#also baby please sit down you’re gonna get hereditaried

[thatgoddamngingerundercut]

daechwita

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Memories

Summary: When Dean discovers the reader has abilities she’s never told him about, he breaks things off. But when she wanders back into the Winchester’s lives a year later, he starts to realize there’s more to the situation than just a few lies...

Pairing: Dean x reader

Square: Case Fic

Word Count: 8,000ish

Warnings: language, angst, mentioned past abuse/violence, angst, sprinkle of fluff

A/N: Also written for @spndeanbingo​​

_____

Exactly three years and twenty two days after meeting the Winchesters it happened. Two and a half years of dating Dean. Countless nights in motel rooms, in the bunker, on hunts. Cuts, stitches, laughs. Colds and fevers. Being worried sick over one another and nearly dying for each other more than once.

You finally did it.

Dean saw it.

And he was so angry you didn’t even know how to respond.

You didn’t even say a word as he threw a pair of special cuffs on you. You didn’t mention how you weren’t a demon and the cuffs were useless on you. You didn’t put up a fight when you were sat down in the backseat and he drove the two of you back to the bunker.

You were quiet as you got out of the car, Dean not even saying a word as you headed straight for the dungeon without being told. He slammed the door shut after you as you sighed. You took a seat in the chair and slipped out of the cuffs with a little effort, the door opening not long after.

“How did you do that? The cuffs. You’re a demon,” said Dean as he walked straight over to you. 

“I’m not a demon,” you said. “You know it’s me, Y/N. Just-”

“What the hell are you,” he said, narrowing his eyes at you, his hand reaching behind his back and pulling out an angel blade.

“I’m human. I just…” you trailed off as you looked at your lap.

“Just what,” he said, grabbing your chin and lifting your head up.

“Do not treat me like I’m some monster. I saved your life two hours ago. You would be dead if I hadn’t done that. Do not treat me like the bad guy,” you said. He dropped his hand and you saw him hold up the blade.

“Talk.”

“I have certain...abilities,” you said. “One’s I haven’t used in years.”

“So you’ve been lying to me for years then, hm?” he said. 

“It’s not the abilities that pisses you off. It’s that I never told you, isn’t it,” you said. Dean cleared his throat and started to walk away, shoving the blade in his back pocket before he returned with crossed arms. “Dean-”

“You saved me, you get a pass. You have ten minutes to load up your stuff and leave,” he said.

“Dean. I-”

“This isn’t a white lie, Y/N,” he snapped, his face hard as you stood up. “This...this is whatever trust we had being over. If I can’t trust you, I can’t be near you. It’s that simple.”

“I never intended to use those abilities ever again. It’s not something hereditary. It would never have been of any consequence to anyone. I’m human. I didn’t tell you-”

“You didn’t tell me. I told you so much shit,” he said, the hard exterior starting to crack. “I told you about hell. About all the shit I did to souls. About the shit that was done to me. I never told anyone that. No one. That’s just one thing. I told you all of it. Every goddamn second and you...you…”

“It’s a very long story,” you said quietly. “A very long and horrible story that I was too scared to ever tell you. So I lied. I lied about a lot.”

“I don’t even know you,” he said. You reached out to grab his hand but he stepped away.

“Dean, I’m not gonna hurt you,” you said, trying to make your voice as soft as possible.

“You already did,” he said dryly, closing his eyes. “Please go. Don’t come back.”

“I-”

“I’m going out. Be gone by the time I get back.”

One Year Later

“Dean, we got another one,” said Sam. You lifted your head wearily, blinking your eyes open to spot Sam looking down at you. “Y/N?”

“‘ammy,” you mumbled, shutting your eyes again. Within a few seconds you were lifted up in his strong arms. You were drifting in and out, suddenly in the backseat of Baby and then in the infirmary in the bunker. After a little while you opened your eyes and sat up, feeling a bandage on your head. You swung your legs over the side of the bed and stood, immediately plopping back down.

“Sit,” said Dean. You looked behind yourself, Dean standing at a table, most of the lights in the room dimmed down. He spun around with a bowl in his hands and a tray of supplies. You recognized the needle and he was ripping off the gauze and stitching up your forehead before you knew it.

You hissed and he said nothing.

“Cas should be back in the morning. He can heal you then,” he said.

He worked quietly for a few minutes, new gauze stuck on your head when he was finished. He quickly left and hit off the light. You sat there until you heard footsteps, Sam poking his head in and carrying a tray with grilled cheese and tomato soup.

“Hey,” he said, setting it down on the nightstand.

“Hi, Sam,” you said.

“You were out most of the day. I thought you might be hungry,” he said.

“Thank you,” you said.

“Where did you go? You were here and then one day, you were gone. It’s not like you to screw up a hunt like that either.”

“I broke Dean’s trust,” you said. 

“There’s more to it than that,” he said.

“I’m a monster,” you said, laughing dryly when Sam stared at you. “I’m human but I’m a monster.”

“You’re one of the kindest people I know,” said Sam.

“I should go,” you said as you got to your feet. You took a leery step forward and another, Sam grabbing your hand.

“Y/N. What’s going on? You’re not a monster,” he said.

“Yes, I am. Thank you for trying to save me, Sam. But you can’t,” you said. You shrugged out of his grip and took a deep breath. You wound up outside of the bunker, by the bottom of the hill. Your head was spinning but you had enough head start that he wouldn’t find you.

You were staring at the river’s water when you heard a branch snap behind you and a flashlight light up the ground nearby.

“Not a very good hiding spot,” said Dean.

“I thought it was,” you said, closing your eyes, resting your chin on your knees again. “I’m too tired to fight Dean.”

“Good. It means I’ll win then,” he said. He stood next to you, clicking off the flashlight. “You told me about this spot, you know.”

“Once I told you.”

“I used to listen to you,” he said. 

“I don’t care about a scar on my forehead, Dean,” you said. “I’m not going back.”

“Rookie move getting caught on a hunt like that,” he said. “I thought you had super powers.”

“There’s a cost to using them,” you said quietly.

“You never said that before.”

“It doesn’t matter,” you said.

“What does it cost?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” you whispered.

“Your soul?” he asked.

“No,” you said. “The only thing it ever cost me was you. I’m still a monster and a liar. Using them just reminds me of that.”

“Sammy mentioned you look ill,” said Dean. “I thought you looked scared.”

“You’d be doing me a favor by using that angel blade on me at this point,” you said.

“I’ve never wanted to kill you. I’m not going to kill you. You broke us was all,” he said.

“Yes. I did. So why are you here?” you asked.

“I heard there was a long and horrible story, that it might help me understand,” he said.

“No,” you said. He bumped your shoulder and you looked over at him. He stared and swallowed, glancing out at the water.

“Why not?” he asked.

“The time for that was a year ago. You didn’t want to hear it and I respected that. Respect my decision,” you said.

“Alright,” he said, sliding his hand into your coat pocket. You reached inside and felt the ball shape, narrowing your eyes. “Hex bag. You’re coming back with me.”

“First you tell me to go away. Now you make me come back. Take it out and let me leave, Dean,” you said.

“Not without that story. It’s a dick move, trust me, I know,” he said. You plucked out the hex bag and held it in your hand. It burned up in your hand, Dean wide eyed for a moment. “How…”

“Just let me run away. I won’t bother you ever again,” you said as you walked past him. His hand caught your arm and you closed your eyes, Dean gasping behind you. You heard him fall over as you looked back, his hands tied in front of him along with his feet.

“What…” he asked.

“You can’t get out of that, Dean. It’s the same stuff they use in Hell. When I’m away, I’ll remove it,” you said. You started to walk away and you slapped a piece of the material over his mouth when he shouted. “I’m sorry. It’s for-”

You felt yourself get tackled on the ground, your head knocking back against the paved path. 

“Sammy, don’t hurt her,” Dean said and you glanced over, your hold on him gone as he stood up. You tried to push the two of them away but your head hurt too much. You put your hands on it and curled up in a ball. “Call Cas. Tell him we need him home. Now.”

“Morning sunshine,” said Dean as you flickered open your eyes. You looked around, in a dimly lit old room. You touched your head and sat up, Dean setting down his book at the desk. “Cas healed you up. He said your head was looking like a smoothie in there.”

“Felt like it,” you said.

“You should have died like, back at that house on the hunt,” said Dean.

“I know,” you said.

“Apparently you have a ‘dark energy’ about you,” said Dean.

“Yet I’m not in the dungeon...or the bunker,” you said. Dean sighed and looked over your head, your gaze going up to the ceiling. “What is that?”

“Bit of a pain in the ass for me,” said Dean. “We don’t know what you are and that little trick by the river was pretty impressive but that sigil? Anyone with that symbol carved in them ain’t leaving a one mile square area. Two man minimum.”

“You’re holding me here,” you said.

“In this cabin and the surrounding area. I can’t leave either. Not until that gets removed and Cas is the only one that can undo it,” said Dean. 

“I can make you undo it,” you said. You stared him down, Dean frowning when he saw you tie his hands together in front of him. 

“Go ahead and do that. But I literally can’t undo it. We’re both stuck and Sam and Cas aren’t coming back unless it’s an emergency,” said Dean. You got up from the bed and went down a short hall, Dean following you and out through a front door. The air was chilly and you saw the sun was barely up. You walked and walked and walked until suddenly you bounced off of something. You put a hand against it, Dean sighing behind you. “Unless you’re God level powerful, you ain’t getting out.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me. Let me go,” you snapped. Dean held up his hands and you sighed, releasing him before you started to walk around.

“Y/N. Cas carved it into our bones. Rowena put the spell up. We are as stuck here as the day is long,” said Dean. 

“You can’t make me go back inside,” you said as you sat down and leaned back against the invisible wall. 

“I think you’re lying to me again. Something is wrong and you know it. You look sick. You’re weak. You-”

“Go away before I shut your mouth for you,” you said. He nodded and left, going back into the cabin. You sighed and wrapped your arms around your knees. “Castiel if you can hear me, come and take this off of me. Please. I just want to be left alone.”

One Week Later

“What do you want for dinner?” asked Dean as you stared out the window. It’d been raining all day. The cabin was nice and clean, modern and nice. The bathrooms were spa like and you seemed to somehow have internet all the way out in the middle of nowhere.

It would have been a great and peaceful vacation spot if there wasn’t the overwhelming threat in the air that you couldn’t leave.

“Y/N?” asked Dean.

“Whatever you want is fine,” you said quietly, watching the water roll down the panes. Dean walked over and handed you a blanket, running his hand over your head. “You will never get me to talk, Dean.”

“I was angry and I think we both know I had a right to be. But I think we both know I should have given you a chance to explain yourself and I didn’t. We both screwed up. When you’re ready to talk, we will. Until then...we can stay here and learn to be friends again. You’re safe here. You can try to recover from whatever it is that is running you down.”

“You stuck me here so I can’t go on a hunt,” you said. “Didn’t you.”

“That was part of it,” said Dean. 

“I’m not weak.”

“You can kick my ass all on your own. With these abilities you have? Pretty sure you win every time without lifting a finger,” he said. “Maybe you’re strong, way stronger than I’ve ever been. But you are sick. I can see it all over your face. You can recover here until we figure out what to do next.”

“I know what to do next but you won’t let me leave,” you growled. 

“This isn’t up for debate.”

You turned your head, Dean shoving your arm after a few seconds. He pointed at the tie over his mouth and you shrugged.

“You speaking isn’t up for debate,” you said. He rolled his eyes and went back to the kitchen, starting to move some pots around.

An hour later he shoved your arm again.

“What?” you said. Dean pointed at the food on two plates. You stood up and went to the table, sitting down and digging in. Dean took a seat across from you, grunting. You slurped down your pasta and stared at him. He scratched at the tie and you went back to eating, his eyes widening for a moment. “It’s not fun having someone control you, is it? Enjoy your Red Special.”

He narrowed his eyes and stood up, going to the bedroom he’d been using and slamming the door shut. 

After fifteen minutes and a few washed pots later, you went to the room, Dean sitting on the floor, his eyes red and puffy.

“Fuck, Dean,” you said, removing the tie and kneeling down. He wiped his hand over his face. “I’m sorry. I-”

“Red Special,” said Dean. “Red Special. That’s the first step in a Red Special and you know that. I told you all about Hell but I never told you the names of certain things so how the fuck do you know the name of it?”

You got up and tried to leave, Dean on his feet and grabbing your wrist quickly.

“Tell me. You owe me for that just now,” he said.

