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lucas-koh · 4 years ago

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Stitches - Bryce Lahela x MC VIII

Parts 1-7 linked in my bio!

Doesn’t exactly follow canon, but elements of canon. FWB.

Song: Waking Up Slow (Piano Version) - Gabrielle Aplin

Rating: M, implied sex, sexual language, swearing

Word Count: 3738

Taglist: @lahellacute @lahamseiroshoe @anotherbeingsworld @fuseboxmusebox @choicesficwriterscreations @bubblelaureno @bratzlahela @eleanorbloom @bryceslahela || please let me know if you would like to be added to or removed from this list

Chapter Eight: Whiplash

So there Suki was again. Rushing down the hospital corridors in an attempt to out power-walk her thoughts. Step-step-step-step-I like her body-STEP-STEP. Suddenly the day didn’t feel so hopeful. And she found herself questioning why this was bugging her so much; but even more so, why she suddenly wanted to avoid Bryce at all costs. She didn’t want to look into his eyes and think about his face as he said those words. Those dark, enigmatic mahogany eyes, probably smirking knowingly. But she definitely didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that an offhand comment like that had affected her. Not after all the lengths she’d gone to to assure Bryce she was unaffected by things like this, at least where he was concerned.

This was what she signed up for – she knew that. But still. When the only nice thing he could say about her to someone else was about her body - how it looked, what it did – well, it wasn’t exactly a confidence boost in terms of who she was as a person. And she’d thought after the fact they’d all been hanging around together as a group so much that they all gelled well and were friendly. And yeah, the other person had been teasing Bryce about having a crush on her, which he obviously didn’t, and she didn’t want him to, but he still could’ve replied saying she was a cool girl or something.

Luckily for Suki, they barely ran in the same circles at work so avoiding him was fairly easy. She only saw him in the halls a few times, and would focus her eyes on whatever chart or equipment she was holding. Every time she caught a glimpse or thought about Bryce (much more often than she cared to admit), Suki felt uncomfortable and upset. And then silly for feeling as such.

For two weeks she’d managed to ignore his texts, and the group hadn’t had time to meet, either. Part of her wanted to cave a few times, but Bryce had given up after the third nose went unanswered, clearly getting the hint. He hadn’t texted anything other than that.

Finally, she felt like she couldn’t avoid it any longer. It was consuming her thoughts too much to not do something about it. She’d just have to get over herself and either suck it up and accept she was just a warm body to Bryce, or break it off for her own sanity. So that was the plan as she texted Bryce mid-December. Which way she was erring towards… she’d figure out when the time came. Either way, she wasn’t planning on making it easy for Bryce, because whether she had the right to be or not – Suki was pissed.

Unfortunately for her, Suki was also soft and awkward and indecisive and far too forgiving. But she was going to try her best.

Santa Fe: 👃be here in 15.

Scalpel Jockey: yes ma’am 😳

When Bryce arrived he texted to let her know, since knocking would only make someone else answer the door. Suki waited until she couldn’t hear anyone in the living room and snuck over to let Bryce in. The door opened to his habitually grinning face, but Suki didn’t return the favour, instead just setting off to her bedroom and waiting for Bryce to follow.

Once Bryce had shut the bedroom door behind him and could be sure no one else would hear, he finally greeted her:

“Hey, it’s been a while…”

Well, maybe by their standards.

But Suki was already unbuttoning her blouse and shimmying her trousers down her legs. Bryce laughed, she was simply looking stoically at him as she unclothed and she hadn’t even said a word to him yet. But okay. If that was the plan.

Bryce stripped down to his underwear and perched at the head of the bed, uncertain and waiting for Suki to make the first move.

“So,” she stood at the foot of the bed in her lacy black underwear, hands curling around her waist, “do you like how I look today? How my body looks right now?”

But Bryce didn’t notice the hint, he was too enraptured by how good she looked. And by how sexy her forwardness was; first that text, then the jumping straight in. It was certainly something and Suki could tell Bryce liked it.

“Yes, I definitely do.” He crawled down the bed to her, pulling her in between his legs. That smug grin was all over his face, all through his eyes as they raked up and down Suki’s body. All in that tongue which stuck out to moisten his lips. God. That’s gotta be exactly what he looked like when he said he liked my body.

And she was pissed again, seething for god knows why, so she turned her head to the side when he moved to kiss her.

“Oh?” Bryce questioned just before he would’ve collided with her cheek.

“Actually, I’m kind of tired right now.”

“Uh, yeah, okay.” He dropped his hands from her waist and let her step back a bit. “You do realise you texted me, right?” He laughed a bit, trying to bring his usual easiness to the conversation. He was sitting at the end of the bed, legs spread and leaning back on his hands. It was proving incredibly difficult for Suki not to admire his physique, his pose, his ambience. And uh, something very obvious right in the centre of her view.

Damn it. Why did he have to be so understanding? She wanted to piss him off. She wanted him to push back a bit. Actually, she wanted to shout at him and ask him why he wasn’t fighting her on this, why he wasn’t being the asshole she had assumed him to be when she’d eavesdropped. She just wanted some strong emotion to spark, to be able to stoke the flames. Because right now it was like the chemicals in her brain had abandoned all logic or sense and the plethora of emotions whirling inside it were confusing.

But, that wasn’t the sensible thing to do.

“Yeah, I changed my mind.”

“That’s okay. I’ll just head out,” he gave her an understanding smile – for fucks sake – and stood from the bed.

She stayed where she was, crossing her arms over her chest this time and watching as Bryce dressed.

He gave her that smile again as he pulled his jeans on, but there was a slight crinkle to his brow as though he were concerned. He looked like he was biting his lip from something to say.

Suki felt bad, now. He’d been there maybe five minutes and she was already sending him home because he hadn’t even reacted in the way she’d wanted.

God Suki, grow up. You’re a twenty-seven year old doctor who is having a tantrum because her fuck buddy doesn’t vibe with her? It’s laughable. Definitely not where I thought I’d be four months ago.

He let out a concealed puzzled exhale as he looked back at Suki, and checking the coast was clear slipped out of her bedroom with a ‘I’ll see you soon?’. She didn’t see him out.

So Bryce left – even fewer words spoken between them, and Suki slumped back into bed with a long, dramatic sigh.

—-

A few days later, Suki was just coming back from delivering some good news to a patient, and was wandering down corridors. As she looked up to be sure she wouldn’t walk into anyone, Suki saw Bryce at the other end of the corridor, passing over a lady in a wheelchair to a doctor. Technically, she’d still been avoiding him for around two weeks since their last meeting barely happened. She felt the heat in her cheeks and immediately swivelled on a heel to go in the other direction.

But it was too late, moments later she was confronted by the very thing she’d been avoiding.

“Suki!” Bryce called from behind her. Immediately Suki felt herself freezing up at just the sound of his voice. But they were in public – sort-of – so she couldn’t ignore him this time.

“Hey,” she didn’t quite meet Bryce’s eyes as she turned to him.

“Are you doing okay?”

Like you care.

“Yeah, fine,” she shot out ice cold.

Bryce crinkled his brow in that same way he had before, and Suki had to scream at that little voice in her head which told her it was cute.

“Have you been avoiding me?”

Yes, yes she had. Pretty definitely.

“So what if I have?”

“I mean. Why?”

“I’m just not in the mood to see you.”

“Did I- did I do something? The other night you seemed… I don’t know. Please tell me if I upset you.”

He looked so concerned that she melted on the spot and the edge in her voice immediately disappeared.

“Look, I just- I realised it’s weird because we share a friend group but we’re not even friends.”

“We’re friends.”

She furrowed her brow, his words from before running through her head. “We are? Since when?”

“Somewhere between the list making and spending so much time as a group - I don’t know, but I like to think we are.”

Hearing him say that had made Suki pretty much forget what she’d overheard. Maybe he had been worried about her. Maybe she was overreacting and assuming or maybe she should just let herself go with the flow. After all, he’d never, ever, been cruel to her. So yeah, Suki liked that Bryce said they were friends. Agreed with him.

In fact, her heart fluttered a little at him recognising her as more than just a body.

“Upgraded from Fuck Buddy to Friend With Benefits – I like it.”

“Me too,” Bryce grinned and brought a hand up for a high five. Suki obliged. She wanted to leave her hand there, feel his beneath it, but she couldn’t. “So, we’re cool?”

And then she knew she couldn’t leave this conversation without some answers. Even if it made her look like a gigantic idiot.

She hesitated. But it was better to be upfront. And it would keep bugging her if she didn’t get the truth. Hard-ass Suki was now tucked away in a cupboard and the usual awkward, nosy, bumbling Suki was back in her place.

“There is… one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I swear I didn’t mean to but the other week I was coming in and I heard you talking with someone else and you told them that you only like me because of my body and like that’s fine of course you’re not obliged to like me as a person but since now you’re saying we’re friends I don’t know I just wanted to like ask you since it would be weird to be friends with someone you only care about having sex with and–“

“Breathe!” Bryce cut her off with a laugh. Suki inhaled a big breath - she had a tendency to ramble when she was nervous.

