#also because most of my focus is taken by fics which are Sans-related

[aka-indulgence]

I know this blog is mostly Sans centered but like, have you ever heard of Francis Mosses (The Milkman) from That's Not My Neighbor?

What do you think of him? :3

Oooooh, never heard of him or the game! I can’t find much info on him online though :/ I see art of him though, he has that dead-inside look in his eyes that is Somehow attractive… but I got no idea what his deal is.

I’m interested though, if you’ve got some info on him, like… what does he do, why is he special in game? and whats his Vibes

He has “secret murderer with a soft side” vibes based off that one image of him with blood stains (which I assume based off the game’s premise isn’t the actual guy? but yknow,)

[falsegoodnight]

this is part two of my december fic rec! this list encompasses the fics i’ve read from the 18th to the 28th!! it’s also my birthday today which makes it even more special! i can think of no better way to spend today than spreading positivity! :)

you can find part one of this month here

✰ there’s happiness because of you by @hadestyles | NR | 1k - (so soft, tender, and beautiful!! rori’s writing amazes me always! and this was written for my birthday because they’re an angel <3)

Thursday mornings have always been their favourite.

✰ and it gets colder and colder by @hadestyles | E | 2K - (another rori fic!! once again, beautiful prose! made me feel emotional!)

Harry wants to take care of Louis. Things take a turn.

✰ make my wish come true by @soldouthaz | M | 3k - (drabble from this series) (so cute, lovely, soft, amazing!!! made my heart so happy! this is also dedicated to me which :’) sarah angel chant)

The taste of Christmas cookies fresh out of the oven and peppermint hot chocolate is still heavy on his tongue. Harry’s sweater provides some warmth and it still smells of him from before he left for his internship two weeks ago, but it’s nowhere near the feeling of his arms wrapped around him. Louis shivers despite the blankets.

✰ spirit meets the bones by @hadestyles​ | E | 3k - (i had to edit to add this because rori wrote another beautiful little fic for me :’) beautiful prose, beautiful emotions, so so so beautiful, gosh. pure poetry!)

The action shouldn’t fill his eyes with tears but it does. These small gestures mean the world to him. A steady reminder that Harry does notice all the tiny, seemingly insignificant details that make Louis him.

✰ 29 Blows by @quelquesetoiles | E | 4k - (super hot but also so cute!! love the concept of the birthday tradition in this one!!!)

For over a decade now, Harry has had his little tradition. It wouldn't be a Louis Tomlinson birthday without his best friend finding new, ingenious ways to make his life more difficult.

It's cute, it's funny, it's theirs, until Harry takes it a step too far on Louis' 29th birthday.

✰ calm me down (before i sleep) by @erodiansunflower | E | 7k - (a pwp and super hot, but also super cute??)

Prompt 24: Harry is a sex shop owner that has a crush on Louis, the shy customer who flirts with him while buying cute buttplugs, lace panties, and collars. One day, Louis asked Harry to help him put on a corset (they end up fucking in the dressing room). Things escalate quickly from there, so they start seeing each other seriously while trying other sex stuff.

✰ You’re Never Alone With a Moon This Bright by @helloamhere | T | 8k - (part one of this series) (WOW this was incredible and i am ENTRANCED! this author is an all-time favorite and idk why it took me so long to get to this series but i’m here now!! and loving it!!)

Louis was a monster. But sometimes, even monsters get a Christmas.

✰ Be a Good Girl For Me by @sincetheywere16and18 | E | 9k - (really hot and cute!!!)

Based on this prompt: “AU where Harry is Louis’ older brother’s best friend. He catches Louis dancing around his room in panties and blackmails him, saying that louis has to do anything he says or else he’ll tell Louis’ family that he wears girly underwear. Secretly soft for him, Harry gives him easy tasks and uses the whole thing to spend more time with Louis. Eventually, the orders begin to escalate and Harry teases Lou about his secret, making Louis shy and embarrassed. Louis loves the attention though, and forms a crush on his brother’s best friend. Lots of feminization, secret relationship, and enemies to lovers. Thank you!”

✰ it’s hard to fight naked by @loustarlight | E | 11k - (LOVED this so much!!! a big fan of enemies/flatmates to lovers especially when there’s a walk-in involved!!)

Louis leaves dirty socks on the couch, Zayn does assignments while he's high, and Harry is hopelessly crushing on his roommate.

✰ Sweet Scary Creatures by @specklelouis | M | 13k - (jurassic park au!! so cute and fun!!! loved louis’ character growth in this in particular!)

They stare into each other's eyes for a while until Louis remembers this is too intimate and looks at Harry’s hands on his thigh. It spans a big portion of his thigh and Louis has always been insecure about how thick he is, so he loves that Harry has huge, dustbin hands that hold him and makes him feel smaller, safer.

✰ hereafter (ad infinitum) by @larryent | M | 13k - (this was absolutely beautiful!! the writing was incredible, the contrast between the old timeline and new one impeccable, and the letters!!! love them!! and vampire harry is always a win!)

"A legacy is every life you’ve touched. And you’ve touched mine twice."

On the coast of San Francisco in 2024 is when Harry falls in love all over again.

✰ Believe Me When I Say You Have It All by @helloamhere | T | 20k - (part two of this series) (loved this even more than it’s predecessor. not to be dramatic, but i’d die for the louis and harry in this series. this whole world has my heart)

Harry had never faced anything in this forest that had actually succeeded in scaring him. Louis was no exception.

✰ Yours to Lose by @loulicate-recs | M | 26k - (so cute and soft and sweet!!! louis and harry were both angels and IAN <3 little cutie!!! so proud of you hanis!)

Louis always gets distracted with his mummy duty and he eventually catches Harry's attention.

✰ But It’s Useless by @thinlinez | E | 26k - (this put such a big smile on my face!! so cute and lovely!! louis was a relatable and adorable menace and harry was a smitten idiot but they both got there in the end!!)

Omega Louis would never guess that he would be trying to hack into Alpha Harry's Wifi. That is until everything changes when he tries to get to know his enemy.

✰ Stuck On You by Writewhatiwant | E | 34k - (so so sweet! loved the aspect of stickers in this fic and how louis found joy in them!! really loved how both louis and harry (especially harry) grew throughout this story and how they found peace at the end!)

Louis’ life revolves around his stickers. Harry’s life revolves around his job. The universe has decided their worlds should revolve around each other.

✰ smoke between your teeth by @soldouthaz | E | 37k - (i think everyone knows how much i adore sarah and her fics but this one just might be a new favorite! loved all the psych stuff, the pining, the rom-com worthy confession <3 brilliant!)

Louis tries to stop his addiction to cigarettes and discovers he's been addicted to Harry for much, much longer.

✰ Your Life Worth Walking on a Bright Morning by @helloamhere | T | 38k - (part three of this series) (it just keeps getting better and better <3 so comforting and consistent and beautiful!)

For all its complexity, Louis sometimes reminded himself, life could always be simplified into a series of forks in the road. Even overwhelmingly big things were survivable when you broke them down to their choice. One path or the other, left or right.

✰ On The Edge by @zanniscaramouche | E | 47k - (so crazy good!! zanni is always amazing me!! loved the ice skating, the hockey, the misunderstandings, the multi-faced and beautiful characters and relationships - all so perfect!)

Figure skating is as vital to Louis’ identity as his DNA, so when his skates go missing right before the last Olympics of his career there may be a meltdown only vanilla bath salts can fix. Well, that and the stupidly charming hockey player he met on the plane.

Harry’s too old to be the wonder kid and too young to be taken seriously in the NHL. As an alternate thrown in at the last second, he fights to prove himself on the national team at the largest sporting event known to man. Or he will, once he gets off this flight and can focus on something other than the fussy figure skater and his stunningly blue eyes.

A baggage mix-up skews both of their perfectly laid plans for gold, forcing the two to work together as the clock clicks towards the minute they’re expected to shine on centre ice.

✰ made for lovin’ you by @cuddlerlouis | E | 53k - (loved this so much!! touch depri/accidental bonds are my favorite and this was no exception!!! the characterizations, the tension, the misunderstandings, the tenderness, the fluff!!! so good!)

A quick, horny decision ruins Louis’ summer plans, but may also lead to unexpected discoveries. Featuring the road trip of dreams, misunderstandings, and a bit of fate.

✰ social cues by @outropeace | E | 56k - (so fucking good!! the slow burn in this was impeccable!!! pair it with friends with benefits, mutual pining, angst, misunderstandings... amazing <3)

To Harry, Louis was becoming as tangible and essential as music in his life. He still was a mystery but at the same time, he was one of the most real things Harry had. He just hoped he could live up to the image Louis probably had in his mind of him.

He could play the part, after all, what was published of him wasn’t as detached from reality. He didn’t think of himself as a rockstar cliche, although he couldn't deny he did sleep around, partied a lot, and did some drugs. But then again, wasn’t that what the majority of his friends back in his hometown were doing at college?

Harry wanted to impress Louis, he didn’t want to disappoint or leave his expectations unfulfilled, so he’d give him the full rockstar experience.

It was a very simple plan, what could possibly go wrong?

✰ dripping like spider milk by @raspberryoatss | E | 64k - (pip amazing me with her talent? a common occurrence. this was so wonderfully written and so well done!! loved the characterizations, the dynamic, the angst, the miscommunication, the pining, the HUMOR!!! it was all so amazing!!)

When he sees the alpha, his brown hair curling around the top of his neck and his broad back that’s filled out over the past couple of years, Louis freezes for a moment. The alpha turns around, Louis’ surprised expression mirrored on his own for a fraction of a second before he schools it into a big, yet shy grin and a wave of his huge hand. With his nostrils flared, Louis knows that he can smell him, too.

They never hired alphas, except for—

“Harry.”

✰ a taste of freedom and sweetened passion by @tomlinvelvetfics | M | 74k - (okay technically haven’t finished reading this one yet but i want to get this up early and i already know this is amazing because it’s LATE and she’s incredible!!! and, i mean, anne of green gables?? abo?? best birthday gift ever!! will be spending the day reading this in bliss <3)

“Are you mad?” he explodes, throwing his hands up, groaning. “I was so, so close to reaching my goal, and your stupid, stalking ass had to creep up on me, hm?”

Harry is trying to keep his laughter in, walking closer to him, eyes soft. He doesn’t like the way those eyes make him feel, an odd, dangerous mix of nervous and flustered, so he bends down to pick up the books, raising an eyebrow when Harry growls in protest.

“I wanted to pick them up for you,” the alpha pouts, and Louis glares at him, getting into position and lowering the pile of yellowed pages over the top of his head.

“I’m a functional human being, thank you very much,” he grits out as he begins to walk and mentally count the amount of steps he takes. One, two, three, for heaven’s sake Harry fuck off!, four, five. He doesn’t let himself be distracted as the alpha walks along with him despite the slow pace, green eyes focused on him in a way that would, in any other cases, compelled him to throw a book in the alpha’s face.

He doesn’t know why he doesn’t do it and certainly doesn’t want to think about the reason, whatever it might be.

If you read any of these lovely fics, remember to leave kudos and comment to show your appreciation!

*if i made any errors, please let me know :)

enjoy!

[nanamicide]

Red Butterflies - chapter 3

Here is the update, even if I still don’t think anyone is reading this fic here.

Read on AO3 

Juzo Sakakura was sitting on a chair, watching his friend pacing around the room. This was quite an usual occurrence, but this time, Kyosuke seemed more nervous than he usually was. He kept staring at him for a few more minutes, until the white-haired man returned his glance. Then, Juzo lowered his gaze and stared at his hands. Dammit, he thought, he knows exactly how I feel about him but I’m still acting as if I were supposed to hide it – as if he hadn’t told me that it was okay and he did return my feelings, but that I just had to be patient. On top of that, I’m just sitting here, in silence, when I know damn well that something is bothering him. It’s both because of and thanks to me that he’s in this position, but I’m still useless. I really don’t deserve to be his right-hand man, especially not when I’m acting like a silly school boy with a crush on the popular guy. I need to snap out of it.