“Because I’ve gone through a Red Special before too,” you whispered. You shut your eyes and felt Dean’s hands on your shoulders, guiding you back into his room. He sat you down on the bed and told you not to move. He left for a few minutes before you opened your eyes, Dean returning with a sandwich and glass of water for himself. He shut the door and sat down at the head of the mattress, eating quietly as you sighed.

“You went to Hell?” he eventually asked.

“No.”

“...You had to. There’s no way you could survive-”

“I don’t want to tell you, Dean. Don’t make me tell you,” you said. He leaned over and took your hand, lacing your fingers together. You swallowed and shut your eyes.

“Were you...were you going to…” he trailed off as you shook your head.

“No. I could never do that to you. I shouldn’t have done what I did. My head just...it gets dark sometimes. It gets dark more often. The longer we stay here, the bigger the odds that I end up hurting you,” you said.

“Do you think it’s these abilities making that happen?” he asked.

“I know it is,” you said, a crack of thunder overhead.

“Then let’s try to take it away. Bare minimum information. Tell me and Sam and Cas the bare minimum you think we need to know and we’ll save the story for someday later,” said Dean. “I promise.”

Your whole body shuddered and he gave you a smile.

“S’okay. It’ll be okay,” said Dean. 

“The torturer’s curse,” you said quietly. Dean tilted his head at you and you gave his hand a squeeze. “It’s called the torturer’s curse. There’s no way to remove it.”

“We’ll find a way. We always do.”

Three Weeks Later

“Hi guys,” you said as Sam, Cas and Rowena walked into the cabin. “I made cookies earlier if you want some.”

“Maybe later. Let’s see if we can get you feeling better first,” said Sam.

“Did you bring the cuffs?” you asked.

“One pair of demonic, witch and curse proof cuffs,” said Cas, pulling them from his pocket. You nodded and tried to relax, shaking your head after a moment. Cas put them on and you saw Dean leave his bedroom, shaking his arms out. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah. I pissed her off this morning so you know, been fun around here today,” said Dean.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

“Hey,” he said gently. “We’re gonna get you fixed up and you won’t be feeling any of this bad crap anymore.”

“I hope not,” you said. You took a seat at the table, Rowena and Sam moving around and setting things up. You had to give them some of your blood, the second it was in the bowl your whole body starting to buzz. “Hurry. It doesn’t like that.”

Rowenna threw something in the bowl and a puff of smoke appeared. She said a few words and then looked at you.

“Well?” she asked.

“I don’t feel any…” you said, quickly closing your eyes, everything off. You fell over, passing out for a few seconds.

“Hey, Y/N,” said Dean, shaking your shoulder as you woke up. Your whole body felt lighter. You tried to do something you could before, anything, but none of it seemed to work.

“Hey,” you smiled, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. “I’m okay. I’m okay.”

Cas put a hand on your head and nodded.

“I don’t sense the energy in her anymore,” he said.

“It’s gone?” asked Dean. You nodded and let out a laugh.

“It’s gone. It’s gone,” you said as they helped you sit up.

“How did you get a curse like that in the first place? That’s very, very dark magic,” said Rowenna as Sam took off your cuffs.

“It was a unique situation. It won’t happen again.”

“She won’t talk about what happened,” said Sam that night in the bunker. You were laying in your old bed, the boys talking in hushed whispers outside your room.

“I’m not pushing her. This curse was fucking with her head for a while and she’s had it who knows how long and she needs a little peace and quiet,” said Dean.

“Dean. The curse she had is not normal. It is old. The book we found the cure in...they only use the curse in something called a Hellscape. No one’s ever seen it in action. How the hell did she get it?” 

“I’m guessing she’s been to someplace called Hellscape then, genius. Lay off. She feels like shit. Go find a nice easy hunt for us or something,” said Dean. You heard the door open after a moment and Dean enter, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Need anything sweetheart?”

“Do you ever wish you never existed?” you asked. You felt him move around behind you and lay down, warm arms pulling you into an embrace. “That’s not an answer.”

“Maybe I used to, on bad days sometimes,” he said. “I’m glad you’re here though.”

“I’m not sure what the point is,” you said.

“Of life?” he asked as you nodded. “I think you try to leave this place better than you found it.”

“I don’t think that’s why I’m here,” you said.

“Why do you think you are then?” 

“To be miserable,” you said quietly. “A vast majority of my life has been a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. Then I got out of it when I found you guys and then I fucked that up and I’m back in the nightmare.”

“You’re not,” said Dean, resting his head against your back. “You’re not, I swear.”

“Maybe someday I’ll believe that,” you said as you shut your eyes.

“Y/N. Whatever you’re not telling me...it’s okay. I know it’s big. I’ll be here if you ever decide you want to share it. If not, that’s okay too,” he said.

“Thank you, Dean.”

“Hey,” said Sam the next morning at breakfast. “I found a hunt in Norfolk. It looks like a simple demon hunt if you guys want in.”

“Yeah that sounds good,” said Dean as you nodded. You went back to your eggs, closing your eyes. “You okay, sweetheart?”

“Never better.”

“I think it’s that gym teacher. I had a bad feeling about him,” said Sam in the motel later that day. “No demon though.”

“Him and that assistant coach are weirdos,” said Dean. “You see the way they were looking at Y/N?”

“They’re not the person you’re looking for,” you said as you changed out of your fed suit, Sam quickly turning away. 

“How do you know that?” asked Dean. You sighed and slipped on some jeans and t shirt, plopping down on the bed. “Y/N.”

“Because this is my hometown,” you said. They looked at one another and scrunched up their faces. “I’m not from where I said I was. I lied about a lot. I get it. I went to high school with those guys, that’s why they were looking at me like that.”

“Well it has to be a teacher,” said Sam.

“No it doesn’t. It isn’t. I know exactly who it is,” you said, going to your bag and shoving your gun in your jeans.

“Care to share with the class?” asked Dean. 

“It’s my dad.”

“Your what?” he asked. “Your dad is dead.”

“A lie. My mom is but not him.”

“So a demon didn’t kill your parents?” asked Sam. “Or just your mom?”

“I killed my mom,” you said. Both of them shared a look, Dean looking you up and down. “I had my reasons.”

“Y/N,” said Dean, shaking his head. “Ignoring that bombshell, how do you know it’s your dad?”

“He’s the most evil thing in this town,” you said. 

“They didn’t...you know,” said Sam.

“Hurt me? Oh, I wish all they’d done to me was hurt me,” you said. Sam swallowed and you saw Dean nod. 

“Sammy. Go grab some dinner for us. Please,” said Dean. Sam excused himself but you knew Dean only did it for your benefit. “I’m starting to get the picture.”

“What picture is that.”

“Abusive parents with a kid that ends up having a horrible dark curse on them? I have a feeling you didn’t get that from your hunting days,” he said.

“I’ve had it since I was sixteen. I didn’t turn it on until I used an ability for the first time at eighteen when I got out of here for good. Every time I use them, the darker it got,” you said.

“Your dad do that to you?” he asked. “Curse you?”

“Indirectly. You know who gave me the actual curse,” you said. Dean tilted his head. “Alistair.”

You saw his face go white and you nodded.

“Alistair...you knew…” said Dean.

“I knew him before you did. My parents used to call him Ali when I was little,” you said.

“What?” breathed out Dean. “Don’t tell me...tell me he didn’t go near you as a child. Tell me that psychopath wasn’t near you as a kid.”

“I could but it’d be a lie,” you said. He sat down on the bed and ran his hand over his mouth. “It’s my dad that killed those two girls. I know it. Let’s just go deal with him and move on.”

“We are not ending the conversation there. Alistair? That’s-“

“Minimum information,” you said. “I already told you more than enough.”

“Y/N-“

“You of all people can understand why I don’t want to talk about that.”

“I talked about it,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t want to and I did and you know what? After I did, I felt a little better. I trusted you enough to tell you.”

“Dean,” you said, pacing around the room. “It’s not a trust thing. I’ve never told anyone and if you ever find out the whole truth, not the scraps you know, you’ll never look at me the same. I know I’m broken but you didn’t make me feel like it. You guys never did and I know you’ll see what I really am if you ever hear the truth. I’m sorry but I can’t go through that.”

“So you think I was broken?” asked Dean. You rolled your eyes and he stood up. “Did you lie about that too?”

“Go fuck yourself, Dean,” you said, grabbing your backpack. “I never lied about anything like that. You know what? Thanks for everything but I’m gone.”

You stormed out of there, Dean barely getting to the door by the time you were down the block.

Four Hours Later

“Ouch,” you said as you groaned awake. You were cold and your body instantly recognized the chill. You sat upright, the air leaving your lungs. 

It took a moment to realize you were panicking, breaths coming in little sharp jagged beats. 

“Y/N,” you heard from the dark side of the basement. The voice sang song and you backed up against the cinderblock wall. You could feel the shirt you had on now and the light cotton shorts, feel the band on your ankle as you watched him step into the light. “Y/N. Relax, honey. Don’t work yourself up.”

“I…” you said, remembering sneaking into the house and then it all going dark.

“You promised that someday you’d come back and kill me. I took precautions and now...we can go back to the way things were,” he said as he knelt down.

“Dad, don’t,” you said, burrowing back into the corner.

“Hunters aren’t as invincible as they say. I’ll make you a deal. You be a good girl and let Dad have a bit of blood to sell off every so often since you have that been to hell thing going for you, and I will leave the townsfolk alone. Hm? How’s that sound?” he asked. “Or better yet, you be good and I won’t have to do that thing you don’t like.”

“Alistair is dead,” you said as you finally found your voice.

“I know. But I can fool your mind into believing it’s with him, feeling all of that. I’ve learned a few things since you’ve been gone,” he said. “So. Good girl?”

Your body shook and he smirked.

“Don’t worry. We’ll get back to the way things were soon enough.”

He stood up and pet your head, walking away before he hit the light outside the door and locked it.

You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to use your abilities but they were gone.

The Winchesters were your only hope.

It felt like a day had gone by before the door opened. Your father had already paid you one unpleasant visit and you weren’t ready for another.

“Oh shit,” said Dean as the room filled with light. You covered your eyes before you dared expose them to the brightness, Dean rushing over and cupping your cheeks. “Hi, sweetheart. I’m gonna get you out of here.”

“I’m sorry,” you said.

“Me too,” he said. “I forgive you, for all of it. I promise. Let’s get you someplace safe.”

“You can’t cut it,” you said. “You need to break the seal.”

“Do you know how to do that?” he asked.

“You got a knife?” you asked. Dean pulled out a knife and handed it to you. You took a deep breath and held the tip to your foot. You dug into the flesh and sighed. You took the blade and cut into the band, the thing snapping open after a moment.

“What is that?” he asked.

“You can’t run that way,” you said. You stood up and Dean went with you. He helped you walk, pausing when you stopped halfway. 

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you shakily said, stepping over the midpoint of the room, gritting your teeth as you got to the door. Dean picked you up and carried you past the storage area and up the basement stairs, walking you quietly out to the front step outside.

“Where’s my dad?” you asked. 

“Sammy got him,” said Dean. “He’s in the office. I went looking for you.”

“Go check on Sam for me. I don’t trust my dad,” you said.

“If I see him, he’s getting a bullet,” said Dean. You nodded and Dean shrugged off his jacket, putting it over your shoulders before he headed inside. It was warm and smelled like him and you let yourself curl up in the warm safe feeling for a few minutes before you realized Dean hadn’t come back. 

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you stood and looked back at the house. You reached into the pocket of the jacket and pulled out Dean’s spare gun. It wasn’t his normal spare. You looked at it and recognized it as the the other one in the set he’d gotten for you years ago. 

You took that as a sign and slowly limped into the house, gun raised as you headed towards the back.

You turned inside and saw your Dad standing by the fireplace, Dean and Sam both knocked out on the floor.

“Winchesters will sell nicely,” he said. “Pieces of course. You will be punished appropriately.”

“No,” you said quietly, pointing the gun. He glanced at you and the weapon flew out of your hands. You were forced down to the floor and you gasped, staring up at him.

“You lose. You always lose,” he said. He grabbed your arm and started to pull you back towards the hall and presumably down to the basement. You caught Dean lazily staring at you. He poked his left side wearily and you reached into his inner left jacket pocket. 

The sound of a switchblade opening was deafening in the room, your father looking down just as you stabbed it into his thigh. You pulled it out and then scrambled backwards, your Dad stalking over you.

A gunshot rang out and he dropped to the ground. You rolled away, looking back to see Dean pointing his gun. 