“Look,” he gave her a comforting smile, “that was Ben, another surgical intern. He’s a dick. I’m not going to go round telling him anything about myself if I can help it. But I suck at lying so it had to be at least somewhat truthful.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah. That makes sense,” she nodded like a car accessory. So obviously he’d known about the surgery too, since they were in the same field. She felt stupid for jumping to conclusions.

“You’re my friend,” he reassured.

She let out a heavy exhale and a gentle laugh, wow she’d been silly. “Cool.”

“So that’s why you’ve been avoiding me, you were hurt?”

But she didn’t answer him. She didn’t need to let him know she’d been overthinking the entire thing. So she simply stepped back from him and as she moved to leave said:

“Come over after work.”

And with that Suki flounced off down the corridor to her next patient.

But she didn’t hear Bryce as she retreated, muttering: “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

—-

Clambering up the last of the stairs to her apartment floor, Suki spotted Gia and Tommy on their way towards the stairs.

“Hey! You two doing okay?”

“Yes! Tommy’s missed you two.”

“Aw, Tommy! We miss you too!”

“When can I see Byce?” Tommy asked the two women, not quite having worked his way around ‘r’ sounds yet.

“I’m not sure hun! He’s very busy.” Suki smiled, it was nice to see Bryce had made such an impression.

“You’ve got a good man there, Suki.” Gia said.

“Oh he’s not- um- we’re not.”

“Ha, okay love. We should be off now, anyway.” She pulled Tommy up onto her hip and began to make her way toward the elevator before turning and saying softly with Tommy’s ears obstructed by her hand and chest, “he looks at you like… like I wish Tommy’s father looked at me.”

Suki’s breath hitched as the elevator doors shut on Gia’s bittersweet expression and left her alone in the corridor.

She didn’t realise until she heard the elevator coming back up to their floor that she’d been standing there for a while. Thinking about everything yet nothing.

As though in a daze, Suki floated over to the apartment and let herself in.

It had to be a desire thing right? Bryce looked at Suki like he wanted to push her against a wall at any moment – she knew that. Maybe Gia and her partner didn’t have that anymore if they ever did. That’s gotta be what she meant. In any case, she’d only seen them together very briefly when she’d picked Tommy up, so her opinion wasn’t based on much evidence. Or so Suki thought.

Before Suki even knew it – too consumed by overanalysing that one sentence – she got the text to let her know Bryce was there.

—-

Suki and Bryce laid on either side of the bed post coitus as he was telling her about a surgery he watched. There was still no mention of his assisting, but, Suki figured she’d work it out eventually.

“No way that happened. Patients don’t just ask for surgeons because they think they’re hot.”

“Oh yeah? Then how come it did happen?”

“I call bullshit.”

“You gonna try and tell me I’m not the hottest surgeon at Edenbrook?”

“I dunno… Dr Tanaka…” Suki sucked in a breath through her teeth.

Bryce looked mock offended then said: “I can’t blame you. He’s a very sexy man.”

He scooted over from his side of the bed and hovered over her, taking her jaw in his large, precise hand. He leaned down to kiss her, Suki immediately giving in and roaming her hands across the muscles on his back and shoulders. Basking in the fresh mint of his lips, the smell of his familiar cologne and a faint hint of cinnamon permeating all of Suki’s senses, she felt a little lost.

“But I think it’s safe to say this speaks for itself in terms of your preferences,” he whispered into her lips.

“Have you been baking?”

“Hm?”

“You smell like cinnamon. You usually smell more citrus-y, freshly washed towels – or is this holiday edition Lahela?”

Suki didn’t even realise she was thinking out loud until it popped out. That citrus-y, freshly washed towel scent and the peppermint on his lips was incredibly familiar to Suki. She’d thought about them in moments she probably shouldn’t have been thinking about them. She associated them with sex, of course, but also a warmth and an easy comfort. His cologne was gorgeous, it smelled expensive and perfectly balanced, mixing with the pH of his skin artfully. But there was something extra special about that underlying natural aroma. Less sexy, more familiar. Homely?

But it made her feel slightly uncomfortable in the pit of her stomach that she remembered these details so vividly, that she focused so specifically on them; even more so that she’d spoken them out loud.

“Well, I do roll around in my clean orange-scented towels just before I see you purely so that you can smell it under my expensive cologne,” he mocked.

She swatted him playfully as he began to kiss down her neck, pinching the skin with his teeth. It was just enough to be a perfectly balanced mix of pleasure and pain.

“What does Dr. Tanaka smell like?” She teased.

“Cigarettes and B.O.,” he muffled into her collarbone.

Suki’s laugh tinkled around her bedroom like chimes. “Now I know he smells sexy.”

“He’s not the one whose scent you seem to have memorised so I’m okay with that.”

“Hey! We see each other in close quarters, I’d be a bit worried if you didn’t know what I smelt like.”

“Moon lilies and cotton. Also antiseptic and that coconut hand sanitiser you use.”

Suki laughed again, as Bryce tried to hide the shock in his eyes that he’d actually just said that. But then he just grinned cockily like that was the intention.

“Well I’m glad it’s not cigarettes and B.O.”

“But to answer your question: No, I don’t bake, or cook, at all.”

“Seriously?! What do you eat?”

“Takeout, whatever’s in the hospital cafeteria, ramen.”

Suki just looked at him with horror. “Any… vegetables?”

“Yeah I always order vegetables. And I have an apple every morning.”

“Is that to keep me away?”

“What would be the point in that?” He leaned down to kiss her lips again, and once more Suki got sucked into the moment.

“Okay, okay, you should go now.”

“Probably,” Bryce looked up to Suki’s clock which read 11:08pm. “It’s later than I thought.”

They’d lost track of time talking about the most random topics, but secretly neither of them minded. —-

Five A.M. the next morning found Suki stumbling out of bed and blinking her way through her routine. Bryce had stayed way longer than he should’ve, again, and now Suki was paying for it.

She sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror, she didn’t look her best. As she crooked her neck in a stretch she felt a sensitive spot on the left side. Moving closer to the mirror to inspect and blinking more sleep from her eyes, she saw the rough purple mark. Shit.

“Bryce… what the fuck?!” She whisper-yelled to herself. “He is so getting shit for this.”

She had two options. 1. Leave it as it is. She didn’t really have time to do a botch job of covering it up and she was a doctor, she just needed to get on with the job no matter what. 2. Cake it in layers of concealer, colour corrector, and foundation so that instead of a hickey, it looked like she had a weird rash.

Given Suki’s intense aversion to anything even slightly humiliating, she went with option two. She’d forgotten how much these things actually hurt – it had been years – and Bryce had gone deep. Mottling from a deep-blackish-purple to a lighter, but still intense pinky-lilac, Suki’s neck looked pretty bad. Thankfully the area itself wasn’t too big, and so she got to work covering it up. She made sure to snap a picture first to show Bryce the exact damage he’d done.

The first few hours of work went by as usual, diagnoses, charts, tests, discharges. She knew she had to talk to Bryce about her, ahem, problem, but she wasn’t going to let something so silly take precedent over her job.

When she spotted Bryce in the atrium later she luckily had a few moments to spare. He was leaning on the desk talking to the receptionist.

“We need to talk,” she muttered behind him, pulling him along with her to somewhere more private. He rushed out a wave to the receptionist as he stumbled along after Suki. She pulled him over to the side of the atrium under the stairs. Not the most private place, but better than nothing.

“So…” Bryce said searchingly.

She huffed and moved her neck under the light, making it obvious that it was caked in cover-up. But Bryce was a typical man.

“What am I looking at? I mean, you have a very nice neck but…?”

Then she pulled out her phone and brought up the picture she’d taken as insurance this morning.

“Oh,” Bryce snorted, and actually zoomed in to the photo to get a better look.

“What are you – 16?!” She snatched her phone away as she chastised him.

He laughed, not seeming at all bothered. “It was an accident, relax. I’ll be sure not to do it again.”

Accident, my ass. You were sucking on there like a pacifier. Then again, I probably should’ve stopped him…

“Fuck you,” she was actually frustrated about this, but the words came out more lighthearted than intended.

“That can be arranged.”

“Bry!” Almost as soon as it came out of her mouth Suki wanted to kick herself for the cringey nickname. Where the hell did it come from?? And why! She was meant to be mad at the guy not giving him cutesy nicknames.

But Bryce didn’t pick it apart, simply winking.

“Think of it as an early Christmas present.” He teased as he moved away from the corner. She huffed again as she watched him leave, flashing a cheeky grin back at her. What a fucking douche.

Maybe I *should’ve* tried propositioning Dr. Tanaka, at least he would be more careful.

She was annoyed at the actual thing, sure. But she was more annoyed that rule number five: no visible marks, had been pretty astoundingly disregarded. It wasn’t the hickey itself, it was the principle. The meaning behind the hickey. And the struggle of having a serious conversation with Bryce Lahela.

She found herself asking why she hadn’t brought the rule up, why she hadn’t called him out for ignoring their very clear rules put into place for exactly this reason. Perhaps she didn’t want to stop blurring the lines, even if they were advancing into dangerous territory. Recently she’d been letting him come to hers more often, the threat of roommates not feeling so worrisome anymore, and the thought of sneaking around was sexy. And the relief, the joy she’d felt when it turned out Bryce didn’t only like her body was far from casual.

