#also can’t believe only one of y’all said anything about how I messed up the last one 💀

[minecraft-bitch]

(If you vote for one with 2 ppl pls say which one you mean in notes/tags)

[who-datgirl]

Okay y’all so I have been thinking about the finale since Friday and the more I puzzle on it, the less I believe Ruby’s fairy tale ending was genuine. I of course was a big proponent of the “Ruby is River’s daughter theory”, but I am starting to be one of those people who think she is an unknown member of the pantheon. More specifically, I think she may be the daughter of The Trickster, I’ll go into why.

Let’s start with Ruby’s “mom” in the flashback, her hooded face with humanoid lips visible gives me serious Trickster vibes from SJA. A constant lament was “WHY CAN’T I SEE HER FACE?” Well, The Trickster really doesn’t have much of a face aside from ruby-red lips and sharp teeth. Honestly, why would a 15 year old have such an ominous cloak and where did she get it between the maternity ward and abandoning Ruby at the church? Granted a 15 year old still high on painkillers from giving birth could definitely do some zany shit, but it seems like a stretch to me. If my hunch is somehow correct, I would go so far to say that in the time window they did not see Ruby’s parent crying under the hood, but rather laughing maniacally. In fact, I honestly thought she was laughing when I first watched that scene. If the “mom” is actually The Trickster, then he would definitely have been laughing as he takes great pleasure in messing around with The Doctor and their companions.

The Trickster is the god of traps, which typically involves some narrative that a person falls prey to in order to be ensnared by the trap set for them. Ruby as the child of that entity could totally be able to create narratives that people would happily believe and become a part of, or to put it succinctly: a story. It isn’t any further of a stretch than the god of games having a child that is the god of music.

I think as the season went on, Ruby subconsciously created her own happy ending and bio parents piece by piece. Finding her parents seemed to be a process of creation as it unfolded. The DNA scan in 2046 only showed Ruby’s DNA twice. After defeating Sutekh though, 2024 UNIT was able to seamlessly find some ordinary and flawed woman eager to reconnect with and apologize to her abandoned child. Her bio mom is even willing to reach out to a presumable one night stand from 20 years ago, catch up with him, and see if he wants to become a father figure after two decades. Also the origin of Ruby’s name through a street sign that seemed to not exist in the footage, until it suddenly did, felt like an actual change to the timeline. I have nothing against this ending per se, it just all felt deliberately too perfect as if reality was bending entirely to Ruby’s deepest desires. To top it off Ruby somehow pulled the exact narrative of 10 and Rose’s goodbye for 15 and herself, almost as if unconsciously she tuned into one of The Doctor’s deepest heartbreaks to reflect how horribly she felt about leaving them.

I don’t think Ruby’s real story is close to done. I think her perfect ending will start to show cracks, and the reality of it will seem more created than true. Eventually we may even see her wake up to the truth of her power in time for The Trickster to come in and truly fuck around with things for her and 15. It would be interesting to see her owning her power to send her own bio parent into a narrative that The Trickster could never escape.

There is just too much that went unaddressed. How did Ruby conjure snow? Why was Maestro so disturbed by her hidden song that they said there was something seriously WRONG with her (Maestro literally refers to her as a CREATURE)? How did she fold her own timeline back in 73 yards? Why were people so terrified of or infuriated by the apparition that we now know was Ruby? Did the Ruby in the distance tell people about her ties to the Pantheon of Discord? Did the apparition know the truth of Ruby that is hidden even from herself? Why would Sutekh care about the hooded parent more than anything else he creeped on during his centuries attached to the TARDIS? Is he a Jerry Springer fan, obsessed with “you ARE/ARE NOT the parent” reveals?

One final thing that makes me think they may pull a child of The Trickster into the story. In SJA before Elisabeth Sladen passed, they were planning on revealing that her adopted daughter Sky was really The Trickster’s child all along. The episode never aired as SJA could not go on without Elisabeth. I could see RTD honoring her show by making that story canon through Ruby. After all, Ruby too is an adopted daughter.

[hotpotatoshealthjourney]

So today I had my first ever lumbar puncture (also commonly known as a spinal tap), because my new neurologist is a dick and doesn’t believe my old neurologist that I have MS in spite of everything that points to that being the case (seriously, if you knew this disease and then heard all my symptoms, it would be hard to say “nah, doesn’t sound like MS).

Anyway, so. We had to be at the hospital at 7:45am, so I woke up at 7 to take my anxiety medicine because I knew otherwise I’d be a panicky mess. I had been chugging Powerade since the night before, because the biggest tip I had gotten from other MSers who had done it before was that.

We checked in and were taken to the radiology waiting room. Thankfully we didn’t have to wait long before they called my name. We were taken to what looked like an operating room which was intimidating. Sir got to be in the room with me while the nurse went over exactly what was going to happen and I asked any questions. Once the doc came in though, he had to leave (which was fine with him as he didn’t want to see that part anyway - he gets squicky about needles).

They pulled my shirt up and pants down and cleaned the whole area with the orange stuff (iodine I think?). I asked them to tell me what was happening each step of the way since I couldn’t see anything. (I wish I had a mirror, cuz it makes me way less anxious if I can see what is going on).

They started out telling me everything going on, but partway through I think they just got really focused and forgot, lol. Anyway they said “ok now you’ll feel a sharp pinch” and I knew from what the nurse had told me that that was going to be the lidocaine to numb the area. The sharp pinch part was ok, but as it moved around to get more areas it hit some really painful parts that made me audibly like squeal. It wasn’t awful though, y’all know me - I’ve had worse, on purpose. 😉

This is where they stopped talking to me. At some point in here they started the actual procedure but I have no idea when because after the lidocaine nothing felt any different at all. I only even knew that they had started because at some point I heard “Third vial done. You did a great job hydrating.” I’m wondering if they just kept the same needle they had in for the lidocaine to do the actual procedure or if I really was so numb that I didn’t feel the new needle go in, or what. I thought it would take a bit for the lidocaine to kick in which is why I didn’t think it had started yet. Seriously guys, it was super fast.

After the fourth vial it was over. They cleaned up my back as best they could and put a bandaid on the spot they poked me (after such a scary procedure going into your spine, you’d think you’d get more than a little bandaid, but nope!). Then since they needed the room right away, they took me to one of the little dressing rooms to wait for the blood draw I needed to have done along with the lumbar puncture.

I laid on the little wooden bench in there, my legs up on the wall. The biggest risk after a lumbar puncture is the worst headache you can imagine, and the best way to prevent this (besides being very well hydrated) is to lay on your back as long as you can after the procedure. So that’s how they found me when they came to draw my blood.

She came in and was like “oh, do you have a headache?” all concerned. I was like no, not yet, just doing everything I can to prevent one (seriously guys, from what I’ve read it’s completely debilitating, and can last for weeks with no reprieve. I really really didn’t/dont want this headache). So I sat up and she drew my blood (I can’t remember the last time I had only one vial of blood drawn, hehe). Then I met back up with hubby and we went on our merry little way.

We got coffee on the way home, because caffeine is another thing they say can help prevent the headache (even the nurse suggested it, and I’m not gonna turn down an excuse for yummy warm coffee on a cold day). Sir also got 2 gingerbread scones. I don’t like scones, but I love gingerbread stuff, so I asked to try a bite, and it was so yummy that he let me have one of his. He’s such a sweetheart. Love you @postal-raccoon , you take such good care of me.

Got home, lazily finished my coffee and scone on the couch while Sir rested, and then once he left for work I went to bed. My body refuses to allow me to sleep on my back, so I disobeyed that part of the suggestion, but I laid down, so I call it close enough. I slept like the dead (thank you Xanax) until almost 6pm (I didn’t set an alarm cuz the more sleep the better I figured). Woke up feeling great. No headache yet!

Usually the results for this take a bit to come back. Up to like 2 weeks. So just waiting on that nervously. *I* know I have MS, the symptoms and how they’ve accumulated and the lesions on my brain all scream MS. But the lumbar puncture - even in people with MS - can come back clean. So I’m nervous that will happen to me so my new neuro will dismiss me as not having it. If that happens, I’ll have to go to Portland to get a second opinion, and until we move closer to Portland that’s a really long drive for a doctor appointment. So I’m really hoping it shows what I already know - that I of course have MS. Keep me in your thoughts (and prayers if that’s your cup of tea) over the next couple weeks please.

Love y’all!!

[mines-camren]

THE FIRST MEETING

Part 1

Summary: Just my take of Kate Martin and Caitlin Clark Meeting for the first time.

Rating/warning: none

Kate Martin POV

The pain was like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I was screaming like my life had ended and in that moment it really felt like it had. At a women’s Iowa basketball practice before my freshman year I tore my ACL. I’ve never had to deal with a major injury in my basketball career before, let alone a season ending one.

It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through but strangely it was also one of the best things that could have happened to me. Being redshirted that year and being on the bench really taught me how to be a team player and root for my teammates success. In High school I had a bit of an ego with being one of the best players and team captain, so being sidelined that year was new to me.

But it kept me humble and motivated me to get in the gym and get healthy again. By the time my sophomore year came around I was back in the rotation and getting playing time.

“Hey Martin!” coach Bluder called, “come over here for second, I gotta talk to you.”

We were finishing up a practice and I was a little nervous to be called out but kept cool as I walked up to her, “What’s up coach? Is everything okay?”

Coach was straight to the point, “We have a recruit coming for an official visit next week, her name’s Caitlin Clark and she’s someone we really want to lock down. The coaching staff and I were hoping you and some of the other girls on the team could show her around campus, maybe take her to a football game. We really think she might be the missing piece to this team.”

I had not heard of this supposed 5 star recruit but I didn’t wanna let coach down so I accepted, “Yes of course coach, the girls and I can do that! Anything to make the team better.”

“That a girl,” coach said, “I knew I could count on you, you’re starting to become a real leader for this team.”

With that, practice had ended so I walked to the locker room to change and ask my teammates if they have heard of this new recruit.

“Hey guys, have y’all heard of a girl named Caitlin Clark?”

Gabbie was the first to answer, “yeah she’s like the number 1 high school recruit in all of Iowa.”

Monika added, “the girls a point guard that can shoot from long range bit of a sniper with great handles and court vision.”

McKenna looked at me and laughed, “wow Kate I can’t believe you haven’t heard of her.”

“Well damn my bad,” I say as I finish getting dressed. “Since y’all love this Clark girl so much I’m sure you’re gonna be excited to hear this but we all our going to be her tour guides when she takes her official recruit visit!”

“Wait, really?” Gabbie said and Monika added, “We can’t mess this up guys, she’s a five star recruit. We don’t get a lot of those around here.”

Hearing Monika say that stung a little but she was right, programs like Iowa don’t get many opportunities like this and Coach was counting on me.

“Okay,” I said, “we are gonna show this girl such a good time that she won’t even think about going to any other school!”

“Oh yeah, how are we gonna do that miss captain Kate?”

“First of all thank you for calling me captain,” I flash a smile and a quick wink at Monika, “second we take her to a football game hopefully they win and third we take her to an after party where she will have the time of her life. She’ll commit to Iowa by the end of the week.”

McKenna was first to criticize my plan, “what if she doesn’t even like football or partying like you Kate, not everyone is a frat boy.” She laughed and that earned some giggles from Gabbie. I tried my hardest to glare at them but it didn’t work out.

“Okay so it’s not the best plan but it’s honestly all we got,” Gabbie said, “I think we should just be ourselves and don’t try to make her feel pressured in any way. I can only imagine the kind of pressure she’s under already.”

“Yeah you’re right,” Monika said, “we gotta make her feel comfortable.”

I clapped my hands together to get their attention, “okay great talk ladies!” I grabbed my bag to head out. “I’m glad we are all on the same page, I’m gonna go see y’all at practice tomorrow.”

As I got back to my dorm I contemplated on goggling Caitlin Clark but I decided not to. All I needed to know is that she’s crazy good at basketball and she’s considering playing for our team.

[dekusleftsock]

THOUGHTS ON 376 TIME! WOOHOO!!

Three thoughts came into my mind on this page.

One, that “we still haven’t had our chat about romance” is a thought in ochako’s head, not just a distraction. (Very interesting..) But I may just be reading the bubbles incorrectly, as I’m aware that last chapter she said this to Ochako. Could it be Toga remembering it? Another possibility too.

Two, that Toga believes this is Ochako trying to TAKE BACK her rejection in some light. To my knowledge, (and if the translators didn’t mess anything up too badly, sorry y’all I’m aware it won’t be perfect no matter what) “taking a hint” is often used in English to describe someone not backing off romantically. The hint being, “I don’t have feelings for you”. (Edit: this post translated it in its most literal form, and it said “persistent” so, I still stand by what I said. It’s sounds like someone rejecting a romantic confession)

And number three, the most important. “Can’t take a hint” is the most tongue and cheek thing I’ve seen. IT SOUNDS LIKE IN MY VERY BIASED SHIPPER MIND THAT, THE AUDIENCE, AKA US, HAVENT GOTTEN THE HINT WITH THESE TWO.

I saw literal radio silence when chapter 375 came out. Now, I’m aware that togachako is a bit of a rare pair. Not only is it a sapphic ship, but it’s also with a more “problematic” dynamic, and with a character that was introduced later on into the series. Wayyyy after ochako was introduced as Izuku’s love interest.

Most bkdk shippers either outright ignore ochako, hate her, or ship her with Tsu. I only judge one option out of the three, as it’s usually born out of misogyny. (Purposefully or not, I’ve seen people love male characters with the same “annoying” traits ochako has. Tbh, most people hate her bc she’s a girl and she’s feminine. That’s it)

Anyway yeah, and the only people who really care about her character development are one: Ochako stans (love y’all <3) two: togachako shippers (me) and three: izu//ocha shippers. (Censored so that I don’t tread on their territory as I’m about to be a little…. Eh to them and their interpretations)

Now, izu//ocha shippers to me are pretty neutral. There’s the dudebros who I think everyone hates, and then there’s the normal batch of people. A mix of people who enjoy the series very casually, or people who just generally like them.

Because of this fact, however, they are, like me, also biased. Meaning if I presented my thoughts on togachako to an izu//ocha shipper, I will and have been called a little bit of a conspiracy theorist about it. That I’m in denial, yada yada. All that junk. And if I’m wrong? Then shit, guess it’s me getting kicked in my ass all over again for trusting a shonen writer. I have fandom to help me cope. I’ll live.

Now, because of this bias, it leaves the interpretations of chapters 289, 342, 348, and even 375 all deemed as “izu//ocha chapters”, because what else could it be leading up to other than that?