“You okay?” he asked.

You got to your feet and walked out of the room, sitting down on the front step. You tucked your head between your knees, a gentle hand on your back a few minutes later.

“You’re alright, sweetheart. You’re alright.”

“Hey,” said Dean the next morning as you finished off your hash brown by the water. “Neat little diner they got around here.”

“S’good pancakes,” you said, popping the last piece in your mouth.

“You uh, didn’t say much last night. Or this morning.”

“Didn’t feel like talking,” you said, swinging your feet from where you sat on the railing. 

“You okay?”

“I feel better but I can’t believe it’s actually over,” you said. “I was always too scared to ever come back here.”

“I get it,” said Dean, leaning back against the railing, staring at the diner. “Talking...helps. Even if you were a pain in the ass about it back then.”

“You know when we met, I was so jealous of you. I really hated you,” you said.

“You did? Must have been my charming personality that won you over,” he chuckled.

“You were so happy and you and Sam...you have someone to love you, always. I know you weren’t happy like most people are but you got to have a little bit, a few moments at least. You guys always had each other and I wanted that so bad. I wish I’d had an older brother like you or a little one or something when I was a kid. You have no idea how screwed up I am, Dean,” you said.

“That’s funny,” he said, turning his head towards your own. “You’re one of the most normal people I know.”

“Dean.”

“I don’t know how or why but you are a good person, Y/N. Your parents from the little I do know were horrible. But you’re good and kind. You’re the opposite of screwed up.”

“I don’t feel like it,” you said.

“You will. Eventually,” he said, smiling softly. “Trust me. I learned from this really hot chick all the best ways to help.”

You glanced down and he moved behind you, wrapping his arms around you, kissing your cheek.

“I should have told you the truth back then,” you said.

“I should have been less of a dick. It’s okay. Nobody’s perfect,” he said.

“My parents made a demon deal,” you said, Dean shifting around to sit beside you. “You saw that house. My parents were nobody’s when they were younger. They wanted money and power and they met with a crossroads demon. They presented a unique deal. My soul for the deal,” you said. “I was almost two at the time I think.”

“That’s not possible,” said Dean.

“I know. The demon started to walk away when my parents got creative. Ten years from then, I’d go away for five years, with a demon. They could do whatever they wanted to me. The demon wasn’t interested at first but Alistair popped up all excited and said he wanted to test out some new stuff or something and then agreed. I spent my childhood knowing it was coming. Then I went away and lived in the Hellscape for five years. It’s like bringing hell to earth. It was basically this hidden away cabin in the woods. Apparently it can only be done every so often and needs a whole bunch of stuff and I was the lucky participant,” you said.

“Five years in hell or five years up here?” asked Dean.

“Up here.”

“Fuck,” he said, closing his eyes. “How many years…”

“If a month is ten years…” you said. “It wasn’t great. I blocked out a lot. I can’t even remember most of it. It was weird. I remember the pain but the duration is like a really crappy month or something. But yeah, I hung out in basically hell for five years before the deal was up. Alistair though, he liked me. He said I took a long time to break. He-”

“How long.”

“Hundred years,” you said, Dean nodding. “Dean...it wasn’t like what you went through. That was hell. This was his playground. Some days I was left alone.”

“Can I hear more?” he asked.

“So when my time was up, Alistair gave me the curse. He told me all about it, told me it would strip away the human emotions so I wouldn’t feel so bad. He encouraged me to rip my parents to shreds,” you said. “I wanted to too but when I got back home, I turned into the scared little girl again. I pretended to be a normal teenager at school and then home was...bad. But I met this boy. This guy was following me after one of the football games when I was walking home and this boy chased him off. Ricky. He was the gearhead kid and I was a stupid cheerleader and he was kind. He reminds me of you actually. We dated, secretly, and I started to open up and Ricky was so smart and it turned out he was a hunter’s kid.”

“Ricky Norris?” asked Dean.

“How do you…” you trailed off, Dean smiling sadly.

“Ricky was my friend when I was a little kid. It was rare to meet other hunter’s with kids. I didn’t see him much but I knew Ricky. I never heard from him after we were like twelve,” said Dean.

“His dad had stopped hunting. He and Ricky tried to help me. They helped me learn that my parents threats about going back to Alistair were lies, that it was a one time only thing. He taught me how to fight and what a safe home was and I was going to runaway, Ricky and I were during senior year. But he never showed up and I found out he’d been killed by my parents. So I went home and I didn’t think twice about killing my mom. She and my dad hurt the one person who ever loved me so I killed her and I told him next time I saw him I’d get rid of him too. Then I ran and I hunted and I got so low and down and I wanted that feeling of being loved so bad and then bam, you and Sam walk into my life and you suffocated me with it and I love you two more than you’ll ever know.”

“We know. It’s this thing called unconditional love. We know, Y/N and you got it too,” said Dean.

“You know Ricky had to explain that to me? I understood it. I saw it with my friends and their families but feeling it wasn’t something I ever got until I met you. Ricky tried, he did, but I was too scared to feel it the way you’re supposed to,” you said. “And he and his dad wound up dead because of me.”

“Hunters help people, sweetheart. If I know Ricky, me and him would have been fighting over the chance to help you out. Nothing that ever happened was you fault. You were a child. Barely a toddler. You did nothing wrong. Life handed you all the crap at once it seems,” he said.

“I couldn’t even sleep in my room upstairs. It was the pretend room. I was always in that basement,” you said, Dean putting an arm over your shoulders. “There’s so much they did.”

“All those people and things that hurt you are dead and I’m not gonna let anything else hurt you again. Neither is Sammy,” he said.

“I know,” you said, looking at your hands. “We lost a year because I wouldn’t tell you all of this.“

“What’s a year? We got this place, we got forever upstairs. Don’t sweat it. It’s okay,” said Dean. He took one of your hands and held it in his lap. “I love you.”

“I’m sorry I-“

“Stop apologizing. Please,” said Dean. “We’re good. It’s all good.”

You nodded and leaned your head on his shoulder.

“How about we take a little break from hunting, get everyone feeling better,” he said.

“I’d like that,” you said quietly.

“Me too, sweetheart.”

“Guys,” you sighed from the backseat a week later. “Why are we driving to some middle of nowhere town?”

“First off, we live in a middle of nowhere town too. Second, it’s a forty minute drive which is nothing. Third, it’s a surprise,” said Dean.

“I wanted to lay in bed and eat junk food,” you whined.

“We have a feeling you’re gonna like this,” said Sam. You sighed and a few minutes later they pulled up outside of a house. You followed them out of the car, Dean pursing his lips as he walked around Baby.

“So we may have been working a case this week without you knowing,” said Dean. “Yours.”

“Mine?” you asked.

“Your Dad said some stuff after you left that office last week. Tried to bargain us into helping him, before we finished him off,” said Sam.

“He said something that me and Sam looked into. It turns out, he was telling the truth,” said Dean.

“What?” you asked quietly.

“See that house?” asked Dean, pointing behind you. 

“Yeah?”

“That’s your house,” said Sam with a big smile.

“I’m not following,” you said.

“That is your house. That is where your parents and brothers live,” said Dean, a smile spreading across his cheeks.

“I don’t…” you said.

“The people you thought were your parents? They stole you at a park to use you for their demon deal. Your real parents are inside,” said Dean. 

“Real…” you said, both of them nodding.

“They’ve looked for decades. They ain’t half bad either. Your Dad had a blurry picture of you from your first Wendigo hunt. A little more resources and they might have eventually found you on your own,” said Sam.

“Did you talk to them?” you asked, staring at the house.

“A little. They didn’t believe us at first. I sent them a picture of you and that sealed the deal. They’re good people, Y/N. Whatever you want to do next is up to you, that’s their words,” said Dean.

You turned and headed for the front door, the boys hanging back by the car.

You swallowed as you rang the doorbell, your heart jumping into your throat when you heard someone on the other side.

An older man opened it, a cautious look on his face that turned into a long stare.

“Hi,” you said. He quickly stepped outside and hugged you, picking you up. “You’re my dad?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m your dad,” he laughed. “I’m your dad, kiddo.”

“Y/N,” said Dean, sitting on the back porch a few hours later. “Your mom makes like one of my top ten pies. Ever.”

“I’ll have to send you kids home with one,” she said as she sat back down next to you in the swing seat, your Dad on the other side.

“So what about school? You wanted to be a doctor when you were little,” he said.

“No she didn't. You were obsessed with trying to be a princess,” said your mom. Dean nearly choked on his pie as he started to laugh. 

“Watch it Winchester,” you teased. “I uh, I left school and got my GED.”

“Y/N had a rough go of it,” said Dean.

“The people that took you...did they treat you okay?” asked your mom.

You glanced at Dean and took a deep breath.

“I found some people along the way that became my real family,” you said.

“Y/N. You don’t have to tell us. We’re just glad to have you back,” said your dad.

“I’m okay,” you said, smiling at Dean. “I can’t believe you had four boys.”

“Well the twins were a surprise,” said your dad. “Never had a girl though aside from you.”

“I don’t mind,” you said, Dean polishing off another piece and looking at your mom.

“Does he want more?” she whispered.

“It’s Dean. He always wants more pie, mom.”

“Hey,” said Dean that night as you wandered into the guest room at your parents house. “Was today good?”

“Very,” you said. “I’m not giving up hunting but knowing I have this is incredible.”

“You’ve had a rough go of it. Sam and I wanted to give you your family back,” said Dean as he sat down on the bed and got down to his boxers.

“Dean,” you said, crawling behind him and giving him a hug. “You gave me a family a long time ago. It just got bigger today is all.”

“We love you. We wanted you to know you have more than us though,” he said.

“The Winchester’s have always been enough. I’m so incredibly lucky I have you,” you said, kissing his cheek. “You gave me so much, Dean. I’m so happy to have met my parents and brothers but I’m a Winchester. I’m always going to be that.”

“You have choices now,” he said.

“Yeah. I know what I pick. Same thing as always,” you said. He smiled and cupped your cheek, pulling you into a kiss. “Thank you for today and how sweet you’ve been all week. I’ve been pretty awful to you lately and I never took care of you at all.”

“You were cursed and scared. I thought I told you to stop apologizing,” said Dean, brushing his thumb over your face. “I am okay. You can take care of me too but it’s give and take and I’m good with giving right now. You still need to heal. It’s only been a week. So let’s take a few days and get to know your family. Okay?”

“Okay,” you said, Dean swinging his legs up onto the bed and giving you another kiss. “I love you, Dean.”

“I love you too, Y/N. So, so much.”

_______

[yikesharringrove]

Hello, I hope I’m submitting prompts correctly. It’s my first one :) I was reading your older works and just finished the “PTA Steve/Billy” ones and would love to see them in the mango AU. I just love all your AUs

Masterlist

Part 35

-

This is a little different, than PTA dads, but I was trying to find a way of working this into the story lmao

These are the letters I mention in the story, I had them in my bedroom all growing up and I LOVED them

-

“We just wanted to hold this meeting with you to discuss Mina’s progress.”

Billy and Steve had been called in to meet with Mina’s preschool teacher about something extremely important.

Billy had come straight from work, but Steve was running late, as he tended to do. He was sitting in a chair across from Mrs. Anna, Mina’s teacher.

“We’ve noticed some trends in her behavior and we just wanted to get them sorted out.” Billy couldn’t fucking believe this. He thought about the meetings his parents were called into, meetings for his aggressive actions, acting out in class. If Mina had gotten his rotten streak, he would never forgive himself.

Steve came scrambling in the door. He was wearing his big glasses, had a spit up on his shirt from Zara who was screeching in her carseat. He sat down next to Billy, pulling Zara out to place her on his shoulder, patting her back until she quieted down.

“I am so sorry for that, I was ready to leave, and well, it wasn’t pretty, and I missed my bus.” Billy just smiled at him, squeezing his knee. Anna stared at his hand.

“My apologies, are you the nanny?” Steve’s face crumpled.

“No, I’m Mina’s father.” She looked fucking shocked, turning to Billy.

“Then I’m sorry, who are you.”

“Mina’s father.” Billy was shifting his jaw. She looked confused before it finally dawned on her.

“Oh, okay. Well, um, okay. Let’s begin.” Her cheeks were red. “As I was saying to Mr. Hargrove, we’ve noticed some trends in Mina’s behavior.” Steve sat up a little straighter. Zara gurgled.

“What, what kind of trends?” Anna was rummaging for a file.