He did eventually snap out of it, but as always, it was a second too late. Gekkogahara-san, their former classmate, had already made her way into the office. Kyosuke gestured for her to come closer, having her sit across from him, and right next to Juzo. As every morning, it was also Kyosuke who started the conversation going, while Juzo just sat there silently, cursing himself for not being more assertive in his presence and when he needed him:

“How was Kamukura-kun this morning?”

The question remained up in the air for a few more seconds than usual, as if Gekkogahara-san was thinking about what to say. Juzo was once again about to speak when she began typing. The voice of the avatar she used to communicate soon filled the room:

“I think we’ve finally begun to make progress. Kamukura-kun had a very light dream last night, but he didn’t want me to tell you about it. From what I understand, it’s related to video games. He said he saw a pixelated spaceship. There’s only one problem though, he said he doesn’t want to play video games again today. You know, the usual complaint about how boring it all is. Except he’s never made such a request about anything else you’ve had him do over the past year, so there has to be something going on.”

“Thank you, Gekkogahara-san. Was there anything else?”

“Well, I have a request, you know, as your former classmate.” Juzo noticed that she made her avatar, Usami, wink at Kyosuke. Even though she was constantly hiding behind that pink rabbit, he almost envied the confidence she’d gained through it.

“What would that be?”

“Don’t ask Kamukura-kun to play video games—”

“But you said they’re the reason for the recent progress.”

“If you force it on him, you’ll ruin that progress,” Usami’s high-pitched but soft voice explained. “I am as excited as you to see that Kamukura-kun may be secretly experiencing something other than boredom, but I don’t want to rush it. We don’t know what any of it means yet. It could be dangerous.”

Juzo threw a quick glance at Kyosuke, who seemed slightly annoyed with what he’d just heard. Despite that, the white-haired man complied, and told Gekkogahara-san that he would see her tomorrow morning at the usual time. And just like that, their former classmate was gone. It was just the two of them again. Juzo stared at one of the immaculately white walls of the office until he finally decided to speak:

“Are you going to listen to her?”

“She knows better, doesn’t she?”

“But you said that when the Kamukura ordeal would be taken care of we could finally—”

“Enough, Juzo,” Kyosuke snapped. “While it’s true that intend to step down from the position of chairman and to give it back to Kirigiri-san so that I can focus on my….” He paused, swallowing loudly, as if what he were about to say was wrong. “Personal matters, it doesn’t mean that I want to rush any of this. It would be bad if I handed this back to Kirigiri-san without making sure everything has been thoroughly dealt with. Kamukura-kun may not be a threat now, but that doesn’t mean he won’t become one in the future. You know how Kirigiri-san is. He lacks the strength of a true leader. I care too much about this academy to leave it before fully fixing it.”

Juzo’s heart sank as he heard his words. He felt like screaming at him, only to ask him if cared about anything other than that damn academy, and if he even cared about him. He wanted to tell him that they should forget about this academy, but he did none of it. Instead, he just nodded and went back to staring at the wall. He was tired of constantly having to put on this tough guy act, as if nothing affected him, but he had to. He was the Former Ultimate Boxer; the epitome of manliness. He couldn’t afford to let his feelings get the best of him. It had saved them against Enoshima, but it wouldn’t save them again. The only problem was that ever since he had confessed to Kyosuke, it had become harder for him to repress it.

“Very well, what can I do to help?”

Kyosuke slowly paced towards one of the shelves, pulling a file from it. It was labelled ‘Class 77’ and contained the profiles of all the students from that class, as well as Yukizome Chisa’s, their homeroom teacher. He placed the file on the desk and started flipping through it, and stopped on one page.

“This is Nanami Chiaki,” he spoke. “She’s the Ultimate Gamer. From what I have gathered from Matsuda’s notes on the Kamukura project, Hajime Hinata, Kamukura-kun’s vessel, used to be very close to her.” He tapped a finger on her picture, pointing at the hairclip. “I think that’s the spaceship Gekkogahara-san was talking about.”

“Why didn’t you tell her?”

“Because, I plan on going against what she said,” he whispered, now pointing towards the door and making Juzo understand that it was possible their former classmate was spying on them. He didn’t think she was the type to do that, but he knew how careful Munakata-kun was. “I will make sure they keep playing together, even today. But I need you to find out what game that hairclip comes from.”

Juzo wanted to ask him why, or how to go about it, but decided against it. He finally had a good opportunity to impress him again, and he wasn’t going to let it pass. After almost a year of constantly screwing up, he was grateful he had been given a simple enough task. He stood up, facing Kyosuke and lowering his gaze so as to stare in his deep blue eyes.

“I will bring that information to you before the end of the day,” he promised.

“Just don’t be reckless, I don’t want Gekkogahara-san to figure us out.”

Juzo gave his friend a quick nod, and stepped out of the office. In the hallway, he looked out the window. The sun was shining bright, bringing him that extra hope he needed to carry on with his task.

 XXXXXXX

The bell rang, letting everyone know that the day was over. Chiaki stood up and waved goodbye to her classmates as she walked out the door. She stepped outside of the building, smiling as she felt the sunlight hit her pale skin. There was something else she wanted to do today: go home and play video games with Izukura. Despite the fact he’d been calling the games boring the entire time they were playing, she had a feeling that he would be online again tonight, and that she would finally get to beat him and show him that video games were fun. She wasn’t too sure why, but even though she didn’t know anything about the person hiding behind that username, she was intrigued by them. If she were entirely honest, part of her couldn’t believe that they were actually bored last night. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but she felt as though it was all an act. No one around her had ever been bored playing video games after all, not even her most inexperienced classmates.

As she was thinking about which games they would play tonight, she bumped into someone. Chiaki absentmindedly apologized before looking up at the person. All she saw was a mass of muscles, tan skin, and short, wavy green-ish hair. She quickly realized that she’d bumped into Juzo Sakakura-san, the headmaster’s right hand man. At that moment, she almost envied Komaeda-kun’s luck. This would have never happened to him.

“Are you okay?” Chiaki’s eyes widened, as she processed these words. Those were exactly the first words Hinata-kun had exchanged with her when they had first met. In spite of what she had promised herself yesterday, the memories that were suddenly flowing back made her upset.

“Yes, I should have watched where I was going. I’m really sorry,” she replied, walking away as quickly as possible. She didn’t want to be here. The sky was starting to turn a bright orange, just like it had on that evening. The setting was so similar that it was unbearable.

“Wait, you’re Chiaki Nanami, the Ultimate Gamer, right?” She nodded, still unable to face him. “This may be a weird question,” he continued, “but I remember playing the game your hairpin is from as a teenager but I can’t remember its na—”

At that point, Chiaki’s brain tuned out. Why was he asking her about Gala Omega? Why did this moment seem to mirror her first encounter with Hinata-kun? Why was one of the most important members of the academy’s staff so interested in her all of a sudden? Had she really bumped into him, or had he been standing in her way so this would happen?  

“Nanami-san, are you okay?”

“I’m sorry, Sakakura-san, what was the question?”

“What’s the name of the game this is from,” he replied, pointing at her hairclip.

She tried to speak, but no sound came out of her mouth. The air she had inhaled in order to speak seemed to be stuck in her throat, forming a lump that made breathing harder than it had ever been. Chiaki wasn’t sure what was happening to her. She could faintly hear Sakakura-san calling her name, but the world around her seemed to be spinning. She dug her fingernails into her palms, as though she were trying to anchor herself to something. Her vision became blurry and, as she lost her balance, she was surprised not to crash onto the solid concrete beneath her. Instead, she felt something warm. A few seconds later, everything around her turned black. The last things she remembered were thinking about how much she wished she’d never met Hinata-kun, and hearing Sakakura-san muttering something about messing up.

 XXXXXXX

Juzo cursed himself as Nanami-san’s small frame collided with his arms. He had no idea what had just happened, but he got that familiar feeling that always occurred after botching whatever mission Munakata-kun had assigned him. Yet, he knew it wasn’t too late. With all the buzzing from the students of the academy walking back to their dorms, his conversation with Nanami-san, and her eventually fainting had seemingly gone unnoticed. That meant he still had time to take her to the nurse’s office without being questioned by any of his former classmates. If he were lucky enough, Mikan Tsumiki’s shift would have started by the time he would reach the office. The Ultimate Nurse definitely lacked the confidence to go against orders, or to ask any type of question to anyone who gave them to her. It would be easy enough to ask her to hide this from others. Having a more concrete picture of what he was supposed to do now, Juzo rushed to his destination.

He eventually reached the nurse’s office, after what had felt like hours – though in reality, he knew it’d only been a few minutes. He had been on edge the entire time, scanning his surroundings before every step to ensure that he wouldn’t run into Gekkogahara-san, or worse, Yukizome-san. While it was the former that Munakata-kun had asked him to keep this a secret from, Juzo knew that he could always make up a story explaining why he had been with Nanami-san when she passed out if he saw her. That would probably stop her from being too suspicious or reporting anything to their boss. Besides, it was unlikely that she would even recognize Nanami-san, or know who she was. She hadn’t even mentioned her in her report to Munakata-kun. This would be okay. Yukizome-san, however, was too close to Munakata-kun to hide anything from him. She was still, even though he knew the other man had been avoiding her, his girlfriend, and she still called him every night. Juzo knew this because he usually was around when his crush’s phone would ring, and hearing him pick up and talk to her always made his stomach turn. He used to be able to deal with their relationship, but now that Munakata-kun knew how he felt and seemed to reciprocate, things were different.

Juzo gently opened the door to the nurse’s office without knocking, taking a glance inside. Once again, he ruined everything.

“Fuck,” he breathed, just loud enough for the head of blue hair that was inside the office to turn towards him.

“Wh-what happened to Nanami-san?” Tsumiki-san asked, rushing towards him.

Having lost all his composure after seeing Gekkogahara-san in the room, Juzo was unable to lie. “We were talking and she suddenly passed out,” he mumbled before pausing. The Ultimate Nurse had him lay the young girl on one of the beds. “It may be that she’s not eat—”  

“Well,” Usami’s voice chimed in, “this may be nerdview, but maybe whatever you were talking to her about stressed her out. You’re one of the higher-ups, it would make sense. I’ll do a little check-up when she comes to. Munakata-kun is waiting for you, anyway.”

“…Really?” Juzo, hesitated. He wanted to tell Gekkogahara-san that she was wrong, but he knew it was pointless. Besides, despite the fact she was communicating via her avatar, he felt like she knew something already. If she didn’t, she would have asked him what he had been talking to Nanami-san about. Staying here and protesting would only make things worse, so it was better to comply. Things were already bad enough as they were, but there was still a chance that Munakata-kun would never hear about this. “I’ll go then. Thank you.”

[raventhekittycat]

Detective Conan Fanfic: Crying Again

Alright, after posting about working on this for over a month now, it is finally ready to publish. Posting on here for now, will later post on ao3. Have a fic in which Akemi lives. Words: 4k+

Crying Again

Though he had always thought the expression was cliched and somewhat disingenuous he now understood what it meant. He really truly couldn't believe his eyes. Up until this point the most unbelievable thing Akai could think of that he had witnessed was when he had first spotted Shiho again on the street, shrunk down to the body of a six year old. Though he did have to admit he didn't know what he had expected though when Shiho summoned him to the hospital she was doing her residency at.

There were many things he'd only barely done in his life. He'd barely managed to convince his mother to let him join the FBI, barely managed to infiltrate the organization, barely managed to stay one step ahead of them at times, barely managed to find Shiho after he left, barely managed to fake his death, barely managed to outsmart Bourbon, barely succeeded at bringing them down, and at times barely keeping himself sane, plenty of close encounters and just scraping bys. But now it felt like none of it mattered, as he could barely stand. 

He felt his knees going weak, his jaw slacken, and the tears well in his eyes as he leaned against the door frame for support. He could actually feel himself slowly sliding down to the floor as his legs gave out. There she was leaning against the raised back of the hospital bed, Shiho standing beside her. Alive. Breathing. Alert. Looking at him. It was Miyano Akemi and he could say nothing.

