#also college just started back up and I CANNOT adjust after a summer of peace 😭🙏

[outthewazoo]

You either said something really funny or he thinks you’re pathetic. It’s probably the latter though sorry.

[luxekook]

bangtan host club ❯ part i

❯ pairing: ot7 x reader

❯ genre: ouran au, college au, crack, smut

❯ summary: when you had decided to take summer lessons at your college, you hadn’t factored in the impending presence of seven insufferably attractive and arrogant boys… the bangtan host club. 

❯ word count: 2.1k

❯ warnings: 18+, cursing, suggestive language, terrible pet names, excessive dramatics

❯ banner by: maggie @kimtaehyunq​

a/n: while this fic is loosely based off of the anime version of ouran highschool host club, it is set in university - meaning that all of the boys are of age (at least 21 years old)

host club members

❯ Kim Namjoon as “Kyoya Ootori” ❯ Kim Seokjin as “Tamaki Suoh” ❯ Min Yoongi as “Takashi ‘Mori’ Morinozuka” ❯ Jung Hoseok as “Mitsukuni ‘Honey’ Haninozuka” ❯ Park Jimin as “Hikaru Hitachiin” ❯ Kim Taehyung as “Kaoru Hitachiin” ❯ Jung Jungkook as “Haruhi Fujioka”

Taking summer classes had never been on my agenda, my studies having been mapped out in detail since the day I arrived on campus three years ago. And then the university’s president suddenly has this utterly groundbreaking epiphany and adjusts the curriculum to “ensure that all students will leave Bangtan University well-rounded”. 

Screw that. My ass is already well-rounded enough, thank you very much.

But despite my best efforts (i.e. begging President Kim to make an exception followed by crafting a petition that gained over ten thousand signatures), I have found that there is no avoiding the dastardly new physical education requirement. And since my schedule for my upcoming senior year has been planned and set for literal years, I’ve been forced to enroll in the sole summer physical education class offered at Bangtan University - Introduction to Weight Lifting.

I wish I was kidding.

To say that I am dreading the start of class tomorrow would be an extreme understatement. I’ll be lucky to escape this summer without physical injury or the loss of my dignity. Athletics have never been my strong suit, and I’ve only entered our campus gym to go to the smoothie bar.

Groaning at just the mere thought of working out and being graded for it, I trek down the streets of outer campus towards the library, swearing under my breath and sweating profusely.

It’s a blazing hot, blue-skied Sunday in July. Typically, I would be lying on a beach somewhere with a drink in my hand, soaking in the warmth of the sun with joy. But instead, here I am, sweltering and desperate for air conditioning after my ancient window unit wheezed its final breath last night. The comfortable chill of the library is my only hope aside from my landlord who promised to fix my air conditioning by tomorrow.

My frustration builds as I turn onto the block lined with imposing and picturesque estates in which the upper echelon of Bangtan University resides. I’d bet the very last ice-pack in my freezer that these houses have unfailing central air.

I pick up my pace, worn Doc Marten platform sandals slapping against the hot pavement. The pristine mansions seem to mock my distress as they exude the coolness of unbothered wealth. Despite there being no Greek life here at Bangtan University, the lack of letters emblazoned on the numerous estates I pass does not symbolize a lack of status. 

This block is home to the athletic teams who throw massive parties whenever they happen to be in the off-season. It’s also home to the legacy clubs - the exclusive groups of current students who are relatives of past alumni.

And last but not least, this block is home to the infamous Bangtan Host Club, a small group of idle rich boys with exceptionally good looks and a penchant for entertaining. 

The aforementioned group’s house comes into view as I draw nearer to campus. The host club’s mansion sits on the corner lot right across the street from campus. Typically, students are wary of such proximity - but not those boys. No, they’re un-phased, throwing massive parties every weekend without fail and without repercussion.

During my first semester, I had been confused as to why their parties had never been shut down; but now I know better. The host club’s president Kim Seokjin is the son of none other than the fucking president of the university - the very same man who damned me to my weight lifting fate.

In fact, almost the entire host club is related to someone with influence - either at the university or within the surrounding community. The only exception to the wealth factor is Jeon Jungkook, who attends Bangtan University on a scholarship not unlike myself.

About 99% of the university are host club stans. As for me? I don’t subscribe to that bullshit. And I do mean literally ‘subscribe’. They have newsletters, merch and everything. I would say I don’t understand it at all, but a small part of me does.

They’re fucking gorgeous. Like I’m talking Tom Ford at New York Fashion Week gorgeous. Armani catalogue centerfold gorgeous. Goddamn Sports Illustrated Men’s Swimsuit Edition gorgeous. 

In fact, I’m pretty sure Kim Seokjin actually does model in his spare time. With his long limbs, broad shoulders and pillowy lips, Seokjin certainly has the features for it. My freshman year roommate bought so many posters of Seokjin from the host club’s merch website I think I could identify him from a hundred yards away in the dark. 

“Hey!” The bellow emanates from the porch of the host club’s house and jolts me from my memories, “Hey, princess!”

I let out a snort. Whoever that pet name is directed at needs to shut that down immediately. I mean, ‘princess’? In this economy? Please. I need off this block ASAP.

“Hello? I’m talking to you, angel!” 

The voice sounds closer now, and my eyes squeeze shut. Oh god, this person cannot be talking to me, can they?

Princess? Angel?

The sheer absurdity pushes me onward, and I do not spare a single glance in the direction where the inane greetings originated. Alas, I barely make it two feet before a tall figure screeches to a halt in front of me, panting like he had just run a marathon. 

I blink as I take in the very boy who just crossed my mind a minute earlier. Kim Seokjin looms over me, chest heaving and smile gleaming.

“Cupcake, hello!” his smile grows wider, “Why didn’t you answer me? I was talking to you.”

My brain is trying to wrap itself around the unfathomable phenomenon I’m currently witnessing. The host club president is beaming down at me like I’m the last custom Rolex ever made. His white t-shirt that probably costs more than my rent stretches across his shoulders in a way that has to be illegal. 

A bead of sweat drips down my back between my shoulder blades. I don’t have time for this attractive detour; I only have time for a long sip of iced water and a seat under an air conditioning vent somewhere deep within the recesses of the quiet library.

“Were you?” I shrug, looking over his illegally broad shoulder and plotting my escape, “I didn’t realize, considering my name isn’t princess, angel or cupcake.”

I inwardly cringe at my tone. I have a tendency to be irritable when the weather is hot, and it seems like today is no exception.

Seokjin stares down at me, his cocky expression wavering for a split second before snapping back into place. “Well, tell me your name then, sunshine, so that I may cordially invite you to the host club’s latest summer extravaganza!” His dark brown eyes sparkle as he remains seemingly impervious to my building ire, beaming down at me.

“No, thank you,” I shake my head decisively and attempt to sidestep around him. 

None of my friends are on campus for the summer, and there is no way I'm going alone to a party full of strangers. That just screams bad decisions, just like the time I willingly ate the dining hall’s “Mystery Meat Special” during my second semester.

Seokjin cuts off my path yet again, and my scowl intensifies as I glare up at him, “Could you move, please?”

Seokjin gapes back at me, “D-don’t you want to come to our party?” I stare at him with eyebrows raised. He continues at a higher decibel, “Don’t you know who I am?”

The nerve of this boy. My eyes scrunch shut as I send a quick plea to anyone out there in the universe to send me patience and then internally count backwards from ten. 

“Yes, I know who you are, Kim,” I finally say, completely exasperated, “And no, I still don’t want to go to your party.”

Seokjin is gobsmacked, looking like he’s seen a ghost as he stands before me open-mouthed. For a second, I allow myself to indulge one more time in his attractiveness, my eyes wandering along his toned torso, his muscular arms, his high cheekbones, his messy brown hair. 

And then he bounces back, snapping his fingers, “Aha! I know what this is. You’re playing hard to get! Okay, I can play along with you, sunshine.”

It’s my turn to gape at him this time, watching as he mumbles to himself about how I must want him to beg for me and how he would just love to do so. I’m about to put a stop to this madness when he spreads his arms wide and announces loud enough for the entire block to hear, “Sunshine, please, attend our party! My heart longs for your presence, and I will only be happy if I can have your arm in mine next Friday night...”

I’m honestly beginning to worry about the boy in front of me. Is he completely unhinged? Am I being Punk’d right now? 

Seokjin prattles on, “So, my sun, my moon, my stars, will you please do me the honor of joining me for a night of fun courtesy of the host club? No guest has yet to be disappointed and—!”

I finally just reach up and cover his mouth with my palm, steadfastly ignoring how plush his lips feel against my skin. “Kim Seokjin!” I hiss, “I promise I am not playing hard to get. I simply do not want to go to your party. Now, please, for the love of god, let me walk by you in peace.”

Loud bursts of laughter sound immediately after I finish speaking, and I whip around to locate the source. Two boys jog over to where Seokjin and I are standing on the pavement. Their laughter doesn’t subside with their approach. If anything, it grows louder.

“Oh, come on, pres,” the pink-haired boy who I know to be Park Jimin jeers, his melodic giggles punctuating each word. “Is this how you plan on handling your first rejection?”

My eyebrows pull together in confusion as I turn to face Seokjin, only to find him lying dramatically on the lawn in front of his house with one arm throw over his face.

“Go away, Jimin,” Seokjin groans, ripping out a handful of grass and throwing it at the other boy. Obviously, he doesn't calculate for the wind and sputters when the grass blows back in his face.

“Boss, you’ve really hit a new low,” the blue-haired boy - Kim Taehyung - grins as he looks back and forth between me and the over-the-top performance happening on the lawn. All Seokjin does in return is flip Taehyung off, seeming to have learned from his grass-throwing lesson.