And that’s why I HOPE and I PRAY that Horikoshi pulls the rug out from under your feet. I hope and pray every day that’s what happens. If only to confirm in my mind that my eye for detail isn’t sketchy or rough around the edges. Or that my conclusions aren’t just delusions. I don’t like to be wrong, thank you very much.

The other thing I wanted to delve a little into. Toga’s mind is a labyrinth that I don’t think even us as the audience has quite cracked yet.

I like to think I understand people. Not in the casual social way, god no. Social cues are not my thing. But reading people? Getting to the bottom of their issues and wrenching them from their depths and into the open for someone to see? THATS what I’m good at. Understanding a person and how they work. Because, let me tell you, there is a reason for each and every thing a person does. Every little detail, from the way they stand to how they choose their words. How someone reacts defensively and offensively are the biggest giveaways to who a person actually is.

Toga Himiko’s walls are miles thick. They appear sheen, like she wears her emotions on her sleeve, but that’s just not TRUE. Before she broke, it was forced neutrality to the wrongdoings in her life. Possibly even any form of happiness wasn’t deemed respectable to wear. The mask was on at all times, no matter what, but now? Now it’s a smile. The mask is still there, it still exists. It’s just in a different form, something made to protect HER rather than EVERYONE else. It’s interesting.

Another notable thing about Toga, she’s cried once, in the entire manga. She has cried once.

And it wasn’t even for Twice’s death.

If toga were to cry at Twice’s death, if toga were to express any other vulnerability other than anger at his death, then she would be left with two things: the mask, shattered; the one that mattered. And two, she would have to accept that everyone was right about her. That she was a tragedy.

And not only was she a tragedy, but she had to accept that death affected her. That the love she “experienced” for people like Izuku or Sato, wasn’t love. Because she loved twice, yet never wanted to BECOME him.

And I can hear it now, “doesn’t she want to be ochako too?” No, actually. She wants to be like her.

And, if you ship bkdk, you probably follow some other analysis creators on here. People who have talked about Izuku wanting to become LIKE Katsuki, not become him.

And that begs the question, does ochako want to become deku? Or become like him?

I think it’s both.

The thing is, Ochako ofc can’t physically become him, but at every turn of trying to be like him, it hasn’t really let her evolve. It’s held her back, actually, like at the sports festival. Ntm, this requires some level of natural imitation, something Ochako clearly lacks in her relationship to Izuku.

But she does not lack with Toga.

Idk if I showed it here before, and if I didn’t, I apologize for not explaining completely at least. Essentially, Ochako naturally imitates how Toga looks in both her hairdo and some choice facial expressions. Toga naturally imitates through posing techniques mid air and behavior parallels. I don’t feel like grabbing the panels, sorry!!

But back to Himiko, I think that she desperately wants close connection, is extremely insecure about herself, and actively hides behind smiles. Not only that, but she’s been trying to imitate shigaraki this entire time by having his “I don’t care about love and I wanna destroy the world” attitude and disdain. Showing she’s trying to find the most powerful people in her mind right now to hide from herself, her own sadness. She wants to hide from her rejection, and views the rejection itself as her. She knows that people see something especially unnerving and wrong about her, yet doesn’t completely understand why. So this rejection sensitivity is not only heightened by her trauma, but also Twice’s death.

With him gone, she now becomes unnervingly aware that she does not like death the way she thought she did. She also can’t escape the reality that no one has ever truly cared about Toga Himiko as a person.

And in her mind, following Jin’s death, no one ever will.

One last note, these two panels felt like parallels to me. Might be a stretch.

[joyswonderland1108]

🙃

I know i said that my biases are Jimin and JK but i never said i wasn’t a big fan of 3J which means that if Hobi is being disrespected imma snap your head in half!

Every time i come here to talk about something nice there’s a whole mess going on that at this point my blog is turning to a rant blog ffs. When did this fandom become like this? When did the toxicity became huge to the point where you can’t go a day without something disgusting being spread online? 

So by now everybody knows that Hybe posted an announcement about Hobi’s upcoming enlistment that he started the procedure already, we saw that coming but it’s still upsetting of course, we still felt sad knowing how real it’s becoming that Hobi is leaving for MS too. So we’re trying to come to terms with it and another announcement only this time it’s a happier one:

We were also able to see our Sunshine live 

(Credits to Dalto on Twitter)

Now i believe you see where this is going right? So Hope on the street is a single set to be released on March 3rd, key word here : SINGLE. One song. But of course dickheads have a thing to say right? Saying how he is interfering with Jimin’s solo if he couldn’t release it before why choose now bla bla bla rat language.

I’ve mentioned in my previous post that even one song can take a while let alone many, some artists spent 2 3 years on one song, it’s called perfectioning it, working on every possible flaw so that the end result is something that lets the artist feel satisfied with the hard work he put in it. So to answer the “why didn’t he release it before?” simply because he couldn’t “why won’t he release it later?” simply because he can’t. 

Now saying that he’s interfering with Jimin’s solo.. There are 20 days between March 3rd and March 24th (not including both dates) and again am going back to the key word, it’s a SINGLE it’s only one song how tf is that interfering with Jimin’s solo? There’s enough time to give attention to Hope on the street and also be ready for FACE.

It’s actually funny to see people try to make it a competition between none other than Jihope like.. Be so fr right fucking now! It’s not like y’all are legally blind to not notice how close those two are, they’re besties, and more than anything they are happy for each other so for a bunch of low-life strangers trying to put their 2 useless cents of thoughts on the matter.. y’all just shut the fuck up

Now if Hobi just decided to enlist without dropping anything, people would be saying how he’s not appreciating Army he just left like that or why did he wait all that time to enlist if he doesn’t have more work to do or or or.. Of course there’s always something to complain about, this fandom is never satisfied and would you look at that, the boys still think about this stupid fandom and dedicate their work to them. 

Honestly there should be a whole separate new fandom for our boys, a private one that is, Vip or whatever you wanna call it, like you can’t get into that fandom unless you pass the morals test, the personality test, etc.. Army be fighting with that other fandom (not mentioning the name but y’all already know who, no hate to the girlies they’re cool, can’t say the same thing about their fandom tho) when they’re no better, creating shit INSIDE the fandom to begin with. 

It’s seriously getting tiring and sickening how people were just allowed to become this hateful, it’s like they forget that they got into this fandom that was started because of BTS like.. THE WHOLE BAND! Yes these 7 men are all different and unique but they’re also part of the same band whether you like it or not and if they wanted to go solo like many of y’all are dying for it to happen they would’ve done it a while ago it’s not the first time idols leave their band to go on a solo journey. If y’all have no respect for these boys as a band at least have respect towards your favs and what they want, what they wish for and the people they love. 

[gothmileena]

honestly lowkey surprised to see how many people reacting negatively to the trailer? ive been saying to friends that we don’t really know much of anything yet, other than this basically being a partial roster reveal and a confirmation of what we’ve all suspected since mk11 ended (fresh timeline) so that’s not really much of a surprise either. Imo the biggest thing here was a release date + preorder announcement. (Speaking of, I don’t believe Shang Tsung will end up being a preorder only bonus. Dlc? Oh yeah absolutely but I can’t see them restricting him like that. If anything it’ll just be a waiting period before the rest of us get our hands on him.) We don’t even know which Sub Zero that was lmao there’s still really not much story knowledge to be had.

We’ll definitely be getting more information the closer we get to the release date, whether via official channels or leaks, and with that I’ll form more of a solid anticipatory opinion on my expectations but right now it feels too early to go anywhere past ‘oh shit new game this year!’ because we really don’t. Have anything outside of that? Unless some of y’all have inside sources you aren’t sharing djfkfkf in which case, sharing is caring.

I’m excited to potentially see more of Edenia and I’m really curious about what Liu Kang’s version of events will look like. I’m also wondering if they end up pulling something similar to Dark Raiden with Human Raiden where it only lasts for like like half an hour and then he’s normal again, I think that’d be a bit funny. If they let me run around and explore I will be absolutely fucking Delighted. If they have some sort of create a fighter thing going on? (Liu Kang’s voiceover maybe might possibly have hinted it?? Could just be wishful thinking on my end) I would be even more thrilled if that were the case. The tag team thing from what I understand of it now does confuse me a bit, and if given the choice I’d prefer a larger roster over a tag in format, but like I said, I’ll hold off on any strong feelings about that until I see more of it.

Also I think I’m more relaxed about the announcements for this franchise because it’s not like a new timeline completely negates the old one. Normally time travel and its related tropes kill my interest on arrival, but with mk it always struck me as more exploratory than anything else. What I’m saying is you can still vibe with other timelines more than the new one and they’re all still equally canon since they exist separately. 30 years of canon would be an unholy mess to keep track of if they intended to have it all be continuous, from a storytelling perspective having multiple timelines was probably the best choice they could have made with the circumstances given.

Idk I’m just interested to see where this goes and excited to see more from this universe, and it feels like some people are just determined to find something to pick apart no matter what. There will be more than enough space for criticism once we get the final product, a two minute cinematic showing off a partial roster and what will almost definitely be some fatalities isn’t enough to go off of yet. I’ll definitely be finding something in the new game to latch onto in canon and have fun with & I’m looking forward to seeing what aspects of it end up resonating with me in the end

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW: CSA, mention of a delusion.

Seeking: Validation, and maybe a bit of advice and reassurance, I guess. I mostly want to know if this has ever happened to anyone else.

Y’all can call us Chord.

Apologies in advance- this is long. There is a lot to unpack here.

So, I don’t really have concrete evidence of this, but I believe I may have been sexually abused as a toddler. I have not seen or heard from my suspended abuser since I was around that age. I am part of a system, and there are alters here who have been around since then.

A while ago, I was looking through old stuff from that time period for evidence. I found a couple pictures that had my suspected abuser in them. When I looked at her, it felt like some unknown alter far away from me was experiencing attraction, which horrified me, as I am not attracted to this person, and even if I’m wrong, and she didn’t abuse us, she still said and did other messed up stuff to us.

Here is where things intensify:

We go to physical therapy. There’s this one person who has been working there for a little bit. I don’t know her that well, but since she’s started working there, I’ve been with her almost every session (I don’t really have a choice, but I don’t mind). Let’s call her “Mia.” I think she’s in her mid-20s, but I’m not sure. It is also important to mention that I have some other mental issues that really act up when I’m there, including my delusion. I’m not going to go into detail about my delusion, but right now, part of it is that I believe she only works there because of something that happened to me. Of course, that’s not true at all, but it’s been branching off from there. When I considered reaching out to a helpline about the situation I’m about to discuss, I was almost somewhat convinced that she’d be the one on the other end, or find out about it in some way because I put it in writing. In the same way, I’m worried she’ll see this ask somehow, and I’m m half convinced that she knows about this situation, even though there’s no way she could.

There are some exercises where the person I’m working with has to touch me, and those exercises involve my legs. I’ve gotten pretty good at dissociating through the parts where they touch me, and I’m normally very deep in thought when I’m there, so I’m okay at dealing with them. Last week, during one of these exercises, Mia accidentally touched the back of my thigh, really close to my butt. She did apologize, but I was deep in thought about something else and wanted to pretend like nothing had happened, so I said nothing.

Later that day, I thought about it again, and felt weird. I got confused, because it felt like attraction, and I’m not attracted to her, nor do I want to be, because of how we know each other and because we are bodily a minor. I confirmed that it was attraction when it happened again that night. I was horrified. When talking about it with a friend, we had a really overt switch, and I finally reached the alter who was experiencing the attraction (it turned out to be the same one who had experienced the attraction to our suspected abuser). They haven’t told me her name yet, so I’ll call them “Sparkle.” As a result of our suspected abuse, Sparkle feels like someone needs to take care of us, and feels like Mia is the only one who can. None of us agree with this, but we can’t convince them otherwise. She’s also trying to convince me that I like feeling this attraction, even though I don’t like it at all.

The last time we went to PT, we were working with someone else. We did see her, but neither of us said anything to each other. Luckily, I didn’t feel any attraction, but I could hear some of Sparkle’s thoughts/words in my head. I was worried about what would happen the next time I had to work with her. That ended up being today. The same thing happened; I was just more anxious about it. I found out that one of my alters, a sexual protector who has been around since I was a toddler, was mentally restraining them during the session. They stopped restraining them after we left because they said it wasn’t healthy to restrain them all of the time. Everyone feels really guilty about it, because she didn’t intentionally do anything, she’s just doing her job, and she has no idea. We don’t know what to do.

So my question is this: Is it possible for child predators (or predators in general) to do something (intentionally or unintentionally) that makes it so that the victim becomes attracted to people that touch them like that? Is this something anyone else has ever talked about? Either way, how do we fix/handle this?

Thank you.

Hi Chord,

I don't know if you know what caused your plurality if anything but whatever may have happened to you as a toddler could be that.

It's also possible that the attraction of that part may have been some kind of trauma bonding or hypersexual trauma response, though it's hard to say for sure. It sounds like this part's attraction could be more of a survival mechanism than actual attraction. it's possible that the incident of being accidentally touched could've been a triggering experience to the extent that this part was alerted and either did what they felt was necessary to survive (express attraction) or has developed involuntary attraction around people resembling the abuser.

Abusers can and do take a Pavlovian approach when it comes to triggers or sexual attraction. there's people into CNC for similar reasons. it's not necessarily a choice to have the trauma-related sexual interests that we do, and often times the abuser(s) condition that intentionally because it only works in their favor. Working to explore and dismantle these trauma-based mechanisms is a process that takes time and almost always requires the guidance of a mental health professional such as a therapist, if you can access or afford it and don't have one already.

