#also also yves is babygirl

[noob-with-a-shitty-computer]

I downloaded this game from an insta ad as a joke BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS MALLEUS DRACONIA DOING HERE OF ALL PLACES 😭😭😭😭

[clerichs-xi]

klaus when he trolls the guy he's protecting/crushing on only to realize his crush really is that out of his depth

[comfortless]

He definitely has a complex about being considered middle aged. Me personally, I see him as one of those guys that tell you they're a couple of years younger than they actually are, in the beginning, cause be feels too old for someone younger and (in his mind) 'cooler' than him.

I feel like joining the army at such a young age must've made him feel like an adult way too soon, and maybe back then he must've felt superior like 'All the people my age only care about love and having fun, I'm way too mature for those silly things'. (Could be a copping mechanism to deal with the fact that he wasn't getting love anyway, and wasn't included in all the fun his peers were having. Rejecting those things altogether are a way to take back control and make himself feel better, he's too busy becoming a real man anyway). But now that he's older he does feel like he missed out on things, and regrets not being a silly teenager when it was acceptable and expected at that age.

He makes me think of that one Yves Olade quote that goes like "I thought so many things & never said a single one aloud. I choked on such longing I couldn’t spit out. Yes, desire is so different when God bore you hungry. I could have devoured anything and still have been starving." When you get no love from your parents is one thing (still hurts) but when you get cast out in other social circles also, it makes you feel bitter like nothing else on this earth. It creates this feeling that you're the one that it's being inadequate for even daring to want connections to other people and you begin to resent people and yourself for wanting to be around them. There's this shame that settles on top of your chest when you want love but you feel like that's the cause of all your suffering in the first place, like you're doing it to yourself. This reminds me of another quote : "in front of my mother and my sisters, i pretend love is cheap and vulgar. i act like it's a sin- i pretend that love is for women on a dark path. but at night i dream of a love so heavy it makes my spine throb- i dream up a lover who makes love like he is separating salt from water." (Salma Deera, "salt"). I feel like this might apply to younger Konig, when convinced himself that love is for weak man to protect his poor heart. But now that he's older and has the money, the position and the body of a real man he needs to get a taste (just a small one, just once) of what he had missed out on in his youth. He finally feels deserving enough to attempt to have real intimacy with someone, not just quick hookups that leave him more hungry.

FEEL FREE TO NOT ANSWER THIS I'm just in a silly mood and had to psychoanalyse my babygirl real quick. Also, sorry for my English =))

how could i possibly just leave this in my inbox, anon?! this is all so correct…

thank god he wears that hood, because even on the field the sun isn’t hitting him too much - (he thinks) he can pass for early thirties. not that any lady who takes an interest in him is really considering his age much anyway, it’s always the shy “how tall did you say you were, again?”s or “what is your real name?”s that are telltale signs of interest. they ogle his build, the accomplishments he will prattle on about given the chance, the haunted look in his eyes and the strange lilt to his voice, the scars and lines only make him look cooler. if only that wasn’t such a rare treat.

he’s just in his head about things always. he missed out on the sweet, awkward dates: the mutual rush of adrenaline from holding someone’s hand for the first time, sneaky pecks in the schoolyard, passing notes and calling throughout the night. he never got to experience having his parents drop him off at the theater to take some girl from class out or… hell, even getting to go with a friend who wasn’t gossiping behind his back. König’s never gotten to live like any other, normal person, he’s been denied that since being birthed into a world that did not want him as much as he did not want it.

so, of course he’s bitter. he’s horribly bitter even now when things have finally started to fall into place for him. he’s got a stature even Adonis would be nervous around, a savings account so stocked he isn’t even sure what to do with the money, an impressive title, his own place, a car, and some of the soldiers even consider him a friend. he gets invited out every now and then, doesn’t mind downing jäger and listening to his men talk about their current affairs: what women they’re seeing, or how their children are, where they plan to go on leave. he takes to living vicariously through them. he even finds it fit to lie, pulls up a picture of some random woman every now and then to boast about how he made her come undone on his bed last leave with a stupid laugh. the truth is that no, last leave he bought a nice fleshlight, took a thirteen hour depression nap, maybe went on a long hike and had a film marathon on his own.

having a woman show him any interest immediately activates some self-destructive behavior: he’ll hound her (screw double texting, it’s moreso in the dozens. little “miss you”s and stupid accusations he immediately wishes he hadn’t sent), either withdraw into himself if he even feels slightly abandoned or become even more intense and clingy. no one’s ever loved him, not properly, so how is he supposed to know how? if his own parents hated him, then who is going to have the patience and understanding to teach him? his approaches are almost childish, the way he goes from boyish and giddy to closed off and pitiful. /: and the self-loathing only amplifies during these times, because my god he should be more disciplined than this by now. all that being said, i do think he would settle and be as well-behaved as a neglected bull could be if he feels his affection is being reciprocated. he just needs time (and a good therapist).

squealing at the poetry and how much thought you’ve put into this message. <3

Yves Olade is sooo good to quote from for him! i think that “You can have my heart if you have the stomach to take it. Kiss me hard enough to invert me.” suits him just as well, especially when it comes to the trepidation and fear amidst the sparks of him finally, truly having someone be selfless and loving with him.

König in love is a very special topic to me!! there are so many different ways this rabid dog could take to handling it and by and by he always seems to choose the most aggressive / uncanny approach, held back by a leash that no one’s ever thought to untie, constantly growling and leaping at anything that gets too close just to simmer down to whimpering and begging the second he’s pet just once!!

[wintermoonwritings]

NOT AGAIN!!!! Part 2!

Winter: Hi everyone! whoever has read my part 1 of 'NOT AGAIN!' series, they would be aware that in that story I portrayed a scenario of what if Clavis's kid, was like Chevalier in nature! in this part two, I will do a reverse scenario, 'What if Chevalier's child was like Clavis?'

Genre: Fluff!, fanfiction.

It took a while to realise, not for Chevalier, no no, not him, the moment he saw his babygirl's eyes (Eva is the name of the babygirl in this scenario) he saw that glint, that mischiveous glint he saw in Clavis's eyes when he saw him for the first time. He mentally sighed, he loved Eva but handling another prankster is going to be draining.

It took a while for Clavis to realise that his beautiful neice was actually like him! it was a beautiful sunny morning, Clavis pranced around the garden happily, humming sweet songs wondering how will he prank Yves today! suddenly everything shifted!!!

He found himself lying in a pit, his eyes gazing at the clouds and birds passing by. what...? HOW!? WHEN!??? AND WHERE!??? When in the world did he dig up this pit!? and did he even do this!? surely he would remember if he did that! then how and why? he looked up and saw a tiny figure, a toddler with a shovel, she was in a white poofy dress, her blond hair reaching till her waist, cute puffy cheeks out, her blue eyes glinting with mischief, indeed her face was expressionless much like her father, she looked like a beautiful ice doll. EVA!?

Clavis gasps and then starts laughing hysterically, oh wow! wonderful! the hellcat just found himself a partner in crime! He comes out and hugs the toddler, hoisting her up! oh you are wonderful my dear! don't worry! your uncle Clavis will teach you all my ways to prank people! do you wish to do it on your father? The five year old girl kicks her feet in excitement and nods, finally smiling elated.

The next day, When Chevalier enters his faction's work room, he sees a "wonderful" spectacle! monkeys everywhere around the room, all blank sheets scattered and fallen to the ground, in the middle of the room at his desk he sees a note, Dear, Chevie! hahaha! we have kidnapped your horse, Lucien and your sword, leave 100 chocolates at the garden at 5 pm by today evening or else forget your things existed! Team Hellcats.

The letter was signed anonymously, Chevalier takes a deep breath and sighs loudly, does nothing and walks to his private library, muttering "Fools".