Well, there’s no need for me to stay a second longer within this realm of crazy.

I turn on my heel and head off towards the library, renewed in my desperation for the relief of blissfully cold air.

Alas, I don’t get too far before the two boys with colorful hair are in front of me - each with an arm thrown over the other’s shoulders. 

“Well, well, well… I must say,” Taehyung drawls.

“You’re quite an intriguing little thing,” Jimin cocks his head, looking me up and down. I try in vain to steel myself against the heated assessments both boys are giving me.

I’d heard a lot about these two - most of it being completely outlandish and borderline unbelievable. Do they really do everything together?

It’s as if that thought is written all over my face as the smirks grow on the faces of Jimin and Taehyung. “If you don’t want to come to our party for Jin-hyung…”

“Will you come for us?” Taehyung finishes Jimin’s thought, and I am almost certain that he intended for that question to be as suggestive as it sounded.

Before I can even attempt to answer, Seokjin launches up from the ground and barges in between the two boys. “Yah! That is no way to speak to a lady! Have I taught you nothing? Don’t you fools remember lesson number fifty-two on being a good host?”

“We didn’t say anything inappropriate, pres,” Taehyung shrugs, looking pleased with how riled up the older boy is growing. His pink-haired counterpart grins, “If anything, you’re the one with the dirty mind, twisting our innocent words into such filth.”

It’s as if Seokjin is struck by lightning - his shock turning him pale as a ghost before the redness overtakes him. I cannot tell if it’s due to embarrassment or anger. All I know is that I need to bounce.

When Mt. Seokjin finally erupts, I slink away and practically jog across the street to campus. Ah, free at last...

a/n: this is part one in my host club series! originally i was going to make this a giant one-shot but i figured i would just break it up into smaller pieces so that i could get some content out uwu

© luxekook do not repost, edit or translate

[embcldens]

。· . ˙ ☀ ⌈ addison rae + cis female + she/her ⌋ yo , have you meet that POGUE , finley bauer , yet ? — no ? well , to give you a little heads up before you do , they’re a TWENTY year old , ZOOLOGY COLLEGE STUDENT & N.E.S.T VOLUNTEER , and have been living in coston for EIGHT YEARS . since i’ve known them , they’ve reminded me of FRECKLES DUSTED ACROSS THE BRIDGE OF YOUR SUNKISSED NOSE , TOUSLED SEA SALT HAIR , A BRIGHT SMILE ETCHED ACROSS YOUR LIPS THAT COULD GIVE THE SUN A RUN FOR ITS MONEY , BEFRIENDING EVERY ANIMAL YOU COME ACROSS , NIGHTS SPENT UNDERNEATH THE CLEAR STAR FILLED SKY & THE SUNS WARMTH AGAINST YOUR SKIN . usually they’re quite EFFLUGENT & DRIVEN but just make sure you keep an eye out for them around town because i heard can be quite CRITICAL & FERVID as well so here’s hoping they aren’t the ones to undo this whole peace pact they have going on this summer . but just between you & me , i kinda hope it all falls apart . the rivalry keeps this whole boring town interesting .

hello , hello , hello !! i’m bronny ( the admin ) , i’m 23 , i’m from new zealand & to say that i’m excited about opening this place back up again & being able to write my lil sunshine girl finley again would be an UNDERSTATMENT !!!  i won’t ramble on about me though bc this intro turned out far longer than i meant it to ( is anyone surprise ? no ... just like finley i too ramble on forever for 0 reason ) so without further ado ... here is finley raegan bauer !!

LINKS

pinterest

about / stats

BACKGROUND

from the moment finley bauer was born , animals have been at the epicentre of her life . you see , finley bauer was born on march 25th 2000 in durban , south africa to charlotte and ragnar bauer . both of who have dedicated their lives to researching , rehabilitating & preserving the wildlife of africa . charlotte bauer worked for a rehabilitation centre for turtles & ragnar bauer worked as a ranger in kruger national park . so it was no surprise that finley followed in both of their footsteps when it came to their love of animals . animals to finley , no matter how big or small , were ( and still are ) the most special and precious creatures in the world and should be looked after no matter what . it was the first thing she ever really understood and the first thing her parents taught her .

throughout her childhood , finley lived a life many may have envied for one reason or another . for the most part , she had lived with her mother in st lucia where she spent the majority of her free time with her mother at the turtle sanctuary she worked at learning and helping in any way she could . but once the school holidays rolled around … finley traveled the 5 hour journey up to kruger national park to spend the weeks with her father . those , if she was being honest , were her favourite moments of all time . she was only quite young but her father allowed her to not only go on tour after tour with him but she was even allowed to witness some of the most heart warming scenes of the rehabilitation of many animals that had been injured by poachers . it was moments like that , that really cemented in her from an early age about what she wanted to do in life . all she wanted was to be able to help animals in the way her parents did and there was nothing that was going to stop her and becoming a wildlife vet was exactly how she was going to do it .

but at the age of twelve , finley’s life was moved half way across the world due to her mother getting a new job — one in her home town of coston , north carolina . if finley had it her way , she would have stayed with her dad . moving from sous africa , her home , was the last thing she wanted to do but both her parents agreed that kruger national park wasn’t the best place to raise a child so finley swapped her life in south africa for one in coston , north carolina in the united states .

it was an adjustment to say the least . moving to a new town was hard enough to begin with but throw in a small town where everybody knows everybody & a slightly odd pre-teen with a different accent and it makes it even harder . but finley tried to make the best out of a not so great situation , after all if there was one thing that finley bauer was it was adaptable . her parents always thought she was one of the most laidback energetic kids they’d ever known . she had that seemed to last for hours on end and was open to just about anything in the world — something of which they said was a blessing and a curse because adaptable may be something finley is but trouble would have to be the word that describes her perfectly . no matter what , trouble seemed to find her and she seemed to find trouble . which may have been one reason why it wasn’t all that long before finley fell in step with the pogues like she’d been there from the beginning . south africa may always be home to finley but coston quickly became one of her favourite places in the world once she started to settle in .

not much changed throughout her teen years . she was still getting up to mischief , still exploring the world around her and most importantly , still working towards becoming a wildlife vet . not once did the promise she made to her father when she was only 6 years old waiver . it was just about the only thing she took deadly serious in her life . between studying and signing herself up for beach cleans , volunteering for N.E.S.T every year when it came to laying and hatching season , advocating for not only animal rights but human rights as well , it was any wonder that she did find time to be dragged into pogue shenanigans . but somehow she did because the pogues quickly became like a second family to her . she would do anything for any one of them .

which was why once college came around finley found it so hard to leave . she’d thought leaving south africa was hard , but leaving coston and the pogues behind for college ? she had never remembered crying so hard . all she could do was remind herself that this was what she wanted . she wanted to go to college . she wanted to study zoology so she could get into veterinary school . because without it , her dream of helping save wildlife would never come true . plus , it wasn’t like she’d never see them again . she’d only applied for a college on the main land that had an outstanding reputation in science fields , which meant her friends and mum were only a ferry ride away from her if she ever got homesick . it was almost like she’d never left .

PERSONALITY & EXTRAS

a pogue but could also cross over into kook territory if she REALLY wanted to , but this just in : she doesn’t want to . she , her mum and her mum’s boyfriend who’s been living with them for the past 6 years all live on the outskirts of town in a nice little comfortable 2 story home . the bauer family is nowhere near struggling but they’re nowhere near able to live in figure 8 .

a literal ball of energy . has a hard time keeping still . you’ll catch her leg bouncing if she sits for longer than 5 minutes but it’s fine !! give her a little prod and she’ll give you a lil sheepish smile before quitting it …… until about 3 seconds later

v bubbly v friendly . will talk to just about anyone if they don’t give off dodgy vibes . basically just a lil ray of sunshine .

one of the most laidback people you’ll meet . planning isn’t really her thing , she’s a go with the flow kinda gal !! has been caught saying , it’ll be right far too many times in her life even when things have in fact not been right in the end .

will give just about anything a go . believes that an oops is better than a what if . which is exactly why she’s gotten in trouble more times than anyone can count .

loyal to a fault !! will have the back of anyone she loves till she dies . once you have finley on your side , there’s no getting rid of her . she’d kill for the people she loved .

i say she’d kill for the people she loved …. but she really is more on the pacifistic side of things . but at the end of the day , she would fight someone if that was the only thing left to do . she’s kind up to a point . she’s friendly up to a point . she’s helpful up to a point . she’s no doormat that people can walk over .

not that one may ever think that finley bauer was a doormat . because she ? she can be loud ! she can make her opinion heard ! if she doesn’t like something , she’ll say it outright . she can have a real mouth on her .

you’d think she’d be vegan but …. no . the only thing she doesn’t eat is red meat but everything else ? she calls it her personal downfall . but she does try to keep her meat intake down to a minimum . she just has a weakness for seafood okay , no one is more sorry than her . she’ll only eat it if it’s sustainably sourced though so that’s 1 thing

wears a necklace 24/7 that has an elephant pendant that she got from her father for her 10th birthday .

has a big cats paw print ribcage tattoo on her left side ( this position but ... a paw print )

judges people on how they treat animals and how animals react to them . she will immediately distrust you if you don’t like animals .

has an australian shepherd called rafi aka rafiki  ( originally was named scout but she wasn’t having that ) when he was only 2 and she 15

wants to eventually specialise in big cats ( lions , cheetahs , etc. ) or elephants but she has MANY years to figure that out

will watch every nature / wildlife documentary in the world even though she knows they’ll make her cry like a little baby 

is fluent in afrikaans but since limited people in the world actually speak it she .... only sometimes speaks it with her family  

has a south african accent ( example )

CONNECTIONS

to keep this from being any longer , you can find my wanted connections page here & my wanted connections tag here !!

alrighty , that’s it !! if you made it all the way through that ... you’re a real one bc PHEW it got long . i cannot wait to get to plotting with you all so pls , if anything catches your eye and you wanna plot ? just hit that lil heart & i’ll come crawling otherwise just slide on into my dms on here or on discord ( which i kind prefer if we’re being honest here ) !!

