#also by 'toned down' I mean in terms of personality. cant speak for who's done more warcrimes I haven't finished bw yet

[slowdrippingnoise]

I keep seeing people say things like "well of course tara is toned down from the comics for adults you couldn't put all that in a kids show" I desperately need you to understand that the fucked up cannibalistic cackling freak is the one from the 90s cartoon. the idw comics version is toned down from the original(not by much, but hey), and tfes' tara is drawing way more from him than from bw. no beef this is extremely funny to me

[blossomingimagines]

Fall Again

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader x Wanda Maximoff 

Word Count: 3,856

Summary:

Notes: I hope this what you were looking for.

Warnings: Depressive thoughts and talks of dying.

The faint sound of buzzing filled your ears as the man sitting before you droned on and on. His words are meaningless beyond the first sentence. ‘The tests came back positive, I’m sorry, you have cancer.’ Words that had instantly filled you with a certain hollowness you had never expected. As if your entire being tried to comprehend the words. As your mind tried to wrap itself around the idea that you were dying. Causing everything else to simply fade away into a static background. Simple white-noise to your predestined existence. Even still bits and pieces slice through like knives. Cutting you open to the world that you would never experience in the same way again. Leaving you exposed and bleeding without any semblance of protection. 

The sound of the hospital filtered through your ears. Shuffling of feet and the distant voices of doctors and nurses speaking to one another. An overabundance of cheer and hope floating through the halls like air, but you could now detect the underlying sense of despair. The darkness that festered beneath the light pretenses of the spotless halls. A feeling that only seemed to come to the dying. The beautiful lies become a painful truth. You simply stared straight ahead at all the degrees hanging proudly on the wall. All mocking you, because no matter how many awards your doctor may have-- nothing could ever truly cure you. Nothing could stop your body from tearing itself apart. Nothing could stop the suffering you were going to experience. His words mean nothing more to you than the mindless chatter you hear on the subway. 

‘I believe we caught it early, which is a good sign.’

‘You’re going to have to start radiation immediately.’

‘If we don’t get ahead of this thing… I’m afraid there’s not much else we can do.’

Turning, you finally meet the warm gaze of the man that was trying to save your life. Your mouth opens in hopes that your brain just knew what to say. That a few simple words would stop the spinning of the room. That your entire world would make sense again. 

Nothing came out. 

You simply stared at the man, with your mouth slightly open, as silence settled over the two of you. An oppressive silence that spoke more than either of you ever could. Brown eyes staring into yours with compassion and understanding. Lowering your head, you could feel the way your body seemed to wilt. Your shoulders slumping as you canted forward. Normally graceful hands, fumbling to get a grip on your knees. Anything to keep you anchored. To keep your thoughts on the current moment. On what was happening right now. You didn’t want them to stray to your future. To what you knew was coming for you. 

You didn’t want to think about the fact that you were dying. That you would be dead sooner than you ever thought possible. 

You had always known that with the life you lived you more than likely wouldn’t live to see your elder years. But you had always thought you would at least go out on your terms. Either a fire-fight where you were protecting your team or protecting innocent life. You had never thought that the true enemy all along was your own body. That it had been biding its time to finally land a crippling strike-- God did it land one. 

Closing your eyes, you try to stem the oncoming tears. You hated to cry in public when you were near strangers. You hated to look weak to people that didn’t know you. To people that would judge with their own preconceived notions. Nothing was going to stop the onslaught, however. Not as images of the ones you loved came flashing across your mind. 

Tony’s snarky voice filtering through your ears as if he was in the room with you. His teasing tone filling you with warmth. He always knew how to make you forget all your troubles. 

Steve’s warm smile as he looked up at you over the newspaper. His blue eyes crinkling with happiness as he offered you a mug of coffee. Having learned how you liked it long ago.

Bruce’s calming presence as he sat beside you as you read. A companionable warmth shared between the two of you.

Thor’s booming laugh as you told him a joke that you had heard. Easy conversation passing between you both as you shared joke after joke-- as well as ale, of course. 

Clint’s grin as you cooked together. His shoulder bumping into yours with the ease of someone who had done it a hundred times over. 

Vision’s practical words always seemed to make you chuckle. As you always found his no-nonsense ways both endearing and amusing. 

Then Natasha and Wanda appeared and the choked feeling in your throat only grew. Their green eyes sparkling with all the love in the world. Wanda’s open grin filling you with the same amount of warmth as Natasha’s half-smile. The laughter that so easily flowed between the three of you. Your body naturally wedged between them both as you tried to get as close as possible-- though that never seemed to be close enough. 

Clenching your hands, you try to ignore the way your heart broke all over again. Try to ignore the fact that not only your heart was going to be broken by the end of the day. That the two women that held your heart had already lost too much. And now… they may lose you too. 

A simple fact that caused a choked sob to escape your mouth. You want nothing more than to go to a time where this was the simple case of the flu. When the only reason you had gone to the doctor was because of worried green eyes tracking you wherever you went. Even when you had done everything to reassure them that you were fine. Their worry, their fear, had been the tipping point. 

“How long?”

It took you a moment to realize you had been the one that spoke. As the voice that had broken through the silence sounded nothing like your own. It was weak… feeble… everything you strived not to be. And even as the question hung between the two of you, you weren’t sure you wanted an answer. You weren’t even sure what had caused you to ask in the first place. 

You weren’t sure about a lot of things anymore. 

“With what we’ve seen? I’m afraid that if you don’t start treatment as soon as possible you’ll be dead within a few months.” The words only cause your stomach to drop even more. “However, I am confident that we caught it early enough. That, with the treatment, you may be able to make a full recovery.” 

A sardonic smile twists your mouth. “And if I don’t? I’ll end up dying as something I’m not, right? A shell of who I used to be.” 

“Yes,” he agrees softly. “But would you rather take the chance of living? Or succumb to your body’s wishes of death?” 

His words echo like a mantra as you make your way back towards the Tower. Your eyes are taking in the landscape of New York City. The bustling of life that always permeated the streets. Whether it’s children pulling their parents excitedly to the next store or a businessman that was rushing to his next meeting-- New York City never seized in its constant state of motion. No matter what happened amid its confines nothing ever seemed to disturb that simple fact.

If you were to die tomorrow nothing would truly change. The shops would still open in the early recesses of the morning. Taxis and other means of transportation would still rush through the streets looking for passengers. There would still be the distant wails of ambulances on their way to the hospital. Life would go on as it always had. The world wouldn’t stand still simply because you were no longer in it. Even if yours had the moment you had heard the news. 

Pressing your lips into a thin line, you stand and follow the line of people that were getting off. Your feet touching the rough pavement of the sidewalk with a hollow thud. With your hands stuffed into the pockets of your coat, you make your way through the throngs of people. Ignoring some of the looks you received once people recognized who you were. You weren’t in the mood to socialize. You also weren’t in the mood to dismiss the people that looked up to you. You knew what it was like to be dismissed by the people who you used to idolize-- your own personal heroes. You didn’t want that to ever happen to anyone that felt the same way towards you. 

So, you just kept your head down and plowed through the bustling streets of New York. Towards the beckoning light of Avengers Tower. The great A situated on its side a beacon for home and safety. The dull echoing of your footsteps on the marble floor of the lobby as you bypass security. Your mind somewhere else entirely as you make your way up towards the communal floor of the Tower. Only the soft sound of the elevator pulled you out of your reverie. Announcing that you had arrived at your destination. 

Following the faint sounds of voices, your body follows the well-worn path to the kitchen. Taking in everything as you near the entrance-- trying to remember everything as it was before the fallout that you knew was about to happen. From the faint crack along the sidewall of the living room that had appeared when Thor had ‘tripped’ while playing Nerf Wars. To the many pictures that lined the walls-- from amusing candid's to group pictures from intimate affairs. The happiness that suffused the walls of the Tower was always present. 

You hated that you were about to taint it with the same underlying sense of darkness that the hospital held. Hated that your own body has betrayed you. 

You stop, just at the precipice of the room, and smile at what you see inside. Natasha at the counter cutting various vegetables while Clint stole as many as he could manage before she noticed. Steve at the stove as he continued on with a conversation with Bruce. Tony sitting at the island with a StarkPad in his hands-- no doubt tinkering with more ideas for the next Iron Man suit. Wanda and Vision were standing side-by-side as Wanda taught the android how to properly set the table. Laughter flowing between them all. It was a serene moment that you didn’t want to break. That you wanted to capture and live in forever, but all good things must come to an end eventually. 

It seems like this one had to the moment Vision noticed you standing at the doorway. His bright smile is an indicator that he was glad to see you. 

“I wasn’t aware you had returned. If I had I would have greeted you like I normally do, Y/N.” 

At the mention of your name, and Vision’s voice, the team turns and greets you with varying responses-- mostly cheers and grins. At their sudden attention, you take another step into the room. Offering a small smile towards Vision. Hoping that it would show that you didn’t mind he wasn’t waiting for you once you had returned. As you weren’t expecting to have lessons tonight either way. 

“It’s all right, Vis.” You shrug. “I wasn’t expecting you to.”

At your words, Vision’s eyes narrow ever-so-slightly as he detected the underlying stress that you were trying to hide. Something you knew he was about to comment on before Tony interrupted with a question directed towards the android. You never wanted to kiss a man more. 

Knowing that you needed to get some air, but not wanting to be rude, you turn towards Steve. “When will dinner be ready, Cap?” 

“Another thirty minutes,” he admits with a rueful smile. “It would have been finished sooner if Thor hadn’t eaten all the final touches for the meal. He’s out getting them right now.”

You flash a smile at him. “That’s all right, Steve. I think I’m going to go up and get changed. I feel a little grubby in these clothes.” 

He simply smiles back at you. Taking that as a sign to make a quick exit, you’re half-way out of the door before Bruce’s soft voice halts you. 

“So what did the doctor say?”

You shoot him a confused look over your shoulder. Trying to desperately appear neutral as all the attention of the room, once again, shifted towards you. 

“What do you mean?”

“Didn’t you go to the doctor today, má lásko?” Wanda steps from around the counter. A worried frown began to make its presence known on her beautiful face. The same expression that was starting to appear on Natasha’s. Something that you didn’t want at all. Your mind screeches at you to fix the situation you had suddenly found yourself in. You couldn’t tell them all right now. You could barely wrap your mind around it. You didn’t know if you could handle dealing with them trying to as well. 

“I have the flu,” you offer with a weak smile and a shrug. “A few days of rest and I should be as right as rain.” You turn your gaze towards Natasha and Wanda. Your eyes noticeably softening as you did so. “I told you there was nothing to worry about.” 

At your words, the team seemed to relax. The tense atmosphere, that you hadn’t even been aware of before now, dissipating as they all turned back to what they were doing. Sighing, softly, you quickly make your way out of the kitchen and up the stairs towards your room. 

Trying to ignore the feeling of two green gazes following you as you did so. 

The bright lights of New York City shone like the millions of stars that hung above it. Shimmering in the oncoming darkness that the night brought. The buildings, and the people, standing strong against the presence that many tried to avoid. Standing just beside the large window that made up a wall of your room, you could clearly see the nightcrawlers coming out down below. A completely different society awakening as the sun disappears behind the horizon. 

Having changed into fresh clothes, you felt slightly rejuvenated. As if the clothes you had been wearing were bars to a cell. Locking you in with the truth that you were trying desperately to come to terms with. Being out of them brought a small semblance of peace, of stability, that you had been searching for. The simple act allows your mind enough time to get its bearings once more. It may not have been the ground-breaking epiphany you were searching for but it was enough. For now. 

“Dorogoy?” A soft voice whispers from the entrance of the room. Your eyes slipping shut as the knowledge of their presence seeped into you. They have given you enough time to prepare yourself. You were a fool to think that they wouldn’t have noticed that something was wrong.

Turning, you meet their gazes with a tired smile. “Nat. Wanda. Is something the matter?” 

Your question causes both their eyes to flash. Whether it be in a warning or something else, you weren’t entirely sure. 

“I believe you have the answer to that question, Y/N,” Wanda says, her brow furrowing in concern. “We know that something is bothering you but we can’t help you if you don’t tell us what that is.” 

“We’re concerned,” Natasha admits, her voice uncharacteristically soft. Her green eyes shimmering with suppressed emotion as she stares at you. “What did the doctor really say to you?” 

A defeated feeling wells itself up in your chest. You know that you couldn’t lie to them. You had never been able to lie to them. Slumping forward, you move over to your bed and sit. A sigh escaping your mouth as they followed suit. Natasha settling on your right as Wanda settled on your left. Their hands immediately clasping yours in gentle, yet strong, holds. 

Your jaw clenches as you try to work up the courage to speak. Try to put the words you didn’t want to be true out there. To make them materialize as a reality instead of the nightmare you wished they were. 

“I have cancer.” 

The events that followed went by too fast for you to truly react. Natasha’s hands tightened around yours with a stricken look painting itself across her face. Wanda stood with fury written across her face, green eyes flashing red as she tried to control her powers, though you knew none of that fury was directed towards you. At least not yet. 

A soft hand on your cheek pulls your attention away from Wanda’s pacing. Your eyes taking in the pained expression on Natasha’s face. An almost desperate edge underlying it made you sick to your stomach. A quality that only resonated itself within her voice. Tears already forming in her emerald green orbs as reality came crashing down around you all. “They caught it early, right? There’s still a chance for you to beat it? Please tell me there’s still a chance. Tell us there’s still a chance to save you. That we won’t lose you.” 

Tears flow unbidden down your cheeks at her desperate pleas. At the faint sound of Wanda kneeling before you and pressing her forehead against your knees. The trembling you could clearly feel as her hands clasped onto your only available one. The tears you could already feel seeping through your leggings. You want nothing more than to take their pain away. To tell them that this was some horribly fucked up joke that Tony put you up to but you couldn’t. You couldn’t and that hurt you more than any bullet ever has. 

Your throat clenches around the words that try to escape your mouth. As you try to choke out the words through your despair. “Yes.” Natasha’s eyes lighten at your words and Wanda’s head raises from its position on your knees. “The doctor says that they caught it early but I’ll have to begin treatment right away.” 

“That’s good though, right?” Wanda murmurs, settling back onto her feet. Her wide eyes filled with so much hope. “You’ll just begin treatment and everything will be okay.”

At their expectant looks, you lower your gaze towards your lap. Your heart thudding against your chest as you tried to formulate what you wanted to say. But how could you tell the two people that made your life worth living that you weren’t going to have treatment? That you were letting everything rest and have the universe take its destined course. 

Your silence seemed to be all the answer Natasha needed, however. Her words filled with thinly-veiled fury. “You’re not going to go forward with the treatment.” 

“No.”

The silence that follows your feeble answer was even more oppressive than the one in the hospital. Both Natasha’s and Wanda’s hands tightening around yours as they processed your answer. Both their emotions heightening as each second ticked by. Swirling around the three of you like a vortex. Having them both stand suddenly pulls you out of your reverie. Your head snapping up to watch them both pace. Agitation is clear in each graceful movement of their bodies. 

Whipping around, Wanda snarls at you. “Why don’t you want treatment? It could save your life, Y/N.”

“And it could also make me a husk of who I am,” you cry, standing up from your bed. “We don’t know if the treatment will work and I refuse to die as something I’m not.”

“We don’t know that it will fail, Y/N.” Natasha cries back, equally as outraged as you were. “We don’t know what the future will hold. Except for the simple fact that you will die if you refuse treatment. It’s just a maybe right now.” 

Wanda steps forward with an anguished look on her face. “Please don’t sign your life away because of something you don’t even know will be the end result. Don’t make this into a certainty.” 

“Even if I do start treatment I will be completely useless to the team,” you hiss. “Who knows how long I’ll have to fight this until it goes into remission. I don’t want to be a burden on any of you.”

Natasha takes your face into her hands, her thumbs gently rubbing soothing circles on your cheeks. “Do you think they will care, Y/N? Do you think they won’t jump for joy when they find out that you’ve decided to fight? That they won’t be there for you every step of the way?”