“She’s behind where she should be in terms of the alphabet and basic reading.” Steve’s face went dower. This was the exact meeting he’d been forced to sit through with his parents almost every year. He was determined to say the exact opposite of everything they did.

“She’s doing her best.” Billy squeezed his knee a little firmer.

“Do you read with her every day? Have an alphabet where she can see it?”

“Yes, we’ve been working on her spelling for a long time now, we read every day, and she has wooden letters around her bedroom.” Steve had found these cute little wooden clown people forming different letters, had hung them up near the ceiling all the way around her room.

“Well unfortunately, her best is not where she should be.” Steve was getting heated.

“She is trying. I mean, she’s three years old!” Billy chimed in.

“We’re not saying she’s not trying, but-”

“She works hard, we’re not going to make her miserable slaving over her readings.”

“That’s not what I’m saying, Mr. Hargrove if you please.” Steve didn’t even realize he was standing.

Whenever his father was in one of these meetings, one about how behind Steve was, he would simply promise to make Steve work harder, would breathe down his neck and make him feel like shit. He worked hard, school was just difficult for him.

“Mina struggles with certain words. She gets confused with rhyming and often makes mistakes while speaking.

“Okay, but like, she’s three.” Billy shrugged.

“These are all early signs of dyslexia. We are going to watch her closely, and recommend you do the same at home. As she continues learning to read, if more signs present themselves, you should discuss with her doctor what the best course of action may be.” Billy relaxed in his chair.

“That actually makes a lot of sense. Steve is dyslexic.” Steve had only just found out himself. Mina hated when he read to her, would only have Billy do it. He stumbled through simple books and while he was studying to get his GED, he had opened up to Billy about how hard school was for him, and Billy had encouraged him to have some testing done.

Anna furrowed her brows.

“But are you, genetically related?” Steve just gave her a blank look.

“I mean, if growing her in my uterus from one of my eggs and giving birth to her makes us genetically related, then yes.” Her eyes went huge.

“I am so sorry. I didn’t realize you’re an omega.” Billy rolled his eyes. “I’ve never met a male one before.”

“Can we please stop talking about my husband’s presentation and discuss our daughter?” Anna looked flustered. She cleared her thought, trying to get herself together.

“Well, it is hereditary, so I supposed you may have passed it to her. That’s all I have to say. If she begins showing more signs, early intervention can help her to be wonderfully successful in school and work despite any dyslexia.” Billy stood up, smiling tightly at her.

“Thank you for your time, we’ll make sure to watch for more signs.

Steve was quiet as they picked up Mina from the extend day program, loading both girls into Billy’s car. His hand was clammy in Billy’s on the way home.

“Okay, Pretty Boy. Spill it.” Billy was standing next to Steve in the kitchen, making dinner together.

“I just feel like shit. You know how hard school is for me. I can’t believe Mango has to deal with all that crap now, too.” Billy knocked their shoulders together.

“You heard what that nosy teacher said; early intervention can help. You literally didn’t find out until you were twenty-one because your shitty parents refused to help you. Remember when you were first pregnant, and we promised we would do the opposite of what our parents did? Helping her is doing the opposite.” Steve nodded, but still looked glum.

“I was also thinking about, that teacher was so weird about us being together, and, and about my presentation, and I’m so scared that the girls could get shit for us, for, for me.” Billy put down the knife he was using to slice tomatoes, took Steve’s shoulders to make him face him.

“Baby, I know it sucks, but we can’t control that. We can defend ourselves, and defend our pups, but shitty people are always gonna be shitty, and we just have to hope we’ve raised some badass chicks who won’t take any shit.” Steve laughed.

“I already know Zara’s gonna be ready, willing, and able to fight at any given time.”

“She’s gonna be such a tough little bitch. I can’t wait.”

[nahimjustfeelingit-writes]

Imagine:

Erik nurturing reader after she found a lump in her breast.

Fluff.

Erik slammed Y/N’s laptop shut for the third time that day. He glared at her for doing this shit when he told her not to panic so they could figure it out. She stood up frantically from the bed and damn near pushed past him but Erik picked her up and sat her on his lap. He circled his large arms around her body to keep her still as she wiggled and complained.

“Why do you keep slamming my laptop shut, Erik?!”

“Because you keep scaring yourself about this lump in your breast. Stop looking up WebMD shit all it does is fuck up your head, baby.”

“Well, I know what I feel on the left side of my breast, Erik. It’s a fucking lump. It’s cancer I know it is-“

“Can you please calm down?” He pleaded, “You’re scaring me now and I’m supposed to protect you, baby girl.”

She turned around in his lap with frantic eyes, “but what if it is a lump? What if I do have breast cancer like my mom and grandmom did?”

“Then we fight.” Erik spoke with a sharp tone. “We fighting that fucking cancer, that’s what we’re going to do.”

She sighs, “Erik, this is why I check my breasts everyday. This shit is hereditary. I’ve lost so many aunts to this.”

“Shhh,” Erik spoke softly, “We won’t know what we need to do until tomorrow. Let’s relax. Let me give you a bath and make you some food and cuddle you in my arms until you fall asleep on me.”

“I don’t think I can wait that long,” her eyes trailed to her laptop. “It’s making me even more worried.”

“Y/N, baby, we got this, alright? It’s me and you. We’re gonna walk in that mammo office tomorrow and whatever happens we’ll ride it out. I’m not loosing you to no fucking cancer.”

“Gosh, okay,” she gave in and kissed Erik’s forehead, “I love you, baby.”

“Love you too, beautiful.”

——

She waited after getting her left Brest smushed painfully by the mammography technician. She was fully dressed and sitting in the waiting room surrounded by older women. She was so young and didn’t think she would ever go through anything like this. Erik scrolled through Instagram while his fingers were intertwined with hers. He would look over at her from time to time and give her a warm encouraging smile before planting a kiss to her cheek. He was so patient with her. She yelled at him and all Erik would do was sooth her. If he weren’t here right now Y/N wouldn’t be able to last through this process.

“Y/N?” Her Primary Care Physician, Dr. Patel came out to the waiting room for her. Y/N and Erik both stood up and followed the Doctor to exam room. There, Erik sat on a chair in the corner while Y/N sat on the edge of the exam bed. Dr. Patel had paper work in her hand and a soft smile on her face. Y/N knew it was a professional smile. She had a feeling something was wrong.

“Okay,” The Doctor made eye contact with Y/N, “The Radiologist sent over the mammography images. They found an abnormal lump in your left breast surrounded by calcifications. We believe that you have cancerous tissue in your left breast Miss Y/N and we suggest that you follow through with a needle localization exam followed by a biopsy.”

Dr. Patel didn’t take one breath when she spoke to Y/N Erik was up on his feet and next to Y/N in a blink of an eye. He squeezed her shoulders and pressed his body into hers acting as a shield to protect her. His girl was breaking down.

“W-what? How bad?”

“It’s quite early actually. If we get on board now it won’t spread and cause more problems. I assure you, Miss Y/N, this is the best recommendation now.”

“But there is no guarantee that it won’t grow back.”

“No. But attacking the area now will prevent that.”

“This is...this is too much. I’m only 29 years old.”

“There have been cases with women years younger than you with breast cancer. It’s not uncommon. But, we strive to change that.”

Y/N shook her her head, “I want to see my x-rays.”

“Of course,” Dr. Patel opened a folder, pulling out the films, “this is what they found.”

Erik grabbed the images from Dr. Patel and held them up to the light so Y/N could see. Sure enough, there was this abnormal area surrounded by blood vessels and white spots that Y/N assumed was the calcifications.

“Would you like to keep those?” Dr. Patel asked.

“Yes.” She spoke slowly.

“Alright. Your next appointment for the placement of the clip for needle localization is set for next Monday. I have perscribed some medications for you to help with any further developments before you get here. Everything about the exam will be explained to you before we get started. Any more questions?”

Y/N asked Dr. Patel about the biopsy and what was in store for her afterward. They would need to take more than her unhealthy breast tissue. That means her breast would be practically gone. After they left the hospital Y/N was quiet the rest of the evening. She didn’t want to watch movies or eat the meal Erik cooked for her. Her mind could not wrap around the fact that she had breast cancer. She planned on telling her family the next day so that she could absorb this information. Erik gave her the space she needed but he was still at arms reach. He believed that she would be alright. Secretly, Erik shopped online for Breast Cancer Awareness items to boost her confidence. He found a shirt she would like that read Fight Like A Girl in pink lettering, the R in the girl making the breast cancer logo with boxing gloves . He also purchased a charm bracelet, a hoodie, and some earrings. They were going to fight this together.

——

Days passed and Y/N was ready for her biopsy. Her mother, father, sister, and Erik all came to support her. She was currently having her needle localization done so that the surgeon for the biopsy would know where to locate the cancer site. Everyone was so calm and confident that she would be alright. They all said a prayer before she was taken into the exam room with the mammography technician and the Radiologist. When the doors opened and Y/N came out in a wheel chair Erik shot up out of his seat and rushed to her side.

“What the hell happened?” She didn’t need a wheel chair after this exam.

“Erik, it’s alright. I just fainted from seeing the needle in my breast. Jamie told me too look away but of course, my curiosity got the best of me and I saw a needle sticking out of my tit with some blood.”

Y/N chuckled causing Jamie to laugh too. Erik relaxed completely when he saw her smiling. Whatever Jamie said to her in that room changed Y/N’s outlook with this situation. Her family gave her kisses and words of encouragement as they all followed the tech down to PREOP.

“Family waiting room is here but if someone would like to go back with her before the procedure then you are more than welcome.”

“Erik, can you come with me?”

Erik didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes but there didn’t seem to be a problem from her family. After saying their goodbyes her family went to wait for them and Erik followed his girl to PREOP. Once there they met her nurse for the procedure and basically they explained the procedure again. Erik just wanted to speak to her alone but he understood that she had a lot of questions. Her procedure would be happening in about an hour and finally he was able to be left alone with her for a little while.

“Hey, babygirl,” Erik grabbed her hand, “You good?”

“Better than I was before I came here,” she admitted, “everyone are so nice and supportive.”

“I wanna show you something,” Erik pulled out the T-shirt that he purchased for her. I was gonna save this with the other stuff for after the surgery but I can’t help myself.”

“ERIK OH MY GOD!” She beamed at him before grabbing the shirt from him. Erik laughed at her wide goofy smile. He knew she would love it.

“It’s perfect, babe. It’s so special,” she pouted, “You’re gonna make me cry and I wasn’t tryna do that.”

“Hey,” Erik wiped her eyes. She was crying with that shirt in her hands. Erik got up to give her a kiss. He trailed those kissed around her face while his girl cried softly against him.

“This is so beautiful, baby.”

“You’re so beautiful. The surgery is gonna go well and you’ll be a survivor.”

“I can’t wait to get out of here I don’t want to go in there without you.”

Erik smiles, “I’ll be right out there with your fam. After that we can eat and celebrate.”

“Nothing too rough,” she joked.

“I can live with that,” He spoke with a chuckle.

[sapphicsaro]

morgan + anya, five years

@vicapuleti requested: “Morgan and I guess 5year old Anya ? You knew this one was coming 😍”

apparently i can’t write a fluffy story about two five year olds lol, so here’s some angst with hints of fluff about our two favorite ballerinas. feat. hints of bucky and sam!

-------

“How do you spell it?”

“N-A-T-A…S?”

“Mhmm.”

“S-H-A. Natasha?”

“Good,” Clint replied, both hands on the steering wheel of his truck, eyes on the road ahead.

“Next one, papa!”

“Let’s go back to Russian, okay? You want to be ready for later.”

“Okay,” Anya fiddled with her small bear, and glanced at her father. “Should I start?”

“Yes, pigeon, lemme hear it.”

“Okay, um…Самолёт построим сами (We build an airplane)…Uh, Понесёмся над лесами (We'll soar above the forests), Понесёмся над лесами (We'll soar above the forests)…Um…”

“А потом (And then)…”

“Oh yeah! А потом вернёмся к маме (And then we'll come back to mama)!”

Clint smiled, “Good job, pidgey.”

Anya giggled, “Are we almost there, papa?”

“Actually, we are,” He answered, pulling the truck into the long driveway of the cabin. “Are you excited?”

“Yeah, I miss Morgan.”

“I’m sure she missed you too, baby.” Clint got up to the oh-so familiar cabin, parking close to the entrance. He hopped out of the car, slamming the door shut, before heading to the rear passenger door to get Anya. When he opened the door, she had already unbuckled her seatbelt and was smiling at him widely.

“I did it all by myself, papa.”