[gorderos-blog]

Pay to Not Go to College!

    Yes, you read that title right! For a small combined fee of roughly $12,900, you can receive a PhD in your desired field of study with supporting documentation, a thesis you didn't have to write yourself, traditional graduation attire, legal notarization, and a half dozen lies regarding your accomplishments within your university! You even get to pick your own grade! Who knew the answer to our higher education needs was a website that only charges a nominal fee for you to not have to waste those precious years of your life AND not land your dream job afterward?     I've been putting this coverage off for way too long. One day at work, out of curiosity, I decided to search around the ol' interwebs and see if I could find a service dedicated to providing individuals with college degrees. It wasn't a hard search. There are several of these services as it turns out, but I'm going to be focusing on one today for the sake of this not dragging on any longer than necessary. I'm still learning about the dos and do nots when it comes to journalism of this nature, so in an effort not to get sued, I'm going to refrain from giving out the name of the website. Obviously I don't want to advertise this service and be responsible for innocent or curious people losing their money. I also don't want to land myself in any sort of legal trouble for name dropping and getting slapped with some sort of law suit. I will, however, be sharing screenshots where applicable, so don't you worry!     The biggest surprise without even looking at the degree ordering process is that the website is designed fairly well. It's inviting and pleasing to the eye with its mixture of blues and grays. Then we look at the text and realize that someone's trying to sucker us out of a lot of money.

    From what I hear, though, programming a website is hard and spaces between the end of a word and a comma are pretty easy mistakes to let slip through the cracks , so let's give them the benefit of the doubt.     The website has a bunch of sections on it and I intend to share the fun bits of it later, but I know what you're here for. You want your PhD in Chemistry or Biology, or maybe you need a Master's in Engineering or Dance. Don't worry, fam, I'm going to hook you up at least with a price point so you can start saving up. I'm going for the PhD in Creative Writing myself.     Unsurprisingly, the first few things it asks you for is boring information like your name, birth date, and title. Then it goes ahead and boldly asks for a scanned copy of either your government I.D./Driver's License or Passport. Then email address, blah blah blah, phone number, alright, onto the next section, and this is where the fun begins.

    As you can see, my PhD in Creative Writing will be issued to me, Mr. Blogger Dude for the year of 2018, graduated in the season of summer. I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who got me to this point. Good job, me. And look at that, only $490, how convenient! You also have the option to select if you were studying full time, part time, at a distance, online, or in a combination of those!     It's going past this point that you realize this ordering process has zero chill. Before you've even completely decided on all the additional things you want to pay for that you're probably never going to be able to use, this section comes careening up at you:

    Why yes, strange website, I would love to give you my credit card information and my billing address. I can't possibly see how this could go wrong in any way, shape, or form. I don't actually have a credit card, at least not with the kind of limit we're going to be seeing, so I suppose this is the end of my college degree journey. If only I had thousands of dollars just laying around in the bank. Darn, oh well.

    Following that is the section entitled

Transcripts & Degree Related Items

, a series of boxes you can put a check next to if you decide the item in question is something you'll want, and this is how it goes:

Academic Transcripts - $200 (Can select quantity)

Sealed Transcripts - $200 (Can select quantity)

Student Records - $200

Acceptance Letter - $120

Graduation Letter - $120

Reference Letter (Up to three) - $200/reference letter

Letter of Appreciation - $120 (Have the university lie about things you did for them)

Internship Letter from Company - $250 (Nobody follows up with these anyway, right?)

Internship Letter from University - $250

Write Your Own Thesis - $1,500 (At least you tried)

Have Someone Else Write Your Thesis - $4,500 (You did not try)

University Diploma Folder - $135

Graduation Hood - $150

Graduation Cap - $150

Graduation Gown/Robe - $550

Certified Copies of University Degree - $200 (Can select quantity)

Lawyer Certification and Legalization - $450

Government Apostille - $800 (I had to look up what that meant, this is what I found: "Apostilles authenticate the seals and signatures of officials on public documents such as birth certificates, court orders, or any other document issued by a public authority so that they can be recognized in foreign countries that are members of the 1961 Hague Convention Treaty.")

Embassy Legalization - $2050 (Looked this one up as well: "Embassy / Consulate Legalization. ... Documents certified by the State and destined for countries who are not members of the Hague Apostille Convention require State certification, U.S. Department of State certification, and Embassy or Consulate legalization.")

Student I.D. Card - $250 (I had to look... just kidding)

University Alumni Card - $250

University Library Card - $250

Student Union Card/Student Association Card

    After we've picked out all of the things we need, the last thing we have to do is pick our shipping options. Standard shipping is free and usually ships within five business days, but I'm impatient and can't afford to wait that long. I mean, I am buying a fake degree online rather than earning a real one... online. Or on a campus, but who does that anymore? Express shipping it is! It's only an additional $135 on top of the ten grand, nothing too outrageous. As for our shipping method, we have two choices: Express Air Mail, or DHL/FedEx for ground. Planes can crash and burn and lose all of my documentation, so I think I'll play it safe and go FedEx for only $130. Express Air Mail is a little cheaper at $95, but an extra $35 for peace of mind never hurt anybody.

    The website then proceeds to ask how we heard about them. It was pretty easy for me: Google. I assume it'll be the same for you. As an aside, there's also an option for Yahoo for the one person out there still using it. Next we input any special instructions we may have.

      I probably should have added please, but this is a business transaction after all.     Then we subsequently fuck ourselves over by not reading the terms of service before accepting them, make sure our total is correct, and submit our order!

     Looks right to me.

    I love that you can adjust the amount with the small arrows beside the total amount. I left them a tip.     It's at this point that I would submit the order, wait about a week, and show the finished product. Shocking as it may seem, though, I do not have $12,905 to give them. Such a tease, I know. Now I could save myself $3,000 by writing my own thesis, but we mustn't forget that I'm a busy adult man who cannot spare the time to college, so I definitely wouldn't have the time to write a brilliant thesis. One day I'll have a money. One day.     Something that should be noted is that there is no indication on the website as to which university will be giving you your degree, but their section on Full Privacy and Satisfaction serves to definitively quell those voices in your mind that want to call BS.     "When you choose a bachelor degree  from us and you make the payment, you will receive an accredited degree from a reputable university. The degrees are legal and verifiable; nobody will know our little secret that you obtained your degree online.     We do not disclose information about yourself to third parties and we keep private the name of the universities from which we confer degrees.     You will not know the name of the university until you receive the degree. We believe confidentiality is essential in our business and we encourage you to keep it secret that you obtained the degree online in exchange of a fee.     When you choose  degree online course we accept payments and shipment from all over the world, because we are affiliated with universities in every country.     We have bachelor degree online course waiting for you to attend them. You will be enrolled in the online program and you will get the degree in a week from the moment you made the order. We are strict with deadlines and we fulfill all your requirements.     We believe that the satisfaction of the clients is essential in our business and this is why we want to offer you joy so you will come back for more.       If you choose a degree  course from us you will get many job offers and promotions, so you will be happy you have chosen us."     Peace of mind and assurance are wonderful things.     There are a few other interesting tidbits on the website such as generic images of individuals of Asian descent posing in awkward ways, a live chat functionality that I may play with in my own spare time, degree options from multiple contents such as North America, South America, Africa, Asia, Eastern Europe, Western Europe, and my personal favorite, the Middle East. There's a coaching section of how to find a job after you've received your degree that is a rehash of every search you've ever done on how to do well in an interview.     "You have to tell the interviewer about your degrees, knowledge, skills, and vast experience in the field. You should convince the employer that your knowledge and experience will benefit the company and that you have solutions for the existing problems of the company in order to help the company achieve its goals.     Choose the domains of activity at which you are the best and to impress the employers with your expertise, skills and knowledge in their field of activity.     Companies have job openings because they have a hole in the functioning of their business and you have to fill the hole. You should be the perfect solution to their needs and you should be able to sell your skills during the interview in order to persuade them you will find solutions to the problems of the company. The best way to find a job is to prove that you have a degree from an accredited university because employers look for persons with plenty of knowledge in their field of activity.     Use nonverbal communication during interviews. Use your emotional intelligence in order to pass over emotions and use your body language to show you are attentive, confident and competent for the job. You should maintain eye contact and smile often. A sincere smile makes the interviewer believe that you are comfortable and that you are a sociable and friendly person.  Be communicative during interviews if you want to get the attention of the interviewers and persuade him or her to offer you the job.     Create a good CV and resume speaking about the experience, education, skills and certifications you have. You should write a resume in which to write about what recommends you for the job. You should write a story about yourself that proves your skills and knowledge in the field of activity of the company.     Prove passion for the field of activity in which you want to work. Prove that you have a specific interest in the company and a passion in what you do. .     Consider an interview as a sales presentation in which you have to present your strengths, hide your weaknesses in order to attract the interviewer and get the job."     It's actually so nice they had to say it twice in another area of the website, and there's this little gem that DEFINITELY puts any apprehensions, hesitations, or mental protestations to rest!

   I, for one, am very glad that no one shall be able to see my payment information, as they will face consequences under provision of law. What law? Law. THE law. You can learn all about it once you obtain your own law degree from the website.       I suppose I should throw in a quick disclaimer here for the two people who may be willing to go out and try this for themselves: Don't. College degrees are serious business, and I'm pretty sure this is illegal in some way, shape, or form. Don't go around giving shady websites your credit card information, and look into legitimate options when it comes to pursuing a higher education.     All of that being said, thank you for taking this journey with me. It had its ups and downs, but I am definitely excited to be Dr. Mr. Blogger Dude, Creative Writing expert.     Thank you.