She didn’t want to be so careful anymore, and that scared the shit out of her.

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woozi · 3 years ago

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l&r shua and specially studio choom l&r shua... i still have no idea how i survived that, also it gave us blue hair cheol too <3 ... him sleeveless with blue hair, there are so many happy things just from this cb jdjsksskks i adore it.

wonshua fr were something else during l&r... omg after school, I'm guessing you've been into kpop way before me. anytime any clip from 17tv pops up i'm just ' they're so smol here they're so cute ' but also most of the time i have no context as well it's djjdsjskks. idk why but svt club is still something i find myself watching again i really liked its concept and them talking and sharing their thoughts it's very simple but also heart-warming.

is it creepy if i say i kind of did sghjkk i actually got to know you are interested in got7 recently when i ended up clicking the links in your bio. i swear im not a weird stalker jdjeekke i've been following your got7 blog way before than this one djdjdjjddj i only found this svt one recently after i decided to completely move back to tumblr and started following svt accs. I didn't know both blogs were you for a long time jddjdkd i apologize if it does seem lil creepy JDJDKSKSLS

jinyoung and mark are my biases, my ults actually <3 and yess i'm keeping up w/ their solo projects even more than before 😭 it's so jdjdkdkd. 2017 was the year i started listening to kpop and around that time or lil later i came across ' you are ' this song is so dear to me i loved it in first listen, its lyrics i love its lyrics sm i made everyone i know listen to it dhjddk yet i didn't dive in deeper bc i was caught up with other group at that time but slowly I started watching their content from 2018. it's like got7's been w/ me since the start & at the same time not </3 but look, lullaby and more importantly spinning top came and everything changed with that album it's so goood from then i started keeping up with their music and check their cbs. i knew jype was meh even when i didn't stan them but i didn't know to what extent, i only got to know after 2019. so far it's all so good and i hope it stays like that. all of their different companies treat and promote them nicely 🥺.

with svt it was instant love i got to know abt them during march 2019 ig, their songs grew on me so fast and boom by the time may came i was a carat, with got7 it was gradual love, it increased lil by lil it's nice but i do wish i could've stanned them earlier. the only cb experience as an official birdie i have is nbtm and last piece 😭 anyway both of these groups are very dear to me not just musically but emotionally too. i love them very much 😔.

also omg those are some of the great artists!! i honestly have no idea how khh and krnb are i mostly listen to kpop and kbands more. i actually listen to a lot of artists but regularly only zayn, svt, got7, the rose (ik we're talking abt kpop but i can't leave zayn out of this djdjdkdk he's the first ever artist i have stanned <3)

also onewe, n.flying, a.c.e, gaho ( i love his voice <3) woodz, day6. yk when you want new music but also something which you'd instantly enjoy otherwise you don't want new music sghjk, when i feel like this i just go to any of their discography. also special mention to hoppipolla and lucy bc they always bring something new to the table i love them for it. i love these artists but honestly i listen to them when i am in mood. i listen to gotsvt and zayn the most at the end of the day. goodnight <3 i love talking to you too 🥺🥺🥺 also feel free to answer late when you're free. hoping i made sense in this one and answered everything bc i am too sleepy rn fjdjkd - 🪂

BLUE HAIRED COUPSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH THE RIPPED ARMS!!!!!!!!!!!1

iconique if u ask me <3 i heard lnr was indeed a good era for everyone!! wasn't it also cheol's first cb after his break? y'all must've had Fun fun

yes i have 😭 i grew up w koreans so... i guess that's also an influence. i got into kpop on my own volition during 4th grade though, so that's prob 2009/10??? GOD I FEEL SO ANCIENT RN!!!! honestly i still dk what 17tv was about i feel like we were just watching streams of some boys w no context as well 😭 AND YES OMG I GET THAT!! svt club is super chill and it's a great way of learning more abt the members!

JKDFJKKJDFFDKJ HELP!!!!!!!!!!! WAIT OH MY GOD YOU WERE IN MY G7 BLOG 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 IM SO EMBARRASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 as i've mentioned last time, got7 got me back into kpop and consequently tumblr 😭😭😭 i 'left' tumblr too and was just checking in occasionally, so when i made that g7 sideblog i was WAY behind the times and my first edits were so fucking- 😭 everything about me then was also so performative idk why i felt the pressure to be in on the club 😭 why were you not annoyed with me then 😭 i'd block me if i saw me on the dash KJFKJFDKJDF thank god i got over it though (or should i be.. i'm a menace on the dash now <3 KJDKKJDFKJF) AND NOOO OMG it's not creepy at all. i put those links in for people to see them after all!! and i'm actually kind of honored you followed me even w/o knowing its me <3 i feel like i've passed the vibe check JJFDKJKJFD do you also follow my main 👀 i rmb someone greeting me here on my bday who said the exact same thing you did 😭

U LIKE OLD MAN JINYOUNG 😭😭😭 ok that makes sense w ur svt bias line tbh <3 i like jinyoung a lot too he's such a smug pain in the ass <3 ALSO MORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i l*ve mark oh my god i- i know i keep saying this... but ur taste <3 AND YOU ARE 😭😭 THE ERAS YOU DISCOVER/GET INTO GROUPS ARE SOOOO GOOD </3 you are was so meaningful to them, and i'm still so incredibly proud of them for this regardless of commercial success. also what group were u into that time omg 👀 I ALSO GOT INTO THEM DURING SPINNING TOP ERA KJFDKJFDKJFJKFDJKFD WHY ARE WE SO SIMILAR!! u seem to like jaebeom's songs a lot <3 AND MS LULLABY!!! oh my god that's my favorite era <3 and yeah, so true bestie, i couldn't be happier for them they're doing FAR better than they have ever had compared to when they were in that shitty company. i'm still so amazed how they pulled all of this off though. jaebeom's must've went thru loads of papework he was prob so determined to show that old man what they are capable of FDJKDFJKD

NAURRR OMG IT'S SO CUTE HOW U PUT IT THAT WAY!! and i'm sure you'll get to experience more cbs with the 7 <3 they were already hinting at it yesterday on twt JKFDJKJKFD

OHHH THAT'S COOL!!! i haven't had a chance to listen much to kbands now, and if u ask me abt them the first ones that come to mind are ft island and cnblue bc im a kpop hag 😭 OH WAIT MAYBE DAY6 for the new ones?? my friends have also been recommending n.flying, the rose, and onewe to me. which bands do you listen to? and zayn??????? <3 ur so right abt that DFKJKJDFFDKJFD also omg go listen to khh they changed my life <3 i can give u a playlist if u'd like!! <3

OH WAIT THERE GOES THE BANDS FKDGKJKJF i usually reply paragraph by paragraph without reading the whole ask so JDFKJDFJK WAIT WOODZ????????????????????????? HELLO???????????????????? I LOVE THAT MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S SO SEXIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he's so cute too if that helps </3 ALSO MOOD I CANT BRING MYSELF TO LISTEN TO NEW MUSIC NOWADAYS EVEN IF I WANT TO BC OF THE SAME EXACT REASON 😭 the way we get each other is so- and i've never heard of hoppipolla omg i'll go listen to them now!! indeed <3 gotsvt is our home <3

and nooo u are so cute omg </3 and don't feel pressured to respond immediately to me as well!! i'm a v late replier but i'll always reply JKJKFDJKFD AND DW everything u said made perfect sense <3 i hope u get/got a good night's rest!! and that you'll have an awesome day ahead <3

#didn't wanna risk losing my tags again so i'm giving u a novel this time around JKDFJKJKFDJKD #anon #🪂 anon #y.ask #long post

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mrpenguinpants · 4 years ago

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Alright, I finally read Reincarnation no Kaben

AFTER MONTHS (it’s probably been a month? My mind doesn’t keep track of the days) I FINALLY CAUGHT UP TO RNK. Ty to Okita anon for the recommendation (*￣3￣)╭💕💕💕 I absolutely loved it.

After this I’ll start on the other recommendation you gave me. I kept a bit of a log of my reading journey under the read more tag.

Major spoilers for literally everything in RNK up to ch 53 “Withdrawal”.

Oh, and I’ll finish answering all my leftover asks and I SHOULD have a fic done by tomorrow. I was so ready to write and then I got up. Now I’m back to bed.

I’m just gonna write this as a log since I read super super slow and I’m only on ch 7 at the start of writing this but I’m really liking it already. Though to be fair. I love everything okita anon recommends haha. I remember you saying you were simping over Kouu and I haven’t gotten to the part where he appears but I wanted to quickly google what he looked like to prepare myself and I see this:

Well. That’s reassuring.

I was actually kinda surprised by how many western figures were in the manga since I know there are only like 7? Around 7 western figures that pop up in any anime/manga but seeing people like Albert Fish was kinda surprising but I really liked it. Also, at the end of certain chapters they write little bio’s on them so you get to know more about them was such a nice touch. I also love that the tradition of making males -> females still stays strong even outside the fate universe hehe.

