#also being able to drive has kinda fucked me over because I’m just like ‘I’ll drive faster’ which is not the correct answer

[plutotheforgotten]

I am not depressed right now why does it still take me a fucking hour to get out of bed

[itsslivernotsilver]

hi guys does anyone wanna hear about the dichotomy that mist and maddie form in reference to that god damn tomato from the og short stories. ok great here i go

pantheon definitely expands a LOT on the differences between the two sisters but ken liu’s bit about the tomato has always stood out to me and i’m kinda sad they didn’t keep it in the show but whatEVER!!!!!! anyways it’s such a perfect symbol for the glaring differences between mist and maddie and i’ve been thinking about this for almost a year now so i gotta get it out there

like. it’s so simple. it’s just a tomato.

🍅<—tomato. round and red 👍 (also i love that little interaction so much holy shit)

anyways it’s so simple in it’s design but the connections that each sister has with such basic object like this are so drastically different it’s crazy

maddie approaches it from a deeply emotional and human perspective. to her, a tomato means the taste of one, her grandma, her family’s garden, her family’s dog, and just like. general childhood memories. in the show, she represents the side of humanity that wants to stay physically in the real world. she’s obviously friendly with UIs and CIs given that like. yk. and she expresses curiosity in mist and her whole deal!!!!!

but she clearly has her biases and those are shown through her wants for her son and how upset she gets when he advocates for uploading (even though mist practically raised him too but whatever i’m not gonna get into that rn). anyways my point is that she’s approaching this tomato conversation with her experiences regarding physicality, nostalgia, and other “human” feelings

but mist doesn’t have any of those!!!!!! she doesn’t have any human experience at all. she approaches a tomato from an extremely technical and factual perspective. she brings up the species categorization, court cases, genome info, etc. she even decides to mention that, logically speaking, she knows more about tomatoes than maddie does (which is like??? girl????? a little unnecessary but true)

in the show there’s the conversation about nostalgia and her line about having the code for nostalgia but not being able to execute it because of a lack of memories fucks me up sooo bad

she loves maddie and everyone around her because she’s kinda just an actual embodiment of love but she can’t help but feel alone in a world where everyone moves so slow and nobody really gets that she can’t understand a lot of “human” emotions. it’s why she’s so ecstatic to introduce caspian to the cloud and why she’s so passionate about the drive with all the CIs who are just like her. but in this moment she tries her best to connect with maddie but ultimately can’t because of the sheer lack of similar experiences

they just can’t understand each other fully and they never will. they’re forced to agree to disagree over something as simple as a tomato and god that tension keeps me up at night

another thing that i thought was super interesting was how the maddie’s interest in mist was flipped in the show if that makes sense???? like in the stories, it’s clearly maddie who wants to learn more about mist. she tries her best to bridge the gap and it’s her idea to give mist a body. but in the show, it’s mist that seems “more obsessed” (heavy on the quotes) with maddie. she’s reaching out more and she asked for a body herself and maddie lashes out when mist does something while trying to help (don’t even get me started on caspian and his whole deal this season i’ll fucking kill someone)

ALSO i feel like this post is getting too long now but i wanna at least mention the quote at the beginning of the chapter cause holy shit man

anyways that’s it for now i think. i might make another post about the quote and the other stories and some other details i really liked for the nonexistent people who’ve seen this show 👍

[bra1nw0rmz]

*pokes you in the eyes in a very nice and kind way.* Person that made you plushie god here. (Can I have my children back? You stole dem, gimmy em back ples.) Ur pav biker au thingy I am hyperfictioning on it too much, ty for making me get the sillies from dat. Biker pav awsom. ANND BIKER LEVI ALSO IS COOL, I couldn't leave out my soggy dog core buddy.

Owwwe …… my eye

ALSO HI UM…… using this as an excuse to infodump about my biker au…………. I’m a slight nerd abt motorbikes and It’s pavlevi centred so it’s mostly about them

Levi

- Ok realistically he’d have an A1 licence due to being 18 in Europe which restricts the bikes you can ride which is LAMEEEE!!

- In Czech you have to be 24 to get an A licence, meaning you can ride whatever. But idk that feels like too much of an age jump when everyone else is the same age

- Most other places make it so you have to be 21, so I’ll just use that instead. Levi can be 21 in this au

- I mean honestly I could just get rid of the motorcycle licence tier thing all together

- It’s a modern au but cmonnnn Funger universe does not give a fuck about its youth… but eh it’s whatever

- Prefers bikes around 600-800 cc. Fast !! But not exactly death wish fast…….. I mean kinda but still

- He just likes being able to accelerate fast, he doesn’t speed too much

- The top speed he’ll go is 150-170 km/h but Pav coaxes him in races to go faster

- The type of biker that prefers to go on long drives for hourssssss

- He just likes to go on rides to clear his head :3

- Id say he’d have a Yamaha XJ900 Diversion. But I did think of a Yamaha XJ6 Diversion F too

- either way, a Yamaha fan

- I’m going with the XJ900 tho… but hey, maybe it was his first bike, got an older model for cheap and then after a while of dating Pav he got a XJ6 after persistent bugging to get a faster bike

- XJ6 is still comfy for long rides but lighter and faster… more sporty than touring (They are both sport touring bikes)

- I mean XJ6 is only like 10 km/h faster so still staying with the XJ900

- Coz the XJ900 is FAST, 900cc, a very all around good bike. XJ6 is 600cc but faster due to being lighter and more built for speed.

- And realistically he’d only have the XJ900 bc bro cannot afford 2 bikes!

- He is not made out of money and he is not selling his XJ900 !!!! it’s sentimental !!!!

- got sent to military school as a kid by his bitch ass father, so he’s a little fucked up still

- Lived in a community housing place for a while after military school as he found out his mother died and refused to move back in with his dad

- Lives in a small apartment building now

- It’s really small and Pav keeps coming over for long periods so he’s thinking of moving into a bigger place for the both of them

- Has definitely dabbled into drugs(heroin mainly) before but trying to get clean… the long rides help clear his head

- Works at a gun/hunting shop owned by August

Pav

- All his bikes are 1000cc or more bc he’s actually crazy

- Ofc only owns sport bikes, gives them all names too

- While he does go through a lot of bikes, because he crashes all the time and somehow never gets severely hurt, his go-tos are Honda or Kawasaki bikes

- His favourite and longest owned bike is the Kawasaki Ninja ZX-10R… because she was the fastest Pav owned and he has a death wish

- He named her виктория (viktoria)

- She got into a crash so she’s been sitting in Abella’s shop while Pav saves up to fix her

- Takes his side mirrors off to lane split better

- Was a squid before Levi came around (squids are people who don’t wear protective gear) but still only wears heavy protective wear on night rides when he goes super fast

- During these night rides he so takes his license plate off lmaoooo

- Averages 200-300 km/h on the rides 💀

- Does a lotta bike tricks for fun too

- Served in the military for almost a decade and a half before having to retire for an unknown reason but still getting paid (ooooo mysterious)

- Does odd jobs here and there for extra cash

- But um don’t ask where he gets all the money for his bikes !!!!! He’s super cheap in every other aspect of his life

- He’s milking randoms for their money for alcohol, food, fuel, etc lollll

- Pav has gotten kicked out of apartments a few times in which he would sleep on Daan’s couch at his bar

- the type to stare down cops and purposely speed in front of them so they chase him, always leaves them in the dust bc he drives like a maniac

- Got caught once because he didn’t realise a cop was following him and he stopped for gas

- Got out of the speeding charge by giving the cop a blowjob bc I think that’s hilarious 

- Anything to get outta spending money ig 🔥🔥🔥

- All his bikes struggle to not go over the speed limit so he has to backpack Levi when cruising around town

- Pav complains abt Levi being slow and Levi tells him to shut up lol

- purposely makes his exhausts louder than necessary because he’s definitely compensating for something

Daan

- owns a bar that motorcycle gangs frequent a ton

- It’s not even branded as a biker bar, nor is he a biker, it just naturally became one bc Daan doesn’t give a fuck about appearances and treats everyone the same

- Pav flirts with him constantly purely to try and get free drinks. Daan knows this and ignores him

- Marcoh works as the bouncer there (also a biker)

Abella

- local mechanic !!!! Pav’s go to when he can’t fix his bikes himself

- Pav will drop a completely totalled bike in her workshop and tell her to fix it and Abella will tell him to get the fuck out of her shop

- She also rides a motorcycle, I’m thinking a dirt bike of some kind?

- Definitely owns atleast a few different motorbikes though

- She’s an off road girlie at heart

Karin

- Pav smashed her side window clean off in a drive by after she didn’t let him pass her the road so she’s been trying to track him down for a while now

- just wanted to say her road rage is fucking terrible, you are scared for yours and other people’s lives if she’s behind the wheel

- still a journalist, still has anger issues

O’saa

- Owns an occult shop and rips people off with stupid card readings

- magic and stuff still exists btw, albeit heavily faded, he just overprices everything

- Marina works at the shop

- O’saa hardly even runs the shop tbh, it’s mainly Marina doing it

- He’s off doing fuck knows what

Other thoughts;

Pav has a really good poker face. And Levi is autistic so he just believes everything he says, not a single shred of doubt… and Pav is like… in awe……. He knows he’s good at lying but he’s just… Confused at how fast Levi believes him.

“Can I have a 20, I ran out of money and I need gas, I’ll pay you back.”

“ok”

“…….. this is the 6th time I’ve said that.”

“You said you’ll pay me back”

Pav feels guilty for the first time in his life so he actually does pay Levi back

Pav going on and on abt how much he hates cops (he got a speeding fine) and Daan is getting sick of it so he pulls out a photo of Pav in the military. Pav turns his head and refuses to look at it. He is like totally silent and Daan keeps on trying to get him to look at it and he just turns away more and more… Don’t ask how Daan has that photo

This is how Levi finds out Pav was in the military because Pav never says anything ever abt his life

ANYWAY THERES MORE BUT I FEEL LIKE I LOOK CRAZY RANTING ABT THIS AU SO ILL STOP

[themoonunderstoodmydadjokes]

..

Had a very honest conversation with my therapist this weekend about how bad my anxiety had gotten over the last couple of weeks (to the point where I almost couldn’t rationalize what was real and what wasn’t and leaving my house for anything besides work became almost impossible).

And while we had a very in-depth discussion about what I could and couldn’t handle and how I was struggling so much to perform basic tasks and not sink into everything my anxiety was telling me about myself, she brought the analogy of a filled cup.

But it was from the perspective of, life has filled your cup with all of these things and what’s left in that cup is what you have to operate from (rather than “you can’t pour from an empty cup”, it’s you only have so much to give from).

She tells me that because of the way my life has been, my cup is about 75% full at all times leaving me with about 25% to give to anything else (which isn’t a lot when you’re often operating alone, without close family or a partner). And like yeah, I’ve known this and oftentimes I even use the “spoon theory” to explain this exact thing.

But something about her explaining it like that kinda just made something click (she also said that I might get old and gray and that 75% will go down to 50% but that most likely I’ll always have less to give from because of the significant trauma I’ve been through. Which, like, fuck 😅🫠).

And I think my anxiety brain is like, “that’s not an excuse to not participate and function well in life”, but it also in a very somewhat healthy way is. She continued to tell me that I can’t set myself up to function in the same way as someone who’s cup is only 10% filled, because it’s an unfair imbalance and I’m never gonna function in that way.

But I look at the way I have tried to operate in for most of my life and it’s only ever benefited other people, while I continuously have less and less to give (and almost always it’s someone who’s cup is at that 10% and I allow them to pour it into mine in an unhealthy way)

And I even think further than that into like, what does that look like in a relationship or friendship? Like I’m always going to need more support to function or always be at a place where I can’t give equal to what my partner might be able to give (and as someone who always wants to give, it seems unfair to feel like I might need more care taking in a relationship. I also think this is why I relegate myself to just being alone orrrr why I end up seeking out avoidant partners maybe 🫠).

And like, as much sense as it made for me, it still is just like really unfair and for as much treatment I’ve done and work I’ve put in, I’m still gonna always have to like learn to give less of myself (or alternatively put in so much extra work to reach the same goal as someone else) all in an effort to like not drive myself over a cliff.

I don’t know, anxiety brain wants to like not blame other people (even though there have some highly abusive cunts in my life), and anxiety brain tells me I’m responsible for the situations I put myself in and also the work to undo the trauma of those situations (which hello, let the other party also take accountability for how they abused you, you dumb bitch). It’s a never ending cycle and C-ptsd constantly makes me feel like a raw nerve someone can’t stop poking at.

[hannaday81]

My Stray Kids Facfic Recs

Lee Minho + Hwuang Hyunjin = Hyunho

bagelboy

Baby, You’re Kinda Driving Me Crazy (I’m Not One to Need Saving)  *Finished

There are some things everyone just knows. The sky is blue. The earth is round. There are 365 days in a year. Hyunjin hates Minho. Minho hates Hyunjin.(And they are intent on keeping it that way.) (Turns out, the universe has other plans.)

You'll Feel it Kicking in Soon (Are You Falling in Love?)  -NEW

Although Hyunjin prides himself in being able to read people from the inside out, there are moments when his brain somehow fails to put the puzzle pieces together in a way that makes sense. Like right now.“You’ll deny it until the day you die,” she says.“Deny what?"“That something changed,” she replies. “When you met him.”

ChansOtherRoom (MB1000)

The Best Mistake  *Finished 

And it was dried (thankfully.) But it still meant that blood was flaking off of the omega for whatever reason. Which could only mean that he had had an open wound at some point during the night. Which- “Holy shit.” Which of course made panic course through him once again. Because why would he have a wound on his neck? Why would- “It looks like a bite mark.” Minho swallowing as he finally moved to sit up. “It looks like a…” But once the alpha’s upper half was fully raised and head no longer buried into the pillows and blankets, Hyunjin’s eyes zeroed on Minho’s neck as well. Before widening at what the omega saw and… “M-Minho…” And there was dried blood coating the alpha’s neck as well. With teeth indents underneath that… “What the fuck happened last night?” That looked like a mating bite. - OR - Hyunjin ends up accidentally mated to the one person he absolutely cannot stand.

exhale_now

need a second to breathe  *Finished -NEW

“Why haven’t you kissed me?” Hyunjin asked again as he took another step into the kitchen. “You’ve… you’ve kissed everyone else in our friend group. Why not me?” Or, the casual questions that Hyunjin asks at a party changes everything for him and Minho. Someone's going to get hurt - spoiler, it isn't Hyunjin. But it's okay - it's totally fine and Minho isn't breaking his own heart by hooking up with someone he most definitely got over his crush on ages ago. Right?

fvckingangelic (recursiveloop)

high definition  *Finished

“Have you ever considered collaborating with another streamer?—Uh, never thought about it.”It would break the first rule of this whole thing—revealing his identity. Even if it’s to someone in the same boat as him, someone who likely doesn’t want their face getting leaked any more than he does, it’s still a risk, one Minho doesn’t quite want to take.The chat fills with agreements that he definitely should, even throwing out suggestions.Then someone suggests Honeyjin and the rest latch on.-Or, it's hard to get over your ex when you're fucking the guy that looks just like him.

hyunknow

I loved you then (i'll love you now) *Finished

"Hypothetically speaking," Minho asks, "Say you're immortal and you keep seeing your ex-boyfriend from a hundred years ago, what would you think?" "I'd assume that my ex was also somehow immortal."Or.5 times Minho sees Hyunjin after a hundred years and 1 time he talks to him.