The next thing they knew, Clavis and Eva are cleaning the mess of their faction's work room, after apologizing to Lucien and Chevalier's horse and also the monkeys, of course they were forced to, Clavis was also forced to sharpen and polish Chevalier's sword manually as an extra punishment for teaching his babygirl wrong manners. Thus ends the story of the two pranksters. One day gone, many more to come.

Winter: Tried my best but I wonder if it was good enough like the first of this series. Lots of love and thank you for reading!

[poursomesunaonme]

Dedicate songs to your mutuals, let them know what you think of them.✨

oh god this is gonna be hard LMAOSDFJASFJ but lets see !! ik it's been a min since i've been on here, so im only gonna do em for my mutuals that i've also seen active recently ! under the cut hehe

(update this took forever bc i dont play around with music everything has to be PERFECT)

marie (@maries-gallery) - j'espère by félix dyotte (for the soft lovey dovey vibes i literally cried the first time i heard this LMAOO)

sun (@pockcock) - ava adore by smashing pumpkins (horny vibes horny vibes its literally so hot)

charl (@sweetandtendou) - yuck by charli xcx (there are a thousand i love u infinitely but this is what im feeling rn)

lily (@tyga-lily) - criminal by fiona apple (indoctrinating u to my fav female manipulator)

taro (@dilftaroooo) - trust fund baby by amaarae (dude.)

ix (@prettyiwa) - faultline by girlpool (i had this song on repeat for MONTHS)

marq (@kweenkatsuki) - plw by leon thomas (yes this is andre from victorious and its a fucking BANGER)

phon (@saphhonic) - religion (u can lay your hands on me) by shura (this song actually changed me)

cassie (@cyancherub) - you lose! by magdalena bay (the vibes are here and they remind me of u)

aleks (@princess-okkotsu) - cologne by beabadoobee (it altered my brain chemistry thanks)

wreynn (@honey-tsuki) - sarah by alex g (im forcing the alex g agenda on u idc)

m (@stardusttoshi) - romanticist by yves tumor (im making u a playlist)

moni (@monirei) - crush by solange (gives me major monirei vibes)

kat (@ryukatters) - maurine by say hi (I CANT DESCRIBE IT I CANT)

elle (@f4irycafe) - soft by babygirl (hehehe it's precious)

b (@eldiandiablo) - restless year by ezra furman (its so fun i have to do a little jig every time i hear it)

juliana (@sparklekitteh) - falling by florence + the machine (it had to be her and it was so hard to choose asljdfe)

soph (@astridthevalkyrie) - armistice by phoenix (i can't explain it but here we are)

siri (@bagsyy) - agnes by glass animals (i love this and i love u)

aman (@thegetoufather) - anthems for a seventeen-year-old girl by broken social scene (this altered my brain chemistry as a child thanks)

eliza (@postwarlevi) - when u love somebody by fruit bats (please i cant help but think of u)

fiona (@fionarara) - 400 lux by lorde (a classic for a bestie)

juney (@whats-her-quirk) - midnight by toby sebastian and florence pugh (the first time i heard this i thought of jean LMAO)

scribbs (@nighttimescribbles) - i'll come running (to tie your shoe) by brian eno (this song is so sweet and asldfje)

fawn (@dearbraus) - strawberries by caamp (please i think you'd love this one)

mica (@princesskazuya) - this is the day by the the (this is one of my favs of all time)

luxE (@fuwushiguro) - best to you by blood orange (IM GOING ON A FEELING HERE)

angel (@bakatenshii) - friendly machine by yeule (i feel like you'd love their music omg)

yall join in too ! this is so sweet <3 my love language is sooo totally music !

[cloudcountry]

Okay so maybe spoilers about Yves route from ikepri I still don't know what imma say but

OMG I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS GUY

first of this 🫶

Omg the flirting?!?! Hhellooooo

Everything about his character I love

His design ? I love

His personality? I love

His story ??? I ADORE

I haven't been this obsessed w a character since Lucius from wizardess heart which was 3 years ago

Also this is Lucius :

But back to the subject Yves route is so good Idk if the others are going to be as good or he's gonna set my hopes too high

Like c'mon how can you not love him

LOOK AT HIS SMILE HE'S SO PRECIOUS I LOVE HIM

.

.

It feels good to fangirl and let it all out sometimes 😗

i am now intrigued by wizardess heart??? i looked it up and it sounds like something i would have been OBSESSED with liek four years ago>???/ A MAGIC SCHOOL? SIGN ME UP!!!

I HAVE THAT SAME FEAR W ISAAC LIEK??? WHAT IF YOURE SO BABYGIRL I CAN NEVER ENJOY ANYONES ROUTE EVER AGAIN. WHAT THEN. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW HUH :((((

please talk about yves whenever you want to, you might draw me into ikepri hell and tbh im kinda here for it

[cultish-reblogs]

“I'm gonna make sure you don't regret saving me!" You're already regretting being born. made me CACKLE

also monty calling yves a queer freak is so funny bc babygirl you are having a queer freak out right now 😭 you are fighting a man bc you want his boyfriend sweetheart that’s pretty gay.

however it does lead to the hilarious conclusion that is now my headcanon for my personal reader in this story which is that he simply doesn’t pass at all and doesn’t correct people on it because that’s scary hey look it’s me irl and so monty just thinks he’s a girl. and is like… vaguely homophobic in that southern-born-dysfunctional-christian-family way. and then eventually learns that hey, that’s a guy, and is like shit. i’m gay now. oh shit. I Have To Apologize To Noel .

Best and Worst of Both worlds (part 9)

Tw: monty being a fuckin creep, vomiting, the girls are fightingggg, so blood and violence, yves being a dick and elitist, using the word queer in a derogatory manner

DAMN i was expecting the votes to be like to go to the uni cause Yves is hottest choice rn

anyways if u guys read the original series where Monty was from, u would know he's like a sub but his behavior depends on the reader, he's actually a switch

tanks for reading, pls send in anon asks, reblog or comments i love 2 hear yalls thoughts and it keeps me going PLSPLSPLS I AM DESPERATEEE

Part 10

The mall it is. You've been visiting the university too much to escape your home and to take your dreaded exams, despite having air conditioning, you're going to feel miserable there. You barely have friends in the university aside from Yves. A change of scenery would be nice, to note down the things you wanted for yourself.

You tried to decide how you feel about Yves. The urge to run away from him and hide is there, but it's not as strong anymore. Because he already saw it all. The mold, your room, your tears, your puke... you can't possibly embarrass yourself again to that degree, right? The worst should be over.

And, he did say it himself; he is interested in you too. So... it should be safe to proceed with this weird relationship. You think. He's already doing way more than what a lover typically does, let alone someone who you barely went on a first date with.

You shouldn't be afraid of bumping into him. He's not going to bite your head off, you hope.

And speak of the devil, you received a text from him.

"(Name), this is Yves. I hope you slept well. Please reply to me as soon as you wake up."

You bit the inside of your cheek, you held onto your bag tightly as the bus drove over a hump.

It's not like he could see that you read it. You don't know what he is going to say next, once you respond.

But it's rude to just leave him hanging like that. He's probably going to find out you're ignoring him anyways.

Might as well text him back. You told him that you're now awake. He must be a fast typer because you received a message a few seconds later.

"Good afternoon, how are you feeling?"

You replied that you're feeling fine.

"I assume you are currently resting at home?"

You don't know if you should lie. But then he could easily find out the truth by asking your housemates. So you let out a defeated sigh and told him the half-truth. You said no. That was it, you didn't elaborate further.

"Where are you? Did you at least apply sunscreen?"

You replied that you're now getting off the bus. You're going to text him back later. After that, you put your phone into your pocket.

You walked away from the bus stand and looked at the billboards littered all over the area. It takes a six-minute walk to get to the Mall, maybe a bit longer because your usual path is blocked by a construction job. The workers gave the pedestrians an alternative pathway to travel.