---

Literally, the next chapter I see him. AHHHHHHHHH. Well maybe not him but his eyeballs.

This guy lowkey reminds me of the MC’s brother but it’s 99% because he has the same long ponytail. I wouldn’t be surprised if the brother was apart of the the Greats. Honestly, Ein reminds me of those really hard headed girls that are actually really kind on the inside but aren’t good at expressing themselves (maybe because that’s pretty much her character). I also like that Ein doesn’t like males but she’s hiding behind this guy. At least, I’m..99% sure this is Ein.

I FUCKING KNEW IT. AS SOON AS I SAW HE GOT A THEIF TALENT I COULD FEEL THE SOLO LEVELING VIBES IN ME. HE CAN STEAL TALENTS I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! I’m surprised that Neumann didn’t say anything and Haito seems to be aware of it.

Edit: Ah okay, I understand a bit now but it almost seems like Haito is the only one aware of Toya’s second talent.

Edit 2: Okay, as much as I love power hungry MC’s I’m really glad they didn’t make Toya into that. I am such a softie for sympathetic and kind MC’s like these even though it’s been done so many times. I’m really glad this didn’t feel like a rehash. I mean, some points some of the stuff Toya says it does but it’s fine, I don’t mind that. I actually gave a crap about him since I usually prefer the side characters (I UNDERSTAND ANON, I CARE ABOUT KOUU SO MUCH AHHHHH) but HAITO?? AHHHHH.

---

I like that Izo always has the same hat in every adaptation he’s in lol. Istg, cats are always op. Schrodinger seems so strong and the parallel universes are my absolute shit. Sometimes I think, in one universe I did this and in this universe I’m not. Would I rather stay in this universe or be in the one where I am actually productive. Usually I pick the productive universe and actually work but sometimes I’m a bit of a slacker haha. I think this is my approach to a lot of things in life. But I digress, I don’t wanna get too deep into my life.

I can sorta sympathize with the sinners. At least the ripper guy to say the least. I love love love unhinged characters that just want to basically destroy the world or at least have fun. But then you find out- wait they are actually sympathetic oh no. That’s how I felt about Djoser in “im the great priest imhotep” (please...i beg...someone read this...I’m so starved).

As much as character development and rooting for the hero is cool and all, I just want to simp for the crazy “let’s burn the world to the ground” kinda character. I’m also so glad Toya doesn’t automatically become evil and try and steal everyone’s talents because he does seem like a good person and I really don’t see him suddenly switching fields so when he saved (I don’t remember names I’m sorry), the undead solider it was really nice. Proves that he still has his humanity and isn’t strictly relying on the branch of sin.

It makes sense that he wants to steal talents since he never had one (and it was kinda out of left field when he killed Vlad and we just never addressed that ever again haha) but to see him actually consider his actions and if he actually want’s to steal his teammates talents feels right to me. Poor guy doesn’t seem to have a lot of friends so this is the first time he’s ever seemed to have companionship, aside from Haito, so I really hope he doesn’t attempt to steal their talents. I think I’m thinking of the slime? That time I got reincarnated as a slime manga/anime. Where he’s the pokemon catcher of skills. I thought that was where it was going.

But I do kinda like how selfish Haito and Toya’s talent stealing relationship is (I mean, later it develops but my first draft of writing this I wasn’t there yet). I’m not sure if selfish or like self-gratitude/pride is the right word but it’s kind of a breath of fresh air. Rather than Haito trying to contain or “help” Toya’s inferiority she’s actually encouraging it and using her own talent for her own...acknowledgement? Er, yeah let’s go with that.

---

This. This interaction. I love this. Like, genuinely love this. We need more of this. Two people from opposite sides finding some common ground and their fight to the death is less about morals or whose on whose side but for themselves. I love that. This is actually some wholesome stuff.

Edit: AHHHHH CATCH MY UGLY CRYING IN THE BACK BECAUSE ALL THE “SINNERS” ARE ACTUALLY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. IM DEAD. YOU’VE KILLED ME.

---

I KNEW IT! YOU CAN NEVER TRUST THESE KIND OF PEOPLE!! I’m going to slap the whiteboard on this but if I see any “goofy” character I’m immediately sus of them.

As much as I hate that Hitler is getting drawn as a small child I really like this. I know the whole, oh I killed your friends but I’m letting you go because you express humanity but I’m gonna finish my death with a sympathetic line, can be annoying to people but idk I really liked this.

Honestly this and the undead soldiers death hit me hard ngl. This manga might not have my favourite art style during some points compared to like main stream manga but it has some really beautiful scenes.

BOOM CALLED IT, though it’s pretty obvious lol.

THE PONY TAIL NEVER LIES AND HES DA VINCI IT MAKES SENSE NOW

He looks so cute lol. I like that Seiya has the talent of being talented in everything while Toya has the talent to steal other talents. Seiya can probably only cap his power by his own physical/mental abilities with Toya can pull a solo leveling and go further beyond. Thinking of it like jack of trades vs master of none type deals. Though, I might be thinking too hard on this. I like that this man is actually humble but I really wish there was a tiny bit more to him since we only get this one interaction/backstory but the manga isn’t completed yet. I really hope we get to know about Seiya more;; like how he became da vinci or etc.

Everytime I see Neumann I look at that comic sans type and it kills me on the inside. But I love that her eyes are 01 just, mwah perfection. These little details that aren’t that big but it’s soooo nice. I also ahem, unhinged character heart be still. It’s really nice reading manga in bursts because you can see the art progression and damn does she look good.

tiny fang appreciation post.

ngl i’M HARD SIMPING FOR THIS MAN. It’s the pony tail, I have such a thing for guys with long hair (and this is why genshin broke me) but man the art really picked up here.

I didn’t get into it but OKITA ANON I GET IT. KOUU??? AHHHH. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE??? As much as his whole “war” was a bit questionable in the beginning and tbh I still don’t really get it I like that he knows he’s not the same as the other Greats but still tries to help the other “sinners” in a way only he knows. That’s why Seiya was so important;; I get that he wanted them to have a fun death and to be understood but idk, the whole war idea and having them kill each other (especially the Hitler fights because I understand the others since they reached some kind of acknowledgement) but nonetheless, what a great guy.

Nightingale gives me mad masaki vibes from chainsawman. I hate them and I can’t wait for you to fail, but the inner part of my is cheering for you because unhinged characters are my shit. I feel really bad for Neumann, I had suspicions she wasn’t actually like that since it’s sooo out of left field but I’m really glad the manga seems to know what it’s doing. I really wish we got more Kouu interactions with everyone tho.

NOW THIS. THIS IS SOME WHOLESOME STUFF. I WANT THIS. I REALLY WANT SPIN-OFF OF REALLY SAD ANIME/MANGA/STORIES WHERE ALL THE DEAD PEOPLE HANG OUT. That’s how I’m feeling about JJK and the scroll segments or BSD WAN that just came out. IT’S SO WHOLESOME TO SEE EVERYONE NOT TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER.

UGLY SOBBING IN THE CLUBBB AND KOUU AND CHARLOTTE AHHHH. I hate how this is phrased but the respect I have for Hitler?? YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD THAT IS TO TYPE?? Kitazuka is cool tho, I really like him. Some god given talent. I’m hard simping over him but I really hope we get to know more about him later.

Getting smug mona vibes, I love this.

AHHH IVE NEVER FELT THIS UPSET OVER AN APPLEEEE. I’M ACTUALLY UPSET. IF HE DIES IM ACTUALLY GOING TO CRY MY HEART OUT.

THE FAMOUS SLAP

I’M SORRY WHA- SLENDERMAN?

Oh..wow. Okay, be still my heart. When I first saw her I thought she was really pretty but now I’m absolutely smitten. God damn, can I please have some more crumbs on these characters before they die;;

AHHH SAME GIRL FUCKING SAME????? I adore these small panels and translator notes. It’s a real breather after the sad 3am hours talk these characters go through.

Yagyuu. Jesus christ. WHY ARE ALL THE DEATH SCENES IN THIS MANGA ACTUALLY SO PRETTY AND STABS ME IN THE HEART??? that’s it. goodbye. im fucking out. im actually so upset rn. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?

---

In conclusion, and I should probably re-read what the characters say and not go off on memory because I’m about to get really deep. I really like how they phrased why they wanted to stop the branch of sin. That there are people just like Toya and Haito who, if they never found the branch of sin, could still probably lead respectable and okay lives. That there was a “them” in another universe that didn’t go down that road and that they want to be in the same universe as “them”. I know this sounds really confusing if you haven’t read the manga but going back to what I said about the parallel universe stuff.

There was a universe where Toya and Haito didn’t rely on the branch of sin, that even without their talents from becoming a returner, they could still live a happy life given their own personalities and attitudes. It was kinda moving since in the beginning, Toya wanted a talent so badly and now that he has one. He’s realizing that wait, I don’t need a past life talent in order to live. Honestly, I hard relate to that because I totally agree with him. If you have a talent you can probably live a very happy and comfortable life that other factors wouldn’t matter if you just have that incredible talent. Thinking of it as a painter or artist, if you had actual god-given talent you wouldn’t need to worry about other factors since people would naturally seek that talent. So you end up comparing yourself to others and setting that limit on yourself.