Love Let Me Breathe, Love Let You Remember  *Finished 

"Six months." Hyunjin pleads, his hands trembling "Give us six months for Minho to remember me and if I'm still coughing up flowers by then," he swallows thickly and sets his jaw in determination "if he doesn't love me back in six months then we can discuss our options."orMinho loses his memory in a car accident and Hyunjin is determined to regain his love despite the flowers growing in his lungs.

Still Calling For You *Oneshot

Hyunjin makes the mistake of getting a little too drunk at his friend's engagement party.

sofwrites

all these little things  *Oneshot

Something has been different lately; and Minho has really been trying to figure out exactly what it is. How come he misses Hyunjin the second he leaves for another dorm, one without a bedroom for them to share daily? Why does he find himself at a loss for words more often than not in Hyunjin's presence, when he's never been this tongue-tied before? And for what reason does he find himself spending more time alone with Hyunjin now, when he's really had all the chances in the world for years?or; Minho falls in love without really noticing. The object of his affection certainly does, on the other hand.

fingers crossed that you don't scar me for life, that you don't kill the stars in my eyes, 'cause i really, really want you and i-- *Finished  Hyunjin wants to snort at the idiocy of it all - the premise, the set-up, the fact that they’re all here and intending to participate - but thankfully, he refrains. Instead, he’s reminded of how tonight will be the last night he and Changbin can spend together in almost a month, because after this they will be staying in separate rooms while they all date around for five days.After that, there’s going to be some kind of ceremony where they get paired up with someone who isn’t their own partner, and proceed to live with this essential stranger for three weeks before having to make the choice of whether they want to pursue something with the stranger, whether they want to return to their original partner and marry them, or whether both relationships will end and Hyunjin will go home by himself to start all over again.* * *“I’m not sure who the person I’ll spend the rest of my life with is yet,” Hyunjin declares, watching Minho’s eyebrows climb higher in surprise, “but I’m pretty sure about the next few weeks.”

he didn't mean to seduce him (the first time)  *Oneshot

Hyunjin didn’t mean to seduce Minho the first time. He swears.

if love is blind, and i love you, then why bother with rose-tinted glasses?  *Finished

In which Hwang Hyunjin and a bunch of strangers are thrown head-first into the latest reality dating show where they're supposed to a) find and b) get engaged to the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with. The twist? The participants have no idea what their dates look like.or; "If someone had told me before this that I would be saying what I am now, I don’t think I would have believed them. I told you you changed me. Within minutes, as if it were that easy."

love is a masterpiece, but you never cared for art, did you *Finished 

"Do you understand? There are other people, there are things I've always known and have been comfortable with, and then, Hwang Hyunjin... Then there's you."

unfinished business: in my mind you're always mine  *Finished

“So…,” Hyunjin eventually murmurs, stealing Minho’s attention in a heartbeat. “At what point do we tell them that we dated for two years?”“After cashing the check,” Minho replies.“Deal,” Hyunjin says quietly.Minho shivers. He never fully understood the meaning of making deals with the Devil before this exact moment.

want nothin' on me but you  *Oneshot 

“Good,” Hyunjin tells him, gentle words and touches all over Minho’s body as it trembles with the pleasure coursing through him. “There we go. My silly alpha. You gotta breathe for me.”“I’m trying,” Minho mumbles, or something like it, and sighs in relief when Hyunjin presses a heavy kiss to his lips so Minho doesn’t have to remember his words anymore.

want you (to want me again)  *Oneshot

“I’m not nervous,” he responds instead over his roommate’s coughing. “I can’t remember the last time I was nervous. Hopefully it’ll either go well or straight to hell, as long as it’s entertaining. If this guy turns out to be a boring ass prick, I might leave before dinner even arrives.”“Minho, he’s not a boring ass prick. Do you think I would set you up with a boring ass prick?”

what's that saying about keeping friends close but enemies closer? (asking for a... friend)  *Oneshot

“Look which doorstep you showed up on,” Minho mutters, hesitantly crouching to get a better look at the semi-familiar face that has sneered at him so many times before. It isn't right now. “This is a first. I know you're obsessed with me, bug, but bothering me when I’m literally minding my own business is another level even for you.”It seems Jiniret hasn't lost consciousness completely, even though he sags against the wall. There’s a small huff from his dry lips and flicker of his closed eyes, and then nothing, as if Minho imagined it.“Close,” Jiniret breathes, as if speaking is an effort and enunciating his syllables almost impossible. “You're close. ‘Couldn’t… couldn’t make it anywhere else.”

strayfever

Venomous Love ~hyunho  -NEW

It's the typical Enemies to Lovers story, flavored by yours truly.Raised in the same neighborhood and social circle, Minho and Hyunjin know each other far too well. Both families are well-known chaebols with deep roots in the South Korean economy. Their successes are crucial to the country.Being the only sons and heirs of multibillion-dollar companies, they are raised to hate the Lees or the Hwangs. Whenever they cross paths, they take every opportunity to humiliate or destroy the other. This ends most of the time in a fight because the only way they feel like winning.. is by using their own strength. Something money can't control.Lee and Hwang are obsessed to get under each other's skin, making them blind to see what is fueling the said obsession.Lee is 27 and Hwang 26.

stupdme

CHANGE OF PLANS 

Cuando Minho tiene una nueva víctima en la mira, Hyunjin se propone evitar a toda costa que su mejor amiga caiga en las garras de aquel idiota. Frustrar el plan de Minho, ¿Qué tan difícil puede ser? Considerando que el plan que quieres arruinar es el incorrecto, imposible. ━ Cambio de planes, ella ya no me interesa, lo quiero a él 

suhmthingoriginal

Elementary  *Finished -NEW

The last people Hyunjin expected to see on his unfortunate preheat outing was his student and his student’s hot alpha father

yeolinski

Picture Perfect  *Oneshot

hyune: I legit queued for the toilet for 15 minutes, just so I could take a dick pic on the plane for you Self: why didn’t you take it next to your window, with the view of the clouds? Self: friendly advice, for the future Self: Could’ve been much more romantic hyune: I tried to, but the old lady next to me was eyeing me after the first two attempts. I think she even tried to rat me off to the stewardess as a pervert. hyune: Some people just don't understand modern romanceor, the one where a single dick pic rocked Minho's world.

[slightlyaboveaverageiq]

The Whisperer: Part 12 (Wally Clark Fic)

I felt his energy before I saw him or heard him. I continued reading my book without acknowledging him. Honestly he could wait a few minutes after what happened today. “Mo…” his voice sounded so lost and broken, but he did it to himself, he asked me to do something I told him weeks ago I had no intention of doing.

“We aren’t visiting yet Wally I’ve still got 6 pages in my chapter.” Before I could even do anything the book was launched across the room and Wally was straddling me. “Well now it’s even more time because I have to go back and find my-“ My speech was cut off by a very high pitched screeching noise that came from me horrifyingly enough. The stupid ghost was tickling me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t quite catch that you might have to try again.” He continued his brutal assault on my ribs and neck with me unsuccessfully trying to bat his hands away.

“O-okay you’re forgiven!” I finally get out grabbing his hands and trying to catch my breath while I gazed up at him to see his eyes a dark like before. I follow his line of sight and see that my sleep shirt has ridden up so he can see the black lacy thing underneath.

“I don’t know I kinda like you squirming and out of breath beneath me.” He muttered before leaving wet kisses in a line just above my underwear and along my thighs. What the hell man it’s like fucking whiplash. “Tell me about the accident” He managed to get out in between kisses on my body.

“Wally-“ I tried pushing his head away but he caught my hands and held them to my sides staring me down as he licked a long strip up my thigh to my hip making sure to leave a mark. This man may make me cum without ever actually touching my pussy.

“No, I’m going to keep doing this. I want you to tell me about the accident. Close your eyes.” I did as he said and focused on his fucking wonderful tongue dancing along my body wondering about how it would feel- “You’re not telling me the story, I’ll stop”

“I was 10, my brother Connor -the one I live with- was 24. He had flown in from Florida for Christmas and my parents and I were driving to the airport to pick him up. I was being a brat and screaming that I wanted a hot chocolate at the airport but my parents had both said it was too late and I would have to go to bed when we got home. My mom was trying to reason with me but I threw my book at her so my dad turned my head around for just a second…but that’s all it took. There was a drunk driver out that night, he hit us head on. It was so cold, and then there was this light. Not like the overly dramatic light that you see in movies but just kinda like I was walking into sunlight. My mom and dad were way ahead of me and I was running to catch up with them, that’s when I felt arms pick me up and I was looking at this man I didn’t know. He shook his head and he said that it wasn’t my time yet, that I still had so much work to do. And then I woke up and the EMTs were talking about how it was a miracle because I had been dead for 12 minutes. That wasn’t the last time I saw the man, he’s been back in my dreams every now and then since then, he explained I could see and talk to ghosts because I had technically died. I can also project, which means I can go into people’s dreams or visit their resting place but not for very long. So I mean yes I guess I could technically tell Maddie’s friends I know but it would be in a dream.” Wally moved so he face was hovering over mine and he kissed my forehead.

“I’m so sorry Mo, we should have never asked you to help Maddie. I never should have asked you to help Maddie.” Damn it he looked so fucking sad.

“Maybe I’ll be able to help Maddie one day, it’s just not a day in the foreseeable future.” He nodded and traced his finger down my face, neck, all the way down my body until he reached my thigh.

“You’re so pretty Mo, and such a good person even if you think you’re not.” He shifted just so and I could feel his cock staining against his pants on my thigh. “Do you want me to tell you a different story now?”

“I think I know the story, and considering how emotionally taxing this day has been it’s going to have to be another. You’ll spend the night with me though won’t you?” He smiled and nodded before spooning me from behind. “Hey Wally, just so you know I normally sleep naked.” Wally groaned and turned away from me.

“Jesus Christ Mo.”

[slow-apocalypse-zone]

Reblogging my own tags bc I definitely cared a lot about what I was saying(to the point of hitting the tag limit) and if ppl want to talk abt them this might make it easier

I’ll do a kinda image description/transcript below the cut, but adjusted slightly bc it doesn’t have to fit into tag formatting. All the words and punctuation are the same though. Mostly I’m just taking out hashtags adding paragraph breaks lol

theres also a little further discussion under that if you're interested in reading it!

(#public resources) (#open discussion)

yeah. we need to improve stuff in A Lot of places but that isn't gonna look the same everywhere

personally? I seem like a lazy suburbanite. but I also have joint issues and shit and hate that stuff isn't stacked like Lego bricks instead of being spread out and that I have to drive to get Literally Anywhere in ten minutes and that it isn't neccesarily Safe to walk places because guess what!!!

summer is hot as balls and there isn't shade!! walking half an hour to the nearest strip mall with nowhere to take a break from the heat and the sun and sit down to rest my joints? that's dangerous!

drivers around here don't give a fresh shit about bikers either and the sidewalks aren't wide enough to legally or safely bike them

so the option is walk(feel sick and be in pain and have no way to take a break to recover so it the discomfort and pain just get worse) (esp in summer and winter. my mom has an intense pain reaction to cold and i sweat excessively in heat which doesn't do anything in high humidity areas like where we are)

bike(you might die or get badly injured and yeah you might get dismissed bc you're the one biking in the road but it's illegal to bike on the sidewalk so what the fuck am I supposed to do)

or drive(this is a skill. you need to have a car or someone who will let you borrow theirs.

to learn you also need a car and someone to teach you.

then you need a car to get to the dmv(the nearest one is 45 minutes away by car) and for your practical test.

before the practical test you need your learners.

which means you need to study your ass off so they can't pull a gatcha with obscure road laws and then get to the dmv.

again you need someone who can drive you to the dmv to take the learners permit test

and then once you have your liscense after all that you still need a vehicle and to pay for gas.

and then there's the emotional conflict some have over using gas cars at all. unless you have an electric but then you have limited range of movement

basically. yes you could say l'm a lazy suburbanite but understand that it's kinda SHIT to be in the suburbs if you don't have a car and those cost a LOT over time even after purchase, tuneups and gas and tire replacements and maintenance ect ect)

like. if there was a trolley system at the front of the collection of neighborhoods I'm in even. that'd be awesome. I can easily walk there.

or even benches Anywhere along the way to the nearest stores that don't require me to cross a three lane street(both ways so six? idk) with no crosswalk and hope that the church over there didn't start locking up again and that no one will pester you about faith and how 'prayer and excercise will fix all your health issues' (im agnostic so I HAVE faith. just not in your bible. and believe me I excercise)

like. I need to stop now and again without needing to get into theological discussions that I don't want to have. I want to be able to stop in the shade and rest without crossing the dangerous road that doesn't have a crosswalk

anyways. I'm out of tags so I probably should've just responded normally but here we are

End transcript

These are things that make living where I live So Frustrating when your whole family just has one car. But the solutions for our problems(adding rest stops to sit and maybe a water fountain every few stops, busses that go to more central/necessary locations, wider sidewalks for bikers and more laws protecting bikers in the streets, that kind of stuff) won’t solve every problem ever in transportation, walkability, and accessibility of necessary resources.

For example, we don't really need to add ramps anywhere here, because everything is sloping and mildly hilly, so 'ramps' are more default as we work with geography. Instead, adding stairs paired with that would be amazing, because some people have issues that make walking on inclines, even mild ones, painful and dangerous for their long-term health. Most places have the opposite issue, but the goal shouldn't be to replace stairs with ramps and vice versa, but rather to add what isn't there when there is a need for it. There is almost always a need for it.

Edit:

Sometimes the slopes are too severe for wheelchairs as well. In those areas, we should add stairs and proper ramps. Not one or the other.

“America IS walkable, you’re all just lazy” my childhood home was an hour from the nearest hospital (by car)

[shatterthefragments]

I SWEAR TO FUCK IF IM STRESSING MYSELF INTO BEING SICK AGAIN 😭

Like wouldn’t it be fucking funny (Murphys law and all) if after spending August sick and not testing positive for Covid once over several weeks I tested positive now? (If I don’t sleep enough I wake up with a cough and sore throat. This is normal for me. Food and hot water help though and I’m relatively fine now just tired and anxious. I’m a bit sneezy though (I was outdoors around pollen though) anyway I will be testing before my shower but fuuuuuck (most likely I just need to stick something in my mouth. But shit)

(I’m. As much as I want to be here and see what my friends have shared. Alas I should. Do the things I need to. Because I have to actually be prepared Prepared or else I might fucking kill someone actually. Driving myself to and from work on a familiar route is far different than hours away in The Big City Area and I feel like shit rn tbh)

(…at least part of this is that I need to eat again. But!!! Made it home SUPER QUICK bc the express bus and my connecting buses all lined up PERFECTLY)

Had a dirty pumpkin chai latte possibly decaf (I asked for it to be and I think it was they just ended up calling oat pumpkin chai latte when giving it to me is all so idk for sure for sure bc my thoughts were already racing bc there’s so much for me to do :() and bagel breakfast sandwich this morning (and a donut from another place) and they were really good (I enjoyed the pistachio coconut cream one better last week though) (also I always kinda almost choke on the cinnamon/nutmeg on top of some drinks :()

Ah AND the show I am supposed to see next week is postponed to an unknown date and it’s just. 😔 idk if I’ll still be able to go to whatever date it’ll get rescheduled for.