Physical therapy is an extremely delicate thing as a survivor of sexual abuse. Accidents unfortunately do happen and while this may just have to be something to take into consideration as you continue with PT, it may also be worth looking into any possible alternatives that involve less potentially triggering scenarios.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[hoghtastic]

“Girl really done pavlov'ed herself with the sound of him picking up his phone im crying”

“I said in the clip it seems like he is grabbing a phone but it is a napkin, she wouldn’t be able to hear him wiping the table 🙄 it’s just funny her snap reaction to him potentially grabbing a phone. We are allowed to observe what we want YALL! 🙄”

How is it logical that you can’t hear someone wiping a table with a dry napkin but you can hear someone pick up a phone from a table? She’s obviously been at the table with him for a while so she would know that wasn’t his phone, by simply glancing over at him a couple of times anyone could pick up on that. Especially since she’s sitting right in front of him. Maybe she thought he made a mess or something and was wiping it up and it caught her attention from her peripheral vision. “We are allowed to observe what we want YALL” when your observations are wrong, should it really be allowed though? You are twisting something as simple as her turning her attention to some commotion she noticed beside her into some type of negative connotation that’s supposed to “prove” she’s a nasty, shitty, or controlling person. It’s very weird behavior, every little chance you get to judge her and Alex, and how they manage their relationship, and how they manage their socials, you jump to conclusions that then snowball into false rumors that can very well damage someone’s image. It was rumored she was a bully in one ask in the blog that got deleted, and the posts that were made on that Reddit were written by people who were regularly active and sending in asks on that same blog only after reading the allegations. The time someone mentioned she was cyber bullying people on Facebook is also false. She didn’t even have Facebook at the time of the alleged bullying (which was said to have taken place in elementary school) she joined when she was in high school. And the rumor that said she spilled a drink on someone at a dance is also false, the person that posted that isn’t even the same age as Johanne, she didn’t go to school with her, and she doesn’t even live in the same country. All because people made one speculation about “feeling” like she was a mean girl. And that’s not even the only snowball. What y’all do on this blog is literally called slander. And karma comes around for people that have negative words for someone that’s just minding theirs. Which is probably exactly why she going up and actually accomplishing what she wants to do and y’all are sitting on your phone all in this blog worried about how somebody else lives their life because you don’t have anything better to be doing with or in your time?

Anon to anons. 😊

Personally, I respect that you have a different perspective and agree that we should always take with a grain of salt everything we read online, because everyone can write what they want. However, I assume we’re all grown ups here and like to believe that people already know that. Moreover, this is just a gossip blog for fun, and no one is spending 24/7 here. Although, even if we were, what other people do with their free time shouldn’t be of your concern. And at the end of the day, you too are here, reading and commenting on a blog you apparently don’t even like, while Johanne is out there with Alex living her best life. 🤷‍♀️

[what-gs-watching]

"Come little children, take thee away..."

Well, friends. I got signed up with a career coach and I’m doing a resume bootcamp thing. I probably should have waited longer, I really am in no mood to think about my work and what I’ve done and how I’m gonna distinguish myself from a million other candidates BUT no time like the present I  guess.

Which means after I finished my bootcamp exercise, I decided to eat a gummy and get into some good spooky szn viewing. Because fuck it! I can do what I want right now. Mostly. And this seems like the best way to view the new Haunted Mansion Disney movie. 

I am very much an adult, thank you.

I’m gonna preface this by saying I’ve only seen the trailer and hadn’t read anything about it but I was assuming it’s going to be terrible because that sounds right, even though the cast is actually kind of ridiculous. You got all these people to be in this movie? Dang, y’all.

Also, I love the Haunted Mansion ride. Disneyworld makes me happy. I’ve only been a handful of times in my life (was one of those times last winter with my 70-year old parents? Yes. Just me, a 30-something and my parents. That’s a thing I did recently. No regrets) but Haunted Mansion is always fun. I love spooky shit. Even if it’s a disney-version of spooky. Who let me know that ride when I was like 5 though? Y’all are miscreants. 

What I’m trying to say is: I watched it.

And it’s pretty cute, I’ll admit it. Like, the premise is crazy, but they went for it. Like, they realized it was ridiculous and they leaned into it. And I’m about that.

I tried to ask my husband: “If you entered a house and realized that you were now haunted and had to STAY in that house, would you knowingly have other people come into the house and get haunted too, because you needed help figuring out how to be unhaunted?” 

And he was like:” I don’t want to call people, I’ll just die there by myself, it’s fine.”

So then I said, “but what if the house was filled with 999 other ghosts that were being haunted by a more powerful ghost who was trying to escape into the real world and fuck things up, by using your spirit as the 1,000th ghost?”

And he goes, “It’s a ghost haunting other ghosts? Nah, you can’t haunt me, I’m already dead. We’re good.”

So we’re different people. But that’s how you’d explain this movie and that’s so SILLY and sometimes you need that. But underneath there’s a nice story about getting through grief and believing in yourself and making friends. And sometimes you need that too. 

Real cute you guys, that was real cute. 

The point is, I love October, only if to re-watch some random favorites. Which means, this week on What G’s Watching: scary recos 👻

If you can’t tell from my reaction to Haunted Mansion,I’m basic as hell, I’m woman enough to admit that. So here are my basic-ass go-to’s:

-

Haunting of Hill House A house-flipping couple with four kids buys a property in Massachusetts that they think will net them a bunch of money, but instead it ends up ruining their family and pretty much everyone’s lives for a really long time. 

Y’all. I LOVE this show. It’s the first one Mike Flanagan did for Netflix and when it came out I was immediately obsessed. I remember watching it on the couch in the dark with our first rescue pup and just being totally engrossed. It’s perfectly crafted and it’s creepy and only sometimes outright absolutely terrifying, and it pays off SO well. Bent Neck Lady is still one of the most upsetting, depressing, heartbreaking storylines I’ve seen. Just, really, really haunting. I’ve rewatched it a few times, and it’s still really devastating.

Haunting of Bly Manor An American governess running from her own problems takes a job looking after two children at an English estate wherein nothing and no one is as it seems. 

This one came out after Hill House and is also Mike Flanagan - he uses a lot of the same actors which messes with my head a bit but they go all in, it took me a while to connect the dots. I’d say less scary than Hill House as well, but the backstory is really what’s driving the entire thing and it’s weird and sad and a great example of vengeful spirits (I’m cleary still watching Supernatural). It’s fascinating. I don’t love it as much as I love Hill House, but they definitely compliment each other.

SCREAM(s) A psycho wearing a ghost mask is hell bent on murdering whoever they can because reasons.

I know Scream is not really a Halloween thing, but it’s become one, for me. Like I said, I’m not huge on slasher movies really, but the original 3 hold a special place in my heart. I mean, the first movie is like a love letter to the late 90’s, Neve Campbell and that incredible opening scene with Drew Barrymore, and the fashion and just everything.

 And again, because I’m a weirdo, I love the meta-ness of it all. The original killers want to blame everything on violence in media, and then the massacre inspires a movie franchise inside the SCREAM world. Scream 3 might be a hard favorite of mine, EXCEPT for the fucking bangs they put on Courtney Cox. it’s like someone just went at her with a pair of scissors with their eyes closed and then were like “yeah, that’s a look we want to go with.” It’s a real shame.

Even the reboots are worth a watch, I enjoyed 4-6, but if you’re gonna do anything, do the original or the original 3. Scream 2 also doesn’t get enough love - baby Timothy Olyphant and Jerry O’Connell! Sarah Michelle Gellar! It’s all so a specific moment in time and it makes my heart happy.

Hocus Pocus The new kid that’s just moved to Salem, MA doesn’t believe in magic so his virgin ass lights a candle and summons the best witches possibly ever. 

I know y’all are watching this. If you were born in the 80’s and 90’s, you’re catching it on tv or putting it on specifically and you should. It just feels good. And maybe that’s specific to people my age but Hocus Pocus is definitely a true childhood comfort movie. Bette Midler is amazing and I definitely had a crush on that kid, and it’s just fun. The musical number! I can conjure up that song in my mind so easily. This movie is  another core memory.

-

I probably won’t watch all of this, of course. And it’s possible at some point I might put Hubie Halloween on in the background while I do something else (I will always watch Adam Sandler make a fool of himself)  but they’re all good. 

I’m also planning on getting into Fall of The House of Usher (because if he made Hill House, it’s gonna be stellar) and potentially the new Goosebumps show. Because why not. Apparently the way I celebrate holidays now is with random tv, which I guess is an okay replacement for trick or treating. As long as there’s some kind of candy involved. 

So yeah, in-between thinking about the kind of job I want and doing random assignments and house things, I’ll be here, creeping myself out. Thank you, October.

[seokjinsonlyone]

Hiya! I found your tumblr bcuz of an mtl I found you had written! Would you take requests for mtls bcuz I have one lol? Most to least likely in bts to be an overprotective boyfriend?

HEY GIRLY HOPEFULLY MY RESPONSE DIDNT TAKE TOO LONG!!! it’s a struggle to put all my thoughts into words most times but yeah u can always send these in!! i like to think about these things!!!

now when you say overprotective i’m thinking in like a possessive machismo kind of way but also in a wants to shield you from the world type of way so

tae: 1/2 of the hard no for the perilla leaf debate and that tells me that if you with this man he gon be observing you and your interactions with others closely like you can’t be just acting any kind of way and doing any kind of thing 😭 he just not having it at all like he knows he don’t own you but at the same time you’re HIS and he just has a lot of thoughts on what’s best for you bc that’s all he wants fr and he’s sorry if he’s overbearing about it sometimes but anyway yeah unless u just like crazy ultra submissive expect a decent amount of “light fights” in your future 💀

jk: i literally just came across one of his replies from ig and the army was like “i was sad but you came so i’m better” and he was like “who made you sad? 🤨 HUH?! BRING THEM HERE” and that just tell me everything i needed to know fr. also 2/2 of the hard no for the perilla leaf debate like if you rolling wit him he just got to keep you close like don’t go too far or do too much

joon: i don’t know if you’ve seen extraordinary attorney woo but if you have he’s the type you gotta “woah woah” pretty frequently bc one thing bout joon is he gon take care of it like i just think about how he is the number 1 army defender like every time someone say sumn off about us he like 🤨🤚 hold awn now especially that whole james cordon situation like i won’t even up in arms but the way he stuck up for us was so hot so he just really not gon let anyone pull up on you any kind of way in fact he gon go out of his way to make sure no one does ur his queen nd will be treated as such

jimin: this the same man that pop up every couple weeks just to tell us to dress warmly and not to catch a cold so there’s definitely a measure of protectiveness there but overly? not necessarily mostly bc he makes it so hard for you to focus on anything but him like in a room full of people everyone could be looking at you but you’re only looking at him so why should he worry? however there are times when people try things that make him :\ or when he projects his own insecurities onto you or the people around you and in those cases he do be acting up so there’s that

hobi: physically i think he wants to put you in a bubble like if he could just trap you in one and lock you in a room to make sure you’re in top condition at all times he would do that like he’s definitely the type to come over with three different medicines and some soup if u said your throat was a little sore or if you had a sneeze but when it comes to other people? tbh if u going for a night out with the girls he’s probably helping u pick out your outfit and he’s photographing you before you leave his only problem is that he’s only getting a glimpse of you for the night and when you get back you’re probably gonna be too trashed for him to fully enjoy you like he believes in you and the relationship y’all have built together for sure

yoongi: he has a couple of hard no’s on things he thinks should or shouldn’t be done things that bother him for whatever reason but really that’s it like he don’t sweat the little stuff he knows you he trusts you so it’s cool not afraid to pop off on someone else if they being real persistent tho

jin: mr worldwide handsome is not finna be policing u at all if you not with him he is somewhere playing games like what reason do he have to be all over you? you have been specially chosen to be with the only 10 in a world full of 8 and belows like if u mess around that’s on you 😹 and he not getting with anyone who ain’t got common sense like he’s just real confident that you’re a strong independent woman who knows where home is

[gurlwithluvx3]

the blind date | myg

Pairing: (non-idol) bestfriend!Yoongi x reader (feat. Hobi and Jennie)

Word count: ~6K

Summary: one of your best friends had set up a blind date for you but the night takes a turn when you come home alone.

Genre/Warnings: smut, mentions of smoking weed

Masterlist

—

One of your best friends had set you up on a blind date. One of your best friends, meaning the one you recently fell in love with but would never become something more. He was off limits simply because he was one of your best friends.

“Hobi, our dear _____ is all grown up” Yoongi says as he helps himself to the contents of your fridge, grabbing a beer you had bought earlier this week.

“I know it’s been a long time _____ but I I know he’s gonna sweep you off your feet” he says rushing back to the living room where you’re basically showing them your outfits.

“That is too raunchy” Hobi says “are y’all going to the club?” He says as he snorts and laughs. You stick your tongue out as you head back to your room to change for the umpteenth time.

Your room is a hot mess considering all the clothes on your bed and floor, trying to find the perfect outfit. Not that you care about what you look like for the blind date.

“Yoongiiiiii” you begin to whine “I literally cannot find ANYTHING”. You sit on a pile of clothes on the bed. “Can you just tell him I caught the bug and won’t be able to reschedule for the next 6 months?”.

You lay on your bed, pulling out your phone from the pocket of your hoodie to scroll through Instagram before Yoongi comes in with a bowl of strawberries.

“_____ remember, let your yes be yes and your no be no. And you said yes so you can’t take it back” he says as he sticks his tongue out at you before indulging in a bite.

“I only said yes because you basically said yes for me” you whine, dropping your phone to your side as you sit up and stare at Yoongi as you’re now looking and feeling defeated.

“I’m okay with where I am in life Yoongi. All I need is Jennie, you, Hobi, and my handy dandy vibrator” you say as you wait for his reaction.

And you know exactly how he responds “You’re sick _______” you both say at the same time as you mock him.

He looks at you then to the pile of clothes on your bed. He puts down the bowl before grabbing a cute blouse and then throws it on your lap.

“Wear this with your favorite pair of jeans and those black heeled boots” he says before completely leaving your room, taking another bite of the strawberries. He leaves the door open to show that he’s not completely scarred from what you just said.

You bring the blouse to your attention and check yourself in the mirror and you can see that outfit actually working out.

“Thank you Yoongiiiiii!” You yell so that he can hear you. And then you set it aside as you begin to clean up the mountain of clothes.

You have your country music playing because for whatever reason it puts you in a good mood. Hobi quietly walks in as you’re turned around hanging up stuff in your closet.

“So which one are you going with?” He suddenly says, scaring you half to death.

“Hobi, what the hell!” You yell, hitting him on the shoulder. You look at each other before you both start laughing.

You hold up the blouse and pants as you point to the shoes and he gives you a thumbs up in approval. He moves some clothes to one side of the bed as he sits down.

“I can’t believe you’re really going” he says so that only you can hear. “But, I’m also proud of you for actually trying”.

The last time you dated someone was over 2 years ago and if it weren’t for Hobi and Yoongi, who knows where you would be.

They picked up the pieces of your broken heart, along with your actual best friend/roommate Jennie. They helped mend the parts of you that you thought would never heal and you’re eternally grateful for them all.

And you weren’t lying earlier when you said all you needed were the 3 of them. Yet they insisted you go on a date.

It doesn’t help that Jennie and Hobi have been together for the past 5 years. They got together a year after you and Jennie became roommates going into your third year of college. And Yoongi automatically became part of your clique since he’s been Hobi’s best friend since their diaper days.

What you love about your dear friends is the balance. Hobi is the outgoing one of the group, you can say possibly the leader out of the four of you. Jennie is the voice of reason. Yoongi is the unique and spontaneous one. While you were the empath and the motherly one.