But that’s okay, it’s completely natural and I’m not saying it’s horrible if you do this. Fuck, I do this all the time. I’m not saying the manga is changing my life but it’s kind of refreshing that it get’s talked about since other adaptations of this just make the character super OP. I understand wanting to have that incredible talent, fuck who doesn’t? but you don’t need it in order to live earnestly in the bigger picture sense. Not everything you do has to be productive and honestly, learning to be okay with having fun is nice. Just being okay with who you are right now, even if it isn’t perfect in your eyes, you still have time to build upon yourself and your own talents but doing it for yourself.

But I probably missed the point and I’m going way to deep haha. But I really enjoyed reading this and thank you once again to okita anon for the recommendation^^ I always love everything you send me and I’ll start reading the next one. If anyone else has any recommendations let me know!

#WOW WHAT A FUCKING TRAIN RIDE #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #ALRIGHT TIME TO GO CRY MY HEART OUT #JESUS THIS ACTUALLY SO BEAUTIFUL???#PLEAE PLEASE PLEASE READ IT #IK THE BEGINNING MIGHT SEEM A BIT WEIRD WITH SO MUCH INFORMATION THROWN AT YOU BUT DO IT #IT GETS SOOOO GOOD LATER #ITS GETTING SO GOOD RN BUT I NEED TO WAIT FOR UPDATES #OKITA ANON YOU ARE SUCH AN MVP FUCK I LOVE IT #BUT YOURE ALSO KILLING ME #super duper fucking i love you i actually love you mwha #okita anon #lovely anon #anon ask #reincarnation no kaben

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rokutouxei · 4 years ago

Text

the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

ikemen vampire: temptation through the dark theo van gogh / mc | T | [ ao3 link in bio ]

The challenge seemed pretty simple: to try to befriend the university bookshop’s most sour employee, Theo van Gogh. As a literature major with a boatload of book recommendations on her back, it ought to be a simple task indeed. But as she uncovers what lies between Theo’s pages, the more she finds it harder to become closer to him without having to put the feeling directly into words. What can she learn from Theo about what it means to stay—and how can she teach Theo about what it means to let go? | written for ikevamp big bang 2020!

[ masterpost for all chapters ]

CHAPTER 8 OF 22

And how impossible it still is: to train the heart to sit. - "The Kindest Thing She Almost Did", Blythe Baird

The College of Arts’ student council has rotating schedules on who gets to organize the university-famous Halloween party. This year, it was the Literature Department and the Film Department that paired up to choose a theme, decorate, and make sure the party is getting smoothly—and the very specific, not-required but entirely funny, theme this year was “Film or Book that you’d love to be turned spooky, but isn’t exactly spooky.”

This is why she thought of coming in as characters from the Night Circus. The black and white stripes matched with red really gives off a very Halloween vibe to begin with, but all the circus-y magic that goes on in the book itself also makes it very viable for the spooky vibes.

She’s now standing in front of the College of Arts’ event hall, where the event is set to happen. She tugs at the locks of hair dangling at the side of her face, the ones she couldn't get to obey her planned updo, even with all the bobby pins.

There's something about scavenging a costume on your own that is so nerve-wracking. There's something more when you're portraying a character from a book someone introduced to you. It feels like it's a duty to get it right. She couldn’t find any entirely matching dresses in the thrift stores she went to, so this was the best she could do: some sort of modern but 1890s-inspired fortune teller mash-up of a costume. The dress was fashioned out of this dizzying deep blue-black velvet fabric, with little speckles of silver glitter like stars across it; she wore a striped black and white petticoat underneath it to give it some volume since the dress ended around the knees. She’d re-sewn the sleeves and the neckline to be similar to that of the era, revealing a nice V along her back and a nice, wide boat collar. Then, she’s put on a small, decorative hat with some red flowers on the corner of her head, and then draped a sheer black scarf with little rosy red designs on the ends over her shoulders. Then she put on some knee-high lace-up boots to add a little grunge to the entire attire. Lastly, she had a few Rider-Waite tarot cards in her pocket (The Chariot and Temperance) just for the vibe of it.

(All this costume preparation was really to wind herself down after submitting her initial requirements to the scholarship selection committee earlier that week.)

Just as she begins to spiral in her thoughts, “Sorry I’m late,” she hears Theo’s familiar voice call out, and she looks up from staring at her shoes and gasps out loud.

Theo’s wearing his hair a little curlier than usual, a lightly-tinted pair of green contacts on his eyes and—as he’s promised—a well-tailored suit, in black and white and red, to suit the general aesthetic of the circus itself. She figured he would come in a suit, but—she wasn’t expecting him to take the extra effort with the hair and the eyes, either. She could even see the little silhouette of a journal peeking from underneath his jacket—he’s obviously prepared even to the smallest details! Maybe, maybe he does look like the Marco in her head. Just a little. Maybe if his hair was darker. She finds herself staring at him for a ridiculous amount of time, so much so that he has to cough to get her attention again.

"The green eyes look lovely on you," she comments softly, hand curling up to gently press his finger at his cheekbone near instinctively, allowing her to observe his eyes better. Theo feels himself flinch in surprise, but he does not pull back.

"Thank you, grey-green was a very specific color."

She nods. "I do prefer your usual blue though." Her hand falls back to her side. "Too bad I can't magic it back?"

"You see it blue all the time. Stop complaining when this was your idea," Theo says, but he offers his arm anyway.

"So sour," she pouts. "How unbecoming of you, Mister Alisdair," she says, as she slides her arm into his.

Theo only snorts; he does not hide the half-smirk. "Only to match you, Miss Martin."

The event hall is lavishly decorated in some sort of spooky, old vampire mansion vibes, with all the matching spiders and fake candles. It is a little silly to see the DJ on the far end of the hall, with his set-up on top of what seemed like a desk older from three centuries ago. The caterers set up the food on a buffet table—also beautifully decorated, how many fine arts majors did the production team get to bully into helping them out?—to get it ready before dinner at six.

But the bar—the bar is open.

“Do you drink?” she asks casually, already one foot towards the bar.

He takes a nervous gulp she pretends not to notice. “Not a lot,” he answers.

“Then a glass will be alright. I told Arthur we’d meet at the bar. Come on!”

Because her college stupidly attempts to seem puritan, official drink menus are not allowed to actually say out loud that they contain hard liquor, so instead have really creative names. This time, they are references to different, random books and films, with fine-print descriptions of what it is. She orders a glass of Pride and Prejudice and Theo gets a serving of Kafka on the Shore. Both of them had just received their drinks when her phone begins to ring, and with a short excuse me she heads to a quieter part of the room and answers the call.

“Dazai?”

“Hello, Toshiko-san. I’m waiting outside the hall, but you’ve entirely forgotten that I haven’t actually met who I’m bringing in.”

Oh! “Well, I told him to wait on a stone bench there… Dark blue-ish hair, blue eyes, a mole on the side of his lip? He responds to ‘Arthur’.”

“‘Responds?’ Are your bookstore friends all a bunch of dogs?”

“Well, this drools at the sight of meat,” you say, unapologetically. “I didn’t see him there yet when I was still out, but—”

She hears a shuffle from the other side of the line, and Arthur’s familiar voice through the phone, a small “Hello, could you be Dazai?” and her friend’s very, very meaningful pause—she can almost see Dazai looking Arthur up and down—before he answers, “Yes, and you must be Arthur.”

The phone call ends and she grins for only a half a moment before realizing what she’d done.

She walks ever so slowly back to the bar, letting it sink in. But once she’s got her glass in her hand, she downs it in one go, surprising both the bartender and Theo. She shakes her head and then sits back down on the stool, half-laughing.

“Something happen?” Theo asks.

She groans. “I may have made a mistake with Arthur.”

Theo takes a sip of his drink, just the littlest bit smug. “Everything is a mistake if Arthur is involved.”

“I didn’t think he’d—”

“Hello, lovebirds,” says the devil, Arthur coming up behind them with—

With Dazai glued to his hip.

She’s known Dazai for a few years at this point, and because they’ve known each other for so long, there are little things she knows Dazai does that may not seem obvious to the onlooker.

First: Dazai is not fond of touching, but he is rather great at tolerating it. It usually takes a few months before Dazai is fine with being touched by someone. Even she took around half a year before Dazai would allow her to hug him freely. When he’s being touched by someone he does not particularly like, he clenches his hands and fits them into his pockets, so it’s not as noticeable.

Observer’s note: Arthur’s got his hand around Dazai’s waist. Dazai’s hands are wide open, resting at his hip.

Second: Dazai is also good at having his practiced smile. He says he practices it in the mirror, did it every day for a year until it became natural to him; it looks genuine and otherwise believable, that is, if you haven’t seen his actual smile. And even if you have, sometimes it’s still hard to tell. His actual, genuine smile, that goes up to his eyes, crinkling the sides of it, and he flushes sometimes too; it’s so wide it reveals the little dimple on his cheek.

Observer’s note: Dazai’s dimple is very, very visible right now.