Really,, I should say that I can in fact work the day I booked off (EXCEPT that I might be able to get to see one of my friends that day!!!) and most likely the schedule is already written (unless they just fucking ignored my day I need off notice bc manager is sick rn and who knows if the asst mgr can actually write schedules bc last time he just copy pasted basically 😬) and. Regardless. I could go in anyway bc I want to go see the aquarium.

And also my favourite pants in one pocket has mystery threads so I’m hoping they’re still okay bc I don’t even know where to begin trying to see if/where the problem is let alone how to fix them

[ceruleanwhore]

I got rammed by a dump truck recently, so I want to talk about insurance since it’s all new to me and my company told me jack fucking shit.

First off, the second they tell you your vehicle is totaled, return the plates to the RMV. You can do this online and don’t actually have to go fuck around at the RMV but what that does is make it so your car is officially gone so you can cr cell your policy and not be out here making insurance payments on a car that doesn’t exist. No one told me this, so I actually made a payment after my car was totaled and now I’m waiting on a refund.

Second thing is that, if you take time off from work to heal, you can put in to get your lost wages, but it takes fucking forever. My biggest problem with the aftermath of the accident was being broke and then (still) not having lost wages and, when I returned to work, not making money fast enough to stop being broke. If I had the money from that insurance payment or my lost wages, it would be different, but this shit takes forever.

Third is that they will tell you fucking nothing. You’ll make a million calls with a million questions and the super simple ones will be answered while anything they don’t like will get you bounced around between departments until you give up. That’s the other thing is you’re just supposed to magically know what to ask and which department to ask it of, or else you get fucked over. You’ll probably have one person who’s just there for your medical billing and then another person who’s assigned to your case, but pay attention to names on the stuff they send in the mail.

There are some things you can answer for yourself without calling your company, like if you live in a no-fault state or not. My dad found a helpful list of car insurance faq’s for my state and I’m sure they’re out there for the other 49 too. This actually is how we learned about canceling the plates.

The fourth thing is that, if your car is totaled, they’ll send an adjuster out to the tow yard it’s being kept in and then they’ll give you whatever they determine its value to be. For myself, I got a COVID car that was fucking $20k for a fucking three year old Corolla, but they valued it at $17k so now I still have to pay the remaining $2,000 (I’ve already paid off so the loan’s down to $19,000, not 20.) This is super fun because I don’t have a fucking car so I’m staying with my grandma and she’s driving me to and from work and now I have to pay off this $2,000 before I can even think about getting another vehicle.

That being said, apparently your insurance has ways of providing things like rental cars, which is my fifth point. Given that I haven’t actually procured this mythical thing and no one would ever rent to me without insurance providing this, I’m not 100% sure how this works. However, even in a no-fault state like mine, they can look at the situation and see that an old couple ran a stop sign and hit me with a fucking dump truck and now I can’t go anywhere and then get me some transportation.

The last thing I’ll say is to expect any and all phone calls to be intensely frustrating, confusing, and unhelpful. I was hardly able to do fucking anything on my own even though I fought tooth and nail but when my mom started making calls for me, stuff finally started moving. However, my mom literally built a file for me and took so much time out of her work days for this shit that she also wants to put in for lost wages because that’s how long you have to spend on the fucking phone. Oh and they’ll only be open 8-4:30 so good luck navigating around any work or school schedule at all to do that. They’ll also do fun things like wait a whole week to return a call or call your mom’s phone instead of yours for a callback, even though she said 3 times in the voicemail to call your number.

Now, if you’re neurodivergent, you’re kinda just screwed. I’m autistic and this whole thing makes me want to vomit and then stab like five people including myself. It’s deeply, deeply, painfully uncomfortable for anyone, but especially anyone who isn’t neurotypical.

[runninguplenorahills]

Ayyeee, I missed you too!!💗💓💕💗💓💕💗

So glad you’re doing good🌷

Ohhh, a friend of mine is taking driving classes rn as well! Most of my other friends already have their driver’s license but only one/two of them actually drive regularly. As for me….. I’m actually terrified of cars and traffic so I won’t be getting my driver’s license ever I think 🥶. The evening classes do sound inconvenient af so I’m wishing you an extra amount of luck for your those and the tests!💕

My sleep schedule is also out of this world in the worst possible way so I feel you sm! It’s always easier to fuck it up more than to even just make it okay again. Uni starts again on Tuesday and my sleep schedule is not prepared but maybe that’ll be my motivation to improve it hahaha. I want to be hopeful and say we’re both gonna fix our sleep schedules🥲💞

Nothing is getting done in this house either if I’m not the one doing it 💀. My mom had a week off work and planned to clean up our little balcony which kinda has been used as storage space for the past five years but she didn’t so we’re gonna do it together tomorrow. Or I guess I will do it.

Sorry but your grandma’s cat sounds like a demon😭. I hate when cats scratch because I actually love cats and I adore patting and playing with them but I’m fucking allergic and there’s only so much I can endure 😀. Burning cuts and breaking out in hives is where I draw the line. I hope you can give her all the cuddles she needs without having to suffer too many injuries 💀. Death by cat is what we want to avoid hahhaha.

OMG! I just applied to a job and I left my phone number and my email address…. so tell me why they insisted on calling me instead of just sending an email?!? I HATE phone calls 🥶. Death by phone call is more likely it seems but I hope you can exposure therapy your way through this! I believe in you!💞💕💗💓

Oh yes, I noticed you were tumblrina-ing less than usual hahah. I would say I’ll update you if anything big happens but as Uni starts again next week I will probably dip again 😗👍.

I’ve been doing pretty great though! My finals went well (except for biology which I didn’t take) and I applied for art school which is incredibly exciting!!!!! Haven’t heard anything from the school yet but I can wait (as of rn but in a month I’ll probably rip out my hair over not having received anything yet haha). I already thought about posting the stuff I drew for my art portfolio on tumblr but idk how smart of a choice that is (I mean, my current banner is one of the works I put into my portfolio so I guess I already kinda crossed that line but I think I’ll wait with the other drawings). I’ll do it after the school has contacted me again :))!

I’m also finally seeing the sun again (give me all the vitamin D please) so my mental health is improving as well🌞. Im also actually so excited for Uni to start again with the lack of biology courses and the insane amount of English courses I’ll be taking and the fact that it’s gonna be good weather again and I’ll be able to meet up with people from Uni at the city’s central park and anywhere really and I hope I’ll make friends eventually 🌷. I already met some cool peeps but I haven’t had the courage to ask anyone to spend time outside of Uni yet :/. Been doing some reflecting on why that is and damn, past friendships really fucked me up big time💀. So I’m planning to be more open and take more initiative with friendships next semester and I’m very excited about that!

Oh and I’ve been reading more again!! Matter of fact, I should probably keep reading “Persuasion” now because I fear I’m headed into a reading slump as a result of being on tumblr again 💀. But it’s also so so nice to be back and interact with people💕💞💓💗💕💞💓💗💕

Hello, how are you doing?🌷💓🌞

omgggg lenora you're backkkk hiiiii 🥰🥰💞💗 i missed seeing you on the dash the past weeks so much 💕💕💕🫂

i'm doing good right now actually! (putting a read more here in hindsight because of the ramble lmaoooo)

i'm doing a course to start taking driving classes. which... happens to be in the evening so that does kind of suck actually. but yk exciting to finally get it out of the way! and i'm also almost done with it by now, there's only this week (including the weekend uhm) and part of next week left and then i'll have a normal schedule again akdfhad

(i usually have an atrocious sleep schedule but somehow being out until almost 10 and having to eat dinner then is fucking it up even more. good to know a bad sleep schedule can always be worse if you try hard enough🙏, maybe that'll finally motivate me to improve it when i'm done with the course crying)

and i'm also crossing some things off the list of chores no one in the family has done in ages since i've accepted they're not happening otherwise. like taking my grandma's cat who didn't see a vet in almost 10 years to one last week and she shockingly didn't try to kill me!! (surprising because she's genuinely insane. there's baby photos of her trying to bite people's arteries open. i love her and she has issues. she's cute too, no matter how many of my relatives think she's butt ugly, it adds to her charm. she does look weird tho i admit that. also really fat, big girl, i had to buy a whole new carrier to even fit her into it 😭) big fat cat who hunts mice for fun, looks weird as hell, loves biting people and is also the most touch starved cuddly cat i know, she contains multitudes

she's fine but i'll have to take her again in a few weeks, i'm convinced she'll return to her killer roots now that she remembers what a transport carrier looks like. but i'll just be optimistic about it until her teeth are in my arm 👍

byproduct of that is also that i'm trying to exposure therapy my way through my crippling fear of making phone calls to officials and doctors and so on. thanks insane cat of my grandma 💗 it's a process but it's definitely getting easier

also side effect from all that is that i haven't really been on tumblr much the past 2 weeks either (i mean i say that, i am actually still on here but i usually just scroll and don't have time to reblog/post when i'm on the go. tumblrina is a chronic condition for me i fear)

but there's also not been that much production news for ST or anything i could have missed out on so good timing :D

this is kind of a ramble of what i've been up to adfkjadfj how are You?💞 it's so nice to have you back on the dashhhh

[ughitsnic]

Baby Steps: Robin Buckley x Reader

Another kinda angsty one, from the request/ask I posted earlier. I’ll link it here

Warnings? Language and homohobia

Also really importantly Before I start I just want to say I can’t imagine how awful being openly out as a lesbian in the 80s would be. When I came out, everyone treated me so differently, girls stopped being my friend and everyone always had something negative to say. It was horrible, and compared to others my experience is a walk in the park. So whilst it’s unrealistic to the time I really don’t want to focus on homophobia because reading has always been my escape and I know that’s true for many people, so I’m going to keep it to the absolute minimum because in all honesty I don’t want to write it in great detail because it sadly is still a reality.

You were doodling in your book, and if anyone was to ask you anything about the class you wouldn’t be able to answer a single question about what the teacher had been going on and on and on about. What you did know however, was that the jocks behind you were making your patience run incredibly thin. You heard your name mentioned yet again, along with a snicker. You drop your pencil down, and spin around to face them.

“Oh hey y/n” Katie laughs, covering her mouth trying to hide the stupid smile on her face.

“Hey girlie” you say as fake as possible.

“Y/n, is it true you eat pussy?” David asks, snorting as he laughs.

“Yeah…” you look between all of them, confused.

“Gross” David laughs.

“David… are you gay?” You ponder, why else would he find the gross?

“Fuck off”

“Why would you say that?” Katie looked just as offended.

“I’m sorry” you pout. Her expression turns to confusion. “You know that you’re super handsome boyfriend over here” you motion to David. “Thinks eating out his girlfriend is gross. I bet that sucks having to fake your orgasms all the time” David’s face turns just as red as Katie’s.

“No- no I don’t” she sounded unsure, obviously lying.

“Is that a lie? David, don't be embarrassed, lots of men can’t please women in bed. It’s okay”

“As if you’d know how to” David snaps back.

“I do know David, actually. I make my girlfriend scream every night. If you need tips, don’t be afraid to ask” you wink, turning back round a smug grin on your face as you go back to doodling.

“What the hell was that?” Robin whispers, nudging your arm.

“Relax, I didn’t say it was you” you make sure to keep your voice low.

“Still! If anyone found out about-” she pauses, you let out a long exaggerated sigh.

“Your secrets safe with me” you hold out your pinky.

“You’re such a dork” she intertwined her pinky with yours.

“So are you, and that’s why we are BEST friends” you wink, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

You and Robin lived on the same street, so you always walked home hand in hand… unless other people were around, then she was quick to drop your hand… so by always you actually mean only sometimes.

“Do you want to come around for dinner tonight?” You ask her, watching how she looks around so scared that everyone was going to see the two of you holding hands.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“Don’t apologise baby, my moms making fajitas tonight and I know how much you love them” you offer, hoping she would say yes… mainly so you could sit in your room and make out without the fear of someone seeing. “Then later we could go on a drive”

“Oh a drive?” She wiggles her eyebrows.

“Robin!” You gasp dramatically. “Get your head out of the gutter!” She laughs.

“Sorry I’m just curious, I overheard that you know how to make girls scream”

“That’s how it starts, just curiosity and before you know it you’ve caught the gay” you tease.

“The gay” she says dramatically.

“It’s a disease… according to David anyway”

“God he’s such a douche” she giggles, stopping outside her gate. “I’ll ask my dad, if I can come round. Wait here” you watch her rush into the house, leaving the door open ajar. You kick an empty can of cola around, waiting for your girlfriend. The new minutes felt like a lifetime. “Okay dad, see you later” Robin shouts, walking down the path. She looks around before taking your hand.

“I was thinking later we go on a drive to our spot?” You propose robin nods quickly.

“Our happy place” the way she says ‘ours’ makes your heart flutter. ‘Your spot’ was a parking lot in the next town over which overlooked the entire town and had the best sunsets.

Whilst robin was freshening up in the bathroom, you stood in the kitchen, helping out your mom,

“Hey mom, I was wondering if I could maybe borrow the car after dinner?” You ask, laying out the knives and forks.

“As long as you both wear your seat belts” you watch her dish out everything. “Also, young lady” she points at you with a knife, her cheery tone gone. “If I find another scratch on the car, it will be the very last time you sit behind that wheel” she threatens.

“Yes ma’am” you salute her.

“Oh behave” all her seriousness gone.

“Dinner was amazing miss y/l/n” Robin says, collecting the dishes and taking them to the sink.

“How many times do I have to tell you, leave the dishes to me Robin” your mom adored Robin, she always jokes about how she is the daughter she never had. Your mom definitely had her suspicions about the two of you, but never brought it up. Instead she would loudly announce she’s about to come into your room, waiting a second and then opening your door.

“Really? It’s no trouble” robin assures your mom, but she was quick to dismiss her.

“Robin, leave them otherwise you’re never invited for dinner again!”

“Are you positive?”

“Robin!” Your mother shouts, taking a long drink of her wine. “The keys are in my purse honey, both of you be safe” you take them, Robin following you to the front door. “And wear your seat belts!”

“I’ll make sure she does” Robin calls back.