Clint shook his head, “Oh my gosh, you’re practically an adult…” She giggled. “C’mon, sweetie,” He held his arms out and she reached for him, letting him pick her up and place her on the grass. He grabbed her tiny backpack from the back seat, and slammed the door behind him. “Ready?” he held his hand out to her.

She grabbed it tightly, “да (Yes)!”

Hand in hand, the daddy-daughter duo made their way up the porch steps to the front door of the cabin.

“Can I please ring the bell?”

Clint smiled at his little girl; her hair went from strawberry-blonde as a baby to a deep red like her mother’s. It was loosely braided as requested by her this morning. Her eyes were a soft green, and every time Clint sweared they were exactly like Natasha’s. Her outfit today was all picked out by herself and she had on a tiny gray jumpsuit with her favorite light up sneakers.

How could he ever say no to her cute little face?

“Go ahead, baby.”

She let go of his hand and went on her tiptoes, pressing the button to hear the ringing in the home. Anya went back to her father’s side, grabbing his hand again before the door opened.

“Is that little Anya?”

“Aunt Pepper!”

Pepper laughed, bending down so Anya could leap into her arms for a big hug. “I swear, I see you every couple months but you just keep growing!”

Anya, with her arms still around her aunt’s neck, giggled. “I grew one more inch!”

“Wow! You did? I’m so proud!” Pepper pulled away from Anya, pushing a loose strand behind her ear, “Well, little ballerina, Morgan is in her room…Think you can go up and say ‘hi’?”

Anya nodded excitingly, “Mhmm!”

Pepper stood up, releasing the five year old from her hands, “Okay, be careful on the stairs!”

Anya zoomed past and made it to the stairs, looking back at her aunt and father before carefully taking the stairs one at a time. How disciplined.

“Hi, Pepper,” Clint gave her a small hug, the glitter backpack still clenched in his hands.

“Hey, Clint. So glad you guys made it.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

——

Anya made her way to the bedroom down the hall, knocking softly on the door, “Morgan?”

The door flung open to reveal five year old Morgan Stark, dressed up in a flowy yellow dress covered in little daisies. Her short hair was pulled back with a matching headband and she had on white sandals to go with the floral ensemble.

“Anya!” Morgan jumped into the redhead’s arms, “Come here! I have to show you what I got!”

The two little ones went into the pink bedroom, where Morgan’s toys were all neatly tucked away. “Close your eyes!” Morgan said as she grabbed Anya’s hands and put them up to her face.

“Okay…” Anya wasn’t one for surprises. Maybe that was hereditary.

She heard some shuffling around before Morgan shouted, “Open!”

Anya placed her hands by here side, opening her eyes to see a frilly pink tutu in her friend’s hands. “Mommy signed me up for ballet! I’m going to be just like you!”

Anya smiled, “Really?”

Morgan nodded, “Yep! I’m still doing tap. But now, I’m in ballet too!”

“I can help you with the first steps so you can know them before you go to your first class!”

A soft knock at the door caught their attention. “Hey, ballerinas, we don’t want to be late. You got an hour to eat and finish up your cards,” Pepper said.

Morgan ran to her bookshelf, grabbing her box of crayons and construction paper, “I’m ready!” She ran past her mother out of her bedroom.

“Slow on the stairs, remember, Morgan?”

“Yes, mommy!” She took the stairs one by one, her tiny sandals clacking on the wood.

Anya didn’t move from her spot in the bedroom, instead her eyes stayed locked to a spot the ground. Pepper looked at her, she knew Anya was much quieter than Morgan, but something seemed off. “Honey, are you okay?”

The redhead shrugged, “Yeah.”

Pepper walked closer to her “niece” and knelt down in front of her. “What’s wrong?”

Anya chewed at her bottom lip, a trait she definitely inherited from her mother. “I’m just nervous.”

“There’s nothing to worry about, sweetheart. It’s going to be so nice today. I promise.” Anya nodded slowly, still looking down at the floor in front of her instead of at her aunt. “C’mon, I got a peanut butter sandwich with your name all over it.” Pepper held out her hand and Anya took it, smiling slightly, as they headed downstairs.

Clint was at the kitchen table, sitting across from Morgan who was excitingly telling him a story. “He did what?”

“Jackson pulled my hair! But I told the teacher on him and he couldn’t go to recess,” she told him, spreading out her colored paper and emptying her crayons. “Miranda said that he’s mean to me because he likes me, but I think that is dumb.”

Clint laughed, “It is dumb.”

“Is this the Jackson story, again?” Pepper asked, letting go of Anya’s hand and heading into the kitchen.

“Yes!”

Anya slowly walked over to her father, looking up at him with her big green eyes. Clint smiled, and bent down to give her a kiss, “You gonna make a card with Morgan?” Anya nodded, still hesitating. “Come here,” he picked her up and made his way over to the other side of the table, placing his daughter down in the chair next to the brunette. “What color card would you like to do?”

Anya thought for a second, “Red?”

“I’m doing red too!” Morgan shouted, holding up her paper.

Clint smiled, “Red’s a good color for them. Here, give me your paper and I’ll fold them.” The two girls obliged and he returned their sheets, ready for them to decorate.

The two sat and colored away, Morgan taking up most of the conversation while Anya sat quietly alongside her. Clint was throughly entertained, as was Pepper. After the loss of their spouses, an unlikely friendship formed between the two single parents. They both felt alone, overwhelmed, and broken after losing the love of their lives, and no one quite had a shared experience like the two of them.

Tony and Nat were much more similar than anyone would care to admit. They were both stubborn as hell, would risk their lives for a mission, and never heard the word ‘no’. Clint and Pepper had many similar qualities as well, as they were the more domesticated ones in the relationship.

When their loves died, the two felt alone.

But, at Tony’s funeral, little Anya Romanoff-Barton gave Morgan H. Stark a hug, telling her that “her daddy was up in the sky and was watching over her, just like mama was.” And the rest was history.

The two girls became inseparable, ultimately making Clint and Pepper closer, too.

So, every three months, one of the pairs would make a trip to visit the other. It helped keep the adults from cooping up in their home and never leaving, which was really easy to want to do after you lost your spouse. It also helped keep the Avengers family together, even though most of them were split apart to do their own things.

However, almost all of the Avengers made time for the girls. Clint couldn’t speak for Pepper, but he had someone over almost every other week, checking up on him and playing with Anya.

Last week, Sam and Bucky were in town, an unlikely pair to want to visit a five year old. But they immediately transformed into goofy uncles, playing tag and making Anya laugh with their failed attempts to copy her gymnastic moves. Anya would whisper to Bucky in Russian when Sam wasn’t looking and he would flashback to seeing young Natasha, except Anya was free from the confines of the Red Room.

The visits helped keep Clint from falling back into his depression. The dusted were brought back, but his wife could never return. After he would tuck Anya in every night, he would lay in his bed and begin to cry, as it felt empty without Natasha. He needed help. As did Pepper.

So here they are, reconvening again, two single parents of two little ballerinas.

Today was not like the other visits, though. Today was a year after the dusted returned, and Thanos was destroyed. This also meant it was a year since the loss of Tony and Nat.

It was a particularly difficult time for Pepper and Clint, but when you’re a parent, you have to find a way to get through the sadness to take care of your child. Both parents already had to do the difficult task of telling their child that their mom/dad had died, which was not a one time thing when your child was young. 

Anya would ask about her mother all the time, and it pained Clint to think about her, as he always flashed back to her hand slipping from his and her lifeless body at the bottom of the cliff.

But, his therapist told him to think of her smile first. Think of her smiling on the porch bench, baby Anya in her arms. Think of her smiling when they finished their mission in Lagos and flopped on the bed, laughing about how quickly they completed their assignment. Think of her smiling on their flight in space; how mesmerized she was by the universe around her. Think of that instead. Don’t think about what happened when they landed. No, remember her hands entwined in his while they laid in the hospital bed, eyes never leaving their teeny newborn sleeping in the plastic basinet.

That’s the Natasha he has to remember.

So when Anya asks about “mama”, he tells her about the good times, and how much she loved her “маленький (little one)”. He tells her about her bear, the first stuffed animal Natasha picked out for her baby because it reminded her of Budapest, where she saw the same one in the window of the village shops. He tells her about the arrow necklace, which she had left in her locked jewelry box, something Bruce had miraculously rescued after their building was ambushed. It was too big on Anya, but she still wore it every day, never taking it off.  

And for Natasha, he enrolled their child in ballet and gymnastics, and kept up her Russian lessons. Anya enjoyed them, always telling her dance teachers and gymnastics instructors that she was going to be just like her “mama”.

Clint hoped so. Clint hoped to god she would have her mother’s determination and heart. She already looked so much like her, why would she need anything from him? 

“Papa, can you please check my card?”

Anya handed him the folded construction paper, the outside decorated with a “⧗”. Clint traced his fingers over the symbol, memories of its owner flooding back to him. He swallowed the lump in his throat, opening the card to reveal a stick figure drawing of Anya and her mother holding hands.

Fuck.

“It’s beautiful, sweetheart.”

Anya smiled, “Can you check my spelling?”

Clint chuckled, “Of course, baby.”

And there it was was, scribbled across the red paper: “Dear mama”.

God. 

It broke his heart. His eyes welled with tears, but he continued reading:

Dear mama, I miss you! Papa does too. I wish I could see you, but papa says you’re in heaven. I hope you can see me from up there. I’m sending lots of hugs and kisses! Я люблю тебя (I love you), Anya

Sure, her handwriting wasn’t the best, but she had been practicing writing this card for the past couple of months and Clint thought it was the best thing he had ever seen. “It’s absolutely perfect.”

Anya smiled as Clint handed her the card back, and she finally took a bite out of her sandwich.

“Mommy, is mine good?” Morgan asked.

There were tears rolling down Pepper’s cheeks as she held her daughter’s card, a beautifully done Iron Man helmet on the outside with the inside containing another drawing (this one showed Morgan and Tony, each holding a cheeseburger), and a small note that ended with “I love you 3000!”

“It’s wonderful, sweetie. Daddy will love it,” Pepper said through her tears.

Clint checked his watch, “Uh, Pep, it’s 1:30, should we get going?”

“Shoot! C’mon girls! Anya, you can bring your sandwich in the car, Morgan, put the crayons away.”

The four of them made their way outside and into Pepper’s car, strapping each of their kids into a car seat. Clint offered to drive, and Pepper gladly took him up on it. 

The drive was lengthy, and the two adults were stuck with listening to Disney music on a loop. Morgan loudly sang her heart out, Pepper encouraging her fun, while Anya sat and listened, playing with her bear and checking her card over and over again. Clint swore he could see her mumbling her Russian poem under her breath, but he stayed focused on the road.

When they got there, the music turned off and Morgan calmed down. 

Seeing the graveyard made Anya curl up into her carseat. She hadn’t been here before. When her mother had her funeral, she was at Morgan’s cabin, where they did Uncle Tony’s service too. It was a shared funeral, and her father spoke about her mom, calling her “Natasha”. Anya was sad, missing her mama, but everyone around her tried to make her feel better, telling stories of “the Black Widow” and how awesome she was.

Anya missed her a lot. Anya missed hugging her mama. She missed seeing her come home from a mission really late at night to sneak her a kiss goodnight. She missed helping mama make dinner. She missed family movie night. She missed their secret midnight snacks, usually sneaking chocolates into their mouths before heading back to bed. She missed doing ballet and gymnastics with her. She missed everything.

When Anya met Morgan, it helped a lot.

Morgan talked about how much she missed her dad, and it was very similar to how Anya felt. They bonded quickly, and even though they only saw each other every three months for the past year, the two were inseparable. Morgan asked her mom if she could FaceTime Anya, and Pepper would let her, hearing the two girls giggle through the phone.

The graveyard, as eerie as it may seem, was very pretty.

Clint parked the car nearest to the headstones they were looking for. They were close to each other, with no one in between, and a constant amount of flowers laying by their names. Fans would visit regularly, thanking the two for saving the dusted, but Clint and Pepper made sure their family would be the only visitors right now.

“You ready girls?”

They both looked scared, sad, and uneasy.

Pepper took off her seatbelt, turning back to face the girls, “Hey, there’s no need to be worried. Nothing scary is here, it’s just us. We’re going to talk to your daddy and your mom, read them your pretty cards, and then spend some time here with them. We will be with you the entire time, okay?”

Anya nodded, while Morgan answered, “Okay mommy. Let’s go.”

The adults got out of the car, unbuckled their daughters, and grabbed their hands.