“We’re a family, Y/N,” Wanda murmurs with a loving look shining in her eyes. “Family doesn’t let family fight their demons by themselves. You’re more to us, to them, than just a teammate. Nat and I love you with everything that we are. And you know the boys love you like a sister. They wouldn’t want you to just give up.”

“Yeah,” Natasha chuckles. “And I’m pretty sure you’re Vision’s surrogate mother.”

You laugh softly at her gentle teasing. Feeling warmth blossom in your chest for the first time since you had stepped foot in the hospital. “What about if I get too sick to take care of myself like I used to?” 

“We’ll be there, dorogoy,” Natasha whispers, one hand falling from your cheek as Wanda’s took its place. “When you fall we’ll always be there to pick you back up. Just like we know you’ll always be there for us.” 

Your eyes slip shut as the feeling of complete warmth and safety settles over you. Your world is finally beginning to make sense once more. Everything came back into focus as you were surrounded by Natasha and Wanda. The two people that knew how to set your heart on fire with emotions you never knew you could feel. 

“Okay,” you whisper. “I’ll begin treatment.” 

You didn’t have to open your eyes to know that they were smiling. Nor did you have to, to know that they were leading you towards the large bed. Easily pulling into the center with their bodies snugly pressed into both sides. Your nose nuzzling into Wanda’s neck as Natasha pressed herself firmly into your back. Both of their arms holding you in their warm embrace. 

All other thoughts slipping from your mind as you succumbed to the dark recesses of sleep. The only things that mattered were the two women that were holding you like you were the most valuable thing in the world to them. Their warmth better than anything a blanket could ever provide. The feeling of completeness overwhelming you as the darkness finally took hold. 

Your last thoughts being of the two women who would always be there to pick you back up again. 

No matter how many times you may fall.

[unloved-cadillac]

Firstly to start off with, ummm a white kurtan, yes please, I know this bitch looks good whatever hes wearing, so it dont matter, BUT THE BLACK TANK TOP OOFFFF YOU BETTER STOP, ITS NOT GOOD FOR MY HEALTH. But moving on, I've finished reading the whole thing now, and I'm writing this in notes, so if you're getting thing like 40 minutes later it's because I'm drafting my ask. Basically I'm just gonna skim read it again and just give you my thoughts and any feedback, if that's okay with you, you can ignore this if you want to, I completely understand. I dont mind at all 😊😊

Ok to start off with, the exposition was really good, you've set the tone and introduced the Ackerman family really beautifully. When I read it initially the fact that Levi did not want a family or to get married was quite emphasised upon to me, and I'm really looking forward for the inevitable development and how his view changes as the chapters go on. I also love how you introduced Farlan and Isabel, and lightly touched upon how they met, you didnt go into too much detail and I really like that, it kept me focused on the actual story itself, which is about Levi and not Farlan. And Farlan wanting tto marry her 😢😢. I think it's really really sweet and I cant wait to see more of them. I love it so much.

The transition from setting the scene to their father being poisoned was not something I was expecting and made me go oh shit he dead. Part of me felt like it was moving too quick, but the other part of me loved the shock factor of it since it happened so suddenly. I didnt think of it as too big of an issue though, it was still enjoyable to read.

The whole encounter with the peasant guy made me wonder just how many more people there are like him, that dislike the Ackermans and would try to kill them. And whether y/n would be one of them. Also I got a bit confused as to who was speaking whether it was Farlan or Levi, but I read the sentence again and it was fine, I understood, so maybe I was just being a dumb bitch.

Oooh a quick point Levi sympathising with the criminal was really touching and made me feel warm and gooey. It shows that hes not a dick and does actually care about his people. But it also shows he has clear boundaries and is really firm. He will make a great leader in the future.

YESSS BODYGUARD ERWINNN!!!!! I WAS LITERALLY TELLING MY FRIEND THE OTHER DAY, ERWIN AND LEVI BODYGUARD AU IS THE BESTT. YES SWEETIE UGH ITS FANTASTIC. IVE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT IM SAYING IT AGAIN I LOVE IT.

Carrying on, I love the whole Erwin/Levi/Farlan interaction, of course Erwin knows everything, why wouldnt he, hes a boss ass bitch. Also again, reaffirming that Levi does not want a wife, nOicE. Really builds up his future development.

The difference in Levi's and Farlan's reaction is comical. Ones there waving and smiling and the other ones there like fuck off leave me alone. ALSO WHOEVER SAID THEY'LL GIVE UP THEIR VIRGINTY SAME GURLL SAMEEE, I WOULD TOO YOURE NOT ALONE. AND YES FARLAN IT IS FUNNY, IT MADE ME LAUGH.

Awww the people are so nice, offering things for free, that's how you know you're loved by your people, I rate it, rate Levi sm.

Okay my guy, imma need you stop for a second and relax. Taking your top of??? And your scarf??? Okay big man, I see you, I see you, looking fine af. Ahhh I love imagining this in my brain, so stimulating.

Anyways, Y/N'S HERE NOWWW YES BITCHHH IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE, TURN IT UPPPP.

Nanaba being my sister is absolutely exquisite *chefs kiss*. I really thought you'd maybe put Petra, and then Petra would like Levi as well, but no its Nanaba and I fucking love her so so much. Also not really relevant, but I dont have any older sisters, but I do have older cousin sisters and I call my favourite one didi mooni (I think that's how you spell it, or muni idk) and yeah it just reminded me of her. I haven't seen her in so so long because of the pandemic and I miss her :(

Ah. So. Y/N does hate the royals. I wanna know why?? Does she think they're overrated?? A bad experience maybe?? Everyone else seems to love them. I'll just have to wait and see I guess.

ALSO PLEASE TELL ME THE LITTLE KID WAS MIKASA!!! IM HOPING SO SO MUCH ITS MIKASA, IT PROBABLY ISNT BECAUSE SHES AN ACKERMAN HERSELF BUT I CAN STILL HOPE!!! SHES SO CUTEEE AND ADORABLE AWWWW WEVIIII 🥺🥺🥺

THEY SELL TEAAA AHHH ITS A LOVE STORY BOUND TO HAPPEN. AND HE HASNT TRIED THEM YETT!!!! YES OMGGG TEA DATES, THEY CAN BOTH SIT DOW AND SHE CAN INTRODUCE HIM TO NEW SHITT AHHHH MY HEARTTTT 🥰🥰🥰IM GETTING WAYYYY AHEAD OF MYSELF.I need to calm down.

The whole meeting with Levi and Y/N was so adorable. It felt really short and I want more, but its okayyy, hopefully there are more chapters. Them locking eyes, him following her to get the leaves, HIM HELPING HER PICK UP THE BLOODY LEAVES, THE HAIR PART REMINDS ME OF IN BOLLYWOOD MOVIES WHEN THE PROTAGS HAIR GETS STUCK IN THE GUYS WATCH OR THEIR DUPATTA OR SOMETHING. OMGG Y/N IS ONE LUCKY BITCH.

Also since you havent specified the race of y/n, just wanted to ask is she Indian?? Or it it unspecified?? You wrote that she blushed bright red and many dark skinned readers wont be able relate. So yeah I'm not too sure whether that was intentional or not, I'm sorry if I'm mistaken though. I mean no harm at all.

Farlan's relationship with Levi is just beautiful, like I know I'm using the word beautiful a lot, but their broship is immaculate. Something else that I love.

Both Levi and Y/N not wanting to get married is hilarious. I really like how you've characterised her, shes really fierce, independent and seems really kind and caring as well. I really like this Y/N, very family oriented.

If I was her dad I would've taken the money. 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ Not complaining about it because my dad would've done the exact same thing, but if I was him I wouldve taken it. Sis is broke, sis needs all the money she can get.

Both parties questioning Levi and Y/N is hilarious, fucking Erwin, I love him so much I stg. I'd sacrifice my life for him. Hes best boy 😇😇

I feel like this is really really long already so I'll quickly sum everything up, if you got this far you deserve a clap on the back and a medal, because I've basically just waffled. I really really enjoyed this chapter, it was very good in terms of introductions and getting to know the characters, I loved the initial meeting between levi and y/n and it did make my heart flutter quite a bit so that's that. I dont have any complaints really, just small minor things I've mentioned before and that's it. I really look forward to the coming chapters!!! Thank you so so much for writing it. Please make sure you're taking regular breaks and keeping hydrated and healthy. Thanks sweetie xxx 🥰🥰🥰

I’ve read this WHOLE thing..twice. I can’t stop smiling omf you’re so sweet! But, yeah minor shit I didn’t mention and I left it up to reader. Like the skin tone, sheesh. I don’t want any problems with that, I just said red blush to signify embarrassment. Reader is reader no matter what.

Aren’t we all broke af? But I liked the idea of the father being humble about it. Lol. Idk.

I don’t want to get into too much detail because that will obviously ruin the story but I love your ideas. Tea dates?! How cute! Erwin is the best, of course. He knows ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and he’s the kind of person who would follow his princes no matter what. Till the end, you know?

As I said, highly inspired by Bollywood movies lol.

You took your time and wrote all of this and I’m so fucking happy that you did. I can’t wait for all of you to see the upcoming chapters. I hope that you’re staying happy and hydrated as well. Also, happy Shivratri! (If you celebrate for it) and to everyone else celebrating.

-Caddy.

[theonceoverthinker]

Why Clover Isn’t Going to be a Traitor

So, @fairgame-is-endgame made a great post this last night debunking some of the more ludicrous pieces of evidence as to why Clover’s is not a traitor. It’s an awesome post and if you’re a Clover or Fair Game fan, you’re gonna want to check it out.

This is a continuation of sorts because as opposed to taking down the minute details being honed in on as evidence of why Clover might be a traitor, I want to compile the evidence presented by the show and secondary material (Ex. Amity Arena) that show strong signs that whatever Clover’s character direction will ultimately be, it won’t be as a traitor to the larger group fighting against Salem (And possibly not even against Ironwood).

So, what is my goal here? To reassure my fellow Fair Game friends that we’re not headed straight for a pitfall? To give the haters a piece of my mind? To speak into the bottomless chasm that is the Internet as a means of dealing with my fandom-based RWBY loneliness? ...A little bit of all of that, if I’m being honest. In any event, I don’t post a ton of analysis pieces, but this is something I feel strongly enough about to give voice to, so let’s see how it goes!

Everything’s under the cut because this is fairly long!

1. The Clover/Robyn scene from 7X5

If Clover was ever going to be set up as a surprise antagonist, it was going to start to show itself in this scene -- a scene that pits Clover against a character he views in an antagonistic light that didn’t end up being a misunderstanding -- more than any place else. 

And it did the exact opposite.

I mean...it did a little, even with the context of Clover and Ironwood’s true goals. Clover is pretty cold to her under his veneer of carefreeness and stops Ruby as she even tries to relate to Robyn (Perhaps that’s out of a fear of Ruby telling her too much, or perhaps it’s just a sense of distrust, but that will probably be revealed soon enough). I’ll walk with you that far and admit to some slight shadiness. But I’m going to argue that that only goes to a certain point, and a small point at that by highlighting the biggest takeaways of that scene. 

The scene between Clover and Robyn tells us a few things.

-Clover and Robyn’s opening dialogue, tone, and animation make it very clear that they’ve met before, but are not on good terms with each other. This is further communicated by Clover’s adamant refusal to disclose information to Robyn about the supplies. Now, I’m going to argue that in Clover’s defense, it just makes sense that when faced with a frenemy (That’s being kind) who is looking for information he has no desire or order to give to her (As we’ll learn later, Clover is a by-the-book guy), that he be in no hurry to tell her what’s going on. Additionally, while he lies to her face about his intentions, he’s very clearly speaking in a way that communicates that something IS going on that he cant speak of (His vocal inflections show that he clearly doesn’t expect Robyn to believe that the tower is getting a checkup, but hopes that it will be enough to shut her down for a bit), giving her that much information to work with at least until she gets elected. 

-Clover’s not especially excited about the prospect of Robyn being elected onto the council, but he still wishes Robyn good luck in the election. Not only that, but the facial expressions he gives her, the tone in which his words are said, and the fact that he delayed his return to the van just to do so heavily imply that it’s a genuine wish. Granted, we later learn that this may only be for reasons amounting to the fact that she’s not Jacques Schnee, but still, he knows she wants to help, and while they don’t get along, he’s receptive to that desire.

-Robyn trusts Clover enough that she reasons that asking for him to disclose information is a worthy pursuit (She does so twice) before attempting to attack the group. Otherwise, she’d have gone after them the moment they stepped out of the van. Since Robyn’s a character we’re supposed to end the scene having trust in, the fact that she does have lingering trust in Clover leaves the impression that we should as well.

All in all, while we don’t know a lot of tangible information pertaining to what they are to each other at this point in the story, we do get a surprisingly large emotional understanding here of their complicated dynamic. We know Robyn is correct in how the people of Mantle deserve to be informed of these goings on, but also why Clover is right to keep his mouth shut until the time comes to reveal all, and I think the attention to this dynamic paid here shows that both of these characters have their hearts in the right place.

2. Amity Arena Card (And Its Follow Up Twitter Post/Introductory Loot Drop)

There are two things I want to point out about this description that I want to touch upon here.

First, “there’s nothing subtle about what the Ace Ops leader Clover is about.” Now, that’s not to say he has no hidden depths to his character (It would really suck if there wasn’t any more to him), but I feel like these few words communicate a lack of secrecy as to his values, personality, and alignments. Can having all three of these things be positive still amount to a villain? Sure -- you can kind of say that makes him like Hazel in that regard -- but I think my next point will solidify that’s not the case.

Second, I’m gonna make this one short and sweet. There is no way to basically say that ‘this new character (Clover) is going to kick a beloved protagonist’s butt (Qrow’s butt) and that will be a good thing for said protagonist,’ and then have that new character end up being a baddie. While my knowledge of the game is a limited since I don’t actually play it, I did do some research today, looking at various cards for both protagonists and antagonists, and they overwhelmingly geared the framing of these card descriptions towards a more hero-focused outlook on the characters. Basically, this game is not about to cheer for a hero like Qrow to be defeated by someone who will turn out to be a villain, if for no other reason than it’s a poor choice for the game’s long term posterity.

But just in case that card’s second-to-last line left anyone with lingering doubts about its intentions, the RWBY Amity Arena Twitter page was kind enough to elaborate on it!

 I feel like that wink emoji should be doing my work for me here. If there was ever a doubt as to the intention of the wording, this tweet should clear it up. Clover is so clearly being shown by the Amity Arena card as a positive influence on Qrow’s life, and in a way that implies that that’s not about to change anytime soon. 

Like, if they wanted to convey ambiguity as to Clover’s moral alignment, they could’ve just said something along the lines of “Who knows,” or “Guess you’ll just have to wait and see.” In the world of Remnant, ambiguity is a force more powerful than the Light and Dark Gods combined, and one that knows no shortage of uses! But no, they literally spelled out that line’s intended meaning, with inflections and a winky face to boot!

I’m not going to try to go into detail about all of the little intricacies of this reward card, because someone already did it for me! I direct you to this AMAZING analysis by @scathing-eyes​ where she highlights both what this single message has to say about Clover and Fair Game at large.

3. Introductory Card on Twitter

Thank you so much to @homokinetic for linking me to this card!

If you’re trying to depict a shady character or even one who you have twisted intentions for, this is not the description you use for them. Here, we’re not given soft and vague allusions to Clover’s allegiances that could imply sinister motives. We’re told flat out that Clover acts in the best interests of Atlas and does things by the book. I mean honestly, that second point should de-trigger any alarm bells because Salem...doesn’t really have a book. I mean, she has goals, but as to how they get done? She doesn’t care! But Clover and Ironwood care about doing things by the book because they feel like those rules, for as flawed as they are, are what will keep the world from succumbing to chaos (Whether they’re right or wrong...look, I love these two, but they are flawed -- not evil, but flawed). Salem, on the other hand, worships the idea of chaos since it makes her goals that much easier to fulfill.