You all had roles in the group that it always worked out. And when you and/or Yoongi had significant others it only added to the group’s strength.

Which is why Yoongi had pushed for this blind date because he wanted you to be happy. He wanted the group to feel more complete. He was tired of being the other 3rd wheel to Hobi and Jennie’s dates. He wanted another buddy to drink with since Hobi was tied up.

And although you loved their relationship as well, you also wished for more. But in a different way. You thought that you didn’t need to add to your group. You could see yourself being with Yoongi, truly completing the group.

But he pushed for dates for you consistently as he had brought in some girls throughout the years. And you always said no, often being the 5th wheel. But you didn’t mind. Because you never felt that way, well not with Hobi and Jennie at least.

Some of the ladies Yoongi brought around were nice, but most of them just had no personality to them. But Yoongi couldn’t help it, he was quite the ladies man.

Which was part of the reason why you said yes to the blind date. Because you realized your feelings for Yoongi were getting too deep and you know that sooner or later he’s gonna end up in a legit relationship and you were scared you’d end up alone.

Sure it would hurt when you hear Hobi’s gossip about Yoongi’s sexcapades, but you also knew they wouldn’t last. So you kept Yoongi close, maybe a little too close.

Because sometimes when you catch him staring at you with those captivating brown eyes, or when he smiles from cheek to cheek and starts laughing at your jokes, or when he shows off his gummy smile, it drives you insane.

You’d risk it all if you could but you would never because 1) it would change the dynamic of your beloved friend group and 2) you’re certain he doesn’t feel the same way.

So as much as you’re dreading this blind date, you also told yourself you’ll go with the flow. You take your precious time getting ready while the guys are rummaging through your cabinets and fridge for food.

“_____ you have 20 more minutes!” Yoongi calls out when you’re just about done with your falsies. You sigh as you look at yourself in the mirror. You’re content with everything but the date itself.

“Just one night, so they can shut up for 4 months” you mouthed to yourself in the mirror before taking one final look. You grab the Gucci purse Jennie gifted you last Christmas.

You didn’t see Yoongi leaning against the door post with salt and vinegar chips in hand. “Wow” he says almost inaudibly, but you saw him through the mirror. You turn around to look at him.

“How do I look Yoongs?” You say swaying your body as you slowly turn around. He looks at you in the eyes and then to your figure before he approaches you.

“You look amazing” he manages to say moments after and you can’t help but feel butterflies in your stomach from the way he compliments you and the way he’s looking at you.

“I-I-I hope you have fun on your date ___” he stutters as he looks around your room instead of focusing on you, as if he was nervous himself.

“I highly doubt it but thank you Yoongi! What do you have planned for tonight?” You say giving him a not so innocent grin.

“Ehh Hobi and Jennie want me to tag along to meet up with some people at that one bar they frequent, but we’ll see” he says looking your way and down to your figure again.

Since you’ve known Yoongi, you’ve never caught him staring at you, so when you catch him in the act it gets both of you flustered. But you shake it off as you playfully smack him with the purse in your hand and you both laugh it off and head to the living room.

“Wow ____ you look great! If this date goes well you’ll finally end your dry spell!” Hobi says as he takes a good look at you. And for whatever reason you start to feel your cheeks start to blush.

You try to pretend you weren’t fazed and slap him on his shoulder out of spite. “You’re the worst, Jung Hoseok” you say before getting some water before heading out.

“Also, I know y’all are going out tonight but if worse comes to worse, can y’all pick me up?” You blurt out casually, chuckling out of nervousness. But in reality, you’re actually starting to feel nervous.

“You’re gonna be fine _____” Hobi says reassuringly. “We did a background check and everything” he says nonchalantly before opening a bag of cookies. The funny thing is you know he’s not lying. Because you know Jennie would do something like just because.

“Well boys, I’ll see y’all later! Wish me luck!” You say hesitantly, hoping they’d hear your unamused tone and save you from going. But as expected, they’re focused on whatever show is playing and munching away.

—

You quietly open the door to your apartment to see that it’s pitched black and you let out the sigh you’ve been holding in all night.

You instantly take off your heeled boots by the door and take off your coat as you make your way to lay on the couch.

You turn on the lamp before heading to the kitchen to grab some water, and just as you were able to sit you end up jumping, scared out of your mind to find someone laying on the couch.

“What the hell Yoongi!” you said startled as hell as you try to calm down your nerves.

He rubs his eyes a little before adjusting to the light. “Mmmm” is all he manages to say as he tries to wake himself and find the strength to make space for you.

“Wait” he says, straightening himself up and suddenly as alert as ever, “how was your date? Is he coming here? Oh shit” he says sitting up straight to straighten out the pillows on the couch.

“Yoongs, you’re okay” you say chuckling as you pat him on the shoulder. “No one’s coming over at this time” you said in a little more softer tone in hopes that he didn’t hear you.

You finally take a seat before stretching your legs on top of the coffee table and tilt your head backwards to rest on the couch.

“So, should I not ask how the date went?” Yoongi asks as he rests his arm behind you on the backside of the couch. And for whatever reason, he makes you a little speechless at this gesture.

You look at him trying to read his expression. He looks like he’s all ears, but you also don’t want him to be the first person you spill all the tea to, so you try to organize your thoughts.

“You can ask, Yoongi. You can literally ask me anything” you say as you raise your glass up to drink some water. And he knows that you mean that.

He looks at the clock on the wall and his eyes suddenly grow bigger. “Wait a damn minute, it’s only 9?! Why are you home?!” He says checking the time on his phone to make sure he’s not tripping.

“I cut that date short” you giggled right before taking another sip of water.

“But why ______?!” He says basically grabbing the couch from behind you. He looks like he’s ready to yell but holds in his breath.

“I wasn’t feeling it Yoongi, it’s that plain and simple” you say pouting suddenly. “He seemed really cool and I wish I could have tried harder.. but I don’t know..” you said thinking back to the date.

He was attractive. He was a gentleman. He was going somewhere in life. He had dreams and aspirations that almost aligned with yours. But in reality, he wasn’t Yoongi. And for whatever reason, how Yoongi stared at you earlier today replayed in your mind the hour and a half you were out.

But you’d never admit that to your inner circle, especially to Yoongi himself. So you take a deep breath and let out a sigh, hoping he would take the hint you were done with that conversation.

“Wait, if it’s only 9pm why were you KO’d on my couch and not out with our besties?” You say reaching for the bag of chips he was probably munching on before he knocked out.

He laughs and shrugs, “I wanted to nap before I went out with Hobi and Jennie” he says as he steals the chip from your hand.

You were a little sad to hear he was still planning on going out. You wanted to hear that he’d stay and comfort you after your failed attempt at a date. But you also know that would be asking for too much.

“Well, hopefully you have enough energy for tonight” you said, reaching in the bag for another chip or three before stuffing it into your mouth.

“Actually I don’t think I have the mental capacity to be out at a bar right now. But I wouldn’t say no to a nice walk around the neighborhood” he says nonchalantly. “You down?”

You look at him for a quick second and he begins looking at you with puppy eyes and a cute pout you can never refuse. “Fine, let me just change” you say as you head to your room.

Thankfully your apartment complex is gated and has its own park. You and Yoongi start your walk when he takes out a blunt and lights it. It’s something you both enjoy after a stressful day, especially after a day of helping Hobi and Jennie work through their issues.

With you and Yoongi, there’s never a time when it has been awkward between you two, except maybe now. You’re both extremely quiet, which is a first. You don’t know what to say and you feel that he has more questions but doesn’t want to pry.

After walking and sharing the blunt for five minutes, you decided to take initiative, “I appreciate you setting up the date Yoongs, and I’m sorry if this ruins your friendship with the guy” you say, chuckling nervously.

He takes a hit and takes in a deep breath before exhaling. “Was he a dick to you?” He asks, almost as if he was starting to get angry, which surprised you to say the least.

“Oh my gosh, no way. He was a gentleman through and through” you say reassuring your friend. “I swear he didn’t do anything weird or gross”.

He was then quiet again, and you wish you could read his mind at this point. You also wish that you can just be truthful. But you suppress those thoughts down the bottom of the barrel of your train of thoughts.

It was as if he was about to speak his mind, but instead he sighs and takes another hit. And then seconds later, another one.

“What’s wrong Yoongs?” You ask, hearing and seeing his change in demeanor. He straightens his posture up as you two continue on walking.

“I don’t want to say I’m upset because I’m not. But I swear he was the perfect match for you” he begins before he takes another hit. “He’s literally everything you want in a guy,” he says, almost sounding disappointed.

Your eyes widened at his confession. Why is he so affected? You try to gather your thoughts but you’re honestly dumbfounded. You find yourself grabbing the blunt, taking a couple of hits yourself.

“I know Yoongs. I have no idea what’s wrong with me” you admit. You take another hit when you notice that he’s walking closer to you now. And then suddenly he wraps his arm around you.

“Nothing’s wrong with you ____” is all he manages to say. He grabs the blunt from you and takes a hit still holding onto you. Your mind is going crazy but you’re trying to keep it cool.

“I think you’re amazing ____” he continues on as he passes you the blunt. And it’s as if he was suddenly aware of his arm holding on to you because he slowly drops it down back to his side.

“Thanks Yoongi” you say shyly as you playfully bump into him, missing the warmth his arm provided for you. You surprise yourself as you link your arm with his. But he doesn’t seem to mind.

For the rest of the walk, you take turns with the blunt while telling each other your worst dating experiences.

You make it back to your apartment and both of you are pretty high. He makes it back to the couch with the chips in one hand as he motions you to sit next to him with his other hand.

You and Yoongi have cuddled before, multiple times, high as a kite and usually you would think nothing of it. It’s just how your friendship worked, and it’s not like you’ve ever kissed or anything.

But as he’s picking some random documentary on Netflix, your mind starts playing tricks on you. Does it feel different to him as well or are you just too emotional right now?

You quietly sigh as you rest your head on his shoulder and his arm is suddenly wrapped around you. Then you realize that his hand is slowly lowering, from your shoulder to your elbow and now close to your waist.

Stop trippin’ you say to yourself as you try your hardest to focus on the documentary, completely unaware of what’s going on.

Yoongi rests his head on yours, squeezing your side a little more intently and you can’t remember if he’s done this before or if you’re just caught up in your feels. But every single movement, every little thing he’s doing is driving you crazy.

“Hey ______” he says, lifting his head up and moving his hand away from you to take a good look at you. You hold back your sigh from instantly missing the warmth of his hold and look at him.

“Yes Yoongi?” You respond back with half a smile on your face. And as you take a good look at him, it’s an expression you’ve never seen.

“What are you looking for in a guy?” He says after hesitating for a moment. Your eyes grow big at this sudden question and realize you may be too high to answer this appropriately.

“Hmm” you say, placing your index finger on your chin. As you look at Yoongi, you see that he’s watching you very carefully.

“I want a man who won’t complete me but complement me” you say and pause trying to think of more. He shifts his body so that he’s completely facing you and you automatically lose your train of thought.

He leans in closer looking into your gaze, as if he was searching for something only your eyes can answer.

“Do you think we complement each other ____?” He asks suddenly and you swear your heart skipped a beat.

You avoid his eyes for a minute to look past him. You feel the temperature rising and a ball of anxiety form in your chest. Why is he asking you these questions? But before you can answer his question he grabs one of your hand with his.

“I think we complement each other _____” he says and squeezes your hand. “I think we complement each other more than we know”.

You’re speechless and motionless. Is he really telling you this right now or are you dreaming this?

“_______, I set up your date with the intent of helping you find your soulmate. But as soon as you walked out the door earlier, I realized that it was a mistake” he says. He lets go of your hand but keeps his eyes focused on you.

You find the strength to meet his gaze that was full of desperation. What was he implying?

“What are you saying Yoongi?” You ask, holding your gaze on him.

He holds out his hand and helps you to straddle over his thighs and makes you lean closer to him.

“I want you _____. I want you for myself” he says as he rests both of his hands on your waist.

If your heart could explode at any time, it would be now. You look at him and see a whole new side of Yoongi you’ve never seen. His eyes have darkened, and his usual fluffy expression is now replaced with this new sexy look.

“Do you want me too?” He asks, letting go of his hold, suddenly afraid of overstepping boundaries.

You gently lift your hips only to carefully roll them on his lap and wrap both of your arms around his shoulders, leaning to one side of his head.

“There’s only one person I’ve ever wanted,” you whisper into his ear before caressing his hair from the back of his head.

And that was all it took for him to delve his lips to yours. His soft lips meet yours and it sends electricity all over your body.

He grabs your face with one hand as his other hand makes way to your ass, giving you permission to follow his lead. But instead you lean back a little to catch your breath.

“All I wanted was you Min Yoongi” you confess before reeling back into the kiss. And it ignites something in both of you because now you’re both deepening the kiss.

He gently bites your lower lip and you instantly moan. You just want him to devour you. He’s licking your bottom lip with his tongue making you moan once again before his tongue meets yours.

And soon enough you’re rolling your hips, wanting more. He grabs your ass with both hands to help relieve the tension while all focusing on the kiss.

You pull on his hair, making him moan from the sudden gesture and it drives both of you insane.

He moves his hands up to the hem of your sweater and begins lifting it, but you stop him before he can take it off.

“Wait” you say trying to catch your breath. “I want you.. in my room” you say. He licks his lips and nods. He watches you carefully get off his lap. You grab hold of his hand and lead him to your room.

You quickly shut the door behind you before leading Yoongi closer to your bed. You would do anything to be on his lap again. But before you can even do that, you take off your sweater fully exposing your top half to him.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous _____. I swear you’ll be the death of me” he says mimicking your gesture as he starts taking off his clothes.

In a matter of seconds, all that’s left is your panties and his boxers and it is very evident that he’s horny for you. His dick is still constrained yet he looks huge.

You step towards him to help take off his boxers as you’re more than curious to see all of him. But before you can do anything he grabs you and pushes you onto your bed.

“Baby” he says, with a sexy grin on his face, “let me cater to you” he says as you’re sitting on the edge of the bed.

Your mind goes blank for a second, unsure of how to respond, but he takes the lead and begins pulling down your panties.

“So fucking gorgeous” Yoongi whispers as he kneels down. He can’t help but stare at your body. “Do you know how many times I’ve dreamt about this? About you?” He says, licking his lips as he parts your thighs before locking his gaze to yours.

He caresses your thighs very slightly yet it still sends shivers throughout your body. This man will be the death of me, you think to yourself.

He leans in closer and kisses the inside of your thighs. You can’t contain it anymore as you lean back on your elbows, biting your lower lip to hold yourself back from screaming.