“Good girl”

The journey is on the longer side, but I guess it has to be if you want privacy, so nobody from school sees the two of you out on a date, or something as simple as a drive in the evening. You groan internally as you stop at yet another red light, drumming your fingers against the wheel. Robin had her arm out of the window singing along to herself.

“Baby, look at that dog” she says excitedly pointing, you look over at the chocolate Labrador.

“He looks like Bruce” you ponder.

“Bruce? Nah, maybe” she trails off. “Tina, he could be a she you never know”

“That’s true, yet my bets are on Bruce and I know I’m right” she just hums in response.

“That’s funny” Robin giggles

“What is?”

“That you’re always right” she smiles wildly at you.

“Weird coincidence that” you shrug as robin begins to lean in to kiss you, her lips barely brushing against yours before you both jump back in your seat, the car behind you honking.

“Shit” you look up at the green light, slamming your foot down. “How long do you think it was on green?” You bite your lip. Robin turns to look at the guy in the car behind.

“Well judging at how angry he looks right now, I’m going to say a while” you shrug it off, turning the radio up, Africa by toto starting. You look over at robin, before turning it up even more.

“I hear the drums echoing tonight, but she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation” you sing, using your fist as a microphone, not hitting a single note.

“She’s coming in 12:30 flight” robin leans towards your hand, grabbing your wrist. Mumbling the words she didn’t know, you doing the same, struggling to sing because you were both laughing too much.

“Hurry boy, it’s waiting there for you!” you both practically scream, slowing down at another red light. “It’s gonna take a lot to take me away from you” you both pointed at each other, faces inches apart, both windows down so both of your hair was flying wildly about in front of your eyes. “There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do!” You giggle resting your head on her shoulder. You sit back up straight, the light turning to green. As you speed down the street, you sneak glances over at Robin, a huge grin on her face as you both continue to sing at the top of your lungs. She leans over, kissing your cheek.

“I can see you staring, maybe you should keep your eyes on the road” robin suggests, biting her lip in attempt to hide her smile.

“Good idea” but you couldn’t, you continued to admire how happy and carefree she looked and couldn’t help but feel a twang of sadness knowing that moments like these didn’t last forever.

It didn’t take much longer until you were at the parking lot, the blue sky clear, apart from the deep wave of orange on the horizon. You turn the engine off, leaving the radio playing as you both get out, and leant on the hood of the car, resting your head on her shoulder, her arm around your waist.

“I’m going to say something really cheesy” you announce

“Please don’t ruin the moment”

“It’s beautiful, but not as beautiful as you” you grin, and she scrunches her nose up.

“God y/n, you get worse” she groans, playfully pushing you away.

“You didn’t like that?”

“No it was awful” she mumbles against your neck, wrapping her arms around you, pressing little kisses up and down your neck. The sound of car wheels on gravel causes robin to pull away from you, scooting away leaving just a little too much space between you. You force a smile on your face, looking away from your girlfriend and back to the sunset. Your bottom lip trembles, as a rush of emotion takes over. All you wanted was for it to be like it was, all the time, carefree, but it never will be. You understood why Robin was so scared, but it didn’t hurt any less.

“What’s wrong?” Robin asks and you shake your head. “Cmon, talk to me?”

“It’s nothing” you lie. Robin reaches over to take your hand, her thumb rubbing on the back of your hand, a small gesture to try to soothe you, until another car drives by and she drops it, shoving her hands into her pocket. You let out a shaky breath, you didn’t know how much more of this you could take.

“Do you see a future with me?” Your voice frail, you didn’t even recognise it as your own voice. You couldn’t look at robin, you keep your eyes fixed on the town below, scared for her answer. anything other than yes would break you. She rests her head against your shoulder, taking your hand in here again.

“What’s in your mind?”

“Please answer the question” you voice raspy, fighting back tears.

“I think so” fuck.

“Robin… What does that mean? I-”

“Y/n”

“No robin, let me talk” you practically beg. “I don’t want to hide forever, I’m not saying I want you to make out with me in front of everyone, but maybe you could hold my hand every once in a while?” You sniffle, taking a deep breath, unable to stop the words falling out of your mouth. “I love you Robin and I don’t want you to think this is me forcing you to come out because I don’t. I want you to wait until you’re comfortable. I- it- I” you struggle to find the words. “You, it hurts when you are so dismissive of what we have, how it almost… disgusts you? I just wish you would be more conscious of how you treat me infront of everyone” your chest was hurting, swallowing back cries. “I know you’re scared and I know it shouldn’t but it makes me feel so bad”

Robin takes a second to digest everything. “You know I don’t think before I sleek” her tone was dismissive.

“Robin please listen to me, I know that you don’t think before you speak, that sometimes you’re a little clueless and I love you for it. But I’m telling you now so please listen to me” you beg, didn’t even realise you were crying, until you taste your salty tears on your lip.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Robin's voice was hoarse, no louder than a whisper.

“God no. I want a life with you, more than anything” you stress. “I don’t want to stay in Hawkins forever, I don’t wanna get stuck here. I wanna move to the city with you, have a cute apartment, get a cat, work together in our own little cafe, like we talk about late at night. But I don’t think I can do that if you can’t even hold my fucking hand” you start to get more and more worked up, Robin opens her mouth to speek but you cut her off again. “I hate not being able to kiss you on your doorstep after a date, or walking home from work and school. I hate that our Other friends don’t even know. One day I want to tell the world I love you, I love you Robin Buckley” you shout. You choke on your tears “it’s so silly but I want the same from you, to tell the world you love me, that we are girlfriends” the silence between you was agonising.

“We will, one day” robin tries to comfort you, resting his hand on your shoulder

“I’m scared it will be like this forever” your voice wavering

“Y/n, I’m not like you. I’m scared. I see what you have to go through everyday and-“

“But we will have each other, it doesn’t matter” you were desperate at this point.

“Do you know why I fell in love with you?” Robin asks and you shake your head.

“Please don’t say it’s because I’m the only lesbian you know” you try to joke, but terrified it would be the truth.

“It’s because you are so unapologetically yourself y/n and I admired that about you. I wanted to be like you… until I realised that wasn’t true and that I wanted to be with you” she takes a deep breath. “And I do want to be like you, be able to be brave enough to tell people who I really am and who my girlfriend is” Robin wept into her hands, wiping her eyes, catching her tears on her sleeve as they fell. You pull her into a hug, she squeezes you tight, the both of you swaying. You close your eyes, breathing in the sweet smell of her shampoo, trying to calm down. You open your eyes to see another car, pulling into the parking lot, trying to move out of robin's grip but she holds you tighter. “I can’t promise I can walk into school holding your hand, but maybe one day” you smile.

“I love you Robin”

“I love you” she whispers against your neck.

“I’m sorry I just needed to get it all off my chest. I promise this wasn’t my plan for tonight”

“I understand baby” she cups your face, you look around at the other couple parked a few spaces away.

“Robin” you whisper. She shakes her head.

“I can’t be scared forever. You’re right”

“You don’t have to” you didn’t want to push her too but she shakes her head before kissing you again, assuring you she did in fact want to kiss you right now,

“Just baby steps”

“Baby steps” you repeat, breathless from the kiss.

“Now about that cat” she grins. “If I remember correctly, you didn’t want a cat”

“If a cat makes you happy baby, I'll buy you five”

“Is that a promise?” Robin asks, hopeful.

“No, maybe two” a shiver runs down your spine, now that the sun had set it was dropping colder by the minute, and neither of you were wearing thick clothes, silently deciding to get into the car. You turn the engine on, turning the heating up all the day.

“I don’t know if I said, but today with David you were hilarious”

“Why thank you, I do try… I was going to tell him I fucked his mom but that might have been too far”

“Maybe a little” you stop at a red light and robin leans over to kiss you again, you lean in for another. “Green light babe”

[cjsinkythoughts]

The Conversation

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 7661 (Don’t come at me - you guys asked for it)

Warnings: !FATWS Spoilers!, Cursing, Fluff, Feelings, I Dunno What Else, This One’s Pretty Chill, Except The Ending, But You’ll See When You Get There

A/N: Here it is! I was hesitant about posting it because that means we’re getting closer to the end and I’m such a nostalgic bitch! I’m definitely gonna cry next week when the last episode comes out! Anyways, I’ve got a few things to talk about:

I think this is one of the most important chapters I’ve written and I’m excited to see your reactions to it. It is longer, but you guys asked for that, so you got it! Also, I’m loving the Asks, Comments, and Reblogs. I try to respond to all of them. I have work in a little bit, so I won’t be able to until after, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Ask me anything; about my series, the show, any of the movies, personal stuff, I really don’t care. If you’re not comfortable, that’s totally fine! Every like means so much to me!

I know it’s not the end yet - we’ve got one more episode and a list of One Shots to get through - but there’s a definite feeling of this series coming to an end, and I just want to thank you all for the support and love you’ve been giving it! I’ve really enjoyed writing these characters and this story! It’s very, very special to me and I’m glad I’ve been able to share it with you lovely people!

On that note, be kind to yourselves and others! Thank you again for reading! Excuse any mistakes - this isn’t beta’d! Enjoy and stay tuned!

FATWS Masterlist

cjsinkythoughts Masterlist

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT! (Sorry for the gifs I just love them so much and he’s so pretty and this part is technically two parts so...you get four!)

“Louisiana.” Bucky hummed, looking around the airport.

You rolled your eyes. “You’re not gonna find anything interesting about Louisiana in here, doofus. Let’s call an Uber.”

“An Ooper? What the hell is an Ooper?”

You giggled, shaking your head and grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the luggage carousel. “Uber. It’s like…a taxi service. But there’s an app on your phone to get a driver instead of waiting for one on the street.”

“Oh.” He blinked, tilting his head. “That’s…helpful.”

You laughed again, stopping in front of Carousel 3, where your flight from New York was assigned. You went back to New York to grab a bag with clean clothes and other necessities, along with taking a real shower for once. It was nice to be back in the States, as much as you loved traveling. It’d been a crazy few weeks and you were ready to just relax.

“Do you think there were any problems with Sammy’s present?”

Bucky shook his head. “Nah. Especially considering they know who we are.”

You snickered at his slight grumble. They had had…problems at the other two airports - first the one in Sokovia then JFK in New York - considering Bucky’s entire arm was metal. It’d taken a full hour before they actually let you go, and by that time they had to give you a new plane because yours had left.

“Seriously. Who else has a fucking metal arm and has 1917 listed as their birth year on their Driver’s License?” You giggled again. That was also true. They thought he was messing with them. It wasn’t until you stepped in a few minutes after they asked Bucky to step to the side, seeing Bucky get frustrated, that they realized Bucky wasn’t pulling their legs.

“Well, we’re here now and that’s all that matters.”

He nodded in agreement, watching for your bags, his hand finding yours when he realized how many people there were. “Do you know where he lives? I didn’t even think about it.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. He invited me over once. I declined, but I saved the address.”

“He…invited you over?” Bucky frowned.

You gave him a look. “I’m sure he invited you, too. You just never checked his texts.”

He licked his lips, tilting his head. “Yeah, no, I know, but I mean…why didn’t you go? Weren’t you two just talking about how you wanted to meet his nephews the other day?”

“Yeah, but I had gotten a tip on Wanda at the time and I didn’t want to miss the chance that she was there. He told me it was fine. I still felt really bad. I could tell he was a bit disappointed. I think it was one of the boys’ birthdays. Or something. I don’t remember. Is that bad? Yeah, probably. I really should remember. Maybe I should keep track of birthdays on my calendar or something.”

“Doll.” You looked up to find him giving you a magnificent smile, teeth and all. “You’re rambling.”

“Oh. Am I? Sorry. I didn’t realize.”

He shook his head quickly, squeezing your hand. “Don’t apologize. It’s cute. I’m just not used to you talking so much. You kinda did on the phone sometimes.”

You shrugged, pushing down the heat crawling up your neck at his words. “I rambled a lot to Steve.”

“Oh.”

His face fell, making you scrunch your eyebrows up in confusion, nudging him slightly to grin at him. “It’s nice to have someone to ramble to again, though.” There was that smile again. You were stopped from saying anything more when you noticed some kids pointing and chattering excitedly at a gleaming silver box coming around the corner on the conveyor belt. “There it is.”

He looked over his shoulder, dropping your hand and stepping over to grab it, lifting it effortlessly. You didn’t know what was in it or how heavy it was, but you were sure it felt like a feather to him.

“Alright. Got our bag, sweetheart?” You lifted up the duffle in answer and he jerked his head towards the doors. “Let’s get outta here, then. Call that Booper or whatever.”

“U-B-E-R! Ub-er!” You threw your hands up, following him as he started walking towards the exit. “What’s so hard about it?!”

He just gave you a little smirk over his shoulder.

***************

Bucky kept asking the Uber driver questions about his job. The guy was super nice and patient the whole time, a thick southern accent lacing his answers. Southern hospitality was no joke and apparently had no limit as Bucky asked about his experiences, listening intently and telling him his own stories of taxi drivers in NYC.

When you got to Sam’s sister’s house, Bucky, being Bucky, tipped the driver half of what you paid for the ride, thanking him for his time and energy, before getting out.

“You’re so adorable, you know that?” You teased him as you stepped up the porch stairs and knocked on the door.

He rolled his eyes, a tint of pink dusting across his cheeks. “He was nice.”

You hummed at his defense, the smile never leaving your features. After a moment, Bucky raised his fist to knock again. “Jesus Christ! Don’t fucking knock their door down!” You grabbed his wrist and lowered it.

“Sorry. I forget sometimes.” Bucky informed you absentmindedly,  tilting his head to peek in the window. “I don’t think anyone’s home.”

“They’re probably at the docks, then.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “The docks?”

You nodded, gesturing for him to follow you. “Yeah. They have a boat, remember? He talked about it last week.”

“Oh right. The one he’s trying to convince his sister not to sell.”

“Yeah.” You confirmed. “I’m pretty sure it’s that way. I don’t know how far, but we can call the Uber back-”

Bucky scrunched up his face and shook his head. “Nah. I don’t wanna bother him again. We can walk.”

You gave him an incredulous look. “It’s literally his job to drive people around.”

“Well, yeah, but what if he’s got other people to drive?”

You lifted his metal knuckles to your lips. “Trust me, Buck, I’m sure he’d rather drive you than anyone else.”

“Thank you?”

Swinging your now linked hands, you gave a firm nod, letting him know it was, in fact, a compliment. “You are so very welcome.”

The walk was a lot longer than you thought it was, and you ended up on Bucky’s back after he kept complaining about how you “shouldn’t be walking this long” and you were “injured” and you “needed rest’”. You’re not sure how a shoulder wound affected your ability to walk, but you relented and let him carry you the rest of the way to stop his whining.

“You forget, you did pull your thigh.”

“That was, like, three weeks ago! Yeesh!”

You finally got to the docks, which were bustling with people. Bucky set you down and raised an eyebrow which you shrugged in reply to, before heading over to where you spotted Sam with a few other older men.