As you start walking, you wonder why was the bus stop never built directly in front of its entrance. It's such a nuisance to get there if you don't own a car.

You frown because the sun is beating against your head, you're among a group of people being funneled into this other path and you're starting to overheat. You remembered Yves packed a UV ray-blocking umbrella, so you went ahead and took it out. You opened it and shielded yourself from the rays, sighing in relief as you felt coolness instantly wash over you.

You were minding your own business and fighting your own inner demons until suddenly a large hand clamped itself onto your shoulder. You let out a surprised yelp and a jolt at the unexpected contact, this cannot be Yves's because it's too calloused and careless, mildly hurting you in the process.

"Joe?"

Who?

You turned whipped your head to the back and saw the person who paid for your poisoned meal. He took your umbrella off your hands, making you hiss at the sun.

"It really is you!" His eyes lit up and the corners of his mouth curled up into a wide, happy grin. "How ya' been? I didn't see you yesterday. Where were ya?"

You eyed him up and down, he's in uniform.

"I'm on my break right now." His hand guided your back. "C'mon, let me treat you lunch."

You said that you had food poisoning from the place you ate with him. And you asked what he meant by "Didn't see you yesterday".

His jaw dropped in shock at your words.

"It really sucks to hear that, so that's why you look a lil' too thin today. I guess you're just not used to their cookin'. I was fine and dandy." You and him seem to move along with the crowd aimlessly.

You repeated your question about what he meant by not seeing you yesterday.

"I came by your school 'cause I got you some Chinese. I couldn't find ya' and no one seems to know who the hell was I talkin' about. Why didn't ya' call me? I was waitin' all night for your voice."

Luckily you gave him the fake name of "Joe M." on your first meeting with him. But it's not like he would have gotten any information on you anyway, you're invisible in your university. Unless he happened to come across Yves, which you doubt he will divulge him about you.

You just said 'oh'.

"Hope you're feelin' better though. Hey, I know a great place to get some hearty chicken soup. It's gotta be good for your belly, it sure helped me when I'm sick as a dog." You took notice of his deepening southern accent.

You're starting to feel uncomfortable around this man, he's wrapping his arm around your shoulder like he's your boyfriend.

You said that you were full, you had something to eat earlier.

"Aw shucks. That's fine, I'll just hang out with you till my break's over." He ruffled your hair affectionately, laughing as you tried to smoothen it out.

You don't like him. Who does he think he is? You're barely even acquaintances with him. But you think it's safer to play along until you find an opportunity to escape, there is no way you could fight off a 6'5 man who lifts steel pillars for a living.

"You got any plans this weekend? I wanna take you out to have fun, you must've spent all your time studyin', and that's good! Education is important. But you gotta loosen up a little 'cause life is short!" Montgomery is either oblivious to or disregards your uncomfortable body language.

You said you made plans already. He momentarily looked dejected, but he reverted back to his cheerful self when he thought of something.

"What about next week? I heard there is a festival goin' on by the pier. There's going to be a Ferris wheel, cotton candy, funnel cakes--"

You decided to rip the bandaid off and straight up tell him that you're not interested in pursuing a relationship with him. Since there were witnesses, you wriggled out of his hold and waited to see what he would do to you. Hoping that he would just respectfully leave you alone but expecting to be angrily punched right in front of everyone.

He was stunned, speechless for a moment until there was a strange glimmer in his eyes that was concealed by his shaggy, brown hair.

"...You're playing hard to get."

A horrified, incredulous look crossed your face. Absolutely not! What makes him think of you that way? You took a couple steps backward as he tried to get closer.

"I see how it is, sweetheart. You want me to chase you, don't ya'?" He playfully pinched both of your cheeks. You wince, struggling to pull his hands off.

You genuinely do not understand why he has this impression of you. As anyone would do, you vehemently denied it.

"Aww, look at you. Red-faced and all." He giggled, grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you away from the main foot traffic so he could toy with you in private. "If you weren't into me, you would have left me to die that night. I may not be the richest or the most handsome..." his smile faltered when it came to the topic of his looks. "...but I know you saw something in me! I'm gonna make sure you don't regret saving me!" You're already regretting being born.

You called him crazy, anyone would have helped him! You're no one special, he teasingly rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that, beautiful. Anything to help you sleep at night."

You were adamant that you're not interested and you already have a boyfriend! But this doesn't seem to faze him, he just bent down to your level and placed his hands behind his back.

"Oh yeah? Where is he then? Get outta here, you don't have one. At least, not yet." He winked at you.

Yeah. He is impossible to reason with.

You argued that you do. In fact, he is right behind Montgomery!

He's definitely not believing you, but he turns around anyway to see... no one, as expected.

"I don't see him, do you-- huh?" He was momentarily dumbfounded when all there was in front of him was air.

You managed to blend in with the crowd and successfully entered the mall. You ran into the nearest retail store and hid behind one of the shelves. Everyone was too busy shopping to care what someone shaking like a leaf was doing crouching in the baby and maternal department.

Your hand trembled as you pulled your phone out to see Yves sent you another text.

"Take care. Send me a text message as soon as possible. I will give you a call fifteen minutes later if I do not hear from you by then."

It's been 12 minutes since he sent that text. The next reasonable course of action is to seek comfort and safety from Yves. You thought Montgomery was unhinged and delusional, he thinks you're his just because you saved him that night. You cared as much as everyone else, no one wanted to see another person die if they could help it! But he took it as some ultimate love confession for him.

Then you realize that you should have run as soon as you first rejected him. You hit yourself on the head, he must have thought all the attention you gave him trying to explain yourself was a green light for him to go forward!

You called yourself stupid for not catching this earlier. There's not much you could do now except tell Yves you don't feel safe.

You texted Yves your exact location, even down to the aisle and section. Your texts are a series of panic-induced typos begging him to pick you up because you're scared.

"I will be there in 15 minutes. Is it safe for me to call you?"

You disregarded that text and just dialed his number.

"(name)?" It was so good to hear his smooth, calm voice. Your blood pressure momentarily dropped but rose back again after remembering why you called him in the first place.

You frantically explained what had happened, even your first meeting with Montgomery and the takeaway that gave you food poisoning. Spilling everything even though you didn't mean to, but you're just scared and trapped in a store. You felt upset that he had the umbrella, you apologized and-

"Raise your hand above your head for me, please." He cut you off. You did exactly what he asked, now distracted from your ranting.

"Inhale, following my count." He counted up to four.

"Hold." He counted to seven.

"Exhale." You breathed out for eight seconds. He repeated the cycle a few more times until he could tell you calmed down. Montgomery wouldn't find you from where you're hiding.

"Very good." He praised. "You may put your hand down."

You forgot about that, so you quickly retract your arm to your side.

"I will stay on the line with you until I arrive. Do you understand, (name)?" You gulped and said a shaky yes.

"Stay where you are. You're safe there." He continued. Yves sounded so confident in his answers that you can't help but trust him fully.

You wished you had friends. You wouldn't need to solely rely on him if you did.

"What did you think of the breakfast I made for you?" He asked, in a tone and cadence as if he was casually chatting up with his partner about their day. But you can tell he's speeding through the highways by the intense humming of his car engine.

You said that it's nice. You thanked him for taking care of you.

"I'm happy you enjoyed it. I will be making chicken soup for you tonight, did you apply sunscreen before leaving the house?"

You paused for a while, trying to remember what you did. You eventually tell him no.

"It is important for you to protect your skin. Remember to do so next ti--"

The call suddenly dropped. Your heart started beating wildly again, what happened? You pulled your phone away from your ear and looked at the screen.

You let out a visceral scream that caught everyone's attention, your phone battery is dead.