[harleywords]

Arachnoids: The Rise

Genre - Sci-Fi

Word count:  2923

Long before we were human, we lived in the heavens.

This is why we worship the sky.

We are unknowingly trained from birth to fight in order to regain what was once our home. Violence and death come naturally to us to prepare us for the great war.

Soon there will be an end to our running, and those we escaped in the days of old will discover our new land and come down to claim it, as they claimed so many of our old ways. However, we have evolved into a new breed, one that is more suited to match our oppressors, one that is ruthless against their kind.

From the first day our Ancestors landed on this planet, they instilled a fear into Man; these creatures they created from generation to generation, the result of breeding the Old Ones and the Tree People, uncontrollably loath the descendants of the One who followed us. Each day is a battle with the One, and each day we kill its children in the way They killed us.

We are bigger now, stronger, have tougher skins and an indescribable knowledge of how to fight Them.

They are coming.

We are ready.

And those blessed with The Memory will lead us to victory.

I am one such being, and this is my warning to humanity; prepare to face the Fathers of spiders. They cannot claim our Earth if we stand together to--

“What the shit, dude?” Mariam stared at me as if I were a lunatic.

“Non-believer, the time is nigh. We must prepare! I have the sight, and it is a grim future we face--” I continued.

“You can not be serious.” Stanford scoffed. “I knew you were a tad bent, but this is just nuts.”

“Then how do you explain this?” I drew the TV guide out from behind me and opened it to reveal the crushed corpse of a descendant of Them.

“That is a spider. It’s gross, but also dead. Which makes it grosser.” Stanford adjusted his thick glasses.

“Ew, get that thing away!” Mariam swatted the TV guide out of my hand.

“See, now why are we so afraid of these tiny things?” I attempted to explain. “There is no logical reason to have such a strong desire to kill these small, insignificant creatures. The harmless ones, anyway… which also brings up the question; why are there so many breeds that are so deadly to us?”

“Because that’s just how it is, doofus.” Stanford was smart for a nine year old, the smartest in our grade, but sometimes his explanations were a little half-baked. “Maybe it’s a defense mechanism, because so many are so poisonous. You know those butterflies? The ones that look like Monarchs but are not? Birds don’t eat them, you know why? Because the monarch is poisonous to them, so they stay away from anything that looks like them.”

“Why would a creature like a ‘harmless’ spider disguise itself as something we have an undeniable urge to kill?” I contested.

“You know, I ain’t that afraid of spiders. What’s the big deal, really?” Stanford picked up the TV guide and studied the crushed arachnid that was spread between two pages. I gasped. Stanford, my friend of so many years, a sympathiser? When our people landed on this planet and formed the better race, the One who followed went into hiding. However, as mankind as we know it was being constructed and perfected, the One gathered disciples of the new human order and filled them with lies of peace and prosperity under the eight hands that propelled him. It is their descendants that do not fear the spider, that keep them as pets who whisper deceit into their weak minds as they sleep. They are the ones to watch out for, for when the great battle arises, who knows where their loyalty will lie? They are spies, even now, and I’ve revealed to one of them that I am a keeper of The Memory. “Get out.” I stood and pointed to the basement stairs. “Leave my home.”

“What are you--” Mariam was confused and saddened. Her chubby face frowned with concern, her thick frizzy hair shifting with the expression, as if it were alive. It broke my heart a little, but such is the way of a keeper. I must keep The Memory safe, so that I may spread my warnings of the battle to come.

“Leave. You are not welcome in my basement, my den. You are not welcome near my family. I never want to see you again.”

“You. Are. Crazy.” Stanford stood. “Let’s go, Mari.” He tossed the TV guide at my feet and stomped up the stairs. Mariam tearfully followed him.

“I hope you… I don’t know, get help or something.” She spoke softly.

“That depends… on the human race.” These were the last words we said to each other, except that one time in high school when I accidentally spilled milk on her dress. I never brought milk to school again after that day. I also have not spoken of the sight, The Memory, or Them to anyone since that time in the basement. It’s been 20 years, and I continue to guard my knowledge. I also continue to reside in my mother’s basement. And I kill spiders with a ruthlessness only a keeper could hold.

I regret to add, that my time to share the Word is now. The battle is coming, and the keepers must divulge their wisdom to the public. The spiders are growing restless.

As am I.

It was August of the year 2014, roughly 200,000 years since our ancestors landed in Africa according to The Memory. I was 4 months away from my 30th birthday, where I had planned to announce the war that was to come. It was the perfect scenario; a room full of people, me being the center of attention. They’d have to listen. They’d finally understand what I understood. I would share The Memory I had protected all of these years for the first time since ‘93. The visions started around ‘89. I was five years old, and my sleep was riddled with nightmares of the past. Our escape was successful for a handful of us, but as we rocketed toward Earth the One who followed trailed behind, unbeknownst to us. The One was injured, but tenacious. We landed on our new home and met the Tree People. Many struck up romances with this primitive species, and thus Humanity was born. It was all very graphic imagery for a five year old, but the worst of it was the knowledge of how We were massacred by Them, our lands ravished far more mercilessly than the bodies of the Tree People.

One day I awoke from such a dream in a cold sweat. I had been crying. On my window ledge I saw one. It stared at me, a glowing strand of web attached to it flowing in the night breeze. Paralyzed by fear I stared back, my mind blank. “The time is soon.” It whispered to me. “Join us in our uprising.” It was trying to make me a sympathizer. I punched it, smashing it against my window. My knuckles bled. As I stared at the mix of carcass and blood on my already swelling knuckles, a flash of The Memory came to me; the One who followed resided in its cave in the hillsides near Our budding civilization on Earth. The One drew the Tree People toward it and whispered to them as this loathsome creature whispered to me, and the first sympathizers were formed. They passed down their tolerance of The One to their offspring, and thus the Sympathizers lived among us.

“It’s hard carrying this burden.” I tried to explain. “Your childhood stripped away, the weight of this responsibility bearing down on your shoulders…”

“You still have to take out the trash, dear.” My mother said. And so, at the too-young age of seven, I had to carry the Memory and still take out the trash. It was a trying time.

But after the incident of ‘93 where I let go of the idea of both having friends and being a Keeper of The Memory, I no longer shared the wisdom bestowed onto me. My family thought it was a phase I at last had outgrown, but in secret I still carried The Memory. I felt very alone.

As I aged it became more bearable. I never spoke to fellow students unless absolutely necessary, but I had friends in The Memory. They could not hear or interact with me, for their stories had already come and gone, but I could see them. There was one romance between a third generation Human and a thoroughbred Ancestor that I found especially compelling. The two bridged a gap between a divide that was beginning between our Ancestors and the sickly results of breeding with the Tree People, but it ultimately ended in tragedy for the lovers. Their legacy was the uniting of our kind so that we may better fight against the uprising to come.

I went to college for a year when I was 19, but it wasn’t for me. I returned to my mother’s basement without a word as to why I left. While neglecting my studies was a deciding factor in my withdrawal, Stacey was a larger reason. I was hopelessly not in love with her. I loved her body, though. Being a Keeper of The Memory I rarely allowed myself physical contact, but she saw something in me and after a while of insisting I finally let her in, and vice versa. It was lovely while it lasted, but there was no emotional connection and she became obsessed with breaking me out of my shell. She began asking too many questions, and I felt threatened. She was getting close to prying The Memory out of me, and I couldn’t trust her. I was only safe in my mother’s basement.

With the increasing popularity of the World Wide Web (an unfortunate title), I began my search for others with the Memory. I tried Googling “The Memory”, “Keeper”, “The One Who Followed”, and other such terminology, to no avail. I scoured arachnophobia message boards, but I never found others with The Memory.

In the summer of 2008 I received a clear message in a dream; They are coming. The One is stirring. It has contacted Them, and They know where We have been hiding. It will take Them six short years to arrive. Spread the Word, share The Memory. They are coming.

I was crippled by fear. For two years I hid, and although I would no longer have to bear the burden of the memory alone, I continued to do so out of fear of what was to come. I finally emerged from my Mother’s basement after her ultimatum and spent the next three years ignoring The Memory. I turned to Earthly pleasures to numb myself, and after a frightening experience during a monstrous binge I came here. After just one meeting I gained the courage to spread the Word, and that is why I stand before you today, at my second meeting, one week clean. I will take my chip now. Thank you.

I feel good about this. I have told a circle of people of The Memory, and although they made me leave I can find comfort in knowing that they listened. They have been warned. And in four months I will do the same at my birthday party.

After two months of wandering around the city meeting people and inviting them to my birthday party, I found myself on a park bench alone, save for our Ancestors in The Memory. I heard my name and looked up to see a sweet chubby face in a straw hat which blocked out the sun. It was hard to make out the backlit details, but I could see that her bright red lipstick made her small mouth glow, and her frizzy mass of brown hair outline her fair skin.

“Hello, Mariam.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“Hello, stranger.” She smiled. “How are you?”

“I’m having a birthday,” I told her. We talked for hours, and I made no mention of The Memory. She agreed to come to my party. Her blue polkadot dress contrasted my grey sweatpants/T-shirt combo, but I did not feel out of place. She made me feel completely at ease. I didn’t realize how deeply I missed her.

We met the next day at a bar, which in hindsight probably wasn’t the best place for me to suggest. I drank water, I didn’t need the stuff I once sought comfort in when Mari was with me. She told me about her husband and the beautiful wedding they had five years ago. I told her I wished I had been there, but that was a lie.