I think the line “tries to bring out the best in people” is also important. Salem’s forces gain strength by exploiting the worst qualities in people, and Clover stands in stark contrast to that philosophy by focusing on nurturing their best qualities. This is well communicated in the series with his actions towards Qrow and the introduction to the routines and options that the new Huntsmen now have access to. Not only that, but those means of nurturing come down to themes of unity and order (Showing Qrow the benefits of working with others and taking pride in his accomplishments, showing the new Huntsmen the positive ways they can impact Atlas, encouraging them to take a night to refresh their spirits), literally the very outlooks on life that Salem seeks to obliterate in order to ensure that humanity will be destroyed again. Just in terms of philosophies, Salem’s team and Clover are so fundamentally different in ways that just aren’t compatible. It’s not like Clover and Qrow where their differences complement each other and can mutually benefit the other. There is no way that Salem can benefit from posing a figure that inspires the endurance of the better qualities of the human spirit in a position of power.

4. The Overall Lack of Narrative Sense in Making Clover a Baddie

Clover is a character meant to foil and relate to Qrow. That’s not even an opinion. Everything from their contrasting semblances to their scenes together cement that as an absolute fact, and whether you ship it or not, their connection just can’t be ignored. 

All that said, while Clover is an important part of this duo (Duh), it’s Qrow who is the focal point. Qrow is the character we’ve spent four seasons with and watched him struggle and develop through his journeys. So it’s fair to say that the impact of Clover and Fair Game on his character (Again, whether romantic or platonic) will be something that will significantly impact the direction of Qrow’s character going forward.

The next logical question, of course, is as follows: What’s the narrative point of Clover being a baddie for Qrow’s character? @skybird13​ wrote a fantastic post about the overwhelming benefits of a genuine Clover as opposed to the redundancy of a Hans-esque traitor Clover storyline. You should absolutely read this post, but I’m going to quote the segment that spoke to me the most.

“I think the most surprising thing RT could do with Clover’s character at this point is to let him be exactly who he seems to be. Should he have his backstory and his secrets and his own demons to deal with? Absolutely. I would love to see that. But when it comes to Qrow’s trust in others, I think that has been pulverized enough throughout the series. Putting him through it again serves no narrative purpose except to send him right back into the tailspin that he’s currently digging himself out of which, in all honesty, isn’t great writing.“

And yeah, I have to ask: What point would another stab at Qrow’s trust do? If Qrow was meant to be a character who would face a tragic end, then why didn’t he back in Volume 6, when it would’ve been infinitely more appropriate? He literally lost faith in the person he dedicated his very life to. Why show Qrow recovering from his low point and building him up in Volume 7 just to tear him down? Unlike a character like Ruby, someone young and idealistic who watches the conventions of trust and goodness in her life crumble before her eyes over and over again and grows from it as she discovers new things about herself and others, Qrow has already had a lifetime’s worth of those ideals crashing and burning, and we’ve already seen the results of that growth, both on the high and low ends of his viewpoints on life, but especially the low points. What is the point of returning him there that couldn’t have been more naturally done but one volume earlier?  

The Conclusion

...I’m bad at ending things. But I know I’ve made my case, and I’ve made it about as well as a case like this can be made.

Rooster Teeth, through both its primary and secondary means of storytelling, have made a strong case for a Clover who will remain loyal to the betterment of Remnant, regardless of the path he personally chooses to get there (Joining Robyn vs. Staying with Ironwood). For them to change gears after all this setup and make Clover an ally of Salem would be frankly nonsensical after all of this careful buildup.

Could it turn out that I’m wrong? Of course, but despite the suspense in my heart, I can’t help but trust RT here. Maybe that’t the result of that bop of an intro. Maybe it’s the prospect of my new ship becoming canon. But I don’t think that trust -- while based in emotion -- is baseless, and if RWBY has a theme, isn’t it to have a perspective like that?

So here’s hoping the Clover is just another instance of the payoff of trusting love! 

[fuck-customers]

This one is long as fuck and kinda boring

Had a woman come in demanding a refund for a shoe that visibly got damaged because if wasnt the correct size for her (her feet were moving around inside the shoe, which shredded the heel lining).

As company policy (and local law) dictates, we send it to a third party independent quality examiner, who determined whether the fault lies with the company or the customer. As expected, the examination came back negative, meaning we were not at fault and do not have to give a refund, however the company does fix shoes for free with a really great shoemaker within 2 years of purchase.

The customer loses her shit at the result of the examination, writes multiple pissy emails to the store (saying shit like "lol" and "surprise surprise" in what is essentially a business email - yes, in english. No i do not live and work in an english speaking country), calling us to say the exact same things, telling us that the examination was "a joke" and that we "obviously pay off the examiner". She also says we accused her of deliberately damaging her shoes, which we did not. The examination report does say the damage was caused by "outside force" but in context it's obvious that that simply means the fault did not lie in the material itself, but rather the incorrect use.

We end up sending her shoes to be fixed, and the shoemaker ends up putting a leather panel at the heel part because that wont be worn out as easily as fabric would, and it's also thicker, thus helps with the size problem a bit. The leather piece is not visible from the outside, and even when you look at it, it just looks like it was made like that in the factory.

Customer comes to pick up her shoes, for which we need to ask for her copy of a form we fill out when we take the quality complaint. She literally throws it at me over the counter. I very leisurely read the info on it, get her shoes from the back, compare the form with the docket in the box of the shoes, etc. I show her the finished product, ask her if its alright (as is company procedure).

She flips her shit completely, saying it looks disgusting (it objectively did not), how she wants a refund right away, how she cant wear this lile that, what will people think of her, how we are disgusting thieves for doing this to her. I tell her i can take her shoes to be fixed differently (still for free), but she will have to tell me exactly what to write on the form on how she wants it to look, because thats what the shoemaker will follow. She keeps ranting in incomplete sentences that dont make any sense, contradict themselves, and just generally not being helpful at all. I wait for her to finish, then i ask her, with no patience left whatsoever, to tell me word for word what to write. "Make it aesthetically pleasing. Write that. Thats it." Im like..............maam. Obviously the shoemaker thought this looks fine, as he gave it to us as finished. Hell, I think it looks absolutely fine. You're gonna have to be more specific.

She looks at me and goes "WHAT DONT YOU UNDERSTAND, ARE YOU STUPID?"

Now. This might be an everyday happening in america, but in europe, you dont talk like that to cashiers. Not ever, because we're not quite that far in late capitalism, and the employees are very much allowed to ask for respect. I put down my pen, and tell her that if she doesnt start watching her tone and talking to me like a human being instead of a piece of dirt on her shoe, i will deny her service, and she can come back another day to talk to another person. She looks me in the eye and says "I TALK TO YOU THE WAY YOU DESERVE." So i give her her copy of the new form, and tell her we're done here, she can pick her shoes up when we send her an email, bye.

She storms out, only to come back 5 minutes later to ask for an official complaint form. We have a pen attached to it, but it hasnt been used in so long that it dried up, which she decides to let me know about by throwing the pen at me and demanding a new one. She fills out the form absolutely incomprehensibly, i couldnt read a word, and she also yells at another customer not to shop here, because we're thieves and scammers, then leaves again.

The next day we get an email from the lady who runs the company in the country, forwarding an email from the same customer that she sent to the customer service email, making up lies about how we treated her, how we lied to her, how we ruined her shoes. Our manager writes her back to come into the store to get a refund to "clear any confusions". When she comes in, our manager told her in no uncertain terms, that the only reason she's getting the refund is so she will stop harassing us and to never ever expect this to happen again. That her behavior is not tolerated in our store, and she is not welcome here.

Shitty story but at least the manager didnt let her believe she won.

[faunusrights]

Hey so... How do you like... Find character voices, tones and speech patterns or mannerism for your characters? Especially with so any variations on the same cast members? I really admire it, and am having trouble doing it for a story I've had outlined and a cast I've had set for years, but now the writing time cometh and I cannot for the life of me put dialogue to any of this.

WOOF this is a Big Ol Question but i will do my best to explain how i work 😞🤙 the art of dialogue is a careful one and entirely too much practice BUT we will push on

as such, stickin this under a cut

so i’m opening up with a quick flex on y’all: my dialogue is the one of very few things that was always very Good abt my writing (to the point that in uni it was one of those things ppl never even bothered commenting on cause they were like ‘idk i cant make it better lmao’) SO ive been doing dialogue for YONKS and at this point i dont rly have to Think abt it so much as just. do it. lmao

but one of the reasons i got Good was because an a monotone autistic kid i spent a lot of my early years like... listening to how ppl spoke and mimicking it because yall i used to talk At The Same Speed In The Same Tone At One Hell Of A Lick for years and tryna sound normal took me just shutting tf up and having a good listen to how other people spoke, which is my first tip: listen to people!! sit in a discord chatroom!! listen to convos in a coffee bar!! be nosy and listen in on convos!! humans r VERY GOOD at talking and we love 2 do it and theres so many types of dialogue to listen out for that will help u get better!

the other tip is thinking a lot abt personality and how that shines thru; every person i write is a very different person to the character next to them, and how they are effects how they verbalise shit; let’s take, for instance, yang and weiss, yeah?

YANG comes from a backwater island off the coast of vale; it’s a rural, outdoorsy farming community that’s very tight-knit and quite remote, which means a few things for yang’s speech patterns. ONE is that she talks in a dialect native to patch, which is a more drawl-y (yet surprisingly staccato) version of vale’s accent. it’s also SLATHERED in local slang and terms that any valian will be thoroughly unfamiliar with. we’re thinking of a mix of rural southern america and also somehow californian/australian surfer dude stereotypes??? it’s a WILD mix.

WEISS comes from the very high-class, very technologically-advanced and Strict society of atlas, which has scandinavian/germanic origins! her speech is very measured and very articulate, given the high standard of education she’s been subjected to, and her atlesian accent (again, very german-esque) can be suppressed very well in the right crowd to better fit in (tho it shows when she gets Angery). she rarely uses slang, she’s speaks very clearly, and it’s all very... prescriptive, yeah?

so yang and weiss have literally two OPPOSITE ways of speaking, built in entirely different communities for very different NEEDS and personalities. of course they dont sound like each other; it’s not just a change of location, but a change of person. even if weiss had lived on patch and yang in atlas, what you could guarantee is that weiss could still be a stickler for grammar and yang would still learn all the slang that’s used in atlas/mantle/solitas, right?

this same process can be done for any character; ruby’s manic and talks REALLYREALLYREALLY QUICKLY CAUSE SHE HAS SO MUCH TO SAY AND IF YOU STOP HER SHE’LL FORGET WHAT SHE WAS SAYING AND THEN SHE WON’T REMEMBER AND IT’LL BUG HER ALL DAY SO PLEASE LET HER JUST JUST THIS ONE REALLYREALLYREALLY LONG THOUGHT OUT FIRST PLEASE HANG ON JUST A MOMENT--

but blake is very sort of. laid back and chilled and brooding and considering revolution so for them, they speak less often, and usually in much more succinct thoughts: we’ll see a lot of one-word answers, a lot of bluntness. of course, this backfires when theyre trying to be genuine because sometimes it gets in the way! of course, compared to, say, tribelands blake, who is chieftain and is REQUIRED to be more articulate, we see a blake who is still calm and collected and therefore they speak rarely with error. all very thoughtful, a lot more like weiss.

of course, thats not even going into how they TEXT as seen in frapp logs (since how someone speaks and how someone TEXTS is like, two diff ways for speaking) which is a whole other kettle of fish that’s still impacted by a BUNCH of other factors!

dialogue, when boiled down, is basically just an extension of a character’s personality -- and it’s an IMPORTANT aspect of their personality, because speaking is how we impart a lot of our ideas and thoughts into a space that other people can, uh, interpret! a character is, ultimately, a bunch of concepts that form a person, and when they speak is when those concepts are on show for everyone to see! so WHAT those ideas are and HOW they envision those ideas informs the way their dialogue will function. are they like ruby, who thinks twice as quickly as she can get the ideas out of her mouth? are they like blake, who likes to mull things over before jumping to conclusions (unlike theyre impassioned, of course)? are they like weiss, who had her way of speaking beaten into shape by academia? or are they like yang, who speaks in a way that best allows her to connect with her community and her people? these are all distinct people and ideas!

a good way to test if theyre distinct in your writing is to write down a transcript w/o any tags or names, and see if people can tell you how many characters are in that conversation. the most distinct their voice (even if they use similar words or one another), the better chance you have at having characters with distinct speaking methods. consider every word! consider every phrase! everybody approaches speaking differently!

[selenecrawford]

Selene Crawford: The Lady, The Villain and The Contrarian

Warning: None for the moment.

The trip back to the office was done in silence. A tense silence that neither Masamune nor Selene dared to break. At some point Masamune took Selene's hand and never let it go unless it was necessary. For her the nightmare was becoming real. They will go after them now. What she can do, how could she protect them now? Should she...

“Selene? Selene?! Answer me, are you ok?”

Selene failed to noticed that they were on the parking lot of the building. She was so adsorbed on her thoughts that failed to see when they arrived. Masamune's was frowning very worried at her.

Taking a look at Selene he knew something was wrong. It got worse when he touched her hand which felt cold like a block of ice. Not risking getting attack on their way to the office he took her hand trying to giving her some warmth meanwhile she was unresponsive. She was looking directly to road oblivious to the rest of the world. He took her on his arms and hugged her until the color returned to her face.

“Where are we?” Selene felt disoriented, cold.

“We arrived safely. Kitten why are you so cold?” Masamune kept warming Selene's hands until they got warm.

“Sorry I guess I space out didn't I?” Selene gave Masamune a weak smile.

“Come on let's go we need to let the others know what is happening.” said Masamune confused at Selene state.

Both walked holding their hands and arrived to the office. Selene automatically went to her desk and started to work. Masamune decided to went to Nobunaga's office and do a report. Upon entering the office he found Nobunaga talking over the phone.

“Yes, he is here right now, do you want to speak with him? It's Detective Katakura.” Nobunaga passed the phone to Masamune.

“Date here.”

“Are you ok? We got a call to the mountains and found your house blown up. What is going on?” Kojuro sounded puzzled.

“Yeah, we managed to escape on time.” Masamune hold the bridge of his nose trying to ease some tension.

“We? As in more than one person? Is there is something I need to know?” Kojuro's questions were done in a rapid fire motion. Knowing Masamune there must be someone he had done and might have a woman involved.

“Look, our receptionist is the one being targeted.”

“You mean Oda's mistress?”

“What you mean Oda's mistress?”

“It's all over the news and the press. Don't you read the newspaper?” Kojuro's information was a new development.

Masamune took a look to Nobunaga only to confirmed that it wasn't a joke made by Kojuro.

“No, I haven't been informed I have to go.”

“Don’t hang up Masamune, we need you at the station for a statement. When you can come?” Kojuro's question was more an order than a simple question.

“Tell me when and I'll be there. Now I really have to go.”

“Alright, I'll send you a message. Just be careful OK?” Kojuro's concern was well funded.

“ Got it.” with this Masamune hang up and turned to Oda.

“So, I gather you already know the situation?” Masamune was the first one to talk.

“I read the newspaper and saw the news, what about it?” Nobunaga knew where this go, so he started to carefully think what he should say. Knowing Masamune he will explode at any time. He noticed he was troubled.

“This might complicate things. Selene looks like is struggling with the situation. And...they found out about my house on the mountains and send a missile we barely escaped” Masamune took a seat and bury his face on his hands.

“Things are escalating. What about you? How are you doing with all this?” it was Nobunaga's turn to ask.

“It's like dealing with myself, and...I'm terrified. I don't want to loose her.” the sincerity on Masamune's voice surprised Nobunaga.

“You won't, we are here for you, for her.” Nobunaga put a hand on Masamune's shoulder.

Shingen arrived to find Selene working on automatic mode. She might fool the untrained eye but she was terrified and occupying herself in order to regain a bit of control. Smiling softly he approach and gave a warm salute.

“Oh Good Morning, my precious angel. I believe this is the entrance to heaven isn't it?” taking Selene's hand.

Selene stood there while looking at him without reacting to his words.. Shingen frown this is not the reaction he was hope for.

“Princess are you...?”