Seeing that you caused a scene, you flee the store out of embarrassment, forgetting about Yves telling you your original spot is the safest place for you to be in. Now with no means of contacting your savior and being out in the open like this, your brain starts to short-circuit. You begin running aimlessly in no particular direction.

All this stress and explosive physical exertion on you right after a bout of illness is making you queasy again.

But you kept going, just... roaming around while periodically looking over your shoulders. Customers and staff alike were staring at you, thinking that you were suffering from some sort of inner turmoil or drug abuse issues. However, they knew better than to intercept.

However, you focused too much on your back, and not too much on the front.

You slammed into a sturdy pillar, lost your balance, and fell back onto your rear.

"Whoa! You alright?" Except that pillar can speak. And it was the last person you want to see right now. Concern riddled his face as he crouched down to help you up. "This is fun and all, but you gotta watch where you're goin-"

At that moment, your stomach decided to empty itself onto Montgomery's chest. He grimaced as you continued to spew and release more vomit from your mouth.

--

Yves knows where you are. He knew your phone battery died, Yves is just mildly annoyed he didn't catch the fact that one of your room outlets was faulty. It so happened to be the one you used to charge your phone.

Yves pushed the door of the mall's clinic open, glaring daggers at Montgomery as he spotted him waiting on the bench, covered in your puke; noting his filthy fingers wrapping the handle of your bag. He was taken aback by this sudden hostility from an apparent stranger, he looked at Yves confused, what did he ever do to him? Was he offended that he happened to be covered in someone else's throw-up? What a stuck-up bitch!

Yves took his wallet out of his handbag and walked up to the receptionist. He shared a few hushed words with her and spared a couple of unkind glances for Montgomery. The woman behind the counter had both eyebrows raised momentarily before she nodded and picked up a phone. While speaking to someone unknown on the other side of the line, she accepted Yves's credit card.

Soon after, she handed him a clipboard and a pen. He had to sign something before receiving a receipt.

Montgomery looked him up and down with equal animosity, his eyes trailing behind Yves as he took the seat opposite of him.

The dark-haired male elegantly crossed his legs and rested his hands on his knee. Now a blank expression took over his beautiful face. Montgomery took note of his feminine demeanor including his usage of makeup. He somehow deluded himself that he was better than Yves even though he was hunched over, resting his forearms on his thighs while spreading his legs.

Montgomery tried to look away and ignore this stranger. But he couldn't, because Yves was burning holes through his head with his constant stare.

This really ruffled Montgomery's feathers. He's clearly trying to start something.

"What the hell is your problem?"

All eyes landed on Montgomery. Young or old, they're now invested in this sudden outburst.

"What do you mean?" Replied Yves calmly as he tilted his head to the side to feign ignorance.

"You're lookin' at me like you wanted to fight!" Montgomery finally sat up straight while accusing Yves. Meanwhile, the graceful man placed a hand on his chest to express disbelief.

"I do not understand this explosive reaction from you, I have done nothing wrong." Yves's long eyelashes fluttered as he blinked, already winning the hearts of the public. It ticked Montgomery off so bad. For some reason, this androgynous person is making him angrier than usual. Maybe it's because Yves's old money aura reminded him of every city girl and boy who fucked him over emotionally, socially, financially, or physically.

It was quite unusual, Montgomery would usually just not engage with these citizens. But today, Yves is exceptionally infuriating while doing the least. He even smelled the same as those rich bastards, they all must be using the same cologne.

A mere five minutes had elapsed since they first met, yet Montgomery despised him with every fiber of his being.

Yves knows his own effect on the construction worker.

"Don't play with me! You had that stupid look on your face, what have I done to you, huh!?" He rose from his seat.

A ghost of a smile graced Yves's otherwise serious face. That simpleton took the bait.

"Please calm down. You're causing a scene out of nothing." Yves continued provoking him. Mothers began to leave the room with their children, and other patients quietly changed their seats to be further away from the two men.

"Why you-" Something distracted him from his rage.

Yves turned his head and saw you slowly dragging yourself out of the hallway, carrying a prescription slip in one hand and cradling your stomach in the other. You look pale and exhausted as you limp towards the waiting room.

"Joe!" Montgomery called out for you. "Are you alright? What did ya' doctor say?"

You were spooked, you froze in your tracks. Not noticing that Yves is a few steps away from you.

"Dear." You snapped your neck to the source of the quiet but assuring voice. Yves is now standing tall, his arms open for you to run into.

And so, you did. You buried your face in his chest, refusing to see the other man. Yves had a pleased smile as he picked your prescription script from your hands, he slid it into his handbag. Right after, he wrapped his arms around you.

The room was eerily quiet. Everyone was holding their breaths, wondering what was going to happen.

You felt Yves stroke your hair. But you couldn't see or hear anything. So you lift your head a little to see what was going on, he rested his palm on your shoulder.

Montgomery has his eyes open so wide staring at your boyfriend. His mouth is open but soundless. The veins on his forehead and arm were throbbing while he trembled uncontrollably.

"Do you know him, my love? He seems dangerous. You know you shouldn't mingle around men like him, they're usually raised by dysfunctional families- sometimes, they don't even have one." Yves asked you, soft enough for no one else to hear, but loud enough that his pathetic excuse of a rival absorbed every word. This was the last straw for Montgomery.

Finally, he dropped your bag to the ground before launching himself against Yves. Your boyfriend pushed you out of harm's way as he allowed himself to get tackled by the unstable male.

Yves closed his eyes as he took a devastating punch to the face, he was flung to the side from the force and it left a reddish mark on his once pristine face.

"Fuck you! The fuck you mean that's 'your love', you don't mean shit to them!" Montgomery yelled in Yves's ear, and a struggle ensued between them.

Screams and shouts filled the clinic, and the patients present all ran out of the room. Those who stayed tried to film the tussle. Some doctors and customers poked their heads out of the consultation rooms to see what the commotion was all about.

Whereas you grabbed your bag and went outside, securing your safety behind the tempered glass walls.

"You think you better than me?! I'll teach you a fucking lesson to be humble!" Montgomery swung at him again, but Yves dodged in time and utilized his long, slender legs to trip him. Now that he has gotten what he wanted out of this scenario, Yves allows himself to defend his own body.

He got up fairly quickly and tried to land another punch, but Yves grabbed his wrist on time and used minimal force to twist his arm against his back. Montgomery cried out in pain as his limb was contorted to an unnatural position. Being an opportunist, Yves took his chance to strike his broken rib using the side of his hand.

This made Montgomery's legs buckle on itself. You silently cheered for Yves as he subdued the creep on the cold hard tiles.

He pressed a heel against his chest, right behind on fractured bone. So Montgomery was powerless against him.

Yves reached for his handbag and pulled his phone out. He dialed emergency services and reported Montgomery as being aggressive, being a danger to the general public.

"Bullcrap! Fuck you asshole! I will kill you!" Screeched the man currently being stepped on and humiliated in front of his object of obsession. Unfortunately for him, the operator heard his threat towards Yves, increasing your boyfriend's credibility.

He tried to grab his leg, but Yves only drove his sharp heel deeper into his ribs, knocking the air out of him and making stars appear in his vision.

At the same time, the mall security arrives with their batons.

They took over from there, it took more than ten of them to try and get Montgomery under control. He was like a bull seeing red, only goal was to try and disfigure the pretty boy's face as much as possible.

He was forcefully expelled from the premises while kicking, howling, and straining. You saw the tears of anguish in his eyes as he cussed everyone out for treating him as subhuman, he wished horrible fates on all who witnessed but stood by. He was shouting incoherently about having everything stolen from him by the rich, he had one thing good going on but a billionaire had to come along and take you away from him.

He vowed to take what was rightfully his and punish the bad, especially Yves who he referred to as "That fucking queer freak".

Eventually, though, his yelling became inaudible as he got further and further away. The others returned to their day, dispersing as nothing else interesting was going on.