Third: Dazai has this thing where the longer he considers a person, the less he becomes attracted to them, for some reason, even if the extended thinking time only makes him feel like they’re a better match by the second. Dazai is only genuinely, passionately, instantly attracted to people he knows will pose him some sort of danger and excitement.

Observer’s note: Dazai met Arthur today.

She bites back the groan that’s bubbling out her throat and grins. “Hello, Arthur, Dazai. Having fun?”

“Where’d you been hiding this cutie all this time?” Arthur teases, squeezing Dazai closer to him. “Much fun now that he’s here. I see you’ve started drinking ahead of us.”

“Just a little,” she says. “Shall we find a table?”

The four of them choose a table in the middle of the chaos—Arthur’s suggestion—somewhere midway the bar and buffet. The tables are for six, and the number makes her remember.

“I couldn’t get Isaac to come.”

Dazai shakes his head. “I told you he said he wasn’t interested. Must be working overtime like he usually does.” He nods towards her direction. “Good attempt, though.”

She frowns. “He should really let loose sometimes… I know he’s good at what he does, but a little, one-night-a-year party isn’t going to hurt him is it?”

“Ohoho, what’s this, have another cute friend I have to know?” Arthur interrupts.

Dazai taps Arthur’s nose gently and she wants to vomit. What has she done. “Isaac Newton, a Ph.D. student from the physics department. Too serious for his own good.”

Surprise fills Arthur’s face. “My, isn’t that Newt? Teaches classes sometimes?” She and Dazai nod. “Small world!”

“Next year we’re really finding a way to drag him in,” she says.

To which Dazai laughs, “you won’t be here next year, Toshiko-san.”

There’s a small sliver of silence that settles in between them, just long enough to be felt but not for the conversation to come to an abrupt halt. It makes Theo flinch a little.

“Then it’s up to you guys, isn’t it?” she takes her second glass of literary cocktail—she doesn’t even know what’s in this one, just pointed at the menu, it was titled Wolf Totem—and downs half of it in one go.

“Maybe if a girl came around to bring him, he’d be more persuadable,” Arthur teases, “Look at my chap Theo over here.”

“So you’re Theo, huh?” Dazai purrs. She throws a glare at him that goes ignored. “Nice to finally meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Theo only nods as a response and she takes the chance to get the conversation back in a direction that makes her a little safer from their teasing. “But no, really, Isaac? Coming for a girl? You don’t know him at all, Arthur.”

“Oh, even the toughest guys fall back to romance, don’t they, Theo?”

Theo throws a glare towards Arthur; it is shrugged off as the newly-formed suddenly-a-couple laughs in unison.

Despite the ruckus, the four of them still have some good fun at the party. Arthur Arthur’s non-stop insisting that they play the party games has them rewarded with many things: a stupid award here or there, minuscule amounts of cash that could be used in the future for dine-outs, and even a nice bottle of high-end “water”—it was definitely vodka, the organizers just couldn’t announce it out loud. She and Dazai had to stand up a couple of times to go meet their college-mates in their department, but the four of them stayed mostly together until past dinner—that is until the dance music started to rev up, getting ready for the long night ahead.

“Excuse the two of us, we’re going to do some actual dancing, like people do at parties to have fun,” Arthur says, but his face is already littered in glitter from the poppers and his face is dusted pink from all the alcohol. Obviously, dancing isn’t required to have fun at all. Taking Dazai’s hand like a gentleman, sliding his arm around the other man’s waist, Arthur makes a comical bow to which she makes a face. The two disappear into the crowd of people dancing on the dance floor, and the sight of them so obsessed with each other makes her lean back on her chair to take a sip on her—fifth? Sixth? Ah, who is counting?—nth glass of alcohol.

Wary of being the killjoy, Theo gently asks, “Don’t you want to dance?”

“I mean… you don’t want to, do you?” she asks, facing him properly, glass still in hand. “I just felt like it’d be great to hang out with you here and if you’re not up for dancing…”

“If you want to we should go.”

“I’m not going if you’re forcing yourself to.”

“No, I’m not, so—”

“Theo, sit down!” she says, laughing. The alcohol’s given her skin a beautiful pink flush, and her smiles have turned wider, more relaxed. “It’s okay, I promise. Just sit here and drink your—drink. It’s just nice to have company.”

He nods as she turns back to watching the crowd. A smile still settles on her face as she watches the mass of people dancing and shouting to the music. Theo asks, “Do you always go here with someone?”

She shrugs, taking another sip from her glass. “I came alone the first time, and then the next I went with Dazai. He’s pretty popular—when he’s alone, without anyone slung on him, you know? Lots of people dance with him.”

“And you?”

“Me?” she asks, forehead wrinkling. “I’m normal. I sit and drink until my liver begs me to stop. And then dance until my legs beg me to stop when I’m drunk enough.”

He scoffs, but only in that friendly way of defeated acceptance. “Sounds like fun.”

“So much more fun with you around though,” she asserts, tilting her glass to him. “Cheers?”

“For what?”

And she’s quiet for a moment, before she raises her glass again, saying, “To friendship and literature, of course.”

Theo thinks that’s good enough. They clink their glasses gently and then drink.

For the slightest of moments, Theo considers asking the one question that had been on his mind since she invited him to the party. Preparing the clothes to wear to the event only made his curiosity even stronger, but at the same time, he didn’t feel like he had the right to ask. Theo feels content sitting in his uncertainty, the mystery of it hanging in the air.

But the alcohol has made him a little more courageous.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot!”

“Why didn’t you go as Celia?”

It’s common for a pair of people to attend a costume party in matching outfits with characters that are paired as well. Celia is Marco’s natural pair in the book. Isobel is not. Why didn’t she go as Celia? Theo would not have minded if she did. Celia was fiery and romantic and could see through Marco’s every disguise.

And Isobel longed and longed and never got what she wanted.

“I kind of felt for Isobel, you know?” she answers, in that hesitant way that makes the asker wonder if it’s because of the embarrassment or because of the half-lie. “She was running away, after all. Didn’t you say that was what I was so fixated on?”

And Isobel is only the circus because she was the way for Marco to get to who he loved. Even before he knew who he loved.

“Wouldn’t have expected that from you,” Theo remarks, taking out his little Marco-journal to dust it away idly. “You seem like the type who always feels extensively for the protagonists.”

It takes a moment for the words to sink in, but then, suddenly, her eyes widen brightly. She puts down her glass and quickly swipes the journal Theo kept with him before pulling him up by the wrist. “C’mon, let’s do the photo booth?”

“What?” Theo staggers up. Why so suddenly? “Who’ll watch over the table?”

She places her little hat on the table. “That’ll save it, let’s go.”

Theo can feel his pulse thrumming under his wrist where she’s holding on to him. Theo does not have the will to argue as she drags him to the makeshift studio on the far end of the hall. Instead, he focuses on her—the way her hair’s held up in an intricate braided bun on her head, the fall of her dress over her shoulders, the feeling of his hand around his arm.

She’s such a weird girl, he thinks.

When they get to the end of the line—a short one, bless the universe—she takes out the two tarot cards in her pocket and hands them to him.

“Switch props for the photo,” she explains.

When they get to the photo booth, they opt for two photos; one for her to keep, and another for Theo. They don't even bother with the poses, both half-drunk, holding up their character props as the cameraman fixes the shot. She settles, standing by his side, arms twined, head leaning toward him as the camera flashes once. And Theo can’t help himself when he turns to face her because of that, and before he knows it—the camera flashes once more.

She’s too far into her drinks to have time to think why Theo’s so concerned about seeing the photos first and choosing which one he wants to keep for himself.

It is just a little past midnight when she, Theo, Arthur, and Dazai hop out of the hall. She insisted that it would be better to wait until the end of the night before leaving—making most of the ticket, or something—and the most that they had gotten out of that was a free coupon to a fast-food chain.

That, and this:

She’s half-slung over Theo when she yells at Arthur and Dazai, who are very obviously becoming a little too comfortable with each other, handsy as they huddle together. She shouts: “Jesus, guys, get off each other!”

“Hmm? Right now? Sure, we’d love to, if you don’t mind—”

“NO! NO NOT LIKE THAT!” she yells, pushing away from Theo to nudge Arthur away from Dazai. The new lovebirds just laugh mildly at each other as she huffs and frowns, falling back into step next to Theo. “Oh god, I’ve made the worst mistake of my life.”

“Best mistake of my life,” Dazai says with a slurred laugh, leaning against Arthur. She makes a gagging motion, to which Theo snorts.

Relative to everyone else’s lodging in the university, the van Goghs’ apartment is the one closest to the hall, so the four of them make their way to it, drunk feet stumbling on uneven pavements all the way there. Arthur and Dazai are walking ahead of them—Theo doesn’t know how Arthur knows where he lives, not when he’s never brought him there; that’s a question for a more sober time—and she and Theo walk side-by-side a few feet behind.

She’s not entirely drunk, no, but she’s a little closer to drunk than tipsy, and it shows when she speaks. “Did you have fun today, Theo?” she asks, ignoring the little misstep her conversation has cost her.