“Oh, sorry I've been absent minded lately. Too much work Mr. Takeda, are you here for an appointment with Mr. Oda?” Selene tried to regain her normal self but she was struggling. She needed time to think, but then she remembered her promised to Masamune.

“This situation have me a little rattled up that's all. Forgive me, will you like some tea,sweets anything for Mr. Sanada, Sarutobi or Mr. Uesugi?” she gave a look to the rest of the group.

“Tea will be good for all since we are on working hours right Kenshin?” Sasuke gave a look to Kenshin who was sited pretending to read a magazine.

“Whatever, I'm here because there is no other remedy.” Kenshin didn't bother to look up.

“OK, just pass to the conference room I will be bringing the refreshments there I will let know Mr. Oda you had arrived.” by now Selene was acting professional and normal.

Selene guided them to the conference room once she made sure everyone was comfortable she let know Nobunaga. At the same time went to the little kitchen to make some tea and sandwiches. When she arrived Masamune was cooking, apparently she wasn't the only one with anxiety. The kitchen although not as big as the one on his home had all the commodities a normal house needed including an oven, Microwave and a full refrigerator. When Selene began to work she noticed the place was all ways completely stacked with food. Taking mental note she always made sure it was ready for use. Masamune either was there or working on a case. Since this time she was the case he was cooking. Selene observed him from the door smiling. He was wearing a black apron, while moving in his element.

“Like what you see kitten?” Masamune turned to give her a wink.

“Yes, I do. Although I'm not used yet to see you with an apron.” Selene approached and try to get some of the essence of what he was cooking. “ You ok?” his smile didn't reached like always do. His eye was trying to hide the conflict inside of him.  

“You scared me this morning when we arrived.” he was chopping some vegetables. He wasn't recriminating her for it , but he sounded defensive.

“I'm sorry, I guess I just went into a defensive mechanism. You know not everyday I begin my mornings with an incoming missile and destroys my...” both look at the same time looking for the elusive word that was escaping them.

“It's there a term for us at this stage?” she ventured to ask.

“If it is, no one sent me the memo. All  I know kitten, is that whatever it is I hope to soon change that to a more official term.” he gave her a rapid kiss on the lips while continuing his task.

Selene felt her cheeks getting hotter, deciding not to add anymore, she prepared the tea and some sandwiches, on her way out she added.

“BTW, Shingen and his group are here, it seems they will stay for a while.”

“OK, I will add more portions. Let me know if something changes.”

“Thanks.” giving him a flushed smile Selene took the tray to the conference room.

Upon arriving the room everyone was verifying all the clues they had gathered about the case. Copies of the letters were obtained thanks to Kincaid, while Detective Katakura called again to let Masamune know that the missile was robbed from a facility on Russia. Which meant it was acquired on the black market ending the trace on that part. The investigation kept going for the next days.

“We just hit another dead end.” said Mitsurani to Sasuke both were working the network and any digital media.

The threats didn't match any Modus Operandi of any case on the police data base. Neither any case worked by Shingen's group or Nobunaga's. Comparing also the cases of Masamune and Mitsuhide gave nothing making the situation frustrating for everyone. After the second attempt things calmed down. Even the threats stopped being delivered. But an envelop left one morning in front of the building gave a reminder to the group that their predator was still at large. The envelop has a group of photographs where Selene appeared with any of them. Sometimes in group others with Masamune or with Nobunaga. Since the shooting incident the press started to report on Selene often making her prey of some unlawful rumors. With the photographs was a note also in Blood.

“Give me what I want and I will go away.”

“Ha?, what is that suppose to mean? I beat I need a break” Yuki was so upset that went out of the room to clear his mind.

Everyone was at their limit, it was then that Selene seemed to remember something.

“There was an horror book that I read once, what really called me out was that phrase. “Give me what I want and I will go away.” The book was about a group of people each with their own dark secrets. At the center was this girl who was innocent and yet caught on with them. Since she never agreed to their bidding they made her life a living hell. I need to make a call.” Selene went to her desk to make the call when Kenshin called her out.

“So how the book ended?”

Selene looked at Kenshin and said in a solemn tone. “She killed them all.” and left.

“I know, I know, yes you can come tomorrow to visit. Bring all of them if you want. Just make sure he also comes alright?” Ian hung up. Turning around he faces the man if everything goes according to plan after tomorrow what belong to us by birthright will come back to us.

The man dressing all in black and red converse shoes smiles while adjusting is Fedora.

“Good, I cant wait to see you once again my love.”

Nobunaga parked his car, it has been 6 years since they spoke. He swear he will never come back again. But right now Selene might need him if something didn't work out on their meeting of tomorrow. Entering by the backdoor he knocked the door and a grumble resembling “Come in” was heard. A cocky smile drawn on Nobunaga’s features.

“I guess some things never change uh Yasu?”

Notes: For some reason I struggle a lot with this chapter. Any comment or feedback is welcome. I hope you guys like it.

@elievalentine @datemasamunemaiwaifu @colivara @unstoppablelinda @yeshasays @masa-little-kitten @kimi00twin @jennacat84 @xathia-89 @notsafefortum-blr @sengokuotaku82 @serenity-writes @la-piperina @louveau @epicdragonlady @mikamiw

[gottalovelifeya]

First off let me say, I love her and want to be with her some of this may seem mean but all I can do is my best to get the complete msg out there and out there clearly.

Honestly after as open and honest as I've bene, and after putting up with this sick game, after telling her every last thing about myself, and after telling her every feeling I have for her, there's nothing I can say now toake her believe me.

If she throws all that away, because I forgot something wene asked, than honestly Itell still hurt, but I can definitely get over her, and I'm not saying that in a mean way.

These past 3 weeks, I've just had to put up with alot and and bene on a emotional rollercoaster, and you know what, ill still do it and would do it again of there was even a chance with her.

I just have this problem were I need to know information about potential threats/hazards/BS and she's never bene in a world like, were you have to plan for every single outcome were lives could be the price of not doing that, she dosnt understand, but that's one of my flaws I carry from my past, because I've seen a fucked up world were you don't just see your home town, wene your mind is on the globe as a hole and just haveing to consume news and media and know what's going on everywhere becuse you have to be ready to go there in a moment's notice to go fight and die, I spilled blood on the other side of the world so that people here don't have to think the way I do and experience what I've bene threw, you have to transform your mind into a mithoducal and cold calculated risk assessing thing, you have to imbrace that there are people in the world who want, you, your loved ones, and your fellow countrymen dead, all because they just hate that you exist

A good quote that summarizes why I'm this way, and it really speaks volumes

- good men do bad things, so that you can lay your head down at night and never have to see the reality of how terrifying the world is.

you have to fortify your mind and start thinking in a completely different way to love that life, you have to be ready and willing to do so really Hanis shit to keep the people close to you safe weather it's your brothers in arms or your family, because the world is nobody's friend, and I'm a product of the military mind set, it was our job, to find people and distroy them. And how I find people now is a extremely waters down version of why kinds of resources I had than.

But here in good ol' america you don't destroy people, you don't hunt down people, you don't phisicaly hurt someone unless it's a last resort, and a peacful agreement cant be reached. This is all just step to take preventative action latter so a real problem can't happen.

So lets talk about a little backdrop to set the tone for what all that means, so there's this other guy that if me and her got together like I've bene blogging about, I see a possibility of him being a problem, and once I have her I can't loose her to some dumb shit like this game were playing, so if I ever found out, I would go to his house nock on his door, and tell him to quit his shit, and thated be the end of it, and not trying to be scary but I know his name, face, work history, and phone number, and address.

With information like that, you just show up at someone's home and say hey don't fuck with my life or the people in it, and the magority of people in this world would take that as a sign to back off and comply. And thated just be the end of it

These past 3 weeks, All I know is Ive put up with to much shit and bene put threw to much pain and dread, and just living this horrible reality were were she actually is with someone else but have to accept it, because I can't just call him and end it or do some off the wall shit that would ultimately hurt her or make her look bad

So all I'm saying is, if I forgot to say one little detail wene you asked a question the worlds not ending so do t let it. I really am sorry I forgot to say something, but honestly wene I told you I knew his name I didn't know this other stuff, and there's no way it was just 4 days ago that I told you that I told you his name weeks ago.

Cut me a little slack, your not the one getting screwed over. I've bene nothing but good to you and done all you will let me do to help you. So don't throw away all we've talked about and cryed over because if this. I'm on your side, and you know what I just haven't bene treated right in all this, and I put up with it because in the end this life with you would be worth that. but that's not fair to me

Because I'm sorry to say, I've seen the world and know how bad it is, now yes running a background check on a boyfriend might be a little extreme and overkill for the situation, but hey, that's the world I come from, and I just need to know what I'm up against.

So love if you read this, this isn't me being mean or hatefull, I'm just trying to tell my story so I can read it, and figure it out on my side of things, I honestly don't think I did anything worng, I didn't intend to withhold information. Shit just happens, so please don't think bad of me

But that statement towerds the top, if your willing to though this away, or abandon me for a slip up, and just me haveing control over my life, and wanting information, than honestly the illusion will be broken and I'll be fine, if I'm worth that little to you, and if this of all things kills it you realy were just a dream

Again this is for me, this is my story of the night, I still love you, and I still want you, but if you cut off what we got going because you think I'm scary or hideing shit your a lost cause, because I can't fix or change that, that's a you thing at that point.

Don't take offense because your still saying you have to think about it. That's just the outcome of my thot process if you really cant come to terms or just accept that flaw of mine, becuse I accept your flaws, for better or worse, becuse nobody's perfect and love is looking past the flaws and seeing the person, and that why I tell you your perfect because I can see who you are, and I can see your soul and I know your a good person dispite the past and our current challenges.

We've just bene shaped by 2 different worlds, I promise I'm not a bad guy, and I promise I'm not scary, but information is power, and in that game I hold every card and hold It close to my chest. Because if there's ever a real problem itell get handled, because I don't play games on or with people, except for this one scenario we find our selves in now, because I see a light at the end of the tunnel and its your prity little face.

Regardless I'll always be here for you if you call and need something, weather it's me or just help from me. Hell it can litterly be anything you want.

Let me just explain this before I wrap this up, how do I find what I find, how do I know what I know, so anytime someone links there email to something, anytime they make an account, anytime you do anything on the internet, or register a vehicle, claim a asset, or do anything that gets submitted into a data base, you leave a trail behind you. So will call them "crumbs", so whenever someone wants to find something out they can use those "crumbs" to patch everything together, it's all public information, its all out there, anybody can do it, it's just learning to do it is the complicated part and it's something you have to show, I could never explain it to you, now there are hundreds of ways to protect yourself, but once your out there you can never make any of it go away, you can only prevent future "crumbs" from showing up, so it's all out there and anybody, can use the "crumbs" to search who you are and anything about you, everything I found was done legally, and it's all online, its there for the world to see, but again your average person dosnt think like me, because it's almost like a puzzle and you have to take words, emails, and found accounts, and then bend and find trends to find more, I believe it's called analytics but I'm not 100% basically is observation and patterns, and once you learn to see patterns the way I do, all you need is a single crumb, and for me that was his name, and then it leads to everything else. Public records are a scary thing, and the shit people post on the internet is baffling that you'd let random people see your life. I'll teach you about computer security of you want. And how to not leave "crumbs"

So I hope this all gives you something to think about and maby explains my feeling on it, I don't know honestly, I'm just more interested to see if you can except me at this point because I've told you everything and bene 100% honest, and with everything I've put up with in this situation, if you can't accept me now, itell say alot about you as a person, and again itell suck, but if you can't, than I honestly won't want anything to do with you, it would really feel like betrayal honestly, I've full given myself to you, and if this is enough to completely thro you off your game and think I'm a monster or a bad person, than wear not ment to be. I deal with my problems my own way and I make plains and seek information to prevent future problems.

Also that trust problems stuff, it really is just me being upset about the phone blocking thing, I think that's a sick discussting thing to do to someone who loves you. And ied appreciate it if you just never did it again.

And the trust comment about his address, water under the bridge.

So, I really do love you with all my heart, and I really do care about you and appreciate you. And all I want is to build a happy life and family with you.

I am a good person and I will be good to you and our future family, but to anybody who trys to take you or my family, they won't be tolerated. And I just don't see how that's a bad or scary thing, that I'm playing 4D Chess so that issues can't become problems. Hell look at my retirement as an example, I'm 23 and will never have financial problems, I've accounted for the future and played my cards smartly. So I know everything know so that I can peacefully resolve a situation later. That's all it is.

So reach out wene your ready, and I'll respect whatever you have to say about it, wether you accept it or if you don't, for better or worse. Just don't think I'm scary, and don't think any off this is mean, don't think anything bad would ever happen to him. I'm not a thug and I'm not a murderer, I'm simply a guy who looks out for himself and his household.

So just take your time and think, and hell ied almost say wait until you dicide to leave him or not, then reach out, but it's all about how you want this to go, I just know how fragile this is so this will be my last post, and I'll just wait on word from you. So if you read this and don't think I explained it well, or it just dosnt sit right with you.

Than, I love you, always remember I love you, and know in your heart for all my imperfections and all my flaws I love you, and Ill always here for you if you need me

And last but not least this isnt me giving up hope, and I'm not turning my back on you, my feelings are hurt, and my pacints is thin, but none of this is me trying to take It out on you, or me trying to be spitefull to you.

hopefully the next time we talk, you will accept me for me, and yull be single.

I love you

[stateofgrace-acoustic]

Taylor and Me

with reputation out and me loving it so much, i keep getting really nostalgic and astonished by how long i’ve been a fan of taylor’s and al the things she has accompanied me through. so i felt like posting a little reflection thing, feel free to ignore totally :D

like a lot of people Love Story was the first song of hers I heard. i was on the bus home with one of my friends and she let me listen to it. i was so young back then, oh my god. (like 12?) i think i found it catchy, but didn’t think much about it afterwards until two people had a presentation on taylor in music class. (we were all supposed to introduce our favorite artists). they played some more songs from fearless, and i can’t recall exactly what my reaction was but i know i wanted the album. i asked the presentation people if i could borrow it, and i remember looking through the booklet thinking how beautiful it was. i think even back then when i was so young i sort of intuitively understood what an amazing songwriter taylor was and how much work and effort she puts into everything she does.

fearless was for me very much an escapism record. i listened to it to enter this realm of magic and fairytales and dancing in the rain that was so far away from my everyday life and issues. i could never really apply her love songs to my life in a direct way, but i still felt like they were relatable for me, in a more abstract way - the feeling that came with them, a sort of freedom and passion, was how i felt in my happiest moments, when i didn’t feel inhibited by fear and doubt as i often did. and her nostalgic and sad moments i could relate to my own nostalgia as well. 

my mom bought me the fanbook for christmas, and that’s when i started being interested in taylor as a person as well., and how she sort of became my role model. i read about her childhood and the way she tried to achieve her dream so hard until she succeeeded. about how she wasn’t afraid to put herself out there, to open herself up completely in her songs. i admired how she put kindness above all else, how in touch she was with her fans, but also how intelligent she was and how all of her decisions in her career were her own, how she didn’t let anyone else take control over what her life or ‘image’ to the public should be. all of those things and values i took to heart and tried to live them in my own life as much as possible. looking back now i couldn’t be happier with my choice of a role model. taylor helped guide me through some years that were difficult, as they are for pretty much every teenager i guess. ‘fearless is living in spite of the things that scare you to death’ was the motto i needed so much in my life, because i was very much defined and trapped by my fears in my teenage years - of social interaction, of taking risks, of failure.. taylor’s music was something i could always turn back to to give me strength.

i remember when speak now was announced, i was excited out of my mind. i wrote the tracklist down onto my computer and kept looking at it. i loved all the released singles so much and listened to them for days on end. i painted 13s onto my hands and danced around the living room. that is one of the main things that comes to my mind when i think of happy teenage memories: this image of me dancing to a taylor swift song. 

speak now was an album that completely blew me away. i loved every single track from the first listen. it is still so incredible to me how she wrote that album completely by herself at 19; how talented she is with lyrics and melodies that completely fit together. i had some fan account back then on twitter and didnt shut up about taylor ever. 