You walked up to Yves, who is now gently dabbing his bleeding nostrils with a folded piece of tissue. He smiled at you, caressing your cheek with his thumb.

"Well done." He praised. Disposing of the soiled napkin into a trashcan nearby.

You said you didn't contribute to anything good. In fact, you're the one who caused all this.

"Don't think too lowly of yourself." He picked up a hairbrush from his bag and started fixing your hair. You looked at his face.

The patch around his nose and under his left eye is already starting to bruise, swelling to a degree that he can only see out of his right. Red dripped down his chin and onto the floor, splattering into many dots.

You look around and see the broken pot, flipped chair, and scattered magazines.

You shudder, asking Yves if you could go home.

"Not yet, (name). The police should be here soon, they have to take my statement." He invited you into his arms, and you snuggled into him as his blood dripped onto you too.

"I packed you something to eat." He softly pried you off him. Reaching for his handbag once again, he retrieved a square container before handing it to you.

You opened it to see a sandwich. It's intentionally bland to accommodate your current weak stomach. As if on cue, your belly growled. However, Yves stopped you from devouring it.

"Always sanitize your hands before eating." He squeezed a good amount of hand sanitizer on your palms. Yves only handed the meal back to you after he was satisfied with your application.

You sit on a chair as you take bites off it. Yves sat next to you too, this time he was tidying his luscious black hair with the same brush and compact mirror.

You continued munching on as you heard distant sirens growing louder.

[pupvivi]

thoughts on subby yves over dom yves?

I do love babygirl Yves a lot, mainly because she acts like she's so tough, but when the camera pans over to her she's pouting or beaming like a baby.

So to answer your question: yes I love subby Yves but only with certain members

I also love service top Yves as well

Especially with her short hair being tugged as she goes down on someone

[whitestopper]

Yves - Cheerleader (follows a cheerleader cracking under pressure, be that the one she receives from her peers or from wider society; throughout the song, she addresses someone important to her, asking them to join her)

Chuu - Flirting With Her (follows a girl’s crush on another girl - though intimacy is hinted at, it is also hinted that the girl she likes has someone else, but the singer remains fond and exhilarated by her feelings)

Go Won - Heels (follows a girl who, upset by a reveal of someone’s true character, decides to take things into her hands - running to safety, she decides to break their expectations)

Olivia Hye - Haunted House (follows a girl who has found herself unable to connect to her friends; although they appear happy, she cannot bring herself to join them, instead focusing on just surviving alone)

Anyway, Crush On Me (the album) was made for yyxy

[flushcherry-blog]

The thrill of it all | Kim Yugyeom

This is my first time ever writing, and I really wanted to share it somewhere. I hope you like it :)   (gif credit @jypnior​)

Kim Yugeyom, Got7 x female reader/pairing

Genre: Angst (?), some fluffy moments

Word Count: 5.9k

Summary: With love comes happiness, but also unhappiness. With love comes sorrow, but also passion. His selfishness and the need for her attention and love keeps him making her crave him. He hurt himself by hurting her, but he couldn't stop. It was something thrilling about it.

It was nothing new this feeling. This feeling of regret. Sorrow. Rejection. Unhappiness. I had felt this feeling too many times to count. Being in a relationship with someone so loved but also so disliked; it brought insecurities to you. The arrogance of a person knowing about the effect they had on someone, positive or negative. His constant need and thrive to get accepted, acknowledged and seen by everyone made our relationship vulnerable. It hurts me more than anything when I think back about how I felt during those times. When I had to fight with everyone around me for my boyfriend's attention. The attention that any partner would desire and the need they have from their partner; that was non-existent.

“I will love you ‘til I die. I will love you from this day on to forever” he said, and I wanted to believed him. It is hard being in a relationship that no one knows about, but you. To you, he is your whole world. He is the first person you think about when you wake up in the morning. He is the one that does not let you forget that everything around you is a reminder of him:

The black-haired stranger walking in front of you on the street. The shadows and contours from the stranger’s body from behind reminding you of his. His back and concentrated expression for messing up your breakfast surprise for the second time that morning. The colour red from the memory of his swollen lips after you two kiss for too long. The song playing in the mall making you remember yours and his’s song. The same song he sent you one evening just because he thought of you and missed you. Everything reminds you of him, at the same time as no one knows about you. No one knows about the girl receiving flowers and getting songs written about her, and the truth is; he liked it that way. He liked the thought of having something in private for himself, something out of the spotlight. But I know he had another reason.

//

It was Thursday morning when he woke me up intoxicated. His voice dropping in volume as he called me by my various nicknames. Baby. Sunshine. Babygirl. My heart fluttered every time I heard those words leaving past his lips. Those words starting an internal war inside of me. “You did amazing tonight. I’m proud over you” my fingers go through his perfectly made hair as I smile at him. He and the rest of the boys had their first performance this year, and being in the company with some of the biggest groups in the industry, I was proud of him. I knew how nervous he was, the thought of messing up and his constant need to get accepted, acknowledged and seen by everyone making him nauseous. He practised day after day, night after night. Coming home late in the evenings or early in the mornings. The next time being even more tired than the time before.

*

His lips curled up into an intoxicated smile as his eyes fought to close. Almost like he fought with himself to get one last glance at her before his eyes screwed shut. He kept his gaze on her for a couple of seconds before moving to pull hair behind her ear. His fingertips grazing her cheek as his hands brush down her neck. “I thought of you the whole time” the words left his lips faster than he anticipated. Almost as if he regretted saying them, the thought of blaming his intoxicated mental state for any comments made tonight. But the truth is: he didn’t lie. He really did think about her the whole time that evening. The thought of how beautiful she is when she looks up at him as he speaks. Her eyes going over every feature of his face. He loved that about her. The constant attention and love she gave him. The constant reassurance and support for his worries. The problem is; one part of her couldn’t believe him, and one part of him couldn’t let her love him. He felt knives were digging deeper and deeper into his soul as the memories of the two of them resurfaced. The memories he had pushed away the last couple of months. He did not know why he still held her this close to him when he felt this way. His feelings for her, somehow deep down still reminding him of how he felt for her at the beginning of their relationship. He knew how she felt, he did not need to hear the words leaving her mouth. He knew how that every time he pulled her closer, she drifted further and further away from him. He felt bad. Because he wanted to love her, and he wanted to let her love him, and he does love her. Deep down. But the selfishness and his own problems caused him to let the demons inside win. He had held onto her for too long, both of them knew it. She: fighting for his love and attention, and him: fighting against his own conscience about what is right or wrong. But when she drags her fingers through his hair something inside him makes him want to stop time and stay in the moment forever. The moment with her and the moment when they are just them.

His selfishness and the need for her attention and love keeps him making her crave him. He hurt himself by hurting her, but he couldn’t stop. It was something thrilling about it.

//

I had an easier time than usual falling asleep that evening, now being used to the feeling of going to bed on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that with his work comes opportunities, award shows being one of them. But why do I have to fight for him to love me? Why do I have to fight him for me to be able to love him? Why do I have to fight for him to love me the way I love him, to see me and kiss me like the first time? I’m right over here. Why can’t he see me?

Regret. Sorrow. Unhappiness.

Love. Happiness. Passion.

I had spent the evening watching the award show in bed. Switching channel every now and then for being too anxious when I see the quick glances of him and the rest of the boys. Running myself a hot bath in the middle of it, I needed to relax and to get my mind off of everything. I don’t know what my life is like right now, why it is this way. My friends keep telling me to call it off, as the voice inside of my head is starting to get louder and louder to do the same. You deserve better, you can not keep doing this. You can’t keep fighting for something that both of you know is not the same as it once were. I do not want to believe my friends, even though I deep down know that they are right. But this feeling, this feeling of regret. Sorrow. Rejection. Unhappiness. The feeling leaves a damaging scar inside of me, but there is also something so thrilling about it.

