#also any time my mom has a medical emergency I get majorly stressed

[eastberlin]

My mom fell and broke her hip Sunday night (luckily it wasn't a bad break and they were able to repair it with hardware rather than a full hip replacement) so I'm going between the house and the hospital while trying to finish the home repair project I started this weekend and getting the house clean because Caro gets here on Saturday. My stress levels right now are Not Great, Bob.

[twodogsoneguy]

I went to bed around one am today. Athena woke me up again around two, vomiting. I called the vet hospital to ask them about it, and about when she’d had her last antiemetic. They said that her last shot had been Saturday (lol) after admission and that it was very normal for her to have vomited bc of how long it had been. She should’ve had another pill at three yesterday afternoon so twelve hours later it makes sense that she’d puke. Puking is a part of renal failure; I don’t know exactly why but it’s one of the things taken into consideration about when euthanasia will be the correct course of action. If the dog is vomiting frequently and cannot keep down fluids and food, quality of life has decreased enough that euthanasia is probably the correct choice, however if controlled with medications you can kinda wait.

I’m trying to wait until this weekend for her euthanasia, though I don’t know if I’ll be that lucky. My mother is having surgery tomorrow, and will be in the hospital until Friday. Athena has been such a blessing to her as well, and I would love for her to be able to share in her euthanasia, however both of us have agreed that Athena’s comfort and quality of life comes first and if she declines majorly before my mom can come home we will go ahead with the euth at the best possible time.

I guess I wanna take the time on this post and talk about at home euthanasia. There’s not always a service for this, though sometimes vets will travel to your home regardless of whether they participate in a service or not. At home euthanasia is more difficult during the pandemic, though my local service is still providing this option.

There are several benefits to at home euths. First, your pet will be in a place that they are already comfortable with, and you can usually pick a spot where they will be the most at peace while they pass. It saves you the trouble and heartache of traveling to a clinic and the logistics of getting your pet transported because there are no ambulances for animals. Performing it in your own home is often easier on you as well. Another benefit not often talked about is that if you have other pets in your home, they can either witness the passing or be allowed after your pet has passed to investigate the body and understand what happened. There is also often more dignity and compassion in home euthanasia, your pet will pass without having to go through an intake at a clinic or veterinary hospital and you can have them when it’s best for you, rather than on a clinics schedule or as a last minute emergency. The service that will be taking care of Athena also provides resources for grief and mourning your pet, as well as suggestions of local resources should you need them. In addition to all of these things, like with any euthanasia there are many options for your pets aftercare, from home burial to cremation and urns and mementos that memorializes your pet.

I have personal experience with at home euthanasia already; it was how we helped my parents dog over the rainbow bridge last year. She was very old, around seventeen if the estimate of the shelter was correct, and her mobility had decreased to the point where she had very low quality of life. She had a very peaceful passing in our living room, surrounded by her family and after having lots of yummy treats. Afterwards, we were able to allow both Athena and Harley time to see her and understand what had happened to the matriarch of their little pack. It was so beneficial to both of them, while we did see grief symptoms in them, they seemed to fair better in terms of anxiety and confusion and moved on in a more relaxed way. We opted for her to be cremated alone so that only her ashes would be in the container we received. We also had them do clay imprints of her paws, which are a sweet keepsake to remember her by. We opted to not get a fancy urn for her, given that at some point I hope to bury her on my own land. There’s is something to be said for being able to watch your loved one die in the comfort of your home; I’ve also done euthanasia at a hospital and while they did everything they could to make the dog comfortable and the process as easy as possible, it hurt a lot more because it was a strange environment and you could tell she was stressed because of that in addition to her condition.

With Athena I plan to do similar things as we did with my parents dog, I will have her cremated alone and get paw prints done. I also am going to try and get an ink imprint of her paw so that I can have a memorial tattoo done when time and conditions permit. Her euth will be slightly different due to covid, we will have to practice social distancing and rather than being in our living room we will have the procedure done in the backyard per health standards in our state. I think it’s fitting though, to have her pass in her favorite portion of the “house”. She has spent countless hours in the backyard, watching the birds and the squirrels and bunnies, soaking up the sun in the summer and rolling in the snow in the winter time. I’m going to try and plan for an evening time, because the light is perfect around that time this time of the year and I want it to be as nice as possible. It’s hard to talk about these things, but I think it’s important that we start to destigmatize the conversations we have around death, dying, and euthanasia in our pets because so many people don’t know about their options and how they can help their companion pass with dignity and grace.

I will try to post more updates as we go along, though I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep up or if I’ll be in a place where I can put my emotions into words. I’ve come to terms with the fact that Athena is dying and that there really is nothing we can do except keep her comfortable until it’s her time. Renal dysplasia is a killing disease because the kidneys are malformed from birth, though you can’t always tell. These dogs never have good values in their lives, though they often tolerate the condition for a year or two before becoming very symptomatic. The fact that Athena is 2yr 7mo is a miracle, most renal dysplasia dogs have onset of symptoms much earlier and pass at around 18mo. I am so grateful for the time we have had together, and that I will be able to keep her comfortable up until the time becomes right to help her pass on. I going to miss her so much though.