around that time, my parents and i were planning this huge vacation in Calfornia that would turn out to be one of my best - perhaps THE best experience of my teenage years, and we figured out that a the time we wanted to go, the Speak Now tour was in LA. my parents agreed to get tickets because they knew how much it meant to me, and also because they were lowkey fans themselves:D you can’t imagine how happy i was. it was my first concert ever, and the fact that i got to experience it in that huuuge location with so so many other people, it was like a dream. i was pretty far away from the stage at the side, but it was perfect for me - i think the huge crowd would have overwhelmed me. i was completely enthralled by the huge setup, the stage aesthetics, the costume changes, just how big and well planned it all was. i ended up thinking all concerts were like this, but i remember my dad saying that artists usually don’t talk that much during concerts. but taylor told the stories behind her songs, universal experiences that people could relate to, inspirational messages she wanted to get out to her fans. she really cared so much about connecting with all of us. when she was in the love story cage thing flying around the arena she even waved in the direction of our seating area even though we were so far up! 

my favorite song from speak now was always long live, and i had desperately wanted her to play the song for the entire night. i loved all the rest, obviously, but i was telling myself not to be disappointed if it would be cut out. but then, almost at the end, she did play it! you can imagine small!me standing there almost crying quietly singing along in a state of absolute happiness. the memory makes me tear up right now ahhh, it was such an amazing moment. 

then came up the red era, and i remember staying up til super late to watch the announcement of the new album. the thing is...to make it short, red simply came too early for me. i was not ready, and not being able to fully comprehend and appreciate, the emotional maturity and sheer genius of the red album. i did not really like wanegbt at first. when red came out i did listen to it a lot and like it, but like i said, i could not fully appreciate it. hearing the general fandom discussions i feel like a lot of people had a similar experience, because red was such a leap from speak now in terms of the tone of the writing. im also gonna be honest here, i was influenced by the negative portrayal of taylor in the media that kinda reached its first peak back then, and even though i didnt buy into what they said about her because i knew better, it still influenced me like subconsciously, you know? i was also a bit sceptical at her direction towards pop music. so overall, i became a bit distanced from taylor. i felt like i needed to ‘outgrow’ her. a lot of it also had to do with the fact that it was my Edgy Phase where i thought being normal was a bad thing and i wanted to be as Special and Grownup as possible. (i think everyone has that cringeworthy phase sometime in their life but i hate remembering it:D). 

but the thing is, i think i needed that kind of alienation to eventually realize that taylor had grown up just like i had, but that didn’t mean we had to grow apart. by the time 1989 was announced i had actually done a great leap in maturity and had outgrown this thing where you idealize celebrities, and was able to see taylor as a person, with flaws and insecurities like everyone else, and that this didnt diminish her incredible talent of what a kind and wonderful person she is. 

i was not the biggest fan of 1989 itself (multiple reasons; i still liked it though, just didnt love it), but paradoxically, I felt closer to taylor again during the new era than during red. i kinda missed the red era now and regretted that i wasnt more involved when it was there (i still do). but i loved taylor’s new attitude, i was glad she had found happiness in independence and relying on herself. i loved the cat videos and the polaroids and the voice memos that gave insight into the creation of the songs. also, blank space was my jam and still is. since that ive been a huge fan of this super smart move of hers of taking all the things people throw at her and embodying it ironically. iconic!!

so since i was a bit more involved again (though clearly not as much as in my early swiftie days) i wanted to see the 1989 tour, and did! throughout the show i realized how much had changed, but also everything - the important things - that stayed the same (her interactions with the fans, the speeches, etc.) and i had tons of fun. it was like a giant party with strangers - which is obviously a very different feel to speak now, but loved it :D

i was worried that taylor would go into hiatus after 1989 because she always talked about how it was her best work yet, and it broke so many records and won so many awards, that i thought she might be scared she couldnt top it, and taylor always wants to top herself. i ended up being right, though the hiatus was more about all the drama and accusations because people just cant stop being awful. they cant take the idea of a smart talented woman who also shows vulnerability. 

but ive been awaiting a new album all this time, because generally i thought taylor doing pop had so much potential, i just wasnt completely a fan of the general direction of 1989. however....i never would have imagined loving the album as much as i do. i wrote a separate review about it, but basically - i totally love how reputation is big and confident but also super up close, intimate and deep at the same time. it’s darker, but it’s a powerful and sensitive sort of dark at the same time, if that makes sense. i can totally vibe to the general mood of the album because i think i can relate it to how i feel about my life right now a lot. also loving how taylor has truly found a place of happiness and trust after having been let down by ...the world?...so harshly. i love the aesthetic of the magazines and the poems, just everything about this era.

so basically, this album has completely pulled me back again to stanning taylor, and i think it’s kinda beautiful how i’ve come ‘full circle’ and am now back to hyping her music again as i used to :) i connect some of my most life defining and most precious memories with taylor, and i am glad i somehow found back to her and her music as i start off my twenties. 

im looking forward to getting involved in the fandom again so much, and i can’t wait to see what the next year has in store for us all :’)

[thejourneytofindingmyself]

The story so far

After 10 years of struggling with my mental health and having multiple diagnosis' along the way including OCD, social anxiety, anorexia nervosa and depression, I now recognise that the underlying factor causing my struggles may be undiagnosed autism.

Throughout my life I have felt like everyone has been given a guide book to tell them how to be human, how to behave and how to interact. All of these things are confusing to me. A year or so ago I remember asking my partner and family why people feel the need to say morning and bye when they leave the office. Before this, people would say morning to me and bye and I wouldn't say anything because I did not understand the need to? If I'm there or going, why say it? Isn't it obvious? I have learnt now that this is "normal" so I do it. I struggle with conversations. When is it my turn to speak? What should I reply? Am I giving the right amount of eye contact? Do i need to reply to that? When I talk to people, I don't feel the need to look at them but I know this is something that should be done? When I look at people it makes me very uncomfortable and I feel like eyes give out a lot of emotion which can be difficult to take in. I go through stages where I use certain sentences such as "I'll let you off" or "oh dear" or "right" in conversations, they seem to be my go to words when I am unsure what to say. A lot of my conversations are scripted and I say the things that feel right for that conversation.

Sometimes people talk to me and I have no idea what they are saying or what they mean. I often have to get people to repeat themselves and really force myself to concentrate in order to understand. I recently went out on a saturday for the first time ever with work colleagues and was asking someone I work with what I should talk about in the car on the way. She explained that you cant really plan it, it just depends on the conversation. It seems these things come natural to other people but for me they need to be planned and I worry about them a lot. I much prefer texting or emailing someone rather than actually going to them and saying something face to face. Even if I'm in the same room I prefer to do it just to avoid the interaction.

I know that I often come across as uninterested. And a lot of my replies are mainly yeah, yeah, yeah. I also find that I regularly reply in sentences with that's nice or I don't care. If something doesn't interest me or doesn't affect me, I dont tend to be bothered about it.

I sometimes repeat what people say. Especially when with my partner Meg or people I am more comfortable around. This is because it sometimes helps me to process it and I just get the urge to repeat it. I often say phrases or songs relating to an object or what we are talking about for an example when moving the doorbell, "ding dong the Avon lady" 😂😂

A lot of the time people at work will say "I'm only joking!!!" And I don't realise. Sometimes the tone I use must be wrong or come across in a different way to what I mean. For example someone I work with saying I'm snapping and saying something like "give me my head back!!" But I do not mean for it to come across like that.

I hate training or team meetings etc. It is very overwhelming being with a lot of people. I could not participate in the activities in my recent training day. I just stayed sitting down when asked to get up and move around and talk to people. My manager has asked me regularly how these sitations make me feel as she can sense that I am uncomfortable however I haven't been able to find the words that's why I ended up writing all of my difficulties down to show her. Then during the day at training, I ended up leaving the room because things got too much. I often have to do this. Especially in busy places like restaurants. I also have to specifically pick the seat. "Dr Campbell says social masking requires considerable effort and this usually results in extreme exhaustion, necessitating periods of social isolation. "Some of my clients use the term 'peopling', so when they've been 'peopling' for a long time, that they would then like to have a period of not 'peopling'," she says."

At another training day a few months ago, I also really struggled with an introduction activity and found that I kept going to speak when the person delivering the training was still taking and I did not know at what point was my turn. I feel like maybe this was the trigger point of my recent low episode. I was really embarrassed and thought why cant I just be normal and know what to say and do. I never know whether people have just paused or finished talking? I also find it difficult when people don't say what they mean. I need people to be very direct with me. An example of this is a manager at work saying that she walks further to smoke, I asked if it's in case she gets wrong off the big boss and she said yes however I still stood in the same place to smoke and didn't realise till that night when discussing it with my partner that this might have been a hint. I feel I spend a lot of time going over conversations I have had with people and what was said. I also have found that people say to me a lot including my managers, what are you trying to say??? When I am trying to explain a situation.

Another example of difficulties with social situations is getting a takeaway. I forgot once that we needed to pay with cash and I just shut the door in his face whilst i went and got the money and didn't realise how inappropriate this was to not say two seconds. Another example, someone talking to me in the lift on holiday and I got out and didn't say bye? Only realised this wasn't normal when I told my partner. Another example when people want to small talk. There is just no need for this. I would prefer to sit in silence. When people say comments such as "watch the floor", I actually stood still at work recently when a cleaner said this and was going to watch the floor until I realised that they meant not to actually watch the floor. I find that I take things very literally. I remember as a child when an advert was on the telly and I literally thought nannas knit shreddies. Like why is banana bread called banana bread???? It isn't bread. As a child my mam took me to the doctors and I was diagnosed with OCD. I used to line up all my stuff on my dresser table and was very particular about things like needing my curtain tucked behind my radiator, needing all my teddies lined up in a certain way and needing my duvet tucked in a certain way. I needed to check windows were locked etc. Looking back, I also remember not playing with toys in a normal way. I used to like lining up my friends army men. I had bratz and polly pockets but didn't necessarily play with them. I would line them up and dress and undress them. I would love going round friends houses and cleaning their rooms/organising their stuff. Growing up I have really struggled with mental health and developed anorexia in school. In school, I struggled with relationships. I felt I had to fit in. I completely left my primary school friends and dressed and tried to be like the "popular" people. In primary school I regularly fell out with friends and moved from one "best friend" to another. I also struggled knowing how to maintain friendships and found I was very intense and all or nothing. Friendships are also always still only on my terms. I was invited out for dinner with the "popular" group in secondary but I never talked or joined in because I didn't know how. I went to Alton towers with one of the girls and she fell out with me after because we did not talk whilst we were there. I get very attached to people very quickly. Will say love you etc.. My reports started to decline in secondary school and I regularly got detentions and sent out of classrooms for attempting to be the class clown and fit in. Looking back I think this was copied behaviour. In school and college I also developed intense relationships with some teachers I felt I connected with. I would often leave class to seek out these teachers and spent a lot of time out of lessons in student support. In college and university, I refused to work with other people. I preferred it on my own. I would sit outside the classroom in college to do my work because I preferred it and found the class to loud. In university, I only really had one friend and again hated working with other people and group work. I much prefer to be able to do things my way and don't like sharing ideas or communicating. I have found that I got bullied in college a lot because of leaving lessons and people thinking I was a "snob" because I did not talk. I still find it difficult to be friends with people and find that I don't know the right way to be ? How often should I talk to them, should I send another message, do they not like me they haven't replied? It's all very confusing. I also find it difficult knowing what the boundaries are with my managers and how "cheeky" I can be??? I will also go through stages where I eat certain things repeatedly for a few weeks and then wont eat them again for a while. This was even more so the case when I was a teenager with anorexia.

A couple of years ago my 4 year old niece was diagnosed with autism. Last year I dealt with a case, a 16 year old girl who had autism but was not diagnosed until she was 17. I found a lot of similarities between myself and this girl and found I could really relate to her difficulties including self harm, depression and school issues. I also went to a training event around autism in girls and masking and found a lot of similarities. I am also now working with an 11 year old child who has not yet been diagnosed and find I can also relate and see a lot of similarities with what he says. For example issues with waiting. I hate waiting and get really really anxious. And issues with routine. I love routine and find it really difficult if my partner just says should we go out somewhere. I like things to be planned. He also paces around the room. I tend to do this if I am anxious or waiting.

I constantly bounce my leg and find that it is soothing. It helps to lower my anxiety. At home I also find that I will start doing things such as rocking without even noticing and moving my feet or toes. I also spend most of the time chewing my gums or lips and think this is an anxiety related thing.

I struggle with other day to day stuff. Like knowing left and right. Reading a 24 hour clock. Constantly losing things, even if I have just had them. Losing my phone, my keys. All the time. This really stresses me out. I will have it a minute ago and then just cant find it. A lot of the time when I am walking into a room with people in or feeling overwhelmed I will dig my nails in to my fingers or hand. Or in the shops.

Prior to taking antidepressants, I would really get angry and would do things such as hit myself and punch things if things were not right. For example my hair on a morning needs to feel perfect, or if I couldn't find a place to park my car. I still get really annoyed at the smallest things.

I also get really overwhelmed about things for example on a night knowing we have to have tea, clean the house, do the dishes, have a shower ect. This overwhelms me and I get angry about this at times. This leads to me snapping at people. I like a routine of having a bath by 6pm and having tea around 7.30pm.

Although I do struggle with things at work such as talking to people and knowing how to interact with colleagues etc, it doesn't affect my role. I feel as if my role is very structured and routined. I feel I do relate to "masking" at work and this is why I am often so exhausted when I get home.

I feel like it often takes me quite a while to respond to people because I need time for me to know what to reply. I only realise I don't reply straight away when people are waiting for an answer. I also don't often understand emotions. How I am feeling and how other people are feeling. I often have the view, shit happens. The child I spoke about earlier recently said to me "I didn't learn how to feel in primary". I got that. I struggle with these things to. I struggle to be empathetic and understand other people's views and emotions. My grandad died recently, while he was poorly I would say to people when they asked how he was "dying" people thought this was blunt and brutal but it was the truth. And after he died i would regularly come out with my grandads dead. I think this was my way of trying to process it.

I am also really blunt and straight to the point with people. For example "you can leave now". "Your pissing me off" I don't really think about how my comments might impact someone. I remember when I was around my childminders at about the age of 8 or 9 and i said to someone "are you not going home yet I'm sick of the sight of your face". I remember my childminder being absolutely gob smacked at this.

I really struggle with "fashion" and what goes together. I much prefer just feeling comfortable.

Sometimes when I get home from work I literally could just lie in darkness in bed and not talk for the rest of the night.

I often have to be told instructions multiple times and prefer things wrote down as this is easier for me to process and understand.

I regularly set alarms and write lists to plan the day.

I feel like through the years I have used things to cope with life such as anorexia and in turn has resulted in different diagnoses including OCD, anorexia, social anxiety and depression but I feel like there is still something underlying and something that makes me different. It is getting exhausting pretending to be "normal" all the time and not knowing why I am the way I am.

"It seems that other people's normality was the road to my insanity"

"Many of us do not realise how much of our true selves we have been masking until we feel utterly lost"

[comicteaparty]

April 11th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on April 11th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Kitty Kitty Bang Bang by Moe.

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RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Kitty Kitty Bang Bang by Moe~! (https://tapas.io/series/kkbbcomic)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Superjustinbros

Hello!

RebelVampire

hey super~!

Superjustinbros

Coming in and I'd like to give a big shoutout to that header image on the comic's Tapas(edited)

I dunno, I thought it looked badass

RebelVampire

it is a nice header image. although what sells it for me is the logo design. its a really nice logo.

for favorite scene, hmm. ya know, i cant not pick it. the convention scene. that scene legit almost made me cry at how touching it is both with its message about how anyone can cosplay whatever they want regardless of how they look. not to mention the themes of reaching out to others. all wrapped in a nice package of no dialogue so that its the emotions at the center forefront.

Superjustinbros

Yeah.

Also this guy's hair.