We spent many days together, and I felt nine years old again. She told me that Stanford was a professor of biology, and I hated the thought of him spreading the lies of the One in a school setting. My time to spread the Word was fast approaching though, with over 300 estimated guests. Mari was excited for the party. We made love the night before my 30th birthday. It was better than with Stacey.

Many guests were fashionably late. Twelve people awkwardly socialized in my mother’s basement. Mari and her husband entered as I was setting up my karaoke machine whose microphone I would be using to spread The Word.

“Long before we were human, we lived in the heavens,” I began.

“Oh no,” Mari audibly gasped.

I spoke the Word, a perfectly memorized spiel. Mari sent her husband away, and I felt I was getting through to her. She was falling in love with me.

People began leaving. Perhaps to spread the word themselves?

“I am one such being, and this is my warning to humanity; prepare to face the Fathers of spiders. They cannot claim our Earth if we stand together to--”

Mari joined me at my microphone and placed her hand on it before I could finish.

“You need help.” She whispered kindly.

“Yes.” I spoke to her, and then turned to my audience. “That is my plea to you, the people of Earth. To help me spread the w--,”

“There’s no one here, dearest.” She kissed my hand which held the microphone and took it from me, setting it on the karaoke machine. Then she took both of my hands in hers, and I thought about either kissing her or crying.

I cried.

“Oh, darling.” She squeezed my hands as her husband came down the stairs with several strange men. I could see in their eyes they had an affinity for Them. Although they stood on two legs, they had six others invisible to the eye. I fought as they tried to take me, but after a moment, with my deed done, I accepted death. All of the people that came to my party were out spreading the Word right now. I had done it. I shared the Memory. I--

I’m doing much better now. The medication is keeping me grounded. My therapist says I am making great strides.

My mother visited me. She said the facility was beautiful, and I was lucky to be here.

I no longer heard the whispers of spiders. Perhaps they are scared.

I’m sorry, that was a reflex. I’m thinking clearly now, for the first time since I was five. I know more often what is real and what is my mind, though I admittedly get confused sometimes.

“I’m so glad,” Mari spoke softly.

“I missed you.” I sighed. “I’m sorry I wasted so much of our lives together--” I halted. Was this real? This idea of us? Or was I building a narrative, a love story that never was?

She kissed me on the forehead. “It’s okay. We can start now.” Her wedding ring was gone, with a glowing tan line where it once was. This was real.

I smiled. My time at this place will be good for me, and when I’m back on my feet Mariam and I will be married.

Long after visiting hours I sat by my window, contemplating my journey here. I spent my whole life fearing spiders with a ferocity most could not fathom. I feared them so much I fabricated this history that haunted me daily. When did my childhood fantasies become real to me? I laughed as I thought of the elaborate story I weaved so intensely. A spider dropped down in front of me, dangling on its web, and I jumped instinctively. A smile crept onto my face as I studied the creature. It truly was remarkable.

With the help of these skilled doctors I was more easily distinguishing reality and fantasy, and my paranoia had subsided. I was sleeping better, my dreams no longer filled with delusions of The Memory. Sleep, something once dreaded, was now an enjoyable time. Happy, at peace, I slid into my bed and thought of Mariam as I drifted into a deep sleep.

So deep, that I missed the brilliant flash of green light outside my window, the fiery streaks of descending space crafts, and the humans shrieking as large masses dropped from the heavens, unfurling their eight spiny legs and scattering throughout the Earth we had successfully hidden on for so long.

[drx3-imagines]

Hey can I have a fluffy one-shot where Izaya takes his S/O star gazing mid-winter, far away from the city? (Summer heat is killing me and I wanna get my mind off it! Also, I really love this blog so much!!)

Heeeeeeeeere you go, four pages of tooth-rotting fluff! I’m so happy you like this blog, thanks for requesting! And I totally get ya, I hate warm weather (and the bugs it brings x/ )

“Iza-chan~! Thank you so much for this!” Your cheery voice could be heard all throughout the apartment as you grabbed the large duffel bag the two of you had packed together for the trip.

Izaya got the idea from Shinra’s vacation with Celty the summer before but since neither of you were partial to the heat, you decided to go a little further north to a cabin in the mountains that Shinra’s father owned. After the struggle to convince your dorky doctor friend to let the two of you use it, you knew it just had to be worth it.

As the two of you stuck a cooler and the aforementioned duffel into the back seat of your car you swatted away the June beetle buzzing past your head. That was another thing you were looking forward to; no bugs flying around in the chilly air of the mountains. Unfortunately, you had missed and the damn thing kept swarming you, taunting like the winged bastard it was. Thankfully, your boyfriend’s unusual skill set came in handy at the best of times as a small switchblade whipped past your head, successfully pinning the now dead beetle to a lamp post. “Thanks, hun,” you flashed him a smile before slipping into the driver’s side of the car and waiting for him to join you.

“I cannot believe that the same ____ that beats up gangsters for fun is also easily defeated by a little beetle. That’s sad, even for you,” you hadn’t even started driving yet and he was already antagonizing you; what a great sign for the future that was, huh?

Much to your chagrin, the prospective trip had put him in a good enough mood that the entire ride was filled with his teasing. One of the most noticeably obnoxious moments was when he decided to lean on his elbow on top of the armrest and consistently poke you arm, repeating “bug-a-boo” in childlike tone solely for the purpose of annoying you. It would have been cute had it not been going on for five consecutive hours now, finally reaching into the darkness of the night. Eventually, with the fading lights of the city having disappeared in the distance hours prior, the lack of sleep was finally allowed to catch up with the poor info-broker. As much as this trip was for the two of you spend time together, Izaya also needed some time from work and the late, late hours he spent out and about. That’s why it didn’t surprise you all that much when his head which rested gently against your arm began to slur out quiet murmurs in his sleep, breathing evening out gradually.

It wasn’t long after that that he was shaken awake by the loud clatter of gravel under your tires; you had tried to drive as gently as possible and let him sleep but your efforts were to no avail. Izaya didn’t seem to mind much though, one eye slitting open to look around at the mountain road you traveled on in the rising light of dawn. Had you really been driving all night? He was grateful for the rest but you could have asked him to take over for you.

You glanced over at his groggy form, smiling at the way he tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. You waited for him to sit up and make an attempt at stretching before you finally spoke, “Morning, Izaya, sleep well?” You saw him nod in your periphery, a noncommittal grunt escaping him, “We’ll be there in about three more hours, it’s only,” you took a second to check the clock inset into the dashboard, “five in the morning as of now.” Another nod and then you heard the rustle of cloth as he slumped back against the seat and yawned.

“I can drive, you know?” He sounded pouty, almost as if he were offended that you didn’t trust his driving. You did, honestly, but you hadn’t really felt the need, liking the feeling of being behind the wheel.

“I know.” You smiled at him and adjusted the visor in front of you to block the rising sun, “Besides, you looked like you needed it.” Though you couldn’t see it, Izaya’s brows furrowed; had he really been that obvious? Yes, work had been overbearing as it always was, but he liked to seem in control like he was untouchable even though he was very, very human. He liked to keep you from worrying about him, if not for his sake than your own. He had no intention of receiving the sentiments and affections of the humans he was bent on loving but somehow you still managed to dodge all of his eccentric, half-baked arguments and dive right into the nitty gritty everything that made him who he was.

For that, he was grateful, but over time he had noticed you would skip treating yourself in favor of helping him. That was yet another reason for this trip; you needed to have some fun and a little time to relax. Both things he was very intent on giving you after you pulled up into the driveway of the cabin (honestly, it was just more noisy gravel) and pulled out your bag and cooler. The next hour and a half was spent sorting clothes into drawers and shoving food and drinks into the fridge. That was then proceeded by Izaya tossing you onto the large bed, forcefully wrapping you up in the soft, pine-scented quilt, and laying on top you; he happily cuddled your blanket burrito evolution form until you argued that you needed a shower. Still, he persisted, kissing you into submission and lying there with you for another hour. Eventually, he unwrapped you, your head resting against his chest as you cuddled into his side, silently observing his unusually relaxed smile. He looked more peaceful than you had ever seen him before and you found yourself completely enamored.

You, unfortunately, had to ruin the moment with a drowsy groan, teetering on the edge of falling asleep. “Iza, we need showers,” you immediately were returned with an opposing grunt, your head resting on his outstretched bicep and his other arm draped over his eyes to shield them from the light peering through the window beside you. “Izaya, come ooooooooon~! We’re still gross from sweating in the heat yesterday, I need to be clean!” Without a moment’s hesitation, he rolled over and licked a slimy, wet stripe across your cheek.

“There, clean,” and then he returned to his earlier position, cracking a wide smirk at your indignified screech. You launched out of bed before his arms could catch you and strutted over to the bathroom door, “I was thinking of showering together but nevermind you damn turd,” you stuck your tongue out, childish as it may have been, and locked the bathroom door behind you. You knew he could have easily popped the lock if he really wanted to but he instead opted out in favor or resting on the soft mattress and waiting for you to return. Admittedly, you were right about the gross feeling yesterday’s heat wave gave you, but now you were victims to the sweet chill of the northern air.

His eyes opened at the sound of you waltzing out of the bathroom and getting dressed a few feet from the bed, not that he hadn’t seen you naked many, many times before. You turned back to look at him, nodding in the direction of the bathroom where steam continued to roll out of the doorway. Izaya placed a kiss on your cheek, slipping inside and shutting the door behind him. That was more or less the entirety of your day; settling in, minor cleanup, showers, and making some very late lunch.