“How do we get it off the truck?” You heard Sam ask, pointing to a large boat engine part in the bed of a beaten up truck. Scoffing as Bucky lifted it up without breaking a sweat, you leaned against the truck. Bucky grunted and set it down, looking at Sam.

“You’re welcome.” What a punk. “Just dropping this off.” Bucky lifted the case and set it where the engine was previously, Sam coming to stand on the opposite side of the truck as you. “You can sign for it and I’ll go.” You snorted, shaking your head, making Bucky shove your shoulder - the uninjured one - playfully. “I called in a favor from the Wakandans.”

Sam looked at you curiously. You shrugged and shook your head. “Don’t look at me, Sammy. He wouldn’t tell me what it is. He’s all hushy hushy about it until you say so.”

Before Sam could reply, there was a squeak and hissing over at the boat where steam was coming from a few pipes.

“Sam!” You knew that was Sarah from pictures Sam showed you. You stayed up by the truck, pulling yourself onto the bed while Sam tried fixing the pipe, Bucky butting in to show him how to do it properly.

“Why didn’t you use the metal arm?”

You saw Bucky lift up said metallic limb. “Well…I don’t always think of it immediately. I’m-I’m right handed.” Letting out a laugh, Bucky turned around and scowled teasingly at you. “And what’re you laughing at?!”

“Nothing!”

“Well then get your ass over here!”

You rolled your eyes, hopping down from the truck as Bucky asked if Sam wanted help with the boat. You leaned against a wooden post, grinning when Sam looked at you.

“I don’t have any plans.”

Sam gave a small smile, jerking his head back. “Yeah.”

You jumped down onto the boat to follow him, looking over your shoulder and stopping with an amused eyebrow raised as Bucky introduced himself to Sarah. “I’m Bucky.”

“Ah…Sarah.”

“Sarah.” Bucky repeated her name, before walking towards you, a grin still on his lips.

“Careful, Barnes. That playboy Steve warned me about is coming out.” You nudged him with a smirk, ignoring the feeling of your stomach dropping.

He rolled his eyes, kissing your head as he passed you and Sam to go where Sam was gesturing. “Don’t worry, Y/N. You’re still my doll.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, falling into step besides you and lowering his voice. “Conversation?”

“Hasn’t happened.” You informed him through clenched teeth as he groaned.

Sam gave you a list of chores that needed to be done to clean up the boat, giving you a quick tour and letting you know where all the tools needed where. You set to work immediately.

Sanding down, replacing old parts, cleaning, polishing and painting over the things that didn’t need replacing. They didn’t let you do any heavy lifting because of your stupid shoulder, but you were still able to help.

Sam had turned on some music for you to listen to, so you danced around the boat while cleaning. Turning your head when you felt a pair of eyes on you, you smiled when Bucky snapped his head back down to the wood he was sanding down.

“Gonna dance, Barnes?”

He looked back over, shaking his head. “Nah. I’m good watching you.”

Rolling your eyes, you got back to work, continuing to bop to the music, fully aware that he was watching you now.

A little while later, you were repainting the edges of the boat orange, when you looked over and noticed Bucky playing around with a paint scraper…sitting right on the edge that you had just finished repainting a few minutes ago.

“Buck!”

He looked over, eyebrows raised. “Yeah?”

You bit your lip, trying to hold back your mischievous grin. Shaking your head, you waved dismissively. “Never mind!”

He gave you a confused sort of pout, before shrugging and continuing to fidget with the tool. It wasn’t until later when he got up to help Sam tear the metal plating off the edge that it came to light with Sam chuckling and raising an eyebrow.

“Sit in something there, Barnes?”

“What?”

Bucky craned his neck back, eyes widening when he saw the orange paint on his ass, contrasting with his jeans. You let out a cackle and he whipped towards you, pointing at you accusingly, although the small uptick of his lips let you know he wasn’t really mad.

“Y/N!”

“No, no, no!” You laughed, sprinting across the deck, shrieking when he grabbed your waist and spun you around. You gasped when he grabbed a paint brush and painted an orange stripe right down the front of your shirt. “James!”

“Justice, sweetheart.” He breathed in your ear with a chuckle.

You shook your head, wiggling out of his hold. “This is a nice shirt!”

“You should’ve thought about that before.” He smirked, crossing his arms. Your eyes caught sight of Sam behind him, who raised an eyebrow and the bucket of paint he was holding. You nodded with a little giggle, making Bucky’s eyes narrow. “What’s so funny over there, do - holy shit!

You guffawed as orange paint dripped down his head, Sam standing innocently behind him with the now empty bucket behind his back. “Samuel!”

“Oops?”

“I’m gonna kill you!”

“Try me old man!”

“Fuck!

“Doll!”

“Oh my God!”

Paint, orange and white since those were the only cans they had out, flew across the deck, paint brushes being used like fencing swords.

You found out too late that wet paint was a little bit slippery and you slid on a huge puddle, sending you, not onto the ground below, but over the side of the edge into the water. 

“Doll!”

“Cher, you good?!” 

The three of you looked at each other, stunned for a moment, before bursting into fits of laughter and you nodded. “I’m good!”

The boys helped you get back up onto the dock, Sarah appearing with towels she conjured up out of thin air. “Let’s get you into dry clothes. Do you have-?”

“We’ve got some. We got a bag.” You told her with a grin, facing the guys. “You two should clean up some, too. Sammy, you’ve got a little something right there.” You pointed to your cheek, his own having a giant white splotch from his temple to his jaw. “And Buck?” You sniggered, gesturing to the whole of him. “You’ve got a lotta something right there.” 

“Ha. Ha.” He looked down. His top was practically tiger print, drenched in orange with white here and there, and his ass still orange as well. His hair, which had been plastered to his forehead, was starting to dry now, and it only made you laugh some more thinking about what a pain it’d be to get it out. For him, at least.

“God. Can’t even have a relaxing day on the boat with you two.” Sam jested once you finished up and joined him and Bucky, who had just finished dumping out some water buckets. Bucky had changed his shirt and it looked like they tried wiping their faces, but Sam still had small lines of white down his face. “How ‘bout a couple of drinks? Surely you can’t ruin that too.”

“Ruin?” You gasped in mock offence. “Sammy! I just made the day more…interesting.”

Sam chuckled, ruffling Bucky’s hair, which still had orange streaks in it. “Let’s go get some beers.”

************

You chatted for a bit, mainly you and Sam with you asking how Sarah and the boys were while Bucky with your legs in his lap, just listening to you two and sipping at his bottle. You had his hand in your own lap, wiping it down with a rag due to the paint that got on it.

“You’re lucky this is vibranium, you know.” You commented off handedly. “If it was your other one, it’d definitely get stained.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Bucky shot back with a teasing grin.

“Sammy’s.”

Sam spluttered. “Wh-what?! You started it!” You laughed, shaking your head.

Falling into a comfortable silence with just the water and birds chirping as your soundtrack, you downed the rest of your drink, which Bucky took as finished. “Well,” you moved your legs to let him stand up. He leaned forwards to clink his bottle against Sam’s and you stood up and stretched. “Gotta catch our flight tomorrow. Get a hotel room for the night.” Sam gave you a look to which you rolled your eyes at as Bucky set down his bottle and grabbed his jacket. “Crash, you know?”

“So you’re just gonna set me up like that, huh?”

“Well I don’t wanna make it weird for your family.”

“Just stay here.” You laughed as Sam babbled on about how nice the people were here, grabbing the jacket Bucky handed to you. It was getting a bit chilly from the breeze on the water and the sun going down. Plus, that water was cold.

“But don’t flirt with my sister.”

You cackled at Bucky’s face, that turned serious, his head shaking. “No.”

“‘Cause if you do I’ll have Carlos cut you up and feed you to the fish.”

“Can’t hold back the dog, Wilson. It’s been stuck in a kennel too long.”

Bucky turned to you, grabbing your jaw and squishing your cheeks together. “You know what? You need to shush. You’ve been snippy all day.”

You just smiled as innocently as you could with your lips being held by his metal fingers. “You’re too fun to mess with.”

He pecked your nose. “As long as I’m the only one you’re messing with. I’ll be right back.” He let you go and spun around, maneuvering around the boat in a way only a trained assassin could do.

“Oh my God, please! Please just put me out of my fucking misery! You’re killing me, cher.”

“What?” You gaped at him.

“Don’t act innocent!” Sam huffed, giving you a pointed look. “If I have to watch you two make googly eyes at you one more fucking day with neither of you doing anything about it-”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh come on, Sammy-”

“Don’t ‘come on, Sammy’ me! And don’t come at me with that ‘he doesn’t like me back’ bullshit. If you think for a second that boy wouldn’t follow you to the depths of the fucking ocean, you’re blind as a bat, woman.”

You shrugged, pushing up the sleeves of Bucky’s too big jacket. “It just…hasn’t come up.”

He deadpanned, shaking his head and standing up. “That’s it. I’m done. You two are driving me insane. I’m gonna lock you in a room until you have the conversation that needs to be had the next time either of you does something stupid.”

“Yikes. That’s gonna be quick.” At his look, your smile dropped and you nodded. “Okay, okay. I’ll…I’ll bring it up later.”

“Tomorrow or nothing.”

“Sam-”

Sam tilted his head, brow creasing. “Is it still Steve? Is that what this is still about? Because he’s gone, and he’s been gone and you need to get over it-”

“No. It’s not…” You sighed. “It clicked the other day. When we were hanging out. Steve left and, yeah, I might always love him, but Bucky…God…I love Bucky, Sam.”

The man grinned proudly. “I’m glad to finally hear you admit it. So what’s the problem?”

“It’s still complicated, right? I mean…he’s his best friend and I’ve never dealt with stuff like this before and-”

Sam’s smile dropped and he groaned again. “Imma head out. I can’t take this. Dumbass and dumberass. I swear to God.” You sniggered a bit as he grumbled, walking towards the ramp to climb off the boat, just as Bucky reappeared.

“Hey-”

“Nope! Not right now, Barnes! I can’t handle it! I can’t!”

Bucky gave you a weird look. “What’d you do?”

You chuckled, shaking your head. “Nothing.”

“Well, c’mon, doll. Sarah said she’s gonna make gumbo for us, whatever that is.” He held out his hand as you walked over. 

“You’re such a city boy.” You teased lightly, taking his hand and letting him help you pull you onto the dock. You shoved the sleeves of his jackets up again since they slipped from the first time. “Let’s go get some dinner. I’m starving.”

******************

“We have the couch and a mattress we can pull out, I just have to make Sam get it from the attic-”

“That’s alright. The couch is fine.” Bucky waved dismissively while you nodded in agreement.

Sarah raised an eyebrow at you two. “For both of you?”

You blinked, exchanging a look with Bucky, before shrugging and turning back to her. “Yeah.”

“Don’t fight it, Sarah.” Sam peeked out from the hall. “They’ve got a weird relationship.” You stuck your tongue out at the man while Bucky rolled his eyes, dropping your duffle bag by the couch. “How mature, Y/N.” Sam mimicked your action.

“Uhm…okay. Let me set up the couch for you then.”

Once everything was set up, you and Bucky thanking her for dinner - delicious and you’d never seen Bucky smile so much, the boys having kept him highly entertained throughout the meal - and for letting you crash, Sam and Sarah headed to their rooms, the boys already having been tucked in for the night.

“Are you gonna sleep on the floor?” You asked quietly, sitting down on the couch and doing the things for your night routine you didn’t already do in the bathroom.

“I think I’ll be okay.” He sat besides you. “I’ve been doing fine the past week or so.”

You smiled at him. “That’s good. Alright.” You stood up and stretched. “Let me just make sure everything’s in the bag and ready-”

You yelped when his arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his chest, shifting down to lay against the couch’s arm. “Do it in the morning.” He yawned, looking up at you tiredly. “I wanna go to sleep.”

“Then go to sleep, Buck. I’ll be right back.” He shook his head, his hold tightening as he sunk deeper into the couch.

“No. I fall asleep better with you.”

You rolled your eyes but grinned, settling down with your legs between his, your chin resting on his sternum so you could still look at him. He beamed, but you could see the exhaustion settling in, and he grabbed the blanket Sarah left over the back of the couch and draped it across your back, over both of your legs, before his arms crossed snugly under the covers at the small of your back.

“Dinner was nice tonight. I haven’t had a meal cooked like that in ages.” You hummed.

He nodded in agreement. “I think that’s the first time I’ve sat around a table with a family since the 40′s.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Did you like it?”

“Yeah...kinda makes me wish I had my own.”

“Your own what?”

“Family.”

You bit your lip, shyly avoiding his gaze. “You’re my family, Buck.”

A light kiss was pressed to your forehead, his fingers bringing your gaze back to his. “There’s no one else I’d rather have.” The room lapsed into silence again, the clock ticking on the wall, the low sound of crickets outside.

“You have really pretty eyes.” You mumbled, tilting your head slightly as you studied them. They always held so much emotion in them, especially in contrast to when you first met him as Soldat. They matched the water you fell in, and you wouldn’t mind falling over and over into them.

“Yeah, well, you’re just really pretty inside and out, so I think you’ve got me beat, doll.” He whispered back.

“You know who else is pretty? Sarah.”

He nodded with a hum. “That’s true. But I meant what I said. You’ll always be my doll.”

“So you’re not gonna ask her out?”

He gave you a weird look as you traced his sharp jawline absentmindedly. “Nah, sweetheart. It’s just…some harmless flirting. Except on Sam’s part.”

You gave a soft huff of laughter. “Yeah…he’s gonna strangle you. It is nice to see you like that, though. Flirty. Relaxed. Happy.”

“You make me happy, sweetheart.” He hummed, nosing your temple. “The road trip helped. I’m learning everything from you. Maybe not the flirting, but the carefree part.”

You blinked at him, finger stopping for a moment as you thought. “Oh…”

You felt his fingers dance up your spine, making you shiver slightly. “What I would give to know what’s goin’ on inside that pretty lil’ head’a yours, doll.”

“I just think it’s funny you’re learning how to be carefree from me…when I just started learning how to do it myself.”

“Oh yeah?”

You nodded, your finger continuing its path down his jaw. “I think it started with the goats.”

“The goats?”

You nodded again, resting your cheek on his chest, watching your finger move up from his chin. Once you got to the end of his jaw, you lightly scratched his scruff. “In Wakanda. Our goats.” You weren’t looking at him, so you didn’t see the way he physically melted at your words, his eyes going soft, his lips turning up slightly.

“Our goats, huh?”

But your tired brain wasn’t really processing what he said, instead focusing on the features your finger was now tracing - over his lips, up his nose. “You’re pretty too, Buck. Did you know that? Inside and out.”

He craned his neck to kiss your forehead. “Go to sleep, cuddle bug.”

Nodding, you nuzzled into his chest, finger feeling over the bumps and indents on the dog tags resting near your head. You tried going to sleep, but you kept shifting, your mind not shutting off.

“Hey, sleepyhead, I’m trying to, you know, sleep.”

“Sorry.” You apologized meekly. “I just…I dunno. I can’t.”