Theo has his hands in his pockets, but they’re only seconds away from grabbing her by the arm to steady her. Any minute now. “It was okay.”

She grins. “Great! That’s all I want.” She looks back up in front of them, and Arthur throws one glance upon hearing their conversation, but then quickly looks away. “It’s kinda, uuuuh,” she squints, the words lost. “Different, to hang out with you with ‘thur and ‘zai around.”

See, this is exactly why Theo capped himself off at three drinks. Look—he’s long accepted his less than average tolerance, but to have to babysit a group of drunk college kids… “Bad different?”

“Nuh-uh,” she says. “Jus’ different. Used to only us. ‘t’s nice being alone with ya.”

I don’t want to take care of a drunk you on my own, she hears in her head, and she isn’t quite sure if Theo had actually said it or if it was just a figment of her imagination.

Soon enough, the four of them stumble onto the van Gogh’s front porch, Theo just not-drunk enough to get the key in through the hole. With a click, the four of them are greeted by the bright light of the living room. Arthur must have been the one that hissed. They stagger in, Dazai slamming onto the sofa, Arthur right after him, and she, heading to the refrigerator for some water.

Theo disappears for a moment to check on Vincent in the studio and to tell him that he’s brought his unfortunate group of friends to sober up, and it’s a good thing the drunkards aren’t around with him because the brightness of Vincent’s smile would have knocked them right out.

“I’ll go take a shower,” Theo announces to no one in particular, shouting down the hall as he disappears into his shared bedroom with Vincent. She tries not to think of what that would look like, blaming her wandering thoughts on the alcohol. She’s about on her second glass of water when she spots Vincent headed to the kitchen.

She beams. “Vin-ny~” she reaches out to him and Vincent catches her before she falls.

“Did you have fun at the party?” Vincent asks, half-laughing, as he helps her to sit on the counter—which was what she was trying to do. “How much did you drink?”

She raises her hands up to her face and tries to count, fully knowing she stopped counting after the second glass. “Enough to make me happy,” she answers instead, smiling dumbly at the older van Gogh. “Theo was so grumpy.”

“He was so excited to go, though,” Vincent says, standing next to her. Of course he has no qualms ratting on his younger brother like that. “You should have seen him, preparing for his costume. Did he look just as you imagined?”

“…And better,” she admits, before taking a sip of the water again to sober up a little more. The ice in the glass is helping her brain to chill. “I’m not sure if he had fun, though. I feel kind of bad.”

Vincent hums. “He looks like he had fun. He wouldn’t have brought you guys here otherwise.”

“You think so?” she asks, eyes wide. The blond man laughs.

“I know so.”

By the time Theo comes out of the shower, he’s a little more dressed down, in jeans and a button-up shirt. He looks at Arthur and Dazai, both already long out like a light on the couch, and sighs.

“I suppose you’re sleeping here too,” he asks, looking toward her. She shoots him an awkward grin.

“She can sleep on my bed,” Vincent offers, but Theo shakes his head.

“She can sleep on mine. You sleep on your bed tonight, Vincent. I can sleep in the studio. I’ll just pass by the drugstore a few blocks down for some…” he frowns at Arthur and Dazai, “…Ibuprofen, for tomorrow.”

“Take care on your way out,” Vincent answers, taking a scan at Theo up and down to see if he’s sober enough to go out. Theo really didn’t drink a lot—purposefully, he knew this was going to happen—so he’s standing pretty straight. He nods and makes his way out, the door closing with a gentle click.

After that, she slouches next to Vincent, like she was just holding herself up to seem a little put together for Theo. Vincent pats her on the head gently, like a little child.

“Is something wrong?” he asks.

She sniffles a little, looking down at her shoes. “I was just thinking h’much I’ll miss this.”

“Are you going away?”

“Maybe,” she says, idly. “I want to. Don’t want to. Want to.”

Vincent smiles, the kind of disappointed-but-not-surprised, non-judgmental, gentle smile of an older brother one would give to a younger sibling. Carefully, he hooks her arm around his shoulders, saying, “C’mon, let’s get you to bed,” as he leads her to his shared room with Theo. She is pliant in his arms, legs wobbling but still planted with a balance onto the floor.

The costume she’s in doesn’t look entirely too comfortable to sleep in, so he offers her a loose shirt and some sweatpants to change into. It takes her two minutes too long to fumble into them, but right before he begins to get worried that she’s gotten stuck in the fabric, she knocks at the door to tell Vincent she’s done. He walks in with a glass of water.

“One last before you sleep,” he says, assisting her in drinking. “I hope you don’t have a headache tomorrow.”

But she’s intoxicated, and her brain doesn’t follow along with Vincent, so as she’s drinking the water her eyes are wandering the walls, where various canvases are hung. All of them are Vincent’s, and most of them are unframed, and perhaps have never been seen by anyone besides Vincent and Theo. Once the glass is empty, she turns to Vincent with a glazed look in her eye.

“Do you think there’s going to be something greater for us outside of this place?”

He blinks, taken off guard. She has officially transitioned from clingy, whiny drunk, to having an existential crisis, philosophical drunk. He only laughs lightly, placing the glass on the bedside table as he coaxes her into bed, tucking her under the blanket.

“I sure do hope so.”

#the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart #ikemen vampire #ikevamp theo

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gizkasparadise · 5 years ago

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cdrama rec: ashes of love

Master drama rec list.

Series: ashes of love / heavy sweetness, ash-like frost Episodes: 63 (that i watched in like 5 days dont judge me) Genres: fantasy/wianxia, romance, comedy, angst Spoilers in the Rec: minor ones If You Like, You’ll Like: eternal love (both the show and also the meta concept), moon lovers, tragically coughing up blood to indicate that you’ve been betrayed, reincarnation, dramatic interruptions of weddings, mmmWhatchasay villains, idiots in love, some Romance with your romance

Rank: 8/10

premise

thousands of years ago, the Floral Deity/Zi Fen was dying due to being literally burned by love (long story, flashback eps later). Right before she bites it, she gives birth to a baby girl named jin mi and is so capital-D Done with men and their lowercase d’s (and saw a prophecy or whatever) that she gives her baby a pill that makes her unable to feel love as well as a seal that locks down her powers. she tells her assistants not to fuck with either.

the assistants are clearly uncomfortable by this whole premise, but agree to raise jin mi without her knowing her true heritage, power, or love. this will work well in the long term, everyone thinks. everything will be great, everyone thinks.

for 4000 years, it all seems to be going well enough as jin mi is raised ignorant but happy in her little bio-dome.

but then a fucking bird falls through it:

lol toasty

that bird is actually the true PHOENIX form of Heavenly Prince Xu Feng, who has been injured after reaching nirvana by some SCHEMERS. jin mi takes him in, nurses him to health (after attempting to cut off his penis because she thought it was a tumor yeah really Flower Realm sex ed leaves a lot to be desired), and in exchange she makes him take her to the Heaven Realm aka the EXACT place mama Flower Deity NEVER EVER wanted her to go for REASONS

from there, jin mi meets various deities, gets caught up in some intrigue, carries around a succulent, and maybe there’s a murder or ten. get ready for some Epic Shit.

main characters

jin mi

our hero! having been given an elixir that stops her from feeling or understanding love, jin mi comes across as naive, bubbly, and sometimes a lil dense. as a minor magical being (grape elf lol), she doesn’t have a lot of power but that changes because we’re on an epic, baby. she wears a hairpin that suppresses her gender and power and so she’s often mistaken for a dude

center of a reverse harem that includes dudes and ladies. bestower of terrible nicknames. has mastered the DRAMATIC HAIR TWIRL. is amazing and knows it. watches ur dirty dreams For Science

xu feng / god of war / prince of heaven

the Crown Prince of the Heaven Realm whose natural form is a phoenix. he’s also the god of war because why not and a bit of a himbo/bird brain (ba dum tish). he falls in love with jin mi and completely misses the signs that she is missing his signs.

only drinks natural spring water so you get the vibe that he’s a cosmic foodie. jock that goes through a pretty intense goth phase. could better check his privilege. seduction a la the art of war

runyu / god of night

xu feng’s older half-brother via concubine, and therefore Not the Crown Prince. his natural form is a dragon, and he’s the god of night. a certified Sad Boy, he’s lonely all the time, like his only friend aside from xu feng is a lil baby deer that eats dreams and burbs them out as bubbles.

he’s really chill and nice and yeah the illegitimate son who lives in isolation, falls in love with his bro’s girl, and has severe mom hang-ups is going to have a totally great time in a cdrama :| mmwhatchasay

some support characters selected by how much they are my favorites

yanyou / mr puchi

the actual, literal definition of a “smug snake.” yanyou is the snake deity and Up To Something No Good that we don’t know for awhile. BUT he’s been bros with jin mi since she was in the floral realm, and is pretty much the bestest of friends to her despite all his bullshit (he’s got a lot of all that bullshit). will take you to BOTH types of brothels because he supports your journey, man

liuying

demon princess and bestie of xu feng (and just friends! REFRESHING). she is five ounces of whoopass with a Thing for phantom of the opera cosplayers. whips it baby, whips it right

dan zhu / the fox fairy

xu feng and runyu’s uncle, the younger brother of the Heavenly Emperor. he’s a fox fairy as well as the god of love and marriage. grade-A meddler. diehard jin mi/xu feng shipper. lover of porn.