It wasn’t long before the two of you found yourselves sitting outside wrapped up in the quilt from your bed on a two-seat bench swing looking at the setting sun. Your head rested on his shoulder, Izaya’s arm around your waist. Tired as you were, not having slept since yesterday morning, you were determined to stay awake long enough to see the unpolluted sky fill up with stars. Izaya knew you were trying and that you would damn well succeed even if only for a short time.

Honestly, you were on the verge of weeping in silent appreciation as the midnight darkness crept closer and stars began to dance around the moon, illuminating the sky. Surprisingly, you came to find out that Izaya knew a bit about astronomy. He pointed out the few constellations he remembered from college, eventually naming new ones after the two of you and your friends. You smiled, his voice died down to a whisper as silence and the stillness of the world surrounded you, his arms holding you tighter as the air dipped further down into colder temperatures.

“____, it’s getting cold, let’s go back ins…. ide,” he looked down, staring at your sleeping form curled against his side, soft snores slipping past your lips and the occasional mumble of his name accompanying your gentle smile. He relaxed deeper into the blanket, holding you closer and resting his head against yours. Soon he found himself drifting off, joining you in a peaceful sleep.

- Pasya

[alltheworldsrpg-blog]

WELCOME TO ROSWELL, TWYLA PORTER!!

ADMIN CAMERON: From the first few lines of your application, it’s more than clear that Twyla belongs in the Roswell of the future. Her character is so unique and quirky, yet fleshed out in full, from her head-cannons to her pinterest board, everything just clicks in to place. Cassopia’s Midnight Fortunes is sure to have some interesting clientele. 

You’ve been accepted as THE QUARK with the faceclaim of EMILY BROWNING. Please follow all rules and regulations as laid out by the Roswell Town Council, especially concerning any non pre-approved biologic. All UFO’s outside of city limits must be stickered or will be towed. Enjoy your stay in the first city of extraterrestrials.

OUT OF CHARACTER.

NAME/ALIAS + PRONOUNS:

Jen?? ?? ? she/her

AGE:

21 wtf

TIMEZONE + ACTIVITY:

CST / I don’t know what’s going on with my employment situation for the summer but tbh I should still be on every day to do quick responses if nothing else. And of course, I don’t have any problem with letting the admins know how my life is going and if I’ll need a hiatus or anything. But thus far, nothing in the foreseeable future should really hinder my activity here.

TRIGGERS:

Removed for privacy.

ANYTHING ELSE?:

http://68.media.tumblr.com/281face9136d443e7e19728e2d98ccab/tumblr_ojvplj6pNP1vh1qxzo1_400.png

IN CHARACTER.

SKELETON TITLE:

The Quark

FULL NAME:

Twyla Cassiopeia Porter

GENDER + PRONOUNS:

Female, she/her

SEXUAL + ROMANTIC ORIENTATION:

greyromantic pansexual

DATE OF BIRTH + AGE:

January 14th 2034, twenty six years old (right? im terrible at math)

OCCUPATION:

Waitress. She’s not the hardest worker at the 24 diner in town, in fact she’d be hard pressed to work more than two days a week, but she likes the steady hours and the comfort of the place. Being able to work the third shift right after spending a few hours at her own shop gets her out of her own head. She doesn’t mind pouring coffee and making mindless chatter with the other people who find themselves up that early. There’s something about being there and having a focused job to do that soothes her, and she’s always looking for the next excuse to not have to go to sleep. Although she has a hard time giving up her daytime freedom, after some time she’s come to find a schedule that works for her, and endless coffee.

Fortune teller. Always lies. She thought this would be the best way to disguise the fact that she was in touch with the future. With all the starweavers in Roswell she’s fairly confident that no one would actually come to a boring old human for the future, and she’s also very careful to keep the truth that she’s seen from the people who do come to her. People don’t usually pay for their real fortunes anyways, they usually want to hear very pretty lies, which she’s fine with delivering for a few dollars.Of course this has the possibility of upsetting a few of the starweavers and those who believe, but at least she’ll be blamed for the complete opposite of what she really is.

FACECLAIM:

Emily Browning

BIOGRAPHY:

You were born with stars in your eyes, darling girl. Your father, an astronomer at the Very Large Array, taught you to keep your chin up and  always keep an eye out for those less fortunate. He wanted to help those coming to your planet, every night he looked for signs of more weary travellers. And every day he helped your mother organize paperwork as she went to court, trying to fight the injustices that were befalling other species as they tried to make homes here. Calling your life sheltered isn’t quite right- you never lack for information, you’re never ignorant to the problems of the world, but you see it all through rose tinted glass. Every problem can be solved with the right amount of courage, wit, and luck; every question you have can be answered with enough time.

Except for those visions. The ones that rumble in like thunderstorms and startle you in the middle of the night; they leave you sweating and breathless, crying for your parents. They take you to all kinds of specialists, trying to find out what could be causing such vivid dreams, what on earth could be waking you up in the night in cold sweats. They do sleep studies, MRIs, CT scans, they run every test imaginable and find no reason why your night terrors should leave you screaming for help. Maybe it’s puberty, maybe it will go away with age, there’s no telling what the next thing to unfold. After months of hoping, they don’t go away. They get worse, rooms that you swear you’ve seen before, people who are too familiar to be strangers, jokes you know the punchline to. You don’t know when you decided it was the future that you were seeing, but somewhere along the way deja vu just kept knocking you in the stomach.

Which is not something that you tell your parents. Instead you swear that the nightmares have gone away, that you’re so sure that you’ve gotten better. With nothing to show for, they have no choice but to believe that their little girl was just the victim of some anomaly that’s left her. They did have their own lives to focus on anyways. And really, it starts to matter less to you. Your vision are of strangers talking in allies, people dancing at night without any regard. Sometimes there’s violence, but you’re too young to do anything and too scared to call a police department. You can’t even be sure there’s something you could have done. The news reports are so definitive as you scan them, print them, store them away. Nothing would have changed what happened, let alone a growing girl with wide eyes and a father who tells her silly stories.

Despite this one secret that pulls at the corner of your every thought, you grow up in a completely normal life. There’s nothing picturesque about your hometown, but it’s safe enough for you to ride bikes with friends and avoid any kind of trouble. Almost any kind of trouble- but really you come out unscathed, the kind of sweet and gentle daughter only your loving parents could have raised. There’s nothing holding you back in this world, least of all college. The University of New Mexico greets you with open arms, promises of a degree in astrophysics and courses in pre-law. Your visions don’t push you there so much as your parents, hoping for someone to follow in their footsteps, continue to fight the battle for those unheard. And you’re genuinely happy with the possibility it could be you. There seems to be no other way that your life could go, if you really thought about it. You were supposed to listen to their words, follow their examples, continue the path that they left behind. There was never going to be peace in this world unless you were there to see it through.

And yet you were always just a little distracted in classes, needed an extra cup of coffee to make it through lectures. Joked with yourself that your visions should have shown you test answers not the next extraterrestrial announcement. Something didn’t sit right with you about the experience, but you weren’t about to go back on the promise that you made your parents. You keep your chin up and your eyes out for those less fortunate, and you’re set to graduate on the honor roll. Invitations to humanitarian work, law schools, and lobbying firms pour in, your life extends in front of you in a constellation of different patterns, each one shining more than the next. None of them fit perfectly in your heart, but your mother tells you over the phone that they don’t need to, you’ll grow into the career that you choose. That no one is happy at twenty four, but you will be.

TW CAR ACCIDENT

And then you have the vision. Glass shatters in front of you, metal crunches in your ears. Somewhere you smell smoke, and there’s the taste of blood in your mouth. You’ve experienced car accidents before, but never like this. This is quick and turbulent, sparks fly as the car skids across the street, this is fatal. And then you see your father’s glasses fly and your blood runs cold, it freezes in your veins, threatens to stop your heart. You know who’s in the car, you know just where it’s heading, and you know, as dread pulls the air from your lungs, that it’s not going to reach its destination. The first thing you do when you wake is call your mother, your voice is hoarse from the screaming you must have done, tears uncontrollable as you tell her that they cannot come for your graduation, that you refuse to let them drive. She doesn’t understand that you’ve seen the future, that you’re trying to save her life; she puts on her best mother voice and tells you that it’s only a nightmare like when you were a little girl, that all you need is a cup of warm milk and they’ll be there in the morning.

You can’t let it happen. You get into your own beat up station wagon and fly into the night, for the first time in your life taking action, doing something about what you see. Your parents had the same idea- jumping into action to calm their only daughter. Maybe you were always meant to be the first person to arrive at the scene of their accident, the one to call the cops and tell them that there’d been a head on collision in the middle of the night. Maybe if you had never called in the first place they would have still been in bed sleeping. Maybe there was nothing you could have done; they were always going to end up as the tragic victims of an accident that no one  could have seen coming. And just maybe, this is all your fault.

It would seem for someone trying so hard to stay away from politics, Roswell would be the last place for you to go, but you’ve never been one for subtlety. You’ve resigned yourself to a life on the fringes, one as far away from the memory of your parents, and one that doesn’t require other people to help. It takes some time to adjust to the life you've created for yourself, every time you overthink things, they just get more confusing and convoluted, you create a life that could only suit a girl hiding from the future. After all, what good has it ever done you.

MUSING + HEAD-CANONS.

HEAD-CANONS:

LENGTHY HCS:

I. Cassiopeia's Midnight Fortunes shines bright pink and neon, the glow tinting the sidewalk and surrounding storefronts. Starlights twinkle around the door, luring in unsuspecting guests, the odd recurring customer, and those foolish enough to believe they’re going to actually hear their future from the woman inside. Most people stay away from shops like these, unsure they want to know what she has to say- if there is anything to say. Painted on the window is the phrase “i love to doubt, as well as know” which is perfectly vague enough to keep customers intrigued, the choice seems deliberate but only the fortune teller herself knows that she picked it on a whim, the subtitle to a shop she never believed would work in the first place. If one was to step foot in the shop they would find it to be just as cliche as suspected, every inch done up to meet expectations- which is only a red flag for those searching for a reason to doubt. And even though they all should, she sits at the table, a soft smile on her face and says “You’ll live a long and happy life”, “You’ll have just as much money as you need to stay satisfied”, “You’ll never want for love in this life”. She never gives specifics, always asks if you have a pet, and tells you to come again as you walk out, smelling like sage and unsure of what just happened.  