[mensuckalways]

Okay so if I could get some advice from you guys that’d be great..

So my dad has been stressing me tf out majorly recently for several reasons:

-tells me im of no use to him if i cant do chores when im here at home

-constantly tells me about my mom and sometimes throws it in my face that im acting like her

-really controlling

-doesn’t want me to get a job Uptown where i can use public transport to get places because he thinks its too dangerous but I cant work in the neighborhood surrounding our house because he already complains about having to take me shopping for anything and he just works too much to be a dependable source of transportation

-wont let any friends he disaproves of or friends that are gay or black come over because hes racist and homophobic

-if i dont answer the phone he panics and calls all my friends because he requested to have their numbers in case of an emergency, but he treats every time he cant get in touch with me immediately like an emergency.. even though he can see my location AND battery percentage 24/7 through an app we both have on our phones

-if im sick he comes up with any reason to tell me why i just need to get over it and unless im burning up with fever and chills he’ll go so far as to yell at me because i wont get out of bed

-he basically is forcing me to go to UNO in the fall because he doesn’t want to take out any more loans for my college even though they’re technically my loans but since they’re parent plus loans they’re his responsibility

-he basically is trying to exhibit control over every aspect of my life yet expect me to have complete control over my situation, but when I start falling back beause of all the stress he is putting on me he blames it on me ‘always laying down’ and being lazy

-he also nags me about being on the phone constantly

-hates bringing me back and forth to my dorm room even though he constantly wants me to come home, basically doing everything in his power to keep me at home constantly, even though I have no car or bike access right now so going home for me means being trapped in the house all day during his 12 hour shifts doing chores and taking care of all these puppies my dog had 

-on top of that, when he gets home in the evening,  he wants to ‘rest’ aka lay down on the couch for an hour because hes tired from work, which i get, but then blames it on me if I wake him up too late

-wants me to stop seeing psychiatrist as much once I get on his insurance and off medicaid and food stamps, even though hes the one giving me no choice in whether i live at home or not and get on his insurance(because i cant be on medicaid living with him and his income), so basically once i stop getting free psychiatrist and therapy visits i have to only go maybe once a month because despite him making like 70k a year he says we cant afford frequent visits, even though we can afford weekend visits to the beach twice a month and going out to eat every weekend: aka, my mental health isn’t important

-he hates me taking public transport to my psychiatrist because I have to walk like two blocks down a really dangerous street but every time he brings me to an appointment i have to hear about how much of a nuisance going to my psychiatrist is because he literally tells me everything else he could be doing instead

-finds a reason to blame symptoms of my being tired or stressed out on my meds every time and occasionally asks when I’m going to get off my medication, which he knows I hate/keep in mind the only reason i even got tested for ADD and went to a psychiatrist to get medication for my anxiety, depression, and ADD was because my mom brought me behind his back because he would scream at me every time i would ask

-compares me to the ‘mentals’ on the street he sees as a policeman sometimes 

-we see a family counselor but the one appointment we went to where i opened up and told him im not trying to point fingers or criticize him like my mom would but rather i was just talking about things he did that would bother me, and a few days later he threw everything i said back in my face on the car ride back to my dorm, where i was going to hang out with someone, but because i wouldn’t sit there and argue and was just being quiet he wouldn’t drop me off, he just kept driving down the street where he would have to turn until i talked to him and basically stressed myself out fighting with him while he nagged at me about everything, and when he did finally bring me back to campus he sat at the bottom of my building and even went inside after i did asking some kid to let him in, and hugged me in the lobby crying because he was upset, basically almost making a scene while i was waiting to get on the elevator

-tells me he shouldnt have to do ‘womens work’ around the house and that i should be doing it

-if i didnt mention it already, he keeps me at home as much as possible, where he refuses to let me lock my door even when im getting dressed (he even demands i let him crack the door open just so he can ‘talk to me’ but he says he’s not looking) and he controls which friends come over, and most of my friends are on campus anyway so i havent hung out with any friends in weeks not because i dont have any but because im always in this prison referred to as my house

-wont let me be myself, i cant tell him i think im bisexual, i cant talk about any friends that arent white or he asks why im friends with them, i cant play music sung by anyone that isnt white or else he calls it ‘n***** music’, 

I just am so tired of dealing with this and people tell me i need to not let him affect me or let him stress me out so much but just typing all of this out is making my hands shake and is making me want to cry

I love my dad and im trying to be there for him but he just makes me feel like im a huge nuisance in his life

He even told me the other night that he just wants to die and that he hopes he gets shot at work

Like why do i have to hear all of this

I havent even broken down balling even though I get the urge to practically every night because im trying to keep it all together and ‘not make excuses’ but my dad is literally driving me insane yet everyone expects me to cater to him and take care of this grown ass man because my mom left him

wonder why