                                                           //

The water was hot against my skin, my face tight with my face mask drying. The scent of lavender flowing around the bathroom as I closed my eyes, a deep breath leaving my lips. I needed this. This time for myself, even though I’ve had too much time alone the past couple of months. Falling asleep with him beside me, being lonelier than ever. It was something different with being alone at this moment. My body fell deeper into the water as the bubbles tickled the surface of my skin, my skin burning because of the hot water surrounding me. I did not want to stay in the water for too long, not wanting to miss him performing and possibly winning the anticipated award. My thoughts drifting away and the next thing I know the water was cold. The smell of the smoke from my candles filled the bathroom as I climbed out of the deep bathtub, holding tightly against the edge of it. Being remembered about the last time I was in this bathtub, with him behind me. Kissing down my neck and back, fingers around my hips. Sighing, I get dressed and move back to my bed. Our bed. Cotton sheets melting with my soft skin as I turn down the volume on the television. Just as I get into bed they announce them: Seven guys dressed in all Yves Saint Laurent. Their black tuxedos and all glittery details catch my attention as they get into their positions, the music starting.

Girl, when everyone is asleep.

You have taken my heart.

For some reason, I want to hug you again, just tonight

You always fill up my side

And I’m singing a love song. You know it

Don’t say goodbye, just tonight

I left my side open for you

I feel proud when I watch them. Their bodies moving against each other in a manufactured rhythm, their voices melting together in perfect harmony. The song makes me want to cry and smile at the same time, the lyrics digging a deeper hole into me. Is he thinking about us when he is singing? Does this song bring up as many memories, positive and negative, for him as for me? I can’t stop the thoughts from forming, as selfish as it is. This performance isn’t about us, it is about them. Their success and finally being able to perform on the same stage as some of the biggest artists in the industry. It was something they had wanted and worked towards for so long.

The award was close to the end when I decided to turn off the television and drift to sleep. Not texting him due to believing the fact that he would be home in a few moments, an hour max, or so I thought.

//

“Bro, you should slow down. Don’t go too crazy” Jackson tells me as he grabs the class out of my hand. He looks at me with hazed eyes, drunk himself. I know he did it for a good cause, but I could not stop from getting pissed off. Who the fuck is he to tell me what to do and not to do? I am already annoyed as it is, and now he is going to tell me how much I can and can’t drink? Get the fuck out of here. He should worry about himself instead of me, coming at me acting like he is the perfect one here. I glare at him as I grab my second glass, the drink burning my throat as I swallow. Fuck, this feels good.

“He is right you know, you need to calm down bro. What is bothering you?” Youngjae’s voice echoes in my ears as he puts his hands on my shoulder. I wanted to tell him that it was her. Her, someone I couldn’t get my mind off of even how much I drank and tried. Both good and bad memories filling up my mind, her face flashing before my eyes. Honestly, I should be at home with her right now. Her body in our bed, waiting for me to come home. Coming home one night without being drunk or with an attitude. God, I hated being distant towards her, but I can’t help it. I love her more than my life itself, she is the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. She, also being the one I can’t love, and I can’t let her love me. During our months together, years even, I have kept her as close as I could with also keeping her as far away from me as possible. Her fighting for my attention as I craved it more and more. I hate myself for breaking her. I don’t know when this started, this feeling inside of me. My constant need and thrive to get accepted, acknowledged and seen by everyone making our relationship vulnerable. Memories of other women being beneath me, as I imagined that it was her. When I could just as easily be at home, and that image would turn into reality. I hate myself for treating her this way. I love her too much to do this to myself. And to her.

I remember the moment when I told her. “I’ll love you til’ I die, I will love you from this day on to forever” She was laying with her head in my lap, looking more beautiful than ever. Her eyes flicking between mine as the words left past my lips. She didn’t believe me, I saw it in how the way she closed her eyes before smiling up at me. “You’ll forget in time” she told me before repositioning herself in my lap. And as the years went slowly by, she still preyed upon my mind.

As I open my eyes again I meet Youngjae’s gaze; I knew exactly what he is thinking. I know that he knows, it’s not a secret that my relationship has been rocky the last couple of months. All of the boys knew about it. I can still remember the disappointment in his eyes when he caught me arriving at our shared hotel room later than anticipated. My lips sore and my voice raspy, with my girlfriend laying in our shared bed in another country. I scrubbed my skin a little too hard that night, wanting to erase all of the memories and the invisible marks still glued on my body. Even though you couldn’t see them, I could feel them. I could feel that girls fingertips left on my body, her lips tracing my skin. The thoughts disgusted me, I disgusted myself. I couldn’t believe what I just did, not that it was the first time I cheated. But that night was different. Different because I didn’t feel like I needed to get off, I didn’t feel like I needed to meet someone at that moment, but I did, and in a way that is even worse. “Well, my love life is not a dance on roses I can tell you that.” I laughed to cover up the obvious voice crack that left my lips. He caught it anyway. I don’t know why I try to act tough in front of them, the boys know me better than I know myself, and it is not right that I act this way.

“You should stop that shit. It is not right how you treat her, she has supported you since day one and you keep fucking girls behind her back” Jackson jumped into the conversation again. Eyes wide open as he watched the situation curiously. “You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I know that I keep treating her like shit, huh? It’s not like I enjoy treating her this way” I slump down in my seat, the alcohol buzzing through my veins. Fuck, I will have an awful headache tomorrow. The rest of the boys ended their hectic conversation, now keeping all their attention on us three. Jackson and Youngjae shaking their heads, the mood change being obvious. “I’m just telling you bro, she loves you too much for her own good, and you will hurt her even more if you don’t break it off or get your shit together” Jackson’s voice got deeper as he spoke, the alcohol making him slur on his words but his message clear. The other boys agreeing with him with mumbled ”mhm’s” and nods.

Two hours and a couple of drinks later I stumble into the hallway of our apartment. The scent of burned out candles fill my nostrils as I kick my shoes into a corner, stumbling over my own feet. I know that she is asleep, this situation being more usual than ever. I undress on my way to our bedroom, the sight of her making me stop right in my tracks. There she lays, her body under the covers as the light from the television is flashing against her skin. Fuck, why do I keep doing this? I turn the television off as I get closer to the bed, the feeling of my body sinking down the mattress making her stir in her sleep. Her brown eyes stare tiredly at me as she smiles, moving into a more comfortable position, allowing me in the bed with her. I can see the disappointment behind her eyes, her smile quickly vanishing as she notices my drunken state. “I’m sorry I woke you up baby” my voice comes off quieter than normal, being afraid of being in the way. Bby, sunshine and baby girl are some of her nicknames I’ve given her during our time together. One year, 11 months and 13 days to be exact. The nicknames leave my lips in a whisper as I get closer to her, my hand landing on the side of her stomach. The smooth skin making me miss her being close to me. “You did amazing tonight. I’m proud over you” She tells me as her fingers go through my hair. Fuck, I love when she does that. My eyes roll in the back of my head as I see a smile gracing her lips. That is the smile I love, the honest smile full of love and adoration. The smile that makes me want to regret every single fucked up thing I have ever done to her.

My brain makes me smile before I can process it, my eyes fighting to close. But I wanted to keep looking at her, her beauty surprising me every second that passed. Her eyelashes falling against her cheeks as she blinked, later showing her beautiful eyes. Her eyes divine, speaking with love and tenderness. Her eyes, a million stars in them. The picture of innocence. “I thought of you the whole time” I tell her as I pull her hair behind her ear. I almost regret telling her, the demons inside of me not wanting to give in to the situation happening. But the truth is; I did think of her the whole time. The thought of how beautiful she is when she looks up at me as I speak. Her eyes going over every feature of my face. I love that about her. The constant attention and love she gives me. The constant reassurance and support of my worries. She is the one I thought about when we won our award. Because she has supported me more than anyone else.