“Are you comfortable?” He peeked open and eye to look at you questioningly. You nodded. “Is it too hot? We can take the blanket off. I know I’m a walking furnace-”

You shook your head. “No. I don’t know why. I just can’t sleep.”

He licked his lips thoughtfully, before cradling your head and guiding you back down to his chest. “Lay down, sweetheart. Relax.” He stroked your hair, moving his head down to rub circles in your back muscles, pressing down harder when he felt knots. 

You hummed, your eyes closing. “That feels good.”

“Shshsh. Just go to sleep.” His lips pressed against your head once more, lingering a bit longer than they usually do, as you felt yourself drift off. You cuddled his side, throwing a leg over his waist, before nodding off, only barely hearing his words. “Attagirl. There we are.”

******************

“Doll?” You felt a shift underneath you and groaned, your eyes barely cracking open. “Hey, sleepyhead…it’s okay. I’m just gonna slip out from under ya, alright? Gonna go help Sammy with somethin’.”

You raised an eyebrow, letting him move you against the cushions as he sat up on the edge of the couch. “Sammy?”

“Yeah.” He bent over and kissed your cheek. You stretched out your limbs, about to rub your eyes, when he stopped you, kissing the inside of your wrists. “No. Not you, doll. Go back to sleep.” 

“Bu’...’m gonna help.” You slurred out, looking at him with confused, squinty eyes.

He chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s okay. Rest. You can help when you wake up again. Okay?” You mumbled out an “okay”, bringing the covers up to your chin and snuggling deeper into the cushions. “There ya go, cuddle bug. Good girl.” There was another kiss, one to your temple this time, before you slipped back into unconsciousness.

******************

The next time you woke up was because of a clatter in the kitchen. You yawned and sat up, stretching, eyebrows furrowing when you realized Bucky wasn’t with you. It took you a moment to remember your conversation, which you half thought you dreamt.

“Boys!”

“Sorry!”

You chuckled at the shouts, rubbing your eyes. “I am so sorry!” Sarah apologized, looking over at you from the stove. Trying to make the boys breakfast before school. Do you want anything? Eggs? Cereal? Toast?”

“Uh, cereal’s fine.” You stretched out your back again, before throwing back the covers and standing up, a little shakily.

“You wouldn’t happen to know where Sam went, would you?”

You raised an eyebrow. “Uh, I think him and Bucky went to fix something on the boat. I don’t for sure, though.”

Sarah groaned. “He probably went to fix the stupid water pump which doens’t need fixing. Dumbass.”

You chuckled, padding over into the kitchen. “Yeah. I just work with him. I can’t imagine growing up with him.”

“Trust me; some days you want to throw him in a box and send him out to sea. Bowls are in that cupboard.”

You snickered, moving over to grab a bowl from the cupboard she pointed to. “That’s how I feel with Bucky. Sam is less often, but when those two get together…it’s a full zoo.”

She laughed at that, nodding as she got out the milk and a few boxes of cereal for you to choose from, handing you a spoon. “That I believe.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

You started pouring your cereal, watching in slight amusement as she got the boys ready for school. “Bus is here! Get out the door! Bye! Love you! Make sure you take those extra lunches to-!”

“Yeah, mom! We know! Love you too!”

You gave a slight smirk as she huffed, looking around the kitchen at the pans and dishes left out. “Kids, huh?”

She gave you a smile. “Yeah. They’re a handful, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything. How about you? Any thoughts of kids?”

“Me?” Your eyes widened, nearly choking on your food. “Oh God no. Not right now, at least. I don’t even have a solid house right now. My life’s too off the walls for that.”

“And Bucky?”

You raised an eyebrow as she leaned on the counter. “Bucky? What about Bucky?”

“Does he want kids?”

“Uh…I dunno.” You shrugged, clearing your throat as you remembered your talk last night. “Kinda makes me wish I had my own.” You quickly pushed his words aside. “He hasn’t told me.”

“Wait, wait. You two…aren’t together then?”

You blinked, your eyes widening again. “Together? Me and Bucky? No…why? Did Sam say something?”

Her expression morphed into one of disbelief, crossing her arms. “Sam didn’t say anything. You guys did. Are you seriously expecting me to believe you aren’t together?”

“We’re not! I mean - he was flirting with you yesterday-”

“Right, okay. Honey, that’s flirting. And it’s harmless. The way he follows you like a puppy and you look at him like he hung the stars? That’s feelings. And that’s a lot more impactful than flirting.”

You frowned in contemplation. It was really that obvious? You were really that blind? This whole time? You knew Sam knew - but you just figured that’s because he’s been there since it started. And Sharon knew for the same reason. But Sarah? The woman you just met the day prior and had barely had a conversation with?

“It’s, uh…” You chewed on your cheek, swirling your cereal around. “It’s complicated.”

Sarah didn’t look impressed. “Do you like him?”

“I’m kinda in love with him-”

She shrugged, not letting you finish your bashful statement. “Then I don’t see what’s complicated about it.”

And that was that. She turned to clean up breakfast, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

You thought it was more complicated than that. I mean…you were in love with your best friend. Who left you. With the guy you had feelings for who just so happened to be your best friend/crush’s best friend. And now you were completely in love with your best friend’s best friend, but your best friend still had a piece of your heart.

But…you loved Bucky. And he was here. And Steve was not. And when you put it that way…you guess it wasn’t so complicated after all.

******************

You snickered as you walked up behind Sarah, the woman berating the men for not leaving the water pump along like she asked.

“Hi, Sarah.”

Sam shot Bucky a warning look, who grinned, but you were surprised to see Sarah ignore him, sending you a knowing glance instead, before turning back to Sam. “I told you specifically that the water pump was not the problem, and yet, here you are.”

“Yep, Samuel.”

You chuckled, Bucky shooting you a wink. “Yeah, Samuel.”

Sam narrowed his eyes at you, turning to Sarah. “In our defense, you were supposed to be done long before you woke up.”

You nearly facepalmed at his “defensive” and you were trying so hard to hold back laughing as she told Sam off, sending them away.

“I don’t wanna hear a peep from you.” Sam pointed at you, but that only made your chortles come out, and you didn’t even bother hiding them. “She’s a very mean person.”

“It’s tough love.”

You giggled as they started arguing, slipping an arm around their waists, their arms instinctually coming up to your shoulders.

“Oh my God. A prowess?”

“Yes, Y/N. A prowess.”

“You know, maybe if you someone let me help-”

“Hey, woah! You were tired! I let you sleep! I was being nice!”

“Too late now. I’ll be lucky if Sarah lets me within a hundred feet of it!”

“She got you so good, Sammy!”

“I agree with Buck for once! You’re too snippy right now! And c’mon man! Stop flirting with my sister!”

“It’s my natural charm.”

“Charm? What charm?”

“Ouch, doll! That one hurt!”

****************

“Okay.” You stepped out of the bathroom, walking over to the couch and setting the bag down on it. “I’ve got everything packed. We’ve got a little over an hour until we need to head out which gives you two time to go set something up for Sammy and maybe even a bit or training before we leave.” 

Bucky frowned. “You’re not gonna come out?”

“I will in a bit. I just got a phone call I need to take.”

Sam narrowed his eyes. “Government call?”

You gave a mocking smile. “Can you guess what they want to talk about? It’s okay. I’ll survive. It’s only a phone call, so I can always hang up. Pretend I didn’t have good service. I do it all the time.”

“I’m sure you do.” Sam chuckled. “In that case, I’m gonna go grab some stuff and get the shield.” As he walked out, he made sure to mouth at you behind Bucky’s back ‘conversation’ making you swallow thickly. You were planning on talking to Bucky anyways, and with Sam’s insistence…

“Okay, so, I was thinking when we get back-”

“Can I talk to you?”

Bucky stopped digging through the bag, blinking at you in surprise at your sudden burst. “Uh…well, we already are, so yes.” He chuckled, straightening and crossing his arms.

“I wanna have the conversation.”

He was left stunned, once again, his mouth opening and closing and his weight shifting form one foot to the other. “Like…that conversation? R-right now? Are you sure?”

You winced at her nervousness. “Sorry, sorry. I know it’s kinda…I just…I need to talk about it. Now.”

“Okay, okay. No, that’s fine. Don’t apologize. I just wasn’t expecting it.” Bucky cleared his throat. “That’s all.”

“Okay…” You breathed with a small nod. You opened your mouth, but Bucky shook his head.

“I hafta say this first; I didn’t mean to hurt you by telling you about Steve. I-I dunno what I thought. That it’d give you closure or something. I dunno. But it hurt you and I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention.”

“Buck-”

“I was jealous. And guilty. And mad. And upset. I still am. Kinda. I guess. I dunno.” Bucky shook his head, running his hand through his hair and all you could do was gape at him as he started confessing to you. “Remember when we danced? In Madripoor? Doll…I don’t wanna dance ever again if it’s not with you. I fucking love you, Y/N. And not in the way we’ve said it before. I’m in love with you. I have been for-for a while now. I just - you were Steve’s. Steve loved you and you loved Steve and that was that and I was just the broken childhood best friend. But Steve left and he told me to take care of you and I didn’t know what to do with that, because you still love Steve. I think. I dunno. And I didn’t want to break what we have because you’re all I have left of him. You and that stupid shield. You’re my family. My home. I really meant it when I told you that. And that’s why I couldn’t tell you. Because it means too much for me to break what we have because I fell in love with my best friend’s girl. You know?”

He looked at you with pleading eyes, begging you to understand, but your brain was still trying to process what he was telling you.

“Oh God…” He groaned. “And now I just told you everything and you’re looking at me like that wasn’t what you wanted to hear and now I’m thinking this wasn’t the conversation you were thinking it was going to be-”

You were moving across the room before you could stop yourself, pulling him by the teal Henley you knew was comfortable having worn it to bed before when you visited him in New York, and slanting your lips over his.

His breathing hitched and he froze, and for a hot second you thought you made everything worse, but then he was kissing you back and his hands were on your hips and he was pulling you closer and it felt so fucking good you didn’t want to pull back for air.

“Shut up.” You muttered when you finally did pull back, your forehead against his, your eyes clenched shut. “Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.” You pulled back to look up at him, chests heaving against each other, your eyes prickling. “I’m not good at this. I’m not good at opening up. I only ever was good at it with Steve but Bucky…I’ve been doing it with you. This whole time and I didn’t even realize it until the conversation in the car.”

He reached up to cup your cheeks, wiping away the relieved tears that were falling from the weight you were finally getting off your chest.

“I love you. I’m in love with you. How could I not be? After all that time in Wakanda? I was never Steve’s girl, Bucky. I wanted to be. Dammit, did I wanna be, but I wasn’t. Not really. And he’s gone. But you’re not. And I don’t know why it took me so long to see that. That you’re the one in front of me. You’re the one who held me when I needed it once he left. You’re the one that would listen to my rambles that I’m just realizing was most of our phone calls. You’re not just the broken childhood friend. Don’t ever think that. I don’t pick up the phone at five in the morning after searching for a friend until two for just anyone. Even Steve’s best friend. And I’m such an idiot because I’ve been pushing away my feelings all these years for Steve and then I let them out with you at the wrong time, because I love Steve, Bucky, but I’m not in love with him. Not since I fell in love with you. And I know it doesn’t make sense, but Steve was the first one I cared about and that’s just how I feel and I can try to explain, but-”

His lips crashed onto yours again and you could taste the salty tears that were pouring down your cheeks, but you didn’t care. He was holding you and he was kissing you and it was even more perfect than you thought it’d be.

“You’re adorable when you ramble, but Jesus Christ, shuddup, doll.” He breathed. “Just tell me you love me. Tell me you love me just a fraction of how much I love you.”

You looked up into those ocean eyes, your own shining with earnest affection. “James Buchanan Barnes. I love you.”

“That’s all I need to know.” He murmured against your lips, holding your head against his, still wiping away your tears. It felt like with each one that fell, you felt lighter and lighter. Like they were taking away every fear and anxiety you held within you for the past six months.

“Alright! I was thinking we could just set up in these trees out here - holy shit! Is it done? Did you do it? Did I miss it? Has the conversation been had?”

Bucky chuckled as you giggled. “He has the worst timing.” The last two words were loud enough so Sam could hear, although the man heard the whole sentence. 

“I’m gonna take that as a yes!” Sam cheered. “Halle-fucking-lujah! Finally! I was that close to locking you two in the attic.”

You shook your head at Sam’s personal celebration, drowning the rest of his words out as you looked at Bucky, who swept his thumb over your cheek catching one last tear, before pecking your lips.

“I finally get to kiss where I really want to.” He spoke softly, kissing your lips again. “Are you mine, doll?”

“I thought you said I’d always be your doll.” You answered cheekily. He grinned, kissing you again, pulling you against him by the hips.

“Okay, okay! That’s enough! We get it! You’re in love, finally, but I don’t wanna see it anymore! Now will you come help me with this shit?”

Bucky left one more lingering kiss on your lips, before you pushed him away reluctantly. “I’ll be right out.”

He nodded, moving over to help Sam carry the things he’d gathered.

You watched them put it all up from the window, gnawing on your cheek as you spun your phone in your hands. Coming to a decision, you tossed your phone in the duffle bag and walked out with it just as the boys finished.

“That was a quick phone call.” Sam raised an eyebrow.

You shrugged. “Didn’t call them. If they really need me, they’ll find me.”

Bucky grinned as you set the bag down under a tree, pecking your lips when you got close enough for him to grab by the waist to hold you against him. You rolled your eyes, shoving him playfully away and giggling as Sam let out a groan.

“Alright. Let’s see what you’ve got, Sammy.”

~

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

Bucky knew he needed the tough love talk Sam was giving him. He needed to hear it. Because, deep down, he had known it all along, he just refused to believe it. He tried doing it. Making amends. He knew he wasn’t though. And of course he knew immediately who that one person would be.

“And hey.” Bucky looked at him. “Let me tell you what. Telling my girl all that you told her? That’s a good start. I’m proud of you. Both of you. You’re already happier. I can see it in your eyes.”

Bucky chuckled, shaking his head as he thought of the gorgeous woman he nearly let slip through his fingers. He looked over to the house, where she was inside somewhere getting ready after suddenly deciding she needed to shower before they left. “I was stupid.”

“Yeah you were. You both were. I’m so relieved it’s over.” Sam nudged him. “Treat her right, Buck. She deserves it.”

“I know…I just hope I can.”

Sam shook his head. “Uh-uh. Don’t do that. You were just starting to use that cyborg brain of yours! She chose you. And before you say anything,” Sam cut Bucky off from speaking as he opened his mouth to object. “She chose you before Steve left. It just took her dumbass this long to realize it.”

Bucky nodded, a small smile on his face. “Yeah…okay…” Before he could say anything, the goddess herself stepped out, jogging over, looking absolutely amazing in her jeans and his t-shirt. “Good talk.”

Sam laughed at his quick ending of the conversation as she came up besides them. “Talking about me?” She asked cheekily, eyes shining. Bucky couldn’t help but take her under his arm, pecking her lips. Now that he could, he didn’t think he could stop. He was addicted to say the least.