II. An alarm goes off at noon, telling her not to sleep the entire day away. Just because she has a nocturnal occupation, that doesn’t mean that she has to resort to the live of a night owl. No, during the day is when life happens- she gets to walk among people, she gets to watch all the people who would normally only be a dream. Calling her an investigator would be too much credit, she just happens to end up in the same location as some of the most interesting events of a day. Should she stumble across her dreams well then she’s just a lucky girl, serendipity as her middle name. A wildlife photographer in her urban setting, keeping an eye on all the people; a witness to the crimes of everyday life, collecting everyone’s secrets with a tight lipped smile and “I was just in the wrong place”. Really she doesn’t have any use for the information right now, politics was never her game, but that doesn’t stop her from waking up everyday, putting on a pair of oversized sunglasses and exploring Roswell again.

TW ABDUCTION

III. The vision that solidified the fact that she was seeing the future was one that she had of her best friend, getting into a stranger’s car. She didn’t think her friend would ever do something so silly, and didn’t understand her own fears of it. But two days later the girl’s parents filed a missing person’s report after a neighbor said they saw her get into a white car without license plates. There was nothing anyone could have done, nothing they could do now but pray. Twyla was sick for weeks after, throwing up at the mere mention of the disappearance. Everyone thought she was just overcome with emotion at the loss of her friend, the thought it could have been her. How could any of them known that she was the only one who could have told her friend to stop, how could she have even known that was the future.

QUICKSHOTS:

ever since the visions started she’s been battling insomnia, hence the late night careers

her favorite tea is blueberry, she only drinks coffee black, and always mixes her icee flavors

she painted her bedroom walls dark purple when she first moved into her apartment because she thought it would help her sleep during the day but now she just finds the room dark and suffocating, but can’t paint over it

one night stand kind of girl

favorite color is light blue; it’s so cliche to say, but it calms her

has a cat that she’s installed a cat door for. there’s no telling when it’s going to come and go from her place and she tries to stay very detached from the idea of losing it. but when the cat is home there’s pretty much no denying that she loves it.

twy is an acceptable nickname for her, by no means should you try to shorten it to la, her middle name is only for use at the shop, and even then she has a hard time not cringing.

her nails are always painted, usually dark colors

she collects newspaper clippings and internet articles of the different things she’s seen come true, she’s hoping one day to see a pattern and have at least part of it all make sense

her favorite food is french fries from mcdonalds straight out of the fryer, warm and greasy and utterly terrible for her was part of her high school’s dance team and will deny it possibly the most out of all her other secrets

PLOTS + CONNECTIONS:

Right now I see Twyla as living in a very safe bubble that she’s created. Sure, some of the mischief she gets into can be dangerous, but she’s deliberately chosen to put herself in those situations knowing what’s going to happen. There’s no surprises for her in life, and really she likes it much better that way. But I don’t! I’m here to push her out of her comfort zone and have her make tough decisions, make her get involved in the world that she’s trying so hard to stay on the fringes of. Whether it’s something that involves only a few characters or something super relevant to the plot I want to push her towards making definitive decisions and having to deal with that. She puts so much on everyone else, even when she’s nudging them towards doing something, that having to finally face something herself would be the best way to put pressure on her. Every aspect of her projected identity is craft to keep people just distant enough so that she doesn’t have to worry about them should she glimpse something, which is something that I want to see totally backfire on her. She’s got to get a little messy in a way that she wasn’t expecting!! Or you know, as usual, I just really want her to suffer. Get that good angst going.

As far as her visions go, I think that her coming to terms with the fact that she’s been given a gift not some weird isolating curse would be a very nice wholesome way to go. On the other hand it could totally blow up in her face when someone realizes she could have done something to help them and just quietly sat by. Either way I don’t think it’s a secret that she can keep forever and definitely hope it plays into her character arc in some massive way. Because honestly it’s something that keeps her very separate from the majority of people, she views herself as being unable to fit in anywhere, so finally having a moment where she no longer has this secret and just has to interact with people without any reservations would be huge growth for her. It feels like every decision that she makes right now is in some way tied to trying to keep her visions at bay or convincing herself to ignore them, so at some point being able to break away from that would be great. I mean coming up with some explanation for why they happen would be an interesting deviation too, maybe she turns out to be half-centaurian or something very scientific, but by no means do I think it has to go that far in order for the character arc to happen. She’s twenty-six and she doesn’t even know who she really is, like that’s her overarching theme if I had to pick one; anything to move towards answering that is a plot I am totally down for.

 Connections-wise:

Someone who’s kind of onto her shit. Like, there’s no way she’s able to know all this stuff about people by just wandering around the city, something else has to be going on with her. Of course she does the whole fortune teller routine to keep people from guessing that that’s what it is, but they could have all types of theories about what she’s doing and why she’s got so much dirt on people. They could just be watching from afar or confronting her, or anywhere on the spectrum but they know that Twyla’s got a secret.

She witnessed them doing something either immoral or illegal and they’re trying to convince her not to ever reveal it. It’s a weird blackmail stalemate, because she genuinely doesn’t know what she’s going to do with all the information she collects, and they don’t really have a whole lot of leverage on her. But they keep having to spend time with each other just to make sure that she doesn’t run off to the cops or something. Begrudging friends or all out enemies, really it could go anyway.

As an extension of my second plot paragraph, the person who she could have helped and chose to ignore. At the beginning that could contribute to a lot of her own inner conflict about her visions and who she is as a person, but once they actually get involved and know what she’s done I have a hard time believing the relationship could stay cool. Someone who’s genuinely mad at her and blames her for something would rock her world and I’m so here for it.

ETC:

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[northernstories]

Meet Cassidy Downing, a biology-ecology major from Almont, Mich. We asked Cassidy a few questions about her NMU experience so far: 

Why did you decide to come to NMU?   

Cassidy: I chose NMU because I remembered all the times visiting my brother at Michigan Tech when I was in high school and knew I wanted to live in the U.P. at some point in my life, but I liked the lifestyle of Marquette a bit more and had heard of the success of the Biology Department here.

What's an example of a cool, interesting or helpful thing that you have done as a part of your major?     

Cassidy: What to name first? I have branched out further socially and with my concentration than I ever thought I would here. I travelled the Monongahela National Forest last summer with the Evolutionary Biology Lab doing small mammal trapping that led to my trapping of a rare rat in the area that we are currently publishing a paper on. To have my name on a scientific publication would be a huge achievement for me, and it would be my first one. I also formed and am carrying out a study on Alaskan marten endoparasites (worms in the guts), and plan on publishing a paper on my findings as well.

What are you involved in within the university as well as outside of campus? 

Cassidy: I am a volunteer coder with the Conservation Data Lab through The Nature Conservancy, and am working on learning better coding skills to give usable data to projects that can help us look out for invasive plant species and wildfires in some areas out west. I also work in the Biology Department main office as a secretary, so come say hi! (with a mask on, please)

I also take advantage of my free time to take part in social changes on campus, and hope to make the most positive impacts possible- I believe it is up to everyone to leave their mark in a positive way and to be outspoken for those who can’t be, if possible.

Outside of school, what do you enjoy? 

Cassidy: I am a pretty avid runner and climber, with high hopes for both sports. I love the short drives to some pretty decent climbing areas around Marquette, as well as the access to beautiful spots to go trail running. Both sports give me lots of time to think and some quiet between work and classes. On the side I also do some illustrations (look out for my coloring book!) and enjoy yoga to stretch out sore muscles from climbing. I’m a huge fan of the local breweries and the food trucks that hang out near them, too.

What does “be Northern” mean to you?

Cassidy: I would say that the spirit of the student body at NMU is original, organic, and chill. There are big events that highlight green flags, sports stars and Wildcat Willy, but I don’t think that’s where the student body finds its pride. I think that the nights spent camping on national forest land, the social change that is currently challenging the foundations of old institutions, the grit of NMU students for making it through one of the school’s most difficult semesters, and the originality and quirkiness of students and staff make this place what it is. It is why Marquette is a tourist destination- there is originality, space, inventiveness, and natural beauty that makes Marquette, and NMU, truly wonderful. None of these things you can find in the bookstore with a logo on it.

What are your plans after graduation? 

Cassidy: My plans after graduating are to move to Wyoming to work with any environmental institution that will have me. I would love to (and have applied) to work as a horse packer, field technician for endangered species, or as a bum climber until options A or B become available.

Advice for current students?

Cassidy: It sounds dumb because you’ve heard it a million times, but follow your heart. It’s harder for some than others because of your financial or social dilemmas, but at any cost you should always do what makes you the happiest, even if you have to give up a lot or work really hard for it. It would be ignorant to claim that anything I’ve accomplished was in spite of my privilege, but those with privilege should always be seeking to lift those who do not up, and only together will we all be our best selves. I want to give words of wisdom to every NMU student, but for many I cannot because I do not have their life experiences. To anyone who would gain from hearing this though: your own happiness and self-worth should always come first, and the only expectations that dictate your life should be your own.

Why do you wear a mask?

Cassidy: I wear a mask because I understand that I am not the only one effected by the transmission of this virus and if I am not careful I could kill someone’s grandma. Or son. Or sibling. My own personal frustrations with wearing masks or the social issues caused by this crisis will not be solved by taking it out on others or their safety.