RebelVampire

i like his hair and his smile combination. like both scream cocky little shit design wise and i love it cause he kind of is a cocky little shit. XD

Superjustinbros

Oh yes XD

Cocky little shits are my favorite

RebelVampire

another scene i want to show some appreciation too is the scene where we first meet kit's mom. like, i knew it was coming from the chapter title. but i enjoyed the twist it was her step-mom and theres a deeper issue going on. it turned what was easy to guess to something surprising again just by how the story plays out the reveal

Superjustinbros

https://tapas.io/episode/1370747 This is a pretty good page.

Hm, Doug McClure sounds a awful lot like this chap. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUg6e072vgA

RebelVampire

anything in particular you like about it super?

Superjustinbros

The last two panels.

And the followup

https://tapas.io/episode/1371714

dat backside

RebelVampire

i really love the back shot composition. like what a great way to show overwhelming odds

mathtans

Evening. Made it as far as the start of the Bully arc, so late 2018.

Superjustinbros

Yeah. Also ello

I love also how Doug's got like, a million pouches on his belt

I dunno it's a detial I like

mathtans

Yeah, the convention stuff was good. Some of those real-life scenarios that made you want to shake people are good when done right.

Superjustinbros

Yes

mathtans

I'm not sure if I have a big favourite moment, but I have some little ones. Like when that "pinball wizard" thing played as Kit was taking on that nozzle in the gaming store, and it turned out it was the coworker.

The guy at the school in the knight suit, who had the fascination with corndogs. Weird background detail, added some humour to an otherwise tense scene.

RebelVampire

i love the corndog knight

i want a spin-off comic of just them

cause i want to know about them

why are they a knight

why corndogs

so many questions

mathtans

Heh. Made me think of that other bounty hunter, pointy-ears, who also couldn't speak.

Also, did not expect the female reveal there.

And I liked how the scientist flipped out over his research having the higher bounty than himself. Like, that trumped everything else he was in the process of dealing with and he went on a rampage. Amusing.

RebelVampire

yeah the scientists in general was fairly hilarious in everything he tried to prioritize. although i enjoyed that at the end of the mission the crystal wound of broken anyway. cause i felt it was fitting given everything it had been through

mathtans

I thought it was really clever how the rock was used to blind the scientist. Kitty is this weird mix of hyper competent (like when she used the snack habits of that one guy to track him down) and absent-minded (like when she then didn't make a grab for the compound).

I'm not saying that's unrealistic or anything, I can totally see it.

Very "living in the moment" with a dash of forward thinking.

RebelVampire

nah i agree shes a really interesting character. like at first i wasnt sure id like her but some of her plans have been pretty spot. and to be fair a lot of the absent-minded ness you could write off as it her being a kid. so of course shes expected to be a kid and not always think through with her actions.

a more comedic moment i liked was at the end of Mor where Kit and Mary both have to stand there awkwardly making their false apologies to the whole school. this page especially cracks me up just cause of the sheer height diff between the two. i think that makes it extra hilarious https://tapas.io/episode/1215017

mathtans

It's true. And I'm still wrapping my head around the kid thing.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. One of the comic’s focuses and highlights are the action sequences found within. Of the characters Kit has pursued so far in her bounties, which has been your favorite? Why is that? Likewise, which bounty did you think had the best fight choreography? What do you specifically think makes the choreography the best one? Do you think we’ll see any of the criminal characters again? If so, what could that mean for Kit? Considering many of the villains parody stereotypes and similar things, what other sorts of characters do you think or hope we might see? Lastly, do you believe Kit will encounter more of her professional rivals? If so, what do you think will happen?

its okay i had my struggles wrapping my head around but the convention scene really cemented it for me for some reason. but that might just be personal association of conventions being largely for the youth.

mathtans

Incidentally, I wondered initially about the use of "der"... and then when Kitty used the term "Hoser" I thought she was Canadian. That proved incorrect, what with the Norwegian thing.

Ahh... yeah, I went to a certain convention for 20 years straight soooo...

Like, I want to ship, but it feels wrong. Normally if they're young I just think of it as cute, or picture them as older, and neither of those things kinda work here.

I wonder how big Kitty's gonna get when she's 20.

RebelVampire

i didnt start going to conventions till i was an adult but at the same time my experiences is that theyre largely dominated by the youth. not to say there arent older adults there. but the youth are the ones always around drawing attention to themselves being loud. but i digress, just wanted to give context for why it worked for me

mathtans

That's fair.

RebelVampire

tbh i just assumed she was full grown. cause i was actually only an inch or two shorter than my full height at 13 cause i sprouted up early

mathtans

As to the question of the moment, I admit I'm not huge on seeing action and choreography, tending to be bigger on characters anyway. Which is probably why that scientist one sticks out so much, since we got his whole backstory and everything.

I am gonna be in for such a shock when my little one grows up, aren't I.

That short gangster guy who stole the boat might return. It was implied.

RebelVampire

and i legit cant imagine kit taller cause she literally towers over everyone. although is she still shorter than her dad? cause if she is, shell probably be his height.

mathtans

I think she is. I'm equally bad at noticing that sort of thing.

RebelVampire

id have to look again just cause it wasnt something i was looking for and her dad was only in so many scenes XD

im torn on my answer to this question of the moment. i think i agree i like the scientist the best cause he got a lot of backstory. not to mention when kit was doing their dialogue for them from the roof i was like "nah shes gotta be exaggerating" then we meet the scientist and nope, he really is just that arrogant and she was spot on. so overally he was definitely the most entertaining

but for fight choreography, im picking the first bounty with the spin off kool aid man. i really enjoyed the use of the environment and just the sheer level of destruction that was visited upon that grocery store

mathtans

She knows her business. I wonder how long she's been at it.

Oh yeah, almost forgot about that one. I liked when Kitty roped the random customer.

RebelVampire

i liked when after the fight ended, the old lady asked if the employee who was buried under rubble basically could get her a new box

MoeAlmighty

And that was most difficult one to come up with

mathtans

The one with the orcs going after cows was also good, not for the fight (which I think was offscreen) but world building. Until then it was sort of, like, what's reality here anyway.

Oh, hello creator.

MoeAlmighty

Hello there all ^^\

mathtans

Rebel: That was a good scene for setting the tone.

Superjustinbros

Hello Moe!

MoeAlmighty

Thank you. It's always a challenge to come up with a beginning for a series.

Superjustinbros

Thanks for this cool comic of yours.

MoeAlmighty

Howdey

Thanks

Superjustinbros

No probs

And yeah all this talk about conventions is reminding me of all the ones I've been going to lately. Comic focused ones and hugely commercial conventions are easily the most populated-by-youth ones.

mathtans

"Annie" con was a clever name.

MoeAlmighty

It was a little play on words. I always like to make those little puns when I can(edited)

RebelVampire

i did enjoy the orcs with the cows. probably just cause of the extreme accent going on in that dialogue. but i also just love this concept that someone would think clearly humans are only good cause they drink milk. like someone really watched those got milk commercials too much.

mathtans

I very much approve of puns. Also Senshi Kitty.

The head orc was milking his time in the spotlight.

Superjustinbros

Puns are always good

RebelVampire

i do agree with you math that i got the impression well see the gangster who got away from the scientist again at some point. what it means for kit? i could see her being extra determined to catch him since he got away last time. but then maybe thats when well see buff elf chick again who is out for revenge.

MoeAlmighty

Defintely. Orcs have always been my favorite fantasy race to play around with

mathtans

biab

RebelVampire

i do appreciate orcs getting some love in a way cause in my experience theyre really underutilized in a lot of fantasy settings. can find elves everywhere, but nobody wants the orcs.

MoeAlmighty

Well nothing is off the table.^^

Orcs have always been treated as the bad guy or the henchman merely due to their monsterous appearence.

RebelVampire

speaking of not elves, i really like that this guy turned out to be the real villain from bully bully https://tapas.io/episode/1348464. partly cause it was a good twist that it was a bully victim becoming the bully. since that is very true to life. but also, selfishly, i noticed this character immediately in the background one time and i was like "ah man what an interesting looking side chara too bad well never learn about him" and then we learned about him.

QUESTION 3. Even in Kit’s dynamic world, she still has some unique mysteries surrounding her. Why do you think Kit is the only female in her family to receive Freyja’s blessing/curse, especially after it’s been so long it’s almost a myth? What do you think the story is behind Kit’s rage modes that seem to take over when she gets mad? What do you think happened to Kit’s mother, and why is Kit so sensitive about the subject of her mother in general? Additionally, why did Mary calling her mother a whore set her off in particular? Lastly, how do you think Kit got involved with being a Bounty Killer? Why do you think her family lets her pursue the career given how dangerous it all is?

MoeAlmighty

Oh yeah the Goblin. I thought it was a perfect opprotunity to not just introduce the Goblins , but I was also playing around with laying out clues in plain site for the reader to notice.

Superjustinbros

That's smart thinking/writing

MoeAlmighty

There are plans for future stories that are straight up mysteries Kit will have to sovle.

RebelVampire

that sounds exciting and like a good challenge for her character too.

in regards to the current question, i want to dissect the fact that kit's specific phrasing about her mother was that mary hadnt even cared who her mother was as a person. and to a degree, i kind of feel like it was projecting that set her off. that kit herself didnt know a whole lot about her mother. so it might not be so much that her mom was called a whore that did it, but that someone would make a bold claim about her mother when kit herself didnt even know her that well and has since lost the chance to get ot know her. but thats just me theorizing.

mathtans

Back, little one's asleep in the crib again. For now.

MoeAlmighty

Mm hm, It would show that Bounty Killers in the world aren't used for just nabbing a bad guy with a hefty sum on their head. Sometimes folks need someone to investigate with the police's involvement and not ask any questions

mathtans

Was Kitty maybe given up for adoption? (Is that what makes her worthy of the cat ears?)

The police were handy against the scientist too, for a little while.

Superjustinbros

That's a good way of expanding upon bounty hunters.

RebelVampire

i dont think given up for adoption fits cause mor said shes the step mom which implies kit's father is her biological dad. that and there is one pic where the dad is with the mom

mathtans

Oh, right. We did see her biological mom in that holiday special though, didn't we? And Kitty must remember enough to have taken up violin playing (on the roof). So... yeah I dunno.

RebelVampire

thats interesting to know that the bounties arent just for nabbing bad guys. although makes me wonder what kit is going to do when shes told to do something shady and just not ask questions

mathtans

Or was that not the biological mom, was that a younger Dar?

I can't see Kit not asking questions.

RebelVampire

that was her step-mom. her bio mom we only see briefly in a pic

https://tapas.io/episode/1279607

mathtans

I wasn't sure if it was her dad remembering another time in that scene though. Like, the previous stuff was a memory.

(I also don't get enough sleep these days.)

RebelVampire

i could see how youd get that interpretation but pretty sure it was the step-mom and the bio mom was just in the picture

MoeAlmighty

There are a lot of things I don't want to say because of spoilers and I'll be answering those kind of questions down the road. But to answer the question pretaining to Mary, they do indeed have some History as hinted.

mathtans

Mary is actually the younger cousin of the short boat-stealing gangster.

It's why her dad went into law.

MoeAlmighty

heh. that is a pretty interesting theory.

mathtans

(I need to have at least one insane theory and one ship per comic chat. I think it's in my contract.)

RebelVampire

puns are also in your contract math. although you already fulfilled that one.

mary's dad kind of spooks me. like hes a really domineering presence and idk if i want to believe hes good or bad.

MoeAlmighty

Truth is, when I created Mary, she was developed as just the rich girl who presented herself as Ms. Perfect while also having the spoiled brat persona as well

Superjustinbros

lol

mathtans

Oh right. Well, those come naturally. I wonder if her dad is part orc.

Superjustinbros

That's one of many ways to describe that

MoeAlmighty

Best way to describe him is that he's a Lawyer... a very wealthy lawyer.

Oh no, he's part Dutch lol

mathtans

Incidentally, I kind of like that Kit's got both cat ears and human ears, it tends to be how I draw my characters too (even if mine are just headbands). But it does make me wonder how the curse might have rewired her brain to deal with the extra input.

Oooh, a flying dutch man.

RebelVampire

all the dads just drink lots of milk

Superjustinbros

What about Doug.

RebelVampire

to be fair if kit's cat ears are more sensitive than her human ones the extra input probably doesnt matter cause one would hear it better than the other anyway. at worst i imagine things just sound even louder XD

mathtans

It's that special beer.

Maybe it's partly why Kat's so on edge at times.

Superjustinbros

mm, beer

Wait, what kind of beer we talkin

MoeAlmighty

It's kind of a mix bag with it comes to her ears. Internally they do connect to her regular ears and she can hear through them, but only if she concentrates. Mostly they just act like a short range radar or a sixth sense. Something like spidey's spider sense.

Ah yes, I've notice some folks like our esteem adventurer. Others not so much

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Besides the action, there is still a lot of slice-of-life material to be had in the comic as well. Do you think Kit will eventually tell Bia about her career? How do you think Bia will react to finding out about it? What challenges do you foresee awaiting Bia and Kit as their relationship continues to develop and secrets reveal themselves? Further, how do you see Kit balancing her school life in general with her job? Will she manage to maintain her grades and everything, or will things prove tougher than she expects? In terms of Kit’s regular life, what things are you hoping to see be explored in how she lives her day-to-day life? Lastly, are there any themes (like bullying) that caught your eye from the slice-of-life segments? What about them did you enjoy?

mathtans

It's cool that youv'e thought about that.

Honestly, the bounty-hunters clashing, while not necessarily slice-of-life, felt realistic and added depth to the idea of the job. Also revealed how their methods are non-lethal. And was the first ship I considered.

MoeAlmighty

Ah yes, I had a lot of folks doing a double take when I revealed her age.

RebelVampire

unrelated to the current question, i really hope we get to see more bounty killers in the story just cause they cant all work out as well as buff elf chick. also id really like to get a feel for the age range cause its concerning the gov was like "nah a 13 year old bounty killer? thats fine"

mathtans

That's a good point. Did she register under an assumed name?

Superjustinbros

Seconding Rebel.

MoeAlmighty

Well due to Kit's size, she may or may not of lied about her age when she took the job

mathtans

Also, I feel like the construction job field gets a lot of work in this universe. We only see Kitty's exploits but there have to be other incidents in the world as well.

Actually, magicians too must be a thing. And mimes.

Did not expect the mimes.

MoeAlmighty

Their are plans to explore other parts of world. One in particular is the Bounty Pick Up units sent to pick up the bounties and make out the reports.

Yes, beware the mimes ^^

I will be exploring a lot more of the Magis and how the magic works as well.

mathtans

Silent but deadly.

MoeAlmighty

very

mathtans

That short magic comic did a good job, I thought.

And I liked the money van guy critiquing the pun.

MoeAlmighty

Hm Hm, well not everything can be a homerun for our little cat girl

RebelVampire

yeah i really liked the short magic comic. cause it was funny and really did some good world-building

i also loved the cowboy bank robber

just cause he was a cowboy

and that was ridiculous

mathtans

Oh yeah, forgot about him.

I wonder how Kitty practices her quick draws.

Where do they lock these guys up, anyway? Regular jails seem like they wouldn't be sufficient.

MoeAlmighty

Yes, you don't see that many cowboys these days. But it was a perfect nod for one of the inspirations of the comic

Superjustinbros

Cowboys are fun.

MoeAlmighty

Um, they go to regular prison and go through the same process as the law provides^^

Superjustinbros

Always love one with an appealing design when one shows up.

MoeAlmighty

Very much so

RebelVampire

what sort of lawyer is mary's dad?

mathtans

How do you lock up an orc so that he doesn't just bend the bars?

MoeAlmighty

He's a defense lawyer

mathtans

He lawyers der fence.

RebelVampire

ah so i can say maybe mary's dad defends all these criminals kit tries to send to jail.

MoeAlmighty

Booooo

It's a possibility and her dad is very much against the Bounty Killer and the Bounty Board in general

Superjustinbros

ooh, is that so(edited)

mathtans

Circling back to Bia, it'd be amusing if someone in her family was also a bounty hunter. Kitty admits it and she's like, "oh, okay, I can see how you'd be good at that too".