The relief of seeing her alive again was quickly outweighed by the fresh wave of guilt that came rushing back into him. If he hadn't used her to infiltrate, the organization wouldn't have felt the need to dispose of her. She wouldn't be here in this hospital. She wouldn't have needed to try and protect Shiho as fiercely. She wouldn't have had to cry. As these thoughts went zinging through his head, he felt paralyzed and couldn't move. He was so glad to see her alive but it couldn't ever outweigh his guilt. He couldn't even be sure she wanted to see him. If she'd been alive all this time— he quickly dashed the thought. He shouldn't be thinking selfishly here.

As his thoughts tore into him relentlessly, pinning him in place, Akemi spoke up. Gesturing slightly she called him over with a quiet come here that wasn't much louder than a whisper. 

With those words he knew he should move, bring his legs back under him instead of crumpled under him, seiza style, like they were. He watched as Shiho squeezed her shoulder and said "I'll leave you two to it'" before moving to leave. As she walked past him and out the door she put a hand on his back and gave it a slight shove. "Go," was all she said to him before she was gone. 

With Shiho's push and Akemi watching him somehow he found the strength to stand back up and move to her side. The first step was the hardest as he fought to regain control over his body. How could she want to face him? All his fears were screaming at him in his mind. But each step came a little easier as he knew he had to obey her request.

Finally at her side, he moved to the chair she indicated to, next to the head of her bed. Sitting down he still didn't know what to say or where to begin. An apology didn't even suffice for everything he'd done, everything she'd been through. As he sat there looking at her trying to formulate any useful thought instead of just his racing emotions her hand flew through the air. 

He was stunned. The slap hadn't been that strong and didn't do much damage but the shock still was huge. The moment hung as he was about to say something along the lines of I deserved that, Akemi spoke up for the second time. "Idiot." After that word came out as she reached out and clung to his jacket, bunching it up with both hands. Now she was crying as well. "Shiho told me what you were like after you thought I had died. And how it's only been worse since the organization is gone." She loosened one of the hands she had been using to hold his jacket in a death grip with and reached up to brush the tears from his face. He hadn't until that point noticed the tears that had started to spill down his cheeks.

At that point the floodgates broke. She was too good for him. He deserved that slap and whatever else she threw at him and then to be cut out of her life. Pressing his forehead down into his hands clasped together in a single fist he sobbed. How could she still care? He'd hurt her so much, betrayed her in the end and hadn't even managed to protect her or Shiho. And those weren't even the only people who ended up hurt by his hand. His family, the boy and the girl, the NPD, the list went on. They had succeeded in the end but at what cost? 

As a near silent litany of "I'm sorry"'s poured from his mouth unaware, Akemi put her arms around him and drew him into her. When the embrace finally registered in his brain he jerked back, breaking out of it. He couldn't accept it. Looking at her tear stained face again with his own tear stained face twisted in pain, he broke further. "H-how? I failed you. I used you. And you, and you," he stumbled feeling his voice break as he got his mouth around the last bit of his sentence, ''you don't even know my name to blame."

"I don't need to know your name." The words cut into him more than he anticipated. But it was to be expected and he accepted it. As he started to withdraw in his mind knowing that he had crossed the uncrossable line, knowing that of course she wanted to cut off all relations with him, she continued. "I don't need it because I don't blame you. And either way you are my precious Dai-kun. Even if your name is different you will still be my precious person. Your name doesn't change that."

All he could do was stare at her. Opening his mouth to utter more protests she brought her finger over it silencing him. "Uun. I cared for you for who you were, for who you are even now. Knowing you were FBI didn't change that. I still love you, so," she paused for a brief moment, hoping what she had said would sink in before she asked her question, "may I know your name?" She paused again, this time less for impact and more to catch a break. It was the most she had talked in a long time and it showed. "I don't want to blame you. But I also don't want to call someone so dear to me by the wrong name. So will you please tell me?"

Though the tears were still falling they no longer were the body wracking sobs that had taken hold moments before. He couldn't deny her. He was in no place to do so. He knew he never would be for as long as he lived. Following this line of thought he took in her earnest face, instantly regretting that again he was the source of her tears, before he let his name pass over his lips. "Shuuichi." Though the initial reply was undeniably quiet with a little more presence he spoke up. "It's Akai Shuuichi." 

Almost from the moment he had met her he'd wanted to tell her. To say it finally came as a relief to him. With it, it resolved one of his bigger regrets and enabled him to calm down a bit. He still was experiencing the most pain he'd felt since receiving news of her death but he found his breath wasn't getting choked up in sobs anymore. He could focus more on her now and a little less on the guilt and that tore at his insides.

Akemi let the name wash over her. "Akai Shuu...ichi. Shuuichi-san, Shuuichi-kun, Shuu-kun. Shuu-kun," she played around with it in her mouth a bit finding the rhythm of it, grateful to finally know it. As she tested out how to say it and find what felt natural to call him, quickly throwing away some possibilities—san just felt wrong, she’d known him too intimately for that—while lingering over others, she thought to herself that it somehow felt fitting, and not out of place. After thinking for a minute she asked, "What kanji?" 

"The shuu of to excel and ichi of one."

Humming to herself she thought it really was fully fitting. He was truly the most excellent person she knew. His determination, his brain, his dedication, they all were excellent. "It suits you."

At that he took pause as the guilt and self-loathing that came with it, cut back into him. It couldn't be further from the truth in his mind. Excellent at what? Using people? He couldn't even say that. He would have been undercover longer if that were the case. Sniping? That wasn't a skill to be proud of and he'd failed at the shot he'd wanted to take the most, that time he gave Gin his scar. Not even his brain was near the top. He couldn't count the many times he'd been outsmarted, sometimes by his enemies, sometimes by his allies. Hell, Shuukichi was better at strategy than he was. And certainly his personality wasn't excellent. With these thoughts circling his head he let out a bitter laugh. "Excellent at what? All I am is horrible, all I do is barely passable. There isn't anything excellent about me. Even what I'm best at is sub-par."

Akemi was taken aback. Though she had heard from Shiho that he really had seemed to have turned into an empty shell without a purpose and was almost without a doubt suffering from depression, she wasn't expecting him to be this self-deprecating. She wasn't quite sure she had ever seen him put himself down in any manner before. 

Without putting any thought into her words she started to protest. It hurt to see him like that and so she tried to speak to distract him, convince him otherwise before formulating a solid argument, but in the end it didn't matter. In an uncharacteristic move he cut her off. Again she had to be surprised; he'd always been considerate and listened to her even when he didn't agree.

"Akemi, I failed you. I failed Shiho too. I promised to protect you and I couldn't protect either of you, keep you out of Gin's reach. It's only by sheer luck that Shiho's alive, that I found her and was able to help and try to protect her. In the end a high school boy did a far better job at that than I ever did.

Akemi felt the tears begin pouring down her face again. It hurt to see the man she loved, the man that usually inspired her, had comforted her, start to tear himself down again. As he continued on with his miniature tirade she couldn't take it anymore, feeling each word as if it were a knife wielded against her instead of a knife he was using against himself. 

She needed to silence him, temporarily at least, even if it wouldn't change his way of thinking. This wasn't how she wanted to be reunited. Carrying along with that line of thinking, she extended one hand and clapped it over his mouth figuring it was quickest to start with that. She felt him startle underneath her hand and close his mouth as she started to move her other hand. To do what she wanted she needed a better grip on him, and so she snaked her hand up around the back of his head. It was harder to hold him than she had really anticipated with his hair cut short now and the cap covering most of it. But the time for being gentle had ended as she dragged his head towards hers. She wasn't going to let him escape as he had done earlier when she embraced him.

Staring into his anguished eyes around the tears in hers, knowing she wasn't a sight to behold either, with her face twisting up in her sobbing and how frail she was, she couldn't care. She needed him to see that she was crying for him while she did this. Dropping the hand that covered his mouth down to his jacket she closed the last few inches and kissed him. 

Akai froze. This kiss was effective and served its purpose in shutting him up even if he didn't know it. Even when they were together they hadn't kissed much. He always thought it was against his better judgement despite the fact he cared for her. Though the converse could be said to be true as well, in that he rarely did it because he cared, because he didn't want to use her further. 

As he stayed frozen Akemi drew her head back just far enough to speak. "Don't say those things," she choked out. Moving her head back to a more reasonable distance, she spoke what she thought. "You didn't fail either of us. We're both alive right? And I wouldn't have found the strength to leave if it weren't for you. You did that. You saved me. Even if I almost died because of it, if I hadn't I wouldn't be living a life I could be proud of. And Shiho would have never thought to leave. You saved both of us from them. And that is far better than being protected within them."

Neither of them moved while the words processed. Though Akemi hadn't had to think about what she had said before she said it, the words felt true to her in her heart. They weren't platitudes she had sprouted to make him feel better. With a little more confidence she raised her eyes to meet his again. Staring straight at him praying to any god that might listen that he would hear her, listen to her, believe her, she pushed ahead with conviction.

"You didn't fail. I'm alive."

The words hit him like a truck. The guilt that had grasped his heart since her death hadn't let him consider anything but the fact that he failed; however right now what his heart was hearing was the fact that she was alive. To be reminded so forcibly by her actions and words that she was living while he was still reeling from having found her to be so, kept him quiet. But the words did register. She really was here, holding onto him, somehow possibly still maybe even loving him. 

Finally, almost in spite of himself, he made a move towards her for the first time, extending one hand to the back of her head, the other reaching around her back, drawing her to him in an embrace. Clinging to her, his face buried in her shoulder while she held him, he let himself break. "You're alive. You really are alive. This isn't a nightmare." At last, the solace that she was living started to take over his clouded heart as he started to sob again, this time more in relief than guilt.

They sat there a while crying on each others shoulders, glad to be reunited, regretting what had transgressed, and each subconsciously starting to form a small kernel of hope for the future. After some time both of them started to calm down, Akai moving to draw back first, his sense of proprietary compelling him. As they drew apart he noted the mess he had made of her hospital gown. Slightly embarrassed by the sorry state of affairs he had created, he accepted the tissue Akemi offered him. After blowing his nose, he took a moment to compose himself while he brushed the tears from Akemi's cheek. "I'm sorry, I've made you cry again. I never wanted to be the reason for your tears again but it seems I failed that."

She shook her head under his hand. Placing her hand on his cheek over his tears she replied. "I'm not the only one crying here now, so it's alright. It just means we both care; there is nothing wrong with it."

He was surprised at first by her words. The logic seemed foolish but he couldn't disagree with the truth behind it. You wouldn't cry if you didn't care, and he knew it was dangerous to not care, even though it hadn’t stopped him from losing most of his. But that brought him to his next thought. “If there’s nothing wrong with them, then why hide them? I don't want to hurt you."

Akemi was mildly surprised at the rhetorical question he had unintentionally posited. She could tell he was thinking back to there parting when she finally had been unable to hide her tears. She could tell by now he knew for sure that she had concealed them more than a handful of times before. Even though she knew he didn’t expect an answer she decided to answer anyways. 

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Akai was taken aback. “Hurt me? If you knew I was using you then you had every right to hurt me as much as it pleased you. You should have used me right back; I wouldn’t have left you.”

She smiled a bit, but it hurt. He finally had been able to mention what had happened with her without immediately caving in on himself, which was good, but explaining why wasn’t pleasant. “I couldn’t though. If I cried and you had asked what was wrong I would have had to explain you see? Or make up an excuse. But if you found out that I knew then the magic spell would be over and you would leave. I didn’t want it to end. That’s why I hid them from you.”

Her words hurt. They resurrected the guilt that he had been feeling, albeit a slightly different, fresher, newer guilt. But it wasn’t as horrid or as wretched as the original. And so it didn't consume him fully, however much it took a hold of his face. As it shown in his eyes, he cast his face down, away from her in his shame.