“You’re so fucking wet baby” he says as he touches your folds with his index and middle finger. Your eyes roll back from the sensation.

He begins rubbing your clit and this time you don’t hold back as you moan from the pleasure of someone else’s hand.

“Fuck, that feels so good” you manage to say, which is all he wanted to hear. He rubs your clit a little faster now and you try to grab tight to anything. It feels so damn good you never want him to stop.

But he does. And you can’t help but gasp at the sudden loss of pleasure. You look down and all you see is his dark orbs and a mischievous grin.

“If you want more baby, you need to beg,” he says as he kisses your inner thigh.

“I need you Min Yoongi. I need you right now” you beg. He looks up to you with the most devious smirk before he kisses your core.

He then begins to suck on and lick your clit carefully and you can’t help but moan his name. His dick twitches from hearing you and he begins to fasten the pace.

You can’t help but squirm and moan as you basically thrust yourself onto his face. He’s striking every nerve and all you can do at this point is moan and hold tight to the sheets.

“Fuck, right there” you say leaning your head back. He then inserts his index finger into your core, making your eyes roll back.

“Fuck, fuck, that feels so good” you say as you try to level out your breathing. Your pussy clenches around his finger as he begins thrusting it in and out of you.

“You like that baby?” He says as he adds his middle finger. And all you can do is moan in reply.

“I want you to cum for me” he says as he quickens the pace with his fingers, reaching deeper into you. And he shifts his focus from your core to your clit in an instance.

Your pussy is clenching and your toes are curling and you try to grab anything at this point as your orgasm gets the best of you. Satisfied and pleased in ways you haven’t been, you continue to moan as your orgasm takes over you.

“Fuck you’re so hot baby” Yoongi says wiping off your juice from his mouth with the backside of his hand.

You lay down all the way, trying to recover from your high when you feel pressure as Yoongi hovers over you.

“I’m not done with you yet baby” he says with the same grin on his face from earlier. He grabs your face and gently kisses you and you feel his hardened length by your core.

He adds more weight onto you as he kisses your neck down to your collarbone. With one hand by your head and his focus on your collarbone, you try to reach for his length, making him grunt.

“Lay on your back” you say as you grab onto his shoulders. You both get up quickly and readjust so that he’s resting his head on your pillows.

You waste no time and pull down his boxers seeing his dick in all its glory and you’re basically drooling.

“Fuck” you sigh at the sight of his dick and you lick your lips. You look up to Yoongi’s face and all you see is lust as he rests his hands behind his head.

You move so that you’re in between his legs and grab hold of his length, grabbing it at the base. You begin pumping his length, carefully admiring it when you hear him grunting.

“Fuck baby” he says trying to keep his eyes open. But your touch is driving him insane and you’ve barely begun.

You offer him a smirk before lowering yourself so that your face is right by his length. You quickly look up and you just know Yoongi is about to lose it.

You take in his length inch by inch, licking it as you lower yourself. Your core clenches, wanting to feel him inside you already, but you know that it’ll be worth the wait.

“Your mouth feels so good baby,” he says, biting his lower lip. You quickly look up and you wish you could savor this forever.

You grab his thigh with one hand and take in his length again, slowly trying to take in as much as you can. You gag when you reach your limit, causing him to moan out your name.

“Fuck baby” he says trying to reach for your head. He pulls on your hair while you continue sucking him off.

You fasten your pace, and you’re using one of your hands and the moans that are coming out of his mouth is like music to your ears.

You would let him cum in your mouth, shit, you would let him cum anywhere, but he stops you from going any further.

You sit up to see him out of breath and he motions for you to lay right next to him. But instead you straddle him by his thighs. His eyes lit up for a second as you began rubbing your clit, not that you need to because you’re soaking wet.

You lift yourself up and grab hold of his length from underneath you.

“Baby, you’re so fucking hot” he says as he grabs hold of your hip.

You look up at him as he stares at his length. You hold his forearm and gently lower yourself onto him, making both of you grunt.

You’re both morning and swearing as he fills you up and you try to sit up as straight as you can to maintain the control. You lift yourself up and thrust down to feel him fill you.

“Fuck” he says trying to stay focused. But he can’t help but close his eyes at the pleasure he feels.

You lean forward, as your hands grab hold of his chest and you begin riding him. And fuck does it feel good. You quicken your pace when grabs hold of your hips and begins thrusting himself into you from underneath.

“Damn baby, you have no idea how good you feel” he says as he squeezes your hips tightly. You smirk and let go of his chest to lean backwards, grabbing one of his thighs.

You’re both moaning at this new angle and he grabs one of your breasts, punching one of your nipples, and you can’t help but moan and curse.

“Slow down baby” he says trying to slow you down. “I don’t want to cum just yet,” he says.

You lift yourself off of him and softly kiss him, both of you out of breath. You look at him and say, “I want you to fuck me from behind Min Yoongi” and his eyes lit up again.

You move to the other side of the bed, on all fours, arching your back as he positions you so he can stand on the ground while you’re still on the bed.

“Fuck _______, you’re perfect” he says holding on to your ass.

“So” he says as he smacks your right cheek “fucking” smacks your right cheek again “perfect” he says and grabs your hips.

He aligns his length at your entrance and you moan, missing the feeling of him inside you. But before he does anything else, he leans forward to kiss your back.

He slips himself in and slowly fills you up. Your eyes roll back for the umpteenth time, feeling so full in this new position. You moan into your pillow as he begins thrusting himself into you.

“Oh fuck” you say, screaming into the pillow as he suddenly quickens to a relentless pace. You’re grabbing tight to your pillow and feel pleasure with each thrust.

“You like how that feels baby?” He says while grunting. You let out a loud moan in response.

But suddenly he gathers and grabs your hair, “answer me with your words baby” he says, pulling it tighter and you’re forced to lift your body a little.

“It feels fucking amazing” you say panting in between your words. His thrust reaches deeper making you moan louder. He pulls your hair and helps you lift yourself up without messing up his rhythm.

“Fuck baby” he says with one hand now on your back. You can tell he’s close to reaching his high as his thrusts gets a little more sloppier.

So you rest on one elbow and begin rubbing your clit with your other hand. The increased pleasure causes you to moan even louder which drives Yoongi crazy.

He lets go of your hair and your upper body instantly falls on the bed. He grabs your hips tightly as his thrusts become more stronger.

You’re rubbing yourself at a faster pace as you feel your orgasm approaching when suddenly you feel Yoongi smacking your ass.

“Shit, you’re so tight baby. I’m not gonna last” he says, smacking your flesh once again, trying to maintain the pace.

He spreads your legs apart a little more and deepens his thrust in hopes you’d reach your climax before he does. He slows his pace down as you rub your clit faster.

“Cum for me baby” he says, holding you down and you begin moaning relentlessly feeling your orgasm approaching. Your pussy starts clenching around his dick and  all that you hear are both of your moans and skin slapping against skin. You start backing yourself up into him.

“Fuuuuuuuuuck” Yoongi says, trying so hard to not cum before you.

And suddenly your orgasm crashes over you like a wave. Yoongi pulls out and finishes off all over your back. You both are out of breath but feel so satisfied.

Yoongi steps out of your room to grab a towel for each of you.

You scoot up on your bed before your head crashes into the pillow, exhausted but content. Yoongi finishes cleaning himself and carefully joins you.

“Yoongs?” You ask calmly. You turn to face him, aware that you’re both naked and exposed.

“Yes _______?” He answers back. He leans in to kiss your forehead.

“You complement me more than anyone I know” you say almost in a whisper, tucking your hair behind your ear.

You both can’t help but smile before closing your eyes, and he pulls you closer so that you’re cuddled up closely.

You’re thankful for the failed blind date, because in the end, it led you to the right person, the only person you’ve ever wanted.

[lo-frequency]

Hello, how are you?! May I please request Shinsou with a chubby/ plus size Female S/O? I adore that you do plus size content and I love body positivity content as well!! Thank you💗

Hey, I’m doing great, thanks for asking! Can I also add how cool it is to see you on my blog? I’ve read your work before, and from one creator to another, thank you for the love and support and keep doing your thing 💕! Anyways, this post is Long enough w/o this author’s note...I kinda wrote a fic in headcanon form so w/o further ado, please enjoy your request: 

-Of course, just like the rest of the characters, he would not place much importance on your body type

-He knows what it’s like to be ostracized for a trait people consider undesirable, so how could he do the same thing to you? 

-I think that because Shinsou is so focused on his goals, he probably wouldn’t be actively considering/seeking a relationship, so it would have to be you who showed interest first. 

-Like imagine, you’re in the same class and he was so cool you couldn’t help but develop feelings for him, admiring him from afar. During class, your eyes wander to him and sometimes he’ll catch your longing stare. 

-The first few times he caught you staring, he figured it was for the same reason everyone else does- you were watching for any signs of villainy, just waiting for him to slip up and prove them right 

-But with how flustered you always get when he meets your eyes and how your friends tease you whenever it happens, he begins to suspect it’s something else. Hm, interesting.

-He began to openly stare at you too, to test his theory, and the day you hesitantly smiled back confirmed what he was thinking: you must like him.

-Shinsou turned around in his seat, his subtle smirk hidden behind the hand on his chin. A girl, liking him? It’s not that he thought he was undesirable, quite the contrary actually (y’all keep sleeping on this man 👀), he’s just not used to the attention. 

-He thought about what to do, now that he was aware of his little admirer. He didn’t really have any friends at U.A., now all of a sudden there’s someone crushing on him? He glanced back at you again, just quick enough to see your eyes dart from his. Cute. Maybe he could try to get to know you, at least? 

-Now, Shinsou is an introvert, but definitely not shy...so when he comes up to your desk one day during break, you nearly choke on your own heart. “Hey,” he says, scratching at the back of his neck, “couldn’t help but notice you staring.” While you tried to stutter out a frantic apology, his lips eased into their usual smirk. 

-And your relationship took off from there. Talking in class and eating lunch together progressed to hanging out after school, and eventually you found yourself sitting with him at a park, about to confess your feelings. 

-The frustrating thing about Shinsou was that you were certain he knew you liked him, but never acted on it. He was the one that initiated your friendship, but had left everything up to you since then. Acting as if he was oblivious to your real feelings. 

-If it wasn’t for that, you wouldn’t be feeling so nervous right now. Shinsou was usually straightforward, so was this a sign he didn’t feel the same way? After all...you were heavier than most of the girls in your class, a fact that always lingered in the back of your mind when you were with him. “Hitoshi…” you started, looking up at him from your place on your shared park bench. Shinsou met your eyes, silent as he watched you fidget with your skirt. His keen purple irises remained neutral as they flickered over your features. You were sure you probably looked as self-conscious as you felt, but there was no going back now.

- “I’m, I’m sure you know this already but I like you.” you let out in a rush, your eyes darting from his as you said it. When he didn’t say anything, you felt the need to keep talking “I’ve liked you since before we met. You’re so smart and cool that I couldn’t believe you came up to talk to me that day. I was so happy,” you say with a short laugh, “and after spending time with you, my feelings only grew...so, d-do you wanna try going out with me, Toshi?” you ask, still picking at your skirt. 

-“Yeah, I’d like that,” he replied with a soft smile, “It’s about time you finally asked me.” 

-So he did know! But more importantly, “Really? You wouldn’t mind...someone like me?” you gestured to yourself vaguely, too embarrassed to openly ask if he minded your weight. 

-Hitoshi squinted at you. “You mean a really hot girl with brains to match? Nah, I don’t think so.” Cue the smirk. 

-Well, that sure answered your question. 

NOW, onto these relationship headcanons (congrats, you earned these 💀) 

-As your boyfriend, Hitoshi would be even more blunt with you than usual, and that includes with his compliments. He’d shamelessly admire your figure, seeing no reason to hold back now that y’all were official. Expect those lidded eyes to drink in those thick thighs, plush waist, and full bosom (in that order) every time you enter or leave a room. 

-Eye contact, eye contact until you get flustered and trip over your words, until you feel like the only girl in the world, until you can’t see anything but him. 

-He doesn’t make a big deal out of your relationship at school, but does enjoy flaunting how close you two are. Makes a point to do everything with you, it’s you and Shinsou against the world in his mind. 

-Speaking of school, I think he’s one of those people who likes it when other people crush on his s/o. Likes it when other people notice exactly how attractive you are, but guess what? You’re all his. He’ll sit back and watch those poor, lovesick saps drool over you and think about how lucky he is. He’ll definitely share his appreciation for you later, too ;) 

-Squeezes you tight during hugs, so he can feel all of your softness against him, reveling in your warmth and how comfortable you make him. Has a habit of squeezing your sides during side-hugs, and smiles at the little sound you make. 

-Will sometimes throw and arm around your waist as you two walk together, thumb mindlessly caressing your hip 

-Loves it when you press against him while y’all are sitting together, something about your warmth and weight against him puts him right to sleep.

-Anyone who has anything to say about you or your relationship is getting their feelings hurt by Toshi. He’d tell you not to dwell on it too much afterwards, but you can tell it bothered him more than it did you by the way he kept randomly grumbling about it on the way home. 

-You’re his other half, and anyone who messes with his baby is messing with him, period. 

[the-witty-pen-name]

Deadbeat Pt. 1

Lee Bodecker x F!Reader

18+ ONLY

Warnings: age gap (reader is 21), smut/masturbation (implied/mild), cursing, abandonment, infatuation, alcohol, cheating, violence?, mild housewife kink? 

Word Count: 4.3k

Summary: You work at the bar at the edge of town, the Sheriff is going through a divorce and needs to rent a room. 

A/N: I’m terrible at writing summaries and I’m so sorry about that! I don’t think I would consider this a dark!fic, but it does cover a lot of themes, and topics that are darker than I usually write about- but I think that comes with the territory of writing about Lee Bodecker. I’ll make sure to update the warnings for each chapter and do not read if you are underage. I also ignored canon for this one.

There are no tags on this one, because no one has specifically asked to be tagged on smut fics and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable!

I hope you all enjoy!

Tags and Requests are OPEN

“Get out of here Lee,” you spat, pointing to the door he just walked into the bar from. “You swore to Janie you wouldn’t touch a drop.” 

“C’mon (y/n),” he said sitting at the bar anyways, a smug grin on his face, making you scoff. 

“I ain’t having anything to do with you breaking your promise to that lovely woman,” you say confirming your point. You wipe your hands on the towel that was hanging from your apron. 

“Jack and coke?” He asks, looking at you with eyes that would be endearingly puppy dog if it weren’t Lee Bodecker. You shook your head. 