//

Then, he came home a week later after being in Japan for work. His body anxious about finally seeing her, their fight over the phone a day earlier made him angrier at himself than he has ever been. His stressful surroundings making him take it out on her, and her uneven breaths leaving his speaker phone as she cried for the thousandth time. He had flowers in his hand as he turned the key inside the lock, butterflies of anxiety in his stomach as he desired to meet her. To kiss her and to apologize. For real this time. A frown showed up on his face as he opened the door, being met with nothing but silence. And at that moment he knew. He knew that he had fucked up for real and he knew at that moment that it was over.

Emptiness. Regret. Sorrow. Rejection. Unhappiness.

The emotions got louder and louder inside of him for every second that passed. He felt like he was close to passing out. The walls bouncing off a loud scream of her name as he fell to his knees. Flowers hitting the wall closest to him on the way. He couldn’t stop the tears from running down his cheeks, having to balance himself so he wouldn’t fall even harder. His throat burning because of the screams leaving his lips, the loss for oxygen as it felt like he would drown. He needed to get himself up to breathe, but he couldn’t. He was stuck, falling deeper and deeper into the hole of death. His throat closing more for every moment passing by. Is this how it feels like to die? He wondered how long it would take until he will wake up. How long it would take until he could breathe again. This life of loneliness and pain, living a life with nothing to gain. Surrounded by darkness, overwhelmed with shame. A life without peace with only himself to blame. His heart ached in so many different ways at that moment. Because at that moment, he had lost another heart. Because he loved her. Because he disappointed her. Because he longed for adventure. Because he wished for something greater. His heart ached and ached, yet he knew she would know what it is to feel healing. A feeling like a golden glowing warmth. Something which takes time and tending to, but he knew that she deserved happiness. Happiness that he couldn’t give her because of his selfishness. But he didn’t want to believe it, the situation happening. Memories and moments of them together flashing before his eyes, the lump in his throat getting bigger.

//

“Stop doing that!” She told him while smiling. Showing off her white teeth as her eyes shined, water droplets running down her skin. He smiled looking at her, going in to kiss her again. She did not want to admit to him that she loved when he kissed her unexpectedly, but he knew. She felt butterflies in her stomach whenever she looked up at his tall frame, wet hair against his beautiful face as water ran down against both their bodies. She loved whenever she would talk to him and when he would kiss her out of nowhere. Sometimes it was just an innocent kiss, sometimes lingering a little longer and pressing a little bit harder against her while smiling. His lips pressing against her forehead before he looked back at her. It made her feel loved. Sometimes the soft innocent and quick kisses would lead into something deeper. Random make out sessions on the couch, her being positioned on the kitchen while he made breakfast or in a dressing room. Sometimes it would lead to a quick fix, both of them in need to get off of each other. Their breaths fast and breathy, his hand over her mouth to not gain attention from his team on the other side of the door.

But this moment wasn’t like that. They had woken up by the sun poking through the curtains, her running her fingers through his hair and down his face. Later running her nails lightly against his chest and abdomen. He loved the ticklish feeling of her nails tracing his skin, faking to be asleep so she would continue. Even though she knew better. This time they both showered, not having any time to follow. He loved that she could feel comfortable enough to be naked in front of him. It was different being naked in front of each other when you had sex, that was not that big of a deal. But when she stood in front of him like this, his eyes grazing over her beautiful curves he couldn’t be happier with the situation they were in.

He kissed her again before making her turn around, shampooing her hair and massaging her scalp at the same time. Her ”mhm’s” of satisfaction. “My mom wanted to invite us over for dinner tonight” he told her in a low voice as he massaged her hair. Feeling her nod. “She loves you, you know. She keeps texting me asking how you are all the time!” he continues but stops when she turns around, grabbing his hands in the process. “I’m thankful, I want her to like me. It is important that she likes the person her son is dating” she tells him while closing her eyes, rinsing her hair. He watched her for a few moments, thinking about how he could get so lucky to find someone like her. He wants to spend the rest of his life with her. And at that moment, he tells her how much he loves her. The first time ever those three words left his lips. Nerves and butterflies in his stomach quickly disappearing as he saw her smile grow, her lips on his. “I love you” she kissed him again. “I love you so much”

//

That memory burned a hole in his mind. The last couple of weeks being harder than ever, the boys being more supportive than ever. The fans knew something was going on, discussions going around all social medias with all different scenarios and rumours of what could have happened. None of them knowing about his, now ex-girlfriend, and their relationship. None of them knowing that their loving idol was cheating on his girlfriend for months, none of the fans knowing about the love his life for the whole time they were together.

He kept pictures of her on his wall, went half-crazy every now and then. He still loved her through it all, hoping she’d come back again. He kept some letters by his bed dated “fourteen two nineteen”, and as he had underlined every single “I love you”.

*

“To you, 14 February 2019.

Have I ever told you, my love, that I’m all wrapped up in you? How the feelings that you bring me, gives me a joy I never knew existed? I remember the first day we met. It was a hot summer day, August 12th to be exact. You wore an all black outfit, even though the weather was beaming, but something still caught my eye. I knew right then and there, that I wanted you.

We locked eyes, and I felt something stir inside of me. The butterflies in my stomach and my heart skipped a beat. You smiled at me and turned your head to Jackson, who instantly turned his eyes to me, making you embarrassed. I knew right then and there, that you wanted me too. It wasn’t long until you came up and talked to me, trying to be discreet from what I today know, were your fans. Ahgases. You introduced yourself, taking my hand in yours. “Kim Yugyeom” I repeated those words in my head over and over again. Kim Yugyeom. You. The rest of the boys in your group wouldn’t stop sneaking glances at us every now and then, trying to see how it was going. Or from what I know today, try to see if you could make it without embarrassing yourself too much. You being the youngest, they teased you a lot. And you talking to me was no exception.

The first time we kissed was something special. We had spent time together secretly for two months. Me studying and you working and travelling, having an hard time finding time to spend with me. But you did make time, even those five minutes on the phone. The quick text messages that would make me giggle in class and no one knew that you were the reason behind it all. You pulled me closer that day, it was right before you were leaving for going to Japan and China for your tour for three weeks. Your driver was waiting outside my mom’s house, stressed about you running late. Your hands gripped the side of my face as you pulled me in, kissing me deeply. I was so happy. I knew I loved you then, but I was too afraid to believe it myself. “I will call you when I land, okay baby?” was the last thing you said before kissing me again, then being out the door on your way to another country. I still remember that day so clearly. I remember my mom teasing me when I got to my room. “I’m happy for you darling. I like him” she said smiling. I knew at that time, that this was for real.

The same day you came home from your tour, we had sex for the first time. Needy, excited, bubbly, teasing, kissing. Everything. We both had waited for this since the first day we met, three and a half months earlier. The sexual tension being there but both of us not wanting to rush anything. And for that, I was happy. You treated me like an angel, took care of me so good. I was going crazy, your body driving me insane. And that was the beginning of something so insane, yet so Beautiful.

December 31st, the day when you introduced me to your close ones as your girlfriend. The boys teased you, congratulating you for finally having someone. You blushed, and I found you so cute yet so sexy. Outstanding. All I wanted was to show you off to everyone, being sad that I couldn’t because of your profession. But at that time I understood, that the love between you and I only needed to be between us. And I liked it that way.

Some weeks after new years, we told each other I love you. We stood in the shower together, both of us being comfortable naked. I love your body. I miss it every day. I remember how much you made me laugh that day, after you kissed me over and over. You told me how much your mom loved me, and I was so relieved. I wanted your mom to like me, and that was such a weight lifted off of my shoulders. You kissed me again, the butterflies in my stomach growing more and more for each kiss, before you turned me around and started shampooing my hair. We stood like that for a while, then you told me those three words. I love you. Wow. I felt like my heart was going to explode. I repeated it in my head a thousands time over. I love you I love you I love you. God, I love every single fucking part of you. And my love has only grown for you ever since that day.