Akai had some sense though as to placate it and so steeling himself somewhat, he raised his head again to face her. “If there is nothing wrong with them please don’t hide them from me in the future. I don’t want to hurt you, and I won’t leave your side, if you show them.” Meeting her eyes, he promised her, not knowing how she would take his response. 

His promise had been left open ended, and not truly as a full offer to resuming dating, but his subconscious desires had snuck into his wording, and Akemi heard it. "In the future," he had said. She caught those three little words, and hung onto them. "'In the future.' Does that mean that this is your response to my message?"

It was the first time she really allowed herself to hope again, and her fierce eyes were burning with it. Though she had had her hopes before, and they had been renewed when Shiho talked of him, she tried not to listen to them, knowing that nothing may come of them. The two years she hadn't heard from him had hurt, even though she understood why there had been no communication. But it the back of her mind there had always been the niggling of doubt, that he really had only used her for his cover and hadn't cared in the slightest. Those doubts had hurt even though she was sure she knew he had cared.  

As the weight and implication of his own words hit Akai, he had to take pause. He hadn't even thought of her message or answering it at this point, his emotions being so all consuming. But he knew what the answer was. He'd known as soon as he had read the mail. The answer had always been yes. He couldn't deny that he had completely and utterly fallen in love with her after all. Akai knew what to say.

"If you will have me, yes. I'll be yours."

Akemi's eyes lit up as she broke into a semi sweet smile. All those small niggling unkind little doubts that had plagued her mind unbidden were banished. She was a little sad that he didn't have more confidence in his answer—she had been the one to ask, it was natural then that she wanted him—but she was still glad to hear his answer.

"You foolish man, of course I want you."

Foolish? Foolish? Though he had been slowly putting the picture together, the slight dig went at him first, confusing him before all the pieces clicked in place. Her hidden tears, her allowage of her usage, her response when he told her, her final message, her trying to make Shiho and him get along, it all made sense. She'd known for a long time and had only loved him for that, not who he pretended to be. Akemi just had wanted him to love her in return. That's all she'd truly wanted from him. She hadn't needed the truth. Even if she had liked to hear the truth from him, it wasn't on her priority list.

For Shiho who had come back to stand outside the door, the moment seemed to hang forever. Akemi was still a patient recovering from a coma and needed rest after all. But as she waited for a moment to interrupt she received a shock. Akai had started to laugh. She didn't believe the man could even laugh before. Between Akai's dry chuckles, she heard him respond. 

"Foolish? I guess I am the foolish man here, and you never were." After he calmed his laughter he looked Akemi in the eyes. "Akemi, I love you. I've loved you for a long time now. Will you go out with me?" Even though the question was settled more or less by his previous response, he felt the need to formalize it and at least try and show that she had what she had always wanted.

Despite their previous interchange, Akemi was overcome with emotion. Maybe this is what a marriage proposal felt like to other people. To hear he loved her, to hear he had loved her for a long while before now, it made her heart sing. The spell wasn't broken and she had found her prince, her superhero, her James Bond. And he loved her back. As she felt the tears well back up in her eyes, she placed her hand over his and nodded before getting out, at first an emotionally strangled whisper, but then with clarity, "Yes. Yes, I will."

Shiho silently left as the two of them reconnected. Ten more minutes wouldn't hurt. As she wandered to the lobby, she knew she had made the right decision even if she wasn't happy with end result. Akemi had needed this after all. And she had to admit Akai did too. They both needed healing. 

Once at the lobby, she confirmed that the other person she had called was there. She was a little surprised to see Masumi in tow, but then decided it was probably for the best. Akai seemed to have a sweet spot for his younger sister, and was less likely to make a scene or argue with Mary if she was there.

When she returned, they seemed to be talking about his hair. She'd briefly wondered at some point why'd he cut it when he seemed a little vain about his appearance, but never really cared to question it. As she walked in she caught the tail end of his response and was surprised to see him turned away from Akemi with a light blush dusting his cheeks, seemingly embarrassed.

"...together, you liked to play with it. I didn't want anyone else touching it after that." Akemi's eyes were aglow as the grin she was wearing spread even wider. Shiho had to admit they were a cute sight together like that even if she hadn't fully forgiven him. She cleared her throat to let them know she was there. It had been a somewhat intimate statement and she really didn't want to hear anything more like it. They both turned to look at her.

"Akemi you need to rest. And before either of you say anything you won't rest if Akai is around. Plus Akai, I've scheduled a psychiatrist appointment for you after this. Mary and I have been in agreement on this matter and she's waiting for you in the lobby with Masumi to make sure you don't escape." There was a hint of steel in Shiho's voice which brooked no argument. She had really come to respect the older woman after a rocky start, finding that they agreed on many things, and as such had stayed in touch with her.

As Akai turned to look at Akemi, hoping that she might protest his departure—and he could get out of dealing with his mom—he saw that she just looked slightly confused. Quickly he realized she never knew the names of his family, even though he had occasionally talked about them vaguely. "Mary is my mother, and Masumi is my little sister."

"I'd like to meet them, sometime."

"Of course. I can tell you about my family tomorrow, in the meantime." Akai said the tomorrow in a questioning tone, and received a nod of confirmation from Shiho as he did so. "I have a younger brother as well."

"I'd love that." Akemi beamed her classic smile, though both Shiho and Akai could tell she was growing weary.

Smiling back at her Akai replied. "Then I'll see you tomorrow." Though he didn't want to leave, he allowed Shiho to drag him down to the lobby to his family. As she did so, a small smile remained on his face.

A/N: This is hasn’t been fully edited (or beta’d) by anyone other than myself so if you catch any errors, feel free to point them out to me. I am planning on extending this and have started working on both a scene that takes place directly afterwards and one that takes place before. As such parts might change slightly once I decide whether to post it as a series of one shots or as a multi chapter on ao3. If you have read my response to the dcmkemogust2019 prompt nightmare, that does tie into this. I wrote this because I really wanted to explore how Akai would react to finding Akemi alive. But as I continued writing it I found that it was also really fun to look at how Akemi would react to him as well. She is one of my favorite characters and I suspect it shows a little here. And yes I am aware that comas don’t work like how I have written, but since the series ignored it with Kir, I felt that I had the right to also ignore it.

[hypmicscenarios]

Anime Attraction

3.K words

A/N: High School au. Fic with ichiro, you two slowly falling in love over the span of a 4 day convention and bonding over the fact that you’re closeted weebs. (So he would like tdd era ichiro) And again! I use neutral pronouns! hope you enjoy~

Day 1: You were very excited, happy, elated, every happy word in the book! This year, you were finally going to your first anime convention. Unfortunately, you were a bit of a closeted weeb. People knew you watched anime….just not your extreme obssession with it. Maybe extreme was too harsh for you case, but you were sure that would be the situation if they ever saw your room, filled with anime posters, merch, etc.However, those were all bought online or in stores….youve never actually been to a convention.

Online, you heard many good things about it, and that people there, for the most part, were friendly. You smiled as you got off the train, an empty backpack on your bag, besides essentials, inside an empty tote bag for you posters. You had planned for this for months. Saving up all the money you could from your allowances. Your wallet, besides money for the train and food to eat, was going to be completely emptied by the end of the day. Finally, you took your jacket off, revealing a ( favorite anime) anime shirt on your person. One of your favorites. You could never choose. You could talk about it for days. However….it was Under rated. It was also a bit old...and you were late to watch it, so the fandom dwindled down.

You were amazed as you saw many cosplays, a bit too nervous to ask for pictures, or even compliment them, but you hoped they received your compliments in spirit….something like that. It was….also really big and crowded. You got too into your head, overthinking a bunch of things, that you didn’t see the larger man in front of you, hitting his back.

“O-oh im sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” you said, bowing quickly. You looked up at the man, gulping, quickly taken aback by how pretty he was, different colored eyes, red and green. It almost seemed like he was in cosplay, but he was just wearing a naruto shirt with black jeans on, a naruto headband around his forehead.

Ichiro blinked and smiled,”no need to apologize, I was kind of standing here in the middle of everyone anyway,”his eyes went down to your shirt and his eyes sparkled,”wait….thats a (favorite anime) isnt it! Whose your favorite character?”, he asked. You were taken aback about how eager and happy he seemed, but it definitely managed to make you relax a bit.

“My favorite character is [     ],”you said, stating your reasoning,”oh- sorry….I didn’t mean to talk that long,” Ichiro chuckled,”thats fine, I love them too! For mostly the same reasons, theyre kind of cool. This is my first convention so Im excited its going off to great start, thanks.”

Oh? It was his first time as well? “Its my first time too, I came here alone, I didn’t expect to be this big, theres so many people.” Ichiro nodded,”Im here by myself too, are you here all four days?” You nodded. “If you dont mind it, we can walk around together, ah! Sorry if thats a bit too forward….”,he trailed off. To be honest, Ichiro was a closeted weeb. So he had no one to talk to, let alone drag to a con. “Oh no, Um, its fine. I would like that...even though I know everyone here loves anime….”,you trailed off, the guy, whose name you still didn’t know, finished your thought,”because theres so many people conversing and being you feel like everyone already has their own cliques and you realize youre alone.”

Well. That. Yes that. You smiled,”Yeah, its that, and my nerves and anxiety.”

Ichiro stuck his hand out,”Yamada Ichiro, 2nd year high school student in Ikebukuro. Nice to meet you.”

“ l/n, f/n, also 2nd year in a high school located in yokohama, nice to meet you”m you said and shook his hand. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Day 2:

The first day, the two of you had walked around, played games, went to panels together, learning much more about each other. You agreed to meetup at the same place in the morning. Of course, you were even more excited than you were yesterday. You were dressed in more casual clothing, but backpack was now decorated with buttons you found. Soon, you heard your name being called out and waved your hand,”Good Morning Yamada-san”, you said, greeting him.

Ichiro smiled and spoke,”Morning! Did you sleep well?”, he asked.  You shook your head in disagreement,”I barely got any sleep, I was excited for today.” Ichiro laughed,”so did I, so what should we do today?”,he said, taking out the convention program guide. “Hmmmm, theres a bunch of panels,”you said, going to the side of him and looking at the program,”how to successfully master naruto hand signs….”,you trailed off. They really….had a panel for everything.

Ichiro’s face lit up,” that sounds cool, want to go? Although I already know a couple…”,he said, and you laughed,”what? You going to become the next hokage Yamada-san?”, you teased a bit, but he went along with it, of course he did. You found out about this from yesterday. That he was like this. “I am gonna be next hokage, just believe it!”, he said.

“Thats naruto’s punchline you cant just steal it,” you said, watching Ichiro as he thought, then spoke again, very excitedly,”Im going to be next hokage, because I said so!”, he said, putting out a thumb. For some reason, it had you laughing a lot,”b-bbecause you said so? Ahahaha, well, you sure have a passion like naruto, I think thats all you need, its cute”, you said, realizing that you had just called the other cute.

Ichiro blushed and put his hand behind his back,”Sorry...I just cant be like this a lot in real life without getting teased for it, so its a bit refreshing,”he said and you nodded,, understanding completely.

“Well, lets go learn some jutstus even though they wont help against a gun but who cares, because its an anime convention, and we’re doing what we love,”you said confidently, more confident than you would expect from yourself.  Ichiro nodded,”Dattebayo, lets go!”, he saidm turning around and walking. You were really having too much fun. Being attracted to him went way over your head for now, simply enjoying the time the two of you spent together.

Later on in the day, the two of you found an anime photo booth, Ichiro dragging you by the arm towards it,”for memories!”, he said. The two of you got in and hit the naruto theme poses. Of course, you indulged him, he was cute when he got his way. And, you didn’t have to worry about poses. Instead, they gave you poses to do.

