obligation to Charlie - Lilith's daughter. Who has a better shot of being the more charismatic personality that can weave them into the picture more seamlessly? Alastor.

In Episode 8, we see Alastor finally forming something of a soft spot for the group and he has this tender moment with Niffty, confiding in her this truth. It's very sweet. Then later, after barely surviving Adam, Alastor almost died because of this sentimental attachment bullshit. No way, that's not how he is going to go out. He needs to get out of this deal with Niffty somehow, someway, he just doesn't know how yet.

Niffty is very clingy, as well. She said forever, and she meant forever.