Two weeks later, we had our big fight. Bottles smashed around us and both of us crying. We thought that was the end for us, but neither of you or me wanted to let that happen. That fight was made up after a long time of small arguments. Tension, stress, jealousy, love. We loved each other too much, and I think both of us, in one fucked up way liked the tension between us. Tension, sexual tension.

Today, February 11th, I’m writing you this letter. I am sitting in your apartment, thinking about you and us. Wearing your shirt, you know the one that I love so much? it smells like you, and it feels like home. I had to get my thoughts out of my head, my mind being too caught up in the thought of you. I hope you have waited until valentines to read this? or that you find it in your suitcase in time. Right now, you are at practice working so hard for your upcoming tour. I know that you’re upset about leaving tomorrow, and us not being together this Valentine's, but remember, I’m always with you. I am so proud over you and everything you have become and accomplished these last couple of months that I’ve known you. I’m your biggest fan, my love. I love you.

You light up everything for me;

In my heart you shine;

Illuminating my life,

My darling, Yugyeom

My Valentine.

I love you.

/Your baby”

His heart felt like it might explode. Tears streaming down his face as he reread it for the fourth time. He loved that letter, it was his favourite one out of all the ones he had received during their time together, and he couldn’t remember how many times he had read it ever since he found it in his suitcase the day before. Three folded papers in an envelope, written: To you, my love. Open on valentines. He was so eager when it turned the 14th. Going for the letter in his suitcase the first thing he did, sitting down on his bed in his beloved hotel room. He read the letter out loud, feeling tears building up in his eyes. Yugyeom couldn’t believe how lucky he had gotten to find someone like her, and he got so mad at himself for now destroying everything they once had.

The last couple of weeks, months even, had been hell. Yugyeom had little to no happiness left at all. Everything in his life reminded him of her, and it didn’t help that he consistently thought of her. Her hair falling around her face and down her shoulders, her eyes looking at him with so much adoration and love that he blames himself for not noticing it earlier. He saw how her eyes became duller for every day that passed. Breaking her down bit by bit, until she herself was so broken that she couldn’t take it anymore. She had to leave, and he didn’t blame her. Yugyeom just hoped that he could have manned up and done something earlier. Because this pain that he is feeling right now? it is eating him alive.

He was grateful for the boys. They hade been there for him more than he ever could have thought. Taking him out for drinks, doing everything in their power to make him not think of her. Honestly, they all thought it was something that needed to happen, and they were happy that she left. But it was also their duty to be there for him, because even all of them were shocked to see him so heartbroken. Even though he deserved it for everything he put her through, they were starting to get worried for him. Some of them experiencing heartbreak themselves, understanding. But this was abnormal behaviour for their youngest member. They had never seen him so torn. So destroyed. All of them were so surprised when they arrived at his apartment that day. Only to find Yugyeom passed out on the couch, knuckles sore and bottles on the floor. It was in that moment, they knew. They knew that she had left him, and they knew that they had a long time coming. But none of them knew that it would turn out to this.

It wasn’t until six months later they thought he had moved on. Finally accepting the situation of her being gone. Six months being passed since his and her relationship ended, and they started to notice Yugyeom being back to his usual self. Happy, laughing, joking. But when they saw his happiness leaving him in less than a second, his body losing his soul as Yugyeom looked behind them in the restaurant they were in. Going from eating their food, enjoying their drinks and celebrating the new album to seeing him fall back into that deep hole he just got out of. It was at that moment they knew that she was there, and it was at that moment they knew that he still wasn’t over her. They turned around, noticing her standing there. A shocked and surprised expression clear on her features, and it was in that moment they knew. That she wasn’t over him.

[stillthatgirl]

to my one great love..

Hi? *awkward laugh here* okay so I really don’t know what to say since sobrang tagal na neto grabe and hanggang ngayon siguro iniisip mo 

GRABE TWINKLE ANO? DI KA PA DIN NAKAKAMOVE ON? DBA GO GO GO?

I remember u always saying that thing to me “Go Go Go!” pero eto pa rin ako akala ko ata red light padin hanggang ngayon and I’m still on the moment na ineenjoy yun while making dreams for the future with you. Okay, so whatever i am saying here is wag ka sana muna kumontra (anw, hindi mo rin naman to mababasa) but please let me just say all the things I was not able to tell you when I had my chance.

To tell you honestly, hanggang ngayon nag sisisi ako. Nagsisisi ako na binura ko agad yung conversation natin right after the night i let you go, nag sisisi ako na hindi ko nilabas lahat ng sama ng loob ko sayo noon at sinarili ko lang yun. Nagsisisi ako kasi hindi ko sinabi sayo nung bago ka umalis kung gano kita kamahal at ayoko kitang mawala, pero wala eh, huli na yung lahat. It’s already been 3 years? And you’re happily in a relationship right now and I don’t want to ruin that for you. Alam mo ba, I HAD SO MUCH THINGS I’D LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU. and if given a chance that i’ll be doing that all over again, I WILL cause you are the best thing that happened but not until now, You know what? there’s this guy I’ve been on a relationship with and i know he’s better way than you, maybe he’s not as good looking as you or nothing compared to your sense of humor (kung saan ako nainlove) but I know he is way better than you.

BUT SADLY, dahil hanggang ngayon di parin ako makamove on sa sakit na binigay mo I blew “our” chance off but then I realized mali din ako sa part na yon. 

Let me call you Babybabe for one last time, thank you so much, the time i spend with you are the best moments i’ve had and I always put that close to my heart but It will also remind me of the hurt that i’ve felt since you left. 

Yves, alam ko sobrang gago naman neto di pa din nakakamove on yung iniisip mo, haha ako din ganun din, pero i want you to know that I am now forgiving you. I am now letting go all the pain and sadness. Thank you so much for the wonderful experience i had with you and I wish you nothing but happiness.  I am doing this not for you, but for me, to let go all the hatred and pain I’ve been holding for the past three years and freeing myself from the thoughts of us. 

PS: Below are the screenshots of some “long text messages” that you sent me way back our lovey dovey conversation and somehow it makes me cringe and I realize we were too young to know what were doing. Funny how much love i have with me that time and now i’m running out of it. Kung iisipin ko lahat ng sakit na naramadaman ko nun, I’m sort of thankful for that cause now it made me stronger. 

One thing I liked about you? Is that you always make sure that I start the day with a smile. Pogi points din kasi talaga yun eh, it’s like you are constantly reminding your girl about how u r feeling lucky because u have her and that she is being highly valued and appreciated.

And when you call me, babygirl? baby? baby babe? damn. umiikot tyan ko, literally gave butterflies to my stomach, my heart keeps pounding because of the thought of you and I’m crazy fallen in love with you.

Pag narerecieve ko yung ganto mo, feeling ko nasa cloud nine ako. Feeling ko ang gaan gaan lang dati ng buhay, feeling ko kaya ko. 

I smiled. I swear. It is one of the sweetest morning I ever had in my entire life and thank you for giving that to me. Too sad, i can no longer retrieve the audio clip, anw i still have the video recordings ;)

The thing I also liked about you is that u suprises me hindi para mag papogi points kundi para mapasaya lang talaga ako. Of all the boys na nagsabi ng mahal nila ako, sayo ko lang naramdaman na mahal mo ko kaya kailangan mo ko and the others are just kailangan nila ako kaya mahal nila ako. 

 “ I vow to help you love life. To always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands. To speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not. To live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.”

Whenever I read this, I still always feel the same feeling I got nung sinabi ko sayo yan but now I am accepting in myself that I can no longer do that cause someone else is already doing that for you. Yves, thank you.