The first was a naruto sign for any jutsu, the second peace signs, the third you had to stick your tongues at each other, seeming annoyed, and the last one….got you. It was only a hug, but they way Ichiro hugged you quickly and tightly, pushing both of your faces together, eft you shocked, and you were sure the picture didn’t turn out well. Once you got out and looked at it, Ichiro pointed to last one,”its like you were trying so hard not to blink, but we’re cute, arent we?”,he said and you laughed:yea we really are”, you replied, more focused on the current pace of your heart...beating very rapidly. You paid for two copies so you could keep it. The rest of the day, you two kept up your shenanigans. It was tough leaving, but you were going to come back tomorrow and, hopefully, your heart would learn to behave.

Day 3:

The two of you sat down to eat lunch on the third day, already having gone through a couple activities.

“Theres Jiro, then theres Saburo, and Saburo is the oldest. We’re all pretty close but Saburo and Jiro always fight a lot, typical sibling stuff…..and a lot of the times it includes me. I keep telling them I dont have favorites but they never listen,”Ichiro sighed with a smile on his face. It wasn’t an exhausted sigh though, he was used to it, it was just how they worked.

You smiled as he rambled on about his brothers. It was very clear that he cherished the both of them dearly and would do anything for them. “That must be nice….Im an only child so I could never relate to these type of things. Thats why I got into anime really, theres was no one that I could play with at the snap of a finger if I wanted to-oh Im not sad about it or anything, I love anime, it was really there for me in trying times, plus the internet.”

Ichiro nodded and then spoke,”Well, you have me now too, and you can be as passionate as you want, no holding back. You have my number now and its already fun texting you when we’re not at the convention.”  He was right. After you guys left, you were quickly texting each other at home before you went to sleep. You sent each other memes,pictures, and talked about a bunch of different topics, that often you had smiling or laughing at your phone.

At that point….you knew had a crush. It was only two days but he was just so…..it was the little things really, not just the fact that you had anime in common. When you were walking through the convention center, going through a massive crowd, he told you to hold onto his jacket, so you wouldn’t get lost. Or how he quickly offered to help hold your stuff when you were buying merchandise. Or even him talking about how much he loves his brothers. Rather than weird, it was insanely cute to you.

It wasnt love per say…..well. Lets be real. You were a sucker when it came to love. Honestly, you dont even feel like counting how many crushes you had but none of those ever came to fruition.  You should just focus on your anime boys but the moment some other boy is even the slightest bit kind to you, like helping you carry books, your heart falls. Despite that though, you felt like this was different. More than just a couple simple acts of kindness.

“Im really enjoying our time here, we’re going to the cosplay masquerade today right? We still have some time to kill, want to go to the game hall?”, you asked,”then we can see which one of us is better at dance dance revolution.” Ichiro smiled and nodded his head,”Yeah! Youre on!”

After that, the two of you managed to spend all of your time in the hall. Ichiro was by a claw machine and you commented,”I suck at these things,”then looked inside, seeing what plushies they had. “I think im pretty decent,”Ichiro said, walking up,”sometimes I won stuff for saburo when I was little...he grew out of it though,”Ichiro said with a laugh.He wanted to try it.

“Good Luck Yamada-kun!”, you said, cheering him on. You were amazed by how focused he looked. “Do you want anything specific?”,he asked you. “Wait, me?”, you said, trying to clarify. Ichiro laughed,”I think you’re the only l/n here,”he said. That...kind of caught you off guard. But you walked up and placed your hands against the glass. “Ummmm, that cat in the middle is kind of cute.”

Ichiro nodded. The first time, he managed to pick the plushie up for about three seconds before it fell, but that was better than what you could do! The second time, he managed to grab it again, your eyes wide in anticipation as you followed the claw and plushie to the drop off slot. “Oh my god, you did it!”,you said, going to high five both of Ichiro’s hands but, instead of letting go, he held them and put them down,”Yeah I did! Guess I didn’t lose my skill after all.” “Yeah...youre amazing”, you said, trying to not comment on the fact that he was still holding both of your hands. God….your heart was a mess. There was no denying you fell for him. At most, it was very high like at this point.

Day 4:

Ichiro was excited to see you again. Well, half-excited and half-sad. He really liked hanging out with you. More often than not, he found himself thinking about how you look best when theres a smile on your face. So, he always did dumb things to make you smile, no matter how stupid it may have looked. Maybe it was because you didn’t think his obsession was weird. When you guys talked, your interests lined up more than he thought they would. It was perfect.

Of course, he eventually figured out that he’d want to see you, in a more romantic context, that it is. He knew his feelings towards you were different. Honestly, he even weirdly got a little bit jealous when you mentioned how hot a specific anime character was. Ichiro didn’t necessarily plan on confessing that day….but who knows how things would turn out. Yes, it had only been three days, but he felt like he knew you already. Really, you guys always messaged each other.

The conversations would go dull for an hour or so but one link to a meme and that sparked a conversation that continued for a while. It was great. He had never felt so validated.

“L/n-san! Hey, morning!”,he said as he walked up to you. You looked like you were thinking hard about something, but Ichiro didn’t comment on it.

In fact, you were. Thinking about how you wouldn’t be able to see him so frequently. It made you….sadder than you expected. Granted you could travel to see him, but it was also due to the fact that it was the last day of the convention. Here, you could be yourselves without glancing over you shoulder every couple seconds in fear that someone you knew would spot you.  It was so much fun, especially because of him!

Its for the best though….your funds were just about dried out. You couldn’t help but smile as you saw him though,”hey, good morning to you too, ready for the last day?” Ichiro laughed,”Yes and No because this has been very exciting.” You nodded in agreement,”it has, it does suck that we cant experience this everyday.”

“well!”,Ichiro clapped his hands,”lets not worry about that and focus on having fun, okay?” Your smile got wider,”yes, okay!” Ichiro spoke,”Datteba-”, then he pointed towards you,”Yo!”, you said, the two of you giggling. This had become your thing now, apparently, but you two werent used to it, hence you laughing off you embarrassment.

You went to the artist alley and exhibit hall one last time, taking a lot more pictures together than usual, even with cosplayers! Ichiro helped you out a lo with expressing that you wanted pictures with them and that was yet another thing that you loved about him. Without even asking him to do so, he just did it on a whim, and that made you incredibly happy.

A bit later, it was closing ceremonies. It wasnt much really, but anything to just spend even a little more time with Ichiro. However, that ended sooner than you expected. And you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

The two of you sat outside on a bench.

“So, I suppose this is it…”,you said. You had to get back early today anyway. Yet, you really didn’t want to. You looked up as Ichiro spoke,”no, its not it. We still have each other’s numbers, we can make it work, I-well….these past few days have been really fun for me,”Ichiro blushed, placing his hand behind his neck. Was he going to confess? If he didn’t do it now he knew he’d procrastinate on doing so forever. He didn’t necessarily have to make sure you were his in this exact moment, but his heart wanted an answer as soon as possible, before he got in too deep.

“The thing is….I want us to be more than just friends. I just….the more we talked, the more I found myself drawn to you. Like I can tell you anything. Its really easy to be myself around you, l/n, I want...to get closer. So, would you go out with me? Or not now, I mean you can think about it but...yeah.”,he said, face blushing. He had only confessed once in his lifetime and that was during elementary….he was quickly shut down.

You….couldn’t believe your ears. Did you really manage to find someone who was interested you at an anime convention. Well, you were sure there were more interesting stories but this was still way out of your league. You even thought he was way out of your league.

“I….we can date. I feel the same, about you, I like talking to you. And I think whats making me so sad is that I cant see you...not the convention part,”you said, looking towards Ichiro and seeing his grow excited. He grabbed your hands quickly and held them,”really?! Thats great.”,he said, letting go than hugging you. Oh. This was happening. It took you a couple seconds to process the hug before you reciprocated it.

Ichiro pulled away, looking down at you, a smile on his face,”when I talk with you, I feel like the happiest and luckiest man in the world. I know love is too strong of a word right now, but I want to do my best to make you happy.”

You were so flustered that you made no response, even more so when you felt his hand on your cheek and saw him leaning in. It all happened quickly. You closed your eyes and suddenly his lips were on yours. No movement, but it lingered for a moment, before he pulled away.

That was your first...kiss. You didn’t mind that it got taken by him but still….it was so much to process. Ichiro brought you back to reality,”Ikebukuro isn’t too far from Yokohama on the train, maybe we could meet in the middle on weekends, or switch up, ah, well I guess we can talk about this letter, getting ahead of myself,”he said and chuckled, which only prompted you to let out a soft laugh. He was like an eager puppy that you wanted to pet. Weird how he so easily calmed your nerves by the sounds of your laughs.

“Datteba-”

“Yo!”

[bemused-writer]

Writer Asks

Tagged by: @grelleswife Thanks for the tag! ^^

Author name: I go by Bemused Writer pretty consistently now! In the past I went by Sky Falls and Elisabetta Avalone as well in the early 2000s on FF.Net. Bemused Writer became my default by accident if I’m completely honest and it’s because of Tumblr. XD Eventually I figured it would be nice if people could easily recognize my works, so there it is!

Fandoms you write for: At the moment I’m mostly writing for Vanitas no Carte but I’ve written for several fandoms including Pandora Hearts, Voltron, Dragon Age, Good Omens, Blackwell series, etc. In the past I wrote for Death Note, Harry Potter, Naruto, and Fullmetal Alchemist (this was back in the FF.Net days; most of those aren’t online anymore, alas). I’d actually like to write for those fandoms again someday, but for now I’m focusing on my in progress stories. ^^

Where you post: AO3, FF.Net, and Dreamwidth primarily. AO3 updates the fastest.

Most popular oneshot:  Based off of the kudos count on AO3 it’s basically a tie between two oneshots: Earth Is Where the Heart Is (Good Omens) at 97 kudos and Trust (Banana Fish) at 94. 

Earth Is Where the Heart Is was my take on what things would be like if Crowley really had been the archangel Raphael before he fell and what his time in Heaven would have been like and how his friendship with Aziraphale and Lucifer developed.

Trust was a look at what might have happened if Eiji had taken Ash up on his offer to “come alone next time” and visit him in prison. That makes it sound kind of ominous, but it was mostly fluffy with a bit of angst (it’s Banana Fish, so...).

I think it’s interesting that my most popular oneshots aren’t even remotely related to the fandoms I write for most. XD 

Most popular multichap: The reigning champion for this is still Change On the Horizon (Vanitas no Carte) with 116 kudos. I did this as a multichapter fic for the 2018 VaNoé week. It was a series of loosely connected stories showing the development of Vanitas and Noé‘s relationship from friends to possibly something more. I tried especially hard on this one to keep everyone in character and I feel pretty good about how it turned out. My personal favorite chapters were “Wearing Each Other’s Clothes,” “Face Holding,” “Ice Skating,” and the free day, which I used for “Rooftop Dance.”

Favourite story: Ahh, now that is a tough one. It’s often whatever I’ve written most recently. XD However! There are a few that have stayed with me, possibly because they truly reflected something I wished for in fandom most:

The Descent (Vanitas no Carte/Diablo AU) - I wrote this one so quickly; it just flowed out of my fingers. It was a very cheery kind of mania. XD Diablo is a game I’ve played since I was a kid, so getting to revisit that and write the characters in a new environment where everything is so different was a great deal of fun. I really liked having just three characters to focus on (Noé, Vanitas, and Jeanne) and how they related to one another through such difficult times. I’m working on the sequel right now as well and while it has a different tone, I’m enjoying that one, too. ^^

Dealing with Monsters (Vanitas no Carte) - I don’t write from Vanitas’s perspective as much as  I do Noé’s but this time I did as I explored a possible past for him. This was another one that just poured out.

Starting Over (Blackwell series) - This is probably the smallest fandom I’ve written for to date as far as AO3 popularity goes. But this story means a great deal to me simply because of how much I love Rosa and Joey. I write a lot of romance in my stories, but pure friendship and devotion still remains one of my favorite relationships to see depicted and I believe that’s what these two had. In terms of writing I also feel like I really captured their voices and I am proud of that. It was also pretty cathartic considering the actual events of the game. 8D

What Once Was (Dragon Age) - I always thought it was implied in DA2 that Merrill cared a great deal for the Warden, but that doesn’t often get explored in fandom or in the game itself either. In this story, I explore how she joined her clan, how she the met the Warden, and how she may have felt for Mahariel.