“A coke it is,” you say and he gives up trying for now. He regrets telling you on his last visit he’d be swearing off drinking cause Janie finally threatened to throw him out. 

You slide a glass bottle of Coca-Cola down the length of the bar to Lee and he grinds his teeth slightly. The sugar was always his temporary fix. You also sent down his way a small bowl of roasted peanuts, feeling bad for the mess of a man. 

“She’s gonna leave me anyways,” he grumbles and you shake your head, picking up on his attempts to illicit sympathy to coax you into giving him a drop of anything. 

“Stop giving her a reason to Lee,” you point out, gesturing with your hands to emphasize that he was in the same small bar on the edge of town he always wandered into on weeknights. He’d tell Janie he was on duty but he’d really be down in this little box of a building getting drunk as a stunk. 

“She’s the one who gone and cheated,” Lee said in an angry tone, not towards you, just at his situation. “That Miller fellow living a few miles down from me. I see his truck parked outside my house plenty of times to know he’s not just being neighborly.” 

“I’m sorry Lee,” you say with a genuine tone of sympathy. You felt for him and his pain. You knew the stress of the job he led and the pain of knowing the love of your life don’t love you. 

“She’s going to leave me,” he says, staring intently at the condensation on the bottle in front of him. “I’d been trying so hard for her and our marriage and she’s two timing with the neighbor when I’m out working.” 

“And the thing is I don’t even care if she cheated,” Lee continued, “I’d look the other way if I knew she’d be staying with me. But it’s cause I know she don’t love me anymore. That’s what’s hurting me most.” 

“Maybe y’all can work through this-“ 

“This was inevitable,” he says, cutting you off. You don’t point it out, cause he’s clearly distressed but normally you’d have no problem saying to Lee ‘Fuck you, let me finish Sheriff.’ 

“Do you got somebody?” Lee asks you. The question takes you back cause it wasn’t like the Sheriff to ask your about anything personal. He would come in, and you’d shoot the shit, exchange small talk, maybe some harmless flirting for a larger tip, but that was the extent of it. 

“No, not anymore,” you say, having recently broke things off with your boyfriend. “I was seeing Arvin Russell for a couple months, but we just broke it off.” 

“You’re too good for him anyways,” the sheriff scoffed at the mention of the Russell boy and took another swing from his bottle of pop. “How old are you anyways, sweetheart?” 

“Twenty-one,” you respond, not thinking too much about the nickname. He had a habit of frequently using names like that when he talked to the women in this town. You think it started out as a tactic to win re-election and then it just stuck. He nodded. 

“Yeah you two are around the same age,” he said, more so thinking out loud than it being a statement directed towards you. “Why’d you break it off?” 

“Beat up my brother,” you answered, “Granted, the little shit had it coming. Can’t blame Arvin after I heard how the asshole was bothering that sweet thing Lenora. But he just took it too far. Almost killed the kid. The boy saw red so I got myself out of the picture. You can’t be with a boy who does that to your kin.” 

Lee nodded understandingly. You didn’t interpret his actions or questions as genuine concern or interest in you, but that he was just asking you questions to distract from his marital woes. 

“I’d do so many things different if I could be your age again,” he chuckled in a self-deprecating tone. “I’d sure as hell love to turn back time and have myself go down a better path.” 

“It’s not just you, Sheriff,” you reply after collecting money another man sitting at the bar. You nod as a goodbye to the man, and then curse under your breath when he doesn’t tip you. “Asshole,” you mumble, tossing the few pennies into the tip jar. You walk back over to the sheriff and prop your elbows on the bar. “I’m sure everyone is this town wishes the same thing,” you say, trying to make him feel better. 

“I’d love to just be your age again,” he says with a sigh, and then pops a small handful of the peanuts in his mouth. “Young, got your whole life ahead of you.” 

“I’m not sure working in a place like this is setting me up for great things, Sheriff,” you chuckle moving to wipe the bar in the area where that other customer left. “A woman working as a bartender is equivalent to just being a whore according to the eyes of the Lord... at least in this town,” you laugh, using the towel from your apron to wipe the rings left behind on the countertop from the glasses. 

“Arvin didn’t think so,” Lee countered, trying to make you feel a little better about your position. “I don’t think so. Hell, people in this town are so uptight about things that aren’t their business. You’re young, you need a job and you have one. It’s that simple.” 

“I wish more people in this town thought that way,” you reply with a smile. “That new preacher last Sunday-“ 

“Don’t listen to that asshole,” the Sheriff scoffed, and chuckled when your eyes widened at his derogatory words towards the preacher. “He’s a showboating son of a bitch and he’s as phony as they come.” 

“Those ruffled shirts are the most pretentious thing I ever seen,” you say, letting out a big laugh thinking about when he is giving a sermon in what looks like tacky prom attire. 

“Pay him no mind,” Lee said, bringing the bottle to his grinning lips as he looked at you. “You’re a better person than he is.” 

“I appreciate the sentiment,” you chuckle. 

“Have a goodnight hunny,” another customer at the bar says dropping cash on the table as they leave. “Goodnight Sheriff,” the older man tips his hat and then walks out. 

“Have a goodnight Marvin,” you call after him, “Give my love to Loretta!” You clear the empty glass and drop the cash off in the register. 

While you’re moving around, Lee takes a moment to actually look at you. Any man with eyes knew you were pretty, but he ain’t never noticed before just how attractive you were. His eyes lingered for a moment at how the canvas waist apron extenuated your figure. He couldn’t believe this stunning young thing was stuck in a place like this with a dead end job talking to a deadbeat like him. 

“How long you staying for Sheriff?” You ask suddenly, pulling him out of his trance. 

“Uh, not sure,” he says, looking up at the dingy Luger Beer clock that hung on the wall. “Why sugar?” 

“Seeing as though your sober I was hoping I could trouble you for a ride home?” You ask shyly. 

“Of course,” he said without hesitation. “No trouble at all honey.”

“Thank you, Lee,” you say with a smile, making his heart skip a beat. 

He’d talk to you most weeknights and never had this feeling. Maybe he had but he was too wrapped up in his own troubles to notice it. You were such a sweet girl, and he realized what an injustice it truly was for you to be stuck here. 

The thought crossed his mind very quickly about if he wasn’t married- even though he knew divorce was coming around the corner any day now. If he had met you at a different time in his life if it would’ve been better. Instead of meeting you as an overweight, deadbeat of a sheriff which a drinking problem- he’d met you when he was fresh out of school, same age you are now. You all coulda fallen in love, started a family, and that would’ve been enough to keep him from taking up drinking in the first place. 

He knew from the beginning Janie ain’t ever loved him. Hell, he’s not sure if he ever loved her thinking back on the whole relationship. Lustful, without any sort of promise behind it and they both were users. They used each other. He knew he treated her poorly as poorly as she treated him. He definitely had loved her, that much he knew was true, but now she’s cheating- something Lee never thought of doing at all no matter how many fights they had until the early morning hours.  

As you maneuvered around behind the bar, locking up the liquor and wiping down the machines getting ready to lock up for the night, his mind played little tricks on him. The canvas apron was instead a pinafore, and the bar was his kitchen. He’d loved the sight, thinking about coming home to you instead of what was soon to just be an empty house. 

Hell, he wasn’t even sure if he’d even be the one to keep his house. The idea of finding a new house- buying one for you, and being able to start over sounded like a dream life. Hell, he’d run away from this town right now if you said the word. He’s sure he could secure an election in another town, he had the connections to make it happen. 

“I just got to lock up the office and I’ll be ready to go,” you say, untying your apron. He gulps and nods as confirmation. You disappear in the back room, cash drawer in your arms to lock away in the safe. He heads behind the bar to dispose of his empty bottle and the cardboard tray his peanuts were in. 

You come back, your peacoat buttoned and the sash tied around your waist in a bow you had made. You had a small handbag in one hand, and your work apron in the other. Suddenly, he was nervous and didn’t know how to carry himself around you. Undeniably, the Sheriff was developing a crush. He couldn’t shake the feeling. He wanted to ask you out on a proper date, but he knew with his age and reputation- it wouldn’t be fitting. He was moving way too fast in his own mind to keep up with. Just daydreams, he thought to himself, suppressing the thoughts of a future with you for now.

“Okay,” you said, giving the place one more once over to make sure it was all set. “That does it.”

“After you,” he said, holding the door open for you. You giggled, and once you both were outside, you used your key to lock the front door. He held the door open for you to take the passenger seat in the cruiser. As you buckled your seatbelt, he walked over to the driver’s side and then slide into his seat.

You were a little nervous. You weren’t sure why. This wasn’t the first time you’d asked for a ride home. Usually, it’s never this late. When you close, you usually walk home alone. You definitely didn’t live that far, but again that was more dangerous than getting a ride home.

You realized that you were worried about nothing. You thought maybe some would accuse you of something scandalous, getting a ride home from a man so late. However, this was the Sheriff and the streets didn’t have another car on it at all. The town knew where you worked and if anyone were to see you, they’d know you were closing shift and you asked for a ride to avoid walking home this late alone.

“Thank you again,” you said, starting up a conversation as the sheriff was backing out of the tiny lot that was next to the bar.

“Oh, don’t mention it, hun,” he said, “It’s my job to make sure you get home safe. Your house is the white one at the end of Birch?”

“The very one,” you say, looking out the window. There aren’t any street lights, and the only light for miles is coming from the headlights of the cruiser. You don’t catch Lee stealing glances at you as he starts moving forward.

“How’s your ma doing?” He asks, making conversation.

“Oh, she left,” you said nonchalantly, and it makes Lee’s eyebrow raise in confusion.

“Wait. What?” He asks looking over at you for a second before turning his eyes back to the road.

“Oh, I thought you would’ve heard,” you say softly, your façade of indifference torn down. “She left us about a month ago. Met a man from Columbus and moved in with him. The whole town was talking about it for weeks.”

“So, is it just you and Tommy now?” he asks, wondering what kind of a mother leaves her girl to take care of her high school aged brother on what she makes at the bar.

“Oh, he went with her,” you explain, “House is all mine. After the whole thing with Arvin, she decided to pull him out of school and he goes to school in Columbus now. She wasn’t gonna bring him but after that, she changed her mind.”

“They just left you?”

“I chose to stay.”

“No offense but why would the hell would you chose to do that?” he jokes, making you laugh a little.

“It’s all paid off, and my grandpa left it to me and not her anyways,” you explain. “House has been in my name for three years now. And if we sold the house, she’d just piss the money away. Besides, would you move back in your mother now, Sheriff?”

“No, I can’t say I would want to,” he chuckles.

“So, I’m just supporting myself and that ain’t too bad,” you shrug.

“Sounds lonely,” he comments and you nod in agreement.

“It can be,” you admit, as he turns down your street.

“You ain’t worried living alone?” He asks.

“You tell me, Sheriff,” you joke, “If I got something to worry about it sounds like you’re not doing your job.”

“Ouch,” he says and holds a hand clutching his hand to his heart dramatically. It made you laugh, and it made him smile that he made you laugh. God, he loved your laugh.

“Thank you again, Lee,” you say sincerely, quickly kissing his cheek when he parks in front of your house. The gesture takes him back, and he’s relieved you can’t see how red his face is. He’s almost angry at how flustered you make him and you have no idea. “Have a goodnight,” you say.

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” he says, a little shakily. You get out of the car, and he watches you walk up to the porch, your hips swaying naturally, and he bites his lip. He groans, but at his disappointment in himself for staring again. You disappear behind the front door and he hits his palm on the steering wheel, trying to shake whatever feeling this was.

He reluctantly drove home, not wanting to have to talk or see Janie. He knew he was just heading home to a fight for being out so late, even though he knows she takes full advantage having fucking Miller over. His jaw is locked, angry about a fight he hasn’t even had with her yet. His cheek still tingles from your touch, and he thinks about if he should just leave Janie. He could just leave, get an apartment nearby or something. He doesn’t even care if she gets the damn house. He’s bracing himself for another night of fighting as he pulls into his own driveway and heading up to his own house.

He fumbles with his keys in the dark. He thinks he had the right one, but it doesn’t work. He tries another that is the same shape, still doesn’t work. He intakes a sharp breath and tries the first key again- he’s positive that’s his house key. “Fucking Christ,” he mutters when the key won’t even go into the lock. “Janie!” he shouts, pounding on the front door. She changed the locks.

“Fuck,” he exclaims, stomping down the front steps and walking around to the back door. He tries his keys again with no luck. He pounds into the door hard and incredibly loud. He knows she’s there, upstairs in their bed, ignoring his knocks. He tries the kitchen window, but it’s locked. Every window on the first floor is fucking locked. He curses again and heads back to his cruiser. He slams the door shut and his grip on the wheel is turning his knuckles white. Does she expect him to sleep in his car in the driveway?

He doesn’t even think about where he’s going to go, but he knows damn sure he’s not going to give her the satisfaction of sleeping outside of his house in his cop car for the whole town to talk about. He just pulls out of his driveway and starts driving. He isn’t even thinking about what route he’s driving, it’s like he’s driving on autopilot while he screams out every curse word in existence.

By the time he calms down, he realizes he’s driving down Birch again. His muscles in his body tense, and he thinks back to your conversation when he dropped you off. Your mother and brother were gone, meaning you have two spare bedrooms. He knows he shouldn’t but the temptation is way too overwhelming. He has nowhere else to go. If someone saw his car… well, he’d worry about that tomorrow. Your house is two miles away from your nearest neighbor, settled back at the end of a long dirt road. Someone knowing he was there was unlikely. He had people who could save your name. It was all innocent. Janie kicked him out and he knew you had an extra room. Hell, he’d rent a room from you- Wait. That’s perfect. That solved all of his problems and yours. He knows you were downplaying how hard it must be to keep up with the house and by him paying rent, you could take care of the house. It was a win-win.

He felt so confident now and he was so proud of himself for devising this plan. He parked his car out front and then walked up to your front door, knocking gently. The sound of the knock made him now incredibly nervous. He didn’t want to scare you or for you to think he was trying to take advantage. Granted, there would be a lot more than financial benefits to being able to live with you, which he knew were selfish, but the idea of being able to see you everyday was overwhelming. It was the closest thing to the dream he was wrapped up in back at the bar. He could live out his little pretend domestic bliss, and you’d get the money you need for the house. He knew he was insane and this was probably wildly inappropriate, but he knew you were too kind to turn him away.

You opened the door with a small yawn, a yellow bathrobe secured over your nightgown fully, to keep yourself decent when you answered the door. You were going to call the Sheriff when you heard the rapping at your door so late and ignore the knocks, but looking out the window of your bedroom you saw it was Lee’s cruiser parked outside.