How have you been practicing social distancing?

Cassidy: I live with three other roommates, and we have had a “plus one” policy since March that we hold each other accountable for. That means at most, we would have eight people at our home, but to my knowledge we have not yet been good enough at planning to even make that happen. We each picked a close friend to be able to have over, and have not changed our “people” since the beginning of the pandemic. We also have tried mostly getting take-out rather than dining in, and are not going out to the bars or to parties.

How has COVID-19 changed your perspective or your lifestyle?

Cassidy: The lifestyle the pandemic forced on all of us was not easy to adjust to, but a little while into it I realized that I could live much healthier without indulging in what I used to. I do not think, even after things return to “normal” that I would spend much time at bars or drinking, and I learned to cook a lot more healthy meals at home where I would normally just be microwaving macaroni and cheese. I started running a lot more and doing yoga to work through anxiety, and now these things are just habits that I am using as a tool to better myself. I learned to appreciate a small group more, and not to feel bad if I’m not constantly hanging out with people. I think overall my worldview grew, while my personal life got simpler, which I think is a very good thing.

Tell me your story.

Cassidy: Is the “grew up in a small Michigan town” thing overused? I grew up in a small town outside Detroit, and I think it was meant to be that as a little kid I thoroughly enjoyed being coated in mud and playing with creepy crawlies because there just happened to be an abundance of such right outside my home, 24/7. I grew up obsessed with horses, and was working in horse barns cleaning stalls in trade for lessons by the time I was in high school. 

After getting a two year degree from a local community college near Detroit, I followed a path down becoming a professional horseback rider and groom. I travelled the world doing this for several years and at times was homeless, and other times was very comfortable. I worked on teams that did nothing but muck stalls in Arizona heat all day to riding with Olympic hopefuls in Germany. I worked unbelievably hard days in harsh conditions with people of all walks of life, and learned to appreciate those whose struggles are different from my own. 

I carried my pride of growing up low-income from Detroit all the way with me and used it as a tool of strength, especially on days that I was too tired to go home and slept on a hay bale in my riding clothes. After working in this career for several years I recognized that I would never feel fulfilled if I did not use my life to leave the world better than how I found it, and decided I would want to go back to school to get a degree that would help me help the environment. 

Now, about to graduate I am setting my sights on getting a field position to work for a while before looking into graduate schools. I’m a runner, climber, and social justice advocate but most importantly I am a very proud Michigan native and am extremely excited to use what I have learned at NMU to leave the world better than how I found it, in any way that I can. I hope to use any platform I am given in my life to spread awareness for peace, tolerance, and every individual’s ability to use their privilege to help others- I see this as the number one way to help save our planet, which I believe is the responsibility of all.

[mysongfortheasking]

Welcome to Crazyville, Population Unknown

WARNING: The following post is a combination of a little venting and how I am in the process of finding a solution to these things...bottom line, it is incredibly vulnerable. Proceed with caution.

These last few months have possibly been some of the most difficult times. I graduated from college April 28. In college I lived in a dorm room, with a neat little space of my own (side note: my definition of neat is probably very far from a type A’s definition of neat--it was kind of neat...like 60% of the time). Although I had two roommates, they were very respectful and kind and I still had a lot of privacy. We all had very busy schedules, so we typically saw each other at nights when we would get ready for bed together in our shared but private bathroom, and in the times we would schedule to go do something together. I was fairly independent, with a very structured schedule that kept me going from 9am until sometimes 11pm, but all of that time was spent surrounded by friends and professors whom I loved and enjoyed being with. On the weekends, I was free to go wherever I wanted to. I had a consistent paycheck and rarely had to ask anyone for financial help.

Then I came home.

At home, my family of five plus a close family friend who is living with us are currently in between houses. My parents are building a beautiful home on a hill (that I kid you not, looks INCREDIBLY similar to the house Noah built Allie in The Notebook) and a garage apartment next to it that they are going to let me live in...but in the meantime, all six of us live in an incredibly tiny rent house. I sleep on a mattress on the floor in a loft that is about five or six feet wide, with no closet, walls, or even a door. We all basically share one bathroom and I have zero privacy. Upon the encouragement of others, I decided to “take a break” this summer before I start grad school, so on top of all this, I have zero consistency in my schedule and paycheck. The other day I had to ask my mother for money to go get ice cream. I am frantically filling out job applications and putting myself on every public site possible basically begging for a nannying job. I have gotten incredibly sick at least twice this summer (one of those times I somehow managed to catch the flu and strep throat at the same time). I have been looking forward to moving into the garage apartment soon, but now that has been briefly put on hold due to circumstances outside of my control. In fact, if I could sum up how my life feels right now, that is the phrase to describe it: circumstances outside of my control.

If I am being very honest, this summer has felt a lot less like a break and more like a chaotic storm. I feel like I have been yanked out of my normal comfortable life and have been declared the new mayor of a town called Crazyville, where I have to make up all the laws and form an entirely new government, despite the fact that I have no political experience whatsoever. There have been lots of times spent crying, sometimes where I just get in my car and leave with no clear destination in mind, and a few days where I have felt no motivation to get out of bed. Throughout all of this, people have told me that this is a very stressful but normal part of life and I should just rest and go with the flow. But I feel like I cannot rest. I feel like I am losing my mind.

And yet, despite how it sounds so far, this post is not to just whine about my problems. This post is an attempt to bring sanity back to myself and to let others know who might be in this same situation that you are not alone. We, the citizens of Crazyville, are in this together.

What I have realized throughout all of this is that in order to maintain at least a small sense of sanity, I need to cling to whatever consistency and normalcy I can find. For me, that has been my body. I have been going to the gym 3-5 days a week since moving home, and it has really helped. Those times at the gym, whether I go to do a class or just workout on my own, have been a brief time of escape and stress relief. I have also taken a firmer grip on my own diet. I can’t control everything, but my body is something within my grasp.

I have also been writing more. To me, writing is an outlet, a form of release. I don’t post everything I write (partly because some of it is too personal, but also because some of it I would like to publish someday), but I have also tried to make it a point to write something new for my blog at least once a week. Because there is something therapeutic in making something out of nothing and sharing it with others. For me, writing these blogposts is not only a personal outlet, but it also reminds me that I am not alone.

Finally, another thing I have realized in this insane time of my life is that I need to take time for myself. And that I cannot feel guilty for that. In the past, I have been the type of person to put others far before myself. This is not to brag on myself or say that I am some wonderfully humble person, because I was not. I used to always put myself so far on the back-burner, I would forget about me. I would live my life constantly thinking of how my choices made others feel and how I affected others, and would adjust myself accordingly. I lived to fix people’s problems and please them. But what I have realized (not only through this but through other circumstances in the last few years) is that there is nothing wrong with thinking of yourself. Don’t feel guilty, either by yourself or by others, for going off to be alone, or to spend some carefree time with a friend, or to partake in some self care. One thing I have learned is that I am useless to others if I don’t take care of myself first.

One of my friends sent me this image awhile back, and I set it as my screensaver to remind myself that self care is so important. Whether that is sleeping in when I need it, going to the gym, reading a book at the pool, writing a new blog post, or staying out late with a friend, I have to put myself first. Buzzfeed (one of my favorite sites to casually peruse) has TONS of articles on self-care that helped me realize the importance of this and get some great ideas on little things I can do to maintain my sanity (you can read a lot of those HERE).

While I am on the topic of self care, I would also like to add this: sometimes, life becomes overwhelming, and we can’t handle it on our own. This does not mean we are weak or helpless. It simply means we are human. And there is nothing wrong with reaching out to others. I have recently been attending a church (another thing that has helped me get some peace in the middle of all this insanity), and they have been doing series called “Well.” It’s a series on practical things we as a community can do to help one another. Last week, the pastor titled his sermon “Help: How to Give It and How to Ask For It.” It was eye-opening to me. I realized that one thing I hate is asking others for help, because I don’t want to admit weakness and don’t want to be a burden to others. But there is nothing wrong at all in admitting my own humanity and asking others for help, because as much as I am willing to help others, others are willing to help me. (If I could type out that entire message, I would, because it was incredibly practical and encouraging. But instead, I will just leave the podcast link right HERE.)

In connection with asking for help, please know that there is nothing wrong with going to a therapist. I thought for the longest time that going to a councilor was stupid and strange. But when I went through an incredibly difficult time in life and needed help, I searched for one. I found one in my area who worked on what was called a sliding-scale, and gave me a cheaper price because I was a student who didn’t make a lot of money. Going once a week and talking to her, knowing that everything I said was completely confidential and I was not going to be judged or looked down upon was such a relief. It helped me more than words can say. I kept it secret for sometime, because I was too ashamed to admit that I was going to a therapist. Once, when I finally told someone that I was going every week, they said, “You know that person doesn’t care about you--she’s just making money off you. Once you quit paying her, she won’t think twice about you.” After that, I refused to tell anyone else for a long time. However, once I realized that I was doing it for me, and no one else, the shame and strange feelings I had about it went away. I don’t have a bumper sticker on my car that says “I ATTEND THERAPY,” but I am open about it and will be the first person to say that counseling is a wonderful thing for anyone.

All of this to say: do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Find whatever you can that helps you maintain sanity and get peace inside. For me, that is controlling my own health, going to church once a week, writing, and controlling whatever small area of life I can. Am I still stressed out? Absolutely. Do I still breakdown sometimes? Yes. But these things have helped.

For you, it might be doing yoga, going to counseling, sleeping, watching TV, going out with friends, or whatever else is out there. Figure it out. Think for you. Find some peace. Put yourself first. And know that you are not alone. We, the citizens of Crazyville, are in this together.