Clint and Anya went to the right, while Pepper and Morgan went to the left.

Morgan ran right up to the headstone coated in Iron Man memorabilia, and sat crossed-legged in front of it. Pepper knelt down, before taking a seat on the grass next to her daughter, who immediately began talking and showing off her card.

Anya wasn’t as excited as Morgan; in fact she was extremely worried. But, Clint knelt down, gave her a big kiss on the cheek and touched her arrow pendant. “When mama got nervous, she would play with that arrow right there. It was a reminder that I was always there with her, even I wasn’t physically there. Now, it’s a symbol of both of us. Mama is always with you, including right now. Don’t be scared, baby, it’s just us, your family.”

Anya nodded and slowly walked over to the headstone decorated with flowers, cards, and small notes. It wasn’t nearly as covered as Tony’s, but it definitely had more heartfelt notes written for the woman who gave her life for all of the dusted. She sat down, much like Morgan, and fiddled with her bear.

“Привет, мама (Hello, Mama).”

Clint sat down next to his little girl, turning to the headstone, “Hey, sweetheart.”

Anya looked at the headstone, “Natasha…”

“Remember, that’s mama’s name,” Clint said, resting a hand on his daughter’s back. “N-A-T-A-S-H-A.”

“I like it.”

“Me too,” he smiled back at her, giving her a small kiss on her head.

“I made you this, Mama. I drew us, and wrote you a little note. You can read it later though. Papa checked my spelling.” Clint let out a little laugh; Anya placed the homemade card on the headstone.

Anya turned to her father, “Can I talk to mama alone for a second?”

Clint nodded, “Of course, pigeon.” He stood up and walked back to the car, leaning against it as he watched his little one. He peeked a glance over at Pepper and Morgan, who were giggling and snuggling as they talked to Tony’s headstone.

Anya continued to play with the bear in her hands, unsure of what to say, before her eyes welled with tears and she said, “I miss you. I miss you a lot, mama. I don’t know why you had to go. Papa said you saved me, and Kate, and a lot of other people, but I want you back...Is that bad?”

Anya wiped a tear from her cheek, “I don’t know what heaven is like, but I hope you have a place to dance and do gymnastics. And there’s lots of chocolate.” 

She paused, “Mama, I remember the poem you would tell me before bed; Papa helped me. My Russian isn’t as good, but I’ll say it to you. I hope it helps you feel better up there, like how it helped me feel better before bed. Oh yeah! Here’s my bear too, you can hold him while I do it, okay, mama?”

She placed the bear gently on the headstone, next to the card, “Самолёт построим сами (We build an airplane), Понесёмся над лесами (We'll soar above the forests), Понесёмся над лесами (We'll soar above the forests). А потом вернёмся к маме (And then we'll come back to mama).”

Anya placed a hand on the headstone, “I love you, mama. I hope I can see you soon.”

——

author’s note: wow i’m an asshole, but who doesn’t love angst? also, pepper/clint is a friendship i love a lot, okay? plus, morgan and anya would be polar opposites, but they definitely would be best friends. let me know your thoughts about this heartbreaking chapter that i’ll probably go to hell for, along with your head canons about clint and pepper or morgan and anya (or even the other avengers visiting anya bc that's so cute tbh)

[askthedespairkids]

A New Hope- October 31st

//All of this takes place after the current arc, just as an fyi

*Naomi is sitting in the bed at the fourth branch, hugging her baby. She… kind of kicked Karma out earlier, but now he was waiting for her fiancé to return to see their child. * Karma: *they knock on the door* N-Naomi? Naomi: come in, love! *She is smiling widely now*. Karma: *they carefully open the door and step inside, pausing when they see the baby in Naomi’s arms* Naomi: Look, we made a baby! Karma: I- yeah. Naomi: Come over and hold her. Karma: Am- can I? Naomi: I don’t know if you noticed, but she’s half yours. *Naomi hands the baby over.*

Karma: *they look a bit anxious* What if I hurt her? She’s so small and…. weak. Naomi: I trust you that you won’t. Just be careful and it’d be okay… do you wanna sit down? Karma: Sure…. *they take a seat on the edge of the bed* *Naomi gives Karma the baby, showing them how to hold her properly. *  Naomi: isn’t she beautiful? Karma: I mean…. beautiful for a baby I suppose? Naomi: * absolutely ignoring that ‘for a baby’ comment* She’s gonna be adorable. * the baby shuffles a little in Karma’s hands.* Karma: Fuck fuck fuck fuck I did something wrong I upset her Naomi: calm down, love. She’s just walking up. *Naomi looks at both of them * It’s okay. Karma: ……….. Naomi: what are you afraid off, love? Karma: I don’t know. Naomi: Come closer, please? And if you really don’t want to hold her, I will. Karma: *they scooch closer* *Naomi cuddles them. * Naomi: It’s going to be okay, you know. Karma: Yeah…. Naomi: So what’s wrong?  *The baby starts crying, and Naomi takes her and rooks her until she calms.* Karma: Scared. Dunno why. Naomi: It makes sense, It’s a big change. The only reason I’m not freaking out is that I have practice in calming babies. Karma: Do you? Naomi: I grew up in a pretty small village and was one of the older kids. I did my share of babysitting. Naomi: doesn’t mean I’m good with kids, though. Just that I know how to stop them from screaming. Karma: I bet you’re at least okay with them. Naomi: …I’m pretty sure the last one I talked to hates me. Karma: He’ll come around. He just needs time. Naomi: I hope you are right. He seems to like you, at least. Karma: Does he? Naomi: I think so, at least. * she turns to the baby. * Have you decided if you want a middle name? We don’t usually do it here, but I think you do? Karma: We do. I even have one. * Naomi blinks.*  Naomi: You do? I don’t think I know that. Karma: I don’t really tell people. Naomi: Just if you wanna. But you haven’t answered my question. Karma: Oh. Yeah sure we can give a middle name. Mine’s Joan. It was mom’s name. Karma: Graves isn’t my real last name either. Just picked it because it sounds cool. But yeah. Middle name. Naomi: We- Jewish we, not Japanese this time- don’t name people after the living. But… Madoka Joan? Or do you have another idea? Karma: Madoka Joan sounds nice. Naomi: Madoka Joan Graves…. Madoka Joan Kizakura Graves… I like it. Let’s see how long it takes until you can say it all, sweetie. * She giggled, looking at her baby.* Karma: …… do you think she’ll like me? Naomi: …Why wouldn’t she? Karma: I dunno. Naomi: You are their parent, and you are wonderful. Don’t forget it. Karma: *they smile softly* Thank you. Naomi: No problem~ Karma: *they hug Madoka close* Naomi: see? it’s not that bad. Karma: I suppose you’re right. * Naomi laughs.*  Naomi: what else is new. Karma: *they laugh as well* *Naomi kisses Karma. * Naomi: we should probably let other people see her. I wanna show off! Karma: Yeah…. yeah we should. Naomi: wanna call your dad? Karma: Yeah. Sure. —– *Naomi sits on the bed, Karma near her, holding the baby.* Naomi: Do you want to meet her, Nakamura? Kyoji: Sure, I… She’s so small Naomi: Well, yeah. She had to come out of me. It’d hurt even more if she was bigger. Karma: She’s a baby. Kyoji: Well, yeah, but… I never really got to see Ryoko like this Naomi: …it’d have been really odd if you were. Naomi: Do you want to introduce her, love? Karma: Uh… sure. This is Madoka Joan Kizakura Graves. She’s…. a spawn of Naomi and myself. Kyoji: Really now? I never would’ve guessed. Hey there, Madoka Karma: Hurr durr durr. Naomi: Yeah, I think maybe the spawn part can be omitted, love. *She takes Madoka from Karma carefully, offering her to Kyoji. * *He carefully takes her* Kyoji: Let’s get a look at you. Yep, you look like your mother, but you’ve got Karma’s eyes too. I can see some of your grand-uncle in here as well. Don’t you think about delving into alcoholism, got it? That’s a terrible habit. Naomi: Yeah. No Alcohol for you, kiddo. Karma: She doesn’t know what alcohol is. Naomi: let us keep it like that. Kyoji: Agreed. And I have to say, I’m impressed.  Even with all this pollution, nuclear fallout, and ozone depletion, you’ve got yourselves a perfectly healthy baby. Naomi: wasn’t easy. But… it’d be okay, right? she’ll stay healthy? Kyoji: Depends on whether or not we can fix this global situation Naomi: all the more reason to work hard on it. Kyoji: Yep. Sorry you won’t get to see the old world, Madoka. But we’ll make sure you don’t have to grow up in a ruined husk of a planet. Karma: ……. Kyoji: We can’t fix everything that’s been lost. But we can make things better. And I think you’ve both made the right choice here. Naomi: at least that. Kyoji: Every victory is important, no matter how small it might be Karma: I think some people judge us. Kyoji: Some people believe the Earth is flat and some people think Enoshima is right. Doesn’t mean a damn thing Naomi: Yeah, humanity is kind of stupid. Kyoji: I wouldn’t say that. Ignorance and stupidity are different things. And it’s going to be up to people like us to enlighten them. You know, Madoka might be luckier than us in a few ways. She has a family who cares about her. Karma: How so? Kyoji: Something I know at least two of us needed growing up * Naomi gives out somewhat of a sad smile, but doesn’t say anything. Her parents should’ve been there, at this moment, holding her daughter.* Kyoji: She won’t have to worry about that god-forsaken academy Naomi: you won’t need anyone to validate your talents, would you? * she speaks to the baby, of course * Karma: Yeah…. Kyoji: No, but Ultimate lines can be hereditary. Which also means she could inherit some talent from both of you. Oh…for example, Madoka has now claimed my finger. Yep…yep, you got Karma’s grip too… * Naomi laughs* Kyoji: Release my finger, child Naomi: I think you might just have to say goodbye to your finger. Kyoji: But I need that. For science! Karma: Nope. Not anymore. Kyoji: Madoka, that’s…I need that, please. Release meee Naomi: I don’t feel like getting up, but move closer and I’ll do my best to fix that. Kyoji: Please press the release button on the child Naomi: the release button is lifting her fingers, I think the book said she should be too weak to actually grab things for a while. Kyoji: Well, she has Karma’s genes Karma: …. *they walk over next to Kyoji and open Madoka’s fingers* Kyoji: Freedom! Thank you. Karma: Mhm. Kyoji: …Alright, so, it just occurred to me how strange our family situation is here. You two are Madoka’s parents, Kizakura-san is her great uncle, I am technically her grandfather, which means Ryoko is technically her aunt, so therefore Mukuro is also her aunt? Karma: ………. aaaaand Junko apparently. Kyoji: We do not speak of her here. Naomi: This is kind amusing, though. Kyoji: Perhaps… Perhaps Madoka is the one who shall restore balance to our world …although, even if that were true, I’d rather we not have to wait for her to grow up for that to happen Karma: True. Naomi: Are we going to quote Avatar now, or…? Kyoji: I feel a more pressing question is… Do you two have a cradle for her? Or a crib? Whatever it’s called Karma: I…. don’t know. Kyoji: That should be corrected as soon as possible. Naomi: Yeah. Kyoji: And also a mobile, And baby clothes Naomi: I asked for clothes. We have a bit, at least. Kyoji: That’s good. You also have me as your local pediatrician Naomi: Yes. Yes we do. Karma: We do. Kyoji: *He smiles* It’s been a long time since I’ve had something like this. Naomi: what kind of something? Because it can mean many things in this context. Kyoji: A family. Karma: …. yeah. Naomi: …but you had each other? And Ootonashi-san? Kyoji: Of course. That’s what I mean. Before all this, all I had was my mom. And she’s been gone for a long time now. Karma: I didn’t really have anyone. This is nice. * Naomi kisses Karma’s cheek* Karma:  *they smile* — *Naomi is cuddling both Madoka and Karma, smiling when she hears a knock.* Naomi: Come on in! Junpei: *He, Koichi, and Orochi are let in by Hiroko* Hey, we heard it was okay to see you now. Karma: Hey! Naomi: Yep. *She holds Madoka forward. * Naomi: Look, a baby! That came from me. Karma: I helped. Orochi: Well, if it didn’t come from you, I would have questioned the last nine months. Koichi: Can’t believe this is really happening *Tips his hat down* Naomi: I can’t either. Meet Madoka Joan Kizakura-Graves… Wow it is actually a mouthful. Your niece… or grandniece, depends who of you. Koichi: A grandniece, huh…suddenly I feel a lot older than I actually am. Karma: Well…. we ARE quite young. Naomi: And you are younger then dad, so… it makes sense, I guess. Orochi: And she’s fine too? Nothing wrong genetically or anything? Naomi: Nakamura said no. I guess we were lucky. Karma: Really lucky. Junpei: That’s good…I can’t believe it though. An actual baby in a place like this… Naomi: You’ll have to get used to it, because neither of us are going anywhere. Right, 'doka? *The baby obviously doesn’t respond * Orochi: *He rests his head on top of Junpei’s* …I kind of wish we had baby. Junpei: Okay! We’re still learning how to raise Masaru, so let’s not think about that right now… Karma: Do you think Masaru would like Madoka? Naomi: Now? I don’t know. When she’s old enough to play with a ball… Orochi: Oh, as soon as she can kick a ball they’ll be best friends Naomi: Maybe you’ll figure a way to give her another cousin by then. Karma: Oh shit. Junpei: Again! We’re definitely not ready for a baby! Doesn’t help that the kid we have right now will be taller than me as soon as he hits his growth spurt. Karma: RIP Naomi: *she nods her head * being short sucks. Junpei: …*Pouts* It’s true but you shouldn’t say it… Orochi: You’re just the right height, don’t worry. Koichi: So, what did they say to you after the birth? Is she okay to go to the dorms with you two? Naomi: Yeah, I just want it to not hurt when I stand first. Speaking of which… Any idea from where I could get a crib? and maybe a sling? Koichi: Ah…I’ll convince Izayoi-kun to make a crib. Not sure about a sling. Karma: ….. Tailor maybe? Naomi: Yeah, this sounds right… Wasn’t he your classmate, Orochi-kun? Orochi: Muro-kun? Yeah, I’ll see if he can make one. Naomi: Thank you. Naomi: Anyone wants to hold her? Orochi: I think it would be best for Kizakura-kun to hold him first. Koichi: R-right… *Naomi hands Madoka carefully. * Koichi: *He holds her carefully, taking the seat next to the bed* …heh, she’s got your nose. Naomi: She really does look like me? *She didn’t see it. Then, again, she didn’t see herself much. * Karma: She does. Koichi: She’s got some of your feature, yeah. Kind of reminds when you were born. *Naomi blushes * Karma: D'awww. Junpei: *….Smiles slightly* (Maybe a kid wouldn’t be so bad…) Naomi: So where is your kid hiding, anyways? Orochi: He’s went to the gym to play basketball with Jataro-kun. Naomi: …He got Jataro-kun to play basketball? Impressive. Karma: I’m sure he’s glad his friend is here. Junpei: Yeah, he seems a lot happier. It just have been lonely without other kids around. Naomi: Yeah… It can’t be healthy to be the only one your age around. * She looks at Madoka. * We’ll figure something out for you when you grow older. Orochi: Who knows? Kurohiko-kun has been getting close to Asano-chan and Hokama-chan. Naomi: yes, but I don’t think it’d go so quickly. Have you met… two thirds of them, really? Orochi: Yeah, Hokama-chan is almost literally an animal. Weird relationship she has with those two. Naomi: This is not what I meant and don’t be mean. Karma: Oof. Orochi: I’m kidding, I’m kidding Naomi: Good. Karma: You suuure? Orochi: Yes I’m sure Naomi: Improvement. Karma: I’ll say. Naomi: One of you two wants to hold her? Orochi: Yo-chan? Junpei: M-me? I d-dunno… Naomi: It’s not hard. Junpei: W… Well… Alright then *Naomi takes the baby from her uncle, moving her to Junpei and showing him to hold her correctly. * Junpei: *He looks nervous as he hold her carefully in his arms* Naomi: You are not going to hurt her. Karma: If I can do it so can you. Junpei: R-right… Orochi: Don’t worry, you’re doing fine. Just relax… Naomi: she can’t eat you. Orochi: Not yet. Junpei: Shush, you. Naomi: But you provide us with so much materiel. Junpei: Good to know I’m so entertaining for you all… * Naomi is rolling her eyes at him. * Karma: Take it as a compliment, Junpei. Orochi: So serious all the time… Junpei: Someone has to be. You wanna hold her? Orochi: Ah, well…I think I’ll pass. Naomi: She won’t bite you either. Orochi: E-even so- Junpei: He’s scared to hold her. Karma: Oh c’mon now. Naomi: Yeah, I am with Karma on this one. Orochi: B-but…wh-what if I drop her, I don’t r-really trust myself much * Naomi folds her legs, leaving clear space in the end of the bed. * Naomi: sit. Orochi: O…okay…*He sits down* Naomi: good. Now, if you don’t mind, Junpei-kun? Junpei: Here, you’ll be fine…*He carefully hands her to Orochi* Orochi: O-okay…*He looks really nervous when he takes her* Naomi: There you go. It’s okay. Orochi: Y-yep! Totally f-fine… Naomi: Do you want to hand her back? Orochi: Y-yes… *Naomi takes her baby back. * Naomi: Oh, you are awake. I was wondering. Koichi: To be fair, your friends aren’t the quietest. Naomi: Also that. Karma: I’m not so quiet either. Naomi: I don’t think she minds. Calm down, love. Orochi: Whose eyes did she get? Yours or Karma-chan’s? *Naomi uses her finger to point to Karma. * Naomi: Which means I’m lucky, because I have three pretty green eyes in my life. Karma: Aha…. yeah. — Karma:*they grab Sly’s hand and start dragging him back the direction they came from* Sly: What’re you doing?! Where are we going?! Karma: To see Madoka! Sly: Couldn’t this have waited? Karma: Nope. Sly: *He lets out a sigh* Fine…… you can let go of my hand now. I can walk. Karma: Can you? Sly: I would think so. Karma: I think I’ll keep holding your hand. I don’t trust you. *when they finally get to the room, Naomi is feeding Madoka from a bottle and raising her eyes to them. *ראש הטופס