Throwing Bucky a wink, Sam shrugged. “Just all the things that get on our nerves.”

“Ha ha.” She rolled her eyes. “We better get going.”

Bucky and Sam clapped hands. “You know Karli won’t quit.”

Bucky smiled. “Ah. You call us when you have a lead and we’ll be there.”

Y/N stepped forwards to give Sam a hug. “Anytime, Sammy.”

“Eh. Anytime between noon and midnight.” Bucky corrected. “Or noon and ten. Noon and five…you better just call at noon to be safe.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Sure, sure.”

“Not necessarily as a team.” Bucky continued, grabbing the bag, getting Y/N back in her spot at his side under his arm.

“Nope!”

“We’re not that good.”

“Definitely not.”

“We’re professionals.”

“Definitely.”

“And, uh, we’re partners.”

Sam snapped, pointing at him. “Coworkers.”

“But we’re also a couple of guys with a couple mutual friends.”

“Ones now gone and you’re dating the other.”

“So we’re a couple of guys…with a badass to help out.”

“I can live with that.”

“Perfect.”

“Oh my God.” Y/N let out that laugh Bucky could never get enough of, shaking her head at the two of them. “You forgot dumbasses.”

Sam shook his head. “Nuh-uh. That’s your couple name.”

“Dumbasses?”

“Oh yeah.” The three of them came to a stop, Bucky and his girl - God he loved confirming it now - facing Sam. “Thanks for the help, guys. Meant a lot.”

Bucky patted his shoulder. “Of course.”

Y/N shot him a wink. “Until we meet again, Sammy.”

“Until then, cher.”

Bucky couldn’t stop his grin as she wrapped her arms around his waist, the two of them starting to walk to the main road where she already ordered an Uber. He looked down at her, kissing her lips for the nth time in the past hour.

“I wish I didn’t wait so long,” he told her seriously. “But I’d wait a thousands more centuries if it meant I get to call you mine.”

She giggled, shaking her head. “You’re such a sap! But…” she moved up to kiss him and his heart stuttered. He knew he had a goofy grin on when she pulled back, but he couldn’t help it. Especially when she laughed again. “I have to agree with you on that, Buckaroo.”

[bemylord]

being their girlfriend/dating them

or they're as your boyfriend

character: sukuna, itadori, nanami, satoru, megumi.

warnings: fluff to smut hdc, curse words, kinda rough and soft boys + sukuna.

note: or they're as your boyfriend/dating them

ꜱᴜᴋᴜɴᴀ ʀʏᴏᴍᴇɴ

i don't think he'd call it relationship or love. just the bond that binding you're together. he also doesn't talkative a lot, he prefers to show you his feelings in actions.

as long as itadori is searching fingers, you'll exist in his domain, being the slave and queen in one time. he'd praising and teach you new techniques, but also may use your body as he wants it.

praising to the degradation - generally, nothing new. if you had been bad either you did something on purpose, there will be no mercy for your body and throat - the king knows the way to punish you.

the cute thing is when you are exhausted from the little practice sukuna does in his small domain: breath had been taken away and your body is sweating. all you want is a little break to catch your breath. despite his selfish and demolished nature, he gives you some time in his lap to debilitate your sluggish body. your arms are wrapping around sukuna's neck by accident - it may seem he doesn't give a damn about it, but he pulls you by the waist, put your head on his athletic chest, and have you in arms 'till you'll wake up.

'you are too weak, brat, more energy, put more fury on me, or did you forgotten that i'm the fucking king of this world?' he laughed, knocking off your attacks. he's got a god complex and perfection. 'i'm getting stronger each second, sukuna, don't make yourself as a god'

you are the one he lets talk like that. being tremendously gentle with you is hard for him - he still being rough and could inflict damage, although, after pain, the king will take affection aftercare. but don't think he would murmur some sweat stuff in your ears, just spooning you is enough.

ꜱᴀᴛᴏʀᴜ ɢᴏᴊᴏ

master of the aftercare. sensei of the smooch and teacher of how to cuddle a person. he's good at those things. you never complain of how warm and strong satoru's arms wrapping your waist and his lips are kissing the back of your neck. after rough sex gojo would make an apology with soft kisses all over your figure.

cute fights in the kitchen while cooking. satoru is very needy and sometimes, he could be clingy for your attention, trying to get it whenever he wants to feel your body. even fight doesn't stop him - gojo would fight back and hitting on you.

show everyone that you're taken by him by marks he left on your soft skin last night. satoru would give you an order to dressing a shirt which will show his label on your body - wanna get a punishment? disobey the order; sure, later, you will regret it. however, it will be somewhere in the future, so you do mind disobey him?

whisper on his ear how long you've been craving for his fat dick in your dripping pussy and satoru would stop everything he did later, just to bury his cock deep into you, feeling the outlining of his member in your stomach. it's driving him insane when his fat dick rearranging your insides. no words could describe emotions in his soul when you're scratching his back whilst satoru is doing the pulsative movements inside you. 'does it feel good, kitten, doesn't it? feeling my cock in your little tummy, my god.. put your hand on the lower abs to perceive it' 'satoru~, i-i won't take any longer, give me that~' how could he disobey the order of his little angel?

gojo would degrade you only you've got the bad attitude. at other times - you may hear as he repeats the words 'you're so fucking amazing, kitten' he's hazing at the throbbing feeling in his cock you've been giving him.

ɪᴛᴀᴅᴏʀɪ ʏᴜᴊɪ

he's so much loves to play games and dancing with you when he has the time to do that - you'll play all games he bought for those evenings when both of you are playing fools and being kids. he may act like a kid around you, but trust me, he isn't good while railing you.

there's no door named exit while he's eating your out. yuji will apologize for not being close when you want to cuddle him or smack your lips against his. his apologies are mostly his head between your legs and his fingers in your cunt, stretching your walls, preparing you for the night. he makes sure you're enough dripping for his throbbing cock. it gives me a vibe that he'll overstimulated your little clit only with his tongue.

having you in missionary position, leaving the half-moon on your hips, unquenchably fucking your overdose cunt filled up with your juices. but you know itadori adores when you're squirting on his dick, shuddering while giving the huge release. 'that's right, beautiful, give your daddy all juices you've got' his words make you squirt one more time when he's finishing on your chest. quick series of spanking on your cunt and you're melting definitively by him.

but most of the time, you're both doing silly stuff that bothering megumi a lot. actually, you've got a game 'who's bothered megumi first'. it's fun to watch how he's activating shikigami dogs. you're idiots, although happy idiots.

ɴᴀɴᴀᴍɪ ᴋᴇɴᴛᴏ

daddy issues. daddy vibes and daddy chill. you've got no choice but to obey every order he told you to do. no way to escape and no way not being fucked to him if you did have time to do his tasks. his big and strong hands pulling your hair back, so you arch your back, feeling his breath in your ear. scream as loud as you can, 'till you reach the high note you could - he won't stop it.

sweat aftercare in the shower where nanami is washing your hair for you, also massaging your shoulders and kissing your stomach sort of excuses for being too extremely rough with you. but you knew he won't be soft, the language of his sex life is rough and painful. but the aftercare is worth having bruises the next morning around your neck.

nanami is an obsessive and dominant lover, he would mark you as his baby girl, his property, and the woman he's seeing his future with. even if you've got powerful and strong abilities nanami still doesn't allow you to battle the curse. think whatever you want to - he doesn't like the thought of having your dead body in his arms. he doesn't like the thought his small girl would have injuries from the demon.

nanami will show his love in action rather than words. you've got an unspoken rule to kiss your partner when they're tired of the work or giving a good morning/goodnight kiss. even if you're sleeping, nanami kisses your forehead before going to work. nothing could stop him from the morning kiss. you baked warm goods before he returns from the office or battle tired and having no strength. he fucking loves your baked bun.

after work, you make a warm bath for him, where he can loosen his body, burying his face in your hair. 'sweetie, i love you so much, so-so-so much. with you i can enervate myself and get lost in your smell, wrapping arms around your waist, feeling like it's my private heaven'

ᴍᴇɢᴜᴍɪ ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ

i've got a feeling he'd be an overprotective boyfriend. doesn't leave you alone with itadori for the reason he's a vessel for sukuna - don't treat him weird, he trusts itadori, but not sukuna. doesn't like when you interrupting his battle using your abilities because it's making him think about implications.

doesn't show his affection among other students because doesn't like being called a clingy or needy puppy. nevertheless, pulling you closer by your waist to show everyone to fuck away from you. megumi would not hesitate to kiss you with a tongue in front of the students to show them you're taken and your man is crazy.

megumi is more like a homeboy. every time you're alone or having time to spend together, you'll be stuck in his arms 'till you both need to go back to the sorcerer-life. cuddling and smooching are his life - in the bathroom, while you're cooking, watching tv-shows, he's arms around your body, therefore megumi is telling sweet nothings in your ear.

sex life with megumi? complicated question. would be bad and good simultaneously. i still have a thought he'd tied you up and use a flogger on your booty for spanking and preparing your pussy for his dick - it was passed on by his genes [wtf his father omg]. makes you squirt a couple of times, also makes you beg for his fat cock before pull it inside unexpectedly. using a collar with a chain to arch your back 'till it crunches and you moaned because megumi literally choking you.

only god knows how much megumi has kinks for you. how much energy he has to rail you all night and be able to continue that after the sun is illumining the room. 'you're dirty little slut, the rays of the sun in our room, and you still have the energy to squirt' degrading you during coitus and praising you in his muscular arms after.

//~~//

fuck. i was planning to post kuroo x reader x kenma but i deleted my work [by fucking accident i hate myself] that i had been writing since morning. sooo, I'll post it tomorrow. so sorry for the grammar mistake i was writing it on my phone.

[bottoms-movie]

SAMBUCKY FIC RECS

so a lot of people seemed interested this so here it is! if ya’ll like this, i can make more parts! this is split into three categories: based on tfatws, canon divergence, and au. all fics are on ao3. all of the fics are complete. some fics do include smut, but i included the ratings, so make sure to check for that based on preferences!

also, feel free to send me asks on your thoughts on any fics or if you’re interested in another sambucky fic rec post!

BASED ON TFATWS

Fill the Hole in my Heart | Not Rated | 4,848 words

Bucky dives into the world of online dating. The girls are nice, but there seems to be something missing. When he goes to Louisiana to meet Sam and his family, he realizes what that something was.

Skip, Reverse | Explicit | 7,945 words

Sam stood in the middle of their local Target with a throw pillow in each hand. The one in his left hand was butter-soft and matched the drapes in the living room, but Bucky had walked by five seconds ago and declared the one on the right “absolutely fucking hideous,” and so now Sam kind of wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything.

Sometimes romance is just bickering with your superhero partner/roommate at several different Target locations.

just won’t do right | General | 7,524 words

Sam's eyebrows go up, impressed, and he reaches over to squeeze Torres' shoulder, "This is amazing, kid. Thanks, really."

Bucky sits and watches in utter horror as the pink darkens on Torres' cheeks.

Oh, he realizes. Oh. Fuck.

body language will do the trick | Explicit | 12,598 words

“There’s no way you’re going to win this,” Bucky tells Sam. “I am going to love language the shit out of you.”

Sam gives him a considering look. “You do seem like you’d be really good at that.”

Bucky’s cheeks flush with heat. “Thanks, pal, I—”

Sam smirks, and Bucky’s eyes narrow. He shoves his elbow into Sam’s side and stalks off, leaving Sam cackling behind him.

“Your ass looks great today!” Sam yells.

Bucky reaches up to flip Sam the bird, and he definitely does not feel grateful that he wore his good jeans today. Bucky’s ass looks great every day.

checklist | General | 4,716 words

Bucky Barnes keeps a mental checklist of things he knows to be true at any given moment. Sometimes the checklist changes, because he's learned something else about himself. It changes, for example, when he starts realizing that maybe he would like to kiss Sam Wilson. Maybe.

best laid plans | 3 parts | 26,808 words

part 1: baby you’re the wave and I’m ready for the crash | Explicit | 6,616 words

Nah, my plan’s better,” Sam declares, before clapping Bucky on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, what plan? Was that a plan? It didn’t sound like a plan to me, it sounded like a vague intention,” says Bucky, still scowling, and Sam grins.

“We’re winging it, the plan is a work in progress! Now c’mon, we gotta make some wardrobe adjustments if we’re gonna get into that club.”

Sam and Bucky have some unorthodox methods of going undercover in a club.

He Doesn’t Deserve You! | Teen | 5,154 words

Sam and Bucky have an argument that results in Bucky being left at the bar. A group of drunk strangers assumes Bucky just got dumped and quickly adopt him for the night to make him feel better.

Reconstitution | Not Rated | 10,228 words

“I didn’t back Steve on the Sokovia Accords,” Sam says unprompted one day. They’re so close to apprehending the Flagsmashers and wrapping up this ridiculous saga.

“I don’t follow,” Bucky says.

“I was the one who refused to sign it first. Not Steve.”

Sam says it so softly that Bucky has to strain to hear him. Sam is loud and chatty and half the time he keeps up a constant stream of chatter just to get on Bucky’s nerves, but Bucky’s coming to realize that when he really wants to make himself heard, he’s soft spoken and mild. Bucky doesn’t entirely follow his train of thought, though.

Or: a breaking down, remaking, and coming back stronger than ever before

Stuck On You (You Suez, You Luez) | Explicit | 10,136 words

Sam and Bucky’s mission was simple: stowaway on a ship suspected of weapons-smuggling in the Suez, gather enough intel to report back, and hop off again in Port Said. Something gets in the way, and a day-long recon session turns into a week of chess, bickering, semi-successful movie references, and trying not to go slowly insane.

His Touch | Mature | 1,006 words

When Baron Zemo touched Bucky’s face, Sam Wilson saw red.

Bucky just wants Sam to comfort him.

rusted | Teen | 2,358 words

Bucky doesn’t grace him with a sound of acknowledgement. He’s been quiet, ever since that night with Zemo. Well. Quieter. It’s almost like. Every time he opens his mouth, he’s half-expecting the Winter Soldier to come out.

He hasn’t, yet. Won’t, ever again. Not unbidden. Sam’s sure of that. Bucky, not so much.

‘You busy?’

‘’m scouring the—’

‘Good,’ Sam cuts the idiot off, ‘I need you to help me shave.’

advanced therapy methods for large adult men | 2 parts | 11,717 words

part 1: The Gottman Method for Dealing with Conflict | Mature | 4,187 words

Bucky and Dr. Raynor have a follow-up session and two entirely different conversations about his relationship status.

Or: Let's do more couples therapy, James.

it’s always Bucky’s Fault | 3 parts | 20,089 words

part 1: Did you see it? | Explicit | 3,905 words

In which there's supposedly a viral video of the Winter Soldier on his knees sucking off Captain America.

Everything is, like always, completely Bucky's fault.