RebelVampire

just to talk a bit about the current question, i do feel its inevitable kit has to tell bia about her job. cause i mean...kit isnt the most undestructive. just takes one time of showing up burnt to a crisp to school to give it away. but i think bia is gonna take it better than kit thinks shell take it. cause tbf, if i was bia i would not be surprised.

tbf i kind of agree with mary's dad. they might be catching criminals, but holy shit that property damage

mathtans

I feel like Bia might find out not through Kit though. Like maybe even via Kit's brother. Which could strain the relationship.(edited)

RebelVampire

especially the property damage caused by the scientist

cause even if they have the money to fix it, it still takes time

mathtans

Or magic.

MoeAlmighty

Bia finding out Kit is a Bounty Killer is inevitable, and it might happen happen sooner than you think

RebelVampire

it could strain their relationship too. though for some reason i feel for bia itd be more about the age thing than the danger thing if that makes sense. cause the career suits kit. just maybe not when kit is still 13, in school, and all that

mathtans

'Cept her dad is okay with it.

I feel like I'd totally be that dad by the way. Who makes concessions. Then ends up in trouble with mom too.

MoeAlmighty

It is going to a very unique exploring the relationship Kit and Bia have. In many ways, Bia will act more like the straight man of the relationship

Well Edward looks at it more like she's hunting game. expect the part of gutting it and cleaning it for food^^

RebelVampire

i just want to say i really love kit's dad and i hope we get to see him more. he seems just so utterly likeable. like a gentle giant

mathtans

Just want to give a shout-out to the school nun badass. Possibly like the opposite to dad.

MoeAlmighty

He is indeed^^

Superjustinbros

Since the CTP is wrapping up in a bit, I'd like to wish @MoeAlmighty the best of luck with Kitty Kitty Bang Bang, it's got a great artstyle, story, and some good humor.

mathtans

Oh right, pretty good stuff done with only black and white too.

MoeAlmighty

Yes, Beatrice is indeed a beast^^

Thank you so much^^

Superjustinbros

You're welcome! ^^

RebelVampire

yeah i loved the nun. especially her epic entrance and this page https://tapas.io/episode/1188530

like everything about that page is perfect

"Keeper of the Lunch Period"

MoeAlmighty

God help the guilty

mathtans

Indeed.

Probably a bumper sticker on her car.

MoeAlmighty

I'm sure everyone here remembers that one teacher that kept everyone in check at lunch period

best bumper sticker ever

mathtans

Kitty has some nice exclamations too.

Superjustinbros

lol

Anyways, cya till next time, and thanks for dropping by @MoeAlmighty

^^

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Moe, as well, for making Kitty Kitty Bang Bang. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Moe’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: https://tapas.io/series/kkbbcomic

Moe’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/MoeAlmighty

Moe’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/theMoeAlmighty

[themoneybuff-blog]

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Bonus frugal points if you change your online passwords to something that has personal significance, such as WeDDingDAy8192020, or 19YEarsLEftonMORTgage, or EARLYretire2028 these little reminders of where your dollars could be going instead might help you from overbuying. 7. Always buying retail Why automatically pay full price? Instead of heading straight to the shopping center when you need (or want) something, consider these options instead: Thrift shops: Some are junky, but others are great. Its like a treasure hunt. (Pro tip: Find out if there are senior discounts or other special deals. For example, a secondhand store my daughter likes offers 50 percent off every Monday.)Consignment stores: Like thrift shops, except theyre more discriminating about whats accepted.Flash sales: While online shopping should be approached with caution, sometimes a sale really is too good to pass up. Hold yourself to limits, though: Just because those slacks are a great deal doesnt mean you need to buy a pair in every color.OfferUp, LetGo, Craigslist: Sometimes people want (or need) to get rid of furniture, tools, bikes or automobiles without the hassle of a yard sale. Caution is required, but you can get some darned good deals this way.Newspaper classified ads: Yes, really. A guy I know recently bought a pickup truck (necessary for his job) from a newspaper ad, spending many thousands less than he would have paid at a dealership.Freecyle: You might be surprised at whats being given away, no strings attached. Ive seen beautiful furniture, clothing, bicycles, toys, books, and other useful stuff offered up.Yard sales: Another treasure hunt. Ive seen items still in the shrink-wrap at these sales. Its a great place to buy baby stuff, including newborn-sized clothing that seems never to have been worn.Buy Nothing Facebook groups: Last month my partner and I just picked up an almost-new Weber grill. Some of the other things Ive seen lately: baby stuff, solid wood table, sewing machine, board games, computer desk, cookware, and tons of childrens clothes. All of it is free.8. Overdoing it on special occasions Are holidays and birthdays completely over the top? Maybe its time to tone it down. When they become extravaganzas of gift-giving, we cheapen the meaning and also set the bar higher and higher. A kid who gets tons of presents is unlikely to appreciate each one fully and more to the point, he develops a sense of entitlement. As for birthday parties, when did they start resembling mini-coronations? Even one-year-olds are having party rooms reserved, decorations put up, and gift registries established. Really? Think of all the money thats spent and quickly forgotten. Now think what those dollars could have done for a childs education fund or your own retirement. Celebrate joyously, but celebrate sensibly. 9. Overbuying for grandchildren While waiting in line at a crafts store, I met a woman who developed the bad habit of having small gifts waiting for her granddaughters whenever they visited and they visited a lot. The woman was fretting visibly as she looked over the items in the stores dollar section. What do you buy for someone who already has everything? she asked me. After hearing her story, I felt very sad not just for her but also for the kids. A visit to grandmas house had become an exercise in acquisition. The first thing they do upon crossing the threshold is to ask what theyre getting. (Does anyone else find that quite sad?) Expectations are made, not born. If youve gotten into the habit of treats and more treats, scale back. Replace them with activities and gifts of time. The kids who are used to getting stuff will gradually become used to not getting stuff and when occasionally you do treat them, it will mean a lot more. Again, the money you save could go toward their education funds or toward shoring up your own budget. You cant finance retirement. 10. Giving more than you can afford Charity is a noble impulse. But giving to the American Red Cross or the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals should be done after youve taken care of business. Specifically, after youve built an emergency fund, started saving for retirement, and taken care of any consumer debt. Put on your own oxygen mask first, financially speaking. Award-winning journalist and veteran personal finance writerDonna Freedmanis the author of Your Playbook for Tough Times: Living Large on Small Change, for the Short Term or the Long Haul and Your Playbook for Tough Times, Vol. 2: Needs AND Wants Edition. Read more: https://www.thesimpledollar.com/loans/blog/a-loan-wont-solve-your-money-woes-if-you-dont-fix-these-10-financial-issues-first/

[masterlistcrawford]

Selene Crawford: The Lady, The Villain and The Contrarian

Warning: None for the moment.

The trip back to the office was done in silence. A tense silence that neither Masamune nor Selene dared to break. At some point Masamune took Selene’s hand and never let it go unless it was necessary. For her the nightmare was becoming real. They will go after them now. What she can do, how could she protect them now? Should she…

“Selene? Selene?! Answer me, are you ok?”

Selene failed to noticed that they were on the parking lot of the building. She was so adsorbed on her thoughts that failed to see when they arrived. Masamune’s was frowning very worried at her.

Taking a look at Selene he knew something was wrong. It got worse when he touched her hand which felt cold like a block of ice. Not risking getting attack on their way to the office he took her hand trying to giving her some warmth meanwhile she was unresponsive. She was looking directly to road oblivious to the rest of the world. He took her on his arms and hugged her until the color returned to her face.

“Where are we?” Selene felt disoriented, cold.

“We arrived safely. Kitten why are you so cold?” Masamune kept warming Selene’s hands until they got warm.

“Sorry I guess I space out didn’t I?” Selene gave Masamune a weak smile.

“Come on let’s go we need to let the others know what is happening.” said Masamune confused at Selene state.

Both walked holding their hands and arrived to the office. Selene automatically went to her desk and started to work. Masamune decided to went to Nobunaga’s office and do a report. Upon entering the office he found Nobunaga talking over the phone.

“Yes, he is here right now, do you want to speak with him? It’s Detective Katakura.” Nobunaga passed the phone to Masamune.

“Date here.”

“Are you ok? We got a call to the mountains and found your house blown up. What is going on?” Kojuro sounded puzzled.

“Yeah, we managed to escape on time.” Masamune hold the bridge of his nose trying to ease some tension.

“We? As in more than one person? Is there is something I need to know?” Kojuro’s questions were done in a rapid fire motion. Knowing Masamune there must be someone he had done and might have a woman involved.

“Look, our receptionist is the one being targeted.”

“You mean Oda’s mistress?”

“What you mean Oda’s mistress?”

“It’s all over the news and the press. Don’t you read the newspaper?” Kojuro’s information was a new development.

Masamune took a look to Nobunaga only to confirmed that it wasn’t a joke made by Kojuro.

“No, I haven’t been informed I have to go.”

“Don’t hang up Masamune, we need you at the station for a statement. When you can come?” Kojuro’s question was more an order than a simple question.

“Tell me when and I’ll be there. Now I really have to go.”

“Alright, I’ll send you a message. Just be careful OK?” Kojuro’s concern was well funded.

“ Got it.” with this Masamune hang up and turned to Oda.

“So, I gather you already know the situation?” Masamune was the first one to talk.

“I read the newspaper and saw the news, what about it?” Nobunaga knew where this go, so he started to carefully think what he should say. Knowing Masamune he will explode at any time. He noticed he was troubled.

“This might complicate things. Selene looks like is struggling with the situation. And…they found out about my house on the mountains and send a missile we barely escaped” Masamune took a seat and bury his face on his hands.

“Things are escalating. What about you? How are you doing with all this?” it was Nobunaga’s turn to ask.

“It’s like dealing with myself, and…I’m terrified. I don’t want to loose her.” the sincerity on Masamune’s voice surprised Nobunaga.

“You won’t, we are here for you, for her.” Nobunaga put a hand on Masamune’s shoulder.

Shingen arrived to find Selene working on automatic mode. She might fool the untrained eye but she was terrified and occupying herself in order to regain a bit of control. Smiling softly he approach and gave a warm salute.

“Oh Good Morning, my precious angel. I believe this is the entrance to heaven isn’t it?” taking Selene’s hand.

Selene stood there while looking at him without reacting to his words.. Shingen frown this is not the reaction he was hope for.

“Princess are you…?”

“Oh, sorry I’ve been absent minded lately. Too much work Mr. Takeda, are you here for an appointment with Mr. Oda?” Selene tried to regain her normal self but she was struggling. She needed time to think, but then she remembered her promised to Masamune.

“This situation have me a little rattled up that’s all. Forgive me, will you like some tea,sweets anything for Mr. Sanada, Sarutobi or Mr. Uesugi?” she gave a look to the rest of the group.

“Tea will be good for all since we are on working hours right Kenshin?” Sasuke gave a look to Kenshin who was sited pretending to read a magazine.

“Whatever, I’m here because there is no other remedy.” Kenshin didn’t bother to look up.

“OK, just pass to the conference room I will be bringing the refreshments there I will let know Mr. Oda you had arrived.” by now Selene was acting professional and normal.

Selene guided them to the conference room once she made sure everyone was comfortable she let know Nobunaga. At the same time went to the little kitchen to make some tea and sandwiches. When she arrived Masamune was cooking, apparently she wasn’t the only one with anxiety. The kitchen although not as big as the one on his home had all the commodities a normal house needed including an oven, Microwave and a full refrigerator. When Selene began to work she noticed the place was all ways completely stacked with food. Taking mental note she always made sure it was ready for use. Masamune either was there or working on a case. Since this time she was the case he was cooking. Selene observed him from the door smiling. He was wearing a black apron, while moving in his element.

“Like what you see kitten?” Masamune turned to give her a wink.

“Yes, I do. Although I’m not used yet to see you with an apron.” Selene approached and try to get some of the essence of what he was cooking. “ You ok?” his smile didn’t reached like always do. His eye was trying to hide the conflict inside of him.  

“You scared me this morning when we arrived.” he was chopping some vegetables. He wasn’t recriminating her for it , but he sounded defensive.

“I’m sorry, I guess I just went into a defensive mechanism. You know not everyday I begin my mornings with an incoming missile and destroys my…” both look at the same time looking for the elusive word that was escaping them.

“It’s there a term for us at this stage?” she ventured to ask.

“If it is, no one sent me the memo. All  I know kitten, is that whatever it is I hope to soon change that to a more official term.” he gave her a rapid kiss on the lips while continuing his task.

Selene felt her cheeks getting hotter, deciding not to add anymore, she prepared the tea and some sandwiches, on her way out she added.

“BTW, Shingen and his group are here, it seems they will stay for a while.”

“OK, I will add more portions. Let me know if something changes.”

“Thanks.” giving him a flushed smile Selene took the tray to the conference room.

Upon arriving the room everyone was verifying all the clues they had gathered about the case. Copies of the letters were obtained thanks to Kincaid, while Detective Katakura called again to let Masamune know that the missile was robbed from a facility on Russia. Which meant it was acquired on the black market ending the trace on that part. The investigation kept going for the next days.

“We just hit another dead end.” said Mitsurani to Sasuke both were working the network and any digital media.

The threats didn’t match any Modus Operandi of any case on the police data base. Neither any case worked by Shingen’s group or Nobunaga’s. Comparing also the cases of Masamune and Mitsuhide gave nothing making the situation frustrating for everyone. After the second attempt things calmed down. Even the threats stopped being delivered. But an envelop left one morning in front of the building gave a reminder to the group that their predator was still at large. The envelop has a group of photographs where Selene appeared with any of them. Sometimes in group others with Masamune or with Nobunaga. Since the shooting incident the press started to report on Selene often making her prey of some unlawful rumors. With the photographs was a note also in Blood.

“Give me what I want and I will go away.”

“Ha?, what is that suppose to mean? I beat I need a break” Yuki was so upset that went out of the room to clear his mind.

Everyone was at their limit, it was then that Selene seemed to remember something.

“There was an horror book that I read once, what really called me out was that phrase. “Give me what I want and I will go away.” The book was about a group of people each with their own dark secrets. At the center was this girl who was innocent and yet caught on with them. Since she never agreed to their bidding they made her life a living hell. I need to make a call.” Selene went to her desk to make the call when Kenshin called her out.

“So how the book ended?”

Selene looked at Kenshin and said in a solemn tone. “She killed them all.” and left.

“I know, I know, yes you can come tomorrow to visit. Bring all of them if you want. Just make sure he also comes alright?” Ian hung up. Turning around he faces the man if everything goes according to plan after tomorrow what belong to us by birthright will come back to us.

The man dressing all in black and red converse shoes smiles while adjusting is Fedora.

“Good, I cant wait to see you once again my love.”

Nobunaga parked his car, it has been 6 years since they spoke. He swear he will never come back again. But right now Selene might need him if something didn’t work out on their meeting of tomorrow. Entering by the backdoor he knocked the door and a grumble resembling “Come in” was heard. A cocky smile drawn on Nobunaga’s features.

“I guess some things never change uh Yasu?”

Notes: For some reason I struggle a lot with this chapter. Any comment or feedback is welcome. I hope you guys like it.

[robertkstone]

Lexus LF-1 Concept SUV Exclusive First Look: Reshaping the SUV

It’s a balmy December morning. I’m standing in an L.A. photo studio and bearing witness to the Lexus LF-1 concept. This is the first time anyone has seen the tangible, functional, completed evidence of Toyota’s styling team’s efforts since it returned from the specialty-car fabricators at Sivax.

For more than a year, the 11-member Calty team pored over sketches, renderings, scale models, paint samples, interior fabrics and materials, and a full-size clay model. Now, with their collective work effort starkly posed in front of them, the group is speaking in hushed, almost reverential tones.

Suddenly, in a fit of enthusiasm, Ian Cartabiano, Calty’s chief designer and the overseer of the exterior design of the LF-1, spontaneously grabs my shoulders and gives them a manly shake.