 ראש הטופס

Naomi: …did Karma drag you here? Sly: Is that even a question? Karma: I’m still holding his hand, see? they raise Sly’s hand in their own Naomi: Yeah, I noticed. I think you can let him go now, though. Sly: Would be appreciated. Naomi: …block he door, though, he might run for it. Karma: *they let go of Sly’s hand and quickly go to block the door* Sly: …..That’s really not necessary. You got me here, so now what. Karma: Go see Madoka. *Naomi separates the baby from the bottle. *  Naomi: There you go… Here, meet Madoka Joan, Sly. Karma: I’ve just decided your her uncle so now you HAVE to see her. Naomi: I support this notion. Sly: *He rolls his eyes* I don’t think that’s how it works. *He takes a step towards Naomi and Madoka* …… Hey there. Naomi: you can hold her, if you want. She doesn’t seem to mind. Naomi: And of course that’s how it works. That’s how Junpei-kun became my little brother. Sly: Umm ok. *He takes a deep breath before he picks up the baby, making sure to support its head* It’s been a long time since I’ve done something like this. Not since my last visit to the orphanage. Naomi: You were visiting an orphanage? Karma: That sounds unlike you. Sly: Yeah. Not as much as I grew older but I used to go all the time as a kid. It’s how I met Maki. Naomi: I think this was more on your past then you told us the last… two years? was it two? Naomi: Why were you visiting an orphanage? Was it like a charity thing? Sly: ……Um well multiple reasons. The first time though was…. after my mom died, so I was in a bad place. My mentor thought it would be good for me to visit where she grew up. Naomi: Do you want to talk about her? Karma: …… Sly: What’s there to say. She was a legendary assassin. She led the entire agency before she was murdered. But she never let being an assassin define who she was. She was courageous and strong but to me she was kind and caring. Naomi: She sounds a lot like you… well, on a good day. Karma: On a good day. Sly: I guess…… Naomi: You are holding my daughter. Trust me, if I didn’t think that you wouldn’t have gotten near her… Well, unless you forced your way because I assume you can, but why would you? Karma: Exactly. I had to drag him. Sly: It’s a cute kid. I don’t think I ever said it but congratulations to you both. Karma: !!! Uh… thanks! Naomi: …you can use she, you know. But thanks. Karma: Oh. Uh. Yeah. AHEM Don’t use “it” to uh, refer to my daughter. Sly: *He gently places Madoka into Karma’s arms* I apologize. She’s a cute kid. Karma: *they immediately stiffen once Madoka is in their arms* Naomi: You have the honor of being the first person to hold her without me having to force them into it…. * she turns to Karma * Love, you really have to stop doing that. It’s fine. Karma: I- y-yeah. I know. It’s- yeah. Naomi: do you want me to take her? Karma: N-No I got her. Naomi: Great. Hi, Sly-kun, do you have tips for Karma? They seem to be frightened of dropping her. Sly: *He rubs the back of his head* I’d really recommend you ask Maki but from everything she’s told me, I would count in my head and try to be aware of my own movement. But really it just takes time. Naomi: Maki is… Harkuwa-san, right? I don’t think I had a chance to talk to her. Karma: I talked to her a little bit. I dunno what she is but she’s clearly killed people despite denying it. Sly: Don’t worry she won’t hurt anybody here unless it’s a necessity. I trust her. Socially though, she’s kinda hard to talk to when you first meet her but she knows a lot about taking care of kids. Naomi:: I take it you are good friends? Sly: ….. It’s complicated. Karma: Ohhhhh? Naomi: you can’t say something like this and not explain. Sly: Well I did and I won’t. I’ve done enough sharing for the day. Naomi: pretty please? *she holds Mado forwards * The power of the baby forces you, or something! Sly: *He sighs* All I’ll say is we’ve been some things. So drop it. Karma: Fair enough. Naomi: Fine, I guess. *She hugs the baby. * You can stay, if you want, but I think you filled Karma’s need for you to see your niece, so you can also leave, I guess. Sly: Thanks. I’ll be you seeing you three later. *He shifts Karma outta the doorway and walks out* Karma: Bye.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

All The World Inside Me

A/N: There was a death in my family this week. I am probably about to start posting some really angsty fic for ODAAT, and I love this fandom so I wanted to warn you. Feel free to keep sending requests, but if they are fluffy, just know they will be on hold.

Established relationship ficlet in which Penelope finds herself pregnant and Schneider is the father. Short and fluffy and random. I think this was an idea that came from chatting with @cykluber ages ago, if not an actual request.

Penelope x Schneider, One Day At A Time. Also on AO3.

They had never discussed kids because Schneider knew she did not want more, and Penelope knew he knew that. They had used protection and they were in their forties and this was not supposed to happen.

Ay Dios mio, this was not supposed to happen. What if he was upset about it? Above all else, Schneider would never want to hurt her, even by being honest.

“It was pink.”

Penelope looked almost pale on his doorstep, and it was that more than the late hour that worried Schneider. He stepped back to let her enter, brow furrowed as she continued.

“It’s funny how some things don’t change, you know? With Elena I was late, and then I threw up, and then I bought two pregnancy tests. And I told Victor, and he cried. And I cried, and it was just so much.”

“Okay…Pen, do you want to sit down?”

“No.” She shook her head, her eyes filling. “But you should, maybe. Schneider, you should sit down.”

He tried to reach for her, his tone cautious when she shifted further away. “Hey. What’s going on?”

“I was late. And I got really sick last week, remember? We thought it was that street cart. But I waited until everyone was asleep, and peed on the stick, and two minutes later…it was pink.”

Penelope turned her back on the foyer, unable to watch his reaction when she finished. “I’m pregnant.”

The silence stretched out between them in Schneider’s big, tidy apartment.

“You’re pregnant?”

“Yes.”

“You’re sure?”

She wrapped her arms around her torso, still staring toward the kitchen. “Well, I haven’t gone to a doctor yet, but it’s so much like it was with Elena and Alex. Yeah, I’m sure.”

Penelope heard him get up, and hunched in on herself a little.

Instead of coming to stand in front of her, Schneider stopped at her back. He curled his arms around her and pulled her against him.

He kissed the top of her head as she started to cry.

“How are you doing? Are you feeling okay?”

“That’s…that’s your first question?”

“You know I love you, Penelope Alvarez. What else am I supposed to care about?”

“Don’t…” She sniffled. “Don’t you want to know what I’m going to do?”

“Of course.” Schneider ran his hands along her forearms, trying to soothe. “That can wait. Are you still throwing up?”

She let out a weak laugh. “It’s not a one-time thing, Schneider. I’m okay, but yes, I’m still throwing up. In the afternoons, mostly.”

“Why do they call it morning sickness if it happens in the afternoon?”