CANON DIVERGENCE

Even in the Present (I Am Living in the Past) | Teen | 16,977 words

Sometimes Sam still questions everything about his ability to shoulder the 80-year legacy he now bears. His history, and the history of his loss, sticks with him and even in healing he doubts whether or not he is able to fulfil his purpose, and whether he may find lasting peace and happiness.

Told in fluid-fragments, the story moves between his therapy sessions after his return from active duty and the post-Endgame present.

You never forget your first | Teen | 3,650 words

The story of Bucky and Sam getting together in a series of firsts.

leftovers | Mature | 19,249 words

With the New Avengers up and running, Sam finally has time to start dating again. Unfortunately, it's not going as well as he'd hoped.

Partners | Explicit | 7,235 words

Sam's not sure if he can be Captain America. He's not a supersoldier. He can't throw the shield. He's just a dude.

And Bucky Barnes is just a nuisance, albeit a pretty good-looking one.

I’ll explain everything to the geese | Explicit | 50,949 words

Bucky is so competent that it hurts my feelings is not a rational complaint to have about a person, and yet, after a year of being Captain America and partnering up with Bucky for the new and improved, post-Blip Avengers, that’s kinda how Sam’s feeling.

It’s not great. It maybe leads to Sam making some rash, ill-advised decisions like claiming he has a previously undisclosed superpower, and then getting caught in a web of lies when he ends up actually developing that surprisingly inconvenient superpower. Talking to birds had seemed like a harmless superpower, but it turns out that birds have a lot of opinions, and they don’t hesitate to tell Sam about them, especially when it comes to his supposedly subpar courting skills. Which is ridiculous, because Sam isn’t courting Bucky. Right?

Night Swimming | Teen | 2,056 words

“Come on. The princess has a new arm for you and I gotta see if there’s a barber around here willing to tackle your…” Sam waved a hand at Bucky’s face.

“I don’t want a new arm,” Bucky immediately bit out.

And then -

“I can cut my own damn hair.”

Sam just raised both eyebrows. Crossed his arms over his chest again.

Dared Bucky to prove him wrong.

AU

Cpvert Coffee & Flirtation Specialist | General | 5,542 words

The reporter says "—for Captain America to—"

And Bucky rolls his eyes. "Oh, here we go."

Sam looks at him then tips his head sideways, got a weird grin on his face. "Not a fan?"

"Not that. Just… the guy seems too good to be true, right? Wings and a shield?? Come on."

"Uh, is that why your eyes are like glued to the screen whenever he's on?" Kate says. "Is that why you call him Captain Tight Ass?"

"He's a goddamn show-off, and you know it. Tight ass or not."

Just then Sam snorts, real loud, grabs his coffee and suffers a horribly controlled laugh on his way out the door.

Stolen Moments | Teen | 98,767 words

“No,” Sam said, chuckling. “I don’t cheat,” he swept his gaze up and down James’ body, “even with guys who look like you. But, I’m bored and a little pissed, so if you wanna sit here and shoot the shit ‘til my man shows back up, I’m game.”

Never one to back to back down from a challenge - especially a challenge who looked like Sam Wilson - Bucky took another swig from his bottle and replied, “Sure, doll. I’ve got nothing but time.”

Steve has Sam. Bucky wants Sam. Sam wasn’t expecting any of this.

Such a Whirlwind Since I Saw You | Teen | 10,871 words

The Men of Letters turned Bucky Barnes into a weapon. Hunters Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanov are determined to save him, but they're going to need Sam Wilson's help.

“So you want me to ditch work, drive across America with you until you find your friend, who you thought was dead - all while avoiding some high-tech hunters who are out for blood?” Sam is asking.

Steve shrugs a shoulder, looking a little sheepish. Natasha almost laughs at the dry tone of Sam’s voice, but he's not wrong.

You Got What I Need? | Explicit | 37,588 words

Sam and Bucky are both in a bind, professionally. Nat points out a solution that neither men like. To save their careers they play along or rather, stop playing all together.

[mothra-mcyt]

☾ MCYT's reaction to you asking them to protect your drink at a party ☽

!Warning meantions of drugs, alcohol and cursing!

》 George 《

I feel like he‘s a lightweight so either he‘s not drinking any alcohol at a party or he gets drunk as fuck

If he‘s really drunk you shouldn‘t trust him with your drink I’m gonna be honest that man won’t be able to concentrate on your drink fro more than 5 seconds

If he‘s sober tho you surely can trust him with your drink

That man has no bad intentions

But if someone is really scary and buff trying to drug your drink he‘s probably not gonna fight them because that man has noodle arms

》 Sapnap 《

He might make some jokes but he definitely wouldn‘t do anything to your drink because this man drinks his respect women juice

I would trust this man with my life he would definitely beat up anyone who wants to fuck with your drink and he would not hold back

This man may look very chill and laid back but if you try to fuck with his friends oh lord

He may be a little bit high tho if there‘s any drugs involved in the party but that won‘t hold him back much

That man will probably look over you and your drink subtly the entire rest of the party just to make sure you‘re really okay

》 Badboyhalo 《

That man is probably the most sober person at a party and the nicest person

Probably as soon as you tell him that you have to leave your drink alone for a few minutes he'll ask if he can watch out that it's safe

I don't know about you but i think that guy can be scary as fuck he knows how to throw knifes i would trust that man with my life even if he doesn't look very scary

When you come back he's gonna tell you that he's happy that you trust him so much to leave your drink with him

》 Awesamdude 《

Another person that's really nice and protective over the people he loves so he's a person you can trust with your drink

He's also tall so he'll probably just intimidate anyone that comes near him when he's holding your drink

He'll also not be annoyed at all when you ask him and react really nicely

"Wha- Oh yeah sure!"

Looks very serious while he's protecting your drink because that man takes his job seriously (cough prison cough) and doesn't want anything happening to you

》 Tommyinnit 《 (platonic)

I have mixed thoughts about him honestly on the one hand he loves women but he's also Tommy

But he wouldn't do anything to your drink for sure

And if you ask him nicely and are friends with him he'll protect your drink for sure and i don't think anyone really would want to come near him

So overall you would be safe with giving him your drink

When you come back he's maybe going to complain that you took too long but he doesn't mean it

》 Tubbo 《 (platonic)

The thing is he definitely wouldn't do anything to your drink we know that like you can trust him

And he's smart so he would notice if someone would want to do something to your drink

But he couldn't hold himself in a fight and we all know that

He'll also be very happy that you trust him with your drink and will do his best to make sure that nothing happens to it

》 Fundy 《

honestly who managed to convince him to go to a party and how did they do it

He's probably keeping to himself so when you asked him he's kinda surprised and confused at first

"What do you mean? You want me to protect your drink? Sure I guess just don't take too long."

While you're away his brain slowly starts to process what you mean and realises why

And that's where he gets protective and makes sure that nothing is going to happen to your drink

》 Wilbur 《

If he's not the one driving he's definitely going to get really drunk but he can still control himself so you're safe with giving him your drink

"Oh you want me to watch over your drink? Sure!"

We know from certain pictures of him that he can look very intimidating and he's 6'5'' (195 cm) tall so no one would be brave enough to go near your drink

Probably while he's watching over your drink he'll tell a person off his hate of anteaters

Imma be honest he was probably making sure that nothing is happening to you the whole time you were at the party

》 Schlatt 《

When you asked him he was pretty confused at first so you had to explain why you need someone to protect your drink to him

You have to do a little bit of convincing him because that man hates responsibility

"Why me?"

But he's not a complete arsehole so he'll probably give in and watch over it for you

And once he watches over it he'll make sure that nothing is going to happen to it

Also seems like the type of guy who would fight someone if they hurt his friends

Overall you can trust him with your drink

》 Technoblade 《

How did this antisocial streamer who never leaves his house end up at a party (probably got forced by sleepy bois jk)

He's probably leaning against a wall or went into some room alone he found and is playing games on his phone so it'll take you some time to find him amongst the people

"Y-You want me to watch over your drink? I mean sure i guess."

Even if he hates human interaction he would probably roast everyone who wants to do something to your drink

"Here your drink. If someone is being a dick tell me and i'll tale care of it."

》 Philza 《

He's the most responsible out of the group so he's a good choice if you need someone to watch over your drink

"Want me to watch over your drink? For sure mate."

That man is taking his job seriously and he'll make sure that nothing happens to your drink

If anyone is making you uncomfortable at the party you can tell him and he'll craft a belt and give the person what they deserve

(Fun fact Phil said on stream that when the normal clubs close he goes to gay bars so maybe you guys will just end up at a gay bar lmao)

》 Ranboo 《 (platonic)

I feel like he's the responsible friend that is also sacred that anyone he doesn't know will talk to him at the party

"Protect your wha- OH yeah sure :)"

All his concentration is now on making sure that nothing is going to happen to your drink

'Watching over someone's drink. I can do this. Please no one talk to me or else i will die from awkwardness. Nothing will happen to this drink and i will make sure of it.'

Honestly no one has the courage to go near him because he's 6'6'' (198 cm)

"Here your drink i made sure nothing happens to it :)"

Honestly he's just happy that you trust him and that he can do something for you

Masterlist

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Rectify: Part 1

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

As requested by anonymous: It would be awesome if you could make a tfatws Bucky fic or series where the reader is on the list for his making amends because the winter soldier did something to her or someone she loves, and once he gets close to her in some way he ends up falling for her and it’s really angsty but a happy ending !!

A/N: FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER SPOILERS AHEAD!!! also, this will be a mini series that I will HOPEFULLY be able to finish.

The list. Bucky's therapist made him make a list of amends to help him cope and process the horrors of his past. He was slowly making his way through the list.

With the case of Yori, Bucky has been a coward. He's been working his way to befriending the old man, trying to form some sort of relationship with him to eventually break the news that he's the reason why Yori no longer has a son. But he just can't seem to do it. So Yori's name remains uncrossed and he continues on with his list. The person under Yori is you: Y/N L/N.

You were ten years old when you were coming back from a sleepover to find your parents dead in your home. The police told you that you it was a robbery gone wrong and you were lucky you weren't home. But still, that left you without any parents, instead growing up with your aunt and uncle. You always felt like something was wrong pertaining to your parents' death, but you didn't know what. So you went through life just feeling without closure.

You visited your parents as much as you could. Your career in child counseling provided that you were very busy. However, the weekends were the time of seeing them and reminiscing.

That's how Bucky found you.

Around 3pm every Saturday and 12pm Sunday, you would visit your parents' graves. The time you spent there varied, but, on average, you'd stay for about an hour and a half. This was just from what Bucky gathered from watching you for a month.

It was how he found the courage to come up to you and speak with you.

He slowly approaches you, hears your music playing softly from your phone grow louder as he draws near.

Hearing the crunching of the grass, you look up to see him staring down at you, "Um...hi?"

"I'm sorry for your loss," he gestures to your parents' graves.

You give him a polite smile, "Thanks. It's been years since I lost them."

"Doesn't mean their absence still doesn't hurt," he interjects.

You nod in understanding and ask, "Did you lose someone?"

"My parents as well." he stands there for a few seconds in silence then speaks up again, "I'm James," he holds out a gloved hand and you shake it, "Y/N."

After pulling his hand back and shoving it into his pocket, an awkward silence washes over the two of you, to which to break, "So...James, do you...come here often?" then you burst into a chuckle, "I'm sorry. That sounds like a wildly inappropriate pick up line."

Bucky smiles and shakes his head, "No, no. It's fine. But to answer your question, I've, uh, recently started coming here."

"Are you parents buried here?"

"No, no. Um, I....I like to take walks in cemeteries." What the fuck, Bucky??? "I mean, 'cause, you know, it's quiet and peaceful. Barely any people here to really bother you. Just...I can clear my head." Yeah. That works. That should make sense, right?

"Oh. I suppose that's a good point. I come here pretty much every weekend just to visit my parents and I rarely see anyone. So I suppose this is a good place for you to clear your mind and enjoy the silence without the hustle and bustle."

"Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, what do you do when you come here? Just sit in silence?"

You shrug, "Depends how I'm feeling. I'll tell them about my week, anything interesting that's going on. Sometimes I'll have a little picnic, read, journal, listen to some music."

"That sounds....really nice."

You softly smile up at him, "It is. You should try it some time."

Suddenly, your alarm started going off on your phone. You quickly picked up your device, swiping off the alarm and looked back up to Bucky, "Sorry. I have to go." you stood up, collecting your things, "It was nice to meet you, James. I'll see you around!"

You shake his hand again and head to your car. Bucky watches as you drive away and he sighs. He turns to your parents' grave and whispers, "I'm sorry."

____________

The next week, Bucky sat under a tree close to your parent's grave plot so that he could see you clearly and you him.

Right on time, you drove up, hopping out of your car with a picnic basket in hand and some other items.

Bucky sat looking down at the book in his lap, but glancing your way every so often, waiting until-

"Hey," you give a light kick to his boot and he looks up, shooting you a small grin, "Oh hi. Nice to see you again."

"Do you wanna join me?"

Bucky shakes his head, "No, it's fine. I don't want to interrupt your time-"

"It's okay, James. I don't mind. It'd be nice to have some living company for a change," you give a little giggle and he sighs.

"Well if you insist," he snaps his book shut and gets to his feet, following you to your parents' plot. You already have the picnic set up and you sit down, a look of hesitation on your face.

"Um, I kinda packed some extra food, just in case I ran into you today."

Bucky's brows shoot up in surprise, "Wow. Um, thank you. That's-That's really nice."

You hold out a tupperware of pasta salad and hand him a bottle of water. You play music on your phone while you two eat and make idle chatter.

You tell Bucky of your childhood, how your parents were abruptly taken from you, and how you grew up with your aunt and uncle. It provided some relief to him that your growing up parentless wasn't completely bad, that your aunt and uncle provided a sufficient amount of love and care to you on top of their own children.

Bucky was amazed that despite being orphaned at a young age, you were still filled with so much love, heart, and light, and that you wanted to provide as much care and compassion to troubled children. It was admirable.

A few hours past and both you and Bucky didn't realize how much the day has gone.

"Wow, I don't think I've spent this much time here in a day."

"Sorry," Bucky murmurs with a wince as he helps you to your feet.

You shook your head, "Don't be. Today was fun, James."

"Bucky."

"Hm?"

"Call me Bucky. It's a nickname."

"Bucky," you tested the name on your tongue, "It's cute."

For some reason, Bucky felt himself blushing at the compliment. So he looks down, afraid you might see his blushing cheeks and replies, "Thanks."

"Do you wanna have lunch sometime, Bucky?"

His head shoots back up and you look at him surprised, "Huh?"

You shrug, "I don't know. There's just something about you. I want to get to know you more. If that's okay."

"Um," he nervously runs his gloved hands down the side of his jeans, "Yeah. Sure."

"Great!" you take out your phone and hand it to him, "Put your number in." After he does so, you take back your phone, "So I'll call you and we can hash out the details?"

"I'll be waiting," he responds with a chuckle and a smile. He escorts you back to your car and waves as you drive away. Once you're gone, his smile drops and he murmurs, "Shit. I think I like her."