“It’s so hot. It’s so hot. Look how hot it is,” he exclaims. He is quite literally hopping up and down, unable to contain his elation.

The normally composed Cartabiano is justifiably adrenalized. To call the LF-1 merely a departure for the traditionally conservative Lexus brand would be an emphatic minimization. The look of the LF-1 is more athletic and dramatic than the current LS and LC but has none of the gratuitous wackiness of RX and NX. The bold styling represents Lexus’ new design direction—which the automaker describes as “brave, courageous, provocative, and imaginative.”

So let’s get to the critical question: Just how realistic is this concept?

There are fanciful but impractical concept cars built to stir the creative and strategic juices within a car company but that won’t (or can’t) be suitable for production. Some small element of the design might surface on a showroom vehicle in a decade or so.

Then there are concept cars with more production intent. Their design might stretch the public’s idea of the brand, but they’re meant to give a tantalizing taste of what is to come in the near term.

The Lexus LF-1—to be unveiled at the 2018 North American International Auto Show in Detroit—most definitely is grounded in realism.

“This will not be a stretch to build,” Calty president Kevin Hunter says. “The reality is, we could use this in our lineup right now. This is a category we’re desperate to be in. So why waste time?”

This is a startlingly straightforward answer from an automaker whose communications typically traffic in nuance. In short: If you like it, Lexus will build it.

The LF-1 indicates that Lexus is changing to meet consumer preferences. No longer is a sedan or coupe perceived as the logical starting point for a flagship. Given the soaring demand for SUVs and crossovers, it is clear that Lexus is presenting the LF-1 as the luxury brand’s new elite vehicle.

You read that right: A production LF-1 could supplant (or supplement) the LS as Lexus’ top dog.

The Exterior

Using Toyota’s GA-L platform—which also underpins the flagship LS sedan and LC coupe—as its base, the LF-1 design interprets a sports car through an SUV lens. Granted, Lexus is not alone with this creative brief, but the LF-1 might be the most imaginative iteration to date.

Traditionally, to create a sporty vibe for a crossover, designers have aggressively sloped the roofline downward as it carries past the B-pillar, severely hindering headroom and ingress/egress for passengers. But that look is already played out.

Instead, the LF-1 maintains a consistent roofline without looking like a box on wheels. To provide performance credentials, the LF-1 carries a stretched hood and a long dash-to-axle ratio. The proportions have the sleekness of a raised wagon, more than a squished crossover. If it sat any lower, it could almost be mistaken for a hopped-up station wagon.

The production version of the LF-1 will benefit from the flexibility of the GA-L platform; the LF-1’s wheelbase and overall length splits the dimensions of the LS and LC. It’s 3.0 inches taller and 3.5 inches wider than the LS, too. The platform also allows the LF-1 to carry 8.5 inches of ground clearance. Its structure is versatile enough to accommodate gasoline, hybrid, electric, and fuel cell powertrains.

Some rumors had pegged the LF-1 as a three-row crossover, but Hunter believes a two-row flagship makes for “a more personal driving experience.”

“Lexus doesn’t have 100 years of heritage and baggage to deal with,” Hunter quips, throwing some shade at the competition. “As a young brand, it’s better to change and shift gears to satisfy market needs.”

Although it’s the stuff of motivational posters, Lexus designers were urged to accomplish the mission of “transforming function into emotion, performance into passion, technology into imagination.”

“We wanted to redefine the Lexus design language,” Cartabiano says. “We wanted something organic and sharp—a flowing, beautiful structure controlled by edges, not just edge, edge, edge. ”

Anyone who has seen Lexus’ angular production crossovers of late—such as the NX or UX—can immediately understand Cartabiano’s thoughts on the evolution of the brand’s design.

One key indicator of the new look is the flare that grabs the LF-1’s front wheel. The fender construction, as the A-pillar dives into and away from the hoodline, is intricate and complicated. If this vehicle indeed goes to production, a battalion of manufacturing engineers will curse Calty’s name. But the structure is a thing of beauty, one giant scalloped arc and muscular swoop that leads all the way down the body side.

As sketches evolved into early-stage scale models, an additional rib resided below the flare, low down on the doors. But the doors then had an alternating round-flat-round-flat shape that was too busy, Cartabiano says. The LF-1 called for simplicity without looking slab-sided.

The wheel flare and body side designs went through myriad iterations during their creation. “Some of the early models were not sophisticated or premium-looking,” Hunter notes in his typical deadpan delivery, right in front of the design team. “Ouch,” Cartabiano says.

Hunter continues in order to salve the burn: “Then it became more fluid, more harmonized. A new space. It was a cool sketch, but getting it to the finishing point is another thing. It was a roller coaster of pain and suffering.”

Speaking of pain and suffering, perhaps the most polarizing aspect of Lexus’ design of the past decade is the brand’s signature spindle grille—dubbed “Predator” by critics who call out the Schwarzenegger alien movie as a reference. And don’t the Calty designers know it. Part of the problem is that, in past applications, the grille has looked tacked on, almost a graphical afterthought.

During the LF-1’s design development, Lexus chief branding officer Tokuo Fukuichi and Lexus International president Yoshihiro Sawa challenged the Calty designers to define what the grille really meant to the brand. This led to a month of resketching the upper half of the spindle in various proportions in order to determine how the spindle would integrate with the LF-1’s headlights and hood.

The final creation is a hood with severe cutouts that feed directly into the grille and make it appear to be an integrated part of the vehicle’s structure. In the final design, the grille almost vanishes, looking more like negative space between floating front fenders. As for the grille pattern itself and the Lexus badge’s location in it, Cartabiano described it as having the appearance of a magnet dropped into a pile of metal filings.

A stylish touch, which might not reach production, is the glass roof that appears to flow all the way through the tailgate hatch. There’s a separation to the glass, of course, so the tailgate can open. But instead of a solid roofline connecting the D-pillars over the roof, sheetmetal wings splay off the hatchback. Even that decision—whether the wings should follow the roofline or descend to follow the angle of the D-pillar—was the subject of extensive rendering and modeling.

The placement of the Lexus badge below the hatch-opening split rather than above it was the subject of lengthy debate. The look provides a clean line across the back of the vehicle, but the badge is located lower than some might be accustomed to.

There are many height and mass issues to consider when designing an SUV, Cartabiano says. The placement of the taillamps can alter the perception of an off-road vehicle versus a pretend off-road vehicle. By designing a sporty vehicle, the location and shape of the taillamps must be as sleek as the rest of the car.

Then there’s the paint, which must be seen to be believed. It’s a copper-meets-rose-gold that was custom developed by Calty. The full-size clay model was the test palette for an eye-fuzzing patchwork of shades, hues, and variations of metallic, satin, chromatic, and gloss finishes.

Coming up with a paint color took the most time—literally, months—of any part of the concept, Hunter says. “I can’t remember this much debate on color on any other car we’ve done.” And although a satin look would pop from certain angles, Hunter says it would go “completely dead” as the color and reflectivity changed from another angle.

Wendy Lee, Calty’s chief designer for color and trim, says the final version allows light to be diffused and reflected, as if off the ocean. “It gives it a mystical, exotic, romantic feel.”

The Interior

When vehicles are designed for production, the exterior styling usually remains relatively static between concept and final vehicle. But the interiors can include wild reaches of the imagination. We can only guess which of these LF-1 ideas might reach production.

The front seats have been designed to appreciate the different mindsets of their occupants. The driver’s seat and surrounding area is cockpitlike, immediate, serious, and engaged with “compressed energy,” says Ben Chang, the LF-1’s chief interior designer. Even the center console and infotainment system are canted toward the driver—as they would be in an exotic sports car. Meanwhile, the passenger seat is spacious, restful, and relaxed.

Chang uses the Japanese word omotenashi, which translates into “anticipating the needs of your guest,” to describe the feeling Calty wanted from the LF-1 interior. It also happens to be a national slogan for the upcoming 2020 Tokyo Olympics. As Hunter puts it, “Everything revolves around the user experience.”

Such hospitality is apparent as the driver approaches the vehicle and the front fascia engages in an LED lightshow that flows like lava. Then, as the driver enters the vehicle, a galaxy of pinprick stars illuminates and flows through the center console and door panels.

IFTTT

[themoneybuff-blog]

A Loan Won't Solve Your Money Woes If You Don't Fix These 10 Issues First

Sometimes even the best-prepared households get knocked sideways, financially speaking. Illness, unemployment, divorce, a car accident that triggers a lawsuit these and other situations can quickly put a hurt on the budget. In such times a personal loan or one of several types of home equity loans can provide a little breathing room until you rebuild your finances. As noted, money woes are sometimes the result of plain old bad luck (illness, job loss). However, sometimes were our own worst enemies: We buy too much, we save too little, we plan not at all. You cant get ahead that way. And you cant keep borrowing your way out of trouble. A loan wont help you unless you fix the following issues. 1. Not having a budget The simplest way to wind up in debt is to spend without thinking. Stop, then, and think for a moment about what you would like to have happen five years from now: buying a home, starting a business, getting married, traveling? When you create a budget, youre not just allocating your dollars youre enabling your dreams. An easy way to do it is the 50/30/20 budget: Spend no more than 50% of your take-home pay on essentials, 30% on wants, and 20% on saving (including retirement planning and an emergency fund). Plenty of budgeting apps exist as well (some are even free). 2. Not tracking spending You cant plug budget leaks unless you know where they are. Track your spending for a month, using pen and paper or a budgeting app. The cumulative effect could be eye-opening. For example, a relatives ex-husband was shocked shocked! to realize that spending $8 a day on fast food added up to $240 a month. His wife had made more money than he did, and their commingled finances made it easy for him to swipe a card and think no more of it. Heres hoping that your own habits arent quite that clueless. But even those of us who think were doing pretty well could be surprised by the cumulative impact of certain habits: beef jerky and a soda every time we pay for gasoline, daily iTunes downloads, $20 a week on scratch tickets. Add up the opportunity cost of those non-essentials, and ask yourself if you could do better. (Spoiler alert: You probably can.) 3. Keeping up with the Joneses Just because next-door neighbor bought the priciest riding mower on the market doesnt mean you have to ditch your trusty Snapper. When your coworker talks about all the activities her kid participates in, you dont have to sign your own tots up for horseback riding and soccer camp. You should not let other people determine your clothing, dcor, automobile, or anything else. Its no ones business that you bought a fixer-upper, that you drive your car until the wheels fall off, that your idea of nightlife is to read a new library book once the kids are in bed. Remember: The Joneses may be up to their hairlines in debt. They might be focused on keeping up, too with the minimum payments, that is. 4. Wanting your kids to have things you didnt Theres nothing wrong with this! Except when there is. Obviously you want your children to be well-fed, reasonably well-dressed, and housed comfortably. You might also want to give them treats and opportunities you never had, such as vacation trips, a big allowance, loads of extracurricular activities, and fully funded education plans. But dont let this noble impulse bust your budget. Just because your kid wants snowboarding lessons, a new smartphone every year, and a car of their own at age 16 doesnt mean you have to give these things. Staying out of debt and funding your retirement should take precedence over granting every whim. At the very least they should have some skin in the game: doing additional chores to help save up for a big-ticket item, say, or mowing lawns or babysitting for extra pocket money. Besides, we arent doing our kids any favors when we give them everything they want. Setting the bar too high now could mean setting them up for problems later on. Specifically, when they move out on their own theyll want to keep living in the style to which we have accustomed them and if their salaries dont allow for that, theyll wind up in debt. 5. Automatic upgrades Whats wrong with your old smartphone or car or whatever? If you bought it relatively recently and it still works, whats with the rush to replace? If you get the newest phone as soon as it comes out, or trade in your vehicle every few years, or replace anything else before it really needs replacing, ask yourself why. Because your co-workers do? Because some commercial made you want a new car? Because you dont know why, but you really, really want to anyway? Think about the opportunity cost of that cash. Then think about the way you want to live, and whether or not you want other people making decisions about your money. 6. Shopping mindlessly If you dont need anything, stay out of the mall. Going shopping with friends puts you in a position to find something you suddenly cant live without, or something that looks so cute on you or would be so cool in your house or so useful in the garage. Except that you were doing just fine without that item until you saw it. Ditto online shopping: Dont cruise your favorite retailers websites unless you have a specific reason to do so. Better yet, undo the one-click function and remove stored credit card info from all sites where youve shopped in the past. Bonus frugal points if you change your online passwords to something that has personal significance, such as WeDDingDAy8192020, or 19YEarsLEftonMORTgage, or EARLYretire2028 these little reminders of where your dollars could be going instead might help you from overbuying. 7. Always buying retail Why automatically pay full price? Instead of heading straight to the shopping center when you need (or want) something, consider these options instead: Thrift shops: Some are junky, but others are great. Its like a treasure hunt. (Pro tip: Find out if there are senior discounts or other special deals. For example, a secondhand store my daughter likes offers 50 percent off every Monday.)Consignment stores: Like thrift shops, except theyre more discriminating about whats accepted.Flash sales: While online shopping should be approached with caution, sometimes a sale really is too good to pass up. Hold yourself to limits, though: Just because those slacks are a great deal doesnt mean you need to buy a pair in every color.OfferUp, LetGo, Craigslist: Sometimes people want (or need) to get rid of furniture, tools, bikes or automobiles without the hassle of a yard sale. Caution is required, but you can get some darned good deals this way.Newspaper classified ads: Yes, really. A guy I know recently bought a pickup truck (necessary for his job) from a newspaper ad, spending many thousands less than he would have paid at a dealership.Freecyle: You might be surprised at whats being given away, no strings attached. Ive seen beautiful furniture, clothing, bicycles, toys, books, and other useful stuff offered up.Yard sales: Another treasure hunt. Ive seen items still in the shrink-wrap at these sales. Its a great place to buy baby stuff, including newborn-sized clothing that seems never to have been worn.Buy Nothing Facebook groups: Last month my partner and I just picked up an almost-new Weber grill. Some of the other things Ive seen lately: baby stuff, solid wood table, sewing machine, board games, computer desk, cookware, and tons of childrens clothes. All of it is free.8. Overdoing it on special occasions Are holidays and birthdays completely over the top? Maybe its time to tone it down. When they become extravaganzas of gift-giving, we cheapen the meaning and also set the bar higher and higher. A kid who gets tons of presents is unlikely to appreciate each one fully and more to the point, he develops a sense of entitlement. As for birthday parties, when did they start resembling mini-coronations? Even one-year-olds are having party rooms reserved, decorations put up, and gift registries established. Really? Think of all the money thats spent and quickly forgotten. Now think what those dollars could have done for a childs education fund or your own retirement. Celebrate joyously, but celebrate sensibly. 9. Overbuying for grandchildren While waiting in line at a crafts store, I met a woman who developed the bad habit of having small gifts waiting for her granddaughters whenever they visited and they visited a lot. The woman was fretting visibly as she looked over the items in the stores dollar section. What do you buy for someone who already has everything? she asked me. After hearing her story, I felt very sad not just for her but also for the kids. A visit to grandmas house had become an exercise in acquisition. The first thing they do upon crossing the threshold is to ask what theyre getting. (Does anyone else find that quite sad?) Expectations are made, not born. If youve gotten into the habit of treats and more treats, scale back. Replace them with activities and gifts of time. The kids who are used to getting stuff will gradually become used to not getting stuff and when occasionally you do treat them, it will mean a lot more. Again, the money you save could go toward their education funds or toward shoring up your own budget. You cant finance retirement. 10. Giving more than you can afford Charity is a noble impulse. But giving to the American Red Cross or the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals should be done after youve taken care of business. Specifically, after youve built an emergency fund, started saving for retirement, and taken care of any consumer debt. Put on your own oxygen mask first, financially speaking. Award-winning journalist and veteran personal finance writerDonna Freedmanis the author of Your Playbook for Tough Times: Living Large on Small Change, for the Short Term or the Long Haul and Your Playbook for Tough Times, Vol. 2: Needs AND Wants Edition. Read more: https://www.thesimpledollar.com/loans/blog/a-loan-wont-solve-your-money-woes-if-you-dont-fix-these-10-financial-issues-first/