Story you were most nervous to post: Hmmm, no specific story, but I’m always a little concerned about posting things that are a little more explicit in any regard whether it’s violence or sexuality. As such, I probably rate things a little higher than they merit, but better safe than sorry.

How you pick your titles: I am the worst with titles. If I could just entitle everything “A Story about X” I probably would XD Instead, I usually attempt to name it after a theme present in the story.

Do you outline?  For chapter stories, often. How detailed the outline is depends on the kind of story. Whether or not I follow that outline is something else entirely, but the outline helps get the ideas flowing and then I know if something needs to be moved around, removed entirely, or if there’s an entire arc that needs to be added a little bit better.

Having said that, I have definitely started stories without any outline, added one later, and all that jazz, so it’s a mixed bag. XD

Complete stories:  According to AO3 I have 30 completed stories. Most of these are oneshots, of course.

In Progress:  I currently have 8 in progress. Two of these are meta-based, so there’s a little less urgency there. As such, I’d say 6 in-progress stories proper.

Coming Soon: I have about three stories planned for The Untamed! I also have chapters for the in-progress stories planned! I just ... need time to write and edit! 8D

Having said that, the next chapter for The Red Streets of Paris is currently at nearly 4k (woo!) and the combined word count for The Untamed stories is nearly at 7,500 words.

Prompts: I’m not totally sure I follow what this one is asking? But if it’s asking whether I take prompts the answer is not at this point in time. I already have way too many ideas I want to explore and several stories I need to wrap up. Attempting anything more would be too much. XD

Upcoming story you are most excited for: Right now I’m looking forward to finishing up a oneshot for The Untamed that explores what Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian discussed in The Silent Room after their revelations. I’m also looking forward to a multi-chapter story going over their adventures once they reunite. It will feature illness, curses, WWX defending LWJ, and a lot of chaos, so I think it will be fun. 8D

Five authors: I will tag @ineverywordandsong, @thecryoftheseagulls, @bagel-san, @descendant-of-truth, and @skylights422 if any of you would like to give this a go. ^^

[noplotnostory]

Test to see if I still can...

A NSFWednesday Monsters in Mythology

So, I’m working on my first ever skelesmut, and I wanted to make sure that the proper skeledick was used in this fic. I ended up going with the most common type of skeledick utilized in UnderTale skelesmut, but this was still a fun topic, so here’s a Monsters in Mythology about it.

Now the reason why this is a Monsters in Mythology instead of a normal NSFWednesday post is actually related to a prior Monsters in Mythology about my favored theory on the nature/origins of the skelebros. Specifically, that they are, in fact, spartae. Or spartoi. Again, the spelling varies from source to source...

But the point is that they are identified as both men and skeletons. Literary sources lean more towards the “man” thing, but visual depictions of spartae/oi are almost always skeletal.

Now this could be because Ancient Greek storytellers had a bit of a bias regarding the “default state of being” as Overly Sarcastic Productions points out in her Trope Talk video about Manly Men (the relevant information here being that much like “white straight male” has been considered the default character template for much of Western Literary History, the default character template in much of Ancient Greek literature was usually “Greek bisexual male”), so describing the spartae/oi as “men” might have been an assumption, especially after they demonstrated aptitude in combat, participated in the founding of a city and began to breed with humans.

Or it could mean they had visible genitalia.

I mean, both skelebros have features that make them clearly not-human-skeletons, so why not?

There’s even precedent for this in animal biology. I didn’t actually know about this until I stumbled upon an article on Cracked.com titled “5 Ways Evolution Designed Your Body To Be Awesome At Sex” and read the final item on the list. Apparently, most male mammals actually have a bone in their penis known as the baculum (have fun writing Sans pun with that), and since there’s a significant amount of monsters with animal features and quite a few have sort of mix-and-matched features, we can’t rule out the possibility of the skelebros having some skeletal features that resemble other species more than the human skeleton. Since this bone basically makes it impossible to not have a boner (unless magic skeleboners can move? Somehow? I’m no expert on this, I’m just trying to get people thinking about all the options) it does make how clothes fit a little questionable, but they were already skeletons so Sans clearly is wearing a belt or has a drawstring or elastic band in his shorts if he’s not actively using gravity magic to hold them up? Whatever. How skeletons wear clothes is a subject I just don’t feel ready to tackle in depth.

Moving away from the “All Bone” possibilities but not quite entering the “ectojunk” category yet...ok, I’ll level with you, the basic idea of this post and several links for reference (which have been supplied thus far, as I believe in providing sources) have been sitting in my drafts for a while. As a result, there are currently two reasons why this section isn’t happening the way I was hoping it would.

Reason One: The Tumblr Purge.

While text posts are still allowed (maybe?), fanart blogs have taken a hit and some have been removed entirely. This includes a blog that had gone by the URL “rexphilia”. I had only discovered this blog and it’s fanart shortly before I even heard about the then-upcoming purge and gotten sick almost immediately after. Between my preoccupation with my own posts, the ongoing conflict between myself and the dreaded season known as winter, and the fact that I had known about this blog and had gathered (now useless) links to include in this post for less than a day before setting this whole thing aside in my drafts to focus on other things, I have no clue where to find this artist, now and therefore am unable link anything to credit them or provide screenshots for reference. Best I can do is provide the name I know them by (rexphilia) and describe what I can remember about their fanart. Which is, coincidentally enough, the thing that I wanted to reference in this post to begin with: Their skeledick design.

Rexphilia’s depiction of skeledick (both Papyrus’s and Sans’s) was black with white rib-like ridges that kind of remind me of the rib-like decor on the jacket of Ghost Lewis from Mystery Skulls Animated know that I’m actually reading that description and was that the inspiration for the design? Was Rexphilia a fan of MSA? Or am I remembering the placement/shape of the ridges wrong because I watched a video reviewing MSA earlier today? OH, CHEESE, I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT LEWIS’S GHOST DICK! NEXT PARAGRAPH! NEXT PARAGRAPH!

Reason Two: My memory capacity (or lack thereof).

Ok, so I could have sworn for the longest time that I had at one point read a fic where Sans had a black skeledick, sans the white stuff. I also could have sworn for the longest time that the fic in question was puppehgal’s oneshot “The After Show”. But rereading that fic’s description of skeledick leaves me...conflicted... Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a very interesting and unique depiction of skeledick (and skelebro anatomy in general) and the fic itself is still something I would readily recommend to fellow fans of Sans/Reader smut, despite not being tagged as such (it’s told through the perspective of an “Anonymous Human Female” who is referred to in the second person throughout), but this particular skeledick could be interpreted as a visually distinct variation of ectodick instead of a permadick, depending on how much control Sans has over that magical webbing. Since this is a oneshot of what is tagged as a One Night Stand, neither the human character experiencing all this nor the readers enjoying the written version have the context to know either way.

If everything had gone as planned, the Non-Bone Permadick section would have contained an accurate description of rexphilia’s depictions, links to fanart containing said depictions, and a linked mention of “The After Show” that isn’t wishy-washy on whether or not the skeledick presented in said fic is, in fact, a permanent feature of Sans’s anatomy. It would have been glorious.

Now for the fandom’s most prevalent version of skeledick: Ectogenitalia.

I���m not going to bother linking anything because there are so many fanfics and fanart with this particular type of skeledick, it would be kind of pointless. You probably know what I’m talking about, anyways, if you’re reading this post.

There’s a reason this option is the most popular: Depending on your personal interpretation, ectojunk can be a free pass to give the skelebros any type of genitalia their partner (or the content creator) desires. If ectojunk is naturally customizable and the skelebro attached to and/or summoning said ectojunk has sufficient control over his magic in intimate situations, he can have male parts, female parts, change the size and shape of said parts, move or alter said parts while maintaining a position or motion in which the movement or alteration of said parts would probably catch someone off-guard, and possibly, maybe, depending on who you ask, be detachable for long-distance use.

Unless you just want to experiment with other headcanons or aesthetics, color seems to be the only potential problem.

In most depictions, Papyrus’s ectowhatever is always orange and Sans’s is always blue, because these color schemes are the Commonly Accepted Fanon, but there are people who have other theories on what color the magic forming the skeledick ought to be.

This is totally fine. My dear friend @popatochisssp is one of those people and her smut is so delicious that I’ve praised it in three different NSFWednesdays and her reasoning for the magic color she uses totally fits with her headcanons concerning the skelebros and her portrayals of them in said fics.

But people that aren’t decided on their headcanons on what the color should be are left with uncertainty. Since I’m one of those people, I guess I’ll just avoid mentioning the color completely.

@ladyarkytiorofdunans

[robininthelabyrinth]

Fic: The Beginning of Wisdom - Chapter 13 (Ao3 link)

Fandom: Flash, Legends of Tomorrow Pairing: Leonard Snart (Len) & Leonard Snart (Leo), Len Snart/Mick Rory, Leo Snart/Mick Rory, Len Snart/Mick Rory/Leo Snart, Leo Snart/Ray Terrill, Len Snart/Barry Allen

Summary: In which Leonard Snart is twins.

(the life and times and loves of Len and Leo Snart)

—————————————————————————————————–

Leo did end up shipping the metas – sans Nimbus, who as predicted ended up trying to murder someone immediately after being released and who Len disposed of via applied cold gun and some minor philosophical deal-related disputes with Barry – to Paris as part of his tech crew, a situation absolutely none of them had any objection to.

Mick accompanied him to protect him and keep an eye on him, but his watchfulness was probably unnecessary – the whole lot of them were far too starry-eyed to make any real threats.

While they were on the plane, private and chartered because Leo needed all that space to carry all of his gowns and shoes and accessories, they even had a conversation that sealed the deal: apparently, it was their first visit to Paris. Or outside of the state borders at all, for that matter.

"It's a great city, you'll love it," Leo assured them.

"How do you do it?" Bivolo asked, playing with one of the tiny salt shakers he’d received along with his airplane meal. "Thief, supervillain and fashion designer..."

"I work a lot," Leo said. They had very much opted not to tell anyone else about themselves – Barry was an exception under the newly established 'want to date' rule. "Sometimes, it almost feels as if I'm in two places at once."

"You broke us out, and now you're giving us a trip to Paris and cover jobs that will pay us," Mardon said, sounding suspicious. "What's in all this for you?"

"Well, I always appreciate a thank you."

"So you've said," Baez said dryly, but for all her cynicism she'd been the most wide-eyed with wonder at the suggestion of Paris, and she couldn't stop fingering the sequined dress on the hanger next to her seat.

"Also, if you ever come back to Central City, you owe me one," Leo said. "I've got plans to give the Flash a real challenge with my very own Rogues Gallery."

"The Rogues," Bivolo said. "Nice. I like it."

"Feel free to say no, of course, but – would it be possible – I mean – just if it’s not a bother – but – I don’t know – could I try on one of the dresses?" Baez asked shyly. “Just once?”

"Not these ones, for risk of tearing, but if you like, I think I have a sample jumpsuit from last season you could probably fit into," Leo offered. "It has multiple points of light from built-in battery – I was doing a light-related superhero theme –"

"That would be amazing."

“I’ll give it to you to keep if you agree to pretend to be a scholarship art student that I’m sponsoring.”

Baez blinked. “Uh, sure. I mean, I was studying medicine, not art, but I can fake art, no problem. Why?”

“I’ve been dying to convince the tabloids that I’m cheating on my husband,” Leo said with a shrug. “It’s good free publicity, but they just won’t damn bite.”

“Can I volunteer for that job?” Bivolo asked, half-jokingly. “If I get an outfit out of it…”

“If you’re serious about that offer, I will happily trade couture outfits for tabloid fodder. Paris loves a scandal, and a bisexual one is even better.”

Leo conveyed the entire conversation to Len in text, complete with emojis, smug with the knowledge that he was entirely doing his part of this particular job.