some support characters selected by how much they are NOT my favorites but are important to the plot or whatever

suihe

princess/current leader of the bird tribe (natural form a peacock) and xu feng’s cousin. is super super trying to lock that shit down with him, so she can become heavenly empress and because she loves him or whatever. is STUPID gorgeous like what demon did she deal with for that face

the heavenly empress

xu feng’s mom, also a phoenix/original head of the bird tribe, and i really don’t think i need to explain this character after you’ve seen this picture. she is exactly who you think she is.

there’s also the heavenly emperor but that bitch don’t get a photo in my recap

Drawbacks

holy hetero, batman! there’s a few lines that had me rolling my eyes

almost all of the main cast have an EQ as deep as a teaspoon, xufeng in particular is super insensitive at times

i am probably in the minority but GOOD GOD we did not need the amount of muci that we got. at all. there was too much/i started skipping all his scenes. you’re tragic, we get it

not a drawback so much as a warning, but jin mi is often the victim of manipulation. she breaks free/has an EPIC “reason you suck!” speech later, but it’s good to know ahead of time

Reasons to Watch.

genuinely hilarious??? which is super impressive considering how DARK this shit could get.

jin mi is so loveable. team jin mi forever

costume porn and how. and also my Supreme Jam of the costuming reflecting the character arcs as the show goes

this series has everything: a baby deer that vomit dreams, sad dragon merman princes, a girl that becomes a grape. corpse weddings

idk you want your DRAMA you want your ROMANCE you want all the colors pulled from your eyes and put into an ORB???

Actually has a pretty happy ending which is LMAO fucking phenomenal based on my (limited) experiences w/ cdramas!

Final Thoughts.

it’s on netflix! go go go

#ashes of love #heavy sweetness ash-like frost #yang zi #deng lun #luo yunxi #cdrama #gizka does kdrama #minus the k #gizka rec #!my post

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kopikokun · 5 years ago

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also omg besides the dy ask maybe u could do a ship 😣 with nct i'm an estp, really loud and open, i like making new friends but its hard for me to be close to people. i love physical affection and cookinh for other people. i am really smart, and quite good at languages doh im majoring in bio-engineering. im not sporty but im quite active (my balance is bad so im quite clumsy) i draw a lot and its one of my charms, i still watch adventure time everyday like a kid but 😛

— :: 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃.

Wow babe, bio-engineering? So, you smartsmart, huh? And you still watch Adventure Time? What do you mean, like a kid? You mean like an absolute ICON! Right? Honestly, I didn’t watch Adventure Time a lot as a kid, but I know that I went NUTS for Marshall Lee. Like absolutely INSANE. Anyway, enough about my weird childhood crushes (because I could go on for ages about that), I think you and Winwin would be amazing for each other!

»» ──────　[*:. ☁︎ .:*]　────── ««

— GETTING TO KNOW DONG SICHENG.

Unlike you, Sicheng isn’t someone who’d like to be the center of attention.

At a party, he’s more the type to teeter along the edge of the room, sticking close to those he’s already familiar with.

You, however, are a completely different story.

Being an ESTP, you’ve just got a natural charm which people gravitate towards.

Wherever you go, there’ll always be at least a few people surrounding you, finding themselves drawn in by your witty humour and eccentricity.

So when Sicheng first meets you, he’s quick to try and distance himself from you.

Honestly, at the beginning, he thought you were just way more than he could ever handle.

You start to gradually integrate yourself into Sicheng’s friend group.

You start to especially click with Ten, since he’s so similar to you.

Despite what Sicheng had first thought, even Kun seems to warm up to you.

He had been the most reluctant to open up to you, but you’d been persistent, whether you had realised it or not, which you probably had.

There were times where he’d be irritated by you.

But once he finally gave you a chance, just like everyone else, he was absolutely enamoured.

You just had this undeniable air about you, and Sicheng was weak against you, like a moth to a dancing flame.

He grew fonder and fonder of your personality, your wit, your personality, your vibe.

He finds you to actually be someone with depth.

You’re smart, like really smart.

He thinks it’s impressive that you know such a wide range of languages since he knows first-hand how challenging learning a foreign language is.

He didn’t think he’d fall for you.

You two are complete opposites.

You’re a free soul, unbound by traditional rules, wings spread as far as the eye can see, while Sicheng is grounded, a fish in a bucket, unable and unwilling to adventure any further than the confines of his plastic home.

He knows that he’s fallen for you.

He won’t try to convince himself he hasn’t.

But he is hesitant to tell you about it since you two are polar opposites and Sicheng feels like he’d only hold you back (aww poor baby).

At first, he thought you and Ten maybe had something, so one day he pulls Ten to the side, face tense and asks him if you two are a thing.

Ten laughs at him, saying that no, you two could never be into each other like that, you’re just too alike for that. He’ll smilefondly and tell Sicheng something along the lines of, “Go get her.”

Sicheng will confess by buying you something you’d like, (courtesy of Ten after he’d badgered him about it for ages) a resolute edge in his eyes but a shy lilt in his voice. He’ll bring you out for a picnic, basking in the sight of you enjoying the view and smiling to himself.

— DATING DONG SICHENG.

Ten is the only person who’s caught on so far (and Kun has a gut feeling) since Sicheng isn’t very obvious about his feelings towards you.

So when the two of you show up, Sicheng holding your hand in his, a timid smile playing at his lips, the rest of the members are shocked.

Actually, shocked is an understatement.

Lucas is very obnoxious about it, letting out exaggerated gasps and, “What????????”

Hendery is all smug, acting like he’s known from the very start although he had practically no idea.

Xiaojun is patting Sicheng on the back and happy that you two are together.

Yangyang is so soft for you guys, like “Aww, that’s so cute.”

Kun is just a whole ass proud dad, yet he still is a bit protective over you and warns Sicheng that if he does anything stupid, he’s gonna get it. Though, Kun knows that Sicheng could never do anything to hurt you, not on purpose anyway.

Ten’s just smirking slyly in the background, teasing Sicheng about the way he was so serious the other day.

Sicheng is just so happy you accepted and reciprocated his feelings for you.

Once you two start dating, his favouritist thing ever will be your cooking.

If you cook him a little meal, he’ll be so happy.

He’ll get that signature Winwin smile, as his eyes glimmer in pure adoration for you.

He’ll pass out if you pack him a cute little lunch/bento box for practice.

He’ll lowkey show off to his friends, but he won’t be loud about it. That’s not who he is.

He’ll just munch on what you’ve made for him, feeling his chest bubble with warmth as he imagines you over the stove, humming softly or grinning toothily as you cut his sandwich into cute shapes.

Is very much teased about it, especially when you make he food in the shape of little animals or a heart.

Makes him feel like a little kid, but also really appreciated.

He’s the type to just subconsciously be the sweetest boyfriend ever.

He doesn’t even think about it, it just happens.

When you try to steal his food, he’ll just feed you it instead.

Holds your hand as you cross the road and wipes off your makeup if you accidentally fall asleep in it.

Isn’t into PDA, he doesn’t like flaunting you too much and he’s a private person, so he prefers to be intimate behind closed doors without any prying eyes.

He doesn’t mind if you initiate contact, but he’s not shy to do it first either. He likes to kiss or nibble your ears. He thinks it’s cute when you squirm.

But it’s not like he doesn’t get shy either. If you find his sweet spot, he’ll definitely crumble and give into you easily.

Since he’s not an extroverted person, he won’t be keen on going out in a large group too often, so he doesn’t mind if you’re out with your friends for long.

He trusts you, and why should it bother him? You’re not doing anything wrong and he doesn’t want you to feel like you’re being trapped in a cage.

Which relates back to that initial fear of his that he’s holding you back.

So, make sure to reassure him that he’s not.

Thinks it’s really cool that you’re studying bio-engineering (though he doesn’t know a single thing about it).

He understands your schedule can be hectic and he respects that sometimes you need time to yourself.

Sicheng is not a clingy boyfriend. He respects your space and hopes you respect his too.

Since he’s quite active, he’s glad you are too. If you’re down, he’ll invite you to work out together.

Likes to look at you draw, though once again, he doesn’t know much about it.

Is glad that you and Ten can vibe over that since he can’t, so he likes when you invite Ten over since Sicheng can talk to him too. Overall, just glad that you get along well with his friends.

Honestly, Sicheng’s a little rigid around your friends at first, but he tries his best to warm up to them.

His favourite routine with you is watching you study or draw as you nibble on the small bowl of fresh fruits and nuts he got for you and cuddling until you two fall asleep while you watch Adventure Time together.

He will subconsciously murmur the songs :)

»» ──────　[*:. ☁︎ .:*]　────── ««

— 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧. | 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬.

#toaster asks #toaster ships #nct ships #winwin ships #sicheng ships #tHIS GOT SO LONG AHHHHHHHHHH #IM SO SO SORRY #can u tell i really like wayv

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