“Propaganda. I don’t know.” Penelope exhaled, the air shuddering out of her–half exhausted, half relieved.

“Do you want some water?”

“No, I’m good.”

She turned, letting Schneider’s hands link behind her neck as he peered down at her.

He wasn’t wearing his glasses, she realized. He could barely see her. She leaned closer, until he stopped squinting.

“I’m really good.”

Penelope’s laugh was more surprised than pleased. Once she realized how she felt, it was kind of shocking, actually.

“I’m…happy.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’m not ready for this, and I wasn’t expecting it…we were so careful, you know? It shouldn’t even be possible.” 

“But you’re happy about it?”

She stepped back and waited while he put his glasses on, smiling at him once she knew he would see it. “I think I am. As weird as that is.”

Schneider’s brow had that deep furrow in it, and Penelope realized she was calming down enough to think clearly again.  

“So, what about you?”

He tilted his head. “What about me?”

“Come on, Schneider. I’ve had way longer to consider this might be happening. I just threw it at you. How are you? What are you thinking? Talk to me.”

“I’m...” He paused, taking the question seriously. “I’m glad that you’re happy about it.”

“Okay, but that’s not really your feelings. That’s still about me.” Schneider was good with babies--even better with kids; his avoidance was starting to worry her. 

They’d had the talk about being exclusive, and they’d had lots of talks since about their shared future. About how it would look, about dreams and feelings and money.  

“What do you want me to say?”

“The truth.”

They had never discussed kids because Schneider knew she didn’t want more, and Penelope knew he knew that. They’d used protection and they were in their forties and this wasn’t supposed to happen.

Ay Dios mio, this wasn’t supposed to happen. What if he was upset about it? Above all else, Schneider would never want to hurt her, even by being honest.

“Hey. Come here.”

Penelope slid her fingers through his, holding on and looking up at him.

“However you feel, you know it’s okay, right? We did not plan for this to happen. Hell, I didn’t know how I felt until you and I were already talking about it.”

Schneider closed the distance between them to bury his face in her hair and stay there for a moment. She heard him inhale deeply before he spoke.

“I’m really glad you’re happy about it, Pen, because I’m happy too. And if you weren’t, I wouldn’t want you to feel like you had to be or anything.”

“Yeah, I get that. You’re happy, too?” 

Penelope pulled back enough to look his way, and realized he was crying. “Oh my god, you are. For a guy who’s so happy he’s dripping in my hair right now...why do you sound sad?”

‘M not sad.” He nuzzled up against her again and breathed her in.

“Concerned? Irritated? Give me a hint, ‘cause you and I are about be parents. Both of us. Together. Communication really helps with the whole raising a tiny human thing.”

Kissing the top of her head, Schneider moved to sit and drew her with him. “Concerned. Terrified. Mostly...worried. If you were all this kid had, it would turn out perfect, because your kids are perfect.”

“Okay...”

“I’m a different story, that’s all. I never planned on being a dad, and not because I don’t want to be. You know I love kids.”

She sighed and shifted so that she was curled into him on the couch, her back resting against his chest. “I do know that.”

“But let’s be realistic, okay? With my family history, my addiction history, my inability to hang onto a job...”

Schneider splayed his fingers over her stomach, rubbing lightly as he continued. “This baby deserves so much better than me, as its father.”

God, she should have seen this coming from miles away, Penelope realized. She’d been too panicked, then too focused on what came next, to really think about it. But of course this was where Schneider would go. She knew his nightmares as intimately as he knew hers. 

Hers: clowns and armed combat. His: spiders and rejection.

Turning around to face him, scooting back so their knees were touching on the couch, Penelope sighed. “You’re right. We should be realistic.”

He nodded.

“Private adoption is probably our best option,” she continued. “Obviously I have a lot of relatives we could choose from, but I really don’t think that’s a good idea. Not when the whole problem is probably hereditary.”

“Huh?”

“But the good news is that with your money, you can afford, like, the most talented lawyers, and we’ll make sure I have excellent prenatal care, so our baby goes to only the very best family. Right?”

“Right. I mean, no. Wait. Penelope! What??”

“What? I agreed that we should be realistic. And not just about you--you’re talking to someone with depression and PTS. So you’re right, there’s definitely a woman out there who would make a way better mom than I could. More stable.”

“Hey, now.” Schneider frowned and reached out for her hands. “Having PTS or depression doesn’t mean you’re undeserving or that you won’t be an amazing mom to that baby and oh my god I see what kind of a Jedi trick you’re trying to pull on me there.”

With a fond hint of a smile, Penelope mimed the exploding-brain gesture at him that he was so fond of. “Blew your mind, yeah?”

“Maybe I just feel like arguing with a pregnant lady is a dick move,” he replied.

“Nah, I totally won the argument.” 

Lifting one of his hands up and turning it over, Penelope kissed his palm. “I have almost two decades of experience now, Schneider. And I am telling you, you’ve got what it takes to be a great father.”

She saw the moment when the thought struck him, watched it bloom over his face into a huge grin. 

“Penelope. The baby--our baby,” he corrected himself softly. “We’re going to be able to give it everything it needs. Everything it wants! And all the love it deserves. It’s going to just...” 

Schneider teared up again and she took the opportunity to move in for a hug. “It’s going to be the luckiest baby ever,” she agreed. “And super cute, obviously.”

“But it’s not gonna get spoiled,” she rushed to add. “You hear me, Schneider? No thousand dollar strollers or designer baby clothes it’ll throw up on in five minutes, no round-the-clock nannies. We don’t need it, the baby won’t be better off because of it. No child of mine is going to grow up not knowing the value of money or hard work, or what the real world is like.”

“I hear you.” Still grinning, Schneider kissed her, his mouth gliding over hers.

“I’m not kidding,” Penelope leaned back to say, jabbing a finger at his pajama-clad chest. “You don’t get to throw your money at every minor inconvenience, or sneak tips to people to smooth the way like that’s normal.”

His hand rubbed at the tension in the nape of her neck while he moved his mouth to her cheek. “Got it. Dial down the overtipping.”

“And if you think you can get around me with kisses and charm, think again, alright? This is important, Schnei---”

His name transformed into a moan when his lips found the pulse point behind her ear.

“Damn it, Schneider, you can’t...well, fuck.” His teeth grazed her neck and she melted against him, her fingers gripping his against her stomach. 

His quiet laugh was wicked before he followed his teeth with the soft brush of his mouth. “Y’know, Pen, that’s really very inappropriate language for a mother-to-be.”

“The baby doesn’t even have ears yet,” she reminded him, “so come here.” She used her free hand to bring Schneider’s face back to hers, kissing him until they had to break apart for air.

He rested his forehead against hers. “Can you stay?”

“Normally I would say no, you know how my Mami is. But I think that just this once, when I head home with the news...she’s going to have other things on her mind.”

Penelope grinned against his mouth between kisses, quick and bright. “Let’s go to bed.”

“You know,” Schneider said as he stood and reached for her hand, “this will sort of be our first night as a family. I’m glad we get to spend it together.”

“I’m happy to be here too.” She squeezed his hand. “But you should really know better than that.” 

Stopping in his bedroom doorway, Penelope stood on her toes to kiss him, sweet and slow. “Schneider...we've been family for years.”

[ironfist-clown-factory]

The Nonkinaverse and You: Chapter 1 - The Nonkinaverse and Clowns as a Species

Well it’s time to kick off some World Building on this blog, and we’re starting with a double whammy: The Nonkinaverse itself, and Clowns as a Species in this ‘Verse.

<--THE NONKINAVERSE-->

The first thing that’s important to know about the Nonkinaverse is that it’s an OC Universe within an OC Universe, this main Universe being The Densetsuverse.

You see, Densetsuverse Clown, Kidd Clown, is a big fan of Japanese Manga and Anime, specifically Shounen series from the 1980/90′s like Fist of the North Star, Kinnikuman, Dragon Ball and City Hunter to name a few. Series’ about Muscle bound heroes fighting one another with tearful and manly friendships. It’s Kidd’s crack.

However Kidd has become fed up with what anime and manga has become in recent years: bland High School comedies, shitty fanservice that’s degrading to women, 100 different light novel adaptations being pumped out on a monthly basis. If it wasn’t for more recent anime and manga like JoJo’s or the more obscure Kongoh Bancho and Kengan Ashura (all of these series I mentioned I HIGHLY suggest giving a shot) he would have given up on both mediums.

But not wanting to just sit on his ass and complain, he decided to do something: Make his own Shounen Manga about Clowns fighting each other! And thus, Nonkina Ace: Clown Fighter!, was born!! (The name is derived from the story’s protag, Ace Nonkina)

Now about the Nonkinaverse itself (WARNING: Prepare for dumb Shounen tier writing and World Building): It’s actually not that different from the Densetsuverse, which in turn isn’t all that different from our own world, but it’s a world of fiction, so bat crazy shit happens in both Uni.

ANYWAYS, the world IS different in that the main center of the Nonkina Ace story, Diamond Star, is located in Upstate New York-Kyo, UPA (United Prefectures of America).

In the Nonkinaverse, World War 2 happened, but it happened differently. Instead of being an enemy to the US, Japan sided with America, and helped the country win the war.

Afterwards relations between the countries blossomed into something no one thought ever imaginable: The two countries formed a power-nation, transforming the United States into the United Prefectures. Much of the US stayed the same, but many cities and infrastructures adopted Japanese methods and aesthetics, making many parts of the US feel like Japan 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Yet Florida remains the same.

And with that out of the way, let’s talk about Clowns as a Species.

<--CLOWNS AS A SPECIES-->

Clowns in the Nonkinaverse are, I guess you can say, mutants? I could never really explain it, but they’re DNA comes from a fork in human DNA, and the differences are mostly in physical appearance, as well as other factors that MIGHT be biological?

Again this is just Shounen-tier bullshit, don’t expect anything clever or on the level as Stephen King.

At a very base level, Clowns and Humans share the same, near 1:1 traits as one another. However, several factors make Clowns, well, Clowns.

-

First is their height: Clowns in the Nonkiaverse are taller than humans. Just to give you an idea, the average height of an adult human is roughly around 5′6″. The height of an average adult Clown is around 7′2. Yeah. Clowns are a tall folk.

-

Next is their skin: 95% of all Clowns are porcelain white from head to toe. Clowns that fall into this include Ace, Johnny, Bucky and Ryosuke. There also exist Clowns who have the white face and colored body from the neck down, such as Sally, Marco (pre-Death), and Raymond.

These tend to be Human/Clown cross-breeds (aka, when a Clown loves a Human), but there exist cases where a Clown can be born with the white face and colored body and even Clowns born with no white skin at all, but these are extremely rare.

But the rarest Clowns of them all are albino Clowns: Albino Clowns are born with absolutely no pigmentation on their ENTIRE being. Literally, from their hair to their toes, no color. Even their iris lack colors in SUPER RARE cases. An example of an Albino Clown is Momotaro Jigu-Jo who remedies their Albinoism with make up, hair dye, etc.

-

This segways into the next factor of Nonkinaverse Clowns: These are without a doubt the most defining trait of a Clown. Clowns are born with naturally colorful hair, a matching nose.

I feel as if I don’t really need to explain this. These are just regular Clown traits that I used for the Nonkinaverse Clowns.

Well I guess I could explain a thing or two more in detail, such as the color of hair and noses. It’s typically decided like how the color of iris are, it’s all hereditary. EX. A Clown couple both have a similar shade of red hair, and their newborn child has the same color.

But there are the occasional Clownborn who’s color is mixed from both parents. EX. A Clown has Yellow hair and their lover has Blue hair, they have a baby and their color is green.

Noses also come a variety of shapes. Round, pointed, crooked, realistic where it looks like the color is painted on and so forth.

-

And lastly, let’s talk about the Crotchular reigion of Clowns: Male Clowns have Penises and the Female Clowns have Vaginas.

That’s right. No Tentabulges. None. Forbidden. BANNED. I’m not dealing with this shite again. I’m not gonna have any of this Homestuck level tier of nonsense with my Clowns.

-

And that concludes the first lesson of ‘The Nonkinaverse and You’. Next time we’ll discuss Clown Culture of the Nonkinaverse. Until then your homework assignment is to start reading or watching any of the Manga or Anime I listed above as an influence on the Nonkinaverse.

Why? No particular reason. I just wanna show the world more of these great stories that get brushed off to the side unfairly.

Please give them a chance, they’re actually REALLY good. Trust me.

And now you’re dismissed.