Len rolled his eyes – he, for one, did not see the appeal of appearing in French tabloids as anything other than "Mysterious Man Disappears With Priceless Treasure" – but with the question of whether the metas would become violent settled, he was now satisfied that Leo would be just fine.

He knew very well that joining a fashion show wasn’t just fun and games and indulgence: Leo would run each one of the 'rescued' metas absolutely ragged until they had no time to think, and they'd thank him for the privilege.

Len, in the meantime, had other work to do.

"All right, Scarlet," he said, walking into STAR Labs. "Metas are all taken care of and Lisa, Mick and I are escorting them on their way out of the city already. In the meantime, what can I do to help with your evil speedster doctor?"

Sounded like a nightmare, put like that. Sure, it'd be a help to doing surgery, but the amount a doc like that could screw a guy up from the inside...

"Wait," Barry said. "Which 'I' are you?"

"The one standing in front of you," Len replied, with some amusement. "Obviously."

"No, I mean – you said 'Lisa, Mick, and I' when you were talking about – him."

Len shrugged. "It sounds less weird than saying Leonard Snart like I'm talking in third person."

Barry clearly had more questions.

"Maybe now isn't the time?" Len suggested. "After we beat your evil guy, you can come over and ask all the questions you like."

"Including about your crush?" Barry asked, trying for brazen but underselling it by blushing.

Len smirked. "Including that, yes."

"Okay," Barry said. "So the plan right now is that we’re going to set up an ambush for evil Wells, calling in all of our allies – you guys, us, our friends from Starling, Firestorm –"

“Firestorm?”

“Yeah, it’s two people who join together to light on fire; I’ll introduce you.”

“What is with all of these light-themed superheroes?” Len complains. “I feel like we’re starting to repeat on a theme.”

“Cold – Snart – Len. Focus.”

The plan to capture the bad guy, much to Len's surprise, actually worked.

He'd really been expecting something a little less, well, anti-climactic – it was the final boss battle! Surely –!

But nope. They all gathered up, they found the individual in question, they captured him.

Of course, once Wells (Thawne? Eobard?) was locked away, he sold the whole team a boatload of crap about saving Barry Allen's mother from being murdered via time travel, which would also conveniently allow him to go back to his own original time period, the existence of which he'd been using to justify murdering people in this time period.

Apparently people’s lives didn’t matter if they were historical figures?

Len’s not even trying to figure out that logic.

"Uh, no," Len said when Barry asked his opinion. "Obviously you shouldn't do it."

Barry blinked owlishly at him. "What?"

"...is that not the answer everyone has been giving you?"

"No," Barry said. "They all said they couldn't make the decision for me and it was up to me."

"Well, that's crap," Len said.

"Why shouldn't I do it, then?"

"I have a whole list," Len said. "Starting, first and foremost, with the fact that it's obviously a trap –"

"I don't think it is," Barry said. "He sincerely wants to go back to his time. It's what he's been building towards this entire time."

"Yes, about that," Len said. "Why is it that you're okay with illegally and indefinitely imprisoning people whose biggest crime is aiding and abetting Grade B theft – not even committing Grade B theft, just aiding and abetting – but somehow the multiple murderer that killed your mother gets freedom and everything he wants?"

"It's not that –"

"It really is, Scarlet."

"I have a chance to save my mother from being murdered, Snart!"

Len shrugged. He didn't expect the existence, or lack thereof, of one Nora Allen to affect his own life in the slightest – he never did interact much with people from the fancier suburbs other than steal from them, and Barry's family wasn't rich enough to interest him – so he didn't really have a dog in this race other than disliking the unsatisfactory narrative it created.

"How much of your life will you miss?" he asked instead.

"What?"

"Well," Len said. "You became a CSI because of what happened to your mom, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you lived with the pig and Iris, right?"

"His name is Joe, you know."

"Sure, Joe 'Pig' West –" Barry rolled his eyes. "– but that's not the point. Would you say he taught you anything? Excluding morality, of course; can't teach what you don't have."

"Of course he taught me stuff," Barry said, pointedly ignoring that last part. "He practically raised – oh. I think I see what you’re saying."

"Imagine a world without your friends," Len suggested. "Without your powers. Without your job. A world where you, yourself, are an entirely different person, because you don't have any of the memories that make you who you are – do you think Leo and I are the same person? Now that you've spent some time with us, I mean."

Barry blinked, clearly taken aback by the seeming non-sequitur. "No," he said. "Not at all, even though you make it confusing sometimes with the way you talk about yourselves. He's – uh – would it be weird to say that he's too nice to be you?"

Len tried to hide a smirk. "A bit of a misreading of his personality, but I get what you mean."

"No, I'm not saying it right," Barry said, shaking his head. "He's – I knew lots of people like him in school. Nice, friendly, and they'll forget about you the second you turn away. And understanding! Ugh, they're so understanding that you just want to scream – uh. Not Leo, I mean, just, you know –"

"I know," Len said. "School traumatizes us all in different ways. So we're not the same?"

"No," Barry said firmly. "Not at all. Leo's too, well, too nice; I could like him, but I probably wouldn't be friends with him – not proper ride-or-die friends –"

Leo wasn't ride-or-die for anyone but Len, Lisa, Mick, and maybe – maybe – Ray, so that was fair.

"And anyway, I don't like him the way I like –" Barry fell quiet and turned red.

Len grinned. "That's okay," he said. "I like you, too."

Barry turned even more red.

"But do you get the point I was trying to make?"

Barry blinked at him.

"Imagine a universe where there was just one of me," Len said. "And in that universe, there were a certain set of life experiences that would make me, me, and another set of life experiences that make Leo, Leo. But in that universe, there aren't two of us – there's just one. And what set of experiences I live makes me into either Len or Leo."

Barry nodded slowly. "So if I change my past –"

"You could go from being your own version of Len to being your own version of Leo."

"But I remember what happens when I time travel," Barry protested.

"So you'd be a Len in a Leo's world," Len said with a shrug. "Even worse: all your friends would expect you to act like someone who grew up with two loving parents, you'd never be able to be yourself or talk to anyone or explain your phobias, they'd think you'd gone crazy from the personality change –"

Barry shuddered. "What if my memories do change?"

"Then the person you are now is dead, and a new person gets the life you've always wanted," Len told him. "All this, of course, assuming that you saving your mom back when you were eleven doesn't remove your powers and strand you in the past, like, say, another interfering-in-the-proper-course-of-time speedster we know of..."

Barry winced.

"This is literally a no-win scenario, Scarlet," Len said firmly. "You do this, then the guy who ruined your life gets everything he's always wanted and you get either dead and replaced, stuck in a world that doesn't fit you, or stuck in the past. And all that's before your speedster buddy has enough time in the future to come back and try to kill you like he did the first time around –"

"I still have to try," Barry whispered. "I have to see her."

Len shrugged a second time and watched him go.

And then he picked up his cold gun and made his way towards STAR Labs.

He was familiar with this, after all; Leo also had trouble making the hard choices like this, the ones with loss and risk. Leo was good at emotions – Len was good at ruthlessness. He'd learned how to kill, over the years, watched it get easier and easier; he could do this for Barry, now.

Because as far as Len was concerned, this Eobard Thawne wasn't making his Back to the Future dream come true – even if Len had to ice the speedster himself to make sure of it.

"Snart?" Cisco asked, even as Joe put his hand on his gun. His partner-cop – who looked traumatized – and pretty little Iris were there, too, holding hands and looking exhausted. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to help," Len lied. "Didn't Barry tell you I was coming?"

Yes, he put a little stress on the word 'Barry'. Len fully acknowledged that he was an asshole like that.

"He must have forgotten," Caitlin said with a sigh. "I don't know what help you can offer, though; he's going to be making the attempt momentarily. He’s in the Particle Accelerator right now, with Wells – uh, Thawne – er, Eobard Thawne, he’s there, too, in his time ship."

"In that case, I'll just watch for now," Len said.

"Brave of you," Snow said. She was a lot snippier now that she wasn't being kidnapped.

"Why?" Len asked, frowning. "Is there a risk? Barry didn't mention."

They all exchanged glances.

"Tell me," Len demanded, his voice going hard. "Now."

"Well, it's probably not going to happen –"

"I didn't ask for your analysis," Len said. "Tell me the risk."

"We don't have to listen to you –" Caitlin started.

"If this goes wrong, it could open up a black hole," Cisco said all in a rush.

"Cisco!"

"What?! It's true! And he's scary!"

"Hold up," Len said, starting to get really angry now. As always, his voice remained steady and even, but despite that he thought that they might have gotten the idea, because everyone in the room exchanged alarmed looks. "Are you telling me that Scarlet is doing something that might help his own life personally, even knowing at the risk of putting everyone else on earth in danger?"

"It's not like that!" Iris exclaimed.

"Uh," Cisco said.

"The chance is miniscule, right?" Joe asked. His hand was on his gun again, and he was glaring at Len like he thought it might solve all his problems to shoot him now.

Typical pig.

He'd better not even think the phrase "officer involved" shootings, because Len could outdraw him any day.

"Yeah, super small," Cisco said hastily, looking relieved. "Really, really small."

"Tell me," Len said. His voice is still very even. "Greater or smaller chance of the Accelerator blowing up the first time it turned on? No, wait, of the Accelerator blowing up – due to intentional sabotage - because of the identity theft of the creator - by a time-traveller with super powers - for the specific purpose of giving someone else a specific set of superpowers – so that he could use him as a living battery in his souped-up Mandalorian?!"

"It's a time bubble ship," Cisco muttered, but his face had gone pale.

"We're not talking about that," Len snapped. "Tell me, what are the chances of that, which we all know actually happened, compared to Barry literally destroying the world in a fit of selfish assholery?"

"You don't –" Joe started.

"Shut up, hypocritical pig," Len said harshly. "No one wants to hear your opinion."

Joe puffed up. Predictable.

"Has Barry reported you yet?" Len asked before Joe had a chance to start yelling.

Sure enough, that stopped Joe flat.

"What?" the partner-cop asked. "Report Joe for what?"

"Illegal imprisonment without a trial or a warrant," Len said. "Human trafficking, at least attempted. Conspiracy to hide an ongoing crime from the police – should I go on?"

Joe's face flushed.

"But –" Partner-cop started, then he stopped, clearly reviewing. "Under the circumstances –"

"No man's above the law," Len said. "Barry agreed to report you to somebody up your chain as part of our little deal. Might not do anything, what with the CCPD's usual lax standards, but at least it'll be down on paper forever that you did it. You do remember that, right, the whole incident that happened within the last 24 hours or so, where a convicted criminal had to free the prisoners you were keeping here – in solitary confinement, I hear – torture –"

"We didn't torture them!" Cisco exclaimed.

"You know solitary confinement with no exercise is literally torture, right?" Len asked him.

Cisco flushed.

"You're all as criminal as I am; you’re just too self-righteous to admit it," Len said, rolling his eyes. "But we can deal with that later. Where – ah, there."

He marched up to the microphone, with no one stopping him. "Barry Allen," he said harshly. "You had better stop what you're doing right now –"

"It's too late," Cisco said. "I'm sorry. He's already running too fast for him to hear you."

Len snarled soundlessly. "Well," he said. His voice was still steady, he was pleased to note, no matter how ticked he was getting. "Who's going to show me to the Accelerator so that I can slow him down?"

He put his hand on his cold gun.

Silence for a long moment.

"I will," Iris finally said.

"Iris, no!" Joe exclaimed.

"Shut up, Dad," she snapped. She seemed extremely angry, though her eyes with a bit glassy with tears. "I was willing to forgive you for lying to me about the whole Flash thing for months, but I never thought – I never – I wouldn't – damnit, Dad, this is bullshit, and moreover, this is bullshit you should have told me about." She glared at all of them. "You all should have known better."

With that, she turned and walked out.

Len followed.

"I'm going to forgive them eventually," Iris said conversationally when they got to the end of the hallway. "So don't think you can use this against me."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Len said. "Don't actually care about you all that much, to be honest."