“Lee?” you ask quietly, sleepiness very evident on your mumbled voice.

“Janie kicked me out,” he said softly, “Changed the locks on me. Darling, I’m so sorry for intruding but I have no where else to go.”

“Come in,” you say sympathetically, the news waking you up quite a bit. “Lee, I’m so sorry. You can take my mom’s old room; it’s got an attached bathroom you can use too.”

 “Thank you (Y/N),” he says quietly. You close the door and secure the lock and the chain again as he looks around the house.

“Don’t worry about it,” you insist. “I can take you there. Follow me.”

You walk up the stairs, Lee following closely behind and he’s ashamed that he took the opportunity to just openly check you out again. At the top of the stairs there was a hallway lined with photographs in mismatched frames. You point to the door at the end of the hall.

“That’s the master,” you explain, “There’s a bathroom attached inside if you want to clean up or anything. There’re clothes in the dresser if you want pajamas- should be in the bottom drawer.”

“Okay, thank you,” he replies, looking down at you as you yawn again, and he notices how your hair is a little messy. The sight drives him wild.

“Anything in the kitchen is up for the taking to,” you offer.

“Look, (Y/N),” he says, “I know this isn’t the best time to be talking about this, but I really need a more permanent plan on where to go. I know it sounds crazy and out of the blue, but could I rent that room from you? Name your price. I figured… I really need a new place, and you could probably use another source of income to keep up with the house. Plus, it’s safer than living alone…”

“Um…,” you begin to speak, but you bit your lip, showing that you’re intently thinking about his offer. Everything he said was right. You needed the money, and he was right that living alone was dangerous in this town and living with the sheriff is the safest person there was in the whole town. People would talk, of course, but no one would deny that the circumstances were just ideal for the two of you and nothing more. You were an adult, a homeowner, and it was your business who you rented a room too. “Yeah, I think that makes sense for both of us,” you agree. “We’ll sort out the details tomorrow.”

“Of course,” he says with a smile.

“Alright, um,” you say crossing your arms around your chest awkwardly. “Goodnight, Lee.”

“Goodnight, (Y/N),” Lee responds as you head back into your own bedroom. He let’s out a heavy sigh and heads into your mom’s room- or rather his new room. He’d have to figure out how to get his stuff back from Janie tomorrow. He’d really just need his clothes and some other necessities. 

The room was fairly spacious. There was a closet and dresser. The closet still had some clothes of your mom’s left behind, and for the most part, the room looked fairly intact. It was like she up and left with just a few things. Lee shook his head, angry at how poorly you were treated by your mother. He pulls off his leather jacket, tossing it and his hat onto the bed. He opened up the bottom drawer of the dresser, and just like you said, it was filled with men’s clothing. He concluded they had to belong to the man your mom lived with now, more things just left behind.

He tosses a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt onto the bed, and then he heads to the bathroom.

In the drawer beside the sink, he finds a new toothbrush still in its packaging, that he opens for himself and drops it in the white toothbrush holder on the counter. The towels are all clean and folded neatly on the shelf above the toilet. He finds a new soap under the sink as well, and decided he needed a shower to just wash off everything of tonight off in hopes he’ll feel better.

He strips of his uniform, folding it nicely knowing he’ll need to wear it all again tomorrow morning. He steps into the shower and turns on the water. The hot water just immediately helps him to loosen the muscles that had been so tense. He lets the warm water run down his face and back, just letting himself enjoy the feeling. He lathers up his body with soap and then it finally hits him that he was here, living with you, and then suddenly he’s hard.

“Fuck,” he mutters, resting his head against the shower wall, the running down his back. He was in so much trouble he realizes. As he beats himself off in the shower, his mind is clouded with thoughts of you. The way the apron at the bar looked around your hips, and the smell of your perfume when you leaned into him. The way your body looked as you paraded yourself around behind the bar. The way you have no problem talking back to him when he walks into the bar after saying he’s off the bottle the night before, just making want to shut you up with a rough kiss. The feeling of your lips on his cheek and he imagines your lips on his neck. He thinks about how your hair looked tousled when you just showed him to his room. He lets himself slip back into that same domestic daydream. You being his wife… married to you instead dealing with this goddamn divorce. The absolute sickening sweet domesticity making him groan, as he imagines his hand is yours. Why on earth did he think he’d be able to do this?

PART TWO

[elysianslove]

hi !! i am in love w ur writing omg <33 can i req hcs of miya twins && suna w a crush who is in the girls ( or manager of the boys team if u only do gn!reader hcs ) vball team of inarizaki and they share the same bus or sumn when theyre traveling to another school ? thank u <3

hi hi hi!!! thank you so much <333 and i write fem!reader, hehe, so i made her part of the girls vbc! i hope you like these <3

miya atsumu 

i firmly believe none of the hq boys would be picky about the girl they’re dating. like yeah they all say certain traits they want but when it really comes down to it and they are dating you, they won’t be upset if you don’t fit certain previous criteria of theirs 

that being said, tsumu would absolutely lose his shit if his girlfriend also happened to be a volleyball player like he’d be convinced it’s fate or something

like he wouldn’t crush on you because of volleyball, he just thought you were a really pretty girl he’d constantly see in the halls and stuff 

and listen! he really was planning on asking you out

except asking a girl out has never been so nerve-wracking. like he’s never, ever felt this nervous about it?? and he’d keep chickening out every time he saw you

fast forward to you guys having to travel to another prefecture for a game, and it just so happens that the boys’ basketball team also had a game out of town. between the teachers and coaches, they decided since both the boys and the girls’ volleyball teams were going to the same prefecture, you’d just take the bus and make due 

the bus isn’t small, but y’all are a lot, so it’s a bit of a mess when you’re climbing on 

somehow, someway, you find yourself sitting next to miya atsumu 

pls he will never stop talking about how you two were meant to be after omg 

imagine his shock when he looks up from his phone and he sees you sitting next to him his brain literally goes ???!!@#$#&^$#&%(&

you just smile at him sweetly and say, “i hope it’s okay that i sat here. there’s not really anywhere else.” 

he can’t really speak. no like he really can’t. he’s. starstruck? just completely gone. you’re just so pretty and now he gets to sit next to you for the entire ride? he’s thanking everything holy

samu smacks him on the head because he still hasn’t replied to you and you’re starting to look a little saddened 

“uh, yeah, yeah, s’fine, yeah.” i’m telling y’all he’s secretly a complete dork. 

at first he doesn’t really know what to say, he just knows that he really wants to talk to you, like badly, and finally his brain catches up to him and he asks you about volleyball. you two spend nearly the entire ride talking about the sport

his heart would not stop beating insanely fast the entire time 

so y’all arrive, and you’re about to head off to the girls’ gymnasium when he stops you. you’re kind confused but you don’t stop him bc !!! hello !!! attractive !!! and kind !!! and interesting !!!

and omg you don’t think you’ve ever seen miya atsumu flustered before, and apparently neither has his brother or his friends because they’re in the back just snickering to each other

and finally, he manages to ask, “do you like, wanna hang out? soon? tomorrow?” 

it makes you giggle how red his cheeks are 

the relief that floods him when you say yes is unbelievable 

he wishes you good luck with your game with a kiss on the cheek that shocks everyone because what a contrast to the person he was literally a minute ago 

just v briefly: y’all are THE couple. you know what i’m talking about right? imagine just him being at your games and cheering you on the loudest, kissing you fully on the mouth after disregarding any rules in place, or the opposite, of you cheering him on his games and just jumping at him even though he’s really sweaty and hugging him so tight with your legs wrapped around his waist

no please don’t think about going to the gym with tsumu, where he makes you cling onto shirtless him as he’s doing pull ups and you kiss him every time he lowers himself, or practicing volleyball with tsumu, where he’ll serve a ball onto your ass and have you chase him around the gymnasium until he lets you jump onto him and you both fall on the ground

and no! don’t you dare consider practicing serves with him and it being a competition until you’re both so spent and breathlessly lying on the cold ground next to each other or how proud he is every time he sees you finally achieve something you’ve been trying really hard to perfect —

good bye 🏃🏻‍♀️

miya osamu

okay different from atsumu, osamu knew you were a volleyball player, and he realized he had a crush on after watching you play once 

your gymnasium, the girls’, was up for inspection but you had a game against another school so you’d borrowed the boys’. the whole boys team decided to stay and watch and holy shit was he impressed. your team won by a landslide, and it was clear the rest of his team was also impressed by the way they were all speaking about you

after that, you kinda stood out to him more? like, before he wouldn’t really notice you, but now anytime you were around or he heard your name or you were mentioned or he heard your voice he would kind of perk up and his heart would beat a little fast 

he was like fuck 😃🔪

you didn’t really share classes with him so it wasn’t too difficult to avoid you until his little crush had wavered 

yeah until god himself seated you right across from him on the bus while both your teams were on their way to a different school. it’s not that there wasn’t a bus, the coaches were just lazy and decided to combine you both since you were headed the same way anyways 

the entire time he wouldn’t stop staring at you while you chatted with your friends and with some of the boys from his team. you just seemed so. magical. he hated it. why were you so perfect

atsumu was asleep for half the ride so he only made fun of him for the other half. it was v humiliating. 0/10

he thought he had been soooo slick lmfao 😹

he was not

samu’s generally a slick guy but. not right now he wasn’t. not with his crush he isn’t

so when everyone steps off the bus and he’s like stretching out his limbs from being seated for really long, he feels someone tap on his shoulder, so he spins around and sees you and honest to god his blood runs cold

you had a really sheepish smile on your face like you were ready to embarrass him and when you said, “hey i noticed you staring,” on god he wanted to die.

but then you noticed his pale face and quickly went, “no, no, i think it’s very flattering! and i’m hoping it means i get to take you out?” 

cue tsumu’s cheering in the back he is so obnoxious bhjdbcdbjc

samu’s mouth is moving but his brain isn’t really working he just likes to thank god that he said yes and didn’t say anything else 

this time, you wish him luck with a kiss on the cheek and he really hates how his entire body is just heating up right now so on the outside it looks like he’s not enjoying this in the least, but trust, his heart says others

that was the most nervous you’ve ever been but he doesn’t need to know that 

on the bus ride back he invites you to sit next to him in the back, and you’re both a little shy about it all but you make conversation and somehow it ends up with him telling you he loves to cook, which leads to the promise that he’ll cook for you one day

it’s a very sweet conversation where you’re both really excited but you’re also a little nervous about it all

again, briefly: if we’re going with you being a wing spiker like him, then training with samu is so fun. he loves to toss the balls up higher and higher knowing you can’t reach them, until one day you shock him and the ball goes smack on the other side of the court and damn he just fell in love all over again.

tsumu practices with you two sometimes and nine times out of ten he’ll make samu think he’s tossing to him then toss to you instead. 

you’d think he’d be quiet and calm while he watches you play? absolutely not he is the loudest. it’s okay you luv him <3

omgomgomg meeting up with samu after both your after school practices are over and you just walking home alone in the quiet and you’re both munching on some snacks and it’s so serene and your hand is in his and you’re swinging your arms playfully and it’s just so

sigh 

remember that promise he made to cook for you? every weekend without fail, since he usually wakes up before you, he makes you breakfast, leaves his home, and wakes you up with a little box of your favorites. the tradition never falters. every weekend you wake up to his beaming face with a steaming box of breakfast. husband material 

suna rinatarō

with suna, you two briefly knew each other

you shared class with him, and sat quite near him so you were like sort of acquainted with each other. i feel like suna’s not too big on speaking with strangers not because he’s introverted but because he just doesn’t wanna waste his time

he does speak to you from time to time though, mainly just to ask about class or homework or exams 

he didn’t know you were on the girl’s volleyball team though, so when you walked onto the bus, and he spotted you, he was really confused. when you spotted him back and waved at him with a bright smile his brain went uh oh

and then you walked closer to where he sat and his brain went UH OH

and then you asked to sit next to him because you’re all the girls are scattered everywhere and aside from them he’s the only one you know here so he just shrugs and goes yeah sure 

his brain is going uhohuhohuhoh repeatedly though he’s just exceptionally good at not showing it 

you don’t really talk as everyone settles down, each of you is busy looking down at your phones, but when the bus starts moving, suna takes out his headphones and 

he offers one to you 

vdhjsdshfkwhhesajkdhksf

ok im good 

you’re a little taken aback but you accept. the entire ride you two don’t talk, you just listen to music together, and occasionally he hands you his phone to choose a song, and somehow, in the middle of all this, your head fell on his shoulder and his head rested on yours and it was really comfortable and good god does he have a crush on you

when you take out your phone and open instagram/snapchat and start messing with the filters, taking snaps of him and making faces with him, and he gets to hear and feel your little laughs he realizes yeah, maybe he does have a tiny crush on you 

tiny 

minuscule

you skip away from him after stepping off the bus with a yell of good luck. he makes time after his game to go watch yours and he is thoroughly impressed by your skill. decides maybe it is not as minuscule as he thought.

the boys are on the bus before the girls, so when you walk in, he waves you over and points at his headphones, which makes you laugh a little and rush over to him. this time, he doesn’t wait for the bus to start moving before he hands you one earbud, and just like before, your head rests on his shoulder throughout 

middle of the ride, he opens the notes app, and types, ‘you’re really cute,’ while showing you the screen 

you take the phone from him and type back, ‘you’re really pretty.’ 

and then a conversation carries like this until he just straight up goes, ‘wanna go out with me?’ 

this time, you don’t take the phone from him. instead, you sit up a little, press a kiss to his cheek and whisper, “yes.” 

it only shocked him a little a lot

as soon as you’d said that, he relaxes a bit, and as you’re going to rest your head on his shoulder, he brings an arm around you, hugging you closer to him i am going to Scream

briefly: please, imagine just how encouraging it is for suna to see you in the stands at any of his games like it just gives him that necessary boost  and whenever he wins he just cups your face and kisses you so passionately yet serenely and there’s that small smile hidden in the kiss only you can feel and tell of

or just imagine you and suna relaxing after a long day of practice in a bath together or you completely drained snuggled in bed as you lazily and sleepily pillow talk 

or oh my god, suna coming before a game and helping you do your hair in a braid or anything that will keep it out of your face because he has a little sister and he’s just so good at it and all the girls are fawning over how he’s sitting on the bench with you kneeling between his legs and he’s just working diligently at your hair and once he’s done he just gives your head a little pat before leaning over and kissing your cheek like “all done babe good luck” 

or suna watching smugly as you absolutely destroy your opponents or if you ever play with the boys how you never go easy on them and he just 

heart eyes <3

end note; im sobbing im this 🤏🏼 close to losing my mind why are they not REAL 

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

The One Where Jensen Ackles Confirmed Cockles in 2016(????) No. Seriously. For real.

this is a DOOZY. strap in folks.