She snorted. "Thanks," she said, but she sounded sincere. "That makes you the only person who didn't immediately decide that you could make decisions on my behalf."

"Including Barry?"

"Oh, definitely including Barry," she said. "He wanted to tell me, but Dad made him promise not to because knowing might 'put me in danger'."

"More or less danger than he was allowing his foster kid to get into actually fighting as a vigilante?"

"Don't get me started on the misogyny of it all," Iris said. "I'm well aware of it. And I'm still angry at him. And at Barry."

"I'm pissed at him, too," Len agreed. "He didn't tell me all the risks of this process or I would've tied him up and kept him away."

"Speedsters can vibrate through rope, you know; that's why we kept Wells in the Accelerator."

"I'd find a way," Len said. "He's enough of an idiot that something could be devised."

"I feel like I shouldn't be agreeing with you," Iris mused. "But yeah, Barry kind of is an idiot sometimes."

"I can't believe I'm going to sleep with him," Len agreed. He rather liked that meme; he'd never thought he'd have a chance to use it in real life.

"Yeah, I – wait, what?"

"As soon as this is over," Len said. He still liked Barry, after all. Len acknowledged he was being something of an idiot, continuing to like Barry despite it all, but he didn’t let people into his heart easily – and once he did, he was stuck. Just like he was stuck now. "Assuming he doesn't destroy the world, of course."

Iris had a hilarious expression on her face.

Then, a moment later, she started laughing. “You know what,” she said. “You know what? Good for Barry. You’re really hot. You may even be hotter than Oliver Queen.”

“I’m cool, not hot,” Len said, waving his gun in the air a bit. “Though I agree with the second half of your statement.”

“That you’re hotter than Oliver Queen?”

“I hear he’s a cold fish,” Len said in his best deadpan.

Iris started laughing almost right away, which meant she got the joke. “That’s awful,” she giggled. “He just got rescued from his boat accident –”

“It’s been years.”

“Still. Too soon.”

“You assume I care.”

Iris shook her head. “Go and stop our lovable idiot, why don't you,” she said, nodding at the doorway.

Len looked at it – there were sparks visible around the sides – and pulled out a handgun with his free hand, offering it to Iris. “Know how to use this?”

“Cop kid,” Iris said, accepting it and checking it expertly. “Of course I do. But why..?”

“I was a cop kid, too,” Len said. “It doesn’t mean crap. You can be my back-up.”

Iris blinked. “Me? But – Barry –”

“I’m going to try to stop Barry from breaking time with his run,” Len said. “How do you think ol’ Eobard’s going to feel about that? Remember, he’s in there, too.”

Her face settles into a grimly determined expression. “Got it.”

[starwrite-er]

Poster Boy [Chapter 21] - Poe Dameron x Reader

A/N: so like... this fic is maybe kinda diverging from how they located Lor San Tekka in the comics since they’re ongoing and like the entire process of finding him hasnt yet been revealed? I’ll sort out the timeline further when I start working on the companion fic.

Tag List: @firefeatherx @plethora-of-things @britishteahater @umbrellabrass @purple-skeleton @winchesterandpie @the-creative-lie @i-alrightokaycool @definitely-nota-fangirl @purelittleblueberry @gemmielii

Two missions had been followed through in relation to the search for the ‘Jedi-sympathiser’. While they worked to narrow the potential area, they turned up little. The third team had left a few days ago, and was due to return today. Any news they brought with them would be welcome.

It had been nearly two weeks since the wedding between Hyadum and Jenn. Nearly two weeks since the incident with Poe. What happened was in the spur of the moment and impulsive.

Unsurprisingly, the traits shared with the occurrence are so very in our nature.

The issue was that the kiss didn’t solve anything. Poe and I live dangerous lives. The stakes are always high. Acknowledging the feelings we have is one thing, but actually acting on those feelings? The risks that came with such attachment are too much for even us.

If what we felt was true, then trying to avoid the obvious would cause trouble, yet still we left behind our habits. No more kisses on cheeks, no more hand holding. I started subconsciously avoiding him. Truth be told, it wasn’t helping. Instead, it left me with a feeling of hollow confusion.

I sigh as I sit on the duracrete of the hangar, choosing to take a break from working on my X-Wing. Noticing my mood, BB-09 bumps into my leg, beeping encouragements.

“Y/N, there you are!” I turn to see Karé Kun calling to me, Jess beside her. “You’re wanted in the Command Centre.”

“What’s happening?” I ask, standing up. I was close with Jess, but didn’t really interact with Karé as much.

“The Jakku scouting mission just got back,” Jess tells me as I catch up with the pair and we begin to head off. My astromech, rolling alongside us, gives a series of beeps and chirps direct at Jess, who shoot a look at the droid. “Yeah, they’ve got news, ‘09 - and will you ever stop calling me ‘The Great Destroyer’?” BB-09 responds with a whir of dissent.

Inside the Command Centre, there is already a number of people gathered. I take my place standing around the central table, across from Poe. Our gazes meet, but we just nod in acknowledgement of each other.

“I believe that’s everyone,” General Organa speaks up, eyes scanning over those in the room. Huh, it’s not that many. “In that case, let’s begin.”

“As you all probably know, myself, Kat, and Teditt just returned from a reconnaissance mission. We were scouting Jakku, and what we found has lead us to believe we may have found the individual with the map to Skywalker,” Curint announces. “We were surveying the Kelvin Ravine when we stopped in a small village to replenish our water supplies. The colony was called Tuanul, a settlement populated by members of the Church of the Force.”

“Were you able to identify the one in possession of the map?” General Organa questions, seeming to already know the answer.

“A human man recognised us as being members of the Resistance. He said his name was Lor San Tekka.” Kat tells her. The General nods.

“That’s who we’re looking for,” She says before addressing Poe. “Poe, I believe it’s time for you to reveal the details of the classified missions I sent you on.”

The Commander nods slowly as he begins. “The General already was suspicious that the First Order was looking for Lor San Tekka, the one with the map, after a mission where intel was pulled from the ship Hevurion Grace. After the obtainment of this information followed a number of classified missions,” From across the table, Poe gives me a look, one almost guilty. “Missions carried out by the Black Squadron. A while back, we went to the planet Ovanis. The mission was rough, but the Crèche people told me where they believed Lor San Tekka went. We followed the information up, taking us to the prison planet Megalox Beta.”

“The Crèche told me Grakkus the Hutt was the guy our man Lor visited next. The Black Squadron broke him out, and he gave us a list of locations. I went with C-3PO and Oddy Muva to Kaddak, but the First Order official Tarak ambushed us. That was the mission that L’ulo died on. Oddy went missing, and when we found him, he also died fighting the First Order,” Poe pauses, swallowing thickly. These were close friends he’d lost. “C-3PO had been monitoring the list Grakkus gave us, and lead to one of our most recent missions, taking us to Cato Neimoidia. Alongside the General, we found Lor San Tekka and busted him out of holding.”

“He made passage to Jakku, which is why our most recently issued mission was reconnaissance on said planet.” General Organa finishes. It’s quiet in the Command Centre as everyone process the information. I pinch the bridge of my nose, squeezing my eyes closed for a moment, mulling over everything I didn’t know.

“Wait, so... how does the work the rest of us were doing fit in?” I question, gesturing to the others around the table.

“Every mission counts in helping us gain the advantage over the First Order.” The General answers. She looks me in the eye, and I realise there is more she wants to say but she can’t do here. She’s an intuitive woman, she knows what it is I want to know, and I want to know the purpose of the missions I had been sent on.

“What’s the plan now?” Snap asks, leaning on the table, watching our General intently.

“Commander Dameron will leave for Tuanal on Jakku in a week. He will be the one to retrieve the map,” General Organa announces. I almost laugh, and Poe’s gaze flickers over to me, catching the ghost of a smile on my face. Just a few weeks ago, didn’t I say he would be the one chosen for this mission? “Those directly involved in this coming retrieval will be briefed in the coming days. Unless anyone has anything else to say, you’re dismissed.”

There’s a ripple of murmurs about the mission, but quickly enough the majority of those gathered begin to filter out of the Command Centre, myself amongst them, not necessarily keen on sticking around at the given moment. I’m a fair way down the corridor when someone calls my name.

“Y/N, wait!” It’s Poe. “We need to talk.”

“About what?” I reply shortly. Poe takes a moment, looking for the words.

“Stars, where do we even start?” He mutters, running a hand through his hair. Now that the nature of his missions has been revealed, I’m seeing everything he does in a new light, and I’m beginning to look past the front he put up to hide his stress.

“That’s up to you, flyboy.” I say, arms crossed. Poe seems taken slightly aback by my tone. Truth be told, I’m not entire sure why I feel so riled up by it all, but I figure it’s due to the reveal of these classified missions and the, ah, unfinished business between us.

“Is this about the missions? Y/N, listen, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about them. I trust you, and I’m sorry if I hurt you-“ Poe starts apologising to me.

“You know what, Poe?” I cut him off. “I am. I am hurt. I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me, but I will not have you apologise for it. The details of those missions were classified, even to your team members. You were just doing your job, helping the Resistance, and I have no actual reason to be upset or angry. Don’t apologise - you have no reason to.”

There’s a momentary pause. I sigh, and continue, my tone now much softer. “I- I thought I knew you better. I thought I would have noticed the stress you were under, and I feel bad because I didn’t. I was so absorbed in my own world that I completely missed it. I’m honestly not bothered by you keeping the missions away from me - I understand that telling me would have just added to everything else you were dealing with - but you can talk to me, y’know? You don’t have to tell me exactly what’s going on, but you can talk to me.”

Poe stares at me for a moment before pulling me into a tight hug. I’m quick to return the embrace as he buries his head into the juncture between my neck and my shoulder.

“You were my first choice of pilot to come with me to Kaddak, you know. Even if you aren’t in the Black Squadron,” Poe mumbles. “I couldn’t risk you like that, though. The mission was sensitive enough already.”

“Poe, when Terex ambushed you on the way back to base, stars, they didn’t even tell me. I was off-world when L’ulo died,” I tell him, guilty that I wasn’t there to give the veteran pilot a send off. “You could have died, too, and I’m only just finding out about this mission.”

“I had BB-8 send a message back to base in case I died, but there was no way I actually would have,” Poe says. I pull back from the embrace and give him what must be an almost horrified look, since he immediately looks sheepish as he realises I didn’t know about BB-8’s message. “I have too much I still need to do before I die, and I promised myself I’d tell you everything.”

“And is that everything?” I ask him. He hesitates, and I sigh.

“No. No, it’s not everything, but it’s most of it, I swear,” Poe tells me, looking me in the eye. “But we do need to talk about one more thing. The other day, we-“

“Yeah, I know. I know,” I sigh, rubbing my face. “Poe, listen, I don’t regret kissing you, but I don’t know if this is the best idea.”

“What do you mean?” Poe asks slowly, cautiously, his hands on my shoulders as he searches my face.

“I mean, you’d just gotten back from what I assume was a dangerous mission, and we’d just attended a wedding. How- how do we know we weren’t just riding the aftermath of that?” I say, grasping for straws. I try not to focus on the hurt in his eyes, but it’s hard when I’m also hurting myself. “And even if we weren’t, is it really worth the distraction? When we’re out there flying and fighting together, it’s not only unfair on everyone, ourselves included, if we start paying too much attention to each other, but it’s also dangerous.”

“Karé broke up with Snap for the same reason,” Poe says, almost quietly. “If anything, that made it worse for them.”

“I know, I just...” I falter in my words. “I don’t know if I can do it, and I’m sorry. You deserve better than this situation.”

Poe nods slowly, processing, acknowledging what I’ve had to say. He drops his hands and straightens up. He steels his expression, and I hate this ficconversation.

“Don’t worry about it. You don’t need to apologise,” He flashes me a brief smile, a quick attempt to reassure me. “I’ll see you around base, okay?”

As I watch him go, every step he takes I find myself loathing what I’ve said even more.