DISCLAIMER: this is chock full of rps. if you are against cockles/jenmish in any way, this post is not for you. however, if you’re like me, ummmmm...

alright. so. we are REALLY in it now, cockles truthers. and make no mistake, i DO NOT want to undersell the significance of what we have found on this glorious day in 2021.

BUT HEY! DISCLAIMER FIRST, THOUGH IT SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING! do not EVER bring this to jensen and misha’s attention. do not comment disrespectful things on social media. when cons/panels start again, don’t ask them questions about it. ever!!! that’s super weird, for one thing, and for two, they won’t give you the answer you want anyway! so, yeah. just be decent, y’all. let’s continue. 

so my dear mutual @green-blue-heller made this post today and i promptly lost my mind. in it, they link this video:

as far as i can tell, it’s from VegasCon 2016 but was only unprivated on january 24, 2020(dean winchester’s birthday??? wow ok) for some reason, and we have overlooked it until now. to whoever it was that posted it, THANK you for my reason for being and this delayed gratification five years later. anyway, let’s get into it.

right off the bat, those expressions in the thumbnail kind of tell you all you need to know about what we’re venturing into. i have to thank BOTH jensen AND j*red for being ridiculously transparent. i mean...j*red purposefully avoiding eye contact with jensen and looking at the ceiling with his eyebrows raised sky high? jensen hiding his face in his hands, smiling and blushing like a fool, the misha face™ & grin???

so let’s break down what happens with timestamps and everything.

so! i looked up what the question was, i scoured through the entire Vegas Con video, and here it is:

‘My question is for Jensen and Jared. You guys are both happily married, and I noticed that many people had a hard time explaining how they know their significant other is the one. The one they want to spend the rest of their life with, the one that they want to be with, and so, I wanted to ask you guys, how did you know that your current- who you’re with now(audience laughter cuts the rest of the question off and it’s unintelligible)’ ….i’m solidly guessing that the end of that question boils down to ‘was the one’. (....i...uhhhh....have some thoughts on how this question affected jensen, and i will be going into them later.)

Jared: *laughs* Jared, Jensen. When did you first meet your future ex-wives?

*both of them laugh*

Jared: I’m just kidding-I get what you’re trying to say and thank you, um...I, uh, I guess my current wife, uh-

*both laugh again*

Jensen: (sarcastically) Let’s start with her.

Jared: (repeats) Let’s start with her. I, uh, I...you said something kinda, uh, amazing in your question, which is that a lot of people have a tough time or a difficult time explaining to their significant others or to themselves what it is. And I guess I feel that I have no way to possibly explain it to myself or to her... I remember that I had been in a relationship and that I was single and I was like ‘I am not interested in getting in a relationship’ and then she and I went on a date and I was like, ‘I can’t go anywhere else. I’m not interested.’ So, that was kinda what, um, what started it for me *clears throat loudly* Uh. Yeah, I just feel like (searching for words) she makes me a better person-there are a lot of people that make you a better person, and so that’s not enough, I don’t think-or maybe it is, who knows-um...I don’t know, I can’t really...if I could explain, I’d be a poet.

here’s where things start to get interesting. before jared says ‘If I could explain, I’d be a poet,’ Jensen’s face looks like this:

stoic, thoughtful, composed. and then AFTER jared says that his face makes THIS little journey:

go watch it for yourself. this man is ridiculous. in terms of body language? he gazes up and AWAY from jared. it is a private thought, he is not sharing in jared’s joke with him, if at all. it is his own personal musings that make his face LIGHT up like that. this fool looks lovestruck!!! this fool is lovestruck!!!

now, i think it goes without saying, but there is an obvious cockles reason that springs to mind for this reaction. (hint: misha is a poet. that’s it, that’s the reason.) i don’t think jared intentionally said this with misha in mind, but jensen’s thoughts IMMEDIATELY went there. whether or not this is because he was already planning on answering and hinting at his relationship with misha before jared says this, which i think he was-you can certainly see the wheels turning in jensen’s head before this moment-his brain involuntarily makes the connection and it shows in his glowing smile. after that remark...jensen’s gone. he’s whipped. and he HAS to say something about it. 

continuing from where we left off:

Jared: ...and I would love to be a poet. (thought it would be fun to mention that at this point Jensen catches what his face did and immediately looks over to Jared and WIPES the expression of his face...but it’s too late, because someone recorded it, i saw it, and now i’m writing about it five years later)

Jared: But uhh…

Jensen: (interrupting) Just tap me when you want me to take over. 

i think that jensen is simultaneously joking and is also more than ready to say what he’s been composing in his head diligently for the last thirty or so seconds. he has made up his mind, and is now ready to drop the bomb on us.

*audience laughs, Jared playfully swats at him*

Jared: Uh… *thinks in silence for a bit* It’s really difficult, it’s really difficult. She makes me feel safe, she makes me feel loved. Uh...when...I’m in a position where I don’t love myself, I know she loves me, you know, um...she’s just an awesome, awesome lady.

*audience claps*

alright! so in terms of my OWN analysis for what’s happened up until this point, the conclusion i have come to is that there was something in the question that was asked that sets jensen’s mind off about misha, and i think it was the ‘the one’ comment. if we’re putting our cockles goggles on, jensen doesn’t HAVE a ‘the one’. he resents thinking like that. i’m also very intuitive, and i get a sense that jensen is an honest person and can’t really tell a convincing lie. i mean...we all saw that horrible airbnb debacle, right? and his slip up when he accidentally confirms that misha woke up and said ‘i miss (maison)’[which how would you know that unless you were...nvm] and became a stammering mess and had to sit down and cover his face. and that misha is always the one to take the lead when it comes to denying clothes sharing, for instance. jensen has never ONCE attempted to explain that away, because i don’t think anyone would believe him, and i think he’s incapable of doing so because he’s not a dishonest person and can’t lie easily. i’m the same way, so to avoid telling a lie i always speak partial truths, and i’m 99% sure jensen is well versed in this talent as well. oh, also, just to really land my point....we all know how he feels about the finale because he can’t make himself speak well on it. he’ll gush about 15x18 and the PEOPLE BEHIND the finale, but he has not uttered one. positive. word. about the actual finale itself. i mean, we all know what he thinks about it. in his own way, he has made his rage glaringly obvious. and i think he’s doing that exact thing here, where he resents the implication that daneel is the only ‘one’ for him, because that’s simply not true, and he can’t and won’t lie about something like that. 

i watched it back again and wrote notes on jensen’s body language as he’s processing the question. here they are:

from 0:13 to 1:21, jensen: 

looks down - tenses face - searching eyes, lost in thought - jared’s comment brings him out of it but it takes a second - fidgets, adjusts clothes, looks at jared - bites the inside of his cheeks and moves tongue around his mouth(pacifying gesture) - eyes start wandering away from jared, looks down and tenses face, looks back at jared - then looks away, eyes and mind far from the panel and pondering the question itself - somewhat wistful expression, gears clearly turning in his head, lips pursed, stops reacting to what jared is saying, fingers start fidgeting, eyes have moved downward as he is lost in thought - something shifts in his brain, he looks to the ceiling, fidgets and adjusts his clothing, squints and seems to resolve an inner thought - slightly comes back down to earth with newfound resolution - and then jared’s ‘i would be a poet’ comment happens while he’s coming down from that

i mean, this obviously doesn’t necessarily mean anything huge(yet), all it shows is that this question took a lot of thinking for him. when you compare it to how jared kind of just dove in? 

anyway; so then jared’s done, he slaps jensen’s thigh to indicate it’s his turn, jensen makes THAT face you see in the thumbnail, jared’s eyebrows raise, jensen looks down and scratches his forehead, and then makes the statement of a lifetime. 

here’s the link for this next part

Jensen: Ummm..I kind of feel like there’s two types of people ..uh..in regards to marriage and the, the one. Uh, it’s the ones that just, just know with an absolute and, and have a certainty of like, this is the one for me, unequivocally. And then there’s those who are, you know, I don’t know, I’m scared, but I’m willing to take that leap of faith with you. And, I kind of find myself in between both of those(...types of people). And uh, and so, it can be a scary endeavour, and it can, and it will certainly have it’s ups and downs, um, but I think it’s a, uh, it’s a bond, and it’s a connection, and it’s a friendship, and it’s a ride, and it’s a journey that, uh, if you’re willing to stick it out with one another, can be an amazing, beautiful thing and I’m glad that I picked the partner and the teammate that I have, so.

i’ll give you like a second to recuperate before we dig in. 

let’s start with both jared and jensen’s body language first, because it wasn’t even the words that clued me in, it was whatever the hell was going on with jared’s face. 

i really wish i could gif, but i can only attempt to convey the SPEED and VIGOUR with which jared snaps his head toward jensen. 

these pictures are objectively hilarious because you can see the entire mental journey that jared goes on. he was aloof and kind of relaxed because he was done, it’s jensen’s turn now, he’s surely not gonna out himself with this question right? and then jensen goes ahead and says ‘there are two-’ and jared instantly zones right into jensen with a look of horror on his face, that he tries to contain, but does so unsuccessfully. that is the face of a man who is internally freaking out, thought to himself ‘did he seriously just say...’ and is kind of staring at the culprit in shock and awe.

i know that’s what’s happening, because this is not the first time we’ve seen him react like this to something jensen has said. the classic head whip. a few examples, just off the top of my head:

1. ‘he has, hasn’t he?’ 

2. ‘he sounds like that in the morning’ ‘how do you know’ 

3. when he whips his head around when he notices jensen’s face(and instantly understands when he realizes it’s misha)

so yeah, i’m sure you get it by now. jared can’t really keep it off of his face. there’s no real analyzing to be done here...it’s just an obvious tell on his part. there’s no real reason for him to have reacted this way if jensen was saying something inconspicuous, is there? he would have continued to just kind of space out if jensen hadn’t just said something jarringly questionable. 

as for jensen’s body language, i can’t really tell where he’s looking from either angle of both videos i’ve seen. sometimes it seems like he’s looking straight at jared, and maybe nods at him once, but he could also(and is most likely) looking at the fan who asked the question. i don’t think there’s anything particularly telling about his body language because i think he rehearsed his answer in his head and also, he’s not shying away because he’s not lying about anything. like...everything he’s saying is true, so he’s not going to have any tells. and it’s the fact that he is TELLING THE TRUTH that is freaking jared out.

now for what he actually says. because oh my god. 

right off the bat, he says “i kind of feel like there’s two types of people..” and first off, what? what does that even mean? if you think of it in terms of ‘this is about daneel and only daneel’....isn’t this a realllyyyyy strange thing to start out with? objectively? the question that was asked to him was ‘how did you know they were the one?’ and he goes ‘actually there’s TWO types of people’ ...like, jensen never answers the question at hand. 

and then he goes “in regards to marriage and the one”. i hope i’m not the only one who noticed he said the words ‘the one’ in a resentful and kind of degrading tone? seriously, listen to it again. he seems like he’s almost mocking that sentiment. i swear i’m not making it up, it really sounds like that to me. 

and then he says “-it’s the ones that just, just know with an absolute and, and have a certainty of like, this is the one for me, unequivocally. And then there’s those who are, you know, I don’t know, I’m scared, but I’m willing to take that leap of faith with you.” *NON TINHAT VERSION OF EVENTS* what he could mean, i guess, is he was both scared to be with daneel but also knew she was the one for him. which....ok. alright. *TINHAT BACK ON* first off, there’s absolutely no risk with daneel. that’s not a judgement, because i love her; it’s just true. she’s a pretty, talented, amazing woman and they are very much in love. i’m not sure what risks he’s taking there. next up: pretty strange wording then, don’t you think? idk, if it were you, and you wanted to get that point across, wouldn’t you use words like ‘she both scared me and i knew i wanted to be with her at the same time’ and NOT this convoluted mess of ‘there’s two types of people and they are both drastically different but also one and the same’? 

SECOND OF ALL, as many people have pointed out.....he never uses pronouns. this is strange. jared does. jared says gen’s name, even. and uses ‘she’ and ‘her’. jensen never once does that, he practically refuses to do so. and yes, i fully believe it is entirely intentional.

because if you look at this phrase from a cockles lens it makes more sense then if you do not. 

the one that jensen knows, unequivocally, with the utmost certainty, is the one for him, no doubts, no risks; is daneel. the one that he doesn’t know about, is scared of being with, but is willing to take that leap of faith anyway; is misha. and all of a sudden the puzzle pieces fall into place.

because he goes on to say “I kind of find myself in between both of those.” 

he doesn’t say ‘i find myself in between both of those...with her.’ nope. he’s just...in between. caught in the middle. of those two types of people. translation: of those two people. mish. dee. 

“And it can be a scary endeavour, and it will certainly have it’s ups and downs, but I think it’s a bond, and it’s a connection, and it’s a friendship, and it’s a ride, and it’s a journey...” 

every single one of those words can be applied to more than one person. think about it. bond(between three people). connection(between three people). friendship(between three people!!!). there’s no ‘partnership’ in here, which does only apply to two people. 

lastly, “i’m glad i picked the partner and the teammate that i have.”

ok, look. you can easily say that it’s just one person he’s talking about here! of course you can. but this is jensen ackles we’re talking about. jensen ‘rock and pebble’ ackles. jensen ‘mish. dee.’ ackles. so yes. i definitely think that ‘the partner and the teammate’ fall into this category. and i think daneel is the partner and misha is the teammate. 

to put it matter-of-factly: you simply cannot prove that this isn’t about a poly relationship. there is absolutely nothing he says that makes it obvious he is talking about one person here. because he isn’t. 

i just feel like, in the simplest terms, if this were about only daneel, that he would not be using these weird phrases that are half-hidden truths. just to compare, i watched another panel where pretty much the exact same question was asked, minus the whole ‘the one’ debacle, and, just as i suspected, it was an entirely different answer. he talks about the moment where he knew he liked her. her, specifically. says the name daneel. gushes about her. there’s no tiptoeing and weird pronoun usage and vague terminology. 

tl; dr : i think he answered the question this way because there is no ‘the one’ in his life. and he is physically incapable of leaving misha out when talking about ‘the one’ because he has TWO ‘the ones’. and he wants to answer the question to the best of his best ability, but lying is unnatural to him. he will talk about daneel at length and misha at length, but i honestly to my core don’t think you could make him choose between the two. oh! and we literally had confirmation all the way back in fucking 2016, we just never paid attention until now. so......thanks, jensen?

sorry, this got super long, but i hope i warned you well enough.